#it's stupid i'm trying to break the habit lol

[henafton]

absolutely cannot believe that i spent like 5 years avoiding dayshift at freddy's like the plague only for it to be my hyperfixation in 2023 with extremely dated humor and memes

[kingkat12]

hickeys (roman godfrey x reader)

WARNINGS: 18+, mentions of sex, softcore-y smut, tw!bullying, Roman using his powers for no good, he's being so weird about virgin!reader, angsty fluff lol

summary: after having sacrificed your friendship with Letha for Roman's limited understanding of love and affection, you suddenly learn the consequences of your actions...

word count: 7,406 (you know me, not sorry anymore)

PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8

Roman had a hickey right on the side of his throat. Thankfully, I knew who gave him that one-- me.

It dawned on me that I had never seen him with one before. Despite how easy it was for me to get lost in the feelings of joy, finding a sense of pride at being the only one allowed to do that to him, I remembered Roman hadn't always been open to these sorts of things. He had warmed up to it gradually, with everything starting as a small incident at my place a week ago.

We had been splayed out on my bed, my face buried in his chest as I took a casual mid-day nap on top of him. It had become a habit-- Roman would come over, we'd bicker about something, then make out for about an hour until he decided to take his smoke break on my balcony. But today was different; the both of us had just finished a rather hard math test, so we were absolutely spent by the time we hit my bed. Roman didn't even have the energy to smoke, and seeing how tired he was, I decided to be bold and cuddle up to him; however, I hadn't expected us to fall asleep like this.

Weirdly enough, he didn't resist my advances. He'd usually start feeling uncomfortable as he wasn't used to affection like this, but today, Roman had his arms around me as I laid with my head on top of his chest. I had been a little embarrassed to wake up to the sight of a tiny puddle of my drool on his sweater, and I tapped the spot with my fingers as though that would make it go away.

Roman awoke, groggy. He let out a low grunt as he raised his head, trying to get a look at what I was doing. "Is that what I think it is?--"

"No," My words barely came out louder than a whisper, now covering the spot with my palm as I looked up at him with a soft smile. "Did you sleep well?"

Roman, being the stubborn asshole he was, didn't even register my question. "Did you drool on me?"

Oh God, this was mortifying. I figured he'd find out anyway; I slowly removed my hand from the spot, sliding off him. "Sorry..." As I rolled over, my back against the bed, I could only sigh. Being Roman's unofficial official girlfriend was hard, especially now that I didn't have any friends to discuss it with. 

However, there were moments where the hardships were worth it. Moments like these ones, where Roman now flipped over and unexpectedly snuggled up to me, his face hiding in the crook of my neck. "I've never been drooled on like that before," he said, his words muffled in my hair. "This is my favourite sweater."

With wary movements, I brought one hand up to his brown locks, gently stroking through them. I wasn't sure what the next sound from Roman was, but the closest thing would be a purr. "I'm sorry," I mumbled, my other hand running up and down his broad back. "Want me to buy you a new one?"

Roman huffed; "Don't be stupid. I'll just leave it in the washer here if you don't mind," 

"The washer?" My hands froze, no longer ghosting over his skin with gentle touches. "It will dry up in a second, Roman, get yourself together. And even worse, I might get the urge to wear it if you leave it here." I immediately regretted that joke the second it slipped past my lips-- in hopes of brushing over it, scared he'd climb off me and go back to being his usual self, I resumed running my fingers through his hair and up his back.

To my surprise, Roman didn't react much. The only thing I could notice was a rather shaky breath against my neck, almost as though he had just had a really tempting thought. Eventually, he spoke; "It wouldn't fit you very well,"

I did my best to shrug, although that was hard to do with someone on top of me. "That's not the premise," I huffed. "People usually wear each others' stuff when they're into one another. It's a cute thing."

"... So you'd want me to leave my sweater here?" Roman eventually propped himself up on his elbows, meeting my gaze. "Why? It's not like you'd be able to wear it anywhere."

It was in moments like these that I realized how little Roman actually knew about girls. He was supposedly very good in bed, but with feelings and affection? He was like a very aggressive puppy with gorgeous fur-- some men you simply have to train to be soft. "I'd wear it at home," I said, reaching out to brush his messed up hair away from his green eyes. "Especially when it's stormy outside and I'm doing my homework."

Something about my words seemed to be leaving small cracks in Roman's shell-- had I not been so observant, I wouldn't have noticed the way his pupils dilated or the way his features softened as he looked at me. "Would it be a one-way thing?" he asked; was I imagining things, or did he sound shy? "You get my sweater, and I get..."  Roman propped himself up further, taking a quick glance around my room. It didn't take long before his eyes landed on the plain, black hair ties on my nightstand, and he wasted no time reaching for two in one go. "I get these."

Seeing him so serious about this exchange was too funny-- I couldn't help the giggle building in my chest, suppressing a rather obnoxious laugh. "Yeah, I think that's smart," I murmured, stroking my thumb over his cheek. "Your hair is getting a little long... Would probably make your life easier."

Roman rolled his eyes, huffing. "It's not exactly like you have anything else lying around here!"

There was no way in hell I was about to tell him that my room was this clean because I had predicted he'd come over. "Okay, but it still works," I reached for his hand, taking the ties into my palm before rolling them over his fingers, watching as the rubber bands now sat comfortably at his wrist. "There you go!" I exclaimed, beaming up at a rather perplexed Roman. "Sweater, please."

It took a few seconds for him to react-- his eyes fixated on the black rubber ties around his wrist, and before I knew it, I saw slivers of pink appearing on his cheeks. I had never seen him react to anything like this before, and I had no idea why Roman was suddenly unmistakably blushing. "Fuck," he breathed. "That's cute." 

To hide his blush, he quickly wried his sweater off his body, throwing it away on a chair nearby before burying his face in the crook of my neck again, putting his whole weight back on me. "Promise to use it for dirty stuff too," he grumbled, probably to save face, before pressing a kiss to my neck. 

I was happy Roman didn't see how brightly I was smiling-- I would've been told off immediately, and he'd most likely retract right back into his shell. It was unusual for him to accept any sort of affection, and I wondered whether he had let anyone this close before. The more I got to know Roman, the more he was sleepy and babbling around me, I realized that I had to gradually ease physical kindness into his life to make our weird whatever-ship work. 

The whatever-ship I had sacrificed everything for.

And I would've spiraled deeper into thoughts about it, but the sudden pressure I felt against my neck made me snap out of it-- I realized he was giving me a rather hefty hickey, a familiar tingling sensation coursing its way through my body. I let out a satisfied sigh, my fingers burying themselves deeper into Roman's hair as he moved elsewhere on my neck to make a second one. "These will go well with the sweater," he purred against my skin.

I held back a shiver-- The hate I had once felt for him had quickly turned into whatever this was. All I knew, was that it felt good enough to distract me from the guilt that kept gnawing at me after betraying Letha the way I did. ｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

The next day at school actually marked a month since the last time Letha and I had spoken on the bleachers. A month of staring at her longingly from afar like a kicked puppy and asking our mutual friends how she was. It didn't take long before they all heard what had happened between Roman and I, and they suddenly became Letha's friends only.

I didn't know how lonely I would be after I chose Roman, and it was slowly breaking my heart. Being blacklisted by nearly all the girls at school was tough, to say the least. 

So as I rummaged around my locker, getting ready for my next class, I didn't expect Letha to approach. There was no way I could imagine she'd do that, especially after the way she had been denying all my attempts of reconciliation. But here she was, blonde hair styled to perfection, and her green, stern eyes meeting mine the second I closed my locker door.

I stared right back, at a loss for words despite opening my mouth to speak. 

Letha cleared her throat, pressing her books tightly against her chest. "It's been a month," she tried, something about her softening with the weight of her words. "I think I might be ready to... talk."

My heart jumped up like never before, immediately thrown into a feeling of ecstatic victory. "What?" I squeaked, unable to stop my beaming look of joy. "Are you serious?" 

Letha shrugged, biting the inside of her cheek to suppress her smile. "I think it's time to try, at least?--" Her words came to a halt the second I turned to face her fully, and her green eyes immediately found my neck. 

My hair had moved to behind my shoulders as I turned around, revealing the hickeys I had tried my best to cover with setting powder and foundation. It didn't take long before Letha's softening look became one of horror as she took a step back, clearly repulsed.

I immediately went into panic, piecing it together. "No, Letha, wait!--"

There was no stopping Letha before she turned on her heel, bolting down the corridor with heavy steps. 

I turned back towards my locker, pressing my forehead against it. There was no way in hell I'd let everyone see me cry in public again. It felt as though Letha had dug her hand into my chest and ripped out my heart, now squeezing it until it finally popped. My breath hitched as I stepped away from the locker, sniffling as I felt a sob build.

Just as I was about to leave and get to class somehow, the familiar scent of cinnamon entered my system. "What did Letha want?" Roman asked, his hands tucked into his pockets as he approached. His brows were drawn together in a disapproving look as he watched Letha disappear down the hallway in unmatched hurry, and I got a good glance at him when I finally turned around to face him. How long had he been watching me from afar?

Roman's glare quickly faded away when his attention shifted and he noticed the way my eyes had glossed over. His whole tough look disappeared within a sliver of a second, and I was unsure whether he noticed it himself. "... Nothing good, I see?"

I shied away from his gaze, my eyes darting down to my shoes. "She wanted to make up all until she saw... well," To demonstrate, I turned a little, showing Roman the once blank canvas which was now covered in about six hickeys that I counted last night. It was clear to me that my attempt at hiding them had failed.

Roman could only sigh, an infuriating grin now spreading across his face. "I'm going to say sorry now, but know that I don't fully mean it because... the sight of you like this is so damn hot," He leaned down, pressing his lips against my forehead as he took my face into his hands. I couldn't help but notice that he was still wearing my two black rubber bands just as my breath hitched at the loving gesture.

Something about the kiss made my heart skip, but another part was ripping at me; Roman clearly cared more about the fact that he had marked me than how upset I was. I hummed in response, not knowing what else to say before much later; "Don't do that,"

"Do what?"

"Don't kiss me like that," I mumbled, pressing my back against my locker to make as much space between us as possible. "Just... Don't." 

Roman's first reaction was on display with a stunned expression, up until his brows drew together in what I could only read as annoyance. "Fine," he said, teeth gritted. His hands fell down at his sides, trying to save face as he took a step away from me; "I'm just trying to make you feel a little better, it's not that fucking deep." In true Godfrey fashion, he also proceeded to storm down the hallway, clearly flustered after being shut down.

I had to take a long breath-- this was a lot to take in for one day. Roman being in denial about his feelings also didn't help much. I wanted to run after him, grab his hand and tell him that he could do absolutely whatever he wanted with me, that I'd love for him to kiss me like that once more, but I knew I couldn't.

It was hard to believe how badly I had fallen for a guy who could barely regulate his own feelings. Someone who insisted on making it apparent to everyone that I was his without actually wanting to put a name to it. I let out a sigh, watching Roman get further and further away. Something told me I maybe should've followed him, at least asked him whether he wanted to come to my place later and sleep next to each other, but my plans quickly fell apart when I witnessed the one thing I hated seeing most in the world.

In the midst of his angry storm-off, Roman managed to turn his head to allow for his eyes to follow a girl with an exceptionally short skirt passing him by. 

I wanted to throw up-- the hungry look in his eyes made me nauseous. Everything about Roman looking at someone in the way he usually looked at me made me want to burst into tears all over again. 

No matter what I felt for him, one thing would never change; I hated Roman Godfrey. I hated him and the way he made me feel like a stomped bug. Hated the way he'd look at me after he'd make me cum around his fingers, the way he'd stroke my hair away from my forehead with the gentlest touch as I fell asleep, and the way he'd insist on driving me everywhere just to spend some extra time together.

I hated him. I hated this feeling, and especially what it had done to me, my friendships, and my reputation.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

... Thoughts of my reputation went out the window now that Roman was back in my bed. Nothing suggestive, of course-- he was currently half asleep next to me. Even more heartwarming, was the fact that he still wore my two hair ties around his wrist, and I could get a proper look at him now that he was resting. I loved this feeling; we were both wearing the items we had exchanged.

"It looks good on you," he mumbled, tugging me closer with the arm he had around me. "My sweater. I thought I would hate seeing you in it, but it's not so bad."

My body was halfway on top of his, and I couldn't help but giggle as he pressed me closer to his chest. "Why did you think you'd hate it?" I adored the feeling of being completely engulfed in Roman-- the lingering scent of his perfume stuck to the gigantic sweater I was in, and his big arms around me made all my pain feel worth it. 

All up until Roman hummed, eyes still closed as his hands raked through my hair; "You wearing my stuff makes it real... Like you're mine. I don't know whether I want that responsibility,"

I could only sigh, unsure whether I should let my heart sink just yet. Sometimes, it was best to dig around in Roman's mud of a brain before settling for the version he wanted me to believe. "So you would be okay if I was with someone else?"

Roman opened one eye, glancing down at me as he raised a brow. "Are you with someone else?"

"... No,"

"Would you want to be?"

What an odd question; one he didn't need to know the truth of. "Would you care if I did?"

Roman opened his second eye, now scouring my face to check for cracks in my facade. Something told me he wasn't buying it, but that he wasn't about to take any chances. Eventually, he scoffed, rolling his eyes before closing them again; "Fuck off,"

"Fuck off yourself," I mumbled, burying my face in the crook of his neck. I tried to dull out the fact that his arm automatically wrapped itself tighter around me before I spoke once more; "Answer the question."

"Why?" Roman shifted, pulling my whole body on top of his, letting out a satisfied sigh now that all of my weight was laid on him. "It's a stupid question. Why can't we just enjoy this moment?"

He had a point, sure-- I just didn't deem it enough. "I hope you remember that I have a lot on the line here," I placed my hands next to his head, pushing myself up to get a proper look at him. Roman eventually opened his big, green eyes, and they quickly rounded out as they met mine. Everything about looking into his eyes made me want to squeal and pepper him with kisses; this was dangerous territory. I knew had to pull myself together; "I have, like... zero friends because of this. Because I chose you. And you not wanting to take on that responsibility or whatever it was that you called it, makes me feel like crap. You make me feel like crap." 

It was clear that Roman was holding his breath without thinking about it. He stared up at me, unsure what to say; "... All the time?"

"What?"

"Do I make you feel like crap all the time?"

That was certainly a way to spin it-- taken aback, I furrowed my brows as I pondered the question. "Not... all the time, no,"

Roman hummed; he seemed content with that answer. "I know you're upset about the whole Letha thing," he said, his big hands traveling down to grab at my hips as he shifted me to sit in his lap. "I also see that I'm not exactly helping the situation, but... you can't keep blaming me for your decision."

"... Okay," His request was simple enough-- I was ready to adhere to his wishes. "But then you have to say it out loud."

"Say what?"

"That you like me,"

I watched as Roman's eyes widened, his grip on my hips tightening. His whole body tensed up, unsure whether to speak or not. It was clear that he was conflicted about how to tread forward, and I held my breath the second his plush lips parted. Roman sat up, his back now supported by my headboard. Like this, I was sat in his lap with my arms draped around his neck, and he connected our foreheads with a sigh. Roman's words eventually came out like a slow, warm whisper; "I don't know what I feel," 

It felt as though my heart had lodged itself into my throat-- what? I was about to start arguing with him, cursing him out for dragging me through the mud for nothing, all until Roman suddenly reached for my hand. He placed my palm over his heart, his eyes finding mine as he steadied his breathing. "I don't know what I feel," he echoed. "But I know that looking at you makes my heart beat faster. Feel how hard it's going?" He pressed my hand further up against his chest, something about his touch giving away the sincere nature of this gesture. I hadn't seen Roman doing anything this romantic before, and everything was practically perfect all up until he opened his dumb teenage mouth; "I'm serious. It usually only beats like this when I look at pictures of Sydney Sweeney in a swimsuit."

