#it's slight and really just bad cgi

[sundry-whovengerslocked]

things we Don't Really Talk About in the Doctor Who fandom (although we really should):

this Scooby-Doo scene, mainly because it takes place in the same episode as this:

and this:

-

this interspecies couple:

and their children:

-

this creepy lady and her leech:

and how she turned The Doctor into this:

-

those few episodes with this kid who was sort-of-not-really a companion:

and The Doctor was essentially on the future space version of Big Brother:

and this was the bad guy:

also Scotty was in it:

-

these awful dolls that came to life and turned other people into dolls:

-

that time The Doctor and team saw this message on the surface of Mars:

only to discover Victorian soldiers there:

and the baddass Empress Martian:

-

that time everyone got sucked into the tv:

and promptly lost their faces:

and The Doctor went all Mary Poppins on a misogynist:

-

my least favorite, the first time Mark Gatiss appeared:

and turned into this:

-

and my most favorite, that time there was a (presumably) cis pregnant man:

and when asked if it was a girl or a boy, said that both male and female people of his species could get pregnant - and that men gave birth to boys, and women gave birth to girls.

and the bad guy of the episode was Just A Little Guy who ate everything:

(including a bomb. and not only did it survive, it was finally sated!)

-

these are out of order but there are definitely more. and the point is, like... Doctor Who is weird. it always has been. this isn't even counting Classic Who, as I haven't watched much of it.

and I think we should talk about the underrated episodes more. because they have some really poignant moments:

and also...

it's just fucking hilarious, dude

(evil vampire lady drinking life force through a straw)

[happyimaginaryme]

One Piece Live Action review

WARNING: SPOILERS DONT READ IF YOU DONT WANT SPOILERS!!!!!!

I went into watching this thinking it was going to tank. I honestly thought it was going to be a disaster like Dragon Ball evelution. I was worried about only 8 episodes with first season orgonally having 46. I was worried they were going to change a lot and take away a lot. Make it more dumb. I really had no idea what they were going to do.

I was wrong. The first episode had me shocked. Was there differences? Yes. But they werent bad. They made sense. I rated the first epide 4 of 5 stars. It wasnt perfect but it truly was a good opening episode.

The actrors were amazing. When I seen the postrs and trailors Inwas worried. Sanji missing his eyebroe, Usopp his long nose, and some of the CGI looked a little weird. That was one of the reasons had me worried. Yet the actors did such an amzing job!

Zoro is just fucking perfect. I love him. I love Love love love that they included Mr. 7 and Zoro's fight. That was shook and let me tell you I jumped and nearly squealed when I seen that. They don't show that fight in manga or anime. Its only mentioned.

Mackenyu Did a great job betraying Roronoa Zoro. 5 stars.

Though one of my dissapoitments when it comes to Zoro are three things: First his missing fight with Hatchi and how Luffy is introduced with Zoro. And His fight with mihawk. (Not that it was bad but that 3 people who witnese it I always thought was omportant were not there)

Not seeing Hatchi is a disapointment. However I can see why they may have cut him out. The live action is following the manga as close as it can while also being realistic. But we see Hatchi again in later arcs. Before timeskip and right after. It would be hard to justify soneone who worked for Arlong (who pretty much inslaved Nami) make him a good and likeable charector? I mean I dont hate Hatachi from the manga/Anime but I never understood why Nami would be okay with associating with him regardless if he wasnt one who did anything to her or not. So that could be why they left him out? Another reason could be time. They only had 8 episodes to work with. Could they fit a third fight sceen in the one episode? Hard to say. Or even his 6 arms could have been an issue. Not sure. But still I really like his fight with Zoro. Still the fight sceen with Zoro and Sanji working wonders together is amazing and makes up for it. It was still a good part and yeah its a sisspointment not seeing Hatachi but at the same time The fight and banter with Sanji makes up for it.

Now one dispoinment which is me more nit picking when it comes to Zoro is his introduction with Luffy. Luffy wanted Zoro on his crew by just hearing about him. He didnt see him or know him he was like "yeah? Hes a good fighter? Ima make him my crew. Then he heard what Zoro did for rhe little girl. I really really likes that from the manag. That being said! The way the live action did it was still really good too. Is it a slight bummer? Yeah but not enough for it to be bad. It still good and the point across of Zoro being a good guy stands.

As for his fight witb Mihawk. It was amazing ok? I loved it. Now what is a bit sad to see is no Johnny and Yadaku and Sanji didn't witness the fight. Again its more nit picking but hear me out! In the Manga and Anime Sanji watches the fight and hes angry. He is angry its not him going after his dream but also because its like Zoro is Waisting his dream. I always thought that was important. At least for Sanji's charector. HOWEVER because of the things they changed with Sanji and his story it probably makes sense. Ill get to that when I get to Sanji. Its also a bunner Johnny and Yadaku isnt in this but I get it. Time and money sometimes minor things need to be cut.

Overall though. Every thing with Zoro is jsut so good. Even the things I got a Tad bumbed at (more me nit picking) but even though I was the changes they made I liked.

Lets talk about Usopp. Usopp again I was a little bumbed with no long nose. I mean. Okay. It probably would have been a pain to either CGI it or wear a prostrdic. So I get it. That being said Jacob Romero did a great job! And the only Usopp to get the kiss haha. Now I was happy Usopp got the kiss. At the same time I am like "bah. No romance in OP lol" but damn the Usopp Kiya shipper in me was so happy! Honestly 5 stars for Usopp.

My disapointment with Usospp's arc was no Jango. Like this one I did not get? It was Jango that hipnotized the impoten Kuru to believe he was Kuru in the first place. So unless they are going to bring that into play later? Yeah I have to say thats one of the biggest disapointments. Again not enough for me to hate on or dislike the changes. I really enjoyed the arc. It was more darker and honestly sad to! Like they killed merry! He's supposed to survive! They also cut out Onion carrot and pepper but to be fair a gron man playing with 3 children? Weird lol. Actually I forgot about them until I realized that they were also missing. My more concern was Jango! Even so it was fun to watch. Different and more thrilling.

Nami my dear I enjoyed her. She isn't my favorate in any addaption but I still like the charecter. I thought Emily Rudd played her well. 4.5 stars. My only issue is I felt like she was a little stiff at times at first? But she really started to shine towards the end. Like she was amazing. If it wasnt for the first episode or two where I felt she was off I would give her 5 starts. Its again nit picking! Because she was amazing!

Lets talk about Luffy though. I thought Iñaki Godoy was amazing. Like he was amazing Luffy. 5 stars. I almost almost want to say 4.5 of 5 stars because there were times where I think Luffy would be smiling or doing something dumb he was more serious? But I didn't care so much because this isnt the Anime and its not the manga. Its live action and some things need ro be realistic. So I got it. And he the actor loved being Luffy and you can see he did his best at ir. Like he was made for this part!

Now I want to get into Sanji. I kept Sanji for last because he's not only my fave OP char he is my fave Anime/Manga char of all the anime/manga I read and love. Like he is #1 in my book. He is the Goat! So out of the first 5 straehats, if I was going to nit pick anyone it was going to be Taz Skylar's betryal of Sanji.

I was not dissapointed. He did a fantastic Job. I was impressed to know that he not only learned kick boxing and cooking he also did his own stunts. Fucking impressive for any actor. 5 stars. Dude. I loved it. We still got to see that anger and cussing he does but most of all we got to see his kidness.

Was there disapointments in his episodes? Yeah. It sucks that we didnt get to see his fight with Ging. That is one great fight. The whole Gin crying because he cant kill Sanji and taking the poison gas? Holy hell. I get it they didnt have time to do the whole don kerig saga. But daaamn that is the biggest disapointments.

Howeever! The changes they made was still good. Because if this serious continued and we learn of Sanji's past with Germma then I think I underdtand. Yes I like the Sanji disagreeing with Luffy to join banter and Sanji in general being more angry at the start. But his nonchalant more easy going side is.... refreshing and part of Sanji we dont see much until later. I like that they are focused on Sanji's kindness! Hes always introduced in the manga as 'A kind hearted chef who lives woman' in every issue of the manga.

The Live action is really focused on Sanji's kindness but also his silly side that he can be sometimes. Still top fighter next to Zoro. But more playful. In both Anime and Manga Sanji is seen eating and enjoying rhe party. But here in the live action he is the one cooking and serving. Like they are really highlighting the kindess in Sanji here. So yeah I was dissapointed that there was no Gin fight but. Again it was changed in a delightful way! Like I like the change. It was like the writers went to Oda. "Hey. We want to highlight Sanji's kindess how can we change this without xhanging his actual past story and what not?" And oda was like "well...do this" or something. Because it worked. They made Sanji's intro still sad as fuck wirh him and Zeff on the rock. The two still share the same relationship and they highlight Sanji's kindness. Also I kinda like the tone down womanizing.

Also the Zoro and Sanji bantering? My ZoSan shipping heart is like Yuuuusss!

So yeah I had some dissapointments. I was hoping for Sanji to witness the mihawk fight. Even if it was out the window ya know? I do feel like it was important. Alas. But all that asside I loved it.

One more char I want to talk about it Buggy. This mofo is brillant betryal. Still Buggy but darker. More intresting!

So over all I give it a 4 of 5 stars. Not perfect but still fucking fantastic.

[onesaltysir]

I need to settle this with myself, I can't decide if it's a good movie or not. Debate material under cut.

Eva Gabor slays as Miss Bianca (my queen) both times so that's an automatic yes from me. The story itself was also not bad.

On the other hand the animation threw me off because I've always been so loyal to the original 1977 The Rescuers. Milt Kahl's animation is such a big deal to me, that was the best era of Disney and I will not be hearing other opinions because they are wrong.

The egg scene with Johanna and Mcleach in the kitchen? Made me smile during my surgery recovery. Animated movies rarely make me smile. That scene was peak cinematic gold.

The absolute deciding factor is if Jake is sexy or not. Now for the record I am 100% team Bernard. Thicc mouse man with a dumpy and a big heart? Yes maam. (He also has a slight stutter. As a stutterer myself, child me instantly fell in love when my father had me watch the original for the first time.) But there's just something about Jake's charm. That Indiana Jones ass kangaroo rat could punt me into the sun and I can’t tell if I would thank him or dropkick that Crocodile Dundee motherfucker.

Miss Bianca, however, has been and always will be my favourite. Everyone has a crush on her everywhere she goes and she looks so put together but I promise you she is so fucking autistic and probably does Jello shots with whoever wishes to humour her. Just watch the original, and then this is emphasized in Down Under. Fucking icon. God is a white mouse from Hungary with a purple hat.

