#it's supposed to look bad / feel like a shitpost

[hauntingmiser]

HAPPY 4 / 20

I give you sprite edit but d y n a m i c .

[rockore]

He was in his social media influencer era

Redraw of this silly meme

[heavens-aesthetic-kitchen]

Why the TF2 Defense Trio deserve more recognition

The people have spoken, I have decided to create an essay disguised as a post on this godforsaken website because it's a free country goddammit! (I would have done it either way lmaooo, I have a lot of shit to say about these maniacs) To start this formal essay glorified very serious shitpost, why should you as a tf2 fan care about these 3 men? They're so "boring" and there's not much going on with them. If ya took a second, let's pause with what was being said. YOU MUST BE OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN MIND to think such thoughts, we must shake you out of cuckoo land by giving you an in-depth look into these three so that you understand where I'm coming from. Let's start in order:

Demoman:

After being in the fandom since 2019, there's always one character I always thought wasn't given much anything in the fandom at all. Even taking ships out of the equation, there's barely any fics I've that focus on Tavish Finneagan Degroot specifically that I've seen that isn't a compilation fic (I read a lot of x readers, don't judge me). Believe me, I checked ao3. I went through Demoman's tags and I tried very hard to filter a lot of the crossover and relationship tags, yet there's less of Demoman himself, than there's him just existing as a side character of a story. Which is honestly sad, I honestly think Demo is one of the more kinder mercs compared to a lot of the team. This man made friends with the BLU soldier, despite knowing that they were supposed to be killing each other. Sure, it's unclear whether or not Demo did actually go through with it and it's just a ruse, because the voicelines in WAR! don't have a set timeline. But I do think that Demo would have tried to keep his friendship with BLU soldier. He's very chill. I've never actually seen him get violent against his friends and family, despite being a drunkard. I honestly think he's one of the sweetest people in TF2, he takes good care of his mom and haunted sword lmaoooo. Jokes aside, he seems like a genuinely good man and I barely see anything that suggests he's sadistic. He's a chaotic and loud, but not bad. Not bad at all. The fact he can still do his job well, even after drinking so much that his body created a whole distillery, is even more impressive. He is damn good at what he does and works very hard. He's had multiple jobs, even as wee little lad. Despite what people think of him, the fact he's getting paid 5 million dollars a year, is proof he knows what he's doing. He loves his job and couldn't bear the thought of not working. I feel like his backstory isn't talked about enough in the fandom either. When you think about it, it's kinda fucked up that he was put in an orphanage by his biological parents until he was in the right age to be blowing people up. Not only that, his eye socket was haunted by the Bombinomicon so that every halloween a giant eye would manifest, attacking him and his friends. Even Medic couldn't help him and instead resorting to scooping the part of Demo's brain where he remembered so he would stop asking. He most likely has a lot of stories for you, I see him as the type that has a lot to say. His past is the most fleshed out and complete out of all the mercs, which I really appreciate, you can do a lot more with him. Also another thing, during Unhappy Returns, he took the time to reassure Soldier that he wouldn't think he's a civilian. He didn't brush Soldier's worries aside and instead comforted him. I wish I had a lot more to say about Demo because I am baffled that he isn't being gushed about as a potential partner. He has the excitement and like zero baggage. A thing I also wanna point out is that he seems to be insecure of the fact he's a black scottish man with only one eye during Meet The Demoman. I may be reading into things a bit too much, but it makes me wanna be like "NOOOO don't talk about yourself like that, bro. You're so cute UGHHH" Also also he's handsome. Sure looks can be subjective, but I still think Demo has a face I would kiss hehe. He looks great with his beard and his cheeky ass smile. GOD I could gush about him all day, but I have to move on rip.

Heavy:

Honestly, I'm having a hard time just finding the words to describe this amazing man without giving him the respect he deserves. But I'll sure try. Heavy has had a difficult life and I've always admired how strong he was. Not just of his muscles, but he endured one of the toughest situations and still kept moving forward with his life even though it was traumatizing. You see why I'm even having a hard time talking about him? I can't really get down into the weeds, without getting serious for a min. I feel like the fandom doesn't give him much credit for being able to deal with so much. He's the rock for his family after his father disappeared (atp I think he's dead, which is the cherry on top this depressing sundae) and I wouldn't doubt that he would be the same for his team. He's a man of few words, but that makes him all the more intriguing. Just because this man has a lot of brawn does not mean he's dumb at all. Despite how he acts in the battlefield, Heavy is observant and clever. Although, it's implied that Spy being Scout's dad is an open secret between the mercs and Miss Pauling, the fact he figured it out without saying it directly must mean he has a lot more going on. He's also educated, getting a phD in Russian Literature. It's not a STEM program, but he actually got a doctorate and went to college, that's a lot more than half of what the mercs did lmaooo. Also he has a bit of a softie side, not just for his mom and sisters, but also other creatures as well. I respect him so much for avoiding violence against those dogs during the Showdown comic. Not only shows what an absolute sweetheart he is, but also how much he's able to think quickly on his feet. Heavy is very direct and blunt, I don't see him as the type to lie about his feelings. I appreciate that he doesn't feel the need to sugarcoat anything, he'll get the job done and he ain't playing. There's no fluff, he knows what he wants and that's to rev up Sasha and ram through sons of bitches without any worries.

I feel like I wanna point out, his story seems the most unexplored in the fandom, even though it has a lot of potential for ANGST factor. I already broke down how sad it is, but I just feel like it isn't said enough. Can I just say how cuddly he looks?! GAH, I feel like he would give the warmest hugs! The way he smiled in Unhappy Returns when he finds out his family doesn't need to live in fear anymore, just melts my heart! He's so protective over his family and friends! I wish I had a lot more to say about this guy because I just can't stop finding more things about him that go unappreciated. I had to literally edit this part so many times before moving on, he just has those little details you don't notice until you take a second and have that OH MY GOD moment

Engineer:

I was getting so hyped, when it was finally our resident southern nerd's time to shine. GOD I have so much to say about this man. It's been over 5 fucking years and I have never stopped simping for this man since 2019, I think I'm gonna go insane from how much I've been repressing, I go feral when he's around. Anyways enough stalling. I don't ever think a fictional character has ever made me swoon quite like Engineer, I really mean that. I have ask and pleaded to whatever god was listening to give me a man like Engie. To me, he is everything I ever wanted and more.

First, I wanna talk about what makes him attractive to me. His accent. His southern charm, UGH he's killing me with that smooth voice and chivalry! I swear this man could make me faint just from existing. The way he smiles is so warm, his insults are so corny I love them. That five o clock shadow GAHH! I'm getting butterflies all over again. I swear I love all three of the defense bois, but Dell Conagher has my heart wrapped around his gunslinger metal finger. All those personal reasons aside, I've always thought Dell Conagher was a very interesting character in the world of TF2. He might not have much screen time or goofy shenanigans like the other mercs, but that doesn't mean you can ignore him oh no no no. This man is important within the whole story of Mann Co and TF industries, his grandfather being the catalyst of the game's events and the comics going forward. The Conaghers are the SOLE REASON why Team Fortress 2's story exists. I find it strange that the fandom hasn't done much with this fact because you can do a lot with this idea. Engineer knows a lot of shit and would be the biggest threat to Helen, if not for the fact that his family has been helping her for years.

Like his backstory, he's not seen much in the battlefield, but he has a lot more going on behind the scenes. Imagine the possibilities. He is damn intelligent and he knows it. While Dell is very sweet and has a southern charm, this is a facade to hide his God complex and sadistic tendencies. If you think this man is just your boring gentle engineer, you've got a big storm coming. It's heavily implied that he sawed off his own arm so that he could use the gunslinger. This man works on projects with Medic and doesn't question the moral implications of putting a human brain in a pumpkin. Hell, he threatened his own employer, even if he was an old man (Granted, Blutarch dug up his grandpa's grave, so he probably should have gotten something a lot worse than just Dell telling him to fuck off). Engineer is more than the texan egghead sweetie pie, he is a mercenary for a reason and I would argue that he might be as insane, if not more than, the rest of the team. No sane man would willingly work with a bunch of war criminals if he wasn't also crazy. That's the thing I really like about him. I love playing as him in the game because it represents his character very well. He technically serves a supportive role to the team with his buildings, but he is a killer with a lot of tools in his disposal, With the right amount of training, he can absolutely dominate in the battlefield.

I feel like he's one of the people that underestimate and assume that he's an easy target, but he's a lot more than that. He has a lot of layers that makes me want to learn more about him and what he has to offer.

In Conclusion:

These guys are cool. Lmaooo okay I won't just end it there. I genuinely believe that they're not getting the recognition that they deserve, they've got a lot more going for them if you pay attention. Sure they might not always be the loudest or most prominant character in the story, but what they lack in quantity, they make up for in quality TEN FOLD. They don't have to be your favourite, but you should at least give them a chance. You never know, they may surprise you.

Okay so thats enough of that, I couldn't find a divider above this message, so you're getting this grainy ass gif. Honestly, I put way too much effort on this shitpost lmaooo, but I just wanted to get my thoughts out in a more concise manner. If you want to add more stuff about these three that I didn't mention, feel free to do so. Anyways thanks for reading

[foxyarchive]

Your Guardian Angel(Or Devil) P3

You go on a date, and Adam can't resist being a dick about it. Set between chapters 1 & 2.

Cross Posted on AO3!

Warnings: Drinking, mild spice, brief dubious consent with Adam(nothing bad, promise).

Words: ~6k

Well found out I'm bad at writing stuff that's not plot LMAO like Reader and Adam shitposting. Wanna do more of it but it's hard for me to write... So probably plot either next chapter or next. Tried to prolong as long as I could soz.

Tags in comments! Ask to be added to the Taglist!

P1 | P2 | P3

You step out of the shower with a sigh, toweling off your body and drying your hair as best as you can for the time being. You had a few hours until you were going out, so you were going to take your time getting yourself looking nice and presentable. You wrap the towel around your body, bending over your sink to wash your face and brush your teeth. When you’ve finished that, you move to adjust your towel so it doesn’t fall, trying to decide what you want to use on your hair. 

“Weeeeelll, looks like I popped up at the right time.” You scream in shock, your hand fumbling as your towel drops and pools around your feet. You hear a whistle, and look over with a burning face as you see Adam standing just outside your bathroom door, biting his lip and wiggling his brows. 

“A-Adam! Fuck– S-Stop looking!” You crow, trying to cover your bits as best you can as you bend down to pick up your towel. He just laughs, pointing a finger at you as you try to remain a shred of modesty. Your face and body are unbearably warm right now in embarrassment. You can’t even look him in the eye. 

“Chillaaaax, sweet-tits, it’s nothing I haven’t seen before.” Comes his too haughty for your liking response. Somehow, you burn even more at that as you try to wrap your towel around yourself. 

“W-What? You’ve… Seen me naked before?” You tremble a bit, feeling a shiver run down your spine at the sudden admission to the lack of privacy. 

“Duh. I have this orb thing that lets me just look in on you whenever I want. I don’t really use it, though, don’t care enough to watch your boring ass life.” He says it so nonchalantly, you can’t help but to feel goosebumps raise over your skin. The look across your face must’ve caught his attention, as he just gives another wave of his hand and roll of his eyes as he turns away from you. “It’s a Guardian thing, don’t make it fuckin’ weird now. I mean, unless you wanna.” He looks back at you with a sly leer, raising his brows once again. 

“No!” You respond, almost immediately, appalled at the implication. One that an angel was making, no less! Wasn’t he supposed to be more… Virtuous? You do remember the last time you saw him, though… Implied he could really get away with whatever he wanted. There has to be certain boundaries that can’t be crossed, though. He just shrugs, turning away boredly. 

“Your loss, babes.” He makes his way into your bedroom, and you follow after him as you finish fixing your towel around yourself. 

“Isn’t lust a sin?” You can’t help but ask as he spreads out his wings and flops back onto your bed carelessly. 

“‘Isn’t lust a sin!?’” He mocks you in that stupid ass voice again, and you puff out your cheeks in annoyance. “I don’t sin. I’m fuckin’ Adam, in case you forgot. I’m perfect.” He grins, pointing at himself. He then proceeds to roll over to his side, propping his head up with a hand as his elbow rests on the bed. You just suppress a sigh, shifting from foot to foot awkwardly. Wait… He was here. Did that mean…?

“Was I about to die?” You suddenly gape, looking around the room, wondering what was going to happen. An earthquake? Maybe you use a blow dryer and you almost get electrocuted? Slipping and falling out of the shower, perhaps? You look back when he doesn’t respond at first, and you see the face he makes. 

“The fuck? No, what?” He frowns, and you mirror the confusion on your face. 

“But… That’s why you’re here… Right? You come around to prevent my death…?” You inquire, slowly, and a small look of realization passes across his features. 

“Oooh… Yeah, nah, I was just bored. Wanted to swing by, see how your shitty mortal life was going.” He declares, flopping onto his back once more, resting his hands on his stomach. His horns rest over the side of your bed. So does most of his body. He’s massive. 

“Are you allowed to do that?” You blink. He turns his head slightly towards you, exasperated. 

“‘Tits, we just went over this.” He deadpans. Oh. Right. He’s Adam. He can do… Whatever he wants, apparently. 

“Err. Okay, right, well…” You shift from side to side, somewhat nervous. Some droplets fall from your hair onto your shoulders and back, despite having tried to dry it off earlier. “Sorry to… Disappoint you? But I’m going out tonight, so I can’t… Hangout??” What do you even say? Did he want to hang out? Just say hello? What kind of weird relationship were you starting to build with your divine fucking angel? 

“Wow, finally doin’ something on a Friday night besides binging a shitty show, doing a game, or jilling off?” He remarks, sitting up now as your face heats up even more. 

“D-Don’t say that!” You groan, turning away as you cover your face with your hands at his crass words. He really does look in on you! You’re not proud about how you spend some of your weekend nights… You like to go hangout with your friends when you can, but everyone can get so busy. You hear him mockingly laugh, which only makes you heat up more in embarrassment. “For your information, I have a date tonight! So if you can just… Fly off or whatever so I can get ready, that would be great, thanks.” You snip over your shoulder, turning and walking back in the bathroom. 

