#it's part of my soulless!nick thoughts

[silver-stake-through-the-heart]

Do you notice how the people whose souls are stolen by Amara act toward her like Nick acts toward Lucifer?

[scoobydoodean]

hot take ig but… dean wanting to contain jack was not cruel or even a bad idea…

first, it was not just dean’s idea. sam agreed, and cas had basically the same idea, just using the cage instead. but for some reason everybody ignores this!! second, containing dangerous people is what they always do. sam and cas have done so to dean. the s5 finale was all about locking up a dangerous powerful being. and there are other examples! third, jack was the most powerful being in the universe and had no soul meaning no ability to discern right from wrong. he was killing people! and they’ve always seen soulless people as dangerous. dean was willing to let sam die via the process of returning his soul bc he saw that soulless sam was not sam. and sam agreed!

like. yes dean was not handling the situation well, let alone gently, so i understand why sam and cas were frustrated. but his mother had just been killed (and ftr i do think cas was being kind of insensitive about it), and jack was still killing other people. dean’s allowed to be angry. he was being outwardly meaner, but sam was agreeing with him (he said a part of him wanted jack dead!) up until the point that dean actually agreed to kill jack for chuck.

idk i just feel like people really exaggerate dean’s actions in this situation especially in comparison to what sam and cas were saying and/or doing too. so i’m just wondering what you think of all of this? do you think dean was “right” or was he overreacting? or do you think the audience is too hard on dean (as always :/) about this? could this be another version of samdela effect? cause i feel like people misremember what the others were saying/doing in order to put more on dean…

also omg i just realized how long this became, so so sorry for the long rant!! if you can respond, thank you!

*opens my coat* would you care for some memes?

I will take your hot take and flambé it. When it comes to this subject, I don't feel inclined to be patient with fandom or carefully lay anything out piece by piece. I'm sick and tired of hearing about what a betrayal it was to put Jack in the box and how mean and evil and abusive it was blah blah blah cry me a river. I was there watching when that episode aired and saw how stupid everyone was about that episode in real time and it was annoying then and it continues to be annoying that almost no one seems to bother putting a single granule of thought into this episode or what Sam and Dean were thinking or what the stakes actually were. And yeah—it was not just Dean who did that despite the samdela effect hard at work causing people to insist Dean somehow forced Sam to go along with him when that categorically did not happen.

People act like Jack was just standing there shitting rainbows and unicorns out of his ass and Dean turned around and strangled him to death for it. What happened was Soulless Jack killed Sam and Dean's mom and then went off and turned someone into a pillar of salt for being an atheist and filled someone else's body with worms to punish them for not wanting to be turned into an angel. Then he showed up at the bunker trying to make nice in the most hauntingly emotionless way possible—calling killing Mary an accident and then in his next breath saying he snapped and killed her because she threatened to reveal that the manner in which he killed Nick was scary and disturbed. In other words—he made it very clear to Mary's sons that murdering her was not actually a fucking accident at all even while he was calling it one.

Jack: I know -- I know things have been bad. A-And, if it helps, I regret it. The accident. Sam: The -- The accident? Jack: What happened to Mary. She kept talking about my soul, t-that I didn't have a soul, and she kept pushing. Dean: Oh, so she made you do it. Jack: No, it -- it was me, but I didn't want this no-soul thing to become an issue between us. I guess I snapped. Before I knew it, it was all over. Dean: "It" being the accident.

So Sam and Dean tricked him (the most powerful being in all creation) into getting in a box and he sat in there for 10 minutes. Oh no. How horrible.

A lot of the stupid fandom response to this is rooted in the babyfication of Jack that ran rampant within fandom at the time and continues in many circles. I happen to like Jack, and when I say that, I mean that I actually like him, and not the fanon adultbabydestiellovechild the fandom invented who has the emotional and mental capacity of a two year old and can't understand the difference between right and wrong. The real Jack did understand, and the real Jack would be (and was when he returned) horrified by what soulless Jack did (and for more than just how it would impact him). Jack was always an emotional person who struggled to control great power, but he had a strong moral compass and he loved people. That Jack would never have subjected someone to the twisted biblical punishments soulless Jack did for the crime of not believing in god or in him???? That Jack would have thrown Dumah into a wall in a rage for the mere suggestion he kill people over their beliefs and said, "You're hurting people". That Jack also would have wanted Sam and Dean to lock him up to protect others.

Some of the fandom problem with this also has to do the soulless lore as a whole and the constant usage of Donatello as the "soulless people can manage" poster child. Which ignores not only soulless Jack's actual behavior and how deeply dangerous his powers make him, but... pretty much every other soulless person we ever saw in the series, from soulless Sam, to numerous victims of Amara who turned into raging murderers in season 11 after she ate their souls. Hell though—the same people who insist soulless Jack was some poor little baby who just needed gentle parenting probably also think there was nothing wrong with soulless Sam despite the fact that he watched his brother be assaulted multiple times and seemed to actively enjoy it. Just normal Sam things, right? Donatello is the exceptional soulless person—not the rule—and it's because it isn't in his best interest to make trouble.

The idea that soulless Jack could be molded was suggested by Cas, but he also (as you pointed out) ended up inquiring about putting Jack in The Cage, instead of the Ma'lak box (and after the Ma'lak box was destroyed, so it wasn't an option anymore).

Lbr—the misogyny also jumped out in this string of episodes. Countless posts one after the other about how stupid Mary was and how it was all her fault and Jack did nothing wrong. How dare she make Jack angry. God forbid. What a stupid, frail, illogical woman. She deserved to die long before that anyway because she was a terrible mother, right? I mean it was obvious this sort of nonsense would come from the fandom in advance, given how many people had meltdowns over Dean shooting Jack in the back (something that didn't hurt Jack in the least) to get him to stop strangling a black store clerk to death in 13.23. As always, the imagined frail little fee fees of the white adult baby that fans invented must supersede other people's lives. Jack should be allowed to throw whatever tantrums he wants and kill anyone he wants during them and in response, Dean should shush him and start singing lullabies and carry him to a rocking chair to nurse.

[sunnydaleherald]

The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Wednesday, October 25

GILES: For as long as there have been vampires, there's been the Slayer. One girl in all the world, a Chosen One. BUFFY: He loves doing this part. GILES: Alright. The Slayer hunts vampires, Buffy is a Slayer, don't tell anyone. Well, I think that's all the vampire information you need.

~~BtVS 1x02 “The Harvest”~~

[Drabbles & Short Fiction]

Sticky Solution (Xander, Cordelia, Norman Pfister, PG) by badly_knitted

A Stake WHAT?! (Faith/Hermione Granger, Harry Potter xover, E) by SnarkyGranger1

Never Unclaimed (Angel/Spike, E) by the_widow_twankey

Our Silly Little Game (Giles/Jenny, G) by Jess_Ann_Perreault

[Chaptered Fiction]

Soul Marks & Other Disasters, Chapter 5/5 Complete! (Buffy/Angel, G) by bluestarsandclouds

Slayers and Watchers, Chapter 7/7 Complete! (Buffy/Giles, E) by Skylark62

To Be Hers, Chapter 18 (Buffy/Spike, unrated) by faefawn

Days of Future Past, Chapter 27/34 (Buffy/OC, Angel/OC, Buffy/Angel, M) by a2zmom

Kinktober 2023, Chapter 25/31 (Buffy/Giles, E) by Skyson

House of Slayer: The Slayer, The Witch, & The Key, Chapter 21 (Buffy, Dawn, Harry Potter xover, T) by BrennaLynn

Forgotten Memories, Chapter 3/12 (Buffy/Angel, M) by Ilovebooks10

Her Old Fashioned Boy, Chapter 10 (Giles/Jenny, T) by Bobbie23

Return of the Soulless Vampire: BTVS S9 Rewrite, Chapter 43 (Ensemble, M) by Hoomanbeans

The Vampire's Daughter, Chapter 18 (Spike, OC, T) by Puella Pulchra

[French language] Une dernière nuit, Chapter 2 (Buffy/Spike, M) by Zenzi

43, Chapters 1-2 Complete! (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by Dynamite

The Plunge, Chapter 20 Complete! (Buffy/Spike, PG-13) by Harlow Turner

L'amore troverà la via, Chapter 10 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by Violette-Milka

Shut Up and Dance With Me, Chapter 3 Complete! (Buffy/Spike, PG-13) by honeygirl51885

When Anne met Spike, Chapter 3 (Buffy/Spike, G) by To Be Hers

Plenty of Fish , Chapter 12 (Buffy/Spike, PG) by all_choseny

In the Depths of October, Chapter 7 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by mcgnagallsarmy, acekoomboom, violettathepiratequeen

Ethan Rayne, Watcher, Chapter 17 (Buffy/Spike, PG) by Desicat

New Normal, Chapter 20 (Buffy/Spike, Adult Only) by holetoledo

Old Fashioned Romance, Chapter 3 (Xander/Steve Rogers, Marvel xover, FR21) by calikocat

Vampire Whxre, Chapter 1 (Buffy/Spike, Adult Only) by ClowniestLivEver

He's a Friend from Work, Chapter 2 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by DeamonQueen

Autumnal Shorts, Chapter 24 (Buffy/Spike, R) by VeroNyxK84

[Images, Audio & Video]

Artwork: Mini willow for tiny buffy (worksafe) by pzyii

Artwork: Halloween headers (Ensemble, worksafe) by onegirlinallthewrld

Artwork: [Spike drawing] (worksafe) by isevery0nehereverystoned

Artwork: She's Hell on the Old Skins (Buffy/Spike, G) by HappyWhenItRains

[Reviews & Recaps]

*WHO DUMPED WHO?!* Buffy the Vampire Slayer S5 Ep 10 "Into the Woods" Reaction: FIRST TIME WATCHING by Nick Reacts

FISHES?! Buffy The Vampire Slayer | 2x20 'Go Fish' | Blind Reaction by Vic

Werewolves! // Buffy the Vampire Slayer Episode 2x15 Reaction // I did not sed that coming! by Brooke Whipple

THE KISS! Buffy the Vampire Slayer Reaction - 3X5 - "Homecoming" ( Buffy Reaction / Review ) by Java Java Reactions

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER 5X22 REACTION | First Time Watching by EvilQK

Let's Rewatch Buffy! Season 1, Episode 11 by Jenny Trout

Buffy the Vampire Slayer 4x22: Restless Reaction!!!! by Victor & Grace Reacts

So I just finished 'Slayers'. Some thoughts [contains spoilers] by FlameFeather86

PODCAST: Fanholes Episode # 226: Buffy The Vampire Slayer [Episodes Discussed: "The Wish", "Once More With Feeling"] by Fanholes Podcast

[In Search Of]

Does anyone have any good Halloween themed spuffy fic recs? requested by bisexualdawnsummers

[Fandom Discussions]

One of my favourite Season 7 moments of Buffy, in the top-tier episode Lies My Parents Told Me by centrally-unplanned

Rewatching Buffy is also a fun exercise in context-aware consumption by centrally-unplanned

The lack of fleshed-out Buffy Army Plotline in Season 7 is a big issue for one of the Season’s key plot moments by centrally-unplanned

No matter how much people complain about Buffy’s soul lore... by coraniaid

do spuffy ever have an honest kiss? by silvermars

You know i just realized the stupidest thing about the writers not giving a Buffy a paycheck for being a Slayer in the later seasons? by confusedguytoo

Glory's Hobbits started by NoShip

10 Harsh Realities About Buffy's Character started by Skanky Vamp

Reacting to Reactions! - BtVS Season 3 [cass reacts starts S3] continued by multiple posters

Reacting to Reactions! BtVS Season 5 [EvilQK reaction to The Gift] continued by multiple posters

What are some moments of all those super-great-always-talked-about scenes that DON’T get talked about enough? by Thisisnotforyou11

What would the events of the series feel like to you if you were in the Buffyverse? by Tuxedo_Mark

Did Cordelia and Connor really have a mother son type of relationship when he was a baby? by jdpm1991

I am obsessed with Cangel by Sweet-Siren

Angel's curse is SO DUMB by JeSuisLaCockamouse

If you guys were ever going to see a film continuation of the TV show, what would you like to see in by staplerbot

Buffy Summers, Class Protector by UnquantifiableLife

The Watchers Council did not always have custodianship of the Slayer by Coven_Supreme

[Articles, Interviews, and Other News]

PUBLICATION: 10 Spooky Buffy The Vampire Slayer Episodes To Watch On Halloween by Screen Rant

PUBLICATION: Buffy The Vampire Slayer’s Emma Caulfield Reacts To The Show’s Ongoing Legacy As Slayers: A Buffyverse Story Is Released by CinemaBlend