That being said, let's turn back to the animation. What are these CGI scenes doing in here? Now mind you, overall I *am* impressed with the CGI. This movie came out in 1990 and they combined 2D animation with so many near flawless CGI shots. But why though? The combination was awesome, it slayed, it served. But there was just something about it that seemed so corny to me and I can’t place my finger on it.

And what are these size proportions? Cody is six years old acording to the Disney Wiki. If you are familiar with six year olds, then you know those things aren't exactly tiny. Why is he able to ride on that eagle? Golden eagles are real birds however they are smaller than bald eagles. Bald eagles are large birds but they are not that large. In fact the largest eagle as of right now is the giant Philippine eagle, which is only a meter tall. A six year old can’t ride that. Not only did Marahute fly hundreds of metres in the air supporting an entire six year old and then some, but she was also large enough for this kid to pitch a medium sized tent on. What the hell. Fake ass bird.

Another problem I have is that it takes place in Australia. So why in the absolute FUCK does Cody sound like he's from Nebraska USA? Riddle me fucking that. Mcleach is understandable because he's a poacher, probably dropped in from the US. In fact he sounds like he's from Tennessee so you know his ass did. But come on. Cody? He's a six year old born and raised in Australia. The only characters with Australian accents were two kangaroos, a koala, and Cody's mother. His mother is a stretch though, Edinburgh sounding ass bitch.

Also what six year old owns a large pocket knife? Cody if you don't put that shit down and go work on your colouring book. I swear to god.

What redeems it for me is Bianca and Bernard. Jake really thought he could pull Bianca from the perfect man. Bernard respects Bianca with everything he has, he continually gave her everything he could. Bernard loved her, and Bianca loved him back. Jake tried to shit on her man and Bianca said 'I think the fuck not.'

And yes. I know Bernard is some Hobbit ass motherfucker. He didn’t wanna go on the trip to save Penny in the original, he hates flying, he hates adventure, but Bianca taught him to love that and it was beautiful. He tried it for her and found out that he did love it after all. Bianca brought out his courage, and Bernard brought out her heart. They're the best Disney duo. Fuck you.

I got distracted. The question I want to answer is, is The Rescuers Down Under a great movie or is it a horrible movie? It's not just good or bad. You either love it or you hate it, and I can't decide.

Miss Bianca supremacy for life.

[male1971]

Ranking the Indiana Jones movies

I just finished watching all five Indiana Jones movies over three nights. I thought now would be a good time to rank them from best to worst:

1. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) - Of course it is #1. It is the original and the best. It set the standard that all the subsequent movies are judged by.

2. Dial of Destiny (2023) - Yes, you are just as surprised as I am that I ranked this #2. It really came down to nostalgia. This movie had complete respect for ALL of the movies that preceded it and each of them got a call-out or easter egg in some way. It hit every mark that I would expect from an Indiana Jones movie. It was fun, entertaining, and made me cry.

3. The Last Crusade (1989) - Everyone loves The Last Crusade. I fully expected it to be my #2. The Last Crusade came out the summer I graduated from high school. I read the book. I played the video game. It is funny and Sean Connery is great. And who knows, maybe a week from now I will move it back to #2. But right now, having just finished The Dial of Destiny, I am giving it a slight nudge above The Last Crusade.

Now we are getting into, which is worse? The Temple of Doom or The Crystal Skull?

The ONLY thing The Temple of Doom has going for it is Ke Huy Quan. Short Round is the heart of a very dark movie. (Kate Capshaw is no Karen Allen.) The whole movie was filmed on a sound stage, so visually it was dark as well as the story being stagnant, taking place in only one location. And Indiana Jones hitting Short Round in the face almost killed the franchise in that one instant.

The Crystal Skull has a lot going for it. Karen Allen is back. They are globetrotting again. There are Nazi's again... er, I mean, the Russians. But here is what I think is its weakest link - the CGI. Part of what made the Indiana Jones movies was that Harrison Ford did most of his own stunts and they used practical special effects in the movies. In The Crystal Skull it was all very bad CGI. Very fake. And parts of the movie dragged. It just fell flat.

I think I will give The Temple of Doom the nudge over Crystal Skull just on the back of Ke Huy Quan himself. I asked myself, "If you had to watch either Temple of Doom or Crystal Skull right now, which would you pick?" I'd rather watch Ke Huy Quan as Short Round than Shia LaBeouf as Indy's son and Cate Blanchet as the villain.

4. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984)

5. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)

[ben-the-hyena]

Ok so I did watch the Haunted Mansion movie the day before yesterday. I almost did before and as said chickened out because I was sure it was gonna be shit, but ended up going because "don't be stupid give it a chance, HM has a thousand canons, it's its own and won't affect the ones you love. If you don't like it, it will just be on it's own. And you did like the 2003 movie as flawed and not respectful of the ride's spirit as it is"

And... I apologize to this movie. It was very good !

Spoilers below

I feel bad to have chickened out before. It DID respect the spirit (the trailer and summary were misleading, they intended to exorcise them all AT FIRST and they were not all evil, a majority turns out good and lovable and goofy and mischievous when they follow you home and do know you enough and don't want innocent people to be killed, they act and chat casual to each other a "lively" natural way when seen through the lens of the ghost realm and in the end FUCKING FINALLY Disney UNDERSTOOD they are meant to STAY because it is their home and the humans and them coexist happily in the end !!! FINALLY NO MORE "they are sad and need to go to the Other Side" BYT AKNOWLEDGING THEY ARE THE 999 *HAPPY* HAUNTS WHO STAY HERE BECAUSE THEY CHOOSE TO) and there were so many good Easter eggs so I feel like it was made with love by peoole who do know the ride and its lore

I liked little details like how Master Gracey's (who for ONCE is cute to me ; I love moustaches ok) name was William like in the SLG comics (and the name I use in my headcanon), Constance even if evil (and psychotic as most adaptations make her, sigh) FOR ONCE is not the main villain and ends up fighting against the common enemy, the Ghost Host even if never named IS there instead of being fused with Master Gracey like he used to always be on adaptations (too bad he is evil and apparently supportive of Crump but oh well, he always was ambiguous and meant to be interpreted however we wanted), the old lady in the Stretching portraits NOT being Constance like she used to be before being retconned as her (and even being grey haired like she used to be), how "no flash pictures please" for the ride was incorporated as a genuine in-universe thing NOT to do or it will hurt YOU, how the professor's transparent coat and hat were hints at the old transparent plastix clothes the old animatronics wear for their effect to work, and how they all were terrified and most looked evil in the trailerd not out of evil but essentially like the ghost who hits the kid in the Sixth Sense to finally have the mortals do something and help them showing they are not pure forces of magic and supernatural and in fact start helping in return when the mortals finally understand and coexist happily like friends when all is good (like the same Knight who earlier had fun scaring them all giving Ben a slight little nod to tell him to hide under the table ; it was a serious dangerous moment, no time for scaring)

Also it was great to see all the rooms and recognize them. And I actually loved the music, not a fan of the Grim Grinning Ghosts party remix in the end but the New Orleans jazzy touches here and there did put me in the mood especially at the start. The CGI wasn't always great (GOSH IS ALISTAIR CRUMP UGLY... I STILL STAND BY IT, CGI WENT SO FAR ALL FOR HIM TO LOOK LIKE A POLE EXPRESS CHARACTER) but when it worked it SLAPPED (genuine scary moments like Travis seeing Constance for the first time, for a Disney movie it truly felt like a Conjuring scene, and all the ghosts hiding and running from Alistair the first scene we finally see him was BADASS and scary with the score helping), the pictures taken by the elaborate camera really felt like ghost pictures that are debatable as real or not with only the silhouette and details appearing and not a clear picture, and even if MANY things were predictable (I knew for the cat IMMEDIATELY, and Travis' dad being dead just the way he spoke of him, and it was so obvious Ben and Gabbie would end up together), many also caught me off guard (the fact it was not Travis' dad but Alistair Crump passing as him for one year holy SHIT talk about villainous patience and awfully deliciously evil to try to push a grieving lonely bullied child to suicide by passing as his dead dad "don't you love me?" and I did not expect Kent not to be a real priest that was a hilarious plot twist). The humans, even if I STILL want an adaptation that focuses on the ghosts as main characters one day and am a bit tired of real estate plots, were not insufferable and forgetable like I imagined they would be, they all had their motivations and interactions making them likable, Ben's arc to finally mourn his wife was touching, Travis felt like a real child and was not annoying on the contrary he makes you need to hug him for all the shit he goes through, the medium first passes as a bitch who ends up being actually nice and effective, Gabbie even if she is the one who marks the least is a good mom and doesn't take shit for granted (meanwhile the movers still didn't come lol), the professor is an eccentric grumpy old guy who finally knows childlike joy at the prospect of being there after having studied its cases without ever visiting it for 60 years despite having heart problems (which... went nowhere. Seriously ? At this point he could have been the 999th ghost, what was the point of hinting he will die of fright if he doesn't ?) and Kent is the kind of lovable scammer who speaks a lot who ends up becoming genuine

Not perfect tho. I did laugh at some humor like Kent's hints he is not a real priest by being questionable, the medium and the professor, and the Scooby Doo chase between Kent and the evil ghosts, but I am not fan of the other half (gosh do i hate Wellon speak anf quirky jokes Disney pulls these days in its Marvel movies and animated shows, that still made me cringe as shit) and I think some stuff are solved too easily (really Kent ? You managed to have the evil ghosts who knew they were doing evil be on your side just by telling them Alistair will do nothing for them ? As if after 150 years there they did not see by themselves he was evil and would never repay anyone !? Also WHY WERE THEY JUST STANDING THERE THE WHOLE TIME THE GOOD GUYS DISCUSS WHAT TO DO AND HOW TO SAVE THE HAT FROM BURNING AND PREVENT ALISTAIR FROM DOING HIS SCHEME WITHOUR STOPPING THEM OR INFORMING HIM ? THEY ARE SO FUCKING DUMB HOLY SHIT) and I thought some stuff were wasted potential (really ? The Hitchhiking Ghosts exist and it is hinted Ezra is the one who follows Gabbie and Travis to their hotel but never they are aknowledged as being the main ghosts to follow you home and the ghost who helps them outside of the Mansion is a sailor ? Are you kidding me ?) Also, a nitpick but the actress they took to play Leota really did not feel like Leota to me, she really did not look like her at all, I never thought I'd say it but Jennifer Tilly from the 2003 movie looked more like her. Also no Singing Busts ? Unless they were quick I did not see them. Oh come on, the theme song should have be sung by them !

