#it's the first piece of writing that I've ever completed and while it obviously has its flaws i'm very fond and proud of it

[thealexchen]

Why Dontnod's games feel original and inspired (and why Deck Nine's games don't)

So, I've talked at length about how Double Exposure feels much more like a corporate product than a playable piece of art entertainment [My initial thoughts on the DE trailer] [My thoughts on the early access paywall] [My thoughts on the weird marketing].

But now with the release of Lost Records, I feel like I have no choice but to confront the question: were any of Deck Nine's games truly original or inspired in any way? And honestly, I have to say no.

Objectively, I could say it's because Deck Nine literally has not produced any original IP's since their rebrand from Idol Minds in 2017. Their only narrative adventure games are all part of the LiS franchise. But even their most original game, True Colors, pretty obviously follows the first game's narrative formula (young woman with a superpower investigates a sudden disappearance/death in a small town with a dark secret, has two opposite sex love interests, learns about a twist villain, is nearly murdered, and goes through a psychological nightmare in the last episode) to a tee. But oh look, there's also a LARP!

But I believe there's more to it than that, because when I look at Dontnod's games, they are always inspired by other works. Life is Strange 1 plays very clear homage to Twin Peaks with the Pacific Northwest setting and Rachel Amber resembling Laura Palmer. Max Caulfield is named after the protagonist of The Catcher in the Rye, another novel about the fleeting innocence of childhood and superficiality of society. Life is Strange borrows tropes from Donnie Darko, Groundhog Day, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, Stand By Me, and even Blue is The Warmest Color for its themes and plot points. Just take a look at its "Shout-out" page on TV Tropes. And the result is... something completely original, with riveting plot twists, memorable characters, and an ending that will make you cry.

This shouldn't make sense, right? You'd think this big soup of references would turn into an indistinguishable mess of cliches, but Life is Strange managed to be a synthesis of everything the writers loved and were inspired by, to become something completely new. Why? Because nobody had tried to take Twin Peaks, Donnie Darko, and The Catcher in the Rye and turn it into a video game before! And make it gay!

The point being, Dontnod consistently makes original material because they take creative risks. This is definitely not done lightly, since they still need to be a company that generates profit, but they still prioritize making art over selling out. Their stories feel inspired because they are inspired; when writers love what they're writing about, the result is a passion project that has loving, clever nods to all the works that are woven into it.

So perhaps a way to reword that first question is to then ask, "Have Deck Nine's games ever been inspired by anything?" And unfortunately, the answer is still no. Instead, they just copy what they hope will sell well. And a bland imitation for the sake of generating profit is never going to produce anything that feels original.

This takes me back to Lost Records, which is also clearly inspired by the same works: Twin Peaks, It: Chapter One, The Craft, The Blair Witch Project, The Goonies, Stand By Me. But again, no other game studio besides Dontnod has ever looked at these works and thought, "But what if it starred teenage lesbians instead?" Or, more specifically: "How do we capture the spirit of what made these media great and incorporate that into a new story for a new audience?" And those characters have so much thought and care poured into them too: while I've been disappointed that Double Exposure Max looks airbrushed to hell and back, I love that the Bloom & Rage girls have asymmetrical faces, acne, freckles, body hair, skin discoloration, and diverse body types. Double Exposure is marketed as nostalgia bait for fans, where Max is reduced to a prettied-up, polished-up, representation of nostalgia, not even her own character anymore, in a game that otherwise has no connection to the original. Her quips are reduced to "Hey! Remember our good ol', dad-joke cracking, dorky Max Caulfield??" and her grief is shoved aside for "Hey, look at that appealing new love interest! Because we knoooow y'all love your sapphic romance, right?"

By contrast, Lost Records has only been out for 10 days, but I already feel like the girls are some of the most memorable characters I've come across in gaming for the niche they fill. Swann seems like your typical Max-like dork, except she's also a movie buff and giddy about bugs, horror, and the paranormal; and has clearly been affected by her mother's fatphobic beliefs. Autumn is a level-headed leader who always stuck to her desire to help others, and her Blackness naturally informs her desire to feel valued and not cause trouble in a small, very white, conservative town. Nora intrigues me so much for going from a fun-loving rebel punk teen to a more gender-conforming, capitalist-leaning, influencer businesswoman. And Kat feels like an evolution of Chloe's cynicism, where her scrappy charm belies an almost unsettling obsession with the occult and a deep, tragic chasm of rage at having to confront her mortality far too young. They make sense. They feel carefully written, genuine, and like real people.

But most of all, Dontnod's games have never felt like products. In fact, most of their characters have historically gone against the grain of what traditionally "marketable" characters are. The first LiS took all these aforementioned stories about straight white men and chose to remix and retell it through the eyes of a young, queer, time-traveling girl instead. Tell Me Why is the first AAA game with a trans protagonist, and Tyler is voiced by a trans actor in all the language dubs. Lost Records decided that it would tell its story through four queer teenage girls, with women writers onboard, and fucking own it. As long as Dontnod keeps making games that stick to their creative integrity, I'll keep respecting their vision in whatever they decide to create next. Also, maybe I should finally watch Twin Peaks.

Thank you for reading!

[scintie]

a spark of black

Pairing: Gambit/Remy LeBeau x female reader. Summary: Ever since you appeared at the resistance hideout along with Wade and Logan, tension between you and a certain Cajun card slinger has been steadily growing. One fateful night you finally get the chance to relieve some of it. Tags: smut (male receiving), blowjob, mild dominant undertones. Notes: be gentle, this is the first piece of writing that I've uploaded in yeeeeears. :')

You watched Remy’s mouth move, his lips forming words that you just couldn’t decipher. He was obviously speaking to you, it was just the two of you sat in the main room of the hideout.

Earlier in the evening everyone had been gathered, sharing stories and drinks. The others had all turned in for the night an hour or so ago, leaving you and the Cajun to continue on without them. Wade had made his exit by saying something predictably crude about not being too loud while fucking each others brains out. Remy had waved him off while you did nothing but blush.

The past hour had been torture. Listening to Remy's smooth, deep voice talk about their recent escapades in the Void had driven you crazy with desire. You'd developed a stupid crush on him as soon as you'd arrived. Who wouldn't though right? With his tall, broad stature and handsome face, he'd be hard for anyone to resist. But as the days had passed things went from bad to worse and your stupid crush deepened into a genuine desire.

That's why the blood was thumping so loud in your ears that you couldn’t understand him.

“Wh-what? Sorry, I er, I didn’t quite catch that.” You stammered, feeling your cheeks grow hotter by the second. You dreaded to think how flustered you looked to him right now. Like a deer in the headlights of a truck. A big, sexy truck wearing a brown leather coat.

“Oh, tu es mignon,” Remy chuckled under his breath. He rose from his chair and stepped a little closer, as if the distance between the two of you was the issue. “Remy see da way you been lookin’ at him cher, when ya' think he no be noticin’, ah?”

You were speechless. You didn't know how to react to his bluntness. How were you supposed to react to that?

Remy smirked and closed the gap between you completely and leaned over you, placing his hands on the back of your chair, one either side of your head. He was so close, you could barely breathe.

"You wan' me? All a pretty lil' thing like you would hav' to do is ask, ma douce." He kept his voice low, not wanting to alert the others.

Your mind raced, thoughts bouncing around for what felt like an eternity before at last, you nodded your head. You didn't even realise you were doing it but you weren't about to argue against it either.

"Atta girl, une si bonne fille." Remy praised, standing up straight. His hands went to the fastenings of his pants, all the while maintaining eye contact with you. "Ya trust Remy, don'cha cher?" He asked, slowly pushing his pants and underwear down off of his hips.

Your gaze left his then, moving down his otherwise fully clothed body until you were greeted with the sight of his half hard cock slipping from it's confines. Your eyes went wide. He was certainly much bigger than anyone you'd ever been with before.

You realised Remy was still watching you, slowly stroking himself now, waiting for an answer. You didn't know where to look, it was hard to tear your eyes away from the sight of his cock swelling to it's full, impressive size.

Finally, you found your words, "Y-yeah, I trust you."

"Perfect." Remy smirked and took up his position right in front of you, his hands on the back of the chair again. You gulped, head swimming with anticipation. "Then open up dat pretty mouth for me."

You drew in a long breath before slowly parting your lips, wider and wider until he nodded his approval. Remy seemed to realise that he had forgotten something, taking your hands from your lap and guiding them to his bare thighs. "Da's for yer own peace of mind, don' wan' you thinkin' you gon' fall."

You braced your hands on his muscular legs and soon realised why as he pulled on the back of your chair, slowly tilting you forward. The movement causing your mouth to lower onto his cock. It was definitely a different experience to anything you were used to, he had almost complete control over your movement.

Remy moaned quietly, taking in the tantalisingly debauched sight of your luscious lips wrapped around him. He took in every detail and sensation, observing you as if you were creating a beautiful piece of artwork right in front of him.

You looked up at him with hooded eyes, slowly working your tongue around him with what little space you had left to use.

Remy moaned again, deeper this time before just as slowly tipping the chair back down, his cock sliding almost all of the way out of your mouth.

"Y'okay, cher?" He asked, his chest rising and falling quickly. You could tell he was holding himself back a little, but he needed to make sure you were still on board with this.

You nodded slowly, running your hands slowly up and down his thighs, squeezing the muscles lying taught beneath his smooth skin.

Remy nodded back and steadied his stance. He moved the chair forward and backward again in quicker succession this time, watching your face for any sign of discomfort. He relaxed when all he saw was lust and wanton desire on your features.

You kept your hands braced on his legs, giving yourself a firm and steady anchor point to rely on. You moaned around his dick as he moved you again, a little deeper this time but still manageable.

He gradually built up a good rhythm. Not fast enough to be overwhelming for you but definitely enough to have him moaning freely, loving the soft warmth of your mouth as he moved you back and forth.

"Dat hot lil' mouth feelin' so good on me, cher." He whispered huskily, just loud enough for you to hear. You still had to be quiet, you couldn't imagine how mortifying it would be if one of the others walked in on you two right now.

Remy's words of encouragement shot a tingle through your body that ended up right between your legs. You pressed your thighs together hard and whimpered, tears prickling your eyes as your arousal started to get the better of you.

Remy noticed the change in your demeanour and slowly lowered the chair completely back down to the floor, his cock slipping free from your mouth for the first time since he'd started. A mixture of saliva and precum followed after him, coating your lips and chin.

You loved how completely blissed out you were feeling, high on the endorphins and serotonin surging through your body. Without really thinking about it you slid from the chair and onto your knees between Remy's feet. You were going on instinct, being driven by the almighty lust that you felt for this man.

"Y'kay down dere, angel?" Remy enquired, cocking an eyebrow and sliding a reassuring hand onto your shoulder as he watched you with intrigue.

You nodded slowly, grazing your teeth over your bottom lip. "Uhuh, just wanna make you come that's all..." Your words came out so soft and breathy that it was his turn to barely hear you, but he soon got the idea when you reached up and started to stroke him back to full hardness.

He moaned just a little louder than he'd liked to, caught a little off guard by the sudden sensation of your soft hands. "Well cher, Remy ain't gon' be arguin' widdat." He chuckled when he'd regained composure, jutting his hips forward for you. As soon as he was rigid again you wasted no time in taking his cock back into your mouth. You set a relatively fast pace, bobbing your head quickly, taking as much as would while working him with your tongue. Your hands went to his hips, pulling him forward and back gently in time with your bobbing. "Merde..." He hissed, looking down at you as he snaked his hand into the hair at the back of your head. "Jus' like dat, belle. Remy be comin' in no time if you be doin' dat..."

Spurred on by his words you forced yourself to take him just a little deeper, feeling him throb against your tongue in response, followed by the salty taste of precum.

You moaned softly as Remy's fingers tightened in your hair, gripping the strands at the very root. His hips stuttered a little, a tell tale sign that he getting close.

One of your hands left his hip and made it's way between his legs to massage his balls, lifting them with your palm and rolling them in their sack slowly.

The sound that came out of the Cajun's mouth was like music to your ears. Along guttural moan peppered with some indistinguishable French curse words. Apparently he didn't seem to care if anyone heard anymore.

A couple more minutes went by of you greedily sucking him and playing with his balls before Remy suddenly pulled back, his cock popping from your mouth wetly.

He wrapped his hand around his dick as he quickly guided you to sit back in the discarded chair from earlier. You complied, scrabbling up onto the wooden seat.

Remy stood over you, straddling your legs a she began jerking himself off quickly. "M' gonna come all over dat pretty face, cher... ya' ready?"

You nodded, heat rushing to your cheeks in anticipation. His hand made it's way to the back of your head again, holding you in place as he chased his orgasm.

The visual of such a devastatingly gorgeous man masturbating over you was intoxicating, it made your head spin just watching him. An odd swell of pride hit you as you noticed your saliva still coating his cock as he stroked himself, sliding his length between the makeshift sheath of his palm and thick fingers.

"Beg me, cher. Beg Remy for his cum." He panted.

You could tell he was right there, right on the precipice, he just needed to hear you.

"Please Remy, fuck... please cum all over me..." You whined, your breathing almost as shallow as his by now.

That did the trick. Almost as soon as the last words left passed your lips Remy let out a long, loud moan as his cock started to twitch. He pulled you closer just as thick, white ropes of cum started to shoot from his slit.

You opened your mouth just in time as you felt some of the hot, salty fluid paint your tongue. The rest splashed across your face in haphazard directions, marking you as his. Remy's fist slowed and his breathing steadied as the pleasure subsided. It was at that moment that you locked eyes with him. It was then that he fully saw the mess he'd made of you. The sight of you covered in his seed seemed to stun him for a small moment before his trademark cockiness returned.

"Lookin' good dere, beautiful. Dat look really suit you, ah?" He quipped, winking as he turned to find a washcloth.

You took it from him with a shy smile, your hormone fuelled confidence ebbing away slightly in the aftermath. But you smiled to yourself as you wiped your face clean because you had a feeling that he was right. It did suit you.

