#it's so strange like idek what i was doing. i think i was about to go to sleep?

[perexcri]

actually i hope byler cheats so bad next season that stranger things becomes the southern drama it was always meant to be the likes of which could only ever be found in the wet dreams of tennessee williams and it ends with one person dead on the pavement bleeding out and another on their knees screaming in the rain while tearing their clothes and dumping ashes on their head and another forced to leave hawkins under a false name and then it all gets buried until the year of our lord 2018 when an up-and-coming true crime podcast that loves to use people's personal stories of tragedy for storytelling and a quick buck unearths the whole sordid affair and uses it as fodder for their 45 minute production that's 37% comprised of hello fresh and better help sponsorships

[botchedsundoll]

L. KENNEDY, C. REDFIELD, C. OLIVEIRA X READER (SEPARATE)

ೃ⁀➷ sypnosis; christmas hc’s

ೃ⁀➷ warnings; none! pure fluff

ೃ⁀➷ author’s note; ho ho ho merry christmas idc if its nov its christmas time… do ppl drink on christmas? we do so idek? icl this is all like stuff i made up bcos i don’t celebrate christmas like this but wtv we roll #wesołychświąt

C. OLIVEIRA

do not let this man near the kitchen. everything that can go wrong goes WRONG

ask him to take something out the oven, he drops it. ask him to stir something in the bowl he stirs too vigorously and it goes flying all over the counters

he’s a pain. he’s distracting. constantly getting infront of you with the mistletoe, thinking he’s slick by trying to sneak in kisses. constantly sneaking bites of food whenever he thinks you’re not looking (you are, and you smack his hands away with a spoon)

one thing he’s actually good at and enjoys is cookie decorating. he’ll make little gingerbread men of you two and make them so damn detailed. makes one for jill too, though with less care and her face ends up a bit… strange

he’s THAT person which is always ringing everyone, friends and family, wishing them a merry christmas and sends them stupid gifs slavic babcias love so much (if u dont know what i mean then☹️)

LOVES the whole aspect of the christmas tree yet hates putting it together, it pisses him off to no end and half way through ends up calling you over to help him… definitely picks you up so that you can put the star on top

if he gets an ugly christmas sweater you best believe he’s wearing it for the full day, no shame

L. KENNEDY

depends which leon we’re talking about

younger leon puts in more effort, older leon genuinely can’t be fucked to do much

walks around with a trash bag when everyone’s opening presents so there’s no mess on the floor

your guys’ house is literally the christmas function. every year. mostly due to you inviting everyone round and deciding to host it, much to leon’s annoyance but he doesn’t mind THAT much since he loves you!!

definitely the best gift giver. for some damn reason he just knows what everyone wants, genuinely no explanation for it. he just does

he’s such a sweetheart, constantly asking you if you need help with anything in the kitchen or whether you need him to pop to the store for anything

he 100% sang carols when he was younger. just imagine 7 year old leon, hair gelled back, button up shirt, stood infront of the tv singing carols (lets pretend he didn’t have all that trauma okay)… get him to sing again, he might cave once he’s drunk enough with chris

on the topic of chris, something ALWAYS happens when the pair have had a few and aren’t sober any longer. something always gets broken for some reason

one year, they randomly got up and started dancing. leon went flying into the christmas tree and took it down with him.

i hc him as having a rather large sweet tooth, so he’s always down for some cookie decorating! it’s rather sloppy and they end up looking questionable most of the time, but he ends up eating half of them before he’s even fully finished decorating so that’s not much of a problem anyways

C. REDFIELD

santa. need i say more?

nag him constantly to wear a santa outfit or atleast a santa hat. he will cave eventually

DEFINITELY gets a wallet for christmas every damn year without fail, yet doesn’t even use the damn wallets

him in the kitchen helping you out is definitely… something. he doesn’t know how to measure - what the fuck is a cup?

you asked him to help you out and stuff the turkey. he walked out the kitchen.

gets claire shitty gifts on purpose but then gives her her ACTUAL gift. they’re siblings after all, he can’t help it, old habits die hard

hates decorating the outside of the house. it’s his nightmare. all the stupid lights, just no

goes CRAZY on your gift. it’s like a little reward for all the effort you go through every year, and it’s always something you wanted badly and doesn’t fail to put a smile on your face

he’s not necessarily a fan of sweet things, but hot chocolate? that’s a completely different story entirely, you end up having to send him to buy milk since he drank the whole damn carton and there’s none left by the time you get around to actually preparing for dinner

like leon, sits there with a trash bag. he gives such dad vibes i can’t stop imagining it

him and leon ultimate christmas duo after a few drinks. all of a sudden chris is in the biggest christmas spirit ever and can’t get last christmas out his head

best thing is? he’s not even too big on christmas. he actually celebrates it just because of you, what a sweetheart

[teabreakpancakes]

𝐖𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐖𝐄

AVENTURINE X GN! READER

Can we become we

No longer known as just you and me

Two separate lives now in unity

Stuck here together but

Will this always be just an arrangement?

cw: ooc aventurine, idek if it makes sense, no beta we die like *cough*

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Unfathomable.

How could a human being be so kind? you were more akin to a lapdog than a person, and yet, for that reason alone, he trusted you. He had rescued you purely out of impulse, he didn't even know why because for the first time, he had done something without thinking about what he would receive in return. In fact, you were the one who sought him out for the sole reason of paying him back, the one who tracked him down, the one who didn't feel deterred even in the face of harsh rejection. Had he known better, he would've assumed you bore a grudge against him, but your eyes showed no such thing.

He believes that there is no person who doesn't hide something, no person could be so open; to express everything without preservation would be to seek death, and yet here you were, showing no deceit, being so honest and sincere, but a bit rude if he had to be frank about it.

Why were you so awfully out of place in that category? you were too kind to deceive anyone, but too overtly rude as a person to be considered pleasant. Just who do you serve? what even is your aim? were you out to foil his plans? to raise him above the clouds only to be the reason for his plummet?—

"Hey, what's on your mind?" you piped up, waving your hand in front of his face. Upon hearing no reply from him, a frown surfaced on your lips. "Aven, are you alright?" you questioned worriedly, placing your face uncomfortably close to his own.

The sudden proximity broke Aventurine out of his stupor, prompting him to place his hands on your shoulders. “Y, Yes, I’m alright, no need to get so up close for confirmation” he sighed out, pushing you away gently. You blinked owlishly, gracing him with another one of those smiles, those smiles that blinded him. “I was just concerned because erm.. You’re gripping onto my hand too tightly for comfort sir” you spoke sheepishly, gesturing towards his hand that really was gripping onto your own like a vice.

Two-toned eyes drifted downwards, widening slightly in diameter upon realising that he really was holding onto your hand for dear life. He quickly released your hand, a hint of shame visible on his features as he smiled at you awkwardly. “I hadn’t realised, I apologise” he muttered. Strangely enough, you didn’t seem displeased until he let go, looking quite disappointed when he did so.

“I never said to let go but alright then” you shrugged, appearing to be a tad dejected. The blond man could only stare incredulously as he stared at your form that quickly perked up. “Aven” you called out, ‘and there goes the honorific’ he withheld a chuckle. Aventurine hummed, peering at you through his rosy lenses. “What is it?” he inquired, deciding to indulge in his… he didn’t quite know what to call you, his servant? no, his follower? that did not sound right, oh well, he’d ponder about what you were another time.

You shifted on the couch slightly, fiddling with your tie—the one he gifted you, the one he put on for you daily—a clear indicator of your nerves. He raised an eyebrow, cocking his head to the side slightly, ‘What is it this time?’ he wondered. Finally, as if gaining the courage, you gaze into his eyes, blurting out a quick “Can I see your eyes without your glasses”.

He could only really blink at your request, he had thought that it would be a troublesome matter, it was just the same request you’ve had of him over the long duration you’ve spent with him. With an exasperated sigh, he snaps his fingers and his shades disappear, and with that, he was fully “bare” before you. You were always so fascinated by his eyes, calling him pretty and bathing him with praise until he had pretty much gotten drowned by it.

“Permission to touch you sir?” you requested, as polite as you could possibly get. He nodded, leaning back into the soft material of the couch, this had become routine at some point. He watched as you eagerly took of your gloves, walking off into the direction of the nearest sink, you washed your hands so aggressively that he wondered why they weren’t raw.

Not even a minute later, you’re seated next to him, your soft hands cupping his face gently as you stared, no, admired him. It wasn’t like the gaze of those previous owners or buyers, no, it was too kind, too gentle, too innocent. It was the gaze of someone that was staring at something they cared deeply for. He had seen this look before, It was as if you were staring into the vastness of the bright universe outside of the spacecraft the two of you boarded.

Your hands were warm on his face, smelling of the body wash he had chosen for you. Your fingers gently trekked over the smooth planes of his skin, massaging his cheeks and jaw; Your gaze never faltered, always holding that same warmth and adoration. Had he not experienced this on the daily, he would’ve been beet red by now.

You two are stuck in that position for quite a while. Your humming soothes him, so it’s a delight to hear while you do whatever it is you’re doing, and yet, when that’s broken, he doesn’t seem to mind, because the words you utter out have become his favourite part of this “routine”.

“I love you” you spoke, voice only loud enough for his ears to hear. Part of him urges him to say it back because liars that refuse to admit how they truly feel are cowards, and yet another part of him refuses to believe that it’s true. Why would such a loving person such as you love someone like him genuinely? What right did he have to have someone that loved him so dearly, it simply didn’t make any sense to him, even if he had grown to love you just as much, it just didn’t make any sense. It’s dead silent between you two afterwards, a weirdly comfortable tension growing.

“Why?” he uttered out after a few minutes, his hand crawling up your arm to encompass your hand. He presses your hands against his face, fingers shaking slightly as he bites back a chuckle, ridiculing himself. “Why do you claim to love me? You say it so sincerely, y, you bare your raw feelings, displaying them on a silver platter and yet,” he releases a deep sigh, eyes watering as he bows his head. “And yet.. I cannot comprehend that it could be sincere, and dear, believe me, I want it to be sincere” he swallowed the lump in his throat, suppressing the crystalline fluid threatening to overflow from the very eyes he grew to hold hatred towards.

Your hands, they never wavered, they never let go. You instead gently tilted his head up to face you, caressing his cheeks with a soft smile on your lips. Your pain was evident in your eyes but you still chose to put on a smile instead.

“Aven, I adore you as if you are my night sky, I love the darkness, the light scattered across your vast sky,” you began, gently wiping the tears away from his eyes. “I had always been content with the night view from my planet, that is, until I met you” your face broke out into a joyous smile. “I had never thought that I would meet a person that I loved more than the vastness of the universe laid before me, but now I don’t seek to admire the sky, I wish to love and adore you, not out of anything but the sole reason that you are you”

It was as if the world stopped, because in that moment, all of his focus shifted towards you, paying no mind to anything else.

“Kakavasha, I love you and I am so proud of you and how far you’ve come, and wherever you may go, I will follow, and if it leads to our demise? Then I could not have cared less, because a fate without you would be a fate blind to the stars I love so very much”

Tears never seemed to stop flowing, but the difference was that the sweetest smile you had ever been graced with came from his face. His shoulders shook with silent laughter as he pulled you into his arms, burying his face into the crook of your neck.

Fine, he lost this time, he admits that it’s a foolish bet to lose, “I will never reveal true weakness to anyone”. Well, who knew he’d be here years later.

