#it's not too bad it's just weird and I'm not use to it.
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the-sslimmest-shady · 2 days ago
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This is something I would've related to really really hard a few months ago. Here's what I have to say about it:
Time is weird for me, for multiple reasons. I ain't gonna list em here, it'd be too long and convoluted, but yall probably know what I'm talking about. You're super depressed, no executive function, you're just trying to make it to friday, etc, you usually end up losing track of time. After a few days of just being absolutely out of it, i decide to redecorate my phone screen cuz i wanted to add a widget of my crush (now partner!) to my home screen and replace my old phone background (it was based around my ex, so that makes sense) and when I added the iamsober widget, I saw that I accidentally got a sober streak of like 15 days(!) and thought "hey, that's actually really good! I feel like i need to "fix" that... but i wonder how long i can keep it up?" and since then, staying sober is like a game to me. Like, how long can I keep the steak up? I don't wanna restart my progress! The number is on the home page of my phone with the widget! I see it go up every day! Seeing that progress in real time gives me like, an unreasonable amount of dopamine ngl. Its hecome the best idle game honestly and is SO surprisingly helpful.
I still get bad urges (like, it feels like actual chemical withdrawls) like, every day, but the only thing I've used the razor in my phone case for in 141 days now (that's almost 3/4 of the way to 200!!!) has been cutting thread when I lost the scissors when I was sewing. Like, even though I got Ds in all my classes this semester, I'm actually proud of myself for something. It's such a weird feeling, since Im not usually proud of myself for anything, but it's also a really really good feeling. I actually have milestones to look forward to for once!! It actually makes me so happy and is honestly kinda exhilarating
This is all to say, getting sober isn't easy. It's hell and takes work. But, if you just reframe the way you look at it, it can be so, so much easier. You can even start completely on accident like me. You got this.
(And sometimes poor time management works out in your favor! Dont beat urself up over everything (litterally!) :] )
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I hope someone relates 😔
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utilitycaster · 3 days ago
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1. My biggest isssue (as a POC) is when is a character POC or otherized? Do we use IRL or in world? Beau is Human, brown woman. At no point in C2 is the fact that she is brown comes up other than discriptions. Her humaness is what matters especially in the COB. She is treated the same aa Caleb. Fjord, Nott and Molly havs far more in text displays of racism towards them. Ppl dismiss jester as being "white" but insist dorian is poc. When in world they are the same colour.
2. And teiflings would be more discriminated against. I know robbie is poc and dorian is blue but hes a genasi. In the world of exandria i view him and ashton as the same race. So i see these weird arguments online and its always a cross steam trying to use both in world races and irl to prove a point. Since i am examining the world of exandria i use the races displayed there and no attention to what the people look like irl. Also it avoids unintentional sterotyping down the road
3. An example ppl drawing drow and ashton with black racial features (my own) and then someone else complaing that the fandom made the asshole and the would be villian into black men. This fanon has unintended consequences once the story is fully fleshed out. Saying Orym is non white (despite Liams art direction) is bad because people to this day are mad Marisha made beau dark. It cant be both way. This way ppl can headcanon stuff so they dont have 2 go looking for other ips for representation.
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So this is a really good point and I am, as said, an ethnic/religious minority but not a racial one and so this is how I tend to interpret this stuff in fantasy works, especially ones that have multiple species (humans, elves, etc) as it's not limited to Critical Role (ie, happens in Dragon Age too), which I think is what you're saying here but feel free to let me know if I'm wrong:
There's "is this character treated, in-world, as racialized" (which is often more contextual in a lot of fictional works in a way it is not IRL due to patterns of colonialism in our world, which is a long conversation I'm probably not equipped to articulate well, but just as an example, Fjord is racialized as a half-orc on the Menagerie Coast, but half-orcs in Yios, for example would have a very different experience). In other words, do people within the work of fiction discriminate against them on the basis of race? Anyway, as you said, Fjord, Molly, Jester, and Veth in her goblin form are treated as The Other; Fjord (and Molly, though his memory is only a few years long) grew up with this experience whereas Jester and Veth grew up, for different reasons, sheltered from or unaffected by that discrimination. Beau didn't experience racism in-world, nor did Veth in her halfling form, despite both of them being visibly nonwhite. For a Dragon Age example, Bellara, Davrin, and Antoine grew up with racism as elves, but Neve did not (and indeed comments on using her privilege as a human mage among human mages) despite being visibly nonwhite (and despite Antoine being white).
There's then "is this character treated out of world as racialized", or in other words, do fans treat them as nonwhite. This is also complicated, and this is something I can speak to as Jewish people who are not also POC experience 'conditional whiteness', ie, when right-wing people want to hate Jews we are the nonwhite infiltrator and when left-wing (and often themselves white) people want to hate them they are the white oppressor. So racist fans will hate characters who are nonwhite (like Beau) and fans trying to prove their blorbo cannot be criticized on the basis of oppression. In this case, Beau and Veth are nonwhite; Fjord and Jester often vary depending on what argument the person wants to make; Molly, as opposed to Jester, is almost NEVER drawn with nonwhite features (which frankly says a LOT of unflattering things about the white queer centering, now that I think about it); etc.
And then there's "is the actor/creator racialized in real life," ie, Robbie, Aabria, Anjali, Utkarsh, Aimee, Christian, Mica, Khary, etc are all POC and the main cast are not. Most of their characters are nonwhite, but few are racialized - Shakaste, Deanna, Bor'Dor, Opal, Deni$e, and Reani do not experience racism within this setting. Genasi (as played by Anjali, Robbie, and Taliesin) are a complicated case of being tokenized/model minority within the Empire, and the Silken Squall being inspired by native culture but their role within the world only slightly touched upon such that it's hard to draw a definitive conclusion.
