#it's the first word she's spoken since the scene in Australia

[acquariusgb]

9/11 Bill POV

While Hillary was in Washington and Chelsea in New York, Bill was in Australia. Here's an extract from Man of the World by Joe Conason, describing the events from that day.

In Clinton’s suite at the Sheraton Mirage, a luxurious hotel surrounded by palm trees, he turned on the television to see the nightmarish images that would soon become a historic symbol of horror for Americans. Across the bottom of the screen, a crawling ticker listed the names of passengers on the four flights hijacked by the al Qaeda terrorist teams. Suddenly, Clinton saw the name of a friend, someone who had worked with him for years, a man with a family of his own. “Oh my God,” he breathed.

He knew Chelsea was in New York City, visiting a friend before her scheduled departure for England. Now he had to find out exactly where she was and who was with her, but nobody had been able to find her yet. When Hillary finally got through to his room, she pretended to know already that their daughter was safe, hoping to calm him—even though she felt inwardly frantic as her Senate staff continued to try to locate their daughter.

By her own account, Chelsea had been watching television at her friend’s apartment in Union Square when the second plane hit, and quickly tried to call her mother in Washington—but as she spoke with an aide in Hillary’s office, overburdened phone lines went dead. In a panic, she left the apartment and headed downtown, searching desperately for a pay phone to reach Hillary’s Senate office again. She was standing in line at a pay phone, about twelve blocks from the disaster scene, when she heard the deafening roar of the second tower collapsing. She headed back toward Union Square, eventually found her friend, and they walked uptown, like thousands of other New Yorkers. When she found a working phone and reached Hillary, her mother burst into tears of relief.

At Clinton’s office in Harlem, Karen Tramontano and members of the foundation staff were meeting in a conference room with a panoramic southward view when they saw the first plane. Someone came running into the room and suddenly they were watching the catastrophe on television. Tramontano picked up a phone immediately, trying to reach Band in Australia.

With all flights into the United States canceled, the Clinton entourage was stranded in Australia. After talking with Band, Tramontano placed a call to Condoleezza Rice to ask for help. After some wrangling that involved more calls from Band to the Secret Service and to Transportation Secretary Norman Mineta, the Pentagon dispatched a military aircraft to pick them up at Cairns Airport in Port Douglas. “It won’t be very comfortable,” Rice warned, “but it’s the only plane we have available out there right away.”

It wasn’t comfortable at all aboard the C-130 cargo plane and the trip took almost twenty-four hours. There were no seats, there was no food, and at thirty thousand feet, the interior of the plane was cold—very, very cold. They stopped in Guam and switched to a refueling plane, which was no better. Band had tried to scrounge some sweaters and other warm clothing at the hotel, but they were all bone-chilled, starved, and exhausted when the plane finally landed at Stewart Airport, a New York National Guard airbase about fifty miles north of Chappaqua. Almost immediately they departed for Manhattan, where they headed to Union Square.

Despite their ordeal, Clinton was grateful to have gotten home, unlike thousands of Americans left overseas with no way to return until the airports reopened. Among them was Al Gore, who had been in Vienna when the terrorists struck, giving a speech to an Austrian Internet forum.

Evidently the Bush White House was not prepared to provide military transportation for the former vice president, who could find no way to get back except via Gander Airport, a tiny facility in Newfoundland. From there, he and an aide would have to drive southward across the Canadian border.

While seeking help with their predicament, a former Gore aide—who had also worked in the Clinton White House—called the Harlem office. Gore and Clinton had exchanged messages within the first hours after the terrorist attack, but had not spoken yet. Distant as relations between their bosses had become, the staffers remained friendly. When Gore’s aide reached Tramontano, they talked casually about “the crap that’s gone on for far too long” between Gore and Clinton—who literally had not spoken since a bitter two-hour argument about who was to blame for the disastrous outcome of the 2000 election. She suggested that on the long drive down from the Canadian border, Gore might stop in Chappaqua. When Tramontano reached Clinton to discuss the proposed sleepover, she wasn’t surprised by his enthusiasm. That evening around 8 p.m., the former vice president picked up his cell phone to speak with the former president for the first time in many months.

“Why don’t you come down here, and then we’ll fly down together Friday morning?” Clinton asked. An Air Force jet provided by the White House would take them to the capital for the special memorial service on September 14 at the National Cathedral.

Hours after midnight, driving a rented car, Gore arrived at the five-bedroom colonial on Old House Lane. Clinton was waiting for them in the living room, where he had been napping on and off, and got up to greet Gore.

As he climbed the steps to the front porch, the former vice president noticed a refrigerator, sitting where it had been moved while the kitchen was undergoing renovation—a tableau that struck him as more hillbilly Ozarks than chic Westchester. Eyeing the fridge, he cracked, one Southerner to another: “Well, you’ve really come a long way, haven’t you?” At the door, Clinton roared with laughter.

They stayed up almost until dawn, talking mostly about the 9/11 attacks, their own efforts to deal with terrorism, and the murky times ahead. Chelsea met them in the morning at Westchester Airport to fly to Washington. On the flight down, Gore invited the Clintons to join his family after the memorial service for lunch at his home in Arlington, Virginia.

At the cathedral, a century-old Gothic Revival structure on the northern outskirts of the capital, Clinton sat in a front pew alongside President Bush and the other living former presidents, Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, and George H. W. Bush. He listened as the president delivered words of compassion for the bereaved and a warning to the enemy. He was speaking out forcefully in support of Bush at every opportunity, starting with his departure from Australia. He had canceled all of his speaking engagements abroad to remain in Manhattan, spending hours at local vigils and especially at the Armory on Park Avenue, where he tried to comfort families whose loved ones were missing and presumed dead.

“They cheered, they wept, they hugged him,” wrote a reporter for London’s Daily Mirror. “All around him, New Yorkers gathered, some to pass on their thanks that he had rushed to their side, others to grab his hand and use him as an emotional crutch. . . . All felt lifted to be in the presence of the man they had looked to for most of the past decade when their country was in its hour of need.”

The Mirror correspondent was not alone in contrasting Clinton’s instinctive leadership with the unsteadiness displayed by his successor in the early hours following the attack, although Bush soon righted himself and took command. America and the world had turned a page, moving beyond the petty controversies that had almost consumed Clinton in the days after he left office. Gaunt, somber, and worried, he and his fellow Americans now found themselves in a very different world.

Not everyone was willing to leave old habits behind, however, especially among Clinton’s most rigid detractors on the right. Even as Bush and congressional leaders prayed for the nation to unite, the habitual haters simply could not resist a fresh opportunity to target him. Nothing mattered more than proving (or at least asserting) that the terrorist attacks of September 11 should be blamed not on the current president, but the one who preceded him. Before long a writer for National Review warned, only half-jokingly: “If we members of the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy don’t get back to our daily routine of obsessive Clinton-bashing, then the terrorists will have won.”

[holyhellpod]

Heyoooo, it’s another episode of Holy Hell! This one is dedicated to the manchild himself, Dean Winchester. 

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Transcript below!

CW: discussions of child abuse, child death, suicide, alcoholism, family trauma, mental health

[Music]

Dean Winchester is, in a word, my soulmate. I started kinning him when the show aired in Australia on Fox8 and I have not been the same since. From his devil-may-care attitude to his undying love for his family that pierces the veil of death to save the day, he really is the most. I have to say at the beginning that this episode of Holy Hell will not include discussions of Dean’s sexuality and gender. I’m saving that for its own episode, so stay tuned my pals.

What we know of Dean as he develops over the course of the first episode is: he’s been hunting, and hunting alone, he’s 26 years old, he drives a sweet ‘67 Impala, he wears an old leather jacket, he listens to 1980s metal, and he has an arsenal of weapons and supernatural fighting talismans in his trunk. He’s also a smartarse, one of his most endearing qualities. He gets defensive about their mother and her death, and he defends their father over and over. He’s a loyal son and brother. The impetus to bring Sam back into the hunting life, after Sam decided for good that he was going to leave, is to bring his fambily back together.

The quality that defines Dean Winchester is how much he loves he loves his fambily. In the first episode, he is so worried about his father that he recruits Sam to help look for him, even though Sam and Dean haven’t spoken in two years, and Sam ran away to college rather than continue to live with their father.  He spends most of the first season defending their father, but when John comes back and starts arguing with Sam, Dean protects his brother from John. It’s one of the most significant examples of character growth Dean undergoes throughout the entire series, and it’s where his loyalty shifts from John to Sam.

In the episode of season 2, “Croatoan,” Dean decides not to shoot Sam when Sam contracts the Croatoan virus which turns people rabid and makes them kill. In the next episode, “Hunted”, Dean reveals that John told him to kill Sam if Dean couldn’t save him. But Dean doesn’t. He says that John begged Dean not to tell Sam, but it’s not John’s words that keep Dean silent. It’s his love for Sam and Sam’s wellbeing. And this brotherly love slash codependency is used by characters throughout the entire series, from the demons in season 1 to the literal character of God in season 15, to manipulate Dean and Sam. As many characters have pointed out, including Dean and Sam themselves, they are each other’s weak points.  

At the end of season two, when Sam dies from a stab wound in his spine, Dean trades his own life for Sam’s. He makes a deal with a crossroads demon—his soul for Sam’s life—and subsequently dies and goes to hell at the end of season 3. Dean literally dies a gruesome death and spends forty years being tortured in hell because he couldn’t live without Sam. At the end of Season 8, Sam is dying from the effects of the trials, which he undergoes in order to close the gates of hell, and Dean convinces him to stop because, again, he can’t live without Sam. Sidenote: this is where I stopped being interested in their brotherly dynamic to the point of losing interest in the show. It became clear to me that the showrunners were more concerned with rehashing the same tired storylines between Sam and Dean than focus on characters who could expand the world and make the show better. In fact, they killed a lot of the interesting side characters in order to keep the show solely focused on the brothers. The exception to this is Castiel, and the reason they kept Cas around is because when he died in season 7 the ratings tanked. If that wasn’t a clear enough sign that the showrunners needed to open up the show to more than just Sam and Dean’s caustic dynamic in which they die and kill for and then betray and lie to each other over and over, then I just don’t know what the fans could have done to convince them. Nothing, apparently, because they ended the show with just Sam and Dean.

Dean’s relationship with John is fraught with insecurity and codependency. Dean has so little sense of self that what he does consider to be his carefully curated list of likes and dislikes were inherited directly from John: his car, his leather jacket, his hunting abilities, and his music taste. He also throws himself into hunts without any regard for his own safety, because he doesn’t believe that he is worth saving, or that his life is worth living. His personality is crafted from both John’s reliance on him as a son, hunter and partner in crime, and the woman he assumes Mary to be. Dean’s sense of self-worth relies on how many people he can save. This is why, in season 2 episode “What is and what should never be,” Dean’s dream reality is one in which he’s a low life loser who disappoints his family—because without John pushing him to be a hunter, Dean doesn’t save people, and because he doesn’t save people, he isn’t worth anything. Bear in mind that this is the best reality Dean’s mind could conjure for him: one in which his father is dead, and he himself is not worth saving.

In one of the most famous exchanges, he asks Cas why an angel would rescue him from hell, and Cas replies, “What’s the matter? You don’t think you deserve to be saved.” Twenty-nine years of bluster, insouciance, and a give-em-hell attitude crumbles in two sentences, wrought by a being Dean refuses to believe exists because, again, he doesn’t think that he deserves to be saved by them. He says, “[Why me? I don’t like getting singled out at birthday parties, let alone by God].” He thinks of himself so lowly that he accepted a one-year deal in exchange for Sam being alive. Dean cares so much about his family he lets it kill him.

But it’s not just Sam, Mary and John. Dean’s family grows to encompass a number of side characters: most notably Bobby their surrogate father, Charlie Bradbury the hacker, Claire Novak, Jack Kline, and Lisa and Ben Braeden. Even Mary makes another appearance in seasons 12 to 14. Unfortunately, because the show is the way it is, Dean puts Sam above all of these side characters, and then these characters are written out of the show. I should specify that Cas is not a side character; in most seasons, Misha Collins is billed as a main cast member, with his name appearing after Jensen Ackles in the credits. But he still dies in the third-last episode in order to have the show stay about the brothers. Even Jack, inarguably Cas and Dean’s son, is written out of the show in the second-last episode after dying multiple times. I say inarguably because I am not gonna argue with anyone about this. Claire and Jack are Dean and Cas’s kids. Dean and Cas are great parents who chaperone Jack’s prom and buy Claire her first hunting bow. They’re all one big happy, queer, neurodivergent family.

Dean loves the people in his life with reckless abandon. The times he’s excused Cas’s behaviour after Cas has done something ridiculous or foolish are too many to count. He grieves Cas’s multiple deaths, often succumbing to his alcoholism and entropy whenever Cas leaves him for more than a day. In a truly beautiful scene, Dean wraps Cas’s corpse in a curtain and watches, utterly and completely devastated, as his body burns. By this point, they have done so much for each other that it’s impossible to even envision the show without Cas, and indeed imagine Dean without his love for Cas. And we don’t have to for very long, as he always comes back a few episodes later. Even knowing this, the episodes where Dean mourns Cas are so heartbreaking and haunting that I cried for days after watching them.

Dean is great with kids, and every time he’s not is completely the fault of whoever is writing him in any given episode. We see him bonding with Lisa’s son Ben in season 3 and 6, Jesse in the season 5 episode “I Believe The Children Are Our Future,” and Lucas in the season one episode “Dead in the water”. With every child he meets, Dean gets on their level, empathising with them in a way most adults can’t. Like Claire and Jack, Dean has a complicated relationship with his father, who dies in the beginning of season 2 after bargaining his soul for Dean’s life to the demon that took their mother. Just like anyone else’s life, right? Must be Tuesday. This means Dean can relate to most children with traumatic backgrounds involving their parents, as a victim of parental abuse and having his mother die at age 4. I can’t find any sources to back this up, but a theory that rolled around in fandom was that Dean became mute after Mary died, which is what happens to Lucas after his father drowns. He says in “Dead In the Water” that he loves kids, and it’s true. As one tumblr user put it, Dean wanted to be baby trapped.

Dean carries the deaths and pain of his loved ones with him like Atlas carrying the world on his shoulders. When Claire is bitten by a werewolf, the characters administer blood of the sire wolf that bit her in order to cure her of her lycanthropy. Dean has to leave the room while she’s in pain, because he can’t bear to watch her die. The same goes for when Jack dies. Thankfully, Claire lives and Jack comes back a few episodes later.

When thinking about Dean being a father, I’m reminded of that scene from Scrubs when Dr Cox says he’s worried about being a father because his own dad was an abusive alcoholic. The difference between Dr Cox and Dean is that Dean doesn’t have his reservations about raising kids. He fits into Lisa and Ben’s life easily, at least for the first year, and we see a montage which includes him teaching Ben how to fix cars. When Claire lets her guard down enough to hug Dean, he hugs back just as hard. When he finally deals with the trauma of Cas dying in season 13, he accepts Jack into his life, and even grieves Jack when he dies. Dean escapes the intergenerational trauma that plagues his family by being a fantastic dad to the random kids who happen into his life by chance. He was born to be a father, and the fact that this show took that away from him and us as the audience makes me want to kick the showrunners into the sun.

Until season 6, Dean’s family only included men. The concept of the nuclear family—two sons, a husband and a wife—was ripped apart in the prologue of the first episode when Mary dies. Dean doesn’t know family for the first 5 seasons of the show outside Sam, John, Cas and Bobby. I do consider Ellen and Jo to be important to the story, but they’re only in a handful of episodes and die in season 5 for a reason that is plainly ridiculous. Did the Winchesters have to lose every single person in their lives to the fight? Clearly Kripke thought they were going to be cancelled after the fifth season, because it shows. And honestly? Maybe they should have. Let’s retroactively cancel the whole show. It can’t hold power over us anymore, because it’s dead and we cremated it.

But when Dean moves in with Lisa and Ben, he discovers a new type of family he didn’t have before, and new family dynamics. Instead of the 28-year-old son that Sam is to him, he takes the opportunity to teach Ben about cars and spend time with him and Lisa without the need to hunt. He gets a job, he makes some friends, and he lives the safe, apple pie life he begrudged Sam for in the pilot episode. It’s only when Sam reappears in his life that Dean’s codependency strikes again and he realises that he can’t live half in the normal world with Lisa and Ben and half in the hunting world with Sam. Sam says this himself in the first episode of Season 6, “Exile On Main Street”. Despite the ways Dean tried to settle down throughout the rest of the 9 seasons, the showrunners ultimately decided a man who was healing from trauma and alcoholism, who had adopted two kids as his own, and was learning how to bake cakes for his son’s birthday, deserved to die at the ripe age of 40, a week or so after he’d learned that his best friend was in love with him. You gotta laugh. Instead of getting the ending both Dean and we deserved—which was Dean settling down, opening a bar, and living the next forty years in relative gay peace while he got fat and watched Cheers reruns—well, we got something else. And I will always be bitter about that.

While it’s clear from the first season that he has reckless and suicidal tendencies, he doesn’t stop fighting to the bitter end. Even when faced with his own impending death in the season 2 premiere, “In my time of dying,” he fights to stay alive for Sam and John, while working the mystery that is overcoming his own death. Devastated as he is by Sam diving into hell at the end of season 5 and seemingly gone for good, Dean still gets up everyday and makes a life for himself in Lisa’s home. While season 6 was overall a bummer of a season, just god-awful in every aspect, saved from my complete vitriol only by “The French Mistake,” it did show us how great a dad Dean can be, and readied us for what was to come—being Claire and Jack’s dad. The lengths he goes to for his family are immense and all-consuming. As Cas says in “Despair”, Dean is a being of love. He loves everyone else, even when he can’t find it in him to love himself. He really thinks that he’s just a killer, not a father or a husband.

I’ve never subscribed to the idea that we have to love ourselves before we can love anyone else, or before anyone else can love us. Sorry Rupaul, you old bitch. We are all deserving of love, because love sustains us and helps us grow. And when we don’t know how to, it’s through loving others that we can learn to love ourselves. If Dean knew what a great father and friend and husband and brother he is, if he could see himself the way others, in the show and out of it, see him, I think he’d burst. You don’t like getting singled out at birthday parties? Well tough shit, Dean Winchester, because I’m gonna devote an entire podcast to you.

I talked about Dean’s carefully curated list of likes and dislikes before but I’ll go into more detail now. Things he likes: guns; rock and roll; nice cars; women; fighting; scamming people at pool; back alley blowjobs, probably; pie; driving across the country; Ozzy concerts; cowboy movies; being in control of every little thing in his life. His dislikes are: flying on planes; hair metal; angels and demons; anyone who harms his brother, his best friend or his kids; boredom; and being jerked around.

Okay I literally cannot talk about the cowboy movies without mentioning that he makes Cas watch them with him, in his Deancave, and the implications of that make my head roll off my body and into the dirt. Like they literally have gay little movie nights and watch their gay little cowboy movies together and Dean says all the gay little lines. I said I wasn’t going to talk about his sexuality, but mentioning cowboy movies leads to Cas wearing a cowboy hat and saying “I’m your Huckleberry.” This makes me insane. Excuse me, I must have my daily scream.

Okay, I’ve collected myself. Have I? Let’s just move on. In the Winchester tradition of inherited family trauma, Dean gets all of John’s interests, and Sam gets all of John’s mistakes. Dean’s personality throughout the show is basically quippy remarks, pop culture references, laughing with food in his mouth, and grouchiness. In case you haven’t realised, he is amazing to me. Every time he fires a rifle or pistol? Couldn’t be better. Eating a burger made of out donuts? Fucking incredible. Even when faced with beings with untold power, he doesn’t lose his cool. One of my favourite exchanges is when Zachariah comes to Chuck’s house in the first episode of season 5, “Sympathy For The Devil,” and starts soliloquising at him, Dean tells him to “cram it with walnuts, ugly.” Cram it with walnuts, ugly. It’s been ten years and that still makes me laugh. Top ten Dean lines for sure. Like all of my main characters throughout the years of writing original fiction are just “Dean Winchester but girl,” and I’m a good writer, but I can never come close to the level of hilarity that he achieves. And every single writer on the show seems to get that. The only times I can think of where Dean’s characterisation has irked me on a writing level are in season 6—basically the entire thing—and the way he treats Jack in the later seasons, specifically late season 15. But it’s really rare for me to watch an episode and not enjoy Dean. Even throughout the Mark Of Cain era, which I loved, when things were very serious, he had such style and panache and held himself so confidently that I was like, wait maybe he made some points? Maybe he should kill everyone?

