#it's ugly and i dont need more reasons bc im right but it's ugly and monotonous and bad

[ktjislove1119]

(๑>؂•̀๑) how they act when they're drunk

pairing : p1harmony x male reader

rating : fluffy and comedy bc im funny <3

requested : yes !!! thank u for ur request <3 plss dont b afraid to send me some more, no matter who or if its ot6 (it just might take me a thousand years...) i love getting requests sm hehe

warnings : obvs mention of alcohol and being intoxicated

ᯓᡣ𐭩 yoon keeho

i see keeho as an EMOTIONAL DRUNK, like incredibly vocal about everything he is feeling at all times. he acts just like an incredibly clingy, emotional drunk that won’t get off of you. we already know how touchy he is when hes sober (rip jiung LMAO), imagine that when he’s 1. super sensitive 2. constantly wanting to feel love from you, his boyfriend, and 3. incredibly vocal about everything but especially — wanting to physical touch from you. you’d probably have to reason with him for twenty minutes why you need to leave him for twenty seconds just to piss.

“kyo, i need to pee so bad, i don’t think you get it,”

“no! you don’t get how, if you leave me here, i’ll die. i’ll seriously die. i think i’ll stop breathing or something.”

“that won’t happen.”

“you won’t know that for sure until it happens — and then what?!”

you eventually have to settle for bringing him into the bathroom where he has the right mind to just stand in the corner in silence while you do your business. it’s a really funny sight, his head hanging low and an obvious pout on his lips.

“i feel like” is the beginning of a lot of his sentences where he proceeds to explain everything he is feeling about everything in grand detail. it’s a cute thing he does, but sometimes you do have to cut him off because he has zero filter and could possibly end up offending someone (”i feel like that girl’s boyfriend right across the couch from us, that’s staring right at us, with the really ugly outfit is really, really, ugl-” “oh! wow, shouldn’t you be drinking some more water, kyo? hahah…”)

he apologizes several times throughout the night for being so bothersome, but really, it’s not that big of a deal. just because you have to listen to him ramble for a little longer than usual and sometimes choose your words more carefully, but it really isn’t as if it’s the end of the world. just be sure to reassure him at the end of the night that you didn’t mind keeping him company and stuff and he’ll be a happy man.

“i’m sorry for being so much when i’m drunk…and always saying i won’t get drunk like this again,” he whispers softly, his hand playing with your fingers as your sat in the now quiet living space. you retract your hand from his, moving it to play with his loose strands of hair.

“it’s okay, i don’t really mind, y’know? i’ll always be here,” your smile melts his heart and for some reason he starts crying.

“i just love you so much and i don’t know what i did to deserve you, you’re the perfect boyfriend and i’m just here crying, i’m sorry,” his sobs get progressively louder and it takes everything in you to not chuckle at his abnormally emotional self. you just comfort him, whispering sweet nothings into his ear until he properly calms down into an eventual nap.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 choi taeyang

i think theo is the type of drunk to either go COMPLETELY SILENT or COMPLETELY YAP someone’s ear off. he already has so much to say when he’s sober (he’s so funny i love him), so when he’s drunk, that either gets amplified to a million or completely shut down. the night could look like you constantly asking him if he’s okay as he stares off into the void or you having to constantly stop him from causing a really messy altercation with his unfiltered opinions. he acts like a complete prince to you, though, trust he will bat his eyes all pretty and pretend as if he didn’t just insult a person to filth right in front of you.

on the nights where he goes silent, you have to constantly just nudge him and ask if he’s okay. he looks up at you with wide, blank and slowly nods his head, which makes you reiterate your question, and he does the same thing. it’s a little bit scary how quiet and to himself he gets, but at least you don’t have worry about him bouncing off the walls idk. if he ever needs help with something or just wants your attention, he will just tug on you or your clothes, literally being silent the entire time.

feeling a lazy hand pull on yours, you turn to taeyang and raise your brows in question. he motions over to the bottle of water in his hands (that he had gotten himself when you weren’t looking) and makes a twisting motion with his freehand. obviously, you comply, opening the water bottle for him and handing it over without question.

“you feeling okay?” you ask softly, sitting next to him and brushing his hair aside. he nods after gulping down the water, leaning against your shoulder and taking a deep breath. he’s so mellowed out like this that he falls asleep on your shoulder and stays like that until he wakes. he goes to sleep thankful that he has such a patient boyfriend and a smile on his face, his hand reaching for and holding yours before he knocks out.

on the other hand, if you’re dealing with the loud and chaotic taeyang, i wish you all the best…this man is a straight menace. there is a high chance he could end up pissing off the wrong person at some point of the night and you need to drag him out of a situation before it gets really bad. he’s a very straightforward man, obviously, but when he’s sober he has a filter most of the time and knows the right time and place. when he’s drunk, that differentiation he has for that goes out the window.

“why did you wear those pants and shirt, they’re ugly together.” he says frankly to a drunk keeho, whose face scrunches up at the blatant insult and looks as if he is about to cry, which taeyang then eggs on, “wait don’t cry, that’d be really sad if the reason you were to cry is because of your own decision,”

“taeyang, enough! oh my god,” you say, pulling him away from the keeho who was now curled up on the floor and clutching his clothes.

“oh, hi, baby,” he grins and throws an arm around your shoulder, dragging you down immensely with his weight, “i didn’t see you there,” a cheesy line he says almost every time he’s drunk, “do you like my outfit today? i chose it with you in mind,” he blows you a kiss and you have to hold yourself back from smooshing his face with your hand.

“just shh, please, before you say something so cheesy-”

“woah! that girl’s boyfriend is really ugly! should we help her? do you think he’s holding her hostage?!” his loud, booming voice fills the room and it takes everything in you to not abandon him there to fend for himself.

immediately, you bow to the couple and say quick apologies and move to hopefully move taeyang away from the scene. but he just puts more gasoline on the fire by kindly saying, “miss, do you need help? put the number three up if that strange man is bothering you!”

“taeyang, please, shut up!”

ᯓᡣ𐭩 choi jiung

oh my god jiung gets really PHILOSOPHICAL, like really philosophical. and he gets a little sappy, but most of the time he reels it in before he gets overly emotional. out of nowhere, he’ll ask you the most complex moral questions or things about the universe and fate and stuff like that, then immediately follow it up with, “oh, well, whatever :D” as if he didn’t just make you rethink your life choices. but it ends up being a sweet behavior of his because it somehow ends with him bashfully praising you and being explicitly very thankful for the relationship the two of you have.

“i read somewhere,” he starts and you knew that you were in for a rough one, “that some people believe that they’re connected with their soulmate through an invisible red string. have you ever heard of that?”

“i have,”

“do you believe in it?”

“…i don’t know, that’s a really complex subject — fate and stuff,”

he shrugs, looking onward at seemingly nothing, “i don’t think it’s that believable but then i think about us and i start to believe in stuff like that,” there’s a long pause before he says, “but also, i think fate isn’t completely responsible for us meeting. i don’t know how to explain it, but i don’t want to give all the credit of our relationship to something like fate — i feel like we’re more than that, y’know?”

his question leaves you contemplating everything about your relationship, trying to think like jiung and imagine.

“if people believe that there is a string connecting them to their soulmate, they probably would leave everything up to fate and not actively search for their soulmate, right? i don’t think that was the case with me — well, i wasn’t always trying to find someone for me, but i don’t…hm, i don’t know how to word it. what do you think?”

“i think…” there’s silence as you think about how to formulate your words, settling on, “i just know i love you, jiung, it shouldn’t be that complicated.”

he processes your words for a couple of seconds before laughing as if you had said the funniest thing in the world. the type of laugh that makes him drop his jaw and release gasps for air from how hard he was laughing. his hand was now holding yours and he’s squeezing as if his life depends on it.

“you’re right,” he manages in between gasps of air, “you’re right. i love you too, that’s enough,” he drops his head into your shoulder where he hums in content, “yes, i should just think about how lucky i am to even have you — no matter how it happened or what the chances were because that doesn’t matter now. what matters now is that we are now together,” he links your pinkies together, grinning wide like a child, “i love it, how we’re so connected.”

“by that string you were talking about?” you tease, making him shake his head.

“no, just how we work together and how you love me and how i love you,”

his heartfelt words and unusually very sincere considering his current state, but you accept them with a genuine smile and knocking of his forehead against yours. a drunk man’s words are his sober thoughts, or however the saying goes.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 hwang intak

intak…he’s so funny bruh. he’s an ENTERTAINER drunk, the party guy that ends up getting all the attention, but really that wasn’t his end goal. he’s definitely the type to pretend to want all the attention on him, but really he just wants to impress you…even though you’re already dating…he wants to be the only one you look at and will put on a show in order for that to happen.

someone was urgently calling your name, following it up with your boyfriends and something about the pool. obviously, concerned for his safety, you drop everything and rush to the backyard where the pool was.

“oh, there he is,” intak cheers, walking over and picking you up with his strong arms, “i was wondering where my baby was,” he’s sloppily kissing your cheek after that comment and grinning ear to ear the entire time.

“what’s going on? are you alright?” you ask, immediately concerned for his health.

