#it's not even that bad bc the effects from my last shot are only just starting to wear off but man

[angiestown]

ough I forgot how awful periods truly are I can't believe most of you put up with this shit every month. I can't believe I used to put up with this shit every month

[hrryshoney]

no. 1 party anthem

A/N: lowkey projecting bc im a photographer/videographer❤️ this is set during like self-titled. if u could tell. named this after the AM song bc i think it fits (the bridge of this song is so them coded) this is unnecessarily long (6.1k words) but anyway Enjoy

warnings: smut 18+. um fingering, p in v unprotected sex, oral (m and f receiving), masturbation a bit? (male), degradation, praise, use of a camera during sex, Sir kink, exhibitionism (kinda), sex on a couch, light choking/slapping (blink and miss it!), probs more kinda filthy etc..

Today was shit. Complete and utter shit. Your alarm didn’t go off, you spilled coffee all over yourself, had to go home to change, and you were going to be late to your first clients appointment. It’s only 8:30, and you could already tell it was going to be a bad day.

Your first client was booked at 7:45. You only had four appointments today. Normally, you’d be a bit more booked out. But, your last clients would take up more time than usual. An up-and-coming band you heard, that were quite popular already. Their management had informed them about your local studio, and an appointment was made.

Upon walking into your studio promptly at 8:00, you saw that your best friend was stalling for you. She had your first client engulfed in mindless conversation. God love her, Lexi knew how to keep a crowd entertained. Really, showing up 15 minutes late wasn’t a good look. You were glad she was here to null some of the damage.

As you walked up to them, you caught the tail end of her gossiping, no doubt. You placed your hand on Lexi’s shoulder, startling her out of conversation. “Oh! Let me get out of your way. I was just telling Christian how my last shift at the diner was absolute madness. As always, though. He’s all checked in. Have fun, hope the shoot goes well!” You shot her an appreciative smile, then an apologetic one to Christian.

Stepping out of the lobby and leading him to the studio, you were face to face with him. “I am so, so sorry I kept you waiting. This morning was one from hell, for sure.”

“It’s alright, don’t worry. Shit happens.” He smiled back at you, following you into the room.

You were grateful for his understanding, hoping it wasn’t too much of an inconvenience. You prided yourself on being punctual and professional. Thankfully, the studio was already set up for his shoot

You took the lens cap off your camera and began to set up your tripod for some head shots. Flipping the camera switch to ON, you then turned to Christian.

“Let’s get started.”

…

Your next 2 appointments went on without a hitch. They were both fairly basic shoots, nothing too heavy. Your 2nd client was even a regular. She was so lovely. Today she came in to get maternity photos with her husband. Considering how long she’s been coming to your studio, you were ecstatic for her.

You were still a bit out of it and tired though, the effects of your morning not completely worn off yet. You had an hour and 45 minutes before your last clients for the day came in. The band that you’ve been anticipating.

It was 11:34 now, so you were taking this as an opportunity for your lunch break. You decided to go to the sandwich shop that was about a block down from your studio. Walking out of the darkroom in your facility, (some guests preferred genuine photographic film) you spotted Lexi. Still behind the front desk, but now on a stool, slouched and looking at her phone. Mindlessly scrolling, she was kicking her feet back and forth as they dangled from her place in her seat.

“Hungry?” You came up beside her, tapping her thigh twice. Lexi was pulled out of whatever she was watching on her phone, looking up at you. “Mhm, starving. Lunch?”

“On me,” You confirmed, “thought we could get it in before our last clients. They’re gonna take a while, but I’m looking forward to it.” You said honestly, looking out the studio’s glass windows to the street. “Have we ever shot a band?” You use the term ‘we’ loosely. When you and your best friend both got a start, you always knew that you were going to be more hands-on. She didn’t necessarily share the passion for photography, but when she had no shifts picked up for her service job at the local diner, she would pay you a visit. She stuck beside you, and you’re thankful for it.

Lexi does most of the behind the scenes work for you when she’s there, and it would honestly be 10x harder without her. “Don’t think so. I would have remembered that. Every guy in a band is, like, insanely hot.” She hopped off her stool, beat white converse hitting the ground.

“Good to know where your priorities are. Hopefully they’re cooperative.” You wondered aloud, you knew they were young. That normally meant they would be rowdy, too. Four guys around your age was bad news in general, even worse that they’re musicians. “Hopefully they’re hot.” Lexi corrects, too caught up in picking at her nail beds to see your expression.

She had you laughing out loud. Wide eyes and an even wider grin on your face. “Right, extra incentive.” You picked up your keys to the front door that were lying on one of the shelves under the front desk. Checking your watch and walking to the door, you flipped the sign to CLOSED so you and Lex could grab a bite in peace.

…

You and Lexi wasted more time than you thought. You were out for at least an hour, having went shopping after eating. You both decided you could use a new outfit. Not for anything particular, but just to treat yourselves. Then, you traveled back to the studio.

30 minutes until your next client, you still had time to kill. You went to read the email from their management, again. You saw they specifically wanted a couch in their shoot. You should probably set up their studio now. You knew you had an old, black leather couch in the back somewhere. Finding it would be the hard part.

It wouldn’t be in any of your front studios, so you decided to check the last one first. Studio 13, it was more of a storage room now. When you first leased this place, you were pretty sure it used to be a one-level warehouse. You’re never booked to the point where you’re using all the studios, and you don’t have enough staffing anyway. Still, it cleans up nicely.

You end up shouting for Lex’s help dragging the big couch to your front studio. You had already set up a white tarp for your backdrop, knowing it was a pretty minimalistic shoot. As you lug the couch along the concrete floor, the feet of it scraping against it to make a rather brash noise, you began to think the soft, calming music that you queued to combat it wasn’t working very well.

You finally push the last bit of the couch into the studio, dragging it in front of the white tarp. Lexi raised her hand for a high five, which you gladly reciprocate. You look at her with a grin. “Not bad, huh? Little studio we got going.” You both laugh, staring at the quite bleak set.

“Best in town,” Lex returns dryly, she steps out and looks to the front windows. “Those your clients?” Before you even look, you answer. Albeit sarcastically, “And I’m supposed to know, how? I’ve never met these people before.” But the words died in your throat the moment you looked. They had to be your next clients. You didn’t think anyone could fit the bill for ‘band members’ more perfectly.

So, there they were. Smoking and loitering outside the studio. And Lexi was right, because she always had to be. They were hot. No sooner than you think it, the words are coming out her mouth. “Christ, they’re handsome.” All of them wearing some short of black getup, with tight jeans and t-shirts. One boy, with longer, blonde hair, had his sunglasses on with a snapback. She laughs through her sentence in disbelief, a hand coming to her mouth. You can’t help but follow suit.

“Right, well. Even if they are, he best not ash his cig in my flower pots.” You squinted your eyes, the cigarette resting between the boys middle and index figure. Trailing your gaze to his face, he had dark curly hair. A pale complexion with deep brown eyes, cheeks sunken in as he took a drag of his cigarette. The face that, after you finished staring, you saw was looking right at you with a half-smirk. You smiled back and looked to Lex, taking a step back into the front studio. “He saw me.”

“You weren’t exactly being subtle, but oh well. That’s the one you want?” She raises her eyebrows in a tease, a wide grin splitting across her lips. Your face and body heat, eyes widening. “Can you not? I need to be professional. This is the real deal, you know? They’ve got management and everything.” You didn’t wanna blow your shot, you knew this was the foot in the door to bigger things. Cute band members were not taking this one from you.

Your hands came subconsciously to brush at your outfit, looking down at yourself to see if you looked presentable. You could practically hear your best friend’s thoughts, and the smirk on her face. You ignored her.

The bell on your door rang with entrance, and you turned to see one of the guys walking in. He had shorter dirty blonde hair, and you could see one of the others stomping on his cigarette before following behind.

Putting on your customer service smile, you took a few steps back to make room for the 4 men in the lobby. You scooted closer to Lexi, suddenly feeling outnumbered. Four sets of eyes were now looking back at you. Two brunettes, one who had closer to black hair. Two blondes, one whose was longer and lighter.

“Nice to meet you,” You sighed out, their intimidating gazes piercing. “So, um, welcome to our studio.” You introduced the both of you, giving your name and Lexi’s. Gesturing between the two of you with a wave of your hand.

They went down the line doing the same. Ross, Matty, Adam, and George. In that order, introductions exchanged in their thick accents through giggles. The boy you had taken interest in you now knew as Matty, and he was only drawing you in more.

“Well, we can get started on your session early since… you’re here.” You looked to the group, waiting for some sort of approval. You got a couple head nods, and a smirk from Matty.

“That eager to get us in, babe?” He chuckled, knocking his shoulder into his friend’s playfully. You felt embarrassment flood through you, but you led them to the studio with your head up.

“Sure. So, Studio 13. I’ll get a lot of ‘full band’ shots, but your manager said he wanted some solo shots of the each of you, too. Think it’ll be easier to get the group ones now, though.” You told them, wringing your hands slightly.

There was a small murmur of agreement, and you turned around to get your camera ready. Checking your lens, SD card, battery. “Whatever you think, you’re the pro.” Your head shot up, seeing Ross smile reassuringly at you. You returned the gesture and got back to work.

As you walked around the room to flick your lights on, you saw Matty shooting his friend a look. You didn’t think too much of it, but your eyes couldn’t stop finding his face. You were gonna have fun photographing him solo. “Okay, everyone! Get together, pose, do whatever you want. I’ll take a bunch of shots.”

After a few pictures, you stopped. Lowering your camera. “Maybe.. We should get you in the middle.” You pointed at Matty, him freezing in his place at the end of the line. “I mean, you’re just…” You trailed off, hoping he’d get the point.

George spoke up, saving you from having to complete your sentence. “She’s saying you’re the shortest, mate. Get in the middle.” He snickered, hand raising to his mouth to hide his smile.

Matty’s smile dropped, shoving his friend’s shoulder. “Whatever,” he muttered, moving to his new spot. “Better?” He tried to hold back his laugh, but was failing over the sound of his friends chuckles in the background.

Once you got them started, you could see they really were naturals. You assumed their close bond caused them to work so well and naturally together. Joking around, but still getting good shots.

However, this perception faded when you had to go in for the solos. Of course, above anything, they were boys. And they were also making your job a living hell. No matter who you were photographing, the other three were trying to get a laugh. Anything to make their friend break.

Your last straw was when you tried to get a photo of Adam, and Matty all but fell into his lap. You laughed along, (because truly, it really was just a little bit funny), but forced yourself back into work mode.

“Okay, this isn’t working. How about for the solo shots the rest of you stand out in the hallway? And we get a little rotation.” You suggested, trying to make yourself sound as light hearted as possible. Though a wave of whines passed over the group, they ultimately agreed in the end.

Working with them one-on-one was really nice. The two guys you shot so far, Adam and George, were very intelligent and funny. Unnaturally respectful for men your age, and you really couldn’t complain.

You finished both of them up, their mini shoots taking about 15 minutes each. You went back in the hallway you collect another one of them.

Adam and George now stood to the side, leaving Matty and Ross to linger right outside the door. You opened the door, looking at both of them and keeping your palm on the door handle. “Who’s next?”

Ross’ eyes went to Matty’s, about to step backwards and let him go. Then, Matty’s arm shot out to land on Ross’ shoulder. It seemed he tried to give his friend a shove forward, but the most he got out of Ross was a stumble. “Ross will go next. Save the best for last and all that, right?”

You giggled at Matty’s antics, while the rest of his friends let out sighs and eye rolls. Ross mumbled something under his breath, a sarcastic ‘right, sure..’ was the most you caught. You then lead him into the studio, closing the door on your way.

Ross’ session took about 5 minutes more than the others. He was incessantly flirting, making it hard to do your job. And while there was no denying that he was very cute, you knew they were all harmless comments.

You were finding out quickly that the boys were good company. And the shots were all turning out more than great. They were all so naturally photogenic, and the camera loved them. You doubted you’d have to do much editing.

…

You walked out with Ross, on your way to finally bring Matty in. You two lightly chatted on your way out, Matty’s eyes landing on you the second the door opened. He looked at Ross and tilted his head, to which the taller boy only looked down at him and grinned.

You broke the awkward silence, clapping your hands together. “Right, well. Matty, last but not least and all that.” You step back and put your hands up, gesturing for him to step in before you.

Once you finally got him away from the rest of the band and you closed the door, his whole demeanor shifted. Matty turned around instantly to look at you, and you looked down to the floor. You could see his smile through your periphery.

“Okay, so. For the rest of the guys I got a few of them standing and a few of them sitting on the couch…” You trail off, looking around the room. At this point, you’re just desperately trying to avoid eye contact with him. Maybe saving him for last wasn’t the brightest idea.

“Okay,” Matty nods his head, eyes following yours and looking around the studio. “Should I.. get on the couch?” He says offhandedly, a hand coming to hide the smirk that’s blooming on his face.

You feel your face get hot, but you agree anyway. “Um, yeah. That’ll work.” You walk over to the studio light, dragging it in place from where you moved it when with Ross.

After getting the area set up, you turn back to Matty. He’s looking at you expectantly, waiting for direction. “You can just pose however you want. I’ll just take a bunch of shots and there’s bound to be some keepers.” You smile and turn your camera on, fiddling with the settings.

“Have to tell me if I’m doing good, then. Don’t know what I’m doing when I pose, to be honest.” He laughs, moving in his seat a bit. You scoff, still too preoccupied with your camera to realize you did it out loud. “What?” he asks intrigued, still smiling.

“Don’t think you could really look bad. I mean, you’re photogenic and good looking to begin with, so.” You press your lips together, the words flowing out of your mouth too freely. You turn around and walk to a cart that’s in the corner of the room, pretending to grab something from it.

“Yeah, sweetheart? Think I look good?” His smile grows unbelievably wider, not being able to hold back his teasing remarks. You roll your eyes, obviously not meaning the blatant compliment to come out. You come closer to him and he kicks his knee out so it brushes your thigh.

Trying to brush it off, you shrug your shoulders. “You caught me,” You said with the faintest smirk on your face. Taking photos of him flows naturally. He’s just too.. perfect. And though you don’t throw that word around, he really is. You already love the few shots you have of him.

You get down on your knees to take the next picture from a better angle, leaning back on your calves as you do. Matty’s eyes widen and immediately find yours. It doesn’t register in your head what he’s thinking, until you see him shift in his seat.

He doesn’t do it subtly, and you know he wants you to look. You’re no better, so easily giving into temptation. Your eyes drag to his hips, watching the way he lifts himself off the couch momentarily.

