#it's the only thing fuelling me
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Gonna go through the next two weeks by thinking I work in the same department as Yoo Sangah because she's also an HR girlie ✨️
#pure delusion i tell you#it's the only thing fuelling me#med psych pero napunta sa hr hayst#yoo sangah#// maple#this is how we deal with jobs#kdj a real one for this escapism#gave us some advice and i'm using it well#god i hope to get thru all this and come out sane still lol#orv#not much of an orv related post but more about my slow descent to choosing self-immolation#omniscient reader's viewpoint#i'm gonna tag anyway#onlookers i present you my shipwreck of a fucking blog and in extension my life#okay back to studying
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hello!!! i just recently began to play Hogwarts Legacy myself and then saw your art and was like WOW💕 really love Clora/Seb dynamic! here's a small gift, he-he. genderbend version of my favorite art of yours. (if anything isn't okay, just let me know! sorry in advance.)
OMG THIS IS SO COOL??? IM SO IN LOVE WITH CLORA AS A BOY HOLY AAAAAA 😩😩seb, girl, id be jealous and protective if i managed to lock that down too🤺🤺 the OG is also one of my fav drawings of seb and clora ive ever done and omg, seeing it redrawn genderbent is such a treat i didnt even realize i wanted...also your painting/rendering is beautiful?? im so happy you like my art, esp enough to do something like this, this is so awesome😭😭THANK YOU����🙏💖💖💖
#this genderbent clora is my usual type when it comes to boys tbh im a sucker for feminine pretty boys LOL#in fact she kinda looks like gill from harvest moon who i was also in love with#i have so many little adult seb and clora interactions ive been wanting to draw and now this is only reminding me/fuelling me#i just love the concept of them older as curse breakers gathering info from shady places/people and seb being the guard dog LOL#imagining seb and cloras dynamic in genderbent is so cute tho like girl!seb would be the same but smaller and angry BAHHA#i feel like shed be even angrier bc unlike boy seb she wouldnt be able to use her height/build to her advantage#so she'd just have to pout and seethe and just worm her way between things LMAO so cute.....girl!seb marry me#and then boy!clora would have like flocks of girls fawning after him LMFAO and hed be such a chivalrous gentleman to them LMAO#girl!seb would be like UGH TELL THEMT O FUCK OFF#and clora would be like MY WORD!!! I COULD NEVER SPEAK THAT WAY TO A LADY 😱😱😱LMFAO#ask#choccyfanart
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There's something at the tip of my tongue about the parallels between Jackie and Wilson and Who We Are
How the narrator of Jackie and Wilson wants to run away with a woman that he's carved out of his imagination based on a brief interaction. How they would try the world, but good god it wasn't for them. So they run away from it into a fantasy world where they live by their own rules.
And then comes the narrator of Who We Are, who dreamt his whole life of finding someone who would hold him like water or like a knife, only to find that running away from the world will only get them so far, since "the hardest part is who we are". And only to find out that the "phantom life" he's fantasized about is actually just that: a phantom. And its absence sharpens like a knife
#hozier#sahar stfu about hozier#I'm aware that on the surface these songs are not really about the same thing#but there's something about the way that j&w narrator craves the fantasy he speaks of#that reminds me so much of the voice of Who We Are who thinks he realizes the fantasy only to watch it become a nightmare#and the contrast between the dream-fuelled lyrics of J&W that evoke daring adventures on the wide opened desert#and the sharp concise biting lyrics of who we are sung in tired resignation#and followed by near-wailing at the end#that just sticks out to me so much#it's like the whole of Unreal Unearth is just a sequence of the various voices of the self-titled album coming back#sometimes disillusioned#sometimes exhausted#sometimes resigned#sometimes wise#sometimes at peeace#sometime enraged#to sing about their most bitter disappointments and the harshest lessons they've learned over the years#and I can't stop thinking about it
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AND I MET THE CHANGE GOD TOO. OKAY. COOL OKAY
#I WASNT EVEN MEANING TO SO I ACCIDENTALLY SKIPPED THE DIALOGUE BEFORE I KNEW WHAT WAS HAPPENING FUCK#ill go and find it later if only to give myself peace of mind. BUT WOW. WHAT THE FUCK#my original plan was to 1) work my way to the king and talk to him 2) doom myself and take everyone down with me 3) loop back to floor 3#so i can visit the observatory and scrounge for any lore. although since i got killed that run siffrin asked the king to kill him first#which was intereresting. but i decided to have all doors unlocked that time around so i can just get the starcrest and go#but for some reason it wasnt working so i went to get the keyknife since i was already there and completely forgot i already had it#from the previous loop and THATS what triggered it. IT WAS FUNNY BUT ALSO SCARY BUT ALSO I THINK I GET WHAT THEY MEAN#about siffrin going back without actually changing. going along with a script even if his feelings on things change#the same way he has his own small rituals like the carving thing and does it for constancy. reassurance or safety even#and the times when he breaks script and ends horribly like the sadness attacking thing and bonnie yelling at him cause him to loop#to avoid it. although i cant really say anything bc id probably do the same thing. maybe not for the same reasons since im cruel#and make him do the worst to see what will happen since i put curiosity over rejection sensitivity as an observer and player but well.#i feel wrongfooted bringing it up since i dont have it myself but i have to wonder if this kind of leans into ocd tendencies.. i remember#reading something about how ocd is fuelled by fear. and things like counting and rituals are kind of used to cope with that?#if anyone knows anything more or talked abt it already id be really interested in hearing it bc im almost sure im not#the first to come to this conclusion. but i simply dont know enough nor have the confidence to broach the topic rn esp with how often#misconceptions around ocd get casually passed around so its hard for me to know what is and isnt a baseless assumption#puppy plays isat#in stars and time#isat#playthru#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#isat act 3 spoilers#change god#WHAT WAS THAT WITH WEARING LOOPS FACE THOUGH WHAT THE FUCKKK
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would people be interested in me potentially making another commissions sheet??