That's it-- I groaned and ripped my hand out of his grip. "Okay, that's enough. You need to leave, it's almost midnight," In an attempt to climb off him, I almost made it out of his lap before his hands grabbed my hips once more, forcing me back down as I yelped. My eyes widened as they met Roman's, watching his signature smirk spread across his lips. 

"Where do you think you're going in my sweater?" he purred, suppressing a chuckle. "My sweater, my rules. Give me a kiss before I leave, at least."

I huffed as I snaked my arms around his neck, feeling his hot breath against my lips. "And why should I kiss you?"

"Because you want to?" Roman didn't care to try to suppress his grin, gently nudging my nose with his as his grip on my waist tightened. His voice dropped, getting airy as he whispered against my lips; "You want to so bad."

Everything about him made the butterflies in my stomach flutter-- it didn't help that his hair was tousled in a classic heartbreaker look, along with how ridiculously soft his lips suddenly looked. 

Roman definitely noticed the reddening of my cheeks, concluding why I had gone mute. "Don't be like that," he teased, not doing a good job with hiding his amusement. "Just kiss me first, for once. Have you noticed that you never initiate anything?"

I held my breath-- "I just... don't know what I'm doing," My confession was unexpected, but it felt nice to get it off my chest. "I don't want you to think I'm clueless."

"But you are?" Roman's chuckle was one of mischief as his hands shamelessly trailed down my body, now grabbing my ass as he pushed me closer to him. "It's not a bad thing. Just means I can program you to my liking."

I didn't even act as though I wanted his hands off of me, giving in to his antics. Something about the way he was holding me made me feel awfully warm-- maybe it was time to take off the sweater? "Tell me what you like, then," I purred, putting my hands on his chest. I figured that if I had gone down this route, I'd continue my path with conviction. 

Roman's smirk only grew, letting out a breathy laugh against my lips as he gave my ass a firm squeeze. "That's my girl," he cooed. "We'll start simple." He nudged his nose against mine once more, his lips parting before his words came out in a hot whisper against mine; "Kiss me."

His words were too alluring to deny-- I leaned forward, my hands carefully laying against his broad shoulder as I kissed him. A sigh of satisfaction escaped Roman, who immediately dug his hands into the flesh of my behind to tug me closer. Everything about the way he was reacting to me reminded me of our first date, and the way he had held and kissed me in the alley when we were hiding from Letha. 

The kiss was slow, almost lazy; something about the moonlight hitting us was making it more intense. It mostly consisted of small, loving pecks, and many pauses to simply smile against one another. I wondered whether he had ever kissed anyone like this before, with a softness I didn't see in him very often. 

It was hard to believe that this was the same guy that had me running around scared for him to prick me with needles. The only thing pricking me right now was the hardening of Roman's cock beneath me. With every twitch, every time his hands dug into my hips in an attempt to grind me against him, I could only grin into the kiss. There wasn't exactly anything sexual about this kiss, but he would always get hard from the smallest little things-- I couldn't help but find pride in it. At least this was another confirmation that he wanted me.

Roman eventually grew frustrated, now trying to rut up against me just for any sort of friction. With that, I grabbed the headboard, raising myself with my knees so that he wouldn't succeed. As he groaned, I had to bite down on my growing smile; the look on his gorgeous face was too damn thrilling.

Roman's eyes were round, his chest sinking with a shaky exhale as a rosy flush lingered in his cheeks. "Anything," he breathed. "Just give me anything. I'll take it."

"Anything?" I wasn't quite sure what he was getting at; "What do you mean?"

His hands grabbed at my waist, signalizing that he wanted me to sit down on his arousal once more-- perhaps that felt like a relief in itself? Roman stared up at me through his brows, his fingers digging into my flesh. "I'm not asking you for sex. I'm being nice. So I'm saying I'll take anything you'll give me... Even the smallest thing," He leaned forward, pressing a wet kiss against my neck which had me losing my breath within seconds, now whispering against my skin; "Just touch me." Roman's needy kisses trailed up my neck, jaw, and cheeks until his breath was hot against my ear. "However you want. Don't be shy, try it out."

Something told me that Roman was secretly into me being a virgin, after all this time of making fun of me for it. However, I wasn't about to say no to the opportunity to explore with the Roman Godfrey, and I eventually sat back down on his arousal, my cheeks flushing a deeper shade of red at the sound of his muffled grunt. 

My hands went up into his soft hair, pressing a kiss against his temple as my fingers stroked through his locks. "There's one thing I might want to try..."

Roman turned to nip at my jaw, his hands traveling back down to my ass. "Go for it,"

I didn't want to give him time to change his mind; my hand in his hair tightened, pulling him away from me with an unexpected roughness. I was about to apologize until I noticed the way Roman closed his eyes, and the way his lips parted in what looked like pleasure. It suddenly dawned on me that he might be the type to like a little pain, not only cause it. However, I wasn't ready to explore that at the moment-- I had another thought to attend to. 

Roman's head lolled back against the headboard as I leaned down to kiss his neck, and it was clear to me that he was enjoying himself. It was only when his fingers dug themselves back into the flesh of my behind that I got the confidence to pull through with my original plan; I sucked down on a particular spot, hard enough to leave a mark.

I didn't need to see his face to know that Roman's eyes were wide open with the realization of what was happening. I was ready for him to push me away, tell me off, tell me to stop-- but his arms only wrapped around me, pulling me closer in a swift motion that had me grinding up against his hard cock, and Roman let out a sigh of pleasure as he let himself be marked with a blooming hickey. 

Something told me I had to be somewhat special for him to allow me to do such a thing, and it quickly dawned on me that I had never felt this happy with anyone before, despite his shortcomings. 

I liked Roman more than I had ever liked anyone before, and I had an inkling that he felt the same. Who knew something so simple could feel so incredibly good?

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

Knowing I had Roman wrapped around my finger, despite him not being able to properly say it out loud, had me floating around in my own little bubble. Everything concerning Letha suddenly felt irrelevant, and it wasn't taking up as much space in my mind as before. All I could think about was the way Roman had smiled at me as he passed me in the hall, the red hickey on the side of his neck peeking out past his shirt. The cherry on top of it were the two hair ties he still wore around his wrist-- he was enjoying this, wasn't he?

However, I was yanked back into the absolute shitshow I had caused for myself concerning my girlfriends later that same day.

My previous friends had never done anything more than glare at me from across the hall. Maybe the occasional overdramatic huff when they passed me, an extra eye-roll my way, and so I did my best to not pay it any mind. 

Which is why I was so shocked when the proceeding followed. 

It didn't bother me to sit alone at lunch-- not anymore, at least. I wasn't about to reach out to Roman to ask where he was and whether I could join him either; but just as I picked up my phone, ready put away my nerves and text him, my gaze was diverted from the screen and to the three girls that sat down in front of me.

I held my breath, my eyes widening with the realization that my previous best friends were staring at me with the nastiest looks I had probably ever seen.

Oh no.

Breathing deeply, I did my best to harden my gaze and keep my guard up. "What do you want, Jasmine?" I asked, putting my phone down on the table as I stared down the girl in the middle. Jasmine was the one I had liked the least in our friend group, and I wasn't surprised that she was the one to take action-- the rest of the girls always followed her like dogs, and it had always made me sick; especially now that they were sitting by her like docile animals.

Jasmine cleared her throat, leaning further over the table in an attempt to intimidate me; "We're just here to make you aware of something,"

"Which is...?"

Taken aback by my lack of reaction, Jasmine's eye twitched just slightly as the girls next to her grew more and more uncomfortable. "Letha told me what she saw on your neck. And sitting this close to you, I see it too... Do you not understand how it makes you look?"

There was no way for me to hold back my sarcasm; "How does it make me look? Do indulge, Jas," I couldn't even hold back my grimace at this point. "Why does it even matter to you?"

Jasmine's eye twitched once more, and she slammed her hands against the table with a loud thud. "What upsets Letha, upsets me! I'm just glad I found out what kind of person you truly are, and it brings me immense joy to realize everyone is starting to catch on to the truth as well!"

Despite how hard I attempted to stay neutral, unaffected, and unfazed, I couldn't do anything about the way my heart sunk. I couldn't even muster up anything to counter Jasmine's words, taken aback by the bluntness of my previous friend.

"Letha really wanted to reconcile, do you know that?" Jasmine continued, an evil snicker building in her throat. "But it's fucking disgusting that you walk around like you're proud to be fucking Roman Godfrey, especially when you know how much you've hurt her. Fucking traitor!"

Before I could protest, she reached for my phone which I had left unattended. There was barely any time to pry it out of Jasmine's hands before she stood up and smashed it into the table, the rest of her posse scurrying away from the table before the pieces of glass could hit them. I didn't have to look to know that the whole cafeteria was watching this scene play out; it was only when I heard gasps coming from around us that I truly realized the extent of what had happened.

As the glass from my phone had bounced off the table, the sharp pieces flying in every direction, I had covered my face with my hands. So, when I slowly pried them away from my eyes, turning them around to identify where the stinging of my skin was coming from, my eyes fell on the three pieces of glass lodged into the back of my hands. It wasn't too deep, not enough to scar or cause real damage, but damn-- it burned like crazy. 

With tears in my eyes, I watched as Jasmine snickered, clearly unaffected by the fact that she had caused me physical harm; "We're ready to make your life a living hell," she hissed. "That'll show you. Fucking whore."

Something inside me broke. Usually, I would've fought back, I would've said something-- but I froze. Completely. I had never felt anything like this, the mix of both physical and mental pain turning me to stone.

Fuck. Was this truly how everyone saw me? Nothing more than one of Roman's countless whores?

I knew this would haunt me for the following weeks to come, and I couldn't fight the way my mind shut down. The need to get away overcame me; with shaky steps, I got up from my table, realizing I was about to leave school despite the day not being finished. 

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

I had avoided Roman like the plague for the rest of the day-- I was almost as broken as my phone. I held the pieces in my hands under the dim lights of my desk in my room, nudging the glass around on the table. My phone had completely shattered, now just a heap of technology I held onto for the sake of nostalgia in a deep state of shock.

I kept glancing at my hands, my fingers ghosting over the three thin cuts that had parted my skin. They were thankfully not that grotesque to look at, and I was quite sure I could play it off as a scratch from a particularly large cat if anyone asked. 

Or... so I hoped. 

I wondered whether Letha knew about what had happened. Did she condone it? Had she been the one who ordered Jasmine and her gang to mess with me? Everything about this situation made my head spin-- Choosing Roman might've been the wrong decision. I kept thinking about an alternative universe in which I had never asked him to kiss me in the first place, or one where I had told Letha about my feelings for her cousin before it was too late.

It dawned on me that I had mostly likely made the wrong choice-- how was I supposed to deal with this?

Just as I was about to toss the remnants of my phone into the nearby bin, I heard a few knocks at my window which made me turn towards the sound. There he was, the last rays of today's sunlight making the bronze hues in his hair shine through; Roman tapped against the glass once more, eyes round with an emotion I couldn't piece together from afar.

I walked towards the window and opened it, leaning against the frame as I spoke; "What are you doing here?" My tone was sharper than expected-- seeing him didn't exactly make me feel any better.

"You haven't answered my messages," Roman didn't seem to be in a hurry about getting off my roof, making himself comfortable by sitting down by the window. "All day. Radio silence. I'm not really used to that from you, so... just checking to see whether you're having a stroke or something."

I did my best not to roll my eyes; "A stroke?"

"I don't know?" Roman shrugged, his green eyes never leaving mine. "What other explanation is there for a girl not answering me?"

I grimaced as I watched his expression. It was impossible to push down the intense feelings of frustration when I looked at him, all my love for him manifesting back to its usual hate-- I wouldn't have been in this situation if I hadn't met him. This was technically just as much his fault as mine. 

Why did he look so confused? It suddenly hit me that he was being dead serious; he didn't get it at all. He genuinely couldn't find another reason for my absence. "Oh," was what I managed to say, clearing my throat as I sat down on the window sill. "Have you not heard?" 

Roman blinked twice, clearly lost as he looked up at me. "Heard what?"

My eyes darted down to my hands, which I had covered with the sleeves of Roman's sweater without even thinking about it. "I thought everyone would be talking about it," I mumbled. "I guess that's a relief, then."

"What are you talking about?" The green of his eyes nearly swallowed me, and I found a tiny trace of genuine concern behind them, so miniscule I could barely notice it. "What happened?"

I wanted to disappear into a heap of nothing; it was so embarrassing that I had let this happen. My pride was definitely trying to choke the life out of me. "My phone broke," I breathed, automatically reaching for the hem of the sweatshirt out of nervous habit-- I felt my cheeks flush, nervous to be revisiting the moment that had haunted me all day.

Roman's brows furrowed, unsure how to react; "You made it sound like something really bad had happened. I could buy you a new one, no problem," He watched me pick at the sweatshirt, now reaching out for my hands to stop my destructive fidgeting.

I let out the breath I had been holding the second our fingers intertwined, feeling the roughness of his hands against mine. My eyes rested on the black hair ties he still wore around his wrist, a blooming warmth igniting in my chest and wading through all my anger. I was so swept up in the moment, comforted by the way he squeezed my hands twice, that I didn't catch the moment the sleeves of the sweater bunched up and revealed the cuts on the back of my hands. "You don't need to buy me a new phone, don't be ridiculous," I said, watching a single strand of his brown hair slowly fall over his eyes as he glanced down. "I'd feel bad--"

"What's this?" Roman's grip around my hands tightened, now bringing them up to his face. 

It felt as though my breath had gotten lodged in my throat as I watched Roman's widening green eyes scan the surface of my hands. His brows drew together once more, thumbs swiping over the unhealed wounds. The touch made me hiss, attempting to get out of his grip, but to no avail. "It's the neighbour's cat," I tried. "I bent down to pet it, and--"

"This is not from a cat," Roman's gaze darted up to meet mine, suddenly a lot more intense than usual. "I'll ask you again, what happened?"

I tried to squirm out of his hold once more; "It's not important, Roman... Forget it, please. Actually, I'm going to have to ask you to leave--"

"Tell me,"

"No, seriously, drop it! Can't you just go?!--"

Roman's grip around my hands tightened further, almost to the point of making me wince. "Tell me," His pupils widened at an eerie rate, transfixed on mine. It felt as though his words were echoing through my head, and it didn't take long before I suddenly felt as though my inner monologue froze over.

And before I knew it, my mouth had a mind of its own; "They broke my phone,"

"Who?"

I really, really tried to fight it. Getting Roman involved in this drama was certainly not ideal, and I did my best to push away the urge to tell him; why was it so strong, all of a sudden? It almost felt as though he was controlling my mind, but it was ridiculous to even think so-- that was obviously impossible. Right? 

I eventually got around to answering; "Jasmine," 

"... Who?" Roman was beginning to sound like a really confused owl.

"Jasmine," I echoed. "Letha's friend. She brought a few girls over to my table and smashed my phone. Called me a whore."

Roman was silent for a few seconds, his face going unnaturally blank. "These cuts are from your phone?"

"Yeah,"

"And she did it because you're with me?"

"... Yeah," Did he just insinuate that we were together? I held my breath, unsure why my mouth wasn't adhering to my orders-- I so desperately wanted to point it out, but I physically couldn't. What on earth was happening?

Roman hummed, his grip around my hands loosening. "What else did she say?"

I blinked several times in an attempt to get out of the trance-like state I found myself in, but nothing seemed to be working as long as Roman's gaze was locked on me. "She said she's gonna make my life a living hell," As I sniffled, I realized tears were pooling in my eyes. I squeezed them shut, shaking my head to try to snap out of it once more. "I- It's fine, though." It dawned on me that the trick was to not look at him-- I finally started feeling like myself again. "I just need to talk to Letha and check out the options for a truce, or whatever."

