#it's my grandma's birthday today and i miss her quite a lot

[abiiors]

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[kiszka-jake]

Road Not Taken

Road not taken: A Jake Kiszka fan fic

Summary: Katie and Jake broke up right before he made it big, and she’s been keeping one big secret from him ever since.

Katie’s POV-October 2023

“Mommy?” 

I rolled over to see my daughter standing by the side of the bed.

“Will you tell me a story about my daddy again?”

I smiled at her and pulled the blanket back. She giggled as she took a running leap onto the bed and snuggled in next to me. 

“If your daddy was here right now, he would be having so much fun teaching you how to ride your bike without training wheels. And he would definitely teach you how to play guitar” 

She looked wistfully up at me with her big brown eyes and a part of my heart broke. She loves when I tell her things about her dad, but she hates hearing what she’s missing out on. 

“Do you think he’ll be done with his secret mission soon and come home?”

I stared at the ceiling while she waited for my answer. I know I shouldn’t lie to her, but she’s only four. It’s better to tell a four year old that her dad’s a secret agent than it is to tell her the truth. I finally mustered up a smile and looked back down at her.

“Maybe! But you know he’s traveling to a lot of places on his current assignment.”

She seemed satisfied with my answer as her eyes started to close. I ran my fingers through her brown curls and picked up my phone to see a call from my best friend Grace. 

She didn’t even wait for me to say hello before she started speaking.

“The new Greta tour is sold out. I know I’ve been telling you this for years, but that money is Lyla’s too and I know you don’t let anyone help you but it-“

I had to cut her off or she would go on forever. Lyla’s dad and his money (and my lack thereof) is one of her favorite topics. 

“Gracie. Do you really think I’m going to call him up after not speaking for five years and just say ‘Hey Jake. Crazy story. You actually have a daughter and she really wants ballet lessons and a puppy, but I’m broke and can’t give her everything she wants. Mind sending some of your rockstar money this way?’ I don’t think that would go over well.”

She let out a long sigh and took a moment to reply. 

“I know, I know, I know. I only say it because I love you and Lyla and I want the best for both of you.”

“I know.”

We let the comfortable silence fill the air as we lingered on the call. Sometimes it’s just nice to know your best friend is there and ready to listen. 

“I really just wanted to call and say I’m excited to see you guys tomorrow.” 

I couldn’t hold back the smile growing on my face as I spoke. 

“I can’t wait to be back home either. Lyla can’t stop talking about going to Bronners again. I don’t know why she likes it so much.” 

“And her Auntie Gracie will gladly walk around the whole store and let her pick out whatever she wants for her birthday. 

We hung up the phone and it was just me alone with my thoughts. Going back to Frakenmuth always fills me with anxiety. I’ll forever be known as ‘the girl who broke up with a rockstar and got pregnant by a rando and dropped out of Harvard’. Quite a title to live up to…especially when it’s not the truth. 

I turned and watched Lyla sleep. She reminds me of him so much. They have the same eyes and the same big smile that is only reserved for the most special moments. As I started to fall asleep, all I could think about was all the memories waiting for me in Michigan.

———————————————————

“Mommy I see grandma and grandpa and Aunt Gracie!” Lyla shouted as we walked out of the airport. I looked ahead to see them excitedly waving and I let go of her hand to let her run ahead. 

My dad spun her around and put her on his shoulders while my mom yelled at him to be careful. “There’s my birthday girl!” My dad yelled as he reached a hand up to tickle her. Lyla laughed and put her arms around his neck. 

“It’s not my birthday today, Grandpa.” She said between her giggles. 

“Gosh sorry Ly. I thought you looked 5 years old already.” 

“You know, ever since Lyla was born you guys never get excited to see me anymore.” I joked as I hugged my mom. “You’re just old news now.” My mom said in reply. I felt my anxiety fade as I watched the happiness on Lyla’s face grow. I had every right to be here. This is my home too, and I have nothing to be scared of. Jake should be off somewhere getting ready for tour. 

“I did tell Lyla if she was good the whole flight you guys would take her for ice cream.” My dad smirked at me, “she could’ve been horrible and we would take her anyway.” I started walking away with Grace and turned around to wave. “We’ll meet you back home soon!” Lyla didn’t even say goodbye because she was too busy soaking up attention from her favorite people. 

Grace raised an eyebrow at me as she unlocked the car,” Kroger stop for cookies?”

“You have to ask?”

We blasted the radio on the way to the store  and it was like we were 16 again. I was still riding my child free high in the cookie aisle when it came crashing down.

“Katie?” 

I instantly recognized the voice. How could I not? It was the voice of the woman that was basically my second mother for years. I slowly turned around and smiled at Jake’s mom. The anxiety was back as I looked into the eyes of the kindest woman, who doesn’t know she has a granddaughter that would absolutely adore her. 

“Hi Mrs. kiszka, how are you?” Gracie glanced at me, probably wondering why I was being so formal after all these years. 

She scoffed at me while saying “you know it’s just Karen to you.” 

“Of course” I smiled awkwardly.

“We’ve missed seeing you around here. Last time I saw your mom she said you were still in Boston?” 

She was smiling at me so warmly, and I felt my cheeks getting red at the thought of this woman I respected hearing all the gossip about me. 

I laughed a little as I began “yeah, I had to drop out of college but I’m still in Boston with my daughter.” 

Her smile still didn’t waver as she reached out for my hand. “She did spend most of the conversation gushing about your daughter. She sounds like a great little girl.” 

I started to smile too, “Her name is Lyla. She’s turning 5 this week and she really is amazing. I’m still planning on going back to school, I just haven’t had the time.” 

Grace could tell I was still a little nervous, and interjected. “Yeah, Katie is the best mom. Too bad Lyla’s dad is a POS or she could’ve graduated by now.” 

Karen let out one of her signature booming laughs right in the middle of Kroger. I gave Gracie a side eye, but was also silently grateful for her boldness. 

“Yeah he was just a typical Harvard douche.” I said. Karen gave me a sympathetic look as she let go of my hand. 

“I’m sorry I never reached out to you when she was born. We were all just so busy with the band picking up and then life got in the way. The boys are in town this week for a visit and we’re going to have a little get together. You should come and bring Lyla. We would all love to meet her.”

I felt like I couldn’t breathe at the mention of the boys being here at the same time as me. 

“Aren’t they on tour?” Was all I managed to get out.

“Not yet.” She titled her head a little and came closer. “Whatever happened between you and Jake years ago is between the two of you, but you know you’ll always be another daughter to me and I would love to reconnect. We all would.” 

I couldn’t let her take all the blame for our distance. I would’ve ignored her if she had reached out. “I’m sorry for ghosting all of you too. Our relationship meant a lot to me and it was separate from Jake. You know I’ve always loved your family.”

We hugged each other again as she started talking. “So come tomorrow and we can start over.” 

“We will if we’re free”

She seemed satisfied with my answer as she turned to keep walking down the aisle.

We stood there in silence until she moved and Grace kept her eyes on me. 

“I don’t want Jake to meet Lyla.” I whispered as I tightened my grip on the cookies in my hand. 

She took the cookies from my hands and looked me in the eyes.

“He already knows she exists and he’s a self absorbed douche now so he won’t put it together.  It’ll be okay.”

————————————-

Jake’s POV-October 2023

I came up from the basement to see my mom bringing in the grocery bags. 

“Did you get everything we need for tomorrow?”

She was smiling at me like she had a secret. She put the hamburger buns away and ignored my question. 

“Is that a yes or a no?”

She turned around with a chip bag in her hands and beamed at me.

“Guess who I saw at Kroger”

I sighed as I tried to think of an answer. I hated playing this game when it could be anyone from the town.

“I don’t know maybe Susan that used to cut our hair when we were 5?”

She rolled her eyes at me as she put the chips away. 

“No, I saw Katie and Grace. Katie’s in town visiting her parents with her daughter. I invited them to come tomorrow.”

My head snapped up at the mention of Katie coming over tomorrow.

“Why would you do that?” 

She turned her head and squinted her eyes at me.

She began to speak slowly “You know..Katie had a similar reaction when I invited her. Are you ever going to tell us what happened between you two? You were always so cute together.”

I grabbed a banana from the Kroger bags and took a bite to avoid answering. She wasn’t letting me get away without an answer though. She stood and waited for me to finish chewing. 

“That’s private information” 

——————————-

Katie’s POV-October 2018

“It hurts so bad Mom.” I groaned while squeezing her hand. My mom pushed my sweaty hair back with her free hand and smiled down at me. 

“I know it does. But it’ll be over soon and you’ll have a beautiful baby.” 

The pain passed again as my dad walked through the door. I could tell he was still uncomfortable with the whole situation and couldn’t believe this was happening. He cleared his throat while he stared at my stomach.

“Are you sure you don’t want us to call the dad? We don’t care who it is, but he should be here with you.”

“David.” My mom said disapprovingly. “Is now really the time for this discussion again?” 

I couldn’t meet my parents eyes as I prepared myself to lie to them again.

“I told you, it’s just some random guy I met in class that I went out with a few times. He’s not interested in being a dad right now.” 

My dad was silent as he stared out the window. He was so proud of me when I got accepted into Harvard, and ever since I told him I was pregnant and dropping out, he’s been quiet. 

The door suddenly burst open as Grace ran in the room. “I’m here, I’m here!” She yelled while yanking her suitcase through the doorway. She was panting as she looked around the room at all of us.

“Glad to see you’re still ginormous. Guess that means I haven’t missed the birth of my niece.”

“Or nephew.” I replied with a laugh. 

“No it’s definitely a girl. She and I already have a connection so I just know.”

My mom smiled as she embraced Grace in a tight hug and turned to me. 

“I still can’t believe you didn’t want to know the gender.” 

Grace gave me a glance and I half smiled at my mom.

“I like surprises” I said in reply.

I actually hate surprises. I didn’t find out because Jake always said he wanted to be surprised like his parents were for him and his siblings. 

Gracie gave my hand a reassuring squeeze as she read my mind. She’s the only person on the planet that knows Jake’s the dad. 

After a few more hours, the doctor said it was finally time to push. My dad went outside to wait and my mom and Grace stood on either side of me.

I heard the crying first and then I heard Grace screaming it’s a girl. The nurse placed her on my chest and I looked down at the most beautiful thing I ever created. I felt an insane amount of love and peace while I held her little hand. She was always meant to be mine, and I was meant to be hers. 