And, since I referenced it in the tags elsewhere, for an NPC case: Essek is racialized by the people of the Empire (as a drow) along with the rest of the Dynasty; he is not racialized within the Dynasty and is indeed in a privileged position there; and whether or not he's treated as nonwhite by the fandom depends on whether someone wants to hate on him or defend him on the basis of identity. He is an NPC, and Matt's white, but in theory could be controlled by a nonwhite GM such as Aabria, or a nonwhite player in the way that Robbie played Cerkonos.
Anyway: completely agree that a lot of people do this in the end so that they don't have to seek out like, Desiquest or Rivals of Waterdeep or Into the Motherlands or other APs run by actual real nonwhite people either because of parasocial connections to the cast, the fact that CR has a larger fandom and they want the attention, or the fact that often they are here for white queer characters and bring in nonwhite characters (and headcanons of white characters) as some kind of armor against criticism.
I think in terms of character interpretation you do need to consider both in-world (Fjord is textually treated as the racial other to the point of self-harming to fit in; you cannot treat him as The Racial Majority in the world without being noncanonical) and out-of-world (irl people are racist towards Beau) but yeah a lot of people really want to have it both ways.
This happens a lot with queerness too - one of the big backlashes I experienced during this campaign is when I pointed out that Exandria is not, in fact, a setting with systemic homophobia and Imogen's experience of being othered in Gelvaan is an extremely bad metaphor for queerness given that she can read people's minds and almost killed two people, but it is true that people irl may be homophobic towards Imogen as a character. But again, you need to be consistent in those arguments - if you are talking about in-world racism or homophobia, you cannot bring up Imogen or Beau, who do not experience these things. If you are talking about fandom racism, you can bring up Beau. And if your issue is racism and representation in the real world, you can and should push back on (for example) people being racist towards Utkarsh for daring to exist and not know every rule of D&D when Emily Axford is onscreen but also we are watching a show of 8 white people when there are other actual plays with a more diverse cast. And yeah, fanon isn't canon and if the character is only nonwhite in your mind, it is not racist of people to disagree or to not vibe with them and it's also worth checking, if you are headcanoning someone with an identity you do not personally have, to see if you're falling into harmful stereotypes. Why are you headcanoning Orym, a character who doesn't experience in-world discrimination, played by a white man, as nonwhite, instead of seeking out works with textually nonwhite or racialized characters? And why are you incapable of accepting that sometimes you'll like a character who is not on every single axis of oppression and it's like, fine, provided you work against oppression in your real world life? If your faves are always white or always men (or, frankly, always demographically like you) then maybe take a look at yourself and who you are capable of relating to, but if you have a mixture of diverse favorite characters it's fine if not every one of them checks every single box.
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buniwrite · 3 days ago
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your instagram dating hitoka yachi ♡
requested by: meli 𖹭.ᐟ (@moonym3li) ! tysm for requesting ♡
note: this was so silly to make augggg. wuh luh wuh !! i hope you get the lesbaras reference, if not it's this. also finding cute pics with blonde haired girls was so hard so please just imagine you and yachi in the pics (◞‸ ◟)
fem! reader × hitoka yachi !
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rollingthunder: the type of excuse i wish i had for being late
→ yy/nie: LMDAOOOOO
chiiien: daichi and ukai are looking for you 💀
→ yaichigo: oh.. i'm so cooked
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yaichigo: i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you
yaichigo: I'M GONNA BITE YOU WHEN I SEE YOU
→ yy/nie: NOT IF I BITE YOU FIRST
→ buzzcut: lesbaras are so weird
→ yy/nie: omg did you just quote the queen of the village
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yams: my favourite girls 😭😭
→ tsukki: real
→ yy/nie: HUH
→ yaichigo: HUH
yy/nie: *twirls my hair* hehe you're so pretty
→ suga_0: wuh luh wuh-d so hard bro started roleplaying
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yaichigo: it was so fun my love !! love you too, happy anniversary to us <3
→ yy/nie: MWAK
suga_0: congrats !! and omg yachi i didn't know you drew this well, y/n can i see yours?
→ yy/nie: OH HELL NAH SHE HUMBLED ME SO BAD
shoooyo: congratulations ‼️🗣️
→ yy/nie: thank you shooo
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thank you for reading ♡
masterlist | about me | request rules
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neeeooon · 9 hours ago
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How would Blue Lock guys react to their S/O having a stalker? And how would they "deal" with it? I want my protective boys
MY FIRST REQUEST TYSMMMM idk which guys so i used the wheel lol i hope you enjoy!! lmk if you want a part 2 for anyone i missed 🫶🤍
when you have a stalker ;
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bf blue lock x gn!reader. some sections may be unsettling (still sfw)!
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itoshi rin
-> rin has never been a fan of pda. he loves it when you play with his fingers and hold his hands when you’re together, but never in public. he never felt the need to be "protective" until recently
-> the two of you were at the beach when you suddenly noticed someone following you. usually, you wouldn't pay it much mind, but something about this guy irked you
-> you pulled gently on rin's arm to get his attention and subtly nodded your head in the guy's direction. "he's been following us since the shop. it's really freaking me out..." you were a bit embarrassed to admit it, but rin didn't blow you off or belittle you
-> to your surprise, rin shot the man a glare while tossing a lazy arm around your shoulder. you'd been expecting simple words of comfort, not pda
-> you tried not to enjoy the feeling of your boyfriend's arm around you since you could tell he wasn't comfortable. still, the fact that he was willing to do this for you made you smile at him lovingly
-> "is he gone?" rin asked after a minute, but kept you in his grasp even after you said yes. you smiled to yourself when he let you snuggle into his side without complaint
bachira meguru
-> he noticed something was off before you did, which he found slightly concerning
-> you'd been so distracted with work and school that you never realized the man constantly hanging out in your peripheral until bachira's grip tightened on your hand one day
-> "that's the same guy from the park, right?" you looked back at bachira's observation and frowned. "weird... he looks oddly familiar. i think i've seen him before."