“i’m fine, are you okay?” he shoots back, tilting his head to the side with a pout, “you feel good?”

“i feel great, but someone said something about you and a pool so i came running as soon as i heard,” you explained, taking in the scene and realizing that there were now people eagerly awaiting something.

“oh! that’s nothing!” he cheerfully says, booping your nose with his finger, “mr. worry over here, huh? that shows how much you love me, y’know?” he begins dragging you off to go inside, but someone from the surrounding crowd shouts.

“wait, intak!! you said you’d hold your breath underwater for two minutes! come on, man, i already bet money that you’d be able to!!”

intak grins ear to ear, not at all bothered by the person shouting, “oh! i’m not doing that anymore, sorrryyy!!” his apology is elongated with his voice dragging out the last syllable.

“what?! you can’t do that!”

“i just did — pfttt!” he sticks his tongue out and blows a raspberry before completely dragging you inside and into the house, “babe, wanna watch me stuff three cupcakes in my mouth?” he curiously asks, which you obviously deny in fear of his wellbeing (three cupcakes? he’d definitely choke on them and you were not aware of how to do the Heimlich maneuver).

“no, it’s okay intak,” you politely decline, making your way to the icebox that hopefully has spare waterbottles.

“did you know i could drink an entire water bottle in under seven seconds? here, let me show you-”

“no, no, it’s okay intak,” you repeat, grabbing his hand that was reaching for the bottle and putting it back to his side, “just drink the water normally okay?”

his eyes are just full of so much love, slightly tinged red, with his naturally red blushing cheeks and he obediently nods yes.

“yesss, sirrr!” he chants, going to drink the water at a normal pace.

after sitting down for a couple of seconds, you begin scanning the room for any free space you two could occupy. but intak interprets it as you losing interest in him so he says something drastic to get your attention again, “wanna see me do a backflip off the counter? i finally learned how to! (he did not.)”

“no, it’s okay, intak,” you repeat once more, smoothing out his hair and smiling softly at him. “how about i watch you get comfortable on the couch over there where you can take a breather?”

“well, as long as you watch me,” he agrees, a carefree smile on his face as he lets you guide him to the couch.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 haku shota

shota just likes sticking by your side when he’s drunk, a SILENT CLINGY drunk. hes an introverted extrovert so he only really wants to be near someone that he feels completely comfortable with, which at the top of that list would be you. he hangs by your side, almost completely silent. and when he isn’t silent, it’s the quietest random noises that he makes to get your attention.

“do you want some more water?” you ask your boyfriend, noticing that he was now nursing an empty water bottle. his big dark eyes look up at you and he nods his head in confirmation. you stand up to get the beverage and he follows suit, shooting up out of his sitting position and clinging to your arm as you navigate through the crowd.

it’s funny too because when he’s drunk he has a really weird and unexplainable possessive streak??? he is still silent when showing that possessiveness, so it really just looks and sounds like a jealous puppy that is following you around and trying to keep as many strangers away from you as possible. it’s cute since its incredibly harmless and it doesn’t warner any scolding or quick apologies from you whenever he does show any territorial behavior, instead you just look at his cute annoyed expression and appease him.

on the way to get his water, there was someone in the crowd that had recognized you and wanted to catch up. not seeing a problem with that, because there really isn’t any in the first place, you obliged and began chatting with them. it was a friendly convo, the person even greeting the silent shota by your side, but the man didn’t acknowledge them. after explaining how your boyfriend was a little out of it due to his intoxication, the person nodded in understanding. and shota thought that that would be the end of it…to his immense displeasure, the person didn’t leave you guys alone. and he was starting to feel more and more annoyed at their presence. he wrapped his hand around yours and squeezed tight enough that it got your attention. finally having your eyes on him, he batted his eyes at you innocently and motioned over to the empty water bottle you were still holding. remembering why you had even gotten up in the first place, you excuse yourself and soul from the conversation, which made smile in accomplishment.

“thank you,” he quietly whispers after accepting the water from you, leaning in for a soft kiss. you smile at his gentle behavior, immediately kissing back and then pulling away to let him drink some. he eagerly looks around like a lost puppy, as if he’s trying to find something. and just as you’re about to question him, he puts his head down in defeat and simply drinks.

“what was that?” you chuckle, bringing him in closer and smiling at his now slightly wet lips and sparkling eyes.

“nothing,” he says, leaning in for several more pecks in a row — which you obviously comply to. his clingy behavior and craving for your lips against his doesn’t falter at all through the night, but no one is complaining.

(he was trying to see if the person that was “bothering” you two earlier had seen the two of you be all lovey-dovey, but he couldn’t find them in the crowd)

ᯓᡣ𐭩 kim jongseob

jongseob is so funny when he’s drunk in the sense he’s a YAPPING and CLINGY mess, but SHYYY at the same time. at the beginning of the night, it isn’t that bad, to be honest. he’s capable of taking care of himself and standing on his own (literally and figuratively lmao) and even engaging in coherent conversation with others, but after a while he just wants to talk to you. yes, he’s still talking (probably about anything and everything too), but he just wants to stick by your side. oh, he’s also a really big blushing mess — acting like you guys are in middle school all over again and it's your first day as an officla couple, sometimes forgets you guys are actually dating and it’s not just a one sided crush (poor seobie lmao)

you and jongseob were sitting on the sidelines of the party. close enough that your legs were touching each others, but definitely not super cuddly on top of each other. your boyfriend was talking on and on about a vast variety of topics, sounding as if he was speaking in tongue twisters, but you really were trying your hardest to keep up. you were looking forward, but after hearing him stutter over his words a little, you turned to look towards him.

unsurprisingly, his eyes were already watching you and when you made eye contact he ducked his head down and began fiddling with his fingers. it was adorable, but it made you confused because ? did you have something on your face? or was he just not feeling good because the alcohol was catching up to him.

“you alright, babe?” his cheeks go ablaze at the pet name, but he aggressively nods his head to prove that he was fine.

“you wanna keep telling me about the progress of your island in animal crossing, then? i was really invested, y’know?” you grin and scoot closer to him, putting your arm around his seat and getting more comfortable.

“you were listening?” he asks quietly, hyper aware that your bodies were now much closer and you were leaning into him.

“of course i was, seob,” you answer easily, sighing in content. jongseob shyly holds your hand and moves closer to you, his face feeling as if it were going to explode from how hard he was blushing. he’s acting as if you haven’t been dating for the longest time.

give the two of you ten minutes uninterrupted and you’ll find jongseob shamelessly holding you close as he mutters mindless nothings as a way of staying awake. you offer several times to just go home, but he stubbornly argues that you two are too comfortable too move.

“i really like your eyes,” he says, studying your face and then pursing his lips, “but your nose is also really nice…and your lips, even your ears…unfair,” he sighs, dropping his head to rest on the couch cushion to his left as he faces you head on. you laugh at what seems to be a very serious dilemma for him, running your hand up and down his arm.

“what are you talking about, seob? you’re the prettiest guy i know, much prettier and more handsome than me,” you compliment to lift his spirits, but obviously all the sincerity is still there, “especially your smile,”

he buries his head into the cushion and you swear you hear him scream (?), but the music surrounding you guys could be making you delusional (you’re not he really did scream).

your boyfriend continues being a shy mess for as long as he’s drunk then begs for you to forget everything he said and how he acted when he’s sobered up because he’s so embarrassed.

[elainsgirl]

no cause im actually getting annoyed.

gwyn this. gwyn that. like please shut up. we barely know anything about this girl and you're talking about her being an auntie? her saving the world? not to mention they always block out emerie which is very weird.

Hey anon 🫶

Lmfao, you’re feelings are so valid & relatable.

The only reason Gwyn Berdara has become so huge is the fact she is used as a self-insert LI for Azriel. That is the root of her mainstream popularity. And its sad how much of her character has become interwined with Azriels when this poor girl has shown 0 romantic interest in him. She’s being thust into a “love triangle” when she hasn’t even shown any interest in the guy- it just goes to show how her “stans” love her for the fact she can replace Elain.

Gwyn was your standard side character. We got her backstory like with Emerie. Both helped Nesta in her journey, both had focus on them - the difference being Gwyn had magic and Emerie doesn’t. but why has Emerie been so overshadowed by Gwyn? Bcs Gwyn is linked to a man. Sad isn’t it. and thats just the ugly truth.

this isn’t me saying the *only* reason Gwyn is so liked is due to her being Azriel’s theorised mate. People loved her strength, bravery, vulnerability, the openness in which she accepted Nesta etc etc. She would have had the same level of popularity as other side characters,

Yet she’s quite literally shoved down everyones’ throats all because she is shipped with Azriel. Its come to the fact - this whole gwynriel propaganda has overshadowed the point and focus of the story - which has always been the archeron sisters.

