#it's were I got the idea on what to contribute to our

[women-in-ssports]

Sidelines and Spotlights

In this high school AU, Azzi, the star soccer player, and Paige, the standout on the basketball team, have always existed in separate worlds—until a teammate’s crush sparks an unexpected deal. If the soccer team shows up to support basketball, the favor must be returned. What starts as a simple agreement quickly turns into something more as Paige and Azzi find themselves drawn together in ways neither expected. But with growing tensions on and off the court, they’ll have to decide if their connection is just part of the game—or something worth fighting for.

Chapter 2 | Friday Night Lights

3k ish wrds

Sliding into the passenger seat of Caroline’s car, Azzi was still buzzing from everything that had just happened. What had started as a casual decision to attend a basketball game—mostly because KK and Gabe had asked—had somehow ended with not one, but two girls blatantly flirting with her. And now, on top of all that, there were going to be even more people at the soccer game tomorrow. She could hardly wrap her head around it.

Her thoughts were cut off as Caroline turned the key, and the radio blasted to life. “Sorry,” Caroline muttered, quickly reaching for the knob to turn down the volume. Azzi barely registered it before she felt Caroline’s gaze on her.

“So,” Caroline started, a teasing lilt in her voice, “how exactly did you walk out of that game with two girlfriends?”

Azzi groaned, leaning her head back against the seat. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Care.”

Caroline scoffed. “Az, come on. Piper was practically batting her eyelashes at you, and Paige—” she smirked, “—Paige was ready to stake her claim mid-game.”

Azzi shook her head. “They were just being nice,” she insisted. “And Paige—she’s just… well, she has school spirit. Being a good team captain, supporting our team.”

Caroline snorted. “Yeah. Sure.”

⸻

Paige had been nervous all day, second-guessing her plan for the game. The basketball team had decided to make posters for the soccer team, and naturally, she had chosen to make one for Azzi. But that wasn’t all—she had also come up with the idea to make a shirt with a giant “35” on it, something she could pull over her hoodie since it would be cold at the game. The only problem? Paige was much better at sports than arts and crafts.

That’s where Kayla came in. Since she was in art class, Paige had enlisted her help. Paige had tried to contribute, but after the third time she used too much glue and cut the “3” so poorly that it looked more like an open rectangle with a small line, Kayla had all but banned her from helping.

Kayla swatted Paige’s hand away again. “Stop it! You’re going to ruin it.”

“It just has to be visible from far away—it’s a soccer game,” Paige argued.

Kayla rolled her eyes. “I know how soccer games work, Paige. Unlike you, I’ve actually been going to them this year.”

She had a point. Kayla had made friends across different sports teams and always made an effort to support them.

Paige groaned.

“Why are you so jittery about this shirt anyway?” Kayla pressed.

“I’m not,” Paige said quickly, avoiding eye contact.

“Sure,” Kayla said, smirking. “Whatever you say.”

Paige huffed but gave in. “Fine. Just finish it and give it to KK after our math class, okay?”

“Got it.”

Paige mumbled a quick “thanks” before leaving the art room.

Finally, with Paige out of her hair, Kayla could focus on salvaging whatever mess she had made of the number 35.

Azzi was barely making it through her classes, her mind completely preoccupied with the game that night. As soon as the bell for seventh period rang, she started heading toward the exit—only to hear Caroline call out her name from down the hall.

“Azzi! Wait up!”

Azzi turned just as Caroline caught up to her. “Wanna grab some food?”

“Yeah, sounds good,” Azzi said, grateful for the distraction.

Since they had a game that night, Coach Pinoe had let the team out early during 7th period, giving them the perfect excuse to relax before the big match.

Back at Caroline’s house, Azzi, Trinity, and Mal sat around the dinner table as the smell of home-cooked food filled the air. Caroline’s mom walked over, setting plates in front of them with a warm smile.

“Thank you, Mrs. Ducharme!” the girls chimed in unison.

“Of course, girls,” she replied. “Can’t wait to see y’all win tonight!”

Azzi grinned, the pre-game nerves settling just a little. She was ready.

As the team made their way to the sideline to begin warm-ups, Casey’s eyes instinctively drifted toward the bleachers.

“What is she doing here?” Addy mumbled behind her, voice laced with suspicion.

Casey exhaled, shifting uncomfortably. “I honestly don’t know,” she admitted, throwing Addy an apologetic glance.

“Sure you don’t,” Addy muttered, rolling her eyes before turning away to join another line.

Despite herself, Casey stole another glance toward the stands. And there she was—dressed casually in athletic gear, her hair pulled back in a low, messy blonde bun that somehow still looked effortless.

Something stirred deep in Casey’s chest. Was it regret? Or something else entirely?

She wasn’t sure.

What she did know was that her ex never came to a game when they were together. So why now? Why tonight?

On the other end of the field, Azzi led her line through stretches, laser-focused on the game ahead. She was so locked in that she completely missed how packed the bleachers had become—not just with the usual crowd, or the basketball team but others.

Rose was right. Where the girls’ basketball team went, others were sure to follow.

Caroline nudged Trinity, nodding toward the stands. “Look at Aubrey,” she whispered.

Trinity followed her gaze and immediately felt heat rise to her cheeks. There, bundled up against the freezing air, was Aubrey—waving a “Trin for the Win” poster back and forth like her life depended on it.

Trinity blushed and gave a small wave in return.

“Well, that’s cute,” Azzi teased, leaning toward Caroline as they worked through their static stretches.

“If you think that’s cute,” Caroline smirked, “look what blondie did for you.”

Trying to play it cool, Azzi took a quick glance toward the crowd, searching for the blonde. She didn’t have to look far.

There, front and center, Paige stood proudly in an oversized shirt pulled over her hoodie with a bold #35 printed across the front. But what really got Azzi was the sign she held high above her head, scrawled in big, unmistakable letters:

“Fudd Around and Find Out.”

Azzi couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled up.

KK sat down beside Paige, nudging her softly. “Do you see her?” she asked, her tone laced with warning.

“Yeah,” Paige murmured, her eyes locked on the field. “She looks great,” she added, almost to herself.

KK nudged her again, more insistently this time. “No—her,” she said, tilting her head toward the opposing team.

Paige followed her gaze, and when her eyes landed on Casey, she froze.

Nika, overhearing the conversation, leaned in. “I didn’t know she went to that school?”

“She moved,” Paige said flatly, still staring.

“I see why,” Nika muttered under her breath.

On the field, warm-ups were wrapping up, and the team had started their first footwork drills. As Addy jogged over to find a partner, she hesitated before turning to Casey.

“Sorry,” Addy said quietly as Casey tossed her the ball. She hit it back, watching Casey’s expression carefully.

“I really don’t know why she’s here,” Casey muttered.

“You swear you haven’t talked to her?” Addy asked.

“No, I haven’t,” Casey said quickly—though if she were being honest, she’d thought about it. More than once.

Addy sighed. “I don’t even know why you’re so upset. I’m dating you, aren’t I?” Casey shot back, a little sharper than intended.

Addy exhaled, clearly tired of the conversation. “Yeah.”

“Then?” Casey challenged, eyes narrowing.

Addy didn’t have an answer. Instead, she just mumbled, “Sorry,” and focused back on the drill, though the tension between them lingered.

“Did you know she moved to this school?” Nika asked.

“Nope,” Paige replied. “But it makes sense.”

Her gaze drifted toward Addy.

The intensity of their conversation didn’t last long as Aubrey jumped up from her seat, yelling, “Come on, let’s go, Panthers!” The entire student section behind them erupted into cheers.

As the pregame clock ticked down, the crowd settled into their seats.

The game had been a battle, just as it always was against Saint Ambrose. But tonight, something felt different to Azzi. She couldn’t quite place it, but one of the opposing players—#23—seemed determined to make her night miserable. No matter where Azzi moved, she was right there, bodying her off the ball, clipping her heels, and committing just enough fouls to frustrate her without drawing too much attention from the ref.

With fifteen minutes left in the first half, Saint Ambrose finally broke through. A missed switch from Rose left their #12 with a breakaway down the left flank. As Azzi scrambled to close the gap, #3 cut inside at the top of the 18 and, with a quick touch, sent a shot skimming just under Caroline’s outstretched arm. The ball hit the back of the net, and the away crowd erupted.

Azzi clenched her fists, biting the inside of her cheek. She hated this feeling—knowing they had been just a second too slow, just a step behind. As she jogged back to the center circle, she caught sight of Paige in the stands. Their eyes met, just for a second, and something in Paige’s expression—frustration? Determination?—sent a jolt through her.

At halftime, Coach Pinoe wasn’t subtle about her disappointment. She urged them to tighten up the midfield, move the ball quicker, and finish their chances. And when they stepped back onto the field for the second half, the shift was immediate. The team was sharper, more aggressive.

Then, after a well-placed punt from Caroline and a perfectly timed flick from Azzi, Trinity broke free of the defensive line. She took one touch past the last defender and slotted the ball just past the keeper’s right hand.

Azzi sprinted toward Trinity, leaping into her arms as pure adrenaline rushed through her. “Thank you for the assist!” she breathed, catching her with ease.

“Anything for you,” Azzi teased, adding a playful wink.

Rose jogged up beside them, smirking. “Careful, Az,” she said, tilting her head toward the stands. “Looks like you’ve got some competition.”

Following Rose’s gaze, Azzi spotted Aubrey in the crowd, practically bouncing with excitement, waving her sign in the air. The three girls burst into laughter as Trinity pointed toward the stands, just in time to see Aubrey send a heart gesture their way.

As the final minutes of regulation ticked away, the game became a war of attrition. Azzi, playing as the 8, was everywhere—breaking up plays, pushing the attack, and controlling the midfield.

And then it happened.

Azzi took her first touch into the box, heart pounding—only for #23 to come barreling in, reckless and late. Before Azzi could react, she felt her feet swept out from under her.

The whistle blew, sharp and immediate. The stadium erupted.

Paige saw everything. She didn’t yell, didn’t move—she just sat there, jaw clenched, staring at the field. Her heart pounded. What the hell was Casey doing?

Azzi lay on the ground, struggling to catch her breath. Before she could fully process what had happened, a sharp shove caught her attention.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” #3 snapped, pushing #23 back before immediately crouching down to help Azzi up.

Casey stood frozen, eyes flicking toward the stands. Paige. She saw her. She saw all of it.

The ref reached into his pocket. Red. Casey didn’t argue. She just turned and walked off the field, jaw tight.

Azzi, still dazed, accepted Caroline’s hand as she reached for her. “That was… weird.”

“What was?” Caroline asked, glancing between Azzi and the scene unfolding in front of them.

Azzi shook her head. “All of it.”

Shaking off the pain, she stepped up to the penalty spot. One deep breath, then a perfectly placed strike to the bottom right corner.

Goal.

The crowd exploded. Azzi sprinted toward her teammates, arms outstretched, her name echoing through the stands.

2-1. Game over.

And in the stands, Paige exhaled, heart still racing.

“That was great, ladies!” Coach Pinoe called out as the team gathered around for their post-game huddle. “Caroline, way to be a brick wall in goal! And Trin, Azzi—clutch goals. You two saved us tonight.”

The girls grinned, exchanging exhausted but triumphant glances as Coach continued. “Now, go celebrate with your families and friends. I’ll see you all at school on Monday. Let’s break!”

“One, two, three—Panthers!” they shouted in unison before jogging toward the benches.

Azzi shifted slightly, instinctively looking toward the stands where her family usually waited. But they were out of town for her brother’s tournament, and with her staying at Caroline’s for the weekend, she followed alongside her instead.

As they crossed the field, Azzi’s mind drifted—not just toward the game but to Paige. She caught a glimpse of her lingering near the stands, but before she could process it, Mrs. Ducharme’s warm voice pulled her back.

“You ladies did great!” Mrs. Ducharme said, wrapping both girls in a hug. She pulled back slightly, her gaze landing on Azzi. “Are you okay? That was a hard hit out there.”

Azzi shrugged, offering a small smile. “Just soccer,” she said lightly. “Took a big hit, but I’m good now.”

Mrs. Ducharme studied her for a moment before stepping back. “Alright, be home by 12:30, okay?”

Azzi and Caroline froze, exchanging a look—an entire conversation passing between them in silence. 12:30? Mrs. Ducharme never let them stay out this late.

Before she could change her mind, Caroline quickly replied, “Thanks, Mom!”

With one last quick hug, the two jogged over to the remaining crowd near the student section. Most of the stands had cleared out, only a few stragglers left—including the basketball team, still hanging around.

As they made their way closer to the crowd, Paige was the first to reach them. Her eyes, laced with concern, flickered toward Azzi. She hesitated, unsure if she should ask the question lingering on her mind— Was Azzi okay? The hit had been brutal, and worst of all, Paige knew it was her fault.

As they reached the crowd, Paige was the first to step forward, her eyes flickering with concern. She hesitated for only a second before reaching out, pulling Caroline into a quick hug before turning to Azzi.

“Hey, you good after that hit?” Paige asked, her voice careful but casual.

Azzi shrugged, offering an easy smile. “Yeah, nothing I couldn’t handle. I’m just glad we won.”

“Me too,” Trinity chimed in, appearing beside them with Aubrey’s arm draped lazily over her shoulders.

“Speaking of the game,” Aubrey said, turning her attention to Caroline, “you were incredible out there.”

Caroline laughed softly. “Thanks,” she replied.

As the conversation continued, shifting between plays and highlights from the game, KK and Nika made their way over. Without warning, KK pulled Azzi into an excited hug, practically bouncing as she congratulated her.

Just then, KK’s phone buzzed with an incoming message from Gabe. She glanced down at the screen and smirked. “Looks like there’s gonna be a party tonight.”

Paige perked up, looking over at her. “Cool, I’m down.”

Aubrey turned to Trinity. “You all coming?”

Trinity, ever the tease, responded nonchalantly, “We might go after dinner with the team.”

Rose snorted, shaking her head. They all knew Trinity was just playing hard to get.

“Cool,” KK said, nodding. “I’ll text you the address, Azzi.” With that, she spun on her heel and headed toward the parking lot.

As the soccer girls grabbed their bags and started moving toward the locker room, Paige reached out, gently catching Azzi’s hand and stopping her in her tracks.

“If you end up coming to the party—or want to—let me know. I could come get you.” Paige’s voice was steady, but there was something behind her eyes, something lingering.

Azzi tilted her head slightly, looking up through her lashes. She could have just said yes, could have given a simple answer. But where was the fun in that?

“I don’t have your number, Paige,” she said instead, letting the words hang between them. “And I’m staying with Caroline this weekend, so we have her car.”

Paige blinked, momentarily thrown off, but quickly recovered. “Well,” she said, stepping forward just enough to close the space between them, “as for you staying with Caroline, I have a big enough car for both of you. And as for the number…” She pulled out her phone, holding it out toward Azzi. “We can fix that right now. If you want to give me yours.”

Azzi hesitated for just a second, meeting Paige’s eyes—but she didn’t take the phone. Instead, she smirked, stepping back.

“I’ll see you at the party, Paige,” she said, turning on her heel toward the locker room. Then, just as she disappeared from view, she threw a teasing “Maybe” over her shoulder.

Paige let out a slow breath, bringing her phone back to her side. She should have been annoyed, maybe even frustrated. But instead, a smile crept onto her face as she watched Azzi walk away.

As Caroline reversed her packed car out of the parking lot, the conversation inside was a mix of indecision and excitement.

“We should go to the party,” Mal suggested from the backseat.

“I don’t know…” Trinity countered, her voice uncertain.

“Trin, you know you want to go,” Caroline teased, shooting her a knowing look.

Trinity sighed. “I do, but… I don’t know.”

Azzi was just about to add her opinion when something outside the window caught her eye—a familiar blonde bun standing just outside the gate. Paige.

But that wasn’t what made her pause. It was the girl standing next to Paige.

#23.

They didn’t look exactly cozy, but they definitely knew each other. Before Azzi could process it, the girl leaned in, resting her head briefly on Paige’s shoulder. Paige didn’t hesitate—she wrapped her arms around her in a hug before stepping back, her expression unreadable.

Azzi’s gaze flicked to the side, catching Nika and KK lingering nearby, watching the interaction just as she was. Paige said something to the girl before turning to walk off with them, disappearing into the night.

Azzi exhaled, her grip tightening slightly on her seatbelt. Maybe she should have taken Paige’s number after all.

[anim-ttrpgs]

something I don’t get about the disability metaphor is that for eureka monsters obviously it harms another person to eat them. the help a disabled person needs doesn’t actively harm or kill another person. Maybe it’s a difference in perspectives that cannot be resolved

(What I’m about to write could potentially sound very fucked up at first so I’m going to need to trust everyone to read the whole thing before forming an opinion.)

Also this message and response references these two posts.

Eureka’s stance on disabled people is that they (including myself writing this) are, or at least can often be, burdens.

Disabled people often require more resources to live than they are able to “give back,” which, in our capitalist and artificial-scarcity-based economy, is just about the worst thing a person can do.

Anti-ableism sentiment often focuses on the idea that “disabled people aren’t burdens, that they’re just as good and capable as everyone else,” but if they were, they wouldn’t be “disabled” would they? When you say stuff like that, you’re conceding that a person’s worth is determined by how capable they are at doing work, and then having to bend over backwards to justify thinking that a person without arms is just as valuable as a person with arms. Eureka is asking you to decouple a person’s value from how much net resources they can produce.

Often times also, the resources that real disabled people consume are human resources, and those human resources are very much capable of suffering for it. Nurses are overworked, around-the-clock care is absolutely physically and mentally exhausting, people who have to care for their elderly or otherwise disabled relatives on top of their regular jobs don’t get to have social lives or hobbies, etc.

To this end, we wrote the monsters in Eureka to be unquestionably people who “cause damage” to society by literally eating up human resources, because they have to to live, they have no other choice unless they want to just die. Your friend is gone from your life because he has to spend all his free time caring for his comatose wife after a freak car accident. Your friend is gone from your life because a vampire randomly ate him. Providing a metaphor isn't all the monsters are doing, they just work well through that lens.

And then Eureka forces you to look at these people as people, and make up your mind as to whether they have value and a right to prologue their own existence. We can’t force you to agree that they do, but if you think they don’t, then you’ll have to make that argument looking at an intelligent person with a life rather than a pure hypothetical or statistics on a chart.

There are some monsters in Eureka where, if the economy or societal structures were changed, they would stop being such severe drains on resources and could exist harmlessly within society, and there are some monsters where no imaginable amount of societal change would solve the problems they cause. This is true of disabled people IRL as well. Some of them would require no further assistance with living if certain things about society changed, and others would still require a massive amount of human resources.

And even when it’s not necessarily human resources, the extra resources that disabled people need also cause huge energy expenditure and create huge amounts of plastic waste, which are things that contribute to global warming and pollution, which do have significant harmful effects on everyone’s lives. Despite this, they are still “worth it” to keep around.

As for actively causing harm, that happens too. I randomly scrolled past this post after we got this message and saved it so I could link it here.

This person and their family had to cause a big stink in a restaurant just to get an accommodation that they needed, and to us reading it from their perspective, we’re obviously on their side, but I can assure you that the overworked staff at that restaurant didn’t see it that way. They saw the disabled person as an aggressive Karen whom they would never in a million years want to have to provide customer service to. The disabled person & family had to get aggressive, and ruin the staff’s day, to get what they needed. That’s actively causing harm - harm we all agreed was justified to cause - but harm nonetheless.

Plastic straws aren’t that big of a deal for global pollution, but even if they were, the point is that this person still would have needed a straw. It doesn’t line up one-to-one, because metaphors rarely do, but a vampire asking if they can drink someone’s blood, and being told No, may find themselves in much the same position. (And if you bring up that some people find vampires really sexy, you’re missing the point. “I would give them a straw if they had sex with me.” is not actually a great thing to announce about yourself.)

I can also come up with an example from my own life. I personally am very sensitive to noise and noise pollution. If there’s music playing at a public space, I usually can’t handle it. (Earplugs don’t work for other reasons I won’t get into - plus, if I just deafen myself to all sound, how can I socialize with anyone in this public space?)

If I want to exist in this space, I will have to actively cause harm to everyone there, or else stop existing in that space. I will have to go up to whoever is responsible and ask them to turn off the music, actively taking it away from everyone else who was enjoying it. I have to take action to ruin their good time if I want to exist in that space at all, and they might, very understandably, be pissed off at me for doing that. Because, like I said in this other post, the people that monsters eat do have a right to prevent themselves from being eaten by monsters. We aren't proposing that the solution is everyone has to line up to be mauled to death by monsters or else they're a bad person.

Who has a greater right to enjoy themselves in that space? That’s the kind of question that Eureka poses, and makes you consider both sides as human being rather than denoting one as just an ontologically evil villain to be destroyed.

We actually don't know of perfect solutions to all the problems presented by the existance of monsters in Eureka, we just know that "exterminate all people who are parasites and burdens to society" ain't it.

[adore-laur]

in one of your pieces it’s briefly mentioned that the first time they had sex after she gives birth it was really uncomfortable and not good and i was wondering if you’d ever write that ? i love the idea of sex not always being perfect especially after going weeks without it

PERFECTLY IMPERFECT

——

There was a sexual suggestiveness about the toothpick poking from Harry's mouth, and its effect on you could only be attributed to your severe case of sleep deprivation. It was a stupid piece of wood, and yet how it was framed between his plush lips sent prickles of heat surging down your neck and spine. On second thought, perhaps it was the apron tied around his waist as he dipped ripe strawberries in melted chocolate for a Valentine's Day dessert—his long fingers working with skillful precision, the sleeves of his tight long-sleeve shirt rolled up, the romantic gesture of it all. No, maybe it was the baby sling wrapped around his shoulder that held your four-month-old daughter, who was watching his every move. God, and the way he was murmuring to her each step of what he was doing definitely contributed to your rising libido. It was a sight you were still getting used to. More remarkably, it validated your years-long yearning to have children with him.

If humble swagger existed, it came in the form of how Harry carried himself as a father. The casual way he interacted with your baby was as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Walking around the house with her on his hip, going about his daily routine. Always willing to step in to give you a moment to relax. He was dependable, and you cursed your hormones for reacting so rabidly to it.

Maybe the changes your mind and body had gone through were catching up. After months, you finally felt healed from the physical wounds of giving birth. No more stitches or soreness down below. No more bleeding.

Your desire for sex was... almost normal again. You were being a bit sheepish about initiating anything, so you sincerely hoped the hunger in your eyes was communicating to Harry what you couldn't say verbally. The problem, however, was that Harry was too enamored with your little girl to notice your longing gaze. She was the center of his universe now, and you couldn't blame him for orbiting her radiance. She brought a certain euphoria to each day.

You rested your chin on the back of the couch where you observed them and inhaled the sweet scent of chocolate. It was quiet moments like these, where baby cries paused, that warmed your soul. You took time to appreciate the beauty of home, with its familiar waves and friendly birds. The creak of the floorboards and the color of the walls. The rumble of your husband's voice and his gentle presence. And most lovely of all, the adorable coos coming from the life you created.