i had been trying to use fiverr over the last yr or so but it's honestly just really bad pfft and i was getting literally 0 responses over there so i'm thinking maybe i should make a proper commission sheet again? (did the last one over 3 years ago lol)
i wont be offended if you vote no btw lol i'm just trying to see how much interest there potentially is for this!
#not art#never know what to tag these kinds of things ngl#my policy over this yr has also just been like 'message if u wanna commission me!' but that hasnt rly worked either lol#partly fuelled by the fact i nearly got fucking scammed by someone asking for a commission on ig :////#but yeh i only wanna do it if there's actually interest for it otherwise i wont bother lol
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i tell you running a tablestuck game and playing in 2 (technically 1 soon to be 2) has done wonders for my creative brain
#maddiestuck in particular has sent me to creative heights i havent reached since uprising act 3#fuelling my creative drive and the only thing thats even coming close#are the other games im playing in#ivy and elli my beloveds
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i was taking a nap to rest and see FOREVER WINTER UPDATE hang on yall i need to recalibrate and wake up first i need to gear up this is my day today
#yapping#forever winter you are the only thing that keeps me going and fuelling my poly141 agenda#aside from my h141 brainrotting#love i hope youre having a wonderful day#may your pillows always be soft#may your phone battery have a long life#also your hannibal fics are in my head bc ive been thinking about watching it too for WEEKS now im going to read that too ofc#once i watch it#ANWS YAPPING IN THE TAGS RARARRARARARRR#forever winter update ill come back to you later let me just reread everything#you deserve that much queen
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quick thought about eriks and his hair and why it's shorter in stampede
trimax vash had longer hair overall, no undercut, and somehow it was intact after the 5th moon incident. so after two years he got some beautiful maine
now, hair grows about 15cm(6inch)/year, so stampede!eriks has a very reasonable hair length... if we assume that it burned in july incident (or got shaven off soon after)
#although knives got some fireproof hair if it was still there even after his face fuckin melted#so my proposal is: vash gets himself an angst fuelled buzz cut#both in a 'shave my hair as penance and sprinkle ashes on my head'#and 'it's the only thing I can control right now and'#and 'don't remember why but seing that old face in the mirror just hurts and almost reminds me of something terrible' ways#which I'm so so normal about#trigun#trigun stampede#vash the stampede#trigun stampede spoilers#vash#trigun spoilers
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The occasional urge to be otherkin on main Vs wanting to keep that on my sideblog so I don't have to explain it
#thorn talks#okay to reblog. if you happen to relate lol#i have been in the alterhuman community since 2014 and have felt like this my entire life#sometimes it just gets tiring having to explain yourself over and over#hence why i generally keep it to a sideblog#because the people who follow that are generally familiar with the community or part of it#so i don't need to explain much unless i want to#with my main though it's like. i post and reblog a lot of different things so i mostly have nonkin following me here#who either have no idea what i'm talking about or only know the misinformation fuelled views#there's an irony to posting this on my main but
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Do you have any ideas for what would make social detransition easier? I can understand how it might be hard when you're around lots of people who still subscribe to gender ideology but I also understand radfem/gender critical crowd is also not always very understanding. Also, that dichotomy itself probably doesn't help. I'm not detrans but I'm always looking for ways to support those who are. Hope you have a good day
I've come to this question about two or three times since I've gotten it, and every single time, I've fallen short of an actual answer because I truly don't feel like any individual action would ever make me feel truly comfortable socially detransitioning when I still live in a world that actively demonizes detransitioners for speaking on how the transgender community and transition industry has harmed us. It's easy to say I don't want to be politicized—most everyone would agree with this statement—but trans and detrans are very politicized identities, and when you are the only (de)transitioned person the people in your life have ever known, you kind of assume the position of The Educator on those issues by default. It's easy to say I want people to be nuanced—a statement that, again, most everyone would agree with—but the topic of transgender identity has become virtually void of any nuance unless you actively look for it and the average person is probably not going to because they simply don't care enough about the issue itself. Certainly, I appreciate those rare gems of individuals who see the person and sympathize with the pain before they even think about the controversy—but it's very hard to not feel like these people are just raindrops in an ocean of reminders of just how much the community and their supporters hate me and wish me either silent or dead. And this, alone, does not even touch the myriad other reasons why I, and many others, may delay their social detransition that other people can't exactly help us with. Social detransition is a unique beast to fight when you've been on hormone replacement therapy for years, or have even had surgery, and have carefully formulated your whole entire life around being the opposite sex because you genuinely cannot pass as what you biologically are anymore.
