#it's very me very much my comfort zone but...sometimes that's nice

[johndonneswife]

Ms. Venus pleasssse share your impeccable taste in the form of pinterest boards with the class, thank you. Also I miss your presence on Tumblr and I selfishly wish you had plans to come back to the fandom side of things but I’m wishing you the best from afar!!

i would totally share my beautiful boards with u if not for the fact that i had a full blown meltdown on pinterest abt yuri on ice and i have soooo many freaking yoi pins lmao and iiiit’s a lil mortifying actually. but i promise my wedding & fashion moodboards are 🤌🏻

[eyra]

stuff what I have learnt about writing good

If you've followed me for longer than two minutes then you'll likely know (because I keep going on about it) that I've been working on a novel for the past year. It's always been a dream of mine to write and publish a book and whilst I still have a long way to go before I can even start thinking about querying (whether on this book, or the next, or the next, etc.) I suppose I can now say that a book Exists. I have written A Book.

Now whether or not that book ever sees the light of day, the process of writing it has been truly eye-opening. I went in knowing virtually nothing and came out, still with a huge amount to learn, but with a whole library of tools that I didn't have before. I'm now putting these to use with the first draft of my second book and already the process feels so much more enjoyable, because I've started to figure out how to make it work for me.

I wanted to jot down what I've learnt purely for my own reference so I can keep looking back and reminding myself what worked for me first time around, but given that I get a nice number of asks picking my brain about my own writing process, I thought I might as well share all this with you lot in case there's anyone out there who finds it useful!

So here are the big things that I've learnt so far...

1. Not every trick works for every writer

This has been, by far, my biggest learning. Starting to plan a novel for me felt SO overwhelming - I felt like I was bombarded on all sides with "this is how to write a novel" content, and it felt like there was just too much to learn and like I would never find my way through it. I spent weeks (months...) doing every worksheet, every outlining method, every chart, anything I could get my hands on. Some of them, by the end, proved themselves very useful. A lot of them didn't. There are thousands of voices online that are telling you "this is the right way to write a book" or even "this is the ONLY way to write a book" - don't listen to them. Try things, but don't feel like you have to fit yourself into every single box. Just find the things that work for you.

2. It's possible to overplan

On a related note - sometimes you just need to start writing. I spent WAY TOO LONG faffing about before I put pen to paper with my first book. So, so long planning out characters and plot points, a lot of which I then had to completely reimagine mid-draft because I realised they just didn't work anymore. In hindsight, some of this was down to me being scared to actually start writing - the planning stage was a bit of a comfort zone for me, despite not naturally being a plotter/architect - I have always always always been a pantser/gardener, but I got sucked into the whole "proper authors do it THIS way" narrative.

With my second novel, I did a nice amount of planning but then just bit the bullet and started drafting. I know where my story begins, ends, what my major themes are, I know all my main characters and I know my key plot points. The rest, I'm figuring out as I draft. If nothing else - I'm having a lot more fun this time around.

3. Think about voice and tense before drafting

Yeah duh obvious right? NOT TO ME. If you were following me around April time, you may have witnessed a series of minor breakdowns when I realised that, having written a whole first draft in third person present tense, the entire book should actually have been written in first person past tense. So that meant, basically, starting over from scratch. This was a big learning for me, and not a mistake I'm likely to make again.

4. Stop looking at your word count

For someone who's never really put much thought into word count before - my approach with fanfiction has already been "it'll be as long as it'll be" - I got OBSESSED with the word count of my first couple of drafts. A lot of people will tell you that any good novel "has to be" under 100k words. I constantly see this one post on Pinterest that says "I promise you that you can tell the story you want to tell in 100k words or under." I'm definitely no expert on this (and I'll eat my words when an agent tells me my manuscript needs cutting down), but I'm sceptical - a lot of stories can and should be under 100k words, sure, but most of my favourite books are much longer than this. However, I did get stuck in a "this manuscript has to be between 70k and 100k words" mindset and felt like a failure whenever it was sitting outside of that bracket. Also - keep your genre in mind. If you're writing a rom-com, 70k could work perfectly. If you're writing fantasy, you're probably going to go over that.

5. Know whether you're an overwriter or an underwriter

And related to the above - know whether you tend to write bare bones-style then add to it, or whether you tend to dump it all on the page then cut back later. I'm the first, and I knew this, but I still panicked when my first draft was only around 70k. I felt like it was rushing through the plot at an unreasonable pace and it didn't feel "finished". This was because it was a first draft. By the time I sent my manuscript to my beta reader, it was around 126k.

6. The dumb stuff works

The title of the document for my first draft was "XXX - worst possible version" and at multiple points during the drafting process I changed the font to Comic Sans size 48. It works. Completely takes the pressure off and gives you full permission to write big, write silly, write unhinged, write mad things that you'll cut back by 90% later. But it gets it all on the page. If you're stuck or cringing at yourself in Times New Roman size 12, try Comic Sans size 48.

7. Don't compare your first draft to your favourite book

Like an idiot, I did this. I still find myself doing it. It's possibly my worst writing habit. I'll type out a page at 11pm after a full day at work and no dinner and then I'll pick up a published book and think "ah man, the page I've just written is nowhere NEAR as good as this." Published books are fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh drafts that then go through months and months of editing. Do not compare your manuscript to a published book. Just don't do it.

8. Don't try to be That Author

Good writers are good readers. Absolutely read broadly, read deeply, just read. Fiction, non-fiction, poetry, everything. And it's fine to find yourself influenced by other writers - that's how writing works. But don't try to BE other writers. One of the issues I had to unpick last year was that I was reading a lot of authors whose writing styles are very different to my own. I know my own style fairly well by this point - fanfiction's a great sandbox for figuring that out - but at certain moments during my editing phases I found myself cutting away at my prose because it felt "too different" to the books I was reading at the time. This was a weird thing for me to have done, and I went back and fixed it later.

I think what I'm trying to say with this one is: take inspiration from everywhere, let yourself be influenced by different writing styles, but find your own voice and trust it. Literature already has a Sally Rooney and a Donna Tartt and a Leigh Bardugo. It doesn't need a clone - it needs you!

I'll finish by sharing what I've found to be the most useful plotting template. This obviously isn't the total extent of my planning process by any means, but after trying about a million different plotting techniques for my first manuscript, this is the one:

The 27 chapter method (more examples here)

And finally, two little character tricks that I find invaluable:

AITAH?

Character philosophy

I hope someone out there finds something useful in this post! Although I've been writing in some capacity since I was a teenager, 2024 was definitely the year I realised that I am a writer at my core. I want to be a published author, but I'm already a writer. It brings me happiness like nothing else in the world! And I love to talk about all aspects of writing, so my ask box is always very much open.

Happy scribbling! x

[wlwsoccerfics]

Big Sister Energy(Alexia PutellasXMeadReader)

Warnings: Google translate used.

Summary: You are 18 years old, away from England and just got dumped by your girlfriend. Alexia is there for you and you have a talk.

You didn't do very well and everyone could see it. Especially Alexia. You still were playing good football, but it was obvious that right now your heart wasn't in it. And you looked like you hadn't slept in weeks. Which was actually quite true. Your girlfriend, well now ex has dumped you for one of her ex boyfriends and went back to him around two weeks ago.

"pequeña? ¿qué ocurre?" Alexia asked you as you both walked to your seperate cars after practice. You frown a little but decided to play it cool. "I am fine, Alexia!" You let her know. Even though it was obvious that you weren't.

"y/n, i know this isn't true! You look like death!" She informed you.

You roll your eyes a little but also felt stressed about it.

"Mi novia rompió conmigo(my girlfriend broke up with me)!" You whispered out. She frowned softly.

"what happened exactly?" The blonde asked.

"Vanya went back to her ex boyfriend!" You sobbed out and now started crying again. Alexia quickly pulled you into a hug, frowning even more. She never really liked your ex and now she was once again reminded why. Alexia was always protective of you. You joined the team almost a year ago. First you were living with Keira until you turned 18 and wanted to be on your own. Keira was your teammate, one of your fellow lionesses. She also was quite protective of you. Probably because Bethy your sister has asked her to to keep an eye on you. But you didn't know If that actually was true.

Anyways you hugged Alexia back who was holding you in her arms right now.

"Estoy aquí para ti." she whispered against your forehead. Palcing a soft kiss on it.

"you act alot like my older Sister Beth!"you told her, smiling slighlty through your tears. honestly you would never have thought that you would end up in Barcelona one day and play Professional football over there. Outside of your comfort zone. You practiced all your Life at Arsenal but never ended up playing for your Senior Team. Instead you were here now. Your sister missed you lots and you missed her as well. But you tried to avoid her because somehow she found out about the breakup And you didn't want to worry her with how awful you sounded. Your guess was that Keira told her. In fact alot of the Girls from the english national team tried to reach out. So did Viv your sister-in-law.

"well you are a bit like a Baby sister i want to protect!" Alexia admitted.

"i am not a baby but i for sure appreciate to have you as my 'sister away from home!'" you told her, smiling softly, wiping away the tears.

"you are still so young. You are just 18 years old. Can't help that i feel protective of you cause of that! Cause you are way too sweet sometimes. It's not a bad thing but Vanya didn't deserve someone as sweet and kind as you cause she is the devil." Alexia answered.

"thank you." You simply just replied. Breathing in and out to calm down as much as possible. Crying was quite exhausting.

"it's true. Now you come home with me and we get some food. Then you need sleep. And tomorrow morning you gonna call your loved ones!" Alexia told you. She didn't leave you much of a choice. Saying you can drive to practice together and your Car and stay in the parking lot. So you just got into her car.

You did ended up calling Beth the next morning and she told you that she was close to dropping everything to check on you personally. So good thing Alexia got you to open up. It was nice to know you had a support system at Home and here in Barcelona.

After a few days you actually started feeling human again. Thanks to everyone that cared about you.

[zae-heeyyy]

Chiaroscuro

Summary: You're very fond of silk scarfs and Arthur Morgan. Pairing: Arthur Morgan x Female!Reader Word Count: 1,555 Tags: fluff, developing relationship, Horseshoe Overlook, kissing, affection

a/n: It's been 10 years since I've written and published any type of fiction, so I'm a bit out of my comfort zone. Also learned that they mostly used "scarfs" instead of "scarves" in the 20th century so I wrote accordingly. Let me know if you enjoy; thanks for reading!

( ´˘ᴗ˘)♡(´ ❥ `✿)

chiaroscuro: an Italian term used in art to describe the contrast between light and dark, often associated with dramatic lighting.

You let yourself indulge in one of the few simple pleasures you could afford: silk scarfs. Your clothing trunk was full of them; they were light and didn’t take up a lot of space, something you had to think about in your line of work. The often patterned and bright pieces of fabric were soft and delicate, two things you frequently wished you could be if your life had gone differently. You didn’t want to admit it, but you cared about looking pretty. You didn’t like to go out of your way to style your hair or put on makeup daily, so you settled on scarfs. Still, you didn’t feel like you were easily noticed, like Mary Beth or Molly, but you’d caught the attention of the only one you’d care to, Arthur Morgan. 

Arthur had started to notice your growing collection. He invariably knew when you were wearing a new one, always taking the time to acknowledge it. “New scarf?” He’d ask with his brows raised, or “That’s a nice one.” Sometimes, he’d tease you, “We’re gonna have to get you a whole wagon for all those scarfs.” More seriously, he had started complimenting you, “looks mighty fine, miss,” he’d say, tilting his hat. You’d flush and thank him shyly, and the two of you would go about your separate ways.