——————— 

Later that night when everyone left, it was just me and her alone for the first time. 

“I’m your mom” I whispered to her in the dark. I watched her little chest rise and fall as she snuggled against me. “I don’t know how we’re going to do this, but I promise you’ll alway be happy.”

A nurse opened the door and stuck her head in. “Just wanted to make sure you guys are good in here.” 

I nodded at her as I started to hear the music that was playing in the hallway. I would know that voice anywhere considering I heard it everyday for years. 

She was turning to leave when I asked.

“Excuse me, do you know what song this is?” 

She looked excited as she turned back around to tell me. 

“The new Greta Van Fleet album came out today and it’s all we’ve been listening to. This one is called You’re The One. Have you ever heard of them?”

“No, I don’t think I have.” 

“You should check them out sometime, they’re really great.” She said as she pulled the door closed.

I looked down at the baby sleeping peacefully in my arms. “You were born on your daddy’s album release day.” 

Jake’s POV-October 2018

“Jake hurry up and get ready.” I looked up to see Josh in the doorway. I stood up, grabbed my drink and downed it in two seconds. He gave me a look and I knew what he was thinking. 

“Come on man. We’re certified rockstars now. This is what we do. Sex, drugs and rock n roll, right?” 

He kept staring at me as he answered. “Yeah, but I don’t want you to forget why you wanted to do this in the first place. Ever since you and Katie broke up you’ve been like this.”

“You gotta stop bringing her up.”

Every time someone mentioned her name, I felt like I needed a drink. Maybe I have needed more drinks this year, but she broke me. That’s what she does to people. 

We headed to the side stage and waited while we were being introduced to the crowd. It’s our album release party, I need to focus. We just need to do the Q&A and preform a few songs and then I can have another drink. 

One of the production assistants that was at our ep release walked by and stopped to talk.

“Congrats on the album, it’s awesome.”

I muttered a thank you as I shook his hand. 

“Is your girlfriend here for this one too? I can get her a good spot again.”

I mentally rolled my eyes and tried to not let my annoyance show. 

“She’s not here man, but thank you.”

I can’t escape that girl today. 

The crowd started screaming as we walked onto the stage. I sat next to josh and let him take over answering the fan questions while I nodded and laughed when it was needed. 

“Jake?” 

I snapped my head up to Sam looking at me expectantly. A girl in the crowd cleared her throat and spoke into the microphone again.  

“Sam just said you wrote most of You’re The One, so I was just wondering who it’s about” she was blushing and twirling her hair around while she stared at me. 

I made myself laugh a little before I began, “I suppose it can be about whoever you want it to be, but I wouldn’t say it was written with anyone in mind. Just a general feeling of longing.” 

That was a lie. It was written for and about one person. I heard the other questions being asked, but all I could think about was her. Her long brown hair that she always begged me to braid, the way she covered her mouth to laugh when Josh said something stupid, her green eyes filled with so much joy when she watched me on stage. The crowd cheered again as we started to get up to play. I walked over to my guitar and felt a peace when my fingers touched the strings. This guitar was always meant to be mine, and I was always meant for this. 

I looked out into the crowd and spotted the girl that asked me a question. I smiled shyly at her and figured I could find her at the after party. I’m not going to let Katie ruin this night for me too. It's not everyday you get to release an album. 

HI! I started to post this story awhile ago and got busy with life. I have the first 5 chapters ready to go, so I thought I would start posting again :)

[simslegacy5083]

Today's (11/6/2024) Episode: Friendly Birthday Fun

Luigi and his family had been reminded that their lives were better together, and shortly afterwards they found themselves celebrating the friendships they’d made with others.

Luigi had recently grown closer to his family, and his relationships with his childhood friends were also changing as they grew.

First came Bruce’s birthday, and unfortunately, he turned out to be even more of a troublemaker as a teen. After his cake he snuck up on his two sensitive friends while they were playing pretend pirates and scared them so badly that they both started to cry.

“You’re the worst!” Elyse fumed as Bruce laughed. “Come on Skye, let’s go play on the swings away from this big bully.”

“Hey, don’t be like that” Bruce called, running after them. “How about we all go snorkeling? I promise I won’t scare you again!” He enjoyed messing with the others, but he’d play any game with them rather than be forced to spend his birthday hanging out with his parents and their adult friends!

He mostly played nicely the rest of the night, and the next evening he called to invite Skye to some sort of shady contest he’d learned about. The anxious young sim was smart enough to turn down his offer “Yeah, I don’t think my parents would like me doing something like that.”

“Your loss kid!” Bruce replied, “It sounds like it’s going to be epic, and because I’m not a little chicken, I guess I’ll just tell you how it went!”

Skye mentioned the odd invitation to his parents the next morning at breakfast, and his dad got quite upset.

“You did the right thing saying no and telling us. That doesn’t sound safe at all!” Once Skye left the table, Luigi asked Noemi to keep an eye on their son while he walked down the beach to see Beau. “I need to talk to him about that boy of his. I should have done it ages ago.”

His friend knew all about Bruce’s misadventure. “He said he was heading to a sleepover, but I caught him sneaking in this morning, beat all to dwam. I was yelling at him when I realized he was slurring his words and having trouble breathing. The clinic said he has a concussion and 2 broken ribs!”

“I’m sorry to hear that” Luigi replied, “I hope he feels better soon, and I’m sure glad Skye turned down his invitation to come along.”

Beau was appalled. “He tried to bring a child into whatever blood sport went on last night!? I don’t know what’s gotten into him lately. He’s always been a bit of a wild child, but this is completely unacceptable. Breanne and I are going to ground him until he’s ready for college!”

Luigi didn’t have the heart to tell Beau about the other unkind behavior Skye had reported. His friend was clearly already dealing with enough, and childhood pranks were nothing next to whatever the young reprobate was into these days.

Bruce was still grounded when Elyse’s birthday came along, so it was just the younger kids at Isra’s place for the party.

Hers was a joint celebration with her younger twin siblings who were also aging up, but Elyse seemed to be hiding from the festivities. “I’m not really feeling much like celebrating, to be honest” she told Skye. “Grandpar Wren just died, and I miss them too much to have fun right now.”

“I’m so sorry.” Skye sympathized “I just lost my grandma too. I loved her a lot and it’s hard not being able to talk to her all the time like I used to.”

He gave his friend a big hug and the two young sims sat talking quietly waiting for it to be Elyse’s turn to blow out her candles and open gifts.

“This wasn’t how I hoped she’d spend her party” Isra told Noemi, watching the pair from a short distance away “but she seems happier talking to Skye than she has been all weekend. Talking to you about losing my par made a big difference, and I guess a close friend is a blessing at every age.”

Noemi gave Isra an understanding smile. “We’re just down the beach if you need anything. I just hope our babies can stay so close as Elyse heads into high school and her teenage years ahead of my boy. It’s a big change and I really could have used some good friends when I went through it.”

Not long after that Elyse blew out her candles and spun her way into teendom.

Skye’s closest friends were once again both moving on to a different age stage without him, but Elyse’s friendly hug gave him hope that she wouldn’t completely forget about him while he was patiently waiting to join them.

View The Full Story of My Not So Berry Challenge Here

[adri-2022]

Home

Fandom: Chicago PD

Characters: Jay Halstead x Daughter!Reader / Gregg “Mouse” Gerwitz / OC Lucy Henderson

Warnings: Fluff

Word count: 1256

Jay Halstead Materlist

A/N: Hi my beautiful people. Here is another original imagine. I hope everyone is doing great. Also portraying Lucy Henderson is Meryl Streep. Sending love 💕

Don’t be afraid to leave your comment!

———————

Two years. It had been two years since the last time you saw your father or talked to him. You were now 16 years old, and had changed a lot both physically and mentally. Your dad was a ranger in the military and was currently deployed in a top secret mission, hence why you couldn’t contact him. Which made you scared and anxious, terrified that one day someone would knocking on your door saying he died. You were put in homeschooling before your dad deployed, assuring your safety.

But who took care of you while your dad was gone? Well, that would be sweet Lucy Henderson, your next door neighbor, who didn’t hesitate to be your guardian. After all she was a widow and didn’t have any kids. In her own words “your dad is my son and you are my granddaughter”. She was like the grandma figure you no longer had and also the only feminine figure in your life -she was a very important part of your daily life-.

Today was another normal day in Lucy’s household you had woken up early Friday, and no school. So you thought about painting or drawing just to pass time. And essentially forget about the fact that you really felt disconnected.

“Nana have you seen my drawing notebook?” you asked walking in the kitchen where Lucy was cocking an apple pie. At your voice she turned around smiling before turning all the way to face you.

“Yes honey, I believe you left it in the porch swing” Lucy answered pointing to the swing through the window. You loved to be there, just spend afternoons looking at the passing cars, the parents and their kids.

“Right sorry” you answered sitting down on the stool, sad look on your face. Lucy knew exactly what was going through your mind, because quite frankly it was going through hers as well.

“I miss him too sweet pie” she said reaching over the counter to hold your hands.

“I wish he was here right now. I just want to hug him nana” you whispered, whipping the tears that managed to escape your eyes. You felt like if more time went by, the more strangers you would be to each other, you missed your dad like crazy. She smiled at you before kissing your hands, making you smile. You stood up rounding the kitchen aisle and giving her a bear hug to which she chuckled. Breaking the hug you made your way to your room in her house and she went back to backing.

Meanwhile in a bus reaching Chicago another conversation was being held. One army ranger holding a picture of a girl in his hand, a sweet smile on his face in anticipation. It was a picture of you in your 14th birthday right before he left.

“When was the last time you saw her?” Mouse -your dads new best friend asked- making Jay turn to look at him, shaking his head before answering

“2 years, 8 months and 10 days” Jay answered smirking at the fact that it wouldn’t be longer than an hour until he would get the chance to see his little girl, who wasn’t little anymore.

“Man she must be excited” Mouse laughed slightly looking at Jay, who looked down not answering. You would be, right?

“I hope” Jay answered making Mouse furrow his eyebrows.

“What do you mean?” he asked, to which Jay sighed.

“She doesn’t know. Haven’t talked to her since the day I left, couldn’t- couldn’t talk to her. I really hope she forgives me- you know two years can do a lot to someone. And I wasn’t there so I can only pray she can forgive me” with that Jay looked out the window, Mouse leaving the conversation behind at the change of mood.