[yuufiles]

skye riley headcanons!

pairing: skye riley x reader

genre: fluff & comfort

warnings: slight issues with food, trichotillomania

wc: 663

a/n: there is a SEVERE. lack of skye riley content on here.. i am here to save the day /hj i enjoyed writing this and it brought me a lot of comfort to my very messy mind... if anyone wants me to write more pls send a request that would be lovely

she has eczema, so her diet is very limited. mostly consisting of fresh and whole foods like fruits and veggies to make sure it doesn't flare up.

but she loves to cook all kinds of things for you, even if she is too lazy to cook for herself sometimes. it's like a give-and-take kind of thing.

you want pancakes for breakfast? she's up early prepping ingredients to cook for you. by the time you wake up, you get a waft of your favorite fresh pancakes made by yours truly. topped with strawberries, bananas (both her favorite), and whatever other toppings she knows you love.

skye will skip meals for two reasons: one, she's too lazy or tired to make a meal for herself. and two, her mind beats her up and makes her think she needs to lose more weight. (which she doesn't, poor baby. so you make sure to check on her and her eating habits)

since she's basically a rabbit, her food is easy to meal prep.

you prep her food like you're a mother sending her toddler off to preschool. you place her salads in cute lunchboxes with little containers holding different dressings for her to enjoy with a motivational note.

whenever she unpacks her food and sees the little piece of paper with your handwriting saying: take care of yourself! <3  or  i love you :)  , a part of her heals.

oh, and you obviously can't forget her carrot and celery sticks with hummus. she'd rather stay home than forget to bring those to rehearsal.

no matter how dominant she may act, she's still the little spoon in bed.

nothing comforts her more than your warmth on her back, your leg over her hip, your arm around her waist, and your breath on her neck.

she LOVES it.

she holds the hand that is wrapped around her waist and caresses it so it stays there

she keeps a pillow in front of her to hug so she's completely sandwiched on the bed

you feel she thinks it makes her feel safe, and you find it so adorable 

speaking of sleeping, she'll also knock out within 5 minutes of you scratching her head.

it happened before on the set of one of her music videos. she was on her break and laid her head down on your lap. you didn't notice how her eyes started to flutter shut when you kept on running your fingers through her hair.

when you finished your conversation with one of the staff, you looked down and realized she had dozed off with her phone still in her hands.

elizabeth came over to look for her and realized the person lying on your lap was her daughter and the exact person she was looking for

"y/n! god, have you seen- oh, i've never seen her sleep so soundly ever since she was a kid... i'll be back."

you know about her really bad trichotillomania where she'll start to unconsciously twirl and pull her hair

so whenever you see her reach for her scalp, you're giving her a scolding look that says, "i dare you to even touch your hair skylar rose riley."

her hands immediately shoot back down to her sides and she looks like a dog that has just been scolded 

she thanks you for it, though, since it only reminds her of her lowest points in life

so, you decide to get her a fidget toy instead.

"skye, have you ever heard of slime?"

"what?"

after a long conversation addressing her tic, she ultimately agrees to settle on a needoh nice cube

at first, she found it a bit embarrassing to bring it around. but then after a while, she couldn't bear to leave without it. it's a safe way for her to relieve her stress, and plus it reminds her of you.

you took a polaroid of her smiling, getting her makeup done, with the cube in her hands. you keep it in your wallet. ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

[bisexual-horror-fan]

Hi Bex! This is so exciting for me since this is my first time requesting something in the few years that I've been a follower! 😍TBABTO was a GAME-changer for me! So fucking good! 😭🫠 IDK how you are able to do it, honestly. As a slasher/horror fan, your blog is one of my all-time faves. On that note... For your Valentine's Day Ask Game I would like a snippet of Poly!Ghostface x AFAB! Reader. NSFW because let's be real, these freaks go 0 to 100 real quick 😘 The scenario: the boys are best friends with reader and she gets stood up by her boyfriend of two years on Valentine's Day for someone else! Reader is feeling humiliated and depressed...little does she know the boys aren't gunna take that sitting down (and are pretty grateful for the chance to show her just how much she means to them and to get rid of that tool she was dating) I trust you know what to do from there! No rush either! ❤️

Thanks for being awesome,

- T🌙

Okay, oh my God, T, hi! I love, adore, am obsessed with this ask and prompt! First off, thank you! TBABTO was really a huge deal, I still adore that fic and consider it one of my very best pieces of writing ever. The fact you have been around for years, and that fic is still getting love, warms my heart! I hope this meets your expectations and gives you exactly what you want. NFSW indeed, hope the gore is gory enough for you. I appreciate the patience, I took Sunday off and yesterday was the Canadian holiday of Family Day so I was busy, but I wrote this up at work today!

—

Rating. Explicit. Length. 1.8K. Poly!Ghostface X AFAB! Reader. She/Her Pronouns. Warnings: Hurt/Comfort. Upset Reader. Crying Reader. Blood. Gore. Murder. Death. Obviously They Are Gonna Scoop You Up While You Are In The Process Of Grieving. 

—

What Must We Do?

—

You feel like a complete idiot. Pouring hours into making and buying presents, into your appearance, Hell into the entire relationship for the love of fuck, for two years, and for what? A guy who is a totally pathetic coward.

Here is how it happened, you showed up to the agreed upon place, presents in tow, only to be left hanging for nearly an hour, a friend saw you waiting and told you that they saw your piece of shit, now obviously EX boyfriend, was on a very cozy and romantic looking date with someone else. He stood you up? Un-fucking-believable. 

What are you supposed to do with yourself now? The thought of renting a tape and dragging yourself home has appeal, get out of your nice date clothes, into something much more comfortable and concern yourself with snacks and losing yourself in the fictional events blaring from your TV screen until you are exhausted enough for sleep to claim you.

So you make your way, soon find yourself in the video rental store, trying to ignore anyone staring at you so dressed up. The romance section has been picked clean, not like you want that right now anyway, you beeline for the horror section which still has a surprising good few tapes left, you are debating on getting two or three when you hear a very familiar voice pipe up, “What are you doing dressed up like that in a dump like this?” 

Your head turns to see Stu Macher approaching you, a tape of his own in his left hand, he has that grin that is so classic him plastered on his face, you don’t answer him, but you do greet him, a heavy sigh, “Hey Stu.”

As soon as he was in front of you, he spots the bags by your feet. His smile falters, brow creases, and his original question is followed up with a different one, accompanied by a point to the items, “Wait. Aren’t you supposed to be on your Valentines date right now?”

Your head tips forward, shoulders slumping, “I was supposed to be yes.” 

The lack of explanation is all the explanation needed, he knew who was at fault, just didn’t have the information on what he did yet. You don’t need to see his face to know he is wearing a much harder expression, his voice further tells on how he must be looking, “What did he do?”

Raising your head you look sideways towards him and tell him, “Stood me up, took someone else out today instead of me, didn’t even have the balls to end it with me first.” 

“Oh so he is a cheating asshole now instead of just the garden verity kind, fantastic.” He leans against the shelves and asks, “Are you okay?” 

“Decidedly not. I just want to watch some movies, turn my brain off, you know?” 

“We can do that, pick what you want and meet me at the front.” Stu started digging into his pocket, and you ask, “Okay, but what do you mean by we?”

“Who do you think? I’m gonna go call him.” Stu had his phone in his hand now, he gives you a grin over his shoulder and starts walking away, typing in the number, and you think this is what you need, fuck being alone when you could be with your best friends instead. 

Billy picks up on the second ring, “Do you really need help deciding on what to watch? Thought you could handle that much on your own-” 

Stu cuts him off, “Shut up man, I’m calling for a different reason, you’ll never guess who I ran into at the video store, she just got stood up by her shithead boyfriend and is feeling lonely and vulnerable, AND she wants a movie night, do you understand?”

Billy had to bark out a laugh before responded, “Stop, really?! He fucked up THAT badly? God, she’s forgiven some shit, but no way is she gonna take him back after this.” 

“Exactly, she’s picking out some movies, meet at her place, it is up to us to cheer her up.” Stu unceremoniously hung up the phone now that Billy was on the same page and on board. 

After the movies had been rented, snacks bought, you went back to your place, finding Billy already waiting, comfortably seated on his usual chair on your front porch. He hopped up immediately on your approach, “Hey, Stu called me and I came over, he told me what happened, I’m sorry.” 

“I’m sorry too, honestly, sorry I wasted so much time on that fucking idiot.” You are pulling out your key, unlocking your door and letting you and them inside. There was much venting to be done, camp was going to be made in your bedroom for maximum comfort, bags hauled upstairs, the boys following behind and in agreement, Billy starting, “He is a fucking idiot, who the Hell would he rather be spending time with?”

Stu following with, “Seriously, dude screams brain-dead.” 

Once in your room, you drop your stuff and tell them, “Make yourselves at home, I am gonna pick out some more comfortable clothes and get changed.” 

You dig through your drawers and find what you were hoping for, leaving the boys behind on your bed, digging through bags and unpacking stuff. In your absence, the pair of them start talking quietly, “So how about that chucklefuck?”

“Jeeeeesus, right? We gotta do something about it.” Billy sighs and Stu responds, “I remember just where we stashed our stuff, wouldn’t be hard to get to it.”

A beat of silence before Billy asks, “So this is our chance, right? To get king clown is out of the picture.”

Stu looks over at his friend and confirms, “We gotta show some care with this, but I think so.”

By the time you were back in the room and the first movie was going, you felt a bit more comfortable, the extra amounts of blankets and pillows on the bed and floor making a really comfortable place to relax. You were doing your best to focus on the screen but it was hard, the sadness was creeping in, you felt rather pathetic, and so in a quieter moment you spoke up and asked, “Is there something wrong with me?”

That had Stu sitting up from his comfortably reclined position and Billy stopping the handful of popcorn that was midway to his mouth, “What?”

The course of that single word from the pair might have made you laugh if you weren’t seconds away from crying, “I know it’s fucking stupid, but I am just sitting here running over everything in my mind and all I can think is that it’s my fault, like the common denominator is me.”

“That is stupid.” Stu nods and Bill backs him up, “Very stupid, that you are doubting yourself for even a minute because of that jerk! You didn’t do shit, it is all him, he is an insecure bitch.”

Stu pipes up with, “He is the problem, and it isn’t YOUR loss, it’s his!”

You wipe under your eyes and sniff, “Whatever, you are both just saying that-”

Billy laughs and Stu says, “Yeah cuz in the entire time you have known us, we have been so sensitive to saving people’s feelings and lie about shit like that.”

“Mmhmm, that is us, alright. If it wasn’t true, we wouldn’t be saying it, we’d be honest, even if it was harsh and you? Are wayyyy out of his league.” Billy was leaning closer to you and Stu was getting up onto the bed, on the opposite side of you, he says, “You are funnier, smarter, seriously don’t cry over that piece of shit.”

Billy hands you a tissue, and you wipe your face, a sharp inhale, and you try to reign it in, trying to listen, joking, “You two ever think of becoming professional hype men?”

Stu snickers and Billy asks, “What do we have to do to get you to believe us?”

Strong hands rest on your shoulders, he starts to rub, and you immediately begin to melt into the touch, eyes falling closed as Stu speaks, “I think I know just what we should do, stop worrying about that asshole, something tells me he is gonna get what he deserves.”

Of course, you say yes to that. They stay with you, by the end of the three movies, the snacks all eaten, your mood is lifted, and you are asleep in bed. They turn off the TV and quietly let themselves out, both well aware of what needed to happen.

That night, they plan, excited and giddy to make this guys last night on Earth total Hell. He was going to die afraid and alone, in immense pain. 

The following night, they execute. 

They revel, do all they can to make it hurt, thankfully they had been planning this for a good long while.

Isolating him was frighteningly easy, and that is how they got into this current position, they had cut open his abdominal cavity and were making him hold his hands tight to hold his intestines in, a small cut to each Achilles tendon and an order to run. “If you make it far enough without spilling your guts or fully ripping your tendons, we might let you live.”

There was of course no intention of actually allowing him to survive, but watching him struggle was going to be fun.

The forest is cold, it’s dark as fuck, he has no sense of direction, the ground uneven and slick from the earlier rain on top of that. In their dark robes they can menuver around him easily, take swips and shallow stabs at him, disorienting him further.

He didn’t make it more than five minutes until he was on the ground, he started to slip, and one hand is thrown out to a tree to steady himself and the first few loops of intestines nearly shoot out, he can’t halt his forward momentum soon enough and well.

Have you ever stepped your full weight onto your own guts? He has, and it sends him careening to the ground, slick organs wrapped around his legs, his tendon tears audibly, right knee hitting a rock on the way down and the crunch and crack of bone is stomach turning.

He is collapsed, heaving and sobbing, the pair descend onto him, ready to finish the job. Stu steps on the blood and mud coated intestinal protrusion and your ex gags, another wave of pain making him cry out, he looks down at him and grins the heel of his boot down harder, “Fucking pathetic, am I right?”

“Beyond pathetic.” His masked compatriot agrees. 

There is a weak sound, a stupid as shit question, “Why?”

They share a look and a laugh, before an answer is given, “Cuz you don’t deserve to breathe, why else?”

The body can handle a lot before dying, they rip his blood soaked hands away and then tear from the inside out, once more of him was on the outside than in, a modicum of mercy is shown. His throat is slashed, and he is permitted to drown in his own blood. 

Your ex’s body is found in the woods a week later, and after a few more rains, when the news spread your two best friends simply tell you, one after the other, “Told you he’d get what was coming to him.”

“Yeah, clearly he just pissed off the wrong people.” 

You supposed he did.

[honeyhotteoks]

Hi, i have been your long time silent reader. And TNT is one of my favorite story that i keep coming back to read, like a child with it's favorite blanket or like a moth to a flame. The way it was written is chef's kiss. I also want to thank you Ms. Chai for creating such a wonderful story, it became a comfort when i was going through life crisis. I just wanted to let you know that reader like me exist.