As I dared to open my eyes, I watched his blank face. Something about the lack of reaction was unsettling, on the border of uncomfortable, and it almost made me want to squirm. It was in this silence that a thick, red drop of blood suddenly made its way down Roman's nose, and he didn't react when it met his lips. It was almost as though he had frozen to his place on my roof, and I couldn't remember the last time he had blinked.

My eyes widened, concern filling my body. "You're bleeding," I breathed, trying to get my hands out of his. "Let me get something for you, Roman, it's gonna run down to your shirt!--"

Abruptly, he got up with a quickness I hadn't seen in him before, still not saying a word. Suddenly, I couldn't help but notice it-- the hickey on the right side of his throat. One he wasn't even trying to cover up. Despite how much Roman kept denying wanting to be with me, here he was, getting up to do God knows what whilst quite literally baring my mark on his skin.

I watched him, my brows drawing together in complete and utter confusion. "Roman?" Calling out his name didn't seem to do anything; he let the stream of blood run down his chin, now dripping down onto his shirt. I could only look up at him, unsure why he was acting like this.

Finally, Roman spoke; "Living hell, you say?" His voice was low, threatening-- it was suddenly clear to me that he had gotten a very dark idea.

These sorts of proclamations coming from a guy who had an affinity for pricking girls with needles genuinely concerned me. I got up from the window sill, ready to climb out onto the roof to join him. "Come on, Roman, let's just talk!--"

It was as though he was on auto-control, rushing to the edge of the roof before turning around to climb down. My heart beat hard in my chest as I nearly lunged out of my window, hoping to reach him in time. "Hey, where are you going?!" 

I didn't make it-- Roman had already managed to land on the grass beneath him, his long limbs an apparent advantage, and he was now storming down my lawn towards his car. 

"Roman!" I yelled, crouching down on the edge of my roof; this was definitely not looking good. My mind kept racing as I gave up trying to catch up to him, burying my face in my hands. 

I was screwed. I was so screwed. 

(a/n: check out PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8 if you haven't!! thank you for reading, more to come!!<33)

[thefiery-phoenix]

CONSEQUENCES (YANDERE HANGYUL BAEK X READER X YANDERE EUGENE)

Two psychopaths in the entire series lol, far worse than serial killers

You felt like you were going insane and losing your mind trapped with Hangyul and Eugene, you despised them for stealing you from your life and your family. You regretted the day you ever met them and if you could change the time and course of your actions, you'd do that but unfortunately, the time and tide doesn't wait for anyone. You hated the way how Eugene and Hangyul coordinated with each other and found out everything about you and even had Eugene's brother Yuseong spy on you and give them daily updates on what happened in your life. By the time you found out about the secret cameras they installed in your room and in your own house, you felt sick to the core. You felt like screaming and slapping them across the face for doing something that repulsive to you. You knew it would be a stupid idea to contact the police, you knew what these psychopaths were capable of and the last thing you needed was for them to ruin your life further. Even though you found out what Hangyul Baek did in his hospital and found out about his secret of trapping people in cells where they never saw the light of day again, sometimes you felt like that would be a far better option than having to endure Eugene and Hangyul on a daily basis

You got down from the bed and walked into the living room, the dim lights and opulent furniture along with the beige walls and the carpets would have given you a homely feeling and looked aesthetically pleasing to the eye since you remembered saving tons of pins like this on your Pinterest boards, you had no idea how far these lunatics would go and they actually ended up furnishing the living room to your liking. You'd honestly be flattered if you weren't kidnapped and if you didn't feel like a freaking hostage. You looked around the room cautiously trying to detect any movement as you heaved a soft sigh of relief to yourself. Those lunatics weren't around, perhaps you could try leaving. You mapped out an escape route for yourself, the door was a bad idea since it had a digital lock that could only be opened from the outside and no doubt they both used some kind of high tech level security to prevent you from opening the door. The window was a no go for you as well since they were smart enough to have iron bars on the windows. But the balcony was a good shot, you knew there was a ledge down the balcony and if you could just manage to get down to the ledge and be a bit careful in climbing the pipeline to the ground, you'd be able to escape! You felt an adrenaline rush course through your veins as you felt a surge of excitement, something you hadn't felt in since a long time and you rushed to the balcony door and tried to open it but no avail. You grumbled under your breath and looked around for a way to break open the balcony door, unaware of the secret cameras that were watching your every move and action. The walls did indeed have eyes and ears

"How adorable, she's trying to escape'' said Hangyul as he chuckled and showed the footage of you trying to open the balcony door on his laptop to Eugene who had an amused smirk plastered across his face. The both of them shared the same look of malice glinting in their eyes and the way they had a sadistic smirk on their faces as they watched you trying to open the balcony door of fruitlessly. "What a naive little thing she is...she doesn't know we're watching her every move. But I'm rather hurt you know, we did so much for her and yet she feels like running away like the naughty little girl she is'' said Eugene as he sighed and had an expression of mock sadness on his face. "You don't actually think she'll leave...do you?" asked Hangyul as he looked at Eugene with a stoic look on his face. Eugene simply chuckled and shook his head. "You have the habit of worrying too much...but she won't. We won't allow that to happen... and our little sweetheart needs to know about the consequences of her actions as well'' said Eugene as his smile disappeared and a dark look crossed his face. Hangyul's expression darkened as he narrowed his eyes at the mere thought of you escaping from them, a thought both of them never wanted to entertain. Now that the very thought of you wanting to leave them was forming in your head, they had to squash it and nip it in the bud before it would get too out of hand. "Let's give our little sweetheart a surprise visit'' winked Hangyul as Eugene let out an amused chuckle as the both of them were on their way back to the residence where you lived with them

Meanwhile you were still trying to find something to break open the balcony door with so you could escape. After a few moments of fumbling around, you finally managed to get the balcony's sliding door open as you heaved a sigh of relief and you peered downwards to see if it would be safe for you to jump. It wasn't too steep but wasn't exactly too close either, you could manage, you just had to be careful. The last thing you needed was for you to end up with a broken ankle or some broken bones which would prevent you from escaping from these psychopaths who held you hostage for so long that you lost your sense of time. You entered the balcony area and as soon as you got ready to jump, you felt a strong pair of arms wrap around your waist and pull you back inside as another hand closed the balcony door shut again and you felt the hope die inside you. You were so close, yet so hopelessly far away from your freedom. You looked at Eugene and Hangyul with a resentful expression on your face as they both stared back at you with cold and stern expressions, their usual smirks long gone

"Why would you attempt to do such a foolish thing, my dear?' asked Eugene, his voice was soft yet his tone and the look on his face indicated that he wasn't playing games with you at the moment. "You're quite the foolish little thing you know...you could have gotten hurt. We're supposed to take care of you and love you and this is what you do. You need some disciplining sweetheart'' said Hangyul as he stared at you with his soul piercing stare which sent shivers and chills down your spine. The fact that they weren't smiling anymore indicated that they were really pissed off and you felt a cold sense of dread settle inside you. "I...I wanted some fresh air'' you mumbled lamely as you fidgeted nervously. You mentally cursed yourself for uttering such a silly excuse, you felt like you should have come up with something better but the severity of the situation didn't ease your nerves

"Tsk tsk...sweetheart, you know I hate liars'' said Eugene as he narrowed his eyes at you and he lifted your chin with his index finger to make you look at his cold stern gaze which didn't calm your nerves any. "You know...we do so much for you and yet you behave like a little brat. You need to be punished. You need to learn that there are consequences for your actions sweetheart'' said Hangyul as a sickly smile was plastered across his face which made the bile rise to your throat. "Wh...what do you mean?" you asked them as your heart raced madly and hammered wildly out of pure fear from their words. You felt your blood run cold, this was the first time you've known fear as you stood in front of two monsters who were very much capable of making people's lives hell. "Don't fret for now, naive darling...just rest. Everything will be clear soon'' cooed Eugene as you felt a prick in your neck and you could feel your vision and consciousness reducing. The last thing you remembered was them kissing your cheek before you managed to fully black out in their arms

You woke up a few hours later and you instantly knew they'd injected some kind of sedative to make you feel drowsy and weak. You could still feel the after effects which made you groggy but you were still able to decipher and comprehend what was going on around you and needless to say, you were not liking the situation one bit. "Ah...how wonderful, you're awake my dear...now, we know you might have been feeling a bit lonely and bored, which is why we'll play a nice game. A fun one which we think you might enjoy'' said Hangyul with a smile on his face, that didn't match the sadistic gleam shining in his eyes. "What do you mean?" you asked hesitantly as you looked at them with fear in your eyes. They both loved the way your pretty soft lips quivered in fright from the mere sight of them, it gave them such a rush of power as they found it rather endearing and adorable

They led you to the living room and made you sit in between them on the couch as they switched on the TV and 3 of your best friends were in a white room, blindfolded and gagged and tied up as your eyes widened in horror. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!? LET THEM GO!" you screeched on top of your lungs as you glared at both of them. "You look so adorable when you try to be intimidating my dear, but you need to understand that your actions have consequences...'' cooed Hangyul as he had a sickly grin on his face and stroked your hair gently. "You know...I've always despised your pathetic little friends. They're like flies you know...but I don't really blame them for wanting to be around you, your personality is sweeter than honey...of course, we aren't really THAT heartless either, my dear...'' said Eugene as he smirked at you. "We'll give you a choice, since we're feeling...merciful at the moment. We simply cannot stand seeing you so upset...'' whispered Hangyul as his lips teasingly brushed against the nape of your neck

"What choice?" you asked as you raised a brow apprehensively. You REALLY did NOT like where this was going. "A choice for you to save one of those annoying little pathetic friends of yours. Which friend is more dear to you? Which friend would you be willing to save to be able to sacrifice the other two insignificant little pests'' asked Eugene as his smirk widened when he saw you squirm and look uncomfortable at the situation. They both loved it when you started squirming and felt pleased that they had such an effect on you. "Are you both insane? I won't choose between my friends! Please, let them go! They have families, they have their lives to live for! I'm the one who should be punished, I'll accept whatever punishment you give me but leave them alone'' you pleaded with a desperate expression on your face. "How endearing, you have such a noble heart...'' laughed Hangyul as his tone was laced with slight mockery and amusement. "How noble indeed but no, my dear. They've also had the audacity to get close to you and look at you and be with you...time's running out my dear. Choose before we choose for you. Tick...tock...'' said Eugene as he held your hand in his while you stared at the TV screen in front of you with tears streaming down your face, the fates of your dear friends lives resting in your hands

"Please don't do this...please...I'm begging you'' you whispered as you sniffed and more tears ran down your face. "You need to learn your lesson my dear. Now choose'' said Eugene with a slightly stern voice as you shook your head. "Not to worry then, we'll pick for you'' spoke Hangyul as he pulled out a remote and pressed the number 3 on it. The room in which your friends were trapped in glowed red as the number 3 was visible on the wall. A few men with masks grabbed one of your friends and twisted your friend's neck and you could literally hear the sound of their bones snapping before they fell down to the ground limp and lifeless. "NO!" you screamed as you flailed around and tried to escape from their strong grasp but no avail. "Please let them go! Please...'' you pleaded as your tears continued to flow. "Awww...darling don't cry...this is for your own good you know'' whispered Hangyul as he kissed your tears away and Eugene caressed your other cheek with his cold fingers in a nimble manner

Eugene pressed another button on the remote as the room glowed 1 and you could see the men in the masks drag your other friend and they pulled out sharp knives and stabbed your friend till the ground was covered in a crimson pool of your dead friend's blood while you watched on with horror, angry at yourself for being so pathetic that you couldn't save your friends from their deaths. "You...you said you'd spare one at least. Please just spare the last'' you pleaded weakly, hoping against hope that they'd concede and give in. "Hm...let us think about it for a moment'' mumbled Hangyul as he tapped his chin playfully as Eugene spoke "I don't think they really deserve it though...would you like to do the honor?" asked Eugene as he handed the remote to Hangyul. You tried to snatch the remote from his hand as Eugene restrained you by pulling you onto his lap and caged your body with his arms while you struggled to free yourself from him. The button was pressed and the last of your friends fell down to the ground lifeless and dead as a single bullet to the forehead painted the ground of that room with the spilled blood of your dear friends

You sat there still and motionless as you just witnessed the deaths of your dearest friends and hated that you were powerless to stop it from happening as silent tears streamed down your cheeks and you trembled slightly. "We would never hurt you my love...I hope you've understood your lesson now and the consequences of your actions...'' whispered Eugene as they both kissed your cheeks, sealing your fate to be with them forever....

[megamindsecretlair]

Girlll... i cant get outta my mind the idea of tyrone fkn his girl soo good and deep.. like it’s so emotionally relieving this nigga damn near givin out free therapy

her tearful eyes rolling back while she chants “where u been all my life”

They both sprunggg. and ofc tyrone’s smug ass is flattered & making it worse by hitting that spot over and over. Talking sweet but so dirty & taking over all her senses <33 oooh

A/N: Couldn't get this ask outta my mind so sorry to the ones that came before!! I guess I never updated ya'll. My bad LOL. I hadn't expected the last Tyrone fic to be the last before my vacation. I'm baack. But came back with a nasty cold. So I'm not sure when fics will resume full time, but this was too good to pass up! Thanks for trusting me with it, I hope I did it justice! I wanted it to be a drabble but just kept going. There's worst problems to have so I won't complain. Also, more apologies to the Tyrone asks. I've started Snowfall soooo Franklin Saint fics incoming! This taglist is getting so huge! Thank you! If you want to be added/removed, let me know! Make sure your ages are in your bios, I won't tag empty blogs.

Worship

Pairing: Tyrone x Black!Fem!reader / Plus Size reader

Warnings: 18+, Minors DNI, You are in charge of your own reading experience. Intentional use of AAVE. Smut, PWP, cursing, PIV, oral (fem receiving), cum play, possession kink, size kink, all consensual. Praise kink. Use of n-word. FLUFF. Soft Tyrone.

Summary: *see ask* Date night turns a little steamy.

Word Count: 3,251k

Taglist: @planetblaque @dayjlovesromance @sevikasblackgf @melaninpov @amyhennessyhouse @henneseyhoe @honeyoriginalz @justheretostan @black-fairy3 @superhoeva @jarfulloftears @hereformiles @montysstuffs @westside-rot @blackerthings @blowmymbackout @euphoric05 @miyuhpapayuh @nicolexnight @8ttached @judymfmoody @wakandas-vibranium @soft-persephone @justabovewater20 @notapradagurl7 @mcotton0928 @soapjay @heyauntieeee

There was no special occasion. The stars aligned for you to have a rare night with nothing to do. Tyrone didn’t have anywhere to be that night. He took you out to dinner and you had so much fun getting ready for him. 

You threw on the dress from the back of your closet that you had been saving. Took your time with your makeup and hair. The anticipation made it a treat. You had been out with Tyrone before, but tonight felt good. 

At dinner, conversation flowed naturally. It was easy and Tyrone made you laugh more than you had before. You laughed to the point that the other dinner patrons gave you scathing looks. But you and Tyrone only had eyes for each other.

It has always been like that between you two. Your eyes found each other across rooms or down the aisles in stores. Tyrone pretended to hate running errands with you. But you had a sneaking suspicion that he liked the domestic shit. He liked when something caught your eye and you’d run back to him bouncing on your toes, giving him puppy eyes, and asking him to buy things for you.

You hated asking for shit. He tried to break you of that habit. You still didn’t like it so you compromised with little shit you found in stores like fuzzy socks or a new stuffed toy. 

After dinner, Tyrone was in no hurry to rush you back home. Instead, he took you to the Venice pier and you walked along the boardwalk at sunset. The California sun was lazily slipping below the horizon and people were still trying to hawk their wares before it got too late and the cops came around. 