“Alright, babe?” He calls, drawing your attention back up to his face. Though, your gaze lingers on his mouth. He winks at you.

“Should I be asking you that instead?” You hide behind the camera, snapping more pictures. You remembered the promise you made to Lexi and yourself. Be professional.

He chuckled, bringing his hands to run them along his thighs. “Only if you’re gonna help me out.” His eyes search yours for an answer, and you can only guess that you look as desperate as you feel. You nod.

His hands run higher, rubbing over the tent in his jeans. “Gonna need your words, then.” He smirks, and you feel so out of control. But it feels nice.

“Yes, please. I’ll help you.” You get up from your spot on the floor, ready to move towards him. Matty’s hand presses on himself harder, and he groans.

“Ah,” He tsks, stopping you in your tracks. “Don’t get to touch me yet, we’re not done our photo shoot.” He smiles, which then gets interrupted with a moan. The only thing you’re focusing on is how he works himself with his hand.

“Please, Matty. Need you.” You’re already begging him, but you don’t dare move from your spot. Because you want to be good for him. You feel the pit in your stomach, and then the pool of arousal in your panties.

“C’mon, take a picture of me baby. Isn’t that your job?” Matty throws his head back, palming himself through his jeans even more. You feel your knees weaken, the camera suddenly heavier in your hand.

You bring the camera up to your face, looking through the view finder. Matty looks sinful. You clench your thighs together and his hips lift off the couch even more, a whimper falling past his lips. You take the photo.

“Knew you’d be so fucking eager. Could see ya eye fucking me since we got here.” Matty starts to unzip his pants, allowing his cock to be less constrained by the pressure. You don’t even think when your finger hits the button.

“Like you weren’t doing the same?” You shoot back, voice coming out breathier than intended. He lifted his hips up, pulling his jeans down past his thighs. He was left in his black Calvin Klein boxers. The imprint of his hard cock very much visible.

He strokes himself over his boxers, mouth parting slightly. “Watch that mouth, thought you were a good girl.” He groans out through gritted teeth. “Come here.”

You obey, of course. Walking straight to him, though your mouth gets the best of you. “Maybe you thought wrong.” You say with an innocent smile, the toes of your shoes hitting his. He grabs your wrist, bringing it to his dick. He moves your hand up and down, letting you feel all of him.

“Wanna be a brat for me, baby? Come on, take me out. I’ve got another use for that mouth.” You reach for his waistband, your camera still in your other hand. He notices the compromising position and takes it from you. You expect him to put it to the side, but he keeps it in his hand. “Get back on your knees.”

You lower yourself down, pulling Matty out fully. He’s pretty. His cock is long and thick, the tip slightly red with precum beading out from touching himself. “So big, Sir.” You look up at him through your lashes, pumping him twice. He whines out.

“Sir, huh?” He smirks, throat gravelly. You work your hands around his length more. Then, you hear it. The camera shutter. You look up, his eyes looking through the viewfinder.

“Can I suck you off?” You bat your eyelashes, waiting for permission. Matty’s hands falter, bringing the camera down slightly. He hums.

“Mhm, take your top off, sweetheart. Leave your bra and leggings.” You pull your hands off him, swiping your shirt over your head. You were wearing a blue bra with lace trim, and it pushed your tits together nicely. Thank you, Lord.

Matty started to pump his cock when your hand left, now working himself faster. “Open your mouth.” You submitted to him, quickly sticking your tongue out. You subconsciously pushed your breasts together with your elbows.

Matty slapped his dick on your tongue, loving the way your moans vibrated around him. He teased you, taking himself away to take another picture. “Please, please Sir.” You rock yourself on your heel, the desperation growing.

“Little slut,” He giggles, pressing his cock into your mouth. Groaning out when you close your lips around him. You could only take a little more than half of him in your mouth, swirling your tongue around his tip.

Your hands came up to work the rest of what didn’t fit. “Made for this, to take my cock.” You whined around him at that. Hollowing your cheeks and pulling off a bit. You say something around him that he can’t make out, and he bucks into your mouth.

Matty’s hand comes to rest on the back of your head, hand tangling in your hair. “Like that? Wanna be my fucktoy?” You nod around him, bringing one of your hands to rub yourself over your leggings. Matty guides your head down on him until you gag, letting you pull off and take a breath.

Tears welling in your eyes, you swallow your saliva and look back up at him. “I’m okay, please keep going. I like it.” You respond to the concerned look in his eyes, and he nods. Before you take him in your mouth again, you spit back on his cock.

“Fucking hell, shit.” Matty moans, throwing his head back on the frame of the couch. He pushes your head down again, making you take his whole cock in your mouth. You don’t gag this time, and he starts to move his hips.

He’s fucking your mouth, and you’ve never been more turned on in your life. You felt your knees starting to bruise, and you rubbed your cunt faster. The only thing separating you being two layers of fabric.

He pulled you off of him, then. Looking at you touching yourself. “Getting off on making me feel good? S’pathetic, baby.” He teased you, and you heard the camera go off yet again. “C’mon, up here. Gonna make you feel good.”

What a gentleman, you think. Not coming before you. The thought makes you giggle, but it’s interrupted by your own shriek when he pulls you onto the couch. He places you on his thigh, grinding you down against him. Your whines are constant and he’s not letting up. “Please, Matty. I want you.” You whimper.

Matty pulls his shirt over his head, throwing it to the side. You state shamelessly, taking in all of his tattoos. They make him even more attractive, and you know you’re only feeding his ego with your wide eyes and parted lips.

He flips your position, and now Matty’s on his knees before you. He pulls your leggings off briskly. Then, you’re only left in a bra and panties. He presses over the wet spot on your panties, and you jolt. He hooks his finger in them, and pulls them to the side.

His fingers run through your wetness, and you’re practically glistening under the studio lights. He slips his middle finger inside of you, but it’s gone as soon as it came. You squirm, needing to feel any kind of friction. He pulls you closer to him by your thighs, spreading your legs wide.

He’s just staring for a few minutes, until you feel him blow a gust of cold air onto your exposed cunt. You scream out, hips bucking off the couch. Matty lightly slaps your inner thigh. “Sh, don’t want our friends to know what a whore you are, right? Giving it up so easy for a guy you just met.” You hear the smirk in his words, his accent becoming thicker and breathing more rapid.

Without warning, he licks a bold stripe up the center of your pussy. You put your hand in front of your mouth, muffling the moans. Matty sees this, however, and has a different idea. He says something without lifting up from you, the feeling of his mouth making your eyes roll back. Finally, he pulls off of you. “Camera.”

You whine, “Huh?” The camera is suddenly being placed in your hand, the weight making you shake more. “Only fair you get some pictures of me. Had your photoshoot, now it’s my turn.” And with that, his mouth is back on you.

Matty licks your clit, pursing his lips and sucking. Your legs start to shake, and he brings his hand around to insert his middle finger in your hole. Your whole body goes weak, the light grip you have on the camera not helping.

Matty continues eating you, and he’s messy with it. You feel your slick on your inner thighs. His tongue goes inside of you, slowly moving in circles. He pulls off again, watching you clench around nothing before shoving his face between your thighs.

Your moans are nonsensical, bucking your hips off the couch and squirming uncontrollably. Matty spits on your cunt, moving his hand to pinch at your clit. “Fuck! Oh my God, Matty. Don’t tease.”

“God or Me, which one?” He laughs, pressing a light kiss to your clit. “You haven’t taken any photos, Miss ‘pro’.” He brings up Ross’ words from earlier, the realization causing you to smile. The smile is wiped away, though, when he runs his two fingers through your slit and puts them inside of you.

Your mind clears, and you finally take a photo. You don’t even bother to check the shot anymore, just clicking the button mindlessly. Matty grins and curls his fingers inside you. His tongue laying flat against your clit.

He sucks on you again, scissoring his fingers slowly. “Mm, please, Sir. Gonna cum, please.” You beg, hoping he won’t take it away from you. That he’ll just allow you to let go. You take another picture, the top of his hair and bottom of your abdomen most likely the only things visual.

“C’mon, baby. Cum for me and I’ll give you what you really want. Fill you up with this cock.” He stutters in his words, and you realize his other hand went down to lightly stroke himself. More precum that he’s been using to lubricate himself.

You cum with a shout, that’s muffled by his lips on yours. Matty swallows your moans, sticking his tongue in your mouth instead. You can barely taste yourself on his tongue, and you ride his fingers through your orgasm. “Matty, Matty. Shit, thank you.” You pant, chest heaving.

“Good girl.” He pats the top of your head condescendingly, snickering. He stands back up to his full height. “Don’t thank me yet, ‘M just getting started with you.” His hand comes behind your back, unclipping your bra and letting it fall to your lap. “Lift your hips up, love.”

You do as he says, letting him pull your panties off. He throws both scraps of fabric somewhere on the grand. His hand immediately going towards your tits. He grabs a handful, and starts kissing down your neck.

“Sir, need you now. Can’t wait anymore.” Matty’s lips attach to your collarbone. He bites you, sucking on the spot. He licks over the red mark, moving to another spot on your neck to do the same.

“You’ll fuckin’ wait if I make you. Do anything to please me, right?” You nod, head rolling to rest on your shoulder. You finally feel satisfied when Matty takes his cock, resting it just above your pussy.

He lines himself up, but never goes where you need him. He keeps bumping your clit, every time making your body twitch. He holds your hip in place, the tip of his cock prodding at your entrance. The only coherent thing coming out of your mouth is please, mixes of Matty and Sir.

He puts his tip inside of you, feeling you clench and then quickly pulling out. You whine, trying to move down the couch and put him back in. “Beg for me if you want it so bad, baby.” Matty is hard, and you know he must be aching as bad as you are. His cock and angry red, you know he needs to give in soon.

“Please! Please, I need it. Need you so bad.” You’re not above begging, obviously. And Matty loved it. He groaned, your wet cunt coming in contact with his dick again.

“Need what? Gotta use your words like a big, or I won’t know.” He rubbed his cock down your slit, pressing on top of your clit. He moved his hips forward slightly, and you squeezed your eyes shut.

You threw your head back, “You! Your cock, Matty. Need it inside me.” You tried to close your legs, clenching around nothing and needing friction. Matty gripped your inner thighs, prying them apart and pressing them to either end of the couch.

He lined himself up with your dripping hole again, slipping inside of you slightly. “Gonna give it to you, ruin you.” With that, Matty thrusted inside of you. He started slow, half his cock inside of you. He was stretching you out so good, letting you adjust. “More,” You grit out, teeth clenching in your head.

“Was gonna give it to you gently.” He pressed more of himself inside of you, watching you shake your head. His hand came up to grip your jaw, making you look at him. “You don’t want it slow, right? Just wanna be fucked dumb.” Matty pushed the rest of his cock inside of you. Finally, you were taking him in full.

“Yes! Yes, Sir.” You feel so whole, so full. It makes you want to scream, and you bring your knuckle to your mouth and bite down. You see Matty reaching behind your head for something, and see him with the camera in hand.

He pulls halfway out of you, and the camera shutters yet again. “Look at the way you grip me, christ. Just milking my cock. He starts pounding into you again, hips slapping against yours.

Matty has a steady rhythm, it feels so fucking good for you. You keep clenching around him, and you’re close again from your other orgasm. “Faster, sir. Please.” You jut your lips out. “Wanna cum.” Matty laughs.

“Thought you wanted to be my toy, huh? Sit so pretty for me and take it? That’s dirty, you know, babe. Toys don’t get to cum.” He pouts at you in faux sympathy, eyes casting down towards you. The leather couch was making you sweat now, his gaze piercing through you.

“Please, Sir. Need it so bad, I’ll be so good. I’ll be quiet.” You whined, hips coming off the couch before Matty’s strong hand pushes you back down. Letting your head fall back, a gasp escapes your mouth again when his hand attaches to your clit.

“You’re greedy. Already came once and begging like a slut for it again.” He presses down on your clit, thrusting into you harder. He does go faster, speeding up his rhythm. Your stomach turns and you know you won’t be able to hold it.

Matty’s hand comes to rest lightly on your throat, pressing his thumb into one of the hickeys. “Cum for me, sweetheart. Let go.”

You do, with a shout so loud Matty doesn’t even bother covering it. He’s too focused on reaching his own release. He speeds up even more, riding you through your orgasm and making you overstimulated. “Fuck, fuck. Good girl. Where can I cum, baby?”

“My mouth.” You say with no hesitation, and he pulls out of you cunt. Matty moves up slightly, and pumps his cock above you. You open your mouth and stick your tongue out, and the visual makes him cum. He throws his head back with a loud moan, letting his cock hit your bottom lip.

You swallow, holding his eye contact. He curses under his breath, picking the camera back up and taking a picture of you like that. Then, one with his thumb pulling on your bottom lip before he wipes the corner of your mouth with it.

You giggle. “You taste good.” You watch him step off the couch, searching for your clothes. He finds your underwear and bra, bringing it back over to you. When he realizes there’s nothing to clean you up with, he leans down and licks your cunt.

You shriek out. “Could say the same about how you taste.” He winks at you, handing you your clothes so you can get dressed. He goes to find his own and do the same. You hide your face in your hands.

“No way you’re shy, you just had my dick inside of you.” He rolls his eyes, throwing his shirt back on. Tone full of amusement and disbelief.

“Doesn’t mean you have to be vulgar.” You joke, strapping back into your leggings. The anxiety about Lexi and his band mates is hitting you now, but there’s no going back. “Thank you.”

He looks over, a wide grin on his face. Matty grabs your shoulders. “No, thank you. Best photoshoot of my career.” He walks over to the door, and you take long strides to catch up with him.

You smooth a hand over your hair and straighten out your clothes. It’s no use though, because when you open up the door and walk into the hall with Matty, they all know.

Lexi and the guys all stood there, knowing smiles on their faces. George even starts laughing when you both walk out. Adam’s head hung with his shoulders shaking, and Ross a smirk on his face.

“Think Matty got the all inclusive session, then?” George says, causing the rest of the group to burst out in laughter. You shrink in on yourself, looking over to see Matty’s grin. Lexi shoots you a look. A timid smile, but her eyes say ‘we’ll talk later.’

Matty giggles, humming. “Mhmm, don’t be jealous.” He shrugs looking between Lexi and you. “Contact us again for another shoot, then? We love your work, and would love to come back.” His eyes go to your face for the last bit, and you nod.

They all say their goodbyes, exchanging handshakes and stares. When they walk out, Matty catches your eye again through the window. Waving, and pulling out a cigarette.

