#it's still a million times better than longest day tho

[dalesramblingsblog]

Ooh, I have a feeling my review of The Witch Hunters is gonna be a juicy one. I love books where they're undeniably well-crafted and powerful and I enjoy the experience of reading them, but that I find to have some ethical shortcomings.

[bullet-clubs-bitch]

Wardaddy

Summary: Reader finds out she's pregnant  after she lost her title at double or nothing. Will the nickname she jokingly gave her boyfriend “Wardaddy” gain a whole other meaning?  

An: I found this fit in my drafts, wrote it months ago but for some reason never published it? Enjoy, and pls remember to give Wardlow requests in my inbox

Word count: 1132

Main Masterlist Wardlow Masterlist

The internet was a weird place. You always hated the bird app with all of its negativity and BS but here you were scrolling on twitter after you found out why you were trending.  

Your face was shocked when you saw the amount of negative comments regarding your relationship with Wardlow. Sure he was 8 years older than you but for the most part everyone had been supportive of it. It was the AEW locker room who kept trying to set the two of you up for the longest time. You were quite confused on why all of a sudden it was now they were concerned with it. A few months ago you were deemed the power couple of all elite wrestling, on the top of the company both of you holding championships. You had just ended a feud with your real life best friend Britt Baker and her long time boyfriend Adam Cole. 

The fans loved it, mixed tag matches were surprisingly uncommon in aew so when they became a regular occurrence in your feud the fans were quick to eat it all up.

Having had enough of social media for the day you stepped into catering for the first time after losing your championship  two weeks ago at double or nothing. You ran into Britt who had beat you in a no DQ match for the women's championship. 

“Sup, Champ” You called to your friend

“Hey Mama, how’s it going” Britt replied back

“Not much, I'm literally starving. I’ve been oddly hungry the past few days and more bloated than usual.” you said hand on your stomach looking at all of the different options catering had to offer. 

Britt laughed, handing you a plate. The two of you got some food before you found somewhere quiet to eat. Far away from all of the cameras and wrestlers. While you enjoyed your food Britt asked you…

“How’s your shoulder doing?” 

“It can be better, still hurts like a son of a bitch though” you replied, looking down at your shoulder that had been taped together in a million different ways

“Sorry about that again” She apologized knowing she was the cause of your injury

“Why are you sorry, shit happens.” You said a little bit confused on why she kept apologizing. The injury wasn’t even her fault. You were the one that called out the spot with the steps. 

“Medical won’t clear me quite yet, hopefully within the next few weeks or so” you responded oddly calmly, secretly upset you weren't able to compete in the show tonight. 

“Good luck out there tonight, tho. I hope you kick Thunder Rosa’s Ass!” 

“I will don’t worry” Britt responded laughing 

Time skip: 4 weeks later 

“Is it still that bad?” Your boyfriend Wardlow called through the door of your hotel bathroom. 

“I feel like my insides are falling out” you said in agony clutching your stomach as you threw up whatever you had left in your stomach. 

“Can I come in?” he asked nervously 

“No! I'm hideous go away” your words laced with venom as they left your lips. 

The medical staff had finally cleared you to return on this week's episode of Dynamite but your body had other ideas. You felt like you were dying and your poor boyfriend had no idea what to do. He tried his very best and you appreciated it but it came to the point where you just wanted to be alone. You cleaned up and finally stepped out of the bathroom to be greeted by Wardlow. He handed you some fresh clothes. As you were putting on your shirt you looked down at your stomach.

“Did I gain weight” you said as you looked in the mirror

“I think you look fine Y/N” Wardlow replied annoyed you would ask such a question 

“No honestly, I think I did” 

“Y/N, your probably just bloated” he replied rolling his eyes

“Whatever” you scoffed 

You arrived to the arena, looking and feeling like shit. You decided to stop by the doctor to let them know that you weren't feeling the best, all it took was one of the doctors to look at the dark circles under your eyes and pale look in your skin to deem you uncleared for the show tonight. It made you feel like shit, working hard with physios to get your shoulder better only to catch some bug before your return. Thankfully Britt wasn’t booked for the show tonight so the two of you could hang out and watch the show from one of the skyboxes in the arena. 

“So you are still not feeling good?” Britt asked, curiously 

“Yep, I don’t know how this is even possible but I feel like I’m getting worse” You told her truthfully. 

“When was the last time you got your period?” Britt asked, shit, you never even thought about that

“Ummm maybe a few months ago” 

“Have you ever thought that you might be pregnant?” 

“I mean we are careful but that would explain a lot of things”  

“Since we both have nothing to do, how bout we leave the arena, grab a few tests and we can go back to the hotel and see. I’m sure you don’t want to take a test in the locker room with all those nosey people” 

That is exactly what the two of you did, you told your respective partners to meet back at the hotel and let everyone else know that you would be hedging out for the evening. You and Brit ended up getting four different kinds of tests and a few goodies to bring back to the hotel. Unfortunately a fan recognized the two of you at the CVS that just so happened to be next to your hotel. Lying, you said the pregnancy tests were for a segment for the next BTE, now you somehow would have to tell the bucks to include some kind of skit involving pregnancy tests in next week's episode to keep true to your lie. 

Currently you and Britt sat on top of the hotel bed, munching on some chips as you both stared at the blinking screen of the pregnancy test. “How long is this going to take? I feel like we have been sitting here forever” You asked Britt. “According to this it says 5 minutes” Britt responded. 

Just then the test stopped flashing. ‘Pregnant 4-6 weeks’ 

You and Britt had no idea what to say, the two of you in shock at what you were seeing. You were first to break the silence “This has to be wrong. No way I’m pregnant” 

Sure enough you were pregnant. You took 5 more to make sure, all 6 tests saying the same thing. What was Wardlow going to think? 

[cozymochi]

🌻 >:)

IM FOUND ONE OF THESE MEMES IN MY DRAFts! Im gonna rank my experiences in the major fandoms i’ve engaged with.

🩵 YUGIOH! - Second longest running fascination. Upside!! Made life long friends. DOWNSIDE!! Was my first go at online engagement and in those 10 years so much happened that I still can’t help but feel a little sour. …Though ygo back in the day wasn’t good at tag comments, so I didn’t even know those were a thing for years until I branched out. 5/10. But grows to a 7/10 because i’ve settled into a niche area with so few people that it’s now a silly little club. 💕

🧡 Dragon Ball/Z - GENUINE CHAOS. Started off slow but intensified hard cuz get who got involved while Super was airing??? (I didn’t watch it lol), so the discourse and fighting was at an all time high. I have no idea how I even survived this in retrospect. My slight association with people netted me troll asks and my liking of Yamcha also set me up for those. …and frequent art reposting, and quite a few bizarre interactions. Pretty sure my art and edits have circulated more in latin america than I even know. This was also pre-tumblr purge so the amount of nsfw that got thrown my way is… something. That said!! Made also really good friends 💕 and DB/Z probably desensitized me to longer form discussions. 5/10 for insanity, but 8/10 for good reception and VERY PEAK and generous humans.

I think dbz hardened me.

💚 Invader Zim- started off fun (mostly irl with my friendo from days of YGO), but quickly devolved into territory that tested my patience. WHY ON EARTH THIS SERIES’ CONSUMERS had such a huge morality high ground base is beyond me. It’s this fandoms fault I learned about certain modern day online discourse terms and what instilled an irrational posting fear for a year lol. Fun at first and there’s super creative and receptive folk (then those people got kicked out) and left the most insufferable beings imaginable. There’s no in between. Shoutout to all 3 friends made who are still peak. 3/10, if I ever finish any remaining projects or decide to bite the bullet and show completed work, i’m not engaging again. The base just skews somewhere I can’t handle. Which is crazy given the ABOVE contenders have, on paper, done so much more.

dbz hardened me but iz weakened me. Which is probably why i need the formers bootcamp back. Don’t think I’m as fearful now, but i’ll still be salty.

💜 Twisted Wonderland - this is a work in progress experience. Will require further evaluation if all of the above experiences haven’t set my standards. Will stay in my corner. So far it’s 6/10 in vibes (they’re much calmer than the last one), tho I question how much of the interest is from what i do vs. what I did for others. Haven’t shared a ton of opinions yet and god knows lol we don’t want that /s. Still recovering from the former making me wanna just not do much. Baby steps I suppose.

💙 - Sonic The Hedgehog: This is a cheat, I have never interacted with the fandom directly (purely by happenstance, so thankfully no traces exist), but I have been into this since I was a child with no issues. So by default this is the best one. 10/10, didn’t engage, but I do lurk. Though all the stuff I see on tweeter isn’t exactly anything out of the norm for fandoms in general to do, so it weirds me out that people rag on this one for just kinda talking amongst themselves about innocuous things.

“omg this fandom is arguing over QUILL length ughhh can they never be pleased [30 yt videos about this drop]” ngl, this just feels like par for the course junk fandoms do. It really feels no different from DBZ where people go ham about the art style changes and which one is better. Or stupid shit in IZ where they fight about comics vs movie vs show. Like??? The only major difference here is that StH has more people in it (by the millions).

So literally nothing these folk do or say strikes me as anything more serious than what other fandoms already do??? Its just more outsiders see it then churn out content and perpetuate something worse from what’s honestly….pretty tame stuff. Maybe it’s just twitter’s setup given that’s all folk talk about.

[dememetor]

HEY HEY HEY

I love your writing, can I please get jealous hcs for anyone? Please include suna thi he's my latest brainrot hAHA

hi, thanks for the request! and suna brainrot?? bitch me too the fuck. anyways, hope you enjoy~

(also sorry this is kinda late, i've rewritten iwaizumi and bokuto ones a million times)

Haikyuu boys when they're jealous

characters suna rintarou, kuroo tetsurou, iwaizumi hajime, bokuto koutarou, kenma kozume

warnings none but i'm probably gonna say fuck at some point

Suna Rintarou

he tries to be chill about it, he does

it hurts his ego to be this clingy but god

he can't help but to feel that sour sting of jealousy when he sees another guy approaching you

at first will only take a quick glance from afar, just to check if the guy is bothering you, and then promises himself to stay out of your business

well he doesn't

once he decides the guy has lost talking-to-y/n-alone privilege, he will nonchalantly make his way towards you, one hand in his pocket, other sneaking its way to your shoulder, resting his elbow and giving the poor boy a menacing look

he can be pretty intimidating too with that eyeliner and all

(but that look only works on people that don't know him well, he tried it on atsumu once and the latter just laughed in his face)

not the type to be openly jealous but when he sees someone blatantly flirting with you he will start to give you the Glance

blinks slowly (you know, like that one blonde haired guy gif) and looks at you through raised eyebrows as if to say hey babe, i love you and i trust you. what the fuck tho

and when the guy starts being borderline creepy he'll appear between you - and i mean literally will inject himself between you two and strike a conversation with you as if nothing weird happened

they usually get the hint, but this one guy tried to go around him, still rambling about whatever and suna literally turned on his heel and said "come again?" with such unrivaled coldness, his eyes exuding just sheer fucking spite

but like i said, unless the other guy is asking for it, he's not the type to start a direct confrontation

will take you by the hand and leave without much thought because he simply doesn't have the time for that shit

he might seem grumpy afterwards but a couple of soft kisses usually do the trick

soft kisses which are followed by a breathless make out session with you on his kitchen counter because he still wants you to know you're only his

Kuroo Tetsurou

this little bitch

never gets jealous

and i mean never

once pretended he was jealous just to make you feel better (??? his logic? unparalleled) but once you found out you beat his ass

loves it when you get jealous though (he thinks it's cute)

sometimes he does get insecure, but he shows it in an unusual way

like if you've been talking to someone, smiling at your phone for a while he'll just get up and randomly do a couple puhs-ups, start flexing his muscles and shit

all while you're looking at him like,,

"babe, what are you doing"

"oh i didn't think you'd notice me there. since you're on your damn phone all day"

"...are you my mom?"

nah he'll be fine (will steal your phone though)

also it's the funniest thing when he sees someone trying to flirt with you

he will literally walk over there, introduce himself (not mentioning he's your boyfriend) and act really interested in the conversation

he plays this game where he tries to see how long will it take the guy to realise you two are together (longest time: 24 minutes, record holder: yahaba shigeru)

whenever the guy asks you something he will interrupt you and answer for himself as if the guy were flirting with him

"so, like what do you do in your free time?"

"not mu-"

"oh i love taking long walks on the beach, especially during sunsets. i really think it is healthy for the mind and the soul, not to mention quite romantic too. don't you too love sunsets, kevin?"

at one point kevin will have had enough of it

"i was talking to y/n alone here"

"aw don't worry, you're not bothering me"

he is such a pain in the ass

why can't he just be normal

Iwaizumi Hajime

rational, mature, i love him

seriously, he is the bestest boy and he will treat you so well because he trusts you and respects your friendship with other guys as well

but on those rare occasions when he does get jealous,, oh boy

first of all, the PDA skyrockets, he has to have his arm around you at all times - around your shoulder? on your waist? in your backpocket? his hand's been there done that

not in any way possesive but will be really annoying unless you give him your full undivided attention that day

he lets himself be selfish a bit, after all he is your boyfriend he can have you all to himself for a day, right?

jealous sex with him? better prepare a wheelchair cause you want be able to walk straight tomorrow

sees a boy trying to flirt with you? tries not to make a scene but absolutely will throw the first punch if he needs to

one day he was having a particularly rough time at practice and all he wanted to do was lose himself in your arms and fall asleep to the feeling your fingertips tangled in his hair

and then he saw this?? guy? (the audacity!) laughing with you after telling some dumb joke and let me tell you - iwaizumi wasn't having any of it

he came up to you from behind, wrapped his arms around your waist and planted a small kiss on the crook of your neck

"when are we going home, love?"

and he gives him the calmest yet most fear inducing stare from behind you

and suddenly the pattern on poor boy's pants starts to look awful lot like piss stain

it is actually kinda hot how one single look from him can cause such a reaction

"he was just asking about english homework babe"

"yeah that's what they all say"

Bokuto Koutarou

gets jealous so so easily

it is actually fascinating

will get mad at otome games

"what does jumin han have that i don't???"

god forbid you pay attention to your pet more than him (btw you have a golden retriever and his name is bean)

you're sitting on the couch cuddling with your dog, scratching his ears, ruffling his fur and all that, and there he is, your clingy boyfriend, snuggling right next to you, demanding you play with his hair too

so dramatic

"you smiled at him... the way you used to smile at me..."

"bokuto, he's a dog"

the only guy he trusts 100% to be around you is akaashi, even kuroo is on thin ice

but him and akaashi are something else, one time you three had a sleepover and you felt like you were the third wheel

will act like a tough serious boyfriend in front of others, especially your other guy friends but in reality will look for affection immediately after

oh while we're at it - jealous bokuto kisses? are the best kisses

will also force you to wear one of his shirts for the rest of the day

my poor man is so touch starved so when he feels insecure or jealous he will look for comfort in things like holding your hand, nuzzling your neck or giving forehead kisses

but later that day, when you two are sitting on the couch cuddling he will quietly ask you something along the lines of "you still think i'm pretty, right?"

you can feel him all over you - his hands are creeping down your waist, he's pulling you in, deepening the kiss until all you can see, think and feel is him

he wants to show you exactly how much he wants you and what you were missing out on while you weren't paying attention to him

and it shocks you for a moment because you didn't realise just how much that one short moment of jealousy actually stayed with him

you have to reassure him he's the most beautiful boy you have ever met, and not only that, but also the funniest and the most caring person as well, and that you would never leave his side no matter what happened

and as much as he loves getting praised he always gets embarrassed, so he just smiles in return, but he is also happy to know you're there for him and you don't think he is too much

Kenma Kozume

it depends on his mood honestly

sometimes he doesn't mind it even if the other guy is flirting with you and sometimes will get pissy if you smile at the cashier

but when this boy gets really jealous oh my GOD

he is just like bokuto if not worse; he just hides it so well

one time you went grocery shopping with him and spent the entire time texting your friend who had just told you she was visiting your city

and he got so offended

you didn't even notice it until later that day when you came home and he suddenly refused to cuddle with you

silent treatment

lifts his nose and ignores you, only giving you dirty side glances from under the eye

such a massive sense of pride in those 170 cm even oikawa would be impressed

in my country there's a saying "it's in the smallest bottle that the poison lies" and honestly? yeah

at some point you realise why he's acting like that and you start teasing him

"i am not jealous i am just mildly irritated" is the only thing he deems necessary to say before going back to being unnecessarily pissed

he reminds you of an angry cat

it's kind of amusing seeing him like this but you were also getting real tired of his shit

don't even try bribing him (you tried buying him over with a ps5 but he just looked at you unimpressed, disgusted that you think so low of him)

the only thing he will accept is a sincere apology

if it's sincere or not is up to him to decide, obviously

which can lead to quite some bickering

will try to get you to beg but please have dignity, if you do it once he will make you do it every time

yeah generally a lttle shit but his kisses after making up are just as eager as yours so

[yournotsolocalcryptid]

If you are still doing the dialogue prompts could I be super annoying and say that I couldn't decide which ones I liked so I picked out a couple for two different types of fic, I need you to choose for me 😂 12 “Could you ever be happy with me?” 17 “Why are you looking at me like that?” For maybe angsty Billy/Four 20 “Oh, fuck” / 21 “Did you just moan?” 52 “You love me and want to have my babies, I get it” For fluffy friends to lovers with Ben?

