#it's not even that i think i necessarily answered the questions THAT badly (though i flubbed one) but my delivery is always so awkward

[katya-goncharov]

why am i always so awkward and bumbly in job interviews

[jamespotterismydaddy]

Lord Husband (Chapter 11)

cregan stark x reader

A/N: the amount of time it took me to release a new chapter is criminal. So sorry yall 😭

WORD COUNT: 1,292 words

masterlist

You find yourself watching him sometimes. You don’t mean to and you never did in the first few weeks of your marriage but recently, you’ve found it difficult to keep your eyes away. He trains in the morning, before he settles into his Lord’s duties and though you’re more of a late sleeper, you woke early to observe him.

He moves less with grace and more with brutish strength, but that hardly means that he’s any less of an adept swordsman; he’s skillful with every swing. It’s different to the way your brothers fight. His style is more distinctly… northern.

You don’t wince for the man he knocks to the ground, Ser Robert does a little as he stands dutifully behind you. You don’t necessarily care for brutish swordplay but you understand the importance of the fact that your husband is as feared as he is loved. The beginning of an inkling arises that perhaps it was the cleverest match your mother could have made. You don’t need his protection by any means (you ride a massive fucking dragon) but you find comfort in the fact that only a fool would even consider attempting to attack Winterfell and the man you call husband.

“Could you best Lord Stark in a battle?” You don’t look at Robert but he knows the question is for him.

“I don’t believe many men could, princess.”

“Perhaps I need a new sworn protector then.” You say playfully.

“I think you already have the best protector.” He says but there are no traces of cockiness in his voice.

“You think highly of yourself, Ser.” You reply with a chuckle.

“I did not mean myself.” His gaze is on Cregan, just as yours was only moments ago.

You perhaps wish to scold him for the remark but you know he didn’t actually say anything out of line. It was a complimentary comment, even if he knew it would irk you. You spend a moment thinking of just how irritating the man is when Cregan’s eyes look up from his sparring and catch yours.

Fuck.

“(y/n)!” He calls out to you with a smile, finding it hard not to be excited by your presence. Were you out here just to watch him?

“Cregan.” You greet in return, finally appreciating his many requests to call him by his name.

“What brings you here at such an early hour?” He asks but it's clear by the look on his face that he knows the answer. Though, you had a plan for this.

“I’m going for a ride. Sȳndror grows restless.” He takes you in now. You are fully dressed in riding leathers.

“So early? The air has a bite in it in the morning.” He tests, wanting so badly to be proven right about his thoughts that you’re here for him.

“Like I said, my dragon is restless.”

“I did not think an unchained beast with all the freedom in the land could be… restless.”

You quirk a brow at his almost teasing manner. “He wouldn’t stray far from me. He doesn’t trust the North.”

“Ah, I see.” Disappointment.

“Would you like to meet him, my lord?” You use the honourific as you speak to him now, his name having left a… taste on your tongue.

“Meet… your dragon? The one they call the Hellion?” He looks a little nervous now. You tend to like making men slightly fearful.

“Yes of course.” You give him a sweet smile, one that hides just a touch of menace. “My Hellion.”

“Is he um good with strangers?”

“Sometimes.” You say, giving him a curious look, head cocked just slightly to the side.

“And this would please you?” He asks delicately.

He would do this just because it pleased you?

“Greatly so.” He straightens up and stands taller now, mustering all the courage that he can.

“Then I would be honoured to meet your mount.”

What a fun delight this is then. You think to yourself as you call for your horses so the both of you can ride to where you believe you saw Sȳndror resting.

You can sense the nerves rising in the man who’s just behind you on his own steed as you get closer and closer to the dragon.

The poor fool.

When you finally stop to tie the horses, the bravery that he had just managed to scrape together is now pooled in his gut and gnawing at his insides.

“Don’t run from him.” You say as you dismount. “He’ll think you’re prey.”

When you look back at Cregan, he’s practically shaking in his boots, face drained of colour as his eyes gaze across the beast that lies in front of you. The winged monster is massive, nearly as big as Caraxes, which is a great feat for a creature so young.

You take pity on your poor husband and hold your hand out for him to take. “He won’t hurt you if he thinks the flames would even slightly graze me, so just stay close.”

He grasps your hand, trying hard not to squeeze more tightly than comfortable. You lead him up the hill slowly, giving Sȳndror time to take the new guest in. His blackened eyes show curiosity at the man you bring him. He sniffs the air, the blood of the boy smells nothing like yours; this is the first non-relative you’ve presented to him. Should he eat the human?

“Lykiri, Sȳndror. Se vala iksis iā raqiros.” Be calm, Sȳndror. The man is a friend.

Not dinner then.

You walk closer to the dragon with Cregan very slowly and then take his hand to lift it up until its pressed against Sȳndror’s shoulder. You can feel the animal's heavy breaths through Cregan’s palm. Each one is almost enough to throw you off balance. Sȳndror looks back at the two of you, deciding if he’s alright with the puny human laying hands on him.

“I never thought…” Lord Stark starts, “I never could have imagined that I could touch a dragon and live to tell the tale.”

“You might not.” You muse wistfully and he looks at you with an alarmed expression. “A jest.” You say with a teasing smile.

Cregan swallows the lump in his throat. “Mhm.”

“It feels powerful, doesn’t it?”

“It feels unnatural.” He says in a breath.

Unnatural?

“Like I don’t have the right to touch him while you… you command him.”

“Command is the wrong word.” You state. “Dragons aren’t horses. They won’t submit to being possessed.” You know you’re saying too much. Your family gains an illustrious reputation from the illusion. It’s not for you to bring down the veil. “But my blood binds him to me. Targaryens claimed that power.”

“And you chose to share that with me.” He states.

“I have demonstrated that to you.” You correct him with a less personal verb.

“I am grateful nonetheless.” He replies, knowing that if he gets too comfortable with his words, you’ll close off to him.

“Hmm… you’re welcome.” You at least give him that much. “I will take to the skies now.” The words are terribly abrupt. “You should go; the air channeled through his wings is enough to knock a grown man off his feet.”

“Of course.” Cregan gives you a nod. “Perhaps you might dine with me tonight?” He asks and the question takes you off guard slightly.

“Perhaps.”

He takes your unsure answer as the win that it is and gives you one of his silly grins before he walks back to his horse. As you climb onto Sȳndror, you feel that strange feeling in your stomach, the one you get when your dragon dives so fast that you’re practically free falling. You just can’t figure out why.

Comment to be added to the taglist

[domjaehyun]

the boy is mine (l.dh) teaser #3

teaser word count: 1.7k, no warnings needed (besides infidelity)

est. release date: end of july! total wc so far is 96.7k, and due to the size it will require multiple parts, so i suggest you join the tag list by sending me an ask!

You have a relatively clear vision for how you want your apartment to look, and you don’t necessarily need anyone’s help making your vision come to life. That’s precisely why you freeze when Haechan’s presence appears from beside you as he observes your handiwork.

“What are you doing, Haechan?” Your words are questioning, but your voice is flat and unamused as he picks up a set of cobweb fluff and starts detangling it.

He grins at you, a twinkle of mischief in his eyes. “Getting myself an invite to your Halloween party by helping out.”

Turning your nose up, you sniff in disdain and turn back around to affix the next letters in your “Trick or Treat” sign. “Who says I’m inviting you?”

“We’re friends?” He says it like you’re stupid, and you narrow your eyes even though he can’t see you. 

“Your girlfriend is my friend.” you point out all without turning around. “Remember her?”

He scoffs. “Do you?”

You look back at him indignantly, setting down your letters and turning to face him fully. In the limited space between you two, Haechan leans forward with a little challenging glint in his eye. “What kind of dumbass question is that? I brought her up!”

He steps closer, placing his hands on either side of your frame, a devilishly handsome smirk curling his lips. “But you’re still here.”

“This is my home… that I’m decorating for my party… why would I leave?”

“You know damn well what I mean.”

He’s got you there. You roll your eyes in the hope of masking your defeat. “So?” you huff.

“A good friend would have left me over here by now.” He lifts his eyebrows as if to drive his point home. 

You’re lost for words, opening and closing your mouth to voice a rebuttal that never comes. His eyes glint with mischief and victory, but you can’t find it in you to be annoyed with him. 

“Well,” you sniff, turning your nose up, “a good boyfriend wouldn’t be over here to begin with.”

He chuckles, his head tipping back as his shoulders shake with amusement. Nodding slowly, he leans closer to you as if he isn’t already entirely invading your personal space. “Touché,” he murmurs with a grin, and his plain, bold, unapologetic admission of guilt takes you by surprise as well as intrigues you. 

“Well, we’re both bad,” you reply carefully, nibbling at your bottom lip absentmindedly. 

(You do not miss the way his gaze drops to your mouth and lingers there with an almost palpable longing. Hopefully, he misses the way you almost do the same.)

“Yeah,” he mumbles in agreement, and you truly don’t think you’ve ever seen someone want to kiss you as badly as he does. He’s looking at you like it’s all he’s ever thought about—looking at you like one kiss could save his life, like your lips have the answer to a question he’s always wondered, and the slow creeping in of the realization has your body warming with desire. 

“What now?” you ask, voice husky with want, and he blinks, gaze flicking up to your eyes and from the way his stare intensifies, you know you’ve been found out. 

“We can at least be bad together,” he supplies unhelpfully, a devious little grin curling his lips as he leans closer to you. 

In the distance, someone laughs loudly—you’re willing to bet it’s Mark—and the realization of your surroundings and just how dangerous this is has you pressing a hand to his chest and pushing him back gently. 

He doesn’t move at first, and you watch as the slight pressure of your manicured nails into his chest sends his eyes rolling back into his head. When he refocuses on you, his eyes are heavy-lidded with intensity and you swallow thickly. 

“You’re flirting.” you warn him, barely able to conceal your growing amusement. 

He grins at the sight of you trying to hide your smile and the tension eases, so you use the opportunity to push more firmly and separate the two of you. You turn back around to put up the last two letters of your sign, only for his sudden presence right by your ear to send you jolting. He whispers his message so quickly and quietly you could have almost missed it, but the words linger in your mind, echoing off the walls until it’s all you can think about. 

“You’re letting me.”

As you continue to decorate your apartment, Haechan comes around far more often than you think necessary—either calling himself “assisting” in small ways with lingering touches—

(“Haechan, you’re not slick,” you huff as he brushes up behind you for far too long, allegedly helping you hang a cobweb, “you’re pressing up against me.”