And i know that this is not a part of the story but i just want to ask, in your universe and in your timeline, if ever reader gets pregnant i sometimes wonder how will that works for the both alphas? like would the baby recognize them both as their father?(a dumb question i know😭) but i just want to know how will their family dynamics will be if ever🤞🏻

thank you for taking your time reading this as someone who has social anxiety sending ask like this and messages triggers my anxiety😭 i hope it was not too dumb of a question and please accept my love🫶🏻

oh my gosh thank you so much!! 😭

first, I totally get you on the social anxiety. I have a really hard time meeting new people and communicating sometimes, so I get it and just want to say that in the future if you ever want to send me a message please don't feel anxious again. I'm always so happy to get messages.

also I literally love this question so check under the cut for a ramble and a half about this

OKAYYYY so here's the thing, if you've been following me for a while you know I love anything babyfic related. I don't put it in everything because not every fic needs it, but i love writing a pregnancy plotline or happily ever after with kids.

as far as the TNT universe goes, i've actually been working on a piece that would come way after the events of the core fic that explores this. i'm not sure if i'll ever pursue this and finish it / post it, but i've definitely been exploring those themes just myself in a few one-shots that may or may not go up in the future.

that being said, in general here's a few headcanons and details about how pregnancy and kids in packs work, and what that would mean specifically for Yunho, Mingi, and our MC:

most of the time, babies are conceived in a heat or a rut, but it's possible for omegas to get pregnant outside of a heat, it's just that during a heat they are peak peak peak fertile, kind of like ovulation on steroids.

obviously the baby would be biologically just one of the pack members, I.e. Yunho or Mingi

However, in a pack setting the baby would be seen as everyone's child, so both Yunho and Mingi would be dads regardless of who is biologically the father, and it wouldn't change either of their feelings or depth of attachment.

It's very much an "our baby" situation when a pack is involved

Additionally, if a pack is bonded prior to conception, there is an added biological connection between anyone in the bond and the child. Basically what I mean is that if Yunho and Mingi both bond to Reader, then if they have a child regardless of who got her pregnant, biologically there's a kind of bonded tether between all of them and the child.

so given all those mechanics............. here's a little bit of what I picture for our little pack:

At the beginning of the fic, you might remember that Reader wasn't sure if she wanted kids or not.... but eventually and with a little time, she decides that is something she would want. And a lot of that is because she's with the right partners and would want that future with them

Yunho and Mingi are completely in but they're pretty much simps they would want whatever she wants

Yunho definitely always wanted kids and has that inner drive to be a dad

Mingi definitely wants it but is definitely terrified he's not going to be enough / going to fuck it up, but that's all in his head he'd be amazing at it

I imagine Reader gets pregnant outside of her heat and it's kind of a surprise, but a very welcome one

Mingi goes peak caretaker when she's pregnant

and Yunho goes peak protector

But for all their alpha confidence, they are very terrified something could happen to her. Mingi gets wayyyyyy too into trying to figure out the safest childbirth plan and Yunho is baby proofing the house like an insane person

until she's finally like OKAY YOU GUYS HAVE TO RELAX

and then honestly one baby just isn't enough

because they've never been so happy

because Yunho and Mingi both fully rise to the occasion as dads, and that baby is SO so so loved by them

and there's more I have in my head but it would spoil some stuff coming up, so i'll keep that to myself.

tysm for your question let me know if you have any others about my TNT universe!!

[silenzahra]

what are my favorites of yours? hmmmm, it might be easier for me to list what isn’t my favorite 🤪 (hint. It’s none.)

BUT, my dear bestie, if you MUST know which of your works are really up there for me, it’s definitely “Green, Orange, and a Bit of Purple” because??? The way you wrote the two goofballs getting together was SO SWEET, and it even inspired a bit of my luaisy portrayal 🤭 and OBVIOUSLY “A Lonely Flower”… hehe

Though my other favorites of yours would have to be “Biggest Fear” (and @dreamyluigi’s art only amplified that u can thank him), “Flying Together in the Sunset Light”, “Wordless Love”, and “Keeping You Warm”!! AGH you’ve just written so many fics that stuck with me and made me smile so much it’s taking everything in me not to just list them all emjshskwej

And don’t think I’m forgetting your headcanons girlie 🤭 I love Bookworm Luigi SO much, along with your musician bros (which introduced me to the lovely Estopa) and Luigi serenading Daisy. You’re constantly feeding my bros/Luaisy brain you have no IDEA. Keep on queening, my writing queen ♥️♥️♥️ ♥️

BESTIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEANSFAHGSOJDIFBKOPXFDGOVKDSJFASDGJFDGBDPFKBDFBLDFÑCLKOVJVNJDFHG 😭😭😭

OMG Boma, I swear this ask was a complete surprise after the one you sent me just a few days ago, and it put the BIGGEST smile on my face 🥹🥹🥹 You've literally picked SIX out of the ten fics I've written so far??? HELLO??? 😭😭😭 That's more than half of them OMG, it means so much more than the entire freaking world to me!!! 🫂🫂🫂

Aweeeeeee it makes me SO HAPPY that you loved the way I wrote our silly little babies getting together 🥹🥹 "Green, Orange and a bit of Purple" is turning one year old on Valentine's Day and I can never thank you and our dear @itsavee4117 enough for your support on my very first Luaisy fic!! I'm just THRILLED that it's your favorite of mine, OMG 😭😭😭

And the fact that it even inspired a bit of your own Luaisy portrayal??? Oh my GOD??? 😭😭😭 I swear I just can't get over it, dear bestie, I don't think I'll ever be able to express just how HONORED I am 🥹🥹🫂🫂 And of course I'm beyond elated that you also loved "A lonely flower"!! 😄💖 I LOVED writing that one and I LOVED posting it as a birthday present for you, and it makes me so happy that you enjoyed it so much!! 💖💖💖

Oh my God, "Biggest fear" has been getting so much LOVE lately, and I certainly am beyond grateful to @dreamyluigi for it!!! 🥹🥹🥹 I'm still NOT over the amazing piece he made nor the ask he sent me and I don't think I ever will 😭😭😭 And also that your love for it was amplified thanks to his fanart, dear bestie!!! 💖💖💖

Awww I'm so glad you still love "Flying together in the sunset light" and "Wordless love" so much!! 🥹🥹🥹 Those two really gave me all the feels when working on them, I just enjoyed them so so much!! It was great imagining what it'd be like for Luigi to use the Super Leaf power-up for the first time, and also having Mario and Peach share their first kiss while they were, well, flying together, hehe 🤭💖 And I just LOVED delving into some of Luigi's hobbies and just showing his and Mario's domestic life in the Mushroom Kingdom after a hard day's work. My heart just feels so warm knowing these two fics remain among your favorites, my dear bestie!! 🫂🫂🫂

"Keeping you warm" has also been getting tons of love lately, and again I'm MORE than happy for that as this is one of my personal favorites, hehe 🤭💖 Here I have to thank @megamagimugi for the AMAZING fanart they made, it was certainly the best way to celebrate its first anniversary, and again I'm so glad this is also one of your favorites from mine, Boma!!! 🥹🥹🥹 Just, I freaking LOVE your enthusiasm and your reactions to my writing, your support really means SO MUCH to me, my beloved bestie 😭😭🫂🫂

And OMG, you don't have only one of my headcanon posts as your favorites but THREE of them!?!? BOMAAAAAA 😭😭😭 I swear my heart is gonna EXPLODE, I don't even know how to express the joy that I'm feeling right now!!! It's so freaking AWESOME that I can share my passion for Estopa with you and that it was thanks to these random headcanons I came up with after listening to their latest album for the first time 🤭🤭 Luigi the Bookworm was literally me projecting myself onto my favorite character, hehehe, and I'm so so happy you love it so much!!! 💖💖💖

And Luigi serenading Daisy!!! 🥹🥹🥹 OMG you and @peaches2217, there you go again, making me the HAPPIEST woman on earth 💖💖💖 The babies dancing together and Luigi singing and making music for Daisy makes me so WEAK. They freaking melt my heart, so I just can't start to explain what it means to me that it's also among your favorite things that I've written, my VERY beloved bestie 🥹🥹🥹

ASKHWFBHEGREISGKODMNFD I WILL 🫡😭😭🫂🫂💖💖💖💖

I'll be sure to invade your inbox as soon as I can btw 🫂💖

[hippiegoth97]

Hi! I don't know if you do requests right now because you're probably working on a lot of upcoming projects, so don't feel pressured to write my request. I just can't get this idea out of my head; it's been on my mind for almost a week now. So, who better to ask than my favorite writer?! Anyways, reader recently came out as bisexual and is now in her first relationship with a woman, Chrissy, who's also bisexual. She is still new to the sexual experience with a woman, so Chrissy helps her out. I hope that's enough information for you to work with 💜

A/N: Okay, this has been sitting in my inbox forever, and my other projects unfortunately got in the way. But it's here, finally! I hope you enjoy it, I've never written Chrissy this way before! And I haven't written as much WLW fic as I'd like, so hopefully this doesn't suck! Thanks again for requesting, and *blush* thanks for saying I'm your favorite, it means a lot 💜

Content Warning 18+ Only, Minors DNI: smut, swearing, fem!bisexual!reader, bisexual!chrissy cunningham, fluff, LGBTQ+ themes, coming out, light angst, past relationships, oral sex, fingering

“Just relax, baby. Let me make you feel good.” Chrissy says as she looms over you on the couch in her apartment. Her eyes peer into yours, confident and reassuring. Your comfortable smile matches her own, the two of you having downed a nice meal of pasta and red wine before cozying up to watch a movie you'd rented. Of course, the film became far less interesting than each other's mouths rather quickly. And now, she's got you safely caged in, her body slotted between your thighs as her gaze offers you the world.

You've been seeing each other for a couple months after an initial blind date,  courtesy of your friends. That went as awkward as one could imagine, complete with fumbling hands and a drink spilled on someone’s blouse. But once the ball got rolling, sparks began to fly between you in no time at all. Chrissy is unbelievably sweet, and kind. She genuinely cares about your needs. And you do everything you can to be the same for her. 

You haven't always dated women, Chrissy is actually the first woman you've ever been with. Well, beyond the occasional drunken party make-out with Robin. It took you far too long to figure out you are indeed bisexual, denying your feelings and pretending. But at a certain point, it all clicked. You like girls as much as you like boys, and that scared the hell out of you when you first pieced it together. And it scared you even more to tell your friends about it.

You're pacing back and forth near the front door, waiting for your friends to arrive. You've invited them over under the guise of hanging out and having drinks. A typical Friday night. They have no idea what the real reason is, and how terrified you are. Tonight, you plan to come out of the closet.

You know you shouldn't be this freaked out. You really don't have anything to worry about when it comes to your group of friends. Robin is gay, Eddie (your ex) is bi himself and now dating Steve (also bi, obviously). And Nancy, Jonathan, and Argyle are the most supportive people in the world to all of them. You know they'll love you no matter what, that they'll be happy for you. But you can't help being a nervous wreck regardless, you've always been a chronic worrier. 

Before you have time to fake being sick and call the whole thing off, the doorbell rings. “Fuck.” You mutter, smoothing down your shirt and running your hands over your hair to straighten up. You open the door, finding five smiling faces waiting for you. Steve's got a couple six packs in his grip, with Eddie gripping a bottle of whiskey while his other arm rests around Steve's waist. “Hey guys, come in.” You smile nice and wide, opening the door further to let them inside.

“Hey, Y/N. How's it going?” Robin asks, pulling you into a hug with her hands full of chip bags.

“Great, now that you're all here.” You say, genuinely meaning it. The second you’ve seen them all standing there in the entryway, you know everything is going to be fine. These wonderful people are your family, after everything you've been through together.

“Always happy to be around, sweetheart.” Eddie chimes in, helping Steve set the booze down on your kitchen counter just off the entrance to your apartment. Even though you're not together anymore, Eddie still drops the sweet names he used to call you. It's nice to be on such good terms with him, your break-up actually went pretty well. You cared about each other, and had a lot in common. But things just weren't working, and you decided you'd be better off as friends. Besides, he's never been happier now that he has Steve. And fuck knows Steve is totally over the moon to have his love after a long line of absolute duds.

“Thanks, Eds.” You reply, immediately grabbing the bottle of liquor to pour some into a glass. 

“Eager to get the party started, huh?” Jonathan asks, giving you an odd glance. It usually takes a wee bit of playful peer pressure to get you to drink up, and here you are beating them all to the punch.

“Yeah. Why not?” You answer casually, knocking back a shot's worth before filling the glass halfway. You don't even bother with ice, you need the full sting of the alcohol to loosen your lips a little. Everyone else gets their drinks, and you all make your way to the couch and chairs in your humble living room. Nancy sits on Jonathan's lap on the sofa, Robin and Argyle taking the space beside them. Steve and Eddie take chairs side by side, while you stay standing. 

“Something wrong, Y/N?” Steve questions, noticing your fingers anxiously tapping on your glass. Now that you're standing in front of them, your confidence is resting on shaky ground.

“Uh, yeah. I just, um…h-have something I've been wanting to tell you guys.” You start, eyes darting between them and the floor. 

“You're not knocked up are you?” Eddie jokes, earning a smack from Steve. “Ow! Sorry, kidding.” He puts his hands up defensively, ignoring the disapproving glare from his boyfriend.

“It's fine. And no, it's not that.” You let out a dry giggle, partially wishing it really was something that simple. 

“Ooh, does someone have a new boy toy?” Nancy pipes up, drawing ‘oohs’ from the others.

“Nah, he'd be hangin’ off her arm right now if she did.” Argyle chuckles. The rest of them laugh, too, further detracting from what you're trying to do here. You grip your glass tighter as they go back and forth making comments and poking fun. You know they mean well, and you love them to pieces. But you need a damn second to say this before you change your mind.

“That's not it, alright!?” You snap, shutting them up. The group looks at you with wide eyes, and you sigh. “Sorry. It's just really important that I tell you guys this. It's been weighing on me for a while, and I need you to listen.”  

“It's fine, angel. We shouldn't have interrupted. Tell us what's goin’ on.” Eddie says apologetically, gesturing to give you the floor. 

