#it's not looking hopeful just bc she's presumably having his child like

[autumnrory]

idk how r*gan shippers think ayitl was hopeful for their ship like they had a pretty explicit goodbye and it indicates she didn't plan to have him in the kid's life which. lol. lmao. he's gonna find out??? his family knows her family?? and i do think for all the ways he's irresponsible he WOULD want to be involved in his kid's life to an extent like he at least has the excuse of living an ocean way unlike christopher but he wouldn't take sixteen years to visit his kid's home imo

but anyway like. he was doing nothing to fight this arranged engagement which i know we don't know much about but you have to assume there's some amount of feeling between him and odette bc like. he has a choice here ya know and neither of them actually acknowledge wanting to stop it from happening AND they're yet again using their relationship as a form of escapism (which bugs me bc rory was over that shit in season 6 idk why they made her have anything to do with that life and death brigade nonsense again) like it's absolutely not a healthy situation

and personally if i were a r*gan shipper i would be bugged at how it ignores the things from season 7 like logan somewhat going against his father in the end and that he and rory were generally a little better at communicating (still not the best because ASP won't let any couple be truly good at communicating, so like dear god will fans not use that as an argument against any shp there are other things to criticize but none of these couples are open and honest with each other lol) LIKE that is the whole thing with ayitl is it basically makes like everyone regressed particularly rory and it's frustrating but yeah like. idk why people find affairs so romantic but it's not and it's definitely not proof that two people are meant to be together

[bipanicoverthegravessiblings]

Hello i have a idea, how about Yandere Andrew and Ashley x Older Sister Reader with plot being something like

Y/N never cared about Andrew and Ashley cus she find them annoying, she never tried to be good sister even a little and didn't pay attention to their strange behavior towards her, bc despite her careless they loved her and always clings to her and ruins her relationships with boys and girls. And after another ruined relationship, Y/N finally fed up and leaves them, they of course tried to use manipulations and even threats in hopes that Y/N would stay and be theirs but all this things doesn't worked on her. After a two weeks Andrew and Ashley manages to find Y/N....with new boyfriend which makes their blood boil, bc Y/N is theirs only

Facts - 1. Y/N hates mom and dad as much as Ashley, thats why she lived with Andrew and Ashley

2. Y/N is not any better than Andrew and Ashley. Y/N kills some dudes before just for fun

So what do you think?

Thank you anon I needed the motivation TwT

TW: Manslaughter and Murder

Yandere!Ashley and Andrew x Older Sister!Reader

You’ve been fucked over since birth

Teen parents, one who was spineless, the other who was a manipulative bitch- both who had no idea what they were doing or how to use a goddamn condom

Yeah, you were screwed

By age 4 you learned that you can only really count on yourself in this shit bag of a world

Unfortunately by then, your mother already popped out two other crotch demons to ignore

They thought you were such an independent child, why not have another? This one is also quiet and doesn’t complain- so again!

They stopped having kids after Ashley came around- and if you’re going to give your little sister credit for anything, it’s that she taught them to use protection next time

Or convince mom to get her tubes tied and avoid this whole thing again, truthfully you didn’t care how they went about it- so long as you didn’t have to deal with any more annoying little shits

Ashley and Andrew were always clinging to, which was a normal thing you heard little siblings do….but god they took it to the extreme

Making up excuses to leave class so they could go bother you in yours, following you around all day, Ashley would try to climb you and cling to your back so she would always be close to you

You hated it, you hated it so much

“Y/N?…”

You groaned, jostling in your bed to turn your back to the little shit. You just wanted to sleep, it was the one time you didn’t have to deal with either of them but here’s shit one now!

Andy reached a hand out and poked your back, or where he presumed it to be under the covers, “Y/N?” He persisted, “I know you’re awake.”

“How the fuck do you know that?..” you mumbles from under the covers.

Andy reached his hands out and tugged on the blanket to try and pull it off, “You never sleep on your side, your body naturally turns you on to your back. And you have a specific look you make when asleep.” Andy tried to replicate the look, an open mouth and shut eyes. His lip twitched a little for authenticity.

You sat up, staring daggers at him, “Do you watch me sleep? Little creep—“ you threw your pillow at his face, which had the opposite effect you hoped for. You wanted him to feel dejected, walk solemnly back to his bed while you struggled to ever sleep again. But no, your little brother just laughed and hugged the pillow tight.

The noise caused the small form under the covers of the bed across the room to rustle. Great, you both woke LeyLey. The lump under her covers shot up, pulling at the starry blanket so she could look at you two.

“Ooohhhh, are we sleeping in Y/N’s bed tonight!” She sounded excited, crawling off of her bed and rushing over to Andy’s side. She noticed the pillow and tried to take it, “Give!”

“No way!” Andy held the pillow close to his chest like a treasured gift, “It’s mine! Y/N gave it to me!”

Actually I threw it at you, you thought- but the two were too focused on their tussling to notice you watching unamused. God at this rate they’re going to wake up mom and dad and then you’ll somehow get in trouble—

“You’re their older sister!” Mom would say, “You should be mediating them!”

Technically you shouldn’t. You should be asleep. Or not even born. Self deprecating aside, you would much rather go to sleep as soon as possible, and it’s clear Andy and LeyLey won’t leave unless you let them sleep with you.

So, with a sigh, you pull the covers away, “Get in here you two- and stop fighting over the pillow!” You snatch it from Andy, who gives you the look of a sad puppy you just kicked, “You’re gonna wake mom and dad.”

LeyLey looked ecstatic, hoping into your bed and climbing over you- making sure to ‘accidentally’ knee you in the groin. You wince, you may not have anything down there- but it still hurt! Andy was next, climbing up and settling down on the other side of you. He hugged your arm, smiling softly. LeyLey wrapped her tiny arms around your waist, as best as she could to hold on to you. You sat there, uncomfortably waiting for them to let go, only for their soft snoring to tell you they fell asleep.

Clinging to you.

You groan, this is going to be a long night.

You had hoped that as your siblings got older they wouldn’t need their big sister as much, oh how wrong you were

It seemed like the opposite was true- the older they got the more they needed you. The more they clung to you.

They always had an excuse for needing you, this happened so much that any friends you made drifted away from you

Which only gave you more time to spend with your ‘precious little siblings’

Eugh

You had planned to leave. To buy a bus ticket and drive far far away from your childhood home and your fucked up family

But then the quarantine hit

Mom and dad ditched, Ashley being the last one to see mom on her way out

But even with the two extra mouths gone, the rations drained fast and the wardens made no effort the feed the three of you

The laundry detergent looked tastier everyday

Besides the lack of food situation- Ashley and Andrew loved the quarantine

They got to be with their big sister 24/7

And holllyyy shit they abused that

Most mornings you would wake up to one of them in your bed, clinging to you like a leech

You stopped kicking them off after the 10th time, it just became a routine

Whenever you went into a room, conveniently they also needed to be in there

About to shower? Ashley needs to do the laundry!

Want to take a nap on mom and dad’s bed, Andrew’s looking for a book, he’ll even read it to you as a bedtime story. How thoughtful

It got to a point where it was just second nature to find them within 3 feet of you

Though there was only so much one person could take

And after the newscaster announced the quarantine would be extended for three more weeks, well….

You stared at the sleeping forms of your siblings, wanting to be 100% sure they were asleep before you enacted your plan. You pulled the covers off of yourself, quietly getting up. You’ve lived in this trash fire of an apartment for 24 years of your miserable life, and thankfully memorized the creaky spots on the ground to avoid.

You couldn’t spend another three weeks in here. The three of you ran out of food a little over a month ago, and you weren’t going to let paramedics find your starved corpse being clung on to by your siblings. Hell no!

Your eyes darted between Ashley and Andrew’s beds as you walked, one misstep and they’d ask where you were going- then everything would go to shit. Your hand slowly raised itself to the doorknob, quietly twisting it. You flinched as it cracked open- looking to see if anyone woke up. Ashley was closest to the door, but she slept like a corpse. Andrew on the other hand was a light sleeper, so it was mostly him you were worried about waking up. You gave a silent sigh as he turned out to still be asleep.

You tiptoed through the door, flinching as you tried to quietly close it. Once the door was shut, your hand hovered over the knob as you waited.

Silence!

You were just in the homestretch now. Your wallet was already in your pants pocket, really that was all you needed to be honest. You had no items of sentimental value to bring, no. You wanted to forget this place. Burn it to the ground in your mind.

You made your way to the balcony, Ashley stupidly left the key in it. You opened the door and took in the fresh air….well- as fresh as it could be with the air pollution. You looked over the balcony, searching as you spotted your escape. A rickety looking water spout. It looked faulty, like it was about to snap off of the building, if not that- just cutting your hand on it was enough to contract tetanus. But honestly, you didn’t care.

You hoisted yourself on to the balcony’s ledge, hugging the wall and swinging your foot over to hook around the spout. Success! Alright…you just gotta..

Hyping yourself up, you ripped the bandaid off and just got it over with. You succeed, you just have to shimmy down to your escape. You fail, you die.

Win-Win!

You succeed though, holding on to the water spout like your life depended on it. Which it did. With care and ease, you worked your way down the spout, until your feet touched the concrete ground.

“Hey!” A deep voice made your blood run cold. Turning your head, you shielded your eyes from the bright flashlight. The man behind it wore a uniform similar to the warden’s, he must work with them, “What are you doing?”

You needed to think fast. You looked around and noticed a stray brick at your feet. You whipped your head back to the warden, his eyes fixed on you as his free hand hovered over his gun.

It all happened faster than you could process. Chucking the brick at the asshole, he fell to the ground with a thud. You didn’t look at the body, didn’t bother to make sure he was still alive. You ran. And ran.

You’ve never ran so fast in your life.

You were free. Free!

Free from starving!

Free from any of this shit!

Sure you probably killed a man, but it was imperative to your own survival

Not like anyone knew it was you anyway

Ashley and Andrew were going to starve, so any connection people could make to your disappearance and the warden’s death will be gone soon.

You bought a bus ticket and high tailed it out of there

Got a new job, and saved up enough for your own shitty apartment

Sibling free too!

Life was…starting to look okay, for once.

We don’t talk about the people you mugged to help save up for this place though

That’s between you and whatever fucked up good there is in this world

….and the people you mugged. Them too

But- point is, you’ve got a job, an apartment, a boyfriend that you met through work

Everything was pretty okay

You fumbled with your keys, eventually getting them to turn the stupidly janky lock. God you needed to get better locks installed, the keyhole being stripped from years of wear and tear. Apparently the landlord refuses to get them changed. But hey, at least your door opened

You wish your door hadn’t opened.

Before you could take in the gruesome sight in front of you, the wretched stench of blood and decay hit your nose. It wafted into your open mouth, slack jawed from shock and grazed your tastebuds. You quickly slapped your hand over your mouth and nose, dry heaving to not throw up.

There, in the middle of your apartment was the cooling corpse of your boyfriend. His body was mutilated, blood being lazily cleaned by his attackers. A tall, messy black haired man was on his hands and knees, wiping at the blood- while overtop of your partner’s corpse was a woman with her own black haired pulled back into a ponytail.

Green and pink eyes.

….your siblings.

“Oh!” Ashley looked up, grinning ear to ear, “Y/N! You’re home!”

Andrew perked up as well, sitting on his knees now as he shot up like a meerkat. Both scrambled to their feet, clinging to your arms as you stared at the body in shock.

“Sorry for such a sloppy job, we’re normally cleaner,” Andrew’s words were trying to reassure you, but it was just doing the opposite, “He just wouldn’t die.”

“You really know how to pick em sis.” Ashley’s nails dug into your arm, her statement feeling more like a jab than a compliment.

Though your body was there, your mind wasn’t. It was running a mile a minute trying to answer so many questions. How did they find you? How did they get in? What’s with the candles? What’s with the weird runes on the floor?

You feel like none of those will be answered, and as your little siblings nuzzle against you like cats- the harsh reality dawns on you.

You’ll never escape them.

[loversj0y]

For your 200 follower event you should do Invisible String with Wil! Maybe inspired by him being on tour, and once you guys connect, you realize all the similarities/close calls you’ve had to each other?

invisible string

event masterlist

pairing: wilbur soot x gn! reader

tws: bars/references to drinking

notes: this might be tphe longest one bc it felt wrong making it Not long, i guess so i hope you enjoy :3

word count: 2.5k

taglist: @l0veb0mb1ng / @core-queen / @zooone / @lillylvjy / @melunnek

You hated heartbreak and the way it seemed to accompany you like an old friend. Several bad breakups led to the collective feeling of needing to leave, wanting to run, so you did. It wasn’t hard to find a university you could study abroad in and accommodations, especially with the proficiency in your courses meaning a scholarship wasn’t hard to find. Choosing a place to go was the hardest part; you knew you wanted to go to the UK, but you didn’t know where. Thankfully, there was a pretty simple solution: throwing a dart at a map. Leading you here: Brighton. The taxi drove you to your new apartment, and there was a rock song playing you’d wished to have gotten the name of before you got dropped off. 

After a week of unpacking and settling in, you’d gotten notably bored. So you decided to look for a place to go, or something to do, and you stumbled across a pretty small club that seemed quite nice. You walked in, and at first it reminded you of the dive bars back in America, but a bit nicer. You went up to the bar and ordered quickly, trying to speak a bit quieter given the glaringly obvious American accent. It wasn’t enough to entirely hide it, though. Once you got your drink, a blond boy who’d been next to you at the bar spoke up, loudly.

“Are you American?”

You looked at him and nodded. He seemed a bit younger, but given that he was in here meant he was probably at least 18. “Yeah, I just moved here.”

He perked up, grinning, “Follow me!” He didn’t give you much a choice before grabbing your arm and dragging you over to his friends, “My name’s Tommy, by the way! My brother Wilbur loves America, so he’ll be excited to meet you, c’mon!”

You chuckled, allowing yourself to be dragged over by him. He brought you to a group of five people, two of whom were incredibly tall. All five of them were giving an incredulous look at Tommy, making you laugh a bit. 

“Wilbur!” Tommy basically yelled as he pulled you over, “I found an American!”

You fought the urge to hide your face in your hands, instead taking a sip of your drink.

One of the taller guys, who you presumed was Wilbur, sputtered at Tommy, “Tommy! You can’t just drag someone over because they’re American, for fucks sake.”

“Yes, but you love America and you needed some cheering up, so ta-da!”

Wilbur just facepalmed, sighing and looking over at you now. He was an attractive guy, light brown curls and a tall frame, plus a good fashion sense if the Doc Martins were anything to go off of. “I am so sorry he abducted you. He is a child with no sense of manners.”

You chuckled softly, especially as Tommy gasped dramatically in response. “It’s alright,” you smiled softly, “Beats the alternative of sitting alone at the bar for an hour, so.” You shrugged.

Wilbur gave you a bit of a thoughtful look, but before he could speak up, the girl next to Tommy spoke.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, even if he literally just dragged you over. I’m Molly, Tommy’s girlfriend.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” you smiled softly, before Tommy took charge once more.

“Yes, right! Introductions! I’m Tommy, obviously the coolest one here, Molly is my wonderful and only wife, Jack over there is an dick, don’t be friends with him, but that’s his girlfriend Ellie, she’s too cool for him. You spoke to Wilbur, my lame brother, already, and the only one taller than him is the very gorgeous Ranboo,” he explained.

Not a single person looked pleased with his explanation, but they also didn’t exactly look surprised by him.

“Right, well, nice to meet you guys. I’m Y/N.”

“So, you’re actually from America? Are you visiting?” Jack asked, a kind smile on his face.

“Yeah, uh, I just moved here actually. I just needed a change of pace, I guess, so I actually transferred to the university out here.”

He nodded, and you could feel the entire group’s eyes on you for a moment. It was a bit unsettling, but that was more just the nerves.

“Cool, fellow American,” the tallest one, Ranboo, spoke up. You looked up at him (he was really tall), and you smiled. 

“Glad to know I’m not the only one out here. How’d you end up out here?”

“Uh… work, actually. It’s kind of a long story, but I had to move out here for my work stuff, so I did.” He shifted his eyes a bit as he spoke, and you just nodded, assuming he didn’t want to be pressed on the matter.

“Wilbur,” Tommy spoke, “tell them some cool America facts.”

“Tommy, they very likely know them better than me given that they actually lived there.” Wilbur chuckled softly.

I smiled softly at Wilbur, “I’d still like to hear them. Maybe I can tell you if you’re mistaken about any of them.”

He looked over and gave you a grin, and the conversations paired off. You and Wilbur discussed America and where you lived, and the fact that Americans need to stop building parking lots, which you agreed with.