People skated in the park and other couples were walking along. The storefronts had people rushing in and out. Tyrone held your hand and listened to you babble about anything that popped into your head. The annoying neighbors, the yard needed fixing, your stupid ass coworkers. 

“One of these days, I’ma convince you to let me take care of you,” Tyrone said. He pulled you into him and wrapped his arm around your shoulders. This close to the beach, a chill spread from the breeze off of the ocean. 

“You already take care of me,” you said. Tyrone kissed your cheek. 

“More. I know you hate that job,” he said. 

And you did. You had been together for a while, but there were still some things you were too proud to accept. “Being taken care of” wasn’t in your vocabulary. You were learning. You needed more time. And Tyrone was content to wait…mostly. 

You looked up and found yourself on the long stretch of road in between Santa Monica and Venice. Under the pier, Tyrone stopped and slipped off his kicks. You took off your sandals and you trudged along the sandy beach until you were stepping into the icy water. Your feet sank into the wet sand and squished in between your toes.

Tyrone stepped behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist. He placed his chin on your shoulder and inhaled your sweet perfume. He kissed your neck. He stepped into you until no part of your backside didn’t touch his front. And you noticed that he was a little excited.

“I’m always excited around your sexy ass,” he whispered in your ear. 

You giggled and shook your head. It amazed you that you were still so needy for each other. You were needy for each other’s time, touch, and words. You stood and watched the horizon. 

Oranges, pinks, and purples meshed and collided to form a painting in the sky. The few seagulls flying around were trying to scavenge leftover food from asshole tourists and LA natives. The salty air was refreshing and cool.

“I want to give you the universe, baby,” he said with a sigh. 

You rubbed his hand around your waist. “You already give me so much,” you said.

Both of your tones were soft and wistful. This moment required a certain reverence for some reason. The joining of two people so madly in love that it hurt to contain it. On more than one occasion, you found yourself out of breath with how much you were in love with this man. 

“Sometimes I feel like it’s not enough,” he said. 

You turned around in his arms until you could look into his dark brown eyes. You wrapped your hands around his broad shoulders. 

“You know that I love you for you, not for what you give me. You are enough for me,” you said. 

Tyrone smirked and kissed you. You thought it was going to be a little peck but he captured your lips with his and kept exploring your mouth. His tongue licked your lips and pressed inside. He swallowed your sighs and held you closer, his arms tightening around you. 

He withdrew from your lips slowly, reluctantly. He rubbed his nose against yours. “I fuckin’ love you,” he said.

“I fuckin’ love you. Take me home, Tyrone,” you said.

Tyrone chuckled and kissed you again, stepping close until you felt his noticeable bulge. “Shit, I’on know if I can make it that far,” he said. 

You giggled against his lips. He said shit like that until he had you folded like a lawn chair and had cum at least three times. 

Tyrone pulled away from you and brought his hand up to caress your cheek. How did you get so lucky to find this man? This man radiated love and strength with every dip of his lean as he walked and the set of his shoulders. He took every one of your insecurities about being a thick girl and mildly shy and tossed them in the wind. You felt him. You never questioned his love.

Yet and still, you didn’t know what you did to luck out on him. You thanked whoever was listening that you got to enjoy him for as long as possible. 

Tyrone dusted as much sand off of your legs as he could manage. You walked back to the car with anticipation building in between you like a living thing. Tyrone kept touching you. Finding ways to “stabilize you” and “make sure you’re straight”. He’d pull you into his side to step around a tiny ass rock or pull you closer to whisper something nasty in your ear.

“I can’t wait to taste between your legs. Bet that pussy ready for me, ain’t it?” 

“Tyrone!” You’d say and squeeze his hand. Your cheeks would burn and your heart would skip a beat. 

“Tell me she ready for me,” he whispered against your neck. 

“You get on my nerves!” You couldn’t form the words. Of course you were ready for him. Every time you saw him, your panties were instantly soaked and hot. Tyrone licked your neck and you giggled. 

“Boy, focus on gettin’ us home!” Tyrone laughed and you made it to the car. He had towels in his trunk so that you didn’t have to get sand absolutely everywhere. He knelt on the ground and cleaned off your legs one by one, smirking up at you while he played with your feet. 

You swatted at his head and giggled. Tyrone cleaned off his legs as well and you climbed into his car. Tyrone sped all the way home, rubbing your leg with one hand while his other stayed on the steering wheel. 

You felt like you were going to crawl out of your skin with need. Everything was in hyperfocus. The bright street lights took on a hazy hue blending between the golden lights and reds and greens of the traffic light. 

Blessedly, you made it home. Tyrone barely pulled into the driveway before he was opening the door for you and yanking you out of the car. Your giggles mixed with his huffs as he slammed the car door and pulled you into the house. 

You were apart for half a second while he closed and locked the door. Then his hands were searching for yours in the dark, your lips seeking each other. Your kisses were rushed, hurried, needy. 

He pushed you into your bedroom, forcing you to walk backwards. But you weren’t scared. You trusted him to guide you. 

He turned on the light and it stung your eyes for a bit. You blinked a few times until you could see the raw desire in his eyes. 

His breaths were coming so fast that you saw the rise and fall of his chest. “Turn around,” he said.

You turned as he said. He stepped close and his warm breaths fanned over the back of your neck. It raised goosebumps on your flesh. 

He unzipped your dress and let it slide over your skin until it pooled on the floor. He sucked in a sharp breath as it revealed your black lingerie set. A simple bra and panties but there were strategically set lacy parts that were like peek-a-boo windows. 

“You’re so fuckin’ gorgeous,” he said. 

“Sweet talker,” you said with a giggle. 

“I’m serious ‘bout that shit,” he said. 

He spun you around and kissed you. He took off his jacket and his black T-shirt and then rejoined your lips. His jeans went next until it was just his dark boxer briefs. Fuck, he was beautiful. Thick. He had a beautiful ass, strong thighs, and a wide chest.

Tyrone slipped your panties off and groaned at how some parts clung to you. Cool air kissed your pussy and you shivered. With no warning, Tyrone pushed you onto the bed and spread your legs. 

You yelped as your ass hung off of the bed. He knelt on the floor and threw your legs over his shoulders, spreading your further. He bit his lip as he looked at your pussy.

“I’m the luckiest nigga in the world,” he said. 

He suckled on your pussy, immediately catching on your clit and you cried out. “Oh fuck, oh fuck,” you yelled. 

You weren’t prepared at all. You had no idea how fast he was going to devour you. Tyrone always kept you guessing. Sometimes it was fast, sometimes it was slow. Your fingers dug into your bed sheets as he fully supported the lower half of you. 

That annoying voice in the back of your head wanted to protest. He couldn’t support all of you.  

You told that voice to shut the fuck up and enjoy his lips on you. You moaned as he swirled his tongue. In no time at all, you were already cumming on his tongue with a loud cry. 

“Oh shit,” you said.

Tyrone chuckled and nuzzled the top of your pussy, kissing you there. “Mhm, that was too quick. Gimme another one,” he said.

“But–” 

Tyrone went back to flicking your clit with his tongue. You were still sensitive from your quick orgasm and your hand flew to his head to push. Tyrone flattened his tongue and licked you from entrance to clit.

“Move yo fuckin’ hand,” he growled and returned to eating you out. That didn’t even seem the proper term. You moved your hand but you wanted to put it back. He added a finger to push inside you. Then he added two and pumped it into you while he continued to lick, suck, and slurp up all your juices. 

You were cumming again, cursing and squirming. Tyrone kissed your thighs as you wiggled and writhed beneath him. He nipped the skin between your thigh and pussy and you jerked. He laughed evilly as he stood up. 

“Let me see them titties,” he said. 

“Tyrone, please, I can’t move,” you said. 

“The hell you can’t. C’mon beautiful,” he said. He grabbed your hands and made you sit up. You were boneless and leaned forward to lean your forehead against his stomach. He smelled so damn clean and sexy. He chuckled and rubbed the back of your neck. 

You kissed his stomach as you took forever to slip off your bra. “Mmm,” Tyrone moaned as you bared yourself to him. 

You scooted further up the bed so that he could climb on. “I ever tell you how fuckin’ sexy you are?” Tyrone asked.

“Shut up,” you mumbled. 

He chuckled. Your body was sensitive to the touch and the bastard knew it. He kissed your belly, licked your stretch marks, and settled in between your legs. He kissed and bit his way to your nipples.

You jerked beneath him with a hiss. “Shit,” you said. 

“So. Fuckin’. Sexy,” Tyrone said. With each word, he kissed your titties. After he spoke, he laved his tongue around your nipple and sucked hard enough to make you buck off of the bed. 

“I promise, I’ll give you everything,” he said. He kissed his way up your skin until he got to your neck. He paid special attention to kissing your neck and licking your pulse point. You ran your hands over his back and neck, rubbing the back of his, and playing with his thick braids. 

“I want to give you a real home, baby. Buy you everything you need,” he said. He kissed up your jaw and kissed you. 

“Tyrone,” you whispered against his lips. 

“I want to make you comfortable. I only wanna see you smile,” he said. 

“You already make me the happiest woman ever,” you said. You tugged on his braids until he leaned up and looked into your eyes. 

“I’m so happy already, Tyrone,” you said. 

He gave you that rare sexy smile. Where he smiled wide and it transformed his face. Your heart shattered. He killed you with that smile.

“I can’t help it. You make me wanna be a better man,” he said. He kissed you, cutting off whatever you were going to say. 

As you kissed, his hands explored your body. He rubbed and kneaded your beasts. He squeezed your nipples to the point of pain and then rubbed the sting away. He grasped your waist and slipped his hands around your ass. He grunted and massaged your booty. 

You moaned and brought your legs up to wrap around his hips. “Mhm,” he said. He pushed your legs until your knees almost hit your shoulders.

His hand worked at his briefs until he was able to free himself. The tip of his dick gathered up your arousal and pushed inside of you. “Fuuuuck,” you moaned. 

He sank in inch by inch with a clipped moan. He kept eye contact as he slid home and you opened your mouth but no sound came out. He stole the air from your lungs like a nasty thief. “Breathe baby,” he commanded. 

You panted. You couldn’t get a full breath. He stopped sliding in. A smirk played on his lips while you adjusted to his size.

“Dammit,” you struggled to say. 

“Relax, baby. I’m gonna make you feel so good.” He kissed you, pressing his tongue inside. 

Your nails dug into his shoulder while you tried to accommodate him. Tyrone kissed his way to your ear. 

“I know you want this dick, so quit fuckin’ playing with me.”

His deep voice and nasty words made you clench around him and he slid in more. He chuckled and kissed your ear. “You like it when I talk nasty, don’t you?” 

“Mhm,” you nodded. 

“Pussy so fuckin’ tight. Open up, baby. Let me give you all of it,” he said. He licked the shell of your ear and you moaned. 

Tyrone pushed his hips in and he stretched you out. “With yo pretty ass. I’m so fuckin’ lucky to be with you,” he said.

You took a deep breath and managed a weak laugh. “I’m the lucky one. You make me feel so good,” you said. 

Tyrone bottomed out and hit some spot inside of you that made you bow your back and cry out. “There’s my fuckin’ spot. My girl need that shit deep, don’t you?” 

He was impossibly deep. It felt like he was in your heart. You were practically folded in half. Tyrone pulled out and then slid back in faster. For every slide out, he came back in twice as hard and made you cry out each time. 

“Oh fuck, Tyrone. Wait!” You said. He was bouncing you so hard, that the top of your head grazed the headboard. It didn’t hurt, but if he slammed any harder, he’d send you through the wall. The thought alone made your pussy clench around him and he groaned. You brought a hand up to brace against the headboard and protect your head. 

“Can’t,” Tyrone said. He placed his hands on the back of your thighs as leverage and slammed into you over and over. He pounded relentlessly. 

You cried. “Please, please,” you chanted over and over. The hand not on the headboard was pushing at his chest. But not to push him away. Just to steady you and match his rhythm. 

“Fuck, missed this. Missed you. Missed my pussy,” he said in between grunts. His eyes were locked on yours. On your expressions and pathetic whining. Sweat beaded on his head and ran down the side of his face, disappearing into his light beard. 

“Tyrone…” your voice was breathless. Your throat burned from your harsh breaths. 

“So fuckin’ beautful. Look how you take my dick. You takin’ all of it. ‘Cause you deserve it, don’t you, baby?” 

“I’m…” You couldn’t speak. Your eyes were rolling into the back of your head. You saw an entire universe of stars in the back of your eyelids. Tears ran down your cheeks. Your body tensed before you exploded and shattered. Your body broke apart, came back together, and ripped apart again. 

Tyrone was saying something but you couldn’t hear him. Your moans drowned out all sound. Tyrone kept pumping into you as if he was truly trying to fuck you through the wall. He joined you and unloaded inside of you. He pumped you full of him and the filthy squelching was like its own music.

Tyrone stayed inside of you and moved every so often. You were surprised that he was still hard. He rotated his hips and you moaned, pushing at his chest. 

“Where have you been all my life,” you cried. Your legs were still pressed against your chest. It should hurt. But Tyrone knew your limits. And he wasn’t done wringing every last orgasm out of you tonight. 

“Prayin’ for you,” he said. His lips hovered over yours so that they were touching but not fully kissing. 

You couldn’t take anymore. He was too sweet. Too perfect. He gave and gave and you didn’t know how you could repay him for everything. For healing things inside of you that you hadn’t realized were broken. For seeing all the cracks inside of you and pouring love into them. 

You shook and cried and he kissed your cheeks. He kissed them both, alternating between the two. You were sure he tasted the saltiness of your tears but he didn’t seem to care. He kissed them anyway, looking into your eyes. Right when you stopped moaning, he’d move his hips and remind you that you were still connected. Still joined. That his cum was still oozing out of you, aided by your arousal. 

“I will protect you as long as I breathe, baby. You’re mine, forever,” he said. Then he kissed you and proved for the rest of the night that you were his.

&&&

Loved this? There's more! The Secret Tyrone Files Masterlist

[silverzoomies]

Cunning Linguist

pietro maximoff x reader smut

warnings: cunnilingus, porn with (slight) plot, blow jobs, dissociative identity disorder, dissociation, existential crisis, smut, shameless smut, halloween, canon divergence

word count: 3,990

a/n: i meant to finish this ages ago. but i always overthink shit. i rewrote this several times, and it still doesn't feel worth posting. oh well !! just meaningless filth - same old story, different clothing. i wanted to play with the concept of pietro as an alter in ralph's head. again. lol

he's a little ooc here. but i'm blaming the brain fog. i'm running on three hours of sleep every night. fuck it, we ball. also, not including a tag list because tumblr's system kinda sucks for it. sorry !!

Pietro recalled the moment his consciousness came to light.

Agnes waved her spooky hands in his face, as though she were taunting him. She muttered incantations under her breath. The words of which Pietro didn’t recognize as English. After implanting sentimental memories in his mind - based on stories of Wanda’s childhood - she sent him off on his own. Like letting a dog loose, free to roam. 

Pietro’s mission? Find Wanda, have a gabfest or two, extract information. Or something along those lines. Pietro hadn’t paid much attention while Agnes yapped about it. Why focus on that, when the mystery of his own sentience piqued his interest instead?

He was given an easy enough job to do. No problem-o. Pietro had a talent for pestering people til’ they cracked. That’s what Agnes told him, anyway. He wasn’t too sure why she wanted him to play undercover rat. It had something to do with magic. Pietro knew that much. There was some kinda witch-on-witch rivalry in the works. But unfortunately for Agnes - and maybe fortunately for Wanda - she might have to take a raincheck on her duel of the sorceresses.  