Your eyes shifted over to the kitchen table, where a tall glass vase with flowers sat. You had woken up this morning to Harry helping your daughter hold a pretty bouquet of peonies to present to you. It came with a note that read, You make our hearts bloom. We love you.

Life was chaotic lately, yet so very blissful.

Harry was humming now as he threw the toothpick away and set the dipped strawberries in the fridge to harden. The plump red flesh encased in delectable chocolate made your mouth water. Such a simple recipe, yet somehow Harry made them taste better than a gourmet baker ever could.

He shut the fridge and moved to the sink to wash his hands. He must have sensed your gaze because he looked over his shoulder and smiled. Just the sight of him in this new role caused a swell of emotion to crash against your chest and crack your heart open.

"I've got an audience," he remarked.

You just stared at his hands supporting your daughter's small body—beautiful, sculpted, and what you had been missing desperately on your skin. It was embarrassing to admit that ever since giving birth, the closest you and Harry had gotten to any sexual intimacy was dry humping. Even then, your stitches had still been healing, so the experience was never quite satisfactory. It was no surprise that you were growing impatient.

"What?" Harry asked, noticing your strange silence.

"Nothing," you murmured, feigning nonchalance.

He chuckled and walked over to you. "You're blushing."

Your palms flew to your cheeks. "I am?"

"Big time. Are you feeling okay?"

"I... yes, I'm just"—you fanned your overheated face—"feeling a lot of things right now."

His brows scrunched together. Men were so lucky not to experience the rollercoaster of female hormones. You would sound asinine if you attempted to explain why your body was responding to him doing nothing but being a good father.

"I'm stressing you out," Harry stated as a guess.

"No, not at all."

"You're having a hot flash," he guessed again.

Groaning, you dropped your head face-first onto the couch and mumbled, "I need sex."

"Say it again, please?"

You lifted your head and avoided contact as you repeated, "I need sex. I'm healed, and I want to take advantage of this urge before it goes away." Because it would. Your hormones were still regularizing post-birth, so you weren't going to count on getting your libido back to complete normalcy. Instead, you would pounce on the open opportunities.

Harry contemplated your confession for a while, making no show of judgment. "Any blood?" he asked.

"Nope."

"And the stitches?"

"They're dissolved. Can't even tell I pushed a nearly ten-pound baby out."

He smiled, albeit cautiously. "But how do you feel?"

"I'm fine, Harry," you assured. "If you're not feeling it, we don't have to do anything. Just, you know, giving you the green light."

A shadow of sincerity passed over his face. "Who said I'm not feeling it?" You shrugged, and he gently grabbed your chin to raise it. "Look at me." His green eyes held your gaze steadily. "You wanna try?"

"Yeah," you whispered. "I miss you."

"You have me," he said resolutely. "All of me, tonight."

"Oh," you said, not expecting him to jump on board so eagerly.

"Let's shoot for eight o'clock. When the little one goes to bed."

You broke out into a giggle. "So... a sex appointment."

Now it was his turn to blush. "I heard scheduling sex is supposed to help new parents reconnect."

A rush of heat spread to the tips of your fingers. You thought of the multiple instances when you and Harry consolidated spontaneity and sex. It often sprung upon you without warning, like a carnal beast clawing at your skin. And it always involved mutual desire, like a burning ball of tension the size of the sun. The house was memory-stained with reminders of all the ways your body had been worshiped. Over by the kitchen island, Harry had held you captive with his hips pressed flush against yours. The bay window in the living room had sometimes been blemished with handprints. But the bed in which you sleep and wake up to him every morning was where long, intense sessions happened. Harry slowly sliding into you during weekend sleep-ins, providing a warmth and fullness so heavenly. Late-night quickies after being away from each other all day, a little messy yet perfect all the same. Hell, you had even done it in the ocean under the moon. You wanted nothing more than to find that natural groove again.

"Okay." You reached out to squeeze his bicep. "I believe you."

"All right," he replied in the deep, sensual tone he reserved for intimate conversations like these. You looked downward, feeling giddy. Within milliseconds, Harry planted a hot, heavy kiss on your lips before walking away.

With the way your heart fluttered, one would think you had just met him. But you knew his body exclusively, as he knew yours, and tonight would be a test.

——

You stood in the doorway of your closet, sifting through the three pairs of lingerie you owned. They were lacy little one-pieces in off-white, powder blue, and red. It was doubtful they would fit like they used to, but you craved wearing something other than baggy sweats and Harry's shirts. While it gave you pride that you grew life, an insecurity still planted its pesky seed inside. You hadn't looked at your bare body in the mirror since, honestly, you didn't have a clue. It would never look the same again, especially considering you didn't plan to only have one child.

There was a nervous tremor in your hands as you took the red lingerie off its hanger—a slimming color to hide the loose, extra skin that still remained postpartum. You thought about Harry and how he liked to strip away every last piece of fabric blocking him from his touch. Even before pregnancy, during sex, you had never felt the need to accentuate your physicality with frilly, feminine garments. Harry took you in just about anything. Unfortunately, as new parents, there was simply not enough time or energy to initiate anything more than mediocre makeouts. You felt foolish for even bringing up the prospect of sex earlier. Now there was an expectation, and you couldn't guarantee you wouldn't chicken out.

Why were you so jittery? He was your husband, for crying out loud. There was no one you felt more comfortable around.

With a huff, you started undressing yourself just as the sound of the blow dryer stopped. Harry would be ready any minute for this supposed sex appointment. Meanwhile, you were out of practice, self-conscious, and hopelessly horny—he was going to regret agreeing to this.

You tugged the lingerie on, feeling it cinch your torso and breasts. It was tight, the flimsy fabric holding on for dear life. The V-shaped cut revealed the stretch marks lining your hips. The lace was itchy and dug into your skin suffocatingly. Fuck, this was quickly turning into a self-enforced humiliation ritual.

The bathroom door slid open, and Harry emerged in just a pair of white boxers, his hair dry and fluffy. The leftover shower steam made his skin glow, as did the dim lighting. He was effortlessly handsome, while you stood there in too-tight lingerie wondering if you looked desirable enough to stimulate his sex drive. From your perspective, all signs pointed to not likely.

Harry slowly walked toward you, his eyes exploring every inch of your body, and you leaned against the wall while fidgeting with the lingerie's shoulder straps. In the silence of his appraisal, you awkwardly shuffled your feet—it was futile to fake confidence right now.

"My forever Valentine," Harry said quietly, immediately attaching his hands to your waist.

You practically whined, then muttered, "I look ridiculous."

"You're joking, right?" He bent his knees to be eye level with you, a near-crazed look on his face. "Right?"

"It barely fits, Harry."

A slow smirk stretched his lips. "That better not be the only time you say that tonight."

You glared at him for his crude joke and said, "This is silly."

"What is?"

"This whole... rendezvous."

"I think it's fun," Harry said with a carefree shrug.

"But it's different from other times," you admitted.

"How so?" He kissed your neck, his affection warm and a welcome distraction to your disoriented thoughts. He smelled ravishing, the subtle hints of his spice and black vanilla shower cleanser putting you under a spell. A pulse of appetency made you press against him.

"My body," you said.

His hands traveled to your backside, squeezing the flesh there. "This body? The one I'd get down on my knees for?"

In one fell swoop, all your internal heat returned with a rush. "It's kind of a mess," you replied. "I haven't shaved. And my stomach looks like a wrinkly prune, so there's that."

Harry traced his thumb under the lacy hem hugging your hips. "Doesn't bother me. Prunes are delicious."

Deep down, you knew he wouldn't care. He had loved every part of you through pregnancy, with all its mind-bending changes and symptoms. If he had found you sexy then, he would appreciate your appearance now. Though it would take time for you to truly believe it.

"I just want this to be good," you murmured, resting your forehead on his firm chest.

"Hey." He lifted your head and cradled it. "We'll find a way to make this work. Let's take it slow." You nodded, and he leaned closer to whisper, "I know how to get you wet. Don't think I've forgotten."

Truthfully, you were already wet, but you didn't say anything as Harry grabbed your hand and squeezed it before guiding you to the bed. While he had been taking a shower, you had fluffed the pillows and straightened the sheets. You had even sat there and mentally filtered through what positions would be most reasonable. Sex was to be careful tonight. No need for anything crazy.

You climbed into bed, and Harry remained standing. The outline of his hardened cock pushed against his boxers. A flame ignited low in your belly—to get to have him inside you after so long was exhilarating.

When he didn't move to join you, you asked, "What are you doing?"

"Following your lead," he said. "Where do you want me?"

"Um... on your side, I guess. Next to me."

Harry didn't waste any time and got into position, his hand propping his head up. There was an expectant openness in his eyes, and you almost laughed. This was out of the ordinary, but it somehow eased your nerves.

"I want to face each other," you added. "And I... I want you to do that thing where you hold my leg up against your hip."

He hummed, his eyes flashing with something lustful. "Understood. But you're going to have to take your lingerie off."

"Right." You swallowed nervously. "I'll do that."

You stripped while Harry removed his boxers and rolled on a condom. He watched your breasts bounce free, watched the lace slide down your torso and legs. It was your armor against the reality that your body wasn't the same as the one Harry had touched for the first time. But you trusted him and his admiration for the life you brought into the world. There was nothing to be ashamed of.

You lie bare beside Harry now. His gaze turned fond, taking in all of you—no judgment, no confusion, no surprise. But why would there be? He'd been there when your pants stopped fitting during pregnancy. When you hadn't been able to shave anything below your bump. When you had needed help getting off the couch. Christ, he had seen you give birth. It didn't get much more intimate than that.

"Come here," Harry said softly. You scooted down to lie on the mattress facing him. "You're beautiful. This version of your body isn't something to dwell on. Every stretch mark, every wrinkle, every curve is a testament to your amazing ability to grow life."

You were speechless, so you just sprung forward and kissed him

"Ready?" He smiled against your mouth, and you returned it.

"Ready."

"I'm going to go slow. Tell me if it hurts." Harry grabbed his cock, holding the tip against your entrance. Without you needing to remind him, he bent your leg to rest against his hip, opening you further. He slid himself in, only an inch or two, keeping his eyes locked on yours. It was slow, like he promised, but there was a slight burning sensation. You inhaled sharply and gripped his wrist.

"Too fast?"

You moaned, half in pleasure and half in discomfort. "No, it just... feels rough. Even with the condom on."

"Okay. I won't go further."

"Maybe go deeper and it'll stop."

"No," Harry said, pulling out. "I'm not about to risk making you bleed or delaying your healing. Absolutely not."

"But—”

"But nothing. Your body's obviously not ready yet, and that's okay."

"I'm sorry," you whispered sadly.

"Don't be," he said, stroking your hair. "You thought you were healed, but it's hard to know for sure without actually having sex."

You let out a disappointed sigh. "Well, this was a bust. Back to dry humping for the foreseeable future."

"I'm not complaining." Harry rolled onto his back, then yanked the sheets over his boner. 

"You're serious?"

He patted his lap. "Hop on, baby."

Laughing, you straddled him for yet another clumsy experience. But with his determination to make it enjoyable, it would be perfectly imperfect.

——

[ihatethecrowdsyouknowthat]

after the party - spencer reid x fem!reader

reader can't let go of her wedding day so spencer needs to give a reminder of what weddings are really about

genre: flangst wc: 823 warnings: wedding, post-wedding-depression, talk of honeymoon and kids, reassuring, very brief mention of the wedding night, pessimist!reader

Your wedding was everything. It was perfect despite your worries. Beforehand, you thought up all that could possibly go wrong but it turned out that the moment you saw him waiting at the end of the flower-covered aisle, nothing could ruin it. There was cake, food, photos, smiles, and laughter. When it came to your first dance as, officially, Mr. and Mrs. Reid, Spencer revealed that he'd been taking dance lessons without your knowledge. He said he didn't want to mar your perfect wedding with his two left feet and poor coordination. You thought the idea was preposterous.

The planner he was, David Rossi offered to hold the event at his mansion. Who were you to pass that up? It ended up being everything you've ever dreamed of—fairy-lit backyard, family, and the man you love. Not to mention the party.

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. While your wedding night was mind-blowing, you were upset to leave the day behind. Because you knew you'd revisit it forever.

And you already are.

Yes, you're now the wife of the most perfect man you've ever known but the best day of your life has also slipped away. Maybe that's dramatic and not at all what you should be focused on but you can't really help it, can you? Perhaps it's the petulant side of you. The side that yearns and holds on.

And maybe it's the metaphoric packing away of the memories that's contributing to this feeling. After all, you're quite literally picking up the night before and placing it in the garbage. Quite literally. Here you stand, in slippers and remnants of last night's makeup, picking bits of confetti and glitter off the ground. Leftover curls sit atop your head.

From behind you, familiar arms wrap around your waist. "You finished outside already?" you ask. Spencer shakes his head against your shoulder. "No, not yet. I just wanted to see you."

You smile, turning to face him, a hand coming up to hold his face. You remember yesterday, how he looked, smelled, admired you while—

"What's wrong?"

"What do you mean?" your brows furrow.

He hums thoughtfully. You wonder if you'll ever feel how you did last night again. "You seem... distant," Spencer acknowledges, eyes narrowed.

"Oh."

Kindly, his eyes search yours, looking for any explanation because all he really wants is for you to be happy. He mutters softly, head dipping closer to your level, "tell me what I can do."

What can he do? You mean, he's a profiler, he's not going to let this go. So, you should tell him, right?

"I'm just... upset that it's over, I guess. I'll never be a bride again," you admit gently, voice unsure.

Spencer nods with understanding. His hand runs up and down your arm. "You're right... you'll never be a bride again," a small smile appears on his lips, "but you'll always be my wife."

It's true and you know it. You'll be his forever and ever. He'll be yours. Though, there's still that feeling that your best has passed you by.

"I suppose that's true..."

A sigh leaves him before he inquires with a faint, cheeky smile, "is that really why we got married? To have a party?"

You frown, shaking your head adamantly. "No! Come on, you know what I mean."

"No, I don't," he quips with more confidence than you were expecting. "Because, yes, our wedding is over, but now we move on to the next part and then the next and then the next."

You playfully roll your eyes at the simplicity of his words. Since you, he's become better at looking at things more positively. Probably because you don't.

"Think about it," he whispers.

"Think about what?" you hum, now a small smile on your lips.

Spencer grins with you, bringing his hand to yours. "What comes next. Look forward to our honeymoon instead of thinking about what's passed."

"Okay, fine. I'm only agreeing because I'm excited to go to Paris, though," you giggle softly.

In an awful French accent, he responds almost dreamily, "ah, Paris."

Leaning down, he places an exaggerated kiss to your cheek before sighing, “then whatever comes after. House, kids.”

“Kids,” you murmur happily. You’ve spoken about this.

“Yes. Let’s focus on the next few things, okay?” he smiles sweetly.

You nod your head. Spencer’s ability to soothe every line between your brows never fails to baffle you. Somehow, he can simultaneously calm and excite you with everything he does. Perhaps it’s in his nature or maybe he just knows you all too well. You like to think it’s the second option.

When his lips come down on yours in a gesture of warmth, you breathe out through your nose, a smile creeping up onto your mouth. It’s quick, lasting only a few seconds.

“Better?” Spencer mutters.

Humming in affirmation, you nod. Your thumb brushes the scruff on his chin. “Better.”

tags: @angellic4l @sweetestthingonthissideofhell @floraisunwell @1mnshw @mggslover

[heavenbarnes]

Hiii, I just devoured your older bf!simon posts and I got this one brainworm

So, he hasn't figured out how to make albums yet in his gallery, the first time he passed his phone around to let his team gawk at your photos, he had accidentally left one of HIS photo

Imagine the team scrolling through his gallery, drooling at your photo in skimpy outfits, various state of undress then BAM, the hottest dickpic of their L.t. appeared on screen (courtesy of your instructions ofc)

I just think it'll be A Thing™, like, obviously they know Ghost is hot, probably also know how big his dick is, but seeing it presented like that? Some of them definitely moaned. And I bet Simon noticed, probably will start leaving a few of his own photos in between yours, as a treat for the boys.

(Feel free to ignore this if this isn't sth you're comfortable with 🫶🏻)

this is fucking insane i’m going to wet my pants- thank you for this idea you’re a genius 🫶🏼 | effective continuation of this

the 141 would like to enter your older bf!simon’s phone into the museum of natural history for its significant contributions to peace keeping efforts.

if that phone hadn’t been in this safe house, there would be far more destruction in their wake. it goes without saying, really.

what you will say is, whilst his phone is the metaphor- it’s really you that’s giving the opposition time to breathe (limited, their time will eventually come)

the dining table was small, when you had four hulking great men around it the thing looked minuscule. room temperature beers in front of them, it’d taken at least three bottles each for the first to speak up.

“c’mon mate, put us out our misery”

obviously their captain would take one for the team and go first, eyes locking with simon. without being able to see his mouth, it was hard to tell but price was pretty sure that was a chuckle (he hoped it was)

a quick rustle as simon shoved his hand in the pocket of his tactical trousers, retrieving the battered android and laying it in the centre of the table.

bated breathe, you could’ve heard a fucking pin drop as they all watched him unlock his phone. one long finger hovering over the camera app before he pressed it, an almost collective sigh of relief emanating through the house.

simon couldn’t and wouldn’t organise his phone, apps always open in the background, unorganised on his home screen, not a fucking photo album in sight.

photos heaped together in the one collective mess. it was very possible to be looking at an old receipt one minute and then the small of your back with cum across it the next.

majority of the photos were you, and not always filthy. simon couldn’t take a photo to save his life but the ones of you always looked breathtaking.

if you asked him, that’s just what you always looked like.

however, the 141 weren’t there for photos of you smiling as you pet a friendly dog. they were there for the kind of photo simon was just about to pull up.

sat on the corner of the bed, photo taken in the long mirror against the wall. thighs spread and one hand playing between them as the other held your phone next to your pouting lips.

gaz was the first to state the obvious.

“jesus christ, mate”

simon didn’t even blink, finger swiping through the next photo.

on the bed on your knees with your chest pressed to the mattress. looking back over your shoulder with a fucked out expression as you practically gave your ass to the camera.

the unmistakable sound of johnny shifting in the seat to his left caught simon, adjusting his cock just out the corner of his eye.

photo after photo, full nude, lingerie, simon’s shirts, just the bed sheet. with every one that passed, the beer was soon forgotten about when the buzz they got off you was unmatched.

the sweet glow that seemed to radiate off you filled the otherwise dim place the men had been hold up in. photos beginning to blur into one until-

the photo was taken from mid-thigh, simon somehow looked even bigger from this angle. shirt lifted enough to show his scarred stomach but his balaclava stayed on. exposed eyes staring down at the camera as his large hand wrapped around his equally large cock.

dead silence speared straight down the middle by a moan, pathetically covered with a cough. simon pretended not to notice the accent, left the phone in the centre of the table.

nobody could look away, it was physically impossible to tear their eyes off the sight in front of them. had they ever seen one that big in real life?

“fuckin’ell L.T, what’ya doin’ w’all that?”

they all knew simon had a big cock, you could tell by looking at him- the way he walked. if you’d ended up in the showers with him on base and seen it soft you’d even know.

it was unmissable.

but seeing it like this? looming over the camera at this angle, practically eclipsing the natural light, his thick fingers just closing around the base. this was something else.

you were quite the artistic director.

nobody wanted to be the first to say what the other was thinking. allowing the silence to fill the space only broken by the occasional sound of someone adjusting their trousers.

simon didn’t need anything to be said, he knew what he had and he knew the effect it had on- anyone really. he simply sat back in his seat, spreading his thighs wider and ignoring the occasional glance that fell on him when he did it.

finally cutting them loose, simon swiped to the next photo- back to you with cum streaked across your face. throats clearing and murmurs arising from the group.

“that’s real nice”

“would y’look at the fuckin’ state a’that”

“what i wouldn’t give”

simon grunted in agreement, eyes flickering around the table with a feeling invisible growing in his chest. a feeling that he wasn’t used to but didn’t- mind?

he didn’t think too long, he couldn’t think too long.

those photos would just have to become part of the regular.

[feeder86]

The Neighbor's Boy

“So, do you want to tell us what the fuck is going on?” laughed Martin as Nick’s new boyfriend headed away to the bathroom.

Nick smirked and sat back in the chair, filling his broad, muscular chest with air and looking around at all the chubby boys’ expressions. “What?” he teased, pretending not to know what they were all so surprised about. “Duncan’s a nice guy.”

“But you don’t date nice guys,” Martin countered. “In order to date nice guys, you need to be a nice guy yourself.”

“Ouch!” Nick chuckled, enjoying his bad boy status with the guys. Despite his kind eyes and pretty face, Nick was never without an ulterior motive. “That hurt!” he lied, looking around and seeing even the guy behind the bar checking him out. “I’ll have you know that lots of people think I’m a very ‘nice’ person!”

“That’s because they don’t know you like we do,” Ben contributed, looking around at all of the other chubs in their circle. “And I bet sweet little Duncan doesn’t even know you’re a feeder, does he?”

Nick raised an eyebrow and smiled. “Of course he doesn’t.”

The chubs all looked at each other disapprovingly, despite the kinky thrill they secretly felt. Each one of them owed a good few pounds of their own blubbery physiques to Nick and his incredible ability to arouse them whilst they ate for him; the best and most skilled feeder they had ever come across. “You’re not going to fatten up him are you?” Martin asked. “Not without him knowing?”

“I’ve already started,” Nick laughed. “I got seven thousand calories in him the other day and he barely even noticed.”

“Nick!” Ben sighed. “That’s not cool!”

“I am what I am!” Nick sniggered unapologetically. “I see a little skinny shit like Duncan and my dick tells me I’ve got to feed him until he’s got some decent tits and a proper double chin on him!”

“Why him, though?” Ian asked. “He seems so sweet and innocent.”

Nick shrugged. “My parents were trying to set me up, saying they were sick of all the ‘mysterious guys’ I seemed to date,” he laughed. “Duncan’s family lived on my parents’ street and he’s just come back from college. I remember him as the little gay kid that used to stare out of the window whenever I was mowing my parents’ lawn shirtless at the end of high school,” he smirked, having been the focus on many sexual fantasies for several years now. “I didn’t have much to do with Duncan back then. He’s a couple of years younger than me. But Duncan’s dad was the fattest guy on our street, so of course I had a crush on him growing up. Now his mom is quite friendly with my mom and they’re trying their best to get us together.” he laughed at the idea. These fat boys knew him best in the whole world. Anyone with a real sense of who Nick really was would keep their handsome sons far away from him. “I thought dating Duncan would be a great opportunity to show my parents that they need to keep their noses out of my love life.”

“So, you’re dating him and secretly fattening him up to teach your parents a lesson about interfering?” Martin asked, exasperated.

“Pretty much,” Nick nodded. “Once they see the boy sprouting a little gut, they’ll soon realise the mistake they’ve made. It won’t take any of them long to work out who was responsible. I am a feeder after all…,” he whispered, spotting Duncan making his way back from the bathroom and sitting back up again. “That sounds incredible!” Nick lamented, as if they had been discussing something completely different the entire time.

