#it's so silly but my coworker gifted me a book he loves he does this every now and then and just to be thought of in that way.

[nsewell]

MOVED TO TEARS BY RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS THIS APRIL MORNING

[14dayswithyou]

Teo NSFW Alphabet

🔞 18+ CONTENT! MINORS: DO NOT INTERACT! 🔞 Hello Teo Alvarado Nation, I come bearing gifts

A = Aftercare (what they're like after sex)

For one night stands; Teo will casually point out where the bathroom is and let them use any of his personal products —before ignoring them in favour of his phone or organising an Uber/chauffeur to pick them up. But for regular hookups; he'll have a towel, a bottle of water, and some snacks ready on standby. They are welcome to stay the night, but they better be gone before Teo wakes up in the morning.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner's)

Necks :) He likes how nicely his fingers look wrapped around his partner’s throat — as well as the expensive jewellery he buys specifically for them to wear. I know everyone probably expects me to say that Teo likes his own face the most, but he honestly might prefer his own biceps instead. He's worked hard to maintain this kind of build, so it's only natural for him to want to show off the results.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

The only time you'll ever get to see his cum is if you give him head; otherwise, he'll use a condom (or send you home if there are none available). But!! His seed is somewhat thick and has a bitter taste. It's not unpleasant, though!

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He's probably had a sexual escapade or two with a few of the other library employees by now ^^; He won't go anywhere near your immediate coworkers, though — he's not that much of an asshole.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)

Sexually? There's almost nothing this man hasn't done already. He's extremely skilled, knows what he wants, and isn't afraid to ask for it if his partner(s) are willing. Romantically, however? That's an entirely new realm to him. Theo has probably never held anyone's hand before or kissed them with affectionate intentions. He knows how to fuck, but he doesn't know how to make love.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Doggystyle, in front of a mirror. He likes being able to pull his partner's hair, slap their ass, or place a hand on their neck/shoulder blade to bend them to his liking. Seeing his partner's face might be a bit too intimate for him, so any position that lets Teo fuck undisturbed is good in his books.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

While he's far more serious, he'll entertain any goofy partners. If they crack jokes or do something silly, he'll roll his eyes and go along with it — for the most part. Once it starts getting old, he'll simply ignore it.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Most of his body is hairless for his own personal preference, though he does grow out his happy trail on occasion... Especially if he knows his regular partners are into it. It's a dark patch of black to match the hair on his head.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Literally non-existent. When he sleeps with someone, it's because he's either looking for a bit of fun or to let off some steam. Both parties are aware of this, though, and Teo would never have sex with someone who sees him in a romantic light or wants something more than a casual hookup. I can't believe this is happening, but if it's blog!Teo (aka Rosie and Jesse delulu AU /pos), then he would be waaay more intimate with his partner! He's more likely to make eye contact and even lean in for a kiss if you beg him enough.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Although he'd definitely jack off if necessary, Teo is typically around people who are willing to help him blow off some steam — so there isn't really much point. Teo does find the idea of mutual masturbation hot, though!

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

My dyslexic ass doesn't know how to spell it correctly, but he's got a crying kink!!! Seeing his partner so overwhelmed with pleasure just does something to him, and it goes hand in hand with his degradation and knife kink. However, I want to make it explicitly clear that Teo doesn't get off to seeing his partner in pain!! He also wouldn't do something they're not comfortable with. Everything gets discussed before the relationship situationship can delve into anything more long-lasting.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He loves to do it inside his McLaren (or Tesla, in Blog! Teo's case). His windows are heavily tinted so you don't have to worry about any outside interference, though Teo isn't above threatening to wind down the window inch by inch in order to tease you. Other than that, Teo is down to fuck almost anywhere that's hygienic and sanitary. But keep in mind that he also gets a kick out of public indecency, and bribing the law isn't above him either (if you guys somehow got caught).

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Sending him risque texts, telling him you're bored and alone, unabashedly sitting in his lap while he's with his friends, literally taking his hands and shoving them down your pants, etc. He likes people who are confident and forward with him without feeling ashamed or embarrassed by it. ...Just don't make it seem like you're trying to claim ownership over him, though. Don't cling to his side to make his friends jealous. Don't send him spicy texts because you saw him flirting with another man. And don't act brazen just to flaunt your relationship in front of that cute souvenir shop cashier.

N = No (something they wouldn't do, turn offs)

To be honest, there isn't much that Teo is not open to. He's down for almost anything so long as it's legal and not too immoral/outlandish. He's fine with somnophilia if it's discussed prior, but things like dubcon might be a bit too icky for his tastes. Keep in mind that he's also really selfish, and would probably want to stick to his own kinks since they are more familiar to him.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He was born to be a pillow princess, but wouldn't mind going down on his regular hookups either.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

It's always hard and rough with him, though he likes to switch up the tempo in order to tease you/his partners. Just when you think you're about to come, he'll slow down and ultimately stop moving. And once you've sufficiently begged him enough — maybe turn on the waterworks to really get him going — then he'll give it to you fast and hard until your toes are curling and your eyes are rolling back.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He's Corland Bay's king of quickies lmao. Teo is the type to pull you (and your clothes) aside and take you where you stand before going about his day as if nothing happened.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He's always down to take risks and experiment! Teo is open to trying out almost anything — and unlike Ren, he's more in favour of having others see you both get fucked. Teo knows he's good and wants to show the both of you off.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

While 3-4 rounds might not sound like much, Teo tends to draw them out for as long as possible. It's almost like he's trying to edge you with how often he'll stop before you can reach your peak... But the orgasms always feel that much better for the both of you when you're especially horny and desperate for release. I think the better answer would be that Teo can last at least six hours in the bedroom.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He doesn't use anything on himself, though Teo does have a small box of toys for his partners who prefer it. I wouldn't count his knife collection as toys, nor the literal police handcuffs stashed away in his drawer. (Which, ironically, were used to detain him after he vandalised a small business..... Why did they let him keep the cuffs.... How did he get away with it.........)

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Teo isn't one to be a physical tease (he doesn't have the patience for it), though he is a massive verbal tease in the bedroom. More often than not, his words are mixed with a degrading edge to it. "My thigh ain't enough for you? Then why don't you try begging me for more, then. C'mon, I know you can do it." / "You want more? Move your hips then." / "Hands on the mirror, doll. I never gave you permission to touch yourself." / "Look at you, crying while bouncing on a cock like that. Can't handle it splitting you open like that, huh?" / "Fuck. Can't help but act like such a cock-hungry slut, can you? I'm not even all the way in yet."

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He mainly uses low grunts and growls, though he does use a lot of dirty talk to fill the silence. Teo gets more vocal the closer he is to coming.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Blog!Teo only ever kisses Angel :) It's already kinda hinted at in all da NSFW fics with him involved, but I'll take advantage of this situation and make it more official hehe

X = X-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes)

I ERASED HIS PENIS FROM MY MEMORY, But I wanna say it's around 7 inches and extremely girthy. There's a prominent vein or two running along the underside with a slight curve to the left when erect. Even when soft, it looks like he's packing heat down there.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Teo has a high sex drive, but he can easily manage it. Surprisingly, he probably only has sex like... maybe four or five times a week? He's too busy being a public menace and setting things on fire. Now that I think about it, I do quickly want to reiterate that while, yes, Teo is a playboy; that isn't his defining personality trait. Since the very beginning, he's always been a lover of chaos and messing with people (/nsx) — not sleeping around. Flirting =/= sex, and Teo has always been so much more than just a hedonistic fuckboy. So please don't take this post as confirmation of him only being interested in sex (or sleeping with Angel)!!

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Teo will most likely stay up a bit longer just to scroll through social media on his phone, though he is willing to initiate pillow talk if it's with one of his FWBs/regular hookups. If it's a one night stand, he'll only fall asleep once they're gone.

[randomobsessionsofa30something]

Want to binge watch a kdrama? Try these 13 kdrama rom-coms from 2015-2019.

When I watch a drama for the second time I don��t really pick complex dramas I instead prefer watching the ones that I know I’m gonna have a fun time watching. I picked 13 of my favorite rom-coms of the last five years that I just can't get enough of. I think you'll enjoy watching these dramas again and if you haven't watched them then now is the time!

1. Oh Hae Young again. This drama is as funny as it is intense. Eric (Shinwa) plays the CEO of a sound effects company. He hasn’t get over his past relationship with his last girlfriend Oh Hae Young. Then he meets another Oh Hae Young who is known for throwing herself to love with all she’s got and was just dumped by his fianceé. He starts having visions about her.

2.  I remember you (Hello Monster). This 2015 drama is the one I’m currently rewatching and the one I’ve watched the most. The romance is not the main focus but it has some sweet moments. The story is about two kids that were hurt by the actions of a serial killer and now grown up they’ll try to catch him while solving murders at the same time. The cast is so good. This is one of the few dramas I would have loved if they’d done a second season.

3. Strongwoman Do Bong Soon. There’s dramas that I finish and just start watching again. That’s what happened to me with this one. It’s just such good fun. The story is about a girl who has enhireted the gift of being really strong. When a CEO of a game developing company finds out he hires her as a bodyguard.

4. She was pretty. Park Seo Joon and Hwang Jung Eum made a lot of good dramas the last few years some I added to this list. However this witty and sometimes ridiculous comedy was the one that I enjoyed the most. Super Junior’s Siwon made a stand out performance as a second lead. The drama tells the story of Hye Jin that reconnects with her childhood love but is embarassed by the way she looks. Her pretty best friend pretends to be her and meets him for just one time. When Hye Jin gets a new job she finds out her childhood friend is her new boss.

5. Oh my ghostess. This was  Park Bo Young’s breakthrough performance along with Kim Seul Gi and Jo Jung Suk they made a hilarious bunch. The story is about a shy cook that is possesed by a ghost. She ends up making a pact with the ghost to help her get close to her boss a famous chef.

6.  Hyde, Jekyll, me. This drama is based on a webetoon and actually it wasn’t as popular as I thought it would be but I really enjoyed it. Hyunbin plays a CEO with a complex past that suffers of disociative identity disorder. When his heart rate passes 150 he becomes Robin. Park Jimin is a circus master that becomes close to both of his personalities.

7. The girl who sees smells. JYJ’s Park Yochun and Shin Se Kyung star in this fantasy comedy about a girl who sees smells and uses her powers to help a detective solve murders,

8.  Weightlifting fairy Kim Bok Yoo. Honestly I was frustrated with Kim Book joo (played by Lee Sung Kyung) for about half of the drama but there’s too many hilarious scenes that make this drama just great fun. The story is about a female weightlifting athlete that has a weight complex that makes her question whether she should keep competing at all. Nam Joo Hyuk plays a swimmer with a trauma that keeps him out of the competitions and is Kim Bok Yoo’s former classmate.

9. What is wrong with secretary Kim? This has to be one of the best adaptations of a webtoon. The hilarious relationship between Kim Miso and Lee Yeon Joon are off the charts funny. Past wounds, an awkward personality and overconfidence will get in the way of Yeon Joon’s (Park Seo Joon) goal of stopping his secretary from resigning by giving her what she wants: a boyfriend.

10. Beauty Inside. Seo Hyun Jin is so good at doing comedy. Just like in Oh Hae Young again her character in this drama is all over the place and seems to attract trouble. She plays an actress that turns into a different person a few days once a month. She meets the CEO of a major corporation that just like her has something to hide: he can’t recognize faces. Ahn Jae Hyun and Lee Dae Hae play the secondary couple and honestly I got into their relationship even more than the main one.

11. Fight my way. Long time best friends Ko Dongman (Park Seo Joon) and Choi Aera (Kim Jiwon) have a very playful and silly relationship that starts to become something more. Meanwhile their best friends have been in a six year long relationship but go through trying times when a coworker sets her eyes in Ahn Jae Hong’s character. 

12. Lucky Romance. The plot of this one is mostly ridiculous but hella funny to watch. Bon Nui, a programmmer that is struggling to pay for her sister’s medical bills, does everything a fortune teller asks her to keep his sister alive who is in a coma. She’s told the only way to save her sister is to sleep with a guy that is born in the chinese years of the tiger. Sooho is a genius game developer that suffers from a past trauma and is born in the year of the tiger. 

13. Her private life. This sweet fun rom-com from last year is about a curator that moonlights as a fangirl. However her double life is at risk of being discovered after her new boss tries to enlist her idol for the next exhibit. Her relationship with her boss soon changes.

[honeybammie]

the world › bang chan

↳ in which chan is back after being away for months, and he doesn’t smell like home anymore ↳ little bit angsty, mostly fluffy 

Chan is home, returning for the first time in months. He doesn’t smell like himself anymore. No longer do the scents of singed candle wicks like lavender and oak cling to his skin. Instead, the entire world fills my nostrils: spices I have never tasted and flowers I have never heard of. He smells like the rain in Thailand, and I have no idea what that even means. At the very least, he looks like himself—a few months older, maybe, and tired, but the latter has always been true. 