Pietro could be a bit of a dipshit. Was he stupid? Not so much. He had brains where it counted. He could be crafty. Even sneaky. But his expert level slyness didn’t make him any less of an idiot. Pietro couldn’t refute that factoid about himself. Around Wanda, he forgot how to function like a normal person. Which he blamed on the fact that he wasn’t a normal person. Being brutally honest with himself; Pietro technically wasn’t even a person at all.

More like a conceptual incarnation of human sentience, really. Simple enough.

No ifs, ands, or buts about it, though - Pietro carried the irksome flaws of a human. Often, he acted thoughtless when he didn’t mean to. Without filtering himself first, Pietro unapologetically spoke his mind. He’d drop fourth-wall breaking quips here or there. Sometimes, his careless habits made for entertaining slip ups. Perfect for sitcom shenanigans. Other times, his blunders resulted in pain. Lotsa pain.

Halloween night, Pietro found himself whisked away by a forceful wave. Conjured by Wanda’s potent magic. The same power Agnes wanted her wiggly witch fingers on. After going aerial in a wild whoosh, Pietro got up close and friendly with some Halloween decorations. But, hey, what’re a few broken bones between pseudo siblings, eh?

Wanda sure had a helluva temper. She quickly banished Pietro from ever setting foot in her house again. Talk about a major bummer. Pietro suffered a huge loss on that front. One part because he’d have no choice but to crash with Agnes again. Ninety nine parts because he’d miss his troublemaking nephews. Those fun, lil scamps.

Tough luck, Quickie. Try and do better next time.

Honestly, he’d prefer if there wasn’t a next time.  If Agnes wanted to make small talk so bad, she could do it on her own. Calling it quits for the night, Pietro wandered off to a Westview bar. To his surprise, he found the place still in operation. And despite Pietro’s memories - vague imagery of Busch beer cans crushed under his fist - he hadn’t had a beer since his consciousness manifested. Shit. Did he even like beer? Whether he cared for it or not, a subconscious instinct drew him to it.

He assumed that instinct was none other than Ralph himself. The poor dude wanted to drown his terror in alcohol. And after all the twisted shit Agnes put Ralph through; who was Pietro to deny him one of life's simplest pleasures?

The mellow atmosphere of the bar oozed Halloween spirit. Kinda unnecessary, in retrospect. Considering Wanda never stopped by for a drink. Why bother sprucing the place up with her wispy magic, if it never saw any use?

The bartender’s clever quips reminded Pietro of Cheers. Another totally bonkers concept. Pietro had memories of watching Cheers, sure. But he couldn’t decipher if they were Ralph’s or not. For all Pietro knew, they might be a part of the ‘dead brother’ package deal. False memories, meant to give Wanda someone to relate to. Making him liable to tear down her defenses when she least expected it. 

But why did Pietro get the sense he was more of a Frasier guy anyway?

Sitting at the bar on a rickety stool, Pietro spun around to satiate his boredom. He cradled a beer, inhaling all of it in a single beat. Superspeed really did have its ups and downs. Consider quick consumption a positive. As far as negatives go…well…inebriation was completely unattainable. Sucks for Ralph. As Pietro flagged down the bartender for another beer, he tuned his ears to a radio broadcast. On a shelf amidst dollar store Halloween decor; a radio droned old fashioned tales of wicked witches. Subtle.

Outside interference interrupted the broadcast. Voices intermingled between buzzes of static. Whispering soft, but panicked mantras of 'Wanda? Wanda, are you there?' Pietro narrowed his beady eyes. His ignorance of the world outside Westview should’ve stayed intact. But whatever the reason, he knew exactly where those voices came from. Why he carried such knowledge was anyone’s guess. Maybe Agnes let too much her own insight slip into his psyche. Whoopsies. Oh well. Shrugging, Pietro flagged down the bartender for another beer. Deja vu.

Bored outta his mind, his thoughts explored elsewhere.

Pietro dreamt of something a little more down to earth. He remembered a cutie-pie neighbor new to Westview. A ‘next door’ kinda type, with a quirky sorta charm. They had no idea why they were in the city to begin with. Pietro knew these details, only because he gathered the what’s what on just about every person in town. It took him all of two seconds to do so. Zip around. Observe. Make mental notes. Report back to Agnes. Spill the deets.

Anyway, about you…

Call it a crush, loneliness, or even instinctive lust; whatever the case, Pietro thought you were cute as could be. You didn’t remember how you got to Westview, or where you even came from. One day, you woke up in town, and found yourself wearing unfamiliar clothes. Threads evocative of decades long past. But hey, it happens to the best of us. Pietro was well-acquainted with feelings of confusion and alienation. That mingled sense of being both lost, and born anew.

For crying out loud, he was the very materialization of sapient awareness itself. Agnes forbade him from that knowledge as well. But again, Pietro credited his oopsies and ding-dongs to her shoddy miracle work.

Whenever you questioned the reality around you, the world only stifled you into silence. The everyday citizens of Westview seemed so content with life as it was. Acting as if you had nothing to worry about. Wanda’s sitcom setup was nothing beyond sunshine, rainbows, and television tropes. But Pietro could see the unspoken terror hidden deep in their eyes. The truth Wanda kept hush hush.

Just thinking about it was enough to give Pietro the heebie jeebies. And if his intuition was anything to go by - it never proved him wrong yet - you had a bad feeling about Westview too. Way to go! You caught on even quicker than he did. Which was kinda nuts, if he thought about it. Wasn’t he supposed to be the fastest at everything? ‘Cuz speed was his middle name or something. Or…well, it wasn’t. But it could be. Who’s to stop him from seizing his own destiny at this point?

Pietro Speed Maximoff.

Eh, maybe not.

In Westview, you had no friends or family. And much like Pietro, on Halloween night; you found yourself at the bar. He caught your curious gaze from down the counter. You were dolled up in a scanty, witch's dress, leaving Pietro to wonder why witches were such a recurring theme in his life. Looking too much like a manchild goober, he spun around a few more times in his seat. His sneakers kicked against the stool’s railing. No matter what, he couldn’t sit still. He thought he might be embarrassing himself. But his antics appeared to make you smile even brighter.

Tilting your head, you shot him a look of familiarity.

You weren’t familiar with him, though. But there was a chance you saw him appearing and disappearing around town. During his impromptu stake outs, more than likely.

Bringing your drink to the seam of your lips, you stifled a playful giggle. It was obvious you were gawking at his costume. Arching a brow, Pietro grinned into the rim of his beer bottle. To be fair, he looked supremely ridiculous. The blue tights under his cut-off jean shorts rode up in the crotch a little too much. He dipped his head, staring at the frayed edges of his shorts. Yeah. It was clear he did the job cutting them himself. A hasty one too. Since he was too eager to pull pranks with his nephews.

Damn. Pietro missed those kids like hell already.

The dirty blond hair/ear-things atop his head bounced every time he knocked his neck back. As Pietro downed yet another beer, he lost track of how many he drank. A dribble of it plummeted into silver. Creating a sheen against the lightning bolt duct taped diagonally down his shirt. Pietro sighed and pursed his lips. 

His outfit was an all blue ensemble. Garnished with a spritz of silver here or there. Quicksilver. His hero name, apparently. Pietro knew he’d never live up to it.

A bit of friendly conversation later, and the air between the two of you shifted. Your playful look morphed into something a little wanton, the more Pietro acted in silly ways. Holy shit. Seriously? He hoped he wasn't misreading your signals. Because really, your attraction was too good to be true. If you honestly wanted him, where should he proceed from here? How much freedom had Agnes even allowed him? And furthermore - if Wanda’s happy, dream town ran on a curated schedule; what if credits rolled just as the two of you finally got handsy?

Maybe sitcom rules didn’t apply to conscious manifestations of witch hocus pocus? Wishful thinking on his part.

Outside the bar - in an alleyway too uncannily clean, like a set straight out of Hollywood - Pietro beckoned you in with kisses. Technically, he played the role of Agnes’s deadbeat husband. And if that were the case, did kissing you count as cheating? Shit…was Pietro committing adultery right now?? In the midst of macking on your sweet lips, he pressed a palm to the wall next to your head. Pietro pretended to do so for balance, as he devoured you with his mouth and tongue. 

But unbeknownst to you, he cracked an eye open. Just to double check for a wedding band.

Nothing there to prove he ever got hitched. Go figure.

You giggled coyly into his lips, letting a soft moan ease through your teeth. Bringing your hands up to the hair/ear-things on his head, you toyed with them. Your pretty voice teased him, as you played with his hair in gentle strokes of your thumbs.

“Ooooh…such a good boy, huh? Fast too.” You cooed, the same way one might praise a puppy.

Oh. Fuck yeah. To hell with sitcom tropes and bogus wives. Agnes scared the ever-loving shit out of Pietro anyway. He had no semblance of a domestic connection to her. Not that she gave much of a damn herself. With how often she threw insults his way. Agnes always used Ralph as her little punching bag, before hijacking his body for her own gain.

No wonder your simple praises got his proverbial tail wagging.

A chuckle hummed in the back of his throat, as Pietro purred into your lips, “Speed’s kinda my middle name, y’know?”

You snorted one of the dorkiest laughs he’d heard since cognisant birth. And with a sudden spark of primal urgency; Pietro felt something else spring into transcendence down below. 

Sifting through Ralph’s sidelined psyche, Pietro came to realize how much of a recluse he was. The guy never seemed to get out much. In fact, Agnes might’ve even been his first partner. If one could classify her as such. So, really, Pietro was doing him a major favor. If Ralph knew he planned on using their body for some frisky fun - on an otherwise lonely Hallow’s eve - surely, he’d give his brain roomie some thanks.

Pietro’s hands were vascular like a wired-up machine, clad in arm-warmer paws. Grabbing hard onto your curvy hips with them, he pulled you in closer. He sought the friction of your crotch against his. And after some seriously sloppy making out, Pietro dropped you an invite to his place.

Or…Agnes’s place.

Uh…or…was it technically Ralph’s? Shit, this sitcom roleplay sure gave way to some mental gymnastics.

You didn’t expect Pietro to zip you off at superspeed. Moving abruptly fast, he brought you straight to his disaster of a man cave. Laying you back on the futon, he gave you little time to adjust over the blankets. The wrinkled fabrics reeked of pot, in desperate need of a wash. You got as comfy as you could on the skunky sheets. Blinking your needy gaze up at him, you tugged his white belt, pulling the band undone. Pietro grinned lazily, colliding his swollen lips into yours. His primal instincts left him wreckless with want. 

Burying his tongue in the cavern of your mouth, he brought with him the flavor of cheap booze. As you tasted him, you moaned, shucking his dumb jorts down his hips. A sizable swelling twitched in his tights, squirming under muted blue. Your eyes bulged in their sockets, cartoonishly wide. The way you whirled your tongue across your lip gave off a vibe of animalistic hunger. As though you were eager for an all dick dinner. With Pietro as the appetizer.

And the main course. And the dessert. He hoped you'd rate him five stars.

Restaurant metaphors aside; this was the very first test of his capabilities as a lover, after all. If he couldn’t live up to his superhero name, maybe he could make a name for himself in other ways.

Pietro Speed Maximoff. Quicksilver. Cunning Linguist.

But first…he really should satiate your hunger.

One, generous tug downward, and Pietro’s - or Ralph’s - slightly above average length sprang out. Bouncing in your face in mesmerizing oscillation, his cock appeared pulsating and roused. Thick veins weaved like threads through his shaft, akin to his vascular hands. His balls bulged in his tights, his jorts hanging halfway down his thighs. Pietro took his blistering cock in hand. Aching for the kind of stimulation Ralph never got, his desire painted him so flush and ruby red. 

Since you looked so delighted at the sight before you; Pietro gave his cock a few strokes. He played with himself for your viewing pleasure. And as his firm grip tugged his shaft, the world pulled suddenly back. It was as though Pietro viewed life through a third person perspective. Metaphorical cameras fixed their lenses on the two of you, in an all too human position of closeness. 

The weight of a cock in Pietro’s hand felt both familiar, yet weirdly foreign. Combine that with the sight of another living, breathing body below him; and his nerves buzzed uncomfortably. Frenzied in such a way that matched the quick pulsing of his heart. Focusing instead on your fluttering eyes, Pietro weaned himself out of dissociation. Your hands braced his hips, thumbs circling the fabric of his tights. The gentle gesture brought chills throughout his body. Inching forward, you teased his bobbing cock with a flick of your tongue.

Wet heat grounded him in reality. Upon racing to the forefront of his own mind; Pietro’s breath hitched with a husky groan. He held your head, massaging his fingers in your soft hair. Cute mewls spilled from your lips as you flitted your eyes shut. Swirling your tongue over his cock’s puffy head, you lapped any tearful pearls of precum. His thickness sank between your plush lips, and Pietro’s own lips parted for breath.

Of all things to happen on Halloween night, getting his dick sucked wasn’t on the docket.

Not that Pietro had any reason to complain. This? Wicked awesome. Ralph was really missing out.

You drew lazily back just to lap his balls over his tights, staining fabric with slick saliva. Rolling the tip of your tongue up the underside of his dick, you giggled in that dorkish way again. Pietro’s teeth pulled his lip as he tilted his head back. His dick twitched, throbbing while the heat of your mouth embraced him fully. He moaned, smiling wide enough to show off his dimples. You pumped his cock at the base, teasing his veins with your tongue.

Pietro’s brows turned inward. You suckled his head like you longed to guzzle anything he could give. He sank his fingers deeper through your hair, holding on tightly as he rutted his hips. With each slam of his weeping tip into your throat; he hoarsely grunted. You really did try your best, just for him. Even as tears spilled down your cheeks and your lips began to swell. Plush and puffy, circling his slick length. Pietro kicked up the speed at which he rutted.

Fighting his instincts, he was cautious enough not to choke you. Or, he wanted to be cautious. He braced his hands on both sides of your tear stained face, his arm warmer paws soft against your cheeks. Sinking his dick even deeper between your lips, he accidentally went balls deep. The wet fabric of his tights smothered your chin. You sputtered on his cock, which made your throat wring him so tight. As your tongue curled, sliding under the thrum of his veins; Pietro cursed. Playful chuckles and shameful apologies fell from his lips.

Bitter heat coated your tongue in sweltering jets, thick and explosive down your throat. Pietro’s groin twisted in a blossoming surge of pleasure. And as he ruptured your esophagus with his sticky load, he found himself that much more grounded. As if such a bombastic nut somehow tethered him to reality - securing Pietro from any further derealization. 

Righteous. His first big O since Agnes blessed him with the gift of consciousness. Significantly more electrifying than any sad, jerk sesh Ralph had in the past. And since you so humbly took him like a champ - giving Pietro a most euphoric experience; he saw it fit to return the favor ASAP.

Neither Pietro - nor Ralph, it seemed - had any experience toying around with partners. But he did have a vague knowledge of how to do so. Thanks to the backlog of not-so-safe-for-work memories deep in his subconscious. Raunchy porn, mostly. Magazines. Tapes. Jesus, Ralph…why’s there so much dirty stuff in there, huh? Lots and lots of it. Pietro would have to do his own research later.

He gave you no time to prep for his oncoming nose dive. Perched on your knees, coughing and clearing your throat - you found yourself abruptly resting on your elbows. Your upper back pressed into the futon. Pietro lifted your hips, using his strength to hike your thighs over his broad shoulders. As you parted your swollen lips to protest, blinking your reddened eyes; Pietro pulled your panties to the side. He kept the soaked lace pinned under a thick thumb. Burying his lips in your cunt, he lapped up your honeyed heat.

A sudden addiction, triggered by something carnal, overtook him instantly. Pietro became hooked on your fragrant flavor, swirling your cute bud in high-speed circles. He worked your stiff clit like a microscopic joystick, flicking wet heat in a spastic whirlwind. Alternating between drawing patterns, and sucking your precious pearl hard. Pietro so easily made you squeal - even without any prior experience - until you scratched your fingernails deep into Ralph’s sheets. Kissing your cunt, he let his thirst take over, and dove deeper.