PUBLICATION: Buffy's Top 10 Scariest Monsters of the Week by Sideshow

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[soullessjack]

as the leading expert in jackology 101 i must agree 🙏

there has never been a point in jack’s life where he wanted anything to do with Lucifer (and the one time he came close it was because he thought Lucifer had changed). which reminds me of the clip in 13x02 when the guys ask if Lucifer ever tried to reach out and jack has a mini-flashback to that exact thing happening while he was still being carried, and he just straight up lies and it’s dropped from there on out. he just did NOT like the guy lmao

also, as my autism commands me to nitpick (with love I swear), Lucifer did want Jack, but he also wanted jack to be a carbon copy of him and couldn’t be bothered to try and hide the blatant disappointment he had that his son was an autonomous separate person 💔 utterly tragic. for the most part Lucifer just seems to be more of a representation of everything Jack doesn’t want to be & is afraid he might be (and it’s very telling that he only ever showed the most ruthless violence to Lucifer’s vessel)

i do however think there was a LOT of potential for them to draw more parallels between sam and jack, particularly with their blood being “tainted” through Lucifer — Sam was psychic for a very weird slutty year or two of his life and Jack’s own blood is, A) angelic enough to burn in his veins when angel banishing sigils are used, and B) an active ingredient for summoning Lucifer from the dead. they’re body horror buddies! I’m not a Sam expert by any means except a few basics here and there, but I think it’s also very easy to draw parallels between his struggle for autonomy as a true vessel and jack’s struggle for autonomy as a direct descendant who was created to be exactly like his father.

as for jacks complicated relationship to Lucifer, weeeelllll let’s take the elevator back up to these things I just said:

“there has never been a point in jack’s life where he wanted anything to do with Lucifer (and the one time he came close it was because he thought Lucifer had changed”

“for the most part Lucifer just seems to be more of a representation of everything Jack doesn’t want to be & is afraid he might be (and it’s very telling that he only ever showed the most ruthless violence to Lucifer’s vessel)”

so, to start: Lucifer was always the embodiment of what was deemed wrong and bad about Jack, even before they met. Of course Jack just wants to figure himself out and he can’t feasibly do that without knowing his Other Half, so he tries to make genuine connection with Lucifer—taking his father’s words into consideration, occasionally admitting he’s right, but only to let it be what it is. everyone is so jumpy to think he’s going dark if he so much as vaguely agrees with Lucifer and you can see jack is definitely silently frustrated with that. but still, throughout all of this, remember what Lucifer stands for. when Lucifer starts putting on a goody-goody show to get Jack on his side, he thinks “okay, if the embodiment of everything wrong and evil about me can change and be good, there’s still hope for me.” jack was literally just holding out for the shrivel of hope that he could change what he was doomed to become, and his vacant staring after the s13 victory was, to me at least, very telling that he’s been smacked in the face with the idea that he is forever doomed. he couldn’t redeem his father, so how can he ever find hope for himself?

not to talk about soulless jack again but that’s exactly what I’m doing (my url isn’t normaljack is it?) but i am genuinely just so caught up on the implication, or the idea anyways, that jack taking Nick and Lucifer out so violently was effectively just a visual aid for him completely rejecting and severing his every connection to them. like Mary said, the whole plan was all about him, and there is constant emphasis on 1) Jack’s blood, and 2) Lucifer and Nick still considering him their son bc the psyche damage is just that bad and they’re the exact type of parent who can’t take a hint. Jack’s blood literally burns in his veins AGAIN when Nick burns it in the old house miles away.

if Sam was the whole new level of freak for being poisoned, Jack is the final boss level. He’s biologically tied to this great ancient evil that keeps threatening and harming his loved ones, and he’s the reason Donatello (someone he canonically considers a friend) was caught up in Nick’s big plan and game night is ruined forever.

I’ll shorten it bc I’ve gone on long enough already but TLDR: the scripts make a point of describing how cathartic it is for jack to violently torture and kill nick, how he’s sooo focused and ‘flushed with pride’ over it. he’s rejecting and disowning his father as explicitly as he possibly can. he was sick and TIRED of his identity being overshadowed by the biggest bitch in the universe and frankly it should not have been the tipping point for his life crashing down around him bc he was right ❤️

do you think Jack ever envied or hated/disliked Sam because he was someone Lucifer actually wanted

I might have to outsource to a Jack Understander (@soullessjack, @shallowseeker only if you wanna talk about the little guy tho :3 ) to get a totally accurate analysis of this, but despite the potential for angst being absolutely insane, I'm gonna say that I THINK no (TRAGICALLY. SORRY ITS REALLY GOOD ANGST) because Jack fully rejected Lucifer before he was even born. I don't think he'd ever feel any resentment towards Sam even if he wanted Lucifer to want him after watching what Michael did to Dean (aka what angels do to their vessels).

That being said, I do think he has complicated feelings regarding his relationship to Lucifer and it's a shame that Spn never had Jack or Sam ever have a moment about it.

[theangiediary]

@stanfordsweater WW ask

Tumblr ate the original message, so reconstructing here.

happy wincest wednesday angie 🥳 what do you think is sam's favourite funky little costume that dean's ever worn, and vice versa?

Can I be contrary and say.. Sam doesn’t actually like seeing Dean in costume. At most, he’s neutral/occasionally spares a laugh to tease Dean, but it’s not really something he thinks about. Because really Sam delights knowing Dean and seeing other sides of him. Not a character. He’s so used to the mask Dean puts on everyday being the brave hero, brotherfather, etc, that there’s not much appeal to a fake character.

I’m thinking of several scenes: 

the (deleted, and then added in later seasons) scene where Sam says he doesn’t like Halloween for general “not a costume” fan

Fresh Blood where he tells Dean to stop acting like he’s not afraid of his upcoming deal because Sam can tell

Faith when he got to hen Dean for a change and took... a bit of an excessive amount of delight in that, imo*

soulless Sam’s reaction to Dean handling Bobby John (new paternal side)

in the renfest battle, Sam enjoyed Dean’s joy, not the costume itself (although it looked damn good).

*IF I was going to go into what headcanon personally delights me.... it’s not really a costume, but I would say Sam would get an uncomfortable boner seeing Dean in a hospital gown. Like, after knowing that Dean’ll be fine, visiting his hospital room and hnnng. It shouldn’t be hot! Sam knows that! But he’s laying there all vulnerable and grumpy and his dick’s this close to being exposed to everyone.....

Dean would notice. It’d take him a second to work out what was happening (he overestimates Sam’s emotional reactions so he’d first think his brother was just especially upset about the injury), but once he figures it out Dean would nick a couple from the room before checkout and instigate the roleplay with him. Something dumb like send him out for dinner, and then soak in ice water for a bit, make himself almost sick before slipping into the gown and waiting for Sam in their shared bed.

Because Dean however, does like seeing Sam in costume. He’s a simple guy- hot person + slutty outfit = yes. Also, opposite to Sam, Dean likes escaping in movies where good wins, evil loses, and so I think he likes playing pretend more overall.

angel/demon sex dream

comments about Jason Voorhees

cowboy fetish

renfest delight

thinking Sam was cute in Our Town

Dean Smith’s everything

So any of them that Sam looked good in, Dean is down. Doesn’t matter if Dean gets to dress up as well, or if Sam performs for him. Full gimp stuff probably not, and lawyer/cop might make him. I don’t know, sad? Reminder of Stanford; too close to what Sam almost is (when separated from Dean). Professor!Sam maybe, especially during the later seasons. They are both kinda booksluts. Naughty student roleplay definitely. He is. So weird. About high school😬. Ooh, spanking, anyone? 

The yogi look was hot, but idk maybe Sam needs to respect the character he’s dressed as to buy into it a little bit? Cowboys he’d put up with for Dean’s sake and yeah they’re rough and masculine, but for all his Organic Farmers Market arc of late seasons, he’d eyeroll “weed jesus” men hard.

Hmm, that might be my fun, totally unsupported scenario for Dean actually. First time he got his dick sucked by a dude was in highschool, high as fuck in the back of his friend’s van, Dark Side playing. Dean recreates this memory with Sam, who goes absolutely wild with possession, gonna drive any thoughts of Kyle or anyone else out of Dean's pretty little head. Funny version: Sam gets hit way harder by the weed (low tolerance) and thinks he’s championing this shit, but in reality his timing’s off, no suction, etc, while Dean’s fondly looking down at him in his lap and petting his hair. Uh. The costume part is tie dye t-shirts, a headband for Sammy, and hemp bracelets for Dean.

[softpine]

Did you see hbo max is making a show for the last of us?

yes!!! i’m so excited!!! i talked about it a little on my personal, i’ll just copy it here 💖

AHHH i just remembered to watch the tlou show trailer and omg i’m so much more excited now than i was before!! i was worried about bella's portrayal of ellie but now that we’ve seen a little bit more of her in the role, i think she’ll do just fine. the part where she pretends to be clicking made me go 🥺 that was sooo ellie. and henry and sam!!! they look & sound so perfect! not super sold on nick offerman as bill because when i look at him i still see nick offerman, but i hope that will change. i can’t believe frank will be in the show, i’m so excited to see what they do with him and bill. and ashley johnson as ellie’s mom???? for real????? that’s so fucking cool omg and i can’t wait to see what melanie lynskey is here for

#overall i'm so impressed #i really thought this would be a soulless cash grab but it's starting to look like it'll be a good show on its own

[beholdingslut]

just went to play ac odyssey, couldn’t find it, remembered i sold some games last year, found a game i thought i’d sold still on the shelf, became seized with paranoia that my commentary on odyssey being soulless and a bad assassin’s creed game had caused me to sell it despite it being my comfort game of all time, then nick realised we didn’t have bloodborne either, i start spiralling thinking i’ve somehow had an amnesiac episode and sold all our beloved video games, FINALLY log into my games store profile and see i sold only terrible games (the last of us part ii, ac unity), which means the missing games could have been lent to my brother, which means i will probably never see them again

[according-to-the-laura]

StackedNatural Day 150: 14x17

StackedNatural Masterpost: [x]

April 4, 2022

14x17: Game Night

Written by: Meredith Glynn

Directed by: John F. Showalter

Original air date: April 4, 2019

Plot Synopsis:

Sam and Dean race to help a friend in need. Meanwhile, Mary is concerned for Jack's wellbeing, and Castiel enlists help from Jo/Anael to track down a miracle.

Features:

Mousetrap and Jiffy Pop, Donatello speaking in tongues, Anael and Cas bonding, Nick breaking Jack’s nose, a new Samulet, the most disgusting lockpick, battle of the Satan vessels, a ritual to rescue an angel from the Empty, an intervention gone wrong.

My Thoughts:

The first time I watched this episode I was so delighted by the family game night and I couldn’t wait to have a cute happy episode where they get like, transported into Mousetrap or something. Whoops.

It’s nice for Stacked purposes that we get the new Samulet and the information about Joshua so close to having watched Dark Side of the Moon. I wish Cas had been involved in the main plot of the episode though - it would have been interesting to see him see Jack doing the first truly horrifying soulless thing with killing Nick. It’s a nice thematic line up with Anael making him accept the reality of the situation, though, and having two people capable of healing would have messed up the plot a bit.

I like seeing Sam dealing with anger issues again, it was such an integral part of the earlier seasons and I missed that kind of fire and interesting characterization.

There’s a lot to be said about Mary being fridged again, but honestly I don’t hate it as a plot development. After all, we’re not far away from learning that God is telling a story, and what do you do right before the last act other than take away every support that your protagonist has? So Mary has to die, which drives Jack and Cas from Sam and Dean, who are then left at their darkest point. I also think the scene between Jack and Mary is really well played. Jack is going by the script he learned from the Winchesters, which is that you stop the bad guy and that makes you a good guy. They haven’t taught him the nuances because they barely understand them themselves, and he doesn’t have the mechanism to feel out what’s right. He’s still a child in terms of experience, and he has a child’s reaction to being told he did a bad thing, only he has way too much power to do that safely.

I am so torn between the ritual plotline, because on it’s own it’s kind of a sexy plot to have the devil’s vessel choose him and want him back so much that he’s willing to go to insane lengths to do it (if only it wasn’t Pellegrino, rip). On the other hand, they PERFECTLY SET UP a way to bring Cas back from the Empty and then just… didn’t. They have his blood on Dean’s jacket, if they needed a vessel or some leftover grace they could have gotten Claire, it would have been perfect.

Notable Lines:

“So he saves one angel… and watches millions of people die screaming, every day. What does that say about him?”

“Everything’s gonna be fine.”

Laura’s (completely subjective) Episode Rating: 8.6

IMdB Rating: 7.8

In Conclusion: This is beautifully setting up what is in contender for my favourite season finale, so I love it for that at least.

<< Previous Day  |  Next Day >>

[awesomerextyphoon]

A Warrior’s Heart | Phase 1: Welcome – 3

A Hero’s Welcome?

Summary: When someone with a connection to Steve’s past dies, he’s reminded of the promise he made to Dr. Erskine and whether or not he’s failed. Can Ife help him see that he hasn’t?

Characters: Steve Rogers, Ifekerenma ‘Ife’, Abraham Erskine (mentioned), Marlene Erskine (mentioned), Nick Fury, Eliza Maza, Azeneth Ramirez

Main Pairing: Stucky x Black!OFC (Ifekerenma ‘Ife’)

Rating: 18+/Explicit

Word Count: 5,801

Warnings: Depression, Talk of Death, Slightly Cynical Steve, Politics, Smutty Thoughts

A/N: I’m sorry that this so long. I really wanted to try something different with Erskine and the time around CA:TFA. Also, I wanted to explore how Steve would be feeling right after AoU (little bit of a downer, but it will get better). Furthermore, this story will diverge a bit from MCU in terms of Steve’s and Bucky’s abilities. Feedback is welcomed and greatly appreciated. Dividers were by the lovely @firefly-graphics​. Thanks to @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog​ for the beta!