“Okay.” You pause, taking a deep breath. “I'm just gonna…come out and say it.” You scoff at your own unintended pun. “I'm…” You clear your throat, and spit it out already. “...bisexual.” You finish, holding your breath now as the room is still silent.

“Is that all?” Steve asks, raising an eyebrow. You frown, and he elaborates. “Sorry, I just thought we knew this already.” He shrugs.

“What? No!” You cross your arms, getting defensive. You search the eyes of your other friends, finding no amount of surprise in them whatsoever. “You mean to tell me everybody knew except for me?” You ask in annoyance.

“To be honest, princess? We thought you did, too.” Eddie replies, bearing an awkward expression.

“Well, I didn't, so…” You say meekly, overwhelmingly embarrassed. They all knew. It makes you wonder, if perhaps there's some big, obnoxious neon sign on your forehead that says ‘QUEER’ on it. Bright and flashing for everyone to see, except for you. “God, I’m a fucking idiot.” You scoff again, shaking your head. You down the rest of your drink, storming off to the kitchen for another. 

“Y/N.” Robin calls after you, getting up from her seat to follow you. The others are only a step behind, on a mission to comfort you. Rob meets you at the counter, putting her hand on your shoulder as you pour a larger glass this time. You hesitantly meet her gaze, wondering what she'll say. “Y/N, you're not an idiot. Okay? We know how hard figuring this out is. Well, most of us, anyway.” She gets a small laugh from the others at that, as well as you. “Look, maybe we knew before you did, but that's not a bad thing. We've been where you are. Hiding, denying, feeling confused and afraid. But we love you exactly as you are, no matter what.” She pulls you in for a tight hug, and you gladly squeeze her back with all your might. 

“You're stuck with us, babydoll. Us queers have to stick together.” Eddie adds, making you laugh through your happy tears. He joins in the hug, followed by the rest of your wonderful friends. 

“Thanks, guys. I'm so lucky to call you my friends, my family. I love you all so much.” You say affectionately, muffled against Robin's shoulder.

“We love you too, man.” Argyle speaks on everyone's behalf, earning silent nods as they surround you in a comforting huddle.

“You okay, Y/N? You went somewhere else for a minute there.” Chrissy pulls you out of your own head, concern staining the smile on her face.

“Yeah. I'm fine. Where were we?” You answer, focusing on sharing this moment with her. 

“Well…” She smirks, lowering herself to kiss your lips. It's soft and warm, and heat pools in your belly. “...I was gonna go down on my girlfriend.” Another kiss, firmer this time, but still just as loving. “Is that what you want, baby?” She purrs, waiting for your permission.

“Yes.” You whisper back, earning her mouth on yours once again. Chrissy slips her tongue past your lips, tangling with your own. Quiet moans leave you both, the temperature in the room quickly rising. Her fingers nimbly open the buttons on your blouse, the fabric parting to reveal your bra. Her hands trail up your waist and over your ribs, meeting the plush cups covering your breasts. She's not shy about squeezing them together, getting a real feel for the size and shape of them. “Chris.” You moan as her lips leave yours to find your neck instead. 

Chrissy’s movements are completely self-assured. Simultaneously keeping you at ease, and driving you wild with arousal. You've never felt more comfortable getting intimate with someone than you do right now. Every kiss and touch feels like the best decision ever made, all by her hand. Though it's far too early to say it out loud, it's certain that you're falling in love with her. “Sit up, I wanna see more of my gorgeous girl.” Chrissy coos, backing off to let you up. You do as she asks, and she gently sheds you of your shirt before reaching around to your back. The clasp of your bra unhooks as if by magic, the straps falling slack from your shoulders. She gingerly removes the piece of underwear from you, revealing your pert mounds, nipples stiffened in the centers. “God, you're so pretty.” Chrissy exhales, finding your gaze again. 

“Thanks.” You blush, bashfully looking up at her through your lashes. The way she's admiring you with her eyes, it's like you're a mythical goddess she's vying to worship. No man has ever looked at you this way, not even Eddie, who was definitely the best of them. It's as if you're truly being seen for the very first time. “Baby…” You let out a small giggle, having to turn away as her stare burns into you with the power of a thousand smiling suns.

“Oh, honey. Don't look away.” Chrissy tuts as she guides you to face her again, her soft fingers leading your chin. “You are the most beautiful woman I've ever met. Can you really blame me for getting lost in your image?” She says earnestly, the words charging the air with intense sexual electricity. It's official, you're about one step away from proposing if she keeps this up. 

“I guess not.” You chuckle, unsure what else to say. Without another word, Chrissy leads you to lie down again. She follows you downward, her lips finding your collarbone next. She takes your bare breasts in her hands, sweetly massaging them in her palms. Her thin fingers and thumbs lovingly work your nipples, earning more quiet moans from you. Her mouth travels further along, meeting the top of your chest. The kisses she leaves are silky and warm, dialing up the simmering heat inside of you at a steady pace. 

Chrissy keeps going, her hands leaving your tits to be replaced by her eager mouth. She kisses every inch she can reach, making your head feel light. Her hands reach further down your body, unbuttoning your jeans and sliding the zipper down its track. She slips inside the opening, finding what she imagines are matching panties. She presses on, no hesitation as she maneuvers underneath the luxe fabric to locate your needy clit. 

“Fuck.” You moan as Chrissy's fingertips whisper over the sensitive bud.

“Oh, you're so wet, honey...”  She smiles against your skin, pleased to know how good she's making you feel. She swirls your slick around, toying between your folds, circling your weeping hole. Her lips continue to worship your tits, licking and sucking to keep the pretty sounds spilling out of you. Your thigh happens to be between her legs in this position, and she can't help grinding against it as she's becoming rather worked up herself. She sighs into your flesh at the friction, your head spinning even more at the angelic sound.

“Feels so good, baby.” You say softly, cradling her head in your hand. Her strawberry blonde hair is in a ponytail, it almost always is, giving you the perfect view of her gorgeous face. Her plush lips and succulent tongue toil over your left nipple, her eyes blissfully closed. You can feel her breath fanning hotly across your skin, hear the soft moans as she slowly continues to grind on your leg, while her hand keeps riling you up inside your pants. After a few moments of being entranced by her, Chrissy slips two fingers into your soaked cunt. “Oh, god…” You whimper as she fills you up, curling her digits to hit your g-spot. The motion is slow and repetitive, teasing you before the main event. 

She pulls her lips away from your addictive flesh, cupping your cheek. “I can't wait to taste how sweet you are.” She says softly, shifting herself off of your thigh to rest between your legs. Her hands reach for the waistband of your jeans, pulling them down along with your panties. You're left completely exposed to her now, knees tented to reveal your soaked pussy. Chrissy's smile grows at the sight, a twinkle of lust in her eyes as her gaze shifts between your face and cunt. “You ready for me, Y/N?” She asks, one final chance to make sure you're ready for this.

“Yes. Please.” You reply, without a care in the world for how needy you sound. A breathy giggle leaves her at that, and she maneuvers herself above where you desire her most. Her eyes flutter at the scent of you, musky and inviting. It's tempting for her to kiss your inner thighs first, drive you a teensy bit more insane before giving you what you want. But the unabashed begging in your expression makes her think better of it. Instead, she leans in, and licks a thick, wet stripe from your entrance to your clit. “Oh, fuck…” You gasp loudly, clutching at the couch cushions with your hands. It would be obvious to say you've been eaten out many times before, but nothing like this. It's like Chrissy’s tongue was made for you, setting your insides ablaze with a single stroke. You've never experienced anything so intense before, it almost makes you feel like you've gone crazy, or been dosed with some unknown drug.

“That feel good, baby?” She asks, gingerly gripping your thighs to hold you in place. She's both surprised and amused that you tried so hard not to squirm or buck your hips from one simple touch.

“Yes. So fucking good, Chris. Better than anything I've ever felt before.” The words pour out of you as if on command, all sense of control leaving your already sweating body. 

“Yeah? Good thing I'm just getting started.” She says lowly, more dark and seductive than you've ever heard from her previously. It nearly sends your eyes rolling back into your head. That is, until her tongue returns between your folds where it belongs. 

“Fucking christ…” You moan as she carefully circles around your sensitive bud, occasionally licking downwards to find every last sensitive nerve at your entrance. It takes everything in you not to grind into her face, or pin her down with your hands. Instead, one hand grasps the end of the couch cushion, while the other claws for the armrest above your head. It's all you can do to keep yourself even slightly together, and focus on the immense pleasure Chrissy gives you.

“So sweet, baby. Such pretty noises, too.” She praises between passionate licks. 

You can’t offer much in reply besides your shameless moans, hands squeezing the plush of the couch as she drives you near the edge. It won’t take much longer at all, it’s almost embarrassing how quickly Chrissy has worked you up so close to climax. Her tongue prods around the spot that sends your knees buckling every time, making your thighs jerk in her grip. “Fuck.” You gasp, hoping she’ll keep touching you…

“Right there?” Chrissy asks in a sultry tone, repeating the motion to get an answer out of you.

“Yeah, fuck, right there. Don’t stop.” You answer breathlessly, sweat gathering on your brow, and in the bends of your knees. You’re practically digging holes into the upholstery of the sofa at this point, nails clawing so deep when you wish they were buried in Chrissy’s silky locks instead. Self-control wanes from you, and you can’t stop twitching and mewling with every stroke of her tongue against your pussy. 

“So close already, baby?” She asks, struggling to hold your legs still while she eats you out. 

“Mhm, don’t stop..please, wanna…wanna cum.” You say desperately to her, dangling over the precipice of complete and utter bliss now. All she has to do is cut you loose and let you fall. You can’t hold back anymore, your hands taking control of her head before you even register what you’re doing. There’s a gnawing need deep inside yourself, and you have to help Chrissy relieve it. She moans against you at your forcefulness, allowing you to take some control. Your fingers are weaved deep inside her hair, your hips rolling furiously into her pretty face. “So close, so close…” You whimper, panting like a feral animal. Your insides start to quiver as your orgasm comes into view, bright twinkling stars threatening to flood your vision. Chrissy pushes you that much further by keeping your pace, working your weak spot and your clit in tandem. “Oh, god, oh, oh, OH…” Your moans grow louder as your high ramps up, and one perfectly placed stroke of Chrissy’s tongue sends you toppling over the edge. “Chris一 fuck!” You cry out as your thighs tremble in her grip, hips bucking without rhyme or reason as you cum hard on her face. 

“Mm.” Chrissy moans as she drinks up your juices, her eyes glued to the beautiful expression on your face in this moment. Eyes screwed closed, mouth agape in ecstasy, skin glistening with sweat as pleasure rips through you. It’s an expression she’s only seen once thus far, but it’s one she’ll strive to see again and again for as long as she knows you. She strokes your thighs gently as you slowly come down from your high, planting a warm kiss to your hip before pulling away. “How was that, honey?” She asks, words dripping with honey as she lays herself on top of you. Her weight rests carefully over yours, drawing your lust-drenched eyes to find her gorgeous face gazing upon you with even more admiration than before, if that’s even possible.

“It was the best I’ve ever had, baby.” You say with a satisfied smile, lifting your head to give her a kiss. You hum at the taste of yourself, and the plush warmth of her lips. You pull away a moment after, lips still brushing against one another as the fire is reignited in your belly. “Your turn.” You add, soft and confident. You’re ready to take your first try at this, because with Chrissy, every single thing feels easy.

[vampydemonartz]

✨ ANNOUNCEMENT: Art & Writing Commissions Are Now Open! ✨

Hello everyone! So as mentioned in my post on my other blog, I'm going to be opening art and writing commissions!

I've been really struggling to get a mainstream job, and my partner and I are struggling financially; so I figured opening commissions might help me earn a bit of extra money on the side while I'm looking for mainstream work.

In terms of what I can offer, I can do both art/drawing and writing/literature commissions. I can do both SFW and NSFW. Pricing will be listed below.

🦘 Please Note: Commission prices will be displayed in Australian currency (AUD). You may need to use an online currency converter to convert prices to the currency you use.

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☆. Art/Drawing Commissions .☆

I do both traditional and digital art. I'm honestly more experienced in traditional art and it is easier for me to do, compared to digital art which is a little more tedious and time-consuming for me. As a result, my digital art comms will be priced a little higher than my traditional art comms. Both traditional and digital art pieces will be fully coloured, complete with shading and detail. I do both SFW and NSFW artwork.

You can also request to add a simple/basic background for an additional fee. Pricing is listed below. ^.^

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✧. Traditional Art Comms Pricing .✧

Headshot/Bust Portrait: $15 AUD - Adding another character to this drawing will be an additional $10 AUD

Full Body Drawing: $25 AUD - Adding another character to this drawing will be an additional $20 AUD

Add A Basic Background: $5 AUD

Side Note: You can also have the physical copy of the drawing shipped to your mailing address, if you like! the price will vary depending on where it is being shipped. :)

See drawings below for reference. [click individual images to expand image]

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✧. Digital Art Comms Pricing .✧

Headshot/Bust Portrait: $25 AUD - Adding another character to this drawing will be an additional $20 AUD

Full Body Drawing: $35 AUD - Adding another character to this drawing will be an additional $30 AUD

Add A Basic Background: $5 AUD

See drawings below for reference. I apologise for not having a lot of more recent digital art pieces btw! I haven't done much digital art in quite a while. ;v; But don't worry, my art style and drawing anatomy has obviously improved since a few years ago lol. [click individual images to expand image]

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☆. Writing/Literature Commissions .☆

My writing commissions are generally priced at $20 AUD per 1,000 words. I do both SFW and NSFW literature. I can offer several different services, such as:

Literature & Fics - This includes fan-fiction, OC storylines, smut/erotica, short stories, etc.

Non-Fiction Writing - This includes book writing, blogging, ghostwriting, article writing, YouTube video scripts, etc.

Editing & Proofreading - This mainly applies to books in particular, but I can also do this for blog posts, articles, etc.