There are certain things that go into this process that are never going to be easy to handle even with social support—and even excluding those factors, it's hard to think anything short of the world changing its tune would make social detransition an any less scary, devastating prospect for me. I know this all is rather pessimist of me to say—but that is how I feel, supported by... well... everything and everyone around me. Ultimately, the struggles faced by detransitioners are largely collective, systemic problems. This is not something that any one person can fix.
I'm very sorry for the non-answer. I hope you have a good day as well.
#this whole thing i've recently realized is what fuelled my anxious depressive episode this past year#the longer i go on like this the more i want to just rip the bandaid off and get it over with#but what's in it for me when i do? how long do i get to enjoy the weight off my shoulders#before i shoulder yet another burden of illusory choice?#the truth is that social detransition is a net positive only insofar as the world allows.#cross it and everything will have been for nothing.#not all detransitioners will feel this way. i'm not as lucky nor as strong.#submission#answered#detrans#writing#text#my post
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i have decided that if i were ever in a band (hello band!exie daydreams cropping up again) i would 100% costume myself to be completely anonymous and androgynous. like i want everyone who comes out to see my band to leave completely unsure if the bassist (me) was male or female. like i just want to be the embodiment of chaos and music on stage. don’t want anyone thinking about what i am, just that the music is cool. we’re talking some sort of full face covering, baggy baggy clothes to hide my curves, long shirts/tops that hang near to my knees cuz that helps hide my hips and thighs. even a binder to flatten my chest that bit more. hell i’d probably even try to figure out some way to wear gloves to hide my hands. i don’t think they look particularly feminine but you never know lol
idk i just really like the idea of being completely unknown. giving absolutely nothing of myself away other than the music
#ramble on exie#i have been very explicitly gendered lately and i think that’s fuelling this#like i have days where i’m certain i look very androgynous or even masc and then still get gendered as a woman and it bothers me#it’s also an anxiety thing i think. i love having complete control over a situation. and being able to control how i am perceived?#on such a large scale? that’d be the dream lol#i think the only downside to this desire is that my family would never get to publicly share their pride. (if they were proud lol)
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headcanon: 'Everybody Loves Raymond' by Lemon Demon is about this guy whose wacky family just won't stop watching all these family sitcoms on TV because they're stuck in the 80s-90s and the song is just him listing all the shows they watch in order of what pisses him off the most, all leading up to him getting so absolutely purely unadulteratedly enraged by the mere mention of Everybody Loves Raymond that he transforms into a screaming demon. he hates it so fucking much it summons the power of the demonic
#lemon demon#the idea of a guy's demon powers being set off by a cheesy sitcom show is extremely funny to me#this song is probably one of my absolute favourite LD songs honestly#i love me some Sitcom Screamo™#also i like to think that one of the biggest reasons he hates it for is because his whole family really does love raymond#and he's the only one who doesn't and none of them understand so he's just really resentful towards this sitcom#it's his villain origin story#he goes on a rampage fuelled by his pure hatred and detestment for this show and blows up his neighbourhood#also this song was originally supposed to be on spirit phone so the whole demon thing kinda fits#his family are all paranormal too but in more of a weird uncanny way#they're all stuck in the past in every single way and it's unknown exactly what they are#they're like. obsessed with these sitcoms. and they're so overly friendly#anyway#sitcom screamo good go listen to it#everybody loves raymond
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#nura rambles#idk somehow it's easier to tap on tumblr post button and type in tags then open the journal and write there#my friend met someone and they r already talking serious topics like marriage and stuff and i'm happy for her but it's also a sign that idk#time is ticking and our lives are progressing and changing#and i am once again filled w anxiety and regret?? and thinking that i missed smth and am continually missing smth lacking smth#and also i finally accepted the idea of it being my choice to stay here and that the moving abroad ambition wasn't mine after all and now#that i'm past that i can see another thing that is and was anxiety fuelling and that's this constant not fear but just silent notion that#if my so in the future happens to be not a man there's a huge possibility of us moving abroad cause i'd want my kids to be able to exist#lmao i'd want to be able to marry my partner#but like it's out of my control rn so why am i worrying about smth that might not even happen and making it a huge problem and isolating#myself even in my thoughts uhhhhhh i haven't realised until now that it's been worrying me constantly tbh#and when i tried telling my mom about my anxiety framing it as time passing worrying me because i think our family's life hasn't changed in#the past 5 years at all and it's depressing and that it shocks me that my friends are apparently soon gonna start marrying and their older#siblings did and are having babies now while i'm a nervous mess only now figured i have sad and lost winter months of past few years to it#and my older brother is apparently stuck has been for 5 years#and my parents aren't getting younger and her takeaway was that i'm thinking of marriage and it terrifies me lol#yeah mom u should think of it when u tell me my character is difficult and wonder how anyone will fit me??#anyways time isn't real and i think i'm a little baby#this week is so long jfc
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I. Hate. Looking. For. Men's. Fashion. References. Give. Me. The. Full. Fucking. Outfits. You. Papparazi. Cowards.