The tune of his name melting through your moans made him wish the night would last forever. A small fraction of him hoped Ralph would never take over again. If consciousness offered rewards this scrumptious, Pietro wanted to stay sentient into eternity. Not to be selfish or whatever, but he almost considered playing minion for Agnes again - if only to secure the lifespan of his psyche.

Your supple, pussy lips parted as he wormed his tongue through your slick walls. Smooth, bumpy heat squeezed the fuzzy ridges of his tongue. In milliseconds, your fluttery love gushed over his taste buds and leaked down his chin. Tears teased the edges of your eyes. You cried whines of sugary bliss. Pietro’s thumb kept your panties pinned, his other hand locked around your thigh.

He smirked into your pussy, deep chuckles burning hot on your mound. And since the position wasn’t exactly the most comfortable; he allowed you some reprieve. Pushing you past your breaking point at light speed, Pietro bashed the sopping slickness of his tongue into your clit. You trembled, shuddering through powerful waves of orgasmic intensity. White-hot flashes of light flooded your vision. Under Pietro’s zippy tongue, your sweet pussy quivered.

Totes mcgoats. If he learned anything tonight - aside from the obvious lessons in subtlety; Pietro now understood why the everyday man lost his doggone marbles over puss.

After your first release, he eased your tired body into the futon. Your back met cozy blankets, engulfed in that skunk weed scent. Before you relaxed, he edged you even longer, drawing out your pleasurable suffering. Pietro sank his fingers deep into your heat, pumping the length of them inside you. His digits curled perfectly, finding every spongy spot that made your core burst with a desire to cum again. His tongue teased your swollen nub until you grabbed at his hair. You mussed the funny looking ear things atop his head, pressing your palm into his forehead to try and push him back.

You begged him to stop. Pleading in disoriented whimpers, your noises went straight to his limp dick. A few more hot, wrathful waves of pleasure later - he finally stopped. Only after your cunt erupted in one more, wet burst. You leaked like a fountain into his lips, soaking his chin, even making a mess of his makeshift costume. More than worth it. Pietro sat up on the futon, admiring his handiwork. He wiped his mouth with one of his arm warmer paws. Your mouth fell agape as your lungs begged for air. More tears sparkled on your flushed cheeks, mirroring the twinkle of your pussy. Pretty as a rose in a rainshower.

With your sluggish arms, you gestured for Pietro to climb over you. And once he did, you pulled him into a lazy kiss without a single care. You paid no mind to the taste of your sweetness on his lips, or the scent of your musk on his chin. Sleepily blinking, you bravely asked if you could stay the night. Too tuckered out to even consider a long walk back home.

Pietro could just as easily speed you over to your place. But even at the risk of his not-wife catching him in bed with someone else - he felt too adverse to loneliness. Besides...your company brought him more delight than he ever expected of anyone. Settling into the futon, he popped on Ralph’s old TV set.

Cheers was on. Pietro snickered to himself, rolling his dark eyes.

“What’s wrong?” You asked, snuggled up against Pietro’s strong form. He’d changed clothes at some point in the night, finally foregoing the tights. Oh, and he lended you one of Ralph’s shirts too. A Grateful Dead t-shirt, of which you were very grateful. Hah, “You don’t like Cheers?”

Pietro shrugged, sipping a beer. A Busch beer. He scowled at the taste, curling his lip.

“Eh. More of a Frasier kinda guy.”

[obae-me]

Omg Hi!!! It has been so long since I have seen you on my dash! How are you doing love? I hope you are doing super well ^.^ I recently saw your Mc with trauma post. I loved it so much, and it has also given me a lot to mull over the past few days lol.

Honestly I love the idea of a traumatized Mc and the brothers feeling like absolute shit for the way they treated them in the beginning... but yk another part of me wonders when I imagine my own traumas in that scenario... that for people (the bros- literal demons) who have faced so many things and traumas in their own lives, whether my feelings or pain is even comparable to that. Ik you can't compare things like that and the brothers would probably even be mad if I think of my feelings this way since it's the "Ohhhh someone always has it worse. It's not even that bad so just suck it up" self-deprecating part of me. Despite knowing ALL THAT I can't help but think that I am not traumatized enough to deserve empathy lmao (I realize how stupid it sounds saying it out loud).

So that is what REALLY got me thinking. What about an Mc that is genuinely terrified of scrutiny, being a nuisance and just basically inconveniencing anyone for things that are just basic needs. Idk if I am explaining it well enough oof and a mc like that (like me lmao) certainly won't bode well with Lucifer. Atleast not in the beginning. I could hate him (I could never but if I did) but still be terrified of disappointing him. This is what I mean when I say I love him but he reminds me too much of my father habits wise 🤢.

I am thinking a Mc who is afraid of asking even their basic needs at the beginning once Lucifer mumbled about them being too much trouble. Mc who feels so extremely guilty when the brothers get anything for them, cuz they feel like they have to work for it or they don't deserve it. Mc whose blood freezes over when they break something and try to replace it as quick as possible so no one blames them. Mc who never expresses their concerns so as to not add to the brothers' already full plates or worry them. It hurts to bottle it all up but seeing the brothers' concerned faces with so much PITY is a thousand times worse. Mc who never complains and adjusts to even unfair situations so as to not be a bother. Mc who just takes, takes and takes everything bad and doesn't say a word cuz they feel like they deserve it. Mc who tells little white lies to hide their flaws and be the perfect exchange student and avoid scoldings and criticisms ; only to stew in shame, disgust, self-loathing when someone eventually catches up on one of the lies (the person probably didn't even make a big deal of it/ was only mildly disappointed but Mc feels their heart breaking in two as they think they have broken their trust forever and would never be trusted again)

Gosh this got way longer than I was expecting >.< and a lot of signs like these aren't really obvious until you are close to that person. I think so many of us are so hard and rutheless to ourselves when sometimes the thing we need the most is a little compassion and understanding ;-;

Hi! I love seeing you in my inbox and thank you! I've been in recovery mode for the last few months but am finally coming back out of that cave and working on my hobbies again (seriously going too long without writing almost feels like going without food for me)! I hope you've been doing well too!

And oof, yes, I understand what you're saying completely. I'm like that too in a lot of ways, keeping certain details or complaints to myself because "Oh surely what I've been to is really nothing". And sometimes I let something slip and people get very concerned. Which is validating in a way, not that I need to be validated for it, everyone goes through their own pain and awful things SUCK no matter to what extent it is and I've had to learn that through my life.

(Wow that MC really is just me, huh? Calling me out are you? /j)

Honestly this type of MC is just canon to me. (I mean, the more pithy responses the MC has in original OM might just be due to writing but to me it just seems like the calm and general response of someone throwing out NPC answers as a survival tactic.)

They suck things up and soak up everything that's been said to them and work hard to remain a normal functioning being.

And of course Lucifer is an interesting character to think about with this MC because on one hand the human could absolutely despise him for the way he treats them. Or on the other hand (if you're like me I guess, which I realize is hella unhealthy, oops) the MC could look up to him and work extra hard to try to gain his validation, because getting praise from someone like that means you must not be a failure, right?

And just...the dynamic of that is so appealing to me, because Lucifer loves when people work hard and do what they're told, but then if he finally comes to the realization that they're burning out and actually almost putting themselves in more danger and harm because of HIM? And at the end of the day he's doing more damage than any of his chaotic brothers? (I like to have him spiral and be humbled just a bit)

Just all of the brothers doing some deep introspection once they come to care for MC and needing to sit down and realize that probably made their human feel so much worse and then spending the rest of eternity trying to fix that. And then the "I can fix him" mentality from MC turns into the "I can fix them" from every other character. A special Uno Reverse, if you will.

Oops, this turned into a fairly long ramble of my own...

Thanks for popping into my inbox with your thoughts! Traumatized MC deserves some extreme love

[tmwcs]

ↀOUBLE IIROUBLE - CHAPTER TWO

Series Masterlist

Still retyping all my lost work for the other parts of Aftermath (final chapter of SE7EN) so please bear with me on that my lovelies.

In the meantime, enjoy the second chapter of ↀOUBLE IIROUBLE, which is lots of smaus and dialogue, but don't worry, it wont dissapoint. ;)

Warnings: flirting....loooooots of flirting between step brothers (twins) and reader. Reader is a bit too polite and chilled out to really take notice that her step-brothers are shamelessly flirting with her. she's not stupid, just tries not to overthink things since she tends to have that habit. she tryna maintain a positive attitude ppl! give her a break. lol.

Dinner went surprisingly well, considering you were late and the only one who didn't have a date. However, you were well received by your soon to be step-dad, and your two step-brothers, Heejeong and Heeseung. Not a single moment went by where you didn't feel left out, as the brotherly pair engaged in lots of small talk with you.

The next day, your mother had sent you a text, igniting the question if you had asked and gotten your 'brother's' phone numbers yet.

You responded that you hadn't, it just never came up during the dinner conversations. However, that did not deter her from giving out your number to the twins.

Your mother had always been so considerate and overly protective of you. It didn't surprise you that she would inquire about you getting your 'brother's' phone numbers.

No matter how old you get, she'll always be 'mom'. Chuckling at her motherly vibes, you tucked your phone in your coat pocket as you entered the cafe, ordered your favorite drink, and walked back to the apartment. How fortunate you were to live just down the street from the cafe, it made getting coffee such a breeze. Not to mention, it was nice to get out of the apartment while you could seeing as Jeff was awake and trying to make conversation with you as Wendy took her shower.

You wouldn't have minded Jeff's presence and would have been delighted to speak with him, had it not been for his ill manners when speaking...or maybe he was attempting to give you hints of his attraction to you, though you were always told that you had a tendency to overthink things, so you were really trying to your best to not make a big deal, yet still.....

"Oh hey, good morning."

"Well damn y/n, finally deciding to speak to me. You act like we fucked or something." Jeff giggles out as he returns his greeting which didn't set you off to a good start.

".....uh yeah okay. Um....is Wendy still asleep?"

"She in the shower."

"Okay well...just tell her i'll be right back, i'm just going down the street real quick."

"You want me to go with you?-"

"No-no! It's okay, I'll be right back, thanks."

Quickly ushering yourself out of the apartment, you nearly ran down the stairs as you exited the building and traveled by foot around the block to the cafe.

"Whats with him? I'm really trying to be cordial....but he keeps saying such things that really irk me."

Now it is true, you may have had a tendency to overthink things, but you knew that when it came to Jeff's antics, that was not the case. Thinking back on your previous interactions with him, it was very clear that the man was sending obvious hints, all behind Wendy's back. Yet you were too modest to really blow things out of proportion unless the situation was dire enough to where you needed to address it with Wendy or directly to Jeff, himself.

Thinking back, you recalled the events where he had sent you such terrible vibes, all at the beginning of his relationship with Wendy, and before he moved into the apartment...

"You remember Lucas from college?"

"Uh sort of. I didn't really interact with too many people because i was so busy with my studies. "

"You know he lives in this same apartment, right?"

"Mmm no, I didn't now that."

"Let's see, who else did we go to college with.....fact, we should pull a prank and make up a rumor."

"Hmm? A rumor?"

"yeah just for fun, like, let's tell a few people that we fucked and see their reaction. I bet it will be so funny."

"no...dont do that. That's not funny."

"Ah I'm just joking."

Whether he was or wasn't joking, it didn't set your perspective right for Jeff, hence he had been on your radar ever since your first meeting and you had done your best to avoid him. For every time you gave him the benefit of the doubt, it always ended with...

"Hey y/n, you got a boyfriend yet? no? well shit, let me know and I'll tell Wendy that I got two girls. hahaha. I'm just kidding."

"God damn y/n, what type of dress is that? For work? I was ABOUT TO SAY, you trying to get fucked or something?"

Needless to say, you found the man insufferable. So any moment in time where you could escape the apartment, you greatly took advantage of it.

Stepping back inside the apartment, you overheard Wendy talking with Jeff inside the kitchen.

Tip toeing your way through the narrow hall, you entered your room and gently closed the door behind you, and locked it.

Resting on your bed, you remained propped as you enjoyed your hot coffee, all the while you checked your emails on your phone.

Suddenly, your phone dings as you spot the notification of an incoming text from an unknown number....

Seeing Heeseung's text, you saved his number. You figured your mother must have already informed...or maybe even 'urged' them to send you a text so that you for sure had their number.

"oh mom.."

Another text comes in, and much like at dinner, Heeseung casually texted in a familiar manner, not at all displaying an distant and awkward atmosphere considering you both didn't know each other, yet he was transparent and open towards you as if you had actually been truly related.

Just then, another text from an unknown number came in, which you had already guessed it had more than likely come from...

Saving the number to your contact list, you noted how Heejeong, much like his brother, displayed a familiar sense as he texted you.

Perhaps you were still feeling a bit too flustered by Jeff's annoying antics, or perhaps it was you losing track as you texted both brothers, yet no matter the reason, you paid no mind to the way they texted or the emoji's they made. You honestly didn't think of it as a big deal, considering some of your closest friends, both male and female, would send you similar ones. Why would it be any different coming from your soon to-be stepbrothers?

Just as you were getting comfortable and carrying on a decent conversation with Heejeong, a text from Heeseung came in.

"Huh...guess I'm going to have to get used to talking to two brothers now, this is going to be interesting."

"Huh. They seem to be a couple of jokesters or prankster types."

Never having siblings of your own, aside from the half sisters and brothers you shared from your father's side, whom you got along with but never were terribly close with, you were new to the life of having siblings, much less, two elder brothers. Slightly elder. Reflecting back to all the movies and shows where the main characters displayed a loving bond with their siblings, shows such as Modern Family, you recalled the moments of your childhood where you dreamed and yearned for that bond.

"Well it looks like I'll get it now. Two brothers. Wonder what it's going to be like from here on out."

With your dainty mind, your heart of gold, and your oblivious soul, you wouldn't have ever thought of what was waiting for you in the upcoming days that would change your life forever....

CHAPTER 3

Authors Note: stay with me people! we're getting there. we just gotta get passed all this tension and fluff bc there's alot more......so much more...

Taglist: @deobitifull; @solstramaii; @vampiregirl215; @nshmrarki; @enhypen14; @iamliacamila; @lisaaannna; @nikstrange; @jaehaki; @luv-enhy-skz33; @silcry@honeysjae; @crackedcameraa; @stinkmonkey ; @baekxo07@raishaii@yangjungwon33 @lhspeachie ; @differentchildwombat ; @prettykia ; @kimsseonu ; @stvrryhee ; @en-thralled ; @hoonzdzbl ; @yuppppp ; @jinniespuppy ; @browsehnnie @prettykia @lprww @they2luv1naia @ellixqz@mimimovv @stvrryhee @moonmoongi  @seungjiseyo

[rowiewritesstuff]

Hehe matchup time! Can I get a yandere mtmte matchup?

Decepticon matchup please. Any gender for the matchup, I don’t have a preference!

They/them pronouns. I’m also autistic but I understand if that’s too difficult to write

Likes: SPACE(I love the stars and all the different planets), art(anything from poems to sculpting to painting), archery 🏹, nature walks

Dislikes: the dark(stupid but yknow lol-), bullies and close-minded people, liars, thunderstorms and the cold

I’m known as an approachable and kind person by most. I’m pretty easy going and not one to plan ahead. I try to think positively most of the time and act as a mediator in most conflicts.

If I’m not trying to see both points of views then I’m pretty much set one side. It doesn’t happen much but if I think the persons a jerk then I will attack- lmao-

I try not to be bothered most of the time, often keeping most of my issues to myself. It’s pretty common that I bottle all of my problems until I have HUGE breakdowns. But like whatever.

I’ve had someone describe me as a golden retriever before. And tell me that I have a saviour complex so do what you will with that information.

Thank you 🙏 take ur time!