-> that freaked him out (thankfully), and bachira made sure to stay close to you and go out of his way to make sure you weren't doing anything alone while you were in public
-> "aren't you being a bit overprotective?" "nope! you have a weirdo stalker, y/n. i'm gonna protect you!" "stalker? like raichi?" bachira just sighed.
-> he never had to physically intervene since the man never got too close, but his lingering presence was starting to weigh on you. finally, bachira had enough and gently pinched your cheek before approaching the man
-> you don't know what was said, but the man stumbled out of his seat and darted off after a few seconds of listening to bachira. "what did you say?" you asked when he returned. bachira feigned a look of innocence and shrugged. "funny. i can't remember!" but whatever he said worked, because you never saw the guy again
kunigami rensuke
-> you were paying for some skittles for your movie date with kunigami when a man at the register beside you quickly handed his card to your cashier. you blinked at the odd interaction and looked up to see him grinning at you rather awkwardly
-> “sorry, i should have asked if it was okay before just paying for you like that…” he seemed genuine enough, so you shook your hands out and grabbed your skittles. “no, that’s okay! thank you so much. you really didn’t have to, though!”
-> he introduced himself to you and started telling you a bit about himself. since he bought your skittles, you felt bad for ditching him, but your boyfriend was waiting on you and you could practically feel his gaze on your back
-> “hah, that’s so cool! look, i’m really sorry, but—“ “oh, no worries! i'll see you again, y/n." he was still smiling, but yours suddenly dropped. you never gave him your name
-> you immediately took a step back, and it was clear by the sudden shift in his expression that you had made a mistake
-> he threw a hand securely over your mouth and began pulling you to the exit, but before he could take you far, you heard your boyfriend yelling your name
-> the guy freaked out and dropped you, but security went after him as kunigami fell to your side. "what the hell?! i was.. are you hurt?"
-> you were a bit shaken up and had a little scratch on your cheek, but you were fine. you had to drag kunigami away with you when he saw the cut on your face and made him promise to drop it for your sake
karasu tabito
-> you'd been getting cryptic messages for weeks to the point where karasu was at your back every time your phone dinged. you'd tried to go to the police about it, but they said no actual harm had been done, so there was nothing they could do
-> you were out shopping with karasu when he stepped away to return something. as you were sifting through shirts, this random guy approached you and started talking as if you were friends
-> you awkwardly smiled to be polite, internally panicking when you realized the way he spoke reminded you of the creepy texts you were getting
-> when he asked if you wanted to leave with him, you stepped away and told him that your boyfriend was "right over there." you could tell that the guy was getting frustrated and even had the nerve to place a hand on your shoulder before he was suddenly pulled away
-> you couldn’t hear what was exchanged, but you saw how tense karasu’s shoulders were and how quickly the guy scampered off
-> "was that him?" he asked before taking your face in his hands and checking you for any damage. "are you okay?"
-> you nodded and forced yourself to stop shaking. "i think so. i'm okay, i just want to leave." you slowly pulled your phone from your bag, which had been recording the entire incident. "think this counts as enough evidence?"
-> he kept an arm securely around your waist and didn't let go until you were back in the safety of your home with your restraining order in hand
itoshi sae
-> he can ignore many things, but anything surrounding you or your well-being? absolutely not
-> he was in spain for work when you told him about the creepy feelings you were getting at your job. like someone was watching you during the last hour or so of your shift
-> since he couldn't be there with you for another few days, sae tried to think logically and keep you calm. meanwhile, he was texting your boss to make sure someone would walk you to your car every night
-> his flight home was originally scheduled for a saturday, but sae had this sinking feeling in his gut and was able to catch an earlier flight. the first thing he did when he landed was go straight to your workplace to see you
-> he hastily pulled into a parking spot when you didn't answer his call and asked your co-worker where you were. he found you out back, cornered by a large, creepy man. "i said no! i have a boyfriend, go away!"
-> sae stepped forward and grabbed the guy by the hair to pull his face out of your personal space. "the fuck? who are you?!" "the boyfriend." sae nodded his head to you, and you kicked the man as hard as you could between the legs
-> you immediately stepped over him and into your boyfriend's open arms. "you're home early!" "i had a bad feeling." though you were able to protect yourself, you were eternally grateful that sae was there by your side
shidou ryusei
-> he’s too confident to get jealous, but with that said, he can be a tad overly protective of you
-> shidou's with you all the time. always touching you, whispering things in your ear, playing with your hair, basically doing everything in his power to be near you when you're together
-> if anything, he made your stalker work extra hard to get you alone since he had to orchestrate a grand scheme just to get shidou away from you, even if it was only for a minute
-> it worked, though. you were enjoying a day at the mall together when you asked your boyfriend to hold your bag so you could run to the restroom. while he had his back turned, as if daring anyone to try and steal your bag from him, your stalker followed you
-> you nearly pissed yourself when someone grabbed you by the arm and tried to shove you into an 'employees only' closet. the guy got one good tug on your shirt sleeve before he was shoved off
-> you were reminded of how protective your boyfriend is when he straddled the guy and punched him until his knuckles bleed. you didn't stop him
-> when shidou was done "defending your honor" he wiped his hand on his pants before fixing your shirt and nudging your cheek with his finger. "you alright there, darling?" you nodded and hugged his arm. "i am now."
