#it's super fun scrolling through everyone's answers though :D

[youling-the-ghost]

ok so idk if y'all know this but. uquiz creators can see how long it takes for you to answer a question and uhm

(this is from my TUA quiz btw)

I'm sorry anon...?

[harleysarchive]

Among You and Me - Corpse Husband x reader oneshot

Fandom: Corpse Husband, youtubers Warning: Swearing, me being in a good mood when I wrote it so a happy, positive reader, alcohol, hangovers, comfidence boost Pairing: Corspe x reader Summary: You got some extra confidence after having a couple of drinks and write a message to Corpse during his live stream, he answeres you messages and everything continues from there.

Next >

A/N: I was in a super good mood when I started to write this and it shows, I’m sorry if it’s annoying and I don’t know if it’s shit but yeaah. Enjoy! :D

You were watching Corpse Husbands stream among us and was just having a good time. You had had a couple of drinks before the stream so you were in such a great mood. You melted every time he laughed because he couldn’t do the card swipe and just thought of how adorable he was. In your intoxicated mindset you got a confidence boost and opened the stream chat and also instagram. In the stream chat you donated 10$ and wrote “you are the most adorable person on this planet and you deserve the world! Thank you for exciting, love y/n” and hit enter, and also doing the same on Instagram on private messages.

He won’t see that, you thought to yourself and turned on some music to match your good mood and after a while forgetting about your stream that was on. Some days life is just great!

You had fallen asleep and woke up with a hangover, all the positive feelings you had yesterday were gone and now you just wanted to stay in bed all there with some aspirins. Looking at your phone seeing that nothing interesting had happened. You were scrolling through your feed on instagram and saw that you had an unanswered message. You opened it and saw that it was from Corpse.

You flew up in your bed and were staring at your phone.

I can’t believe he answered me, you said. Your hands were shaking and you were too nervous to open the message. Maybe he was annoyed with you for messaging him. Nooo he seems like a nice guy so I don’t think he is.

You opened the message and it read:

“Thank you for your kind words! I saw your donation and the message, means a lot 🖤”

You buried your face into the pillow and screamed for all that you were worth. He answered. You also felt ridiculous for reacting like this but there is no hindering the fangirl when she is out.

Your fingers were shaking but you wanted to reply so badly.

“Thank you! I can’t believe that you actually answered or noticed my message, it made my day honestly. Can’t wait for more content from you!” You hit send and left the bed. You had things to do today and if you were home you were only going to look at your phone all day to see if he would answer you. So to not get tempted you left your phone at home.

You came back to your apartment in the afternoon and we’re dying to check your messages. So you unlocked your phone and went straight to messages. Nothing. You felt a pang of disappointment but you tried to not dwell on it. He had probably many girls messaging him how much they love him and so on. You went to the kitchen and started to cook some dinner. But when you were preparing some vegetables you got a ding from your phone. You went over and saw that you had a message on Instagram. From Corpse. Your heart first stopped and then sped up like crazy. He answered you again! Wtf?!

“That's so kind of you to say, thank you! There will be a new stream tomorrow :)”

“Omg I’m gonna die” you said. Well if you died now you would be okay with it because you had been noticed by Corpse not once but twice.

“Yay can’t wait! I will be glued to the screen!” You answered and immediately felt embarrassed by your response.

Two days later you were waiting for the stream to begin. You had bought some of your favorite ice-cream in honor for tonight. The stream started and you heard Corpse say multiple times that he was super nervous and a shitty impostor. You felt your heart melt for him, he is so sweet and precious. You donated money to him and wrote “you don’t have to be nervous, you are doing great! It’s super entertaining! Love y/n” and hit send. You saw your donation in the chat.

“”you don’t have to be nervous, you are doing great! It’s super entertaining! Love (y/n)” thank you (y/n), that means a lot to hear right now. And I remember your picture from Instagram. Nice to see that you are watching the stream.”

The ice-cream you were about to eat dropped to the floor and you just sat there with an open mouth. He remembered your picture. HE FUCKING REMEMBERED YOUR PICTURE!

The rest of the stream was a fog in your memory because you were still stuck on the moment that he remembered you from your profile picture. Nothing could top that. Nothing. When the stream ended you turned of your computer and were of to bed. But there was no way in hell that you were going to fall alseep after something like that. Your phone lit up again and you saw that you had a new message from instagram. You opened up the app and it was from Corpse!

“I hope you liked the stream today :)” he wrote and again your heart raced like crazy. 

“I did it was super entertaining to watch! I think you are an incredible impostor.” you hit send. Not long after you got a reply.

“Thanks, I am very nervous during the streams and I hope that is not annoying or it bothering those who are watching it.”

“Not at all, well at least for me. I think it makes you more genuine when you confess that you can get nervous even though you are a big youtuber 😊”

 “Well I’m not a big youtuber... but it’s nice to read all your kind words in the chat. It makes me happy.”

“I’m glad that we can help you feel better, and I mean every word I’m sending you.”

You saw that he started to reply, but you had to go to sleep so you turn off the phone and closed your eyes. Surprisingly enough you fell asleep quite quickly, and woke up by the sun hitting your face. Fall has jsut begun and the leaves were turning every beautiful colour of red, yellow and orange. When you brain had woken up more you remembered that Corpse had started to reply to your message. You quickly grabbed your phone and went on instagram. A new message, 8 hours ago. 

Shit, you thought and opened it. It was just a smiley face and nothing else. A little disappointed but then you saw the conversation that the two of you had had. You actually talked to him and he had replied instantly. Your brain must’ve given you some weird confidence and stable fingers at that moment. You didn’t really know what to reply so you just let it be and you didn’t want to annoy him with spamming his dm’s either - but you really, really wanted to.

Corpse POV.

Another day and another sleepless night. That is just my life right now. But the streams helped them make it a little less agonizing. Especially the nice comments I get from everyone and the conversation I had with one of the fans. What was her name again? (Y/N). Right. I wonder if she has answered my message.

I opened up instagram and opened our conversation. Read but no answer. To be fair I only sent a smiley to her. But... Why am I feeling so anxious that she left me on read?

“Yooo, care to hang out today?” Dave sent a message. I answered with a sure and locked my phone and waited for Dave to arrive to my house. But my mind kept on going back to why she didn’t answer me back. Well I know why, but I didn’t like that the conversation were over so quick. 

Dave entered my house and we hung out for a while but he could sense that something was bothering me.

“Hey man, you okay?”

I snapped out of my thought and looked at him. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Except from the usual shit.”

“You sure? You seem a little... lost in thoughts perhaps? Is something bothering you?”

I took a deep breath and shook my head.

“Not even the kind girl from your streams?” he asked with a knowing smirk on his face. I lost all the colour on my face. HOW DID HE KNOW?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about?”

“Not even that you recognized her picture from instagram? Like that you haven’t talked to her there?”

Fuck...

“Who is she?”

“A fan that contacted me and were very kind with her words. And I replied to her and after that we have been messaging each other here and there... but she left me on read last night so I guess that’s over...”

“What did you say to her?”

“I sent a smiley because I was too nervous to say anything else.”

Dave made the biggest and loudest face palm. It must’ve hurt his head. 

“You idiot... You can’t expect a reply if you only send her a smiley...”

“I know, but I got nervous.”

“Are you following her?”

“No... Not yet at least.” I said and took up my phone again and went on her profile. It was private. Of course. I hoovered over the follow button but I didn’t dare to press it. Dave gave me a thumbs up and I pressed the follow button. 

Your POV.

You were watching a Among Us highlight video on youtube when your instagram told you that you had a notification. You opened it and saw that Corpse had requested an invite to follow your profile. CORPSE WANTED TO FOLLOW YOU. Holyshitholyshitholyshit. What is even happening?! Of course you accepted it and you started to type a message to him. 

“Welcome to my little boring world. Hope you like what you see 😅”

You could see him typing something.

“I very much do ;)”

A/N: I really enjoyed writing this and I couldn’t stop. It was difficult to get started but after that it was fun :D 

TAGS:

@fanworrior @wibblytimey

[dourpeep]

i have even more ideas now...

what about like the moment you open up about your relationship with kazuxiao the fans who were already seeing that happen were celebrating and on both of y'alls insta or something is where you announce and it's like a picture of all 3 of you chilling together or something

and then when they finally appear on a variety show they're just questioned throughly and they talk about how you guys meet and what they like about you

ok but the moments where you just feel sort of insecure since being an idol is hard and you're technically dating your seniors and you're just hit by the antis who are against yourself relationship so you lock yourself in your room in your dorm by yourself to cope. your roommate (can be whoever) contacts them both and they immediately come over and come in and offer soft kisses and soft murmurs of reassurance that they'll never leave you and that everything's gonna be ok.

side note i can see xiao just being a whole meme without realizing?? for like variety shows he's just known for his dead pan expression and then i can see him being so competitive on shows like running man..mans ripping tags left and right, while kazuhas just hiding in a weird spot or something

kazuha on the other hand i can see him being a troll, he likes to mess around with the hosts of the show and manages to mess up some of their plans, he also likes messing with his group members, where xiao likes to say that kazuha looks innocent but is a part of the devil line with venti

onto albedo i can see him like answering questions in his vlive and fans realize that a lot of his songs are more romantic and sort of pining?? and they're asking where the motivation is from. he answers that it's just something that he saw recently so he felt motivated (it wasn't the fact that he had realized that he was 100% in love with you)

but like all of this mans inspiration comes from you, he's had multiple songs dedicated to you before your relationship was even open to the public, and when your relationship finally does, it just clicks for fans and it suddenly makes sense, your ship name trends worldwide for the day

but how you and albedo met, i can see both of you guys being in the industry already and you guys are sort of know each other but it was for a one time off collab with other artists involved so you didn't really talk with each other. like i said before albedos a solo artist while i can see you being a part of a popular group already. but then both of your companies decided to do another collab and especially picked you two since you guys already worked on a collab before.

at first it was like awkward since albedos really socially awkward but then things click when you guys start writing the song together. everything just matches so well?? and you guys just compliment each other?? and that's when you learn of albedo just staying at the studio so late so you often bring food. this leads to you guys getting closer and albedo even stops his work just to talk to you more. when your song comes out and everyone is waiting for the stage, there's just so much tension?? but the good kinda and everyone is awed by the song and the vocals coming from you and albedo.

i can also see the both of you guys appearing on variety shows together too, like appearing on a show where you two travel to another place and experience the culture there, with albedo being your tour guide and showing you all the famous places (one of the many times where fans were awed by his research and knowledge) and then if you guys were to appear together again after you guys reveal your relationship, a lot of the times they show idols as they wake up, they'll see you and albedo being clingy af to each other.

on another side note, albedos totally a troll on variety shows, he likes messing around with the hosts and other contestants since a lot of the time he's not really interested in the show itself, it's more for publicity. however, when he first appeared on a show with you fans noticed that he actually seemed interested for once and that's where your ship name started.

albedos totally a golden child tho, he's like basically perfect in everything so a lot of the times variety shows don't catch him slipping, however the one time that he did was when you were mentioned, the clip of with his ears bright red was trending for a couple of days :)

GIVING ME SO MUCH GOOD FOOD THANK YOU ANON

I think that this covers everything hehehe so I won't add to-

wait wait I put it all under the cut b/c it's a lot again-

Okay okay but like for the 'announcement' picture, what if it's like those photo booth pics (but like each picture you need to scroll through like on Insta) where it's cute and wholesome! The three of you are having fun wearing some silly glasses or hats, doing peace signs or finger hearts....and the very last photo is the three of you sharing a kiss- or, at least trying to.

It's sweet, a little silly, and most of your fans take it really well! After all, they can see the chemistry that you share and can't deny that the three of you would have a good relationship.

As for the insecurities of dating your seniors, Kazuha and Xiao are quick to knock back any of those worries. They love you so, so much and hate the fact that something like that makes you doubt for a single second. If anyone ever tries to bring it up, you know that they're going to immediately quip back.

Naturally, you're roomed with Venven :D He's technically an up-and-coming after he stopped doing idol stuff for a few years, so not only does he know the ropes, but he's also one of your biggest fans and biggest supports (outside of Kazuha and Xiao).

Though he's silly and light-hearted, he's quick to recognize when things are serious and need handling.

So as soon as he sees that you're not doing so great or if he notices the comments on your posts are going in a bad direction, he speed dials Xiao and the two of your boyfriends are right at the door in under 15.

Not only are they fast about it, but they have all your favorite snacks, a movie or two, some popcorn, and a ton of love and affection because they'll be damned if their love is going to be affected by some asshole's comments about their love life! What do they know anyway??

Actually this all could work too if Kazuha and Xiao are part of 4NEMO-

Hmmm

That'd cause so much more ruckus- not only is half of one of the most popular idol groups are taken, but by the same person??? And each other??? Man, that's wack.

BUT THE GAMESHOWS

Xiao would most certainly be super intense with those. He just can't help it--competition drives his blood and makes something snap in him. He's dead serious about doing well, regardless of the game. I actually have never watched said game shows, but--

Like...he's out for blood. No one is safe. Not even you or Kazuha if you're on opposing teams, though he'll be a bit more gentle. Maybe even with the hint of a smile while you have an expression of utter shock at the fact that he's just so fast-

Or if it's not a game show and instead you're doing some sort of idol group activity with a few others to get to know each other?

Someone suggests ping pong and, knowing how competitive Xiao gets, he's pitted up against Tartaglia and man. That's scary. There's no doubt that someone would clip the video and make it into an overly-dramatic retelling complete with music.

Hilarious.

As for Kazuha! He'd be a bit of a mish mosh! He enjoys poking fun at others, and he's so sly! Those poor hosts don't realize that he's goading them on, but sure enough--he is. Who knew that his charming smile and mild-mannered attitude could be so devastating?

But even then, he's mostly wholesome! There's a lot of little clips, mostly of your doing, of him in a 'kiss the chef' apron getting caught off guard while cooking something up. The videos aren't great because you're giggling while recording and he ends up placing the ladle down calmly before wrapping you up in his arms. Half the video ends up being the two of you laughing and joking while it's pointed at a weird angle towards the counter.

Sometimes it'll point just right and you'll get a half-blurred view of Xiao sitting at the kitchen island with his reading glasses perched on his nose and book forgotten. He tends to get up and join in for a few smooches before reminding Kazuha of the food that's still cooking.

--

Albedo!! He absolutely is the golden child. He's fantastic handling things under pressure in a cool, calm manner. Handsome, charismatic, incredibly smart--man's hit all the stops and just keeps going.

It's not until it comes out that the two of you are together that his cool façade (hardly one, though) falters and at the mere mention of you, he'll go soft. There's a tenderness in his eyes, a small smile on his lips, and his blush? Absolutely adorable. How can anyone object when he's obviously so in love with you?

And the idea you mentioned with the two of you traveling and experiencing stuff together sounds so cute (':

He particularly enjoys exploring new cuisine, so expect him to feed you some food from his plate-

There's also a few times where you two have gotten lost in the new places, more because you're both so busy taking in the sights to realize you've taken five wrong turns- But then you make it into a whole adventure, foregoing the map and deciding to wander around. What better way to discover and learn about somewhere than getting lost and wandering?

You find quite a few hidden gems this way since otherwise you'd be hitting more popular areas!

Wait- do they really show idols waking up???

Ahh regardless, Albedo's definitely a cuddler. He loves it, can't get enough of it. It's not often that he gets a good night's rest, but with you it seems like he's fully recharged and ready for the day! It's cute too because it doesn't matter--big spoon or little spoon, you on his chest or him resting on yours. Even a few times with you facing each other with your hands intertwined.

I also agree that Albedo would mess with the game show's hosts and contestants. Not only would he, but he'd be entirely smug about it (after all, we need to have that #smugbedo going on).

No doubt, there's been times where the cameras even focus/zoom in on him where he's sitting because he's got that smirk on his face.

[corysmiles]

Ok so I was reading your little streamer au story Just a Joke and that part about the matchbox bed had me thinking, what if Tommy did a stream where he just showed off his house? Like, just walked the camera from room to room and talked about different stuff he had for fun. (Probably not his whole house, just his bedroom and maybe one other him sized room if he has it)

He would probably see nothing wrong with most of it (or even if he does, he doesn’t think it’s a big deal and ignores it, thinking everyone else will do the same) but his friends see how poorly made and “diy” everything looks (like his bed) and start thinking about how all tinys have to live like that.

I imagine Wilber especially starts to feel bad, looking around his house and seeing all the stuff he takes for granted, all things that tinys could only get a poorer version of, if they got a version at all.

Not to mention, Tommy seems to be a bit better off then a lot of tinys, so some don’t even have the stuff he does, and/or have ones of even lesser quality.

