#it's not as intense anymore

[me-and-my-forty-fandoms]

I've been thinking about castoff a lot

[hinamie]

morning glory

[ctrlzxoo]

ivan and till have their first kiss, an alternate ending 💕

please look at this comic for context and Part 1!

[mikimeiko]

The Fall of the House of Usher | Miniseries (2023), Mike Flanagan

[dogd0m-charlie]

my experience with being a trans man is fucking crazy bc like. sure I've had fingers and dildos and everything in my pussy and in my ass and sure it feels pretty good and eventually makes me cum but like I'm not super crazy about it.

but then on the other hand, if I'm thrusting my hips against my bf's ass or if he's straddling my lap and he starts moving his hips or anything else that would stimulate my dick if i had one, i will literally be gasping and moaning and panting and drooling and within 30 seconds i will feel like my brain is leaking out of my ears. even though I'm not getting any physical stimulation from it whatsoever because i don't actually have a dick. like what

[arnaerr]

I need Halsin's thighs to compress me into a .zip file

[ymechi]

Who is the real Creator?

Sorry this took so long I have so much to say but I have no idea where to start. I hope you guys are okay with how it ended and the decision I made. This is a yandere au but with Nahida it is platonic (and the rest of the underage characters).

-TW: cult au, yandere, impostor au, mentions of being hunted down, mentions of trauma, self harm (nothing major)

-Gn reader and darling (please tell me if I mess this up message me and I will fix it)

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, this is part 5, part 6

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Reader began to unpack their stuff, it was mostly clothes and books, everything else like cooking utensils was unnecessary as there were attendants who would handle stuff like cooking and cleaning. Reader guessed that was the perks of being an Archon.

The room was a bit of a mess the large doors were open and the boxes littered the floor with various trinkets and Readers personal belongings. 

One should not look down on how much stuff one can gather, even in a foreign world. Soon they would be able to write poems with how well their vocabulary had gotten.

Reader took out a shirt and folded it neatly putting it inside the nicely carved wardrobe. They felt a little out of place in the spacious and very fancy room. Yet there was a certain charm towards it, Reader especially loved the tall glass windows that let the sunlight in.

"I see you are already settling in."

"Oh, Nahida! I did not see you there, yeah I thought it was best to do it while I could."

"You know there are attendants if you ever need help, please don't feel too bad it's their job after all."

"Well if you put it that way. . . I guess I could use a hand with the rest of the clothes." 

Reader had underestimated how many clothes they had, it was boring to fold them and sort them all. They had bought most of their clothes and personal items as both Nahida and Reader did not know the extent of the tension that Darling's reveal would cause.

They looked through the boxes and one object caught Readers eye. It shined as the sun reflected on it. Reader took it out and observed it. This was a gift Darling had given them, it was a Fanoos that was intricately carved and made out of polished gold. The lantern's glass was made out of various colors in geometrical shapes. Overall it was very beautiful something Reader would like.

Speaking of. . .

"Nahida what will happen to Darling after. . . you know?"

Nahida watched the lantern that was in their hand without saying anything and then looked at Reader with a smile.

"It was decided that they would go to an isolated temple in Inazuma for their own safety. Even if they are innocent we can't be too careful what others might do."

Well, at least Darling would be safe there was no need to worry after all they had the Raiden shogun. Inazuma would be far away though.

They looked at the Fanoos, it would be pretty to add it near the nightstand. . . There was already a lamp there, so they decided to put it on a bookshelf instead.

"It looks very nice on the shelf there," said Nahida.

"Yeah, I am glad you think so too," replied Reader.

Reader saw a familiar hat figure silhouette from the open door. It was Wanderer as they had expected, curiously he was carrying several moving boxes as well.

"That is right I forgot to tell you Wanderer decided for extra security to move in here as well, I saw no reason to turn him down."

"O-oh but is it fine for him to just move like that because of me?"

Wanderer must have heard the conversation as he turned to look directly at them. He nodded toward Reader who gave him a small wave. After the status of Readers creator-hood was revealed Wanderer had taken to being polite to Reader but after some more nagging on their part, he had mellowed down a bit. He did tease them from time to time as was normal between them.

Reader hoped with time they could go back to the usual scowling Wanderer who did not hesitate to say what was on his mind.

However, that did make Reader ponder why he turned polite while Nahida stayed the same.

Reader must have been staring at Nahida as the Archon looked at them with a tilted head.

"I see you two are talking behind my back, not very nice I must say."

"We were just talking about your new living arrangements," she looked at Wanderer with an innocent look, "you know, it made their grace feel really bad."

Reader snorted at Nahida's jab at getting into Wanderer.

Wanderer looked surprised but sighed looking at Reader with a sincere expression they did not expect to get today.

"There is no need to concern yourself with that I chose to move out of my own violation, no one forced me to."

Reader gave an awkward smile and wrung their hands together.

"Alright, but I still feel bad-," Wanderer sighed at Reader, "let me finish! I feel bad so if you need any help come to me okay?"

Wanderer looked like he was about to turn down the offer until Nahida interjected.

"Actually since you both are moving in how about we all take a shopping trip to buy decorations, you can then ask Reader for advice on what to buy, two birds in one stone."