As your fingers carded through his sandy locks, he can’t help but utter out an “I love you”. These were words that had not come out of his lips in countless years, and you, the one who loved him for so long, had finally heard it.

is it ooc? most likely ^^

[lynn-tged-posting]

tged webtoon ep 165 spoilers and thoughts below the cut that im not terribly late on this time yippee!

.

.

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what if i went up to you and stared at you like this

HAHAHAHAHAAA I LOVE THIS PANEL SO SO MUCH

ive been sending this on like all my socmeds and to all my mutuals/irls. im tormenting them with it it's just so fucking cute and silly . puppy dog eyes javier. pleading emoji. he's just so fucking silly ALKJDFLSDKF HELL I MADE IT MY DISCORD PFP ITS SO GOOFY I LOVE IT SM HAHAHA CUTE CUTE CUTE

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

silly panels aside back to the top!

lloyd. stop hurting me oh god he looks so tired and gaunt and,,, lifeless. it HURTS seeing him like this, the life he once had just,,, stripped from him.

LIKE I WANTED TO SEE HIM WITH HIS HAIR DOWN AND MESSY BUT NOT LIKE THIS BRUH WHAT THE HELL SOB SOB SOB

the invitation oh my god. its so silly goofy but also so so personal its cute as hell its stupid looking but in the most affectionate way possible. the people of the estate really REALLY care about him and god idek if lloyd realizes that bc literally just after this, he apologizes to everyone for not being able to things for them anymore

not even able to get back up to get back to the bed GOD I FEEL SICK

but it doesnt matter anymore whether or not lloyd can still protect them, the estate has come to care for him so much , its not his protection they want they just fucking love him and he doesnt realize that i feel so fucking ill. lloyd i need you to open your eyes and look at this beautiful land, this beautiful home you've built with your own two hands. ITS NOT OVER YET PLEASE GOD ITS NOT OVER

and then lloyd without second thought chooses javier to live. because he really thinks hes just an extra getting in the way, a burden, a bug that shouldnt be there. so he thinks its fine if he, as a side character, is the one that dies SOMEONE PUNCH ME.

he looks so fucking SMALL. alone and in the dark IM GONNA EXPLODE INTO TEN BILLION PIECES. who wrote this fuckass program. SWEAR TO GOD IM COMIN DOWN TO FIX IT MYSELF GOD DAMMIT

AND THEN THE SYSTEM TEXTBOX COMING IN IM SO GRATEFUL PLEASE HELP HIM SOB SOB SOB

im super duper heartwarmed to see that whoever is running the blue textbox is on suho's side. it has never been impartial, huh,,, it just wants to see his wish come true. ooogh my heart.

lloyd looks,,, strangely peaceful here. is he like, paused rn? im not really sure what the system box is up to, but hopefully thisll delay anything from happening while javier is concocting his plan,,,

speaking of!

FATE KICKING IN LIKE TEN TIMES WORSE IS SO DAMN SCARY. THE MULTIPLE GIGATITANS OH GODDD im so fucking terrified. javier please hurry!!! he looks rlly cool on draggy here hehe

I THINK JAVIER AND ALICIAS EXCHANGE TOO IS SO FUCKING HILARIOUS. alicia, upon only seeing javier, immediately is suspicious of lloyd scheming something. she thinks the two of them are plotting again, hence the "what are you up to".

the problem is that it's just javier on this plan. there is no lloyd directing him, so javiers reaction is SO silly fun bc i. dont think he thinks of himself as being. scheming?? bc he seems SO confused at alicia's skepticism here HADLFKJSDLFKJ ITS SO FUNNY

I REALLY THINK JAVIER WAS GENUINELY A LITTLE CONFUSED AS TO WHY ALICIA WAS QUESTIONING HIM PLEAAASEEE

i think javier believes he's just going about business as usual. doing what he can to protect his lord, as he does, all the time, the usual. sure that involves getting an angel to ask the queen for the eye of summer, but that's certainly not plotting on the same scale that lloyd does. javier isnt a schemer. he just does whats necessary to protect the one he cares about the most. hence his goofy innocent puppy eyes, because its not like hes "up" to anything. idk how accurate this assessment is, so pls correct me if im wrong, but I LOVE IT A LOT HES JUST SO FUCKING DEDICATED I LOVE U JAVIER MVP!!!!!

and then raphie shows up yay!! EXCEPT HELP WHY DID HE GET SUCKED BACK IMMEDIATELY WHAT THE HELL he was so underprepared. poor guy. getting thrown around like this sob sob

ALICIA ASKING IF THIS IS SMTH JAVIER KNEW ABT OR IF THEY WERE PLANNING SOMETHING AND THEN JAVIER BEING GENUINELY FUCKING SHOCKED HELP MEEEE "maybe its not a prank...?" LMFAOOOOO

i mentioned this in the last ep post but like. again javier wears his heart on his sleeve he's so fucking protagonist its unreal. hell, not even on his sleeve, he has his heart out on his damn palm sob sob

i think he's shocked here bc he didnt expect raphaels call to play out like that, he prolly thought theyd issue it more seriously. the issue with this being so half-hearted is now alicia isnt absolutely certain that this is the will of the heavens, so she's less inclined to follow along. it doesnt help that her board of nobles (seriously why does she keep these bozos around they just keep yapping) are arguing back and forth abt whether or not to listen. this is kind of a little wrench in the smoothness of the plan... everything now hinges on alicia's whim now.

anyway two more panels javier being menacing/blunt as hell and alicia thinking on her throne,,, god they are so fucking. awesome i love them so much

anyway that is ALL! for this week! the episode felt a little bit slow to be honest, but i think that's because the events of this ep are little things that build up to whats next, so i dont mind it at all (especially since the last couple of eps have been super fast lately)! i really really enjoy this buildup and im super excited to see what happens next,,,

see yall next week! lloyd please be okay! or ill cry! like for real!

[heavcnslyre]

chapter three — j.f. ( masterlist )

LOVER, YOU SHOULD’VE COME OVER.

“maybe i'm too young to keep good love from going wrong

but tonight, you're on my mind so, you’ll never know”

taglist: @jellybassett @glowingtree

(authors note PLEASE READ: you guys are the SWEETEST ever omg the amount of love i’ve gotten on this so far is insane. i appreciate, and reread over and over again, every single comment or reblog i get, it genuinely keeps me so motivated to write and i appreciate you guys so so much you have no idea. i haven’t written in forever so i excepted no one to like this fic but so far you guys have proven that to be not true and it brings me so much joy. i plan for this to be long!! idek how many parts i’m just gonna keep writing chapters until the story ends!! i cannot guarantee how often updates will be but i’ll write my ass off as much as i can for a while!! all the love in the world to you guys!!! enjoy!!)

you wake up the next morning with no messages from peter. this, usually wouldn’t be strange since he often slept in later than you, but he didn’t even reply to your message from last night at ten thirty. he never went to bed earlier than two in the morning. a gross, nervous feeling creeps up on you. you try to shake it off, thinking that maybe he just fell asleep early when he hadn’t heard from you. that’s what you would keep telling yourself.

downstairs in the kitchen, steven and jeremiah were sitting on stools at the counter, comparing their cereals. belly was at the table, studying the pancakes she was eating. susannah was cooking more pancakes at the stove. “morning (y/n)!” susannah greets you as you enter the room. jeremiah looks up at you and when you make eye contact, he gives you a forced smile and then looks back down at his cereal. he’d been acting weird since last night, when you told him about peter. it actually sort of made you feel bad, that you didn’t tell him sooner. he was clearly bothered by it or offended about you not telling him. the last thing you wanted to do was make things weird between the two of you, and that’s exactly what you did.

“morning susannah,” you smile at her. “can i have some pancakes?”

“absolutely you can!” she exclaims, flipping a pancake over onto a plate. “give me two minutes and they’ll be ready.”

“thanks susannah,” you say then walk over to sit with belly at the table. she smiles at you, her mouth full of pancakes.

“what are you doing today?” she asks you. you shrug.

“dunno. what were you thinking?”

“you should take me driving,” belly smiles cheekily. you laugh. she always asked to go driving ever since you got your license, but you didn’t mind. she had told you before that she trusted you the most to teach her how to drive without being too judgmental.

“sure, bells,” you say. “you can drive me into town to grab some stuff from the store.”

“bonfire tonight, (y/n),” steven turns to face you. “don’t forget.”

you nod. “would never.”

“can i go?” belly asks, looking between the two of you. steven looks at jeremiah then laughs.

“belly, that’s not really your scene,” steven says. “you’ve never gone before.”

“well i wanna go now,” she looks at you. “please?”

you look at steven, who shakes his head. you shrug. “i don’t know, belly. isn’t tonight usually your movie night?”

“it is,” susannah appears with a plate of pancakes for you. you thank her as she sets them down. “but we could always reschedule if belly wanted to go to a party with her siblings.”

“see?” belly says. “even susannah doesn’t think it’s a bad idea.”

“don’t get me too involved, now,” susannah tucks belly’s hair behind her ear. “i have no opinion on the matter except for i want you to do whatever makes you happiest.”

“i think you should come, belly,” jeremiah speaks up for the first time since you’ve gotten downstairs. everyone turns to look at him and he shrugs. he won’t look at you. “it would be fun if you were there.”

“it’s decided then,” belly says. “i’m going with!”

“better make sure it’s okay with mom first,” steven tells her, but she waves him off, finishing her pancakes and going to rinse off her plate.

“(y/n), i’ll be in the pool. come get me when you’re ready to go!”

“thirty minutes after eating before you can swim!” susannah calls out to her, but belly was already gone. susannah shakes her head, but there’s a smile on that face. “that girl.”

soon enough, you and belly are in the car, her driving you both into town. the music was blasting and the windows were down, hair whipping everywhere, but neither of you cared.

“what do you have to get from town?” belly asks.

“some hair stuff and i wanna go to that one boutique we found last year and see if they have anything cute,” you reply. she grins.

“i completely forgot about that place!”

“me too until i was packing for this trip and found my skirt i got from there last year,” you and belly had always looked around different shops in town, mainly window-shopping and judging the clothes that were sold in those shops. they were so extremely over priced and half of them looked like something your grandmother would wear. that was, until last summer, when you found the most gorgeous hot pink skirt on a sale rack at a new boutique. you could not stop thinking about it after you left, so the next day you and belly went back so that you could buy it. you wore that skirt constantly. the thing you remembered most about it was the way that jeremiah had looked at you the first time you had worn it. he made you feel so special just from one look, so that skirt became a staple piece in your wardrobe after that. when you started dating peter, you stopped wearing the skirt. it was such a small, meaningless idea that he looked at you special when you wore a random skirt, but it meant a lot to you at the same time. enough that it felt like betrayal to pack the skirt to bring to cousins, so you left it at home.

you and belly spend the afternoon at the shops, picking out outfits for each other to try and laughing at the ridiculousness you put each other through. as you’re getting ready to leave, before she starts the car, belly turns to you. “(y/n).”

“what’s up bells?”

“have you noticed anything…different, about conrad?” she sounds hesitant to ask you, and almost whispers his name. you sigh.

“sorta,” you say. “i was talking to jere last night and he told me that things were weird with him. he doesn’t know why, but it’s been months. he quit the football team.”

“what!?” belly exclaims. “no way. he loves football, i thought he was gonna play in college.”

you shrug. “so did everyone. he just changed things out of nowhere. jere said that he won’t ever say anything and pretends nothing is wrong, but he hasn’t really tried talking to him. you know how guys are with each other. talking about stuff like that does not come easy.”

belly nods, staring down at the steering wheel. you touch her arm gently. “hey, maybe you should talk to him.”

