your art makes me wanna start testosterone
i can't read tone well, so this is either an incredibly touching ask, or an extremely funny one, and in the absence of confirmation: both!
i'm in a chatty mood, so i'll share some thoughts about testosterone and my art.
i liked being on testosterone a lot. i had an IM injection every two weeks (on tuesdays!) and because that's a sizeable dose every 14 days that slowly disperses, it can cause some mood fluctuations (every other friday i would have a crisis about not feeling like the world had a place for me in it) but even those were far more manageable than the ones that would come with my previous and current monthly hormone cycle (every month i spend a solid week thinking the world will never have a place for me in it)
It gave me a patchy little bit of scruff on my chin and a whispy mustache under my nose that still struggles on, despite adversity!
It redistributed my fat a little bit, but that's long since gone back to pre-T shape.
it lowered my voice! that hasn't changed :^)! even if i never go back on t, that won't change. it was the thing i most wanted, and its the one i'm most grateful for. Pre-T, I didn't speak much. I'm getting better and better at talking and getting more and more comfortable communicating with people because of it.
having been off t now for 3 years, i don't pass anymore—not as a cis man, or a cis woman, certainly not as anything approximating straight. if people look at me and see anything, i'd hazard a guess that they see me as A Queer (the noun—for all it's complicated connotations).
i'm not surprised that my art might make somebody want to start testosterone! a lot of my art was made out of the aching grief that came with being kicked off of testosterone, and how neatly that loss of autonomy over my own body knits in with yamato's loss of autonomy over his own.
how my body started doing things i disliked, how i didn't have the support necessary to access the healthcare i needed—how my inability to give myself what i needed made me feel as though i were trapped inside of myself and abandoned (by both myself and the world at large)
when i write comics about yamato as a trans man, i don't take away his testosterone, because that hits a little too close to home for me. for Ninja War Town Reasons, he has plenty of access to all the HRT he could ever need and nobody questions his need for it—instead, i project my own horrors onto the way Danzō defined his identity for him as a child, the way that Kabuto and Obito dehumanize him as an adult in their war efforts, and reduce him to the thing his body holds (the Mokuton). I give him a kneejerk compulsion to dehumanize himself (out of a feeling that he has a duty to his community to do so) and I give him a slow-growing resistance to that impulse (which comes out of a feeling that the people he loves would frown upon seeing him reduce himself like that)
it's dysphoria! it's not gender dysphoria, but it's a loss of self, and a need to reclaim it. it's a war between the hollow shell of a thing he thinks he has to be, and the vibrant and messy person beneath it that he is. it's a desperate need to say "this is who i am—only i can say it"
I enjoyed HRT a lot. it was a really useful tool in helping me feel like my body was my own, that i didn't have to fight it, that we were the same entity. It's not the only tool, but it was a really good one, and one day I hope to use it again.
(as for the being off of it—it's unpleasant, but i'm enduring! being somebody who now doesn't really pass as anything has put me in a weird and interesting position, where I'm constantly having to declare myself to people, because nobody knows what to make of me on any front. they don't know if i'm a man, a woman, nonbinary, nor even what age i am (Augh!!!!) it forces me to be brave and vulnerable more than I'm comfortable with—if I tell somebody I'm a man, there's no way that they will believe I'm cis, but I'm not about to recloset myself—and I don't think I could at this point anyway.)
(there's something fascinating about the position i find myself in, and while i'd leap back on t the moment that an opportunity presented itself to do so, i do feel like i'm experiencing something interesting and important in this weird zone i find myself in)
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˖⁺。˚⋆˙op(rincess)81 | OP81˖⁺。˚⋆˙
pairing: oscar piastri x princess!reader y/n (she/her)
genre: social media au
warnings: just fluff, idk anything abt royal families i have taken many many liberties so please forgive
summary: in which after bagging a princess, it takes a long while for the fans to realise it actually is oscar
a/n: haven't written for oscar in ages so i picked him!!! also my first royalty smau so hope it's ok
request!!!: could I request a royal princess!reader with Oscar or Lando please and they are spotted and nobody believes it’s actually them until their is a statement made about them being engaged or something!!!!
my masterlist
fc: christinanadin
instagram ->
mclaren 📍 monaco
liked by princessyn, oscarpiastri, and others
mclaren swipe to see our very special guest in monaco!
tagged: princessyn
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user1 NO WAY
user2 omgg i can't believe she was there
user3 and with mclaren too wth??
user4 princess y/n's first f1 appearance!!!! & in papaya too she's jus like me fr
user5 so cute love her
oscarpiastri some might say...... papaya princess
liked by mclaren, princessyn
user6 ??? HES SO CHEESY
user7 oscar trying to flirt?
user8 who is she??
user9 y/n! she's the princess of monaco
user10 tbh i thought she was gonna be in ferrari garage or something
landonorris was such an honour!
liked by mclaren, princessyn
scuderiaferrari can we have her next 😕
mclaren not sure about that
princessyn 📍 monaco
liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris, and others
princessyn my first experience of formula one!! it was so much fun in the mclaren garage, thanks guys :))
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user11 she's soo humble
user12 love her, so cute
user13 THE OSCAR HAT AND PICCC
user14 taste omg??