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

<<Previous

Early June 2015

“What do you have to report, Ifekerenma?”

Ife pursed her lips together,”Wanda is doing well with her training. Djamila and Nazaret had some sung her praises during their first session.”

It took a few days to convince the team and Fury to let her friends train Wanda. Luckily Nat had her back and Wanda was able to show the compound how much she improved from what Ife was able to teach her. Unfortunately, Azeneth was unable to make it due to being tied up with a BNA mission and relocating to the NYC division.

“That’s good to hear. Have you made made any progress with the others?”

Ife’s eyes casted down in thought. Vision was a no-go for now. Pietro was warming up to her, but he thought she was still suspicious (wasn’t wrong). She didn’t want to try Rhodey yet (too close to Tony). Nat was..difficult; she’ll try again later.

“I’m going to try Steve next. He seems like a safe bet, even with the serum. Hopefully, he won’t catch before it’s time. I will need Erskine’s folder though.”

Eliza’s lips turned upward in a small smile, “Agreed. I’ll have it sent to you within the hour. Best of luck, Ife.”

And with that, Ife got dressed and headed towards the common room.

  Steve leaned back and clasped his hands together behind his head in thought and vexation.

The 21st century must be fucking with him.

Right after Operation ‘Captain Briar Rose’, Steve went to Brooklyn. He could barely find any trace of his old neighborhood. The apartment complex where he and his mother lived was now a ritzy condominium with a Starbucks on the ground level.

All of the places he’d go with Bucky were now soulless veneers filled with empty promises of ‘happiness’ or ‘self-esteem’.

He remembered the time Bucky bailed him out of yet another beating by Arnie and his gang back in 1928. His mother berated him for getting in yet another fight while Bucky’s mom laughed and treated them to ice cream from the local sweets parlor. Bucky’s sisters – Rebecca, Rose, and Annabelle – were making a fuss and bursted out in giggles when Annabelle got ice cream in Bucky’s hair. It was one of the best days that year.

A T-Mobile now stands in its place.

All of his friends and comrades save Bucky and Peggy are dead; he nearly bawled in the middle of briefing when found out that Timothy ‘Dum Dum’ Dugan died and had a cry alone in his quarters afterwards.

Felt shitty about the current state of the country. It seemed as though everything has gotten worse. He found out about the Gulf, Afghanistan, and Iraq Wars. How income and wealth inequality has somehow gotten as bad as, if not worse, than the Gilded Age. Corruption has turned DC and NYC into dog and pony show.

He was furious at all of the politicians and corporations that wanted him to endorse them or their actions. They wanted Captain America’s helmet and shield to mask their heinous acts. They were the same if not worse than Senator Brandt.

Some days Steve wished SHIELD let him stay in the ice. Even worse, there were days he felt that Captain America was for an America that never was.

Nowadays, he felt even more like an anomaly.

It started when he got out of the ice. He felt a lot stronger and faster; only Thor knew the extent of it and he has to hold back a lot when fighting for fear of government asking for more of his blood. Though he suspected Ife and Natasha might be onto him.

He was a lot hungrier than before he went on ice as well. Often time, he would have late night ‘dinners’ (now it's every night), To be honest, he was a bit embarrassed at how much he ate, though the thought of pinning the blame on Ife did cross his mind. It wouldn’t work due to Ife almost never eating with the team and Sam said that he would know if Ife was the culprit. Steve suspected that Ife has been using her connections to restock the food between when he retired to his quarters and before the rest of the team came for breakfast. Also, she kept leaving him fun pop culture facts and media recommendations for the night.

Steve didn’t feel he could go to Dr. Cho since he doubted she had anything to go on in his case.

He did wonder if Ife could help him. She seemed to like helping the team and she was knowledgable about Non-Humans. Wanda’s rapid improvement in her powers and control bolstered his decision.

Sighing, Steve sat up straight in his chair and picked up the letter he received that morning. Marlene Philomena Erskine had passed away and he was invited to her funeral.

It was sad to have yet another link to his past slip from his grasp.

  Steve was finishing up another book to fight off his jitters. It was the night before the operation and he needed to have a few moments of respite from the war.

He was so engrossed in what he was reading that he failed to notice Dr. Erskine entering.

Erskine, for his part, was eyeing several books in Rogers’ makeshift bookshelf: They Odyssey, Of Mice and Men, Murder on the Orient Express, Tender is the Night, Their Eyes Were Watching God, Homage to Catalonia, and To Have and have Not.

“What do you think of the book?” Erskine asked as he sat across the startled recruit.

“Just finished. Y’think it wise to get buzzed before a major operation, sir?” Steve noted when he saw the bottle and two shot glasses on the bed.

Erskine chucked, “Calms my nerves a bit. What did you think of the book?”

Steve pressed his lips together for a moment, “It was a good read. The book had a lot of good points for something written eleven years ago.”

“What truths?”

“Well, for one thing, how technology is used to make the populace happy, but not better. The World Government found a way to get people to willingly trade self-expression, self-awareness, and their happiness for cheap happiness and comfort. Makes you wonder if the US was next, you know?”

Erskine was taken aback by his answer. It was much deeper than most of commanding officers gave if they even read the book.

Though that last sentence was interesting.

“What do you mean next?”

“Isn’t that what happened in Germany?”

Erskine sighed, “Yes and no. Most people here think Hitler came out of nowhere, but he didn’t. Not everyone in Germany was for WWI. There was a 100,000 person march in Berlin, but it didn’t matter since the Social Democratic Party failed to rise to the occasion and went along with war effort. Many were scapegoated for Germany failure, Matthias Erzberger for instance.”

“What about the Weimar Republic?”

Once again, Erskine was taken aback by Steve’s knowledge, “Weimar Germany was a great place to be creative, curious, and make new discoveries. I met my wife, Greta, in Berlin during that time. I made a lot of friends, friends I had to leave behind.”

Erskine frowned as his face darkened,��The terrible thing, my friend, was not that Hitler was dangerous, it was that either people didn’t take him as the threat he was or they wanted to use him for their own ends. The cops and judges sympathized with the Nazi Party to get one over the Socialists and Communists. Industrialists wanted to make money off of the Nazis getting into power. Even the German and International newspapers didn’t cover him with the urgency required.”

“That’s terrible.”

“Ja, and it almost happened here, didn’t it?”

Steve nodded in reference to the America First movement and the German American Bund. He still remembers getting the crap beaten out of him by the Silver Shirts when he spoke out against them a few years ago.

“So why did you choose me?”

“I suppose that is the best question.” Erskine admitted while glancing at Steve’s bookshelf, “What do you think of the Odyssey?”

Steve shrugged, “The adventures were fun, but they were just fantasy.”

“They may not be, Mein Freund. How old do you think I am?”

“Uh, mid sixties?”

Erskine laughed, “You’re too kind. I will be 94 this September,” he smiled noting Steve’s shock, “Things are not always as they seem. I come from a long line of ‘healers’ dating back to before Rome. One of them was able to ‘make a man more’. They inspired me to go into this profession.”

“Making super soldiers?”

“Medicine and bio-chemical engineering.”

“Oh”

“Did you know that you will not be first to undergo this?”

“Who was?”

“His name was Konrad Jager. He was a lot like you: small, frail, but had a great deal of courage and compassion. He was willing to fight Nazis in the streets knowing he’d lose. One day in 1930, his parents begged me to save him as the doctors had given up all hope.

I was woking on a serum that would make the body impervious to all diseases rather than wait for the next outbreak to occur. I thought it would propel the medical field.

The trial worked and he was healed. He became much taller and broader in size as a result.”

Erskine pulled out a picture of himself next to a tall, well-built young man.

“That’s Konrad isn’t it?”

“Yes. I was able to help eight more people through the earlier version of the serum. All but one turned out well.”

“What happened to the one?”

“Ah yes, Eren Kant. He was a shy young man before the serum, but then became more like Hodge: a philander, arrogant, and bit of a bully with a temper. He ‘grew too big for his britches’ as one would say and was arrested by the Munich police. He let his arrogance blind him and he escaped in a way that intrigued Der Fuhrer and was taken to Berlin soon after. By this time, rumors had spread of my work and the Nazis were anxious to be the ‘best of the Aryans’. They were able to get my whereabouts from Eren and sent Schmitt to fetch me, but I was already on my way to Switzerland when he reached my home.”

“How did he get you?”

Erskine slightly jerked his head to the side and back, “A year prior to my attempted escape, I met a man in Geneva who warned of the dangers that lied in Berlin. He gave me his card if I needed to escape. In retrospect, I shouldn’t have waited so long before I made the phone call. I was tipped off by an old colleague of Eren entering Nazi custody.

Everything was set. My family and I were to enter Switzerland by crossing Lake Constance. We made it to Meerburg and the lake was in sight when Schmitt and his agents cut us off.

Schmitt believed that there was a power left behind by the gods. He believed himself to be a leader of a new race of men. He wanted me to ‘perfect the serum’, make him stronger than Eren. He had my children, Klaus and Marlene, taken to the outskirts of town as insurance implying that they would be sent to Dachau if I should fail.

I stalled for as long as I could hoping Schmitt would forget about me, but it was not meant to be. A few years after I was taken hostage, Schmitt stormed into my lab and pointed a gun to Greta demanding I give him the serum.”

“Did it make him stronger than Eren?”

“It did, but it had...side effects. The serum was not ready. Schmitt’s skin turned red and his face became so disfigured that Hitler called him the Red Skull. He killed Greta with his bare hands,” Erskine wiped away a few tears, “and ordered Marlene and Klaus to be sent to Dachau while I was banished to the dungeons.

Fortunately, Agent Carter and the SOE were able to save Marlene and myself. Though Klaus sacrificed himself when the agents could only save one of them.”

“Your son is a hero.”

“I only wish I could’ve told him that myself. But, back to your original question. I chose you because, like Konrad, you are a weak man. You see, the serum amplifies everything; good becomes great and awe-inspiring, bad becomes worse and a nightmare. Men who are strong their entire lives often do not value strength and abuses it. However, a weak man who is compassionate and brave will use it to help others. You were chosen because you had the aforementioned virtues and because you use your mind.

The world does not need perfect soldiers, look where that has gotten us. No, what we need right now are good men.”

Erskine poured out two shots and gave a glass to Steve.

Steve raised his glass, “To the little guys.”

The liquor was just about to touch his lips when Erskine snatched the glass from him, “What are you doing? You have an operation tomorrow. No fluids.”

Steve chuckled as Erskine bid him farewell and good luck tomorrow.

  Ife found Steve in the Common Room hunched over a chair with a letter in his hands. Emotional echoes of gloom came off in waves as she approached him.

“Whatcha looking at, Steve?”

When Steve didn’t respond, she gently placed a hand on his shoulder, “What’s wrong?”

Steve finally turned to Ife, “I received an invite to a funeral. It’s for Marlene Philomena Erskine, Dr. Abraham Erskine’s daughter.”

Ife nodded in understanding; he feels that he failed Marlene by not protecting Dr. Abraham Erskine.

But in fact, he didn’t fail her.

She lived quite the life for a human.

Not long after her father’s assassination, Marlene became a badass mechanical engineer and physicist. Her designs and schematics for transportation vehicles and energy storage/distribution gave the colonizer nations a fighting chance during the Wars Against Colonialism.

Though part of it was because the UA was a little cocky at that point. Marlene sure lit a fire under their ass! Ife can still hear her Aunt Eziamaka pouting at the news of one of UA bases nearly falling into their control.

Marlene’s assistance with the war effort didn’t last long as her gratitude towards the people who saved both her and her father wasn’t enough to overlook the Military’s treatment of some her colleagues.

Her life from there was pretty standard. She became a professor at MIT, got married and had a few kids.

BNA took her off the ‘humans of special interest’ list in 1971.

Thinking back on it, Marlene may have had a better life by her father not making it past WWII.

Though Ife thought it would be wise not to mention this to Steve.

“When is the funeral?”

Steve didn’t raise his head, “It’s in a week.”

“In that case, might I accompany you?”

“Yes...and thank you.”

“No Problem! See you later.” Ife wrapped her arms around him in a quick hug and went on her way leaving Steve slightly bewildered.

  Steve didn’t know what to make of Ifekerenma.

She was always asked the team how they were feeling at what seemed to be the right moment. Shoot, she even talked to custodial staff that few of ever acknowledge. Compassionate to nearly everyone, especially the child hostages during the last mission.

She’s nerdy to the point of Sam jokingly calling her a weeb (anime lover?) when she walked around in an oversized Cowboy Bebop t-shirt once. Wanda mentioned a ‘digital friend’ in her room and caught her mentioning how slow Stark’s tech was much to the amusement of team at Tony’s expense.