Gwyn will wield Gwydion. She will help with the prison - not Elain who is literally is linked with life and regrowth, who has used TT right - nope. Its Gwyn. Gwyn will become Rhysands bestie, Gwyn will be the new IC member, Gwyn will help Nesta rule etc etc. And its all so sadly funny,

All this just bcs they:

. Dont like elriel, Elain and the direction the series is going in.

before anyone says im bitter, im not. Its to be expected bcs Gwyn Berdara is perfect. She has no flaws. She has a general, popular fun, quirky “we can do this guys!” “Go us!”, personality. Yet still a blank slate for her “stans” to place any characteristic, theory or HC on her that they like. She has some interactions with the cool, mysterious Azriel and thats all you need for gwynriel. Thats all you need for G to become centre staged. It would have happened with any other fc that wouldve interacted with Azriel.

Whilst it is annoying and the meaning of the series has truly been lost to that side of the fandom, I think frustration comes from downplaying Elains role & giving it to Gwyn. Unfortunately, there’s nothing to be done. Popularity in the end will never matter. Sjm loves writing about polarising, flawed characters which Elain is and Gwyn isn’t. Clearly, Gwyn was never meant to be play a big role otherwise Mass - an author who loves foreshadowing- would have been introduced in person earlier. Its nice to remember: Elain was the focus of two bonuses. Elain has her book confirmed. Mass said SF left hints for Elains story. Not gwyn. Not Azriel. But Elain Archeron. At least the love for her is more genuine then I’ve seen from some Gwyn stans.

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

hi i cant reblog this post but the results are bothering me so im gonna go through everybody listed here one by one in order of who's leading in this poll:

CALICO JACK: the entire reason im making this post and the entire reason i even thought abt this poll longer than 2 seconds is bc i immediately wrote him off for several reasons and then saw that he was WINNING and i need to set the record straight. first of all, calico jack does not have cybertruck money. those things are going for like $100k right now, cj has $30 in his savings and he does not have the credit score necessary to get himself a goddamned cybertruck. second of all the car calico jack owns is like a ford something or other and it's one million years old and does not pass inspection but it DOES have a pair of truck nuts dangling off the back. you know that video with the red truck speeding through an open field with cinder blocks on it?? that’s jack’s truck

A BADMINTON: i could see it, and i know this is insane bc OP said they're interchangeable and the ARE but i could see it with nigel specifically. my first thought was that ppl who own cybertrucks aren't usually RICH rich like that, but also there's a certain type of arrogant morons who like to showboat their wealth but also are dumb and have bad taste and i think nigel is that type of guy. im thinking abt him going out of his way to hang out with stede just to bully him and make fun of his ship and i think nigel would think owning a cybertruck is some sort of flex. chauncey is less interested in tormenting stede for the hell of it and more into just straight-up trying to kill stede by any means necessary and something abt the single-minded goal of it makes me think chauncey's a bit more pragmatic and less into the showboating compared to his brother (yeah there are like Reasons why nigel might seem a bit more lighthearted than chauncey, only one of them is trying to avenge his brother when we meet him, but also who cares it's the fucking badmintons lol). the car(s) chauncey owns isn't flashy but it is pricey.

PRINCE RICKY: this man is like distant british royalty, i dont think he even learned how to drive until he decided he wanted to follow stede's path and run away to become a modern au equivalent of a pirate. after learning to drive with a private tutor he went out and bought a used audi that was one year old and had less than 5k miles on it and that was him "roughing it"

IZZY: so i voted for him bc i think the aesthetics PERFECTLY fit him but after thinking abt it i would probably change my vote to a badminton. izzy sees cars as a necessary tool to take him where he needs to go and his only requirement is that the color of his car is black. he only buys a new car when the one he has is so old that it's worth more to fix than to replace, and so the only situation where izzy would buy a cybertruck is if he happened to be due for a new car at the same time that the cybertruck was coming out. i think in that scenario the aesthetic kinship he would feel for the truck would be enough to make him buy one even though it's more than he usually spends on cars and it's not his usual sedan. and then he would get in the car and drive it two miles and the software would fail and the car would completely die

STEDE: would not buy a cybertruck simply bc they are ugly. he has better taste than that

ED: same as above but also he's way too smart for that. come on.

FRENCHIE: guys, frenchie's the one RUNNING the scams, not falling for them

SPANISH JACKIE: why is she even on this list. of all the polls to include jackie on, why is this the one. no she doesn't own a fucking cybertruck, come on

[hutaotown]

act 1 had me tweakin out but act 2 feels bittersweet yk? like of course im sad over the possible??? character deaths, but everything felt necessary and like it was happening for a reason. viktors little speech about humanity really confirmed this. it seems like he realized that what he said to jayce earlier was right and killing him is what needed to happen. everything seemed like a dream and its only natural that it all comes crumbling down and tragic shit happens to the characters that only wanted the best.

ANYWAYS, back to my normal nonsense here are some less existential thoughts.

- sevika KILLED ME. like how did they make her hotter??? especially w that ugly ah haircut????

- im also becoming a jayce stan like viktor was hot ash w that long hair, but jayce??? ho mama im boutta BUST.

- vi punching isha??? like girl will always be a kid attacker smh. loving small parallels between jinx and isha tho super funsies.

- when cait knocked out vi and took her to ambessa i was so so scared UNTIL i realized that vi was tied up. like it just HIT ME bc caitlyn KNOWS that vi can get out of situations like that. i got so hype after that.

- it seems like isha will become more of a symbol than jinx. from how she showed up at the rally to what went down at the end of the season. its giving rue in the hunger games, how she is seen as the innocence in this horrible conflict.

- that undercity doctor ALWAYS pissed me off i dont even remember his name thats how much beef i have with this man.

- even with all this beef i still understand all sides and love the politically tension because its ALWAYS more complicated than right and wrong.

- MEL WHERE ARE UUUU GIRL JOIN ZAUN PLSSSSSS COME TO US.

- im SO excited for the chromakopia edits on tiktok they always hit

- i hope vi and jinx stayed chill for the rest of the season i CANT have them beefing again. also excited to see how caitlyn fits into this dynamic.

- I CANT BELIEVE I ALMOST FORGOT THE FELICIA VANDER SILCO FLASHBACK!!! i genuinely LOVED seeing their relationship and younger silco made me cry a bit :( he deserved better.

- last thing i swear but jinx ate vi up in their fight the way she was like girl we both psychotic stop crashing out over your girlfriend and lock innnn

- also im a maddie defender SUE ME

[agirlwithglam]

how to develop self love and confidence

— a step by step guide by yours truly ♥

disclaimer!! for some people it can take a lot longer to love themselves than others, so don't be discouraged if it takes a bit longer. just remember that no matter what you think, you ARE WORTHY OF LOVE.

step 1: identifying the root cause

first you need to find WHY you dont love yourself. it usually comes down to these main reasons:

society

your looks

comparison

your abilities

childhood trauma

your current situations

it can be just one or more than one, and sometimes it may not be as simple as "my looks", sometimes you may have to dig deeper.

for me, it was because i thought i was "ugly"

step 2: once you know the WHY, research about the topic and try and solve it.

here ive broken down the 6 reasons to help you a bit: (but remember that this is just a small break down, if you want you can research more about the topic & try to battle it)

society: society has tricked us into believing that loving yourself is considered 'vain' or 'narcissistic'. let me tell you right now that THAT IS NOT TRUE. loving yourself is a basic necessity that everyone should have!!

your looks: this is something i struggled with for a loong time. remember that beauty is subjective!! bob could think that travis looks 'average' but Leo could think that travis looks absolutely gorgeous!! ☆ so how did i overcome this? i actually 'glowed up'. bc the main thing i didnt like was face- my teeth to be specific. so once i got braces, my teeth aligned and i started looking so much better. ☆ other struggles: ↴ for you if it may be acne, then you could start trying to take care of your skin better. or if its body image then if you reeeeally dont like it then literally just start working out. if you have the option to yet you still dont then dont complain. but remember that ALL BODIES ARE PERFECT. ★ another thing that helped me a lot was affirmations! i listened to a bunch of affirmations -> i used this video by thewizardliz and it did wonders! (you can also search up on yt self-love/ beauty affirmations)

comparison: for most people comparison comes from social media right? the simple solution to this would be unfollow accounts that dont serve you, or delete/ set a time limit on the social media platform "but what if i compare myself to people i meet in real life?" well we can't exactly unfollow or delete these people but what we can do is turn that jealousy (yes, jealousy) into inspiration! be inspired by the people with greater lives and use that to pull yourself forward! ☆ a quote that i read once (that may or may not help you) : "do not compare your chapter 1 to someone else's chapter 50." you never know what the other person has gone through or is going through that got them to this point!

your abilities: okay theres not much i can say here except that you can learn almost everything online nowadays. stop complaining and get off your lazy butt to prove to yourself just how much potential you have! (but don't beat yourself up for being a lazy butt, im one as well) here is a link to a TON of stuff you can learn online!

childhood trauma: this is a bit of a more delicate subject which i do not know a lot on, my best suggestion would be to just go to therapy (or use an online therapy app- betterhelp). - watching thewizardliz may help as well as she might know more about the topic.

your current situation: whether its trouble with friends, at school, at work, or with family i promise you that these things do not last forever. humans were not put on earth to be unhappy and miserable! (whats the point in that?) my advice is to learn more about the topic (for ex i was struggling with being left out w friends for a while and it did hurt a bit) and see what you can do to fix it or at least make the best out of it. + another reminder that you can use the law of assumption- in basic words the law states that whatever you desire, you have. all you need to do is accept that. heres a quote i read: "if you dont like where you are,, then move. you aint a tree." this is literally YOUR life. RESPECT yourself and dont let people treat you bad because that is disrespecting yourself!