I couldn’t decide so I’m doing both. the other one has been already been posted here

Prompt list: 55 dialogue prompts

Prompt(s): 12. “Could you ever be happy with me?”, 17. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Pairing(s): Billy/Four x GN!reader

Warnings: ANGST, mention/implied smut so 18+, fluffyish ending? maybe?, poor writing skills, poorly proofread and poor editing

Word count: 1.5k (I think this is the longest fic I've ever written?)

You had joined the team nearly a year ago and you’d been having the time of your life- or afterlife- ever since. You loved the team, Three made you laugh, two trained you in the gym, five and Seven were like siblings to you, One was like your grumpy yet funny uncle and Four… Four and you had a bit of a complicated relationship. He always seemed a bit distant, you’d see him laughing or chatting animatedly with some of the others and when you’d walk into the room he’d shut down or blatantly ignore you.

You two did have some good times, more than once you’d found him in the kitchen in the middle of the night with a beer and a snack (which incidentally was why you were there as well) and you guys would joke, laugh, tease and just generally have a grand time and then you’d end up bent over the kitchen counter while he slammed into you or with one of you on your knees making the other see stars. but the next day he’d be harsh, dismissive, or in full avoidance mode. You didn't expect him to be different or gentler with you as the sex was never romantic, it was always rough (and mindblowing), you didn't expect a fucking proposal or anything but his hostility irritated you, it made you so angry, but mostly, it just made you so fucking sad and you weren’t quite sure why.

You had no reason to be sad, you had no reason to be hurt by his actions you told yourself repeatedly but... he was so charming and funny and endearing, and that first kiss… you swore it started soft and sweet before it turned rough and sloppy but maybe you just imagined it. Maybe you just wanted to believe he was able to be soft and vulnerable. Either way, you had no reason to be sad so why was there a lump in your throat every time you thought about him?

So you would push down the sadness and act on your anger. You would avoid him harder than he was avoiding you, you would shoot him quick dirty looks and glares when you had to be in a room together and you’d work out harder than you usually did until you’d ultimately end up, once again cuming around his dick while he said the filthiest things in your ear. After the most recent night in the kitchen and Four hadn’t avoided you he just glared and pretend you weren’t there which was almost worse.

Now you were in the gym, beating the shit out of a punching bag, brows furrowed as you fumed about Four. you’d been there what must’ve been about an hour when the door opened and Four walked in. He froze for a moment in the doorway when he saw you, then continued to the other side of the room where he set his things down and wrapped his hands. Then he walked over to the bag next to yours and started punching. This made you angrier. You started punching and kicking the bag harder and harder until you exploded

“What the hell is wrong with you?” you yelled at him “genuinely what the fuck is wrong with you? Your distant, you’re nice, you fuck me, you hate me, you fuck me, you hate me, we get along, we fuck, you hate me! It’s the same fucking thing over and over again! And it’s fucking exhausting!”

Four had at this point, stopped boxing and was staring at you with a look you couldn't place.

“I don't know if you’re worried I’ll get attached if you’re nice to me after we fuck” you were no longer yelling but your voice was still harsh “or maybe you genuinely hate me and you’re only pretending to be nice to me so you can get laid” but even as you said it you knew that wasn’t the truth, you knew he was better than that “and after you’ve gotten what you wanted you can’t pretend any more but... this shit is exhausting” you tone had shifted again. The shouting had turned to a general accusatory harshness which had turned to a quiet voice cracked with emotion. “...I’m just so tired” and with that you turned and left, leaving the few things you’d brought down with you as Four just stood there, frozen.

You made your way to your room and took a shower, all the while willing yourself not to cry because, as you told yourself, you were angry, not sad. So there’s no reason to cry… right? After your shower, you immediately got into bed, wet hair and all, where you just stared numbly until you dozed off.

You were woken a few hours later, by the sound of your door being opened. You rubbed your eyes and sat up to see four standing in your doorway, his figure lightly illuminated by the lights in the hall.

“What do you want?” you asked wearily

He opened his mouth a few times as tho trying to figure out what to say but nothing came out.

You were watching closely trying to read his expression but you count even begin to know what he was thinking or feeling.

“Four?” you pushed

Still nothing.

“Billy?” you prodded quietly “what are you doing here?”

He said nothing. He just looked at you with such intensity but you still couldn't put your finger on what was going on in his head.

“Billy, Why are you looking at me like that?”

A a long beat of silence and then:

“Could you ever be happy with me?”

“What? I-” but you stopped at the look on his face. It had shifted ever so slightly and now it was as if you could read every thought and every emotion and it made the numbness you had forced yourself to feel fade away. It made you want to cry. You’d never seen him look this vulnerable. His eyes were wide and sad and scared, his lips were trembling slightly and his body language was hunched and fidgety. Memories of your first kiss, of the laughter and bonding you’d experienced with him all those nights in the kitchen, of the sex, swirled in your brain as you sat in your bed then, You stood, reached out, took his hand in yours and pulled him to you, engulfing him in a tight embrace. He was stiff in your arms unsure of what to do but desperate to give in and melt into your touch.

“Of course I could be. I would be” you said softly your lips just barely brushing his skin as you spoke and Billy finally gave in. His arms clutched you closer and you could feel him let out a big breath that neither of you had noticed he was holding.

“Then why aren’t we together?” he whispered into your shoulder, his voice cracking slightly “why did I push you away?”

That knocked the wind out of you. You opened your mouth to speak but nothing came out. Why did he sound so broken? Why did that question shatter your heart into a million little pieces? A tear finally slipped down your cheek.

“I-” you started “I don't know”

Billy pulled his face from your neck and looked into your eyes. One of his hands shifted to cradle your head and after a moment of silence he asked “can I kiss you?” he’d said it so quietly you could barely hear it. It was as tho he didn't want you to, as though he feared you’d say no or laugh in his face if you heard him. But you just nodded

His head dipped to meet yours in what was the most melancholy kiss either of you had ever experienced. Your arms shifted around his neck and his hands drifted to your waist as the kiss deepened. Both you and he were lost in each other, from the minute your lips met. When you broke apart his forehead rested on yours and you both just stood there in silence, both afraid to ruin the moment and neither sure of what to say or do next. This was completely uncharted territory for you both. After a while, you gave him a quick sweet kiss, pulled out of his arms, climbed back into bed, and looked at him expectantly.

“Well?” you asked

“Well… what?”

“You coming?”

“what?” he was so unsure of himself within this moment that nothing was making sense.

You rolled your eyed at his cluelessness and reached out to him with grabby hands

“Oh.. yeah” he climbed into bed with you and You both fidgeted and shifted until you were comfortable in each others arms.

After a few minutes of silence, you said “Billy?”

He hummed in response

“If you ever treat me like that, if you ever hurt me like that again, I’m gone”

He placed a kiss on your forehead and said “as you should be”

writing taglist: @transeliot

if you'd like to be added or removed from my writing tags just lemme know :)

[faerielleart]

GIRL GGFJFJVGDJD OK UMMM let me see... what do you like about levihan? or do you have any unpopular opinions? or headcanons!

oh boi i hope i won’t rant too much, i don’t want this answer to be a thousand miles long i don’t want to seem boring-

OKAY let’s start

What i like about levihan: i have to start with a lil background a say that levihan is my longest ship i’ve ever had, it’s the only one who survived time and the only ship i have never stopped shipping/lost interest into, which is kinda rare for me since i switch interests a lot and go through hyper-fixations, so i tend to lose interest quickly in something once i’ve found something else to pay attention to

this, however has never happened with levihan: started shipping them when i was 12, still trash 7 years later skdjdjfjf i didnt start shipping them for special reasons tho, at the time aot was my first ever still on air anime and i was completel new to the community, plus i didnt really speak english well and the first episodes i watched confused me A LOT. However, amidst all that confusion and trying to remember names and plot points, episode 9 came, i got introduced to this character who apparently is named levi, the first information the scene gives the watcher is “this guy is a grump” based on his reaction to the crowd, the second information the scene gives to the watcher is “this person next to him, despite him being a grump, isn’t afraid to tease the shit out of him and we still don’t even know their name” which i found ??? Cool??? I immediately paid attention to this lil dynamic, then the next scene was the hairgrab scene and,,,,,, yeah my 12 year old braincells went into overdrive and i was completely sold

i just needed them to interact once and BOOM

but OBJECTIVELY i still find extremely telling, years later, how these were the first informations of these characters. In a narrative, character’s introduction is absolutely crucial to the story, you can understand millions of things just by the way a character is presented and says their first lines and honestly choosing to introduce levi and hanji together was imho very, very telling of what role they’d play in the story/what role they play in each other’s lives.

isn’t it strange that the very first infirmation we get of these two is that the grumpy one is okay with this person teasing him? that means there’s gotta be a level of familiarity among them, right? and the hairgrab? requested by isayama himself? in the official book of season one it also says that the scene was added to “show their relationship”??? i mean 2+2 is 4 where i’m from 👁👄👁✨

so yeah my dumb 12 year old brain had FORESIGHT apparently-

as i picked up the manga and read through the uprising (and got older and my english got better) i noticed more and more things about them and i just really freaking fell in love with their relationship okay it wasn’t “oh cool grumpy and sunshine who teases him”, more like “holy fuck grumpy has a sad backstory, seems unapproachable but is the kindest person ever, just wants to be a hero and save everyone, has the most tender heart, sunshine is a multi dimensional character who has fears and doubts and they work so well together despite being polar opposites but at the same time their oppositeness results in somehow them being completely in sync with each other and almost thinking with the same brain as if they were one person split in half”.

since they’re grown adults and they’re so close, their relationship has something that i always seek and almost never find in other ships, which is emotional maturity. You never see them purposely tearing each other down just to hurt the other, they work out their problems and C O M M U N I C A T E ✨ they don’t act childishly around each other, they tease and bicker but it’s completely different than full blown arguments where both parts disrespect the other just to prove their point. They are willing to listen to what the other has to say and their judgment is precious and welcomed, since the basis of their relationship is complete trust. levi is rough with words, but he means something else entirely despite what he conveys, as seen during the aftermath of eren’s first hardening experiments, and hanji totally understands what he wants to say, which is why they never reprimand him or take offense to what he says.

what i’m trying to say, i believe in a way that nothing is half-assed about how they were written in the story as a pair, despite how i disagree with certain narrative choices *ahem*; as much as i would have wanted them to have more screentime and more interactions, i believe it wouldn’t have been “in character”, lemme explain because i realize it sounds weird and my wording probably doesn’t help: their relationship is subtle and as such it should remain subtle and in the subtext, simply because it is none of our business as readers. Show, not tell, but show in a way that it is evident only if you pay attention. levi is blunt when he speaks, but at the same time his words have another meaning than what he conveys and his actions are subtle.

isn’t it obvious with how often it was remarked that the only person who is able to understand levi completely is hanji? and this is where chapter 132 comes into play with this amazing analysis post that i’m sure we all read a thousand times and screamed over it

all this “ambiguity”, all this subtlety, all this subtext, all this wordplay, words that have more than one meaning, i believe are all indicators of one thing: us readers are not able to understand comple what levi wants to say and his words result ambiguous to us and not 100% clear, simply because the readers are not hanji. but fortunately, i believe that hanji understood that levi too wants to “stay in the forest”. this is not the reaction of someone who is confused by a sentence, this is the face of someone who finally had a realization:

what kind of realization? it’s not up to us to know (tho we know *wink wink*), because we’re not hanji and we can’t understand what levi says.

plus, 心臓を捧げよ, “dedicate your heart”, can hold a million different meanings. 心臓 is heart, を is a particle that denotes the object, 捧げよ is the verb “to offer, dedicate, devote, sacrifice”, there are no adjectives that indicate possession as you can see; levi using his own left (not right) fist and placing it on hanji’s chest instead of just taking hanji’s hand and placing it on their chest is ambiguous too. i interpet it in different ways but the conclusion is one, and i can’t honestly see it in any other way. one of the interpretations i like the most is that levi is implying that they both share the same heart, which is why he used his own left hand, meaning that both of them are dedicating their hearts in that moment to humanity, because they are actively choosing to put their desires aside to live a peaceful life away from everything (as jean too has wished in chapter 127, as hanji has expressed in 126 but in 127 too and jean seems taken aback by their confession) since they’re soldiers and duty comes first.

so yeah if i have to choose something i love the most about levihan, it’s gotta be the subtlety and the ambiguity that at the end of the day, is absolutely not ambiguous at all. everything is expressed for a reason, if an author actively chooses ambiguity, in this specific case of a relationship, he intends the result not to be ambiguous. it sounds like a brain fart but i blame it on my inability to articulate my thoughts well, i hope what i want to say can be understood 😭 and in a way, this can be considered as an unpopular opinion i think?

meaning that i get that commonly someone might want an explicit declaration that leaves no room to doubt and I honestly wish for it too, but I don’t think it would be in character, and the ambiguity (if we can call it that, i’m calling it that just to avoid backlash and controversy jshfsjdjmd) in this case speaks enough volumes to me considering both of the characters we’re dealing with, the story as a whole, the interactions with other characters.

ALSO going back to their bond, i want to copypaste something i posted on twitter regarding chapter 126 and the blush: it doesn't make sense, character-wise, for Hanji to feel in any way embarassed around Levi. They have no filters whatsoever around each other. They are close, closer than anyone in the series, the author hasn't shown any embarassment between them. Back in Uprising, when Hanji was hesitant and wanted out, Levi was the one who encouraged them. So, this thing has in a way already happened, since back then they admitted to wanting to abandon responsibilities to Levi's face and didn't blush. So, in 126's context, it doesn't really make sense for Hanji to blush "only because they were embarassed at being caught wanting to run away". It happened once already and there was no blush. So yeah, the blush means something else. And that something else is definitely much, much, MUCH deeper than "embarassment". 🙌

since smartpass stories can absolutely be taken as part of the canon universe as they’re supervised and approved by isayama and published with the manga, i am adding the rain story as further proof of what kind of relationship they have. also levi being a 30 year old tsundere is adorable but movING ON

SO YEAH MY FINAL TWO CENTS ARE : i love everything about levihan and there isn’t a single thing i would change, because wanting aot to be a huge slice of life of them doing the most random things just to watch them interact doesnt count sjdjfjdjdjfjsmdm, my unpopular opinion is that i find the subtlety and the ambiguity KEY to doing justice to what they have because it’s none of us readers’ business because only they are able to understand each other and i fucking LOVE that, my headcanon is that they totally kissed once during the timeskip, maybe on the first anniversary of the battle of shiganshina, i see them not being able to sleep alone and finding comfort in each other and in a moment of weakness and vulnerability they kiss, but pretend it never happened because things are messy and they can’t afford to get involved because again, duty first, but the YEARNING™️ and the PINING™️ only intensifies after that, but they manage not to make things awkward and they are close as ever.

my GOD i rewrote the odyssey, sorry 😭

[grlfriends]

giovanna give us your #controversial kpop takes!! you seem passionate abt ***** being mediocre 👀👀👀

omg anon this is definitely going under a read more

ok so it's not that I think they are mediocre but rather that I know how much being from a big company can determinate your success, onces will go on and on about how much jyp was broke before them and how sixteen had a low viewership rate and how jyp was almost "out" of the big3 (a lie bc if that was truly the case then yg wouldnt be considered big3 rn, big3 is about how much influence and power you have on media yes it's related to how rich the company is but not all that matters when we all know that's not even being considered by anyone lmao) but at the end of the day no matter what they were still under big3?? the amount of money they had to even START a show about the group and then to film the like ooh ahh mv was huge man, onces make it seem like they had 10 dollars and a dream when that was definitely not the case, I know I seem bitter about this but bc I'm a fan of a group who was truly in that situation it just seems so fake and attention seeking?? yall know how much an mv like like ohh ahh and cheer up cost?? yall know how much producers and outfits and hair and makeup and studio and everything else costs?? jyp was always powerful and just bc they were in a bad time and bc they got more rich after twice it doesnt mean they were # broke before them, of course luck is a factor in any situation but let's be honest, do you think if a company was that broke and if twice had done that badly in their debut an mv like cheer up would even exist?? it's expensive y'all

also about the mediocre thing: I dont think they are mediocre but rather that no twice track has made me fall in love with them, I do like some songs but that's it, I feel like after their cheer up promotions jyp was very smart and played all the right moves and got them even bigger, they are not mediocre but we all know jyp has a fucked up ear that has rejected THE iu and THE yuju which is now considered top3 best vocalists of the 3rd generation (along with eunji from apink and wendy from rv) and I dont think they have been necessarily giving them the songs that fit their voices the best, some of them are able to adapt better (nayeon) and some are not (ie: momo voice was too deep for some of her parts in more and more), at the end of the day it still sounds nice if you're not listening to the live locals, their choreography is okay but is more focused on going viral than anything lmao, it's not bad but you can definitely see the comeback their team opened their email box and found out about all the emails about onces having to defend themselves bc twice had easy choreographies and SOME members were still not doing okay vocally and then decided to turn up their difficultly level to catch up with the current trend among ggs at the time ON THE TOP OF making them a token gg (along bp) to white gays listen and like bc they werent cute like that anymore and were doing hard choreographies so they were # not like the other ggs and this only expanded twice fan numbers in western countries (I also think that the bigger a group is the more their fans get obsessed with them and stop caring about their song quality and only listen to them bc they're a fan not bc they truly enjoy the music anymore you know?? I feel like feel special was okay but if a smaller gg like idk weki meki (I know it's not their sound but bear with me) or even a nugu gg like pink fantasy had released it it wouldnt have achieved 10% of the numbers it did or even made these groups have a bigger fanbase you know??) so do I think if they were from an actual broke nugu company they would have be as famous as they are now releasing the same songs? no and there's nothing wrong with that, kpop isn't a talent show and it's more about how well known you are with the most basic stuff

once again, I know this is too big of an essay for someone who has said they dont think they are mediocre but honestly that's my opinion and at the end of the day it doesn't matter bc they're still million sellers but that's my opinion ✌🏻 also do I think they're the nation's gg? no that's snsd and will always be

other hot and spicy takes:

bgs should go cute again, where's my fresh and energizing concepts?? astro why did you leave us in the dark?? sm why did you ruin nct dream when you could have made them comeback under another name/unit and make dream remain with the cute concept still

if any bigger gg had released queen by 3ye everyone would have lost their minds, it's the girlboss anthem everyone is looking for and no one knows about, everything from choreography to the lyrics is what blinks think bp is doing in terms of power