To say Jay was terrified was underestimating things. Standing in front of Lucy’s house Jay’s hands could only shake at the anticipation. Mouse had tried to calm him down but nothing work on his friend. Mouse was there in moral support -knowing Jay would need it- and he was also going to be staying at Jay’s house for a while.

“Do you want me to knock?” Mouse asked him, to which Jay nodded. Knocking on the door Mouse looked back at his friend at the bottom of the steps, waiting when an old woman appeared, smile falling instantly at the sight of the soldier. She took a deep breath before speaking,

“If it is bad news I don’t want to call her just yet” she said tears coming to her eyes, to which Mouse shook his head smiling a little before stepping aside for her to see Jay’s standing figure at the bottom of the steps.

“Oh goodness grace…I knew it!” Lucy laughed, moving to hug him, Jay chuckling at the sight of her.

“Oh my boy. Look at you” Jay smiled sweetly at the woman while she had a hand on his cheek looking for any kind of bruising. After a moment she smiled sweetly at him relieved her boy was back and in one piece, or at least physically.

“You alright?” she asked with a serious look, he nodded slightly.

“I will be. H-how is she?” he asked nervously, hearing Lucy laugh. She knew by his body language that he was very much scared, Lucy could always tell,

“Sassy, sweet- so beautiful, bigger…” she said before turning around to the house,

“Y/N! Come down here hon!” Lucy shouted to you. Hearing her call you, you assumed it was to eat that delicious pie.

“Coming!” running down the stairs you were met with the front door opened giving you full view of who was standing at the bottom of the front steps. Lucy and another guy slightly to the side. You felt how your body freezed, forgeting how to function, you didn’t even know you were crying until a sob escaped your lips.

“Is that your little girl?” Mouse leaned whispering to Jay, who smiled bigger than ever,

“That’s my little girl” he said taking his gaze away from you looking at Mouse, who was met with the most proud expression he has ever seen, before being pulled away by a scream.

“DAD!” with that Jay was met with a body colliding onto his, air leaving his lungs for a moment. Right before coconut shampoo and vanilla perfume invaded his senses. Not hesitating twice to wrap his not so little girl in a much needed, much anticipated embrace. Pulling away, Jay’s hands went to your face, putting the piece of hair that escaped behind your ears giving him the best view he has ever seen. The view he missed like crazy. The sight of his favorite person in the whole world, his daughter.

“You’re home…” you said giving him a teary smile to which he matched, kissing the top of her head without taking his hands off her face.

“You kept your promise” you sobbed giving him a relieved yet teary smile,

“You look so big baby” he whispered between laughs looking at you with heart eyes while brushing your head with so much love it made you want to cry again. This made you giggle slightly before hugging his waist again. Jay placed his nose in your head, closing his eyes. This was what home felt like.

“I’m home” Jay nodded tears running down his cheeks and the biggest smile he’s ever shared with the world.

[literaturehoeenergy]

Opportunity Pt 3

pairing: Corpse Husband x fem!reader

genre: domestic fluff baybeeeee

warnings: might give you a toothache, v sweet

word count: 1, 288

a/n: this is part 3! Wow! It’s very domestic and fluffy because that is my favorite thing about any relationship soooo... I hope you like it!

part 1  part 2

Y/N’s POV

After I ran into Corpse in the coffee shop, he’d been making an effort to see me in person quite often. And I wanted to make sure he was okay, so I was happy to venture over to his apartment with dinner basically every day. Today I decided to make it myself that way he could have some leftovers when I wasn’t there. I knocked on the door, adjusting my grip on the pan of lasagna balanced on my hip. Corpse opened the door quickly, his eyes crinkled at the sides signaling that he was smiling. He still kept a mask on until I was in the apartment, in case there was anybody in the hallway.

“Hey,” he said, quickly moving to grab the pan from me so I could come in. I followed him into the kitchen and accepted the hug he offered me, rubbing my hands up and down his back before leaning back to smile up at him. “I missed you.”

“It’s only been like, maybe 15 hours.” He rolled his eyes, chuckling and releasing me. “But I missed you too.” He wrapped me into a hug again, nuzzling into my neck before he took his mask off finally. He was so good looking, I felt honored that he was so willing to show me his face so fast. I grabbed a couple plates from the cabinet and served each of us at the table. “How was your day?”

“It was okay, I did some editing, took a nap. I’m supposed to stream with everyone in like an hour.” I nodded, basically inhaling my lasagna. “Were you hungry?” He laughed.

“Look, this is my grandma’s recipe for lasagna and it’s my favorite. She used to make it for me every year for my birthday. But now that I’m an adult, I can make it whenever I want to.” He was laughing even harder now. “Just eat it, you will understand. I made it with looovveeee,” I said teasingly, grabbing his hand across the table. His thumb brushed across my knuckles as he took his first bite. I waited anxiously as he judged my favorite meal of all time. 

“Okay.” He started playing with my fingers as he set his fork down. “That’s the best lasagna I’ve ever had.”

“I TOLD YOU!” We were silent for the rest of our meal, occasionally glancing up at each other. He stood with me as I grabbed the plates, leaning on his island behind the sink. I felt his hands on my hips as I was washing the dishes. “Yeeeesss?” I asked, leaning back slightly so that I was against his chest. 

“You’re really great, you know that?” 

“Yeah, I guess so.” He set his chin on my shoulder, wrapping his arms all the way around my waist. 

“I’m serious.” I turned the sink off, drying my hands and turning to face him. “You’re amazing.”

“So are you,” I smiled, setting my hands on his shoulders. He hadn’t kissed me yet, but to be fair I hadn’t kissed him either. It felt like this would be the moment. Maybe. Possibly. I was getting nervous, my hands falling to his chest and playing with the strings of his hoodie. I couldn’t look at him right then. But I could feel his eyes on me, his hands were gripping at my t-shirt, pulling me closer. This is it.

I looked up and met his eyes. They were so gentle, and a small smile was on his lips. He started leaning down and my eyes started closing, and it was going to happen. Then…

                                    *brrrrriiiiiiiinnnnnnnggggggg*

He sighed, setting his forehead on my shoulder. “Hold on, don’t move.” I stayed at the sink, fiddling with my rings while he answered his phone in the living room. “Hey, what’s up?” I looked up and his back was to me, one hand in his hair while the other held his phone up to his ear. “Yeah, no I’m totally down. I, uh, I don’t think she’ll be able to join today actually…” He looked back to me, nodding his head for me to come his direction. I walked over, slipping under his arm and hugging around his waist. “Well, you can ask her yourself.” He put his phone on speaker and whispered for me to talk.

“Uh, hi?”

“Y/N!” Sean exclaimed. “Why can’t you get on and play with us?”

“Oh, I’m not home. I’m at Corpse’s place.”

“Oh really?” I glanced up at Corpse, his cheeks turning pink as I’m sure mine were. “You seem to be over there a lot recently.”

“Yeah, I just… like to hang out with him. And I feed him and make sure he’s okay.” He smiled, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. 

“All right, all right. Well, I’ll see you on the Discord call in a little while then. Love you, Y/N.”

“Love you too.” Corpse hung up the phone and tossed it on the couch, wrapping his arms around my waist again. “He’s suspicious,” I laughed. He scrunched his nose up, shrugging. 

“Let him be suspicious.” I set my hands on his cheeks, smiling. 

“You’re so handsome.”

“Stoooooop.” I rolled my eyes, pressing my lips to his cheek.

“Never.” His hand started gripping my shirt again. “Did you take your meds this morning?” He nodded, leaning down again. I pulled him down the rest of the way, pressing my lips against his. And it was everything I had hoped it would be. He pulled away first, hugging me to him quickly and taking a deep breath. “Are you okay?” I asked hesitantly. 

“Yes,” he whispered against my neck. “I just really like you, and I’m always so nervous around you because you’re so pretty and nice, and you look after me but like not like a mom, like… I don’t know, you just do it. I really appreciate you.” I chuckled, running my fingers through his hair.

“I care about you, of course I look after you.” He stood back up, smiling down at me. “If I didn’t, god knows where you’d be right now.” He laughed out loud, backing out of my grasp slowly. “Wait, noooooo.” I grabbed for his hands and followed as he plopped down on the couch, hugging me again. 

“I have to start the stream in like 10 minutes.” I sighed, squeezing his waist. “But…”

“But?” I asked excitedly.

“Calm down, jesus,” he laughed. “I was going to say that you could borrow one of my hoodies and sit with me while I stream, but you have to promise to be really quiet.”

“I can do that!” He pulled me to stand up and walk toward his room to browse his hoodies. I picked out a black one that had a picture of a Final Fantasy character (I think). I slid it over my head and turned to face him in the doorway. “What do you think?”

“You look very cute.” I skipped over to him, making grabby hands at him. “Okay, okay, let’s go.” He grabbed my hand and led me into his office, sitting down in his chair. “You can sit wherever you want. The floor… The desk… Here…” he motioned to his lap, patting his thigh. I shook my head, sitting on his legs and laying my head on his shoulder. “Are you comfortable?”

“Yup.” I smiled up at him. “My phone is on silent and the volume is down. Stream away.”

“One more thing,” he said, his fingers pushing my chin up towards him. He kissed me softly, running his hand down to my jaw. “You’re the best,” he grinned as he pulled away and looked back to his monitor.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I hope you like this part bubs! Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list :)

Tag List:

@gday5sos​ @demoiselle-en-detresse00​ @itsminniekat​ @alienvarmint​ @yongboxerrr​ @anabundance0ffand0ms​ @unapprovedtrash​ @barnesdameron​ @arossebyanyothername​ @alilshit​ @booklover240​ @corvuswolf​ @bi-andready-tocry​ @oliverasindahouse​ @mitchiesdungeon​ @tsunami-m00n​ @emsies-dream​

[watchmegetobsessed]

VALERIE - Part IX. (Harry Styles)

yall are gonna hate me for this but it needed to be done IM SORRY! also, i can’t believe valerie is ending this week, just one more part to go! can’twait to read your reactions and thoughts on this part, even though i know yall gonna be upset lmao

word count: 5.6k

SERIES MASTERPOST

masterlist

Some days it truly feels like the universe has plotted against you to make every possible thing go wrong. As if it wants to see just how much you can take before breaking, experiment how long it can dance on your nerves before you end up one of those crazy people who shout at random strangers on the bus for no actual reason.