#ramblings#school stuff#literally the only thing paparazzi are good for#getting me easily accesible street fashion references#and they're not even that good at that#i could say so many foul words about celebrity bullshit#but i will not because i am going to work in a celebrity-bullshit heavy industry#and i like not blowing up my future job prospects with sleepiness-fuelled cynisism#but still fuck papparazzi#think i spelled that three different ways and didn't get it right once
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lovebird | spencer reid x reader
Spencer's little girl sets you and her dad up.
wc: 3.3k, rating: teen
tags/warnings: 2+1, kindergarten teacher!reader, single girldad!spencer, fluff, meet-cute, implied sex, use of "Y/N" because this fic would've been impossible to write without it oops
a/n: not sure what possessed me to write this, but i finished writing this in about 2 days lmao. girldad!spencer loml. thank you to my lovely friends over on twitter who fuelled my insanity. for this fic i have season 10 spencer in mind/later seasons spencer who's just full on daddy at that point <3 (also crossposted on ao3!)
Sunday
You’re at the grocery store in a ratty t-shirt and sweats, picking out fucking cereal when you hear the pitter-patter of footsteps running towards you, and a sweet, high-pitched voice calling your name.
It’s one of your students, Ellie Reid, holding a box of cereal that’s half her height, and she comes up to you in the aisle.
“Ellie? What are you doing here?” You ask sweetly, pushing your hair out of your face before you squat down to meet Ellie’s height.
“My daddy wanted to get groceries. He said we would go together. But he had to pick up the phone, and I wanted to help look for the things Daddy needs.”
Her dad, Dr. Spencer Reid, is an FBI agent and a single dad to Ellie. He’s one of the best parents you’ve had this year – the fancy kindergarten you teach at lends itself to spoiled brats and uptight parents, but Dr. Reid and Ellie are a welcome reprieve in a usually stuffy environment. You’re pleased to see her here, on a weekend, but less pleased with the fact that she’s alone.
“Oh, wow! You’re so helpful, Ellie,” you say, holding her arm gently. “I’m sure your dad is really thankful. But you shouldn’t have walked off alone. I’m glad you found me.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s not safe for you to walk around alone in the grocery store, Ellie,” you smile. “Let’s go find your dad.”
Ellie nods, her cheeks ruddy and when you hold out your hand for her to hold, Ellie’s little hand wraps around two of your fingers. “Did you come to the grocery store alone? It’s not safe.”
“I did come alone. But I’m an adult, so it’s okay. You’re little, Ellie, so you should only walk around with your dad.” You lead Ellie down aisle after aisle, walking past canned food and bags of chips and walls lined with bottles of drinks.
“But you shouldn’t walk around alone if it’s dangerous. When we find my daddy maybe he can protect you too!” Ellie says confidently.
When did this grocery store feel so big? You can’t find Dr. Reid anywhere, and you feel a rising panic in your chest. You have half a mind to pull up the school’s contact information in your phone, but you hear Dr. Reid’s voice calling his daughter’s name, and both you and Ellie turn around.
“Daddy!” Ellie shrieks, almost dropping the box of cereal in her arms as she dashes toward her father. She almost trips as she closes the distance, thankfully landing in her father’s arms before she does fall.
Dr. Reid scoops her up, holding her tightly. “You had me worried, sweetheart.”
“Sorry, Daddy,” Ellie mumbles against her father’s shoulder. “But I found Miss Y/N and she helped me find you!”
“I told her not to run off alone in the future,” you say. “Right, Ellie?”
The sweet girl nods. She giggles into Dr. Reid’s shoulder, and his hand comes up to pat her back, a soothing gesture.
“I’m glad it was you she bumped into,” Dr. Reid says, sighing with relief. “I wouldn’t know I would do with myself if–”
“It’s okay, Dr. Reid,” you assure him. “It’s not a problem at all. You’re– You’re doing a great job with her.”
“Thank you for saying that. I– I’ll see you at the parent-teacher meeting next Friday, right?”
“Yeah, next Friday.” You smile at him. “Have a good day, Dr. Reid. Bye, Ellie!”
“Bye!” Ellie, sweet girl, waves excitedly, her gummy smile overtaking her face. Dr. Reid walks toward the checkout, holding Ellie with one hand and pushing his shopping cart with the other.
You feel how warm your cheeks are when Dr. Reid and Ellie are finally out of sight, your hand clammy around the handle of your shopping basket. You slap your cheek lightly, willing yourself to pull yourself together.