Instead of moving back, his lips find your ear and he murmurs, audibly grinning, “I won’t tell if you don’t.”

“If you don’t get—” you scoff, turning to swat at him, but he dances away smoothly, wiggling his eyebrows playfully.)

—or making flirtatious remarks—

(“Hey, do you have gum?” Haechan asks seemingly out of the blue, and you set your decorations down before heading to your cupboard and offering him two cubes of gum from your little stash. “Thanks,” he grins as he pops the gum into his mouth and chews.

“Gum’s gonna ruin your appetite,” you warn him. “The food’s almost here.”

“I don’t want it for long,” he assures you, and you raise your eyebrows as if to say, “Is that so?”

“So you plan on wasting my gum?” you ask with playfully narrowed eyes, and he shakes his head, coming closer and closer to you until he’s got you cornered against the counter. 

“Never that,” he promises. “Just wanted an idea of what it’d taste like to kiss you.”

You gasp, successfully making contact with his chest when you swipe at him this time, pushing him back so he’s resting against your kitchen island about three feet from you. “Haechan!”

“Would you rather I do this, or should I just come a little closer and find out for myself?” he asks with his eyebrows raised, and you balk, swallowing thickly.

“Stay back and chew.” you quip, and he grins, making a loud, obnoxious show of chewing his gum.

“Tastes good,” he compliments, and you roll your eyes. “Really good.”

“Get out before I launch something at you,” you threaten, but both sets of ears can hear the emptiness behind it.

Haechan has the nerve to giggle mischievously before obliging and exiting the kitchen, leaving you to sigh loudly and attempt to calm the heat rising to your cheeks.) 

—or just being an overall flirt.

(“So, what are you gonna be for your Halloween party?” he asks as you bustle around your kitchen tidying up the leftover decoration equipment you’ve left out.

“Haechan, all our friends—and your girlfriend—are in the next room.”

“And?”

“And,” you continue, glowering at him, “you should be in there, too.”

“But you’re in here.” he points out.

“I’m busy.” you explain, and he shrugs.

“Well, then I’m busy, too.” he echoes.

You blink at him. “Doing what?”

“Entertaining you? Keeping you company?” he answers slowly, like you’re dumb, and you can’t help but narrow your eyes.

“I’m not entertained.” you deadpan, and he snorts.

“Then why do you keep looking over here?” He raises an eyebrow challengingly, and you huff.

“You’re distracting me,” you complain, and he frowns, picking up a forkful of food and offering it to you.

“I’m nourishing you,” he insists, offering the food more insistently.

“I have my own food,” you brush him off, and he rolls his eyes.

“Mine is different. And possibly even better.” he sing-songs. “Now try.”

“Haechan—”

“I’m about to spill rice and sauce all over your neat and tidy floor if you don’t put this fork in your mouth in the next three seconds.” he warns, and you growl in mild irritation before leaning forward and wrapping your lips around his fork. “Isn’t that good?” he asks eagerly, fully aware of the answer, and you can’t help but nod in agreement, the flavors of the chicken, rice, and white sauce dancing on your tongue as you chew and swallow. 

“You have a hard time taking no for an answer.” you point out dryly, staring at him blankly. “Does this crop up in other aspects of your life?”

He bursts out laughing. “I definitely have a hard time taking no, but only if the person saying no clearly means yes.”

You scoff incredulously and cross your arms, leaning against the counter as you regard him.

“And how, pray tell, would you know if they mean yes, all-knowing Reader of Minds?”

He steps closer and slowly places his hands on either side of you, meeting your gaze with a soft intensity that you find more unnerving than the more lust-filled gazes he’s sent your way.

“It’s in their body language. For example: you always say you want me to step back and get out of your space, but you let me get into your space virtually every time.” His voice lowers to a soft murmur, and you suddenly can’t meet his gaze. “It’s the way you still haven’t moved either one of us despite me bringing to your attention how close we are.” he observes. “It’s also,” he says, tilting your head up by the chin so you’re looking at each other, “in the eyes.”

Your mouth feels dry. “The eyes?”

He nods, gently brushing a piece of hair from your face and stroking your cheek gently before lowering his hand. “Like the way you look at my lips after I look at yours.”

Fuck.

“I don’t know what you mean.” you lie, and he chuckles.

“It’s okay, baby. I know exactly what I’m talking about.” he assures you with such a level of confidence that it takes you aback. “Y’know, sometimes, I catch you looking before I’ve even looked.”

“Wh— don’t you have someone else you can entertain, or keep company, or—or nourish?” you complain, throwing your hands up in exasperation.

“You want me to go?” he asks, keen eyes bright and studying your reaction.

“Yes.” you reply immediately, and he, contrary to your expectations, grins. 

“I’ll go, I guess. I suppose I could spare those guys a crumb of attention.” he relents, and you nod eagerly.

“Give ‘em the whole loaf of attention.” you say, and he rolls his eyes with a smile.

“I’m going, I’m going. But by the way,” he says before he leans closer, prompting you to lean back suddenly in alarm, “I know you lied.”

He exits the room just a moment after, a second too late to catch the surprise on your face at his catching you in your bluff.

You groan inwardly and finish tidying up your kitchen to head into the living room, all the while wondering if Haechan was sent by the universe to teach you some sort of divine lesson.)

again, feel free to join my tag list!! i hope you like it when it comes out! :)

[cripplecharacters]

Hello! I know this is a very broad question, but it's one I consistently run into when writing characters with any disability, so hopefully you guys can at least give some tips!

A lot of the time, the stories I write are tragedies, and so many of the major characters end up either being bad people, or making bad decisions. Usually I start with writing why the character is tragic, then creating an outline of things that may have led them to be this way, which include outside influences and internal traits. Sometimes when I continue to flesh out the character, I realize that some traits could be attributed to living with a disability. Though I consider implementing that disability into how I develop the character, I run into the problem that this character could now be interpreted as being a bad person because of their disability.

As much as I want to include disability in my stories, I'm worried about perpetuating stereotypes or creating caricatures where disability = bad. How do I include disability in tragedies while still being respectful, and while keeping it an important part of their character?

Hello!

We've answered asks about writing disabled villains or otherwise "bad" characters in the past, one of which I've linked here. Even if your characters aren't necessarily villains or bad people, a lot of the information there can be applicable here as well.

Writing disabled characters as bad people or people that make bad decisions from time to time is good! Far too often people think that disabled people are always nice little angels who can't do anything wrong, which simply isn't true. Disabled people are still people, we can make bad decisions. This is something I'd personally like to see more in stories, honestly.

That being said, this is a subject that should be handled carefully, especially given the history of tropes such as the Evil Cripple trope [Link] and the Good Prosthetic, Evil Prosthetic trope [Link], which also equates morality to mobility aids.

One thing that is very important is to make sure that your disabled character isn't the only person making these bad decisions or being a bad person. If you have a cast of characters that are all making these bad choices, then it's generally fine. Your disabled character isn't being singled out as a bad person (Though, keep in mind that doing the opposite and writing them as the only morally good person is also harmful).

Another thing to consider is that if you do have your disabled character be an especially bad person, make sure to have another disabled character that is more on the good side of things. Of course, in stories where everyone is making bad decisions or being a bad person, this is a bit more difficult to do.

Something else to consider is which traits you're giving to characters with which disabilities. A lot of disabilities have certain tropes or associations that should generally be avoided, especially if they're the only character with that trait.

For example, if your only character with a missing eye is a super villain, that's a problem. If your only character with dwarfism is always/often angry, that's a problem. If your only character with facial scarring is a bitter/angry person, that's a problem.

The other big thing is to make sure that your disabled character's disability isn't the reason that they're acting badly. The post I linked talks about this a bit but essentially, if your character is only a bad person because of their disability or the circumstances around it, what do you think that's saying to your disabled readers?

Cheers,

~ Mod Icarus

[torialefay]

Be it by astrology, your own opinion, or a mixture of both, how do you think Chris would react if his s/o has his brand or a dupe of his brand of jealousy?

This has been on my mind for days like would he enjoy knowing that his s/o craves his attention (bc i doubt he wouldn't pick up on how they feel) or would he find it lowkey annoying and/or frustrating thinking that they don't trust him(they probably do, but the brain do be insecure like that sometimes)? Would he purposely try to make them jealous from time to time bc he liked their reaction? Would he be self-aware of his closeness to others and avoid situations that could worry his s/o? Obviously, there's a limit to the intensity and frequency of how jealous someone can be before anybody would get annoyed, but yknow generally speaking in relatively somewhat reasonable jealousy ensuing situations where he got a bit too close with someone, or he or the other person got a bit too touchy, etc.

Thank ya💖💖

I love this question!!! Before I answer, I want to link some astro-based posts I’ve made on Chan’s jealous tendencies, how he can respond in fights, as well as his overall manifestation of his love (this one is just smut lol read at your own risk, 18+). I think these are some pieces that preface why I have the opinions that I do on this hehe <3

• just point blank, Chris loves knowing that you are jealous over him. It feeds into his scorp venus energy for sure, but tbh it also goes along well with his libra moon and his deep NEED for validation. He absolutely LOVES feeling like he is the most important thing in your life. He will definitely pretend that “it’s okay baby, calm down. There’s no need to be jealous,” but he secretly EATS THAT SHIT UPPPP. He craves it. It makes him feel like he’s finally found someone that will obsess over him the same way he could possess you.

• He definitely has a sort of power kink as well. I want to say it isn’t CRAZY, but I do think he has these almost manipulative tendencies without even realizing it? I think he would definitely do subtle things SOMETIMES (not often) to maybe get a little reaction out of you. He likes seeing you jealous over him & he likes knowing the power he holds over you… to be able to get you more & more crazy over him. Strokes his ego a little bit lol.

• But also in a way, this has a lot to do with the fact that he so badly craves passion in a relationship. And he knows that if he envokes that emotional response out of you, it keeps that burning for him alive. He wants to feel so fucking connected to you that he could read you like a book. And to be honesttttt, he’d probably actually prefer it if you didn’t outright tell him you were jealous, but rather that you tried to hide it and he “picked up on it.” He loves feeling like he can read his partner better than even they can. He likes knowing that even as you are trying to suppress it, he just “knows you too well” and “has that effect on you.” Like if you are silently burning up about something, but don’t say it, he can come over later and tease you about it, but also putting your thoughts to rest.

