#it's van der posting hours

[basilinixe]

J'aime tellement comment la robot-related angst est différente entre Henry et Van Der

Tant de possibilités

Rien que pour le côté "couple avec un.e immortel.le et un.e mortel.le", avec lui c'est différent, parce qu'il ne sait pas

Il ne sait pas mais sa femme le sait

Et aussi, qu'est-ce qui va se passer quand il va constater que sa femme vieillit et lui pas ? Au début il pourra sûrement push it aside, penser que c'est amusant que la Baronne commence à avoir des cheveux blancs et lui pas. Mais après ? Combien de fois il va bugguer ? À quelle fréquence ? Et quand il n'aura plus personne, qui le rebootera ?

[whoisellaq]

Welcome back queen serena ✨🖤

[fru1tt0ast]

dear followers, today i offer you old man yaoi

tomorrow? who knows

[saiyan-druid-art]

Red Dead Redemption 2 - Ghost Riders in the Sky (Character Intro AMV)

HD version on YouTube!

[vanderwoodlings]

Thinking about the time I said Eric looked like Dan in a specific shot and S jumped in like ‘au where instead of the Jenny-Serena doppelgängers we get this’ and like… truly. Where is the au where Dan keeps getting kissed by guys who want to be kissing Eric

[caeca-iustitia]

So I'm done with the worldbuilding stuff I wanted to do for my baby boy Marc...

I'll post it here in a bit but it's long and I'm not sure how well I can translate it from the Google Doc to Tumblr formatting...

I'll do my best!

[youngdutchishot]

he'd look like this btw

dutch and hosea expect dutch morphs into an actual fucking cat and hosea has to go on this treacherous magical journey to reverse it..

[chaos-smh]

Dutch Van Der Linde Headcanons

a/n: sorry for the delay in posting! this is probably a bit ooc but dutch is hard to write for phew. hope y'all enjoy!

pairing/s: dutch van der linde x fem!reader

content: suggestive content, smut, dom!dutch, hand kink?, established relationship, d/s dynamics, sub!reader, fluff?, dirty talk

word count: 790 words

minors dni!!🔞

Dutch can’t keep his hands off you. It almost felt as if there wasn’t a single moment in the day where his dexterous fingers weren’t resting on you, pressing into your supple flesh with his rings cool against your skin. It didn’t matter to him if everybody else was watching when he would crane your neck with his calloused hand and force you to look at him. However, what he savored the most was those moments in the depths of the nights when he would grasp at your flushed face, stifling your breath and muffling your cries of pleasure. The night would usually end with his hands soaked with your own tears and drool. Although, nothing could match your awe for the rings he wore and Dutch loved to tease you about it. “Oh? You want me to keep them on, do you sweetheart?” He would soon have you grasping at him and blushing hard when he curled his fingers inside of you with the cold jewelry soon drenched with your own slick. 

Dutch loves reading to you. Being the type of man that he is, Dutch took a certain pleasure in explaining things to you but he especially enjoyed when he was able to read to you. It surprised him when you had first asked but he was quick to fulfill your request. There was something about the way that the words would roll of his tongue and how his baritone voice would resonate in his chest which you fell in love with. It gave you butterflies when you would rest up against his chest with his arms around you as he read page after page into the late hours of the night. However, you quickly found yourself loosing track of the narrative when you would simply become mesmerized by the way he spoke to you. “You just like my voice, don’t you, my dear?” 

Dutch loves to spoil you. He took pride in the way that he was presented and perceived and he insisted that you should too. The gifts had started off very small but each one came with its own meaning, whether it was romantic or something which would make you to giggle. It became noticeable when the gang started to receive a steady flow of money as bottles of expensive perfume and lavish dresses would find their way to you. He relished in being able to dress you up and show you off like you were his own little doll. However, presents weren’t the only thing that he spoiled you with. Whenever you pleased him enough, he was kind enough to reward you. Dutch would honor you with deep thrusts which would leave you shaking and begging in a puddle of your own pleasure by the end of the night. “You can’t take anymore? But you’ve been such a good girl.”

Dutch always leaves his mark on you. It was clear that Dutch took pride in his work and that included you. There was nothing that gave him more of a thrill than being able to see the chorus of colors that littered your neck after a long night well spent. Your cheeks would burn the next day when you would attempt to go about your daily routine and try to avoid the teasing jokes from the other girls. However, you always caught the smug look and satisfied grin on Dutch’s face as he stood proud with a cigar on his lips and looked over you. Dutch also made it sure that you couldn’t sit. Deep shades of blue and purple smothered your behind as he would smack his ringed hand against the supple flesh for what would feel like hours. He enjoyed watching you waddle around the next day. 

Dutch has a need to always be in control. Whenever Dutch lost control, he always knew at the end of the day that you would be there to submit to him. You would be stupid to challenge his authority or disobey his word. Whether you were strung out over his lap or forced on your knees, he was quick to remind you who was in charge. Your nights together would be spent in deep bliss as he would coax out your submission with long and unforgiving thrusts, making sure to leave you sobbing for your own release. His firm teachings didn’t just remain in the bedroom though, as he made it habit to let everyone know who you belonged to. Dutch adored the blush on your face when you would refer to him as ‘sir’ and he relished in the way you squirmed when he made you sit on his lap.  “Don’t pout now, or do I need to remind you who you belong to.” 

[polakina]

on his knees for you

pairing: javier escuella x reader

rating: mature

outline: a robbery goes sideways, and your already rocky friendship with a fellow camp mate is put to the test as you evade the guards of Van Horn

warnings: cursing, so much bickering, canon-typical gore and violence, flirting, slightly suggestive (this is by far the tamest thing i've ever written)

requests are open! hope you enjoy, petals <3

a/n: i can't believe how many notifications i've gotten about my works over the past week. its fucking crazy. thank you so much, you're all absolute stars

masterlist

II

It was a simple job, really. Get in, steal the bonds, and get out.

But nothing ever went as simple as the original plan, did it? Not with the Van Der Linde gang. There was always a little bit of improvisation to be had. Which was exactly what you were doing right now.

Bullets firing past your ears, blood running down your leg, the target’s personal guards chasing you down the winding paths of Roanoke Ridge.

-

One day earlier.

The plan was set. Arthur, Bill and Lenny were to infiltrate the building and steal the bonds, while Micah and Charles handled the guards. You and Javier were on lookout, posted at the entrance gates. 

You were all stationed just outside of Van Horn, your target being the mansion and its occupiers. Trelawny had brought intel of bonds on their way through Van Horn to Annesburg, stopping off at the mansion overnight. Roanoke wasn’t a place anyone wanted to be caught up in at night.

“It’s fucking freezing out here,” you muttered, leaning further against your horse, absorbing his body heat as much as you could. It had been hours of waiting around and checking on the mansion. No movement whatsoever since the sun began to set. Darkness was nearing and the coach was nowhere to be seen.

Javier stood beside you, rifle in hand, eyes fixated on the road to the right, where the coach should appear from. “Want my poncho?” He asked, glancing at you briefly.

You didn’t even cast him a look as you responded. “Wouldn’t want to ruin your style, Escuella. I think I’ll survive without it.” You sighed, and moved from your position, heading further down the road, hiding in the trees to watch from a different position, seeing the road winding down Roanoke Ridge to New Hanover.

The two of you had never gotten along. He didn’t like your attitude one bit. You were snarky, cold. Something you’d developed after years of running with Arthur and John. He’d try and make conversation, you’d brush it off. He’d invite you on a fishing or hunting trip, you’d decline and say you preferred to hunt alone. He couldn’t win. You never sat with the camp during his songs or meals, you were always perched somewhere else, keeping lookout. That’s what you did. That’s all you ever did. 

So after a few months, he gave up. Not exactly understanding your harshness to him, he just accepted it instead. He returned your cold comments and your mean stares. Years passed and you bickered like enemies living beside one another. 

You whistled out to the group as you spotted the coach. Your whistle blended with the birds, so it was undetected by the gourds watching the bonds.

Everything went smoothly, Arthur, Lenny and Bill making quick work of breaking into the bonds lock box, and you heard the guards grunting and groaning as they hit the floor from Micah and Bill’s attacks.

Through your scope, you spotted as the boys grabbed the bonds, throwing them into their satchels. Drifting your rifle along the side of the mansion, you sensed something wrong with Bill. He was arguing with Micah. More so than usual. 

“What’s going on?” Javier whispered, lying beside you, hidden between the trees.

You shushed him, focusing on Bill. Their argument grew even more heated, and you caught a glimpse of lantern light behind them. You watched as they turned, cursing loudly before returning fire. Micah had scurried off during the brawl with the guards, seeking other treasures and getting himself caught in a scuff with guardsmen minding their own business.