You squeak in surprise as Adam suddenly appears in front of you, wings flared as he hunches over your smaller stature. “A date, huh? Really? You?” He sneers, and you scoff, anger flaring in your chest. 

“Yes, me! That’s rude. I’m attractive! And capable of dating. And holding conversations. I’m doing it with you right now!” You pause, briefly. “The conversation part, I mean.” He hums, giving a small nod of his head, crossing his arms as he tucks his wings back against his side. 

“Uh-huh, suuuure. And you don’t want me to go with you?” He rubs his chin, and you squint at him. 

“What are you getting at? Why would I want you to come with? So you can distract me?” You roll your eyes, inching passed him to go and gather some makeup to put on. 

“Babes, if you’re that distracted by me, maybe it’s best to not go out with some other bozo while you’re thinkin’ about me. After all, I am right here.” He grins, slinging an arm across your shoulder. You stiffen at the contact, swallowing nervously as he dips his face close to yours. Why did your Guardian Angel have to be so horny? Looking at the size of him as well, even if you both did end up tangled in bed, you’re not even certain it’d fit… “Thinkin’ about this dick? Don’t blame you.” He lightly grips your chin with the arm around your shoulder, pushing it to look towards him. He cranes his head closer to you. You’re horrified he caught on to your train of thought. “Don’t worry, it’ll feel fucking great. I’ll make sure that pretty little pus–” 

“No, no, stop!” As he begins to ramble, you suddenly pull yourself away from him, breathing more rapid. To your relief, he just looks irritated, but he doesn’t pressure you or crowd you again. He pulls back, even seeming to flatten his wings a little more against his side to make himself appear less large. “I’m not– You’re not– This is… Inappropriate! I’m like… Your client, or whatever!” You grimace at the wording, even if it’s true. Adam just rolls his eyes and crosses his arms. 

“I fuckin’ told you, it doesn’t matter. We can do whatever the fuck we want.” He pauses. “Almost anything. Fucking is on the list, though.” He confirms with a nod. You just groan, putting your head in your hands. 

“I… I don’t… I mean… How could you even want to fuck me?” You can’t help but ask, as you consider this more and more.

“Uuuh. Because you’re hot and got a rockin’ bod?” He lifts a brow. Well, guess that’s some sort of an ego boost for you… or is it? Adam seems like the kinda guy to stick his dick in anyone with a pulse that throws mild attention his way, really. Maybe you should take that comment with a grain of salt, then…

“No, I mean– You’ve watched me my whole life. Don’t you feel some sort of… I don’t know… Protective, parental kinship for me?” You can’t help but ask, grimacing a bit at the thought. You don’t know whether to feel angry or embarrassed as he starts laughing at you, full blown, even hunching over a bit. “Why are you– That’s not funny!” You stutter out. It’s anger you feel, alright. He straightens up some, trying to calm down, wiping a tear from his eye. 

“Oooh. Oh, that’s fuckin’ hilarious, ‘tits. Really, super funny.” He wheezes, an easy grin crossing his features as he puts his hands on his hips. “Nice try, but ah, no. You’re right, in a sense. You’re basically just my nuisance client.” He pauses, tapping his chin. “Mm… Maybe more like a pet.” He mumbles in thought, and you feel another flare of anger. 

“A– A pet!?” You cry in outrage. 

“Yeah! But like, a fuckable one. Shit, wait no, that sounds fucking weird, back that up–” He puts his hands up, and you decide to bite your tongue as you resist the urge to go and pluck his wings. “Uuugh, why are you making me describe this shit! Look.” He finally breathes in, clasping his hands together as he takes a step towards you. You shift a half step back, and he stops, but continues talking. “To me, you’re just this lady I gotta look after. Like I said, I didn’t really actually watch you. Checked occasionally because Sera was on my dick about it, but that’s whatever. You’re like, what, thirty something now, though?”

“I’m–” You begin to offer him your correct age, but he just waves you off. 

“Whatever, you’re old.” You huff at his comment. “You’re an adult, you can make your own fuckin’ choices, yada yada. All I'm saying is: Original dickmaster, right here.” He grins, pointing to himself. You remain silent, still eyeing him, face still slightly scrunched up. Even if you both were two consenting adults(with him falling more along the lines of… primordial demi-God way older than you), you're not losing sight of what you have in mind tonight. Especially not for Adam, who has been quite callous with you. You're not even sure he actually likes you. 

“Okay, well… Thanks for all the clarification. I guess.” You utter the last part under your breath, turning away from him. “Still going out with my date tonight. Still would like it if you weren't there.” You then declare, moving past him once more to go and get ready, and you just hear a scoff leave his throat. 

“You sure ‘bout that? Hear men on Earth are pretty shitty. What if he tries to… I dunno, kill you or something?” He states, and you can see the squint he’s eyeing you with through your mirror. 

“Then you’ll protect me? Like you’re supposed to?” You can’t help but to bite out in response, growing tired of this. Adam hisses out a slow, quiet breath through his teeth, clicking his tongue. 

“I dunno about that… I mean, what if it’s your time? What if this is where you meet your fate? At the hands of some dude you think is cool?” The seed he sows in your head makes you pause at what you’re doing. He did say that he knew when you were going to die, but… He’s just fucking with you. He has to be. 

“Okay, well, even if this was where I was going to die, then who cares? It’s fate, right? You can’t interfere with that.” You roll your eyes, trying to quell the now uncertain flutter in your stomach. He walks forward once more, hovering right behind you as he cranes his neck down slightly to peer at you. You don’t turn around to meet him, only eye him uncertainly through the mirror. 

“Don’t you remember who I am?” He utters to you, quietly, and that makes you pause. There’s no shot he can circumvent your death… Right? Besides, he was just bluffing. You were going to be fine tonight. He backs off, though, abrupt and with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders. “Just saying. Lotta stuff can happen.” Then he disperses in a flitter of gold. You’ve never felt more uncertain in your life. You assume he’s just trying to get your goat, but the anxiety in you is beginning to try and spin a tale otherwise. You look ahead, just focusing on getting ready. 

The rest of the time you doll yourself up, it’s blissfully quiet, which acts as both a blessing and a curse. You can just focus on the night ahead, but it also lets you mull over your thoughts about what Adam said. He’s just fucking with me. He’s not serious about it. Why is he even saying stuff like that? You ponder as you finally get into your car, heading towards the bar you were supposed to be meeting your date. You park, check yourself in the mirror, and head inside. There you spot your date, sitting at the bartop, and all you can think of currently is thank God you didn’t get catfished. 

“Hey! Ryan, right?” You smile as you approach, and he looks at you, offering a smile in return. He inquires your name, and you nod, unto which he shakes your hand when you hold it out. Well, it starts as a handshake, and turns into a somewhat unprompted hug, which you gingerly return before you sit next to him. 

“It’s great to meet you in person! You look lovely.” He compliments, and you offer a bashful smile, returning a compliment yourself. After you both decide on what to drink and order, he faces back towards you. You both begin to divulge the basics of one another– What you do for work, what hobbies you have, some places you’ve visited before. It’s going fine, and he’s awfully nice, but you can’t help but to feel… A little bored. Any spark you had felt over texting him through the app you’d met him in is slowly beginning to drain. You have a few things in common, but not much, and you can’t help but to feel a little worn down with the conversation. It certainly doesn’t help that you’ve ordered another drink as well. Why the Hell did you do that?

As you’re beginning to feel your eyes glaze over when he talks about a very… Uninteresting work trip he had in a rather monotonous way, something catches your attention. It’s out of the corner of your eye. A flicker of gold. You glance over, seeing nothing of the sort, and shift a bit to draw your attention back to Ryan. Suddenly, your date flinches a bit, and you frown, sitting up. “Are you okay?” You ask, and he rubs the side of his head, glancing around. You look down, noticing a partially discarded peanut shell next to his barstool. 

“Yeah, sorry, I… I thought I felt something.” He frowns, looking back at you, giving a sheepish smile. “Guess it was nothing. Anyways, as I was saying, we arrived at this studio where–” You see the peanut shell coming this time, smacking Ryan square in the ear. He looks behind him, and slowly, you do as well. Your eyes stretch wide in mortification. You see Adam, sitting at an empty table, a smirk on his face with an array of used peanut shells on the table. Someone had just left, and looks like he decided to sit there and bug your date. For a moment, a flicker off worry runs through you. Can Ryan see him? You crane your neck over a bit, but by the look of stark confusion on his features, it’s clear that he can’t. “Did– Did you see anyone throw something at me?” He frowns, and you bite the inside of your cheek. You can see Adam’s grin widen. 

“No.” You respond, because truthfully, you didn’t actually see Adam do it. You’re sure it’s him, though… Ryan just rubs the back of his neck, giving you a sheepish look. 

“I swear, I keep feeling something pelting me… I guess it just must be my imagination.” He murmurs, and your eyes shift past him. You see Adam lining up another shell, biting his tongue in concentration. You give him a warning glare as best as you can without making it seem like you’re pointing your stare towards Ryan, but either Adam doesn’t catch onto it or doesn’t care. He flicks his middle finger, and the shell goes flying, thunking Ryan right on the back of his head. This time, Ryan stands up, flustered as he looks around to try and catch the culprit. You dig your nails into your palms as Adam begins to laugh, pointing at your date as he leans back in the chair. 

“Ahah– You should– You should see his face. He’s so pissed. And confused. Not– Not sure which he’s more of.” He cackles. You try your best– You really, really do. You want to be upset with Adam interrupting things, but you can’t help giving a snort of laughter. You then cover your mouth, trying to stifle it as best as you can as Ryan’s head swivels around to catch the culprit. 

“Are– Are you okay, Ryan?” You try not to wheeze or show that much of a smile as he huffs out, clenching and unclenching his fists. 

“No– I mean, yes, I just– There is somebody here who is pelting me with… With something.” He finally looks at the ground, near him, seeing the shells. “With peanuts, I suppose… I can’t find out who.” You feel guilty, now, as you see the embarrassed look across his features. Even more guilty that you have to pretend like he’s crazy. Is this gaslighting?

“Are you sure? I haven’t seen anyone doing anything.” You finally say. You don’t feel good about it, but what can you do? Tell him your primordial guardian angel that acts like a twelve year old is flicking used peanut shells at him? 

“Yes, I’m sure! I think I am, at least.” He’s looking more and more uncertain now, sheepishly sitting back down. You offer him a comforting pat on his hand as he takes a sip of his drink, trying not to draw your eyes away from him as Adam comes over. 

“This dude is soooo boring. Why don’t you fuckin’ leave already?” He scoffs, crossing his arms as he glowers down at Ryan. You stiffen as you see someone walking in the path of Adam, but to your slight surprise(and relief), the person walks right through him. Adam’s body shimmers and ripples a bit as it happens, but it doesn’t seem to disturb him at all. For obvious reasons, you can’t respond, especially as Ryan speaks back up. 

“I’m sorry, maybe I’m just… Being paranoid. I’m a little nervous, sorry, but the date has been wonderful so far! You’re really interesting, I’m so glad I got to come out here with you.” He admits, smiling a bit bashfully, and you can’t help but to smile at the rather sweet admission as well. You feel your cheeks warm. You see Adam faux gag himself with a finger, and you suppress the urge to snip something to him. 

“I’m glad we got to do this, too.” You respond back to Ryan. Well, even if you didn’t really click, it was still nice to get out and get a drink. Speaking of… Maybe you should finish your second one a little faster. A flicker of guilt passes through you. Perhaps… You could make a bit more of an effort. Ask additional questions about his trip, engage more where you can. “What, uh… Made you want to work as an interior designer? Family, or just something personal?” You decide on, because that can always be interesting. Ryan seems to perk up at the question. 

“My grandmother was one, actually! I didn’t realize how much I liked it until I went with her one day when I was younger to work in an emergency.” He chuckles. “I got to see how she worked, who she worked with, and how she would put some things together.” 

“Ask him if he’s sure he’s actually interested in women.” Adam pipes up, moving to stand beside you, and you grit your jaw at his comment. That almost makes you snap out and snarl at him, but you try not to as Ryan continues to go on about the experience, as well as what pushed him further towards it. “Fucking– This guy is so boring. It’s boring me and I don’t even have to pretend to be listening.” He groans out, tilting his head back. 

Why doesn’t he just leave? You can’t help but to think in irritation. Adam isn’t bound here. Unless… Something is going to happen, but you don’t get that feeling. You watch as your Guardian moves to stand beside your date, now, making a talking motion with his hand while he mimics something similar to ‘blah, blah, blah’ with his mouth. Trying to stifle a noise of anger, you quickly slam down your drink with a sigh, just as Ryan finishes his story. He can see the force you put your drink down with, and he blinks. 

“Are you alright?” He inquires, and you sigh out, giving him a smile. Adam is really grinding your gears. Your head is just a bit fuzzy thanks to the drinks. You can think clearly enough, but you also feel on the edge enough to spite Adam with all of his comments tonight. 

“Yeah, fine. Sorry. Getting a bit loud in here is all. Wanna head back to my place?” You find yourself asking, quirking a brow. 

“Are you fucking kidding me!” It’s more of an exclamation than a question Adam shoots out, and you suppress a smirk, opting for the smile on your face. Ryan seems a little taken aback, a faint pink dusting his cheeks. 

“I got some streaming services, if that’s to your fancy.” You add in. Ryan was boring, sure. You thought that, but hearing Adam say it and egg you on to leave just pushed you to do this. Plus, Ryan was really attractive. Like, totally your type. 

“O-Oh. Yeah, sure, okay.” He smiles, bashful again, how sweet. He finishes his own drink, pays, and the two of you head out. You can see Adam standing in the background, irritation written all over his features, and you can’t help but to sneak a look back at him and stick out your tongue. He just flips you off before he disappears. You tell Ryan to follow you as you get into your car, and he gets into his, and you lead him back to your apartment. It’s quiet when you both walk in, and Adam isn’t even around anymore. Suddenly, you’re a bit irritated he didn’t stick around. You were supposed to be rubbing this in his face… Or something! Maybe not. You wanted him to leave, wanted to spite him, and clearly you did enough to make him piss off. 