• BUTTTT one final point! Everything that i’ve said up until this point i think is true IN MODERATION. Overall, he likes someone who is confident and independent. He knows that he’s a flirt (even though he lies about it), and he needs someone who can handle it. So he likes someone that is usuallllly not always jealous, but CAN get like that from time to time. We can’t forget that he has a Sagittarius mars, which does give him a need for independence. If he’s with someone who is constantly jealous or insecure over what he does (and gets super down about it), he would probably get annoyed and burnt out by it. He doesn’t like feeling like he necessarily HAS to coddle people… what he does like is thinking that someone is so “strong” on their own that he WANTS to give into them and care for them. But if he feels like he’s being boxed in by someone who is always worried about him going out and cheating, i think he could get a bit flighty.

[elliedearest]

Do you take requests?! If so.. Imagine being a student of professor snape's (or fellow teacher if you're not comfortable with that) and always being a bit cheeky such as chucking in innuendos during class, leaning in really close to him, cornering him in dark hallways to ask 'educational related questions' and one day when you're both alone you basically end up just jumping each other's bones? Thanks!!

I meant to answer this with a story when I first received this request, but roughly afterward JK showed her true colors and I lost all interest in writing anything for HP.  However, I didn’t want to delete it because you took the time to request this and I felt guilty.

So I thought I would share how I would have handled this request. 

I’d make the reader a fellow teacher and set during the Triwizard Tournament so they’re a foreign teacher. I’d think it’d be hilarious if the reader was from Beauxbatons because, after the dancing display, he might write them off as silly and frivolous and not worth any attention. Though to be fair, he doesn’t like Durmstrang either. 

The reader is friendly and flirts as frequently as they breathe and hardly mean anything by it.  If they can flirt with Dumbledore, they can flirt with anyone. This, of course, doesn’t win them any favors or good opinions from Snape but the reader doesn’t know. He’s not really on the reader’s radar until a random day in October when the reader is having a lovely conversation with some of the Hogwarts staff when they tell the reader about Snape being notoriously hard to make smile or even seduce. The reader is intrigued but doesn’t think much of him until they actually have an encounter with him.

He’s not condescending which would have immediately made him enemy number 1 in the reader’s eyes, but he was slightly rude. There was something amusing about the Potion Professor’s attempt at showing decorum (Because McGonagall will kill him if he ruins relations with the schools when she coordinated most of this with the Ministry) but also showing his disdain. The reader casually throws him a flirty line to see what he would do and they’re amazed at how quickly his face blanks like an unused canvas. 

And then he walks away. 

The little interaction was amusing but the reader moves on with their life because they have students to take care of in a foreign place. They do, however, wink or flutter their fingers at him when they pass each other in the halls but the reader doesn’t approach him again.

The reader, however, is put in a situation where they need a potion done for a class and while they have most of the ingredients and are fairly decent in potions, it requires an advance and steady hand. They go to Snape. As payment, the reader brings a cactus to him(a cactus is great for many medical potions from detox or purifying the air to lowering blood pressure and cholesterol). Snape does it for them and the reader cannot resist flirting with him a bit. Snape gives them a sharp but witty reply that has them laughing.

This moment opens the floodgates for the reader. They decide to actively flirt with Snape. Not necessarily as a challenge but the reader wants to see what kind of response they’ll get the next time. It goes on for weeks. The reactions range from eye rolls, acerbic quips, a blank stare, a glare, etc. etc.  During this time, they do end up hanging with each other more and more first out of necessity (there’s a lot of potions needed for what the reader does and the carriage is not the best place to do them in so the reader uses the potion room) and then out of a tentative comradeship.

The student body and the professors quickly become aware of the crazy wixen that is flirting with the Potions Professor. The Weasley twins have monetized on the situation and are making a lot of money from students guessing how this would end. Some think Snape would hex them when he got tired of the Beauxbatons professor, most think he will humiliate them so badly that the professor will head back to France.

No one thinks Snape will flirt back. Except one. 

People were expecting something to happen at the Yule ball, but the two professors didn’t interact at all. Snape spent his time prowling the courtyards, ruining make-out sessions. While the reader was stuck in their room, finally succumbed to sickness because of the harsh Scotland conditions.

He visits them later, once all the children are in bed, with potions to help alleviate their symptoms. The reader is grateful. He’s slightly uncomfortable with the gratitude and tries to leave quickly. The reader stops him asking if he would stay for a bit. They hadn’t seen anyone in two days and they were growing bored of sleeping all day. Snape begrudgingly stays.

The reader asks what he had done at the Yule ball and laughs when Snape informs them about being forced to dance with Trelawney. He accidentally mentions the students he caught messing around and prepares himself to be flirted with, but the reader doesn’t take it. Instead, the reader asks if he was using the cactus they gave him. Snape is surprised but tells them about the potions he’s working on and the thief he has this year who keeps stealing his potion ingredients. The reader tells him they’ll keep an eye out. 

The reader decides to stop flirting with the guy after they hear a conversation between Snape and Dumbledore. The reader never wanted to make him uncomfortable now that they consider him a friend. So, they stop. They’re still friendly and still hang out with him in his potions room, but no more romantic undertones. 

Snape is completely thrown off by this and sends him into a spiral that he doesn’t understand. He should be happy but he’s not. It goes on for weeks and he’s starting to miss it. 

They’re in the staff room. The reader is grading papers while Snape is trying and failing to read his book. Snape approaches them and asks if they want to play chess with him when they’re done. The reader immediately agrees, wanting to take a break from grading, and joins him on the other side of the room. He attempts to flirt with them midway through the game. 

At first, the reader doesn’t register what’s going on, but then he does it again with this look in his eyes, and then, the reader understands. They’re completely floored. And flustered. Snape is smug by this. Doubly so when he also wins the game. 

Snape decides to turn the tables on the reader and finds it intoxicating and fun how flustered the reader gets. He ends up kissing them in his storage closet when they suggest a dark and barely legal spell to track whoever has been stealing from his closet. 

“If I’d known it only took listing dark spells to you to get this kind of reaction, I would have done it so much sooner,” the reader said breathlessly, before pulling him into another kiss. 

And they live happily ever after!

Until the Dark Lord rises.

(As for the bet, all the students and staff that took part lost, except for Dumbledore. He bet that Snape would return the flirtation.)

[horse-girl-anthy]

could Anthy have walked out of Ohtori from episode one?

essay under the cut.

my basic answer to this question is no, but there's a lot of complexity behind that no.

when Utena first encounters Anthy, she immediately thinks there's something wrong with her and tries to talk her out of the whole "Rose Bride" business. while Utena makes several crucial mistakes during this early stage of their relationship, her instinct isn't necessarily wrong. if you met someone who said their inherent position in life was to be a slave to the will of others, wouldn't you have some concerns?

by episode 23, Utena has begun to understand Anthy better, to feel the magnitude of her plight.

such moments have long since led me to the conclusion that Anthy couldn't leave Ohtori until the final episode. however, that doesn't mean that I knew what "not being able to leave" truly implied. here's the thoughts I've come up with.

in life, we all have times when we know what we should do to improve our circumstances, but we find that we simply cannot do it. the barrier to "not being able to do something" is not physical, not easily explainable. I'll give an example from my life. I spent a couple years as an alcoholic. obviously, there was a very simple solution to this problem: stop drinking. but I just couldn't do it. my life was pretty bad at the time, but I've gotten through other bad times without guzzling alcohol. during the course of my addiction, it looked like I wasn't making any progress. then one day I just stopped. people say you're an alcoholic for life, but I don't believe that. I know I'm done; it's over.

I've started to take Anthy's character as, in part, a grand metaphor for being in such a position. a simple action, one that you're physically capable of, would solve everything. but you can't do it. until one day you can.

that's not the whole answer to the Anthy question, of course. the show has a system, a social landscape, which has to be taken into account. there's the swords of hate, there's Akio. Anthy is truly oppressed, and so, even though she eventually reveals that she's capable of walking out, to give such an explanation is facile. I gave an example of a situation where I knew what I needed to do to get my life together; for Anthy, it's more of a case where she cannot even believe that her life could change. either leaving Ohtori doesn't occur to her, or she thinks it's impossible.

taking a more thematic approach, Anthy is a representation of the suppression of women. she's in an impossible situation; she constantly denies her own agency; she has been so badly hurt that she is afraid to be herself in any capacity. so the question of "could Anthy just have left Ohtori from the start?" could be rephrased as "can women just shake off their socialization?" Utena, who attempts to do just that, can't escape from it in the end either.

but the reason RGU is such a beloved story is because it is about liberation from gendered socialization, as well as other mental prisons. with this in mind, I think Anthy not being able to leave at the start was necessary for the narrative. it can't be easy for her to leave, or there's no story, and it won't feel real.

the process of liberation isn't easy either, or necessarily explicable. the show centers on the dueling game, a system which treats Anthy as an object, which encourages conflict and possession. the characters always seem to fail at their objectives. they never resolve their complexes--they only spend them out. Utena wins and wins, and although she is loving, she is not prying Anthy out of her coffin. Ikuhara once described the final arc as being full of stories that are wrong. there doesn't appear to be any light at the end of the tunnel.

right when you think Utena and Anthy have achieved solidarity, that they both want the same thing, Anthy reveals another of her faces, stabbing Utena in the back and acquiescing to her fate yet again. it's only then, after every single option has been eliminated, that the revolution can occur. strangely, the power of the final episode comes from the "empty movement" of the previous 38. all along, it looked like no progress was being made. Miki and Kozue break apart almost as soon as they've reached an understanding. Touga challenges Utena to another duel, despite knowing that that's what Akio wants. Nanami won't let go of the spotlight she so craves. Juri can do nothing but surrender. and yet.. and yet.

a lot of fans view Ohtori as a bad place, an evil place. certainly, evil happens there. Akio is at the helm, an embodiment of the sick childishness of an adult who refuses to grow up. but I don't know if Ohtori is evil. it provides the setting for the process of liberation to occur. staying there is the problem. but perhaps for Anthy, and for the other characters, Ohtori served as the shell--a thing of protection--which allowed them to reach adulthood and emerge into the world. the dueling game was all a grand play which gave them an outlet for their issues, a testing ground to be left behind when they were ready. through failure, they found out that what they really wanted was something beyond their imagination. they struggled and fought with one another, only to find out that underneath at all, there was love, unlooked for, rising from shared alienation.

let's put it one more way: Anthy could not leave Ohtori from the start, because she was still a child, no matter how jaded she was. she hid her child-self away long ago and then forgot it was there. when that child woke up, she found that she had a friend who wanted to go out into the real world with her. that was all she needed to become an adult, and so, at last, she left Ohtori for good, a whole person. in the words of Ikuhara:

The prince chose to sleep on, and the princess chose to wake up. At the top of that tall tower, the princess bid farewell to the prince. No - she wasn’t the princess any longer. She quit being “a person (thing) ruled by someone.” The victory bells rang, but there was no “tower (rule)” beyond them now. She’d learned where freedom lay. She crossed the threshold of that “Door of Revolution” which had always been closed for her before, and began walking. The “girls’ revolution” lay in the girl’s future.