The afternoon is warm, mid-seventies, and I’m shaking. Shaking because touching him sends jolts of electricity through my legs. Shaking because I smell the same and look the same and am for the most part well-rested. Shaking because I’m not the world.

But Chan doesn’t seem to realize.

“Hi,” he says, kissing my forehead and cheeks and every inch of my bare face until he settles on my lips. “I’m home.”

I hadn’t stopped fidgeting in days, but hearing him say home stills my nerves for a brief moment of peace. “You are,” I say, cupping his face in my hands to confirm. He’s not a compilation of pixels through a low-quality video chat or a high-quality fan photo. He’s warm and real and here. 

“Are you cold?” he asks, leaning into my touch. I wonder if the electricity flows in him, too. It has to. “You’re shaking.”

I shake my head. No, I was afraid you’d come home from the world and realize I’m only a fraction of it— a fraction that starts with a decimal and is followed by a million zeros. 

But he tells me, on a nightly basis, that he loves me, that he can’t wait to see me again. I grasp for him over video chat on the nights he has a spare moment to call, hoping my atoms will disperse and reform on the other side of the computer. My attempts have yet to meet success. 

“Just excited,” I tell him instead. He lifts his hands to wrap his fingers around mine, squeezing gently to remind me not to venture too deep into my own thoughts. 

“Want to tell me how your week has been?” he asks. Usually he takes a few minutes to ask what I’ve been up to, but wrapping up promotions has taken up so much time that he’s barely been able to message me other than to tell me goodnight. 

To be honest, I don’t remember any of the past four days now that he’s here. I had lunch with a coworker. French food, I think, or maybe Greek. I got an email about an event downtown and wanted him to join me, but what or when the event was escapes me. “It was just another week. It became the best week a couple minutes ago.” I blush, and in a quieter voice I add. “I’d rather you tell me about the world.”

“Okay, then let’s sit. Mind taking this?” Chan hands the bag on his shoulder over to me and lifts the two suitcases behind him, carrying them into the living room. He told me a couple times that he’s been working out a lot, but I only notice the progress now in the way his muscles shift under the black tee he’s wearing. 

Oh, I think, swallowing hard, but the thought that follows is one of thousands of screaming fans ogling over the same body that I do. I’m still getting used to sharing him. 

“Come here, silly.” He brings me back by patting the space on the couch next to him, and I join. He takes back the bag that I carried and sets it in the unoccupied cushion, pulling back the zipper to reveal contents I don’t recognize. 

“What’s all this?” I ask, craning my neck over him. 

“I’m gonna show you! No peeking!” he fusses, and I smile a little at his childlike enthusiasm. He’s brought back pieces of the world, treasures to share with me. 

One by one, he pulls materialized memories out of the bag, explaining each gift like they are stars he brought from the sky, and to me, they’re damn close. There’s a bracelet in my favorite color that he found at a bazaar in the Philippines, and a vial of sand from a beach in Thailand with a couple shells trapped inside. Candy from Japan he says I’ll love, a few books on foreign philosophies that he knows I’ll devour as soon as he leaves again. Even a tacky “I Heart New York” shirt thrown in the mix, because he thought it was funny, and I think it’s funny, too. 

“Oh, one more thing,” he gushes, reaching into a side zipper as he tells me to close my eyes. I listen, squeezing them shut until cool metal hits my hand. “Okay, you can open them now.”

There’s a silver key resting in my palm, attached to a delicate chain. “Let me guess. Because I have the key to your heart?” I tease, expecting him to pull out another necklace with a locket. 

“Not quite,” he says, showing me his hand, in which rests an identical key. He flips it over to show me the spot where my initials are engraved, and I turn over my own. Sure enough: CB. “Because together, we can unlock any door, or do anything, or be whoever we want.”

“That’s just as cheesy,” I say, deadpan. 

“It’s romantic!” he pouts. “I had them custom-made in Paris. They didn’t appreciate that I only gave them two days, but it worked out.” 

“Paris?” I echo, and I love the gift that much more. He had been to a couple countries in Europe, but not France. How would he ever have found the time? 

“You’ve always wanted to go, and one day, we’ll go together, but for now I decided to bring a piece back to you,” he says. I think my heart falls out of my chest because it needs to find a place with more room to love him. “Do you mind if I—?” He takes the necklace, unclasps it, and hooks it around my neck. I return the favor, and for a moment we sit and stare at the other half. At our other half. 

“Une clé,” I say. My years of French classes don’t fail me, and he smiles. 

“That has a nice sound to it,” he muses, hooking his finger under my chain and gently pulling me forward until my lips brush his. “Une clé.” My accent is better, but his effort is admirable. I spend the afternoon teaching him French words.

Night is normal again, with Chan in his spot in bed next to mine. The way it should be. The way it rarely is. His long day of travel puts him to sleep first, but I remain, unable to help myself as I get a headstart on one of the books he brought home. I glance at him now and again, too, trying to get used to the changes. His presence. His physique. His key, still hanging around his neck. One of his arms is tucked under the pillow, and the other reaches for me, rested on my stomach so he knows I’m there. I’m not the only one who has to remind myself, apparently. 

“Baby,” he murmurs long after I assumed him asleep, fingers twitching to life.

“Yes?” I answer, marking my page and closing the book. I set it on the nightstand, sliding down under the covers until my nose is only inches from his. He smells less worldly after a long shower, but still doesn’t smell like home.

“You were worried earlier,” he says. “The shaking. Your eyes. I could tell. What was wrong?”

I was afraid. I was afraid. I was afraid. I think of the world in him and the stagnancy in myself. “There’s the world, and there’s me. There are a thousand cities waiting for you and a million people, and there’s me. There are infinite things, and there’s me. Do you understand?”

His eyes flutter shut in a moment of tired processing, and then he shakes his head. “Not at all.”

I take a deep breath and sigh. “I’m afraid that while you’re out seeing the entire world, you’ll forget about me, because the world is so big and I’m so small and eventually the cities and the sights and the people will swallow me whole.”

He’s wide awake now, eyes darting to every curve and edge of my face. “You’re not the world,” he says. So he does realize. “But you are bigger—bigger than every city, or every sight, or every person put together. I’d sooner forget myself than you.”  

“I get jealous. Sometimes,” I admit, quieter, because I hate to say it. “Because the world gets to see you so much, and I get to see you so little, and I have to share you with a million people who fawn over you and your talent and your body and...everything. Is that terrible? Am I terrible?”

“You’re jealous that other people want to sleep with me?” he smirks. I whack his arm and try to roll over, but he laughs and brings me right back. It’s not hard to do. “I appreciate you everyday for letting me live my dream. You know that, right?”

I nod. Because I do. And Chan would never look at another person with an ounce of the adoration he showed me, but every once in a while jealousy grinned my way. “I know, yes.”

“And maybe there are a million others you have to share me with, but none of them I’d share this with.” He touches the key hanging at my chest. “They’re custom, remember? No two others like them anywhere, and no one deserves to wear it except you.” 

“Just me and you,” I say, and he nods. As much as the world around us has changed, Chan is the same boy I fell in love with. To most, time and distance are a ticking equation for ruin, but they’re nothing but words to him.

“And one day you’ll be able to see it all with me. I’ll bring you everywhere I’ll go, and we’ll never be apart longer than a week.” 

The promise sounds so far away, especially considering he’ll leave again in a few weeks, but I believe him. “And until then I have the key. And everything else you brought.”

“Exactly. And my love, always,” he says, kissing my forehead. “What’s French for ‘you have the key to my heart’?”

“You said that’s not what they were for.”

“They can have a dual meaning, and I’m curious.” He shrugs, but I know he just wants to hear me say something else in French.

“Tu as la clé de ma cœur.”

He repeats after me, his pronunciation much less graceful, and he giggles at the sound of himself halfway through, but the sentiment is the same. 

“Et tu as la mienne,” I answer. I don’t need to translate for him to know.

me?? actually writing something?? and posting it?? after three months?? i’m gonna try to be more active i promisE but college is R O U GH 

[canvaswolfdoll]

CanvasWatches: Weathering with you

Makoto Shinkai, who’s become notable enough that I no longer need to google his name to get it correct, has had another of his films dubbed and brought Stateside. Weathering with You is his first film since finding overwhelming critical success with Your Name.

Since reviewing Your Name, Netflix has doubled down on the Anime industry and vastly increased their dubbed offerings, and I can’t remember a poor attempt at a Hollywood anime adaptation since my casual insulting of Death Note and Ghost in the Shell[1] in that review.

I’ve also sat through most of Shinkai’s filmography in that time, finding it remarkable how many times Shinkai attempted to tell a tale with very distinct themes, and how silly it is to call him the next Miyazaki, before he finally knocked it out of the park with Your Name. You did it, Shinkai! You told a good story about a boy and his slightly older love interest being separated by time and space and also a random high concept hurdle!

With that creative chore finally out of the way, does Shinkai finally move on?

He does not.

Now, an effort was made to tell a distinct story, and the age discrepancy now has the male lead on the older end. Still, the lavishy rendered Tokyo scenery returns from Your Name, the rain effects of Garden of Words returns,[2] and I swear there’s a shot of the field from the climax of Children who Chase Lost Voices.[3]

Also, the leads from Your Name both make appearances, with spoken lines and everything. And like… screw it, I’m on board for the Shinkai Cinematic Universe. Garden of Words can fit in during the events of Weathering with You, Lost Voices can easily share it’s disjointed mythology, and the others eventually take place in Tokyo.

What I’m getting at is that Weathering with You doesn’t exactly take risks. Shinkai knows what brought him renown, and he’s unafraid to pander. There’s an honesty in that, even if the film is just treading in rain water.

We’re introduced to Hina sitting at the side of her mother’s hospital bed, a Teru teru bozu hanging in the windows to drive away the rain storm outside. Hina notices a shaft of light illuminating a forgotten shrine at the top of a building, and she goes to it, praying as she passes through the Tori Gate.

Time skip to Hodaka, bandages all over his face, on a ferry away from his rural hometown towards Tokyo.[4] He’s running away from home for reasons never explicitly stated, but his severe resistance to returning home implies something intense. The exact reasons aren’t important to the story, so I’m not going to dwell on it. He‘s a young boy of 16 looking to build a life in the big city.

On the ferry, he nearly gets washed away by a typhoon, getting saved by a shady business man named Keisuke, who bums a meal and beer off the kid he saved, and gives him a business card if Hodaka needs further help.

Now in Tokyo, Hodaka faces a scary proposition: homelessness! First he attempts to live at an internet cafe, but the expenses pile up too much, so he has to move to the streets of Kabukicho[5], where he finds a gun. He puts it in a bag because… well, he’s an idiot kid who triggers my stupid Caretaker Affect from work.[6]

He bops around for a bit, scores a free, lovingly rendered burger from Hina at a McDonalds,[7] then finally caves and calls up Keisuke, who gives him a job.

As a freelance tabloid writer. I mean, I’m a relatively unsuccessful writer, but I still have standards![8]

This eventually leads him and his senior coworker Natsumi into researching the myth of a ‘Sunshine Girl’, a hunt that leads to rumors and one meteorologist expanding on some super weird weather patterns, but no actual Sunshine Girl.

Then Hodaka saves Hina from being forced into some sort of unsavory line of work by nearly shooting a dude’s head. She drags him off and reveals that, yes, she can control the weather.

They make it into a business. Make a bunch of money, support themselves, it’s cool.

However, the police are poking around for Hodaka, because he’s a runaway spotted firing a gun on a CCTV camera, and Hina is alone providing for herself and her younger brother, and also young love is blossoming because it’s a Makoto Shinkai film.

While running their pray-away-rain business, they get hired by a grandmother who wanted a sunny day for her late husband. We also meet her grandson, Taki from Your Name because… well, Your Name had Yukari from Garden of Words, so why not keep having the protagonists from the last film introduce major cosmological concepts to the next set of heroes?[9]

After Hina is caught on camera praying away the rain, they decide to bring a close to their business.

Now that both involved parties have a good bit of cash, things are looking pretty okay. Hina’s birthday is coming, so Hodaka decides to gift her a ring, which Mitsuha from Your Name helps him select because why not?

However, everyone’s too happy, so now the police arrive to raise an eyebrow at these minors who lack legal guardians. Keisuke fires Hodaka, lest he risk gaining custody of his daughter, and Hina and her brother need to bug out. So the three children flee into a horrible typhoon, being turned away from many hotels and escaping the authorities.

Eventually, they book a pretty nice hotel room, and have a very fun night. Hina also reveals that she’s fading away due to overusing her weather control powers, but if she sacrifices herself, the apocalyptic storm outside should abate.

