#it's no where near done yet
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By the way, the clues you get as to the next fic I'm writing right now are that it involves:
1. Omegaverse
2. Semi-public sex
3. And some CNC vibes
I hope you're ready 👀
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disco ninja frog and bancho house wife
this was so cosmically funny in my head I had to manifest it into drawing form (30 minute speedrun)
#god hopefully no ones done this yet#I read a whole essay someone made about how Yu is no where near as homophobic as yoosk is but still likely is homophobic#and honestly? love that#every fic makes Yu out to be like. this super in touch with himself guy or atleast far more aware of his feelings compaired to Yosuke#im not really a shipping person (other then when its funny) but I love souyo on account of “closeted homophobic guy in 2008 realizes things#which I can relate to. not the 2008 part but the homophoic to homosexual pipeline#and whats better then a dense homophoic guy who doesn't come to terms with his big fat crush on his aibou in a game about#coming to terms with the parts of yourself you dont like or dont want others to see?#TWO dense as bricks homophobic guys! In the TV you two go to discover your feelings!#god its just such an interesting dynamic. even more so when you throw in Izanagi and Jiraiya#souyo
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a while back i mentioned having an idea for what Clown is but not being sure on his markings, so I thought I'd bring it to public
#no secret other option you must pick one plsss#as for what Clown is i'm not 100% sure yet. atm some sort of deep cave bedrock inhabitant thing#but i really like the idea he is nether adjacent. but the deep caves in the nether have lava and he is NAWT that#and the bedrock at the top is all open. when i really want a design where his kind lives in near darkness#i have not finished watching ksmp and i wanted to grab more clown lore bits from there. something about the end? dimension jumping??#all i know for sure he is made to live in cramped spaces (small + high flexibility)#and with low light (the big eyes + the feelers + his colors)#but then again its not off the table that he has done things to himself that altered his nature#er is thiss nudity? i'm not gonna maintag. maybe later#digital#colored#xuh art
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Happy holidays! I made Tommy and Eddie fuck :)
#i cant post it yet#theres more#tommys section is pretty much done#but steve and billy are up next#dont look at the notp section in my welcome post...#please#i can explain#anyway#i already started on steve and billys sections but theyre no where near done yet#also the whole thing will be pre polly with the possibility of more fics :)#*if* i can get this done#happy hollidays#i say#at 11:36pm#no im not procrastinating on the other thing idk what youre talking about
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It's always interesting to hear about people's weird/unexpected "alternate life paths". Like, something that you could have done with your life, a job you almost took, a school you almost went to, etc - that was still actually realistic enough that it could have happened, but NOW it seems to not suit your current personality.
Like for example, I currently hate advertising (how manipulative it is, brands trying to be 'relatable', social media amplifying it to an obnoxious extreme, etc.) so much that even seeing a little ad before a youtube video is grating to even witness, but there was a point in time where I was genuinely seriously considering going into marketing/making commercials as a career lol. Or like, I have a relative who was very inclined to be a pastor when they were younger, even though today they're a super strong atheist, etc. etc.
