#it's okay i can fix him (by making him worse)
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uhhlifeig · 2 days ago
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The Dorm Room - Nov. 23 - word count: 666 - @wolfstarmicrofic
Sirius Black sat on the edge of his bed, gripping the frame so hard his knuckles ached. 
Across the room, Remus stood by the window, stiff and unmoving, his back turned. James paced furiously, his footsteps heavy, while Peter hovered uncertainly, wringing his hands.
The oldest boy felt like he couldn’t breathe.
“Do you even understand what you’ve done?” The werewolf’s voice was low, sharp, and sudden- worse than if he’d screamed. 
“I- I wasn’t thinking,” he managed, voice cracking.
“No,” Remus snapped, spinning around to face him. His amber eyes burned with anger. “You weren’t. Because you never think, Sirius. You just act, and everyone else has to deal with the fallout.”
Sirius opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He tried again, his voice trembling. “I didn’t mean for it to-”
“To what?” The dirty blonde cut him off, taking a step closer. “To almost get Snape killed? To put me at risk? What exactly didn’t you mean, Sirius?”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he whispered, his voice so quiet it was almost lost in the room.
James stopped pacing, turning to glare at him. “Hurt him? You didn’t just hurt him, you betrayed him!”
“I know, I know,” Sirius said, his words tumbling out too fast. “I wasn’t thinking- I was just so angry at Snape, and-”
“Don’t,” Remus interrupted, his voice icy. “Don’t you dare try to justify this.”
“I’m not! I’m not trying to justify it, I just- I don’t know what I was thinking. I wasn’t thinking, and I-” He swallowed hard, his throat tight. “I’m sorry.”
The other boy’s laugh was sharp and bitter. “Sorry? Sorry doesn’t fix this. Sorry doesn’t erase what you did.”
“I’ll do anything. I’ll make it right. Just tell me what to do, Moony. Please.”
“What to do?” Remus repeated, his voice rising. “First, don’t call me that. You don’t deserve to. Second, how about you stop acting like this isn’t who you are?”
Sirius froze, his heart plummeting. “What does that mean?”
“It means you’re no different from your family,” The werewolf spat, his voice filled with venom.
The words hit Sirius like a physical blow, knocking the air from his lungs. “I’m not like them.” 
He was trying to convince himself. How pathetic was that?
“Aren’t you? Lashing out, hurting people, thinking the rules don’t apply to you. That’s exactly what they do, isn’t it?”
“I’m not like them,” the noiret repeated, voice wavering.
“Stop saying that,” Remus snapped. “You don’t get to act like you’re better than them when you pull something like this. You don’t get to pretend.”
“I’m not pretending!” Sirius shouted, his voice cracking. “I’m not like them. I’m not.” He whispered the second part to himself, wrapping his arms around his torso.
Remus shook his head, turning away. “You are. They would be proud of you, Heir Black. We're over.”
Sirius staggered back, his legs hitting the bed. He sat down heavily, his chest heaving as he fought to catch his breath.
“You don’t get to play the victim here,” James said out of nowhere, his voice sharp.
“I’m not.” the dog animagus said. He looked at Peter, who avoided his gaze, and then back at his ex-lover. “I just- I messed up, okay? I know I messed up, but I’m not like them.”
“You are,” Remus said again, without turning around.
Sirius felt his chest tighten, mind spiraling. 
He hated himself. Of course he did.
He hated the way he always ruined things, the way his anger always got the better of him. Hated the way his ex-boyfriend looked at him now, like he was nothing to him.
“I’ll go,” the oldest boy said suddenly, voice hollow.
Remus didn’t respond.
The silence stretched on, suffocating, until Sirius finally stood and stumbled toward the door. He didn’t know where he was going- he just knew he couldn’t stay there any longer.
“Good riddance,” he heard from his ex-best-friend as the door closed. “I hope he suffers.”
pt. 2, pt. 3
@estellethewriter sorry i havent fed you in a while but you can have a Prank fic as payment!
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autumnscribbles · 51 minutes ago
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take care of you | rc
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pairing: mommyissues!rafe x pogue!reader
summary: after a heated argument with ward, rafe seeks comfort from the only woman in his life who’s ever stayed
warnings: wee bit of theorizing about mama cameron (death)
wc: 1.8k
a/n: hey friends!! thank you to the anon that sent this request in!! i love me a soft rafe moment who just needs to be held🥹 enjoy!! feel free to send me more angsty/soft rafe i love it!!!
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅ ⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅ ⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘
Rafe slammed the truck door shut behind him, twisting his key into the ignition. Ward stood in the doorway ahead of him, his mouth moving but his words unheard. Rafe stopped listening to him even before he decided to leave. He couldn’t listen to it anymore. The rain pelted the windowsill, overpowering the pounding sound of his accelerated heartbeat. He pulled out of the driveway, no destination in mind. He just had to leave.
As he drove, his headlights broke through the rain ahead, illuminating the pitch black road. His breathing was still heavy, trying to ignore his fight with Ward. They weren’t exactly few and far between, but this one had escalated particularly badly. He replayed it over and over, on the verge of screaming just to make it stop.
He didn’t know why he tried to hard to impress Ward, or to get his validation. Everyone is his life left in one way or another. Whether it was on their own terms, or they were taken. He clung to Ward and the fact that just maybe, he would stick around. Be proud of him. In the end, everyone gave up on him. Everyone screwed him over.
Except maybe one person.
When Rafe first met you, he didn’t like you. He never thought he could be friends with a pogue, let alone be with one romantically. You had too much confidence for someone who didn’t have very much. He admit, he thought less of you. He judged you about things that didn’t truly matter. Eventually, he began to find you endearing. You didn’t need boats, a big house, designer clothes, or anything material to be happy. You knew who you were, and he admired that.
You understood him in ways no kook ever had, and probably more than any kook ever will. You knew hardship, and you saw through his bravado. You could tell deep down, he was in pain. No money could fix what was truly happening inside. All the other kooks were shallow. Never having any conversations with substance, just rambling about bullshit. Rafe never really fit in with any of them. He pretended to be friends with most of them, to keep up appearances and his reputation. At the end of the day, he knew none of them truly cared about him. Even worse, he knew they would mock him if they knew he was with you.
Without realizing, Rafe ended up pulling into your driveway. Through the still pouring rain, he could barely see your house. All the lights were off, including the porch light. Were you home? He didn’t even know. As his mind reeled, he automatically drove here. He wanted to see you. Wanted your comfort. Before you, he hadn’t had that in a long time. Since his mom…no one had ever been there for him. No one to tell him things would be okay, no one to comfort him, or hold him. He craved it.
He hopped out of the car, jogging through the rain to your front door. He rapped his knuckles, hoping you would appear on the other side. He saw a light turn on inside, and exhaled a sigh of relief.
You opened the door, met with a dripping wet and sad looking Rafe on the other side. You were surprised to see him. You had some distance from each other recently, since Rafe told you that his friends couldn’t know about your relationship. You pulled back as he continued to hang out with them, unsure how to move forward.
Seeing him here made your heart sink. He pouted as his blue eyes bore into yours, sadness overcoming his entire expression.
“Can I come in?” he asked. “Please.”
“Of course,” you muttered. You stepped aside, letting Rafe into your empty house.
He crossed the threshold, a shiver coming over his body at the sudden change of temperature. His wet clothes left him cold, making the warmth of your house even more shocking to his system. He wiped at his face in attempt to dry it.
“Are you cold?” you asked gently. “Here let me go get you some clothes and a blanket.”
You walked away for a moment, leaving Rafe standing in your doorway. You gathered a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie that belonged to your brother. He wasn’t here, he wouldn’t mind. You snatched your fuzzy blanket from your bed, scurrying back to where Rafe stood waiting. You passed him the clothes, offering him to go change.
As he took his time, you put a kettle of water on the stove. Opening your white cabinets, you rummaged through the various flavours of tea you had. You settled on chamomile. You knew Rafe liked it, even though he would never admit it to literally anyone else. You grabbed 2 mugs and placed the tea bags inside as the kettle began whistling.
You took the two steaming mugs out to the coffee table, where Rafe sat on the couch, waiting for you.
“Here,” you muttered, handing him the mug. You grabbed the blanket, placing it across his lap. “That should warm you up.”
“Thank you,” he said softly, gentle eyes looking up at you.
You sat down beside him, tucking your legs up on the couch. You both sat in silence for a moment, sipping your tea. He let out a small sigh after his first sip, a little smile tugging at his lips.
“My favorite,” he whispered. You responded with a nod.
“You take such good care of me,” he said, breaking the silence more. “I don’t deserve it.”
“Rafe,” you sighed.
He shook his head, not wanting you to deny the truth. He didn’t want you to tell him that he deserved it when he knew it wasn’t true. You were consistently there for him, exuding a kindness he’d never felt. Yet what did he do in return? Essentially tell you he’s embarrassed about your relationship. It was ridiculous, and you shouldn’t be nice to him.
“Come here,” you whispered, opening your arms to him.
His eyes welled up with tears, and he leaned over, resting his head on your lap. You tugged the blanket up slightly higher, covering his torso. You ran your hands through his hair and down his back, feeling the tension release from his body.
Unexpectedly, the tears continued to fall harder. Rafe’s breath caught in his throat as he heaved out a sob.
“You’re okay,” you cooed. “I’m here.”
He let out all the emotions he had been trained to hold back. Grown men didn’t cry. Strong men didn’t cry. This is what he was told over and over. No one ever let him express himself freely, or show vulnerability. For some reason, he felt safe to show it around you. Confident that you didn’t judge him, or view him as weak.
He didn’t realize how much he was craving to just be held. To have his hair played with, his back scratched. To be told it’s okay. He couldn’t remember a time when someone treated him so gently. He wondered if his mom was the last person who truly took care of him. Now, he felt responsible to take care of people around him most of the time.