“Shit, shit,” Javier cursed, throwing an arm over you and holding you down, protecting your head as bullets fired your way. “He can’t keep his head for one mission, puta madre!”

Arthur had ordered for, if the mission went south; which you had good money on it that it did, that you scatter. Split up and evade Van Horn at all costs, go the long way around New Hanover until it was safe to return back to camp so you were sure you weren’t followed. 

They had the bonds, all they needed to do was escape without getting caught. But you wouldn’t have minded if Micah got murdered in the. Just when you thought he’d found your last nerve, he managed to hit another one.

“I think this is our cue to leave,” you said through gritted teeth, pushing yourself onto your feet and grabbing your gear. Javier was on your heels, close behind. You hiked deeper into Murfree Brood territory, constantly keeping an eye over your shoulders for lantern light.

“Our safest path is through Roanoke,” Javier said from behind you, following your path through the trees. “The guards won’t dare follow us through there this late at night.”

You halted suddenly, whipping around to face Javier. He was caught off guard, almost stumbling into you, a surprised expression on his face. “Are you crazy, Escuella? Murfree Brood hunt here at night. If it’s not the guards who get us, it’ll be them. And I’d rather take my chances with bullets rather than-”

A bullet shot through the wind, straight through your leg into the tree behind you. It caught your words in your throat and you almost crumbled to the ground under the pain firing down your leg. Javier didn’t even blink as he wrapped an arm around you, catching you before you fell. He pulled his gun from its holster at his hip, pointing it over your shoulder and firing it straight into the head of the guard who fired at you first.

It drew attention. Of course, it did. Javier pulled you away from the scene, down the winding path leading to New Hanover. His arm stayed firmly around your waist, and you tried to hold in your groans of pain as your feet collided with uneven terrain, worsening the sting of the wound.

You both heard voices, coming from the top of the hill of which you had just descended. Javier pulled you around a large oak tree, pushing your body against the bark which pulled a pained gasp from your lips. “Fucking hell, Javier. At least try to be gentler with-” His hand clamped over your mouth, his body pressed against yours as he looked past the tree trunk to the guards making their way past you, checking their surroundings as they went. 

“You need to learn to shut up once in a while,” he whispered, looking back to you. His hat was tipped down his head, shielding his eyes. “I’m trying to save you and you’re still complaining.”

You looked up at him, your mouth still firmly covered, your hand wrapped around his wrist, instinct from when he shut you up. He smelled of whiskey and firewood, his scent filling your nostrils. His hand wrapped around your waist protectively, tightening as the footsteps grew closer.

Pulling his hand down, you noticed his skin never left yours. It rested around your neck. Softly, no pressure in his fingers, but the heat of his palm burned against your pulse, and he felt your heart rate jump. “Thought you would have wanted to get rid of me, Escuella,” you whispered, looking up at him. 

But he just looked down at you, surprised. “What?”

“Get rid of me. Hand me off to some guards searching through half the woods for us.” Your gaze never wavered. “Would certainly save you the trouble of dealing with me back at camp.”

He just smirked, tilting his head up, his eyes turned down to look at you. “And why would I want to get rid of you? Perhaps I enjoy the trouble you cause me. Ever thought about that?” His eyebrows raised as you stood there, unable to form words. “So are you going to  shut up and behave yourself while I get you out of here? Or are you going to keep talking until they figure out where we are?”

Javier waited for your response, but it never came. You just bowed your head, sealing your lips in a thin line. He took that as a sign that you’d ‘shut up and behave’. 

The men eventually left, abandoning their search for you, leaving both you and Javier a window of opportunity to flee.

-

The sun poked out above the trees from the makeshift camp Javier had set up in New Hanover. You were shielded by the canopy of branches, the fire in front of you keeping you warm. But it wasn’t doing anything good for the bullet wound in your leg. You stretched out your leg, wincing at the pain shooting through your body.

“I told you not to try and fix it by yourself,” you heard Javier say as he emerged with an armful of firewood, dropping it by your bags. “Your hands will shake before you’ve finished stitching it.”

You glared up at him. “Would you suggest I just leave it? Cut my leg off?”

Javier rolled his eyes at you, kneeling in front of you, his knees on either side of your wounded leg. “I would suggest…that you should wait for me. I’ll stitch it for you.”

Pulling his knife from the holster at his ankle, he sliced the blade through the fabric of your pant leg like butter. All the way up to your hip. “Hey!” You called out. “They were new pants.”

“I’ll buy you a replacement. Now shut up.” He was always harsh with his words, but now, it was even more so. A slight pang of worry soaked his tone.

“You’re such an ass sometimes-ow!” His fingers pushed against the wound on your leg, blood pooling out to the floor. “The fuck was that for?”

He looked indifferent as he looked up at you. “Feeling for any shrapnel. You don’t have any, thankfully, or else this would have hurt a lot more than its about to.”

“I could have told you that,” you grimaced as he began cleaning the wound. Applying pressure to one end of the bullet hole only forced blood through the other side. You could see both the entry point and exit point of the wound, stretching across the left and right sides of your leg.

You were both silent as he cleaned your leg, but you gasped as he pulled out a needle. He saw a panicked flash across your face, seeing it appear as quickly as it fled. “Easy,” he soothed, patting your knee. “I’ll be quick. You won’t feel it.”

“Don’t lie to me,” you whispered, your eyes only focused on the needle.

He sighed, leaning closer, tipping your chin up to meet his softened gaze. “Okay. You will feel it. But not much. A bee sting, that’s all it feels like. But it’ll be easier if you lie down.”

“Why?”

“Your muscles tense when you sit upright. You could at least be comfortable while I stitch you up.” He helped you into a more comfortable position. Javier still straddled your shin, one of his hands pressed against your thigh while his other stitched the hole closed. You laid there, his poncho acting as your pillow as you looked up at the trees.

You ignored the sting you felt each time the needle pierced your skin. Javier wasn’t wrong, it did feel like a bee sting. What’s more important, was that you could manage that sort of pain. “Thank you,” you said quietly, but you weren’t certain he heard you at first, until the needle stopped in your skin, his actions immoveable. Lifting your head and straining your neck, you met his eye. There was a small smile on his face, the corners of his moustache turned upwards with his laugh lines driven deep into his skin. You always did like his smile. That was the one thing that never changed about him. 

“It’s the least I can do,” he smiled, turning his attention back to your stitches. “It’s sort of my fault you got shot in the first place.”

“Sort of? You mean ‘entirely’?” You laughed as he playfully slapped your other leg with the back of his hand.

“Quit laughing,” he chuckled with you. “Or I’ll end up stabbing you in the wrong place.”

He finished quickly, wiping away any trace of blood before gently bandaging your leg. His soft touch lingered for a little while, his thumb gently rubbing soothing patterns into your skin. Your breath stopped in your throat as his touch rose higher. Higher up your thigh. To where your thigh met your hip. He was so fixated on it, he didn’t realise what he was doing until he felt your pulse beating at an ungodly rate at the top of your inner thigh.

His eyes flicked up to yours, where you laid, patiently. You were curious what sorts of thoughts were running through his head right now. What sort of cogs were turning in that brain of his.

You pushed yourself up onto your elbows, your face closer to his than it had ever been before. “What?” You coaxed, too curious to keep quiet now.

“Nothing,” he moved to lean back, his hands drifting down your thighs, but they never left your body before you grabbed the front of his shirt, holding him in place.

“What did I say? Don’t lie to me, Javier.” Your voice never raised above a whisper. It didn’t need to. You were so close a whisper felt like a shout.

He didn’t respond. He couldn’t speak. The close proximity had rendered him faulty in speech. So instead he closed the gap. His lips touched yours, his body melting against your touch. You didn’t expect it. All those years of bickering. All those years of cruel comments and nasty looks. Nothing prepared you for this. But you welcomed it.

Javier leaned you back, your head meeting the poncho  as you felt his body settle on top of yours. Breaking away for air, you saw a softened, kinder look in his eye when he looked at you. “Is this your apology for me getting shot?” You asked, smiling against his lips as he kissed you once more.

“Is it working?” His lips moved to your neck, hovering above your skin to a point where it tickled.

“Hmm…maybe.” 

“Then perhaps I’ll try a different angle,” he smirked, unbuttoning your pants, encapturing your lips in a soft kiss, his tongue slipping into your mouth. He had a lot of making up to do.