[actuallyevilgay]

The Apathy (Part 4)

Astarion x Male Reader/Tav

DNI if you are a minor. Dead dove don’t eat. Please read my about before replying. Content: Astarion x Male tav, this is post epilogue.

Summary: Astarion learns the details about Tav's encounter with the guards. Tav continues to work at Jilvy's tavern, trying really hard. Reminders: Astarion is the vampire ascendant, Tav is not a heroic figure. Contains headcanons for several characters, contains headcanons for illithid brain alteration but not evolving. Tav uses daggers and magic. Astarion is an Arcane Trickster Rogue. I created several npcs. Some Neverwinter lore is mentioned but might not be lore friendly. Content Warnings: Tav suffering from depression / ptsd, self-neglect. A/N: Read part 3 here. Current Part may be a bit shorter? Idk, been busy. If this updates slow, blame the holidays. If it updates often, it's because I have nothing else to do haha.

.......

‘’Three warm drinks, for our guests.’’ The watchshield guardswoman who previously announced a crime in the city square was now leading Astarion and his Bodyguards through a very prestigious looking building.

‘’He is on bedrest currently, unfortunately you’ll have to wait until he wakes.’’ She bowed her head to the disguised vampires, trusting that they were a band of adventurers eager to put their feet in the criminal case.

Astarion looked to Vand and Ty, who stood their ground for a moment as he sat down on a couch. Vand, who was the quiet one.. Remaining put. He stretched his legs and cracked his shoulders before resting his hands on his hips. Ty on the other hand was eager to keep up his excited Adventurer persona, plopping down on the couch next to Astarion Childishly.

‘’A warm drink sounds great, don’t you think so, boss?’’ He turned to Astarion who grinned. ‘’I Can’t wait, my body is aching for some precious warmth.’’ He wasn’t lying, he was speaking a simple truth. As their bodies did not produce warmth, the winter could be a little too distasteful for vampires, even the vampire ascendant himself.

There are several ways for vampires to gain some body warmth.. Linger around a heartfire, fight, travel around magma.. Friction through physical contact.. Or drinking blood from a living being. Whether it was thinking or unthinking. A warm beer or a hot drink could do the trick too, or sunlight immunity during the spring and summer.

‘’What’s a walking corpse to do in the winter?’’ Astarion jokes as they received their drinks. ‘’Dunno, freeze to death even more?’’ Ty joked back. There’s an awkward chuckle among the guards, even though they didn’t catch on that their guests were vampires. It was much more likely that it reminded them of the time neverwinter was partially overrun by undead. Something with a necromancer and curse.

The rivers around this place supposedly never froze, so long as the water was connected to the volcano in the distance. Natural hot springs existed nearby. Neverwinter did not mean neversnow necessarily. What’s a winter without snow if not a secondary fall?

Once the hot liquid got through his throat, Astarion cleared his breath when the guardswoman returned. ‘’He’s awake enough to answer your questions, though I doubt he’d say anything new.’’ The woman looked unsure, yet for the vampire lord nothing was certain. Any tidbit of clue towards Tav’s whereabouts was worth wringing out of these folks. To him, they were simply just walking vermin with heartbeats. He, a predator. And If the world feels threatened by your existence, who do you really trust? Certainly any adventurer eager to come through the door.. Or Blades for hire. What a simple world, ripe for the taking.

And as he had for quite a while now, through doors he walked with ease.

The guardsman didn’t seem as badly injured as the rest of the guards described him to be. Bandages covered the area of his stab wound, there were bruises… The most exceptional and noteworthy thing about his state was the bandage wrapped around his head. A concussion? Hmm. Hopefully this conversation would not be a headache.

Vand and Ty made their move to position themselves near the door of the infirmary room. Trying to seem less suspicious, Ty pretended to distract Vand with a blade trick.

‘’Don’t mind my friends, I’ve come here to ask about your attacker. There’s some things I need to know to track him down easier.’’ Astarion remained focussed.

The guardsman nodded. ‘’Forgive me, I may speak.. Slowly. He dropped a roof on my head.’’

‘’A roof you say?’’

‘’Yes, I was simply.. Renting a room. He broke in- and- …lunged at me with a hideous dagger!’’

‘’How did he drop a roof on you?’’

‘’How? I don’t.. Uh- There was a flash. Purple.. Pink? Light. Before I knew it he was gone as I was.. bleeding out under the rubble..’’

The guardsman proceeds to cough up some blood. ‘’Did a number on me.. Bastard.’’

The feeling this guard was giving him felt ominous, it was becoming more and more difficult to keep the friendly facade. ‘’Are you being fully honest with me?’’ Astarion’s disguised eyes looked at him with more intensity every second.

‘’Yes.’’

Astarion leaned forward, his voice became malicious. ‘’You don’t understand. You need to speak the truth. Tell me your real thoughts.’’ A charm spell flowed out through the spoken words, and before the guard could notice, it started taking effect.

‘’Some homeless trash.. Thought he looked like easy pickings- A monster. Blasted through the roof after- Ugh..’’

‘’After what?’’

‘’After I..’’ As the guard spoke in detail of what he attempted that night, Astarion’s cold blood boiled in fury. He was about to choke him.. Then- rationale calmed him down. He came here for information, so Killing had to wait. Just for a little bit.

‘’Describe him.’’

The guard’s description that followed was vague, it almost did not sound like Tav, until the following words fell from this pig’s lips. ‘’He looked dull, almost like a doll.’’ Once more the memory of Tav’s departure crawled back into Astarion’s head. He was about to crack. Oh no, no.. He was going to cave this pig’s skull in.

‘’Where did you store his weapon?’’ 

‘’It’s in the evidence collection chest, head guard’s quarters. Keeps discarded trinkets.. Like trophies.’’ With that answer given, Astarion gave a nod to his spawn. Ty immediately put on a joyful smirk, ‘’Enjoy your time, Master.’’ before going out the door and casting an invisibility spell on himself.

The charm spell put on the guard started to slowly wane, making the guard come to his senses. ‘’What the.. What are you- I did nothing wrong! What did you do to me?’’ Once more, he began throwing a coughing fit.

Astarion giggled, then chuckled, then laughed at the man. ‘’Oh, oh, oh. No.. No this won’t do.’’ His disguise self spell began to drop while he cracked his knuckles. He did some hand stretches to loosen up the building tension in his wrists.

‘’I’ve made a vow to punish every moron who dares to put their hands on the very few little things I genuinely care about.’’  A deep breath.. He put a foot on the bedrest.

‘’And,’’ With the click of his fingers, a knife of ice formed in his hand. ‘’I’ve not done anything to you yet.’’ He pointed it towards the man’s crotch.

The guard winced in response, realising what was about to happen to him. ‘’Hmm.. I can’t play with you here though.. Pity.’’ Astarion clicked his teeth, erasing the ice knife. ‘’What to do.. What to do..’’

A pause.

‘’How quickly do they bury their dead in neverwinter? You might make a fine freezing corpse..’’

……

Did you think that was a nice, cozy little niche tavern? Well. It did have a rush hour. Jilvy wasn’t joking around when she put out a sign bringing her book club back. It invited customers to buy and read a specific book from a store next door, discussing its chapters openly in the tavern.

Customers still had to pay for their drinks and snacks, but for book club days especially, the amount of snacks and drinks required would pile up.. Not just that- Book club days had special menu items that would only be brought out to customers visiting that day.

You were sure you’re sweaty, even if the heat was not unwelcome. Despite Jilvy’s best efforts, you were prone to getting cold easily. Bad circulation and neglect does that to a body.

‘’Tav, Tav-’’ Jilvy tried to get your attention as you were rushing to get through the dishes.

‘’Tav- Please take a break. Thank you, but you really should lie down.’’ Her concerned voice hovered over you, putting the rapid wiping of plates to a halt. She climbed onto the counter so she could touch your forehead and take your temperature. 

‘’You really should lie down in your bed, dear.’’

‘’Are you sure..? It’s a busy night.. I can handle myself.’’ A partial lie. You could certainly continue on, but handling yourself like that was going to end with a fainting spell sooner or later. While you finally could eat the correct amount of food to sustain yourself, your body wasn’t used to it anymore, leaving you with limited energy and bad constitution.

In truth, you wanted to keep working to keep your mind off the visions. Sleeping was something you could not do peacefully, at all.

Every Time you went to bed, it was a risk. You’d rather hide under the covers than sleep under them. 

‘’Yes! If you’re ill, that is not good for business.’’

‘’It’s just a cold.. Let me clean a few more plates at least.’’ Your response was met with Jilvy’s motherly glare. When she looked like this, all you could think of was ‘’No but’s, and that’s that.’’ Because she never actually said the words. You just knew what it meant.

In defeat, you put the sponge and towels down, hanging your head. 

‘’It’s not going to make me feel better.’’ You mumbled, moving past her.

You could swear Jilvy’s eyes burned into your back, but not with anger, only heartfelt worry.

A part of you felt a loathing for it, being pitied? Or being cared for?

No.. It was more like guilt. The stares of the tavern clients were more exhausting than Jilvy’s mothering banter ever would be. Jilvy cared about you, she definitely did. The customers might view you differently. You were just a face behind the counter, never striking conversations unless talked to. You were Jilvy’s little project to them. Something to whisper about.

When Gale, the wizard that came here a few days ago.. Started frequenting, you wondered why. He took a lot of time in preparing these insane presentations for the book club, making himself popular and driving more customers to return for the hours.

How long do Wizard holidays last? He certainly enjoyed his vacation. The troublesome encounter from his first arrival never made another appearance.

Gale never talked to you, he just glanced with a strange familiar expression whenever you handed him his drinks and snacks. There were times he wanted to try and make conversation, only to withhold whatever he was going to say to you.

Maybe he just thought you were attractive? Perhaps the friend he was trying to find liked book clubs, and staying here would have them wind up sooner or later.

As you head to the backroom and walk up the stairs towards the living area, you hear faint shuffling coming from a storage closet. A rat? 