I miss gfriend intros so much :(( source PLEASE listen to this poor soul and give us intros, i cant stop thinking about how good the sots album intro would have been with that yuju siren call notes

also about gfriend but ma'am. apple supremacy, this is hands down their best release and best album this year (even tho I'm in live with three of cups and grwm for as long and the songs have been out) and also I wish crossroad had a bigger impact in the instrumental, the guitar should have been louder and it should have appeared sooner, the post chorus (that part they sing about the star) should have something more so it wouldn't feel as flat as it kinda did

↳ and I think that the beginning and bridge choreography should have been not that, specially the bridge..... that arm movement and the walking becomes okay after a while and getting used to it but still, it should have been anything else, let sinb choreograph a part of the title track for a change please

normalize people saying gfriend were robbed in 2016, rough WAS the 2016 soty and no one can tell me otherwise, people were so mad a nugu gg had the catchiest song of the year 2 years in a row (me gustas tu and then rough) they literally boycotted my girls 🤒

CONTROVERSIAL but I dont think rv has the best choreography and bsides in kpop..... their fans are just too used to noise and saying everything is # a concept (but the Russian roulette mini album DAMN it was amazing)

↳ also their title tracks..... it's been a wild ride but the ride is in flames and about to explode

I miss seventeen fun songs, now they're all about being edgy and dark and it's okay I guess but I miss their early days so so much, everything since thanks (even tho it was released close to my bday I have to admit I dont think it's that good either....) has not been it and it made me stop being a fan, I loved them so so much once and now all I have is old pretty u performances and funny gifs of them on their gose eps 😔 svt comeback with the pastel colors I miss those days of your youth

↳ also I cant believe pledis still has trainees when they're probably going to debut another bg when svt enters military years and then will be working in their solos and/or units since a gg wil be boycotted by pledis after 2 years maximum

the loona lore is 100% more about orbits going crazy over anything than BBC actually planning out stuff, their mvs are like any other aesthetic mv y'all

↳ also on the loona topic I dont think they're the powerful dancers people make them out to be, they have beautiful choreographies and are in sync that's all

↳ can orbits please STOP the ch*ves madness, yves is so straight it hurts and people are turning this into a l*rry of kpop almost

↳ when is haseul coming back 😭 people are calling Kim lip the leader for the longest time and it makes me mad seeing haseul forgotten like that.... maybe when she comes back loona will stop having those sm adjacent (derogatory) songs

I cant believe korean people have turned as you wish by wjsn the top end of the year song to enter the new year when dreams come true is RIGHT!! THERE!!! as is just much better by simply being good where as you wish, well, it wishes 😶

↳ ot13 wjsn was the best and their only good releases as ot10 was boogie up and save me save you, yuehua and starship if any of you break ot13 I'm going insane and beating everyone involved

cant believe non stop was the sing that made oh my girl famous when closer exists and they were not problematic yet, non stop is an attack on peoples ears and sucks so bad there's nothing remotely good or even okay about it (actually, their last good song was a-ing bc that's when jine was there 😢 other than that bungee was okay and banana allergy monkey was quite catchy too) also yooa has an annoying voice idk how they chose HER to debut solo

[notveryglittery]

@sleepless-in-starbucks: Me: Damn I wish I had an excuse to write creativisleepality :/ Me: Sees your post Me: Forget excuse I have an OBLIGATION to write qpr creativisleepality with insecure!Roman because like. I’m a predictable shit. Also just a heads up my wifi’s been crap all evening so like. If this arrives late. Blame my damn connection for being sunshine-phobic

(Warnings for aphobia, insecurity, all that fun stuff. happy ending tho because y'all know me)

dani: Y’ALL I’M GONNA NEED YOU TO PAUSE WHATEVER YOU’RE DOING AND READ THIS RIGHT NOW. lia is a blessing, an absolute delight and joy and i love her with my whole entire heart!!!! this made me very happy and relieved and yeah it’s just really really good 

Roman was finding the urge to slam his head into the wall a very difficult one to resist. It had been what felt like the longest day of his life, brimming with an overly critical director, some sneering possible cast members who had mocked his make-up, and particular idiot who Roman had thought was going to be the one spot of light in his day until… that happened.

Roman gave up and let his head hit the wall once, leaving it to lay there when the thought of Patton seeing him like this managed to stop him from continuing the process until the wall had a good hole in it. Remy would probably be upset, too, of course, but Patton would most likely cry, and Roman would sooner fall into an ocean of fire than hurt either of his loves.

“I mean… can you even call them loves?”

Roman curled one of his hands into a fist at the fragment of a memory. He could, damnit, screw Anton and his stupid face and his stupid words and his stupid, stupid reasoning…

“…Babe?”

Roman jerked out of his thoughts, realizing that Remy had come up to him, his Starbucks-barista-turned-partner frowning at him in worry.

“Yes, my darling?” Roman asked, pushing himself off the wall, trying to maintain his image.

“Are you alright?” Remy said, a perfectly reasonable question given Roman had been lying against the wall for five minutes, seemingly completely unaware of Remy’s presence next to him for a good minute of that time.

Roman plastered on a smile, hoping it looked even semi-convincing. “Of course! Why ever would you even have to ask?”

Remy reached forward, still frowning as he pushed Roman’s bangs behind his ear. Roman instinctively leaned into the touch, trying to not look pitiful while he did so.

“Honey,” Remy said, softly, and Roman really must be failing at this whole acting thing if Remy’s sounding that worried, “what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Roman assured. “I’m fine.”

Remy didn’t respond for a moment, continuing to frown at Roman until he wanted to squirm away. Finally, after what felt like an eternity to Roman, Remy moved forward, his free arm wrapping around Roman’s waist, the hand he had on Roman’s cheek slipping behind his head and tangling itself in Roman’s hair. Roman froze for a second, the surprise hug startling him, especially from Remy. He was generally pulled into hugs and cuddle piles by excessive grabby hands and whined complainants from Roman and Patton.

Recovering from the surprise, Roman couldn’t be bothered to resist the embrace, wrapping his arms around Remy’s waist as he slumped into Remy, burying his head in the crook of Remy’s neck. He took a deep breath. Remy smelled like coffee beans and warm leather and sage and comfort and home.

Remy scratched the back of Roman’s head comfortingly. “Tired?”

“Mmmhmm.”

“Long day?”

“Mmmmm.”

“Long day that did not go fine despite all your lies?”

Roman started to hum in agreement again before he realized his mistake, immediately trying to pull away from what he now recognized as a trap hug. Remy’s grip only tightened, however, still too comforting for Roman to truly want to fight it.

“You’re really out of it if you fell for that, sugar.” Remy cooed before yelling over his shoulder, “Patton! Roman had a sucky day and he tried to lie about it!”

Roman didn’t know if he closed his eyes for a moment and missed him, or if his marshmallow boyfriend had simply forgotten to mention that he had teleportation abilities, but one minute Patton wasn’t there and the next he was pressed against Roman’s back, hugging Roman tightly enough he was surprised Remy still had a hold on him, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck.

“Baby, we talked about this.” Patton scolded, though his tone was so light Roman was fairly certain he was saying it more because he felt he had to say it than anything.

“I know, I know.” Roman said. “But it’s really nothing, the halves of my heart. Just something stupid someone said-”

“If it’s upsetting you, it’s not nothing.” Patton interrupted him, softly speaking, moving one hand to Roman’s hip so that he could rub circles into the skin. “What did they say?”

Roman opened his mouth to respond, to pass it off as simply as he could, to prove to them it was just some pointless comment he should have disregarded immediately anyways, and heard a sob come out instead, which was doing WONDERS for his image of ‘still wonderfully put together.’ The hand in his hair stilled in surprise, and Patton made a sound of hurt. Their worry only made Roman feel worse, and he couldn’t stop himself before the next words were spilling out, “I’m sorry I don’t love you enough.”

More sounds of pain, this time not just from behind him, but Roman ignored them, pressing his head further into Remy’s shoulder as if that would block out the entire world. He felt more than truly knew they were moving, though he didn’t focus on where or how. At some point his legs got tucked up so that they were resting on something, the warmth around him shifted but never enough so that it was truly gone, somehow ending up so that almost nothing had changed aside from the fact that the amount of effort he had to put into existing was substantially lessened.

That made it a lot easier to cry, hating that he was staining Remy’s shirt but knowing he couldn’t stop even if he tried. The warmth of his boyfriends’ around him didn’t seem to mind, hands gently running across his skin, a mix of soft pet names and quiet shushing sounding around him. Eventually his tears stopped falling, his sobs turning into hiccups that turned into nothing, until all he was doing was holding onto Remy and trying to sink into him and escape the world.

“Sweetie? Sweetheart?” Roman hummed in response to the names that were clearly being directed at him, still refusing to remove his head from the dark, warm safety of his boyfriend’s shoulder.  There was a sigh that sounded caught between amused and concerned. “Please, love, we need to talk.”

Roman groaned and tilted his head, still resting on Remy as he looked over at Patton. They were all cuddled together on the couch, Roman securely held in Remy’s lap and against his chest while Patton remained wrapped around his back, better positioned to look at Roman, his sweet honey eyes laced with worry. Knowing he was the cause of it, Roman almost started crying again, not sure how he could vanquish it but knowing he would do anything to replace it with happiness.

“Hey, shh, it’s alright, you’re not in trouble.” Patton said immediately, cupping Roman’s cheek with one hand, brushing away the beginnings of new tears. “I just- We just want to know- Ro, starlight, why don’t you think you love us enough?”

Roman would have shoved his head back into the crook of Remy’s neck if Patton’s gentle but firm grasp wasn’t stopping him, forcing him to hold eye contact with his partner, half of his entire life, one of two people he’d willingly die for in a heartbeat as he said, as unashamedly as he could, “We’re just partners.” Patton’s brow furrowed even more, and Remy once more tightened his grip around Roman, and it took all his willpower to choke out, “We’re just partners, and not dating, and that’s it, that’s all we are, and you’re both just so wonderful you deserve more, and it’s not fair to you that you’re stuck with me and that, and-”

“Roman, please, please baby, stop!” Patton said, distressed, and Roman shut up. Patton was cupping both his cheeks now, running his thumbs over them repeatedly, as if he wasn’t just trying to comfort Roman but himself as well.

“I’m going to kill 'em. You said someone said this to you?” Remy asked, aggressively, nearly growling when Roman nodded. “Bullshit. It’s bullshit.”

“Language.” Patton said automatically, snapping Remy out of his mood.

Remy sighed, going back to running his fingers through Roman’s hair. “They’re wrong, sweetheart, completely wrong.” He reassured Roman, voice much softer now. “You love us more than enough, whatever they said was just stupid.”

“I- I know you say that, but-” Roman paused, searching for the words. “Kisses, and holding hands in public, and all of that… I can’t- I don’t offer you any of those things, and you deserve them so much, and that’s not fair to either of you.”

Remy chuckled, and the sound echoed through Roman’s chest. “Gurl, I feel like you’re forgetting I’m aro too. I don’t care about any of those things- I just care about you.”

“And we love you.” Patton added. “We love you because you’re an amazing cuddler and you love to sweep us off our feet and you have the most beautiful singing voice in the entire world and because we know you love us so, so much, and the fact that you don’t love us romantically isn’t even close to important.”

“And you love us too, right?” Remy asked.

Roman almost tripped over his words rushing to answer, unwilling to leave a single second empty without his promise, “Of course I do! I just-”

“Than that’s enough.” Remy cut him off, and it was so simple yet so adoring, coupled with the look Patton was giving Roman, like he’d hang the moon for him while Remy pinned up the stars, that every word that jerk had said melted away in an instant, like a million pounds right off his shoulders, leaving him so free and alive that Roman couldn’t help but lunge forwards a bit, twisting himself so that he could wrap his arms around Patton, pulling him backwards so they more or less landed on Remy, all pressed against each other and warm and real and solid beneath his fingers.

“I’m sorry.” He said, and continued on swiftly, before Patton or Remy even had a chance to speak, “I’m so sorry I listened to that bastard. He was an idiot, you’re so right. I’m so sorry. I love you, I love you so much, you mean more to me than any part in any play, than any gem or jewel, my dearhearts, my treasures, my loves.”

Patton giggled, and Roman couldn’t help the smile that suddenly blossomed on his face as Patton pressed a quick kiss to his forehead before just resting his own on Roman’s, whispering happily, “It’s alright, my prince, we know.”

“We know, but I still want to hear it more.” Remy protested, and Roman laughed as he turned his head back towards him, Remy’s dark eyes alive with amusement and glittering with love purer than freshly fallen snow.

“I love you.” Roman obliged him, hugging Patton closer to him even as he still watched Remy, “I love you more than summer sunsets and spring dew and winter frost and autumn colours. I love you more than sugar cookies and hot chocolate and crackling fires and-”

“-and more than the smell of coffee and crisp apples and fuzzy socks and soft pajamas and late night movie marathons and early morning grumbles and a thousand other musings.” Remy took over for him, smiling both smugly and softly as he brushed through Roman’s hair. “I love you all that and a million times more.”

“Cheater.” Roman accused heatlessly. “That’s my move.”

“It’s what you get for loving a dirty thief.”

“Pretty thief.” Patton corrected with his own smile, blindly reaching a hand back that Remy took immediately. “Pretty thief of our hearts.”

“Only after you got mine, cocoa bean.” Remy matched, lazily intertwining his fingers with Patton’s.

Roman reached a hand over as well, grasping around theirs. “You never stole my heart.” He said teasingly. “Considering you are my heart.”

“Your two perfect halves- yes, we are aware.” Remy said exasperatedly, but there was a fondness in his tone Roman knew he couldn’t shake. “You’ve got to come up with some better lines, doll.”

“Says Mr. Twenty-One-Nicknames.” Roman replied.

“You know you love them.”

“Do I know that?” Roman asked, laughing as Remy gasped in faux hurt. Patton laughed, too, shaking their held hands.

“You two are impossible.” He said, cheerily despite the chiding words. “I’m never going to get dinner made at this rate.”

“You’re welcome to go make it now.” Remy invited, though they all knew he wasn’t serious.

That didn’t stop Roman from tangling his legs up in Patton’s, whining, “Noooooooo, you have to stayyyyy.”

“But dinner… if I don’t go make it now I’ll never make it…” Patton trailed off, sounding more interested in staying.

“Then don’t go.” Roman offered, pushing his head up enough to nestle it against Patton’s shoulder, trying to sweeten the pot. “Stay and cuddle me.”

“And why should I prioritize that over dinner?”

“Because I’m still a little sad and I don’t want to let you go.” Roman said, blinking his eyes as sadly as he could for extra effect.

“Plus cuddling tops, like, all things.” Remy pointed out. “And I the remote’s in reach, and I think the Little Mermaid’s still in the player-”

“Cuddling on the couch it is!” Patton decided suddenly, finally releasing his boyfriends’ hands so that he could turn over and burrow into Roman’s chest, loosely hugging Roman as he settled in. Remy laughed as he snagged the remote, flicking on the tv and the corresponding underwater scene.

“And all it took was Disney.” Remy commented in amusement, dropping the remote as he shifted and wrapped his arms around both Roman and Patton. “We are going to get hungry eventually, though.”