The way your heart flutters whenever you see Dr. Reid is a cause for concern, and you wonder if you should see a doctor about it.
Dr. Spencer Reid is a marvel. He’s admirable, juggling his job at the FBI with raising a little girl all on his own, and he’s both a great profiler and a great dad. He’s incredibly sweet with Ellie and incredibly kind to you, which you unfortunately don’t get a lot, especially with the kinds of parents you deal with. It doesn’t help that he’s incredibly handsome: his hair is slightly long, wavy and messy in a way that frames his face just right, not to mention the stubble that makes him look that much hotter.
Your little crush on Dr. Reid is certainly inappropriate, but over the parent-teacher meetings and interacting with him when he drops off and picks up his daughter from school, you can’t help yourself from falling for him.
Tuesday
Ellie Reid is a smart girl, that you know, but you're blindsided by her genius one day at recess. You’re monitoring all the kids at the playground when Ellie comes up to you. She has a contorted look on her face but she says, “Miss Y/N, I fell.”
“You did? Are you feeling okay?” You ask, squatting down to match her height. You look at her knees – not a speck of dirt nor a red spot from falling down.
“My knee hurts. Can you call my daddy?”
“Does it hurt badly? I’ll take you to see the nurse if it does,” you say, not entirely understanding the situation. You’ve never met a four-year-old who wouldn’t be in tears over tripping and falling, even if the injury wasn’t severe.
The look on Ellie’s face makes you think that she’s trying to match your expectations of what she should be feeling. “It doesn't hurt bad. I just want my daddy to come pick me up. Can you call him?”
You try not to furrow your brow at the strange request. You’re usually trusted to handle any little accidents and mishaps with the children, but at Ellie’s insistence of calling her father, you feel like you should.
(It’s certainly not spurred on by seeing him at the grocery store last weekend.)
“Alright, Ellie. I’ll call your dad and see what he says, okay?”
“Okay, Miss Y/N,” Ellie says, smiling at you. You get her to sit down on the bench next to you and your co-teacher to oversee the kids before fish your phone out from your pocket to dial Dr. Reid’s number. As you wait for the call to go through, Ellie looks at you with wide, expectant eyes. You smile at her.
On the third ring, Dr. Reid picks up. “Hello?”
“Hi, Dr. Reid. This is Miss Y/N from Ellie’s school. I’m calling to inform you that Ellie fell on the playground during recess.”
“Oh, my. Is she alright?” You hear Dr. Reid’s voice grow concerned. Ellie looks up at you, and you look the little girl up and down one more time just to be sure.
“Yes, she is. I checked and she doesn’t have any scrapes or bruises. She says her knee hurts, but that she’s also fine. Usually, we don’t call parents over small mishaps like this, but Ellie insisted that I call you.”
“I see,” Dr. Reid hums, his tone indecipherable. “Can I talk to her?”
“Sure thing, Dr. Reid,” you say. You hold the phone out to Ellie as you put the call on speakerphone and tell her, “Your dad wants to speak to you, Ellie.”
Ellie is polite, but clearly excited as she yells, “Hi, Daddy!”
“Woah! Hi, Ellie,” Dr. Reid laughs, his serious tone while he was speaking to you gone, talking to his daughter with a delightful whimsy. “Miss Y/N told me you fell on the playground today. Does it hurt?”
“No,” Ellie answers, but she looks up quickly at you. “I mean, yes. Just a little. It doesn’t hurt too bad anymore.”
You hide your smile, and you think you can hear the smile in Dr. Reid’s voice as he says, “Okay, sweet girl, that’s good.”
“Can you come and pick me up right now, Daddy?” Ellie asks, a little whiny. It’s adorable, though.
“Well, it’s only ten in the morning, honey,” Dr. Reid bargains. “And I know you have art class later, right? Don’t you want to stay around for that?”
“I do!” Ellie says eagerly. “Oh, I love art class!”
“I know you do, honey,” Dr. Reid assures. “So, do you feel okay enough to stick around in class until Daddy comes to pick you up at the end of the day?”
“Yes, Daddy,” Ellie nods, even though Dr. Reid can’t see her. “But you have to come pick me up!”
“I always do, Ellie,” Dr. Reid laughs, making Ellie laugh along too. “Okay, honey. Go on and play with your friends. I’ll see you later.”
“Okay! Bye, Daddy! I love you!”
“Bye! I love you too, Ellie!” Dr. Reid matches Ellie’s excitable energy, and Ellie giggles before she runs off to play again. His voice returns to a calm but engaged sort of energy. “Well, that was something.”
“She seems fine,” you say, switching the speakerphone off as you hold your phone back up to your ear. “I’m sorry to bother you in the middle of your work day, Dr. Reid.”
“Oh, please, it’s not a bother at all,” Dr. Reid laughs gently. “I love talking to Ellie. She might miss me or something, if she had to fake a fall so you would call me.”