“Talk to me,” you said. “What happened?”
“My dad,” he blurted out. He rubbed the tears from his eyes, taking a deep breath as he tried to compose himself. “We got into a fight, as always. I accused him of…of killing my mom.”
“What?” you asked, unable to hide the shock in your voice. “Do you really think…”
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I was too young, but sometimes what he says just doesn’t add up. Doesn’t matter anyway, not like anything would happen to him.”
You nodded silently, knowing he was right. Even if Ward had killed her, no justice would be had. You knew Rafe grappled with the loss of his mom. Rose wasn’t exactly a replacement. She was cold, unkind. Rafe was in a constant battle with Ward. Trying to impress him, get his validation. Rafe grew up wanting his dad’s success, but most of all he just wanted his love. His acceptance. He didn’t think he would ever have a real family. That possibility only came into view when he met you.
“I’m so sorry, Rafe,” you consoled him. “I know how tense things can get with your dad. My arms are always open if you need a break, or need to talk.”
He sat up from your lap, facing you. His eyes were bloodshot from his previous tears. His usually hard features had softened, his eyes still carrying a deep sadness that you knew you couldn’t fix.
“I’m going to tell everyone we’re together,” he told you. “You’re…you’re perfect. You don’t deserve to be hidden. I don’t deserve you in general.”
“It’s okay,” you whispered. “When you’re ready.”
“I’m ready,” he nodded. “I think…I think you’re the only person who actually cares about me. Who listens and…sees me.”
Your eyes welled up slightly. You weren’t expecting Rafe to say something so vulnerable like this. His rough edges were beginning to soften around you.
“I see you, Rafe,” you told him. You reached out and cupped the side of his face, brushing your thumb along his cheekbone.
He leaned forward, his warm lips crashing onto yours. The kiss was desperate, yet gentle. You didn’t realize how much you had missed this. When you pulled away, Rafe’s eyes were glistening once more.
“Everyone in my life leaves, or screws me over,” he told you, repeating his previous thoughts. “Please don’t leave me.”
You pulled him towards you, wrapping your arms around him. He melted into your touch, safety and warmth encompassing his entire being.
“I’m here, Rafe,” you whispered. “I’m not going anywhere.”
You heard his stomach gurgle, making you let out a quiet chuckle. “Hungry?”
He nodded into the crook of your shoulder. You laughed once more as he pulled back, a smirk on his face.
“Let me make you something,” you told him. You planted a kiss on his cheek before standing up, placing the blanket over his carefully. “You just sit here and relax, okay?”
“I love when you take care of me, baby,” he murmured as he rested his head on the arm of the couch.
You smiled down at him before going into the kitchen to make him some food. He felt safe with you. You had to admit that your heart soared at the thought that you were the first person he came to after a fight with his dad. The first person he opened up to about his mom, to try in front of.
You didn’t even realize it would always be you. You would always be the first person he would run to, even in a crowded room.
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅ ⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅ ⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘
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nameless-ken · 3 days ago
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Bucky Barnes x Reader - Part Five
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Word count: 9.5k (this is a long one)
Warnings: angst, PTSD, mentions of a car crash, death, mentions of death, fluff too because I have to add lightheartedness with angst
Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four |
Masterlist
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The apartment is quiet except for the soft hum of the heater. Alpine lay curled up on Bucky’s lap, her purring the only sound in the room. Bucky stares blankly at the darkened window, his thoughts tangling. His metal fingers idly stroke Alpine’s fur, the sensation grounding him, even if his mind refuses to settle.
He thought of Y/N—her laugh, the warmth in her eyes, the way she makes Elizabeth light up with joy. The past few weeks have been something he hasn’t dared hope for in years: peaceful. But even as he replays those moments in his mind, doubt gnaws at him. Does he really deserve this kind of happiness? Could someone like him—damaged, haunted—be what Y/N needs?
Alpine stretches, her tail flicking against his hand, pulling him from his spiral. He sighs heavily. His phone buzzes on the table, and he leans over to check the notification.
"Steve: Let's meet up at Sam's tomorrow. Something’s come up. We need to talk."
Bucky’s stomach sinks. He sets the phone back down, dreading whatever Steve has to share. It’s always something, isn’t it? His past never lets him rest.
Alpine meows softly, sensing his unease, and nuzzles his hand. He scratches behind her ears absentmindedly before reaching for the notebook resting on the coffee table. The worn cover feels familiar in his hands, a tether to his scattered thoughts.
He flips past pages filled with his looping handwriting—fragments of memory, observations, and the occasional attempt at poetry. He finds a blank page and pauses, the pen hovering above it as if unsure where to start. Finally, he starts:
Am I even capable of being what someone else needs? Or am I just pretending I can be normal, that I can leave it all behind?
The words hang on the page, stark and accusing. His jaw tightens as he continues.
Y/N deserves someone whole, someone who can give her everything without hesitating. And I… I hesitate. I second-guess every good thing because I don’t believe I’m allowed to have it. But then she smiles, and for a moment, I think… maybe. Maybe it’s okay to try. But is trying enough? I put up a front around her. I suppress my struggles around everyone as to appear normal. 
He stops, pressing the pen harder into the paper than he meant to. The letters blur as his vision clouds, memories of cold steel restraints and harsh voices pressing in.
Alpine shifts on his lap, her weight reminding him where he is. He exhales shakily and sets the notebook aside, rubbing a hand down his face.
Whatever Steve and Sam are coming to talk about, he already knows it will dredge up parts of his past he’d rather forget. And if those parts ever reach Y/N, what then? Would she stay? Or would she look at him the way so many have before—like a problem to fix, or worse, like something broken beyond repair?
He’s been too afraid to let her see his metal arm. It’s more than just the limb—it’s the weight of the memories it carries, the pain it represents. He’s ashamed of it, of what it reminds him of every time he looks at it. The thought of her seeing it, of her being hurt or repulsed by the cold, unfeeling steel, terrifies him. What if she sees the arm and, in it, sees the broken man it belongs to?
He stands, Alpine hopping off his lap with a soft protest. Walking to the window, he stares out at the city below, the faint glow of streetlights shimmering against the glass. His reflection stares back at him—tired, burdened, and unsure.
His phone buzzes again, another notification lighting up the darkened room. This time, it’s a message from Y/N:
"Just thinking about you. Hope you’re doing okay."
The tightness in his chest loosens just slightly. He doesn’t reply right away, instead resting his forehead against the cool glass. The heater hums on, Alpine’s purring resuming as she curls back into her spot.
For now, at least, the world feels a little less heavy.
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The next morning, Bucky shows up at your apartment, your usual bright smile faltering when you see the dark circles under Bucky’s eyes.
“You okay?” you ask softly, your hand brushing against his arm. He flinches slightly but covers it up with a tight smile.
“Didn’t sleep great,” he mutters.
You tilt your head, unconvinced. “Would you like to come in for coffee or to the usual cafe?”
Bucky hesitates, his eyes flicking between you and the open door behind you. The warmth in your voice and the gentle concern in your eyes make his chest ache in a way he can’t explain. He shouldn’t have come here, not like this. Not when his mind is a storm he hasn’t figured out how to weather.
“Coffee sounds good,” he finally says, his voice quiet. “Here is fine.”
You smile softly, stepping aside to let him in. “Make yourself comfortable. I’ll get the coffee started.”
As you move to the kitchen, Bucky takes a seat on your couch, his gaze drifting around, admiring all the details–cozy, filled with small, personal touches that feel so distinctly you. There’s a stack of books on the coffee table, a big blue fluffy blanket draped over the arm of the couch, and a framed photo of you and two little boys sitting on a shelf. His heart clenches at the sight of it.
You hum softly as you prepare the coffee, a light tune that drifts into the living room. It’s a sound that, despite himself, Bucky finds calming. He rests his elbows on his knees, staring down at his hands—the metal one covered with his usual leather glove, rests heavily against his thigh.
When you return with two mugs in hand, you pause, taking in the way his shoulders are hunched and the faraway look in his eyes. Setting the mugs down on the table, you sit beside him, close but not too close.
“Hey,” you say gently, drawing his attention back to you. “Whatever it is, you can talk to me.”
Bucky exhales slowly, running a hand through his hair. “It’s nothing,” he lies, his voice strained. “Just...Steve and Sam want to talk. Probably something from my past catching up to me again.”
Your brow furrows with concern. “Do you want me to be there for support?”
His eyes widen slightly, and he shakes his head quickly. “No. No, it’s not...you don’t need to be involved in that.”
“Okay,” you say softly, not wanting to push him. “But if there’s ever anything you need, I’m here. You know that, right?”
He nods, swallowing hard. The sincerity in your voice makes his chest tighten. For a moment, he considers telling you everything—his fears, his doubts, his nightmares. But the words don’t come. Instead, he manages a small, grateful smile.
“I know,” he says quietly. “Thank you.”
The two of you sit in a comfortable silence for a while, sipping coffee. Your presence is steady, unwavering, and though Bucky doesn’t say it, it’s exactly what he needs. Your quiet understanding wraps around him like a safety net, catching the parts of him that feel like they’re constantly slipping through the cracks.
Eventually, he glances at the clock on the wall and sighs. He places his mug down on the table, the scrape of ceramic on wood making you glance up.
“I should get going,” he says, his voice low but steady.
You frown, clearly not wanting him to leave just yet. “Are you sure? You could stay a little longer.”
He shakes his head, standing and running a hand through his hair. “Steve and Sam are waiting. Whatever it is, it’s better to just deal with it sooner than later.”
You stand, too, following him to the door. Your fingers brush his as you hand him his jacket, and he tenses slightly but doesn’t pull away.