Starting the day you overslept awfully leaving you only ten minutes before you had to leave. In your hurry you ended up putting on socks that do not match and you were forced to buy a sandwich on your way as breakfast, but you promised you wouldn’t buy packed sandwiches for a reason, this one tasted like it’s been sitting on the shelf for weeks. Maybe it really has been. 

You made it to work successfully, but then you realized that you’ve left your notebook at home, the one that had quite a lot of important information you need for your work, so you spent your first hour at work emailing different people for things you should now, explaining that you just left your notebook at home. Some didn’t really give a fuck and just answered you normally, but others didn’t shy away from commenting that you should be more responsible and careful.

This alone gave just the perfect foundation for the day. It was all downhill from then. Your boss loaded twice as much work on you than usually, everything with close deadlines, throwing even more anxiety into the mix as if you didn’t have enough already. 

You met up with Marcus at lunch, but that didn’t go as planned either. It’s been getting more and more frustrating with him, the two of you have already had at least five fights this week and it’s only wednesday. It seems like even the smallest things push you over the edge these days and you easily pick a fight over anything. It didn’t happen differently this time either and by the time you got back to the office you were fuming. Worst part is that you always have a hard time ending a fight and tend to continue it through texts, the same thing happened today as well.

Now it’s a few minutes past five and you’re getting ready to go home, get changed and head to family dinner since today is Valerie’s first birthday, but even on the bus you’re still furiously typing away on your phone, sending a reply to Marcus, wanting nothing more than to throw the device right ot the window.

At one point you decide you’ve had enough. Turning your phone off you sink it into the depth of your bag and just try to focus on breathing, because even the smallest things seem to be hard tasks in such an upsetting state of mind. 

These past few weeks things have taken an absurdly wrong turn between you and Marcus and you don’t know what to do about the whole situation. Every night you go to bed thinking that you should just let go of him, would do a favor for the both of you, but then that stupid little voice in the back of your mind tells you that if you break up with Marcus it’s game over for you, you’ll spend the rest of your life alone. It all ends up with you violently holding onto the pieces of what’s left from your relationship and you’ve been trying to figure out where it went wrong, but you have absolutely no idea. 

After you changed into a pair of light washed jeans, a bright orange sweater and your black leather jacket it’s time for you to leave, though you already know you’ll be late. With a sigh deep you decided to turn your phone back on when you were sitting in the Uber, immediately deleting the notifications about the messages Marcus left you and going straight for the few ones from Rosa, your mom and Harry. They all arrived not too long ago asking when you’d be arriving, so you quickly typed your sorry and told them you’re on your way, you just got caught up at work. For Harry, you add something else too:

“Save me a seat and order me a tequila.”

His response came quickly.

“Done. Both.”

You let out a chuckle seeing his message. He knows you too well.

Walking into the small restaurant you don’t have a hard time spotting your family, three tables have been pushed together to make enough room in the back, taking up the small, kind of separated area of the place. Rosa smiles widely when she spots you, Valerie standing on her thighs, hands on the table as she is trying to snatch one of the glasses away, but her dad is pushing it further from her grasp.

“Sorry for being late,” you huff out and take the seat right next to Harry who watches you with a smile. “Well hello there, birthday girl! You’re so big now!” you babble at Valerie who giggles at you before her attention is averted once again.

You feel Harry’s elbow poking your side and turning to him you see him nod at the two shots on the table.

“Oh, fantastic. You’re drinking too?”

“No, I’m driving. Both for you.”

“If I didn’t have such a shitty day I would question what kind of alcoholic you think I am, but I kinda need both,” you sigh, taking the first one and downing it faster than ever. From the corner of your eyes you see your mother’s disapproving look, but you decide to ignore it for now.

“Wanna talk about it?” Harry asks, eyebrows furrowed in worry, but you shake your head, the alcohol still burning your throat.

“Not now. Can you give me a lift home tho?”

“Sure,” he nods, turning back to the conversation at the table. 

You somehow succeed in putting everything that happened today behind and just focus on the time spent with your family. It helps that seemingly Harry works hard all evening to tell you about random things, just occupying your thoughts as much as he can. It’s nice to relax a little and forget everything that’s been weighing down on your shoulders recently. 

“It’s so crazy she is one already,” you sigh when you and Harry are walking to his car.

“Right? It makes me feel incredibly old,” Harry huffs as he fishes his car keys out of his pocket.

“How old are you even?” you ask laughing, realizing you don’t even know how old he exactly is. There are quite a few things, small details you’ve just never gotten around to find out about Harry.

“I’m turning 27 in February. Wild, isn’t it?” he chuckles.

“Yeah, you’re basically a grandpa,” you tease him and he narrows his eyes at you, but you can’t miss the little smile hiding in the corners of his mouth. 

“That makes you a grandma, because you’re turning 25 in April, don’t you?”

“You know when my birthday is?” It takes you by surprise, you don’t remember ever telling him when your birthday is.

The two of you reach his car and he clears his throat unlocking it. Seems like he doesn’t really want to answer, but your burning gaze on him kind of forces him into it.

“Uh, I do. I wanted to meet up with Steven last year the day you had your birthday party, but he said he had plans already. Tried to lure him into cancelling, but he didn’t even want to share where he was going. Then he admitted that it was your birthday party, but you told him and Rosa not to even mention it to me so I don’t show up.”

Your stomach drops hearing his version of a story you’ve only known from your own point of view. You remember that you indeed told them not to tell Harry about it, but now it seems like such a hate crime, when in real life, it was still when the two of you hated each other with passion. 

“I’m… Harry I’m sorry. That was--”

“Don’t worry about it,” he smiles at you, starting the car. “We left it all behind, didn’t we?”

His smile seems genuine, but you still feel guilty for being such a bitch. It reminded you how much time and energy the two of you wasted for years hating each other when you could have been just like you are now. If only things happened in a different way…

Arriving at your building Harry parks the car and stops it. As the engine stops, the silence that’s been thickening the air just becomes even more obvious. He is waiting for you to say something about what’s gotten you so upset today, you know that, but you don’t feel like sitting around in his car.

“Want to come up for a little bit?” you ask and it’s a hidden message that you want to talk in the comfort of your own home. Luckily, Harry understands it right away and nodding he tells you to lead the way. 

You make some tea and the two of you sit on your couch, Harry is sitting sideways so he can see you while you bring your knees up to your chest, staring down at the mug in your hands.

“I had a fight with Marcus,” you quietly start.

“Oh.”

“And… it wasn’t the first time. We’ve been constantly fighting lately and I’m just… so tired of it.”

Saying it out loud for the first time, having someone listen to you brings you an odd sense of relief, and it doesn’t feel weird that you’re talking to Harry about all of it. He has proven himself to be a great listener.

“We’ve been fighting constantly, over the smallest things and my… my patience is running short, at this point.”

You’re talking slowly, carefully putting your thoughts into words, trying your best to interpret them for Harry after boiling them only in your own head for so long.

“I just… I have no idea what I should do.”

“It seems like the relationship is not making you happy anymore,” Harry softly speaks up and you have nothing to bring up against what he just said. “So why are you trying to continue it?”

You were expecting the question, you just knew he would ask it, but it still brings a painful, stinging sensation into your chest as you try to find the words to answer him. 

“Because…” you breath out and slowly turning your head, your eyes meet his gaze. “If I can’t make it work with him… then… who is it gonna be? There’s this voice in my head that keeps telling me, that he is literally my last choice, that if I mess this up it’s gonna be over for me.”

“Y/N, you know that’s not true,” Harry tells you tilting his head.

“Do I?” you chuckle bitterly, turning your gaze to the ceiling before you look back at him. “Because I don’t think I do. I’ve been literally feeling so miserable for weeks, yet I still can’t get me to move on, because I think I’m gonna die alone.”

“That’s not gonna happen, don’t say that. You’ll find the right person for you, you just… have to be patient.”

“But that’s the thing. I have lost my patience. I’m done, over it.” The tears form in your eyes in just a few seconds and the next thing you know is that you’re crying. “I’ve been trying so hard in my whole life, but somehow I always ended up… not being enough, or thrown away, stepped over, left behind. No matter what I did, I always ended up alone and I can’t help but notice a pattern in it. It has to be me, what else?”

“It’s not you, okay? You just had a few bad experiences.”

“Not a few,” you huff closing your eyes. “All of them are bad. I was… I was never enough for anyone and now that I found a guy that seemed to be just perfect… I’m ruining it.”

“I don’t think you’re ruining anything.”

“Then explain to me what’s happening, Harry!” you snap in despair and Harry stares back at you at a loss of words at first.

“Do you have feelings for him?” he then asks. You can’t answer right away and it tells him a lot.

“I… I’m not sure.”

“That sounded more like a no.”

“Okay, alright. No, I don’t. But… I could develop feelings eventually, couldn’t I?”

“That’s not how it works, Y/N. You can’t just torture yourself hoping that one day you wake up and you’ll be in love with him. It’s not gonna happen and you’re just wasting your time.”

“How do you know it’s not gonna happen? What makes you so sure of that I will not end up alone?”

Harry stays quiet, her green eyes are staring right into your soul and for a moment you forget about your misery. This man alone holds such a power over you, it’s starting to scare you.

“I know it, because… I know you. And I see you. You’re literally the funniest girl I know, so easy to talk with, you always know when to crack a joke and when you have to be serious. You have so much love for others, you care about your loved ones and you’re always there for your friends and family. You make it so easy for others to get comfortable around you and you make everyone feel safe around you.”

You listen to him intently, drinking up every word that leaves his lips. Harry looks down at his hands as he continues.

“And you’re beautiful. So fucking beautiful, it always baffles me when I see you.”

“What?” you breathe out.

“It’s the truth,” Harry chuckles lightly, he brushes his knuckles together nervously. “Every time you walk in, you just… make everyone turn their head at you, and I always wonder if you even notice that. The way you walk, your smile, your laugh, Y/N, you make every man go crazy about you.”

“You’re just saying that because you are trying to cheer me up,” you sniff, wiping a few more tears away from your eyes.

“I’m definitely not,” he chuckles and his eyes finally find yours. “I remember when we first met.”

“When you walked in on me changing,” you sigh, the memories living vividly in your mind.

