#it's so dispiriting

[klapollo]

it's starting to really break my heart how relentlessly mean people are to lizzo. it's so sick and cruel. they never let up.

[vickyvicarious]

Last night the Count asked me in the suavest tones to write three letters, one saying that my work here was nearly done, and that I should start for home within a few days, another that I was starting on the next morning from the time of the letter, and the third that I had left the castle and arrived at Bistritz. I would fain have rebelled, but felt that in the present state of things it would be madness to quarrel openly with the Count whilst I am so absolutely in his power; and to refuse would be to excite his suspicion and to arouse his anger. He knows that I know too much, and that I must not live, lest I be dangerous to him; my only chance is to prolong my opportunities. Something may occur which will give me a chance to escape. I saw in his eyes something of that gathering wrath which was manifest when he hurled that fair woman from him. He explained to me that posts were few and uncertain, and that my writing now would ensure ease of mind to my friends; and he assured me with so much impressiveness that he would countermand the later letters, which would be held over at Bistritz until due time in case chance would admit of my prolonging my stay, that to oppose him would have been to create new suspicion. I therefore pretended to fall in with his views, and asked him what dates I should put on the letters.

Not to quote almost the entire entry at y'all, but... Last night, the Count asked this. So the evening of the same day that Jonathan viewed the broken doorframe and found absolute proof that his fears are indeed true, that his sanity is intact and the nightmare is real.

I made a somewhat premature post yesterday talking about how it was sad that Jonathan's words about "acting accordingly" with this confirmation are disproven or at least made very sad by the long gap following this entry. That it proves he can't think of any safe actions to take in the face of this increased threat, that he hardly even tries out of fear of making things even worse, and so his only possible action is to wait. But I'd somehow forgotten this entry happened immediately after, and it makes the buildup to that decision even worse.

First and most obviously, in that it gives Jonathan a definite timeline. (Well, as definite as can be, if you subscribe to him losing track of time - that would make things even worse for him.) On the one hand, he can presume that hopefully he will live that long, but on the other he's almost guaranteed not to live beyond that time, at least if circumstances don't change.

But also... last night. Jonathan didn't even get a single day to consider a new plan of action before he was forced into another tense moment of having to decide 'play along or not'. And he hesitates this time! This newest demand is so blatant and so huge that Jonathan almost breaks! This is apparent both in the "I would fain have rebelled..." line but also in the line following Jonathan's justifications for not rebelling in the end. I've bolded it above. Dracula starts to get angry.

Dracula started out this conversation in his "suavest tones." He usually gets extra charming when trying to get Jonathan to agree to some new restriction, so that's nothing new. And usually Jonathan plays it smart and goes along with it. He did now too, in the end. But he hesitated this time, probably wrestling back his fear and outrage long enough to think through all the reasons he gives above not to speak up. He waits long enough that Dracula starts to get mad. He knows Jonathan knows, and knows Jonathan knows he knows. That's been true since the beginning, and usually the layers of fear and knowledge are fun for Dracula to the point that he seems to savor them. But this time he saw that he had almost pushed too far too soon. He saw Jonathan teetering on the edge of ruining everything, of admitting the truth and forcing an end to this delicious anticipatory game, and he started to get pissed off about it. Sure, he carried on through the conversation, kept assuring "with much impressiveness" but the fact that he had to annoyed him greatly. He knows Jonathan knows, which means that Jonathan should know better. The whole fun is that he does know better usually. Dracula doesn't want this to end, was very firm just a couple days ago that he isn't done with his Jonathan yet; if Jonathan were to say "no" to him that would end it, and he would immediately take out his anger and frustration on him. (Dracula voice: "no one takes my Jonathan time away from me. I'd kill anyone who tried, even Jonathan himself!")

Jonathan is able to read the signs appropriately; and honestly, I think that he very definitively saves his life by agreeing. I think that if he had refused to write the letters, or even resisted a bit longer, he would have been a goner. I think that he is well aware of that too.