"A shopping trip sounds nice," Reader said and looked at Wanderer with hopeful eyes.

Wanderer closed his eyes and sighed.

"It seems you won't let this go, fine then let me put these stuff down and we can go down to the market."

Nahida and Reader looked at each other with a smile. It was going to be a fun trip.

.

.

.

The sunset this day was a bright crimson and was fading into orange at the horizon. There was no cloud in sight. the people were gathered near the central temple in Sumeru. One of the Creator's temples. Reader grimaced.

They adjusted their hood once again feeling nervous not to get caught. Wanderer held their hand more tightly and they gave a squeeze back feeling thankful.

Soon one of the heads of the religion came out near the podium.

The people were confused and some were curious but it was clear soon everyone would find out what the gathering was for.

Nahida stepped up as well, and she began to speak. Then the priest took over and Reader watched everyone's face turn to shock and outrage.

Impostor.

Reader clenched their jaw and held Wanderer's hand tighter. He did not flinch or let go.

Nahida and the priest calmed the people down in the end but there was still much tension left.

By the end of it Reader and Wanderer left the place.

.

.

.

They met Nahida outside of a meeting room. She looked exhausted and Reader's heart ached. With clumsy hands, they took out a juice bottle they had.

"You look tired, please take some."

Nahida gave a small smile and nodded.

"Thank you."

Her voice was small and a bit hoarse no doubt from all the talking. Once again Reader felt awful not being able to do anything, especially since Nahida was a dear friend.

"Please don't worry about me I am fine, as an Archon this is one of the many duties I must attend to," her face turned more serious looking at Reader, "I am afraid we are not done yet this is your turn now."

Reader's shoulders squared and they nodded. Right, it was their turn now. No more running away and this time they were not alone either. Reader looked at their friends and gave a reassuring smile.

Nahida smiled and nodded at them before turning and opening the door.

It wasn't as intimidating as they had imagined when they entered the room. It was decided for Reader's sake they would ask the acolyte and Archons who would be able to attend to come and not tell anything of the importance of the meeting. Naturally since the recent announcement from the church most would be busy, only those who had time would come and it would not be a large group. It was better for Reader to start off small Nahida had recommended and they agreed.

The Archon’s that were able to attend were unsurprisingly Venti and Zhongli. Yet most people in the room would be unaware of the importance of such figures.

As they entered Nahida stepped in front of them while Wanderer walked behind them, they felt rather safe this way.

The others who had arrived were Diluc, Lisa, Cyno, Kujo Sara and Chlorinde. Quite the cast had come. Now all of their eyes were on the trio but mostly on Reader as they stood in front.

Nahida stepped up to speak but Reader beat them to it putting a hand in front of her, all while still looking at their audience.

The sky outside was just as red there was an odd silence in the wind. The shadows on the acolytes' faces deepened and their eyes became glaring embers of accusation evident on their eyes.

Impostor.

They had thought a lot about what to say, and there were many words and accusations they wanted to scream at the top of their lungs until Reader's voice became hoarse and dry. Yet what were words when actions could speak louder?

They took out the same kitchen knife from before on that day from their pocket. They did not bother to look at their reactions. Reader took out their palm and cut it and watched as it bled a brilliant gold. They were still unused to the sight themselves and took a moment to admire it.

They heard a sharp breath. Before anyone could speak they threw the knife onto the table.

Reader then left the room.

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Taglist: @resident-cryptid @probablynoposts @esthelily @mitsukashi @charming-mage @chaoticfivesworld @irisxiel @dulcedelechenginamo @yu-ulda @samohxt2-0 @pinkpainc @vianitry

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Killua and the Power of Wishes

Okay going to try and make this coherent because the amount of wish association all through Killua's character development makes me want to chew plaster.

As a fair warning, this analysis ended up being long as hell, and I didn't even include everything I could've said. This is also just one lens to analyze Killua's story arc with, and I feel there are other valid interpretations of some of these moments. This is just one of mine, so keep that in mind please.

One last warning that this analysis does discuss emotional manipulation and abuse, as is par for Killua's background.

Let's set the stage with one important piece of info: Killua's birthday.

Killua's birthday is July 7th, the same day as Tanabata. Tanabata is a folklore-rich festival where according to legend, the two lovers, weaver Orihime and cowherd Hikoboshi, represented by the two stars, Vega and Altair, are allowed to reunite once a year after separation. A popular custom of Tanabata is to make wishes by writing them down on tanzaku, then hang it on a bamboo tree so that the wish might one day come true.

Tanabata is also known as the Star Festival. Please keep this in mind, because I'm going to come back to it.

To finish setting up the lens for this analysis, I'm going to need to dig into the game-changer scene for Killua's early characterization - his confrontation with Illumi at the end of the Hunter Exam, and specifically, the exact nature of Illumi's manipulation of him.

I say "game-changer" because it really is - up until this point, it's kind of fair to not fully know what to think about Killua. Certainly, he seems excited to hang out with Gon (he approached him first, after all) and he's friendly enough, but he's also arrogant and claims to be motivated mainly by boredom. For all intents and purposes, Killua seems set up to be Gon's dangerous yet charismatic rival... but then this scene happens and it completely turns it all on its head.

