#it's one thing to be like 'i was raised by tv because my parents neglected me and i don't think parents should do that'

[gavisuntiedboot]

Gavi asking the reader to be his gf (headcanon)

A/N: omg this is such a cute request

~~

Asking you to be his girlfriend would entail ...

Y'all want me to be honest?

Gavi is for sure most definitely the type of person to just assume that a girl he's been exclusive with is his girlfriend

He is not a huge fan of difficult conversations or uncomfortable situations, so he is never going to go out of his way to DTR (define the relationship)

You two had been going out for a while before he even asked about exclusivity

"So you're not like... seeing other guys, right? I mean it's okay if you are. Well not really. I mean I want you to stop if you are seeing other people, but like I won't be mad if you have done it before... right now I guess."

You'd giggle at his rushed out request, reassuring him that you weren't interested in seeing anyone else

"Everyone is too calm after being with you Pablo"

He had no idea whether he should be flattered by the fact that you liked him as much as he liked you, or insulted that you just called him hyper.

Six to eight months into the relationship, you would probably have to be the one to bring it up

"my roommates keep referring to you as 'the boyfriend'. They think they're funny."

This would be the most confusing sentence of Gavi's life. Was he ... not the boyfriend?

And that's exactly what he asked you.

"Why is it funny that they call me your boyfriend?"

"Because you're not my boyfriend?"

Pablo's phone clattered to the ground, and it took everything in you not to laugh.

"If this is your way of breaking up with me, it's not funny."

The look on Pablo's face was so heartbreaking that it made you get up from your seat, hugging his pouting face into your chest.

"I'm just messing around with you. You've never asked me to be your girlfriend, so I didn't want to jump to any conclusions."

Gavi: i am confusion

"You have to ask?" *eyebrow raise*

After asking his teammates (shyly and in private corners to avoid the teasing) it was true: he would need to ask you to be his girlfriend

"I don't know man, it just makes things seem more official." He complained to Ansu, who was absolutely not listening to a word he said, and Ousmane, who was engrossed in Pablito's love life

"But don't you want things to be more official? She's met the team, your parents, the la masia boys - I don't think the title will really impact things

Pablo didn't want to admit that the real reason he had neglected this question was just that he didn't feel comfortable enough sitting you down and talking about something this serious

So one night, while you were over at his house to watch the Argentinian national team play a friendly, he turned to you

He was in a hoodie, similar to you, with his feet propped up on the coffee table sharing chips from a bowl wobbling dangerously on the sofa

You had just finished yelling at the TV, a replay coming onto the screen

"Will you be my girlfriend?"

You blinked at Pablo slowly, processing what he had said to you

"What?"

"Okay I'll say it again. Will you be my girlfriend?"

"...what?"

"Please don't make me keep saying it I'm sweating bullets."

You restrained the smirk on your face, turning in your place to face him fully.

"Why do you want me to be your girlfriend, Pablo?"

A breath

He didn't think he would get this far

Or have to articulate something that felt so natural

It just felt so right to have you as his partner, to have you beside him, that he didn't think he would have to say that to you

"Well... I'm going to be honest, I have been thinking of you as my girlfriend since our like, second date. I just feel like we fit together. See like this, sitting here, being lazy with you, being around you, it just feels like... it's where I'm meant to be. Also it's easier to say 'hey I need tickets for my girlfriend' rather tha- why are you crying?"

The stretch of your cheeks with joy had prevented you from fully grasping the tears that rolled down your face

"I have no clue I'm really happy"

Hugs. Those ones where you grip each other really tightly like you don't want to fall into the abyss. The one where the lint of their shirt is literally your oxygen, and if you were any closer you would be one organism

Neck kisses. Y'all know the ones, but if you don't there's an example at the end

Hand holding with the thumb-rub for comfort. Yeah, y'all see the vision

"So, is that a yes?"

"Of course, stupid." which was said through sniffles

He literally stopped using your name after that

Only referred to you as 'my girlfriend'

"Oh me and my girlfriend went to.."

"My girlfriend said that..."

"Let me ask my girlfriend."

BONUS: when he won the Nation's League with the Spanish NT (sorry grandpappy Luka), he posted a million things onto his Instagram story, including the team singing along to Titi Me Pregunto by Bad Bunny

You swiped up on the story with: Si tengo muchas novia'?

His response: no, just one with múltiples personalidades

A/N: He just love a good smooch. Anyways it's 4:30am time ti go to bed. PLS Y"ALL i would rlly appreciate if you interacted with this post besides liking (comments/ reblogs) if you feel so inclined. Just a small thing that keeps people including myself motivated to write. JP9 in progress but not ETA due to Eid being next week. Love y'all <<33

[butchlesbianmike]

Tower Tarot System Headcanons (Mike & his system)

Under the cut are my detailed headcanons for mike, his backstory, and details about his alters. Note that i've changed some 'canon' stuff and added a few new alters.

TW: There will be mentions of Parental Abuse such as neglect and implied physical and emotional violence. There will be mentions of Sexual Abuse relating to Mike & Vito.

Keeper

• System Aware • One of the main Gatekeepers. More of a state of consciousness than an alter. Not sure how to explain it even as a system myself but basically more of a concept and a fragment? It is not really an alter that another alter could just come up to or interact with. • Was created by the horrid neglect and abuse endured at the end of the system's mother which from a young age made clear they would not be able to function without amnesic barriers separating states of consciousness/ego states.

Lucia:

• 5 - she/her - System Unaware, became dormant until Mike went to therapy. She then became system aware. • Alter i created for their system. Sarah is a child alter and technically the first host the system had but quickly became a rarely fronting part due to varying traumatic events between the ages of 3 and 5. Her age got frozen around 5 years old. She also stopped being host at that age after a harshly traumatic event. • System is unsure if there are other parts younger than her, she is the youngest identifiable host.

Chester:

• 56 - He/Him - System Aware - One of the gatekeepers • Split off around 4. • Introject of their grandpa on their mom side. Very important to Sarah and was very kind and took good care of the system.Their mom was incredibly neglectful and their grandpa is basically who raised them. Their mom cut contact with their grandpa after a fight between them. • Losing their grandpa alongside the constant abuse now worsening from being around their mother more did lead to a split. • Chester appears very grumpy because they found it funny whenever he would go on rambles and complain about silly things to them but also because they were hardly ever allowed to express negative emotions or frustration around their mother and so Chester became a part that held a lot of those negative emotions they didnt feel safe expressing.

Svetlana (Went by Lucia) :

• She/They - Ages with body - not quite system aware, notices things but very much normalizes them. Becomes system aware once Mike gets a girlfriend and also starts exploring gender. • Split off around 7 when their mom started signing them up for competitive gymnastics. (They were already doing gymnastics before, but competitive only started at 7). • Main cohost for a long time. Helped Sarah and Lola with learning gymnastics and handled competitions due to their mother being incredibly abusive during tournaments and competitions. • She wasnt really aware she was cohost, she felt like this was her life but she kinda saw it as like.. "oh i just feel more like myself in my element! Gymnastics is just really important to me and its where i thrive everybody say they have masks depending on if theyre at school or at home or with friends!! I guess my mask just comes off when im doing gymnastics :D". • She thought that the Russian accent was just a bit she was very dedicated to and what helped her 'get in character' for competitions. That it was just her trying hard to be like those russian gymnasts they really like on TV to feel more confident. • She always felt uncomfortable with being infantilized and felt much older, but everyone around them would say they have an old soul so she assumed that must by why. • She discovers she's a lesbian around when the body's age is 14. • She is one of the alters alongside Vito who causes Mike to realize something isn't adding up and reach out to try and get therapy. • Did not like Mike's girlfriend and actually really disliked being referred to as a guy. This was actually a main source of conflict between her and Mike and another reason Mike started feeling something was wrong because he realized that the dysphoria he got seeming more masculine or being perceived as more masculine didn't feel like it was Actually Him. • She often would be very distant and even cold to their girlfriend because she realized that they were a system and that she wasn't Mike and that actually his girlfriend was hurting them. • After therapy and system work and being acknowledged as her own alter, her relationship with Mike got a lot better and they agreed on keeping some feminine stuff for her to wear whenever she's front. • Actually really likes Zoey and tries really hard to hint that she also likes her. She and Zoey actually start dating too.

Lola (Went by Lucia):

• She/her - 10 - system unaware until she stopped being host. She became system aware when the body was 12 and that she got yonked and became more of an internal alter and very very rarely ever fronted again. She was under the care of Manitoba and Chester in the headspace. • Another system kid and previous host, she handled life from 6 to 12. • She and Svetlana were really fronting together almost all the time and switching between eachother frequently, although rarely experiencing blackouts more than greyouts. • While she was a host from ages 6 to 12, she stopped aging in the headspace at 10. • A huge part of this was due to how rocky elementary school was. They were changing schools left and right and it was really hard to keep up with all the constant changes. Around 10 she lost one of the only friends she had managed to make and due to their already fragile state, this was distressing enough to halt her development as an alter in itself. Svetlana mostly started being the main host from 10 to 12 although Lola was still there and at least cofront a majority of the time. • Starts fronting a bit more after Mike starts doing system work (Body age around 17).

Mike:

• He/They - Ages with body - First Host to become system aware. • Split off around 12 due to stress bcuz the system moved in with their dad because their mom no longer wanted to be responsible for them nor pay for their highschool necessities. • He became host because he didnt carry much of the traumatic memories related to their mom, didn't have system awareness, and was fairly functional with school and with their dad. • At first he had it a lot better than previous hosts and was one of the most stable host for a short while which made it that switching didn't frequently occur except here and there or when triggered due to x y z. • That changed about 8 months after him being host. A month before turning 13 he started figuring out that he had a crush on a girl and might be a lesbian. • Not only that but also started getting a lot of gender dysphoria, even feeling uncomfortable with a lot of his clothes and even pictures of him in his gymnastic outfits and competitions. • Nothing much came out of the crush except heartbreak which did kind of shake things up for the system. Mike felt things very profoundly and the heartbreaks of feeling like he would never find love because he likes girls destabilized the system a bit which led to more frequent switches- especially at school to continue functioning with the classmate mike had a crush on. • Around 14 Mike finds out more about things identity wise and starts thinking he might be a transmasculine butch lesbian, but isn't sure of himself because he feels his identity is very shaky and constantly changing so he settles on being genderfluid. (This confusion is mostly caused by Svetlana who also is discovering she's a lesbian btw). • At 15 is when the big bad happens for Mike. He gets his first girlfriend who happens to be older and more experienced than him. She sees him as a trans guy, even though he tries to explain he isn't. She is very forward and sexual to him, which freaks him out. She is constantly trying to see his chest and fetishize him especially when he's binding. • At 17 after a long time seeing a therapist due to the previous events, he found out he was a system and has been doing system work with his therapist for a year now. This is the same year he signs up for total drama.