Steve’s certain Nat sent Clint a video of the whole thing.

Also, she was what Sam called a ‘Supreme Chef’. He contently patted his midsection remembering the feast she prepared for the team last night. Her cooking would’ve put some of Stark’s gourmet chefs to shame. She asked the team what they liked and she ended up having to create a dinner rotation. Steve was especially touched when she went to an antique bookstore for a recipe that was close to what his mother would’ve made for him.

Furthermore, she would leave out little homemade treats/ snacks at night. Pietro and Sam would sneak some when they thought no one was looking. She even giggled when he accidentally let out a huge belch after an amazing dinner a couple nights ago saying it’s a sign of thanks on her home planet, Avlenia.

Ife always called him Steve; not ‘Captain’ or ‘Cap’ or even ‘Good ol’Century Virgin’ (damn it, Tony!). She never made light of him ‘taking an ice nap’ or asking him about the 1940s in a demeaning way like some reporters and ‘little upstarts on social media’. Somehow, Ife found out about his love of drawing and got him art supplies with a list of recommended artists

She made him feel more like a person and not a symbol or a far off figure who’s emotionless.

Steve felt warm whenever he was around her in a way not unlike Bucky or Peggy though much more like Bucky. She seemed to sense that he was desperate to truly be seen in way that only Sam and sometimes Nat has.

It also didn’t hurt that she was a total knockout. He had the, ahem, pleasure of seeing her out of her uniform and training outfits a few times. She usually wore clothes that were more on the modest side...except for that one time when she wore a Sailor Moon crop top and high-waisted shorts as a dare from Nat. Half of the compound was staring and Steve spent most of the day in his quarters nursing a hard on he was so aroused.

And yet, Ife was one of the toughest women he knew; even Nat was a little scared of her (at least, he thinks). She might be the strongest person physically and she doesn’t take shit from people who badmouth her or the team; Agent Roussel learned that the hard way.

All in all, Ife was...something else, someone he wanted to get close to.

  The day of Marlene’s funeral started out well enough.

Ife spent the early morning making Sam’s request of cinnamon rolls, sausage, omelettes, waffles, and hash browns since he won the raffle of Vision’s turn as he doesn’t eat.

She was handing out everyone’s first servings (didn’t care what happened afterwards) when she felt Steve’s emotional echoes of depression, melancholy, and despair noting how his eyebrows furrowed and how tense his body language was.

She just hoped she could get to him.

  Steve was walking to garage hoping his outfit wasn’t too much.

Nat somehow convinced him into wearing a Highbridge Black Custom Suit with an Eastley Dobbey Blue Shirt, a Black Solid Tie, a Navy Blue Pocket Square, and Ink Black Dress Shoes.

He ‘upped the swoon dial’ as Nat put it. Could’ve sworn he heard Sam snickering.

Steve reached the entrance hoping not to keep Ife waiting when he heard clicking of heels behind him.

He turned around to find Ife looking almost unearthly.

She was wearing a black Ankara (?) dress with a cape that was black on the outside and golden on the inside with various blue, silver, and khaki rectangle clusters. Her hair was mostly contained in a wrap with a few strands framing her lovely face. Her full, plump lips were coated in a Light Plum (?) Matte Lipstick and she wore minimal gold eye shadow.

Her outfit did a splendid job of hinting at her voluptuous curves without needlessly flaunting them like the women who throw themselves at him at press tours.

Ife smiled at him and asked which car were they taking.

Steve motioned to one of the Black SUVs and the two of them strapped in for the three hour car ride.

  Ife sighed and gazed out the window at the scenery. Neither one of them had said anything in the past twenty minutes. Steve wasn’t a fan of most of the music that’s on the radio despite Sam’s best efforts. Ife had to break out her puppy dog eyes to get him to let them listen to some instrumental music from her favorite movies.

It seemed that they weren’t going to say anything until Steve cleared his throat.

Ife, not wanting to suffer in silence, decided break it, “How did you know Marlene?”

Steve raided his eyebrows for a split second, “I didn’t. I just feel like I should pay my respects, you know? I mean, I should attend the daughter of the man I failed’s funeral.”

The last sentence struck a chord with Ife. Emotional echoes of despair hit her like a tsunami.

Tentatively, Ife continued, “How did you fail Erskine?”

“I-I don’t think I’ve fulfilled my promise to him. The country has changed so much since I was on ice. It’s funny; I thought that Brave New World would only have a one of two aspects come to life, but I didn’t see nearly the whole book being right.”

Ife didn’t argue with the last two points. The US was nothing but a never-ending commercial sometimes. People were too busy being ‘happy’ or trying to get the newest thrill to realize that they were living in a sham of a republic.

Though she was concerned about the first sentence.

“What was the promise you made to Erskine? If you don’t mind me asking.”

Steve turned slightly, “To be true to who I am; a good man, not a perfect soldier. To be more like Konrad.”

Ife nodded musing on his answer. Erskine would want everyone he helped to be a good person considering the dangers of such power.

Though she wondered if she knew Dr Abraham’s full history.

Abraham Erskine came from a long line of Homo Magis who specialized in Alchemy . He turned to science when it was clear that his magical powers would never manifest (being only 1/16 Homo Magi). Erskine started working on what would become the Super Soldier Serum in 1920 after the witnessing the horrors of WWI firsthand as a medic.

He made a breakthrough in 1927 when he found what looked to be an old power cell in the attic of his childhood home. Turns out it was a modified Atlantean battery dating back to the 1600s, but whatever.

Konrad Jager was the first of nine volunteers; most of whom went on to fight in the Spanish Civil War with the International Brigades and be part of the German Resistance’s Special Forces during WWII.

Needless to say, they were recruited into BNA’s European Division.

Only Eren Kant was deemed a failure in the end.

Ife shook her head at the info in Erskine’s folder.

Eren was pompous dumbass who broke himself out jail by bending/breaking the bars of his cell after getting arrested for being a player and bully by the Munich Police in August of 1935. His show of superhuman strength got Erskine’s work onto the Hitler’s radar. BNA had to send a cleaner to ‘handle’ Eren before he could get everyone in even more trouble.

She wondered if Konrad and the others would make an appearance.

“What do mean by not staying true to yourself?”

Steve sighed, “It seemed a lot easier to do so in my time.”

Ife wanted to go further, but she couldn’t. Steve was punishing himself up for something he couldn't control and it was tragic.

She hoped that she could actually help him, not for the mission, but for himself.

  They arrived at the venue twenty minutes early. Steve was trying (failing) to fix his tie while Ife was looking as glamorous and poised as can be.

Sensing Steve’s unease, she gave his hand a comforting squeeze, “You’ll do fine,” she whispered as she fixed his tie while not trying inhale his delicious natural scent like a creep (again).

“Let’s go inside.”

  Everyone seemed to stop what they were doing when they entered the venue. Though Ife had to hand it to the guests; no one asked Steve for an autograph or a selfie. She noted several BNA officials and a couple of Earth-based Non-Human big wigs in attendance.

Guess Marlene was popular.

“Ife!” Azeneth shouted as she strode over to from a corner and enveloped her in a hug.

“Azeneth, how are you? I didn’t think you would be back from Mexico City so soon.”

“Well, the mission was short and they wanted me in New York to accompany Eliza here. Now, who is this fine gentleman, Ife?” Azeneth queried while Steve started shifting uncomfortably.

“This is Steve Rogers, one of my new teammates and Ca-”

“Captain America. I know, Ife. I was jesting.”

Ife sighed dramatically while rolling her eyes, “Steve, this is Azeneth. She’s one of my best Earth-based friends.”

“Kickass friend.” Azeneth corrected, “How are you liking Ife? She’s not too much trouble.”

“Stop it, ‘Aze!” Ife playfully hit Azeneth’s shoulder, “Feel free to ignore her, Steve.”

“Hmm, no. I don’t think I will, especially after the stunt you pulled on the first day at the compound.”

Azeneth burst out laughing at Ife’s shocked expression and Steve’s sly grin. She probably would’ve kept goin if not for Eliza cutting into their conversation.

“Excuse us, Mr. Rogers. I’ll have to speak with Ife for a moment. My name’s Eliza Maza, by the way.”

  Once they were out of Steve’s line of sight (Azeneth was keeping him busy), Eliza activated a noise canceller.

“So did anyone die in the attack on the Magic Council?” Ife asked as she made sure Steve wasn’t looking at them.

“No one was harmed, but several books are missing from the library.”

“Shit! Okay. Well, would Dr. Strange be available to assist Wanda with her training? Wong and Nazaret are at the Sanctum and he said that he knew of some spells that could help.”

“I’ll look into it. I should have an answer in a week”

“Okay.”

“Ife, please give me a call when you get back to the compound.”

Ife eyed Konrad Jager, Gregor Eisenberg, Sonje Decker, and Lukas Denhart making their way to Steve. She hoped they weren’t going to drop an info bomb on him today.

“I will.”

  The service was short and sweet as Marlene didn’t want everyone to be bored to tears on her behalf. The crowd got a laugh out that joke.

Afterwards, Marlene granddaughter, Zahara, requested if Steve could stay for a bit. She gave him a beautifully wrapped package.

“My grandmother wanted you to have this. She saw you fighting in the Battle of New York and knew you would know what to do with it.”

“It would be an honor, Miss.”

  Ife thought about her earlier conversation with Steve on the say back. She realized what’s happened to Steve was heartbreaking.

Here was a man who gave up everything for a country that only wants him as a cudgel for their heinous deeds. Someone who, if he hadn’t fallen into the ice, would’ve probably been ruined by the same country he swore to protect. They would’ve labeled him as a communist and destroyed his good name for not immediately getting on board with the next war.

To be honest, Ife didn’t think much of Steve before joining the team. She thought he was just the banner boy for colonizers to feel good; he was the reminder of that brief moment when the US was totally the bad guys (totally being the operative word).

But now?

She saw the toll the helmet and shield had on him. Ife doubted he knew that he was going to be alive for awhile judging how neither Konrad or the others aged a day since they received Serum 1.0 and Steve supposedly got one that was at least 3x as powerful.

She wanted to comfort him somehow, but she was lost on what to do.

When she got back to the compound, she gave Steve a hug and went straight to her quarters to call Eliza.

“Eliza. I can’t do this by myself, and if we’re going to pull this off, I’m going to need some serious backup because the Avengers need some serious help.”

  Fury was going through some mission reports when he heard a knock on his door.

“Come in.”

Oddly enough, Ife was the one to enter the room and not Maria Hill.

“Good Evening, Fury. I have someone who would like speak with you.”

“Well, give me a name and contact info and I’ll see what I can do.”

“Actually,” Ife reached in her pocket for a disc, “I can do you one better.”

Ife tossed the disc into the air and a moon-door portal formed from it. Out came Eliza, Azeneth, and Angela in her gargoyle form.

Eliza gave Ife a quick nod and turned to Fury, “Good Evening, Nicolas Fury. My name is Eliza Maza and we’re from the Bureau of Non-Human Affairs or BNA. I would advice that you lower your weapon. It won’t do you a lick of good,” Fury lowered his gun,” Good. Put Maria Rambeau on speaker, we need to talk.”

  -Somewhere in France-

 Maeve was enjoying her brunch while watching the footage of Eliza officially making contact with new SHIELD and SWORD.

“Well, it looks like it’s time to ‘get the band back together’ as the kids would say.” She chirped to the woman across the table.

“That expression pretty much died in the 90s. No ‘kid’ uses that phrase anymore.” Koronis deadpanned.

Maeve scoffed, “Anyone born after 1800 is a ‘child’ to me. This is what I get for trying not to sound like ‘an old hag’ as you put it.”

“Well, is everything on track?”

Koronis, or Carol, closed her eyes for few seconds, “I see nothing standing in our organization’s way. However, we should have the meeting sooner rather than later.”

“Duly noted. Anything else?”

“The new variable, Ifekerenma, will be more useful to our plans than I originally anticipated.”

“Oh, I do love surprises! I mean, I know how it will end, but I still like to be at least a little surprised. I knew it was a good idea to let Klaue be discovered by Ultron in Istanbul!”

Another woman walked up to the pair,”You wanted to see me, Mistress?”

“Yes. Svetlana, call the others. It’s time to put our plan into high gear. Hell’s Moon is upon us.”

  Steve was having a shitty birthday.

The press was pestering him about the presidential election. Several outlets have called him a sellout and a coward for not endorsing anyone.

He was figuring out the best way to take a shower and hit the hay in less than 30 minutes when he found a beautifully written note taped to his door.

It said to come to Ife room wearing his best dancing clothes.

Ten minutes later, Steve knocked on her door and it instantly opened to reveal a modest dancing hall not unlike the ones he went to with Bucky before the war.

He was so lost in thoughts admiring the place that he failed to notice Ife hovering a few feet from him.

“Happy Birthday, Steve! How do you like it?”

Steve turned to see Ife in a knee-length golden yellow African Wax Print Ankara dress with cold shoulders, ruffled sleeves, and a v-neckline. He didn’t miss the modest view of her cleavage or how her legs looked oh, so smooth in the dress.

