#it's the executive dysfunction innit

[pondering-the-blorbs]

i'm like a real life version of when you tell your sim to do something but they just keep standing up and sitting back down and not doing the thing

[f1zzlest1ckzz]

all i ever wanted is here

word count ; 2.1k (oops)

pairing ; fem!lightfog

extra ; jackie washes nicolette's hair for her ,,,, yaaaaay lightfog yuri ... theyre so obnoxiously soft. anywho

Pushing open the front door, (that was left unlocked, mind you) Nicolette leant herself back in a chair with an ‘Aaaaghh’ sound. She'd been out signing autographs throughout the afternoon and, though she loved all the attention, it had become too loud and too much and she, now, was finally able to chill out a bit. She thought she was alone, after all.

Jackie had let herself in earlier on. Her excuse would be that she had nowhere else to go, but she liked going through Nikki's stuff and using her cutlery and her cups. She liked knowing Nikki's mouth had once been on whatever she was eating or drinking with, so she always made it a point to have tea or cereal when she was at her's. Speaking of, she had a bowl of cereal in her hands. It was sort of stale, like all food in Wellington Wells, but she didn't mind all that much. It was something, at least. 

She was sat up on one of the kitchen counters, which were typically cluttered with bowls and cans and bottles, but she'd cleared them before she'd hopped up. ‘Why didn't she just sit in a chair?’ you may ask. It was so that if anyone came into the house, they wouldn't immediately see her. The way the kitchen was built was that there was a wall blocking a view over the oven and counters from where you'd be stood in the front door, no-one was spotting her at a first glance.

That being said, upon hearing the door open, she put the bowl down and, instinctively, picked up her cleaver, ready to butcher someone bloody if it wasn't Nikki. Pushing herself off the counters and stepping a little past the wall, she looked around, not immediately spotting Nicolette, who-

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST,” Nikki jumped and accidentally pushed herself off the chair she had relaxed on, falling against the wall and whacking her head in the process. “Fucking hell, Jackie..” She whined, rubbing the back of her head.

“Oh!” Jacqueline smiled wide, “It's you!” 

Nik scowled, “Well, yeah. You think someone else would waltz in here if the house wasn't theirs?” She rolled her eyes, noticing the weapon Jackie had as she looked up again. “Whyyy do you-”

Jackie went to explain, but.

“You know what? Don't want to know.” She shrugged, grabbing the arm of the chair she was initially on and pulling herself up again with a sigh. Back on that chair, she leant back to support her neck and let her head ache less. “Fuck's sake.” She complained.

Walking over with a gleeful jump in her step, Jackie placed her knife down on the coffee table, within reach (just in case), and sat herself on Nikki's lap. She leant right to lay against her obsession, then twisted herself a little to hold her still and kiss her neck.

Nicolette sighed again, the affection being just what she needed, though she'd never say. She wrapped her arms around Jackie while she was kissed, having a tight grip on the back of her blazer. She hummed, feeling warm from flustering.

Bringing up a hand from Nic’s neck, Jackie gently put it in her hair, brushing through it with her fingers during kisses. She pulled away for a second, “Your hair feels gross,” she said, rather bluntly. Stopping her kisses altogether and sitting up on Nicolette's lap, Jackie spoke again. “When did you wash your hair last, buttercup?” 

Nic whined when Jackie pulled away, but didn't physically stop her. She just begged with her eyes for her to keep kissing her. She looked away, “Hmmn…” then shrugged.

“You don't remember?”

Nic shook her head, still not looking at Jackie. She felt a little guilty, not looking after herself. She used to have to. She hated it. The constant routines were so much to keep on top of, and with Joy in the mix, it was hard to remember. She hadn't really had a proper hygiene routine since her days of exclusively being in magazines. Not that she was dirty, per-se, just not washing consistently. No one really noticed, so she didn't care.

“Ohh, daaarling,” Jackie affectionately copied the tone of Nic's whining, “you know you have to look after yourself.”

“I know.” Another sigh, “It's just hard to remember, that's all.” She shrugged. Jackie looked after her too much, she thought. She could take care of herself just fine, she didn't need someone else's interference. Though … It was nice to feel important in a way that wasn't fake. Despite always being fake, Jackie felt real to Nicolette. She was fucking crazy, there's no denying that, but her true colours weren't hidden behind a mask or screen. The mask she wore suited her now.

Anyway, Jackie thought for a moment. “I could wash your hair for you, if you'd like.” She leant down again, against Nic, and twirled her lover's hair between her fingers, “Not that you'd need me to, I just like being helpful.” She tried to come up with some other incentive for Nicolette to let her. “And, besides, I won't be kissing your neck much anymore if your hair stinks of cigarettes.”

Nic growled. “Fine. Whatever.” 

Jackie let out a manic-sounding giggle, gently pushing herself up from how she was sat into a stand. She brushed at her skirt with her hands, pushing it back into its usual shape after sitting, then went to turn on the hot water in the bathroom. 