“Yeah. I remember how… breathless I felt when I saw you standing there, your dress handing a little on your frame because of the zipper. I forgot my name for a moment. I offered to help with the zipper because I just… wanted to touch you in any kind of way. So I knew that you were real.”

“Harry…”

“I know this sounds made up, but I’m telling you, this is the truth. And I know I didn’t act like that for a long time, but I always thought that you were an amazing person and I know that any guy would be so lucky and incredibly happy to be with you. I hate the thought of you thinking otherwise of yourself, when you are literally such a delight and… just a gift to all of us. I don’t know what’s really been going on between you and Marcus, but if he can’t see your worth and can’t make you feel like you deserve… he is not worthy of your time.”

You feel your throat closing up, but you’re not sure Harry knows the reason behind it when the tears start rolling down your cheeks again. 

Because it might look like his words touched you and made you tear up, but in reality, a bittersweet feeling has taken completely over you. If this is how he thinks about you, why did he act like that when he had the chance to be with you? Why didn’t he want you to stay? What did you do that made him want to throw you out?

It’s a spiral straight down and you can’t stop yourself from falling. Harry has always been the biggest mystery of your life, and now you’re just even more sure it was something you did or said that made him want to run. 

He reaches out and easily scoops you into his arms and you let him hold you tight, face buried into his chest. You hold onto his shirt as the silent cries escape your lips. You want him to want you. You want him to mean all those things he just told you, but you just can’t seem to move on from the past even though you’ve agreed to forget about it. It keeps bugging you in the back of your mind that no matter what he says, you weren’t good enough to make him want to stay with you when he had the chance. 

***

It doesn’t get better after that night. Harry stayed until after midnight, made sure you got into bed and told you he’ll check in on you the next day. And so he did. 

You felt guilty for loading all of it on Harry, so you decided it was the last time you ever talked about Marcus or your love life in general with him. You easily made yourself believe that he didn’t really care about it and he just listened to you because he was trying to be nice. It seemed the best to just try and forget about it all. 

For a while you were contemplating breaking up with Marcus, but you didn’t have the strength to do it, telling yourself you have to give it another chance and some more patience. However it’s ending up to be quite draining, you gotta admit, but you are starting to get used to feeling numb every day.

Rosa invites you over, because she went through her closet and found some stuff she thought you’d like, so you head over not long after you get home from work. She mentioned that Harry would be over watching some kind of football game with Steven, so you are not surprised to see his car parking on their driveway.

“Hi guys!” you greet them when Rosa lets you in, the game is already on so they just wave in your way, intently watching the TV.

“Come on, I have everything in the bedroom,” Rosa nods in your way and you follow her upstairs. Valerie greets you with a loud shriek as you walk in, she is sitting in her crib, surrounded with a bunch of toys, seemingly having a great time.

“Hi there, Princess!” you coo at her, caressing her cheek before you sit on the edge of the bed that’s filled with piles of clothes. “What’s the big sorting?” you ask, grabbing a cardigan and taking a look at it.

“I just have way too much stuff, can’t fit new stuff into my wardrobe, so I needed to sort it all out.”

The two of you go through everything and just catch up while you try on what you like. At the end, you are just sitting on the bed playing with Valerie. You can tell there’s something Rosa wants to share, but she seems reserved about saying it out loud.

“So, the other day we were talking with Steven about how crazy it is that Val is over one year old,” she starts, eyes glued to the little girl, handing her another building block as Valerie works on… whatever it’s going to be when it's finished.

“Yeah, that’s what we talked about with Harry after her birthday dinner. Makes us feel old,” you chuckle.

“Exactly,” she sighs chuckling. “So then we talked about, maybe… having another kid sometime soon.”

You perk up and looking at Rosa you see the shy smile on her lips and you gasp, but she shakes her head.

“I’m not pregnant,” she assures you, but then adds: “Not yet.”

“Oh my God, so you’re trying for another baby?” you whisper, even though there’s no chance of the guys hearing the two of you. You can hear the sound of the TV up here, they have no clue what you’re talking about.

“I mean, it can take some time, so we thought we could… start now.”

“That’s fantastic!” you breathe out, truly happy for your sister. You just know Valerie will be such a good big sister. “Val, you want a baby sister or baby brother?” you ask her and she looks at you with a serious expression, holding out one of the blocks.

“Baba!” she exclaims.

“Yes, baba!” you chuckle. She’s been learning kind of real words lately and it won’t take too long before she’ll be bossing around everyone in the house.

When it’s getting late you pack the clothes you choose and head down to leave. The guys are still on the couch, but Harry’s head perks up when he hears your footsteps.

“You want me to give you a ride?”

“Um, I’m fine, don’t want to bother you while the game is on.”

“It’s ending in five. If you can wait a little it’s alright.”

“Okay,” you nod smiling so instead of going to the front door you stop in the kitchen to wait for Harry.

Rosa puts Valerie into her high chair and gets a banana for her while you check your phone just when Marcus calls you. Hesitantly, but you answer it.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Hi, just wanted to check in if the weekend is still on.”

“Uh, sure. It is.”

“Great. I’ll have to check again with my boss, but I think I’ll be able to pick you up.”

“Great. Talk to you later.”

“Bye, babe.”

The call ends and you find yourself facing a curious looking Rosa on the other side of the kitchen island.

“Marcus?” she asks and you nod. “How are things going?” You’ve only mentioned it to her that it’s been hard between the two of you, but you definitely didn’t go into details. Harry was the first and last person to hear the whole story.

“Um… neutral, I guess?”

“That doesn’t sound promising.”

“I know, but I’m just trying to figure it out. We are spending the weekend together, I hope it’ll help us to get a little more… settled? I guess, I don’t know,” you stammer, nervously fidgeting with your phone in your hands. 

“That’s nice, was it his idea?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s good to know that Marcus is making the right attempts to smooth things out.”

“Attempts?” Harry’s voice makes both of you look in his way as he stands at the door, seemingly confused about what he just heard. “You’re still with Marcus?”

“Harry, I…”

“No, don’t try to explain it. I thought I talked sense into you last time.” He is clearly pissed, not holding back how upset he is to get the news that you are still dating Marcus. But on the other hand you can also feel yourself getting angry how he tries to control your life.

“You did, but I never said I’ll break things off with him.”

“Well, it surely sounded like you made up your mind,” he huffs.

“Well, I didn’t,” you scoff, crossing your arms on your chest.

“What the fuck, Y/N! You can’t keep doing this to yourself!” he snaps gesturing in your way. “I thought we were over this!”

“We? What do you mean we?” you grimace and now you are raising your voice as well. “Harry, there’s no we! This is my relationship and it’s nice that you care, but you can’t tell me what to do!”

Harry is vivid. He needs everything in him not to burst right then and there and for a moment you think he’s gonna just explode. But when he speaks up again his voice is quiet, however you can feel all the anger and frustration behind it.

“Get in the car, we’re leaving.”

“What?”

“Get in the fucking car, Y/N!” he barks making you jump. Rosa and Steven, who arrived to the kitchen in the middle of this madness, are just watching the scene unfold, completely unable to even say a word.

Slowly, you slide off the stool and grabbing the bag filled with clothes you turn to Rosa.

“Thanks for… these,” you mumble before walking out, Harry following you right behind. 

Nothing is said as the two of you get into the car, Harry is clearly on the verge of anger outburst, but you’re pretty upset yourself. The drive back to your place is painfully quiet, but you can’t stop staring at his hands gripping the wheel. HIs fingers and knuckles are turning white from the way he is basically crushing the wheel in his hold. You wouldn’t be surprised if it had his grip’s imprint on it by the time you arrive to your building. 

“What the fuck, Y/N?” he snaps once the car is parked.

“Would you stop pretending like you have a saying in what I do?”

“I do have a saying in it! Because when you break again I’ll be the one picking you up from the ground!”

“Well, sorry it’s such an inconvenience to be my friend. But don’t worry, I won’t come to you again,” you snap back with a grimace and try to open the door, but it’s locked. “Let me out, Harry!”

“Fuck no, not until we talk about this,” he scoffs and it’s the last straw for you.

“There’s nothing to talk about! It’s none of your business, Harry! Stop pretending like you care!”

“I do care!” he shouts back so forcefully you are taken aback, sinking into your seat. “Of course I fucking care! How would I not?! I care about you so fucking much, how do you not see it?!”

At this point, you’re certain Harry has lost all self control and he is about to load he has been holding back out on you, while you’re just sitting there, staring at him completely speechless over how his whole being is filled with anger and fury.

“Stop fucking telling me that I don’t care when all I think about is you! Every damn day! I can’t fucking stop thinking about you, because every time my mind snaps right back to you when I’m trying to think about something else! Do you know how fucking painful it is?! See you fucking waste your time with that dickhead when I want to be with you?!”

Eyes widened you forget to even breathe as the words leave his lips and soon enough realization hits him hard about what he just said. His chest is violently waving, eyes staring straight ahead. Next time he speaks up the shouting is over, he is clearly shocked at his own behavior.

“Y/N, I-- what you told me last time, about ending up alone, that wasn’t the first time you told me all of that.”

“What?” you gasp.

“You broke down the same way at the wedding. Told me all about how you think you are just simply unlovable and will probably die alone.” His eyes snap down at his hands on his lap as he continues. “I was shocked how you’d ever think that way about yourself, because I was… I was already falling in love with you and I barely just met you that night. I couldn’t imagine what happened to you that made you believe that nonsense. I never felt like that with anyone else before and it was so fucking scary. Every time you looked at me or touched me, I could feel… the sparks. The fucking sparks, Y/N,” he lets out a bitter chuckle. “I never believed in that, but you made me feel that way. Then… one thing happened after the other and we were up in my room. I saw the way you looked at me, like I was your fucking everything and I have never experienced that. You fell asleep in my arms and I told myself that this is exactly how I want to spend the rest of my life.”

Tears roll down your cheeks as you listen in complete shock as Harry is still avoiding to look at you.

“I wanted to be the person who shows you how lovable and amazing you are, how worthy you are to be loved. Like I found my mission all of a sudden.”

“Then what the fuck happened in the morning?” you ask choking out the words. Harry finally turns to face you and you see his watery eyes. He was crying.