“Perhaps,” you say, slightly surprised that Dr. Reid would be so quick to call out his daughter’s bluff. Some of the other parents would rip your throat out if you even insinuated their child was in the wrong. “I’ll still keep an eye out for her.”
“Thanks, Miss Y/N,” Dr. Reid insists. “Besides, it’s always a pleasure getting a call from you.”
You don’t remember if you thank him before he hangs up, because all you can think about is Dr. Reid saying he enjoys talking to you.
After putting your phone away, you press your hands to your warm cheeks in an effort to calm yourself and your beating heart down.
Dr. Reid is one of the last parents to come by during pickup. It’s a somewhat regular occurrence, with Dr. Reid’s busy and hectic job. You are never bothered by spending extra time with Ellie, and you know Dr. Reid always tries his best to pick Ellie up as soon as he can. He usually makes regular pickup so you never get to exchange more than a few words with him, but days like today aren’t necessarily rare either. But considering your interaction on Sunday, you’re secretly pleased with how it’s worked out.
Only you and Ellie are left in the classroom, you having told your co-teacher to clock out first. You’re pleasantly surprised when there’s a knock on the door frame, Dr. Reid standing there in a cardigan and a button-up shirt with his dress pants. “Ellie!”
His hair is somehow more fluffy and messy than you’d seen him at the grocery store, but it just makes him look even more soft and domestic. You try not to look at Dr. Reid with hearts in your eyes as Ellie shrieks and runs towards him, Dr. Reid picking her up easily and swinging her around before he holds her tight. “Hi, sweet girl.”
“Daddy!” Ellie giggles. “I missed you today.”
“I missed you too, honey,” Dr. Reid coos, pressing a kiss to the top of Ellie’s head. Your insides melt, gooey at the tooth-rottingly sweet display in front of you. “Were you a good girl for Miss Y/N today?”
“Uh-huh!” Ellie nods, her gummy smile absolutely adorable.
“She was a pleasure,” you add. “Hello, Dr. Reid.”
“Hello again.” Dr. Reid smiles. “It’s nice to see you. Are you doing well?”
“Yes, I am. Other than Ellie’s little incident, today was thankfully uneventful. Thank you for asking.”
Dr. Reid’s face scrunches up in an extremely endearing way, like it’s obvious that he’d want to know about… you. “Of course. I like to know you’re doing well. It’s great to hear.”
You feel like you don’t know what to say to that, perhaps a little too caught up in your little crush on him to come up with a coherent response. You laugh shyly, tucking your hair behind your ear. Dr. Reid has set Ellie down, and she wanders around the classroom, fidgeting with the pencils on the tables, but doesn’t stray too far from her dad. “Ellie seems to be fine from earlier, but you might want to check in with her again.”
“I will,” Dr. Reid says, nodding. “Oh! I almost forgot–”
You look on as Dr. Reid fumbles in his satchel, pulling a crumpled paper bag out. The paper bag looks bulky, oil stains seeped through on the sides and on the bottom. “Oh, it looks bad. It’s good, I promise– It’s a chocolate muffin from this really good bakery near my office. I just thought I’d get you one. Since you’re so helpful with Ellie. Especially today.”
Dr. Reid holds it out for you, and you scramble to step forward and take it. “Thank you, Dr. Reid, you- You didn’t have to. It’s my job to look after Ellie, after all. Not that it’s a burden, or just a job, I mean– Ellie’s great. She’s one of our brightest, but don’t tell any of the other parents that.”
Dr. Reid smiles so bright you feel like you could feel the warmth radiating from him. “I won’t, if I bump into any of them at the parent-teacher meeting.”
You bite your lip, smiling, shy at the attention Dr. Reid gives you. You think he’s flirting(?) with you, but you try to remain professional. You clear your throat. “Thank you, Dr. Reid.”
“Thank you again, Miss Y/N. I mean it.” Dr. Reid asserts, and you feel your cheeks flush. “Tonight is pizza night, so Ellie and I should be making our way home right about now.”
“Pizza!” Ellie yells, giddy, causing both you and Dr. Reid to laugh. She zooms past you to stand next to her dad.
“Thank you, Dr. Reid. I’ll see you proper on Friday,” you say, nodding your head slightly. “And I’ll see you, Ellie, tomorrow, yeah?”
“Bye, Miss Y/N!” Ellie waves frantically. Dr. Reid joins her in her waving, equally silly.
“I look forward to seeing you then, Miss Y/N,” Dr. Reid smiles. “Bye.”
“Bye!” you reply, trying not to sound too eager, and then Dr. Reid ducks out of the classroom with Ellie in hand. You feel like you’re swooning so hard you might faint.
Friday
Parent-teacher meetings go smoothly, thankfully. There are parents who only bother to hear the praise you give their children, so ignorant to the criticisms of their children that you try not to make too obvious. After seeing nineteen sets of parents, Dr. Spencer Reid is your last of the day. You don’t want to say you’ve been waiting for this all day, but checking off the nineteen sets of parents before this has only made you more and more excited.