“What does?” Duncan asked curiously, assuming that the boys were in the middle of a riveting conversation.

“Martin was just saying about this amazing donut place we need to try out later,” Nick lied. 

“Oh, yeah?” Duncan smiled over at Martin. “Sounds good. I love donuts.”

The boys all looked at each other guiltily, none of them willing to sound the alarm bells to Nick’s new lover; now all equally complicit in the whole wicked business.

“Your friends are so great,” Duncan smiled, getting into the back of the cab whilst holding the large box of donuts Nick had bought him.

“And they really liked you,” Nick smiled, taking the box from him and ripping it open for Duncan to try one. 

“They’re not at all how I imagined,” Duncan replied, nibbling on one without a second thought. “I remember you always hung out with the jock crowd in high school.”

Nick smirked to himself. Clearly Duncan hadn’t even recognised Martin as being one of those high school jocks he used to hang out with; now a full one hundred and sixty pounds fatter than in those days, thanks to him. “I choose my friends based upon how fun they are, rather than how they look,” he lied innocently, already picking up and handling Duncan’s next donut.

“I really like that about you,” Duncan smiled. “You’re so perfect,” he whispered, before the pair kissed gently.

Nick stroked his lover’s hair as the third and fourth donuts mindlessly disappeared down Duncan’s throat during their short journey back to his place. Duncan was the son of a fatty alright. That greed was inside there, waiting to be enabled. “Perhaps…” he teased, closing the lid on the donut box, “you could eat the rest of these off my dick when we get back?”

Duncan nodded keenly. Nick had started introducing food into their foreplay last week and it had gone down well ever since. It was so obvious that Dunan had been fantasising about being with Nick since he was a teenager and first realised he was gay. It was almost pathetically simple to make him climax and he’d slipped into a more submissive role in the bedroom with ease. 

The naive boy kissed his manipulative lover, not even realising that the guy was adding up all his calories and hoping that today could be a new record.

Over the next few weeks, Duncan became a sucker for the romance: the hand holding, Nick sitting him on his knee and holding him prtotectively around the waist. The guy’s friends thought that Nick was the sweetest man on Earth; his mother made up that Duncan had found someone so openly affectionate. It all helped to mask the gradual softening that was happening all over Duncan’s body; the glutes swelling just a little more each time Nick ploughed his dick between them.

“You got your protein shake?” Nick asked as the pair of them headed off to the gym, where Duncan would spend the majority of his time spotting Nick on the weights and lifting the bare minimum himself. Yet, he would still flush down Nick’s bespoke shake, filled with creams, oils and powders for a truly staggering daily calorie overdose.

Duncan nodded. He’d never been in such a thrilling relationship as this; never experienced a kinky fuck in the cubicles after a workout at the gym, nor been lavished with such open affection in any of his previous romances. The love, the pampering, the endless sex acting as the perfect smoke screen for what was actually happening beneath the surface. Duncan simply threw the shake into his gym bag and then followed his lover out without a second thought.

Dating Duncan was having its advantages. Having parents who were quietly very comfortable had always given Nick a fair amount of entitlement. However, despite never going without as he was growing up, his parents had given him a large dose of tough love once he left college. The easy line of credit had been cut off and Nick’s parents had decided he needed to make it on his own in order to learn the true value of things. Now their hard approach seemed to be easing, given how pleased they were to see him dating someone they approved of so much. In the last month alone, they had thrown a whole heap of cash at repairs for the sports car they had bought Nick for his twenty-first, as well as transferring plenty of money to pay for a romantic getaway in the mountains. The purse strings were well and truly opened again.

“Do you think I’ve put on weight?” Dunan asked, rubbing his stomach in the mirror one evening as he got up to get a glass of water.

Nick managed to keep a straight face. The answer was more than obvious from the direction he was looking: doughy glutes, swollen thighs and budding love-handles; Duncan was well and truly morphing into a chub. “Of course,” Nick replied. “Your shoulders look much bigger after all those workouts,” he lied.

“No, not that,” Duncan shot back, studying his stomach and pinching a little. “Do you think I’m getting fat?”

Nick got up and slipped off his underwear. He’d been considering how best to answer this question for some time. “Why don’t I take a look?” he smiled teasingly, letting his hardness press between Duncan’s butt cheeks; its second home. “Mmm, yes!” he moaned. “There’s definitely an improvement back here,” he whispered.

“An improvement?” Duncan asked in surprise.

“Of course!” Nick whispered. “You like getting fucked, right?” 

Duncan nodded; his own dick starting to stiffen as his muscular boyfriend started to slap lubricant between his cheeks.

“Well, guys like me always prefer to fuck a guy with a little more meat back here.” He pressed himself inside and moaned with appreciation and he swayed his hips into action. “Mmm, fuck!” he sighed, watching as Duncan’s arousal grew even as he had just admitted to him that he was indeed starting to get chubby.

“You really like it?” Duncan whispered back just as Nick’s lubricated hand slipped onto his dick at the same time. “You’re not just saying that?”

Nick continued thrusting as if his lust prevented him from doing anything else. “You want me to enjoy fucking you, right? Can’t you feel how extra hard my dick is today?” he breathed into Duncan’s ear.

Duncan moaned in arousal.

“I’m going to finish so fast…” Nick added next, holding his boyfriend’s hardness at the same time and sensing that he had absolute control of the situation. “Keep spreading those big, delicious butt cheeks for me!”

Duncan leaned forward and pressed himself into Nick’s groin, submitting himself more than he knew..

“Well, boys… what do you think?” Nick asked after sending Duncan off to buy some cotton candy as the rest of them meandered around the funfair.

Nick’s chubby friends all looked at each other, then back at Duncan’s enlarged rear as he queued up by the stall. “I can’t believe he hasn’t even noticed yet,” Ben replied.

Nick sighed in frustration. These fatties really didn’t understand anything. “Of course he’s noticed, you idiot!” he growled. “You can’t gain thirty-five pounds and not notice! Not when you’re as skinny as Duncan used to be!”

“Thirty-five pounds?” Martin asked. “Is it really that much?”

“Easily,” Nick chuckled. He could estimate a guy’s weight better than anyone else he had ever met. “And not an ounce of it has been muscle!” he smirked. “Just take a look at those love handles if you don’t believe me.”

“How the fuck are you still getting away with this?” Ian asked, bewildered as he saw Duncan scratching his stomach in the queue for cotton candy.

“Easy,” Nick shrugged. “Bombard a simple boy with pure pleasure, then sit back and watch. It’s really not rocket science. All boys are pigs if you know what you’re doing. And, you know me, I’ve never struggled to put weight on anyone before; as I’m sure your blubbery thighs can attest to,” he winked at Martin.

“You’re playing a dangerous game,” Adam jumped in. “How much longer until he works out what you’re really up to and dumps you?”

Nick looked over at Duncan in the queue and waved sweetly. “I’d say I’ve got at least another fifty pounds or so before that happens,” he chuckled to the boys. “The greedy little fucker is hardly the brightest I’ve ever come across.”

Without even realising it, the other guys were a great help to increase Duncan’s calories that day. Collectively, they gorged and snacked the entire time as Nick sat back and watched. It was what he loved best about feeding. It wasn’t just about stuffing someone until they nearly puked; it was about the long term training and habit-forming he had programmed into all of them, ensuring that they ate, almost mindlessly, the entire time.

“I’ve got such a boner after watching you eating that hot dog…” Nick whispered to Duncan later that evening, adjusting his pants. “You were practically deep throating it,” he teased.

Duncan grinned. ”Well, you know how good I am at taking something long and thick into my mouth…” he teased back, thinking he knew the game that his lover was playing. He believed he was being playful and seductive, yet he was so far off the mark, it was laughable.

“Here,” Nick smiled, slipping Duncan a note. “Go get yourself another… I want to watch your mouth work and imagine what you’re going to do to me later,” he lied, patting Duncan on his doughy little rear. “Then, when we get home, I’m going to pull out the whipped cream and make you lick it all off me!”

Duncan raised his eyebrows and smiled with excitement. Then, off he went to do as he was told, nursing his own semi at the same time.

It was only in the pictures from that day that Nick really noticed how well Duncan’s double chin was starting to come in. Duncan had never exactly been on a par with him, looks-wise. But with the arrival of the chin and the bloated middle, at last Nick felt like he was dating a real chub once more, sending his arousal into overdrive. He found more and more cunning ways to ensure Duncan continued to overeat and, as the holidays arrived, Duncan had let himself go even more than Nick had ever expected. Suddenly, all those sweatpants Nick had quietly been adding to Duncan’s wardrobe began paying off; the larger shirts and cute underwear that would have been far too big for the guy back when they first got together.

“I’m thinking of asking Duncan to move in with me,” Nick explained to his parents one evening. This wasn’t the sort of life decision he usually made with his parents, but considering how much they were into this relationship, their support was bound to come with a nice big cheque for something or other.

Nick’s mother breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s wonderful news!” she beamed. “I thought you were going to tell us something else then!” she laughed, looking across at Nick’s dad.

“Like what?” Nick asked, curious.

“I thought you were about to tell us that it was all over between you both!” she chuckled, still looking nothing but relieved. “We noticed that Duncan’s put on a few pounds recently and we thought… Uh oh! Nick’s not going to be happy about that.”

“You thought I would finish with Duncan just because he’s gained a few pounds?” Nick asked, realising just how little his parents actually understood him. How many of his chubby boyfriends had they met in the past? “You really think I’m that shallow?” he asked, pretending to feel hurt. That was, until his parents finally offered to consider buying one of the new condos by the river for Nick and Duncan to live in together; so much more convenient than the poky little apartment Nick was in right now.

The chubs were shocked when Nick told them his plans. Adam, in particular, thought he was taking things too far. Sure, Nick had some fun fattening up his boyfriend when they were dating, but moving in with Duncanwould be entirely different. Now he would be able to manipulate everything that Duncan ate all day and all night long. And, from the horny way that Nick spoke about it, it was clear that he was going to take advantage of every opportunity that came his way.

“You really sneak all this stuff into his food?” Adam asked, gazing at the hidden supplies in the cupboard.

“Pretty much,” Nick nodded, smiling as he looked around his new kitchen. “Have you seen these?” he asked, picking up a pair of Ducan’s freshly washed work pants from the laundry basket. “Thirty eight inch waist already!”

“I’m guessing these are his as well?” Martin asked, picking up a jock strap.

“Absolutely!” Nick laughed. “You should see the way they cut into the little pig’s love handles! It never fails to make me explode!”

“Jeez! Look at all this shit!” Ben cried as he opened the refrigerator.

Nick’s face lit up again and his eyes twinkled with devilment as Ben pulled out one fattening product and ingredient after another. “Fat boy is living the dream, right?” he smiled. “And check out this!” he blasted, opening the freezer drawer and extracting a giant tub of ice cream. “Liquid gold, this stuff!” he joked. “The pig can’t resist it and it puts weight on him like nothing else. You wait until you see him. He’s like you, Adam. A similar sort of shape when you started getting fat; a tight, stout little belly. And his face! Oh my goodness! It’s just suddenly started looking chubby as fuck! Do you remember when it happened to you, Martin? Your face and cheeks seemed to just blow up? In less than a week you looked totally different. It’s exactly the same with Duncan right now.”

The chubs all looked at each other. Nick had been there during each one of their initial forays into gaining, and he was the reason why each of them continued to relish putting on more and more weight, even now.

“So this is where the magic happens?” Ian asked, as he was led into Nick and Duncan’s new bedroom.

Nick shook his head and laughed. “The magic happens wherever I want it to happen,” he boasted. “We may have only been here four weeks, but there’s no room or flat surface I haven’t fucked my little piggy on.”

The chubs all pulled a face, pretending to be repulsed by Nick’s crudeness, despite the arousal that they actually felt. Each one of them had been fucked and fed by him during their time. That was, before Duncan came along.

By the time Duncan arrived home from work, there was a wealth of take out on offer in the lounge, with Nick standing up brightly to greet his lover whilst the four chubby guys were draped over the sofas like bloated seals. After hugging him, Nick stood back and allowed the eyes of the chubs to check Duncan out. He could see their eyes wandering to exactly where he wanted: Duncan’s chubby chin, his pot belly and broader butt. How exciting it was to show him off like this! Nick fussed about him, fetching him a plate and a cool beer whilst he settled down with the other boys.

Grazing was one of Duncan’s weaknesses. A large buffet dinner like this always resulted in him eating more than usual. Even as the pizzas and chicken pieces went cool, the boy was still nibbling away as he chatted. He slipped off his tie and supped on the beer until a little opening formed between the buttons on his shirt, a tight bloat starting to take hold of his portly stomach.

“I’m hoping I can pull a few strings and get Duncan a new job with one of my friends,” Nick commented next, as Duncan began complaining about his boss. “He works so hard and just gets more and more responsibilities piled on top of him without any extra pay. It’s not fair.”

“I’ve got my fingers crossed,” Duncan nodded in agreement. “A new job would be so handy right now. As much as I like being able to walk to work, I think I’m ready for a change.”

The chubs all eyed Nick knowingly. Was this yet another cunning way to ensure that Duncan got the least amount of exercise possible? Back in the early days, Nick had manipulated all their lifestyles in a similar fashion, and their waistlines had rapidly paid the price. It burned the question in all their minds: Just how much further could Nick take this gain?

“You’ve been to the gym already?” Duncan asked a couple of weeks later as he groggily rubbed his eyes one Saturday morning.

“Of course I have,” Nick smiled, pumping his bicep. “It was chest day. You know that’s my favorite!” he winked, ripping off his compression shirt and throwing his muscular body down onto the bed with his now easily 240lb boyfriend. He kissed him keenly until he could feel Duncan really getting into it. That was the moment he pulled out. “I’m going to make you some breakfast,” he teased,” reaching his hand onto the boy’s wider rear, “then I’m going to fuck you silly…” he growled.

“Does it have to be in that specific order?” Duncan smiled back, throwing his leg over and spreading his naked butt so temptingly, as if he didn’t understand how, these days, his oversized, wobbly glutes would have put most guys off. Duncan was not the cute little thing he used to be.

Nick growled in lust, sliding his hand onto the boy’s butt and slapped it playfully, watching the fresh blubber ripple. “Breakfast first,” he smiled, resisting temptation, jumping back up energetically to start frying things up for his underexercised lover.

A few weeks later, Nick’s buddy, Martin, had met him in town for lunch. Ever since the pair had dated in high school, the guy had slowly been swelling up fatter and fatter. After understanding their shared attraction to weight gain, Nick had been the one to draw it out of him, with those initial sixty pounds being down to his own hard work and dedication to the cause. It was where Nick had learned his craft as a feeder; utilising the knowledge he had acwuired with the many, many gainers he had fattened up since.

Despite Martin’s athletic beginnings on the football team, there was not a trace of it left any longer. The guy was surprisingly pear shaped and soft all over; with every part of him coated in blubber. Martin had hit three hundred and fifty pounds last year and was still continuing to balloon up with the help of several other feeders Nick had sent his way. As usual, he was wearing clothes that appeared far too tight; his drooping stomach starting to show itself underneath his too-short t-shirt. Nick enjoyed standing back and watching the looks his friend got as they walked around together; his very favourite hobby.

“You know, I almost forgot how much I LOVE a giant fat ass on a guy,” Nick rambled as the pair of them walked to a free bench at the park. “Duncan had almost no ass at all when I asked him out. Then it started getting nice and peachy, and I thought I was so turned on by it; like my dick was never going to be flaccid ever again! But now…” he swooned, turned on just to be saying these things aloud. “...Now it’s properly FAT! Like two doughy mounds of lard! You should see the way it jiggles and moves; how wide it’s getting and how it’s spreading out! Fuck, man!”

“Hence the doughnuts,” Martin chuckled, motioning to the little bag of premium treats Nick had just picked up to take home with him later. “You do realise there are a lot more calories in the regular ones Duncan eats?” he reminded his friend.

Nick shrugged. “Duncan tends to prefer these ones. I know they’re a lot more expensive, but my little fat ass is definitely worth it,” he laughed.

“So it’s finally happened then!” Martin smirked, breathing a sigh of relief as they made it to the bench. “I never got expensive treats like those when we dated. You’re so fucked now, you know that, right?”

Nick turned in surprise. “Fucked?” he asked, furrowing his eyebrows. “Because I spent extra money on donuts?”

“I’ve seen this coming for months. The way you are around Duncan; finishing his sentences and fussing after him. You’ve properly fallen in love, haven’t you? Nick Bowlins: the feeder with a heart of stone, has actually fallen for one of his fatties!”

Nick shook his head. “No. It’s not like that at all!” he shot back, surprisingly offended by the idea. “I know this isn’t a long-term thing. I’ve been secretly fattening him for months waiting until he finally realises and dumps me. I headed into this with realistic expectations.”

“And that’s what makes this all the more tragic,” Martin laughed. “You’ve schemed yourself into a corner. You even pulled all those strings to make sure your friend got him that new job. You’ve played your games and ensured he piles on the weight, but you know he’ll never forgive you once he figures it all out. And when that happens, he’s going to break your little heart.”

“I’m not discussing this,” Nick stated, standing up and checking his watch for the time.

“Ouch! I’ve touched a nerve!” Martin sang with delight. “This is pure karma you realise? Secretly fatten up your boyfriend’s ass and you’re going to end up getting bitten on yours!”

Nick rolled his eyes and started walking off. He hated how jealous Martin was these days, now that they didn’t casually fuck like they used to. Although Nick hadn’t entered into a relationship with Duncan with the intention of staying monogamous, that was exactly what had happened. He just hadn’t wanted to be with anyone else. So, how would he feel when all this was over? Because Martin was right about one thing: this whole relationship was definitely heading for an inevitable conclusion. Maybe Nick would be the one who came off worse.

“You know I love you, right?” Nick asked, cuddling Duncan extra tight as he spooned him in bed the next morning.

Duncan chuckled softly and rubbed Nick’s strong arms that held him so firmly. “I know,” he replied, smiling happily. “I love you too.”

Despite the raging hard-on Nick had, pressed up against Duncan’s soft glutes, he tried his best to resist heading straight to sex and just enjoyed the moment. Who knew how many more mornings like this they had together?

“I’m heading for a shower if you want to join?” Duncan asked, slipping out from under the covers and standing there naked. His blubbery body was so intoxicating. Nick hadn’t been able to resist spoiling him with take-out last night and, as a result, the guy’s nipples finally looked like they were ready to start the eventual droop onto that rounded little gut that was swelling out of him. Was the guy really so oblivious that he didn’t realise how overweight he was getting? Did he really not know that, to the average person, his lardy physique was never going to entice anyone the way he was now trying to entice Nick to follow him into the shower. Bounce, bounce, bounce went those overfilled glutes as he strutted out, confident that Nick would follow; the jiggle of fat in his love handles surprisingly out of sync with the rest of his body. But Nick was so hard; his devious brain having already concocted several ways he could ensure Duncan was gorged on calories all day long. He simply wouldn’t be able to stop himself, even if he tried.

“Wait for me!” he called out, throwing the covers off and following the little piglet into the bathroom.

Many of the strategies Nick had employed to increase Duncan’s weight in the early days were now thoroughly ingrained and trained into him. Nick sat back and watched the naive boy guzzle down his breakfast and then mindlessly wander around the kitchen cupboards for snacks. The boy’s life had been so ridiculously food focused for months now, he initiated his own conversations about where they should go for lunch and talked excitedly about the little bakeries and food places they could stop at along the way. Nick almost wished that he would stop; his dick swelling with blood each and every time Duncan’s well developed greed reared its ugly head in their conversations.

“You’re starting to look like your father!” Duncan’s mother grumbled as they called in one afternoon; her son’s stomach surprisingly rounded and bloated after the sushi lunch he had insisted upon.

Right before Duncan’s dad had taken up with another woman and moved to New York about seven years ago, an eighteen year old Nick had developed the biggest crush on him: the fattest man in their neighborhood. Since then, Duncan’s mother had bitterly sworn off men and neither she, nor Duncan, had had any contact with him since. But the comparison with Duncan’s father now made Nick’s heart race as he took in just how justified it was. Ducan did indeed carry all the weight in the same way; his stomach and butt pushing outwards in completely the opposite directions. 

Duncan rolled his eyes, shielded from all the criticism by the many false and exaggerated compliments Nick had filled his head with for almost eighteen months now. “Did you notice that tiny little portion mom gave me?” he complained as they both got back into the car after staying for dinner. “I think she’s trying to put me on a diet herself!”

The pair of them laughed and waved as they pulled out of the driveway.

“You don’t think I’ve gotten too fat do you?” Duncan asked, clearly second guessing himself after the visit.

“I think you’re gorgeous,” Nick growled, swerving the question and pulling Duncan’s hand onto his erection, as if providing evidence to that effect. He’d planned for them both to stop at his own folks’ place before heading home, but his arousal had got the better of him. He felt an ache in his balls and needed to get his fat boy back as soon as possible.

“Can we order Mexican tonight?” Duncan asked; his greedy mind still hijacked by thoughts of food.

“We’ll get you whatever you want,” Nick smiled back, taking one hand from the wheel to rub his lover’s chubby thigh. Oh, how he loved this boy!

Over the following months, Nick’s usual compliments started sounding more and more ironic. He still lamented about Duncan’s butt, calling it ‘cute’ and ‘pert’ like he always had, despite the monstrous width and shape it had developed. He referred to Duncan as his ‘pretty boy’ even though the chubby cheeks had enveloped many of his old facial features and the double chin had robbed him of a jawline for quite some time. Time and time again, he made note of Duncan’s strength and manly physique, even as the pounds and pounds of blubber encased his upper arms and surged into his nipples, making them bounce as he walked. It was almost amusing that Duncan still believed each and every one of them. Then again, was it a lie when Nick really meant what he said? Big and bloated as it was, Duncan’s butt was still the cutest thing Nick had ever seen. Sure, the boy’s face was round and plump, but did that mean he wasn’t pretty anymore? Definitely not!

“I can’t believe you’re still getting away with this shit!” laughed Adam as they all met up for a meal at a fancy buffet restaurant closer to the holidays. Duncan’s gut had swollen significantly since many of the boys had seen him last summer; all of them gazing at the boy from the table as he greedily trotted around the dishes on offer. “I have to hand it to you. I never thought you would get this far with him.”

Nick nodded and smiled, but didn’t feel the need to comment.

“What is he now?” Ben asked, inspecting Duncan’s broad rear as he turned around. “Two-eighty?”

“No way! That’s a three hundred pounder if ever I’ve seen one!” Ian jumped in, laughing when Duncan’s shirt came untucked as he hungrily reached over to pick up some garlic bread.

Nick nodded once again, silently wishing for Duncan to hurry back to the table and end this speculation. All it would take would be for one of them to say something too loudly and Duncan would overhear. Then the entire house of cards would come crashing down.

The chubs all seemed to notice Nick’s silence and they looked at each other in confusion. Where had that wicked, boastful feeder they all knew so well gone?

“Leave him be, boys,” Martin whispered to the others. He probably knew, just as well as the rest did, that this was likely Nick and Duncan’s last holiday season together. 