You’re… Almost a little sad, now. How awful of you. 

“Sorry, uh… Don’t have a lot of people over. Or room in here.” You admit, as you motion to only the beanbag. It’s giant, sure, but it’s not a couch. “I could grab a chair from the nook, though, if you prefer.”

“No, no, this is fine! I really like it.” Ryan laughs a bit, taking a seat on one end of the beanbag, and you do the same. You flick on the television, and open up a streaming service. You both look through it, trying to decide what to watch, and finally decide on some documentary(courtesy of Ryan choosing it). You settle in, beginning to watch, and you’re just waiting for Adam to pop up at any moment. Nothing. You tap your finger on your arm. It’s quiet. A bit awkward. Ryan is fidgeting a bit, and so are you, and you suddenly wonder how this is going to go. He has the same idea, as he’s stealing glances at you occasionally. 

Well. Fine, then. You didn’t invite Ryan over because he was a good conversationalist. You inch closer to him, and he does to you as well. His arm moves around your back, and you lean closer, gingerly resting your head on his shoulder. A few more minutes like that before he starts to rub his hand up and down your back. You play with the buttons on his top, undoing one deftly. He glances down at you, and you peer up at him, smiling somewhat shyly as he offers back a similar look. He’s the first to lean in, but you’re the first to meet him in a kiss. It begins chaste, even if both of your hands don’t remain so much, before it begins to progress further. 

You sit up a bit more, slinging one leg between his own, stradling one of them now. You feel him lift his leg up a bit, and you can’t suppress the small groan that leaves your lips as you feel rub right up against your crotch. He gives a receptive groan and roll of his leg as you grind against him, bringing one hand to run through his hair, tugging on it. His palms slide down your back and sides, before one comes to grope your ass, and the other briefly fondles your breast, before he tugs on the hem of your shirt. You oblige, popping open another one for his own shirt, and he gets the message. You both briefly split from the kiss to remove your shirts, before diving back in with more fervor. 

As you grind yourself on his leg, you allow one of your hands to travel down and palm him through his pants, able to feel how he’s straining already. For a moment, you both break the kiss for air, and he takes the time to tilt your head to the side, trailing sloppy kisses down your neck and collarbone as he works his hands on the back to unclasp your bra. You pant against him, head tilted, eyes half lidded, before you catch sight of something out of the corner of your eye. You gasp in shock just as your bra comes off, recoiling in fear as you see Adam standing off to the side. To your credit, he looks completely unimpressed, arms crossed, eyebrow raised as he watches the scene. 

Ryan pauses, thinking you were startled by what he was doing. He looks flustered, gaze heavy with lust and confusion. “Sorry! I thought we were… Going to…” He begins, trailing off, and you look back at him, feeling flustered yourself. 

“Yeah! Sorry, I thought… I saw something…” You begin to apologize, and you hear Adam blow a raspberry and give a thumbs down. 

“C’mon, it was just gonna get good! Thought you wanted to fuck him, ‘tits. That’s why you invited him over, right?” He sneers, walking over now, looming over the two of you. You can’t help but to stare up at him, eyes wide, body incredibly warm in both arousal and embarrassment. It looks strange to Ryan, obviously, and he draws you back to him with a hand slowly creeping up your back. “Are… Are you okay?” He asks, quietly, tentatively. 

“Y-Yes, I’m…” You taper off, unsure what to say. Adam shifts to stand behind you, putting a hand on your neck, slowly pushing your body closer to Ryan. 

“Well, go on. Fuck him. You wanted to, right?” He hisses out, and you find yourself trembling. Why is… Why is Adam doing this? Why is he egging you on, when it sounds like he doesn’t actually want you to be doing this? Is this a test? Your trembling doesn’t stop, and that’s finally when Ryan grimaces a bit, pushing you back. Adam doesn’t force you forward anymore, letting you go as your date sits up. 

“We don’t have to do this. It’s fine. It’s, um… A bit late, anyways, I should probably… Head out…” He clears his throat, rubbing the back of his neck as he takes his hands away from you. You let out a breath, giving a small, spaced out nod as you shakily roll to the side. Ryan grabs his shirt, deftly slipping it back on and buttoning it up. All you can do is sit and watch, feeling Adam squinting at you out of the corner of your eye. Ryan gets to his feet, finally, clearing his throat once more as he looks down at you. “It was… Nice to meet you.” He winces, rubbing the back of his neck, and all you can do is purse your lips and nod in response. He takes that as his queue to leave, awkwardly turning and shuffling out to the door. 

“...Drive safe.” You balk, weakly, after him as the door shuts behind him. You’re still topless, arms covering your breasts, and once he’s gone, you hear Adam sigh out. 

“FINALLY. Holy shit he was soooo boring. Can’t believe you were trying to prove some point by inviting him over.” The angel huffs, plopping down next to you on the beanbag as you grab the remote. You just sit there, frozen, unsure of what to do or say. You feel as awkward as Ryan felt earlier as he begins to flip through channels. “I mean, not like that guy would’ve actually gotten you off I bet.” He laughs, flaring a wing out to slap you with it. You sputter lightly, shifting forward as you feel the soft feathers against your back. “Be a babe and get me some chips, will ya?” Numbly, you just stand up, still trying to process everything that’s happening. You still feel flustered. The inside of your underwear are slick, a true testament to how long it’s been since you’ve fooled around with someone else. 

For a moment, you just stare down at Adam. He glances up at you, looking bored, and then irritated. He opens his mouth to say something, but you finally find your voice. “What– Why– Why did you do that? Interrupt us? Do you know how… How inappropriate that was!?” Now that the shock and embarrassment is wearing off, you finally feel anger broiling to the surface. You wave your hands about somewhat for emphasis. “You could have just interfered with something big for me! What if him and I were like… Fate, or something!? He could’ve been the love of my life! I’ll never know what could’ve been, now, because you popped up and were fucking weird!” You’re flushed again, baring your teeth in anger. What infuriates you even more is that, even though Adam’s eyes don’t have pupils, you can very clearly tell that he’s staring at your boobs. Right, you’re still shirtless. 

“Adam!!” You shriek in frustration, grabbing your shirt and throwing it at his face. It’s his turn to sputter out, grabbing the garment as you snatch up your bra and begin to storm away, starting to put it back on. 

“Chill, bitch, I’m listening! Why the fuck you getting so uppity for?” He snaps out, and you hear him get up too. Well, you hear the beanbag shift slightly, and you don’t even hear him as he seems to glide effortlessly over to you, grabbing your arm and flipping you around to face him. At this point, your bra is back on, but his eyes are actually on your face this time. “I literally helped you!” 

“Helped me!?” You blanch, incredulous at his claim. “How the fuck did cockblocking me help me!? Everything was consensual!” He just sneers at this, poking a finger into your chest. 

“Because you didn’t actually want it. You were just trying to prove a point, weren’t you?” He snips back, and your mouth opens. Goddammit, he’s right… Partially. You had just done it as a ‘fuck you’ to him, with how rude and openly he was complaining about Ryan, but… He was also hot, and it was just a casual fling. What was so bad about that? “Oh, come on, don’t tell me that walking snooze-fest actually was a turn on for you.” He scoffs, and you just shut your mouth. You feel your cheeks burning, and look away, feeling too embarrassed to have this discussion. 

“W-We’re not talking about this!” You finally stutter out, and he makes an incredulous noise as you turn to leave. He just grips your arm again, though, pulling you back towards him. 

“No. Fucking. Chance.” He grits his teeth, hand reaching down to pop the button on your jeans. You squeal out, trying to writhe out of his grasp, but stop with a gasp as you feel his fingers push right past your panties and slide between your folds. A squeak leaves you, thankfully, instead of a moan that wants to come out. You’re still aching, afterall, even after getting upset with this whole ordeal. Adam brings his fingers out, looking over the slick that thickly covers his gloves, and a sneer appears on his face. “Un-fucking-believable that guy got you this worked up.” He snips, glaring at you and your flustered features. That sneer quickly winds into a smirk, though, as he brings his fingers up to his mouth. 

“Don’t–” You try to take control, but can only bite your lip as you watch his golden tongue poke out and drag the two digits covered in your slick down it, before he sucks on them. “Oh my God!” You whine, finally pulling yourself free as you turn away, hands covering your face. 

“Good girls don’t go to Heaven when they use the Father’s name in vain.” His hands are on your shoulders, his head craning near your neck. You feel his breath hot on you, and a shudder runs down your spine as you try to suppress whatever primal urge is inside of you that wants you to turn around and beg Adam to shove his fingers back down your pants again. 

“I– I’m going to bed– Alone!” You finally manage to work out of your mouth, shrugging away from him, rubbing your arms as you try to stem the heat flaring through your body. He doesn’t give follow, and just scoffs once more. 

“Really? You just gonna go to sleep blueballed?” You hear him huff. “Dickmaster right here, remember!”

“Fuck you!” You snarl back, the events of tonight playing out in your mind once more, making you terse and aggravated. You turn around once you’re in your room, ready to slam the door, and he’s just standing there, eyebrow raised, arms crossed. 

“Yeah, sure, I’m right here.” He grins, and you snarl in frustration, slamming the door. “Your loss, bitch! Have fun with your hand!” You hear him bark, and you can only assume he’s gone, as you don’t hear anything else outside your room. With a groan, you walk over to your bed, flopping onto it. You rub your hands across your face, grimacing as you see some of your makeup come off in the process. Tonight had been a clusterfuck, to say the least, and you feel on the verge of tears from it all. Part of you wants to cry, but you do your best to suppress the urge, biting the inside of your cheek. 

“‘Have fun with your hand’.” You find yourself scoffing out his words, glaring up at the ceiling, before you promptly flick it off. “Fuck you, pervy asshole. Bet you would like me to do that so you can watch like some fucking weirdo.” You don’t even know if he can hear you, but you can only hope so. Or maybe not. How desperate are you to get a jab in, after all? You just groan out, getting up. You clean the makeup off your face, and change into night clothes as you crawl back into bed. The first thing you do is go to the app you met Ryan on and unmatch, because you are far too embarrassed about this situation to want to see him again. 

…And, Adam was right. Ryan was really boring.

[lorkai]

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ Currently stuck on the road, on a 7 hour drive to my cousin's wedding, logically I had to occupy my time during this. Then I remembered that this was in my drafts and I decided to finish this shitpost. All the images are from the Brazilian Masterchef, btw.

｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+ Dishes that I'm sure were made by Solomon / Lilia

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ Like, I don't even know how that's possible. This, my dears, was supposed to be a kind of currant-filled biscuit, relatively easy to bake and all if you follow the recipe. Why it has this gooey appearance I have no idea, maybe they wanted to create a new kind of gelatin or something ╮⁠(⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)⁠╭

⠀

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ I don't even have words for it. This dish is pork roast beef with caramelized onions and biju farofa to accompany it, I've never had it but I imagine it would be delicious. The presentation of the dish, on the other hand, is horrible, the meat doesn't seem to be cooked enough and that onion... They remind me of my kidney stones lol, no further comments about it. This is the kind of dish I imagine every time someone comments on how bad Solomon/Lilia cooks.

⠀

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ What we're seeing is roasted sardines served in tomato sauce, accompanied by zucchini and grilled eggplant. I don't know, this dish gives me mixed feelings, like I would eat it (honestly, I would eat all the dishes because I have absolutely no sense of preservation 🥺✌️), But seriously, it's not pretty to look at. Legends say that the more you look at this image, the less you want to eat that sardine.

⠀

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ Not a bad dish, technically speaking. But the aesthetic caught my attention, like??? Why is the quail like this lmao??? Though seriously, who enters a competition like Masterchef and serves quail with mashed potatoes??? It's a simple dish that you eat with your family and friends, not good enough to be served here, man. However, if the flavor is exceptionally good I imagine the judges won't mind 🤔🤔

⠀⠀

Conclusion: for everyone's sake I hope twst and obey me never have a crossover, as the world would never recover from the dishes these two would cook together.

[comradekarin]

I do agree that people will hate Farleigh and then worship Felix because yk racism but let's not act like Farleigh wasn't an asshole. You're downplaying his actions just to make him look good but you should be arguing that asshole characters of colour are easily hated when compared to their white counterparts. You don't have to lie about "oh he's not even bad y'all are dramatic" because at the end of the day he's an asshole rich boy just like Felix just like everyone else.... 😐

Sorry it just annoys me because as a poor Black person who went to school with Farleighs it grinds my gears to see you and others downplay his bad behaviour because of the racism he is facing. You can acknowledge the racism without making him an angel. Racism towards even the worst people is wrong because there is no excuse for racism (I am not saying Farleigh is the worst person ever btw, he's the same brand of asshole like Felix and everyone else obviously. They're family lol.)

i mean you’re absolutely right. he was an asshole. he was a dick, just like the rest of them was. personally for me, that’s apart of the appeal of this character. when I said “farleign was not that bad lmao” I meant that in response to everyone who has this visceral disgust for the stuff he does and says but not for anyone else. if I gave off the impression of “he did absolutely nothing wrong”, well… my bad lmao. the posts I have made are more shitpost-y in nature anyway, but they still hold some merit. i feel like this post really encapsulates my intent.

as someone who is also black, it is harmful to have this notion that poc characters have to be perfect and can’t have character flaws. part of being a good character is having flaws and faults. however, it’s just weird seeing farleigh being held to a very different standard than the other characters who have done the same shit he did (or, have done worse). it’s even weirder pretending his character is meant to be one dimensional, or just this huge asshole, while simultaneously being able to see the complexities in the rest of the cattons/oliver. i’ve even seen people hate him for reasons that aren’t even true if they actually paid attention (i.e him stealing or even being completely at fault for what happened to felix). my posts were never supposed to give “you guys are racist for not liking farleign”. boring, maybe, but racist? nah. they were supposed to give “you guys may have biases to address if the reasons you hate farleign is something you can overlook in the rest of the white cast”.

feel free to ask me anything else though, anon. i’m always up for healthy convo :)

[lindalofbroome]

lief: so where's barda jasmine: he's looking for the belt of deltora lief: he's wHAT