On tippy toes, you quietly walk over to open the closet. Nothing ordinary with it- yet a whisk of wind went past you, blurring your vision briefly.

‘’What the-’’ You could’ve sworn you heard footsteps just now..  No, it had to be the snow outside. The loud hail clattering against the window summoned all sorts of paranoia the night before. Like visions of blades clattering against each other, or a mere bristling of unsettling winds. A shiver ran down your spine as a result.

Your strength definitely did not last today either, Jilvy was right as she always was.. The faint feeling of an upcoming headache overtook you. The building around you trembled from a quake only you were experiencing.

Weakly, you manage to make it over to your bed, eyeing the wardrobe in front of it, which was half open.

Certainly you tidied it up earlier? The wind must’ve crept in through the walls somehow. You always close the doors behind you. You can’t stand it otherwise.

As sleep forces its way through your heavy body, another shiver runs down your spine.

If the paranoia from the visions you experienced hadn’t troubled you many nights before, you’d be sure someone was watching you right now.

[fooltofancy]

Pre-Dawntrail WoL questions for Mr Ilya 👁 1, 17, and 20!

1. how is your wol about personal hygiene? are they on top of it? always perfumed and spotless, a little messy sometimes, or do they have to be reminded to groom?

cleaner than you'd expect just looking at him, certainly. i wouldn't say he's fastidious, exactly, because he's not neat, but if he's not clean he's uncomfy and he's gonna do the most possible to not be that. so, so unkempt though, like this is a man who can barely be bothered to pull his hair out of his face enough to see, much less do all of his buckles properly.

finds estinien's armor deeply offensive.

17. out of all the scions, which one is the one your wol gets along with best? what about the one they get along with the least? why?

alisaie and y'shtola, respectively.

alisaie is like. he's never known someone who cares in quite the same way she does. when they meet he's still kind of reeling from the scions' willingness to sacrifice - as far as he knows - literally everything for him and it feels just completely out of fucking left field. there are overtures of care, right, but if you'd asked him prior if he felt he could expect that kind solidarity he would have laughed in your face. they're coworkers, boss. but then there's alisaie, whose willingness to give everything from the depths of her heart because she can't fucking help it is just. from go. she means everything to him so, so soon, and nothing's hurt him quite as badly as losing her twice.

they mesh so well i think because while they're both creatures of action their modus operandi (alisaie's idealism vs ilya's pragmatism) like.... temper what can otherwise be very extreme reactions.

y'shtola, on the other hand, do not abide. i don't think they actively dislike each other most of the time, like there's respect? but that's about as good as it gets. they honestly don't have enough to do with each other outside of explicitly drastic scion business, and even then it's like..... ilya is not involved with the scions in the same ways that y'shtola is, and he's not especially social with them that first year either. he's like. he's alphinaud's minorly distressing shadow, for the most part, there to throw his weight around when all other options have been exhausted. so they drift around each other, and that's all. the peak of their relationship is probably the first, not necessarily because it's better, but because it's frankly the most of each other they see.

20. what is your wol's best quality? what's the thing that they do that really gets stuff done or makes people like them?

oof. well.

ilya would not be able to give you an answer, lmao. he's not perceiving him so you should stop also.

most of the scions would probably say his selflessness - man is not capable of putting himself first except in the inherent selfishness of..... refusing the care of other sometimes putting you first.

folk a little closer to him (alisaie and aymeric, probably also thancred) would say it's that he cares when he shouldn't.

[noemitenshi]

I can’t really get my head around what Troy would be like in a relationship, the man loves to push boundaries yet seems to get obsessive about people and want to please them 🤔 what do you think?

Oh what a fun (but also difficult) question to answer haha. As I've written over 500k words of Troy in relationships I've put quite some thought into it and I'm not too sure I can distill all of that. Or, well, I'm sure I'll forget to mention things ^^0 But I'll give it my very best!

The most crucial part I think, about Troy's behavior in a relationship is that it is very much dependent on his partner(s). He will let himself be molded, even if the partner doesn't intend to, you know, do that. Like, if the partner likes to be pushed around (😉) he's gonna do that gleefully. If the partner likes to push him around (all in good fun though. I mean, I think he'd also let himself be pushed around NOT in good fun but let's not go there for our peace of mind), he's gonna fold and be into it. So in a sense he'll always follow his partner's lead (no matter if the partner is more dominant or submissive leaning (and those terms don't necessarily need to describe Dominants and Submissives…)).

Furthermore I do think, once he realizes (or is made to realize - mayhaps by a frantic kiss) he is in love, he'll be all in. I think I said this once before (and I'll probably say it again) but Troy seems like the type to move incredible fast to deepen a relationship. It probably stems from the emotional abuse and neglect he has suffered his whole life - so once someone gives him even a smidgen of that he's gonna be addicted to it. He's not gonna let go of that and do anything to get more of it, frankly. Maybe there's even a time, in the beginning of the romantic relationship, where he is kinda playing pretend. See, he could never be what his parents and his brother wanted him to be (mostly bc his parents were abusive drunks and because his brother doesn't understand him and the black sheep position the family put Troy in, instead reinforces it), so he always felt like he was coming up short, like he didn't have the ability to do things right. And probably doubly so the first time he finds himself in a romantic relationship. So he's gonna act in a way he thinks people act when in such a relationship. Probably ignoring his own boundaries in the process and I really do hope his partner knows him well enough to get that something is wrong and ask him about it otherwise that one could end badly (=turn easily into a toxic relationship).

Now I seem to have written quite a bit about the wants to please people part of your ask haha (you see, I agree, he does want to do that, badly. Needs to, I'd argue, even) but not so much about the pushing people (I have a whole seperate post about that btw, maybe give that a look to, HERE). So, the post in short. With all people he interacts he likes to push boundaries to a) get to know them better, get to know what sets them off (since he's always lived in a VERY unstable environment with both his parents being erratic and abusive due to drunkenness) additionally, this gives him a sense of control (b)) - he controls when they get angry. That's what his pushing is about. I assume that if someone enters a romantic relationship with Troy they already have found a way to handle that part of him. And honestly, I think the best way to handle this is to show him respect. Like, sure, call him out on that, don't let him bullshit you but not meanly (=not like Jake). And even beyond the whole pushing thing, I think if Troy is treated with respect, generally speaking, this antagonistic nature in him receeds. He doesn't feel like he needs to be on guard the whole time so there's no need to set people off haha. Or not as much. Mostly in a teasing way (I think he doesn't ever lose it completely, but it changes its meaning, the pushing boundaries. I think he'll learn AND respect which boundaries are, you know, actual boundaries he shouldnt touch and which ones he can poke a little uh fun at).

So, I think a romantic relationship has the potential to be VERY GOOD for Troy (the same btw is true for a HEALTHY platonic one - which we also didn't see him having thus far. He just needs for someone to take his pain and rage and himself serious and be kind and respectful to him. Don't think ANYONE has ever done that, sadly enough). It has potential to allow him to grow into himself and become more confident in the type of person he is. And it naturally would curb this need for erratic behavior. HOWEVER a romantic relationship could also lead to Troy kinda losing himself in it. He's very emotionally vulnerable as we see in his relationship with Madison in s3 (and also lack of meaningful and reciprocal(!) relationships with anyone else) so it would be relatively easy for him to end up in a toxic relationship.

No matter what, I think Troy is gonna be fiercly loyal, protective and affectionate in such a relationship. Needy, I like to call him too since he's been touch- and attention-starved all his life. So my advice to potential suitors would be HANDLE WITH CARE.

I hope I answered your question to your satisfaction. If there is something I missed or something you'd like me to expand on, just shoot me another ask :) Thanks for the ask and have a great day 🧡

[perplexingluciddreams]

how did you become aware the trauma was trauma especially when not full remember

- 🍋 (may not be able read when first post this topic s blocked tag

This is a really hard question and I am not sure I really know the answer. I will try my best.

I have had a lot of experiences in my life that I think would be generally considered traumatic. Some are specific one-time events, some are very long term situations that I was trapped in. This includes abuse, but that is not the only thing. And aside from the long-term abuse from one specific person, I was also treated badly by a lot of people, even if I interacted with them only once. It is not necessarily about every single person included in that, but the pattern of bad treatment adds up over time and causes harm. I am a very easy person to mistreat or abuse or hurt, I am very vulnerable - and unfortunately lots of people have taken advantage of that over my lifetime.

I would also say that the lack of communication that I had for a lot of my life is something traumatic to experience in itself, and often lead to me being in situations where it was easy for people to cause me harm. I also think that just being so disabled, so unwell, so limited, so isolated, is a traumatic thing too.

All of my memories are scattered and jumbled and in fragments. Out of order. And I can’t recall things “on command”, mostly. It is like water currents. Not linear. If a memory comes to me, it just happens out of my control. I think sometimes there is something to pull up that memory, but because I don’t process things well, I can’t usually know what the “trigger” is. It is hard to even know where there is gaps in my memory, because so jumbled.

When one memory comes, usually my brain gets loud with many memories all making a lot of “noise” in there all at once. Because it is all interlinked somehow. One water current comes up to the surface, and pulls many other undercurrents up with it. This is true for any memory, bad or not. But even if a good/neutral memory comes to the surface, it can quickly pull up very bad memories along with it.

Then my body reaction is of full intense fear. Not any other word to describe. Just like my body thinks I am in Danger. And that is the same feeling of my body that I always had pretty much all day every day for my whole childhood. Constant survival mode. And only way to try cope is constant “disconnect” from everything. Which is the mode I am in most of the time - avoid avoid avoid, distract distract distract. When brain gets loud, I must fight my way back to this “blank” state.

After I manage to calm down, the water currents settle back to underneath. And the top goes mostly flat and calmer again. Less like storm, more like gentle waves and thoughts like rain make ripples. I can place distractions on top of the water like boats or leaves or sticks, which takes attention away from the chaos beneath.

Every time this “storm” happens, I get to hold on to more and more bits and pieces that get left over, stay floating at the surface like driftwood. So over time I can slowly slowly piece together more and more, to better understand the things that happened to me.

It is also complicated due to the fact that I mostly didn’t understand what was happening at the time. (Especially if the memory is from a much younger Ezra). For example, I used to have more access to memories of abuse when I was younger, because I simply didn’t know that it was even bad, at all. When I started understanding that more, my brain blocked it off stronger and stronger so I have less access to those memories now.