NOW THE MAIN COURSE : I DID enjoy Alistair Crump. He was a very, very good villain. Ok I was not a fan of how the Crump manor scene was there to show you how eeeeevuuuul he is (his chair is higher than others at dinner to have them feel small ! He doesn't want people to sit anywhere else because sadism ! He openly shows his wife he cheats on her by hanging the portrait of his new mistress before her just to humiliate her ! He felt contempt for women especially if they can *gasp* read ! HE EVIL ZOMG *0* holy shit...) but like you all I def loved the scene about his backstory. All the animation budget went there, it really felt like the kind of urban legend/rumor turned into legend you can hear about a mysterious local historical figure, and even if it did not excuse his behavior it did explain how a traumatized unhelped child can become somber snd dangerous). Alistair Crump felt threatening, was manipulative, was omniscient and dangerous always there knowing even when the protagonists plot against him and is defeated only because one changes his mind at the last moment

But... note how I did not refer to him as the Hatbox Ghost once in that post. Ok I DO know the HBG can be evil and already was, like in the SLG comics (which I think it takes inspiration from. Evil Hatbox Ghost pushing William Gracey to suicide to join his dead bride/wife resulting in the mansion's curse). But to the extent of being a Satanist with more powerful powers than everyone else, terrorizing everyone even Constance just by his mere presence, only wanting sad/dark music to be played, omniscient of everything, manipulative mastermind who plans his plot one year in advance like a guess game, wants to keep the ghosts for himself to terrorize forever, laughs evilly and when you think you win happily breaks your hopes... that's not the Hatbox Ghost. That's the Phantom. He even looks like him at times, his clothes are more similar to his than Hattie's. It shoule have been the Phantom or gis own original character. Seriously Disney the Phantom was RIGHT THERE, why fusing them into one ? It really felt like, magnifying a silly ghost just because he is a famous character, he is seen like a demon not even as a ghost and it's just a guy with a hatbox, that felt kinda... not underwhelming becausd Alistair is badass and legetimately threatening, but it's like I made a reboot of the G3 MLP, had Kimono be feared and everyone fearing her because she is the most powerful and when you see her she is a normal purple pony with a Christmas tree decoratings cutie mark but who speaks evil snd laughs evilly, jusg because she is one of of the most known G3 ponies so was randomly picked instead of another more fitting character for such a role, you see what I mean ? Also like another post says... uh... Gracey died in 1788. So why does Alistair who is supposed to be already dead by the time the Graceys come dresses up like he's from the 1860's ? Does he die in the future but ghost summoning affects space and time !?

...without Crump anymore are they just 998 in the end ? Even less since a minority did go back to the Other Side when given the choice ?

Anyways it was a good movie. Much better than the 2003 one even if not perfect. I recommend

[wickedwizdom]

Lets talk Knights of the Zodiac:

This review will be mostly positive based on my own experience but I still will have my criticisms as I go along. To begin I want to be very transparent here and say after watching this movie: It is NOT--I repeat--NOT “Dragon Ball Evolution 2.0” like many people claim online. This movie's characters, script, dialogue, action, and story are leaps and bounds more faithful to the source material it is adapting and showing respect for it all the same. I'm positive those who keep claiming that it is have never watched the movie or are just speaking utter nonsense because let’s be real: Dragon Ball Evolution is beyond bad and KOTZ—objectively—is not.

This movie is perfectly fine; very fun I might add. It definitely stands up there with the likes of Alita: Battle Angel in terms of anime adaptations and as a movie it gets the job done.

Now for the fans going into this story expecting it to be verbatim like the original animanga, you are not going to find that here. This movie is very much an origin story for this particular universe of Saint Seiya with its own key lore and world building that takes influence from the Netflix reboot but actually executed those aspects better in comparison to how the CG show did it. I certainly appreciate this movie trying something new with its setting and story in comparison to LoS which told a very rushed rendition of the Silver Saints and Twelve Temples arc and I believe if this movie did the same thing, my expectations would be significantly lower and my criticisms far more harsher.

From an objective standpoint, this movie’s pacing definitely could use some improvement. I definitely appreciate what the writers and directors could give with the runtime they had but when it comes to character such as Nero and Seiya and Sienna’s time spent bonding, there’s definitely something to be left desired, Nero especially but we’ll get to him later. The script itself is okay, can be basic in some areas, cheesy in others but never anything that made me actually cringe. The movie’s music is otherwise really good. The orchestral Pegasus Fantasy rendition was definitely a highlight of the film for me and the music that plays through a lot of the action and somber scenes is really atmospheric.

To add, I know there were some fans that complained that not all the bronzes were here but I’m pretty sure that was for the movie’s benefit. Introducing so many characters all at once would mean that audiences would have no time to connect with them and the story would have been bloated and full of plot holes. I love how they kept the core cast as just Seiya, Nero, and Sienna for the time being to get us more familiar to their world before moving onto the others.

As for other things, the set pieces and CGI aren't terrible. It's definitely a step above most tokusatsu shows and movies but not on the level of something like Alita or some MCU movies. It's passable but definitely not a complete eye sore.

Some shots are a bit goofy but they don't linger too long and I think it adds to the charm of this being an otherwise fun action film based on an even more zany and violent anime. The fights are all well-choreographed and filmed. I saw some complaints about the lighting being dark but that's not the case here. Everything in the movie is well lit and it's obvious who's who.

I thought the armors looked pretty okay and knowing that Kurumada actually approved them looking more medieval and archaic rather than how they were in the original animanaga makes for a nice creative detail that gives this movie more uniqueness in the StS verse.

Slight spoilers here but it is confirmed and shown in the movie that the armors do in fact evolve like how they do in the original manga and anime so if this movie does get its potential sequels, I look forward to seeing how they translate that.

⚠️SPOILERS FROM HERE ON OUT⚠️

To move onto characters I enjoyed a majority of the main cast throughout the movie. Everyone not only understood the characters they were portraying but giving them their own charm and nuances to make them feel more like individuals.

To start with the main man Seiya, he's a lot more reserved here, because he is a lot older, but some of his attitude from the animanaga still remains like his brash attitude and his unwavering resolve to never give up. His character is quite complex with this movie going further in detail about the conflict he has with losing his sister, his obsession with finding her, and his hesitance to accept Sienna as a goddess until he witnesses it for himself. I appreciate them putting more and more time into emphasizing Seiya's relationship with his sister and Seiya at a crossroads between finding her and protecting Sienna all at once as opposed to how the anime/manga did it.

Seika is almost forgotten after the first few episodes/chapters of the original so it was nice to see that she had more of an impact on Seiya's character here.

Next, we have Sienna and I'm going to say that she is the best iteration of the Saori Kido character. While some of the pacing of her scenes were a little off at times, it didn't matter because I was engaged with what they did with her in this film. This story focuses on Sienna's humanity as opposed to the original where Saori has pretty much already accepted what she is and we never truly get to see a lot of her struggle with her heritage and most of that was relegated to the very beginning of the series. Here, Athena is the equivalent of a malevolent spirit that Sienna is constantly trying to drown out. From the way, she speaks about Athena to her parents and how that separated them feels real. She is a toung woman who’s not only caught in the middle of a broken family she cares for but is essentially a ticking time bomb. She accepts that she may not be herself one day but you can tell that deep down she doesn't want to believe that. She starts off as the typical haughty rich girl towards Seiya and while I do think that their relationship could have used a few more scenes of them getting used to each other, it still feels plausible that he cares for her I’m the end. I would be a bit of a brat too if I was going to become doomsday incarnate one day. Here she suffers loss but in turn finds a new purpose and reason to keep living. At a core it is her human side that matters most.

I also adore that Sienna starts off not in complete control of her cosmo. It gives more presence to the gods in this scenario and how dangerous their cosmo is to a regular human. It makes me really excited to see what gods late like in this universe but only time will tell.

Moving onto Alman and Guraad since they're basically two sides of the same coin. Making Alman a morally ambiguous man who is not all good fits very in line with the Mitsumasa in the original animanaga. The slow unraveling of the truth that he first and foremost only cares about his daughter is perfect and sets up the domino effect that will extend to all the children he used as a means to an end.

Guraad on the other hand is a MILLION times better than the Guraad in the Netflix reboot. Not only does she feel appropriate as an antagonist but she gives better layer to the conflict of fighting against the gods and at the same time having to come with the burden of killing her surrogate daughter to do so. Sienna and Guraad share a bond that feels genuine and when her maternal instincts shine it's wonderfully executed. It adds so much more emotionally weight knowing that a complete accident on Sienna’s end pushed away who she considered family and Guraad realizing that to makes her attempt to save Sienna feel earned.

Moving onto Alman and Guraad since they're basically two sides of the same coin. Making Alman a morally ambiguous man who is not all good fits very in line with the Mitsumasa in the original animanaga. The slow unraveling of the truth that he first and foremost only cares about his daughter is perfect and sets up the domino effect that will extend to all the children he used as a means to an end.

Now we have Nero. I love Ikki in almost every universe and here it is no different. The mystery behind his character and past along with him as an antagonist is one of the best but weakest aspects of his character in this movie in my opinion. His true motives are unclear but from what a lot of people have speculated and based on Diego himself, his motivations largely have to do with Shun. Potentially Nero does not know where his brother is and I think that would make for a great parallel between Seiya and Nero if this series is to continue. He definitely has a vendetta against the gods and has the Sagittarius armor in his possession but at what ends? His character toward the end leaves more questions than answers and I wish we got a fair balance of flashbacks from his perspective to compare/contrast with Seiya’s. He is a threat through and through and the movie does well in establishing the bar that is set between him and Seiya. He's definitely a character I want to see expanded upon more in the future and what ulterior motives he has going on as it seems that Guraad was a stepping stone for things to come. I want more of him and I hope to god we do.

Marin is, dare I say, perfect. Everything from her nonchalant demeanor, to the way she trains Seiya, THE WAY SHE GOES TO SLEEP and her presence she's easily another favorite of mine in the movie next to Sienna. We get just enough of her to see what she's all about but like Nero, I hope we do see more of her. She serves the purpose she’s meant to in the story and I was quite confused about her “bound to this island by destiny” schtick (which was really an excuse to keep her out of the third arc) but overall she’s just awesome.

And last but not least Mylock. Easily he's better than Tatsumi by a country mile. The writers actually managed to make a dull asshole of a character into a fun and entertaining one. His action scenes were a highlight and were just classic king fu action that I just adore.

The story overall centers around the ideals surrounding family, humanity, and fighting through a destiny that’s not completely set in stone. It’s very anime but at the same time is personable and relatable in some way or another.

To conclude : Knights of the Zodiac is a fun film with great action, solid writing, a talented main cast of characters, and I was genuinely surprised at how much I ended up liking it. It shows respect or to the source material while doing its own thing and that’s honestly the best route it could have gone. It could have been way worse.

It’s a solid 7/10. Had some bumps in the road but it managed to make it to its destination safe and sound. Regardless of performance, I will definitely watch sequels.