31 - Essence of Rodda

'Despair is the enemy. Do not let it defeat you.' [Zeean whispered.] DELTORA QUEST 3 The Sister of the South Ch 9 The Yellow Notice

'Norris!' shouted Rowan, shaking him. 'Even if you are right — even if we have been led by some evil force into a trap — we cannot just lie down and die!' ROWAN OF RIN Rowan of the Bukshah Ch 13 The Climb

'So it is not too late, Rye! We still have a chance to stop that future from happening! It is not too late!' [said Sonia] THE THREE DOORS The Third Door Ch 23 Three Doors

And she imagined what her companions on the shore were seeing — a dishevelled girl in a flaring red skirt, surrounded by a throng of fawning ghosts. No wonder Sky and Jewel had fled from her as soon as they were able. She quelled the wave of misery that threatened to engulf her. She had always been haunted by her past. The wraiths were just the visible sign of it. STAR OF DELTORA The Hungry Isle Ch 6 The Glittering Shore

👇👇👇👇

[ben wyatt voice] it's about the perseverance through suffering 👌

👆👆👆👆

there's a bunch of other stuff like double meanings and being epic and found family that i wanted to do but in the end i didn't have time for lol and so i had to chase the serotonin for this last post and make a bad joke out of it to motivate me adfKSDJFH but also so serious

the suffering is not the end; there are horrors AND delights; you lose when you give up; not everything is as it seems but also multiple interpretations can coexist; i know this is so sappy and kids cartoons but it's so real hope is everything and can counter the overwhelmingness of despair; choose to be optimistic, to love, to be happy

you're gonna really feel that in DQ3 because of the high stakes but this is also like the very essence of rowan of rin. he's always being surprised when the big heroic models of courage break down, but they've never had to keep moving forward and doing so scared the way he has. norris was overconfident but he's never had to face something like the cold time and the Mountain, but this is rowan's like hundredth rodeo. this is not to dunk on norris at all but just the way that rowan of rin directly and indirectly shows courage and perseverance

anyway this was supposed to be our beloved trio being a family and looking after each other but it turned into post-mask and then i forgot i cant halfass things to save my life this was supposed to be a crappy shitpost but then i was looking up so much cirque du soleil references trying to figure out what they might wear lol. they might not actually be wearing costumes but the other acrobats with jasmine were so why not put her in one too and then how could bess not resist dressing lief up in her son's clothes etc

so lief's outfit is like a preliminary costume before a more grander and brighter one if he became fully integrated into their circle. i keep searching up baby bird and forgetting that im going to see some gangly pink guys lmao

jasmine's acrobat troupe were described as just blue costumes from what i found. and i was like. UH OH. because i was gonna have to work soooooo hard to differentiate from bede's blue bird vibe. i thought i'd go for a lighter blue than the sorta. royal blue i give him usually. and then it got me thinking sky blue. the perform acrobatics up in the air. they reach for the sky. they up there in the sky. sky costume.

[linddzz]

Dreamling Nonsense Masterpost

Looking for a fic? For a shit post? For a long winded au thread? Playlists? Got it here. Keeping it Dreamling for now until I really have the time to scour through my various fandom posts to collect the Big Hits.

Audacity in Human Form: E. main WIP. A post season 1 "let's see these two figure their shit out" exploration that's best described as two character studies stacked inside of a fanfic shaped coat. My main tagline for it is "it isn't unrequited, Dream just needs therapy." The fic exploring how the two weirdos I have in my head got together.

Fics/Tumblr Ficlets

"Audacity in Human Form" Series

Not exactly a structured chronological series. I have a pretty set version of my Dream and Hob in the canon!universe, so all the fics I write of them are just the same two dolls I'm bumping together in the same sandbox. They can be read in any order or separately, but there are characterization threads and things mentioned that tie them all together. I like to think that put together they can give fun context or more depth to each other :)

I'm less into Big Plots and more into just having fun bumping these dolls together and playing with how they interact!

It's a WIP and I write slow, as my job takes a lot of mental bandwidth.

(Other fics in the same series can be read even while the first isn't done! They don't really spoil much except for the fact that they do end up together. But of course they are.)

In Which Hob, a Shitty Wizard, Meets a Supposed Demon: Gen. Drabble ficlet on Tumblr as I start exploring my Shit-wizard Hob AU. More of a rough draft concept fic

Obviously: E. smut prompt fill one-shot. PWP. Dream is a needy eldritch pissbaby and also violently romantic. Hob scruffs him for some much needed gentle domming.

This Isn't the Trope: Teen. Lots of cussing. Johanna is agressively investigating an immortal man, Hob is looking forward to being dramatically rescued by his hot supernatural boyfriend. No one but Morpheus has a good time.

OTHER FICS/DRABBLES

Audacity in Human Form related posts (esp the ones that broke containment)

"Oysters have nightmares like this"

"Jokes on you, you're into that shit"

Hob: "no. Shut up. I'm talking now."

Characterization Notes aka: I'm gonna start bullying Morpheus

Other mutterings about writing or snippets are under the tags "#my fic" and "#audacity in human form"

AU Cooking:

I'm honestly better at coming up with every single detail for an AU without actually writing the fic, but I like playing in the sandbox and other people seem to have fun with them too :)

Human!AU. There are kinda two versions of this that I'm starting to meld together.

Red Flags AU post: Hob is hired to be the party ruining messy boyfriend, but cannot begin to compete with the insanity that is the Endless family and the Hot Mess Express Morpheus, who hired him. They fall in love instantly. "Why would I fix him??? He's perfect."

Red Flags AU 2: slight deviation from the OG where everything is the same, except Morpheus' messy friend Johanna accidentally introduces them and instantly regrets it. She did not anticipate Hob reacting to Morpheus' red flags like a charging bull.

Assorted Human!Morpheus facts

Shit-wizard Hob AU: where Hob is still immortal, except Death is his Endless buddy. He first meets Morpheus when trying to take up occultism at Fawney Rig (he's bad at it but is gonna stick around now. For reasons.)

Meta-ish Shitposting:

Hob meets Thessaly. Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend" starts playing ominously in the distance when she doesn't appreciate how much of a needy clingy freak Morpheus is.

#1

#2

#3

Spotify Playlists:

I process Blorbo feelings with hyper specific playlists. Putting Dreamling and other fandom ones here bc I guess it's about time I share more of them

Audacity in Human Form PL: 1h33m fic specific. Set up to alternate Dream/Hob POV. Blatant "2012 fandom brain" indulgence in here.

Hot Mess Endless Express: 1hr45m the general Dream playlist. Not ship specific, all romantic songs are how I just see him in any relationship. Mostly serious, except when it isn't but especially when it isnt

The Devil of Fawney Rig: the playlist I imagine goes in Dreams head when he's stuck in a fishbowl and horny for revenge. Made with the shit-wizard Hob AU in mind

Newton Goes Kaiju All Over Everybody's Ass: 1hr it really is too bad that there was never a second Pacific Rim movie but wow isn't Dark!Geiszler a great concept? 🙃

EDDIE I MADE A PLAYLIST EDDIE: 44m Venom made a playlist for Eddie, isn't that nice?

Mountain Son: 1h30m Bagginshield Thorin feelings ahoy. Made with Mahrâna in mind.

The Bacchae: 1h. The soundtrack for the dream production of the Bacchae in my head. Meant to follow the progression of the play

The Huntress and the Maenad: 1h30m insane sapphic bitch in the woods solidarity

Mysteries: 7+hours!!!!!! The ongoing playlist for joining the cult of Dionysus and eating a billionaire in the woods

[canaidliafail]

untitled

streamer ellie Williams x dancer reader 🌿

Id call this an excessively long shitpost. It is in the same timeline with staygrounded but I wrote it down for self indulgent reasons such as -to no ones surprise- venting. It ain’t good btw but its getting better I think.

CW: first of all, reader is a dancer/ dance teacher || short mention of self harm || MDI: there are sexual themes if I remember correctly || Ellie being very gay

If you by any chance do enjoy this concept I don’t mind writing a part 2 tho. Requests are open ✨

“you blame it on the drugs I dont give a fuck cause the damage is done,

and you talk about suicide, its the way you manipulate”

1:35 ───ㅇ───── 3:47 ↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

gossip, rumors, spreading a false narrative and falling in love with being a victim of life and most importantly a victim of you.

So many things that could have been said about her. So many and yet all sat stale at the tip of your tongue. You wanted to rip her to shreds, put a curse on her and considered spending life in prison for premeditated murder. Then you cried and just prayed she would leave you alone and that she would find happiness and that you would never hear anything about it. You scratched your arms, the stitches holding your flesh together getting irritably itchier day by day. flesh that you so willingly sliced a week ago and regretted right after.

It was fucking embarrassing to fall to such depths of despair and misery cause of love. In life we allow things to happen to us. Saying that was comfort of some sorts. It gave you control over a situation that you were dragged around like a puppet.

Could truly another person's venom poison you this irreversibly?

And while you did crave love and attention you refused to humiliate yourself by asking for it,let alone admit to it.

“she didn’t love you, she loved the idea of being with you. You have to realize it baby, You are a known figure now…People will do that to you. This is a whole new world you just entered”

You shook your head and dully stared at the screen playing lo-fi on loop

“New world ? Feels like I'm back in high school”

You sat on the other end of the couch numb and mute. It had been a week since you spoke to your roommate and two since you last saw your whole friend group. You warned them

“I can’t talk but I really need you”

and they came and would chime in to whatever little but you were willing to share that night.

You all woke up around the same time the next day, exam season not really willing to cooperate with your mental breakdown and started getting ready. You had already failed 2 subjects. shit was not going your way so on the fourth day you just gave up and decided to go with the flow

“how bad can it get”

bit of advice fellas, never fucking say that cause it CAN get worse.

While initially you were well prepared for exams, You mixed up the days when you were supposed to submit assignments and the days when you were taking a written exam.

2 failed subjects, 4 more to go.

4 failed subjects… 2 more to go

Hot girl summer just doesn’t feel the same once you hit your 20s it seems.

_________________ 𓆩♡𓆪 _________________

You were aimlessly watching one story after the other,barely there and hardly caring what exactly you were looking at. Abby had just posted one cryptic photo with a girl you saw around in the community and smiled. You could tell something was going on with her and that other streamer girl and you smiled. You thought they were a good match and quite frankly you were just glad to see that some people were doing better in their love life than you ever could. It gave you hope that things like that still existed even if you weren't meant to experience them. Ellie had also just posted and you took a minute longer to appreciate her slender form dressed in tights and a top while horse riding. She was hot and she knew it and you liked that attitude of hers. You checked the next story which was a black screen with a text

*I fell off my horse two minutes after taking that pic*

And chuckled. Your eyes drifted off to the green square mark and cocked a brow

Oh?

So you were in her close friends ?

You sat up

“Wait since when has she-” You asked yourself out loud and noticed that indeed she was following you. In the midst of working on new content and getting out of your depressive slump you started checking your social less and less too busy with dance practice and trying to enjoy life and it seemed like in the middle of your subtle break things…. Happened

Maybe a few months ago when you were down bad for her this would’ve affected you but now you just shrugged and closed your phone. You need to get back to practicing a new dance combo for a video and you couldn’t be bothered. Your ex had scared you off from dating public figures for good. Dating was a strong word…You hardly wanted even a fling at this point.

You got dressed up and put on a wig, fixing your makeup in place and making a movement test before you went to the studio to record the new choreo so that you could only worry about the variation and not have any unnecessary technical issues. The studio was a few minutes away from your place by bus and you put on the songs you planned on rehearsing to get in the mood on your way there humming softly and tuning out any other thought polluting your mind.

There's was a text notification from the user

Elliefuckingwilliams

Which you forced yourself to ignore refusing to entertain whatever she could have texted you. If this was a month ago maybe you would have but now you didnt want to.

_________________ 𓆩♡𓆪 _________________

Ignoring her was your plan until you posted the new video of your dance which admittedly you did look good and may have been one of your best videos up to date. Ellie Was the third like on that post and she had shamelessly double texted you. You chewed on your lip nervous and uncertain

“She texted me again”

Ophelia, your roommate, peeked her head from her iPad and looked at you curious

“Who?”

“Ellie”

“ELLIE?! WAIT THE ELLIE?!” She jumped up and for a moment you for sure she came for your throat but instead clutched the blankets on your couch

“And what do you mean again ?! When did all of this happen ?”

“Relax it all started today and you know I wanted to tell you once we had time to properly hang out” You said fighting back a smile knowing that this was a victory. Ophelia had suffered you for months crying over your ex, then thirsting over Ellie and then back to square one. You owed her an update on your emotional affairs which you swore that they would stay stagnant.

“So what did she say ?”

You opened the Direct messages

Elliefuckingwilliams: Hey I have a question

Elliefuckingwilliams: Is your studio in Seattle ?

Elliefuckingwilliams: I have a project and am looking for a dance instructor. Let me know if you would be interested in a collab

“Ah. Just work stuff it seems”

“EXCUSES SHE JUST WANTS TO EAT YOU OUT AND IS LOOKING FOR A EXCUSE”

“You are shameless”

You stared at each other with a smirk fighting to break through, wanting to seem equally serious despite the ridiculous situation.

“She does not”

“She does. I’m betting 50 dollars”

Oh fuck off ill just roll you a blunt”

“A WIN IS A WIN” she said with her hands in the air “No come on! Respond already you are driving me crazy”

You rolled your eyes and considered her offer. You were taken aback cause Ellie didn’t seem like she would do anything with…dancing. However you weren’t new to influencers trying new things to get back on the algorithms favor so you brushed it off as her chasing new heights to her already growing fame.

-Hey, I’m not sure where you are exactly and it isn’t my studio. I am just renting the space but I could give you a lesson or two

Elliefuckingwilliams: Sweet! When are you available ? I have a gap next week otherwise it can be next month

You stared at her immediate response and quirked your brow in approval. Professional and straight to the point. You could respect that. Not what you were aiming for. You tried to ignore the previous conversations you two had that showed above her new messages. Your fruitless attempts at getting her attention in the most stupid of ways. Can’t blame a girl for trying. Shoot for the stars they say. You’ll land on dirt but hey, at least you gave it a fair shot and therefore no one could blame you for trying.

-This week is good. Say Friday ?

