#it's wild how much common sense and critical thinking people are willing to ignore so they try to push a point they know doesn't make sense

[blorbonicplague]

Brb gotta go rip out a bunch of organ transplants thank God that one jerk told us about the Potato Head thing

not that transphobes are ever saying anything interesting or insightful but it makes me insane when they see a trans woman who wants a uterus and start frothing out the mouth about how the sinister trans cabal is going to start harvesting organs from the poor and vulnerable... worsties do you have any idea how many trans men and cis women would be THRILLED to rehome their uterus to someone who actually wants it? all I'm doing with mine is complaining about it for a few days every month, I'd happily pawn that shit off to someone who would be happy about it. yes I am on my period why do you ask.

[himboarcher]

reasons i've seen folks say that grad critics hate grad:

they hate travis (in fairness, i’ve def seen some comments of people shitting on trav for the sake of shitting on trav, but it’s not super common and typically gets downvoted into oblivion on reddit.)

it's not balance / travis isn't griffin (???????)

they hate neurodivergent people (again, in fairness, i have seen a handful of comments that could come across this way! but most of the time when travis being ADHD or his NPD is brought up, it's by defenders saying that criticizing travis is ableist because he's neurodivergent or, in one particular comment, infantilizing him bc of it and literally comparing grad to putting a kid's artwork on the fridge. there were some comments early on that pointed to him being a narcissist as the reason for things people disliked about grad, but everyone seems to have realized that that's a shitty train of thought and left it behind.)

they're just toxic haters (again, there are a small handful of people like this because this is the internet, but the genuine criticism greatly outweighs their bullshit. i 100% think that the people, which is mostly just one dude who is also insufferable on reddit, who have been responding rudely to positive tweets under the episode announcements lately are out of line and need to stop. there's been an influx of that lately, presumably because people are frustrated that after over a year of grad going on, there's been no improvement to most of the major issues. that's still no excuse to be a dick to folks, though.)

vs some of the actual reasons i don't like grad:

the racism / racist tropes, and the way that they’ve straight up ignored this criticism and will likely never acknowledge it. pretty wild considering a core tenet of their brand is their willingness to acknowledge when they’ve messed up and do their best to course correct.

clumsy attempts at inclusion that are shallow and often end up being fairly offensive ("...ask me about my wheelchair," anyone?)

on a related note: i don't think that travis had bad intentions, but as an nonbinary person, it feels othering to me that travis only has enby characters give others their pronouns unprompted. i'm thinking specifically of kai here. having listened to their introduction, i don't think it's as bad or awkward as some people have said, but i can't remember travis ever having another NPC tell the PCs their pronouns, especially not a cis character. it's not a huge deal, but it's something that rubbed me the wrong way. admittedly, i don't think it would bother me so much if travis hadn't dropped the ball so much with performative inclusion in the past.

okay i'm putting the rest under a read more because even without getting into all of the problems i have with it, this got Long.

little to no player agency. player choices are ultimately meaningless and have little to no effect on the world. even when he seems to go along with a plan they come up with, it always ends with them having to go back to travis' pre-written script (see: subpoenaing the xorn, but not really because they had to go with travis' original plan of "send the xorn home through the rift".) the players repeatedly get told things about what they think or feel or what they've been doing to an unnecessary degree. fitzroy is the only one who really gets space to play and decide things for himself, and that's only because travis has decided he's the main character.

the NPCs are all too nice and willing to give the PCs anything they ask for and more, unless the PCs are trying to follow their own plan and then the NPCs are completely useless. but honestly, aside from gray, all of the NPCs are just.... nice. travis refuses to even let his antagonists be mean or cruel or even more than just slightly rude, because that'd be a bummer and we don't want that! the "twist" of gordy the lich king actually being polite and chill is not a twist at all because everyone is like that in this world. the NPCs are also wildly overpowered, but then suddenly absolutely useless when the PCs actually want their help.

too many cliffhangers that are dropped immediately at the beginning of the next episode. i feel bad for travis because so many of these cliffhangers actually set up good momentum and seemed like things were gonna get interesting, but almost every single time he just dropped them at the beginning of the next episode. like when althea showed up to interview the boys and the next episode started with travis being like "actually you went to sleep, she said she'll be back tomorrow!"

that time travis specifically said in his exposition dump that the thundermen left their horses behind because they thought the centaurs might be offended by them riding horses, only to later on rag on them for being surprised that the centaurs had horses they could ride.....

also the centaur arc in general, but i already listed racism above, so.

the way that the toxic positivity and parasocial tendencies in the mcelroy fandoms have made a large portion of the fandom take ANY criticism as a personal attack on travis and/or on themselves for enjoying something others consider bad, either morally or just quality-wise. it’s okay to admit that something you like has problematic elements or just isn’t as good as it once was. you can and should engage critically with the media you consume.

related to above: the way travis has handled genuine criticism, which is to throw public tantrums on his twitter or make weird passive aggressive tweets & ultimately ignore all the genuine criticism and advice he's been offered by claiming it's all subjective, even after he specifically asked for it and set up an email for folks to send in genuine, objective advice for him (after he threw a tantrum on twitter and replied to someone's criticism publicly, which resulted in his followers dogpiling on that person bc how dare they insult their internet best friend). while i was writing this last night, he actually announced that he’s taking a break from Twitter and acknowledged that he’s been using it as an echo chamber where he can easily get validation from folks, and honestly i’m happy for him that he’s recognized this problem and is stepping away for a while! i hope he’ll genuinely use this time to reflect on how he’s been behaving and find a more healthy way to use social media. i’m leaving this point in because i think his Twitter being such a positive echo chamber was encouraging him to do stuff like this, and him somewhat acknowledging his behavior doesn’t mean it can no longer be discussed.

rainer. extremely cool concept in theory and i was very into it until that awkward "does anyone want to ask about my wheelchair?" moment. also when travis had her use her mobility aid to RAM INTO A DOOR instead of just fucking knocking???? also all the times travis has tried to force a romantic relationship between her and fitzroy, despite fitzroy displaying no interest in her in that way. also, just to clarify: as an ace person, i don’t think this is aphobic! (and it’s kind of a stretch to call it that imo, especially since griffin never explicitly said that fitzroy's aromantic!) i just think it’s weird and awkward and a little uncomfortable for me personally, mostly because it reminds me of the times i’ve been in similar situations.

less of a problem than a lot of the other stuff and more just bad writing, but the forced emotional moments. in general, nothing in grad feels earned (why are the boys heading a war? when they have multiple actual heroes with combat experience on their side and a supposedly powerful secret organization? and the thundermen are like 21 years old max and have only had like ~10 fights in the entire campaign?) but there've been a couple times where travis has tried to force unearned emotional moments, presumably because he knows people enjoyed those with the last campaigns. but the difference is that in balance, the big emotional moments happened because they were earned. in grad, it's just travis throwing a baby pegasus at us for a few minutes and then the next time she shows up, it's supposed to be a tearful goodbye.

there are absolutely no stakes. remember when the thundermen got told that if they left, gray would kill 10 students? and then they left and came back and it turns out that what gray actually meant was, "i'll tie ten students who are mostly nameless NPCs to a tree and throw some dogs at them that you can easily stop in time, then throw a tantrum because how dare you but i'll leave before you can really do anything to hurt me lol" travis did have fitzroy's magic get taken away, but like. it didn't really do anything? also all he had to get it back was be coerced into using drugs by an authority figure and trip in the woods?

we're told that the school is weird and the hero system is corrupt, but the world of nua is still presented as more of a liberal utopia than anything? althea getting fired because of a corrupt villain is the only time we've somewhat seen corruption, but even then, she was still allowed to get (what seems to me, anyway, but admittedly i don't know for sure bc nothing about the HOG makes much sense) a fairly important job from the very people who stripped her of her hero license or whatever the fuck heroes need?

travis doesn't actually seem to understand how capitalism or bureaucracy works and just chalks up everything to "red tape." also more on the rest of the boys than him specifically, but the "let's destroy capitalism!" thing turning into just pushing some filing cabinets over................... okay.

and one last piece of extremely subjective criticism: it's just kind of.... boring. i think a lot of people, myself included, would be willing to overlook 90% of the problems with graduation if it didn't feel like such a slog to get through.

also people saying that we can't or shouldn't criticize graduation because it's "free" is absolutely absurd for several reasons. first, something being free does not make it above criticism. second, there ARE people who directly financially support the show with monthly donations. three, there's a difference between something being free and something being not for profit. podcasting is their full time job. they make their living off of money made from TAZ and MBMBAM (and probably their other shows to a lesser extent). this not a fun home game that they are graciously recording and sharing with us. it is a product they are producing that they make money off of, both from ads in the episodes and merch & books based off of these podcasts. they have marketed themselves as professionals, and both griffin and travis have been on panels where they are marketed as professional DMs and appear alongside other professional DMs (which makes it incredibly frustrating when people say that travis is just a newbie DM and we can't criticize him because of that. if he's a newbie, then he should not be taking part of panels as a professional DM where he speaks as an expert). TAZ is free in the same way that an episode of NCIS is free. i may not pay for it directly, but the creators are paid to create it and profit off of me consuming this product. so saying we should be grateful for any mcelnoise that the benevolent good boys share with us and that we're not allowed to criticize it "because it's free" is absolutely wild.