Ima be real, I'm gonna take MTMTE off of my list because I pretty much forgot all about it lol. Sorry I did my best lol

Yandere Deathsaurus X Reader

You adored space, so when you got the opportunity to go to space on an exploration mission you took it. You were so happy it was a solo mission, as socialization is sometimes difficult. Being able to relax and be yourself without the pressure of having to appeal to someone else’s standards was a dream.

Unfortunately, a huge meteor shower caused your ship to crash land into a habitable planet. Thankfully you’re pretty capable at surviving- you quickly make a shelter, find food, and anything else you’d need to survive. 

What you didn’t account for, however, was a crew of decepticons to be on the planet. When you came across a decepticon, you tried to talk your way out of it. After all of that, the decepticon still took you to his “boss”- Deathsaurus. 

Deathsaurus was at first uninterested in someone who seemed insignificant. Soon enough, he was enthralled by your odd mannerisms.The way you looked around, avoiding eye contact, to the way you gently flapped your hands when nervous.

Of course, because of his mild interest, he decided to make let you join his crew. He trusted his crew not to harm you under his orders, and he even gave you a personal room. Yes, it was an old closet, but it’s the perfect size for a tiny being such as yourself. 

As much as you wanted to, there wasn’t really a good way to contact your exploration company. Anytime you thought of a good way to get a message out or even escape while on another planet, you’d get caught. 

Eventually Deathsaurus’ patience wore thin, and he had no choice but to lock you in your room. It wasn’t until the lights went out that he learned your fear.

You banged on your door, begging to be let out. Your cries were loud and Deathsaurus immediately opened the door and scooped you up. “What’s wrong, are you injured?”

The way you clung to his huge hand was adorable to him. You trembled with fear and cried. “Dark” Was the one word you could mutter. From that day, he made sure you always had back up lights.

Soon enough you got used to the crew, even making quite a few friends. It was your unofficial job to break up fights and settle arguments. Since it was a big crew, it felt like a full time job. 

He always found it amusing how such a tiny being could argue with a being fifty times their size without worry. If there was one thing he admired about you, it was how you always stood up for others.

Since you got along well with the crew, Deathsaurus began to fall for you. You being a human didn’t bother him much- your soul was what mattered to him. He’d often carry you around on his shoulders, and grows angry if anyone misgenders you- even if it doesn’t matter that much to you. Anything about you, he will defend to the ends of the universe. Anything you want, you’ll have- you love space? You’ll see all of it. If he could, he’d catch a star and give it to you. 

Since you’re an artist, you’ll have nothing but the best supplies. It doesn’t matter how much, he has plenty of money to spend on your hobbies. Any art you make will be pinned up for everyone to see- how could he not when you made it? 

Anything  you want-clothes, precious gems, books, a whole planet? It’s all yours. It doesn’t matter if it’s “unobtainable”, he’ll find a way.

Just…don’t try and run. He hates it when you do. He can be very forgiving, but if you push him too far he knows your fears. You don’t want to be locked in your room again, do you? He’d hate to have to turn out the lights again. 

One day, he took you to a lovely planet that had a pretty star system. He had you on his thigh, letting you eat from a basket you’d brought. Deathsaurus dropped a necklace into your lap. You gently picked it up, looking at it. It was the solar system you were currently in, carefully crafted into a necklace. 

“Do you like it? I picked it out just for you, little star.”

He’s been so kind to you so far…how can you say no? After all, you’ve always been a people pleaser. 

[welcome-to-tracy]

Headcanons Obey Me: «I don't love you». Part 1.

Synopsis: MC breaks off her relationship with one of brothers because they no longer loves him. There's probably leaving them for someone else.

TW: ANGST.

GN!Reader. Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan.

A/N: Hi! I started writing this at four in the morning, just because I wanted a little angst. Ahhaha.

Lucifer:

— To say these words to the Avatar of Pride seems almost impossible.

— But you make up your mind when he says that Diavolo will invite you both to one of his parties as a couple.

— «No. I don't love you, sorry».

— Lucifer can't immediately believe what he's heard. However, he quickly pulls himself together and closes his eyes: «Okay. May I ask why?».

— «I love someone else».

— He doesn't ask anything else. Demon nods, ostensibly respecting your decision, puts his hand to his chest and says that you have nothing to worry about.

— You hurriedly get out of the office. As soon as you slam the door behind you, you hear a sound as if someone is overturning furniture and smashing the whole room.

— Lucifer is absolutely calm every time you see each other. Polite questions about how you are doing and whether his brothers are bothering you; invitations to dinner and even help with your studies.

— But you see how every time he clenches his palm into a fist for several seconds and clenches his teeth.

— He may not show it in front of you, but his brothers see a dark aura that actually comes from Lucifer and will be with him for the next hundred years.

— He buries his nose in the documents when he sees you flirting with someone else and wants to tear that someone apart, but for your sake he is ready to just accept it.

— To be honest, Lucifer hates you. He wants to strangle with his own hands: you hurt his pride, but... Every time you smile (even if not for him), he feels like he's in love.

Mammon:

— When you say you don't love him, he thinks you're joking. Lol, how can you not love the Great Mammon, you dumb human.

— But you explain to him that this is not a joke and then he does not understand why. What did he do wrong? You see how the carefree smile disappears from Mammon's face and you see the sincere misunderstanding in his eyes.

— «T-this is just no... nonsense! You just sa-said some stupid thing again, you...»

— «Sorry me...».

— You go back to your room, leaving Mammon alone.

— You don't know it, but he's actually going to his room right now and crying.

— He will really try to get you back and draw your attention to himself. But when he realizes that it's useless, he just gives up and goes at the casino.

— In fact, Mammon stopped coming to your room. He is very hurt and he does not react so strongly to insults from his brothers.

— The next time you see him, he tries to joke and pretends that he is the same as before, but you notice how he looks away because he can't look at you.

— He secretly dreams of hearing you say "I love you, Mammon!" again and seeing you smile just for him. But you won't say that.

Leviathan:

— Dumn, you're the most violent person in the world, you just absolutely killed this guy and destroyed the remnants of his self-esteem, what's wrong with you, bitch?!

— You were sitting in his room when Levi with a twinkle in his eyes, was telling you about a new MMORPG based on a popular anime that he watched recently.

— Out of habit, he gently took your hand and smiled happily. It was hard to tell him about the breakup at such a moment, but you knew you had to do it.

— «Levi...».

— «...It's just SUPER immersive. The graphics are so good that I'm LITERALLY confusing the game with life, we should to go into it together somehow and...».

— «LEVI!», – he only stopped talking when you screamed.

— «Yeah, MC? Something happened?»

— You exhaled, and then said what you've been wanting for a long time. You don't love him anymore.

— Both of you are silent for a while, and then he smiles tightly and nods.

— «It's okay, I'm just a nasty otaku. I knew sooner or later you'd figure it out and just leave me. I'll be fine».

— You see the drops of tears trembling on his eyelashes. Maybe you even want to comfort Levi (or not), but in any case, the demon asks you to leave his room, and you realize that now is not the time to argue.

— He hesitates to do this for a very long time, but a week after your breakup, he asks in the chat what the reason is. Besides the fact that he is, of course, so vile, pathetic and worthless that it's just a shame to be in a relationship with him.

— «I'm just in love with someone else».

— You don't get an answer.

— Levi hates it. Enrages. Annoy. He's jealous. Angry. ...and he's in so much pain.

— The next time he sees you with someone else, the Avatar of Envy assumes its demonic form, but calms down when he sees your scared and disappointed face.

— He apologizes, looks down and returns to his room. He probably won't be out of there very soon...

A/N: Levi suddenly turned out to be the longest???????? I just feel so sorry for this boy, gosh, you made him believe that you loved him, and then you left him so cruelly. You're just such a bitch, baby! 😭😭😭

I will try to write the second part!!

If there are any grammatical errors, then write to me in the comments or messages. Remember that English is not my native language. :^

[diavolosnumberone]

hello >:)

may you bring some headcanons or ideas about Shinji?

nosy anon -

Hello, yes!! Gladly!! I don't really have many, but sure thing. :3 I'll keep them general lol

Content warning for brief mention of self harm, depression and starvation. Nothing strong nor graphic, per se, but still.

Also I'm taking into account the timeline MP100 is ocurring in, which is to say 2012-13, so this aren't exactly 'modern-day au' type of head canons :PP.

PRE/DURING BIG CLEANUP.

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-> Despite it being said he has no talents whatsoever, do remember he has entered multiple competitions for different things (None of which he has won but that is not the point), meaning he'd have to have at least a bit of skill in such things. He's far from useless or stupid, but his parents are much too used to Takuya, who was canonically a prodigy. lol

- Further on that topic, I think out of the things he's competed for, I think he'd be best at writing and playing the violin. Clearly not the best, but a good amount skill is there nonetheless. I'd like to think writing is another way he uses to cope (Albeit one that resulted to be ineffective in the long run, seen as he still ended up having an emotional breakdown).

-> This one is heavily implied in the source material if you're familiar with it, but he struggled quite badly with depression; as seen by the lack of motivation in cleaning his room and how said space was practically ripped from any type of decor of his liking. Notice how he has nothing but a desk filled with books? There was also a ripped poster in his room! You could understans that as how the feeling of dread and sadness takes away the motivation and desire, the interest in things and leaves you feeling vulnerable and miserable (to say the least). His disheveled appearance is also key to that, the dark circles underneath his eyes and the eyebags, along with how messy -and greasy, clearly- his hair was. Also the probably horrid sleep schedule.

- Him actually showering during that period of time is something I doubt because, again, lack of motivation and interest in self-care; but even if he did, he absolutely smelled bad. After all, he did sleep in quite literally a pile of trash bags. Strong odors might stick to a person if they stay in that spot long enough, actually. (I'm also pretty sure he's canonically unattractive lmfao)

- He probably also skipped meals for that very same reason earlier mentioned, and simply stayed locked in his room instead. At a certain point, he also fell into a much unhealthier habit for coping than writing had been, which could be either dissociation or cutting himself.

-> I believe he's bisexual/biromantic (Insert the 'Damn son, nobody want you fr' image lol), claims he's got no time nor interest in relationships, though craves someone who shows genuine, healthy affection and love for him– Despite him being a somewhat emotionally unavailable person.

- Would probably balance between being very romantic one moment and in the other isolating himself and acting aloof. Emotional responsability is not his thing, and might accidentally end up hurting his partner. In other words, he's in a bad space and dating him is not a good idea; even if it wasn't for the lack of emotional responsability, he's also a busy boy, and his family most likely wouldn't accept him being in a relationship, as that'd distract him. (Or do date him, and try to support him through his struggles.)

-> He's clearly not a bad kid, and was actually pretty decent at being council president, it's only his familial situation that made him break and act rashly in distress and a need for approval, a need for feeling important. Had he not been a good enough president to begin with, I highly doubt they would've re-elected him.

- Not quite popular in salt middle, people don't really know him outside of leading the student council body.

-> Sometimes whilst studying at home, he can't help but think about how things would be if maybe his family was more understanding, or supportive. Often, he feels unloved by them (After all, they do indeed look down on him).

- He hates thinking about that, it causes a feeling of impotence and helplesness. At certain points can't help but hate his family for the neglect of his emotional wellbeing, yet can't help but still love them in the end— Might be because of feeling obligated to doing so.

-> He's got favourite flowers, which would be carnations, dahlias, lilies and roses.

- He used to have a cracked vase of iris flowers he took care of, though they all wilted away. Irises are flowers that represent hope and faith.

-> As silly as it sounds, I pinpoint him as a Weezer (the band) fan... I can't help but picture him with a tee of weezer's blue album. Lol

- Deepening on the topic of clothing, despite having more than enough money to dress nicely, he can't care that much about it and often just throws on whatever he has at hand.

-> Definitely huge on praise and attention. Despite trying to look confident on the outside and coming off as arrogant, it definitely shows that he's at least a bit flustered. It makes him feel fuzzy inside.

-> Physically, I tend to picture him with messier and slightly longer hair, droppy-ish eyes and a single mole on the left cheekbone. Also slightly a haircut that differs ever so slightly from the anime and manga (See below)

-> Whenever he has the chance, he hangs out with Hikaru, wether it'd be to study or simply talk, who's pretty much his closest friend and one of the few aware of his home life. Which is to say, not often. Because he doesn't really get the permission to go out that much.

-> He's got a pretty low idea of self-esteem and self-image, can't help but feel like he's worth nothing, at constantly being compared to his older sibling and not being able to meet the expectations his family had set up for him.

(Post big cleanup + timeless ideas after the cut!)

POST BIG CLEANUP.

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-> His brother helped him clean up the total mess on his room, which was a tardy process due to all of the stuff littered around. Newly put posters and the order in his room actually does somewhat give a feeling of tranquility.

-> With his family supporting him instead of constantly pressuring him into doing academically better, he does actually manage to raise his grades (That aside, I do believe his parents are still very exigent of him. He did state Takuya supported him from then on, but said nothing of his parents).

-> With a bit more of time and motivation in his hands now, he gets another small flower pot with irises, to put on the side of his desk. They don't wilt this time.

-> Betters his sleep schedule, at least a bit. He still struggles somewhat with scheduling when to do what, when he's at home.

-> Aside from bettering his grades, he also pursues writing and playing the violin a bit more. Also gets into poetry.

-> With his struggles mostly solved and having had worked on himself, he does become emotionally responsible. It's shown he regrets his wrongdoings and actually wants to better himself as a whole.

-> Does manage to get permission from his parents to go out more often now, partially due to Takuya helping, and partially because he raised his grades. Meaning, he hangs out with his friends more often– Namely Hikaru and Ritsu, the latter being one whom he had grown somewhat closer to.

-> Still doesn't know how to dress well, but at the very least actually makes an effort to look neat now. Also, he no longer smells bad.

- Actually a decent boyfriend if given the chance. He's a sweet boy.

-> Although still affected by praise, is somewhat more composed in response to it now, as his self-worth and self-esteem are no longer as low as they were before. Then again, they still aren't very high— Though at least they're no longer pinned to the floor.

GENERAL IDEAS/HEADCANONS,

NO TIME SET.

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶

-> Does not know how to ride a bike for his life.

-> Despite being somewhat skinny and slim, he's fairly strong. For an average fifteen year old boy, that is— He's still not very strong.

-> Very good at speaking in public, doesn't really stammer; also surprisingly cunning and charismatic whenever he needs to be. A good leader needs charisma to actually stay in place, after all.

-> Had he ever gotten a crush, he'd be absolutely whipped, no matter how hard he tries to deny it. All the previously mentioned courage vanishes and is instead replaced by a fake sense of confidence that is completely see-through, due to just how easily his cheeks flush and how shaky his voice gets. He'd probably try and impress the person in every way he might be able to, and then fail miserably most of the times.

- Depending on the person, the somewhat pathetic way in which he behaves would be the reason to getting rejected— Or, in the other hand, a reason to getting his feelings reciprocated.

-> Likes horror games. Like maybe Ao Oni or stuff.

-> Used to be very scared of the dark when he was a child, but grew used to it as he got older, and it now brings him an odd, somewhat sad sense of comfort.

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶

-> I am against the AUs that give him powers, as the lack of them is the key component of getting him to grow as a person, what got him to change. While he did not have psychic powers, he did have an amount of authority -a type of power-, which gave him the confidence and motivation of being bad to others and using them to cope. That's why it's important for him to not have any habilities. They had beat him up OUTSIDE of Salt Middle, where he had no authority whatsoever and was just another boy more— That sensation of helplesness and despair, that power and popularity were indeed not everything, is what got him to change. He knew it'd just happen over and over.

- In the end, reflecting in the solitude about what he has done was what got him out of it. It happened because he was helpless, and it wouldn't have had gone that way in the case of him having psychic powers. Shinji is, in my opinion, a character that it's great never awakened any habilities.

