#it's very weird to see them so.. idk. bare???
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I see the points people are making that “addiction” is maybe not the ideal model to discuss this, but I also am very sympathetic to the idea that some people have problems with compulsive porn/masturbation to the point that it’s detrimental for them. I’d never claim there’s a chemical dependency as in, eg, smoking or cocaine use or something.
We need a simple word for “habit that has negative effects on my life, but which I don’t seem to have the self-control to eliminate”. Calling it addiction was/is supposed to encourage efforts to help people stop, but all it’s seemed to do is spawn the growth of weird evangelical 12-step programs for being horny.
I want to be horny, if anything, I’d like to be much *more* horny, that’s why I’m trying to quit watching porn.
for reference (and why this is on anon) I’ve probably jerked off 1-3 times a day, every day, for like 10 years, this isn’t a case of catholic guilt over mild sexual behavior. I have a very hard time staying aroused, I have a hard time even getting aroused, and I have a hard time finishing without fairly intense stimulation. If I take 1-2 weeks off of porn (challenge level, nearly impossible) I see improvements in these areas.
Several years ago, I made it almost 6 weeks, and by the end of it, I was firing on all cylinders like I was 19 again. Sadly, it apparently wasn’t the sole issue. I went to the club, picked up a woman, I got hard when we were dancing, I got hard when we were making out outside the bar, but when we were in my car and she put her hand on me, my guy was nowhere to be found. She went home by herself, I went home and was so horny I was able to get 110% hard and jerk off purely from my mind. Idk where that energy was when it counted, sadly.
Weirdly, taking a break from orgasming but continuing to watch porn often actually makes it worse. I tried edging for 8-10 days once, and by the end of it, I could barely get hard for my favorite types of video.
I’m in my late 20s now, and I know some things slow down, but I thought I was still a bit young for this type of thing. The problem is that I just can’t stop scrolling porn on twitreddit. When I’m bored, porn, when I’m lonely, porn, when I’m anxious, porn (and I’m anxious a lot).
A few months ago, I made it a week, and I was buzzing and confident, but then I backslid and went back to my old habits. It was nice while it lasted, I’d deeply missed feeling that little twitch of arousal from a random thought or from flirting with a pretty stranger. I feel neutered these days, there’s no hunger anymore.
I don’t think I’m anti-sex, really. I’ve only felt guilt from casual or relationship sex a couple of times, and my guilt from masturbation has more to do with frustration that I know it’s bad for me than with some idea of moral inferiority.
sorry if this is insane.
I really just want to stop watching porn so I can try to start dating or sleeping with people again, not much point when I’m 97% afraid my cock won’t work. It might not medically be an addiction, but for me it’s definitely a self-destructive habit.
sounds like a bunch of different things going on here. for one habituating yourself to a very specific kind of stimulus can make it hard to get off in other ways--one approach that seems to work for some people who are in a similar boat (especially men who are used to jerking off with a firm grip) is to vary how you masturbate, use different kinds of stimulus, and learn to come in other ways. masturbation provides a very close feedback loop between stimulus and response, in a way that is always going to be very different from partnered sex--most people who masturbate regularly can make them come much more quickly that way, even if they find, in absolute terms, sex with a partner to be much more pleasurable.
(an important component in re-habituating yourself like that is not to fall back on the technique that works when you get frustrated and can't come, which is why it can be difficult for some people to manage)
separately from this, having trouble maintaining an erection with a new partner is also a thing lots of men report, regardless of how much porn they look at--sometimes you get nervous! it's easy to get nervous with a new partner! this is why god invented oral sex and fingering. that kind of picking-up-a-stranger-at-a-club casual sex works well for some people, but it sure doesn't work for everybody. and because arousal and erections are heavily dependent on state of mind, being nervous about being able to get an erection can, unfortunately, make it harder to get and maintain an erection. so there's a feedback loop there that can be pretty hard to break.
thirdly, if the only filler in your life is porn--if you spend a lot of time bored or anxious with nothing to fill those gaps other than porn--it sounds like a big problem here might just be boredom or anxiety, fundamentally. i don't know you, so i'm speculating, but maybe you need hobbies, or more of a social life, or are having issues with low-grade depression that getting out of the house more would help with. and if you're fixated on porn as the cause of these issues rather than just a symptom, you're also going to be struggling with the self-esteem hit of falling back into the habit of looking at porn, which is happening because, well, you're bored and anxious and you have nothing else that helps you deal with that feeling.
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the boys straight out of simripper vs. after i mess w them in blender
#they're actually bald straight out of simripper but#i thought i would spare you all of that#it's very weird to see them so.. idk. bare???#without shaders? & details?#dhestyn looks so pale. like. sickly pale.#idk why blender always washes him out so bad#obviously i figured out how to fix that now but like. man.#& kel just looks flat#like absolutely 2D#it's actually been so long since i've seen them straight out of simripper that i forgot what they look like#i did not realize i changed them that much#it's been mostly gradual changes over time & like. tweaking things here & there#but wow it adds up#rainyrambles
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Time for another dream i had, this time about zutara.
This one is a lot shorter, but essentially I had a dream where kataras whole family(which seemed to have more members then in the show) all live in the fire nation, hiding the fact that they're water tribe(rather, they were water tribe).
Katara is in some sort of relationship with zuko. It's unclear if she's his wife, his girlfriend, or his mistress, but its not hidden. People know about her and her relationship with him.
(Putting the rest under a cut so I don't clog up the feed lol)
If she was his mistress it's kinda held in that way that kings had other women they'd sleep with along with their queen and it was just an accepted, albeit kinda shitty, thing to do.
Anyway, katara is also pregnant, which was kind of an underlying "plot point" and would return home to her family every day to check on them.
It's revealed here that katara is basically the only reason her family is doing pretty well for themselves. Her relationship with zuko means that they have enough to get by. It's also noted that her whole family(katara, sokka, their dad, their grandma, and some made up new family members) all live in one house. So its clear they're still kind of struggling.
It's also revealed, through a conversation with her grandma, that the only otehr reason katara is with zuko, is because it was part of a bigger plan. She and her family are part of a resistance against the fire nation, and when they realized zuko liked katara, wanted her to infiltrate and pretend to be in love with him.
The plan had clearly gone on longer then anticipated, for whatever reason, and katara is conflicted because she actually does have feelings for him now, not fo mention she's pregnant with his child.
There's a "scene" either at the beginning or after this reveal that shows zuko in a meeting with other fire nation officials, including his father and sister, and that either he was against one of their plans but is ignored or his plan gets shut down(I don't remember which). Katara always sits in on these meetings with him, and afterwards, as everyone is getting up to leave, she leans her forehead against his and whispers that everything will be alright. This is why we can tell she truly does care about him, to some degree. But it's also a moment showing potential manipulation, like shes pretending to care. It's supposed to be a little of both, she needs him to trust her but she does still love him.
After all of this, we cut to a scene in a forest/swamp. This part is kind of blurry in my head, but basically, it's a secret meeting. Katara is dressed similarly to the painted lady, her and a few other resistance members, including Sokka, Suki, and Hakoda, are planning an ambush on Zuko and his family, who are supposed to travel down a path nearby. Katara is a key part of this plan, as she's the only waterbender, and she knows this. She nods along to everything regarding the plan and she goes over important points herself as well. But as everyone else continues talking, katara is having doubts. She loves Zuko. She's about to have his child. She cares for him. But she needs to free the world from the fire nations clutches as well. She doesn't want to kill Zuko, but she has to in order to help others. She's hesitating.
They continue with the plan anyway, and through the foliage that katara and the others are hiding in, we see a carriage making its way down the path. Zuko and his family(or at least his father) are in there.
Everyone is getting ready to fight, to jump out and attack. We see a close up shot of Katara, conflicted. She's still not sure if she can go through with this, if she can kill Zuko.
And then I woke up.