I also didn’t understand my own feelings or reactions or what that meant. So, even though I always had horrible awful feelings in my body, like twisty sick-y clenching feelings in my tummy constantly, or always right about to cry, or awful awful headaches… I just thought that is how my body feels. Because it was always like that. I couldn’t make connections that it was worse at certain times or near certain people, I just knew it was bad. But still didn’t connect that with the word “bad”.

My understanding and awareness of all this is improving over time. So I now at least connect these bad body feelings with the bad memories, and link it with the fact that my body always felt that way. I still don’t have words for the emotions, I don’t understand that part yet. And I am aware that the bad memories are there, just buried deep under the surface, blocked away by my brain. And I understand more and more just how bad it was.

Now that I can tell other people tiny fragments of it, they also tell me how awful it is (not to upset me, just to make me aware of the awfulness level). It helps me better understand the scale of it. There is still much that I can’t get out in words, but I work hard on that.

This is the answer I can come up with, I hope it is helpful. And hope I understood the question correctly. The short summary is: my body reactions is the strongest indicator that lets me know that something was traumatic, even when I don’t have full access to memories.

Thank you for this ask, friend. It made me think about this and organise my thoughts into words, which helps me a lot. I hope you have a calm, content, and comfortable day/night. 💜💚

[langernameohnebedeutung]

I'm not trying to start on you, but the only one of the 'creepy guy' characters I'm familiar with is the Big Bang Theory guy, and he's only presented as non-threatening because of the historical emasculation of Jewish men. It's his perceived femininity that allows him to be gross without repercussion, not the privilege of his masculinity. (Once again, I'm not trying to start an argument, sorry if it seems that way)

No, that is probably a fair point that I didn't think of!

As a gentile + with a lot of specific cultural barriers when it comes to portrayals of Jewish people, I will not and I CAN not make a determined statement on this simply bc it's not something I'm very knowledgeable in regards to. (In fact, I only learnt that this was actually a stereotype about Jewish men a few months ago in a post about how parodies of Ben Shapiro often invoke this narrative.) So this is especially hard for me to have an educated opinion or valuable take on bc my memory of watching that show in my teens is very blurry and I never watched it with that stereotype in mind to look out for and analyse the show in regards to.

Though (leaning very far out of the window just from what I remember on the show and my framework for how stereotypes work) it also feels like a bit of a chicken-egg question that I really cannot answer:

Is the character presented that way BECAUSE he's Jewish (a lot of aspects of the way Howard was written, like other running jokes about his mother or his allergies, definitely feel like they're coming from that point: They decided to 1) write a Jewish character AND then 2) wrote a bunch of antisemitic jokes to go with that)

OR was the jumping-off point that they were making a show about a group of male characters who fail to live up to standards of masculinity - and BECAUSE of this historical and cultural portrayal of Jewish men, they felt like it would be funny to make one of them Jewish (and to be clear, I don't think it's necessarily or even just likely just either of these options, they probably both play into different aspects of the development of this character, - and quite frankly, I doubt the jumping-off point was/is a particularly relevant question in comparison to the general impact of doing this in a show that is/was as successful as the big bang theory.)

It is definitely a very different portrayal from the way e.g. How I Met Your Mother portrayed (and excused) the actions of Barney Stinson. Because one of them works, as you say, through emasculation - "if you're not a real man, you're not a real threat to women, so it's funny and we should feel sorry for these guys secretly filming hot women in their own house" (e.g. Penny's Evul boyfriends, the foils to Leonard's Nice Guy, being portrayed as very masculine and actually threatening).

Meanwhile, How I Met Your Mother didn't work that way - Barney Stinson was definitely portrayed as Cool and his predatory behaviours were not just as excused as him being harmless, it was glorified as him having "game" or "flirting strategies" and irl, men actually felt inspired by him and while stuff like the Play Book were partially tongue-in-cheek, the idea was that "it's okay because it works and is funny and the women who fall for it probably have it coming BECAUSE they fall for it and Barney is considered hot and masculine - so women are probably into it." For example, when I graduated, my year literally had a How I Met Your Mother motto and like...half the guys in my year would try to emulate Barney Stinson and quote him and quote the Bro Code or other stuff from the show and misogynistic stuff he said. And while people also loved to quote Sheldon back then, it came from a different place and not so much one of admiration.

Though, I feel compelled to point out that on the "how does this portrayal treat women" bottom line, we always end up at "it's okay to treat women badly to get what you want"

Also, an extra note for context, I would also point towards the '90s and the 2000s generally having a very different attitude regarding what media at the time considered funny and what was considered predatory - they were at a very specific point in tv and movie history in terms of a) what they could portray and talk about and b) the public conversations at the time on matters like consent and dating and sex.

Like, at this point we can almost speak from the "historical context" because mindset changed so much since then - you see this on a lot of shows, e.g. if you follow me, I'm rewatching House right now and it's very prominent there and while I never watched Friends, I know there is a lot of discourse happening there and I remember watching Buffy being genuinely surprised when in one episodes, they called out a group of nerds (!) for being insane fucking predators.

And that's not even just something to do with men and women and gender but just generally, a lot of things that we talk about today and that we make progress talking about in terms of consent and sexual autonomy were really not something that was part of the major discourse - and this was actually why I considered the addition that "women in the 2000s cartoons (!) acted creepy in a way men couldn't so it's all a different-sides-of-the-same-medal kinda thing!" rather disingenuous:

Because...men in 2000s films and shows definitely got away with acting like fucking creeps - and women too - and that didn't take "privilege of masculinity" or anything, it just took it being the 2000s. (Privilege of masculinity was the insane degree to which characters like Barney Stinson were idolised for this)

[affinitystoryblog]

so these questions were initially an ask but i accidentally published the ask before i was done answering. luckily i had copied what i had written before i deleted the incomplete answer, but here is the answers! i do not remember what the last one was, so unfortunately i can only give u these ones.

--------------

break: What would cause your OC to break down completely? What do they look like when that happens? Has anyone ever seen them at their lowest?

Sinie

SO ACTUALLY there is a major story event that takes place late book 1 that changes sinie's character for a while. book 2 sinie is not going to be the same as book 1 sinie....i cant say what the event is because i think its too much of a spoiler. but sinie fuckin loses it. goes dark. corrupted by her own emotions. itll be the lowest anyone has ever seen sinie. the event, and her actions resulting from how it affects her, will change her forever.

Csilla

this one is a little harder for me to answer, because i havent thought of something like this for csilla like i have for sinie. csilla is...a little stronger than sinie tbh. she can handle darker emotions easier, given that she's been an outcast and lonely most of her life. she isnt sheltered necessarily, just kept on a tight leash. she feels her mother doesn't love her, she adores her father but he's often times too busy to make any actual time for her so he overcompensates by spoiling her in any way he can, and her and her brother have an estranged resentment for each other.

the one that really brings out the best in her is everett. sure, everett is kinda just doing as programmed and trying to woo csilla, but damn does she fall for it. she's a hopeless romantic, and everett is everything she could've ever wanted in someone. he makes her laugh, hes attractive, he gives her attention, comforts her, they have a lot of similar interests, he is always taking her out to do new things she never dreamed of doing trapped by the shackles of her parents expectations. he makes her feel free. so tbh, i actually think a perfect scenario for this would be everett's betrayal. (idc about spoiling this since i mean itll be obvious its gonna come out once i start the arc) i mean, idk if i would rly call it much of a betrayal, more of a reveal that he was a spy but lbr, he's gonna continue doing what mommy (agitha) says until his heart finally tells him to do whats right. (i have a feeling that everett will be on their side before agitha, but i havent fully figured it out yet...) so there'd be a bit of time where everett's heart is in limbo and csilla would be sitting in her room rotting away bella twilight style until it was all resolved.

guilt: What is your OC guilty about? How do they handle their guilt? Do they try to avoid guilt, or do they accept it?

Sinie

again, the big story event that sinie goes through at the end of book 1 will cover all of this. she's definitely gonna marinate in her negative emotions for a while, coping very very badly. she cuts her hair off. not a spoiler u guys have seen short haired sinie tons of times if ur familiar with this blog. i just decided tho...i think i want her to go full throttle and shave it all off. i think she'd eat.

Csilla

see, i love asks like this because i dont normally think of stuff like this for csilla like i do sinie because im used to sinie being the protagonist like she was in beta affinity, but i need to treat csilla with that same respect cause she's equally the protagonist. theyre both the main character because u cant have this story without one or the other. and this stuff makes me think for csilla.

so anyway, i dont know how to answer this question off the top of my head, SO lets psychoanalyze csilla!

she's shy and introverted, but she's also still a nerd; she likes art and music, dance, videogames even though she doesnt play much herself, anime and cartoons (sinie does end up getting her into "kiri kyu-kyu-cute!!") but she also kind of doesnt know how to have friends. she was outcasted for being the weird witchy kid growing up in a bougie all girls private school, and we ALL know how hardcore middle school girls bully. i havent fully thought of how all of csilla's history with bullying went, but it definitely affected her to grow up alone and isolated.

she probably would feel guilty for liking witchcraft and being interested in magic, it being ingrained in her head that its weird and creepy and dangerous. and running with that, she would probably feel like an absolute freak for being a magical girl. ive kind of already depicted csilla calling magic freaky and she is shown to be scared of it.

(shown in chapter 1)

(and then a couple times in chapter 2)

csilla is the one who insists they keep their magical identities a secret, partly because i personally dont want too much of the world suddenly being exposed to magic rn, (hence miko, who takes them to a place they can be destructive) but also because csilla is embarrassed. notice how she calls it "wacky". she does admit it was awesome, but thats really mostly sinie's influence. csilla does still love wacky things, she was just abused into feeling guilt about liking these things. she can be more free with sinie who is OPENLY expressive about her love for magic and their newfound powers.

so i definitely think csilla should go through an identity crisis of some sort, battling her feelings of feeling like a total freak and then feeling like she has a purpose. csilla is a little more logical when it comes to magic, its not supposed to be real. no one would believe them anyway and she's terrified of being considered the freak in a place where she can start over.

i think playing with this idea early on is better, so ill go through and edit some chapters and then keep the theme in mind for future chapters for consistency :)

oc ask meme

[transjarlaxle]

good evening kaine nation

saw my mutual @bg3 answer these questions for their ship and i am nothing if not a dirty little thief so

WOE

KAINEGALE BE UPON YE

i too ignored a few questions, combined some others. anyway. no cuts. read it whores

What, specifically, was the catalyst for their physical attraction (if applicable) to the other character? In other words, what in particular had them like “Oh, they’re...hot...”