“Bucky,” you say softly, your voice drawing his gaze to yours. “Whatever it is, you’ll get through it. And if you need me, I’m just a call away.”
He holds your gaze for a moment, his blue eyes searching yours, his expression unreadable. His attention flickers briefly to your lips before a faint smile tugs at the corner of his mouth—small, hesitant, but real.
“Thanks,” he murmurs, his voice low as he shrugs on his jacket. He pauses, a flicker of indecision crossing his face, and then leans in, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek. The warmth of his lips and the roughness of his stubble send a soft flutter through you.
The gesture is fleeting, almost shy, but it leaves you both standing still for a beat longer than usual.
"I'll call you later." Bucky assures you.
You recover first, smiling warmly. “You better,” you say, your tone light yet reassuring.
His smile lingers for just a moment before he steps out the door. As Bucky steps back out into the chilly, morning air, he exhales a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. The weight in his chest is still there, but somehow, it feels just a little easier to carry. He adjusts his jacket and starts toward Sam’s apartment.
With every step, the quiet doubts whisper at the back of his mind. The fear of what Steve and Sam might bring, the worry of dragging his past into his present. But he forces himself to keep moving.
If there’s one thing he’s learned over the years, it’s that facing the ghosts of his past is the only way to keep them from haunting his future.
As Bucky enters Sam's apartment, Steve meets him halfway into the living room.
“We don’t have all the details yet, but we’ve been hearing rumors. Someone's digging into your past, asking questions about your arm—your history. Could be anyone, but it’s enough to raise a red flag.” Steve informs as Bucky stands, fists clenching at his side. 
His mind races, memories of his past flickering in and out of focus—things he's tried to forget, buried under layers of time and effort.
“What kind of questions?” Bucky’s voice comes out rough, as though it was a struggle to ask, to even speak of it again.
Sam shoots him a glance, his face serious. “Nothing too specific yet, but enough to make it clear someone’s poking around. Doesn’t take much to stir up old ghosts.”
Bucky’s fingers flex at his side, his metal arm feeling heavier than usual. He hates it, hates what it reminds him of. Every inch of him screams to keep it hidden, bury it, away from the world. But now, it seems like the past was coming back for him.
He exhales slowly, his mind clouded with the familiar weight of dread. “I thought I left that part of me behind. Thought I buried it deep enough that it couldn’t find me again.”
Steve’s gaze softens, his expression unwavering. He steps closer, resting a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “You don’t have to face this alone. We’re here, Bucky. You know that. We’ll figure it out. We always do.”
Sam nods, his face stoic but with a hint of reassurance. “Yeah. We’ve got your back. Whatever’s coming, we’ll handle it together.”
Bucky swallows hard, the knot in his chest tightening. He wants to believe them, but the past has a way of slipping through cracks, creeping back into his life when he least expects it. He isn’t sure he’s ready for whatever is waiting for him.
For a moment, he stands in silence, his eyes distant. Then he nods, his voice hoarse. “Alright. Let’s figure out what we’re up against.”
Steve gives him a firm, reassuring squeeze on the shoulder before turning toward the door. “We’ll take it one step at a time, Buck. Just keep your head up. And if things get too heavy, don’t hesitate to reach out. You know we’re here.”
With one last glance at Sam, Bucky turns and makes his way out of the apartment, the weight of uncertainty pressing down on him. But this time, he isn’t alone. And maybe that’s enough to face whatever is coming next.
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The next day, Bucky and Elizabeth arrive at your apartment after school. Elizabeth is her usual excited self, bouncing around with a big grin on her face as she talks non-stop about her day. She runs inside, unaware of the tension hanging in the air, but Bucky is different. He’s quieter than usual, his expression distant. You notice it immediately, the way his shoulders are tense, his eyes too focused on something only he can see.
After a moment, Elizabeth disappears into your guest room, dumping out her backpack with some toys to play with. You turn your attention to Bucky. 
“Bucky,” you say softly, voice filled with concern. “How are you today? Is something bothering you?”  
He hesitates, his eyes flicking toward the door before settling on you. There’s a long pause before he speaks, and when he does, his voice is low, tight.
“It’s nothing,” he mutters, but you can hear the strain. “Just some old stuff coming back to bite me.”
You cross your arms, frustration bubbling up but not wanting to push him to talk. You can see through him, the walls he’s built up. “You don’t have to do this alone, you know. I do care about you, and I want to help. But I can’t if you don’t let me in.”
Bucky glances at you, his jaw tight. For a moment, you think he’s going to say something, but then he just shakes his head. “It’s not that simple. You don’t know what it’s like to carry this around—to always be waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
“Then tell me,” you urge. “Let me in.”
Before he can respond, a loud crash suddenly cuts through the air. Your heart stops as the sound of shattering glass echoes from your guest room. You don’t even think; just spring into action, rushing toward the room with Bucky right behind.
You reach the doorway to the room at the same time. Elizabeth is huddled in the corner, her eyes wide with terror, staring at the broken window. A dark figure is retreating into the night, disappearing into the shadows before either of you can get a good look at them.
Bucky’s entire body goes rigid, his metal arm clenching instinctively. You see the shift in him—the moment his protective instincts take over. His jaw tightens as he looks at you, his expression hardening.
“Stay here,” he demands, his voice sharp, commanding. “Call Steve.”
You nod quickly, fear coiling in your stomach. You pull out your phone, dialing Steve’s number with trembling hands. As you wait for the call to connect, you look down at Elizabeth, her small form trembling in your arms. You whisper soothing words, but your own heart is racing, your thoughts scrambling to keep up with what just happened. You move with Elizabeth out of the guest room and into the living room, sitting on the couch with her curled up in your lap. 
“Shh, you’re safe,” you whisper softly, holding her tightly. “Bucky’s going to handle it. It’s going to be okay.”
Elizabeth doesn’t say anything, but she nods against you with tears streaming down her soft cheeks, the quiet terror in her face tears at you. You wish you could tell her everything’s fine, but you don’t know what’s coming next.
The phone rings once, twice, before Steve picks up. “Y/N? Everything okay? How are you?”
“Someone broke into my apartment,” you explain, your voice shaky. “Elizabeth and Bucky are here and everyone is okay, but they... they broke into my guest room window, and—Bucky’s after them.”
“Is Elizabeth alright?” Steve cuts in, his voice sharp with concern.
“She’s scared, but she’s fine, I have her with me” you say, trying to keep your voice steady. “They ran off, but Bucky’s going after them. Please—hurry over. I am texting you my address.”
“Don’t worry, we’ll be there soon. Stay inside, don’t open the door for anyone else.”
You hang up, letting the phone fall beside you as you continue to hold Elizabeth. Her grip tightens around you as she presses closer, seeking comfort from the warmth of your embrace. You gently stroke her hair, murmuring soft reassurances.
“It’s going to be okay, sweetie,” you whisper again, though your own heart is far from calm. “Uncle Bucky and your dad will take care of this.”
But even as you speak the words, doubt creeps in. The broken window is a sign that things aren’t as simple as they seem. Whoever did this isn’t going to stop with a broken window. You shiver, the weight of the situation settling over you.
Just then, the sound of hurried footsteps reaches your ears. You look up to see Steve and Sam entering the apartment, their expressions grim. Without a word, they take in the situation—the broken window, the tension in the air, the terrified look on Elizabeth’s face. Steve moves toward the two of you, his eyes softening as he kneels down to Elizabeth’s level.
“Hey bub,” Steve says, offering her a warm smile despite the tension. “You doing okay?”
Elizabeth nods slowly, though her face is still pale. Steve wipes at the wetness on her cheeks, leaning in and pressing a kiss to her head. 
“We’ll take it from here,” he says. “Stay with her, Y/N. We’ll figure this out.”
Sam, already on his phone, glances at you once more. “We’ll handle it. Bucky’s not alone.”
The door clicks closed behind them, leaving you and Elizabeth in the quiet aftermath. You’re left with a sinking feeling in your stomach, knowing the fight’s not over yet—and whatever just happened, it’s only the beginning.
You glance toward the guest room—the broken window still gaping, the evidence of the intruder’s presence stark against the fading daylight. It’s a reminder that this wasn’t just some random occurrence. Someone deliberately targeted your home, your safe space. Whoever they were, they were watching.
Bucky’s protective instincts kicked in the moment the glass shattered. You know he’ll do whatever it takes to protect those he cares about. But still, there's a part of you that’s scared. Scared for Elizabeth. Scared for Bucky. Scared for what might be coming next.
You shake the thoughts from your head, focusing instead on Elizabeth. You need to stay calm for her. She needs you to be strong, even if you're falling apart inside.
After what feels like an eternity, you hear the soft click of the front door, and then the unmistakable sound of Bucky’s voice calling your name.
“Y/N?”
You jump to your feet, still holding Elizabeth tightly in your arms. She stirs at the sound of his voice, lifting her head to look around. You meet Bucky’s eyes as he enters the room, his face drawn with concern. His clothes are slightly rumpled, his expression more exhausted than angry, but you can see the relief in his eyes as he looks at you and Elizabeth.
“Is she okay?” he asks, his voice soft but laced with tension.
You nod, holding Elizabeth a little tighter. “She’s shaken, but she’s alright. You... you found them?”
Bucky exhales slowly, his gaze flicking briefly toward the broken window showing through the guest room door frame. His body language is guarded, but there’s a faint flicker of frustration in his eyes. “Yeah. They were long gone by the time I got out there. But I... I think they were watching. They knew exactly where to hit.”
You can hear the unease in his voice, the weight of his words sinking in. It wasn’t a random break-in. Whoever did this had a purpose.
Elizabeth shifts in your arms, her eyes flicking between the two of you. “Uncle Bucky,” she says quietly, her voice small, “is it... is it safe now?”