#BECAUSE I knew I really liked filming and editing things and doing set design and costume design (from having done little bits of that#here and there in media classes and my own stuff - i used to be a lot more into making videos than I am now). BUT I was always thinking#that a movie is WAAY to big and long. even a short film. So I was trying to think of ways I could still like#have the fun of scouting locations to film and dressing up actors and etc. etc. without it having to be a Huge Million Dollar Production#on tv show or movie level. SO then I was thinking about like... just doing commercials. Or music videos. Like shorter things where I still#get the fun of the filming and everything but it's less of an intensive long term project.#So there is an alternate version of me (I suppose if i somehow did not end up having physical and mental health issues#as badly somehow.. or like.. randomly came into wealth and was able to pay my way through a nice college despite missing#days constantly being out because I'm sick or something lol) that works in some corporate advertising office coming up with commercials#and directing or filming them or doing the sets for them or something in that general vicinity.#I also was considering being a corporate psychologist. or whatever its called.. oh from google:#''Industrial and organizational (I/O) psychologists study and assess individual group and organization dynamics in the workplace''#I don't think I even knew what the job entailed. I was at the time just thinking like.. the type of person that comes into a business offic#and gives everyone personality assessments or does MBTI or big-5 testing crap for whatever reason that some businesses get that#done for people. Really i just wanted to be in a Corporate Big Office setting yet still do psychology. Because I used to be really fixated#on living in a big city. Like the ideas of everything being walkable. picking up a coffee in the morning. walking to my job in a Big#Skyscraper Building. people watching in a huge hotel lobby for lunch. flying frequently (I love airplanes and airports aesthetically).#living in an apartment with a giant window overlooking the city. etc. etc. BUT that was before i had really BEEN to a city. Then I actually#hung around a city a few times and went places and I was like... AUGh... The Sensory Overwhelm.. cars people lights loudness noise scary#everything happening all at once. etc. etc. (though even when I wanted to live in a city i NEVER strove for the Night Life. when i say I#enjoy city imagery I mean like... in the day time. Many people who like cities talk about The Night Life and post pictures of cities all#lit up at night and clubs and dancing and restaurants. none of that EVER appealed to me. perhaps a sign I am not a real city person. Like#I am NOT standing in a crowded bar full of loud people in the middle of the night lol.. get AWAY from me!!) but I do adore the#architecture of like bright white clean sterile modern spaces like huge airport lobbies or malls or etc. I think thats what reminded me of#city and what I liked about the idea of that life. Like I always LOVED the layout of schools and hospitals and trainstations and public#transport in general. Though even then I knew enough that I would not be a good architect/city planner. so I guess my adoration for those#spaces was merely to be channeled into LIVING there. but then I realized I didn't even really want to do that that much. I mean I still#definitely aim to live NEAR a city. like the little areas outside of it. I would never live in a rural place 4 hours from anything. I liter#ally just COULDNT since I need close access to hospitals sometimes lol. But I used to want to live in the CENTER of citites like high rise#condo. and now I'm like.... eh....... perhaps a smaller quieter walkable space nearby lol.. ANYWAY.. alternate me in my Business Suit eheh
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ALSO HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE PLAYED TWEWY/NEO TWEWY. LIKE THIS POST! SEND A MESSAGE. I WANNA TALK P5/TWEWY CROSSOVER IDEAS.....!!
#ooc#i'm playing neo twewy at the moment and i'm still near the beginning but listen............... I REALLY LOVE IT and am def making a multi#for twewy characters when i'm done!!#but like a thread where like... the p5 ''real world'' and the twewy ug and rg are all different ''worlds'' within the sea of souls??#would be really interesting to me. no idea how to get the lore for each series to mesh together 100% yet but like. something like that.#twewy characters travelling to the persona world for some reason and meeting the persona characters would be SO good tho!!#some muses i wanna pick up include fret for sure but also shoka; kanon; coco; kaie maybe...#but i'd be 100% down for writing the twewy OR the persona characters in a potential crossover tbh so like!!#wishlist.