Dean is a hunter and a killer, but that’s not all he is. He’s very skilled in hand to hand combat, weaponry, and tactical manoeuvres. Even when something doesn’t go exactly to plan, he’s usually able to improvise something to end up with a win. Because he is the main character, his choices and reactions, while sometimes extremely problematic, are never questioned, and that’s to his detriment. In the last episode of season 14, “Moriah,” Dean is unable to kill Jack, but in early season 15, he treats Jack’s betrayal as Cas’s fault, because he can’t take it out on Jack. Cas leaves, but it’s framed as a good thing because Cas is Jack’s father, and has to take responsibility for what Jack has done. In this instance, I don’t blame Cas at all. Okay I rarely blame Cas for anything, including the things he’s done wrong, because no he didn’t and you can’t prove it. But he especially didn’t do anything wrong when Jack killed Mary, and he didn’t do anything wrong by killing Belphagor. But by the middle of the season, in the episode “The Trap,” Dean admits his wrongdoing in taking his anger out on Cas, one of the only people who loves him without conditions. You’d think this would be a defining moment of character progression, but then Dean chooses to act exactly the same way by throwing Jack under the bus. Like, throwing him harder, under a bigger bus. So what was the point.

Anyway, those are choices the writers made, and not Dean.

Going back to what I was saying about being neurodivergent, Dean has adhd. I know this because I have adhd, and I’m Dean-coded. He’s wildly creative, impulsive, has a touch of OCD, and he has a hard time making long-lasting friends, although this is mostly due to how all his friends die. His best friend is an autistic angel and the only reason they’re still friends is because they’re obsessed with each other, in like a really unhealthy way. One of the funny things about his and Cas’s relationship is that every time you see them in the same shot, Cas is standing perfectly still and Dean is constantly moving. They are almost complete opposites, aside from their queerness and neurodivergence. But then, I haven’t met a single queer person in my entire life who isn’t neurodivergent or disabled in some way. That doesn’t mean we can’t live perfectly functional and normal lives, it just means we’re better than everyone else.  

Dean also exhibits black and white thinking—to him all felons are redeemable and all monsters should be killed. Felons are redeemable because he himself is a felon, and monsters should be killed because they all do monstrous things. When faced with the possibility of angels being real, he refuses to believe it for the first two episodes, because, as he says, “he’s never seen one.” Eventually he learns how to see in shades of grey and not kill every monster he meets, but this is because of his time in purgatory with Benny, his Cajun vampire boyfriend.

Another sign of Dean’s ADHD is physical sensitivity. In the season one episode “Bugs,” he comments on the shower’s water pressure. Like it’s a big deal to him, when he’s only ever used 1-star motel room showers. In the later seasons, he’s also seen to wear a fluffy robe and soft pajamas with hotdogs on them and socks that say “Send Noods” but noods spelt like noodles. And so he should! Dean deserves comfort! He’s a special boy.

ADHDers often have problems with executive function—remembering appointments, cleaning up after ourselves, showering, eating, even going to the toilet when we need to pee. The hunting life excludes Dean from the normal functions of usual life, such as dentist appointments, dropping the kids off at school, meal prepping for the week, or turning up to a job on time. These were only factors in Dean’s life during the gap between seasons 5 and 6 when he lived with Lisa and Ben, and it’s not shown how his executive dysfunction impacted his suburban, settled life, but Lisa does mention that Dean drinks a lot. It’s another thing he inherited from John, much as I did my alcoholism from my father, and my adhd too. But Sam doesn’t drink to excess more than a handful of times over the entire 15 seasons, whereas Dean subsists on alcohol to get through the day. At one point in season 11, I’m pretty sure, don’t fact check me, he is shown to be drinking a beer at about 10 in the morning, because, as he says to Sam, “You drank all the coffee. What do you want me to do? Drink water?” Dean your liver must be quaking.

Excess is a common problem for people with ADHD. We have problems with limiting ourselves—because our dopamine machine broke, anything that gives us a little bit of high—such as sugar, sex, alcohol, stimulants, any kind of food that is bad for us but tastes real good—we usually have it in excess because we can’t help ourselves. In the season 4 episode “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester,” Dean eats the entirety of the candy in the Impala. The only reasons I don’t eat everything in my fridge every day is because, one, I don’t have the money, and two, it’s all ingredients I have to prepare and not ready-made food. Whereas Dean has only known fast food for the first 10 or so seasons until he starts cooking and baking and settling into domesticity. Like anyone who gets UberEats every day instead of cooking for themselves knows how expensive that is. He also engages in meaningless sex, although people have pointed that Sam actually gets more on screen action than Dean. But I know a lot of amab people who engage in casual sex with randos because it satisfies a base need. Dean could be classified as hypersexual in some regards, but I know what hypersexuality feels like and it’s like this overwhelming miasma where you can’t think about anything except how horny you are, and I don’t think Dean has that normally. Maybe when he was a demon in season 10, but generally I think he can control himself.

His settled life in the men of letters Bunker is a far cry from his flashbacks in season 8 to Purgatory. From what we know of purgatory, the land of gods and monsters, it was a year-long monster hunt, but without any of the boring paperwork. Dean got to fight and kill as many vampires, ghouls, leviathan, etc as came his way, which is why it’s absolutely ridiculous that he died by rebar in a vampire fight. He spent an entire year spilling blood and chopping off heads, day and night, and he dies by metal bar to the spine? And he’s not even coughing up blood? Andrew Dabb, I’m coming for you. Of course purgatory is the perfect place for Dean because it’s constant adrenaline, constant excitement, constant stimulation, which is what every day life lacks. Even Dean’s every day life is like, 20% monster killing and the rest is leg work. They go weeks or months between cases, and sometimes don’t find the monster at all. So I’m not surprised he gets bored easily and drinks. Would if I could too, my pal.

Which leads me onto Dwelling. Dean dwells on the horrors of his life in a way I do and my carefree older brothers don’t. In the season 4 episode “Heaven and Hell,” he reveals to Sam that he remembers his entire forty years in hell, and there are flashes of his memory littered throughout the season in creepy, split-second increments. He dwells on the people who die, doing his thousand-yard stare into the funeral pyre of everyone they cremate. In the most egregious display of dwelling, he rewrites history TWICE to deal with his grief — in season 8 he makes himself believe that it was his fault Cas didn’t come back from purgatory with him, and again in season 13 he invents the story of Jack controlling Cas to deal with his grief over Cas’s death. His PTSD twists the truth until it becomes another way to torture himself, because if someone gets hurt it’s on him; everyone who loves him is just one more person to disappoint.

On a lighter note, Hyperfixations, equivalent to Autism special interests, are a common trait of ADHD. Some of Dean’s hyperfixations include: hunting in general; cowboys and cowboy movies; the musical Rent; the movie Braveheart; larping. He loves dressing up and acting, and what is putting on a monkey suit and lying about being a Fed if not larping? Oh god the meta of that coupled with the season 4 episode “The Monster At The End Of This Book” is making my head hurt. And actually, the next episode of Holy Hell is on the subject of meta-textuality so stick around if that’s something you enjoy.

One of the amazing things about ADHD is creativity. Since we’re easily bored and easily amused, we’re constantly pushing the boundaries of our curiosity. In season three episode “Bloodlust,” Dean decapitates a vampire with a miter saw, something that even veteran vampire hunter Gordon Walker comments is a thing of beauty. Dean creates a Ma’lak box in season 14 episode “Damaged Goods” as a way to contain Michael if he ever inhabits Dean’s body again. Dean is always making up words like “were-pire” and “Jefferson Starships,” and he has an almost encyclopaedic knowledge of pop culture, which he references in almost every line of dialogue. Like tv and movies raised me, but even I don’t understand a lot of his references. It’s almost like he’s a character in a tv show being written by dozens of people. But that’s not right. He’s a real person and my friend. My friend Dean Winchester, who shouts me burgers and passes out on my couch.

Also, I’m bragging now but as of the day of writing this I got my ADHD diagnosis and it feels so good to have a doctor, a psychiatrist in fact, confirm my belief. After about three or four years of figuring out I have adhd and then trying to make everyone else believe me when I say I do, it feels like a huge weight off. Dean deserved to feel that. He deserves to put a name to his differences and be in charge of his life instead of letting his anger, confusion and impulses control him. If anyone is worried that you might have something and don’t know whether to pursue a diagnosis, my two cents are that it has only improved my life. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Affective Disorder in 2014 and it allowed me to go on medication, which snapped me out of the worst period of anxiety I have ever gone through and also a psychotic episode that featured talking walls and a swarm of Christmas beetles. Trust me, we all need help sometimes, and some people like me need more help than others, but you can take control of the forces in your life that hold you back. As my mother used to say to me when I was a child, the world is your oyster. It really fucking does get better, and since I started on the right anti-depressants for me my life has improved so goddamn much. The world is fucked right now, and it’s impossible to even function on most levels. We all need therapy. I myself have a gp, a psychiatrist, and a psychologist and they keep me relatively sane. I would not be alive if I didn’t have years and years of ongoing therapy and good drugs. Plus I journal everyday and practice gratitude. I’m still crazy but the craziness is contained and doesn’t hurt me anymore.

Despite never going to therapy, Dean grows from being a loner with one friend (his own brother) to someone with a wealth of connections and family. He picks up new people to love like he’s velcro, and when he goes in he goes all in. He would die for the people he loves. He’s constantly putting himself in danger to protect his loved ones. In the Season 6 episode “Let It Bleed,” Dean captures and tortures demons in an effort to find out where Crowley took Lisa and Ben. He then has Cas wipe their memories so that they don’t remember him and can live their lives without him, at his own great distress. In season 5, he goes to Stull Cemetery to impinge on the fight between Lucifer and Michael, just to be there for Sam. As Dean says, he’s “not going to let him die alone.”

That being said, I do have to talk about Dean’s very few, but ultimately life-ruining, flaws. His emotional dysregulation makes his moods unpredictable at best. By virtue of his black and white thinking, he forces the people he loves to choose sides between him and other characters, such as Sam and Ruby, Cas and Crowley, Mary and the british men of letters, and Cas and Jack, and when they don’t choose him, he passively aggressively, and sometimes just aggressively, tortures them until something else usurps their betrayal. His anger issues are par to none, and often get him in a lot of trouble. But since he is the main character, he never really faces consequences for this, and neither does he mature. Even in the final season episode “The Trap,” while Dean admits how angry he is and how wrong he was for taking it out on Cas when Jack died, mere episodes later in “Unity” he turns Jack into a nuclear reactor to take out God, and Jack dies again. His characterisation in the last few seasons, especially in regards to Jack, is all over the place. I would have to start a murderboard to explain how Dean feels about Jack and how he reacts to what Jack does in every episode. Like, pictures and red string and everything. And even then I would not be able to comprehend exactly what the writers did and what they thought they were doing.

But unlike me, Dean always believes the best in people until proven otherwise, and he does always come around to the people who atone for their sins. Even when Sam refuses to get his soul back in season 6, Dean keeps trying until Sam is put right. Between seasons 7 and 8, He spends a year in Purgatory looking for Cas despite how Cas sent Sam insane, ingested billions of monster souls, and became God. When the people he loves choose him, he chooses them back.

But even when they betray him, lie to him, deceive him, and hurt the other people in his life, he can’t stop loving them. He never stops loving Sam or Cas or Jack or Mary or John or Bobby. He loves with everything he has. He is, as Cas says, a being of love.

Oof. That was a lot of words and I feel like I only just scratched the surface. Like realistically I just talked about fambily and ADHD. There is just so much to Dean Winchester that maybe I’ll make another episode sometime. But I am definitely making an episode purely about Dean’s gender presentation and sexuality in the future. You can find the show at holyhellpod on Tumblr where I post transcripts for the episodes and Instagram where I post memes.

I don’t see myself doing an episode about Sam any time soon, Not because I don’t like Sam, but because I can’t stand Jared Padalecki. He’s done some things that I can’t support, and I’m really bad at separating the art from the artist. Especially when it’s something like Supernatural, which is not art. Supernatural is an experiment. It’s not Johnny B. Goode by Chuck Berry. Like Jared Padalecki didn’t invent rock and roll, you know what I’m saying? However, if you really want me to do an episode about Sam, you can pay me 101 Australian dollars and 50 Australian cents at patreon.com/holyhellpod. I’ll talk to you next time.

Links

http://www.scififantasynetwork.com/dean-winchester-has-adhd/

[sunshinejs]

Hesitate [Part 3 of Be Alright]

A/N: Long overdue but I’m finally done with my thesis so yay for that! This last part is inspired by Hesitate by Jonas Brothers because I had the idea right after I went for their concert I still miss them so much wow my pcd is horrible. Anyways I hope you enjoy this one! 

On a totally different note, I hope everyone is doing okay in their isolations! It’s not an easy time for the world right now but I hope there is something we can look forward to soon. Always remember to check in with loved ones and my ask/inbox is always open if you need a friend to talk to. Stay healthy and safe, my loves ❤️

————————————————————

Be Alright [Part 1] | Back to You [Part 2]

Word count: 2.4k

Being on the road was not as easy as Connor thought it would be. The more days he spent working and travelling, the lesser time he had on his phone. The first few months, he tried to check up on you almost every day. Although it consists a lot of saying ‘hey’ and getting a proper reply hours later because of the time zone, he made sure to send you updates and sometimes little snippets of the work he was doing.

You were proud of him. Extremely proud. You were happy that Connor got to live his dreams, get the exposure he was getting while working for Shawn and visiting beautiful places that he would never expect to go to.

But when the Asian leg of the tour kicked in, it became harder for the both of you catch up via Facetime and texts became less frequent. When it was morning for you, Connor was already fast asleep and vice versa.

And you didn’t mind it. You couldn’t keep depending on your best friend who was on the other end of the world. It was just a few months left until he would be back with you, Mike and Sam at UCLA and that was the one thing you would look forward to.

xxx

Connor was in the middle of editing a video backstage, a few hours before the concert started. The past few days has been rough on him and his sleeping schedule was screwed up.

He admits; the past few months have been such an opportunity for him but with a job this big meant the risk that comes along with it was big as well. He needed to follow certain schedules by Andrew, get things done on time, go around backstage filming for their ‘behind the scenes’, adjust his body clock to totally different time zones.  

He was really looking forward to head back to LA and spending time with his family, his friends, and especially you. Connor hasn’t spoken to you in over 2 weeks and he felt guilty that he keeps forgetting to send you a text before he’s piled with his work.

Connor shuts his laptop after saving his work and picked up his phone. Checking the world clock to confirm that he wouldn’t be bothering you when he called, he then switched to Facetime.

When you didn’t answer his call, he wanted to send you a text instead just to let you know that he hasn’t been dead for the past 2 weeks. As he opened your chat, he noticed the ‘last seen’ under your name was 3 days ago. Connor became anxious. You weren’t really the type of person to not check your chats daily.

“Hello?”

“Mike?” Connor sighed in relief when his best friend answered “Hey man, how are you?”

“Same old same old, Brash” He chuckled “Why are you calling me? Aren’t you usually working right now?”

“I was but then I realized I haven’t spoken to y/n in a while and I felt bad” Connor admitted “I called her but she didn’t answer and her Whatsapp said she’s been MIA for 3 days. Have you seen her recently?”

When Mike remained silent, Connor grew more and more nervous. He knew there was something that he didn’t know.

“Mike?”

“She didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?” Connor asked; feeling an uneasy feeling in his stomach “Mike, did something happen? Is she okay?”

“Nothing happened to her, Con” Mike reassured; already feeling that his friend was on the edge of freaking out even more “Con, her grandma passed away a few days ago”

And that, made Connor feel like the worst best friend in the whole world.

“I thought she told you, man…” Mike said with guilt “She headed back home last week because her mom said her grandma was in a critical condition and she wanted to be there for her in case anything happened”

“And you haven’t heard from her since?” Connor asked.

“She told Laila that she wasn’t going to classes for a couple of weeks” He answered “None of us has heard anything from her”

“Why didn’t she tell me?” Connor frowned “I’ve been here, totally oblivious to how she is doing when I should be there with her. I should be comforting her the way she was there for me when I was at my lowest”

“Con, you know this isn’t your fault” Mike insisted “Look, she understands that your job is pretty big right now and if she dropped the news on you, you’re going to want to come home when she knows you can get in trouble for it”

“I can’t sit here, Mike” He shook his head “You know damn well that I can’t continue with my job knowing that she needs me more than ever right now”

“I gotta go… I have to sort things out with my boss”

“Connor,” Mike sighed before Connor could hang up “Just… Don’t get in too much trouble, okay?”

“I don’t know, Mike” He muttered in return “But I guess I’d have to take the risk”

xxx

“No”

“What do you mean no?” Connor gawked. Shawn, who sat next to Andrew, shifted uncomfortably because he knew this was going to end bad.

Andrew sighs as he looks away from his laptop “Connor, look buddy, I get that it’s a difficult thing for you to not be there for her… But I cannot allow you to fly home when we need you around”

“Andrew, we have enough footages!” He reasoned back “Please, man. I just need to go home for a couple of days to make sure she’s fine”

“You signed a contract” Andrew said sternly “That said you would be working unless something happens to an immediate family. Since it’s not you grandma, I can’t let you leave”

“Andrew-,”

“No buts” He cut Connor off “I don’t want to hear it, Connor. A deal is a deal. We made an agreement that you signed to not go against. I can’t do anything about it”

Without another word, Andrew got up from his chair and left the room, leaving Connor angrier than ever.

“Connor” Shawn snapped him out of his thoughts “Go,”

“What?” Connor asked confusingly, looking over at his friend.

“I’ll handle Andrew” He assured “Go home. Take the week off and meet us in Australia, okay?”

“He’s going to be pissed” Connor stated.

“He’s being unreasonable” Shawn shrugged “Listen, I’ve heard you go on and on about this girl of yours so she must be really special. If she needs you, go be there for her”

“Thank you, man” He sighed in relief “Just… Thank you for letting me do this”

xxx

It was a day of long flights for Connor and his body was drained. He sent you a few texts last night but as predicted, the grey ticks didn’t turn to blue ticks.

With his little luggage, he dragged it behind him up to your driveway where 2 cars were parked, which meant you and your mom were home.

It took a few seconds after he rang the doorbell to hear footsteps approaching. When the door opens and your mom saw Connor standing before her, she was taken aback.

“Connor,” She said in a surprised tone.

“Hi Mrs. y/l/n” He greeted politely “Can I come in?”

“Yeah honey, of course” She answered and moved aside. Once they were in, she asked “What are you doing here? I thought you weren’t coming back until December?”

“I was” Connor nodded “But I also heard what happened”

Your mom could only nod understandingly “She told you?”

“Actually, no” Connor frowned “Found out from Mike but I’m really sorry for your loss. How have you been holding up?”

“I’m alright, honey, thank you” She smiled softly “It’s been a difficult time for us but we know she’s in a better place now”

“I’m more worried for y/n right now” Your mom continued. Connor could see the bags under her eyes and how strained she sounded “It took a toll on us but she’s taking a longer time to process it all”

“Do you mind if I see her?”

“Not at all, Connor” She replied “I know she’s always saying she doesn’t need to depend on anyone but we both know she relies on you a lot and right now, she needs you more than ever”

“I rely on her just as much” Connor chuckled softly “It’s the least I can do for her as well”

xxx

Connor knocks thrice on the door and waited for a response. He waited for another minute before knocking again but still didn’t get an answer. When he found the door was unlocked, he pushed it open; only to be met with a dark room.

Your bed was messy, curtains drawn and the only light entering the room was from the street lights outside. He watched you at your balcony; back facing him with your headphones on, which explained why you didn’t respond.

He slowly walked over to the balcony and stepped out of the room. He didn’t know how he could get your attention without scaring you too much so he rested his hand on your head.

You were startled when you felt something on your head and your heart starting beating faster. You slowly looked up and saw Connor instead, you let out a sigh of relief.

“Con?” You asked with wide eyes as you proceed to take off your headphones “What are you doing here?”

“Hey,” He greeted softly and slide down on the floor next to you “What? No hug?” He asked in a teasing voice.

You rolled your eyes playfully but leaned forward to give him a hug. Connor wraps his arms around you protectively and let you bury your head in the crook of his neck “Mike told me what happened” He said softly “I’m so sorry, sweets”

He hears your shaky breath and felt the tears on his neck. He rubs your back comfortingly, running his hand in an up and down motion “Hey,” He cooed “Let it all out, sweets”

“I just miss her, Con” You sniffled “I miss her so much”

“I know, baby” Connor pressed a kiss to your head “And I’m so sorry she’s not here anymore but she is always going to be looking out for you; no matter what”

There was nothing else he could do except let you cry it out while he holds you.

Out of everyone he knows, you were one of the strongest people he has met. To see you in a fragile state like this broke him. He wished nothing more to take your pain away. He’d take the pain for you if he could.

“You didn’t have to come back home just for me, Con” A few minutes later, you spoke softly.

He pushed you away a little so he could look at you and wiped away your tears “Of course I had to” Connor insisted “You’re my best friend and I would never hesitate for you, ever”

“Did you get in trouble with your work for it?” You frowned.

When he avoided your gaze, you sighed “Connor…”

“Look, don’t worry about it, okay?” Connor insisted “I’ll work through it when the time comes. The important thing is that I need to make sure that you’re okay”

You leaned your head against his shoulder “Thank you” You said softly “For being here with me”

Connor intertwines your finger and brings your hand up to his lips, pressing a soft kiss on the back of your hand “You’ve been there for me through my lows. Let me take care of you now”

xxx

It’s a few days later and Connor was dreading to leave you once again.