Then, the cowboy started seeking you out in the mornings, leaning casually against the wagon where your clothing trunk and scarfs were stored. The two of you would share small talk while you picked out your scarf for the day. He would smile and nod in approval of your choice, no matter what it was, and then he was gone again, disappearing like a whisper in the wind. Once, he leaned over you, grabbed a specific scarf from the pile, and held it out, “That one’s my favorite,” he’d say, making you work to maintain your composure when you were beaming inside. 

After a week or two, your communication was much less vocal. It was intense eye contact and shy smiles and nods. He’d silently look through your scarfs, pick one, and wrap it around your neck for you. He seemed so confident in the moment but would scratch his chin and look away right after, finding some excuse to swiftly depart. His sudden lack of confidence embarrassed him, but you found it endearing.

Finally, the tension had built. Arthur was wrapping your scarf around you like he’d started to do, and you grabbed onto his hands as he finished tying the knot. Both of you paused, staring intently at one another. You lifted up on your toes just as he bent to reach you. It was hard to say who kissed who first, but you’d never been kissed so gently and tender. You wondered if you’d made him want to be that way-- gentle and tender, words no one would usually use to describe the outlaw. You could’ve kissed him forever, but you had to breathe, and he had a job to do. But you’d been giddy, and your heart would flutter whenever he was around; it also ached for the following day when you’d have your moment with him again. 

Some mornings, he’d be there waiting before you’d even gotten completely dressed, still in your shift and bloomers from the night before. He’d hand you a metal cup of coffee, and you’d stand close together, shoulders touching, and you two would go on about whatever came to mind. When you couldn’t waste any more time, he’d pick out your scarf and tie it around your neck. You’d share your anticipated kiss before he went off on whatever errands Dutch wanted him to run for the day. 

You’d found him sitting alone another day, seeking solace from camp with his back against a large rock. His head was dipped into his journal, sketching so intensely that he didn’t notice your approach. You’d only caught a glimpse of pencil markings on the page when he looked up, saw you, and closed it. You’d wonder what he was always writing in that thing, but you respected him enough not to ask. He reached out for your hand and pulled you down to sit with him, not letting it go for the entirety of your conversation. You and he would spend hours behind the boulder, lost in conversation. The mystery of the leather-bound book’s contents would fade away, consumed by memories he’d share with you.

But you’d find out sooner than later by accident. Arthur hadn’t returned to camp in a few days, which was typical. However, it wasn’t normal for him to stalk straight to his tent on his return. His routine usually involved stopping by the donation box or sitting by the fire and, lately, seeking you out. You discovered him in his tent, digging through his satchel, his brows furrowed in frustration. His face softened as you approached, and he looked at you, scratching the back of his neck.

“Lost my damn pencil,” the brooding man murmured, looking around his tent.

You helped him look around his tent and through his satchel, taking the leap to dump all its contents onto the cot. Cigarette cards, documents, herbs, feathers, and his journal fell onto the bed. You’d started to give up when you noticed the gray tip of the pencil sticking out of the journal. You flipped the book open without thinking, too caught up in being the solution to his problem to realize you were about to invade his privacy. As you went to grab the pencil from the crease of the journal, your eyes fell on the bookmarked page. The markings on the paper were so detailed and intricate that you couldn’t help but draw your eyes to them. You’d gone quiet, and he turned to face you. His eyes landed on the open journal briefly before you closed it hastily. Handing it back with the pencil on top, you murmured a quick apology. You looked away from him, putting the contents of his satchel back and going to stand. He gently grabbed your wrist as you tried to leave, making you stop in place. Without resistance, you found yourself guided to the cot, where he sat down, pulling you beside him. His face was soft but riddled with thought as he opened his mouth to speak.

“I—“he paused, searching for the words but decided to show you instead. In your full view, he opened the book, smoothing the pages over his lap. Above an inscription, he’d drawn a flower. You recognized it instantly as a printed flower from a scarf you wore a few days before. Your fingers reached to absent-mindedly touch the fabric around your neck. Then the words caught your eyes and made them almost fill with tears, “That girl and her scarfs bring color to my dull, dull life.” You laughed and wrapped your arms around him. As surprised as he was, he wrapped his around you and held you close for a while

The gunslinger had been less shy after that, keeping the journal open when you’d come to sit beside him behind the rock. He’d sometimes tear a page out and hand it to you or leave it for you to find. You’d started finding them all over the camp. He’d leave one in your clothing trunk, caring to leave several if he knew he’d be away from camp for a while, or you’d find one tucked under your pillow when you went to lay down for the night. The sketches were always so identical to your scarfs that you knew exactly which scarf he was thinking about when he drew it. You’d study the drawings, noticing all the elaborate lines. You wondered how the images stuck in his mind so easily, but he’d confessed to you that every part of you stuck in his mind, always. 

You woke and walked to the wagon one day, but he wasn’t there. In his absence was a small box wrapped in twine with a bundle of English mace sticking out of the top. Your name was scrawled across a tag in his handwriting. You opened it to a pool of plain white silk. “Pure as you” was written on a piece of torn paper on the inside. You beamed but left it in the box and tucked it away with all your other scarfs. 

Arthur returned to camp in the evening just as Pearson had served the stew. As he approached, he smiled at you, but his smile fell when he noticed your unusual lack of a scarf. 

“Did you—“he started to ask, but you threw your arms around him and cut him off with a kiss. 

“‘Course I did,” you pulled him to the spot at the wagon and held the box to him, “Just been waiting for you to tie it on.”

His mouth formed into a slight grin, his chest rising and falling with a deep chuckle.

“Wouldn’t have it any other way, darlin'.”

He enveloped you in the scarf, sealing his gesture with another affectionate kiss. As you sat together at the fire, you were engulfed by another type of warmth–– your feelings for Arthur. Though neither of you had said it yet, you knew you loved him, and he loved you too.

[simpingforthemm]

being blair waldorf's girlfriend hc's

bullets: 43

warnings: none

summary: dating blair waldorf would include / blair waldorf dating hc's

a/n: I love blair sm and I enjoyed writing this for her! I got inspired since I'm currently watching gossip girl while sick and it's a nice series though it has a lot of drama lol. anyways enjoy!

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

blair loves to boss you around but not in the "oh do this and that for me" way but more in a "no don't touch that, y/n! y/n I told you to stay by my side!" way

blair is super protective of you and she's kind of like a helicopter mom whenever the two of you are together

she holds your hand the entire time when you're out at a party, acting like you're in danger and keeps you away from alcohol at all costs

if someone messes with you, she won't hesitate to dig up some dirt about them and expose them in front of everyone

she wouldn't do it anonymously on gossip girl though, she would make sure the person harassing you would know it was her, your girlfriend, and that they should stay away from you

or else

you two have sleepovers a lot, you love doing each other's makeup, watching gilmore girls together and cuddle a lot <3

she definitely brags about you in front of her clique and serena

"while you losers are out going to this stupid party, I'm going to the theater to watch a play, with my girlfriend"

she loves to spoil you (her love language is probably gift giving or words of affirmation + physical touch)

she knows exactly what you like so it's very easy for her to buy gifts for you

probably has a list in her room somewhere of things that you hate / love / dislike / like

she knows what beauty products you like, what smell is your favorite, your favorite colour, favorite author, favorite kind of clothes, gold or silver jewelry

when the two of you are in an especially good place she'll probably come to your apartment (or your shared apartment who knows) and just yell "Honey, I went shopping!" and then just have like 10 shopping bags in the living room, full of stuff just for you

she gets pretty easily annoyed with you when she's not getting what she wants or when she's frustrated with her friends (yes, sometimes she lets it out on you)

she's always very quick to apologize, knowing that you're her sweetheart and that you only want the best for her 🩷

you are one of the only people that can help her get through her mood swings and calm her down when she feels like the whole world is crashing down on her again

when her parents got a divorce, you were right by her side, holding her hand throughout the whole thing and being more her best friend than serena ever could

christmas or any other holiday is always so amazing because she puts in a lot of effort to make them special

will do romantic festive dates with you like go to the christmas market, take a walk through the winter wonderland in central park, go to festive little parties together

you probably have a lot of traditions

like on the first day of school you both will get donuts for breakfast or when there's a ball coming up, the both of you will go shopping together

I could picture that you're not that into shopping (which blair thinks is a total embarrassment) so she will pick out a few dresses for you (since she knows what looks good on you)

she will let you choose the dress you want but will whine if you don't choose the dress she thinks is best

"but y/n!! the blue one looks so much better on you! choose that one!"

blair is very bossy and probably wears the pants in your relationship

she likes to be in control

but you make her step out of her comfort zone sometimes and "make her do crazy things", like she would call it

one time blair whined about her high heels hurting her feet and that she couldn't dance in those goddamn shoes

so the next day you took her to buy sneakers, so that she could dance properly and not be hindered by her heels (pic in the collage with the two girls in the red and blue dresses, they're wearing sneakers hehe)

"No, y/n, no! I won't be wearing this monstrosity of a shoe to a party! What if someone will see, huh?

"Come on, babe! No one will see, I promise! And if so, there's no shame in wanting to not hurt your feet and dance!"

She groans but puts on the shoes regardless

and the both of you have the best night ever, dancing until dawn

also, dorota loves you and thinks you're such a sweetheart

whenever you come over to blair's apartment, she gets really excited, asking you how you've been and telling you how "Miss Blair missed you very much"

you're also probably good friends with Serena and Chuck, since these are the people she's closest with

also you and Blair love to gossip, especially about other people

you always have some kind of drama to discuss or some person to embarrass and take down

you're sort of "partners in crime" even though she hates getting you involved in that stuff

you're probably the most iconic couple at your school and there's a lot of attention on you two because on the upper east side, there aren't a lot of lesbian couples

but you're so in love and there's nobody that could not be jealous of your jealous of your relationship

because you're literally perfect together

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

[crossingthedreams]

blood — the ghoul x f!reader

a/n: yay, i’m posting day 04 — blood on day 06! lol, i’m terrible at time management, but i’m still set on doing this whole challenge! and also, fight me, but walton goggins as the ghoul is INSANELY hot. also, his wife is directing a movie starring him and pedro pascal, so I guess i’m still very much in my comfort zone…? anyway, enjoy! 

summary: humanity is not exclusive to humans, violence is definitely not exclusive to humans. and, apparently, neither is being loved by other humans.

word count: 2k

warnings: angst. age gap. mentions of smut. violence. aggression towards the reader. blood. bad jokes, lol

You couldn’t really fix him, but irredeemableness was hot sometimes.

You ran into each other for the first time about a decade ago, when you were only a young girl finding a place in the world. What caught his eyes all those years ago was the way you naturally knew morals were relative, but ethics were not. An eye for an eye, kill or be killed, that was the law of the wastelands — you realized this very soon, and your priorities were only to enjoy whatever time you had on this violent, destroyed, weird, but still beautiful Earth. 

He helped you get your very first job making inventories for a big store in a small town where he stopped by to collect bounty, and from then on you made quite a life for yourself. You knew mathematics, and you had quite the way with words. Being a young woman helped, too. Customers always liked pretty things. 