…

Later, when you’re cleaning up the studio, you find a folded piece of paper under the front desk. A 10 digit phone number, a small heart and the words Matty scrawled under it.

[chelseeebe]

pick a side or i’ll pick you both. (part two)

blood, guts and gore. cheating, smut.. idk what there isn’t in here.

summary: what happens when the hunter becomes the hunted? does anyone make it out of hawkins alive?

a/n: idk if i like this hehe. i’ve also not really read it through bc i detest reading anything i’ve written so excuse any mistakes. i’ve written a small epilogue for this which i’m gonna post separately soon!

taglist: @manyfandomsfanvergent @nope-thanks @secretdryrose @bibieddiesgf @val-writesstuff

part one. | part two. | epilogue.

for a memorial, things were pretty wild. suppose with the whole town still reeling from the murders, it was to be expected that people wanted to let loose.

including steve.

who was sat jabbering on about nancy and the amazing memories he held with jason. utter bullshit. but he was incredibly intoxicated so you’d let him off.

you stay away from the drink, nursing a singular beer all night. too afraid to get drunk and let go of your inhibitions. unsure of what you might let slip.

eddie was at least keeping his part of the deal, sat in the corner with jonathan. feeding him shots and occasionally disappearing to the garden to smoke. you watched on anxiously. getting sly looks from eddie every now and again.

they weren’t exactly telling you much.

he nods towards the stairs, standing up and walking away. you waited a moment before following. fobbing steve off to a member of the basketball team sat next to you.

you have to open every last door and eventually find eddie perched against the sink in the bathroom. gnawing on the skin around his fingernails.

‘finally,’ he remarks, throwing his hands up.

you lock the door behind you and stand opposite him, ‘so? what did he say?’

eddie sighs, finishing off his drink, ‘well, the bad news is that he definitely thinks you had something to do with it.’

‘what?’ you hiss, widening your eyes at how nonchalantly he just said that.

‘but,’ he pauses for dramatic effect, ‘he thinks steve’s involved.. some jealous ex thing, he wasn’t really making sense at this point.’

you exhale, so jonathan doesn’t necessarily think you killed nancy. just that you helped steve do it. which wasn’t really any better.

‘fuck,’ you sigh, rubbing your forehead. where the fuck do you go from here besides the obvious?

‘hey, maybe it’s not all that bad.. he doesn’t think it was you exactly, we could just.. convince him it was someone else?’

‘he thinks it was steve,’ you say pointedly, ‘my boyfriend? the entire reason we started this shit in the first place?’

‘yeah so.. we frame someone else. one last kill.. murder-suicide. someone you really have it in for,’ he shrugs, his calm demeanour was really irking. he should be more scared.

you ponder for a second, you didn’t really hold hate for anyone apart from nancy. well, maybe there was a few people. tommy fucking hagan for one. steve’s desperate best friend who you were sure definitely wanted to fuck your boyfriend.

but why would he murder any of these people?

maybe nancy was some weird homoerotic jealousy thing.. higgins because he always seemed to be in some sort of trouble? leaving jason, who you were sure he’d never even spoken to.

‘i don’t know,’ you shake your head, stuck on where to go from here.

killing jonathan was an option. get rid of him before he could spill anymore of his stupid theory to anybody else. he was the only person that had suspected you.

the police had partially moved on from the school. looking further into the community for answers. grilling innocent people on their whereabouts last week.

someone bangs on the door, screaming about needing the bathroom and interrupts your entire conversation.

you hadn’t thought about how you’d get out of the bathroom with eddie. how strange it looked the two of you being in here alone.

you look up at him and then the window. his eyes follow your gaze and he immediately shakes his head no.

‘no. i’m not jumping out of the fucking window, are you crazy?’

‘what else are you gonna do?’

‘why don’t you go out the window? i was in here first,’ he hushes, the desperate party goer now slamming the door.

‘i’m not going out the window,’ you look around desperately for anyway out of this, ‘get in the bath.’

‘what?’

‘bath,’ drawing back the curtain and gesturing for him to get in.

he scoffs but admits defeat as he climbs into the white tub, it was a hell of a lot better than falling thirty feet to the ground.

you pull the curtain back, hiding him behind the thin plastic. gathering yourself for a moment before opening the door.

the desperate attendee in question is jonathan. looking a pale shade of green and covering his mouth. he doesn’t even acknowledge you before pushing past, hunching over the toilet and emptying his stomach.

god bless eddie who was now guaranteed to be stuck in the bathroom for at least another hour.

it gives you a small giggle as you make your way back to steve. now stood up, wildly gesturing around and still boring the pants off of everyone in the room.

-

the party had died down in the early hours and you’d managed to get steve to bed. though, it was a struggle carrying him up the stairs. even now he was talking about nancy and jason. you’d wanted to just let him go. let him fall and then maybe he’d shut up about his dead ex.

eddie had escaped back downstairs at some point and had passed out next to robin on the couch, lying over each other in a mess of drunken limbs.

steve falls asleep sprawled over the bed, one arm draped over your waist, rambling about how good you were and that you always do so much for me.

he had no idea.

you hadn’t really been sleeping lately, far too much swirling around your brain to shut it off. horrifying nightmares of the pool of blood surrounding nancy. the gargling sound higgin’s had made as he met his end. the sheer look of terror on jason’s face as eddie had taken his life.

though you must’ve dozed off at some point. being woken by steve’s groaning.

‘hungover?’ you ask, opening one eye to peek at him.

‘you could say that, yeah,’ his voice rough, one arm extending out to pull you closer.

‘you’re lucky i bought you up here.. you’re heavy as shit,’ you chuckle, running your fingers through his messy hair.

this is why you had to do what you did. for moments like these. where it all seemed worth it.

‘mhm thank you,’ he squints at you, a small smile on his face, ‘definitely feel better waking up next to you.’

you return the smile, humming in response.

‘y’know what would make me feel even better?’ he states huskily, moving on top of you, his smile replaced with a little smirk.

‘hmm? what’s that?’ fingers intertwining in his hair, moving your legs for him to slip between.

he responds by kissing your lips. you ignore the smell of alcohol and last nights party, returning the kiss. you two hadn’t had sex since.. well, since before you’d brutally killed his ex girlfriend. not for lack of trying, though.

his hand slides up your thigh, reaching your pajama shorts while his tongue makes its way into your mouth. his fingers toy with the elastic waistband and you move your hips against him, feeling his growing erection.

your shorts are halfway down your legs when the door knocks. eliciting a deep groan from his throat, although he doesn’t pull back in hopes they’d go away.

they don’t. knuckles wrap against the wood once again.

‘what’d you want?’ he hollers, still on top of you, elbows digging into the mattress either side of your shoulders.

the door creaks open and you’re not at all shocked to see eddie stood in the doorframe, ‘we uh- we wanted to make coffee.. couldn’t figure out your machine,’ he utters and you swear you can see the slightest smirk.

steve exhales sharply, ‘seriously?’

‘yeah man.. people are dying down there,’ eddie states, as if it’s the most serious subject in the world.

steve looks back at you, ‘i’ll be two minutes,’ planting one last kiss before rolling off of you with a grumble.

you pull the duvet up, eddie’s gleaming eyes not leaving you once as steve pulls on his discarded jeans from last night.

‘lead the way, coffee man,’ eddie laughs, still looking at you.

steve pushes past him, making his way down the hallway but eddie doesn’t follow. lingering in the doorway with a smug grin on his face.

‘dickhead,’ you mouth, attempting to bore holes in his head with your eyes. he most definitely waited for the perfect moment to come and interrupt. it was kinda his thing.

‘whoops,’ he shrugs, turning to follow steve down into the kitchen.

good god you could’ve slammed his head into the damn doorframe until that stupid look was wiped right off of his face.

you give steve five minutes before huffing and getting out of bed, walking down to the full kitchen. you can vaguely hear robin and steve arguing over something stupid.

eddie clocks you first, eyeing your exposed thighs before meeting your gaze. same sly grin on his face.

you roll your eyes, ignoring his very existence and wrap your arms around steve’s waist, laying your cheek on his spine.

he jumps slightly but quickly realises who the hell is touching him and settles into the embrace, still trying to demonstrate how to use a coffee machine to robin. ignoring the feeling of a certain pair of eyes boring into your back.

-

you tumbled into the back of his van, suddenly extremely grateful that he’d decided to bring this instead of your moms car. though the risk of being seen in this death trap was much higher.

you’d gone to tommy’s house to try and end this shit tonight. luckily, his bedroom was on the ground floor, there’s be no scaling of any buildings tonight.

it hadn’t particularly gone to plan though. you’d perched on either side of his window for what felt like forever when he stumbled in, carol fucking perkins in tow. of course. shit could never go to plan, could it?

you’d had to call it off. having never tackled a double kill before, you were not going to try tonight. no, it wasn’t worth it. not when all you were doing was trying to end this shit.

you yank the mask off, lifting the black polyester gown over your head, your shirt rising up as it’s launched into the corner. of course he’s watching, desperate for any last slither of skin.

does murder make you horny? was it the fucking mask? is that what this was? a mask kink?

his bottom lip between his teeth was driving you nuts. you wouldn’t ever do this. not normally. but you move over to him on your knees, not bothering to fix your shirt.

he opens his mouth to speak but you interrupt whatever unintelligent spiel he was about to come out with, pressing your lips to his, clambering onto his lap.

his hands immediately find their place on your waist, working on fully removing your shirt. he lifts it up and over your head, resuming the passionate kiss as soon as it reached the dirty van floor.

you waste no time and reach between your bodies, grabbing at his belt buckle and undoing the metal clasp. the kiss messy, full of spit and tongues as you huff, struggling to remove his jeans.

there’s no words spoken, just a silent and slightly aggressive need to get inside of you as quickly as possible. your lacy underwear dragged down your thighs, almost in shreds at the ferocity he’d pulled them down.

your arms hung over his shoulders as he positions himself at the entrance of your throbbing cunt, lowering yourself onto him with a low moan. pausing for a moment to adjust to the fullness.

you don’t wait long before beginning to move, bouncing on top of him, only encouraged by the grunts and filthy words coming out of his mouth. picking up the pace, bare knees scraping against the rough ground of the van.

you throw your head back, whimpering as he begins to buck up into you. his hand slides up from your chest, finding place around your neck, giving it a slight squeeze.

‘holy shit,’ he breathes, your hips clashing against each other as his thrusts get harder, letting him take full control of the situation.

his hand moves down, palming your breast, his teeth almost splitting his bottom lip as he bites down on the skin. deep grunts slipping out of the small gap.

you look back at him, mouth hung open, ‘shit.. i’m gonna..’ the angle hitting perfectly, the denim of his jeans rubbing against your clit at just the right momentum.

‘yeah?’ he barks back, reaching his own climax, thrusts becoming sloppy as your walls clench around him, coming to your own high.

‘fuck,’ you whine, writhing above him, stilling your hips. pausing for a moment to come back to earth. to realise you were in the back of eddie’s old rusted van, his cock still inside of you.

you slide off, perching beside him, scrambling to find your discarded clothes and your long lost sense of dignity.

you pull the strap of your bra back up onto your shoulder, avoiding eddie’s eyes and fumbling for your shirt.

‘that’s not happening again,’ pulling your shirt over your head. it was like an immediate overwhelming feeling of guilt. every time.

‘you said that last time,’ he laughs, sitting back against the inside wall of his van, re-doing his belt.

you glare at him but don’t honour his remark with a response, gathering your things and shoving them into your small bag.

‘that one was all you, remember that,’ he adds, wiping his sweaty face with his t-shirt before pulling it on.

‘maybe if i wasn’t cockblocked, i wouldn’t be so.. frustrated,’ you sneer, crawling over to the double doors.

‘you can just say you want to fuck me.. the world isn’t going to end if you do,’ he shrugs.

‘yours might if you keep speaking like that,’ you warn, going to open the door.

eddie stops you before you can, a hand on your outstretched arm, ‘wait.’

‘what now?’

‘are we really doin’ this with tommy?’ he asks, suddenly completely stoic.

you exhale, ‘i don’t see how else we can end this,’ shrugging, ‘we have to.’

he nods slightly, avoiding your eyes, ‘okay.. as long as you’re sure.’

‘i am,’ you assure, ‘and then we go back to normal.’

-

since school had been called off for the foreseeable an array of parties had cropped up, including another at steve’s house. you think he just didn’t want to be alone. his parents were on another trip out of town and the house was so big, it’d be stupid not to gather everyone together in his house.

tommy was going to be there. you’d made sure of it with steve, asking under the guise of wanting to know all attendees just in case.

eddie was going to lure him away from the party with promises of a free joint. lucky for you, steve’s house backed onto a large, creepy forest where you’d be waiting, ready to get rid of tommy and dressing him in your murdering costume.

sneaking away from steve would be the hardest part, constantly clutching onto your hand and desperate to not get as drunk as last time in hopes he’d get lucky tonight.

eddie was waiting on your cue, you’d go out first and wait for them both in the forest. everything you needed was hidden out there before the party started.

‘i’m gonna go freshen up and get another drink, i’ll be back,’ you smile at steve, patting his arm and wriggling away from his hold.

‘i’ll come,’ he says, following you in standing up, a quickie in his bathroom would very much suffice.

‘no.. no it’s your party, stay here.. i’ll be five minutes.. ten tops,’ you nod, just praying that he wouldn’t insist.

he doesn’t. thank god. and you slip out of the house through the back door and out of the mossy garden gate, making sure the gaggle of teens in his backyard wouldn’t see you. they were too drunk to even care.

you breathe a sigh of relief when you find the tree you’d stashed everything behind, probably slightly unwise to do this all in the dark.

eddie springs into action the second you’d left, having already been chatting to tommy about the promise of weed, it doesn’t take long to get him to follow.

‘nah, let’s go to the woods.. i don’t want everyone bothering me for freebies y’know?’ eddie coax’s him out of the back garden and further into the forest where you were waiting.

a branch snaps to the left of your hiding spot and you can hear tommy’s irritating voice get louder as they get closer.

as soon as you appear from behind the tree, eddie grabs onto tommy’s arms, holding them in place behind his back.

‘woah woah, what the fuck are you doing?’ tommy scrambles, eyes wide and darting around the darkened forest.