So she does that, and the next day is pretty sunny.

Hodaka doesn’t like not having Hina around, and decides to rescue her.

But first, he gets arrested a little bit. He escapes, flees back to the dilapidated building where Hina first showed off her powers, and rediscovers the gun he discarded there, has a standoff with the police, then runs through the tori gate to a beautiful field atop a massive cloud, where Hina’s hanging about.

Together, they decide screw everyone else, they want each other! So Hina wishes to return to earth, and the rainstorm restarts.

But I’m sure it’ll be…

What? Tokyo gets destroyed and flooded?

But that’s what happened to Mitsuha’s hometown, and she just got settled here and presumably met up with Taki during one of the nice days Hina granted Tokyo, now she’s losing another home?

More to the point, is destruction of one of the major settings going to be a thing with Shinkai now? It’s fine if it is, I just need to know if I should start taking drinks now or…

Hodaka returns home on probation from his many crimes, and is banished from Tokyo until he graduates High School!

He graduates High School and moves to the very flooded Tokyo. He attempts to reconnect with Jeisuke, who gives him a bit of tough love, then pushes him to reunite with Hina.

And we get the ‘Young lovers reunite’ scene that ended Your Name. Then the movie ends.

Weathering with You had new characters and a new fantastic premise, but it felt like an extension of Your Name. I’m afraid Shinkai will be too cautious now that he’s found a winning formula, and his filmography from here on will be very safe. Pretty to look at, but no narrative risks. I may snark about his earlier works, but they were experimental and tried new things. “Kataal kataal” comes from a film where he tried to copy Miyazaki’s work to an embarrassing degree.  That’s why I mocked it so.

Here, we have two young leads trying to make the best of their broken homes and their social life, going through an unusual circumstance until it comes to a sudden halt, then the boy goes on a mission (aided by the friends he made along the way) to discover what happened to the girl, they both use the weird powers one last time to save the girl while sacrificing her home, only for them to be forced apart for two years and reuniting on a sidestreet in Tokyo.

Just because he’s copying his own work doesn’t mean I’ll give him a pass.

I’d say if you’d seen Your Name, Garden of Words, and maybe Children who Chase Lost Voices then you can easily skip this one, but if you’ve watched that trilogy, you’re probably already dedicated to watching Shinkai’s complete works anyways.

Thanks for reading this review. It’s been a while since I wrote one, so it’s appropriate I returned with this director. Please consider supporting me on Patreon to see my reviews and original works early, as well as fund my potential projects. I promise to try and repeat myself less than Shinkai.

Kataal kataal.

---

[1] To be fair, I still haven’t actually watched any Ghost in the Shell content. I keep meaning to, but… finding time… [2] There was a Makoto Shinkai interview after the film with clips from his other works, but I didn’t see Garden of Words before I had to go use the restroom. Which is unfortunate, as that’s one of the good ones. [3] I have got to rewatch this film. It’s so oddly critical to my reviews for a film I saw once. [4] Another way Shinkai is unlike Miyazaki: while Miyazaki yearns for the simple life, Shinkai’s protagonists constantly fight to escape their quiet hometowns for the bustle of Tokyo. [5] Unfortunately, Kiryu doesn’t show up to set him straight. Hodaka does try and get hired by a Yakuza front, so that’s fun. [6] Need to find a job where I can be an apathetic monster to those I encounter. [7] Not a WcDonalds or others name swap. McDonalds apparently wrote off on appearing in this. Which is interesting. [8] Although writing about urban legends would be much preferred over celebrity gossip and lies… maybe I’m not so proud… [9] If he had only managed to work Asuna or Shin into Garden of Words...

[imawhoreforkpop]

Color of his eyes

Wonho (Monsta x) x Reader

Genre: angst, break up au

Warnings: slight cussing and Cheating

Word count: 3.3K

Summary: Winter can be beautiful to some but to others it's a painful reminder of what they used to have.

A/n: Oof this was a pain to type but i hope y'all will enjoy it, also please feel free to leave feedback.

If I had told myself that my life as I used to know it would dramatically change at the snap of his fingers. I would have been in denial, I would have told you he loved me and wouldn't do anything to destroy what we had. But that’s exactly what he did 6 months ago, the memory of that night still haunts me when I'm laying in bed at night, when I'm laughing with my friends, even when I'm doing simple tasks such as washing my dishes he was glued to my brain, a ghost I could never escape, always lingering around never once leaving me alone.

I asked myself why can't I move on, why do I still hold on to those words he said to me that cold winter night? I always seem to land on the exact same answer every time. I gave him everything, I gave him my heart, he wasn't my first love but it felt as if he was made just for me. He was perfect in every way; his soft black hair that I loved running my hand through on nights I couldn't sleep, his plump lips the I kissed good morning and goodnight, his hands that fit in mine like a puzzle piece. His arms that held me close on cold nights, his smile that lit up an the entire room in seconds and his beautiful brown eyes, they were warm like hot cocoa on a snowy day. Even though he was my everything, heart and soul, in the end he didn't feel the same.

I wish I would have had paid attention to the signs but I was blinded by love, blinded to the cold reality. Our relationship had lasted 3 years, we met at a coffee shop I was working on 18th Street. He made me feel alive, he made me feel wanted.  We had only been talking for a few months before dating but everything felt right, it feel like we were destined to be together, I remember our first date as if it just happened yesterday. He had taken me to a movie he had been dying to see for the longest time, it was the first time I truly listened to his laugh and it made me feel blissful to see him bubbling with life. His large hand grabbing a hold of mine, a simple action, yet made my stomach filled with butterflies. He walked me home that night, were we shared our first kiss at my door, his lips gently touching mine causing my heart pounded hard against my chest. His cologne flooded into my nose reminding me of Christmas day, that snowy day was our beginning to love and heartbreak.

I told him that I loved him four months into the relationship, and he had told me he fell in love with me the first day he laid eyes on me. Our relationship was like a match, burnt brightly but died out right underneath my fingertips. Seemed that he loved me one day and the next he was walking out of my life. I always ended up dwelling on our memories always wondering what went wrong or where it had gone wrong.

It was our first Christmas together, we were sat around a fake Christmas tree that was decked out in ornaments of all kinds, the smell of gingerbread and Pine danced around the air, as gifts passed around to one another, and bold colors popped out at every corner. His eyes showed kindness and love, lighting up at everything around him. An smile plastered his face as his arms surround me with warmth while he softly placed a kiss my forehead as we swayed to the music that flooded into our ears. Out of nowhere he picked me up and started swirling me around the living room, giggling at his sudden action, his long fingers push my hair out of my face so he could see me properly, I felt him softly grab my face bring it closer to his, resting his forehead against mine. “I love you, Y/N.” his voice softly called out to me. “I love you too.” I pull him towards me closing the gap between us, capturing his lips with mine. Remembering this moment it for what it was, remembering him. A tear roll down my cheek without me knowing, quickly wiping it away before any of my coworkers saw, I'd only worked here at the small Cafe called Moonlight for a few months, I had ran away from everything when he had left, I had moved cities, change jobs, and even got new friends.

In fear that everything would remind me of him, in fear that I would fall worse than hitting rock bottom. This Cafe became my own version of a safe haven, smell of brewed coffee, soft music that was the type that reminds you of rainy days, and regulars that come in with a smile on their face. I've had made good friends with one of those regulars an little old man named John. His struggles, his pain, his stories help me feel not so alone. Making me see that I can move on one day from the pain he caused me. The sound of a bell snapped me out of my thinking, dusting my hands off on the red apron while placing a smile on my face as I walk towards the counter where the customer was standing. “Hi, How may I help you ma’am?” I asked the tiny black-haired woman, the woman looks up at the chalk written menu, “Can I have 2 salted caramel lattes, one poppy seed muffin, and…” she looks at the baked goods, thinking of what else she wanted,”and an chocolate chip muffin.” her voice was high-pitched, try my best not to get annoyed at the doe eyed person, “ sure thing, $10.50 please.” I fake a smile holding my hand out for the money, “Really,$10 for this?” she scoffs before handing (more like tossing) me the money before storming off over to the table by the window. Rolling my eyes at the rude customer as I walk over to the machines to make her order, as a few minutes passed, I placed the order on the counter, “ order number five please come up” I holler out, “ my name is Polly.” she sneers at me, “sorry, ma'am.” I gave her a small smile before going towards other customers waiting for me to take their orders, after the hoard die down, my favorite customer popped up.

“ hey John, what can I get you today!” I greet the tiny man, “ hello dear, a plain black coffee like always and one of those carrot cakes” he gummy smiles, “$4.50.” I tell him, “Here you go, Hun” he say as he hands me the money. “ so what have you been up to John?” I gently ask while making his coffee,” just been painting.” he continues on with what he started saying, you should stop on these days and I'll paint Peanut Butter for you.” smiling at the thought of my small Cuddle Bear of a dog sitting there getting his portrait painted, “ I'm sure Peanut Butter will love the attention, just let me know when is a good time to stop by.” I hand him his daily order, “can you sit with me dear?” he asks me, “Of course! My shift just ended just let me to clock out real quick, okay?” he nods, I head back to the break room grabbing my coat and purse before clocking out for the day, walking towards my friend, taking the seat across him. “So how's your dog, Sugar?” I look at him, “She's good, sleeps all the time but I still love that silly old dog!” he smiles as he talks about his companion. “Glad to hear that, we should set up a doggie play date..” His face lit up from my offer, “That's a wonderful idea!” He beams in happiness, “well thank you for talking with me dear, I need to go before it starts raining.” He pats his lap, “see you Monday, John!” I yell out to him. “Have a good weekend!”  he waves at me before going out the door. Still sitting were me and John had just chatted a moment ago, I look out the window to see the clouds rushing in over at the lively city, I used to hate the rain I felt like it hit the beauty of the sky. But now I take refuge under the dark clouds, the rain making my weary skin wet washing away the day. The rain shows me that even the sky needs to cry. I sigh getting up and pushing in the cedar wood chair, heading out towards the glass doors into the never ending city, Zombie-like I head towards the bus stop, waiting for my ride home to pick me up, The rain started to pour down upon us, watching people of all ages run towards shelter. I softly laugh because only 6 months ago I did the same thing now I just soak in the Earth's tears, letting it claim me.

 After the 20 minute drive I arrive home to my small run down apartment, sluggishly walking through the entrance to my living room, I was greeted by a happy puppy, my world stops for a moment to greet my best friend. The small dog was a light tan covered in a fluffy coat, his ears were tiny but soft to the touch and his love was never ending. I had found Peanut Butter the day I had just moved here, he was scared not knowing where to go or who to go to. He reminds me a lot of myself, we're both trusted someone that had hurt us and tossed us out to the wolves. I scooped him up of the box he had been living in for god know how  long. Since I saw him , I knew that this small puppy had saved me from the world that had hurt me. PB started barking at me, begging me to pay attention to him then what I was currently doing. Saturday had rushed in before I knew it, the sun screaming at me to wake up and start the day. PB patting at my face to get me moving, “I’m up, I'm up!” rolling onto the floor, to get ready for PB morning walk. “Do...you...wanna..go..for..a walkie!” I hype him up, snapping the leash into his blue collar. Heading out the door with my jumping happy-go-lucky dog by my side. Autumn had properly arrived, colorful leaves falling around us, wind making the naked tree dance to the rhythm. My dog's paws is hitting the leaf covered sidewalk, an sound that became my comfort zone what had replaced the beat of his heart. The brightly yellow sign for PB’s dog park reaching our view, PB feet going faster than his body. “Whoa, there bud!” I laugh at my puppy's eagerness to meet new friends. I open the chain linked gate letting him loose to run and play as he pleads. Going toward my normal spot, a wooden bench under a cherry blossom tree, pulling out a book to read to only getting half way through when a voice snapped my attention it remind me of him, my stomach drops, my walls feel as if they'll crumble down.

The door slams open, making me jump up into a sitting position from the sofa that I had been laying on. “Hey, what's wrong?” I gently ask him, “I can't do this anymore.” He paces around our living room. “Do what?” my voice trembles in fear. “This.” he takes a deep breath as if he was going to snap at any given moment. “What do you mean by “This”’ I stand up, trying to stay calm.  His eyes piercing through my soul, I tried to reach out for him but he moves away from me as if I were disgusting. “I don't love you, I haven't for a while”, I felt as if the whole world was crashing around me. “How could you do this to me!” i throw my hands up, “To us!” I angrily snap “It happened so fast that I couldn't stop it, but at the same time I didn't want to.” he defends himself. Tears flood into my eyes, “I've been seeing someone else.”, “How long?” I weep, “A few months.”, “I loved you” I sob, He pushes past me, “I think I’m in love with her Y/N.” He looks down not wanting to see my face as he leaves our apartment. I break down against the door not knowing what to do or who to go to. The love of my life just walked out of my life, my life soon became my worst nightmare. Knowing he'll be back to get his stuff, I decided not wanting to be home I packed up all my clothes and a few personal belongings, before I took off into the night, catching the first bus to take me out of this hellhole. Feeling my heart break even more as I say goodbye to the town that I  built so many memories within and set off for a new start, without him. Feeling myself wanting to break down as I began to look for the owner of the voice. Failing to find where it had came from, I begin calling my dog over to me wanting nothing more than to leave.