#i was disappointed with the cliffhanger too I KNOW#it was a super interesting dream though#i guess in this world aang doesn’t exist??? idk. dream logic.#but i fell in lpve with this idea afterwards#the whole dream had this sort of dreary tone#the war meeting scene was at night so it was dark. and fire was the only thing lighting up their faces#katara leaning her head against zukos felt like it held heavier implications then we saw#when we see where katara and her family live it felt very poverty stricken. crowded with barely any furniture. a tired air hung around them#the scene planning the ambush felt very heavy with what they were about to do + with kataras own reluctance.#like the decision was already made even though it wasn't#ANYWAY idk if this even makes any sense#i wrote this when i woke up that morning and then finished up the rest today lol#i didn’t proofread shit though so sorry for any weird phrasing or typos lol#i just wanted to share another wild dream i had#this was a fun one lol#might wrote a fanfic about it one day#and if you want to write a fic absed off my dream PLEASE DO#i just wanted to share the idea with teh zutara fandom#i figured yall would appreciate it like i did❤️#zutara#avatar the last airbender#atla zuko#zuko#atla katara#katara#idk what else to tag lol#aml speaks#aml dreams
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#really randomly fell down a weird rabbit hole today#i was watching the X-Files and finally felt like reading up on david duchovny#like i see u fellow slav what kind of slav are you#so i opened up his wikipedia article and saw that his dad was jewish and from ukraine and went like AHA WE ARE THE SAME#and just out of curiosity looked up the place he's from because im curious about jewish shtetls in the ukraine#because my whole family except my biological father is from several of them and i thought hey maybe they were neighbors#which they fucking are omg theyre just 20km apart#my greatgreatgrandma is from makhnivka which i even found articles and history about and how the jewish population grew & declined#even though i did not find any steinbergs in the archives#anyway when i read up on Berdychiv where duchovnys family is from it said#early settlement by the Chernyakhov Culture#which was an archeological culture between 200 and 500 CE existing at the same time as the roman empire#....... is this how i finally find out where my name is from??????? like?????????#i wish i knew so much more than i do#like i only found out that im not russian i was just born in russia like 7 years ago or so??? because my mom never tells me anything#all the information about my great great grandparents and where theyre from is from my grandma#and her dementia is really bad now and shes just angry and screams and calls people names#my russian is too bad to properly read up on stuff like that and theres barely anything in english or german#i just want to know idk#but genetic testing is too expensive and also very america centric and the only family i have in the us is super conservative#i had to block them on facebook when my grandma made me write to them once over 10 years agl#and i know a huge chunk of my grandmas family moved to israel too so i dont want anything to do with that either#although id be curious if it would actually find my half siblings i found out about also like 8 years ago#i just wish there were more archives and more people i could talk to about this#on my grandfathers side theres nothing really left#my grandfather passed suddenly and apparently before he did he took ALL THE FAMILY PHOTOS AND DOCUMENTS somewhere to maybe digitalise them#but we dont know where so theyre literally gone for ever#but his whole family was from kiev and is apparently named after this culture era#his dad was a higher up at a sugar factory and i still cant find anything#my grandma had so many cousins and they were so interconnected and knew so much and i literally just have my mom and no one else
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not to sound like an evil hater but I looove it when you dislike someone and then everyone else ends up agreeing with you
#this is about a girl I've known for years and never liked#for many reasons but i will summarize#to start she's always acted like she's better than me and acts like talking to me is charity work or whatever#but she chooses to talk to me I would never willingly do that lol#and then eventually she had a weird crush on my older brother. weird bc of an illegal age difference and he had a gf at the time#she also had a bf for part of this. yet she would always flirt with him and also started treating me weird#like she was mad at me for being closer with my brother than she was???? bizarre#ANYWAYS. more recent news#she started dating one of my friends who is a very sweet guy and everything#and then he broke up with her bc she cheated. she says she didn't cheat and he's projecting#dude barely talks to women so idk who he supposedly cheated with. but anyway. she had a new bf like a week later#and thennnn. she posted a pic with her new bf like happy 3 months. a pic of them cuddling on a couch#except the pic said 4 months ago. she was dating my friend at the time. hmmmmmm#she literally posted evidence that she cheated 😭😭😭 but good news! now people are finally agreeing with me that she's terrible#also I recently found out that she blocks men from seeing her story whenever she posts a pic of a bf. who does that#like the whole point of posting your bf is so everyone knows you're taken#but nowww my brother and our mutual friends and whatnot have finally decided to dislike her! which means yayyy I don't have to see her#Sera
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ough nightmare. I swear I’ve had this game guy appear in my nightmares before and that actually scares me
#big clown statue guy that holds a fost out at you to tell you what kind of game you’re playing. it’s easy usually. at least dream me knows#most of the answers and the person i’m with knows the rest. it’s an old and filthy statue but it looks alive. very cool. kind of like a#vending machine? like the clown looks like that. certain rules change depending on how he stands or what his face looks like and how he hold#the fist up. i don’t know what the threat of failing the game is#scaryyyy stuff kinda cool though. this dream was weird#mielmbles#I haven’t had an apocalypse like dream in a while#there were like a lot of clowns in it for some reason but they weren’t important just a part of the city#like ppl were just dressed like that and huge but a lot of them were also cardboard cutouts.#there was a blond kis driving us for whatever reason and a silly threat on his life because he drank a contaminated boba drink that was#literally just water and boba. it was mean for dream me or no this girl I was taking care of? who was terminally sick with something weird.#random girls wanted us dead for some reason. cuz I fought and beat them I think? in breakdancing? or something to do with a guy#there was a train and we were trying to get back people we had lost like idk how they were lost and it was multiple reality stuff. some kids#i knew from elementary were there. god there was so much going on I feel like I barely scratched what the hell happened but I also can’t#like remember what happened. kinda fun. really scary. the place we kept returning to had running water and I could go online to see what ppl#were posting about the apocalypse. the blond kid missed water. apparently just had juice. then he asked for sleepytime tea which I said we#had the peach version and I told him he could go to the house anytime he wanted. or something.#he was a really bad driver. like leg on the steering wheel and looking at the passenger while having a convo#hate that dreams plant fake memories in my head. I don’t actually know if i’ve dreamt the clown guy before#it feels like I have but that was also what the dream called for. yk? familiarity.
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'bad financial decisions' is my middle name
#aria talkz#if i see a deal on a game i want thats like 10 or under and its like 30-60 regularly. im gunna get it#mk11 ultimate was on sale for 9 dollars but SPECIFICALLY on fucking. the switch for some reason? And not steam.#God help me. If it goes on sale for the same price on steam ill get it there too bc i cant imagine switch plays as good.#my fixation with shao kahn and mk as a franchise has gone too far . i am now buying fighting games .#idk if its still supported like. it has to be to some degree right. bc its only one release before the current game ( mk1 ) but like. Idkk.#i just want to see him. my husband . shao kahn . my awful taste in men. please. god. [ starts sobbing#mauybe if i find some good deals on like. bundles of games like older arcade era fighters ill get them too#bc i was always fascinated by the art and character design of them ESP DARKSTALKERS. it has such good animation. good lord#some streetfighter games too like third strike ... i used to think SF was a very... basic but technologically sound fighter#but it does also have some wacky ass characters and animations#AND THIS WAS ALL JUST DUE TO LOOKING AT ESHOP DEALS ONE MORNING. I BARELY BUY SHIT OFF ESHOP.#IT WAS JUST ON SALE THERE AND NOWHERE ELSE ANDI M LIKE. ???? OKAY...?#ive had a very weird and scarce history with fighting games having all of the mk n64 games ( including mythologies ) and. idk#a few naruto ninja storms? but i never played them bc a; mk scared the fuck out of me b; i didnt know fighting games c; i was way younger.#so i just watched my brother. and i was gifted blazblue crosstag bc it had yosuke in it but didnt like fighters so i barely played
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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2023 reads / storygraph
The Poisons We Drink
YA urban fantasy
a girl who brews powerful potions is coerced into making potions to interfere with D.C.’s most influential politicians in an attempt to stop a dangerous Witcher Registration Act from passing, and will do anything to protect her sister after their mother is killed
bi MC, nonbinary love interest
arc from netgalley
#The Poisons We Drink#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#this is…….a lot of cool ideas but also so many elements and high stakes that i kinda lost track of them#the pacing is weird. the worldbuilding is random?#why is brewing SO overpowered & risky for her but the other powers seem to have pretty normal low-scale risks?#it’s definitely ambitious and has some cool ideas and also some great characters just. didn’t execute as well as I’d like#as much as we’re told the main threat is the government trying to put through a Registration Act#most of the actual antagonism we see is from other Witchers?#like the systemic discrimination got a bit lost in the witcher family drama and murder politics#important things to say about oppression and police violence but like....idk#she has this ‘deviation’- essentially evil sentient magic inside her head (and you KNOW I love that trope)#but it’s barely explained and very underutilised? other than helping her get out of bad situations you could take it out & would barely#change anything#also it’s explained at the start that she’s an empath but other than the very occasional mention I kept forgetting#will also note that I bumped this up my tbr because I saw the author talking/promoting it as the MCs sister being aroace but no mention#maybe it’ll come up in a sequel (there weren’t really any places where it would have made sense to bring it up here) but idk#(just the way the author was asking for advice on how to write an ace character and stuff you’d assume that they’d….put that in the book?)#not really a critique of the book itself but anyway. I really wanted to like this but the way it was put together just did not vibe with me#edit: I saw the author say on twitter that the version used for ARCs was before ace stuff was added and that there's other signif changes?#so perhaps that will be there! i'm not sure if I want to read it again but might skim just to see what that's about
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to freeze or to thaw (joel miller x f!reader)
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a/n idk what this is. it's very short and kinda weird but when inspiration strikes you just gotta go with it lmao. pls read the warnings! and here's my kofi if you'd like to support me. summary: joel stole you away to be his special girl. rating: 18+ explicit warnings: dark!joel, mentions of past dubcon & coercion, daddy kink, ddlg dynamic, unprotected p in v sex, praise kink, pet names (use of 'little one') lap sitting, riding, thumb sucking, snow sex, creampie, squirting, crying word count: 1.5k
No one can see you amidst the thick brush of greenery; he hides you like a secret behind the shelter of trees and freshly fallen snow, quiet and careful.