“Connor, I’m going to be fine” You reassured him as you both stood near the gates at the airport “Go, dofus” You chuckled softly “You’ll miss your flight”

“That’s a good thing, right?” He asked “I can tell Shawn I missed it and I’ll just have to stay”

“Connor,” You gave him a pointed look “You can’t avoid work forever. Go. I’ll be fine”

“100%?” He asked, biting his lower lips in hesitance.

“110%” You smiled “Now give me a hug and get your ass out of here”

“Bossy”

“Thank you for checking up on me” You muttered against his shoulder “I’ll see you in a month, right?”

“A month” He nods, wrapping his arms around you “Promise me you’ll eat and sleep regularly?”

“Yes, mother” You rolled your eyes playfully and pulled away “Call me when you land”

Connor waves to you one last time before he headed towards the gate. Every step he takes, the more he felt reluctant to leave you. He spun around and saw you in the same spot; watching him.

Connor sighs. Guess it’s now or never.

He rushes towards you, noticing your expression changed to confused.

“Did you forget something?” You asked once he was near to you.

“Can I just do something now that I may or may not regret?” Connor asked nervously.

You raised an eyebrow “That depends. Wait, what are you-,” Connor interrupts you by bringing his hands up to face, and pressing his lips against yours.

It felt like a split second to you. Saying goodbye to Connor, watching him run back to you, him kissing you, you kissing him back.

It felt like there was no one else around you and the world stopped working.

Connor takes a deep breath after he pulls away moments later and rests his forehead against yours with his eyes closed.

“Uhh… Well…That was…”

“If you say awkward, I’m going forget this ever happened and move to Japan” Connor threatened.

You let out a chuckle and shook your head. Your arms wrapped around his neck; fingers playing with the ends of his hair “Unexpected, that’s all” You answered.

“Felt like if I left you again without kissing you… I’ll never really tell you how I feel about us”

“Wow, hey there, Brashier. Don’t get ahead of yourself” You joked “You haven’t even taken me out on a date so there really isn’t an ‘us’ right now”

Connor rolls his eyes playfully “I’ll take you on all the dates when I get back”

“Deal… But for now, I’ll see you in month, okay?”

“It’s going to be the longest month ever”

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Please reblog or leave a comment! ❤️

x rina

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[sweetsmellosuccess]

Sundance 2021: Day 4

Films: 4 Best Film of the Day(s): Mass

Mass: Predictably, Fran Kranz’ film opens with a shot of a church, but the title turns out to be a reverberating double entendre   —  both the religious service towards forgiveness; and a term commonly used in conjunction with a multiple-homicide shooting event. The church, Episcopal it turns out, is the agreed-to meeting place for two sets of grieving parents: Gail (Martha Plimpton) and Jay (Jason Isaacs), whose teen son Evan was killed some years before in a high-school massacre; and Linda (Ann Down) and Richard (Reed Birney), whose son, Haden, was the shooter, before killing himself in the school library. They have agreed to meet, long after the lawsuits and legal wrangling have been settled, to possibly provide answers and solace to one another. As can be expected, the atmosphere is fraught with tension  —  a setting Kranz, an actor making his directorial and writing debut, expertly mines before the couples arrive, with a kind but overenthusiastic church administrator (Breeda Wool), fretting about the details of the food arrangement  —  and the couples, wary, at first, of letting things get hostile, work diligently to avoid disagreement by staying mild (an arrangement of flowers Linda brings is speculated upon a great deal). Eventually, however, the four wounded parents get down to more brass tacks, Gail and Jay eschewing their therapist’s call for them to avoid “interrogation” questions, to get at the root of what they are after. In truth, as Kranz has the characters cannily come to understand, there are no details that shed new light, no explanations that help rectify what they’ve lost, only a grim understanding that, as parents, they are all subject to the laws of chaos and chance. Unsurprisingly, Kranz has an actorly sense of conflict and explication, but, despite the limited setting (this could easily have been an adapted play), he gives his actors plenty of room with which to work, and the quartet are more than up to the task. They are each terrific, and given opportunity to shine, but it’s Plimpton’s monologue near the end about her son that becomes the film's singular tour-de-force moment, a scene with so many hooks and edges, it sticks to you like velcro. Kranz is careful not to overstep his dramatic boundaries, difficult given the potentially melodramatic elements of the story, and allows his actors enough time to breathe so it avoids feeling polemic or preachy (an early scene with Gail and Jay in the car before they arrive is a scintillating bit of set-up, where words are spoken, but our attention, like that of the characters, is entirely elsewhere). No easy answers, thankfully, just brutal realizations that can’t be avoided.  

A Glitch in the Matrix: By this time, documentary filmmaker Rodney Ascher has carved out a sort of niche for himself: As with Room 237, and The Nightmare, he has gathered up fringe thinkers displaying a sort of group psychosis in order to explore other ways of seeing, and interpreting, our world. His docs don’t come down on either side of a given conundrum  —  are any of the far-out, would-be explanations of The Shining in 237 the least bit sensible? Is it possible in The Nightmare for people experiencing the horror of sleep paralysis to share in the same horrific vision?  —  but he carefully doesn’t contradict any of his subjects either. His new film, an exploration of what’s known as “simulation theory,” concerns a pattern of thought described back in 1977 by the heavily adapted science fiction author Philip K. Dick during an appearance in France, suggesting, Matrix-style, that all that we think we see and know is actually an intricate virtual reality, brought to us by an unseen technological force. True to his form, Ascher interviews numerous applicants to the theory  —  many of whom portrayed by VR avatars in their own homes  —  including scholars, practitioners, and skeptics, and bolstering their arguments with an assortment of other media, from Minecraft, Philip K. Dick-based films, and crude computer animations, to video games, and youtube videos. The views are intentionally conflictive  —  one subject suggests the very idea of such conflict is the basis of the simulation  —  and anything but conclusive, but, of course, that’s the very point. Less unsettling than The Nightmare, one of the few true horror movies of the documentary genre I’ve ever seen, save for the account of Joshua Cooke, who pled guilty to killing his parents in cold blood after cementing his belief that the ideas portrayed in The Matrix were completely real. Listening to his step-by-step description, from prison, of his descent into madness, and where those impulses took him, is to drop into first-person shooter psychosis.

Coming Home in the Dark: Both Australia and New Zealand are blessed with spectacularly beautiful land that is filled with wide-open, terrifying vast spaces in which any amount of evil may lurk. In dark, violent films like Wolf Creek and Killing Ground, all that beauty and space is turned on its head by far more chaotic inclinations, rendering brutally effective, and stomach-churning sadism as a means of displaying the horrible duality of the land. Kiwi director James Ashcroft attempts to add to this cinematic legacy with this film, a murder-abduction sort of thriller, in which a family on a camping trip in the wilds, is brutalized by a pair of killers they come across. In a twist that at least one of the killers, Mandrake (Daniel Gillies) would have us believe is a coincidence, it turns out the patriarch of the family, Alan (Erik Thompson), used to teach at the abusive orphanage school in which both Mandrake, and his partner, Tubbs (Matthias Luafutu) suffered as children. It’s not a believable conceit, which Ashcroft seems to readily admit, but because it makes the connection, the film attempts to work as a kind of metaphor for the violence which we didn’t perpetrate, but also did nothing to stop. Mandrake as an avenging angel, foisting Alan’s lack of empathy back onto him in violent spades. It’s difficult to fault a film for not being transgressive and shocking enough, exactly, but despite the theatrics of the situation, and Mandrake’s coldly comic engaging of the couple in “regular conversation,” it doesn’t have the heart to be as effective and unsettling as it needs to be. It plays it too safe, which saves the audience from being plunged into the all-too-realistic terror of, say, Killing Ground, but also dilutes the stronger point it wants to make about systemic brutality.

The Blazing World: Related to the 17th Century Margaret Cavendish novel in basic concept, Carlson Young’s feature debut walks a wobbly line between linear narrative, and neo-gothic opera  —  only with a soundtrack instead of singing. The story concerns a young woman, Margaret (Carlson), who loses her twin sister to a drowning accident as a child, but has imagined ever since that her sister lives in some alternate vortex of reality, heralded by a grinning demon, Leonid  (Udo Kier, of course). Coming back to her childhood home before her battling parents (Dermot Mulroney and Vinessa Shaw) move out altogether, Margaret meets some old friends, does some drugs, and finally enters the fantasia-like world that Leonid has been beckoning her to for most of her life in order to find her trapped sister. There, she must amass a series of keys, plucking them from demon versions of her parents, and confront her own guilt and pain in order to unlock her twin and set everyone free. It would be easy to say Young’s reach far exceeds her grasp, but the fact that she was willing to attempt such an audacious project says something about her artistic chops. And for every moment that hits wrong, there are several more that work in interesting ways. Her aforementioned use of music, and sound design invokes a kind of Kubrickian aesthetic, and her commitment to her vision is palpable. This likely won’t be the best film she ever makes, but it does portend to a filmmaker worth keeping an eye on, going forward.

Sundance goes mostly virtual for this year’s edition, sparing filmgoers the altitude, long waits, standing lines, and panicked eating binges  —  but also, these things and more that make the festival so damn endearing. In any event, Sundance via living room is still a hell of a lot better than no Sundance. A daily report.

[doof-doofblog]

"What Is It? Patrick? Patrick?!"

Thursday 7th January 2021

Good evening everyone! Hope you've all had a good day! I'm thrilled to be back posting another blog tonight! I feel so happy to finally be up to date and catch up to the same point as the rest of you! Just want to take this moment again to thank you all for your on-going support. If there's anyway I can improve my blog, please feel free to send me any suggestions!

Now tonight's episode, oh my goodness - quite a few shock factors I have to say! Firstly I'm going to start with Sonia. Clearly she is still behaving out of sorts, lashing out at people for no reason, and yet still we can see clinging on to a little piece of jewellery. I am still convinced that this necklace or chain has some significance, I'm unsure what, but I feel if we see her continuing to handle it, more will be revealed. During the scene where she's at hospital with Ash, she mentions that she can't recall the last time she had a break or even a decent rest. This makes me think that with Sonia being a nurse, I think the thing that's getting to her so much, must be her job. It's true that the NHS have been working around the clock, day and night, 24/7 to fight this virus. What if EastEnders have decided to show us how it must be for some of the people working for the NHS and how much pressure they've been under to fight the virus and how it's has affected them? Physically? Emotionally? Mentally? I feel that this could be Sonia's big story, being a nurse and fighting off Covid-19. It would make sense really, what do you guys think?! Could Sonia be in such a big bubble that she feels no one understands the pressure she's under, how many people she's seen die due to the pandemic? It could very distressing but a very vital and important to show!

Secondly, I want to mention Sharon. She is still putting on a huge front to everyone on the Square, more importantly to Kathy, that she's actually in love with Ian and their marriage is for real. I do feel for Sharon but I do also feel that she's going way in above her head. There are many ways in which she could get revenge on Ian, marry him and take him for every penny he has, not really needing to poison the man. When she finds Kathy approaching Gray for some legal advice, she informs her and everyone else that she and Ian are going to be celebrating their marriage/wedding with a party at the Vic, so everyone can see how committed they are. Even though this is part of her plan, I truly don't know how long she'll be able to put up with it. There is only so much she can take, surely? I mean - Kathy even mentioned whether they had actually consummated the marriage, for some reason I do think that Sharon is going to have to act upon that, just show she'll be able to carry on with her plan and prove their marriage is real, even though she'll hate every single minute of it! But I do feel what she did in tonight's episode was a huge step too far, after realising she was running low of pills to give to Ian, she did the desperate act and approached Jean, using the excuses that she needed tinsel for her upcoming party. Only as soon as Jean was out of the room, she rummaged in the poor woman's handbag and nicked, what I'm assuming was, Jean's bipolar medication. This is going to look awful, not just on Sharon, but also for Jean and the Slater's. What if Jean notices her medication is missing? Or even Stacey? Could it cause Jean to go on a downward spiral? Who knows? I do fear that Sharon's actions could have some serious repercussions for an innocent party.

Thirdly, let's talk about Martin, Ruby and Kush! After being kicked out of the Slater household, Kush is now living with Martin and Ruby. Even though he has no where else to stay, Kush is only staying there because he threatened Ruby by telling her that he'd reveal her involvement in his set up to flee Walford with Arthur. It appears to be the morning after and Martin still isn't interesting in forgiving his best mate. As Martin leaves the room, Kush sits down with Ruby and they begin to talk about Martin, Ruby still hasn't told her husband about her involvement but she seems to feel that Martin isn't talking to her like the way he should, he always seems to be going to Stacey for advice and to talk about things. Kush tries to console Ruby by telling her that Martin is a good Dad, and with Stacey being the mother of his kids, she has to accept the fact that she'll be a part of his life forever, with Ruby looking solemn he makes the very important statement that Martin lives for his kids. It looks as if these words seem to play on Ruby's mind. Meanwhile, while Ruby and Kush are having their discussion, Martin has caught up with Stacey in the Cafe, she openly admits that she understands Kush's actions, however this does not mean that she's forgiven him. Martin is completely surprised by her attitude towards it all, he seemed to expected her to be livid, but she voices her understanding that people do crazy things when they panic, they don't think straight and attempt to do a runner - was Kush acting the same way anyone else would? Stacey's words play on Martin's mind and later he finds his wife at her club, he admits to her that she was right about Kush and that he should forgive his friend. However when he admits that he had spoken to Stacey about it, it upsets Ruby as she begins to feel that her husband doesn't listen to her, as she states that she said the exact same thing that Stacey had told him. Martin seems to think that her wife is jealous or maybe a bit insecure, she questions him whether he actually does love her - he tries to reassure her that he does love her and that his ex's (Stacey and Sonia) are just good friends, plus the very important fact is that they're mother's to his children. BUT THEN - Ruby drops the huge bombshell that she's pregnant! "So am I!" she claims! Leaving Martin looking confused and, honestly, not at all excited! When he asks her if she's truly pregnant, she subtly nods her head. BIG RED FLAG GOING UP!!! I'm telling you all now, she IS NOT pregnant! This will be her plan in an attempt to keep hold of her husband and grasp the attention from him that she so desperately wants, plus it'll also be an attempt to keep him away from Stacey! Only, with this being a lie - this may mean she'll have to become pregnant really quickly, otherwise he'll soon find out she's lying. Will she trick him into sleeping with her? Or could she even blackmail someone else to get her pregnant? Kush maybe?! Ooooo this is going to be a dramatic one I can see it coming!!

The next thing I want to mention is Katy and Frankie! First I just want to say how great it is to see Frankie back! It's been a while since she's been in the soap, I'm hoping now she's back and everything's been revealed, I hope she'll come to realise the truth about her Mum and go and be there for Mick! Will Linda learn to accept her? Could she become a part of the Carter family? Who knows? Either way, I'd love to see her remain in the soap! I think it's a bit unsure as to where Frankie has been, it's clear she hasn't been living with her Mum, and she certainly hasn't been in Walford, where actually has she been?! I think it's very clear and obvious to say that Katy has been completely on edge after Mick confronted her about her abuse towards him. Did Katy reach out to her daughter in pure panic? Making her believe that she has a better chance at life if she was to go to Australia and work in a bar with her God-Mother? Of course, we can tell straight away that it's an attempt to get rid of her daughter before she finds out the awful truth! Only it looks as if Frankie can smell a rat from a mile off, I truly don't think she trusts her Mother - after even having her suspicions about Mick, something mustn't feel right, surely?! The only thing I found pretty impressive in these scenes was the sign language used, even though Mick and Tina never used sign language in front of Frankie (probably because they don't know how) - but Simone Lahbib must've learned how to use sign language for those specific scenes. It's not every day that sign language is shown in a soap, I particularly was impressed with that!

Finally we need to save the best part till last! Patrick! Oh Patrick!!! I want to say how much I've enjoyed seeing so many scenes involving Patrick over the past couple of episodes. It's so nice to see him at the front for a change, Rudolph Walker is an absolutely brilliant actor and EastEnders are so lucky to have him!! The scenes between Patrick and Phil were fantastic, two characters we hardly get to see share a scene together, I have to say I enjoyed every minute of them! We need more of that! Don't you think? I do feel for Patrick, he's trying to keep everybody happy and safe, even though he's going behind Denise's back and letting Phil see Raymond, he's clearly only doing that because Phil promised to keep them safe from Lucas - so I guess it's fair to say that he was stuck in the middle of doing right for both parties. I did feel for him when Denise learnt the truth about him going behind her back, he was clearly devastated as she announced that she felt he betrayed her and her trust. Earlier in the episode when Phil took Raymond out for a kick about, Patrick was getting himself worked up, informing Phil that they should make their way back to the Square, only he suddenly had a bit of shock and had to sit himself down, it look like he had some kind of pain or scare of some kind? Only when Lucas appeared as his front door and barged his way in, Patrick was confronting the murderer, when suddenly he collapsed right in front of him. At first I thought it might've been a heart attack? But then I remembered, a couple of years back Patrick suffered a horrendous stroke and it took him months to learn how to walk and talk again. For a split moment, I thought Lucas was going to help - we know Lucas is evil but could he really stoop so low in letting an old man die right in front of him?! The episode ended with him hesitating to call an ambulance!

I would be absolutely devastated if EastEnders were to kill Patrick off, especially considering the character has only just come back after battling Coronavirus! How bloody awful! I plead that Patrick will survive, I hope maybe Denise, Jack or even Kim might come to the house in time and call an ambulance. I have to say I'm looking forward to tomorrow's episode, I just hope Patrick will be okay! EastEnders would be making a huge mistake if they were to let Patrick be killed off! What do you guys think? I'd love to hear your thoughts, please feel free to leave me a message or comment! I'll be back tomorrow following tomorrow's episode! Enjoy the rest of your night folks! Love you all xXx

[shannen-writes]

Underrated ships - #3 Boone Carlyle and Shannon Rutherford (LOST)

This is the third post in my underrated ships meta series. All posts in the series are tagged as #underrated ships. This time around I’ll be analysing Boone and Shannon from LOST.

There are some ships in this series that definitley will have other shippers out there, although they’re a small group and there are some, like Boone and Shannon, that probably have none. In my time on this site, I’ve never seen or heard of LOST fans shipping Boone and Shannon, but I’m sure you guys are out there. If you are, this is for you! 

Boone and Shannon are a fascinating pair and despite the fact they both died prematurely and their relationship didn’t recieve too much focus in seasons 1 and 2, I really like the nuances of their relationship. We’re introduced to them as being brother and sister, yet Boone was clearly infatuated with Shannon. When we found out that they were in fact step-siblings and their parents married when they were young children Boone’s feelings made more sense, but there was still an element of taboo-ness (for lack of a better word) to their relationship because of their familial connection. This element of their relationship was one part that made it interesting to me, because I think it’s important to write and portray these sorts of relationships. Regardless of personal beliefs, thoughts or opinions on the topic, there are people in the world who fall in love with and even engage in romantic relationships with their step-siblings and Boone and Shannon are one of the only ships I’ve seen on TV that explore this. In addition, this ship explores unrequited love and the burden and heartbreak of that, the animosity and struggles people can face in their relationships when one of the parties develops romantic feelings for the other and the importance of honest and open communication. There’s a lot to un-pack with Shannon and Boone that may not be obvious on the surface, but there’s a lot of depth and complexity to them and it could have been taken even further if they hadn’t of died so soon.  So lets get into the nitty gritty, and start unpicking this relationship.

We learned from flashbacks and Boone and Shannon talking about their childhood and past, that they didn’t have the most supportive or loving parents. Boone’s mother was incredibly cold and emotionally unavailble. She was jealous of Shannon’s relationship with her father so purposefully isolated her from her father and made her feel like an outsider. For Shannon, this was obviously incredibly hard since she had such a close and loving relationship with her father and Boone was the one that was always there for her. Unlike his mother, Boone didn’t push Shannon out or make her feel like an outsider, he was always there for her. 

When Shannon’s father died, she was heartbroken and the way her step-mother treated her following his death only added to her grief. Yet Boone turned up at the funeral and it was clear that he was there to support Shannon rather than his own mother.

And Shannon’s relief at seeing him made it clear that he was her only real source of support. Without her father, Shannon had no one and her step-mother didn’t have any love for her. In fact, she wanted to do whatever she could to remove Shannon from her life and cut her off from having access to any of her father’s inheritance. 

Although we have few flashbacks of Shannon and Boone, the ones we do have reinforce the theme of Boone being Shannon’s constant source of support and of always running to her side whenever she needed him. He flew half way around the world at the drop of a hat to run to her rescue when she was in Australia. He even offered Shannon’s abusive boyfriend thousands of pounds for him to leave Shannon alone. There were no limits to what he was willing to do for her. 

After that, Shannon turned up at Boone’s hotel and it’s the first and only time we saw a romantic scene between them.

This scene is one of my favourites because Ian and Maggie played the tension and angst between Boone and Shannon so perfectly. You can see the connection between them and the impact of Shannon finally saying aloud their secret truth; the thing both of them have always known but never spoken about, that Boone was in fact in love with her. You can physically see how Boone’s inner turmoil and the tortue of trying to resist Shannon’s advances because she’s his step-sister fighting against how much he loves and wants her. 