Bucky kneels in front of her, his metal hand resting gently on her shoulder. His expression softens as he meets her eyes. “Yeah, bee,” he says, his voice soothing. “It’s safe now. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
Elizabeth nods, but her face is still pale, her lips trembling just slightly. You can tell she’s trying to be brave, but the fear is still there, lurking beneath the surface.
“Let’s get going. We’ll stay at Steve’s for the night. It’s the safest place right now.” Bucky responds. “Pack anything you need but do it fast.” 
You nod, handing him Elizabeth as you rush to pack a bag, grabbing the essentials and closing the guest room door, not wanting to look at the damage right now. 
“Let’s go,” you say, voice steady despite the storm of emotions swirling inside you.
Bucky nods, he doesn’t look back as he ushers you both toward the door.
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The drive to Steve’s house is a blur. The car is filled with an eerie silence, each of you lost in your own thoughts. Elizabeth has her head resting against your shoulder as you sit beside her in the back seat, not wanting to leave her alone, her small body still trembling as she tries to hold it together. Every so often, you feel her fingers tighten around your hand, as if reminding herself you’re there, that she’s not alone.
Bucky drives with tense precision, his eyes scanning the rearview mirror every few seconds, always alert, always on edge. The streets blur as he takes you through the city, toward the familiarity of Steve’s home. 
When you finally pull up to Steve’s house, the security gates open almost immediately, and you’re ushered inside with a sense of relief, as though the weight of the world has been momentarily lifted off your shoulders. Bucky parks the car in the garage, and you help Elizabeth out, her small hand still clutching yours.
Inside, the house feels different from the night of the Friendsgiving. Steve is waiting in the foyer when you enter, his face lighting up when he sees Elizabeth. His usual warmth is tempered with concern, though, his eyes flicking over to Bucky for confirmation.
“You’re safe now.” Steve reassures, his voice low, eyes darting to Elizabeth’s tight grip on your hand.
You nod quickly, trying to keep your composure. “Thank you, for letting me stay over.”
“Of course. A friend of Bucky’s is now a friend of ours.” Steve gives you a small smile, trying to ease the night. 
Steve crouches down to Elizabeth’s level, opening his arms for her to fall into. She immediately wraps her arms around his neck. “Daddy’s got you. Let’s get you ready for bed bub.” 
“Oh, my darling,” You all glance up at Peggy’s voice. She appears at the top of the stairs as Steve carries Elizabeth up to her room. 
You watch in silence as the family reunite, coddling their daughter, making her feel safe. 
Bucky’s gaze softens at you, eyes meeting yours across the foyer. He doesn’t need to ask. It’s written on your face—the exhaustion, the concern, the fear still lurking beneath your calm exterior.
Bucky’s steps are quiet as he approaches, his expression steady but filled with empathy. "You’re safe here," he promises, grabbing your hand, squeezing it softly. "Take a breath. Let me make you a drink."
You nod, grateful for the offer but too tired to speak. You follow behind as he leads the way towards the kitchen. The sound of the fridge opening and the soft clink of glass are the only sounds that fill the space, an unfamiliar comfort in the quiet after the chaos.
The house feels warm and welcoming, but there’s a lingering tension in the air. The kind that stays even when everything is supposed to be alright. You can’t shake the feeling that whoever did this isn’t done. They know where you are now.
A soft cough pulls you from your thoughts, and you turn to find Steve standing a few feet away, his posture rigid but there's a softness in his expression now, a layer of concern beneath the usual stoic demeanor. “You alright?” Steve asks, his voice quiet but carrying the weight of everything that’s happened tonight.
You take a deep breath, trying to find some semblance of control. "Just… processing," you say, the words coming out more rigid than you intended. "It’s just been a lot."
Steve nods, his gaze flicking over to where Bucky is gripping the counter top, his back tense facing you both.
“If you need anything… I mean, anything... you can stay here as long as you need. You are no longer just Elizabeth’s teacher. Anyone important to Bucky, is important to all of us. Bucky’s right, you’re safe. And we’re not going to let anything happen to anyone."
The words hit harder than you expect, a promise laced with sincerity and a little bit of pain—he means it, and it’s almost overwhelming to hear.
"Thank you," you whisper, barely able to keep the emotion in check. "I really appreciate everything."
As Steve turns to leave you and Bucky alone in the kitchen, you feel the weight of the situation sink back in.
Bucky sets the glass in front of you, his touch deliberate as he slides it across the counter. “It’s nothing fancy, but it’ll help.”
You don’t hesitate to take the drink, grateful for the gesture even if you’re not sure how much it will ease the tightness in your chest. The liquid is warm and slightly burns as it slides down your throat, but it doesn't take away the gnawing sense of unease.
Bucky stands beside you, his posture still tense, but there’s something softer in the way he watches you—his usual hardened exterior momentarily set aside.
"I know it's not much," he says, voice low, "but I won’t let anything happen to you. I’m sorry for bringing all this into your life. I know you didn’t ask for any of this. I guess this is why I was trying not to get too close.” 
You nod slowly, the weight of his words not lost on you. Bucky’s been through his own hell, and yet, here he is—still standing guard, still offering whatever help he can. It’s comforting in its own way, but it also reminds you how much is at stake.
You take a slow, steady breath, your fingers lightly tracing the edge of your glass as you absorb Bucky’s words. “You don’t have to apologize,” you say quietly, your voice hoarse but determined. “None of this is your fault. Just because something happened in your past, it doesn’t define your present.”
Bucky doesn’t respond right away, his gaze softening, a mixture of relief and something else flickering behind his eyes.
The quiet is interrupted by the sound of footsteps approaching. You turn, and there’s Peggy, standing at the doorway to the kitchen. She’s dressed comfortably, her hair pulled back into a loose ponytail, but her eyes are sharp, a knowing look crossing her face as she observes the situation.
“Everything alright?” Peggy asks, her voice warm but carrying an undertone of concern. She glances between you and Bucky, her eyes narrowing slightly as she takes in the scene.
“Yeah,” you reply quickly, though the exhaustion in your voice is impossible to hide. “Just… a long night.”
Peggy’s gaze softens immediately, her expression shifting into one of empathy. She steps fully into the kitchen, crossing the floor to stand beside you. “I’m just glad everyone is safe. Steve filled me in on the situation, but if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.”
Her attention then shifts to Bucky, her eyes lingering on him for a moment before she speaks again. “There is only one guest room, but the couch is available too. Whatever you both prefer.”
Bucky’s lips twitch, the faintest hint of humor in his eyes as he responds, “I’ll take the couch, thanks.”
You glance at Bucky, a small sigh escaping you. "That's ridiculous," you say, your voice softer but firm. "You’ve done enough. We’ve already been through enough tonight. It’s okay… It’ll be easier if we’re together. I’ll feel safer, at ease, knowing you're there."
Bucky looks at you for a long moment, his jaw tightening slightly, as if weighing the offer. His expression is unreadable, but you can see the hesitation in his eyes.
Finally, he exhales, the tension easing from his shoulders as he nods. “Alright. If you’re sure.”
“I’m sure,” you affirm with a small, tired smile.
Peggy, who’s been quietly observing, smiles warmly at both of you. “Well, if you’re sure, then I’ll let you two get settled in. Have a good night. See you in the morning.”
As Peggy disappears out of the kitchen, Bucky turns to you, his gaze lingering for a moment before he steps closer. “I’ll keep you safe,” he promises again, his voice low and steady. It’s not the first time he’s said it, but this time, there’s a quiet certainty in his words.
You give him a small nod. “I know.”
Together, you make your way upstairs, the weight of the night still heavy but exhaustion taking over. Bucky leads the way into the room, his presence comforting despite the lingering shadows of fear. You can hear the soft hum of the house around you, the familiar sounds of Steve and Peggy moving a few doors down, here, in this quiet room, it feels like a moment of calm before the storm.
As Bucky takes off his jacket and shoes, you slip into the adjoined bathroom, changing into your pajamas, the soft fabric comforting against your tired skin. When you exit and glance over at Bucky, you see him standing still for a moment, his hand resting on the edge of the dresser, his posture rigid as though he's preparing himself for something.
You don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable, but something about this moment feels more intimate than anything before. The thought that you’ve never seen Bucky’s metal arm, that piece of him he's always kept hidden, lingers in your mind. You watch him as he slowly pulls off his shirt, revealing the metal arm for the first time.
The sight takes you by surprise. It’s beautiful in its own way—sleek and strong—but there’s a quiet sadness in his eyes as he turns towards you, the weight of his past unmistakable.
Bucky catches your gaze, his expression tight. “I’m not… I’m not sure what you’re thinking,” he says softly, his voice steady but full of uncertainty. He reaches up, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand. “It’s not… it’s not who I am. But it’s all that was left after… the people who took me, who… did this.”
You don’t speak immediately, your gaze softening as you look at him, trying to convey everything you feel without words. You want to reassure him, but you're not sure how.
“It…it was blown off in battle," he continues, his voice distant, as though he’s reliving the moment. "The people who… kidnapped me—they gave me this. And they experimented on me. It’s not just the arm. But sometimes, this thing... It scares me. I don’t want you to be afraid of it, of me.”
His voice falters toward the end, and you can see the vulnerability in his eyes—vulnerability that he doesn’t let others see, but it’s here now, with you. He sits down on the bed, resting against the pillows. You crawl onto the bed beside him, feeling a pull to make him feel safe, just as he’s always made you feel.
“You don’t have to hide it from me, Bucky,” you say softly, scooting closer. “I’m not afraid of you. I know you wouldn’t hurt me.”