[traumatized-motherfuckers]

CPTSD relationship patterns on repeat

Listen wherever you stream, search “complex trauma” and subscribe. Or, find episodes, blog posts, and a private support community at t-mfrs.com

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Things I’ve gotten good at throughout this Trauma journey:

Seeing connections between where I’m from and where I am

Thinking for the first time about where I’m going

Letting myself have emotions

Letting those emotions go

Redirecting my energy and attention away from ruminating

Being accountable for my own feelings

Being accountable for times of being a shithead

Listening and validating other humans

Listening and validating myself

Recognizing what circumstances do/don’t work for me

Realizing how my codependency plays with relationships

Letting go of self-hate inner critic talk

Reframing events with reasonable views

Accepting myself, even when I first want to thrash myself

Semi-consistently caring for myself

Setting realistic boundaries and goals

Sleeping

Things I’m still shitty at:

Letting my overwhelm skew reality

Anxious self-slave-driving

Being a snarky turd when my head is overloaded

Taking on other people’s energies and emotions

Trusting myself in all areas of life

Forming healthy relationships.

Okay, it’s that last one that has me most perpetually fighting feelings of panic and doom.

This seems like an apt way to kick off the new year. I think a lot of us have questions about relationships and would like to improve our operations in 2021. I can also tell you, this one is extremely appropriate looking back at the last year of my life.

One of the biggest lessons I've learned in the past few spins around the sun has been how romance does - and definitely doesn't - fit into my life. I think 2020 was particularly packed full of important lectures and pop quizzes, many of which I failed. It felt like knowing that the correct answer was C, but finding my hand filling in the circle for A every time, anyways.

This is a terrible ideaaaa... and I'm doing it. Pause for about 2 months. Now I'm upset that it was a terrible idea.

Yeah, it's been great. But I have no one to blame but myself. Because as much as I've worked on this trauma management life of mine, I haven't done a good job of working on the relationship aspect of it. I've let my usual patterns dominate. And that's what needs to be examined today.

I mean. Can someone tell me about healthy relationships in functional terms? What IS that even?

Look, I’m not hoping that someone will pop up and share some, “mutual respect, good communication, trust, support, care, similar goals, similar beliefs…” sort of shit. I fucking KNOW about the idealistic, flowery terms that all the light-hearted couples counselors recommend establishing for a happy relationship. I get it.

I’m not ignorant when it comes to the ways humans should interact. I’ve had enough experience with friendships and relationships, alike, to understand the basics of person-to-person interactions. I know I talk about myself like I’ve been a feral child locked in a cage for 20 years, but the truth is that if you met me on the streets I’d probably seem like a normal, well-adapted, personable human being. That Leo Ascendant component of my personality tricks people into actually thinking I’m an extrovert who wants attention. (Hilarious, explains a lot of comments I’ve gotten in my past)

Nah, I’m not asking for the trite descriptions of a healthy partnership that everyone who’s ever been friends on a basic girl’s Facebook has seen before in cursive writing on top of a washed-out pink-tinted field. Those are empty sounding words that I don’t believe most couples manage to put into action, no matter how many selfies they take together or labradoodles they adopt.

For me, Fuckers, the mystery isn’t, “in a fairytale world, how do two humans interact to have a lifelong bliss factory?” Respect, trust, appreciation, mutual understanding… blah blah blah. What the fuck ever.

The real question is how.

And, shit, let me just be honest with all of you - not just the Patrons who’ve already heard my personal bitching - it’s on my mind because I did a thing I definitely should not have… recently, I got into a new romantic relationship that I definitely was not looking for. I’ll spare you all the details today, but know that I’ve entered it kicking and screaming, and it’s caused me a lot of grief already.

Let the life shittery begin! Can’t wait to be destroyed.

Today, I want to bring this personal fire burning in my gut into the podcast. Motherfuck me, if it hasn’t become difficult to ignore… plus, I know that a lot of us Traumatized folks are in a similar boat when it comes to relationship confusion, unhealth, and destruction. So let’s just count the ways that I have no idea how to do this right and I’m destined to be let down by my poor choices.

This time around, I'm bringing you a list of all the ways I tend to fuck things up with other humans. In part, due to Complex Trauma. In other part, probably due to my own personal shortcomings. Listed in no particular order. On a later date, I'm going to be revisiting a lot of these patterns as I examine how early life set a lot of us up for a lot of abuse acceptance in greater detail. Stick around for those continuations on romantic disaster, if this sounds like you, too.

I'm talking about:

Partner choice: Musicians, narcissists, and addicts

Emotional codependency

Mistrust

… That turns into willful blind belief of their words

Inadequacy

Parenting analogues

Authority figures & disappointment

Misdirected commitment

Learned helplessness

Partner choice: Musicians, narcissists and addicts

Who has bad taste in partners? Over and over and over again? It’s me! And probably a lot of you.

Maybe that’s not fair. Maybe they’ve been wonderful guys who just didn’t mesh well with my inner or outer world… but I can tell you, there have been some similarities, and they don’t bode well for a happy future together.

You know me by now. Difficulty connecting with “normal” humans, no interest in small talk, a huge fan of deep emotional honesty, a bit gritty and assholeish, tends to be repelled by anything too widely embraced by the general public, definitely comes with a difficult past, fears of the future, and ongoing challenges in the present.

So, who do you think I get along with? Ivy leaguers with stable, supportive families, an optimistic outlook, and a 20-year plan? Or equally messy and complex humans with a set of neuroses handed down from their unexamined early traumas that make them similarly bitter and disillusioned with life? Just… probably hidden from immediate sight.

Grown men who’ve responsibly built a life for themselves with ambition, personal insight, and balance? Or man-children who’re still figuring out that they can’t drink every night of the week if they want to be functional in life and financially sound? But... with their addictions hidden behind “an appreciation for fine whiskies” or a necessity to sample the craft beer they brew.

Independent, confident humans who have no problem running their own world like a boss and trust that I’m capable of doing the same, with integrity and respect? Or distrustful turds who need me to be in their sight, half-directing their lives at all times unless I’m aiming to be accused of cheating, lying, and being unable to care for myself? Only… they hide their controlling and aggressive tendencies behind go-with-the-flow facades in the beginning.

If you guessed “B” in all three examples, you are correct!

Plus... so, so many musicians. Like, the last 6 of them have either subscribed to guitar or drum camp. And that hasn't been a purposeful decision - those are just the men I get along with until we hate each other.

It's always a rapid connection, a mutual respect for our interests in the arts, and a shared shitty attitude that starts out directed at the world and ends directed at each other. So many emotions. So many ups and downs. So many proclamations of "I can't live without you!" until the day we run in opposite directions and never look back.

Is that a coincidence? Or are all musical folk a bit wild? I hate to generalize, but I can tell you with great amusement that if you start typing "Are all musicians..." into Google, it will autocomplete with "cheaters, narcissists, and crazy." It also suggests "rich," but I can tell you for a fact that isn't true. The narcissist thing... uh.... very well might be correct. But I'll leave that for someone else to study.

So, I don't know what to make of this trend. There do seem to be some commonalities between the musicians in my past life - and they do seem to be categorized by the instrument of choice. For instance, drummers are never concerned with my time, and guitarists are emotional catastrophes. But what do I know? Can't make sweeping conclusions... I, at least, need a larger sample size. With my track record, I'm sure I'll have the numbers soon enough.

Congratulations if you predicted nothing but unstable disasters in my past. It's true, I’m an idiot. Okay, that’s not fair. No inner critic talk. Get out of here, Pam and Karen.

The fact of the matter is, I am a terrible judge of character when I start sensing a connection. I tend to connect with people who have complicated lives and inner worlds, just like I do. And from what I can tell, that is always my downfall.

Challenging connections

Let’s go ahead and chalk this one up to never having close connections or support growing up.

You know what I always wanted, hoped for, and idealized as a kid? Someone loving me. Another human actually understanding my weirdness and signing on for more. The idea of a human who wanted to know what I thought and felt. The option of spending time with someone and feeling cared for. Also, somebody finding me attractive, instead of being repulsed by my ass-length ginger hair, flat chest, dorky hand-me-downs, bleach-stained horse sweaters, and buck teeth... also would have been a dream come true.

I’m pretty sure that growing up lonely didn’t help me in any regard when it came to my later-in-life relationship problems. Starving for connection apparently puts you in a state of deprivation, where you’re likely to think anything is better than the empty feeling inside. You know, just for the rest of your life or so.

To this day, if I meet someone and we’re able to converse without abundant clarifications or apologies for the prickly things that come out of my mouth as dry humor or unbendable opinions… we’re on a roll. If we can connect over shared perspectives on humans, life, and psychology… things are getting more serious. If we can honestly talk about the ways we’re horrible to ourselves and joke about our shared challenges in figuring out what the point of this shitty slip-and-slide of life is about… uh oh, this might be a real connection.