Maybe it’s just a one off little “oh...that sucks...” or maybe they try to do something about it. Idk, just think it’s a cute and sad idea. (I have more to say about this idea, but I don’t want bombard you with a super duper long ask, so just take these basics for now I guess, sorry)

-tired anon

House Tour

————————

Little Streamer AU

CW: language

Notes: Woah little streamer content?? In this economy??? More likely than you think. And thank you so much for this awesome idea tired anon I love it :D Without further ado have a fun tiny Tommy housetour followed by Wilbur’s confusion over tiny culture

————————

Tommy hadn’t been this excited for a stream in a long time, but as he set up everything he was practically bouncing on his feet.

He was going to do a house tour- or a room tour- for the chat since they’d only ever seen a bit of it in the background. It was a lot different from his normal content, but it felt refreshing doing something so new.

When he finally stepped back and looked at everything a grin spread across his face. He didn’t think his room had looked this nice since the day they built it. His red sheets were perfectly tucked into his matchbox bed, his dollhouse desk was wiped down and shiny, and even his scrap-fabric rug was dusted.

Pride swelled up in his chest at the sight.

“Mom!” he yelled as he peaked his head through the “window” in his room. It really was just a hole in the wall to the human part of the house, but it also let light in to his room. “I’m gonna be streaming soon!”

He didn’t even wait for an answer before he happily popped back into his small room. It was still a little dusty since it was inside of a wall, but there was nothing he could really do about that. The viewers would just have to deal with it, he mused.

Quickly he sent out a tweet for his stream and hit “go live” on his pc. Almost immediately people flooded the chat even though it was still just his starting soon screen, and one name in particular caught his eye.

WilburSoot: this is not exciting

Tommy grinned and stifled the laugh that threatened to burst out of his chest. Of course Wilbur was messing with him, who would he be if he wasn’t messing with the tiny. And even though it was just one message Tommy was excited to know he was there.

Wilbur had actually been the one to convince him to do a house tour. Tommy never really thought his room was much, it was decently sized but not very exciting, but still Wilbur thought it would be a fun idea for an easy stream. The tiny still has been pretty iffy about the idea but after constant nagging from his brother-figure he gave in.

“Hello chat!” Tommy yelled as he switched his screen to his camera. Dramatically he swung it around to zoom in on his face.

“How are you doing today? I’m doing so well,” he grinned, “Today’s gonna be a little different actually- spicing things up Yaknow. You get to see my big man home!”

The chat blurred in the corner of his eye as he explained what the stream would be, and chugged a cup of coke he’d poured right before he started. It was all going well, and they seemed to like it a lot more than he thought they would.

First Tommy stood up from his desk and pointed it at his setup, “See this is where the magic happens boys.”

He laughed as the chat flew by even faster with one message catching his eye.

“Hey it is not a Polly pocket desk it is a Barbie Ken desk,” he pouted, “please I’m better than that.”

Step by step he moved across his room explaining his furniture and showing off his favorite things. They got to see his cardboard bed, his “borrower hook” he’d been trying to teach himself how to use, and even his “spider hole” in the wall where bugs got into his room.

Most of the time the chat seemed to find it funny, but every once in a while people seemed concerned. He just chalked it up to humans though.

At the end of the stream he put the camera on his desk and jumped up on his bed to say goodbye. To make it even funnier he loaded the tiny nerf gun Wilbur had bought him a while back and tried to shoot the camera.

“I’m gonna shoot you if you don’t leave, go!” he yelled jokingly, “Disparse! Leave! Go home!”

Once the chat seemed to calm down a bit he said his actual goodbyes and teaches as the screen turned dark. Just like always he let out a breath of relief that the stream went well. He enjoyed streaming, but it was still stressful trying to make sure everything went right.

After a minute he fell back onto his bed and scrolled through his phone until discord dm flashed on his screen.

WilburSoot: how did you get a whole fake room for a stream??

Tommy frowned and quickly opened the app staring at the message.

Tommyinnit: what? vc?

The tiny sat back against his bed and waited for his friend to respond as anxiety curled up in his gut.

“Tommy?” Wilbur’s voice crackled.

“Hey Wil, what the fuck do you mean?”

Through his phone he could hear Wilbur shifting around as he stumbled on what to say, “That room.”

Tommy frowned and tilted his head even though he knew the human couldn’t see it, “What about it?”

“What- that can’t be your room, right?” Wilbur’s laugh boomed, “It was a good joke though.”

“Wait wait Wil,” Tommy fumbled, “What the fuck do you mean? This is my room.”

The silence that filled the call almost made Tommy wish he hadn’t said anything at all.

“Huh?”

“Uh yeah,” Tommy coughed, “That really was my room, what’s wrong?”

Wilbur’s staticky hum echoed through his phone, “Oh uh… I don’t know I thought you’d have like…actual furniture?”

“I mean, it works doesn’t it,” Tommy frowned as he leaned back against his sheets, kicking up his feet on the edge of the box, “It’s not that bad.”

“Tommy,” Wilbur paused, “you sleep in a box.”

The tiny froze and stared at the worm edges of the matchbox he slept in. He never really thought about it. It was pretty normal for tinies considering how expensive real furniture was, and he was probably better off than a lot of other tinies.

“Uh well yeah big man,” Tommy stuttered, “I’m a tiny.”

“Well no shit I know that but shouldn’t you have like an actual bed? You have a real pc!” Wilbur said, getting louder by the second.

“Well yeah,” Tommy muttered, “But spending over a thousand pounds on a bed frame just doesn’t seem worth it to me okay?”

Again silence filled the call, and it lasted so long tommy thought the human had left.

Wilbur was the one to break the silence, “One thousand pounds?”

“For a shitty one yeah,” Tommy frowned. He still remembered the day his parents had searched endlessly for any bed frames only to find that they were all thousands of pounds. They had seemed so upset about it, but Tommy never really cared.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Wilbur dropped, “I shouldn’t have said anything I didn’t know.”

“It’s alright,” Tommy smiled, I’m the corner of his eye he saw one of the hoodies he’d bought during his last visit with Wilbur, “But my spider hole is very real and very important to me.”

Wilbur’s loud laugh burst through the phone making the tiny’s heart swell. He missed the human more than he’d admit, and it was always nice hearing his friend’s voice- even if he was just joking about his spider hole.

“Yeah yeah, your spider holes fine. Very normal,” Wilbur joked before his voice steadied, “Seriously though, sorry about thinking it was a joke. I just- I don’t know. I feel like maybe I’ve taken my things for granted. I didn’t mean to seem rude though I-

“Nah stop,” Tommy smiled, “Your house is shit man, I’ve been there.”

The tiny stared at Wilbur’s profile picture as his wheezy laugh filled the room.

“Yeah yeah whatever,” and then an added, “love you Tom.”

Before Tommy could respond he heard the ding signalling Wilbur had left the call. The silence in his room now only filled by the sound of his parents shuffling around somewhere else in the house.

“Yeah,” Tommy hummed, “Love you too Wil.”

Taglist:

@encaos @blurrybunnie @brooky71 @forgetful-dorito

[ouyangzizhensdad]

I just saw a post saying nhs has an inferiority complex and I'm?? Confused?? I always thought he was fine with being weaker in terms of cultivation, maybe I missed something

Hi anon,

I have to say, I struggle as well to figure out where people are getting this from the text. I think, oftentimes, people don't actually pay attention to what the text provides us in terms of characterisation as a whole, but take elements of what makes the character or which happens to them and simply extrapolate how they themselves would feel in that situation as a means of understanding the character. I can easily imagine how a reader would think: wow, if I had low cultivation in a world that values it (and within a clan that values strength even more so!) and a brother who was not only super strong and admired but who wanted me to fit into that role, and then found myself having to fill his shoes after his sudden death, I'd feel some sort of inferiority complex. I think that's the same reason you see so much people insisting WWX has self-esteem issues.

The thing about NHS is that, as a youth, we never saw him value high cultivation or "academic" achievements (not sure how to otherwise call his time at CR but there is probably a better word for it) or brute strength. He's afraid of consequences from his brother for failing at the CR, as we see here:

Although the brothers were not born from the same mother, their relationship was quite solid. Nie Mingjue had always taught his younger brother with extreme harshness, particularly caring for his studies. This was why, even though Nie Huaisang respected his older brother, he was the most scared of Nie Mingjue mentioning his schoolwork.

and here:

Although he didn’t understand a single bit as he listened in class, Nie Huaisang worked as hard as a slave when the date of the test approached. He copied Virtue two times for Wei Wuxian, and begged before the test, “Please, Wei-xiong, if my grade is lower than yi, my brother would really break my legs! Stuff like telling apart direct lineage, collateral lineage, main clan, clan branches… For us disciples from big clans, we can’t even distinguish our relationships with our own relatives, randomly calling everyone who are more than two tiers away from us aunts and uncles. Does anyone have enough capacity in their brain to remember those of other clans?!”

After thinking for a few moments, an expression of envy and yearning appeared on Nie Huaisang’s face, “To be honest, Wei-xiong’s words were quite interesting. Spiritual energy can only be obtained through cultivation and taking great pains to form a golden core (金丹). It would take I-don’t-know-how-many years to do, especially for someone like me, whose talent seems as if it was gnawed by a dog when I was in my mother’s womb. But, resentful energy are from the fierce ghosts. If they can easily be taken and used, it would be beyond wonderful.”

[...] . If disciple from a prominent clan forms the core at a later age, it would be a disgrace to tell other people of it, yet Nie Huaisang didn’t feel ashamed at all. Wei Wuxian also laughed, “I know, right? No harm comes from using it.”

The only moment that I can find that could tangentially be used to suggest that NHS has an inferiority complex could be this one, where NHS wants to avoid LXC's questioning about how his studies are going (and WWX picking up on his cues like a good friend to redirect the conversation). However, when you consider the whole context of the scene, it’s not because NHS feels self-conscious but because he’s afraid LXC is going to report to his brother that he’s not working hard at his studies:

Lan Xichen turned to him, “Huaisang, a while ago, as I returned from Qinghe, your brother asked of your studies. How is it? This year, will you be able to pass?”

Nie Huaisang replied, “Generally speaking, yes…” He seemed like a wilted cucumber, looking at Wei Wuxian in a helpless way. Wei Wuxian grinned, “Zewu-Jun, what are you two going out for?”

[...] Nie Huaisang also wanted to join in, but he had been reminded of his older brother as he met Lan Xichen. Cringing silently, he didn’t dare to have fun, “I’ll pass and go back so that I can review…” With this act, he hoped that Lan Xichen would put in some good words for him to his brother.

NHS seems very industrious at finding ways not to have to do anything that relates to cultivation or to leading a sect, and that is linked once more to the fact that he does not want to do these things (so not a case where we could say he’s self-sabotaging because he fears failure):

Lan Xichen took Nie Huaisang’s saber into his qiankun sleeve, “Huaisang has been using the excuse that he left his saber at home. Now he will have no excuses for lazing around.”

or here

“Nie Huaisang!”

Nie Huaisang fell at once.

He really did fall to his knees from the terror. He only staggered up after he finished kneeling, “D-d-d-da-ge.”

Nie Mingjue, “Where is your saber?”

Nie Huaisang cowered, “In… in my room. No, in the school grounds. No, let me… think…”

Wei Wuxian could feel that Nie Mingjue almost wanted to hack him dead right there, “You bring a dozen fans with you wherever you go, yet you don’t even know where your own saber is?!”

Nie Huaisang hurried, “I’ll go find it right now!”

[...]

In a hurry, Nie Huaisang dropped a few fans on the ground. Jin Guangyao picked them up for him and put them into his arms, “Huaisang’s hobbies are quite elegant. He’s dedicated to art and calligraphy, and has no propensity for mischief. How can you say that they’re useless?”

Nie Huaisang nodded as fast as he could, “Yes, Brother is right!”

Nie Mingjue, “But sect leaders have no need for such things.”

Nie Huaisang, “I’m not going to be a sect leader, though. You can be it, Da-ge. I’m not doing it!”

or here

Nie Mingjue was on the school ground, teaching and supervising Nie Huaisang’s saberwork in person. He did not acknowledge Jin Guangyao, so he stood at the edge of the field, waiting with respect. Since Nie Huaisang was quite uninterested and the sun was bright, he was rather half-hearted, complaining that he was tired after just a few moves. He beamed as he got ready to go to Jin Guangyao and see what presents he brought this time. In the past, Nie Mingjue would only frown at such things, but today he was angered, “Nie Huaisang, do you want this strike to land on your head?! Get back here!”

If only Nie Huaisang were like Wei Wuxian and could feel how great Nie Mingjue’s rage was, he wouldn’t grin in such a bold way. He protested, “Da-ge, the time is up. It’s time to rest!”

Nie Mingjue, “You rested just thirty minutes ago. Keep on going, until you learn it.”

Nie Huaisang was still giddy, “I won’t be able to learn it anyways. I’m done for the day!”

He often said this, but today Nie Mingjue’s reaction was entirely different from his past reaction. He shouted, “A pig would’ve learnt this by now, so why haven’t you?!”

Never expecting Nie Mingjue to burst out so suddenly, Nie Huaisang’s face was blank with shock as he shrunk toward Jin Guangyao. Seeing the two together, Nie Mingjue was even more provoked, “It’s been one year already and you still haven’t learnt this one set of saber techniques. You stand on the field for just thirty minutes and you’re complaining that you’re tired. You don’t have to excel, but you can’t even protect yourself! How did the QingheNie Sect produce such a good-for-nothing! The both of you should be tied up and beaten once every day. Carry out all those things in his room!”

The last sentence was spoken to the disciples standing by the side of the field. Seeing that they had gone, Nie Huaisang felt as though he was on pins and needles. A moment later, the row of disciples really did bring out all the fans, paintings, porcelain from his room. Nie Mingjue had always threatened to burn his room, but he had never actually burned them. This time, though, he was serious. Nie Huaisang panicked. He threw himself over, “Da-ge! You can’t burn them!”

Noticing that the situation wasn’t good, Jin Guangyao also spoke, “Da-ge, don’t act on impulse.”

Yet, Nie Mingjue’s saber had already striked. All of the delicate objects piled at the center of the field erupted in roaring flames. Nie Huaisang wailed and plunged into the fire to save them. Jin Guangyao hurried to pull him back, “Huaisang, be careful!”

With a sweep of Nie Mingjue’s hand, the two blanc de chine antiques shattered into pieces in his palms. The scrolls and paintings had already turned into dust in a split second. Nie Huaisang could only watch blankly as the much loved items that he had gathered throughout the years vanish into ashes. Jin Guangyao grabbed his hands to examine them, “Are they burnt?”

He turned to a few disciples, “Please prepare some medicine first.”

The disciples answered and left. Nie Huaisang stood at the same place, his entire body trembling as he looked over at Nie Mingjue, pupil encircled by veins. Seeing that his expression wasn’t right, Jin Guangyao put his arm around his shoulders and whispered, “Huaisang, how are you feeling? Stop watching. Go back to your room and have some rest.”

Nie Huaisang’s eyes brimmed red. He didn’t even make a sound. Jin Guangyao added, “It’s alright even if the things are gone. Next time I can find you more…”

Nie Mingjue interrupted, his words like ice, “I’ll burn them each time he brings them back into this sect.”

Anger and hatred suddenly flashed across Nie Huaisang’s face. He threw his saber onto the ground and yelled, “Then burn them!!!”

Jin Guangyao quickly stopped him, “Huaisang! Your brother is still angry. Don’t…”

Nie Huaisang roared at Nie Mingjue, “Saber, saber, saber! Who the fuck wants to practice the damn thing?! So what if I want to be a good-for-nothing?! Whoever that wants to can be the sect leader! I can’t learn it means I can’t learn it and I don’t like it means I don’t like it! What’s the use of forcing me?!”

I'm not saying he didn't have a hard time during the first moment of him taking over a leadership role in the sect after the sudden death of his brother (ultimately we can wonder whether the yiwensanbuzhi persona originated then, as he could have felt overwhelmed and actually didn't have the answers needed for the position he didn't prepare for--or whether it was always a pure fabrication to serve his goals), but I don't think we can chalk it up to an inferiority complex.

In the past, Wei Wuxian and Nie Huaisang studied together, so there were a few things he could comment about this person. Nie Huaisang wasn’t an unkind person. It wasn’t that he was not clever, but that his heart was set somewhere else and used his smarts on other areas, such as painting on fans, searching for birds, skipping classes, and catching fish. Because his talent in terms of cultivation really was poor, he formed his core around eight or nine years later than the other disciples of the same generation as him. When he lived, Nie Mingjue was often exasperated by the fact that his brother didn’t meet his expectations, so he disciplined him strictly. Despite this, he still didn’t improve much. Now, without his older brother protecting and supervising him, under his lead, the QingheNie Sect declined day by day. After he grew up, especially after he became the sect leader, he was often troubled by all kinds of affairs unfamiliar to him and looked for helpers everywhere, mainly his brother’s two sworn brothers. One day he’d go to Jinling Tower to complain to Jin Guangyao, and the next day he’d go to the Cloud Recesses to whine to Lan Xichen. With the two leaders of the Jin and Lan Sects supporting him, he still barely managed to settle on the sect leader position. Nowadays, whenever people mentioned Nie Huaisang, although they didn’t say anything on the surface, the same phrase was written on their faces—good-for-nothing.