[eunchancorner]

Ok this might be a bit out of the ordinary, but bear with me pls. Ler Bob and Lee Kevin. Hear me out! The candy teases and methods Bob could use

‘You taste sweeter than candy’ while nibbling

I guess this could take place where Bob isn’t a murderous cannibal?(This popped in my head and I found it cute I’m sorry)

Feel free to take this as a request if you want. If not, have a good day :D

BIG BRAIN- Oki oki so yea I saw this AU floating around where Bob is more like an uncle or babysitter to Skid and Pump so let’s just say this is that. And he’s also friends with Kevin (and, ofc, Streber) bc yes

Ler Bob, Lee Kevin (Also a bit of Ler Streber and Lee Bob)

Warning: A lot of cussing lmao

Word count: 1092

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kevin stood from the couch with a slight groan as he heard a knock at the door, leaving the movie he had been watching playing in the background. He walked over to the door of his small apartment, opening it and being scooped into a big, warm hug before he knew what was happening.

Of course, it didn’t take much for him to understand. Him, Bob and Streber had been planning a movie night for some time now and tonight was the fateful night. The movies Kevin had been watching were far less realistic horror movies to help him prepare himself (he seemed to be the only one in this damn town who struggled with watching horror movies) and Streber had gone out to get more candy, knowing how much it’d be appreciated. Kevin would have been working but thankfully he had a day off today, so Streber had gone to the grocery store and wouldn’t be back for a while. And, of course, Bob had offered to make dinner for the night, stopping by the grocery store himself and picking up some steak on the way to Kevin’s place.

Bob had apparently decided to hug him before saying a single word, which was pretty typical for him. After the hug, he set Kevin back on his feet, a grocery bag dangling from his hand that no doubt contained their dinner for the night.

“Kevin, nice to see you again. Where’s your lil’ boyfriend?” he asked, his height allowing him to easily see over his friend and into the otherwise empty apartment.

“He’s out buying candy for us, since we figured with you around, we’d probably need more,” Kevin explained, stepping aside so Bob could come in.

“Aw, c’mon, I don’t eat that much candy!”

“Last year you ate me, Streber’s AND your candy!”

“Can ya blame me? You two weren’t gonna finish it anyway,” he argued as he put the steak in the fridge, before he sat down on the couch, Kevin sitting beside him. He snorted a little at the movie he had put on.

“Is this really what you’re watchin?” he asked, smirking a bit at the small blush he saw rising on his friend’s cheeks.

“Listen, horror movies aren’t my thing, so I’m trying to mentally prepare myself.”

“For what? Shitty CGI and the most fake-lookin props? Trust me, you’re gonna wanna try some real horror movies to steel yourself. This ain’t gonna cut it,” he told him, poking the much shorter man in the forehead. Kevin swatted his hand away, growling slightly.

“If I can’t prepare myself with bad horror movies, how am I gonna prepare at all?” he countered, both nervous and a little fed-up.

“What, you can’t take a little horror? Poor Kevin, are you gonna scream at a little monster?~” Bob teased his tiny (in comparison) friend, making him huff.

“No but… grrr, you’re such an ass,” he complained, attempting (without much success) to shove at the far taller man. Of course, a false offended gasp was the first sign to Kevin that he had fucked up.

“Did you just try to shove me?”

“W-waitwaitwait, Bob, I-I know what you’re thinking, but hear me out!” Kevin panicked, a small smile worming onto his face as he backed into the corner of his couch, already well aware of what his friend had in mind.

“One chance.”

Ok Kevin, don’t fuck this up. DON’T tell him he’s an ass AGAIN out loud. Don’t do it, don’t do it!

“You’re an ass.”

GODDAMMIT.

“Ohohoho, you just fucked up,” Bob stated as though Kevin didn’t already know, grabbing his arm and yanking him closer, pinning him to his chest before using his free hand to claw at his ribs, making the much smaller squeal.

“NAAHAHAHOHOHOHO BOHOHOB! LEHEMME GOHOHO! LEMME GO!” the small ravenette kicked and cackled, pounding his free hand into the chest that entrapped him on one side. He almost hated the way the warmth of his friend’s sweater made him wanna just melt and take it. But at the same time, it tickled so badly and he couldn’t help the instinct to squirm and kick.

“Aw, poor lil candy kid, can’t even take a few tickles?~” the much bigger ravenette teased softly, delighting in the flustered squeal Kevin let out. “Streber must love doin this~”

“SHUHUHUHUT!” said ‘candy kid’ demanded, slamming his hand into Bob’s stomach a little harder than he should have, enough to get him to stop with an “Oof!”

As it slowly loaded into Kevin’s mind what just happened, he looked up at his friend.

Oh fuck.

“Alright that’s fucken IT!”

Before he knew what was happening, the world was moving fast around him and suddenly he was staring at the ceiling, his shirt pulled up past his belly and a certain huge friend playfully nibbling at the exposed tum. He squealed and kicked and pushed at his friend’s head, cackles once again flowing from his lips at just how much it tickled, and Bob’s slight little beard and stupidly fluffy hair only made his situation worse!

“BAHAHAHAB! AHAHA I’M SAHAHAHAREEHEHEHEHE!! PLEHEHEHEASE!” he begged fruitlessly.

“Mmmm” Bob rumbled against his belly, making him squeal brightly yet again, “I might not need that candy, you’re even sweeter~”

“PLEHEHEHEASE!! IHIT TIHIHICKLES SOHOHO BAHAHAD!!”

“Promise to stop callin me an ass and then hurtin me?”

“YEHEHEHES! I PROHOHOHOMIHIHISE!!”

“You sure?~”

“BOHOHOHOHOB!!”

“Fine, fine,” the taller finally let up, laying the smol candy store worker on the couch and getting up to make dinner. Kevin tried his best to regain composure, wiping away tears of mirth, trying to quiet his giggles and will away blush, and letting the tingles in his belly subside. Only a few seconds after Bob left, he heard the door open and that familiar voice.

“Baby, I’m hooome! I got pl- uhh… Did Bob do this?” Streber asked as he saw what had become of his poor, ticklish boyfriend, who nodded tiredly.

“Of course he did. Stay here, guard this, I’ll be back in a few seconds!” he instructed him as he handed him the candy and kissed his forehead before he went into the kitchen.

“Bob! What have I told you about tickling my boyfriend!?” a falsely enraged yell came from the kitchen, one that definitely belonged to Kevin’s dear lover.

“What- wait- S-Streber, I’m cookin STREBER NOHOHO!!” Of course, Kev was never gonna warn Bob of exactly how much revenge he was gonna get. That was for him and him alone to find out.

Though it was fun to listen to.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ah, beautiful bois. Also dw about Kevin, they ended up watching action comedies.

[mechaniz89reviews]

Madame Web Review

Oh boy. Where to start with this? I really wanted to like this film when i first heard it was being made. I had always loved the Madame Web character, especially the 90s animated series version.

But, sadly, it wasn't meant to be.

First of all, this project, at least from my point of view, was kept in the dark. Like, it was hearing it being announced to oh its coming out next week. The fuck?

But anyway, first I'll tell you a spoil free version of what i had an issue with and then give you the points i thought weren't bad or at least, that bad.

Ok, the two things that i felt like sank this film, was

A: The story.

B: The acting.

Story-wise, i felt this story was lazy and predictable. We all saw where everything was going just from the start. As it started, i felt deja-vu because this set up has been done so much. Parent doing something important, then something bad happening which greatly affects the main protagonist later. I felt i was being spoon fed story here.

As for how it ended, I hated the final fight. Some of it was done ok, but it was still predictable and mostly terrible CGI as well as a big WTF moment.

Acting-wise, they were everywhere. At some points, trying way to hard and at others, no where near hard enough. Mostly from the lead actress. Seems like half of the movie, she was barely going through the motions and it shined through. It felt like she found out during filming it wasn't a MARVEL film, but a SONY film. Which shows very VERY well throughout the film.

Now, as for the things I liked.

I enjoyed the Spider-Girls. Yes i know they don't have an official name.

I liked the chemistry the 3 actresses had. Little rough at first but then became pretty fluid and seemed to have fun. Of course, i enjoyed all the sexy spider suits, but this one especially.

Also, she was probably one of my favorite characters.

Safe to assume I'm a Sydney Sweeney fan now and I'd watch any Spider movie with her in it.

Anyways, back to the other stuff i liked.

The other thing i liked was the fact that they used a practical villain... most of the time. Which, even if it's a badly or overused villain type, I'll enjoy a practical villain then a CGI mess.

This is Ezekiel Sims, the big bad of this film. Not the best by any means but I still enjoyed the practical scenes with this actor in the suit. I'm a fan suits and having someone in one on set, interacting with people was awesome. I feel like, this was a preview of what a potential serial killer Spider-Man film could be. just saying.

in short, awesome idea and awesome potential. Meh, execution.

And the final thing that i liked, actually has to do with the trailer. The trailer actually misleads us into thinking one thing about this which turns out to be the other way. Which I love. I hate it when trailers tell you EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THING about the films plot.

This one, at least, misleads us to give us a slight surprise. Which I can appreciate.

Alrighty, think I'll end it here. This film, like sooooo many other Sony films, had so much potential, but it fell short because of the people in charge at Sony...and possibly others but whatever. The hardcore Madame Web or Spider-Man fan may enjoy this film just to see characters on the screen. Otherwise, this film is pretty damn bad. My love for the Madame Web character is the only reason I'm not completely blowing this film to hell.

I give it a 2/10.

2/23/2024

Ya FUCKED it up again Sony.

[x0401x]

Yes, please do a post after every Tsurune ep, reading them from your pov is amazing!! :D

Ask and ye shall receive. Here comes my opinion of episode 7. Really sorry for taking so long with this!

I usually begin with the positive points when doing these reviews, but I have to break this default here because I've never thought we'd come to this with KyoAni out of all studios. I almost fell off my chair with the horrible CGI in this episode. Yes, 3D and 2D walk hand-in-hand, especially for anime like Tsurune, but the viewers are not supposed to spot the 3D. I did mention before that the animation quality suddenly decreases at certain moments in this season, and this episode has been the worst example of that so far. This legit terrifies me and what makes it worse is that there are several causes for it. And again, this isn't just KyoAni. All Japanese animation studios have been seeing even if just a slight downgrade in overall quality for a few years now. We've just lost another one to this horrifying trend. I know it doesn't seem so bad and sounds like I'm exaggerating here, but this is unthinkable to the standards of such big-name studios. Unfortunately, the tendency is for it to continue, at least for now.

Another thing that bothered me is that this episode seems to be focused on long shots and showing the character's faces as least frequently as possible in order to mask the drop in quality. This is actually a commendable decision, since they're not just giving us static shots that feel a few seconds too lengthy, and instead are using these moments to explore the locations (gotta love that drawing of Kaito on the black board, for example). But it's hard to ignore the discrepancy in art style between said long shots and the contrasting close-ups.