And so, it makes sense that I connect with all the most complicated people you’d ever meet. And we connect INTENSELY. I’m complicated, myself, and I look for folks who can accept it without their heads exploding. I’m never going to be happy holding conversations with Sports Bar Joe or Pretty Boy Blaine. They’re never going to understand the internal strife that dominates my world. I’m never going to understand how they can be all *happy,* *close with their families,* and *laid back about life.*

Gross. I can’t even say the words.

But give me the angstiest, most anxious, most misunderstood dude on the block, and we’re likely to get along swimmingly. We’ll talk over beers until the birds start to chirp. We’ll joke in our native tongues, playing with words, obscure references, and dry humor as if we’ve known each other for 25 years. We’ll share secrets about our tumultuous inner worlds and the ways that we can’t seem to get our heads on straight enough to keep our ships on course.

And the next thing you know, we’ll be incestuously connected with a somewhat false sense of intimacy that erupts out of the gates. “No one has ever understood me the way you do. I can really be myself around you. I’ve never had such easy conversations about this shit before.”

… That’s about the point when I lose all perspective. There’s a tunnel running from my face to this dude’s heart. I stop seeing things for what they are. I project a kinder, gentler, more well-intended personality on the subject of my feels. I quickly turn a blind eye to all the shit they’re doing that I wholeheartedly hate or otherwise cause my red flags to be unpacked.

I feel like I know them, inside and out. I feel like I can help them - like we can help each other - to sort through this dumb world we’ve been born into and all the circumstances holding us back. A real Sid and Nancy storyline emerges. No one gets him like I do. If only they could see the things I see. We’re just two broken souls who found each other, a little rough around the edges, but we see the diamonds underneath. And we’re in this battle together from now on.

Yeah, right.

Sooooo… This is how I wind up with the unpredictable narcissists who seem like nice guys, the secret addicts who keep their substance abuse hidden from everyone, and the emotional abusers who are ready to leverage my mental health admissions against me the first time they get the chance. Dudes who have highly emotional worlds and no idea how to deal with them. Men who don’t want to explore their own shortcomings and instead choose avoidant courses in life.

And, again, the musicians. So, so many musicians. I really am coming to think that they’re the most fucked up people of all - and that's saying a lot coming from me. Generally speaking, I've seen that there’s no sense of personal responsibility, an obsession with themselves, and a hidden inferiority complex that turns them into bitchy little dogs when they feel threatened. What’s with that, anyways? Can you guys try to be more original in your plight to be the most original?

Okay, anyways. Sorry to keep dragging on musicians.

The point is, my attempts at relationships start out on the wrong foot. Choosing the wrong partner is a pretty surefire way to dash all hopes for those fluffy ideals I mentioned earlier. No one is going to respect me, listen to me, or support me when they’re too busy dealing with their own alcoholism, abandonment issues, and narcissistic flailings… or, not dealing with them, to be more specific.

We aren’t going to be able to work through things when they’re consumed with being the king of the world, hiding from all negative emotions, and trying to keep their head away from analysing their own actions. Hell, it’ll be difficult to even find the time for serious talks, since they’re so busy traveling to band practices, hustling away for barely-paying gigs, and staring at their social media while they count the ways they’re victims of the universe.

Choose imbalanced, mentally ill, self-serving partners… get unhealthy, controlling, unpredictable relationships. Pretty goddamn obvious. And yet, I still can never seem to see the full picture of the human who’s caught my attention through the fog that’s created by the connection of our shared dysfunctions.

I guess this is where that, “love yourself and get yourself healthy first,” sentiment comes into play, so the connections don’t continue to be as disasterious as your personal experience is. Hopefully I’m on the right path in my own journey, at least. Also, a lot less starved for connection. I got y’all Motherfuckers in the Discord community, for starters. And I’ve become determined to live a life where I support myself and rely on no one outside of Archie’s snuggles, for finishers.

Step one: Be careful about who you deem a good person, just because you can share self-deprecating jokes about being nutjobs and similar musical interests. Learn to choose someone who isn’t an even trashier trash human than you are. It’s a start.

Emotional codependency

Hand in hand with forming connections that include deep emotional outpourings and admissions of all the dark things we hide from the light at our office jobs… comes codependency.

I’ve said it before and let me say it again… I didn’t understand codependency until very recently.

In my mind, it was akin to those creepy couples who won’t leave the house without each other, have the same friends, interests, and opinions on everything... and possibly wear matching cat shirts. Those people who never spend time with other humans because they're too busy being shoved up their partner’s ass. The folks who call to check in on each other throughout the day when they’re at work. Gag. Particularly, I imagined those pathetic girls who cry when their boyfriend is out of sight and post 12 pictures a day of them together.

Rightfully, I scoffed and insisted that I didn't have problems with codependency. That’s not me. But it turns out, this view isn’t quite right, so much as I was being an uninformed asshole.

Codependency doesn’t mean you’re a needy, incapable human being who sucks the life power out of someone else, like I used to think. Codependency is a two-way relationship defined by poor boundaries and non-existent emotional regulation. Two humans who see their experiences as one, all the way down to how they feel and how they deal with how they feel. (i.e. turning to their significant other for comfort and emotional control in a time of need instead of working through it by themselves). Relationships where the emotions are transferred from party to party until it's unclear who’s bringing what dish to the gathering. Waking up not knowing how your day is going to be, because it depends on how someone else feels about theirs. Emotional enablement city.

Oh, yeah, when you put it like that, I definitely have issues with codependency.

For me, the codependency is largely going to be emotional. In the past, I didn’t know how to have a relationship of any sort without having a third influence in the mix. There was the person, myself, and our shared emotions... that often called more shots than either of us did.

Because I tend to be on the empath scale (although I do everything I can to fight it out of defense), I think I’m naturally tuned into other people’s emotional and energetic states, for better or for worse. When someone walks into the room with a bad vibe, I feel it to my core. I become so uncomfortable that I take it on myself to try to “fix” the problem for them, and in doing so, I avoid the negative sensation, myself. This is negative reinforcement, if anyone wanted to ABA with me.

That being said, clearly if my boo is having a hard time… it’s not okay. They’re in a shit place and therefore so am I. I must do whatever I can to make it better. To sit down and talk in circles with them, if that’s what relieves some of their tension. To commiserate about how unfair the circumstances are. To validate the negativity that they’re projecting and wallowing in.

Don’t worry though, this goes the other way, too. In the past, I have fully expected my romantic partners to alleviate any inner discomfort that I’ve felt. If I was having a low-down day, I wanted them to cheer me up. If I was full of anxiety, I wanted them to find a way to release it. If I was frustrated with a work situation or coworker, I wanted them to be as angry and indignant as I felt.

So… I guess that doesn’t even sound too off-base to me, at least not when I’m leaning on my teenage expectations of what relationships are supposed to be. In my head, it was always completely ideal that I would wind up with someone who could essentially read my thoughts and comfort me like my family never did. I just wanted someone who would be by my side, thinking about me all the time, and working double time to make sure I was keeping my depression and anxiety on the up-and-up. Is that too much to ask? Uh… yeah, it is.

Maybe in a fairytale love story like the ones I saw in teenage romance movies growing up, this is the perfect way for two broken misfits to interact. “We’re both so damaged and hurt that no one has ever really seen us - but now we have each other to lick our shared wounds.” Yeah, romantic. Also really fucked up and dangerous in the real world.

The problem is, after a few months of this, it gets pretty hard to determine what’s my experience and what’s yours. The emotions become so transitive that it can be invigorating, immersive, overwhelming, and exhausting to be in each other’s company, depending on the day and the event. Living together or essentially sharing a residence makes it much worse - there’s no physical barrier between us, so that emotional barrier is even less existent. We don't have to try to text about our woes, we can just unleash them the moment we step foot in the door. Ready or not, your night is about to be ruined by my day, and vice-versa.

How does this go wrong? Uh, let’s count the ways.

1. My emotional management was never up to par, in the first place. Having your feelings catapulted my way effectively pushes me off the balance beam that I was already wobbling on. If I was having a difficult day but holding it together on my own through coping techniques and reasonable thinking - fucking forget it, that’s over now. We’re both in a shitty state now. Great. In the context of trying to recover from mental health issues… yeah, it’s a fucking disaster. Being retriggered by your partner or sucked into a depressive undertow when you’re trying to make positive change is a losing battle.

2. I never learned how to cope with my own emotions. There was generally someone else for me to hurtle them at, and our subsequent hours of bitching would give me the comfort I was looking for. I didn’t need to learn to manage my feelings - I always had a glorified babysitter to keep me alive. I never had to be accountable for my inner world. I never had to look at things with logic or reason. I could let myself spiral and trust that my best friend or boyfriend would catch me before I slipped down the drain.

3. It becomes impossible to talk about issues - personal or shared. When you’re already sharing emotions there’s an explosive effect when conflict is brought up. Neither one of us knows how to handle our shit, we expect the other person to hold us up with kid gloves, annnd now that person is the source of my distress? We’re both completely beside ourselves, upset, hurt, and angry… and it’s towards each other? Now who the fuck do we call? There's a huge sense of confusion and betrayal. No one has the skills to de-escalate the argument or return to a normal emotional state.