And whilst Shannon is saying these things and making a move on him, he actively tries to talk himself out of it and tell her she’s delusional because he’s so desperate to deny the truth, even though he already knows that he’s going to give into it.

But this wasn’t just something that happened on a whim, it was something that had been building and brewing between them for years and you feel that when you watch the scene. Boone had been in love with Shannon for years and that’s why, no matter where he was or who he was with, whenever Shannon called him he came running. Shannon was pretty much Boone’s entire world, his life revolved around her. 

The episode Hearts and Minds (1x13) really shows how much Boone loves Shannon. Not just because of the flashbacks (above) that we see, but because of what happens on the island where Boone halluicnates (courtsey of John forcing drugs on him) that Shannon is in danger and dies in his arms.

By this point, it was already clear from Boone’s behaviours and actions that he loved Shannon, but this episode dug even deeper and showed how much pain that love caused him. He knew Shannon would never truly love him in the same way and that because she was his step-sister, his feelings for her were borderline wrong, and that ate away at him. Particularly since Shannon was developing a romantic relationship with Sayid, he was struggling to manage his jealousy and hurt over that. It’s not necessarily framed in a sympathetic light, but on reflection, I can’t help but feel sorry for Boone in this situation. He was introduced to beautiful girl when they were children, and was told she was going to be his new step-sister, he probably developed a crush on her immediately, as he grew up he came to be more and more infatuated until he fell in love with her, then he had to battle against those feelings and deal with the guilt, disgust and immorality of feeling that way towards his step-sister. On top of that, he had to deal with the fact that Shannon would never look at him in the same way and he was doomed to spend his life rescusing her from a string of abusive or toxic men, only to be tossed aside by her when she found someone or something else more interesting. It’s really not difficult to see why Boone was always so twisted up about Shannon. 

With all of the emphasis being on Boone thus far, it would be easy to pass Boone and Shannon’s relationship off as being one-sided, but it certainly wasn’t. Boone definitley had more intense feelings for Shannon than she did for him and they were more romantic in nature, but Shannon loved Boone deeply. A lot of the time on the island, this wasn’t that obvious because there was a lot of animosity, bickering and sniping between them. 

Despite this, Shannon relied on and loved Boone and there were moments where that shone through. 

What we saw in flashbacks of Boone being Shannon’s strength was still the case on the island. Their bickering was a result of the tension that was between them because of the complicated nature of their feelings for one another. Shannon was mean to Boone to push him away and Boone was mean to Shannon to deny his feelings for her. Underneath all of that, they needed and loved each other. Neither of them really had anyone else but each other and from what we learn of them from their flashbacks, that had always been the case. 

I really think that Boone’s death acted as a wake up call for Shannon. It made he realise that that Boone wasn’t as inevitiable as she had thought he was; that he wasn’t always going to be there for her. I think losing him made her regret the way she treated him and how she pushed him away because he was in love with her, and that his death put everything into perspective. 

Shannon spiralled into grief after finding out Boone was dead, even going as far as to want to get revenge on John because she believed he was responsible for Boone’s death. 

And Shannon’s grief wasn’t temporary, it was ongoing. Boone’s loss stayed with her and impacted her right up to her own death.

I’ve always been sad and disappointed that Boone and Shannon’s arcs and their relationship was cut short and never fully resolved. Boone died never fully realising how much Shannon loved and appreciated him. Shannon was full of regret after Boone’s death that she never had an honest conversation with him about everything that happened between them. Although I don’t necessarily think Shannon’s feelings for Boone were the same as his were for her, I think she lived in regret about how she handled it and the way she played with Boone’s feelings, because the the truth was that she truly loved and cared for him.

All of this is why I was so underwhlemed in the final season when Shannon reunited with Sayid in the flashsideways. It felt like a disservice to Boone and Shannon because it wasn’t true to either character or their relationship. Putting aside the romantic aspect of their relationship, Boone and Shannon belonged together. They had been together since they were children; they had been each other’s family; Boone had been there for Shannon through everything, he understood her, saw the good in her where everyone else belitted and criticised her; Shannon knew the struggles Boone faced with his mother and likewise he understood his mother’s cruelty towards Shannon. They knew each other better than anybody and were each other’s strength and support. Boone’s last thought before he died was Shannon and the final word on his lips before his last breath was Shannon’s name. After Boone’s death, Shannon wasn’t the same person. His loss affected her so deeply and changed her perception of everything. Admittedly, the timing of her death occurred for many reasons, but I strongly believe that losing Boone coincided with Shannon’s premature death, because they were so deeply connected. This connection that they shared and the nuances of their relationship are the reason I’ll always love Shannon and Boone.

*Most of the gifs used are not mine*

[wolfpawn]

I Hate you, I Love You Chapter 4

Chapter Summary -  Tom ponders Danielle's words and checks something with Chris Hemsworth.When he sees Danielle again, tempers flare, leaving a close friend looking on in shock.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog  @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions

Danielle stared at the ream of paperwork around her, she had so much to do since it seemed the people of Suffolk, were not in need of medics that night, much to her joy. She thought of what had happened in her kitchen, the words crossed between herself and Tom, her more so than him. She could see the realisation in his eyes that not everyone was oblivious to the inevitable car crash of a relationship he was currently in and she was the first person to actually say it to him, to confront him on what was clearly a terrible choice, and it seemed to resonate with some small part of his mind.

What she did not show, however, was that Tom had actually hit a nerve with her too. She was jealous; envy coursed through every fibre of her being when it came to him and his teeny-bop squeeze. Danielle was in love with Tom, not Tom Hiddleston the actor, the showman, but the person, the faulted, imperfect and yet still more endearing than anyone else she had ever met, Tom. He was the reason she had not had a boyfriend in the time she had been in Suffolk because she knew any man she would meet, would only ever be second fiddle to Tom in her heart, she would always compare them to Tom, and she knew that was wrong. But she knew he did not think of her like that. He wanted thin, tall, blonde, stinking rich and famous, she was a size ten, five foot four, brunette and a public sector employee, if you googled her name, you would only get the Triathlon she helped set up a few years ago back home and a facebook page, no news articles, nothing. She was nothing special, and she was fully aware of it.

It was not that Tom had a girlfriend; she knew was going to happen someday, and she knew he would have a kid or two and maybe a wife, she accepted that, but she had not accepted that he would take a fake, controlling fame whore for a girlfriend, that was too much for her. When he was connected Elisabeth Olsen, all that bothered her there was that Olsen was just over a breakup from his fiancé, and she did not want Tom being blamed. When he was connected to Jessica, and even Haley Atwell, she had been happy for him, but he dismissed them all as rumours. She wanted him to be happy, but she knew that in the long run, Taylor was only a pitstop relationship, for the singer anyway, and it could affect Tom in the long run, that killed her. She knew how hard he had worked for everything, and he was throwing it all away himself. She sighed, rubbing her hands over her face, not knowing what to do.

*

Tom did not sleep that night; when he came back into his mother’s house; he stormed off to his room like a petulant child, not wanting to talk to her, or anyone else. Danielle’s words stabbed like hot pins, each one piercing a bit of his already concerned mind. He ignored his phone and he just lay with his hands over his eyes until long after the sun went down, and darkness filled the small room he was in.

Diana said nothing, the way he came in and the way Danielle got into her car told her everything she needed to know; so she left him to his own devices.

Tom woke at some ungodly hour of the early morning, looking at his phone, it told him it was three twenty and that he had seventeen messages. He thanked whatever person came up with the idea to make a ‘Do not Disturb’ function on phones. Flicking through them, he groaned. All of them were from Taylor, the first with an ‘I tried to call, but your phone is off, ring me’ escalating to demanding and accusing words as he came to the final one, left only half an hour ago. He took off the DND option, and texted her back, apologising profusely, that he fell asleep with jet lag and that he hadn’t his phone died, but with it being nearly four am, he would ring her in the midmorning EST time tomorrow, that he didn’t want to risk waking his mother. He felt guilty for lying about the phone being off, but he could not admit the truth, that he didn’t want to hear from even her. He got an abrupt text back, one that told him that he was in the dog house from across the Atlantic; and that he had some making up to do. Tom frowned, he understood that not answering her texts or calls was in many respects rude, or would have been, had he known they were even there and not having been asleep, but grovelling for it, that was a tad much. Then Danielle’s words came to him again, how she had not been able to ring, or that her texts were not going through to him, and was she the only one. He had been congratulated by so many of his friends for his Emmy nomination, Tilda, all the original Avenger’s cast, the Night Manager cast, obviously, many of his stage production friends, but not Elisabeth, Mia nor Jessica, or…he bit his lips together. It was not possible, Taylor would not do that, she had no reason, surely.

Angry at himself for doubting her, he decided to test his theory. Flicking through the numbers, he was shocked to see said women’s names were not in his phone; so flicked to Hemsworth’s name, he would be awake surely; it was mid-afternoon in Australia after all, and pressed call.

“Well mate, what part of the world are you in to say you are calling me at this time? Thought you were back in the homeland.”

“I am.” Tom rubbed his eyes; it was clear from his voice he was tired.

“So you wake at what is it, four in the morning there, and you decide to call me, I gotta say, mate, I am honoured, but I thought you would call the pop princess if that happened.” Chris joked.

“Can I ask, do you have Jess’s number in your phone?” Tom got straight to the point, not in the mood for games or small talk.

“Chastain?”

“Yes.”

“Not anymore mate, I got an upgrade, but I do have it here somewhere, Elsa did something where all my numbers went onto the tablet, one sec. India, daddy needs that for a moment sweetheart. Yes, I know you are doing your ABC's and you are thrashing your record darling, I am so proud of you, but I need to get something from it, I’ll pause it so you won’t lose it alright? Gracias sweetheart.”

“Spanish?”

“Elsa speaks it with them, I swear, the twins cannot distinguish between languages, so I am there trying to put together a puzzle of words from a sentence that are English and guess the rest.” Tom gave a small chuckle. “Right, have you a pen mate?”

Tom confirmed, and Chris gave him the number. “Thanks, man.”

“Is everything alright Tom, you seem a bit spaced, and I am not talking jetlagged.”

“A lot on my plate at the moment.”

“Alright, well that is the Hollywood singer scene for you, Liam had or has it again too, but at least…” Tom could sense Chris trying to find a way to backtrack. “Is there anything else you need?”

“No, that’s it, thanks. Unless you know what part of the world she is in at the moment.”

“No idea man, but she’s famous, so Google her, and you’ll soon find out.”

“Is that how you find out what people are doing?”

“It’s the way things are these days,” Chris stated nonchalantly. “Later man, try and get some sleep.”

“Yeah, thanks, man.” Tom hung up the phone and looked at Jessica’s number, she had been a good friend of his, as had Mia, they worked well together, and both women would text him if anything about him and his achievements were highlighted, and the last time he had spoken to either of them, they declared their adoration for his depiction of Pine, so to not get anything from them on the Emmy, was slightly concerning. Typing Jess’s number into his phone, he took a deep breath and pressed call, slowly placing the phone to his ear.

“The number you are calling is not accessible from this device, please check your settings and try again soon.” He closed his eyes as the automated voice reeled off its response and the call ended.

A funny feeling filled his stomach, like a form of nausea, and he sat up. Danielle’s words went through his head over and over, as well as the evidence he now had. Taylor was not a bad person, there had to be an explanation, he would talk to her when he saw her, it was obviously some sort of mistake, he justified to himself. He tried to resettle, but to no avail, so he turned and groaned. In front of him was his bedside locker, and the books that Elle had gotten him from London, her words again going through his mind, how he had not bothered to talk to her at all, and he felt some guilt. He wanted to introduce Taylor to her; because she meant so much to the family, but clearly, his family and in turn Danielle thought nothing of Taylor. Elle had said she was pretty and well accomplished, but nothing else that she stated could ever be construed as a compliment, and clearly, none of the women in his life had time for her. He swallowed as the guilt turned to anger, Danielle was single as long as he had been, she was envious, she still had no one waiting for her when she came home in the mornings, that is why she took the night shift, she had nothing to look forward to, and she would never achieve anything near the level of achievements in her life that Taylor had; that is what the egotistical part of his mind stated. The logical side argued against it, but he ignored it, he was in no mood to feel remorseful for his thoughts.

As soon as it became bright enough, Tom got into his training gear and went for a run, sometimes training on an empty stomach forced him to pull more from himself, and that forced him to forget everything except running, and he needed that more than ever at present. Without meaning to, he ran a full ten kilometres before even noticing; cursing he turned and started the route back, he would be exhausted and starved by the time he got there, but the anger and annoyance he was feeling coursed through him; and allowed him to make the journey in a good time. Just as he came to his mother’s home, he heard a car coming up the road behind him, looking at his watch, he knew who it was, turning slightly, he saw the black Ford Focus indicating in, and a tired-looking Danielle in the front seat. He stood watching her for a moment, but she did not seem to pay him any heed and turned into her driveway.

He watched as she got out of the car, her feet crunching down on the gravel of her driveway as she opened the back door and got out her work bag, completely ignoring him and heading to her door. “You have some nerve.” He called after her.

“I am really not in the mood to deal with you and your first world, privately educated, rich, privileged white boy problems right now Tom.” She stated, not even turning to face him.

The ‘P’ word that was a point of contention with him at the best of times, much less when he was tired, hungry and annoyed; his nostrils flared. “It is not my fault your parents didn’t think you worth the worth the investment of a good education.”

“If you want to be a prick, do it later, I cannot deal with you now Tom.” She repeated, not looking at him; her voice void of emotion.

“No, you can dish it out, but you cannot take what I have back, can you?” Tom took long strides and made his way over to her, standing between her and her doorway. He saw then the worn look on her face and the red circles around her eyes. “What, did my saying you were jealous last night hurt, did it strike a nerve?” He half demanded, a snide grin on his face. “With how spiteful you are, no wonder no guy wants to be with you.”

“I went to a car accident last night, a mother and her kids, ploughed through by a sleepy truck driver, no survivors in the car, the truck driver standing there perfectly unscathed, trying to act like it wasn’t his fault.” Fresh tears coming to Danielle’s eyes. “Two beautiful babies, gone; because a man would not stop in and get a coffee and a kip. I had to check for their pulses because I was the only one small enough to fit into what was left of the wreck of a car to do so. Their beautiful little faces, covered in glass shards and blood, their mother, had died trying to get back to them, she died seeing her babies’ dead, and you think I give a shit about you and your pathetic attempt at a relationship?” She shook with emotion. “I could not care less if I tried Tom, I seriously can not give a single, solitary shit about you right now.” Tom swallowed hard. “And for the record, I don’t know if guys even consider me, because I am not the least bit interested in them at present.” She walked passed him. “I suppose if it is a case I am spiteful, and no one my age wants me, I could get a guy in his forties, or early twenties, after all, that’s what people do when they can’t get a partner in and around their own age, isn’t it. I mean, Cumberbatch’s wife is about a year younger than him, Hemsworth got a hot, not much older woman, but you, you have to go for one near a decade younger than you, says a lot really. They used to warn young girls that if there were men a good bit older than them interested in them, there was a reason to be concerned; since there had to be a reason that no woman their age would look at them, makes you think.” She opened her door and walked in, slamming the door behind her, leaving him in her driveway, feeling worse than before.

Tom turned to leave and froze, in front of him stood Benedict, with Christopher, or he assumed had to be, since he had not seen the child in months, looking at him so judgementally from just outside Danielle’s driveway, he felt as though he was in the dock for murder, still covered in a victim’s blood. “Don’t start.”

“I hope I don’t have to, if that did not put your ‘shit’ in perspective for you, nothing will.” Ben mouthed the swear word rather than state it in front of his year-old son, who was starting to babble a few words, not wanting him to learn it.

“What are you even doing here?”

“I went passed your place the other day to check on it, remember, you asked me to when you were away, and I saw a black car outside it, so I said I would check, it was Danielle, saying you were home for a few days this week, and she was collecting a few things for you, so with Sophie preparing her show this week, I thought we could catch up, and with the huge kerfuffle around you of late, I thought early day before the leeches rise would be best.”

“Seriously, not you too,” Tom growled, walking passed him.

“If there are so many talking to you about this Tom, does it not mean something to you, we care about you, that’s what friends do,” Ben stated in return. “Danielle is a close friend of the family, in five years she has been made privy to things about you that could be sold off to the highest bidder, photo’s she could make more money in one sale than she makes in a year, but no, she says nothing, and you actually just said that stuff to her just there?”

“I thought I told you to not start,” Tom growled.

“I thought I wouldn’t have to, but clearly, I do.”

“Go to Hell.”

“That’s a nice thing to say to your friend in front of his child.”

“I don’t care Ben.”

“That’s clear to see, I hope you are happy Tom; because it wouldn’t be worth all of this otherwise.” Ben shook his head, walking passed him into Danielle’s driveway.

“Where the Hell are you going?” Tom demanded.

“Christopher needs a fresh nappy and a warm breakfast, I was hoping he could have it at your mother’s, but to be honest, I don’t want him to be around someone as toxic as you are of late, so I am hoping that Danielle doesn’t mind me doing it at hers.”

“You don’t even know her.”

“I met her more times than I ever want to meet the woman that turned you into this.” Ben retorted, knocking on the door and lifting up the mail slot. “Danielle, it’s Ben Cumberbatch, can I change Christopher here please, I don’t think I am really welcome next door.” A moment later the door opened. “Sorry to disturb you, I heard you had a terrible night, but…”

“You don’t need to explain.” She gave a weak smile, making room for him to come into her home. “Come in, tea or coffee?” Elle did not even look at Tom as she closed the door again, leaving the livid man standing outside, shaking with rage.

[worryinglyinnocent]

Fic: Love in the Highlands

Summary: In Lochdubh, Hamish acts as self-appointed matchmaker to newcomer Belle as she tries to make sense of her feelings for taciturn landlord Gold. Hamish Macbeth/Once Upon A Time fusion: rumbelle, bellish / Isobel&Belle broship.

Written for the @a-monthly-rumbelling prompt: “AU: Fusion”

Rated: T

=====

Love in the Highlands

Small, isolated communities like Lochdubh were naturally suspicious of incomers, especially if they came from anywhere further afield than Glasgow and even more so if they came from the other side of the world entirely. Belle had been prepared for more than a few strange looks when she had first moved to town and started to work at the newly opened bookshop slash library slash local information office slash community centre slash back-up post office. 

Once she’d made it clear in a firm but friendly manner that she wasn’t going anywhere and that she was going to try and fit in with the local customs as much as possible, people started to be more accepting, and now the locals would smile at her in the pub and would only express incredulity that someone would ever want to move from somewhere like Australia to the middle of nowhere in the Scottish Highlands. 

There was only one person left in the town whom Belle had yet to win over, and, considering the way that the rest of the locals gave him a somewhat wide berth, she thought that this was something to be proud of.

Ciaran Gold was Belle’s landlord, and he owned the village antique shop; how he managed to stay in business in a place as small as Lochdubh was anyone’s guess and theories among the town varied wildly: from him being a vampire, to him being a mob boss, to him running an underground moonshine operation to rival Lachlan McCrae’s. 

He was also the most reticent and surly man that Belle had ever met, keeping to himself for the most part and barely ever leaving his dusty shop. He hardly spoke two words together to her when she ventured into his lair to bring him her rent, and although she would have loved to stay a while and browse the veritable Aladdin’s cave of treasures in the shop, she always received the impression that her presence was unwelcome, and he was shooing her out of the place with his aura alone. 

“He’s like that with everyone,” Hamish assured her when she was lamenting her lack of cordial relations with her landlord in the pub one evening. The local policeman and his girlfriend had welcomed her from the very first and it was largely due to Hamish and Isobel’s practical common sense that Belle’s popularity was increasing, and the library was gaining in foot traffic daily. (The fact she’d started bringing in cake probably helped as well.)

“But why?” Belle pressed. “No one’s naturally that miserable, something has to have happened to make him that way.”

Hamish made a face and pointedly changed the subject by announcing that he was going to get another round in. Belle waited until he was out of earshot and turned to Isobel. 

“There is a reason, isn’t there?”

Isobel nodded and leaned in over the table. 

“It’s a bit of a local gossip legend,” she said. “Gold left Lochdubh for the bright lights of Glasgow, married a city girl who then left him and took their wee son with her. He came back to Lochdubh a broken man. Hamish doesn’t like it talked about; Gold’s a cousin on his mother’s side and even if they’re not incredibly close, he’s still family.”

Now that Belle knew the connection, she could see the resemblance. Gold’s face was older and worn with life’s hardships, his hair greyer, but the familial traces were there. Isobel’s words had only served to make him seem even more mysterious in her eyes, and she wondered if perhaps she could be the one to bring him out of his shell of hurt…

X

Armed with the admittedly scant knowledge that she had gleaned from Isobel, Belle decided that she would take a different approach the next time she tackled Gold. She would simply refuse to be cowed by him. If he wanted to be left alone, then he shouldn’t have a shop open to the public. 