‘oh tommy,’ you coo, walking over to the ginger and shoving the makeshift gag over his mouth, muffling his screams, ‘i wish it didn’t have to be this way.’

you throw the frayed rope to eddie and he wraps it around tommy’s wrists, tying it in what you hope is a tight knot. you’d known that realistically eddie couldn’t overpower tommy for long and as soon as the adrenaline hit, he’d be fighting back stronger.

eddie kicks the back of his knee and he falls down onto the ground, kicking his feet in the dirt, trying with all his might to get free from the ties.

eddie was hyper aware of your decision not to use the mask, the party continuing somewhere in the background, ‘we need to be quick,’ he presses, gritting his teeth as tommy thrashes around beneath him.

‘i am,’ you glare at him.

see, the plan was to frame tommy. make out that he’d dragged you into the forest. attacked you first. you’d just acted in self defence and got him before he could get you. even prepared to sustain a few injuries for good measure.

tommy shakes his head desperately, looking up at you with tearful eyes, the knife reflecting off his glossy eyes. he looked utterly pathetic and you’d wondered how many poor people he’d instilled this level of terror in.

tommy was an asshole, through and through. a real bully. and you’d detested the fact steve was still friends with him. even if it was because they’d been friends for so long as steve tried to tell you.

‘it’s not nice being on the receiving end now, is it?’ you poke him with the sharp knife, bent down to his level.

no no. he incoherently mumbles through the gag. he’d seemed to calm down slightly, maybe convincing himself that you were playing some cruel joke on him and he wasn’t actually about to die.

‘it’s a shame, really,’ you pout at him, ‘steve really likes you.. god knows why, i bet he’ll be really sad that you’re gone.. oh well.’

tommy’s breathing is laboured, sweat pouring from his forehead and you step between his legs, gripping onto the handle of the knife.

maybe that was a mistake as his legs clamp together, trapping yours in between his causing you to topple down onto him. cursing as you hit the ground, the knife falling somewhere in the dust.

‘shit,’ eddie hisses, stumbling to find the knife as tommy writhes around, trying to grip onto something, anything that’ll help him.

you get your bearings again, standing up and placing a foot on tommy’s back as he attempts to army crawl away from you.

‘you fucking idiot,’ you say through gritted teeth, eddie finds the knife amongst the leaves and hands it back to you, cussing at tommy for making him crawl around in the dirt.

you plunge the knife into his back, blood immediately soaking through his t-shirt as his arms flap around. a muted scream escapes the gag and you twist the knife slightly before removing it from the wound.

for good measure, eddie gives him a swift kick to the ribs, stopping any attempt at getting back up. you stab him again, this time in the side as if it was a desperate attempt to get him off of you in the pretend struggle.

he groans, head dropping to the floor, eyes drooping as he fights the imminent death. the blood seeps into the ground, colouring the dried autumn leaves a shade of red.

you watch as his movements get slower, weak attempts at shouting for help in his final breaths. until they stop. and he lays lifeless on the mud in front of you.

you swallow before looking at eddie who had that psychotic look on his face. it should’ve scared you, his eyes glinting with pure evil intentions. but it doesn’t. you know exactly how he felt. the euphoric feeling coursing through your veins.

you can feel your heartbeat in your throat. when his eyes meet yours, that familiar feeling throbs in your stomach. were you turned on by this? or was it just a need to excrete the energy that had built up inside?

you’re quickly snapped out of whatever weird trance you’re in when the party’s music stops and calls of your name ring out in the back yard.

shit. steve was definitely wondering where the fuck you’d gone. tommy had taken slightly longer than anticipated to get rid of.

you push the knife into eddie’s hand, ‘cut me,’ offering your arms to him.

‘no, what the fuck?’

‘eddie it has to look like a fight, cut me!’ you insist, almost grabbing the knife and doing it yourself.

he hesitates, ‘shit shit shit,’ he exclaims, lifting the knife to your arm.

‘do it!’

he does, sliding the knife across your arms and slashing the skin, drawing blood instantaneously.

you bite down on your lip, humming at the searing pain but urging him to continue. gesturing to your midriff area, blood dripping from your arms.

he glances at you quickly before pulling the knife across the skin, cutting open your shirt in the process. you nod over to tommy, if he was found tied up and gagged, you’d have another problem on your hands.

eddie saws off the rope, stuffing it into his jacket pocket alongside the gag. it had been planned meticulously you see, eddie was going to hand you off to whoever you saw first in the garden, rush off to ‘call the police’ and rid himself of any evidence in his van. everybody too preoccupied with your wounds to notice him disappear.

the police would come and you’d put your sixth grade drama classes to good use, telling them that tommy had pulled you out into the woods and just went crazy, slashing and stabbing at you. but oh no he’d dropped the knife and in your desperate attempt to survive you’d picked it up and stabbed him instead.

you were sure you could improvise if it really came down to it. it wasn’t like you weren’t actually in pain, the gash on your stomach stinging as the hem of your shirt rubbed against it.

eddie throws his arm around your waist, walking back to the now quiet party, ‘so i just.. found you out here, right?’

‘right,’ you breathe, gripping onto his denim jacket and preparing for the performance of a lifetime, ‘you were getting some fresh air.. heard a scream and found me.’

you near the gate and turn to nod at eddie, pulling your best in pain face as he swings open the gate. horrified party goers turn towards you, mouths wide at your gushing wounds.

you can vaguely see steve pushing through the crowd, sprinting over to take you from eddie’s hold.

‘what- what happened? what did you do?’ steve shouts, taking ahold of your arm and slinging it over his shoulder.

‘i-i didn’t do anything.. she was just out there like that.. i don’t know,’ eddie stutters, looking at you to back him.

‘it wasn’t.. it wasn’t eddie, steve.. tommy,’ you nod, putting on your best terrified face, clinging onto steve’s shirt as he sits you down on one of the garden chairs.

‘tommy? what are you saying?’ his eyes go wide at the accusation, crouching down to your level, keeping one hand pressed to the gash on your stomach.

it wasn’t really deep enough to cause any serious problems but christ was there a lot of blood.

‘he.. told me to follow him.. that you were out there, so- so i did.. and then.. there was a knife..’ you trail off, looking down at your wounds, hands beginning to shake.

you were really selling it, god, if this shit was a movie you’d for sure be owed a few awards for this performance. it was easy to cry seeing as eddie’s knife work actually was pretty painful. burning as the blood leaked into your clothes and onto steve’s hand.

it was the longest night of your life. spending hours at the hospital patching you up and making sure there were no internal injuries. and then carted off to the police station the second the nurse had okayed you going home.

steve followed along, waiting on the uncomfortable chairs as you re-told your story for the umpteenth time. ensuring that every detail was the same as the last time you told it. occasionally letting a few tears fall but putting on your best brave face so the officers take pity on you.

they do eventually. telling you that you’re so incredibly strong and they’ll be in contact soon about how they’re proceeding with this all. it worked though. they’d bought your story and you could get back to some sort of normality.

just this time without nancy or tommy fucking hagan trying to interject themselves in your relationship. the thought of having steve to yourself, finally, was enough motivation to sell this damn story and get it done with.

-

you hadn’t really thought about the implications of being the one to finally catch and kill the ‘infamous hawkin’s killer’. turns out just about everyone in the town now worshipped you. you were practically famous.

kids at school would come to you in the hallways, giving their sorry’s and telling you just how heroic you were.

it was sort of nice. well, after pushing aside the burning guilt inside of you.

you couldn’t fester on it too much though. what was the point? even if you did come clean at this point, who would’ve believed you? it was over. no reason to live in the past. it’s not like you could bring anyone back to life, so why not enjoy the glory?

steve was very clearly also enjoying the second-hand fame, making a point to throw his arm around you in the hallway and making sure everyone knew that you two were together.

in the whirlwind of shit you’d kind of neglected everyone else. especially eddie. though, you were kinda glad that part of it was over. you didn’t need to be reminded of the shit you’d done every time you saw dark curly hair. about what you’d done together.

he bounded up to you one day at school, ‘i need to talk to you,’ his voice hushed, hand gingerly grabbing your arm.

‘i’m kinda busy right now eddie,’ you reply, grabbing your books from your locker, trying your hardest not to look at him.

‘it’s important,’ he dips his head, ‘it’s about.. you know..’

‘well then it’s not important,’ you bit back, slamming your locker shut.

‘please.. i-i don’t know what to do,’ he pressed, desperate to get you to listen.

‘find me at lunch or something.. i’ve gotta go,’ you walked off, finding steve who was waiting for you up ahead, disregarding whatever eddie was talking about immediately.

it didn’t matter now.

-

‘steve?’ you call out. if his parents car wasn’t there, which was rarely, you’d just walk in. he’d get you your own key if he could.

you’d move in if it were up to you. since everything had died down a tad, you’d been closer than ever. exactly why you’d done everything in the first place. it was perfect.

there’s no response, which is odd. his car was outside and the door was unlocked. usually he’d come bounding downstairs at the sound of the door closing. nothing.

you pull a face and swing round into the kitchen, wondering if he’d just not heard you. nope. empty.

‘steve?’ you ask again, met with the exact same silence as before.

‘if you’re playing some prank on me, i will punch you,’ you warn, beginning to climb the stairs.

still nothing.

his bedroom door was closed which was also usual if his parents weren’t home but maybe he’d fallen asleep after basketball and couldn’t hear you.

you twist the handle, slowly opening the door so that you could scare him.

you’re met with the image of steve’s limp body bundled into the corner, head hanging down to his chest. your stomach flips, not knowing if he was even still alive.

‘he’s not dead, don’t worry,’ eddie’s voice calls out, appearing from behind the en-suite door.

your eyes widen at the sight of him. what the fuck had he done?

‘eddie.. what the fuck? what have you done?’ you manage to croak out, slowly moving towards steve’s body.

‘i wouldn’t if i were you,’ he comes further out of the bathroom, knife in hand, pointing the sharp edge at you.

you stop dead, holding a hand out as if to offer peace, ‘what do you want?’ you breathe, chest heaving.

he flicks the knife at the bed, gesturing for you to sit down, ‘i’ll explain.. you should sit though.’

you oblige, sitting gingerly on the edge of the mattress, flitting between steve and eddie who was now making his way to you.

‘i-i don’t understand.. what’s going on?’ you blink, trying to hide the tears forming in your eyes.

‘well.. as i’ve been trying to tell you for the past month, the cops found my dna on that knife you used to kill mr. hagan.. had my shit on file from some stupid drug charge last year,’ the corners of his mouth curled into a small grin.

‘wh-what?’

‘oh yeah,’ he nods, now towering above you, ‘haven’t left me alone since.. see, at the school, that shithead janitor saw two people running away from the crime scene and they’ve come to the conclusion that i must be involved. i mean, it makes sense, doesn’t it?’ his eyes are dark, menacing.

you’d never been scared of him before. not even when he’d spilled jason’s guts in front of you. but he genuinely terrifying now. as if he was possessed.

‘eddie.. i didn’t- i’m sorry, we can fix this,’ you nod, a desperate attempt to reassure him, ‘hawkin’s police are fucking stupid.. we, we can come up with some story.. i’ll help you.’

‘yeah, you will,’ he laughs and it sounds demonic, nothing like him, ‘see i’m pretty much fucked.. so i had a thought,’ the knife flings around in his hand, still aimed toward you, ‘wouldn’t it be just so killer, heh.. ya’ see what i did there, if mr. ghostface’s final kill was the queen of hawkins.. the invincible girl, no longer invincible.’

your lower lip begins to quiver, tears welling in your eyes. if you weren’t in this predicament you’d throw up. finally understand the terror you’d inflicted on so many people.

‘you don’t have to do this.. there’s still a way out.. for both of us,’ you swallow, trembling as he is mere inches away from you.

‘oh but i do,’ the cold metal of the knife meets your cheek, stinging as the tears inadvertently roll down your face, ‘it was you who dragged me into this fucking mess and just left me to catch the blame on my own.. you don’t get to live if i’m going down.’

you can’t see him clearly at this point, a blurry vision of dark hair and evil, menacing eyes.

you’re angry. angry at yourself for getting into this situation. angry for ever trusting eddie fucking munson. it’s like a fire rising from your stomach. the same rage you felt as nancy begged for her life.

‘i was gonna make him watch,’ he nods his head towards steve, ‘but i don’t think he’ll be waking up anytime soon,’ a roar erupts from his stomach, a psychotic laugh as the knife runs down your cheek surely drawing blood.

‘please,’ you plead, trying one last time to make him listen, just let you go and it could all be forgotten about.

‘n’aww, it’s kinda pathetic that you, of all people are begging for me to save you,’ he laughs again, moving the blade to your exposed neck.

your face scrunches in anger and the back of your forearm comes up to knock the knife out of his hand. it clatters to the floor and you take the opportunity to stand, barging past eddie and going straight for the door.

‘you bitch,’ he spits, jumping up and just about managing to grab onto your sleeve, jerking your back towards him.

his fingers dig into your arm, spinning you around to face him. a ferocity on his face that you hadn’t seen before. he wasn’t even this angry with jason.

his free hand comes up, landing a solid backhanded shot at your face. knocking the wind out of your stomach. you stumble for a moment, trying to ignore the pulsing pain in your head.

in the chaos, you trip over steve’s extended foot, landing on his carpet with a thud. eddie takes advantage of the higher ground, shoving you over fully. dropping to his knees, placing them either side of your rib cage, his full weight on top of you.

you struggle to regain your breath, balling his t-shirt in your fist, mouth wide as your lungs refuse to fill back up.

‘eddie..’ you manage to gasp out, voice hoarse. a desperate plea.

he scoffs, ‘it’s too late.. i can’t help you now,’ his hands come up to your neck, aggressively pressing down against your trachea, knocking any last air from your throat.

his hands tighten. his breathing heavy as your vision goes black from the lack of oxygen. your nails dig into his wrist in a last ditch attempt to get him off of you.

‘this could’ve all been so easy.. this is your fault,’ he frowns, staring down at you as your legs kick out beneath him, ‘i did this.. for you,’ he’s panting as if he was the one being strangled to fucking death.

the fuzzy feeling in your head started to feel good, like there was no point in fighting this anymore. it was almost calming. warm and welcoming.

your eyes close fully, surrounded by darkness and that uncertain feeling of what was to come next. this was it. this was your karma. it was deserved. you’d taken so much from other people, now it was your turn.

eddie’s body is thrown off of you, a jumble of voices invade the room but you’re too weak to even open your eyes. falling into what you assume was a certain death.

-

well, you weren’t dead. the bright white lights pretty much solidified that fact when you opened your eyes. you knew damn well that there were no pearly gates waiting for you on the other side.

you blink, unsure of what you were even looking at. the beeping sound confirms that you were in hospital, the sterile smell filling your nose as you come around.

two heads appear above you, though you can’t fully make out who the fuck it is.