He always holds you so close, loose and malleable in his lap, large hands crowding your small form. You feel safe and warm there despite the biting cold, the unforgiving wind. His cock is so big inside of you, pumping slow and rhythmic while he plays with your hair, whispers praises, rubs your back.
You whimper and whine, can't help it, can never help it. He feels so good, so warm and thick and so so so deep inside your body that sometimes you feel you might cry. No one's ever made you feel this way, no one's ever been so deep, left you feeling so full, so whole.
He slips his thumb past your lips, watches with those dark and familiar eyes as you take him easily and languidly, cheeks hollowing and tongue pressing firm against his skin. He holds it there for just a moment, stills you on his cock and waits for you to slowly begin to suck, eyes closing.
"That's my good girl," he murmurs, deep and rough, "Daddy's girl."
The words are filthy but you're used to them by now, love the way they sound slipping past his lips. You haven't known him very long, maybe a month at most - you'd gotten separated from your previous group, hoped to find them again and found his instead. He'd welcomed you with open arms, promised he'd take care of you, keep you safe. Within the first few days you already belonged to him somehow, felt the pull toward him like a magnetic pulse, an ache you couldn't articulate.
Your rescuer, your savior.
And then he'd snuck into your tent on the third night, covered your mouth and slipped his big hand inside your nightdress. You'd stared wide eyed and unsure as he'd slowly rubbed your clit with his thick fingers, slipped one inside to the knuckle and whispered that everything would be okay, that he was just keeping his promise, just taking care of you. You'd mumbled only a vague protest, lost beneath the weight of his palm, and before long he'd had you crying on his cock while he praised you softly and called you his girl, Daddy's girl. Crowding your space, crossing all boundaries. And you let him.
You don't really know how or why he chose you, just know that now you would do anything, say anything, be anything he asked. And you do. You're a warm mouth for him in the early mornings, a wet cunt for him when darkness falls, a pliant doll in his lap whenever he needs relief. His special girl.
He starts to fuck up into you again, leans his back against the haggard bark of the tree and watches your face, your expression. His thumb moves at the same pace as his hips, pumping slowly in and out of your mouth while his fat cock eases in and out of you with barely any strain. Your thighs are bare, your jeans and panties folded neatly in the snow nearby, and yet you aren't cold.
"Bounce on it for me," he tells you - an order.
You do as he tells you, as you always do. You start to bounce, brows furrowing in pleasure as your cunt squeezes around the length of him, repeatedly finds a home at the base of his cock where your clit twitches against the dark and coarse hair there. He leans forward and noses your cheek, keeps his eyes on your face as he eases his thumb in and out.
"So full o'me," he says, voice softer now, "Made to take this cock, huh? Made just for me."
You whimper around his thumb and he just smiles lazily, kisses your cheek gently while his other hand palms your back, rubs it soothingly like he's easing you to sleep. The tip of his cock pulses deliciously against your cervix with every bounce and you can't help but cry out when it hits that special place deep within that only he knows how to reach.
"Shhh," he hushes, pulling you close and bringing his lips to your ear, hand still firm at your back, "It's okay, shhh, doin' so good for me. So good. Just a little longer."
You whimper again and he just shushes you once more, pushes his thumb further inside and lets you suck. It's so big in your mouth, taking up more space than you ever could imagine, clouding your senses, soothing the ache in your pussy. You stop bouncing then, when his hand travels back down to your waist and he starts fucking into you, hips thrusting upward. You moan around his thumb and he gives you a look of sympathy.
"I know," he murmurs, "I know, little one." His fingers tremble slightly against the side of your face, the tip of his thumb pressing against the back of your tongue. Your eyes flutter closed, another breathy sound falling from your lips as you feel yourself start to gag.
He pulls his thumb out of your mouth before you do, and you open your eyes to see him peering at you with that dark, gluttonous stare. The one he gave you on the night he found you, like he already owned you. Like he'd already decided what you were made for.
His thumb, soaked with your saliva, finds its way to your clit. He rubs it softly, slowly, watches your expression as you start to come completely undone. Tears sting your eyes and you clench tightly around his cock, mouth still open, drool spilling down your chin.
"Daddy," you whimper, fists clenching and banging fruitlessly against his chest, afraid you'll fall apart, "Daddy."
"Shh," he soothes again, hand coming up to cradle the back of your head and pull you close, press your face into the warm down of his jacket as you start to cry. "Daddy's got you."
He impales you on his cock only a few more times, continues his slow and torturous movements against your clit, and then his grip tightens and you know he's about to come. You hear him groan in your ear, animalistic and masculine, a brief moment of vulnerability before his cock twitches inside you and pumps you with his release. It fills you so deep, hot and thick and steady; it's like you don't know where he ends and you begin. Your eyes roll back and you shudder on top of him as your own orgasm takes over, sends warmth to your cheeks and a gush of liquid from your pussy.
"Ohhh, there she goes," he murmurs softly, rubbing your back as you shake and writhe and push out another heavy stream of release, incoherent noises tearing from your throat as you gush around his cock. You can feel your juices mixing with his, feel the way it drips out of you and dribbles down to make a mess on his belly.
"Daddy," you whimper, a sob wracking from somewhere deep within. He tightens his arms around you, fucks himself up inside you once more as another small squirt of liquid spurts from your fucked-out hole. You sob again, tears streaming down your face.
"That's it, little one," he murmurs, hand still rubbing soothing circles into your back, "My special girl."
His special girl.
You cry into his shoulder until he pulls you away to look at him, brows narrowed as he peers at you with those dark eyes again, serious.
"That's enough," he tells you sternly, and with one final sniffle you nod and wipe the back of your hand across your face. His hands travel down to your bare hips and it's only then that you finally feel the biting cold, the sharp sting of ice and snow as he tugs you off his cock. Your thighs are dripping with both his come and yours, slowly beginning to freeze against your gradually cooling skin. You watch as he tucks his softening cock back into his jeans and tugs down his shirt and jacket to cover his soaked tummy.
"M'cold, daddy," you whisper, hunching in on yourself and wrapping your arms tight around your body. He reaches for your jeans and soundlessly opens them up for you, helps you place each leg inside while you place your hands shakily against his shoulders for support.
"Let's get you back to camp then, little one," he murmurs, reaching for your boots and helping you slip your thickly socked feet into each one, "Get you nice n' warmed up."
You hum appreciatively, knowing he means it. Knowing he'll build you a fire and feed you soup and wrap you up in warm blankets; knowing that he'll take care of you - like he always does, like he promised.
He pockets your discarded panties - wet spot already frozen on the soft fabric - and wraps an arm around you, turning you away from the trees and back toward camp. You lean into his embrace, melt into his warmth and peer up at his strong form, his greying hair and scratchy beard, those eyes that tell a thousand stories, curved nose that fits ever so delicately against your mound on lazy afternoons. You're not sure if it scares you that you can barely remember a time before this anymore.
You close your eyes and let him lead you home.
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In regards to the current Pansear Doodles problem, I have this to say, & will continue to stand by this until further proof is presented:
Firstly, a statement of mine I’ve been saying for a bit now:
“So, is this account in the screenshots that is claimed to be Pansear actually 100% confirmed to be Pansear’s? The grammar pattern isn’t matching any other messages Pansear has posted in any other server I’ve seen them in, nor was the actual ACCOUNT actually shown besides the nickname & the pfp (Which is barely able to be considered solid proof, especially with the advent of server profiles allowing specific names & pfps for other servers on a whim) You can click an account to see the full account details, mutual servers, ect cetera & show that information WITH these screenshots real easily, so idk why that wasn’t done.
Fuck, it’s still really easy to fake Discord screenshots nowadays too. Is this 100% confirmed to be Pansear in the screenshots being posted?”
As of the time of writing this post, this STILL hasn’t been addressed, nor has any further proof been given. Furthermore, with regards to how Pansear responded to just the allegations themselves, I guarantee they didn’t try to defend themselves & keep their accounts up because of actual threats to their person.
Just look at what happened to their Tumblr handle LITERALLY, AT MOST, HOURS AFTER THEY TOOK THEIR ACCOUNT DOWN.
You all think that the horribly socially-anxious, anxiety-ridden person known as Pansear Doodles could handle that kind of harassment directly to themselves, much less WANT to? No wonder they didn’t even try to defend themselves.
Now, another user I was talking to about this mentioned a good point as well (Not going to give their name to avoid them getting harassed as well.) They said this in response to the screenshots:
“There is no solid proof the Feral Porn screenshot or the Self Harm screenshot are truly Pansear or Emily, but there is some weird oddities regarding the two that show "multiple members". Occasionally, you can see a blue blip peaking behind the censor that matches the color of the 0303Emily account in the FP screenshot exactly. More critically, all of the accounts in the screenshots that aren't "Pansear" have the time sent value uncensored, and they line up with eachother pixel for pixel. This means that if you wanted to fake this screenshot, it would be really easy, as you only need 2 accounts, or just one friend. Also Pansear mentioned how they blocked 0303Emily months ago, so them talking like nothing happened makes no sense. I find it VERY hard to believe the screenshots are real considering all the oddities, the story holes, ease of fakery, and the anonymous source of the information. Every one of these points isn't enough to prove that it is fake, but it certainly isn't enough to prove it's real, and them combined all point in the same direction...”