“That’s a problem for later.” Patton said, and Roman was quick to agree with him, his arms still holding Patton against him even as he moved his hands to lay over Remy’s. Squished between his boyfriends now, tropical tunes starting up in the background, he couldn’t believe he had given Anton’s words a single moment of his time.

He didn’t need romance to love Patton and Remy- all he needed were eyes and half a brain. 

Roman sighed, feeling more content then he ever had before. “I love you guys.” He said, softly, sweetly, simply.

“Love you too.” They both chorused at once, their care as tangible as their arms around him, and that was all Roman needed to know they loved him just as much as he loved them.

And that would always be enough.

(No editing we die like men- aka sorry if this is bad but like. I tried. Hope it makes you feel even a little bit better :) <3)

[spriggan675]

female!Reader and BT Leon where he takes her out for a fancy dinner and he's all nervous because he's going to pop the question :> and things get saucy after, HAH

HELLO!

He knew you were going to say yes, why wouldn't you? The two of you had talked about marriage for a long time and came to the conclusion that the two of you would, in fact, be married one day. Even though he knew you wanted this just as much as he did, why was he still nervous? The actual act of acting you to marry him was what was throwing him off. He imagined doing it a million times over, he had everything perfect inside his head.

He reserved a spot at the best restaurant he knew. He knew it wouldn't be busy that night, so he wouldn't have to be worried about being swarmed with fans. He had written a little speech... One that he had rehearsed many times over, to tell you how much he loved you and how much you had meant to him over these years. He planned on spilling his heart out to you the moment he had dropped to his knee. The ring was perfect too, something simple, a white gold band with your favorite stone embedded in the very middle. He wanted, no, needed to make this absolutely perfect for you. You were absolutely perfect to him, so why shouldn't he?

He picked you up early that night. You could tell he was a little bit on edge, and you absolutely suspected something. The way his laugh was a little too loud, the way his fingers trembled when he took your coat. He was good about treating you like his princess, but tonight felt... different. The smile never once left your face that night as he sat you down at a table near the window of the restaurant with the most beautiful view of the city. He was particularly quiet as the two of you ordered your food, and you caught him staring at you as you peered over your menu.

The tension was really building as the dinner progressed. Leon had calmed down somewhat as you made casual conversation over your meal, but the weight of the ring in his pocket was bearing down on him greatly. He wanted to pick the perfect moment for it after you had finished your dinner, just as dessert was being brought out. He had everything planned perfectly, but what he hadn't counted on was the knot that was building in his throat. He looked at you over the table, the soft glow of the candle on the table creating a light in your eyes that shined perfectly every time you looked at him. You were perfect in every possible way, you were the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with... Now, to actually make that happen.

"Are you feeling okay?" You asked, tilting your head and reaching out to place your hand on top of his. Leon blinked a few times, he had been staring again without even noticing it. His fingers reached around yours, intertwining in a soft embrace that made you smile.

The waiter came over and took your plates, clearing the table. "Would you like anything for dessert?" He asked, and without thinking, Leon shook his head no. The waiter nodded to him and left the check at the table for him to take care of.

"No dessert? Okay..." You said with a small smile. You were talking about wanting to try their cheesecake all night, why would he say no?

Leon quickly realized what he had done and panicked. He cleared his throat to try and open his mouth to say something, but no words came out. His heart began to race, he had messed up, but he could still fix this. Dinner was over, it was now or never. He had all of this planned, he was going to look you in the eyes and say your name, and then drop down to one knee. He would begin telling you how much you mean to him, just like he had been practicing all week. He even had it all written down on a note in his pocket to help him in case he needed it.

He looked you deep into your eyes, and you felt your own heart thump in your chest. Again, he opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. His voice was lost to him, but he had to push through it. He had to! Leon pulled his hand from yours, almost knocking over his wine glass as he did, and reached for his coat pocket. The ring was there next to the note he had, and when he grabbed it, he grabbed the ring tight in his fist and he watched the note tumble out and onto the floor. He grits his teeth, wanting to grab it, but it had fallen under the table where he couldn't reach. He looked back at you, the panic building up in him, but it was too late. He looked at you and saw that you had your hands over your mouth, tears beginning to prickle the corner of your eyes.

Now or never.

With one fluid motion, he slipped out of his chair and onto the floor, down on one knee. He was silent, an intensity in his eyes as he stared at you and held out his hand for you to take. Your tears began overflowing and falling down your cheeks. You reached out your trembling hand and rested it in his palm. He held you tight, and without a word, he held up the ring.

The dam seemed to burst, as you started crying hard, nodding your head vigorously and then threw your arms around his neck. Around you, the other diners gave you happy applause as you accepted his proposal, but neither of you heard them. Leon was absolutely starstruck with you and held you tightly in his arms as you cried into his shoulder. You pulled back, trying to keep your tears from ruining your makeup, and he smiled brightly at you as you tried and failed to dry your eyes. He took your face in his hand and kissed your cheeks, loving every part of you just then, and then took your hand yet again. He slipped the ring onto your finger and you both looked at it for the longest time, admiring its shine in the dim light of the restaurant.

The rest of the night seemed to go by in a blur. Leon had other things planned for the both of you that night, but all you wanted to do was go home and call everyone you knew. Leon eventually agreed and took you back to your home, where you then called your mother, your father, your friends, that one person you met in third grade and hadn't spoken to since... Bottom line was, you were excited.

Eventually, you hung up your phone and tossed it onto the bed, finally done. You stared down at the ring once more, smiling happily at it, and then Leon came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist. You smiled up at him, and Leon leaned in to give you a soft kiss on your cheek.

"I can't believe this is really happening..." You whispered and then turned your head to capture his lips into your own.

"Let me tell you, I can't believe I managed to ask." Leon chuckled. His hands began roaming your body, feeling you all over as he just couldn't get enough of you. With all the excitement of that night, you were all riled up.

Your fingers slipped over the back of Leon's hand and led him upwards towards your breasts. He didn't hesitate as he took you into his palm, massaging you and making you moan. You could feel his prick begin to harden and press into your back, so you began moving your hips side to side to rub into him.

Not wanting to waste any more time, Leon then picked you up into his arms and then tossed you town onto the bed. You laughed as he did, and Leon nearly pounced on the bed over you. He had his arms up on either side of your head and then pinned you down with a bruising kiss.

Your hands reached up and touched his chest, feeling his warm body on top of you. You worked quickly to push off Leon's jacket and pull his shirt up over his head. He made short work or your clothes as well, lifting you up and sliding your shirt off. He pressed his lips to yours and unhooked your bra with one hand. Once your chest was fully exposed to him, he pushed you back down onto the bed and all but attacked your chest. Grabbing you in his hand, he brought your nipple to his mouth and began to suck, rolling his tongue over your hard nub and making you squirm. You moaned, tangling your fingers in his hair as he wanted nothing more than to please you. He switched breasts, capturing your other nipple into his mouth while he played with the other in his fingers.

You rubbed your thighs together, desperate for some friction down there. Reaching down with one of your hands, you trailed your fingers along the bulge in Leon's pants, making him moan. Leon relented his attack on you and kissed you again, letting his tongue worm it's way into your mouth, tasting every last bit of you. As you fumbled with the button on his pants, Leon reached down and helped, his cock springing forward as he released himself.

You pushed him off of you, so he was on his back now. He had no problem letting you take the lead now as you nestled yourself between his legs. You smiled as you took his large cock into your hand, feeling the heat radiating off of him, the throbbing of his lust as you could barely get your hand all the way around him. You placed a light kiss to his shaft, a breathy moan springing from Leon's throat. You fought a smile as you kissed him again, your lips leaving a trail of hot kisses up and down his length. With one fluid movement, you placed the flat of your tongue along the base of his cock and licked him, long and slow, until you got to his head. You swirl your tongue around his head, making him gasp and reach down to grab your hair.

You took him into your mouth, sucking on him gently before taking him in deeper. You could never fit him all the way, so you used your hands as an extension to your mouth, pumping him slowly at his base as you bobbed your head onto him. He was usually quiet during sex, but right now you were ripping small, desperate moans from the pit of his throat as you had your way with him. You pulled him out of your mouth with a slight pop and then began running your tongue along the sides of his shaft. As you moved your head back up to once again take him into your mouth, Leon's grip on your hair grew tighter as he pulled you off of him.

Looking up, Leon's face was deeply flushed. He was beginning to sweat, and his breathing grew heavy from your actions. You smiled again, knowing just how much he enjoyed what you did to him. Rather forcefully, he pulled you up so you were lying on your back next to him. Leon rolled over and smothered you with kisses, his hand reaching up to grab onto yours, your fingers interlocking as he felt your engagement ring between them. He held you like that and you melted into him, leaning into his kisses as if they were the air you needed to breathe. His hand eventually left yours and started exploring your body, grabbing at your breasts again, making you hum into his mouth. When his hand traveled further south, you lifted your hips to give him an easier time to undress you. He tugged at your pants, desperate to get them off of you, and then tossed them to the floor.

Once done, Leon's eyes gazed over your naked body and he drank in the sight of you, lying small underneath him on the bed. You were more beautiful than words could describe, so he let his actions do the talking. Leon began kissing your neck, gently sucking on your skin, leaving marks that you knew you would have to hide later. He found his way to your breasts again, sucking on your nipples, biting down with his teeth just enough to make you moan. His hand slid along your stomach. He caressed your soft skin, squeezing you here and there, just enjoying the feel of your body. Leon then reached down and grabbed your thigh squeezing that too before pushing them apart.

You gasped as his fingers danced just barely around your pussy, ghosting over your hot flesh that was begging to be touched. You wanted to beg him, but every time you opened your mouth you were drowned out by your own loud moans. He knew exactly what he was doing to you. Leon slid one finger into your wet folds and found your clit. Your body went rigid for a moment, and then relaxed when he started playing with you. He drew soft, slow circles onto your clit, giving you some much-needed attention. You were dripping for him at this point, but he wanted to ride this out for a little longer.

It wasn't long, though, until he had you begging for him. "Please..." You said under your breath while being barraged by his slow torture. He looked up at you, the flickering of gold in his eyes locking with yours, making your heart skip a beat. "Please, I need you inside me..." Your begging was music to his ears, and without a word, Leon slid two of his fingers inside your hungry pussy, making you gasp. This wasn't what you had in mind, but you weren't complaining. He pumped his fingers inside you slowly, building up force and speed with every movement.

You were writing in pleasure, and you honestly didn't know how much longer you would last. You craved release, wanting nothing more for him to finish you then and there, but he stopped. You groaned disapprovingly as Leon pulled his fingers out of you, leaving you burning and twitching for him to come back. Instead, Leon rolled on top of you, hovering just inches from your face as he hooked one of your legs around his waist. He kissed you, slow and deep, as he then ground his hips into yours. His shaft ran along your throbbing pussy, and you wiggled your hips up into him, needing him, begging for him.

He pulled back and you could feel him enter you, nice and slow. Leon buried his face into the crook of your neck as he rocked his body into yours, going deeper with every thrust. Quiet curses fell from your lips as you held onto him for dear life, wrapping your arms around his back and legs around his waist. All you could do now was lie there and let him fuck you into the mattress, your body shivering and shaking as he brought you closer.

Leon pressed his forehead to yours, taking your cheek into the palm of his hand, and then kissed you as he fucked you faster. You were becoming painfully aware of the intense heat rising in your belly, threatening to overtake you completely. You welcomed it, feeling every thrust sending a jolt of electricity to your very core. It wasn't long before you had to break the kiss, panting heavily as your heart raced and your pussy clenched down on him.

You came apart a little bit at a time, feeling your head swim and your body tingle. Then, the dam broke, and an immense wave of pleasure washed over you. You almost screamed, your body spasmed as Leon continued to fuck you relentlessly through your orgasm, causing wave after wave of intense pleasure hit you again and again, refusing to let up. It wasn't until you felt Leon's body begin to tremble did he relent, his thrusts becoming quick and desperate as he came undone. When he came inside you, your body washed over with pleasure one last time, leaving you completely drained and exhausted.

Leon lay on top of you, panting and sweating, holding onto you for dear life as neither of you moved. You lay like that for what felt like forever until Leon lifted his head to look down at you, a lazy smile on his face as he looked down at his new fiancee. You smiled back, your eyes half-closed, your lips pulled back in a too-wide grin, and you kissed him. Leon grabbed your hand again, locking his fingers with your own. The ring, fitting perfectly on your finger.

[fioress]

chicago’s very own fiore gattuso has been spotted on madison avenue driving a 2020 bentley continental gt v8 in red , welcome ! your resemblance to lorenzo zurzolo is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty first birthday bash  . your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re impatient , but being cunning might help you . i think being a libra explains that .  3 things that would paint  a  better picture of you would be bloodshot baby blue eyes, long drives without a specific destination, getting high by the beach. ( i have been conning money out of older women and men ever since my parents disowned me  ) & ( cismale + he/him  )

tw : abuse, homophobia

full  name : fiore emiliano luca gattuso ( first name pronounced fee-oh-reh, also see here! )

nicknames : fifi, emmy ( by people who know his middle name ), some people might say... flower boy ( fiore literally means flower in italian ) 😳

gender : cismale

height :  5 ′ 8

age : 21

birthday : october 14 , 1998

zodiac : libra  ( leo moon, aquarius ascendant )

right  handed  or  left  handed : left  handed

eye  color : baby blue

hair  color : basically dark blonde / light brown

piercing  &  tattoos : the libra symbol on his left wrist, a cartilage piercing on his right ear

languages  spoken : italian  ( native  tongue ), english, spanish, sicilian ( after many summers spent in his parents’ summer house in sicily )

sexuality : bisexual

place  of  birth : napoli, italia ( naples, italy in english )

last  3  songs  listened  to : dimmi che mi ami by dj matrix ( a full on fucking italian boy tbh ), talk is cheap by chet faker, west coast by lana del rey

character  inspo : maxxie oliver from skins u.k , adam groff from sex education ( think season 2 adam ), alyssa foley from the end of the fucking world, david rose from schitt’s creek, michael kelso from that 70′s show, a mix of nick miller & winston bishop from new girl, maeby funke from arrested development 

♡ so fiore was born to an american mother named lindsey harrison & a fully italian father named gian gattuso. his mother is a very well known politician & his father is heir of a very popular gas company, literally named gattuso gas ( yikes lol ). besides that, he is also a preacher. without saying much, his parents are very well off

♡ fiore grew up with anything he’s ever wanted ( materialistically, of course ). besides that, his parents genuinely weren’t the best of people. his mother stole millions from the so called campaigns she ran & was a generally very corrupt politician, his father treated his employees like shit & was a pretty hateful person altogether

♡ they were people who expected a lot out of their only son, which made fiore feel an insane amount of pressure from the very start. at a very young age, he showed characteristics lots of boys his age didn’t show. he did things like peeing while sitting down instead of standing up, preferred to play with dolls instead of ‘boy toys’, favored the color pink, got along better with girls, preferred to watch shows that were considered ‘girly’, etc etc. 

♡ they were very harmless things honestly, things that most parents would laugh about & turn a blind eye. however, fiore really wasn’t that lucky when it came to his parents. any time he would do anything his parents claimed a ‘normal boy wouldn’t do’, he would get a huge lecture & a beating to go with it. needless to say, he learned to hide a lot of who he really was from a very young age

♡ he did a lot of things to seek the approval of his parents. he wasn’t smart academically ( dumb boi 101 tbh ), but he tried to make them happy in other ways. fiore was never fond of sports at all, but he started playing tennis at seven years old, because it made his parents happy. truth be told, he hated tennis with every fiber of his being, but again, he did this, simply because it satisfied his parents 

♡ fiore grew up trying to be the perfect son, considering the fact his parents were very much in the public eye of everyone. it was all smiles for the pictures, but behind closed doors, he really wasn’t the happiest boy ever

♡ simply put, he has always known that he likes boys. he likes girls too, don’t get him wrong, but he knew, literally since he could remember, that he also had a thing for guys too. of course, he knew this wouldn’t settle well at all with his extremely strict & religious parents, so he buried his feelings incredibly deep 

♡ he has a lot of charm & wit & found himself getting into relationships quicker than most of his friends. he briefly dated a girl when he was fourteen, but it was when he was sixteen that things really began getting, dare i say, spicy?