‘ma’am?’ one of the heads calls out, his voice ringing in your ears.

your mouth tastes like metal. dry and gross. it makes you want to barf.

‘ma’am..’ he says, more certain this time, ‘we’d like to ask you some questions about your involvement with an edward munson?’

[laurelnose]

good news! I don’t have a brain tumor 🥰

so basically what happened is

mid-december: i acquire Debilitating Migraine, 10 out of 10 worst pain I’ve felt in my entire fucking life Migraine, worse than the time I spent three weeks recovering from major surgery completely sober because I am inexplicably resistant to just about every class of painkiller I’ve ever tried Migraine. (I actually only rank the surgery experience about a 6 out of 10 on the pain scale.) we get the migraine down to Bad But Manageable by locating several new Christmas light strings that turned out to be flickering at speeds the human eye could not detect but my human brain certainly could and throwing them all out. I make a doctor’s appointment.

last week: I finally see my PCP. she prescribes me a triptan, which is an abortive med that is meant to stop migraine attacks. the triptan decreases the headache but does not remove it entirely. also, the damn thing keeps getting worse again. I try it three times over the week, which is the maximum number of times you’re supposed to take a triptan in a month. almost like you’re not supposed to have more than three headaches in a month or something?? weird. well, technically I haven’t had three. it’s all the Same Damn Headache.

this same day I also pick up a topiramate prescription, which is a preventative. i am advised i can start the topiramate even if i am not pain free. maybe if i give it a day or two it will help even if i am currently having an attack??

wednesday i see my PCP for followup and tell her i am still in pain. she offers to get me squeezed in to have an intramuscular toradol (heavy-duty NSAID) shot. this kicks in within 20 minutes and doubles my migraine pain. I was at 3-ish and now I am at 6 and unhappy about it.

i do not come back down from the level the toradol kicked me up to. i survive thursday by not doing very much of anything.

uh? holy shit? yeah, sure?

friday the pain becomes unbearable. back up to an 8, which isn’t the worst it’s been but it’s also Day Forty Fucking Two and I’m so tired. I leave work early & go to urgent care where they pump me fulla benadryl and dexamethasone. absolutely none of this is fun — the dexamethasone feels like a panic attack and the benadryl makes me dizzy and light-headed + makes it very hard to think of words? what the shit do people take benadryl recreationally for? but! the pain diminishes dramatically. after the IV’s done they get me in for a CT scan and are like hey! you don’t have a brain tumor! (I was not actually worried I had a brain tumor but it’s always nice to rule it out.) but you do have a sinus infection and a bunch of fluid buildup that’s probably triggering the migraine. (really? but I haven’t been congested?) yeah, no, it’s really deep in there. do you wanna do antibiotics and sudafed about that to clear up the fluid?

saturday morning the head pain is back but it’s mild and it feels LIKE A FUCKING SINUS HEADACHE and not a migraine anymore oh my god. Guess what kinds of headaches are fucking fixable and tend not to be intractable and unpreventable. It’s also like, a manageable amount of pain? It hurts but I feel okay?? I get thru work without taking my breaks in the dark with a heat pad? I look at headlights on the dark road coming home and am not immediately debilitated? 😭 Maybe in a week and a half when the antibiotics course is done I will actually just be Fine??

I really shoulda gone to urgent care back in December. Too bad I didn’t quite realize you could go to urgent care for migraines until I’d seen my PCP for the first time and that couldn’t happen earlier bc, well, appointments are hard to come by.

I’m wondering in hindsight if the triptan WAS kicking the migraine more effectively than I thought it was and i couldn’t tell because I had a sinus headache underneath (which kept bringing the migraine back). this also explains why I was getting decent results with Vick’s VapoRub LMAO. Like some people do swear by menthol for migraines but it was probably helping the congestion too.

anyways this is why I’ve been quiet. I will be quiet for a little while longer probably bc the sinus headache is still not fun but it is getting better. in fact i had to get up and eat breakfast to take my antibiotic but it is sunday and i don’t actually want to be awake so i think i’m going back to bed

i am never letting anyone talk me into taking another NSAID ever fucking again.

[nelson-riddle-me-this]

COLUMBO THOUGHTS:

s1e2 "Death Lends A Hand"

Okay so kinda big deal bc I'd skipped this episode in my dedicated series watch I started last year! Not on purpose, but the way I was watching e1 & 2 of season 1 were lumped into one big video file and so I forgot it existed. So really delightful to return to early Columbo and with an episode that was new to me!!

SPOILERS BELOW (for this episode and the other 2 Culp appearances)

As far as performances from series favorite Robert Culp this might be my fave of his! Like he's always exceptionally good at being mean and stern and being annoyed with Columbo, but something about the intensity of this feels different.

With how methodical and premeditated Culp's other two murders are, this one being a 'crime of passion'/manslaughter surprised me. Also THE SLOW-MO GLASS BREAKING AND HER FALLING!!! Like it's visually so cool. And very novel. The overlay shot where we see what Culp does after killing her, but as two different reflections in his glasses on an unmoving face - is very cool. It goes on a bit long, but it's very cool and I expect would be especially novel for audiences in 1971.

The score is by 4-time early Columbo composer Gil Mellé. It's got the spooky quasi-aleatoric spacey murder music thing, and a definite jazz flavor. Both me and the jazzer friend I watched it with were a bit thrown by the sudden capital juh-Jazz that starts when Culp gets into his car after killing this poor woman. Not that *J*azz is inappropriate for that moment, but something about that specific cue undermined the shock and weight of the sequence before. Maybe that's what they wanted, but I doubt it. I hear the blu-ray set that's out has versions of these episodes without music. It'd be a fun project to rescore some of these and fix some of those things that bother me.

Loved the detail of Culp knowing the name of one of his P.I.'s kids - just the sort of detail that helps a story feel 'lived-in'. I was shocked by Columbo playing up the astrology and palm-reading stuff LOL. The show depicts that sort of thing from time to time, but I don't remember Columbo himself hyping it outside of this. Of course it's part of the act to lower their guard, to make them think he's a fool, and as an excuse to get what he's really after (in this case examining the killer's hand and ring).

Ray Milland is fun to see, though part of me thinks he's not quite right in the role. He's not especially sympathetic somehow, which is maybe why they brought him back as a killer in "The Greenhouse Jungle". Some really great comic moments - Columbo complimenting Culp as being a 'man of purpose and intent' and immediately walking into a _closet_ is HILARIOUS. Lots of fun moments too with him snuffing out the golf instructor our victim had an affair with. I also thought it was hilarious that the golf instructor kinda lamely admits that he's not even really good at golf, pulling in women is the only thing he's decent at. Which like wouldn't be so bad if we felt he was a thoroughly charming person. But like it reads less as 'local rich women can't get enough of this studly golf instructor' and 'well I'm not really interested in the golf anyway, and at least he's not my husband - so I guess it's exciting enough. I can tell my bookclub friends I slept with my golf instructor and then I'll be cool.'...

The 'gotchya' is effective and satisfying. The mechanics of it are a bit paint-by-numbers. But this was so early in the run, it probably wouldn't have seemed so if I'd watched it in order. Still, the 'trick the killer into searching for evidence and catch them in the act of that' is worn. But also there's only so many ways for this all to play out!

Good episode, good early Columbo. Also shoutout to the victim cuz how she confronts Culp at his beach house is SOOO SATISFYING!!

[fairyspheres]

so i just finished watching the 2010 last airbender film for the first time in about a decade (i don't know why i did it to myself, either. i thought it'd be funny. jokes on me ig) and it's even worse than i remembered. like, so bad i had to take a break half way through to go do something else bc it was somehow making my fatigue worse. and then i just had to stop last night bc it was exhausting

anyway here are some out of context screenshots that show just how terrible this film is just in case everyone has forgotten or has never seen this thing. i suffered for everyone so no one ever has to watch this flaming pile of crap

love how this looks like they just took a video of poundland sokka and katara, shoved it into photoshop, and accidentally put the outer glow effect on them. truly amazing

look how they massacred my boys

believe it or not, temu iroh (pronounced ee-roh in this shitshow) is the most tolerable character of this circus

she was only just asking for aang's name after they reached the air temple. katara what is wrong with you

this is how i feel about the whole film, budget zhao

golly gee i wonder where the inspiration for this shot came from. surely not a far superior film

fuck you m night shyamalan i hope you step on a uk plug for this

[degendog]

hey! sorry in advanced for kinda spilling my guts, but idk there isnt really anyone else that ive found to talk to about this.

I’m trans masc, and recently, i made something thats like part strap-on, part dildo, and part packer. ive been wearing it and its been a adjustment, but ive been getting used to it.

ive also been trying to get off with it, but that hasnt been going super well. ive been trying to experiment recently, i've only really found that i get off to being called “good boy”, but just saying that to myself hasn't been very effective. (i tend to peek within the first 30 seconds, then go into something short of a depresive spiral for like 4-7 business days, which is why ive put off really trying anything until now.) so would you have any tips?

:3

hey man you’re all good. no shame in needing advice from horny transgenders on the internet lol.

im going to assume you’re pre-t bc of the macgyvered packer-dildo-strap, which i am very intrigued by if you’re willing to describe how that works. like. are you hard packing all the time? is it like a pack n play? did you make something yourself and if so what material? <-that’s more of a question for safety/hygiene reasons lol

everyone has a different relationship to jacking off pre-t. i barely ever jacked off bc it didn’t feel good before and id be crippled with dysphoria every time i stuck a hand in my pants. a pre t dude i know is wayyyy hornier than i am now. there’s no shame in whatever libido you have, especially considering how dysphoria can affect it.

my advice: take some of the pressure to cum off yourself. it’s okay if you don’t cum when you jack off, particularly if you’re trying something new. forcing yourself to chase an orgasm isn’t fun when it’s every time (forced orgasms are hot, but only when it’s fun for everyone involved). let yourself try shit out and see what feels good. look at ftm porn if you need ideas—particularly amateur work. there’s a lot on various subreddits, but i’d avoid r/ftmspunished (which is a transmasc kinky subreddit) for at least a while bc way too much of the content on there is feminization. not helpful when you’re trying to feel comfortable sexually as a man.

seriously though, looking at porn is a great way to find out what you’re into and what gets you going. i mostly look at amateur porn bc it’s less perfect and closer to reality to me. there’s usually less fantasy involved, so it’s easier to imagine yourself in that scenario. you can watch videos of other trans guys jacking off and try to copy their movements, for example.

as for the 30-second peak followed by the week of depression, that sounds like a high libido impacted by good old standard issue dysphoria to me. i actually had pretty bad bottom dysphoria myself up until a few months ago, even after years on t. what helped me learn to love my anatomy was realizing that i’m not a lesser man just because i’m trans. i don’t have to be a last resort. people can be attracted to me for me, including my transness. (and then i got a really fucking good blowjob recently that further confirmed that lol so. worth a shot). you’re not a lesser man because you’re trans, and you and your dick are still worthy of love.

also. for the love of god do not everyday pack with a dildo unless you have one of the specially made ones. use a rolled up sock as a packer if you can’t get a silicone one. i’ve been using a sock packer for like six years.

much love man

[bluesey-182]

this might be tmi but it's my blog so who cares. I've been on the depo provera birth control shots for.... 3? 4? years now. which isn't great bc it's highly recommended not to take it for more than 2 years, but alas it's the only thing that treats my endometriosis. so every 3 months i go in for a new shot, and there's a 3 week window to get it, but i have to get it at the beginning of the window bc the pain comes back so fast. but far the last year it's like the window of relief is gettting shorter. now the 3 weeks leading up to the 3 week window is so painful, so it's more like im only getting 2 months of relief at a time and a month of pain again. and i haven't had a period in years bc of the shots but sometimes it's like it's almost worse to be experiencing all this pain for no reason bc im not even bleeding. and on the one hand i guess it's a benefit if the endo is getting worse and can't continue to be treated with depo bc then i have more leverage to get a hysterectomy like I've wanted for years. but on the other hand i left a hangout tonight with some friend here from out of town and i couldn't even walk out to the car without having to stop every few feets to lean against something and fight to breathe through the pain and then i cried in the car on the way home. and my other chronic pain is also getting to the point where nothing i do offers any real relief. so overall my chronic pain, both endo and whatever the fuck makes the rest of my body hurt so fucking bad, is steadily getting worse and disabling me more and it's just. honestly devastating. but also it's really upsetting to me that the side effects of taking depo for more than 2 years is loss in bone density and minerals that can lead to osteoporosis, and increased chances of breast cancer and like. yup, this is the only thing that treats my fucking disease. but also im "too young to get a hysterectomy"

[clonerightsagenda]

Finished Lockwood & Co!

Jonathan Stroud does it again. It was lighter fare than Bartimaeus, but still a lot of fun, and I think it's funny that a series jampacked with corpses, lovingly described, actually had the happier ending of the two. It's clear that Stroud has ideas he likes coming back to (the journey to another world inimicable to human life, snarky trapped spirits, possession, graverobbing, adults thinking sworn rivalries with literal children is fine and normal, etc.)

Some initial thoughts so far:

Will Lucy keep her talents as she gets older? Marissa did but she's obviously a weird case, but Gale did too. Does it have to do with Other Side exposure? Or Gale just happened to be one of the rare people who do, which is mentioned a few times, in which case maybe Lucy will be as well since it's mentioned how rare and strong her talent is. Or she can retire with honor in a few years and will have to find a different job.

I'm wondering if Ezekiel was really a ghost.... the name and its appearance struck me as rather Biblical, and it seemed to know a lot of interesting secrets about messing with the natural order of life and death. (The bolded text and the relationship with Marissa reminded me of both the spirit of the ring and Ammet and Khaba from The Ring of Solomon.) Of course it WAS still tied to a Source so maybe it was just another dead human, perhaps one that fed off other ghosts like Marissa did which made it so strange and powerful. Meanwhile the skull is particularly powerful due to a bad attitude alone. The kind of ghost I would be.

Also wondering how plasm was working in the last book... touching ectoplasm kills, but Marissa was able to possess her descendant's body and touch Ezekiel. Side effects of the plasm drinking, maybe? Or maybe ghosts don't have to kill you with a touch, it's just we've only met asshole ghosts so far? Or it's a Type three Thing. This is a pressing question bc it seems like Lockwood & Co may have a spectral colleague (thrilled about this) and 'I accidentally bumped into my coworker and now I need an adrenaline shot before I puff up and die' is not a great workplace environment even if that's how I feel about encounters with my boss. Also why isn't adrenaline a standard part of agents' kits? Maybe it's expensive, or their rough and tumble jobs would break the vials and needles.