Manitoba 'Jones':

• He/Him - 21 - System Aware • Split off around 13. • Introject of Henry 'Indiana' Jones from specifically 'The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles'. • Chose the name Manitoba to distance himself from his source, although he finds high comfort in it. • System Historian / Internal Helper. He also frequently takes care of the syskids and takes them on adventures in the headspace. • Very rare for him to fully front but he likes to come sit around front whenever anyone watches action movies. • Is actually the one that handled breaking up with Mike & Vito's girlfriend because neither of them felt like they could and when he figured out what was going on he got very protective.

Vito:

• He/Him but later on uses any - 18 - System Aware • Split off around 15 because of Mike's girlfriend of the time. • Split off as a sexual protector and hypersexuality symptoms holder. • Sexualizes himself a lot because it makes him feel in control and desired. Feels like because 'hes a guy' it means he has to like and enjoy it bcuz thats what a real man would feel. • Gets triggered front everytime anyone in the system loses their shirt because of it creating dysphoria and PTSD. • Was actually the most heartbroken when they broke up with their shitty ex girlfriend. He loved her a lot and saw himself as her boyfriend more than Mike did, even if he knew deep down she wasn't good to them. • Is the alter that, alongside Svetlana, made Mike realize something wasn't adding up and start talking to a psychologist and getting therapy. • Started unpacking a lot of his relationship but still holds a lot of the system's hypersexuality symptoms and has a weird relationship to gender as he feels like his 'gender' as a 'guy' is affirmed through having withstood their ex' abuse and 'enjoying' it. • He is actually nonbinary but it takes him a while to figure that out and only really figures it out AFTER total drama.

Mal:

• He/She/It - Ages With Body - System Aware • Persecutor/Misguided Protector. Split off during total drama all stars. • Mal split off with the belief that to win the game you have to be selfish and self preserving and manipulative. • He feels that Mike is "Too soft" and "Too kind" to survive let alone win the game. So he decides to play it by 'their rules'. A rule that Mal perceives to be the only way to make it through. • Due to splitting off with the belief of needing to replace Mike, she actually looks very similar to him in the headspace and while she doesn't like it she finds it very easy to imitate him and sees it as a way to protect the system by imitating Mike to win the show and get everyone away. • She thinks Mike is too 'naive' and 'trusting' and Mal sees that as a weakness others in the show will exploit and abuse so he decides to distrust everyone including the people who the rest of the system feel are safe like Zoey and Cameron. • It doesn't come from a serious place of malice more than a maladaptive coping strategy where Mal is in constant survival mode and unwilling to let his guard down in case the system gets hurt and he KNOWS that its bound to happen being part of total drama. • This is reinforced by the fact that Mal split off with memories concerning their ex girlfriend and knows how deceiving people can be, especially seeing how some of the people on the show have tons of red flags that reminds her of Mike & Vito's ex. • He tries to protect the system by constantly trying to force herself front and by betraying people and playing 'the villain' so that no one will hurt them and that they have more chances to win if they're the one to strike first and he lashes out and gets angry when the system calls him out for it because he doesn't understand why they dont see what he sees. • After a lot of therapy and help from the system and Zoey and Cameron, Mal unpacks and unlearns a lot of the harmful ideas she split off with and also starts exploring herself outside of 'Total Drama'. A lot of her identity is tied as 'Mike's only hope to survive total drama' and its a lot for her to work through. • She gets on much better terms with Zoey later on, but it does take a very long time to build up that trust between them even if Zoey understands where Mal was coming from.

[yuri-for-businesswomen]

hi again, I’m the anon who asked if I can ramble.

first off I just want to say thank you, you are very kind to each person who’s in your inbox and you are so incredibly smart. I wish you all the best in the upcoming year.

so, I have this problem - I get infatuated my men very quickly, even if I see them just one time and don’t talk to them. I’ve been in radical feminism for over 2 years now and thankfully, this problem has become less of a headache for me now. I’m very thankful to radfem for it. but still, just when I think I’m finally free from my obsession with guys, it starts again, every half a year or so. In summer I was obsessing with this one barista, I even initiated a conversation with him and asked for his number. I was very conflicted, because with a sober head I understood, that I don’t even like him. but it as a time when my dog died, I was highly apathetic and emotional. and I just kept fantasising about him.

and this is the core of the problem for me, I just keep imagining various romantic scenarios with guys. it started when I was an early teen. and the thing is, I don’t want to think about all that. I can’t seem to stop. it feels out of my control, it exhausts and haunts me, because who am I if I can’t even control my own thoughts ?? I don’t want to be romantically involved with these guys, but my brain seems to demand me I get infatuated with them.

and I’m getting reminded of that again, because there is again this one guy. also, so I don’t forget to mention. most of the time, the guys I’m getting obsessed over are ugly. like, literally. I’m seeing it with my sober head. but when I enter this state I don’t seem to notice it. I understand it’s because it feels safer this way, “crushing” on a guy who’s uglier.

I also understand partially where’s the root of a problem hides. I had an abusive and neglectful father. plus societal expectations. plus all of these romance movies and tropes, which most girls consume from an early stage of childhood. but I also had an abusive mother. and I don’t get this sort of thing with women. (Im bisexual). around a month ago I was questioning my bisexuality very hard, since I get so little crushes on women. but then I feel hard for one. It felt so freeing. finally getting real butterflies because of a real feeling towards a woman. not I man whom I imagined in my head. the thing is, I can’t even say I’m crushing hard on men. It doesn’t seem like a crush, it seems like an obsession.

I can’t even talk about it with my friends, since it seems batshit insane. but for these couple of days I had almost non stop intrusive romantic thoughts and imaginary scenarios with this one guy. and Jesus Christ, I’ve seen him for the second time yesterday, and I felt nothing towards him. but when I got home, the thoughts resumed. so much so that I didn’t know where to put myself. I even searched up his socials and thought of various plans of getting to talk to him more. but I don’t want to!!!! what the actual hell. I really don’t know how to stop it. these thoughts really plague my mind and scares me very much.

thank you again if you read all of that. you are a wonderful person.

hello, are you me?! it has gotten a bit better with age but i still get these weird obsessions (obsessions, not crushes as you fittingly put it) and start daydreaming about them meeting my parents and us marrying (i want neither of these things?!). im bisexual too and its more with men than women, i think for similar reasons as you, neglectful parents and being raised by the tv which promotes these (hetero) romantic ideas. the daydreaming doesnt bother me that much but i hate that i have issues acting normal around those people and also focus on my looks more. does it also lead to bad decisions? because if it doesnt i wouldnt worry too much about it. daydreaming can be comfort. looking up someones socials or asking for a number is also not that bad albeit i deeply understand it starts to get to you when you cant turn it off and it feels almost compulsory (had this too, i have concocted and partly realised some weird shenanigans to get closer to my obsession). since i really relate to this i can imagine you like me have made dumb and regretful decisions because of this in the past as you already sketched out.

how old are you? because for me it has definitely gotten better with age and also with dating more. i always felt like i was „behind“ my peers when it comes to being romantically involved with people and the older i got the less worried i was. radical feminism helped a lot too to see that this doesnt make me any less valuable. sorry im talking a lot about myself here but i just relate a lot! overall i dont think the obsessions are much to worry about but with everything you have shared i would say there are probably some deeper issues you have to work through (no shade the same applies to me). have you ever been in therapy or considered going? that might be a good start. and honestly talk to your friends about it. its not that weird! i have a friend who rejoices in my obsession stories and it has helped me feel better about it.

i hope this was any help to you, youre more than welcome to drop into my inbox again or send me a direct message!

[twigg96]

Steve Harrington HCs

With some Steddie HCs as well :3

Steve is the best big brother ever but he pulls the shittiest pranks on the kids. He is always 3 trends behind in the prank world so they always know what he’s about to do. Even El knows the Whoopie Cushion is hiding under the pillow for her to sit on most times. Dustin thinks it’s because Steve would never intentionally hurt them. Max thinks it’s because he’s too slow to realize times have changed. Robin is the only one that knows it’s because Steve gets all his “great ideas” from renting the old movies from the video store.

Steve would 100% become Tik Tok famous at any age. He’d master the all of the dances and become the biggest thirst trap on the platform. Only problem was. He was completely oblivious to it. He just liked to dance and his followers seemed to like it when he put in the extra effort to move his body a little more or take his shirt off. So he was more than happy to do as his new friends asked. Nancy, Jonathan, Robin and Hell even Argyle had warned him not to get to attached with the people sending him nice comments for what they wanted. But Steve insisted that his friends on the app liked him for who he really was. It helped a lot that Eddie was more than supportive of him and even appeared in a few of his Tik Toks. The lead singer danced along side his boyfriend (more so staring at the man than dancing but who was going to ever judge him).