♡ there was an american boy new to his very #elite school & if you guessed it, they began to date! yup, his first boyfriend at sixteen years old. fiore was basically living two lives at this point. at school, he was himself, loud & proud, but when he got home, the facade began. the way he would switch up as soon as he entered the front door to his house was honestly shockingly scary 

♡ he really felt himself falling in love with this boy even though they were both fairly young. they snuck around forever. when no one was home, he would sneak him into his room to have sex, sneak out of his house when his parents were asleep, all that fun stuff. their relationship was forbidden ( at least to fiore’s parents ). this is where it gets juicy af tho, hear me out 

♡ so one day, fiore & him get really really drunk & honestly? video record themselves having sex! 😊 they didn’t do this to post it anywhere or show anyone or anything, they really just did it for themselves. they made a few copies & kept it for themselves ( stupid boys, i know! ), but they really felt like they would get married & all that gooey lovey dovey shit so they did it because yolo i guess? this is where it gets peak #juicy

♡ so fiore & him are walking back from practice. this is a time where fiore knows no one is home & no one is coming home for a while, so when they get to his house & see his father’s car parked outside, he lowkey panics a little. of course he makes the guy leave & goes inside to see what’s going on

♡ his father asks him to come upstairs & surprisingly, leads him into his room. he says something along the lines of ‘i just want to show you this so i can hear your explanation on what the fuck this is’ & this is when fiore’s entire life practically takes a 360. his father turns on his tv & legit starts playing his sex tape with his boyfriend. just picture this though; your extremely religious & hateful father & you sitting on your bed, watching your gay sex tape with your boyfriend

♡ obviously, this news isn’t well taken by his father. to make a long story short, he gets his ass beat. like, literally almost dies type shit. when this happened, he was seventeen, almost eighteen. he knew if that was ever discovered by his parents, it wouldn’t go well, but he really didn’t think them discovering his sexuality would be that brutal

♡ his parents basically disown him at that moment. they bought him a ticket to chicago & told him they never wanna see him again. it’s sad, but he packed his things & left in two days to go live with his cousin in chicago. citizenship wasn’t a problem because he had dual citizenship due to his mother being american

♡ it doesn’t really take an expert to figure out that fiore did not take this move well at all. for months, he was really depressed. he wouldn’t go out & would just lay in bed for the longest time. he was really hurt by everything that happened & it took him a while to recover. he has also lived in italy his whole life & wasn’t really used to life in america at all, but after like the fourth month of just feeling sorry for himself, it was his cousin who snapped him back to reality

♡ slowly but surely, he began putting himself out there. his english honestly #sucked when he first got to america, but it’s gotten a lot better since then ( he still has a pretty deep italian accent though ). at first, he began working at a pizza place, but fiore slowly began to realize how much he despised working. his entire life, he received everything on a silver plater with pure golden spoons, so this? he was for sure not used to it at all. again, his life completely did a 360. he went from living in a three story mansion in the most prestigious part of rome to living in a very shitty part of chicago, broke almost always, & working a job he hated with everything he had, splitting rent with his cousin

♡ fiore did not want this at all for himself. it wasn’t until he went out clubbing ( fake id & all ), that one his friends showed him the wonders of conning people. they walked into the bar with twenty bucks and left with four thousand dollars 

♡ quickly, fiore began to learn his friends’ ways. his looks, personality & his thick italian accent helped him tremendously; it was like people literally couldn’t get enough of him. soon enough, he was conning & finessing the fuck out of older men & women for their money. he once walked into a casino with five dollars and walked out with over twelve thousand, & it was only because he stayed for like an hour only

♡ finessing people became a huge hobby of his. it was with all this money that he bought himself a luxury car & jump started his model & influencer career. it was also with this money that him & his cousin ditched chicago & moved into a much better apartment in new york. with his looks & persona, he gained followers like crazy & posted videos on youtube as well, getting sponsorships & recognition easier than he expected. he was literally living off his looks & his personality & honestly? he was here for it! 

♡ there is still a part of fiore that has a lot of issues & trauma. honestly mommy & daddy issues af, but he doesn’t talk about this at all. no one really knows how he came up or where his family is & he keeps it this way, dodging questions about his personal life as much as he can

♡ in a way, he is kind of relieved with everything that happened with his parents because now, he’s completely free to be himself & do whatever the fuck he wants, knowing very well they can’t really touch him now. of course, it still left a mark that he’s never going to be able to erase or forget ( both in his heart & on his body too ), but he feels free for once in his life & he’s honestly kind of happier now 

♡ relationship wise, he really doesn’t commit to anyone. after practically being forced to leave his now ex boyfriend at almost 18, he kind of feels like he doesn’t deserve love? it’s really fucked up but he’s genuinely convinced that no one is ever going to genuinely love him or want to be with him so he just avoids any romantic relationship of any kind, usually just hooking up with people & then leaving as soon as it’s over. the truth is that he really does want to be loved, accepted & cared for by someone he loves, accepts & cares for as well, but will it ever happen if he continues pushing people away? probably not tbh 

♡ he is a fucking drinker & hella pot smoker!! legit give him some alcohol & weed he’s happy. he always has either one on him, or both tbh 

♡ this is all that’s coming to mind rn but underneath is his bio!!

       fiore was born to lindsey and gian gattuso in naples, italy. from a very young age, he showed characteristics most boys his age didn’t show. he would pee sitting down, every time he would visit his cousins, he would rather play dolls with them instead of ‘boy toys’, favored the color pink, watched things that were considered ‘girly’, etc. of course, this never settled well with his extremely religious parents, and every time he would do something even remotely different than a ‘regular’ boy would do, he would get a huge lecture, and a beating to go with it. that being said, fiore was quick to learn to hide a lot of who he really was. he absolutely despised tennis, but he played it anyways, and he did it, simply because it made his parents happy. the gattuso’s had a ton of money, so he played tennis in nearly all of europe. he has always known that he likes boys, maybe even a little bit more than he likes girls. literally since he’s had a sense of judgement, he’s just known. of course, he kept this a secret, practically living a double life, being himself at school and someone completely different at home. it didn’t take long for him to get a boyfriend, and soon, he found himself slowly falling in love. secretly sneaking him into the house when his parents weren’t home to have quickies, holding hands with him down the school hallways, and even lying to his parents and telling them he was going going to tennis practice just to hang out with him. however, one mistake costed him, well, everything.

        they were drunk and goofing around, and decided to record themselves having sex. it was innocent and pure, both of them just making love to each other in the rawest, loveliest form. the two boys made copies of it, and fiore kept one for himself. one day, when he was trying to sneak his boyfriend into the house, he saw his dad’s car parked outside, which was odd because he was never home around that time. his boyfriend left, and he went to go investigate. his father was beyond calm, and bought him up to his room. his room. fiore was confused as his father told him to sit down on the bed, and soon, his worst nightmare became a reality. his father began playing his damn sex tape on his dvd player, and to say he was mortified was an understatement. he was humiliated, and most of all, afraid. it came without much warning, but soon, his father was throwing punches to his face, his stomach, everywhere, dragging him down the stairs just for it to continue. all he saw was blood. for the first time in forever, fiore truly felt like he had hit rock bottom. they took away his cellphone, any type of technology he had to communicate with was gone, and before he knew it, he was being shipped off to america, completely cut off by his parents.

        fiore definitely didn’t take the move so well. he was a depressed mess. he wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t sleep, and over all, just felt out of place. it took him a pretty long time, but eventually, he began adjusting. of course he was still super hurt over everything that had happened, his parents cutting him off, him being away from his now ex boyfriend, his first true love, but time luckily healed most of his pain, and soon, he found himself bettering his english, making friends, and fitting right in. at least he didn’t have to play tennis here. living with his cousin wasn’t so bad either. they constantly smoked, drank like there was no tomorrow, and he even managed to land him a job at a pizza delivery place. fiore hated this job though, but after a night our with friends, he found himself learning the art of conning and finessing older men and women. he does this like there’s no tomorrow, the money he made from all these schemes helping him jumpstart his career as an influencer and model, which bought him back to his typical luxurious lifestyle. fiore is just trying to get by, one day at a time.

extra spice:

[faejilly]

Fic Writer Game

I was not technically tagged by @firstaudrina but I’m blaming her anyways

YAY

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tagging: uh... anyone who hasn’t done this yet? @alxndrlightwoods, @beamirang @elfyourmother @gingersnapwolves @janoda (I randomly picked letters and let tumblr mention people on its own, PLEASe don’t take this too seriously... 🙃😅) PLEASE DO THIS IF YOU’RE REMOTELY SO INCLINED, even if I haven’t tagged you, AND THEN BLAME ME, I love seeing these things.

Fandoms: BioWare, historically, a pretty even mix in my head of Dragon Age & Mass Effect but clearly I mostly managed to write for DA2. Currently, mostly Shadowhunters, though I’m working on an Inception crossover and I dabble in a lot of things... mostly still video games tho, there’s just something about the framework of a good RPG protagonist just waiting to be filled in. #7kpp and Code: Realize and Cinders! Some day maybe I’ll finally do something with Jade Empire since it’s my favorite...

I write a lot of random prompt-fills & yuletide randomness, just a few little stories for fandoms I never really got lost it but still enjoy, like a Georgette Heyer regency epilogue and a Firefly/Serenity thing because I will apparently never be over Zoe/Wash ever.

Number of fics: A lot of my fic is ficlet collections, so I’m not sure how you want to count this, (and I’ve lost a decent number of things over the years too, whoops), especially since a couple of my “fics” on AO3 are actually fanmixes that I put on there so they’d link properly to the fics they accompany, and there’s a collab that’s not just me, but uh... depending on the math, anywhere from 145 to 500-ish? (AO3 says I have 152 published.)

Fic I spent more time on: I start a lot of fic and then may literally let it lay dormant for years... I’m not necessarily working on it all that time though. SO uh. Cruel Intentions sat for five years between the kink-meme prompt that started it all and me finally writing a conclusion? *shrugs* IDK.

Fic I spent less time on: A lot of the ficlets are just sort of dashed off whenever I managed to get inspiration. In terms of a proper fic I’d have to say Impossible kind of wrote itself in one or two sittings. (priest!kink is clearly something I should indulge in more often 😅)

Longest fic: The 3-Shepards Collab (on borderline permanent hiatus? we may get back to it some day) Persephone Rising at almost 200k words. In terms of “I actually wrote the whole damn thing” we’ve got Lost for Words at just over 62k. (Yay Mass Effect?)

Shortest: erm. I write a lot of like, 3sentence prompt fic and everything? But in terms of: stands alone as posted, it is apparently... Fools, about Brosca & Leske in DA:O. 😭

Most hits/Most kudos/Most bookmarks: ALL FOR i am for you  (14871, 868, and 282, respectively)

In second place for hits is I like the thrill of under me you (because porn usually does get more hits and less of everything else), for kudos & bookmarks it’s two are halves of one. Because SH fandom likes fluff to counteract the melodrama of canon? Only maybe not since next is the one where I kill Alec and everyone’s sad... SH fandom likes fluff and Magnus whump disguised as torturing Alec? We’re apparently all terrible people.

Total words combined: published, I have 1,088,995 words on AO3!

Which obviously doesn’t count all the bits and bobs that never made it there and all the WIPs that I’m trying to finish before I start posting again. I don’t have the faintest idea how to figure that number out tho 😅

Fic you want to rewrite or expand: Generally, if it made it to AO3 I at least enjoyed writing it, and even if I wouldn’t write it the same way now, I had fun then, so I seldom re-do things. (With a notable exception of the one introducing Theia Hawke (and killing her) which I rewrote to have less sex and more manipulation to fit all the stuff I wrote later... and retitled to fit all the rest of it better, too. I didn’t think she’d get so much fic when I started with her dying. Shows what I know.)

That said! If we’re expanding, I would really like to write sequels/continuations to several things, most notably Regency/Persuasion Malec, mer!alec, The Forest That (sometimes) Eats People (but is mostly very nice once you get to know it) & how do you recover from dying aka the s3 canon divergence fic for Shadowhunters.

Fav fic you wrote: erm. That’s an impossible question, and I’d give you a different answer almost every day.

Today uh... warm as silk because the #7kpp discord was talking about Code: Realize yesterday, and it’s very soft and pretty and I almost didn’t write it but then I finally managed it, and that’s always an excellent feeling.

Share a bit of your WIP or idea if you have anything planned: I have like 14 which one should I share?

SOME DAY

I may actually post some more of that top hits/kudos/bookmarks/comments fic i am for you with a Catarina POV chapter:

Alec Lightwood is a revelation.

She's seen Magnus fall too hard and too fast before, but she's never seen him like this, never seen him look lighter for it rather than just more intense, never seen the person he'd fallen for look just as far gone just as fast. Alec's expression when he looks at Magnus is sublime, it's like he's smiling all the way to his fingertips, and she has to look away.

OR, I may even finish that one lingering DA2 WIP from a million years ago...

Adelaide woke, held in place by the comforting weight of Sebastian's arm draped over her. She kept her eyes closed and breathed in the faint whisper of incense that never quite faded from his skin and hair, and settled herself just the tiniest bit closer, felt his arm tighten a little, even in his sleep, to keep her there.

aaaaand, it just gets sappier from there 🤣

[fleetofshippyships-archive]

2019 Fic List

This is gonna get a little awkward since I have 3 AO3 accounts, I’m not gonna bother specifying which is which here, just know that all the linked fics/accounts here are mine. 

In terms of past years, 2019 was a terrible year for me, my worst yet (me judging myself against my personal expectations for myself, not a statement about what is or isn’t a good year in general for anyone else), but seeing it all summarised helps me deal with feeling crap about that, even if it’s mostly all really short stuff, it’s still a lot of fics, and I’m still learning how my chronic illness affects my writing and how to work around it and trying to adjust my own expectations =)

This is a very long post (114 fics), so most of this is below a cut =)

Note: All explicit rated fics on my main AO3 account are behind an account lock, that means only logged in AO3 users can read them. This is for a couple of reasons, but a big one is because those fics are the ones that I find reposted the most frequently. Don’t repost my fics.

Most Popular Fics Posted in 2019:

Highest Kudos: No More Waiting (19 Days, Tianshan, 604 kudos, Posted June) Highest Hit Count: Time to Think, Time to Doubt, Time to Know (HP, Drarry, 4,400 hits, Posted June) Highest Commented: A Ribbon of the Finest Silk (MDZS, Wangxian, 48 comments, Posted November)

Before the fic links, some milestones and stats, and fandom/ship list:

Milestones this year:

Reached 1 million words on main AO3 account Wrote for 2 new fandoms (19 Days, MDZS) Wrote many new ships Completed Femslash February for HP (on time too) Submitted 2 fics for HP Drizzle Fest Submitted 1 fic for Chubby Neville Fest

Stats:

Total number of fics posted: 114 Total word count posted: 175,178 Total number of fandoms: 4 Total number of ships: 36

Month with the most fics: February (30) Month with the least fics: March (0)

Most written fandom: Harry Potter (109) Least written fandom 19 Days (1)

Most written ship: Drarry (26/114 fics)

Longest (complete) fic: Stay Calm and Ride It out (HP, Drarry, 9.9k) Shortest fic: Feels like a Home Now (HP, Drarry, 100 words)

Fandoms herein: Harry Potter (109), Mo Dao Zu Shi/The Untamed (2), Voltron (2), 19 Days (1)

Ships herein:  HP: Blairon, Blinny, Charlie/Harry, Cho/Ginny, Deamus, Draco/Harry/Ron, Drarry, Drarry/Tentacles, Drarryville, Dreville, Dron, Fleur/Ginny, Flonks, Ginmione, Ginny/Tonks, Ginsy, Hermione/Millicent, Hermione/Pansy/Tracey, Hermione/Tracey, Kittyhawk, Linny, Lunsy, Nottbottom, Nottpott, Pansmione, Parkgrass, Parvansy, Piers/Theodore, Pottbottom, Rarry VLD: Klance, Keith/Tentacle Creature (Anyone who goes looking at that account, be aware I’m a multi-shipper and Klance is actually one of my least written VLD ships) 19 Days: Tianshan MDZS: Sangxian, Wangxian

And with that out of the way, here are the fics, no summaries tho because ugh, this already took long enough, fandom, ship, rating and word count will have to suffice.