So, on the next rent day, when Belle went into the antique shop with her cheque, she didn’t go up to the counter straight away. She was determined to look around and browse with the proper respect that a lifetime of collecting all in one place deserved. 

Gold was watching her as she moved around the shop taking in the veritable Aladdin’s Cave of treasures there, and occasionally, their eyes would meet. At first he seemed to be in just as much of a foul mood as usual, but the longer that Belle stayed, the more he seemed to become used to her presence and relax in it. When he finally spoke, Belle was so surprised that she startled out of her perusal of a delicate tea set. 

“Do you see something you like the look of? Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he added when Belle jumped. 

To Belle, those few words - spoken in complete earnest, she could tell - were incredibly revealing. He didn’t mean to scare her. All the other times she had been in the shop, something about him had given off a fearmongering aura. Now, he was a little different. As she glanced over at him, she saw that there was a slight shy smile on his face. 

She pointed out the tea set. “This is beautiful.”

He came around the counter and crouched down beside her to open the display cabinet, taking out one of the cups and handing it to her. This was certainly unprecedented. Everything about the shop had a general air of ‘do not touch’ around it, and now Belle was being allowed to handle the goods. 

The bell over the door went, and this time they both jumped, with Belle losing her grip on the cup. Gold’s hands shot out to catch it and ended up cradling hers as she regained her hold. She looked up at him, suddenly aware that she was blushing furiously, and noticing that Gold had gone distinctly pink around the ears as well. 

Belle glanced over her shoulder to see who had come in, finding Hamish standing in the doorway. He was looking rather amused at the scene he’d just interrupted. 

“Can I help you?” Gold asked coolly.

“No, no. As you were.”

Hamish backed out of the door and closed it behind him, leaving Belle and Gold standing in the middle of the shop. The moment had become awkward now thanks to Hamish’s inadvertent intervention. 

“I think you’d better take that back,” Belle said hastily, handing over the cup. “And this.” She put the rent cheque down on the side and almost ran out of the shop, glad to be out in the cold air so that she had an excuse for her flaming cheeks. Oh, this was bad. She definitely wasn’t supposed to be developing a crush on the landlord when she’d set about trying to ingratiate herself with him. Now what was she supposed to do?

X

Ever since Isobel had moved into the police house, she’d extended an open invitation to Gold to join her and Hamish for Sunday lunch, doing her best to give him some familial contact. So far, she’d been incredibly pleased with her efforts. He generally came about once every two months, which was about as much as his introversion could handle. When he came this week, however, Isobel was quite certain that he’d never come again. 

Ever since Hamish had walked in on Gold and Belle’s ‘little moment’ in the antique shop, he’d been determined to matchmake.

“Hamish, you know your cousin better than anyone else in the village, but even I know that he’s not going to welcome you interfering in his love life, no matter how honourable your intentions might be. Besides, you don’t even know that they like each other, let alone want to get to know each other more intimately.”

“Iz, if you had been there, you would know that they definitely like each other. I think ‘smitten’ is the word.”

When Hamish, on learning that Gold would be joining them on Sunday, had suggested inviting Belle as well, Isobel considered putting her foot down for all of ten minutes before she realised that if she did, Hamish would simply resort to more drastic measures to get the two of them in a room together. His enthusiasm was borne out of a simple desire to see his closest relative happy, and all Isobel could do was try to temper him for fear of him doing more harm than good. 

Although she wouldn’t interfere in Hamish and Gold’s relationship more than she already had done by extending the lunch invite in the first place, Isobel felt that it was only fair to let Belle know what she was letting herself in for in accepting Hamish’s invitation. 

On learning that Gold would be present, Belle had just given a little smile, quickly covered it with a cough, and said that it wouldn’t be a problem. 

Reluctantly, Isobel had accepted that maybe there was something in Hamish’s observations. 

Now Sunday was here, and they were all sitting around the table with anticipation hanging heavy in the air. So far, Belle and Gold had been perfectly civil to each other and shown no signs of mutual attraction, and Hamish was thinking of increasingly ridiculous methods of trying to leave them alone together. It was painfully obvious to all parties what he was trying to do, and now he’d dragged Isobel into the kitchen on the pretence of getting her to help make custard.

“Hamish, if you keep this up then neither of them will ever come here again.”

“We have to give them a chance!”

“We’ve given them several chances, now be reasonable. These things don’t happen overnight. Look how long it took us to get together.”

“That was different.”

“No, it wasn’t.”

Whilst this argument was continuing in the kitchen. Belle and Gold were still left to their devices in the other room. Belle couldn’t help continuing to sneak little glances at Gold. She’d been doing it ever since she’d arrived, and sometimes she caught him doing the same. This was one such occasion. He gave a little smile, although it was becoming clear that he was getting increasingly stressed by the whole situation. 

Figuring that conversation was better than awkward silence, Belle decided to start talking. 

“Are they doing this on purpose?”

Gold shook his head. “No. Hamish is doing this on purpose and Isobel is probably giving him grief for it as we speak.”

“I think he just wants us to get to know each other a little better.” Belle inched her chair a little closer around the table. Since she’d been given this opportunity, however contrived, she might as well make use of it. “I mean, I’d like to get to know you better, if I can.”

Gold’s expression was a strange one, part hope and part disbelief. “There’s not much to know,” he mumbled. “Not much good, at least. I’d rather talk about you.”

“If that’s what you want, I’m sure that I can be persuaded, Mr Gold.”

“Please, call me Ciaran. If we’re getting to know each other better then maybe first name terms would be a start.”

“As you wish, Ciaran.”

She didn’t realise how long they continued to talk for, but by the time Hamish, looking somewhat smug, and Isobel, looking somewhat exasperated, returned to the room, the custard was stone cold and had set into a solid lump in the jug, and the apple pie that it was supposed to accompany had burned to a cinder. Isobel got out some ice-cream instead, and the ruined dessert was tactfully not mentioned in the hope of avoiding breaking the proverbial fourth wall that had sprung up around the table and Hamish and Isobel’s prolonged absences from it. Still, conversation seemed to flow much more easily now that Hamish had achieved his goal, and Belle was almost disappointed when the time came for her and Gold to leave. Not too disappointed though. They walked along in the late afternoon sun together until it was time for them to part and go their separate ways to their respective homes. 

“It was nice to get to know you, Ciaran,” she said. “Perhaps we could get to know each other a little better over lunch again. Without an audience, this time.”

Gold smiled, and his ears had gone rather pink again. 

“I would like that very much, Belle.”

“I could bring a picnic to the shop tomorrow?”

“That sounds perfect.”

As they said their goodbyes and continued down their different roads, Belle couldn’t help but grin. It turned out that Hamish’s interference had done the trick after all, and if he was attempting to play matchmaker like this, then he obviously approved of her interest in his cousin. 

Belle couldn’t wait for their next date. 

(But she probably wouldn’t tell Hamish about it.)

[crue-sixx]

Title: Oracle

Fandom: The Dirt (CastxMadison)

Summary: Madison is a soldier with psychic powers.  She and another woman, Katie escape the Compound that they were forced to live in since childhood to find help for the younger prisoners, and split up.  Madison stumbles to New Orleans where the Dirt is currently being filmed.  There she meets a male with psychic powers-a rarity.

Note: All caps are telepathic messages

A/N: Happy birthday @crue-sixx!  Used her name with permission for this imagine!  (Katie is me)

Throughout history, there have been people with psychic abilities that vary in occurrence and strength.  Most people who have them don't even know they do and go their whole lives without so much as a peep from their abilities but others have used them to their advantage.  For a time they were called witches and hunted down and slaughtered in the name of various gods.  Some were seen as gods themselves, and they used their power to dominate the masses into unquestioned obedience.

However, when the witch hunts came around most of those with psychic abilities had died out-some cases entire bloodlines were snuffed out.  In the present day, roughly about 20% of the population  have psychic abilities, the most common among them being telekinesis or telepathic.  98% of those with abilities are women.  Some of the more uncommon abilities are an elemental power-fire. water, earth and air.  The rarest of abilities was precognition, those who possess this kind of power were once revered and called oracles.

In today's world, those with abilities are captured and exploited for the personal gain of people in power.  Madison and Katie were such psychic soldiers, Madison having telepathic powers and Katie with telekinesis.  They were sisters, biologically and mentally.  Katie was the older one, and after her birth the Ghost Division (a top secret organization that pulls off assassinations and influence the decisions made by politicians) kept a close eye on the family to see if they would produce another person with an ability.

When they did, baby Madison was whisked away in the night.  The retrieval unit left a trail of corpses in their wake, as was expected the mother and father put up a valiant effort to protect the child. From birth, Madison and Katie were pumped full of drugs in an attempt to make their abilities stronger, or even able to wield dual abilities.  They were separated for most of the day, having been put with other prisoners who shared their abilities.  The only time they were allowed contact was during mealtimes.

The Ghost Compound was a refurbished prison, with 24/7 audio/visual surveillance and everything automatic.  Like a smart house, everything could be remotely controlled from an outside source.  Even the rings on their fingers could be triggered at anytime.  The rings were more like shackles, if they were to try to take them off, then an electric shock would go off.  It was during lunch one day that it was found out what would happen if someone were to cut off their finger.

A young girl of about 12 had taken her steak knife and started to chop off the finger, but right before the blade hit the skin the ring let out a piercing scream and a second later the poor girl was convulsing on the floor with a pink foamy mixture of blood and saliva oozing from her mouth.  When she stopped convulsing, an announcement went over the intercom "That is what happens when you defy my authority.  Defiance equals death.  Remember that, my Beauties, and we'll get on just fine".  Madison and Katie just stared at the dead girl, who was now being taken away to the incinerator to be disposed of.

Of course the younger inmates were terrified and kept eating as if nothing happened.  Madison locked eyes with Katie and sent a telepathic message- CANT KEEP LIVING LIKE THIS.  Katie nodded, her being unable to send a message back.  She then extended her fingers on the hand the ring was on and with her other hand she motioned to a knife.  Madison gulped, knowing full well what her sister meant.

They were planning an escape for sometime now, and the events at lunch just made them more aware as to the importance of their situation.  Madison would send telepathic messages to Katie, and she'd just shake or nod her head- the walls had eyes and ears.  Any spoken or written word would be their downfall.  Katie had made the camera in her cell burst so recording couldn't be completed.  They had to act fast, since that would surely sound the alarm.

They met in the recreation yard, Madison able to get away with the pretense of getting sick in the bathroom-the only places in the whole compound that didn't have audio or visual recording.  She had gotten a tape recorder and set it on play, the sounds of vomiting echoing through the cells.  They each had an axe that used by a fireman to cut through burning wood to save people's lives.

Katie held out the hand that had a ring on it and with only a moment of hesitation,  Madison swung the axe and the thing came off.  Katie let out a scream of pain, and Madison held out her own hand, and Katie cut it off as well.  Blood was getting everywhere, so Katie tore her shirt to make temporary bandages for the both of them. 

"I'm going to lift us over the wall" Katie said, the blood loss already getting to her.  She pulled Madison close to her and they lifted up and over, landing on their knees.

"Katie" Madison said "stick to the plan...you go one way and I'll go another..." she helped her older sister up and touched their foreheads together.  WE HAVE TO GET HELP FOR THE OTHERS.  GOOD LUCK, SIS.  LOVE YOU.

"I love you too" Katie kissed Madison's forehead and ran off in one direction.  Madison wasn't worried about Katie at all-she was a tough woman who knew how to use her abilities to protect herself.

Madison went off in the opposite direction, the alarms from the compound could be heard for miles.  She had to slow down, her loss of blood  getting to her.  She was able to make it to New Orleans when she just couldn't keep moving anymore.  She plopped down next to a dumpster in an alley and drifted off to sleep, her mind opening and sending psychic SOS signals in hopes that someone would be able to hear them.

Filming had wrapped up for the day, and they all were dog tired.  Daniel and Douglas were leading the way to the bar that was next door to where they lived for the duration of filming when Daniel felt a tickle in his head.  He ignored it at first, but soon became more invested when the tickle turned into words.

HELP ME.

He looked around confused, Coleson and Iwan giving him funny looks.  "Did you lose somethin'?" Coleson asked.

"I don't think so..." Daniel said, but as he walked nearer to the source he heard the voice in his head louder.

DANGER.  HELP ME.

He turned into the alley and was surprised to see a young woman covered in dirt and leaves slumped against the wall, her hand wrapped up in a bloody bandage. The others followed him and Douglas exclaimed "Bloody Hell!  Is she alive?!"

Daniel reached down and felt a very weak pulse and without hesitation he lifted her up and said "Yeah, but just barely..." the hospital was a five minute walk, but he made it there in less than three minutes, shouting that he needed help for his friend.  A nurse quickly got her into an operating room, while the recording technician talked to Daniel.

"Sir how is this woman related to you?"

"She's not" he answered "I just found her like that" he suddenly had so much nervous energy that he tapped his foot while sitting.

"So you don't even know her name?"

MADISON L/N.  His head twitched.

"Madison L/N" he said confidently, but surprised at himself.

"Right, and how about her medical history?"

He said all the relevant information as you were subconsciously feeding it to him directly in his mind.  When the tech asked about insurance policies for you, you sent a message to her. 

INSURANCE IS NOT NEEDED.

"Insurance is not needed" the tech repeated out loud, and shook her head.  She suddenly felt tired and excused herself to get a cup of coffee.  He was directed to her room and she had been cleaned up and a proper bandage had been applied to her stump.

"Madison" he brushed her hair from her eyes "How do I know so much about you?"  you couldn't even send a telepathic message to him, the drugs the hospital had given you had completely blocked your ability to reach into people's minds had kicked in, sending you into a dreamless sleep.

Over the next few days, he'd called every few hours or so while he was filming to check on her, and was dismayed when the staff had told him she hadn't woken up yet. They had replaced the blood she lost, and her body naturally helped the healing process.  It was the middle of the next week that she finally woke up, the first person she saw was a rather strapping young man with a stubbly beard.  "Madison?" he asked in a thick Australian accent.

"Yeah" she responded and sat up "Who're you?" she was still groggy from the drugs so she couldn't just pull his name from his memory, not that she wanted to do that anyway.  She used her ability sparingly and when she had to.

"I'm Daniel Webber" he said as he sat himself closer to her "I'm an actor from Australia in New Orleans for a film I'm working on" he put a gentle hand on her good one and asked "How do I know so much about you?  I've never even met you before..."

She contemplated telling him the truth, but it sounded so farfetched that she'd probably end up in the psych ward. and the Ghost Division could easily find and recapture her there.  "You wouldn't believe me if I told you" she looked up at him, those big doe eyes catching him off guard and making his heart skip a beat.  In that same moment, it seemed that he had left his body and was in a totally different scene-he was on a beach and a small gathering of his friends and as he turned to face a person coming up to him, he was back in his body at the hospital.

"Daniel?" she asked "Are you okay?" she was shaking him lightly, him being cold to the touch.

He blinked and color came back to his skin "What the fuck was that?"

"What was what?" she asked him confused "You went catatonic for a full minute there!"

"It felt like an out of body experience" his whole body shook, as if his mind was getting re-acclimated to the physical shell.

Her eyes widened as she said "You're a pre-cog..."  a person with the precognition ability was a very rare sight.  A male pre-cog was rarer still.  These were among the beings that people in ancient times thought of as gods.

"A what?" he asked dumbfounded.

"Erm" she started "We can go into that a different time" you looked up into the hallway and saw two guards from the Compound ask the charge nurse something at the desk.  She could tell they were from the Compound by the caged bird tattoos on their hands.  "We gotta get out of here..." she jumped from the bed and looked them right in the eye.

She grabbed Daniel's hand and bolted from the room, the rest of the patients and staff in a panic when the guards drew their weapons and began firing.  She threw him behind a desk for cover as she tried to reach into their minds and have them shoot each other, but the drugs were still in her system.  "What the Hell is happening, Madison?!" he shouted over the bullets hitting the wall behind them.

"I'm a psychic with telepathic abilities that ra.n away from a government facility and these men are here to take me back" she said quickly, he didn't believe her at the time but accepted the explanation for the time being.  Just then, the elevator pinged, and Douglas, Coleson and Iwan stepped out into the hallway.  They had heard Madison had been showing signs of waking up, so they bought her a bouquet of flowers.  They walked right into a war zone and the vase that Iwan was carrying had dropped to the floor, shattering.

They all ducked for cover, they all demanding an explanation.  She rolled her eyes and relayed what she had just said, them not believing her either but accepting it just like Daniel.  The adrenaline had purged the drugs from her body and she sent a message to each guard simultaneously.

SHOOT EACH OTHER.

The gaurds turned and shot each other in the leg.  Madison went over to one of them and asked "Where's my sister?"

He spat in her face and snarled "I'm not talking!"

She sighed and invaded his thoughts.  He gasped as he felt her pull the memory from his mind.  He didn't know where Katie was, she looked over to the other guard and did the same to him-nobody knew where she was.  She were both relieved and concerned.  She couldn't let the higher command know where she was so she completely wiped their minds, leaving them living vegetables.

The four men stared at you in shocked amazement.  "Time to go" she said as she left the battlefield.  "You could stay if you want, but I'm calling deuces" you turned to run, but Daniel grabbed her arm.

"Please don't run off!" the other three looked at him like he had just committed a murder.

"Since they know I'm in the city, they'll keep coming after me, and that puts you and your loved ones in danger" she took her arm back "I am NOT willing to risk innocent lives..."

"Then please stay with-" he was about to say 'me' but quickly changed it to "us".  The others protested that it was dangerous to let such a person like her live with them, her even joining in.  He pleaded "Please..." he felt like he had to protect her.

They all threw up their hands in defeat and she not so graciously accepted his offer.  She would have to stay cooped up in his room with him.  "So I basically traded one prison for another" she pouted, to which his heart skipped another beat.

"Very well" he sighed contentedly "You can sleep in my bed, while I take the floor..."

"We can share the bed" she said "It must be uncomfortable on the floor" Coleson, Iwan and Douglas giggled while seeing Daniel blush.

"It would be ungentlemanly of me to share a bed with a lady that I'm not in a romantic relationship with..."

She didn't want to displace him from his sleeping area but he was insistant so she reluctantly agreed with "So long as you don't try anything funny..."

A few more peaceful weeks passed, without so much as a word from or about Katie, and Madison was getting worried.  One day after filming, Daniel came into his room and she felt a somber air about him.  "You okay?" she asked, gently touching his shoulder.

"Yeah" he gave a sad smile "Just filmed the Skylar bits today..." she had known about the little girl who had died from various publications, and from what Daniel had told her about the actress portraying her she dominated that role.

"I see" she touched her forehead with his and sent a calming message to him.  YOU DID GOOD, SLEEP NOW.  His eyes grew tired and he laid down on the bed.  She turned to sleep on the floor when he objected.

"Come sleep in the bed with me" he asked her "Just until I get a sound sleep going?" he sounded like a frightened child and in some ways he was.  He had had more visions of the future, and she had slowly been teaching him how to make them stop so they wouldn't interrupt anything important.

She awkwardly cuddled into his arm, her stump brushing the skin on his chest. After a moment of silence he sleepily asked "Hey Mads?"

"Yes?" she answered

"Wanna date me?"

She looked at him "Date?  Like romantically?" she had never had such experience with dating or relationships.  She didn't know the first thing about dating.

"Yea you goof" he laughed "I want to take you out sometime.  Can't keep you locked up here like Rapunzel forever" he closed the gap between them and she could smell his cologne- a smokey wood scent.  She loved it.

"Where do you want to take me?" she asked, but he was softly snoring.  She smiled and kissed his cheek "Sweet dreams, Daniel" she settled into the crook of his arm and fell asleep as well.

Over the next few weeks, she had tried to reach out to Katie, but she got no response still.  Her and Daniel were now officially boyfriend/girlfriend and they were taking things slow.  It was on a Tuesday that Katie showed up from out of nowhere.  "Katie!" she flung her arms around her sister and sent WERE YOU ABLE TO FIND HELP?

"No" Katie replied "I tried the local authorities in Baton Rouge, but they thought I was crazy and locked me up in a mental ward.  Some guards from the Compound came and tried to take me back, but they ended up with various sharp objects in their bodies" she smiled at Madison.

Daniel was excited to meet Madison's sister, she had told him so much about her with so much regard.  "Hello!  I'm Daneil, Mads' boyfriend!"

Katie raised an eyebrow at Madison "Boyfriend?  Has he been treating you well?"

"More than well" she answered "he's a pre-cog" Katie stared at him and had so many questions it wasn't even funny.

"So hearing your voice in his head triggered his ability?" she asked.

"Yes" Daniel answered "Madison's been teaching me how to control it.  She has me imagine a lockbox, and if I keep it closed I can't see what the future holds" he squeezed her hand for reassurance, her returning the gesture.

"So you guys were attacked here too?" Katie asked, not being able to resist the chance to hear the story.  After the story was told, Daniel pulled Katie aside and asked.

"Are they going to keep coming after Madison?  And you?"

"Until they have us back" she answered honestly "or we're dead."