4. How do you break up when half of your existence is in the body of another human? You can’t mentally or emotionally separate yourself from them. Physically separating yourself feels like ripping out a few of your organs and leaving them on the streets. And, who’s going to keep you afloat when you’re going through the pain of the break up? That’s the job of your partner, afterall… can’t have a vacant desk sitting here. It’s best to just suck it up and stick with it. No one would understand what you’ve both been through together, anyways.

In a word, that’s codependency.

Not what people think it is. Not what our culture describes it as. Not so easy to spot until you’re educated and honest with yourself… plus, probably viewing things through the lenses of hindsight.

Definitely a sneaky recipe for disaster when you let it take over a well-intended, emotionally transparent, highly connective relationship. And, Motherfuckers, I’ve always tended to.

 Head to t-mfrs.com for more!

[the2020projects-works]

The title speaks for itself: common sense is an habit we’ve all succumbed to, one way or another. Don’t misinterpret me, there’s absolutely nothing wrong about misunderstanding a view of something or someone, but it is quite crucial to work on ways to deconstruct that. They say curiosity killed the cat, but, as a matter of fact, it was ignorance who did so.

The long path I took to achieve the ideal theme for this essay had, at least, three peaks. At first, I was just wondering if people from other countries were taught about Brazil’s history just like us, brazilian, are taught about many — if not every — country in the world. But this question was soon shaped into something wider and more complex, as to say. I was intrigued by — based on my personal experiences — how brazilians are always willing to welcome foreigns in our country, unlike others, that don’t seem to make any extra effort when meeting a brazilian (or any foreign) on their countries. So I googled “why brazilians are so receptive with foreigns”, — yes! I know how silly that sounds, but anyway -, and how surprised I got, when I came across innumerable posts of gringos running brazilians down, calling all of us rude and belligerent.

It was shocking. As a proud brazilian, it was devastating to read such horrible critics about my people, but I was decided to dig further on this subject, there was no way I’d let someone who had never even been here tell me about my country’s reception.

The first thing anyone should know about this huge Latin American country is that our people care awfully about how media portraits it — and how everyone else processes that. Unfortunately, it becomes extra frustrating when a brazilian travels abroad and is treated any less, which — in my humble opinion -, makes us feel unwelcome and so our need of approval increases more and more. Living here makes it even clearer that brazilians admire the European and the North American culture more than our own. We try to imitate them, for example, by adopting holidays that have nothing to do with us — such as Thanksgiving and Halloween.

Of course there are brazilians who don’t give a flying f*** to what gringos think of us and are remarkably patriots. Of course there are also those who are rude and narcissistic, but that’s not an exclusive brazilian trait. Some people are just jerks no matter where they’re from. That’s reality, folks. Deal with it.

While we do all that, both good and bad stereotypes about Brazil circulate from person to person, making of our land a mystical forest on the edge of fantastic. I’ve read an article of this Canadian guy that actually suggested that brazilian women “must have all gone indoors when he was there [because he hadn’t seen any]”. Well, talk about inconvenient! That was, at least, a rather sexist comment and erroneous idealization. You probably know where this came from: the girl from Ipanema! Tall, tanned, skinny but with curves and big butts. But let me stop you right there. Brazil is a mixed country, with a lot of diversity. We have masses of people from all over the world immigrating to our states so don’t expect us to be all the same, that’d be humdrum. Oh, and, obviously, we don’t live with the animals in the wildness of the Amazon rainforest, eating fruits on tree and living in hunts (although if you’re older than four you probably know that already).

I’ve also read a lot of negative comments about Brazil, criticizing the corruption, the crime and racism. Hate to break it to you, but there is a reason it is not considered a first world country. There is, indeed, a high percentage of crime and corruption here, but just as much as other countries. The entire world is immersed on a wave of hate and selfishness, there is no brotherly love like there used to, people are fighting more than loving and I distrust soon enough we’ll be holding more weapons than flowers. I see horrible things happening in my country, and they’re not even close to the hate crimes being committed by KKK and ISIS and terrorists and whatsoever. There is racism in Brazil, there’s no denial on that. But the fact our people have evolved from the way we acted decades ago is undeniable. We’ve been through slavery, we overcame that and we shall too overcome every single act of racism or prejudice of any kind for the next decades to go.

In short, all this huge text was just my attempt to say: don’t generalize. Don’t generalize people, don’t generalize places, don’t generalize anything. Brazil has pros and cons, some brazilians can be warm and welcoming while other are brutal and rude. But mostly, when meeting a new country, keep an open mind. Don’t ever go somewhere expecting to hate it; give more attention to the virtues over the defects. See good in all things and stop pointing out what’s gone wrong. It is a nice way of training positivism and I assure you your life quality will increase expressively.

[sanandalight]

LISA RENEE – Time Shift Blog – Confusion Principle

Psychological manipulation through means of propaganda and information warfare was once limited within the scope of the Controller Pillars of Society, via countries, states, militaries, and intelligence agencies. Today, even everyday people have become important players in these media campaigns involving access to credible and high-quality information or straight out disinformation campaigns in this new media landscape. Aggressive battles over access to information and the shaping of narratives have become an integral part of shaping societal views and the public’s perception of the nature of reality, which includes current war agendas and global-economic politics. During the Ascension Cycle, the collective consciousness moves towards open source systems in which to gain more access to information, truth, and knowledge that which had been previously unseen and remained hidden from the ordinary citizens.

https://energeticsynthesis.com/resource-tools/blog-timeline-shift/3271-confusion-principle

The explosive terrain of the wild west in all forms of media has contributed to unprecedented levels of perpetrating psychological manipulation and information warfare that is associated to a variety of conspiracies, disinformation, mind control agendas and cyber hacks. Simultaneously, it has given a forum for those people who are truth activists, those dedicated to investigating the factual evidence and disseminating layers of the news in order to gain more truth about the larger picture and then share it with many others. When everyday people are willing to become investigative journalists on behalf of finding the truth, they blow past mainstream media border guards of the matrix. Those who have been marginalized and disadvantaged from getting their message out, are able to have a voice in the shifting paradigm. Thus, humanity benefits from the sense of personal emotional connection and human authenticity which is present in everyday people getting their message out and telling their stories. Many messages and stories that were previously completely ignored by mainstream media, such as child trafficking and pedophilia, are now being heard.

However, media saturation and the constant use of psychological manipulation tactics means we must use high-quality discernment, and be willing to use critical thinking when considering sources of information and their potential agendas. We live in a world run by manipulators, master manipulators who preconceive expert level mind control strategies that the common person would never think of in casual conversation. By advancing the interests of the manipulator, often at another’s expense, these methods could be considered as exploitative, abusive, devious, and deceptive. And yet, we live in a controlled reality where this level of intentional manipulation to prevent access to valid, credible information is used every day to generate as much confusion as possible, in the minds of the public. Sun Tzu, a Chinese Military Strategist originally said the best victory in warfare is the one in which you never have to fight your enemy in actual combat, instead to subdue them through psychological warfare.

Psychological manipulation is a type of social influence that aims to change the behavior or perception of others through abusive, deceptive, or underhanded tactics, usually through the intentional spreading of disinformation and confusion via information warfare. Information warfare is a concept involving the agenda to achieve certain goals through the management of information and communication technology in pursuit of gaining the competitive advantage over an opponent. Information warfare may involve the collection of tactical information, along with the assurances that one’s own information is valid, in order to spread propaganda or disinformation to demoralize or manipulate the public or perceived enemy. The intent is to undermine the quality of accurate information available while denying access to information-collection opportunities to those who are in the disadvantaged position, for whatever the reasons. Information warfare is closely linked to psychological warfare, and these are two concepts are deeply enmeshed within the Controller agenda.

Thus, we should be made aware of the highly explosive environment of psychological manipulation and information warfare that we find ourselves today. It is important to understand the principles used to promote confusion in the minds of people and to know that this is the primary goal of psychological manipulation. When we are confused about being fed disinformation, we cannot make informed and well thought out decisions. When we have a built a foundation for our life based upon layers upon layers of deception, we are confused and do not perceive reality accurately. This destroys our ability to gain clarity and build inner strength for ourselves. When we are confused, we are weakened and at a disadvantage.

What is Confusion?

Confusion is the state of being bewildered or unclear in one’s mind about something, which leads to cognitive distortion. Cognitive distortions tend to interfere with the way a person perceives an event. Mental confusion is sometimes accompanied by disordered consciousness (the loss of linear thinking) and memory loss. States of mental confusion and cognitive distortion are increased dramatically when being overloaded by stress and when taking any kind of alcohol or drugs.