January (3 fics, 5,199 words):

It Was the Yelp (HP, Harry/Ron, Mature, 386 words,)

Don’t Drink and Transfigure (HP, Hermione/Pansy, Teen, 1,595 words)

The Perks of Skin Care (Voltron, Keith/Lance, Explicit, 3,218)

February (30 fics, 43,171 words):

Femslash February overall series link with prompt list

Opposites Day (HP, Hermione/Pansy, Teen, 921 words)

Better Than Any Boy (HP, Cho/Fleur, Teen, 577 words)

What’s Missing Is Not Lost (HP, Ginny/Luna, Teen, 1,269 words)

Cafe Reunion (HP, Hermione/Pansy, Teen, 1,265 words)

The Things We Don’t Know About Each Other (HP, Pansy/Parvati, Explicit, 1,379 words)

Minding the Wolf (HP, Ginny/Pansy, G rated, 1,043 words)

Less like a Joke and More like the Truth (But She’ll Worry About That Later) (HP, Hermione/Pansy, Mature, 1,286 words)

Love Waits (HP, Ginny/Pansy, Teen, 2,154 words)

Better Naked and Cold Than Covered in Lavender (HP, Ginny/Tonks, Teen, 1,035 words)

Third Time Lucky (HP, Pansy/Parvati, Teen, 1,511 words)

Fast or Slow? (HP, Ginny/Luna, Explicit, 1,099 words)

One Step at a Time (HP, Ginny/Hermione, G rated, 370 words)

For the Sake of Concerned Muggles (HP, Fleur/Tonks, G rated, 496)

A Perfect Picnic (HP, Cho/Fleur, Teen, 1,557 words)

Sharing Is Caring (HP, Hermione/Pansy, Teen, 984 words)

Why so Blue? (HP, Fleur/Tonks, Teen, 809 words)

Damned on Our Own Terms (HP, Daphne/Pansy, Mature, 1,300 words)

Anything to Make Her Feel Safe Again, (HP, Hermione/Pansy, Teen, 922 words)

More Familiar Than You Think (HP, Hermione/Pansy, Teen, 676 words)

Loss of Surety (Hermione/Pansy, Mature, 770 words)

Collecting Feathers and Finding Wings, (HP, Cho/Fleur, Teen, 5,055 words)

Shopping with Hermione (HP, Hermione/Pansy, Teen, 438 words)

Live a Little (HP, Hermione/Pansy, Mature, 1,521 words)

Daydreaming at the Wrong Moment (HP, Fleur/Tonks, Teen, 1,232 words)

Unexpected Gratitude (HP, Pansy/Parvati, Teen, 851 words)

Midnight Serenade (HP, Ginny/Hermione, G rated, 708 words)

No Such Thing as Too Close (HP, Luna/Pansy, Teen, 1,010 words)

Work and Reward (HP, Hermione/Pansy, Teen, 808 words)

Harry Potter the Christmas Tree (HP, Draco/Harry, Teen, 218 words)

Stay Calm and Ride It Out (HP, Draco/Harry, Draco/Harry/Tentacles, Explicit, 9,907 words)

March (0)

April (1 fic, 100 words):

Feels like a Home Now (HP, Draco/Harry, G rated, 100 words)

May (7 fics, 21,904):

Worth the Waiting (HP, Draco/Harry, Mature, 101 words)

Harry Potter and the Maudlin Merman (#1) (HP, Draco/Harry, Teen, 3,210 words)

Try Again, with More Conviction (Lacking Conviction #1) (HP, Draco/Harry, Explicit, 3,523 words)

Testing the Waters (Harry Potter and the Maudlin Merman #2) (HP, Draco/Harry, Mature, 5,736, 2 Ch)

Ron Deserves Hazard Pay (HP, Draco/Harry, Teen, 394 words)

Still Lacking Conviction (Lacking Conviction #2) (HP, Draco/Harry, Explicit, 6,512 words)

Sharing Beauty in a Storm (HP, Draco/Neville, Teen, 2,428 words)

June (15 fics, 23,343 words): 

Dragon’s Clover (and Other Discoveries) (HP, Draco/Neville, Teen, 5,889 words)

A Decent Start to Things (HP, Hermione/Pansy, Implied Draco/Harry, Teen, 6,825 words)

No More Waiting (19 Days, He Tian/Mo Guan Shan, Teen, 2,136 words)

The Toothbrush of Commitment (HP, Draco/Harry, Teen, 372 words)

Watch out for Hermione (HP, Draco/Harry, Mature, 168 words)

It’s Not an Autobiography (HP, Draco/Harry, Teen, 619 words)

All Thanks to Seamus (HP, Draco/Harry, Teen, 439 words)

Five More Minutes (HP, Ginny/Luna, Teen, 139 words)

Too Cute to Resist (HP, Draco/Harry, Teen, 274 words)

Well Matched, Poorly Matched (HP, Draco/Harry, Teen, 891 words)

A Better Idea (HP, Draco/Harry, Teen, 881 words)

Ignore the Chicken (HP, Draco/Harry, Teen, 759 words)

Time to Think, Time to Doubt, Time to Know (HP, Draco/Harry, Teen, 2,862 words)

Required Watching (HP, Draco/Harry, Teen, 414 words)

To Save Those Tippy Toes (HP, Harry/Ron, Mature, 675 words)

July (29 fics, 12,135 words):

Only For Him (HP, Draco/Harry, Explicit, 6,033 words)

It Should Say ‘Girlfriend’ (HP, Hermione/Pansy, Teen, 800 words)

Collapse (HP, Harry/Ron, Teen, 517 words)

When He Isn’t Looking (HP, Draco/Harry, Teen, 482 words)

23 more in Prompted Microfics - July ‘19 (HP, Draco/Harry(6), Cho/Fleur, Harry/Ron, Hermione/Pansy, Draco/Ron(2), Blaise/Ginny, Draco/Harry/Neville, Ginny/Pansy, Dean/Seamus, Neville/Theodore(2), Blaise/Ron, Piers/Theodore, Draco/Harry/Ron, Draco/Neville(2), Charlie/Harry, Highest rating: Mature, 3,480 words)

Too Small (HP, Draco/Harry, Teen, 236 words)

Technicalities (HP, Hermione/Pansy, Teen, 587 words)

August (7 fics, 7,293 words):

The Point of Having a Key (HP, Harry/Theodore, Teen, 665 words)

An Unexpected House Guest (HP, Draco/Harry, Teen, 184 words)

The Strategic Application of Rain (HP, Draco/Harry, Teen, 372 words)

Battleships (HP, Draco/Harry, Teen, 226 words)

In Search of Better Sleep (HP, Harry/Theodore, Teen, 442 words)

Friday Night by the Fire (HP, Harry/Neville, Teen, 583 words)

Happy Consequences (HP, Draco/Neville, Draco/Harry/Neville, Explicit, 4,821)

September (14 fics, 30,978 words):

(Sapphic September was a bit fail this year...series link here)

Bartering for a Kiss (HP, Ginny/Pansy, Teen, 1,489 words)

When the Wife’s Away, the Cat Will Play (HP, Minerva/Rolanda, G rated, 834 words)

Soft and Warm (HP, Hermione/Pansy/Tracey, Teen, 1,246 words)

Time Moves Slow (HP, Hermione/Pansy, Teen, 1,689 words)

Boredom in Potions (HP, Pansy/Parvati, Teen, 1,635 words)

Minding One’s Limits (HP, Cho/Ginny, G rated, 1,548 words)

Healing What’s Left (HP, Daphne/Pansy, Teen, 2,066 words)

A Perfectly Innocent Conversation, of Course (HP, Minerva/Rolanda, Teen, 1,232 words)

Not Bad for a First Talk (HP, Hermione/Millcent, Teen, 4,301 words)

Choosing What Makes Her Happiest (HP, Hermione/Tracey, Teen, 1,254 words)

Early Morning Flight (HP, Cho/Ginny, Teen, 2,426 words, for HP Drizzle ‘19)

Hair Ties Are for Chumps (HP, Ginny/Luna, Teen, 1,090 words)

A Conversation Long Overdue (HP, Draco/Ron, Mature, 6,570 words, for HP Drizzle ‘19)

The Benefits of Curiosity (Voltron, Keith/Tentacle Creature, Explicit, 3,598)

October (3 fics, 8,064 words): 

A Howling Good Time (HP, Draco/Harry, Explicit, 5,819 words, 2 Ch)

Three Days That Never End (HP, Draco/Harry, Teen, 518 words)

Making an Already Lovely Day Even Better (HP, Fleur/Ginny, Teen, 1,727 words)

November (4 fics, 22,013 words):

Getting Comfortable (Harry Potter and the Maudlin Merman #3) (HP, Draco/Harry, Mature, 3,520 words)

Restraint (ver. 2.0) (HP, Draco/Harry, George/Harry, Explicit, 10,288, 1/? Ch)

A New Book, a New Experience (MDZS, Nie Huaisang/Wei Wuxian, Teen, 4,318 words)

A Ribbon of the Finest Silk (MDZS, Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian, Teen, 3,887 words)

December (1 fic, 978 words):

Shirts and Scarves (HP, Ginny/Pansy, Teen, 978 words)

Thoughts:

-You know, after all of that, I’m most surprised that there was only 1 month I didn’t post anything. I really thought it would be more than that. It’s been such a terrible year for me (relative to other years, I know I still get a lot done, I’m only judging myself against myself and my past performance here), but doing stuff like this is always good cos I can’t argue with numbers. My health and mental health was so bad this year, I just have to remember that writing anything at all is a win, past Zoe was a freak with how much fic she pushed out, I’ll never get to that 2016/2017 level again, I gotta learn to accept that.

-I’m still blown away that my fics in other fandoms got more reader engagement this year than HP/Drarry in most cases 👀 that was unexpected and a lovely surprise considering I have no established reader base for them.

-I will get that Sapphic September prompt list done eventually, I have 2 pre-written too but they’re later days and I want to post in order XD

-And I still have a bunch of prompts gathered through my google prompt form that I’ll get to eventually as well, sorry to everyone still waiting (whoever remembers they’re waiting XD). Tbh, aside from just struggling with writing in general lately, a lot of the prompts are exactly the same/similar but with different ships (or just straight up several of the same prompt with the same ship) and it’s a bit of a buzzkill.

We’ll see how 2020 goes. 

[szopenhauer]

How would you describe yourself in three words? me, myself, I

How would others describe you in three words? depends 

Are you okay with long silences? Do they make you uncomfortable? depends

Do you believe in the paranormal?  some

How high is your pain tolerance? high

Do you bite your nails?: nah When you use stairs, do you usually hold the rail?: probably Have you ever eaten a snail?: nope Have you ever been stung by a bee?: I haven’t yet luckily  Are the best things in life really free?: no Have you ever planted a tree?: sure Are you wearing anything that’s gray?: not currently Are you more likely to text “Okay”, “OK” or just “K”?: ok or k or even kk but not okay When did you last check the time?: 20 minutes ago Do you keep spare change in a jar?: not in a jar Have you ever seen a deer (in real life)?: passing by (bus/train) Right now, what can you hear?: some noise from outside (neighbors’s music) and my parents’ voices Have you ever seen a bear (in real life)?: zoo Have you ever played Truth or Dare?: yup Are you wearing anything that’s blue?: not currently Have you ever eaten glue?: ewww, wtf Do you tend to buy clothes used or new?: used 

How often do you take painkillers? basically never Do you own any leather? fake only Do you party because you like it or because you’re supposed to? I don’t party

Do you have a therapist? not anymore Have you ever wanted to be a superhero? why not Ever used an online dating site? few Have you ever gotten a good grade in math class? yeah Have you ever seen a ghost? I think so Have you parents ever walked in on you having sex? sexting Do you think someone would ever want to marry you? maybe Do you like Thanksgiving? I’m against it

Have you ever thought you were drowning? as a kid

Do straight people make you uncomfortable? sometimes lmfao Would you ever dye your hair pink? doubt it Are you embarassed about your sex life or lack there of? sigh... Are you good at making conversation? dunno Do you go on a lot of dates? recently Are you a comic book geek? I don’t read comics

Did you just think of sex? why would I? Have you ever heard of The Cranberries? obvi

Have you ever lived in a mobile home?: I wanted to buy one

Have you ever had your bedroom in a basement?: nope

Do you think it would be cool to have a lion as a pet?: not really

In the house - shoes, socks, slippers or bare feet?: slippers or socks at least

Do you consider dogs inside or outside pets?: more outside

Have you ever had a crush on a friend’s parent?: nah

A teacher says she’s noticed you’ve looked sad, do you confide in her?: maybe

Do you like the sound of birds singing when you wake up, or is it annoying?: depends

If someone gave you a kitten, would you keep it?: doubtful

Do you like or hate to buy new shoes?: they’re expensive :(

Do you keep your phone on you at all times or forget it a lot: I keep it around often now as I have a gf but when I was single I didn’t 

Do you enjoy doing things outdoors?: some, at times

Which of your parents do you laugh more with?: dad

Where do you keep your phone at night?: on my desk

Do you feel comfortable asking your parents or grandparents for money?: I feel uncomfy :(

Five things you need to throw out: ugh...

Do you think you’re clever? I have my moments

Can you remember how you celebrated your 10th birthday? I don’t 

Do you sleep well most nights? not really, not recently

Is there music in your head right now? Sour candy by Lady Gaga

Did you ever play cowboys and indians when you were growing up? I did not

Would you like to become a dancer? meh

What colour is the bathroom of your house painted? green and purple - I was choosing and painting too :)

Do you like the Austin Powers films? no

Do you work better in a clean or messy environment? if it’s my mess then it doesn’t bother me 

Do you ever wear black lipstick? I did in the past, had goth phase :P

Which colour would you rather have your hair: pink, grey or green? green or grey

Don’t you just hate the sound of people eating? often

Would you rather play a good or an evil character in a play? good

Do most people annoy you? absolutely

When was the last time you just wanted to be left alone? kinda now, just go to sleep everyone omg 

Would you rather have a lazy day or a day of being really busy? lazy

Do you like the way that spoken French sounds? not really

Do people find you “cute”? mostly because I’m short

Don’t you hate it when your cell phone dies in the middle of a convo? yeah Have you ever had to cancel a bank account? yep Was the last conversation you had an argument? sigh... If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? maybe not today but soon Is the last person you kissed, going to be the next person you kiss? if I’m ever going to kiss somebody yet then her How long was your longest make out? short because she forgets to breathe XD Do you want to dance? not now for sure Are you mad at anyone right now? ugh... What was the last thing you found pointless? everything is? If you could have anyone as your roommate, who would you choose? dad Have you ever changed the prices of items at a store? no but I took price and put it on the same product in a different color because I wanted that specific one and someone teared it  Do you go for walks often? would say so Would your parents disown you if you got pregnant? my mom wants grandkids so maybe not How strange do people say you are? just weird, they don’t really say how much  Have you opened food at a grocery store & ate it without or before paying? nooo  Do you believe in the 10 second rule? I’ve only heard of the 5 second rule which I also don’t believe in - once it touched the ground - it’s trash Have you ever been in a limo? nope

You ever kissed someone at your house? not in my house

Will you be up before 7 am tomorrow? hope not Are you in a good mood right now? ... Do you want someone to call you right now? no thx How artistic are you? kind of Is it possible that you’ll ever be a cat lady? dog lady if anything Are you currently looking forward to tomorrow? blergh Have you ever been in a situation where you had to be around your ex everyday? luckily not Would you kiss anyone you have texts from in your phone? I did Could you go a day not talking to the last person you kissed? I could but I won’t  Are you comfortable sharing drinks with your friends? sorry but no Have your parents ever questioned your virginity? my mom questioned it Do you find graveyards scary? nah When was the last time you made a pinky promise? recently Is there anything written on the shirt you’re wearing right now? there is Are you shorter or taller than most of your friends? shortest Honestly, do you double dip? might Anything happened to you in the past month that made you really mad? more than one thing Have you ever kissed underwater? no, would never If you were paid 1 million dollars, would you kiss someone that was the same sex as you? I do it for free Who was the last person you cried in front of? my mother

Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? meh

Can you say “Sally sells seashells by the sea shore” fast without messing up? I can  Is there anything plaid near you? What is it? not near Was today a bad hair day for you? obvi Do you have all teeth? still Have you ever been sent a postcard in the mail? From who? I even been part of this postcrossing website in the past Do you know how to do the moon walk? I know/can do it Which subject are you better at - science or history? was better at science but I forgot almost everything I learned in school by now Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? believe me or not but someone did even tho I think it was a lie Are you the youngest person living in your house? I am  Has anybody ever described you as a heart breaker? yep Are you wearing pajamas right now? not yet Has anybody ever told you that you talk too fast? mom When was the last time you attended a barbeque? I hate barbeques so never and don’t plan to What was your favorite thing to go on at the playground as a kid? swings? Do you know how much you weighed at birth? How much? I don’t remember

[mimiplaysgames]

stay awake. love, sirens

Terraqua Week Day 5: Dreams

Summary: Dreams are made to be had, broken, and mended. Terra finds he still has his own, even in the thicket of his nightmares. @terraquaweek

Read on AO3

***

Just because the War is over, it doesn’t mean that everything is fixed. 

The Land of Departure may look like it’s in pristine shape, and for the most part it is. It’s missing one body, but all in all, it looks like everything has stayed in place, almost like it couldn’t exist without its proper inhabitants and therefore never aged. Like magic, it comes back. Like destiny, it sits there waiting for them to come home.

Things are only broken because they’re slightly different. Terra and Aqua are not equals anymore. 

In certain ways, they still are of course. She doesn’t want him to think of her as his superior. In all personal matters - in the kitchen, in bed, in friendship - they’re equals. 

Not with matters of the Keyblade though, and he remembers it every day. 

It’s time to address the elephant in the room: What are their futures going to be like now? 

Are there specifics? Does Aqua solely become Keeper of the castle? Can she share that with Terra or does he have to be a Master first? Should they consider Terra a Master already?

They stand in the entrance hall, where three wooden thrones sit patiently, in silence. 

Here, the awkward question is Who takes the middle seat?

“You should take it,” Terra says. 

Aqua immediately shakes her head, giving him a look of sympathy. “Terra, you knew him longest.”

“You’re still Master.”

“I honestly…” These words are going to be the hardest to hear, because they’re the easiest to deny. “I think the Master would have wanted you to sit there.”

Ventus stands by her side, shooting the both of them side glances because Yes, approaching the subject of who the Master favorited (Terra) will always be awkward.

For the favorite, he sure has had the most difficult expectations set onto his shoulders, and it’s a good twelve years of believing that he really fucked up last time. Aqua’s right but still - Eraqus was incredibly proud of her, and would still be, and would have wanted her to take his throne.