Ife, for her part, was super nervous about this. Nat said that people went to dance halls all the time in the late 1930s and 1940s and it took her five days to get the architecture, the music, and the lighting just right.

She hoped that Steve wouldn’t be angry with her.

Steve looked incredibly handsome in his simple dress shirt and slacks. His powerful shoulders, thick biceps, trim waist, and beefy thighs were accentuated by the lighting which made him look like he was glowing.

Ife would’ve drooled if she knew that he didn’t like it when most women would throw themselves at him.

“It’s amazing. Thank you.”

“I’m sorry about the dress. I couldn-”

Steve raised a hand to stop her from going off on a tangent,”You look beautiful.”

Ife felt a flurry of warmth in her core at the compliment.

“So, what would like to do?”

Before Steve could answer, Duke Ellington’s Don’t Mean a Thing starting playing.

Steve stretched out his hand, “Would you like to dance?”

Ife took his had and they glided onto the dance floor.

“Where did you learn to dance?”

“Bucky’s mom made us learn when Bucky started getting attention from the girls at school. She thought it best that we knew how to treat them to a good time.”

“I see,” Ife giggled, “Then she was wise to make take the lessons. Though I’m more familiar with the jitterbug.”

Steve chuckled as they resumed swinging. He hummed a bit as they danced to Ella Fitzgerald, Caro Emerald, Jo Stafford, Billie Holiday, and Gene Krupa.

Ife was impressed with Steve’s dancing skills. What were those women thinking passing him up like that?!

After a couple more rounds of dancing, the music shifted to something more modern but not (it was Howl’s Moving Castle’s Main Theme) , the colors on the walls and ceiling brightened, and several chandeliers formed on the ceiling.

Steve gave Ife a slightly confused look and asked her if she would like to try a waltz this time.

The song lasted a little more than five minutes. Steve was somehow able to lead their movements in sync with the song.

Ife felt her body was aflame with gentle yet commanding touches Steve was giving her. He even lifted her a few times making her feel as though she was flying with how gently he held her.

They were absorbed in their own world they either failed to notice or ignored Nat and Wanda entering Ife room to see if they could have another spa day. Nat even got a few pictures of the two dancing.

Steve gave Ife one last life during the climax and pulled her in when the music came to a close. They were about to come in for a kiss when Ife pressed her lips together and back away.

“We should probably retire for evening. Goodnight, Steve.”

Steve’s shoulders slumped in defeat, but left Ife’s room with a simple goodnight with Nat and Wanda in tow.

Ife frowned. She knew Steve wasn’t in the best place for a relationship and her conscience wouldn’t let her take advantage of that.

[scribeofmorpheus]

Himmeløyne [18/?]

Pairing: Loki Odinson x Reader

Catch Up Here | Masterlist

Warnings: Angst???

A/N: Nothin’ to report Cap’n

Taglist is open! Reblog, comment or leave a like please ☺

~Heimdall

Heimdall looked over at the corner where Y/N had nestled into. She looked smaller, so much smaller than he’d ever seen her. A part of him was angry, though, to his detriment, he didn’t know what he was mad at the most. There were too many options: Odin, the carnage in the throne room, the leeching, Dagma’s prophecy that lingered on his mind day in and day out. He wished Sigrid were there with him, at least he’d be able to ask her for help. He was only just getting used to the idea of fatherhood. On any occasion, that would be a mountainous task to undertake, but this last month, it felt like a planet was crushing his shoulders. That’s why he rarely wore his armour, and why he rarely stood at his post by the bi-frost.

Sif walked over from Hogun’s side, a look of concern pulling her eyebrows knit. She followed Heimdall’s gaze to Y/N. She too held a look of anger.

“Do you think she’s up to this?” Sif whispered. “We only have one shot at this. If we fail…”

“We won’t,” Heimdall took a moment to steel his voice. “We can’t fail. I won’t lose my daughter to this madness.”

“I hope you’re right,” Sif pressed the bridge of her nose in frustration. “Because if we do, that’s the dungeon for us.”

“Focus on your end, the portal will stay open,” he said with feigned assurance.

Sif tilted her head in disbelief and Heimdall placed a hand on her shoulder.

“The portal will stay open,” he said again with more control over his voice.

“I’ll hold you to that,” she said before re-joining Hogun to discuss their end of the plan.

Cautiously, Heimdall approached Y/N. He held out his hand that had a loop of red thread twisted around his palm. He pulled one end of the thread and handed it to her. She held onto the thread for a moment, focusing on its ridges and texture, then she looked up at him in confusion.

“It’s ordinary thread.”

He held back a laugh, “Yes.”

“What am I supposed to do with this?”

“It’ll act as our anchor through the portal,” he began wrapping one end of the thread around her palm, he noticed how cold to the touch she was, it made him feel uncomfortable, like he was touching a block of ice. “If you feel overwhelmed, tug on your end, I’ll do the heavy lifting in sustaining the portal.”

She looked him over with knowing eyes, “You don’t think I’m ready.” It wasn’t a question.

“Do you?” he challenged.

She smirked, showing some of that wily nature Sigrid had in youth. “I’ll do my part.”

 Heimdall drew an old sigil on his forehead to focus the energies, blood dripping from the slash on his thumb. The room permeated with a ghastly wind. Smell of sea salt and copper and the distinct ashen taste of volatile magic made his nose itch. Sif tugged at her collar as though it were hard to breathe. Hogun’s nose went red at the bridge. Y/N’s eyes turned glassy, water collecting near the ducts.

“Visualise opening a portal here,” he offered Y/N his hand, their thumbs leaving bloody prints on each other’s wrists. “I’ll show you where it leads.”

He searched his memories for the rare occasions he’d visited the vault, of how the walls towered strong and bright. Of the Destroyer standing dormant, held in the centre of two columns. Next to come were the stands and all the artefacts he remembered. Through their pulse connection, he transferred his vision into Y/N’s mind, letting her see what he saw.

There was a wave of energy, for the briefest moment, Heimdall thought of that soulless look she had in the throne room, and he felt afraid. Y/N narrowed her eyes at him, he knew she’d felt his fear. The candlestick on the table fell over, flames dying out as wax dripped over a carved rune on the stone table. Rime formed over the window overlooking the sea, creeping like a thief until the glass coated in a net of snowflakes.

Between Heimdall and Y/N, a portal, first black and then purple like the nebula’s he watched over, opened. Heimdall stepped through, and in a shaky instant, he was in the vault.

Send them through, he sent his message through the thread. In response, Hogun and Sif jumped into view.

Sustaining the portal proved more difficult than Heimdall anticipated. The thread grew colder in his hand, Y/N’s powers were unstable, unpredictable. He felt a tug at his organs, a driving force of a thousand horses pushing him towards the portal’s opening. A taste of blood filled his mouth, but he breathed through the pain.

“Got it!” Sif whisper-shouted as she and Hogun retrieved something that bore a resemblance to Vanir craftsmanship.

“Hurry,” Heimdall said through gritted teeth, feeling the icy sting of the thread cut into his hand. Ripples of magic passed out of the portal, shaking the room slightly. With that delicate change in atmosphere, the Destroyer awoke, peeled face honing in on their location. “Jump through, quickly!”

Heat from the Destroyer’s blast melded at odds with the portal’s waning magic. Sif and Hogun went in together, then Heimdall. Back in the archive room above the library, Heimdall smelt the smoke before seeing the singed bits of his cloak.

Before anyone could react, a blinding sun-golden light erupted from the closing portal, clashing with the magic that slithered like an angry ribbon around Y/N’s frame. In dangerous volatility, both lights collapsed a section of the wall. Y/N screamed, panting for more air as she kept one hand over her face. A delayed shockwave knocked all four off their feet, flinging them out of the room, and into the sea below.  

 ~Odin

Odin felt like a piece of parchment held under a paperweight. Ever since he came to, his world had been one unending panorama of bad news and the poor taste of regret.

Loki slept, his mind too broken to wake up. Frigga was missing, and with her was his anchor and conscience. Heimdall refused to see him, even under orders, and the bi-frost had remained unguarded since Y/N began her leeching treatment. Thor would only visit when he smelled sourly of mead and anguish. On those nights, Odin pretended to be asleep.

“My liege,” Fandral walked into Odin’s chambers, his face looking pale.

“I told the guards I didn’t want to be disturbed,” he said harshly, looking away from Fandral.

“I beg your pardon, but, it would seem, sometime during the night, the Destroyer awoke,” Fandral cleared his voice. “And, it would also seem, there has been a theft.”

Odin sat up, feeling a nick of pain where Loki’s dagger had made its home a month ago, “Do we know who was behind it?”

“No, but…” Fandral blinked several times.

“Spit it out,” Odin demanded.

“We haven’t been able to locate Sif, Hogun, and Heimdall or… Y/N for that matter.”

"Do we know what was taken?"

"Your father's belt, My Liege." 

 ~Y/N

You woke up to the sensation of drowning as you coughed up saltwater. The ground was hard, like rock.

“Wha—” you rasped, vocal cords hoarse.

“Relax, you’re safe,” Sif’s voice was light, careful. Warmth spread to your forehead when she brushed your damp hair from your face. “We got what we needed. Just rest now. We’ll be in Knowhere soon enough.”

“I can’t see,” you panicked as you blinked.

“A side-effect,” Heimdall answered. “The Destroyer’s beam passed through the portal, the light damaged your corneas. They’ll heal quicker if you rest.”

You felt a warm cloth cover your eyes, and Sif’s hair wafted the scent of fire as she tied a knot behind your head.

You felt someone try to lift you up, but then they abruptly set you down with a painful wince.

“I’ll carry her,” Hogun offered.

Hogun reached down and successfully carried you off the ground. Your neck was stiff as it dangled from his arm.

“Here, drink this,” Sif placed something small by your lips.

You opened and drank the foul liquid, choking as your stomach tried to regurgitate the potion back up. Soon, a swirl in the fog of your mind dragged you back under.

 There was a meadow blooming from your balcony window—wintersweet and a bright pink flower you’d never seen before painted the landscape in lively colours. There was an odd contrast covering the land, glowing and too clear, it looked imagined.

A pair of arms ensnared you in a close back hug. You didn’t need to turn around to see who it was, you felt his magic pool in your stomach the instant your skins touched.

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” Loki whispered into your ear.

“I’m right where you left me,” you said.

“Evidently not since you made me scour the palace halls for what felt like ages,” he sighed with a dramatic flair, placing a kiss on your pulse-line beneath your jaw.

“Where did you go?”

Loki spun you around, cupping your face with a curious smirk adorned on his, “What do you mean, pet?” 

You shuddered. His smirk grew deeper. 

He kissed all the way from your cheekbone to the softness of your ear, whispering in an even deeper voice: “I’ve right here, dreaming of you.”

With your front facing the mirror above your dresser, you noticed your reflection was different, older, healthier. You were in a dream. But Loki’s presence, and the scent of his hair, and the touch of his magic, it all felt real. Like the dreams of the cave.

Slowly, the world began to dissipate, and you pulled Loki’s face flush to yours. “I’ll get you back. I promise to get you back because you have to know. You have to know that I love with you.”

In a frenzy of desire, and afraid this may be the last time you’d ever feel the softness of his lips again, you pulled him into a hungry kiss that was both impatient and desperate. When you broke away, you awoke in the real world, cloth still tied over your eyes.

 You hadn’t noticed that it never rained on Asgard until you stood under the cascade pouring out of the celestial eye cavity of Knowhere port. Even though it wasn’t raining on Knowhere either, the tricklings from what Hogun called a ‘recycling plant’ were as close to rain as you’d seen since leaving Midgard.

The rain held no petrichor, no smell of wetness like you were used to. This one had a faint chemical burn that clung at the back of your throat. The coolness of the water was also different, more lukewarm.

Knowhere was vibrant and distinct, even experienced solely through sound. Where Asgard was ethereal in its timeless beauty, Knowhere was a hard wrench in the belly of a metal beast. If Sif’s descriptions were to be believed, you were now walking inside a god’s head made of artifice. Sounds of metalwork and conversation held the eerie touch of normalcy, of universality, but the dialect and the refined metalworking sounds that filled the port were anything but ordinary.

The ground pulled at your muscles much weaker than Asgard did, making you think you were a mere gust away from floating into the blackness, where, you imagined, the stars burned brighter.

Maybe you wanted to burn with the stars. Be at peace in that blanketed darkness, like nights when you’d sleep soundly, ignorant to gods and magic. Maybe the only things keeping you rooted were your bones, in the same way your mother’s crone bones rooted her visions in the future. You shuddered when a droplet of water fell near the edge of your eye, surprised that your skin was colder than the water.

“Keep your head down,” Heimdall lifted your hood to keep the poor-mans rain off you. “Try not to look—” he swallowed loudly, “to seem as lost as you do now.”

“This morning, I thought Asgard and the nine realms were all there was to the universe,” you intoned. “Now I know there are more veils to be pulled back, so if I seem lost, it’s with good reason.”

“She has a point,” Hogun said.

