#it's so frustrating when stuff like this happens
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angevinyaoiz · 9 hours ago
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Was compelled by these tags but I wanted to put my personal analysis here! Trying to keep it strictly based on the events of the movie and not on pure speculation or external historical stuff, bc I think they do a LOT of interesting things in this short scene and what it implies about the Richard and Philip and Henry (and Louis) relationship dynamics.
I think because this happened right after his back and forth with Henry where Philip felt like he was getting somewhere until Henry did his whole smug ass "Haha I win I squeezed all the information out of you ;D goodnight!" It made him jump out of his more calculated "facts and logic" mode and into a more deeper sense of his burning resentment and inferiority complex, hence the whole "you made my father nothing...and then you made him love you for it" speech. Love is kind of established as a sign of weakness and submission, even if in this case it's not in a romantic context. Louis is a "loving man" who (in the world of TLIW) gets taken advantage of by Pushy men like Henry and Philip is frustrated with that weakness. And so when Henry smugly reveals he was just probing Philip for info, Philip feels like he is "losing" and being demeaned again and so decides to pull out his secret weapon.....His Super Special Scandalous Information jfjdif to throw more fuel on the fire.
Course the main thing is Henry isn't even that scandalized like you said ("Richard finds his way into so many legends, let's hear yours" and in the play after the telling he's just like "I've heard better" lmfao...3 out of 5 stars. Also let's not forget he's also a boydiddler too from his speech to Alais in the opening scene. The royal corkscrew is NOT easily shocked!!). Philip is playing an interesting paradox where he's basically framing Richard as the Older Predatory type taking advantage of him, but also Richard is simultaneously Pathetic and weak at the same time for caring so much about not just sex presumably but wanting to be loved and desired. Philip also casts himself as the Victim in this scenario, as the younger, innocent and un-desiring party, but also positions himself as being the strong-willed clear-headed one where it's like "yes I succumbed ...but NOT because I was too Weak to Resist or out of Fear but because it was my Genius Long Game Plan All Along."
Why does he do this??? I would say like earlier, it was kind of his last card to play in their battle of wills, and allowed him to feel like he had a one-up on Henry after Henry had been smugly putting him down the whole day. I feel the purpose of this is similar to Eleanor's outburst about fucking Henry's father later in the film. Where it really doesn't do anything helpful for her, since he just leaves to do his thing. but in the moment is an emotional weapon that she knows will hurt him. Also there's something fun and cathartic about both Philip and Eleanor's outbursts where after a long day of conniving they really relish in talking about Being Bad in a more straightforward way. For Philip it does end up being helpful in that it sets the ball rolling to reveal all the sonbetrayals in the room and gets the feelings all heightened and sows distrust amongst the family.
Also, to get a bit more speculative, but still basing strictly off what is in the earlier scenes: in the end we don't know the truth of what happened between him and Richard in the forest during the event that he recounted, or what his true feelings are. I personally feel what is implied from his earlier interactions with Richard is that there was a sincere emotional connection, and that they did both miss each other during their time apart. There's implied also a little frustration on Philip's part over Richard not keeping contact and maintaining their friendship after the marriage. But also I sort of interpret it as he wanted to reframe the story in his mind as well, maybe to himself, in a way where he comes out of it feeling like he had control over the situation, especially if their encounters were really as dubiously consensual as he implies it as being. If he did love Richard at some point, that would mean he was the one being "weak" like his father, and so to be strong and be a man and respected ruler ("No man's boy" as he keeps Insisting Very Hard in public the whole movie), he can't afford to indulge in affection the same way. The sexual element just adds another layer that, viewing both from the medieval and 1960s homophobia POV, is already assumed to be deviant and something to distance one's self from. If having the affair with Richard was only A Genius Plan to Sabotage Henry all along, with only Disgust and No Real Feelings of Affection Ever, then he can manage to wiggle out of being implicated or having any responsibility for Sodomybehaviors while pinning all the shame onto Richard (and by extension, Henry.)
So the motivation I can see as being a mix of being mad at the history of Henry overpowering his father and belittling him, being conflicted with Richard for either 1) taking advantage of him back then or 2) having had maybe for real a pleasant affair but getting ghosted 3) most likely a mix of the two. Whatever the case, his main goal was to destabilize Henry and it fit into that goal, so he just poured some extra oil on the fire I guess XD
*in some ways, it's a very 60s homophobia more than a medieval kind, since I feel in early and medieval era there's nothing that would feel off about intense emotional, borderline romantic love between men if expressed in specific socially approved venues. but in modern times even emotional affection is an expression of weakness and timidity, or if a sign of a separate lesser identity being revealed, as how it is portrayed in this movie. The sexual element as deviant is important to the luridity but the part Philip emphasizes as particularly shameful is the vulnerability of asking for love from a man and wanting it returned.
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a king like you has policy prepared on everything. well, what’s the official line on sodomy? how stands the crown on boys who do with boys?
THE LION IN WINTER 1968 | dir. anthony harvey
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b-lossm · 2 days ago
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•*+Jonny+*•
Cait x reader [Anget->fluff]
Synopsis: She always said you where above the girls she snuck into her room, then why wont she put a label on the two of you?
ooc Cait i think but like I didnt know how to finish this
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"God I'm loosing my mind" you mumble to yourself as you prime a canvas, for a date night that might not even happen. 'what's the point' you think while putting your stuff away, you planned a nice date night for you and Cait, but now your just questioning if she even loves you like you assume she does, I mean- actions do speak louder then words.. right?
When Caitlyn eventually arrives, coming in through your window because due to her status, nobody really knows about your 'relationship'- well your dog knows but he doesnt count.
"Hey Princess" she hugs and kisses you softly, hiding something behind her back "Hey Cait.." you say awkwardly, mind still dwelling on how she might not love you "Oh Princess? what's wrong?" she places your surprise down on your bed and hugs you comfortingly. Your lip starts to quiver "I-- I feel like m' crazy because" you hesitate, she rubs your back and traces shapes into your side "hey you can tell me anything you know me.." Cait leads you to her bed and continues to comfort you, whispering sweet nothings into your ear "Caitlyn do you really love me?" you whisper, nervous--obviously her breath hitches “P—please let me figure it out” you tear up and she lays with you on your bed “Princess why would you ask me that? Of course I love you” you look away from her “Then why don't I feel it?” she struggles to answer you "y/n you know its hard for m--" "yeah well its hard for me too Cait! You have to tell her!" you argue before she can even start on her spiel again "Caitlyn she probably will disapprove but she'd put up with it! She literally has all this time! She's walked in on us cuddling so many times Cait! It is so painfully obvious that you like girls! or at least me.." you quiet down after a little bit, breathing heavily out of frustration and sadness.