“me?”

“yeah bells. he’s happier around you, even if you don’t see it. maybe he’ll talk to you.”

she sighs. “i don’t know (y/n). he seems mad at me. like, every time we’ve talked, he is so different,” she glances over at you. “you know how i feel about him. i just…i hate the thought of losing him.”

“you won’t. i promise you, you won’t. he’ll open up. you sure as hell did not do anything wrong, it’s probably just something small he needs to work through. everything will work itself out.”

belly smiles at you gratefully. “thank you, (y/n). i think i would go crazy without you.”

“that is exactly what a big sister is for.”

she starts the car and begins to drive away. “so, another thing… do you think i should be a debutant?”

“a debutant?” you ask, shocked. “belly, when i was considering it last summer you seemed disgusted.”

“i know,” she sighs. “but susannah asked me to do it…and i know she was bummed when you didn’t do it last year so i just figured….” she trails off, but she didn’t have to finish. susannah had asked you last year to be a deb and you were going to do it, you really were. you even started looking for dresses and planning everything. that was, until jeremiah announced that he had no intention of ever being an escort to the deb ball. it had felt like such an indirect that it completely killed all of your interest in the ball. he was the only person you had even considered asking to be your escort, and he so openly hated the idea of being one, so you figured that was a sign that it wasn’t right for you. if you were honest, you always regretted it.

“you should do it,” you say after a while. “you’re right, it would make susannah happy. and i’m sure you’ll have no problem finding an escort. it’d be a lot of fun to watch.”

“you think so?”

“definitely.”

belly nods, but doesn’t say anything, focusing on the road. you do the same thing, staring forward. part of you still wondered if jeremiah would have been your escort if you had asked. the other part of you hates yourself for thinking that you would be the exception.

later that night, you’re standing and staring at your closet, trying to figure out what to wear to the bonfire. you brought a few dresses and skirts, but suddenly, you hated everything you owned. this bonfire was super fun every year and the best way to start out the summer, so you felt so much pressure to pick out something cute.

“hey,” jeremiah appears in your doorway, ready to go. “you about ready?”

“yeah,” you sigh. “just gotta figure out what to wear.”

“hm,” he thinks for a second, walking towards your closet. “you still have that pink skirt from last summer? that was good.”

you look down. “uh, left it at home.”

“oh,” he says, a hint of disappointment in his voice. then, he clears his throat and turns his back to you, facing your clothes. he looks for a second before grabbing a blue sundress and handing it to you. “here. this is perfect.”

you look at the dress and smile. it was one of your favorite dresses, simple and comfortable but super cute. of course jeremiah would pick out a sundress for you to wear. he always claimed that girls in sundresses were his weakness.

“okay. get out so i can change,” you push him out the door and he laughs as you do, allowing you to close the door in his face. you change quickly and find a pair of sandals to go with the dress, check your hair and makeup one last time, then you went downstairs to meet everyone else. conrad and belly were sitting on opposite sides of the couch, steven in the middle of them (which looked like it was awkward for all three of them), and jeremiah sat in the chair by the couch, staring at his phone. when steven sees you come down, he shoots up from his seat and claps his hands. “alright! let’s get going! jere’s driving, i call shotgun!”

you make eye contact with jeremiah who smiles at you after looking you up and down. you feel yourself blush at his gaze. he always did this to you. you felt so special just by him looking at you. it was stupid, honestly. that’s just how he was.

the five of you pile out of the house and into jeremiah’s car, you, conrad, and belly squished into the back while steven and jeremiah sat in the front seat of the car, singing their hearts out to taylor swifts ‘cruel summer.’ they were insane when it came to her music, but neither of them would ever admit it.

as soon as you arrive at the beach, steven jumps out of the car. he’s halfway to the fire by the time you even open your car door, and conrad and jeremiah are following close behind him, leaving you and belly to walk down on your own. you glance over at belly, who is staring at the group of people on the beach, a nervous look on her face. you throw your arm around her. “it’ll be okay bells. it’s actually fun here, promise. just…don’t talk to anyone weird. or too old. and if you get uncomfortable just come find me. we’ll figure it out.”

she smiles at you gratefully. “thank you, (y/n). i’ll be okay. you go have fun with your friends.”

you squeeze her shoulder gently as your friend nicole waves you over. “love you bells.”

“love you too.”

you hurry over to nicole and hug her tightly. “oh, nicole! it’s so good to see you!”

“it’s so good to see you too!” she exclaims. as you pull away from the hug, she offers you a beer and you take it. “how have you been?”

“so good,” you tell her. “the school year was great and i actually have a boyfriend back home!”

“ohhh!!” nicole squeals. “what’s his name? how long have you been together? tell me everything.”

you fill her in on all of the details of your relationship, with her squealing excitedly at the end of almost every sentence. as soon as you finish talking, you feel a hand on your shoulder, and turn to see your friend shayla. it was your turn to squeal in excitement as you hug her tightly, then nicole does the same.

“shayla! i didn’t know you were coming this early!” nicole exclaims. shayla shrugs.

“yeah, mum and dad decided we’d come now rather than later,” shayla replies. “deb season, you know? they want me to be prepared.”

“oh, don’t remind me,” nicole sighs. “i’m helping as a big sister this year. i don’t know if i’m ready to go through it again.”

shayla laughs. “cant be that bad! at least, that’s what i’m telling myself.”

“do you know who’s gonna escort you?” nicole asks. shayla glances at you quickly.

“well, it’s so early, i don’t know…”

nicole scoffs. “shayla, you are the most prepared and efficient person i know. i know you have someone in mind.”

“well,” shayla gives you an embarrassed smile. “i was kinda thinking i would try to get to know steven more. see if he would escort me.”

both of the girls look at you, waiting for your reaction. usually, you hated when girls had a crush on your brother. at school, girls who did would try to become friends with you to get closer to him, and it was tiring. but this was different. shayla was one of the most kind, incredible people you have ever met. you knew she had no ill intentions. also, steven could use a good influence like her in his life. “that sounds like a great idea, shayla.” you say sincerely. she breathes an obvious sigh of relief.

“i’m so glad you said that,” she says. “i would never wanna pursue something if it meant it would hurt our friendship. no man is worth that.”

you nod. “you’re so right.”

nicole’s eyes drift over your shoulder. “i’m, uh…i’ll be right back.”

without either of you replying, she walks away. you watch her as she walks directly to conrad, who had apparently been by himself in that moment. you and shayla look at each other and laugh.

“she is so down bad for him,” shayla says. you nod.

“painful to watch sometimes.”

shayla laughs again. “well, i’ll see you later too, (y/n). i’m gonna go talk to steven.” you grin at her.

“have fun!”

as soon as she walks away and you’re left on your own, your phone buzzes. you pull it out to see a text from peter. finally. it had only been all day since you’d heard from him.

peter: been busy today babe sorry for not replying

peter: at party rn it’s super fun!

peter: look at this video lol there was a tall ass diving board i jumped in fully clothed

peter: (attachment, one video)

you smile at his messages and click on the video he sent you. it took a moment to load, but once it did, you almost dropped your phone in shock. it wasn’t a video of him jumping off the diving board. it was a video of him making out with a random girl. you watch in pure shock, unable to move. as the video goes on, you realize it wasn’t a random girl. it was cassie, your best friend. you watch the video closely, hoping for any sign that this was some sort of a dare or big joke, but there was nothing. they were just heavily making out, his hands up her shirt and her hands in his hair, and someone just happened to be filming on peter’s phone.

peter: oh shit

you stare at your phone for a full minute after the video ended, unsure what to do next. then, looking at your other hand, you knew. you chugged the rest of your beer, found a cooler, and chugged another one. when you started your third one, you felt a hand on your shoulder. “hey.”

you turn around to see jeremiah standing there, smiling at you. “you having fun?” he asks. you nod, chugging almost half of the new beer in one sip.

“so much fun,” you finish off the third beer and go to grab another one, but jeremiah grabs your hand.

“wait, be careful,” he says. “how many have you had?”

“that was like, my first,” you lie, opening a new beer. “don’t worry, jere. i’ll be fine. just having some fun.”

he stares at you, a concerned look on his face. “(y/n), you never drink like this. what’s going on?”

“nothing!” you say cheerfully. “just trying to start the summer out right,” you look around and see a group of people dancing nearby. you take a sip of your beer and motion towards them. “i’m going to dance.”

“(y/n),” jeremiah calls, but you were already stumbling away from him, towards the people dancing. shayla and steven were in that group, shayla doing more dancing than steven was, but both of them looking like they were having fun nonetheless. shayla grins at you as you approach, grabbing your free hand and spinning you around. you giggle and dance with her for a while, finishing off your beer as you do. you were definitely drunk at this point, which wasn’t hard for you, since you were a lightweight. at things like this, you usually stopped at one beer or seltzer, so you definitely were not used to four. it was good, though. it made you forget about peter and cassie betraying you.

it made you forget until now.

if you were honest, it didn’t surprise you as much as you thought it would. cassie had been the one to introduce you to peter, and she always had a weird connection to him. you almost felt stupid for not seeing this coming sooner. most of all though, you were just angry. angry at peter for leading you on and cheating on you. angry at cassie for supposedly being your best friend and then doing this the second you’re not in town. angry at both of them for ruining the one good thing you had in a long time. as you walk towards the beer cooler again, jeremiah catches up to you and grabs your arm, holding you back. “okay, no. i’m cutting you off, (y/n).”

“let go of me,” you grumble quietly, trying to free yourself from his grip, but he was much stronger than you. he grabbed your other arm so you were forced to face him.

“(y/n), what’s going on with you?”

“nothing!” you yell at him, catching the attention of a few people around you, but you were too far gone to care. “nothings going on with me! i’m just trying to have a good time, okay?”

jeremiah smiles awkwardly at a few people around you, trying to divert the attention away from the two of you. “i know you, (y/n). why are you acting like this? you’re never like this.”

“so what?” you say. “so what if i am?”

a few girls call jeremiah’s name and attempt to wave him over to them, but he ignores them. “come on, we should get you home.”

“i don’t wanna go home,” you say hardly, looking him in the eyes. he looks genuinely concerned for you. somehow, you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. “i wanna stay here.”

“(y/n)…” he’s cut off by the sound of police sirens and people yelling and scrambling around to pick up the beer cans and leave quickly. jeremiah swears under his breath and grabs your hand, pulling you away from the beach. “guess you have no choice.”

the two of you run towards his car, following everyone else who was running away from the scene. you look around frantically, but can’t find belly, conrad, or steven. “jere, wait, where’s everyone else?”

jeremiah shakes his head. “i’ll find them in a second. gotta get you to the car.”

“but belly, jere,” you say. “she’s probably scared shitless.”

he shakes his head again. “she found someone to hang out with. i’m sure she’s with him. i’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“but—“

“i’ll find her, (y/n).” he cuts you off. “just please get in the car first.” at this point, he sounds like he’s begging you. you look him in his eyes but have to look away quickly. the desperation in his expression was too painful to look at. you nod.