One day during a discussion about what they wanted to grow up to be as children and how stupid their child selfs were, Robin had loudly proclaimed that she had wanted to become a “crayon tester”. Something her parents came up with to keep her busy on long car rides and in important public places to keep her happy and quiet as she was always talking to strangers about all their family business. Everyone thought it fit her quite well and if there was a real possibility of a job opening for a crayon tester at the Crayon factory she’d be a shoe in. Eddie laughed about becoming a veterinarian. Telling a long exaggerated story about how many animals he saved over the many years he spent living at his Uncle’s only to have Steve hold up two fingers knowing quite well from a proud Wayne himself that Eddie had saved a stray baby kitten and a nest of hatchlings once. However when everyone turned to Steve he stayed quiet. They poked and tried to pry it loose, even Nancy didn’t know what his child self wanted to be. “A lawyer like your parents?” Made the boy turn his nose up at Johnathan and scrunch his face in disgust. “And you’re supposed to be a journalist Byers?” He asked laughing to try and raise his own mood. But no matter how much he tried to change the subject his friends wouldn’t let up. So he relented. “An astronaut…” he muttered blushing and looking away in shame. “I wanted to be an astronaut. Mostly to get my parents to pay attention to me… because it seemed like when I watched the astronauts on TV with the Nanny’s… they all had a huge crowd of people cheering for them. Their whole family was so happy and I wanted that too. When I told my parents they just laughed and told me I needed to be smart to do that. I tried to get by on my grades but I just couldn’t get past the things my parents said… and my math wasn’t worth a damn so I’m freshman year I game up on that dream and started chasing sports. Figured if I couldn’t get into college for my brain I might for athletics and then… maybe mom and dad would be proud… ya know eventually.” Everyone stared at Steve their expressions ranging from heartbreak to rage at his neglectful parents. Steve wanted to take everything he said back but was swallowed in a huge bear hug instead.

During the first summer Steve and Eddie spent together, they worked in the same job. Well… they worked at the same place. They both worked at the small locally owned amusement park that opened a few years before just outside of Hawkins. Eddie and Corroded Coffin got their first real “long term gig” that promised to pay a low but even rate every Monday through Friday and Sunday with Saturdays off to do whatever or preform elsewhere for extra cash. A good amount of musically inclined people would come to the park after dark to listen to the performances so the offers to perform in bars, restaurants, clubs, and even as an opening act for one of Indiana’s better known Indie bands. Steve worked as a game attendant in a booth near the stage. His booth contained three separate games he had to man. The first was a water gun game where his “guests” had to aim jets of water at a clowns mouth and see who could get their buzzer to ring first. He found the water pressures on the first and third chairs were the highest and changed between the two to make it seem like it was random. He kept track of which chair won last to make sure the kids or people who looked like they needed cheering up would be sure to win. The second game was ring toss. That one was always rigged but had the best prizes in the whole park so he got a lot of traffic on that game. He noticed there were only around 17 bottles the rings would fit over at all ranging from small prize to large. Only one bottle would allow for a large prize however. He tried to discourage people from playing it when they had young kids who desperately wanted a prize and instead tried to encourage the other water game where prizes were almost guaranteed. The last game was a basket game. Shoot an easy one shot from like 6 feet away 3 times get a large prize. Easy right? Wrong. The hoops were rigged to have screws poking out the back to keep people from making baskets. He was instructed to tighten or loosen the screws so much based on the parks expected crowd capacity before he opened the game. He really hated cheating everyone so he was sure to tighten the screws just enough to allow for a few more baskets but keep his bosses from getting suspicious. Busy days like holidays it could get quite crowded and hectic. But on slow easy going days when Eddie and his crew showed up early to set up, Eddie would take a long walk with Steve on his lunch break to let him relax and let him know how loved he was and that all this was going to be worth it.

[buddiebeginz]

So I finally caught up on season 6 of 911. I have a lot of thoughts but one in particular I want to rant on. In a few of the most recent eps we’ve seen Chim’s Dad and Buck and Maddie’s parents. There’s been this underlying theme of Buck and Chim were in the wrong and they should forgive and forget and give their parents another chance regardless of all the harm they did when their kids were young. 911 used this same message way back in season 4 when they introduced Buck’s parents. Where they basically just had Buck say he forgave them and that was that. As if they didn’t keep secrets and always treat Buck like something was wrong with him because he couldn’t save Daniel. 

I’m not saying it’s not okay to move past things or to forgive people who have hurt you. That can be incredibly healing for some people depending on the situation. But this message that Chim and Buck are somehow in the wrong for having negative feelings associated with their parents or for not wanting them around is not okay. 

I also hated how they were writing Albert. It wasn’t okay for him to just bring Chimney’s dad there without asking especially when he knows the kind of relationship they have. I didn’t like Hen pushing Chim to talk to his dad too. This logic that Chim should talk to his dad because he’ll regret it. Chimney has tried to reach out to his dad in the past and his dad has shut him down and not cared to listen. Just because someone is your parent doesn’t necessarily mean they are deserving of your time. 

It just felt like they were trying sanitize the Buckley’s into these sweet as pie, loving, supportive parents now when that’s never how they were. Yes people can grow and change but it doesn’t happen over night and it’s even less likely as people age. Is it possible Buck’s parents could have changed some? Yes. But in parts of these episodes they felt too different for it to be realistic for me. 

I don’t know maybe this all bothers me a lot because I grew up in an abusive home but as far as I see it Buck’s parents and Chim’s dad were abusive to their kids in one form or another. Mental and emotional abuse and neglect is still abuse. Buck’s parents were lost in their grief and Maddie really was the one raising Buck (which she shouldn’t have had to). They were distant with Buck and seemed to criticize him for everything to the point he didn’t even want to live with them anymore. Chim’s dad was distant and demeaning the few times Chim even got to talk to him. So no Buck and Chim don’t owe them anything. 

I’m not saying Buck and Chim can’t can choose to have a relationship with their parents if they want to and that the show can’t show that. I think showing complex family relationships can make for good tv, my issue is when the show chooses to go with the narrative of “they’re your parents you should give them a chance”. That somehow it’s on Buck and Chim now to put the effort into having a relationship with people who spent years pushing them away.

[fanfic-inator795]

Okay, I just gotta ask. To the people who say that Raph “raised his siblings” and who write fanfics where he’s the main caretaker of the other turtles while Splints lays in bed depressed/watches tv... Do you guys have a reason why you think this was the case, or are you just projecting?

I don’t mean to be rude, I really don’t, but some of the fics I’ve seen recently just kinda take this idea to an extremely OOC degree. I know the Turtle Tots stuff we got in the show was pretty light so their past is pretty open to interpretation, but I just don’t see any indication that Raph was ever parentified.

In the Turtle Tots short, he’s fooling around with the weapons just like his brothers are, not being worried about them hurting themselves or trying to be all that responsible. Same with the flashback in the s1 finale, where it’s RAPH who decides to play with/throw a fragile tea pot. Again, Raph is playing WITH them, not babysitting them.

I’d also like to add that while Splinter isn’t fully supervising them, he does come check on the boys IMMEDIATELY after he hears a smash in the s1 finale example. Speaking of that ep, we see brief flashbacks of Splinter engaging with his kids (encouraging Mikey’s art, patching up Donnie, playing lemonade stand with Raph and Leo) and we know that Splints did things with them when they were younger too, like take them trick-or-treating (Turtle Tots short) or help out with their Lair Games. Flash forward to their teen years, and for as much tv watching as he did, the moment that the Turtles asked for more training in the ELoM ep, Splinter immediately got to work with them, only using the Lou Jitsu method because he thought the Turtles weren’t ready for tougher things/was being protective NOT because he was being lazy/wanted to relive the glory days (at least, not entirely).

Could Splinter have been more hands-on/responsible as a parent? Yeah, absolutely! But there’s a big difference between you and your siblings being allowed to play in a different room/do your own thing while your parent does their own thing, and you having to babysit your siblings and fend for yourself while your parent does nothing. Yes, Splints became more distant as the Turtles got older and became more independent, but even in early s1 where he was at his ‘worst’, he showed that he cared about them. 

Honestly, if Splints truly was an extremely neglectful and emotionally distant parent during their early childhood, then why do the Turtles still love and care about him so much? Yes they’re his kids, but those natural family ties only goes so far - a parent still has to put in at least some work for their kids to truly love them, and the Turtles love Splinter! If they felt like he didn’t give a crap about them, they would’ve left as soon as they got their mystic powers. If RAPH felt like their dad didn’t care and thought he could find a better life for himself and his bros, then HE would’ve left and taken the other turtles long ago. 

Hell, APRIL HAS BEEN THEIR FRIEND SINCE SHE WAS 11 YEARS OLD! If there was serious neglect and emotional mistreatment going on, April would have noticed and talked to Raph about it. She certainly wouldn’t be as close with Splinter as she is in canon if she heard about him forcing Raph to be the one to make sure their home’s pantries had food/be the one making their meals/being the one putting his bros to bed/being the parent/etc.

“So why is Raph so protective/why does he feel like he has to be responsible?” you may ask? Well, maybe that’s just in his nature!

As the eldest sibling in my family with a brother who’s only a year younger than me (same age gap as the turtles), I’d usually be the one letting him inside after we both got home from school. I wasn’t ‘babysitting’, I was just keeping an eye on things until my parents got home from work, where I’d usually just watch tv or whatever while my brother played video games in his room. I had to be responsible, yeah, but there was no parentification or anything like that.

Guess what? I still ended up being protective of my brother - not because of any influence from my parents, but because I love my brother and (back then, at least) I had a mother hen-esque mindset when it came to him. And I just feel like Raph was the same way - it’s just what kinda happens when your siblings are also your closest friends growing up. He was never forced into caring for his bros, he just did it! He was never told to be a good example, he wanted to be one! He took up the role as leader of his own accord - and if anyone should be blamed for making Raph feel like he had to be responsible, it should be the other turtles who (during specific moments at least) chose to relax instead and ‘just let Raph handle it’.

And really, for as responsible as Raph can be sometimes, he’s just as much of a goofball as the other Turtles, and can be just as reckless (if not more so at times)! He doesn’t feel like a mini adult or a parent, he feels like a kid who has a better grasp on when to get serious than his brothers do (which makes sense for Raph, since he cares the most about protecting others and actually being a hero!) 