“You fell asleep and I was just watching you… and I realized that… sooner or later I would do something to hurt you. Because that’s what I always do and I didn’t want that. You didn’t deserve that, but I just knew I won’t be able to give you what you wanted and needed. And you told me all about how you just want to be loved and… I didn’t want to disappoint you in any way.”

He rubs his eyes turning back to look straight ahead and you see his lips tremble before he speaks up again. 

“I said all those stuff so you’d have a reason to hate me and you wouldn’t try to stay with me.”

“This is literally the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” you chuckle bitterly as the tears keep rolling down your cheeks. “Do you have any idea how fucking horrible I felt after that? I felt so ashamed for fucking weeks, Harry!”

“I-I know. I mean, I figured.”

“You made me feel unwanted and dirty, it took me so long to build my confidence back and be able to think of myself as more than just some used rug that was thrown out!”

Harry sits there in complete silence and just lets you load everything out on him, because he knows that’s what he deserves. He has tried to punish himself in so many different ways for what he did to you, but he knew he had to face you someday. Now the time has come and he is done trying to run away from the consequences of his actions in the past.

“I was blaming myself all this time, thinking that I must have done something wrong, when in reality it was you! It was fucking you!”

“I know, I’m so sorry, Y/N. I didn’t mean it to end like this.”

“You didn’t mean it to end like this?” you snap. “You literally continued to treat me like shit for years! If it wasn’t for Valerie, you’d still be a complete dick to me! And what was your intention with this now, huh? Why did you tell me all of this now?!”

“Because I couldn’t stop… seeing you be so unhappy with someone who clearly doesn’t deserve you in any way. I’m selfish and I realized that I made a mistake, but I now know what I should have done, because…” He finally turns to face you again, you see a tear roll down his cheek as he takes a deep breath before continuing. “I love you. I love you, Y/N, and I’m fucking done pretending like I don’t.”

You stare back at him, breath caught in your throat and it’s the breaking point. You reach over to his side and unlock the doors so you can open yours and you jump out of the car wanting to get as far away from him as possible. He can’t just throw all of this on you after everything the two of you went through, that’s not how it works. Does he even mean it? How are you supposed to believe him after years of hatred?

You try to get inside the building, but he is quick to catch up with you, he grabs your upper arm and pulls back, but you yank his hold away. 

“Where are you going?!” he snaps towering above you.

“Home. And don’t fucking touch me!”

“But I literally just told you I love you, you’re not gonna say anything about that?”

At first you plan on not even answering, you make your way towards the door, but then you change your mind. Turning around you unload on him once again.

“You don’t have the right to tell me you love me! Not after all the shit I took from you! How am I supposed to believe it when you literally made me feel like shit for all these years, saying the meanest stuff to me every damn time we met! I was avoiding you like the plague because I can’t even count how many times you made me cry calling me names and treating me so fucking horrible! No, you are not just gonna waltz in here, tell me that I have to break up with my boyfriend because you’ve been in love with me all along. I don’t fucking believe you, Harry. So stay the fuck away from me,” you tell him and push your way inside. This time he doesn’t follow.

By the time you reach your front you’re sobbing, barely seeing from your own tears. With shaking hands you unlock the door and get inside shutting the door behind you before you collapse on the floor. 

Harry lives in delusion if he thinks he can just unload all of this on you and make everything right magically. Not after more than three years of the shit you took from him. How are you supposed to believe that he is telling the truth? If he loved you all along, how could he treat you like that? That’s not what love should feel like. All those countless times when you came home after seeing him and you couldn’t help but cry after some of his meanest comments… and now he is trying to make you believe he did it all to protect you from him? Bullshit.

It doesn’t work like that and now he is gonna have to face the consequences of his actions. 

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[ahtsumu]

again and again and again ; ushijima wakatoshi

pairing: ushijima wakatoshi x f!reader

synopsis: every august 13th, a void opens in your chest. the universe is one sick bastard.

tag(s): soulmate!au, very angsty, equally fluffy, reincarnation!au, prince!ushijima, rebel!ushijima. android!ushijima, dad!ushijima, pro-volleyball player!ushijima ; warning(s): lots of death n dying, suggestive themes, light profanity ; wc: 4.8k

a/n: happy birthday ushi!!! inspired by cloud atlas and the raven cycle but you don’t have to have seen either to understand this fic. tbh it’s just a bunch of different au’s tied together by the strings of fate lol. a thousand thank you’s to @dorkyama​ for beta-ing!

TOKYO, JAPAN, 2020

It’s another August 13th and Ushijima Wakatoshi might die today.

Glumly, you push away the plate of breakfast in front of you, cross your arms over the new space, and rest your forehead down as if in front of a grave.

“Please,” you beg with eyes shut. “Let Ushijima Wakatoshi live today.”

(You’ve whispered this phrase infinite times–– so often that it has a home in your mouth like a cavity.)

SOMEWHERE IN WASHINGTON, 2012

When you first meet Ushijima–– the first first time–– it’s evening and you’re lost in a meadow somewhere in Washington. Where exactly doesn’t quite matter and, even if it did, you wouldn’t be able to remember. At least, not at this moment. Because you see something most peculiar.

Under the half-lit sky, in the glade of overgrown sweet vernal grass and marigolds and daisies, a figure stands paler than the moon overhead.

The body belongs to a young man dressed in a sweater and slacks. His dark hair parts on the side, stopping right above a pair of firm dark eyes. Thin lips press in a perfunctory line, sharp nose radiates an aura of authority.

And yet, he looks lost.

“Hello?” you call out. The boy doesn’t respond, only continues to hover in the middle of the clearing with the same confounded expression on his face. So you ignore the pounding of your heart in your chest and inch closer until you’re just feet away, shivering. It’s a strangely cold day for July, you think.

“Can you tell me your name?” you ask. Seconds pass in silence as he stares past–– no, through–– you. With your thudding heartbeat and shallow breaths still the only sounds in the meadow, you realise that you may have to try something else.

Gently, you touch the pads of your fingers to his shoulder. A fresh wave of ice floods through your veins, raising goosebumps all over your skin. More curiously, though, your fingers fall through said shoulders. It feels like plunging your hand into a bucket of ice.

Eyes wide, you lunge backwards. A ghost?

No, ghosts aren’t real.

(If that’s the case, then what is he?)

At your touch, the boy’s head jerks up. Life floods his gaze. Blinking, he says, “Ushijima.” His voice is low and smooth, but quiet. Firm. He looks around the meadow as if seeing it for the first time.

“Is that all?”

Ushijima’s focus returns to you, this time with the addition of furrowed brows. His eyes are fixed on you in a way that makes you feel as if he’s reading your soul.

“That’s all there is.”

A million questions race through your mind and before you can decide which to ask first, his incorporeal figure vanishes from the meadow.

And you’re alone again.

Oddly enough, the way back to your aunt’s house comes naturally to you. Once inside the ancient wooden manor, you realise that the feeling that guided you back was the same that had led you to the meadow in the first place.

Then, you wonder, had you truly been lost?

Aunt Risa’s an eccentric woman in her thirties, always yabbering on about Mercury in retrograde and events that are yet to happen. Grandma had been the same. Clairvoyance, or what everyone claims is “clairvoyance”, supposedly runs in your family. You wouldn’t know, though, because apparently it skipped your mother. Coincidentally (or not), she’s extremely proud of her normality. And she’s also extremely proud that you, supposedly, are normal, too.

It’s safe to say that you don’t see your mother’s family often.

Still, she sent you here from New York to “connect with your roots”. And even though you know that’s a cover for “raise hell somewhere else for one summer”, you let yourself consider that it means getting acquainted with the mystic mumbo-jumbo you’ve ignored all these years. After all, nothing normal can explain what just happened in the field… right?

Good thing Aunt Risa isn’t normal.

“That’s Glendower’s Meadow you were just in,” she says with a twinkle in her eyes. “Lies atop a very powerful ley line.”

Ley lines, you learn, connect places around the world through electromagnetic forces. They are also able to transcend time, gravity, space… all forces that cannot be seen.

Aunt Risa adds that they do more than just connect places. “Soulmates countries apart can step on any point in the same line to see each other. It’s been said that the power ley lines emit is so strong that even soulmates worlds and years apart can meet in these little pockets of energy. Guess it tides you over til you’re destined to meet.”

Somehow, everything she says makes sense and doesn’t at the same time. Soulmates? Magic? None of this is real, is it?

“Now,” she continues, “it’s odd that you can use ley lines, though. Remember how you couldn’t tell a black jackal from a swan the last time you read tea leaves?”

You frown. At seven years old, you hadn’t exactly been trying.

“I guess there is something supernatural about you! You can’t deny how magical it is to have a love that transcends lifetimes…”

You don’t hear the rest of what she has to say. “Lifetimes?”

“Yup. Soulmates are the only people in this universe who go through reincarnation. The Universe is a hopeless romantic, letting her children fall in love again and again and again.”

And this explanation satisfies you because you’re sixteen, a little naive, and the Universe has never failed you before.

(She will.)

July passes in a honeyed haze: you spend every day with a content curve to your lips, thinking about a boy with eyes and hair dark as night.

Aunt Risa doesn’t have the heart to tell you that she’s seen his future in this life. And when you step out the creaky wooden door for the last time, ready to go back to the bustling jungle that is New York, she calls out to you with an expression you don’t yet recognise. “Don’t you worry, hun. You’ll see that Ushijima boy again.”

But not like this.

You’re about to get out of bed and dress for the first day of school when an out-of-control eighteen-wheeler runs his driver’s black SUV off the road. Ushijima Wakatoshi dies on August 13th in his timezone.

As it happens, you feel a strange sense of loss settle in. It’s like you’d been driving on the highway and just missed the last turn home.

(You’ll learn in the next life that you, in fact, do not have the gift of foresight. But you do have the curse of memory.)

PARIS, FRANCE, 1749

The year is 1749 and sunlight pours through the windows of Ushijima Wakatoshi’s second-floor bedroom.

In this life–– your second life–– you are a brilliant composer. The Universe, as you’ve guessed, follows no rules, no directions. Doesn’t even spare a glance at a linear timeline. Or perhaps, it’s time that isn’t linear. Either way, you try not to think about things out of your control. Life is good now.

At the sound of your fingers waltzing across ivory and ebony, Ushijima slowly sits up in the king-sized, soft linen sheets falling to reveal his chiselled torso.

“Good morning,” he rasps, a content smile tugging at his lips. “You look enchanting as always.”