And after NHS pieced together what happened to his brother and set out on a path to revenge, I don't see how someone who is so sharp and deceptive and able to reach his goals while hiding behind a facade the entire time would feel "inferior".

[lovee-infected]

For the anon talking about how they hate how over exaggerated a character is. I am not trying to start hate or anything, but if you don't like the way how someone portrays the character, just stop reading it. Some people don't delve deep, they just want to write fanfics for fun they're not going to make sure it's 100% the characters VERY complex personalities. Or the way how they view a character is different from their beliefs. I've gotten this message before and I am TIRED of it

I think it's a good time to talk about this because I've been thinking about bringing the topic up for a while. To begin with, let's clear something between the two anons because I think it's a misunderstanding:

Note: Please read this, this is important.

Anon A is saying that they're sometimes bothered by how some fanfics and Aus have a different way of picturing character X, in other words, they don't really enjoy it when a character is bring mischaracterized

Anon B (this anon) is saying that if you're bothered by a fic because you don't like how they're characterizing an specific character, then you don't have to read it.

Let me say that both of these anons are right, yet to think that their ideas are the opposites of each other, is totally wrong. In other words they both have a point, but I guess their points needs a stronger a better way of being explained in order to avoid any further dramas and misunderstandings.

Why am I doing this? Because I've seen -enough- of it. After the twst character analyses, aruges toward the mischaracterizations in this fandom became a thing, it's been causing some issues and arguments between the fans and it's mainly because of how sides fails to explain their points clearly.

Though I didn't really receive any rude asks/comments regarding myself the matter I can still how some fans feel attacked, offended or called out by character analysis posts or have the NERVE to attack or offend others with their own perspective on characters and try to force others into accepting them.

Enough with drama, I'm sick of it. I'm going to explain this as clearly as I can, hopeful that this would at least lessen the chance of having to go through another drama regarding the mischaracterization issue.

1) The concept of FANfiction

First off, the fanfiction itself; what is a fanfiction? What type of writing is considered to be a fanfic? What is it even used for? These are the questions we all need to answer before getting to know the world of fanfic.

Just as its name explains, it's fan + fiction. It's the result of the fan's creativity and imagination taking place in a fictional plot, something that hasn't happened with the original characters and he original story. The fans' imagination is often far beyond the plot which the original story/series/book offers, yet this isn't going to hold fans back from imagining it. Fanfiction is the way of giving yourself (or others) the specific and plot with the original and canon version isn't going to give you, in other words it's a way of getting what you wish to see through a story but this time, it's you who'd decide what will happen.

You are the one who decides how characters will be, you are the one who decides how and where this story happens and you are the one to choose how this story must come to an end. It's all about your own imagination and creativity, which enables you to have power over everything about your own story and fanfiction, everything (In expection gor than legal issues including claiming the original character as yours). You have the power, and you choose how it should be.

2) Fanfiction and mischaracterization

This was mainly the most brought up issue in the recent Twst drama, mischaracterization through writings. Many were saying how they find this annoying and nerve-wrecking, but no one really talked about how mischaracterization comes to life.

Let me tell you, as long your writing is a fanfic, there is a 70% chance of mischaracterizing the plot or the characters and there's nothing wrong with it, that's just how fanfiction works! It isn't supposed to be canon, it is fanon and only fanon. Everything that happens is fictional and fanon based, in other words, it's the fan who decides what should happen in a fanfiction and how it's supposed to be!

One of the Fanfiction's best purposes is giving the fandom a chance to mischaracterize! To write the characters the way they wish them to be and not necessarily the way they truly are. Fanfiction allows us to imagine and create something that isn't true, so let me clear my point here: It's totally okay to change the characters' personalities in your fanfics! As the writer, you have the right to do so, and since writing a fanfic must be for your own pleasure in the first place, no one can stop you from imagining whatever you want! No one can jump out and say stuff like "YOU CAN'T MISCHARACERTIZE A CHARACTER IN A FANFICTION" because that'd be super lame. It's your own fanfiction, your story, your creation and you're free to mischaracterize if that's how you like it to be! And if anyone doesn't like that, remember that they don't have to read that.

3)What is the problem?

Look, we've been going through some drama because of the recent character analyses of twst fandom, and I'd like to explain why. First off, note that I think both sides of the argument have been wrong and I'm going to talk about both of them.

Let me begin with a small example: It's been argued that based to what we've seen from Leona's personality so far, he doesn't seem to be the type to love healthily or even easily fall for anyone. Some of the fans seemed to be offended by the statement and said that "They still want their Leona fluff no matter what everyone else says" okay okay, this is the problem I was talking about: Saying that canon Leona doesn't seem to be much of a fluffy lion or a sweet lover isn't equal to forbidding the fans from writing fluffs for him or picturing him as a adorable and gentle lover! No one has the right to hold fans back from appreciating and enjoying what they like! But it's important to know what exactly is happening.

I'll talk about some crucial points you need to know about character analyses and how it's different from a fanfic in part (4), but before that, let me continue to give some examples of the recent argues and how each of the sides were wrong.

A) You enjoy reading fluffy Malleus content but character analyses have been saying that he isn't as soft and cute as you'd expected him to be. Does this mean that you can no longer ask for wholesome Malleus content or enjoy reading them? -> Of course not! You're still free to read/imagine/write whatever you like with Malleus! No one has the right to tell you what to do, and character analyses aren't meant to be a way to hold you back from enjoying what you like! If you're enjoying something, go for it! In this fanon world no one can accuse you for not following the canon interpretations!

B) You've spent a rather long time getting to know Ace and his canon personality, and you really like the way he is! But by reading fanfics/ fandom's interpretations on him you can't help but to feel like they aren't giving his personality the justice he deserves, and aren't seeing the great and amazing character he truly is. Is it okay to feel upset about this? -> Just as I said, it's totally fine to have your personal interpretations of a character no matter how different the rest of the interpretations are! But the real question is: what should you do when you think fandom isn't doing a character justice? This would be answered in part D!

C) You are enjoying your personal ideas and headcanons with Idia and many are saying that your way of picturing him is so adorable! Does this necessarily mean that the canon Idia as well is like you describe him? -> Absolutely not! No matter how adorable an Au/headcanon is, everyone's free to enjoy it but you should remember that canon ≠ fanon. You are totally free to imagine whatever you'd like! But keep this in mind that you shouldn't insist on your ideas being necessarily canon!

D) You feel like many are mischaracterizing your favorite character and you don't like it, what should you do? -> Well to begin with, remember that other fans have the right to characterize a character just as much as you do! You can't stop them from doing what they like or expect them to change the way they are because of how different the canon interpretation of a character might be. But you as well have a great chance to inspire the fandom by your own ideas! You can try to discuss how different the canon personality of your favorite character is and even try to turn that into a character analysis! This way you'd not only avoid causing any drama because of disagreeing with someone's way of picturing your favorite character, but you will also have a chance to present your personal ideas and characterizations to the fandom in a friendly and polite way!

E) You don't like how an author is characterizing some of the boys, what should you do? -> Easy solution, don't read it. Let me tell you, I have gone through this a lot and do you know what I do whenever I read/see something that doesn't match my tastes and expectations? I keep scrolling! That's all, I don't have to like it, but I don't have to read it either! 😀

F) You're an author and a writing request is asking you to write for a character in a way you just can't or don't want to write because that goes totally against your idealistics and ideas on a character, for example: You just can't write something really wholesome and fluffy for Leona because you can't imagine him being like that, what should you do? -> It's obvious, then don't write it! You have the right to choose what you'd like to write and how you like to picture a character no matter what others think. If you want to picture Leona as an emotional and soft boy, it's totally okay! If you want to picture him as a cold-hearted and mean prince, again it's totally alright! Remember, just like fans you have the right to picture and characterize the characters the way you want to, and no one can tell you otherwise!

G) You've read a character analysis and you realize that you've been mischaracterizing Floyd for a while, should you feel bad or sorry about it? -> Of course not!! Even if you were mischaracterizing him, keep this mind that there's nothing wrong with picturing Floyd as the way you want him to be! As long as you don't claim your headcanons to be canon and share stuff like "Canon from is definitely like this" or "Floyd would do that, canon! ^-^" it's totally alright to imagine him the way you like!

H) You saw someone saying something about Malleus that didn't match the canon interpretations of him. You quickly replied to then and corrected them about their wrong point of view and tell them how the real Malleus is, which kinda led to and argument between you and the person, did you do the right thing? -> Absolutely not! Attacking others out of nowhere and without any context isn't the right way of introducing the canon characterizations to the fandom! Even if you were right, keep this in mind that the other person has the right to picture Malleus or any other character the way they want them to be so if you want to correct them or try to get to know the canon character interpretations, you should do that from the logical and polite way.

I) Someone wrote a character analysis for Idia and said how they find it so annoying when people who refer to Idia as "Baby" and "uwu beanie". You often refer to Idia as baby or cutie yourself and the context of that analysis/general post some how got to you. You feel lowkey attacked and offended, did the original poster say the right thing? -> No, matter what the context is or how accurate and well-written that analysis was, directly calling people who have a certain way of picturing a character "Annoying" is rude no matter how you think of it. Even if the original poster were right about Idia not being UWU, their way of wording their sentence wasn't really pleasant; keep this, in mind that everyone in the fandom is free to picture Idia as they like and it doesn't even matter if you don't like it or not! If you're going to write an analysis/essay regarding a character's personality, remember that you should prove your point and disagree with opposite opinions through logical reasoning and explaining your point, NOT by offending and attacking other ideas by savage contexts like "You have to stop saying that Idia is like this", "I hate it when people say Idia is like this", " It's so annoying to see people saying Idia is like this... "

4) What's with the character analyses then?

There's a difference from the canon and fanon interpretations of a character, this is a truth which cannot be denied. But it's important to remember that just because a canon interpretation of a character exists, you can no longer enjoy the fanon interpretations!

Even I, for example, enjoy picturing someone like Malleus as an purely evil being like Maleficent herself because I enjoy seeing him as a perfect figure for "Mister of all Evil", but in my Malleus analysis post I explained how we should NOT think that Malleus is nothing but pure evil or a heartless monster! See, this is the difference I've been talking about. I'm pretty well-familiar with the canon Malleus, but I'm also enjoying the my own fanon Malleus and I know that the Evil Malleus I admire is a fanon one, not the canon one!

The thing is, character analyses aren't meant to be a way to hold anyone back from enjoying their fanon interpretations or imagining what they like, they aren't call out posts either. They are simply a way of getting to know the characters as if you're getting to know one of your irl friends. You come to think of them, see how deep their personalities are and get to learn more about them!

It's true that reading a character analysis might make you realize that you've been somehow mischaracterizing a character but this, isn't anything to be sorry or frustrated about! Character analyses are written to learn us more about our favorite characters, or as I like to name it, they want to show us that they're a lot more that we may imagine them to be!

Now, you may wonder how can we write a good character analysis without getting out of the line, offending anyone or giving out any cheap information?

I, personally, am pretty strict when asked to do a character analysis. Doesn't matter if I like the character or not, I'd try to judge them nonetheless. You HAVE to talk about both good features and bad features, and you must strictly avoid your analysis from getting personal; you have to make sure that your personal thoughts, feelings and emotions regarding a character aren't effecting your analysis. You shouldn't be writing it in a way to show off with your analytical ideas either.

Some people think coming off as rude would make them sound valid and acceptable, or they might just be used to being a little offensive in general, but as I explained in part 3-I, I won't recommend using any harsh or mean languages at all. Let me note that your way of wording your ideas is crazily important and if you're not careful enough with what you say and how you describe your ideas, your post would be not only be not much helpful as an analysis but also a cause of more drama and arguments. Also, keep this in mind that even the best of character analyses can't totally catch the characters' personalities correctly because we do not own them! Twisted wonderland's characters are a property of aniplex and neither me not anyone else in this fandom has the right to claim what a character is 100% like unless Disney officially releases those details!

Writing character analyses can be hard, from finding enough of hints to defend your point to choosing the right Grammer and way of speaking to avoid any further misunderstandings. But remember, those who write character analyses have no right to attack anyone because of them (They can oppose to different opinions of course, opposing ≠ attacking ), but keep this in mind that readers have no right to attack then because of their analysis either! See, that's a two-sided relationship. Both of the, sides have to learn to respect, both of the sides should, know, their boundaries and both of the sides have to be respectful!

Warning: When I say you're free to do or imagine whatever you wish to do, know that posting and sharing writings too has its own rules. Make sure to put the proper warnings, and avoid using any taboo or clearly impolite and sometimes, illegal concepts such as incest, pedophilia, etc.

I actually had a lot more I wanted to say regarding the matter but I'm keeping it short, because I know that writing too much would make this boring and pretty hard to read. Hope that it's clear enough and avoid the possible future misunderstandings and arguments regarding the matter. Please, this isn't even about twst, it's about learning to respect each other it's about real life. Having people read THIS is a lot more important than having them read my character analyses or writings.

[franeridart]

Anon said: Not an ask, but I frickin love your art style! 👌

Ah heck, thank you so much!!!! <3

Anon said: I refuse to use Emojis but You. Do. Not. Need. To. Apologize. For. Taking. Breaks! We are not entitled to you and you are not required to provide art for us! These are stressful times, and even outside of these times, taking breaks from social medias is completely acceptable.

Thank you for the kind feeling!!! But it’s fine, I’m not beating myself up over it or anything, just apologizing for my habit of going on breaks without letting anyone know beforehand haha

Anon said: your outfit ideas are amazing ! do you have a source of insperation?

Thank you!!! I do a lot of people watching, and that’s about it tbh! I do look at fashion photos and magazines and, like, clothes displays in stores? when I happen across them, but most of my inspo when it comes to outfits starts from me watching people and liking how they’re dressed - in that sense I like watching vlogs and stuff like that too, people these days are so stylish...

Anon said: I really love your lineart and coloring style!! Would you mind sharing your brush settings? Or some art tips? If you don't want too this okay too, keep up the good work !!

Since my brush settings are a reward for my $6+ patreons, I don’t really feel like it’d be fair to share them! But you can probably find some old version of them in my art tips tag :D as for art tips... for lineart the only thing I can really say is to not overthink it and just go with the flow, whatever feels comfortable for you will make for the most visually pleasing lineart too, in my experience! Coloring is something I’m constantly experimenting with as well, but there too my usual mindset is “the easier and faster the better” - generally, I just use flats and then add shadows on them with any color that goes from light blue to pink-ish purple on a layer set on multiply, anything that makes it look fancier than that is just me adding small details like sparkles or shines or anything of the like!

Anon said: GUESS. WHOS. GETTING. OLD!!! me. It’s me.

Everyone is! Constantly! It’s how the passing of times works, terribly enough

Anon said: hi!!! as someone who really admires you as an artist, has very little experience in art and would /really/ like to get better at it, i'd like to ask you: how did you get so good at it? (apart from constant practice, of course, i realize how important that is!) this is coming from someone who really has no idea where to start! what was your starting point, and are there any tips you can give a complete beginner like me?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm the thing is that drawing a lot really is all there is to it, but if I had to give one single serious tip for this it would be to find something you really really really really enjoy drawing and to just draw it - draw it badly if that’s the only way you know how to draw it, but make sure to always draw it while having fun, and slowly you’ll get better without even realizing you are. If you like a ship, draw that ship! If you like plants, draw plants! If you like animals, draw animals! It’s okay if you don’t know how to draw it, or if you feel like your skills aren’t good enough for what you mean to draw, because honestly I felt like that when I started too, and I still feel like that every time I pick up my pen, and I’m sure I’ll forever feel like that for as long as I’ll draw - my ideas will always be bigger than my skills, and maybe so will yours! So what’s it matter if you start drawing stuff beyond your skill level now or later? At least you’ll be having fun with it, and the only way to learn how to do something new is to go and do it, anyway

Anon said: hi! do you do commissions?

I don’t, sorry! Thank you for being interested, though!

Anon said: Hi there! So I'm rereading Quote Love Unquote (a classic for sure) and had the urge to go find the art you had made for it. And oops, like, two hours have gone by of me just scrolling through all of your older comics and art. I love it all SO MUCH. Your artstyle is just so damn enjoyable and all of your comics never fail to make me smile. I'm always looking forward to whatever you choose to make in the future regardless of fandom. Thank you for being awesome!!