Okay, enough about the animation and on to the story.

It's easy to tell from the first few minutes that KyoAni is still pushing Seiya as the MVP. Just as Seiya was the one who got Minato to realize where and how he had messed up in the tournament with the brilliant idea to record everything, and just as he was an indirect assistance to Kaito and Nanao making up not just by arranging for them to meet up at the dojo but also giving Kaito a prep talk, we have him being ahead of everyone once again in this episode. It's obvious from the beginning that, whatever the boys are trying to grasp here, he already has it all down and is just waiting for them to catch up to him. Yamamura Takuya might as well just make Seiya the protagonist at this point.

The whole deal here was about teamwork once again, but this time around, it was specifically about synchronization. Which, I must say, is one more thing that we should've had in S1 and are getting only now, therefore creating a disconnect between the level that this team should be and the level that it currently is. Just as I discussed in episode 6 that Minato shouldn't have to relearn everything from scratch because that's narratively inconsistent, the same applies to the way that the boys' team is relearning how to... well, be a team. They'd already been doing all of this for a while now, so it's kind of confusing to see them act like it's the first-ever time that they're trying it (not to mention it makes the viewers wonder how the hell they won the prefecturals when they can't even line up properly). Literally all of these movements and tips that they’re just figuring out are things they had been doing perfectly fine until this point and they wouldn’t even be able to participate in tournaments without knowing these basics in the first place. Yet suddenly they don’t. Make it make sense.

Another thing I'd like to make sense of is... why is Eisuke poor in the anime? I get that KyoAni is trying to sell him as someone Relatable TM, but that's going a bit overboard. He already has biological disadvantages (photosensibility), mental disadvantages (claustrophobia), club-related disadvantages (no dojo, no coach) and even spiritual disadvantages (wrong mindset being a bitch in general). There's already enough to sympathize without actually rooting for him. The scenes of Eisuke working hard at a café and having no money to hang out with his colleagues coming right in-between Ryouhei visiting Shuu's extravagant estate are kind of... not a very good look. Eisuke's situation in the anime sort of validate his envy. Makes it seem reasonable, and the only motive as to why it's not truly reasonable is because envy is Bad and you shouldn't harbor it even when the world is so ridiculously unfair. Miss me with that bullshit. I want this little shit to be the spoiled brat he is in canon. Life gave him lemons and he decided to take them and throw on other people. No amount of handicaps can redeem him from the pettiness of having lost to his juniors one (1) time.

All right, now following in this reverse order, we have the good points coming up!

I quite like that this episode showed a side of Masaki we hadn't gotten to see in S1, which is the pure-hearted, childlike elation he displays at his disciples fumbling for solutions and working together to solve problems. S1 was hellbent on the weird revenge stuff and kinda forgot that this guy genuinely loves to see his pupils making progress. The whole point of Masaki as a character is that he doesn’t see himself as the best fit for the job, but he actually is. Because he actually cares about these kids. Because he isn’t using them for revenge in canon. Because that doesn’t suit his personality at all in any possible way. And apparently, KyoAni at last understands that now, thank you very much.

One more thing that got butchered in S1 and this episode finally gave to us was Masaki's second nickname, "pervy old man". I gotta say I was particularly pleased by the fact that Minato's face and voice when he said it were exactly like how I'd imagined it when reading the books, but I'm still not digging the way that this was framed to make Masaki look like an actual pervert for the things he says without thinking. I get that the animators are trying to go for some lighthearted comic relief here, but underneath the joke, it's evident that they're also using these tidbits to poke fun at anything that seems remotely not-heterosexual in the series.

Sounds like another exaggeration, I know, but looking back at S1 and then at this episode, it's easy to find a pattern where Masaki either spouts a double entendre or is caught performing an action that doesn't seem appropriate, and when confronted by anyone about it, he responds in either a desperate or exasperated manner in order to clear up the misunderstanding immediately. These double entendres or actions always frame Masaki as preying on the boys, which is, of course, something that would never happen, so it's all played as a joke. The message this sends out is that the other person is totally overreacting, because Masaki would never make advances on his pupils, except this card is only ever used on the boys, specifically. So what we get between the lines is that making presumptions about Masaki's reckless word choice is ridiculous not just because he clearly isn't into kids, but also because that would be gay.

It's a simple recipe. We viewers are shown ambiguity on purpose and yet we're treated like we're reading too much into it if we so much as assume that it's ambiguous in the first place. Because if we assume it's ambiguous, we're also presuming the presence of homoerotic subtext, which is then shot down as something far-fetched, if not near-impossible. You know those scenes in movies where someone’s trying to connect the dots and comes up with overarching explanations as to how A relates to B, only to be dismissed by other characters telling them that they’re watching too much TV or something? That’s the vibe I get from this cheap-ass narrative device. It’s almost as if KyoAni is speaking directly to us, like, “I know this seems gay as fucking hell, but how dare you assume it's gay! You're implying that this perfectly decent man is a predator!”

Don't get me wrong, of course Masaki isn't actually suggesting or doing anything other than what he's supposed to. But what rubs me wrong about this approach is the fact that it gets gayness and p*dophilia lumped together. That's how KyoAni subtly rids this series of any unjustified gayness (i.e. gayness where you can't pay the "they're really good friends" card). And this is probably the clearest example of the difference between how the anime handles the gay subtext and how the novel does it. The anime makes it come from Masaki, in ways that are wholly unnatural, mostly through word usage that anyone with the bare minimum of common sense would never go for. It then makes the kids react negatively so that Masaki can brush off the delusions of these silly teenagers, because just how far ahead of themselves do they have to get to assume that their coach would want anything of the sort with them!

True enough, he would never want anything of that nature. The novel totally agrees with this. Except it doesn't laugh the gay away as a joke, oh no. The novel takes the gay very seriously. Which is why it gives the subtext from Minato's perspective.

Always from Minato's perspective.

Whenever we have anything coming from Masaki that looks or sounds like something else, it's from Minato's POV, 100% of the time. Not even other characters. Only Minato. And when it sounds like something else, it's usually Masaki being funny, but when it looks like something else, that's mostly Minato being confronted with something he wants that is directly related to Masaki, but that he can't have. Take the scene that this anime equivalent was based off as an example. Everybody (Seiya also tipped in) getting to have an exclusive lecture from Masaki, except for Minato. And there's great emphasis on the fact that everybody got to touch Masaki while Minato didn't. Plus the fact that even Shuu got to have his own share of it, despite him being from a whole different school. And Minato keeps sulking at how unfair all of that is, for days. He wanted to be there. Heck, he wanted to be the only one who gets this privilege. He has to hold it back and it gnaws at him. The pinning is real and it's never framed as negative, because it isn't.

When all is said and done, he manages to keep his ground. And in the end, he gets some sort of compensation for it, which always comes in the form of a private lesson and quality time. That's where he gets to have twice if not thrice as much of what he initially wanted. This is Ayano Kotoko working in accordance to Zen principles: you fight your inner demonds and desires, and for that, you get compensated with enlightenment. In Minato's case, he gets compensated both with that and... with Masaki. As far as plot devices go, that's just mandatory in the novel. It has both a character development and storytelling purpose and acts as a nod to Japanese archery and Buddhist ideologies, so removing that part is very much a disservice to the author’s intentions, but hey! KyoAni can’t pretend that it isn’t gay if it’s from Minato’s perspective. This would be just a kid having a puppy crush, which isn’t a crime and has no reason to be frowned upon if it’s unrequited. Ayano knows this and she makes conscious writing decisions based on that fact. So does KyoAni when reversing the positions.

Basically, KyoAni uses gay subtext in order to dismiss it in a total dick move. It's kind of their way of signaling, "Don't worry, snowflake audience who can't take anything that isn't cishet seriously, you can enjoy this show", and I find this kinda gross, to be honest. Meanwhile, the novel makes the subtext into the text itself, because Ayano Kotoko is powerful like that.

Anyway. I digress. Back to the good things.

The dedication to detail keeps delivering. I love the little things. The way Ryouhei goes back from school on a bus that is headed to a hospital. The knock on his door after he raises his voice that he knows is from his sister. The lush vegetation on the other side of the window looking like it's sprouting from Ryouhei when seen from behind. Shuu's reflex on the dojo's floor being tinted green. The way that a maple leaf falls on the pond and the ripples push away the other four leaves when Ryouhei starts talking about how far behind he is in comparison to everyone else in his team.

But I also love the big, in-your-face things. Ryouhei's shirt having no print except for the word "nice" in a small font next to his heart. Toujou serving cola in porcelain cups. Sae having the exact same reaction as Shuu when he drank it for the first time. The way that the light bulb lits up when Ryouhei talks about how Shuu's family is really supportive of him. The close-up on their wish slips.

My favorite has to be that fucking arrow casting a shadow over Ryouhei and Shuu. Second favorite those paper stripes. All of them represent not just the Kazemai boys' team, but also the girls' team, Masaki, Tomio, Shuu, Sae, Eisuke, Koushirou and even Minato's mom. I dare guess that one of them also represents Ryouhei's sister.

Honorable mention to the most obvious visual symbolism of this episode: the paintings. They sure were used a lot this time around. The painting in Shuu's study and the way his head fits perfectly under the crown in the center. When Eisuke is coarsed into hanging out with Koushirou after work, there's a painting of a grey dog being patted on the head beside him. When Shuu finally asks how Ryouhei and Sae knew each other, we see a painting of opening doors behind him. And goddamn. Goddamn. The way that the rest of the painting is revealed in the next scene. And the way the little boy looks like it's running from Shuu to Ryouhei. Fucking hell, what a good addition. If only KyoAni would put as much effort into the plot as it puts into this.

Also, other than paintings, there was that hilarious coca cola poster behind Eisuke when he's meeting up with Koushirou. For those who couldn't read it, it says, "Beginnings taste good. Peak youth", and that's a referrence to what the characters are going through right now. We're onto a new phase and that's youth at it's max.

Speaking of coca cola, anyone else feeling like KyoAni's going a little overboard with the marketing? First it was the kyudo tools, which I don't really mind, but then the accessories and now this. It's one thing to promote culture and small businesses that keep it alive, but coca cola.......... was kind of annoying. Even more so when there are already so many shows that are basically just one big ad nowadays.

[trulyinspiringmovies]

Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 3

“Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 3″ is incredibly funny, dark, and heartwarming all at the same time.

Rocket is relaxing on Knowhere when suddenly he’s attacked by Adam Warlock. He’s mortally wounded and can’t be operated on unless the kill switch in his heart is deactivated. The Guardians Of The Galaxy must now go to Orgocorp and find the override code before it’s too late for Rocket. On their adventure, they learn about Rocket’s traumatic past.