Heimdall lingered close by and then sighed, he sounded a little further than before. “The person we’re going to see, he’s… odd. But most dangerous of all, he is enamoured by other oddities. Try to act like you belong, and…whatever you hear or feel in there, don’t react to anything. Magic or otherwise.”

“She’ll be fine. That’s why I’m here, remember, to keep an eye out.” Hogun said.

Sif let out a groan and Heimdall let out a strong exhale. You found it in you to smirk at Hogun’s poor phrasing.

Heimdall walked away, and from the clanking of light boots, Sif followed.

“You seem different,” Hogun said to fill the void.

You pulled your cloak tighter around you, feeling even smaller than before.

“You seem older, is what I mean,” he clarified.

You didn’t know how to answer him, so you simply nodded.

“I had a wife, once,” he said out of the blue.

You were astonished by his sudden chatty disposition, “I didn’t know that.”

He chuckled, a delicate tone of joy and sadness worked in tandem. “No, I don’t imagine you would. Few know about her. Fandral, and his big mouth, I’ve known the longest, he’s the only one that met her. Maybe Heimdall with his all-seeing powers.”

“But not the others?”

“No.”

“Why are you telling me then?”

“Because I know what it’s like to lose someone you care for. It’s an irreplaceable void you can never fill. And when Lindel’s health failed her, I had to choose between moving mountains to save her, or accepting fate and staying by her side.” Hogun paused, a shuffling sound of his feet gave away his discomfort.

“I see the way the prince looks at you,” he said after a crowd’s rumble died down. “And you and I, and even he, I suspect, know you can’t be together. Pragmatically, I mean. Your lifespans are... at odds.”

“Because I’m mortal and he isn’t?” you bit back, your temper rising. “You aren’t the first to tell me that.”

“I’m not saying you must put your feelings aside. On the contrary. All I’m saying is, there will come a time when you, or he, will be forced to choose between moving mountains, or accepting that some things eventually run their course.”

“Which did you choose?”

“The wrong one.” Hogun went eerily quiet, his feet stopped shuffling too. Then, suddenly, with a more transparent tone, he said: “Let’s go, Heimdall’s waving us down.”

Another droplet fell onto your face, and you shivered, again.

[killianmesmalls]

I truly believe Jack deserves to be forgiven by the Winchesters. Sam, I think, may have already fully forgiven him, though they have some conversations to have, so it is mostly Dean we can see being on the fence of whether he will or not. My (personal) thoughts and feelings below the cut if anyone may be interested. 

First, we have to address the obvious factor of Jack’s lack of a soul and how recent a development that was for him when he accidentally killed Mary. I can see people being of two minds about it: either soulless Jack is no longer truly the same Jack and therefore should be treated separately, or he is still essentially himself and all actions involving him with or without a soul should be taken into consideration while weighing what he deserves. If it’s the first and soulless Jack is an entirely different person from regular Jack, then once his soul was restored he should not be held accountable for his previous actions. However, that seems to not be the consensus, either for myself or most others, so let’s dive into why taking everything into consideration still warrants forgiveness. 

While it is easy to forget, especially since he adapts and learns easily, we need to remember that Jack is still incredibly young. Though he’s able to understand some adult concepts and handle complex situations, often he needs guidance or time to truly process information he’s given or the world around him. He knew a lot very quickly thanks to what he was able to obtain from his mother while developing in the womb, but we see from a number of incidents that this doesn’t expand as far as we sometimes assume—he doesn’t understand most pop culture references, social cues, certain adult concepts such as sex, or even some basic skills like (arguably, at first) tying his shoes and blowing bubblegum. What he’s had to deal with in such a short period of time is absolutely overwhelming, and almost everything he’s done since the moment he was born was to protect and help his family: the Winchesters and Cas. From his search for Mary to losing his grace to being willing to kill himself if needed to burning off his grace in order to keep saving them, his driving force has always been to do what he can for those he loves. 

Unfortunately, he’s learned the Winchester way of self-sacrifice. He put himself in harm’s way in order to locate Mary, trying to handle Lucifer and protect Sam, and repeatedly saw losing his part of his soul as a necessary risk if it meant saving his family. That being said, while he saw it as a risk, I truly believe Jack was also incredibly scared of losing his soul. Not only because of what Cas warned him about, but he’s carried with him since he was born this fear of being evil and knowledge now that having a soul might be keeping him from crossing a line he never wanted to cross. 

Sadly, he crossed it. 

I should say that I feel zero sadness for the loss of Nick, though I do agree with Mary that torture was absolutely out of line and also something Jack with a soul would never have done. However, a newly soulless child (in many ways) looking into the face of the man who looked like Lucifer and was now trying to bring him back—the father who tried to kill him and did steal his grace for himself while threatening to end the world and forced him to choose between killing Sam or himself—is hardly in control of his emotions. It wasn’t that long ago that Jack accidentally yeeted a tattoo artist thanks to feeling one of his first experiences of pain, or kept losing control of his powers when he got upset or scared. To assume Jack, soul or no soul, was these days in control of himself fully is unfair to him. 

So, while being confronted with the idea that a fear he’d been harboring for a while now had come true and someone he cared about deeply was now telling him something was wrong, that his adoptive father figures would be worried about his behavior, and he’s not okay, he understandably experienced what I would say was a panic attack. That, plus what had to be the influence of angel radio, completely threw off any sense of calm he had been struggling to keep. 

Now, I do not believe Mary deserved what happened at all. Before anyone says otherwise, I want to establish that right now. She completely did not deserve to be killed, and this is discussing Jack and his emotions and actions, or my interpretation of them, and not hers. With that in mind, as someone who has suffered panic attacks before, anyone repeatedly insisting on a serious and stressful conversation rather than providing space only provides to heighten the stress. So, soulless, stressed, and still without full control of his actions if he becomes overly emotional, he accidentally had a temper tantrum. Sadly for him, his tantrums don’t end in punching a hole in a wall or flopping on the floor of a Target screaming because he didn’t get what he wanted. It results in the complete obliteration of a human being. A human being we have to remember he loved and saw as a sort of maternal figure. There is nothing about his actions before, during, or after that indicate to me that what happened was at all intentional.

Immediately after the burst of emotion caused Mary’s demise, Jack exhausted all of his options to bring her back. While he didn’t truly feel emotions the same way, if at all, he had enough of an idea still of what guilt, remorse, and love were to try his best to bring her back. In what other times can we recall that someone killed someone and literally scanned heaven and earth for a chance to fix what they had broken? 

On top of that, we cannot discount his manipulation by Duma and Chuck for their own ends. In spite of this, he still accepted his fate gracefully, showing absolutely no anger or resentment toward Dean for the decision he was making nor the actions of putting him in the box and all that went into that incident. 

I’m sure I can speak more to all of the above or more, but for now these are my thoughts and feelings and I am looking forward to the possibility of a good family moment where forgiveness and closure finally happen. 

[allyvampirelass29]

Beautiful Wickedness

A NOS4A2 Fanfiction By: Allyssa J. Watkins

Ally lay next to Charles, as the silver morning crept into the overhead canopy, setting the room alight with a soft glow. There was so much they weren't saying, as they laid there, close enough to touch, and a part of her wanted to forget it all........ her team-up with Victoria, her ghastly meeting with the vampire children, their deathly duel on the St. Nick Parkway, and just hold her husband, cling to his beautiful body, until it all melted away like snow........

Charles frowned as that mischievous hand touched his face, trying not to admire how comely her black lace nightdress stood out stark against her white skin. Skin that was right now beckoning to him....... He looked at her stubbornly, fighting his attraction, wary as to just what new hellish plot her sweet touch might conjure for him. You're a scheming minx, Wife, and yet I do so long, even still, to be seduced by you.

"Good Morning, Mrs. Manx," He whispered softly, allowing her to stroke his cheek, drunk with the ache in her touch, wondering if the same hunger lingered on her soft lips. "Are you going to kill me today, Wife? Or shall we linger abed for a bit longer?"

"Charles......." Ally whispered back, anguished, perishing in the thought, and he grabbed her tightly, as she hugged his body to hers, hiding her face in his bared chest.

"If I may be granted the privilege in choosing the weapon of my demise........ This sweet suffocation is a rather fine way to go......." He snickered, feeling her arms wrap tighter around him, her cheek pressed flush to his muscular chest, the slight quiver in her lips, making him wish they were overtaking his right now. So much fuss and fret, so many furious words hurled, this damnable business with Vic, poisoning their happy honeymoon days. But laying here, grasping her, feeling her, both of them desperate to be closer to each other. This was what he'd craved....... What he was so afraid to lose.

"Or perhaps I would prefer to die by a kiss," He simpered, his breath hot, his voice almost a growl and he wrenched her up his body, drowning her in an angry and tender kiss, tasting that ache, that pain of love, those gentle tears.........

"Ally........"

Ally burst into tears as she kissed him back passionately, letting her body say the words she could not, and Charles seized her thigh, punishing her with his affection, feeling her let go.......

"Charles- I could never- I won't let her k-kill-" Ally sobbed harder as she spoke between kisses, her voice broken and desolate, and Manx pulled at her curls to get more control over her lips, and to shield his heart from the pangs of those hopeless sobs.

"Nobody cries in Christmasland, Ally Manx," He breathed, his lips still brushing against hers, and he rested his fingernails on her wet cheek, watching the tears stream steady from those summertime eyes. "You're breaking the rules, My Sweet, and my poor heart. Unhappiness is against the law, or did you forget? Kill me with your kiss, Allyssa, yes, but do be so kind as to make it quick."

"I'll kiss you, Loveliest Husband, but I won't kill you........ Ally's eyes welled with raw emotion, piercing agony, profound joy, her lip still quivering. "I love you more than-"

"Don't-" Charles reprimanded sharply, pressing a trembling razor sharp nail against her wet lips, to silence her, his black eyes welling with anguish. "Don't you dare say it, Allyssa, if you don't mean it, don't induct that slow acting poison we call hope, through my veins. If you hate me, SCREAM IT, strike me, cut me with your precious pen, but don't you tell me you love me, if it's no longer true!!!!"

"Charles!!!!" Ally cried out in another desolate sob, and Charlie hastily lowered his hand to let her speak, still clutching hold of her like she was a fast fading dream. "I LOVE YOU!!!! Of course, I love you, and I know it would be easier for us both, if I didn't, but I don't care!!!! I will LOVE you, even if it kills me........"

Charles felt his chest shudder, the infernal tears stinging his eyes, pouring out of him, laced with the pain, and the poisonous hope, and he cursed them, feeling like he was dying, because he knew it was true. Through the many horrors and heartache, forcing her to hurt whomever he chose, authoring mayhem with her hand, in the midst of a still raging war for the Found Children of Christmasland, somehow the devil and a lost angel, the pure and the soulless had fallen in love.

His vulnerability turned brittle and cold, like ice that could shatter against her warmth.

"I told you....... to fear the far more tender hands. You didn't listen."

Charlie's glistening claws snapped around her curly head, closing tight, yanking her upright, and he waited for the struggle that never came, she didn't even cry out, as he delicately drew his sharp pinky over her full, tremulous lip. He paused with a snarl, and then rested his head atop hers, sinking his cheek into the silky, pillowed curls there, his voice a wounded rasp, as he held her still.

"Do you have ANY idea......... how HARD I tried not to love you........"

"Do you......... love me?" She asked breathlessly, trembling in his forceful hold, but she didn't fight him, and he sighed in defeat, his eyes murderous, his claws still firmly cradling his porcelain doll's head.

"More than Christmas......." His windstorm rage withered into a whisper, trading away his secret, his eyes flashing with something fearfully fond, pressing a kiss into her halo of curls. Damn this perfect creature. "I will confess, I had no designs for this to be a happy marriage, Mrs. Manx. Before I said, I do, tricked you into signing away your life, your hand, on that majestic Christmas Eve, and watched your eyes dance, glistening in the cascading glow of white lights, your beauty purely blinding, as I slid the lie onto your finger......... and let the trap close around you, before that profound moment, I had thought there existed no such thing as a happy marriage. Only fools enjoy such a suffocating union, under the thumb of a woman, as their dreams die slowly with them. What is a wedding, truly, but a man's funeral!?" He snarled coldly, his lip furled, and then slowly, his claws retracted.

"And then you happened, Allyssa Jolene, stole your way into my hardened heart, husband and wife fighting on opposite sides, and still sharing the same bed, as much devoured by the other's passions as ever........ How preposterous! Sickness, health, and all that humbug, but even quarreling with you in conflict is explicit bliss.

He let her go roughly, but did not release her from the intensity of his gaze, eying her with an especially derisive arched brow. "What now, Ally Manx? How does this fated love story end? We have proved beyond doubts and shadows that we cannot kill each other, and yet a problem called Vic McQueen persists, putting us ultimately at odds. I want to kill her, and she wants to kill me, while you seem rather reluctant to let either wish be granted, languishing between........" His smirk crept across his lips, especially smug. "And yet, you're not truly on either side, are you, My Dearest Love? If she knew that you were here, that you had betrayed her, by coming to me, succumbed to one last late night tryst in our marriage bed no less, she'd hate you forever. She'd never trust you again. Oh is there anything more fickle than a woman?