I’m gonna reiterate: I DO NOT THINK that Splinter was a perfect parent. I fully believe that there were likely moments where he could’ve been better - less forgetful, less distant, less focused on TV - and he certainly could’ve been more responsible. But Splinter still ACTIVELY TRIED to be a parent - at the very least, he tried to when the Turtles were little and actually needed more care and guidance (VS them being teens and being able to be more independent, which I could see Splints - who didn’t have a good parent relationship himself - interpreting this as them not needing him or wanting him around).

He wasn’t the best parent he could be, but he was FAR from the worst. Furthermore, I don’t believe there was any true parentification of Raph done. Maybe it could have been done accidentally - I’m sure there were times where Splints had to leave Raph in charge while he went to go scavenge for food - but purposely? After the treatment that Splinter went through from his grandfather, who was essentially trying to force him to grow up (for a noble and important cause, but still)?? I really doubt it.

tl;dr: Splinter was an imperfect parent but he wasn’t THAT bad. Just because Raph is naturally a bit more responsible and a bit overprotective doesn’t mean he was parentified. And if you’re going to write angst or hurt/comfort fics based in the Turtles childhood, PLEASE make it in-character instead of only focusing on the angst bits.

[arcxnumvitae]

Trope, trope with Ruaidhri!

@thewolfisawake || For every “Trope” I get, I will post a TV trope for my muse || Accepting

Brilliant, but Lazy-- Yes, he's smart, I swear he is. Ruaidhri is incredibly skilled when it comes to social interactions and working people, and he has a cleverness and wittiness that actually surpasses many of his fellow gentry. The only thing is that...he would rather use it to engineer shirtless practice sessions at his home to watch at his leisure than for something like advancement in the Court or garnering favor with others.

It's because of this "laziness" that's led to his father reaching the belief that his son is dull, unintelligent, good for nothing, sex-obsessed, and only interest in partying. Of which only the latter two are true. Anyways, Ruaidhri's apparent ditzy air and flighty, shallow, air-headed personality make plenty of the gentry believe the same as his dad does, not knowing that his hedonistic veneer also hides a keenly intelligent mind that's usually only interested in working towards whatever personal goal he happens to have at the moment.

Aur's started to catch onto that as of late though, and has started to utilize it by putting Ruaidhri to work and having him be the front man of Seelie when interacting with other rulers and nobility, much to Ruaidhri's chagrin.

...I had this all ready to post until I saw that second "trope".

Parental Neglect (small tw for discussions of Seòras not really raising his kid): Ruaidhri was largely left to his own devices during his childhood. He could do whatever he wanted, go wherever he wanted, and no one was there to tell him no. The mortals that served his family only had to make sure he was clothed, fed, and not doing anything that might accidentally get him killed.

Seòras had made it clear from an early age his entire purpose for siring Ruaidhri-- to provide a child that might be married off to the next ruler of Seelie. Past that, he didn't care what Ruaidhri did, so long as he knew to fall in line when it was time to organize an engagement. That's the rule that Ruaidhri lived by his entire life-- do what you want, but when father says it's time to listen, then listen.

Ruaidhri asked only once about the person who gave birth to him, to which Seòras answered that she was a wandering fae who had no real interest in raising a child, not that Seòras himself particularly wanted to bother co-parenting with her. Nothing would come of marriage to a wandering fae, and he had his desired heir anyways. Ruaidhri doesn't think much about his mom though since his father was the only one who wanted the child and she'd made it clear she didn't want to become Ruaidhri's mother and raise him.

As for his father's largely there but still absent presence in his life, much like some of the other gentry, Ruaidhri wouldn't even think to label it as "neglect' or "absence". To him, it's just how things were, and he feels that he was done a better deal having his freedom as a youth than having his obviously disdainful father hovering over him every second.

...Oh the irony.

[xviruserrorx]

[Image Description: A black banner outlined in a red blood splatter with the text, Whumpmas In July 2023 in red text. Underneath is two separate strings of Christmas light with alternating yellow, red, and green bulbs]

-> Day 4 - "Share Whump Media"

Last year for @whumpmasinjuly-archive , I remember, this was one of the harder ones to do and I even started making a mental list a few days back so I had one for this... And now I can't remember it 😅. So to the best of my abilities, here is some good Whump Media I can think of right now! (Spoiler free!) (Also Here's Last Year's List)

Tv shows:

Dominion (Tv Show) - This show has so much good Whump! I mean every episode has something new happening and it makes twist that you don't even expect! Season 2 is when it really kicks up so I highly recommend it!

The Almighty Johnson's - This show is not whumpy at all really, it's a very funny show actually but like many of the other media's on this list, it has that angsty family dynamic as well as that one scene in Season 3 Episode 2 with Anders (if you know you know) but let's just say it really opened my mind of Whump with Anders.

White Collar - Not a whumpy show per say but Neal Caffrey (who is played by Matt Bomer might I add) tends to get himself into some crazy situations some of which are, being captured, shot in the leg, drugged (multiple times actually), deprived of oxygen, and a multitude of other things. It's a miracle he's still alive... Well... 😉 Anyways good show!

Thirteen - Not necessarily Whump also (I know, I know) but this show really opened my eyes to the concept of Stockholm Syndrome and it's really honestly fascinating. The actors are all amazing and the music is amazing as well and the story line is beautiful. It's quick watch and I really really recommend it.

Movies:

My heart Can't Beat Unless You Tell It Too - Let me be honest here these movies are all about cannibalism and children to some degree. This movie is so good and makes for a good Erie horror movie. As far as horror goes I can't really say if it's scary or anything because I was raised on horror movies and honestly I've become so numb to them so, proceed with caution on these.

The Dark - Girl meets boy, boy—yeah no. The boy was kidnapped and tortured before a girl comes along and eats the guy who did that to him. She then takes the boy along with her where they both support each other and become friend. It's actually quite an adorable movie that left me very sad at the end but such a good movie.

Let The Right One In - A swedish film based off of the book by the same name. This kinda has the same concept as the movie above and I love the ending of this one.

Let Me In - This is the American version of the movie above and while I recommend watching the original first, I still recommend this version too, because they are both really good.

Books:

I've re-read Call Me By Your Name about 4 or 5 times in the last year... So I can not give recs as I have not consumed any other books 😅

Manga/Anime:

I haven't done much watching/reading as of late (since 2020 I mean) and so this is based purely off of memory

Durarara - I might have listed this one last year, but teenaged me was obsessed with Izaya's character and at the end of the anime & light novel & manga, he ends up badly injured and it leaves you wondering about what happens to him, but then it picked up in another light novel called "A Sunset With Izaya Orihara" and my gosh I highly recommend it.

K project: Lost Small World - Aside from me sobbing when I read this (and again when I watched it) the character Saruhiko Fushimi does not have a good upbringing and it really touches on child neglect, child abuse (verbally, mentally, and I can't exactly remember but maybe physically) as well as how that affected him as he transitioned into adulthood. There is also a part where he is sick and Misaki Yata, his friend, takes care of him but at the same time it touches on how neglectful his parents truly are.

Mirai Nikki - I think I said this one last year but I remember watching this when it first aired and gosh it was so good and if memory serves me correctly Episode 25 was a good Whump episode (take my word with the tiniest grain of salt).

Fruits Basket (2001 [no not the new one] & Manga) - Odd addition to the list? Yes, but for 6 year old me when I read & watched this it was an awakening. Me being into Whump is probably because of this manga/anime. One, Yuki has bad asthma and they often bring that up in the series which makes for some really good worried/comfort scenes. And later on in the manga there is so much messed up stuff and I can't remember it well because it's been like 12+ years since I've read it but the manga is simply beautiful and holds a dear place in my heart.

Princess TuTu - Okay okay give me a second to explain! This anime takes the story of swan lake, the ugly duckling etc and gives them something more and Ah! These early 2000's/late 1990's anime's/manga's had a similar theme sometimes and it was a protagonist that is made to be the antagonist against their will and pretty much you didn't know who was who and they do that beautifully with Mytho, Rue, Fakir, and Ahiru. Also I always loved Mytho's and Fakir's relationship. This was one of the first animes I watched and like fruba, it holds a special place in my heart.

Sugar Sugar Rune - remember I was saying these lat 90's/early 2000's anime's had a theme? Well this is also in that theme and Pierre certainly fits that theme but in a different way than Mytho does. This anime and manga is very plot based so I won't say much but it's a good watch and read and constantly has you cheering on the characters but then something happens and yeah, highly recommend.