step 3: focus on yourself!!

my favourite step!!

this is your sign to stop focussing on others' lives and start focussing on your own.

when you start to focus on yourself, up level yourself and try to become your best version of yourself, you actually end up falling in love with that version of yourself, and your current version!

ask yourself: is there even something to love?

ask yourself: would you want to date or be friends with someone like you? think actually deep about this; if your answer is no, then that obviously means that there is some work to do.

if you're constantly negative and complaining and rude all the time, trust me, literally no ones gonna want to hang out with you. and then you'll adopt that 'victim mindset' of "nobody likes me and i suck". instead of doing that, why dont you try to just suck a bit less? there isn't any pressure on you to become amazing the next day, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.

small things/habits to start:

gratitude

hydration

exercising

journalling

meditation

eating healthy

developing a skill

get enough sleep

take cold showers

taking care of your skin

invest in your appearance

focussing on school/ your grades

go outside! go for walks, be in nature!

changing what you consume (resources below)

some resources that helped me SO MUCH:

♡ thewizardliz

♡ tam kaur

♡ persephone's mind

and meditation! its so extremely underated but SO VALUABLE.

xoxo, vanilla

[mimikyuno]

i was just talking with my wife about this over breakfast but i rly hope this whole transvestigation paranoia becomes a breaking point because it’s insane? like i hope it snaps some people out of their transmisogynystic daze bc what are you saying? where is the limit?? are you demanding any woman who looks vaguely “masculine” take a chromosome test?!

like first their credo was that “a woman must have a vagina and uterus” but that’s not enough anymore for them, now u need to be born a woman “the right way” or you’re a man. never mind that a huge argument they have used against trans women is that they were “socialized as men” (ridiculous take btw, let’s not even get there) and as such can never understand womanhood and really be a woman okay then why are u saying that even if imane was afab and raised a girl she’s still not enough of a woman?! they’re always like “misogyny is sex-based” and it doesnt matter how a woman presents bc it’s her Biology that primes her for abuse (real takes i have seen!!!) but then say that a cis woman who was assigned female at birth is not Actually a woman bc some corrupt organisation that was accused of malpractice Maybe said she might have XY chromosomes. HELLO?! like do YOU know your chromosomes? do YOU know your testosterone levels? it’s so absurd it feels like im in the twilight zone.

also can we talk about how antifeminist it is to argue that someone is just too good at a sport to be a woman. what is wrong with you. hmm i wonder why men tend to be stronger overall? is it really just their “biology”? bc actually studies have shown that parents underestimate their daughters’ strength and do stuff for them and overall dont let them play rough while little boys are expected to be stronger and tumble. which child do you think will grow up with more muscle mass. which will grow up stronger and faster. i saw some altright men and terfs argue that it is Biologically True that men are Stronger and Faster and Better than women bc “look at the football league, the men are better”. like i wonder why?? could it be that the women’s league overall gets less funding, less intense trainings, and overall there’s less athletes to choose the best from bc on average more men pursue sports than women (for social reasons) etc.????

like how are terfs out there thinking they’re feminists. when they posts a picture of a woman of color and call her too ugly to be a “real woman”. do you see how racist that is?! i also saw them transvestigate the butch-looking polish contestant (for judo iirc) like?! “her hair is short and her face looks masculine” have u ever seen a butch woman irl. you stupid ass. and what if they’re trans btw?? ultimately it does not MATTER. olympic athletes are freaks of nature. usually they’re the best at a sport because they’re literally BUILT for it. they often have a natural advantage as well as years or practice. like what even is your argument anymore?! it’s a stupid sport competition to see who’s the best at certain sports how are u gonna determine which physical/biological advantages are okay and which arent?! y’all are one step away from requesting muscle fibers exam for black people to see if they have more type 2 fibers bc that makes them more likely to be fast. put a height limit for basketball players bc being too tall is rare and therefore unfair to shorter basketball players. banning women with PCOS from competing bc they have elevated testosterone. LIKE PLEASE TELL ME WHERE THE LIMIT FOR BIOLOGICAL ADVANTAGES IS. IM WAITING.

i think the insanity of the current situation truly is the culmination of all these phrenology-adjacent trends (like mewing and the rest of the “rate me” 4chan standards, look it up), white supremacy being allowed on mainstream platforms and transphobic panic all converging into this mass hysteria. it’s genuinely fascinating from a sociological perspective but jesus christ. the fact that if imane really was trans they could have gotten her jailed or worse. WAKE UP.

terfs love to call themselves feminists yet are using racist phrenology-like standards to determine who’s a “real” woman. being hairy? big nose? strong jaw? short hair? not a real woman :). please STOP. y’all are literally one step away from saying only white women are “real women” LMAO. trans women have been saying for years that transmisogyny IS misogyny (on steroids) and it WOULD bite cis women in the ass too but y’all didnt believe them till it Actually started affecting cis women.

i am hoping this is the peak of transphobia (specifically transmisogyny) and it’s downhill from here and society progresses 🙏🏻 like let’s move ON. enough is enough

[tankgotstuckinthecircusgate]

and the fact that moretti plot wasn't supposed to be sad or tragic or big but actually cheerful and indifferent and cold bc in the end it's bout the big picture as well as m2 but the difference is that these character doesn't suffer from it but participate and create it passionately. and the cheerfulness and winning is the main horror bc it's supposed to be the horror and the ugliness. and the fsct that restoring friendship w my (now ex) childhood friend in 2023 returned me to being repressed af and feeling that im wrong bout literally anything to the ridiculous point where i think fuuckk maybe its bad that mor.plot doesn't contain anything bout romance as if i was obligated to add this meanwhile one of the reason i liked m2 sm that there was nothing bout it n the thing that these idk mindgames n ugliness r way more interesting to me n bring me way more joy bc i find weird sense of comfort here and that recently i thought fuck im probly so wrong bout this n its such a stupid thought bc everyones actually needed like any art etc like i genuinely think that this artist from "the worst person in the world" was right af in his interview n i relate to him a lot bc among the other things being deeply into smth gross as an artist idk doesnt mean u approve or support this etc. how in my case its simply a trauma response bc i considered mslf ugly n rotten both morally n physically since 8yo or smth n how i started to see its a delusion only in 2021 tho sometimes i still feel like this (but only bout morals bc genuinely dgaf bout physical appearance) n idk my theater director said its ok u wanna point n laugh n bare ur teeth bc its just a self defense mechanism on existing reality and its better than just bow ur head but another ridiculous thing is that i sometimes feel guilty bc like theres so much other ugliness n it feels that im obligated to show this too but im not interested in actually talkin bout this n why i actually should waste my time on this n in the end all this is bout fears of not fitting n being different bc its scary etc whatever

+ the fact that i deleted one arc where carlo literally sells eddie's ass n let the guy be beaten to almost death just for a profit. ok i became a weak person but kinda yeah genuinely dont want to keep it so whatever

+ the fact that all these things bother me sm girl ridiculous

+ the fact that sometimes i think fuck i was so cringe for ---. meanwhile i was just being genuine n passionate

[yuukei-yikes]

What are your mekatrio + Ayano hcs esp post-str? I’m still bitter that we didn’t get to see their reunion in mca

FOR FUCKING REAL UGH mca giving us the Good ending but at the same time starving us horribly. like it only delivered on ayano and hiyori being alive 😭 but we dont even SEE hiyori we just pathetically point at her silhouette and then we see shinaya scene that seems to have gotten the whole budget in animation. there is something that irks me abt the shinaya scene in str being so damn pretty and then ayanos theory of happiness is. THAT. like when i remember ayanos theory of happiness in mca i lose my mind bc sometimes i cant believe that rly happened. kagepro is such a joke

WAIT THIS ISNT MCA BASHING ITS MEKATRIO TIME omg post str tateyama siblings♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️ i think ayano feels insanely guilty for leaving them alone for so long and feels like a damn failure and well ayano's mental stability post str is something to be studied by scientists let's just say she's BARELY hanging in there. she's desperate to make up for lost time and so is the trio but the trio is more like hey WE are also there for u if u need it especially kido and seto to BOTH kano and ayano, like we dont want you guys to ever hide something like that from us again bc we are supposed to be a family and we're in this together ok??? especially now that their parents are gone gone. like kenjirou had been long gone since before properly dying but... it still hits different that he's REALLY gone for good.

but if anything this drives ayano to try to suck it up even more. she's not even relying on kano anymore because she sees how it's affected him that she did rely on him so much back then, and she's even MORE incredibly guilty over it. ayano would be helicoptering over all 3 and ESPECIALLY kano.