Dracula's violence threatened to turn on him today, more so than ever before. Immediately after Jonathan confirmed the Count is his only safety from the vampire ladies threatening him elsewhere in the castle, it almost ceased to matter as he nearly failed to adapt fast enough to avoid this threat. And then he has to salvage the situation, and he does, but the risk is so huge. The sense of barely-averted danger (death) so strong.

If Jonathan were in a different headspace, if he'd been given more time to prepare, maybe he would be able to sneak in some kind of cry for help into his letters. Sure, they're not going to be posted until the relevant dates so it might not matter anyway, but it would be worth a try and I think he would try. But right now? I'm not sure that he would have the ability to think clearly enough, filled with panicked adrenaline and fear as he must be. And Jonathan doesn't mention it, but I feel it quite likely that Dracula would insist on him writing the letters right then, under his watchful eye. Jonathan might be too afraid to push his luck enough to even try anything beyond using a different tone than usual (short, to the point, just what Dracula wants but nothing more).

And again, this is all right on the heels of confirming that he isn't safe anywhere here, not even when Dracula is gone. The Count is in fact keeping him safe from greater dangers. His enemies have quadrupled in number (at least, who knows if there are even more monsters here). They all have a variety of supernatural abilities he doesn't know how to counter. They want to drink his blood. He hasn't really had time to process any of this.

If he isn't safe when alone (except partially during daylight), then he can't explore freely. If they can move through windows and break doors, their strength and magical abilities mean he can't barricade himself away from them anywhere. If he displeases Dracula then he is lost. If he acts out he will displease Dracula. Even if he isn't setting his sights as high as escaping anymore, even if he only wants to learn more to record in his diary. Right now, Jonathan is having trouble thinking of a way to even do that much safely. As far as he can see, there's nothing he can do but wait for some kind of opportunity.

And he can only wait so long. He now knows the span of his life.

[cloud-somersault]

Soul anon here

Just saying it would be the funniest fucking thing ever is you changed the chapter count on the epilouge and dropped one absolutely massive final chapter. I'd wait and then give a dissertation of a comment.

Speaking of, (this is gonna get ramble-y so please excuse how unstructured this is, and forgive any spellling errors because I'm on mobile)

Holy shit I love the epilogue so fucking much. We didn't see too much of Mac's thought process in Constellations but with the epilogue I feel like you've read my fucking mind.

Like Wukong getting to spend time with Mac in the here and now, wistfully thinking at the beach about how things could have been different as his attempt at a subtle apology for what he ruined vs Mac can't even daydrean of it because he lived through the cold harsh reality of death, how he can't ever forget what Wukong did to him and yes, granted Wuking was tortured, but it wasn't death. It wasn't near the amount of suffering that Mac went through and continues to go through. Mac taking Wukong's wistfullness of what could have been as an insult (which is how I see it but may not be what you intended) is extremely fitting and very compelling. Wukong is genuinely trying to reach out, knows Mac the best out of all the characters, and still doesn't see how it comes off is very insightful into his thought process. In my view, Wukong is coming a bit from a place of privilege, his punishment while harsh, does lead him to becoming a heroic legendary figure while Mac is...not really well known in the story of LMK itself.

So of course Mac is going to be angry when Wukong says what he does, Mac never got the chance to have a fraction of the peace, healing and resolution and respect that Wukong got. Adding in with a lot of the shit talk Wukong gives him in S1 and S3...how can Mac take the chance that Wuking actually means what he says? Wukong has burned Mac not just once, but verbally several times in the show and granted that in S3 Mac is very much trying to help the crew from the other side...man. and that's not including that Wukong deliberately went against Mac's wishes in regards to talking about heaven and asking about the curse being removed. As much as I get where Wukong is coming from and why, it still does show that Wukong can and will cross Mac's boundaries because he thinks he knows better. I'm not decrying Wukong's action to help as bad, merely that he IS disrespecting a boundary Mac made crystal clear. Wukong is really going to have to prove that he's got good intentions here, and I can't blame Mac for being distrustful.

All that said, I love the epilogue and everything it's doing. I am eating so GOOD with everyword!!