Now, today I hear that more crusading is occurring from these same people who made these claims about Pansear.
So, @iridescentipede & @azrielfiend . You got any actual PROOF, or is this all stemming from your prior incident with Pansear not immediately trusting you when you accused their friend with minimal proof before?
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something i like about nona's family is that they're so like, almost a perfect little nuclear family, and then just. not.
like. pyrrha is "the person who works for her" but also the one who makes breakfast and does the dishes. she's a woman quite literally posessing the body of a cis man and really leaning into the look, honorarily trans in both directions, working construction and shaving in the mornings and braiding nona's hair before school.
and then there's camilla, her...nagging wife? troublemaking older child? roomate who she barely gets along with? the fact that palamedes shares this role is doubly weird. he's a man literally posessing the body of a cis woman, and they're both pyrrha's nagging wife/problem child/roomate. i don't personally believe that anything explicitly or overtly sexual was happening between her and either of them, but i completely understand where people who think that are coming from. and it's fucking weird (affetionate?).
even nona occupies a weird place in this dynamic. like. pyrrha is definitely a parent to her but camilla, who takes a much more active role in her daily life, is...idk. nona has a crush on her and wants to marry her and adopt dogs. camilla's feelings for nona are more parental or older-sisterly, in that she cares for her and wants to protect her, and if her feelings are more complicated than that, it's because of the obvious aspects of the situation which make her extremely sad and apprehensive of the future. her affection for nona seems relatively simple.
and then there's palamedes, who is in theory another parental figure (see: camilla's "i'll talk to your mother later" face, or pyrrha's "you're going to make someone a really irritating wife one day, sextus"), but in nona's view of things he seems like something more along the lines of an older sibling, or perhaps a cool uncle, which is funny because pyrrha arguably treats him more like a spouse than she does camilla.
it's all just so fucking weird and jumbled up on itself. pyrrha will kiss camilla on the head and say "i'll be home for dinner, dear," and then turn around and call both her and nona "daddy's own treasures" (don't get me started). she'll kiss palamedes and camilla both on the mouth and tell them she loves them. she'll tell them she didn't love them well, or even wholesomely, and she won't explain what she means by wholesome.
alecto calls her "mother and father." alecto tells her she should've given into her urges and eaten them.
palamedes and camilla are second cousins and queerplatonic and married and the same person and by the start of the book the lines between them are already dissolving.
nona is so so young and she's so so old and she's not so much younger than camilla and she's older than pyrrha can even comprehend and some days she needs help getting her shirt over her head.
and most importantly they all love each other. it's a weird and confused and unhealthy love. it's a love full of tension and annoyance and fear. it's a love that wants very badly to fit a category and can't. but it's love it's love it's love and even when it's over even when it has nowhere left to go it's not gone it can't be gone. it's over it's done you can't take loved away.
#i started out writing a very normal analysis of their dynamics and got increasingly emotional as it went on#but i kinda like the way it reads now so i'm not gonna edit for tone#enjoy watching me spiral in real time#nona the ninth#nona of new rho#the locked tomb#tlt#my post
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(MAJOR GGG SPOILERS)
I had some thoughts that I was told were good.... about like. the godpoke as their own character. and about them & King's postcanon friendship.
and how. during & after the events of the game, everyone else probably just sees godpoke doing its godpoke things and are like yup! that's just good ol' godpoke! (only communicating using other people's words and the occasional nod or shake, drifting around following orders & helping people, generally being the most perfect little mail carrier the grove could ask for with barely a complaint despite being having the role of godpoke literally dropped from the sky onto them)
and King is the first to vocally be like. hey. isnt that kind of really weird? this little cowpoke saved the entire world, but none of us know anything about them personally? ... nobody even knows their name?? We just call them godpoke???
(the rest under here i don't wanna giant post blast y'all ↓)
I feel like King would think of it as the least she could do after all the godpoke has done for the grove, for all the listening and learning they've done about all the grove's gods' and people's lives and problems, to try and learn at least a little bit about Them. (and also i feel like King is just generally the type of person who desires to understand the people she meets as much as she possibly can.)
So King starts trying to help godpoke communicate for themself. probably a lot of giving them pointers on using megapon, and a lot of speaking very deliberately to give godpoke the chance to twist her words into what they really wanna say. its probably a long and slow effort... megapon wasn't exactly designed as a full communication device, just a mail cannon. and maybe the godpoke is stubborn, too. maybe they refuse to use anything else but megapon. maybe they're hesitent to share themself. and of course, the two of them are both busy helping the grove heal from the almost-apocolypse.
But King is the Eloquent God now. and among all her other new responsabilities, she's found someone who might need her words to help communicate for themself.. idk
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MCYT with a reader who would literally get into a fist fight for them?? Literally, if someone even looks at them wrong reader will throw hands. It's literally that meme (Random person) "GET YO FUCKING DOG BITCH" (MCYT) "it don't bite" "YES IT FUCKIN DO-" I'm sorry I'm feeling silly 😔
OH MY FUCKING GOD I LOVE THIS PROMPT AND THE REFERENCE TO THIS MEME LMFAOOO OH MY LORD BSHWJRHEJJAJW ; very vine oriented so I apologize. you threw me into a loop referencing that
MCYT ; "anytime, anywhere, I'd beat a bitches ass for you"
includes ; tommyinnit, ranboo, badlinu, nihachu, slimecicle, quackity, & foolish gamers
warnings ; language, talk of blood/injuries, physical fighting, vine cringe because I got very carried away and you can tell
masterlist
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TOMMYINNIT
he was one of those kids in high school that made light offensive jokes but would never fight anyone over anything, he's not a violent person at all other than in his jokes
but God forbid some random person look at you two weird in public, you're on their ass
you're more offended that they were judging Tommy at all, you couldn't care that they were judging you
"sorry, do you have a problem?" You squint your eyes at the person, "me and my boyfriend are just trying to shop and you keep following us around and staring, like, can I help you?"
just a teenage Karen
yall do take it outside when the motherfucker follows you out and begins to record you
you beat this fuckers ass to a PULP
Tommy's just holding the few bags of stuff you'd purchased staring down, jaw on the fucking floor like "Oh my God wtf do I do"
he had the vlog camera on so he kinda got it all on video before he pulled you away from the person
yall sprinted the hell away bc the security guards were running towards yall 😭😭
#neveridentified
#the person admitted guilt anyways and said they were planning to hurt you so no point in trying to track yall down for self defense
#i barely know the law shush
RANBOO
they just kind of accepted that you were like this
"I do not endorse violence unless you are y/n. I can't make them un-violent. I have tried, they're a vicious guard dog now"
hurricane Katrina? more like hurricane tortilla when you enter the building
yk the free style dance teacher vine? that'll be ranboo out in public and someone will stare at them all weird and you'll glare back
"walk away, walk away" you mumble, watching the person hurrily walk away as they see you like glaring daggers into their skull
your dynamic is the one vine that's like "Oh can I have a sip of your water?" and "It's not water or vodka, it's vinegar" "bitch what"
then you'll go make angsty edge lord posts to the one bojack horseman audio "I'm not a violent dog" and insert a clip of you beating the shit out of someone in high school
FREDDIE BADLINU
you post the "look at all those chickens" vine on your Twitter everytime you see a hate comment made for one of you
you love instigating fights w people online it's the funniest fucking thing
if you don't know how to reply to some dumbass edgelord response you'll just spam the guacamole vine until they shut up
"wait, why does y/n have so many soaps?"
"MIND YOUR FUCKIN BUISNESS DAVID"
Freddie's response to your violence is usually the saxophone seal vine. he genuinely laughs everytime he sees you fighting w someone online
sometimes you'll stream it while you wait for a response and while you're fighting online trolls who've been brainwashed by Twitter
"You're gay?!?!?!?11??11"
insert the "ms keisha dead" vine and the battle is over idk what to say
fight fire with fire I guess
NIKI NIHACHU
she hates yet loves that you'd fight ppl for her
oh, someone treated her wrong? you'll be trending on Twitter for fighting the person
#y/u/n will literally be at number 1 for a week
people edit the fight too
she appreciates it though, even though she doesn't exactly like to promote violence, she'll accept it from you
"Oh, don't worry about them, they're just a little... nervous around people sometimes"
"nervous? girl that mf is SNARLING at me"
you'll see a post that's like "me when someone tries to start shit w my s/o" and reply with the "hahaha I do that" vine
when I tell you she CACKLES reading online fights with people 😭🙏
CHARLIE SLIMECICLE
"get the F off my yard!" proceeds to have to drag you away from situations where someone's actin a little funny in a /neg way
he genuinely thinks you fighting people for him is funny
he'll tell the stories on stream and to his friends like "dude they fucked this guy up, I honestly feel bad for laughing"
honestly most the time it's people victimizing themselves
like that one meme where the lady very obviously and fakely falls over that bench on LIVE TELEVISION.
he's your biggest supporter
he's the old guy from that one vine of the kid singing "Oh wait a minute mister postman" and he does the whole ass high note
"here's y/n fighting someone for idk what because they're talking to the police 😋"
you're a problem at this point
QUACKITY
you've physically fought so many wild racists for him it's crazy
he'll gladly cheer you on
"AHHHH COME GET YO DOG BRO HELP"
"Oh it don't bite"
you proceed to bite the bitch
online fights are usually responded w the purple teletubby twerking meme
"L don't be a weak ass racist pussy next time"
you fight Logan Paul for some reason??? Twitter drama mostly
don't worry quackitys there to watch
17-3 don't worry... ehehehrhahahha
when he tells you that you need to stop instigating fights you send him the "They ask you how you are but you just have to say that you're fine when you're not really fine" meme BAHDNHAHA
FOOLISH GAMERS
"YOU KNOW WHAT DUDE? IM OUTTA HERE" vine in a nutshell with you two. I can't explain this but it makes sense I swear
"whatd you do to your eyebrows?" meme except its "Whyd you fight that person!?" "I don't really know!"