After nearly an hour and a half, he disengaged, turning to Tommy, “I have to head out now, Toms. I’ll see you tomorrow though, yeah?”

Tommy nodded, then gave Wilbur a bit of an evil grin, turning to you, “Did Wilbur tell you he’s a big musician? He’s got to leave early because he’s got a gig tomorrow and has to do boring musician things.”

“Really?” You grinned softly, “That’s really fucking cool.”

“Yeah, well, Wilbur’s lame, but his band is cool. You should come to the gig!” Tommy exclaimed, and Wilbur’s cheeks dusted red, eyes widening at Tommy.

“I’d love to, but, only if it’s okay with you, I guess,” You looked up at Wilbur, raising your eyebrows.

He nodded a bit stiffly, “yeah, no, that’d be great. The more the merrier. I’ll see you both tomorrow then.” He waved, heading off quite quickly after.

“Is… he going to be mad at you for inviting me?” You chuckled, looking over at Tommy.

“Eh, he will be at first. I’ll probably wake up to an upset text, but it’s just because he gets nervous playing in front of people he wants to impress. Once he does fine after, he’ll text me all ‘Oh, Tommy, you’re so smart and right, thank you for inviting them since I was too much of a pussyhole to ask myself,’” he mocked Wilbur’s voice, and you laughed a bit. You blushed slightly at the implication that Wilbur wanted to impress you.

After a bit longer, the group dispersed, and you headed home. You actually ended up living pretty close to Tommy, who was about two blocks down from you. As you headed inside to your apartment, you smiled and got excited at the idea of going to the gig tomorrow and seeing Wilbur again. You fell asleep excited and wondering what type of music you’d hear from him and pleased with the people you’d happened to find. 

You managed to get to the gig without too much trouble the next day, and you were shocked by the sheer amount of people waiting outside. Tommy had texted you about going to a back entrance, which thankfully wasn’t too hard to find. He was waiting by the door to help you in as well, and you felt immediately starstruck. 

The place was pretty big, and Wilbur was already standing in the centre of the stage, practicing something on his guitar. The lights were hitting him perfectly, and he looked like an angel. You struggled to look away, until Tommy came up and basically draped himself against you.

“Stop simpin’ after Wilbur, c’monnnn, we’re heading backstage. He needs his little ‘rockstar-practice time’ or whatever.”

You flushed, turning away from Wilbur, “I’m not simping, I’m just in awe. This is really cool.”

“Yeah, yeah, well,” he walked further backstage with you following him, “you should’ve seen how long it took him to get used to it. Whole band did a bunch of fake shows to get used to performing.”

“Really? That’s smart, actually.”

Tommy just shrugged, taking you to room backstage where there was a much larger group of people than the night before. You recognized Molly and Jack, but the other three were complete strangers.

“Oh, Y/N, you came!” Molly grinned, waving. You waved back at her, nodding a bit. 

“These lot are more of the band. They are much cooler than Wilbur, you’ll find. That’s Ash, Leandra, and Mark.”

You waved, saying a quick hello, before allowing yourself to become an observer of the conversation.

The show started not too long after, with you, Jack, Molly, and Tommy watching from the side stage. You quickly discovered that the band, Lovejoy, was incredibly popular, and their music was fantastic. And Wilbur.

Wilbur was something else on stage. He was fully in his element, lights covering him in halo glows. His voice was melodic, and it made you want to melt. From the side stage, you could see how he leaned against the mic, the passion in his voice, and the intensity he matched in each song. It was about halfway through the show though, that you felt you blood run cold.

The song you’d heard in the cab when you moved in. It was their song. And if that wasn’t just the biggest coincidence slapping you in the face than god knows what was. You didn’t know what to make of it, other than feeling incredibly overwhelmed by fate and the new friends you’d made.

By the end of the show, you felt strange. You felt incredibly uncertain about your place in the world most days, but for some reason, as you watched Wilbur approach you and the group, you felt like there was no where else you belonged.

“Hey,” he walked over with a grin, “You came! What did you think?”

He looked almost nervous as he asked, sweat still dripping from his forehead as you chuckled, “It was amazing! I actually recognized one as well!”

A startled look crossed his face for a moment, “You did? Which one?”

“The, ah, I didn’t catch the name of it originally, but I want to say it’s Call Me What You Like if the setlists are correct. It was playing in my cab when I was dropped off in Brighton.”

He grinned, “Really? It was on the radio?” 

You nodded, “Yeah! I thought it was fantastic, but I didn’t have time to catch the name. At least now I don’t have to worry about forgetting it.”

“Oh, trust me, I wouldn’t let you,” he gave you a grin that shined brighter than any light on that stage, and you felt butterflies flood your stomach as you considered that maybe it was fate that brought you here.

Sometimes you didn’t consider the ways that time worked. In the span of one year, so much more had changed than you’d ever even considered. You moved to a new country, started a new school, made new friends. You cut your hair, changed your wardrobe, got a better music taste. You became much more social, started dating Wilbur, learned to feel more confident in yourself. 

The relationship probably was the most shocking of anything to happen. But it happened quickly, and it felt so right and so easy, as if your previous heartbreaks never occurred. You still had problems, mind you, however, there was something within you telling you it was fate constantly. 

You thought about fate a lot when you thought about your relationship. The random effect of the universe tended to have a weird way of making you think about stuff like that. The statistical chances of choosing to move to Brighton by throwing a dart at a map, of hearing Wilbur’s song play in your cab. Then there were the numerous things you’d learned over time, small coincidences that pointed to a string of fate tying you together. Of the color of his first album being the color of your first prom dress. Of the time he visited America and ended up staying twenty minutes from where you lived. Of your first boyfriend sharing Wilbur’s middle name. Of all these tiny clues of parallel moments within your lives that you could only see now in retrospect. 

The biggest thing within this string was the connection you felt to him that first night. It felt like that little string pulled you straight into that bar. When all of a sudden, all the stress and feelings you’d had about heartbreak and needing to run felt soothed, all past mistakes feeling fuzzy in comparison to something that was so right. 

“Darling,” Wilbur chuckled softly, “What are you thinking so hard about?” He smiled, walking over to where you were already laying down, ready for bed. 

“Do you ever think about fate?” You asked as he gently pressed a kiss to your forehead. 

“Not often, I guess. Why?”

“I just think about us, and I just feel like there’s been a string connecting us, tying us together, and we just couldn’t see it.”

He smiled softly, slowly getting into bed next to you, “You think?”

“I don’t know for certain. But I know that there’s way too many coincidences to be normal. And that in one year, just by moving here… I don’t know it feels like I wasn’t living before being here, and even more now that I’m with you. I actually feel in charge of my life. Like time just changed everything for the better, and I have to at least believe that maybe it’s because fate brought us here.”

He wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you into him, “Yeah. I’ve never quite thought about it like that. I like that idea though. I mean, the chances of us actually meeting were so slim. As much as I don’t love the concept of fate, I’ll love fate for this. Because if fate is what brought me to you, then I owe it so much.” 

You smiled lovingly at him, leaning forward to kiss him gently, “I owe it so much too. That- that little thread of gold tying us together.”

He held you a bit tighter, turning off the lamp next to him, “You think it’d be gold?”

“Oh, absolutely.”

He chuckled, “Why is that?”

“Because it’s your last name. And the leaves were gold when I moved here in the fall. What about you?”

“Hm,” he hummed, “Gold could be fitting. But I think it’d be some sort of blue or purple, like the sunset we watched on our first proper date.”

“That’d be nice,” you smiled softly, “I’m just glad it was there, if it is real.”

“Me too, love,” he whispered, before pulling you into a slow and gentle kiss. 

[drifloonz]

hellooo. Can I ask for some dad steven headcannons?

i've been ignoring too many of my requests SOOO yes!! you may :)

dad steven headcanons!!

these are long sorry. or not sorry. whichever works. smile

____

♡ ok first of all. if this man impregnates you or anyone uh. he'll either be really into the idea or really fucking scared. usually a mixture of both. nervous and very anxious excitement.

♡ like he's always wanted children but in the state he's in now, he has always seen it as something unachievable for him nowadays

♡ who's getting pregnant? YOU decide!!!!!

♡ alternatively adoption exists which yeah that works too

♡ presumably, if this is a scenario where he's dating someone either the reader or like someone else, then PRESUMABLY he's gotten his life at least a little back together enough to clean his house a bit and clean Himself up a bit and generally just take care of himself and his surroundings more to be liveable enough for him, you, and presumably a child.

♡ single father steven is also very good. either or. but if he's a single father and a baby just drops in front of his doorstep he would take it but panic really hard ( he may at the dead of night fly to some adoption center and hope to god they take this random child... but he's also deathly scared of bad things happening especially w. waves hands at his whole story. so he might be too overprotective already to do that. )

♡ either way into actual dad hcs

♡ he used to babysit a shitton when he was younger, mostly with red and blue, so he's got the skillset for it. and he's also used to wanting to be a good rolemodel! it's just that these skills are so tucked away after the Depression Spiral that it's hard to get him back, but he definitely tries - for his child.

♡ honest to god if you asked him to name his child he'd either make an entirely new name or, because he's unoriginal and had a whole spiral over it, would name her miki or something very similar if she's a girl.

♡ welcome to the world Cool Charizard ( legal name ) /j

♡ ... it'd also be funny if whenever he has a child its always Girl because . yea. yea. Narrative curse.

♡ either way they basically don't have access to the internet bc i don't think steven even has that shit because he's poor as hell. at most he has phone data somehow that he probably isn't paying for. somehow.

♡ maybe his rent gets paid for him bc he was champion once idfk /j

♡ i thnik people are just too scared to properly enter his house and tell him to pay taxes and or rent he just gets to keep his shitty bigass house for free

♡ also it would be weird considering i think that the entirety of kanto tried to sweep him and his whole situation under the rug BUT THATS UNRELATED. SO!!!

♡ basically his kid is not an ipad baby thank god.

♡ even if his partner has one he's going to be like. vaguely scared of technology and also thinks itd be a really bad idea ( it is ) to just raise their child on that shit. the baby gets one cocomelon video a week /j

♡ thank god he probably still has his tv's that somehow still work so he just will let them watch baby shows in the living room sometimes instead of fucking cocomelon . thatd be horrendous.

♡ sometimes watches kids shows with his kid in his lap or next to him. usually falls asleep pretty quick into doing that

♡ he DOES tuck them in goodnight.. sometimes tells them stories.

♡ steven is really really really really overprotective over his child/ ESPECIALLY if it's like. straight up his child with you or whatever. that was a labor of LOVE!!! this also means he loves them very much but he's very dodgy with them going outside and whatnot. at least without his supervision.

♡ he'll be silly for his child and his child only. he'll make funny faces for them to giggle at and things like that and try to do fun things w his lil baby. etc etc. it's very cute to look at but if you use it against him he's going to glare at you really hard and squint judgementally

♡ honest to god i've said this so often to my friends . steven is ABSOLUTELY the type of guy to accidentally drop his baby while trying to hold them or throw them into the air a little and go "Oh shit. Sorry". brad lisa the painfulcore type dad except like less morally neutral bc his situation isnt the same

♡ lets the baby nap in with him a lot. sometimes you can walk into his bedroom and see him with all of his long ass hair splayed out on the bed and the baby also splayed out on the bed ... stevens gotta get his beautysleep!!! so does his kid!!!

♡ stevens really not sure whether to keep miki ( the charizard ) a secret from his child or not. because he knows that like. miki wouldn't hurt his baby almost definitely but he's still kind of scared of the possibility of either of them hurting one another accidentally or not... so at least until theyre older miki's probably a thing he tries not to mention.

♡ in general he also tries to not talk about himself or his past at all to his kid. he doesn't want them to know the ugly sides of himself.

♡ he just pretends he's a normal guy. if they somehow find out otherwise he'll either sigh deeply and tell them the truth, likely as some sort of life lesson to them ( either on safety, cautiousness, boundaries and trust w the trading incident or 'Hey if this happens to you maybe don't do what i did' but im not sure if he's self-aware enough to think of him as in the wrong entirely in that situation ), or he'll just say "must be a different guy" ( they look exactly the same in photos other than how disgruntled steven is now ... )

♡ he absolutely has a baby carrier. i think he always has wanted to carry a baby like that bc he thinks its all cute and funny. he probably smiles at you when you look at him wearing that with your little googoo in it. it looks so odd on him that it's kind of funny

♡ steven is absolutely a dilf tbqh... imagine dadbod steven NOW.

♡ sorry for sidetracking so much. anyways, he's the type of dude who OVERprepares. like MONTHS in advance, he's already buying a shitton of baby clothes, food, bottles, various furniture, etc. how is he buying these? well. either with your money or he's stealing that shit. or he somehow actually has money now. he might've mugged the various people who try to sneak into his house and 'mysteriously' die. who knows. It's a living! Kind of..????

♡ due to his general aversion of society he's kind of torn over wanting to go to a hospital or just doing it in a tub or something if its a situation where he has a partner. i think ultimately he'd do it in a hospital, despite his fear of people, because he's really scared of something going wrong. he'll wait with like. bated breath. scared as hell.

♡ he will cry the second that baby is in his arms. 100%. trust me. like. silently, probably - at least for the first few seconds. but theres a lot of tears. and a smile.

♡ he hums little lullabies to his baby and will gently move them back and forth... while the babies probably chewing at his hair a little.

♡ also yes he lets the baby play with his hair... his hair is that childs stimtoy ( whatever this means )

♡ s!3v3n is also surprisingly calm and good to the baby. the baby would either be fucking terrified of s!3v3n's face or think its silly and laugh at it. s!3v3n particularly likes to make silly faces where his tongue sticks out real far ( he can just do that when hes like that dw abt it ) and he goes crosseyed

♡ =P =D => <- s!3v3n making silly faces for a baby ( pov )

♡ ok this has all mostly been pregnancy and baby hcs. actual kid hcs uhhh... he probably really wants to homeschool his kid bc hes very overprotective but if you talked him into it he'd reluctantly put them in Actual Public School so they can have like. a social life. lol. bc otherwise theyd be EXTREMELY fucking isolated considering stevens been vanquished to Pallet Town's Shadow Realm ( aka pallet town 'A little to the west guarded by rocks and past the forest' edition ) and steven really doesnt want them to be lonely bc it sucks and hes been isolating himself for most of his life at this point so he knows it sucks

♡ he gets more comfortable going outside. most of kanto has forgotten about him anyways - he just specifically avoids going out to pallet town. if his kid wants to go there and hes not a single dad he'll have his partner do it for him. but he likes to go take walks with them and go to playgrounds. plus, he doesn't even have to whip miki / M' out in the wild grass - pokemon avoid him anyways. lol.

♡ as bittersweet as it is, if his kid wanted to be a pokemon trainer he WOULD have the best tips and tricks on it... he was the undefeated champion and arguably the first ''pokemon master'', whatever that term even means. ( presumably ''trainer champion'' instead of ''probably appointed to be in that position for someone to fight'' champion. like lance. or The Other steven. or smth. )

♡ he'd probably find a way to get his kid a starter... he still lives in kanto and close to pallet town too, so he can pull a silver and like. steal a starter. or he could just send his kid on their way ""without supervision"" ( hes lurking in the forest keeping an eye out just in case ) to ask oak about it

♡ if they pick charmander it is 90x more bittersweet. amen. but i think bulbasaur would be cute too bc its the only starter not picked and not relevant in strangled red + my own personal bulbasaur bias.

♡ although stevens going to tell them not to trade pokemon for obvious reasons - either thru a ''spooky tale'' / urban legend ( that is just his story but he tells it much more vague. like. ''... well i heard sometimes pokemon don't come back out.'' ) or just straight up says some shit like ''yea don't trade pokemon. it's bad.'' without elaborating

♡ regardless. he's still being very overprotective and unless his kid doesnt budge on it hes preferably not letting them go explore the world on their own until theyre like... 13-16

♡ even then. hes usually kind of trailing behind without telling them bc he legitimately has nothing better to do.

♡ ... also if the kid doesnt have a rival , like, no one at school or no one who they meet in their journey, then steven might. like. sigh deeply. get a few pokeballs from god knows where. catch a new team comparable to their kids level range. and be their rival. who is also their dad of mid 20s to early 40s in age. for some reason. people question it but he doesnt care he just wants his kid to have fun

♡ funnier option that i dont think he'd do ( probably ) is he pulls a clavell ( or team rocket ) and acts like a totally different guy when all that changes is his fit and maybe his haircut. except he prob pulls it off well. he'd still be obviously steven but his cap is backwards and his hair is tied up and his little jacket or w/e is around his waist and thats all that changes. his shoes might be untied for the 'stupid kid / teenager' look but then he trips over his feet and ties them bc its not worth the image

♡ alternatively ; its just s!3v3n. thats kind of steven but different right ( JOKING. HE WOULD NOT DO TH

♡ this hypothetical would be way funnier if he regained his entire reputation somehow of being a cool and strong pokemon trainer that he had when he was actually a trainer bc ppl forgot abt champion steven. and hes just like. "Okay. It's a neverending cycle of torment huh." under his breath when his kid cannot hear

♡ if asked for his name in this state hes just like uhh. uhhhhaa,.f uh. uh. stephen... thhhheee. third.