Bucky exhales sharply, and for a moment, he looks away, his gaze conflicted. He sits there, motionless, before he finally looks back at you. “I’m sorry,” he mutters under his breath. “For all of this. I never meant to drag you into it.”
You feel a pang in your chest, seeing how deeply he feels this guilt. You reach out, placing your hand gently on his left arm, the cold, metal surface unfamiliar but comforting in its own way.
“You didn’t drag me into anything, Bucky,” you say, your voice steady, as you take his metal hand in yours and place it over your waist. “I’m here because I want to be. I’m here because I care about you.”
Bucky hesitates, his eyes darting from your face to his arm resting on your waist, unsure. It’s almost as if he’s afraid of pulling you closer, of touching you in a way that might break this fragile connection you’ve started to form.
But you know what you need, what you both need. You shift on the bed so that your body is pressed closer against his, and gently guide his arm to rest more over you. You close your eyes for a moment, willing him to let go of his hesitation.
“I know you won’t hurt me,” you whisper again, your voice calm, knowing what you’re asking him to do is not easy. “Please, just hold me. It’s okay.”
Bucky stares at you for a moment longer, and then, with a soft breath, he lays his arm down fully, pulling you into his chest. He wraps his left arm around you carefully, his metal hand resting against your back in a comforting, steady hold.
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs, his voice thick with emotion. “You deserve better than this.”
You shake your head gently, pressing your cheek against his chest. “Stop apologizing,” you say, your voice firm but tender. “I’m here to stay, Bucky. You don’t have to carry this on your own anymore. And you won’t lose me. I’m not going anywhere.”
Bucky’s breath catches slightly, and he pulls you a little closer, as though trying to make the words you’ve said real in the way he holds you. His heart beats steadily against your ear, and you can feel the weight of everything he’s been through, all the pain he carries—but it’s nothing you can’t bear.
“I’m grateful for every Friday afternoon you’ve picked Elizabeth up at school. So grateful we met each other.” you whisper, your words muffled against his chest. “For all the moments we’ve shared, no matter how small they seem. They’ve meant the world to me.”
Bucky’s heart seems to beat a little faster, his grip tightening around you, as though he’s afraid you might slip away if he doesn’t hold on just a little tighter.
Before you can say anything else, Bucky lifts your chin gently with his metal hand, his expression soft and full of longing. His lips find yours in a kiss that starts tender but deepens as the moment pulls you both in, the weight of everything you’ve just shared passing between you in a breathless, passionate kiss.
It’s a kiss full of everything—comfort, release, promises unspoken, and a bond that’s only just begun to take root. 
And for the first time in a long time, you both feel a little less alone.
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The morning light streams through the curtains of the guest room, casting a soft, golden hue across the room. You shift slightly in the bed, stretching as the warmth of the covers cling to your body. The quiet calm of the house is comforting, and for a moment, you almost forget about the events of the night before.
Beside you, Bucky stirs, his movements slow and deliberate as he stretches out beside you. He smiles softly, his eyes still heavy with sleep. The warmth of his body beside yours make the morning feel even more intimate, and you find yourself smiling back at him, your hearts still wrapped in the same contentment from the night before. The quiet, tender moment is enough to make you feel at home in this space, with him.
"Morning," he mutters.
"Morning," you whisper against the stillness of the room.
There’s a small pause before Bucky rolls over to look at you, his face relaxes, his expression warm. "You sleep okay?"
You nod. "Yeah, it was perfect."
Bucky smiles again, and for a moment, neither of you move, content just to stay in the quiet together. But after a while, the sounds of movement downstairs reach your ears. The familiar hum of voices, the quiet clinking of dishes, and the faint scent of breakfast began to fill the air. It’s time to get up.
Bucky let out a low grunt as he sat up, rubbing his face. "Alright, let's go see what they’re cooking up."
You both swing your legs out of bed and make your way downstairs, your footsteps soft on the wooden floor. 
In the dining room, the table is set. Steve and Peggy are busy cooking breakfast, flipping pancakes and eggs, while Elizabeth sits at the table, coloring in her favorite book. Her face lights up when she sees you and Bucky enter, a wide grin spreading across her face.
"Good morning!" she beams, hopping out of her seat.
"Morning, bee," Bucky exclaims, ruffling her hair as he passes by.
Elizabeth turns to you with a hopeful look. "Can you sit beside me for breakfast?"
You smile at her, moving to take the empty seat beside her. "Of course."
Bucky takes the seat across from you two, settling in with a content sigh. Steve and Peggy appear with platters filled with eggs, pancakes and bacon before taking their seats. As everyone digs into breakfast, the conversation flows easily. Peggy shares a few stories, and Steve makes a few jokes, always quick with a smile. Elizabeth, happily eating her pancakes, chimes in every so often with thoughts on her coloring book, her enthusiasm contagious.
It was simple, quiet—a family breakfast that felt like it had been this way for years. You’re grateful for this company. It has been a long time since you’ve had “family” time like this. 
After a while, Elizabeth pauses, her fork mid-air, and then gasps. She points out the window with wide eyes. "Look! Look outside!"
Everyone turns to see the soft, white snow beginning to fall, the flakes drifting gently down from the sky, coating the backyard in a blanket of white.
The room is quiet for a moment as everyone admires the sight, and then Elizabeth breaks the silence, practically bouncing in her seat. "Can we go play in the snow? Please?"
"Well, how could we say no to that?" Peggy says, smiling at Elizabeth's eager face. "Let’s all go out and play."
"Sounds like a good plan," Steve agrees, rising from the table to grab his coat.
The group moves toward the entryway, where everyone begins to gather their coats, boots, and gloves. You turn to Peggy. "Do you have anything extra I can borrow?"
"Of course," she responds, leading you to the coat rack, where she hands you a warm jacket, scarf, and gloves.
Bucky, looking over at Steve’s collection of winter gear, borrows some too. 
Soon, everyone is bundled up, and with a cheer of excitement, you step outside, the fresh snow crunching beneath your boots. The cold air is sharp, but the sight of the snow-covered backyard makes everything feel magical. Elizabeth immediately runs into the yard, throwing her arms out as she twirls, her laughter bright and carefree.
Bucky follows her, offering to help her build a snowman. Together, you all work to shape the snow into the body, laughing at how much bigger the snowballs get as everyone joins in. The snowman’s arms are made of twigs, and soon a carrot is placed as his nose, with mismatched rocks for eyes.
Elizabeth then scoops up a handful of snow, and with a mischievous glint in her eyes, she tosses it toward Bucky. The snowball hit him in the chest, and Bucky grins, picking up a handful of snow in retaliation.
The snowball fight begins—lighthearted and full of laughter. Elizabeth ducks behind the snowman as Bucky tosses snowballs, narrowly missing her. Steve and Peggy, having finished making the snowman, exchange amused glances and head back inside to prepare hot chocolate for everyone.
Bucky turns to you, his face flushes from the cold, but his eyes soft and warm. He catches your gaze, his expression changing, something a little more tender in his smile.
For a moment, it feels as though everything is quiet again, just the two of you standing together in the middle of the snow, the world outside fading into the distance. Bucky takes a step closer, and your heart races a little, caught in the moment, leaning toward him just as he leans in—
But before your lips meet, a snowball hits Bucky square in the back.
Elizabeth laughs, gleefully sprinting across the yard. “Gotcha!”
Bucky grins and, without a second thought, scoops Elizabeth up, tossing her over his shoulder with ease. “Oh, you’re in for it now, bee,” he says, his voice playful.
Elizabeth squeals in delight, her arms flailing as she is carried through the snow.
You can’t help but laugh, the sound escaping before you can stifle it. There’s something about watching them—so carefree, so lighthearted—that makes your chest tighten with affection. You follow them back inside, where the warmth of the house greets you like a hug.
Steve and Peggy have set up in the living room, the fireplace crackling softly in the background, the scent of cocoa mingling with the cozy atmosphere. They look up when you walk in, Steve’s smile warm and welcoming, Peggy’s eyes twinkling with amusement.
“Hot chocolate’s ready,” Steve says, handing you a mug. “Come warm up.” Everyone takes off their winter gear. 
Elizabeth takes a mug from her mom, her face pink from the cold, her grin wide and satisfied and immediately curls up next to the fireplace, wrapping herself in a blanket. You sit beside her, the warmth from the fire seeping into your skin as you sip your drink, the quiet of the evening settling in around you.
As a movie drifts on the tv, the playful energy of the snowball fight still lingering in the room, you realize how different today has felt. It’s as if the snow fall outside has swept away the weight of yesterday, leaving everything cleaner, fresher. The air feels lighter.
It’s as though, for a brief moment, everything’s exactly as it should be.
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After a while, as the evening stretches into night, you hear Bucky’s voice, quieter now, as he thanks Steve and Peggy for letting you stay. "I really appreciate it," he says, his tone sincere, and you echo his gratitude.
“Yes, thank you both for everything. I can’t thank you enough for welcoming me in like you have.”
Steve stands up, pulling you into a tight hug, and Peggy follows, wrapping her arms around you as well. “Anytime,” Steve says, pulling back to give you a knowing look. “If anything ever happens like that again, don’t hesitate to call.”
“Same goes for me,” Peggy adds, her voice warm and reassuring. “Take care of yourself.”
The hug from both of them feels like a shield—comforting. You pull away slowly, smiling up at them, but it’s Elizabeth who steals the moment next.
You crouch down in front of her, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear. “I’ll see you on Monday,” you say softly.
Elizabeth’s small arms wrap around your neck, pulling you into an unexpected hug. “I love you, Miss Y/L/N,” she says, her voice filled with such sincerity that it catches you off guard. “Thanks for saving me.”
You freeze, the words a punch to the chest. You’ve had kids tell you they love you before, but this feels different—more genuine, more heartfelt. You hold her close, letting the emotion surge through you, grateful for her innocence.