Unfortunately, I don't really have much work to list as references for my writing, aside from some of my blog posts from my Daemonolatry blog. I can also provide an excerpt from the book I'm currently writing too.

Writing Example #1 - Satan's Prayer

Writing Example #2 - Deity Fusions And Syncretism Within The Daemonic Pantheon: A Mini Post

Writing Example #3 - A Daemonolatry Prayer/Rite For Samhain

And here is an excerpt from my upcoming book:

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The idea of writing and publishing ebooks and zines came to me whilst I was working on a Tumblr blog post in my drafts that was turning out to be much longer than I initially anticipated. I had discovered zines only a couple of years ago as of writing this, with the first zine I ever read being “FYMA: A Lesser Key To The Appropriation Of Jewish Magic & Mysticism” by Ezra Rose; But it had somehow never occurred to me that I could write and publish my very own zines… until now.

While I had initially planned to write and sell extensive books on Daemons and Daemonolatry when I first got into writing and blogging back in 2022, I’ve come to find that the thought of putting such knowledge exclusively behind a paywall would personally feel shady and disingenuous, as there are far too many people in occult spaces who are much more focused on grifting for profit and scamming people out of their money rather than providing genuine information on Daemonolatry and the occult in good faith.

While it’s understandable to want to monetise one’s creative endeavours given the capitalistic doomscape we currently live in, that isn’t what I’m speaking out against here. I’m talking about the individuals and groups who promise you great power, experience, and spiritual enlightenment in exchange for a large portion of your hard-earned money; a worryingly common form of snake oil salesmanship that has existed for a long time in occult spaces, and still occurs to this day. I’m talking about those who claim their literary works contain “forbidden knowledge” when it’s nothing but rehashed surface level information that’s relatively easy to find on your own through simple research.

When it comes to Daemonolatry (and even more so in theistic Satanism/Luciferianism), I’ve encountered quite a few blogs and books that do just that. A lot of these literary works are largely fabricated and sensationalised for the sake of making their scrawlings and “services” appear much more interesting and arcane than what they actually are. Furthermore, in order to further mislead and manipulate those who simply want to learn about something they take interest in, the author writes like they’ve eaten and regurgitated a thesaurus and then mixed glitter into their word salad vomit to make it look glossy and pretty. But upon further inspection, it’s revealed to be utterly nonsensical and devoid of any real, detailed, or accurate information.

I’ve grown to become quite frustrated with this sort of dishonesty and fraudulence in occult spaces, so I’ve decided I would try and offset some of this as well as give back to the community by providing knowledge and information free of charge to those who wish to learn about, work with, and venerate the Daemonic Divine.

The primary purpose of writing and publishing my zines/books is not to profit from it. Demonology is something I am passionate about, especially given that it is my main autistic special interest, so I figured it would be fun to write books/zines on for those who share the same love and interest in Daemons as I do!

❞

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I'm currently having some issues with my PayPal, so unfortunately I cannot accept payments through PayPal at this time. However, I have designated the donations goal box on my Ko-fi page to receive payments for commissions.

If my commissions take off, I'm going to see if I can try to list them on my Ko-fi store so they can be purchased directly from my Ko-fi page.

If you'd like to commission me, feel free to DM me with the details! ^.^

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⋆｡°☆. Pay Commissions Here

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+ . . . Divider Credit . . . +

[normal-thoughts-official]

On Ram's flaming chariot when he arrives to arrest Bheem

Ever since I first watched RRR, it always drew my attention how Ram arrived to get Bheem. I mean, there's the obvious part where flaming chariots aren't known for their functionality, but it's more than that. Why a chariot? He's only bringing himself, he doesn't need a goddamn chariot. Where did he even get that shit? He only has one horse, and that horse isn't anywhere to be seen. Ram's horse is brown. The horses that lead his chariot are white.

...Obvious symbolism of that aside, I've been wanting to sink my teeth into this particular piece of metaphor for years now, and I think I'm finally ready to write a little something. So let's dive into it

Disclaimer I'll try to keep brief: I'm about as far away from India as I can possibly be (Brasil), and, while I'm thinking of converting to Hinduism, Brasil has a laughable Hindu population so I've just been teaching myself about it, which is far from ideal. I've read some of the Rig Veda, part of the Mahabharata, and am currently about halfway through the Bhagavad Gita. So obviously I'm nowhere near the knowledge level of someone who grew up in India and/or Hindu, and I'm sure I'm only scratching the surface here, and everything I say might even be obvious to someone who's already familiar with these texts. But this was my learning journey about this part and I've enjoyed it, so I'm sharing it. If anything I've said is inaccurate or offensive, let me know! And feel entirely free to add whatever you feel like adding if you're familiar with Indian and/or Hindu thought.

So the first thing I want to note here is that the fire started at the wheels, most obviously the back wheels. As you can see in the gif that illustrates this post, the moment he arrives, the two front wheels aren't yet on fire; that changes by the moment we see it last.

I'm not gonna say this is the Ashoka Chakra wheel in the Indian flag because it doesn't have 24 spokes (I counted 14 in this one) but I think not associating it with the dharmachakra in general is hard to do, considering this is a movie about pre-independence India. The crucial think here is that wheels represent time, not even just in Indian thought, so I don't have to explain this one. And if wheels are a functioning cycle of time, then I think it's safe to say that the burning wheels are a cycle broken. That cycle, of course, is the first act; Ram's relationship with Bheem, the camaradarie that they shared. It's all about to be shattered, entering a new era of their relationship, and the fire on the wheels represents that.

Fire has many significances in Hindu thought (I'll get to that later on), but for this one I'm just gonna focus on the destruction and creation part, because it's most relevant and most obvious. Also, he completely thrashes the chariot (I'll get to that in a minute too), so I think it's safe to say the destruction part is meant to be highlighted.

So, Ram arrives, and only the back wheels are burning. I think this signifies that there's still a little bit of time, something that hasn't been broken in their dynamics, represented here by the wheels. But seconds later, when he's already left the chariot and let it burn, it's all over, and that's why in the last shot we see of it all four wheels are burning. And then, of course, one of the burning wheels hits Bheem.

That's Ram's first actual blow to Bheem, even if nothing indicates he meant for the wheel to hit him. I mean, it speaks for itself. Before Ram even started hitting Ram with his body, he shattered their relationship, and that was a blow big enough to send Bheem, a man who fought a tiger and won, reeling. This is the hurt the betrayal has already caused Bheem, manifested in the form of this shattered relationship directly hitting his chest, ending the cycle once and for all, not only because then the wheel is well and truly gone (note that it only shatters once it hits Bheem), but because once the hurt and betrayal has already hit Bheem, there's no going back to what their relationship once was.

Awesome (not!). Let's get further into the chariot itself now, and what it means for Ram to completely thrash it.

So the first and most obvious level of metaphor here is that the chariot Ram is riding is a war chariot. This model with 4 horses has been typically used for war in Indian epics, so I think the first thing it represents is Ram's will to fight Bheem, yes, but also his inner turmoil. He's at war with himself, as we've seen in the previous scene he was in, punching the walls until his knuckles bled. Fighting Bheem means fighting a war against not only the Gonds, but also actively himself.

Crucially, it's not a war Ram expects to come back from.

And I'm not even just talking about the fire.

The first thing he does when he arrives is let go of the horses.

Second thing is get the fuck out of there.

And then... Yup, no more chariot.

So, if Ram arrives in the chariot for war, and he doesn't plan to have it for long enough to like, go back... I think this signifies Ram not expecting to ever go back.

I think that's more metaphorical than literal - there is no turning back; their relationship won't ever be the same and Ram won't ever be the same, either. But there's also a literal component to it, because, I think, Ram expects (hopes) for that to be his last war. Because if, after doing this, he gets promoted to the Special Officer rank, then his fight will supposedly be over. Which is interesting, because that's supposed to be only the beginning. Getting the weapons is supposed to be the means to the end of liberating his people, so after that there should be many more battles - the real battles - to come, against the British. But Raju has forgotten about the ends and is completely convinced all he needs is the means. So, he thinks of this as his last battle because he completely lost sight of what (and who) he is fighting for.

But there's another, more important layer to this, because this isn't just a chariot. This is - and I'm fairly certain this is extremely obvious to people already familiar with Indian and/or Hindu culture - Arjuna's chariot.

The design of the chariot itself is a little different, but the important part, which is that it's a chariot led by four white horses, is there. It'd typically have two wheels instead of four, but I think this part is less relevant than the symbolism.

In the Mahabharata, Arjuna's chariot is articulated as a metaphor for the way to reach enlightenment, as expressed here:

Having mounted the chariot that is yoked to the great elements and restrained by the buddhi [intellect], the soul of beings [bhutatman] drives about everywhere. Yoked to the assemblage of senses [as to steeds], with the manas [mind] indeed as the charioteer, ever restrained by the buddhi, is the great chariot made of brahman. (source)

This is also explained in more detail here. The short of it is that this is the path to Dharma (duty, in the most relevant meaning of the term for Ram's situation). The chariot itself is supposed to be the body, and contained in it is supposed to be the soul. The charioteer is the intellect, which through the reigns (mind), controls the senses (horses). This works better when there are five horses (I've seen depictions with both 4 and 5 horses, but in Raju's case we have 4), but I've also seen interpretations where the four horses represent the senses, the mind, the willpower, and the intellect. Thus meaning that the horses are the tools we have at our disposal to achieve Dharma, but they must be under control and led by an unified charioteer if we want to get somewhere.

You know, exactly what Ram isn't doing.

Before we get further into that, I'd just like to quickly point out that, if the horses are the senses (typically 5, including in Hindu philosophy), and there are only 4, I believe that the last one that Raju still keeps with himself is...

There's certainly not much to taste or smell in this battle, so these are all but irrelevant. He's obviously deaf to Bheem's pleas, and numb to any of the hits he's been dealt, hm... Probably since his father died. The one thing that's still present is his sight. Which is why he's so careful not to look at Bheem until they start fighting for real, because if he actually sees the consequences of his actions, the devastation in Bheem's eyes, he just might break. It's probably the last part of himself that's still present in his scene - he's certainly feeling as little as possible and thinking as little as possible - and so it's the one he's careful to conceal.

Okay, back to the chariot and Ram completely thrashing it.

This goes without saying, but you can't achieve your Dharma if you destroy the chariot. That is the opposite of what your ass should be doing. Krishna isn't blowing the chariot to hell, he's leading it. Crucially, you're supposed to be in control of it. Ram is not in control of it, he's out of control. Which, unlike the previous part, may seem paradoxical, since he's holding himself so carefully here, repressing himself so deeply. But that repression isn't born of a control of the senses - it's born of trauma. He's dissociating (again). We can see clearly when that starts because we see Ram's breakdown right before deciding to arrest Bheem. He's screaming, crying, punching the wall, and then he sees his bloody knuckles, has literal flashbacks, and his face goes blank. It's not just the doubt that it's over, it's every feeling; the pain, the attachmnet to Akhtar, even the will to get to his objective. It looks like resolve, but, if anything, he's empty; he's not no longer struggling because he's resolved the situation within himself, but because he's completely erased it. There's no room for thought, only mindless following.

Which is why the first thing he does is get rid of the horses - the senses. From that moment on, Ram is no longer feeling anything. He's also certainly not wielding the "inner powers" as put in the interpretation of the four horses chariot. Instead, they're running astray, disconnected from him. When he gets off the chariot, this is symbolic of him not thinking, no longer being in control of his own mind. If the charioteer is the intellect, then the lack of it means a complete lack of thought; pure action without purpose.

And while the chariot itself represents the body, it is crucial to remember that, riding it, is the soul. So when it gets blown all the way to hell, it's not just his body he's destroying - it's his soul. By forsaking Bheem, Ram is forsaking himself. And, of course, there is no Dharma without a soul. He believes he's doing his duty, to achieve his essential mission in life, but it's the precise opposite; he's forsaking his duty, his soul, and himself. He's turning into something unrecognizable, to a point where for all intents and purposes there should be no turning back.

That is the crucial part, in my opinion: destroying the chariot means destroying himself, ruining his chances of achieving his goals, and forsaking his soul. That's what Ram's been doing from the moment he decides to betray Bheem.

With the chariot explained, let's talk about the fire.

As has been thoroughly established in the entire movie, Ram is the fire. That is the first layer of symbolism that's always present in the movie. But also, fire is an essential element in Hindu thought; the Rig Veda, the first of the Vedas, dedicates more time to Agni (God of fire) than any other deity. And fire itself represents a lot of different things, but I'll be focusing on the following:

Transformation/rebirth

Purification

Creation & destruction

Sacrifical offerings

The connection between the human and the divine

Transformation and rebirth

The most important thing to note here is that this is Ram's first appearance to Bheem after recovering from the snake bite; it's also his first appearance to him as Ram The Officer. This is very important, because, so far, unlike everyone else, Bheem has only known Akhtar's Ram, who is always smiling, mischievous, helpful, and has a mentally healthy glow about him. And then before him appears the Ram that has existed for the last four years; closed off, unreachable, unbreakably bound by duty, sworn to their oppressors, meeting the DSM-5 criteria for dissociation, etc.

To Bheem, this is a completely new Ram, one he cannot recognize. And the previous Ram has such a hold over his heart that he still attempts to ressurrect him, even though it's obvious he's dead.

Ram's rebirth is so complete they even do they trope where they take as long as possible to show Ram's face, which is usually reserved for a new character. Of course, here it also serves the purpose of building Bheem's tension as he realizes just who it is that has arrived to stop him, but I think that, combined with the fire, the fact that for all intents and purposes Ram should have died after being bit by the snake, the makeover, the return to the complete lack of emotion... All of that goes to show that, for all intents and purposes, the Ram Bheen had known is dead and this is taking his place. This is Ram's rebirth, and while this "new" Ram is actually very old, he also definitely required the death of the previous Ram to resurge.

