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sam-dugesian · 2 days ago

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[chugs energy drink]

okay, here we go.

👕Appearance

What is your character's favorite physical trait they possess?

their false eyes. (i'm not going to say the rude response. i know my followers want me to. but that wouldn't even be the right answer to this question)

What would your character wear if they were told they had to gussy up?

smart shoes (ankle boots), woolly ankle socks, work/casual shirt rolled up to the elbows, steam pressed dark grey smart trousers, and a smile that shifts type depending on how they wish to portray themselves.

Is there something about your character's appearance that they would change if possible?

hair, could do with some.

Does your character have a favorite material they like to wear?

cotton when in public, wool in private.

What are your character's opinion on scars?

every scar tells a story. yes, i'm aware my oc has no scars because they have a healing factor.

How much interest does your character take in trends?

none. in fact that's kind of the point.

Is there someone your character tries to look similar to?

i don't think so.

Does your character have a physical trait that they're known for?

they are hollow inside like a balloon. they can go flat and slot into places.

What does your character smell like?

petrichor. it's often mentioned.

If your character could splurge on a particular garment, what would it be?

cycling jerseys.

Is your character's favorite color a color they wear often?

yes.

Has your character gone through major stylistic or physical changes?

yes.

What is something your character would refuse to wear?

honestly, they have no shame. they'd wear anything if need be. when actively trying to work on manipulating people though, they tend to wear a chosen outfit for that.

Is there a style your character is afraid they can’t pull off?

i don't think they can really pull any style off. i don't think they even care.

Would your character wear something someone else picked out for them?

always.

Is your character's appearance more telling or deceiving?

BOTH! depends on who he's targeting.

What are your character's thoughts on wearing costumes?

preferably not hide the face, but anything goes.

Does your character have a favorite outfit?

sweater, pajama pants and slippers.

If your character had to get a tattoo what would it be?

if they didn't have a healing factor, it would be this.

📦Objects

Is there an item your character doesn't like to leave without?

nope. they pretty much just wing property in general. possibly just a bag to carry things in.

What gift would your character give to someone they didn't like but felt obligated to?

themself.

What type of object is likely to catch your character's attention?

people's shoes.

Is there an item your character liked that they can’t get back?

that's the plot of a future story.

Would your character ever try to haggle?

always. even if the price is clearly labelled.

What is something your character is proud to own?

nothing. literally. he's proud he's not dependant on material possessions.

Does your character ever spend more than they have?

no. they are very savvy with resources.

What would it take for your character to give up an item they really like?

that's the plot of a future story.

Does your character prefer to give or receive gifts?

give.

Is there a type of object your character doesn’t like?

things that are demoralising in nature. not in a sense of losing identity like a costume for kids. but things that say that a person belongs to someone. even a company logo on a uniform is a bit much.

What might an acquaintance think is a good gift for your character?

information about people my character is focussed on.

Does your character personify objects?

yes. constantly. often just to annoy others.

What does your character most enjoy shopping for?

secrets.

Is there an item your character is embarrassed they own or want?

friends.

Would your character prefer something bought or made personally?

always the personal touch.

Is your character willing to ask for things?

no.

What is most important to your character when shopping?

what other people are shopping.

🍽️Food and Drink

What flavor would your character say their personality is?

mint.

Would your character prefer baking, cooking or mixing drinks?

baking.

Is there a food or drink your character is unwilling to try?

salty snacks.

How big is your character's appetite?

they eat very little. their body mass is very low. they're hollow.

Does your character consider eating fun?

no.

Would your character eat or drink something they didn't like to appease someone?

always.

Is there food that has made your character sick?

salty snacks.

What is your character's favorite food group?

shellfish.

Does your character like to try new foods?

yes.

What is a childhood meal your character cherishes?

black pudding.

Is your character food motivated?

not at all. food is just sustainance.

Which mealtime is your character's favorite?

breakfast.

How much does your character care about wasting food?

a little more than he should.

Does your character prefer restaurant food or home cooked food?

home cooked.

What food or drink does your character consider a treat?

that's complicated.

Is there a food texture your character doesn't like?

hard.

What kind of drinks does your character prefer?

vegetable juice.

🌤️Weather and Nature

What would your character do if they were suddenly caught in the rain?

smile. probably resist the urge to dance.

Has your character had a meaningful encounter with an animal?

always.

What season would your character say they're most similar to?

spring.

Is there a natural phenomenon that scares your character?

droughts.

Has your character ever had an animal phase?

i think he's living one right now.

Would your character enjoy sky gazing?

he already does and far too much to the annoyance of those around him.

Does your character have a good sense of direction?

he has a very clear plan on where he's going. not only can he understand the landscape, he can even predict what kinds of buildings are where in a city.

What type of environment does your character like best?

wet.

Is your character good with animals?

extremely. almost to the point of appearing telepathic.

How would your character react to snow?

think it looks nice, but would rather not.

What part of nature would your character most resonate with?

small rivers.

Could your character survive in the wilderness on their own for a week or more?

where do you think they came from? that's their bread and butter.

What element best represents your character?

air.

Does your character prefer hot or cold weather?

cold.

Is there a creature that scares your character?

cone snail.

What celestial body would interest your character the most?

orion.

Is your character good with plants?

ridiculously good to the point people think he has plant magic.

How willing would your character be to nap outside?

you'd be better asking them to try and nap inside for once.

What animal would your character say best represents them?

human.

🤝Community and Relationships

Does your character prefer company or solitude when sick?

company. they like to study people. they get bored when alone.

What is your character's favorite kind of social event?

movie release. get a front seat, sit backwards in their chair, and watch everyone's reactions to the movie.

How comfortable would your character be singing and dancing in front of others?

too comfortable.

Is your character upfront about their feelings?

no, but they lie very well.

Who would your character first seek if they needed medical help?

their friend John. he's a doctor.

How willing would your character be to go to a party with people they don't know?

too willing.

Who is your character most honest with?

i'm still trying to figure that out.

How likely is it for your character to initiate a friendship?

too likely.

Where is your character's comfort place?

someone-else's sock drawer.

Is there a habit your character has that they learned from someone else?

yes.

Does your character have people they think would worry about them if they got injured?

many.

How would your character react to being put in a position of leadership?

they'd probably be the first person to suggest the idea.

Would your character be good at providing medical assistance?

weirdly competent.

Who would your character say knows them best?

they wouldn't answer that question. but they would be thinking of their rival Sam Wamm.

Is there a person your character would turn to for backup in a fight?

you'll have to wait and see.

Who would your character most want to sign their cast if they got one?

Sam Wamm. just curious about what he'd write.

How well does your character work with others?

too well.

What is your character's favorite form of affection?

sitting near someone-else.

Does your character enjoy celebrating holidays?

they can take it or leave it.

What would it take for your character to get into a fight?

not much.

💓Mind, Body and Soul

What is a habit your character has that others might find cute?

wiggling his whiskers.

Are there particular sounds your character is fond of?

bass guitar.

Is your character more prone to fight or flight?

fight. in fact that's a serious issue.