With the current state of Marvel movies, “Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 3″ had to be a smash hit to win back people’s favor. And, if anyone is going to make a fan-favorite movie, then it’s definitely going to be James Gunn. So, what did I think of the movie? Is it the smash hit that’ll save the MCU? I liked it, but it’s probably not going to singlehandedly save the MCU. It’s a good step in the right direction, but it’s not good enough to win back the goodwill of the people. Let me start with the positives. This is probably one of the more emotional movies that Marvel has put out. There were multiple moments when I felt a lump in my throat and I was on the brink of tears. James Gunn knows how to write characters that truly feel like a family, with all the good and bad that come with it. In the third act, Mantis and Nebula were really tugging at my heartstrings. Dave Bautista continues to impress me with his acting chops because he finally showed me why Drax was a good father before joining the Guardians Of The Galaxy. Before this movie, I’ll admit that I had a bit of trouble seeing this version of Drax as a father. He was too dumb and goofy in my opinion. This movie showed me how his goofy nature was actually his strength as a father. There were a lot of genuinely funny moments. A lot of comedy movies get a slight chuckle out of me or the occasional sudden burst of air from my nose, but this movie was actually funny. To be honest, I wish the movie held back on some of their jokes because it was starting to undercut some of the more serious moments for me. I can see the filmmakers thinking it was necessary to have a little more comedy than usual to balance out the darker tone this movie had in store for us. Plus, I bet it’s really hard to cull comedy gold. Speaking of darker tones, I think this movie benefitted greatly from them. We’re so used to PG-13 fight scenes in Marvel movies that seeing an arm breaking is considered ‘dark’. Still, it was effective for the story that this movie was trying to tell. It set the stakes right away and completely sold me on the gravity of the situation. It allowed characters to be more emotional than usual and that sold the feeling of finality I was looking for. Other moments were really pushing the PG-13 rating. I’m surprised there wasn’t much talk about a potential R rating. If any MCU movie deserves it, it’s this one for the gore alone. The whole Rocket origin side plot broke my heart. They really let James Gunn have at it for this movie because the fight scenes were spectacular. There’s this one long-take shot that was just jaw-dropping. I genuinely think it’s the best shot in the entirety of the MCU. I was trying to wrap my mind around how they achieved it. Probably a lot of CGI, but still. Also, unlike other movies and shows from Phase 4, this movie’s CGI is perfect. There wasn’t any moment when I thought the CG could’ve looked better. Marvel is back to their typical, high level of quality. There’s a lot to praise about this movie, but there are some criticisms that can’t be overlooked. For starters, I thought Chukwudi Iwuji’s High Evolutionary was a fantastic villain, but he lacked character development. He was genuinely terrifying because of how evil he was, but he doesn’t get much more than that. James Gunn’s music choice is always a stand-out in his movies, but this movie’s soundtrack seemed ill-fitting at times. The music is great, but I don’t think some of them fit their scenes all too well. Adam Warlock felt like wasted potential. He was teased as this big thing in the last movie, only to be another bumbling idiot with little relevance to the plot. They definitely should’ve saved him for another movie where he would’ve been better utilized. Also, I don’t think Will Poulter was a good fit for the character. He’s probably a great actor, but he just doesn’t fit my idea of Adam Warlock. The movie also flips back between the present and Rocket’s past, but it felt like it was done randomly. I would’ve loved to see a clear reason why each flashback was inserted into each point in time. Finally, the ending felt a little unsatisfying. I get that the movie was going for a more emotionally mature ending, but I wanted a little more positive ending. It just felt like the Guardians Of The Galaxy needed a more positive and uplifting ending, especially with everything they’ve gone through. Still, this is definitely promising from Marvel Studios and if they keep this up, then I might start getting excited for future movies again.

★★★★

Watched on May 7th, 2023

[jvstheworld]

The Buffy re-watch: S1 E3 (part 2)

The Witch

Continuing from where I left off:

-We get the first time Willow does a potion on the show, one that is never used again. But this is how it starts for her and her exploration into magic that leads down a very slippery slope. For now it is harmless.

-Looking for a counter-spell to the magic being done. And we all should know that counter-spell is the most powerful spell of all, thanks to a certain gnome bard with a purple, glowing hand.

-The reveal of the body swap. Buffy realises what happened while Giles is berating her. Poor Amy, having to live with an abusive, controlling, narcissistic mother.

-Just to add to the stereotype of witches, there's a black cat.

-The way that Giles carries Buffy and makes her as comfortable as possible while he tries to save her. He already cares for her so much, even after knowing her only a few weeks

-We get a slight hint of Giles' previous use of magic as he performs the reversal spell to save Buffy and undo the body swap.

-Plus, the first time of many times where Giles gets hit in the head.

-Joyce may make mistakes, as all parents do, but she admits that she does and talks to Buffy about not being able to fully understand her, and is okay with it. It's a good moment of communication between mother and daughter. Also, watching this after knowing what happens in Band Candy, yeah I can understand why she wouldn't want to be 16 again.

-Amy is back living with her dad, and after their estrangement he wants to connect with her and make it up to her, which is really sweet. He probably feels really bad about the situation she was in and wants to make it right.

-Last point for the episode, the CGI for the trophy that Amy's mum is trapped in looks very dated now. Such is the way as technology develops.

That's it for episode 3. Next we deal with the dangers of having a crush on a teacher that happens to be a giant insect. The first of Xander's interest in demons.

[ekwolfwriter-blog]

Scrooge Netflix review

Hello Hello everyone. Long time no post - I know. It has been just one thing after another for me. However, I am back and I want to kick this post off with a few thoughts about the new Netflix take on the story A Christmas Carol, named Scrooge. I will give a few thoughts before giving it my spoiler side of it.

First, I will be candid that there is nothing really new to the story that has not done a million times before with a Christmas Carol. Most people know if it by now, so story wise, it is not something to say. Except for one or two characters that I will touch upon later

However, I will say that the animation is rather beautiful. I know some people might not like it, but the CGI does a good job capturing the expressions on characters and some of the harsh cuts of them as well as their more softer side. (Especially for one of the ghost that is rather impressive what they do with it). Additionally the voice acting was really good. Luke Evans playing Scrooge surprisingly worked for him - I know he is not a bad actor, but he certainly had me doing double takes to make sure that was him.

And I will be candid that, from watching the credits, I will say that a lot of work and passion was put into this film in honor of one of the writers and possible song composers - that seems to have passed on. And yes, slight spoiler, but this movie is a musical; so will not go too harsh on the music but I will say that I will be honest a few of them do not really stick. Rest in peace Leslie Bricusse.

Overall, if you are in the mood to give this a try and want something that you can just enjoy the visuals of the film and some more touching/ terrifying moments animated by the story, worth a shot for this Christmas year. Personally can see this being a good something nice to listen to in the back ground and visually appealing

Alright spoilers from here on out.

So, thoughts about this film that are spoiler filled. So be warned.

Personally, this film could have cut a few things and lingered on a few more things. This film has lots of moments that feel like you get why they were in there, but then why did they go that far or make the story really really tug on THAT particular heart string.

For example in the film, Bob Cratchit - Scrooge’s assistant - has a distinctive eye coloring to make him stand out - cool. But then we learn about Scrooge’s past and his partnership with Marely in action - with some additional eyes on them as well but will get to later. And we see a bakery being closed for not paying Marely the fee he lent to them and saying some words that are a bit on the nose of what Scrooge said to Bob before hand - which is nice call back, but still on the nose. And we see a mother carrying a baby that turns out to be Bob and it is supposed to make Scrooge realize that his actions have consequences - I get that. It does work, but I feel they kinda lean on it to make sure visually then paring it with visual imagery of Bob currently in the back to say “This is the child you fucked up Scrooge, you caused this man’s downfall.” And they really hit home how much he affected this family. I think it would have been better that maybe it was not clear as the baby looked like Bob, and then something in a conversation with Bob could have made Scrooge realized the error then instead of having the obvious visual cue.

On a side note - Past was probably my second fav character to Scrooge in this film. She had the most fun with the role as well as visually had so much more flexibility for jokes and visual motifs as well. I love she is literally a candle and the waxy formation of her is mold-able. 

Speaking of visual, I will say that the next thing that I will say was the follow sequence that scene when Scrooge’s fiance/ love Isabel, is trying to talk with Scrooge now before she finally leaves him. And the song that follows it is simple as well as some of the visuals really beautiful as it is just between Isabel trying to plea to her version of Scrooge while Old Scrooge realized her plea and telling his past he needed to take her before she left. It was beautiful and I will say the one song I think - while simple - deserves some love. So attaching a link in below:

https://youtu.be/QUyvmVDwqfw

Also, they have a pupper in the film name Prudence, so cute.

Now there was a time where I think they could have either done away with an extra song or spent some more time with would be the song for the Present - not sure which one it is off the top of my head - or the second song that Tiny Tim and His sister sing. I think both were meh songs, but it would have hit so much harder if they had more time to make the songs for either person a bit more memorable. For me that is. If they were someone’s favorite, that is great.

But I will say there is one scene that I think kinda felt morbid was the scene with Future and one of the characters is practically on Scrooge’s grave. And narratively, there is a point for it as well and it is pretty tongue and cheek music number, it does not help that the dog is the one to try to break the immersion of the song and letting Scrooge keep living in denial when we all know that it is not true. Personally, I don’t mind it but I am sure other’s will find it a bit strange.

And speaking of strange, I will address that while I do love musical films, I know that it is not everyone’s thing. And this has a lot of moments that feel like - I know there is music coming but at the same time does this really need to happen now. Some of them definitely needed to be cut, but otherwise, I liked the music. Not too bad.

Overall, Scrooge is certainly at least a watch and worth a few minutes of your time to watch it.

[chadepitanga]

Fun fact i spent the last six months editing videos, some of them in 4k, for a video studio. I'm also a visual arts bachelor, w/ a technical specialization in theater sfx and illumination. Thinking about this, I have realized I can hate more efficiently. I'm being a bad hater by complaining vaguely.

So here's a lenghthy techinal infodump of why I hate how a lot of newer shows from the global north are shot & edited (sponsored by autism)

1. Never resting the camera

Why is the camera always moving? Well, in the age of 200 thousand types of information per second, they need to fight for your attention, right? By making the camera always move, esp in scenes like a dinner where the characters are mostly quiet, they trigger that part of our monkey brain that sees movement and pays attention to it. Sounds logical? If you're shooting a commercial, maybe.