What's interesting to me is that, to Bheem, this is Ram's first appearance after being bit by the snake, but we, the viewers, actually had one other glimpse of Ram before this ressurrection - Ram punching the walls in agony as he tries to decide whether or not to betray Bheem, ultimately deciding to do so because he sees his bloody knuckles and remembers his father. What kills him is not actually the snake; what kills him is his memories. He snuffs out the happy Ram, Akhtar's Ram, and locks it away with everything else about him in order to remain a living corpse; his death wasn't caused by the snake, but by the explosion on the village, which should have killed everyone, and killed Ram, too.

Thus, he is not only being reborn, but is re-dying. Akhtar's Ram was never real, even if in many ways, he was more real than Officer Ram. He was always going to exist briefly, on borrowed time. So, this is less of a new death and more the continuation of an old death, coming back to reclaim what little life it left behind. It also marks a shift in who Ram is to the audience; that brief glimpse was enough to reassure us that Ram has a motive behind all this, one we don't understand yet, but one that obviously goes beyond bootlicking. Even if briefly, our faith in him is reborn, before being killed as well when he mercilessly beats Bheem until Bheem has no choice but to fight back.

So there's a lot of deaths and rebirths happening here, for Bheem, Ram, and the audience alike, and this is a very important aspect of this ressurrection (and I'm saying ressurrection as opposed to reincarnation because this is a version of Ram we had seen before). Ram will die and be reborn more times after that, but thankfully, those are better reincarnations.

Purification

I think the fire here - especially considering it's on the chariot itself, the part where his soul is supposed to be in Krishna's metaphor - represents Ram's desire to cleanse his soul of... Akhtar. Something so difficult to do that, it's worth noting, he calls Bheem Akhtar for the entire duration of the scene. He only starts calling him Bheem during the flogging. He's still hanging on to Akhtar, the person he knew who had nothing to do with his mission, who got his head away from the mission (so much so that he didn't even remember to show him the portrait of Lacchu and ask if he knew him!), who made him feel like himself again. He's already decided that he's going to forsake him for the mission, as he's forsaken so many parts of himself, but that is an impossible task. And in Ram's state of mind in that moment, he sees that as a stain on him, almost a temptation to try to keep him away from what he believes to be his Dharma. So it stands to reason that he wanted to purify his soul from Akhtar, from his attachment to him and desire to help him and be by his side, in order to be ressurrected as the detached officer who only sees his mission again.

Creation and destruction

Creation in Ram's head, destruction to anyone with a brain, really. This ties in with the "purification" part. By "purifying" himself of his love for Akhtar (lol. lmao) Ram is trying to recreate himself and, in doing that, create a path to the fulfillment of his mission. In his mind, he's attempting to create the better, liberated world his father envisioned. What he's actually doing, obviously, is oppressing his own people and getting in the way of a liberated future. He's also by no means recreating himself, but rather re-destroying himself back into the barely-human Officer Ram with no emotions, no thought, and no discernment of good and bad. He is losing his way, as he himself said in his letter to Seetha, but he doesn't realize that. Rather than burning away the impurities, his fire has become a hungry kind of fire, eating away everything Ram actually needs to be himself. What he's doing is completely destroying himself, Bheem, and their relationship.

(But that's okay, because destruction is necessary for recreation, and they will build it back together, in time)

Sacrificial offerings

Also ties in with the last two. The obvious sacrificial offering here is Bheem, whom he still hasn't realized he's not willing to sacrifice for his goal. But there's more he's sacrificing here, which is, again as represented by the exact part of the chariot that's burning, his own soul. He has sacrificed so many parts of himself already I think he barely even realizes that's what he's doing, but it definitely is, especially considering the death & rebirth aspect of this analysis. Ram is killing and destroying himself to try and achieve his goal, which leads us to the last part:

Connection between the human and the divine

If we interpret liberating his people as Ram's dharma, and assume that he confuses that with just getting the weapons (mistaking the means for the end), we will also see that all the meanings of fire contained in this analysis (rebirth, purification, creation/destruction, sacrifice) refer to the ways in which fire can be used to achieve liberation or bring us closer to the gods. And indeed, Agni works as a messenger of the gods, which is why fire is used to make sacrifices for them. Ram is doing all of this in order to achieve his dharma, including sacrificing his own soul. Which is why none of that works and takes him nowhere, because there is no dharma without soul. He has confused his own goals so badly that there is nothing to be expected but total collapse.

Which is why his chariot doesn't burn away in silent offering, but rather crashes and burns in the most literal sense, going completely astray, leading him nowhere. This is Ram's point of no return, and it symbolizes the complete destruction of everything he's worked for. This rebirth is also a death of his true goals, and that is why it will lead to Ram losing himself. The next time we see him, his pendant will be on his left wrist, symbolizing how out of touch with himself he is. This is Ram reaching his lowest, losing his way, and it will only be found again through yet another death and rebirth, this time even more extreme, so he can try again and find the way to his destiny - and the only way he can do that is through repairing his relationship with Bheem, the erroneous sacrifice that led him there in the first place.

[ochrearia]

Treat's On Me

[Scheduling this for midnight Christmas Day] Happy Secret Santa @cosmogify! Got you on the randomizer. I don't really know if this is anything but I've never written Mic before so I tried. Considered writing for Berry but I had an idea with Mic so that's this. Also I kind of made a little shit up so apologize if that's wrong, I couldn't ask about it without giving away what I was doing lol. Hope you like it Lunar <3

Slight TW for mild talk about eating disorders, I think. It's not really mentioned by name but it's very clearly implied. Heed the warning

BFs in this one-shot: fightin!BF (Mic, Lunar's), Yourself (YS)

“Looks like you and I are now both rocking the big puffy pieces of clothing, huh little man?”

YS didn’t get to hang out with some of the other selves he’d gone to meet as much as, say, the original four he reached out to. But then you could argue that he spent the most time with the first eight as an extension. And honestly after the number ten he’d very quickly lost count of how many there actually fucking were. But that was fine. The more there were, the more likely that he could go pester someone instead of having to be alone. He had to work on that eventually, being calm enough to be on his own, but for now he definitely wasn’t.

Today he had the rarer pleasure to sit around and waste time with Mic. Mikey? YS wasn’t sure, he was probably going to just call him Mic. Or little man, because he had a habit of doing that for all of them. Since so many of them were so much shorter than him. Heh, could use them as armrests. Even when he was sitting.

Okay, maybe that was mean.

“Mine was a gift!” Mic responded happily, tail wagging back and forth to stress the point of his excitement. “Look! Look look look, look it’s got angel wings on the coattails, and rockin’ spikes on the shoulders, and it’s really cool!”

“Yeah, it sure is.” YS agreed, amused. “The wing motif makes sense with how big this thing is on you. They’d drag on the floor if you were any shorter.” Hah, if I still had my wings, and in the hypothetical of you having them, they absolutely would drag on the floor behind you.

“Mean.” Mic pouted, laying himself over the back of the couch where YS was relaxing. “You’re just jealous that mine is cool and flowy and yours isn’t!”

“Literally two different types of clothes we’re talking about here.” YS shook his head, amusement never faltering. “Yours is a jacket. It’s meant to cover, but more loosely obviously. Mine’s a hoodie. When has anyone worn a hoodie that didn’t have the purpose of turning themselves into a snug sack of shit trying to simulate a permanent hug?”

“Is that why you wear it all the time? You want to go all day wearing a hug?” Mic prodded teasingly.

“Ah… well…” Shit, guess he walked right into that one. “Maybe. I dunno. Shit’s dumb. But a bunch of the others pooled together to buy this for me. I think it was a custom commission? I’m not really sure where they got it, none of them ever told me. They just showed up with a gift on any old day and gave it to me, as if I’d done anything to earn it. I don’t really think I did by that point but they insisted. And I didn’t want to be rude and reject it, so, yeah. And now I guess I never take it off. Well, lying, I have to wash it. But that’s besides the point…”

YS paused, catching sight of Mic, who seemed to be completely zoning out with the thousand-yard stare the other was giving him while he talked.

“Shit, I’m rambling on a bit. Sorry, I do that sometimes, just talking because I can. I’m boring you, aren’t I?”

Mic blinked, before shaking his head, his normal energy returning to him. “Nah! That’s nice! Mine was a gift too! Wait, I already said that… but it’s true! Dee and Stacie got it for me! It’s gonna be a team jacket I think!”

YS regarded him curiously. “You think? You don’t actually know? Well, I suppose it’s not surprising that we’re all a bunch of stupid shit airheads…”

“Yeah!”

YS snorted a laugh at how enthusiastic the smaller man was being. Even with when he was arguably being insulting, going head-first into whatever he said. Mic was always full of energy like that, though, from what the taller could tell. Suppose he had to be considering what his own life was like. He didn’t know much yet, but it seemed like he was an avid fighter? Though what kind of fighter he wasn’t really sure of.

“Suppose we also share the whole thing of having big puffy clothes that hide how thin we are.” YS dared to venture after a moment. Was this a good idea? Who knows. But it was something they had in common, and YS would otherwise be grasping at straws trying to find something to talk about.

Mic’s energy visibly lessened, but not by too much that YS would have to fear that he went too far. “Yeah… I have to be like this though. Need to be able to move quickly, have fast reflexes and stuff. And with all of the exercise I get I don’t really get to keep much if that makes sense. Always working off any extra weight!”

That’s not the full truth and we both know it, little man. YS shrugged, knowing it might not be the best to go into full depth about it when he and Mic hadn’t had a lot of time together yet. But it was rarer to meet another self that had no issues than meet another self that had almost the exact same issue he did.

“I don’t really… retain that much either.” YS was dancing around the real word. Of which would be that he didn’t really eat much either. It was harder to tell how skinny YS stayed when his hoodie was always on. Despite it being snug, it made him look more filled out than he actually was. “You kind of just can’t see it all that much with the hoodie. The others are always doing their best to try and get me to eat more, and I know I should, I just… usually never have the energy.”

YS frowned, pausing to keep a watch on how Mic would react. He seemed content to just listen, for now, like he had nothing to say. Or maybe he did have something to say, a lot to say. But he didn’t want to, or didn’t know how. Oh well. Baby steps that could be worked towards later.

“It ends up being a never-ending cycle, though. I’m too tired to bother to eat because I’m depressed and shit, and then I don’t eat enough, and then I really never will have the energy. Tired down to the bones and nothing ever fixes it because I don’t do what I need to when it comes to, well, living. At least, that’s how it was at the start.”

Mic cocked his head to the side, curious. “At the start?”

“Yeah.” YS met his gaze again, trying to convey a bit of a hopeful attitude. “When I was alone. Before I met any of you, dealing with the loss of my girlfriend with no one left. Quite honestly, I don’t really know how I even made it out alive in that period. I don’t even really remember much I did during that, but I know I didn’t take care of myself.”

YS was leaving out the whole… tearing his wings off thing. Mic didn’t really need to know that. No one needed to know that but YS was shit at keeping his mouth shut. Some of them knew. A handful more knew he was an angel. Mic might already know that too, but maybe not.

“But then I started. Meeting my other selves, yknow? And they… care a lot about me, which I don’t know why they would, but they do. And they’ve noticed my bad habits. Started making their own habits to try and balance them out. Some of them are entirely blunt with it, outright stating they’re going to kick my ass if I don’t eat something. Some are indirect. Leaving me with extra leftovers they suddenly don’t want anymore, or showing up with stuff because they ‘bought too much’ and thought I might want it.”

This probably wouldn’t do much. He was rambling too much about shit that Mic probably didn’t even want to talk about to be honest. Stuff like this sometimes could hit a nerve that no one wanted to be irritated. Knowing that what you were doing was bad, and doing it anyway, because you felt like you had to or just couldn’t break the habit once you were in it.

“You know what?” YS strayed off suddenly, deciding that this approach might not do anything substantial. “What do you say you and I go out and get some of the most ridiculous fast food we can find? Don’t worry about not knowing the city here, I know it enough. We could go around to whatever we can find and see if they have anything disgusting enough to buy. It’ll be on me. How’s that sound?”

Both of them could use a meal, to be honest. Might not end up being at all healthy, but sometimes food was food. Anything to fill an empty stomach was better than nothing. And it could be made into a game. YS just hoped Mic would play along. 

Mic’s energy sprouted back to life. “Exploring out in your world? Ooo, sounds fun, sounds fun! Let’s go do that! I want to see how different everything is compared to mine!”

Well, at least he managed to turn it around. That was good. YS just hoped that when the time came he could convince the smaller to sit down with him and pig out on whatever the fuck they could find. Maybe if YS showed that he could eat, then Mic would decide he could also eat.

YS grinned at him, placing a hand on his head and ruffling, making sure to avoid the halo. “Alright, little man, try not to implode with excitement. Let’s go fuck around and shit. But we can’t stay out in the open for too long while it’s this cold or I’ll turn into a giant freaky popsicle.”

“Can’t take the cold huh? Your fault for being so tall, you have more surface area that can get cold, unlike me! Hah! A benefit to being small!” Mic teased, practically bouncing off the walls while YS got up from his lounging.

“Ha ha, very funny. Even if I use my shapeshifting to get smaller I still can’t take the cold all that well. Another reason I’m always wearing this stupid hoodie.”

You’re certainly not helping yourself with the cold by leaving yourself so thin either, YS. How painfully self-aware are you going to get before you start doing something about it, huh?

YS sighed, stopping right before the front door. Mic almost ran into him from behind, not expecting the sudden pause. The smaller peered at him curiously.

“This year’s almost over, you know?” YS mumbled, rubbing his thumb against his hand. “Not too much left in it to do much of a change at all. The whole New Year’s tradition of making a goal is corny as fuck, but, yknow, maybe there’s something to it if you make a real promise.”

Mic tilted his head again. Curiosity was a big trait of this self, it seemed. “But it’s not New Year’s yet. Isn’t it bad to share your resolution before it’s here?”

“I think you’re mixing that up with birthday wishes.” YS grinned, rolling his eyes fondly. “But you have a point. It’s not New Year’s yet. I still think it would be nice to maybe come up with something while we’re out. And then we can maybe make promises to each other to try and hold to what we want to do next year. Does that sound fun?”