He was almost about to cry at that, he took a moment to collect himself and asked "Is there anything I can do to help you two?"

"Since you're a pre-cog, you can stick close to her and can see an attack before it happens" Katie suggested "Your visions are only POSSIBLE outcomes,  they can be changed" he thought a moment and asked a very important question.

"Hey, ask my sister" Katie smiled at him.

Madison came in their bedroom later that evening, rose petals making a path to the bed.  She giggled, her loving that sensation that she never got to experience as a child.  "Daniel?  What is all this?"

"Mads" he gulped, he was nervous and down on one knee "I've loved you since the first time I heard you in my head...and since I know you better I want to keep you safe...will you be my wife?" he showed a silver band with a diamond on it.  She looked at the thing with awe.

"Are you sure?  I've explained that with me around it'll be dangerous..." he stood up and shushed her with a finger. 

"I know what the dangers are" he softly kissed her, his stubble tickling her "I accept them, just as I accept you and your sister.  I want to keep you safe, and if it means that I have to give my own life to save you...so be it..."

Madison was breath taken, only her sister had shown this much concern when they were growing up.  On more than one occasion, Katie had taken punishments at the Compound for the stupid things  she did.  "Yes, Daniel" she finally said "I'll marry you..."

It was a small beach affair, Katie helping Madison into a bridal gown.  The men managed to get some rental tuxes last minute and they had raided the bar of all their booze.  They had "borrowed" a priest to officiate, despite not having filling out the forms needed to make the marriage legal.  Jeff Tremaine had walked Madison down the aisle, while Katie stayed in the back on alert.  Thankfully nothing out of the ordinary happened.

The vows were said, the rings placed on the fingers and the new Mr. and Mrs. Webber were introduced.  The reception almost everyone got hammered, save for the bride and groom.  Even Katie eased up and was using her telekinesis to make people fly.  The newlyweds stayed sober because they wanted to be able to be in control of their love making later.

When they finally had some alone time, he pulled his new wife into the honeymoon suite of the hotel they booked.  He kissed her gently at first, but grew hungrier with his kisses.  He undid the dress in the back and she let it fall to the ground.  She was totally nude in front of him, this being their first time together.  "Fuck..." he sighed, his erection growing at the mere sight of her.

After their love making they were sticky and glistening with sweat.  They both were panting when he asked "What the fuck was that?"

"What?" she groaned into his clavicle, planting a soft kiss on it.

"I've had sex before, great sex but what we just did I've never felt anything like that before.  It was like I was feeling your pleasure as well as my own..."

She giggled "Sorry, that was me.  I can't control my ability when I can't concentrate.  You made me feel so good, that I just let go" he played with her hair out of affection.

"Does that mean its always going to be like that when we make love?" he looked down at her.

"Only if you want me to" she answered.

"If it brings me closer to you, then I want it like that all the time" he cuddled with her "I love you, Madison" and interlocked his fingers with hers.

"I love you too, Daniel" she returned the feeling.

"What about them trying to take you and Katie?" he turned serious.

"Bring 'em on" she said boldly "We can take 'em" with that they turned out the light and slipped into a peaceful sleep.

[bbclesmis]

Sydney Morning Herald: Lily Collins on outshining dad Phil and her new blockbuster role

Lily Collins is in a good place right now, the best place, perhaps, in her quietly glittering career. The British-American actor, 29, has the sort of resumé – movie star, fashion icon, proper published author – that might make her an object of envy were she not so grounded, so very relatable. But it's her forthcoming, wildly praised role as Fantine, that oh-so-tragic young factory worker, in a six-part BBC adaptation of Victor Hugo's famed 1862 novel, Les Misérables, that looks set to send her stratospheric.

"It's a role I've been preparing for all my life," says Lily, hazel eyes dancing under big, beautiful brows. "I mean, I read the book at school" – that's Harvard-Westlake School in Los Angeles – "but if I had known I was going to play Fantine one day, I would definitely have paid more attention!"

“It’s the things that make you different that end up making you unique.”

She gives a smile. "Fantine drives the story at the beginning and her essence and memory continue throughout the series. To me she represents everlasting hope in times of darkness, no matter what the time period."

There have been several versions of Les Misérables, of course, the most famous being the musical that is still playing on Broadway and in London's West End, and the similarly sung-through 2012 movie starring Hugh Jackman and Russell Crowe, with Anne Hathaway as Fantine.

A sweet-natured grisette (young, working-class Frenchwoman), Fantine's seduction by an older student, the charming cad Felix (Johnny Flynn in the BBC series), results in her falling pregnant and struggling to survive as a single mother. Conned by her child's carers, destitute and desperate, she falls on hard times. Fantine is an iconic character, and one that miniseries director Tom Shankland encouraged Lily to make her own.

"Tom told me to forget every other Les Mis I'd seen and just go back to the writing," says Lily of this song-free version, scripted by Andrew Davies (who wrote the US version of House of Cards) and is delivered in plain-spoken, vowel-dropped English despite the epic backdrop of 19th-century France (or Belgium masquerading as France) at a time of civil unrest.

"We were encouraged to bring a fresh take, to breathe life into a song lyric and make it an episode," she continues in her soft American twang. "Not everybody loves musicals. So where Fantine has a line in one of her songs that mentions her falling in love, now we get to see how it happened."

Lily is here at BAFTA (British Academy of Film and Television Arts) in central London for the premiere of Les Misérables, the cast of which includes David Oyelowo, Dominic West and Olivia Colman. It's raining outside, but Lily – standing reed-slim in an ultra-tight sparkling minidress ("It's going to be tricky for me to sit down") – oozes the sunniness of California, where she has been based since the age of five, having moved there from England following her parents' divorce. The daughter of former Genesis drummer (and later singer) Phil Collins and his American second wife, Jill Tavelman, Lily might easily have fast-tracked her ascent by trading on her surname.

She hasn't, which makes her success all the sweeter. "I am super proud of my dad," she has said of her hit-maker father, who has five children by his three ex-wives (and who recently toured Australia). "But I wanted to do it on my own. People assume it's easier when you have that name but if you're the kind of person who doesn't want to use it, it's a lot harder."

Nevertheless, from her first on-screen appearance, aged two, in a BBC series called Growing Pains, Lily's rise seems to have been remarkably smooth. Performing is in her blood, after all: as a young girl she'd watch old Hollywood films, many featuring her maternal grandmother Jane Hale, a ballerina and actress, then dress up to mimic her favourite characters.

She attended the Youth Academy of Dramatic Arts in Los Angeles, taking part in musical theatre productions. She was also a teen columnist for UK magazine Elle Girl, and a socialite whose alabaster beauty caught the eye of Chanel, which dressed her in a gown for a debutante ball that featured in the reality TV show The Hills.

By 2008, Lily was in demand as a model and brand ambassador (she is currently the face of French beauty brand Lancôme) and making a name as a red-carpet correspondent and children's TV presenter. A year later, she featured as a minor character in the American teen drama series 90210 and made her film debut as Sandra Bullock's daughter in the Oscar-nominated The Blind Side.

The scripts started tumbling in, and Lily dropped out of studying broadcast journalism to take supporting roles in an action film and a thriller. In 2012, she starred in Mirror Mirror as a sword-wielding Snow White opposite Julia Roberts' evil queen.

"So Fantine is not the first time I've played a literary character with opinions," grins Lily, who lobbied for a second audition for Snow White after being unhappy with her first try-out, duly clinching the part.

"I wanted to do it on my own. People assume it's easier when you have that name but if you're the kind of person who doesn't want to use it, it's a lot harder."

There's also been sci-fi (The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones), throwback romantic-comedy drama (Warren Beatty's Rules Don't Apply, which got her a Golden Globe nomination), and the CGI-enhanced Okja, in which she played a young animal activist intent on saving her best (four-legged) friend.

And there was a lead role in the controversial anorexia drama To the Bone. It divided critics but Lily has insisted that it helped her understand her own teenage battle with eating disorders, which she detailed in her 2017 memoir, Unfiltered: No Shame, No Regrets, Just Me.

"It's very rare you get the opportunity to wear shoes you once wore with a different perspective on things," she told Vanity Fair. "This was an amazing opportunity to gain knowledge, and helped me let go a lot."

As did the writing of Unfiltered. Divulging personal information in print is one thing. Doing so when you have a famous dad and 13 million Instagram followers is another. Lily – who wrote every word herself – says she found the process liberating.

"I decided to write the book because I kept reading what people were posting on social media and thinking, 'You're so brave,' " she says. "It was a really difficult thing for me to do, but the feedback I got made it way more rewarding than I expected."

Boyfriends' names were changed in an essay on dating (if rumoured exes Zac Efron and Chris Evans are in there, she's not saying). Silliness is praised as attractive; those eyebrows, which she plucked to thin lines at school, are reclaimed and championed in all their bushy glory. And in an open letter to her father, Lily tells the 67-year-old that she "forgives" him for "not being the dad I expected", and notes the impact that her parents' famously messy divorce had on her teenage years: "I accept and honour the sadness and anger I felt towards the things you did or didn't do," she writes.

Today she'd prefer not to discuss specifics, though offers You'll Be in My Heart from the 1999 Disney animated film Tarzan when asked to choose her favourite Phil Collins song: "He wrote it as a lullaby to me as a kid," she says, re-routing the conversation to Unfiltered and the main reason she set fingers to laptop: to make young people feel less alone. The sentiment dovetails with Lily's advocacy work for charities including Bystander Revolution, an anti-bullying organisation, and the GO Campaign, which raises funds for orphans and vulnerable children.

"Open communication with teenagers is something I'm very passionate about," she says. "Speaking about insecurities and being honest about what you are going through is vital. One young woman asked me, 'But what if you know you're born different, if your quirks and interests aren't the norm? When you're a green apple when everyone else is a red one?'

"I said, 'Well, I've always loved green apples! It's the things that make you different that end up making you unique.' " She pauses for a beat. "So many kids have these deep, thoughtful questions. It doesn't matter what political, religious, sexual-orientation background you come from, we all go through the same insecurities and realising this fact is the beauty of communications."

"It's very rare you get the opportunity to wear shoes you once wore with a different perspective on things"

Additionally, by setting her own example – by putting it all out there in Unfiltered – Lily was able to let go of personal baggage, which in turn allowed her to go deeper into her characters. Forthcoming appearances include two extremes: Edith Bratt, beloved wife and muse of English writer J.R.R. Tolkien, author of The Lord of the Rings, in the biopic Tolkien, and Liz Kendall, longtime girlfriend of infamous American serial killer Ted Bundy in Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile.

"I'd just finished filming that when I jumped on a plane and flew to Brussels in winter to start Les Mis," says Lily. "My state of mind was already very dark, so when I found we were working backwards, that the end of Fantine's life was being filmed on day two of shooting, I used this weird head space to help me lean into her character."

Lily portrays Fantine, a fallen woman who sells her hair, then her teeth, then her body to earn money for her daughter, with a deft mix of steeliness, sassiness and grace. Much of the filming took place in sub-zero conditions; one memorable scene sees a shivering Fantine being physically hurled across cobblestones by police inspector Javert: "David [Oyelowo] got a bit carried away, and there were real bruises afterwards," says Lily with a grimace. "I thought, 'Well she's physically in pain, let's keep going.'

"I've never shot anything out of sequence like that but I'm so grateful because when we returned in the summer, knowing where we ended up, I got to amp up the romance. I wanted people to empathise with her as much as possible."

She flashes a smile. "Empathy," she says, "is everything."

Les Misérables premieres on BBC First on Foxtel and Fetch from March 10 at 8.30pm.

This article appears in Sunday Life magazine within the Sun-Herald and the Sunday Age on sale February 17.

https://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/celebrity/lily-collins-on-outshining-dad-phil-and-her-new-blockbuster-role-20190213-p50xf1.html

[not-poignant]

hiya!! apologies if you've been asked this before but do you think you'd be Seelie or Unseelie? I was also wondering how you make each of the characters (I'm thinking particularly Ash, Augus, gulvi and the Nain Rouge) speech patterns so wonderfully distinct? like do you make notes of common words? I always struggle with this in my stories. also, after I've been reading TCOFT or GT I find myself thinking "La!" and "darling!" like Gulvi lol. anyway thanks, all the love :)))

I’m gonna respond to this publically because of the dialogue thing! :D

I think I’d be...oh god, I don’t know. Maybe Seelie? Maybe Unseelie? That’s not very helpful is it. Can I just be a trow?

*

I was also wondering how you make each of the characters (I'm thinking particularly Ash, Augus, gulvi and the Nain Rouge) speech patterns so wonderfully distinct? like do you make notes of common words?

Okay, so I thought I’d written about this in the past, but I’ve only written about dialogue distinction in terms of fanfiction.

Here is my theory on dialogue and my technique of using cheat sheets.

And here is what my cheat sheets look like.

Now obviously with original fiction, you don’t have the benefit of watching a whole bunch of stuff and writing down observations and dialogue quirks, you have to come up with them.

So, constructing dialogue. There are some key things when constructing characters from scratch - or I guess questions you can ask yourself - to help begin to narrow things down:

- Where are they from? Do they have an accent? - Have they travelled? - Are they an X-ophile? Gulvi is a Francophile, her affectations aren’t because she’s French, but because she stayed with a French family and picked up some things that other French people might be like ‘really??? e.e’ Japanophiles and Anglophiles etc. can be the same.- Are they a formal or informal character? (other questions lead into this: what is their class? Do they like to give certain first impressions? Do they not give a shit what other people think of them? What is their age? What is their environment?) - Try and think of how they might sound in a doctor’s appointment when they’re worried, vs. how they sound with friends, vs. how they sound in a job interview. Is it the same? Would it change? 

Okay so from there you get general ballparks:

Gwyn: Formal education, high Court family, Welsh background. Lost his accent due to it falling out of favour. Formal speaking, but time in the military has made him less formal than someone like Augus. Can be unexpectedly coarse (see: time in the military).

Augus: Welsh background leads to a more musical and soft-spoken, lilting accent. Late formal education, and a Courtier’s education in the Raven Prince’s Court. He is used to using sarcasm and wit, and false politeness, along with things like ‘darling.’

Gulvi: Latvian, a punk, sitting in a sort of very informal ‘formal’ accent where she can get along with Courtiers (hence also the ‘darling’) but where she will also swear a lot. Can and does speak in multiple languages. Will swear to make an impact.

Ash: Spends time in human world. Informal. Blasphemer (areligious) and swears a great deal, due to mostly hanging out with the lowest classes around the world. Loves Australia and the US, therefore has a US-Australian accent, has lost all Welsh.

Okay, but that still doesn’t really give you specific quirks? That’s when you get to narrow down. Some of that you’ll learn as you go. There have always been small but consistent habits across the characters.

Gwyn says ‘okay’ but Augus says ‘all right.’ Augus says ‘careful’ and ‘easy’ and uses endearments, but Gwyn is more likely to say ‘it’s okay’ or borrow endearments from others if he uses them at all. Gwyn is more likely to speak in short sentences, and doesn’t care for fancy language unless it’s in very specific circumstances. He is a ‘straight’ talker, he likes to get to the point. Augus can be more circuitous.

Augus also does this a lot: ‘Look at you’ ‘look at that’ ‘oh that’s very nice’ etc. He observes. That’s most noticeable during a scene, but he does it a lot.

Gulvi has her obvious quirks, but there are less obvious ones too. She generally doesn’t like to let conversations go by without insulting someone at least once, lol.

OKAY SO what to do with that? Get your character file open (do you have a character file? It might help!) and put in a section that says:

Dialogue: (or in my case, it says Speech Patterns:)

And start compiling your notes. First the general answers to the above questions, and then you can narrow things down a bit more. Gulvi’s looks like this:

Gulvi Speech Patterns

Gulvi has speech affectations that turn her formalCourt-speak (which she learned during the Raven Prince’s Court) into somethingdecorated with the occasional French exclamation. She picked this up out ofhero-worship / respect for the matriarch / lady of the house that she wasprotecting. She is actually an accomplished multi-linguist.

Her voice is rich and fulsome. She will sometimes ‘purr’ herspeech in the back of her throat, usually while smiling or smirking. Her speechpatterns can be quite ‘Crielle’ like.

(Here is where I put specific things when I just need to make the characters sound more themselves at a glance - you will not know all of these before you start writing, some of them you will learn as you go).

DarlingsNo?Yes?Dear meOui!Quoi!La!LovelyWell!Ah, no!You mustIt is so

Fenwrel’s notes on the other hand are short, but distinct: 

“Her voice is well-modulated, though she can haveconfrontational manners of speaking quite quickly.  She has a tendency to repeat questions. I.e. ‘Why?’ ‘Why?Because I said so.’ Or, ‘How?’ ‘How? We’re going to do it this way.’”

The Raven Prince’s are a lot more specific, because he is his voice, in a lot of ways:

The Raven Prince’s voice – despite possessing fantasticdiction – betrays his raven form. He can laugh softly or harshly. He can shoutloudly and raucously, or be very well-spoken. He modulates his voice accordingto circumstance. He has a bold laugh when amused.

Due to having a constantly busy mind, the Raven Prince –amongst comfortable company – will sometimes appear to be in the middle of aconversation that no one else is a part of. He will often start conversationswithout context, moving on tangents that seem unrelated. However, he reins thishabit in within the Court, knowing that people prefer more logically flowingsituation.

He has been trained to speak as a Courtier, and follows manyof their patterns of speaking:

‘By what name…’‘Did he not?’‘Perhaps’ (instead of ‘Maybe’)‘Yes’ (instead of ‘Okay’ or ‘All right’)‘You are dismissed.’‘Stop.’ ‘Cease.’‘I was given to understand...’

Asks a great deal of questions, and is not particularlytalkative (which is in sharp contrast to how he was in his early years). Isdeeply manipulative in conversation. He is capable of very brutal, cruelinsult. He is not likely to use a great deal of contractions, and oftendescribes how he feels about something using terms relating to nature, or hisraven form (i.e. ‘it feels like the sun warming my feathers.’)

*

Obviously you don’t need much. The speech patterns section is great for editing. If your characters aren’t feeling distinctive, that’s when you go back and take a quick look and notice if you’re actually adhering to your own notes.

It’s really easy for most authors to eventually just have characters speak in their own voice, or a samey voice. I used to do it with Augus a lot and would go back every time and edit his dialogue to fit Augus better as my final edit. And I’ve actually gone back into GT and COFT since and altered things that I felt weren’t quite in dialogue character.

So first of all, don’t worry if dialogue is challenging right now, it is for a lot of people. Some of the best writers I know still have issues distinguishing their characters in dialogue.

Read the cheat sheet posts above, and one thing you can do is start watching your favourite movies and pretend to write cheat sheets for the characters. What are their dialogue quirks? If the show/movie is well-written, they should have a bunch. Most characters in TV shows have a whole dialogue section in the TV Bible for each character, so new screenwriters can see how to make that character feel like the character.

But if you don’t have time for that, you can start a cheat sheet for yourself, for your OCs. The actual individual bits and pieces, like the ‘okay’ vs. ‘all right’ and stuff you may not plan for. That came as I went, as I wrote. And then I realised it was distinct, and coded it into the bible of Gwyn and Augus in the FT universe.

I actually have no ‘speech patterns’ written out for Eran and Mosk, because I didn’t know the exact nature of their voices until I started writing them. And now it would look something like this:

Mosk:

Relatively informal despite his formal upbringing, due to living in forest with a lot of siblings. Generally reluctant to speak, and prefers to only respond when spoken to, if at all. Voice can be easily mocking and cruel, or numb and dead. When relaxed and healthy, his voice is quiet and reserved, with moments of being earnest. Will use liberal swearing and insult, and often talks in flat statements ‘your parents are dead’ or open ended questions. Very rarely takes charge of a conversation, and very rarely says any version of yes or yeah. Frequently says ‘I don’t know’ even when he does know something. A lot of ‘I don’t’ statements: I don’t know, I don’t care, I don’t like, I don’t want. ‘Maybe’ instead of ‘perhaps.’

Avoids expressions of gratitude, apology and more. Therefore does not seem polite.

Eran:

Formal way of speaking, determined and active speaker. Will start dialogue, and knows formal rules of interacting with fae strangers, but will lose temper quickly and then begin to yell or escalate. Often says ‘right’ as confirmation. Is very assertive. Will be bold in saying ‘I liked that’ or ‘I didn’t like that.’ Tries to be a clear communicator.

If asked something that he can help with, is enthusiastic in response: ‘Yes! Of course!’ A strong voice with good projection, but also very good at expressing empathy.

***

So how would all this look in action? Let’s say you have a piece of generic dialogue that Eran and Mosk are saying, and it goes like this:

Eran: I want to go over there Mosk: Okay Eran: Are you all right? Mosk: I guess...can I have some sap? Eran: Okay.