“PB come here baby!” I yell out as my dog runs towards me happily. “let's go, Hun.” picking up my dog before taking off, trying to get away from the voice and wanting to hide from it. Collapsing onto my cheap bed as I shut my eyes while taking a deep breath. “You were doing so well.” I whisper to myself as the tears nearly spill out, “Why can't I just move on from Him, PB” I mourn to my dog, He whines as he curls up against me. “You're right” petting him, laying in bed for the rest of the night. Sunday went by as normal other than  I had decided to walk PB somewhere new, to void breaking down again, and then taking him to get a hot-dog to make him forgive me on bailing out on his park.

                                      ~2 months later~

Clocking in for what felt like the hundredth day in the row, Snow laid all around the outskirt of the small shop. Christmas is right around the corner and the cafe saw new people as they visited their families. Setting out the fresh baked goods for the ongoing day as we waited for the people to stop by, I could already tell today was going to be a slow day. People coming in here and there, nothing too interesting. Jess, my coworker started telling me about the latest gossip,”So you know that girl named Polly who gave you attitude, well she came in with here with this guy who I'm assuming is her boyfriend. Was asking for you.”, “What For?” rolling my eyes, “She wanted to give you a piece of her mind for giving them “Shit” Coffee.” Jess informs me “ I only served her coffee three times and I know it wasn't “shit” coffee.” I started to feel annoyed. “Her boy-toy seems like he was wrapped around a leash.” She laughs, “Pussy-whipped for sure” I join laughing with her. Jess made the boring day more bearable, She made me laugh on days I thought I couldn't,  She was like family away from family. She knew everything that happened between me and him, she was there for me when no one else was.

“Hey, You wanna come over to my house for Christmas?” I ask will scrubbing the round tables, “Hell yeah!” she pops up from behind the baked good case. “Christmas Traditions will start with me now.” She smiles, the bell rings loudly throughout the cafe, seeing Polly standing there, “ you're Y/N, right?”, “Why? Are you needing something?” I stand up straight looking down at her, “Yes, I’m here to tell you that your coffee is the worst I've ever had!” She yells at me, “Sorry Ma'am” I look at her before walking away, “Don't like my coffee then don't come in when I'm working, It's simple as that.” I say to her in a voice laced in annoyance. “whatever.” she storms off to a guy waiting outside for her, they linger outside for a few minutes, talking about something that clearly made her “Boyfriend” upset. “I bet you, they won't last more then 6 months.” Jess comments at the drama happening outside. “Christmas Joy, am I right.” as I watch her flip the sign to tell people we're closed for the night. “They're still arguing, Dude.” Jess tells me while dragging a yellow bucket from mopping the floor, “wow, what a lovely couple. Seems like they belong together.” I laugh at the thought of “true love” as I finishing up the cleaning for the night. I begin to head home after the long day, the snow rushing down around me and the winter wind harshly brushed against me, making my face flush with red. Wishing I had brought a thicker jacket to block out the bitter cold, last-minute deciding that I didn't want to ride the crowded bus, even though it was freezing cold out. Wanting to get a fresh breath of air to escape for a little and become one with nature for a short moment. Coming across a small park, a few blocks from my place, my heart telling me to go towards the playground, I head towards the swing set, the cold metal touching my skin and plastic sea covered in snow, the swing had pulled out all my emotions, I laid my head upon the chains supporting me. Looking up to the sky where the snowflakes said goodbye to their home, I felt their sorrow, I had experienced their sorrow. I knew one day I'll be okay, that day may not be today or tomorrow as I thought about the boy who broke my heart, he was everything I ever wanted but maybe we weren't truly destined to be together. My heart may never stop loving him, but I knew that I had to move on even if it hurt me more than anything to let go of this false sense of hope that he'll come back. Pushing myself off the swing, needing to head home to my waiting friend, the street lights showed the beauty of winter as a snow-covered the harshness behind it.

Christmas wasn't as lonely, Jess filled the gap he had left, she made me think about the joy of being with the ones I love instead of the painful memories of the past. It was a few days after Christmas, people were heading back home to their lives before the holiday hit, business was back to normal, the air still filled with gingerbread men and eggnog, music upbeat for the next year to come. I was talking to Jess about what PB was doing last night with his new toy, when she-hell popped up once again asking for the same thing she always did, giving her a coffee before wanting to get off work to escape the aura she placed on the small cafe. I was halfway home when I thought of a good idea, grabbing PB I decided that we're going to take daily walk instead of doing our walks on the weekends for the new year. It was late into the night, Stars above watching us from above when I accidentally bumped into someone, “Sorry.” I'm mumble, “It's okay.” He gentle says. Freezing in my spot I feel my stomach hurl, slowly turning around praying it wasn't him. “It's nice to see you again, Wonho.” my voice wanting to give up on me as I look at him one last time.

[paganchristian]

And another unidentified waterfall that we saw.  I have an idea of which one this is but I really could be wrong so I don’t know.  Adding now, why not, I think it may be DeSoto Falls, after Desoto the conquistador.  Wasn’t he?  I have forgotten all my history that I learned in school.  But it’s been replaced with other information that has superseded it in importance and then I began to forget that too and it’s being replaced by other vague mental states that don’t contain many facts in it.

It isn’t that I don’t read anymore or learn about new things but now my memory often generally seems horrible.  I don’t really mind it that much though.  I’m not sure if maybe it’s because I’m more intuitive.  At any rate, I am more intuitive.  I like that and it replaces my need for memory most days and far surpasses it in the gifts and joy and beauty I experience as a result of this intuition, guidance, too, and creative thinking, all that I have now, that I have much more now than I did when I had better memory and mental focus.  Also, patience, mindfulness, groundedness, sensory pleasure, so many things that have replaced the desire for more focus or memory but still sometimes I wish I could recall certain things and it seems critical sometimes and I wonder if it will be my downfall one day if I forget horribly important things. 

Faith and hope replace the need for certain stability but that faith is not rock solid and anyway amount those who say they have rock solid faith I notice that they seem to have different lives that are more solid and steady or they have different personalities that don’t require the same kind of subtle balance for wellness, the fragile balance of my mental health, physical health, emotional health.  They seem to just need certain stable strongholds and then they will sail on, unhampered, not too slung about backwards and forwards by the winds that swing me from one end to another, bipolar, sensory, so easily disrupted by so many things, so introverted, so narrow my little unusual world, like a plant who will survive only in one little environment, forever threatened status because of the threatened ecosystem on which it derives all its possibility, ...  and all its stability is sourced from that one place, that one state of homeostasis, equilibrium, equanimity, not some detached thing like Buddhist’s say, the dependent, fragile equanimity of an inconsequential, ephemeral bubble world, to the world around it, meaningless as a bit of fluff, from a dandelion, containing a world therein, unseen.  To reference Horton hears a Who.  I figure that reference sounds weird to a person not familiar and thoroughly dwelling in childhood books, as a big part of their identity and frame of reference, as a mom such as me would be, but for me it is like my cultural framework, the culture hero, no less fantastic and wonderful than some myth of old, or philosopher or fine art reference.  Haha  And so it will be.  I could never really even get into all those classical references and to me the folksy things and the childlike things are much more heartwarming, diverse, and beautiful and humble.  More likely to contain subtleties of values missed by the more sophisticated culture of adulthood, religion, philosophy, and cultural norms of society.  Adulthood in general bypasses what childhood awareness can readily contain in a vast world of intricacy and many angles, many ecosystems in that world, many worlds of it all.  It is no wonder little children are said to be so creative, because in some ways, yes, they are, very much indeed, seeing things adults generally will never even begin to let themselves consider, and they reject as boring, weird, silly, tacky, childish, dumb, failing to see the deep creative uniqueness in them.  I never want to grow up again, even if the childhood I happen to inhabit, partially, is just hte land of my own child and not general childhood where so many other children aren’t much like my child.  But it’s childhood, just a kind of childhood that has to be created in a certain environment, with a certain upbringing, certain influences and activities and practices and teachings given to the child, and certain influences and ideas shielded from them.  Yet I know that this kind of mindset and lifestyle can make my daughter well and thriving, the same way it is making me like that, now, after a lifetime of so much misery that I had until her childhood taught me another way to be.  I know that she can be happy like this through her adult life, or so it seems, far more safe and strong than general culture would teach her, which made me so miserable, abandoned, and lonely, .. General societal culture, which did not let me become “socialized” in any beneficial helpful way, but led to me becoming isolated and used and abused.  No, I think that if I had to go it alone now in some unforeseen circumstance, I would be much better able to thrive, than I was before my daughter taught me to be more childlike.  And if I am different than everyone and have a hard time making friends?  I am my own friend, and God is my friend, my mind, my hobbies, by books and reading and divination are my friends, and can be as well for her, her friends, if she ever needs them, because they have been much better friends than any others.  I still feel dependent on my husband, but I was, always, and before him I was dependent on my parents.  I haven’t ever not been dependent and being childlike is not at all what made me dependent.  If I needed to try to survive alone then I think I’m much more able to cope as a childlike person than I would have been before I became like this.  But only actually experiencing that would be the true test but I feel nearly certain that I could stay centered in my spiritual, childlike, intuitive self and like a bubble, like a shield, to use the new age imagery, a pure forcefield of mental and emotional and soul energy could keep me safe and centered, while I had to deal with whatever life and society put me through, even if I was very alone, very rejected, for being so different, for not knowing how to chatter with coworkers and random people who I’m supposed to want to befriend (but I don’t because they are not interested in the things I’m interested in in the same ways and I have no desire to talk with them about their chosen topics in their chosen conversational styles and in this way I’m totally and entirely introverted by choice, ..  Though with my daughter I can talk and talk at times.  And with my husband too, I can do that.  Only when he opens up his mind to how he used to be before he changed so much, the side of him that lurks but mostly stays buried and covered with defense and anger and shame instead of the openness and love and curiosity and freedom.  Converted into standard normalcy all that once made me fall in love has mostly degraded or become covered up, rotten, the opposite of what it once was, except for a few rare occasions of glimpses of the past shining up again.  It’s something, and it’s a rare situation that few others can give me, but he rarely does. Whatever it’s worth, I’m really not sure.  I have gradually tapered away from needing him over the decades and maybe one day I could completely not need that part of his personality anymore ever.  But in my mental and physical illnesses, society hasn’t got a safe place for me but he makes up for what they can’t give. 

[creacherkeeper]

Jemma's first weighted blanket (in any universe)

Nobody Else Can Take Me Higher 

anon prompted: “Adoption AU Jemma figuring out she's autistic and talking to May about it” 

Let Us Love series 

a/n: jemma and fitz are 22-23 in this 

3079 words 

read on AO3 

“So how have things been at work?”

Jemma’s fingernails scrape gently over the patterned ceramicmug, textured with the layers of paint that Jemma had applied all those yearsago when she was a young kid. May had received more than a few hand-paintedmugs as gifts from the kids over the years (the last one being from a17-year-old Antoine) and each one of the kids claims their favorite when theycome over to visit. This one is always Jemma’s. It depicts no scene, just apattern of zigzags and dots. Jemma had once explained she liked it because ofhow it felt in her hands.

When she receives no response, May says, “Jemma?”

Jemma continues to stare down at her tea.

Rather than touching her and startling her out of the tranceshe’s sunk in to, May starts skimming over the headlines on the newspaper infront of her. Which is maybe a bad idea. If she has to read one more thingabout politics she’s going to scream.

She’s looking over the weather forecast when Jemma’s headpops up, and she blinks at May.

“Sorry, did you say something?”

“I asked how work was going.”

Jemma nods, tapping her nails on the mug. “Good, good. Ourboss is letting us have input into our next project. Fitz and I are going totry and convince her to look into advanced prosthetics. It’s a growing field, Ithink she’ll go for it.”

May takes a sip of her tea, which is almost empty, andgetting colder. “That sounds good.”

Jemma nods again, then her gaze drifts back toward the tea,lips pressing together.

May watches her for a moment before speaking. “Is theresomething bothering you, Jemma?”

Jemma sighs, and her lips flicker up in a nervous smile.“Um. Sort of. Not bothering, I suppose. Just weighing.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

May figures that this is why Jemma came over. She’d calledonly last night to ask, when usually she calls at least a week in advance. Andshe sounded nervous on the phone. May hopes it’s not serious, but if it is thenthey’ll deal with it together.