The chair squeaked as Duncan sat himself down again. His plate was piled high; the food glistening with grease and butter. He reached for his knife and fork. Since when had his hands become so chubby and full; his fingers swelling like short little sausages.

“Nick wants to take me away on a cruise next year,” Duncan told the boys later on as the conversation progressed. “Somewhere warm so that we can just lie by the pool and enjoy some drinks in the sun.” “How lovely!” Adam grinned. “All those fantastic restaurants to visit throughout the day; all that delicious food…” he smirked, looking over in Nick’s direction. “What a thoughtful boyfriend you have!”

Nick felt more uncomfortable than ever, wriggling in his seat. In truth, he’d drifted away from the boys for just this reason, knowing that these subtle little comments about his feeder intentions were one day going to land in Duncan’s mind. Then, everything would unravel. “I just thought it would be nice,” he replied softly, rubbing his lover’s bulging thigh under the table.

“That’s what everyone always says about you,” Ben agreed sarcastically. “Nick Bowlins: a real ‘nice’ guy!” he winked.

Nick swallowed hard and forcefully steered the conversation in an entirely new direction. He felt so grateful as the evening ended and it was just him and Duncan back in the car, heading back home.

“I think I’ve still got some of that nice ice cream left in the freezer,” Duncan pondered, despite how much he had consumed that evening. “I’ll have it when I get home.”

Once again, Nick’s erection sprang to life, despite the guilt he felt. For the first time, he wished that his brain wasn’t wired the way it was. Why did he have to get off on how greedy and well trained his boyfriend had become to eat everything he provided? Why couldn’t he just be normal, like everyone else? Why did this secret have to loom over them like a dark, angry cloud?

The rain was falling hard as they made it back to the apartment block that evening, both of them running from the parking lot to the front entrance. A large man stood outside, looking drenched and miserable as he tried in vain to get a response on the intercom to one of the apartments upstairs.

“Can I help you?” Nick asked, letting the man come into the main hallway and out of the downpour.

The man lowered his hood and breathed out, rubbing his fat face and beard,soaked from the rain. Nick recognised him immediately and he could tell from the way that Duncan took a step back that he had just had the shock of his life. There, standing before them both was Duncan’s long estranged father.

“Your aunt said it was a nice apartment you have,” the big man beamed as he followed them both upstairs a few minutes later. “I have to say, she was absolutely right! This was all just wasteland when I was last in town.”

Nicked fetched the man a towel and took his jacket off. Although it had been many years since he had seen Duncan’s father, Eddie, he was surprised at how impressively large the man had become in that time, easily close to being five hundred pounds, if not more.

“What do you want?” Duncan asked, sitting himself down on the couch. “Why show up here after all this time? Is Michelle not with you?”

“Michelle’s at home in New York,” Eddie replied, referring to the woman he had left Duncan’s mother to be with. “I always miss you more around the holidays. Now you’ve moved out of your mom’s place, I thought maybe I could finally summon up the courage to come and see you.” The man looked over at his son and smiled. It had been years since he had seen him. Duncan had been nothing more than a scrawny teenager the last time they had been in the same room together. “You look well,” he nodded. “I always thought you’d end up looking more like me than your mother,” he smiled, patting his own large belly.

An awkward silence fell upon the room. After over seven years of estrangement, was Duncan’s dad really calling him fat within the first five minutes? Tact was clearly not his specialty.

“Your aunt tells me you two have been together for over two years now?” he asked next. “You must be very happy.”

Again, the silence was deafening. Nick began to feel sorry for the man as Duncan’s hostility endured.

“Why did you have to move to New York?” Duncan finally asked; blocking whatever path his father was trying to steer the conversation.

Eddie nodded his head, accepting that the question was a good one. “Because I fell in love,” he answered. “Michelle and I… we’re just made for each other. Sure, it’s not a conventional pairing… A bit like you two,” he pointed at them both, appearing to be gesturing towards their two contrasting bodies. “But we’re very happy together.”

The cogs in Nick’s brain began to turn. 

“Your mom was always getting at me for my weight,” Eddie went on. “We were never happy. That was all just an act for your sake. But I think you knew that, didn’t you?” he smiled sweetly at Duncan. “I tried to explain to your mom that this is who I am,” he nodded, grabbing a handful of the fat that encircled his waist. “But she wouldn’t have it. She made my life hell. Then I met Michelle online and… well, as you know. Everything changed.”

Nick had a thousand questions burning in his head. He fought back the urge to jump in and ask them all at once, merely rubbing Duncan’s back supportively from behind the couch.

“Your mom threatened to tell you everything unless I stayed away. She’d hired a private investigator and had endless messages, pictures and transcripts between me and Michelle. I didn’t want you to see any of that. Your mom made it clear that she thought the things Michelle and I were into were just perverted. She didn’t understand the eating and the weight gain and how intrinsic it all is to my happiness.”

Nick tried not to react. Was Duncan’s father really coming out as a… a gainer?

“I thought, maybe now that you’re in your own similar relationship, that you might understand,” Eddie finished, looking at them both.

Nick’s eyes bulged and he stood up straighter; his heart pounding. He’d imagined many scenarios where he would be outed as a feeder, but being called out by Duncan’s absentee father had not been one of them. “I’m not sure I know what you mean,” he mumbled shakily.

Eddie chuckled. “Oh, come on… it’s obvious!” he motioned again at their extreme size difference. “Duncan’s aunt told me all about you two. You’re the one who fattened up Pete and Shirley’s boy, Martin, back when you were in high school together,” Eddie stated directly to Nick. “I heard he’s a real porker these days! ‘As fat as butter’ my sister said!”

Duncan turned his head to look at Nick, standing behind him, his eyebrows lowered in confusion. Nick was utterly speechless.

“Now, I’m not sure there are many fathers who would approve of their son dating a feeder,” Eddie nodded. “But, in this case, I’ve got to say… I know you two will be really happy together.”

Duncan and Nick both looked across at Eddie. The man was still blissfully unaware of the wrecking ball he had just taken to their relationship.

“I’m staying at the Palace Hotel,” Eddie stated as he grunted and got up from his seat. “Perhaps we could all meet up for some lunch tomorrow?”

Again, silence was the only response. He pulled out a contact card and dropped it on the coffee table.

“It really is good to see you again,” he smiled at Duncan as Nick followed him to the door and closed it behind him.

“Duncan…” Nick began, the moment they were alone again. “That was… I’m not sure your dad has all the facts about… I’m not really…” he mumbled, starting and restarting his sentences again and again. “Are you alright?” he finally offered sweetly.

Duncan inhaled and seemed to pull himself out of his stunned silence. “Well, I guess everything makes a lot more sense now,” he nodded pragmatically. “With dad… With you.”

Nick’s heart was racing. He thought of several things he could say in response, all of them lies and excuses. No. The game was up.

“So I guess that’s the reason why I’m like this,” Duncan sighed, raising his arms up to his chest and looking down at his fattened body, as if for the first time. “I just thought I was going mad. Two hundred and ninety six pounds. That’s what I was when I weighed myself the other day. Can you believe that?”

“I never meant for things to go this far,” Nick replied honestly.

“Nor did I,” Duncan agreed, rubbing his stout belly sadly.

“You don’t have to be this way,” Nick shot back. “We can put you on a diet. I’d love you however you looked. Just give me a chance and let me prove it!”

“I think it’s too late for that, don’t you?” Duncan grumbled, still holding his enlarged stomach. “My dad’s right. I’ve always been more like him than my mom.”

“How do you mean?” Nick asked, wondering just how long it would be until Duncan kicked him out. Where the hell was he going to sleep tonight?

“I love food. I love eating. I love this…” he emphasised, leaning a little forwards and grabbing his gut with both hands, shaking it. “I just didn’t understand why.”

Nick’s heart skipped a beat. “You seriously don’t mind?” he asked in astonishment.

“I thought you were so sweet for not nagging me about my weight when I first started getting chubby. But I guess I understand now. It all makes sense.”

Nick cringed. He felt that things still rested on a knife edge. He didn’t want to open his mouth and say the wrong thing; simultaneously destroying everything. 

“So, this is your thing, huh?” Duncan asked, lifting his shirt and patting the large belly he had developed over the last two years. “I suppose I always was a prime target for a feeder, knowing how large my dad is. I guess weight gain is just in the genes. You must have known that.”

“That wasn’t why I started dating you,” Nick replied quickly. “And your weight isn’t the reason why I fell in love with you either.”

“Well, you’re a better man than me then,” Duncan chuckled. “Because the way you used to cook and overfeed me definitely played a part in the reason why I fell for you so badly!”

The pair looked at each other with very small smiles threatening to invade from the furthest corners of their mouths.

“I guess we’re both just a couple of freaks,” Duncan finally laughed. He patted the space next to him on the couch and Nick finally came to sit next to him. The most honest conversation of their lives was about to begin.

“Surprise!” shouted the crowds of people as Duncan and Nick walked into the restaurant a few months later. Everyone was there: the chubs, the two families, Duncan’s father and Michelle; all stood underneath a banner congratulating them on their engagement. The pair of them laughed, pretending that they hadn’t already worked out what was happening, strolling in to greet them all.

“So you’re finally going to make an honest fatty out of this one?” Martin joked quietly as he came up to the pair of them later that evening.

Nick nodded, his hand resting sweetly on Duncan’s large butt as the boy stood, eating his third plateful from the buffet. He rubbed and patted gently, knowing that Duncan always ate better when his size was being admired. The boy had been fattening faster than ever since the pair of them had been open and honest about things. With such an enormous double chin, Duncan even looked larger than Martin himself.

“How was the cruise?” Martin askes next, not having seen the pair of them since they made it home, freshly engaged last weekend.

Duncan and Nick giggled to each other, remembering all the kinky things they had got up to together. “It was very good, thanks,” Nick finally replied, rubbing Duncan’s giant stomach as if to show that the pair of them had stuffed Duncan’s gut for the entire two weeks. They’d even had to buy a new shirt especially for the party that evening.

“Yeah, it was great,” Duncan mumbled through a mouthful of food. “Now we’re just looking forward to the wedding.”

A surge of excitement spread through Nick as he thought about the wedding. His large hand couldn’t resist squeezing Duncan’s blubbery glute as he pictured how much fatter his fiance would be by then.

“Well, it’s unconventional, but it clearly works for you two,” Martin smiled, looking on at his very good friends who clearly only had eyes for each other. Sure, the world had lost one of its most devilish and enterprising feeders, but look at how happy he was with his fat boy. Look at how happy they both were! 

The whispers behind their backs could continue, the justified comparisons between Nick and Eddie’s feeder wife could go on and on. Duncan’s mother could regret the day she’d ever agreed to let her friend coax her into setting up Duncan with her son. But none of them could deny that this was something very special indeed. The glasses were raised, the toasts were made and the sentiment was real. A long and happy marriage was wished upon them both. Nick and Duncan, forever more.

[jaylver]

PINKY RING — S.JY

synopsis: setting up a deal with a frat boy you've just met at a party turned out to be a stupidly cute idea. who knew his drake reference and the deal involving his pinky ring would soon score him a date with you.

pairings: frat boy!jake x afab!reader

genre: strangers to lovers, frat boy + football player jake, college au, romance, fluff

warning(s): profanities, party, alcohol

wc: 2.9k

a/n: a very late contribution to jakeday! this was much longer than planned so i hope you all enjoy it! apologies in advance if the writing sucks since i've been tired all week T-T please leave a feedback and reblogs are greatly appreciated! muah xx

masterlist | © jaylver all rights reserved.

Wandering into a frat party alone was quite literally the least sane thing you've done in a while.

Your best friend, Yunjin, had called you up to meet her at a frat party at the most random hour of the night. The temptation got to you for the worst as you caved in and placed aside your studies in order to get some free booze, even if they're low budget ones.

That only explained why you were there then. Looking between your phone and the sight before you as you walked, trying to get a hold of your friend. She was probably somewhere wasted and you wouldn't be surprised if it was true. 

Once you sent her a text announcing your arrival and hoping for a text back, you slipped your phone away and wandered into the kitchen area, further from the crowded area filled with people dancing quite scandalously.

Whatever dodgy concoction they had prepared there, you took some and sniffed it before taking a sip, shrugging in half approval. You'd take what you have. Soon, you settled yourself in by leaning against the counter, pulling out your phone as it had started buzzing.

You were distracted by the chiming of your phone, realising Yunjin texted back and you immediately replied back. She was, in fact, somewhere in the house, except she was with a guy. Wait, a frat boy, Jay Park? Oh, you've heard of him. 

You didn't want to say much and just texted her back to call you when it's time to leave, or if she's even leaving at all. Meanwhile, you were unaware of the additional presence who had wandered into the kitchen as you typed out your last text.

“Oh—hey,” 

You glanced up from your phone the moment you pressed 'send', staring back at a guy that you swore you've seen somewhere before, he was too familiar. He wasn't just a guy though, he was a hot one. Backwards cap on, dressed in a casual black hoodie and ripped jeans, dyed blond hair peeking out from his cap. 

That was a sight to see. 

“Hey,” you could tell he wasn't expecting your presence in the kitchen just the same as you were.

The corner of his lips twitched, head tilted to one side. “New around here? I think this is the first time I've seen you at our party,”

Our? Was he a part of the frat?

“I don't usually wander into frat parties,” you shrugged, and he nodded, smiling. 

“I'm Jake, by the way. Jake Sim. I'm a part of the frat, we usually have these types of parties on the weekend,” he extended his hand out for a handshake, to which you accepted, staring a little too longingly at his pretty hands and fingers. Don’t be a creep. 

“Am I missing out? I'm Y/N L/N,”

“Well, Y/N, maybe you are,” an apparent accent flowed from his voice, and the way he said your name shouldn't have made you scream inside. “You should come by more often, I'd love to see more of you here,”

“We'll see. I wasn't even meant to be here, but my friend called and I thought ‘why not’ so here I am,”

“It's fated, then. We're meant to meet,” he clapped, lips stretched into a cheery smile that had you swooning.

“I suppose it is,” you let him join your side in leaning against the counter, feeling the fabric of his hoodie brushing against your bare skin. “You know, you look very familiar to me, I think I've seen you before,”

“Yeah?” His tongue swept across his bottom lip, eyebrow quirking with interest.

“Football team. It's you, isn't it? The striker,”

“How did you know?” He seemed genuinely surprised, and you were in disbelief as well. He was much different compared to what you remembered.

“My friend's on the team too, Kim Sunoo,”

“Him!"

“Yes, him! I went to one of the matches and you scored in it, it was a great match," you could still recall the faint memory of Jake scoring, his name blasting from the speakers, back when his hair was coloured black.

“Wow,” Jake stared in amazement, his smile never wavered, only widening. “We're much connected than I thought,”

“We are,” you couldn't help smiling as well, finding his energy contagious and severely intoxicating. You had to turn around and take a sip of your drink as a way to not become flustered around him, but only to notice the rings resting on his fingers.

“Nice rings,” you complimented, and it seemed to be his turn to become flustered. Immediately bringing his hands up for you to look closer and showcasing his rings.

“Thanks,” he said, sounding pleased.

“You have a pinky ring too?” You pointed at his pinky, noticing the silver ring gleaming under the light.

“Pinky ring till I get a wedding ring,”

It didn't hit you until a beat later. He was quoting Drake. 

“Drake? Seriously?” A teasing grin travelled to your lips, nudging him slightly ever so naturally. He didn't complain, just reciprocated your smile, seemingly glad that you caught onto his reference.

“Hey, I'm a big fan. Sue me,”

“No judgement, I like Drake too,” you spoke your half truth, shrugging lightly.

Jake turned to look at you, a light sparkling in his eyes, telling you he had something in mind. “Hey, why don't I give you my pinky ring, and the next time we meet, you give it back to me?”

“What?”

“Let fate decide our next meeting. If we bump into each other again, you hand me back my ring, and I'll get your number. Deal?”

“Sounds good,” why were you doing this?

Even as your consciousness was telling you what stupid idea this was, you couldn’t help but feel confident. There was definitely a next time. You were sure of it. Even after Jake slipped his ring onto your pinky, feeling his skin graze against yours, you were confident that fate would bring you to him, or even him to you.

You bid him a small goodbye, watching his bright energy disappear through the door and be left with yourself, wanting him to come back. Did Yunjin and you somehow suddenly share the same taste in men? Frat boys?

Soon, you abandoned your drink and walked out of the kitchen into the party scene. To your relief, you spotted Yunjin waving at you, a tall boy with silver hair standing right beside her. That was probably Jay.

“Oh my God, I thought I lost you,” she engulfed you into one of her warm hugs while you didn't miss the lovesick smile she always had whenever she was around a crush.

“I would say the same for you,” you nudged her slightly, eyeing her romeo of the night.

“Oh—Jay, this is my best friend, Y/N. Y/N, this is Jay,” Yunjin introduced, and Jay gave you a friendly hug as a greeting. Off the bat, you could tell he was a decent guy despite being in a frat.

“You're not joining your friends for beer pong?” Yunjin pointed out to Jay and you took notice of said beer pong going on across the room. 

There he was. Jake. Standing out amongst the bunch of guys that were most likely his friends, catching your attention in an instant. His baseball cap was no longer worn backwards, sleeves rolled up and showcasing the protruding veins decorating the expanse of his arm. He was holding onto a ping pong ball, aiming at one of the red shot cups and eventually shot it in successfully, letting out a loud laugh while throwing his arms up into a flexing pose and hitting his chest.

What a frat boy. But you think he's a cute frat boy. He was an exception.

“Should we leave soon?” Yunjin had to poke your shoulder to gain your attention back to her. At that realisation, you visibly flushed a tinge of pink, coughing and nodding rather stiffly. You could tell your best friend was suspicious of you, but didn’t press on and told you Jay was dropping you two off.

What you didn’t catch onto as you left the room was Jake’s lingering gaze on you. 

He was going to get his ring back. He was confident about it.

“You’re telling me you’re missing Jay’s friend?”

“I am doing exactly that,”

He wasn’t just Jay’s friend, he was also his frat brother. Yet, Jay was oblivious you two knew each other, or at least that’s what you think in your perspective. 

Telling Yunjin about your happenings from that party was both a good and bad decision. The good part was that she was happy for you. The bad part was realising how predictable you were. In her words, she knew you would fall for Jake especially since you had a weak spot for men with cute smiles. Dammit.

It has been a week since that night at the frat house. To be honest, you could be crazy and just go back to find Jake, but were you going to chase a man like that? No, wake up! But, you were also shamelessly missing him and mulling over the fact that the ring was still on your pinky. 

“This is so stupid, why is he waiting on fate to act?”

“I think it’s cute,”

“You’re hopeless,” Yunjin rolled her eyes, but you just laughed, because you, too, knew it was dumb. A stupid game that tortured you but you enjoyed the anticipation as well. “Anyway, Jay’s going to a football match later in the evening, apparently the team is playing. Before you say no, consider this, he’s paying for dinner after,”

“I like him,” you gave her your seal of approval, and from the looks of her giddy smile, she was satisfied. 

Yunjin was more than happy when she led you through the stands, locating where Jay was sitting. You threw a knowing glance at her, to which she noticed and only rolled her eyes. He greeted you with a friendly smile, saving an even brighter smile for your best friend. It was sickening, but in an affectionate way. 

Realising how you were third wheeling, you took the queue and left, wandering down the stands to get a closer look at the field. You figured that'd be a better idea now that you realised the team was warming up there.

“Y/N!” you were barely halfway down the stairs when you heard your name being called, a familiar face running towards you. 

“Jake!” You jogged a little, reaching the barrier that separated the stands and the field, essentially separating you and Jake as well.

“You're here! At a football game,” he breathed out in a daze, as if he couldn't believe you were standing in front of him.

“Jay brought me and Yunjin here,” you slyly pointed at the duo that sat further up the stands, meeting Jake's playful smirk. You two had the same thought in mind. “Oh right—pinky ring,”

You raised up your right hand, his ring still wrapped around your pinky. At that, Jake's eyes only lit up, flickering between your face and the ring, his smile growing wider.

“You wear it everywhere?”

A rush of heat spread across your cheeks, you found yourself shying away from his gaze. “I didn't know where I'd find you,”

“Guess you finally found me, and I found you too,”

“I'm glad,” you fidgeted the ring mindlessly, looking between it and Jake before you realised the deal. "Should I hand it back to you first?”

“No—wait—maybe after the game?” His indecisiveness was killing him, and having you standing in front of him, it made him extra jittery, he was grateful the barriers were there. “I have a feeling you wearing it will somehow pass on good luck to me,”

Your eyebrows furrowed, a smile pulling at your lips. “Don't know how that works, but I'll do whatever you say,”

“It's true! It's called intuition. I'll win the game and score a goal,” he said ever so confidently, a grin that was challenging your doubts. 

“I believe you,” you said in between giggles, unaware of Jake's smile growing wider as he watched you laugh. “Go and win this one like you always do,”

“I will! Meet me after the game! Get your number and the ring ready,” he casted a wink at you, waving a small momentary goodbye before joining his team back in warming up. 

You eventually joined the two lovebirds and waited for the game to start, a certain feeling of giddiness bubbling in your abdomen. When it was finally time, you watched intently as the referee blew the whistle and the home team began the game. The number five on his back was easy to detect, your eyes followed it the whole time as he ran past defenders and scored a goal.

You and your friends jumped out of your seats in excitement. Yelling and cheering the moment you heard his name being blasted from the speakers. He did prove you right, he scored a goal. The next thing you knew before you could even process it was him pointing up at you. It was clearly directly at you, no mistake at all. As cliche it could get, he sent you a flying kiss, and you only matched his energy, catching it and laughing like some school girl.

He was soon tackled by his teammates and whisked away to resume the game. You were left in the stands smiling like a fool, unable to hide your happiness and blushing cheeks even though people around you had witnessed it whole, including your own friends. But who cares, right?

The game ended with the home team winning and obviously, everyone was in great spirits after. You told Yunjin that you’re finding Jake first, and as she left with Jay, you swore you heard him asking ‘since when did they know each other?’ 

Heading down the stands, you spotted Jake immediately. The team was still lingering around the field, but the second Jake’s eyes landed on you, he excused himself and ran towards you. The widest smile was present on his face, he was shining brightly under the dark skies. 

“Hey!” he pulled you in a hug, reaching over the barrier for you. He was sweaty, but you didn’t mind it. It was his presence and tight hold that you focused on.

“Congrats on the win! You did great,” you said as you pulled away, reciprocating his smile. 

“Thank you. It’s nothing,”

“Okay, you scoring a goal is not ‘nothing’,”  

“But I was right, wasn’t I?”

You rolled your eyes at him, hating that he wasn’t entirely wrong. “Whatever,” you said dismissively, earning a light laugh from him. You took the chance to slip the ring off your pinky, taking his hand in yours, instantly surprising him since it was a totally unexpected move. “Your pinky ring, as promised,”

“Oh, almost forgot,” he let you slip the ring back to the original spot, feeling your touch on his skin and reeling from your close proximity. 

“As for my number … I’ll give it to you once you’re done, I don’t have anything to write on,” you waved your phone in hand, casting him an apologetic smile.