[08melancholie]

Lessen your Stress. — Dutch Van der Linde/Micah Bell/Reader

tags: Post-Chapter 6: Beaver Hollow (Red Dead Redemption 2), Smut, Shameless Smut, Porn, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Threesome, Threesome - F/M/M, Sex, Spoilers, dont read if you havent finished chapter 6, theres spoilers to it that youll regret, Rough Sex, Vaginal Sex, Oral Sex, Penis In Vagina Sex, Anal Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Orgasm, Multiple Orgasms, Mildly Dubious Consent, Abuse of Authority, Authority Figures, Double Penetration, Double Penetration in Two Holes, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Spit as Lube, Lube, Come as Lube, precum still counts i hope, Not Beta Read, no beta we die like micah bell

summary: What's one way to relieve the stress of losing your family, friends and entire gang you spent decades building? Dutch assumes it's getting his best friend to fuck his other still-devoted follower with him. It's another power trip of his you will never refuse.

a/n: initially the idea was reader and micah both trying to fight over dutch but then i was like why do we have to fightttt just let them both ruin users guts..... so here we are now. disclaimer: ive literally never written a threesome, i dont know what im doing honestly.... thank you to that one user on here who inspired this.

this is my longest fic up to date... yeah okay lets go touch grass.

words: 5,043 | AO3 LINK

A heap of shouting, spilling of secrets and killing later, the three of you regroup, all alone. Death is haunting you; you almost feel their blood on your hands, for some reason. You can't pinpoint why, but you feel guilty. Might be the fact you're still following Dutch, after he got them all killed.

Dutch might have officially lost his mind, right? You sometimes really wonder how he's made it this far, with such a good gang. Well, until now anyways. It's not until now that you notice a small flip in his head; a switch turning on for the first time. He's sat across from you, only a small fire between yourselves that lights up a small fraction of the area around you; up on a mountain, a small indent into the rocks it's built of serving as a cave of sorts. You're on the other side of the fire, laying down and watching Dutch really think for the first time, in a while. Your head is supported with the satchel you carry around your torso, visibly more uncomfortable than the plush pillows inside your old tent, now left behind. Sat behind you both is none other than Micah; staying forever loyal to the black-haired man lost in his own thoughts, his own pondering whilst his eyes illuminate the fire between your bodies. Micah is quiet; in fact, everyone is. Nobody dares say a word—not you, not Micah, especially not Dutch. Dutch doesn't feel grief, oh no; that isn't what this can be. You'd think that leaving two of your sons to die even after having the choice to save them both would make a man go crazy, but Dutch is clearly too far gone for that.

The fire crackles again, and you can't stand the silence any longer, opening your mouth to speak up. "We'll be fine, Dutch. Don't stress so much."

His head perks up from the fire, the flame-ridden irises of his catch your own. "Fine?" He repeats after your reassurance—not sounding all that reassured. You swallow and nod, always feeling so small under that dark gaze of his. "I would love to have even an ounce of your optimism." He barks, and you sink even lower. Well, it was a good try, if nothing.

He and Micah share a look, and it all goes quiet again. Fire crackles; animals howl in the distance; shrubbery whistles under the small wind blowing through the area. And all is quiet.

It seems as you'll be spending the rest of the night in here, so you decide to rest your exhausted body for today. You toss over and get as comfortably as one can, making an attempt at sleeping off the sour mood and thick tension in the air.

Your slumber only lasts you a few mere hours, both the very early morning sun picking at your eyes and gloved hands on your bare skin breaking you away from the little sleep you managed yourself. You grumble, turning to lay on your back. "Get'cho ass up," Micah, standing over you, takes a step back and moves his hands off you, the leather material slipping away from your waist. You sit up and rub your knuckles into your eyes, taking your satchel from underneath where your head was and standing up. "hoping you enjoyed Colter, darlin'." Oh, Colter; if hell was an icy, snowy blizzard, you'd assume they were talking about that part of West Grizzlies.

"Don't tell me we're going back." You hold off on groaning—only briefly as Micah nods and you can't help yourself, not at all fond of going back there again. "Why West Grizzlies, anyways?" You ask, watching him kick at the burnt-out campfire from last night.

Micah stomps out the ashy, black logs, turning back over to you with a shrug. "Dutch says so." Of course he does.

You hold back on rolling your eyes. "He at least in a better mood than yesterday?" You ask, very much still remembering his bite back to your simple attempt at making the situation you three were currently in a little more bearable. Micah starts walking off while talking to you, and you follow close behind, leaving the makeshift cave.

"Wouldn't put ma' money on it," He responds, voice getting quieter the closer he leads you towards Dutch—smoking a cigar, per the usual—and your three horses. "don't test yer luck, hm?" He gives a low chuckle, and you just sigh. Snow; low temperatures; blizzards; all things you wanted to leave and forget in Colter. But, here you were.

Dutch gives an acknowledging nod to both of you, which you swiftly return. "We ready to go, then?" Micah gives him another nod, and walks up to Baylock. You follow to your own horse, petting it briefly before getting up onto the saddle, mounting up as the two of them soon do the same.

The three of you start the long journey back up towards the mountains; almost feeling that familiar deja-vu-feeling kicking in.

The ride is long and definitely not friendly; the moment your horses get you to the snow, the wind picks up and so does the snow, plowing down on all six of you. It's almost unbearably annoying, having to ride with one hand on your reins and one covering the top of your eyebrows to block out the snow from your vision. It's only a long while later that the three of you get up on the snow-covered mountain of your liking, finding an abandoned area with a cabin, definitely big enough for the three of you, for now.

The three of you hitch your horses safely into a small stable-like area, making sure they wouldn't be cold in their spots. Afterwards, one after another, you enter the cabin and inspect it; it's a medium-sized hut-type room, a few cots still stable enough to sleep in and a kitchen on the other side, most cabinets left open and empty. Mere minutes of searching left you with a few cans of fruit and vegetables, but between you three, hunting will definitely be a must for nourishment. At least theres a run-down fireplace you can use to warm up your shivering bodies. Dutch sends Micah to get firewood, instructing you to work with him and make the place look a bit less messy. And, three of you get to work.

It isn't exactly homey, but it'll do. Can't be picky now, can you? You had a home, and it was Dutch's own fault everything at 'home' went to shit.

It's been about a week since, and you've gotten used to the spot you three settled into, you could even start calling it home. Well, no—nothing will ever replace the home that the gang provided, but that's something you'll have to simply cope with. You're still following Dutch, so really, do you miss them that much? Your trail of thought is broken up by the sound of the creaky cabin door opening, raising the volume of the small blizzard going on outside briefly.

Dutch and Micah enter after another, closing the door of the small cabin and blocking out the sound of wind outside. Your head perks up from the small book you were examining at the sound, and you nod in greeting. "Hey," Your gaze goes back to the book until Dutch clicks his tongue at you.

"Eyes up here."

You don't take even a second to comply, meeting his eyes but occasionally drifting them to Micah. You're slightly confused, they're acting odd. "You need something, Dutch?"

"Stand up."

Every command sends a small shiver to your spine, that much is sure. You place the book down and rise from your seat on the creaky cot, taking a step towards them to stand before the two men. Your compliance and submissiveness always sends one side of Dutch's mouth up slightly. "Got a.. proposition for you. Well... Not exactly, anyways." Micah matches Dutch's dark chuckle after the leader speaks up again, both looking down at you. "Listen now, it's been pretty cold, hasn't it, my dear?" As Dutch speaks to you, your eyes stay glued on him; but you can see Micah taking slow steps away from the leader, and around you. You focus on Dutch again, nodding. "That's what we thought. You see," He then takes a step closer to you, gloved hands clasping together in front of you. "we can keep ourselves warm without wasting so much firewood." At Dutch's words, you can definitely feel Micah so much closer to you, from behind your back. You're starting to feel something bubble in your abdomen; was it nervousness, anxiety? Lust, arousal? You couldn't exactly tell.

"Tell me, my dear," Another two steps; one in front of you, one behind you. You feel like you're being circled by sharks in an ocean, hunters on prey, making you feel small again. "you're a smart girl; you do know what I mean, don't you?" Oh, you do. You know it all too well as you've imagined it one too many times—late at night in your tent, your hands on yourself underneath the blanket, muffling the moans of their names into your palm—so it's not an unfamiliar feeling. Your words seem to only fail you further the more he speaks, so you just nod again. His moustache follows the curve of his lips when that devilish smirk arises again. "Thought so. Now..."

His gloves glide over your shoulders, leather on leather as he stands right in front of you now. "And surely, you wouldn't mind trying this new warm-up with us, would you?"

Like a cat playing with a mouse it's caught, toying with it until it breaks. Except, it's two big cats and one meek little mouse. A hot breath glides down to you, right over your shoulder when Micah draws himself closer, and you feel stuck in your spot between them—even more so when Micah places his gloved hands down to your sides, almost kneading at your waist. Now, how could you ever say no? It's Dutch Van der Linde and Micah Bell. For one, you've been imagining this scenario in the comfort of your tent, late into the many nights that turned very hot, very quickly. But also, do you really have a choice? Your boss; your leader, asking such a vulgar and intimate thing of you? What would he say if you refused? Would he let you refuse? Is this all another power-trip he'll hold over your head?