The tapping on the mug gets more urgent. “Yes. I do. I just …I’m not sure how to say it. How to tell you.”

May considers that for a moment, then stands. Jemma blinksat her in surprise.

“Come on.”

Jemma follows her out of the room and into the living room,and sits on the couch when May nods at it. Then May makes her way over to thecorner, where Lancelot is sleeping, snoring heavily.

“Lance,” May calls.

The dog doesn’t budge.

She nudges him with her cane. “Lance.”

With great effort, the oldPyrenees lifts his head, snorting sleepily.

“Where’s Jemma?” May asks.

Lance fixes his gaze on Jemma onthe couch, tail thumping once.

“Go get her,” May saysencouragingly.

Slowly, Lance pulls himself up,stretches languidly, and walks over to the couch. He stares up at Jemma for amoment before raising one paw, placing it on her leg, and huffing.

“You are too big for this,” Jemmasays, even as she bends over to heft the dog onto her lap, front half first,then back half. She groans with the effort, as he weighs about as much as shedoes.

Lance adjusts himself over Jemma’slap and sighs heavily as he lays down his head.

“Silly old dog,” Jemma muttersfondly, stroking his long, white fur.

May sits down in the chair acrossfrom the couch, watching as Jemma twists Lancelot’s fur between her fingers. Shedoesn’t speak, knowing Jemma will start when she’s ready.

“I …” Jemma says eventually. Sheclears her throat. “I’ve been doing a lot of research.”

When it doesn’t seem like Jemma isgoing to continue, May prods, “On?”

“Autism.”

That takes May a little off guard.“I don’t know much about it,” she admits.

“I didn’t either,” Jemma says.“One of my coworkers, his daughter just got diagnosed. We were talking about itat work, and he was telling me about her, and … and everything he was saying, just,it really sounded like me as a kid. He calls her his ‘little professor’. Itstruck a chord with me, so I started looking into it.”

May steeples her fingers over herlap. “And?”

“I read a lot. A lot of websites,a few books. And at first I didn’t want to believe it, because I had thispicture of autism in my head, and it didn’t line up with me at all. But themore I read, the more I read accounts written by autistic people about theirexperiences, the deeper I got into it … the more it made sense. The more it …explained things. Explained me.”

“Do you need to be explained?” Mayasks.

Jemma is quiet for a moment. “Youknow I …” She bites her lip. “I was always different from other kids. Even ifyou say I wasn’t, it’s true. I was odd. The only people who I thought reallyunderstood me were you and Fitz, and … I think that’s because a lot of the timeI didn’t really understand myself. And you know I’m—” She shrugs. “-you know,I’m still different. From other people. I can’t escape that. And there are thingsI’ve always wondered about. Things that just didn’t seem to make sense. But …looking at it from this angle, it all kind of falls into place.”

May mulls over that, and thennods. “Okay.”

Jemma stares at her. “You’re not…?” Her brows furrow.

“Not what?”

She looks away again, shrugging.“I don’t know.”

“Jemma, if you think this is apart of you, then it’s a part of you I accept. I love all of you, oddities ornot. You know that.”

“Yeah.” Jemma lets out a relievedbreath. “I know.”

“And obviously this is somethingI’m going to want to learn more about. So I’ll be expecting you to send somematerials my way.”

“Of course. If you want them.”

“I do.”

“Okay.”

Jemma seems calmer now, lessnervous, but she’s still quiet.

“How are you feeling about allthis?” May asks.

Jemma lets out a quiet sigh,thinking. “I’m still … processing a lot of it, really. I think more thananything I’m relieved. It raises a lot of questions, obviously, but it answersmore than anything else. I have to think about it more, and I’d love youropinion once you learn more about it. But this is something I’m pretty sureabout. It’s just got me a little off-balance right now.”

“Anything new you learn aboutyourself, big things like that, you need time to settle into it. That’s normal.This is a fundamental part of your identity, and it’s okay if it takes you sometime to get used to.”

Jemma glances up at her. “Youthink?”

“Definitely.”

“Yeah.” She nods.

“Do you want to show me some ofthe websites now?”

“Oh god no,” Jemma says, nosescrunching in distaste. “Your internet is so slow, it’ll take ages for anythingto load. I’m not going to be here for that.”

May snorts. “Actually, Skye hackedit or something, it’s much faster now.”

“… She ‘hacked it’?”

“She did something with therouter. It’s a new one.”

Jemma laughs. “That’s not hacking,mum.”

May rolls her eyes. “Well,whatever she did, it’s better.”

Jemma smirks, rolling her eyes inresponse. She glances at the clock. “I should actually be heading into worksoon. I’m only working a half day today, but I don’t want to start too late.”

“When was the last time you had aday off?”

Jemma grins knowingly. “If I tellyou, you’ll be mad, so I’m not going to tell you.”

“You know that alone makes me mad,right?”

Jemma’s grin stays plastered onher face as she scoots out from beneath the dog and makes her way to the mainhall. “Bye, mum.”

May stands to walk her out, andhovers by the door as Jemma collects her purse and keys. Jemma opens the door,then stops, turns quickly, and launches herself at May. May staggers back a bitand has to catch herself with her cane.

“Thank you,” Jemma says, muffledagainst her shoulder. “For everything.”

May just hugs her back.

 --

 May’s never minded long drives. Somethingabout being behind the wheel just puts her at ease. Maybe the hum of theengine, or the mindless way she gets lost in driving. Still, she doesn’t likethat Fitz and Jemma live so far away. Little Rock is only a 45-minute drive,but it’s far enough that she doesn’t see them as often as she likes.

So two weeks have already passedbefore she manages to make her way to their apartment, a boxed gift wrapped inbrown paper heavy in her arms as she knocks on the door. Lancelot stands behindher, that look in his eye like he’s thinking about lying down already, eventhough he was lying down the whole car ride there. He’s not on a leash. Henever wanders far anymore.

Jemma answers the door with asmile, but she’s got her cell phone trapped between her ear and her shoulder.She waves May in.

May makes her way into the smallapartment, stopping near the door and looking around. The kitchen and livingroom are connected, and it’s easy to tell which space either of the kidsoccupies. There’s a filing shelf on the kitchen table in lieu of a centerpiece,and the folders spread on the table are meticulously placed. The living room,on the other hand, is a disaster. There’s some video game paused on the TV (afirst-person shooter, May lived with them long enough to know that much), thecouch cushions are on the floor, and there are at least seven empty bottlesscattered on the floor around them, as well as a few bags of party-sized chips.Fitz himself is nowhere to be seen.

Lancelot makes a beeline for thecouch cushions and plops onto one of them.

“No, no,” Jemma says into thephone. “That goes in the blue folder. B is for blue is for biological … Right …No, no, don’t- Well tell her she needs to start filing it that way, or I’mnever going to find it … No, her system is ridiculous, it doesn’t work … Yes, Iknow it doesn’t work, I’ve been trying to parse it out for two years now, andI’m still confused. Just- Proper filing is all I’m asking for here. It can’tpossibly be that difficult … Yes, thank you. I appreciate it very much. Okay,see you Monday.” Jemma hangs up the phone with a heavy sigh. “Sorry. You knowwork, it’s impossible to get away from.” She rolls her eyes, then moves forwardto give May a peck on the cheek. “How are you, mum?”

“Much more informed than I was twoweeks ago,” May jokes.

Jemma beams. “Done some reading,then?”

“I’ve read Nobody Nowhere, most of Neurotribes,and all the websites you gave me.”

“And?”

“I think it sounds a lot likeyou.”

Jemma deflates. “That’s … reallyrelieving, actually.”

“That’s why I got this.” May holdsup the box.

“Oh.” Jemma blinks at it. “Youdidn’t have to get me anything. I don’t think this is one of those mandatorygift-giving occasions.”

“I just thought you might likeit.”

Jemma takes the box, and almostdrops it. “Oh my god, how much does this weigh?”

“Twenty pounds,” May says, alittle smile tugging at her lips.

“What could this possibly be?”Jemma mutters to herself as she slices through the tape with a nearby pair ofscissors and unwraps the box, then pulls off the lid. She’s quiet for a moment,staring, then runs her hand over the fabric.

“You got me a weighted blanket,”Jemma says, sounding a little choked.

“I hope you don’t already haveone.”

Jemma turns and pulls May into ahug, holding on tightly. “You got me a weighted blanket,” she says again.

“I did.”

“I love it.”

“Yeah?”

Jemma pulls away, nodding, lookingjust the slightest bit teary. “It’s got stars on it.”

“It was hard to find someone tomake one in something other than a child size. But the person who made it isautistic, which I thought you would like.”

“I do like,” Jemma confirms. “Ilike very much.”

“You don’t have to try it now—”

But Jemma is already hefting itout of the box.

She holds it in her arms and makesher way over to the couch, which of course has no cushions on it, thosecushions being occupied by the dog on the floor.

“Ugh, Fitz,” Jemma grumbles.

“Where is Fitz?” May asks.

“Grocery store.”

May pauses. “You trust him at thegrocery store?”

Jemma snorts. “I should amend,he’s on a snack run. He ran out of Doritos.”

May nods. “That makes more sense.”

“I suppose Lancelot isn’t going tomove, is he?”

“Not unless you have Snausages.”

“I unfortunately do not.”

“Then that’s going to be a no-go.”

“Bedroom it is.”

Jemma makes her way through theshort hallway and turns into the second door, May trailing her. May is alwayssurprised with how ‘grown up’ Jemma’s room looks, mostly because she’sconstantly surprised at how grown up Jemma is. Despite the very tasteful andminimalist décor, however, she still has her Ollie the Owl plush on her bed,the same one she’s had since that very first weekend with May all those yearsago. May picks it up, smiling at it fondly.

Jemma crawls onto the bed and thenspreads out the large weighted blanket, wiggling beneath it. She lays flat onher back with the blanket draped over her, a smile slowly curving its way ontoher face.

“This is amazing,” she says.

“You’re not just saying that?”

“No, honestly. Come try it.”

May props her cane on thenightstand and scoots under the blanket with Jemma. She takes a moment toadjust to the feeling.

“It’s … heavy.”

Jemma laughs. “That is the point,yes. Isn’t it great though? It feels like a tight hug.”

“It’s heavy,” May says again.

Jemma shakes her head, then turnsonto her side so she can snuggle up to May, wrapping an arm around her.

“Did I already say thank you?”

May pretends to think about it. “Idon’t think so, no.”

“Well, thank you.”

May rests her hand over Jemma’s.They’re both silent for a moment. “What book should I read next?”

“I’m making my way through Lucy’s Story and quite enjoying it. I’lllet you know if it’s a ‘to-read’ once I finish.”

“Okay.”

Jemma lets out a heavy-but-pleasedsigh and burrows closer. May gives her a few minutes before she pats her hand.

“I should head back. It’s a longdrive back to Pine Bluff.”

“You should stay for dinner.”

May considers. “Only if you’re nothaving Doritos.”

Jemma chuckles. “Well, I can’tspeak for Fitz, but I’ll be having actual food.”

“I’ll stay, then.”

“Good. I’ve missed you, I hardlyget to see you.”

“And whose fault is that?”

Jemma rolls her eyes and sits up,and May gets off the bed to let her off as well. “I know, I know, we’re theones who moved away. You’re going to have to get over that eventually.”

May smirks. “You wish.”

Jemma types into her phone as theymake their way back out toward the kitchen. The response is almost immediate.

“Fitz got stuff to make spaghetti.Also, he’s mad that he didn’t get a present.”

“Well, when he has a big,life-changing revelation then he can get a present too.”

“I’ll let him know.”

May sits down at the table, andJemma pours them both a glass of water. Then Jemma sits too, her browscrunching as she looks away.

“What’s up?” May asks.

The expression clears. “I know Ialready said thank you—a few times—but … thank you, again. For everything. Forbeing so understanding.”

May shakes her head. “You don’thave to thank me for that, Jemma. Being accepting of who your children are isthe minimum requirement for being a parent.”

“Yes, but a lot of people fallshort of that. And yet you go so above and beyond. I never thought I would getthe chance to have a parent as amazing as you are, and I don’t know how I gotso lucky. I don’t say that enough.”

May isn’t sure how to respond, howto convey how warm that made her chest, but that’s when the door unlocks andFitz walks through.

“Hey, mum,” he says, smiling, thenlooks toward the living room and freezes. “Lance!” he almost yells, and dropsthe grocery bags on the floor so he can go over to him. He kneels down on theground in front of him and rubs his hands over the dog’s belly. “Hey, buddy.Oh, I missed you.”

May rolls her eyes. “He loves thatold dog more than he loves me.”

“Well, at least one of us lovesyou more.”