The most common way to confuse someone is to simply overload them with information, bureaucracy or demands that they cannot process and to which will lead them to feel utterly overwhelmed. In simple terms, its consistently throwing things at them until they collapse from the weight of it all, wearing them down until they cannot take it anymore. Sometimes it’s making demands or placing rules on the circumstances that actually do not make any sense at all, in order to confuse them further. Most people have been conditioned to accept that there are predictable patterns in the world in order to make sense of their environment, which gives the illusion of personal control, certainty, and safety. When that person’s predictable pattern breaks apart and they are set up in an unexpected shock or surprise, they feel they have lost control and this will generate mental confusion and uncertainty. How well we cope with stress and uncertainty, will help us learn from the experiences which can strengthen us for the next time it happens. This is why we emphasize maintaining present moment observer consciousness and neutrality, as this radically diffuses mental tensions while keeping you stronger in the face of confusing challenges.

From the Ascension Glossary:

Overwhelm and Wear Down: Constantly use greater strength in applying heavy forces that overwhelm your opponent by creating never-ending issues that are designed to wear him down and erode his willpower and resiliency. Bureaucracies, impossible compliance, insurance, tax and legal channels that keep people bogged down in never-ending paperwork, long lists, and cues under the threat of intimidation, or threat to financial security or persecution. This is also carried out in legal forms as ‘death by 1000 papercuts’, through the increase of overwhelming problems and burdensome bills. When people’s hopes are crushed and their expectations for their life are confused and burdened, eventually they become so drained they have no energy to refuse the constant attempts of subjugation and just give up.

Instilling confusion increases internal stress and it’s a way to destabilize the person so they will be easily manipulated to do what you want them to. Extreme confusion can put people into mental paralysis at such deep levels that they actually go into a trance-like state. This extreme method of instilling confusion is a means of hypnotic induction, whereas the person becomes extremely suggestible to external forces, and can be influenced greatly by subtle forces of subliminal mind control.

When a person feels overwhelmed by the increased pressure of stress, they will generally accept any solution available in that moment to reduce that stress. This is referring to a basic psychological warfare principle, Clutching at Straws. This means to put the person at such disadvantage that they will try anything you suggest in order to get out of a desperate situation, no matter how irrational or unlikely it is to succeed. Literally, it means a drowning person who, is unable to find any substantial flotation immediately at hand and attempts to save himself from certain death by grabbing hold of a few stray pieces of straw floating on the water within arm’s length.

We live in a world fraught with manipulation tactics. People that are controlling will always use manipulation tactics. Manipulation refers to making attempts at indirectly influencing or controlling someone else’s behavior or actions. As human beings, our negative emotions often cloud our discernment making it difficult to see the reality behind hidden agendas or motives in different forms of behavior. This is an important time to take care of ourselves and to note that this controlling and manipulating phenomena will increase in the environment due to the psychological and information warfare used to direct fear, insecurity, and confusion in the masses.

As we become aware of how psychological manipulation works to intentionally generate mental confusion, we are more equipped to handle these kinds of sophisticated manipulating behaviors that we are being exposed to. The dark forces take advantage of that vulnerability in people who have not made an effort to understand and clear their negative ego. When we make an effort to clear negative ego, we commit towards learning the greater truth about ourselves that shifts us out of confusion in order to develop personal clarity.

With a Loving heart, Lisa

[scifimagpie]

Political Oroboros: Why Marx Is Not Enough

First of all, I realise the title of this piece is inflammatory, so let me lay out some caveats.

I am absolutely not conservative. (One of the first things to know about leftist fighting and discussions online is that 'liberal' has two different meanings; the broad sense in which conservative commentators use it, and the more specific and technically correct sense that leftists sometimes use it - as well as the tertiary sense of, "anyone who isn't quite radical enough.') 

I wouldn't necessarily call myself a liberal in the sense of condoning a capitalist system; I do find the most common ground with proponents of democratic socialism. However, some elements of communist ideology do seem solid, although I tend to like many of the ideas I've seen from anarcho-syndicalists more.

Confused by those terms? You're not alone, but some of the hippest trends among the youth of today are not just trap music and street wear - it's political and philosophical discourse. Different streams of communism and anarchism and debating the concepts of idealists through the ages is pretty great, but treating those ideas as a firm road map and, perhaps, the only acceptable solution or map, is not so excellent.

After several weeks of careful surveillance and investigation, I also came to some unsettling and unsavory conclusions.

Source 

There's a weird and disconcerting mix of progressive and regressive ideas in this new wild west of a political movement; using "gay" and "retard" as insults in this year, and talking about second-wave feminist gender concepts (Penis =  man! Vagina = woman! are not scientifically validated ideas anymore, even if they have held sway for a long time) as though they're based on reality is...a special kind of confusing, frankly.  The person mentioned below isn't actually the "leader" of Antifa (antifacism is a general belief and approach, not an organization; the Black Bloc is something different) but the points they're making shouldn't actually have to be made. And yet, here we are. (To clarify: this person's opinion is, as far as I'm concerned, correct, because it's a summary of historical facts.)

We can try to tweak the perspective on things and change the way someone is seen, but facts have this tendency to assert themselves. And when those facts take the form of thousands of dead bodies, politely covering them up or scootching them out of the way is a bit harder. In the case of leaders such as Winston Churchill, it's been easier to laud their successes and forget the death toll because they were victorious, but it doesn't erase his contributions to the Bengal Famine and his decision to test gas weapons on Kurdish villagers. 

Yet even when we debate the value and leadership of dictators, history tends to reassert itself. 

“History isn’t like that. History unravels gently, like an old sweater. It has been patched and darned many times, reknitted to suit different people, shoved in a box under the sink of censorship to be cut up for the dusters of propaganda, yet it always—eventually—manages to spring back into its old familiar shape. History has a habit of changing the people who think they are changing it. History always has a few tricks up its frayed sleeve.”  ― Terry Pratchett, Mort

 Nobody is good enough

Of course, just because someone agrees with history (!) and is willing to unflinchingly consider mass murderers as guilty of their crimes doesn't mean they'll avoid participating in the cannibalistic discussions of leftist politics. A particularly difficult issue has been criticism of the Youtuber Contrapoints, who has both been lauded for her very real effects in de-radicalizing extremists, and criticized for fumbling her way through understanding non-binary genders (and struggling to deal with the flood of online criticism afterwards.) But merely liking a figure who is problematic (or worse, Trash, if they have failed one time too many) can be grounds for a friendship breaking up or the sort of extremely tense, stressful discussion that keeps one awake for hours afterwards.

As I said on Facebook one night, "Whiny comment of the night: it would be easier to unite the left if the radicals weren't so dead-set on everyone just converting to their beliefs as much as possible.And Seems like you can learn about Marxism, cultural history, feminism, and all of that...but it's impossible to unlearn American cultural hegemonic approaches and seeing violence as the default/best option."  But to clarify, this isn't speculation without sourcing. I did a bit of an investigation into a few leftist pages, and it was really unnerving to see the number of pro-gun and "eat the rich" and "fetch the guillotines" sorts of remarks and posters. The thing is, we've all done that dance before, and it's going on in other countries at the moment. Riots and protests are excellent when they work, but sometimes, they don't - and we don't talk about what happens when they don't. 

The risk of small government

At the risk of sounding like a cranky old lady, smaller governments are still governments. People who think some military junta of kids with guns can replace all the architecture and organizational levels of "the state" are welcome to try working in a city planning office as an admin assistant some time. Having done that myself, I would welcome anyone who wants to just replace and rewrite all those land laws, which by the way exist for reasons, to maybe take a civil engineering course or two.

And if you DON'T want to replace all that architecture, just get rid of the bad stuff - congrats, that's actually just reformism, which is still a far cry from "just accepting things the way they are." 

As a fan and casual scholar of cults, I've had many opportunities to see examples of small, ideologically-driven communities turn rotten. Frankly, I wouldn't trust my own town to just secede and govern itself, even though I'm very pleased with our mayor's decisions. I know too much about white people and sociology and Christianity (as well as other religions and groups) to trust that small, self-governing, autonomous groups will be fine on their lonesome. We're kinda in a globalized society with many, many supply chains. If you don't like that, get working on a time machine.

Yet even if one were to travel back in time, we've always had international trade and whatnot, and isolationism has never worked especially well. Also it's how you get fascism in the first place, so...history says it's how you make the exact monster you're trying to fight. Worst of all, these defenses of fascists and murderers do nothing but divide us along sectarian points of conflict. 

Sometimes I worry the Revolution will just be online and never actually get offline

— 🏴🛡Justin🛡🏴 (@sharkle82) July 19, 2019

What do we do? 

Honestly, my approach lately has just been to ignore Leftbook and debate spaces and not engage. Trying to discuss theory and concepts has led to some arguments over the applications of violence that have, honestly, made me stop trusting and just lose certain friends altogether. One otherwise brave and locally committed person said, "violence is neither good nor bad. It's a tool." Although I agree that self-defense actions are not exactly violent, I just don't think we should glorify aggression, or be eager to shed blood. It tends to lead to bad results, and it's uncomfortably similar to the stance we're opposing. My take?

Personally, I don't trust anyone who thinks the problems will all be fixed if we just kill a few of the right people.