“It’s totally fine. Will you be willing to wait?”

“I’m alright with it. I thought you’re joining us for dinner?”

“Right, Jay told me,” he snapped his fingers, recalling his friend’s text message. How could he have forgotten? He almost asked you out for dinner later as a date. 

“He’s paying,”

“Sweet,” he basically hollered, punching the air stiffly and you laughed at his demeanour. He’s so weird, but in a cute way.

Jake was biting on his lips once a short silence settled between you two. You could tell he was pondering and thinking about his next words. That sweet smile returned back to his lips. “Can I take you out for dinner soon?”

How could you say no?

“I’m down. Definitely yes,”

Jake almost looked relieved, but there was also a sparkle that you saw in his eyes that shined brightly once you’ve given him your answer. You could feel your own heart swelling at the sight of him. His gaze held everything he needed to say. He stared at you with a kind of longing and pining that you couldn’t pinpoint. 

“Great, fantastic,” Jake whispered under his breath, seemingly in disbelief and his dazed look only made you giggle. “I’ll catch up with you after I shower, give me some time and wait for me!”

“I will! The three of us will wait for you so go wash up,”

“Alright, alright,” he threw his hands up in surrender, hesitant to walk away as he wished to talk to you more, but he stank and was covered with sweat, so he didn’t have much choice. 

“Wait for me!” he said, slowly inching away with the silliest grin, eyes crinkling at the edges. 

You responded by gesturing your thumbs up, watching as he turned his back on you, but not even a second later he turned his head back, a small smile still remained. He then started jogging towards the benches, and you definitely didn’t miss his excited jump. 

How were you supposed to survive that dinner date with an endearing, sweet and cute guy like him? 

The truth was, you weren’t.

( © jaylver all rights reserved. do NOT copy, plagiarise or edit my work and repost whatsoever. once discovered will be exposed and blacklisted. )

☆ permanent taglist (open):

@silentkarnival @strvlveera @freshsaladbowl @bejewelledgirl @fakeuwus @yenqa @hsgwrld @ilovegyuvin @enhacatalog @aishigrey @shinrjj @kgneptun

[dailyadventureprompts]

Do the ethnostates inherent in major fantasy ever feel real weird to you? You’ve got elftopia (full of elves, where everyone speaks elf and worships the elf gods), orc-hold (full of orcs and maybe their slaves, where everyone speaks orc and worships the orc gods), and dwarfton (made by the dwarves! for the dwarves!).

You might have some cosmopolitan areas, usually human-dominant, but those are usually rare enough in-setting that they need to be pointed out separately. Is this just based on a misunderstanding of the medieval era, and the assumption that countries were all racially homogenous?

This has been bouncing around my brain the last little while. Do you have any thoughts on that? Is it just in my head?

I think what you've noticed is a quirk of derivative fantasy writing, which like a lot of hangups with the genre originates in people trying to crib Tolkien's work without really understanding what he was going for:

Though it contains a lot of detail, Tolkien's world is not grounded. It functions according a narrative logic that changes depending on what work in particular you're focusing on at the time (The Hobbit is a fairytale full of tricks and riddles, Lord of the Rings is a heroic epic, The Silmirilion is a legendary history).

One of the reasons the races are separate is to instill the feeling of wonder in the hobbits as POV characters for the reader, other folk live in far off places and are supposed to feel more legendary than our comparatively mundane friends from the shire. The Movies captured this well where going east in middle earth was like going back in time to a more and more mythologized past.

In real life, people don't stay static for thousands of years, no matter how long their people live. They meet, mingle, war and trade. Empires rise and fall creating shrapnel as they go, cultures adapt to a changing environment. This means that any geographic cross section you make is going to be a collage of different influences where uniformity is a glaring aberration.

What the bad Tolkien knockoffs did was take his image of a mythical world and tried to make it run in a realistic setting. Tolkien can say the subterranean dwarven kingdom of Erebor lasted for a thousand years without having to worry about birthrates or demographic shifts or the logistics of farming in a cave because he's writing the sort of story where those things don't matter. D&D and other properties like it however INSIST that their worlds are grounded and realistic but have to bend over backwards to keep things static and hegemonic.

Likewise contributing to the "ethnostate" feeling is early d&d (backbone of the fantasy genre that it is) being created by a bunch of White Midwestern Americans who were not only coming from a background of fantasy wargaming but were working during the depths of the coldwar. Hard borders and incompatible ideologies, cultural hegemony and intellectual isolation, a conception of the world that focused around antagonism between US and THEM. These were people born in the era of segregation for whom the idea of cultural and racial osmosis was alien, to the point where mingling between different fantasy races produced the "mongrelman" monster, natural pickpockets who combined the worst aspects of all their component parts, unwelcome in good society who were most often found as slaves.

This inability to appreciate cultural exchange is likewise why the central d&d pantheon has a ton of human gods with specific carveouts for other races (eventually supplemented with a bunch of race specific minor gods who are various riffs on the same thing). Rather than being universal ideals, the gods were seen as entities just as tribalistic as their followers.

[inkyquillstories]

DreamGrid: Best friends living their best lives (A Body Swap Story)

The 2020s was the time where smartphones and AI were the biggest thing. This decade however, virtual reality was the biggest gamechanger. Technology has gone to a point where not only can you see and hear your virtual world but also smell, taste, and feel it. All five senses connected to this virtual reality called DreamGrid. 

Inside the DreamGrid, it automatically detects everything about you from your body to your preferences. We barely have secrets from companies these days since all our data has been uploaded in the cloud. Once you’ve logged in and wear the helmet, you can see, smell, and feel your real life body in the virtual world. In this world, the possibilities are endless. 

Tom and Nate have been best friends since they were kids. Their parents were friends and they became friends themselves. They would always do sleepovers and do everything together. When they got into school, it became apparent that they had their own strengths. Tom was one of the smartest kids in the class while Nate was very athletic and charming. It didn’t affect their friendship though, in fact, it was strengthened. Tom would help Nate with his homework while Nate helped Tom with his social skills and physical-related tasks.

Years later, they’re still best buddies. They actually moved in together ‘cause it’s cheaper that way. Tom now works for DreamGrid while Nate became a physical therapist.

(Tom) 

(Nate)

One day, Tom received headsets from DreamGrid and Nate insisted on immediately logging in along with Tom. They went through all the registration and setup until they were both in the virtual world. 

Even in DreamGrid, they decided to be roommates. In this virtual world though, their apartment was bigger with more expensive furniture. Nate couldn’t believe how tasty virtual food is while Tom spent more time decorating his room with virtual knicknacks. Eventually, both guys logged off because there’s just too many things to do in DreamGrid but not enough time. 

After a few months, both guys had a stressful day at work. They ranted to each other what annoyed them that day. Despite the very different type of jobs they had, one being very technical while the other being very physical, one of the common denominators that contributed to their stress was how routine and how repetitive each day could be. Given it was the weekend, Nate had the idea to go visit DreamGrid again to do something new with his best friend. 

“Hey Tom, let’s go log on DreamGrid. I just need a break from my life right now.” Nate said. 

“You know what, me too.” Tom replied. 

Both men wore the headsets and hopped into their virtual apartment. What they didn’t anticipate is how similar it felt to real life. When they set up their accounts, they chose to still have the same jobs in the virtual world. Others would usually choose jobs they don’t have in real life. 

“Hey Tom, I have a crazy idea.” Nate said. 

“What is it?”

“What if I log in DreamGrid as you and you log in as me?” 

“You want us to be each other in the virtual world?” Nate replied.

“Yeah, I do. I think it’ll be fun to be my best friend for a while.”

“Oh I don’t know-”

“Come on! We both know each other very well and our avatars have all the know-how anyway!” Nate insisted. 

“Well I guess there’s no harm in doing it.” Tom finally relented. 

Both men logged out and exchanged headsets.

When they logged in, they were each other. 

“Holy shit, this is so freaky! No pun intended” Nate said. 

“I know! It feels so weird being taller than you, or I should say, me.” Tom said.

“I’ve never been this fit before.” Tom said. 

“And I haven’t been this hairless since 9th grade.” Nate replied. 

Both men agreed to go to each other’s room to explore their new bodies. 

In Nate’s room:

“Holy shit, it feels so weird to be in Nate’s body” Tom thought as he lifted his shorts. 

Tom opened his selfie camera and admired his new hairy chest. He ran towards the bathroom and took a selfie there. 

In Tom’s Room:

Nate peeled off Tom’s shirt and inspected his own body. It was certainly very different from his own. However he enjoyed every minute of it. 

Like Tom, he went to the mirror to take a selfie of his new self. 

Both guys emerged from their rooms and decided to go to each other’s jobs. Tom enjoyed helping people as a physical therapist. Nate enjoyed thinking about complex problems at DreamGrid. At the end of the virtual day, they met again at home and discussed. 

“Tom, your job is amazing!” Nate said. 

“I haven't thought that hard in a long time. It felt good being able to solve the complex problems they gave me.”

Tom replied “Well I had a lot of fun in your job too! You know I exercise too but I’m not as fit and strong as you and having your body helped a lot.” 

“But it’s time to log off. Do you wanna do it again?” Nate asked. 

“I sure do.” Tom replied. 

Both guys removed their helmets and got back to the real world. Tom looked at his body with a bit of disappointment. Unbeknownst to him, Nate felt the same way.

Both guys excitedly got home and immediately wore their headsets. Tom was happy being Nate and Nate was happy being Tom. In fact, they preferred being each other more than being themselves. By extension, both men dreaded going back to the real world every time. They wished the virtual world was their reality. 

This continued on for months. They would be each other virtually and do the bare minimum in reality. Both guys were able to articulate their common desire to swap bodies so they decided to be each other permanently in DigitalGrid. 

However, this was not enough for either of them. They wanted their virtual identities to be their real and physical identities. In fact, Tom felt wrong being Tom in real life. He felt like he was too short and weaker than he should be. Nate hated being taller and stronger. This did not feel like the life he was meant to have. 

When Nate is in DigitalGrid, he would work on a way for their consciousness to be reuploaded in each other’s bodies in real life. In the real world, Tom would tinker with the physical helmets to be able to trick the software that Nate was Tom and Tom was Nate. After a few more months, both men succeeded. 

“Are you sure about this Tom?” Tom asked Nate. They decided to call each other by the other’s name a few months ago. 

“Yes, I’m sure Nate.” Nate replied. 

Both men smiled and wore the headset. In the virtual world, Tom was Tom and Nate was Nate. They both wore the headsets in the virtual world as well and pressed a button. Both men felt a shock and removed their virtual headsets. Tom was now Nate and Nate was Tom. Again, they removed the real headsets. 

Tom found himself in Nate’s body and Nate found himself in Tom’s body. They hugged each other and said thanks as they looked forward to being each other for the rest of their lives. 

The end.

[suugarbabe]

Origin Stories

(part 4)

summary: it's second year, and baby matty is hopeful that this year will be just as good as the last. what could screw up getting away from his home, being back with his friends, being with you and finally trying out for the quidditch team. probably the chamber re-opening.

warnings: some classic magic child abuse, angst, hurt but comfort, sad baby matty, and draco being a dick

an: as always thank you to my love @musingsofahufflepuff for his magnificent idea contributions, helping me edit, our constant yaps to help build the story & helping motivate me <33; yes there is another part, there will always be more

You had convinced your parents to get you to the platform about half an hour sooner than they did the year before. They had heard you drone on and on about your friend Mattheo all summer and how important it was that you get the same car. 

“It’s tradition mum, I can’t break it! I need to make sure I get it for us,” you gave your mum a big squeeze and she hugged you close. Your dad gave you a brief hug as well and then you headed on to the train. 

You made your way down the aisle of the train, passing multiple open cars on your way. You entered the last compartment, walking up to the second to last door on your left.

Opening it swiftly you nearly jumped, not expecting someone to be in there. Hand on your chest you breathed deeply, “Salazar’s sake, Matty you scared me.” Mattheo continued to look out the window, chin seemingly sitting on his fist and elbow on the armrest of the seat, “Sorry.”

You sat down next to him, digging into your pants pocket, “I got you some fizzing whizzbees..” You pulled the packet of sweets out and sat down next to him. You held the packet towards him, “They’re still your favorite right?” 

Mattheo turned towards you, his head still down, “Yeah, they’re still my favorite.” You handed them over gently, “Are you mad at me or something?” Your brain instantly went to the worst thing, but you couldn’t help yourself. 

Theo had written to you over summer holiday, as soon as it started. He said that it ‘probably wasn’t the best idea to try and write Matt as his mum would not be too keen on it.’  But maybe he was wrong, you should’ve tried. Now Mattheo was angry, he couldn’t even look at you. 

Mattheo shook his head in answer to your question. “Then why won’t you look at me? I wanted to write, I really did but-” Mattheo cut you off, “Was probably best you didn’t.” He looked up at you finally, allowing you to get a full view of his face for the first time. 

There was another one now. A scar. It was the same side, but below his eye. This one went clean down his cheek from right under his eyelid to just below the apple of his cheek bone. “Oh, Matty,” you reached your hand out like you were going to touch it; Mattheo flinched back. 

You pulled your hand back quickly, “M’sorry, I didn’t mean-” He cut you off again, “No, s’fine, I’m sorry. It just gets some getting used to that not everyone is out to hurt you. I’ll be better tomorrow, promise.” 

You shook your head, crossing your arms, “Why did she do it? I know it was your mother. What now?” Mattheo pulled his legs up, wrapping his arms around his knees and holding on to his wrist, “I just…didn’t want to do something she asked.” Kill someone. That’s what she had asked him to do. 

“Bella, please. Not yet. He’s just a boy,” Draco’s mother, Narcissa, pleaded with her sister. She looked at Mattheo, the fear in her young nephew’s eyes. Even down at his side, his wand hand was trembling. 

Bellatrix did not seem to have the same soft heart as the younger Black sister, “It must be done, Cissy. It is his destiny. His father is still gone, so he must step in for his duties until he returns.” Bellatrix held steadfast to the curse that kept the muggle man suspended in front of them, body twisted and contorted. 

Mattheo didn’t know who the man was, or why his mother chose him. He could be a nice man for all he knew. Knowing his mother he was probably someone random, chosen specifically to test Mattheo; to see if he would be up to the task for that of a young Dark Lord.

“You know the spell, dear boy,” Bellatrix leaned down towards his ear, “kill him, Mattheo.” With a shaky arm, Mattheo raised his wand. He pointed it towards the man, whose eyes were now boring a hole into Mattheo’s. 

Mattheo opened his mouth, “A-Av..Avada..” He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t say it, couldn’t kill this man he didn’t know. Couldn’t kill something or someone for no reason. Someone defenseless, who didn’t hurt him, didn’t threaten him. How could he?

“Oh you useless boy, out of my way,” Bellatrix shoved Mattheo aside and to the ground. Her wand hand pointed straight at the muggle man as she said the curse effortlessly, “Avada Kedavra.” A bolt of green light shot from the tip of her wand and hit the man square in the chest. 

His body hit the ground with a hard thud. 

Bellatrix then stalked over to her son, boots clicking against the marble floor like a time bomb waiting to blow up in Mattheo’s face. Mattheo tried to crawl backwards until his back hit a wall. 

Bellatrix pointed her wand straight at his face, “What a pathetic disappointment you are.” In a swift motion, a clean cut was made below his right eye. A hiss left Mattheo’s mouth as his hands covered the bleeding wound. 

Narcissa ran over to Mattheo quickly, “Bella! How could you? Your own son?” Bellatrix looked at him with a look that could only be described as disgust, “No son of mine would be so weak.” As she walked away, she shouted over her shoulder, “You can fix him up, Cissy…but leave the scar.” 

But he couldn’t tell you that. No, you’d think he was crazy, or worse…be scared of him. “Matty…I’m so sorry,” the frown you wore nearly shattered him. Mattheo shrugged, “S’okay, you actually helped me through it.” 

You tilted your head slightly, “Whaddya mean?” Mattheo put his hand inside his cloak, pulling out the stuffed dragon you had made him last Christmas. “He, erm, got me through some tough nights.” The three in a row that Mattheo cried himself to sleep after the incident specifically. But you didn’t need to know that detail. 

Your frown grew into a grin and Mattheo seemed to relax a little more, “I’m so glad he helped, that’s the whole reason I made him for you. A little extra pal when I’m not around.” 

Mattheo smiled shyly, tucking his dragon back between his robes right as Theo and Enzo burst into the space. “Oi oi! Whatcha reckon, mates? No longer bottom feeders this year, what’s our new titles, hmm?” 

“Git one and git two have a nice ring to it, aye Matty?” You pointed at each boy across from you respectively, Mattheo laughing in the process. 

Theo would have none of it, “Scusa! I will not have you put me together with him!” Theo tore the leg off his chocolate frog, who was already missing its head, before tossing it in your general direction. 

A pout fit itself upon Enzo’s lips, “Why do I gotta be git two?” Theo raised his hand to smack Enzo, but the latter boy must have worked on his reflexes over the summer and was able to dodge. Mattheo stifled a laugh, “Gettin’ quicker, Enz.” 

Enzo nodded, “‘ve got to be, quidditch tryouts this year!” At the sound of sport Theo and Mattheo bound into a long conversation. You, on the other hand, began to drown them out. Instead, you dug out your new Defense Against the Dark Arts text, an overly cheery wizard on the front, and started flipping through different pages. 

You felt yourself drift off during a debate that broke out on if the Chudley Cannons were going to best the Montrose Magpies this year. The boys must have let you sleep the rest of the ride, as the next thing you knew you felt yourself jolting forward before an arm wrapped around your middle. 

Mattheo quickly pulled his arm away once you’d settled, “Erm, sorry.” His cheeks tinted the lightest shade of pink as everyone began to stand. The four of you followed the crowd of students off the train and onto the platform. 

You peaked at the group of first years being led to the boats by the gameskeeper, Hagrid. Turning back you grabbed lightly onto the hood of Enzo’s robe so as to not lose your friends in the crowd. As second years you got to take the carriages and skip the water ride. 

Approaching the long line of carriages waiting for students, Mattheo stopped in his tracks. Leading each carriage was what looked like a horse with a skeletal body, its face having reptilian features. On its back sat wide leathery wings like that of a bat. Upon his abrupt halting, Enzo, and therefore you, bumped roughly into his back. 

“Oof, sorry mate. Why’re ya stoppin?” Enzo brushed himself off, you doing the same. Mattheo just shook his head. If no one else was going to mention the death horses then neither was he. 

The ride to the castle and walk to the Great Hall held idle chatter. Mattheo slumped on the bench of the Slytherin table, leaning his chin in his hands as his elbows rested on the table top. He hated that you couldn’t sit with them. And he hated that the Hufflepuff table was all the way on the other side of the Great Hall. 

Theo shoved one of Mattheo’s elbows out from under him, his head falling slightly before he straightened himself up. “Nott, what the hell?” Theo nodded towards the other side of the hall. Mattheo turned, seeing you waving enthusiastically. 

Mattheo waved back, albeit a little shyer than your display. You then pointed to his left, meaning you wanted Enzo’s attention for some reason. Despite the growing heat in his chest, Mattheo complied, smacking Enzo in the shoulder. 

He had about the same reaction as Mattheo originally, but looked for you across the hall all the same. Once you knew you had Enzo’s attention you waved as well. However once he began waving back you turned your hand round, choosing now to give him the middle finger with a wide grin. 

Enzo gasped slightly, turning towards his friends, “Did the little badger just flip me the bird?” Mattheo kept his eyes on the table, not trying to hide his smile in the slightest. Theo just shrugged, “If you don’t deserve it now I’m sure you will later.” 

The rest of the sorting ceremony and feast went on without much excitement. The new DADA professor was announced with a chorus of swooning sighs that had Mattheo rolling his eyes unamusedly. 

Prefects led each house to their dorms after the meal concluded. The new slytherin password was pura sanguinis (pure of blood). Mattheo rolled his eyes again. Instead of staying up with the others he decided to go straight to bed. 

Pulling his dragon back out from his robe’s inner pocket he sat it on his bed as he changed. With all the others still in the common room catching up, Mattheo was left alone. He crawled under his duvet, pulling it tight up to his chin. 

Once all good and snug, he pulled your dragon close to his chest. He hoped tonight would be the first peaceful sleep he got since leaving Hogwarts for summer. And even better, the sooner he slept, the sooner he could wake up. And hang out with you again. 

Mattheo woke about two hours before the others. He had showered and gotten dressed before anyone else in his dorm had even subconsciously thought about waking up. He wanted to get to breakfast early. Partly to make sure that you guys got your same spot (it was crucial) and (more) partly to possibly get some one on one time with you before everyone else made their way up to the great hall.

If there was one thing Mattheo had learned about you over the last school year, it was that your excitement often kept you from sleeping. So he really shouldn’t have been as surprised as he was to find you already sitting (in your group’s spot) at the Slytherin table. 

A lone Hufflepuff in their black and yellow sweater sitting at the table with a green and silver runner lying across it. Mattheo walked over with a growing grin, taking his rightful spot next to you on the bench, “Morning. Really thought I’d beat you here.” 

You turned to face him, now straddling the bench, “Couldn’t sleep, too excited. How’re you? Better than yesterday?” Mattheo’s face heated slightly, but he nodded, “Yeah, much better now that I’m here.” You smiled a little bigger at this, Mattheo mirrored your expression. 

Mattheo could tell you wanted to say something more, or maybe ask him something. You were gnawing on your bottom lip and looking around a lot. “Was there something else?” Mattheo’s heart rate rose, wondering what you could be nervous about asking him. 

Stuttering through your sentence you asked him shyly, “C-could I, erm, do you t-think I could give you a hug?” Your cheeks blushed and Mattheo could feel his face falling to one of shock. “I just..” you were gnawing on your lip again, “I just missed you a lot over summer, and I couldn’t write so we didn’t get to talk at all and…if it’s a weird ask I understand. I’m still learning wizard friend protocol.” 

Mattheo couldn’t help but smile at your ramblings, “There’s no wizard friend protocol.” There was a long pause then. You still obviously waiting for him to answer your original question. His skin felt like it was getting warmer, he’s never been asked that by anyone before. 

He doesn’t think he’s ever actually been hugged before. 

He wasn’t sure he wanted you to know that, though if he said yes you might find out right away. You spoke up first, “S-sorry, I dunno why I asked, it was weird, wasn’t it?” Mattheo shook his head, “No, no I’m sorry. I missed you too. Terribly so, actually,” he scratched the back of his neck nervously, “y-you, erm, you can give me one. A hug.” 

Your smile returned then, leaning forward and wrapping your arms around Mattheo’s shoulders and pulling him into you. He felt a little awkward, not knowing what to do with his arms. He’s seen people hug before. He tried to mimic that.

Wrapping his arms around you as well, giving a small squeeze as you did. 

It was over quicker in real life than it probably felt in his head. He felt warm all over after. You just remained smiling, turning back towards your plate and starting to fill it with food. Mattheo turned and did the same, Theo and Enzo entering the great hall looking still half asleep. 

“Well don’t you two look cheery,” you teased as the last two to your foursome joined you for breakfast. Enzo gave a grunt as he made himself tea. “Vaffanculo,” Theo grumbled, leaning his head on his fist and closing his eyes again. 