God that’s such a nice thing to hear, thank you so much!!!!!! ( TT-TT)<3

Anon said: I made an ask before (u answered it dw) but u thought I was saying u missed my first one. U didnt! I was saying it made me so happy that u responded you’re an angel! Ily v much!!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that’s good then!! that’s very very good!!!!!! ily too!!!! <3<3

Anon said: How can one's art be soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good?

Thank youuuuuuuu ;;;;;;;;;; I do!!! my best!! ( ;u;)9

Anon said: You like tododeku?

Yup!

Anon said: Zero grafity kisses are the opposite of the spiderman kiss

How so? :O

Anon said: Hi! This is seriously out of nowhere but I wanted to tell you I reread your Bokuto-Kuroo-Terushima tattoo au strip all the time because it's just so delightful and seriously cute. Polyfidelity is the kind of poly my partner and I practice and I don't see it played out too much, so to see a relationship like that with characters I love and an art style I adore fills me with such warm fuzzies. It's so so lovely. Have a great day!

I’m so damn glad to hear that!!!! In that sense that comic still means a lot to me, so I’m happy to hear it means something to you too!!

Anon said: Friendly reminder that I fucking love you.

I love you too anon!!!!!!!!!

Anon said: Ma lo sai che sei sempre più brava?

aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! (TTATT) grazie mille!!!!!!!!!

Anon said: Hi um did you know that 🤰🏻🤱🏻 this lady had her kid?????? wtf i didnt know

I can’t even see the emojis from desktop lmao but good for her!!! 

Anon said: hot take: jirou, momo, kami, and shinsou in a poly relationship.

You know what anon, you’re incredibly valid and I respect you

Anon said: I just absolutely love your art! Whenever I see it, it makes my day! Your Kiribaku stuff gives me life! Keep making beautiful art, and stay safe during this time!

Gosh, thank you!! You stay safe too, anon!!!!

Anon said: HOW do you draw cloths

You keep in mind that gravity is a thing and let your hand do kind of whatever while hoping no one will notice you have no clue what you’re doing!! (...seriously tho I never studied these things I just do whatever feels like and hope for the best hahaha any experienced artist looking at my stuff is probably wondering what the heck it is that I’m trying to do...)

Anon said: Your style is so amazing and distinctive. Everytime I see it I’m like OH ITS THEMMMM and get super stoked

That’s so cool to hear!!!!!!! I genuinely have no clue what makes my art mine, but I like knowing people can recognize it anyway! It’s such a neat thing!!!

Anon said: Were you the person who did those "stopping an angry...." posts? Am I remembering this wrong? If that was you, where could I find those?

Are you talking about my bakuboys comic? If so then it’s in my bakuboys tag! :D

Anon said: Hey, you’ve seemed kind of tired and sad lately. I’m not going to ask you if you’re okay because you’re probably not, but I wanted to say I really do hope you feel better soon!

!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much ;;;; I’m doing my best!

[chaoticgremlinwholikescheese]

The Dare

A/N: I am so sorry I am so bad at slowburn. Also Katharine is kind of a jerk in this one. 

JACK’S POV:

“Race, truth or dare?” He considers for a moment. “Truth.”  Davey searches his brain for a good dare. “Favorite flavor of ice cream?” Everyone at the table groans. “They’re supposed to be scandalous questions, Davey!” Albert laughs. “I don’t know what to ask! Um. Are you a top or a bottom?”

“That’s more like it. And for your information, I am a switch.” He winks at his boyfriend Spot. Spot rolls his eyes with a smirk. “Jack’s turn. Jack, truth or dare?” I immediately say dare. These boys already know pretty much everything about me. I’d like to keep the few secrets I have secret.

Race glances around the room. He gets a mischievous glint in his eye. “Ask her out on a date.” He points to a girl across the room. She’s reading a book titled ‘The rise and Fall of Germany, ww1 and ww2′. It looks like it weighs as much as Spot.

“That’s Alex Kaminski. Every single guy who’s asked her on a date has been rejected. If you can get her to say yes, I’ll pay for your lunch.” I look down at my empty plate. “I already ate it.” 

“I’ll pay for your next lunch.”

Satisfied with the bet, I get up. Asking out a girl is no problem. I’m the flirting extraordinarie. I make my way over to her table and sit across from her. I put on my flirtiest smile. “Hey.” She peeks over her book. “Can I help you?” 

“Yeah. I lost my phone number, so I was hoping I could get yours.” She blinks slowly. “That was one of the worst pick up lines I have ever heard.” She closes her book. I finally get a good look at her face. She’s actually really cute. 

She has brown hair tied back in a bun. Her green eyes are bright, staring at me with an emotion I can’t quite identify. Freckles dot her nose. I half expected her to be the stereotypical nerd, braces, zits, that kind of thing. I was very wrong. 

“You’re Jack Kelly, right?” I nod my head. “How can I help you, Jack Kelly? Do you need a report written? Or a tutor to help bring up your grades?” 

“As tempting as those offers are, I’m actually here to ask you out on a date.” 

She raises an eyebrow. “A date?”

“Mhm. I’ll pick you up at eight-”

“Hold on, Romeo. I didn’t say yes.”

“Are you going to say no?”

She thinks for a moment. “Usually I would. But something about you intrigues me. Pick me up at eight. Here’s my phone number.” 

She slides a piece of paper across the table. Then she goes right back to her book. I take the hint and get up, walking back to my table. They all look at me expectantly. I place the number on the table. Race’s eyes widen. “She actually said yes? I was counting on her embarrassing you in front of everyone!”

“Thanks, Race. And she did in fact say yes. I’m picking her up at eight.”

“Don’t you guys think this is kind of mean?” Davey chimes in. 

“Aw, it’s just a date. Not like it’ll get serious or anything.”

Alex is waiting out front when I arrive. I wave. She climbs into the passenger seat. “Good afternoon, milady.” I look at the clock. “Or good night? I don’t know. Anyways, hello.” 

“Hi. So, where are we going on this date?”

“I was thinking we could grab some pizza at Jacobis.”

She nods in approval and switches on the radio. An up beat pop song comes on, and she starts to sing along. She has a good voice. I hum along under my breath. She starts swaying to the music, and I join her. Soon the two of us are full on rocking out. The song ends and we both start laughing.

We pull up to Jacobi’s and park. I hold the door for her like a gentleman. We grab a table in the corner.  A waiter comes over for our orders. “I’ll take a slice of pineapple and an orange soda, please.” Alex raises an eyebrow. “Pineapple?”

“Before you say anything, it’s delicious.” 

“I’m not judging. I was actually going to get the same thing. Make that two slices of pineapple, an orange soda, and a lemonade.”

The waiter scribbles it down and rushes off. Alex crosses her arms on the table. “So. You like pineapple too.” 

“Yup. And Race says that makes me the spawn of satan. Honestly, I take that as a compliment.” 

“Fun fact, Hawaiian pizza was actually created in Canada.”

“My whole life is a lie.” I dramatically place a hand to my forehead.

The conversation flows easily, like tomato sauce. Not the best analogy. You know what I mean though. We actually have a lot in common. We both like art, we’re both bi, and we’re both failing math. She’s actually a really nice girl. I find myself enjoying the date.

We talk for hours. I only notice how much time has passed when Jacobi’s starts to close. We’re the last people in the restaurant. We quickly pay the check and leave. I drive her home, and we talk the whole way. When we get to her house, I realize that I don’t want the date to end.

“Thanks for tonight. I had fun.” She smiles. God, her smile is beautiful.

“D-do you maybe want to do it again? A second date?”

“I’d like that.”

“So? Was she crazy? Is she a serial killer? Or is she actually a secret spy for the FBI?” Race hounds me with questions. “I bet it wasn’t that nice. She’s not even cute.” Katharine mutters. “Actually, I had a really good night with her. We’re going on a second date.” Everyone’s eyes widen. “Now you have to tell me everything!” Race squeals.

“There’s not much to tell. We got pizza at Jacobi’s and had fun. She’s kind of awesome.” I blush when I admit that. “Jack’s got a crush! I told you I was an expert matchmaker, Davey!” 

“What? You- but it was all a joke, right? You aren’t actually planning to date her, right?” I sense a tone of jealousy in her words. “I really like her.” I run a nervous hand through my hair. Davey pats me on the shoulder. “She’s a nice girl. You chose well.” Katharine scoffs under her breath. I choose to ignore it.

We all head into the cafeteria. I see Alex at her normal table, head buried in her book. I walk over and invite her to sit with us. She hesitates, but then she says yes. She takes a seat next to me at the table. The boys stare at her like with interest. She awkwardly waves.

“Everyone, this is Alex. Alex, this is. Well. Everyone.” I gesture widely around the table. They all give various greetings. “So, what are you reading?” Davey asks. She shows him the cover. “I read that a while ago! It was super interesting.” 

“Look at the two nerds bonding,” Finch chuckles. “You’re Katharine Pulitzer, right? We have english together.” Katharine pastes on a fake smile and nods.  When lunch ends, we all split up. Katharine and I head to Science together. “What’s your deal with Alex?” 

“She’s nice. I just don’t like her vibe.”

“Her vibe?”

“She’s not really your type. I don’t really get what you see in her.”

“Once you get to know her, you’ll like her as much as I do. She’s great, I promise.” 

ALEX’S POV:

I offer to pay for the movie tickets, but Jack insists on paying. We buy tickets to see a new comedy with Jack Black. We get some popcorn and candy. We have seats near the back. While we wait for the movie to start, Jack throws some popcorn and catches in his mouth.

I try but miss. He laughs and catches another piece. The two of us go back and forth, trying to see who can catch the most. By the time the trailers start, we’ve dropped almost half the popcorn. 

About halfway through the movie, Jack places his arm around my shoulders. The classic date move. I don’t mind though. I lean against him, and I see his big dopey smile. I probably have one of my own. 

Jack drives me home, and we chat the whole way. I feel like I’ve known him for ages. He walks me to my front door. We stare at each other for a moment. The air is tense, electricity zapping between us. My heart starts to beat faster. Blood rushes to my cheeks.

“Can-can I kiss you?” Jack chokes out. I don’t give him an answer. I just press my lips to his. He places a hand on my cheek. His lips are gentle, loving. When we pull away, both of us are breathing heavily. 

“Wow.” Jack whispers.

I blush and avert my eyes. 

“You’re going to take me out on a third date, right?”

ALEX’S POV:

Katharine is waiting for me outside our english class. “Hey, Kath!” She doesn’t say hi back. She ushers for me to follow her. She leads me to an empty hallway. “What’s with the secrecy?”

“I have something to tell you. And I’m only doing this because I consider you a friend.” I can see straight through her acting. She’s as fake as Regina George. “What is it?”

“I know you really like Jack. And that’s why I’m really sorry to have to tell you this. But the date he asked you out on? It was a dare. From Race.” I force a laugh. “You’re kidding right?” 

She shakes her head. “Do you have any proof?” Katharine pulls out her phone. She scrolls for a few second before handing it to me. It’s a group chat between the gang.

RACE: I still can’t believe she said yes

JACK: I told you, I’m the dare master

ALBERT: that’s a terrible name

JACK: whatever, I still won

RACE: you can’t win truth or dare

FINCH: what are you going to do for the date?

JACK: Take her out for a cheap date, say it’s not working out, win the game

RACE: there’s no winning in truth or dare dude

I fight the tears gathering in my eyes. I hand Katharine her phone back. She stares at me with fake pity. “I’m-I’m going to go.” I rush out of the room. I head to the nearest bathroom and sit in the stall. I let the tears fall. I thought he loved me. I loved him. I was just a joke. He just used me to look cool.

For once I felt loved. Like someone liked me for me. I’m the weird kid, the one people ignore and make fun of. I should have known that he didn’t actually love me. I’m the oddity. All I’m good for is a joke.

I spend the rest of the period in the bathroom. I finally run out of tears. I splash some water on my face. My reflection stares back at me. I look like a ghost. I guess I am in a way. No one really sees me. 

I walk to Jack’s science classroom. I wait outside. The bell finally wrings and people start to exit. I see Jack come out. He smiles and walks towards me. 

“Hey, hon-”

“Don’t.”

JACK’S POV:

I think I’m in love. That may sound crazy, but it’s true. I’ve only been dating Alex for a month. Best month of my life. I’ve never connected with someone like this. The whole gang likes her too. Except for Katharine. She has something against Alex, I don’t know what.

The bell finally rings. I walk outside and see Alex leaning against the wall. “Hey, hon-”

“Don’t.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Was I just a dare to you?” 

My face goes white. “Alex, it’s not like that! It started as a dare, but I really like you. I was going to tell you, but I didn’t want to mess it up-”

“You messed it up when you used me to win a fucking game, dare master. You’re a dick, Kelly. I thought someone finally saw me as something other than the school freak. I guess that’s all I am. A freak people use for their own gain.”

“Please. I love you.”

“Just stop. No more lies.” 

She turns her back and walks away. I start to run after her, but the crowd of students pushes me back. I force my way through the crowd. I run into Katharine. Before she can get a word out I ask if she’s seen Alex. 

“I haven’t. Is everything alright?”

“No. She found out about the dare. She broke up with me.” 

“That’s terrible. I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t care about being dare master, I care about her.” I pause. How did Alex know about the whole dare master conversation? She couldn’t have. Unless someone showed her the texts. And she has her first period with Katharine.

“You told Alex.” 

“So what if I did? She wasn’t the right girl for you. You need a girl like me.”

“You don’t get to make that decision! I loved her, and you took that away! Did you really think breaking me up with Alex would make me love you? I don’t love you, Katharine. I never will.”

Katharine tries to defend herself, but I run off. I need to find Alex. I search everywhere, but I can’t find her. Then I look out the window. She’s sitting under a tree. Her knees are pulled to her chest. Her arms are wrapped around her body like they’re the only thing holding her together.

I race outside. She looks up when she hears me coming. “What do you want?” She hisses. “To talk. Please.” She bites her lip. “Fine.” I take a seat next to her. I can see the tear stains on her shirt. My heart breaks. I did this to her. I hurt the woman I love.

“You have five minutes.” 

“Alex, it started out as a dare. And I was stupid to take it. I didn’t think about how it would affect you. And I am so, so sorry. And what I said about loving you? That wasn’t a lie. I really do love you.”

“How can I believe you?”

“You can’t. And I don’t expect you to forgive me. I understand if you never want to talk to me again. And I’ll respect that. Whatever you want, I’ll do.”

“God damn it, Jack. You make it so hard to hate you.” Alex tearfully laughs. “What you did, it hurt. I’m willing to give you a second chance because I love you. Don’t make me regret it.”

I gently hold her hand. She leans her head on my shoulder. We’re not perfect. We probably never will be. But all that matters is that we love each other. That’s more than enough.

[fathermarty]

Introducing Father Marty

Hello <3 

First off, I am Father Marty or just Marty. I am a female who uses she/her. The name Father Marty is a play off my absent father growing up (lmao), I use to always make jokes about it so my friends started calling me father! Then nickname Marty came from when I was younger and O B S E S S E D with the Madagascar movies. So boom that is how Father Marty came into play, literally couldn’t have a cooler online alias. I am going to just put some random things about myself so you guys can get to know me. <3

Sadly I am not as obsessed with Madagascar as I use to be, however they are still phenomenal movies! I am; however, obsessed with Harry Potter and Criminal Minds!

I specifically love the Marauders Era, there is not much to be known about their reign at Hogwarts. I like this because my imagination can run wild which is fun.

With that being said, I am in love with James Potter. I am not sure why, probably because I act a lot like him. I also tend to project myself on Sirius because we both have shitty luck when it comes to family.

My Hogwarts house is Slytherin :D

Derek Morgan is my king, Spencer Reid is my fav, Garcia is my baby girl, and JJ is my wife (along with Emily). 

My favorite color is green, if you can’t tell by my theme. My phone is green, so is its case, and all of my devices wallpapers are green aesthetic. I like green because it is just so happy and to me resembles a new beginning. My favorite memory is when I was walking through a thickly wooded area after a huge tornado ripped through my hometown and the wet leaves and green shining in the light from the moody sky was sooooo beautiful. Okay anyway...

I am 19, I will be 20 in May. I was a college student but sadly I had to take a break. I moved across the country to transfer colleges only to have said college change their mind on my academic scholarship making it impossible for me to go. My intended major is Criminology and Political science double major with a minor in communications. (I am a huge geek.) I plan on going back in the fall, for right now I am making money. 

Because I am not at school I am working. This entails working at Starbucks from 5:30 am to mid afternoon then I waitress from mid afternoon until 8-9 then I proceed to also close out the diner I work for. I also, on the side, tutor kids in math! I love math so much. 