"I know, I shouldn't have come, but I-I couldn't resist seeing you, Charles, touching you, kissing you!!! I need you....... It doesn't have to be this way!!! You can end this, right now........."

Charlie's black eyes snapped, as she hugged his waist, and nestled her curly head into his shoulder, her eyes squeezed shut. So demure, my clever temptress....... But the honeymoon....... is long over.

Ally struggled against him as he seized both of her hands, entwining their fingers, attempting to hold her in place, as he forced her to lay back down, pressing her under him as he moved on top of her, snickering to himself, knowing she wasn't fighting very hard.

"The time for dealing and truces has long passed, My Love, this ends in blood. I AM going to end this", he purred, releasing his talons from one of her hands, to stroke her spilt curls on his pillow, as she looked back with big, sad, green eyes. "And when I do........ Your amusing little girl gang will be finished, and you will never go against me again once you've beheld what I've done to her."

He grinned even more charming, kissing her deeply, but the threat lingered in the heat of his passion, so coldly, that she shivered beneath him.

"I love you, Charles, but I won't let you kill her. I-I have to stop you, save you from yourself, so we can be together."

He kissed her angrily, his tooth catching on her lip, and then grabbed hold of her face to stop her, before she could kiss him back, his voice especially sinister.

"I will kill her....... even if it means sacrificing your love."

"Charles, NO! You cannot mean that!" She cried out in protest, her sweet eyes horrified, and he whisked his razor tipped nails across her dove white cheek.

"I do," He quipped cleverly, toying with the ring on her hand, feeling her close it into a fist, fearing he'd meant to rip it from her delicate little finger. Oh no, Wife....... You WILL wear my ring, and you will come back to me. Once I kill that petulant little bitch, you will have no choice, but to BEHAVE.

"Charles, I beg you-"

"AND if you do manage by some unforeseen twist of fate to leave here........" He finished coolly, cutting off her impassioned pleas. "You will never be free of me......." He leaned in closer, breathing in deeply, brushing his nose against hers, breathing heavily on her lips as he spoke. "I will find you," He whispered sing song, stroking her forehead. "You are my wife til death do us part, and lucky you, for I.......... am immortal."

He chuckled and expected her to continue pleading, struggling, reasoning, but instead she did the one thing he never saw coming........ Ally slowly lowered her curly head, and kissed just so where his wisps of silky chest hair began, her voice so full of desire, his hold loosened completely.

"What makes you think........ I want to be free of you.......?"

Charles' lips parted, euphoric, practically purring as he rolled onto his back, pulling her on top of him, clasping the back of her head, nails in curls, kissing her, devouring her lips with an insatiable hunger.

She grinned against his lips, kissing him even more ravenously, hair dangling in her eyes, letting her ache, her love for his beautiful wickedness flood from her very being.

"You always did have such a fiery way with words, My Divine," He breathed feverishly, the two of them sharing air, drowning in each other. "And yet...... Your lips hold more of desire's own fire, than your words could even form."

"I would die without your kiss, Charles. Do not perpetrate so cruel a punishment as starving me of it."

Charles smiled at her very boyishly, scrunching the back of her tresses, as their lips met again in a rush of burning heat, and sultry smoulder.

"No, I think I'll feed it to you instead, tempt you with it, until this crusade against me, holds nothing so enticing. Forget her, Ally. Choose me. Let me make love to you, My Snow Queen, with a passion and tenderness so intense, that we shall transcend our naked bodies, and touch the stars. Stay with me, and I will be again your saintly suitor. We will be as we were........ Once upon a December."

Charlie started to hum the tune to which they had fallen in love inside a snowglobe, moving together in perfect mirror images as one, the motion and lines, living poetry.

Ally gazed back at him lovingly, her face flushed in an enthralled daze as Charlie cast his enchantment, and the pure and utter joy shining in her eyes, colouring her crimson cheek was exquisite, creating in him such an ecstasy, as nothing he ever knew any one thing could inspire.

But just as quickly as the lightning had come and struck, so did the tears, and regretful sorrow. "Oh My Darling Charles! What you have thus described is my own blinding Elysium, my perfect inscape of tender caresses and naked skin, but I-I cannot....... As badly I as want to surrender to this beckoning heaven, become one with my beloved husband in all of his beautiful wickedness, and immortal beauty, give myself to him, consummate our love, I must refuse until this business with Vic is finished. Only when I have you all to myself, and you are not wooed by this war with her, can I ever be yours, body and soul."

"Then FINISH IT," Charles rasped, purposefully breaking the spell, tearing himself off her, and yanking her from the bed, his eyes an angry, burning black oblivion."

"Charlie-"

Charlie charged swiftly to the window throwing it open, and rushed back to take her into his arms, as she froze, confused.

"Please Charlie, don't be angered."

"I am not," He said said much softer, kissing the back of her hand, losing his eyes in her black lace bodice. "I am........ Impatient. So finish it, Allyssa, my brave, defiant wife. FINISH it, DAMN IT!!!! Fly back to Vic McQueen, and give it your best shot, raise hell against me, and don't worry," he smirked as she nervously bit her lip. "Our overnight will be our little secret. I won't tell her that you were weak and came to me. Go, and do your worst, Mrs. Manx, and when you fail spectacularly to stop me, to wrest away my children from their happy home, when I kill Vic McQueen, slowly, leisurely, licking up every delicious moment while I make her suffer right in front of you........ Come back to me, give me my hard won prize, and end this ungrateful ugliness." He seethed, pulling her up against his chest, carried, legs dangling, in his strong, muscular arms, and she gripped onto him tight as he hopped feverishly up to the window's ledge.

"Charles, NO, wait, please-!!! DON'T!!!"

"What's the matter, My Dove? Don't you want to....... fly?"

Charles hurled her out the open window, watching as she tumbled into the snow, more a blackbird in that scandalous gown than a snow white dove. She scrambled to get up, and took off running, and he leant against the window frame, shirtless and smirking, waiting for it. Sure enough, once she'd scurried far enough away, she chanced a glance over her shoulder, to look at him one last time......... He met her lonely gaze, and blew a kiss to her almost spitefully. Fly away, little blackbird, but know......... You will never escape this cage.

[firstagent]

Review: Digimon Adventure Last Evolution Kizuna

In this movie, after three series Digimon Adventure reaches a grand finale, a touching conclusion to Tai’s epic journey where he’s finally dragged kicking and screaming into adulthood.

We have no idea if Last Evolution Kizuna really is going to be the last entry in the original Adventure canon. It ends with an obvious potential follow-up story and there’s already a next generation of children lined up and ready to be exploited. But it’s clear the intention here is to be the big finale. There’s an air of finality throughout, sold as the end of a partnership and of an era. It’s something of an illusion, but it’s a convincing and compelling one. Kizuna also shows nothing but love to the entire span of the Digimon Adventure anime. Fans of everything from the original movie through tri. will find all sorts of callbacks and nods of appreciation. Bolero! Parrotmon! Willis! Meiko! The 02 kids doin’ stuff! It’s all here, and whether or not this actually is the end, it helps us say goodbye to it all.

All the way in the distant year of 2010, smartphone technology is arriving, the world is stoically tolerating the presence of Digimon, and Tai still has no idea what he wants to do with his life. Matt’s kicking the tires on a couple ideas while stalling on any commitments. They’re both still actively helping fight Digital World trouble that drops in, teaming with their siblings and Izzy on missions they complete efficiently… enough. It’s a perfect re-introduction, as while they have college classes, new acquaintances, and crappy part-time jobs, not a lot is fundamentally different. They’re more in their element fighting Parrotmon than being in their early 20s trying to gain a foothold on their futures.

They’re more than comfortable with the crisis Menoa introduces them to. Even as it doesn’t go their way, they’re not fazed at all entering cyberspace to take on Eosmon, just the latest in a long string of battles for them. Then, with the triple threat of Eosmon on the loose stealing the consciousness of digidestined, Menoa dropping the bomb that the bond between a kid and their Digimon has a finite lifespan and Tai and Matt are on the clock, and Kyotaro looking shady as hell, it’s investigation time! Everybody running around gathering intel paints a delightful picture of how digidestined operate when there isn’t a giant Digimon in their backyard. They use their own skills, whether it’s Izzy’s online research, Yamato tailing Kyotaro, Davis and company being nosy on campus, Armadillomon’s swipe trick, or Tai being graced with Gennai dropping into his apartment. This feels like the job as it exists now, and it’s a pleasure watching them at work.

From the moment she shows up asking the only people who can stop her plan to help her stop her plan, Menoa is a striking figure. Like Maki, she’s another brilliant/disturbed mind who lost her Digimon partner at a young age and needs to use the digidestined as pawns to complete her objective. It’s basically the same thing, the only difference being Menoa believes her crusade to be an act of charity while Maki’s was a selfish obsession. This does take a little sting out of Menoa’s role in the story, but it points to a clear consistency Kizuna keeps with tri. (and arguably before that): Homeostasis is and always has been a soulless bastard with no concern for the mental health of the digidestined. Gennai’s appearance kinda proves that.

The idea that a digidestined’s power comes from their potential for growth that diminishes as that growth is realized is intriguing as it is sudden and shocking. It raises plenty of questions, not only with how smoothly it fits the rest of the canon, but even in what that’s supposed to mean. Menoa lost Morphomon at a relatively young age because of her commitment to use her talents and join society as productive adult. Tai and Matt get their notice as a direct result of evolving Omnimon and are warned that straining their bonds will erode them further. Izzy, Mimi, and Joe haven’t pushed the envelope like them, yet meet the same fate not long afterward. Sora loses Biyomon before all of them because she either fought back against the trip to Neverland or she picked a weird time to follow the Menoa route. It’s very inconsistent, but the concept is still successful at reinforcing the core theme of the movie: at some point everybody has to transition into the next stage in their lives.

The key part there is that it’s mandatory, as that’s where Tai and Matt end up. As much as Menoa entices them, as tempting as the thought of a spending eternity with their Digimon, and as looming as life without Agumon and Gabumon lurks… there’s no actual decision involved here. Neverland is horrifying and they’re first introduced to it from the inside. There is no way they’re accepting that offer. They have their doubts and their Digimon have to talk some sense into them a few times, but it was never a real choice. The real challenge comes in finding the will and the courage to break through the obstacles Menoa and Eosmon throw at them, including their own teammates, and accept that moving forward is the only direction they can take. That’s a better reflection of reality anyway: you can choose how to grow up and ideally have some sway in when, but eventually everybody must move on from their childhoods. It’s cruel to separate them from their partners, but they can’t be running around fighting Parrotmon until they’re grandparents.

There’s a risk of that message being too cynical, of being misconstrued as a statement to throw out all your stuffed animals the second you leave college. There’s also that time back in 02 when they showed everybody happy with their Digimon 17 years after this story takes place. So despite the likes of Matt, Joe, TK, and Davis making obvious strides towards their epilogue destinies (others do so in more roundabout ways), there appears to be a clear incompatibility. You’d think it would at least demand another story to patch that, but that’s the magic of the movie’s final line: Tai and Matt’s promise to see Agumon and Gabumon again. It’s the same promise Takato gives to Guilmon and Haru gives to Yujin. While they’re just words, they spare us from otherwise completely devastating endings. Even if there isn’t another story explaining how they do it, it’s the Odaiba digidestined: are you really betting against them figuring something out?

Moreover, it reinforces that even as we all have to grow up, it doesn’t mean we have to abandon or forget what we loved about our childhoods. We may have to reassess and re-prioritize, but we can always carry it with us. We can treat the original Digimon Adventure franchise the same way, moving on while keeping what we loved about it in our hearts. As it does to Tai and Matt, Kizuna doesn’t give us the choice of whether to accept this, it just ends it in as beautiful a way as possible, demanding we learn its lesson.

My Grade: A

Loose Data:

While Meiko appearing in Neverland was a lovely callback to tri., there were so many lovely callbacks to everything it would be disappointing not to see something like that. The real special bit of tri. love was bringing back Meiko and Meicoomon’s voice actresses to play the women in the bar, just to show they aren’t forgotten.

I’ve pondered the possibility of digidestined using the digital gates for quick illegal globe hopping before, so I love the confirmation that the 02 kids not only do it, but do it so casually.

Among many alarming things about Menoa is that if you do the math on the dates she was giving Tai, she actually became a digidestined before 1999. That should probably raise more questions. It’s a strange eyebrow-raiser, since putting that date even a couple years later puts her in the same range as Meiko and some of the internationals and wouldn’t be an issue.

One thing that’s massively glossed over in the movie is how the other five team members fall to Eosmon. Not that we don’t accept that they would (Eosmon’s very… persuasive), but they’re contrasted with Tai and Matt as the ones that actually have their act together and seem to be transitioning to adulthood pretty smoothly. The idea that there’s a part of them that would secretly love to be children again is very much a mood (it’s certainly consistent with tri.), but it’s another layer that could have used more attention. Especially with Izzy, who already knew separation from Tentomon was inevitable, had the chance to process that, and still had that trace of doubt in his head to let Eosmon get to his consciousness.