♡ he's probably not doing the thing mike and or blue did where hes the last e4 fight who isnt even an e4 member but is your rival. thats a bit too bittersweet for him. this whole exercise is fun but he doesn't wanna FULLY relive his glory days a year before his awesome trauma spiral. he also may or may not even do the gym leaders for the same reason. hes just a guy who his kid fights sometimes that is classified as a rival by technicality

♡ also yes he still has miki. he always has miki. shes just probably tucked into a bag or smth so ppl dont ask about why he has a cracked fucked up pokeball. she only comes out if his kid is in serious danger and he needs an intimidation tactic, or at worse, a method to quickly harm or kill someone with

♡ eg if a serious evil team situation happened and genuinely harmed his kid or threatened to their asses are not leaving unscathed.

♡ sorry this specific 'fake rival who is also your dad who also used to be the undefeated and first trainer champion of kanto' scenario is extremely fucking funny to me + fun in general. but moving on

♡ type of guy to dress his kid when theyre like a baby who cant think for themself in the stupidest halloween costumes ever. big pumpkin costume. hes about to crack into laughter when he takes a picture of them in it . or a charmander costume . because its steven. ( yes hes in a giant charizard onesie and yes if you make fun of him or his kid hes going to kill you dead

♡ he does go trick or treating w them too. he like. feels normaler on halloween. it was probably one of his favorite holidays even if pallet town was small an he probably got 50% apples and shitty non name brand stuff and 50% actual candy from the neighborhood homes

♡ type of parent whos going to squeeze his kids hand real tight when they get a shot or anything like that

♡ semirelated. hes tall and his hands are big but hes still gunna hold his kids hand everywhere even when theyre older until his kid complains enough ab it being embarrassing.

♡ has to crouch to talk to his fucking kid on eyelevel a lot of the times that his back hurts. like. more than it usually does.

♡ solution; just pick them up and talk to them while they are lifted into the air if theyre ok with it

♡ piggyback rides for his kid. 100000%. hes a piggy back ride type of guy. along with other similar things. would it be called grumpiggyback riding because its pokemon... anyways

♡ i think when his kids older they probably have a lot of inside jokes and steven likes to banter with them a little. playfully. and also likes to make jokes with the most deadpan ass voice bc his kid finds it funny, probably.

♡ stevens never had parents, so being a parent to someone else is... foreign, but also not really? as mentioned he did constantly used to babysit blue and red. and he was overall the teenage childhood role model for many kids in pallet town... but he himself was mostly raised by mike. so. either way, he very much loves kids and taking care of them. so tldr. hes a really good dad.

♡ i have more ideas but if you want any specific dad steven hcs explored jusrt ask me bc i have thoughts on this.

[oh-saints]

steward

ben never thought he'd be mistaken as a steward of the stamford bridge.

ben chilwell x student!OC

word count: 7.0k

tw: nothing

note: ben's all-black prada photoshoot still haunts me down to this day... might as well write something out of it. but as usual, not beta-read bcs i'm simply too sleepy to do so.

benjamin chilwell thought he could handle kids because he loved them—the idea of pure, untainted creature two human beings could magically create together, the joy he’d feel whenever surrounded by them. james maddison wouldn’t have trusted the life of his son cruz to ben’s hands if it wasn’t the case.

but to throw ben into an almost full-day with approximately three dozen of children, whom all are curious and creative with their questions addressed to him surely changed his perspective of having a set of twins—he wished they wouldn’t feel the loneliness he felt as the only child in a household.

or maybe, what was turning different was his perspective of how the club he got to call his relatively new home. how could the club throw him into a pool of enthusiastic chelsea junior members all by his own? a number of staffs were present, of course, to guide the group throughout the special tour of the stamford bridge, but it wasn’t like they could help him in answering the endless question marks thrown at him.

if ben didn’t know it was part of chelsea junior christmas programme, he would’ve disappeared down the tunnel until the tour was over, trying to call for any back-up available so he wouldn’t be so alone and tired during special ‘kicking’ sessions—the club so lightly put it. ben could feel himself walking towards somewhere quiet, unable to bring himself to drive home yet, for there was little to none of his energy left. before he could put some brain into his feet, he’d sat in the nearest spectator seat, just slightly behind the player’s box.

he’d never been in the bridge, or any other stadium in general, when the curtains had been drawn but he thought he should pay some more visits during this time of hour. the lights were now tamed down to match the sun setting on the background, warmer to his eyes just the way he liked his bedside lamp, but what he liked the most was the silence around the building.

no matter how much he liked going out with his friends as the effect of being the only child, he couldn’t shy away from the fact that he enjoyed tranquillity whenever he possibly could. recent years, especially, after he had emerged under the limelight of a buzzing stadium, resulting in putting him under the hot seat of public scrutiny whatever he does, whenever he goes.

“hello?”

was he really having a rough time after such a hectic, soul-sucking day that he was starting to hear things? or was stamford bridge so old that the horror stories were starting to become true?

“sir—”

the slight tap on ben’s shoulder was enough to make the footballer jolted in his seat, immediately standing as if a lightning had just struck him.

maybe he was very much lost in his thoughts that he’d indeed been struck by lightning before his brain could comprehend anything and this lady in front of him was an angel sent by god to take him away from the surface of the earth. otherwise, it wouldn’t explain why there was someone else, presumably general public judging by her attire, could be wandering at this hour, on this side of the stadium. every activity on the ground had stopped before the sun went down and not everyone had the access to roam around the grandiose fortress.

“i’m so sorry, i don’t mean to surprise you or anything—”

“‘was fine,” she looked absolutely apologetic that ben couldn’t help but fix his posture. “can i help you with anything?”

at his question, the woman’s eyes lit up, now glimmering with hope. deep inside, ben sighed because he’d seen that kind of look every so often. it brought him back to reality that he is ben chilwell, leicester city’s former number 3 and chelsea’s current number 21, and sometimes some people went to extra lengths to interact with him.

“ah, yes, there is, actually,” seeing that the lady rummaged through the pockets of her coat, ben was already putting his hands inside his jacket, ready to pose with the lady. “do you have any old iphone cable?”

what?

“i need to charge my phone,” realizing ben had accidentally made a slip of tongue, he zipped his mouth shut. “but i left my charging kit at home, which i know isn’t wise when your phone’s super old.”

is this some kind of prank? surely pick-up lines these days are better than that.

“i know it sounds weird, but i came here with a friend of mine, a massive chelsea fan,” the woman was smarter than he gave her credits for, she perceptively showed her visitor id at ben’s implied hesitance. “we were supposed to take a tour, but i fell out of it because i had to take a work call. when i tried to call her to ask where she is, my phone ran out of power.”

ben’s stance relaxed a little bit more when he noticed she held no hidden agenda towards him. (don’t ask him how, but ben had somehow mastered this kind of art.) “okay, so you’re, like, lost?”

“i wouldn’t be asking you if i wasn’t, would i?” ben was perplexed at her clipped tone—just as when he was lowering his guard to warm up to her—but he took a once-over to her again and still, he only saw a no non-sense look coming off her. she was transparent, clear as day, and he liked the fresh breath of air already.

“what do you think i am? a steward?”

“are you not?”

ben was meaning to break the ice at first, but he involuntarily shot a look at her as she responded to him, this time seriously so with his are-you-kidding-look. the other person only replied his unspoken question with a confused pair of eyebrows before darting her eyes down at his attire and ben couldn’t help but look down as well.

all black: his prada black puffer jacket on top of his black dinner trousers.

the two pairs of eyes searched for one another; one was asking for confirmation as she was confused, the other was staring back, baffled but amused at the same time. that got to be the second-best thing he heard this year after the champions league winner announcement.

“yeah, you can say that,” oh, scratch the word ‘like’ from his previous statement. ben loved her already. “why don’t we get inside first, hm? warm ourselves up with a cuppa or chocolate or something while we wait for your phone to get to at least 15%?”

“sounds lovely.”

＊✿❀○❀✿＊＊✿❀○❀✿＊＊✿❀○❀✿＊

“i’m still amazed that phone still works.”

for some unbeknownst reason to ben, one of his teammates still owned a very old iphone he now used as some sort of an ipod, using it purely to listen to his pre-match playlist. ben kind of remembered it because he found it funny but cool at the same time—he couldn’t recall the ages before apple music or spotify existed—but he’d never felt more grateful that his brain capability to memorise things wasn’t as short as dory’s from finding nemo.

“apple’s not letting this legend die anytime soon with all the IOS upgrade, it seems,” ben tried to lead scarlett—the woman he now took under his wing—on to his portion of locker room, to see if she caught on anything, but the woman remained unfazed with her surrounding and sat where ben gestured her to sit, eager to plug in her phone to the nearest power source. “i hope they keep doing that, though, because sure as hell this broke arse of a student couldn’t afford a better one yet.”

“so, you’re still a student?”

scarlett fumbled around with the tangled cable before she could successfully connect the electronic device to its source of power. “i think the term ‘a part-time student, full-time part-timer’ fits better.”

ben was grateful that the dressing room was empty. imagine if mason was lurking somewhere nearby and the younger lad overheard the way ben laughed naturally around a stranger he only came to know less than fifteen minutes ago, mason would’ve definitely flipped at how peculiar the scene was.

“we have a multitasking queen right here, ladies and gentleman,” ben turned his body towards the fridge for the canned drinks he stored specifically for his post-game routine. “what are you studying?”

“the major that promises an easy job-seeking opportunity after graduation, of course,” scarlett let out a sigh of relief when her phone lit up, signalling the cable did indeed work its magic. not only was her phone old, it was also sensitive. she mentally took note to start saving for a new phone. “i’m an mba candidate.”

“you certainly don’t look the age of someone’s on mba pursuit.”

“i know, they said i’m forever old.”

ben couldn’t hide his look of incredulous surprise. “who said that?”

“a lot of people,” scarlett shrugged nonchalantly but eyes roamed around the room. “i don’t have time to bother, though, unless they’re the ones who put food on my table.”

based on her answer, ben could pull off a conclusion that it wasn’t because scarlett deliberately didn’t know him—she didn’t have time to know him. she was too busy to juggle around her hectic schedule to realize the buzz happening around her.

it then ticked ben, why he felt familiar around scarlett. she resembled him, one way or another, several years ago. an ordinary boy who was busy trying to figure out how to juggle cricket and football—as if choosing one wasn’t an option—because he badly wanted to earn the best of both worlds.

“that’s a right mindset, right there,” ben handed gestured scarlett to choose his choice of drink or a bottle of evian; the woman chose the latter. “but i was meaning to say that you look so young. isn’t an mba candidate required to have five years of working experience?”

“i’ve been legit working, although part-time due to my status as student, since god knows when, so i think they took that into consideration,” ben sat down beside her, and scarlett was silently surprised at how she didn’t find herself awkward towards everything ben did. other times, she’d shrug off anyone who touched this side of her surface, but with ben—she wanted to answer his questions honestly, no more dodging; she wanted him to know. “besides, what’s the use of befriending the professor’s daughter if you can’t pull of some strings for your application?”

ben’s laughter rang around the empty room once more. he appreciated her brutal honesty and had to agree to a certain extent; networking is one of life skills. “is it the same friend who left you behind today?”

“excellent guess, senor,” scarlett nodded with a smile that reminded ben of a child on a playground, legs dangling over the edge of the swing, swinging them back and forth with amazement the gravity hadn’t swallowed them up yet. “let’s say her dragging me to come here was a payback for that opportunity. it still feels weird to be here, though.”

“why, because you’re not a football fan?”

scarlett shot ben a look of disbelief, silently asking ‘how do you know?’ through her eyes. ben thought he loved being around with mason for his expressive eyes—he needn’t exert extra energy to figure the midfielder out—but certainly it was because he hadn’t discovered scarlett’s.

“well, that’s one,” the short-haired woman shook her head, still in disbelief. “my dad’s a huge arsenal fan, i feel like i’m committing a sin of betrayal.”

coming from an arsenal family on top of these all? what is this woman, a pandora box of surprise? “you should’ve gone to the sunday mass instead of coming here.”

this time, it was scarlett’s melodious laugh booming throughout the room. “perhaps i got lost here because of that, should confess my sin tomorrow then.”

as promised, ben guided her through tunnels and hallways to get their choice for cup of while waiting for her phone to be brought to life, as well as giving scarlett a tour she never had the chance to complete.

maybe more than the usual tour because ben showed her almost every room she wanted to know, as long as he had the access for it. “my friend must’ve used all of her luck when my phone’s dead because if else, i would be recording this and shove it to her face that i got an insider tour.”

this wasn’t the first time ben laughed without constraints around scarlett. the choice of words she used on her comments was always on point—just the kind of joke he liked—that if it wasn’t because of her straight face, he would’ve thought she was lowkey flirting with him.

oh, how much ben wished she was flirting with him instead. scarlett was the personification of sunshine, an absolute joy to be around with—the fact that she had no clue of who ben is surely gave her a brownie point. he had long forgotten how it felt to talk to a woman without having to put up a wall—he’d spend the entire time talking too busy to figuring out if the woman was genuinely interested in him or his money—and how exhilarating a conversation could naturally shift to two-sided banters.

ben was slowly inclined to think maybe it was him who used up all of his luck when he decided to give this sort of fanfiction-like encounter a go.

“can i ask you a question?” ben put her cup of hot chocolate in front of scarlett as he sat down across the woman. “why the name scarlett, though?”

scarlett let out a muffled sound of appreciation as the hot liquid warmed her up against the bad weather outside. “why not?”

ben grinned, her reply always put him on checkmate position. “i’m genuinely curious because i can’t recall anyone named scarlett other than scarlett johansson.”

“as you know, my dad’s an arsenal fan, but he didn’t want to name me after something that screamed very arsenal. naming me something along ‘the gunner’ or something would be hideous, no?” while scarlett remained indifferent when speaking, ben almost spat on his cup of tea at her. “but he couldn’t name me red nor white, so he chose scarlet instead. it happened to be the shade of the jersey the year i was born.”

“i take it your dad’s funny guy?”

“how’d you know?” scarlett’s eyes went wild in disbelief, mouth agape. “okay, you’re officially a psychic.”

“i think you inherit his sense of humour.”

“oh no, you sound like my friends who think i belong to a circus, along with the clowns—”

cough, cough.

scarlett stood up in panic at her new friend and tried to soothe the choking effect by patting his back gently. “you good?”

it was safe to say that ben should definitely stay away from any drinkable liquid whenever scarlett was around him. both for his own sake of living and for his image. “clown, oh my god!”

scarlett regained her seating back, although her body language screamed that she was still worried about ben. “well, my friends call me ‘the clown’ because i’m the one cracking jokes here and there. do you need some napkins?”

ben gladly took the gesture, eager to clean himself up a bit after such an embarrassing stint. “well, your friends must’ve got lost in whatever parade they went to because there’s no clown that looks as pretty as you.”

for the first time throughout their time together, there was no banter coming from scarlett. ben looked up to the woman, who seemed to be taken aback at his comment, and he wondered in panic if he said it too direct that it caused her discomfort.

ben was about to correct himself when he noticed her cheeks blossomed with a slight tinge of scarlet, unmistakable even against the yellow light creeping in from the stadium.

“nah, i think i know why you’re named scarlett,” ben sat back, smiling in pure joy at the endearing sight unravelled before him. “it suits you perfectly.”

as if ben’s previous comment didn’t fluster her to the bone, the beautiful man had to add some more into the mix, complete with that gentle look he threw at her. scarlett had to save herself from going flushed down the toilet—pun intended—so all she could manage to reply was, “i hope you keep in mind there’s also this woman named scarlet witch, so you better watch out.”

＊✿❀○❀✿＊＊✿❀○❀✿＊＊✿❀○❀✿＊

“where on this bloody mother of earth have you been, sky evans!”

the front door hadn’t been entirely closed when the voice of abigail, her best friend, boomed through her flat. remind her again to never hide her spare key under the unused mails she intentionally stacked on her mailbox downstairs.

“you have no right to ask me that when you’re the one who left me behind.”