I am an older sister to a twelve year old and nine almost ten year old mini me’s. We will call them Sister Marty and Brother Marty. They are literally the reason that I keep going. I want to set a good example so they do not fall into the paths of the people around us. I should also say I am adopted so I have a little bit of a different background than them. Nonetheless, they are my babies and I love them whole heartedly even when they piss me off because they have my attitude and outlook on everything.

If anyone ever needs older sister advice I am here. There are no dumb questions and I will always truthfully answer to the best of my abilities. I will also just be someone in your life to encourage you if need be. :) you guys can be my babies too <3

side note; I am also the mom friend, I don’t think I need to explain that.

I also love to bullet journal. Not much to say on this, if you have any kickass ideas for drawings though let me know!

Now here is the important part, I want everyone who is reading this right now to know that you are NEVER alone. I personally have struggled with my mental health for a long time but now I am in a position to help others. There is nothing you cannot get through, I promise. Take me as living truth. You can ALWAYS message me ALWAYS! I will try to help the best I can and give you tips on how to ground yourself. You are so important and so loved.

One thing that is important really important to understand about someone who is struggling that I have learned is to listen and try to imagine what they are feeling. You will never truly understand how another person is feeling because you have never specifically been in that situation. 

Also another thing to note is DO NOT COMPARE OR BELITTLE SOMEONE WHEN THEY ARE TALKING TO YOU. Nothing will shut a person down and make them close up more than when you try to make the conversation. about yourself. You may not intentionally be doing that but to a person who is in distress, that is how they will interpret it.

I will also say that no one knows what the lowest point in your life is like, so don’t them down play how you are feeling. I don’t know what its like in your lowest just like you don’t know what it is like in mine.

Many times others mental health is belittled by people who surround them so keep that in mind if someone tries to talk to you about what is going on in their life.

Okay well now you know about me and the inter-workings of my life, introduce yourself! I love to make friends and I am super outgoing. My inbox is always open. I hope you guys have a good time scrolling thats for reading <3

[nachohypno]

Nate and Dave Ch. 13

Didn’t take long for us to leave the shopping street. We did take a few pictures together, mostly for storing. Dave is pretty photogenic and looks great in all of them (He even wanted to take his tank top off for a few! But I assumed that would attract unwanted stares. Silly old Dave...)

We left our bags at the back seat and drove off towards Dave’s house. Something I always liked about living in a town: Everything is close, and yet, a car never seems a bad idea. Maybe my ass is just lazy, but I enjoy relaxing next to Dave as my werewolf boyfriend just drives us safely towards our destination.

“I forgot to ask… Are your parents home?” I like Mr. and Ms. Walker! I really do! But there’s so many things you can do when a couple of werewolves with heightened senses are in the house with you. I have a feeling that they can hear every single sound in the house.

And that’s not really fun. I don’t think it’s intentional though, but it’s pretty hard to have a heart-to-heart moment when you think everyone is listening to you.

“Nuh-uh.” Dave mumbled, as he parked outside his garage. “Pop’s working during the evening, comes back by the time we’d be out of school, so we have quite a few hours before our private time is over. Mom’s out with some of her friends I guess, she doesn’t like spending much time ‘locked away’.”

“So, you really want to have a pool day? We’re a month or so away from Winter, big guy.” Not intending to sound like a party pooper. The day was nice and you can survive without a jacket, but I don’t think I’ll be going into the pool. Catching a cold isn’t something I look forward to.

“I’m always up for some swimmin’, but get what ya mean, bruh.” He turned off the engine and looked at me. “You can relax by the pool, and if things get really cold we can just go to my room and warm ya up!”

We entered the house. I couldn’t hear a single sound inside, which was a comforting thing.

“Lose the clothes! Lose the clothes! Lose the clothes!” Dave started chanting, as he stripped in front of me as fast as he could, soon standing naked in the middle of the living room.

I always liked how easily he loses his clothes at every chance he gets. Maybe he likes having his built body at full display for others to admire? I mean, who wouldn’t admire him?

The meaty pecs are not too big, but not exactly small either. His 6-pack abs are perfectly aligned and seem ready to take a few punches, breaking your hand in the process.

His cock was hard, of course. His cock was always hard when he’s naked, like an automatic thing. 

He seems like a 15 years old with those levels of horniness, and yet he makes such a great job holding himself back instead of suggesting to have sex everyday. I don’t know if he jerks off though, maybe he’s just happy to see me.

“I… prefer to stay clothed?” Such a party pooper, I know, but I’d rather not worry my mom with getting sick because I want to seem cool for my boyfriend. I’ll get naked in the bedroom, but the pool seems out of the question right now.

Dave frowned. “Still worrying about gettin’ cold? Wait here and strip, I’ll get ya a solution, bruh.” He raced upstairs, our bags in hand. I loved how the locket dangled in between his pecs, such a cool detail.

I did as told though, not because he told me to but because I was curious. And a little part of me didn’t want to be lame. That train is gone now, though, right?

I waited for my puppy boy, as I started feeling the cold getting to me. It wasn’t bad, but not exactly the most pleasant thing in the world. I stayed in my boxers, because I wasn’t looking forward to the air invading my ass.

A minute later or so, the jock dashed down the stairs with his varsity jacket on one arm, and a pair of towels on the other. He was already wearing his speedo, but it failed to hide anything due to his hard on.

“Uhm… Could you go soft like… down there?” I asked, trying to sound as nice as possible. Perks of having a werewolf soulmate, apparently everything you say sounds always as nice as possible, Dave is just happy to comply with everything that I may want or need.

Including controlling his body functions, like how his dick just got soft all of a sudden and the speedo looked a bit less revealing. Still, it fitted him quite well.

“Not gonna swim, right?” Dave asked, giving me a finger gun. I shook my head, before laying a towel on the ground and just laying down. “A’ight, watch these moves then, bruh!”

He jumped in the pool with a cannonball, making a big splash, before giving me a thumbs up and smiling. I clapped a lot, to show him some enthusiasm before he sank back down and started doing laps. I rolled my eyes, and started scrolling through my phone.

--------

Dave pulled himself out of the pool after finishing another set of laps, and started drying himself off like a dog: Shaking it off.

I covered myself with his jacket, and I heard him chuckle. “Water’s so nice today, bruh. You should give it a try!”

“Are you really not cold? It’s okay if you are… We can do something else instead.” I knew he wasn’t but I was worried about him.

“Chill out, my body’s as warm as a lighted chimney.” He finished drying himself off with a towel and sat beside me on the stone floor. “Us werewolves can take some really cold temperatures, especially while wearing our fur, babe.”

Huh, that awakened my curiosity!

“So… everyone in your family is a werewolf?” I asked, reaching out for my phone. I had to write this down or otherwise I would forget about it! I had made a special text file for my research on Dave’s… wolfiness.

As soon as I get some juicy new information, I write it down to satisfy my inner nerd. Never thought I would be so invested in investigating a supernatural creature, but yet again, I never thought I’d have a werewolf as my soulmate!

“Uh… not quite?. Like, I think there’s a fifty percent chance if one of the two is a normal person, but we don’t really care about that. It’s not like it’s a super important thing to have a werewolf son.” He tried to explain, putting on his sunglasses again and sitting beside me. “It is pretty important for my pops but between you and me, he’s just kinda racist.”

My fingers tapped the screen as I heard everything Dave had to say. I mean, not the part about his dad, but the werewolves’ children having a fifty percent chance to inherit lycanthropy.

“But,” He resumed his explanation. “Most of my family is a werewolf, maybe there’s just one or two not werewolves out there? There are a lot of Walkers, that’s for sure. Not sayin’ we mate like bunnies but… I do have a lot o’ cousins.”

“Any siblings?” I asked, but he shook his head in denial.

“Nope. I’m an only son, bruh. I always thought it was because I’m an alpha, and dad says I got the jackpot with that rank. Heheh.” A smug look on his face, he flexed his arms while pointing to himself with his head high. The guy was trying to seem narcissistic or he was really proud of himself.

He looked cute anyway. The speedo was holding his now-soft cock perfectly, and you could see his shape through it. Muscles in all the right places… the guy looked like a really little hulk. Just… human-like, and not green.

I took my eyes off him for a few seconds to finish writing this line at my notepad. ‘Werewolves seem to mate and reproduce themselves quite frequently, but it varies on a subject vasis.’

“Hey nerd, drop the phone.” Dave said, in a commanding tone. I definitely wasn’t expecting it, but I looked at him again and he seemed a bit annoyed. Maybe because I wasn’t giving him much attention? He wasn’t flexing anymore, then he started walking closer.

I tapped my way to the ‘Save’ button before leaving my phone next to me. “Uh… sure thing? What’s with the attitude?”

The puppy boy didn’t stop to answer, but instead got next to me and grabbed my hips in a swift move. Supernatural speed or reflexes, whatever you want to call it, I loved it. “Just enjoy it, babe…” He mumbled, before leaning in for a kiss. I closed my eyes as I kissed him back, and could feel my body being lifted from the nice towel on the grass.

His warm skin against my naked chest, only protected by his varsity jacket. A few seconds afterward, the varsity jacket was off. The locket necklace was cold, but I didn’t mind. I just enjoyed the moment, just like he said.

Dave was walking, but the kiss distracted me. My mistake was closing my eyes, because I didn’t see his prank coming. 

“One… two…” He started to swing me towards the pool. I opened my eyes as soon as he started counting, but I only managed to say a surprised “Dave-!” before he interrupted me.

“Three!” SPLASH. I fell in the water. The cold water, but my body was quickly getting used to it. I stayed underwater for a few more seconds to fully embrace the cold temperature, I knew that I would shiver a bit less if I did that.

I had my eyes closed once again, because I never got used to my eyes touching water, but I did feel the water movement as Dave jumped right after me.

I swam back to the surface. I’m not a good swimmer, but this area of the pool wasn’t that deep so I could touch the bottom with my feet and keep myself up with small jumps.

“Hey, hey. I got’cha now…” Dave mumbled, catching me in his arms and keeping me from jumping. I hugged him as tightly as I could. His body was still warm, so it felt really good. Like some kind of underwater stove.

“T-Thanks, big guy…” I managed to say. I would have loved to avoid seeming a weakling, but even with Dave’s hot body, I still felt myself getting colder the longer I was in the pool.

Pulling me closer, he leaned in for a good make out session which I really appreciated. I wrapped my legs around his waist and we stayed like that for a good while.

...Until the coldness was too much for me, that is. There’s a little line between ‘being a party-pooper’ and ‘my body can’t hold this temperature anymore’. The wind wasn’t making it any easier, making me feel colder at every part that stood out of the water.

“D-D-Dave… Let’s head... back in, okay?” I managed to say, holding him close. The jock nodded, and swam over to the edge of the pool, making sure to keep me as close as possible.

Once we were out, I reached out for the towel I was laying on a while before. Dave was shaking the water off him like a puppy boy would do, so he was okay in that part. Then, I noticed him getting zoned out again as the fur on his body started to grow. 

‘Oh, geez, I love this part!’ I thought, noticing a tail appearing behind him and his muscles growing with the yellow-ish/brown fur on his skin.

His human head morphed into a humanoid wolf one, two little fangs sticking out of his dog snout with a little black spot appearing where his nose was. His hands grew paw pads and claws, before finishing the transformation with a howl after going out of his self-induced trance.

I kept drying myself with the towel, hoping to get warmer with that, but then the puppy boy tackled me. I managed to grab my phone from the ground as he said “Don’t ya worry, my love. Gonna take good care of you…” before picking me up and dashing inside. He was already warm before, but his fur was really comfortable and helping out with the cold.

A few minutes later, the big guy entered his room with me on his arms. I felt like those couples on tv, being carried by my big and strong boyfriend towards his bed. Dave gently left me on top of it and then laid down next to me. A tight hug afterwards, I could feel the coldness fading away as a very comfortable warm invaded my body.

-------

Dave’s POV

Nate fell asleep in my arms. His shivering stopped, and he was warm again. 

I sighed, such a dumb move I’ve made. But hey, gettin’ to werewolf form to warm him up was pretty smart, right?

Reluctantly, I pulled away from him and tried to get up from my bed. Any other day I would love to do this, he’s my soulmate! Weeks after noticing him, I still couldn’t believe it. I’m supposed to make him happy and safe, fuck.

I grabbed the bedsheets and made sure Nate was well-covered in them. ‘Only the best for my boyfriend’ I thought. I shivered the bit at the thought of having a ‘boyfriend’, but that’s what he is. A guy. THE guy, the one I love the most in the world.

Magic can be quite funny, huh. How a soulmate can turn my whole world upside down. I would be beatin’ the heck outta this guy if he ever implied that we’re meant to each other. And now I fell in love with a guy. Karma’s a bitch, some say.

The sight of Nate being so comfortable in his sleep, not shivering anymore, just happily dozed off, it pushed all the buttons for me. He had to be happy, I had to make sure of that. I want to be a good soulmate for the guy I love.

Looked down at my hands, I noticed I was still in werewolf form. Mom hates when we go werewolf while we’re at the house, because the fur gets all over the floor sometimes. She’s not home though, so I can do whatever I want.

Nate’s phone was firmly held by his owner. He had all that investigation thing in there, so I guess that’s why. I knew he wanted to know more about me and my lycanthropy, and I was honored to help him! He wanted to try and understand me more? He’s the best!

I rubbed my hairy wolf head, what to do now? Should I wait for him to wake up?

I mean, I’d love to spend time just cuddling with him, but I kinda feel guilty for pulling him into the pool like that. Gonna start listening to him if I want to stop fucking up.

Nate’s really nice to me, and never tells me I fuck up, but there’s always that little possibility I actually fuck up our dates quite often and he just never tells me, and I love him too much to hurt him in any way.

That’s also why I’ve been trying to control my strength, too! Our first days together, I almost crushed the guy down with my weight, but after some practice I managed to keep myself at bay to make sure he’s comfortable with me around!

I clenched my fist and threw a punch to the air. A little unfamiliar ‘cling cling’ sounded as I did so, the locket. Watching it filled me with joy and a warm feeling. It’s like I carry a little reminder that I’m Nate’s soulmate. 

A puppy boy, always ready to please my owner in any way possible.

My own words, the ones I wrote on the little note inside the locket, resonated through my mind. “My heart, body and mind belongs to my lovely soulmate Nate Hall.” Followed by my signature. It was cheesy, and maybe a try hard-ish thing for my taste, but it was the truth. Nate was my owner and I was his puppy boy.

I held the metal thing tightly in my hand, before letting it go and turning around, heading out of my room. Empty house, still plenty of time to have fun.

I had to walk in tiptoes, because my heavy footsteps may wake up my boyfriend. I could just change back into human form, but I felt stronger and faster while in werewolf form. Any excuse I have to use it will be great.

Out on the corridor, I looked for the attic trapdoor’s handle on the ceiling. The attic is a pretty dirty and dark place, we just use it as storage. So, I assumed mom and pops would store their family treasures or memories. Boxes filled with old books, photo albums, letters and other trash. 

Somewhere in those boxes had to be my old copy of the ‘Being a werewolf: How to keep the secret safe and live among the human society.’ book. (Sounds lame, but I ain’t making that up!).

So, time for a good search. I can’t search it by smell, because I would only smell dust and humidity.

My claws made it a bit more harder to search through the boxes without breaking stuff, but I managed to search through quite a few of them pretty quickly. No luck so far.

A box next to a small window had a little ‘Old stuff from Dave’ tag on it. Mom liked to organize stuff, I don’t know why I didn't look for this one to begin with.

I opened the top of the box and began searching through full notebooks filled with gibberish writing from when I didn’t know how to read or write. I was quite the slow learner, according to a few old teachers. Then, there it was.

A brown book, with a wolf doing a thumbs up to me, with silver letters that read ‘Being a werewolf: How to keep the secret safe and live among the human society.’ And a little seal of quality on the bottom of it that said ‘Approved by the supernatural council’. This would make a perfect gift for my nerdy boyfriend.

I decided to look a bit more around that box and other ones, just in case I found more stuff for him, but I’ve been up in the attic for quite some time, apparently.

“Uh… Dave?” A dazed Nate asked, still in my room. I could hear him perfectly, great part of the heightened hearing.

“Comin’ up!” I answered, trying to sound loud enough for him to hear me. Searching for treasures would have to wait, my soulmate needed me.

I left the attic and closed the trapdoor, before running into my room. Another rule, my mom doesn’t like us running in the house because we could break the furniture, but pops always gives me a free pass on that one.