Elliefuckingwilliams: Yeah yeah cool! I'll text you the day before so that you can tell me your location and everything

You pursed your lips and turned to look at Ophelia who was on all fours on your couch desperately trying to steal a glance at your phone screen. You tossed it on one of the floor cushions

“Not a date. I’m just gonna be her dance instructor so looks like you owe me that blunt”

“Nu-uh. Bet you’ll be raw dogging in the studio. We will see who wins on Friday”

_________________ 𓆩♡𓆪 _________________

“And the dance floor is filling up with blood, But oh, Lord you’ve never been so in love”

ELLIE’s POV

Ellie was convinced that God had specifically hand crafted her body to be incapable of dancing. She had no coordination and perhaps was even tone deaf which was ridiculous for someone who played the guitar and sang. Not that she was a pro at that either but who creates a musician who doesn’t understand how to step on notes in any way other than with an instrument ? So now that she had texted you she was frantic, bouncing her leg up and down and chewing on the flesh around her fingernails.

“What's gotten into you?”

Dina asked while folding clothes. She was at her and Jesse's apartment for the night and she had yet to tell them about her new crush and her impatient attempt at getting to see you as soon as possible. Ellie was aware of you as a creator. Be it from a post-share on her friends stories or you falling on her timeline she would see you here and there. She vividly remembered a month where you peaked and she went from seeing you once every two months at best to seeing you every week. And she was curious as to why was everyone going crazy over you and your content. You seemed to interact mostly with Abby’s girl.

That’s how Ellie referred to the girl Abby seemed to be crushing on. In a game of broken telephone and who told what, Ellie planned on seeing how close Abby was with her girl and if that was close enough for her to ask if she could…well ask her about you and then somehow for that information to get back to you.

But all that plan failed the second Ellie asked

“So is Cotton dating anyone?”

And Abby took that horribly wrong and now was set on gatekeeping her. Ellie was awkward and a mess and couldn’t communicate properly what she wanted because to her, what she asked was obvious and had no hidden meaning or intention but the world around her didn’t work like that and she struggled so fucking hard with it.

Ellie’s second grant failure was when she followed you back. She was sure that you wouldn’t have missed it. But the silence was so loud it was deafening. You were still posting but you were otherwise quiet everywhere else. You rarely even watched her stories at this point so Ellie decided to grow a backbone and some balls and directly message you.

She flinched at the dry responses she gave you to your previous interactions which back then seemed professional but now they seemed…So distant.

Finally, she texted you.

and you responded.

“Dina I did a stupid thing”

Dina tossed the clothes in the wardrobe and kicked close giving up on tidying Jesse’s shit

“Ok, stupid how? Like speaking money or-”

“I texted my crush-”

“You have a crush?”

“Yes and so I texted her and-”

“Who is she ?”

“A content creator, anyways so I texted her”

“WHo?”

“Dina can you let me talk?!” she said frustrated and Dina grinned. She went to the kitchen aisle to grab a bottle of water and tossed another one Ellie’s way. She leaned against the counter listening to her friend endless yawping about this new crush. she called her twice a day until Friday, and would recite every move and gesture she planned on using to seduce you. Dina would turn each one down by saying

“You do realize that when you see her you will just shit your pants from excitement and won't say anything right?”

So ellie would hang up and call a few hours later with a new plan that aligned more with how she typically acted.

When Friday came she showered twice and changed outfits over and over again, as a result she was late. She was proud of her fit since the sleeveless turtleneck did a nice job at hugging her slim, well built frame and showed off her toned arms that took years of calisthenics to build and paired with a baggy pair of sweatpants she felt like she had the biggest dick in the city.

But once she parked outside of the studio you mentioned cold sweat ran down her spine and her hands felt clammy and sticky from anxiety.

what the hell am I doing

she questioned and rested her head against the steering wheel. She drummed her fingers on the soft leather and hummed a melody to ease her nerves till she heard light tapping on the window. She lifted her head and looked up and there you were. hair loose, shorts and a baggy graphic T that had a faded graffiti-like artwork of spiderman.

She hated how much she loved the sight in front of her.

she opened her door and slid out trying to gather her stuff in a hurry

“Hi sorry, were you waiting long? I missed the bus and had to wait a bit until the next one came…”

“no no! Its cool I was just, ugh trying to calm down cause I'm nervous”

you smiled and lowered your brows in empathy

“I assumed you would. You don't have experience in dancing right? Or at least you haven’t mentioned it anywhere”

She winced at how obvious her lie was and she didn’t know how to answer to that

I don’t dance but If that’s what it takes to fuck you then sure I can learn how to do a Ronde de Jambe

“ah yeah you got me there, I’ve never danced before”

“That’s cool with me. Just curious on what piqued your interest to start now. New hobby or…?”

“yeah new hobby!” she hurried to answer, glad that you inspired her on what lie to use for the day.

You nodded while checking her out head to toe and before she had time to boost her ego and assume that you did because you found her hot you said-

“Hm. I will need you to wear tighter pants next time so that I can see what you are doing with your legs. But for today it's fine”

and took the keys out of your duffel bag

“Well. Ellie williams. Ready to start?”

“ah yeah just, be gentle…? I've never done anything remotely close to dancing with my body and I might be pretty stiff”

“Don’t worry about it. I've had every type of student and all of them managed to pull a few cool moves in their second month. If there’s a will there’s a way”

she smiled more nervous than before. You were formal and professional leaving little close to no space for her to get flirty and she was at a loss. She should’ve done more research on dancer etiquette so that she wouldn’t have looked like such an uneducated swine but there was no point in getting angry over that now.

“We will start with basic breathing exercises and a warm up just to get you in the swing of things. We will start with body isolations”

Ellie stared at you from the mirror as you showed her the first few basic motions

“Alright so for the warmup just follow my lead”

you grabbed the remote and put on “never ending song” by Conan Grey which had a pretty standard rhythm and was easy to dance along to. Ellie was in awe with the plasticity of your body, every move being a continuation of the previous one all like a rolling tide of emotions complimenting the beat and the beat complimenting you.

On the other end, Ellie was too embarrassed to look at her own reflection

“alright so first to isolate your hips from your chest” you said and let the next song play. You laid your palm flat on her back and pointed a bit below her collarbones holding your fist in the air

“move with me, breathe in” you said and she tried to copy your move watching your chest rise. You shook your head

“no, I need only your chest to move. Relax your shoulders love” you teased with an easy smile and Ellie by now was a mess, from the proximity and from the simple exercise of trying to move your breathing pattern

You were oblivious to it all going from one body part to another occasionally fixing up her posture and tapping the part that she had to focus on, but all hell broke loose in your brain when you laid your hand on her stomach asking her to clench and unclench her core hunching within herself.

“You were so dramatic before, look at you Els. You just needed a little basic guidance “ you encouraged and she smiled and looked at you in excitement, oblivious to the fact that when she turned her head she was a breath away from accidentally kissing you

“ah! I-“

you smirked and pulled away

“I've been rehearsing this one choreo, best way to understand these exercises is through a dance routine. How do you feel about that?”

Ellie agreed and while dancing she kept being thrown off balance at the sharp turns that she had to take which in return slowed her down and she would miss a few steps. You let the music play in the background and let out an awkward chuckle

“Fuck ok this is my fault see I forgot to tell you about spotting”

“Spotting?”

You nodded and you pushed her back by her shoulder freeing up a line for you

“See when we turn, we always have a spot” You said and stepped into the appropriate preparation to do 8 simple turns, your head always snapping the back to the invisible mark you held with your eyes

Ellie pursed her lips. Seemed like such an obvious trick but one that went completely over her head

“Now I see that you struggle to look at yourself in the mirror, Which is fine. I’m sure you'll get used to it eventually, so instead try taking a few turns while holding eye contact with me, yeah ?”

You offered and she took a couple steps back

“Ugh…what were all those moves you made before spinning?”

“Oh don’t worry about that,thats ballet stuff. Just spin. Bent your elbows and hold your arms against your chest if it helps”

Ellie started off slow, picking up the pace as she neared you, eventually losing sight of what was in front of her

“Wow-wow-wowwww I got you” you said and steadied her by her shoulders and held her in place. She looked up at you taking in deep breaths, cheeks flushed and eyes wide open with her lips parted in a soft smile

“That went well, How do you feel?”

You said and you gently rubbed your thumb against the naked skin of her biceps.

“Great, I… I liked this it makes more sense now”

She said filled with excitement

_________________ 𓆩♡𓆪 _________________

Every time Ellie liked your story you felt your heart skip a few beats. You were in the studio for your solo dancing practice and kept bouncing from one leg to the other to keep your muscles warm while you scrolled through your phone to find some inspiration or a pic that you could post and in return give Ellie an opening to respond to. The image of her timidly trying to follow along through your every move, her flushed cheeks and her voice shaking did things to your brain chemistry, re-wiring its entire structure and flow. Every time she posted a story with a smug smile and pants lower than her boxer briefs you just laughed remembering what a shy and soft mess of words the girl was and felt an unhealthy amount of endearment. A spark re-ignited in your dead heart and you liked it. You liked ellie when you didn’t know her, and you liked her even more now that you did.

By now it had been…a good two weeks that consisted of 4 dance practices that you had with her. The first time you saw her up close all you thought was a “huh”

And then a “she is shorter than me-“ which for you was dangerous. You had an incredibly soft spot for masc lesbians who were shorter than you. Unfortunately they were never attracted to you though. You had always attracted the exact opposite of what you wanted and you blamed that on your overly dominant attitude.

On the second day you both had the same idea of treating each other to a coffee and so you ended up with 4 paper cups of iced almond milk lattes which you laughed about for a good 10 minutes

“We are so in sync!” You commented and she nodded excitedly, blushing all the way to her ears.

On the third dance practice you purposely pretended to assist her and correct her to find an excuse to touch her and when you saw how positively she reacted to it you pushed on the advantage that you had, heavily , which made you believe that maybe there really was some kind of ulterior motive as to why Ellie was so set on having you as a dancing coach.

On the fourth day there was a shift in the tide and something was in the waters. Ellie had her hair gathered and decided to wear the sluttiest outfit on earth ( aka a white top and grey sweatpants )

She went to greet you with a hug and you noticed her perfume, subtle but there to make you lust after it. She asked if she could record the Dance you were rehearsing for a post and you felt alright with that. And she excelled. She was a fast learner and her body had a good flow. It did need polishing but she wasn’t half as bad as she claimed to be. The fifth video take was close to perfection and in her excitement she yanked you towards her and wrapped you in a tight hug which you immediately reciprocated eager for the contact with the sex God standing before you. You took in the blended smell of her perfume and her sweat which had you feel insufferable discomfort with how tight your pants were. Something about her raw scent had you horny like a dog and you had to clench your jaw in patience not to act out of instinct and try to get closer than needed.

You both laughed and she yelled in excitement “I fucking did it”

And then your voice followed, a bit quieter “I told you, you could do it” she pulled back her arm still on your waist, her thumb caressing the skin as she watched the video a second time in excitement. You took the chance to stand a bit closer to her while she in sync wrapped her whole arm around you and leaned her head against your chest enjoying the dance and pointing out things that you could do differently next time, all in the comfort of each other’s embrace.

She posted the video and in the daze of the excitement of seeing what you two looked like next to each other you forgot to worry about the fact that you were yet again getting entangled with a public figure. An actually big one. While your previous relationship was just your ex leeching off of you and your success, this one…it had to be different. Ellie had nothing to gain from you and you put your trust in that and in the fact that the two of you seemed to genuinely get along

You decided to text her first

“You impatient fuck. We could’ve filmed a better take tomorrow”

“You are such an ass, let me enjoy my accomplishments”

You started tidying up the studio and decided to leave your bag with your ballet clothes and pointe there since you would come tomorrow for Ellie’s lessons anyways. You chatted back and forth all the way back and you almost tripped on your staircase too busy typing a response. You banged your head against your door though thinking you had unlocked it to find that you didn’t. Ophelia opened it for you

“Girl?”

You looked at each other and you immediately broke into a smile the split your lips

“Ellie posted our video. And she left in the part where she hugged me”

“Oh-hooooo” she exclaimed and rushed you in. She tossed the mop on the side of the wall and nudged you to the couch abandoning whatever housework she was in the middle of to listen to you

“Aaaand we are still talking” You said smiling and Ophelia clapped cheering for you while you swung your way inside the house and fell dramatically on the couch.

“Oh my, I’m so glad the Gods heard our prayers cause I was sure I was about to send you off to priesthood”

“It wasn’t that bad”

You said with an offended gasp and she scoffed

“Honey, one more month and you were about to grow back your virginity. I’m just happy to see you back out there and not just with anyone but with The Ellie fucking williams!” She said getting louder with every word. You joined her cheerful demeanor hopping on the couch and you both started bouncing on it like kids in a playground

“I can’t believe this. I wanna wear something good for our practice tomorrow”

“Shorts and that nice red bodysuit!”

“But-“

“No buts! I know it’s uncomfortable but she will see you and rip it off right away so how much will you really suffer, you know?”

Ophelia coming through with the obvious answer to any and every world known issue was exactly what you needed to finish off your day. Though to be fair, if there was anything you should have listened to regarding -making a move on your crush- that would have to be her. She had a banging record of pulling every single guy she set her eyes on and one night standing them for her own satisfaction. Of course now she had her sights on someone specific but that didn’t change or erase all previously acquired skills in the flirting department. Despite all of that, You ended up rejecting the bodysuit idea because that would be a hassle to actually get off if things would go anywhere and even if they wouldn't, anything that tight during summer was a nightmare in general.

“Hey can I borrow that white top you have?”

“Borrow whatever you want and do whatever you want just never let me know about it”

_________________ 𓆩♡𓆪 _________________

on the day that you fully planned on making a move a couple things went wrong. First and foremost well, It decided to rain down which meant you had to run all the way from the bus stop to the studio in a hopeless attempt to preserve your hair and outfit. It didn’t do much since you ended up like a drenched cat either way but you refused to let your mood falter.

You tried texting Ellie to ask if she could bring coffee for you two.