WOW thank you so much for this ask, it's beautiful 🥺💞💞 I love all your thoughts and insight into their relationship! You're right about practically everything LOL but there's some key things in this ask that I'd like to touch on.

In regard to Wukong's reminiscing being taken as an insult, Macaque absolutely took it as an insult. There was no sensitivity to how Macaque sees their past and his feelings about it after everything. Wukong was also pointing all that out to show how much he's changed, but in doing so, he revealed how much he changed, and Macaque's mad that Wukong didn't show restraint or mercy or anything when they were fighting.

Macaque has a hard time (with good reason) moving past that. He says himself that this is going to be a huge blockade to them becoming friends again. But he's trying, despite Wukong's failed attempts and insensitivity.

And Wukong really is trying to do everything he can to make Macaque see that he's different now, but he hasn't done enough thinking on how Macaque is feeling. And, granted, Macaque hides his feelings and isn't as open about them as Wukong is, so Wukong has to try his best to discern how Macaque feels. That's why he's taken to asking Macaque directly what he's thinking so he can get a clear answer (and also because he just wants to know).

The mention of Wukong coming from this place of privilege (ABSOLUTELY SPOT ON) is so important!! There is a fundamental lack of understanding of what Macaque went through. Wukong has never asked (because he's terrified of death) about Macaque's experience with death and he's never given Macaque a space to vent or sob or whatever he may need to do. Wukong isn't offering that comfort because of his fear. So it comes off to Macaque as him slightly not caring or just outright ignoring Macaque's feelings about the complications of death and resurrection.

Again, Wukong is denying things or turning a blind eye to them because he doesn't want to confront them. We saw him do this for various things in Constellations (Not saying Mei/Tang/Sandy/Pigsy's actual names, not mentioning Little Star or what happened to them, not thinking too hard about MK's origins, not thinking about his punishment, etc.) so this isn't new for him. There is a sort of lack of vulnerability on Wukong's account. Like, he's being honest and introspective and self-reflecting and voicing the results of his reflection, but he's only allowing himself to be a shoulder to cry on in some aspects. Which is fine, in general, but when it's about the SUPER BIG ISSUE THAT TORE HIM AND MACAQUE APART, he might need to do a listen. I dunno.

oh, also, when it comes to Macaque not having much of a story in comparison to Wukong, that's something I touch on later. Wukong does come from a place of privilege because of his journey and being given the chance to improve and change. Macaque wasn't given that chance. And Wukong is revered and worshiped and remembered, and Macaque is left in the dust. There's definitely resentment and envy and jealousy there, and Wukong needs to recognize that, too.

And Wukong breaking Macaque's boundaries -- this is going to be a point of contention continually in their relationship because Wukong just has this drive to fix things, to shoulder things on his own. He's operated on his own for so long, it's hard to unlearn that. He trusts in his own abilities because he's prevented catastrophe's and saved lives countless times just on his own.

And he believes without a doubt that he can save Macaque. He believes he can get rid of that curse. It's just another "Monkey King problem fixed" for him. And he's aware of Macaque's boundaries and he knows he should do better and communicate and respect them, but all that consideration goes out the window when it comes to Macaque's well-being. Because Wukong absolutely wants Macaque to be okay again. He wants to get rid of this curse so Macaque stops suffering.

And he actually truly does understand that this doesn't make up for him killing Macaque. Like, Wukong gets that, at least. He just doesn't like seeing his mate in pain. And if there's a way to fix it, he wants to find it. But Macaque has expressed his boundaries and he expects Wukong to respect them. This constant disrespect is not okay to him, because he's aware that things could go awry.

But that's just one facet of them getting to an okay-ish place. They've got their whole punishment and separation, they've got the curse and how to get rid of it, they've got training MK, they've got Little Star, they've go the monkeys of FFM, they've got residual feelings for each other. There's so much that goes into their relationship that trying to fix it is a huge mountain of issues that they have to tackle.