user15 she's so real
user16 she said piastri rights
oscarpiastri so fun having you this weekend!
princessyn loved being there! thx again for your hospitality :)
oscarpiastri anything for a princess!
user17 rizz
landonorris thanks for coming y/n! (even tho you werent repping number 4)
princessyn hahah maybe next time 👀
lnfour we hope so
mclaren you're welcome back anytime 🧡
liked by princessyn
yourbff next time invite me
princessyn oh for sureee
twitter ->
messages ->
txts between oscar & lando !!!
instagram ->
yourbff
liked by princessyn, friend1, and others
yourbff can you tell i love my best friend
tagged: princessyn
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user22 we love her too tbh
user23 something something two pretty best friends
user24 oscar piastri's gf?
user25 HAHAH
princessyn love you more than anything
yourbff my princess (literally)!!!
princessyn and u? my queen 👑
oscarpiastri me too apparently
yourbff HAHAHA apparently? are you sure?
princessyn oscar 💀
user26 HAHAHA OSCAR?!?!!!
user27 omg he's a jokester
user28 oh it's definitely not true if they're this comfy making jokes 😂
user29 love this new era of y/n being friends w the f1 grid
princessyn posted a story
liked by oscarpiastri, yourbff, and others
user30 going where y/n <3
user31 omg so gorgeous
user32 how do u look so good without even trying
user33 perfect girl
oscarpiastri wow
princessyn shush you
oscarpiastri 😉 see you soon
user34 i wish i was u
user35 come to spanish gp pls 🥹
oscarpiastri posted a story
liked by landonorris, danielricciardo, and others
user36 omg who???
user37 OSCAR?
user38 wait...? tan? brunette..?
danielricciardo oh we are lucky enough to be graced with the princess’ presence again? 👀
oscarpiastri you know it
user39 fanning the flames of that random y/n & oscar rumour ..... 👀
user40 a moment for the dress, whoever she is
user41 soft launch much
landonorris making me feel extra single right now
liked by oscarpiastri
user42 WHO IS SHEEE
twitter ->
instagram ->
princessyn 📍 barcelona
liked by francisca.cgomes, alexandrasaintmleux, and others
princessyn back racing!
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user43 ahhh oscar cameo
user44 this is so cute
user45 she's so gorgeous
user46 wish i was a princess 🥹
landonorris god i hope you weren't the one in the car doing the racing
princessyn shut up lando
oscarpiastri shut up lando
landonorris okay okay my bad
user47 HAHAHAHA
yourbff you never miss 😍
liked by princessyn
francisca.cgomes oh to be you 💋
princessyn omg?! if you dont shut up
user48 she's real for that. kika is too perfect already
user49 the wags in her likes & comments ahhhhh
oscarpiastri posted a story
liked by yourbff, landonorris, and others
user50 WAIT IS THAT Y/N???
user51 what
user52 huh? so u are dating her or what
user53 oscar trying to rizz up the princess of monaco lol
user54 so sweet they're all friends now
landonorris good luck 😉
oscarpiastri thanks, i'll need it
alexandrasaintmleux 😍
liked by oscarpiastri
princessyn posted a story
liked by alexandrasaintmleux, oscarpiastri, and others
yourbff god it's so so beautiful
princessyn ikr 🥹 still crying
francisca.cgomes congratulations gorgeous
liked by princessyn
alexandrasaintmleux 🥹🥹🥹 angels
liked by princessyn
landonorris one of us now
princessyn ...great
user55 wait huh
oscarpiastri i love you
princessyn i love you
twitter ->
instagram ->
oscarpiastri
liked by landonorris, princessyn, and others
oscarpiastri my future wife ❤️
tagged: princessyn
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user61 omg what the hell how is this real
user62 WHY DIDNT YOU TELL US YOU WERE DATING
landonorris nah you just didnt look hard enough dont blame osc
user63 LANDO?!?!!?
user64 he cooked
yourbff CONGRATULATIONS GUYS!!!
charles_leclerc congratulations to the happy couple!
logansargeant congrats guys! it was a long time coming
user65 fym long time coming omg how long have they been dating bro
carlossainz55 so happy for you guys
pierregasly hope this means we'll be seeing more of y/n around the paddock!
oscarpiastri did kika hold a gun to your head as you wrote this?
estebanocon such amazing news, congratulations 🥂
mclaren our princess 🧡
liked by oscarpiastri, princessyn
francisca.cgomes congratulations sweeties <3
alexandrasaintmleux most gorgeous couple!
georgerussell63 hope im invited to the wedding !
user66 *crickets*
flavy.barla wishing you a lifetime of happiness 💖
alex_albon congratulations oscar & y/n
lilymhe gorgeous girl & gorgeous ring 💍
carmenmmundt such a lovely couple, congratulations 💕
user67 all the drivers & wags omgg ugh
princessyn ahhhhh i have butterflies!! i love you so much
oscarpiastri i love you so much more
THE END 🧡
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