Dr. Reid finally enters the classroom, two minutes early for his slot, but he’s alone.
“Where’s Ellie? She’s totally allowed to sit in for these meetings too.”
“She’s at my boss’ place for a playdate with his son,” Dr. Reid says. “Actually, that sounds pretty weird, doesn’t it? My daughter, having a playdate with my boss’ son?”
“Not at all. They say it takes a village to raise a child. I’m glad your colleagues are so helpful with Ellie.”
“They really are,” Dr. Reid asserts, smiling. “Hotch– My boss, I mean– offered, knowing I had this meeting.”
“That’s really nice of him,” you nod. “So, about Ellie…”
“Please tell me you only have good things to say,” Dr. Reid jokes, and you try very hard not to swoon.
“Essentially, yes,” you nod. “Ellie is such a bright girl, and she’s so sweet. She’s always helpful with her classmates and polite to everyone and the teachers too. Again, don’t tell this to the other parents, but Ellie’s set high standards for the rest of the class.”
“You’re telling me an awful lot that I shouldn’t be telling the other parents,” Dr. Reid grins. “You sure you aren’t playing favourites?”
“You certainly are my favourite,” you say before you can catch yourself, and Dr. Reid looks at you with wide eyes. You imagine you look equally shocked. “I’m sorry, Dr. Reid, I didn't mean to say that.”
Dr. Reid cocks his head, a little smile toying on his lips. “Miss Y/N, did I ever tell you what I do for the FBI?”
You have no idea how this relates to how unprofessional and inappropriate you are being. You shake your head anyway, too afraid to say anything anymore before you say something even more embarrassing.
“I’m a profiler, Miss Y/N. I use psychology and study behaviour to catch serial killers,” Dr. Reid explains, using his hands to articulate his point. Your eyes dart down to the motion; but your gaze quickly flits back up to his face. “In general, I’m good at reading people.”
“Is that so?” You gulp. Is he able to read you?
“I don’t mean to profile you, Miss Y/N, I mean it,” Dr. Reid sounds a little apologetic. “But I can’t help but notice the way you lean toward me when we’re speaking, the way you fidget with your hands a little, the way you can almost meet my eyes, but you still seem a little bashful about it. I either intimidate you, or…”
“Or..?”
“I’m sorry if this is too forward, but would you like to get dinner with me?”
“What?” You ask, disbelieving. “Dinner?”
“You- You’re interested in me too, aren’t you?”
“Too?” You gape, sounding like a parrot as you repeat his words, simply unable to wrap your head around the fact that Ellie Reid’s young, hot, genius father just asked you on a date.
“I’m usually not too doubtful of my profiling skills, but beautiful women like you make me second-guess if I’m reading this right.” Dr. Reid laughs, avoiding looking at you.
“Dr. Reid, I would love to get dinner with you,” You say, trying to sound confident.
Dr. Reid beams as he meets your eyes. “Oh, thank God.”
“Cheesy that you’re calling me beautiful,” you laugh bashfully, waving him off.
“I mean it!” Dr. Reid insists. “And, um– Would you want to do dinner after this? If you don’t have any other meetings, of course. Or any other plans– you’d probably have plans on a Friday night, right? Way to be presumptuous–”
“Dr. Reid! I don’t have plans tonight. A dinner date sounds great,” you laugh.
“Great! Great, good. I’m glad.” Dr. Reid says, looking a little giddy that you’d taken him up on it. “Also, um- I love when people call me Dr. Reid, but please just call me Spencer. Do you think people would get the wrong idea if you called me Dr. the whole time?”
You cackle, Spencer looking thoroughly pleased at making you laugh.
“Okay, Spencer,” you try his first name, and it rolls off your tongue with ease. “Let me pack up and then we can go get dinner.”
“I like when you say my name,” Spencer smiles. “What’re you feeling for dinner?”
If you and Spencer kiss at the end of your dinner date in front of your apartment door, that’s between you and him.
You pulling Spencer into your apartment with your hands fisted in his hair should also stay between you and him.
It doesn’t entirely stay between you and him, though, as Spencer calls his boss to turn Ellie’s playdate into a sleepover before he rolls over to kiss you and take you all over again.
#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid fanfiction#spencerreidenjoyer writes#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid x fem reader#spencer reid x fem!reader
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୨୧﹕ mustang .ᐟ part one
pairing ; au!nicholas chavez x fem!reader contains ; 80s alternate universe , slight smut ( makeout , undressing ) , enemies to lovers , getting caught. a/n ; this is based off of the aesthetic and time period of the ‘monsters’ show, but it is NOT based off of the menendez brothers. it is also based on ‘challengers’, specifically the tennis scenes. nicholas is a rich kid in the 1980s in this fic. summary ; after a competitive tennis match between y/n and nicholas, they decide to let their anger out in another way.