Holly is a lesbian! Good for her and shame she had a crush on a girl who was so unnecessarily mean to her. Sounds like she has a gf now though. Lucy is assembling a very bizarre and mutually hostile polycule over the course of her adventure. A four way dinner date would leave no survivors.

So Marissa flooded the country with ghosts and sacrificed hundreds or thousands of lives for a beauty treatment. A bit more banal than I'd expected but 'lust for immortality' is a very common villain motivation. Especially in kids' books. They put her body in the silver/lead coffin so she shouldn't be able to come back but she could still be out there on the other side....... eating ghosts...

Lmao at the repeated references to Kipp's advanced age of 22 .

These are my immediate pre-work thoughts. I would say I would ponder it more at work but if the week continues as it has been, I will not have time.

[tea-and-finalfantasy]

been watching markiplier, etc. as background noise, as stuff to watch when i’m not feeling good physically or mentally

and one vid i watched (“watched” as in it’s horror so i just listen to it lol)--at dead of night--has a lot of characters that are morally grey and stuff like that

and the premise is there’s this guy named jimmy (evil alter ego named hugo) who does all these horrible things but we later find out it’s bc he’s literally being possessed by the ghost of his abusive father (or the ghost of like a centuries long abuse cycle situation?)

and while the morally grey characters who were slandered and murdered by jimmy (hugo) in the past are still justified imo? bc they’re being injured and threatened by someone, they just don’t know it’s bc he’s possessed? some youtube comments were a bit funny to me (like genuinely kinda funny to read)

*game content mentions an accusation of sexual assault, murder, harm to animals, etc. and my post mentions sexual assault, medical malpractice, some outdated terms or ableist language BUT the last two paragraphs are generally free from that/highlight what’s interesting to me abt the youtube comments if u wanna skip the text

one dude (harvey) was really violent towards jimmy and threatened him with a gun (not with the intention to shoot, just to scare him out of the hotel) but that was after jimmy almost killed him by electrocution, shot a crossbow bolt through his leg, etc so like. yeah he was violent but after jimmy was violent towards him

i do not fault him for choosing violence or reacting that way. some people were weird abt him and were like “oh but he’s being violent too!” but like. yeah?? i would be if all this shit was happening plus other guest deaths due to jimmy??

but when it comes to dr. bose like. i get being wary of his character because drs can exert control over their patients. i get wanting to look more into jimmy’s accusation of sexual assault. but not only was the scrapbook of news articles mentioned about both accusations (that he was being beaten and that he was being assaulted), meaning both accusations seemed to be word-for-word what was in the newspapers,

when harvey confronted jimmy about making up that story about dr. bose beating him with a paddle to take the medicine AND THEN that he molested him, jimmy’s response was to laugh? so like. if we wanna be skeptical of harvey bc he already doesn’t like jimmy then ok but i dunno, jimmy’s response didn’t seem in line with the kind of response someone would have if they were telling the truth

BUT ALSO in regards to how drs work--

this is in a time period where force was regularly exerted on patients and he never did so in the way that we’d expect--and tbh force is still regularly exerted on patients? it never went away, it just changed in some aspects?

people still restrain patients, forcefully medicate them etc. so while i get being skeeved out by dr. bose chasing jimmy around with a syringe and (rightfully) being of the opinion that you can’t force meds on a patient (which i don’t think dr. bose did? he tried to enforce it in a strange way but might not’ve even administered it?)--

i feel like that’s when you’d be like. ok can some other character call the police. can dr. bose call other doctors in here for a second opinion LIKE my issue wouldn’t entirely be with his methods bc he never resorted to the kind of force we usually see for this time period?

like yeah i’d think chasing someone around a hotel w a syringe is bad, even if he didn’t go further w it, but ppl aren’t really mentioning that part so like? we’re not even neutral on this man for the right reason???

but i think for me, the funny comment was abt ppl going “um diazepam is a sedative, it’s not made for what dr. bose assumed was jimmy’s condition, it wasn’t the right drug, he must’ve been trying to sedate him to assault him--” and i’m like. babes.

tell me you’ve never gone to the doctor IN MODERN DAY NO LESS with symptoms and had them say smtn to the effect of huh that’s weird?? try this i guess?

like not only can drs not necessarily prescribe the correct thing all the time--

ex. a past dr who sort of listened to my issues, prescribed me a med, the med worked for some symptoms but gave me such an increase in anxiety that we had to stop--but we didn’t try anything else which was the weird part

yeah she wasn’t great in the first place BUT i wasn’t sure if i had adhd? and she was maybe treating me for depression or anxiety? and then the anxiety got worse and we just dropped it, rather than seeking out answers as to what actually was happening?? 

so like i got a med, don’t remember what we were trying to treat, it sort of worked in a way and didn’t in another, ??? like drs don’t necessarily get it right every time--

but sometimes u get prescribed stuff bc they don’t know what you need or because it might actually work for something not listed

yeah diazepam is listed as an anti-seizure med and/or an anxiety med but who knows if dr. bose thought an anxiety med would help--even if only we know as the viewers that jimmy actually has anxiety/depression and it’s ghost related/dr. bose doesn’t necessarily know or expect that. just bc it lists anti-seizure doesn’t mean he’s giving him a random med

i take clonazepam for anxiety--specifically severe agoraphobia at one point--and it’s listed as an anti-seizure med and an anxiety med. not only does it not specifically mention agoraphobia (although it solved that issue in a way my everyday anxiety med doesn’t, despite it also being an anxiety med), just bc it says it’s for seizures doesn’t mean that’s what i’m taking it for

plus like, only we know narratively that these issues are being caused by a haunting/possession. no med would be likely to work anyways but i can’t blame dr. bose for being like let’s try a sedative at the moment to see if that stops him from putting glass in ppls sandwiches and killing animals and harming other guests while we figure out the root of his issue and try and prescribe something else later

it feels like the difference between “let’s try this for the moment to see if it eases certain behaviors” (okay, open to changing meds, not a permanent decision) versus like “we gotta sedate this kid” (not okay, implies the patient is like. “lol fucked up,” not likely to be taken back and switched for something else)

PLUS, given the time period, even dr. bose with the best intentions is probably reliant on sedatives for patients. like i don’t want to imply that’s all they have without prior research but it’s like the long lists of why ppl were in asylums and it ranges from like. incorrectly diagnosed issues/outdated terms for actual problems to like. she acts inappropriately

and that still happens! my sister went to an outpatient place once and they

A. gave her meds without telling her the risks/side-effects (for example, if u miss a dose YOU CANNOT TAKE THE SAME DOSE THE NEXT DAY U HAVE TO START FROM THE LOWEST DOSE) + seemed to just? give her meds???

B. grouped literally anyone in there and did not give specialized care to anyone. it literally was like. here are people who are having very different issues that cannot benefit from this bc it’s just? not catering to anyone’s specific problems? you had someone who was forced to get an abortion, someone who had anger issues, someone like my sister who was having mental health issues due to ppl ignoring her physical health issues

like i’m not suprised that for the time period in the game, a doctor, even with the best intentions, would immediately prescribe a sedative. that doesn’t implicate dr. bose in anything else and while it’s definitely an issue with the time period, i don’t think we can blame him in particular for that + he does seem to genuinely try to help jimmy and i don’t think a lot of the

and like in no way are any of these yt comments ableist, it’s not that serious, but it is funny to me as someone who’s like yeah sometimes u trial meds, sometimes something could work although it’s not specifically for that thing, a lot of the time, without specialist intervention, u just test stuff out and hope it works or names what’s not being resolved, at worst ppl prescribe things too generally and medical services can be extremely abusive, which isn’t even necessarily showcased in the game--

like what do u mean ur surprised that got prescribed or that u assume it’s for SA reasons not like. The Med Of The Time/over-reliance on sedatives in general or bc medicine as a practice is like damn that’s weird, try this i guess

like what do u mean ur not aware this is how it is lol

[lazaruspiss]

watching batman ninja and taking notes bc idk how to focus <3 spoilers under the cut

batman ninja is a wild movie already but harleys design fucks

smth smth. everyone got sent to generally the same time/location with variation, time can vary by years (selina was sent 2 years before bruce) but probably not decades and id assume location varies to anywhere within a certain range of whatever island in japan that this is on.

nightwing and red hood were teamed up separately from batman before the blast that sent everyone back by the look of it. cute.

i wanna see ivyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy- DEATHSTROKE IS HERE?

ohh ok. time difference was based off of proximity/order that they were sucked in, making batman the last to show. a few minutes become years, everyone else were def much closer in timing but even a few seconds mightve made weeks difference in how far back they were sent.

lords alluded to so far: joker, penguin, ivy, deathstroke, two-face

mz ivy im in love w u

"once my fortress is complete, itll be my time to strike. yeahhh" OLD MAN. BOOMER. he says yeah like an adult actor playing a teen in an anti-drug ad campaign.

the lord intros are so fun actually

i love selinas little puppet, not a fan of bruces general disposition.

ok bruce looks better with the beard. also alfred what the fuck. how. and lmao. alfred. "lets go on a japan trip we get back."

HARLEYYYYY SHES SO CUTE. is this tara. i think its tara. love her.

classic "stop me or save the civilian trick" smh

congrats to bane on bulking up i guess? anyways. wheres the others. im bored of batman. i do love the little chibi batman who forcibly ejects bruce, someone mustve added a fail safe specifically for bruce being dumb and self destructive.

the lip syncing is off, is this a dub?

DICKIE!! anime hair... and dick's anime bf/leader of the ninjas.

"how do we regain the advantage when we have nothing" bruce. bruce. the whole squad is here + a ninja army. girl.

DAMIAN? oh hes still cute.

monkee :) hes so silly

so tims swords are just for decoration then? weirdo. joker gets his ass beat, whatever. tim states the obvious. backstab fest. im bored again.

"joker!! you'll kill yourself!!" "that's the point, lmao"

35 min in, still no red hood. just establishing shots to explain that each lord has the special time sticks.

"i didnt know who i was after i lost my car" could you be anymore pathetic. he isnt even cute pathetic, hes just "id push him into a puddle" pathetic. stop brooding you boring bitch. oh thank god. he acknowledges that he has other people carrying his ass. red hood still hasn't shown up, not even for bruces go team speech.

ACK. THE CUT IN ART. SO PRETTY. ill probably make another post for screenshots.

red hood time. finally. jason the buddhist monk and his joker hunt sidequest. a part of jasons lashing out at harley is framed in a way that makes it look like a sexual assault imo, so it's giving some mixed emotions. like if this turns out to just be some regular farmers this would be a "stranger breaks in and gropes your wife while threatening you" kinda deal. i mean they went ass shot to jason grabbing her and holding her like. ack. like hes holding her like that so he can break her arm but u gotta trust me it looks Bad. not to just narrate the entire scene but its a lot. jason's pissed and scary, the art is very pretty, im sacred and a little. you know. youve seen me post you know how i am.

this movie kinda. i personally think it wouldve looked better in 2d.

"if you knew him like i did" bruce... also mr j and harley are fully amnesiac so jason the effectively traumatize 2 strangers for no reason. jokerquinn gets a happy ending by becoming farmers. "we'll take them back with us-" NO??? THIS IS LITERALLY THEIR HAPPY ENDING?? THIS IS THEIR BEST/ONLY SHOT AND TRUE REHABILITATION BRUCE. BRINGING THEM BACK WOULD BE PURE STUPIDITY AND/OR SELFISHNESS.

jason saying bruce but bruce saying red hood...

whoops. they still remember, so bruce is just a dumb hoe who thought he and joker had something special.

why are there penguins here. like actual penguins. and why does slade have a gf.

red hood has my fav voice acting of the boys tbh, the others sound a bit clunky. and is ivy also tara. she sounds a bit like tt03 raven.

mech battle. slade is still hot. even if he is a cringe old man. HARVEY BUDDHA BOT?

dami should get to keep his monkey friend. as a treat.

THIS ISNT SKYRIM I DONT THINK HORSES CAN RUN LIKE THAT

ok two face is funny. coin said i gotta beat ur ass now. literal "switching on a dime" behavior

hi welcome back to robot wars. fight scenes are really hit or miss for me, i love em or i fall asleep. smth smth. joker moment. clowns doing the heavy lifting. and where is harley getting her hair dye from, or is that a wig?

fun fact! red spider lilies (the flower growing from jokers gas bomb) symbolize death <3

aaaaand we're back to mech battles. voltron assemble or whatever.

dami almost gets squished trying to save monkey

bruce. bruce are you having an autism event or are you being rude on purpose. anyways give the dues ex macina to dami he deserves it more. baby boy can play the flute so good <3

"momi?" "whos she" a monkey friend tim. obviously.

THE MONKEYS ARE HELPING HIM PLAY IM GONNA LOSE IT. thats so unrealistic but its sooooooooo cute.

m. monkey.

damian is having the time of his life fr

damian is no longer having the time of his life

bats. bat monkey. b. batman? how.

fire no match for batman made of monkeys and bats. anime punch.

Nightwing Vs Penguin, Red Hood Vs Deathstroke, Red Robin Vs Two Face, Robin Vs Poison Ivy

damian that was not a joke. A for effort tho.

ok so the amnesia WAS real but smth smth plant magic.

joker that is not what a joke is. you're worse that damian.

4 barrels, who do you think you are deathstroke. the guy who killed the prime minister of japan? HARLEY? harley. this frame gets its own post she straight up licked her. and thats a lot of bare monkey ass. blah blah they blow up robot. "keep your tongue to yourself" blushing rn

batjokes sword fight, im bored again. joker has a boner. who give a shit. bruce bores me in that special way of his. i am once again reminded about why i can only ever pay attention to him when Dick is involved. if someone else doesnt show up soon my eyes are gonna roll back into my head. joker is not funny enough to make this interesting. hes kinda hot tho. is it just me or are the animators losing steam towards the end of this. im. im bored. oh i missed the fans, those were cool, its nice to see them one last time. blah blah kill joker- wait a minu- ok nvm. coward. batjokes should die together an share a grave. in main canon even.

gonna cry over monkichi brb. at least he has monmi. his sister? gf? both?

ok so by the credits i assume this movie was originally in japanese. anyways. after credits. bruce does wayne stuff, selina does catwoman things. pfft. old style batcart dents a strangers car.

harley and ivy were tara strong ofc, and apparently jason and dami shared a VA, i didnt even notice that. so did dick and alfred. and grodd and deathstroke. a lot of double casting.