Cait stays silent, she knows your right, she knows that her mother will.. reluctantly love her still, but she just doesn't understand why she cant just tell her mom outright, she always just thought that her parents would get the hint and not bother her about it but she was scared, she knew they didn't care as long as she carried out the Kiramman bloodline but she was scared that they would force her to leave you--force you out of her life. She sighs "I know I do okay? Just because I haven't doesn't mean I don't love you--" "you love me..?" she sees even more tears welling up in your eyes moving to wipe them before they can even fall "why would I not?" you feel gentle kisses being pressed all over your face, as well as Cait mumbling 'perfect' over and over again
with a huff you pull away "Cait, who was it that said a white wall may seem empty" you take a breath and Cait plays with your hair "But its ready to be filler, and in its readiness needs nothing, it stands complete" you finish "hm.. whoever it was is right, just because something seems empty doesn't mean its not complete" you giggle at her cluelessness "It was you Cait.. you told me that strange poem but it makes me wonder, if your ready, ready to be happy with me" you look into her eyes, her pupils dilated as she stares back with love "I'm ready Princess,..." without hesitation you push your soft lips against hers, your strawberry chap stick mixing with her vanilla "tomorrow, I promise I'll do it tomorrow" she says a bit breathlessly as she lets go of the kiss "Pinky promise" you childishly stick your pinky finger to her and she intertwines the two and locks it in with your thumbs touching, she then kisses your hand "Pinky promise"
--
The very next day, Cait fulfilled her promise and snuck you into her house, she wanted you to officially meet her parents, as her girlfriend :)
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Guys i miss arcane :(
but omg the caitvi sesbian lex was so goooddd, expect 18+ hcs coming soon, theyre probably gonna come out before the change series ends tbh sorrry :(((
🐮 👦🏾soon.......
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gayferrari · 2 days ago
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okay i am coming to you as carlos fan who loves charles to my core (he is my soul sister!!!) but only ever roots for him for ferrari reasons, trying to see this from charles fans pov how is anything that happened tonight carlos’s fault and not just ferrari’s fault… like i try to be critical and i love to shit on carlos when he is stupid (bc he is stupid a lot) (for example spain24 i fear i am not on his side there) but ferrari fucked carlos over so bad today with his pit stop like i truly believe the thing that happened with charles was more of a fuck you to ferrari and not anything to do with charles at all so like i get why charles fans are upset but… i don’t know again would like to hear your thoughts on tonight
DISCLAIMER VIEWS MY OWN (as in. I don't speak for all Charles fans and probably not even a majority of them about this. and I enjoy it when athletes are petty and angry and grudgy and let out their ugly sides)
my first takeaway is that it's truly not that deep. Like, yeah, it's race day emotions are running high but so are the emotions of the guys in those cars. they're gonna get out of the car, calm down, shower, go on with their lives, and not think half as hard about this stuff as fans do, and some fans will remain upset for far longer than their blorbos will ever remember this. I think it is good to keep in mind before getting worked up
what happened: [regardless of garage 55 brainfart moment] Charles was ahead before the pit stops. At the pit exit, Bryan told Charles that Carlos had been told not to fight him and he should just focus on tyre temp instead of defending; Carlos went ahead and overtook him anyway. (That's when Charles said "Next time tell him in Spanish") Later, when Max was right behind Carlos and Charles was trying to overtake Max, Carlos was really slow. Like, there's speculation on reddit that he was feeding Max DRS <- not saying it happened (WE will never know) BUT he was slow enough that other people went "Wait this is weird," and his frustrated teammate would have noticed. If EYE was fighting for the wcc and I even suspected my teammate put someone else between the two of us (costing the team points) to protect his individual race, I would also go off about it. Regardless of whether it's true. Again! Not saying this is what happened and we will never know, but earlier in the race Carlos was definitely told not to overtake, and did it, and between the two of them he's the one with a history of ignoring team orders.
EYE (tumblr user gayferrari) have my own opinions. nuance button. I don't think you should get a gold star for being a "good teammate" or that following team orders is always the right thing. But CHARLES clearly values it, and in the past he's actually put his money where his mouth is and pulled his weight even when it cost him individual points, and I can understand he'd go on a heated tirade for 4 seconds when he's high on adrenaline. I don't think any of this should be a big tell about Charles's personality, team dynamics, his relationship with Carlos or whatever. I think he just spoke without a filter for a couple seconds, and I believe in taking these kinds of radio moments with a big pinch of salt. I'm gonna RPFy the shit out of this because I am on f1blr to have fun not to get angry. But I don't agree Charles was mad at the team, it was a very much "other side of the garage" kinda moment.
(*) note also that Carlos was told to swap with Charles earlier and DID do that, but after a few laps / because he was struggling with pace + very early on, when Charles dropped P2 -> P4, he was the one who spontaneously brought up letting Carlos pass because he knew he was struggling. So they both had moments where they were collaborating this race. I'm bringing this up for completion's sake, like, yeah Carlos swapped when asked even if late! But he also overtook when told not to
I hope this clears it up! Again, it's MY view that it's not that serious because we all choose how to enjoy sports and I'd much rather get angry about other things I feel matter more, and leave the petty drama as RPF fodder. But everyone enjoys sports differently so I can't speak for others
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idontlikeem · 2 days ago
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hi! i'd like to talk about losing. you don't have to read this if you don't want to, but i wanted to write it, and guess what, it's my blog. i just like this team a lot and i'm feeling a little maudlin about my guys and a little sick to fucking death of the shit i'm seeing all over kingdom come from 'fans'. so here we are.
So You Became A Fan Of A Living Legend But The Hockey Team Is Bad: a commentary.
look. this is not the most fun i've ever had watching hockey, and i'm quite sure a lot of people feel the same way. the penguins are bad this season! they were bad last season too, but there's something very special about the extent to which they are shit right now. and those are not fun games to watch.
but here's the thing: who cares.
like, idk. there's so much god damn negativity surrounding this team and its performance right now, and i'm guilty of contributing to it as well, because yeah of course i'd rather watch a team win in decisive fashion most nights. of course i'd rather dream about may and june and the stanley cup. of course i want to watch that happen again for my favorite players. like, duh.
but. it's probably not going to. not if these players get what they want, which is to play together on this team until they're ready to retire.
and you know what? that's fine. if they're fine with it, who on earth am i to not be?
i think we all have the same reaction when we see idiots online saying things like 'sid doesn't deserve this trade him to a contender'. and that's because we are smarter and more refined fans who understand that what sidney crosby DESERVES is to select how and where and when his career ends. is it on a team that sucks? then that means being here is more important to him than getting that fourth cup. staying with geno and kris and the penguins as a whole, never putting on another NHL logo, is more significant to him personally than another victory. and isn't that special? isn't that worth celebrating?
of course we know all of that because we're better at being fans than the uncles online who are writing weird fanfic in their heads. but. guess what that comes with:
losing.
and losing badly, in the case of this season.
i am here to tell you that sitting and bitching about it helps no one. right now, what we have to watch and celebrate is our favorite players still playing at a high level. they're still doing cool stuff on the ice. and they're doing it TOGETHER. this is what they wanted. so your options are either to hate it and sit in negativity about it each and every game, OR readjust your mindset and learn to enjoy what we have while we have it.
we are watching myth-making happen live. we are watching living legends play hockey. this is a privilege and an honor and it's not something most fanbases get EVER. and we have two! can you believe it?
there are things i would have rather seen done differently over the last couple of years. as far back as 2019 there were moves i disagreed with and changes that could have been made that perhaps could have extended their window. and of course the 2022 series against the rangers, that was a very good team that got hit by injuries at the absolute worst possible time, and probably that was their last chance as a core to compete. it's frustrating to watch that stuff happen when you have no control over it.