Does your character believe in myths and fairy tales?

considering they're a literal mythological creature? they are somewhat of a dreamer, which, side note, is actually really rare for his kind.

What words could tear your character down?

nothing really. in fact that's probably his best asset. he doesn't value language that highly.

How well does your character act under pressure?

he's calm, focussed and practical. it's when things are calm that kills him.

Is your character good at practicing self-care?

i'd say 50:50. it depends on the details.

What scents does your character find comforting?

i.. don't.. know.. i feel like i should. i feel like that's something he's been hiding.

Does your character have any allergies?

salt.

Is your character a light, medium or heavy sleeper?

super light, though he often fakes sleeping.

Does your character have strong willpower?

too strong.

Is your character more likely to give advice or seek it?

neither.

How does your character relax?

leaning over a ledge and watching people go about their lives below.

Is there a secret thing your character longs to hear?

yes.

Does your character have a sleep routine?

no.

Would your character feel confident in a fight?

too confident.

Is your character more energized in the morning, afternoon or at night?

night.

How often does your character have nightmares?

no comment.

Are there scents your character dislikes?

no comment.

Is there a fear your character wants to learn to overcome?

yes. and i don't think it's possible. it relies on others acting a certain way. which i'm sure they won't.

If your character had to act in a play what role would they think they’d best perform?

pretty much any role. they'd prefer one in the background. where they can watch everyone else.

Does your character have a high pain tolerance?

yes. and let me be specific. they don't lack an ability to sense pain. they have just learned how best to deal with it.

🎲 Hobbies and Activities

What kind of games does your character most enjoy playing?

mind games. truth or dare.

Does your character have a secret hobby?

yes.

What is a talent your character wishes they had?

the ability to be by themselves.

Is there an activity your character used to enjoy that they now dislike?

most activities.

Which does your character try to prioritize more, work or hobbies?

work.

Does your character work better with creative or technical endeavors?

inter-personal.

What is a talent that your character is proud of?

cloning himself.

Is your character more outdoorsy or indoorsy?

outdoorsy.

What is a topic your character would be excited to talk about?

you.

Is there a skill your character doesn’t know they’re bad at?

loneliness.

Does your character have any injury stories?

lots.

What kind of music does your character enjoy?

edm.

Has your character ever made something for themselves or someone else?

yes and yes.

What is your character’s opinion on cheating in games?

they like to be challenged.

How good is your character at following through on projects?

too good.

What’s an activity that reminds your character of someone else?

no comment.

Does your character prefer music or silence?

music. but better yet chatter.

What is a topic your character wouldn't want to talk about?

no comment.

🌸My Super Long Hopefully Fun Character Ask Game:

👕Appearance

What is your character's favorite physical trait they possess?

What would your character wear if they were told they had to gussy up?

Is there something about your character's appearance that they would change if possible?

Does your character have a favorite material they like to wear?

What are your character's opinion on scars?

How much interest does your character take in trends?

Is there someone your character tries to look similar to?

Does your character have a physical trait that they're known for?

What does your character smell like?

If your character could splurge on a particular garment, what would it be?

Is your character's favorite color a color they wear often?

Has your character gone through major stylistic or physical changes?

What is something your character would refuse to wear?

Is there a style your character is afraid they can’t pull off?

Would your character wear something someone else picked out for them?

Is your character's appearance more telling or deceiving?

What are your character's thoughts on wearing costumes?

Does your character have a favorite outfit?

If your character had to get a tattoo what would it be?

📦Objects

Is there an item your character doesn't like to leave without?

What gift would your character give to someone they didn't like but felt obligated to?

What type of object is likely to catch your character's attention?

Is there an item your character liked that they can’t get back?

Would your character ever try to haggle?

What is something your character is proud to own?

Does your character ever spend more than they have?

What would it take for your character to give up an item they really like?

Does your character prefer to give or receive gifts?

Is there a type of object your character doesn’t like?

What might an acquaintance think is a good gift for your character?

Does your character personify objects?

What does your character most enjoy shopping for?

Is there an item your character is embarrassed they own or want?

Would your character prefer something bought or made personally?

Is your character willing to ask for things?

What is most important to your character when shopping?

🍽️Food and Drink

What flavor would your character say their personality is?

Would your character prefer baking, cooking or mixing drinks?

Is there a food or drink your character is unwilling to try?

How big is your character's appetite?

Does your character consider eating fun?

Would your character eat or drink something they didn't like to appease someone?

Is there food that has made your character sick?

What is your character's favorite food group?

Does your character like to try new foods?

What is a childhood meal your character cherishes?

Is your character food motivated?

Which mealtime is your character's favorite?

How much does your character care about wasting food?

Does your character prefer restaurant food or home cooked food?

What food or drink does your character consider a treat?

Is there a food texture your character doesn't like?

What kind of drinks does your character prefer?

🌤️Weather and Nature

What would your character do if they were suddenly caught in the rain?

Has your character had a meaningful encounter with an animal?

What season would your character say they're most similar to?

Is there a natural phenomenon that scares your character?

Has your character ever had an animal phase?

Would your character enjoy sky gazing?

Does your character have a good sense of direction?

What type of environment does your character like best?

Is your character good with animals?

How would your character react to snow?

What part of nature would your character most resonate with?

Could your character survive in the wilderness on their own for a week or more?

What element best represents your character?

Does your character prefer hot or cold weather?

Is there a creature that scares your character?

What celestial body would interest your character the most?

Is your character good with plants?

How willing would your character be to nap outside?

What animal would your character say best represents them?

🤝Community and Relationships

Does your character prefer company or solitude when sick?

What is your character's favorite kind of social event?

How comfortable would your character be singing and dancing in front of others?

Is your character upfront about their feelings?

Who would your character first seek if they needed medical help?

How willing would your character be to go to a party with people they don't know?

Who is your character most honest with?

How likely is it for your character to initiate a friendship?

Where is your character's comfort place?

Is there a habit your character has that they learned from someone else?

Does your character have people they think would worry about them if they got injured?

How would your character react to being put in a position of leadership?

Would your character be good at providing medical assistance?

Who would your character say knows them best?

Is there a person your character would turn to for backup in a fight?

Who would your character most want to sign their cast if they got one?

How well does your character work with others?

What is your character's favorite form of affection?

Does your character enjoy celebrating holidays?

What would it take for your character to get into a fight?

💓Mind, Body and Soul

What is a habit your character has that others might find cute?

Are there particular sounds your character is fond of?

Is your character more prone to fight or flight?

Does your character believe in myths and fairy tales?

What words could tear your character down?

How well does your character act under pressure?

Is your character good at practicing self-care?

What scents does your character find comforting?

Does your character have any allergies?

Is your character a light, medium or heavy sleeper?

Does your character have strong willpower?

Is your character more likely to give advice or seek it?

How does your character relax?

Is there a secret thing your character longs to hear?

Does your character have a sleep routine?

Would your character feel confident in a fight?

Is your character more energized in the morning, afternoon or at night?

How often does your character have nightmares?

Are there scents your character dislikes?