The melody stops. Between the lid and music rack, your eyes meet–– his gentle, yours mirthful. “You flatter me,” you deny with a cheeky grin. Still, you rise (wearing his robes, Ushijima notes) from your seat and stroll over to your lover, pressing a gentle kiss to his mouth. “Happy birthday, darling.”

“Thank you,” he murmurs against your lips. “I live another year just for you.” Ushijima really means that–– in fact, he believes with his whole heart that he was made for you and you him. There’s no other way to explain how your bodies mould so perfectly together, how you understand each other without even speaking, how time feels like it doesn’t exist whenever you’re around. Your meeting at Duke La Trémoille’s ball could only have been the work of Fate’s nimble fingers.

(It was. A ley line runs underneath the Duke’s family château.)

You hum, thankful that this time you have the privilege to love him as he lives. Your last life was spent agonising over the only memory you had of him. “And what does this day have in store for the man of the hour?” The words that leave your lips morph into bubbling laughter as he moves aside on the bed and pulls you into his embrace. Still giggling, you kiss his bare chest, relishing in how secure his arms feel around your waist.

“Mother is hosting a ball tonight in my honour,” he says. That you are not invited to, he doesn’t add. He doesn’t have to, though, because you know that she doesn’t approve of you. Not being French is the main reason why, but there’s also the fact that you’re a musician. A talented, accomplished, royally recognised musician, sure, but that doesn’t change how at the end of the day, all you have to your name is inked paper.

And Ushijima Wakatoshi is first in line for the throne of France.

“Ah.”

It’s hardly fair for you to feel slighted–– you knew what you were getting into the second the Crown Prince, notorious for his aloof nature, invited you to Versailles to perform for him and his friends.

(In his defense, Duke Tendou had forced his hand by threatening to throw a fit in front of the Queen, but only after he’d seen the painfully restrained wonder in the prince’s eyes.)

Still, you yearn for something more.

Ushijima feels your body stiffen in his arms and knows the moment has soured. “You can never be Queen of France,” he murmurs into your neck. Shivers crawl down your spine the same time tears prick at your eyes. “And I can never give you a throne.” It’s not the throne you yearn for.

“I know.” You curse whoever the lucky girl will be. And you curse Ushijima for reminding you that she will definitely not be you.

“I can only promise you my heart.” He presses his lips to the side of your neck. “My undying devotion.” A kiss to your exposed shoulder. “And my soul in every life we meet.” His hand slides under your chin and turns your head towards his. Soft lips move against yours while the pads of his fingers wipe away the tears that had spilled over your cheeks.

“Toshi, I must say that the literature tutor your mother hired is doing a marvellous job,” you murmur once you pull apart.

A short breath of amusement leaves his nose. “He’s only polishing a gem that already exists,” Ushijima counters.

You smile slyly, another witty remark ready to launch from your mouth, when three sharp knocks at the door cause both of you to freeze.

“My friends, the Devil approaches.” Tendou’s faint voice travels through the opulent front door.

Sighing, you slide off the bed and tug your day dress on. Without being asked, Ushijima ties the laces in the back together. “Tell your mother I said hello, won’t you?” you tease, kissing him deeply on the balcony.

“I’d prefer not to think about my mother with your lips pressed to mine, darling,” he replies.

You giggle softly, and with one leg dangling off the balustrade, say, “And careful not to wear yourself out dancing, Toshi. Expect a visit from me later.”

His sonorous laughter rings through the air as you jump and land deftly on the freshly cut grass below, running the whole way back to your humble apartment in the eleventh arrondissement.

Regrets of not sneaking into the ball will burn into your brain after Tendou arrives at your door later that evening with a faraway stare on his face.

Towards the end of the ball, Ushijima Wakatoshi is led away from the dance floor and into the gardens by his scheming younger brother Goshiki.

He doesn’t return. The beloved Crown Prince of France dies on his twenty-first birthday with a dagger in his chest and poison in his veins.

With two lives under your belt, you reach the cruel understanding that in every life you live, August 13th is the day that Ushijima Wakatoshi dies again and again and again.

In a sense, memory is foresight.

NEO SEOUL, 2144

Tomorrow, the Union Revolutionary Group exposes the government for their crimes against your people.

But tonight, your head rests against his chest–– a habit you picked up sometime after Germany, 1943, even though you are presently in Neo Seoul, 2144. To be honest, you’re not sure if it’s even 2144. Neo Seoul’s calendar isn’t like the one you went through your first few lives with and you’re certain one year here is equivalent to two back on the Earth you knew… or something like that. Either way, every August 13th passes under your nose without detection. Every day passes uneasily, because although you never truly know when anyone dies in any life, you really don’t know when he will in this one.

But hearing Ushijima’s heart beat firmly manages to take the edge off yours. Every pulse is a murmured confirmation that everything is still okay.

You jerk back when he stirs from sleep. Disorientated, Ushijima blinks at your dimly lit figure before registering that it’s you. A confused expression crosses his features. What had you just been doing?

“Is everything alright?” His voice is raspy with drowsiness but he sits upright against the headboard anyway.

“Yeah.”

“No, it’s not. Tell me what’s wrong.” Nothing ever slips past him–– at least, not when it comes to you. Still, you bite your lip and contemplate if it’s worth mentioning. Three years of working alongside the renegade Commander (and hundreds more from other lifetimes) have taught you that words of comfort do not belong in Ushijima’s vocabulary. But it’s the night before you, the only known freed Fabricant working with the Union, are going to expose the Unanimity’s enslavement of Fabricants to all inhabitants of Neo Seoul. And…

“I’m scared, Wakatoshi.”

He thinks you’re talking about tomorrow. His eyes dart to the holographic digits floating throughout his room. 12:02 AM. You’re talking about today, then. He’s not wrong–– you are afraid of today. But you’re also afraid every day.

Ushijima pauses, wondering what to say. He’s never felt fear the same way others do. Others might only see a myriad of ways they can fail or die but he simply sees a chance to prove himself. A chance to emerge victorious. “If you let yourself be scared,” he says, “then you lose without fighting. Fear is a wasted emotion. Even at your last breath, you should never be afraid.”

As you mull his words over in your head, a section of your hair falls in front of your face. Ushijima’s fingers twitch. Would it be too much to––

“Then what should I feel instead?” He stills.

The question hangs in the air, thickening until the spacious room feels suffocating. Normal people–– people you knew a couple of lifetimes ago–– would probably say something like “love” or “hope” or even “don’t”. You think Ushijima might, too.

But when Ushijima speaks, he says, “Feel right now.”

A shift in the moonbeam pouring through your surrounding glass walls casts a muted glow over your features, breaking through the darkness of the room. Ushijima’s olive eyes flash and fall to your shining lips.

His Adam’s apple bobs. Anticipation bubbles in your stomach.

You think that you might die tomorrow. He might die any day. What are you waiting for?

Feeling a fiery rush of blood surge through your veins, you close the distance between your bodies until the tips of your noses touch. Gently, your hand comes up to the back of his neck, feeling his pulse speed up under your fingers. He instantly reaches out, grips your waist firmly. Hot, uneven breaths fan across your face.

“What––”

“I know it’s forbidden between Fabricants and pure-bloods,” you breathe out, “but––”

Ushijima nudges his lips against yours. They move stiffly, unsurely, but it’s sincere. It’s his first kiss and it’s your… you’ve lost count by now. It doesn’t really matter, though. Past, future, or present, every one of his touches feels new.

Both of you might die tomorrow. But tonight, you both are so very alive.

And when his heart pounds, unmuffled, bare against yours, you are reminded to live now.

Twenty-one hours later, a laser beam whizzes past your ear.

“Go faster!” you shout over the wind, tightening your arms around Ushijima’s waist. “We have to get to the broadcast station now.”

“I’m trying,” he grits out, pressing his foot harder against the hoverbike’s pedal. You speed up, but only a little. “Fuck. Remember what I taught you about the laser pistols?”

“Always aim a little higher than you want to.” From the mirrors on the side, you see the corners of his lips quirk up. You reach for the gun in his belt.

Not a single police officer remains on your tail when you step foot into the broadcast station.

“We don’t have much time, miracle girl,” Tendou, a fellow Union soldier, says once you arrive. He punches the elevator button. Instantly, the chute opens. “Cameras have picked up on at least five Unanimity squads headed our way from the city.”

The sinking feeling that today out of all days might be August 13th suddenly weighs on your stomach. A shaky breath leaves your mouth.

Ushijima stops you before you can step in. Cupping your face with his large hands, the brunet gazes deeply into your eyes. “I believe in you,” he murmurs. “I believe in you.” His fingers brush against your cheekbones. You let your eyelids close, relishing in this stolen moment between two new lovers.

Ushijima presses his lips against yours, kissing you as if he’s trying to carve a message into your bones. He whispers his conviction one last time before stepping back and allowing Tendou to push you lightly into the elevator. The thought that Ushijima’s words allude to more than just faith nudges your brain as the two men grow smaller in your sight.

Halfway through your revelations, the Unanimity cuts through the metal doors of the station. Behind the glass panels encasing the radio room, you watch the shootout begin. Every bone in your body screams for you to join your comrades, but you remember what your orders are. No matter what happens, do not stop the broadcast. If the truth doesn’t come out now, the Union will have sacrificed everything in vain.

You will your voice to steady when Unanimity soldiers take out the Union soldiers hiding behind Tendou’s barricade.

You will your hands to unclench when Ushijima deftly slides over his squad’s barricade and tosses a plasma grenade towards a cluster of enemy soldiers, then picks off the survivors with his Union rifle.

You will your breath to endure when the brunet is blown back by a grenade tossed by another squadron. Ushijima’s cranium collides with the floor. His body stills; blood red as cherry wine pools around his head like a cruel halo. Swallowing, you push forth. You’re a soldier.

But you can’t help the way your throat dries or hands shake or lungs tighten when you see his head turn ever-so-slightly in your direction.

He smiles in his last breath.

(The Archivist asks if you loved Ushijima before you are taken away. You tell him you always have, do, will.

The Unanimity guillotine doesn’t scare you like you think it should. Knowing what and who waits ahead, it feels more like a kiss to your neck.)

QAASUURI, 3003

As you step out of the metal carriage, the ground beneath you begins to vibrate. This, as you’ve learned, can only mean that you are standing atop another ley line.