“I love you too, Elizabeth,” you whisper, pulling back just enough to meet her gaze. “I’m happy to be here for you. Always.”
Elizabeth’s eyes shine brightly as she tightens her arms around you one more time. Her simple, unguarded affection warms you in a way you hadn’t expected. She’s been a light in your life without even knowing it.
As you stand up, Bucky catches your eyes. His expression is softer than usual, something in his gaze that says more than words could. He gives you a small nod, a silent acknowledgment. Bucky says his goodbye to Elizabeth, her hug even tighter around him. 
"Ready to head out?" Bucky asks, stepping toward you.
You nod, your heart full, taking one last look around the room before following him to the door. The warmth from the house still lingers as you walk out into the night, but with Bucky by your side.
Once you’re in the car, Bucky turns to you. “Ready to get some rest?” His voice is low, like he’s making sure you’re okay, like he’s already looking out for you.
"I can’t go back there, Bucky," you say quietly, the words coming out before you can stop them.
He glances at you, his face softening. "I know. You’re coming home with me. You’re not going back until we can get that window fixed and me and Sam find out more about the intruder." His voice is firm, but with a gentleness to his words.
You don’t protest. You trust Bucky more than anyone. Without another word, you let the quiet of the drive settle over you as the snow continues to build outside.
As you arrive at Bucky’s apartment, he’s quick to grab your bags from the backseat. You realize this is the first time you’ve been here, and a sense of quiet anticipation lingers in the air. Bucky holds your bags in one hand and, with his other hand, gently takes yours as he leads you up a couple of flights of stairs. He unlocks the front door and holds it open, allowing you to step inside first.
The apartment is calm and cozy, the kind of place you’d expect to feel at home in. It’s smaller than you imagined, but there’s a warmth to it—soft, dim lights and the gentle hum of a heater make it feel inviting, a stark contrast to the cold outside.
“I know it’s not much,” Bucky says, closing the door behind him and locking it.
You look around and smile. “It’s nice, comfortable, and honestly, it feels very much like you.” You let out a small laugh as you notice a pile of blankets and pillows scattered on the floor near the couch.
Bucky follows your gaze and chuckles. “Uh, I crash there sometimes. The bed can feel too soft at times.”
“You don’t have to explain anything to me,” you reply, understanding more than he knows. “I get it.”
He nods, a slight smile tugging at his lips before heading toward the kitchen. “I’ll make us some tea,” he calls over his shoulder, the sound of running water and cabinet doors closing filling the air.
You take a seat on his small couch, glancing around, your eyes catching a litter box and a few scattered cat toys in the corner. “Do you have a cat?” you ask, curious as Bucky returns, handing you a steaming mug.
“Yeah, Alpine. She’s at Sam’s place right now. Keeps her whenever I’m away.” Bucky’s voice softens as he talks about her, his fondness clear.
“I love cats. I’ve always wanted one but never got around to it.” You smile at the thought.
“I found her in an alley when I first moved here. She keeps me grounded.”
The conversation quiets as you both sit in the comfort of his apartment, sipping tea. Your thoughts drift back to earlier that day, to the warmth of family and the joy you hadn’t realized you missed until you saw it again. A lump forms in your throat, and your heart aches, the tenderness of the moment catching you off guard.
Bucky watches you closely, sensing the shift in your mood. “Hey, you okay?” He sets his mug down, turning to face you fully, his hands gently cradling your face. The care in his touch is unmistakable, and it sends a quiet comfort through you.
You hesitate for a moment. You’ve been holding this back for so long, the weight of it all pressing down on you. “I don’t know,” you whisper, voice shaking. “I’ve been running from it for so long.”
Bucky doesn’t rush you, only nods, waiting patiently for you to speak when you’re ready.
Taking a steadying breath, you grab your bag from beside the couch, pulling out your wallet and carefully removing a folded picture. For a moment, you hold it, your gaze lingering on the photo, the memories flooding back. Then, you hand it to Bucky, your fingers trembling slightly.
The photo is a few years old now, but it feels as fresh as yesterday. It shows you with your sister and your two young nephews, standing in front of your childhood home. Your sister smiles, with her arms around the boys, their laughter frozen in time. You can almost hear the sound of their joy in the background, and for a moment, it feels like nothing has changed.
"I—" You swallow, the words thick in your throat. "A few years ago, we were driving to my dad’s on a snow day from school. We were going to have an early dinner. Nothing big, just a little family gathering." You pause, your chest tightens. "Another car lost control on the opposite side of the road. We didn’t see it coming. The other car slid into us. My sister, she—she died on impact."
Tears begin to slip down your cheeks, your voice barely above a whisper as the pain resurfaces, raw and unbearable. "My nephews, they were only five and seven. They were taken to the hospital, but they didn’t survive. They died hours later."
You grip the photo tightly, the edges worn from years of handling it, your heart breaking once more.
"And me…" You continue, your voice cracking. "I was the only one who made it. I had to have several surgeries, months of recovery. I healed physically, but mentally… that’s still a work in progress. I miss them every day. They were my family, and I—I don’t know how to keep going without them. It’s changed everything, Bucky. It’s changed me."
Bucky’s hand, which had been resting on the couch, moves to gently hold yours. His grip is steady, reassuring, and there’s an understanding in his eyes—an unspoken recognition of the pain you’re carrying. His voice is low, filled with empathy.
“You’re not alone,” he says softly. “I get it. I know what it’s like to lose pieces of yourself in ways you never think you’ll recover from. But you keep going, even when you don’t think you can. You just… keep going.”
His words strike a chord deep within you, his vulnerability a mirror to your own. It’s not just the soldier in him talking—it's the man who has seen the depths of loss, who has lived through it and come out the other side.
You blink back more tears, nodding, the weight in your chest feeling a little lighter just by having him there.
Bucky’s hand tightens around yours, offering a comfort that needs no explanation. He leans back against the couch, his gaze turning inward for a moment, before he looks at you again, his expression softer now.
“I’m sorry,” you whisper, your voice small.
Bucky shakes his head, a slight smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “Don’t apologize. You’ve been through hell, and it’s not easy. It’s not supposed to be.”
The two of you sit in silence for a while, neither of you rushing through the pain or pretending to have all the answers. There’s a sense of peace, of understanding, and it’s enough. For now, it’s more than enough.
Finally, Bucky shifts slightly, offering a small, almost awkward smile. “Do you want to take a shower? The first door on the right,” he adds quickly, rubbing the back of his neck.
You raise an eyebrow, teasing him. “I mean—uh, not with me, but if you want to take a shower, feel free to.” He’s clearly embarrassed, but the warmth in his voice is endearing.
You giggle at his awkwardness. “Thanks, I can definitely use one.” You lean in and kiss his cheek, the gesture soft and comforting. “You can join me if you want,” you tease with a smirk as you stand and grab your bag, heading toward the short hallway.
Bucky’s face flushes, but his eyes sparkle with a quiet amusement. “I’ll… think about it.”
Bucky sits still for a moment after your teasing remark, his gaze watches you walk into the bathroom, leaving the door ajar. He runs a hand through his hair, taking a slow breath as he seems to gather his thoughts. 
“Fuck it,” He mutters to himself, pushing through his insecurities, gaining courage with each determined step he takes. 
He pushes the door open softly, the sound of water filling the air as steam starts to roll out. His eyes glue to you through the textured glass door. His fist clenches in need, seeing you so vulnerable and you allowing him to see you this way, works him up more than he thought it would. 
He strips off his clothes, glancing down mentally praying for his dick to not intrude this vulnerable moment but one look at you as he opens the glass door, he knows he’s done for. 
Your eyes meet his, as your chest rises and falls faster as he steps in and closes in on you. Your eyes filter over his toned chest, watching the water glides down and glistens against his metal arm. Your breath catches in your throat as you peak down quickly before looking back to his eyes, the apparent smirk resting on his face. 
"I can... I can wash your hair if you want," His voice is calm, but you can hear the trace of nervousness underneath.
You nod, words lost in your throat as you turn around to face the water. Bucky’s hands are careful, gentle as he pours a bit of shampoo into his palm, his fingers working it through your hair with slow, steady movements. The touch is so tender, you almost forget everything else, letting yourself relax into the sensation of his hands massaging your scalp before the hot water cascades down your back, washing away the remnants of the day.
When it’s his turn, you return the favor, taking a bottle of body wash and working it into a washcloth, reaching out to his chest first. His skin is so warm under your touch, and as you slowly move to wash his shoulders and back, you notice how he lets out a soft exhale, as though the act of being cared for, of sharing this moment, is something he didn’t realize he needed.
You both take your time, no rush, no pressure. Just the quiet intimacy of helping each other unwind, of being present in the moment together, with no expectations. His fingers brush against your arm when you rinse his body, and the gesture feels like a silent acknowledgment of how much trust you’re giving each other in this small space, how much it matters.
When you’re both clean and standing close under the cascading water, Bucky turns to face you again, his eyes searching yours for a moment. There’s a vulnerability there, but also something deeper, something more familiar now, as though the weight between you both is no longer as heavy.
You smile softly, your fingers gently tracing the edge of his jaw, and then, before either of you can second guess it, you close the distance, pressing your lips to his. It’s a soft, unhurried kiss, the water flowing over you both, warm and comforting. The kiss is more of an unspoken promise, a way to share everything that words can’t quite express.
When you pull away, you both stand there for a moment, close enough to feel each other’s breath. 
Bucky finally breaks the silence with a small chuckle. “Well, that wasn’t so bad, huh?”
You laugh softly, nodding. “Not bad at all.”
He helps you rinse off the last of the soap, then reaches to turn off the water. You step out first, wrapping yourself in a towel, your hair damp and hanging loosely. Bucky follows, grabbing his own towel, and you both move toward the small bedroom, your hearts a little lighter than before.