“you can’t be contacted! how am i supposed to know you’re still inside the bridge or that stupid professor of yours ran over your arse?”

“for god’s sake, abby, turn down your voice, will you?” scarlett was never a fan of screams in the first place, but after spending the evening with ben’s calm and peaceful voice, her head was banging in all the wrong places. “my phone’s dead and i was waiting for you on the player’s box, thought you’d find me easily there, but you didn’t, did you?”

by the way abby didn’t retaliate, scarlett knew she’d hit bull’s eye.

“you could’ve at least tried to flip stamford bridge upside and down to search for me, or announced over the speakers that you lost your friend or something, as embarrassing as that sounds but it could’ve worked,” scarlett pulled out her phone to text ben as promised, informing him she made it home safely. “if it wasn’t because of the fact i haven’t seen you in two years, i would’ve thrown you out already.”

“how did you get out of the bridge?”

“i asked around,” scarlett’s phone pinged with a new message from ben. wow, that was fast. “a steward was there to help, thankfully. he got me a charging kit, i think it belonged to a player who’s still using ipod, and waited until my phone’s back on. he offered me a ride home but i refused—”

“you didn’t!”

“i did,” scarlett shot a look to shut abby down. “if you’re worried about my love life because i refused a very friendly offer, worry not. i’m going out with him after the game on saturday.”

abigail ran from her spot to see the phone screen scarlett was showing her, before shrieking in pure elation and happiness that her plain-jane friend had smoothly scored a date.

good to hear you’re home safe because i just remembered we haven’t really toured the dressing room. there’s a home game on saturday, come to the bridge?

＊✿❀○❀✿＊＊✿❀○❀✿＊＊✿❀○❀✿＊

when ben called to tell she’d be placed at the box, scarlett wasn’t expecting the private box.

as much as she wasn’t a fan of football herself, despite coming from a very football-centred family, she knew this type of hospitality wasn’t one she could afford herself. heck, her dad would’ve flipped upside down if he found out she could indulge in this kind of luxury, one he could only dream of. no, scratch that—he would’ve erased her from the family registry the moment he found out she was given these privileges at the stadium that hosted none other than arsenal’s very own london rival.

had ben briefed her the complete experience, she would’ve brought abigail along, no matter how much she was still upset that her best friend left her behind in this very place a week ago. it was such a waste to have these padded seats on such a spacious private box all by herself, not to mention the fine-dining pre-match cuisine to devour. abigail would love to join the crowd to sing along the chants as well—probably more like screaming on top of her lungs for scarlett’s standard—like a true blues she is, without having to be reprimanded by her overprotective father.

but she didn’t think a mere steward like ben could afford this as well, frankly.

none of this grandiosity made sense to her if it came from ben, unless—

unless if he was either well-connected or he was downplaying his job.

he could be one of the owners—no, no. as far as her general knowledge went and as long as her memory didn’t fail her, chelsea’s owner is a russian oil tycoon. that left her option down to concluding that ben was well-connected because he was part of the board. board these days tended to have a young representative amongst them for strategic reasons.

“miss evans,”

at the call of her name, scarlett turned around to the waiting staff dedicated to cater her needs for the day. it felt really weird having someone to call anytime you need them, she was very much used to doing everything on her own.

“the game is starting,” the staff informed, and the line-up announcement on the background brought scarlett back to reality. “mr. chilwell wishes you to wear this for the game.”

mr. chilwell? scarlett recalled she had never interacted with someone of that surname. the latest she enclosed her private data was to ben, saying he needed her full name to be registered to the reception up front for this particular day.

despite being lowkey scared that her identity had been compromised to a wrong party, who could be wanting her dead, scarlett accepted the satin blue box from the staff. inside, she identified chelsea’s signature blue home kit showing the name chilwell and the number 21 on the back, another box, and a paper folded neatly in two. being a curious person she is, she opened the smaller box first, only to find a new set of charging kit for her old iphone.

scarlett laughed at their internal jokes, speechless at the same time at the fact ben slipped in one essential thing she most likely forgot to bring on daily basis. during the week she got to know the male, scarlett found him as a very thoughtful guy, always remembering what she threw here and there—that she sometimes forgot she’d once said so—so that he didn’t cross the line when interacting with her.

Hey, you,

I’m sorry I can’t be there in person to give you these stuffs, but I hope this letter finds you well—at least as an appropriate substitute, but perhaps as a proper apology letter too, if you may.

Knowing how smart and quick-witted you are, I’m sure you have caught on a lot of things by now, especially the fact that I’m not supposed to be the friendly staff who took you on a private tour on Sunday. You weren’t wrong to assume I work here; your guess was actually spot on—it’s just I never bothered to correct you. Not because I think you’re easy to fool, but because it completely slipped off my mind to do that. You made time and space seem so easy to be forgotten and I couldn’t recall when was the last time I enjoyed one’s pleasant company so effortlessly.

Nonetheless, I’m sorry.

But I do hope that after reading this, you’d stay.

For the post-match meals served at the box, for the post-match buffet in the dressing room, for the big game, for the fun we could have after the game and beyond the Bridge. For me, perhaps—may the God align the moon and stars in the sky.

Should you decide the otherwise, please utilize the charging kit well to support your phone in documenting today from various angle of the Bridge. My mind will rest in peace knowing you’d gone home with an ocean of photos from this once-in-a-lifetime experience to show off to Abigail’s face and gone home safely without having your battery dead.

Should you decide to stay, though… please enjoy the game as much as I enjoy our banter, and wave me from your seat every time I come close to where you are. Can’t wait to see how much you can gulp down the food from our dressing room buffet.

All the love,

Benny

okay, so ben was indeed not who she’d thought he would be.

she laughed to herself, imagining what ben’s expression would look like if he was in front of her, telling this little information of himself in person. the male would’ve been flustered inside, the tinge of red across his cheeks would’ve cracked the cold composure he was trying to gather on the surface.

scarlett laughed to herself, remembering a past occurrence where she mocked abigail for stating she’d marry someone out of her league—“a prince would be ideal but i’d settle for a chelsea footballer too”, she said then—as they watched kate middleton descended from her bridal car. this, more or less, was scarlett’s version of ‘out of her league’—surely spending time with a hotshot c-level personnel from a very lucrative industry was beyond her imagination, as someone who was brought up by a working-class family on the suburbs of london.

and she laughed to herself because never in a million years would she have thought she’d be in a scene straight from what those teen lit stories published; jitters and all the butterflies flying out of the zoo kind of stuffs when she realised that she felt the same way as ben. he made it a piece of cake for her to warm up to a stranger, something that frankly never happened to her before as long as she’d lived (due to having little to no time to socialise with her peers because work was always waiting by the door). scarlett was sure ben had sprinkled magic here and there when they were alone that she’d forget the fact that in reality, they both belonged to a totally different world with a vast ocean standing between them.

but if ben was one of the higher-ups, why couldn’t she join her in the box?

scarlett was about to ask ben’s whereabout to the staff behind her when the announcer’s voice boomed throughout the stamford bridge, announcing chelsea’s starting eleven for the afternoon.

“assisting antonio rudiger on our left wing,” it declared. “we have our number 21, ben chilwell!”

the big screen on the other stands showed the face of ben, showing the back of his blue kit—the exact someone like she was holding in her hands now—with the name ben chilwell and his signature 21 number on his right. scarlett looked down to the pitch and there he was, unmistakably so on her peripheral vision; jumping up and down on the left wing, starting his engine before the referee blew the whistle.

had someone just poured scarlett a bucket of water?

if the people on the box beside hers paid attention to scarlett, it was guaranteed they’d call for help, seeing how frozen and helpless she had become. her face was also turning to be the kind of pale that wasn’t caused by the usual london weather on november—yep, splashed by endless ice cubes would be the only reasonable explanation.

or perhaps, the urge to vomit was becoming too unbearable for her to hold it in.

oh, or maybe it was due to the fact that her head was spinning, unable to come into final conclusion that this was reality. being involved with c-level sounded more plausible than this since she’s the TA to one of the most famous LSE professors. this was turning into something no longer belonged to teen lit anymore—this was straight out of fairy tale.

benny—the sweet, easy-going benny she got to know the past week—is, in fact, a football player.

the joke was now on her.

＊✿❀○❀✿＊＊✿❀○❀✿＊＊✿❀○❀✿＊

“this way, miss evans,”

the waiting staff from her earlier time at the box was guiding the way to the familiar tunnel scarlett knew oh-so-well leading to the dressing room, instead of ben this time. but unlike last sunday when she was very relaxed under ben’s care, scarlett was visibly nervous this time.

everything looked the same—everything is the same—but it wasn’t at all at the same time.

“please wait here, miss evans,” the staff said, after manoeuvring both of them amidst the masses of people flocking the tunnel. scarlett could feel her mild anxiety attack towards overly crowded place creeping in, she should’ve told ben the real reason she wasn’t a fan of loud, packed surroundings. “mr. chilwell should be here any moment now, he’s just finishing up his media duty.”

scarlett didn’t know what else to do than muttered okay under her breath, her hands were involuntarily picking against each other due to the uncontainable jitters on her nerves. she also wondered why, she didn’t even feel this fidgety when she had to undergo all of her previous important life events.

“you must be benji’s girl,” a voice came up from behind, startling her in her place. “scarlett evans, no?”

the way benji’s girl rolled down his tongue did wonders to her. not because he was handsome—although deep down scarlett admitted chelsea’s number 19 had the looks to kill for—but because of the way it sent her shivers and warmth down her body at the same time.

“i actually don’t know how benny thinks about it,” and she wasn’t lying. it hadn’t occurred her what benny might be telling his friends about her, or if he tells anything in general. “but yeah, i’m scarlett. nice to meet you, mount.”

“i thought you don’t know balls?” mason pulled out a surprised face. “or has benji fed me with lies?”

“i just watched one so i can say i’ve shed this whole virgin to football status,” with that, mason immediately figured out why his mighty best friend had fallen down to the pedestal. “congratulations for the hattrick, by the way.”

laughter subdued now but mason was still smiling. “well, thank you—”

“oi, mount!” and there was the voice they both were so familiar with. “don’t you scare her off!”

“oh, bugger off, chilwell,” the younger footballer groaned as soon as his left winger pulled scarlett closer to him, playing along the skit. “why must you always have the best girl to date?”

if mason didn’t know the whole saga of chilwell getting bewitched, he would be in a state of shock at the fact that his best friend had already moulded his body perfectly to match scarlett’s. the benji he knew by far had only been this affectionate with his dog—even his parents couldn’t be on par with his furry companion.

“because they only deserve the best,” scarlett was hoping—god, please let it be true, she prayed inside—that she wasn’t hallucinating when she felt benny pecked the side of her head lightly. “now run along, child.”

“alright, alright, dad,” mason faked a disappointed sigh before turning to scarlett. “call me when benji deserts you, love.”

at the younger’s teasing, ben stepped up and ready to chase the laughing midfielder down the tunnel. he halted his steps when he felt a hand tugging his gently, all while laughing at the funny interaction laid before her. he reckoned it reminded her of her own friendship with abigail, he couldn’t help but smile at the resemblance.

as well as how dashing she looked—blue and his name on the back surely fitted her to a T. but most of all, she stood in front of him, in flesh and blood, unwavering even when mason caught her off guard.

“you’re here,” ben didn’t think twice as he embraced her tightly, breathing in the lavender scent of her hair, such a welcoming smell against the reek of the boys’ sweats. “you stayed.”

her voice muffled against the padded jacket he was wearing. “where do you think i’m going?”

“could’ve beaten me running down the left flank, you never know.”

“well, hate to break it to you but i think i’m better at staying, especially—” scarlett pulled away and ben was giddy already on a very subconscious level, he didn’t even know what she’d be saying! “when food’s involved.”

ben laughed, his body warm from head to toe from the feelings he contained inside of him he felt he could combust. he pulled her towards him again, swaying her with him left and right.

scarlett joined in his contagious laugh, her wrecking nerves long forgotten. her understanding about the concept of space became blurry whenever ben’s involved, she’d usually mind when her ex-boyfriend initiated such an intimate act of PDA. ben’s blatant adoration towards her blinded everything else in front of her. “that was a superb game, benny. or should i say, ben chilwell?”

“you’re not mad at me?”

“for what? for making me like a fool who doesn’t know who you are?” another wiggling eyebrow and ben wondered how there could be anyone beating emilia clarke’s signature eyebrows. “i thought you enjoy fooling around with me?”

“that i do,” his brain seemed to go into a havoc around scarlett—he was already tracing her luxury of having a naturally good-looking set of eyebrows with the tip of his index finger. “please stay forever, scarlett evans.”

“for you, i would, benjamin chilwell.”

＊✿❀○❀✿＊＊✿❀○❀✿＊＊✿❀○❀✿＊

“will you come to the next match?”

both ben and scarlett were walking hand in hand towards her flat, slower than turtle because they didn’t want this day to end. ben even parked somewhere relatively far on a usual day, moreover a chilly night—pun intended—like this.

it had been very close to be described as a lovely evening by far; ben introducing—showing off, per mason mount’s standard—scarlett to his teammates and everyone he practically knew around the ground, living up to his words by showing her the infamous dressing room buffet, taking her around for the post-game glowing pitch.

all without hands straying far from each other’s, as if they couldn’t have it enough between them. if they weren’t holding hands, ben’s hand would be flying over the small part of scarlett’s back or scarlett would close the distance to shuffle closer to ben. everything felt like a series of something overdue and not something that only took off within a couple of hours ago.

scarlett broke a part for a minute to wrap herself tighter with ben’s jacket he so kindly had draped over her as the night fell deeper. “if you promise you won’t get me the private box again.”

“why, i thought you’re not a fan of boisterous place?”

“you could’ve gotten me the worst seat on the stadium and i would’ve come anyway, because i was seriously thinking we’d watch the match with me on the stands and you guarding nearby,” noticing scarlett was rubbing her arms in a futile attempt to warm herself, ben stepped up to add some more warmth. “but it turns out to be something i enjoy being around, the atmosphere was okay.”

ben raised his eyebrow, mockingly questioning her statement.

scarlett rolled her eyes at his response, turning her body around. “though had you told me you’re on the team—first team at that as well, mind you!”

ben gently pulled the sulking scarlett towards him before she could walk away from their conversation. “what’d you do?”

“well…” scarlett still wasn’t looking at him in the eyes so ben slid his hands to conjoin hers. it worked, with a bonus of gentle smile for him. “i would’ve come anyway, for you.”

“was it too much for you?” ben couldn’t contain his happiness, her words whispered against the cold warmed up ben from head to toe. “because if it’s too much, i can—”

what was that?

“no, it was perfect,” ben was trained to face the ball head-on under a millisecond without being fazed at all but it took him scarlett’s second time placing a feathery peck on his check—this time slightly above his growing beard—to be able to sink reality in. “thank you, chilwell.”

ben could feel his cheeks burning. was this santa’s early gift for ben for having been such a very good and patient boy last week, when he was tested to face an abundance of energetic chelsea junior?

at the cute sight, scarlett laughed. “just remind me to bring abigail to the next game, but that is if you want me to be ther—”

in all honesty, ben didn’t know what came over him at that moment. he grabbed a hold of scarlett’s face and planted a kiss on her soft, plush lips. she tasted sweet, sweeter than the victory chelsea bagged this afternoon, but felt like the sweetest combination with his contribution of a goal to the big win. this couldn’t have been reality, could it?

ben pulled apart, but he was addicted to the forbidden fruit.

the sight of scarlett peacefully closing her eyes—content clearly drawn across her face—and lips gaping lightly and cheeks flushed endearingly that certainly wasn’t because of the cold weather was enough to make he, ben chilwell, one almighty to that “the bachelor” series were nothing but a bundle of bullshit, was now falling in love with the speed of a lightning. he couldn’t even believe he could contain love as big as what he felt towards this woman in his arms, small and safely tucked against the cold air of november.

so, he made himself believe and took the dive himself, his lips finding hers accurately again like his strike for the past four matches.

“i’d love you to have you on every game,” ben rested his forehead against hers gently when he once again pulled away, and scarlett slowly opened her eyes at the slight pressure. nothing was more beautiful than the combination between the sweet smile breaking into her face and those clear eyes opening only to reflect the stars above—a reminder there was endless silent witnesses hovering over them. “more than anything,”

scarlett shuffled closer to ben, resting her hands comfortably on his waist, as he continued. “nothing compares than looking up to the stands and see you’re there, supporting me even though you’d prefer somewhere else quieter, wearing my kit—”

“technically, this is not yours; this is a new kit, specialised for me. it’s just got your number on it.”

ben chuckled at her retaliation; her comment and timing were never not impeccable. “i’ll give you one of my personal treasures then, the champions league final kit i wore.”

scarlett gave him a playful disgusted look. “have you washed that?”