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urautismdiagnosis · 1 day ago
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Pokes u
Do you have Barnacles Headcanons to share with his wife (aka me)
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YES also sorry for the late response lol uhhh this is mostly just stuff from my au lol and its got different world building than the show does
Ok first off some context, in my au the reasons for PEOPLE species to have different traits is more based on environmental factors and conflicts between other groups of people. 👌
There are definitely some wild species that aren't even intelligent enough to have nearly any sapience (in simple terms its self awareness) that would probably end up being food or wtv, but like going based off of irl stuff polar bears mostly need high fat diets and unless there are a TON extra of high fat food fish thatd make the arctic pretty hard to survive
Unless ofc 👀 well they are PEOPLE people so u can convince me they'd have somehow domesticated either musk or (hoofed arctic animal) or bred some other kind of milk producing animal as a source of food
All I'm saying is that he could and would and has eaten an entire wheel of cheese before
And he absolutely has a secret stash of high fat snacks because I think he might be a liiiiittttle bit self conscious about it
Because he realized that arctic animals and non arctic animals have HUGE differences in social norms and apparently most animals don't have at least 3 inches of fat minimum on their entire body???
And its not cuz hes embarrassed of the fat, its normal and healthy, he just doesn't want to go from Trustworthy and Reliable Captain of thr Octonauts to "oh my god i need like an entire cheesecake rn to feel normal" in front of everyone cuz like 😭 he is a bit of a comfort eater. Like ah yes our strong and level headed captain is eating an entire box of oreos at 2 am because he misses his sister again 😭
Ofc the others do find out but there isn't any judgement if anything kwazii would probably join him, bro has a history of having weird food habits (hm wonder why... surely nothing related to being shipwrecked on an island and having to survive) and its nice
He does like, have THE best snacks tho and he might be hoarding them just a tiny bit-
he also can feel a bit worried about coming off as too large or intimidating so thats why he's always got his hands on his hips- and his head lowered down a bit
its not that he seems like physically scary but a larger presence can be intimidating for a lot of people
Teeth and claws aren't usually seen as intimidating in most scenarios in this world because its so common and is just like a feature of the species the same way hearing or smell can be btw
so yeah someone threatening to scratch ya can be scary but so can someone being able to find you because they can hear ur heartbeat 💀🙏
Back to the main point, like all the other octonauts aren't even like medium sized animals (like wolves and whatever), there ALL very small species. So hes like way in the upper range, the highest and tallest possible species while everyone else are all smaller ones specifically
So if barnacles is Actually Mad (💀 the scenario to make him genuinely mad has to be BAD) then he will go to his FULL HEIGHT
Cuz irl polar bears got very tall strong necks and etc so I think him standing at Full Serious Height would be very startling
Also about polar bears sense of smell!
Circling back to the adaptations being related to survival pressures and social ones
Polar bears in this world, use their sense of smell for something very important in the arctic: navigation, above and below water
It prevents things like getting lost in the wintery white world, which is so so easy for others. It can help find others than might be lost, and it can tell u if they r injured or not and I think thats precious
there is one problem tho, while their sense of smell is VERY strong, stronger than bloodhounds and etc, its made for being able to detect things very far away in freezing temperatures... so they're extremely sensitive
Which wouldn't be that much of an issue if barnacles wasn't in all sorts of more tropical environments...
In thr artic all u can smell is other people, animals, and which was is home
But if he's not in the octopod or under the water,but somewhere where there's THOUSANDS of insects,hundreds of pollinating plants, and tons and tons of different creatures all at once-
I think thats be overwhelming and he's probably be allergic to sooooooo many plants poor guy 🥺
Also even tho he like trims and thins out his thick coat, and even has a little cooling pack vest sort of thing under his uniform he can still overheat pretty easily
Cuz yk, the several inches of brown fat or blubber? Someone might say "hey just adjust ur diet and whatever to lose it" but that would be VERY UNHEALTHY for him... mess with the balance of his bodys systems yk? so its really not an option;^;
So yeah he still tends to overheat and thats why having his room canoncially set to actual arctic temperatures every night helps him sleep better and feel better
Usually alot of octonauts missions happen under water or in gups or maybe they'll spend some time on an island and it'll be hot
But with extended time spent in warmer climates he has to take alot more breaks and it can be alot harder for him
Also I think that he had a period in his early 20s college years where he was like kinda lowkey depressed because he was learning more about global warming and capitalism
, it didn't last too long fortunately because yk he met professor inkling who was already developing his idea for the octonauts
and they actuslly became really good friends and it really came together as a realistic thing when tweak got wind of em
On a more depressing note global warming for polar bears in a world where they're actual people with a unique culture and heritage means some totally different stuff
Like its not even the fact they can't even engage in their own cultural traditions (cough traveling in that one arctic global warming special where they were all exhausted cuz all the melted sea ice cough)
Its also the loss of genuine homes (in my au they're kinda like ice hobbit houses 🥰since polar bears irl will dig out shallow resting spots or mama bears will have dens with a toasty 30 degrees farenheit), architectural collapses, traditional jobs that can only be done in the arctic being lost, and being forced into more southern grounds because more and more just can't rely living there anymore
And I think that'd be super depressing to see in real time, its a cultural death
Heck even irl there's so many grizzlies going north and polar going south that they've actually started to mix and start having hybrids (grolar bears). And the thing is they're so genetically compatible that their species can actually develope into their own separate identity that might totally replace most if not all polar bears sense they're just more adapt to the changing climate and have more range,with benefits from both species
And while that sounds great on paper and makes sense and is obviously fine for them to have easier lives, I think in thr context of this world it would leave barnacles with some conflicted feelings
Because the thing is there used to be concerns about polar bears having to leave their homes to live is societies and communities that just... that their jobs wouldn't fit to. That would be physically harder for them to be healthy in. That they'd have to give up so many thousands of years of traditions thatd be impossible to carry over in.