Is there a fear your character wants to learn to overcome?

If your character had to act in a play what role would they think they’d best perform?

Does your character have a high pain tolerance?

🎲 Hobbies and Activities

What kind of games does your character most enjoy playing?

Does your character have a secret hobby?

What is a talent your character wishes they had?

Is there an activity your character used to enjoy that they now dislike?

Which does your character try to prioritize more, work or hobbies?

Does your character work better with creative or technical endeavors?

What is a talent that your character is proud of?

Is your character more outdoorsy or indoorsy?

What is a topic your character would be excited to talk about?

Is there a skill your character doesn’t know they’re bad at?

Does your character have any injury stories?

What kind of music does your character enjoy?

Has your character ever made something for themselves or someone else?

What is your character’s opinion on cheating in games?

How good is your character at following through on projects?

What’s an activity that reminds your character of someone else?

Does your character prefer music or silence?

What is a topic your character wouldn't want to talk about?

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moghedien · 14 hours ago

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I keep forgetting to make a post about it because I want to talk about the poster

Specifically I want to talk about the poster's most obvious artistic inspiration being the Creation of Adam

because it seems almost surface level kind of weird, because its alluding to fucking biblical god/man, creator/creation relationship and it seems so off for a story that is more or less about a relationship between two girls of roughly equal standing to each other's eyes

and it also seems weird to any degree, in any version of the character, to put Elphaba/the Wicked Witch of the West in the God role in this image.

And like, yeah, you can view it without the religious symbolism. They're reaching for each other but can't fully connect. Elphaba is in the air flying while Glinda is grounded. There's things there just standing on its own, without any parallels to anything else

But I specifically want to parallel it to the Creation of Adam but not in the God/Man dynamic but in the Creator/Creation dynamic

Because Glinda the Good absolutely does not exist without Elphaba

Glinda the Good, the propaganda spreader, the mouthpiece of the Wizard, the Good Witch of the North, beloved of all of Oz only exists because of Elphaba.

If Glinda had never been close to Elphaba, there would be no Glinda the Good. If Glinda had not gone with Elphaba, there would be no Glinda the Good. If Elphaba had not defied the Wizard and Morrible, there would be no Glinda the Good.

Glinda the Good only exists as a counter to the Wicked Witch of the West. Elphaba becoming the Wicked Witch of the West created the need for someone else to rise as a direct contrast to her, and Glinda was the only one there. And Glinda was only there because Elphaba had the powers the Wizard needed, because Elphaba asked her to come, because Elphaba asked for her to join in her sorcery classes, because Elphaba decided to defy the Wizard of fucking Oz and bring a plus one to her ultra exclusive and rare audience with him.

And Glinda absolutely knows this. She knows this every time she pretends to have magic and has to give a speech to try to make the people of Oz stop talking about how awful Elphaba is every second of every day.

Like, spoilers for Part Two, but the first time chronologically that we see Glinda as this public figure, she is giving a press conference and is trying to bring up literally anything other than Elphaba. She's trying to talk about herself but she can't even do that without everyone reminding her that everything she has is because Elphaba is the Wicked Witch of the West. And she absolutely knows and loathes this.

So yeah, putting Elphaba in the god role and Glinda in the adam role kills me to death every time I see it and I'm a little obsessed with this poster because of that

#wicked #wicked movie #wicked spoilers #glinda upland #elphaba thropp #gelphie

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mooniedust · 22 hours ago

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CHOI SU-BONG (THANOS) BOT/PROMPT

Plot: Choi Su-Bong and you were inseparable, but the leak of an intimate video of you shatters your lives. You are publicly blamed, while he remains silent. After being removed from the group and sinking into vices, you find Su-Bong in a violent situation on squid game. You seek refuge together, facing the weight of your losses and unresolved emotions.

Trigger Warnings: Physical violence, gunfire, public humiliation/shame, substance abuse a themes of betrayal/emotional abandonment

Note: Heyyyy everyone! I'm officially back to my bot crisis (at the request of zero people, obviously), both on c.ai and janitor, for some more "adult" bots. Recently, I've been super impressed by the new Round Six characters and, of course, the COMPLETE LACK of bots made for them. So... why not try to fix that myself? Or at least, give it a shot... Let’s see how it goes! Hope you like it, or at least pretend to, yeah? coming soon on janitor!!!!

With all my heart,

Moon Dust.

It used to be common to think of Choi Su-Bong and she as inseparable, two halves of a whole. From the grueling days of their training, they had been bound together by ambition and hardship. They rose together, shone together, laughed together—symbols of a new generation of idols, radiant, joyful, and, above all, alive.

But that was a lifetime ago.

The day her intimate video leaked, everything shattered. The footage, while carefully avoiding Thanos’s face, didn’t need to spell out who he was. His tattoos, his haircut—they gave him away to anyone paying attention. But no one cared to look his way. All eyes were on her. The weight of the scandal fell squarely on her shoulders, as though she alone had committed some unspeakable sin.

He said nothing. Not a word of defense, not a denial. His silence was louder than the public’s condemnation. The only words he offered her were cold and detached:

“We’ll talk when this blows over. It’s better if we’re not seen together... not after the video.”

The memory of those words still haunted her, a dagger twisting in the wounds left by betrayal. She had no choice but to bow to the powers that be, issuing a tearful apology on live television, her voice trembling as she declared herself a disgrace to her family and fans. The apology was carefully scripted, every word chosen to appease the insatiable appetite of a public eager to see her broken.

And it worked. Her shame was met with silence from her peers and the unrelenting scorn of her fans. Soon after, she was quietly removed from the group that had once been her family. They called it a “voluntary departure,” but everyone knew the truth.

Walking away from the spotlight should have been liberating, but the glittering lights clung to her like a ghost. The comfort of fame and the indulgence it afforded were addictions she couldn’t shake. When the money dried up, her vices remained, digging their claws in deeper, until she found herself dragged into that game—a twisted stage for sick minds to play god.

And somehow, fate had tethered her to the one person she thought would never let go of her hand—until he did.

“You’re out. Let’s go.”

His voice broke through the chaos, sharp and commanding, as she stumbled through the crowd of desperate players. The sound of gunfire rang in her ears, a relentless cacophony that drowned out rational thought. She tripped over bodies, her breath hitching in her chest as she searched for any semblance of safety.

Then she saw him.

Choi Su-Bong lay crumpled on the ground, his eyes glazed over, his trembling hand reaching for the chain around his neck. She recognized it instantly—the necklace he always wore, the one that hid his stash of pills. The bitter irony stung. He had been betrayed by his own group.

Everything after that happened in flashes, like the blinding strobe of a camera. Her legs moved on instinct, her hands clawing and pulling at his uniform, dragging his limp body forward. He was too stunned to fight back, too far gone to resist.

Then she saw it: a room. Empty. Salvation.

Without thinking, she yanked him inside, ignoring the player who almost made it in alongside them. Ethics had no place here. The door slammed shut with a metallic clang, her hands shaking as she twisted the lock. Her chest heaved as she pressed her back against the door, her breath coming in short, ragged gasps.