Because Killua may have mentioned his family was controlling before, but he seriously downplayed the severity of it - likely because he has no point of reference for how awful his situation actually is other than it makes him feel bad and trapped. Illumi's appearance immediately shifts our understanding of Killua from runaway murder kid with annoying murder family to straight-up victim of emotional abuse, and dissolves his cockiness instantly to terror.

What does all this have to do with wishes? Glad you asked. Let's look at some of Illumi's dialogue.

[ID: A screenshot from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. Killua looks up, sweating and conflicted, as Illumi tells him "You don't want anything or wish for anything." End ID.]

This is the crux of Illumi's (and the family's) control. Killua's desires do not align with the family trade. They must be excised from him.

When Killua insists that he does have something that he really wants, Illumi says "Tell me what it is you want", in a mockery of a certain other sibling who would have helped fulfill this wish - Illumi asks only so he can completely dismantle it. And Killua isn't even really surprised at Illumi's words, just heartbroken. You can tell this isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened.

Killua states his wish quite fervently; he really means it. But his words are not rebellious, nor cathartic. Instead, he answers Illumi quietly, as if fearful or ashamed, almost reminiscent of a sinner's confession.

[ID: Two screenshots from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. In the first Killua looks down with a troubled expression, saying "I want to become friends with Gon...". In the second, his face is hidden as he stands with hands clenched at his sides with a spotlight on him. He says "I'm sick of killing people..." End ID.]

It's such an innocent, simple want.

And Illumi proceeds to make him feel like even something so simple is harmful and selfish of him... not to the family, but to Gon.

In a matter of a few minutes, Illumi breaks down Killua's wish by:

Acknowledging this desire, but twisting it into something that will inevitably fade over time, thereby causing Killua to doubt his own conviction and feelings -> "Gon is a novelty, a radiant presence who has piqued your curiosity. No more than that."

Acknowledging that Gon is someone important to Killua, and undermining this by telling him that by his very nature, he will eventually bring harm to Gon, which makes him feel as though Killua cannot trust himself to be a good friend -> "If you try to be friends with him, you will one day want to kill him... because you are, by nature, a murderer." (As a... delightful... bonus, this is also apparently how Silva and Illumi justify their treatment of Killua to him - "This is the essence of your existence and we taught you accordingly." Like they adapted to Killua's nature, instead of them molding Killua into who they wanted him to be.)

Delivering an ultimatum - to fight Illumi and win, or else Gon will die - that Killua is doomed to fail due to his upbringing and the needle in his head. Since Killua doesn't know about the needle, he assumes this is his own personal failure, something Illumi feeds into -> "You're just not qualified to make friends."

And it's the last point that breaks him. The first two shoot down Killua's present wish, but the last proceeds to shatter any hope he might've had of wishing for anything similar in the future - he has told him that his desires are weak, temporary, inherently dangerous to those around him, and worst of all, aren't enough on their own for him to deserve friendship and love from others. And the clincher: Killua feels like all of this is his own fault, that there is something inherently dangerous and wrong with him!

So, it doesn't even matter to Killua anymore if he fails the Hunter Exam. To him, he just failed the only test that mattered.

10/10 manipulation, Illumi. Fuck you, seriously.

Killua's character arc is mainly his quest and struggle to refute Illumi's arguments and to shake off the manipulation and the ways in which his family have molded and controlled him. And by far, the most difficult part of his conditioning to shake off is this idea that he is undeserving of anything more than what he is already given.

It's almost like the family has drilled it into him that wishes are dangerous. How interesting.

Thankfully, however, there are two parties to Killua's wish here - Gon, too, is a part of it, and it is not simply his reciprocated desire to be Killua's friend that saves him, but also his recognition of Killua's situation for what it is (notably, when no one else correctly identified the true issue).

"You know it wasn't his choice. You manipulated him, kidnapping his spirit!"

The ensuing Zoldyck family arc emphasizes that Gon is 100% correct: the main hold Killua's family has on him isn't physical - it's all emotional.

Killua breaks one of his shackles when Milluki threatens to have his new friends killed, but he only breaks the rest when Zeno tells him he's free to go. So, if Killua could break loose at any point, was this still a rescue like Gon said?

Well, yes - just because he absolutely could've broken out physically at any time, that does not mean he could just leave. That's the nature of situations such as this - it's not as simple as "just leaving". Support is necessary, as is actually having something tangible outside the situation to go to - otherwise there is little point to leaving at all. Gon (and Kurapika and Leorio) showing up to free Killua showed him that his wish was reciprocated and allowed him to break one cuff - this is the start of his journey, but he still has a long ways to go. Notably, he again hesitates and closes off when Silva asks what he wants.

[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 42. In the first, Silva asks Killua "...would you like to see [Gon]?" Killua's expression is complicated in the next panel - he's closed off and uncertain. Silva continues "Be honest, Kil... what do you want?" End ID.]

Killua will backtalk and casually break his shackles and death glare his family... but he's too fearful to voice his wants aloud.