The people who sit around day-dreaming about 19th century revolutionaries aren't necessarily the ones helping to, say, actually fight the battles that need fighting here and now. It may seem ridiculous to say, "hey, watch out for this," and also, "but you can basically ignore it," but frankly, that approach has worked extremely well for me in real life. 

The key is this. What do you want to accomplish, in practical terms? Forget about "praxis" and "theory"; what are the concrete, fundamental changes you want to see, and the results you want in society and your community? Every change comes incrementally. Evolution is unavoidable. However, we have an existing system that we can use - and dare I say it, that we can apply our strength to if we're determined enough. 

How to change the world 

Writing actual letters to politicians in my city, province, and country, engaging in the community fight for preservation of a local Safe Consumption Site, signing petitions for various environmental protection causes, and applying pressure to politicians, as well as keeping an eye on actual local white supremacists, fascists, and extremists has done more and had a greater impact than anything in my decade or so of arguing with people on the internet. 

My only regret is that I didn't start using my skills in the real world much, much sooner. It turns out that all the people who insist that those in power won't listen to "us" are, unequivocally, wrong. And while I do have white and cis privilege to thank for some of my results, I would also argue that we on the left must not presume our own helplessness and confine ourselves to training arenas online.  Get out there. Talk to politicians. Stay up to date on the news and follow multiple sources, rather than reading 150-year-old essays. And above all, embrace the power of both individual actions and solidarity. 

I have more to say about this topic, but instead of creating another series, a few essays may be cropping up. Until then, however, I have real work to do, both in the political world and out of it. For one thing, books aren't going to finish themselves! 

***

Michelle Browne is a sci fi/fantasy writer and editor. She lives in Lethbridge, AB with her partner-in-crime and Max the cat. Her days revolve around freelance editing, knitting, jewelry, and learning too much. She is currently working on other people’s manuscripts, the next books in her series, and drinking as much tea as humanly possible.

Find her all over the internet: * OG Blog * Mailing list * Magpie Editing * Amazon * Medium * Twitter * Instagram * Facebook * Tumblr * Paypal.me * Ko-fi

[badirp]

here at bad intentions our member groups are based on precious jewels and because these should embody your character and who they are we allow you to look through them and decide based on your own opinions where each character belongs. no two characters are completely the same and we understand sometimes choosing a member group because of this can be difficult so we ask you to choose the one you feel applies best and to go from there. these are more than suggestions but less than rules, so feel free to get creative.

ALEXANDRITE at their very core alexandrites are mysterious; striking yet reserved, accomplished but not an expert at any subject. they’re a talented bunch, but can suffer from a changeable mood that leads to boredom and instability. with their fluctuating mood, they find it difficult to open up or express their emotions to their closest friends. at their worst, this causes them to have low self-esteem and leads them to isolate themselves further. that being said, they will also go above and beyond when they care for someone and make an effort to ensure that those they care for are happy and satisfied. they can be incredibly hard workers once they find their passion, but this is a lifelong struggle they will either conquer or fail.

AMETHYST amethysts are eternally hopeful, can be counted on for their positive attitude, and attract friendships with their can-do nature. they’re the type to search for the nugget of good news even in the most dire of situations. slow and steady, there are marked by their empathy and intuition; they almost have a sense of situations developing before the building blocks are in place. despite this, their generous nature can lead them to be taken advantage of, and they often fall for deception due to their overly trusting nature. their intuition can also be their downfall, as the amethysts believe wholeheartedly that their judgment is correct, and they barrel headfirst into trouble with this mindset. due to their self-sacrificing nature, they struggle with being the victim of a situation, or becoming a martyr for those around them.

AQUAMARINE much like the vibrant color of their namesake, the aquamarine’s shimmer with life and instantly brighten any room they’re in, mostly as they grandiosely drape themselves across the piano. they live in the moment, from one adventure to another, without stopping to make plans for the future or think about their retirement fund. but this way of life usually brings them luck and they often find themselves surrounded by wealth. perhaps, this is down to their inner observant nature and talent for conversing with others. yet, their rebellious nature, and inability to do something if they’re told to, might eventually lead them astray. deep down, the aquamarine’s just want to be noticed and have that one person give them the attention they desperately want.

DIAMOND the diamonds are bulldozers in human form; they will rise to any challenge presented to them and often go beyond common expectation. their willpower is breathtaking and they have an inner-drive to go after their life goals. but their ambition and self-serving personality can lead them to be described as cut-throat and callous. still, the diamonds only see what they want to, and often ignore any criticism given to them by others. they stubbornly change the world around them into the reality that they want, but often it’s exactly the opposite of what those closest to them want. diamonds will find their greatest struggle in learning to relate to others and believing others care for them.

EMERALD often emerald’s bother everyone around them as they can’t sit still, it’s impossible for them to remain still and they fiddle with any objects near to them. it’s a disaster to put them anywhere close to a business meeting. they learn best by rolling up their sleeves and getting their hands dirty, but they will only ever work on their own terms. it’s impossible to motivate an emerald as they already possess an inner self-confidence and any directions fall on deaf ears. they’re beautifully strong, and not only posses a hardened mind, but a usually athletic body as well. with their stubborn nature, they’re quick to anger and often are prone to manipulation so that they get their own way. yet at their very heart, they just want security and a peaceful environment, albeit one that is dictated by their terms.

GARNET garnets are hard to place, but even harder to pin down. they push back against conventional social norm and think outside of the box with their piercing, intellectual mind. they hate to be ruled by others and balk at placing expectation onto other people in turn. they’re highly artistic and imaginative individuals, but they also are blessed with a levelheaded mind that prevents them from self-destruction. however, if they allow their inner fantasies to run wild, then the garnet may slip into an unhygienic and poor living. they’re also prone to jealously despite having tremendous talent, and often push others away due to their contemptuous nature. at their core, they need to find the balance between living by their principals and getting along with the status quo.

JADE for a jade, respect and trust is earned and not automatically given; they're highly secretive, emotionally unavailable, and often possess an old soul. outwardly, they present an elegant and intimating facade that creates a barrier to prevent social interaction. they're the calm in the midst of storm, and their composed nature stilts them to the core; the cold emotion displayed makes them virtually impossible to read and often people are bewildered by their callous reactions. yet their lack of sympathy is usually a sign that they feel inferior and are trying to compete with those around them. often, if they do something caring for someone else, they brush the action off with sarcasm, and occasionally even belittle the gesture to make it seem like it means nothing to them. their greatest struggle comes in learning to trust and to allow kindness into their life, learning that they do not have to be so sharp-edged to survive and that kindness does not equate to weakness.

OPAL those who fall under opal have a personality of two extremes; one moment they are a kneeling saint and the next they’re a keen liar. they’re a chameleon and are able to adapt to virtually any situation while making people feel at ease in their company. they think fast, have a wonderful wit and charm, and tend to be physically beautiful. even if they’ve only traveled to the next town over, they have a cosmopolitan demeanor and are great storytellers. the true struggle for an opal is whether to use their social talents to help those around them or for personal, and usually financial, gain. with their ability to see the world in black and white, they usually burn themselves out, but they tend to do well with a few close relationships to keep them grounded.

PERIDOT when a peridot makes a promise, they can always be counted on to deliver. they’re strong-willed, principled, and dedicated individuals; they run on straightforward statements, and often have a reputation for stubbornness, but solid facts can sway them to a different point of view. they make excellent leaders because they can be routinely counted upon and make a difference in the lives around them. however, they often fall into the trap of craving more power when put in a role of command and will deny any criticism against their person. it’s best to steer clear of them when their pride is wounded because otherwise they’re likely to chew you up and spit you out, however they’re satiated once their ego is restored. due to their pride, peridot’s often struggle with their reactions to past events and find it difficult to emotionally overcome hardship, yet once managed they often find wealth and fame.

RUBY rubies are certainly complex individuals as they mix leadership qualities with altruism and authenticity. they are captivating, eloquent, and hold the attention of a room from the first word they utter. tolerance and acceptance underpins most of their actions and it’s their genuine nature that makes them appeal to so many. often, they bring social groups together with their dynamic personalities. while they don’t actively seek leadership, they’re often boosted into management roles by those around them. however, their decisions can be swayed by a friendly face as they struggle to take action as they imagine the endless possibilities. they also struggle with being a doormat for other people, which can lead to broken promises and damaged self-esteem. the hardest thing for them to learn is how to say no.

SAPPHIRE much to like the katy perry song, a sapphire switches between a hot and cold personality. they often perplex those around them when they go from an intelligent warm person to a criticizing logician. while they struggle with a mixed bag of emotions and mood swings, they can always be counted on as a beacon of wisdom and trust. they’re seen as the living embodiment of phrase "i hate to say i told you so" and have a particular prickly personality that either attracts love or hate. sapphires have a reputation for being detached, but they tend to just be lost in a daydream or inner debate, and they find it difficult to relax with such an active mind. naturally, as they underestimate the role of emotions, it’s a challenge for them to connect with others and often they come across as condescending when trying to be sympathetic.