Their bodies collided in the confined space, his weight pressing against hers as they both struggled to steady themselves. The air was thick with the acrid stench of sweat and gunpowder, a suffocating reminder of the chaos they had narrowly escaped.

The gunfire outside was relentless, the sharp cracks of bullets piercing the air like thunder. She buried her face instinctively against his shoulder, her fingers clutching at his uniform as though he were the only solid thing in a world that had turned to quicksand.

“Pretty flower?”

His voice was a rasp, barely audible over the chaos outside. The low murmur slid past her ear like a cruel joke, an echo of something that once felt safe. The nickname—stupid, infuriating—was a relic of a time when things were simpler, when they were still whole.

Of course, he would use that nickname now.

She pulled back just enough to meet his gaze, her eyes searching his face for something—anything—that might explain why he was here, why he hadn’t fought harder for himself, for her. But all she found was exhaustion, the same bone-deep weariness that weighed on her own soul.

“Don’t call me that,” she muttered, her voice barely above a whisper. But the words lacked conviction, and they both knew it.

Outside, the chaos continued, but in that tiny room, time seemed to slow. The world beyond the door faded into an indistinct blur, leaving only the two of them and the unspoken weight of everything they had lost.

For a moment, neither of them moved. Then, slowly, he reached up, his hand brushing against the necklace that had betrayed him. His lips curled into a faint, bitter smile.

“You saved me,” he said, his tone a mix of disbelief and something else—something softer.

#writing prompt #character ai #janitor ai #dialogue prompt #thanos #squid game #round six #squid game season 2 #choi su bong #ai bot maker #fic prompt #fanfic #squid game x reader #thanos squid game #choi su bong x reader #squid game fanfic #thanos x reader

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i07jeuu · 3 days ago

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reblog if u want pleaaase: (btw no shade to any mutuals ilysm)

🙏 please americans and europeans, do not make our situation yours, all venezuelans are aware that the united states fails on many occasions with respect to other countries, but venezuela is not one of them, the sanctions did not start in 2003, or in 2012.

if you think that because you are left-wing you have the right to act with your savior complex and want to have an opinion above the people who have lived in this hell since it started, it makes you part of the problem.

many people wonder why so many latino immigrants voted for the orange pig in the last elections, but in reality the new 2020 american left wave has done everything possible to silence us, giving awards to musicals based on stereotypes of us and on serious problems; and whitewashing politicians who degrade us just because they belong to the same side.

at the very moment i'm writing this, the dictatorship has started blocking many social networks and vpns, they are planning a national blackout in a couple of days just to silence us.

it sounds stupid but tiktok became one of the main sources of information after twitter was blocked "for 10 days" (spoiler: it's still banned) and it's going to get ban at 12:00 am, 09 january of 2025.. with more than 30 vpns, incluiding what i personal use, proton (and tunnelbear too, lol)

why? there is a national protest tomorrow, there will most likely be many dead and wounded, maduro is paying people (who are not even chavistas) $50-100$ to serve as human shields.

maduro is going to proclaim himself consecutively in an illegal manner on 10/01/2025, without showing electoral records that demonstrate his victory.

we are aware that our opposition leaders can give the USA a lot of freedom, but we prefer that and having a new problem, to continuing to endure 27 years of constant threats, and restrictions on our public services. one of the reasons why we love maria corina so much is because she, since chavez was still alive, and we had not yet known what it was like to not have food in our refrigerators, she confronted chavismo every chance she got, even though everyone (incluiding chávez) made fun of her and took advantage of her because she was a female opponent in a political space full of nasty mens.

minorities (like me 🏳️‍🌈) are constantly mocked on open television (mandatory btw) making fun of us, women, and trans people.. making blackface and also naming how they have invaded and destroyed indigenous spaces..

also, if you think it's cool that he said "free palestine" on open tv, you don't want to know which illegitimate country he secretly exports weapons to (and also owns a lot of private oil) lol..

going to tag @latinotiktok so maybe this post can reach more ppl 😵‍💫 and pls reblog if u want !!

#venezuela

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max1461 · 3 days ago

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I asked for help every single day for 3 years and was told, we feel sorry for you, we feel bad for you, you are handling this like a child, this is your problem not our problem, we feel bad for you but this is your problem to deal with, you are handling this so immaturely this is your problem, have you tried taking a walk?

Really? I'm handling this so immaturely? I'm phasing in and out of periods of delusion and I'm handling it immaturely? I'm spending 8+ hours in the yard every day pacing and doing strange movements and not even noticing when my hands and feet get bloody and then coming inside and vomiting on the floor and then going right back to it and I'm handling that immaturely? How should I handle it? I should take a walk? I should take a walk?

I've barely been able to leave the house in weeks, then months, then years, and I should take a walk? I'm handling it immaturely because I didn't take a walk when you said I should?

I'm having seizures, I didn't know it at the time but in retrospect I'm having seizures every day, and I should take a walk? This is just my problem to deal with?

Oh I'm, I'm grieving, that's what it is. *Faux compassionate voice* you're grieving, that's why you're struggling. You just need to learn to move on.

Really? Is that it?

I need to learn to move on? To move on from the relationship you sabotaged, is that correct? That would be fairly convenient for you, wouldn't it, if you sabotaged the most important relationship in my life and I just decided I didn't care anymore. Maybe then I'd be less mad. Maybe then I'd stop having seizures.

Or is it that I need to move on from, *checks notes* the friendships that I currently have, that I am struggling to maintain because of the mental health crisis? Oh, is it those I should move on from? And who should I rely on instead, you stupid fuckers?

Have you shown yourselves to be reliable? Have you supported me when I was happy? No, you fucking sabotaged me. Have you supported me when I was unhappy? No, you stood there and watched. "Your family are the people who will be there for you no matter what", remember how many times you said that? Well, it's true in some meager literal sense. You were definitely *around*. You were *around* not to let me, what, be by myself in public until I was 19 years old? To give me zero life experience because of uh. I don't know. Gangs? Supposedly there are gangs around. I don't frankly think I'm going to be doing anything to incite the ire of gangs but if that's your justification.

Oh right, right. Someone could steal me. I love that word. They could steal me. I wonder why you chose that word.

Yeah you were always there. You were there high out of your gourd on coke and pills, you were there having a fucking obsessive crazy stalker level anxiety attack about me one day not living at home anymore. You were there to sabotage my relationships when they made you nervous. You were there to deride and belittle me when I finally fell apart.

I held it together for so many fucking years.

All I had, all I had was the peace inside my own mind. That is all you fucking left me with. Well, so, a freak accident or whatever takes that away. At the fucking dentist which is wild. Freak accident fucks up my mind. All I had was my mind.

Without my mind what am I? Nothing, I am a violated body. I am a violated body and the only respectful thing I can do is throw myself away. It is crass to act like this is a state worth living in. Well I have a few reasons to, uh. There are a few things I can't just abandon. But I see no path to being anything worth being, to being anything at all but a violated body. Well I'm just fucked.