Mattheo stifled a laugh but you narrowed your eyes, “Don’t you curse at me, Theo.” Theo peeked an eye open, eyebrow raised, “I did not curse.” You just shook your head, “Lie. I looked up all the Italian curse words this summer so I’d know when you were trying to be sneaky.” 

Theo rolled his eyes. However, Enzo found this thrilling news, “Oh that’s perfect. He’s been saying shit around us for years.” 

“You’ve never thought to, I don’t know, try and translate what he’s been saying?” You looked back and forth between Enzo and Mattheo. The latter boy giving a noncommittal shrug, “Too much work.” 

You shook your head at them all, “Ridiculous, the lot of you.” There was a brief silence as you all loaded your plates before you spoke again, “Anyone else notice the new pompous arsehole that will be teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts this year?” 

“Oh so I’m not allowed to curse but you are?” Theo complained. You just rolled your eyes, “You can’t curse and try to hide it.” Enzo interrupted your spat before it continued further, “I noticed him. It’s hard not to when our entire collection of text for that class is his bloody smiling face.” 

Theo rolled his eyes, “I’m not opening a single one of those books this year. There’s no way we’re learning anything. Matt over here could probably teach us more than that loser.” 

Mattheo shifted a little in his seat, trying to hide any uncomfortableness with a smirk, “Probably, but I’m not teaching anyone else but you three.” The four of you continued to laugh and make fun of Lockhart until you noticed Enzo dropping small bits of food into his shirt pocket. 

“Erm, Enz…what’re you doing?” You were looking at him curiously, but that seemed to give him no indication of what you were wondering about. “Hmm? I’m eating breakfast like the rest of you?” 

Mattheo gave an incredulous look, “I think they’re talking about you stuffing food in your pocket, mate. What’re you doing? Saving a snack for later?” Enzo gave a small laugh, “Ohh, no, no. That’s Mocha’s breakfast.” 

The three of you just stared at him blankly. Enzo shook his head with another small laugh before sticking his hand in his pocket and pulling out a small light gray frog with brown and black branding. “A tree frog?” Theo sat up a little straighter, “aren’t those things poisonous?”

Enzo huffed out a laugh, “Mocha is a mission golden-eyed tree frog. And she only secretes poison if she feels threatened.” 

“A milk frog named Mocha…” Mattheo was doing his best to suppress a smile. “Yes,” Enzo smiled proudly, “I got her this summer, was a birthday present to myself. I’m a father now.” The rest of you groaned.

“Aren’t frogs supposed to eat like..bugs and stuff?” Mattheo inquired. Enzo shrugged, “I give her bugs too, but sometimes she likes a special treat. What kind of father would I be to deny her of that?” 

Theo quickly tried to change the subject, “So..quidditch. We’re all trying out this year, yes?” Mattheo and Enzo nodded enthusiastically, “Tryouts will simply be a formality, they’d be stupid to not let us on the house team.” 

Theo turned to you, “What about you, badger, trying out for your house team?” You barked out a laugh, “Merlin, no. Won’t catch me dead on that pitch.” The three boys looked at you with slight shock.

“But, erm, I’ll be supportive of you guys. What positions are you trying out for?” Your question seemed good enough distraction, Enzo going into a long spiel about trying out for chaser. You really did your best to pay attention, Enzo saying something about practicing all summer and learning a new move that should ‘really help him outshine anyone else’. 

Theo mentioned that he was going for keeper, but wasn’t hellbent on definitely making the team. “I just think it’d be a fun time, yeah?” Mattheo and Enzo nodded. “And what about you, Matty? What position are you trying for?” 

He shrugged, “Probably beater. Might be helpful in getting out frustration.” You frowned briefly, but Enzo and Theo both gave a small laugh. 

“So you’ll watch us try out then, little badger?” Enzo asked enthusiastically. You gave a smile, “Sure, Enz. I’ll come watch.” Mattheo felt that pulling sensation in his stomach again. It was mixing a little bit with anger, but he wasn’t sure why. Enzo was his friend. You were his friend. You guys could be friends too, then. Right?

Mattheo was starting to believe that second year was going to be far better than last year. So far he had transfiguration, charms and potions with you, and now he was on his way to DADA with you, Theo and Enzo. 

“I bet you ten galleons all he does is talk about himself,” Enzo started placing bets as you all walked into the classroom. Once through the doors you couldn’t stop yourself from giggling. On either side of where the desks in the classroom sat were a line of photographs of Gilderoy Lockhart posing in front of different adventure spots. 

Even more horrifically was a large 12-foot tall framed painting of himself painting…himself in another smaller canvas. 

“Yeah, I don’t think anyone’s taking that bet, mate,” Mattheo’s grin was large as he sat down on your right. Theo and Enzo sat at their own table on your left. Enzo opened his mouth to respond only to be interrupted by your new narcissistic professor and his grand entrance from his office.

“Let me introduce you to your new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher…me,” Lockhart declared from the top of the stairs. “Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, honorary member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five times winner of Witch Weekly’s Most-Charming-Smile award,” he punctuated his speech with a toothy grin.

Half of the class seemed to swoon at Lockhart’s theatrics. You and the rest of your friends sat chin in hand, bored looks on each of your faces. Halfway through Lockhart’s speech about himself and all his glorious defeats Enzo was lightly snoring. 

Mattheo and Theo were not much better. Matty’s head slipped from its place in his hand, his jerking down slightly before he sat up straight again, “What I miss?” You laughed lightly, “He actually just performed all the unforgivables.” 

Mattheo narrowed his eyes, “Are you fucking with me?” Rolling your eyes you stifled another laugh, “Of course I’m fucking with you - oh no…that..that is not good.” Mattheo turned to where you were worriedly staring. 

Lockhart placed a large bird cage full of cornish pixies on the table next to him. Most of the class started laughing. “Cornish pixies?” Seamus, a Gryffindor student asked in amusement. “Freshly caught cornish pixies,” Lockhart corrected, “laugh if you will Mr. Finnigan, but pixies can be devilishly tricky little blighters.” 

You pulled on Mattheo’s robes, “We gotta get out of here.” Lockharts hand was on the latch to the cage of pixies, Mattheo just smiled, “What’s wrong? Badger afraid of some little pixies?” 

Shoving Theo awake you turned to Mattheo with a glare, “This badger happens to be pretty proficient in magical creatures, you fucking knob. And those pixies are bloody riled up good. We need to leave.” 

“Rilassati, amico,” Theo groaned, looking like he was about to fall back asleep. You scoffed, “No, Theo, I will not relax. Ugh, why are you lot not listening to m-” Lockhart flicked open the cage. 

In an instant, roughly fifty cornish pixies barreled out of the cage and around the room. Students were shrieking and ducking under desks. One grabbed onto Hermione’s hair and Potter used his textbook like a beaters bat and thwacked it away. 

Neville, another Gryffindor student seemed to be getting the worst of it, being lifted up by his ears by several pixies before being dropped to hang on the chandelier by his robes. 

“Fuckin’ Salazar, look what they did to Longbottom,” Enzo pointed at the stout boy now dangling. At that same moment, two pixies began to grab and pull on each of Enzo’s ears. “Hold on, mate,” Theo reared his hand back before smacking Enzo hard on the back of his head. 

Both pixies let go and flew away as Enzo nearly smacked his face on the desk in front of him, “What the hell, Theo?”

“Come on,” you pulled both Matty and Theo with you through the doorway, Enzo following quickly behind, still rubbing the back of his head. “No, that’s alright. You lot just go on without me, I’ll stay here with the pixies who tried to attack me.” 

“Oi! I got them off of you didn’t I?” Theo had a small smirk on his face. “You didn’t even hit them, you just hit me!” Enzo shouted with a pout. 

You fell in step with Enzo. “Awh, poor thing,” you cooed, “did big, bad Theo hurt your head?” 

Enzo grumbled, “He’s not big.” Theo let out a laugh, flexing his muscles, “Not big huh. We’ll see on the quidditch pitch this weekend.” Theo and Enzo started laughing and shoving each other. Trying to one up back and forth the rest of the way to the great hall for lunch. 

“Are you still gonna watch me tryout?” Mattheo asked, his shoulder bumping yours briefly as he came to walk beside you. A warmth spread through your chest, “I said I would, didn’t I?” 

Mattheo grabbed your arm, halting both of you from following the others into the great hall, “Do you pinky promise?” He held out his hand, pinky out, just as you did to him the year before. 

You hooked your pinky with his without any hesitation, “Yeah, Matty. Pinky promise.”

October in Scotland could be a hit or miss when it came to the weather. Thankfully, the day of the Slytherin quidditch tryouts were sunny with just barely a breeze. You sat on the wooden bench of the tall stadium seats, watching a decent sized group of students fly around and ‘warm up’ for whatever the tryouts were going to entail. 

You hugged the cardigan you were wearing a little tighter around as a particularly large gust of wind blew by. Marcus Flint, the current captain, shouted out plays and orders for everyone to follow that was more confusing than when Theo spoke strictly Italian.

Mattheo hovered in front of Flint, Theo and Enzo on either side as they were given instructions for tryouts. Apparently they were going to go at it like a scrimmage, Marcus splitting the teams up to go against each other. 

It didn’t go unnoticed that one side heavily outweighed the other in talent and age, but Mattheo wasn’t too worried about it, he felt confident in his abilities as a beater. Thankfully, he and the other boys were on the same side. 

Despite their younger age, the three of them were quite good at their positions. Enzo’s current smaller stature than the older students was given him an advantage in diving between attempted blocks and avoiding bludgers on his way to the goal posts on the other end. 

Theo’s ever growing limbs were assisting him in blocking the posts on their end. Mattheo flew back and forth across the pitch, tracking both bludgers and their directions, whacking them towards the other team's players when needed. 

On his way back towards his own team’s side of the pitch he flew by where you were sitting. You gave an enthusiastic wave as he did, him doing the same when he noticed what you were wearing. 

Green wasn’t typically a color you wore, considering your house was Hufflepuff. Mattheo also couldn’t recall your initials being L.B., or your family crest mimicking that of Berkshire. Were you wearing Enzo’s cardigan?!

“Matty, behind you!” you were pointing over his shoulder, clearly distressed by whatever was headed his way. Turning he saw the black iron ball whizzing in his direction. Gripping the bat, Mattheo swung with the full force of his frustration, the bludger launching towards an older Slytherin on the other team. 

He heard you cheering, and deep down he knew it was for him. But all Mattheo could think about was you in Enzo’s clothing. If you wanted to wear something to support them, why didn’t you ask him?

Another bludger was coming near, Mattheo smacking it away with great force once again. He had plenty of green clothes you could’ve borrowed. He was practically bred to be a Slytherin. 

Mattheo was losing sight of the purpose of the game, strictly seeking out the bludgers himself just to beat the hell out of them into another direction and chase them down once more. You said yourself that he was your best friend, wouldn’t you borrow from your best friend?

Flint called the game, saying he’d seen enough. Everyone flew back down to the ground of the pitch, forming a small huddle. Mattheo was ignoring everything said, still reeling internally about what he could have done to make you feel like you couldn’t ask him for something. 

“And for beaters, we’ll take Bole and…Riddle,” Mattheo was snapped from his thoughts as Flint announced he had made the team. Theo and Enzo clapping him on either shoulder in congrats. 

“Good job, mate,” Enzo smiled at him. “Bravo, amico,” Theo gave him a small shove. Mattheo allowed himself to smile at his feat, “Thanks, erm, did you guys make it too?” 

Theo and Enzo both looked confused. “What, were you not listening? You are the only small person that made it, the class under,” Theo shook his head with a laugh. 

“Theo, mate, you can’t call them that. Those ‘small people’ are goblins. Mattheo’s a wizard,” Enzo wore a shit eating grin. 

Too focused on his sarcasm, Enzo didn’t notice you walking up behind him. That is, until you landed a particularly hard flick on the side of his head, “You’re an idiot, Berk.” Theo roared with laughter, “That’s one, badger. Now you’ve only got one free flick left from last Christmas!”

“How are you gonna injure me when I lent you my best cashmere jumper to support us,” Enzo wore a wounded pout. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes, “You basically forced me to wear it. Can you believe he told me I couldn’t wear my own house colors? Like I’d somehow be bad luck?” 

So you didn’t ask, Enzo was just a prat, good to know. “I’d say if anything, you being there was good luck, I did make the team after all,” Mattheo was grinning now, true and genuine after his earlier worries were squashed. 

You flushed slightly at his words, feeling it reach up near your ears. You would play it off as a cause from the wind if anyone had said anything, but thankfully no one seemed to notice. 

“Yeah, yeah, rub it in. We’ll make it next year and then we’ll really be unstoppable,” Theo hoisted his broom over his shoulder, Matty and Enzo doing the same as you all headed back towards the castle. 

Enzo and Theo, per usual, started walking ahead. Leaving you and Mattheo in makeshift seclusion. “You looked pretty impressive out there,” you linked your arm with his as you walked. 

Mattheo did his best to stay relaxed, “T-Thanks, erm,” he cleared his throat, “thank you. And, erm, thanks for coming and cheering us on.” He ran his hand through his curls before pulling them down slightly.

“I wouldn’t miss it. Not when it was something important to you.” 

His face immediately flushed. He could feel it all over, from the tips of his ears, across his nose, even down his neck. You had to have noticed, but you didn’t mention anything. Instead you just allowed the peaceful silence to fall over the two of you for the rest of the walk. 

The best part about October at Hogwarts was the very end. The very last day to be specific. Because the last day of October meant one thing: Halloween Feast. And while Theo and Enzo, and many more students, were chattering about what food the castle elves would be cooking up, Mattheo could only think about one thing. 

You two couldn’t enjoy it together. 

Special event feasts meant you had to sit at your house table. Mattheo hated that your house table wasn’t his. But that didn’t stop him from sitting where he could look for you. 

Nearly willing you to look his way. You always did. And you always waved. It made his heart happy. He still couldn’t believe he was able to make a true and genuine friend. One who didn’t care about his blood status, who his parents were, what he was destined for. 

Theo gave Mattheo a quick nudge with his elbow, pulling him back to reality with those around him. The feast was now apparently over, Mattheo had barely eaten anything.

As the four tables of students slowly became a giant mass, Mattheo’s eyes never left your form. Weeding through students as if they were nothing in order to get to you. “Matty, hey!” your hand rose high in a wave, Mattheo pretending like he wasn’t already looking in your direction. 

Theo and Enzo were quick to appear behind him, immediately speaking as if they were already in the middle of a conversation with you, “So we’re going to a party, yeah?” 

Mattheo shot you a questioning look, you rolled your eyes. “A party Theo? How are second years supposed to get into a party?” Mattheo threw an arm around your shoulder, facing the two, “Yeah, what bright and brilliant idea have you two concocted in order to get us in?” 

“Why do we want to get in?” You add on. You’re all moving with the crowd from the great hall towards the main split off of corridors for all the houses. Enzo lets out an exasperated sigh, “Because I heard a bunch of fourth years that were going talking about it and they all sounded very excited. Must be a good time.” 

You glanced at Mattheo, a smirk forming on his lips, “And where is this party taking place exactly?” 

“Ravenclaw Tower” “Gryffindor Tower” 

Theo and Enzo spoke both simultaneously and opposite. You and Mattheo exchanged a glance, “So neither of you know. Are you even sure you heard the right information?” 

Enzo opened his mouth to reply when the four of you all seemed to run into the people just ahead. Hushed whispers fell over everyone, and for good reason. High on the corridor wall in front of all the students was a message seemingly written in blood. 

The chamber of secrets has been opened…enemies of the heir…beware

Mattheo grew rigid. He glanced around the crowd of students. No one seemed to be staring at him, which was good. Then the nasally sound of his cousin rang over the crowd. 

“Enemies of the heir, beware? You’ll be next, mudbloods!”

A scowl flashed across Mattheo’s face. You grabbed his arm, “Leave it. He’s not worth it.” Mattheo looked at you, your eyes seemingly pleading for him to just let it go. 

Dumbledore’s voice then boomed over all the murmuring. “Prefects lead your houses back to your common rooms. The fun seems to be concluded for the night.” 

Enzo let out a groan, “So no parties?” 

Mattheo slumped into the puffy yellow sofa in the Hufflepuff common room. You sat next to him as Theo and Enzo sat in two adjoining lounge chairs across from you. “Sorry you lost the game, Matty,” you really were empathetic, even if you didn’t know what was going on. 

“Match,” Enzo corrected, "It's called a match not a game”. 

 “Whatever,” you rolled your eyes, “M’still sorry.” Mattheo shrugged. The match wasn’t really on his mind. At least not in the way that everyone was probably thinking.

Last week someone had started a rumor that Mattheo was the one who opened the Chamber of Secrets. That he was the heir to Slytherin and the one who’d been threatening everyone. 

When a first year with a camera was rumored to have been petrified a few days ago, everyone started to avoid him like the plague. Everyone except you, Theo and Enzo. There were even a few other Slytherins that had actually congratulated him, whispering to him students he should attack next. 

Theo encouraged those students to shove their wands up their ass. 

Before the match this morning Mattheo had found out that it was Draco who had started the rumor. He immediately wanted to pulverize his weasel of a cousin but you had encouraged him to ‘channel his anger towards the bludgers instead’. 

Mattheo had planned on doing just that. But it didn’t seem like he really needed to. Any time he flew near someone they almost immediately went the other way. He could only assume they were thinking what the rest of the school was, too. 

“I honestly thought the rumor Malfoy spread would’ve helped you guys win today, just have you fly by anyone with the quaffle and they’d avoid it,” Enzo meant it as a positive comment. Mattheo hadn’t mentioned to anyone that he technically was the actual heir. 

But he wasn’t the one who opened the chamber. He hadn’t even heard of it before it was written about in blood on the walls. 

“Golden boy Potter always manages to get the snitch though doesn’t he,” you huffed out annoyed, “even breaking his bloody arm in the process.” 

Mattheo ran his hands through his curls, “Can we talk about something else besides the match…and people thinking I’m on a petrifying spree or something.” 

The barrels to your common room rolled open, a group of fifth years coming in. They stopped short seeing three slytherins sitting on their sofas. A sour look crossed over the tallest one’s features. 

“Who let the killer in our common room?” a few of his friends snickered behind him. 

You were immediately on your feet, wand drawn, “Go fuck yourself, Cedric!” Enzo stood up with you, “Yeah, Diggory, ya cockwomble, how about you all go have a group wank and leave us alone.” 

Cedric gave Enzo the finger, which the younger boy gladly returned in double and a show of his tongue. The older Hufflepuffs went off to their rooms, leaving the four of you alone in the common room once more. 

You sat back down, immediately apologizing for your housemates. Mattheo waved it off, more so secretly thrilled that you defended his honor. Theo brought everyone’s minds back to center, asking the real question, “Enzo what was that word you used? Cockwiggler?”

You and Mattheo couldn’t suppress your laughter, Enzo rolling his eyes, “It’s cockwomble, mate. It's like…an idiot, a person who’s being an idiot.” 

Mattheo shook his head, “You’ve gotta be fucking with us, Enz. There’s no way. You made that shit up on the spot.” You agreed with Matty, “Yeah, Berk. I swear you’re just saying shit with confidence and assuming everyone else won't question it.” 

A playful argument then ensued, everyone asking Enzo what other words he’s been making up. As Mattheo readjusted in his seat, a letter fell out of his robes. You grabbed for it, seeing the front for only a brief moment before Mattheo was snatching it from your hands. 

“What’re you doing? Did you reach in my robes?” 

You looked at him confused, “What? Of course I didn’t. What’s wrong? Who’s that from?” Mattheo could feel the other two staring now. The earlier light hearted conversation now traded off for this one. 

“It’s from my mum,” Mattheo held the letter face down, choosing to stare at the broken wax seal of his family crest instead of his mother’s scratchy scrawl. Enzo inhaled through gritted teeth, his face in sort of a grimace. Theo just looked like he felt sorry for him. 

You wore a small frown, clearly remembering the terrible things Mattheo’s mother has done to him over the last year. “Are you in trouble?”

Mattheo shook his head, “Kind of? But not really. She just sort of said that ‘my presence wasn’t necessary during the holidays’. It’s fine. I don’t want to be around them anyway. Especially fucking Malfoy.” 

You nodded in agreement, it seemed to be what Mattheo needed. But your heart ached at the thought of him staying at the castle for the holidays. 

Eventually the conversation shifted, Mattheo saying he was tired and should probably head back to the dungeons. You walked them to the barrel door, before walking directly to your desk in your room and grabbing a quill and parchment. 

The rest of December until break was not very kind to Mattheo. Another student, a Hufflepuff this time, became petrified. If people were weary of him and the boys hanging in your common room before, it was extremely frowned upon after that incident. 

You had suggested just hanging out in their common room instead. Mattheo was extremely against this at first. Stating that there were ‘too many people who thought like Draco’ and that you would stick out like a sore thumb in your yellow and black attire. 

When you suggested just borrowing a sweater or two of his, he came around. 

That was how you were able to get into their dorms without much question to help Theo and Enzo (mostly Enzo) finish up their packing for the holiday break. “Merlin, Enz, did you even start packing before we came up here?” 

Enzo threw a pile of clothes near his trunk, “Nope.” Theo grumbled at him in Italian and Enzo just stuck out his tongue in response. 

“Did you at least remember to pack your frog?” you were teasing him, assuming Mocha was already somewhere safe like his pocket. Enzo turned around at the mention of his amphibian child. 

He patted the shirt pocket on his chest, then picked up his robes and started feeling in each of those pockets. “Merlin’s beard…I’ve lost my daughter. Holy Helga, I’ve lost Mocha. Mocha! Where are you sweetie? Daddy’s worried about you!” 

He started lifting the pillows of his bed before turning behind him and tearing apart Theo’s as well, to much protest. You started to look around the dorm when you noticed Mattheo smiling. 

Walking over to him you crossed your arms, “What did you do?” Mattheo didn’t make eye contact. Instead he just kept smiling, holding his gaze towards something higher, almost like he was trying to concentrate on keeping a spell going. 

Following where he was looking you saw Mocha floating a few feet above Enzo’s head. Having enough of the Slytherin shenanigans you poked Mattheo between his hip and ribs, the boy letting out a small yelp, however you succeed in breaking his eye contact. 

Mocha landed right atop Enzo’s head. He was so relieved to see her he didn’t even question how she got there. 

Once you had assisted in getting them somewhat organized you had walked with the three Slytherins to the carriages that would take students back to Hogsmeade station. 

Theo and Enzo had gotten in with a few other Slytherins, Enzo abruptly wrapping his arms around you in a farewell hug. 

You, of course, hugged back after the initial shock wore off. Enzo went to do the same to Mattheo. Who immediately held up his hand to stop him, “Absolutely not.” 

You stood with Matty as the carriages rode off. Watching them get smaller and smaller the farther they got away. 

It took him a moment before he realized you were still standing next to him. “W-what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you have gotten on the carriage with them?” 

You gave Mattheo your biggest smile, “Oh, didn’t I mention it? I’m staying here too. We’re going to spend Christmas together.”