the pittsburgh penguins were high-end competitors and contenders for seventeen years straight. that's insane and unheard of in this league. they're not anymore. and the price you pay for almost two decades of dominance is...being bad. when you're competing you trade prospects and draft picks for win-now players. sometimes those work out, most of the time they don't. with the amount of winning this team has done, even the trades that didn't work were worth it, because it meant they were trying.
there are no fanbases who are going to feel bad for penguins fans right now. that's also why we're getting so much attention from the national media. people aren't used to this team being as bad as it is, and people like watching downfalls. that's fine. most of those fans have never watched their team win, and most of them never will. so if their joy is coming from sidney crosby's team being bad....well, love and light, you know?
and we shouldn't feel bad for ourselves either. this is what happens. this is how it goes. this is the price for the band staying together.
i dunno, guys. this is a disjointed rant. it's just so effing hard to be kicked in the nuts everywhere you go with unrelenting negativity. it's on twitter it's in the articles and yes, it's here too. but if you can't be a fan of a team when they're bad, then i'm sorry but you're not a fan of the team (or certain players), you're a fan of winning. and NO team wins all the time every year. that's not how sports work.
we are lucky. at least, i feel lucky! don't you? gosh, sidney crosby scored his 600th career goal tonight. evgeni malkin is over 500 goals on his career. can you believe that? it's amazing to watch.
and it's going to be over in less than two years. do we really want to waste it by wishcasting something that's not going to happen instead of enjoying what we DO have?
if the media bums you out, don't listen. don't read the articles. don't go on twitter. dry your tears on the stanley cup banners that sid and geno hung up—there are three to choose from!
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nowimjustastranger · 1 day ago
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Just a little gift for my friend @aphelion-z
FiddleStan is hinted at, but it's more just flirty behavior than anything.
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Fiddleford wordlessly took the wrench that Stanford handed off to him, tightening the bolts on the first side of the triangular shape that they had been building for the better part of a month. Delicate work, this dimensional travel stuff. Fiddleford paused when he saw the red light above the intercom light up a moment before a familiar voice filtered through the speaker.
“Crawl on outta your dark hole, nerds. Grub’s done.” Stan drawled, the intercom deactivating with a quiet click, companionable silence once again descending over the sub-basement lab. Fiddleford glanced at Stanford, brows furrowing when he noted that the man hadn’t moved from his workstation, preoccupied with scrutinizing the blueprints and equations.
Fiddleford put his tools and welding gear away, content to simply watch how this all unfolded. In all honesty, pretty much everyone that was involved with the brothers wanted to know how exactly Stan wrangled his workaholic brother into a functional human being. Fiddleford had always wanted to witness the sway that Stan held over his brother, and now was the perfect opportunity.
He only had to wait five minutes before the intercom light turned on again.
“If I gotta come down there, you two dumbass geniuses better be dead or dyin’.” Stan huffed, sounding just a little put out. If they were to emerge from the sub-levels now, Fiddleford had no doubt that Stan would simply laugh off their delay, eagerly guiding them both to the dining room to eat with everyone. Fiddleford was actually quite fond of the house rule that dictated the whole family eat dinner together when schedules aligned, which happened more often than not.
Fiddleford looked from Stanford’s back to the intercom as the lab was suddenly bathed in red light for a third time not even a minute later.
“Did you two forget you have fingers or somethin’? All you gotta do is hold down the big red button an’ talk.” Stan scowled, genuine frustration bleeding into his tone. Fiddleford watched Stanford’s posture stiffen, his head tilting to spare a contemplative glance at the control panel that Stan was referring to, before he visibly brushed it off and continued working.
When the silence stretched on, Fiddleford eyed the control panel as he wrung his hands together. Sure, he wanted to know the intricacies of their complex dynamic, but never at the expense of the boys. If he did some damage control now by responding to Stan, then maybe Stanford would only get a heated scolding instead of the cold shoulder.
“Hard way it i–” Stan’s annoyed declaration was drowned out by a loud screech that was immediately followed by a commotion. Fiddleford’s blood turned to ice, his heart lurching into his throat when Stan’s panicked voice rang out over the absolute chaos happening on the other end of the intercom. “–shit! Fuck! Stanford!”
Stanford was a blur of movement, his gun drawn and face thunderous as he took the stairs up to the ground floor two at a time. Fiddleford was only a second or so behind him after finally forcing his legs to stop being useless and move, scrambling after Stanford after snatching his shotgun. It sounded like something had attacked Stan, but whatever it was would’ve had to come from the display room since the Shack was surrounded by a forcefield.
Stanford made for Stan as soon as he erupted from the stairwell, Fiddleford actually taking the time to look for the threat instead of rushing in. Though he wasn’t all that phased, he knew that Stanford was incredibly reckless when it came to his brother. And may God have mercy on anyone who laid hands on Stan Pines because his family sure as hell wouldn’t; Fiddleford included, and he wasn’t a violent man by nature.
When Fiddleford deemed –to his utter bewilderment– there was no rampaging anomaly to put down, he turned his attention to the boys, his brows shooting up in disbelief when he found Stan casually leaning against the wall, his arms crossed and looking profoundly unimpressed with the both of them. It was unfairly effective.
“What, I gotta be in danger for you to give me some attention now, Sixer?” Stan scoffed, swatting at Stanford’s hands when his brother tried to assess him for injuries. From where Fiddleford was standing, he looked more or less unharmed, just pissed off. “We talked about this, you eat with the family for one meal a day. Just one. You can damn well manage that much.”
“Stanley, you know how important my work is–” Stanford began and Fiddleford winced as Stan’s expression darkened, his mouth set in an angry slant as he cut in.
“More important than me?” Stan challenged, holding eye contact. Stanford’s mouth snapped shut with an audible click before he vigorously shook his head, frantically seizing Stan’s hands and giving them a gentle squeeze that had the stiff line of Stan’s broad shoulders easing. Fiddleford filed the interaction away to dissect later, also noting that Stan liked physical contact when he was feeling insecure.
“No, Lee. Never.” Stanford stated with unwavering conviction, the two gravitating toward each other like magnets to tenderly tap their foreheads together. Stan’s eyes fluttered closed as he melted into the touch, Stanford heaving a relieved breath as his hands slid up his brother’s arms to cradle Stan’s freshly shaven face.
“Then could you just please put in a little more effort here, Sixer?” Stan sighed, his eyes opening to fixate on Stanford’s face, searching for something. And he must’ve found it because his face broke out into a blinding smile, his arms coming around Ford’s back to crush him with an enthusiastic hug, forcing a grunt out of the man.
“Of course.” Stanford wheezed, his own arms limply hanging from Stan’s shoulders, the two of them pressed chest to chest and cheek to cheek. “Whatever you need from me, it’s yours.”
“What I need is to sit down and eat. I’m starvin’.” Stan mused, running a hand through Stanford’s disheveled hair after releasing him from the brief but heartfelt embrace, Stanford looking supremely displeased but allowing it all the same.
“What did you prepare?” Stanford grumbled, not even bothering to try and straighten out the utter mess that his hair had become. Without product Stanford's hair was hopeless anyway, refusing to cooperate without something to hold the fluffy locks in place.