Idk its late and I've got one braincell and idk if this makes sense and im sorry if it got depressing 😭
But yeah, so there's more and more of these younger people grolar bears, that just... will never have that full connection to their heritage. And idk I think its sad and maybe I'm projecting
Also I think that if barnacles was ever sad he'd just cope by playing the accordian lol,like the one meme of the girl playing "its a mental breakdown ✨" on a kazoo 😭
Let's end this on a happier note tho, circling back to barnacles being several feet taller than his entire crew, like-
We all already know this guy emotionally adopts every living being in sight
And well, his ENTIRE CREW literally, and I mean very literally and physically, looks up to him-
Like they all gotta turn their heads up and loon at him with big hopeful eyes ready for whatever he has to say
And im gonna be honest his composure is alot stronger than mine cux I would CRY because of how adorable that is
Like he knows its probably so unprofessional and might be seen as condescending BUT DAMN IT HE CANT HELP THR CUTENESS AGRESSION!!! HE WANTS TO SQUISH THEIR TINY FACES!!!
so sometimes hell have a very Serious and Leadership-like Captain Conversation, and then thr SECOND hes out of their sight (and hopefully hearing) HE JUST HAS TO STOP HIMSELF FROM JUST CRYING-
Cuz the second hes out of sight he will LOSE ALL COMPOSURE and need a minute because he loves them so much AND THEYRE SO FCKING SMALL-
Its kinda funny tho cuz ur captain barnacles is a pretty tiny guy, wonder howd that work for u XD
Anyways gn or whatever time it is for u 🐻‍❄️✨✨✨
Also he and Bianca call at least every week for an hour and frequently send eachother updates about what they're up to
He could talk to her about anything and she's good at talking sense into him
He makes sure that natquick gets plenty of social interaction too, that man is like his father figure
(Kinda sad but I headcanon barnacles dad died when he was really young cuz of an accident where ice collapsed, probably did not help how he felt when he got stuck in an icy hole as a kid 💀🙏)
ALSO
Barnacles looking up at u vvv
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Barnaclea being his lil theater kid self^
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Wait~ they don't love you ✨like I love you ✨🥰
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Barnacles half awake at a late night mission when everything is done and they're just driving the gup a back home
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Barnacles and Bianca on a video call
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uncannydevotion · 3 days ago
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So I was going through this account and your old account (loved you and your writing since foreverr), and I kind of saw how Liu/Sully are characterized as overprotective (I don’t know if that’s the proper term or if I’m even reading the character right lmao), but like…lowkey what would happen if theres a relationship and they become too suffocating and the s/o tries to break it off? Would they crash out? 😭 (in a possible yandere way?)
squeezing you affectionately i wasnt gonna write today i really wasnt but but but this got sent in and i just. here. here. take this.
warnings: written in one sitting and not proofread, yandere content, unhealthy relationships, dependency, stalking, overprotective behavior, behavior that can be considered obsessive, sully points a gun at you im sorry, implied kidnapping.
wc: 1.4k words.
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Liu wasn't a bad guy.
You knew this intimately. Liu was far from a horrible guy. From the moment you met him, he was nothing but kind and understanding. He has his flaws, sure, but so does every other person. And those flaws never took away from how... nice he was.
It was easy falling in love with him, really. He never tried forcing anything on you, he always listened, he remembered everything you told him, even things that most people would consider minor. Honestly, you were shocked to learn that he wasn't already dating someone.
And Sully... well, he's not as nice as Liu.
It took you time to get used to him when he introduced himself to you. Unlike Liu, Sully didn't seem to really... care about people. He was selfish, and was the type to just do things without thinking much about how it could harm others. He never actively tried hurting others, but he never cared if he did either.
So when you found yourself falling in love with Sully as well, it left you feeling a bit... guilty, to be honest. Not only because Sully was... well... Sully, but also because you were already in love with Liu, so isn't it weird being in love with someone else too? But it didn't feel wrong loving them both.
To be honest, when you did start dating them, nothing changed. Liu was as kind as ever, if not a bit more openly affectionate, and Sully was still pretty mean at times, but he was less mean when you were around so... you'll take what you can get.
But it was perfect. You, and your two boyfriends in one body.
When Liu started becoming protective, you hadn't thought much of it. He'd freak out a bit over some small injuries you'd get. Small burns when you'd cook, the occasional time you'd trip over yourself and hit the ground. It was cute, honestly.
You understood that due to his past, he was deeply terrified of losing people. It's a fear of his that you tried your best to help him through, and it wasn't one that you ever thought could get out of hand.
Sure, Sully wouldn't sometimes stare at you for a few moments too long before sighing and saying something like, 'We should just lock you up.' but... he's always had a weird sense of humor, so you never let it get to you.
But... the longer you dated them, the more... suffocating they'd started to become. With Liu, if you were out and didn't update him on your wellbeing every few hours, he'd call you until you answered. He used to not stay the night all that often, but now he insists on staying with you every night, to ensure your safety.
If you went out with friends, he'd basically interrogate you about them. Who are they? Where do they work? How did you meet? Would you trust them to keep you safe? How do you know you can trust them?
And Sully wasn't any better. He would basically stalk you whenever you went out, and he wasn't shy about it either. Whenever you'd try talking to him about it, he'd just shrug and say something along the lines of, 'I'm just making sure you don't die.'
You're fairly certain he's even gone through your phone a few times, but you never brought it up because you didn't want to accuse him, either of them, of something if they didn't do it.
It hurt you to even have this conversation with them, but enough was enough.
"We should break up."
The words sounded wrong, but you refused to swallow them. Your heart was racing and you felt sick but you knew this was for the best. They were far too protective, and Liu seemed unhealthily dependent on you at times. Like he'd simply stop functioning if you disappeared. He needed help, help that you can't give him.
There's an expression of confusion, followed quickly by something akin to anguish when he registers your words. Liu seemed to struggle to speak for a moment, lips opening and closing for a few moments before he finally manages a small, "Why?"
And you explained it to him. You told him about how his protective behavior was starting to feel suffocating, how your friends were starting to distance themselves from you because he (of which you can only assume to be Sully) always glares at them whenever they're around, how your privacy felt nonexistent most days with them around.
It almost seemed as if he was going to accept that this was happening, but then there was a shift. His expression smoothed out for a moment before he looked at you like you were the crazy one here.