“deary me, woman,” ben whispered against her lips, before closing the distance completely. “you should feel lucky i love you.”

“damn it, i really should’ve pulled up my courage to confess my sins yesterday,” scarlett groaned at the loss of ben’s lips and the stubble she could feel under her fingertips as the footballer retreated. “i feel like it’s piling up. first, i went to the bridge behind my dad’s back. then, i kissed the enemy. now, i’m dating him. does the church take instalment on owning up my sins?”

ben threw his head, laughing loudly at—now officially and reciprocally—his girlfriend.

＊✿❀○❀✿＊＊✿❀○❀✿＊＊✿❀○❀✿＊

it hadn’t been a full ten seconds for scarlett to lean her head against the back of the door, smiling widely as she tried to sink in whatever happened today—maybe more so in regards to what went down the last fifteen minutes—when abigail’s voice shockingly shattered her train of thoughts. “who was that?”

“oh, for fuck’s sake, abby!” scarlett was genuinely startled, jumping at where she stood. “i didn’t tell you where my spare key is so you could be a creep!”

“well, i wouldn’t be if i didn’t just see you snog off someone who has the face of ben chilwell!”

only when scarlett refused to say anything, did abigail realize the seriousness of this whole situation. “wait, i thought you went out with someone working for chelsea?”

“well, technically, ben works for chelsea, doesn’t he?”

jaw dropped, done. voice box silenced from screeching, done. now, abigail was sporting bulging eyes. “no fucking way.”

scarlett loved abigail’s disbelief reaction, and she loved it more when she could rile her up. so she did, by pulling out her phone and showed her the receipts—a photo mason had ever so kindly taken of them, pressed a tad bit awkwardly in a small space along the packed tunnel and another photo ben himself took to imitate their first meeting in stamford bridge (it’s a shame we never got to take a picture that day, he said). “yes fucking way.”

“so, you’re telling me that you went out with bloody ben chilwell and yet you didn’t tell me anything about your date?!”

“in my defence, abigail peters,” scarlett regained the possession of her phone, now reminded that she wanted to text ben the first place but was distracted by her best friend’s unprecedented presence in her flat. “i didn’t know who he is until the game started, okay?”

tell me when you got home safe xx, sent. “you didn’t know he’s the ben chilwell?” the short-haired nodded to once more confirm her friend’s clarificatory question. “what on bloody earth… i thought you went to oxford!”

[turtlepanic]

Hey, guess who’s continuing the first Kai ramble!!

(⚠️Warning: Immense hate on Kai and Nya’s parents⚠️)

Ok- so I can’t remember the season but do y’all know that time where Kai found out his parents were still alive? I feel like he would’ve gotten hecka angry if it wasn’t a kids show.

Like- imagine from Kai’s pov: You’ve been the only person raising your little sister for almost to all her life, sacrificing all hopes of a fun and whimsical childhood to at least give Nya one. Then all of a sudden you realize your parents are still alive, and they never did their job as parents! They left you with your little sister when you were a child, unable to work jobs, get money, or even do things to help said sister survive like cooking, cleaning, and overall providing!

It sounds messed up right? Kai must’ve been pretty upset to know that years worth of struggle to give Nya the life she deserved could’ve been different if his parents actually fought to stay. And I kinda headcannon that ever since the fact they had well and alive parents came to Kai’s knowledge, he refuses to call them by parental title (mom and dad).

I feel like he would REFUSE to interact with them, and feel as they have no place in Nya’s life. I mean, looking back when their parents (I forgort their names bc they are stoobid and only appear like 3 times) got taken or whatever I forgot, they barely tried to fight! Like imagine someone trying to take you away and leave your two small children presumed orphans, any loving parent would be like “Heck no!” And those dumbos only seemed kinda sad for themselves.

Aside from their parents; I also head cannon Kai to be an amazing cook, he just doesn’t do it often anymore. But I feel like he would also put Nya first for stuff like leaving stuff for her to tinker on during Christmas (hence the engineering hobby)

I feel like when Kai first came to the monastery he refused to let anyone near Nya. Like hissing and biting. I mean he was probably a bit scared sometimes would happen.

And that’s the end of my unformatted rambling

[jeanstapleton]

Another Munch fan here, I like your analysis. Do you have any idea why Munch sometimes speaks in first person and out of nowhere in third? I didn't quite understand this, I looked for some theories, but I didn't find anything. Sad that the Fargo community is small, but good that we have people like you.

Прегръдки от България (⁠づ⁠￣⁠ ⁠³⁠￣⁠)⁠づ

hello!!! what a kind message 🥹🥹🥹 i have thought about this a lot!!! im putting it under a readmore bc i ended up talking a lot more than is necessary

the creators & spruell himself have mentioned a sense of depersonalization munch struggles with, and I agree 100%. munch is a human weapon with little to no sense of self. there's also the subtextual connection he has with dot which makes him wary of men, & thus more connected with women & children. if you go back to his scenes with roy, his posture is hunched with tense shoulders, & he barely makes eye contact. gator is different since, to munch, he's just a petulant child. munch is even wary of wayne at the very end, refusing to make eye contact with him until he's offered the soda, & even then he looks at wayne with intense suspicion.

the story makes it clear during the dinner scene that munch & dot are mirrors of each other; both sin-eaters who were forced to swallow the rage & violence of rich men. this with added trans subtext makes munch's disconnect with manhood even more poignant. the times when he refers to himself with first-person singular pronouns are when he's feeling extremely vulnerable, i.e. talking to irma about his past & returning to roy empty-handed. he doesn't use them exclusively, but rather they sneak through when he realizes there's nowhere to hide. other than that, its always "a man" or the royal "we" or just using his name in the third person. its also a form of armor. if he disregards his own humanity, its easier to avoid pain.

you'd think he'd start using first-person pronouns during the last 15 minutes of the finale, but its the closest he's ever been to raw hope, so its all disconnected pronouns that contrast heavily with the yearning in his facial expressions. he wants to be a person, to be loved, but he also has to guard himself in case things go exactly the way they always have for him for centuries. he's also generally just scared of dot in many ways. he's scared of her empathy, of her ferocity, of the love that fuels that ferocity, of her refusal to adhere to his view of the world, and of the ease with which she challenges it. he's encountering someone who has no ulterior motives, someone who has no desire to use him for anything. he's a guest in someone's home, presumably, for the first time in centuries.

tying into this, he's also afraid of how much he loves her, because he doesn't have the language or emotional intelligence to relay why he returned. violence is the only language he's fluent in, so he comes to the house with the request to finish their battle. it's a form of honor & respect, just the same as his categorization of her as a tiger. he views himself as an animal & he connects with the animal in her. that's why he returns with such a heavy demeanor of confusion. he's thinking about the fact that he helped a fellow abuse victim out of disproportionate unfairness, that he armed her against her abuser, that he dared to touch her! it's a lot!! and reciprocated love is just not something he understands fully enough to abandon his armor to. the lyons literally have to disarm him piece by piece. they use his name with the correct pronunciation, they offer him food and drink, they take his coat, & they make it absolutely necessary for him to accept responsibility by helping with the dinner they're going to share with him. they offer him the gift of autonomy.

[equarretedddd]

my headcanons and ideas regarding the backstory and the families of Abigail, Charles and Dick’s work trio (ive been thinking about this idea since 2021 andd now i want to complete it to the end lmao)

-

ABIGAIL

i see her childhood as rather unremarkable and ordinary.

she could live in some farm or country surrounded by warm wind and fields of wheat ears. she had a full family of father, mother and several siblings (presumably brothers). i assume that Abi noticeably lacked female maternal care and warmth, because her mother, although she could be quite caring and loving, was chained by some complex chronic disease that took a lot of time and effort. Abigail could often be surrounded by a male family side in the form of a father and brothers who could make fun of her sometimes, but nevertheless be an important part of her life (they would stand up for her and she would stand up for them too). her father could be quite a serious and strict person (maybe hes a cop i havent decided yet!), but Abi had a support and a role model, whom she could rely on and from whom she could feel moral support and understanding.

i see Abi’s rise up the career ladder as quite gradual and smooth. from an amateur family interest in music, she began to be interested in this on a more conscious level, that is, studying at the conservatory, time-consuming work and possibly establishing partnerships with other people.

-

2. DICK

i see his childhood as quite poor and not particularly enviable, maybe he was from an immigrant family where there was barely enough to pay the bills.

however, he was a pretty capable kid who was open to develop! he was quite willing to reach for knowledge and skills, tried to be interested in many things and dreamed of becoming successful, i actively see him as a geek and a technician! but perhaps, he was not particularly supported and helped in this, he had to resort to various kinds of offenses, he could just get used to it and consider it the only working way out (this does not justify him ikr hahaha).

nevertheless, he was insanely oppressed by his social status, he felt like an unaccepted and rejected outcast who would be shunned all his life. i guess thats how he got close to a successful career, getting involved with crime and mistreatment of people, because it WORKED. he looks like a man who seems to be boasted of his success, like "look at me im rich and i have achieved everything i wear in vulgar glamour clothes and hang out with hot girls and rich guys", but in fact he just went head over heels from the inability to cope with everything piled on him and the the cult of success and achievement gradually deprived him of humanity.

-

3. CHARLES

btw i really like the theory that he is somehow related to Salacia, i hope that something will be told about it! but i will try to push off from something else.

Charles himself looks like a person who… had been ready ALL his life for his purpose and responsibilities to be responsible for other people's lives (it concerns not only Dethklok because he literally holds the global economy and is responsible for almost half of the things that are related to the world situation). i see him as the son of a wealthy family with a very large family tree (cmon he fenced in college). he probably did a lot of things in his childhood that related to weapon control, self-defense and protection (this is even if we dont talk abt legal, economic, managerial, social and other shit that he had to deal with).

i literally see him as an indigo child who obviously always knew what he needed to do and he aspired to it through blood, tears and sweat. probably, he did not see any other way out and did not imagine what could be an alternative to this, although perhaps he was faced with a strong identity crisis when he did not understand why he was doing all this and whether this was really the essence of his existence, bcs, probably, others actively pushed participated in Charles' achievements and prospects. in general it was as if his entire subsequent life was built for him from the very beginning.

[lightkidshenannies]

trailer screencap + vague theory dump

ok lets start with alef/resh shall we? we all know the ushering stargazer is the one who found him f-resh-ly fallen, and it seems she takes him in (forgive the blur, its largely for comparison + flow)

but she's clearly sick or injured. she's not the only one we see with these (darkstone?) fragments

and i assume she passes, as the Embers are referred to as orphans by the devs and the fact that approaching the Isle, his guardian seems to change

and speaking of the isle, it seems it used to be heavily forested (and with no snags or stumps + apologetic lumberjack's memory i think it's somewhat safe to assume they were unsustainably harvested)

and there's no trace of these tents or anything now, except for perhaps sand dunes covering these pyramid-type structures. and as of that time in the trailer, the cave holding the first murals + first spirit you meet before the stairs to the temple hasnt been constructed

... and it also seems there was an area to the left of the temple that is just completely gone now

anyhoo back to reshyboi. we saw in this trailer and unfinished animation in sneak peeks that he loves mantas, and i think seeing himself + his own face in their designs is where he got the inspiration for his mask/headpiece from

also as a side note i think that theyre juxtaposing timelines in the trailer - if the long-haired Ember is Dusk and resh is Dawn it would make sense that resh came first and the other came later, their stories are just interconnected

ive seen some people point out that adult resh shows no skin, and the theory that he also has whatever shard sickness/injury that seems to be infecting people and light creatures, and while ive only seen that in response to the 'no shown skin' thing, i dont think ive seen anyone point out The Back Spike (broken down into three separate shots here so you can see the movement. i thought it was his left elbow at first)

however, some people have already pointed out the Lumpiness in his sleeves and wear on his gloves

resh saw this happen to people as a child, Dusk is watching it happen to his manatee, and the lighting in the trailer remains blue so i assume the shard sickness is completely unrelated to and/or came before The Shattering

however, it's somewhat interesting to me the imperfections in the big darkstone in eden the edenstone and the differences in how we see the physically shattered parts in Eye of Eden in-game (in other words, it's Interesting to me that it didn't Break In Half at the concave parts, only got chipped along the edges)

also, due to this mural

and shots like these

i think that in The Shattering, the palace above eden was blown into what we now call orbit closer to megabird, which helped restart the cycle

anyhoo, onto Dusk! i have A Lot Of Theories (obviously) BUT i think that Dusk's coming was foretold. maybe not as heavily prophesied as resh, but look at this mural and consider the context in the trailer. i think the one on the right is resh (bc he came first + the points around the candle light) and the one on the left is Dusk

if you'll forgive the altered screenshot, i think this is resh - and if it is, that means this is either historical record or prophesy, (the first of which confirms my theory for timeline re: resh coming first and Dusk after)

also the parallels are already popping off for Dusky

look at THIS - i always thought the rebirth sequence was very end-of-steven universe, especially with the way your individual appearance returns after hugging your light, (so To Me, this seems like Dusk after he made it through eden and is about to be reborn as the hopeful steward - the first to make it through after resh cut off the cycle and ushering in a new era of rebirth)

okay time for some largely unrelated stuff!

look at this shot of the boat! it's been broken already by the time (presumably) Dusk explores here, and the pipes leading to the battlefield have yet to have cracked the wall - what exactly is the timeline theyre working with here??

RAHHH CANON MOBILITY AID/PROSTHETIC DROP DURING DISABILITY PRIDE MONTH RAHHH RAHHHHH

l o o k at lamed i am losing my mind. mother superior could never

cratue (crab statue)

and somehow krill are even scarier in 3d animation ;n;

[butterscotch-brigade]

on gaz's hair: a theory (or 3)

ok SO: in Invader Zim Season 1 Episode 15A "Mysterious Mysteries," we see dib and gaz as babies. notably, despite being, yknow, a Literal Baby, gaz still has purple hair.

this raises the question: cartoon logic aside, how did gaz get her purple hair??

i have 3 silly little mini theories as to how this happened, but 2 out of 3 of them stem from one piece of trivia abt the show that was never officially revealed in any episode.

according to show writer eric trueheart, they originally planned to reveal that dib was in fact a clone/artificial creation, presumably made from his fathers dna (tho this last bit is only common fan speculation).

we dont know if this was ever intended to be true for gaz as well, but if it is, that ties into 2 of my theories. lets go over them and determine which sounds more likely:

for whatever reason, prof. membrane just decided to dye this infants hair purple. this has nothing to do w the clone/artificial creation theory and would realistically be harmful to a baby but as we all know gaz is built different and would probably survive anyway bc shes cool like that. personally i consider this to be the least likely

if we are to assume that dib AND gaz were both clones made from membranes dna, that means that somehow, membrane has Purple Hair Genes that gaz inherited but dib did not. how is this possible? idk its a cartoon man

what is probably the most likely theory, knowing membranes personality: again based off the idea that gaz is a clone/artificial creation, membrane probably thought to himself at some point during the creation process, "hey wait a minute. wouldnt it be fucking sick if i could create a baby with NATURALLY purple hair" and then proceeded to fuck around w her genetics to create the worlds first naturally purple-haired child. For Science ofc

anyway those r my Thoughts abt why gaz's hair looks like that. ofc the most logical answer is that its a cartoon so it doesnt rly matter but still i wanted to put some thought into it anyway. hope u enjoyed. heres a trophy for making it this far

[dancedance-resolution]

feel free to read beneath the cut if you’re a queer woman ish person who’s had sex with a cishet man before and wants to give me some advice lol

i’ve decided im going to have sex with a cis man to see what it’s like, figure out some gender stuff, and first hand research on how penises work for writing reasons.

on bumble, i found the one in ~50 who doesn’t repulse me! i messaged him:

Hi [Name] - so I’m looking for something really specific haha. I’m trying to figure out some gender stuff, and I’m interested in having sex with a man with a penis. The way this would work for me is we’d meet up somewhere for coffee/lunch, then based on vibes etc, we’d determine if we want to see each other again for that :) Is that something you’re open to?

he said: That’s pretty interesting hahahaha. I might be down for that

we made some small talk (he has a couple of cats and an aussie named darby, he asked me if i like music games books, etc). we both live with our parents but he said “I’ve got a pretty big back seat I guess LMAO”. generally he has been extremely polite and not creepy at all despite the clear implication that i am a “virgin” to men with penises, and he seems friendly too.

it is his birthday this weekend so he is busy (also i’m going on a first date with someone who i’m actually interested in a relationship with on saturday), but he said he will let me know if he’s available for coffee on monday between 4 and 6.

his profile says his main hobby is video games. he’s two counties northwest of me aka lives in hick country and looks a little bit like it but in a very non intimidating way. he doesn’t show off muscles in any photo like so many of these men do, so i’m hoping he’s got a ‘dad bod’ or whatever. (i hope that doesn’t come off as me emasculating fat men; i just like fat ppl generally regardless of gender.)

i am optimistic! worst case scenario he actually does repulse me and i don’t have sex with him. best case scenario maybe i get him off in the back seat of his car (although i presume its a truck lol) and it sparks some realizations about everything i want it to slash helps me get some answers on those things! also im really really excited to see what a functioning penis is actually like

i don’t know what to do safety wise. my only irl friend is a 2 hour drive away for the next few months and i obviously cannot tell my catholic mother that her lesbian child is meeting up with a man i met on a dating app. she has my phone location at all times though, and ill share my location with my irl friend too so they know what’s going on. im not overly worried about safety??? however if i get in his car for sex stuff that’s theoretically the riskiest part. idk though i’ve never really considered safety on first dates??? like i don’t have a contingency plan for saturday other than having a phone on me, but i feel like bc this guy is a man i need to be more cognizant of safety. so if anyone has any advice on that, that’d be cool

also generally if anyone has been in a similar situation, lmk if you have advice or even just tell me what it was like for you bc im nosy lol. anons are open etc. also sorry if you read all this lol

[vrabbiit]

Hope this is okay to ask, but how do you think Freddy, Sun, and Moon would react to their S/O being scolded/talked down to by an angry patron/parent/etc to the point of tears? (Definitely not projecting bc a lady chewed me out over the phone not even an hour into my 8 hour shift and made me cry in front of my boss lol nope no way--)

ohhh boy i hope you're ok anon!!! but i can relate hard to this so i hope it makes you feel better! i ended up writing full on short-fics for this, whoops!