“Threw together a lasagne.” Stan said with a dismissive shrug, pressing a hand to the small of Ford’s back to guide him down the hallway. Fiddleford followed behind the brothers, content to observe the pair. Fiddleford was usually around Stanford when it came to work, so he rarely got to see the man so relaxed. Stanford rarely allowed physical contact, and initiated it himself even less.
Stan glanced at Fiddleford from over his shoulder, offering Fiddleford a charming smile and flirtatious wink that had him feeling a little hot under the collar, his cheeks warming with a telltale blush. Emma-May and Stan always had a field day flustering him, the two often ganging up on him until he felt lightheaded with how much blood rushed to his face and… other places that didn't bear mentioning.
“Your wording doesn't inspire any confidence in the dish.” Stanford hummed, though he didn’t actually seem all that worried. Fiddleford had a sneaking suspicion that Stanford would eat fried rocks as long as it was Stan who put them in front of him; Stanford had absurdly low standards when it came to food.
“Hey Sixer, pretty sure it's my turn to sit next to your lab partner. You've been hogging him.” Stan drawled, his expression positively wolfish as his eyes roamed up and down Fiddleford’s body in a slow drag that was almost tangible. “And I'm sure Fidds would appreciate a normal conversation for once. All that science babble makes my head hurt.”
“I resent the implication that I can’t talk about anything other than work.” Stanford retorted without missing a beat, leveling Stan’s smug grin with a hilariously petulant frown. Fiddleford hid his snicker with a well placed cough, which managed to fool Ford –the socially challenged recluse– but Stan was another matter entirely.
“You can?” Fiddleford tentatively piped in and Stan burst into boisterous laughter that felt like a reward in and of itself, the man practically clinging to a visibly offended Stanford to hold himself up. Fortunately for Stan, Stanford didn't try to shake him off, even as he gave both of them a nasty look. Stanford couldn't hold on to his anger though, his expression melting into something soft and fond as he watched his brother laugh until he was very nearly crying.
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astyrra · 3 days ago
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what i think the p4 characters do post-canon:
-they all do shadow ops stuff when needed
-yu went to university to study forensics, but got increasingly frustrated with the pro-cop/getting convictions over finding the truth attitudes there. he ended up switching to investigative journalism when he was Asked To Leave forensics after getting in one too many arguments
-yosuke probably did some kind of business study thing; he’s def planning to take over junes from his dad. he’s getting interested in like, town planning, local economy stuff, bc he wants to support inaba. also acts as teddie’s manager/agent sometimes
-teddie is still junes’ mascot lol. has also been scouted for minor modeling/acting roles. yosuke and rise make sure he isn’t being taken advantage of
-chie went to cop school but probably also ran into issues of actually wanting to find the truth, and arguing with authority about that. she also realised that people who become cops bc they want to beat up bad guys are not really the type of person she wants to be. probably currently a cop in inaba, but considering a career change?
-yukiko is running amagi inn. she did a remote business degree, and now spends her free time taking any short course/training/online thing that takes her interest. she has SO MANY random ass skills now.
-kanji has somehow ended up in charge of a whole community arts thing in inaba. he doesn’t know how it happened, he was just teaching a few people how to make cute plushies and now he’s running or managing multiple weekly classes and has city funding. also still helps at the textile shop
-rise has transitioned her idol career into a solo musician career
-naoto is a private detective obviously. has regular work doing background checks for the kirijo group, so they don’t accidentally hire any more mad scientists/evil cultists
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pidgeon-queen · 2 days ago
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So I'm rewashing Arcane season 1 before going through season 2, and I want to point out and explore some questions that don't excuse the characters actions, but might reveal their logic. I also want to explore who is to blame for everything wrong. I have seen clips and spoilers for season 2, act 1 and 2, but i am holding off on seeing act 3 spoilers until I actually watch it. It means I can't doomscroll Tumblr until after I catch up tomorrow.
I definitely won't be right, and I'm not psychologist, but i just want to explore.
Season 1
Episode 1
Starting off with the beginning, Vi and Powder see their dead parents and all the violence the enforcers inflicted. Powder comforts Vi over her distress, but outside of Vander taking them away, we don't see Powder get comfort over the same loss. Season 2 gives more information on Powders relationship with her parents, but we are not talking about that now.
Milo takes a lot of flack from the others. I assume out of the four, he is the second youngest and doesn't have as much physical strength as Vi or Clagger. He tries to be stealthy when Vi brute forces her way through a door, and it looks like Vi takes her frustrations out on him instead of directing it at Powder. He is insecure about his skills and Vander has to reassure him later. I think Vi is part of the reason he is insecure because she takes her anger out on him.
The crystals that blow up the penthouse is the only reason the group run through sewers and into the group of guys resulting in a fist fight. I do believe if they never blew up the balcony and got chased, there would not have been a reason to go through the alley. I am curious if Silco would have still found the guy and made an offer later on if there was never the altercation.
Ekko and his tip: Ekko mention Jayce buying stuff only kept for display, and i think it is implied to be magic/arcane relics. Benzo is smart, so i don't think he would sell the crystals seeing how volatile they are with just sitting in the open. It's too dangerous for both pilties and those from Zaun to have access to buy or steal. This leads me to one firm belief, everything that happens is Jayce's fault. The arcane are seen as contraband from what I can tell, and who gave it to him?
Without the crystals, the penthouse wouldn't have blown up, th kids probably wouldn't have been caught, enforcers wouldn't have gone to the lanes, Marcus probably wouldn't have met with Silco, and Silco's timeline wouldn't have changed. Who knows what this change would have done, but it definitely would have been different.
Episode 2
If Jayce had something he wasn't supposed to, even if he trusted Caitlyn, her mother is on the council and she has to have some rules she doesn't break. Why were the crystals sitting in the open and not secured away? Or even hidden? I'm in college and room checks are a thing, as a student they probably checked his studies for any restricted research.
In his memory, the arcane crystals he sees/is given looks a lot smaller than what he was holding and uses in the future. He knew the strength of something so small, why did he try studying with something bigger and riskier.
Heimendinger mentions how the arcane can't be controlled, so i am curious if it is taught at all, or if Jayce had his interest only on a past experience.
I do wonder if Marcus intentionally went too far with hunting the people. What violence was done is just instigation with the adults.
Mel is the richest person in Piltover and later we see corruption with some of the council, and i think she has corruption. She offers child's toy to a counselor and claims it is a difficult puzzle. She is a tactile thinker and as well later learn her backstory, I think she runs Piltover in what she believes is the opposite, but also better way than where she is from. Little violence is better than war, and she picks and chooses her actions and what she believes to be the right course to better Piltover. I am curious as to what she believes about Zaun before Silco's takeover later in the season.
Heimerdinger might be the only non corrupt counselor and has focus on education and helping the minds of the youth, though his focus is still on Piltover and being part of the council, his experiments and work takes a hack burner. I don't know if he is a professor or just a Dean of the school Jayce studies in, but he is out of touch with the people, and Jayce takes advantage of this later on.
Silco is charismatic and has some true facts. "There's a monster in us all." It depends on if it is fed or starved. He is good at feeding the monsters.