He visited you every now and then. You were his only ally left in this town. He came by when he could and stayed while he pleased, never one to announce his arrival or departure. Once he disappeared for two years, and you were sure he was dead — dead for real.

As always, he proved himself resistant. Like a radroach. 

You weren’t the least surprised when he walked in through the front door of your store like he owned the place, looking around and whistling in a complementary fashion. 

“Who’d you sleep with to get such a… prestigious job, sweetheart?”, his half smile matched his mischievous expression. That accent was unmistakable.

You closed the book you were writing the inventory, not bothering to greet or acknowledge him. 

“We’re closed”. 

“Even for dear ol’ friends?”.

“Oh, I’m sorry, did closed mean something else in the good ol’ days?”, your response was harsher than you thought, as you kept on organizing the balcony. He liked it, though, always one to nurture any violence you had within you, even if it was directed towards him. 

The half smile was still there. “Sweetheart,” his accent was really strong, and it was music to your ears, although you’d never admit, “you have a place full of them goods, and I got a handful of pretty little caps”.

“We can make this work”, you finally let your gaze meet his. He looked even less human than last time. The hole on the place where his nose should be no longer surprised you, but the yellow in his teeth did. You knew he could very well take better care of his hygiene. “What do you need? Clothes, perfume?”.

“Ouch! Kitty’s got claws”, he brought a hand to his chest, pretending to be hurt, and you realized his fingers were more necrotic, too. “I’d like that, yes, but I’d enjoy vials and a nice warm bath much more. Present company invited, but not required”. 

You walked from behind the counter, bringing yourself closer to him. He looked more tired than usual, also restless. His eyes scanned your body from head to toe, taking a little longer in some place. You crossed your arms in front of you, letting him look. As you well knew, customers liked pretty things. 

He took a deep sniff, and his eyes rested on your stomach. 

“You smell like a Christmas dinner, darling”, he took several steps closer, moving faster than you could. What he didn’t know was that, while you cleaned the counter, you got your pistol. Now, that pistol was aiming towards him. 

“You’re acting weird, friend”, if the years had taught you anything, it was to ever trust people, and never rely on the sanity of a ghoul. Even if it was the Ghoul.

He receded, arms up in surrender. “I wasn’t gonna hurt you, gorgeous”, he tilted his head, “I never have”. 

In the many years your paths crossed, he had been a friend, a customer, and sometimes a lover. He never let you please him, barely let you kiss him, but he enjoyed laying you on the bed like a meal and eating you out for as long as he could. This dinner comment of his wouldn’t have alarmed you, but paired with the shifting eyes and the appearance he had on today, you knew there was something wrong. 

“Took me a delicious vial some hours ago, sweetheart”, he spoke calmly, and you realized he understood. In your mind, at least, he saw the roughness in you and understood it. After all, he too had to compromise morals in order to prevail in a batshit world. You liked that he would make you feel understood, even if only for a small amount of time. But you liked surviving more, and better safe than sorry was your life motto. 

You lowered the gun. You weren’t even sure it would hurt him at all. “Why are you here?”.

“You always speak so correctly, doll. Enunciating every. single. word”, he took a step to the side, admiring the pieces behind your counter. The Ghoul looked back from his shoulder. “You’re on your period, huh?”

“What the fuck?”

“Us, ghouls”, he passed a finger on the top of the counter, examining his fingertips afterwards, looking for dust that wasn’t there, “we have a heightened sense of smell, and your blood is mighty fine”, he turned fully towards you, the entire length of the counter between you. 

You put the gun on the counter and crossed your arms. He wanted something, and whatever bullshit he thought he had to tell to get there was, quite honestly, just aggravating. 

You were about to repeat the question, why are you here, but you simply opened and closed your mouth. It would be better to call his name, then ask the question, but you didn’t know his name. Ten years, many encounters, countless times saving each other's asses, and you didn’t know his name. He didn’t know yours, but still. 

“Do ghouls bleed?”, you asked, instead, trying to avoid whatever emotions you just tapped into. Out of sight, out of mind.

He tilted his head. “Why, gorgeous, I don’t know where your mind just went. But I’m damn sure this ain’t the question you wanna ask”. 

You always felt anxious around him, for a number of reasons. If he decided you were better off as food, then you were a goner. If he decided he wanted to kill you, also bye-bye. But what if he did that thing he did sometimes, and looked at you with more humanity than any of the people you grew up with? What if he kissed your neck and made you wonder how touching his skin must feel like? The times you and him got physically involved, he was always very distant. Kept his clothes on, even his hat — except for the one time he let you use it. 

He would let you ride his tight, and he would finger you with gloved hands, too. He went down on you sometimes, and it felt incredible. But that was that. No kissing on the lips, no letting you see him unclothed. 

And that made you wonder…

“...did your dick fall off of you, too?”

“What the fuck?”, it was his turn to be shocked.

The words came out before you could even stop then. Both your hands went straight to your mouth, covering it as if you could it back. The Ghoul looked amused and annoyed at the same time. 

“If you want something, sweetheart, all you have to do is ask”. 

“I-I don-n’t, I didn’t m-mean i-it”, your words were incomprehensible as you tried to lighten the mood, mostly for yourself. Embarrassment didn’t suit you. 

He let out a tiny smile, and pointed to a pair of chairs you owned as if he was the owner. “Sit down”.

“You don’t have to…”, you wanted to make him feel comfortable, but you were far too uneasy to do so. Surely, your cheeks were flushed. 

“Just sit down, woman”.

And so you did. It was rare that the Ghoul would want to talk, let alone have an actual conversation. Truth be told, your curiosity got the best of you. 

“Simply put, yes ghouls bleed, yes ghouls have their, uh, genitals, fully intact. But that’s as far as I know, I don’t go around examining private parts in every ghoul I meet”, you both let out a quiet laugh. “Ask away”. 

Your confusion must have been clear on your face, because he followed: “You can ask me something, and I might reply. In return, you’ll give me some vials and food. Sound good?”

It sounded awful. Yet, you found yourself agreeing. You were a business woman, and information went a long, long way. You just had to be very careful and ask only the right questions. Not too personal, not too detached. And he knew all this, which was way starting off was easy, even if you were still a little embarrassed. 

“Does my blood smell that strongly?”

He let out a loud laugh. It was the first time, in all those years he was your acquaintance, he did so, and you thought it sounded lovely. 

“Yes”, he replied, his eyes darkening. Desire or hunger, you would never know. “Yes, it does. But all blood has a very pungent smell, so don’t go getting self-conscious".

“Would you ever kill me?”.

“Yes”, he said without a care in the world. “And I hope that, if it ever came down to my life or yours, you had the balls to shoot me in the head too”.

You nodded, once. 

“If you ever go feral and I find out, would you want me to kill you?”

He nodded, twice.

“I sure hope you’d do an old man a favor and end his miserable life if he ever lost his mind, girl”, again, there it was. That humanity in his eyes. That which would differ him from humans and ghouls. 

It made you all the more anxious as you looked at his fingers, which looked more necrotic than ever. You liked him, you considered him a friendly stranger and that was the worst part. You picked the flask from inside your coat and passed it to him. 

“Do you want to spend the night?”, you said as he took a long sip. 

He put the flask down and smiled, ever the heart-breaker. “Nah, sweetheart, I got some stuff to attend. I will take my stuff, though”. 

Disappointed, but not surprised, you went to the back to pick up the merchandise he needed. When you came back, his head was down on the table that sat in between the chairs you were using, and you rushed next to him. Eyes closed. 

Next to his mouth, some blood stained the table. 

You hit him once, twice. “Hey!”, you called, hoping to elicit some kind of response, but he was out. He wasn’t dead, but he was weak and passed out on your ‘for sale’ furniture.

The Ghoul coughed hardly, more blood coming out of his mouth, as he seemed to come to his senses slowly. He jumped a little, looking scared, and stood up taking you by your throat. 

“What the fuck did you do to me?”

You couldn’t reply even though you tried. He was choking you too hard, and not in a good way. 

He tossed you on the floor, and the impact against the counter hurt and made some things, some glass things, break. You knew your blood was probably everywhere, but you could only bring yourself to look at the Ghoul, your heart aching. 

The look on his face was not one of hatred, it was pure confusion and terror. He saw the bag of goods you had set aside for him, went towards it quickly and picked it up, all while you tried to sit up, mouth bloody and several cuts all over your arms.

He left without even looking back.

[kasagia]

right hand IV mini spoiler?🤭

One spoiler may be that I'm doing everything I can to get IV published this week, on Friday at the latest (and I'll probably do it, keep your fingers crossed for me). 😅🙈

But here is a fragment of part IV: 😈😈

(...)

"Yeah… he can be quite a pain in the ass." You nod, shifting your gaze to Feyd. He danced with Irulan. You try to ignore the pang in your heart, and without thinking much, you reach for two glasses, handing one to Fevas. The two of you make a quick toast, and you're relieved to feel the burning sensation of the alcohol masking the unexpected bitterness you feel.

"Well, since he's busy... will you allow me the immense honour of having my toes trampled by you?" You look briefly at the harpies, considering his proposition. It wouldn't hurt anyone if you will have a one dance with your old friend, right?

One of the harpies nods at you while the other two stare daggers at Irulan. And in that very moment, you decide that you will not allow yourself to become another of Na-Baron's harpies. You'd rather die than become the other jealous woman.

"I am better dancer than I used to be. You can get very surprised." You respond flirtatiously, offering him your hand. You giggle, rolling your eyes as he leans down and plants a kiss on it.

"Really? Impossible. The last time you danced with me, I had to go to a medic to heal my poor, trampled toes."

"And yet you still want to dance with me..." You reply teasingly as he leads you to the dance floor. He wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you a little too close to him for comfort. But neither of you care.

You think it's nice to feel seen and desired. It was certainly better to have a charming man like Fevas than to prop up the walls at a party. Sometimes being in the shadows bothered you. And even though Fevas was... too lively for you, right now you wanted to break out of your comfort zone for a moment. You knew he was perfect for this.

You didn't realise that the blue eyes of a certain Harkonnen were piercing your companion with a hateful look, which especially intensified when Fevas wrapped his arms tightly around your waist and leaned towards you to whisper in your ear.

(...)

"I think you've forgotten who I am to you, little witch. Say it."

"I… you are the Na-Baron." He hums dissatisfyingly, shaking his head at your response.

"Try again."

"Future Baron of Giedi Prime." Your answer was again unsatisfactory to him. You shiver as you feel him press the dagger against your chest, the tip of the blade playing with the strings holding the corseted bodice of your dress together. If he used a little bit of the dress, it would expose your breasts to his view.

"Don't play stupid, or I will punish you in front of everyone. And I wish that dirty, walking pile of muscles that had his hands on you didn't see me slapping your beautiful, little ass red. In fact, I'd rather be the only one enjoying this view, so be my good girl and tell me whose remains I'll throw to my harpies tonight?"

You hold your breath at his words. Feyd couldn't visit his harpies tonight. Not when they were supposed to be busy... getting rid of the baron's corpse. You think quickly, trying to find the best way out of the situation without condemning Fevas to a certain death. Feyd's intense, urgent gaze makes you blurt out words in an act of pure panic and thoughtlessness that you have probably never said to him before.

"No."

I hope you want more... 😊🩵🩵🖤🖤

[mrs-stans]

Inside Sebastian Stan’s Winning Look at the Golden Globes 2025

With help from Frank Sinatra and hopes of a postshow burger, the Prada- and Cartier-clad Stan prepared for his first major awards show victory.