As she waited for Jackie to call her over again, as she usually did, Nikki took an extra Joy, hoping it would numb the oncoming headache. Joy didn't give her much of the ‘overly happy’ symptoms, unfortunately. Didn't bypass the depression she'd been dealing with for years, but it was good at numbing the particularly tricky emotional halves of things. And it tasted good, which was probably why she liked it so much. Either way, it's not like Jacqueline was gonna notice. Hopefully.

She had been weird about Nic taking Joy since she stopped being able to. It actually made her quite angry. Whether it was jealousy or not, Nic wasn't sure. She had convinced herself that that's what it was. Jackie was jealous that she couldn't be constantly happy anymore. Nikki never really got it, actually, as Jackie seemed happy without Joy anyways. Maybe it was a front, maybe she shouldn't worry about it so much.

“Water's sorted!” Jackie said from the other room, snapping Nic out of the train of thought she found herself in. “Can you bring a cup through too, buttercup?” She paused, “And maybe a pillow?”

“The hell are you gonna need a pillow for?!” Nic yelled back, gathering the things as instructed. 

“Well, I don't expect you to sit on the floor like an animal. Not at this hour.” Jackie giggled at her own joke, then went quiet and waited. 

Nicolette rolled her eyes and made her way to the bathroom with a well-stuffed pillow under her arm and a cup in the other hand. Jackie moved out of the way, stood against the wall as she watched Nic put the pillow on the floor, infront of the bath. “Stop looking at my arse, perv.” Nicolette hissed, putting a hand against her skirt and over her ass as she bent down. 

“I wasn't! I wasn't.” Jackie looked up at the ceiling, smiling mischievously. She loved to admire Nic, better than anyone else could. She'd been admiring her for years, she knew where each individual mole or stretch mark was placed by memory. She acted as if Nic had been drawn on by gods, the way she worshipped every mark.

Nikki crouched, then got on her knees on the cushion she'd put down. “So, uh,” she started, “how's this gonna work? Do you want me leant over the bath, or?” 

Jackie put her hands on her hips, like she was about to tell off a child. “No, silly.” She said affectionately, getting to Nic's side. “This would have been much easier if you had brought in a chair. Uhm,,” She didn't want to be bent down for too long, as it would ache, but there wasn't really a way to avoid it. She sighed, “If you'd turn around, love.” 

She put one hand on the bath and the other on Nicolette's shoulder, trying to keep balance as she also got down to the floor. Nic, hesitantly, did as she was told and turned, back against the bath and her head leant over it. This wasn't going to do her headache any favours.

Jackie kissed Nic's cheek, “Good girl,” she said, a smile across her lips, then pulled herself up again using the bath as support. Stepping over Nic's legs, Jackie filled the cup with lukewarm water and put it on the side. She then bent herself over a little and gently placed her left hand under Nic's head, supporting it as best she could. “Stay still for me, buttercup.”

“Mmhmm.”

Grabbing the cup again, Jackie poured it over Nicolette's hair carefully, making sure to not wet her face. Whatever spray Nic had in her hair was stubborn, and the back of her hair was still frizzy and kept shape after the water initially drenched it. “I'm going to let go of you for a second. Stay.” Jackie instructed.

“I'm not a dog, Jackie.” Nic growled, trying to focus on anything else. She hurt, the moisture was uncomfortable. It would have been much easier to not wash her hair at all, but someone is insistent about taking care of her.

“Your conditioner is almost empty,” Jackie commented as she picked it up from the other side of the bath, the side closer to the wall. She, at this point, had sat down on the side so she wouldn't hurt as bad. She put her hand under Nicolette's head again, and dripped some conditioner onto the middle of her hair, combing it in with her fingers after she put the bottle down.

Its style soon came out and the hair obeyed her hands, the clean foam covering them. She then filled the cup again, and poured it again, bubbly water splashing down into the bathtub. She gently scratched at her scalp, getting any remnants of conditioner out of her dark brown hair.

“Have you got any shampoo anywhere, pet?” Jackie tilted her head, softly smiling down to her star. 

“Uhhm,,,” Nicolette didn't want to say no. What would Jackie think? Nic would only be disappointing her more from not looking after herself. She closed her eyes, not wanting to look at her with guilt.

Jackie chucked a little, “that's okay. Just conditioner and water will do for now, sweetheart.” She went to fill the cup again.

“I'm sorry,” Nic apologised quietly, watching Jackie and listening to the drip, drip, drip of her hair, that was forming a murky puddle of water in the tub.

“Pardon?” She tilted her head again, putting more water over Nic's hair and brushing it through once more while they talked. “What for?”

Nicolette sighed. “For having to take care of me! I'm an adult. I can-”

“Hushshshsh.” Like I've said, she loved looking after Nic, it made her feel special herself. It took her a moment to come up with comfort, then she spoke, focussing more on Nicolette's hair than on her wording. “I adore you, darling, and none of this is a burden on my shoulders. Besides,” she smiled, “you're doing such a good job.”