I feel like I gave a bunch of very fluffy media with little grains of Whump in them 😅. Nevertheless, all of these are good and do have some form of Whump in them and I really love all of these things!

~~~VirusError🌸

WIj 2022 Masterlist | WIj 2023 Masterlist [Prev <- • -> Next]

[bombingqueen]

1.03 Dead In The Water A.K.A Sins of the Father

Episode Rating 10/10

Monster of the Week : The Vengeful Spirit of Peter Sweeney

Road Map: Lake Manitoc, Wisconsin 2005

Favorite Quote: “Must be hard, with your sense of direction, never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.” - Andrea

Honorable Mention: “Kids are strong. You’d be surprised what they can deal with." - Dean

Song That Represents the Episode

Wow. Just Wow. I didn’t appreciate this episode when I first watched it but it is so freakin good. I have just so many feelings about this episode. The way the episode approaches trauma and loss whether it your own or someone else’s. Although, I did hate how Sam responded to Dean being concerned and vulnerable with a child:

Dean “… Lucas was really scared.”

Sam: “That’s what this is about?”

Dean: “I just don’t want to leave this town until I know the kid’s okay.”

Sam: “Who are you? And what have you down with my brother?"

This is the episode that made begin the Dean Winchester Protection Squad (DWPS). Sam…Sam…Sam. What can I say about Sam? Now he knows for a fact that Dean hated that he was terrified of the supernatural and did everything he could to protect him. Pretty sure every time Dean sees a traumatized child, he probably gets flashbacks to his own experience in their childhood. Like Sam, do you understand how much your brother loves you, how much he has had to sacrifice, and how much pain he has gone through to make sure your childhood was even remotely ‘stable.’ Like college boy, you probably would not have actually made it to Standford without Dean taking the brunt of John’s bullshit. Jesus Sam, it’s been two years, not a century. Give your brother a little credit. (Don’t tell me you are jealous of a child being coddled by Dean). The only thing I can think as to why he reacted the way he did is because the last 2 years before Standford, him and Dean must have been at odds.

Dean constantly trying to keep the peace between two stubborn dumbasses. Dean having to pick up the slack when Sam wouldn’t put in the effort; it probably caused a shit ton of friction between them. Sam probably saw it as a betrayal because it seemed like they were no longer a united front. Of course, he knows what Dean has done for him but those 2 years more than likely overrode some of those memories. Not one of Sam’s finest moments and one of the few times I will say that he was just being a dick. Sometimes I think that Sam wanted the ‘normal’ life so bad he started to separate and deny Dean the father and Dean the mother while latching on to Dean the brother. Affluent college kids aren’t gonna be all nice if they learned that he was a child raised by another child. Best to present a normal yet distant relationship so that he isn’t seen as freak (Sorry Sam. You can’t fix years of trauma and neglect under the care of another child).

Despite all of that, it makes interesting tv and helps elevate the episode even more. I was invested in the storyline and it made the characters feel more authentic. The Sam and Dean dynamic really felt like it had been finalized in this episode. Like they had the friction and vulnerability in the first two episodes but it was just so much more here. This episode is dear to me. I think the difference between how I feel about it now compared to years ago is due to the loss and trauma I have experienced myself.

Loss, Trauma, and Peter Sweeney

“Losing him – you know, it’s worse than dying.” – Ms. Sweeney

Outliving the life of a loved one, particularly children, is a recurring theme throughout the episode. That type of loss is devastating and the first thing a parent wants is often to take the place of their child. You become a shell of your former self. Because how do you move on from that? How do you rationalize the events that led to the loss of your child? That type of trauma can cause you to turn mean and bitter; it can make you feel hopeless and dejected. Peter Sweeney experienced a trauma that was incomprehensible. Peter was a young victim of violence that did not get justice because his abusers put themselves in a position of power to make sure that the truth was never discovered. Being so young, Peter may not have understood the concept of injustice but I’m sure he felt the ripples of his mother’s pain. And considering the years that he was left without justice, that terror he felt at the moment of his death had festered into rage. It made sense that he went on to escalate the situation and punish his abusers by taking away their loved ones.

The Winchester brothers have such an intimate relationship with loss and trauma that it honestly transcends grief itself. The reason I bring this up is because of Sam’s first death. Sam’s first death has such a unique consequence in regards to Dean’s subsequent behavior and attitude towards Sam in later seasons. Dean lost so much more than a brother that day. He lost a son and he also lost a part of his soul. Sam and Dean are soulmates and their bond often transcends that very concept; the bond that they share cannot be fit within the confines of an earthly definition of a relationship. It goes beyond brotherhood and it goes beyond love itself. To me, this episode is a prelude to how Dean will react after Sam’s first death because for Dean losing Sam was worse than dying and he was never the same again.

Social Work Sidenote: Dean did so much right when interacting with Lucas. He made sure to interact with Lucas on his level and at his pace. He was open and did not try to force Lucas to move past his trauma. He made sure that the kid would be emotionally safe with him and talked to him with compassion and understanding. This one of my favorite Dean episodes.

Now on to my favorite tidbits of the episode.

Andrea insulting Mr. Casanova (Dean)

Dean stopping at nothing to protect Lucas

Dean’s connection with Lucas and their bond over losing a parent and using their silence as a method to gain back their control

Dean encouraging Lucas to be brave and not telling him to man up

Dean putting Sam in his place at the restaurant

Dean protecting Lucas emotionally

Sam learning about Dean’s trauma during childhood

[nerves-nebula]

wait I legit thought that the rat dad figure being (?) in TMNT was extremely neglectful and that's why the four stick together because they essentially had to raise themselves alone while hiding from the rest of society?

Like that's why they're big on fighting/being strong is because they had to protect each other from whatever dangers might come and try getting rid of them all for being mutants and stuff.

Also thought they grew up in the sewers and had to climb out and steal a few things at night and that's why they dressed up as ninjas originally. So they could steal food/some supplies and like not die of starvation or whatever

(I have not seen any versions of the show and have only a vague understanding of TMNT. It sounds like it's ripe for dysfunctional family dynamics possibly??)

GHAGHAG OK SOOOO THE THING ISSSS THAT I HAVE A LOT OF OPINIONS ON SPLINTER and the nature of abuse/neglect in the tmnt franchise BUT

the thing is that there are a lot of versions of TMNT that I haven't seen, including any original/old versions or comics SO mind you that my opinions here are also mostly crafted through cultural osmosis, and some vague memories of comics/tv shows. the only tmnt show ive watched in its entirety has been the 2018 version (ROTTMNT).

THAT BEING SAID: I don't think its unfair to call most versions of splinter kind of bad parents. theres definitely versions of him that are barely parents at all, really more of a Master figure who teaches the turtles to fight and trains them, than like, a Dad. 2018 is prolly the most Dad like one (they even call him dad and pops and stuff)

the thing is that TMNT can be either incredibly lighthearted or really really angst-y. They do live in the sewers cause they can't usually live above ground with people, but this really ranges from "all humans hate and fear them and will attack them on sight" to "they just need to stay in the shadows and make sure they dont spook anybody" and sometimes it barely matters at all and people are just like "wow cool costumes guys"

and so in those lighthearted versions, while splinter might not be portrayed as a really cool great dad, he is usually a really cool great NINJA MASTER. so any kind of symptoms of neglect that could come from not being raised by PARENTS is usually forgotten/hand waved because who needs parents when you have your brothers??? COwabunGA lets go eat pizza :)

and thats FINE thats the tone they're going for its ok, even if logically it would be an emotional nightmare. this is a show about teenage mutant ninja turtles its ok to not be logical.

im actually not sure why they're ninjas, apart from Master Splinter training them to BE ninjas. though there are definitely versions where they're being hunted/seen as threats and that's why they need to Get Good at fighting.

so to recap: splinter isn't always portrayed as a good person or a good guardian, but usually the story doesn't really delve into that or frame it as abuse/neglect. sometimes he's "too harsh" or "too cold" but usually nothing deeper than that.

WHICH BRINGS US TO RISE OF THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES, the 2018 version that ive watched all of.

THE THING ABOUT ROTTMNT is that they made me uncomfortable by making jokes about splinter being a neglectful shitty dad, which i made a whole post about a while ago. and while they did make him a better dad LATER on it really really weirded me out how his neglect wasn't super focused on except for like. one or two episodes??

the thing is that splinter needs to be neglectful so that the boys can go out and have adventures and I GET THAT I REALLY DO as a storyteller some things just need to be hand-waved I GET IT. BUT. why draw attention to it if you dont plan on there being long term affects???

the only result seems to be that he Becomes a Better Dad but I can tell you first hand if my parents did a turn around like that it would NOT fix everything and I GUESS i'm just weirdly disappointed that they pointed out the neglect, made jokes about it, and then didn't reallyyyy go into it more. I mean im sure if I wanted to I could go into analysis mode and be like "well these character arcs could point to the ways neglect has effected them" but to be HONEST that'd probably be more me projecting than anything else.

AND LIKE. if they didn't want to discuss neglect why even bring it up???

and your point about it being a set up ripe for familial abuse/dysfunction is TRUE, but is also hardly ever the focus of the story. sure the stories focus on interpersonal issues, but its almost never framed through the lens of "these kids are being neglected" or "the reason they're having interpersonal issues because of the neglect they suffer" because well. that's just not very cowabunga. that's not very Kids Show. why not just have Raph and Leo fight over being the leader or again or something that's still a conflict but its less existentially draining.

and like MAYBE there's a version out there, some obscure comic run or something, that addresses all these issues and gives me the catharsis I crave BUT UNTIL THEN I will continue redrawing childhood memories of my shitty family superimposed onto TMNT characters.

SORRY for this huge, loosely jumbled together ramble but you activated my tmnt abuse/neglect fixation trap card

[the-violet-void]

y'know what, fuck it. time for some trauma dumping. big CW for child abuse, neglect, and self harm

I'm a victim of the terrible US adoption agency!

I was adopted at the age of three. I only have one memory of my time before being adopted, and it was a happy memory that admittedly has some really concerning connotations, but all I really have to go off was what people told me was reported to CPS and my biological mom denying all of it, so Idk I'll just leave this part of my past untouched for now. maybe it was a good idea to remove us, maybe it was total bullshit, either way there is no reason in hell I should have been given to the family I was given to

first of all, my two older siblings and I were promised that we wouldn't ever be separated, only for me to almost immediately be separated from them, and us put into two separate families in completely different cities

I don't know anything about how my siblings were raised, but they went back to our bio mom almost as soon as they each turned 18, so that doesn't bode well. also apparently their adoptive parents wouldn't let them see me more than like once or twice besides at the rare events where it was unavoidable, so yeah

onto the family I was adopted into