The camera is a key part of visual storytelling, the camera is the POV- seems obvious, but that means that it needs to be coherent with the narrative. They're feeling, or actively being, watched? Camera from a distance, framing them through a hole, ruins, books, or whatever would be in front of a hiding spot for a creep, slight motion since the POV here could be a living thing and our necks arent 100% stiff; They're on a boat? The camera sways, like you're also at sea; Earthquake? The camera shakes considerably; Ship being hit/crash? The camera moves, shakes and/or tilts, taking in consideration the momentum of said crash. I could keep going.

So, what does it tell us when the camera is always doing that "drone over city" slooow panorama across the room, as a replacement for a still framing of the characters? It tells us that this is not a scene where people are "at rest". And it can be used like that in a good way- anime does this a lot, successfully.

When I say "at rest", I don't mean how the characters feel, I mean how the audience feels. If we are seeing a man in his own house, doing his usual routine, even if his mind is in a million places, we can't always be getting the panoramic view. We need him framed still, at least enough time of it so we know that this is a "rest" moment. Later, in contrast to this, "action" moments will hit better.

Something that goes "still camera > a swaying camera > a shaking camera > still cam > panoramic view > shaking cam > swaying cam > still cam"? That's a narrative. And I didnt yet add actors' performances to it, or even a story.

So yeah. Let us take a breath. It's not a fight against the attention span, the challenge is to convince people that it's better to watch a still frame of your character looking into the distance with little to no movement, than to do anything else. Move the camera when it needs to move, rest it when it needs to rest, and you're one step closer to that.

2. Relying too much on after-shooting corrections

This one is split into three categories so I can better flesh out why it's bad

2.1 CGI over props/makeup

Notorious complaint for sci-fi/fantasy/horror fans is how the CGI looks soulless, or just plain stupid. Visual fx makeup artists are unionized, the underpaid guy doing the CGI animations isn't. Also, it costs a lot less than physically making your props/sets. As long as you can keep quality and appeal for less money spent, there is nothing wrong with this. But they won't stop there. They do sacrifice quality to cut costs. And the end result is just what you would expect: it looks uncanny and artificial.

2.2 Luts

A lut is like a little pre-set of light edition you do when editing high-def videos. A lot of high definition cameras will record with less saturation and contrast in order to get small details that would be missed otherwise; the edition team will flesh out those colors, and save the scene's lut in order to re-apply it when necessary. This in and on itself is not a problem, the problem is when they reutilize luts without thinking if that color set really works for this shot, or even for the show's story and desired tone. This results in that washed out/sanitized look, or in a gritty, instagram filter from 2015 look - dark bits too dark or not dark enough, colorful bits inconsistent with the scene's emotional tone, too much or too little saturation, etc etc.

Part of the reason you can't see shit in dark scenes is that it was not properly edited, another part is because it was not shot thinking it should be visible at all before someone edits it.

2.3 Chroma keys (aka the infamous green screen)

Illumination suffers, suspension of disbelief suffers, the actors' performances suffer. Like everything here, this is a misused resource, not a demon to be burnt. But a chroma key needs to be veeeery carefully used, when all other options are either not possible phisically, or don't feel more adequate from a composition POV.

When chroma keying, you need to have in mind that the illumination of what you're relaying to it will not be the same as the set's, for a start. You also need to think of proportion, and of how you will blend the set lighting into it when editing. Adding one thousand filters/luts and making the whole thing seem artificial is one way to go about it. Disney m4rv3l is a big fan of this one.

3. "Tell, don't show", or neither.

When the dialogue is not nearly enough spaced out for the audience to process both the visuals, and what's being said, they need to chew it real tiny and spit it into your mouth. No time for nuance if you want your show to be binge-watched the night it was released. This doesnt mean everything will be literally verbalized, but scenes that could be subtle, i.e. a character picking up a hand gesture from another, will not be shown in a wider frame of the character, but directly focused on (with a shaky/swaying camera, more often than not....). Of course, these are choices. If it best fits to be real obvious about it as a pivotal point of narrative, do it. But is it, really?

Sometimes, it will also be literally said out loud, redundantly. A person who has just watched 10 hours straight of TV can't really be trusted to pick up on nuance, even if, when compared to a weekly release, they will have a fresher memory of what was said/done 8-9 hours ago.

So, gotta make sure everything is stated loud and clear. Or they think they gotta. I, personally, do not consider this to be a good creative choice.

Obviously, a lot of stuff is guilty of the opposite, sometimes at the same time: they don't care for consistency and will give you nothing substantial to tie in the story lines. No time for that, onto the next action-packed scene. Look at the sparks and lens flares and indistinguishable figures fighting in the dark as you squint. Here's a strong quote. Here's some more action. Here's some propaganda. We don't have to say anything about this because everyone gets the reference (nobody in the global south, or even another generation/demography, quickly gets or cares about the reference.)

4. Choosing to avoid bright colors, or always muting the pallette to look "mature".

There seems to be a huge fear of looking like your colors are too much, so they go for the "adults don't like colors" mindset. Cold, blue-ish tints on top of whites and greys and browns, or just that brown-ish filter most live actions from cartoons use to look "grown up". The problem is that this cold-ish, sanitized look, takes us to "this feels like a hospital, and with the amount of white walls and un-saturated costumes, it might as well be." - great for something like House MD, horrible for something like Star Trek, appalling for something like a coming-of-age, upbeat show. The brown-ish one is great for a lot of horror/psychological scenes, but never a good look for a whole thing.

Contrast is key- if everything feels the same all the time, it feels like nothing. If all scenes have a sad, anxious, "grown up zone no fun allowed" feel, your sad scenes don't hit like they should, and neither do the happy scenes. A show is a coming together of many takes and angles, and while having a signature look can be very good, having a generic, washed out look that everyone and their mothers are doing... is bad.

5. Light, shadow and color are too separated from the "shapes and lines" category when thinking of a composition.

I have talked about illumination a little up there, but now I'll talk about it a lot. Basically, when you do the lighting for a scene, "we can see them" is not the only end goal. The way we can see them matters, and what we can't see matters a lot too. How does the light hit this face? Which shapes does it create? Which mood? Where have I seen lights and shadows like this in real life? Do I go for the fantastical, dramatic etc, and leave realism aside for now, or is this a sober lighting moment? Why is it dark, where is it dark? Why is it light, where is it light?

It doesnt seem to matter. The goal seems to be "you can see this is a person" "you can see it's dark". It doesnt matter if the shadows on a character's face dont look appealing, or if they are unflattering to the actor, if it hits lipstick in a weird glossy way it shouldnt. Its a person doing something, you can get that? Good enough.

When thinking up a composition, you think of shapes and lines- where to put the actor so its balanced, which angle to frame from, where do the lines converge, where do they grow apart, what shapes does it make, what ratios does it make, which funitures to move around. But I can have a masterpiece of shapes and lines, if I shine bad lighting into it, I will have destroyed it- new shapes and lines are born from the edges, or the fades, where light meets dark. And the more I watch more recent shows, especially sci-fi/fantasy/thriller/superhero shows, the more I think at some point "shape/line" and "light/color/shadow" got divorced in this niche of US/US inspired TV, pairing up now only for the occasional exception. This is, also, another reason why you can't see shit in dark scenes- the shapes don't make sense, and to make it all worse, they are moving. Always moving.

Well, I have talked a lot. Idk if anyone will even read this. But if you do, ty for your time. Peace and long life <3

[mirtifero]

Watched The Flash.

My little brother rlly likes Flash and he rlly wanted to watch it sooo I went w him to the movies.

My thoughts (so far):

I liked the movie! The CGI (which was all that I heard about before watching it) was not THAT bad. Sure, it wasn't great, and there were moments where the people obviously were made out of CGI, but it wasn't really strikingly bad. It was nothing that ruined the experience or anything.

That aside, for the vast majority of the film I was very... weirded out by how much Flash didn't really feel like a protagonist. It felt like the audience was happier to see other characters and all the nostalgia baiting. By the end of the movie I felt like he was a protagonist again, and it was comforting. By the beggining too but whatev.

Speaking of the beggining. The begigging dropped something and never really went with it. The whole "Flash doesn't really matter and he is a second option", so I felt like the movie was going to be about him proving himself an important part of the JL. But it wasn't... it was about his bad decisions and him having to deal with it.

All of this are my bad impressions, MORE bad impressions I will bullet point because they don't need too much explanaition:

Anti-soviet propaganda in 2023, cringe.

Typical slight copaganda. Nothing too VISIBLE, just slight. Like most hero movies.

Also a tiny tiny bit of military propaganda. Same as previous. (They are not as visible or grotesque as mcu ones. But the lingering idea is there. As always)

All the controversies that I refuse to list.

Slight misogyny, nothing too visible, but the use of female characters was written, although not violently misogynist, using the idea of woman=wife/mother/caretaker

Okay so that ends the "what I didn't like about it"!

About what I liked about it...

So, it was nicely structured. It didn't feel dragged out, you could feel the main character struggle to find the solution to the mess he created. The characters were sympathetic and funny. They felt flawed and very human. I laughed really hard at many moments (probably due to the amazing brazilian dub) and it was overall very enjoyable. There were very interesting emotional moments, and they almost got me crying. You rooted for the characters and also! The plot twist by the end was amazing. And the fights were fun and creative! I really enjoyed it, felt like a silly superhero movie in a lot of it... but it could do better, specially in the "silly" part.

Overall... an 7/10. Enjoyable!

[firstaidspray]

I am a photorealistic Flounder defender sorry. I think he is very cute and pretty accurate for the species they are going for, except for the slight stylization of the eyes and fins which are to be expected from a Disney film. He can't be expected to have an absolute realistic appearance, because he is going to be speaking and expressing emotions, yet he can't be an absolute cartoon because that's just not what would fit with the type of film this is.

It's a live action movie, did you guys really expect a super cartoony Roger Rabbit Space Jam type of thing? A cartoon alongside a real life woman? Get real. Disney doesn't do that type of film anymore because they aren't as whimsical as they once were, but tbh it would look very out of place anyways.

Flounder being realistic with slightly bigger eyes than the real species is not a bad design just because you personally find it ugly. It makes sense for the movie's live action setting along with this CGI fish having to speak and express emotions. Calm down about this fish.

[geekymlt]

Movie Review: Troy vs 300

Let’s talk Ancient Greece.

I’m on a bit of a history kick lately.  It started with me reading a novels on Nefertiti and Alexander the Great, then listening to the Mythos Series by Stephen Fry, and now here we are: reviewing Troy (2004) and 300 (2007). I’m not sure why I’m even writing this.  I’m not sure if anyone is even going to read this.  But hey, if you’re here, welcome.  Enjoy my slightly deranged ramblings about historical films, I guess.  In any case, I decided to watch Troy, which was a mistake.  Especially when compared to 300. 