Fitz looks over, scrunching hisnose. “Oh, don’t be such a suck up, Jemma.”

Jemma sticks her tongue out, thensmiles primly.  

“You better wash your hands beforeyou make dinner,” May tells Fitz. “Lance smells like old tires.”

“He smells perfectly fine, and Idon’t want to hear another bad word about him.”

Jemma squints. “You are washingyour hands, though, right?”

Fitz sighs. “Yes, Jemma, I’mwashing my hands. See?” He gets up, holding his hands up in defeat, and makeshis way over to the sink. After he’s done, he fetches the bags from the fronthall and starts pulling out ingredients to make the spaghetti.

May eyes the folders on the table.“So, how’s work going?”

“Our boss decided to go theprosthetics route,” Jemma says, beaming. “It’s very exciting. Isn’t it, Fitz?”

He nods.

“Tell me all about it,” May says.

“Well—” Jemma starts, and then begins rambling about things May won’teven pretend to understand.

May just sits back, nods whenshe’s supposed to, and revels in the fact that it feels like they’re back home,together, right where they’re supposed to be.

[surveysonfleek]

309.

1. What is your birth name? What name do you use? i go by my birth name. my name is pretty different so i don’t want to post it since a google search would probably bring this tumblr up haha. 2. Do you have a nickname? What is it, and where did you get it? yes. it’s a mix of my first and middle name and it’s also super different. my mum came up with it.

3. What do you look like? (Include height, hair, eyes, skin, apparent age, and distinguishing features) i’m 5′4″, dark brown hair with lighter ends, brown eyes, sorta tanned skin, i guess i look my age (26). 4. How do you dress most of the time? these days pretty comfortably. during winter i stick to leggings, sweaters or a tee with a jacket/coat. in summer i wear a lot of dresses.

5. How do you “dress up?” usually by wearing a dress and wearing more makeup than usual.

6. How do you “dress down?” trackpants and oversized tees.

7. What do you wear when you go to sleep? pyjamas or old clothes i wouldn’t wear out anymore.

8. Do you wear any jewelry? yes. earring, nose rings and bracelet. 9. In your opinion, what is your best feature? my skin. 10. What’s your real birth date? dec 5. 11. Where do you live? Describe it: Is it messy, neat, avant-garde, sparse, etc.? i live in the suburbs in a typical two storey home with a big backyard. 12. Do you own a car? Describe it. yeah, a black 2011 suzuki alto. 13. What is your most prized mundane possession? Why do you value it so much? my perfumes. i just collect them and they really do remind me of different eras of my life haha.

14. What one word best describes you? easygoing.

Familial Questions 1. What was your family like? i love my immediate family. my parents did separate when i was 18 so that was hard but i’m just making the most of it now.

2. Who was your father, and what was he like? my dad is the kind and patient one of the family. i was spoilt silly by him but he also taught me how to be humble. my dad kinda goes to me for his problems now which is actually pretty hard on me but whatever, he’s my dad. 

3. Who was your mother, and what was she like? my mum is really hard working and still insists on doing everything for me and my sister. she’s a really strong woman.

4. What was your parents marriage like? Were they married? Did they remain married? nah they separated back in 2008. technically they’re still married. honestly their entire marriage was fine but after a year of arguing in 2008 they decided to go their separate ways.

5. What were your siblings names? What were they like? i have one younger sister, dana. she’s the typical 19yo, still loves bieber, loves kylie jenner etc. we didn’t really get along growing up but now we’re getting closer which is nice. 

7. When’s the last time you saw any member of your family? Where are they now? question 6 is missing grrr. umm i saw my mum a couple hours ago for dinner. she’s probably sleeping now.

8. Did you ever meet any other family members? Who were they? What did you think of them? yeah i’ve met all of my aunts, uncles and first cousins. there’s plenty of them. idk they’re all different, i get along with some more than others but i don’t hate anyone.

Childhood Questions 1. What is your first memory? i was on vacation in the philippines at 2yo, i remember going to a zoo and riding in a boat? 2. It is common for one’s view of authority to develop in their adolescent years. What is your view of authority, and what event most affected it? eh, i didn’t really notice i was always good to my parents. my teachers, not so much. 3. What were/are you like in high school? What “cliché” did/do you best fit in with? i was in the group that were friends with everyone. they were friends with the popular people even though i wasn’t lol. there’s honestly no cliche for it. 4. What were/are your high school goals? my main goal was to get into uni, which i did.  5. Who was/is your idol when you were growing up? no one. 6. What is your favorite memory from adolescence? just those nights where i’d be on the phone until the early hours of the morning. and being on msn until late too lol. 7. What is your worst memory from adolescence? none that i can think of. probably my parents separating. Occupational Questions 1. Do you have a job? What is it? Do you like it? If no job, where does your money come from? yeah i have a job that i hate so much lol. i need to find a new job asap and i keep fkn telling myself that but it’s seriously time. 2. What is your boss or employer like? If a Student what are your teachers like? every night it’s a different supervisor so there isn’t one person that i have to report to all the time which is good. 3. What are your co-workers or fellow students like? Do you get along with them? Any in particular? i love some of my coworkers, they make the shift go faster. 4. What is something you had to learn that you hated? a lot of math. 5. Do you tend to save or spend your money? Why? a bit of both. i treat myself sometimes. Likes & Dislikes Questions 1. What hobbies do you have? traveling, reading, board games, shopping. 2. Who is your closest friend? Describe them and how you relate to them. definitely my boyfriend. he’s the only person that knows the most about me. 3. Who is your worst enemy? Describe them and why you don’t get along. i don’t really have one. 4. What bands do you like? Do you even pay attention? i don’t pay attention lol. 5. What tape or CD hasn’t left your player since your purchased it? Why? i have neither right now. 6. What song is “your song?” Why? i could probably make a list of 20 songs that are so ‘me’. 7. What’s been your favorite movie of all time? a couple. i usually stick to aladdin though. 8. Read any good books? What were they? yes plenty. 9. What do you watch on the television? i binge watch all sorts of shows. right now it’s skin wars and the handmaid’s tale. 10. When it comes to mundane politics, do you care? If so, which way do you tend to vote? If not, why don’t you care? i care to a certain extent. it’s compulsory to vote here. 11. What type of places do you hang out in when you are on your own? my room. 12. What type of places do you hang out in with your friends? restaurants, bars, each other’s houses. 13. What annoys you more than anything else? rudeness. 14. What would be the perfect gift for you? money. 15. What’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen? scenery? idk.

16. What time of day is your favorite? night. 17. What kind of weather is your favorite? sunny without a cloud in the sky. warm in the sun, cool in the shade. 18. What is your favorite food? What is your least favorite food? sushi, ribs and hotdogs. my least fave is probably curry, even though there are some curries i do enjoy. 19. What is your favorite drink? (Coffee, Coke, Juice, Beer, Wine, etc.) root beer. 20. What’s your favorite Pokémon? Why? eevee only coz it’s cute. 21. Do you have any pets? Do you want any pets? What kind? yeah i have a dog named sky. 22. What do you find most relaxing? (Not as in stress relief, but as something that actually calms you down.) naps and massages. 23. What habit that others have annoys you most? coughing without covering their mouths. 24. What kind of things embarrass you? Why? anything that brings attention to myself. 25. What don’t you like about yourself? i laugh too loud. 26. How would you like to look? me but better haha.

Morality Questions 1. What one act in your past are you most ashamed of? What one act in your past are you most proud of? i’m not really ashamed of anything. i’m proud of graduating uni. 2. Have you ever been in an argument before? Over what, with who, and who won? plenty. usually with my boyfriend. no one wins or loses lol. 3. Have you ever been in a physical fight before? Over what, with who, and who won? nope. 5. What trait do you find most admirable, and how often do you find it? intelligence. i don’t find it that often these days. 6. What’s the worst thing that can be done to another person? Why? slow torture. 7. Are you a better leader or follower? Why do you think that? i prefer to be a leader but tbh i don’t know what that’s like either lol. 8. What is your responsibility to the world, if any? Why do you think that? tbh i have no idea. 9. Is it okay for you to cry? When was the last time you cried? hell yeah. idk maybe a couple days ago but just a tear.

[javerticade]

ExR Fic Recs

Here I am, posting my recs at the very end of the last day of fic rec week. Go me.

Without further ado, here are some of my favorite Enjoltaire fanfiction recommendations in no particular order!

Nondiscriminatory Hiring Practices (7851 words) by Raddtaire: Super fluffy coffeeshop AU with some sweet pining!jolras. I think this is the very first ExR fic I’ve ever read, and it’s like the Parks and Recreation or mac and cheese of fanfiction for me. It’s like a comfort food that always cheers me up. Highly recommended.

I Feel Alive (3246 words) by captainskellington: Enjolras goes to the same bar all the time, and Grantaire is the bartender. Delicious pining and misunderstandings ensue.

Friday I’m in Love (34598 words) by The Librarina: Wonderful fake dating AU. Enjolras is going home for spring break and needs a fake boyfriend to keep his parents from setting him up with people, and Grantaire agrees.

Wanderer (15596 words) by sonhoedesrazao: Busker AU. Enjolras meets Grantaire while visiting Prague and follows him around Europe. This fic is amazing and has beautiful descriptions of all the cities please read it oh my god

Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood (8037 words) by sonhoedesrazao: Oblivious!Grantaire tries to play matchmaker for Enjolras, who is quite confused about it. General fluff with silly, silly boys.

We Are Who We Are (29691 words) by sigh_no_more: You’ve Got Mail AU! Enjolras falls for an anonymous internet pen pal while also dealing with his insufferable coworker, Grantaire.

That’s How Easy Love Can Be (28886 words) by lady_ragnell: The Amis are teachers at an elementary school, and Principal Valjean proposes a “non-denominational anonymous holiday gift exchange”. Enjolras draws Grantaire’s name and takes it upon himself to spend more time with him in order to decide what to get him. Super cute and has ExR painting together!!! And dealing with little kids!!! Honestly what more could you want??

Date Night (9102 words) by samyazaz: Accidental relationship AU. Enjolras always comes over when Joly and Bossuet are on date night with Musichetta, and Grantaire can’t seem to figure out why.

9 Times Grantaire Asked Enjolras Out (+1 He Said Yes) (3343 words) by captainskellington: Title is pretty explanatory. Really cute n’ flirty, and just in time for Valentine’s Day!

bigger than we ever dreamed (13211 words) by slightlytookish: Enjolras is the former crown prince and needs a place to hide out until the media dies down after abdicating from the throne. Grantaire just happens to be available. Super domestic and fluffy.

A Picture Speaks A Thousand Words (25024 words) by BethXP: Grantaire and Courfeyrac are both pining, and they strike up a bet to see who will be kissed by their respective love interests first. (Also, Marius does not deserve this treatment from his friends.)

Sheer Dumb Luck (23002 words) by angryintrovert: Texting universe! Grantaire accidentally texts Enjolras after Courfeyrac messes up Grantaire’s contacts. Nothing but fluff and another one of my comfort food fics.

out of the woods (7328 words) by novembersmith: Grantaire really hates haunted houses, really likes Enjolras, and really wishes he weren’t stuck in a haunted house with only Enjolras to help him out. Warning for descriptions of minor injuries and blood.

I Don’t Want To Be Your Friend (9665 words) by waroftheposes: The 1975/One Direction AU. Enjolras is in a boy band, and he may have a huge crush on Grantaire, the lead singer of the indie band 1832.

Love goes towards love, as schoolboys from their books (92326 words) by GingerNinjaAbi: Absolutely incredible Hogwarts AU. Amazing slowburn relationship and achingly beautiful setting descriptions. This fic is like sweaters and tea on a brisk fall day.

Kittens and Cats and All Things Cute (21576 words) by thedarkandstormyknight: Enjolras receives a kitten for his birthday and Grantaire works at an animal shelter. So, so cute and fluffy(literally).

touching souls (5419 words) by nightswatch Based on this short film(which I highly recommend). High school AU. Enjolras is blind and quite smitten with Grantaire, who very much returns the sentiment. I love this fic so much it makes my heart melt every time.