“Oooh, yeah, yeah! And then whoever fails on their resolution first has to do a forfeit!” Mic replied, grinning mischievously.

“A forfeit within reason, sure.” YS agreed after a moment. “Guess we have a lot to discuss then. Come on, let’s go before the sun gets any lower.”

[softodettes]

2024 fic writer end of year round up!

i was tagged by @maethologies and @siobhanbooks (thank you besties!!). if i tagged you in this, take that as a sign that i'm tagging you to participate! 💗

1. How many words did you publish on AO3 in 2024?

as of this afternoon: 89,916 words! i wanted to hit 100k published, but the second half of the year really put me through it.

2. How many fics did you complete this year?

10 oneshots!

3. How many in progress or ongoing fics did you start this year?

i posted 3, and i have 3 more that aren't posted that i'm working on with plans to post next year.

4. What was your favourite thing you wrote?

i really love read it and weep. i love playing Wordle so much, so it was fun to combine that with FW for a cute fluff piece.

i also love i wanna touch you but you're too far away. it was probably the first smut fic that i confidently posted, and it's one of the only fics i've posted that i reread because i just think it's really good.

5. What piece was your most experimental or different from your usual style?

they're both very tame, but visions of sugarplums is my most "out-there" and niche AU. it's 3rd person present, which is something i've played around with in shorter one shots, but this is the first time i used it in a longer fic.

vacation (all i ever wanted) was also different! it was my first poly fic, so trying to balance all 3 people and their relationships with each other was definitely new for me!

6. Did any fics surprise you - either while writing or their reception?

after resurrection for sure!

a lot of people in this fandom hate Brennan (which is valid, don't get me wrong!), so i never expected more than a handful of people to read it. so when it hit 100 kudos a few weeks ago, i cried a little because it has grown above and beyond what i ever imagined, and i'm continuously blown away by the positive reception it gets.

7. Do you have a fic you wrote and loved that went under the radar? (This is your sign to reblog/repost it!)

there is pretty much no plot, but i love the imagery i used in and if i could give you the moon, i would give you the moon. and i'm plugging i wanna touch you but you're too far away again because i think it's some of the best smut i've written.

8. Who is an artist that inspired you?

on instagram: _clxarts, 0jem0, rosiethorns88, cuddlydevil1114, and rosedskies

on tumblr: @ann7av, @taumoebaa, @flaviedub, @rosalynnart

9. Who is an author that inspired you?

@taumoebaa, @maethologies, and @widebrimmedhatsblog all inspired me this year (especially during kinktober!)

10. Who is a new author you discovered?

literally everyone in this fandom! i obviously can't tag everyone, but people like @siobhanbooks, @hockeyspiral23, @pretty-pleaseee, @heartfeltletters-written, @shipmistress9, and @dbac2822 and so many others wrote some of my favorite fics!

11. Did you do any collaborations? How did it start?

i did not! maybe 2025 will be the year of that, who knows.

12. What accomplishments are you proudest of?

that i posted 89K and wrote 123k words. before this year, the most i'd ever written was probably around 3k words for papers, and i managed to blow that number out of the water within the first month of writing.

i also managed all of that while in grad school full time, especially this fall when i was taking something crazy like 20+ units, and i'm just really proud of myself for making time for this hobby that i love. (but it's no wonder i burned out for a bit towards the end of this year LOL).

also posting for kinktober! if anyone remembers my mini crash out in september, i was so, so nervous about posting smut. but @maethologies, @widebrimmedhatsblog, and @heartfeltletters-written were so encouraging when we were all preparing for kinktober, and i'm so glad i posted because writing smut is just so fun lol.

13. What did you learn about writing or creating this year?

writing is hard and it sucks and it can dredge up old emotions and open wounds you thought were healed, but it can also be wonderful and fun and make you feel happy and connect with others, which makes the trade-off worth it.

14. Any advice you’d like to share with new or aspiring writers?

that idea that's been hanging out in the back of your mind? i want you to open your notes app and just start typing, because you might just surprise yourself. writing those first words is one of the most terrifying things you'll do. posting those words is also terrifying. but there are plenty of people who will want to read what you have to say... you just have to take that leap.

also, you will be your biggest critic. it's very hard, but please don't get stuck in a cycle of negativity because it can kill your motivation. i promise that whatever the small voice in your head is saying about your writing isn't accurate.

15. What are your creative goals for 2025?

i want to finish AR, start properly working on suburban legends and reverence, and post some of the fics that have just been sitting in document purgatory. i also want to keep fleshing out my writing style and to improve my grammar knowledge (english is my native language but it's still hard!)

i also want to stop comparing myself to others! it's normal to feel envy and jealousy, but comparison really is the thief of joy, and i want to spend more time celebrating my writing accomplishments, rather than focusing on what i wish i had or the crazy things i want to achieve in the future.

and i want to read more!! a lot of my fic reading fell off towards the end of this year, so i want to make an effort to carve out time to read and comment on works and support other authors.

[walkingstackofbooks]

Fanfic Writer Interview

Tagged by: @a-most-beloved-fool - thank you!! <3 <3 <3

What fandoms do you write in? At the moment, pretty much just DS9, though I've written one TOS ficlet this year.

How many words have you published in 2024? 139, 411 😅😅 Absolutely bananas, I cannot even comprehend how I did that!

It's been an absolaute delight to properly fall in love with writing this year though ❤️Before 2024, I'd written very little fanfic ever, and this has been JUST so much fun! (ftr, 3.5k in 2021, ~3k in 2015, and - huh! Almost 30k in 2011/12 🧐 Well, that's a surprise - apparently my "baby's first fanfic" back in 2012 was a whole 20k, which is far longer than I remember!)

What is your greatest achievement this year? I mean, Vision Awry for sure! Seeing it grow and grow and slowly realising just how long it was becoming (although even right up to the end, I was never able to guess accurately!) My crazy summer marathon to get it all written before I resumed posting (which I did mostly manage!) and then the last few weeks in December pouring my heart and soul into actually finishing it before the end of the year. It's completely mad that I did that!

(Although weirdly, now it's finished it's just kind of like 'yeah I suppose I did that, feels ages ago now though' and I feel like I have to really push myself to feel the pride and excitement I think I should be feeling? Idk, it's weird 😅)

What are your top three fics you've written this year? Oh gosh, I have to choose? Okay...

Vision Awry - obviously :P

Sleep Paralysis - that mad, 3-day blitz of inspiration was so worth hiding away in my room for 😅

Um, unpublished, but the Miles&Julian-talk-about-suicide ficlet I posted on Tumblr? It was far better than I expected when I read it back, and was a higlight amongst the rest of the December writing-is-hard feels.

What was your biggest pit of despair moment? There were definitely many times during Vision Awry... the biggest were probably either:

Re-starting Day 5 in August, after writing nothing during June and July, and reailsing I had no idea what was going to happen in Day 5 apart from the deaths at the end;

Writing Epilogue 3 in the last few weeks, only eking out 1-300 words at a time unless I overdosed on meds (😅 it worked tho...), getting increasingly convinced that I was not going to be finishing by the end of the year, which sucked; or

Any time I realised the scene wasn't working because of X thing which meant I would need to totally rewrite it. I don't do drafts, really, so that was always devastating 😭 (but DID work out for the best, at least)

What have you learned? SO, so much. I'll limit myself to three things. (I'm sorry, I'm no good at choices or being concise!)

That if I have an idea, ideally I need to write all of it, straight away, and finish it while it’s fresh. I honestly don’t know how many WIPs I’m actually going to finish, because even while I love many of the ideas, I’m not in love with them the same way I was when I started.

That I love writing Garak and Julian interactions, even though I keep forgetting that I do, because Garak is an absolute pain to write sometimes (affectionate), and I've never been the biggest fan of stories that are solely Garashir.

That I need to be super careful about opening up prompts, because while they’re great for short-term motivation, if I don't complete them in a timely manner they end up hanging over me in a less-than-fun way.

What three fics have you read this year that you love? I do not know where to start with this one, omg, there are too many <3 <3 <3 Trying to think of ones I haven't mentioned before... (and while I'm trying to be better, I'm so bad at bookmarks 😅)

After The Siege by @youngpettyqueen - I didn't know I needed Worf&Julian but this has stayed in my mind since April and I love it to pieces. This dynamic is soooo gooddd 💕💕

The Recitation of Names by @jennelikejennay - Incredible, haunting, pre-TOS Spirk fic about the events mentioned in Obsession.

By Design by @akingnotaprincess - I haven't finished it yet (I am SO hype though, I just haven't had time over Christmas!) but it's SUCH a lovely Data/Julian fic, it's so sweet and sincere and wonderful.

What ideas are percolating for next year? Ughhhh, oh man. Idek. I've got about a dozen WIPs but the way my brian is rn, I'm just hoping that I'll be able to edit and publish some of the things I've written on Tumblr to finally put on AO3.

Hopefully I'll get going a bit more at some point - and whatever it is, you can bet on a traumatised Juian, I'm pretty sure ;)

Who do you want to thank? Again, where do I even start, there are so many people who have made this year wonderful 💕 I've never really felt like I've been *in* a Tumblr community before, and this year has really changed that, so a huge thank you to everyone who's made me feel so welcome! 🥰

@ectogeo-rebubbles, @the-last-dillpickle, @hellostuffedtiger for welcoming me into the Sloanshir side of DS9 with aplomb. Waking up to your reviews and recs of Imprisoned was actually unforgettable, it made my day many, many times over, and definitely gave me confidence to continue putting Julian into fucked-up situations!

@jackleg-penwright for messaging me and becoming my first Tumblr friend ❤️❤️❤️

@flippetyfloppity, @dreamerdrop, @phoenixfeathersinfall - your comments are life and love itself, your support for my writing this year has been incredible and made me feel so warm, thank you just so much! 🫂🫂🫂

I'm kind of High Key Anxious about missing anyone out if I tried to tag everyone else who has been supportive and wonderful and lovely, which sucks because I really want to, but if you've ever left a comment on anything I've done, PLEASE know that you are held in my heart most fondly with great love and affection 💖💖💖

tagging: @jackleg-penwright, @dreamerdrop, @ectogeo-rebubbles and anyone else who would like to!

[amethystina]

For the wipe tag game:

May I inquire about :

The devil's due ( I have been hooked since the first chapter that u posted. It's such an interesting idea with so many possibilities)

The gentle light ( will we get more of yohan's poverty?)

Thank u, and have a nice day 🩵

Thank you so much for the ask!

The Devil's Due

Oh man, this one. I am hooked on this one too, but I keep holding it off because I know it'll be pretty long and it's also going to be pretty, uh, sexually charged? And that intimidates me x'D

But yeah, I LOVE the idea and the possibilities it offers. It's a story that would focus on Ga On and Yo Han's relationship without the power imbalance of them being chief and subordinate. That's to say that Ga On is going to be even feistier than in canon, if you can believe that. And he's going to be more aware of his sexuality and what he actually wants — or who, I guess I should say.

The main plot would really just be Ga On getting to know Yo Han — and Elijah — during different circumstances. And the biggest conflict will be the fire and whether or not Yo Han caused it, plus Yo Han trying to open Ga On's eyes to the corruption in their country. The main portion of the fic would be set a couple of years after the first chapter, and a couple of years before the start of the drama. So they're all a little less jaded and, since the situation is so different — Ga On isn't sent to spy on him, for one — Yo Han won't be as defensive. But he's obviously also going to be, well, Yo Han. He's working as a normal judge, trying not to draw too much attention to himself — biding his time for his revenge, and all that — but he would definitely not mind having some fun with the bright-eyed, reformed delinquent he saved from a life as a criminal.

As a treat.

As with many of my WIPs at the moment, this fic is mostly just a collection of lines of dialogue from various scenes, with no connecting text around them. So there are no complete snippets I can show, but I can say that the first time they do something sexual together it's because Ga On has finally had it with Yo Han's teasing and flirting and just marches into his office — at Yo Han's work, yes — and goes:

Ga On: "Fine. Let's fuck."

Yo Han, after a small pause: "Right now?"

Ga On, very scathingly: "Do you want me to schedule an appointment?"

Yo Han: "You're an absolute delight when you're angry."

There are reasons why Ga On is being so blunt, I want to point out, because he wouldn't usually be. Again: Yo Han and his manipulation tactics.

... and yes, they do have sex right then and there, in Yo Han's office. Which is one of the reasons why I'm afraid to write this. I'm way out of my depth here x'D

But I will continue eventually! I like the story way too much to give up on it :)

The Gentle Light

As for this one, I was kind of shocked to realise that I have a lot more written on chapter 2 than I initially thought. It takes place right after the first chapter, so basically Yo Han's side of the very loaded conversation that takes place during chapter 7. I've just been adding bits and pieces here and there when I've felt like it and now I have almost 4 000 words. Imagine that.

Here's a snippet!

---

Yo Han slowly walked up the steps leading to Kim Ga On's apartment, his hand sliding along the railing. The metal was cold against the mess of scar tissue on his palm, sending a chill up his arm. Yo Han paid that no mind, focusing instead on taking in his surroundings. While he'd known Ga On's address ever since K did the first background check, Yo Han had never actually been to visit before.

There had never been a reason for him to — until now.

As Yo Han finished climbing the first set of stairs, his gaze swept briefly over the terrace to his left, then flicked upward, toward the rooftop. There was apparently another terrace up there, but it was dark for the time being and therefore not of much interest to Yo Han.

Instead, he turned and looked out at the surrounding buildings. The neighborhood was as run-down as he'd expected, debris littering the streets and the majority of the buildings in desperate need of repairs — some even looked abandoned. Or perhaps the owners had simply given up, choosing to huddle inside the dark, decrepit shells of what used to be their homes, waiting for the end to come. That seemed common in these parts, where unemployment and hopelessness blanketed every house and street corner, sucking the life out of those few remaining.

Yo Han could tell it hadn't always been that way, though. There were glimpses of a once lively neighborhood hiding underneath the grime and despair, the descent probably having happened slowly over time as the economy kept getting worse and worse — money getting tighter and tighter. And, eventually, whether they wanted to or not, the people had no choice but to give in.