Warnings: Mentions of a panic attack (doesn't happen in the writing though!)

Glamrock Freddy |✧˖*°࿐ . . .

Freddy may be the pinnacle of politeness and good customer service, but even he has his limits. And this patron, from what he'd seen around the Pizzaplex, was pushing them as far as she could. He hesitated to use the word "Karen" (not that he necessarily understood the meme), but with the way she was admonishing the few human staff with barely a glance at the children she was dragging behind her, it would probably be an apt description. He'd seen her complain at the entrance staff for her having to queue like everyone else, heard her raise her voice when the food she'd snappily ordered "wasn't hot enough", and even witnessed her huff because her child wasn't allowed to jump the queue at Fazer Blast.

All of that, he could keep his composure through. If he gave the clearly exhausted workers a sympathetic word or glance through the day, that was just him being a good coworker.

His absolute limit came, however, when he saw the woman round on you. Simply walking through the Pizzaplex in uniform (even though he knew it was your lunch break) had painted a target on your back for the unpleasant parent, and he watched from a distance as she stalked up to you and tapped your shoulder much more harshly than necessary. He couldn't quite hear what you said, but before you could finish your sentence the sound of her shrill voice pierced his ears, interrupting you. Rude.

Your eyes widened slightly, and you shook your head, presumably trying to explain that whatever she wanted from you, you couldn't do, because you were of course on your break. Ms Karen didn't like that one bit, and her voice raised even more, even going so far as to jab at your chest with clear intention to point out your attire.

The following events happened so fast that you don't think you could have explained it if you tried. One second, you were getting talked down by possibly the most unpleasant patron you'd ever encountered. There was a tightness in your chest that hadn't been there before, and you felt your eyes well up even as you pushed them back with everything you could. The next, there was a blur of orange behind her shoulder and you watched as the very face of the franchise approached. There wasn't much room for expression on Freddy's face, being a robot and such, but you could tell he was not happy.

"Excuse me," he spoke, and you didn't miss the absence of any sort of "ma'am" or "miss" in his wording. "Is there a reason you're harassing a staff member on their break?" Straight to the point. The woman turned, clearly expecting to see a human she could unleash her venom onto, and she stopped in her tracks, taken aback by the idea of being confronted by a robot of all things. She started speaking, then cut herself off, before taking a second to compose herself.

"This employee," and she wrinkled her nose at the word, "just refused to show my children to the arcade," she huffed. Freddy gave you a look now that the woman's back was to you, eyes softening, and you quickly took a moment to wipe your eyes and catch your breath. You hadn't quite tipped over the edge into a panic attack, but it had been close.

"That is because they are on their break, and even if they weren't, taking care of your children is not their job." Back to addressing her, any sort of softness he'd shown you had vanished. He was being perfectly polite, using a matter-of-fact tone, but you could tell from his bluntness that he was mad. "They clearly weren't doing anything, though!" the woman protested, and if he could roll his eyes, you knew Freddy would have. He knew just as well as you that you'd been walking on the way to get your lunch.

"May I remind you," (and there was a definite pointed threat behind the politeness in his voice), "that parents are not to leave children under 13 unattended in the Pizzaplex. Any guardian found doing so will be prosecuted for child abandonment and asked to leave. It was in the entrance waiver you signed." Her kids were definitely not above the age of 10, and while you hardly believe that what Freddy was saying was actually a completely legal clause (or even one that was in the rules of the establishment), you knew for a fact that the woman had signed the waiver to get into the Pizzaplex without reading it.

She knew that too and froze. Then, without giving you a second glance, she turned and tugged her children away, mumbling about how "people don't understand how hard it is to be a mother of two boys," and "couldn't she have just a moment to herself.

As soon as she was gone, Freddy was back to his usual comforting self, taking your hand and guiding you out of the main atrium without a word. As soon as you were out of the public eye, you squeezed his hand and he turned to face you.

"Are you alright?" He moved to hold your shoulders, searching your face with worry. You nodded, although now that the situation was over you sagged slightly, exhaustion peeking through now the panic was gone.

"Yeah, I'm okay," you sighed, "I should've known better than to walk near her when everyone was already complaining about how she talked to people."

"That is not your fault," he admonished, although there was no harshness behind it. He pulled you into a hug, his arms around you helping you ground yourself back to normal. He waited until you were ready to pull back, and if it took longer than the "normal" time for a hug, he didn't complain. Soon, you were back to your regular self enough to joke.

"Y'know, her face, when she saw it was you talking to her, was priceless," you smiled, even if it was still weak. "I bet she never expected that she was going to get told off by Freddy Fazbear himself."

Freddy just chuckled, a sheepish sound even with his confidence. "I don't like telling off patrons, but she deserved it." You slipped out of his arms, brushing yourself off and catching a glimpse of your face in a glass surface nearby. Although your eyes were still red-rimmed, you'd managed to hold back the tears pretty well, and you didn't quite look as shell-shocked.

"Yeah, she did."

Sun and Moon |✧˖*°࿐ . . .

Since you started helping Sun in the Daycare, you've seen your fair share of... shall we say, stressed parents. Mostly, the kind of people who dropped their kids off at the Pizzaplex were the kind who worked all day or just those who had the money to pawn their kids off to someone else. You didn't complain, of course - it's good that kids had a place to come and play and learn formative skills, and Sun was an absolute angel with them all.

You noticed quickly, however, that people seemed to unanimously prefer talking to you over the Daycare Attendant, even though you were new. Some of them had even said to you, in hushed tones, that they were "so glad an actual person was making sure their kids were safe." To which you'd politely responded that Sun was fitted out with the most state-of-the-art security measures, and if anything was to happen, he would be more than capable of protecting the kids. Most accepted it, or at least stopped trying to bad-mouth them to you, sensing you didn't share their views, but one such parent did not get the hint.

It was the father of one of the little girls who spent a lot of time in the Daycare, and as he waited by the security desk for Sun to bring his daughter over, he expressed the usual sceptical sentiment to you. You responded, as usual, expecting the conversation to be over, but instead, he just huffed, eyeing you with a disdain you hadn't expected.

"You're just saying that because it does your job for you, though." He scoffed, not letting you get a word in before he continued. "Not everyone's hardworking, I get it, and it's so easy to sit and let these machines do all the work."

"Sir-" you started but were quickly interrupted.

"I just don't understand why you'd work in childcare if you're going to put those children in danger every single day. I'd quit if I were you." Even if they were untrue, the words cut deep. Is this what the parents thought of you? And why was he saying it as if it was your fault Sun existed?

Before you could even respond, you were saved by Sun skipping over, the man's child in tow. He didn't even respond to the Attendant's polite small talk, just giving you a dirty look and leading his daughter out of the Daycare. Sun turned to you, seemingly confused before they spotted your face.

"Sunshine, are you okay?"

You hadn't realised, but you'd been stuck shell-shocked for the past few seconds. You looked up at him, eyes wide before you shook your head.

"I think I just got called bad at my job."

The way he'd said it, so matter of fact, had surprisingly shaken you, and Sun watched with growing concern as you explained the conversation. When you finished, they quickly pulled you into a hug, a murmur of "Oh dear," accompanying his embrace. They pulled back after a second, studying your face and saying your name in a way that suggested they were very serious for once.

"Please listen to me. That man has no idea what he's talking about," Sun said, pausing to make sure you understood. "All of the kids love you, some even more than me!" You let out a weak laugh at that - it's true that some of the children had recently latched onto you, and it brought you a little bit back to yourself.

"I think..." you started, unsure of how to word what you were thinking. "I'm more upset that he thought you were dangerous."

"He's not entirely wrong," Sun commented, "Moon is ready to do some very bad things if they see him." Despite there being no semblance of a joke, you laugh anyway. Leaning your head into their chest, you relax as much as you can. While it'll take more than an insult to completely rock your confidence, you're still hurt at the idea that the parents you talk to so casually could turn on you that quick. Still, Sun doesn't say any more about it and you think that you've moved on.

The same cannot be said for Moon.

When the Daycare lights go off, you feel a shadow immediately.

"Hi Moon," you greet the other side of the Daycare Attendant, but something feels wrong.

"You're still bothered by that man," he says. It's not a question.

You sigh, pivoting to face the animatronic in the dark. "Sometimes, people say things that are cruel. We move on from it, but it doesn't mean they don't hurt still."

"It's not true."

"I know, Moon. I know." You know they're trying to help in their own way, and as you turn to finish tidying the security desk (the only source of light in the room beside Moon's eyes) he leans himself across you, pulling you back into their chest. He's comforting you, in his own weird way, and you resign yourself to the fact that the so-called "dangerous one" out of him and Sun is going to be extremely clingy until they are sure you're not upset anymore.

[euthym1as]

I saw you made a post already about Venti and bohemian raspody (I think I spelt it wrong sorry) but do you have any imagines for other songs and other characters? I'm the type of person who always needs SOME sort of song on or brain don't work.

Childe def have something to say about rapustin or its genshin remix. I'd imagine Xinyan would be excited to hear our rock songs. omg if Beidou sang Butch 4 Butch (by Rio Romeo)...

sorry about the slight tangent, this can be cult!SAGAU or just general self-aware

YEAHHHHH okay most of these are going to be songs I listen/have listened to but I will include the rasputin/genshin remix of it bc I have to. mild warning for violence at childes bit talking abt what happened to rasputin

A speaker, a stranger, and songs from faraway places.

VENTI gathers the crowd in Mondstat to listen to a strange box filled with strange sounds- and you come quickly to claim it as yours. Disappointed, the bard hands the device back to you, only for you to strike up a new tune- one he had never heard before...

Fischl is fitting of the middle school kids who called themselves 'emo' and listened to pop-punk, and she would probably listen to Halsey's Badlands album and cry that this person understands her like nobody else does.

Eula demands to hear the music the upper crust of your society listens to, and when you put her on classical music from your time, she seems... bored. The speaker autoplays (somehow) to an early Taylor Swift song- and Eula gets up and twirls around like never seen, crying out that this female bard speaks with the feeling of a thousand hearts. The song is Love Story. Amber is seen in the background holding Baron Bunny in awe.

XINYAN takes the sheet music you hand her and looks it over, amber eyes scanning through the pages. A smile is alight on her face, and she skips back up to the stage, cueing the conductor to start from the beginning. She starts strumming the chords, and she opens her mouth to sing.

I'm in the business of misery,

Let's take it from the top,

She's got a body like an hourglass, it's ticking like a clock,

It's a matter of time before we all run out,

When I thought he was mine, she caught him by the mouth-

Liyuen people have begun to gather, and Xinyan is really getting into the song. Her strong chest vocals fit the song's key very well, and the little way she shakes her head when she hits the chorus sends the audience into a cheer.

Whoa, I never meant to brag

But I got him where I want him now

Whoa, it was never my intention to brag

To steal it all away from you now

She's having a blast, and Yun Jin and Zhongli are both bopping their heads along to the beat. Xingqiu looks like he's had an epiphany. He's holding onto Chongyun's arm, and Xiangling is helping Gouba up to dance on the table. You catch Xinyan's eyes and her expression says everything- thank you, thank you for making my dreams a reality, thank you for believing in me when nobody else did.

TARTAGLIA isn't too far away, and he hears the loud thrums of Xinyan's guitar and smiles. He misses her infectious positivity from the Labyrinth, and he hopes that one day he can be brave enough to tell her the truth about who he really is. She deserves at least that much.

You find him hanging around underneath the red metal walkways, holding a kite from a toy maker, presumably to send back home. He catches your eye and smiles, but the smile has a repressed pain barely kept behind it.

He asks if music meant a lot to your home. You nod, and say that it was one of the things that connected you all the most. Your eyes brighten, and you say that your home had a song dedicated to a lover in a snowy kingdom much like himself. He's confused, and asks you to show him more. So you let him listen to the full four minutes twenty eight seconds of the song, watching as his eyes are sparkling with interest. It's the next part that gets him.

But when his drinking and lusting

And his hunger for power

Became known to more and more people

The demands to do something

About this outrageous man

Became louder and louder

You see him cringe inwardly and bite his lip, almost like he felt scolded. The song comes to a close and he gasps as the lyrics tell of the man Rasputin shot dead.

He asks if that was a real man from your home or just a story. You reply that Rasputin was very real, and his story served as a lesson to those that followed him. Much like himself, you note, Rasputin was loved heavily and capable of so much change. He seems a bit lost. He wasn't as prolific a lover as the man in the song. You sigh, and remember that sometimes he cannot see himself in all his layers the way you do. He can't see himself as you [we, you whisper] see him.

[thenon-fictiondays]

ok i know I've never posted anything about this fandom before but i know there's a lot of confusion in the sabikui fandom about who the kid on the cover of volume 8 is and im doing some digging so lemme take yall on a JOURNEY (spoilers for LN obvs)

so I know a lot of people have been hoping that this kid is a Milo-Bisco Iovechild and pointing out stuff like the blue highlights in the kid's hair, and referencing sources saying they raise a child together. This post may come as a bit of a disappointment in some ways particular for the shippers but like....I promise that whatever you're imagining, this is gonna be a wild ride.

so I was looking at some stuff online and came across an article on some of the plot points from the novel according to some of the readers (meaning ofc that the info is only as accurate as the readers' interpretation and translation skills) that Bisco and Pawoo get married and have a kid. Presumably, this kid

given that she looks exactly like Bisco and her name is listed as Akaboshi Sugar. So I was just assuming that she's Bisco and Pawoo's kid and Milo helps Bisco raise her bc.....thats what makes the most sense?? So when the sources said 'Bisco and Milo's child' what they meant was the child that they raise together. BUT. I was talking to my friend about it bc she's the one who dragged me into this fandom, and she found a summary of the volume in jpn. Now, the summary states that Pawoo is pregnant.......but it also explicitly states that Milo delivers a baby. It doesnt just say that they HAVE a kid, it says that Milo gives birth. Cue me and my friend losing our minds.

but wait there's more!

after we're done freaking out in DMs Im going about my day but in my head is just wtf wtf Milo has a baby wtf and then 3 hours later it hits me

yeah, Im dumb. this makes 8000x more sense. (But like....the word the desc used is 出産 and I've never seen that used to describe someone else helping someone to deliver a baby.) My friend and I are debating, she thinks that the kid might belong to the other Akaboshi (sexy dreds lady pictured above), I think its Pawoo's and Bisco's and we got queerbaited hard. My friend does some more digging and finds a reddit thread with commenters saying it actually IS Milo's kid via some kinda mushroom magic. I'm like please god let this be true I want this to be true so bad. but at the same time.....this is still shounen and I'm 99.99% sure society hasnt advanced far enough to allow this level of queerness in shounen. At this point we're like, okay we gotta read the novel and find out wtf is going on. So my friend bought it online and I get to work reading (ok, skimming).