Kaine is physically attracted to Gale pretty much from the start. He's older, competent, and charming in an endearing sort of way - they want him so bad it kinda makes them look stupid. It's really solidified after some innocuous comment - read about it in kainefic pt2 ehe - that Gale makes while they're alone in camp, a compliment about how silver is a color that suits them. They’re about ready to go down on him right there I think it's similar for Gale, really. He's not stupid and he's not blind - and with the amount of unsubtle posturing that Kaine is doing in his vicinity at all times it would be ridiculous to say he doesn't notice them. The attraction is the simple part - they’re an attractive person, and they know how to play to their strengths. He realizes he wants them badly the first time they release enough magical power that he can feel it on his skin - he can’t differentiate between the electricity from their spell and the effect their physical vicinity has on him.

Does this change over time? What things do they find “hot” about their partner after they’ve been together for some time, and have had more time to, well, notice and appreciate?

I think over time Kaine’s appreciation for Gale’s hair really shows - there’s not any part of him they’re necessarily not attracted to, but his thick dark curls really grow on them especially~ and this goes double for his body hair ‼️

Idk that anything really changes over time for Gale but there are a few things I imagine him fixating on - Kaine’s eyes, how expressive they are, the way their pupils betray their mood; their scales, where they meet their skin on their hips and legs; their legs in general. So on and so forth

By contrast, what was the moment that first made their ~heart~ Soft for the other person? Not necessarily a conscious realization of “I love this person,” but a moment that had them like “Oh...I adore them...”

For Kaine, there’s a moment when they say something teasing to Gale, and he just frowns a little and explains why whatever ridiculous thing they said can’t be true, and Kaine just thinks, oh, I could be with him like this forever. 

For Gale, it’s a crack in Kaine’s mask - a quiet moment when they’re alone, or they think no one is watching, and there’s a genuine smile, a bad pun, or a deep sigh of exhaustion - Gale wants them to be themself around him. He’ll do whatever it takes to make them feel safe enough to do so. 

There’s a song on their playlist which goes “You’re bringing me around / something which I’ve never thought about / I hope you keep me around / something which I’ve never written about // I wanna see you dance with the lights on, I wanna watch you twirl around our room / wanna hear you laugh like nobody’s listening, wanna know everything there is to know about you” so. idk. that’s it. 

Does this change over time? What will always reliably make them melt with how much they adore the other character?

I think Kaine is just endlessly fond of how open Gale is, and how easily he can get them to put down their walls. He’s easy to be around. 

Gale discovers over time that Kaine is soft - they’re good with animals, and they love cheesy romance stories, and genuine displays of affection, and it’s all just for him. They constantly choose him.  

How do they react to the realization that they like the other character? Is it an “oh my god I’m never going to think about this again” thing, or are they pretty comfortable with it?

Kaine is determined right away to have him. They’re nervous, though - it’s more real than anything they’ve ever felt, and they’re not sure he feels the same way. It makes them hesitate. 

Gale probably pushes it away for a few days, at least - he has a lot of baggage, not least of which the bomb in his chest, and he doesn’t want to drag someone with so much potential into that sphere. But he’s not one to deny himself what he wants, so I think he gets over it pretty quickly. 

Do they (or would they) pursue the other character’s affection, and if so, how? Do they tell the other character how they feel? Try to earn their admiration? Woo them with romantic gestures? Flirt with them, skillfully or otherwise?

Kaine attempts daily to seduce Gale. Stretching and angling their body for him to see and bending down in front of him and making suggestive comments - and that’s part of why they’re so unsure that he reciprocates their feelings. Gale is autistic and experienced enough to remain composed in the face of what is truly a masterclass in flirtation, until the end of act one when he invites them to channel the Weave, and he truly sees their intentions, and he’s thrilled. 

What do they think about romantic love? Do they have baggage surrounding it? Do they idealize it? Is it an object of longing and wanting, or were they really not thinking about it until they started falling for the other character? What are their expectations like?

We don’t need my Gale thinkpiece on this topic so I’ll just say that for Kaine, they never put much stock in romantic love before - they’d had a few short flings, both in Valais and in the few years they’ve been traveling the Sword Coast, but they didn’t last, and quite frankly, they never mattered that much to them. Kaine doesn’t know what to expect, but they know that they’ve never wanted someone in their life so badly, and that they’ll do anything to make sure he stays. 

What do they think about commitment? Is a long-term partnership the goal? Are they thinking about building a life with their partner, or are they focused on the present?

Kaine is single-minded. Once they have what they want, they’re not going to let it go, and they’re not interested in looking elsewhere. I don’t know if they’re consciously thinking about “forever,” but they’re content with what they have. 

Gale expresses on multiple occasions a desire to bring his partner into his life, talks about how they’d be together at home… yeah. Yeah 

What scares them about entering a relationship?

Kaine is afraid that they won’t be enough - that Gale will one day realize they’re not what they’re supposed to be. Gale is afraid of failing them the way he (thinks he) failed Mystra. 

What fears, past traumas, etc. would be hardest for them to talk about with their partner?

Kaine struggles to talk about the emotional neglect they experienced growing up, mostly because they almost refuse to recognize it. Their parents love them and care for them, so much, everything they did was to protect them. That doesn’t change the fact that they grew up disconnected from their personhood and as such have an extremely warped view of what their existence means. It just takes a while to get to the bottom of it (and for them to quite literally die for a few minutes)

How much independence do they prefer in a relationship—do they want to share their lives as much as possible with their partner, or do they prefer to mostly do their own thing and let their partner do their own thing?

I think Gale is more independent than Kaine is. He’s well in his prime and spent over a year self-isolating before the events of the game - once they’re able to settle down again, he has no issue spending time alone, or allowing Kaine to, but Kaine is constantly asking him where he’s going, what his plans are, when he’s gonna be home, so on - not in a controlling way, just a nosy, possessive one. This is changed a lot when they go back to Valais because there’s less cause for them to actually be apart by then. 

What is their go-to for making a partner feel loved?

For Kaine, it’s attention. They love attention, so they give attention. Physical touch, soft-spoken words, leaving marks on Gale’s skin - they give him bruises and scratches and love bites that he’s going to feel later, so he can’t forget exactly how they feel about him. They listen to him speak, they ask him to help them with things, they humor his ideas - they make sure he knows they’re always there. 

Gale makes Kaine feel seen. They’re a simple creature - they need a compliment, to be told that they’re beautiful, that they’re powerful, that they’re the envy of the Realms, and Gale knows all the right words to use to turn their brain off immediately. 

What, for them, constitutes a level of intimacy that they would only rarely share with someone? This can be physical, emotional, etc.

Kaine has walls upon walls. They’re perfect, they’re poised, they know what to say and how to say it. They use the allure of their body as a defense mechanism, to avert attention from whatever manipulation they’re trying to achieve with their words. it takes a while, but eventually, they let their walls down, and when they let someone see them for who they are, their likes and thoughts and desires, it’s easy to see how much you really don’t know them unless they let you. 

If they had the ability to just spend free time with their partner, what would they do? Would they go out or stay inside?

Kaine is an extrovert they want to go on DATES they want to drag Gale to fancy events and be beautiful and untouchable and glittery. They want to explore the streets of their city with him and share their culture with him. They want to see everything there is to see by his side.

Gale, I think, needs a healthy balance. He pulls Kaine in a bit - I think he prefers to be at home, with them in the same room, reading to them or watching them sleep or listening to music together. 

Are they okay with public displays of affection? Do they like them?

It’s all very situational. Gale is a self-described gentleman, and likely has certain standards when it comes to public affection. Kaine grew up learning imperial etiquette, and can pretend not to even know someone if they need to. That said, they do like to hold onto him, to make sure everyone knows they’re his - when it’s safe, of course. Every once in a while Kaine gets a little handsy and Gale probably has to remind them to be normal, but they’re generally pretty cognizant of the situation. They’re also afforded a bit more freedom when they’re married in Valais - the imperators being married isn’t exactly a secret, even if their public affection at that point needs to be a bit more rehearsed. 

When would they say “I love you?” Do they say it first? Do they say it often, or is it reserved for special moments?

Gale says it first. Kaine struggles with saying it aloud, but they do, a few times, when they’re in a situation where they feel like it’s the only thing they can say. Gale says it often, even more so the longer they’re together, and I think Kaine eventually relaxes into it, but still only says it when they’re alone. 

If sex is something that would be part of a relationship for them, do both or either of them have prior experiences? If not, how do they feel about it?

They have about equal amounts of experience, I think, discounting Gale’s relationship with Mystra. Kaine had a bit of a hot girl summer(s) in the few years leading up to the events of the game, and I think they both know enough about themselves to communicate about it well. 

What does sex mean for them? Socially, religiously, what attitudes are they bringing with them? Is “virginity” something they care about? Do they want sexual experiences to occur within a certain “level” of relationship, or does that not really matter so much to them? How comfortable are they talking about, and openly communicating during, sex?

Combining these ones just to talk about their sex life at length ~ Kaine wants sex and they know exactly how, where, when, and how often, which is honestly fairly often. Gale is nothing if not determined, of course, but he definitely has a bit of a more chaste attitude when it comes to sex. Culturally, Kaine comes from a place that doesn’t put a lot of pressure on sex and sexuality, whereas Gale sees it as something important, a big step for their relationship. Kaine recognizes this and does everything they can to make him feel comfortable and understood, but it doesn’t stop them from unraveling him in every way they know how. 

One of Kaine’s favorite things is to tell Gale what they want to do to him, with him, for him - I think verbal communication is a major aspect of their sex life. Before, during, after, all of it. Gale loves for Kaine to tell him what to do, how to please them, to tell him he’s so good at it, and Kaine wants to hear exactly how they’re affecting him, so on and so forth. You get it.

What would their partner do that would really turn them on, perhaps unintentionally?

To kind of go with the last one, Kaine is so turned on by Gale’s words - he’s an orator, he’s a poet, he knows how to string the right words together in the right order to get under their skin, and he does it well, even when he doesn’t mean to. His voice is a big turn on for them, too, whether he speaks low and soft or he’s commanding spells into existence or just commenting on the weather. Really, they love knowing exactly how skilled he is with his mouth. 

Kaine spends a lot of time actively trying to turn Gale on. They’re pretty successful at it, too - they know what they look like, and they learn quickly how to get to him. Unknowingly, though, it’s displays of their power that get to him. We know he’s turned on by danger, by seeing them in combat, and Kaine is a formidable mage, it’s true. They’re a storm incarnate, and their magic is palpable, and electricity can do a lot to someone’s body.

