#it's scary to go alone!

[subway-to-puppydom]

I want to be told that I'm doing good. To be held through each needle prick, every euphoric day and every day of dysphoria.

I want to get more marks littering my stomach from each injection. I want it to look like a sea of stars, dotting the path of where I'm headed.

I know I want this. I know you want to see me happy, and I do too! It's just... scary. To finally be here, starting T. I love it, I love how it's making me feel, I want to continue it for as long as I'm able.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Lan Wangji goes to Lotus Pier (No relation to the AU of the same name)

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[rileylastname]

maybe it’s because it’s “too obvious” but im surprised how few readings I’ve seen of the Substance (2024) that discuss the themes of addiction and substance (ha) use & abuse.

in moderation you can use the substance to become a better, more fun, easier, happier version of yourself. then you realize you no longer want to be who you are when you’re not on the substance. then taking the same dose that used to be enough before isn’t enough anymore, so you want to take more, and just a little bit more couldn’t hurt, right? so you start to take even more. but this is only taking away from sober you, which is painful and difficult and even scarier than what compelled you to take it in the first place, so of course you can’t stop now. now you want to take even more, you NEED to take even more. sober life becomes harder and harder to bear, especially compared to how much easier everything is on the substance. now you’re not only using it to enjoy that feeling anymore, you’re using it to hide from what you’re turning into without it, from what you’ve already turned into.

every minute that you’re sober is spent counting down the days until you can use again, and the ends of being high are spent dreading going back. the sober self is upset and jealous at how irresponsible the high self is. the high self is upset at how much of a buzzkill the sober self is, and wishes they could exist on their own, without requiring their sober tether to existence. but the sober and high selves are the same person, you are one, and you become jealous and angry at yourself for ruining your own life in a vain attempt to become an impossible version of yourself that you most desire to be.

you want so badly to have all—and only all—of the best parts that you milk yourself dry, until you end up with all—and nothing but all—of the bad parts. by the time you truly feel that you have indeed lost everything and know you need to stop, the damage is already done, and there is no going back. you wish you had stopped at the first chance, you wish you had never started to begin with. and even then for many people the only way to deal with this terrifying, painful reality is to use even more, because you have made this terrifying, painful life without your substance feel unliveable, even scarier yet than what had made you use in the first place. there is nothing left to do but to hide from your own life, and the only ways to do this are to stop, to love yourself and take care of the person that you are now… or to keep taking more and more, using until there is truly nothing left, not even yourself.

[kabukiaku]

soft lovers at night 🖤🌙

[melljam]

villainous taco dinner date

[novelconcepts]

wait wait wait, so we had: a gorgeously diverse, complicated story about the folly of the Jedi, set against the backdrop of truly fascinating Force witch lore and a potential deep-dive into the real fallout of suppressing emotion, complete with totally rad lightsaber fights, grayscale characters all around, and the coolest fucking helmet in the history of the franchise, all tucked into the world of Star Wars, which makes money simply by existing--and they cancelled it?? i am going to explode

[peigslayers]

i loved the part of the book where piranesi resolves to take better care of himself while he's rediscovering his own history. he just has so much compassion for himself! the journal upsets him so he takes a week off and does things he enjoys and then he settles into a safe place when he wants to tackle the subject again. and he doesn't believe The Other when he's told about his amnesia! he values his own insights and his own knowledge of the House even when fucking ketterley is actively trying to undermine his sense of self. piranesi's gentle treatment of himself and the person he used to be is genuinely so moving.

[dirt-str1der]

They made hyoga look so much cooler in the anime hes just standing there , in the manga theyre all dripping wet and bedraggled and senku is dying as usual

[sampilled]

I hate that they gave Sam a stupid reason for hating Halloween (he embarrassed himself at a Halloween party) when his initial reason for hating Halloween, that his life FUCKING SUCKED was a much better reason

Like he had an alcoholic father that was lost in his grief and who didn’t try to make anything special for him and his brother never mind the holiday that happens 2 DAYSSSS before the anniversary of his wife’s death

Like he says it himself. He doesn’t care about Christmas or Halloween. He never trick or treated. They had kfc for Christmas. His first experience of a family holiday was with someone else’s family. No one ever cut the crusts of his sandwiches!!!!

Like dean sees Halloween and horror movies and dressing up as escapism. Halloween was probably his fav for the opportunity to escape his life for a night and get free treats that he wouldn’t usually get.

Sam sees holidays as depressing reminders of how shitty his life is 💯

[opikiquu]

last night i played regretevator with my bestie for like 3 hours trying to get scag and once we finally got prototype i queued up the floppy disc shop so fast and not even 9 floors later he Walked off with her in some other random shop to my dismay.

[clownsuu]

Small detour of what I usually post, but I absolutely wish (other) clown the best of luck during these confusing and almost hopeless times- nobody knows how to deal with such amount of attention in such short amount of time- a blessing and a curse to behold

[romans-empire]

It must honestly be so confusing and traumatizing to see your friend essentially kill themselves just as you mention that there's no way progressing. Before that, he's never even shown any hint of giving up, so why now?

[spacepatrolhana]

he's so unpredictable at low hearts

(i dont think shane would say any of this, this is all in the farmer's head)

[nnicknnelsonn]

kit on his and joe’s careers

once again YouTuber @devyn bringing all the good things (X)

[kyouka-supremacy]

Panel of all time

[vickyvicarious]

Mina has spent twenty days now getting hypnotized and entering into Dracula's mind. The first time was on the 4th. And she described it as feeling as though she were "still—oh, so still. It is like death!"

Maybe she wasn't getting hypnotized every single day at first - in fact I don't think it became as regular until after the 11th. But even still, they'd started doing it twice daily at sunrise and sunset before the 15th and it sounds like that has been the standard since then. So that is at least 21+ times she's gone into his head. That she has experienced what it feels like to be Dracula.

Even if the sessions are brief, and focused only on what information she can gather (mainly sounds around him), she still has to feel that death again. She feels herself lying inside a box like a corpse, surrounded by darkness. And yet I wonder if those aren't in a horrible way the times she feels most alive in some sense. Not only because this is a way for her to contribute, and at least briefly as she goes into/comes out of the trance to speak freely and be fully in charge of her own mind (though that is very brief since she's submitting to Van Helsing's hypnotism and diving back into Dracula's head)... but also, she's described as largely quiet and spending a lot of time sleeping otherwise. Even though her color is apparently coming back, I imagine she probably feels tired, lethargic, weak, like life is slipping away from her - and when she becomes Dracula she would probably feel strong. Her thoughts as him might even be clearer or come more easily than they do as herself right now. And perhaps she wonders if this is what her future will be.

It's just... really awful to think about, in a lot of ways. Even when it sounds like she doesn't really remember the experience afterwards, she still goes through it. And I feel like she would recognize the sensation even if she can't consciously describe it, much as she seemed to be unsurprised/familiar with the information she relayed the first time even when she was unable to remember/describe it once out of the trance. I think it must be so scary. And yet, it's what she can do and she continues to do it without ever mentioning any of that.