First thing of note: Pawoo is indeed pregnant with Bisco's child...and by child I mean mushroom half-god half-human. Don't ask me what this means or how it works.

Second thing of note: Milo asks Akutagawa for baby names (this actually has nothing to do with anything i just thought it was really cute jdhjsjk)

at this point im like ok cool whatever the mushroom magic probs refers to the apparently super-powered mushroom baby Pawoo is carrying. Except...

Third thing of note: Milo has apparently been experiencing morning sickness. Well, it's not explicitly called morning sickness, but he's been having the same pregnancy symptoms as Pawoo and hasn't been able to find a medical cause. He's also been hiding it from Bisco so as not to worry him. Supposedly, it's a side effect of being imbued by Bisco's life force??

Fourth thing of note: Eventually he's struck with intense stomach pains and yells that there's something in his stomach. At this point I was highkey skimming bc it was very late and I had a headache, but a few pages later a child has appeared.

so.........................................yeah I think Milo just gave birth to Bisco's child

I guess I'm spending my day off doing a closer reading to try to fill in some of these gaps, lmk if anyones interested in an update 😅

[father-time-and-baby-new-year]

Let’s Talk About Bully!Eren Angst Fic

TW: mentions of dubcon/noncon, abusive behavior, memory loss, mention of mental health and illness, addiction, bullying

First of all, I seriously need to come up with a title for this fic bc Bully Eren has grown to a multi-verse [babytrapping!Eren & this Eren, while they are both bullies and were childhood friends with reader, occur in different universes]

Okay so that out of the way, a timeline:

[scroll down if you don’t want to see timeline]

1. Floch throws a party in senior year, just before the second semester is about to start, on a Friday. Eren sexually assaulted you at this party by forcing oral sex from you. He records this. After he finishes and forcing you to swallow his cum, he tells you to get out. This is the last Eren has seen of you.

2. On Monday, you are not at school. On Tuesday, you are not at school. Eren goes to your house to find it empty and is starting to get worried.

3. Wednesday night, you are confirmed missing thanks to your mother who is implied to be a very absent parent. Absent to the point where she doesn’t recognize her own child is missing until later.

4. There are search parties and interviews. Paradis is a very small town with not a lot of resources to spare. Tried to get aid from neighboring towns but for mysterious reasons, it fell through. The fic doesn’t cover the investigation side of things as it is conducted off-screen. However, there is not a lot of progress made. You left everything behind and the cameras from the traffic stop supposedly catch a glimmer of you in a vehicle. [this information is not released to the public and this lead falls through]

5. Ultimately your case receives less attention day by day as Paradis finds itself dealing with more pressing concerns.

6. Eren gets injured multiple times, and his chances of going pro vanishes. Carla Yeager dies.

7. Eren spends the next year wholeheartedly looking for you, but after his father’s death, loses will and motivation.

8. A year after his father’s death, Eren Yeager proposes to Mikasa, knowing she’ll say yes. They have a complicated relationship that had been heading towards a downward spiral. She even stays in the town for him, even though a majority of their school friends have left for college. Eren is a very cold partner but Mikasa still has hope he’ll be a good husband.

9. Six months into their fiancé and fiancée relationship, Mikasa cheats on Eren, presumably to elicit a reaction of any kind. Eren meanwhile has started to develop a drinking habit. Even after Mikasa quite literally tells him of his affair, he stoically tells her that they should break up. It’s unclear whether Eren asks for a breakup because of the affair, or because he realized the relationship really was headed nowhere and there was no use in keeping appearances.

10. For the first time in a long time, Mikasa witnesses Eren showing emotion and anger after she mentions you. Insinuating that you’re dead or that he made you kill yourself drove him wild. Mikasa leaves and moves out very soon after.

11. Eren’s drinking proves to be catastrophic for him as he find himself entangled in DUI’s. Heavily implied he has depression and sleeping problems. Also implied that he’s been sleeping around with a “whore” because she looks a lot like you. Unclear if she’s actually a whore or Eren just calls her one.

12. Still he keeps his hands busy by woodworking and helping out in the neighborhood. He’s incredibly well-liked by everyone, especially the elderly, despite his very introverted nature.

13. About 5-6 years have elapsed since your disappearance. Eren grows his hair out now and regularly ties it into a man bun. On a sunny morning where the birds have never chirped louder, Eren hears a moving truck and sees two kids playing with water guns.

14. There is a knock on his door from his new neighbor who wants to introduce herself. It’s very clearly you although you look older and much happier. Eren, whose quite literally in midst of having a panic attack calls out your name, which confuses you and prompts you into asking if you’ve met before.

So which is it? Does the reader have memory loss or does she not recognize him bc he looks so different?

Answer: Brace yourselves because the truth is……….*bangs drum* MEMORY LOSS❕well it’s not that cheerful but yep. Also even if Eren changes his appearance….how could you ever forget those green eyes?

So okay humor aside, this story is very Eren-focused and even though I have described the abuse he’s inflicted on the reader and his documentation on it, it’s still very easy to sympathize with him even if he quite literally put the reader through hell.

Of course, there are some moving parts to take care of. How does one move back into the town they disappeared from without causing any ruckus?

All that will be answered in part 2

Wait so…does the reader have a family now?

Yep.

[in-tua-deep]

idk if you still do au ideas but what if delores was a real person in the apocalypse? how it woul dbe done i have no idea but i love all your aus and thought it would be cool

okay okay I don't tend to go for real!Dolores aus admittedly because I find her much more compelling as what she is: a reflection of five himself and a symptom of his crushing loneliness

but i started thinking about it and you know what?? i think five deserves a little socialization, as a treat

so say like, 0.5% of the population is resistant to abilities. Allison would really struggle to rumor them, Five wouldn't be able to jump with them, and, most importantly, whatever the fuck Vanya's ability does has like, reduced damage or something

and the og apocalypse isn't the moon apocalypse, so let's say that it was pure waves of Vanya's powers that fucked over the earth

so 0.5% of the population survives the apocalypse. though, let's be honestly, the real number is a lot smaller than that. People who might have survived Vanya's initial power wave (miraculously) did not survive buildings crushing them or survive the car/plane/bus/train/other transportation crashes or survive being left alone when they are too young to reliably look after themselves, or the variety of other problems that come with 99.5% of the population dying at once

So, Five arrives in the apocalypse and is met with ruin and fire and a whole lot of dead people. He finds his siblings, but it doesn't matter. They're dead. He doesn't even recognize them at first, these strange grown-ups who he identifies not by their faces but by the umbrellas on their wrists that match his own

As he realizes the full impact of his situation, he hears a voice that says, very succinctly, "holy shit!"

It's a girl a few years older than Five himself, maybe 15 or 16, and she is very excited to see another survivor.

And here's where I u-turn this au around bc i'm not all that interested in real!Dolores, but I would be down to talk about Five meeting survivors in the apocalypse, because if Dolores is real I don't buy no one else survived.

So Dolores shows up and see a Literal Child crying over the corpses of his family and assumes that Five is a fellow survivor, and she immediately grabs him up. Five is incoherent with grief at this point anyway, so he doesn't even protest when she basically hauls him away from the bodies. She's babbling at him, but he doesn't really hear anything she's saying

And then she takes him to her dad

(Why not, let's have the 1% potentially be a heritable thing)

and her dad, let's call him just some dad name. like Rick. it has been a fucking WEEK for him, okay. he had his daughter with him, his ex-wife is on the other coast for her work, and by some miracle he survived the apocalypse and so did his child, and he's been wracking his brains trying to figure out what the fuck to do next

and then his daughter shows up with a traumatized thirteen-year-old in tow

now rick is a good dude. he's a dad. they get out of five that his name is five ("what the fuck" dolores mouths to him over five's shoulder and rick can't help but agree) and the bodies he found were his siblings ("Dad and Ben and Vanya weren't there though," this child cries desperately and rick feels his own heart clench in response, "They might still be alive!")

"We can look for them." Rick assures his new adopted child, because he is an adult in a fresh apocalypse and this kid has presumably lost everything he's ever known (more than rick even knows at the time)

and they do. They each get wagons and they go out and find supplies and look for other survivors. Five is... surprisingly helpful and also surprisingly docile as he is able to rely on Someone Else to give orders while he attempts to (dissociate) process what the fuck has happened

and here's the thing: Five prides himself on being independent, sort of. He's independent for a child soldier, but he's used to taking orders from a male authority figure and Rick happens to be just that

The first time that Five does something dangerous and Rick yells is a revelation

(Rick isn't sure if he hopes that Five's dad is alive or not, because if they find that man alive then Rick might just kill the jackass himself. Also like, Five is bizarrely knowledgeable out survival skills, like way too knowledgeable about it, which is helpful for them but also very concerning)

they find a newspaper and Five finds the article that mentions his father's recent death ("Huh. Heart attack." Five says, and there is no emotion in his voice)

(Years later, years later, Five and Rick talk. "I don't think I wanted to find him, either." Five admits, softly because Dolores is asleep, "I think I was more scared of finding him alive than I was of finding his body. He would've been so mad at me, I think.")

this newspaper is how Rick and Dolores find out about Five being Number Five, Umbrella Academy Missing Person

"Dude, what the fuck." Dolores says, wide eyes, "You're like, thirty?"

"I'm thirteen." Five says, and then checks the date on the newspaper again, "Also I think I would technically be 29 if I lived through all of it, 'cause it's April and my birthday is in October."

"You... time travelled?" Rick asks, which is honestly the more relevant question, "Can you go back?"

And Five just,,, crumples on himself. Because he tried, he tried really hard. It didn't work. "I'm gonna figure it out. I'm gonna go back, I'm going to save them."

That, Rick thinks, is a lot of weight to put on one person's shoulders, but especially the shoulders of a child.

"Alright." Rick says, because what else can he say after finding out his new child has superpowers and is from like, 2004? "What do you need?"

("Oh my god I have so many memes to teach you." Dolores says later, reverently. Five blinks in confusion and Rick mentally prepares himself for the recitation of so many vines)

And it's easier, somehow. Five sometimes feels like it's a betrayal, but he settles into apocalypse life with an ease that surprises him.

He lets Rick fuss over him and help tie his scarf securely around his head every morning before he sets off on supply runs with Dolores. And they're kids! Five has never had a friend before, and Dolores is funny and smart and she's struggling just as much as he is.

"I don't know if my mom's alive." She says to him, in solidarity when he checks the face of every corpse to see if they're Vanya.

Five is practical in the way only a child soldier can be. He's economical with the room in their wagons, carefully examining what might and what might not be useful.

Dolores, on the other hand, constantly takes up space with what Five sees as useless shit.

"Excuse you," Dolores says, shoving a game of monopoly, the entire discworld series, and a pack of glitter gel pens into her wagon, "These are absolutely vital apocalypse supplies."

She challenges him, plays with him in a way no one ever has. "I bet you I can find more batteries today than you can," She grins at him, "Winner gets to pick dinner first?"

"You're on." Five says, directly before Dolores pulls two packs of 24 AA batteries from behind her back, like a cheat.

Dolores makes him take a ten minute break when they find a playground that has been mostly not-destroyed. They rummage around kids backpacks and mother's handbags for some good loot, too numb to corpses to even be bothered all that badly about the corpses they belong to.

"I'm getting on the swings." Dolores says when Five starts making noises about moving on, "I haven't been on a swingset in ages."

"What's the point?" Five grumps.

"Don't be sour because you can't swing as high as I can!" Dolores laughs, getting higher and higher as the swings creak ominously.

Five grumpily gets into the other swing and grudgingly kicks himself back and forth until Dolores takes pity on him and teaches him how to properly move his legs and body to get higher and higher.

Dolores jumps from the swing seat and lands with a flourish and smile. Five jumps out of his seat and then jumps, warping right in front of Dolores and making her yell and hit at him in outrage. Five smiles the widest he has all week.

This is how Five grows up in the apocalypse, with Dolores teasing him into taking breaks and leaning over his shoulder to look at his math and scandalizing him by stating that she'd only just started on matrices in her own high school math class.

Every night they huddle around Rick while he picks up whatever book Dolores picked out that day because it is a travesty that Five has never read hunger games or whatever, and then they read together because it would be a genuine blood bath if they all took turns. The first time Five accidentally mentioned a spoiler and Dolores genuinely considered murder was the birthday of this tradition

Some days the air is too smoky or there are dust storms or it's just plain too dangerous to go out, and they all stay in. Dolores regales Five with stories about public school, and Five tells them about his siblings.

Then they all cry

"I shouldn't be crying." Five sobs.

"Shut the fuck up," Dolores sobs back, "You literally watched me lose my shit over remembering my shitty eighth grade dance and listened to me sob-sing toxic for like four hours."

"In fairness I also wished you would shut up then."

"Let me hug you or I will start singing songs that I only remember the chorus for again you absolute fucker."

"I could always sing some -"

"No, Rick/Dad."

And Five grows up. Rick shows him how to shave very carefully in front of cracked mirrors. Dolores teases him every time his voice cracks. Rick tells Five in no uncertain terms that he loves and cares for him, and that Reginald was a little bitch. There are a lot of heartfelt conversations around that, honestly. Rick telling Five that he and the siblings deserved better, that they were children and deserved to have a childhood.

And that he has faith in Five. Rick and Dolores both do, they bring him back paper and pens and pencils and chalk and anything Five can use to write equations. They poke around any libraries for books on theoretical mathematics and quantum physics. Rick and Dolores go out scouting for food while Five stays home and can work longer.

They also make him take breaks, make sure that he's looking after himself.

They're a little better off than OG!Five when it comes to food, because some animals survive. Enough that Rick figures out how to hunt. Five is the first one to each bugs, and even though Dolores makes faces they all start eating bugs as well.

"Pretty sure there's loads of cultures that eat bugs." Rick says grudgingly, wondering if he should try stirfry the cockroaches and if that would improve the taste. "There's even, uh, cricket flour or whatever, right?"

"Plus you eat like, five spiders a year when you're asleep." Dolores says cheerfully, just to watch her dad's face scrunch up in displeasure.

"That doesn't sound true, but I don't know enough about spiders to dispute it." Five mutters, and Dolores gives him such a proud look that it makes him roll his eyes.

They're in their thirties when Rick dies. He's out foraging and hunting, and the rubble he's standing on gives way and he ends up with a gash in his leg. He manages to stop the bleeding, but the world is filthy and they don't have any antibiotics.

He gets an infection.

"It's okay." He tells both of his kids, "It's okay. I'm just so glad that you guys have each other, y'hear? I'm so glad."

"It's not okay." Five says, voice thick and choked, "It's not."

"Yeah, well, you're going to figure out how to go back, right? Go back in time and save everyone. Then I'll have never died, right?" Rick smiles, "And even if you don't, I'll be waiting for you on the other side and we'll see each other again anyway."

"I'm going to fix it."

"I know. I have faith in you, Five." Ricks says honestly, and that's more than Reginald ever said.

They sit quietly together while Dolores is out scavenging. They've been taking turns sitting with Rick.

"I won't remember you, in the past, will I?" Rick says rhetorically, but Five answers anyway.

"I don't think so."

Rick hums, "Well, doesn't matter. If you need help in the past, you come to me, y'hear?"

"You won't remember me."

"Doesn't matter. You come find me, and you tell me your crazy story until I believe you, and then I'll help you." Rick says firmly, "You're family. You're my son. Timelines? Don't matter. If you need help, with anything, even if it's just with - with filling out a bowling team or something -"

"I have never been bowling in my life and you know it." Five interrupts, but it makes him laugh just a little bit which was clearly Rick's intention.

"Well who knows what you'll get up to in the past! You'll be able to go bowling, you know. Get to wear those uncomfortable shoes. Hey, you go far enough back maybe you can go to Dolores's tenth birthday party and put me out of my misery."

"Was she bad at bowling?"

"Oh, she was wiping the floor with me. No contest."

"Honestly, that sounds absolutely accurate."

"Shut up, bowling just wasn't my sport. Regardless, the point was that I'm giving you a free pass to come and get me. Because I know you, I know how you think." Rick brings up his hand to tap his finger against Five's forehead, "You get it into your head that you need to go it alone, take it all on your shoulders. I'm telling you that if you do that I'll somehow manifest my memories and come smack you over the head for being stupid, you hear?"

"I'm not dragging you into anything." Five says firmly, "I'll have my siblings."

"Who were also children." Rick points out. "And dragging? Dragging is such a strong word for a volunteer."

"A volunteer who won't remember volunteering." Five shoots back.

Rick just shrugs, and then winces when the movement jolts his bad leg. "Five, I'm going to be honest with you here. And sappy. Can you handle a bit of sappiness for a minute?"

"No."