No time for questions when Micah squeezes your waist to bring you back to reality. "He asked 'ya a question, doll." He purrs—its low and sultry, right next to your ear, accompanied by another knead to your body. You feel almost lightheaded by your current situation. Your hands have been unconsciously balled-up, digging into your trousers in an attempt to ground yourself. "C'mon, answer the man." And all you can manage is a nod, again. A moan would probably leave your mouth if you opened it, which.. would also be an answer. Your nod was really all it took, a silent consent more than enough for Micah's hands to travel to your hips and for Dutch's to find the sides of your neck.

"Good girl, always listening to me like this. I know you wouldn't disobey."

The feeling is indescribable, really—Micah touches you with urgency and carelessness, almost selfishly and greedily; his hands map out the contour of your body, almost as if trying to mould your curves to his liking. Dutch, however, takes it hellishly slow; thumbs brush over the front of your neck while the tips of his other fingers dig into the sides, almost as if trying to coax you to relax into whatever they have planned for you. "Oh, she's good, boss." Whenever Micah speaks, it ends up right next to your ear, and you feel that familiar shiver down your spine. An agreeing chuckle leaves Dutch's mouth, which is very close to your face; your own lips. You're clueless as to what you have to do—should you stay stiff? Touch one of them? Say anything at all to their comments and wandering touches?

Dutch's slow pace slips up when he can't hold himself back from giving himself a taste of yourself, dipping his head down to latch onto your lips. It's nice and quick, and your hands find themselves creeping up his coat and resting on his shoulders, whereas his move under your jacket and place themselves on your ribs and under your chest. Micah is pressed right up to your back now, one hand leaves your hip to move your hair away from your neck, sliding your jacket collar down as he starts to pepper the side of your neck in kisses, occasionally sucking on the skin while pressing his hips to your backside—you can already feel him through both of your clothes. Dutch takes a moment to lick your lip, coaxing you to open your mouth up for him. You comply and your lips part an opening for Dutch's tongue, hands squeezing at his shoulders.

His tongue explores around your mouth with profound efficiency; with experience. It makes the feeling in your abdomen all the more prominent, and you slowly feel a heat rushing to it. Micah isn't any worse either, the mixture of his gentle kisses, rough sucks and sometimes licks up your neck all make you more worked up than you'd ever want to imagine. He's still pressed up to your rear, hands at the very top of your outer thighs, roughly handling you like previously. Then, Dutch starts unbuttoning your jacket. Slowly, each one gets undone, and your jackets pools between yours and Micah's boots, who carefully kicks it aside, just to continue marking up your neck. His stubble and beard occasionally brushes against your sensitive neck, making you let out little sounds into Dutch's mouth. Oh, how they're enjoying this.

Dutch momentarily breaks away from you, leaving you to finally breathe in. "You know, I always liked how you followed me so blindly," Dutch's hands move up and brush over your chest, then cup both of the muscles. "it was so damn hard to not take you right then and there, in camp." You gasp and sigh when his hands start massaging and fondling you. This much foreplay has never gotten you so worked up in your life, and you can definitely feel the dampness between your legs growing with each moment. Then, Micah's hands move. They're getting impatient, seen so by the man behind you who starts groping your rear, breathing oh-so-sweetly down your neck. "I'mma have my fun with'chu, sweet thin'." His hums have goosebumps running up your body. His hands squeeze your ass a final time before moving, sliding down onto your inner thighs. You almost think that he can tell how wet you are, from the low laugh he lets out into your neck.

Impatience really overtakes both of them when they break away and start stripping. Coats, vests, undershirts, trousers; all the many layers you need to survive the coldness of West Grizzlies. Once they're almost bare, left in their underpants, they walk to one of the cots and coax you to follow, taking a seat next to each other and gesturing for you to stand in front of them. "Your turn, my dear." Dutch commands, leaning back slightly.

"Make sure to give us a good show, darlin'." Micah adds, following Dutch and also leaning back. And a good show, they shall receive. You start with your undershirt, slowly and almost teasingly unbuttoning it, exposing yourself inch by inch, moment by moment. "Oh, she's good." Micah purrs to Dutch, looking at you intently and never breaking his eyes away from your body. Dutch gives an agreeing hum, nodding to the other mans' words as you move to your jeans, shrugging your undershirt off while undoing the restraints of your jeans. You slip them off and toss both clothing articles to your jacket, standing in only your garments, now only covering your chest and mound. Their eyes are still so predatory, it's almost killing you. Then, finally, Dutch gestures with his hand for you to move closer, and you step up right in front of them. They part slightly to the side, and Micah pats the space between them on the bed. You understand instantly and comply just as quickly, sitting between them now. "Attagirl... how'd 'ya train 'er to listen so well, boss?"

Neither of them say more, as Micah leans in to get his lips onto yours himself now, kissing you with speed and want; need. Dutch's hands go to your back, fiddling with your bra to get it off of you. Oh, but the best part is Micah's hands; one reaches down between your legs instantly, swiping across your slit over your undergarments. "Oh shit, 'yer this damn wet already?" Both men laugh in sync, dark and low chuckles filling the cabin. His fingers find your clit under the fabric and start rubbing, coaxing you to moan into his mouth which you do. He loves how your meek little gasps and whimpers echo down his throat, and he rubs faster. The other hand of his tangles itself in your hair, pulling you closer to deepen the kiss. Dutch finally undoes your bra clasps, working it off of you without disturbing Micah and his workings on you. Your bra is tossed elsewhere, and one of Dutch's hands instantly finds your chest, fondling one while latching his mouth onto the other. Your hands grip one shoulder of theirs each, nails digging into the skin as your moans vibrate into Micahs mouth, hips already twitching into his two fingers working your bundle of nerves perfectly. Micah only breaks himself off your lips for a brief moment, "Can't wait to see this pretty cunt stretch around me." his mouth is back on yours, and the sentence alone has you grinding into his two fingers. Where's your dignity now?

Dutch's lips kiss around your nipple, teeth graze and pull oh-so-perfectly, and you already feel like you're close. They handle you with very different paces and things in mind; Micah is clearly trying to humiliate, get you to cum for him as quick as he can to give his ego a boost. Dutch however, he's now teasing; torturously slow pace on both of your tits, yet it works you up just as well as Micah's finger and mouth. And both are equally as blissful.

"Think she's ready for us?" Micah slows his fingers down and moves away from your lips to Dutch's question.

"Oh, surely, see how she's try'na fuck herself on my fingers? Poor, little thing. Bet she wants more."

"Well," Dutch leans away from your chest, standing to get his undergarments off. It's not long before Micah follows, and you can barely look at them; nude as the days they were born, with two almost equally as big cocks twitching for you, some precum at both their tips. It's a sight. "reckon she knows what she has to do—" He turns from Micah to yourself. "—doesn't she?" You swallow. Call it practice for what's to come, literally.

You shuffle off of the bed, and your knees meet the wood floors. Their grins down at you leave your panties practically leaking your own arousal. Looking between them, unsure where to start, you choose the leader—obviously. You get on-level with his hips, placing your hands on his thighs. "Oh, now don't leave my partner out, my dear." Dutch takes one of your hands by the wrist, guiding it to Micah's lower abdomen. "Show us both some love, baby." You can barely breathe at this point, and your hands might even be trembling slightly. Now, you've given maybe one blowjob/handjob in your life; but both, at the same time? This is overwhelming. Nonetheless, can't disappoint your boss, now can you? You push your thoughts down and slide your hand around Micah's shaft, running your thumb over his precum-covered tip to slicken it slightly, while simultaneously licking a stripe up the underside of Dutch's cock, collecting the leaky substance for a taste. Their faces are full of arousal and pure bliss, they almost make you feel proud. Dutch raises a hand to run through your hair, tugging on it. "We're old, impatient men, my darlin'. Get to it."

You take half of Dutch in your mouth, and start pumping your hand up and down Micah, earning a few praising groans and another tug to your hair, trying to draw you closer. You take Dutch until he hits the back of your mouth, and you barely suppress gagging on him. Don't need to inflate his ego that much. You move and bob your head, saliva slickening Dutch's dick up and painting your lips, some gathering at the corners of your mouth. Your hand works Micah in a slightly faster pace, seeing as it's easier to pump your hand over his shaft than take one in your mouth—especially one Dutch's size. You're used to average men, so this might as well even be nice. Not so much when he'll be stretching you open, but we'll get to that problem later. You continue your demonstrations, getting both of them to groan and even chuckle sometimes, looking down at you. They always looked down at you, you knew so much—but only ever figuratively. Never literally.