That’s communicating something, but it’s not very distinctive at all. If I were to go through my notes, I’d end up with something more like this:

Eran: We’re going over here. (assertive / determined statement)Mosk: I don’t care (consistent with Mosk’s general reservation / aloofness)Eran: Are you feeling okay? (empathy, changing to ‘okay’ because it’s consistent for Eran in general)Mosk: I don’t know. (consistent with his ‘I don’t’ statements)Eran: ...Mosk: Do you have any sap? Eran: Yes! Of course! (consistent with his being able to answer a question positively) I’ll get some for you right now, do you want cherry? Or something else? I got a selection. Mosk: I don’t care (still aloof)Eran: I’ll pick something for you. Tell me if you don’t like it. (Clear communicator, giving opportunities for Mosk to also be clearer).

Mosk is a tough character in dialogue because he often shuts things down, which is why Eran opens things up. But anyway, that’s a story for another day.

Both sections of dialogue communicate clearly what is going on. They’re going somewhere. Mosk is hungry, and Eran has the food. But in one, it doesn’t matter who is saying what, the words could be said by anyone at all. In the second, you get a clearer sense of their characters. Better yet, you actually get more from the conversation. Them being in character with their dialogue creates more conflict, more chemistry, and expands the time they can connect meaningfully.

As the story continues, I will have more specific notes. Mosk’s and Eran’s voices are actually less developed than Gwyn’s and Augus’ because they are young, and their voices are still developing. Watch this space for Eran and Mosk to potentially pick up some communication quirks from Gwyn and Augus, since I was prepared for that.

tl;dr - Yes, I do notes of specific words and also one or two paragraphs of general tone. I go back and edit character voices if I feel they’re not quite on point. Some character voices will be a lot easier than others, depending on how close they are to your way of speaking.

[eurosong]

Undo my ESC - semi-final 2

Hey there, folks. Last week, I published the first part of “Undo my ESC”, a look at semi-final 1 where I took the entrants and made óne change, either minor or drastic, to make the competition better in my eyes. I didn’t need to take out my time-travelling tippex too much for the generally stellar first semi-final, but semi-final 2 is a different kettle of fish altogether. There are a few songs I don’t want to change at all but must, but a lot of songs could do with changing. As always, this is just mý take on things and written light-heartedly. (Some people always unfollow the few times I publish entries relating to my opinion - to those folks, I say, skip the read.)

Norway – We could scarcely get off to a worse start for my tastes, as this unwelcome return is a composite of so many elements that make me cringe – the music, which sounds like a jingle for a new version of Supermarket Sweep; the painfully ironic title “That’s how you write a song”; the lyrics which are nigh beyond parody for their triteness; the cheesier-than-feta visuals and choreögraphy. Nothing really lit up my world in this year’s MGP, but I would have preferred the runner-up, the new Wallmann song or even (for the sake of a guaranteed belly laugh in the final) Scandilove over this abomination.

Romania – From a song being hotly tipped to one, in the death spot, which many people assume will lead to the end of Romania’s qualification streak. Personally, I increasingly enjoy this unloved song quite a lot. It has a personal poignancy and resonance with me, reminding me of conversations with friends lost to suicide or prolonged self-destruction, trying to reach out and help them see the beautiful things in this world. There’s not much I’d change – but since Voltaj were able to do well with a bilingual version, inserting some Romanian would be my little alteration.

Serbia – I was so excited to see the return of Beovizija, and it didn’t disappoint, with a very varied show including wild dances, poignant ballads and the funkiest jazz-rap I’ve heard since Digable Planets, and áll in Serbian. As is often my jinx, most of my support went to the eventual runner up, Pesma za tebe, a gorgeous bit of Balkan blues which I prefer a lot more than the Zajdi zajdi ripoff colliding with a dance mix that ended up besting it. I would send the flawless Saška Janks instead.

San Marino – Trust San Marino to veer into the world of national finals for a bit of credibility, only to make the selection process as risible as possible. I see some value in Who we are, because the combination of its rip-off of Heroes’ chorus, the robots, the dramatic with a capital D hand gestures and the rap make me laugh hysterically. But there were far better songs – Out of the twilight being very reasonably the fans’ favourite, but a bit by the numbers for me. I actually would give the nod to IROL. People say that San Marino doesn’t have enough performers to be competitive but 8 Sammarinese artists signed up to 1in360 and they eliminated all but him. Rap turns off a lot of Eurofans almost automatically, but it would have been heart-warming for a local artist to win such a mercenary NF system.

Denmark – I suppose, if for nothing else, Denmark deserve some props for consistency. How can a country that brought us such mould-busting entries as Disco-Tango, Fra Mols til Skagen and Dansevise be so consistently bland for several years? I don’t dislike Higher Ground, but it feels like an empty attempt to create a tune for a soundtrack for a hokey straight-to-video movie. I’d improve it by translating it into Old Norse.

Russia – On the one hand, I’m glad Russia stuck to their promise to Julia to bring her back for 2018. On the other hand, I disliked Flame is burning, and hate I won’t break even more (except for the hilarious “becoming a mountain” scene at the end of the music video) and so, if I had the liberty, would go back to 2017 and avoid the provocative gambit that led to her having been selected. If not, I would simply give her a song to sing in Russian as she seems rather more confident with her mother tongue.

Moldova – My word, talk about picking one of the worst songs out of a generally terrible selection. Moldova’s song this year is an infernal throwback to the darkest days of the contest. Its dirty trumpet riff pulsates like a bad headache as the most awkward ménage-à-trois partners this side of the Volga plough their way through some bizarre lyrics. I don’t want to subject myself to listening to the Melodie pentru Europa finalists again, but I’m sure I remember there being something better…

Netherlands – It says something about both this year and the artistry of Waylon that even one of my lesser favoured tracks amongst those he presented for consideration is amongst my top anyway. I’ve come to love Outlaw in ‘em as one of the few upbeat tracks that make me want to dance rather than make me deeply irritated, and I love the lyrical message of everyone finding the strength to be their own person and stand up for themselves. However, I lóve the melancholy and yet equally rousing Thanks but no thanks even more and would have picked it for ESC.

Australia – Four years after their supposedly one-off participation in the contest, and a year after they were sent into the final by the juries despite rightfully getting slated by the public vote, Australia are still here, somehow. There was word of them organising a national final, which could indeed have been an interesting show. Instead, they’ve gone with something so bland that it is nigh offensive, crowned by lyrics that are merely a string of platitudes. When Australia have such a rich musical scene, it’s a crying shame to send something so generic.

Georgia – I’m delighted that Georgia is sending its first song fully in their language, thus overshadowing the couple of lines in Georgian at the start of the hideous I’m a joker several years ago. It’s very authentic and showcases both beautiful vocals and great musicianship. My one worry is that it may seem a bit one-note to some people and fail to qualify – I might try to make a bit more contrast between the verses and chorus.

Poland – A cut-price Alexander Wallman with his cringey uncle behind him throwing shapes whilst pretending to mix, to the musical backdrop that sounds like a knockout coke advert jingle. Not really a recipe for success in my eyes, but somehow this won the Polish national contest. This is background music at best, like much of the songs in Krajowe Eliminacje this year. The only one that didn’t just bleed into those surrounding it for me was Ifi Ude’s Love is stronger; not typically my cup of tea, but a very striking composition and, in my eyes, the most likely of the entire selection to stand out.

Malta – Whilst Denmark provide a heady dose of beigeness from the north, Malta compete with them in the generic national selections stakes from the south. And how can a country where English is spoken natively alongside Maltese consistently come to the contest with criminally, almost laughably bad lyrics, like that of the winner, Taboo? I’d pick Song for dad over it – at least its lyrics were simple but earnest.

Hungary – I’ve come to really enjoy Viszlát nyár, the raw and emotional lyrics and performance and the big personalities of the lads in AWS, especially Aron and Soma trolling Wiwibloggs a few days ago! I do think there were potentially better picks, though – notably Azt mondtad and, for something also on the heavier side, Nem szól harang.

Latvia – This is a hard one. I really do love the sultry yet pensive Funny Girl and can see why Latvia were wowed by Laura’s convincing performance. It is one of my favourites this year – but I must admit to loving Madara’s Esamība even more for its delightfully ethereal feeling that never fails to send shivers down my spine.

Sweden – It’s long become a tradition for me to see a song or songs in Melodifestivalen that I wóúld have considered in my top 10 had it won, but instead it loses to something completely odious for me. Even in this pretty poor year, there were a few songs I think were a lot more interesting, like Dotter’s “Cry”, the woefully undervalued veteran Kikki’s “Osby Tennessee”, but I think my change would be for the runner up to take the winner’s place. Felix Sandman’s poignant Every single day has outperformed the ungodly Bieber-Timberlake hybrid that spawned Dance you off in the Swedish music charts, and I truly do thing it was a case of the better song being bested by the flashier show.

Montenegro – Inje was by far the best of Crna Gora’s short but sweet national selection, and I am over the moon that the country is returning to what has best served it at Eurovision and bringing back the Balkan ballad style that recent years have been sadly bereft of. There is really little I would change, but I’d want to ensure an eye-catching presentation that brings the story of the song to life as well as the music video did.

Slovenia – My initial reaction to Slovenia’s song was “hvala ne” (no thanks.) I found it really obnoxious on first (and second, third, etc) listen – I am really no fan of songs that have no real chorus. Over time, I’ve come to enjoy it as something rather different to the field, but I still would send the stirring V nebo instead.

Ukraine – I know Mélovin has many fans, but his song does little for me. It’s a low-key attempt at an anthemic song that doesn’t really get off the ground for me. That is not helped by the fact that you can (and we have!) asked a few dozen people to listen to it and because of his alien pronunciation, get a few dozen different “interpretations” of the original Mélovinese lyrics. The funky, soulful, playful, melancholy and yet still upbeat Lelja getting pipped to the selection was one of the biggest robberies of the entire year for me!

And the automatic qualifiers in this round:

France – I really do like “Mercy”. Great storytelling, musically very well produced and “Madame” has a lovely voice. The quality of France’s return to national finals, though, was such that it was not my favourite. I think the even more French flavoured efforts that were the heartbreaking, spellbinding, classic Tu me manques and Lisboa, Jerusalem were even better picks. I also loved the almost psychedelic feel of Ciao. Keep this standard up next year, mes amis !

Germany – Well done to Germany for jettisoning the absolutely torturous national final procedure they had last year, where they eliminated two people off the basis off completely unrelated covers and then we heard the same two songs performed over and over again for the rest of the night by 3 people. However, there was not a great leap in terms of quality to match. I preferred “You and I”, but Michael Schulte’s was probably the best song on the night. I fear could be easily forgettable amongst 25 other songs. My change would be to try to make the choruses a little more dynamic.

Italy – Italy hardly ever put a foot out of step at this contest, and that’s in part thanks to the grand tradition that is San Remo, which has even more prestige than ESC itself in the country. There were dozens of great songs in San Remo, but Non mi avete fatto niente, an effecting song with a very strong message, was one of the best for me. My only worry is that the frenetic, breathless pace seems to alienate some listeners – if I had to make a change (as is the premise with this conceit), I may cut one or two repetitions of the chorus and slow down the thunderous, impactful but perhaps sometimes alienating delivery of words just a tad. So those were my thoughts on how I’d change this year’s ESC if I had to make one change. I’m intrigued at what other folks would come up with in this scenario, too!

[reporting-media-crystal]

Task 1: Part A & Part B

A) Choose two articles:

https://news.sky.com/story/harry-and-meghans-interview-how-much-damage-have-the-couples-claims-done-to-the-royal-family-12243949

https://news.sky.com/story/how-likely-is-it-for-women-to-be-killed-in-a-public-place-12242870

B1) Sky News

Narrative Construction

The narrative construction starts with the headline claiming ‘How much damage have the couple’s claims done to the Royal Family” and then as a sub-headline mentions that a palace insider states “that the hype is often bigger than the event but they had no idea what was coming’.

It starts with a statement that she got from a source of the senior palace. That the “circus” has been running for nearly three weeks.

Starting off with the lead [Explaining the Who, the What, the When, the Where, the Why and How]

The article talks about the recent interview with Oprah Winfrey that happened on the 7th of March, 2021. It includes the conflict between the Sussexes and the Royals, on what it has done to the Royal Family. It explains the interview in further depth with hyperlinks “The Interview” “Harry” (all news) and “Meghan” (all news). Speaking about Meghan describing having suicidal thoughts and mentioning of a racist comment that was spoken in the interview regarding the colour of unborn baby Archie’s (child of Harry and Meghan) skin.

Another quote from a palace insider stating that “The hype is often bigger than the event” and it would take something extreme for the rest of the Royal Family to comment. Which that was the case, they were exposed to as “uncaring, unsupportive, and even racist”. Then keeps on explaining how the interview affected the royals.

A quote from the Royal Family is mentioned that “The issues raised, particularly that of race, are concerning. Whilst same recollections may vary, they are taken very seriously and will be addressed by the family privately” – The Royal Family.

Continuing with the body (the crucial information) - which continues to discuss the racist comment which also includes another hyper-link that prince William was “quick to shoot down those claims”. Then she continues to talk about, how the racist comment affected the royals and a quote from another source that has supported the royals and their charity work for many years has added: “They told me the claims hit them very hard……”

They continue to talk about the Royal Family’s role in promoting equality, diversity and mental health.

Now discussing Harry and Meghan’s life and how “most of us couldn’t start to imagine what it was like for Harry and Meghan living that life (the privilege, nor the spotlight)”. The article also includes other sources like Nelson Mandela’s granddaughter Ndileka Mandela talking about her encounters with Meghan and Harry in Africa (2019).

Later the article talks about how Meghan and Harry were aware of before getting married and wrote; which leads to the question ‘whether Meghan really was so naive and vulnerable’.

The article then discusses the revelations that just kept coming when Harry and Meghan spoke to Oprah Winfrey. Another quote from one palace insider: ’The war has stopped so it’s probably best to stop bombing’. Information from former member of staff said ‘that it is sometimes impossible not to get dragged into misunderstandings between different family members and their offices.

A quote was then added from Omid Scobie (author of Finding Freedom) “What they do want is the opportunity to control the narrative around their own lives and, given we’ve spent the past three or four years talking about them, I think it’s fair to let them have a couple of hours”. Talking about what the Sussexes want.

Then the article mentions that “the couple were careful not to criticise the queen but inevitably Harry has put his grandmother in a very difficult position” (Mills, 2021). We get information from another source this time it is Adwoa Aboah (model and activist) who worked with the royals on their mental health campaign and she explains that “the way Americans and English people present themselves is very different. The way they emote.” (Aboah, 2021).

Ending the body - with information if Meghan and Harry want a totally private life or more control over their public life.

The Tail – Update on their life and a quote from John Hornby (chairman of Sentebale, the aids/HIV charity which was set up by Prince Harry in Lesotho, Africa)

“The reality is they are probably still one of the most famous couples in the world.”

"So I don't think leaving the UK or the UK media is going to change that.

"The world's media are fascinated by this couple and so is the world of social media, so you can never really walk away from these things.

"But I would say that he feels he has taken a step back."

Mr Hornby added: "I think that's actually when you see Harry at his happiest - when he is, for example, in a country like Lesotho, when he's working with a charity where most of the people aren't thinking about him in his role as a prince but more as somebody who is rolling their sleeves up and getting involved in the projects we're doing."

Treatment

o   I think this was first going to be treated as an informative or entertainment (because of their prominence also) news; but as the interview came out, and when comments about racism and inequality were raised, this story become hard news. Which was spread quickly.

o   Sky News have minimal bias and hardly make use of loaded words (wording that tries to influence the audience by emotionally blackmailing or stereotypes). Their reporting is accurate and normally sourced.

o   The article was supportive on both the Royal Family and the Sussexes.

o   From researching on Sky News, I doubt that they would have a hidden agenda because there is no biased involved. It is simply an article talking about the impact of the interview of Prince Harry and Meghan with Oprah Winfrey.

o   The footage came from Sky News, they also had their own interviews with sources.

Quality and depth of subject matter

Since the outcome of this interview is important and troublesome for the UK, I think it has been dealt with in a professional and informative matter.

The quality was excellent we got clips from the interview, various sources which shows evidence, lots of hyper-links to fully understand the story too. The subject matter was done properly with the right tone due to neither upset the Royal Family nor the Sussexes.

Sky News is very reliable when it comes to their authenticity, they conduct their own personal interviews and research.

The role of the presenter/interviewer

The role of the presenter in this story is Rhiannon Mills who is doing the voice-over in this interview and explaining the issue. I can tell that when she is talking about both the Royals and the Sussexes her voice is completely monotonous, which shows that she is not siding with anyone.

Rhiannon Mills works for Sky News as a royal correspondent and delivers exclusive stories and breaking news on all the members of the Royal Family. Her interviews are known worldwide, with interviews with both Prince Harry and Prince William. “Rhiannon has travelled widely with the royals, covering tours to Japan, Africa, Nepal, India, Bhutan, Pakistan, the Middle East, New Zealand and Australia among other” (Sky News, n.d.)

The interviewee as a character in the story

The main interviewee: The Duke and Duchess of Sussex and The Royals

In this story it shows what Meghan and Harry have gone through, good and bad. In this story some people agree with them and others not. It also shows how their interview with Oprah Winfrey has impacted the Royal Family in a damaging way.

In order to not only mention the Royal Family as “racist” nor the villains in this news story, they provided interviews of theirs where they show equality in their work.

Other sources: Provided information regarding the Duke and Duchess of Sussex and how they feel regarding the whole situation.

Technical Elements [mise-en-scene (if any); camerawork; use of sound and/or music; editing]

Colour correction – I think there was some orange hint to the feature. It looks much more pleasing to the eye with a bit of tint.

Different shots – different shots like close up of interviewee’s faces, shots of hands (to show fidgeting). These shots show the emotion of the interviewees.

The reports’ cultural context

This article is mostly targeted towards the UK, since they are the Royals. However, the Royals have always been a prime topic worldwide, discussed in news features and people love to hear about their gossip and make up their own theories. Also, Meghan is American, so for some Americans this might also be important news for them.

This interview of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle with Oprah Winfrey was much for the audience’s interest especially since the previews showed prince Harry saying that his biggest fear was “history repeating itself” which audience speculated that it this is a metaphor regarding Harry’s late mother, Princess Diana. Which various people from the UK and other countries still adore the late Princess Diana till this day.

The intentions of the presenter’s telling of the story

I think the intention of Sky’s Rhiannon Mills was providing fact and there was not an agenda nor biased. As I mentioned earlier her voice is both monotonous when speaking about both Duchesses of Sussex and the Royal Family meaning that she was clearly not siding with anyone.

 B2) Sky News

Narrative Construction

The article starts with the lead – Mentioning the disappearance and murder of Sarah Everard that happened on the third of March after she visited a friend in London, Clapham and the impact it has made throughout the UK and also worldwide, it has increased fear amid women for their safety.

Also quoting from Met Police Commissioner Dame Cressida Dick, while acknowledging women would be concerned, tried to allay fears as she said "it is thankfully incredibly rare for a woman to be abducted from our streets".

*Video* - This feature shows us the statistics and crimes that has happened to both men and women. Explaining to the viewers how a serial killer reacts, showing crime scenes, photos and an interview of a man who had lost his wife and step-daughter.

Now discussing the body - In the article it shows the statistics of women that were killed in England and Whales between April 2019 and March 2020.

Then continuing that “Women are more likely to be killed at home by somebody they know”.

And that 77 percent of the women that were killed in these statistics were all in residential properties. 

“Men, are more likely to be killed in a public place.”

And how “Women are more likely to be killed by their partners or ex-partners”

The tail – To conclude the article, it talks about violence against women from former senior Colin Sutton, who is investigating the officer for the Metropolitan police murder squad had previously stated to Sky News: "There are very few, thankfully, men who commit violence against women in the street, in public places.

"When they do arise, when they're arrested and looked at it's found that not only do they use violence against women in the street but they'll also use violence in the home against their partner."

Treatment

This article was treated as an informative article, to inform the viewers how important it is to increase the awareness on the safety of women in the UK.

It shows the statistics of how women and men are killed and explains how some murderers feel after they killed someone or before it happened.

The agenda is definitely an open one explaining the likeliness of a woman to be killed in a public place and going further into detail about murder of women and men, there would be no hidden agenda in this type of article.

Quality and depth of subject matter

The quality of this article was excellent, the video is highly interesting and includes a number of sources and crime scenes in detail. The depth of the subject matter was dealt with appropriately, it is clear and concise. 

Showing graphs to determine the difference between women and men getting murdered while also explaining the psychological aspect of a murderer. Sky News is very reliable when it comes to their authenticity, they conduct their own personal interviews and research.

The role of the presenter/interviewer

Presenter – voice over (Liv Moloney) Liv Moloney is a senior digital producer who works with Sky News.

The presenter’s tone of voice sounds serious which is appropriate for the video.

She describes the details in depth and presents evidence to back up the information.

The interviewee as a character in the story (analyse how they talk)

Interviewee 1: Detective – Colin Sutton

The role of former murder detective Colin Sutton is to inform the audience about the demographics of murders of men and women in the UK.

He talks about his previous criminal cases on how they happen spontaneously, the use of overkilling and how it starts.

Interviewee 2: Julia Shaw – Criminal Psychologist

Her role is to make the viewers to understand the psychological part of murder and murderers.