“Technically,” Ventus drawls out, “the middle is my seat. I’m the only one who bonded with it this entire time.” 

“So do you want it, Ven?” Aqua asks, like she wants to be rid of it.

“No way.” He crosses his arms. “I never want to sit there again.”

Dead end. 

Terra goes ahead to take the seat to the left, ultimately ending the discussion. Gestures over to the middle.

When Aqua takes it, she’s very hesitant. Ventus, usually the last one to decide, has no other choice but to sit on the one to the right. 

Ventus wiggles and stretches, like he’s trying to see if it fits him even though they’re all the same. “S’not bad.”

Aqua keeps her hands folded on her lap, like she has the proper regal formality for such a grand seat - if only she wasn’t looking so defeated. 

“You know, Aqua,” Terra says, playing with the marble texture of the arm rests. It’s not a comfortable seat by any means. “I never got to congratulate you.”

“For?”

“Becoming Master.” He wants to reach over and take her hand, because he needs comfort to deal with what he’s so ashamed of. But this isn’t about him, it’s about her. So he smiles. “Congratulations.”

Ventus brings his feet under and sits on his ankles, swinging over to face her. “Congratulations!” 

She doesn’t want the praise. “Please, don’t-”

“Why not?” It’s hard to be happy when she’s like this.

“This isn’t what I wanted.”

Terra nearly does a double take. “What are you-”

“The point was that both of us became Masters,” she says with conviction. “That was our dream.”

Again, such an awkward conversation, and Ventus sinks back into his throne, bringing his knees to his chin to shy away from it. Most of the time, it’s about the three of them, always, an unbreakable connection. There are certainly times when he’s the third wheel, though, unintentionally eavesdropping into matters that have really nothing to do with him. 

Terra knows she doesn’t mean what she’s implying. He knows it. He knows it, he keeps telling himself. “I’ll catch up with you.”

“That’s not what I meant.” She sighs, glancing over at Ven. She really hates leaving him out of conversations. “I was thinking maybe I’d renounce my title-”

“No.”

“I fell to darkness, too, Terra.”

“You deserve to be praised for your hard work.”

“What does it mean anyway?”

“It means you’ve survived things I could never have.”

He could never have, not the Realm of Darkness. He doesn’t have that kind of strength. 

It’s not that he feels necessarily insulted by the thought of her holding herself back for his sake, but that he’s guilty because she’s done too much for him. Not on any single fiber in his entire body would he ask her to suffer hell for him, but she did it anyway. She keeps telling him that she’d do it again if it meant he’d be safe. So yes, to hold herself back in a way is a slap to the face, because on some level he needs to get his shit together. Enough has to be enough, and he wishes that she’d let him pick himself up.

Of course, none of what she’s doing is meant to put him down… twelve years separated means that the both of them still suck at elaborating what they mean, and in these sticky situations, the best thing to do is to give the benefit of the doubt. 

“Besides, it fits you very nicely,” he says, forcing himself to smile. It’s only difficult at the first try, then it settles into his face and relaxes. He gets up from the throne, outstretching his hand for her to take. Glances at Ven as well, thinking of anything that could get him involved. “Maybe throw a small celebration for you, too.” 

Ventus stares at him wide-eyed, like he’s too scared to say anything right now.

Aqua doesn’t take his hand. “Why won’t you let me name you Master, then? You’ve been through a lot, too.”

“I want to do it the traditional way.” His hand stays in the air, waiting. 

“Terra,” she says softly, “you know you don’t have to prove anything to me.” 

“It’s not to you.” It’s to himself. 

She sighs - it’s been a strife to get her to agree and actually give him an exam, since she believes he’s putting himself down. In his mind, he needs the opportunity to stand up. 

Aqua takes his hand and rubs it with her thumb, her gaze falling to his knees. 

“I promise you,” he says sweetly - they may both be hard-headed, but the need to make her smile always trumps. “That dream is closer than you think.”

She scoffs, and he swears that whatever breath Ven has been holding this entire time is finally set free. 

~*~*~*~

If you really think about it, dreams don’t have beginnings. They just happen. 

A chessboard, mix and match black and white spaces, sprawled for miles under a purple sky with no clouds. 

Chess pieces at chest height. 

Black against white.

White is her, all of them, moving past him, approaching him, dodging many hims, in fact. 

“No,” he says.

But he moves anyway. He has no other instinct. 

Sword in one hand and a shield in the other, he’s a knight.

A knight is what she is too, a spear cradled in her arms. 

She’s sleeping as he approaches. 

She only opens her eyes when he stops to her left. 

“No,” he says.

But it doesn’t matter, because he swings that sword.

She wears the mask of despair but she doesn’t cry, like a satire.

Watch her as she blows up into a million dusty pieces.

Terra has a nasty habit, who is he to kill her when she’s the one he loves the most?

Many hims killing many hers because whoever is playing him in this game is pretty good. 

The white queen comes, twice as tall as him, with a staff held high like she’s a saint leading a crowd.

She holds scales on the other, and the feather in one of them is too heavy.

“We’re supposed to be on the same side,” he says. 

She opens her eyes. White on white on white, no irises.

“You spoke?” she asks before she strikes him down. 

Chess has only one hit point.

Dreams don’t have endings, either.

~*~*~*~*~

“It’s a bad dream,” she whispers to him before he finally allows himself to breathe. 

Shivers, headaches, sobs, and stiff muscles - so much that his whole body hurts. 

Not to mention the fear of being alive and all the other damned symptoms that come with the nightmares.

She waits to hear his breaths slow down into a crawl before she wraps his fingers in hers - they both know, from experience unfortunately, that accidentally scaring him is a bad idea. 

“Welcome home,” she coos into his neck, her fingers brushing his hair. “I’m happy you’re safe. You’re here with me. Whatever it is, it can’t harm you here.”

Reminders. He needs them, and she needs them. 

He groans. He can barely remember what the nightmare was except for the nauseating suspicion that he has done something terrible.

“You’re okay?” he asks her, like he’s expecting her to be hurt.

She chuckles, stroking him arm. Her voice is hoarse with exhaustion. “Of course I am. The question is, are you?”

He doesn’t answer her. 

Usually after his nightmares, his needs are random and yet, predictable. A walk in the woods. Some water. A bath with her. To be read a story. To beat on the pillows. Yell. Cry. Tell some jokes.

She doesn’t question any of his whims, choosing to stay by his side for whatever he needs.

Tonight, he wraps around her, feeling the softness of her skin, which he’s glad is nothing like porcelain. Keep her close, keep her locked tight. He takes the blankets and layers them on top of her, and she has this amused grin on her face as he does so - if this is what he needs, she’ll play along and not ask what on earth he’s doing. He wraps her enough that if anything were to strike, it’d hit his arms first. Intertwine her legs with his to keep her extra secure. 

She replies with soft kisses on his cheek and deep sniffs of his hair, and he waits until she’s asleep first to be extra sure.

~*~*~*~*~

He feels better in the morning, when he runs laps in the courtyard, still so early that the sun hasn’t yet broken through the fog.

He feels better after a shower and some coffee, even though it still doesn’t make him feel like that much of an adult.

He feels better when he sees Aqua still sleeping in his bed - she normally likes to wake up early too, but when he has bad nights that interrupt her, her body demands its rest. It’s good knowing that he hasn’t ruined everything for her - she looks so comfortable bundled up in those layers. 

He feels better when he gently kisses her cheek and leaves her to dream, finding someplace in the library to spend time reading books.

Being a Keyblade Wielder is not just about knowing how to fight with it; that’s what all these books are for. Who knows how many are in here, maybe thousands? He’s read most of them but these days he still needs answers. 

He sifts through ones he’s read before, to see if all this experience might give him a completely new perspective on the battle between darkness and light (white and black). He’s also looking for ones he’s never seen before, hoping that there is some answer in there to help him sleep at night. 

No luck.

It’s only when footsteps approach that he realizes he’s been obsessing and lost track of time. Again.

“Look what I found,” Aqua announces, displaying a long wooden box with a rusty brass lock. 

Keyblade Wielders believe in light. They believe in the stars, which teach them that light will shine down even among a dark sky. Sometimes, their wise lessons are rough, heartbreaking, confusing. 

Sometimes, the stars think they’re funny when they’re trying to be serendipitous. 

“The Master’s old chess board,” Terra answers.

She sets it down on the table, and with the careful way she’s opening it, Terra can tell that she had waited until he was with her before peeking inside. 

It’s in surprisingly good condition, the spaces clean (with one side chipped, Terra can’t remember who did that), and the pieces pristine in each of their unique designs. It smells musty, very much like the Master if he was close enough to hug. 

“It makes me really miss him,” she says and she might as well speak for the both of them. 

There’s so many good memories over this game - the Master never allowed room for any arguments, any disagreements. This game was strictly a test for analysis, for nerve, for patience. Even when playing opposing teams, this game is and will only ever be made for friends. 

Terra and Aqua of course played against each other but their favorite version is when they tag-teamed against the Master. 

Young children would break the rule that banned arguing, ordering each other which piece should go where, but with enough vigilance (and enough years), Terra and Aqua learned to trust. Don’t tell the other where to go, watch for clues of what they’re thinking, let it be and have faith that their partner has a plan and if it changes, hopefully it’s for the best. 

Besides, if they sat there discussing all of their strategies in detail, then the Master would know (not that it helped, he always won). They used to hope that one day, they’ll finally beat him.

Eraqus was a man who kept his personal life very private, and it’s one of their lingering questions - who taught him to be so good? They’ll never know.

“We’ll never be able to tag-team again,” she says to Terra, setting up the game and putting the pieces in their proper places. Twelve years did not make her forget. 

“We could on Ven,” he says, before realizing how dumb that sounds.

“We’d pulverize him.” She shakes her head compassionately.

The board is prepared, and she spins it, giving Terra the white pieces.

“That means you’ll go first,” she says.

Every game of chess, at least to him, starts off pretty plain, but she’s an aggressive player. A sinking feeling in his stomach burns when he takes one of hers, but she always comes around to show him who’s boss.

Not that he particularly cares about winning this time.

“We used to pretend to be the pieces when we were little,” he says, a memory coming to defend him from the more gruesome images from the dream last night. “Remember?”

She’s about to put down a black rook but stops herself to laugh. “We did, wow, I completely forgot.”

“That would put you today as… I guess the Queen? Queen and Master of the castle,” he announces, using a bishop to take her pawn.

“And that would make you…” she makes a condescending face. “The King? You sure you want to be that one?”

Even pawns are better - he can sacrifice one for the good of many, and sometimes they can become Queens themselves, like a backup. 

Take the King and it’s over. 

“No, he’s completely useless. I’ll be your other Queen.”

She lifts a black knight into the air, above the board. “We wanted to be knights together.”

“That’s right.” He holds up a white knight, crossing it with hers. “Knights that would save the worlds and all other Kings and Queens out there.”

“What do you think? We’re still knights?”

“Hm.” Sometimes, more than he likes to admit, he thinks of her as his superior, like he isn’t good enough and never will be and there’s no telling why she would settle for him. But this is a horrible thought, and she’s his partner. Always, they said to each other. “We’re still knights.”

Her eyes sparkle. “Good.” She uses her knight to take one of his pawns - putting his own Queen into a precarious situation. “Now we just have to prepare your Mark of Mastery exam.” 

Terra takes a sharp inhale - layers his arms over the surface of the table and for some odd reason, he’s nearly moved to tears. “Thank you,” he whispers. 

“You’re very welcome.” She waits for his move.

But he bides his time. “How do I know I’ll get a fair assessment when I’m sleeping with the Master who’s conducting it?”

She bites her lip, watching him knock her knight out of the board with his trusty white bishop. “I’ve thought about that and… I’ve decided to invite Riku to help me run the exam. He’ll watch you and promised to give his honest opinion.”

For a moment he forgets what his gaming strategy is supposed to be as she moves another knight. “That’s honestly a great idea. He’s better at this stuff than the both of us really.”

“He is, the little prodigy.” 

Aqua’s now distracted and has neglected to really protect her Queen. He moves a knight in. “That has to be the easiest checkmate I’ve ever experienced,” he proclaims leaning back as his hands interlace behind his head. 

“Well, you’ve cheated.”

“How?”

“Because I wasn’t at my A-game.”

“You’re such a sore loser.”

“Takes one to know one.” She leans on her hands, biting her lip and it makes him want to bend over and kiss her. Thinking of doing that over the Master’s ancient, precious chess game seems violating, though.

But it’s moments like these where it gets him to think that there’s not a definite timeline for dreaming. Some will wait, others will pass, and there are some that morph and become different.

Here is Aqua though, in her grace, companionship and loyalty to him, making dreams come true. He feels better.

[sugamoonv]

Whipped Namjoon

A.N: Another Headcanon!!!!! I just have some strong feelings for my intelligent, talented string bean.

Let's just say you work as camerawoman or man

You’re interning with bighit and are currently working on your degree in film and directing

But one of your jobs is to follow BTS around and help with Run episodes, choreo videos that they want to use for reference

Bc the actual choreo is shot by people higher up

 Since your job is to literally follow BTS around with a camera, you get to know them pretty well

They’re all incredibly nice to the staff around them

though since you’re new and do more assisting than directing, you don’t talk to them too much......yet

 Namjoon just kind of awkwardly stares at you infatuated for the longest time hoping that you and his members think he’s looking at the camera

Until one day when you get a break and you’re just sitting on the floor in the dance studio eating your lunch

Namjoon builds up the courage to join you

His members kind of give him confused looks when Namjoon brushes them off to sit with you all of a sudden

He finds out that you have a lot on common actually, and if you weren’t already beautiful to him, then listening to you talk to him about something he likes cements his schoolgirl crush on you

He’s especially enamored with the way you ramble about the things your passionate about, even if it’s something he doesn’t understand

After eating lunch together, Namjoon tries to find small moments to talk to you, be near you, etc.

Jeon “romance boy” Jungkook soon realizes that it’s not the camera that Namjoon is staring at as if it were the freaking moon

it was in fact you

And boi does the teasing start bc the little shit just couldnt keep his mouth shut over how his hyung was head over heels for you

Besides the staring, Namjoon makes his crush incredibly obvious to anyone with a brain cell

He’s suddenly more clumsy and the way you laugh only subconsciously reinforces him to be clumsy

Namjoon also laughs at everything you laugh at or every joke you crack

And I’m not talking a haha, that was funny, chuckle

I mean like the real, genuine, full-on belly laugh

To Namjoon, all the comedians in the world combined would never be as funny as the dumb scenarios or quips you come up with

And they say that a good sense of humor comes with intelligence so........

Luckily, you have more than one brain cell and aren’t completely oblivious

The boys aren’t exactly subtle either.....

Whenever you enter the room, the boys start giggling and looking at you and Namjoon before turning and whispering to each other

and the oh-so-subtle comments about how you and Namjoon should get food together for everything, or how Namjoon is alone in his studio, or “Doesn’t Y/N look nice today?” 

Namjoon is the only one that’s forced to answer that question

Not that he’s upset about it

It’s just he preferred if he could say you looked good without any prompts and without his face turning tomato red

 Namjoon takes you under his wing

I feel like that’s how he shows he cares about someone

He provides emotional support, helps with anything you need, gives advice, and just overall wants to help you grow and be healthy

As you get closer, you begin going out of your way to help each other out

You’ll volunteer your time to listen to new songs or ideas Namjoon has, go over the choreo with him when he’s struggling, give him small pieces of advice on his outfits and what not

Namjoon likes to sit with you as you edit videos

Maybe if it was a busy day, he offers a massage bc holding a camera up all day WILL make your arms sore, no matter how much you work out

It gets to the point where you constantly buy each other food and carry snacks and water with you at all times, bc what if the other gets hungry?????????

Absolutely not

Namjoon is the one that asks you out first

tbh, Namjoon is kinda old fashioned in that he believes it’s up to the guy to ask the other person out

Though if you had asked him out first, he would be just as happy

The boys all ship you

To the point where it almost becomes overbearing????

They all work to hide your new relationship from management bc both of you aren’t sure how well BigHit would take you dating

With Namjoon being an idol, dating was already bound to be difficult for him, and companies have become laxer on it but still

Not to mention that the person he’s dating is technically a co-worker

They boys come up with the idea to put on a fancy dinner for your first date since you and Namjoon can’t go out without risking being caught

Jin cooks the food

Jimin and Taehyung wait on you

Jimin had to drag Tae away from the table bc he wanted to talk about how good of a job he did decorating with you guys

Jungkook wanted to sing for you guys??????????

he claimed he wanted to do it to set the atmosphere

Yoongi nearly beats him and offers to play the piano in the background

Namjoon feels a little better considering Yoongi won’t snitch if Namjoon fucks up

You catch Hobi spying on you, but needless to say it goes well

so well that you and Namjoon become official by the next week

Since you and Namjoon are officially an item, none of the boys get upset when he ditches them to be with you

they still definitely tease him tho

Namjoon comes up with dumb excuses to have you near him

“Namjoon, you’re just going to do laundry. Why would Y/N need to accompany you?”