Mel and heimerdinger are noticeably silent about sending more enforcers to Zaun and enacting violence compared to other councelors. Kiramman wasn't even there, but I do wonder if she would have stayed silent too. Bolbok's comment was interesting as he already seen is race nearly wiped out, and there is no proof that the kids took anything dangerous. Jayce doesn't mention it which is also suspicious.
How cruel is Jayce for about to kill himself in the middle of the scholars district for all of the people to see in the morning.
Nobody really talks about it from what I have seen, but Victor is the instigator in Jayce building hextech. Yes, he saved Jayce, but look at the damage he causes later on. Was it really worth it? Stopping Jayce was enough, why did you have to risk more by breaking into get his research.
Episode 3
Did Marcus tell Silco where to go? Or was Silco following them from the shadows? Why didn't he go to the last drop first? He could have killed the kids first, then make Vander suffer.
Poor Ekko. He watched his father figure get brutally murdered, probably saw the enforcers get murdered too. Why did Vi leave him alone. She saw her parents dead body, she probably could imagine seeing them be murdered. What made her think leaving him alone with a corpse was a good idea and not taking him with her to the Last Drop. Her asking Ekko where they took Vander means she assumed he followed, and he probably did. Where was his mental state?
I think Silco still cares for Vander deep down. He probably tried to preserve the Vander he remembered for the dream they both once shared. I wonder if he is under the idea that he needs to kill what came of Vander and took his will to fight.
Mel pulls strings and get others to do what she sees as necessary and important to the benefit or the people. It's why she helps Jayce so often.
This is the second episode in which Vi doesn't comfort or recognize that Powder may be grieving. Claggwr and Milo comfort Vi, but Powder isn't really comforted, just left abandoned. The only thing she really does is promise to come back and give her something to hold onto. She comforted Ekko, then left him abandoned too. Vi is a shitty sister for what she did to both of them. Even if she is trying to protect them, leaving them alone after either watching or hearing what happened to Vander and Benzo, shame on her.
Milo's hesitation before trying to pick the link shows how Vi's words and actions did affect him. Vander has to reassure him of his abilities.
Also, this random tattooed man is so weak for someone who looks so strong. One punch is usually all it takes to knock him out. All that training and muscle just goes to waste in a single hit.
Powder had good intentions and was in a vulnerable state when abandoned. If we are going in order of explosions they show, I think if Powder had one less crystal, Clagger and Milo's might not have died. That could also just be my wishful thinking because they deserved more.
Do you think Marcus realized just how big of a mistake he made and ran as fast as he could when he saw the explosion? Did he make it in time to see Vanders death?
Vi didn't have someone to comfort her in this scene. Powder is suspected to be there, and she might believe Powder is dead, but that doesn't really matter. The 3 she knew were there are dead, and there isn't someone to comfort her. I don't think she has ever comforted someone over loss outside of the one hug she gave Ekko before disappearing. The one time Powder is seen to reach out for comfort about loss and failing when she wanted to help, Vi blames and attacks her. This lack of comfort in the way she was in the past is the reason I belive she abandons Powder even though she has no reason to believe Silco is dead.
I think it is revealed later in season 2, but it is interesting the interaction Powder has with Silco. He was going to kill her, but he voice sounds nothing to her, and I think her reaction reminded Silco of his younger self and is why he let's her live when he intended to kill her and the others from the start.
Episode 4
Heimerdingers comment on his friends whose name I don't know how to type sounds like Heimerding took notes on the teaching method and stepped back from inventing to allow students to shine. I wonder if it was another way to preserve the guys memory.
The intro with the Heimerdinger statue looks conniving and an opposite t who he truly is.
Kirmman trying to cover and the young girl fauning over Jayce is kind of funny especially when he doesn't care for either.
I wonder if there are magnets in the Firelight's shoes so they can do the fall motion without actually falling. They should have shot a barrel and threw a march instead of going down and getting killed.
I haven't said it yet, but the art style is so beautiful.
Do you think Ekko was dating or at least crushing on the pink haired Firelight, or did he see the same thing as Jinx and felt like he lost Vi all over again and risked nearly getting killed because of the renewed grief.
Jayce really didn't warn Heimerdinger what he was about to do and terrified the 300 year old man. Shame on him. Shame on him for almost killing the baby, too.
Heimerdinger is right, but unfortunately his concept of time is off co.pared to the lives of others. If he said a few years, then Jayce and Victor might have been more willing to listen, but I doubt Victor really would have waited.
Caitlyn's kind of dumb. She jumped in an area without a means of getting back up, or knowing if it was really safe.
Something else I haven't said is how banger the music is. In high school, I wanted to perform a color guard routine to a couple of songs. A shame I couldn't with a busted foot and no real creative freedom.
Silco pretending he can't do his own eye shots to prove he trusts Jinx with something sensitive is so kind and fatherly of him. Also, he didn't hesitate in the past about doing it, but i think he added shimmer to the shot and not really can't do it on his own.
Mel's control over Piltover is fascinating and is just as persuasive as Silco, only she uses it to keep some of the less honest counselors in line and protect Piltover from the war she came from.
I'm so proud of Jinx finally getting her inventions to work, but she does need to look into less destructive measures. She shot at people on her side and couldn't take out two important individuals to the Firelight's.
I've watched season 1 of arcane no lss than 5 times before season 2 released even a teaser, and for some reason, I never saw Jayce make his progress speech. Also, if your pet is afraid of an individual, I would be more concerned about what they are capable of, Heimerdinger.
Jayce, really didn't learn his lesson about leaving hextech/hexcores just laying around in the open where they could be stolen.
Caitlyn called for everyone to run and get out, but didn't even run herself. Girl, think through your actuons.actions.
Jayce is learning about the corruption of the counselor. Mel has chosen to give him more access to learning the corruption, and even joining himself. Heimerdinger knows something but held back.
Where is Jinx's hideout/workstation? It looks underground, and it it is big enough to launch explosives without worry. It's pretty cool.
Episode 5
Grayson deserved so much more. She wasn't corrupt, but had to bend the rules to keep the peace as much as possible. She could have taught Caitlyn so much. I wonder if Mel gave her more freedom to keep peace.
Was it love at first sight for Vi and Caitlyn or was it the first few minutes in the undercity that sold their unhealthy relationship? Vi, don't you know what a toxic relationship looks like? Caitlyn, you have always held some kind of position of power. Did your parents not teach you about healthy relationships?
Silco wants the nation of Zaun, but still calls himself a citizen.
Victor doesn't have time, but won't admit he needs the assistance of hextech, instead claims it is other people. The arcane calls for a sacrifice, and Victor didn't even hesitate.
Marcus gave a warning for Jayce to not rock the boat of the counselors, he doesn't seem to be worried about Silco and his dealings with topside when talking about the shipments. Just the shift in how the counselors will act.
Why was clagor made tiny, but Milo's lifesize? Jinx never had a hint of her trauma healed. Just used in Silco's favor.
How did Caitly catch up to Vi? She doesn't know the undercity.
Mel revealing the corruption and how she carefully controls it to Jayce is both smart and stupid. Jayce is dumb. He will not use that information wisely.
Jinx, what did affect crow ever do to you? Who did you think of? I don't really think it was the Firelights.