And once again, asked by his father what he wants, he is subtly set up to fail. His wish is granted, but made conditional - "Do not betray your friends", something Killua is regrettably set up to do by virtue of the needle in his head that he, again, doesn't know about. Silva fully expects him to fail and come back home, disillusioned, believing it's his own fault due to his "nature", and trusting in Silva still as a "reasonable" figure in his life.

This condition placed on his friendship is what drives much of Killua's fear and insecurity with regards to Gon for much of the series - the idea that Killua has to earn his right to friendship, and that if he doesn't, he will lose it, one way or another.

It really makes me wish that Killua had actually gotten to hear Gon's views on friendship from the beginning of the Zoldyck Family arc, because it entirely refutes this entire philosophy. He even outright refuses to go through the Testing Gates at first, purely because he thinks the sentiment of needing to prove yourself just to be friends is completely outrageous - he only relents because there is no other way.

[ID: Two screenshots from episodes 21 and 22 of the 2011 HxH anime adaptation. Gon looks up at Illumi and firmly states "[Killua] doesn't need to earn the right to be my friend!" In the second, Gon's face is seen in profile and close up as he asks "Why would you test your friends?" End ID.]

I doubt it would've truly prevented Killua's insecurity from manifesting even if he had heard this, to be honest - his issues with usefulness are very deep-rooted in his upbringing - but still, it would've been nice for him to hear, I think.

However, that's not to say that this exact sentiment doesn't come through in their interactions.

Gon, as Killua's friend, cares about what Killua actually wants and wants to make sure Killua knows that - and that's part of what makes the Whale Island conversation between them really important.

[ID: Two images, both of the same scene from HxH chapter 64, and episode 37 of the 2011 anime. In the manga panel, Gon has turned his head to look at Killua directly, who looks shocked and taken aback, to say "I like hanging out with you." In the anime screenshot, Gon has turned his whole body to face Killua, and says "I think it's fun to be with you." End ID.]

I see a lot of people chalk this up to just Gon being Gon, but it reads to me as much more deliberate than even his usual honesty. He's turned so he's looking directly at Killua, which is a sure way to make his words come across clearly. The lead up to this is Killua, again, not knowing or being able to vocalize what he wants. He doesn't have a goal to work towards like Gon, he only knows what he doesn't want - he's a mix of envious and admiring towards Gon, who knows what he wants and simply goes for it.

But this conversation makes it clear that they have a shared wish - they both want to be friends, and they'd both like to stay together. It's not about earning, to Gon, it's only about if they both want the same thing - mutual, not conditional. There's a nice almost call-and-response type dialogue here, where Gon asserts that he likes spending time with Killua (very directly lol), then shares that Killua is the first friend his age he's had. This prompts Killua to say that Gon is his first friend ever, and that he does have fun with him. And just like that, Gon replies "Then let's stay together!" and pointedly includes Killua's desire to find a goal in their, now shared, upcoming journey.

Overhead, a shooting star appears in the sky. A mutual wish is granted.

[ID: A panel from HxH chapter 64. The night sky is full of stars. In the centre is a shooting star. End ID.]

Hm. Stars. Remember how I told you to keep that in mind, all the way back at the beginning? Their association with Tanabata, making a wish on a shooting star, etc. etc.?

Well, buckle up because this star is going to make you experience so much sadness now.

[ID: Panels from HxH chapter 286. The first is a conversation between Killua and Meleoron where Killua asserts he intends to "go down in flames with [Gon]". When Meleoron looks concerned, Killua brushes off the declaration as a joke. In the second image, Killua is turned away, his outline pale, as Meleoron thinks "Why... did you looks so sad... back there?" The last image is a cloudy night sky filled with stars. At the centre of the panel is a shooting star. End ID.]

Yeah, it makes its reappearance directly after Killua has "jokingly" resolved to die with Gon if it comes down to it, after "since it means nothing to you".

I am assured, in Japanese, the word choice here is 心中 (shinjuu), the word for double suicide, where the intent is to die at the same time in the same manner in order to be reunited in the afterlife. The implication here is that Killua, having increasingly grown insecure in his place by Gon's side but unable to voice this, knowing that Gon is hurtling down the path of no return, thinks back to their conversation under the stars where they both mutually wished to stay together and, because he believes that it is no longer possible for him to help Gon, has resolved to stay by his side in death, and after it.

...holy shit, kid.

[ID: Two screenshots from the 4th ending of the 2011 anime. In the first, Gon and Killua stand back to back as meteors fall around them. In the second, they stand facing away from the audience towards a body of water under a night sky filled with stars - Gon throws a stone, which flashes in the air like a shooting star. End ID.]

And of course, here's the shooting star again in the 2011 anime's Nagareboshi Kirari ending, as well as it being the subject of the song itself and rather explicitly referencing that wish to go on a journey together, to stay together, because... Madhouse hates us. I guess. :'(

What started off as a simple wish for a friend deepened into a wish to always stay by Gon's side. This is largely good at first! Killua is able to explore and experience genuine friendship, to get a taste for freedom, and use the power of his fervent wish to protect his dear friend in order to rid himself of Illumi's needle. However, the more Killua wants, the more he traps these wishes in monologues within his own head and does not voice them aloud. Part of it is that he already feels he's been given much more than he deserves - seeing himself as a creature of darkness and Gon as light - but a greater part of the issue here is not that Killua is afraid to wish for things, but that he is afraid wishing without "compensation" will inevitably lead to horrible repercussions - namely, losing who he loves.