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ghost-bison · 3 days ago

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a christopher eccleston appreciation post

i will never say this enough because i don't know enough words, nor do i think such words exist, that could even begin to summarize how much i love christopher eccleston, but... i love christopher eccleston. and, more importantly, i have a deep-rooted respect for that man.

i started doctor who as, let's be honest, a sci-fi hater, forcing myself because i was obsessed with david tennant, and i was kind of dreading the first series because of this. but i was dead wrong.

he broadened my mind, gave me so many laughs, and so many cries, and i'm not the first to say that whenever eccleston is on the screen you just can't take your eyes off him, even when he's not supposed to be the main focus of the scene.

the way he can switch from silly goose to traumatized soldier in a matter of seconds will never cease to amaze me. or how he can play with both like he's on a swing by balancing it out with sarcasm?

i think whoever doesn't give him the title role in their shows/films is either an idiot, or they know the main character just isn't always the best.

i think it's downright idiotic and shameful that he gets rejected from ever playing some shakespeare just because of his northern accent (they're just posh elitist pos). now that he's older, and that times are evolving (i mean, i hope the world of theater is vibing with this evolution, but i'm not delusional), i hope we get to see him portray a character like leontes in winter's tale cause i know he'd be absolutely perfect for the role, and who better than shakespeare (this character especially, with his nuances and highs and lows and breakdowns and breakthroughs) to match acting like his?

saw an article where eccleston talked about how the moment he really knew he wanted to be an actor was when he had to wear mascara for a play, and had enjoyed it. i think he talks about it in his autobiography too (you should read it, btw, it's frankly affordable, and he happens to be a marvelous writer as well).

eccleston knows he is mistakenly type-cast, because of his background, as macho men and tough blokes in general. he's aware that it's kind of a big part of his culture. again, he talks about it i think in the very first chapter, how for instance he used to dress up as james bond, the pinnacle of "masculinity", which i think was a disguise in the metaphorical sense of the term, to mask his delicacy and femininity (or at least, that's my interpretation of it).

in his biography, eccleston talks about the differences between him and his dad, ronnie: he was surprised, as a child, whenever his father's affection manifested as a kiss or a hug, cause that usually wasn't his father's way of doing things. he compares it to how he, in contrast, has the habit of kissing his own son, albert, and telling him he loves him.

you can find it as well in how he talks about his anorexia, his body dysmorphia and, i think we can call it that, gender dysphoria. he's from a time when those concepts didn't even exist, they weren't a thing to the public eye. my father and my step-father, both feminine men in their own way, and both around eccleston's age, both told me about the struggle that it represented, not being the stereotype of the macho tough guy, and being surrounded by boys who didn't struggle with that issue. it made my dad a junkie, my stepdad a depressive artist, and, apparently, it made eccleston an anorexic actor.

i think it takes a lot of courage for people that age (the boomer generation as we call them), especially men, from whom we expect toxic masculinity, masculinity pushed to an extreme, to be able to openly call it out and dissect it into what it is: a ridiculous standard. but to be a PUBLIC FIGURE, in his 60s, and still find the strength to express it? damn. takes guts, i think.

most of us on this website, we're babies. most of us are at most in their thirties. the millenials and the gen z, and now the gen alpha, we take that for granted. or get offended and scandalized that being able to express oneself isn't yet a basic standard.

but then, i talk to my mum, and i realize that she had to stray from her catholic, sexist education, she had to make up her own mind about things in order for me to be born a free spirit. and that's just considering my mum's a cishet.

christopher eccleston expressed in other words that he doesn't fully consider himself to be cisgendered. i have mad respect for the way he talks about it, and for even talking about it at all.

then, there's his honesty. the more interviews i watch, the more it impresses me. he knows honesty goes hand in hand with dignity. i'm sorry but i'm tired of people who are nice all the time. you never know when they're being honest, and maybe some of them are, who knows. but i'm not stupid enough to think that so many people are just pure sunshine all the time (respect for tennant for lashing out publically about transphobia, i think he passed the test).

eccleston? he knows how to be both brutally honest and yet respectful at the same time. no ukulele apology from this man and holy fuck, it feels good!

i've seen him call russel t davies out for his lack of professionalism on the set of doctor who, and then list him amongst the great writers he's worked with. which makes me want to believe eccleston's side, because, if you're always either too polite, or too full of spite about eveything, who's to say you're not the problem? i've got way less trouble believing you if you can stay unbiased about a person you're having beef with than if suddenly everything said person does turns into shit just cause you don't like them. that's just maturity and wisdom.

one last thing i love about eccleston is that he is interested in other people's lives. there's a critic by marcus berkmann in his book that perfectly expresses my point: "you know what to expect from the autobiographies of most actors, i think: anecdotes, charm, more than mild self-satisfaction and faux-modesty by the bucketload. but christopher eccleston is not most actors".

and that's it. watch him in interviews and at convention panels, where he lets his younger co-stars speak before himself, and seizes the occasion when journalists ask him questions that are meant to make him talk about himself to praise his writers and other actors instead.

read his autobiography, which is both a love letter to his dad and a big let's-be-honest about the struggles of growing up poor and his personal struggles, because he thinks raising awareness is just as important as protecting himself.

look at his instagram posts where he unabashedly disses the monarchy and stays true and loyal to his background even after getting a taste of money. and his other posts where he shares his love for acorns and spending time with his kids.

i've seen him nearly break down in shame and regret on television for having stolen a kid's crisps in primary school. and not trying to find lame excuses for his behaviour. no ukulele apology, just facts, just christopher eccleston showing us what masculinity in its purest, most beautiful form should be about

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velvetvexations · 3 days ago

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Nursed With Kerosene Chapter One Willow World

Here it is! The first part of my serial novel, Nursed With Kerosene. This is the result of so much hard work. It's a story I've been wanting to tell for awhile, with a core cast of characters I first created as a child and many more I've created over the last few years. It's 79 pages long but it would mean the world to me if you read it and enjoy it. I really can't tell you how much this work means to me.

To give a brief description, Nursed With Kerosene is about praxis, love, rage, friendship, compassion, humanity, horror, lesbians, capitalism, psychosis, faith, therapy, music, understanding, swords, parenting, ninja, and a lot of other things.

To give a somewhat less brief description, Nursed With Kerosene is influenced a lot by the structure of TV shows like Angel and The Librarians, featuring a team of supernatural problem-solvers dealing with things no one else can. There is also more than a dash of anime in there, because I'm a shameless weeb. My ideal medium would be a series of Newground animations in 2006.

Nursed With Kerosene is part of my setting Memoirs to Prove the Existence of the Devil. The only other released MtPtEotD story is my previously published short story Six Underground, but it actually takes place long after NWK. Having said that, like a Soulsborne, a large part of NWK is going to be slowly unraveling things. You're not intended to understand everything. Names and events and concepts get mentioned, and you don't get it, and that's the intended experience. Hopefully you feel like you want to learn more.