BY SAVANNAH WALSH

Sebastian Stan entered the Golden Globes 2025 with two chances at winning—nominated for both his portrayal of Donald Trump in The Apprenticeand his more comedic performance as Edward, an aspiring actor living with neurofibromatosis, in A Different Man. But in the lead-up to his big night, Stan was eager to put his double nominations into perspective, instead focusing on what he could control: a hearty postceremony meal. “You always read about people having burgers or somethingafter these award shows,” he told Vanity Fair.“I mean, that sounds kind of nice, to be honest.”

A celebratory nosh was well-earned by Stan, who won best actor in a musical-or-comedy film, his first-ever Golden Globe. After thanking A Different Man filmmaker Aaron Schimberg and his costar Adam Pearson,who has the genetic condition neurofibromatosis in real life, Stan advocated for more inclusive narratives onscreen. “Our ignorance and discomfort around disability and disfigurement has to end now,” he said. “We have to normalize it and continue to expose ourselves [and our children] to it. Encourage acceptance.”

A Different Man languished for two years before it debuted at the Sundance Film Festival, and the A24 movie later landed Stan the Silver Bear for best lead performance in Berlin. But The Apprentice, directed by Ali Abbasi and written by Vanity Fair special correspondent Gabriel Sherman, also endured a beleaguered road to distribution in the weeks before the 2024 presidential election. “Both of these films started out as major risks,” Stan told VF shortly before the Globes. As such, he’s not taking any of the recent accolades for granted.

“I feel very blessed that I have good people around me, friends who I’ve had for 20 years at this point, who remember as much as I do what it was like to be in New York City and going out to auditions and not getting it,” said Stan. “Even my mother, who has been with me over the holidays, I was growing up with her in Vienna, Austria, and not even really knowing that I was going to get to America. So when I think about those moments,” he continued, “I’m immediately humbled and on the ground. Because even as it is currently, without anything happening on Sunday, it already feels like such a win.” Stan dedicated the award to his mother and stepfather during his acceptance speech, also taking the time to profess his love to his girlfriend, actor Annabelle Wallis.

Stan spent hours in prosthetics for both A Different Man and The Apprentice, getting comfortable with a bit of metamorphosis. “I kind of liken it, for better or worse, to being in a relationship,” he said of transitioning back to himself postproduction. “I always remember somebody telling me, ‘However long you’ve been with somebody in a relationship, take away half the time, and that’s how long it’s going to take for you to get over them when you break up.’ It’s a little bit like that. It doesn’t just go away suddenly, I guess. There’s a process…that happens with it. It’s sort of a slow, gradual disconnection.”

But does Stan find it harder to disappear into a character or present as himself at an awards show? “That’s a very good question,” he said with a laugh. “Sometimes it’s easier transforming into a role…. Being yourself at an award show, it can be quite tricky, because I’m not going to an award show [thinking], Oh, I’m a funny, interesting guy. I’m feeling self-conscious.”

Nevertheless, Stan was excited to venture beyond his comfort zone in custom Prada. “It’s really fun and different, and it’s something I’ve never really worn before,” he said, crediting stylist Michael Fisher with steering him toward a different era in Hollywood. “You get romantic sometimes when you see clips in black and white of the Oscars and how people dressed up. So I think I’m more old school like that in my mindset rather than, Hey, let me take a crazy swing on this red carpet. Even though, once in a while, Michael has definitely had me in pink.” This time, though, Stan opted for a black mohair coat and trouser with contrasting white piping detail, paired with a black knit wool sweater and white poplin shirt, plus black brushed-leather lace-ups.

The “timeless and classic” vibe continued with Cartier accessories, including a [Sur]naturel transformable brooch made of 18k white gold, diamonds, and black lacquer, as well as a 1968 CartierCollection wristwatch made of 18k yellow gold, sapphire cabochon, and leather. This collaboration marked a full-circle moment for Stan, who fondly remembers wearing Cartier at May’s Cannes Film Festival, where The Apprentice premiered.

Stan’s vintage-Hollywood vision also extended to his pre-Globes playlist. “I don’t mind a little Frank Sinatra,” he told VF. “We’re going to be getting ready at the Hotel Bel-Air, and that hotel itself has such history and that Old Hollywood classic style. I might be playing some ’20s or ’30s music, something that will at least keep me under the illusion that I’m in a different time, because it does feel like a different time.”

As for grooming, Stan said that with age, he’s embraced more facial hair. “I used to be more clean-shaven when I was younger, but it also depends on what I’m working on at the time,” he said. “A lot of how I was looking this year was informed by the fact that I was shooting Thunderbolts, so there was not much I could do. Even with the hair, I don’t always want everything to be perfect or slick. Maybe that just reflects my attitude in terms of staying flexible in the moment with these things—to go, All right, keep it loose and keep it fun.”

Stan never dreamed that A Different Man and The Apprentice would debut in the same year, but they have been in conversation with each other this awards season by virtue of his involvement. “Both films, to me, are about the loss of identity and the loss of self, and to some extent denial of reality and denial of self-acceptance,” said the actor. “Both of the films focus in different ways on characters that go to great lengths to abandon their true selves.”

Stan’s searching, self-conscious characters in the two films meet ego-driven fates. Edward is “obsessed with what he doesn’t have, and then he spends the rest of the film trying to deal with the shame that he’s buried, the shame that he’s never really accepted himself,” said Stan. “Then the Trump story is very obvious to me—it’s a total loss of humanity, empathy and vulnerability, and any morals, sort of at the hands of this very self-indulgent, self-narcissistic way of life. It’s also about how far one can go to deny the truth, deny reality, and lose humanity as a cost.”

Stan’s performance in The Apprentice, which was bested by Adrien Brody’s in The Brutalistfor best male actor in a drama film, has faced a particular uphill battle given the utter Trump fatigue in many circles. “Trump is part of our lives. It’s inevitable that we’re talking about him. You go to a coffee shop, and someone’s talking about him; you open your phone, the news, whatever—he’s everywhere, even in the award season,” says Stan, who believes his film will stand the test of time for boldly “challenging, or at least the attempt was to challenge, history as it’s happening rather than waiting.”

With Trump’s second election to the presidency, it feels as if perception of The Apprentice has shifted, as evidenced by its awards season embrace so far. (Stan is also nominated at the upcoming Independent Spirit Awards.) Would that be the case had Trump been defeated? “I don’t know if I know the answer yet to that,” said Stan. “We’re all still trying to figure out how to feel, or to think, about the election and what happened and the next four years.”

In the days before his first Golden Globe victory, which involved a lively backstage reunion with his frequent Marvel costar Anthony Mackie, Stan was similarly open-minded about what’s next. “[In] Eastern Europe, we grow up with a lot of superstitions,” he said. “But this year I just basically surrendered to whatever’s going to happen. Wherever this wild sort of ride I’m on is taking me, I’m just going to kind of follow and really try to be in the moment as much as possible.”

[cawslew]

PLZ tell me some chuuatsu headcanons I love collecting themmmmmm

Also I totally agree with everything you said on their dynamic-- I've recently been exposed to way too many new ships (chuuatsu, kunichuu, kunichuuzai... etc etc), and I have fallen in love with chuuatsu and kunichuu bro😭 they have my HEART.

That's so real, BSD ships overall slay the majority of the time. Kunichuu is also a good one! Overall, I need Chuuya to be more in BSD; he needs to meet more people, smh.

But going over to the headcanons I have 👀

They technically don’t argue a lot, but they bicker constantly, specifically when Chuuya’s temper flares up and Atsushi doesn’t back down once he’s pushed too far (although it is more of a playful and sassy fight rather than actual arguments between them). They don’t hold grudges specifically because of that, as it is playful or, in the end, leads to breakthroughs in their own relationship.

They're very much "the opposites attract." Atsushi’s quiet and reflective nature overall often calms Chuuya down, while Chuuya’s boldness pushes Atsushi out of his comfort zone. They’re chaotic together, but it does balance out nicely.

Nicknames. Just nicknames. Chuuya has a horrendous habit of giving Atsushi the worst nicknames ever, and Atsushi pretends to hate it (even whining about it), but he does secretly find it endearing.

Sass everywhere. Sometimes it feels like a sass battle between the two, as Chuuya DOES use sarcastic and sassy remarks, which Atsushi isn’t scared to push back against with his own.

Chuuya wants to treat Atsushi to expensive dinners for dates. It never works. Atsushi’s simplistic nature means that while Chuuya plans for expensive dates, Atsushi always manages to get them to eat something cheap but delicious at the end of the day. The older can’t complain, though, as he does, in the end, enjoy it and even finds it endearing. Not that he’s about to admit it to anybody else.

If they live together, or Atsushi stays over for the night, Chuuya is usually a "morning grump," while Atsushi is always functional in the morning (waking up at 5 a.m. is wild, but at the same time, I get you, Atsushi... I used to have to stand up that early too a few years back). Atsushi loves to tease Chuuya about his bed head and his refusal to even speak before he drinks something.

They actually have tea times. Especially since, after some time, Atsushi developed a habit of brewing tea when Chuuya is stressed, so it became somewhat of a bonding ritual for them.

It’s not often they have missions together, but with the whole PM and ADA alliance still intact, it does happen on very rare occasions. After those missions, Chuuya sometimes drapes his jacket over Atsushi’s shoulders without really saying a word, while the other wordlessly sits beside him, offering a hand for him to hold if Chuuya looks upset.

While Atsushi is still too young to drink for now, he does somewhat pick up on Chuuya’s drinking habits. He doesn’t drink actual alcohol, usually settling on something like a soda or sparkling juice, sitting with Chuuya during his wine-drinking nights just so he can keep him company. Chuuya, in fact, appreciates the gesture a lot more than he’s willing to admit.

Atsushi isn’t stupid. He knows full well about Chuuya’s insecurities, which is why he subtly compliments Chuuya during casual conversations when he can tell Chuuya is feeling down on a particular day.

They both adopted a stray cat. It’s not to Chuuya’s ideals, as he did want a dog, but he will settle on a stray cat, which Atsushi just brings one day into the apartment... It then happens a few more times, so now they have 2–3 stray cats. Chuuya acts annoyed about it, but he does end up spoiling them with fancy treats and cozy beds.

So yeah! That’s them haha.

[tempting-andromeda]

Could you do some artist head canons with eagle flies and charles? (Maybe john and/or arthur too?) like they are the readers muse for most of their works?

(Sorry if this is too broad, i just love your work sm!)

Artist s/o headcanons

Characters: Eagle Flies, Charles Smith, Arthur Morgan, John Marston

Eagle flies

Likes to look at your drawings

Even if you don’t allow him to

Once he sees you small doodles of him he gets so flustered

Stares at it for hours

He’s exited you found him interesting enough to draw him

He doesn’t confront you about it but he does tell Paytah

Hes so excited to be like “yeah they draw! And they drew me!” And Paytah already knows because eagle flies has the worst tendency to just zone out and you take advantage of that

Gets embarrassed but now he’s like… conscious about zoning out

If you ask him to pose he does so without any hesitation!