____

My adoptive dad has terrible anger issues. any little thing could set him off. like literally just stopping for a second, because whatever was on TV caught my eye while I was walking past while getting ready for school, was enough for him to yell at me. my mom would warn us when he was coming home from work that he was "in a bad mood" sometimes, which basically meant we better be on our absolute best behavior and not annoy him by telling him the joke I heard on TV earlier that day that I thought was really funny

frequently, he would hit me. his go to was slapping. mind you, not spanking (as bad as that is already). slapping. across the face. it got to a point where I developed a dread of getting out of bed in the morning, because the longer I hid on my top bunk, the longer I could stay away from him. I literally don't have a single memory of a school morning where I wasn't slapped around at some point. 9/10 I didn't even know why it was happening. he would never have a talk with me about why I was being punished, just kinda told me "you know what you did"

one day in like 5th or 6th grade I had enough and after he hit me, I hit him back and said "stop hitting me" and his response was to slap me the hardest he's ever done. I fell to my hands and knees, and after I got back up and walked away, my nose started gushing blood. he'll insist to this day that it was just that I was upset and it was cold outside (we were inside where it was reasonably comfortably warm) but I know for a fact that it was because he knocked something loose in there or something like that.

a girl at school noticed the clot in my nose and asked about it, and I told her what happened. she told an adult on my behalf (without me asking, btw). later that night my dad told me to explain to the principal the next day that it was "just spanking for discipline" and that he wasn't abusing me.

One day I was told to clean my adoptive brother and my shared bedroom, and I said "but that's his mess, why doesn't he have to clean it up? it's not fair" and he screamed at me, saying "you have ten seconds to get up there and get that room clean or I'm kicking your ass into next week, is that fair?" and, because I'm autistic and didn't realize it was a hypothetical, I said "no, it's not". he grabbed me by the collar, shoved my head in the nearby kitchen sink, and started blasting me in the face with the spray nozzle. he kept me down for what felt like forever, and I felt like I was drowning the entire time

when I got into high school, he stopped hitting me as often, but there was that one time my brother refused to clean up after his dog after it diarrhea-ed under my bed (for days on end, and I had to sleep right above it) and instead of making him or punishing him, my dad just told me to do it instead. I refused, and my dad shoved me against the closet door, knocking both it off its slider, and a lot of slats out, and then started pulling on my hair as hard as he could while pushing back on my body. I only got out because I managed to accidentally him in the face while I was flailing in pain and desperation, then ran to the bathroom and looked the door and hid until he calmed down. even after all of this I still had to clean it up myself

in adulthood, it doesn't happen a lot, but we get into fist fights sometimes. mostly now it's "just" verbal stuff, like making offhand comments about my weight (pretending he cares about my health when I call him out for it) for example. also even though the apartment we both lease (I hate this arrangement btw, but there's literally no other option for me rn) is equally under both our names, he insists that he is "king of the house" and that I'm "too autistic" to be in charge, when literally all I want is for us to treat each other as equals

btw I found out recently that in his mind, it's ok for a white person to say the N word (with a hard r and everything) as long as they weren't using it "against anyone" and that he wasn't "scared of a word". also he made a point to use the word as much as possible during that "discussion", with immaculate enunciation each time, far better than he was using for any other word of any sentence. I know this isn't abuse towards me, but I just want you to understand the kind of man I was given to. I will say though, I had asked him previously to try to help me de-escalate when our fights got too heated so they don't turn into fist fights anymore, and guess what he didn't do, and guess what happened

_____

on to my mom. as a kid she was my preferred parent. but that doesn't mean she was good.

she didn't slap me around, but she would spank me from time to time. this was rare, though there was the time she threatened to pull down my pants and slap me bare-ass naked in front of the entire store

her go to punishments was time-out, fair enough I guess, but she would leave me there way too long imo. honestly I think she would forget she put me there sometimes

there were plenty of times where she would tell me that we didn't have money for a seven dollar Bionicle set or a cheap Transformer or whatever, then add a new Coach purse to her collection a few days later

because of my autism, vegetables taste like poison to me. like, actual literal poison. I can't handle it at all. it makes me dry heave and everything. the bitterant on a Nintendo Switch cartridge is a sweet treat comparatively. I dreaded any time my mom made dinner because it would mean the potential of being given a seving of vegetables of some kind, and if that happened I was fucked, because she wouldn't let me get up until I finished them. she would do this in front of the extended family too, during holiday dinners, and berate me saying "look at all the other kids outside having fun, you could join them if you just eat your vegetables". there was one time I sat at the table until like 9 or 10 pm before she finally left me get up because I just couldn't bring myself to eat it. dinner was at like 5 or 6

when the whole bloody nose thing happened, she guilt tripped me by saying that if I ever told anyone about my dad's abuse again, that all us kids would be taken away, and (seemingly more important to her) that she would loose her job (she works with kids)

I only ever had friends over once in elementary school, for my birthday one year. unfortunately I spent most of that standing in a corner because I said a word that sounded vaguely like a cuss word or something I don't even know what it was about, but it was one of the most embarrassing days of my life. I finally build up the courage to invite friends over, and she does THIS!? yes of course I was made fun of for this at school

as I got older and started thinking for myself (and by that I mainly mean "coming out" as an athiest) she became a whole lot worse. she started finding any excuse to pick a fight with me, and would intentionally escalate me until my "anger issues" came out (in hindsight I know this was Ember coming out to try to defend me) just so she'd have an excuse to punish me by grounding me. she would especially target weekends where I had big plans with my girlfriend at the time.

Idk if this is abuse in some way, but one day I was watching a few episodes of The Addams Family with that girlfriend and I had my arm around her shoulder completely innocently and my mom sees us from the kitchen and pulls me in there and starts berating me for "sexualizing" my gf. I asked what the problem was, that I just had my hand on her shoulder like pretty much any couple does when they're watching something together and she was like "don't lie to me, I know where your hand was". note that this was all still well in earshot of the girlfriend. if I remember correctly we just kinda laughed it off and went back to watching our show

actually, that reminds me. she didn't want me and the girlfriend having sex, or showing physical affection of any kind really, because she didn't want any of the younger kids exposed to it. the sex part I totally get, but like kissing, hugging, and holding hands was too far as well. hell she would get antsy if we even sat on the same piece of furniture. wanna know how she would make sure we weren't having sex? she would send my younger brother to spy on us secretly and report to her if he ever caught us in the act. y'know, the younger brother she didn't want exposed to that sort of thing? to this day that gap in basic logic confounds me

there was this one time when I was just watching Netflix on my 3DS and my sister kinda stole the ability to watch Netflix from me on another device (my mom was only paying for one person to be able to use it at a time) so I let her watch an episode of her show before taking it back. my sister threw a fit over this, and my mom came in and got Ember and me so wound up that E threw a book (not even in anyones direction, and it landed harmlessly on the floor with nary a corner ruffled) and she called the police on me for it. her exact words to the dispatcher was "hello, I would like to press charges on my son..." I went into the kitchen and made her watch me self harm and told her straight up that she and my dad are the reason this happens. she looked at me dead in the eyes and said "I'm not the one holding the knife to your arm"

nowadays we have a sort of unspoken truce, though she refuses to accept that I'm trans or call me by my real name or use my pronouns because I'm autistic so according to her I don't know what I want from life (btw, remember when I said she worked with kids? it's in the mental health field, so by now that should terrify you)

______

they were both pretty neglectful. I mean I was fed, clothed (even though I didn't like any of the clothes) and never slept without a roof over my head, but they were emotionally neglectful (mainly I couldn't depend on them to help me when I was upset) and my ability to hold a conversation took a hit because they refused to show any interest in a conversation with me that lasted longer than like 30 seconds or whatever. to this day I still have it internalized that no one cares what I have to say and that I'm a nuisance to everyone around me. I also have a really hard time reaching out to people when I'm need help

I was the scapegoat of the family. any time one of the other kids did something wrong, and my parents weren't around to see it, I would be blamed immediately

when I started self harming in high school, instead of trying to help improve my life, or get to the bottom of why I was doing it, or anything like that, they punished me. I'm pretty sure I was grounded, and they definitely went through my room and took away anything metal, even if it wasn't even sharp at all

one day after moving out I was visiting my parents' house and I saw a notepad back and forth between my fellow adopted sibling and one of my parents, I don't know which one. it was something about them wanting him to do a chore and him not wanting to do it because he felt like shit that day or something. this went back and forth for a few pages until whichever parent it was said "we adopted you. you are our property. you will do what we say". so yeah mask off there, huh?

____

I spent most of my childhood hiding in my room playing video games. they became an escape, as well as a way to stay out of my parents' way

I have flashbacks to my dad's abuse frequently. sometimes I'll be so wrapped up in intrusive thoughts playing through my mom's arguments that I'll find myself responding to "her" verbally.

like I mentioned before I have a really hard time believing anyone cares about me

no joke I looked up a symptoms list of CPTSD like a month ago and I found I could tick off every single thing on the list that came up. I talked to my psychiatrist about it, hoping I could get a diagnosis (over time of course, I wasn't expecting it right away), but she kinda dismissed me and told me that I had to talk to a therapist about it, so yeah.

at this point literally all I want is a reasonably comfortable quiet life, maybe sharing a place with a partner or a few, and never having to look at or talk to my adoptive family again. I honestly don't know if I can start healing and bettering myself in any major ways until then

[may--all-your--bacon--burn]

some kids don't have the poster board, construction paper, or markers at home. some kids have bed stains and moldy bread. some kids have even less than that.

some kids have snacks, food, and basic good nutrition. some kids don't even know what "homelessness" is until they are teens. some kids get locked in their room and told be silent and to not come out if they want to live. some kids choose what they do and are empowered and supported to do it, even if that is just bike riding to a friend's house or watching a TV show after homework is done.

some kids aren't lazy, some kids don't do the homework because from the moment they get home to the moment they are sent to bed - they are running from their hateful father or consoling a traumatized, crying, mother - with no clue why everybody is so angry and violent here and not at school.

some kids come to school with incredibly detailed, homemade diaramas because their parents made sure they had supplies, helped them, or even did the hard parts of the project. some kids tested best in the class on content covered in the class but failed the class because their dad destroyed their projects or their mom cried and screamed when the kid asked if they afford to go buy school supplies so the kid just stopped asking.