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i was gonna share my xenoblade thoughts the next day because i was full of them but very tired however it is the next day and i forgot how to thought
#dang 😔#i can try though ig#uhh spoilers below#ok first music very good#i have not done so yet but i like to sit down and listen to the whole soundtrack after finishing a game for the first time and i am looking#forward to that very much#anyways i love stories about death#heck yeah death and fear of change and regret and insecurity and hope and also flutes#the ending with the final boss in stuff was kinda giving me pmd vibes specifically gates and super#i love pmd so this is a very good thing#also i love when villains have some connection to theatre#the n and m thing was wack#like omg a guy named n oh huh he kinda looks like noah take off ur mask dude lemme see omg it is noah!! wow evil version of main character#wait is that mio#oh snap he isnt a version of me im a version of him born from his regret and the hope that he completely lost#very cool!#after the execution stuff and i added valdi back into my party because didnt have a hero in that because ghondor joined as my hero for a bit#and then left and i put him back in and i was like hey bestie how was ur day yeah mine was pretty good i just got locked up for a month and#just sitting there full of dread and anger and sadness as the clock was ticking towards death for the girl i love and i couldnt even be near#her during this and there was no hope of escape and then we were forced to watch her fade away before getting executed and i stood over my#body and looked down on it and i was taken to a place where i saw all my past lives and how me and the girl i love fell in love each time#but i always lost her until finally i did some horrific stuff and forced her into immortality with me never asking if she wanted this#because i stopped thinking of her as a person and more like a precious possession i need to keep in my grasp and our regret was so powerful#that we were born again through hope despite our other selves still living and then i decided to try again and the other mio stopped the#other me from killing me and plot twist they body swapped and the other mio died and the mio i know lived on with the other mios body and#then the other me got a lil too silly so we beat him up#so yeah my day was pretty good how was yours#like okay!!!!!!!!#great!!!!!!#ok i reached max tags bye
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why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up
#i'm overthinking something that i did and was told off for doing by my director#and on my way home i was thinking when was the last time i was even talked to like that during a production#and then i remembered the costume experience from hell of only a couple months ago that i've already began blocking out#but the thing is that that person was someone i knew i'd never have to work with again#i mean at first i thought i would have to work with them more. then they announced they were moving away immediately#so i only had to deal with them face to face for another weekish after that point and anytime they yelled at me#i was like 'cool. i'll do exactly what you say to do. and nothing more.' but then of course me being me#i did some extra stuff and they initially were like 'oh that's pretty' and then days later told me to cut everything i added#and like sure i get that the show was frozen but girl. that costume was unfinished. i was trying to finish it. it was frozen but looked bad#anyway. whenever they yelled at me and had actual malice in their heart i was like whatever. i was hurt. but i didn't care as much.#but this time it's someone i've worked with many many times before and it was about a habit i have that i know isn't great#but at the same time the thing that prompted it wasn't even me doing this habit it was something else#but she interpreted it as that habit and said that i can't do that on a production she's directing#and that if i couldn't stop then i could pull out from the production and there'd be no hard feelings between us#and honestly i think her reassuring that she knows i'm valuable and that she wants me there while also telling me not to do this thing#and the fact that she's someone i like working with and will continue to work with just made it all hurt so much more#especially since she referenced another past production we've done where i didn't even realize she had noticed that i do this.#and i found myself in near tears. and still am kind of in near tears. i can't decide if i need to cry or not.#and i had NO sleep last night so i was looking forward to sleeping tonight but now i'm just overthinking EVERYTHING#and like. i know everything will be fine. if i just stop inserting myself and stick to just my specific tasks. it'll be fine.#but this is one of the ways my ocd manifests. i feel like i have to personally fix something i notice going wrong. or it'll be bad.#because every single time i choose to sit back and not be nosy when i notice something it ends up bad in a way i could have prevented#if i just inserted myself in a situation i technically wasn't part of but knew i could help or fix. so i just need to not do that.#but then i feel guilt if it does go wrong in the ways i immediately assumed it would and in a way i could prevent.#and i've been trying to work on this for like 6 months and aaaahhhh it's hard and being called out on it from her just really really hurt#i still may or may not cry. i don't know. the irony of me telling my therapist THIS MORNING that it's been a while since i last cried.#and the universe being like 'i took that as a challenge' and handing me this situation for me to spiral over.#i need to leave things alone. i need to stare straight ahead. and ignore whatever isn't specifically for me to do. but ahhh i want to help#and then of course my mom has this same habit and it annoys me when she does it yet i do it to other people and ahhhhhhhh#brain please just shut up. i need to sleep. i have to work tomorrow.
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I will be forever grateful i can be on this new med. it's one a lot of folks also need and can struggle to have access to! It's important i be on it, especially if i start doing any vid collabs
(some of which, really, all of which, i unfortunately actually need to cancel that were in the preplanning stages, bc the election results have me wanting to wait and see how the general atmosphere of the country is before i agree to meet up with anyone. I feel bad for cancelling, but also i just can't know for sure how safe things are/might be going forward and I'd rather avoid the potential of. ya know. various not great things that could happen at a meet up, tho i would certainly hope they wouldn't. i don't feel like actually addressing them rn, u guys know what i mean)
That said, if the truvada initial side effects could fuck off asap would be so lovely. three weeks at worst, then they should be gone/much better or so i am told. really hope that's true bc losing my mornings to being dizzy and nauseous is Not Working for me lmao. im on week two, and now understand why my new doc said to call if i needed any 'cheerleading' and support to get thru the side effects, bc apparently she's done that for several ppl to make sure they actually make it thru the three weeks and keep on it (lovely of her!!)