“Need anythin’? I’m so sorry for pushing you in down there, bro…” I tried to apologize, but Nate didn’t seem mad at all. Nor disappointed, he just seemed… comfortable. “If you want me to do something to make it up for you, just say it and I’ll do it. Anything. Oh, wait, got you this book for your investigation...”

I sometimes think I can exaggerate when around Nate, but there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him. And that’s not poetry, I mean it quite literally.

There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him.

I gave him the book and Nate examined it carefully. “Being a werewolf… Is there actually a whole guidebook about being a werewolf?” He asked, before leaving it on my night table. I nodded, wondering if he liked it or not.

“Thanks so much! And about before, don’t worry about it.” Nate said, breaking the few seconds of silence. “I mean, I’m not dead so… it was just a fun prank!” Huh, I thought he would actually be mad at me after that. “Hey, c’mere.”

I did as told, while he reached out for my wolf head. I started giving light kicks to the floor as he scratched the back of my ear. There’s no way I can describe the pleasure this gives me. It’s just… the best thing in the world, next to him.

“‘sides, you also brought me up here and warmed me up. I can’t be mad at you for being such a good puppy boy! Who’s a good puppy boy? Huh? Who’s a good puppy boy?”

An urge to answer overwhelmed me. “I am!” I said. “I am a good puppy boy! Woof!”

“Yes, you are! You’re the best puppy boy ever, aren’t you?” He continued, now scratching my neck. My kicks came out a bit stronger now, as the pleasure went up. My cock was already rock hard, this was amazing!

“Yeah! I am your puppy boy, bruh! Woof, woof!” My urge to bark wasn’t a new thing, either. It was like my animal instinct and my human mind were at a bit of a struggle right now. I didn’t care though, Nate’s happiness was the thing that mattered the most to me right now.

“Come up on the bed, we’re gonna have some puppy fun, right puppy boy?”

I nodded excitedly, before climbing my bed. I loved how small Nate looked when on my bed. Probably because I’m way bigger than him, and the bed was actually made to fit my werewolf form on it.

“Also… could you just… zone out for a bit? You know, like we’ve practiced, puppy boy.”

No time to think, though. Had to obey.

If Nate was the center of my world before, then he just became the center of my universe as my mind emptied from every thought that didn’t involve obeying him.

Nate was my soulmate, my owner, the most important person in my life without a doubt. And I was just a simple puppy boy jock.

“My heart, body and mind belongs to my lovely soulmate Nate Hall.” Those words resonated again in my mind, this time stronger, as Nate pulled his wet underwear off. “Take off your speedo, puppy boy.” He ordered.

I was smiling, and my tongue was lolling out. I obeyed his order without a single doubt in my mind. Pure bliss by just obeying my soulmate was a great thing. Nate moved me like a ragdoll, having one of my hands wrapped around his cock and the other around mine. “Now, start jerking us off.”

It was an honor for me. My owner wanted me to jerk him off! I couldn’t disappoint him!

I did my best, trying to control my strength well enough so he could enjoy it without pain. I replicated my own moves on my cock, pleasuring myself as well. Nate was just laying there, eyes closed and arms behind his back. He moaned from time to time.

While we already went through the ‘fucking’ stage, I never knew if Nate enjoyed it as much as I did. We never did it again, so it’s hard to know.

But hey, any moment with my soulmate is an amazing one! 

I kept stroking him for quite a while, not minding anything but focusing on bringing him pleasure. My own pleasure was another thing, but he included it in his order so I had to pleasure myself too!

Then, he pushed my hand off and grabbed me by the locket. “That’s enough for now, let’s just cuddle together, all right?”

My answer was a bit of panting, as I did as he suggested and wrapped him in my arms. I hoped my fur warmed him a lot more, after the shitty move I pulled before.

“I love you, puppy boy. You’re the best and only puppy boy in the world for me...” A little yawn as he laid on my pecs.

I smiled, feeling myself blush a bit but it would have been not distinguishable at all due to the fur in my face. This was one of the few times that I had to fight against the influence of being ‘zoned out’, not for a bad reason, but because I wanted to answer him.

“I… love you… too, my love…” I managed to say, quite happy but still a bit unemotional. Eh, did my best there, and Nate seemed happier, since he hugged me tighter.

“Let’s just nap for a while… Okay?” I don’t know if that was an order, but I almost immediately dozed off.

-------

Chapter 14 is already available in my Patreon!  And by pledging you also get access to other stories before they go public!

[another-writer]

Begin Again: Chapter 6

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 7  End

Tags are at the bottom; let me know if I’ve missed you or you wanna be added! Thanks for reading along, and for all the feedback, it’s super appreciated! x

This is partially filler, I hold my hands up to that. Still some kinda fun stuff. Hope you enjoy!

‘[Y/N], don’t you think he’s got a point?’

As much purpose as you felt, you imagined you looked comically weak, walking at a slow enough pace so not to strain yourself but still serious enough. Whether it was more embarrassing or not, Bucky had slowed down from a normal speed to stay with you.

‘What do you think I’m going to do, exactly?’ you scowled. ‘I'm not an idiot.’

‘You’re just as impulsive as Stark is.’

You didn’t like the accusation in his voice. ‘Bucky, I hate to play this card but, I’m the one who got stabbed here, I think I’ve earned at least knowing who did it.’

Bucky stayed quiet.

If Bucky was going to be put off by you keeping something important from him, you weren’t going to take it lying down. You hadn’t intended on hiding it from him for the sake of his ‘fragility’ (you didn’t even think was fragile), but for the sake of Tony.

You marched into the lab, gathering the attention of everyone in the room. Tony was silently telling you to leave; the fact that he didn’t voice it meant he was being lenient. You ignored his glare and stood next to Bruce who was scrolling through several documents at the same time on different monitors.

‘What’ve we got?’

Bruce settled on what looked like a profile page. The man’s photograph on the left and information on the right, all in Russian.

‘His name’s Artur Ivanov. Born 1974. That’s all I can read from this.’

‘His mother was American,’ Natasha continued, leaning closer to the screen,  blue eyes scanning the Russian words with impressive speed. ‘Born in Norilsk, family moved here ... He’s been serving in Hydra since he was forty and formed some sub-organisation when it collapsed. Before all that ... he was a cop.’

Steve quirked an eyebrow. ‘Can we track him down?’

‘FRIDAY?’ Tony alerted.

A  hologram map of Central and North America arose across the lab bench in  the middle of the room, prompting everyone in the room to gather around  the center.

‘Scanning all cameras from Queens outwards.’ FRIDAY’s voice boomed from the speakers. The map zoomed in closer and closer on North America, until -

‘I’m sorry - Dover?’ you scowled, but not loud enough that everyone could hear you. ‘You get missions in Africa and Europe and the guy who stabs me is in Delaware?

‘Looks like was last seen here at an active base half an hour ago after being rescued. They used stolen rental cars.’ Natasha leaned away from the hologram, reading the room.

You didn’t want to admit it out loud given how strange it would sound, but the news that he was alive lightened your heart slightly. ‘Do we know what happened to the other guy?’

An image of the barista with a bullet in his skull and a pistol lying by his open fist appeared.

‘They must’ve shot him dead,’ Bucky muttered. ‘Cleared all traces.’

Wanda paled slightly at the image. ‘Why would they shoot one and save the other?’

‘That guy knew I was there and probably didn’t tell him,’ you replied. ‘I’m guessing Hydra doesn’t take too kindly to errors. Ivanov must be important if they kept him around.’

Steve was studying the image of the two men unconscious on the ground from when you had left them. ‘If these guys know Bucky is out of cryo and were in New York, then we don’t have much time before they come for us.’

'Shouldn’t you wait?’ you asked quietly, looking up at Tony for approval. You then realised you were speaking to people at a much higher qualification than you; while you were sure they hadn’t meant to look intimidating, you still took a moment to hold your own. ‘I’m just saying, I got hurt because they knew I’m close to Tony. Maybe Bucky’s not the only one they’re after. What if they’re trying to provoke you too?’

‘No.’ Bucky’s voice caught you off-guard. He looked like he had been mulling the information in his head, allowing it to settle before he had spoken. ‘If they’re after Tony, or any of you, I’m not gonna wait until they make another move,’ he continued. 'We don’t know what they want with me, but I want to lead this one.’ Despite Bucky having melted into the walls before, he spoke with an authority you hadn’t heard before.

And, as if answering an unasked but lingering question - Why do you want this so badly? - ‘I know him,’ he said curtly. ‘I worked with him, more than once.’  

You were sure you weren’t the only one drawn by the staring contest between Bucky and Tony. Although Bucky was being positive, there was still something tense about their interaction. Tony’s expression was unreadable.

‘Tony,’ you asked quietly. ‘you’re okay with them going?’

‘I’m not in charge, technically they can do what they want,’ he replied, eventually looking away.

Tony’s change in attitude took you by surprise. He could be impulsive but the severity of the situation would, under usual circumstances, cause him to approach with caution ever since Sokovia. He wouldn’t change his mind without reason.

‘I’m coming too,’ said Natasha, her eyes vacant from your conversation and heavy with her own thoughts. She looked up at everyone around her and nodded slightly, as if agreeing with her own words.

Steve didn’t seem thrown. ‘If they find out, they won’t trust you again.’

‘They already don’t,’ she said, folding her arms and shrugging lightly. ‘You guys do, though. And you’ll need what I know.’

‘So, aside from - what - the wrath of the United Nations, there’s no downside,’ Sam said nonchalantly.

‘Okay,’ said Bucky, ‘we’ll fly out in an hour.’

When you saw the others next, they had mapped their strategy out and were filing through the compound on their way to the hangar, ready to leave within the hour. With Rhodes needed elsewhere - you tended to forget he had another job - only you and Tony were the ones left. He had helped you out of the room, trying to stick to principle by not involving himself. You could tell it was killing him.

You were walking to your lab space when you saw Bucky walking towards you, and you were unsure of whether to say something or not. It was his first mission since you had arrived at the compound, and it felt odd not to, regardless if things had become rocky.

‘I know you’ve done this before,’ you said apprehensively, leaning your shoulder against the wall and folding your arms, ‘but it’s new to me, seeing you go on one of these things.’

Bucky had been making a beeline for the elevators to the main reception behind you, stopping as though he hadn’t expected you there, or was lost in his thoughts.

‘There anything I can do to ease your mind?’ he asked, recovering from his daze, hands in his pockets. His pose was a strange contrast to his tactial gear.

You shrugged half-heartedly. ‘You’ll come back in one piece, right?’ you tried to sound  nonchalant, but you heard malaise slip through. ‘You’ve  sort of got a reputation of splitting in two,’ you added, eyes  darting to his Vibranium arm and then back.

Bucky caught you looking and smiled, looking crafty. ‘I’m feeling pretty good about this one, I think it’s gonna last.’

‘As  long as the rest of you does too,’ you said before you could help it,  enjoying the banter that seemed more usual to yours and Bucky’s  conversations. ‘I kind of wish I was going. I can’t imagine I’d be of much use.’

Stop talking, you seethed at yourself.

He shook his head. ‘I’m glad you’re staying,’ he said. ‘Not because I think you’d be useless,’ he added quickly. ‘Just ... you should rest.’

After a beat, he said, ‘I shouldn’t be pissed you didn’t tell me.’

‘We don’t have to talk about that.’ You shook your head mildly. Annoyed as you were about Bucky’s reaction, it was also reasonable (to an extent) and given that he had to go and potentially risk his life at that moment, you figured it wasn’t important.

‘I just,’ he stopped, looking for the right words, one hand going to run through his hair, ‘I get why you had to. And you didn’t owe me that anyway.’

The sound of the elevator alerted you.

‘Hey!’ Sam called. ‘Jet’s ready, let’s go.’ He jerked his head towards the elevator, gesturing for Bucky to make a move. You realised he still probably had to load up on weaponry. ‘[Y/N], what are you doing standing up?’

You raised your hands in mock surrender and backed away. ‘I’m going, save your energy.’

Bucky, walking back with Sam, turned to look at you. ‘I’ll see you soon?’

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[shehasworktodo]

“Do you want love, or...

... do you want the D?” An old friend had asked me this question back in college, using more colorful language. The crazy thing was that I actually had to think about my answer. I’m young, I’ve still got a lot to learn about love, and I’ve always associated love with SEX. So imagine... a lovesick teen-turned-young adult so obsessed with talking about sex even though she’s never had it before, thinking everything will be picture-perfect once it actually happens. 

I’ve had my fair share of crushes, and I’ve crushed hard. I thought that if I prayed hard enough God would grant me the guy I had my eyes set on at the time. I thought these boys were property. I also thought that if I saved sex for marriage and committed my body to Christ that my husband would never cheat on me. Those were naïve and selfish thoughts. As if I had control over someone else being unfaithful.

Okay, why am I writing about this now? Why am I writing about this today? It’s 2020, so many heartbreaking things are happening in the world with every turn of our heads. We’re out here seeking love more than ever- or what we think is love. I can’t get this thought out of my head: we search for that spiritual intimacy by getting drunk and partying and going to clubs with others, dancing and kissing strangers to feel some type of high that we have to keep going back to. My flesh was satisfied for only a time. I remember getting wasted some nights so that I could make my friends laugh and have more “fun”. I turned into this bold flirt that danced until my feet got sore, and as the night went on I’d find one guy to ~fall in love~ and make out with until it was time for me to go. Those little moments, although not a lot, had a big impact on my life. I know exactly what I want in a relationship, but I always found myself running after or following things that I really didn’t. After experiencing my first major heartbreak I found myself going off the deep end. During my time with this guy, I followed “the rules” of dating and established what I wanted and what I didn’t want beforehand. I found myself conforming and compromising my beliefs because I thought that I wanted to be with this person so badly... because I wanted a relationship. I enjoyed feeling wanted. This was a one-way street that didn’t lead to anywhere. I was left out in the cold, lonelier than before. It took me months to truly believe that love still existed- because I know now that whatever I had with this guy, and the guys after, was NOT love.

All I know is that I wanted to feel something. I wanted to feel ALIVE, I wanted to feel appreciated, I wanted to feel true love. And the crazy thing is that I know what true love is and feels like, but I turned to the world for the answers I already knew I had. I had the One who was love and gave His own life not just for me, but for every person reading and not reading this post. I had my mother, who has gone and will go to the ends of the earth for me. I’ve experienced true love in many different ways, from family to friends, I just had this crazy idea thinking that it wasn’t enough. I felt as if I needed more.

Now we know that the power of sex is overwhelming, so overwhelming that it affects our daily lives. From movies to music to ads to apps, we’re surrounded by sex 24/7. My teenage sister probably knows the lyrics to WAP better than I do, a song that’s been on the top of the charts for WEEKS- maybe months, I haven’t kept track. We see that as female empowerment in today’s society, kudos no doubt, but what are we looking at again? SEX! It feels good! Physical touch, attention, a short moment of a powerful release with whomever we desire, leading to polyamory, experimenting with different genders, etc. Now have you been fulfilled? Are you fulfilled? You felt “love” for the time being, am I right? I know that person, or those people, made you smile. I know you either felt really good or really awful afterwards. Sex is the one most intimate and close-knit act that you can ever perform with another person, that’s why everyone’s doing it! You want that high, you want that feeling, you want that closeness. Then, if you’re not really attached to that person, it’s as if it wasn’t a big deal. Mainstream society paints sex as something “really great, but not a big deal”. I can’t force you to prioritize what sex is on your list of importance, but I know what it’s like to scroll in search of another person for satisfaction. We don’t really analyze it, but we already know that you’re either inside of someone or someone is inside you. Believe it or not, whether you remember them or not, you carry a spiritual piece of them with you wherever you go.

I’ve learned that a lot of people’s experience with sex and love are different. Many have had their hearts broken after being in long-term relationships and go through this thing of what society calls a “hoe phase”. Like in a lot of songs you hear “f*** love, now I do what I want”, because all this energy spent on another person was deemed a waste of time. It’s our version of love that has ultimately let us down, to the point where we see that we don’t need anyone wasting our time the way someone else did before. I can’t speak from a full amount of experience, but I know what running around with someone for a brief moment of time is like. When it’s over, there’s a little dead-end sign that we hit, no matter how good or bad the experience. We just become less and less numb to the pain of rejection and discord and disagreement with each encounter we face. We have people out there that simply don’t see value in a long-term relationship. They want to love who they want to love without baggage or complications. They want that sense of freedom; it’s their God-given right. On a religious standpoint, serial-monogamists cannot stand being alone. They need to feel that sense of belonging with someone else, jumping from one failed relationship to the next.

Did we go wrong somewhere? From ghosting to who can care the least to casual intimacy... I want to know if we really are fulfilled. I don’t have all the answers, I don’t think I ever will. I can tell you I’ve honed in on people’s flaws when it comes to love and have made mistakes myself. Trust and vulnerability have gone out the window because “it makes us look weak”. In my opinion, being vulnerable and open are a couple of the strongest traits to have. It makes you real, it makes you human.