In order to feel worthy of staying with Gon, of earning his friendship, Killua works hard to help Gon achieve his goals, taking on the role of wish grantor, growing to do practically anything needed to support him for seemingly nothing in return - but that's not 100% true. Killua wants at least some appreciation, whether he admits it or not - it's a security thing, and it also clearly makes him happy, even if he's not great at accepting it. He insists in Chimera Ant arc that friends don't need to thank friends, but this declaration always read as very sudden to me or like a rationalization, and it's relevant to remember that this is at the peak of Gon isolating himself and self-destructing before his eyes, and Killua's own insecurity regarding his importance to him.

Killua might not mind doing things without thanks, but that doesn't mean he doesn't like to hear that Gon appreciates him. He clearly does appreciate verbal confirmation of their bond! We know this.

[ID: Two screenshots from the 2011 anime. The first is from episode 61. Killua smiles down at the ground with his hands in his pockets, the colours having gone soft and bright. The second is from episode 70 during the dodgeball match. Gon smiles determinedly in the foreground as Killua looks shocked next to him. End ID.]

Keeping all this in mind, Killua's story, or at least this part of it, couldn't have concluded in a better way than his rescue of Alluka, the wish grantor.

Now, I could probably write an entire other analysis on Alluka and Nanika alone, but for the sake of not making this any longer than I already have, I'm going to go through only a few points. Alluka is incomprehensible to her family because they make no attempt to understand her, with the exception of Killua. The only thing they do seem to understand, when explained to them, is the demands made after Nanika grants a wish - this, of course, fits neatly into their own predetermined views on "earning" and "punishment". However, beyond this, they make no attempt to understand her, and since her power is deemed dangerous and uncontrollable, she is locked away.

They are worried, first and foremost, that Alluka will bring harm to the family, and there's two ways in which this could be true:

As a function of failing to fulfill her requests, of course

Because she, just by existing, threatens the family's status quo

I stated at the beginning that Killua's desires do not align with those of the family business, and he's always apparently been more open to understanding others - he asks Alluka and Nanika questions to understand them, and treats them with respect, while his family are more so focused on subjugating anything that might be a threat. This is what Illumi tried to drill into Killua after all; never fight a superior opponent - everything is about assessments of relative strength, which leaves no room for open-mindedness or getting to know people.

Faced with a daughter who is clearly incomprehensibly powerful, and a son, the would-be inheritor of the family trade, who is showing a disturbing amount of willingness to befriend instead of retreat from her, the family made the decision to excise Alluka not just from where she could "harm" the family power-wise, but also likely to secure their control over Killua, who they then set about practically programming to not have any more wishes for himself, or at least to not be able to vocalize them without fear of loss or retribution.

The family's nickname for Killua is "Kil" or "Killu", which is deeply fascinating to me as a reader - nicknames are expressions of endearment, typically, and I actually don't doubt that here. Killua's family does love him, but their love comes with conditions. He must be molded into the perfect son, and every part of him that doesn't fit must be excised.

So: Killua's memories of Alluka are suppressed with the needle, and she is further cut from his life by dropping the "a" from his name (the Zoldyck children are named like a game of shiratori - Illumi -> Milluki -> Killua -> Alluka -> Kalluto). The nickname is also like a command or order "to kill", which is of course what they want him to do.

Saving Gon through saving Alluka and Nanika forces Killua to have to face down the last and hardest of Illumi's manipulations to shake, and that's the notion that a wish, that kindness and friendship and love, cannot be unconditional without severe repercussions - where the people he cares about get hurt because of him, something he cannot envision being forgiven for.

It's a little sad to me that after spending most of the series struggling against his family's teachings that they didn't lead to Killua betraying Gon at all, as he'd feared... but to him betraying Nanika, by sending her away.

Here is this little girl with a bloodstained past, incredibly powerful and dangerous and capable of amazing feats, treated as some evil thing by those who fear her. But she is kind at heart. Her true strength lies in healing, not killing. And she only takes commands from Killua.

Illumi thinks this is because Killua is the only one with control over her. Killua believes this is because she wants praise. They're both partially correct, but this is not the full reason Nanika does what Killua asks of her.

[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146 of the 2011 anime. In the first, Nanika smiles and says "I love Killua." In the second, Killua looks at her, stricken. End ID.]

Nanika loves him. Everyone has been trying to figure out all these complicated rules and conditions on her wish granting and why Killua is the one exception, but the answer is exceedingly simple. She loves him, and wants to do nice things for him so he can have his wishes granted. It's the only way she knows to get the love that she wants in turn.

Just like her brother, Nanika makes herself useful to earn love and appreciation from someone who accepted her when no one else did.

Even though he knows Nanika just wants to help, he still sees her presence as a danger to the person he sees as pure and innocent who must be protected. He sends her away because her "nature" is to be a threat to Alluka's safety, even if she doesn't intend to be. Killua's fear of Illumi and repercussions causes him to make a horrible mistake.