Caitlyn needs to watch what she says. This isn't her home, and very few are lenient with comments.
Mel is doing all of the heavy lifting, Jayce needs to step up. Poor Heimerdinger, I am starting to believe he doesn't know what his fellow counselors actually do.
Madam went from trying to seduce Clagger to being Vi's aunt. Vi also pimped out Caitlyn. I wonder how far Caitlyn went with the woman. And how she managed to leave after Vi abandoned her. Interestingly enough, it is the pilties who are committing unsavory acts in this scene and the one with Jayce. Those in the undercity are not shown doing anything, but Caitlyn watches what a couple are doing in the bubbles like a creep.
I don't think the people who used magic/arcane in the past were corrupt like Heimerdinger explained in earlier episodes. Based on what we see with Victor, and what seems to happen in season 2, it is the arcane that corrupts and takes over the minds of people. It absorbed and molded Victor's blood and called out to his mind.
Some scenes with Silco and Jinx are a little suspicious and gets close to the line of leave father-daughter relationship and leaning i to something more. This could just be i never had a great male role model and father who didn't want to connect with me like he did my brother, but that's what I am noticing. I know it never goes that way.
How does Sivika want to fight, but can't beat Vi, who has been locked up for years, without relying on Vi's me tal state being shocked at the news to really land a hit.
Silco does it to seem more approachable with others, but good on him for having a positive relationship with Makeup. Set good examples for the people of today and in the undercity.
Episode 6
This is clean water and near the surface, did it reach further into the undercity when Victor was young, or did it take building a filtration system for that to happen.
Heimerdinger contemplate the death of his friends, but he didn't say something I think he wanted to. That is the isolation immortality brings when everyone you care about will die long before you. Decades pass quickly for him, and so do the lives of his friends. He keeps moving forward, but he surely feels alone deep down.
Let's go with the headcannons the community has and Jayce talking about his first love Victor and his inevitable death to the physical relationship and love of Mel. Shame he said brother. I think a lot of people forgot that line. To be fair, my fiction class read my story, presumably closely, and completely missed the sentence explaining one character is 1000 years older than another.
Vi is a butch lesbian mess up and i can't believe Caitlyn let an injured person, under her watch, jump down and get more beat up. I saw someone else talk about how human and non human the characters are. I think they used uncanny valley as an analogy.
Silco, I know you needed to talk with Marcus and using his daughter makes sense. However, why bring this guy who apparently is learning to read while riding a tiny rocking horse. Silco can get away with being up there, but this guy should have been left in the kitchen away from her.
Victor is messing with plants and the arcane. I think he is the one who brought it the chance to fuck with nature, and Ekko's tree in season 2.
Caitlyn and Vi keep making statements that prove their relationship is toxic.
Heimerdinger can see that Victor is contaminated with the hexcore, but he seems to not realize what he needs to put into words for others to understand his worries. Because he is not in the know of the other councelors dealings, he has lost the support he once had, and Jayce took advantage of it.
Marcus is trying to warn Jayce still, but he needs to either come clean, or keep his mouth shut. He is about to overstep on both sides.
Jayce did Heimerdinger dirty. Jayce also put Mel in a position she was forced to agree. Because of her, it moved the others to agree.
People have done video essays on Silco and his tantrum, and i recommend to watch them. They do more than I could about his me tal state and what gies through his head.
Poor Sevika. She should have know what she was doing was stupid. Jinx is mostly holding on by a thread.
Jinx losing her mind and hearing voices was artistically beautiful
Episode 7
I love how this episode starts with a music video.
Something I have seen online is about Ekko is him missing from part of season 2, but the exact same thing happens in season 1. He is there in act 1, we don't know it at the time, so technically he is missing from act 2, and shows up again in act 3.
Ekko has a slightly different design compared to his childhood. As a kid, you could see the hair around the side of his head by the ears is dark brown or black. While the rest is white/platinum blond. I wonder if he does it, or if it like an inverted birthmark that made those spots grow black. While shaved, it seems shaved back further than the spots that had the dark hair.
How did Jayce become defacto head of the council? I thought Mel was the head. If Heimerdinger was the original head, because he had been there the longest, then Jayce shouldn't have become head. Whoever had been there loanger should have become the next leader.
Vi really didn't give a shit about what happened to Ekko. I wish we knew what really happened to Ekko after Vi ditched him. He gives a vague excuse but how long was he alone, hiding from Silco and on the run before he found the tree and made a home there. And just for my own e tertainment, what is Scar's backstory?
Jayce completely forgot Victor was from the undercity. He holds a lot of discriminative opinions about the undercity, and i don't know if they were enhanced after the theft, or if it was always there and we didn't see it until now.
Ekko is trying and good for him.
Mel is falling back on her past. She is looking for a defense, not war, but she does expect for war to be brought to Piltover.
Victor is right. They are not soldiers. Jayce forgot that when he spoke with Vi later on.
I love that Heimerdinger is sneaking across the river. I think this is the most crime he has ever done because he is not on the council anymore. Screw Jayce, I want his adventures.
I find it hard to believe people from the undercity are still not protesting on the bridge at this time.
I'm starting to believe The enforcers with Marcus are not really human.
Vi really called for Caitlyn instead of Ekko. This reinforces my belief that Vi is a shifty person. Ekko should have been her first thought. Why would Vi assume the enforcers would attack Caitlyn when Ekko is the one seen as a threat?
The callback to episode one and Jinx huming the song again.
His daughter didn't deserve this but Marcus definitely did.
Ekko is such a badass i love it. Where did the nickname Boy Savior come from. It happened during the time jump. And he lost the nickname Little Man.
There is a reference to a crow/raven behind the Little Powder memory. Did Jinx shoot the bird because reminded her of the past?
I can kind of see Vi thinking Ekko is dead and still running off to the council, but it should be implied that Jinx was killed too in the explosion. It isn't what happened, and she later knows Jinx survived, so why not assume Wkko survived too. She doesn't even go to the Firelights to let them know of the supposed death of Ekko. She literally said fuck it to everything Ekko worked for over these years.
Episode 8
The beginning scene is interesting, but also had to be traumatizing to see a girl Mel's age be decapitated.
When did Jinx steal the gem? Or did Ekko keep it with him and toss an empty container to Vi and Caitlyn? He said he would show the council, and i wouldn't blame him for still not trusting Caitlyn and being weary of Vi, but it also implies he was fully ready to kill Jinx and didn't know he would hesitate.
Jayce is weak. He shouldn't have gone to the bridge if he hasn't ever seen death in such a way. Mel should have prepared him at the least
"Sometimes death is a mercy." How many years did it take the doctor to understand and accept that? Good on him for saving Silco from more unnecessary stress with Jinx being hurt.
Fin needs to wear his jacket right, or have something to keep it from slipping off him. I feel like it would be easier to steal it from him like this. How many times has he lost it and just pretends it didn't happen?
Ambessa is hot. I will say that.
Poor Heimerdinger. He can't help the adults, he know that parents are untrusting, so he can't help the children. I can't wait until season 2 because i know they have better interactions. Ekko knows him, and I bet as a kid, he looked up to him for potential in his engineering.