#text post#not going to get into the other painful smack of this morning#suffice to say that medicaid does not in fact fully cover vocal therapy/training for trans ppl#even if ur docs feel incredibly certain it is#if i was making a decent bit over minimum wage at consistent hours and already had my current debts paid off mostly#then I'd happily consider paying the chunk Medicaid won't cover but as of now#it would literally be basically two paychecks if not three to cover the estimate for this first visit#and that's only if the poll would have us polling every week like we did before the election#otherwise we're guesstimating it would be upwards of 4 paychecks to cover it#I'm actually gonna get into in here bc nobody reads all my tag essays (fair valid and correct)#im really sad abt this. my voice gets me clocked a lot and while i can mostly handle like. visually being clocked#my voice giving me away genuinely makes me feel a pain in my chest. i can't get my customer service voice to go lower yet#and even if it's my usual voice I've made minimal progress on my own self done vocal study stuff#so like. no one knows how high it was compared to how it is now tho so no one actually hears it as anything near deep#which it isn't but like. there's been a slightly barely there drop of it per at least a couple ppl in my life#i was probably going to be able to learn how to sing again and find my new range. I'd fix my customer service voice#even if it would only ever be a teeny bit lower than how it is now. it would be lovely#im not gonna get too down tho bc someday hopefully I'll be able to make it happen/afford it#and for now...im doing the bad thing of not cancelling the appt yet#i will bc they're booking out for months and it isn't right of me to take a spot i know i can't keep#but. let me pretend i can for another day or two. maybe until monday. then I'll call or msg them on mychart#and let them know i just don't have the funds rn tho i do deeply appreciate that Medicaid at least pays part of it#im just not at a point where i can cover the rest but that I'll reschedule/have a new referral sent whenever that changes#...and hopefully things in this country will be of such a state that such care is still available to ppl like me.#but that's all we're saying on that bc im already having a pathetic little cry over this#(im fine the med side effects have me crying over everything lol i see a sad commercial and Instant Tears like someone died lmaooo)
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fingers crossed but it looks like i'm starting to stabilize. i had a relatively normal day yesterday, and while i still had more drastic mood swings than i would have at baseline, i wasn't overly manic and i also didn't feel suicidal when going to bed so i was able to fall asleep pretty quickly and without music at full volume in my headphones. i woke up naturally this morning around 8am instead of 4am or sleeping until someone wakes me up to tell me it's already noon and i feel pretty rested and able to focus. i'm almost caught up on my quantitative reasoning homework assignments and i'll be back up to being ahead of the class content wise.
i see my psychiatrist in a week so i'm going to keep monitoring it and let the new dosage adjust to my system but maybe, just maybe, my bipolar 1 is starting to recede!
#knock on wood and all that stuff#but it's the first day in two months where i just feel like a normal person#i really hope im over the hump on this one#spending two and a half months in fight or flight has absolutely destroyed my nervous system and general body functioning#it has made my chronic pain so bad i feel weak i can't eat solid foods properly like im wasting away because my body can't handle#such rapid changes all the time#but i feel okay today#i also have an idea for my next tattoo that i'll get in a few months once i move out#ive been really attached to the song summertime by my chemical romance through this whole crisis#and theres a line that says 'you can write this on your arm'#and im gonna take that literally#and get 'in the dark' on one arm and 'out of harm' on the other near my elbows#gerard way stopped me from kms many times and its a crime i dont have an mcr tattoo yet tbh#ive wanted one for so long#but now i know exactly what i want#its such a clear image in my mind#anyway im done rambling#ghost.txt#suicidal ideation#<- i mentioned it so im tagging
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not looking forward to potentially working 12-15 days in a row at my supposedly part time job
#the guy who works closing is on holiday#and the girl who was going to cover most of his shift's husband died right as he left#and there aren't enough staff with two gone to cover them all without me so I'm helping with that#and a bit before he gets back one of the cake decorators is going on holiday#and just as all this is happening the other decorator who always calls in sick and hardly gets anything done during the week#and doesn't seem to get why everyone is always mad at her finally quit#so I'm the only decorator for a while and the new girl is NOWHERE NEAR being able to handle a shift alone yet#tbh I'd kinda been secretly wishing she would quit for a long time now but could ya have picked a better time 😑#I don't wanna think it's malicious but I've been told she doesn't like me and I don't doubt it with how all her sick days conveniently#landed on days where I'd be the only one who could cover or I'd be forced to work alone on a weekend
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"Why..."