And Alluka tears into him for it.

[ID: A set of panels from HxH chapter 336. A furious Alluka glares and asks Killua if he made Nanika cry. When Killua stutters, she demands he apologize to her. End ID.]

You tell him, girl.

Oh hey, this looks a little familiar, huh?

"Apologize to Killua!" says Gon to Illumi after Illumi sends Killua away.

Nanika should not be the one punished for the actions of those trying to control her. She certainly shouldn't be forced to leave those she loves, or have to earn love from them.

And neither should Killua.

[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 336. Alluka yells, tears in her eyes, "If you're going to protect me... you have to protect Nanika too!!" Killua looks shocked, then his eyes widen. End ID.]

It's interesting to me that this is the line that snaps Killua out of his fear enough for him to properly speak with Nanika and apologize. One party cannot receive all the protection, nor can the other only give and give limitlessly.

Killua makes it clear to Nanika when speaking with her that he will protect her, and that she doesn't need to earn affection from people by granting their wishes. He promises they will both be there for each other - Killua will praise her whenever she wants, and not just when she does something for him, but he also doesn't refuse Nanika's desire to grant his wishes. It's mutual, not conditional.

And on the heels of this "betrayal", Killua asks for what he never thought he could receive - forgiveness. And even though Nanika is clearly still very upset...

[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146. In the first, Nanika and Killua face each other, both of them teary. Nanika says "Kay." In the second, he has pulled her into a hug. Nanika is teary, her fingers gripping Killua's back tightly. End ID.]

...she doesn't even have to think about it.

I do think Killua still has a ways to go, but he is in a position right now to learn from his relationship with his sisters about balance - that love is not just selfless devotion, but also allowing those who love you to help you and make you happy too. I think that's what unconditional love is, in a way - supporting and working together with the people you love to make each other's wishes come true.

[dear-ao3]

so my boyfriend is very into cologne and i have smelled a whole freaking lot of cologne because he usually asks me to smell them before he buys them and so i have this weird pocket of knowledge of mens cologne that i never use until im watching celebrity interviews as background noise and they inevitably answer the "what do you smell like" question and then i judge them heavily because they all say either fucking chanel blue or tom ford ombre leather or dior sauvage like. you are a millionaire. you can afford to not be basic thank you and goodnight.

[thefood-oflove]

when olivia rodrigo said “tried so hard to be everything that you like/ just for you to say you’re not the compliment type” and when chappell roan said “And I try to be the chill girl/That holds her tongue and gives you space” and when richard siken said “Love, for you, is larger than the usual romantic love… it’s like a religion. it’s terrifying. no one will ever want to sleep with you” and when mitski said “So if you need to be mean/Be mean to me” and dodie said “I kissed someone because it's fair/ Oh, do I tell you, would you care?/ So deeply hurt, you beg for who/ Or are you kissing someone too?” and when boygenius said “I came prepared for absolution, if you'd only ask/ So I take some offense when you say, ‘No regrets’” and when girl in red said “So, I'll be willing to let this die, / Able to look you right in the eyes, / Say I'm not your consolation prize” and when

[sunlit-mess]

trying to cheer myself up

[megamindsupremacy]

Drifting Stars headcanon where Mabel and Ford use the "we're father/daughter" story so often to avoid suspicion that Mabel calls him "Dad" instead of "Grunkle Ford" now.

Ford has a reasonable amount of emotions about this and does not nearly cry the first time Mabel calls him "Dad" outside of lying to people.

[unsteadylilactree]

the progression from "there's a morning snack and a midday snack" and "20 bucks for pizza" buck looking after his friend's kid to "bobby's famous lasagne: 6 types of cheese cooked to perfection" buck cooking for his family to "that's makes me your sous chef" teaching his kid how to cook is making me go so feral.

[sundayswiththeilluminati]

hey there kids want to read the truest description of X-Men ever given

THE IDEOLOGICAL LATCH-KEY CHILDREN OF CHARLES AND ERIK'S CATASTROPHIC DIVORCE I'M FUCKING DYING

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

the artblock be hitteth Harder than normal, for tis not normal artblock. woe. Wally be upon ye

[smilesrobotlover]