It made sense, Yo Han supposed, for Kim Ga On to have grown up in a place like this, where he'd had to watch what he once knew wither away and fall into disrepair in front of his very eyes.

That deeply rooted disdain for the rich must have come from somewhere, after all.

---

A lot of what I have so far is basically just Yo Han sauntering around in front of Ga On's apartment, observing things and drawing conclusions about Ga On. It's kind of adorable in it's own way xD But things obviously take a very dramatic turn once Ga On shows up, some of which I've shown before in snippets that you can find here.

I can't promise I'll ever post this, though, since I'd obviously have to finish it first and this is very far down on my list of priorities right now. But we'll see, I guess? If I keep chipping away at it one piece at a time, eventually it will be finished.

I hope you like it! And you have a nice day, too 💜

WIP Tag Game

[theclearblue]

Is it bad that I feel personally victimised by WCI or am I just being dramatic?

I don't think so anon, I think the themes of family in WCI are some of the most personal and nuanced Oda has ever done and while tragic in so many ways, I think results in the best way of conveying how powerful found family is but also how someone can have complicated feelings towards their blood family.

Throughout all of One Piece, you can see this through line of found family and how blood relations isn't what matters in who you consider family (The ASL brothers, Bellemere and Nojiko for Nami, Kuina for Zoro, Zeff for Sanji, Saul for Robin, Tom and Iceburg for Franky, and while not a strawhat, Corazon and Law deeply affected me as well). This is obviously a trope Oda has liked writing for a long time and one he does well, but (with somewhat the exception of Marineford/Post-War arc with Whitebeard and Ace), WCI is the first time he really dives into these themes of what family is, and what I really appreciated, how messy it can be.

(I uhhh wrote a lot after the cut so be prepared for that)

And it's not just Sanji in this arc (I'll get to him though don't worry), from Germa, from the Big Mom Pirates, and the Firetank Pirates, so many characters are acting as narrative foils to Sanji and dealing with family related trauma, and responding to it differently. The ones that really got me were Pudding and Katakuri though, and they're pretty similar to each other as well. I've talked a little bit about Pudding already here so I'll talk a bit more about Katakuri instead, but it hit me really hard when he made a temple for himself, and he lets the rumors fly about "his back has never touched the ground, he's praying to a god of war, no one has seen him eat" and it's just. Him laying on his back, eating donuts happily. And the scene is kind of silly and funny right, but I kid you not my New Year's resolution this year was to just, try to be more comfortable in my living room/kitchen without thinking everyone is going to judge me for, what? Eating? Watching a show I like? Completely normal things, but if you've ever grown up in a house where just, EVERYTHING you do is picked apart and criticized by family, it's easier to just shut yourself away in a room and hide it. And isn't that tragic? Katakuri projecting this image of strength that his family asks of him so much that he feels he has to hide completely normal things like lying down and eating? I could go even deeper into this character but this is just one example of a character's complicated relationship with his family, where he hides so much of himself for them, but also it stemming from a place of love after what happened to Brulee when they were kids.

And now to talk about Sanji. Ohhhh where do I even start with this guy. As kind of a sidenote, if you've seen any of my posts from Thriller Bark through Punk Hazard, I was really struggling to like Sanji as a character and I didn't make that a secret. Which was upsetting to me because, from Baratie-Enies Lobby (and really good moments at the end of Thriller Bark and Saoboady) he was a favorite of mine! And at times I thought his character was done pretty dirty where he was stripped down to a singular gag and Oda leaned into it way way way too hard. But it's immensely satisfying to me to see all the little seeds Oda planted for so many years come to fruition in Zou and WCI, to the point I think he's turned from being the most one note strawhat to the most nuanced and layered in the span of a singular saga. And that was incredible to see.

I think what really captivated me about Sanji from the beginning were how strong and rigid his convictions are, and that even though he's kind of a rude brat (I say that with love lol), he's so undeniably kind, even to a fault. And with his first backstory we see how a lot of his rigid rules he's made for himself come from, it's from Zeff. He doesn't hit women, he'll feed anyone who's hungry no matter what, and he learns to fight to protect people he cares about, but he isn't really a fighter in the same way Luffy and Zoro are, and that's made clear in his desire to protect his hands in a fight so that he can do what he really loves, and that's to cook. A lot of what makes Sanji who he is today is shown here, but Oda was smart in showing aspects of Sanji that clearly don't stem from Zeff without telling the audience why for the longest time.

He shares the dream of the All Blue with Zeff, but where did it come from? Zeff is kind of similar where he has this hard exterior but underneath is kind as well, but it's taken to another level with Sanji where it becomes self sacrificial. Throwing himself down the mountain on Drum Island, taking the lightning bolts from Enel for Nami and Usopp on Skypeia, boarding the water train alone to try and get to Robin, and most prominently, at least for me, him trying to take Luffy's pain at the end of Thriller Bark instead of Zoro, where he very clearly places more value on Zoro's dream and life than his own. That was the moment to me that made me really realize he does not see value in himself, unless he's providing something he deems useful. And if the situation calls for it, he'll throw his life and dream away if that makes him "useful" not realizing that the crew don't see him as this dispensable thing like he sees himself.

And all of Sanji's strengths and flaws as a character just come to make this perfect storm and mess that is Whole Cake Island. And the kindness that is Sanji's most definitive trait is so clearly not in this family, at least not seen at first. His brothers are made to have no zero empathy and beat down on him constantly, verbally and physically, and Judge just watches and doesn't care, eventually just hides Sanji in a cell and pretends he's dead. Because he was physically weaker and human. And yet he continues to cook because he loves doing it, he remembers his mother's kindness, and his dream of the all blue is formed in a small dark room and just. This got to me big time. Not to get too personal but the set of expectations put onto Sanji by his family, ones he can never live up to and finding passion in something his family finds to be worthless and a waste of time. Finding an escape in books and finding his dream there even though everything around him is hell. Slowly realizing the extent of cruelty that his father will go to as he grows up. Very unfortunately for me this might be the most relatable character I have ever come across in regards to my own experiences. I'm someone to voice my thoughts on things even if nobody else cares (hence why I've been liveblogging on here since Drum Island I think lmao) but while watching Sanji's backstory it affected me like nothing else ever has. It's not even something that made me cry really, I was just in shock after watching it for awhile. And Reiju saying to Sanji, "There are people out there who will accept you for who you are, you need to get out of here" which is so similar to what Saul said to Robin and even similar to what one of my sisters said to me growing up. Yeah. I also felt personally victimized by Whole Cake Island lmao.

But the end result of Sanji's arc is so beautiful and amazing. Sanji putting on this act of looking down on Luffy, and once again trying to sacrifice himself to protect those that he cares about, but Luffy just cuts through the bullshit because he knows that isn't really Sanji talking in that fight. Luffy's speech as Sanji is being driven away where he says that he can't become the pirate king without him by his side. This isn't an original thought but Sanji and Zoro both kind of represent different aspects of Luffy's dreams. Zoro with a seemingly impossible ideal and putting 100% of yourself into it. "I will become the greatest swordsman." "I will become the pirate king." But Sanji's dream of finding the All Blue reflects Luffy's dream of finding the One Piece. They both don't know if either of those things are even real (the audience at this point knows the one piece is real, but to my knowledge and where I'm at, Luffy doesn't). Yet there's this childlike wonder they both have about these dreams, because, what if it is real? Luffy knows that Sanji is irreplaceable because of the ideals that they share, not because of what Sanji can provide or be "useful" as.

It takes so much for Sanji to go running back to Luffy, and even when he does, he obviously gets insecure again and starts listing off reasons why he isn't worthy enough to go back to the Sunny and to the crew. And God is it satisfying to see Luffy absolutely rock his shit for saying that and asking him to just SAY what he really wants. And Sanji breaking down and saying how much he misses the Sunny and the crew and also airing out how he feels backed into a corner and doesn't know the way out, that he wants to help his family even though he doesn't consider them family and he KNOWS it doesn't make sense, he is being kind to a fault again. But Luffy smiling at him and saying "Well, that's just how you are. Let's go crash the wedding." That's when I started sobbing lmao, because there is such unconditional love and kindness in that statement that Sanji has so desperately needed ever since his mother died. Someone who just accepts him and all his faults wholeheartedly, and is that not the most beautiful representation of family??? His relationship with his blood family is so messy and complicated and full of mixed feelings(and that's very common), but his feelings about Zeff and Luffy and the rest of the strawhats are so clearly full of adoration and unconditional love for them, and they feel that same love for him as well! How lucky all of them are where they found their people, and how everyone else in this world has that opportunity to find the space and people they truly belong to, not tied down by blood. Whole Cake Island's themes on family were so well done and also fundamentally changed me as a person I think.

[shiroselia]

Guess who completely missed I've been posting on Ao3 for over a year now, so to celebrate that almost two weeks later, behold! Self-promo!

I know, I know, but I suppose since I've been going for a year(???) now I might as well give a little Summary on what the hell I've been doing over on the Ao3, and also have a bit of fun with it in the process.

So, who the hell am I? I'm Manda Shiroselia EquestrianEquivalent, and apparently I'm an Ao3 publisher now. Sentence I never thought I'd say, but here we are!

What do I write? Well, primarily I write for Fire Emblem, Honkai Star Rail, and Star Stable Online. More precisely, I'm a character dynamics connossieur, which means I'm mostly writing character interaction and/or ship-focused fics because that's what I find the most fun! I generally average about 3-5k on my oneshots, but there are shorter (and longer) ones, so if length is something you're particularly picky about, you'll have variety in there, promise.

My personal favourite choices of the Fire Emblem variety are, coincidentally, my two most recent Fire Emblem fics! Soft Pegasus Feathers, and Dream of Me.

Good stuff, fun times, huge self-reccs of mine.

In terms of HSR, well, I've written. a lot of those, but I'm particularly, well, well-known might be a stretch, but those of you who subscribe to JingFu might recognize me for my most popular fic, Better Luck Next Time, or for my newest piece of insanity, KONTORSRENOVERING.

Better Luck Next Time is probably the best introduction to my writing style you will ever find, especially since it's kind of responsible for me finding my style, and it's also incredibly funny, if I do say so myself.

KONTORSRENOVERING is a great introduction to my particular niche, which I like to describe as "It could've been a fanart, but I'm glad it's a fic." If you read it you'll know exactly what i mean by that! Both of them are fics I hold very near and dear, so obviously I recommend each of them in particular.

And as for what I write for SSO? Well. I don't know if you have ever sorted that tag by word count, but if you have, you might have come across a certain little fic called A Quintessential Jorvegian Summer Vacation.

Which is, well, a lot of things. It's the entire reason I started publishing on Ao3 to begin with, my life's work pretty much, arguably my magnum opus really, and the entire reason my friends both discovered and has since never let me live down how fucking nuts I am.

It is the most taxing out of all my works, since, you know, check that chapter count:word count and you'll understand. I'm currently in the middle of reposting the last 4 chapters, because yes I've rewritten every single one of the first 24 chapters and counting, and once that is done, I'm going to rewrite the entire fic. Which is really just a first draft into a second draft, but considering how much I've changed as a writer throughout the 10 months I wrote this behemoth of a fic (first draft clocked in at 280k words so you can imagine how much effort this fucker took), it needs some maintainance.

With that being said, even if you don't know what the fuck a Star Stable Online is, I genuinely suggest you check this out anyways, because I legitimately think it works really well as just a standalone horse adventure magic fantasy. And a tragedy. Apparently. Supposedly. According to my friends who know too much about this fic.

It's going to take a fuck ass while to publish this entire thing, and I talk about it all the time on this blog, but there is so much love put into this fic, and I'm not abandoning it ever, it will be published, mark my word.

So that's essentially a "quick" summary of what the fuck I'm doing over there at the Ao3s. This mentioned like half of the roster, so there are a few more things over there if you're curious. And there's more to come, like a lot more to come.

For example, I'm currently working on two longer HSR fics, one starring Himeko and Pom-Pom, and the other starring Jiaoqiu featuring Bailu and Lingsha. I've also gotten way too into Zenless Zone Zero, and I'm definitely going to write a few fics for that, so far every one of them featuring Nicole. Other than that I have a lot of silly Fire Emblem ideas lying about (most of them related to Awakening, which means more Chromia in particular), and I'm no stranger to just throwing out a fic for the hell of it, so you might even be surprised!

And with that, Manda out, and happy late Ao3 anniversary to me <3

[thelaurenshippen]

Hi Lauren!

I really want to say something so I surely hope that this is not offensive in any way. If it is then feel free to correct me, of course.

I recently started listening to the Give Me Away podcast (which for anyone not in the know is absolutely fantastically written and voice acted and one of the best pieces of audio drama ever) and all of a sudden you're in it! While I listened to your character I was suddenly overcome with how proud of you I am for how far you've come since TBS. I listened along to that as it was released and you're like a whole other person now.

(To be clear I am obviously viewing you from the outside so how I see you could be completely incorrect.)

Maybe I'm overthinking it and it's just the writing for GMA but even seeing your posts on here you're so much more confident now.

Hopefully my rampant over-clarifying for things that may not need clarification to begin with has made me not come across as rude.

Anyway it's been so nice to have you in my life these past (almost) 9 years and I can't wait to see what you do next.

hey!! thank you SO much for this message, it is so so sweet!!! I totally agree about GMA - I think it's one of the best shows out there right now and when they asked me to be a part of season 2 I was OVER the moon!!!!

and it is genuinely really nice to hear that I seem like a totally different, more confident person! I definitely feel that way, so it's wild that it's noticeable from the outside. I was 24 when I started The Bright Sessions (and oh my gosh, I sound SO young in that first season!!!), I'd spent most of the year incredibly ill, and I had no idea what I was doing! now I'm 33, and I've made hundreds of episodes of audio drama and my life is totally transformed as a result of making TBS.

thank you so much for being along for the ride these past 9 years!! it's so special to me to have been a part of each other's lives for that long :)