some kids walk around hungry, sad, and tired. And teachers who are already responsible for so much, couldn't possible know when or why their students are failing.

still.

If you're a teacher:

I was the silent kid, the one in the back who paid attention, didn't talk, and never raised my hand. I consistently tested highest in the class on anything covered in the class. However, I was considered a problem student because I consistently got zeros on projects and homework.

Teachers who provided scissors, magazines, glue, and gave in class time to accomplish school tasks - you gave me hope and a lifeline.

Teachers who kept tampons, pads, and pain killers in their classrooms (regardless of their gender) for students like me, who's parents couldn't be bothered? You saved me my ONLY pair of jeans (my ratty, 3 year old, hand me down from my older sister jeans). Thank you, with every fiber of my being, thank you. Blood stains are particularly tough on old fabric.

Teachers who kept snacks and things around for students they knew weren't getting enough at home - you have saved lives and gave kids like me some ability to grow and learn and make it through the worst times of neglect.

You do so so much already and I know how much more doing these things must've cost you.

Trust me, every kid like me rested more easy the moment a teacher said in time class was going to be given for homework. I remember visibly relaxing when a project was assigned and the teacher was providing glue sticks, scissors, construction paper, newspapers, magazines, markers - everything we would need to get it done. This was so rare and it meant so much to be in at least one situation where I wasn't set up for failure.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. The kindness of intentional teachers kept me alive, in so many ways. Thank you.

Along the way it occured to only a small handful of people to roll up my long sleeves and check my arms for bruises. It didn't occur to anybody that the reason I didn't like running in P.E. was because my shoes were 2-3 sizes too small and it hurt to walk, let alone do sports. Nobody thought to ask why I didn't do the outside work - i just got labelled a problem and then quit trying to ask for help or understanding - it just was what it was.

And to the school nurse at my high school who finally figured it all out and helped me me get out - I owe you my life - truly.

It's true, that quote we all hear at some point in our lives,"you can't know what anybody else is going through"

Please, try not to assume what anyone is going through or why they're doing something - ask questions, and if nothing else - try to be kind if you can. Especially, when it comes to kids. We all only know what we know, and none of choose to be born.

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

My Loneliness is Killin' Me

I must confess I've never actually been a Britney Spears fan, but I'm glad she's out of conservatorship and that's still a catchy tune.

For serious, that line has been stuck lingering in my head for about a week now thinking about where I can still go and what I can still do because of affection starvation. Buckle up if you're gonna read this, because it's probably going to be a long, rambly one. (Again).

I started rewatching Pushing Daisies a couple weeks ago with a dear friend who's never seen it (at a distance...like all of my dear friends except for J, even the ones I grew up with, she's 200+ miles away from me now). I mean, I couldn't let another moment pass without introducing my friend to Ned the Pie Maker (Lee Pace, sans elf costuming, circa 2007-9ish...I mean fucking look at him).

I told her, truthfully, that Ned the Pie Maker is probably the fictional character (other than obviously Egon Spengler) that I've had the biggest romantic-fantasy sort of crush on. I mean it's hardcore. It's worse than George Bailey. It's worse than Dwayne Wayne. It's worse than Chris Stevens from Northern Exposure. Clearly I have a thing for tall, soft-spoken, shy/awkward nerds. And I've watched Pushing Daisies all the way through about 5 times (this is time number 6; and it's short, 2 short seasons for American TV because until he started writing about a serial killer, American TV didn't appreciate Bryan Fuller at all). But I haven't watched it since I turned 35. This is my first watch since I began exploring and trying to understand my own trauma history. This watch is showing me why I like the show and Ned so much (beyond the witty writing and the bright colorful styling and cinematography and the fact that Lee Pace is smoking hot).

Not to spoil the show for people who've never seen it, but it's a romantic comedy with happy, optimistic, hopeful overtones but a really sad, complicated, dark underbelly. Ned has a superpower. He can bring dead things back to life (with obvious, serious caveats and consequences, of course...every superpower has these) by touching them. Once. If he touches them twice, dead forever (there's another rule, but I won't spoil that one because I don't need to in order to get this shit out, in case anyone else wants to give the show a try). Before he knew the rules of the game, he saved his dog, and then his mother, the beings who loved him the most (his dad was distant and kind of a neglectful asshole). But he only gets Mom back for a couple of hours, because she tucks him into bed and kisses him goodnight (second touch...dead forever). He tries to use his gift with compassion and responsibility through a childhood of basically raising himself and being unable to snuggle his own dog. And then, as a man, who just makes pies, he sees that his childhood best friend/first kiss has died. And he touches her once, ostensibly to say goodbye, but he just can't bring himself to touch her again...because he loves her so much. So it's a touchless love story; a love story full of inconvenience and longing; an ABNORMAL love story that required a lot of adaptation and patience.

(not touching ^^^)

And I love that (and I love Ned) because he decided she was WORTH that patience and adaptation. After spending a lifetime being lonely and disconnected, maintaining an important, real connection comes with sort of this 'whatever it takes' attitude. I have that. When I make a connection. And sometimes that's good. When it's reciprocated (like it is with J and A, and like Ned has). And sometimes that leads me to getting used by shitty people. Because they made me believe the connection was real with all this seeming patience and adaptation; validating me, and I believe it because even if it's a lie, I'm lonely and affection starved and I want to believe it.

And so a couple nights ago we watched an episode featuring a main supporting character, Olive. Her parents ignored her as a kid. To the point that they didn't notice she was missing for days. Olive had stowed away with two criminals, who were kind to her and paid attention to her, and she grew to love them over the two days she was away from 'home,' because they genuinely liked her and cared about her. In the show, obviously, the robbers are really the good guys, because they were kind to Olive, but in MY actual life, I've thought of how many truly shitty people I've connected to out of loneliness. I've been having nightmares about the last one I connected to lately. And I've been thinking about how I definitely could and probably will connect to some other shitty person because as awesome as J is (he's actually quite similar to Ned the Pie Maker in many ways...he just can't bake a pie...), I'm still often pretty lonely. J can't be with me all the time. Clearly. It's not his responsibility to rid me of loneliness...even if it were possible for him alone to undo 25 years of drought before we met. I hope the next connection I feel is a Ned (or an Olive or an Emerson or a Chuck), because when I feel it, I'll put my 'whatever it takes' attitude and effort into maintaining it. Even if they're a criminal. Because the criminals in real life rarely have hearts of gold like they do on Pushing Daisies.

[jodilinbio]

In 1978, we moved from the newer side of Longmeadow to the older section. Although the house was much older, it was bigger and I liked it a lot better. It didn’t have much of a back or front yard, but that was okay since I was well past the days of playing outside on swings and in makeshift forts and tents. Besides, there weren’t any woods nearby anyway. All there was in the back was a hedge separating a small patch of grass from a small brick terrace. The front yard was similarly sparse. My dad could ditch his sit-down mower for a push-mower and leave the mowing to me. I didn’t mind; it was pretty much all I ever had for chores besides laundry, and keeping my own space neat and clean. I didn’t do any cooking—my only kitchen tasks were to set the table, clear it off afterward, load the dishwasher, and then empty it.

I received a weekly allowance of $10, which I’d spend on cigarettes. A carton of cigarettes cost around $5 when I started smoking and ended up being over $20 when I finally quit eighteen years later.

Unlike our first house, which was on a dead-end road, this house was on the corner of a busier street. It was also a two-story house with four bedrooms. My stereo and guinea pigs were set up in one part of the cellar where I’d hang out a lot.

When Nana Bella first came to live with us at the first house, she’d snitch on me for every little thing. But once she saw how my mom could be at times, she started feeling sorry for me, and we became closer. She even kept her mouth shut when I’d smoke. “Just don’t burn the house down,” she’d tell me.

She passed away when I was away from home as a ward of the state at seventeen. Both of my maternal grandparents died two years later.

As of 2002, if I had to pick a time in my life that was the worst, I’d say my teenage years were definitely it. This was when my mother began running out of patience with me, and her sending me off to other places escalated. Sometimes those places were even worse than being with her. I truly believe my mother never wanted kids in the first place; she only had them because it was expected in those days.

As a hyper child with wild dreams of becoming a rich and famous singer, I was more than getting on my parents’ nerves. They started ignoring me more, becoming increasingly engrossed in TV and outings with friends. I felt neglected, and my mother’s control and ridicule increased. It seemed I could do nothing right, and as my optimism and confidence faded, my early teens were when I first had thoughts of suicide.

I took an overdose of sleeping pills, but it only made me drowsy. I began cutting myself regularly. I wasn’t doing it to die; I was channeling and venting my frustrations, depression, and growing anger. No one influenced me to do this. I never saw it on TV or heard anyone talk about it. In fact, I didn’t know anyone else in the world had ever cut themselves at this time.

Although I was raised Jewish, we rarely went to the temple. Religion wasn’t a regular part of our lives, which was fine with me since I found religion too structured and often bigoted.

Between the ages of twelve and fourteen, I was walking down the street next to ours on a crisp fall day when a middle-aged woman raking leaves in her front yard said, “Oh, what a cute sweatshirt.”

I looked down at my Mickey Mouse sweatshirt and said, “Thanks.”

Noticing my ear, she asked about it. After I told her about it, she mentioned that she had a deaf son and invited me to meet him. So I did.

Jeff was a dark, lanky boy a year older than me with the same birthday. He knew sign language well. At the time, I only knew how to fingerspell the alphabet. Jeff taught me many words. I’d write down the words I wanted to know and he’d show me the signs for them.

I also began teaching myself Spanish using books and records as I knew no Hispanic people to help me. There were no Hispanics I knew of in Longmeadow at the time. The only Hispanic people I had met were a family from Venezuela at Boston’s Massachusetts General Hospital when I had one of my ear surgeries.

I had never even seen a Black person until I was around ten or a little older. I called the Black section of the city “Dark Land” whenever we drove through it.

I also dabbled in French and shorthand.

Although Jeff and I spent a lot of time together, neither of us was interested in each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. For him, it could have been for any reason. For me, it was because I was mostly attracted to women, though I didn’t understand that yet. I was simply attracted to women more than men; I didn’t question it, whether it was my attraction to someone I’d seen or to singer Linda Ronstadt, one of my favorites, or actress Kate Jackson.

The summer of 1980, when I was fourteen, was not very enjoyable. Instead of being at the beach, my parents were traveling daily to sell eyeglass frames to optometrists. Having just been kicked out of camp, my mother, not ready for me to come home and disrupt her peace, dropped me off in Connecticut at the campground where Uncle Marty and Aunt Ruth spent their summers.