She talks about why men murder their partners.

She mentions how “we overly rely on cues of things like attractiveness” and “being more likely to trust someone because they’re attractive and less likely to trust someone because they’re unattractive” (Shaw, 2021)

She talks about the reasons for men being violent and how we tolerate the expression of violence in men more than we do in women.

She also mentions how murder “is this thing that we assume we’re not capable of until it happens” and “how we see ourselves as good people” (Shaw, 2021).

She talked about the importance of how emotions such as anger, jealousy, greed and rage can all leads us into a situation where she thinks that everyone is potentially capable of murder and how it is not an external thing.

Technical Elements [mise-en-scene (if any); camerawork; use of sound and/or music; editing]

This video shows elements of a thriller documentary about murder, including intense thriller music, creepy text, images and videos behind scenes of murders. Also including images and clips of serial killers such as (Ted Bundy and Jack the Ripper)

It also changes the music to a more compassionate song, when there is interview shown with a man who had lost his wife and step-daughter because the step-daughters ex-partner murdered them.

The reports’ cultural context

Recently, there has been a lot of talk about the murder of Sarah Everard, who was killed by a serving Met police officer Wayne Couzens in the UK. This has been spread quickly and there have been posts on social media about how unfair it is that a woman cannot even walk alone in a public place.

How we as women have grown up having to learn about defending ourselves against men. Therefore, in cultural aspects this has been shared worldwide and has definitely brought up awareness and concern to our society.

The intentions of the presenter’s telling of the story

I think the presenter’s intentions (Liv Moloney) was to portray this interview in an engaging way, figuring out the psychology of murderers but also giving us alarming information to create more awareness. I think she wanted to create an impact to give more apprehension for these situations and to hopefully prevent more of these cases.

[sarahkrobertson]

Annette Messager Penetration 1993–94 National Gallery of Australia, Canberra Purchased 1996

Annette Messager, Les Dépouilles — Skins, 1997 installation view, Museum of Contemporary Art, Australia

Annette Messager is a leading French artist whose extensive body of work over four decades encompasses drawing, photography, needlework, sculpture and installation. For her first Australian survey exhibition, the artist presents works from 1972 to the present, including major installations with kinetic or moving elements. Messager’s artworks are modest in their choice of materials. Clothing, badges, stuffed toys, yarn and synthetic hair all feature prominently, reworked by the artist to unsettling effect. Images are culled from popular magazines and newspapers, drawn by hand or photographed, while particular words are repeated over and over, like a litany.

Messager has spoken of her longstanding interest in ‘outsider’ art, including the work of amateur artists and children’s art. Equally significant are the historically overlooked practices, materials and techniques of women artists, which she has explored over decades. Since her debut in the Paris art scene in 1971–72, Messager has created an eccentric menagerie of creatures. Animal, human, monstrous or something in-between, her creations suggest the complexity of life as well as the mythologies, superstitions and vanities that underpin it – the shadowy ‘other’ within us all. From her earliest works exploring concepts of the feminine, to works of the 1980s that explore hybrid beings or ‘chimeras’, to later works featuring dismembered soft toys, unravelled woollen sweaters and hand-stitched limbs and organs, the body remains central while identity is destabilised.

Motion / emotion reflects the dual aspects of the artist’s practice. Motion is central to Messager’s recent works which sometimes incorporate mechanical elements and lights in their realisation. Some pieces employ ordinary household fans that blow objects upwards or round and round, as though animated with life’s force; others house more complex mechanisms that inflate and deflate various components. Several installations, featuring objects suspended by thread, rely on the movement of visitors and airflow to activate their gentle swaying motion. In the major installation Penetration (1992–94), lights hang between fabric body parts – lungs, digestive tract, reproductive organs – and soft pink foetuses, casting dramatic shadows across the gallery wall.

Probing the body from outside and within, Messager’s works reveal a keen interest in humanity and its fragile, emotional core. Nowhere is this more evident than in the dramatic room scale installation Casino (2005), featuring a billowing sea of red silk that rises and falls like breath. Originally commissioned for the 2005 Venice Biennale, and reconfigured for the MCAAustralia, this work is inspired by the adventures of the wooden marionette Pinocchio in his quest to become a human boy. Disembodied puppet heads bob up and down above the silk, which suggests the blood associated with birth, whilst below it lie the limbs and organs the marionette so desires.

Rachel Kent, Chief Curator, Museum of Contemporary Art Australia

[emokidcake]

Undercover (Calum Hood AU) // Chapter 2 - Calum

word count: 2.5k (sorry nothing is in bold. i'm updating from my phone) - "Get ready, son. Our lives are about to change." That was the first thing Calum's father had told him when they'd arrived in New York City almost two years ago. The whole family had been shaking with anticipation the whole plane ride, talking excitedly about what their new lives would be like. Calum's sister had rambled on and on about how she was going to become famous. His parents had watched on happily with a sparkle in their eyes as they sipped the complementary bottled water offered by the airline. Calum had only sat back in his seat, watching his sister but not truly hearing what she was saying. His own mind was running wild with thoughts and possibilities.  Now, here they were, two years later, and Calum's father was about to be sworn in as the new mayor of New York City. It seemed that their lives really were going to change. When Calum and his family had first moved to New York, he hadn't expected his life to change that much. He had only expected to go to a new school, make new friends, and live in a different house. Sure, he had dreamed up countless possibilities, but even he knew they were far-fetched and unlikely. As a kid, he had always dreamed of what New York City was like in the flesh. He'd always watched the ball drop on TV, and marveled at all the people that filled Times Square. He'd dreamed of tall buildings and bright lights and famous people. He'd dreamed of watching Broadway shows and playing catch with his father in Central Park and watching street performers. New York City was the place he most wanted to visit in the United States. In fact, it was the place he most wanted to visit in the whole world. However, the reality of New York was much different than he had expected. His father rarely did any activities with him, always too occupied with his political campaigning. His parents had sent him to an all boys school, so his hopes of meeting girls were flushed down the toilet. He had only ever been to Times Square once, and even then it was only to help spread the word about his father's mayoral campaign. The tall buildings were beautiful, but they lost their appeal after a while. The only famous person he had ever seen was the weather lady from the local news channel. He had never attended a Broadway show, and had never even gotten close to playing catch with his father. He had only seen a handful of street performers, and none of them had had any real talent. His three trips to the once dreamy Central Park were brief. The first time he went, it began to pour rain ten minutes after he had arrived. The second time he went was once again for his father's mayoral campaign. And the third time he had gone was in the current moment, as he sat under the shade of a tall tree with his best friends sitting in front of him. He thought to himself that being there with his friends was by far the best trip he had taken to Central Park yet. "No, Michael," Calum's closest friend, Ashton said. He was sitting cross legged in the grass, leaned toward their other friend Michael, who was currently clutching an acoustic guitar in his arms. "It's C, E, G, not A, C, G."  Michael sighed and strummed the notes again in the correct order. Ashton gave him a satisfied grin and refocused his gaze back on his notebook, where he was doodling something that Calum couldn't see.  Calum tore his eyes from his curly haired friend and gazed out upon the land in front of him. The grass was a brownish green color, having long faded from the vibrant green of spring. December was almost upon them, but it had yet to snow in New York City. It was one of the rare days where the temperature was in the mid-fifties. Calum loved this kind of weather because it was cold enough to wear a sweater, but warm enough that he wouldn't need an extra jacket.  Children were running around in the grass, playing ball and tag and any other game that their young minds had created. Some people were also sitting under the trees. Some were reading books and others were scrolling through their smartphones. Couples were walking all about, holding hands and chatting. Calum spotted a little girl and her father buying a hot dog from a vendor on the opposite side of the lawn. He smiled slightly to himself. "Earth to Calum!" He heard a voice exclaim. He snapped back to reality to see his other friend, Luke, looking at him expectantly.  "What?" Calum said. "I was just telling you to tell your dad I said 'Congrats'," Luke said. Calum only nodded. He almost told Luke he could tell him himself, but he knew that his father was too busy for trivial things like meeting his friends. They had been friends for nearly one and a half years and his father was yet to meet them.  "I will," he said in a monotone voice. He would never say it out loud, but he could care less about his father becoming the mayor. He kept his mouth shut to uphold the supportive son persona that he and his family had worked so hard to build. Actually, Calum knew he would have been happier if his father was just a normal dad. He wanted his father to be around all the time, offering to take him out to lunch or even asking him for help with chores, such as yard work or cleaning the gutters. However, his dreams of having a normal father faded to grey when they moved from Australia to New York. They traded out their home with a one acre back yard for a penthouse apartment with a ton of windows. The only "yard work" that needed to be done was the watering of the plants on the balcony that overlooked the city. "Incoming!" Luke said softly. By now, Calum knew what this meant. His eyes instantly began scanning the area before they landed on a tall girl with long, jet black hair and tanned skin. She was walking confidently with her head held high. Despite the cool weather, she was wearing a tight jean skirt and a flowy white tank top. As she neared closer to the four boys, Michael stood up from the grass, brushing off the back of his legs. He practically ran toward the girl, and instantly pulled her into a passionate kiss. The three boys groaned loudly. Despite her beautiful and somewhat angelic appearance, Calum, Ashton, and Luke referred to her as 'the Piranha'.  Calum couldn't even remember the last time he had spoken her real name. The Piranha had been in Calum's life ever since he had met Michael. She and Michael had been infatuated with eachother since middle school, or so Calum had been told. She was a fierce, sassy girl with pale brown eyes and a stunning smile. A smile that she often used to her advantage when it came to Michael.  She was always asking him for things, whether it be for him to come over while he was busy with the guys or to buy her something new. All she had to do was flash her trademark smile and Michael was wrapped around her finger all over again. She was always complaining and gossiping, though the boys had learned to ignore her. They'd been dealing with her for years, and they had since grown immune to her cynicism.  Despite her personal flaws, she and Michael's relationship was by far the worst relationship he had ever witnessed. They were constantly fighting. They were both extremely jealous and possessive, which did not add up to a healthy relationship. Whenever she saw Michael even speaking to another girl, she flipped out and screamed at him. Any time Michael would even think about breaking up with her, she'd sink her teeth into him even further. Just like a piranha. "Hello, boys," she said cheerfully. She was standing above them clutching Michael's hand as if her life depended on it. The three boys only nodded back at her.  "Sorry to interrupt your little..." she began, glancing around at the scene. The guitar now sat abandoned in the grass, with numerous notebooks scattered near it. "Whatever this is." "No need to be sorry, Piranha," Luke said with a smirk. Her face turned into a scowl at the word 'Piranha'. The boys had been calling her that for years, yet the term still made her extremely angry. "My name is-" she began angrily, but Ashton cut her off. "We know. But calling you Piranha is so much more satisfying." She scoffed and rolled her eyes, before turning around and dragging Michael along with her. He turned back toward the boys and mouthed a quick apology before turning around and jogging to keep up with her long strides.   "I don't think I'll ever get sick of that," Calum said, leaning back on his elbows in the shade.  "Me either," Luke and Ashton said in unison. *** Calum arrived home to an empty apartment, as per usual. The whole apartment was completely silent. All that could be heard was the telltale signs of the city below. The hustle and bustle could always be heard from inside the penthouse, even in the dead of night. It was as if the city was in a continuous loop of commotion. It was something Calum had grown to find comforting. Despite how crazy his life got, he could always count on the sounds of the city to be there.  Calum walked past the many sets of tall windows that looked out over the tall buildings and lights of the heart of New York City. Being on the top floor of the building had its perks, one being the incredible view. The penthouse was always full of natural light due to the majority of the walls being made up of clear glass windows. The curtains were always drawn, allowing the bright sunlight and flashing city lights to stream in 24 hours a day. Sometimes Calum would just stand in front of one of the many windows and stare down at the streets below, watching people from above with curiosity. He couldn't help but feel like a king as he stared down at the tiny dots below him.  Out of habit, Calum tossed his bag onto the leather sofa and headed toward the windows. The sun was shining brightly now, just beginning to peek out from behind the clouds.He squinted at the bright light and instead focused his gaze on his own reflection in the glass. He studied the sharpness of his own jaw, the small imperfections on his skin, the slope of his nose. It was something he often did, though he wasn't sure what he was expecting to get out of it. He often only succeeded in making himself feel insecure. He put up a front around others. He acted like nothing could bother him; that nothing could hurt him. He never allowed himself to show emotion around people he wasn't comfortable with. He couldn't even remember the last time he had truly cried or laughed. He smiled at people when passing them or greeting them. It's common decency. If he saw someone sad or angry, he would try to comfort them. He wasn't heartless. He had a passionate, sympathetic heart. He did things for others because he was raised right, and he would want someone to do the same for him.  However, when it came to his own emotions, it was like there was a brick wall surrounding his heart. An impenetrable brick wall that was enforced with steel beams. Calum's phone suddenly began buzzing in his pocket. A photo of his mother appeared on the screen. Calum clicked the green button as quickly as he could. His mother rarely called him while she was at work, so he figured it was important.  "Hello?"  "Hi, sweetie." His mother, Joy, said. "Is everything okay, Mom?" he asked with a hint of nervousness in his voice. Joy chuckled. "What, I can't call my son unless there's a crisis?" she joked. Calum halfheartedly chuckled, still wondering in the back of his mind what the true intention of his mother's call was. He knew she wouldn't call just to talk about her day, no matter how badly Calum wished she would every once in a while. "It's great to hear your voice, Calum. But yes, there is a reason I'm calling," she said. Calum sighed, but was not surprised.  "I just wanted to remind you about your appointment with the tailor at 6," she said. "You need to look like a respectable young man during the ceremony." Calum nodded, although his mother couldn't hear him. He didn't know why she felt the need to call him and remind him. She had already texted him twice throughout the day, taped a note to his bedroom door the previous day, and reminded him once again before she had left for work that morning. "Yes, mom. I'll be there." He could practically see her smiling in satisfaction. "Good, sweetie," she said. "I'll be home by the time you're back from the tailor's. Anything sound good for dinner?" Calum knew that responding was pointless. She had done this countless times before. She'd ask him what he wanted her to cook for dinner, only for her to get caught up in some miscellaneous project and profusely apologize before ordering takeout. On the rare nights that she did have time to cook, she simply let Calum serve himself and shut herself in the office to work. She always, without fail, would take her dinner into the study and eat at her desk as she typed away on the computer. Calum wished that for just one night, he and his mother and father could sit at the table and eat together. "Whatever sounds good to you is fine with me, Mom," Calum said. Sadly, this statement did not only apply to dinner. Calum had spent so long going with the flow and agreeing to the things his parents wanted that he barely had time to be on his own and develop his own interests. The only hobby in his life that he had to himself was music. He longed to be his own person, no longer under his parent's control and doing what he wanted to do rather than what he felt they'd want him to do.  It suddenly struck him that he was 18 years old and still had no idea who he was. And that was something that he wanted to change.  ___________________________________________ A/N: Once again, nothing too exciting yet. I'm still trying to let you get to know the characters. As mentioned, Calum is 18 at the start of the story. His age will progress through the story but as of now it is very important that he is still a teen.

[todaydreambelieversfic]

Author Spotlight: DamnPene day 2

Day 2: Recs!

Please recommend 3 - 5 of your own fic.

Okay. On it. Tricky to know what to rec. Turns out it’s two reunion fics, a future fic, and a neighbours AU. Enjoy!!

Long Way Home

This is a 34k reunion fic. It started as my answer to the proposal episode. I loved the proposal for all its unlikely, ridiculous beauty but I wanted to work out how I would write the reunion if I faced where they were as individuals, faced the break up and their issues but with the full knowledge that they were in love. The story takes Kurt and Blaine to NYADA but still separated. The fact that all their friends overlap means they need to spend time together and be mature and sensible and not pine for one another or remember all the ways they fit or be cast in a play together.

The story is a happily ever after romance but it’s achey. Finn is a huge part of why it’s sad.

I love it because I love the pining, the work they do on themselves and their relationship, the many ways they reconnect. I think it’s my favourite

Here’s a piece from very early in the story, before the story actually. Drunk Kurt texting sad Blaine.

***

This is Kurt i rembemered your number I deleted it but I still remembered is that weird?

Rachel says hi She also says you can never be friends with someone you were once in love with

Blaine reads “were” and “once” there next to one another like that. “Were once in love with”. He inhales around the lump in his throat. He types carefully.

I’m happy you remembered. Let’s prove Rachel wrong.

There’s a long pause. Then.

Okay Thank you Blaine. And sorry,. drunk texting your ex after a wedding is not a great habit.

You don’t need to apologize. Just make sure you drink lots of water.

So now they’re building a friendship. Blaine’s always been good at friendship. Since that conversation they’ve spoken once or twice a week, just catching up with one another’s everyday lives. They talk about school and classes and song selections. They talk about Kurt’s dad and Cooper and glee club. Kurt sometimes mentions Adam.

It’s fun and it’s light and it’s never, ever enough. When they hang up Blaine is already waiting for the next time they speak. Sometimes he feels like he’s measuring time by Kurt’s phone calls.

Every Word

Every Word is a 21k reunion fic. This is that very first story I wrote when I was first faced with Kurt and Blaine’s heartbreak. Because I didn’t have enough background and was sort of miserable myself I had to give Kurt and Blaine a few years space from one another so the break up wouldn’t hurt so much and I could have them face their issues with a bit of distance. It made it possible to be a bit lighter.

The story is set in San Francisco and largely behind the scenes as the boys build a musical together and reconnect while they do so.  

I love the musical they create together, love their chemistry and respect for one another and the ways they have grown. I love the backstage and the theater family and all that. It was a joy to write and was made even better many months later when friends I made through it were kind enough to add comments.

This section is right near the beginning.

**

Blaine has written the best thing of his career. Of course, he’s only twenty-four and this is really the third thing he’s completed so there’s not much competition. Still, he’s proud of it. He has some limited financial backing; he has a producer in Wes and a director in Devi. He even has a choreographer and a copyright attorney. Everything is set for success. Or ripe for failure.

And now they’re casting the pivotal role. Blaine sighs wretchedly and drops his head into his arms. He’s pretty sure he knows where this is all heading. He lifts his eyes to look at the others. “I might know the right guy,” he says.

Devi shoots a look at Wes. He nods slowly. “Okay. We’ve got some wiggle room here. A tiny little bit of wiggle room, Blaine.”

“Work your charms, Anderson. He’d better be good,” says Devi.

“He is,” says Blaine.

“Oh ho,” she laughs.

Blaine doesn’t bother to tell her it’s not like that.

This show is Blaine’s baby. The madness is that the only person he can picture in the lead role is a boy he has been failing to forget for six years.

**

Wherever You Are

This is an 11k fic set with future married Klaine. They’re still young and in the theater and they’re struggling a little but heading on much-needed vacation. I set out to write a nice little travelogue where Kurt and Blaine go to Australia and see beautiful things. I wanted to write something fun. But instead the boys kept complicating everything, kept making me work for the story as they worked through their relationship, building and rebuilding and rebuilding their life together.

I’m quite protective of this story, it was hard for me to post because I was unsure of it. But it’s connected beautifully for people.

Again this section is near the beginning.

So now Blaine is standing on the airport curb. With all of their luggage.

He’s still furious. He’s still tired. But the truth is he’s packed three kinds of sensitive skin sunscreen, he’s found the adapter and the right hairdryer. And all he wants to do is call Kurt and say, “Please come. Please come with me.” But it’s too late. Kurt will never make the flight if he’s still at the theater or worse, out with the cast, or heading home with someone.

Blaine looks at the suitcases. There are too many for just one person. He’ll need a trolley. A town car pulls up. And Kurt steps out.

His lips are pressed together and his eyes wide and wary. He’s so beautiful it catches in Blaine’s chest. The world could have stopped. He can’t see anything else.

“Hi,” Kurt says, softly.

“Hi,” and Blaine can’t help but smile. He’s angry and weary and it’s not like things are okay but he knew years ago that he was never going to be anything but happy to see Kurt.

**

Five Ways to Survive a BreakUp

Okay so those are all serious pieces which take a little commitment. So here’s something lighter and shorter that I surprised myself by writing. It’s 7k of Klaine as neighbours to lovers with sides of Mercedes and Tina and Rachel and glimpses of the boys Kurt and Blaine are dating as they realise the best thing is right next door.

From early in the piece:

“Okay. I’ll leave you to it then. But- if you need company, my roommates and I are right across the hall.”

“Thank you,” says Blaine. Kurt is very kind. And handsome. “And I really am sorry about the music.”

“It’s fine,” says Kurt. “I completely understand. Sometimes music is the only constant in the world.” He stops in the doorway. He’s lit from the hall and his clothes fit perfectly. “You have an incredible voice, Blaine. And you’re um- very handsome. Any guy would be lucky to have you.” He flushes and his face tightens. “I just thought you should know that, given the day you’ve had.”

Blaine feels an unexpected lightness. “Thank you,” he says.

As the door closes behind Kurt, Blaine wipes his eyes once more. He’s still heartbroken. That kind of thing doesn’t just go away. But there’s a buzz under his skin and a glimmer of hope caught up amongst it.

THANKS!!!