Ambassador really stood up without Jayce giving consent to seeing her nudes. The creators didn't show him blushing, just looking away. He knows that is Mel's mother, and he slept with Mel.
Vi is going by undercity laws and customs, but she is with piltover council. He puked at death, then wanted more bloodshed which he can't even stand to see.
Why doesn't the council want to let the undercity become it's own nation? What is the benefit of people who you don't care about being called your people. I would argue civil war is worse than war against 2 different nations/cities.
Victorost the plot with the hexcore and should have talked more with Jayce about what he was doing. He doesn't want to create weapons, but he is turning his body into what could be used as a weapon. His actions killed Sky. Then the hexcre had the audacity to burp after its meal.
This is not my orignial idea, but some of it is my original words.
Canon Butch Lesbian Vi and headcanon bi disaster Jayce. Alone, they are fuck ups. But with their powers combines, and the help of hextech weapons, they are still 2 fuckups who can't do shit right.
The people in the suits, are they children too? And is it their job every shift to sit in them in case of an attack, or are they in the equivalent of a cryo pod until the putton is pushed and they are awoken and flooded with shimmer for the fight.
I think Kayce had 2 head on shots, and one of them was a kid. They didn't even die from it. It just numb them so they fell. The fall is what killed them.
What was the choice in deciding only women would be seen naked in showers?continuing with the show, specifically Caitlyn. She turned one handle which implies she had the water set to scalding and didn't react to it. She should be red with blisters trying to form from that. It implies their water temperatures are weak
Episode 9
Jayce really panicking about one direct kill and refusing to listen to Vi when she tells him the truth. That kid did know what he signed up for. His mother is pretty shifty for having him work down there and knowing the dangers.
How did Jinx find Caitlyn's home? They do not explore or inform us about this. Jinx was recovering when Vi went there and Marcus probably wasn't giving away information on where council members live.
The core killed Sky, and Victor can't bring himself to destroy it. It has control on him and he refuses to accept that.
Mel found out her mom stood up from the bath in front of Jayce and got pissed. On a more serious note, her brother doesn't get a name and Mel was disowned. Ambessa tries to be caring, but it is hard to believe that is what she means. Who are they talking about. It is easier to prepare for an attack if you know who it is.
The parallel between Jayce and Victor in their suicide attempt. However. Jayce was going to make his death everyone else's problem, and Victor was going to be kind to other and not show the city his mangled corpse. Jayce is outwardly egotistical, Victor has more internal desires and stays out of the spotlight with his actions.
Silco did believe he would die. He truly thought he lost Sevika's loyalty. But he is playing it off pretty well.
If Ekko made it to the council, I think jayce would have been more willing to arrest Silco instead of trying to get Jinx. Maybe there could have been peace in the undercity. I don't think Jayce really told them truth about giving Silco his nation of Zaun.
Ekko mentioned his life, and the other firelights, depended on it to create the home they have. I am more curious now if Ekko has always been hunted because he is a remnant of Vander's leadership. It's assumed that is why he took Vander hostage and knew the kids would come. And he was going to kill Powder. Maybe Silco realized he couldn't do the same thing with Ekko and he was a risk to losing Jinx so he was hunted down. That would explain partly why it is so secured, and it also helps prevent shimmer from being brought to the people trying to heal.
Did Vander say those words to Vi, or was that what she thought he would say. It's u fair her visions are not the same as Jinx.
Why did Vi thinking Caitlyn was under the little tray and Jinx could carry her with ease. Even with the gauntlets.
You know what is a shame? Jinx is so convinced that Powder can't exist at the same time as Powder, and that is Silco's fault. He didn't do something to help her. And insisted that Powder had to die and Vi is lying.
Even in death, Milo is beaten down. I don't blame Jinx, but still, she does it because of Vi and how she saw him treated and how she internalized all the name calling as him doing it.
Jinx's eyes are cloudy and a different color than normal. I think that is the sign she was getting too lost in her head, and outside voices just made it all worse.
Vi's refusal to believe she changed, even if she had a constant routine in prison, is frustrating. Nobody stays the same. She got the shit beaten out of her constantly and was isolated from the outside. She only beat the one innmate because she knew he was working for Silco and had beaten him before.
Ekko looks so happy talking to Heimerdinger, and he is listening thoughtfully to his ideas. That is so sweet. And the music is so sad.
How did Mel not die if she was pretty much the direct line of fire?
This is my conclusion on season 1. When I wake up and take care of business, I will sit down and watch season 2 and add my thoughts on that in a second post. While I doubt people will see this, or read the whole thing, I does feel nice to share with people who might care too.
I still believe this is all Jayce's fault. My reasonings will be more in the season 2 post than this one, but i need sleep
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thunder-wolf64 · 3 days ago
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Just ranting about something that's been bothering me for yearsss
So I've mentioned my friend before. Ima call her bestie bc that's what she calls me.
I've known bestie for years.. about 7 I think? I met her when I was forced out of my normal lunch table. The most open table was hers. She started talking to me after r few days of this happening.
Bestie and I were friends. She said we were, and I needed friends. Her behavior was far too much for my shy demeanor. She's neurodivergent, and she has no filter. I'd be scared to be associated with her because of how commonly she said things I would never dare whisper. That was mostly a me issue though.
Sometimes I enjoy her company, sometimes I wish she would leave me alone. Being older now, I have a lot more confidence, I've found it easier to tell her off. She still has no filter.
I've found good friends in my high school years. People who i don't feel cautious around, people who is don't get mad at. People i don't have to hush and keep out of trouble. I feel less like me and bestie are friends, let alone BFFs.
She frustrates me, pokes fun at me, and judges me. I'm not supposed to be mad at her, she can't help it. How terrible would i be to leave her or tell her to stop?
We sit together at lunch as of now, we might not soon due to changing schedules. But she's been leaning into me and grabbing my arm for warmth. And I don't like it. I do my best to show my displeasure, encouraging her to let go as I scroll my phone, but really I'm staring into space and freaking out. She lets go eventually, she's not bad or anything. But it upsets me. She's been stealing my food, making me have to be defensive. Earlier this week I was looking forward to eating a rip banana for once, i told her and she grabbed it, I gently pulled it back, not wanting to damage it or anything and she squeezed it, ruining half the banana. After giggling for a while, she apologized. But she's just been pushing boundaries more.
We were walking down the hallway, and i bumped into her a bit instead of another student, I apologized and she started to pretty much shove me with her entire body weight. I didn't want to be shoved into something or someone, so i purposely shoved her back a bit, which apparently was to much for her. She stopped for the moment but would continue to push me and joke about it for the next few days
Everyone thinks she's my best friend, and I can't just leave her. She has had a lot of rough things happen to her. And she's going through some stuff. I think atleast, she's hard to read.
It's just so conflicting. By nature she's not the easiest person to get along with, but she has a valid excuse in my mind. So i feel it's wrong to dislike her most of the time.
Anyways, that's the yap. Nothing horrendous.
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savingthegeneration · 1 month ago
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Hit a snag with my english princess crown playthrough. I just killed the dragon and after the Knights showed up I'm stuck on this screen. Everyone just stands there blinking. lol I'll load an old save and see if it happens again.