Twitter fights are like "and they were roommates!" "ohmygodtheywereroomates" I swear to fucking god
you love instigating shit with Twitter trolls
when you stand up for him/reply to edgelord haters for him he replies with the "country boy I love youuuuuuu" vine
"GIVE ME YOUR FUCKIN MONEY!" vine with the law and order intro is literallt how physical fights go
let's just say some stalker edgelords tracked you guys down at the streamer awards...
HE AND PUNZ GENUINLEY CHEER YOU ON
here you go trending on Twitter again
#lowkeyrobin#mcyt x reader#mcyt preferences#mcyt oneshot#tommyinnit x reader#quackity x reader#ranboo x reader#badlinu x reader#freddie badlinu x reader#niki nihachu x reader#nihachu x reader#foolish gamers x reader#charlie slimecicle x reader#slimecicle x reader#gn reader#gender neutral reader
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Hello I've been reading your work and it was AMAZING. And I would like to request a Pablo Gavi x reader where they are friends with benefits and the reader falls for Pablo and one day when the reader start to gain her confidence about confessing her felling for Pablo but only she found out that he date your best friend.
*idk if your comfortable or not but thank you, your choice if you want to end it happy or sad AHHA🧚
Casual — Pablo Gavi.
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Pairing: Pablo Gavi x Fem!Reader
Summary: After half a year of casual hook ups with one of your closest friends, you realize what you felt for him was far beyond casual and you couldn’t hold it in any longer. Your world comes crashing down on you the day you decide to finally tell him, because now he’s asking your permission to ask our your best friend.
Word count: 821
Disclaimer/s: no actual smut!! slight mention of hook ups but nothing more, angst aswell! part two
A/N: Idk if I did this justice but!!🫶🏻
You sat on the comfort of your friend, Pablo’s couch. Patiently tapping your index finger against your right bicep, which you’d been clutching ever so tightly. He’d told you to wait there while he finished getting dressed. You didn’t know why he was in such a hurry today, he’d hardly finished saying ‘hello’ before he was rushing back to his room.
Your eyes wandered around the large living room, far too spacious for your liking although you’d gotten used to it throughout the years of friendship and group hangouts that took place in this very room.
White walls with white furniture, black decorations, the occasional blue. It was bland. He was definitely a man. You smile at that, how simplistic he was, he always had been.
Your mind fills with memories of the two of you alone, stumbling over the carpet till you landed on the couch, too lost in each other to bother making it to the bedroom.
Shaking the thoughts from your head, you notice the light pattering of feet making their way in your direction. You don’t bother turning around, already knowing who it was.
“I’m glad you came, I needed to ask you something.” Pablo smiles boyishly, plopping onto the couch a few feet from you.
Your heart leaps in your chest at the endless possibilities that question could mean, none of which were correct in the end.
A small, subconscious grin makes its way onto your face, “Oh? Then I insist you go first!”
Pablo runs a hand through his light brown hair, something you’d grown to adore. “So, Lucia..”
Your grin falters, “what?” You choke out, caught off guard by the mention of your best friend.
“Yeah, we’ve been talking.” His smile widens while he speaks, pure happiness evident in his voice. “I was wondering, and I know this is an awkward situation, considering..” He motions between the two of you, making your stomach drop. Oh God no. “I wanted to see if you were okay with me asking her out.”
Lucia. The perfect blonde haired blue eyes beauty. Your best girl friend. The one person you knew you should’ve told about your’s and Pablo’s.. situation. Maybe if you’d just told her, you could’ve avoided all this. Why hadn’t she told you about them?
But you didn’t. And now you were facing the consequences.
He says your name, trailing off at the end of it, “Well?”
Blinking once, twice, thrice, you swallow. Hard. Fighting the bile rising in your throat. “Don’t you think that i’d be.. I dunno.. Weird? With what we’ve been doing?”
Waving your concerns away, the brunette shrugs. “But it was just a casual thing, no? Why would that matter?”
Idiot.
You only ever wanted him to be happy of course, so why was this such a hard pill to swallow? This would make him happy, therefore you would be.
Then you realize, you wanted him to be happy.. but with you. You wanted him to be happy as long as he was happy with you.
“Sure.” You utter. There was no use fighting the inevitable. “You’re right. It was casual.”
Saying that word. Casual. It felt like knife pressed to a barely healed wound. It’s every essence, it’s every meaning, left an acidic taste on your tongue.
Pablo wasn’t stupid, or, that stupid. He caught the moment your demeanor shifted, so suddenly, so drastically, how could he have not noticed it?
Confusion flashes across his face, “why did you say it like that?”
“Like what?” You fight a scoff, your eyes flickering to the side, refusing to meet his harsh stare.
“Like you’re not telling me the truth?” He furrows his eyebrows, his eyes boring holes into your head.
Walls build on your face, stoning him off from reading into it anymore. “I just—“ You lick your lips, “this whole time we were fucking you had a thing for my best friend? Do you not see why that would make me a little fucking bitter?”
Now he was just baffled. “You knew it meant nothing! Didn’t you?” He sounded a lot harsher than intended, but he genuinely meant it. You had to have known that, right?
Standing abruptly, you nod. “No, yeah, I did. Whatever. Ask her out, I don’t care.” But the way your voice wavered gave you away instantly.
Pablo went to stand as well, but you stop him with a glare. “She like’s tulips, yellow ones specifically. And she’s a sucker for walks on the beach, and big acts of affection. Don’t screw things up, she doesn’t deserve that. And you have a knack for ruining good things.” You add the last part out of spite. A final dig, the final word.
Turning on your heels, you make a bee line for the front door. Ignoring the way he called out your name, ignoring the way he cursed, ignoring the way you felt tears pooling in your eyes.
(DTS) @halfwayhearted ^_^ and to whoever requested this, sorry I lowkey gave up at the end… lmk if u want a part 2 i suppose!
#pablo gavi#fanfic#blurb#gavi angst#pablo gavi x you#angst with a sad ending#possible part 2#pablo gavi x reader#gavi x you
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Last of her kind Emperor!Alpha!Zhongli + Slave!Omega!Dragoness!Reader-
cw/tags: mentions of slavery and past sexual abuse on fem!reader, A/B/O dynamics, mating bites, fingering, scenting, pet names, zhongli has a knot and alpha fangs and is not afraid to use them lmao, some nip and clit stimulation ig?? emotional roller coaster ngl.
notes: So remember a loooong time ago when I held a poll and one of the options was "dragon" and it WON?? well actually it was this, (dragon READER heh) it just got WAY out of control. 5.6k words and now I wanna make it into a whole series //head in hands// anyway ye have this weird lil funky AU I poured my sweat blood and tears into (also my heart and soul) idk why I am just so attached I love it so much plsss I have ideas fot other scenes with them already aaaaaaaaa <3
Partially inspired by some of @silentmoths' fics holy shIT I LOVE DRAGON READER AND I LOVE OMEGAVERSE NOD IF YOU AGREE!!
Last but not least if y'all wanna be part of my pinglist uhh I'm making one now so :3c
Part 2 ->
Strange yellow leaves fall around you all over the courtyard…
“Fix your clothes, you have to look appealing… well, as appealing as a creature like you can be.” The voice of your Master calls out harshly, pulling and tugging at details in your outfit. It was a flimsy and silky thing, mostly see-through, rather elegant, but very revealing.
You’re used to it.
“And stop looking so miserable! You better smile and please this Alpha. He’s not just anyone, you know?”
You nod meekly, trying to hide the slight trembling on your body. This will be just another bonding attempt. Nothing else.
It will fail. Just like all the others before.
Silver chains clink and tug the collar at your neck, it shakes you back to the present as you stumble forward.
Master guides you through a maze of corridors, with sleek surfaces of dark wood, decorative lanterns and paper screens. They’re strange, covered in even stranger symbols that look nothing like the ones back in the desert. Your bare feet, used to rough hot sand, now walk along polished wood with your draconic tail dragging behind. Everything looks so lavish…
You’ve been brought all the way to Li- Liu-… Li-yue? A foreign country, to meet a potential client. Well, a client to your Master. You are just the merchandise: a dragonblood Omega. Rare, unique even, “exotic”.