[starryeyedhoe]

50-85

50: what's an odd thing you collect?I used to really like collecting bottles or like sodas or anything.... right now it's hats51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?"please be naked" the 197552: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?The Spotify playlist is killing me rn, 53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?Yes, YES, no, no.Loved RHPS but made me a lil uncomfy but I didn't care, HEATHERS IS MY FAV I AM RED HEATHER54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?This guy at dinner tonight. He's a coworker and I dunno why he was sad but he was. 55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point?Hunty, Im always dramatic 56: what are some things you find endearing in people?When they get excited and you can see it all over and when people are just genuinely happy. 57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?I ALWAYS DRAMATICALLY reenact them. I can't listen rn bc I'm watching UKS w my girlfriend 58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?Ummm I have too many to count?? 59: what's your favorite myth?Persephone but Hades is a girl n it's gay 60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?Ehhhh. I do but I don't wanna be pretentious...61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received?I gave a chapstick of fruit loops tasting chapstick bc it's a nickname of a friend. I've gotten a lot but I love them all62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?No but if I do it's orange 63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?IM FUSSY IN THAT IM PARTICULAR. Also nah, leave em be. 64: what color is the sky where you are right now?Dark dark blue65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with?@kryptobytes66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?Daisies n babies breath n sunflowers 67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?Mmmmmmm but only if I have someone to cuddle 68: what's winter like where you live?At school it's nice n warm but home is snowwww69: what are your favorite board games?Monopoly, Clue, Arkham Asylum 70: have you ever used a ouija board?Nope 71: what's your favorite kind of tea?Iced passion tea72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it?Yupppp73: what are some of your worst habits?Being human garbage 74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.silly and sarcastic and takes no shit n does things for me and is like my adopted sibling their family has adopted me n I was always at their house n just like my best friend 75: tell us about your pets!....no pets :(((76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't?Probably going over my binder for training but nahhh 77: pink or yellow lemonade?PINK LEMONADE YOU KNOW I KNOW BEHIND THAT SUGAR THERES ONLY LIES78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?hateclub 79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?thought I was with them bc they were half asleep and were missing me so kept being like "come back to bed" 80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?white. I didn't chose, I want something else. 81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.ummmmm treeees n reds and greens and browns but like rich deep browns of soil and pine scent and fires and the crackle of fires and the smell and soft flannel and freckles and warmth82: are/were you good in school?pfft no im a dumb dumb 83: what's some of your favorite album art?What A Girl Wants Motion Picture Soundtrack 84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?YES YES YES OK I WANT A CACTUS LIK YESTERDAY AND A SUNFLOWER AND OTHER FLOWERS AND FROM EDEN AND ONES FOR ME AND FUTURE WIFE AND AHHHH SO MANY85: do you read comics? what are your faves?I do not but I want to. I wanna read Wynonna Earp, Supergirl (any of them tbh), and like whatever someone gives me to read

[toomanyfandoms02]

An Immortals Heart

Hey I've returned with a new fic for Peter Parker! I'm gonna try and make this a long one. But this is just part 1. This takes place right after Homecoming.

Summary - An Immortal reader decides to move to NYC and go to Midtown High for a change.

Word Count - 1.7k

One of my fave troped that I don't see very often, an immortal falling for a mortal.

Ps - Shes an immortal that also had the powers similar to deadpool, so she's literally undying.

Living with the knowledge that you will never die was hard.

It was much harder than Y/n would ever care to admit. She wasn't one to complain very often, most knew that about her. Y/n just bottled up that pain of it until it burst in one of two ways.

One being snapping at whoever minorly inconvenienced her after a particularly hard day. The other being crying at the most minuscule trigger usually late at night in her bed.

Being immortal meant a lot of things. Things like 'Don't tell anyone, it will put you both in danger.' Or 'You must switch identities once every 25 years.' Or the one she most thought about 'You can't have meaningful relationships, you'll have to watch them die.'

It ate away at her like a hungry termite in a rotting house.

She had met tons of people in her lifetime, many of them so intriguing and unique. The ones she knew were completely one of a kind. That was kind of beautiful if you didn't think about the crushing feeling that you won't be with that person very long. Not long before you have to disappear. Not long until that person is among the sea of others you've abandoned.

With each move and name change, Y/n became more and more distant from people. She felt it made it easier on everyone, including her.

Which was a lie of course.

But right now was one of those times she absolutely had to have social interaction.

"16 you said?" The man across from her squinted suspiciously in her direction. "Most kids get fake IDs to get beer and stuff. What's the point of getting one so young?" The truth was that the actual age that Y/n had finished aging was 17. But she hadn't gone to high school in about 50 years and she kind of wanted to experience it again. There was a gifted school in the area too, she thought that it might do her some good.

"It's complicated, and really none of your business don't you think?" She tilted her head at the grizzly man, setting the money he asked for on the table. He shrugged and made the card for her, handing it to her with a smile.

"You have fun out there kid." He shooed her from his apartment and the door slammed shut behind her. And so she would.

Each time Y/n had to move around and change things up, she came up with a new backstory. And a new name of course. She stared down at her new ID along with her new name.

*Celeste A Dockery*

The 'A' being for Arabella. She had researched some European names and ran with it. So here was her backstory.

Celeste Arabella Dockery was born in the UK to her English mother Jaqueline Dockery and her American father James Dockery. It wasn't until she was 9 that her father left them. This prompted her mother to make a big change and move them to the US, believing it was better for them. (They also had a better health plan for her here. She was very ill.)

This was much different from her actual story, but it was one she tried not to dwell on much.

Y/n had picked up lots of dialects. So it wasn't going to be hard for her to have an American accent with a very small hint of British. Though to act as her mother on the phone, she would have a strong one.

She looked up the phone number for Midtown High and dialed it on her phone. A lady was quick to answer.

"Hi! This is Jenny from Midtown High speaking, how can I assist you." Y/n smiled as she prepared her extreme, but frail, British accent.

"Hello, Darling! I've just moved here with my daughter and was researching good schools and this school came up at the top." Y/n could hear a sigh at the other end.

"I'm sorry Ma'am but this is a gifted school, you can't enroll just anyone."

"So what, is there a test or something she needs to take so she can get enrolled?"

"W-Well there is a test yes but-"

"Great! When can she come in to take it?"

"Uh, I suppose I can set one up for tomorrow, does that work?" The receptionist sounded a bit flustered.

"That's perfect, what time?"

"10 am?"

"Lovely, she will see you tomorrow." And with that Y/n hung up the phone.

"Well, that was too easy." She laughed as she walked up the street, in search of her new apartment.

See, a 16-year-old ID card wasn't the only one she had. She also had a 19 year old one. She had two whole sets of new fake documents, that's just what she had to do every 20 years. She had booked this place a few weeks ago from her old home in California.

She had come up with the 20-year plan a long while ago. After the incident, she decided that no one would ever believe she was over 35 to 40. So she had to choose between the ages of 15 to 20. It had gotten her in trouble a few times. This led to having an early change one of those times.

It was nothing new though, even before she was immortal people had mistaken her for a younger age. Now she tried to dress older and style herself to fit the age.

Though it would never stop long-time coworkers from asking how she stayed looking so young.

But she was proud to say she had only told one person that she was undying. That person being her mother after everything had happened to her and sunken in.

The year was 1910 and Y/n had been staring at her wall for at least 3 hours. It couldn't be true right? It probably wasn't. The notion wasn't even in the realm of possibility. The so-called curse was just a silly myth her dad told her as a kid. Right?

Long ago in Athens Greece lived Y/n's great great great grandfather Alexander. Around the world, Gods were well known, and heroes for the most part, such as Thor. This also meant the ones who weren't heroes were worshipped and treated extravagantly by many.

Alexander didn't live the best life, often drowning in poverty. But he didn't mind that, as long as he had his love Zoe by his side. But Zoe had fallen ill, so he did what he did best, and he asked the goes for help. Zoe had always felt a pull to Athena, so he made sure to speak out to her the most.

Though Zoe just got sicker and sicker, no matter what he said to Athena. So one day he marched to the chapel in anger.

"I will not tolerate this disrespect!" He shouted into the nothingness. "I've been nothing but kind and well-meaning but you mean to take Zoe from me!" He stomped his foot harshly on the ground. A stunning silence fell over the room.

"Do you disrespect me?" He heard a piercing whisper through the room. But he was done and tired of the silence he held. For he had come here each day and asked for help and healing. Not only from Athena, but also from Asklepios, the God of healing.

"I do! My wife and I have done nothing but ask for help with no remorse! I even offered myself up to help heal her. She is the kindest soul I have ever come across and you will let her die!" His words spat like venom, this enraged Athena, she liked to be treated with respect.

"Some things are meant to be Alexander. I cannot change the fate you've been given, I can only assist in your fate." She tried to remain calm with him, to give him another chance to choose respect.

"No! You will do as I ask! I'm a loyal servant and you haven't come to my aid!" That was the last straw for Athena, she had given him another chance and he threw it in her face. She appeared in front of him, making him drop to his knees. A quiet plead fell from his lips.

"Since you've chosen to disrespect the gods, I think it's time I make a deal with you, though it's not one you will be able to refuse." He nodded his head vigorously at the offer. "You can have your darling Zoe healed and healthy, but I will curse the next born woman in your family with immortality." She held out her hand to him with a smile, which he grabbed graciously.

Her grip on his hand tightened as he took it. A white rope-like light wrapped around their hands. Alexander looked back up to Athena, noticing just how mischievous her smile looked now. He tried to pull his hand back but she wouldn't release him.

After a few seconds she let go of him and shooed him off to see his wife. You could imagine his devastation when he entered his home to find Zoe had passed in her sleep. Athena had lied along with cursing his family.

Y/n had felt not that long ago that she had stopped aging. It was just a feeling she got. She was supposedly 20 but she felt 17. She just knew somehow, I guess that was the point.

It would become apparent in later years that she had in fact, stopped aging. Her mother took it well, finally telling her once she reached 35 and hadn't changed one bit.

Y/n walked into her apartment and flipped down on the bed softly.

"10 am tomorrow? A little early but alright." She sat up and looked out her giant windows out to the city. This was the first change that she decided would be a fun and big one. Usually, she would move out to a country home with a small-town job and lay low until the next move. But she missed high school, and she had never lived in a big city before so why not? She decided this would be the next move about 9 years ago, and she began saving any and all extra money so she could afford it. Luckily she had a well-paying job back in California, one she would miss.

She kept herself occupied till nighttime by unpacking the rest of the house and making food. By the time she was done eating her extremely late dinner, it was 10:30 and she was exhausted. She layed down in her bed at 10:45 and was asleep within minutes.

[humanoid-lovers]

Great Recipes; Hilarious; Half-Naked Men My brother-in-law has been doing a lot of cooking lately, and my sister suggested I get him cooking related gifts for Christmas this year. I got him several cookbooks, this being one of them. This was a huge oversight on my part however, because I knew this book was bound to be funny (I mean come on, it's called "Fifty Shades of Chicken" and has a chicken all tied up on the front), but I did not realize how dirty most of the jokes would be/definitely geared more towards women. But my brother-in-law loved it, including how there were half-naked men modeling with the food in the book! All of the dishes have racy names and he went through every single page laughing and saying how much he loved it. Everyone also thought that my red and embarrassed face was perfect to go along with the gift! Go to Amazon

A delicate mix of the sexual and the culinary This was my purchase for the yearly White Elephant gift exchange with my fiance's family. They are a little more conservative than I am and this was the perfect amount of risque' and made for a great gag. The book is well put together, the images and recipes are great and it is cleverly written. It does a remarkable job of poking fun at both the flabby porn of Fifty Shades and the silly language of food porn. Go to Amazon

Great buy!!! Beautiful book. Pictures and quality of this book is gorgeous and the recipes are also unique. I almost want to buy one for myself (I got it for someone as a gift). I'm not a fifty shades gal but this is still awesome. Definitely a high quality yet fully functional gag gift. I mean I'm sure some middle aged ladies may take this very very seriously but this got quite a laugh as a birthday gift because it's just so wild! Lots of risque pictures like on the cover, many with a posed chicken and suggestive scantily clad man behind the counter in the background, various photos with twine and knives, and suggestive/outright sexual recipe names. I love that it isn't tacky and they didn't do a ton of basic/unnecessary recipes since quality time was spent on photos and names. Definitely several I wanted to page mark that sounded unique and delicious. Go to Amazon

REALLY GREAT GIFT! I bought this for one of my BFFs who was newly divorced and having a housewarming at her new digs. She LOVES to cook and I figured she probably already had this but I was in luck, she didn't and hadn't even seen it before. It was a HUGE HIT with her and all of our other friends who took turns giggling at all the naughty references. And the recipes are pretty decent, too! Go to Amazon

My mother-in-law loved this book My mother-in-law loved this book. She eats chicken all the time and does not deal with red meat often at all. This is a great book of interesting and tasty recipes. Great gift for someone with a sense of humor. Go to Amazon

Fifty Shakes of Chicken Great Yankee swap gift for work! Granted it all depends on what your coworkers are like, but the group I work with all have a great sense of humor and found it hysterical. Don't buy this book for the actual recipes in it, although you can make the recipes and eat them -rather buy the book for the humor and all of the word-play and have fun with it. Go to Amazon