"No."
And it didn't take a genius for you to realize you were speaking with Sully now, from the way he seemed completely apathetic to your concerns.
"No? You can't just say no to someone breaking up with you, that's not how this works."
But your words didn't seem to reach him. That, or he was just choosing to ignore him because he just sweetly smiles in such a way that it makes your blood run cold, "I said no, angel." And his usual affectionate name for you sounding mocking rather than loving, something that put you on edge.
In the time that you've known Sully, you've never felt in danger around him. He went out of his way to make you feel comfortable, honestly, but now... now, you're reminded that this man wouldn't hesitate to kill another. What's stopping him from killing you?
"...You should leave. Now, please."
But Sully didn't move. He just stared, and it felt like he was looking right into your very soul, and it made you feel really sick.
"Fine, if you aren't going to leave, then I will," You huff, but you couldn't even stand up before he was pushing you back down on the couch, practically straddling you, and you could feel cool metal pressing against your forehead.
He... he just pulled a fucking gun on you. A mixture of shock and betrayal outweighs any fear you felt as you look up at Sully, half expecting him to just shoot you.
But he'd never do that, no.
Sully would never hurt you. Could never hurt you. He just needs you to behave, that's all.
"Don't look so distraught," He coos, his free hand coming up to lovingly cup your cheek and wipe away tears you hadn't realized were falling, "You know I can't let you leave. Liu needs you," He pauses, a look of consideration before he softly admits, "I need you."
The admission would've been romantic. He'd never really verbally expressed his love for you before, but now it just... it makes you feel wrong.
"We can just consider this a lover's quarrel, yeah? Make up and move on,"
It didn't seem like Sully had any plans on listening to a single word from your mouth unless it's something he wanted to hear, but you shake your head nonetheless, "I don't want to 'make up and move on'. You're aiming a fucking gun at me for crying out loud! How can I possibly move on from that?!"
And he rolls his eyes at your words, as if you were being dramatic over something you had every right to be angry about. It almost seemed as if he wanted to say something, but his gaze unfocused, and when he blinked, that annoyance was gone.
Instead, he looked mortified, lowering the gun against your head.
And for a moment, you felt a flicker of hope. If you can't convince Sully to let you leave, then surely you can convince Liu, right?
But he didn't pull the gun away. He wasn't aiming it at you, but it was there, and that told you everything you needed to know. Liu wasn't going to let you leave either.
"I'm sorry," He whispers over and over again, and there's tears in his eyes as he rests his forehead against your shoulder. As if forcing you to stay with him was painful to him.
And maybe it was, but...
This world is simply far too dangerous. How is he supposed to keep you safe when you want to go out all the time? It's... it's for the best, he thinks, to take you away. Somewhere where no one can find you, that way you'll be safe. The thought makes Liu sick, guilt eating at him, but... nothing can take you from him.
He and Sully will keep you safe, always. Even if you hate them for it.
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redshirtbrowncoat · 2 days ago
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Worlds Beyond Number listeners. I'm on episode 18, fully hooked, but I have to know something if someone doesn't care to spoil me slightly. Also, spoiler warning for everything up to episode 18.
Do we ever get straight up confirmation that the wizards of the citadel are bad guys? It has this really weird feeling to me. Like, making living spells that exist solely to essentially be kamikazes, if you have unused spell energy at the end of your day, you're supposed to donate it to the Army. It has a WWII victory garden aura. Only we've not seen anyone from the opposing side (as of where I'm at), so we can't even say that they're fighting evil.
Also, Morrow in Port Talon may have been working towards incurring Steel's wrath, but who knows what would have come of it. I feel like he either would have been, or still might be, Project Paperclipped into a higher position like he wanted, possibly under the radar, but maybe not, because he figured out how to trap and harness the power of a great spirit. This empire, this dynasty, they always seem to be at war, or at least in skirmishes with other nations. You're telling me they won't harness this power to give themselves an edge?
The citadel itself is weird, too. This gigantic structure built in the middle of a desert with illusory fauna so you can pretend to hear the birds chirp without there actually being birds. You can lay in the grass with food and bugs won't get your food because there aren't any bugs. They keep using the word "Imperial" which means they're an empire, which means they've conquered other nations and brought them into said empire.
It just all reeks of this "Look at the shinies while we commit atrocities," ploy to me. It also makes for a really awesome choice for Suvi. Does she stay in the citadel knowing what they're up to? Does she rationalize it away as being "For the greater good," or does she confront it?
Can anyone confirm? I just need to know if I'm picking up on the vibes correctly. Also, feel free to add anything I might have missed that might back me up, or even contradict me. @quiddie I would love to hear your take as well.
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mqriuss · 3 days ago
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08 | Now playing: Greenlight
from 'bad girls that haven't been caught' series
playlist | series masterlist
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hours turned to days and the days turned to weeks. rindou could barely wait any longer.
"you like me too, don't you?" he asked you one day with a smirk on his face.
"shut up, haitani," meant yes.
"get out of my face, rin," also meant yes.
"why don't you start skipping school again?" also meant yes.
but you never actually said what he wanted to hear.
rindou never tried to rush you right after you broke up with fumio—he was there for you the whole time, but patience wasn't exactly his strong suit. you moved on pretty quickly too, probably because you knew deep down the relationship wasn't going to work out even before you broke up with him. and maybe you did start taking a liking to rindou the more you hung out with him.
he wasn't stupid. it's so obvious you liked him too, he sees it in the way you fail to suppress a smile when he teases you. he also sees it in the way your tough exterior shattered one day when you thought you've moved on from fumio, but you still found yourself missing the memories.
that day, he bought your favourite drink as usual and he had offered to walk you home. and you let him. he walks you home often now, whenever he can. he knows you like him too and he sees it in the way you don't pull away when your hand brushes against his.
he also sees it in the way you text him out of nowhere, asking to meet up at 8pm on a random thursday.
the night air is cool against your skin when you open your window. rindou's eyes widen, "are you going to jump down?!" he whisper shouts, getting ready to catch you.