[reason-with-the-underdog]

you were not mine to save -> to be loved is to be changed

i keep thinking about how

if you boil down alhaitham & kaveh's akademiya-era fallout fight, it was that alhaitham wanted to change kaveh & kaveh could never agree with his proposed course of action

but now, as full grown adults, alhaitham isnt trying to change kaveh anymore

that core conflict does reoccur, as it did during Parade of Providence when alhaitham lectured kaveh after Act II & kaveh got annoyed

(even though Alhaitham was obviously just worried about kaveh's health/wellbeing...)

this is a common pattern of behavior for them: alhaitham is worried about kaveh & kaveh reacts defensively to it

which speaks to how stubborn & hyper-independent kaveh is

despite being someone who's dedicated to giving back to the community and contributing towards the larger social good, he's quite determined on his own path in life

he'll bear the consequences (ie bankruptcy) all by himself if necessary...! and he's much too stubborn to be talked out of his own decisions

i dont think there was any possible way kaveh could have walked away from the wrecks of the first build of alcazarzaray and still be at peace with himself

and kaveh even admits he was naive (in his teapot dialogue), but he doesnt regret it still even now

so i think its cool alhaitham realised that there's no point in trying to convince kaveh to change who he is

such is kaveh. kaveh will not be someone different, not even for alhaitham. his work & altruism are parts of his core identity

why fight a mountain who will not be moved?

instead, alhaitham goes for more "harm reduction" strategies:

help cover kaveh's bar tabs, which means he's also the one lambad calls to pick up kaveh & see kaveh home safely

snark at kaveh when he's ranting about clients to keep him in a righteous mood instead of getting depressed

there's a quote about how to be loved is to be changed....

and alhaitham certainly has changed so much from that smart-mouthed student who had pinpointed what he thought was the root of kaveh's overbearing altruism and figured he could fix kaveh's problems with that knowledge!

to now as an adult with a lot more life experience: alhaitham knows that kaveh isn't his to save

and the more he tries to force kaveh to changing, the more likely kaveh is to dig his heels in

alhaitham doesnt need to be kaveh's minder or overbearing best friend--

he wants to be kaveh's partner, his equal, which means respecting kaveh's choices for what they are

anyways kaveh's drowner analogy works rly nicely for this core conflict between them (changing people vs supporting them and protecting them from harm)

& i cant believe its canon

i really appreciate this aspect of their relationship too-- it feels very mature & realistic...

how easy it would be if you could just TELL someone how to fix their problems!

its very frustrating to see someone you care about run straight towards problems again & again...

but you can't change someone's mind bc you want it to be that way. they have to decide on their own, on their own volition, and to truly believe in their decision, for the changes to really stick

as much as it sucks that you can't just solve people's problems for them

the human experience is so much richer for all of our different perspectives and ideas and principles that will not be compromised bc someone else wanted it to be

you can't control people's thoughts & that's for the best (also alhaitham's SQ is literally about this lmao)

[jburrgf]

Bags.

“Can you see me? I'm waiting for the right time. I can't read you, but if you want, the pleasure's all mine. Can you see me using everything to hold back? I guess this could be worse, walking out the door with your bags.”

pairing: joe burrow high school! x book nerdy y/n reader.

summary: high school sweethearts, book nerdy girl, shy-misterious jock, player x nerd girl.

description: joe starts going on s/n book club, and one day they got stuck together at the classroom by mistake.

It was a truth universally acknowledged in my high school that Joe Burrow, the star quarterback, was unattainable. Joe Burrow is basically a myth. He’s everywhere and nowhere at the same time—on the football field, leading our team to state championships, and in my honors classes, where he sits quietly, blending into the background. He’s the quarterback, but he's not what people expect. He’s shy, nerdy, and mysterious.

I’ve always been invisible to Joe Burrow.

I mean, not exactly invisible—we’ve gone to the same school since we were in kindergarten, sat in the same classrooms, shared the same air—but for someone like him, I might as well have been a ghost. I always thought he had no idea who I was, just another face in the sea of people who adored him.

Still, I was ridiculously in love with him.

I had been hopelessly, head-over-heels, and completely smitten with Joe Burrow since the seventh grade. It wasn’t just that he was good-looking, or that he was the star quarterback—although those things certainly didn’t hurt. No, what had drawn me to Joe was how kind he seemed to be to everyone, how he went out of his way to help people even when he didn’t have to. There was something about the way he carried himself, a quiet humility that made him different from the other guys on the football team.

Still, none of that mattered because, as far as I was concerned, I was just another face in the crowd.

So, when I saw Joe walk into the same after-school book club that I attended every Tuesday, I was shocked. The school's book club is a quiet, nerdy escape for me after hours, and apparently for him too. At first, I thought he had wandered into the wrong room, but then I saw him sit down and pull out a copy of Great Gatsby. The fact that the quarterback was not only in the same room as me but also reading the same book threw me completely off-guard. For weeks, I couldn’t focus on anything but how to avoid making eye contact with him while somehow hoping he’d notice me.

But he didn’t.

Or at least, that’s what I told myself every single time I snuck a glance at him. He was quiet, focused, and didn’t engage much during discussions, unlike me. I always had my hand up, always contributing to the conversation, but never to him directly.

It was a Tuesday afternoon, and the faint scent of old paper filled the school library. I sat in my usual spot, the far corner of the room where the sunlight barely touched. My hands played absently with the spine of the novel in my lap, but my mind was elsewhere. Specifically, it was on Joe Burrow.

He was late to the book club meeting again, not that it surprised me. I was used to him sliding in just as Mrs. Fowler began her rambling analysis of whatever novel we were discussing. His late arrivals had almost become routine. He’d offer a sheepish grin, mutter a quick apology, and take his seat across the table from me. Every time, my heart did that ridiculous thing—skipping a beat or two—like I wasn’t used to seeing him in the same room after months of this.

He was a mystery I couldn’t quite solve. In class, he was quiet, smart, but always reserved. In the hallways, he blended in despite the attention the football team got. And here, in book club, of all places, he sat a few feet away, focused, intense, and always... distant. It drove me crazy, even though I had no right to expect anything from him.

I sighed, glancing at the clock. Mrs. Fowler was wrapping up her talk about the The Great Gatsby, and I hadn’t heard a single word. The meeting was almost over, and there was still no sign of Joe. Maybe today he wasn’t coming at all. Maybe—

The door creaked open, and there he was, slipping inside the room as quietly as possible, his eyes scanning the room. As expected, his gaze landed on the empty seat across from me, and my pulse quickened. He muttered his usual apology, and Mrs. Fowler barely acknowledged him. I kept my eyes down, pretending to be engrossed in the pages of my book, but my mind was far from calm. I could feel his presence like a warm weight across from me.

The minutes ticked by, and the meeting ended, the rest of the club members gathering their things to leave. I lingered, as usual, taking my time. Joe remained seated too, flipping through his copy of Gatsby, even though he’d barely participated today. I stole a glance at him, hoping he wouldn’t catch me. But as fate would have it, our eyes met.

My heart jumped into my throat, and I quickly looked away, my face heating up. Get a grip, Y/N, I scolded myself. He’s just a guy. A guy who probably doesn’t even—

“Hey, Y/N,” Joe’s voice broke through my thoughts, soft and hesitant.

I blinked, turning back to him, my heart now hammering in my chest. “Oh, hey,” I managed to say, surprised he’d even spoken to me.

He gave me a small, nervous smile, like he wasn’t sure if he should have said something or not. “Did you like the book?”

I blinked again. “The book?” I repeated, feeling like an idiot. “Oh, yeah. I mean, it’s a classic, right?” Great response, I thought sarcastically.

Joe nodded, and for a second, it seemed like he might say something more, but then he fell silent, his attention shifting to the clock on the wall. “I guess we better—”

Suddenly, the lights flickered, and the sound of a door clicking shut made both of us freeze. I glanced toward the entrance of the library, my stomach dropping as the realization hit. “No way…”

Joe got up, striding over to the door and trying the handle. It didn’t budge. He pushed it again, harder this time, but nothing happened. “I think… we’re locked in,” he said, turning back to me with a bewildered look.

For a moment, I just stared at him, processing the situation. Locked in? With Joe Burrow?

I stood up, clutching my book to my chest as I walked over to the door, peering through the glass. The hallway was dark, deserted. “The janitor must have locked up,” I muttered, feeling a strange mixture of panic and disbelief. “They didn’t notice we were still in here.”

Joe let out a soft laugh, shaking his head. “Well, this is… unexpected.”

I glanced up at him, the reality of the situation sinking in. We were stuck. Together. For who knows how long.

“Yeah,” I breathed, my heart racing. “Unexpected.”

We sat in silence for a while, both of us too awkward to speak. Joe leaned back against the wall, his long legs stretched out in front of him, while I perched on the edge of a desk, nervously flipping through the pages of my book. The quiet between us was almost suffocating, and I could feel my pulse in my ears.

“Do you think they’ll notice we’re gone soon?” I asked after what felt like forever.

Joe shrugged, his eyes flicking to the window. “Maybe. But I think most people have already gone home.”

I swallowed, trying not to let the panic rise. “Great. Just… great.”

Joe chuckled again, and I glanced at him, surprised by the sound. It was soft, genuine, and I realized then how rare it was to hear him laugh. His eyes caught mine, and for a moment, the tension between us eased.

“You don’t seem like the type to panic easily,” he said, a teasing note in his voice.

I raised an eyebrow. “You don’t know me very well, then.”

The silence stretched out between us, heavy with unspoken thoughts. I could feel the warmth of Joe’s presence even though we weren’t sitting close. My mind raced, but my words seemed stuck somewhere in my throat, tangled up with nerves. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, watching as he fidgeted with the cover of his book, his fingers tracing the edges like he wasn’t sure what to do with them.

“Um,” I started, then immediately regretted it. The sound of my own voice startled me, and I felt my cheeks heat up. “What… what about you?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. “Why did you join the club?”

Joe shifted a little, glancing at me briefly before his gaze darted back to the floor. He shrugged, his shoulders rising in that quiet, unsure way that made him seem far less like the confident quarterback everyone assumed he was.

“I guess… I just like books,” he muttered, his voice soft. “It’s easier than… you know, everything else.”

I nodded, understanding what he meant. “Yeah. It’s kind of nice to disappear into a story sometimes. I get the feeling. Nobody know me."

Joe gave a small nod, still not quite meeting my eyes. There was a vulnerability in the way he held himself that surprised me. Here was Joe Burrow—the guy everyone talked about, the quarterback who led our school’s football team to victory—and yet, in this quiet room, he seemed almost… unsure. Just like me.

The room felt smaller suddenly, like the space between us wasn’t as wide as it had been moments ago. I opened my mouth to say something—anything—but the words caught in my throat, tangled up with my nerves. I wasn’t used to talking to Joe, and now that we were alone, I found myself hyper-aware of every small movement he made, every glance he sent in my direction.

After what felt like an eternity, Joe cleared his throat, the sound quiet but startling in the stillness. “I’ve… always noticed you,” he said suddenly, his voice barely audible.

My heart stopped. I blinked, unsure if I’d heard him correctly. “What?” The word slipped out before I could stop it.

Joe’s face flushed a deep red, and he rubbed the back of his neck nervously, his eyes fixed firmly on the floor. “I—I mean, not in a weird way,” he stammered, his words rushed and awkward. “Just… you’re always there, you know? In class. In book club. And, uh, you’re really smart. I just… noticed.”

I stared at him, completely at a loss for words. Joe Burrow— Joe Burrow —had noticed me? My heart raced, and I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks. I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. I was too stunned, too flustered.

Joe shifted uncomfortably, clearly regretting his confession. “Sorry, that was weird. I didn’t mean to—”

“No!” I blurted out, louder than I intended. I winced at the sound of my own voice, feeling my face grow even hotter. “I mean, it’s not weird. I just… I didn’t know.”

Joe’s eyes flicked up to meet mine, and for a moment, we just stared at each other. There was something raw and uncertain in his gaze, something that made my stomach flip in a way I didn’t fully understand. He looked just as nervous as I felt, and somehow, that made it easier to breathe.

“I didn’t think you’d ever notice me,” I admitted quietly, my voice shaky but honest.

Joe’s eyes widened, and he shook his head quickly. “No, that’s… I mean, how could I not? You’re…” He trailed off, clearly struggling to find the right words. “You’re kind of amazing.”

My heart stopped again. Amazing? Me?

I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t used to compliments—especially not from Joe Burrow. I could barely manage to look at him without feeling like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. So instead of speaking, I just offered a small, shy smile, hoping it was enough to show him I appreciated what he said.

The silence between us stretched on, but it wasn’t uncomfortable anymore. It felt like we’d crossed some invisible line, like something had shifted between us. Neither of us knew what to do with that shift, but neither of us seemed to want to break it, either.

After what felt like forever, Joe glanced toward the door, then back at me. “Do you think… we’ll be stuck here for a while?”

I shrugged, feeling a strange sense of calm wash over me despite the situation. “Maybe. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.”

Joe nodded, but instead of looking anxious like he had before, he just leaned back against the wall, his posture relaxing a little. I could feel the tension in my own shoulders easing too, and for the first time in what felt like forever, I didn’t mind the idea of being stuck in this room. Not with Joe.

“I’ve always thought you were too smart for me,” he confessed, avoiding eye contact as he ran his hand through his hair. “I didn’t know how to talk to you. And then, everyone expects me to be this... athlete. Like that’s all I’m good for.”

I was speechless for a second. How could someone like Joe, someone so confident on the field, be so unsure of himself off it? That quiet moment between us, surrounded by old paperbacks and classroom desks, felt like something out of a story I’d read before. And suddenly, all the reasons I’d convinced myself he wouldn’t ever notice me melted away.

“You don’t seem like the typical quarterback,” I said before I could stop myself.

Joe raised an eyebrow, a smile tugging at his lips. “What does that mean?”

I blushed, realizing how that sounded. “I just mean… you’re here. In book club. That’s not exactly where you’d expect the star athlete to be.”

He laughed, the sound soft and self-deprecating. “Yeah, I guess not. But I’ve always liked reading. It’s just… different from what everyone expects.”

I nodded, understanding what he meant. We sat in companionable silence after that, the quiet no longer feeling so heavy.

As the minutes ticked by, the air between us softened, and the weight of our earlier awkwardness started to lift. Joe’s posture became more relaxed, and for the first time, I felt like we weren’t just two strangers stuck in the same room. We were two people who, despite everything, had more in common than I ever realized.

“So,” Joe started again, his voice low but steady, “if you like reading so much, do you have a favorite book?”

I bit my lip, considering his question. It seemed like a simple one, but the answer was anything but. There were so many stories I loved for so many different reasons. “It’s hard to pick just one,” I admitted. “But I guess, if I had to choose… maybe *Jane Eyre*.”

Joe’s eyebrows shot up, and he tilted his head slightly. “*Jane Eyre*? Really?”

I nodded, feeling a little self-conscious but also oddly proud. “Yeah. I mean, it’s more than just a romance. It’s about finding yourself and standing up for what you deserve, even when the world expects you to settle.”

Joe’s lips quirked up into a soft smile, and for a moment, I wondered if he was laughing at me. But then, he nodded thoughtfully. “I get that. It’s... about being strong, right? Even when things don’t go your way.”

“Exactly.” I smiled, surprised that he seemed to understand. “I guess I always admired Jane for that. She never let anyone make her feel small.”

Joe’s smile faded just a little, his eyes dropping to the floor again. “Yeah,” he murmured. “I think I get that more than you’d think.”

His words hung in the air between us, and I felt my chest tighten. I wanted to ask what he meant, but the look on his face told me it wasn’t something he’d share easily. He shifted, rubbing the back of his neck again—a nervous habit I was beginning to notice. When he finally spoke again, his voice was softer than before.

“People always assume things about me,” he said, his gaze still fixed on the floor. “Like, because I’m the quarterback, I have it all figured out. But… most of the time, I don’t. I feel like everyone’s watching, expecting me to be someone I’m not.”

I stared at him, feeling a sudden pang of sympathy. I had never considered what it might be like to be Joe Burrow. To have all that pressure on your shoulders, to be constantly seen but never really known. “That sounds… hard,” I said quietly.

Joe nodded, his expression still serious. “It is. But… then there are moments like this.” He glanced up at me, his eyes meeting mine, and my breath caught in my throat. “Where it feels like maybe… I don’t have to pretend.”

For a second, neither of us said anything. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, and the room suddenly felt a lot smaller. Joe’s eyes stayed locked on mine, and I could see the vulnerability there, the quiet need for something real—something he didn’t have to fake.

I swallowed hard, trying to steady my voice. “You don’t have to pretend with me,” I whispered.

Joe’s gaze softened, and the tension between us thickened, but not in the awkward way it had before. This was different. There was something unsaid in the air, something I wasn’t sure either of us was brave enough to address. But it was there, lingering in the space between us, waiting for one of us to make the next move.

Joe shifted again, pushing off the wall and taking a small step toward me. My heart pounded louder in my ears as he came closer, his eyes never leaving mine. I could feel the heat radiating off him, and suddenly, all the air seemed to disappear from the room.

“So, what book are you reading lately?” I asked.

His eyes met mine then, blue and steady. “Oh, um... just some science fiction stuff. I’m not as into the classics like you seem to be.”

I blushed. “How do you know what I read?”

Joe smiled, a little shyly, looking down at his hands. “I pay attention more than you think.” He stopped for a moment and got back talking again. “I’ve liked you for a long time. But I never thought you’d be interested in me. I mean, you’re... you. And I’m just... well, I’m just the guy who throws a football.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Joe Burrow—*the* Joe Burrow—liked me? All this time?

“I—I don’t even know what to say,” I stammered, still reeling from the shock.

He glanced up at me then, his blue eyes more vulnerable than I’d ever seen them. “You don’t have to say anything. I just... I’ve been wanting to tell you for a long time, but I was too nervous. I didn’t think I was good enough for you.”

I shook my head, feeling tears prick at the corners of my eyes. “Joe, I’ve liked you for as long as I can remember.”

The words hung in the air, and for a moment, neither of us spoke. The room felt impossibly small, like the world outside had shrunk away and all that existed was the two of us.

“I never asked you out because I thought you were too smart for me. You always know what you want and you’re so intellectual and funny, and smart, and beautiful…” Joe admitted softly, his gaze still locked on mine. “I thought you wouldn’t want anything to do with a guy like me.”

I couldn’t believe it. All this time, I had thought he was out of my league, that he didn’t even know I existed. And yet, here he was, confessing that he felt the same insecurities about me.

“I always thought you didn’t even notice me,” I whispered.

He smiled then, a small, soft smile that made my heart ache in the best way. “I noticed.”

My breath caught, and suddenly, it felt like the world had narrowed down to just the two of us. Joe took another step closer, so close now that I could feel the warmth of his body against mine. He hesitated for a moment, his eyes flicking down to my lips and then back up to my eyes.

I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. All I knew was that Joe Burrow was standing inches away from me, looking at me like he wanted to close the distance between us.

He leaned in slightly, his breath warm against my skin. My heart raced, and for a moment, I thought—this is it. I thought he was going to kiss me.

But just as the space between us seemed to disappear, the sound of keys jingling echoed from the hallway. The door creaked open, and the janitor appeared, his eyes widening in surprise when he saw us.

“Oh!” he said, startled. “Didn’t realize anyone was still in here. You two okay?”

Joe stepped back quickly, his face flushing red. I felt the heat rush to my cheeks as well, the moment shattered in an instant. “Uh, yeah,” Joe muttered, running a hand through his hair nervously. “We’re good. Just… stuck.”

The janitor chuckled, oblivious to the tension in the room as he held the door open for us. “Well, you’re free to go now.”

I glanced at Joe, my heart still racing from the almost-moment we’d shared. His eyes met mine briefly before he looked away, his face still red. Neither of us spoke as we gathered our things and made our way to the door.

But as we stepped into the hallway, Joe’s hand brushed against mine, just for a second. It was brief, but enough to send a jolt of electricity through me.

“Y/N,” Joe said softly, his voice hesitant, “about what I was going to say before…”

I looked up at him, my heart still racing. “Yeah?”

He swallowed, his eyes flicking away for a moment before returning to mine. “Would you, um… maybe want to go to the spring dance with me? If you’re not, you know, already going with someone.”

My breath caught, and for a moment, I couldn’t speak. He looked so nervous, standing there with his hands shoved in his pockets, waiting for my answer.

I smiled, feeling a warmth spread through me. “I’d love to.”

Joe's face lit up with relief, a shy smile pulling the corners of his mouth. "Great. I was so afraid of you saying no to me."

"I could never," I said, honestly.

"That's... that's perfect." He agreed with me. "So, I'll pick you up around 7:40 pm, okay?"

I agreed with my head, giving him a smile back. But instead of Joe moving away from me, he started walking towards me. Slowly, making my heart throb inside my chest. The last thing I saw was his eye just before mine, and then he kissed me.

Like a real kiss. A kiss from the movies, that kind of kiss you say to your children. His lips were soft, his mouth tasted like peppermint. His hands were lost, but he found his way to the place I liked - my waist.

The boy walked away, looking into my eyes soon after. I just couldn't believe it. He smiled, shy, his cheeks turning red at an extreme speed, showing that he was also nervous. Nervous just like me.

"So..." He started talking again, but suddenly stopped. "Sorry, I got lost. I didn't expect this to happen today. Actually, I wanted to, but not in a strange way, you know-

"Joey." I called him by his nickname and saw his eyes getting brighter. "It's okay. I got you. See you at 7:00 at my house?"

He smiled, winking at me. "I'll see you on Tuesday." He smiled again. "We can read our books together after the club.

"It looks like a plan!" It was the last thing I said to him when I turned my back on him.

We separated in the hallway, but as I walked towards the exit, I couldn't stop smiling. I had come to the book club just expecting another quiet afternoon. Instead, I left with the promise of something new—something real. Something real with Joey.

[pumpkinpaix]

You have questions! We might have answers.

What is this collection?

As Maria puts it: this collection is a critical look at some of the things that we, the editors, think have made CQL such a hit around the world. Of course, part of that success comes from the webnovel MDZS and the show CQL themselves—we love the characters, the mystery, and the drama, who doesn’t?! However, the authors in our book also look at topics like translating danmei (both officially and unofficially), adapting danmei for new audiences, and interacting with fandoms and fanworks. The larger argument of the book is that all of these things played a huge role in CQL’s visibility and success, and we wanted to start making those moving pieces visible, especially for audiences who mainly watched CQL in translation.

You keep using the word “academic”—what does that mean, exactly? 

Maria: Ok, not to get pedantic here, but this actually touches on some things that I’m really excited about for the book. Traditionally, academic work is written by people who have a deep expertise in the subject (signified by having a PhD and doing specific kinds of research), and then the work itself is peer-reviewed (i.e., sent to other experts in the field for them to evaluate whether it’s sound, original, and interesting enough to publish, without knowing who wrote it). And both of these things are true about our book—our authors have deep knowledge and the book was peer reviewed—but also. We specifically asked for chapters from younger scholars and from fans who also have deep knowledge about topics that academia doesn’t always know or value enough, and we include an interview from the fan-translator K. who did the Exiled Rebels translation. So the hope is that: this book is academic, and also—more!