“okay.”

he squeezes your hand then opens the passenger door for you, allowing you to climb in. “i’ll be right back, okay? stay here.”

and with that, he’s running back towards the beach like he was superman. at that moment, it felt like he was, honestly. running back towards the cops in order to save everyone else. you weren’t sure that you knew many people who would do that. while you’re still alone in the car, you pull out your phone to finally reply to peter, who had texted you again, five times.

peter: (y/n) omg i’m so sorry

peter: wrong video but i swear it’s not what it looks like

peter: we’re both so drunk we were dared to do it and that’s why it was recorded

peter: please (y/n) please we didn’t mean it

peter: please believe me

you: fuck you

and with that, you block his number, and set your phone down. you wonder if you would have that much confidence if you were sober. you wonder if you would believe him if you were sober. it was a good thing that you weren’t, you figured. it was for the best. two months didn’t have to mean much, right? just a silly little mistake you made to date him that ended badly, but it didn’t matter, right? yeah your best friend betrayed you, but no worries, right?

suddenly, you realize that you are crying. sobbing, actually. uncontrollable sobs escape from your lips and you sit in the dark car, alone, sobbing your heart out. how was this fair? what did you do to deserve to lose your best friend and boyfriend all at once? the fact that if he hadn’t accidentally sent you that video then you never would have known made it worse. it made you wonder if this had been going on for a while, and he had just slipped up now. you could not stop crying.

even when the car doors opened and jeremiah slid into the seat next to you, you could not stop crying. he looks at you, shocked. “(y/n)?” he asks softly, unsure. the rest of the car is quiet, but you could feel everyone else’s presence in the backseat. you shake your head.

“i’m… i’m fine,” you say unconvincingly. “i’ll be, i’ll be okay.” you nod at jeremiah, who was staring at you with the same desperation on his face from before. he seems unconvinced, but starts the car, glancing at you again before he drives away. in the dark, he reaches over and grabs your hand, holding it tightly in his. you continue to cry silently for the rest of the ride home, squeezing his hand with both of yours.

[thrashkink-coven]

had a very very strange dream with Lucifer and Archangel Jophiel last night.

I was in some kind of grassy field, it kinda looked like a park with crows flying and milling about. In the ground was this huge cutout in the grass in the shape of a triangle. In the triangle were two lit candles, one black and one white, and a little cauldron full of water. Beside the cauldron were tea leaves.

So I step into the triangle and sit there. Not sure what to do. But the park is really nice, the sun is out and the wind is very warm and cozy. So I just chill there for a bit.

Then Jophiel randomly appears wearing white robes. He sits in the circle and puts down some cups, brews some tea in the cauldron. He doesn’t say anything, so I’m like “uh? hey? long time no see”

He hands me a cup and then says something like “I liked your theory but you got a few things wrong”

and I immediately knew what he was talking about. Yesterday I made a post about a conversation Lucifer and I had about the war of heaven and hell and the fall. So I was intrigued. What did i get wrong?

Before he has the opportunity to speak Lucifer appears, and he also in the triangle. Now each of us occupy each of its corners. Surprising because I don’t think I’ve ever seen the two together in the same scene like this.

and he says something like “I thought it was very good! Angels are perfectionists, they get hung up on every little detail.”

and Jophiel replies “well the devil is in the details”

and then there is an awkward kind of silence, before Jophiel stands up and says he’s departing.

And Lucifer stands too, agreeing and saying that he and I have business to attend to as well. And i’m confused.

He picks me up in his arms and before I can realize we’re somewhere totally different. His throne room office, but his desk is gone.

And then someone else enters the room. They were a shadowy figure that my eyes couldn’t really understand.

and this “person” starts talking to Lucifer, saying something like:

“O, shining one, we head your command. But your muts must be held on a tighter leash. She shares mistruths and confuses your disciples with arrogance. How dare she share your secret gnosis with strangers on the internet? I plead you punish her as deserved”

They spoke with deep anger. They were furious.

and I’m like??????????

is this dude talking about me???? Did he refer to me as a mut??? And also??????? is he misgendering me rn???? I was so confused dude.

And the entire time this guy is speaking Lucifer is looking at me. Until after a while of him ranting he puts up his hand and the dude shuts up.

Then Lucifer extends his hand to me and I walk over to him.

then he says “I want you to see this.”

He had a short monologue here, to this thing, and I can’t remember entirely what he said. But the bottom line was “you have a lot of audacity. He is none of your concern. “

And then he stands up and like

obliterates the dude. Like there was just a really bright flash and then the dude was gone.

He sits back down, and has me sit on his lap, petting me.

and then??? he’s like “Do you ever consider priesthood?”

and I remember very distinctly saying “no” right before the dream ended or ??? idk maybe I just don’t remember the rest

I presume????? that was his way of saying fuck the haters but that was a really strange way to go about it

idek

[silantryoo]

midnight rain — huh yunjin x non-idol!reader

yunjin can't help but reminisce about what she left to achieve her dreams.

WARNINGS ; self-depreciation, cyber-bullying

TAGS ; the huh sisters are the best, y/n is the most supportive gf ever, yunjin sacrificed sm, someone check on y/n, idek if this is a happy ending or not, yunjin using y/n as a coping mechanism tbh

GENRE ; fluff, angst (4.2k)

huh yunjin had the whole world in the palm of her hands.

there were thousands of people out there, longing for the idol's attention. she could win anyone's heart over, just with a couple words and her goofy smile, but none of them could ever compare to you.

huh yunjin might rule the world, but you still and will always rule hers.

-

yunjin met you right after she had finished produce 48.

she had left korea feeling like a shell of her former self. yunjin had gotten the taste of a dream that she so badly longed for, and one she most likely would never be able to achieve again. she had missed her only chance, and there was no getting it back.

it didn't help that mainland korea had turned its back on the then-aspiring idol.

she had read through the produce forums almost daily since then. yunjin spent hours scrolling, letting every horrible thing said build inside her like a sickly virus.

glad huh yunjin didn't make it. she's a backstabbing bitch. (+193, -21)

did huh yunjin die? i hope so (+86, -7)

i hope huh yunjin never debuts!!!!!!!!! (+273, -11)

huh yunjin knew she was done for.

she went back to new york mid-september a year later, back to the high school that she dreaded going to, another reminder that she will never, ever be who she wanted.

"um," yunjin felt a tap on her shoulder. "you know the school library isn't open twenty-four hours, right?"

"huh?" yunjin wiped her eyes. she glanced at the clock behind the strange girl. 7:12. "shit, sorry. i didn't realize."

"it's fine. i'm closing this place up soon." yunjin watched as the girl's eyes locked onto hers. she could feel her heart in her throat. "you can stay, if you want."

"i want to, uh..." yunjin cleared her throat. "i'll stay."

"okay."

yunjin forgot about everything for a moment.

"okay."

yunjin was never a studious person.

the girl had decent grades, but she never actually put effort into studying, not like her sister or her friends around her. it came to her naturally, and yunjin had other priorities such as working on her musical skills (something that she had abandoned as soon as she stepped foot on american soil once more).

but a week later, yunjin found herself sitting in front of her younger sister, watching as she did her homework.

"unnie?" her sister, rachel, eyed the brunette weirdly. "why are you here?"

"why?" yunjin stared at the empty desk in front of her, looking around the library to find the others full of papers. "can't i study?"

"no. you can't." rachel tapped her pencil. "you're literally incapable of studying."

"wow, okay." the former trainee scoffed. "i've had a change of heart."

rachel shook her head.

"i get losing in produce sucks, but i don't think you could do a 180 that fast." yunjin winced, rachel opening up fresh wounds. the older huh knew that the girl was just trying to make light of the situation, but it still hurt like hell. "it's been like... three weeks."

yunjin knew it had been three weeks. three weeks, two days, and five hours since she landed back in america. she didn't need rachel to remind her, not when the entire world already had.

"can you shut up?" yunjin snapped, gripping the backpack she was holding on her lap.

the younger huh flinched, the silence of the library amplifying yunjin's aggression.

rachel looked at her sister, yunjin's eyes shut tight as she tried to calm herself down. the young girl had never been good with emotions, but she wanted nothing more than to tell her sister that it was okay to feel upset.

(even if rachel knew yunjin wouldn't listen.)

"oh hey, rach." yunjin's eyes opened, her head turning to the sound of a familiar voice, soothing the former trainee. "what are you doing?"

rachel hummed, setting her pencil down. "working on the assignment from our econ class."

you made your way between the huh sisters, looking at the diligent note-taking of the younger girl to your left.

"why?" you muttered. you were sure that the due date didn't change. "that's due next week."

"no?" you felt your heart drop. "it's due tomorrow."

"oh shit." your eyes widened, covering your mouth. you were screwed. "i need to find nadine."

rachel looked at you with a smile. it was hard to believe that you were only a month younger than yunjin. though yunjin never cared for schoolwork, she was always hardworking when necessary. you on the other hand...

"who was that?"

rachel looked at her sister, yunjin's eyes trained at your retreating figure. "y/n?"

yunjin couldn't help but smile. the name fit you perfectly. "yeah."

"she's my classmate from my AP econ class." rachel squinted. yunjin was a bit too interested in you for it to just be curious. "she's a junior this year... why?"

yunjin's eyes widened, the former trainee's face unable to hide her surprise.

"why are you taking AP?" she tried to change the subject. "aren't you 14?"

"i wanna get into NYU." rachel sighed, picking up the pencil as she bit back multiple remarks that would leave her sister cursing at her. "leave me alone."

yunjin felt a pang in her chest.

it had slipped her mind that she had to think about university now. where she was going to commit, scholarships and loans...

yunjin tried her best to not seem fazed. dreams were meant to be dreamt, not fufilled. the sooner she knew that, the better it was for her.

"you're such a nerd."

"you're literally a theater kid, unnie." rachel bit back, too immersed in her work to notice the mood drop. "you can't talk."

yunjin stared at her sister, hoping that she would never feel that way.

(but in the back of her mind, through all the guilt and anger, she couldn't help but linger at the thought of you).

yunjin was starting to like the library.

it was quiet, and peaceful (minus the many kids who were scrambling to study for a test in the corner of the library). it let her think about everything, letting her sit in her feelings. plus, the library had the ambiance of the produce practice rooms early in the morning, something that the former trainee greatly missed.

"are you here to read through your phone again?"

yunjin could feel the hairs on her neck stand up. "huh?"

yunjin, eyes trained on your figure, watched as you took a seat across from her.

"you and rach look a lot alike." you said, humming as you set your chin on your hand. "i should've known that you were her sister."

yunjin pushed back a smile.

(she'd never tell anyone, but part of her was worried that rachel no longer looked up to her.)

"she told you about me?"

"she brags about you all the time." you smiled at yunjin's grin. "something about being a kpop idol, i dunno. i'm not good with that stuff."

the former trainee pursed her lips.

"oh, well," yunjin chuckled awkwardly, the awkwardness in her chest starting to change into pain. "i don't think that's gonna happen."

you looked her up and down. "why not?"

yunjin could think of multiple reasons, ones that she had internalized so much that she had changed the way she carried herself, but she wasn't going to say that to a random stanger (much less a hot random stranger).

"it didn't work out." yunjin said.

"oh." you scratched your cheek, yunjin nodding shallowly. "well, it's too soon to tell, y'know? you could be like, the next bts or something."

"how can i be the next bts when i'm one person?" yunjin squinted. kpop was so much more than just bts. "plus, bts isn't the only kpop group out there."

"i know that." you scoffed, rolling your eyes at the girl. "you just seem like someone who likes bts."

yunjin could feel herself blushing.

"...yeah."

"see, i already know you." yunjin looked away, afraid that she'd implode if she looked at your smile. "i just need to know your name."

"my name?" yunjin's mind went blank, nearly spitting out a random name. "jennifer."