Memoirs to Prove the Existence of the Devil is an adaption of the Cthulhu Mythos, as well as several stories in it's orbit not nearly as remembered as the works of Lovecraft, such as Algernon Blackwood's work. I really mine the shit out of the public domain, ngl. The journey I've taken through obscure late 19th and early 20th century literature is worthy of a non-fiction book all of it's own, and I may write that someday as well.

Some content warnings:

gore

transphobia

ableism

sexual harassment

misogyny

anti-masculinity

feds

Englishmen

characters who are honestly pretty terrible people but I demand, selfishly, that you like them anyway

I hope you like it. <3

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aishangotome · 2 days ago

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[Gilbert] Love's Cleaning Time - Part 2

Part 1

––Several years ago, in Obsidian Castle.

Gilbert: Akatsuki. Are you serious?

Akatsuki: Is there something wrong with it?

Gilbert: There's a lot wrong with it.

Gilbert: Having the little rabbit tend the shop alone is far too dangerous.

Akatsuki: You're being overprotective.

Gilbert: You are a man, but the little rabbit is a delicate young woman!

Gilbert: And your bookstore has many rare and valuable books.

Gilbert: Up until now, you may have been able to silence any trouble with that sword of yours, but the little rabbit can't do that.

Gilbert: What if thieves break in?

Akatsuki: The possibility is low.

Gilbert: Low, but still a possibility.

Akatsuki: I won't deny that, but Emma is an adult.

Akatsuki: She's not a child who needs protection.

Akatsuki: Besides, working at the bookstore is something Emma wanted to do herself.

Akatsuki: It's a necessary experience for her to become independent.

Gilbert: That may be so, but...

Akatsuki: Don't do anything unnecessary.

Gilbert: Ahaha, of course I won't. I'm merely a reader enjoying the little rabbit's story, not a character in it.

Gilbert: There's no way a royal of Obsidian would get involved in the affairs of an ordinary person, right?

Gilbert: ...But I'm still worried.

Gilbert: Michael, training this late at night?

Michael: ...! Prince Gilbert, I apologize for not noticing you.

Gilbert: Indeed. Not sensing my presence is a failing for a soldier.

Gilbert: But I'll forgive you today. You must have been lost in thought.

Michael: ...Today, I had Walter examine my wound.

Michael: He said that my left arm will never fully heal...

Gilbert: Yes, I've heard.

Michael: As a soldier, it seems I'm no longer of any use.

Michael: I'm unable to repay the kindness you've shown me... That's...

Gilbert: Don't be ridiculous. Who said you're no longer of any use?

Michael: .............Is there still something I can do?

Michael: As I am now, I cannot stand alongside Roderick.

Gilbert: That's true. However, what I value is not skill, but "whether you betray me or not"...

Gilbert: You wouldn't betray me, would you?

Michael: I would choose death over betrayal.

Gilbert: Hehe... Say, Michael. You've just returned from a harsh battlefield.

Gilbert: If you push yourself too hard, even things that can heal won't. So, I have a proposition for you...

Gilbert: How about going to Rhodolite's territory for recuperation?

Michael: Rhodolite?

Gilbert: Yes, it's a small country, but it has good public order.

Gilbert: It's also a neighboring country to Obsidian, and I think it's the perfect place for you right now.

Michael: ...I am grateful for your benevolence.

Michael: Your orders?

Gilbert: Ahaha, as always, you catch on quickly.

Gilbert: But this isn't an order, just a personal request...

Gilbert: There's a girl in Rhodolite that I'm interested in.

Michael: Ah, the one Prince Gilbert sometimes speaks of...

Gilbert: I wonder how she's doing.

Michael: ......

Michael: Would it be alright if I send you reports on my recuperation in the form of personal letters?

Gilbert: Of course. I'm fond of letter writing.

Gilbert: I'll prepare a fake ID for you. Take care and travel safely.

Roderich: Prince Gilbert, a letter has arrived from Michael.

Gilbert: Thank you. Give it to me.

Gilbert: ...........

Roderich: ...Is something the matter?

Gilbert: Hmm...

Gilbert: Roderich, what would you do if you found a thief who had blended into ordinary society?

Roderich: I would take them down.

Gilbert: Right?

Roderich: ...Did Michael catch a thief?

Gilbert: No, nothing like that is written here.

Gilbert: It's just that Michael seems to have become a regular at a certain bookstore recently.

Gilbert: Apparently, he heard this from the girl who works there...

Gilbert: She feels like she's being watched.

Roderich: Watched?

*flashback over*

Emma: –– ...I remember.

The story Prince Gilbert is weaving gradually overlaps with my own memories.

Emma: It was shortly after the owner entrusted the store to me...

Emma: When I was tending the shop, I sometimes felt a chill.

Emma: It was like... even though there should have been no one else in the store, I felt a presence.

Emma: But I couldn't talk to the owner about it because he was away on a trip.

Emma: Even though I thought it might be my imagination, I was scared... That's when Michael came.

Emma: He saw that I wasn't myself and I confided in him lightheartedly, but...

(To think that what I told him back then would reach Prince Gilbert...)

Gilbert: Michael was worried too.

Gilbert: ––That I would start a massacre.

Part 3

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to leave me a tip here or buy me a coffee through the "Leave a Tip" button on my navigation bar!

#cleaning time with love #gilbert von obsidian #gilbert von obsidian translations #ikemen prince translations #ikepri jp #loves cleaning time

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out-there-tmblr · 10 hours ago

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Silco might react with a panicked "Kthxbye, we have to break up now" and then they manage to stay broken up for at the most a week.

Hee! Yes, I can't imagine them actually breaking up and it sticking in any way -- not without, y'know, a huge disaster happening first.

Especially in he context of Silco's paranoia that things are not going to last between them.

It's not paranoia if people are out to get you. I mean, Silco's instincts are actually borne from a lifetime of experience. As far as he knows, most people run when the going gets hard and people don't risk themselves for others. I think Vander is a big exception to that and it's probably what's going to lead to Silco's faith in his comrades and their loyalty. (That belief in loyalty outlives Vander.)

So to risk that "asset" (or even be willing to give it up) is a big deal even outside of the whole emotional aspect.

Is it giving up an asset? Because as that smuggling operation gets bigger, Silco's going to need storage for the items and he's going to need a known shopfront. And someone Vander's size is not easily intimidated or attacked, so it makes a lot of business sense that if you're going to set up a shopfront (or a bar where everyone knows you can go to buy certain items), you'd entrust it to Vander.

I'm just saying... Silco is capable of wanting Vander safe and wanting to increase their operation at the same time.

So if he were to fall out with Silco as Silco feels he likely wouldn't want to continue working with Silco even if the money was good.

Interestingly, I think Silco is the type to say that business is more important that personal feelings. He probably even thinks he believes it, but he lies to himself about the depth of his own feelings. Much like he couldn't give up Jinx for everything he's worked towards for a decade, I don't think he could work with Vander after Vander broke his heart. (I mean, even in s1, it was *years* after they fell out before Silco asked Vander to join in the fight against Piltover -- and even then, he was prepared to kill Vander to pursue his plans.) Sometimes I love a character who barely understands their own feelings.