But defective.
Your fists clench in nervousness. How rough will this Alpha be with you? You dread to find the answer. Alphas were cruel, ever since you remember you’ve been taught to please, be gentle, obedient and look pretty, but they were never any of those things. Alphas just took their pleasure and used your body as they wanted, usually until you were crying and screaming, begging for mercy. You just hope this Alpha would give you some pity and be quick… or give you time to rest in between attempts.
Though you had learned since long that your wishes don’t tend to come true.
What a disappointment. After I spent so much money and resources on you.
Such a waste of time, what use is there in an Omega that can’t bond?
Why do I even bother with you? You’re just good for the reproduction camp. Maybe that way you can produce another dragonblood.
This is your last chance, mutt. If you fail again, I won’t be bothering with you anymore.
You feel anxiety creeping on your chest, heart jumping to your throat as the dark thoughts invade your mind. Last chance… your last chance at bonding. At proving you’re not useless and stupid. At serving your purpose as Omega. What was happening to you was fair. You deserve to be punished and you should be grateful you have one last chance after all your failures.
You just want to… to…
Tears prickle at your eyes and you breathe in deeply, trying to contain your distress and hugging your own tail, rubbing your face on the fluffy tip.
Whatever happens today, your fate is going to be sealed.
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The nest room is nice.
Like the rest of the place, it is rather elegant, dimly lit with neutral colors and wooden walls, filled with pillows and blankets that had a very subtle flowery aroma to them. Small cabinets to one side with some decorative objects on top and a full-length mirror on the other side. So much different from the barren cold stone walls and tents from the desert camps.
“Hm, pretty fancy.” Master says taking off your collar, your soft unblemished neck now on display, free from any claim. “Now…” He pulls at your hair and you wince, whining and lowering your ears on a submissive display. He wouldn’t hurt you right? You have to look pretty. “The emperor will be here shortly. Make sure to do anything and everything he wants. And you better smile, I told you.”
“E-Emperor?” You pale, eyes widening.
He scoffs and pushes you back, you stumble back into the mess of pillows. “That’s right. I don’t know why but he was very adamant to see you it seems. Perhaps he just wants the prestige of owning the last known dragonblood, hm? Another novelty for his collection, I’m sure. You should consider yourself really lucky. So…” He flashes his Alpha fangs at you with a growl and you whimper again, cowering. “I would suggest you do your best and don’t disappoint this time, he’ll pay a pretty penny for you.”
And with that he leaves, muttering something and almost slamming the strange sliding door.
And so, you’re alone.
Immediately your brain goes into overdrive. An emperor? You had been presented to various Alphas of high status before, wealthy merchants and high-ranking tribe members, but this… this was probably a whole other level.
An emperor had to have an empress, right? Someone of noble birth and high status such as himself, not a lowly sand lizard like you, with weird ears, scales, horns and a tail. Why would he want to see an Omega like you? Perhaps Master was right, he intended to keep you as a trophy in his collection, another pretty thing.
It was humiliating.
But anything was better than being doomed to the reproduction camp…
Maybe the emperor had a harem? You’ve heard of them before, some Alphas liked to boast having many Omegas bound to them. Living in this luxury, not having to worry about much anything except looking pretty and pleasing him once a while. Hell, maybe he wouldn’t even pay attention to you, you’d be just a glorified pet.
You could… do that.
Without noticing, your tail starts swaying after you, this could be a chance. Your chance. You just had to make him like you. Forget the bond. Don’t think about it. All you have to do is please him.
You start frantically arranging the sheets and pillows around, building the comfiest nest you ever had with all the extra material, scenting it with excited happy pheromones. You could do it, this was your chance.
You won’t fail this time. You’ll be pretty, obedient, submissive, the ideal Omega. You’ll let him use you to his heart’s content, sure you may be a little sore but it’ll be worth it if he chooses you. He won’t even care about the bond.
…Right?
You jolt when you hear the door slide slightly open again, your heart leaps to your throat as someone walks in.
Oh.
Is… he the emperor? … He’s handsome.
To be fully honest, you expected some fat pompous middle-aged man not this… perfect specimen of an Alpha.
Your tail sways a little with curiosity.
He looks only slightly older than you, tall, wearing elegant robes in brown and golden hues. His eyes are like a sunset: golden, warm, almost glowing. A red liner accentuating them. Long chocolate hair faded to amber at the tips. His scent was earthy and pleasant, subtle unlike most Alpha musk. Almost comforting and… familiar?
He seems to stare back at you with the same surprise, frozen for a moment, eyes slightly wide, he says something you can’t quite hear and it shakes you out of the spell. You suddenly feel a little self-conscious, curling your tail around you, ears down and resisting the urge to brush (hide) the scales at the corners of your eyes.
It occurs to you that you’ve been just staring like an idiot, you don’t know very well how to address him, nor know his foreign tongue. So, you simply lower your head in respect. “My Lord…”
You suddenly feel nervous. This is it.
You turn around, following the motions ingrained in your brain. Body splayed on the nest, arms tucked in, head down. Submissive, obedient. Your hands are shaking, you feel dizzy, heart thrumming in your chest, blood rushing in your ears.
You lift your butt just slightly, tail curling elegantly over your back, out of the way to expose the flimsy fabric covering your privates, properly presenting to the Alpha. You focus on trying to control your pheromones, letting out just whiffs of a needy sensual scent, worried of mixing in your anxiety and fear and displeasing the emperor.
You had to be pretty, enticing, compliant, and he would, h-he would…
A rather awkward cough has you tense. “There is… no need for that.”
You blink for a moment, taken aback at the rich deep baritone of his voice, so hypnotizing you almost don’t register his words. He speaks common tongue, but still, what does he mean? Isn’t this just… standard protocol for bonding? Isn’t he going to mount you?
You dare peek over your shoulder and see him sitting elegantly over his knees at the floor. He’s outside of the nest range.
He’s also slightly pink at the cheeks and pointedly avoiding looking at you.
Is this a trap? Is he testing you to see if you’ll misbehave? Your hands clench, nails digging at your palms, your breathing and heart increasing pace.
“I just want to talk, I promise.” He tries.
You hold the position.
He sighs, and then-
“Omega, relax.”
You almost squeak at the Alpha command. His voice, his will, seeps into your skin, your nerves, your very bones. You feel your muscles loosen up, tension leaving your body like a bowstring snapping and you lie on the sheets sideways.
Right right right, you’re tense, you have to be soft and pliant-
You look over at him and he’s… heading over to the little cabinets. He picks up a kettle of some kind and little cups that sit on the top, moving around calmly and elegantly as he seems to prepare something. Your head tilts and you gingerly sit up straight. Tail and ears down, curled up not unlike a wounded animal.
“Do you speak the common tongue?”
“Y-Yes!” You nod. “A little…”
“Good.”
The emperor seems… pleasant, he is calm and unguarded, so different from the cold intimidating Alphas you’ve met who like to show off, who immediately order you around. He even used an Alpha command on you but it felt… grounding. There is something equally eerie and entrancing about him and you feel yourself as much drawn to him as terrified of his imposing aura, and you couldn’t explain why. It’s a bit unsettling but also comforting at the same time.
He pours two cups and turns to you. You stiffen and he offers you one.
“Qixing tea is one of the most refined Liyue teas. It tends to be very bitter but this blend has a more pleasant taste, a little floral even. It is also said to help relax one’s mind.”
You carefully take the cup, not wanting to insult such gracious offer, though you’re utterly confused, shouldn’t you be the one serving him?
The cup is warm.
You stare at the golden liquid, small black dots sit at the bottom. This has no alcohol… right? It can’t be worse than snake wine at least.
You carefully take a sip, trying to imitate how the emperor is holding his.
It is… nice, a strong sharp taste but not bad, and very aromatic.
He’s looking at you expectantly and your tail and ears twitch. “I-It’s very good. Thank you, my Lord.”
He smiles and your heart skips a beat. “I am glad. Some say Qixing tea is for older people, but it’s frankly one of my favorites.” He stares at his cup with a somewhat nostalgic gaze, as if it brings him fond memories. “Ah, you can address me as Morax.”
You nod quietly and take another sip. Past the tea’s powerful flowery scent, you can now sense his Alpha pheromones, with him being so close and the air less tense. They’re strong but not overwhelmingly so, sharp and tantalizing, a refined foreign scent you can almost taste in the back of your throat. It stirs something in you, something warm and alluring.
“Do you know where were you born? Who are your parents?”
The question takes you by surprise for a moment as you shake out of your thoughts. Ah, he must be inquiring about your dragonblood. “I-I’m…. I’m not sure, my Lo- um… L-Lord Morax. As far as I know my mother worked at a-a heat house… no one knew who my father was and she passed away when I was very young.”
“I see… so you have no idea where you got your dragon traits from.” It was a sentence rather than a question and you shake your head meekly, taking another sip from the tea, ears lowering back.