It's not long before Dutch grabs your head and just fucks himself into your mouth at his pace, which makes it easier to focus on your hand that's working Micah. You increase the pace of your hand, occasionally teasing the tip to see it twitch before continuing. "Wouldn't be surprised if you was a whore before 'ya joined us, so good at this." Micah's comment should make you mad, but you're definitely more turned on than anything. "Keep working dem pretty fingers around me, 'm close." And you absolutely will.

Dutch, however, doesn't give you a warning like Micah; he suddenly cums down your throat with a groan, and you have to focus on not gagging all over his dick as it empties itself out into your mouth, and you swallow every drop like if it were holy water. Unfortunately, you're not given a breather when he withdraws his hips from your mouth, as Micah pulls your hand away from his cock and brings your closer to it, grasping your jaw and squeezing so that your lips part. "Open." You don't feel like being painted all over with his cum, so you comply instantly, and he jerks himself a few times before spilling into your mouth like Dutch, your hands finding his thighs to brace yourself.

"Damn, she's good." Dutch seats himself back on the cot with a small creak, palming himself—somehow still semi-hard. Micah lets go of your jaw after he's spent, and you can't stop yourself from coughing as you swallow practically every drop, only a few around your mouth still. Micah chuckles down at you before grabbing you by the sides, his hands grasping your waist as he brings you back to your feet. "Come on then, you ain't done yet, or are 'ya, babydoll?" You're guided over to Dutch, turned to face him as both men help position you over him to straddle the leader. Micah's hands are replaced by Dutch's ones, who immediately moves your panties off and guides your folds around his shaft to slicken himself up again. "Still practically dripping. Oh, you poor thing. We won't be selfish no longer, my dear, you shall get your own, too." His tip slides to your entrance, and you have to grasp his shoulders to keep yourself steady, your lips slightly parted in pleasure. Slowly, Dutch's tip presses into you, and you squeak out a moan as you feel that small stretch you were dreading. "I'll go slow, don't wanna split our new toy in half, do we darling?" Well, that's exactly how you're feeling, oddly enough.

You're gasping and moaning as every inch of his disappears into your slick walls, the lewd noises mixing with Dutch's small praise and breathy exhales as you sink down on his cock, feeling it twitch inside you a few times. "Good girl, taking all of me like that." He gives you a moment to adjust before lifting your hips up and slamming right back down, earning a strained moan out of you, nail indents marking his shoulders up as they dig into the flesh, which just makes him laugh. "Love how tight you are, like it's sucking me right in. Your cunt loves me stretching you out, huh." His hips slowly begin to slap against you, filling the cabin with the suggestive noises of skin-on-skin and moans.

As you finally get used to his size, you feel hands on your waist from behind. You almost forgot Micah was there, seeing how quiet he was being. Then, one hand trails down to your rear, and a thumb circles your anus. "Can't leave me out again, can 'ya?" His thumb slowly draws itself into you, and you have to bite down on Dutch's shoulder. Jesus, you did not expect them to try and fuck you at the exact same time, even less from behind. He briefly extracts his thumb to spit at your entrance, circle it and then stick it right back in, trying to loosen your muscles up for his—much fucking bigger, may you add—member. They find a similar pace, Dutch is rutting you down onto his dick while Micah's thumb stretches your other hole out, readying it for his cock which is already leaking in anticipation. You brace yourself when he moves his thumb out and spits again, this time on his own cock to moisten it up again, mixing the saliva with his precum. Then, his tip slaps against your ass a few times, before it slides to your opening. Dutch has slowed his thrusts down to let Micah get in as well, and you haven't stopped biting at his shoulder since you started, almost drooling around it. Even if it's only the tip, as soon as Micah eases it in, you shudder and gasp into Dutch's flesh, biting down harder as your asshole feels every little stretch it's getting from Micah's thick cock. Thankfully, it's sliding in somewhat-easily after a few moments, Dutch's hands squeezing your hips as he shushes you to relax you, and Micah's caressing your backside as he slowly sinks into you.

The first thrust is the worst, obviously. You almost immediately shiver when Micah slowly slips out of you, to the tip, before drawing his hips right against your ass again. Dutch coos into your ear to keep you collected as Micah gets you used to his size, kissing your slightly sweaty spine briefly. "Come on, 'ya can take me, girlie." He sinks his whole length into you, almost as breathless as you. Then, they slowly find a synced pace and fuck into you from both holes as you gasp against Dutch's shoulder and shudder into him. "We'll let'cha cum too, don't worry doll." Micah slides a hand over to your abdomen, and his thumb circles your clit once more. You're on cloud nine—hell, you've never been high, but it's probably similar to this feeling. Your holes are tight around their cocks, all three now audibly gasping and moaning in sync. It's possibly the lewdest trio you've ever heard. With how they're thrusting into you, you're reduced to a goddamn mess; gasping, moaning their names, your cunt and anus tightening and squeezing, your mouth open and tongue slightly sticking out—you look like a dog, almost. Their bitch, that's for sure. From now on, anyways. You don't see how this could ever be a one-time-thing.

You can feel your orgasm building again, and you've honestly been doing pretty well, all things considered. "Can't cum in that pretty cunt, but I can back here." Micah's comment runs goosebumps over your body, and you already dread the feeling of that. His breath brushes over your skin as he kisses up your back again, reaching the nape of your neck and grazing his teeth over it, all while his hips slam into your ass. Dutch is stroking your sides, his cock twitching even more inside you. He's close—Micah's close—you're close—you might all just come at the same time.

That's exactly how it goes down. You're first to hit your orgasm, one that causes you to squeeze around their cocks once more, which is enough for both of them to hit their peaks with you, Micah staying buried deep in your guts while Dutch pulls out and jerks himself dry over your mound and his stomach, gasping for air in sync with you. Micah draws his spent member out of your asshole slowly, some of his cum leaking out and down your thigh. He takes a breather on your back and hugs around your waist, heaving into your spine. Your body relaxes over Dutch's, who can barely hold all three of you up. It takes all three of you a moment of no movement to calm down from your highs, before Micah is first to move off your back and help you off Dutch, slowly seating you next to him. "Well, goddamn, princess. Dutch was right; 'ya didn't disappoint for even a moment." He hums, getting to the nightstand and tossing a rag over your stomach. He shuts the drawer and sits down next to you, cleaning Dutch's spent off of your stomach while you gather your thoughts, before wiping his shaft and tossing it over to Dutch.

"I'm sure you know we aren't leaving you be after that performance, my dear." Dutch adds as he wipes him self clean, and you just wordlessly nod, laying back slightly. "I guessed so." He chuckles, and Micah chimes in with his own breathy laugh, standing to walk over and grab everyone's clothes, giving them out to you and Dutch before starting to get dressed himself.

And you're damn sure you won't want to stop anytime soon either.

Kudos on AO3 appreciated, as always! This fic killed me omg its my longest one up to date and its got me in a chokehold. fuck i wanna be between them so bad.

[ticktockmyclockworkhart]

I don't really think of any modern AUs for red dead for some reason, idk, I have modern AU thoughts for any other piece of media that takes place in the past but for some reason I just can't separate these guys from the old west for the life of me

BUT the one modern AU thought I had and that I have very frequently is the thought of the entire Van Der Linde gang going to disneyland. That thought just tickles me. Like

Tilly, Mary-Beth and Karen make it their mission to go meet every single disney princess and they also kidnap Arthur and make him go with them. But he actually ends up having a kinda fun time because he enjoys wonder and whimsy, doesn't mean every character interaction before they took pictures wasn't stiflingly awkward though. he mumbled the entire time and refused to do any whimsical poses for the pictures

Hosea and Dutch are camped out somewhere shady by the park entrance with everyone's bags and snacks and water to act as home base and collect all their idiots at the end of the day, the only time they move is when an employee runs up to them and asks if the exhausted man with the scars on his face who fell asleep on a bench in direct sunlight by splash mountain and may or may not be suffering heat stroke belongs to them and they have to go help John before the park calls an ambulance. They go on exactly one ride at night, the jungle cruise, with arthur and john. Hosea laughs at all the skipper's bad jokes and Dutch thinks the whole thing is fucking stupid

Susan is also camped out with them but she gets worried about everyone too often and keeps getting up to go to everyone's last known location to make sure they're alright, but at some point Sean tells her to go take a picture with the evil stepmother from cinderella because they look like twins so she just goes back to Hosea and Dutch and lets them fend for themselves

Lenny is genuinely having a fucking BLAST but is really embarrassed about it. He does get a picture with belle because she's his favorite disney princess (bookworms ftw) and he runs into Arthur there being held captive by the girls, they both rib each other about what brought them there later. After everything is said and done though he and Arthur totally go on some rides together

Sean WAS hanging out with Lenny but they got separated within like three minutes of entering the park because Sean kept wandering off so Lenny left him to fend for himself, but he actually stayed out of trouble the entire time, surprisingly. He just rode the carousel again and again for like 8 hours because he was piss drunk before he even got to the park (since you can't drink there) and if he closed his eyes it almost didn't give him motion sickness (he never considered the possibility that he could also just not ride anything? Or maybe go to where Hosea and Dutch said they'd be?)