The room is cozy and intimate, lit only by the soft glow of the bedside lamp. As you change into your pajamas, Bucky does the same, his movements quiet but sure. When you're both ready, you climb into the bed, the sheets warm against your skin. He slides in beside you, and for a long moment, neither of you speaks.
It’s not a grand gesture or a declaration of anything, just the simple act of being together. His arm drapes over your waist, pulling you close, and you rest your head on his chest. There’s no rush, no expectation.
“Goodnight doll,” he whispers into the quiet, his voice steady and calm.
“Goodnight Buck,” you reply, feeling the weight of the day finally fall away, the quiet peace of being in his presence wrapping around you like a blanket.
And for the first time in a long while, you fall asleep, knowing that tomorrow can wait, and for tonight, you’re exactly where you need to be.
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Thanks for reading! Please reblog & comment <3 would love to hear how you enjoy it and feel free to send in requests!
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jasonsbruce · 3 months ago
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fictional-men-enthusiast · 12 days ago
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Old Flesh + The Parliament is conservatism.
I said what I said and I’m not taking it back.
#awful hospital#text post#shitpost#okay but—#a group of people who want everything to go back to the way it was and try to kill (literally) and erase any chance#I have to believe it was intentional#Jay is a truly wonderfully written and despicable villain because not only is he literally evil through killing and verbal abuse#he’s FIGURATIVELY EVIL in the CONTEXT OF THE THEMING because he SEES and is FULLY AWARE OF the injustices of the Hospital and its treatment#but instead of mobilizing that rage he has to make a change he says fuck it there’s nothing I can do and feeds into that corruption +#actively perpetuates it for his own gain and purposes#HE is a BIG PART of why the Hospital is failing by killing patients#it’s not just apathy it’s weaponized spite for all the wrong reasons#he’s an oppressed minority (a human in the Hospital) who grifts off all the fear and uncertainty#to get what he wants#crash is an apathetic and centrist youth who was radicalized by Fern showing him change could be made#but it was already too late#he felt isolated by all the people in change being blind to injustice and that led him to become being disillusioned#Jay and crash show that while being apathetic and refusing to take a stance even when you see injustice isn’t seen as causing as much#direct physical harm as grifting off misfortune it’s still equally as damaging#crash says I can’t fix it so I won’t do anything#while jay says I can’t fix it so who cares if I make it worse as long as I’m getting mine#I should at least get something from this since I’m suffering from it right?#but they ARE also very much sides of the same coin in a more direct way because they both make people suffer for their own gain#crash is doing it for a sense of petty amusement and Jay is doing it because he needs to have control#and power over SOMETHING by putting others down even if he’s also#doing it for amusement#he’s scared and pathetic which has made a control freak#again jay is a fucking minority grifter who asserts power over those who are also less#fortunate to affirm to himself that he’s one of the good and superior ones#crash just wants to have fun and make the best of it even if that’s at the expense of others
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pyr0man1c · 10 months ago
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“I could fix him” okay? I could fuck him?? It won’t take away the rage and resentment but idk man maybe he had a good time??
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villruu · 8 months ago
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me: this is a hurt/comfort fic, alex won't have too much of a bad time
also me: [puts him in The Situation] [puts him in The Situation] [puts him in The Situation] [puts him in The Situation] [puts him in The Situation] [puts him in The Situation]
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sunlightfeeling · 1 day ago
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I genuinely feel like I dont have a right at all to complain or talk negative about Japanese fans but like……..the evident cliqueish-ness of honestly what looks like a very unfortunate larger chunk of them ……😮‍💨
like i gotta be honest the concert was a lot more isolating than it actually already was in itself because of the vibes at least a couple of clusters of fans gave me
#ramblin but not a gamblin man#like there’s a point where the pretty fixed staring or being like….physically distanced by everyone just gets…..unnerving#like the train back was completely fucking packed#except for in the space in front of where i was sitting…..lol#there was room for at least two people to stand if only people had actually consolidated and scrunched#like they had been doing the entire motherfucking way through transit and back#but i guess fuck them they can wait for the next train??? sure that makes sense#like i have never felt MORE uncomfortable and self-conscious being a smap/takuya fan#he’s the only piece that actually matters at the con tho 🫰#i probably should have brought merch but i actually was not crazy about the con’s theming (it’s…giving a bit too parasocial for my taste)#and I didn’t even consider bringing gwtf or next destination merch but i probably should have#but it’s not actually /mine/ so then i would think about how everyone that has theirs maybe probably ACTUALLY went to the concerts#that was another thing tho which is absolutely stupid because the whole point of a con is to SHOW OFF the stuff#but it was actually like……..off putting to me…….#idk maybe it’s cuz i innately have a weird ‘relationship’ with smap/individual members in that they aren’t normal-level interests#it just wasn’t sitting right with me seeing hoards of fans with bags..shirts..hats..all kinds of stuff lol#and it’s so hard NOT to have a defense mechanism like ‘I wonder if that person likes smap or /just/ takuya….’#and ‘did you actually want to come to the concert or mostly/just because you think he’s hot/cool/etc etc?’#esp validating seeing TWO people yawn during the con which was genuinely pretty disgusting/distasteful lmao#like that’s worse than leaving early why are you EVEN HERE#sorry okay i could probably vent more but i actually shouldnt and also i might end up talking in circles but#he was genuinely…………so amazing im eternally grateful that i had the opportunity to see him live#and if there is a smap reunion………..#….i genuinely think smapchat should storm it#be our own ✨clique✨#(but like…actually nice and kind and probably how takuya would want his fans to be ie not thickly-layered judgment [heehee :3])#(im also actually kind of so serious ???)
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acourtofquestions · 1 month ago
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Dont be angry, Finnula said. Be smart.
#Chapter 23#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Elide Lochan#Finnula#no spoilers pls first read along w me chapter spoilers in post & tags below w more annotations/quotes/notes/reacts/perspective 3 of 4#The City of Rivers… can Aelin get a City of Fire? cuz that would be cool & Elide already said “fear was another companion it can’t be worse#IT WAS LORCANS SHIRT😭 & he cared so much he lied so she’d use it from Gavriel/Rowan😭 OH ELORCAN😭😭😭#Yet this place seemed like a paradise. WHATS REAL? is it a Maeve illusion… but it sounds lovely; like Rowan could just fly around😭#Pink and blue flowers draped from windowsills; little canals wended between some of the streets ferrying people in bright long boats.#And though a good dose of fear would aid in her cover too much would spell her doom. -smart clever spy gal Annabeth Chase would be proud#And this city Rowan had told Elide had been built from stone to keep Brannon or any of his descendants from razing it to the ground.#when u know ur evil cuz you had to build in a backup plan for the day Brannons peeps eventually come to shut that shit down… my poor Aelin#Elide fought the limp that grew with each step farther into the city--farther away from Gavriel's magic… or Lorcan’s👀😭🖤🤨#okay Elide I see your mirror mirror Aos moves with the berry listen and compact trick she can do it with a broken heart#cycle. She hadn't been able to find the words anyway. Not with what it would crumple in her chest to even think them. WELL NOW IM CRUMPLED#As if she'd been weeping for weeks… yeah that fits the KoA vibes#But it wasn't the reflection she wanted to see. But rather the square behind her. — BRILLIANT QUEEN — lol thx Lorcan for having a mirror#if only anything could be a witch mirror then they could all cell chat and communicate cause the travel time in this one is rough#she was merely staring into a compact mirror no more than a self-conscious girl trying to fix her frazzled appearance — she is the best spy#A girl trying to muster some dignity. Let them see what they wanted to see-A girl far out of her element in this lovely well-dressed city#cornflower blue ALWAYS THESE SHADES#her golden-brown skin shone with an inner light. Her eyes were soft with kindness. And concern.#had always made them foolishly off guard and eager to get away. To tell her what she needed to know. — funny 2 watch Elide do this after HoF#The sort of voice Elide had always imagined great beauties possessing the sort of voice that made men fall all over themselves.#Cairn. One of the males swore; the other scanned Elide from head to toe. But the two females had gone still. — agreed he’s the worst#the portrait of hope—yeah child’s right cause no—Elide always naming pe​ople—If you escaped Cairn don't go looking for him again.—true#Cairn is blood-sworn to our queen. Still makes him a prick TRUTH — doesn’t need to be a far to catch the lie — WHERE IS SHE DAMNIT#She was about to do it again wheen… The dark-haired beauty from the tavern was standing behind her. — SHIT#Maeve was not in Doranelle. How long would that remain true? Had to make the next performance count. — how many had she done this already?🥹😭
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dandyshucks · 2 months ago
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seeing ppl say that theyre going to kiss and hug all his trauma away makes me insane bc thats so not how it works 😭😭😭 not to be "u don't understand him like i do" but CMON... that sort of trauma doesnt work like that.... its not a "romance fixes everything" situation.... and i know half the time ppl are just being somewhat silly and not actually serious but i just get so irritated w the trope of "just get into a relationship and it'll fix all ur trauma :]" bc its EVERYWHEREEE
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dutybcrne · 3 months ago
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@strdstd replied to your post:
{...Pyro Boothill thinkings are being thunked-}
👀
#strdstd#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//This idea has reached you so now I raise: WHAT IF THIS CONCEPT BUT APPLY IT TO KHAENRI'AHNS#//What of part of the immortality curse is the fact that they can get torn apart/killed; and no matter how brutal; they just#//CANNOT die#//And suffer every moment through the revival process#//Shit like Halfdan in the Chasm is actually a mercy bc they've been freed from that terrible cycle#//but ye#//Thinkings of Dain just#//Heckin SUFFERING every time he gets slaughtered during a bout with a Herald/Lector#//And as he's wheezing that telltale rattle of a dying breath; he bleakly knows he's just gonna have to get up and keep fighting#//he will NEVER know peace#//And curses his own existence as his vision fades; knowing he will experience the trauma and sweet release of death only BRIEFLY#//Before he will inevitably snap awake in agony and have to bear it until every wound is healed and he is 'whole' again#//Knowing more of his body will prolly have been afflicted with Abyssal energy in the process#//Each 'death' and 'revival' making him more and more afflicted with it each and every time as it keeps thinking it needs to 'fix' its host#//Which is worse for him over most Khaenri'ahns considered he's so entrenched and exposed to such energy in his fight#//...or is that too dark kjdkgfg#//Okay adding to this bc I realized I veered lol#//BH gaining that sort of ability with a Pyro Vision is GOD TIER#//Bc can you imagine him dying for the first time with it#//And feeling such terrible FEAR all he's done is for naught; his family will go unavenged#//Only for the Instant the darkness closes on him; he feels such horrible AGONY and snaps back awake with a gasp#//He's still himself with his cyborg body; but he's ALIVE and RESTORED before his deathwound even if a lil banged up#//And each subsequent 'death' only serves to make him more and more reckless as he realizes he ain't got nothin to lose#//Tumbling further into the self-dehumanizing as seeing himself & his body as nothing more than a means to an end#//Bc now more than ever he 'doesn't matter' nor does worrying abt going 'too far' and 'self-destructing'#//Not realizing each 'death' is actually traumatizing him in the long run; no matter how cool he tries to play it#//Worse still if each 'death' leaves those very killing wounds marked on his body as reminders#//And each subsequent revival only tires him out more than more (bc it must rlly take a LOT of out him)
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lesbianlanarcher · 2 years ago
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just think about it, okay ––– 
sterling wakes up from his coma, three years of his life gone, he'll never get that back, so he tries not to dwell on it. nor does he wish to dissect his dreams because thinking back to those lives he made up is dangerously close to introspection which he is adamantly against. so, he shifts focus, tries to acclimate himself to whatever his life is now. being alone sucks, sleeping with random women sucks less but that doesn't last, drinking makes him feel worse but he's not ever giving that up for anything. doing everything he used to before is pointless and, plainly, nauseating. he needs people, he’s realised... he needs to feel grounded, needs to hear laughter, needs to be in the centre of a crowded room, needs to feel real again or just feel something again. but he doesn't have many people he can call on to help him out. a stripper isn't gonna solve his problems, bartenders have heard it all before, no one wants to level with him; new york does not care. who's left? his friends, distant colleagues, these people he was forced into a working relationship with all those years ago, the people who have known him the longest, whatever he fuck they are too – they aren't there either.