Few minutes later she came in with two iced coffees, not a drop of rain on her which you were awfully jealous of. Her cropped hair was once again all gathered in a short ponytail and she wore two sports wristbands around her arms which did unimaginable things to you. It was good sight with her sleeveless baggy tshirt. Ellie just knew how to dress plain and attractive.

“Looking good” she teased when she found you furiously trying to dry the ends of your hair with a towel

“Shut up. Please shut up”

“So sensitive” she said and rolled her eyes making her way to you and taking the towel from your hands

“Let me help” it wasn’t so much of a request as it was a demand when she pulled the towel out of your hands and moved behind you, wrapping your hair in it and squeezing it to get most of the water out. You felt your body temperature rise at the awfully tender gesture and unsure of what to do you just fidgeted with your hands looking at the floor

“ I can drive you back to your place if you want”

“No, it's fine. Ill wait it out”

“No no, I insist. Let me drive you back and look cool while doing so”

A soft chuckle escaped your lips as she rounded you up to give you the towel with a small shy smile, her cheeks a shade of pink now.

Practice was good if you were to ignore that Ellie seemed a lot more focused on your assets rather than the moves you were showing. You knew the biker shorts you were gave her a 4K view of your ass but you didn't expect her to be this obvious about it. You stepped back after a moment and just watched as she rehearsed the dance on her own and you were in awe on how much more comfortable she seemed with her body now

“Good. This one was very good. Want me to film you so that you look at yourself?”

you asked and she shook her head satisfied with the progress. You slouched on the ground, legs spread and ankles on your knees wiping the sweat of your brow carefully as not wipe your brow completely off with it and looked at the time

“Well we are pretty much done then for today. Unless there’s anything you wanted to ask me or anything else you wanna try doing?” you asked and Ellie followed your lead walking over to you across the room and crouching down on her knees in front of you

“Oh yeah I did wanna ask something”

“go ahead then” you said dreading having to get up. You didn’t have to though

“Can I take you out on a date ? for coffee perhaps?”

[dear-mrs-otome]

Jude Jazza - Fake Lovers Event + Sweet End

(AKA Villainous Love That Unfolds on a Moonless Night but fuck that title it's too long)

I make no guarantees on accuracy. I make no guarantees on seriousness. This is, on multiple occasions, a shitpost in summary form - but I hope you enjoy it anyways.

~~~~~~~~

Our story opens on Kate - her lips hot, her heart pounding - telling Jude that she never wants to be the ‘lover’ of someone like him, ever again.

Jude thanks her sarcastically, before telling her it should have been him turning down someone like her to begin with…and Kate’s in total disbelief, wtf is wrong with me style, at the fact that his cruel smile is kinda doing it for her right now.

Absolutely fucking not, she’s telling herself. IX-NAY, FULL STOP, BAD OVARIES DOWN GIRL.

~~~Rewinddddd~~~

After she’d become the fairy tale writer, Victor had come up with an idea to help Kate get to know the boyos better, her first task. To pick one of the members of the Crown and spend the day as their ‘lover’. She’s like, nani the fuck?? How am I supposed to pick someone for that? But Victor’s clearly evil accounted for this, because he’s got the solution - if she can’t decide, he’ll decide for her. With DARTS.

Already prepared for this, Victor hucks a dart at a target and then immediately turns to her all soberfaced and apologizing. Not feeling that apologetic though because the next moment he’s smiling as he says she might be in for a bumpy road. He leads her to the lounge and goes right up to JUDE, of all people, which has Kate utterly dismayed. He literally managed to pick the WORST person possible, didn’t he?!

Jude is far from pleased at being interrupted, looking up from his paper with bitchface as Victor explains his proposal, and his answer is clear. A flat nope.

Just because she’s a woman, he’s supposed to have her pose as his lover? He doesn’t think she’s got the stomach for it in the first place.

Victor cheerfully tells him he’ll bump up how much money Jude’s getting next month, and Jude’s still far from pleased at the idea but money clearly talks, and with a patented-Jude ‘tch’ and a sneer he turns to Kate. 

Jude: Once we’re outta here, I don’t wanna hear whining anythin’ like ‘I wanna go back’ or ‘I hate this’ or whatever. Promise that and we’re on.

She’s thinking fine fine, she’s come this far already may as well give it a go. She’s gotta take this first task and do it well  so that she can be trusted as a fairytale writer and get out of this castle.

Kate: Yes! I promise!

Jude lets out a sigh like he can’t believe she just said that so enthusiastically, and Roger chimes in looking totally gobsmacked. He warns her that she’s just earned herself a rough go of it, making a promise to Jude - Jude’s deadly serious about keeping promises he’s made, but he expects the same of anyone else, and he’ll exact cruel ruthless revenge on anyone who breaks their word. 

Kate’s all kinds of nervous hearing that now, and when she echoes it she glances over to find Jude with a cruel smile on his face, as if enjoying her fear.

Jude: Don't make promises so easily, Princess. I’m gonna spend the rest of the day teachin' you that.

~~~~~~~~

It takes her only a few minutes to regret her life choices, wishing for nothing more than to go back home already.

Jude and Ellis had told her they were going to work, so she tagged along with them, and it had taken only a brief while before Jude had ducked into an alley off the road and there been accosted by a man with a knife. He jumps out, yelling about how he can’t forgive (a thoroughly unimpressed) Jude for wanting to make the man lose his mansion, his property, everything he has. No matter how much he works he’ll never pay off his debts, the man shouts. His family will be ruined! It’s ALL Jude’s fault!

Jude merely says Ellis’ name, and in a blink Ellis has the man pinned to the ground, disarmed.

Leaving Kate shocked by how fast he moved and how deftly he handled that. 

Jude reminds the man it was HE who broke his contract - if he wants to starve to death paying for a lawsuit he can’t win, go right on ahead. Tossing those words at him all casually as he simply walks by, leaving the man wailing on the ground. 

The dude seems pretty defeated, so Ellis lets go of him and gets up to follow Jude…but Kate is conflicted. Obviously she doesn’t have any clue what sort of deal the guy had with Jude, or how he broke it, but he seems pretty busted up and too pathetic to just leave him lying there in the dirt like this. Feeling bad, she takes out her handkerchief and hands it to the man - but all that ends up doing is enraging him, feeling like he’s being pitied by a girl like her. 

He grabs her leg rather than the kerchief, causing her to squeal and tell the man to let go of her, but he shouts at her for mouthing off to him. 

Just as she’s frozen in fear…a well-polished shoe smashes the man’s face. 

Jude: Don’t just touch something of mine.

Kate’s aghast as she follows the leg attached to the heel still grinding into the man’s face and finds Jude standing there, looking down at the dude and looking pissed. The man manages a few grunts, but that just causes Jude to grin and say how much he’s relishing the man’s miserable expression. Laughing at the sight of the blood running from the agonized man’s nose before turning away.

Kate forces herself to follow Jude, leaving the broken man behind, but she still carefully leaves her handkerchief beside him before she goes.

~~~~~~~~

Though the method might leave something to be desired, she’s gotta admit to herself that Jude protected her, and so she thanks him when they get back out to the street. But Jude just scoffs that she’s a sheltered princess, and tells her he didn’t do it for her. It’s because right now she’s supposed to to be ‘his woman’, and if he lets someone doing something to her slide to her it’ll only cause problems for him - AKA he’s gotta keep up appearances.

She thinks to herself that she’d rather he just accepted her thanks, since he did help her, but she gets why he was so vicious about it at least. And she broaches the subject of the guy, asking what the deal was with him, but all Jude says on the matter is that the guy made promises he couldn’t keep, and now he’s paying for them. 

Jude: Pretty sad, pathetic, and hilarious, innit?

She’s trying to figure out how Jude’s so chill about a dude hating him enough to want to kill him - actually, scratch calm, he looks almost like he’s enjoying the whole thing. Like he’s having fun. And she thinks back to the write-up she’d seen on Jude:

‘Curse: The 13th Fairy. Ruthless, arrogant, and vindictive.’

Sounds spot on, she’s thinking. 

Jude reminds her to watch herself, lest she end up like that dude, because he knows she was just thinking how she wanted to go back home and how she hated all this. (AKA about to break her promise too)

Kate: I might have thought it, but I didn’t SAY it.

Jude: A shame. I went into that alley and put you in danger and everythin'.

Cue Kate like…whaaa? She asks incredulously if he's saying he tried to get her attacked on purpose to make her break her promise?!?

Jude smirks and implies she managed to guess right, which only enrages Kate.

Kate: You’re the worst!