"it's not that far down, relax," you wave him off, sticking one leg out first. "plus, you're not gonna let me hit the ground, are you?"
"hell no, just get down here quick," he urges you with outstretched arms.
rindou knows you like him when you put your trust in him, falling into his arms. he knows you like him when he sees the faint rosy hues on your cheeks from how close you were.
he puts you down, letting you fix your clothes. "so weird seeing you sneak out at night to meet up with your delinquent crush," he remarks with a shake of his head, clicking his tongue. "you should be studying for exams, what a bad girl."
you roll your eyes at the smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. "hey, i've studied enough," you defend yourself, strolling aimlessly around the neighbourhood. "and for the record, you're even weirder. you used to skip class often, when did you decide to maintain perfect attendance?"
he shrugs, walking closer to you. "i wanted to see you."
you freeze, your brain stalling for a moment before walking ahead of him—probably to hide your flustered expression. "the hell? you sound like a player now."
"well, do you see me flirting with other girls?" his smirk widens and adds, "i'm not a fumio."
the mention of your ex makes you wince, but before you could come up with a snarky response, rindou nudges you lightly.
"come on, let's face it," rindou says. "i like you, and you like me too—you do the math, sweetheart."
your pace slows as you glance over your shoulder. "you're awfully sure of yourself."
"am i wrong?" he counters, and is met with your silence. "what, are you worried about your reputation? smartest girl in class dates a delinquent," he says, as if reading a clickbaity headline.
you snort, waving off his question. "i don't think people care that much about who i date."
"so you do think about dating me!" he teases, chuckling when you groan. you fall silent again, and he can tell you're thinking of a response, so he beats you to it. "if you're not ready, it's fine. just give me the green light and i'm all yours."
you couldn't help the smile you tried to fight off, glancing at him from the corner of your eyes. "well, we should go on a few dates first. right?"
his face lights up instantly. "i was planning to ask you this saturday, what do you wanna do? lunch? movies? arcade? what food do you like?" he bombards you with question after question, surprising you when he casually slings a heavy arm around your shoulders.
rindou knows you like him, and he can wait for the day you finally say it. he'll be right there when you give him the green light.
- end -
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littlemissshifter · 2 days ago
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Hi! I wanted to ask for advice on my shifting journey. I feel stuck, I've been trying to shift for so long but haven't had any success, no symptoms, no hearing anything from my Dr, smelling etc. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, people say that you don't need anything & can't do anything wrong, but then why didn't I shift?? Also, when affirming so suddenly, it feels kinda unnatural for me. And a question to all the shifters that are experienced, why do they still stay in this reality then? It doesn't make sense to me, I'd either go to another better CR or just travel across realities, not stay here. It seems kinda contradictory and weird imo & makes me doubt shifting/manifesting. The fact that I haven't had any 'progress' is very demotivating and makes me feel like giving up+I'm kinda desperate to shift due to CR circumstances, which I know is bad, but what happened to the saying that doubts etc doesn't matter & it's all a limiting belief? Everything seems so contradictory atp 😭
I haven't used the void to shift as I've never managed to trigger it, I'd really appreciate advice & help on what to do!!
hii you need to read the shifting posts in my masterlist. They will answer most of your questions.
About experienced shifters choosing to stay in this reality, I need to tell you that reality is not the same for everyone. Their life may be very different from what you think. They chose to stay here regardless because it's their decision. They have people they love here too. And many experienced shifters I've seen have permashifted as well. It's not wise to judge someone's choice on how they want to experience their journey.
Doubts do not matter while shifting. Even if you're desparate to shift you will. Most people just put it on a pedestal because of this and neglect everything else.
You can't trigger a void. The void is you. You can induce it. There are many bloggers out there who are void based! I suggest you check them out as well.
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sweetness-and-the-sour · 3 days ago
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I said something about this in a post a fair bit back but that was my main issue with S2. Like obviously nobody deserves to be in an unhappy/controlling marriage or relationship and sadly that was the case for many people back then, having to hide away their true selves for that attempt at safety. And yes, the husband wound up being a creep but still.
I hate cheating plots and to make things worse in a way, is that Viktor still went in the same direction like with Leonard. Knowing a person for only a short period of time, putting alot of faith and trust in them and it wound up backfiring. But in this instance, I just feel bad for those involved.
BUT WITH THE HOMEWRECKER DUO. NO! Don't care that it was 7 years, don't care that "they only had each other" No. The audience knew these characters and most of us all agree that this shit wouldn't have happened. Way too much trauma, really between all of them, and I'm sorry but they really looked at these 3 characters and went "Let's make them in some weird ass Twilight level of love triangle." Insanity. End of story.
Even pushing aside the mega creepy age thing between the two, did they really expect us to believe that Five wouldn't take one look at Lila and go "My brother has been there. I'm not catching his germs." And immediately go find someone else?
Anyway, not to imply anything about Steve Blackman... but does Five and Lila make anyone else look at Viktor and Sissy in a different light?
Are these basically not the same story?
I mean: an unhappy housewife and stay-at-home mom cheats on her husband who she is keeping secrets from (sissy's savings tin, lila's book club) with a Hargreeves sibling. Said Hargreeves sibling wants to run away with the unhappy housewife (Viktor wants Sissy to come to the future with him, Five wants to stay at the strawberry place). None of that happens because the unhappy housewife decides to put her child(ren) first (Sissy wants Harlan to be safe more than she wants to be with Viktor, Lila wants to go back to her children more than she wants to be with Five). The entire thing ends in tragedy.
Yeah, it's the sixties so the context is different with Sissy, but that aside... how different are their stories really?