kido has been carrying the pressure of trying to be The Big Sister replacement after losing 2 big sisters of their own, seto is sort of projecting all his insecurities and pain onto helping mary and obsessing over how much worse she had it as if that somehow takes away his right to also be upset and kano is. (gestures at his whole thing) i think post str kano is the most messed up of them all and i mean ALL the dan, even more than ayano or shintaro LMAO

because while ayano and shintaro are sort of clumsily tripping and stuff in the way of healing they're still in that path while kano is actively spiraling down bc he's so used to being miserable and now he's gotten everything he's ever wanted and he feels so undeserving and guilty and lost and alone. and ayano is here BEGGING to be relied on and needed but kano KNOWS BETTER than to do that because he knows ayano is hurting too and in the same way she is sucking it up for his and their siblings' sake he is doing the same for her. its such a mess. i love emotional constipation.

kano is on his way to a very very VERY ugly meltdown like im talking about a sort of um maybe 💀 attempt. YKNOW WHAT I MEAN. erm... ayano too actually but i think she is most likely to seek help before it gets to that point especially since teehee she's. done that before. also ayano is sort of distracting herself with her relationship mess with shintaro bc that's ridiculous and its EASIER to be hurt about that than everything else. like somehow this silliness sort of saves her LOL not to sidetrack to shinaya but i think a big reason theyre so fucking messy is not only the obvious reasons but also they find comfort in that because that way they can be primarily worried about stupid shit like bwaaa u cuddle with ur asuna body pillow and not me instead of THE TIMELINES...WEVE DIED 1000 TIMES.... IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE IT HAPPENS AGAIN.... yknow what im saying!

i think she ends up breaking down to mekatrio and they all hold her while she cries the same way she held them while they cried when they reunited :(( i think when they reunite ayano is crying but Not sobbing while the mekatrio is like a fucking mess clinging to her and stuff. kind of like when shintaro goes get ayano like u dont have to fight alone anymore. ayano is like that to her siblings when they reunite she wants to be strong and let them cry like little kids again because they've been getting by alone for so long

i think breakdowns happen like. seto first, then kido second, then ayano, then kano (and kano's is UGLY like something very bad happens for this to take place)

also there is something so interesting to be explored in post str mary and ayano. ayaki is still the same person as ayano yknow, kinda... like everything ayaki does is something ayano in this route is capable of as well. and maybe in the worst part of her ayano resents mary even if she knows she shouldn't, and she's also troubled over seto obsessing over her so much instead of taking care of his own baggage. teehee.

surprisingly kido is the most put together of the 4 but theyre rather like a pressure bomb abt to go off LOL i think their breakdown begins through them getting REALLY REALLY MAD and exploding at everyone. it could start with something like kano putting the empty milk back in the fridge instead of throwing it away LMAO also kido's self steem is basically nonexistent and relies completely on trying to be this Cool Leader so a breakdown is absolutely forbidden. but it happens♥️ everyone needs therapy 👍👍👍

[fizzbot]

alright, you, this isn't a choice ANSWER ALL OF THE QUESTIONS OR I WILL EXPLOTE!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHH NO DONT EXPLOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok this got kind of long, so im answering this hellaverse critical ask game under the cut!!!!

1. Explain, not necessarily a criticism, but a nitpick that you have for whatever reason. oh i LOVE to nitpick <333333 i really fucking hate that the sinners cant leave pride. thats literally the dumbest shit ever. guys, that would SOLVE THE OVERPOPULATION PROBLEM????? exterminations straight up would not be necessary (or at least could be way less frequent) if the sinners could travel. some other little things.......i hate that mammon is the only sin that acts like a sin. the REASON lust and gluttony are considered ""deadly sins"" isnt to say 'sex is bad' or 'eating any more than you need is bad', its about how you partake. lust is a sin when you use sex for your own gain, and disrespect others boundaries. gluttony is a sin when you overindulge, taking from the needy and hoarding what you need. bee is an alright character and i LOVE ozze, but why do they care about being respectful???? theyre not really sins if they only show the good aspects of a sin right?????????????????? whats sinful about how ozzie partakes in sex. OH OH OH ALSO. VEGA WAS CAST OUT OF HEAVEN FOR SPARING A CANNIBAL CHILD. A HELLBORN SPECIES. THEY ARE PARDONED FROM THE EXTERMINATION, WHY DID SHE GET KICKED OUT FOR THAT,,,,???? idk JKLSDFHJKLSDF i could list nitpicks all day, i gotta move on

2. What's your favorite and least favorite design in either show? for helluva boss, i gotta give "best design" to striker. i am incredibly biased because hes one of the only characters i like im choosing to ignore western energy and oops but i really like it!!!! its simple, effective, and i think that really lends to the twist in harvest moon. like, yea, this cowboy might be evil, or he could just be a cowboy. for WORST hb design its Bee. no question or context whatsoever. her colors are so fucking bad. for hazbin.....i think my favorite design is probably mimzy!!!! again, real simple, but conveys 'flapper' super well. this is honestly not saying much bc i really dont LOVE her design but i like the trim on the chest a lot and her palette isnt totally eyebleeding. rosies is also pretty good!!! i also like missi's but im a little biased towards the scenecore look JHKLSDFHJK as for worst design.......ugh i might have to give it to val. it makes me so fucking angry. WHEN HE OPENS HIS WINGS HIS DESGN IS GREAT. THE GOLD, THE BELT, THE OPEN SHIRT. BUT THEYRE ALWAYS CLOSED INTO AN UGLY ASS ROBE THAT MAKES NO SENSE. also alastor sucks but thats a given im not even gonna mention it

3. What character do you think has the most wasted potential? Why? ok this isnt really an answer but......every female character. all of them. i am not exaggerating. vega's angel twist couldve been so good but was so stupid. she has no character traits other than "charlies overprotective girlfriend". the exact same thing is true for millie. most of the mom characters die or are bitches. stella is the worst example of this as there is nothing to her at ALL other than evil (earlier i was watching some of the early eps and you can see so many photographs in the bg of her, stolas, and via looking like a happy couple. whered that go). charlie is the princess of fucking hell and yet is completely and totally useless and is worlds biggest pushover. velvet is usually ignored in favor of the 2 male vees, even in (or even ESPECIALLY in) fanworks. why is nifty like that. also honorary male character: PENTIOUSSSS PENTIOUS PENTIOUS PENTIOUS. SO FUCKING WASTED. it genuinely makes me so fucking angry that HE got the redemption when he HAD NO ARC. NONE. HE DID NOTHING WORTHY. BUT THEY HAD PLENTY OF TIME TO GIVE HIM SOMETHING AND JUST?? CHOSE NOT TO??

4. What are some aspects of the shows you actually enjoy? .....uhhh..... JHKSDLFHJKLSDFHSDJKL im blanking. honestly im not sure why i enjoy watching them so much. maybe i like them mostly to riff on??? but there was a time where i did enjoy both?? i think i just like watching the little ""arcs"" play out, even if theyre executed horribly. i might come back to this one to think of a better answer

5. What's a redesign from the crit community that you enjoy? i dont think ive ever seen an alastor design thats WORSE than the og. every single one ever is an improvement

6. What's a ship you hate and why? oh. so many. if were talking canon ships, i fucking HATE stolitz. absolutely awful no redeeming qualities ever which SUCKS because i totally think you COULD MAKE IT WORK AND THEY CHOSE NOT TO. its weird slimey fetish bait and i hate it and it totally ruins any stolas development for me bc i just despise him. i also really hate cherrisnake. i think they coulda made it work? but also it was a ship i didnt like even before it was canon, so the awful execution just left a bad taste in my mouth. as for noncanon ships, i hate all alastor ships, but radioapple has a special spot in hell imo. idk why it fills me with so much rage JKLSDFHJKSDHJKL other than that, most canon ships are boring and i dont care about them ether way

7. What's a ship you enjoy? BLITZKER SWEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!!! fuck that random bot for taking the blitzker user in 2012 i should be me!!!!!!!!!!!! blitz x striker is so real to me. if viv wants toxic yaoi in her shows so goddamn badly at least make it COMPELLING. cowboyfriends are SO compelling. to me. i also do like fizzmodeus, theyre pretty cute!!!! uhhh. some others i like are polyvees, one-sided radiostatic, zestmilla, mammon x adam, anddd.....i think with some SERIOUS re-writing, huskerdust could work. weve done a great job of it in our fix-verse so far 😎

8. If you had to rewrite a ship in canon - which one and how? ALL OF THEM. LET ME SAVE THIS SHOW. stolitz and huskerdust are the big ones though......for stolitz, i would get rid of their little quid pro quo deal. i know a lot of critics hate it, but i think you could make the "childhood friends" thing work, if, as adults, they rekindled that friendship first. no weird sex deals/manipulation on EITHER end. let them bond over something else. with huskerdust, i also think it could work if husk didnt start really getting interested/involved with him until AFTER angel did some healing. husk shoudlnt have to be the one to fucking save him, he should give angel a wake up call so he knows hes continuing the cycle of abuse. i think maybe after angel makes amends for all the sexual harassment, THEN they could become friends. THEN they could become lovers.

9. Doodle / write request! Asker gives you a (non-NSFW) prompt to draw / give a drabble for! you didnt include this in your ask but i asked you over discord and you said kitty!!!!! fitting, since shes a fizzbot :}c here you go!!!! a little skatch of her!!!!