That's all 4 now!!!! I really love Shinji so I think abt him a lot... Do send more asks or even drawing requests if you wanna, I don't mind at all!

[lixenn]

@mimiruku

Getting surprise attacked not by this question! Thank you so much for stopping by Jojo!

Edit: I fucked up and posted this on accident when it wasn't ready yet. So I deleted it and made it a seperate post. Sorry about that OTL

I'll try my best to answer it 🫡 (Disclaimer: the time line here is a bit of a mess. Since Housekeeping AU is pre-canon most of tenth gen would be itty bitty but for the sake of this ask just assume I'm talking about the canon versions)

Dan

Squalo (romantic) Squalo and Dan simply vibe. The Captain and the Chief. Loud and quiet. Co-parenting the assassin nutcases together, complaining about the latest stunt some idiot pulled, despairing over Xanxus throwing stuff habit. They are comrades in suffering, your honour. Their bond is forged with blood (not theirs), ink (from all the paperwork) and alcohol (because they need it), it's unbreakable trust👍(beware the bickering though because there's lots of it when these two get going).

Xanxus (romantic) Now, while Squalo and Dan share similarities, Xanxus and Dan are pure contrast. Xanxus is one of the few people that can really rile Dan up, for some reason he knows how to press all his buttons and regulary breaks Dani-boy out of his shell. Squalo brings calm and rest, while Xanxus brings fire and passion. And lots of swearing.

Lal (platonic) Lal and Dan are a great duo. Both competent, both no-nonsense, both sick of training idtiots and dealing with their bosses. They would get along great, quietly exchanging stories over a glass of wine while their partners off doing stupid shit (which they are steadily ignoring). Their friendship would get so much done, they would terrify anyone into submission with a soul piercing stare, it'd be fun!

Fon (platonic) These two haven't met and I don't know if they ever will but they would chill togehter, drinking tea. Just relaxing. Dan would appreciate Fon's zen and ability to kick ass, because he values competence in all forms.

Tsuna (platonic) Dan truly understands Tsuna's plight. Surrounded by chaos, constantly dragged into nonsense... When you just want some godforsaken peace and quiet. They would bond over the craziness that is their life and Dan would teach alll the ways to cope with the chaos (there may be alcohol involved).

Dave (all platonic cause Dave is on the aro spectrum)

Lussuria Sharing a passion with fashion and gossip, Dave and Luss get on like a house on fire. They regualary meet up for spa sessions where they exchange the hottest tea and bitch about Chief not taking care of himself. Sometimes they fuck, sometimes they just giggle and paint each others nails, it very much depends on the mood.

Reborn Chaos gremlins stand united! Dave and Reborn are two peas in a pod, living for the trolling, making everyone's life hell just for the lols. Chief's chaos sense will go haywire should they ever meet and he will instantly cash in all his vacation days at once, cause he ain't dealing with the clean up no sireee~

Bel Another litlle shit going on the list. Dave and Bel are competing over the top spot of: driving Chief to homicide and let me tell you it's a close race. Davey-boy and Baby-Bel love getting up to mischief together, with Dave trying to hold back some of Bel's murderous tendencies. (Dave prefers pschological torment and he's not really that much of a fan of corpse clean up). You could see their relationship as brotherly but if you mention it to either of them they will probably hiss and bite/stab you.

Haru Dave would find Haru adorable! Look at her! Designing funky custumes, eating all the cake and chasing after love. How cute! Dave approves! They would bake cake together, talking about boys (while Dave gives all the wrong advice because he doesn't know shit about romance actually).

Chrome Dave takes on look at Chrome and instantly takes her under his wing. He'd see the look in her eyes, her shy demeanour and thin figure and feel like he's staring into one of these fun house mirrors. Like recognises like. He'd try his best not to spook her, soften his edges a bit and then get some food in her. They'd cook together with Dave showing her the ropes, telling her funny stories all the while, trying to make Chrome laugh. Their relationship would have a bittersweet taste but with a satisfying finish at the end.

[suzieb-fit]

Had a late snack yesterday. But it's a bit stupid. It's like I made myself do it, lol. I could have quite happily started my timer after dinner, as usual.

No matter how much I try change things to pull away from my long standing issues with eating, I now recognise that I'm just swapping one disordered eating behaviour for another.

That all started after my type one diabetes diagnosis at age 14.

Now that's a whole essay on its own, so I'm not going to get going on that one this morning 😂.

I do occasionally simply want an evening snack, and I can justify it easily because of my lifestyle, etc.

That's fine. But eating for the sake of it to prove just how "free and in control" I am? Well that's just ridiculous. And obviously proves exactly the opposite!

So anyway, back to today.

I got up late. Just didn't want to move! But I did. I made my protein decaff (pre-blended my milk and whey powder last night. Shaking it up in the sealed cup just doesn't cut it, lol).

Lovely and bright out there. I also went against all the sleep hygiene "experts" and left my curtains open last night. Wanted the sunrise to fill my environment before even getting out of bed. And it didn't affect my sleep at all. If anything, I actually slept longer before waking up for the first time. And that was around 4am, when the sun was starting to rise. That tells you something, I guess!

So I call my protein decaff my "pre-breakfast". Just made that up. Yes, I'm breaking my fast, but my real breakfast is back at home. My beloved nuts and collagen coffee.

My blood sugar is still way too high. Ridiculously so this morning, actually.

Just when I thought this insulin pump system was doing a better job. Nope.

I decided to get a high intensity workout in before lunch.

More work for my lower body, and definitely work for my cardiovascular health!

I am once again rethinking my nutrition.

Back to highest percentage of calories from fat, a lower (but still pretty high) percentage of protein and lowest of all for carbs.

My goal breakdown is 55% fat, 35% protein, 10% carbs.

But I'm not going to obsessively tweak, adjust or drive myself crazy by trying to hit those numbers too strictly.

Yes, I personally feel better tracking my food. That's one of my habits that helps that relationship with food. It's how I keep control.

Forever an ongoing work in progress!

So that meant cheese with my lunch again. It's been a while!

Plus sardines are already high in (healthy) fats.

Tiny scrap of greenery to throw in a few beneficial polyphenols.

And hard boiled egg. Eggs are fantastic!

It's interesting to see the difference exercise makes to my food diary.

That whole "calories in/calories out" principle is pretty much just theory. And a very feeble one at that. I only take notice of what I'm eating. Focusing on macro quantity AND quality. But yep, still interesting to look at the comparisons on the app on the rare occasion.

I knew I needed some yoga. My back isn't happy. The homeopath asked me lots of questions about that today. Everything seems pretty "high end" in terns of all my health concerns right now.

She is going to try yet another new remedy. This will ge the fourth attempt.

But hey, I guess that's partly what I'm paying her for. To find something that actually works!

So an average day in general. Not great, not terrible. That's good enough for me.

Gotta keep fighting, moving and smiling 👍

[bugdogg]

I will try to keep this organized, I'm a bit messy with my writing so apologies.

Describing Mizuki's personality: Mizuki is a very optimistic and seemingly oblivious person who has people pleasing habits and sorta sucks-up to anyone who they feel a connection with. They're somewhat self aware of their shitty habits and want to fix it but for now its easier to try to act oblivious towards others as they believe others think they're stupid. They have an inferiority complex, they think they're more pathetic and stupid than they actually are and some of their other traits, like their clumsiness, doesn't make them feel any better about it. They're a very happy person nonetheless and are very enthusiastic about anything new that happens in their life. They're a very polite, shy person when talking but when familiar with someone, will express their emotions much more and often talk too fast for their head because of how rarely they do talk to others, words get jumbled.

Zuki Lore stuff lol: Mizuki has spent the majority of their adult (and late teen) life alone, besides an elderly dog they'd once adopted, they regularly went out and got jobs and such but they never got close with others after they ran away from home and felt very isolated. They barely ever scraped by, and it hasn't changed even as a full-time dog walker, but they're very optimistic about things, despite what they've experienced, and enjoy the job and the dogs whom they see as company. (I'll explain why they ran off someday but for now here's where they were right before meeting Karamatsu)

Mizuki was out walking to their next job when they saw Karamatsu in one of his usual shitty outfits, and they got really excited about his outfit. They admired him for it and wanted to go compliment him, but because they're a big scaredy cat, they basically walked around in a big circle trying to work up the courage to do it. Eventually they went up and complimented him, Karamatsu reacted differently than what Zuki expected cause he started talking and wouldn't stfu. Despite not fully understanding what he was saying, they listened to him and eventually they asked him if they could walk and talk. Mizuki enjoyed talking/listening to him and wanted to seize the opportunity to make a friend. Because they haven't casually conversated with another human being in a long time, they just ended up sounded like some obsessed idiot, which Kara was taken aback by and stopped the "cool guy" act for genuine shock. Anyway, Zuki gives Kara their number and asks him to call to hang out again (Zuki doesn't fear stranger btw (idiot has no self preservation)). And they both separate and neither know if the other will see eachother again

Mizuki doesn't get a call but they do start seeing who they think to be Karamatsu everywhere and they start getting confused. Eventually, it leads to the brothers contemplating lying and pretending to be Kara to hang out, which eventually fails when Zuki meets Osomatsu at a park while walking a dog in the evening. Oso explains the whole spiel about the others and sextuplets and the like. Zuki is hesitant of him as he is a lot more rude than the others, but they walk him home anyways for company. Oso is the one to break the silence and get's on Karas ass for not saying anything about his new "friend".

[barrenclan]

Hi it’s the Great Comet anon, back with a music suggestion/possible theory for Rainhaze this time. I think it would be interesting if he somehow got caught up/involved with Defiance and they’ve subsequently forced him to do some Fucked Up Shit, maybe on the promise that they would help BarrenClan survive if he joined them. Maybe they even made him kill Dustfeather as a test of loyalty, if we wanna go the really awful route. If it turns out that he is with Defiance, then I think that “Just a Man” from EPIC: The Musical would fit him really well, which is a song about a man being forced to do something terrible in order to stay alive and go home to his family. I just think that morally gray Rainhaze would be really interesting lol

Here’s a link to the song: https://youtu.be/Pi-dmufCcng

[Music compilation post]

I've heard a lot of good things about EPIC, and I have always loved The Odyssey. I really ought to sit down and listen to it all sometime.

A song recommendation along with a theory is really cool! Thanks for sharing your idea.

"Will these actions haunt my days Every man I've slain? Is the price I pay endless pain?"

"I'm just a man who's trying to go home Even after all the years away from what I've known"

"When does a ripple become a tidal wave? When does the reason become the blame? When does a man become a monster?"

Yes, I do still take music requests. :] I like songs.

If this were to fit anyone, I'd say it would be Thrasher singing at Hush Puppy. A somewhat more self-aware version of him, anyways.

"Oh, I will ruin you It's a habit, I can't help it I know that you mean so well But I am not a vessel for your good intent"

"Abandon all your stupid dreams About the girl I could have been, my dear 'Cause in the night I know you burn with feelings I cannot return, my dear"

"I will only break your pretty things I will only wring you dry of everything But if you're fine with that"

I think it could, with a central focus on Deepdark and various members of Defiance around him and how they've been affected by his gravity.

"Sometimes the only road to take is the darkest Sometimes all you gotta say is "Daddy, make it go away" Sometimes the only way out is as a carcass"

"You built this ship (you did, you did) And you'll go down with it"

"Sometimes you gotta finish what you shouldn't have started Sometimes you gotta shoot before you see the target Sometimes Daddy's gonna say, "You're not worth the price to pay" Sometimes the tunnel only leads to darkness"

I always love a song that fits purely on vibes. I can totally see this as a voice claim for Ranger and Hacksaw as well!

[dreaminghour]

14, 16, and 17 for the fanfic writer ask game :))

thank you <3 good choices :D

from this ask game

14. what’s your worst writing habit?

possibly forcing myself to write when i don't want to. i used to be quite proud that i wrote no matter what but after a few too many crying fits i realized maybe i need to take more breaks from writing if it isn't going well instead of forcing things. took me a while to realize my bad mood might be burn out... :(

16. where is your favorite place to write?

like with the previous answer, i tried really hard to cultivate no rituals. i wanted to write whenever possible, wherever. that said, i'm usually writing at home, and my dual screen set up is really my favorite.

17. what is your favorite line you’ve ever written?

this is hard... but I often think about this one line at the end of a scene from my unpublished ch 4 of my Game of Thrones fic, Sing Me Safely Home which is about Jon and Tormund going north of the Wall after season 8

They stood in the silence, the dawn coming over them like something too soft, undeserved.

I'm gonna put the whole bit (129 words) leading up to a it behind a jump because it includes some gore and an execution. I love this bit SO SO much! I just need to iron out the end of this chapter and come up with a framing device and I can post it lol... its been waiting on that for a year now though.

"Do it," Tormund said, dropping the man back to his knees. Tormund placed his hand against Jon's, pressing the knife harder against the man's neck. "If you don't do it, he'll run back to his masters and they'll send others after you straight away. Or he'll try again and be less stupid about it." Jon's hand didn't move. “Jon,” Tormund whispered. A fine mist of sleet began to blow, and the cold was eager, but Jon’s grasp slackened. Tormund pressed his hand harder against Jon's, the dagger digging into the man's throat, and blood ran over their hands. The man gurgled, his eyes feral like a silent animal, and he gasped uselessly for breath. They stood in the silence, the dawn coming over them like something too soft, undeserved.

[noraqrosa]

whenever i watch Neon Genesis Evangelion i alternate between relating most to Shinji, Misato, and Asuka (especially Misato in the last few years)

my life truly is a whole-ass mess, but 2021-2022 i went back and forth between making strides & improvements and wanting to just throw it all away on stupid, potentially irreparably life-ruining decisions. and, like Misato, i took a lot of refuge with the latter in exploring myself as a sexual person more than i ever had before, but overdoing it to the point where it was ruining my mental health. i was making decisions that led to me wanting to just completely degrade and debase myself, but like not in a fun way, in a dangerous way.

in a lot of ways, it was an extreme reaction to having grown up constantly trying to be a #GoodBoy, appeasing others to a nigh obsequious degree, trying to follow rules to the letter despite my incredible disdain for authority, constantly trying to make myself look like a model child while inside my brain was resisting all the way and rejecting all forms of conformity in sheer defiance and rebellion. i stopped wanting to be "good" because i stopped feeling any real semblance of good. i wanted to hit rock bottom as a person, wanting nothing more than to be used, abused, and left in (essentially) a state of dependency and no agency. i wanted to be seen as a "d*g*n*rate" freak who only cares about pleasure and ignores my own pain. i wanted nothing more than to be an object and nothing else.

this scene is always one of the from Eva scenes that guts me the most (don't watch if you don't want to be upset by media at the moment):

last time i rewatched NGE i straight up broke down crying at this part. it legit broke me because it was hitting at something i really didn't want to acknowledge in myself. and often still don't.

i've been trying very hard to work on myself over the past year, but it's hard when i'm homeless, mentally ill, and prone to actual literal psychotic episodes. i feel like it's always one step forward, ten steps back, and all that does is hurt myself and my loved ones. i need a space where i can really do all the necessary shadow work (so to speak) to get better, but i don't even know if i can trust myself to successfully do that even in a perfectly safe, cozy situation.

i don't hate myself. i used to, but i've finally come around to loving myself. i just hate the things i do and my worst habits that i have had the most trouble breaking. i don't have those self-destructively wild fantasies and pretensions of debasement (as much) anymore, partially because i have a partner with whom i've been able to work through that stuff in a far healthier way. but i am still very self-destructive and self-deprecating despite my best efforts. heck, i make inappropriate, self-deprecating jokes about my worst habits too much and all it does is piss people off.

i need to get better. i need to get better. i need to get better. i have no choice, and i don't want to be this way.

(oh yeah and being plural complicates this shit even further lol)