[art-i-know-yes]

SPOILERS FOR LIMITED LIFE

also someone drop a compilation of skizz's affirmations

Jimmy's Ep

I didn't watch everyone from last week anyway

5 MINUTES IN

THIS IS MAKING ME NAUSEOUS

me sobbing every five minutes of fear even though i know it's his last

I'm shaking

bdubs is a savior

plz get off the bread bridge it's a single file line

grian's popping off

anytime someone's near the edge I get nauseous

the podcast gets their kills

joel got 2 people

54 minutes

I'm not joking I'm physically sick

...jim...babe...wtf

can't WAIT to see this from Grian's pov

Canary curse continues

dumbest person alive/lh

i hate him/j

awww it's the fact that it ISN'T on purpose not even a bit

AWWW

i love him so

was rooting for him rip

Tango's Ep

"is it a pet"

oh so that was just...there

at the end of this every base is just hung to be flooded

"i think I'm gonna hand back"

seal team ties *falls*

it's panic from everyone

"im...a... perfectly honest person" *side eye*

impulse turns red and was like "im filled with guilt"

scott got the good shots

back to yellow scott

omg my heart. Tango why would you cut like that

Grian solo

bread bridge is carnage

"Yeah my guy I needed that time"

impulse is eagle eyes for those minecarts

bdubs is luck incarnate

sky net is the exact same problem as bread bridge and my mental health CAN'T

2nd kill from bad boys

Grian was farming kills from bread bridge 2.0

there wasn't even a death message

THE LOAF

the silence after

JOEL

it's the silence from all of ties as the do this

scott is GETTING those kills

is skizz out out?!

oh good he's ok just playing his

SKIZZ

tears...beautiful...thunder

down to tie

they're surrounded

bad boys aren't playing

aw joel at the VERY end

a WHAT 30...omg

TIME FOR MARTYN

scott just can't wait

the boom effect

babe said i'll give you time to change that

but they're anyways jumping

fake beds

everyone's so jumpy

"you feel like a dad for figure, I'll take it" "No we already did the soulmate thing"

an exhausted "No! You're not getting a new dead"

then making fun of ties

ohhh so scar was given that kill

oooooo sneaky

"how about Martyn" *GULP*

"because I'm bored"

'safe'

"and a tnt minecart" "oooh"

"me?! im not telling you that"

is that his joel died

Martyn being salty about the glass pane is so funny

ohh that was Jimmy's frantic grab

oh he felt bad

was that the 2nd one

it was

martyn's sneaky this episode

jumpscare

break time to mourn

to be a fly in that discord to HEAR jimmy explain himself

ominous

*sigh* watcher's will be done

did i miss lore last episode

"game on" *death* "game off"

sky net was WILD

like the ground is like nearly unscathed

ok so that's what happened

"bye martyn!"

the mansion was always a massive death zone

i was right! on Joel's death being by the glass

i was so curious about what that was

"im saying it's-spacious"

"don't blame me! i shouted move!"

the carnage is wild

oh he only killed himself

'i could really use that affirmation right now'

why do you want grian?

poor joel

"oh. dear."

'tatters'

oooo joel

SCOTT GOT JOEL OUT

ohh he gained that hour only to lose it

at the beginning of this, even just 2 sessions ago, it was really looking like skizz and scar being the first 2

but we lost 3 and got lore

^^^these three were done the night of^^^

Grian's video is too long for my unfocused self rn and i need to consume different media before i can watch Scott's despite it being short so it's got to be later for them.

Grian's Ep

Scott's Ep

im in mourning already. time to watch the final bad boy.

"what the arrows doing"

THEY FOUND THE BASE

ok well that explains a few things

grian could not let this go

rip the podcast

"maybe" bc it was such a foolproof plan

oh i didn't even notice that he called him jimmy

grian was off doing a solo podcast and just popped off

i love his happy/evil screams

lost about 2-3 hours to the podcast alone but like yeah

it's like every season grian gets one kill that gets him REALLY excited (i almost remember nothing about last life)

bdubs was a real one for that

don't you worry grian

Jimmy's the sadistic one?

oh grian is quick with it

bread bridge mvp

nauseous grian nauseous

"the family"

grian's squealies

idk if i can watch this again *sobs* /lh

it's bc i know that it's cause he stopped crouching that he WALKED OFF

painful every time rip bad boy

grian's cackling is so much fun

AH they put their mourning back on

i love this funeral awww

JOEL

god my favorite part of this server is just when they LOOK UP and you can see all the bridges

back to bigb he's fun

THE DOGS

"AH THE BREAD"

"can you be a nosy neighbor" "You don't wanna be a bad boy?"

"mine are dying or dead"

they are all bad at making allies

time to point and laugh at martyn

good 'ol amnesia cold

he's accepted that Joel is also dying this ep

jimmy dies first, Joel becomes a psychopath--things happen

"if i don't say bye im gonna regret it"

Joel is just like grian you can get this kill

grian-lightheaded lightheaded l- myheart

joel is PLAYING

don't play on the bridge scar

"breathe breathe"

so THAT'S what caused it

omg grian was racking up more than i thought-- that's another hour

it is nice that they were thinking about giving hours for each other

gotta give that update to Joel

"oh scar--force of habit-- joel"

bread bridge 2 is literally the most op

"*gasp* he's got 11 minutes left"

like the moment you left him alone

scar has gotten better at mlp buckets

"im gonna kill pufferfish" "can keep it alive for fun!"

scar bargaining

SCOTT KILLED JOEL 3 TIMES

"im not gonna kill you again you need to survive!"

joel becomes more and more hysterical with every death

"grian it's not going well-" His final words

he wasn't going to do it anyway

he always has. good words good words

bad boy forever at heart

that was a TRUE allyship bad boys till the END

rip bad boys joining the nosey neighbors

(im a bad boy at heart)

he was everywhere this session

scott was a monster this ep

oh so that's where he went

he didn't want that boogie death

scott is so observant

the fact that Scott managed to make so many allies while everyone else is enemies

awwww skizz

therapy but like fun

'stunning, beautiful, jaw-dropping, outstanding'

"i said i was gonna fight but-"

"i wasn't- meaning to!"

it's like the only times Scott has died is because he let them (except for Grian's kills)

impulse's shaky "you are the nicest guy ever"

I think I wanna try to keep count of Scott's kills- i'll be inaccurate though

there's so much happening

they did chase him down

omg god it was everyone

scott is shmovin

just turn it into a challenge arena

"why'd your voice go high Joel" "cause I'm scared scott" that is so funny to me

oh I didn't even notice that Joel killed scar. somehow.

SCOTT KILLED JOEL 4. TIMES. INCLUDING THE FINAL KILL.

9 kills total this ep (i think) 4 of which were joel

that was. a lot.

rip bad boys. so while if Grian wins, it will be a bad boy win- i do not care.

but ah now. i kinda hope the mean gills win. i wonder how lore will happen if Martyn wins. considering last season Scott gave the win to pearl (even if they both technically won bc soulmates)

i also hope ties win.

this, surprisingly, has been like the most loyal season.

tbh i don't care as long as someone i watch wins bc that's a team win. but also very excited to see who wins, even if it isn't someone i watch.

time to watch empires now. so many villain arcs

[nathank77]

11/5/25

11:07 a.m

Sleep was unexpectedly wonderful last night. I fell asleep fast on my normal dosage. Maybe it's cause I worked out.... I mean but I was at the gym at like 9:30 in the morning until around 11 a.m. I'm just glad I slept well..

I'm doing laundry which is annoying... I cleaned the dryer. I have my towels in. I got about 3 loads... but I want to do my bedding.. I don't think it's possible... imma see what i can accomplish. I hope it is.

As I usually do, I'd do the laundry today, my normal clothing and then I'd do the bedding the day after... but I got to go to the gym tomorrow before my testosterone shot. I want to go to the gym now but I'm actually sore from the gym. Mostly my legs. A little in my arms and shoulders. I'm targeting my arms, shoulders, pecs, and that's it right now. Hopefully my stomach fat falls off and then I'll work on abs.... if not that's cool I'll be adorable no matter how my body looks in a couple months. I wish I could go today but I can't lose the time bc I got to stay on the laundry machines...

Riley peed in the house after going outside.... Idk why it's not like her at this point. And she peed in the kitchen... also not like her. She does it in the living room. I wish my mother would rehome her. Her aid is here now and all she's doing is barking and whining. It makes my at home situation stressful. I love going to the gym, I don't have to be at my house. But I hate running and unfortunately it's important.

I'm still thinking about chlorestoral medication... idk what to do... I don't want gout. It's caused by a build up of uric acid.... Certian chlorestoral medications cause it. And my cardiologist isn't a bloodwork guy... maybe i could ask for a drug to lower uric acid... but then I have two drugs that cause side effects lol

Also I was thinking muscle pain is a side effect of most medications like dry mouth... but the statins are scary bc they can cause myopathy... and just the idea of it triggers anxiety.

I've had a few muscle spasms the last couple days. I'd blame the statin but as of tomorrow it's been a week since I took it. From my research it could be a couple things causing the spasms and muscle related issues from statins. Coq10... which is why I went to 30mg... also ca+ leaks... I have a feeling I'm a ca+ leaker... my Dr is urging me to try something else. They believe I'm statin intolerant.

Unfortunately I don't really know bc my anxiety is so high that it doesn't stand a chance. I can almost make my muscles spasms if I think too hard about it. It sucks.

My wrist still hurts. My scan still isnt covered. I have to try to get assistance.... I might call my dad today or tomorrow not for money just to talk bc our conversation went so well last time. I want to connect with someone.

I still want to share my brain scan with someone. I also wish I had a disc drive for my Mac... it sucks.... I had to go out to a place to view my brain scan. Also it seems like they missed one side of my head but idk it could just be position... bc they were looking at my ears.. and they got the top, back, side, all kinds of pictures. I've been having fun identifying anatomy parts on my scan but I really wish I could use the program on my Mac. I just don't have the money to get a disc drive and then when I think what else could I use it for?

1) nothing. No one uses cds anymore. I'd never watch a movie on my Mac unless my electric was out but then I wouldn't watch a movie on my Mac bc it would be a power source to charge my phone.......... I mean disc drives are getting phased out. I have apple music and even if I didn't.... id use YouTube or Spotify........ so if I got a disc drive it would only be for my brain scan...

I had bad anxiety last night. I always have bad anxiety. It was like once all my daily stuff was done and I ate and started to relax I was stuck in my barricade with my shitty mother. And yea

[rata-novus]

‎‎‎‎‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎better late than never!

༄₊ ⊹🎃✧˖°. ☾ october/horror 2024 watches ☽ ༄˖°.🍂.ೃ࿔*:･

‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

🎃 Senritsu Kaiki File Kowasugi (10/7-x) overall, not what i expected, but not bad. only got thru half the series in spooky month, will finish eventually.

ep1 (10/7): kinda slow, but not boring. the final shot of the woman in the doorway gave me goosebumps.

ep2 (10/10): first third/half SUPER effective for me, esp the whole part where ichikawa's flashlight would turn off at the same point in the room. creepy. but then the last part was genuinely ?????? super intriguing but idk really what happened? the metaphysical/scifi aspects weren't ~scary~ to me but i keep thinking abt the episode so

ep3 (10/10): monster horror isnt my thing so eh, but the revelation at the end that those 2 characters are slowly turning into kappa like its an infection was neat.

ep4 (10/11): favorite so far, loved the spatial/time manipulation. but the scene of them time traveling. lol. lmao even.

ep5 (10/11): really liking how each episode is its own thing but clearly pointing to something bigger connecting everything. real curious abt what kudo "sees" since his coma incident.

ep6 - 10: DNF. didn't grip me compared to other stuff i wanted to watch, will finish at my own pace eventually.

──────────────୨ৎ────────────── ꒦꒷⭑ ࣭ ๋︶꒦꒷︶꒦꒷⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦ ──────────────୨ৎ──────────────

🎃 milk and serial (10/12) liked. flew by, didn't feel like an hour+. mc was super creepy & unhinged. acting felt real & natural. liked the twists. i think naomi & link finding milk's box w/ address to his torture shack was by his design. sequel maybe?

🎃 the void (10/12) liked. FANTASTIC practical effects, wowzers. kinda okay story, more aesthetics than plot but w/e. BIG silent hill vibes though a cult facilitating a "god" to be born, resurrection/reincarnation, physical manifestations of guilt and grief, etc. but like.... spacey/cosmic horror. v different from most mid-2010s or even modern day horror and i appreciate that.

🎃 the empty man (10/13) idk. intriguing but i really dont get the whole part about the people committing suicide. i feel like this is one of those movies i need to deep dive ppls meta analysis to really ~get it~. bc i don't really. honestly my favorite part was the very beginning w the freaky skeleton. what is he transmitting............

🎃 noroi: the curse (10/13) eh. kinda slow. unclear on certain plot points: what was the significance of kana being psychic and drawing that symbol/face/mask? what's up with the boy - another medium? hori was v distracting and borderline exploitative. liked how the seemingly disjointed segments started to connect together, but unfortunately didnt go all the way (see ? above) and too much unresolved. seen better japanese horror and found footage horror tbh sorry

🎃 late night with the devil (10/14) first off -1000000 for using genAI fuck that. second, god the beginning was as boring & cringey as a real late night talk show. which like, yeah ofc but also. i dont want to watch that so no ty. but lilly's appearance at the end was v cool, split head, coursing electrical energy. really liked that a lot. overall better than i thought it was gonna be, but just to the side of okay.