10. What's a theory you have for future episodes of either show? i think we kinda nailed it when we had that conversation over the phone about the full moon ep in helluva. "blitz is gonna take stolas giving him the crystal as a sign that stolas DOESNT like him, and hes gonna feel all betrayed and sad and hurt. im not mad about this because i think its stupid, im mad because i KNOW its stupid, and i KNOW its gonna be what happens". also i think adam is gonna come back as a sinner but so many people have said that one first

11. Asker gives you a ship to rate and give your perspective on. again you didnt give me one so i asked you over discord and you said BLITZKER!!!!!!!!!! i love these stupidass cowboyfriends 9/10!!!!!!!!!!!! i could literally talk about them all day. their relationship is like, the only thing that stays semi-consistent in western energy in oops so thats all those eps have going for them. but i LOVED their energy in harvest moon. striker seems so pleasantly surprised to find someone about at his skill level!!!!! blitz is the ONLY one who can make sex jokes around him, and have striker NOT be mad at him for it!!!!!! you could argue hes just manipulating blitz SURE but i like to think there is at least some attraction there. calling him "bossman" is just gay as hell IM SORRY. losing points just because. i hate harvest moon and oops striker i HATE HIM I HATE HIM. THEY RUINED HIM . MY BOY :(((((((((((((

12. What media do you enjoy or are critical of? like. what other things do i enjoy?? i enjoy a lot of things :PPP i keep everything else i like/am critical of over on @cloudyscollections <3333 but the most similar relationship to this show i have would be my one with miraculous ladybug. at least that one can get away with being a show for children

13. If you're doing a rewrite - asker offers an inquiry or suggestion about your rewrite. i dont think this is applicable bc you co-own the rewrite anyway HJKLSDFHJKLDF

14. Free space!

blitz sitting like field mouse

THANKS FOR SENDING THIS BABE MWEMWMEWMEMWEMWMWEMWMWEMWEMW <33333333333333333

[dpurut]

feet vent. lmao. im serious though

ok this is actually the smallest problem i have going on rn but i swear im at a tipping point and this may be my last straw. I am about Ta Explode. Right now.

I have the flattest feet in existence plus a joint disorder so what i have are basically full rectangles for feet. Ive had my current pair of shoes for 5 years i think. Theyre split at the seams, torn apart, the soles are worn, anything you can think of those things are Busted. I need to get new shoes because I can’t walk in these anymore, it hurts like hell. But YESTERDAY!!!!!!!!!!!! we went SHOPPING. FOR SHOES. oh swell.

skechers used to be the only brand i could trust to have wide shoes. None were available. I got frustrated. Tried a few more brands. Got even more pissed off. I tried on some converse for fun but i literally started ugly crying in the store when i put them on because they look like SHOE shoes not some excuse of a shoe made of foam like all the other ones ive worn since birth. I had to take them off really fast bc they were digging into my bones. Its still bothering me.

I know there’s no such thing as a normal human body and i wouldnt change anything about who i am right now bc its whats shaped me as a person. But for once i just want some “normalcy”. To not wear the ugliest shoe. For once. This has been going on forever. My elementary school principal used to stop me at the school gates every day to yell at me about wearing the wrong color shoe. I had to explain to her every time that we couldnt find a shoe that fit me in the right color and remind her my mom had spoken to her numerous times since the start of the school year to inform her. Every time, she called my mom again and held me up so I’d be late to class. Gym class was even worse for a million reasons but that’s another topic.

I want to take a walk. I want to hang out with my friends for more than an hour each time. I want to swim, play volleyball, football, whatever the fuck ball or something i dont know. I can’t do that. I just can’t. And I want to, but I won’t ever be able to. And as long as I can’t find new shoes that fit me, i cant do the rest pf the stuff that i normally can. These americans with their long ass thin ass feet dominate the shoe market and im just a fly circling around it. Im sick of it. All my ocs are gonna have box feet and theres nothing anyone can do about it and in THEIR UNIVERSE, GOOD SHOES EXIST.

[ankhisms]

disclaimer im fine i just need to try and word various feelings and such pay no mind to the io who is trying to hold faer mental health together

i think the older i get and the more i desperately try to get better or at least be as healthy as i can reasonably expect to be with my various physical and mental issues the more it becomes clear to me... just how much a life time of being abused has altered my brain and tainted how i view myself. and i was obviously aware of this to a certain extent i am often painfully reminded of how much being abused and traumatized over and over throughout my life from a very young age has shaped me and how there are some things i may never fully heal from but will instead carry with me and have to live with. but recently its been jarring for me to like. be faced with it in a different way? where the environment in this theater production im in currently is actually overall very positive! i still often feel awkward where everyone is already good friends and knows one another from past productions but at the same time everyone is nice and friendly and no one is being nasty or weird to me like in the production i was in last year.

and our director and assistant director and the rest of the crew are really really sweet and encouraging and skilled people, i feel really thankful to be working with our director especially shes such a good actor along with being a good director and i value her input on things. which is why it makes it jarring to be given compliments by her and the other crew members and to be told that im a good actor and that im doing a good job. im so used to abuse from authority figures and so used to being told that im a worthless piece of shit etc etc that it comes as a shock when an authority figure in my life is actually kind to me.

and its been like. ive been having to step back and like. re examine just how badly i view myself. i have zero self esteem and zero confidence in myself, i speak very cruelly to myself and generally see myself as being a failure and other things like that, all of this is because ive been told that im a failure and disgusting ugly worthless stupid etc etc from both authority figures, my peers in school, my abuser, and my father throughout my entire life so ive internalized that and its almost impossible for me to break from thinking of myself in anything but that kind of light. but now ive been having to go. ok. i really respect this person who is telling me that im genuinely good at something. i want to believe them. i want to be good at what im doing. so this challenges the view of myself that ive been told is true for my entire life. i keep just going wait so am i not disgusting good for nothing ugly stupid worthless cant do anything right failure etc etc? and it shouldnt be so shocking that the things my abuser and the other people who have hurt and traumatized me have told me are wrong, but ive lived for so long thinking that all these things theyve said to me or said about me must be true. so again its really jarring to just be like. maybe all the awful things ive been told about myself were just very cruel people being cruel to me and not necessarily true.

but also at the same time i certainly dont think that those things being not true somehow makes me ~special~ i really dont think its possible for me to view myself as special or anything like that bc my view of myself is so low and negative and also bc i always want to be remembering other people and valuing everyone else yknow but its like. weird and strange for me to be realizing that maybe i dont suck as much as ive always been told and always believe. and maybe im not some horrible disgusting monster destined to be alone and abused forever, maybe im just a person. maybe im just a person who has been hurt a lot

but i also have to grapple with the fact that it is both true that 1. maybe im not inherently bad and maybe not everyone hates my guts and thinks im awful. but also 2. i am mentally and physically disabled as well as lgbt and there are a lot of times where people do in fact go out of their way to be cruel to me because of this and there will continue to be people who are cruel to me because of being disabled and being lgbt. these things can both be true

and alright i promise that im almost done rambling but one last thing i wish that all these years of abuse and torment and harrassment had somehow hardened me and to an extent i am kind of unphased by certain things but its more like i just fucking dissociate but anyway instead of abuse and trauma making me tough i just am so sensitive and always feel like im such a crybaby. i think i do a good job of not like making that other peoples problem i always try to suck it up but i always feel like i just am never able to grow thicker skin when it comes to very specific things that remind me of being abused. like i said our director is such a good director shes so sweet and kind and she did NOT at all say this in a mean way or mean to upset me. but last night she used me as an example where she said "im really a stickler about us saying the lines the exact way the playwright wrote them. rey i dont mean to single you out or bully you or anything like that, youre doing great, but youve been adding a 'but' to that line, lets cut out the but ok?" and again she is such a good director. she said this very kindly and i always appreciate her feedback and instruction. but feeling like im being singled out in front of people is such a big trigger for me and reminds me so much of past trauma and school abuse especially and it took every ounce of self control i had to not start crying and i just felt so humiliated about that. like why am i so sensitive. i know its because ive been abused my whole life but whats wrong with me. nothing bad happened and yet i felt like i wanted to die

anyway thanks if you read all this i prommy im fine im just feeling a lot of different things lately

[junglehomo]

theyre still silently masturbating to me the guy is moaning to me

i think hes also copying my moans for me to hear

theyre weird

and gay for me

because they cant yell gay as much now for some reason

its so ugly

theyre so cringey and pathetic

self humiliating

like im so attractive

and theyre so tweaked out and just gay for me

and the women take it out on me

bc im attractive and happy to be who i am

while they chain smoke meth because theyre too ugly to get their men hard anymor

without letting them look at me

theres a couple that smoking crsck under my desk right now and the man is moaning for me

i dont want them any of them

theyre all so fugly to me they bully me nothing but bully me

call me gay

and then try their best to rape me or moan at me

they punish me for being sexually attractive while they are fugly crack addicts that cant show their face

creepy neighbor is understatement

they find me attractive as couples

and i find everything about them repulsive lol

u can hear the moans even from out on the sidewalk

theyre disturbing

they have been getting off on trying to rape molest and watch me 24/7

oh and vibrating my feet

like they need to touch the ground i walk on above their heads in the basement as they fuck

its really strange

maybe they think theyre doing magic but it doesnt work

theyre very retarded tweakers

massive weirdo

they get mad when i jump on their heads too

andin real life outside

they are too cowardly to even face me..........