Then Sora could be a contrast to that! With barely a word, Sora appears to lose Biyomon somewhere in the middle of the action, the timing suggesting that she was paid a visit the same way Mimi and Joe were. The mindset leading towards this was explored in an earlier short, so that’s only an issue in the sense that she still wasn’t that far from the other kids. You need to assume that Eosmon tried, and from the way it attacked the 02 kids and the remaining internationals, it doesn’t take no for an answer. That implies some impressive resistance from someone who waffles as much as Sora does. Either way, it’s harsh that all of this happens to her and we don’t get to see any of it.

As for the dub, there are always a couple lines you can point out as being random silly dub moments, but it’s generally a pretty tight script and calling them out seems unfair. The change in the dub from “Neverland” to “The Neverworld” is very curious and makes you wonder if it’s due to creative license or other reasons. No issue at all with comparing that world to the one from a certain fanfiction of the same name.

The new voices in the dub are generally fine: Davis holds up surprisingly decently, Mimi’s not in it enough for Kate Higgins to be that noticeable, and Nick Roye is automatically an improved Matt before we heard a single line. The only notable miss is Yolei, who has an odd slur and not enough energy, and Robert Axelrod could never be replaced as Armadillomon. Strangely, the one voice that might be the most noticeably off is Gabumon despite having the same actor. He’s a little higher than usual, sounding more like Orbot from Sonic Boom.

See reviews of every Digimon episode at Digimon: System Restore! Support the site by joining our Patreon!

[biomic]

How do the Nick seasons of PR compare to the SS seasons? I heard that Robo Knight, the Power Rangers version of Gosei Knight, is the best part of his show, just like Gosei Knight. Also, for clarification, I'm not a Gosei hater, I just deeply love Gosei Knight.

i haven’t watched all of the nick seasons (my intense love for power rangers kinda stalls after rpm ends) but from what i’ve watched/picked up from other people:

samurai: just a poor, soulless, note-for-note translation of shinkenger. astonishingly bad acting even for power rangers, horrible misuse of bulk’s character, and any credit it gets from people is usually stuff that was, again, directly adapted from shinkenger and done far better there. sticking close to the sentai isn’t an inherent problem since most of the target audience has never seen that stuff, but at least shows like time force and spd had real passion behind them while the samurai showrunners just didn’t care. clash of the red rangers is kinda fun but mostly for memes

megaforce: copy/paste what i said about samurai, but worse since it’s supposed to be a celebration of 20 years of power rangers that doesn’t actually celebrate the show. i empathize with the writers for having to mash goseiger AND gokaiger footage together (which i assume was a mandate), essentially cramming 50 episodes worth of toys into 20 episodes, and then having to do that AGAIN in the next season with the same cast. that’ll mess with any show, good or bad, but at the end of the day there’s nothing else to really make up for the baggage it was saddled with. boring characters, episodes with 15+ minutes of sentai footage, and almost a total lack of care or appreciation for the show’s history that made its sentai counterpart so special. i’ve heard the writers wanted to do more with the story and characters but producer jonathan tzachor wasn’t having it, which i totally buy. robo knight’s okay (he raps sometimes) but i much prefer gosei knight’s arc. honestly the best part of megaforce is orion, the silver ranger. his backstory is basically just green arrow as a power ranger, but he was likable, well-acted, and not a lazy rehash of his gokai silver or a stock mmpr character archetype

dino charge: i watched season 1 as it aired, but i haven’t seen season 2. i’ve heard a lot of negative things about the second half of the show and how it goes off the rails, but i’ve also heard some people say that fans are too harsh on it. i dunno, i can’t speak on it until i watch it. but i did really enjoy what i saw. after samurai and megaforce it finally felt like the people behind the show cared about what they were making again (which makes sense since tzachor finally left). it really put a focus on its characters, which i felt was something kyoryu seriously lacked, and it made for one of the most fun casts in the show’s run i think. i’ll finish it one of these days, but even if i end up having issues with s2 i still imagine i’ll put it above kyoryuger

ninja steel: watched the first episode and never followed up on it. i was kind of unimpressed with the premiere since brody’s story felt like an immediate rehash of tyler’s from dino charge, and while blue and pink were cute it wasn’t enough to hold my interest. i thought it might end up being an okay season of pr, but everything i’ve heard about it since talks about how it’s unquestionably one of the worst seasons in the entire franchise. i guess i’ll find out for myself one day when i watch it for completion’s sake, but from what i’ve seen i feel like the fandom’s probably right on this one. anyways stan shuriken sentai ninninger it’s way more enjoyable than anyone gives it credit for

beast morphers: haven’t watched it but people seem to like it! it looks like they’re taking things from gobus and really putting a new spin on them, which i love to see in an adaptation. im not eager to jump into it now bc i hate how nickelodeon stretches the story out across two years, but im looking forward to checking it out when it’s finished (or when that rumor about dr. k from rpm coming back is true bc then i HAVE to binge it)

[katsidhe]

Why isn’t Sam insane? 3/3: Dr. Compartmentalization, or How Sam Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Guilt

(Part One, Part Two.)

I think a lot about Sam’s compartmentalization. It’s got so much unique flair. It bears very little in common with usual depictions of repression, because repression isn’t really the word for the way Sam copes.  

Sam’s got little overlap with Dean’s brand of repression, for instance, which tends to follow a more generally straightforward model: push down your emotional and mental fragility until you can’t anymore, until you gotta collapse or punch or cry. “Spurts of violence and alcoholism,” indeed. Whenever Dean says he’s fine, he’s usually transparently lying to himself and his audience. But when Sam says he’s fine... even when he’s clearly NOT fine, I often get the sense that Sam has persuaded himself to a degree Dean never really has. 

Sam prefers to fancy that he’s honest with himself. He doesn’t suppress the bare facts of what he’s feeling the way Dean is more liable to; instead, Sam operates on telling himself slant truths, and keeping facets of both his identity and his mental health confined to several different, walled spheres.

So many of Sam’s foundational traumas have built-in distance: the Cage; Mary’s death when he was too young to remember her; subsequently growing up in a silent cult dedicated to her loss; Dean’s death in s3 where he had a whole year to prepare and a further year to plan revenge. None of this was sudden. There’s too much time and distance and complication involved in all three of those traumas for “reacting” to be the right word for how he responds. Sam doesn’t react so much as he sublimates.

How?

Thesis time: I think the reason Sam’s able to pull this off is because he has an uncanny ability to bolster his mental health at the cost of his emotional health. That is to say, Sam’s sanity and his guilt are anti-correlated.

Sam’s sense of guilt, shame, and self-blame is arguably one of his strongest, most concrete, and least mutable emotions. When other flavors of his emotional landscape come and go and shift, guilt has stayed with him from early seasons to late. It’s powerful, it’s central, it’s not going away anytime soon.

So what does Sam do with it?

He weaponizes it, internally. It’s a grudge match: guilt vs. trauma. He makes his Bad Thoughts fight it out. It’s brutally effective. Sam uses his shame and guilt not only to goad himself onward and force himself into ever-twisting forms of self-castigation and redemption and recompense, but also as a means to defang the emotions and the experiences that cause him significant mental distress, the ones he’s sure he can’t deal with while remaining sane. 

Weirdly enough, Lucifer’s preferred flavor of victim blaming (putting emphasis on Sam’s personal culpability; it’s your fault, you did this, you chose this) actually contributes to Sam’s ability to cope like this. So too does Dean’s patent inability to let go of a grudge. 

Because the shadow side of guilt is autonomy. If Sam’s responsible for screwing up, that means he had personal control when he screwed up. I think this is a large part of why Sam clings so tenaciously to his shame over mistakes both real and imagined. 

Holding on that tightly to guilt has obvious costs.

Juxtapose Sam’s fevered-but-hopeful mission in the latter part of s8 with his eventual collapse in 8.23. Sam’s certainly at the end of his emotional rope, but... he’s not really in a mental crisis in any way comparable to what he experienced in s7. He’s forcibly shoved himself into functional sanity by focusing on those feelings of guilt and betrayal and letting Dean down, culminating in the pain he feels in “Sacrifice”.

Similarly, in s14, I think Sam’s mental health/sense of his capacity for improvement and self-actualization is on a definitive upswing (thanks, 13.23!), but his emotional health is arguably more fragile than it’s been since s8. He cries every other episode (it’s great), and that’s in no small part because he’s taken on so much personal ownership and guilt and responsibility concerning the fates of the AU hunters, and Nick, and Jack, and Dean. 

Think about Sam saying “no, see, I’m just viewing my time in the Cage as really extreme penance, so I’m all good,” in early s7. (Incidentally, some of s7 is a rare reversal of the usual trend, wherein Sam’s feeling less guilt but having much worse sanity problems.) Think about Sam concluding “my problem is my uncleanliness and past sins; these will all be fixed once I close the gates of Hell,” in mid-to-late s8. Think about Sam deciding in 11.11 that “my ACTUAL traumatic takeaway from being in close quarters with Lucifer? Is really just my lingering guilt over Purgatory; better apologize to Dean again, that’ll help.” 

Sam takes VIOLENT ownership over his experiences. Not so he can deal with them, no no no--so that he can force them into metal-lined safes at gunpoint.

He even does the gunpoint thing literally in 6.22. Except he takes my analogy a step further; he actually murders Cage!Sam and Soulless!Sam in order to merge with them safely. And what’s spurring him on? “You know me; you know why.” Why is responsibility. Why is guilt. 

[amirosebooks]

Ouroboros: Ten Years Gone

I watched 14x14 last night and it got me thinking about the circular writing that the Dabb era has been doing with the show. This episode reminded me a lot of 4x14 a.k.a. the episode where Dean’s siren turned out to be a guy. At first, it was the parallel of delivering their poison through a kiss that had me pointing and flailing at my tv while I babbled about parallels to my husband (who smiled and nodded and didn’t care). As I put together this post though, I’m positive there was a lot more reflecting on 4x14 than I’d previously thought.

This post isn’t quite as thorough as I’d like as I don’t have a ton of screenshots available yet (the ones I do have are all from Home of the Nutty for both episodes) and I haven’t watched the episodes back to back or anything.

(Also, I’ll have to reblog this post with extra links that inspired this because tumblr is just... *shakes fists*)

We’ve got another mythical creature, instead of a siren it’s a gorgon. And instead of The Odyssey it’s Clash of the Titans that Dean references immediately. Said mythical creature is, again, a guy who is fixated on Dean. BUT in 4x14 the guy, Nick, was bro-coded as opposed to queer coded like our 14x14 gorgon. (They look fairly similar too if you ignore eye color.)

14x14 had Sam and Rowena sharing research together then later pretending to be together for a vet so they could get anti-venom needed for a spell. Whereas 4x14 had Sam getting tipsy with Cara and suspecting her of using those little purple flowers over her right shoulder to poison her victims.

Later, in 14x14 Sam and Rowena posed as a concerned couple when they brought their “dog” (who was really Jack thanks to Rowena’s spellwork) into a vet so they could steal a jar of anti-venom for a spell. In 4x14 Sam and Cara hooked up in her office after (or before? It’s been a while since I watched the episode) finding out that the blood vials from the case were stolen.

A real, solid friendship (of sorts) between Sam and Rowena where they pretended to have a romantic connection to solve the case. In contrast with a romantic connection built up under the false pretenses of Sam’s “Yes, I’m totally FBI” cover story. (Also, Rowena mocking the boys for using the same cover story all the time was gold.)

In 4x14 we had Dean bonding with Nick the siren over classic rock trivia, cars, and strip clubs. In 14x14 we have Dean and Cas looking like 1000% exhausted dads taking their vaguely-teenaged son out for breakfast. The conversation between Dean and Nick was largely light hearted. The dinner date talk between Dean and Cas was stressful and sad and real.

This expression made another appearance in 14x14. I’m sure there’s no correlation between these two conversations or these two fond looks.

Still, one of these looks is borne of a conversation where both people are lying about who they are and is largely performance. (Regardless of any walls coming down.) The other is the product of ten years of living and dying next to each other and for each other and finally getting to a point where they can use their fucking words with one another without trying to lie and dance around the bad things going on in their lives.

In 4x14, Dean was given the siren’s poison by drinking from a shared flask. (Again, is there a heterosexual explanation for what Bobby and Sam must have assumed for how Dean got dosed when all the other victims kissed the siren?)

In 14x14 Cas got a surprise kiss on the cheek to get his dose of venom. He was left paralyzed until Jack burned away the venom from his system. (And a part of his own soul! Can’t forget that. I’m sure that’ll have no negative consequences later...........)

In 4x14 we saw victims of the siren’s venom fall under the siren’s control. 

In 14x14 we saw another one of the “I accidentally joined Team Free Will” extended family members falling under the control of an outside force when Rowena said yes to Michael in an attempt to save the Winchesters.

4x14 had Bobby swooping in just in time to kill the siren and free Dean from his spell.

In 14x14 we had Jack making the last minute save, likely at the expense of burning off a good chunk of his soul.

(At least they brought back the soulless prophet recently so they have a handy guinea pig for figuring out how to regrow or restore a soul, right?)