Let’s begin by saying that yes, I know Troy was nominated for a bunch of awards when it came out.  And it even won some (such as the Teen Choice Award for Brad Pitt as best actor).  But this movie is just… bad.  It just doesn’t age well.  It just looks dated.  The font they chose for any words plastered on the screen looked like Papyrus. The fight scenes feel too long and a bit clunky.  During the opening scene, for example, I didn’t realize that my firestick was acting up and making the audio drag.  I couldn’t even tell. I just thought it was long, dreary music for a long, kind of boring scene.  And that’s not even touching on the not great acting.  Eric Bana kills it.  He is a great Hector.  But Orlando Bloom just comes across as a whinier version of Will Turner.  Brad Pitt’s Achilles seems like his biggest fighting tactic is making a Blue Steel face at everyone.  Peter O’Toole (who apparently hated the movie) plays Priam, and honestly, comes across as a incompetent father and ruler.  But more than that, I think my main problem is the overall plot? I’m not even sure.  I’ve seen plenty of historical films.  I really like movies that are based more on reality and history, but maybe in Troy’s case, you just need the magic and mysticism of the gods and goddesses to really make it work.  Without it, it’s just the story of how Paris and Helen fucked up a bunch of people’s lives and ruined an entire kingdom.  (And trust me, I could go on forever about how much I hate Paris and Helen.  I won’t, but if you want my real time reactions, see my raw notes at the very end.  It’s….a lot.)

But then I consoled myself by watching 300, which I actually really enjoyed. Now, some of the enjoyment of watching 300 is being able to go, “Oh hey look it’s that meme.” But the pacing was much better.  At no point was I clicking to see how much more time was left.  The fight scene felt smooth and actually pleasant to watch.  The characters were nowhere near as cringe as in Troy (even if Leonidas did mysteriously develop a slight Scottish accent every now and then; I love Gerard Butler, but he needs to pick an accent and stick with it).  I did notice that there was no normal lighting in any of the scenes, but that’s honestly a very small complaint.  The lighting and color choices weren’t unappealing, and I probably only noticed because I had watched Troy prior to 300.  And Troy might suffer from the lack of mysticism, I don’t think 300 has that problem.  Sure, Leonidas does go to see Pythia the Oracle and they do talk about appeasing the gods, but make no mistake.  This is the story of Leonidas, who in this telling feels like he could rival any of the Greek heroes before him.  

Listen, I get that Troy is hamstrung by source material, so a lot of my gripes can’t be directed at the movie itself.  But it just doesn’t age well, at least not when compared to 300.  The cinematography is just better, the CGI is just better, and I feel like the story is just told better. It’s really hard to believe that they were only made three years apart.  In a head to head (theater) battle, Leonidas wins. 

Verdict

Troy: 3/10 (mostly because fuck you Paris and Helen, you got Hector killed)

300: 7.5/10 (probably due to nostalgia)

A few ending thoughts:  

I still really would like an Odyssey sequel starring Sean Bean. He is the perfect casting for Odysseus.

David Wenham is a poor man’s Sean Bean, but I still really love him.  Also, in my raw notes I ponder if he is the voice of the Narrator for Deadliest Warrior.  He is, but he used a psuedonym.  Why?  I’m not entirely sure.  

I cannot tell you how much I really, truly hate Paris and Helen. I don’t even remember hating them this much when I originally read the Iliad, but fuck me, every scene with one of them in it made me want to bash my head against the wall. Epic love story my ass. 

Vincent Regan is the “Hey it’s that  guy” of Ancient Greek movies, I guess.  He played the Captain in 300, Eudorus in Troy, and something in Clash of the Titans.  Apparently, he also has done a few other historical movies as well. 

The scene with Pythia the Oracle makes me deeply uncomfortable.  Just these old dudes chaining up a girl and getting her high so they can interpret her dreams, I guess.

I made my boyfriend watch 300 with me.  He fell asleep. How do you even fall asleep during 300?

This really has nothing to do with Troy or 300, but while listening to Heroes by Stephen Fry, I found out the origin story of Heracles and uh…. It’s really not like the Disney version.  Whooooo boy.

Raw notes in real time (Sorry about all the Helen hate and the butchering of names and spellings. It’s so hard to keep movie notes on my phone.)

Troy:

This movie is from 2004.  20 years ago. and even in HD, it looks like it.  I don't recall lord of the rings looking this bad on my last rewatch.  maybe it's the font?

so my firestick does weird shit with sound and the entire first scene must have had the slowed sound and i didnt even notice.  and then froze.  fun times

lols achilles doing fuck boy shit -- though i wonder if thats based on source materials

why is achilles armor one solidish piece and no one else's is 

slightly upset that avatar is somehow longer than the story told in the fucking ILIAD.  how

eric and orlando look like babies, also diane kruger could have had anyone and wound up settling for norman reedus.  y tho

hahahah hector's face when he realized when paris is up to 

yo that must have been some instense sex if they're both that sweaty

"do you love me brother"  oh fuck.  and hector knows it 

this is really just the story of men being stupid

WHY WOULD YOU LET ANYONE SEE HER

the war angle honestly is the more interesting part of this story.  

Sean beanie baby! 

Achilles is right tho. 

Odysseus and his tricks.  

Yup. Men having 0 self preservation and women just telling the truth 

Why king priam doesn't yeet Paris off the roof.  Helen fucking sucks 

Saffron burrows is gorgeous 

Hector is fucking right.  Let Paris follow her. 

Yeah. Do that Paris. Paris and Helen fucking suck.  

Oh hey your city is under attack 

Once again, men being stupid. 

These fight scenes... aren't great 

Yeah maybe you shouldn't have defiled that statue Achilles (also is that Jude law?) 

Wtf Hector why would you go in there 

Also Jude law/chris meloni hybrid is vincent regan. Idk who that is 

Poor baby cousin rose byrne 

War is young men dying and old men talking 

Good let Paris burn.  Hes an idiot 

Poor andromache. She doesn't deserve this shit 

Helen doing Helen bullshit 

Eric banas aussie accent slips in there occasionally 

Menelaus could just kill Paris and this could all be over.  But no fuck you Hector. Also this fight scene is bad and they should feel bad for making me watch it. Its like seeing two drunk dudes in scranton fight over a chick.  Menelaus isn't wrong to be honest. LMAO PRIAMS FACE 

I still don't understand why Hector went to engage Ajax.  

Hector would have been a good ruler 

Louise voice: oh man Paris.  You should kill yourself 

I think I dont understand ancient Greek romance.  

Patrocolus is such a whiny baby 

Listen to Hector you fools 

Troy is so fucking stupid 

Ok but those flaming ball things are cool 

Remember when I said Hector was smart?  Maybe not so much 

But also fuck patrocolus. why did he do that? And not Jude law.  Not Jude law fucking had to know what was happening and did  nothing.  

I do not envy those people having to tell Achilles. But Brad pitt has a terrible cry face 

All of this could have been avoided if people had just listened to Hector at every step. But no.  No one listened to Hector and now he gets to die and his body desecrated. Fuck this movie. Oh and fuck you Helen. 

The only decent fight scene. Then ruined by Achilles being a douche 

Priam. You asshole.  You listened to the stupid priest over Hector. Had you listened to Hector, this wouldn't be an issue.  

Man if I was andromache I would have so much resentment for Helen. 

This is what happens with Hector gone.  Priam and the priests: oh sweet look at this baller horse the Greeks left us. Let's bring it inside! Do you really think Hector would let them bring that inside?  Fuck no.  Also why does priam always listen to the priests and not his kids? 

Sure just start slaughtering people. Sounds legit. 

Welp. Bye bye Troy.  I blame Priam.  Hes on par with boromir and faramirs dad on bad fathers 

SAVE THE HORSIES 

where is andromache and the baby. They need to get out now 

Hey priam, look at your city.  You did that shit.  

Fuck you agamemnon. You greedy shit. 

Run andromache 

Oh briseis.  Even though that's not how agamemnon ends i appreciate it. 

Such bullshit that Paris is the only one who lives with his lover. All of this was his fault to begin with. 

I love that it ends with Sean beanie baby. 

300 is a better movie, but id watch a Sean bean Odysseus movie all day long

300:

Graphics are better 

Visuals and cinematography is better 

Is this narrator the dude from deadliest warriors.  Wait, it is.

Why does teenage warrior look like David Sampson or the dude that plays nu!Spock 

Poor puppy 

Oh shit it's faramir 

Leonidas looks like that meme 

Hello cersei. 

Lol this dude is so dead 

All I can think of when I hear xerxes is scissor me xerxes

Omg all the this is Sparta memes 

Ephors look like orcs 

Weird how the ephor is translating exactly what they said before. 

Oops. Gerard butler ass 

Awww shes a good wife 

Yeah I forgot about the sex scene. Oops 

Why does Gerard butler look older in 2006 than now 

And the captain was eudorus from Troy! Vincent regan.  

They know this is the last time they'll see each other 

Why is this movie so much better than troy 

Fucking Hannibal move. Now I miss Hannibal 

Wtf is that smeagol looking bullshit 

Yo this music rocks.  But like. .. why? Also they didn't do anything. The storm did 

Wait stop. Fassy is in this movie? 

Lol suckerrrrr (about wall) 

Did they cgi everyone's abs? 

Awww poor smeagol. 

Do the Spartans fail because Leonidas is too prideful?  Goes against the oracle and gods, rejects ephilades. Lies to elders 

Casting differences between Troy and 300 

I dont understand war logistics but I dont get why they moved from cove 

Time to fight in the shadow, like fassy said 

Ok the hoard vs the Spartans. There's no way. Its not logistical.  Even with the phalanx, wouldn't they get tired 

Cersei  has some very 2000s eyebrows 

Ew Theron. 

I love the random Persians still alive that the Spartans are killing 

Oh scissor me xerxes! 

God kings are a very Egyptian thing. I wonder if Persians share that culture. Also ... Gerards accent makes Leonidas sound like a crazy Scotsman.  This whole scene is fucking hilarious 

All these lotr rip offs.  Immortals are just nazghuls

Let's be real, this lotr aragon story line condensed into one movie 

Lol Acadiana as backups 

WAR RHINOS YESSSS

It's a holy hand grenade 

War elephants! 

Stelios/astinos ship? 

Well that kills that, never mind. 

Wtf goat thing is that 

Oh Theron is Dominic west. Explains a lot 

If Leonidas had just... not been a dick to Greek smeagol 

Daxos is right tho?  Fuck that glory shit 

Tonight we dine in hell.  More memes 

Queen gorgo is bad ass.  And Theron is proven to be a snake 

Kill that Greek smeagol 

Wait how to dilios know all this?  He's not there.  Get is stelios.  But also xerxes has some on point makeup.  Also um... gods don't bleed. 

Captain is such a bad ass. 

More memes 

😢😢😢😢😢 oh Leonidas 

I love Dave wenhams voice.  Go get em boys The end.