Likes to watch you draw

Leans over your shoulder and watched how you know exactly where to place the shading

It’s all very interesting to him

He likes when you don’t hide some of his traits when you draw him

When you include the scars on his face, his sharp cheekbones, etc

He feels nice knowing you noticed those things about him

Charles Smith

He knows you draw and you’re quite the artist but doesn’t expect to be your muse

Likes to support your art but tries to keep himself out of it to not disturb you

Once he sees a sketch of himself he gets so flustered

He doesn’t feel so mean and large when you draw him

He feels soft

The main focus isn’t his furrowed brows or dark under eyes

It’s anything else but you still drew them

You still noticed them and didn’t pretend that he looked better without

Thinks it’s sweet when you draw him whom he’s working

He doesn’t see the beauty in it but you seem too and who is he to argue

Does ask for playful requests though

Has asked you to draw random animals doing human things just to humor you

Tries to ignore the warm feeling in his chest whenever you draw him though

He likes it but he doesn’t want to seem too egotistical

He just likes that you see him differently than he does

Arthur Morgan

He’s used to being pulled out of his comfort zone

Not once in his life as he ever thought “hmm I want someone to draw me”

But one day he catches you drawing him and his heart bursts

He knows a bit about art

He doesn’t use many nice things just a pencil and paper, not wanting to focus on anything all too much so he can get by

He knows art is difficult if you want to make it look good

So when he finds out you’re drawing him? He’s flattered

His hands feel clammy and his cheeks feel hot

So when you ask him to pose or if you can draw him he nearly rejects you but he quickly recovers and just asks that you don’t make it a habit

Truthfully he wants you to make it a habit

He wants to see how you see him

Is he mean and dumb looking or is he just a guy

It’s incredibly intimate to him and he doesn’t know why

He likes looking over then, lazily chewing on his nail as he looks at one of your paintings of his eyes

Will say that you’re painting the wrong man and that your picture is a different man than him but it’s special to him

John Marston

Can’t pose for shit

He’s stiff and awkward

But sometimes you catch him when he’s distracted

He’s whittling or polishing his gun and he looks…calm

He’s definitely someone you have to draw off guard

If he knows what you’re doing he’s making it awkward for the both of you

Will smile but it’s just teeth and his face is blank

But when you catch him off guard he looks so calm

Or when he’s sleeping

He likes looking at your drawings and looking at how you see him

He didn’t let you draw him because of his scars at first but now he liked seeing you draw them

You put in just as much detail like you refuse to forget them

It makes him feel nice

He does tease though

“Why didn’t you add my rugged muscles?”

[fitztragedy]

Ranking my own fics

I've had writers block for almost a year now so I decided to go down memory lane and re read all my Rivusa fics to see if I should go back to writing them or if the mood is officially dead. And then list/rank/rec them here in case any of you are interested in my thoughts of my own writing.

I decided to keep this list to just shippy rivusa fics that are over 6k words because otherwise it'd be a huge post.

Gonna be a long post so it's all under the cut! I'm curious to see what you guys think of them or if you agree with my order. And if you think I should go back to writing those two.

1st place: TEMPTING FATE (collab with @septemberrie)

I feel like this one is obvious. It's by far the most popular of my fics and one that I never get tired of re-reading. It was so fun to write and make the arts for and I loved working with Skye on it. I still get butterflies when I read all the comments, it truly warms my heart to know so many people loved it. We still get the odd comment here and there of people re-reading or reading for the first time and it makes my day whenever I see those. This fic not only holds a dear place in my heart because of all of this but it truly is, for me, the best written out of the list. I'm not very good with descriptions and since english is not my first language I feel like sometimes my dialogue comes across a bit stiff, but since this was a collab with Skye, she filled in where my weaknesses were lacking and the result was a masterpiece.

2nd place: THIN WALLS (collab with @theperfectrose)

It started as my first attempt at a multichap fic written by myself and soon I realised I did need help so I brought Iva in and I'm so glad! The result was something I'm super proud of and I also love re-reading it. It has around the same wordcount as Tempting Fate, and it's also a rom-com type fic, but it only has half the hits, kudos and comments, so if you liked TF and don't know this one I'd say maybe give it a shot and let me know what you think?

3rd place: TIRED OF PRETENDING (collab with @gossipqueen2000)

In all honesty I had forgotten this existed until I re-read it and I'm so shocked I forgot about it because it's so good! The start of the fic is probably the best start of any of my fics. Mo was the first stranger-I-met-online I collabed with and it was such a nice experience, she brings such a depth of emotions in the descriptions and you can really feel it reading her fics (and collabs). I'll definitely not make the mistake of forgetting about this fic again. And I'll never be fixing that one very obvious editing mistake contained in it.

4th place: TOLERABLE

I consider this to be the most underated of my fics, because I think it's super good but it has very few hits/comments/kudos comparing to others that I don't love as much. Not only I wrote it all by myself but I really loved how it turned out, the dialogue and the descriptions, the worldbuilding and setting of the story, the way Riven and Musa slowly fall for eachother in a arranged marriage situation. I meant it when I said in the notes that I poured my heart and soul into this and I am proud of it and actually finishing it and posting. I keep thinking of coming back to it, add another chapter or another fic in this same universe because I love the premise of it, but because of the lack of feedback I'm not sure if people would actually read it or what they'd be interested in reading about. So if you do read it pls lemme know!

5th place: TAKING IT SLOW

This is me, dipping my toes in whump and going out of my comfort zone and I'm so proud of myself for doing so. I loved how this came out. I know I keep saying I'm proud of myself for the fics I've written but I really am. I'm very self concious and I'm always comparing myself to others, thinking what I do isn't as good or thinking I shouldn't keep doing something because others do it better. Even if I tell myself that I shouldn't write for others and I should do it for myself and not mind if a fic gets few comments or kudos a part of me will always look for validation. But re reading this fic made me feel so good about my own writing, genuinely proud that I did it. I love this fic so much.

(Here is where I realise my top 5 fics' titles all start with T for some reason??)

6th place: AN INNOCENT TRUST EXERCISE

I always think this is a lil' one shot that I wrote and an okay one but then I realise it's over 10k and really good? lol I guess I have a habit of forgetting my own fics. It's the first "big" fic that I wrote by myself and I remember being so happy about this fact. Re reading it I feel like it could be better, the pacing is a bit off and the ending doesn't really match the tone of the fic, the smut feels like it came out of nowhere and some bits are cringy to read. But I still love it. Maybe one day I'll go over it again and make some edits.

7th place: SHARK WEEK (collab with @gossipqueen2000)

I love this fic and I know a lot of people adore this too but I feel like it isn't as good as the others, maybe because it's been so long since I wrote it. I do still re-read it from time to time (maybe sometimes during that time of the month for me).

8th place: ANY WAY YOU WANT IT

This is more like a collection of one shots than an actual fic but I do like it a lot. Is it self-indulgent? yes, a lot. It is a collection of smut after all. I feel like my specialty is writing funny smut and I have a blast writing it, inserting comedy and fluff into sexy situations even being an ace person in real life, lol. I have a couple more wips for the next chapters but writers block is a bitch.

9th place: THE LAST RESORT (Colab with @septemberrie)

I'm only putting this this far down on the list because we just posted 1 chapter but I still love it. This was mine and Skye's second attempt at a rom-com type multichap fic after the success of Tempting Fate and I feel like it could have turned out amazing too, but life got in the way and we haven't managed to get back into it. If you think we should give this another try let us know!

10th place: I CAN FEEL YOU

I really like this one, but I'm putting it here in the list because it isn't just Rivusa. It's Rivusa + Sky, PWP. More focused on Sky than Rivusa. But I do really like the emotion I managed to write in this and I am proud of stepping a bit our of my comfort zone with this.

11th place: WHY NOT

I feel like this one is too basic, bland, not a lot of effort or emotion was put into it. I mean not all fics need to be deep and whatever and this one is basically just PWP, which is fine too. But idk it feels unfinished, like a first draft. The first half has too many characters and I feel like I get overwhelmed when I have to write that many voices at once so it's basically just dialogue with no description. And then it switches gears to just Riven and Musa and smut. Feels like 2 different fics glued together.

Honorable Mentions (Rivusa fics listed on my AO3 that fit the +6k words criteria I set for this post but that don't quite fit my ranking list):

EN GARDE: I don't really consider this my fic because @septemberrie wrote the majority of it, I just came in as a final push at the end, but I absolutely love it and I'm so happy she let me dip my little fingers on it and write a bit. Definitelly a must if you love period/medieval AUs.

A LADY'S GUIDE TO FOOLS AND FORTUNES: Another one I don't consider my fic but had a part in the making. It was written by the forever-amazing @septemberrie with art/gifs I made for the Reverse Big Bang event. I adore it and am so SO proud of the gifs I made. One of my best ones for sure.

REASSURANCE and JUST FOR YOU (both collabs with @gossipqueen2000 and AmandaLovegood): Both of these were witten back in 2021 when Fate had just come out. Feels like ages ago. I'm putting them here because I feel like they have more Mo and Amanda than Val to be honest, I don't really remember writing them or the process of it but I really like them a lot. Again Mo has this way of writing emotion and feelings and you can just tell it was her. It feels real and raw and so good to read, whump in the best way.

[volklana]

Love's The Death of Peace of Mind

Title Comes From This Song:

Cannot recommend enough listening to this song as you read it set the whole tome for me writing.

Request: Please I'm on my knees a modern Sihtric x reader where they hate each other. But somehow end up fucking and then become obsessed with each other. I've seen with your Bucky fics that you sometimes use songs so could I suggest The Death of Peace of Mind by bad Omens? I'm already drooling...

Modern!Sihtric x Reader

Warnings: Hints of slight alcohol abuse. If that isn't for you, please don't read, protect your peace and you can catch me next time xx

I don't know why but I hyperfixated on Sihtric's hair in this one??

You felt stupid, walking up the steps to the club with the small gift bag in hand, the loud music already blaring before you even made it inside.

Your eyes scanned the room for the one person you knew in the city, slightly regretting that you had agreed to come out to celebrate his birthday but he had assured you his friends would love you, and when he got down on his knees at work amidst the pile of band shirts you were attempting to fold and begged you to come, you just couldn’t refuse him.

You finally spotted him laughing easily with a group of friends and shyly made your way over.

“You came!” he shouted, placing his drink down on the table and running to meet you, picking you up and spinning you around as you laughed freely, despite your nerves, “You got me a gift?” he exclaimed when he finally placed you down.

“It’s only something small,” you laughed at his childlike excitement.

You had left an incredibly shitty relationship and moved to London, a few months ago, but it wasn’t until you started working at a backstreet record store that you had met Osferth, and surprised yourself at how quickly you two had become friends. 

He didn’t exactly give you a choice.

Soon another pair of strong arms pulled you in for a hug and he introduced himself as Finan, winking at you and you felt your cheeks flush.

Osferth brought you over to the table they had been sitting at and introduced you to a couple who were seated.

“Uhtred. Gisela, this is y/n!” Osferth shouted over the music and Gisela was rising out of her seat like lightning “Finally!” she exclaimed coming to give you a hug, “We’ve heard so much about you! It’ll be nice to finally have another girl to keep these guys in check!” you giggled and squished her back in appreciation, throwing a smile towards Uhtred who was patiently waiting his turn to give you a hug. 

“I’m not sure where Sihtric is but you’ll meet him tonight too,” Osferth grinned and Gisela leaned in closer to your ear, “Don’t be offended if he doesn’t react too warmly. He’s shy.”  You nodded, thanking her for the heads up.