Dripping Thighs?!? Extra Virgin Breasts?!? Yes Please!!! What can be said about this book?!? I picked up a copy for my Mother, my sister, and my aunt as a Christmas present. I believe all of them have read 50 Shades of Grey. Regardless if they have or haven't it should be worth a laugh at Christmas time, right?!? When the book arrived I just had to open it. Being a guy, I have not read the original book (not enough pictures for me) but my wife had (thank God) so I knew what the premise was. Boy did it have me rolling on the ground laughing. It is VERY well written. I read it to my wife, out loud, in the best Patrick Stewart voice I could muster. While I might not get all the "inside" jokes that people who followed the original picked up on, I can recognize good writing when I see it. This was VERY well done! The book is beautiful. Nice print, nice pictures, nice feeling to the pages and the binding. Just all around well printed book. I am the cook of our household being a former Sous chef. I have not made anything out if this book yet since the only copies I have are going to other people. But, yes I will admit, I have ordered a copy for myself to read, alone, by the fire for some "inspiration". It truly is food porn in the greatest way! Can I get one in the 50 Shades of Pork?!? This are some bad things that I want to do to some ham hocks!!! (I have seen the 50 shades of bacon but I don't think it is done to the same quality or by the same people based on the amazon preview I can look at) Go to Amazon

Hilarious Hilarious - great gift for those with a sense of humor. Written in the same style as the books but from the perspective of the chicken...seriously who comes up with this? Would love to have been a part of that brainstorming session as I would imagine it involved a great deal of wine and laughter. Go to Amazon

Birthday gift Book was a hit! Love this cookbook Sultry hens Not bad... Yummy ;) You need to get this book!! Tried a couple of the recipes they worked all right Tied up? Worth it

[billssefton]

coworker is too aggressive about enforcing rules, colleague selling free stuff from work, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My coworker is too aggressive about keeping our lab clean

My colleague, who is my peer, recently got a responsibility he treats very seriously. That responsibility is focused around improvement of tidyness of the laboratory with a focus of reducing the risk of contamination. These are serious issues that I completely support — they are not only important, they are essential. Unfortunately, since he got that responsibility I find him unbearable: he bombards the team with letters about the “lack of discipline”; he tells us we are “looking for excuses” and the effect of negligence on our front are “gross.” He decided to clamp down on some minor issues and he is very committed to that task (while he doesn’t listen to opinions on the major, related issues, like cleanliness of the floor). He told me off for the supposed “bad practice” in front of the junior staff, and his rhetoric is really intense and at the moment is causing me anxiety and makes me self-loathe and makes me hate coming to work.

I would like to tell him somehow to pipe down, as at the moment my constant stress because of his attitude makes me less focused and less productive. I personally have lots of years of experience and my work does not suffer from contamination problems. I really do not want to appear obstructive — I wish him all the best with the difficult task he is fighting — I just cannot stand the constant crusade of pointing (some but not the other) errors in our work.

I also know he has struggled for the last few years with his performance, and he is trying to prove himself in this new niche — but I am tired of his clumsy attempts to shine. I would appreciate if you can tell me how to tactfully tell him to calm down a bit.

“Dude, can you take this down a notch? Reducing contamination is important, but this is way too intense.”

Or, “Hey, I support your efforts in this area, but none of us want to be scolded like this. Can you think about a lighter-touch approach?”

If that doesn’t work, talk to his manager. I suspect he’s gone rogue here, and his manager would rein him back in.

2. Colleague selling free stuff he gets from work

I work in a library in a university. We get a fair few donations of books, some of which we don’t need (relevance, duplication, etc.). I circulate lists of disposals to other libraries locally, then whatever’s left on the shelf gets offered to staff in the building. There’s always a scramble, and there are a few who descend like locusts and snap up the choicest morsels every time. You snooze, you lose, all’s fair and so on.

However, a colleague has raised concerns that another colleague takes some of the nicer books, then sells them on Amazon, pocketing the profits. I’ve not yet found concrete evidence to confirm this, and won’t take any action until I can be sure, but something about this strikes me as a bit … morally dubious. I can see if you’ve got a huge collection, and you realize that maybe you no longer want a particular title that you picked up for free, you might offer it for sale, but I suspect this isn’t what he’s doing. Given what he routinely takes, I worry that it’s more like he’s systematically depriving everyone else of certain (usually expensive and limited print) books to line his own pockets.

I feel like I’d like to address it with him or his line manager, but that it’s not really within my remit. After all, when those books go on that shelf, they’re effectively there for the taking, whether you decide to read them, use them to prop up table legs or shred them to line your hamster cage. Why shouldn’t I begrudge him this additional source of income? (The only reason I don’t do it for the library is the time/effort involved.) But it doesn’t sit well with me. As I said, these are often the nicest books (RRP can be $50-$75 or even a lot more for some of them). Is there any action you think I can take? Or do I find another solution?

Yes! It’s reasonable to officially say, “We ask that you take these books for personal use only. These are not for resale.” You’re not offering them to people so they can make money off of them; you’re offering them because they might derive personal enjoyment from the books, and there’s something unseemly about him rushing to deprive his colleagues of books they might want to read so that he can turn a profit.

And if you do find evidence after that that he’s taking them for resale, then he’s breaking a clear rule and profiting off his access to library books in a way that wasn’t intended, and it’s fair game at that point to tell him the books are now off-limits to him. If you don’t have the authority to do that, you probably do have the authority to bring it to the attention of someone who does.

3. Employer wants my salary history — but I’ve already accepted their job offer

I recently received a great offer to a new company, and they came in at exactly what I asked for. After I accepted and signed the offer letter, they sent me a link to enter my information to complete the background check, but in the employment verification section, they asked for my salary at every job in the past 10 years … and it is a required field in the form! I was unable to enter “n/a” so I submitted a zero so that it was clear that I wasn’t lying, just declining to provide the information. I’m not hiding anything undesirable, I just don’t see any reason they would need this information for such a long period of my career, and find it strange to be asked this on a background check. I would be curious to hear any thoughts, drawbacks, or suggestions on how to handle something like this in the future.

That’s actually a good way to handle it. It’s clear that you didn’t actually earn zero dollars at every job, so you’re conveying that you’re declining to answer that question. And you should decline — it’s none of their business. You’ve already accepted an offer from them!

If they come back and ask for the numbers, you can say pleasantly, “Oh, I don’t give out that information — my employers have always considered that confidential.” If they push, then you can say, “I’m confused about why you’re asking for it. I’ve accepted your offer. Can you explain why you’re looking for this now?”

More advice on this here and here.

4. Can I keep the money if I win my office’s March Madness pool?

This may sound like a silly thing to worry about, but I’m weirdly anxious about winning my office’s March Madness pool! We are a small company (nine employees total) and I am one of two remote employees on the staff. Last week, I received an email inviting all staff to participate in a March Madness pool — $15 entry, winner-take-all. I love sports and competition, so I immediately jumped on this and returned my completed bracket.

Now, though, I’m wondering what would be expected of me in the off chance that I win. Is keeping the money in poor taste? Would it be better to donate the money in the company’s name (and let my coworkers know), or purchase something for their office? If I worked in the same physical location as my coworkers, I guess I could bring in a box of donuts or treat to happy hour or something, but I’m across the country and won’t see them in person until August. I’m not saying I think I have the gift of magical foresight or anything, or that I think my winning is likely (although the pool is small so odds aren’t terrible!) but I can’t even enjoy rooting for my picks right now because I’m fixated on this. How would you proceed if you were in my place and happened to win?

You get to keep the money. Really — it’s totally normal to do that, and it’s what most people do. The exception would be if your office has some sort of specific-to-them tradition of you doing something else with it (and you could ask a coworker who’s been there longer than if that’s the case, if you weren’t there for the last one and it’s been a long-running tradition). But most people just keep it.

5. My peer did an exit interview with one of my employees behind my back

One of my direct reports put in notice for a much higher paying job with better benefits. A VP from another department, my peer, called this employee for an exit interview. During the interview the VP, asked the employee about my leadership; if I was driving them out of the company; and if I was competent. This seems inappropriate, but what if any recourse do I have?

Is there any chance that the VP was asked to do this by someone higher up? There’s a chance that could happen, like if they’re concerned about potential problems in your department and thought the VP had particular rapport with the exiting employee. But otherwise, yes, that’s inappropriate and out of line. You could talk to the VP and say, “I’m confused about how you got involved with the exit interview for Jane — what happened there?” Or you could talk to whoever normally arranges exit interviews and say, “I was surprised to hear Fergus called Jane for an exit interview — and frankly concerned about why he would be involved in something in my department like that. Can you give me any insight into how that came about?”

You may also like:

my boss asks us to babysit a coworker with anxiety disorder

my manager delegates to the group rather than to a person

I’m gluten-free and missing out on awesome work food perks

coworker is too aggressive about enforcing rules, colleague selling free stuff from work, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

from Ask a Manager http://www.askamanager.org/2018/03/coworker-is-too-aggressive-about-enforcing-rules-colleague-selling-free-stuff-from-work-and-more.html

[humanoid-lovers]

Great Recipes; Hilarious; Half-Naked Men My brother-in-law has been doing a lot of cooking lately, and my sister suggested I get him cooking related gifts for Christmas this year. I got him several cookbooks, this being one of them. This was a huge oversight on my part however, because I knew this book was bound to be funny (I mean come on, it's called "Fifty Shades of Chicken" and has a chicken all tied up on the front), but I did not realize how dirty most of the jokes would be/definitely geared more towards women. But my brother-in-law loved it, including how there were half-naked men modeling with the food in the book! All of the dishes have racy names and he went through every single page laughing and saying how much he loved it. Everyone also thought that my red and embarrassed face was perfect to go along with the gift! Go to Amazon

A delicate mix of the sexual and the culinary This was my purchase for the yearly White Elephant gift exchange with my fiance's family. They are a little more conservative than I am and this was the perfect amount of risque' and made for a great gag. The book is well put together, the images and recipes are great and it is cleverly written. It does a remarkable job of poking fun at both the flabby porn of Fifty Shades and the silly language of food porn. Go to Amazon

My mother-in-law loved this book My mother-in-law loved this book. She eats chicken all the time and does not deal with red meat often at all. This is a great book of interesting and tasty recipes. Great gift for someone with a sense of humor. Go to Amazon

Dripping Thighs?!? Extra Virgin Breasts?!? Yes Please!!! What can be said about this book?!? I picked up a copy for my Mother, my sister, and my aunt as a Christmas present. I believe all of them have read 50 Shades of Grey. Regardless if they have or haven't it should be worth a laugh at Christmas time, right?!? When the book arrived I just had to open it. Being a guy, I have not read the original book (not enough pictures for me) but my wife had (thank God) so I knew what the premise was. Boy did it have me rolling on the ground laughing. It is VERY well written. I read it to my wife, out loud, in the best Patrick Stewart voice I could muster. While I might not get all the "inside" jokes that people who followed the original picked up on, I can recognize good writing when I see it. This was VERY well done! The book is beautiful. Nice print, nice pictures, nice feeling to the pages and the binding. Just all around well printed book. I am the cook of our household being a former Sous chef. I have not made anything out if this book yet since the only copies I have are going to other people. But, yes I will admit, I have ordered a copy for myself to read, alone, by the fire for some "inspiration". It truly is food porn in the greatest way! Can I get one in the 50 Shades of Pork?!? This are some bad things that I want to do to some ham hocks!!! (I have seen the 50 shades of bacon but I don't think it is done to the same quality or by the same people based on the amazon preview I can look at) Go to Amazon

Fifty Shakes of Chicken Great Yankee swap gift for work! Granted it all depends on what your coworkers are like, but the group I work with all have a great sense of humor and found it hysterical. Don't buy this book for the actual recipes in it, although you can make the recipes and eat them -rather buy the book for the humor and all of the word-play and have fun with it. Go to Amazon

REALLY GREAT GIFT! I bought this for one of my BFFs who was newly divorced and having a housewarming at her new digs. She LOVES to cook and I figured she probably already had this but I was in luck, she didn't and hadn't even seen it before. It was a HUGE HIT with her and all of our other friends who took turns giggling at all the naughty references. And the recipes are pretty decent, too! Go to Amazon

Hilarious Hilarious - great gift for those with a sense of humor. Written in the same style as the books but from the perspective of the chicken...seriously who comes up with this? Would love to have been a part of that brainstorming session as I would imagine it involved a great deal of wine and laughter. Go to Amazon

Funny and Practical I bought this for a Christmas gift exchange. I purchased it mostly because it would be a funny gift, but after looking through it I saw the recipes look delicious. This would be a great gift for any fan of 50 Shades that also likes to cook. The pictures do include half naked men, so this isn't a present for grandma. Go to Amazon

Five Stars Five Stars Party hit! This is such a funny gift for a mom or girlfriend Fifty Shades of Chicken...get excited to be in the kitchen! Five Stars Dirty BIRD It was pretty hilarious! Five Stars Loved it so much I bought another one for my ...