John is living that one viral post where he sat on a bench and fell asleep from heat exhaustion, then woke up to his ice cream melted all over him and mickey mouse putting a cold towel on his forehead. He was there because Jack wanted to ride splash mountain btw and John was terrified of getting on

Kieran lived one of my magical disney park experiences, which was he went on one ride with the group and was feeling good about being included, but then he got off the ride and literally couldn't find a single person he rode with, so he's wandering the park aimlessly worrying if everyone just left him there (this is not exactly what happened to me btw. I went on a ride with an uncle who is no longer an uncle who had a tbi and so could act unpredictably some times, mostly by virtue of being incredibly spacy, he got out of line to go get a drink and when he came back the line had moved up a lot more so he just told me he'd meet me at the end of the ride. Then at the end of the ride I literally could not find him. I wandered the entire area for like twenty minutes realizing he'd wandered off somewhere before I finally gave up and reported it to my cousin who I kid you not was completely unfazed and told me not to worry about it, they'd find him eventually. I still felt so bad about it even after he turned up not even thinking twice about the whole thing)

Abigail is busy being a responsible mother to two children (her husband and also Jack), Jack is having the absolute time of his life and they've lost John about ten times because he's too scared to go on the rides and also too scared of the disney characters to join them for pictures so Abigail eventually gave up looking for him, Dutch and Hosea would find him and babysit him (they did)

Pearson is floating around between the different groups, he's got the big backpack with the snacks, water and sunscreen in it while Hosea and Dutch were holding onto whatever he couldn't carry. He's like pretty ambivalent about everything happening and is kinda just happy to be there, but he is hella interested in all the food vendors and taking notes on what everyone in the gang seemed to enjoy so he can try and make it himself later

Swanson got a little too silly before coming to the park and ended up stuck on the magic teacups ride because he couldn't process how to get off. He was at park lost and found for like two hours before Dutch and Hosea found him, only for him to end up stuck on the teacups AGAIN like an hour later

Sadie thinks this entire trip is fucking stupid and she exclusively sticks to the biggest thrill rides, spending most of her time in california adventure (is that part of the park still called that? it's changed so much since I've last been there), a few people who also enjoy thrill rides have tried accompanying her on her bender but she literally never takes a break and apparently can't get motion sickness

Bill is lost. He was pretty sure he was with Javier and the Marstons at first, but he lost them at some point and now he's stuck in the star wars land and doesn't know where the exit is, small children keep pointing at him and making wookie noises, and he really just needs a drink tbh

Javier has been EVERYWHERE. He has a plan and an itinerary, either keep pace with him or you're getting left behind (rip Bill). He finishes his schedule within like three hours and then goes to hang out with Sadie on her masochistic thrill ride loop before he has to tap out after like five thrill rides in quick succession. He started the day hanging out with the Marstons and Jack insisted he wear a pair of mickey mouse ears, so like the cool uncle he is he agreed and in every picture he's in he's standing there in bedazzled mouse ears with an extremely stoic expression on his face

Charles silently slinks off to critter country (is it still called that? idk how the park has changed) upon getting there because he wants to go see winnie the pooh. After a couple hours of wandering aimlessly and wanting to hit people who crowd too close to him he finds and joins Lenny and Arthur. They go on some rides and then go see winnie the pooh again. Tigger grabs Arthur by the hands and makes him bounce with him and Arthur is in such a whimsical mood and has been doing goofy shit around the park all day at this point that he actually enthusiastically participates. Charles considers it a 10/10 time

Micah was definitely not allowed into the park. 100%

Strauss didn't want to come to disneyland, he had work to do, and the entire gang tried their hardest but unlike several of the other gang members they were unable to force Strauss to join. Party pooper :(

Uncle is having a great fuckin time. He went onto the haunted mansion and just fell asleep and rode the loop until he was personally escorted off by staff because they were worried he died in his sleep or something

Trelawny is there!! They have not seen him for four months but he is there for some reason! Late into the night Arthur got onto the haunted mansion, turned to his left and Trelawny was just. there in the doombuggy with him

[drdocttor]

been on a dutch van der sadness roll hes kinda eating my brian and also hes nice to look at

post-guarma crying about hosea hours

[verdemoun]

there will be a detailed post about dutch van der linde in timewarp in the next 24 hours watch this space but before then The Ex's of Dutch Van Der Linde is an absolute posse

the main trio is annabelle, susan grimshaw and molly o'shea. molly catches up with the girlies more than any other members of VDLs. side tangent i know in my soul grimshaw and molly made up like grimshaw thought she was protecting the gang. molly would be hurt grimshaw actually believed she talked. she was just saying it to get a rise out of dutch. grimshaw would recognize the effect dutch has on the people that love him and be very apologetic for being blinded by the idea of molly talking and putting the gang at risk, and not doing more to help her as she mentally declined in 1899. they made up they're friends shut up let me dream

the first time molly went over for a formal exes of dutch meeting kieran was also there and the sheer panic poor molly felt please please do not tell me dutch slept with the o'driscoll!! he cheated on me with the o'driscoll!!!?! (she doesn't love dutch but she damn well will have another reason to hate him if she's adding cheating to the list)

he didn't!! he was hanging out with annabelle before the meeting. 1. she lowkey forgot he was there because he's so quiet 2. she's holding him hostage in an effort to get hosea to come. they all damned well know 3. it's a surprise tool that'll help us later

it starts off as just a nice wine dinner talking about girlie things bitching about work, modern era life but by the second bottle of wine someone has to break the ice 'remember how fucking annoying it was when dutch put on the gramophone' 'jesus christ yes i still fucking twitch hearing opera' and then it is all out war they are holding the roast of dutch van der linde

it is very stereotypical like they're making fun of how he preens like the pits of fashion they're saying he was bad in bed and things he did that gave them universal ick they're making fun of mangy tobacco pipe breath when he kissed them and all the red flags in hindsight like the gaslighting and the whole time they are still pouring more wine and smoking and getting more and more animated

finally, with the biggest shit-eating grin on her face, annabelle goes up to kieran who's just been sitting there playing on his tablet having a few drinks and zaza and casually asks 'hey kipper what do you think of dutch'

and fellas let me tell you when he's drunk enough to be chatty kieran duffy has Opinions. he will talk so much shit and the girls are just sprawled on the couch drinking wine listening to kieran duffy pace around calling out shit like 'why is dutch such a creep around women has he ever dated a woman older than 25 also what the Hell is his deal with pretending he's a moral superiority 'dutch is a teacher uwu' fucking horseshit half the gang was only so devoted to him because they didn't know anything else and he deliberately picks out people he can mold people to follow his ideals at least colm had the decency not to pretend he cared about people i wanna punch his god damn face so BAD and his moustache is stupid'

the girls are just sitting there snapping their fingers go off kieran he was there for entertainment value the whole time. annabelle just adores him if she could steal one of bessie's boys it would be kieran they have such a special bond as fellow victims of o'driscoll torture. she is his timewarp mom

they put on REAL music out of spite and by real music i mean they are drunk dancing and shout-singing along to 'vampire'. by the time hosea gets there the energy is just so contagious he does join in the 'fuck our ex dutch van der linde' party while bessie is stealing the leftovers. kieran has somehow managed to fall asleep on the couch and bessie quietly sits beside him and has herself a sneaky glass of whisky while the girls + her husband have moved from alternative pop 'i hate my ex' to country 'i'm going to fucking murder my ex'

[urapunk]

HIIII, I saw your post for recommendations of headcanons, and I would like to ask for some Pete or Justin?? I love them too much. My brain needs more content of my underrated boys,,, (I love your headcanons so much grrr,,,)

YES I LOVE THEM. I LOVE THE CRUNKLY LITTLE WEIRDOES MY SONS !!1!

PETE KOWALSKI AND JUSTIN VAN DER VELDE HCS!

not a ship i PROMISE

They both adore blue. Theres ALOOOOT of blue going on here. I think Justin would like darker lakey blues, while Petey likes the grayish rainy blues.

Pete is a chronical nailbiter, it's probably canon though, so have this!; pete has bandaids on the tips of his fingers to stop himself... But finds himself gnawing at the bandaid too.

Boths of them get chapped lips in the winter, but to an awful extent. Pete doesnt use chapstick because he fears the homo allegations, but justin has a Strawberry Shortcake chapstick he uses despite them. Also because it hurts the way his braces brush against his lips sometimes.