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lunarharp · 4 months ago
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uhh another modern au agott follow-up. They've gotten progressively sillier
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moe-broey · 11 months ago
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I've only read the first volume of Dungeon Meshi but I'm convinced Laios and Marcille are both autistic but two EXTREMELY different flavors of autism, so much so it enables autistic PVP (one sided, Laios is unaware, possibly due to the autism)
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transmechanicus · 7 months ago
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Really fucked up that two ppl can care about each other and make their best efforts to communicate and still end up hurting each other so badly they cannot stand to be in the same room.
#my stuff#i feel soooo bad talking to my therapist about the same topics over multiple weeks#like i feel like they're sooo sick of it like damn can this bitch get Over It alreadyyyy#hi yes actually can we talk about the near catastrophic sense of betrayal and loss that has haunted my soul for over a month?#can we talk about how I overcompensate for other's possible feelings and emotions to desperately mask my terror at feeling out of control#can we talk about how even when I know ppl acted with logical reasons necessary for their situation it still hurt me?#and that this pain fills me up with so much anger and frustration that I'm powerless to put anywhere that won't hurt someone#so it just cooks me inside and makes me grind my teeth constantly for weeks#im so angry i did not deserve to be treated like this it's not fair and I have no capacity to fix it or control when it feels better#i just have to survive and wait until i forget about it and hope they don't decide to reach out and fuck it all up#cause i can see that happening#i'll finally be free of thinking about them and generally going about my day unbothered and they'll ask to get coffee or something#and I have no idea what I should do in that scenario. because I don't think we can be friends.#and you have not treated me with the compassion and warmth I treated you#i would want to say mean things. hurtful things. I would want to bite back for once.#and that's not me. that's not who I want to be.#i don't wanna see you. go away. don't talk to me if you're not going to make the pain go away.
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pharawee · 4 months ago
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Loved your comment on col. Cast is lovely everything is perfect but the asshat director and some bts people. Amazing show!
Now imagine how much more amazing this show could have been if the director's unprofessionalism didn't turn the set into an extremely toxic work environment that apparently was so bad that his lead actors considered quitting acting altogether.
I still really like the show (and To Sir with Love and Laws of Attraction which were also directed by director Wo Worawit and apparently suffered from some of the same problems, albeit not to that extent) but it's kind of all I could think about while watching today's ep. :/
It's a testament to everyone else involved in the making of this show (well, except for those horrible make-up people who were hopefully fired) that it's as amazing and entertaining as it is.
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icewindandboringhorror · 11 months ago
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Some (late) holiday photos of the boye~!
#cats#holiday#OUGHH....... barely could even get these edited and posted... my mysterious sickness flare up has been sooo bad the past few#days.. I didn't even go to the usual obligatory family christmas I was supposed to attend (!!! health issue/medical mention in tags below)#My stomach issues basically put me in a constant state of uncontrollable shivering/body shaking + nausea + sometimes rapid heart#rate. and when it happens at night that makes it like.. nearly impossible to sleep when you're violently shaking + you can feel your heart#so strong + you keep having to run to the bathroom every 5 minute to cough and gag#and throw up and so on and so forth. etc. So I went like 40 hours without any sleep almost for christmas eve and all of christmas day#last night I finally got maybe 2 hours of sleep in between the nausea and shaking and stuff. and then today I was able to get a few#hours of sleep in the afternoon. Today I tried taking an anxiety mediciation a doctor gave me in case it was anxiety related (it's apparent#ly used to relax people and works in the moment. rather than like Anxiety Mediciation that you have to take for weeks to see any effect#because I think this isn't actually acting on your brain chemistry it's judt like..a mild sedative or something.) but all that did was make#me dizzy and sweaty lol. I;m glad I slept a little but I'm just still frustrated that I don't feel normal. I started having these#'episodes' (with the stomach issues + shaking + heartrate + nausea etc.) like at the end of october. And usually it will happen for like a#few hours at a time. or i'll lose sleep one day and then be fine the next. but this has been like nearly 3 days of feeling weird. so is#getting kind of annoying... It's funny too because I was so so productive like.. literally the few days before. I was feeling much better#and I was working on my game and blah blah. But then.. random issue flare up out of nowhere of course.. yaayy.... happy holidays to meee lo#I did at least see two random ducks outside of my window in the yard area for christmas. and havent seen them since. So it's like.. hrmm..#pacing around my room nauseous and shakings and etc. but at least... hello.. two little ducks placed there just for me :3c#Now I get anxiety every night which I'm sure doesn't help/could exacerbate whatever underlying genuinely physical issues exist. But after#like 2 nights of 'I spend the night sleepless and incredibly uncomfortable just sitting in the dark sick' then bedtime is like.. dread...#I even was trying slapping myself in the face in desperation to see if somehow that could shock my body out of whatever the hell it was#doing lol.. up at 3am holding ice cubes in my hand and hitting myself in the head and crying from exhaustion and thowing up.. literally#ridiculous cartoon character feeling... AAANYWAY!!! At least I have baby boy pictures. and I have lots of doctors appointments so hopefully#whatever the issue is can be sorted out at some point. I don't know much about ibs but hopefully maybe something like that that I could pos#ibly take medication for and not something more seirous or anything. Maybe there's a food I'm secretly intolerant to or whatever.#And I did at least post a sims holday video actually timed for the holidays so that's something. I havent been productive really latrely#though obviously.. I can't even play games or small tasks when in that state since I'm just SO physically uncomfortable. Nausea and heart#stuff are THE hardest physical sensations to ignore.. BUT yeah... hoping I shall sleep at all tonight. hopeing to get like 3 productive#things done.. at some point... at least SOMETHING... lol..... *** *** ***
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puhpandas · 2 months ago
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thinking abt the ggy easter eggs rn
#im so ready for whateber theyre cooking#this is like the only era rn where the sw games arent interesting me rn im so ready to want to engage again#plz focus on ggy vanny gregory vanessa cassie and not cassie dad mapbot dying absent father doing nothintnfor the story#and a game based totally off of books instead of the other way around#i really hope SW games dont become super tftp oriented#as in they make games based off of books instead of the other way around#that would suck majorly#a ggy game would be new content based off of game lore that does exist for ggy and not the book#like patient 46 and his canonical mysterious past#plus everything the tapes said he did#it could be so good#i really want to just see like. any progression of the story#outside of very basic ideas like 'vanny cassie' that are probably going to happen but are so bare bones#theres not much you can think about#insyead of useless plots like cassies dad. sorry but its true if hes the hw2 story he does nothing#nothing that cassie couldnt have also done if shes the protag#i know that sotm has to happen before they can progress so im being patient#but man#i hope we get more stuff like ruin that has good linear on screen storytelling and is more character oriented#everybody liked ruin but not everyone likes sotm#when hw2 came out i saw soo many opinions not just by me and the moots or something but just#fans on twitter diehard or casual#that hated how hw2s story was handled#people actually want storytelling now at sb and ruins scale instead of old school barely comprehensible frustrating lore#thats what sotm feels like its leaning into and im not excited#i hope its a one time thing since its a good chance to do that#a game that already takes place in the og fnaf days#before it even#of course its a good idea to put old school easter eggs and characters and story and stuff of the og days#i just miss my guys :(
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bunniheartedd · 7 days ago
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💭
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