And that's why the epilogue is so long. Because it takes time to build trust and talk things out and apologize and make mistakes and share feelings. And as each chapter comes out, you can see subtle changes, you can see them take a step forward, but there's inevitably going to be times when they take steps backward.

progress isn't linear. and they've got a lot of baggage. but they decided to try together. they each have a want deep inside them to fix this. And whether that's because Wukong is alone and hurting and desperate for affection and love and friendship or if it's because Macaque is hurting and feeling unlovable and unwanted and teetering between two very different desires. They keep meeting up and going on walks together.

Because every step is important because it speaks to the effort being made. It speaks to the intent change things. It showcases a desire for improvement. They both want something to change on some level. And I think that story, is incredibly interesting. It's been really fun writing it out to see how everything unfolds.

[naamahdarling]

.

[darchildre]

It's really a terrible thing when you and one of your least favorite library patron have extremely similar taste in movies.

Something interesting shows up on hold for somebody and I think, "Oh, I should check that out myself when this person is done!" And then I scan it for the hold and realize that it has been requested by one of the worst people I know.

It shouldn't, of course, but it always has the effect of making me less interested in the movie in question, solely out of a desire to have less in common with this terrible dude.

[aquamirage]

Last sentence tag game

RULES: Post the last sentence you wrote (fanfic / original / anything) and tag as many people as there are words in the sentence.

because @ryfkah did it. tagging people stresses me out serve yrselves

"It's not as if the two of us are more than passing acquaintances, I couldn't say I know the man other than the actions he took that night and the things he makes, which isn't knowing a person enough to gossip over them when they're not present." 

[britneyshakespeare]

ppl will just reblog posts w outright historical misinformation in them

[couthbbg]

besides that it’s 8 games into the season (☠️☠️☠️) they really did geno so dirty with this photo 😭

[fukashiin]

imagine the twst boys gettijgn jealous that youre being hit up on at a party. like okay yeah youre pretty????? youre attractive?????? youre basically perfect????? BUTBTHE SECOND THEY LAY THEIR EYES ON THE PERSON WHO WAS TRYING TO SHOOT THEIR SHOT WIRH U. OVERLOOKED GLARES. JEALOUSY RISES FROM THE GROUND. THE EARTH STARTS TO CRUMBLE APART. ALL HELL STARTS TO BREAK LOOSE. A COMPLETE PANDEMONIUM COMES OUT OF NO WHRERE

[the-myrda-weapon]

Back to regularly scheduled programming, I guess

[culmaer]

¶

[bouvillea]

thinking about the talvish that the milletian failed to persuade in g25, the talvish that never met his milletian and had to watch this iteration of the milletian fail. y'know, the milletian that never finished g21. not that that's an issue anymore since mabi's storyline update forces you to do the storyline linearly (which is overall a good thing)

[scholar-of-yemdresh]

Being trans & ace on various queer book subreddits and watching how the trans and ace specific book posts get the least amount of upvotes & interactions and the most amount of inappropriate book suggests...fun! 🙃

[thebeautifulbriny]

i've just seen a video of someone from the original cast of into the woods chatting about the wolf's costume (or rather the wolf's appendage) and the comments are overflowing with such disingenuous and dismissive takes

like 'ugh it's so unnecessary!!! why would they even do that? that's so weird and gross ugh!!!'

friend follow that question to it's logical conclusion i beg of you! engage in good faith and you can find the answers you are seeking i fucking promise you!!

[burinazar]

left is something i posted to Twitter comparing and contrasting petrigrof and belavue as my favorite m/f (usually. Simon and Be have a lot of fans who Do Things to the chara’s gender) ships of all time with a shocking amount in common at least as i read them. don’t try to actually read this picture it’s a mess. just take note of how Pepe Sylvia Core it is. right is reaction of my poor friend who doesn’t know any of these people except thru copious fandom diffusion. compelled to share this just now bc i think it’s the counterpart experience of me just now giggling at Edelgard Palpatine in @chromeedwardian’s post

[fushiguho]

For eons, I’ve been thinking about sweet, well-mannered, farmhand!Gojo ☀️ who fucks the literal breath out of you and you guys WILL hear me out, okay?