No, I’ve never experienced that kind of physical intimacy with anyone. Yes, I’m still super happy. It’s not even happiness, it’s joy.

I don’t expect everyone to agree with where I stand, but I’m going to share why I choose true love over everything else in today’s millennial/centennial society. The idea of sex is awesome, amazing, and I know why people are all about it. Sex is nothing to be ashamed of. I know the One who designed it, He’s pretty great, too. I know how powerful it is, and I know how it gives life new meaning. I’ve decided not to be selfish when it comes to sex. I don’t expect it to be perfect and breathtaking the first time, or the seventh time... but I expect it to be with someone I absolutely love. I expect to make mistakes, I don’t expect him to live his life the way I chose to live mine. I don’t have high expectations, but I expect to have love. You deserve that kind of love, too.

TLDR; Everyone wants to have a someone. Everyone wants to have... someone. Everyone deserves someone. Someone that makes them smile, makes them feel important, appreciated, in that way that only they can provide. Remember to do those things for yourself first before expecting it from another- but most importantly, consider being that person for someone else. Be vulnerable, be open, be honest, show that you care. Because down the road, if things take a turn for the worst, you won’t forget who you are, who you were designed to be, and how much you are loved. Your worth doesn’t deteriorate. The physical will always have its perks, but it’s the warmth of the soul that makes the most impact, I promise.

PS: I answered the question by saying right now I may want the D, but in reality I truly want love.

[thethousandyearwitch]

The Show Must Go On! - A Youtuber AU you didn’t want and didn’t need

Hisoka Morrow, italian Makeup Youtuber, enjoys his life in the comfort and occasional drama of his profession. But nothing brings more drama into his life than the eldest son of the Zoldyck fashion magazine empire.

Meanwhile, aspiring australian Twitch Streamer Gon Freecs forms a special bond to a Speedrunner commonly going by "Kil".

Chapter 2

FF.net link - AO3 link

Gon Freecs had started his twitch account mostly for fun. After he had saved enough of his money from summer jobs to afford a computer for himself, the young boy had discovered the vast world of video games, diving headfirst into whatever flash games or free steam games he could (Until Mito caved and gave him some redeemable online gift cards as a present). Pretty quickly he started making connections over some of those games, getting invited to discord groupchats, and developing friendships with people he’d frequently play with.

One Day, his friend Leorio, a medical student from France who Gon had met through one of those groupchats, asked if he wanted to join his Sunday Stream. He explained that they’d just team up for a couple of rounds of Fortnite, and Gon could leave whenever he wanted to if he ended up not liking the Twitch experience. Leorio did not admit to the fact that he only asked Gon because his usual partner bailed due to a bad hangover, and he himself was too hungover to manage a stream by himself. This resulted in a lively evening filled with banter, excited yelling, and only minor technical difficulties considering Gons location further out in the country. Leorio ended the stream, thanking his viewers, signing off, but he stayed on call with Gon.

“Thanks so much for jumping in today, I owe you!” His French accent wasn’t too thick, but it still curled around his words.  

“Its no problem! It was actually pretty fun, so if you ever need another stream-pal...” The young boy trailed off as he started to feel faint traces of sleepiness creeping up on him. His computer screen was the only light on in the room, and it wasn’t exactly gentle on his eyes.

“About that actually; Have you thought about trying to stream for yourself?”

“Huh?” Gon could hear the tell-tale creaking of Leorios chair as he reclined back. “I mean, you’ve definitely got the energy for it, you’re not half bad at playing video games; Though that’s not really a requirement...Point is, I think you’d have fun with it.” Gon let the thought of it roll around his mind like a marble. He did have a lot of fun livestreaming this once, and there wasn’t anything that exactly spoke against it, except maybe that his sleep schedule could suffer under it. But that may as well be expected of a boy his age.

“Do you think people would really come to watch me play video games?” He finally asked, voice lined more with curiosity rather than insecurity. “Are you kidding? My chat loved you! Everyone loves a cute kid whose always one victory royale away from changing his legal name into his gamer tag and develop an addiction to monster energy.” Gon giggled in reply, “I’m not even allowed to drink those.” “Thank God you aren’t, if you had any more energy than you already have, you’d probably explode on the spot. Those things are loaded with junk anyways.” Gon decided not to bring up the infamous Redbull-pyramid that always lingered in the corner of Leorios videos. He could always use that another time if Leorio tried to lecture him about healthy living habits.

“Well, I guess I could try it out this week…But I think I’d need a guide to help me set the whole thing up…” Gon grinned to himself, hearing the familiar creaking again as Leorio sat up straight on the other end.

“I mean, I did say I owe you, and who would I be to leave a kid struggling with modern technology. And since my chat seemed to love you, I may even host your first stream, get you some exposure, y’know?” Mission success, Gon fed into Leorios ego and ensured that he wouldn’t have to struggle with stream setup by himself. He was quite thankful for the older mans (by stretch of that word) help and friendship, almost like an older brother, switching between caring protectiveness and friendly torment.

“Now, isn’t it time for you to get some shut-eye?” Busted. Gon glanced at the clock in the corner of his screen, 12:13 am. They said their Goodbyes, and the young boy settled into bed almost as quickly as he fell asleep.

The coming week, as promised, Leorio had helped Gon figure out his stream setup, settling for his channel name ‘Foxbeargaming’. With each passing day and conversation about the topic, Gon felt the static inside him build up, excitement and anticipation mixing in his bloodstream, until that long-awaited Friday.

And it was worth that wait. Gon spend a good 3 hours that day streaming Fortnite, at first in Teams with Leorio and his usual stream-pal Zepile, and later a few single matches. He hadn’t even realized how easy it came to him to interact with chat, leisurely talking about what came to mind, joking about events in the game, and just basking in this new way of releasing his bubbly energy. Leorio had warned him that he may feel exhausted after the first stream, but that’s not at all what the young boy experienced; After turning everything off, he was still beaming with joy. When he nestled into bed, he curled to his side, trying to repress his smile, though it would still take a good hour before he had calmed down enough to drift to sleep.

That joy he had experienced was enough to drive him to continue to stream at least once every 5 days, not consistent enough to build a schedule, but often enough to slowly gather a fanbase, loyal viewers who started tuning in whenever he announced a stream. It took a couple of months before people started posting his stream highlights to YouTube, and after that only a few weeks before someone offered to do official edits for him, on his own YouTube channel. A YouTube channel ended up drawing even more attention to him, people in Twitch-chat mentioning they found him through compilations and highlights.

Of the people whose attention was caught by the bright faced boy, one appeared for the first time in chat while he was streaming Super Mario 64, a palate cleanser from his usual Fortnite streams. The first message had been inconspicuous enough, provoking, but not too much out of the ordinary.

“KilCat666: try a BLJ lol”  

This however prompted Gon's entire chat to egg him on to try various speedrun tactics, until the rest of the stream was spent attempting (and failing) a “Lobby Backwards Long Jump”. Gon took it well and promised chat that if they wanted to he’d try to practice again on the next stream, asking for tips in his Discord chat. Speedrunning wasn’t really his way of playing games, he was too impatient and would rather experience the game as intended, but it shook things up, and was a surprisingly great way to regain focus after playing a different game for too long. Soon enough, the Server started bubbling with tutorials, tips, and heated discussions about optimal routes. Gon read through the chat, enjoying how everyone seemed to get into the topic, while also mourning his dwindling attention span as more and more messages came in. With the overflow of information, his brain felt like it was thrown into a deep fryer (Though maybe he was just hungry). Defeated, he dropped his head on his desk. Maybe he bit off more than he could chew. How was he supposed to take all this information in and actually learn it in time for the next stream? This was worse than school. Maybe he should ju-

Bloop.

Gon raised his head from his desk, greeted by a new private message. It wasn’t anyone from his friends-list, but that wasn’t too unusual, a lot of people from his Server would DM him, and he didn’t mind talking with anyone who had something to say to him.

“Kil: Yo.”

“Kil: do you need like help with SM64 lol”

The young boy adjusted his tired eyes to the screen, trying to find recognition into the profile picture of a white cat, but not finding it.

“GON: Hi!! :^D I’m taking tips right now if you have any!”

“Kil: your inputs were really sloppy lol”

Ouch, though true.

“Kil: but you’ve got morale at least”

“Kil: I made a short guide on my channel, if u wanna check it out?”

Attached to the last message was a link to a YouTube video, and just as announced, it was a eight minute tutorial on “LBLJ”, with text overlay explaining the various steps. What stood out more to Gon however, was the view and subscriber count to the Channel ‘Kilcat666’. After scrolling through the channel a bit more, and following another link to an adjacent Twitch channel with the same name, it dawned on him; This guy was a pro.

“GON: WOW :^O you are really good at this!!!!”

For a while, Gon thought that’s it. He browsed through a couple more of this kid’s videos. He was usually just referred to as ‘Kil’ or in rare instances ‘Killu’, and there wasn’t much on him as a person, just a short bio: “Kil, 14, him/his, Yorkshire area. SM64 0 Star contender.”. His streams of attempting to break the World record for any given game got a reasonable amount of viewers, with a steady fanbase that would spam inside jokes and cat emojis in chat. And in no single video did he ever show his face, or even speak. The only real communication he seemed to do with his audience was the occasional answer in chat, or text-overlays in his YouTube videos. Gon thought about how he was a little honoured to have another well known streamer actually give him advice and watch his stuff, though obviously it seemed that Kil wasn’t interested in keeping more in conta-

Bloop.

“Kil: Thanks uh, if you’d want to, we could like make a deal?”

“GON: What kind of deal? :^O”

“Kil: I could show you some tricks for casual speedrunning”

“Kil: And maybe if you want to you could show me how to get better at fortnite lol”

Gon was beaming. He wasn’t sure why, but he was grinning from ear to ear, and it didn’t even register to himself that he was already typing up a response until he hit the enter button.

“GON: Sure!!!!!! :^D!!!! Have you ever played before? We can team up with a friend of mine for the first couple rounds!”

  Killua was never a child with many friends. Or any friends. Growing up sheltered by his family, with the mindset of one day inheriting a multimillion-dollar company, it was taught to him that acquaintances were convenient, friends were distractions.

When he got pulled out of school and put into home-schooling, it was because his friends at school were distractions.

When he snuck out to play with other kids in the country, he was placed on supervised house arrest, because he had been too distracted.

When he noticed his brother appearing in some weirdos YouTube video, he had to be told “That man is not my friend, he is a work associate.”

And like a drop of water can gradually tear through stone, the constant echoing of this rule tore through Killuas head. He still didn’t want to overtake the family legacy, but he knew better than to endanger others with his efforts of finding friendship. Instead, he decided to find solitary distractions, and found those in video games he first borrowed (or rather, took without being noticed) from his older brother. Gradually, he got more and more invested in video games, how they work, and the cultures surrounding them. That is how he found out about Speedrunning and streaming. Speedrunning was fascinating to the young boy. The effort to clear a game as fast as possible, faster than anyone else, past all supposed limitations a game would present casual players with. Specific tricks would look messy and incoherent to untrained eyes, but the hidden inputs were mechanical and exact. This is a distraction worth investing in.

At first, he didn’t care much about streaming or even recording his attempts. However, as he was slowly approaching Regional and World Records, there was hardly a way around it if he wanted to get verified records published. So, he started a Twitch Account, opting to go for his shortened name “Kil”, a half-assed attempt at keeping his family off of his tail. And as his collection of Top-3 Records grew, so did his audience when he was streaming attempts. When he got used enough to a game, he learned how to read chat while playing, even occasionally taking the time to answer questions, followed by a wave of excited cat emotes.

These are not friends, they are fans.

If he could continue to justify this, keep these people at a distance from him, it would be fine. Minimal interaction. No attachment. Easy enough.

It should have been easy enough.

But when he went through active play sessions of Super Mario 64 on Twitch, and he chose to tune into the first stream that popped up, it stopped being easy. It stopped being easy when he found himself laughing along with the cheery voice of the young streamer.

He wasn’t sure what he expected when he sent that first discord message. A small part of him hoped that this Gon kid wouldn’t reply. That way he could have just written him off as some vain lowtier streamer who isn’t worth Killuas time.

But of course he replied. And of course he would reply so kindly despite being contacted by a random stranger. Killua could feel something pull in his chest writing back and forth with Gon. This was just friendly- no. This was normal banter between two streamers who were exchanging helpful information. Two young, up-and-coming professionals in video game streaming, who can communicate like professionals.

Like work associates.

Work associates help each other out. They make deals. So, it would be okay if Killua would make a deal with Gon. Maybe get to know him in the progress, just a little, just enough to get a sense of his personality.

The pull in Killuas chest subsided when Gon agreed to his deal. But it would come back the first time they were on a call together, the first time Killua let someone else online hear his voice, hushed through a shitty in-ear cable headset, careful that he wouldn’t draw attention if someone were to walk past his room. And it subsided again when he heard Gon laugh at every bad joke he’d tell, loosened even more when he let himself laugh with him. Gon would try his best to follow any instructions he’d been given to learn speedrun strategies, and in turn Killua would let himself be guided through fortnite battles and aim-lessons. They worked well together, as if they had known each other for years, falling into a natural rhythm of jokes and casual conversation. This rhythm would continue for weeks, always coordinating when to call, taking turns with the games they would play.

Slowly, they started branching out to more games to play with each other. Slowly, Gon introduced Killua to his friends. Slowly, Killua got used to speaking on stream, just so Gon and he could guest-star on each other’s streams.

Through this gradual process, Killua felt like he was trapped in a pot of water, and the heat was being turned up just slow enough that he wouldn’t notice until its too late. Until the pull in his chest would threaten to tear him apart.

And then it did, as his mother raised her voice at the breakfast table, “You’ve been spending an awful lot of time on your Computer, Killua.”

“So is Milluki.” He tried to keep his voice unwavering, desperately trying to keep all of these gathered secrets behind it.

“We are just concerned of what you are doing on there; The internet has a lot of dangerous sides..” Kikyo Zoldyck was awfully good at turning her voice into a wail at any given time. Killua could feel his phone in his pocket vibrate from what he was sure was a message from Gon.

“..Maybe we should put some restriction on your use of it. Before it can start distracting you.”

[wildlyminiaturesandwich]

Do you have pcos? or any kind of health problem that makes it hard for you to lose weight? I'm just curious, don't answer it if you don't feel comfortable

Ok so I got a couple messages asking this same thing, as well as people suggesting that “just lose weight and then try again”, so I’m gonna put a bunch of information (and I mean A BUNCH of information) under a cut here that explains everything and why “just losing weight” isn’t a solution nor is it the problem. Like, at all.

If you don’t want to read all of this, you really don’t have to. There’s a TL;DR at the bottom and I wouldn’t blame you for just scrolling straight there and skipping my rant lol

I don’t have PCOS, no, my weight is mostly a “side effect” of my mental health and years of trying different medications to help with that. Just in case some people aren’t aware, two of the most common side effects of anti-depressants are increased appetite and weight gain. That coupled with one of the two most common symptoms of chronic depression — lack of energy and motivation — means that over the years I’ve slowly put on weight.

Even though every doctor insists on telling me I’m overweight and need to lose weight as though I’m completely oblivious to my own body and such an idea as losing weight has never occurred to me before, I have in fact tried to lose weight many many times over the years with very little success no matter how healthily I ate and how much I exercised. The only time I have ever had success was back in my 20s when I switched to a gluten and dairy free diet to try to fix another issues I was having with my gut. This is why, in the past few weeks, Mr Sandwich and I have been slowly switching our diets to be gluten and dairy free.

BUT even though I am doing that, and exercising as much as I can with my limited energy, it’s not enough. I can lose weight, sure, but I can’t lose enough weight quickly (and safely) enough to be able to do IVF, which I’ll get to in a minute. So it’s not always as simple as “just lose weight”, everyone is different and despite what most people think, a lot of overweight people don’t chose to be that way. Why anyone would think that is beyond me, but a lot of people do and because of this you get people treating fat people as less than human, as though we’re not worthy of any kindness or sympathy because obviously we had to have done this to ourselves, right?

This is also why I get so annoyed when people equate being overweight to being unhealthy. The whole “overweight people are twice as likely to die early” bullshit is nonsense! Sure sometimes it’s the case, but not always. I am not medically unhealthy at all. Apart from being unable to conceive and my mental health issues, neither of which are a symptom or side effect of my weight, I am actually perfectly healthy. Over the past few years I’ve had every test anyone could come up with to try to find out why I wasn’t falling pregnant and that includes things like liver, kidney and thyroid function, cholesterol, diabetes and blood sugar tests, blood pressure, the list goes on. Everything everyone always associates with fat people, all of it was tested, and everything came back perfectly normal. I had a doctor literally say to me “If I hadn’t seen you in person, I would never have known you were overweight based on these results”, which just goes to show you how biased even doctors can be.