“I’m going to get a drink,” you shouted over the music and Osferth rose too, “I’ll come with you,” he offered and you shook your head, “Stay and enjoy yourself, I’ll be right back!” you countered and he smiled happily taking his seat again.

You pushed your way through the sweaty bodies on the dancefloor, making your way across to the bar and tried to settle the nerves in your stomach. You were so out of your comfort zone, that you’d already decided you would have two or three drinks and dip out early and leave Osferth in the very capable hands of his friends.

You ordered your usual drink and then for good measure, ordered a shot for some liquid confidence. It was then you spotted what you thought was the most gorgeous man you had ever laid eyes on, leaning with his back against the bar, eyes watching the dancefloor with a drink in hand, His black skinny jeans were tucked into a pair of doc martens and he was wearing a grey and black plaid shirt over a black tee, his hair was pulled into a bun at the nape of his neck. He must have sensed your gaze because suddenly his eyes were on yours and his face hardened, eyeing you with uncertainty. You quickly downed your shot and made your way back to Osferth’s table. 

You chatted easily with Gisela, already making plans to meet her for coffee and swapping numbers. Finan was laying the flirting on thick but you quickly realised it was his way of teasing and he almost lit up when you began giving it back just as good.

When you finished your drink, you were relieved when he offered to grab you a fresh one as he went to order himself another pint.

“Sihtric!” Osferth shouted “Finally, come here I want you to meet y/n”

Your stomach dropped when you realised it was the guy from the bar. He simply nodded your way in acknowledgement, and it was only under these lights that you realised that he had two different coloured eyes, and his face twitched in amusement.

“Your friend has a staring problem Osferth,” he teased and you felt your cheeks heat up and wanted the ground to swallow you whole, “I’m Sihtric,” he nodded your way.

 “Nice to meet you, you managed a small shy smile his way and Gisela, squeezed your leg with a knowing smile. 

After a couple of drinks you made your excuses, reminding Osferth that you had taken the opening shift so that he could sleep off his hangover in the morning. Sihtric was once again nowhere to be found, so you said goodbye to the rest of the group, promising you would come out again soon. 

You pulled your leather jacket tighter around your body as you took your phone out to book an uber.

“Leaving so soon?” a cocky voice called over your shoulder and you turned around to see Sihtric propped up against the wall, exhaling cigarette smoke, as he flicked the ash from the top of his lit cigarette.

“Yeah,” you sighed “I’ve got work in the morning.” 

“Thought you’d be heading back with Osferth, giving him his proper present,” he smirked, taking another pull of his cigarette and you glared his way.

“It’s not like that. We’re just friends.”

Sihtric threw his cigarette away and moved towards you, “So you’ve no interest in letting him take you home and having his way with you?.” 

“None,” you shot back indignantly. “Maybe, you can’t keep friends without fucking them, but I’m not like that.”

“Hmm,” he considered, moving into your space, “But we’re not friends, and I’ve seen you looking at me all night. Maybe you’d like me to take you home and show you a good time.” 

You wanted to tell him to back off, to tell him he was reading you wrong. But truth be told it had been months since anyone had ignited this kind of spark in and you had been lonely in this city.

You swallowed thickly as his two mismatched eyes bore down into yours.

“They- they told me you were shy,” was the only thing you could muster and he chuckled, deep and seductively he dipped down to whisper in your ear, hand snaking up to wrap in your hair “Quiet and shy are not the same thing, lady.” 

You could barely keep your hands off each other in the cab back to his apartment. He nipped and sucked the skin on your neck, and you were sure you would have to wear a turtleneck to work tomorrow to hide the evidence.

Sihtric pushed you up against the wall of the elevator and you were almost dizzy when he pulled away, spilling out into the corridor and through the door of his apartment.

He was rough and needy, barely allowing you space to breathe, pulling the sleeves of your dress down your arms and watching as it slipped to the floor, he made quick work of his own clothes too before he flung you on the bed.

He was a commanding lover, marking your body and fucking you hard and fast until you were a screaming mess, which seamed to only spur him further. 

“Say my name. Say my name love, I’m so close.”

You looked up at him through your lashes and it was like his name left your lips of its own accord and he collapsed a panting weight on top of you.

He snaked his hands around you, pressing you closer to him, “Such a feisty little thing,” he chuckled and you wrapped your fingers through his soft hair, pulling the band from his hair and letting his loose curls free, “So pretty,” you couldn’t help but muse, as his curls fell down around his face, but his gaze hardened and it was like the spell was broken.

He rolled off you, and slipped his underwear back on and began rummaging through his jeans until he found his box of cigarettes, he made his way towards the balcony before he threw a glance your way, “Do you want me to call you a cab?”

You whipped your head in his direction but he was keeping his gaze solely on the door to the balcony and you couldn’t help the shame pitting in your stomach. He wanted you to leave.

“Um, no I can get an uber,” you tried to answer nonchalantly, trying to disguise the hurt you felt at being used and the sudden change in pace. 

“Okay,” was all he answered before pulling the sliding door open and stepping out into the night air, as you watched the flame of his lighter ignite the cigarette.

You quickly pulled your discarded clothes back on and fumbled with your phone until you had successfully booked an uber through the app. 

You waited for Sihtric to come back inside, but he never turned to look at you again, feeling your stomach churn when he simply lit another cigarette.

Your phone pinged to say your driver was outside and so you let yourself out of his apartment, and down to the lobby. As you opened the door to get into the back of your car, you risked a glance back up to his balcony, you could still make out his silhouette and the little flicker of a lit cigarette, but he didn’t acknowledge you, instead turning on his heel and making his way back inside, and you cried the whole way home in the back of the uber. 

You never told Osferth about what had happened after you left the club that night, and you gathered that Sihtric hadn’t either. You did however meet up for that coffee with Gisela, mainly because she wouldn’t give you the option not to. 

“You’ve been avoiding us,” she murmured softly.

“I’ve just been busy,” you lied, stirring your coffee more than you needed to, and she decided against arguing with you.

“Well this Saturday is Uhtred’s birthday, and before you say you can’t, I happen to know you have the weekend off. I already checked with Osferth,” you couldn’t help but laugh at her eagerness “Please, y/n. For me. For Osferth. Please come.”

And that was precisely how you’d found yourself sipping a drink on the sofa of Uhtred and Finan’s apartment, music blaring and deep in conversation with Finan.

You were relieved when you arrived that there was no sign of Sihtric, and so had settled into an easy conversation with the Irishman, who was trying to convince you to let him tattoo you, opening up his instagram to show you some of his work.

“Sorry I’m late,” a voice announced from the hallway, hauling in a crate of beer, “My last appointment ran a little over time.”

“Sure!” the Irishman taunted “More like you got carried away with that hot blonde I left you with.”

Sihtric smiled smugly, but his face dropped when he spotted you.

“Y/n,” he acknowledged.

“Sihtric,” you threw back and then turned your attention back to Finan urging him to continue showing you his work. 

You danced a bit with Gisela and Eadith, bumping hips and running your hands through your hair, you were tipsy and having more fun than you’d had in months, before you excused yourself to go grab a drink from the fridge. Sauntering past Sihtric without sparing him a glance.

You were about to close the fridge yourself, when someone reached over you from behind and slammed it shut.

“Were you just going to ignore me all night then?” Sihtric’s sultry voice whispered in your ear and you carefully twisted around, eyeing him cautiously.

“That was the plan.” 

“And why would you want to do that? You were screaming my name not so long ago.”

“I’m a good actress,” you spat and went to push past him, but he caught your arm.

“No, you’re not,” he laughed smugly and pushed you up against the fridge behind, “Bet I could have you screaming my name again right now if I wanted.”

You shoved him off you hard, “Go find someone else to hit and quit. I had my turn.”

Sihtric swallowed hard and looked like he wanted to say something else, but he simply let you push past.

“Are you and Finan a thing?” he asked suddenly, shocking even himself.

“Why would it matter to you if we were?” you shot back “You clearly don’t even like me, and I certainly don’t like you,” you spat before, Sihtric cut you off by crashing his lips to yours. You felt ashamed again when all your resolve melted and you allowed him to pull you upstairs into Finan’s room, taking you up against the wall, you dug your nails onto the skin of his back as you tried to stop yourself crying out when he came undone, panting as you came down from your own release.

“Come back to mine,” Sihtric pleaded and you were snapped back to your senses.

“What? No!” you shoved him off, pulling your panties back up, and watching as his mismatched eyes flashed with confusion. You were not going to give him the opportunity to make you feel like nothing again. You stepped out of the room, not sparing him a glance as you went and took your seat beside Finan, you didn’t see Sihtric again, until he slinked out of the apartment with a girl wrapped up in his arms and you had to hide the tears that were threatening to fall, telling Finan you were just tired.  

You stopped allowing Sihtric to be the reason you didn’t go out with your new found friends every weekend. Instead you both gave each other a wide berth, feigning politeness in front of the rest of the group but not speaking to each other at all aside from keeping the peace.

But why then did every night out end with your hands wrapped up in Sihtric’s hair and his lips on yours, begging you to come back to his place with him, but you always refused.

You tried to convince yourself it was simply sex, but the more it went on the harder it was to deny that you were developing feelings for him. That’s what made it so hard. 

And when Sihtric disappeared for a few weeks, Osferth told you he had gone on a retreat, you scoffed and Osferth looked confused. You just didn’t see Sihtric as the spiritual kind, but evidently you were wrong.

You joined a dating app and pushed yourself out of your comfort zone by agreeing to go on a date. Even if it was just to try to forget about Sihtric for an hour or so.

You spent hours on your makeup and settled on a black satin dress, a baggy denim jacket and boots. You felt confident for the first time since Sihtric had knocked it significantly.

But your confidence was quickly shattered, when half an hour turned into one hour. And one hour turned into two, and your date was a no show. You went to check your messages only to find that he had unmatched you and blocked your number, and that was that.

You had been ordering drinks as you waited and now you were drunk.

“Fuck it,” you sighed grabbing your jacket and decided on walking home.

You were drunk and it was possibly the stupidest thing you had ever done, but you were alone walking streets you didn’t quite recognise after dark and it happened like lightning.

Someone tried to pull your bag off your shoulders and you attempted to fight them off, you barely registered the punch to your pace until blood began to pump from your nose, the taste of metal filling your mouth as your attacker pushed you to the ground and made off with your bag.

As you gathered yourself off the ground you attempted to give chase but he was long gone and you weren’t even confident in what direction he had gone.

You walked in shock for a few minutes, holding your nose, tears spilling down your face and then you found yourself at a familiar junction.

The welcoming light of a lobby to an apartment building that you had been in once. You chanced a look up at his balcony and were surprised to find the lights in his apartment were on. Swallowing your pride you wrapped your jacket tighter around yourself and took the elevator up to his floor.

“Y/n,” he gasped, taking in your appearance “What the hell happened?” he rushed.

But you were frozen to the spot, shock beginning to set in, as you shook.

“I’m sorry to just turn up here. I didn’t- I didn’t know what else to do.”

“Fuck,come here,” he said softly ushering you inside. He was topless, in a pair of low rise black sweats, his curly hair hanging loose around his face, damp from just showering.

“What happened,” he asked again softly and you relayed the story as you trembled.

He looked you over, blood drying on your face, but thankfully your nose didn’t seem broken and you were very, obviously drunk.