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･

As your father’s one and only employee, Satoru is held to incredibly high standards, which essentially boil down to two, very simple rules; never show up to the farm late and never, he means never pursue his daughter romantically. Seems easy enough, right?

Or so Satoru thought.

“Miss,” a thick, meridional voice utters from far behind, “miss, pardon my frankness, but I believe you just might be the prettiest woman I have ever seen.” Satoru admits candidly, briskly jogging to match your fast-paced gait as you trudge up the hill, toward the farmhouse over yonder.

“Oh, don’t be silly now,” you dismiss, waving a banishing hand, suppressing the ever-growing giddiness that threatens to invalidate your dismissal, “my father wouldn’t like that one bit, you know that. He’ll kill you ten times over, Satoru.” Surely he’s kidding, right? Surely he would never disobey your father’s wishes… right?

Now trudging beside you, Satoru nods slowly, adjusting the rusted buckles of his muddy, denim overalls. A dispirited sigh drags from his pretty, pink lips. Of course he knows. Shoulder to shoulder, the two of you plod toward the house, his lingering gaze as subtle as a sledgehammer, but when is it not?

“I’ve been made well aware,” he finally mutters under his breath as if coming to the unfortunate realization all over again, “but you don’t make it particularly easy for me, miss… you must know that.” His voice is a deep, southern drawl—beautifully elongated vowels like silken honey, the perfect melody for battered souls.

“How do you mean?” Your hand is coming up to your face, shielding your eyes from the sun so that you can peer up at the ivory-haired man beside you. “And you don’t have to call me that y’know.”

“What? Miss?” His incredulous tone forces a giggle past your lips. “Just a token of respect is all, blame my momma,” he smiles, cheeks glowing a beautiful crimson from the parching heat, “and it’s fitting… a pretty name for a pretty lady, hm?” He’s nudging you in the shoulder teasingly.

See? Satoru is sweet. So why on this godforsaken planet does he have you painfully spread apart on your family’s dining room table? Why are his large hands pinning your thighs to the stained wood so that he can watch as your desperate, drooling pussy swallows his cock whole? Why is he leaning down to whisper debauched words of praise directly into your ear?

“Look at this wet, little pussy, goddd… you take me sooo fuckin’ well—fuuuuuck, miss,” he’s deliriously tossing his head back to dangle between his shoulder blades, subconsciously yanking you closer to the edge of the rustic table, desperate to feel more of you, “like it was made for me, heh. Was this pretty pussy made for me, miss? Is this my pussy?”

It’s like switch has been flipped, like he’s possessed beyond saving and is now only a shell of his former self. Has he always been this way? Has he always had this filthy of a mouth? You’re not sure, not really. The only thing you’re sure of is the repetitive, obscene strike of his swollen balls against the fat of your ass. It’s the only thing you can hear, feel, think.

“C’monnn now… asked you a question, miss,” he’s leaning closer, mockingly cupping a hand over his ear to observe the way he fucks the breath out of you, “talk to meee, pretty, I wanna hear you. This pussy too loud, huh? Is she too wet for you to hear me?”

“It’s yours! Your p-pussy—mhmm,” you cry, nodding frantically in immense rapture, “fuuuck, you fuck me sooo good… s’good!”

“Yeah, sweet girl? You like how I fuck you?” The dark, breathy chuckle that drags from the depths of his chest sends yours mind blank as you nod dumbly. “You like how I give you everything? All of my cock?” A big, greedy hand is slipping beneath the small of your back, pulling you upright and impossibly closer. “Yeaaaah, you like my cock, look at you…” his hungry gaze is scanning over your stupid expression, “eyes rollin’ to the back of your head like that. Can’t even hear me anymore, can you?”

A pool of light washed denim surrounds Satoru’s feet, the hem of his white t-shirt tucked between his teeth, baring the sweat-ridden skin of his chest and abdomen. The bruising buck of his hips as he fucks himself deeper is only scooting the large table further and further across the hardwood floor. Even his deep, guttural moans are like kindle to an ever growing flame.

It’s always the ones you least expect.