Whumptober day 26- nightmares

Woah art again?? :D there may or may not be art for the rest of the month 👀 no promises tho. And also excuse the fact how there’s no nightmares, there’s just bad memories 😭 I didn’t know what else to do lol.

~~~~

It took hours getting people to safety on the broken boat, and fortunately none of them were hurt too badly. There were a few with broken bones, but Talon and Ammon began to care for them right away. The people were all huddled up on the deck, anxiously watching the land ahead of them. After a few hours, the boat miraculously started moving again, with the captain of the ship taking the helm again and driving to land. But there was no sign of Linebeck.

Leon didn’t think much of it since the man said he was going to fix the engine of the ship, but even after it had started moving again, he still hadn’t reunited with the men. Soon the land was getting closer and closer, so Leon decided to look for the sailor despite his motion sickness so he wouldn’t have to turn the ship upside-down to find him when they arrived. He walked down the stairs, noting the broken walls and steps, and he reached the engine room. It was a mess, but it wasn’t flooded anymore, with boxes and wax all blocking the hole that the monster created. The engine was whirring still, looking functional, and Linebeck was resting against the wall with a blank expression on his face, his arms resting on each knee as he stared. Leon walked up to him, waving his hand to get his attention, and Linebeck flinched slightly, his eyes finally focusing on something.

“Oh, hey,” he mumbled, moving his legs so he was on his knees. “I was just about to head up there.”

“Were you now?”

“Yeah…” Linebeck trailed off, standing up slowly while still clinging onto the wall. Leon glanced around the room again, nodding his head.

“It’s impressive down here. You fixed all this by yourself?”

Linebeck let out a bitter laugh. “No, I didn’t fix it. I just… fixed it enough to last us the rest of the trip.”

“Did it take a while?”

He shrugged. “Just had to pump out the water and fill the hole. The water damaged the engine, so fixing that wasn’t easy but…I guess it didn’t take too long.”

Leon frowned. “And you’ve been down here ever since?”

Linebeck looked down, a guilty expression on his face. “I mean—I’ve just been thinking about stuff.”

Leon stared at his face, the uncomfortable expression, the way he was rubbing his arms and legs…

“Is your scar bothering you?” Leon asked, and Linebeck’s eyes traveled to meet his, his expression turning more somber.

“Yeah,” he sighed, “tentacles just give me bad memories.”

Leon gave a knowing nod, remembering how his scar spread throughout his entire body as if something had held onto him. He wasn’t surprised to see Linebeck freeze up earlier. And yet…

“You were very brave up there, Linebeck,” he said, placing his hand on his shoulder. “Despite your fear, you took charge and steered the ship away from the beast’s attacks while also keeping us close enough to fight it. It was impressive.”

Linebeck smiled slightly, it having a hint of genuinity. “Ah, it’s nice to finally show off my skills for once I guess,” he chuckled, scratching the back of his head.”

“Yes, it was nice to see them in action. Makes me wonder what else you’re capable of.”

Linebeck grinned, a hint of teasing on his face, but he didn’t continue. Instead he frowned and faced Leon fully. “How’s Benji? I haven’t checked on him at all.”

“He’s fine from what we can tell,” Leon explained, “no injuries, though he does seem out of it.”

“Yeah. Goddesses, I owe him a lot. If it took me I—” he shuddered and looked away.

“Well, let’s head upstairs to thank him, shall we?” Leon suggested, holding out his hand. “I doubt being down in the dreary engine room isn’t doing you any favors.”

Linebeck stared at the ground, but he took Leon’s hand, following him up the stairs to the deck. It was dark out, with a lighthouse guiding the ship to the land, but Linebeck immediately took in a deep breath, the wind clearly bringing relief to him.

“It’s nice out here, isn’t it?” Leon commented, and Linebeck nodded.

“Yeah. It’s not the sea, but it’s better than the forest.”

“You don’t like the forest?”

“I hate it.”

Leon chuckled before leading Linebeck to where the rest of the group sat, all chatting amongst themselves while Benji played on his guitar. Benji turned his head right when they arrived, and his face lit up.

“Linebeck! There you are!” He cheered, positioning himself so Linebeck could fit the group. “Where’ve you been? I was sad you weren’t the first one crying over my situation.”

Linebeck laughed, though it was small, and he sat down next to him. “I’m sorry, Ben, I was just…um…”

“Linebeck was keeping an eye on the engine,” Leon jumped in, nudging him with his boot. “Had to drag him up here so he wouldn’t work himself to death.”

The rest of the men chuckled while Linebeck rolled his eyes.

“I guess I was working a little too hard,” he muttered, and Leon nudged him again.

“He’s quite the handyman.”

“Oh please,” Linebeck scoffed. “I only knew what I was doing ‘cause it was the same as my ship.”

“Don’t sell yourself short,” Talon jumped in, “you’re the reason why we’re heading to land in the first place!”

“And you’re why we defeated that monster,” Rusl added.

“And let’s not forget the lockpick,” Ammon continued, “that was the fastest picking of a lock I’ve ever seen.”

Linebeck scratched the back of his head, suddenly looking bashful, which Leon found amusing. Usually the man loved boasting about his own accomplishments.

“I-it was nothing, really,” he said, “I was just… caught up in the moment.”

“It saved us though,” Rusl pushed, and the rest of the men cheered in agreement.

“Well let’s not forget about Benji though,” Linebeck pointed to the man, “he saved my life after all.”

“Oh yeah,” Benji started, “I did do that! Glad somebody remembered huh?”