“My phone, my purse, they’re all gone,” you were beginning to freak out and Sihtric could see it.

“Shh, it’s okay. It’s gonna be okay, we’re going to sort it all out. Come here,” he subconsciously pulled you to him, rubbing soothing patterns on your back, heart falling at the feel of you trembling in his arms.

“Were you on a date?” he eventually broke the thick silence, you nodded and he tutted “What asshole would let you walk home alone in the dark after you’d been drinking?” 

You laughed dryly and his eyes shot down to look at you like you were crazy “The kind of guy that leaves you waiting for hours, only to stand you up and block you on everything. Just my luck,” you sniffed “The only two guys I’ve been with since I left my emotionally abusive ex have been even bigger dickheads.” 

Sihtric stilled, all actions and you froze “I-I’m sorry I didn’t mean that. I think maybe you should just call me a cab and I’ll go.”

Sihtric shook his head, pulling you into the bathroom and seating you on the tub, “At least let me get you cleaned up.”

He took a washcloth and gingerly wiped away the drying blood, you were surprised at how gentle he was capable of being. 

“We should block your phone so whoever has it won’t be able to use it,” you nodded, head spinning and he set about doing it all for you, he gave you his phone to call the bank so you could block your cards too. 

He went to make you tea and it was only when he was out of your space that you allowed the tears to fall, and you sat holding your head in your hands.

“What can I do?” he begged quietly as you sipped your tea, tears silently slipping down your cheeks.

“Can you take me home?” you sniffed “I feel stupid in these clothes. I think I need to sleep.” 

“You should sleep here, I’ll take you home in the morning, you’ll need to call your landlord for a set of new keys anyway.”

“I don’t want to stay here,” you suddenly panicked.

“I wouldn’t try anything tonight, not while you’re hurt,” Sihtric rushed, hurt etched across his features “I may not be a good man in your story but I can be..good,” he sighed in a small voice.

“That’s not- I know you wouldn’t-”

“-But you don’t want to stay?” 

“The last time I was here, you treated me like an asshole, Sihtric, how can I sleep wondering when you’re suddenly gonna decide to kick me out” 

“Y/n” he looked at you blinking frantically, like he was desperately trying to find the right thing to say.

“Please, just take me home,” you whispered and he was nodding furiously before he could change his mind. 

The ride back to your apartment was silent and you kept your eyes trained on the window, watching the London skyline fly by, your head spinning from the alcohol and events of the night. 

As soon as he pulled into your parking lot, you were pulling at the handle, before he had even put the car in park. 

“Y/n, wait…wait,” he grasped your hand, “I’m sorry I haven’t been the guy you want me to be. I fucking wish I could be.”

You pulled your hand out of his grasp and you couldn’t help the tears gathering in your eyes, “You know Sihtric. I could have loved you. But, you just wouldn’t let me,” you slammed the door and made your way up into your building before he could respond and before you lost all resolve completely. 

Weeks passed and you didn’t see Sihtric, nor did Osferth for that matter. He said Sihtric sometimes did this.

“It’s like he hits self destruct, he starts running around with his old friends. He goes on a bender and then he comes back when he’s worked through whatever it is he needed to get out of his system. It’s not the best way to deal with things, but hell if I’d been through the shit Sihtric has in his life I don’t even know if I’d be here anymore. It’s a shame because he is such a sweet and caring guy, he doesn’t deserve it”

You wanted to press Osferth on what he meant, but you didn’t want to seem so interested in Sihtric that it would raise suspicions. 

But it was evident that his friends were beginning to worry about him, you were worried sick but you didn’t even have his number to text him. Was it even your place to do so? 

A loud banging on your door woke you up with a start, and you began to panic, fearing someone was breaking into your apartment.

But then you heard it again, the distinct sound of knocking and someone calling your name, and you flung the door open to find Sihtric, slumped against the wall, very clearly intoxicated and upset. 

“Y/n,” he sighed, falling down at your feet, grasping your waist and leaning his full weight into you, “Please. I can’t stop thinking about you. The way you taste, the way you say my name. Please, I need you to just hear me out.”

“Sihtric,” you cried, raking your fingers through his soft curls, trying to sooth him “We’ve been  worried sick about you. I’ve been worried about you,” you decided to be honest.

“Please, y/n, I’m sick of pretending that I don’t care about you. I can’t do it. I can’t pretend that I’m not head over heels for you anymore,” the last statement slipped from his lips and he looked up at you wide eyed, fearing you would reject him.

“You’re drunk Sihtric, you don’t mean this,” you tried to sooth but hurt flashed across his face.

He suddenly rose up to his full height, cupping your face “You’re all I can think about. I thought by drinking I could forget about you. But I can’t stop thinking about you. You’ve been the death of me. The death of my peace of mind.”

“You don’t mean this,” you repeated, trying to reassure yourself more than him.

“Why do you keep doing this to me? You keep denying me. Keep dismissing me.” 

“You did it first!” you threw, and he had, Sihtric had rejected you first, forced you to build these walls to try to keep him at arm’s length. He looked at you sincerely, confusion written all over his face so you continued.

“That first time, Sihtric, you couldn’t get rid of me fast enough. After you’d gotten what you wanted. You’ve always just wanted the sex you don’t want me and I’m not going to have my heart broken again by another emotionally unavailable man.”

“Don’t you get it?” he spat “You have the power to completely destroy me. You already are. I thought I could stop myself from falling if I made you leave. I thought I could drink and fuck you out of my mind but I can’t do it anymore. I don’t want to do it anymore. I need you.” 

He brought his forehead to rest against yours, breathing heavily, his eyes slipping closed as he held your face in his hands.

“You said you could love me if I let you. Did you mean that? Please tell me you meant it?” he begged and you nodded in his hands and he sighed in relief.

“I’m fucked up. I have so much baggage and I will probably fuck up a million times, but I want to try with you. I want to try for you.” 

“I always wanted you Sihtric,” you admitted “But this is a complete 360 and I don’t want to get burned again.” 

Sihtric didn’t know how else to convince you he was serious, so he pressed his lips against yours, Sihtric was not a man of words but he could show you with his actions.

You woke in the morning, encased in Sihtric’s arms, his grasp on you like a vice grip.

When you made to move, he refused to release his grip, snuggling further into you, but relenting when you told him you were going to make breakfast.

You watched him as he scoffed down his toast and took a big gulp of orange juice.

“Did you mean everything you said last night?” you eventually tested, breaking the silence.

“Every word,” he promised, looking right into your eyes sincerely, “I pushed you away because I was afraid to let myself fall in love with you, but all that did was hurt the two of us, and I can’t take back all the time we lost, but I promise I will try to make it up to you.” 

You considered him quietly for a moment, and he swallowed hard.

“I’m not sure how much Osferth told you about my past..but it’s not a happy one. It’s why I’m so fucked up, but it’s not a good enough excuse for the way I behaved with you. When we first met I was on a downward spiral, I had just come from the most traumatizing relationship of my life and you terrified the life out of me, all gentle and tender and looking at me like we could have been something more than just that night, and I panicked and I was cruel. ” 

“I’m sorry,” you muttered “I didn’t know,” you said softly.

“How could you love?” he sighed gently “I never even gave you a chance. But I have tried to be better for you. To be the man who deserved to be looked at the way you looked at me that night when you ran your fingers through my hair. That retreat I went on, I signed myself into a programme to try to get my drinking under control again, I had this whole plan to ask you out proper. To explain myself but when you turned up on my doorstep that night  I realised I was fucked, and the thought of you rejecting me, sent me into a spiral, and I hit the drink again.” He suddenly pulled his knee up to rest his chin on. “Fuck, I’m a lot right?” he suddenly chuckled, extending his hands out with a self deprecating shrug.

“Honestly, yes,” you laughed, examining his face, blushing when you found his eyes were already on yours. You still thought he was the most gorgeous man you’d ever seen on the planet and your breath caught in your throat.

“So where do we go from here?” you tried gently.

“C’mere?” he mumbled and you crawled your way onto his lap and he placed feather light kisses to your face.

“Will you let me date you proper? Take you out, show you off, be my girl? No more sneaking around. I want to tell Osferth and Uhtred and Finan.” You nodded, smiling as your heart began to flutter.

“You know Osferth is going to kill me don’t you?” he laughed against your skin and you laughed out loud “And I know that you’re going to have to learn to trust me, I’m not expecting it to happen overnight.”

You nodded, playing with the soft curls around the nape of his neck, and he leaned heavily into your touch.

“I want to trust you and I want to love you.”

“But?” he hummed.

“Don’t hurt me Sihtric.”

“Never again,” he promised, pressing his lips to yours.

“I fucking knew it!” Finan exclaimed, slapping Sihtric on the back.

“No you did not!” Uhtred laughed,coming to clasp hands with his friend, “I am so happy for you both,” he said honestly and Gisela came to pull you into a hug, you released Sihtric’s hand so you could squeeze her properly.

Osferth, who had been strangely quiet stepped forward, a worried frown across his brow, “I don’t know who I’m supposed to warn about not hurting the other. You are both my friends.” 

Sihtric took your hand in his again, pressing his lips to your hand, “I’m never hurting this one. I love her.” your eyes fluttered and you couldn’t help the shaky laugh that left your body with relief.

Sihtric had once said that love was the death of peace of mind, and if that was so, you were out of your own damn mind in love with that boy.

Tagging: @canyonmoon-2 @sihtricfedaraaahvicius @whitedarkmoonflower @shamrockqueen @thenameswinter99 @foxyanon @acdassenza @thatawkwardlittlefangirl

[rearranged-fanfic]

Update (8/26) and A Question to You All

First order of business! Oof, babes. I got jump scared 😅

Friendly reminder to all my A03 homies out there that story bookmarks aren't private by default. You have to check the tiny box on the bottom that marks it as "private", otherwise all your dirty laundry is aired out to the world.

Needless to say, I uhhhh... I offended somebody. They were big mad at my story. Very incensed. I apologize for my poor conduct as an author for the grief I have cause the world at large 🙏🏻

Also, I'm apparently an untrustworthy author and that's funny to me 🥴🫠

I'm not even upset. I'm just a nice little blend of bemused and amused (which are two separate things entirely, though they often get treated as synonyms).

Alright, moving on...

I'm finishing Seaside this weekend. It's almost done. Well, more like halfway. But I can bust out a few thousand more words in *checks watch* four days' time. It's practically a done deal. I'm not at all setting myself up for failure with this strict time constraint.

No siree.

I anticipate having REARRANGED updated by NEXT Friday/Saturday, not this upcoming one. Whether this comes to fruition or not depends entirely on my ability to buckle down and NOT get distracted by my ADHD. I make no solid promises because I'm a disaster person.

The next item on my agenda is Crimson Chapter 3. I've bumped up the chapter count because there was so, so much tsundere!Suguru interacting with Reader-chan that I didn't have the willpower to cut any of it. We now have 4 chapters of our Vampire Knight/JJK fusion AU.... I'm a simp for mean guys, what can I say?

Then another REARRANGED the next week, and the end of Crimson the week after that.

I'm a busy bee this month. But I have so much to catch up on.

Once I finish my two smaller WIPs, I have a maddening desire to break out of the Jujutsu Kaisen fandom for a few smaller side projects while writing REARRANGED. I'm leery, given that JJK is where my main audience is. I wouldn't want to alienate any of my regular readers. I'd still probably do CanonXReader fics because they soothe my self-indulgent needs. But, man, I want to dabble in other fandoms so baaaad.