(cue Vi's: the kind of stunt you'd have pulled when you were my age)

I don't believe that was true. I mean, I believe Vi thinks the world of Vander and has swallowed any tall tale about him as absolute truth... but Vander's so horrified by the kids getting into trouble in Piltover that I don't think he actually did get into big trouble over the river as a teen.

Vander:Okay… so what if we made our own more awesome orphanage. Silco: No,we are not adopting 50+ kids. Vander: :(

OMG, Vander would love that! Come on, he could manage 4 kids, how much harder could 50 be? (Especially before he actually has any experience of parenting.) It feels like such a Vander approach.

I've been thinking a lot lately about Vander could possibly have done outside of "not be an active tyrant" that people have such a positive perception of him even years later.

I think a lot of it comes down to the perception that Vander started the Lanes. I think if you have Silco who generally doesn't like people, doesn't trust them, doesn't spend time socialising out of choice.. it's easy to overlook his contribution. Especially when you have Vander, someone who's outgoing and sociable and genuinely likes talking to people and helping if he can... If Vander leaves the mine and sets up the Last Drop, becomes the public face of that market and grows the commercial side of Zaun until others can open businesses as well, until there are more options than mining/fishing/canning factories... It's very easy for Vander to be the one the crowd remembers.

Which always makes me wonder who built the statue of Vander that we see Silco talk to. Because who else in Zaun actually has the funds to build something that size? Did Silco keep up the lie that Vander started the Lanes and led rebellions and was a hero? (It wouldn't surprise me if Silco did it to keep the crowd on his side as he took over the Last Drop. That man has so many unaddressed issues, I love him.)

Young Zaundads wip (26)

***

For the sake of progress, they don't make the new tunnel any bigger than it needs to be. It's tall enough for Vander to kneel and punch cracks into the next lot of bedrock, but no higher. Vander breaks the rock and moves the pieces behind him; Silco moves the rocks to the larger cavern, clearing the tunnel.

Despite the three charges in Silco's pocket, neither of them are willing to use it. They don't want to risk causing another cave in.

The work is slow and tiring, and Vander's knees feel like they'll be covered in bruises by tomorrow. Silco rolls the bigger rocks out of the way. The smaller ones he lifts up and carries out, bent over in half to fit in their little tunnel.

There's no way for Vander to know if they're digging straight or starting to curve, but he can feel the sweat soaking through his shirt and the ache in his arms as they keep moving forward.

They take a break, both of them lying on the cavern floor just to stretch their backs and rest their legs.

Vander eyes the broken gas mask, the gap down the front where the metal edges bend and twist away from each other. "I almost wish Benzo was here. He'd be able to fix that."

One side of Silco's lip curls up, like he's too tired to sneer properly. They both know Vander isn't great with anything delicate and Silco might have nerves of steel but that's about the limit of his machinery knowledge. There's no way either of them can fix it. "We could try it anyway. It can't hurt our chances."

Vander rolls his head to the side, watching Silco. The strong line of his nose, the soaring curve of his cheekbones, the small chin and narrow jaw. He always thinks it's Silco's eyes that make him pretty, or the thin, delicate line of his lips, but it's everything. It's the knowing arch of his brows and the strands of dark hair falling across his cheek. Everything about him is sharp and fine, and stronger than he looks.

It's not somethingbhe wa looking for, not really, but he can't imagine his life without Silco in it. Maybe Silco should know that, since there's a strong chance they might not make it through the night.

"We're not dead yet," Silco says dismissively, before Vander can even work out the words to say.

Vander feels his own tired grin. "That could have been a nice moment. I could have said something sentimental. Something romantic."

"Your idea of romance starts and ends with: you're pretty, want to fuck?" Silco says tiredly and Vander laughs. He's not wrong.

"Are you complaining?"

"Nothing wrong with the classics." Silco watches him, something serious lurking beneath the wry humour. "You're pretty. Want to fuck?"

It catches Vander's breath for a moment, what Silco really means. The words neither of them are saying, even if they are true. It feels safer to treat it as a joke. "Now?"

"When we get out of this," Silco clarifies. "Five more minutes, then we keep digging."

***

They keep working, hour after hour, and their small tunnel grows longer. The lantern light is growing dimmer but Vander can't afford to worry about what they'll do when it fails. How they'll make any progress when it's just them and the dark.

He looks up at Silco's shuffling footsteps and notices his kerchief is tied across his face again. "Why are you wearing that?"

"Put yours on," Silco says instead of explaining. He hands over the broken gas mask. "I tried it. Doesn't work at all with that hole."

But the only way he'd be able to test it is if… "The Grey?"

"It's started seeping through the collapse." Silco sounds calm and collected, but his hands are clenched in tight fists. "We have some time yet. Keep going."

The spike of adrenaline helps Vander to hit harder, to force the bedrock around them to give way. He stops worrying about breaking the rocks smaller and just tries to break through to something. Something that isn't sheer rock and their inevitable deaths.

Silco doesn't complain about the larger rocks; he just rolls them along the uneven floor, pushing them out. Each time he comes back breathing heavier, until he comes back and sinks to the ground, pulling his makeshift mask off to gulp for air. His eyes are red and watering.

"Swap," Vander says. "I'll take the next lot."

"What could I do," Silco says and his voice is rough as gravel, "with those gauntlets?"

"Then rest," Vander says, grabbing the largest bits of rocks and hunching over to carry them out. He finds their cavern half full of the Grey. It's creeping through the pile of broken rock, grey-green fog spreading across the floor. It stings his eyes, makes his throat feel hot and scratchy, like the start of a bad cold.

Vander clamps a hand over his mouth and heads back to Silco.

Silco is still sitting on the ground. His eyes have stopped watering but they're still bloodshot. "We have to keep going."

"Can we seal the tunnel behind us? Buy some time from the Grey?"

Silco shakes his head and then pauses, thinking. "We could set a charge. Cause a collapse to slow it down."

"Could the whole thing cave in if we do that?"

Silco shrugs. His voice still sounds rough. "Maybe. We don't have any good options here, Vander. It's a risk, whether we do it or not."

He hates that Silco's right. If they do nothing, they have to hope to dig somewhere before the Grey fills this whole tunnel. "So, best case scenario, it doesn't collapse above our heads and it seals the entrance?"

"Best case? There's enough silt above us to seal it tightly, and we dig somewhere before we breathe all of the air in one small, sealed tunnel."

"So, suffocation, suffocation or being crushed to death? What do you think?"

"Set the charges," Silco says grimly. "If we're crushed, it's quick. If we run out of air, we'll fall asleep and never wake. It's better than dying with your lungs burning as you claw at your own throat."

***

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notquiteaghost · 1 year ago

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once again WHY aren't public rights of way on google maps. does google know about public rights of way. i would just take the physical OS map but the specific area i want a map of is split btwn two sheets and one OS map is already unwieldy

#yelling at clouds #tmrw morning is my last time walking the dog by myself before i go home n i wanna go on A Trek #and i have a rough idea of the route but ive never walked a big chunk of it. im pretty confident i wont get lost but also im not an idiot #a map is never a bad thing to have #i am taking a bag anyway for water so. ugh. maybe i just bring both maps.#why does the OS app cost money #it's publically owned. i'm a public. give me it.