“Apparently it could be due to recessive genes.” You once again repeat the same words you’ve heard all your life. You hate bringing attention to your dragon features, people either treat you like a rare exotic creature or a dangerous one. You didn’t know which was worse.
“Hmmm…” Lord Morax seems pensive for a moment, also drinking some of the tea. “Have you been with your caretaker for long?”
You look down. “Master has been in charge of me ever since I… p-presented as an Omega.”
“Does he treat you well?”
Your eyes widen, the question catching you completely by surprise. T-Treat you well? You are… treated like any other slave omega, if only being singled out by your draconic traits. He feeds you, he gives you clothing and education, he arranges the best matches he can for bonding, he even got you here in the first place. You owe him everything, you’re nothing without him.
So then… Why do you find yourself thinking back on all the harsh words, all the punishments, all the screaming and crying, all the… t-touches…
You gulp. “M-Master ensures I have the best living conditions and opportunities I can.” Is what you settle for.
He hums.
There is silence for a moment and lord Morax settles down his cup.
“I don’t think you’re aware of how special you are.”
Just when you thought he couldn’t surprise you anymore, he utters those words and makes your heart speed up.
Is this anxiety? Fear?
“Judging from what your Master has told me, you’re treated like quite the novelty, an exotic half-blood not unlike the Valuka Shuna or Kätzlein. Here in Liyue however those with traits like yours are called Xiānshòu.” The foreign word rolls off his tongue. His golden eyes fix on you and you freeze. “Also known as illuminated beasts. With immense power and longevity, even the half-bloods. They’re well respected and looked up to, why, some are even revered as deities...”
You? Such a fantastic creature? That can’t be…
“Seems to me like things are different in the deserts of Sumeru, however.” His eyes narrow and for the first time you notice his diamond pupils. They look like a snake’s. The same eerie glint he had a few minutes ago is back darkening the bright golden eyes. Yet, for some strange reason you don’t feel scared this time.
A shiver travels down your spine as you feel your instincts purr in delight. Protective… for some reason lord Morax is being protective of you. You don’t know why or how but you can feel it and it made your inner Omega preen inside. An Alpha wanted to protect you, care for you.
“Such a shame.” He adds, sounding almost disappointed but there is something darker underneath. Word simmering with… frustration? “You are such a lovely dragoness, worthy of every praise and prayer they’d sign in your name here.”
You’re very glad your cup rests at your lap, blushing furiously with trembling hands.
For the next few moments, he continued to ask some more questions. What you like or dislike, what you do in your free time, even something as innocuous as your favorite color. Time seemed to stretch into infinity as you grew a little more comfortable with your answers and the whole situation, as though you weren’t talking to an emperor, or even a potential master or Alpha but rather… someone who saw you for who you are.
You liked that. You liked him.
You wanted to stay with him.
You wished to-
“Alright, I think that’s enough. I will have a talk with your Master and we’ll settle things.” He stands up and dusts his attire a little.
Your breath stops.
He is leaving.
He is leaving.
Did you do something wrong? Didn’t he say he liked your appearance? Are you such a failed disgraceful omega? Your last chance at bonding. You didn’t even get to impress him. You want to call out to him, do something, anything. Panic rises in your chest, drowning you, freezing you. You can barely think, instincts screaming, begging, wailing in despair for him. This kind Alpha, this gentle, patient, imposing, majestic Alpha who’s too good for you and yet something deep inside you yearns for him…!
“I am very glad to have met you little xiānshòu.” A small smile tugs at his lips. Then, he turns and heads for the sliding doors.
So, you do the first thing that comes to your mind.
The empty cup falls from your hands, your footsteps thump loudly on the wooden floors, soft fabric clenches between your fingers.
As soft as the lips you crash yours onto.
…
It only lasts a few seconds but when you back just a little, ears low and tail curled up in apprehension, you realize what you did.
You’d kissed him, you’d kissed the emperor.
You’re shaking like a leaf, clinging to him for dear life. He stares at you with wide surprised eyes but you’d rather die right here for your insolence than live the rest of your days in regret.
His scent takes on an alluring hint to it and your inner Omega is overjoyed. Up so close it is almost irresistible. His face remains impassive, if a little tense, but you can see in his eyes something you identify very well… hunger, desire.
“Lord Morax… t-the nest… please.”
“Y-You don’t have to-”
“Please! Allow me to please you, allow me to show you…how…” You whisper against his lips, leaning in again as your eyes flutter close.
And suddenly his hands wrap around you and pull you close, cupping your face, curling at your waist, there’s something possessive in it and you feel slight vibrations as he growls deep from his chest against your mouth. But there is also something sweet, something delicate…
And for once, you want more. You want this.
How did you end up here? In the most beautiful nest you’d ever constructed, with the most handsome, kind, caring Alpha you’d ever met?
His kisses are deep and slow, completely unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before. You lie on the soft sheets as he looms over you, exploring your mouth with an unhurried pace, hungry yet not forceful, letting you timidly do the same at your own pace.
This is nice…
His hands run along your body, caressing your skin through your flimsy attire. His touch curious but gentle.
“May I?” He asks, tugging at the fabric off your shoulder.
You shiver, at his voice, as the pure want in it, in his eyes, in his scent.
“Y-yes my lord…”
“Hmm…” His kisses trail down your jaw down to your neck as he starts pulling the garments off. Careful, instead of simply ripping them apart, your heart skips a beat. “If we’re going to do this, you can use my name and not just titles…”
Your top falls off and goosebumps litter your skin, nipples pebbled as one of his hands cups your breast.
“M-Morax…” You try, shakily, as if testing out the word alone on your lips.
“No, little one. Zhongli. That is my name.” He kisses down your shoulders, nipping at the skin.
“Ah!” Your tail flickers around and you purr.
You take the initiative to kiss him this time, and your hands start roaming his foreign clothes, fumbling with knots and pawing at the fabric. He chuckles at your frustrated whine. You want more, more of this feeling, more of him. To touch his skin, cover him in kisses, worship him.
(Show him what a good Omega you can be.)
No…
You want to make him feel good and please him.
Elegant fabric falls down discarded as he shakes off the layers of his top and you blink surprised. The fabric was bulky and covered up his figure. Lean but muscled, tantalizing like honey. You immediately latch onto him, nosing, scenting, nipping and kissing, feeling the faint outline of his abs and muscles twitch under your touch. He smells so good, he feels so good…
Your Omega instincts are starting to cloud your senses more and more.
Suddenly one of his hands gently squeezes a soft breast and you moan at the sudden touch “O-Oh!”
“You’re sensitive here, do you like this?” He asks, massaging your chest.
You whimper and nod frantically, tail wagging behind you. You had never been this responsive to having your chest played with, though then again, it was rare… but his sensual touches were quickly undoing you. Wetness pools at your gut and you rub your legs together.
Lord Mor- Zhongli… leans down then and something wet flicks over your nipple making you gasp, before warmth surrounds your nub. You cry out even louder. He sucks and laps at it and you instinctively tangle your hands on his hard dark hair, your legs wrapping around his waist.
You groan again, too many layers on the way.
“C-clothes… off, please!”
“As you wish, my dear dragoness.”
He continues squeezing, kissing, caressing and lapping at your skin, leaving a couple of hickeys along the way and teasing his Alpha fangs against you as his attention descends through your body once more, continuing his trail of kisses along your hip. His fingers dip down the waistband of your mesh pants and when you raise your hips to help, he pulls them down.
You’ve been naked in front of others more times than you’d like to count. But there’s something oddly intimate and special about this situation right now.
Your ears lower in apprehension, and your tail flicks by your side, resisting the urge to cover up. Lying down with your legs slightly spread around him. Already flushed, sweaty and panting.
“…You’re gorgeous.”
Huh?!
“I’m so lucky to have found you.” Zhongli nips at your hip. “So lucky that you want me too.” He kisses at your inner thigh.
Your breath hitches.
You’re the lucky one. Completely overjoyed that this Alpha likes you, desires you.
The first touch at your core has you mewling.
Zhongli strokes at your folds, still gentle, finding you soaked as your slick coats his fingers. Your body jolts and you moan “A-Ah!” He smirks against your thigh and nips there again as his fingers move in circles, teasing, testing, before moving to your clit. A finger pad stroking it just so, making your whole frame tremble, like every nerve in your body is being stimulated.
“Mngh- please!”
His fingers travel between your folds. First one sliding in rather easily, pumping steadily as you shudder in pleasure, and then two, making you writhe, bucking your hips against the touch, pushing them deeper, chasing that feeling.
Your body feels hot, too hot. Every sensation blocked except that warm wet feeling down there, in your new heaven. Your hands claw at the sheets, a pleasant fog setting in and you can feel yourself slipping into your most primal needs. But oh, oh, not like this.
You want him. Need him.
“You- y-you! please my lord!”
Something snaps in the Alpha’s eyes and Zhongli growls. Golden eyes dark, swallowed by lust and need and you whine when his fingers leave you. You vaguely hear rustling noises and before you can protest again, he pulls you up back on his lap and oh…
He’s big.
His erection stands proud between your bodies, rubbing against you and you shuffle impatiently, nuzzling against him.