“The FaNs mAY WaNT tO SeE HOw I wASh mY CLoThEs?????”

Yeah that does’t work for too long and BigHit eventually puts two and two together

They weren’t happy

They told Namjoon to break up with you and he got PISSED

he went off on this whole angry rant about how you’re good for him and how hard he’s worked for BigHit and BTS so he deserves to be happy, and how BTS is big enough and the fans are so wonderful that they would accept you

He basically told them if they ever tried to force him to break up with you again, he would break his contract

You felt bad and told Namjoon that perhaps you should break up

You both had your careers to focus on and BigHit didn’t approve and you worried that the fans would hate you for taking Namjoon from them

You let your doubts get the best of you.

You’re both mature adults so after two days of arguing, you both agree to sit down and talk this out

Neither of you wants this fight to be what defines your relationship

Because of this, you come up with a pact to always be honest with one another and that if you’re still angry with the other person after a certain amount of time, you HAD to talk it out

because with his and your busy schedules, the whole, no one goes to bed angry thing may not always work and sometimes that was the reality as trying to talk about an issue may make the person angrier before bed

One thing you were surprised about was how needy Namjoon actually was

As the leader, he has to appear more mature that his members and so you and him don’t perform much pda

maybe holding hands, hugging, or him putting his arm on your shoulder/waist

but other than that.....nada

But behind closed doors??????

That boy is all over you

You can’t go more than two minutes without having his lips on your when he’s in the mood

and that’s not even when he’s in the mood IN THE MOOD

Namjoon often overworks himself which brings a lot of frustrated energy into the bedroom

He once fucked you so hard that wearing skinny jeans was a no no

Namjoon was also loud af that night so none of the boys got any sleep

Yoongi has that 3 million dollar apartment so you bet your ass he went there to actually have some peace and quiet

the others begged to go with him but he only invited Jimin

which only made the remaining members even more miserable

Jin told Namjoon that if he was that loud ever again in the dorms, Jin would leave BTS and never talk to him again

Everyone but Jimin and Yoongi were exhausted the next day, all for different reasons

Namjoon also likes to have slow, passionate sex too

Morning sex is his favorite

you’re just so soft and all of you is bare to him

he loves that he’s the only one that sees you in your natural state like this and can make love

After a year or so of dating, Namjoon really wants to get serious

You’ve already met his parents and he still has the same feelings for you the day you got together

He starts daydreaming about what it would be like to have children, pets, and a home

When you’re gone, he’ll gush to his members about how much he would enjoy being domestic with you

This man can go on for hours on how he’ll buy your favorite snacks (he’s had those memorized for a while now) and how you’ll coook for each other and try new recipes together

Jin laughs at him for this bc the boy can’y even properly cut on onion much less cook

Namjoon also talks about how amazing it would be to fold laundry together and go furniture shopping

The boys may joke but they would never actually tell Namjoon to shut up

They love Namjoon too much and he works hard for them and seeing you make him this happy, makes them happy

These future plans start to make up the majority of your after-sex pillowtalks

When he broke his relationship to the fans, most were happy but there was a bunch that were angry at you, and all of a sudden you had a ton of attention on you

So he didn’t want to make the proposal a public thing

Namjoon had to go on tour and unfortunately you weren’t going with them as you weren’t too needed, which was fine

The thing was, the sneaky little bitch didn’t tell you when he got back

So you just walk into your shared apartment to hear your favorite soft song playing, scented candles going and a pathway of rose petals

And you walk in slowly bc what the fuck right??????

Only to see Namjoon standing in the middle of the room, dressed to the nines while you look like a bum coming home from a long day of work

But he still looks at you as if you’re the most beautiful person in the world and with so much love

you almost run to him bc you missed him so much but when he gets on one knee when you see him

you freeze

Namjoon is shaking, bad, but that’s okay bc you’re on the verge of happy sobbing

imagine if I said you didn’t accept the proposal lmao

Namjoon swears that that night is the happiest he’ll ever be

making love to you after being away for so long while the only thing you’re wearing is his ring......

He could literally die from overwhelming happiness

The boys throw Namjoon and you an engagement party, but you think that they did so just to have an excuse to get drunk

From the get-go, they start planning Namjoon’s bachelor party

Taehyung asks if he can be your bridesmaid and you almost say yes

Jungkook has kind of become a brother to you, so you ask him if he wants to help walk you down the isle

it’s really unconventional, so Jungkook is shocked for a couple minutes then he just starts crying

He says it would be the biggest honor to help give you away to his brother

Namjoon can’t pick one person to be his best man so he just makes all of the boys his best men

Everyone is at this wedding

All of the boys family and yours, all the staff from BigHit that work with BTS, and all of your’s and BTS’s friends

BigHit wanted to televise the wedding but Namjoon said that he would prefer if was private to the people he was close with

No offense, Namjoon loves his fans, but this wedding is so special to him, he just wants it to be as intimate he can get it

And would it truly be Namjoon’s wedding fi he didn’t break at least one thing?????

He calls his dad into the room panicking because he broke one of the buttons on his tux

Then during the ceremony, the clip on mic somehow breaks so both of you are forced to stand there until it’s fixed to continue the wedding

Namjoon’s so happy he doesn’t care if everyone is laughing at him, including you

Namjoon chokes up a lot during his vows and when he tries to hide that he’s crying, you just laugh at him with happy tears in your eyes too

Hobi and Jungkook cry the whole wedding

Well all the boys do but Hobi and Jungkook literally cry from the moment you begin to walk down the isle to the 30 minutes after the reception begins

Jimin’s, Jin’s, and Taehyung’s eyes are also red from crying but theyre more happy than emotional

Yoongi doesn’t cry until he gives his speech

He gives this sentimental speech about how Namjoon means so much to him and how proud and happy he is for you and Namjoon

And when he looks at Namjoon’s teary eyes, he just kind of breaks down

Namjoon hugs Yoongi for 10 minutes while Yoongi sobs into his shoulder

Namjoon takes you to the country you’ve always wanted to go to for the honeymoon

He apologizes over the fact that it won’t be a normal honeymoon since some fans will probably recognize him

The first few days isnt an issue since neither of you leaves your luxury hotel room.

bc lets be honest, everyone knows honeymoons aren’t meant for visiting museums and learning the local history......

if you weren't acquainted with each other's bodies, well now you are

you and Namjoon decide to hold off on having kids for a while, at least until his contract runs out with BigHit

Instead, you buy a dog and with how much Namjoon and honestly, the rest of BTS spoil him, it might as well be your child

I mean Taehyung bought the dog a custom gucci dog sweater for when it’s cold and he has to go pee or go for a walk

Bottom line, Namjoon loves you with all his heart and every day he’s incredibly grateful for the many ways he’s blessed having his brothers by his side and being able to call you his

Permanent Tag List: @eshika0102 @detectivebourbon @omgsuperstarg

[jazzman-19-blog]

Crazy Little Thing Called Life

A/N: ok but that gif tho, i am always down for soft Ben moments. And that’s exactly what you got in this chapter. This is the longest chapter yet I believe?? I don’t know but I hope you guys enjoy it! There is some of Ben’s POV in here for like a paragraph. Byeeee :]

~with lots of love, Jazzman~

Summary: A road trip/vacation between two old friends that turns into something more(basic plot but whateva)

Song: A Sky Full Of Stars by Coldplay

Pairing: Ben x reader

Word Count: 2247

Warnings: Fluff? maybe? yeah, fluff ;], language

If you would like to be added to the taglist, just ask! 

*Reblogs/asks/opinions are always appreciated* 

Ch. 3: Eyes Like The Stars

——————–

     The next couple days in Yuma were really fun. The first day you stopped by your grandma’s house and she was thrilled to see you but mostly towards Ben. He was like the grandson she never had. Literally. All of her children only had girls which meant she only ever had granddaughters. But Ben was close with your grandma and loved that woman to death. They probably had secrets they shared that you didn’t know about. You both hanged at her house all day. You guys made coffee, played Loteria, and even decided to stay for dinner since she begged for you to. Even though you weren’t planning on leaving anyways. You were there all day and talked about how everybody’s been and how your family was in Yuma. 

     It was starting to get late and you wanted to head over to your hotel before it got too dark. But before you and Ben started to head out, your grandma gave you guys a blanket each that she made for the two of you. Your blanket was a beautiful turquoise color with black cursive writing that said:

     “There is only one happiness in life- to love and to be loved”

     You were holding onto that blanket like there was no tomorrow. Your eyes started to swell with tears of joy. Your grandma always knew you had a passion for poetry, so she made you a blanket with your favorite colors and your favorite quote. That woman was going to be the death of you. You walked over to her and gave her the biggest hug you have ever given to anybody. You didn’t know what you would have done without her. You pulled back and wiped away your tears, even your grandma was crying at this point. But they were all tears of joy and happiness. As you all said your final goodbyes, you walked over and climbed into the passenger seat. The blanket sat on your lap as you made your way back to the hotel. You wanted to see Ben’s but he wouldn’t let you. All you knew was that it was black with bold, yellow writing. 

     The last day in Yuma was spent looking around the place. You and Ben had decided to stop by Lutes Casino to eat, weirdly for its name, it’s not actually a casino. You also stopped by the infamous Yuma Territorial Prison. It gave you creepy vibes so you wanted to get out of there as fast as possible. Ben on the other hand quite liked it, he liked spooky things. You stopped by the Ocean to Ocean bridge while you guys were at the prison. It was one of the first highway crossing of the lower Colorado river. 

     Yuma always amazes you with all of its history and interesting places to go and explore. People back home always talked about how there was nothing to do in Yuma but that wasn’t true. You loved the place and you had always visited with your family. Sometimes Ben would tag along, he knew this place like the back of his hand. He had a great memory unlike you, who always forgets everything. 

    Tomorrow, you and Ben had to start heading for San Diego except this time you made Ben drive. Of course if he got tired, you would step in and take the wheel. Right now though, you and Ben wanted to go and watch the stars. You both brought a blanket to lay on the ground, you had decided to go to Joe Henry Memorial Park. Luckily, it had an open grass area so you could see the night sky. It was around nine when you had got there and the stars were already out. Ben had found the perfect spot and set the blanket down. You also thought it was a good idea to bring pillows for comfort. Ben thought it was ridiculous but you brought him one anyways. He ended up using it too. 

    Now you and Ben were just laying there watching the night sky go by. It was relaxing to say the least. Even though the mystical night sky was mesmerizing and beautiful, you couldn’t keep your eyes off of the person next to you. Your best friend. The person you’ve known forever. He was absolutely gorgeous in the moonlight. Even in a sky full of stars, you found yourself only paying attention to him. His face just absolutely glowed and his hair, his perfect fucking hair, falling in all the right places. How did you just notice this about him? How perfect he was. Straightest jawline you’ve ever seen and perfect, oh so perfect, lips.

     You shook your head and turned back to the night sky. You didn’t love Ben for his looks like the other high school girls, you loved him for his wonderful personality. Your inner thoughts were screaming at you. You couldn’t be falling for your best friend now. You just couldn’t, you didn’t want to break that close bond you both had. It would break you. Shatter your heart into a million pieces from losing your best friend. But you wanted to give him all of your heart and you didn’t care if he teared you apart. Because you would love him anyways no matter what. You kept your feelings for him hidden, locked away, never to be seen again. At least until now. You hadn’t notice your heart was racing until Ben tapped you on your shoulder. 

     “Hey? Y/n? Love? You alright? I can hear your heart racing from here.” Ben sat up to make sure you were still conscious. 

     “Yeah I’m fine.” You said still looking at the sky.

     “Is something wrong? We can go back to-” You cut him off.

     “Yes Ben, everything’s okay,” You look up at him this time. Fuck. Those damn green eyes always killed you. “I just want a hug.” you blurt out.

     “Okay, could’ve just asked in the first place.” Ben said as he smiled at you. He laid down next to you and wrapped his arms around your waist. You turned onto your side to face him and buried your face into his warm chest while you rested your hands on his chest too. How was he so warm when you were absolutely freezing. 

     “Better?”

     “Much better…” You whispered. Were you happy now even though you both have snuggled like this before? Absolutely. Were you ever going to let go? Hopefully not because you didn’t want to let go. You wanted to stay like this forever. 

     Sadly, you knew that it was getting late and you both had to be up and ready to go at noon. You looked up at Ben and could tell his eyes were drooping ever so slightly. 

     “Ben, come on, it’s late and we need to get back to the hotel.” You slipped one of your hands off his chest and started to slightly shake him. Ben grabbed onto your waist tighter than before and pulled you closer. 

     “Do we have to go? We can just lay here all night.” You liked the idea but you knew you were going to regret it in the morning. You slipped out of Ben’s grasp on your waist and sat up. Ben had mumbled something but you couldn’t hear him. This time you shook him violently.

     “Ben! Come on! We have to be up early in the morning,” He still didn’t budge. Instead he just rolled onto his other side with his back towards you. You stood up and sighed. You didn’t know what to do to get him up. “Benjamin Jones! Get up!” 

    “Fineeeeee.” He sat up and rubbed his eyes while groaning. You grabbed the two pillows and headed for the car. You grabbed the keys out of your back pocket and unlocked it before jumping into the driver’s seat and throwing the pillows in the back. You knew Ben wouldn’t be able to drive right now. You started the car and jumped back out to see where Ben was. He was nowhere to be found. You started to panic and kept calling out his name like he was a lost dog. But it was no use, you couldn’t find him. The blanket is gone too. You run back over to the car and headed to the back to get a flashlight. But before you do, Ben jumps from behind the SUV and nearly scares you to death. 

     “BEN!” You fall to your knees on the hard pavement and put your face in your hands while Ben is laughing. At least until he realizes your on the ground. 

     “Wait-” Ben crouches down to your level. “I didn’t mean to scare you that bad, I’m sorry”

     You don’t say anything. Ben is getting really worried that he scared you too much. But as you take your hands off of your face and look back up at him, he realizes that your not upset, your giggling. Which turned into full on laughter. Ben gets up.

      “Christ, Y/n! I thought I made you upset and you started crying!” Ben held out a hand for you to help you up. You grabbed it and pulled yourself up. You couldn’t stop laughing to speak so Ben just pushed you back into the direction of the driver’s seat. You climbed in as he got on the other side. You had stopped laughing at this point and your breathing had slowed down. Ben just sat there waiting for you to go.

     “So,” Ben looked over at you as you gripped onto the steering wheel and started to drive back to the hotel. “Did you hear what I mumbled back there?” You looked over at him.

     “No. Was it important?” He had decided to look in the other direction towards the window. 

     “No, it wasn’t. Just wondering was all.” And with that you both headed back to the hotel. Ben didn’t think it was important to you at least. But to him, it was a whole other story. He couldn’t believe the fact that he actually told you that he loved you. Even though you didn’t hear, he felt like you did. Thoughts kept racing through his head. What if you did hear but didn’t want to say anything so the topic wouldn’t have been brought up? What if you didn’t feel the same way? It was all just one-sided? It scared him to think of losing his best friend to his emotions. He didn’t want to lose you so he held it in these last few years. He didn’t know how to tell you or when. All he knew was that he loved you and couldn’t stand to see you with someone else. In high school, when you had break-ups, he would help you get through it but he was so happy you weren’t with them anymore. He thought maybe you could be his someday. That day never came though. At least not yet. When you asked him for a hug, he felt his heart explode. He instantly snuggled with you and didn’t want to let go. Earlier when you looked up at the sky, he could see how the moonlight made your eyes sparkle. You had eyes that shined like the stars above. How beautiful you looked just laying there, such a heavenly view. All he wanted to do was hold you in his arms and you let him. But sadly, it ended too quickly and now both of you were driving back to the hotel before heading off to Cali. 

     You both ended up safely back in the hotel room. You plopped on your bed, tired from all of the fun you had all day. You grabbed your clothes and changed in the bathroom. When you came out, Ben had already changed into some shorts and no shirt. God, he looked like he was sculpted by the Gods. He was in great shape from playing soccer so much. But that’s how he got his scholarship, all through soccer. You threw your clothes in the pile and crawled onto your bed, making sure your butt stuck out a bit for Ben to see. But too bad he had already went into the bathroom. 

     When he came out, you were snuggled in your blankets. For some reason, you were absolutely freezing. And Ben could tell. 

     “You alright Love?” Fuck. His accent made your stomach do somersault. He learned his accent from being around his parents so much. Of course you though, didn’t have an accent like your mom. You were more like your dad in every shape and form and were used to speaking without an accent. 

     “I’m okay, just freezing to death.” After you had said that you flipped onto your other side to face the wall. But before you knew it, Ben had slipped into your bed and wrapped his arm around your waist once more. At first you were tense, you didn’t expect Ben to crawl next to you but you weren’t complaining. You relaxed more as you got warmer from his touch. It made your heart fly. You slept together for the rest of the night. You could feel him breathing down your neck and you loved it. 

     Throughout the night, the space between the two of you got smaller and smaller until your back was right against his stomach. He made you so warm, inside and out. God, you loved this man, if only he knew how much.

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