🎃 lake mungo (10/19) quite sad. being haunted by your future death reminds me of nell from haunting of hill house. alice meeting with the psychic and seeing from the perspective of her ghost in the future, paralleled with her mother in the future doing the same and not sensing alice anymore.... big sad. :( some of the spooky stuff did get to me. the recording of alice seeing her future dead body and the reveal that the neighbor was lurking in the house in one of the recordings especially. wtf grossssssss. overall more sad than scary, but i liked it. more effective for me than i thought it would be after reading reddit posts hating it. i feel like i need to be a defender of it now lmao

──────────────୨ৎ────────────── ꒦꒷⭑ ࣭ ๋︶꒦꒷︶꒦꒷⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦ ──────────────୨ৎ──────────────

🎃 midnight mass overall: forgive me father for i have sinned 🫦 -- dunno if it unseats hill house as my favorite flanagan show but damn it was fantastic.

ep1 (10/19): interesting. if i didnt already know it was abt vampires id be scratching my head rn. the final shot of the cats on the beach was laughable, and thats coming from a sensitive bitch who cant stand animal deaths in horor & frequently uses doesthedogdie lmao ....... rahul kohli can absolutely get it tho

ep2 (10/20): ok first off that whole bit about "pregnant people" was weird af and completely unnecessary. coulda just normalized inclusive language but instead we gotta draw attention to "umm actually ☝️🤓 its usually pregnant women". w/e. -- i think the cats were killed as sustenance (neck wounds), but idk abt the dog being poisoned? the vamp(s) just trying to get rid of the animals on the island so they dont act odd/pick up on the vamps? or smth specifically targeting that one guy, by the nun lady? hmm. -- was the (i presume) vamp stalking the pregnant lady from her house to the clinic bc it could sense her breakthru bleeding??? uew. -- the mimic of the voice near the end was a banger omg so creepy, and i love the reflective eyes v v v good. -- re leeza walking, something in the wine???

ep3 (10/20): is monsignor pruitt this new father paul????? fountain of youth ayoooo. but is he the vampire? nah hes the renfield aint he. what was with the trunk of dirt? ohhh ancestral soil ofc -- theory: the sheriff is gonna be the one to cotton on to smth being wrong bc he doesnt go to the church/drink the wine -- the scene between leeza & joe was so powerful, wow..... -- was father paul poisoned like the dog? kinda bummed if hes dead for good i thought for sure he was gonna be one of the (the only?) antagonists nvm lol, immortal? -- also comparing a vampire to an angel, esp in this context, is sick as hell, love that -- honestly getting big salems lot vibes which i do NOT hate at all tbh, also a bit of exorcist thrown in with the middle east and ruins and smth ~evil~ there

ep4 (10/21): ohhh is monsignor turning into a vampire? sun sensitivity.... -- noooo poor joe :( -- what is up with erin's "miscarriage"/never having been pregnant and her blood reacting to the sun when afair she never drank the wine? -- and riley too damn........

ep5 (10/21): oh hey well guess thats where the title comes from lol -- not, like, super duper crazy with the loooooong chunks of monologue tbh. sometimes it hits like with riley & monsignors back and forth over guilt but other times ehhhh -- speaking of, anyone else down bad for the priest or just me? ok nvm -- so far it seems the og vamp only ate from the stray cats, bowl (bill) and riley so far (maybe the mayor & wife but unclear), and it seems like its been a couple weeks since it arrived so the hunger must not be THAT insatiable, for like 99% of the town population to remain (relatively) unharmed? like, if everyone or even just MOST of them are turned, who they gonna eat? -- on the one hand riley being greeted in death by the uninjured form of the girl he killed in a car crash is beautiful. oh the other hand subjecting the love of your life to watching you burn to fucking death and now shes gonna row back to land with ur smoldering corpse is like. supremely fucked up riley. like i get that erin has to ~see to believe~ but what the hell man. the credits rolling and listening to her screams..... D:

ep6 (10/31): so it's not just the consumption of a vampires blood that makes one a vampire, but death as a catalyst for resurrection. holy shit i love that, flanagan you mad man. -- oh shiiiiit mildred shooting former lover priest in the head damn bitch okay -- bev you pussy ass bitch wont even drink the poison smh my head

ep7 (10/31): "it never felt like a sin, you never felt like a sin and our daughter was never a sin" aoughhhh this got me cryin -- was really rooting for the sheriff to make it out alive :( -- never been religious and have 0 religious trauma but god damn this show got me good, weeping all thru the end

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🎃 rosemary's baby (10/22) regrettably by roman polanski, but 🏴‍☠️ so eh. overall i really liked it. i had seen bits and pieces and i feel this is one of those medias that you kind of know through osmosis, but it was still an enjoyable watch, if not disturbing at times. tho minnis voice and mannerisms reminds me of vic's nana from very important people lmaoooo i cant unsee/hear it

🎃 event horizon (10/22) so far INCREDIBLE visuals, giving big hellraiser vibes with the disfigured/cut up bodies & the elaborate incomprehensible yet decorative engine brings to mind a mix of the lament configuration and biblically accurate angels. incredible. -- why only trauma hallucinations from a few of the crew? the rest were just peachy keen? not a smidge of trauma? bummer tbh -- hot damn the gore visuals are blink and u miss it but sick as hell -- but what happened with justin? rescue crew said he was alive but like.... mentally???? -- pacing felt just a titch off, like shtf so close to the end i feel like the descent could have been smoother, but otherwise i really loved this one

🎃 the exorcist (book) (10/1 - 10/23) liked WAY more than i thought i would. gonna be 4 stars for reference. 2 things i disliked: chris' internal monologues were annoying and shes more than a bit of a yuppie (the point i guess), AND the fact that psychokinesis is just a FACT in this world (ie possession can't be concluded by moving objects / mind reading bc those are observable in clinical settings in ppl with mental issues) bothered me so much!!! like..... if a DEMON can read your mind, move objects, as established w regan, you can't just chalk it up to NO WAY being possession. wtf???? anyway, everything else was great. really liked the reveals (regan's paint found at the church desecration, regan speaking backwards & mentioning merrin before he's even seen on page). the foreshadowing of karras' demise. very disturbing scenes iykyk, and even the detective parts were fun in the end. dunno if i'll read the sequel (legion) but i've heard the show is v good? 👀

🎃 hell house llc (10/25) 1 (10/25): love, it's a classic at this point, most of the scares dont get to me but surprisingly a few still do, solid ending 2 (10/25): kind of worse acting than the first but still liked, enjoy where the overarching plot is going re drawing people to the house 3 (10/25): definitely upped the production value, the scene of the actress in the basement with the clown is top tier but otherwise it was okay. first is still the best tbh, feels like they explained too much and im more of a fan of ambiguity. since the first 3 films take place in the same building, there's a weird feeling of familiarity & coziness lmao, i could see this series being a comfort rewatch fr origins (10/26): margot was definitely at the fair where tully/cult was kidnapping ppl for the abaddon hotel sacrifices, huh. -- did NO ONE think to check rebecca's cam w/ the body on the bed???? like they've seen other proof of the supernatural but cmon -- ohh that whole scene of rebecca screensharing w her boss and the pictures leading right up to her bedroom door grossssssss bleghhhh i love it -- overall liked this one a lot. still confused abt some stuff (where was the dad's body? why was patrick's arm better? his place in the cult, are the souls (patricks?) bound to the clown costumes etc), but super effective horror for me. sometimes i dont need all the qs answered u know?

🎃 the outwaters (10/26) ppl on reddit said they hated this as much as skinamarink & both are deathly boring but i LOVED skinamarink so lets gooooo -- 38 minutes in. is like...... no one going to aknowledge these sounds???? -- i get the bugs being creepy but are these donkeys supposed to be ominous? bc they just look like sweet cute babies 2 me -- these are the WORST flashlights in the entire world my GOD. -- suddenly, screaming flesh snakes. sure why not -- ooohh space time fuckery? is robbie the axe man? -- i literally cannot see what's happen 90% of the time, its like trying to watch a movie through a pinprick. like near the end he could have been pointing a flashlight at a bbq beef brisket for all i could tell. certainly a choice meant to invoke the claustrophobia and isolation and confusion of the pov, but missed the mark. by a lot. -- theres some neat ideas in here (time travel/time loop where robbie is the one killed and also the killer, with cosmic horror to boot), if i could see anything. loved skinamarink, super effective for me and though it was grainy at least you could SEE, this was. eh. i will say the sound design was great. would have loved to see literally any part of the entity near the end that's making it! the end itself was actually good imo, grotesque but better than seeing a 90% black screen tbh. potential.

🎃 lovely, dark, and deep (10/29) very interesting visuals, kinda cosmic horror in the woods. reminiscent of the "stairs in the woods" and "search and rescue" nosleep stories. also big PT vibes, especially in the scenes in the house, very cyclical/loop in nature but different traumatic events each go thru. love a horror movie that doesnt hold your and and leaves the interpretation up to the viewer. backrooms-esque liminal space? purgatory? mc processing her grief and trauma? dream sequence? hell? are the woods just real fucked up in this natl park? yes. (unfortunately?) it was kinda explained at the end, but i still really liked it. i dunno now the mc could keep working as a ranger, knowing that they just.... let this shit happen. and to perpetuate it....... i do wonder abt the ranger in the beginning, making the choice to get taken. what was his story?

🎃 a house at the bottom of a lake (10/29 - 10/31) 4.5 stars. idk what exactly happened, but i really loved it. great atmosphere (dark, under water, claustrophobic - frankly do not understand people who say this isnt horror lmao), easy to read in a day, perfect for halloween (when I read it). i interpret the ending as james and amelia still being under the obsession of the house, possibly still underwater. like the past 12-or-so days was a "test" of some sort. what finding the house in the real world means, i dont know, but i'm all for horror not holding my hand and it just being about ~the vibes~ which this one nailed for me. the scenes where the flashlights go off? and then house lights turn on? chilled. incredible what you can enjoy when u dont have a hater yappin in ur ear that it sucks <3 

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[ * = re ]

(series) • alien (alien*, aliens*, alien 3*, resurrection*, prometheus, covenant, romulus) • hell house llc (1*, 2, 3, origins) • midnight mass

(films) • nightmare on elm street • the thing* • the outwaters • noroi • the void • event horizon • rosemary's baby • lovely, dark, and deep

(youtube) • backrooms (kane pixels)* • gemini home entertainment*

(books) • the exorcist • uzumaki*

(next year, or b4 next halloween) • smile 2 • the substance • in a violent nature • horror in the high desert • leaving dc

[uncloseted]

Does the IUD hurt really bad? I don't want to get the insertion in my arm bc I have hormonal acne already, and I'm scared id forget when taking the pill. I'm just really scared the IUD would hurt really bad bc ive never had kids and I'm pretty much a virgin.

It really depends on the person, what you do before the appointment, and the office where you get the IUD inserted. Many doctors offer medicine to help numb the cervix before the IUD is put in, since some people feel cramping or pain when they’re getting the IUD placed. If you're worried about pain, you can search for doctors that offer an anesthetic as an option. Other doctors will recommend that you take a pain medication before the procedure to help prevent cramps.

Even without anesthetic, the process of getting an IUD is painless for some people. That said, about 70% of people do experience some pain when the IUD is being inserted. This pain is usually comparable to strong period cramps and lasts only one or two minutes. The entire process takes about five minutes.

Many people feel perfectly fine after they get an IUD and can go back to work or school the same day without any issues. Some people do experience cramping or backaches similar to period pain after getting an IUD, which is totally normal. Those intermittent cramps usually last a few days when they happen and typically aren't too painful. Less commonly, cramping can sometimes come and go for several months after IUD insertion. If you currently have painful periods, you may be at an increased risk for more pain during the insertion process or after it. If you have vaginismus or a tilted uterus, the procedure may be more painful as well.

To reduce your risk of a painful procedure, make sure that you go to a reputable office that inserts IUDs often. The more experience they have, the more aware of different pain management options they'll be, and the less likely it is that you'll get an IUD that's placed incorrectly or have a procedure that causes an injury to your uterus. If you do decide to get one, schedule your appointment during the last few days of your menstrual cycle, as that will make the IUD easier to insert. Before your appointment, make sure you eat well, sleep, and are hydrated. Dehydration, exhaustion, and hunger can make the insertion process worse and contribute to more pain afterwards. Taking ibuprofen or naproxen before and after the procedure can also help to minimize any pain.

The good news is that once you get an IUD, it can last up to twelve years (depending on the type you get). So for a lot of people, even though it runs the risk of being painful, it's worth getting an IUD to avoid worrying about birth control for such a long period of time. The other benefit is that IUDs often reduce period symptoms or get rid of them entirely, so even though the initial process is painful, it can actually prevent pain in the long run (Mirena and Liletta are best for this- the copper IUD may make period pain worse).

If you're want a birth control option that you don't have to maintain on a daily basis but an IUD isn't for you, your other option is the depo-Provera Shot. This is an injection you get from your doctor once every three months that prevents ovulation. About three-quarters of women stop getting their period altogether after 2-3 shots, so it can provide similar period pain relief benefits as the birth control pill or an IUD. It's about 96% effective at preventing pregnancy in typical use and 99% effective with perfect use, so similarly effective to other birth control options you might consider.

Ultimately, it's a super personal choice, and there's no right or wrong answer. All decisions that we make in life have some degree of trade-off, and making medical choices is no different. But the good news is that there are a lot of good choices available to you, and hopefully you can find one that works and that you feel comfortable with.

[parakeetpark]

I'm drunk

I could write Jurassic Park better

I'm gonna

I HIT THE TAG LIMIT. ABSOLUTELY SCREAMING INTERNALLY. THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED

Obviously no one will read my tags and i don't mind that. But point I was ending on is I love a cause and effect

e.g. the fence electricity being started up at the exact moment Alan and the kids are climbing it. Because it's so monumentally low probability of occurring. It could have happened 2m before and they'd be stuck on one side. Or 2m after and they would have been out of sight and not even noticed it at the time

In some films you go "oh come on! What are the chances! This is suspending my disbelief too much" but in Jurassic Park it's so well written and guides you along the narrative without being condescending. It does it in a way where your e along for the journey instead of "I'm the writer and I say so ! I say this is happening even though I'm bad at writing!" Idk idk badly explained I'm drikb d but the narrative is well written and so I don't mind at all, when you have to go "this is highly unlikely, but I can see how the fates aligned in this moment to lead to this, I feel respected as a viewer, and i am immersed in this story"

Also also . .. briefly, I swear briefly. It's of course not the writing ONLY. The shot design, the cuts from scene to scene, the acting, the set design, and all the stunt work, the cgi made to be the best the could at the time, the phenomenal work with th practical effects. It all is amazing!!!

! Man I fucking love this movie

I'm..... clearly gonna watch it ten more times. Actually idk sometimes my hyperfixations do end rapidly? But either way I'm gonna be daydreaming about it for at least a few weeks. This really reminds me of my Phantom of the Paradise phase that lasted actual fucking MONTHS AND I MADE VIDEO EDITS BC I WAS WATCHING IT EVERY DAY, SCREAMS

I'm gonna go have some water and then my meds and my inhaler and sleep and no rush brush brush my teeth. Apologies if u opened my tags or my readmore - I love you whoever did this and apologies

Someone got me 'insert mundane work item' today and it was such a shit shift, I was struggling so hard and it was such a relief I just went straight faced "I love you" AKDJAKDJAKSJSKDJ I do NOT have that sort of friendship with that guy lol I'm sorry colleafie anyway. Love you bye