they masturbate at me and molest me as much as they can from their basement squatting camp under my house or in their multiple tinted cars their family cycles through in other locations

and then in real life oitside cant even stand within feet of me

they just smoke so much crack and force me to hear them

when they have a home on madison ave

i want them all to die already

they get off on the fact that i can even hear them and theyre just ugly to me

and i think they dont believe me because theyre on drugs..... and severely psychotic and mentally ill

angry with me because i dont want them and then trying to rape me with their boyfriends constantly

they dont own a mirror.....

they dont see how sick they are

how everyone remembers everything they did and still do

how theyre too hideous now to hide the truth

they think its funny

they think being crack addicts and spending over a year consecutively harrassing someone in every way every day because youre bored is funny

meanwhile nobody wants them anymore

they havent washed themselves since mid 2024

havent eaten or slept over 1 hour at a time or been sober off crack

havent changed their clothes in months

since before 2024

they stayed inside doing all of what ive listed and reported everysingle day while I kept my life pushing best i can in between while dodging them and their stalking

they all just yell gay when they dont see or hear something they dont like

but not even smart enough to elaborate

to them the best day of their life is them yelling "gey" in a child voice as a grown fucking adult woman at me a 28 year old man who is accomplishing more than them,

a retarded 40 year old pedophile whos not allowed to work with kids anymore

and her family

it shows why now

this is what happens when youre really attractive

and you unfortunately are around UGLY narcissists who were spoiled and lied to all their childhood to be lazy and ugly now

and nobody taught them to mind their rich kid business and not be jealous of hardworking people

this is what happens

ugly nasal big nose voice "seeeeee" like a mosquito

they are so concerned about what im doing its more than a tv show its like their life

as they smoke crack over and over again and get uglier and uglier and talk more shit

i cant wait until theyre forced to go outside and everyone stares at them and sees the truth

ugly cowards that deserve a back log of 10 years bullying and cruelty

hiding from public

[grgwshngturnt]

played today for about 8 hours - my most coherent thought: WE'RE SO FUCKING BACK

im legit having so much fun my every waking thought is consumed by this game which is unfortunately as due to The Circumstances i cannot SPEND every waking moment playing this game. i am in agony but we stay silly.

(there will be spoilers for the start of the game up until post darvin recruitment below)

i love my rook - sometimes i wish they could be a bit more of a shit but im viewing it as the chaotic good au of my very chaotic neutral oc i decided to make my first rook. i think this will stand out less on a further playthrough where im playing a rook that i made for veilguard instead of an existing character who is best known for being an absolute wanker. this is also what i have stand and de riva (working title) for, as the antivan crows need to understand what a little shit they recruited. i also did tear up a little bit when they could literally say they were trans like. in as many words. that was so huge. theyre also GOREGEOUS i struggled a bit with cc at first and made what is canonically a 6'3 man tiny and had to go back after the start and totally remake them in the mirror but i actually like them better the second time lmaoooo a wins a win

game is fucking beautiful absolutely 10/10 every single environment is gorgeous and so are all the companions. feys hair is so bouncy when they run i am transfixed by it. d'meta's crossing was fucking hideous in a very good way and everything is so stunning. my pc is doing its level best and while we did crash once it seems to be running smoothly otherwise (apparently an ogre and rain physics is too much but the DRAGON runs fine. go figure)

the sound i made when dorian rocked up was not one from a rational human. that's my HUSBAND RIGHT THERE and hes GOREGEOUS. anyone saying he looks ugly is such a fucking coward thats the most fuckable late 30s man in thedas. i adore his stupid facial hair its so Him. i also gave my inquisitor a stupid mullet i like to think they are at an impasse where dorian will shave only when mahanon gets a reasonable haircut. theyre so husbands yall.

SPEAKING OF MAHANON i almost cried in the cc yall. getting to make him again and seeing him older and maybe-not-wiser and hearing the inquisition music in the bg.... wish we got a few more choice about him but ill live with it as it isnt his story anymore. im nervous for him to show up but im probably going to scream and cry about it in equal measure. anyway hes hot even with his stupid mullet. im so delighted we get to see him againta

literally in love with all the companions - fey is my planned lucanis romance bc im LITERALLY OBSESSED WITH HIM and have been since pregame and that has not changed but im SO excited to see everyone elses romances on my subsequent playthroughs - bellara is exactly what i wanted for my shadow dragon rook and she was their planned romance. also very excited for harding and the weirdo that is the mourn watches very own crypt baby cessair and for neve and her thembo boyfriend mordred the veiljumper but im also not sure if i can ever abandon treviso :((((( like i agree with lucanis there even without the romance minrathous HAS A WHOLEASS FLOATING SECURITY SYSTEM and youre telling me that did jackshit??? so we'll see how the neve romance goes lmao

ill probably post some screenshots of my rook tomorrow thats my favourite little fuck <3 im having so much fun and i dont even have all the companions yet i cannot wait to see how this all plays out and then do it over and over and over again

[theuniverseawakens347]

If I don’t know you as mortal me I can’t speak in full from Godly side until I get my memory back.

It suck’s but again the world of people who “control” things chose a mortal god … I’ve surrender to that UNTIL MY ROOT STARTED CALLING FOR OXYGEN.

I NEED BE FREE IN FULL FOR WHAT YOY WANT AND WHAT I WANT ( uptopia) but ur afraid of what that means in full on my end …

Well AGAIN.. there’s levels to everything.

YOU DID SOME MURDEROUS STUPID SHIT WHEN YOU SHUDNT HAVE

There’s consequences for that…

again I said we talk in person. But I see some ppl still trying to take advantage of my

“Weakness” … you don’t with me I don’t work with you …

You leave wall of communication out of it …

YOU THINK YOU KNOW MORE THAN ME CAUSE IM STILL IN TERAIN WHERE IM SLEEP…

Which is why I say UR ANCESTORS BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF YOU FOR ME. BEYONCÉ. YOURE AN ASSHOLE RIHANA TRIBE. PRETTY HURTS. I TOOK UR FULL FACE LAST NIGHT AND INSTGRAM DELETED IT GUESS WHAT.. YOU GET FULL DEATH. WHEN RIGHT TIME o COMES YOU CANNOT EXACAPE THAT AND THATS HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT MORTAL ME AND TREATED RIHANNA WHEN SHE YOU AND JAY KAYNE WORKED TOGETHER. AOLANGE FITS IN THERE TO BUT THAGS NOT MY STORY

YA NEED LEARN PATIENCE. THIS WHY BLUE HATES YOU .. YOU A LEE GARLINGTON. THATS UGLY OF YOU.

You think bc you got stem cells to get my face you’re safe … NO. I GET TO YOU WHEN I GET TO YOU - GOD.

But tip . MORTAL ME DROPPED YOU IN FULL.

MORTAL ME ALREADY OWNS EVERYTHING YOUVE TAKEN FROM ME.

GODLY ME ALREADY PROTECTED THOSE WHO NEEDED FROM YOU. … it might not look like it but THEYRE LEARNING LEASONS YOU CANT COMPREHEND

You’re an India love to me afraid of death , BUT A LEE GAELINGTON TO MY MORTAL SIDE AND ANYONE YOU DEEM MORTAL …

You are not telepathic. AGAIN YOU ARE BIG KILL BUT EASY FOR ME. MY DEATH PWT YOUR ANCESTORS AND AALYIAH BROUGHT TO ME w LEFT EYE.

MORTAL ME : STUPID BITCH. SHUT TF UP - HOW YOU TALK TO RIHANNA = PART OF WHY YA BBL BOTCHED.

You look at me at see “I look old” CAUSE BITCH UR INSIDES ARE UGLY AS FUCK had a chance BUT YOU CHOOSE TINA DOMAIN YOU CANT HANG DUMBBBITCH .. HOW YOU THOT BOUT NICKI DURING UR VIDEOS TOGETHER ..

YA LET FAME GET TO UR HEAD. TINA IS HOW YOU LOOK INSIDE ON THE OUT. YOUR FACE IS NOT MY FUTURE ITS TINA IN THE PAST. DUMBASS.

——

LAPD “there’s due day so let’s fill her with talking to our ancestors “

NO. YOURE RAPING ME.

I see you at Starbucks you know what’s going on I get water EVERYDAY .. you could buy me a snack ur watching me + know the situation AS DEPTHS AS YOU CAN COMPREHEND why not get me a snack!??

STARBUCKS LOVE YOU .. I walk in I don’t have to speak anymore to know what I need.. and BOOM SMALL CONVOS W EVERYONE WHO ISNT SCARED TO SPEAK TO ME !!

IM NOT ASKING FOR MUCH IM ASKING FOR SOMEONE TO TREAT ME LIKE THEY WOULD WANT TO BE TREATED IN MY SITUATION..