Who are you? 

Yue studies adaptation, fantasy, and popular culture texts using a feminist lens. She wrote an early, influential article about danmei adaptations and also has a book about feminist adaptations of Chinese fantasy.

Maria studies fanworks, contemporary fantasy, and genre literature. She’s scrambling to finish her dissertation right now.

How were the chapter spotlights chosen?

Voluntarily! The concept of a small social media promo was kicked around by some of the contributors and those interested in the idea filled out a short interview with what they wanted to share. We'll be posting about 2 introductions and 2 spotlights a day for the next week or so!

Who's running this social media campaign anyway?

Not the publishers! A few enthusiastic collection contributors got together and, with the assistance of the editors, have put this promotion together. We do not in any way represent Peter Lang in an official capacity! We just worked hard and wanted to share. :)

Are you making any money off of royalties from this book? 

LOL not even remotely

What about this promotion?

also no. alas

Where can I find this book? 

You can find our listing on Peter Lang’s website here. As for other retailers, a quick search should turn us up!  

How can I access this book if I cannot buy it from Peter Lang / [book retailer of choice]?

As collection editors and contributors who signed a legal agreement with Peter Lang, we have granted Peter Lang exclusive right and license to edit, adapt, publish, reproduce, distribute, display, and store our contributions, and we must cooperate fully with the Publisher if the Publisher believes a third party is infringing or is likely to infringe copyright in the contribution. 

That being said, these are academic papers, which means that contributors may make copies of the contribution for classroom teaching use! (These copies may not be included in course pack material for onward sale by libraries and institutions). Of course, any linking, collection or aggregation of chapters from the same volume is strictly prohibited.

(FAQ may be updated periodically!) (all posts on Catching Chen Qing Ling)

[crazedear]

Arcane Timebomb fanfic recommendations

Omg! Look who's back after months of inactiveness on tumblr? Honestly I feel like I'm only coming back here after I find smth new to obsess over and need to satiate my cravings for content. It happened with staticradio, and now... TIMEBOMB??

I know I am not the only one who's mind have been taken over by this particular ship after the finale of Arcane season 2. It's one of those ships where its basically canon, but just the confirmation isn't enough to satisfy our hearts without the content along with it.

There is SO many fanarts out already (I am not complaining one bit) and although the Jinx x ekko tag has been growing exponentially on ao3, I haven't seen a lot of recent fanfic recommendation posts yet and I want to change that.

As always, please feel free to recommend me any other fanfic that you think can be added to the list! I want this list to be fully open to those who want to contribute.

To all the times I've dreamt of you

Written by: timebomblover (sibzzz)

Rated T

Words: 1,713 (Oneshot)

In the aftermath of tragedy, Ekko is left haunted by the memory of Jinx—his lost love, his greatest regret, and his deepest mystery. As grief consumes him, the signs begin to appear—whispers in the shadows, echoes in forgotten places, and fragments of a past he refuses to let go of. Could she still be alive? Or is his mind unraveling beneath the weight of what he’s lost? In a journey through pain, obsession, and hope, Ekko searches for the truth, ready to do anything to find out if his lover is truly out there somewhere.

Sunbeams

Written by: Multimousefanatic

Rated T

Words: 5,969 (Complete - Chapters 2/2)

If there had been any doubt in her mind before he said those words, it disappeared faster than Sevika’s arm. “Is that what all this is about? You want to forgive me?”

Like It's the Last Time

Written by: Zeezeepearl

Rated T

Words: 3,727 (Oneshot)

Jinx returns to Zaun, seeking Ekko's help. She has unfinished business, and he has very little time.

Got All Of Your Insides?

Written by: Lunar_Angel

Rated T

Words: 5,597 (Ongoing - Chapters 2/3)

Powder, Vi and Ekko have their last proper conversation. Powder and Ekko finally come clean about some long pent up feelings.

Hold me right here

Written by: kimekosu

Rated T

Words: 6,271 (Oneshot)

Ekko coped with her death by forcing himself to dream of his memories of her. Some were painful, while some reminded him of why he fell for her in the first place.

Then unexpectedly, the Anomaly popped into one of his dreams, offering him a chance to teleport himself right into a memory, where he could possibly alter her fate.

The Heart of Zaun

Written by: 1ts_Br1tney_B1tch

Not rated

Words: 25,286 (Ongoing - Chapters 6/?)

Silco felt wrath, pride, and respect battle within him as he witnessed the small band of Firelights—only 5 members strong, and not much older than children judging by their size—decimate his men and destroy yet another shipment of shimmer. Thousands of gold cogs wasted, money that would have been used to build his empire until it could stand against Piltover's council, and yet as he watched the green streaks through the sky, he couldn't help but think these Firelights were Zaunite to their core. These young rebels embodied the spirit of Zaun almost as much as his own daughter, Jinx.

He glanced down at her now, only to pause at the still expression on her face. Her gaze tracked one of the masked figures unerringly—the leader, if Silco was reading their dynamics right—eyes just a bit too wide, and her fingers twitched by her side. He'd seen her get like this before, when she was confronted with her past.

She knows him.

An idea begins to take shape in Silco's mind.

Or: Silco wants to recruit the Firelights. Too bad they hate his guts.

Genius and Madness

Written by: Malbec

Rated T

Words: 6,266 (Ongoing - Chapters 5/?)

Once Ekko comes back from the alternate universe, he meets Jinx again, only to find her in the verge of suicide. How can he convince her to keep living and stay to create a new life? What did Jinx and Ekko do next?

Taking a leap forward (means leaving a few things behind)

Written by: thefifthchris

Rated T

Words: 12,491 (Ongoing - Chapters 5/9)

Time slows. Four seconds. Ekko shouts. Something is wrong. There’s no time to think. Heimerdinger jumps out of the singularity, and, in his place–

Powder takes the leap.

In another timeline, Piltover tries to rebuild. No Hexgate, no fancy Hextech, nothing. Vi is familiar with this: raw labor, strength as its own language, sweat dripping between her shoulder blades. No, she thinks. There is no time to mourn.

A tale of two sisters. Even worlds apart, they'll still always find each other.

Powder & Ekko (& Timebomb) Collections

Written by: Rhyagelle

Not rated

Words: 158,197 (Ongoing - Chapters 48/?)

This is a collection of various Powder and Ekko themed flashbacks/stories, ranging from one-shots to multi-parts or full part chapters. There will be chapters dealing with just one of them or the other, as well as any kind of Timebomb content (meaning, chapters with both of them, together). It's to dig into the very adorable and dorky friendship the two very clearly possessed, as well as what might have been like for them during their childhood, before everything turned to shit. And yes, if it's not clear, there will be Ekko x Powder! It's just not the ONLY focus (but it is in my heart <3).

(I didn't find this fanfic myself and I actually got it from @lady-griffin's Timebomb recommendation post from 2 years ago. This was just one of my favs from their list I just had to include it in a more recent post so more people can see it. Please go check out her own list)

The Risk of Fall

Written by: Sapphic_Jezus

Rated T

Words: 9,891 (Ongoing - Chapters 2/?)

“Vi.” Mylo or Claggor—it doesn’t matter who—speaks up, and Vi turns to them, her panic spilling into the room.

“We can’t just leave her,” Claggor says evenly, his voice steady as a rock. He meets her eyes, unflinching. “She’s not safe here either. If they come for her…”

Or; What if they didn't just leave Ekko and Powder behind?

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I know, I know, It's very short, dont come for me. I'm tryna focus on quality more than quantity yall, gimme time to load up my arsenal!

Anyways yeh! feel free to recommend me stuff to add, it can be anywhere, from ao3, wattpad, fanfic.net, etc. go crazy.

[shegatsby]

Hello

Could I request this idea where Hannibal goes to see the “Swan Lake” ballet and becomes obsessed with the reader who plays the swan queen

Let me know what you think of the idea

A/N: Hi!!! Thank you for this request. Thanks to you I've watched the Black Swan on youtube here is the link;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rJoB7y6Ncs&t=1561s

this is the old version ofc. Love you all xxx

Doctor Hannibal Lecter climbed out of his car and headed towards to the building. Tonight was a special night because he was going to see The Swan Lake, it was a big production and last time he watched it was in Italy, this time he was in Baltimore, Maryland due to his work. He was excited for tonight, he liked being among high society, he was a classist who believed that people who belong to the upper class should have the higher power in politics and other aspects of life. He had grown up in this environment and to his bones he felt a sophisticated gentleman. He was well educated, he had a profound knowledge of art and literature, he respected all his life and he rewarded himself with treats such as opera nights or ballet such as tonight.

He was wearing his tuxedo, black and white with a dark red handkerchief on his jacket’s pocket. He slowly approached to the building, the entrance had red carpet, the doors with golden handles were opened for him, he smiled kindly to the workers. ‘’May I see your ticket?’’ the young lady at the front desk, ‘’Here you go.’’ He liked having tickets, or tangible things in his life. He liked living analog, of course he didn’t denied how technology made his life easier than before. ‘’You may proceed.’’ The lady smiled but didn’t reach her eyes, most workers had the same expression due to the fact that they worked minimum wage or even under. It was the way of the world, some were more fortunate than others.

The seats were dark red, he took his place. He looked around to see the dress code, everyone wore clothes accordingly which pleased him. He took a certain joy in order and people following it. The upper class he belonged to had always followed rules like these but for the other… they were the ones who would like to be ‘’different’’ and rebel against the system.

He crossed his legs as the lights dimmed and curtain opened, as soon as the music hit his ears he smiled to himself. The seat next to his was empty, for a split second he envisioned a woman next to him, wearing a dress he had chosen for her…. No. he stopped himself and focused on the stage.

Soon the Queen Swan entered the stage and Hannibal felt his breath hitching at his throat, she was wearing the same white dress as other women but she had a dark red feather sticking from her tied hair, she was the queen and they needed to show it to the audience. Her movements on stage were so elegant, without realizing Hannibal leaned forward on his seat, he couldn’t believe his dark eyes, she had total control of her delicate body which he admired and found it very powerful.

When the first act ended he immediately got his phone, ordered a bouquet of black and white tulips that had a red rose in the middle. He wanted the bouquet to represent the Black Swan and also the Queen Swan. He also wrote a note and asked the delivery guy to bring it to the Queen’s dressing room.

The ballet lasted for an hour and half, later he was approached by the director of the ballet, Lisa-Macuja Elizalde, he bowed in front of her. ‘’For an hour and 30 minutes I have experienced pure bliss. Thank you so much for your contribution Madame.’’ He kissed her hand, the woman smiled with pride. ‘’You’re welcome Sir. I’ve heard that you had sent flowers to our queen. Would you like to meet her?’’ with this question he couldn’t hide the grin he had. ‘’I would love to.’’

‘’Follow me please.’’

He followed her to the back stage, it was crowded, together they approached a door which didn’t have her name on it, on the door it said ‘’The Queen Swan’’ was she show off? Only one way to find out. Madame knocked on the door and they heard a soft voice say ‘’Come in.’’

She was sitting in front of the mirror, her make-up off, she had a long satin black nightgown, her hair was still tied with the dark red feather sticking out. She got up with a swift move, turned to them. ‘’Doctor Lecter?’’ she asked because the note she had on flowers had his name. ‘’Yes,’’ he extended his hand which she gladly took. ‘’I would love to learn the name of this enchanting Swan Queen, If you don’t mind of course.’’ He kissed her hand, ‘’Y/N, Y/L/N.’’

‘’Y/N… such a unique name.’’ he praised, ‘’Thank you.’’

Hannibal was an observant man and during this interaction he carefully watched her, Madame Lisa-Macuja Elizalde left them alone she excused herself because she had to attend to some of the dancers.

Hannibal and Y/N sat on the velvet couch and talked about ballet, classical music and fine arts. He never had such an elite and uplifting conversation with anyone and at the back of his dark mind he could hear his wicked thoughts such as;

Where does she live?

Is her home safe?

Most importantly… does she have a partner?

How long has she been performing?

Hannibal, deep down, knew that it was over for them both because she belonged to him now. He was going to make sure she had no one to go to but him at the end.

Thank you for reading. :)

[iwillbringyouruin]

Visions Magazine with Tobias Forge on the idea behind Rite Here Rite Now, the importance of soundtracks in general and how he distinguishes between himself and his characters (Visions Magazine issue nr. 377, 08/2024)

Full translation of the included interview by me below the cut - buckle up, this is a long post! There are no spoilers for RHRN in this.

Markus Hockenbrink: Tobias, have you ever watched the movie Metallica: Though The Never?

Tobias Forge: Yes, once, when it had just come out. The topic Metallica came up when we were taking care of the funding for [RHRN]. Every larger production company – and I have to emphasise here that this was before Taylor Swift’s The Eras Tour and her extremely successful movie about it – voiced a lot of concern back then whether anybody would still be interested in concert movies. I had to explain time and again that my movie wouldn’t be a typical concert movie, to which I was asked several times: “Oh, so something like Through The Never?” I had to deny that again. We tell a story in our movie most of our fans are already familiar with. So it’s not an entirely new concept, which is already the first distinction from Through The Never. If you only consider that there is a concert part and a feature film part, then those two movies are probably similar. But that also applies to La La Land.

M. Hockenbrink: You describe your movie as a combination of Kiss’ Alive II, Ralph Bakshi cartoons and silent film horror. Is that a kind of childhood dream that comes true there?

T. Forge: Definitely. For as long as I’ve been interested in music, I’ve also been interested in film and television. Working in film could have also been a career option for me, but I always got the rather annoying impression that one would have to go to film school to really find a place in that field. School was never my strong suit, I see myself more as a autodidact in that regard. That I had the opportunity to work on/contribute to my own movie as a sorcerer’s apprentice of sorts is a real privilege. That is a dream come true but it is also something I can picture more of in the future. Next time maybe without the band.

M. Hockenbrink: Can you remember a specific moment in your life when you realised that you were especially drawn to topics that are slightly morbid and unsettling?

T. Forge: I think that due to my family I came in contact with vastly different kinds of pop culture from a very young age. In more traditional families with more conservative parents and siblings of similar ages, you only really start with your respective journey to find yourself in your teens. Then there are often restrictions that are meant to distract from those darker influences. My parents on the other hand are very liberal and my brother was 13 years older than me. There were never limits or censorship for me. My childhood didn’t go by without rules entirely, but I was always allowed to watch or listen to what my brother was also watching or listening to. That way I was exposed to all kinds of teenage culture from the beginning. Sure, I also liked Pippi Longstocking and He-Man. But that was always combined with the French arthouse films my mother liked to watch or the horror flicks my brother was into. I can’t recall a particularly striking horror film experience, but I still remember the first time it dawned on me that movies don’t just exist, they’re made.

M. Hockenbrink: How do you mean?

T. Forge: My father worked as a documentary maker in television. His job was to connect the video track and the sound track in a fitting way for different film production. I saw Jaws on television with him as a small child. It’s important to note that my father is not somebody who can just quietly enjoy films but somebody who likes to butt in. Thanks to him I already had a kind of epiphany during the introduction. He said: “Look closely! There is nothing to see in this underwater scenery except the algae. Technically completely harmless. But it only takes the ominous music to turn the whole scene into pure horror already!” And I thought: Wow! That’s true! Later in the movie you only have to hear that music and it immediately puts you on edge, even when there’s nobody in the water right now. They don’t even have to show the shark anymore. I found it fascinating that the [viewer’s] senses/perception could be manipulated like that. Ever since, I’ve been viewing films with different eyes. I can still allow myself to dive into the story but at the same time I see the practical aspect to film-making.

M. Hockenbrink: I had a similar feeling during the introduction of Shining: technically a cozy road trip in the mountains, but a pure nightmare with the music.

T. Forge: I’m with you on that. Shining is one of the best movies of all time. And funnily enough, only the intro sequence was actually shot in nature. All the other scenes, even if they were outside, were filmed in the studio. Exactly that kind of craftsmanship is what I find inspiring.

M. Hockenbrink: With that in mind, what makes a good soundtrack in your opinion?

T. Forge: We already talked about Jaws, but I can think of Eyes Wide Shut as another example. There is that short piano theme that comes up again and again, incredibly effective. A good soundtrack needs to deliver something that you don’t have to be able to see to perceive its existence. Sure, there are no monsters in Eyes Wide Shut, aside from the main character’s jealousy as an internal monster maybe. But just like the music in Jaws, the theme from Eyes Wide Shut symbolises something that doesn’t have to be shown. The sound is enough. That is also a commonly used effect in adventure and love movies. You just put in a short vignette to describe the love between two characters. In Star Wars, Luke Skywalker also has his own theme, that is used every time when things get emotional and you’re supposed to feel that hope. You’ve got to pay attention to that. Jason Voorhees from Friday the 13th also has a personal theme to recognise him by. Every time you hear it you immediately know “Oh shit, he’s nearby!”

M. Hockenbrink: What about soundtracks that are made up of songs?

T. Forge: With that, I’m especially thinking of Silence of the Lambs. In the scene where Buffalo Bill dresses up as a woman and dances around his basement, a song called Goodbye Horses by Q Lazzarus is playing. I have no idea how the artist felt about that since the song is now so irrevocably connected to that awful scene, that you can’t listen to it anymore without thinking of it.

M. Hockenbrink: Do you feel like soundtrack work is more appreciated now than it used to be?

T. Forge: I think that it’s definitely gained importance over the last 40 years. The right song on the right soundtrack can be incredibly powerful. Just think of Stranger Things. Obviously, Metallica and Kate Bush already had successful careers before, but what happened with Master of Puppets and Running Up That Hill following the series was something else entirely. The songs were associated so strongly with the narrative, that way more people listened to them than before. Of course I’m a strong advocate for live music but I also realised that nothing is as strong as the connection of visuals and music. That is still the most powerful way to appeal to a deeper emotion through the association.

M. Hockenbrink: More or less a shortcut to the subconscious.

T. Forge: Exactly. But you can’t be cynical about that either. If I was an A&R person at a big label, I would probably also say: “You just have to find a spot for one of your songs on a popular soundtrack, then you’ll have made it!” That’s really how it is. But when you view it from an artistic perspective, when you want to reach people a certain way or bring across a certain message or a certain feeling, the combination of visuals and sound can’t be topped.

M. Hockenbrink: It especially lends itself to an immersive experience, as seems to be in the foreground of [RHRN]. An album by Black Sabbath or Iron Maiden ends at some point, then you’re gone from that metal world again. With Ghost, however, you get the feeling that the illusion just keeps on going, across several media. Did you plan the Ghost mythology like this from the start?

T. Forge: In part. When I started with the band, I only wanted to make a standalone album. The concept was supposed to be interesting and practical, but I wasn’t planning for Ghost to be a huge thing. The style I pictured has its own limits in my opinion. The band was supposed to function a certain way and appeal to a certain target audience. The concert was supposed to be a theatrical performance in the literal sense. Ghost were never supposed to perform in a normal rock club nor go on tour. I wanted more of a kind of Vaudeville show in a proper plushy theatre. The band was supposed to be as anonymous as the actors that stand on stage and play, say, Faust. The idea behind this was: Those who don’t know who the people are on stage are more ready to follow the story. Then we would perform three days back-to-back in select cities. Berlin, Amsterdam, London. Just like Diamanda Galás who can more likely be found at a culture festival than in a rock shack. But things turned out differently in the end, and I had to kiss my original ideas goodbye again, so to speak.

M. Hockenbrink: Why?

T. Forge: After the success of our debut album, it became clear to me that more conventional concerts were going to be demanded of us and that I could only really say yes or no. This problem became worse after our shift to a bigger label. It became clear that my vision of telling stories clashed with the live sector and requirements for success more and more. At a certain point anonymity doesn’t work anymore and I had to make peace with that in the end.  I originally didn’t even want to do interviews but that’s obviously tricky when you want to sell records. The question that I constantly ask myself since is how I can do those things best in the Ghost way without denying the original Vaudeville spirit.

M. Hockenbrink: In his autobiography Golf Monster, Alice Cooper talks about himself in third person a lot when he is talking about his character. Are you feeling similarly at this point?

T. Forge: At least I can definitely see where he’s coming from. There is a difference between the person Vincent Furnier and the character Alice Cooper. I believe that he was on the verge of completely transforming into Alice Cooper at one point – to the point where one has to decide where they want to live or die. In the end he decided to remain Vincent Furnier and only become Alice Cooper for work, on stage. So far I’ve been fortunate to combine the two pretty well, but had I started Ghost ten years earlier in my life, it would have probably affected me similarly to how Alice Cooper did with Vincent Furnier in his time. But with my humble experience as an actor I have to say: every character you play becomes a part of you to a certain extent. You have to find certain qualities – good or bad – within yourself to bring such a character to life. I think that most actors only play one or two roles throughout their life that they then end up being known for. The different characters that I’ve portrayed on stage are not only very similar but actually also a part of me. Fortunately a part of me that I don’t want to deal with all day long.

M. Hockenbrink: Too cynical and antisocial?

T. Forge: Cardinal Copia or Cardi, as I like to call him, is not an all-around cool person, but that makes him so fun to play for me. He is half Freddie Mercury and half Jacques Clouseau. Kind of clumsy, kind of silly, kind of stupid. The kind of guy who trips over his own feet but catches himself elegantly. That’s also me in a way, but not just. And I think that’s easier to embody than a daredevil hero character who can rival anyone and gets all the ladies. When somebody plays only those characters their whole life, it will probably really go to their head. Especially when there are drugs involved on top of that.

M. Hockenbrink: With all that fondness of doom that can be found with Ghost, that universe also has something humorous about it, benign even. It that an intentionally included contradiction?

T. Forge: Yes, and it is also very important to me that it comes across like that. For me that also has something to do with the evolution of metal. Originally it was mostly a phenomenon connected to the youth, nowadays the musicians and their fans are close to retiring. That brings a certain maturity. Even the Norwegian black metal musicians who were super pissed and extreme 30 years ago and were only made of hate and aggression are well-adjusted people now. Bearded fathers and grandfathers with a pleasant view on life that make others laugh. I see a certain duality there. Everything that has something to do with goth, with metal, with horror, appears dark, dismal and hostile at first. But in reality, that can all be extremely life-affirming and a source of great joy for many people. So pretty much the opposite.

M. Hockenbrink: Speaking of horror: could you imagine making a real feature film some day?

T. Forge: Yes, I would love that. I’m well aware that it’s not going to be easy to make what I’m picturing a reality, just because I’ve done directing once with [RHRN] now. The creative liberty I got to enjoy there also was due to the fact that I funded the movie myself. So nobody was meddling with it. That is likely completely different when you work on behalf of a big studio, because we are talking about different sums here. If I only go off my dreams, I would name two points of reference. One is Shining, the other Bram Stoker’s Dracula by Francis Ford Coppola. I would like to make a movie that’s only shot in a studio, with elaborate sets, matte painting and all that. No outside shots, no special effects, no green screen. And no actors who only gets to see what they were actually doing after the fact. Proper old-school. The way movies are actually meant to look.