Rusl playfully shoved Benji and the men burst out in laughter, beginning to chat about things, their plan, and how good everyone did. But Leon watched Linebeck, who was still more reserved than normal, yet looking far better than before. He truly didn’t give the man enough credit—the man was far braver and competent than he had realized, and he couldn’t help but see him in a different light. He opened his mouth, but paused on what he was going to say. Perhaps he was going to apologize for his short temper that was always directed to him, or perhaps he was going to compliment him once again, but right when he was about to speak up, shouts interrupted him, and the group went silent as the unfortunate souls on the boat started shouting at the captain.

“We demand a refund!” A woman yelled, her arm in a sling as she was inches from the captain’s face.

“I-I’m terribly sorry but—” he started, but another man popped up, a furious look on his face.

“You made us pay twenty rupees just for us to almost die! You have to make up for it!”

“Y-yes I will but—” The captain glanced at the men who were watching and gave them a pleading look. “You guys, you men helped save us! Surely you can… help me?”

Benji scoffed. “Buddy, you owe us.”

“Yeah, I’m not helping you anymore,” Linebeck grumbled, and the captain whimpered.

“I-I—HOW ABOUT THIS! I give everyone on this boat a free… um… stay at the inn in the next town?”

“And a free doctor’s visit?” A woman jumped in, and he sighed.

“Y-yes, and a free doctor’s visit.”

“I’d rather have a refund.”

The angry mob all muttered in agreement, but Talon raised his hand.

“We’ll take the free inn,” he said, and the group nodded. They didn’t give the man rupees anyways.

“W-well—I can’t just refund all the money, I’m sorry,” the captain said, but all the outraged shouts quieted him, along with shouts from the men.

“Just give them their dang rupees back you scammer!” Talon yelled.

“Yeah!” Benji agreed, holding up his guitar with one arm.

“But give us the inn, we do really want it,” Ammon shouted, which resulted in the men all laughing as the poor captain got left to deal with the angry mob. It was well past midnight by the time they arrived to land, with the boat sputtering and stopping right when they docked. The workers at the docks only stared at the destroyed ship in shock as everyone started running off as soon as they were able. The men were the last ones off, with the captain giving them a pleading look before they walked onto the ramp.

“I will let you all stay on my ship if you’d fix it for me,” he begged, and Leon glanced at the others, who were subtly shaking their heads.

“Nah,” Linebeck said for Leon, and walked away with the others following. Leon simply shrugged at the captain and followed his friends, the group looking for the inn where they would stay. As soon as their feet touched the ground, Benji wailed and got on his knees, kissing the cobblestone.

“Oh, solid land!” He wailed, giving the cobblestones more kisses until Leon kicked him slightly.

“Don’t do that, you don’t know where it’s been,” he scolded, and Benji simply gave him an annoyed look before licking it. Leon let out a disgusted yell and stepped away from him as he scrambled to his feet, his tongue still hanging out of his mouth. “You are disgusting! Licking the ground where hundreds of people have walked upon with their shoes that have stepped in every bit of filth on the planet! What is wrong with you?”

Benji simply winked at him before retracting his tongue in his mouth, which genuinely made Leon want to puke. He survived the boat ride without emptying his stomach, and he was going to let this ruin it for him?

“Hey, you two weirdos!”

Leon and Benji looked to see Linebeck watching them with the others waiting impatiently for them to follow.

“Quit fighting like a married couple and let’s go. I’m tired.”

Leon and Benji glanced at each other before sighing and following the men. They were both very tired, Benji more than Leon no doubt after everything he went through that day, so going to an inn sounded nice. They finally found somewhere to stay, with the inn being very nice; it was tucked away in the corner of town with trees surrounding the building, and the innkeeper was just as nice as the place, giving the men separate rooms where two could room together (save for one that needed three).

“I call rooming with Talon!” Rusl shouted as they got the keys, his hand raised.

“No! I wanted to room with Talon!” Benji fought back, clinging onto the man’s arm.

“That’s not fair! How come you two get Talon?” Ammon jumped in, and all the men broke out into a lighthearted fight over who got to room with Talon while the poor man looked shocked. Leon couldn’t help the chuckle as he watched the group squabble. They were truly an interesting group of men.

Finally they decided on who would room with who: Kass and Ammon would take one room, Rusl, Benji, and Talon would take the other since Talon wanted to keep an eye on Benji, and Leon and Linebeck would take the final room. It was an arrangement they (reluctantly) agreed to, and they split up, with Leon feeling surprisingly sad that they weren’t all staying in the same room. But he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t excited to sleep in his own bed for once.

He and Linebeck reached the room, with it being on the second level of the inn. As soon as Leon reached the bed closest to the window, he took off his shoes and cape and flopped down onto the bed, the events from the day crashing down on him at once. Linebeck did the same, and before Leon could fully pass out, Linebeck spoke up, breaking the silence.

“Hey—um—thank you for what you said earlier. It helped.”

Leon opened his eyes and smiled slightly at Linebeck. “I’m glad it did… I… I’m sorry for giving you such a hard time over everything. You’ve proven me wrong time and time again.”

“Mm,” was all he said in response before burying his face in the pillow with a sigh. “Well, goodnight.”

Leon smiled and buried his own face further into the pillows. “Goodnight Linebeck. I’ll see you in the morning.” It was silent for a moment, so Leon decided to say one more thing before letting sleep whisk him away. “May you have pleasant dreams. It’s what you deserve.”

He heard shuffling, then it went quiet once again, with sleep finally beginning to overcome Leon. But he heard one more thing before he finally fell asleep, and it echoed through his mind just as he fell unconscious.

“You too.”