"jennifer." you smiled harder. "nice to meet you, jennifer. i'm y/n."

and for a moment, right when yunjin's name rolled off of your tongue, yunjin felt seen.

yunjin considered herself a lot of things. as of late, most of them had turned overwhelmingly negative, but regardless, she at least knew that she was in tune with her emotions. she, unlike her sister, was able to identify them, and 'fix' them to the best of her abilities.

however, being around you the past couple of weeks you have told her differently.

yunjin knew she liked you. she liked the way you smiled at her, your gums showing through your crooked smile. she liked the way your hands felt, the way your hand would accidentally bump into hers, making yunjin long for more.

you were everything yunjin had ever dreamt of in a person, but she was sure she was just going to mess it up again.

yunjin sighed, forcing herself to stop thinking about you, a common occurrence that had been recently happening lately.

"unnie." rachel tapped her should, causing the older girl to jump.

she turned to the younger girl and her friends, her locker mirror shaking as she slammed it closed. "what?"

rachel's friend, nadine (if yunjin remembered correctly), said, "you're close with y/n right?"

yunjin clenched her jaw, a burst of anxiety running up her spine. had you gotten hurt? was something wrong? yunjin couldn't help but overthink.

"why?" she hummed.

"you guys aren't dating?" rachel asked, yunjin's eyes widening as big as saucers.

"no," yunjin scoffed, a blush covering her face. if only she could. "what?"

rachel looked at the girl beside her as yunjin avoided the younger students' gazes. her older sister was anything but subtle.

"okay." rachel said slowly, watching as yunjin perked up, waiting to hear any information about you. "derek's planning to ask her out, so i just wanted to make sure you don't go all... you on him."

"okay, i don't go all 'me' on anyone." yunjin crossed her arms. perhaps there had been one incident a year ago that almost got her suspended, but that was only because someone had hit on rachel. yunjin took no fault. "wait... derek mcavoy?"

"yeah?"

yunjin felt her stomach sink.

she considered herself many things, passionate being one of them. sometimes, yunjin passion could get in the way of her rational thinking.

"hey, do you guys know who sent me these flowers?" yunjin could hear your voice behind her, getting closer to her. "i think they're trying to kill me."

yunjin clenched her fist.

"aren't you allergic to those?" rachel blinked at you, staring at daisies that were in your hand.

how you weren't dead? she had no clue.

"severely." you sighed, looking at the bouquet in front of you. "i had to take my inhaler."

rachel shook her head, looking at her sister who was staring into the distance, face stoic and eyes glazed over. the younger girl sighed. it was happening.

"jen," you called out to her, bringing her out of her head. yunjin turned to you. "do you think one of your fans reached me?"

yunjin's eyes met yours, hardened and swirling with an emotion that you could only identify as anger and regret. looking over to rachel, she shrugged as yunjin continued to stare into your soul.

yunjin didn't want to live in regret anymore, not when her daily life was already filled with it.

"go out with me."

yunjin had never heard silence in a crowded hallway until that very moment.

"what?"

("unnie?")

"go out with me, y/n." yunjin stated, pushing down the embarrassment threatening to take over her entire body.

("should we be here?")

"uh..." you took a breath, your gummy smile making yunjin overflow with happiness. "okay."

yunjin had never felt happiness like that in her life.

"okay."

yunjin would be lying if she said she was satisfied with how her life was right now.

she had everything that anyone could want at her age. her grades, although not to ivy league standard, could get her in a good college if she kept her current pace. she had no family problems, and yunjin had always gotten along with rachel.

most of all, she was in a great relationship, celebrating her first valentine's with the girl she had slowly fallen in love with over the past four months.

but it wasn't enough, because this life will never be enough for yunjin.

"oh my god," yunjin smiled, turning her phone off as you entered her room. "is that huh yunjin from produce 48 where iz*one was created?"

although not as strong, yunjin felt a dull ache in her chest.

"you're so annoying." yunjin rolled her eyes, sitting up to greet you with a kiss.

"hey, i got into kpop for you so we could bond as a couple." you teased, humming against her lips. the taller girl smiled. "how am i annoying?"

"i didn't say i hated it." she whispered, moving over to give you a seat. "i missed you."

truthfully, yunjin did miss you, especially the way you made her forget her failures, even if it was just for a moment.

"i saw you yesterday." you teased. you grabbed her hand, smiling at her. "but i missed you too."

you leaned in once more, capturing the girl's mouth against yours. you always felt an overwhelming sense of love whenever you kissed the taller girl, but yunjin always felt a sense of fear. the fear of becoming content with a life like this, a life without doing what she loved.

you pulled away. "me or bts?"

yunjin groaned, guilt simmering in her stomach. "you're the worst."

"i know." you giggled, kissing her cheek.

yunjin sighed, leaning back as she slammed her back onto her bed.

you followed her suit, the short haired girl wrapping her arm around you as you snuggled close into her body.

"tired?" you asked, stroking her hair out of her face.

"this week has been kicking my ass." yunjin knew she had done it to herself, tuning into the japanese tabloids that week to keep tabs on iz*one's debut. "but it is our very first valentines together. plus, i think you're my gift from cupid."

you scoffed playfully, trying to pull away from the ex-trainee. "am i just an object to you, jennifer?"

"hey, no!" yunjin whined, shoving her face into your neck. you giggled, feeling the strands of her hair against your neck. "and don't use my full government name."

"sorry, sorry." you smiled, watching as her eyes looked into yours. "what do you want me to call you instead?"

yunjin thought for a moment, her eyes darting to your mouth. "mine."

your smile dropped, and you pulled away from her, the korean whining at the loss of contact.

"ugh." you sat up, shaking your head. "jesus, jen... that was disgusting."

she gasped, sitting up beside you. "you dated me knowing that i'm like this."

"no." yunjin frowned, and you couldn't help but smile at her adorable face. "i dated you because you're hot."

"wow." yunjin's mouth hung open, trying hard not to smile as you attacked her cheek with kisses as an apology. "so you only love me for my face."

you pulled back, raising your eyebrow. "who said i loved you?"

yunjin stared at you, hearing her heart break slowly.

she knew it wasn't your fault, but yunjin couldn't help but find herself feeling the same way she had at the beginning of the school year.

"i'm sorry, i--"

"i do, though. love you, i mean." you cleared your throat, awkwardly scratching your cheek as you looked at the ground. "i'm just trying to figure out how you know when i literally never told anyone until now."

yunjin smiled at you, taking your features in as if to memorize you.

"i love you too."

yunjin watched as your eyes swarmed with adoration, and nothing had ever scared her so much than the feeling of fulfillment that spread through her chest.

"you do?" you whispered, looking into her eyes, finding nothing but sincerity in them.

but something was off, you could feel it in the air. the way the weight of the room had gotten heavier, almost as if the burden of your girlfriend filled the entire thing.

yunjin looked away, and that was enough to know that deep down, she never wanted to fall in love with you, not like this.

"yeah." yunjin muttered, smiling through her smile. "i do."

you smiled through your pain, wanting nothing more than to feel love instead of regret.

"the famous huh yunjin is in love with me?" you joked, watching as her face morphed into a more playful tone.

"shut up."

"okay." you nodded, wondering how long you had left with her. "only because i love you."

"i love you too."

yunjin had meant every word she said, even if it came with layers of regret.

yunjin had heard from koeun a month ago that source music had opened back up, this time under new management, a much more competent one.

when the former trainee heard the news, she refused to get her hopes up. she had come to terms with how her life was now. yunjin still felt the what-ifs from time to time, but she couldn't do anything about it, even if she so badly wanted to.

she hid it well from her family, the longing for the spotlight, to perform. they didn't ask her questions about why she would skip dinner, sitting in front of her computer as she waited for a stupid email to pop up.

(you knew, however. and it pained you to know that your girlfriend would never truly be happy with you.)

you pushed it down, waiting for the right time to bring it up to her. you just wished it didn't have to happen today.

"hey, jen. sorry i kept you waiting. your mom tried to force-feed me once i stepped through the door. she thinks you aren't feeding me enough." you laughed as you set your sweater to the side of her room, making your way over to kiss her forehead. "happy six months, baby."

yunjin wiped her face, looking at the monitor of her laptop. "happy six months."

yunjin didn't look at you, afraid that she'd lose everything as soon as her eyes locked onto your eyes.

"what's up?" you wiped her tears. she hung her head low, the light of the monitor illuminating her tear streaks. "you don't look as happy as i do."

yunjin was silent, waiting for you to look at the screen in front of her.

you turned your head, skimming over the english text found in the email. it was bound to happen, and you had tried your hardest to prepare yourself for it. you hoped it was enough to keep the facade up long enough.

"oh, jen." you rubbed yunjin's back, watching as her tears fell harder. "are you going back?"

yunjin shook her head, not wanting to think about it. "i don't know."

"do you want to?"

you already knew your answer a long time ago.

"i don't know." yunjin didn't mean to lie, but she loved you. "i don't want to leave you."

"it's fine." you whispered in her ear, swallowing your tears back. "i'll be fine."

yunjin wrapped her arms around you, her head buried in your neck as sobs wracked her body. she couldn't do it again. she couldn't lose everything she's worked for again.

yunjin couldn't lose you for nothing.

"what if it doesn't go well, and i just ended us for nothing?" yunjin asked in between sobs, gripping the back of your shirt.

"so you want to go?"

yunjin's face fell, pulling back from you as you smiled at her with teary eyes.

yunjin loved your smile.

"baby..."

"it's okay, i promise." you nodded, trying to push through the pain. "you'll be fine. i believe in you."

yunjin shook her head. she didn't deserve it. she didn't deserve your support, not if she's leaving you like this.

"i finally accepted it." yunjin blubbered, too emotional to realize what she said. "i can't go through this again."

you bit your upper lip, looking away briefly. hearing yunjin say it was different from knowing that you were just the second choice.

"i know." yunjin's face was wet with tears, a never-ending flow of remorse. "but you won't, because you'll debut this time."

yunjin shook her head. "how do you know that?"

"because you're jennifer huh. you're the girl who came back here, fighting to be okay again even though deep down you knew that it wasn't what you wanted." you kissed her nose, watching as her nose crinkled at the contact. you smiled. "you're the girl i'm in love with."

yunjin felt a weight lift off of her shoulders.

"i'm in love with you too." yunjin sniffed. "i don't want to leave you."

you looked into yunjin's eyes, and you saw nothing but passion, passion for you.

if there was one thing that you loved yunjin, it was her overwhelming sense of passion. but at times like these, you hated it.

you watched her for a moment.

"then i'll leave you."

"what?" yunjin's eyes widened, moving her hands onto your arm. "no."

"you want us to make it work?" you asked her, almost challenging her at the ridiculous thought.

you two were high school kids, two girls who fell in love because of a missed opportunity, an opportunity that yunjin was willing to jeopardize for you.

yunjin could feel her fears coming true.

"i..."

"baby, what are they gonna think once they find out about us if we even manage to make it through until your debut?" you told her, furrowing your eyebrows.

"i don't know."

yunjin looked at you through the thick silence, almost as if she was trying to memorize you one more time.

"it's a good thing we're both private people, huh?" you chuckled, the knot in your throat becoming bigger. "imagine all the people you'd have to pay off. i mean, you guys are rich but st--"

"can you not?" yunjin whispered. "please?"

"sorry." you cleared your throat, looking away as tears were starting to form in your eyes (not yet. please.). "do you want me to go?"

"no." yunjin said with sincerity. "i just want to spend one more day with you."

yunjin stared at you desperately pleading for you to agree. she just needed to hold you one more time, to listen to your voice. she just needed one more day to memorize you before she lost you.