Nicolette blushed under her happy-mask, “W- well, uhmm, uh,,” She went quiet, then continued, “thank you.”

“Almost done now, dear.”

When she'd finished, Jackie gestured her hands to tell Nic to still stay where she was while she went off and looked for a towel. Why none of this was in her bathroom, she didn't know. Well, she did. Nic kept towels upstairs by her room, in case she spilt a drink or threw up and needed it cleaned. It was an ease-of-access thing.

Nicolette did get tired of waiting for her girlfriend's return, however, and stood up with her hair still sopping wet. She growled again, shaking her head back and forth like a wet dog. Not that it would dry it any faster, it just helped with the discomfort. The top of her dress gained spots of water, her makeup under her mask got a little damp too, making her mascara smudge a little bit. She looked like a mess. She sat down on the closed toilet lid and kept waiting. 

Upon her return, with a towel over her arm, Jackie was rambling about something unintelligible before she noticed Nic's makeup. “Ohh, dear,” She cooed, walking over to Nicolette and crouching again, placing her hands on Nic's thighs. “I told you to stay.” She instructed again, this time sounding disappointed. 

She tutted, “You've gotten yourself all wet, sunshine.” 

[desperatepleasures]

also i was like paying more than i needed to for my prescriptions bc i just never set things up for home delivery and i was trekking to walgr*ens (evil) every month for my meds. which weren't that expensive but still it's like. adhd tax

[moneyfor-nothing]

The urge to simply Not is real today. I really wanna Don’t.

[subconscious-solipsist]

I really must get up and go shower I have to get up for work early tomorrow morning but alas I cannot make myself stand up, instead I’ve spent $100 on merch I didn’t need and am making this post

[honestlydarkprincess]

I haven’t technically done anything today but I’ve been so stressed about the things I’m not doing I am utterly exhausted

[foggybrainedloser]

yall ever just vibin then ur brain goes

“I HAVE SO MUCH SHIT TO DO OMG OMG OMG I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO KEEP TRACK OF SO MUCH SHIT TO DO I HAVE SO MANY RESPONSIBILITIES OMG OMG WHAT AM I DOING”

then two seconds later ur fine

[classicoatcakes]

anyone else with executive dysfunction or whatever feel really good after brushing the absolute shit out of their teeth like brushing really REALLY well like past what u regularly do

or just doing more than what you usually do when it comes to any self-care measure?

[foxglves]

I want to play videogames but I am too busy being bored

[sodapopdatpussy]

*looks at my unanswered asks* 🙃

[findyourspace]

fog lights

for a long time there

i felt like i was finally

speeding through my recovery

pedal to the floor, full steam ahead

for the first time in a long time

i could see the road ahead of me

and i don’t know when it happened

but i must’ve take a wrong turn,

or read the map wrong

because lately,

everything’s felt like the car’s stalled out

on what used to be a steady incline

and i can’t escape the feeling of

falling backwards down a mountain

while i beg for forward motion to return

and it seems like

no matter how hard i try

or fight

i’ll always be stuck,

with no way out of the fog

that surrounds every corner of

my thoughts.

[unsolicited-hoard-pics]

Depressed people, how do I explain this feeling to mentally healthy people?

I sometimes feel like my brain is numb and not “connected” to my body. so like I am perfectly in control of my body so getting up and moving around and eating and things are all fine, but any thought or mental processing involved is very slow and hard and feels out of sync somehow. Like i’m sitting and typing this now with no problem and I’ve had a shower and eaten properly etc but reading this back to check for mistakes is hard and so is thinking of the right words and thinking about what I’m going to do later or tomorrow or next week doesn’t make sense. It feels really weird and I hate it but I don’t know how to describe it without sounding stupid. I know factually that my brain is connected to my body but it just doesn’t feel right and it makes it really hard to do my work and behave normally. Like i forget how to make a cup of tea or what time it is and get really self conscious if I have to be out in pubic because I can’t remember if i’m behaving normally, staring at people too much, wearing the right clothes etc. 

I get a similar feeling but the opposite way round where my mind feels “connected” so I can think and talk and read and write properly etc but my body is slow and lethargic and I find it harder to do things like eating and washing myself. I’ve seen people talking about this before but less about the first feeling? 

when It’s very bad then both happen at the same time and all I can really do is watch TV but that is very rare and it hasn’t happened again since I started my medication. Idk if this makes any sense sorry it all just makes me feel very dumb and it would help to know if others feel this. 

[paopujuice]

not to be undiagnosed adhd on main but i rlly spent the entire day in bed trying to convince myself to shower and now that im trying to convince myself to go to bed i finally want to shower??? helppp

[hellsbovnd-archive]

i desperately need the ability to pin certain dm conversations to the top of the list,, i’m so fucking bad at following up w people about rp its insane

[blueberryratz]

i was supposed to take a shower 2 days ago and i keep forgetting what is this

[violenceenthusiast]

😂 why did you wait so long to answer that?

executive dysfunction innit. that or the fact that i simply do not care