TOPAZ due to their reserved and gentle personalities, they’re often underestimated or written off as tenderhearted and submissive, but topaz personalities are most comfortable when they feel like part of a crowd. they look to law and order for their morals and generally present a conservative front; they’re charitable with their time and have a kindness that is unmatched. while they present an organized and orderly front, they can struggle from fluctuating self-esteem and are particularly vulnerable to criticism. they have a need to be in control in order to participate and often react harshly if they're pushed out of their comfort zone, but often they overcome this anxiety with their tenacious attitude.

TURQUOISE a turquoise is a living thunderstorm; short-tempered, bold, and intoxicating. while their impulsive actions cause a stir, it’s hard to look away from such a vibrant supernova. to many it would seem like they lack a sense of danger as they rush headfirst to the next thrill, but it rarely crosses their mind to think about the consequences of their actions. instead, they brush off the damage caused and swiftly move onto making the next ruckus. a turquoise personality loves to push boundaries and lives in a sensual, colorful world. they’re fiercely independent and often struggle with personal relationships, academic structures, and conventional work hours. often, they dabble with risky behaviors and have been known to wreck relationships over their frivolous choices. while they're known to help others let loose as the life of a party, a turquoise uses this persona to run from problems and serious emotional baggage; yet ultimately they will have to face this fear. 

[minnievirizarry]

10 Tips for Providing Top-Tier Twitter Customer Service

Customer service isn’t what it used to be thanks to social media.

And for consumers, that’s a good thing.

Think about it.

Nobody has time to sit on hold for an hour or spend days stuck in an endless email chain to get their questions answered anymore.

Fast forward to present day where time is of the essence. According to Sprout’s 2018 Social Index, nearly half of all consumers have taken to social media to raise questions and concerns to brands.

And a bulk of that back-and-forth happens in the Twitterverse.

That’s why having a concrete Twitter customer service strategy is a must-have for brands who want to keep their customers happy.

Why Twitter Customer Service Matters

Although Instagram and Facebook may be the most pressing networks for marketers right now, Twitter remains one of the top avenues for customer service.

In fact, our data shows that 21% of consumers prefer Twitter to traditional customer service channels.

We ship internationally!

— Hot Topic (@HotTopic) August 20, 2018

Consider for starters that customer service on Twitter is short and to the point. The platform’s character limit keeps people from mincing words. In short, Twitter encourages you to immediately get to the root of any potential issue.

Additionally, anything that happens on Twitter is in the open for the world to see. This means that there’s a microscope on brands as how they treat inquiries is totally front-facing.

To help your business maintain a smiling face and keep customers from bouncing to competitors, we’ve highlighted the must-haves for an effective Twitter customer service strategy below.

1. Set Up a Customer Service Dashboard

Reality check: if you’re haphazardly replying to mentions and interactions with customers, you’re going to have a tough time.

Let’s say that a couple of customers totally put your brand on blast.

Who’s going to respond to them? Who have you already spoken to? How do you know who you’ve @’d back and who you haven’t?

This is why having a dedicated Twitter dashboard is a total lifesaver.

Don’t lose customers due to lack of organization. With a Twitter dashboard, you can track individual interactions with customers in real-time. This means that not only does no mention go unnoticed, but you also have a bird’s-eye view of your Twitter customer service in one place.

Features such as Sprout’s Smart Inbox track conversations on Twitter in addition to your other social channels. This ensures that you effectively “close” any customer concerns, all the while holding you or your team accountable for doing so.

Speaking of accountability, consider also how you can measure the effectiveness of your Twitter customer service efforts. Metrics like sentiment analysis let you know how people feel about your brand at large whether that sentiment is positive, negative or neutral.

This sort of infrastructure helps ensure timely, thoughtful responses rather than customer service chaos.

2. Don’t Ignore Negative Feedback

Although some customers might show you some love via Twitter, expect to spend more time addressing questions and concerns.

And yes, doing so might require dealing with criticism.

Responding with grace is the difference-maker between winning over a customer or losing them for good.

And while there might be some trolls out there, brands should give negative feedback their full attention. Your responses both reflect on your company and determine whether or not your customer sticks around, after all.

For example, check out how Slack was forward with their followers during a recent service outage.

Our apologies for the interruption to your day. We're seeing connectivity issues affecting workspaces, and our team is working on sorting this out as quickly as possible. https://t.co/qk1GLHi2KI

— Slack (@SlackHQ) August 16, 2018

Their openness and ability to follow through actually won them some brownie points with their customers.

The takeaway here is that brands shouldn’t shy away from calls-outs or negative feedback when it happens. Timely responses and empathy are your best bet for keeping people around despite their frustrations.

3. Know When to Stay on Twitter or Go Off-Platform

Again, the beauty of Twitter customer service is that it’s short and to the point.

Yet sometimes it may be the best place to start a customer service inquiry rather than have a full-blown conversation.

On one hand, brands should strive to keep answers simple and remain on Twitter for the sake of convenience. On the flip side, some issues might just get a bit too complex and 280 characters just won’t cut it.

Taking the conversation to your Direct Messages is a smart move, giving you up to 10,000 characters to respond privately to issues.

However, you might need to go in even more depth or pass off the concern to someone else. In this case, asking for someone’s email via Tweet or DM is fair game.

Please try creating a new account with your same email. This should work! Reach out to info@soylent.com for further assistance.

— Soylent (@soylent) August 13, 2018

Just make sure whatever you’re passing off via email is prioritized and not left sitting. Taking people off Twitter is fine, but not when their customer service journey feels like a wild goose chase. As long as you’re keeping their concerns moving and getting to the root of the problem, you’re golden.

4. Mind Your Customers’ Privacy

Even if your tweets are only meant for your customers’ eyes, they’re still out there for the world to see.

This is good news for customers who want to hold brands accountable. That said, this removes the sense of privacy afforded by phone or email support.

Much like the last tip, it’s important to know when to go beyond tweets, and dealing with private information is exactly the sort of situation we’re talking about. 

Here are some pieces of information you should only ask for via DM:

Email address

Phone number

Username

Password

Address

Billing information

Specific items they’ve purchased from you

Thank you for reaching out! Angie's List still offers paid memberships, which offer more benefits than the free membership. If you still have a paid membership, I am happy to help you get set up with the free membership. Please DM us for more info. Thanks, -Jesse M.

— Angie's List Customer Support (@AngiesListHelp) August 20, 2018

Always be sensitive to customers’ personal information and assure them you’re authorized to handle these types of details as early as possible.

5. Sign (or Initial) Your Tweets

If you have multiple employees handling your Twitter customer service, you need a way to track who is responding to each tweet.

The benefits of signing your tweets are two-fold. Doing so creates a sense of accountability and allows you to track interactions between your team and your customers. Additionally, it gives your Twitter customer service efforts a much more human vibe.

Whether it’s your employees’ names or initials, a simple signature serves as a personal touch.

Totally understand and I'll let the car hire know you're up for giving us a hand for testing 👏😊 – Jen

— Skyscanner ✈️ (@Skyscanner) August 17, 2018

Sprout’s built-in social media CRM features make it a cinch to track your team members’ interactions with customers. When a user tweets your company with a question or concern, you can assign the tweet to a specific member of your team. This way you know who’s in charge of replying and resolving the issue without second-guessing.

6. Prioritize Speedy Responses

According to Twitter’s own data, 60% of users expect a response within an hour of reaching out to a business.

Compare that to the expected twelve-hour response time via email and it’s clear that social customers expect speedy service.

While you may not be able to respond to each and every question at a moment’s notice, speed counts. Quick responses signal that you’re a brand that listens to customers and likewise values them.

Here’s a recent example of GameStop personally responding to a positive mention within 10 minutes. How’s that for speed?

No problem! Enjoy that extra power and the great upcoming games you'll play on the Xbox One X!

— GameStop (@GameStop) August 17, 2018

Response time is one of the most pressing metrics for Twitter customer service. An oft-cited Twitter study on airline companies found that customers were willing to spend more with companies who responded fastest.

This again reinforces the need for a Twitter dashboard. For example, you can check how long it takes you to respond to tweets within the dashboard using Sprout’s engagement report. This shows both your response time and rate, helping you to further refine your Twitter customer service strategy. 

7. Track Your Brand Mentions

If you don’t have a streamlined way to monitor your brand mentions, providing customer service becomes an uphill battle. The sooner you know that somebody has given you a shout-out, the quicker you can respond.

Looks great, congrats on the new site.

— Squarespace (@squarespace) August 14, 2018

For many businesses, monitoring brand mentions on Twitter begins and ends with checking their notifications. However, Twitter notifications only give you a partial picture of your Twitter presence.

Here’s a quick kitchen table explanation of how to track Twitter mentions in their various forms:

Track @mentions, #hashtags and mentions of your company name

Search for common misspellings of your company name

Make sure you have Twitter notifications enabled for both the mobile and desktop apps

Save the top queries containing your brand in Sprout to get real-time updates of brand mentions

8. When in Doubt, Be Human

Companies today understand that you can’t put just customer service on autopilot.

And while you may be tempted to take a copy-and-paste approach to your Twitter customer service, think twice before doing so.

People might be willing to deal with automated systems on the phone but not on social media.