"okay."

one day was enough for you, even if you'd love her for the rest of your life.

"okay."

you untangled yourself from her at three in the morning the next day, eyes bloodshot and arms tired from holding her as if she was going to disappear.

you wiped your eyes, and placed your forgotten sweater on her desk, tucking a piece of paper in the pocket.

you were going to break soon, and you didn't want yunjin to see the broken pieces she'd leave in new york.

looking at the girl once more, you gave her one more kiss on the forehead, hoping that she'd remember you with only happiness and love.

you left yunjin's room, clenching your mouth as you tried your best not to sob.

"y/n?"

"night, rach." you tried to walk away, the younger girl following you to the door.

rachel looked at you with a frown, watching as you struggled to put your shoes on. "are you okay?"

you looked up at her, your eyes red as you smiled. you haven't heard someone ask that in a while.

"no." you grinned, the tears streaming down your face betraying you.

"thank you for doing this for unnie." rachel said, watching as you stiffened up. she wished she could do something more, but this wasn't her expertise. "it's probably killing you."

"i'll be fine." you whispered, standing up to face the girl.

"come study with me later?" she asked, a small smile on her face.

you hated how much rachel looked like her sister.

"okay." you patted her shoulder, rachel opening the door as you fished for your keys. "thanks rachel. you would've made a good sister-in-law."

rachel winced. not at the comment, but at the way your face morphed into an emotion she had yet to feel.

"you too."

"yunjin-ah!"

yunjin groaned as chaewon yelled at her from across the dorm. no matter how hard she tried to rest, there was someone who always needed something from her.

"you know that hoodie i was gonna borrow?" yunjin grunted, earning a smack on the head from chaewon. the taller girl looked up, staring face to face with an old piece of paper. "this fell out of it."

"huh?" yunjin didn't remember leaving anything in her pockets.

chaewon hopped on the couch, sitting beside her roommate.

"it's a letter." yunjin knew your writing anywhere.

"oh?"

dear jen,

i'm rooting for you, jen. just like i always have and just like i always will be.

i love you, jen l/n y/n.

"who's y/n?"

"someone." yunjin whispered, memories suddenly flooding her brain. "you can't wear that hoodie though, that one's special."

chaewon whined. "why?"

"you can't." yunjin stated, chaewon watching closely as she hummed, the taller girl having a small smile on her face. "now, let's go get food."

"you're so weird."

i love you too, y/n.

silan says " pls pray for me... i cannot fail my final ;-; "

[kivaember]

looks you dead in the eye. yes. i wrote viv621 AC... groping... idek what this is. it's late and i should sleep but my brain was like WRITE THIS WRITE THIS so here you have AC petting. Enjoy(?).

When Raven had floated the idea to him initially, Rusty had thought it'd been nothing more than a strange joke.

It'd been on the tail end of a sortie, a quick and dirty job of crushing a Balam raiding party that had been harassing Arquebus supply lines a little too much. It'd been just MTs, but one had managed to get a lucky shot on STEEL HAZE, a wayward round lodging into the joint of the AC's left shoulder. It hadn't been enough to limit his range of movement, but it squatted in juuuust the right spot to constantly trigger his pressure sensors around there, a phantom sensation that twinged and jolted like minute electrical shocks down his arm - a pinched nerve.

It was a big drawback to being an augmented human, in Rusty's opinion. True, their high levels of synchronisation with their ACs meant they could move it as fluidly as their own body, respond as quickly as their synapses could fire without that deadly split-second processing pause that unaugmented pilots suffered from, but the big drawback was that this required their ACs to have delicate pressure sensors for their proprioception to fully translate.

Rusty had heard all the 'funny stories' of the early Gens accidentally having their ACs smack themselves in the face with their hands or tripping their own feet, complaints of feeling utterly numb and not knowing what their "body" (AC) was doing or where their limbs were. Pressure sensors were the answer, the AC's own nervous system, and through that their brains could translate sensations and signals in the only way it knew how: pain and pleasure.

That trapped bullet in STEEL HAZE's shoulder was definitely pinging pain, over and over, though. Enough to make him grit his teeth and his voice come out a little strained, and to have Raven inquire about his health.

"Ah, well, one of the Balams got a lucky hit in, is all," he said breezily, trying to brush the whole thing off. "I think a round is stuck in my left shoulder."

«Let me look,» Raven offered, and Rusty didn't know why he agreed to it but he did, standing perfectly still while Raven's AC, STALKER, carefully probed the joint of STEEL HAZE's left shoulder, sending pulses of sensations ghosting along Rusty's corresponding shoulder.

It was a mingle of pain and something indefinable. Despite the friendly and approachable personality he presented, Rusty was unused to being touched. The only time he had 'contact' was when someone managed to get a glancing blow on STEEL HAZE, an echo of pain thrumming through him - encouragement not to let that happen again. Every touch made him tense, half-expecting pain to follow, and this presented itself as minute twitches and flinches as STALKER prodded and teased its mechanical fingers into the soft, delicate writing inside his shoulder.

«Does it hurt?» Raven asked.

"Just sensitive," Rusty said, his voice strangely taut to his own ears.

Raven said nothing more, and only minutes after that he found the trapped round and extracted it, that nervy, stinging pain immediately vanishing. Rusty rolled his shoulder, thanked him for the help, and turned to go, oddly flustered and feeling the need for space when-

«It can feel good too.»

Rusty didn't know what to say in response to that. He stared at him, and Raven stared back, the round pinched between STALKER's fingers. It was slightly flattened at the tip.

«I can show you sometime,» Raven continued, and flicked the round away.

"Um, sure, sometime," Rusty stammered, thrown by the offer, and tossed in his goodbyes before quickly leaving the scene.

Afterwards, when lying in his cot and rubbing his shoulder, still feeling the odd twinge, he dismissed the whole thing as Raven's strange sense of humour rearing its head at an inappropriate time. He hadn't meant it like that, obviously. It had probably been a comment on how field repairs weren't normally that painful or uncomfortable.

So he put the whole thing out of mind.

-

Actually, that was a lie. The whole thing lived in his mind rent free for days afterwards.

The memory of that ghostly sensation of Raven's fingers inside his shoulder joint haunted him, something so viscerally intimate yet alien that his mind simply didn't know how to compartmentalise it. He ignored it instead, throwing himself onto sorties despite the monotony of it all. He'd almost convinced himself he'd forgotten entirely about it until his path once more crossed with Raven's.

Another job. They were going to reclaim an oil refinery from Balam which was guarded by nothing but MTs. The Redguns being so few in number and overstretched meant that whenever they overextended their lines, their men were sitting ducks for the far more numerous Vespers and their deep pockets to pay for Raven's services.

It'd been overkill using both Rusty and Raven, but Rusty suspected Snail just wanted him out of the base. He'd been getting particularly surly as of late.

There'd been no lucky shots from desperate MTs, but a stray shot had detonated an oil tanker. Chunks of shrapnel had been thrown across the battlefield, and while STEEL HAZE's armour had deflected most of it, one particularly large chunk had somehow managed to wedge itself in the hydraulics of STEEL HAZE's neck. He couldn't turn his head in either direction without experiencing an incredibly unpleasant, choking sensation lancing right down his throat. It made even talking a bit of a breathless affair.

Again, Raven asked if he was okay.

"Uh, yeah, just... think some shrapnel's stuck in my neck," Rusty muttered, knowing he was holding STEEL HAZE too stiffly. He was fighting the base, animal urge to scrabble at his neck, but STEEL HAZE's frame wasn't built to accomodate that. He was likely to accidentally cause damage than do any real help.

«Let me see.»

Rusty stayed still as STALKER crowded into his personal space, unable to look at anything but STALKER's asymmetrical head right in front of him. STEEL HAZE's pressure sensors detected STALKER's fingers very gently probing at his throat, a phantom touch that made Rusty instinctively swallow.

In the bottom right hand corner of his HUD, where his vitals were monitored visually, he saw his pulse spike.

«There is shrapnel lodged in there. It's jamming the left-front neck hydraulic.»

"Mn," Rusty responded, and felt a tremor wrack up his spine when he felt STALKER's fingers dig into his- STEEL HAZE's throat. It had his breaths stuttering in his lungs, nerves firing with a sensation that was too intense to call merely pain or pleasure.

The shrapnel felt like it was being scraped through his windpipe, STALKER's fingers gently weaving through his vocal chords to reach it. Rusty found himself blinking rapidly, his gaze fixed on the bottom right corner, seeing his pulse spike higher, higher, his body unsure on what to make of such a visceral touch.

STALKER's questing fingers finally pinched against the edge of the shrapnel, and began to tease it out. Some sort of- noise left Rusty, feeling like Raven was running the sharp edge of a knife gently along his nerves. It was a dizzying relief when he finally yanked the shrapnel free, Rusty gulping in a deep, shuddering breath.

«Sensitive?»

"Wh- wha- huh?" Rusty coughed, trying to recall his pulse from the stratosphere.

Raven didn't repeat himself. STALKER flicked away the piece of shrapnel, but didn't move out of his personal space.

«You have some more shrapnel in your waist. I'll extract that too.»

"Oh... okay," Rusty mumbled, only half-listening. Adrenaline still fizzled through him, almost making him jump out of his skin when he felt STALKER's hand brush along the side of STEEL HAZE's Core, a metallic scraping noise as it trailed along the lip of its armour.

Raven paused, as if waiting for a protest, before it slipped its hand underneath the Core, where STEEL HAZE's waist joined with the Core block underneath the lightweight armour. It was a place that was rarely, if ever touched - by enemy fire or a melee strikes. Rusty genuinely thought there was no sensation there, but-

He felt it, a sensation like a hand was sliding into his guts and partway up to cup his heart against a palm. He went rigid in his seat, and something in STEEL HAZE's posture must've betrayed him, because STALKER immediately withdrew its hand.

«Sensitive?»

It took Rusty a few tries to remember how to talk. "Y-Yeah. One... one word for... for that."

Raven was quiet, the crimson light of STALKER's ocular feeds regarding him. Slowly, STALKER reached out again, but it didn't slip its hand back underneath the vulnerable spot beneath STEEL HAZE's Core block. The tips of its fingers gently caressed the very edge of it, pressing against where soft wires nestled beneath the overhanging armour of the Nachtreiher Core.

Rusty's body didn't know how to translate that sensation. He felt like Raven's fingers were idly stroking along his diaphragm - almost ticklish, stealing the air out of his lungs, not painful, but not pleasure, but some other intense third thing that had his fingernails leaving grooves in the arms of his cockpit chair.

«Does it hurt?»

If he said yes, Raven would stop immediately, he knew this instinctively. If he said yes, Raven would back off, likely apologise, and then they'd never discuss this strange, heady moment ever again. It was on the tip of Rusty's tongue, to say yes, but it didn't leave him. He sat there, quivering with an indescribable emotion, feeling STALKER gently stroke exposed circuits and Raven touch the very core of him, and mumbled some sort of half-garbled: "Nno- no, it's- sensitive."

«Bad sensitive?»

Rusty made an ambigious noise.

«Bad sensitive?» Raven repeated.

"No," Rusty breathed out, and bit the inside of his cheek when Raven pushed his hand higher - deeper - into him, until that 'palm-cupping-his-heart' sensation returned. His pulse spiked again. He watched the numbers shoot up, dizzy, and heard/felt the slight scratch of STALKER's finger stroking along the underside of his Core block.