Justin doesnt like to walk. He'd rather die than walk anything over a mile. Even if he's going on a jog with Ted he feels awful after. He's horrible with his cardio too.

Petey has hates soda. He just hates it, but the ONE thing he'd accept is diet pepsi. He just loves it to an insane amount and it's probably a bad thing. (Me too though, me too.)

Justin cannot STAND the winter. He never lets his hair grow enough to cover the back of his neck so it's awful the amount of scarves he wears in winter. Jackets too, and, we dont talk about this but I like to think he wears a pair of thin sweatpants or tights under his slacks when it's cold at bullworth.

Petey tans IMMACULATELY..... While Justin burns awfully. Petey always looks good after the summer, and even gives people a readon not to make fun of him; but justin... Just shrivels up and burns to a crisp after an hour.

Justin loves puppies. He cant get enough of fluffy little teacup dogs, especially the ugly dogs like chinese crested dogs. He's a doggy guy, whay can I say?

Petey on the other hand loves Golden Retriever type dogs, the sunny kind like Border Collies... But he's more of a rodent person, if that makes sense. Has a pet mouse back home.

Justin is so Marina core.

<3

[thisisyourdriverspeaking]

It's the most iconic race in the world so it's deserved it's own post & playlist. I give you the all the drivers in the 2024 24 Hours of Le Mans racing tunes. Enjoy (even though this post is a little late). 😊

John Hartshorne (18th April 1957) - Malcolm Vaughan - The World Is Mine

Thomas Flohr (17th March 1960) - Bert Weedon - Big Beat Boogie

Claudio Schiavoni (14th November 1960) - Brenda Lee - I Want To Be Wanted

Satoshi Hoshino (7th April 1961) - Nat 'King' Cole - The World In My Arms

Johnny Laursen (16th February 1964) - Cliff Richard - Don't Talk To Him

George Kurtz (5th May 1965) - Pretty Things - Honey I Need

Hiroshi Koizumi (25th May 1969) - Marvin Gaye - I Heard It Through The Grapevine

Takeshi Kimura (22nd October 1970) - Tom Jones - I (Who Have Nothing)

Ben Keating (18th August 1971) - Gilbert O'Sullivan - We Will

John Falb (13th December 1971) - The Who - Let's See Action

Alexander Mattschull (2nd March 1972) - The Partridge Family - It's One Of Those Nights

Michael Wainwright (25th July 1973) - Stevie Wonder - You Are The Sunshine Of My Life

Rodrigo Sales (2nd November 1973) - Rod Stewart - Oh No Not My Baby

Ian James (22nd July 1974) - Main Ingredient - Just Don't Want To Be Lonely

Naveen Rao (21st May 1975) - Billy Swan - Don't Be Cruel

Giacomo Petrobelli (7th November 1975) - George Harrison - You

Hiroshi Hamaguchi (1st October 1976) - Smokey Robinson & The Miracles - Tears Of A Clown

Francois Perrodo (14th February 1977) - Fleetwood Mac - Go Your Own Way

Valentino Rossi (16th February 1979) - The Pretenders - Stop Your Sobbing

Sebastien Bourdais (28th February 1979) - Elvis Costello & The Attractions - Oliver's Army

Brendan Iribe (12th August 1979) - David Bowie - DJ

David Heinemeier Hansson (15th October 1979) - Secret Affair - Time For Action

Jenson Button (19th January 1980) - Rupert Holmes - Escape (The Pina Colada Song)

Scott Dixon (22nd July 1980) - Leo Sayer - More Than I Can Say

Ryan Hardwick (3rd October 1980) - Gladys Knight & The Pips - Taste Of Bitter Love

Frederic Makowiecki (22nd November 1980) - David Bowie - Fashion

Ahmad Al Harthy (31st August 1981) - Central Line - Walking Into Sunshine

Patrick Pilet (8th October 1981) - Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark - Souvenir

Andre Lotterer (19th November 1981) - The Four Tops - When She Was My Girl

Loic Duval (12th June 1982) - Danger Danger - Comin' Home

Jose Maria Lopez (26th April 1983) - Eurthymics - Love Is A Stranger

P.J Hyett (10th August 1983) - Shakin' Stevens - It's Late

Augusto Farfus (3rd September 1983) - Paul Young - Wherever I Lay My Hat (That's My Home)

Francois Heriau (25th October 1983) - Hot Streak - Body Work

Neel Jani (8th December 1983) - Robert Plant - In The Mood

Richard Lietz (17th December 1983) - Ann Breen - Pal Of My Cradle Days

Alessandro Pier Guidi (18th December 1983) - Black Lace - Superman

Oliver Jarvis (9th January 1984) - Lionel Richie - Running With The Night

James Cottingham (21st January 1984) - Pat Benatar - Love Is A Battlefield

Daniel Serra (24th February 1984) - Bourgie Bourgie - Breaking Point

Franck Perara (21st March 1984) - World Famous Supreme Team - Hey DJ

Nicolas Lapierre (2nd April 1984) - Rockwell - Somebody's Watching Me

Arnold Robin (7th October 1984) - Orange Juice - Lean Period

Matteo Cressoni (28th October 1984) - Tracey Ullman - Helpless

Nick Tandy (5th November 1984) - Paul McCartney - No More Lonely Nights

Robert Kubica (7th December 1984) - Meat Loaf - Nowhere Fast

Ben Hanley (22nd January 1985) - Bronski Beat - It Ain't Necessarily So

Filipe Albuquerque (13th June 1985) - Bruce Springsteen - Born In The USA

Salih Yoluc (22nd August 1985) - Maria Vidal - Body Rock

Renger Van Der Zande (16th February 1986) - The Damned - Eloise

Rahel Frey (23rd February 1986) - Madonna - Dress You Up

Maxime Martin (20th March 1986) - Dee C Lee - Come Hell Or Waters High

Paul Di Resta (16th April 1986) - Simple Minds - Sanctify Yourself

Romain Grosjean (17th April 1986) - Jim Diamond - Hi Ho Silver

Mathias Beche (28th June 1986) - Madonna - Live To Tell

Davide Rigon (26th August 1986) - Pam Hall - Dear Boopsie

Kamui Kobayashi (13th September 1986) - Modern Talking - Brother Louie

Rene Rast (26th October 1986) - Marti Webb & The Simon May Orchestra - Always There

Edoardo Mortara (12th January 1987) - Mick Karn - Buoy

Francesco Castellacci (4th April 1987) - Lionel Richie - Se La

Alex Malykhin (17th August 1987) - Total Contrast - Jody

Tom Van Rompuy (8th September 1987) - Marshall Hain - Dancin' In The City

Darren Leung (25th September 1987) - ABC - The Night You Murdered Love

Jean-Karl Vernay (31st October 1987) - Rick Astley - Whenever You Need Somebody

Nicky Catsburg (15th February 1988) - The Cure - Hot Hot Hot

Paul Lafarque (8th July 1988) - Natalie Cole - Everlasting

Daniel Mancinelli (23rd July 1988) - Maxi Priest - Wild World

Colin Braun (22nd September 1988) - The Beatmasters & PP Arnold - Burn It Up

Kevin Estre (28th October 1988) - Bobby McFerrin - Don't Worry By Happy

Sebastien Buemi (31st October 1988) - Robert Palmer - She Makes My Day

Miguel Molina (17th February 1989) - Big Country - Peace In Our Time

Sarah Bovy (15th May 1989) - Royal House ft Ian Star - A Better Way

Christopher Mies (24th May 1989) - Swing Out Sister - You On My Mind

James Calado (13th June 1989) - Robert Palmer - Change His Ways

Matt Bell (5th November 1989) - Erasure - Drama!