Warning: If you don’t wanna learn some interesting stuff about fertility and reproduction, don’t read any further.

So why am I trying IVF if I’m healthy?

Fun fact: When a woman talks about her “biological clock” ticking, it’s not even a joke; a woman’s biological clock is like a clock counting down from the moment she’s born… or maybe it’s more like an hourglass? Either way, unlike men, who can produce viable sperm from the time they hit puberty until the day they die, women have all the eggs they will every have in their entire life already tucked away in their tiny little ovaries from the moment they form as a fetus. That ovarian reserve starts at around 6-7 million follicles during the fetal stage, by the time that new baby girl is born that number has already dropped to 1 million, and by the time she hits puberty she’s only got about 300,000 left. Of those 300,000, only about 300-400 will be ovulated during her entire lifespan. That number obviously continues to decrease when a woman ovulates each month right up until they run out and that is when the woman will go through menopause, and there is no way to raise that amount either. Once the eggs run out, that’s it, there’s no more. Pretty grim huh?

By my age (35), a women with perfect reproductive health will have an AMH (Anti-Müllerian hormone, essentially an indicator of how many eggs you have) level of around 5.1 pmol/L (2.3 ng/mL) but for some reason, my ovaries seem to think I’m actually50. My AMH level is 0.3 pmol/L (0.1 ng/mL), which is considered EXTREMELY low and essentially what that means is I will never be able to conceive naturally. My only chance to conceive and carry my own biological child will be through IVF.

Now, it’s super important to note that low AMH has absolutely nothing to do with weight. There are a lot of different reasons that AMH levels can be low and they could be anything from hormone imbalance to a side effect of cancer treatments, from smoking to mumps. My hormones are normal, I’ve never had cancer or mumps, and I don’t smoke; in my case, it’s most likely due to constant and severe amounts of stress (like years and years of it). But seeing as there’s no medical way to test that, the cause of my low AMH has been deemed by my doctor as idiopathic (unknown). So while weight does have some affect on conceiving naturally, in my case it wouldn’t matter how much I weighed because my AMH level would still be low even if I wasn’t overweight.

In Australia, there are these wonderful things called Low Cost or Bulk Bill IVF clinics. At a private IVF clinic you’d be looking at about $10-15k (Aussie dollars) a cycle for IVF, but at a bulk bill clinic they can charge as little as $800! Unfortunately at these low cost clinics you’re not able to chose your doctor either, you just get whoever is available so that’s a problem too. But the way they’re able to keep costs low is a combination of Medicare rebates (Australia’s free health care system) and the fact that they don’t use full sedation during egg collection which costs a buttload of money because anesthetic. They use a combination of local anesthetic and twilight sedation, which means lower cost for the patient, it’s win win… unless you’re overweight. For reasons I have yet to figure out — because not a single clinic can come up with any reason every time I ask — most clinics demand you be under a certain weight before they’ll treat you. I’m not going to tell you my exact weight but it’s not anywhere near this stupid limit.

Another fun fact: This weight limit is non-existent in private clinics but I don’t have, nor could I get, $10-15k. The fertility specialist I spoke to yesterday also suggest bariatric (lap band) surgery as though that were an actual viable option. Like, listen lady, if I had the money for that (anywhere between $5-20k), don’t you think I would be using that to go to a fat-friendly private clinic instead of talking to your rude arse at a low cost clinic?! 

This all brings me back to the TL;DR of it:

Here’s the problem I’m facing. A year ago when my AMH (egg supply) was tested it was 1.4 pmol/L (0.6 ng/mL), which was already very low then, but it’s dropped down to 0.3 pmol/L in a little over a year, so at that rate I’m going to run out of eggs and be hitting early menopause most likely before the end of the year. At 35 years old.

Merry Christmas to me.

This has nothing AT ALL to do with my weight but for some reason these IVF clinics have a weight limit and there is absolutely no way I can lose enough weight (safely and healthily) before I run out of eggs, hence why I’m so mad. Even if I had barbaric surgery it still wouldn’t be enough time! None of these stupid clinics give a shit about that, all they keep saying is “lose weight and then come back to us”, as though I have all the time in the world!

My only options now are to a) rob a bank and take my fat arse to a private clinic. b) rob a bank, get myself some bariatric surgery and take a buttload of speed to lose weight SUPER fast, and then take myself to a low cost clinic. c) rob a bank and use the money to buy a baby. Or d) continue to do as I’ve been doing and will continue to do regardless of what happens and that’s lose weight the safe and healthy way and run out of eggs while I’m at it.

Last fun fact of the post: All of this could have been avoided had my stupid GP tested my AMH levels 5 YEARS AGO when I asked him to! It would have been low then as well but not as low so I would have had more time AND back then I would have just scrapped in under the ridiculous weight limit!

/rant

[blodreina-noumou]

6x10 - The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

It’s been awhile! Real life got crazy. I have a small pause before some more craziness this weekend, so I was able to watch the show in a more timely manner this week. Here’s my thoughts on the episode, rated from best to worst, and under a cut, to save some scrolling, ‘cause it’s long:

The Good

I personally think the performances this season have been top-notch. While I haven’t found all of the shifts in personality super believable (more on that later,) the actors are working their asses off to sell it. Just comparing this season to season one or two, there’s been such immense growth, across the board. Bob, Marie, Lola, and especially Eliza were all incredible in this episode. Richard and Lindsey did so much with what little they were given. The dude who plays Gabriel really worked well with Eliza in making that final conversation between him and Josephine emotionally meaningful. This is such a great cast, I really love them, and it’s been fun to watch them go to such absurd extremes this season.

“If you want to avoid hell, the answer isn’t immortality. It’s morality.” I love my Raven/Cockroach BroTP forever.

Raven finally being given something to do outside of (mostly rightfully, imo) judging everyone was really refreshing. I’m excited to see her save Madi. It always truly comes down to her saving the day, and I’ll admit I love to see her kick ass and take names on an intellectual level.

I found the C (or D?) plot of the Null who realized the Primes weren’t gods really compelling, and sad. It was hard to watch him burn. I know our heroes are under a time limit, and they sort of accepted that the Null wasn’t one of “theirs,” so that’s why they just turned away and did nothing to help him, but yikes - I don’t know how they could stomach leaving an ally to just brutally die that way. I know he killed Simone, which kind of landed them on all the stakes in the first place, but still. That being said, that scene was clearly intended to show that the society in Sanctum is collapsing - all of their people literally turned away from the explicit violence in horror/disgust. They aren’t used to it, with their daily Tai Chi, and their occasional Harvesting Time Raves, so I definitely think his death was meant to signal the final straw for the people of Sanctum. They just have no idea how to rise up - I think it’s gonna take some help from Spacekru to get them there.

I pretty much loved her before this, but now it’s been fully solidified. Josephine is definitely one of the best villains to come out of this show in a long time. Her banter with and about Clarke, - “believe it or not, we’re actually friends!” - her late game attempts to save her own life/her control over Clarke’s body, and especially all those humanizing memories and moments we got as she was dying. It was some really great writing and acting from all involved. I’m not sure if she’s gone for good - her mind drive is still intact, it’s just a question of whether or not Gabriel will allow Bellamy to use it to bargain for his people back. Of course, his people have a plan of their own now, and maybe they’ll manage to save themselves! But this is The 100, and we know nothing ever goes as planned.

The Bad

Be//arke. Ugh. I won’t salt too much. I’m very happy for my fandom friends who ship them and were able to see such a rewarding episode, in that regard. It was well-written, for what it was - I’ve always found the head/heart thing a bit corny, but they did something very literal with it, which was a surprise. We’ll see where they take it from here, and how they factor in Bellamy’s loving, loyal, and far-too-shit-upon girlfriend, who has been working her ass off to protect their family without him, while he runs off to save exactly one (1) person, who previously had his family tortured and left him to die in a fighting pit, like, two weeks ago. I don’t have high hopes for being super happy with however they choose to handle it. I just hope Echo survives.

I get it, I know why, but I hated the way Bellamy greeted Octavia. I know next episode will be them actually hashing it out, because they’ll have to work together. But that stiff, awkward hug was so painful, especially knowing that the only reason Clarke survived long enough for Bellamy to save the day was because Octavia and Gabriel had saved her from the vines. 

Speaking of which - those vines in that lil observation blind worked fast compared to the slow, painful death we’ve seen in every other situation where someone was “given to the forest.” Or were those tree roots that were in earlier episodes, and these vines are something different? Does all the ground vegetation just try to eat/kill you if you lay down for too long?

I wanted to care more about nearly half of the cast nearly getting sacrificed. It included many of my faves, so I’m not sure why those scenes fell flat for me.

The Ugly

Echo Deserves Better!!! She was fully prepared to do anything to save her family, and then she gets knocked out before she can actually help them, and goes out thinking they’re all about to die!! This was like, the worst episode for her. And with the way Be//arke went, I can just feel some sort of self-sacrificing break-up coming from her side of the equation. Is it too much to hope there’ll be some super progressive polyamorous solution? Almost definitely. Idk man, I’m just so grumpy about it, I barely want to go into it. Give her a better romance, a better storyline, a better damn show.

I enjoyed Octavia’s mindspace episode, and I know she went through a significant change. Marie’s doing a lot to sell it. It’s still hard to swallow that Octavia has magically reverted to her like, 17-year-old self. I wanted her to overcome her darkness. I didn’t want it to happen through the closest thing to actual magic this show has ever done. 6x10 was really great, in some ways, because we can see that’s she’s on a brighter path, and she’s making decisions to save people and care about people that aren’t just about her or the ones she’s protecting, directly. It’s such a snap change, though. 

And with a season that included Abby just willpowering her way through opioid addiction, with zero signs of withdrawal or relapse, it all just doesn’t sit too well with me. A lot of this season has included some unearned shifts in character and motivation, and I feel like Abby’s has been one of the worst of all.

Overall, I enjoyed the episode, mostly. I’ll miss the Josephine/Clarke connection a lot! I think it was one of the most fun and interesting dynamics this season. Now, it’s time to deal with Sheidheda, and figure out how exactly NapKru is going to live peacefully on this planet - or if they even can.

[bitchsexuality]

@animaliae

ok first off i’m sorry i took so long to reply!! i’ve been busy in the most tedious way possible so my brain’s not exactly my best friend right now. second off: THANK U SO MUCH these were so fun to answer!!

i’m putting all of these in the same post because i started talking and i could not Shut The Up, and i think one atrociously long post is better than four long posts when it comes to like, scrollability. scrollpastability? scroll-Something. and putting it under a readmore too for the same reasons

SO, from top to bottom:

weirdest character idea for D-N-D:

it’s an idea i’ve already had because i can’t come up with anything right now dksjfgbd, but

once i made a druid for a D//N/D-based CRPG who only cast spells when they gave him something edible (in theory ofc, the game didn’t let me eat my summoned bears... thankfully...), so i ended up with nothing but goodberries and several animal summoning spells. then i proceeded to cheat my way through the game, which defeated the point sdfgsd, but it was still fun concept-wise

also made me spend too much time wondering if the entangle spell’s vines could be eaten. i mean you can’t eat the WHOLE thing but maybe you could like, munch on it a little, or try to slurp it up like a noodle. it wouldn’t be tasty, it wouldn’t be easy, and it most definitely would not be healthy, but it’s like. the principle of the thing 

if ur asking yourself WHY i did that… well there aren’t THAT many D/ND-based CRPGS out there and i’d already played that one —several times, in fact— so i wanted to try something different :0

i mean it’s not THAT weird tbh, but he’s the only OC i can think of right now that soooooort of fits? and my brain is like, a tundra of creativity at the moment. a deep tar pool that absorbs all inspiration and drags it, kicking and screaming, to its viscous doom. well you get the idea. or i hope you do because i sure fucking don’t

ideal ending for one of my characters:

hmmmm for like, original fiction characters i more or less have all their endings planned out? most of them ARE ideal because i am fully in control of their destinies and i am also a softhearted lidle bich who prefers stories with relatively uplifting/happy endings. or tbh even the ones that aren’t technically happy are still ideal in terms of character arcs, development, etc

(i might be giving myself way too much credit there though skdjgbdksjfg)

and —though this is super unlikely and mostly just me deceiving myself at this point— i do want to publish what i’m working on rn, so talking about endings would be a spoiler for something that does not exist and probably never will outside of my idiot fool head. so i’m gonna talk about an old OC that i’m not doing anything with anymore!

her name was elina and her entire deal was that she came from a family of very powerful witches who owned a, uh, i guess you could call it an archive? or a library?? idk, it was just an ABSURDLY large collection of magic-related books, and it pretty much contained all known arcane knowledge (though come think of it, “all known arcane knowledge” can’t have been THAT much because the archive was just one room. a huge fucking monster of a room yeah but like. still just One)

so anyway, her family members were very dutiful + responsible when it came to the archivelibraryroom thing, but they were also too traditional for her tastes? like they didn’t bother practicing/using magic, or experimenting, or looking for anything outside of books; they only cared about written things, and even then they did nothing but get the Very Important Books, put them in the archivelibraryroom and forget about them completely

then elina ran into a group of other magic-users who were investigating a weird phenomenon in her hometown, and she asked her family about it, but they essentially were like “oh if it doesn’t affect the books we don’t care lol anyway it’s your turn to clean the archivelibrary now”

but yeah i’m sure y’all can tell where this is going kjdfgbd elina was the typical YA protag in that she was super rebellious, so she turned her back on her family and left her house to help the group of inconveniently yet stereotypically teenage magic-users, made friends, learned about magic, blah blah blah

the issue is that i never gave that story an ending? like the closest thing to it was a vague “uhhhh elina goes back home to find the archivelibrary is burning down and pulls some kind of mysterious water magic out of her ass to save it; then her family apologizes, they begin to respect her and she stays with them to keep caring for the archivelibrary, But With A Progressive Twist”

the issue was that after writing around two chapters i realized i didn’t actually Have a plot, so i didn’t know what story that ending would be... ending... and since i couldn’t think of anything + i wasn’t THAT attached to the characters anyway i just gave up on it

but now that i’m thinking of it again, just for the sake of ending the Story That Never Was, i feel like making her earn the respect of her family just because she saved the books + proved she actually cares about that too is, idk, shallow? out of character? 

because she believed that her family’s fixation on history + Neatly Documented stuff was holding them back and making things worse for everyone. she left her home behind because her ideals re.: magic —that it should grow and change to fit the context + people’s needs, and not the other way around— were so strong

OOF THIS IS GETTING SO FUCKING LONG KSDJGB i’m just gonna stop here and say: elina’s new ideal ending is pretty much that while she ends up in friendly terms with her family —because, in spite of their fundamental disagreements, they never hurt her— she doesn’t go back home and chooses to travel around the world instead, helping people in whichever way possible and freely sharing her knowledge with anyone who’s willing to listen and, at the same time, learning from them

i mean, the concept’s not too original ksjdbg just something i thought of super quick, and that’s just a half-assed attempt at closure for an OC i made when i was like… 9

headcanons about my favs:

ok this one’s hard because i’m not into any like… fandom things right now? i haven’t found anything that rly interests me or that i could see myself being passionate about, which sucks because i do kinda miss being into stuff with Established Content :( 

so i’ve been focusing on my OCs + original stories and such. and i’m not sure if OC headcanons count as headcanons because i control canon so technically everything i come up with IS canon. then again it’s headcanon too because it’s a canon from my head because that’s where ideas come from. okay wait i’m not making any cents here x 

but uhh knowing me i might think of something right after publishing this, so if that happens i’ll come back and edit this post :0

also just saying but if any of y’all know of something i could get into then lmk, i’m open to suggestions! preferably free stuff though... i’m beset by capitalisms

a favorite scene that i loved:

i can’t remember any in particular right now, either from my #content or somebody else’s SDFKJGBDF god my mind 😔 well i mean i’m gonna be a little bit full of meself and say that i’ve written things that i really like, especially imagery-wise, but i Also want to publish those someday… like i’ve also written original/OC-related stuff that i don’t plan on publishing, but i’m not THAT proud of them tbh :/

i was —emphasis on was— trying to write a short story about jasna (one of my D-N/D OCs, a cleric of oghma) that never really went anywhere, but i did post a snippet on my OC blog, and that’s what i hate the least out of all my recent attempts at writing? so i’m just gonna put it here again ig sdfgs (not actually linking to the OC blog post because it’s kind of a mess rn, i need to fix the theme + clean it up a bit)

if you got this far and read all of this nonsensical verbal monster: i love u with all my heart and i would legitimately die for u.