It was- indescribable. The intense third thing again. Rusty's brain didn't know how to handle the feeling of a hand so tenderly, gently, cradling his insides - shrapnel inside his waist his ass how was any of this his waist - his pulse shot higher, beepbeepbeepbeep, a light blinked in the corner, yet Raven didn't back off and Rusty didn't tell him to stop.

He was so conscious, so conscious, of Raven's hand inside of him, of STALKER's hand below him, the slight vibration of that finger scratching along the bottom of the Core block, reverbing through military grade metal and making the cockpit quiver, of feeling Raven's finger gently stroke along the underside of his pounding heart, making weird little lights sort of flicker in his vision and the pulse numbers on his HUD go all funny and weird. Oxygen levels were coming back low. That was odd.

And as Rusty felt himself teeter towards something horribly intense yet amazingly new, STALKER's hand dropped away and Raven's hand left his insides. STEEL HAZE swayed dangerously.

«Very sensitive,» Raven said, resting a hand against STEEL HAZE's shoulder to steady him. «We should probably start small.»

"Wha." Rusty mumbled deliriously.

STALKER patted his shoulder in what could arguably be called affection. «Take a moment.»

Rusty did take a moment. Actually he took several moments, but once his wits returned from whatever zonked out plane of existence they had flown to, he felt nothing but self-conscious embarrassment.

"Uh, really sorry about that..." he mumbled as they returned to the rendevouz point, leaving the smoking oil refinery behind them. "I'm not quite sure what happened there."

«It's okay. It's intense the first few times,» Raven reassured him. «We'll just build it up. We can start with holding hands and going from there.»

"Um." Holding hands was... "That's really... tame...?"

«We'll see.»

-

It turned out holding hands was a little more intense than he thought it'd be.

[deadbeat-dyke]

girl i want bottom surgery so bad! jfc. i feel like this is part of why a lot of online trans women "culture" feels off to me, because of a general assumption of everyone being non op (or a very generous interpretation would say "a general assumption of everyone being non-op and pre-op", but we know that people dont like to talk about trans women wanting bottom surgery at all).

it's genuinely weird and alienating. like posts that say shit like "a girl without a dick is like an angel without wings" like what are you on girl why do u hate your sisters so much? or those horny posts like "get your local trans girl a pumpkin today!" under the assumption that trans women love to top a pumpkin. or something. idek. it's really strange

but back on point. i had my orchi in 2018. i was going to like. doctors and shit back in 2019 and early 2020 but cancelled all my stuff cause of the start of the pandemic. i woulda been done by now if that shit hadnt happened. i want bottom surgery so fucking much the dysphoria is hitting again a lot lately. damn.

also TMI but i used to not ask ppl to refer to my situation as a clit but lately that's been how it's going and it's way fuckin nice i used to think it was cheesy back when i was a baby trans; but it ain't! that's just correct terminology

[wraith-caller]

For the ask game : Rogier : 7, 17, 20 , 25

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like? i like when people dig into him beyond his views on the dead. i love getting to encounter a story/take about *rogier* and not just his fallout with darian, esp if it delves into his background. as much as i love them together, i also like them as individuals, so i enjoy getting to see people's thoughts on them beyond each other and beyond their storylines in the game. that being said, i will not deny that i'm also happy "rogier being impaled by deathblight" is a genre of art in the ER fandom.

17. What's a ship for this character you don't hate but it's not your favorite that you're fine with?

i'm ostensibly 'fine' with any ship i guess. i don't read rogier/tarnished or rogier/devin though. the former i struggle with seeing them able to breach his walls in the amount of time the game takes place, esp on the heels of not one but two refreshers on why he has interpersonal issues (his split with darian and the rebound with fia). the latter just. idek something in my brain breaks and i can't read it, not in a 'loving' way. if devin is vicious and cruel to him i can handle it, but i can't get past my own idea of devin resenting him haha (as always please note this is NOT a stab at people who write/like these ships!! you do you, i am just a blowhard, on a blog).

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter? i personally like the idea of him palling around with eleonora. maybe because the arc of her relationship to yura is a parallel to rogier's with d, so my brain shoved them together. i also like seeing him with alberich not bc they're on the balcony haha but because i think rogier would feel a kind of pity for alberich. we have evidence he's compassionate towards those who have been rejected by everyone else, so i think he'd be receptive to alberich's strangeness and may even have that detached scholar's interest in all of that heretical blood sorcery. while i don't picture him getting especially close to either, i think he likes different things about each of them.

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

the same first impression as everyone, i bet: thank god they gave me that guy lol so positive associations from the start. by the time i started doing his actual quest i was already starting to ship d/rogier due to fanart i found lol now i'm obsessed of course. i think in spite of how small a role he plays in the game and how little the game explicitly says of him(one. single. line in his armor lol), there is such a surprising wealth of information to be dissected from how he speaks, his relationships with other characters, his beliefs. granted, we can always go too far in looking for signs so i try to be aware but i'm just so eager to learn more about him!!

[hollowflight-propaganda]

Honestly I really wish we had more time with Cattail and how she interacts with Clay, since as we saw in the guide, she legit is a bad mother even by Mudwing standards(since those standards are basically just “don’t have these things die or get separated” for the first few years of a hatchlings life)

I think it could be cool if we saw her and Clay truly connect in some way after some adventure(I’ve actually been trying to brainstorm a DoD story in the mud kingdom partly for something like this) not necessarily as a mother and son, but in some strange other way

maybe that doesn’t make sense, I admittedly got the idea after listening to “Father and Son” by Yusuf/Cat Stevens(idek how lol)

I SWEAR THAT YOU ARE READING MY MIND, I was literally just thinking about a Clay and Cattail fic I came up with the other day. Don't know if I'll ever do it, but I'd like to! (also I'd love to see your idea about the DoD being in the mud kingdom, they spent only like maybe 3 chapters there in tdp and it disappoints me greatly)

I also think that Clay and Cattail's relationship could morph into a more friendly one. They wouldn't ever really become mother and son because that obviously isn't what Cattail wants, but I imagine she wouldn't be able to hate who is literally the nicest guy on the planet forever.

Anyway, I think she's so so interesting. People tend to think very black and white when it comes to her, it's either "shitty mom," or "she did nothing wrong," but I think her character deserves a lot more nuance than either of these.

Because yeah, she sucks as a mother and really shouldn't have sold Clay and broken up her clutch. And then when Clay comes back looking for answers she's rude and acts like he's wasting her time when she's the one who sold him to a secret society in the first place.

At the same time though, I can see why she's so bitter and seems to not care about anybody other than her siblings. She's lived through years of war, quite possibly for her whole life. She lives in a place that's described to be impoverished and war torn. Her sister abandoned her and has been dead for years without her knowledge. There's an interesting character there, and I really wish we knew more about her.

[our-transgender-experiences]

Is it strange to feel loved but not supported in my transition? I’m luckier than most trans kids my age, especially bc I’m from the South, that my parents and extended family is so…tolerant. I can’t say accepting anymore bc I don’t think it Is acceptance. They use my name and they’ve been working on getting my pronouns right, and I’m allowed to buy clothes however I want, but every time I mention a tangible, active part of my transition, they get uncomfortable or try to convince me that it could just be a private manner. I mentioned changing my name and they got a little sad and surprised. I Am getting too surgery asap and my mom talks abt how they might “grow back if I gain weight” or how it might not fix “the underlying issue” (idek what that Means). And I’m so grateful to have a home where these are at least conversations. But it just. feels like they only let me be trans when they don’t have to see or do anything about it.

i see what you mean, by not supported but still loved. so yeah, i guess you can be.

[adidegmez]

spn s14 spoilers

s14 ep1(stranger in a strange land)

i want to watch spn but at the same time i dont. last 2 seasons. i dont want to say goodbye. but i need to kearn how their stories end. i must say dean looks amazing. they'll find dean, sam and cas theyre trying so hard.

s14 ep2(gods and monsters)

poor nick, lucifer used him. i love bobby. when he came back i didnt think we would see him this much. its nice to see him he is like our bobby but he is not him. i wish he could come back. cas' speech was beautiful, he changed so much. i love him. jack is right and i dont like that. dean would agree with jack. but dean cant die theyll find another way. and theyll save dean. why didnt cas go with nick? dean isnt dean its Michael right? that was the plan. i hope he is dean but i dont think so.

s14 ep3(the scar)

dean is back. the beard, really dean. I thought Kaia's story would be left unfinished. im glad theyre telling it. Jack is still young and has been through so much already. jack saved the girl. and now he is sick. i love dad cas, when he is talking to jack he is awesome. dean said yes and saved his brother and son. yes michaelhurt people but dean did what he had to do.

s14 ep4(mint condition)

dean wanted a friend like stuart. when he was mad at his dad he could just go and hang out with his friend. he now has cas but it wouldve been nice for him when he was young. i love fanboy dean. his love for movies is beautiful. i hope they can have a nice halloween next year. i would like to see the cosplay.

s14 ep5(nightmare logic)

jack and cas finally went to hunt. i wish we could see that. i love bobby but he needs to be more chill. he is bobby but not our bobby. our bobby's relationship with the boys was different, it was beautiful. i missed him. i didnt think bobby would live this long. i thought they would kill him. im glad he is alive. i am not sure about bobby and mary tho.

s14 ep6(optimism)

i missed Charlie. They had planned everything but the "old man" destroyed Dean. He never expected this. he is offended. jackrealy played his role. i like both of them. they are amazing. i like how both of them thinks Michael is their fault and not the other ones. i love how jack is trying to convince dean to forgive himself. i liked how sam convinced Charlie to stay. i missed our Charlie and bobby. jack is truly a winchester. he is not okay.

s14 ep7(unhuman nature)

hi cas! nick learned some stuff from luci, like torturing:(. dean let jack drove the baby:'). and what is wrong with dean? jack is their son dean'S cas' and sam's. and they love him so much. i mostl forget jack is just a baby. at least rowena helped, it was nice of her. nick is a psychopath. he lost his mind. if he doesnt want to feel those feelings he shouldve asked for help from the boys or he couldve killed himself but he chose lucifer. when lucifer comes back there will be chaos. hell cause so much pain but nick doesnt even care. i thnik luci will save jack probably not willingly but i think jack will live because of him. maybe hell get his grace back.

s14 ep8(byzantium)

no no no no. this cant be happenning jack cant die. dean and cas werent with him. even if they were he cant die. theyll bring him back. im glad kelly got the chance to see her boy. the winchesters and cas, they raised jack well. he is amazing. empty is ruthless. im glad it didnt take cas now but it will take him when he is finally happy. i hope it cant but this story will end, cas' story will end. and i guess thats how it will end. this is bad but for now both cas and jack are safe. im happy for lily she saved jack and she got her reward in the end. the winchesters are back together again. i wish Chuck would come. he couldve beaten Michael easily. and the boys wouldnt have to fight with him. but Chuck is with his sister idek what theyre doing but it wouldnt take long to kill Michael. boys are great dads. they have their son back, they really love their son. i love seeing team free will 2.0. they are all amazing.

s14 ep9(the spear)

no garth wouldnt do that. i think he is working with the winchesters. i love garth. i think i love ketch too. he did some(a lot maybe) bad things but he is trying to do the right thing. i dont like the fact that dean lied to kaia. yes they need the spear, hopefully theyll keep their end of the deal and return her to her home. why did Michael let sam live? what did he do to him? no! Michael took dean, again. dean isnt gone hell beat Michael. dean will win.