The next Destiny Bond update,,, is currently in progress,,,🚶♀️
–> Check out the latest part here 🔷 –> New to the series? Follow from the start! 💜
#Destiny Bond is a comic series where nothing bad whatsoever happens and everyone is fine actually#/unless#hey remember where this comic actually started I sure suddenly doSJDFHSNDFSNS /LH#drawing this update specifically near Valentines has to be one of the most on-brand yet funniest things I've done tbh#there's still a lot of polishing to go so don't worry it won't be out for a while SKDJFNSKJDFSD#my pages keep getting more and more webtoon-like so much so I kept thinking of the 'do you love the colors of the sky' post when making thi#I'm so sorry y'all I just gotta take advantage of tumblr's scrolling format it just worksdjfnsdns#Destiny Bond comicverse#/update in progress#sacredshipping#morty x eusine#morty/eusine#gym leader morty#morty pokemon#eusine#eusine pokemon#mystery man eusine#pokemon#pokemon hgss#pokemon gsc#pokemon fancomic#fancomic
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been making concepts for magical girl adukin au.. i am forming a semi-consistent plot & having fun.. i might draw some other characters in magical girl outfits even if ive sort of laid out what the "canon" magical girls are for the au, but idk who i would draw.. maybe fusakin and syumitaro because well. ones a balloon with a human body and the other is God
#ekurambles#i really like this au if i am being honest even if it is just for funsies.. been working on it inbetween doodles and requests#i have a lot of things jotted down on how adukin even like.. became a magical girl in the first place#& i definitely think it could tie into her feelings in the maingame after the events of mo3#with her feeling like she wasnt as good of a person as jack is but instead of getting manipulated by mdcr#she sacrifices her own selfworth to act more like a hero and force herself to be someone she isnt (“magical girl adu”)#rather than accept who she is and not try to live as a cheap copy of someone who already loves & cares abt her *for* who she is.#taking on a much more dangerous nightlife as a magical girl just to feel like she can amount to any of what jack has done#& that'd probably also lead into jack and his magical boy form where he just wants to help protect her even though adukin hates that idea#she knows she can protect herself and she knows jack isnt trying to say that shes weak (he thinks shes really fucking strong)#but she cant accept his help without accepting herself first otherwise shes just going to keep comparing herself to someone-#-who already thinks shes perfect as the foulmouthed yet kind numa that she is#+ the whole thing with bachikin being the villain shes trying to defeat even if she doesnt know that#because like. she loves bachikin. it is an adubachi-based au afterall#bachikin is only doing these things to create what she thinks is a perfect world#where it's just her and adukin and nobody can judge them or keep them apart#shes been an awful person in the past and she doesnt know how to handle these emotions shes feeling#so she thinks that she has to deal with it the same way that she's dealt with all of her problems in the past#taking what she wants (adukin) and not letting anyone else near her#and bachikin is completely unaware that adukin is the one trying to stop her from doing this#probably in part because she doesnt want to believe that adukin wouldnt also want to live in that idealized world shes created for them-#-in her mind.#...Ok i gotta shut the fuck up this is way too long.