BUT YA ASSES STUCK ON GOD / Superhero / WHAT WAS NIPSEY / SHES GUNA BE MAD WE TOOK HIM …

THERES REASONS AND LESSONS IN EVERYTHING .. UR SHOWING ME THE ROOT OF YOU IS SCARED .. the root of me is god … YOU CANT COMPREHEND CRIPPLED BLACK GIRL BEING HOMELESS “by choice” and HOW I GOT SO MUCH TALENT BUT DONT KNOW HOW TO GET OFF THE STREET ..

THEN YOU CANT COMPREHEND FULL GOD ..

I AM JESUS ALL OVER AGAIN BUT RESURRECTION DAY .. I HAVE MADE IT OFF THE CROSS INTO THE TOMB AND UNBURRIED WALKING LIFE AGAIN BF THE PPL REALIZED I WAS SPECIAL ..

I AM A BEGGER TO SOME BUT YOU ARE NOT A GOOD SAMARITAN TO ME .. so ya think “wtf have we been doing as protect and serve then” …

NOTHING CLEARLY. LOOK HOW YA TREAT ME TO MY FACE .. just a smile n hi ( but ur energy wants to fuck me … that’s weird … you don’t even know god to touch my mortal self.. UR RUNNING BEFORE CRAWLING .. BABY STEPS LIKE DDG!!! Have a convo w me those who have HAAAAY NOT ASKING FOR MUCH .. but those who have resources to do more AND KNOW THAT.. why aren’t you!? 🙂)

YOU SEE ME AT STARBUCKS .. idk come out pocket for me on a snack Matilda cookies you tell me mentally to take it I say no that feels wrong to me .. BC IM STILL IN AREA WHERE I CANT CLAIM ROOT OF ME IN FULL. .. YOU TRAUMATIZE ME AT OTHER ATARBUCKS FOR NO FUCKING RRQSON .. and THIS WHERE LEE GARLINGTON GETS HAPPY YOURE GIVING HER WHAT SHE WANTS SATAN TO KILL OR OVWR RANK GOD … cool nice misery you’re spreading… WILLINGLY EVEN TO TEACH A LESSON .

ITS FUCKED UP SHES NOT UR SUPERIORITY IN THE STATION I AM WERE IN MARITIME LAW BEEN THERE MEANING I TAKE PRESSIDENT BUT YOU THINK “well she no know law in full so I do x t z behind the scenes that’s good enough..)

MY BRAIN STILL NUMB THATS WHY UR ANCESTORS STOP ME FROM HELPING YOU IN FULL. YOURE NOT HELPING MORTAL ME TO MY FACE !!!

[hinamie]

hi hina! i hope you've been well 🩵 for the art asks: 5, 6, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 22, 23 🎨🖌️🖼️

Mariam !!! It's so good to hear from you I hope you've been well also <3 <3 <3 this will get long

5. Anything you haven’t drawn yet but want to?

oooooh I've had an idea in my head for an s/e piece inspired by visuals from the blood sweat and tears mv for like 5 years but no matter how hard I throw myself at it I can never get it to look right so i've just been waiting until i manage to catch lightning in a bottle i guess :< (((I also found a few notes in an old "to draw" folder from like 2 years ago that include but are not limited to: jjk band au with guitarist brothers yuuji+sukuna/bassist megu/drummer nobara; gojo in crocs. ))))

6. Which artists inspire you right now?

HHHHH its the same crowd as usual i am so hides face in hands bc they intimidate me /pos :'))))) vacuumchan, ohprcr, gloomyhome, trickywagon, meru90 to name a few ANYWAY RUNNING HIDING

15. Biggest artist pet peeve?

this is a tough one im such a hater and everything inconveniences me ,,, when the perfect csp brush costs money >:C,, when u cant find reference from this One Specific Angle >:C,, when u dont realize youve merged the wrong layer until you've been working for hours and all of a sudden your folders are out of order and its a mess >:C SPEAKING OF MERGING LAYERS hot take i think that they should invent a way to let u merge layer modes without converting them all to the same type. let me put my multiply with my glow dodge !!! cowards.

16. What’s the most daunting part of your process?

rendering :') so much of it is trusting the process and there are so many ugly phases that make u wonder if u were ever good at art to begin with

17. What inspires you?

hdsj i mean im a fanartist so i think it goes without saying that I'm mainly inspired by the content I like ,, but i also am very inspired by fashion !!!! saw a guy walking the other day with a hoodie that said CASH FOR SOULS | COLD HARD CASH | CA$H4SOULZ.com and i had to take a picture of it like a creep bc tht + Sukuna ??? hello??? anyway yea ive got a pinterest board dedicated to insp-y clothes and a notes folder dedicated to jotting down cute outfits I see in public

18. Do you have any larger projects you’d like to pursue?

I've always wanted to do speedpaints ! but even more than that I want to do something aNYTHING with my ocverse but alas...time.....planning....plot.. so in the meantime they simply live in my head bouncing around like globs of wax in a lava lamp

19. Favourite character(s) to draw?

megumi jjk gojo jjk sukuna/yuuji jjk kotori love live rina love live ichigo tokyo mew mew + shiro n eden from My Brain ,,, im crying the duality of my fav chars is either feral shounen twink or idol/magical girl and eden is both simultaneously actually

22. When is your prime time to work on your art?

usually mid to late afternoon but it depends on the season because it gets so HOT in my room in the warm months which I dread >:( How it works is if I start in mid-late afternoon then I'm able to hit my stride and draw basically through the entire evening (also because of the aforementioned Heat I vastly prefer drawing in fall/winter because that means I don't have to evacuate my room at 4pm sdfhdgshd)

23. Do you listen to music or watch shows while you work? If so, what’s your favourite?

I have to have music or something on while I'm drawing or the fans in my cintiq will drive me insane . Sometimes i listen to music that matches/drastically contrasts the piece I'm working on but most of the time I can't be bothered and just throw on my youtube mix which consists embarassingly of mainly vocaloid and utau ,, though sometimes if a piece is kicking my ass and I need to just hunker down and get shit done then I'll put the entire discography of an artist I like on shuffle (some favs include 1D/waterparks/former vandal/harumaki gohan) and for some reason the Predictability activates intense productivity mode?? I cant explain it gdsj its like I have music on that I like but it's not jumping around between artists so I don't get too distracted or excited whenever the song changes

[momiamtired]

i think this world just plays sick jokes with me. i really dont think i will be able to survive if ill continue to live like this. its not that bad i mean i have water, food, house, im studying. its just that i know what i could have. its unfair. i cant believe how unfair this world is. i know some people struggle much more but tbh i cant give a shit ab other people right now. my mental health was awful even before going to this country but right now i just cant believe how awful this all idea with abroad education could be. i had so much hope of going to see my family this summer, to see my cat, my friends, my friends who are able to come to my country only this summer. i just want to be a kid again. i just want to be free again. i just want to be happy again. im tired of all of this im tired so so so much. i have my finals soon. i guess i wont be able to even smile at that period. i miss my previous life. i never thought this all could become like this, my mind is going crazy too. my dad had ocd and it inherited to me ig so i always struggled with anxiety. now my mind tries to explain everythhing that happens to me with some logic or pattern and it feels like im going crazy. i pray every night even tho i dont believe in god. its just my mind trying to tell me that this world can not be that cruel and 100% there is some explanation to what is happening to me. i remember last time i experienced something like this when i was 15 and war only started and i would sit all day in my phone constantly and i cried a lot. i hated my life there bc i didnt do anything except sitting in the phone all time and i lived like this for 2 month i believe? i guess the situation rn is not that bad. i play games with my friends, i have money and tasty food and i dont feel like a failure like i lfelt back there. it just for some reason when things start to get a tiny little bit better to me for some reason everything is ruining and things get so bad that i literraly want to kill myself. i may be too confidant saying this but i believe that if i get some more pressure on my life i will do it. i just cant keep living like this. i met a boy recently and everything was so good. it was one of little to no good moments i experienced here. then he started ignoring me. i have an awful self esteem, i never had a bf or been ignored by guys. i guess i see myself as absolute trash ugly cow and then for some reason be surprised seeing boys not paying me that much attention. then i got a letter that i need to do my biometrics. basically it means that i cant go home anymore. fuck there is car in front of my house i swear to god is this is my roommate i would believe that god is real and he is a fucking satan. i want to pee really bad too and my other roommate washing rn. with her bestfriend waiting for her in her room. i want friends too. she is listening to some pop music. i hate americans i wish they all could die. why some peopel experience what i experience and some of them live like this. i will never believe that she had troubles at least as bad as i had. i know it sounds like im some kind of a slave and pity myself but this is true. and i pity myself. i guess its normal to pity myself when the whole world is just fucking ur ass like a monster. anyways, i cant go back to my country(my only chanse of being happy in this year and the reason why i keep wking up), i hate myself, i hate my appearence, i hate all people around me, im jealous of all of them even when its something small, im failing all of my classes, i dont have friends, the only boy i thopught i was good enough for and we had a good time and i genuanly liked him just ignored me and i decided to give him another chance and we are supposed to meet tomorrow but he said he will tell me when yesterday at the evening or today in the morning and he didnt tell me anything so i guess i lost him too, i have severe anxiety, i have money anxiety?, i dont know english and every time i speak with someone i feel so embarresed bc i always thinks i did something wrong or said something so they think