Jude (100% unrepentant and grinning): Why thank you. I’m lookin' forward to finding out just 'ow long that sassy attitude of yours lasts.

~~~~~~~~

She’d assumed saying they were going to work meant an office or something, but instead they bring her to the dockyards. Makes sense though she guesses, when you own a trading company. 

Jude sends Ellis off to prepare for some unspecified ‘thing’ that might happen tonight, and Ellis seems to get what he’s alluding to, bidding Kate a cheerful farewell and leaving her wondering just what they’re talking about and where Ellis is going. Pondering that she follows along after Jude as he moves about the dockyards, giving instructions here and there. He speaks with dock workers and the foreman and she finds herself a seat between crates to watch him as he does. Taking in the way everyone looks at him with a mixture of fear, nervousness, and sometimes hostility - tempered with respect.

He finishes up the conversation, and a friendly young man comes rushing up to Jude, who pulls a face at how loud the man, Jack, is. Jack is delighted that Jude remembers his name, and Kate’s a little surprised to see that someone out there is a Jude fan. 

That’s about when Jack notices her there, and asks who she is.

Jude: Oh, my woman.

Jack’s about to losing his mind over this revelation - holy what?? Bossman’s girlfriend?? And he’s practically shouting, so loud that Kate’s cringing as a sea of eyes turn her way. It freaks her out and she wonders if it’s all in her imagination that she feels like people are all jinxing her.

Jude scowls and says what of it? What if he does have a girlfriend? Jack’s left trying to make excuses and apologize for making a spectacle, until Jude just long-suffering sighs and tells him to get back to work

Felling hella uncomfortable, Kate’s scrunching herself down between the crates and such trying to stay out of sight as much as possible, when she senses Jude’s amusement and looks up.

Jude: Yeah, good, stay small like that. There’s plenty of people who’d kill you just for bein’ my woman.

She asks if he’s meaning to say she might be attacked again like she was before, getting nervous all over again remembering that guy who’d grabbed her leg.

Jude asks if she’s scared, and she starts to say OF COURSE but she stops herself, trying to decide if he’d consider it a complaint if she did. (AKA a violation of her promise)

He snorts at that and steps closer and says of course she’d be terrified - a sheltered, defenseless princess like her? It’ll be a miracle for her to make it home unscathed after all the things that’ll happen to her. 

Only when he finishes does she realize he’s backed her up against the crates, with nowhere else to run - a fact he gleefully points out. He wraps his fingers around her throat and squeezes, not enough to hurt or cut her air off, but tight enough to make her blood run cold. 

Kate: Sto-!

She keeps herself from finishing that too, not willing to tell him to stop and risk breaking her promise. But being unable to resist like that only amps up her fear more.

Jude: If I put just a bit more strength into this hand, you’re never going back to the castle. Alright?

Kate’s thinking NO ACTUALLY THIS IS FAR FROM OKAY?! But she can’t protest so she does the next best thing - glares at him furiously.

Jude lets out a little laugh and says he likes that face, it’s the cutest thing he’s seen all day. He almost feels bad for her, because she clearly wants to go home but can’t say it. If she breaks her promise, he’ll do terrible things to her, no?

He seems amused, clearly seeing right through her fears and conflict, and she wonders if THIS is what he meant when he’d threatened to show her that she shouldn't make promises so easily. But that’s just what she does.

Pissed off now, Kate finds her voice, and furiously she tells him it’s not because she’s afraid of his vengeance that she doesn’t protest. It’s simply because she doesn’t want to give up on earning their trust and earning her freedom.

Jude looks taken aback, as she finishes by telling him that’s why she will keep the promise she made to him.

He clicks his tongue and lets go of her, and the sudden rush of blood to her head makes her dizzy. She staggers and starts to fall, but he grabs her by the upper arm and hauls her roughly back to steady on her feet.

Jude: Can’t have my woman just falling down can I?

She’s fuming to herself about how he’s still quite literally The Worst, when he tells her he’s going to be taking care of some business so she’s on her own for awhile here, and with that he just unceremoniously leaves. And stays gone, for hours…long enough for Kate to be left wishing for home once more as she’s freezing her ass off once night begins to fall. 

The young man from earlier, Jack, approaches her, and she recognizes him. Jack tells her that Jude’s sent for her, and she’s fuming internally at him leaving her along for friggin ever and then summoning her whenever he damn well feels like it…but she forces herself to smile and accepts Jack’s offer to take her to him.

He takes her through the streets to a business warehouse, and inside she sees an unfamiliar man dressed in black with a bowler hat on, and guards surrounding him. 

Bowler Hat Man: Are you Jude Jazza’s girl?

A wary Kate tries to back out, but she’s grabbed by Jack. Appalled, she asks Jack if he’s stabbing Jude in the back, but Jack tells her it’s not betrayal - it was just contracted work, and he’s found a better-paying job. Who wouldn’t take it?

Jack hands her over to the Bowler Hat Man, who evil chuckles over how he figured Kate would make a worthwhile hostage so he’d had her brought in - that man bringing a woman along is something that never happens. Kate asks if by ‘that man’ he means Jude, and the Bowler Hat Man agrees. He tells her how Jude killed a dude who tried sending a woman to seduce Jude for his own gain, and that Jude seems to surprisingly give a shit about ladies. 

Kate’s like uhhh are you sure you’ve got the right person here?? This amuses the Bowler Hat Man a ton, but he says basically that Jude’s got some dirt on him, and he’s going to leverage Kate’s safety in exchange for negotiating.

She asks what’ll happen if Jude refuses, and the Bowler Hat Man simply says too bad so sad, that’ll mean she dies. THAT scares the shit out of her, because she knows there’s no freaking way Jude’s going to negotiate for her. She’s gonna have to figure out how to somehow get out of this all on her own.

Kate tries to tell the guy that she just tagged along with Jude to work today, but Bowler Hat says nah girl you were spotted getting all flirty at the docks today.

Kate: Did that seriously look like we were flirting? He was strangling me!?

Bowler Hat Man says hey, some people are into that kinda thing, and Kate’s about ready to choke at that.  She starts vehemently protesting that she really truly doesn’t have anything to do with that man (Jude), this is all just a huge misunderstanding!

Jude’s voice: What a terrible thing to say about your lover…I’m wounded.

She turns around at the sound of his voice and the thump of something heavy falling to the ground, and sees Jude there walking in past an unconscious guard, tossing out a snarky greeting and an apology for interrupting.

SWEET END

The man in the bowler hat recognizes Jude, and he grabs Kate, wrapping an arm around her tightly and pressing something up against her forehead that she realizes, to her horror, is a pistol.

Jude: Ha, that’s a great look, Kate.

She’s bracing herself for the inevitable moment where Jude says she’s not his lover and he refuses to negotiate, at which point…she’ll be killed. Just the thought has her shaking like a leaf with fear - and Jude seems to be genuinely enjoying the sight of her in terror as he laughs and says how much he likes the frightened look in her eyes. 

He asks if she wants his help, and she’s thinking NO SHIT ISN’T THAT OBVIOUS?

She’s nodding YES desperately, only to be left more and more of a nervous wreck as Jude strings her along, until the Bowler Hat Man is like, so much for a sweet reunion between lovers?

Jude’s a little disappointed he’s got to stop enjoying the sight of Kate in distress and pay attention to the man, but he switches his focus from her to Bowler Hat and states that it seems the guy is using Jude’s warehouse for business other than they’d agreed on. Jude doesn’t give a shit if he wants to use it to sell guns or whatever other nastiness - BUT. They had a contract that specifically said no buying or selling of PEOPLE didn’t they?

Kate’s thinking, holy crap they’re trading in people?

Bowler Hat wants Jude to overlook all that though - after all, he says, even poor people can fetch a good price when sold. It’ll line Jude’s pockets and help clean the filth from London’s shithole excuse for a port.

Jude’s just silent at that, and the guy keeps wheedling - Jude loves other people’s misery, and money, so of course he’d let something like this slide, right?? If Jude agrees to it, he’ll give Kate back unharmed.

She’s summing this all up in her head, that obviously what’s going on here is the guy broke his contract with Jude to use a warehouse he’d rented from him to engage in human trafficking. And now he’s trying to threaten Jude into letting it continue.

The whole thing makes her sick to her stomach, and while she doesn’t WANT to die she can’t wrap her head around sparing herself at the expense of ignoring the awful shit this guy’s up to. 

She could never, ever, do such a horrible thing.

So, biting her lip to hold back her fear, she looks squarely at Jude and puts all her effort into keeping her voice from trembling when she speaks. 

Kate: Jude…that nod earlier? I take it back.

He startles at that before he answers.

Jude: You’re seriously hopeless, you know that?

But her heart skips a beat at the smile he’s wearing when he says it - pitying and dumbfounded, but somehow still gentle. She’s honestly having a hard time believing what she’s seeing.

Slightly warm fuzzy moment all gone though when the smile falls from his face and he says he doesn’t need to be told what to do by her, so quiet down. His eyes are cold when he turns back to Bowler Hat and says there’s a few things the man seems to have misunderstood about him that he’s going to clear up. 

First - that Jude loves other people’s misery and money. What he loves is eating the rich, basically. He loves the despair when the high and mighty, like Bowler Hat, fall from their comfy lap of luxury. 

Bowler Hat has only a moment to be like, wtf? Before the air in the warehouse is torn apart by gunshots and screams, as the guards surrounding Bowler Hat all collapse. He’s so dumbfounded that Jude easily darts in and takes advantage of the distraction to twist his gun arm back. 

Secondly, Jude tells him, is that no matter what kind of leverage someone tries to use against him he’ll never let anyone get away with breaking a contract.

Jude: Third…

He rips Kate away from the man and into his own arms on a sneer.

Jude: Whatever my answer is, I’m gonna be sure to get her back without a scratch.

He drives a knee hard into Bowler Hat’s stomach at that, and the man falls over on the spot. Kate’s still trying to catch up to the fact that Jude’s helped her again…and trying to tell her pounding heart to chill out. It’s most definitely NOT racing over Jude saving her bacon, or because he’s holding her. Absolutely not. Clearly it’s just because she’s scared.

Clearly.

She knows she’s telling herself lies nobody would believe, and in the meantime Jude aims the pistol he stole from Bowler Hat at him and tells him not to worry - he’s not going to turn him over to the police. In return for that, he just asks the man to be the subject for some dangerous research. Jude takes perverse delight in the idea of Bowler Hat experiencing the ‘joys’ of physical labor for the first time.

When the agonized man finally passes out, Jude calls out for Ellis to carry the guy off, and Ellis materializes out of the shadows with his own gun in hand. He observes on a smile that Jude seems pretty pleased right now, which only leads Jude to pull a face and tell Ellis to go get his eyes checked if that’s what he sees, after dropping this dude off at the lab.

Ellis seems a little disappointed, but he does as asked and disappears with Bowler Hat.

Kate asks if the man is going to be killed, and Jude tells her that he accepted this mission on the condition that if he could destroy the human trafficking ring, he alone got to decide whether the target lived or died.

Jude: I don’t see why I should let condescending bastards, living comfy and cushy lives while they exploit others, get off with something as easy as dying. It’s the way of the world that what goes around comes around, and it wouldn’t be fair for them to die before suffering through the same hell, right?

Kate’s still reeling from the revelation that this was all a mission though, and says as much aloud. Jude grimaces at her screeching and says what the heck else would it be?

Kate: So you didn’t come to my rescue because I was kidnapped by accident…

Jude tells her he knew they’d try anything to get him to negotiate with them, so she’d make a natural target if she was seen out and about with him. Kate’s like, wait you KNEW THAT and you left me alone?!

They devolve into arguing, Jude exasperated that she’s gotta pester him with so many obvious questions and Kate still furious that hello?? She might have been KILLED?!

Jude, scoffing: I’d never do anything to get my bait killed.

Kate’s just seeing red over having been used as bait, and she tells Jude, once again, that he is The Worst. Jude’s practically rolling his eyes as he tells her she already used that line earlier, doesn’t she have any new ones? Lighting up a smoke, he walks out of the warehouse - pausing on the way to land a hard parting kick on Jack, who is lying on the ground with the rest of the defeated guards.

~~~~~~~~

Back out at the docks, Kate questions Jude as to the nature of this ‘dangerous research’ he’s going to use that man as a subject for, but he tells her it’ll never have anything to do with her. 

If it’s so dangerous, it seems like it might have serious and permanent effects, and she’s wondering whether Bowler Hat will come seeking revenge on Jude if he survives it. Also remembering with a shudder the hatred in the man’s eyes who threatened Jude with a knife in the alley. She could never stomach living with people constantly hating you and wanting to see you dead.

Kate: The more you torment people, the more they'll just hate you…why do you have to torture them?

Jude just smirks and tells her it’s the price of a delightful hobby, and she asks if it’s really fun enough to risk his life over. He stops at that and turns back towards her, causing Kate to almost crash into him, leaving them almost nose to nose. 

Jude: Can I torment you until you hate me so much you wanna kill me, just to be sure?

Only for him to immediately break out laughing when Kate gasps, and say he’s just fucking with her. Quite pleased with himself at having her at a loss.

He tells her that a sheltered princess would never get it, and she thinks that she doesn’t understand and she doesn’t WANT to understand. 

This man’s a cold-hearted, arrogant, ruthless sadist…but…when he put her in danger today, it was Jude who freed her and kept her safe. If he’d really made that promise to her with ill intent, she’d not have made it through the day unscathed. 

That moment where Jude had promised to spend the day showing her the folly of making promises so lightly comes back to mind again…and she realizes he’d done exactly what he’d said he would and taught her the rules of this dark world she’s stepped into. Maybe because he knows the importance of a promise. 

That doesn’t make showing appreciation any easier to swallow though, leaving her to force herself to thank him for today. 

Jude asks what’s with the surly attitude saying it, would it kill her to smile more? Aaaand Kate’s back to exasperated with this man, but she tells him she learned a lot about the dangers of making promises and that she’ll be more careful next time, all on a smile this time.

Jude snarkily praises that…then grabs her chin with a cold smile, setting her flailing and asking what he’s doing.

Jude: You’ve done a good job of keeping your agreement with Victor and your promise to me…but I saved your life two times today. You owe me twice.

Kate’s in disbelief, even as ruthless amethyst eyes glint at her bewitchingly. Like a cunning predator, toying with its prey. Then Jude smirks and wonders aloud…what exactly should he get in return for saving his ‘sweetheart’?

FIN

(The little scene we get at the start of the story is from the epilogue)

~~~~~~~~

<< Bitter End | Epilogue >> (TBC)

~~~~~~~~

@violettduchess @just-simping-over-genshin

[hrodvitnon]

Ichi: Drop it.

Rodan: Aww- did I hit a sore spot? Big strong dragon can't stomach being under a little human?

Ichi whips around at him with a snarl on his maw.

Ichi: The fact that you can and willingly do should embarrass you! King Ghidorah does not bow for anyone- much less puny humans!

Rodan throws up a surrender, having clearly pushed Ichi a little too far on the pegging stuff. The 1/3rd Ghidorah grabs his beer from the table, glares at Godzilla, and storms out.

Rodan: Did- did I actually go a little too far there?

Godzilla: Nah, don't worry. He gets cagey like that whenever his ass gets brought into a discussion.

Vivienne: Jeez, is he seriously that insecure about it? Is getting dommed genuinely a hurtful experience for him?

Godzilla: 'Genuinely hurtful'? No, it's not like that- he lets me do it.

Rodan: Jeez of course he does. Just hates humans.

Godzilla: I've heard- whispers- of him exploring himself with others in the past, once I may have even stumbled upon a house party in Rome at the height of the Empire in which he took 6 different gladiators to bed.

Vivienne: Ok putting aside the Roman Empire bit as my brain is not equipped to unpack that information drop right now; you make it sound like he's- scared of intimacy?

Goji leans over his shoulder to check if Ichi was still gone before looking back at the two.

Godzilla: He once let slip during a- shockingly intimate moment we shared long ago that sex with me felt 'too good for him'. Honestly it kinda floored me a bit, I would've never expected a sentiment like that to come from him. In my- shocked state- I made a bad mistake, laughed it off and joked about it. It was an awful thing to do on my part and I couldn't think of anything else but the dumb male mindset of 'get back at my rival at any cost'. I didn't see him for at least a decade afterwards and he gets all shouty if I ever try to bring it up again. So- yeah, I suspect he may be a little frightened of opening up in that way; and when he tried it with me he didn't get good results.

Rodan: Wow.

Mothra: I knew guys could be assholes but jeez, dude.

Goji: Yes, yes- whatever you have to say is probably not worse than what I've said to myself afterwards.

Vivienne: Y'know, I saw the pegging thing as a way to one-up his assholeiness; but now I kinda just feel bad for him.

Mothra: Tell me you at least apologized.

Godzilla: I've tried. He just laughs it off and makes a joke at my expense. Which, honestly; yeah I deserve that.

Godzilla: ...

Godzilla: Oh, also he has two prostates so, like, anal feels like- double good on him. It's bad, pretty sure it's also mind-numbing as he used to just sorta shut off when I got deep enough and he wasn't used to my size yet. Drooling, whining, moaning mess his first few times under me.

Rodan & Mothra & Vivienne: ...

(holy jesus fucking shit this was supposed to be a shitpost about the Ghidorah pegging thing that somehow spiraled out of control into Ghidzilla anal angst??? hello??? i like this too much to delete it and start again so here do what you will with this)

(Y'know... Ichi may have left... but San and Ni are still there.)

Ni: Why not just set up a flashing neon sign of our collective gaping asshole while you're at it?

Rodan: I do notice you two are still here.

San: 'Cause it's illegal to leave your girlfriend's lap while cuddling!

Ni: And it's been long enough that I've more or less gotten over it. No hard feelings... except when your dick is going up my hole, ya fat-knotted bastard.

Vivienne: Well, I don't expect Ichi to come up goading me into proving you right, Rodan. And I certainly don't see myself getting into bed with Ni or San. Especially San.

Maia: Smart woman.

Ni: And why is that again?

Vivienne: Oh, I don't know, remember the time Ichi NEARLY ATE ME?

Ni: ...yeah, that'll do it. Not me though. Did San tell you that he and I wanted to keep you as a pet?

Vivienne, glaring: He mentioned that, yes.

Ni, waggling eyebrows: I expect one of us to wear a collar if you take me for a ride, little lady.

Mothra: In any case, now we know Ichi has his own hangups about intimacy and we shouldn't hold it against him. We're all mates here, some more than others, give or take, and this should be a time of togetherness. Goji, darling, I expect you to be a gentleman should Ichi approach you for a talk, and do try not to give him any lip.

Goji: I know, I know. Sometimes old habits die hard, but I'll do my best to be sweet.

Shimo: *quietly sits in her spot sipping tea*

[gradje]

Is everything just ai slop now? I go on pinterest to look for neat character design inspo its ai slop i go on etsy to look for cross stitch or sewing patterns its ai slop i go on tiktok to kill my time during my commute its automated askreddit ai text to speech slop. I used to be unable to peel myself away from the screen and now I find that instead of addictive, the mainstream platforms on the internet are bordering on becoming unusable. It feels like almost half of what I see are either ads, ai, or engagement farming. The internet was supposed to be WEIRD. Cringe oc’s and shitty flash animation and amvs and fandom drama. Remember when a video going ‘viral’ actually meant something?? Things don’t go viral anymore bc *everything* is viral now. It’s a soulless capitalist content mill based on crypto and ragebait and dropshipping and corporations pretending to be silly goofy just a girl relatable genz shitposters. The monetization of the internet was the beginning of the end. Can’t wait for this shit to get so bad it can’t sustain its own magnitude and implodes in on itself and we all go back to personal webpages with blingees and stuff. There’s probably ppl who can word this better than I can but. Idk. Makes me sad or whatever.