who does sterling have to help him out when he needs it most? who does his mind go to purely out of instinct? who does he crave when he knows he shouldn’t? who can make him feel both shittier and lift his spirits at the same time? who is unlike anyone else? who will he always want?
~
“Lana.”
He shouldn’t be doing this.
“I bet you’re busy with that... that... creature.”
But he wants to.
“That bald fuck.”
And he always gets his way.
“Stupid prick.”
He takes a swig of... something. Some random bottle that was hidden right at the back of the drybar because he’s already drowned himself in everything else. 
“Or you’re still ignoring my calls.”
It’s been hard adjusting to a life without Woodhouse. Well, it’s been hard adjusting in general. But Woodhouse not being there anymore is the perfectly slick cherry atop the shitheap that is his turd cake of a life. So, it feels apt. 
“Which is a shitty thing to do. You know, I just got out of a three-year coma? A coma? You know what one of those are?”
Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he knows he deserves everything he gets. He’s stacked up a lot of bad karma, it was bound to catch up to him at some point. He just didn’t expect it to feel so... crushing. And he definitely didn’t think his punishment would be this lonesome either.
“Yeah, you know. You just don’t care.”
He thought everyone would be falling through his apartment door to spend time with him, ask him how it felt to be in a coma, show some form of interest in his return. 
“And, I mean, why should you?”
It never came. 
“It’s not like, hah, it’s not like we have a child together or anything.”
And from her? Nothing. Not a word. He spewed his guts, heart, lungs, intestines, everything... confessed to her at that gala and... nothing.
“Oh, wait, my mistake. We don’t.”
He tried - fuck - he tried to tell her everything he could. Everything he should have told her the very second he knew she was the only thing in his life that held any sort of value. Everything he was capable of saying without choking on the words, without gagging and wanting to throw up, he said it. 
“Because she doesn’t even know me. AJ doesn’t know her father.”
But it wasn’t enough.
“Because you replaced me.”
It might not ever be enough.
“Everyone replaced me. Me.”
His words won’t ever be good enough for her. 
“Like I never fucking existed in the first place.”
Words are all he has now, as empty as they may seem. Saying it wasn’t easy. Confronting that part of himself, the part that craves and needs and wants her is akin to torture. And Sterling knows torture well. What he doesn’t know is how he can prove that any more; how he can prove himself to her. He’s wronged her in the past, sure, but that doesn’t take away from the fact he loves her. Can’t she see that? That he fucking adores her. That he would do anything for her, that he would die in less than a heartbeat for her, he would give everything up for her to kiss him again.
“Maybe that’s what you all wanted, though? Maybe me being in a coma was the best thing that ever happened to everyone? Maybe...”
And she’s never said it back to him, not once. Perhaps in her actions, like he’s told her again and again just what she means to him, but she has never told him directly. Never said the words. No one has. Not in a manner that means anything substantial, anyway. 
“Maybe you should have just pulled the plug.”
Perhaps no one is capable of showing him that affection he so sorely needs. Katya could have... He thought she might have been the only one to rival Lana, the only other woman who could keep him distracted and occupied, but even that was tainted and turned against him. Like most things. Ruined.
“What was the point of keeping me alive?”
So, he figures he’s not meant for it. To be loved. Not meant to be shown that side of life that comes so, so fucking easy for everyone else.
“If I was gonna come back to this? What was the point, Lana?”
He has wealth in an over-abundance, any woman - or man - he wants he could probably get, and endless supply of liquor. He has it all. Doesn’t he?
“You don’t have to give me any real answers,” He laughs, abruptly and slightly manically, “You probably won’t even listen to this,” then, takes another swig of whatever bottle is dangling limply from his hand, “Good, don’t. Save us both the embarrassment. Right? Just ignore it. Like everything else. Ignore me.”
He doesn’t bother to disconnect the voice message, just tightens his hand around the phone until he can feel the muscles in his arm scream out in pain. Fucking nerve damage. Incensed even more, he hurls the device across the room where it smashes against the wall and falls to the floor, partially shattered. 
Another apt metaphor, he thinks, the bottle back to his lips, feverishly sucking from it like he’ll get what he needs when he reaches the bottom and drains it. 
The truth is, he never will.
But that doesn’t stop him from trying.
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cncbb · 8 months ago
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Jamie Muscato Heathers the Musical JD I would do crimes with you
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themyscirah · 8 months ago
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Started thinking about the Amanda Waller + Ben Turner relationship again.... fuck, I'm gonna need a minute
#I JUST- SHDIAUDJSHDSHEYEYRYRYRY guys. guys#i know none of you see my vision and thats okay. i will make you see my vision. i will force you to see my vision. i will-#like jesus fucking christ oh my god. its so interesting and gives me so many emotions and just!!!#i know im not making sense bc none of my moots are sui sq fans and also like half of the content fucking me up specifically here is in my#head because i cant stop thinking about my absolute power fix it au but like!!!!!!!#also the fact i have a fix it for a comic that isnt out yet is so funny to me. its literally fucking real though. god knows we need it#may my own content carry me through the dark times (extreme villain waller arc)#anyways this fucks me up so bad you dont even know. someday ill actually explain it#dc hire me to write a suicide squad ongoing PLEASE. i could do it so good it would be so fucking good dc PLEASE 😭😭😭😭😭😭#also like this isnt me shipping them btw. like 110% not that. just to clarify.#i wouldnt even call it a friendship bc like. theyre not friends really. he has the most equal dynamic with her i would say but it still isnt#equal. shes v much his boss even though they have an understanding and respect there#like she believes and trusts in him much more than anybody really even himself. like she sees the good man and the leader even when he#doesnt. but she isnt nice about it. and there is a lot of conflict between them when there needs to be#like as much as ben is “wallers man”--the team leader she wanted from the beginning before rick flagg pushed his way in#ben i would say is still a very moral person even when lost and unsure of himself and his goodness (which is like one of his main things)#like i feel like while amanda can lean very into a “the ends justify the means” mindset in her worse moments and do bad things to get#herself out of a corner ben has like a deep and meaningful understanding of how the choices of your methods and how you act can weigh on you#like even though he was brainwashed and whatnot (thats still the story right? i cant remember) he holds a lot of guilt and baggage over his#actions and i think is able to temper amanda's worse tendencies in terms of that by calling her out when he recognizes that behavior#idk. i just really think that amanda waller and the suicide squad as a whole has lost its way without a more moral authority presence there.#like someone who can call her out and keep them more on track. which i really thing ben is and could be#i just very much am interested in their dynamic and how that would look like as equals and how i think they could help each other.#which ofc is what my wip is about and revolves around#blah#sui sq
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bottomvalerius · 8 months ago
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Started a Stardew replay cause of the update thinking I’d romance someone new (I’ve only married Shane & Sebastian lmao) only to speed run dating Shane by the middle of summer in my first year lmao
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running-in-the-dark · 9 months ago
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it has to be said though, I had a lovely rest of the day after my breakdown this morning. it was very cathartic. painted for like eight hours after that, and had a good time doing it.
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