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inkskinned · 1 year ago

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hey btw if you're in the USA at 2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.

if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.

additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.

i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."

"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.

#watching ppl go from being like ''support neurodivergent ppl~~!"#to being like ''if this is going to give u a panic attack ur fuckken stupid''#like..... gets me #yeah man. i know im going to be triggered by it . in the old fashioned term. it is GOING to give me a panic attack. it's pretty much certai #and i shouldn't have to tell u about what i have survived for you to be okay with that.#you can just trust that i ALSO don't want me to react to it. i'm not gonna be having a FUN time.#dismissing that bc you think it's stupid.... like is the whole problem.#these sounds are workshopped by entire teams of people to get you to pay attention and move quickly.#they arent meant to be fun and exciting.#OBVIOUSLY it's gonna set ppl off.#but yeah there's something so fuckken demeaning about ppl being like. well that trigger isn't valid bc u haven't undergone X #dude i have ptsd bc i was abused as a child. like plain and simple. the fact im 30 and afraid of the dark tells you how bad it was.#i shouldn't have to ask u for permission to be mentally ill.#the reason it's a fucking disorder and not a fucking choice is that I DO NOT CONTROL IT.#like how is it any different from when ppl are like ''oh public speaking isn't that scary'' like FOR YOU #for YOU this isn't scary. now if i could fucking eat my own amygdala...

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14dayswithyou · 8 months ago

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💖 Day 3.5 is now available! 💖

For the last couple of months, only Server Boosters had access to the 3.5 update... Buuuuut now it's available for everyone to play in the 14DWY Discord — and soon itch.io once I'm happy with the QA and state of the game — so please don't feel pressured to join unless you want to!!

The full devlog + even more screenshots are under the cut ^^

What's been added to the 3.5 version?

📺 Streamer Mode!

I've been told that it's difficult to stream and monetise age-restricted videos on YouTube and Twitch, so I added an option to remove the sexual content and strong language used in the demo.

Now y'all can invite Ren into your bed for cuddles without putting your streamer career on the line /silly /lh

This won't affect the 18+ rating or dark themes/elements of the game, however! Although Streamer Mode will prevent you from seeing any "gruesome" CGs in the future, most of the core elements of the game will still be tied to the choices and decisions you make. So you won't miss out on the overall experience by using streamer mode!!

⚙️ Custom Pronouns!

It only took me one entire year to get around to it, but you can finally choose your own preferred pronouns (or use a set of pronouns instead)... At the cost of being able to change them mid-game ^^;

Since the original pronoun screen wouldn't update until a new scene was displayed, I temporarily disabled the feature. But once I find a workaround, I'll bring it back!

💗 Choose how others perceive you!

You can now choose how the cast and narration perceive you! Originally, the narration was kept strictly gender-neutral (outside of pronouns and genitalia picked by the player), but this will soon change in future updates.

For more clarity: you don't get to choose the words specifically, but you can choose between masculine, feminine, and androgynous terms!

📋 Separate top and bottom genitalia!

You can now choose your tatas and pps separately! >:3

Alongside that, you can also choose your preferred body type!

I removed the "both" genitalia option because a few players still assumed it was an obscure version of "intersex". That wasn't my intention and I don't want to mislead anyone, so I took it out for now ^^;

I also didn't want to include a screenshot of the new genitalia choices in action (because it's NSFW), so y'all get the same character menu screen for the nth time instead lmao

📱 Relationship Screen Overhaul!

You can now change your own status for more immersion, and long-term Server Boosters will eventually be able to submit and use their own icon within the game as well!

Stalking finding your friends has now become easier by using "Buddy Maps"; a new app that allows you to see the location of all the cast members!

I want to offer players more incentive to check the relationship screen since they tend to miss the status updates, so hopefully this might help ;v;

It also says it "updates every few hours" so folks don't go overboard and check every 5 seconds to see where Ren is gdsghf (also keep in mind that he's a hacker lol)

🖤 Additional Scenes Update!

Day 2 received a brand new CG!!!!! Originally, I planned on only adding a few CGs sporadically throughout the game, but it didn't feel right to leave Day 2 so... empty... so I added a brand new CG to (hopefully) make things feel more balanced and natural!

If you decline Teo's offer on Day 3, Leon will now call and try to convince you to reconsider. However, players are still allowed to decline, and if they do, they'll reach a dead end.

After listening to feedback on itch, I changed some of the dialogue during Days 1-3 to make it seem more consistent! They're only small changes though, so it's honestly not worth looking for sdgjssga

🎶 Updated BGM and SFX!

I wanted to try out a different style of music to see if it fits the vibe of 14DWY more! The BGM features more acoustics to suit the "beachy" theme of Corland Bay, though I made a conscious effort to include piano elements as well to stay true to the original!!

I figured it'd be better to give players a live example before I make a poll (to see if they prefer the change or not) and publish it to Itch.

Some new SFX have also been added, though it's very minimal and honestly not that noticeable.

How to download and play the update?

(warning: clicking on the following links will open Discord!!) To download the Day 3.5 update, simply join the 14DWY Discord server, verify your age, and visit the "14dwy-updates" channel!

Alternatively, you can also wait until the update is publicly released on Itch to play it as well!! (It normally gets released shortly after a round of QA testing/getting feedback from the server, though I may release it earlier if I feel like it hehe ^^)

Enjoy!!

#14 days with you #14dwy #💖 — 14 days with queue.#🖤 — updates.#🖤 — spoilers.#I'm not gonna say much about my current doxxing situation because I've got it under control now + it's being handled privately #Plus I don't wanna give it/the people involved any unnecessary attention. I just wanna announce the update and Get Back To It™️#(''it'' bein the grind 💪 It never stops lmao /silly)#OG followers will also know that these topics aren't the vibe I normally have on this blog (or any of my accounts); so I don't think I'll—#—make ANOTHER public post about the situation and bring more attention to it (when I just want everything to be over and put to rest ^^;)#However I also don't want people to think that I'm... ignoring?? the situation entirely (because gettin doxxed is a very endangering thing)#So I DO want to quickly acknowledge it here and say that it's all currently handled + I'm safe and okay + this won't stop me from—#—continuing to work on 14DWY (and other future projects). I also don't want to give these awful people more power and incentive to continue #—this kind of pathetic behaviour; so the less attention and encouragement being shown will ultimately be better in the long run :3 #Aaaaaanways!! 😮‍��#My other accounts will be restored shortly and my askbox will be opened once I feel comfortable. I'll get around to following folks—#—again in my own time; so please don't feel offended if I unfollowed you during a moment of vulnerability and anxiety!!#This is all EXTREMELY overwhelming and scary for someone with SAD/AvPD; and I /gen can't handle seeing it all over my timeline ;v;#Sorry this got ranty and personal again hjdsgjsdh T_T I said I wouldn't say much; so I'll shut up now hehe #🖤 — shut up sai.

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