Marco Wittmann (24th November 1989) - D Mob Introducing Cathy Dennis - C'mon And Get My Love

Brendon Hartley (10th November 1989) - Phil Collins - Another Day In Paradise

Mirko Bortolotti (10th January 1990) - Inner City - Whatcha Gonna Do With My Lovin'

Andrea Caldarelli (14th February 1990) - The Beloved - Hello

Stephane Richelmi (17th March 1990) - David A Stewart ft Candy Dulfer - Lily Was Here

Ollie Millroy (21st April 1990) - Lloyd Cole - Don't Look Back

Jean-Eric Vergne (25th April 1990) - MC Duke - The Final Conflict

Earl Bamber (9th July 1990) - Luciano Pavarotti - Nessun Dorma

Michael Christensen (28th August 1990) - DNA ft Suzanne Vega - Tom's Diner

Marco Sorensen (6th September 1990) - Happy Mondays - Step On

Matthias Kaiser (22nd January 1991) - Alexander O'Neal - All True Man

Jack Hawksworth (28th February 1991) - Patsy Cline - I Fall To Pieces

Ryan Cullen (26th March 1991) - The Bee Gees - Secret Love

Ben Barker (23rd April 1991) - Inspiral Carpets - Caravan

Daniel Juncadella (7th May 1991) - Pet Shop Boys - Where The Streets Have No Name

Laurens Vanthoor (8th May 1991) - Vic Reeves & The Roman Numerals - Born Free

Jordan Taylor (10th May 1991) - K-Klass - Rhythm Is A Mystery

Will Stevens (28th June 1991) - Divinyls - I Touch Myself

Klaus Bachler (27th July 1991) - Amy Grant - Baby Baby

Robin Frijns (7th August 1991) - Voice Of The Beehive - Monsters And Angels

Jakub Smiechowski (11th October 1991) - Gloria Estefan - Live For Loving You

Paul-Loup Chatin (19th October 1991) - Oleta Adams - Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me

Harry Tincknell (29th October 1991) - Public Enemy - Can't Truss It

Nicolas Costa (14th November 1991) - Love And Money - Winter

Rene Binder (1st January 1992) - James - Sound

Nico Muller (25th February 1992) - Texas - Alone With You

Stoffel Vandoorne (26th March 1992) - The Charlatans - Weirdo

Zacharie Robichon (31st May 1992) - Michael Jackson - In The Closet

Norman Nato (8th July 1992) - KWS - Please Don't Go

Felipe Nasr (21st August 1992) - Luther Vandross & Janet Jackson - The Best Things In Life Are Free

Alex Lynn (17th September 1993) - Pet Shop Boys - Go West

Pipo Derani (12th October 1993) - Salt-N-Pepa - Shoop

Antonio Giovinazzi (14th December 1993) - Brian May - Last Horizon

Michelle Gatting (31st December 1993) - Belinda Carlisle - Lay Down Your Arms

Alex Riberas (27th January 1994) - Peabo Bryson & Regina Belle - A Whole New World

Ryo Hirakawa (7th March 1994) - Morrissey - The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get

Giorgio Roda (18th March 1994) - Urban Cookie Collective - Sail Away

Daniil Kvyat (26th April 1994) - Roxette - Sleeping In My Car

Mathieu Jaminet (24th October 1994) - Take That - Sure

Matthieu Vaxiviere (3rd December 1994) - Sophie B Hawkins - Don't Don't Tell Me No

Raffaele Marciello (17th December 1994) - PJ & Duncan - Eternal Love

Mikkel Jensen (31st December 1994) - Pearl Jam - Spin The Black Circle

Nyck De Vries (6th February 1995) - M People - Open Your Heart

Matt Campbell (17th February 1995) - MN8 - I've Got A Little Something For You

Alessio Rovera (22nd June 1995) - Pizzaman - Sex On The Streets

Charlie Eastwood (11th August 1995) - Oasis - Some Might Say

Jack Aitken (23rd September 1995) - Vanessa Williams - Colours Of The Wind

Dennis Olsen (14th April 1996) - Oasis - Supersonic

Antonio Fuoco (20th May 1996) - Kavana - Crazy Chance

Matteo Cairoli (1st June 1996) - Gloria Estefan - Reach

Kelvin Van Der Linde (20th June 1996) - Blur - Charmless Man

James Allen (4th July 1996) - Gina G - Ooh Aah.. Just A Little Bit

Larry Ten Voorde (2nd November 1996) - Los Del Rio - Macarena

Sean Gelael (1st November 1996) - Huff & Puff - Help Me Make It

Ben Barnicoat (20th December 1996) - Phil Collins - Dance Into The Light

Mikkel O.Pedersen (26th January 1997) - The Prodigy - Poison

Nicklas Nielsen (6th February 1997) - Kavana - I Can Make You Feel Good

Ben Tuck (3rd March 1997) - Space - Dark Clouds

Alex Palou (1st April 1997) - Spice Girls - Who Do You Think You Are

Louis Deletraz (22nd April 1997) - Michelle Gayle - Sensational

Ferdinand Habsburg (20th June 1997) - Sneaker Pimps - Six Underground

Laurents Horr (11th September 1997) - Refugee Allstars & Lauryn Hill - The Sweetest Thing

Frederik Schandorff (26th December 1997) - Course - Best Love

Dries Vanthoor (20th April 1998) - Ultra - Say You Do

Erwan Bastard (9th June 1998) - Solid Harmonie - I Want You To Want Me

Job Van Uitert (10th October 1998) - Ultra - The Right Time

Callum Ilott (11th November 1998) - Culture Club - I Just Wanna Be Loved

Mick Schumacher (22nd March 1999) - Men Of Vizion - Do You Feel Me? (Freak You)

Marino Sato (12th May 1999) - Melky Sedeck - Raw

Sheldon Van Der Linde (13th May 1999) - Busta Rhymes ft Janet Jackson - What's It Gonna Be?

Fabio Scherer (13th June 1999) - Bjork - All Is Full Of Love

Riccardo Pera (4th July 1999) - Salt Tank - Dimension

Julien Andlauer (5th July 1999) - Luscious Jackson - Ladyfingers

Phil Hanson (5th July 1999) - Tina Cousins - Forever

Ritomo Miyata (10th August 1999) - Lolly - Viva La Radio

Robert Shwartzman (16th September 1999) - Paul Johnson - Get Get Down

Bent Viscaal (18th September 1999) - Supergrass - Moving

Rui Andrade (23rd September 1999) - Lauryn Hill - Everything Is Everything

Gregoire Saucy (26th December 1999) - Holly Johnson - The Power Of Love

Scott Huffaker (28th December 1999) - Leann Rimes - Crazy

Felipe Drugovich (23rd May 2000) - Mel C & Lisa 'Left Eye' Lopes - Never Be The Same Again

Timur Boguslavskiy (30th April 2000) - Andreas Johnson - Glorious

Yifei Ye (16th June 2000) - Peter Lazonby - Sacred Cycles

Sebastian Baud (6th July 2000) - Morgan - Flying High

Oliver Rasmussen (6th November 2000) - Texas - In Demand

Nicolas Varrone (6th November 2000) - Darude - Feel The Beat

Jean-Baptiste Simmenauer (19th November 2000) - Robbie Williams & Kylie Minogue - Kids

Clement Novalak (23rd December 2000) - Kandi - Don't Think I'm Not

Alex Quinn (29th December 2000) - Britney Spears - Stronger

Simon Mann (10th February 2001) - ATB ft York - The Fields Of Love

Roman De Angelis (15th February 2001) - Ash - Shining Light

Charles Milesi (4th March 2001) - Spooks - Things I've Seen

Joel Sturm (28th November 2001) - Dido - Hunter

Frederik Vesti (13th January 2002) - Westlife - Queen Of My Heart

Olli Caldwell (11th June 2002) - Sugababes - Freak Like Me

Bijoy Garg (15th July 2002) - The Prodigy - Baby's Got A Temper

Antonio Serravalle (18th September 2002) - Nore - Nothin'

Reshad De Gerus (1st July 2003) - Flaming Lips - Fight Test

Malthe Jakobsen (29th October 2003) - Sheryl Crow - The First Cut Is The Deepest

Carl Bennett (2nd September 2004) - Stonebridge ft Therese - Put Em High

Esteban Masson (18th September 2004) - Easyworld - How Did It Ever Come To This

Nico Pino (21st September 2004) - Kylie Minogue - Slow

Kyffin Simpson (9th October 2004) - The 411 - Dumb

Nolan Siegel (8th November 2004) - Kaiser Chiefs - I Predict A Riot

Lorenzo Fluxa (23rd November 2004) - Daniel Bedingfield - Nothing Hurts Like Love

Jonas Ried (18th December 2004) - Natasha Bedingfield - Unwritten

Vladislav Lomko (27th December 2004) - Electric Six - Radio Gaga

Morris Schuring (20th February 2005) - Keane - Bedshaped

Maceo Capietto (12th January 2006) - James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover

Conrad Laursen (11th May 2006) - Beyonce ft Slim Thug - Check On It

And here is the link to the playlist 😊

[weaselandfriends]

Me two hours into a three and a half hour deep dive analysis on the Kendrick Lamar/Drake beef getting jumpscared by a shoutout to, of all people, the anime YouTuber who inspired Van Der Gramme

This was originally intended to be a meme post that just mentioned that, but having seen the full video, I strongly recommend it to anyone willing to watch a 3.5 hour video essay on a rap beef. The video really elevates the rap battle into a much larger, more culturally significant struggle between art and commercialism, authenticity and imitation, that strikes a significant chord with me after just finishing The Recognitions which is all about those exact themes.

It's also a topic that fascinates me as someone who once wrote a story that ended with a climactic rap battle, featuring a rapper who was partially modeled on Drake. Anyway, if the topic interests you at all, I cannot recommend the video enough, check it out.