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Just saw the video and commentary you posted around the poverty cosplaying and I just want to add that there used to be a different place in Arkansas that did a similar thing, sorta. It was through a charity organization that shifted focus so they no longer run the program, but they used to have a "global village" where people would get assigned different regions of the world to live in by lottery with a couple key differences. First, they used actual names of actual countries and provided actual information about the country/culture. Secondly, it wasn't for mission training but instead was meant to be an educational tool to help middle school and high school students to consider how existing in different global and socio-economic circumstances change your decision making etc. and in depth discussion and educational activities were facilitated frequently. I went there as part of an overnight high school trip and while in retrospect the "poverty cosplaying" does give me the ick I still feel like that particular program was informative. Mostly I'm shook that two distinct programs like this exist in AR? I've literally never heard of the Harding one from the video until now and went on a Google deep dive to see if they were connected in some way, but not that I can tell. Anyway, no deep thoughts really, just thought it was super interesting/weird.
There is something in the water over there in Arkansas man lol. I can never learn just some normal fact about AR, it's always something weird.
I totally understand wanting to create more empathy for those who live in poverty, especially in teenagers who are in a really formative years of their lives. And it's one thing to replicate conditions in your immediate area which you are intimately familiar with, but I just can't get on board with play-acting poverty in different areas of the world. I just think about how I'd feel if some religious group in another country tried to replicate my life experience for shock value.
Even replicating the conditions semi-well can't replicate the actual stakes faced by the people they're cosplaying. You can't replicate the stress of a single mother working 2 jobs and supporting 3 kids in a one-room house, you can't replicate the stress of food insecurity and legitimately being worried about when your next meal will be, etc etc. And something about pretending to do them when you can just go back to normal life at any time just feels disrespectful in a way I can't really articulate.
Idk if people get something from it that's great and I do get the thinking behind the one you described at least, I'm mostly still ranting about the first camp lol. I don't have any doubt that some of the people running the camp you went to had good intentions (the other one though I'm really not sure based on the town names) I just have a lot of mixed experience in Christian missionary culture where poverty is treated voyeuristically which is just definitely the vibe I got from the first camp.
#idk my dad grew up really really poor and i live in an area with a lot of poverty and so maybe i'm just overly touchy about it#but so much of the “philanthropic” culture i experienced in Christianity was making an other out of poor people#it's hard for me to really articulate well i feel but it was just this disconnect like we are different. we are the saviors.#we're on a different level. when in reality i mean everyone is an arm's length away from being in a bad situation in the right circumstance#i think the fact that a lot of the missionary work we did too was just classic surface level stuff like putting a bandaid on a gaping wound#kind of stuff that never addresses the root issues of poverty left a bad taste in my mouth for the community too#my church in particular has had this fundraising event every year for 80 years for the same area in africa building infrastructure and its#like....it's been damn near a century. how has this goal not been accomplished yet like where is this money going too??#why have the missionaries in question seemed to make so little progress#idk ok im done lol i havent ranted in the tags in so long
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Stayed up until 1:00am to finish the last two hours of Thud!
You’d think I’d be prepared after seven books for Vimes to do something in the last act that has me on the edge of my seat holding my breath, until against all odds, the universe blinks first and I’m bowled over again by the heights of integrity one brave old terrier from the gutter can rise to. Still, I am surprised every time.
#my heart was BREAKING at this one oh my god that man loves his family so much#Death had a fucking near-Vimes experience YES! YES!!!!#Vimes surviving purely out of love and duty to his son#even bleeding out and battered trapped in a lightless labyrinth#the man refused to lay down and die#I’m not ready for this series to be over#so much has changed and shifted both with the characters and the world it’s amazing looking back where it all started#honestly my current plan is to just go back and reread Guards! Guards! as soon as I’m done to get the full circle picture#who knows if I’ll stop there#what I know is these books are staying with me into the future#and hey I’m not even halfway yet through the full Discworld series lmao I’ve got time left to go#and people seem to love the other ones too#I am SO glad I didn’t leave Discworld after I finished the Death series#all I know is I’m going to miss my boy Sam like nothing else. One of my favorite protagonists of all time#and the Penguin Audio productions have just brought the world into color they’re incredible#just all around absolutely brilliant books god I’m in love with them#discworld#spilling the Tea
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tfw your Buddy Daddies angst fic takes a hard left turn into "Kazuki, Rei, and Miri visit a cat cafe"
#buddy daddies#somebody help my fics are running away with me#this was supposed to be angsty#idk where the fluff came from#this chapter is 3k words and counting and we ain't anywhere near done yet#temporary
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