[tobiasdrake]

Let's take this asshole down. Through gambling and... time travel... something. I don't know. I do not understand the plan. Halara's playing this close to their chest.

But I trust Halara and that's good enough. GO TEAM ALARM CLOCK!

...they're excusing themselves from the table. Maybe the draw is the plan? A stall for time?

Whoopsy doodle.

I've always wondered how you're supposed to do that maneuver subtly. It shows up in so many things but it's always so obvious that it's a ruse. But. Is it obvious because I already know it's a ruse? I don't know.

...is... is that the whole plan? Why? Why is that the plan? I am super confused right now. Explain, senpai.

I suppose if we need a weapon you can probably cut him really bad with those glass shards but I don't understand how that helps us right now.

But okay. I'll throw the dice. And he'll throw his loaded dice. And then--

AND THEN THE VENGEFUL SPIRIT OF HIS PAST SINS WILL ENTER THE ROOM.

IT WAS A FUCKING SIGNAL.

^_^ It was a Lucky Day miracle. Gosh, I just feel so blessed. What were the odds that his trick dice would malfunction and that guy that fell from the rooftop would miraculously return to consciousness all at the same time?

What did I tell y'all? My fortune teller was right. It's protective rainclouds and roses ALL. DAY. LONG.

Sorry friend-o but 7 beats 8 and that means I win.

This was a great plan. Halara's the best. I'm glad we got to team up with them after all. Unlike that useless Desuhiko who completely bailed on us before we came into the casino.

Okay I was shitposting but no, Fubuki sincerely doesn't realize what Desuhiko's role in this plan was. XD I generally don't like when the game goes too hard on "LOL Bimbo" for Fubuki but that line was priceless.

Look at her. Poor Fubuki.

Halara's launching straight into the post-case debrief but Fubuki's over there staring into middle distance and questioning reality right now. Anyone could secretly be Desuhiko. How long was the rooftop faller Desuhiko? What if everyone is secretly Desuhiko?

What. If. I'm. Secretly Desuhiko?

That was Lucky Day powers at work! It's like I said. Just because the fortune teller was a paid corporate shill, that doesn't mean the fortune she read can't be real. Fate works in mysterious ways! You don't know!

This is a sweet moment for Halara. We're. Just. Going to ignore that Fubuki had to reload her save a couple of times to make that happen.

It still counts. I think most gamers would agree with that. Maybe not those perma-death tryhards....

WHY ARE YOU TRYING?

I don't think Fubuki would rewind to cheat on purpose in a friendly game with her colleagues. She's not going to go, "Oh, they had a good hand. Well, I'll just hop back in time and fold so I don't lose my chips."

I do, however, think Fubuki would innocently rewind because she shouldn't have given that card away, without even realizing that it's cheating.

Halara, you've created a monster. Still, I suppose maybe I should take back what I said too. Fubuki's got a good grasp of what would be an inappropriate use of her powers in this game. Instead, the real reason Desuhiko can't take her is obvious.

Because it's her motherfucking Lucky Day, y'all!

^_^ This was a good day. I enjoyed this substory quite a bit. Fubuki is, as expected, an utter treat to play as. The rapport between Fubuki and Halara is brilliant, and I want to see the two of them team up more.

100% would play Fubuki and Kurumi team-up spinoff. 100% would play Fubuki and Halara team-up spinoff. Fubuki, Kurumi, and Halara team-up spinoff? Solid motherfucking gold.

With one case where Halara wheels a container into the room as a special weapon to deploy against their adversaries. And when they open it up, Vivia's lying in there, ready to join up with them for this one chapter.

Just one, though. Not because I don't like Vivia. I adore Vivia. But because Vivia's a character who should be used sparingly. His whole vibe is "I will not do anything for 95% of this story. But when I do get up, shit gets real."

This was great. I was so happy.

You can still see Kodaka's disrespect for the character bleeding through. Desuhiko's chapter was all about Desuhiko trying and failing to solve his case, while Halara more or less takes over Fubuki's case for her own good. Fubuki quickly becomes a supporting character in her own plot. That's not great.

But the dynamic between Fubuki and Halara is nonetheless charming enough to carry it. So I had a good time all the same.

[incorrectinfinity]

Ok I need to rant about jjba part 8 because my brother is taking literally forever to finish it and I need to talk about my feelings

Ok. Hi. You have entered here willingly and so now I don't have to apologize. Lmao.

Ok first off Jojolion is not bad. I liked a lot of it quite a bit, actually. Josuk8 is great, I love Yasuho SO much, and Rai is literally my babygirl I love him so much I wish he was introduced sooner DAMMIT!!!!!!!

The romance between Josuk8 and Yasuho is also the most adorable thing I have ever seen. Jjba is a series that rarely ever focuses on romance (well unless you look at it with the perspective of These Bitches Gay but I digress) and that is genuinely one of my favorite parts of the series, the only downside being that a lot of jojos are paired up eventually, and usually to a woman who is barely a character which is really unfortunate. But Josuk8 and Yasuho's relationship is literally my favorite thing about Jojolion.

They are so fucking cute and wholesome and avoid so many pitfalls that usually come with romances. For example when Toru is introduced as Yasuho's ex she clearly talks to Josuk8 about it and how he doesn't have to worry. Josuk8 and Yasuho are never torn apart by Toru because they COMMUNICATE, even if Josuk8 does still act out of jealousy a few times.

The thing that bothers me about this is how their relationship is resolved, mainly due to the worst thing about the part: pacing.

Josuk8 and Yasuho never actually become a fully certified couple by the end of their part. Idk what part 9 may throw in but I personally think this is REALLY disappointing, even if it was just a minor piece of dialog in the lasg chapter or something really I wish their relationship was fully solidified. (Maybe I missed something, I dunno)

Another pacing issue comes with my aforementioned beloved lil shit, Rai.

I love Rai. He literally shows up and serves cunt for like 40 chapters and then he dies an icon and legend for all to aspire to. But the thing about him is that he shows up for 40 chapters in a 110 chapter part. Rai is supposed to be the final member of the Jojolion cast, but he shows up so late that he feels like such a wasted opportunity. Also his death.... very unfortunate. The deaths in part 9 never resonated with me aside from Johnny (because holy fuck) and Jobin (because damn I did not expect him to die). Unfortunately Rai's death is no different. Jojo deaths after part 1 are always fast and unexpected and moved on from quickly because they have to be, but they still get their time to resonate with the audience. Rai's death to me wasn't like that, it felt glossed over. I got the same feeling with Kei too, which just really made me sad. I loved those two and they felt like they were done so dirty because of how fast the plot moves in the last few chapters compared to almost everything else in the part which is so weird.

And aside from the pacing... sigh.

Joshu fucking sucks.

That's all I'm gonna say about him. Well actually I just wanna say that literally the only arc I have ever skipped ever in the entirety of JoJo's Bizarre Adventure was one where the focus was on Joshu and only Joshu. It was also an arc very similar to one done in part 7 and it was done INFINITELY better there because it's part 7.

Anyways I have done so much complaining and I want to do more (like how a lot of the Higashikata family felt wasted, or how Kei deserved more time in the spotlight, or how the Fruit and existence of stone humans confuses the fuck out of me, or how Toru was barely even a character, or-) but I really want to talk about the things I fucking adore about this part. No strings attached, just things I fully loved.

Firstly, the Fun Fun Fun arc is one of my favorite arcs in all of jjba.

It's a fucking INSANE introduction to the part and has a gag so fucking amazing I literally drew a shitpost inspired by it which has never actually been posted to tumblr so uhhh. Enjoy.

Wonderful arc, absolutely horrific and just utterly perfect. I can't believe it took so long for jojo's to take inspiration from Saw.

That's not the only arc I love either! The one where Josuk8 is hunted by people who can only go in straight lines?!?!?!?!?!? WHERE HE LOSES?!?!?!!?!?!? BECAUSE THE STAND USER FORCES HIM TO EITHER GIVE IN OR KILL A FUCKING BABY!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? AND THEN YASUHO SAVED HIS ASS!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!?!? FUCKING PEAK ASS SHIT RIGHT THERE.

And the arc with the ski lift!! Rai you little freak of nature I love you SO MUCH.

HIS INTRODUCTION IS FUCKING PERFECT HE LITERALLY JUST SAYS THIS

AND THEN HE'S FUCKING RIGHT

PEAK CHARACTER. LOVE THIS MAN.

AND THE BEETLES AND THE CAR IN THE TREE (???) AND THE HATO ARC AND THE JOSEPH JUMPSCARE AND LOVE LOVE DELUXE JUST AUAYSHSNZJZK

This part has so much amazing stuff in it I swear!! It's so good!!!!!! And so weird!!!!!!!! And then it just kinda. Joshu.

This part is so upsetting to me because I love it so much, the fact that it is such a mixed bag makes me sad

But it is what it is, and we don't know wher part 9 may lead. Maybe Josuk8 will be like his alternate self and stay in Morioh, or maybe he'll come visit his (half) cousins in Hawaii... who knows.

I have a love/hate relationship with part 8 and I am still really conflicted about it. I do want to read it again though and give it a second chance, skipping the arcs that really dragged it down in the process. Maybe that could improve my future experiences idk.

Anyways, in conclusion: Yoshikage Kira is a bitch in every fucking timeline he literally drove a man insane for no reason what the fuck is wrong with him???????????

ALSO THE MONA LISA JUMPSCARE??

(Apologies for calling Josuke "Josuk8" the whole time it's just so I could avoid confusing myself lmao)

[game-boy-pocket]

I'll always prefer romhacks over fan games made for PC.

They may technically be easier to develop... but with romhacks, the worst you'll encounter is bad level design and unfunny shitpost junk.

But with fan games, you're pretty much guaranteed to encounter that, plus creepy pasta oversaturation, and "Non Standard Mario" style physics where the game almost seems to be fighting against the player, hit boxes make no sense, it looks like Mario World or Sonic 2 but it controls completely different so it fucks with your brain and of course... Sticky Keys, because of course shift is the most used button.

Romhacks will always feel like the game plays the way it's supposed to unless the hacker purposely fucks with that.

[faolanmoon]

Random Short Solomon headcannons

Stfu I know I’m literally posting this the day after his birthday ( which is also my mother’s birthday) but I had more important shit yesterday like my mother’s birthday being the next day.SOME OF THESE ARE CRACK.

He’s probably forgotten to die at least more than once. I just find this to be funny as hell honestly .You can’t convince me that if he physically aged he’d look so old he’d like he forgot he’s passed his life’s expiration date even though he doesn’t have one. Dude just gets in a situation that’s supposed to be fatal is just like “wait I’m supposed to die?”

Is probably the only MF who has tried challenging Leviathan to the Devildom’s equivalent to Smash Bros. before MC that has come close to beating him.Levi almost lost ONCE due to RNG and Solomon spamming, and he refused to play another game with him for a long time because of the spamming.

100% has a stick enchanted with knockback II in Minecraft called the “Yeet Stick” he uses primarily for trolling. Especially on Asmo who doesn’t wear armor, like ever. Levi has kicked him out of the game several times over the Yeet Stick. Only MC is safe from the Yeet Stick because they have “Hide-the-body-anatior ”( basically a netherite sword with all the best enchantments possible) and can one shot his ass without proper armor.(Levi is the same, he just doesn’t have a funny name for his netherite sword like MC does)

He’s the reason why the ice cream machine at McDonald’s is always broke, don’t @ me. He’s so bad at cooking he couldn’t even work at fast food.

Shouldn’t know what Gen Z slang is because of his age, but somehow does. It’s scary because of how he’s able to blend into modern human culture, not as scary as Diavolo trying to be trendy and just being cringe, but it’s still “how do you do fellow kids?”.

Is not allowed within 100ft of Lucifer sometimes because he gets so pissed of at Solomon trying to make a pact with him. Solomon, it’s literally like my dad bringing home the milk, it’s never happening.

Speaking of dads I feel like he’d probably have the worst dad jokes, I would list an example ,but not even I would get it.

Would be the type of mf to shitpost on the main account. Idk how ppl on Instagram shitpost , I grew up on the SparkleCat and Sparkledog days of DeviantArt, you think I use Instagram? I just know it’s what Devilgram is based off of.

Speaking of one of the social media platforms I know more about, whatever the Devildom’s equivalent of Tumblr is, he Levi and MC 100% have one. Solomon only has an account for chaos and some of the shitpost this beautiful Superhell( complementary) has meanwhile Levi is here for fandom stuff and is 100% a Tumbler Vet, Mc has an account for both reasons.

Solomon is also the only person besides Levi and MC who would know wtf Discord is and would have one. Remember the time before Rhythm bots 1 and 2 shut down in 2021? Yeah he’d 100% be trolling in VCs with those bots. (Also before someone in 2023 tries to be a smart ass check the date before you “Well actually the Rhythm bots are back as if 2023 🤓” because it’s not 2023 as I write and publish now is it?) The very last thing he ever had a Rhythm bot play was The Sound of Silence ( or more commonly “Hello Darkness My old Friend) on that famous day in September 2021 when the bots shut down. After the bots shut down he’d instead troll with Discord voice mods. Besides trolling, Solomon would be a massive shitposter when a hard drive of memes that are no where near as many as Levi has.

When no one else is around ( especially Luke) Barbatos goes full Gordon Ramsay on him.

Beel can be heard weeping whenever he smells Solomon’s cooking.

Him and Mc are the only humans who don’t fear God nor death. Not even 13 can make them fear death.

Mammon, Luke , Simeon, Raphael and 13 get trolled the most by him.

Do not let him or anyone in general discover MC’s fan base, fanfics about MC, or any ships involving MC. He’d be the one most chaotic fans MC has the moment he does. Would be the type to make shitposts out of MC ships and use it to fuck with Mammon and Levi who totally wouldn’t already have started shipping wars.

And on fucking with Mammon he’s 100% been robbed by him and would use magic to fuck with Mammon since he’s why we can’t have shit in the Devildom or Detroit.

Solomon and MC are both Asmo’s feral gremlins that should be feared, Solomon is just less bloodthirsty than MC.

None of the Henrys trust him, not even 2.0. Henry 1.0 would kill him without hesitation while Henry 2.0 flares his gills up when he sees him.