Yes, yes…
Zhongli helps positioning you, gives himself a few strokes, and you feel his cockhead kiss at your entrance, you whine and stare at him rather confused. “L-Like this? B-But I have never- This is n-not how-”
He kisses your forehead, your nose, and pecks at your lips. “I can imagine this is very different from how they’ve taught you Alphas mount Omegas, but I my dear, intend to make love to you.” He whispers, hot breath fanning your cheeks as he nuzzles you, so close, so intimate. Your heart hammering wildly in your chest. “Like this you will have more control. I want you to relax, enjoy, my sweet dragoness.” He kisses at your cheek, down your jaw to your neck. “May I?”
You can feel your eyes water. No one had ever told you that. No Alpha had ever been this patient or even asked your permission before. Words die on your throat as you stare mesmerized at Zhongli. Grateful. Incredulous. Completely enamored.
You nod, and he guides you down.
It’s different like this. So much different.
You bite your lip and whine a little once you start to move, his hands hold your hips as you raise them and sink back down on his cock, inch by delicious inch. You feel… full, but warm, good. Your insides clench around him and he groans.
Oh… you could get used to this…
“Hah… ah! … m-my lord... I’m…” You feel dizzy but in a good way, your body tingles all over and it’s exhilarating, addicting.
He leans forward a bit, nosing at your collarbone, soft kisses tickle your skin and he… he’s almost purring in delight, inhaling your scent. “I told you, you can just call me by my name... Would you let me hear it?”
You buck languidly on his embrace, enjoying this…sensual experience, these new feelings and sensations. His tender closeness, his intoxicating pheromones, his deep baritone.
Him.
“Zhongli…”
His name comes out as a needy cry and he growls, Alpha pride clearly satisfied. His hands roam your body just enough to shift position and pull you even closer, hips rolling in tandem, picking up speed, his fangs grazing your shoulder.
Your head is swimming in pleasure, fuzzy like stuffed with cotton, small little “Ah… ah… ah!” moans punched out of you. You’re vaguely aware of your nails digging onto his skin but you can’t even stop yourself, you need to hold onto something, anything.
Even your tail subconsciously curls around his ankle (and he doesn’t even seem to mind), like every cell of your body is screaming at you to hold onto him and never let go.
Zhongli’s own breathing comes out in harsh puffs and satisfied groans as he buries himself in you over and over, the sound of skin slapping on skin becomes more prominent.
And then, he hits a spot that has you seeing stars.
Your eyes snap open (when had you closed them?) Back arching as if struck by lightning and letting out a high-pitched moan. H-How did he do that?! What was that? You don’t remember ever feeling like this in previous bonding attempts.
“M-more?” You mewl in delight.
Zhongli looks at you with a satisfied smirk and it only fuels the fire in your belly.
“Gladly.”
That same wonderful feeling travels up and down your body again and again as your moans and whimpers rise in volume, calling his name over and over. Zhongli kisses you, deep and passionate. Whispers praises and sweet nothings on your flickering dragon ears. Touches you so soft and reverently. Your body feels so hot, your mind going blank, you can feel the base of his cock swelling with his knot and the familiar coil of pleasure tightening as you anticipate it, crave it, more intense and satisfying than ever before.
And just as you reach that high, his fangs sink into you.
You come with a squeal, body tensing, clinging onto him, clenching on him as he lets out a deep satisfied groan, knotting you. Wet stickiness coats your insides and thighs. And everything feels right, just right. Perfect even.
It takes a moment to come back to your senses, and it’s to Zhongli’s hands rubbing circles at your back comfortingly, while he laps and kisses at the bonding mark he left on you.
And then the high comes crashing down.
The bonding mark.
Tears well up in your eyes and start rolling down your cheeks, your tail uncoiling from him and curling around yourself protectively, ears down.
Please no… this can’t be…
Please stay…
Please.
Zhongli immediately notices your distress, in your actions and your scent, completely different altogether. His own instincts going wild at the lack of a happy sated mate scent. “Darling, what’s wrong? I’m sorry did it hurt that much? Did I… harm you in some way or did something wrong?” Oh, he sounds so genuinely concerned.
You shake your head desperately. Of course he hasn’t.
But you will.
Your body will. Betray you as always.
No bonding mark has stayed in your neck for longer than a few minutes. They all fade.
Just like the alphas that place them in you.
And then comes the anger, the guilt, the disappointment, the despair, the loneliness…
You can’t take it. Not this time.
“S-stay… please…” You sob.
Your voice sounds so broken, so weak and tiny, absolutely heart wrenching.
And Zhongli embraces you.
“I will, my dearest dragoness. I promise you.” He kisses one of your horns.
You want to believe him but you can only cry harder…
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The room is dark as your eyes flutter open. It takes a few minutes to adjust and for your mind to catch up. Where are you…? You look around at the wooden walls, nestled in comfy sheets, you see some wooden cabinets and a tea set-
…!!!
You jolt awake, tumbling some pillows from your fancy nest. Your last chance at bonding. The emperor. He was leaving, and then…!
You slap a hand against the junction between neck and shoulder and feel something there, a bandage… you try to stare at it confused, though it’s impossible from the angle. And then fear consumes you. What if… it’s not there…?
Your body is still naked, though you have been covered with a thick fabric while sleeping, as it now pools at your lap, your Omega scent and that of an Alpha mixed together pleasantly, you turn around.
The Emperor. Lord Morax. Zhongli.
He sleeps peacefully by your side, on your nest, after having mated you.
He stayed.
You stare at his handsome features, fair skin, dark long hair, strong jaw, muscled arms. His lips slightly parted as he breathes evenly. So at ease.
You want to reach out and brush at his hair, touch his face, kiss him.
You want this moment to last forever.
Looking up slightly you see the large mirror, see yourself. A tiny thing, with freaky ears, horns and a tail.
It was… good, while it lasted. Almost like a dream.
Tears start falling down your cheeks again and you try to be as silent as possible as you pull and lift at the bandage in your shoulder. And there underneath it is… something?
Your fingers trace a mark, a wound, it stings and you hiss.
No way. There is no way.
Hope flutters in your chest, your stomach flips and you feel dizzy, nervous. A bonding mark? Is it real? Is it still there?
You shuffle out of the nest as fast and stealthily as you can, standing in front of the mirror. Hair a mess, eyes wide, pale in fear.
And there it is. The clear mark of an Alpha bite, still rather tender. A claim. A bond.
You start sobbing as you trace it, touch it, feel it. It must have been hours, there is no way…
It’s there, it’s there, for real. You want to laugh, to cry, you’re still nervous, scared, hopeful, happy, a million things at once.
But how? Why now?
“Hnng… darling? Are you crying again?” You stiffen as you hear the voice, deep and hoarse, laced with drowsiness. You turn and see him sit up and yawn carelessly like a rishboland tiger. Elegant and intimidating like one too with his bright golden eyes, Alpha fangs and muscled figure. Still naked as well, you note.
“T-the bonding mark… it’s still there!” You exclaim to him, gesturing to it.
“You should let it heal nicely.”
“Y-You don’t get it!” You huff. “My Lord… it’s still there! I’m bonded, I’m yours!”
He chuckles. “Rather, I would say we belong to each other, now.”
Belong to each other.
That sounds nice.
You turn back to the mirror, still staring at it, poking it with a finger softly, as if afraid it’ll disappear, as if it was an illusion, a dream.
But it’s there.
“For years… for years I thought I was doing s-something wrong, that there was something… wrong… with me…” You cry softly. “No Alpha had even bonded me…”
Suddenly you feel strong arms curl around your frame, a chin resting at your shoulder where it kisses your skin, and then brushes over the mark. It stings but you welcome it.
It means it’s real, all of this is.
Zhongli inhales, taking in your scent. “Well you see my dear, a dragonblood… a xiānshòu like you, can only be truly bonded by one of its own kind.”
The words take a moment to process, to sit on your brain, and you frown confused, staring at him from the mirror. And then your eyes widen.
Golden antlers crown his head, majestic and almost glowing, small scales appear under his striking amber eyes, the color of burnt ocher. A large tail, even bigger than yours in golden and brown hues, sways lazily behind him, before finding yours and intertwining with it, the feel is foreign but not unwelcome. Like holding hands.
You turn around so fast you almost trip if it weren’t for his hold. The dragonblood features are still there, in plain sight.
Your throat feels dry.
“You… you’re…”
He raises a finger to his lips and shushes you, then smiles. “I am yours my dear. Just as you are now mine.”
You cling to him and hide your face on his chest as you cry. Overwhelmed, relieved.
Yes, this is where you belong.
#zhongli smut#genshin smut#genshin impact smut#genshin x you#genshin impact x you#genshin x reader#genshin impact x reader#zhongli x reader#zhongli x you#genshin imagines#genshin impact imagines#crys writes#fem reader#PLS I LOVE THIS IDEA SO MUCH????#this took SOOOO LONG SORRY AAAAAAA#idek what to say here lma just enjoy hope ppl like it bc.... it's so long;;;;;#got a pretty header tho serious business :O#LohK#just in case (?)
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