More than that, though, is when Kaine is powerful. When their 22 charisma kicks in and they’re talking their way into a locked room, or they’re sneering down at an enemy that’s surrendered, telling them to beg for mercy, or they’re putting on their imperator voice and demanding answers from someone. It puts him in his place even when it’s not directed at him. 

Kaine wants to be in control - they want to use Gale. His power and confidence gets them going, and they want to channel it into something that will work for them. That’s not to say Kaine is entirely ignorant of Gale’s pleasure; rather, I think they know exactly what to do to him to make it work for them both. 

Something that is also exemplified in canon is that Gale 1. has group sex fantasies about his partner and 2. likes to watch. His mirror images get a lot of use. Gale’s sexual fantasies are such that Kaine picks up on them, and they become a master of subtle looks and innuendos throughout the day that have him ready to do whatever they say once they’re finally alone.

They accidentally hurt or upset their partner. What happened? How do they respond? What do they do to make their partner feel better? (and) They have an argument with their partner—what is it about? Do things stay respectful, or is there some shouting and accusing going on? (and) They have to apologize to their partner. Is this difficult for them? How do they approach it?

all the answers you seek lie within kainefic <3 

To get a little abstract, Kaine doesn’t know how to apologize. They’re selfish and vain and they don’t think they’re wrong. They feel regret over hurting Gale, especially accidentally, and they’ll try to make it better, but it takes a lot to make them apologize and mean it. Kaine also doesn’t think that Gale has anything to apologize for, like…..ever.

When they fight, Kaine lashes out. It’s all they know how to do - they can’t cope with feeling like they’ve fucked up, so they instigate and antagonize and make it worse until something clicks and they have to move on - and then they can try to make amends.

Without giving too much away about the postgame kainefic in the works, when Kaine truly feels that they’ve hurt Gale too much, they would rather see him leave than even attempt to apologize. He shouldn’t forgive them, not after what they did to him - but he does, and they have to find a way to move on. 

How do they feel about the prospect of parenthood? Do they plan on it? 

Gale says he doesn’t see himself as a father, but I think he’d do just fine, and I think he would enjoy it, truly. Kaine’s bloodline is important to them, and despite their general air of selfishness and disregard for responsibility, once they’re coronated and they settle into their role as imperatore, they want a family. 

What compromises are they making in their relationship?

read kainefic Later on down the line, Gale is compromising his life in Waterdeep - he can bring everything with him that he wants, and Kaine will make him as comfortable as he can be, and the Dawn Palace is a beautiful place, but he’s giving up a lot to move to Valais and build a new life. 

What completely petty topic (music taste, favorite food) do they find themselves completely at odds with their partner about?

Kaine’s traditional style of dress involves more exposed skin than is covered, an insane amount of jewelry for the express purpose of the sound it makes, and a complete lack of shoes - and Kaine stubbornly sticks to this as vehemently as they’re able to, no matter where they are or what they’re doing or how much actual danger to their health it causes. It drives Gale crazy. Kaine insists he just needs to get used to having his tits out. 

How do their friends react to finding out they’re a couple? Do they have lots of mutual friends? Did their friends know, perhaps before they themselves did?

It’s painfully obvious that they want each other, it’s a bit of a “gods, it’s about time” moment for most of them. Once they are together, they’re a constant source of sickening couple momence that the rest of the group is subjected to lmaoooo

Under what circumstances would they feel jealous? Under what circumstances would they feel protective?

Kaine isn’t …… jealous, per se, but they are possessive. Halsin would call them territorial. Gale is theirs, and they are going to make sure it’s known. They decorate him in their colors, in their jewelry, and with the marks of their love. There’s simply no competition. 

I don’t think either of them feel the need to protect the other. Gale feels something like protectiveness for a while after the events of kainefic, but, of course, that’s a surprise tool that’ll help us later. 

Would they get a pet? What kind? Who brings up the idea, and who takes a little longer to convince?

In another life, Kaine is a dog person, and grew up with a fantasy doberman. Gale, of course, loves cats, and Kaine would let him have as many as he wanted. They love animals, they connect with them easily, and they probably end up with quite a few. 

[starmonsterrr]

shuffles in-

you’re like. The only otherkin I’m familiar with so uhm! Curious genuine questions time, how do you figure out??? All of that???? Do you know of any resources I could use to familiarize myself???

Thank you for your time/your help, don’t feel pressured to answer this!!

💫

[ * Alright, this is a complex one, but quite fun to answer! ]

[ * For this I will talk about my dragonkin identity since it is the one I am the most familiarized with and also what set off my journey into exploring my alterhumanity! ]

[ * It started one day, I don't know how, but I started investigating about otherkin and therians. I don't remember well how i found the term, pretty sure it was because one of my favourite animators made an animation meme subtly about therianthropy, one thing led to another, I found the therian term, then the otherkin term, and got curious. ]

[ * Across my whole life I've had the sensation of being something not human. I've always had some sort of attachment to non-human animals, more specifically by seeing myself as one of them, rather than a human. This should explain why I was intrigued by this term. ]

[ * So I started looking into my past and how I envision myself, with help of my mom because parents love documenting their children's lives. ]

[ * I realized I display quite a bunch of dragon-like behavior, though the peak of that was when I was a little pup... Hatchling... Protostar... Tiny young creature... You get the point ]

[ * I hoarded items, did dragon noises (sometimes to scare other kids at McDonald's and even did some weird pose for that too), really wanted to fly (I still do), I even had a dragon costume I would wear ENDLESSLY because I wanted to be a dragon that much. (Honestly present me would do that too) ]

[ * There was even one time i tried to make paws out of foam so I could walk on all fours without harming my hands. With the paw pads and all. ]

[ * I don't remember having any shifts, and it may be a good time to clarify that not every alterhuman ('kin or therian) has shifts, but it is quite a common experience in the community. ]

[ * What I do remember however is feeling like I could move my ears and trying to show other kids that I could move them, but they never saw them move. Turns out these are phantom ears I have pretty much all the time, though it is hard for me to make out the shape. ]

[ * Now, these are past experiences, and people change, so it is important to take a look at the present too. Think. How do you feel about being human? Does it suit you? Do you think of yourself as a human just like everyone around you is? Envision yourself. Are you human or something else? ]

[ * The vision I had of my true self was a prime puzzle piece discovering in realizing I am otherkin. Remember it is not just experiences, it is also affected by how you view yourself, and it changes over time too. Same goes for therianthropy. ]

[ * Whenever I used dragon-like (or fox-like) characters to represent myself, these weren't really just "representations". Turns out, it was my vision of what I was supposed to look like. And it changed as I learned about myself and grew. ]

[ * So, once again, think. Think for as long as you need: does being human describe you? Does it feel right, or wrong? Do you feel disconnected from humanity? (This doesn't necessarily have to tie to dysphoria, though that is the case for me.) ]

[ * Took me a bit to really figure it out, but I've always had a hunch I was a dragon. ]

[ * Sorry if this is confusing or badly formatted or idk, it's pretty late for me. A final tip I will give is to ask around on otherkin/therian Tumblr for help figuring out things! Also my go-to source for info on otherkin (well. Technically therianthropy, which is a separate community and I do not mean to use the words therian and otherkin interchangeably) is the channel Therian Territory on YouTube. ]

[ * I think what I would do is: take a look at videos explaining otherkinnity and therianthropy, people talking about their experiences etc. And then ask any questions you come up with on alterhuman tumblr. Tags such as #therian, #otherkin, #alterhuman, etc. #fictionkin if you feel like you may be a fictional character. If you're questioning something specific, let's say unicorn otherkin, tag it as #unicornkin, or kangaroo theriotype, then #kangaroo therian. I hope this seems clear enough. ]

[ * off I go to eep ]

[babymorte]

What are YOUR thoughts on Maria's design?

okay okay okay ive gotten a lot of people asking my my thoughts on the silent hill thing and i just haven’t gotten around to replying im sorry that i haven’t gotten around to it so im just gonna put all my thoughts here if that’s okay??

*also spoilers*

to answer your question first..! i don’t hate her? she looks like a mix between kristen bell and ashley in re4 remake honestly…like they made her look too likeable? you’re not necessarily supposed to kil her? like there’s always something kind of off about her but you don’t know what kind of thing in the original…this maria i would trust with my life. like im not mad about it not even a little…she just oooks like a lost kid not someone whose meant to seduce someone? i get why people are upset but it’s not like ada in re6 bad so i don’t really have any complaints !

for the game as a whole? absolutely pumped i am so beyond excited and i am SO SO SO proud of bloober because you can tell they really are putting their all into this game. they haven’t really shown eddie yet though so im kind of worried about how they’re gonna change him cuz his mental breakdown scene is brutal and like they need to treat it carefully i think…

angela looks great and im wondering if they’re going to make her assault actually canon since thats always just been a fan theory. i definitely think there’s going to be backlash on some of the themes from people who don’t know how fucked up the game actually is and I’m sure they’ll blame bloober 😅 ur everything looks so good. the fog looks great, the lighting is spot on, it looks absolutely beautiful…they’re using the same dialogue?? like i really do think this is a game for the fans as much as it is a blatant cash grab and konami being ever the opportunist as they always are but like there’s been so much to look out for and compare between this remake and the og that fans who like that stuff are gonna have a freaking field day (totally speaking for myself here). Im very excited. I’ve been excited since it was first announced like bloober is one of my fave devs i want this to do well so badly you have no idea.

as for the rest of the transmission there’s a lot of collectibles i want but it’s kind of annoying there’s no collectors edition and you have to buy everything separately? like it is konami after all so im not surprised but like come on you know they’re all expensive as hell. honestly all the merch is pretty dope!

and the movie?? im so excited like we don’t need a sh2 movie but im gonna love it im sure. i love the first silent hill even though the story is changed so drastically because there IS enough subtle fan service in every scene for you to look for on top of the blatant ‘come see our movie cuz pyramidhead is in it’ fan service (which you know was a studio decision to put him in) but like such care was given to the first movie because the director is a fan of the games like an actual fan and you can tell! just like paul anderson with the first two resi movies (i will die on this hill) like i have so much faith return to silent hill will be good!!

like i know im getting more excited than i should be because its konami we’re talking about here. they’re bound to fuck it up somehow but I’m really hoping for once they’re using their heads and we’re gonna get some good silent hill content 🙏🏻🤞🏼