The appeal of turning to Twitter instead of traditional customer service avenues is that you can get a quicker response from a person.

You know, a real, flesh-and-blood person.

Feedback like this is like heaven to us! Thanks for the shoutout, Jason.

— Sprout Social (@SproutSocial) August 17, 2018

Twitter is the perfect platform to be more personable with your support. There’s no expectation to be formal, meanwhile the limited character count encourages you to be more conversational.

And while you want to maintain some sense of professionalism, don’t be afraid to let your sense of humor shine if it’s in line with your brand’s voice.

Tempted to disagree but you right Mallory! Free food is superior! *KittyG pic.twitter.com/bvDuG9a5CI

— T-Mobile (@TMobile) August 20, 2018

9. Get to Know Your Customers

Ever walked into a store and had an employee greet you by your first name?

Or maybe you’ve gone to a coffee shop and the barista asks if you want “the usual?”

It’s the sort of service that makes you feel like a VIP, all the while reinforcing that the business you support actually cares about you.

Why not provide your customers with that same sort of treatment on Twitter?

Sprout has a built-in feature that makes this process much easier. You can add notes to any Twitter user you interact with and share those notes among your entire team. Being able to quickly check your prior conversations or special preferences for a customer allows for yet another opportunity to provide more personal service.

10. Go Above and Beyond

Finally, remember that customer service is about more than just answering questions or dealing with problems.

We live in an era where customer expectations are sky-high and brand loyalty is fierce.

This interaction with Instant Pot is a prime example of going the extra mile. This customer probably didn’t expect a response from the brand themselves, but that’s exactly what they got. They also received a helpful, specific piece of content that gets to the heart of their question.

Make sure to check out our app with lots of Keto recipes! https://t.co/NXEvop1Hkm

— Instant Pot (@InstantPot) August 16, 2018

Brands should strive to go above in beyond to help customers while also reminding them just how much they matter.

In other words, don’t be afraid to shout people out “just because.”

If someone posted a picture of your brand or product, why not show some love with a retweet?

And if someone left you a positive mention, let them know you’re listening.

You are so welcome! Hope to see you soon! 🌭

— Superdawg Chicago🌭 (@Superdawg) August 1, 2018

These small touchpoints are critical for creating a stronger sense of brand loyalty. Being attentive and authentic with your customers can be strong marketing firepower if you’re consistent.

And with that, we wrap up our list!

What Does Your Twitter Customer Service Strategy Look Like?

Want to provide personalized, speedy service to your customers? Look no further than Twitter. Going beyond traditional avenues of customer service is a must-do for brands today. By offering up savvy social service backed up by a strategy, you can use your interactions on Twitter to retain current customers and drum up new ones.

We want to hear from you, though. Do you currently provide customer service via Twitter? Any stories you want to share? Let us hear ’em in the comments below!

This post 10 Tips for Providing Top-Tier Twitter Customer Service originally appeared on Sprout Social.

from SM Tips By Minnie https://sproutsocial.com/insights/twitter-customer-service/

[makeitwithmike]

How to Improve Your Social Media Content With Persuasion Psychology Principles

By Nancy Christinovich

Succeeding in social media sometimes feels like taking a wild stab in the dark.

Though you’re working with data, numbers and words on a screen, it’s people you’re ultimately trying to win over. And people are unpredictable – just because you ‘build it’, doesn’t mean they’ll come.

I mean, who really knows why audiences respond to some posts while completely ignoring others that, to all intents and purposes, seem to be identical?

The good news is that you can step up your social media game with a few lessons from psychologists. In his classic book, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, psychologist Dr. Robert B. Cialdini shares several valuable principles that we can apply to our social media marketing.

Let’s look at the top six psychological principles that can help inspire social media success.

Principle #1: Reciprocation

According to Cialdini, people generally feel compelled to pay back a favor. This is known as reciprocation: an overpowering sense of obligation that we, as social creatures, may well have evolved with. You probably won’t get too far in trying to oblige someone to respond to you. But by offering a little reciprocation yourself, you can show the human side of your brand – a precious quality in a space littered with bots (and uncaring, bot-like behaviour).

@BestBuy reciprocates the support their customers show them.

Try this: Like back, follow back, and selectively repost and retweet from your audience’s sea of voices. Reciprocating the appreciation they show you is a personable gesture of goodwill – a very human thing to do – that can in turn help you build a captive following, which can help improve your brand perception and possibly even your conversions.

Principle #2: Commitment and consistency

The way we see ourselves – our identity or self-concept – holds powerful sway over our day-to-day decisions. So Cialdini’s ‘commitment and consistency’ principle goes. Once people commit to something (that is, establish a piece of their identity), they’re more likely to honor that commitment to stay consistent to who they are.

For example, consider how self-affirmation might help build emotional resilience, or how overcoming one’s ‘inner critic’ might empower a person to succeed.

Writing coach @RayneHall follows other writers who may find her services useful.

Try this: Directly engage people who already align with your brand (just don’t be creepy about it). Social media gives people the opportunity to represent who they are and what they believe in. You’ll see it in their posts, shares, likes, follows and profile bio. All of this information can be used to gain insight into how your audience sees themselves, helping you craft messages consistent with what they’re most likely to respond to.

Principle #3: Social proof

When we’re unsure of how to act, we tend to look for guidance from what other people are doing. This is called the principle of social proof. You’ll often see commercial websites apply it in the form of user reviews, testimonials, awards and ‘customers who bought this also bought…’ references.

Plagiarismcheck.org offers social proof by sharing the size of their user base.

Try this: Collaborate with influencers, micro-influencers and other players in your brand niche. By building strong, publicly visible alliances, you tell your followers it’s okay to think you’re cool because the people they admire think you’re pretty cool already.

Principle #4: ‘Liking’

People are more willing to say yes to someone they know and like – so goes Cialdini’s principle of ‘liking’, which also suggests that we respond well to physical attractiveness, people who are similar to us, people who compliment us, people who cooperate with us, and people we associate with good things.

Just like in real life, you can’t make someone like you, and trying to make someone like you often has the opposite effect. But being likeable is often as simple as staying down-to-earth, finding common ground with others, appreciating people for who they are, and working together towards positive experiences.

Uxdesign.cc��s Medium publication, featuring their lovable mascot, ‘UX Bear’.

Try this: First of all, get your social media profiles looking sharp. Choose visually appealing profile photos and feature/background images. Ensure your posts feature content, tone and wording that your followers can relate to.

When companies fail at social media, it’s usually because they’ve failed to connect with their audiences or failed to drop the stuffy formal tone that’s rampant in corporate culture. So crack jokes, have fun, keep it real. Show your audience a good time and you’ll show them you’re worth saying yes to.

Some friendly ‘brand banter’ between @OldSpice, @TacoBell, and @RocketfishReady.

Principle #5: Authority

Cialdini highlights a chilling lesson from the Milgram experiment in the 1960s – when instructed by an authority figure, perfectly ordinary people would be capable of performing damaging acts, going against their own conscience.

This demonstrates how ingrained our sense of duty to authority can be. But fortunately, in the social space, the principle of authority can work positively too.

@studioguerassio tweets on topics relating to her personal area of expertise.

Try this: Share useful advice from your area of expertise. It shows off your knowledge and helps people who may otherwise have struggled without it. Don’t worry too much about giving this information away for free. The truth is, other experts will do the same, so it’s worth putting yourself out there and letting people know you as someone who knows their stuff.

Principle #6: Scarcity

In his book, Cialdini perfectly sums up the principle of scarcity with a quote from writer G. K. Chesterton:

“The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.”

Just about everywhere in advertising, from huge “one day only” Black Friday signs to tiny “while stocks last” fine print, you’ll see this principle at play. It’s true – people value things more when they realize they can’t just have it anytime they want.

Try this: Hold competitions, giveaways, limited-time offers and member-only (or follower-only) exclusives via your social media platforms. By highlighting the exclusivity and potential for missed opportunity, your followers will be less likely to take your offer for granted.

@dcpedalboard‘s limited-time contest to win a highly coveted prize pack.

Final thoughts

As modern marketers with technology at our fingertips, we have a duty to communicate responsibly and do the right thing by the people who constitute our audience. No honest social media strategist would condone using psychology principles to manipulate the consumer, but sadly, many companies still find a way to trick people for their own gain.

It’s a rotten thing to do, not to mention a risky move in this busy, noisy, digitally empowered world. For once you lose a customer’s trust, you might have lost them for good – especially since your competitors will welcome them with open arms.

So use the above principles for good, not for evil, and remember that it’s all about understanding people’s motivations – not trying to twist their thinking.

Guest Author: Nancy Christinovich is a content strategist behind http://bit.ly/2yUYrcv, a tool that helps combat plagiarism in academia and web writing. She writes for blogs and social media, and you are welcome to follow her on Twitter to ask questions or simply say hello.

The post How to Improve Your Social Media Content With Persuasion Psychology Principles appeared first on Jeffbullas’s Blog.

The post How to Improve Your Social Media Content With Persuasion Psychology Principles appeared first on Make It With Michael.

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