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mairen-marionette · 1 year ago
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tumblr changed the reblog header again apparently. the icon is now just the word, and it just won't show up if you reblogge it from the source.
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from when I reblogged something my mutual also reblogged
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vs when I reblogged something directly from the original post
so yeah, that's a thing now. Fun. Tumblr why.
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egophiliac · 1 year ago
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happy new year Ego!!! Just wanted to let you know that I absolutely adore your twst fanart and the tags are just an absolute pleasure to read! You are my greatest inspiration for my personal twst art and I just wanted to thank you for your wonderful masterpieces <333 if possible, may I ask what are some of your headcanons for the diasomnia family? If not for diasomnia then any other characters are fine as well!
thank you, and happy new year! 💚💜💚 that is amazing to hear; it's always a little bewildering but super flattering that other people like my silly little doodles so much!
I don't think I really have any really solid headcanons and also canon keeps validating me left and right (FLUFFY DOMESTIC DIAFAM IS REAL). mostly just kind of...impressions and general thoughts, if that makes sense! lately though I've been kind of obsessed with thinking about Lilia's hair, and specifically when/why he ended up cutting it. (l-look, we're bouncing around the timeline and I gotta make decisions about these things when I draw, it's relevant) (I mean I would probably be weirdly fixated on this anyway, but.)
I think I've settled on the idea that he kept it long until he went to NRC, partly because 1) I like drawing The Ponytail, and 2) I think he thought of NRC as a chance to reinvent himself a bit! he gets to go and be a wacky carefree teenager for a few years and have fun! (officially he's there to keep an eye on Son #1, but how much trouble could he get into, really.) so he gave himself a Cool Teen Haircut to go with his fresh new Cool Teen Persona!
also maybe he had some reflection on his hair's troubled past with three kids...
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...and had to weigh his vanity versus the fact that he was going off to be around hundreds of kids on a daily basis, and. the choice suddenly seemed obvious.
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#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 6 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 6 spoilers#this is my blog and i'm going to write a million words about lilia and you can't stop me#but anyway i do genuinely get the impression that he's using Pretending to Be a Teenager as a chance to be even sillier than usual#he's a very silly man he's just being EXTRA silly#supported by his recent birthday card where he says he was specifically trying to cast himself as an adorable little brother-type#because he wanted the other students to give him free shit and save him seats and things like that#it worked for about a week before he turned out to be way too good at stuff and everyone just kind of ended up in awe of him instead#and he was like DANGIT. I'VE RUINED IT FOR MYSELF.#(then he and epel went on to talk about their hypothetical vtubersonas because the birthday cards are INSANE but anyway)#i'm bad at headcanons :( sorry!#unless it's dumb things like...what pokemon they would have or whatever#(malleus would have some kind of special fancy-colored dragapult) (but i digress)#i have a hard time putting things into words. just know that i love the grampa bat and his weird kids very much.#my brain is also still kind of fried from the last couple of weeks#i am however starting 2024 off the way i intend to continue it: in deep contemplation of anime hair#(sorry if these look weirdly aliased) (i realized about 3/4 of the way through i was using the wrong brush and i didn't want to restart :U)
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drpicklesart · 7 months ago
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stargazing
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triaelf9 · 10 months ago
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hey folks who interact with creative works online! just a tiny PSA
If you don't like a character, that's totally fine! If you have a different reading of a situation in a show & have issues with stuff that's going on, that's also fine.
What is NOT fine is to ACTIVELY SEEK OUT fans of the characters you don't like and talk shit about them, the characters they have feelings about, or the content they've posted b/c you, Freddy McHatesalot really needs to tell everyone how much you dislike a...fictional character.
You are totally welcome to consume content in your own space in whatever way you see fit. It is disrespectful of the fandom space to try to drag other people into your space and interact with you if they don't want to. And dunking on a character in writings or art of them is fucking rude as hell to the person who put work into into the creation they made out of some feelings they were having.
Also. side note, it is possible to enjoy a character who is Wrong About Some Things or Isn't Doing The Right Stuff In The Right Situation. Sometimes it's possible to like a character and disagree with them, and shitting on people b/c you can't see what they see in a character is pretty trash garbage and is 90% of why I just make silly little art for me and my own silly feels and hope folks get a chuckle or some enjoyment out of it too.
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copia · 26 days ago
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i've done some horrible things to copia in the notes app but i draw the line at giving him a hip replacement. so my personal hc for his cane situation — disregarding the alternative of him taking one onstage just for the vibes — is that he developed early onset osteoarthritis from ballet and began to manage it. the rats mv was the last time he danced properly, then after the threat of replacement, it was strict physiotherapy and steroid injections until the cane wasn't as necessary as it once was. you can get footwear designed to help with oa, so i'm sliding the shoe moment from rhrn into this self-indulgent ramble ('i'll get injured' = 'things will be worse for me later'). he'll jump around the stage as often as he dares to the frustration of doctors and his mother — and his ghouls, who will help him limp offstage at every show towards the end of the tour and take care of him after treatments. limited movement frustrates him to no end but he'll put on a mask of cheery positivity until he's too tired to maintain it any longer. he'll manage it to the point where it's easier to live with than it was when he danced for the last time, but it'll never be like it was when he was young. he struggles with this more than he does the physical pain. who'd want a reminder of their imminent demise burning at their side with every step? still, he pretends, even if it's obvious to everyone close to him that it's a problem — no need to give them any more reason to end his reign earlier than he'd like
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snatcher-no-snatching · 2 months ago
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very annoying getting into a fandom where most of the audience seems to be on the younger side. there are so many concepts that are completely normal that just seem outside the realm of possibility for a teenager to even comprehend
I see SO much "how could anyone like this character, you know he's like 40-50 right?" and "how could anyone like this character, he's fat!" and "how could you like this character, he's a villain!" and so on so forth. Like, are you new here? I can only assume yes
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