So, my question to those of you who keep up with my works, are there any characters from this list that you'd like to see more of in the future?

(Keep in mind that this is the distant future. Not until I complete the second arc of REARRANGED at least.)

(*) indicates that this is a fav of mine or I already have an outline/WIP of this character in my documents folder.

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba (anime/manga)

Rengoku Kyojuro* Douma Akaza

Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia (anime/manga)

Hawks/Takami Keigo* Aizawa Shota Togata Mirio* Amajiki Tamaki Kirishima Eijiro

Naruto (anime/manga)

Uchiha Shusui* Uchiha Obito Hatake Kakashi* Shiranui Genma

Final Fantasy XV (videogame)

Prompto Argentum* Cor Leonis Nyx Ulric

Any of those look promising? IDK. It might be fun to write for an even smaller fandom, too. Maybe one of my old fandoms that are near-dead? I like getting out of my comfort zone (sometimes).

Well, I think that's it for this update.

Peace out, my lovelies 🥰😘

[heymrspatel]

✨Weekly Tag Wednesday ✨

i was tagged by @jrooc @stocious @michellemisfit @thepupperino @doshiart @sgtmickeyslaughter @gallapiech @blue-disco-lights @mmmichyyy @lingy910y @pookiebearmick @gallawitchxx @energievie and @gardenerian thank you lovelies!

Name and A03 handle: julissa | heymrspatel

Current Location: on my couch, slowly melting into the cushions. i'm so tired.

Favorite picrew (don't have one? you can skip this or do this one)? these two for sure! i think they capture my vibe well lol one & two

What's one thing you want in a picrew? ah! well, since i often start them i have a list of things that i usually look for to make sure that they're inclusive. sometimes i forget to check for certain things and then i'm annoyed lmao.

but ideally: big selection of skin tones, undercuts, the option for tied hair, short haircuts, different types of hair textures and colors, facial hair, scars, and big big ups if there's an option to change face shapes! THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS!

for me though: curly hair and big blushy (and fangs if available)

Favourite thing you’ve created (or seen created) for the fandom? oh this is hard. i'll say, fluffy art: "doesn't matter where we go man", spicy art: "i need you to touch me"

Why is it your favourite? fluffy: because i went crazy with the details. i love that it tells a story. i love the colors i used. i love that pane of them watching the sunset. i love hands - hand on thigh, hand kiss, hand under shirt.

spicy: so. much. skin. i love all the positions i put them in. i love how it's sensual and teasing but you can't really see any of the "action" haha. tongues and chain and bruising. i love hands - hand in mouth, hand on neck, hand in hair.

Did it come easily or was it hard to create? HARD! lmao everything i make is hard to me. some things come easier now, but i really do drag my limp body all the way to the end.

Last ao3 fic you commented on? "keep you by my side" by biblionerd07!

Biggest WIP heartache you’ve ever experienced? ...things beyond mistake. i'm glad most of us are on the same painful page.

Favorite trope or head cannon you like included in a fanfic? i love friends/fwb to lovers and slice of life and outsider povs! also, only one bed or when they get stuck somewhere alone. ooooooh and i LOVE a good texting fic!

Least favourite? eeeh very iffy on the kid fics, depends on the writer. or mpreg. or big deaths.

Secret or surprising kink or trope? idk that anything's a secret? i'm out here giving you guys full visuals during kinktober...

Describe how you feel after you’ve created something new? ah- very vulnerable. accomplished but nervous. i literally post and run away.

Top hype man you have that always helps you get across the finish line: i usually keep whatever i'm working on under wraps for no reason other than i'm self conscious! but @whatthebodygraspsnot always cheers me on and is the most supportive and sends me the most eloquent keyboard smashes to keep a girl going!

It's been a bad day, you turn to the fandom and you _____? scroll through tumblr and, when my brain is cooperating on reading (it hasn't been), turn to my comfort fics!

i'm skipping the tag cause i'm late and i'm feeling weird! but i hope everyone's having a nice night/day/time zone!! 💙

[majorbaby]

Aside from being a Potter hater, I really do think it's a shame we lost Henry because McLean Stevenson was a comedic heavyweight not just as an actor but as a writer, giving us The Trial of Henry Blake and The Army-Navy Game. He was unafraid to commit whole-heartedly to the bit, and while some of Henry's heroism in Trial was probably McLean's positive bias, I think it was nice that we got to see Henry's competence as a doctor shine through despite his incompetence as a CO. On early MASH, this was the sign of a heroic character, so it falls neatly in line with what the narrative was trying to tell us anyway.

"Your boss is not your friend" but Henry didn't want to be anyone's boss and he doesn't appear to be suffering any delusions that he's any good at the job. He wants to hang out with the cool kids, Hawkeye and Trapper and do the things they do: get drunk, fuck around, practice medicine and dream of home. I can't think of a show that's replicated the Henry-Trapper-Hawkeye dynamic.

Any time Henry tries to use his rank, he ends up flat on his ass. Women reject him for it, Hawkeye and Trapper pull fast ones on him, and he never lives up to Burns and Houlihan's expectations anyway.

At one point Henry muses aloud to Hawkeye that he might be getting to do more interesting work as a doctor in the war than he was doing back home. I think this is one time I can actually stand to hear the other side of it. What Henry is expressing here is a disillusionment with comforts of upper-middle-to-upper-class suburban life, a very How did I get here??? moment for him if I may say so. And a pretty normal thing for him to feel.

I like how Larry Gelbart imagined Trapper might've responded to a similar hypothetical:

REPORTER: Do you feel this experience has in any way helped you as a doctor?

TRAPPER JOHN: Let me ask you a question: just how many people you figure’re going to be carried into my office someday with a chunk of shrapnel sticking out of their heads? I don’t know where you live, pal, but where I come from very few folks ever step on a landmine in the middle of trying to cross the street.

Instead of Henry coming to this himself, we have Hawkeye to shoot him down immediately, and good on him for it, but those kinds of initial reflections on the state of one's life are the first step to doing something about one's dissatisfaction. For a character like Henry, who isn't often moved to do anything that pushes him outside of his comfort zone, I like this as some depth for him. And I would've liked to have seen him stay on and be proved wrong, you know, without him dying on the way to his beautiful house, beautiful wife etc.

I also think McLean would've handled the shift from the more comedic to dramatic moments masterfully. We already see pieces of it in Sometimes You Hear the Bullet and Abyssinia Henry.

And most importantly we lost something when the incompetent draftee CO was replaced by the on-my-third-war-ex-cavalry-man-and-damn-proud-of-it guy. There's an assumed 'respect' everyone, even Hawkeye, is expected to afford Potter if not for his rank, then his age. This is the opposite of what was done with Henry, where Hawkeye and Trapper openly flouted the notion that they should respect Henry because of his rank.

Like even if Trapper had stayed on and continued in his unquestioning support of Hawkeye's campaigns, I don't think that would've flown with Potter unless the show was willing to make him the butt of the joke the way that Henry sometimes was and indeed there's not much evidence of it ever happening post season 4. There is that one episode where he gets high and the gang ferry him back and forth to get him to requisition supplies - which was great, and very Henry-like but I can't think of many other examples.

Because MASH was progressive for it's time, it's very interesting to see where it draws the line. It didn't do great with race, it was so-so with women all the way through... but these things seem pretty obvious and to some even forgivable on account of "it's the product of its time". I think another limit for the show was the treatment of the highest-ranking officer on the base in the later years. Henry vs. Potter - Henry who the show had no problem trampling over and Potter who it very politely tip-toed past, resulting in some comparatively lukewarm and dated statements on authority. When it comes to Potter "Your boss is not your friend" is something Hawkeye, BJ, Klinger and Radar all need to hear.

[lericekrispie]

A bad bitch's guide to practical fashion

Hello! Just some realistic tips and tricks I've learned through living life to help me with some of my conditions while still slaying. Things I deal with that you may be able to relate to-

Anxiety, Adhd, Sensory Issues, Heavyset, Lite Eczema, Acne

Keep a spare change of clothes in your car/bag

Sometimes, I want to wear an outfit that's outside of my comfort zone. Maybe it's wearing something that shows off my curves more, or a fabric that I can barely tolerate. And I push myself out of my comfort zone to try something new! But sometimes I realize halfway through the day that if I don't change right this second, I will have a panic attack and die. Keeping a pair of SAFE clothes in your car/bag is always a good idea! I have sweats, a sweatshirt, and shorts in my car at all times. Also great if you are chaffing/having a bad skin day and need to change unexpectedly.

Buy clothes that fit you

I have this problem of always trying on things and thinking hmmm... maybe it'll fit in a year, once I start working out, loose some weight... NO! Clothes fit you, you aren't supposed to fit clothes! If you do loose some weight, then you get to go shopping again :) and buy more clothes. But you are shopping for present you right now, your beautiful, amazing, fashionable self.

Cut your tags/clothes up

I was told by my parents to not cut my tags, and I was always afraid to. But I'm telling you, you bought those clothes, these are yours, do whatever you want with what you own. Cut the tag if it'll make you feel better. If the arms are too tight cut a slit. On the same note, if you want to tie something shorter with a hair-tie, fucking do it! If it's not short enough crop it. I promise the clothes police won't come after you.

don't put up with terrible fabrics

Don't buy something if you know wearing it is going to be a chore b/c of the sensation. Also, here are some tips for some fabrics

leggings under jeans if you can tolerate leggings > jeans

fishnets under jeans w/ holes if fishnets > jeans

colorful sweatpants (neon green, orange, red, ect.) as a comfy fashion statement

a nice turtleneck under a t-shirt if turtleneck > shirt

long socks (men's section rocks) to avoid blisters on ankles

don't put up with terrible jewelry

I personally love jewelry, but can only keep some things on for so long.

try gloves instead of rings. you can make gloves out of fishnets/tights

try woven/braided bracelets that are not removable w/o scissors > metal clunky bracelets (anklets too)

try skin markers/henna > annoying hand jewelry

If you are trying to branch out but are self-conscious, try to find a safety jacket

just a jacket that you can slip on and off, something light, that you can zip up if you get self-conscious and will make you feel better, but something you can carry/tie around your waist if you are feeling yourself.

My makeup if I'm having bad acne/can't handle the feeling

Concealer- over redness

Body stick/blush- on eyes and cheeks, and nose

Vaseline/Chapstick on lips, can put Vaseline on eyelids for shine (can clog pores be careful)

Mascara

Takes like 15 minutes also if ur in a rush!

For my fellas with boobas who hate bras

here are alternatives!

Trans tape- havn't tried but have heard good things

Breast petals- personally they are expensive, so I mostly use bandaids. Always a toss up if you are going to rip up the nip. NOT FUN! DO NOT RECCOMEND! Only do so if you don't care about having scabs on the girls. Or are poor, like me, and have to use bandaids.

Just don't wear a bra. I mostly go for this option, I feel so free. Very gender affirming, love a bad-bitch who doesn't wear a bra. I save so much money. You have no idea. SO MUCH MONEY. I also love never feeling the pain of a bra, the idea of putting one on is so foreign to me now. I never realized how much pain I was in b4.

This is my advice for now, hope it helps! If you have anything to share pls feel free to! <3