s14 ep10(nihilism)

hi pamela. dean's dream, its beautiful. but where is jack in that dream? i cant ake Michael serious. he has dean's face. btw ill always choose dean againts anyone and anything. because hell always win he is always on the right side. jack shouldnt believe what Michael says. im the cage?! dean is so powerfull. hell keep him there for a while. at least billie helped them. 1>14,000,605. dean will save the World, again.

s14 ep11(damaged goods)

Dean says goodbye to everyone. thats not good, hes going to do something. well, what deans doing is not the perfect solution but it can provide more time for others to find a good way to get out of this situation. dean didnt say goodbye to cas and jack?

s14 ep12(prophet and loss)

i thought nicks story ended. dean you did everything you could do for sammy and you are still apologizing. sam, did it. he conviced dean.

s14 ep13(lebanon)

No one can steal the baby. i hate that girl. omg! he wanted his dad. john is back. winchesters are back together. cant they be happy just for once. constantine:) . im glad they all got to spend time together but i hoped john could stay and they could be happy. but this is supernatural and they dont get happy endings most of the time.

s14 ep14(ouroboros)

jack is using his soul more:(. i love rowena more now. rowena cares about them. she cares about jack. i dont want jack to be soulless. yes jack is a winchester and i think cas is a winchester too. if Michael is really dead and jack got his power back then whats gonna happen rest of the season?

s14 ep15(peace of mind)

jack doesnt have a soul, great! well, at least he is trying to do good things.

s14 ep16(don't go in the woods)

i dont like those kids. i hope we'll never see them again.

s14 ep17(game night)

nick became lucifer. i couldnt tell the differance. he was a monster. jack didnt do wrong, if he didnt kill nick he would try to do the same thing again. yes something is wrong with jack but he will get better. Mary pushed Jack too hard, maybe if she left him alone for a few minutes he would be able to pull himself together.

s14 ep18(absence)

No, Jack couldn't have killed Mary. dean and sam theyll be devastated. dean dont be mad at cas. he was just trying to do what he thought was right. The flashback scenes are killing me. I get sadder with each scene. There is 1 season left, I have been watching their stories for 3 months. I don't know how to say goodbye to them. rowena changed so much, i like the winchester affect. she cares about jack and the others. i didnt think mary would die. but she did.

s14 ep19(jack in the box)

hi bobby! i hate dumah now, i didnt like her before and now she is worse. Jack is very open to manipulation. cas did a good thing. dumah doesnt deserve that kinda power. They should have known that box couldn't hold Jack. Dean can be so cruel sometimes, he lied to Jack so easily. and sam he wasnt okay with it he struggelled while lying to jack. i hope they can figure this out. and thing could be way it was. lucifer always makes everything worse.

s14 ep20(moriah)

Chuck!! if jack was sam den would do anyhing to save sam. jack could be saved. jack will return only he can beat Chuck. and he will beat Chuck, he has to. Chuck is a monster. jack is just trying to be good. im glad dean didnt kill jack. he saw jack was struggling and he was trying to do te right thing so he didnt kill him. 1 last season

[coffeesleep-ooc]

Kachina’s name is funny

Its 2 am and i cant stop thinking about this and i need to get it out bc every single time i look at her name i think of this and can’t even enjoy the storyline aaaaaa lmao

So! We’ve seen that genshin has a history of making up the most bizarre names ever, like idek what happened after inazuma or if sumeru’s names are this funny (idk much about the region it’s inspired in so forgive me for being uneducated), BUT, i do know this: there’s a poor npc in fontaine literally called Book, just Book, wtf genshin, there’s a lot of npcs and pplcalled weird things, and with Natlan that’s wven more obvious that while genshin team does great stuff for plotlines and inspiration for each region, they just say WHATEVER WHEEEEE for names. Bc, who calls themselves/their children Boba? Like wtf?! I’m not even mad about it just why??

I play the game in spanish btw, and Boba is like calling yourself silly or stupid, a friend told me that the English equivalent was also something along those lines so we know this is on purpose? Again wtf lmao

Then there’s the npc called Umi, isn’t that ocean in japanese? And said npc is from the ocean tribe dont get me wrong, if we want to make an accurate “inspiration” from America (America is a continent, ill throttle the person that says its a country thanks) it makes sense to have lots of names that come from different places bc we do have a mix of cultures that resulted in today’s life, but it doesn’t make any sense in Natlan’s whole description, bc these ppl are described as ppl that don’t go out of their country at all? They do receive visitors and i imagine one or two would probably want to stay but it’s still strange, noted, Umi is not the only strange name i’ve seen but i dont keep a notebook with all of genshin’s lore/plot/naming/etc holes bc i would have to make it a full time job. So far a couple things make no sense to me, BUT ALSO! Natlan is culturally rich and filled with stuff i approve, i mean, i like it so far, the legends, myths and way of interaction between characters is rivh and meaningful, i especially loved a quest about a shadow needles bc it felt like revisiting old myths from my memory!

the main quest relating to Kachina is also very interesting and despite it being complete fiction, the way the underworld is constructed is also reminiscent of myths and legends - ik its not called underworld, sorry, its 2am i forgot the name - that place felt to me like one of the scary tales ppl traditionally tell each other but with a very Teyvat element mixed in, and that’s good in my book

there’s also the apparent mix of maya, inca and aztecas in culture and storytelling? And its also true that America has more stories about wars and warriors known to ourselves and the rest of the world? I’d probably have much more to say about this if i had slept, but there are no towns named Fighting soul in my country for no reason, which i find funny and sad af bc wars are shitty excuses to steal and do awful awful things, but whatever. There’s also the way they captured the behavior of ppl in the coasts, kudos to them for that, obviously things irl are not always that good or pretty and some parts of America do have a lot of poverty bc corruption is also shit, but it is true that ppl (i’ve met) in the coast is much mote laidback than in the city, more prone to random music and parties and dancing, big big parties too, the surf part i have never seen in my country so no comments there

some stuff (like the food) is a bit so so for me (im still wondering where shrimp tacos were invented wtf, there’s also too much corn which i find hilarious), and im not even gonna talk about the saurian stuff bc his post is already long enough without talking about Kachina

anyways! in general i really liked it.

now, why is Kachina a weird name for me?

Bc my mother tongue is Spanish

the thing is, idk how many countries with spanish as their main language would have this two problems (or three…maybe)

nunber 3 and less important is the K, it’s overused in Natlan and i find it funny bc many ppl here use the c instead, the k it’s actually more rare in names unless your name is Katheryn or unusual (i once heard the name Ikza and I believe its cool, just not common)…just a thought but: Quinich sounds too much like Quiche so that’s why ill allow Kinich but the qu is way more vommon

number 2 the Ka is just fine, but the China. I just…China is a countey and I can’t help but think of it! Especially bc in spanish it aounds the exact same

number 1 and my biggest concern wity her name, and this is way more personal but I JUST CANT UNSEE IT! In my country we sometimes refer to young ppl as chino or china which is also the way to call ppl from China (probably not coincide but I haven’t researched why this happened to the slang in the first place) so maybe when someone is not listening to you or when they are being tricky or hot headed its bot rare flr someone else to say “¡Este chino/a!” Like saying “this little troublemaker!” Or smth like “¡esta china no hace caso!” Which means “this girl won’t listen/obey!” You could even say “la china de allá” which would mean you are pointing to a girl that is most definitely not chinese but it’s in your field of vision

its not used to denigrate anyonebut it is commonly used as slang by both adults and kids, sometimes even elderly will use it but in more informal situations…

this is why, it feels so damn weird to keep reading and hearing Kachina, sometimes i think im reading ‘pa aca china” kinda “come here kid” and other times im reading the equivalent of ka-girl

I obviously don’t blame the developers or genshin team for not knowing this (i do blame them for Poisson-Fish, Livre-Book, Boba-Silly, etc etc) but i just cant unsee it, even in serious situations its so weirdly funny and awkward

im re-baptizing her Kachi in my mind

someone save me from this misery 😂😂😂😂

[wcphasesofthemoon]

The moonpaw discourse is about people being ableist to victims of incestuous abuse, not about how it’s okay to ship cousins. At least with moonpaw the Erin’s do this by mistake bc they don’t seem to keep track of who’s related to whom. It’s really strange to do that mistake on purpose.

I understand what it's about. I'm just referring to how Moonpaw's chimerism was suddenly not okay once her parents were cousins, hence the ableism to victims of incestuous abuse you are discussing. That ableism is the main issue and I do not mean to take the discussion away from that, and I apologize if I came off that way. I do not think that Moonpaw's parents should have been so closely related. I think that ThunderClan's increasingly entangled family tree is a mistake in general.

As I said in the tags, Moon will mate with a cat who I believe is his third half-cousin, because both are Firekin, as most of the main cast of Warriors now is. They are also unaware of their relation, and did not meet until adulthood. They weren't even born and raised in the same Clan. (EDIT: Idek if I'd call them both Firekin. They're actually more Jakekin, as Jake is the only common ancestor they have.)

Plus, as I also said, they're cats. Neither real-life cats nor Warriors cats seem to care about mating with cousins. While I am willing to believe that Moonpaw's parents was a mistake, what about couples like Ivypool and Fernsong? I find it hard to believe that the Erins forgot both were Firekin.

[unusual]

idek how much i’ve talked about this entire situation on here but i need to get this off my chest and maybe even get some advice…? ty if you end up reading this i really genuinely appreciate it

tldr im estranged from my adoptive mother because she doesnt respect me at all/never considers me part of the family and is extremely on and off with her affections depending on how successful or impressive i am to her (in the sense that when it comes to things like getting good grades or going into remission or getting into college shes “happy” for me because she thinks my success is a reflection of her own ability to parent me and “turn me into a winner” while completely turning on me when im doing poorly or need help and calling me a manipulative demon etc lol)

shes financially abusing me and my dad right now and has been for about 3 years because she hasnt worked a day in her life and my dad for a few years was having success at his job so when she divorced him she took all of our money from us and said she needed more for reasons that were not real (like she asked for 50k to pay for my college and then refused to actually do it so we had to take out a loan etc) its to the point where she makes more money than my dad does working basically 24/7 on call just because we have to pay her so much every month, it was really painful and stressful trying to put me into school because we actually don’t have a place to live rn and cant afford to get one because of her strange actions

about five months ago my dad literally begged her to let me stay with her for all of july because he wanted to make sure i had a place to sleep and he was traveling on business for all of that month, and after a lot of convincing (literally until like the day before i was supposed to go) she said yes and then started ignoring me and refusing to feed me after like four days because i asked her for help with the financial aid stuff.. so we had to reorganize all our plans and stuff like are you noticing a pattern where everything she does is entirely self serving and always ends up inconveniencing us majorly to the point where our livelihoods are at stake. anyway she did that like just over a month ago (july 5 was when my dad was like this is isnane im just going to pick you up and we’ll figure something out) and locked herself in her room like a baby and texted my dad all these things about how i was evil (verbatim) and a mistake and deserved to die from cancer and shit like that BECAUSE I ASKED HER FOR HELP WITH STUFF AHE SAID SHE’D HELP WITH… and now (like as of a few days ago) shes doing this thing where shes texting me cat memes and sending my little brother (who lives with her and who i really care about) to tell me to call her because she wants to hear from me etc and i genuinely am kind of at a point where i don’t ever want to talk to her again under any circumstances because of everythign she’s done to hurt me and my dad (including like 98% that i didn’t even mention here) but i feel semi obligated to because im lonely and shes kind of really good at making me feel guilty… my dad said dont even worry about it because im supposed to be locking in this semester and focusing on my own success and he thinks shes going to drag me down like she always does but idk what to do in this situation