Although I could take my guitar and new guinea pig with me, I was not a “happy camper.” My only good memories from that time were going water-skiing on the lake and diving from a cliff that was fifteen to twenty feet high. It was scary at first, but a lot of fun once I took the plunge.

Marty and Ruth stayed in a trailer while I stayed in a small outdoor tent. I didn’t mind the tent, but I did mind my uncle and my spineless aunt, who went along with his domineering ways. Even so, she was the one who hit me that summer, not him. She slapped me across the face. I’m not sure if it was for bumming smokes off others or for the boy who came into my tent, whom they thought I invited.

This boy entered the tent one early evening when I least expected it. He sat on my cot next to me as I held my guinea pig on my lap.

“What do you think you’re doing?” I asked him.

Saying nothing, he pulled my mouth toward his. Before his lips could touch mine, I heard, “Jodi, who’s in the tent?”

It was Aunt Ruth. Both of us emerged from the tent, but before I could explain, she had already made up her mind about what had happened.

“Get in the trailer!” she demanded, where I spent the night.

Shortly after this incident, my father came to get me. Before we left, he, Marty, and Ruth openly discussed my “problems” as if I weren’t even there.

[love-death-and-crisis]

1: the abuse

CW: descriptions of child abuse. These are moderately detailed but not graphic. Detailed descriptions of suicidal ideation.

context

I was raised mormon under two abusive parents. My mom is a remorseless monster. She beat me and verbally bullied me and took every opportunity to scare me with things like scissors. She hid this from my dad and staunchly denied all of my attempts to call her out on her horrible behavior. I watched her beat my younger siblings and then hide the broken instrument in the trash. She gaslit me hard.

My dad was neglectful, and even though he was passive he was truly complicit in my mother's abuse. He lived in denial that anything could be wrong with his perfect family. He was usually away from home, a workaholic that volunteered far too much of his time with the church, and when he was home he was entirely emotionally unavailable. The only memories I have of him are an awkward sex talk that truly conveyed zero actual information and his dreaded "hey, I need to talk to you" chats wherein he would tell me I wasn't doing enough at church or piano or youth group or whatever. The only thing I learned from him is that I wasn't allowed to rest or feel any form of joy.

Things got really bad around the age of 12-13. I remember very little from this time, but I know I was being viciously bullied in middle school and I definitely wasn't safe at home either. I remember one day feeling so oppressively hopeless that I was unable to hold back my tears. Feeling unsafe, I hurried to take the dog for a walk as an excuse to leave home. I could barely leave the house before the tears started streaming silently down my face. I couldn't get away fast enough. I made it about half way around the block when I sat down (collapsed, really) on the curb of a busy street. I was full-on sobbing at this point. I vividly remember watching each car go past and telling myself "okay... jump NOW... wait... THIS ONE GO...." I don't know if I would have actually attempted, a neighbor found me, called my parents, and my mom quickly found me and dragged me home. I remember feeling totally defeated and trapped.

Around this time, a teacher noticed how readily I accepted vicious bullying at the hands of the other kids and she sat me down to ask if everything was okay at home. I started weeping, and awkwardly tried to explain, but all I could muster was a whimpering "my parents are really mean". Despite my pleas to leave me alone, keening that if my mom found out things would only get worse, she did the right thing and reported the abuse. CPS showed up at my house, but my parents used their white middle-class charm to turn them away. The rest of the night was spent with my mom yelling at me for lying and trying to tear the family apart while my dad sat silently and listened. I frequently think of that night. I wish I had been turned over to foster care, as rough as that experience is I am sure that it would have been better than living under my parents' control.

I still weep regularly when I imagine how different my life could have been if CPS had succeeded in getting me out that day.

the control

My parents worked hard to keep me and my siblings under their control. We weren't allowed to consume much media at all. My parents only had a desktop family computer that was password protected and heavily monitored. We were really only allowed to watch G and PG vhs films, mostly disney. When I eventually got an ipod and some cheap pharmacy earbuds, she would frequently bitch at me to "take those off". I eventually realized that she didn't like the privacy I had discovered in being able to listen to something through headphones. She resisted cartoons, even things as tame as spongebob. Me and my siblings ended up watching a lot of children's TV through our teenage years because it was the only thing that wouldn't send our mom into a fit. We had a bit more freedom with books, but I got a stern talking to when my high school was reading catcher in the rye about how it would corrupt my spirit or whatever. My parents talked with the teacher and got me excused from that assignment.

I did get a flip phone in 7th or 8th grade (I paid for my own plan for a few years, and then my mom finally caved and started paying for me and my siblings to all have simple slide phones so that she could keep contact with us when we were out). My dad would read through my phone and frequently confront me about who I was texting, or why I had deleted all my texts. We fought many times when I insisted that my memory was full and I had to delete them and he insisted that I was avoiding his surveillance. It didn't help that I am amab and the only people I was really friends with were girls. (turns out I'm trans lmao) mormons aren't allowed to date until they're 16 and my dad's narrow definition of "date" really meant "hang out in a group when someone of the opposite sex is present". So he really discouraged me from forming any real close relationships.

The one refuge was a first generation ipod touch I bought during high school. The thing was old when I got it and it was so fucking slow, but it was a window to the outside world. I discovered reddit and facebook and porn. I started talking to people outside the cult. My parents tried to police that too, and set strict rules, but it was fairly easy to wait until they went to sleep and then sneak away to my room. I love that little ipod, I wish I still had it. It was a huge refuge for me.

anyways

I was taught from a young age that violence is love and that through lying I could get away with almost anything. I also got really good at hide and go seek. I still don't remember much of my childhood, but every year I spend away from my parents I discover new horrible memories of suffering inflicted at their hands that my body blocked out to keep me alive.

I hope i'm not forgetting anything big. Honestly this post can never be fully complete, and I just hope I can write and share more about my trauma in the future.

[kinniemikey]

I don't think you entirely get the point :,>

You gotta re-read what was written in the first post, they quiet literally said that they love the show and pointed out stuff that makes sense.

They also said that Splinter being messed up is the point because it's already bad that he sends his sons to go kill his enemies ect and he meant all Splinter's with this not just 2012 Splinter, which includes Rise Splinter, he literally done train his sons to become 'better' Ninja's and almost stripped away their personality with this because this is what he learned from his Hamato Clan and that's definitely one reason why he hates his clan, which makes him a very irresponsible role model aka why Rise Leo acts the closest to Splinter, especially with the irresponsibility.

If you put the past of Rise Splinter as a teen next to the movie Rise Leo, you instantly see how much they mirror each other, it's one reason why Splinter in a way does not like Leo, making Leo feel like he's the least favorite of his brothers to Splinter.

Let's look at the past, Rise Splinter is emotions wise more there with the turtles compared to Splinter 2012 because this is how he was raised by his single mom, the dad was not shown at all, he had no relevancy.

He took care of them, if they were hurt and didn't shy away to be affectionate.

However, he does struggle with depression the same way 2012 Splinter does but in different ways and Rise Splinter gives way too much freedom to his kids to the point it started to get neglectful to the extreme.

He literally just gave them the name 'Purple', 'Red', 'Green', there is a high chance the turtles were allowed to pick their own names aka have their own freedom to do what they please and Splinter always forgot, what names they picked because of this and riles back with the 'Purple' name instead.

His kids have to get to him, he is not the one engaging as much.

He is busy watching a lot of TV and going to sleep. Eventually he thought 'You know, my kids are teens now, they can figure things out on their own' because that's what Rise Splinter did in the past. He had no parental figure and made his own experience, it's not helping that he always thinks that his kids will just stay in the sewers and never go out. Basically he doesn't have to look out too much for them because he's right there and if his kids wants to spend time with him he joins or if someone gets hurt, he instantly comes to aid, else he doesn't do much with his kids because he wants them to have their own freedom.

I mean just look at the mess here with Donnie, he takes care of him but...he didn't question what Donnie was doing here, showing us this neglect started pretty early on.

The Rise Turtles figured, how to treat each other because Splinter is the reason for this, not in a positive way per se.

They crave affection and validation, they want to spend time with Splinter, they want to be treated with love from their dad but since Splinter didn't do that and only got to them, when they engaged with him.

They gave each other this treatment instead because they didn't get it from Splinter, it's why Mikey compared to 2012 Mikey is treated with much more care from each of his brothers in different ways.

Now to 2012 Splinter, obviously he still cares for his sons like any Splinter but prior doesn't have a good role model to begin with. when it comes to taking care of children, this is what the originally post was talking about and it did a good job pointing out Splinter's flaws.

2012 Splinter IS very loyal to his clan, he takes the responsibility not really for his kids but for his clan instead aka holds his tradition close to his heart and thinks this is the way to raise kids, that's a different extreme with him compared to Rise Splinter.

Splinter without a doubt has raised his kids more like Ninja's, he even told Leo to leave injured back to get to safety aka told him to leave his brother back, if they badly get injured to get back to safety. (If I remember correctly)

That's literally Ninja talk, he did not consider the fact that Leo is a minor and how badly this line alone will affect Leo mentally moving forward.

Rise Splinter as I said before is no good either for Rise Leo, he literally made him feel like his least favorite, this is what the original post meant with 'The Splinter in every iteration are messed up in their own ways' yes, Rise Splinter is messed up too, the reason why he might be more liked, is the fact that he attempted to be a better dad, after the 'Turtle-dega Nights: The Ballad of Rat Man' episode.

the oleeeeeee chip on the shoulder certain 12 fans have where if you say "12 splinter has physically and emotionally abusive tendencies and his sons arent mentally ok and heres my essay about why" they hit you back with "YEAH BUT WHAT ABOUT RIIIIIIISE SPLINTER HUH?!" and its like.

yeah i mean. no one was talking about him. but like. yeah. hes not great. hes neglectful and the show admits this fact VERY openly, and then lets him turn himself around later. hes never the best but he doesnt need to be cuz the show has already TOLD us hes not doing the best for his sons. and that that's why they get into trouble with outside authority figures ALL THE TIME! they seek out better ones! the show makes this SO OBVIOUS! rise as a show is all ABOUT the interpersonal connections between its family. it shows us constantly why they're like that and lets its own splinter apologize multiple times for it. the show never asks you to respect his authority it constantly asks you to question him! which you should! cuz he's not doing a good job!!!

so why are you so mad? why is that the gotcha?

idk seems like you dont actually care about if a character is or isnt abusive at all. it seems like youre just mad that the 2012 show should have handled it better. its childish. its rude.