A TIE BREAKER is the last thing y/n needed for this match, and she could tell nicholas was furious too, swaying from side to side with his eyebrows furrowed, sweat dripping down his forehead slowly after a long game. it didn’t help that it was in the middle of a heatwave, and y/n’s legs had rubbed together so much that a chafing rash had began to form on her inner thighs. with every movement there was a burning sensation, but at this point she didn’t care — she wanted to make a point to nicholas, that she was better than him. she wanted to humble this rich boy so much, that looking at her in public would anger him.
so, pushing through the pain, y/n got into position and held the tennis ball against her racket, before looking nicholas in the eyes, unafraid of his intense gaze. and without a second thought, she threw the ball up into the air and hit it towards him.
with every grunt and hit of the ball from nicholas, y/n’s heartbeat raced. his muscles glistened in the sunlight as sweat drenched them. it was attractive, sure, but he wasn’t attractive. y/n could never imagine being attracted to him. the spoiled momma’s boy? no fucking way. it only fuelled her need to succeed, to show him who’s boss. so, as soon as she saw the chance, y/n hit the ball as hard as she could to the other side of the net, and without fail the ball bounced just before the baseline before bouncing once again out of the court.
nicholas just watched as he lost — he knew it would’ve been impossible to save himself from that.
as y/n and half of the audience cheered, nick agitatedly rubbed his temples with his left hand, trying to compose himself. this was until he shouted a loud “FUCK!” as he threw his racket on the ground.
y/n laughed at his outburst as they both walked up to the net, “is someone mad?”.
nicholas didn’t answer, putting his hand out for a short handshake. but, instead of letting go, he grabbed y/n’s hand tighter and pulled her in slightly, his eyes locked on hers. nick muttered under his breath, loud enough for only her to hear, “you’re fucking dead to me”, before pushing her hand away and walking off.
y/n furrowed her eyebrows. for some reason she felt hurt? it’s not that she liked him, or wanted him to like her. but that was just… mean.
after packing her things and thanking people for congratulating her, y/n began to leave the small stadium with her tennis bag slung over her shoulder. she walked into the parking lot, making her way towards her car and shoving her bag into the trunk before spotting another car — and she knew exactly who’s it was. the red 1965 ford mustang parked next to the lamppost, two rows from her car was obviously nicholas’.
y/n furrowed her eyebrows. wondering why he was still here, she decided to walk towards the car.
it seemed like nicholas didn’t realise she was walking up to his driver’s side window since he was looking down, eyes closed as he rubbed his temples in annoyance. the girl stood there for a while, pondering on how to get his attention before clearing her throat.
nicholas flinched before looking up at the girl who just beat him, her face in an awkward expression, “so..”
“no” he cut her off immediately, “fuck off”
y/n was taken aback by his rude remark before responding, “okay, no. stop acting like a fucking child”
“being annoyed about losing is acting like a child?” nick scoffed, opening his car door.
the girl moved to the side so he could get out, her arms folding as she leaned against the expensive car, “yeah, it is”
after he got out of the car, he crossed his arms, mimicking her. she had to look up to him now, as he towered over her with an annoyed smirk on his face, “it’s not my fault you’re a bitch”
“it’s not my fault you’re a sore loser” she retaliates, causing him to take a few small steps closer to her. y/n had to look even further up at him, actually seeing his face now as he blocked the sun with his head. the smell of his cologne mixed with sweat filled her lungs, which was strangely attractive to her.
nicholas spoke in a much softer, yet condescending tone than before, “sore loser, huh?”
“sore.” y/n got in his face, “loser.”
the two sat in the tension for a minute, just inches away from each other’s faces. nicholas inhaled her exhale, and she did the same with him. their eyebrows remained furrowed as they looked into each other’s eyes, filled with hate. you couldn’t tell if he was about to punch her, or kiss her.
that was until the tension broke as they both rushed to smack their lips together in a sloppy yet passionate kiss. nicholas wrapped his arms around y/n’s waist, roughly grasping her, as she moved her hands to his neck — one hand ran through his hair as the other dug her nails into his neck, causing him to let out a grunt, kissing her even rougher.
nicholas removed one of his hands from her body, reaching behind her for the door handle and opening the car door. they both swiftly got into the backseat of the car and slammed the door shut behind them, never breaking the kiss.
he then started placing sloppy kisses along her cheek and down her neck, letting y/n catch her breath as she reached for his biceps. she grabbed his muscles, getting flashbacks from when she observed them on the court.
abruptly, nick moved his hands from her waist to her thighs and pulled her in closer, placing himself in between her legs, causing y/n to let out a gasp. nicholas looked up at her, giving a playful smile which she returned before sharing another rough passionate kiss.
as he moved his hand up her tennis skirt, he lightly grazed his fingertips along her upper thighs. y/n’s body shivered at his touch before a sudden, loud knock on the window interrupted them both.
ah shit.
part i | part ii
#nicholas chavez x reader#nicholas chavez x y/n#nicholas chavez fanfiction#nicholas alexander chavez#nicholas chavez#fanfiction#fanfic#777#݁₊ ⊹ ݁˖ ⋆ strcwbrryklss
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