"Well too bad. Can't leave a dying man, you'd feel too bad. So you're stuck with me. But you listen good, okay? Because you aren't dragging me into anything. Whatever life you have, I want to have a part of that. Because you're my son. Wherever you are, whatever you do, I want to help because you're family. What you'd be doing by leaving me out of it is depriving me of someone I love, depriving me of knowing one of the best kids I've ever known."

"Shut up." Five says, choked.

"Nope, it's sappy time." Rick states, "Maybe asking you to come find me is selfish, but I don't care. No matter what version of me exists, I want to be in your life."

"My life is a walking joke, why would you want any part of that?"

"It has been my privilege to watch you grow up. To help you. To be here for you. Of course I'd want to be there to watch you grow up the rest of the way."

"But -"

"Shut up, just let me tell you that I am so proud of you. You never give up, and your heart is so big. You love so much and so loudly, and it's been the highest honor of my life to be included in your family."

Five pauses for a moment to collect himself before simply saying - "You're the best dad I've ever had."

Rick snorts, "Considering my competition, I'd sure hope so. That bar was so low old Reggie was practically limbo dancing with the devil. Now get over here and give an old man a hug."

They don't bury Rick, when he dies. They don't have time and the ground is too hard and they don't have the heart to move him. Instead the pack everything up and seal him in the shelter they'd lived in.

Dolores pulls out a bottle of ancient nail polish and painstakingly writes Rick's name on the wall with his birth year and an approximate current year. They aren't 100% sure though, since time blends together out in the apocalypse, but it's something.

They continue by themselves. They get older.

Dolores jokingly calls him her husband because the way his face scrunches up makes her cackle. They see other people very occasionally, usually passing through. Usually groups. Dolores and Five get to flex their hosting skills, though more than one group declines their cockroach stirfry.

("It's a family recipe." Five says with amusement in his eyes that usually manages to drown out old grief.)

"Jeeze, that kid couldn't have been older'n twenty-three." Dolores complains, "Makes me feels positively ancient."

"They wouldn't have known any world 'cept for the apocalypse." Five muses, pouring some boiled water into wine glasses because they might be living in the apocalypse but they can be fancy.

"Do you ever think about that?" Dolores asks, turning to him with no judgement, just curiosity. "When you go back, you'll be like, erasing them from existence."

Five shrugs, "Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe this place will just split off into an alternate timeline."

"Maybe none of this is real." Dolores says, amusement coloring her voice. "Maybe you aren't talking to a real person at all. Maybe this is just a symbol of your insanity and cracked mind."

"Dolores, I literally have a scar where you stabbed me. Did I somehow manage to stab myself in the back?"

"Scraped you, I scraped you. By accident."

"So you maintain." Five says haughtily, swirling his water in his wine glass like a pretentious prick.

"I could totally be fake. You don't know my life."

"I know way too much about you, Dolores. Like, way way too much." Five scoffs, because Dolores and him have literally no secrets from one another at this point. Five even knows the truth behind what happened at Janet Scranton's thirteenth birthday party. Like, he said, way too much.

"Maybe you made it up. Maybe that's why you know so much."

"Dolores, I'm going to be honest with you right now." Five presses the tips of his fingers to his chin, "If you were a figment of my imagination, you would be so much better at math."

"Hey!" Dolores squawks indignantly, "I didn't even get to finish high school you pretentious prick!"

"Neither did I!"

"You didn't even go to high school, you brat."

"I'm fifty-two I think I've outgrown 'brat.'"

"Tell that to your attitude." Dolores says haughtily, "You're still younger than me."

"Won't be when I go back in time." Five says cheerfully, completely ignoring Dolores's venomous look.

"That's cheating."

"Sucks to suck." Five says loftily, taking another sip of his water.

Sometimes they talk about The Plan, with capital letters. What Five is going to do when he goes back in time, depending on when he pops out. Is he going to adopt his siblings? What about Reginald?

"You don't think I could kill Reginald?" Five says, holding a hand to his chest in mock offense.

"I think you should let me do it. I'll even give you control of tonight's music if you do."

"What are you doing to do? Bite his ankles? What if you're like, seven or something?"

"All the better to get away with it since I'll be too young to convict or whatever."

"Pretty sure that's not how the law works."

"How would you know? Just for that I'm playing Istanbul on repeat again."

"I don't know why you think that's a threat. That song slaps."

It takes a few more years before Five is close enough that the Commission comes to interfere. Because that's what I think happened - Five was getting too close and they stepped in because they might as well distract the man as much as they can with missions, right?

So the Handler shows up. And she offers Five a job, telling him that they have the ability to travel through time. And Five - hesitates.

"Give me some time?" Five asks, and the Handler graciously gives him 24 hours.

And he and Dolores talk it over, because now that his goal is more in sight than it has ever been and Five is scared.

"What are you waiting for? You have the chance to see your siblings again." Dolores says patiently.

"Yeah," Five says, and what he doesn't say is clear. But I won't see you.

"Five." Dolores says, and she cradles his face between her palms like he is something precious, "I have had so much time with you already. More than I would have ever. We have been so lucky, to have this time. How can I demand more than what we have already been given?"

"When have you ever not demanded the world, Dolores?" Five asks, his own hand coming up to cover Dolores's own.

"We've had decades together, Five. We're getting old. I was always going to lose you, one way or another. Nothing lasts forever."

"I don't want to lose you."

"I know. But if I had to choose a way, if I could decide where our story ends, this would be it. Letting you go, because this way you get to live. You get to see your family again. You get to save the world. I could ask for nothing more than for you to get your happy ending."

Five removes Dolores's hand from his cheek so that he can cradle it between them, "I'm happy here with you. I've never been happier. Isn't that silly? That I was happier in the apocalypse?"

"I bet killing Reggie would make you happy." Dolores laughs rustily.

"One day you're going to see the mysterious disappearance of a famous billionaire in the paper and feel a twinge of satisfaction and now have a clue why." Five laughs as well, shaking his head.

Dolores pats Five's hands, "Five, look at me. We've had our time. And you're going to give me even more of it. More time with my father. More time with my mother. I'll never know it, but you'll have saved me."

"What if this is - what if this is an alternate reality? What if I leave you here alone?"

"Then you'll be saving a 15-year-old girl from the same fate as me. Because as much as I love you, as much as I have loved this time we have had together, this is still an apocalypse. This should never have happened, and if you have a chance to go back and prevent it, then I want you to take that chance with both hands."

"Even if it means leaving you alone?"

Dolores smiles at him, "I'm not going to be alone. Far too many creepy crawlies in the apocalypse for that."

"Shut up, I'm being serious."

"Hmm." Dolores hums consideringly, "Maybe I'll head North, to that new settlement that last group said they'd heard word of. Sure they'd find some use for an old woman who's survived this long in the wilderness."

"You can have my half of the record collection." Five says, pulling her against him into a hug that she easily returns.

"As if I wouldn't have stolen them as soon as you left." She scoffs, but it's a little wet, and Five pretends his own eyes aren't leaking tears.

When The Handler comes back, Dolores gives him another hug. She also slips something into his pocket - some photos. They'd taken it a year into the apocalypse, when Dolores had found an ancient looking polaroid camera and towed it home despite Five's protests about practicality. The photos are worn and faded at the edges, but the smiles on Five's little apocalypse family's faces are undeniable.

"You'll have to see if they magically fade when you change the timeline." Dolores whispers to him with a grin, "Like in the movies."

"Okay." Five whispers back.

"You have the list of movies to watch, right?" Dolores says. Five rolls his eyes and nods because he wrote the list last night into his Vanya-book while Dolores hovered over his shoulder and critiqued his handwriting.

"And you promise to try a proper non-expired twinkie at some point?"

"That I do not promise. I think even looking at one would make me lose my lunch. I have twinkie-trauma."

"Shut up and get going." Dolores says, because the Handler is starting to tap her foot impatiently.

And off Five goes to become an assassin. Though - he's much more gentle this time. He's careful, he doesn't kill children and he usually takes jobs that don't require killing at all. He distracts and manipulates events as much as he can without killing.

He's actually much more well socialized, thanks to Rick and Dolores. Less feral child and more determined man on a mission.

Which is why he's so frustrated when he finally, finally manages to get the equations to work and falls through and falls - directly back into his stupid thirteen-year-old body.

"Shit." Five says, loudly, and revels in the surprised look on his siblings faces.

He strides into the kitchen, and they all follow him like ducklings. They look exactly the way they did when they died.

"Wow this is actually way harder than I thought it would be." Five muses, looking at their dead faces. But as Dolores would say, life is hard but you have to keep on trucking sometimes. "Whatever, what's the date?"

"Five, where have you been?" Diego demands, looking irritated. It makes Five snort in amusement.

"The future. The past. If you want like, an exact list of dates you'll have to hold your horses. I spent like, two weeks in Peru once. No souvenirs though, unfortunately."

They look taken aback, like they didn't expect Five to have quite this much sass. Oops. That is definitely Dolores's influence. Or maybe he was always a little asshole. In fairness, what teenagers aren't tiny assholes? He has an excuse.

"What the fuck does that mean?" Diego's eyebrows are furrowed in anger. It kind of takes Five aback for a second, because he remembers a Diego who stutters when he argued.

"When did you learn the fuck-word?" Five asks, raising an eyebrow before her can help it, "Grace ought to wash your mouth out with soap."

Diego immediately goes red, "Shut up!"

"Wow you're so easy to rile up. Aren't you like, twenty-something? Actually, I could figure out for myself how old you are if you gave me the date."

"I'm twenty-nine." Diego growls, like that was the point.

"Haunting!" Five says cheerfully, because that means there is way less time than he would like, narrowing his time down to a six month window.

It's extremely funny how his cheer makes all of them make faces.

It's Klaus who leans forward, "Why do you need to know?"

Klaus's face is open and curious and - (looks exactly like he did when Five found him all those years ago) - and Five can't help but answer him. "The world end on April 1st, 2019. No it isn't an April Fools joke, yes I have heard that joke like a million different times. I just want to know how close I landed so I can, you know, start working on how to fix that."

"Woah woah woah, roll it back." Allison says, holding a hand up, "What?"

"The apocalypse occurs on April 1st, 2019." Five says, slowly. "I have traveled from afar to prevent this from happening, because like, everyone dies."

"Everyone?" Vanya says weakly from the side.

She's clearly expecting to be ignored, so Five turns his head to address her directly by wiggling his hand back and forth a little. "Sort of. Like, not too many people survive at all. A handful of the human population, you know."

"But you survived?" Diego recovers admirably, if bitingly.

"Well, no." Five says rolling his eyes, "Wouldn't you just know it, Klaus here has managed to figure out a new ability!"

Everyone turns to look at Klaus, who immediately holds up his hands like he's being arrested or something, "I did not!"

"Wonderful! Now that we've established that I'm alive -"

"Why should we trust a word you say?" Luther says for the first time, looking pensive.

Five blinks, genuinely taken aback. "Because... I'm your brother? Because I can clearly and obviously time travel? Like, yeah, it would have been more convenient if I'd arrived in like, my old-body for proof-purposes, but like. I mean. Thirteen is still a pretty convincing age to be to prove time travel considering if I hadn't, I would be like, almost thirty."

"Roll it back again." Allison says firmly, "What do you mean by 'old body'?"

"Great question!" Five says pointing at Allison and smiling. Everyone looks at him weird again, and Five takes a moment to wonder if they've ever experienced positive reinforcement. Knowing Reginald, probably not. "Wait! Is Reggie alive? Wait, no, answer that in a second. Uh. When I time traveled I fucked up my body I guess, I was like, old. White hair and wrinkles-type old from spending decades in the apocalypse. But I fucked up the calculations and got booted back to my thirteen-year-old body, I guess. How, I have no idea."

"What?" Vanya says, still equally weakly.

"You have no idea how fucked up time travel is." Five whispers conspiratorially to Vanya, loud enough for the whole table to hear, "There are so many ways to die. Or permanently tear a hold in space time. But like, with life as we know if ending soon-ish, I figured I couldn't possibly fuck it up worse than it already was, y'know? Speaking of, anyone have the date again?"

"Wait, what was that about dad?" Luther asks, very focused.

"Oh, you still call him dad? Big oof." Five says automatically, because apparently his verbal filter is shot to hell after living with Dolores. It does make Klaus bark out a too-loud laugh.

"What does that mean?" Luther asks aggressively.

"It means Reginald sucks and doesn't deserve the title of 'dad,' what did you think I meant?" Five asks, and now both Diego and Vanya and both cracking smiles, though Vanya is covering hers with a hand.

"Have some respect for the dead." Luther growls, standing up and looking very large and threatening.

Five sways back, craning his head up, "Woah there big buy, sit down before I injure my poor growing spine looking up at you. Jeeze, did Reggie force feed you steroids or something? I wouldn't put it past him but like, I just want to know he at least went over the side effects of the drug with you. Also like, thanks for narrowing it down. Also terrifying! Seriously though, exact date please because if I have less than 24 hours I am going to break down crying and that is a threat."

"I love this Five." Klaus says reverently.

"March 21st." Vanya offers, finally.

"Wow! Terrifying!" Five says, clapping his hands together, "Hate that. Ten days, huh? Well, who wants to get on board the save-the-world express?"

Klaus immediately flings his hand in the air, Five points at his brother appreciatively. "Yes, excellent! I'll take the volunteer in the lovely skirt as my first team member. Any other volunteers?"

"Danke!" Klaus simpers, grinning widely like this is the vest entertainment he's had in weeks.

"I'm not just going to stand here and listen to you badmouth dad and boss us around." Luther slams his hands on the table.

"Well not with that attitude." Five snarks.

Diego raises his hand, "I would like to join team fuck dad as well."

"We can certainly debate team names later." Five says, nodding wisely as Luther gives some sort of scandalized gasp.

"Honestly, I just want to see where this is going." Klaus confesses.

Five shrugs, because he doesn't really care about the reason. "Don't you want to prove me wrong them? Prove what a well-adjusted young man Reginald Hargreeves raised?"

"Shut up." Luther grinds out, looking a moment away from throwing a punch.

"If this is all true, I have to get home." Allison cuts in, looking concerned, "I have - I have a daughter."

"I mean, if you want to give Claire a world to live in then I'd stick around, but that's just me." Five shrugs.

"You know her name?" Allison asks, obviously taken aback.

Five is almost offended, "Uh, yeah. I have her photo as well. Y'all get on like, a bizarre number of gossip magazine covers did you know that?"

Allison manages to outdo herself in terms of being taken aback once more.

There's a beat of silence, and then Five turns, "Vanya? You in?"

"Me?" Vanya blinks, looking shocked. "What can I do?"

"Yeah, what can she do?" Diego asks, crossing his arms and suddenly looking grumpy.

It baffles Five, who scrunches his nose, "Uh, like, a lot? I assume? I mean. I'm going to be honest here, just looking at y'all right now is a lot. In more ways than one! Hashtag trauma and all that, but like, name a single one of you that wouldn't be the most obvious person in the room as soon as you walked into it. Except Vanya, who somehow manages to look like a well adjusted adult, by some miracle."

"Did you just verbally say the word hashtag?" Allison asks, looking so deeply confused.

"More concerned about the trauma he tacked onto there, but y'know, to each their own." Klaus immediately cuts in.

"You think I'm well-adjusted?" Vanya asks, looking oddly touched.

"I would like to direct your attention to Diego's leather pants-scowl combo and Luther's general aura of daddy-issues." Five says pointedly, "I can practically smell the tragic comic book backstory in this room. If I'd jumped back a decade earlier this would have been Batman's wet dream of orphan selection."

"Alright! Game plan!" Five says, waving Diego's knife in his hand.

Diego's hands immediately go to his weird harness looking thing, "Hey!"

"Give me just one moment to get the tracker out." Five rolls his eyes, "Then I'll give it back, I promise. Also if someone could ask Grace for like, some antibiotics that would be good."

"What?" Allison asks, directly before Five stabs himself and there is suddenly panic at the table.

"Relax!" Five says, allowing Diego to remove the knife from his hands. He doesn't need it anyway and his hand immediately drops down to root in the wound.

"Five what the fuck!" Diego yells, but Five just pulls up bloody fingers and waves the tracker into Diego's stupefied face.

"What the fuck is that, Five?" Allison demands, looking very shaken.

"I literally just said it was a tracker." Five points out, "Now, I think our first team activity should be voting on whether we destroy it or take it out to bumfuck nowhere and ditch it to confuse the Commission."

"What the fuck is the Commission?" Diego barks.

"Man. Maybe I should just hit up Rick." Five muses, "This is going to take so much explaining."

"Who is Rick."

"So much explaining."