Olive eyes stare at you impassively when you look up. A dazzling array of awards and medals is pinned to his chest over a white military uniform. Compared to all the other soldiers around him, you gather that the deep purple cape over his shoulders means he’s someone important. Possibly your betrothed? You briefly recall another lifetime in which he’d been the crown prince of somewhere, and you, by a spectacular stroke of misfortune, had only been a composer then. Fighting back a smug grin, you muse that this time, you are a princess.

“Ushijima Wakatoshi, Captain of the Qaasuuri Royal Guard, at your service,” he says with a low bow. “King Washijou appointed me to ensure your safety during your courtship with the prince, your highness. These are trying times, especially with the war against Ibis.” Your heart falls. So it’s one of those lives.

Mustering the warmest smile you can, you curtsy and say, “Thank you, Ushijima. I hope we can get to know each other better.”

You do.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that the Qaasuuri are a race more android than human. But nothing about him feels artificial. He is as real as he was in Berlin. Atlantis. Cairo. Camelot. Hanoi. Olympus. Tallahassee. He feels as human, too.

You get to relearn the way his cheeks flare up when you call him Toshi and not Ushijima for his first time (force of habit)... and every subsequent time (at your pleasure).

You get to relearn his wry humour, how every-so-often his stony demeanour breaks after one of your quick jabs, usually in response to his agonisingly blunt remarks. (“You should have brought a coat, princess,” he notes with disapproval when you shiver in the chilly spring air. You promise him that you look better with hypothermia than in any Qaasuuri coat. An amused breath blows out from his nose. And though he doesn’t say a word more on the subject, his white jacket over your shoulders speaks more than enough.)

You get to relearn how his hands feel on your skin. The first lesson is your mistake: missing a step down the spiralling staircase on your way to dinner. Automatically, his hand grips your arm to pull you back. He uses a little more force than necessary, though, and tugs you into his firm chest. Neither of you can look at each other for the rest of the evening. The second is his mistake: reaching out to tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear as you read in the palace library, somehow knowing it’s one of your pet peeves. Both of you freeze when his fingers accidentally brush against your cheek. Ushijima thinks he’s never felt skin softer than yours–– you think it’s been too long since he last touched you.

The third is neither a mistake nor just one of your doings. It happens on a cool autumn evening as the two of you walk through the palace gardens with your hands dangling haphazardly at your sides, knocking against each other again and again as if begging for an opening. Finally, you acquiesce. You slip your hand into Ushijima’s cold palms. And though nothing shows on his stony face, his heart whirrs like an overheating engine for the rest of your walk. He doesn’t let go until the iron palace comes back into view.

“We should stop,” he pants between fervent kisses, “before this gets out of hand.” You nip at his neck. “You’re betrothed to the prince––” you suck on the skin between his collarbones and throat, drawing a low groan from his lips “––and I can never give you a throne.”

You pull back, knees on either side of his waist, and stare down into his eyes. “I don’t want a throne.” Ushijima watches you with rapt attention. Sometimes you wonder if maybe, just maybe, he remembers. Slowly, you repeat his words from lifetimes ago. “I only want your heart.” An unreadable expression crosses his face. “Your devotion.” It’s not recognition. “And your soul.”

It’s conviction.

By now you’ve seen many breathtaking things: entire cities built from ice, the end of the ocean, a Venusian sunrise. None compare to Ushijima Wakatoshi with his pupils blown wide, hair tousled, lips flushed. Red with love.

None compare when he promises, “You have that and more.”

A pause.

“Show me.”

With an effortless flip, Ushijima’s muscled body hovers over yours, olive eyes flashing wildly in your dim chambers.

Amid fast breaths and guttural moans, amid steely olive eyes and parted lips, amid the subatomic space between your bodies, you feel it cloak your skin like armour.

Love.

(The Ibis storm the Qaasuuri castle one month before the wedding. Ushijima fights the invaders valiantly, superhuman modifications undoubtedly being of help. But there’s just too many of them. The last thing he tells you is to run. The world burns when you look over your shoulder, only to see a Ibisian sword drive through his heart.

The Qaasuuri are a race more android than human. But they still bleed the same.)

TOKYO, JAPAN, 2018

The oldest you ever witness him live to is thirty-two years old.

It’s the morning of August 13th and you walk into the kitchen to the sight of Ushijima Wakatoshi lifting your daughter up into the sky, spinning her little body around in circles, the pancakes on the stove slowly bronzing to a mouthwatering shade of gold.

“Mommy!” she giggles when she sees you. Leaning against the doorframe with your arms crossed, you watch your husband set your daughter back down on the ground with a soft smile on his face.

“Sleep well?” you ask, ruffling her hair. She nods happily and bounces back to the stove. Her latest obsession has been cooking in the kitchen, though you’re not sure when exactly she moved on from “potion-making” in the backyard.

“Morning,” Ushijima murmurs, wrapping an arm around your waist and pressing a kiss to your lips.

“Happy birthday, handsome,” you tease, leaning into his chest. As the words leave your mouth, the sunny morning haze cools into desaturated blue. But it’s been thirty-two years, you reason with a hard swallow. Maybe the cycle has broken. Your eyes dart to your daughter’s little figure on the stepping stool, her small hands gripping the spatula flipping a bronzed pancake over to its pale side. How would she…

You steel yourself, though a small fissure can’t help but open in your heart from the force.

She isn’t your first child and she won’t be your last. Time, you’ve learned, likes to play games, likes to set you on the same storyline again and again just to see if another ending will show itself. There will be more tomorrows and more yesterdays. There always is.

But that doesn’t make todays hurt any less.

Ushijima tilts his head to the side, olive eyes peering into yours. “Is everything okay?” He never misses (or missed) anything–– not when the two of you were heisting in Switzerland or revelling in Alexandria like Dionysians, not when you were crammed in the same codebreaking room during World War I or sailed across the Atlantic to your doom in 1912. Not now.

But you’re tired of carrying each bygone lifetime into the next. Willing yourself to forget the fact that you’ve seen him die again and again on August 13th, you put everything into the lie that slips your teeth: “More than okay.”

You choose to cherish the present.

“Order up!” your daughter exclaims, proudly presenting the plate of pancakes to you and Ushijima. “I even made one shaped like a heart for Dad for his birthday!”

With a grin, you come closer to inspect the heart-shaped pancake. “Excellent work, sous chef!” you compliment, tapping her nose lightly. It’s sharp like her father’s. She, however, inherited your eyes. You turn around to face your husband. “What does Head Chef Ushijima think?”

Smiling softly, he takes the plate from her hands and, without a second look, says, “It’s perfect. Thank you, sweetheart.”

Breakfast passes in a blur of laughter and honey.

(You think you have gone through another August 13th unscathed when night falls and all of your friends exit through the cherry wood doors of one of Tokyo’s finest restaurants. On the car ride home, however, your white SUV swerves to avoid a deer in the road and flips once, twice, three times.

You wake up neither a mother nor a wife.)

TOKYO, JAPAN, 2020

A subtle sigh of relief exits your lungs when Ushijima Wakatoshi enters through the front door at 12:01 AM, red Team Japan suitcase in hand. He’s back from the airport. More importantly, he’s alive.

“Did I make it?” he asks with an upturned corner of his mouth. His olive eyes are half-closed from the exhausting transatlantic flight and his muscles are still a bit sore from how vigorously he played the game against Argentina (Oikawa’s team, for god’s sake)... but he’s here.

And he can’t be any happier.

You know that he’s talking about the time, probably hoping to joke that coming home to you is the best birthday present he can imagine. In that regard, he technically hasn’t made it.

And yet, you leap into his arms and press kisses all over his face as you repeat “yes” again

and again

and again.

[not-all-dead]

angstpril day twenty: the silent treatment

CW: mentions of a breakup but that’s pretty much the worst of it

fic under the cut

November 3rd, 142

Lin,

Mom made me promise I’d write to you, so here’s me doing that. Grandma and Grandpa say hi, and they want you to visit soon. School’s boring as ever and I have no friends here which is just great. Thanks for that. At least they have good food here, the chef is pretty amazing. Still, I think I’m going to run away soon, just for the sake of it. Maybe I’ll find a family actually worth keeping. Anyway, I don’t miss you or mom, have fun arresting people or whatever.

Su

February 7th, 143

Lin,

Heard you’re chief now. Congrats I guess. Does mom finally pay attention to you? Who am I kidding, of course she doesn’t. Anyway, I left Grandma and Grandpa’s. I’m part of this cool travelling circus right now, but I think I’m going to try something new soon. It’s been fun though, lots of flying through the air above lava pits and other super dangerous things. I bet I’m having a better time than you are, stuck in the stupid city.

I call Grandma every week or two to keep her updated on what I’m doing, otherwise she’ll freak out and think I’m dead or something. She told me today that mom called her yesterday. Mom said she was going to Gaoling to drop off her things before travelling wherever just like I’m doing. Guess I have more in common with her than I thought. I also guess that means you’ve got the apartment to yourself now, must be nice.

How’s Tenzin? You two still madly in love? Actually, don’t tell me, I don’t really care. Not that you’re going to respond to this at all. Whatever. I’ve got a performance to get to, so bye.

Su

December 19th, 145

Lin,

I wish you’d write back. I’m much older now, and I’d be happy to talk things out with you if you’d respond. But I guess that’s something you have to want too, and clearly you still hate me, so I won’t count on it.

I know I haven’t written in a while. I was on a pirate ship for a while, learning to sail and such, and we didn’t dock often. Any paper we had on board was constantly damp, too, so I didn’t see the point. After that I live in a sandbender commune. It was really interesting to see how different people lived, especially different earthbenders. I tried learning to sandbend but it didn’t go so well.

But that’s all past now. I’m building a city now, a city entirely of metal. I’ve got this wonderful architect named Baatar helping me with it, and thank goodness I do. I honestly don’t know how I’d execute my plans without him. I think I might ask him to marry me. I mean, I really do like him, and the idea of a family sounds so nice. If I did I’d really like for you to be there.

I hope everything in the city is alright. Last time I spoke to mom, a couple years ago now, she said you were still going steady with Tenzin. I don’t know how you two have stayed together this long already, you always seemed so different from one another to me. I guess opposites really do attract, as they always say. I’ll write again soon.

Su

April 2nd, 146

Lin,

It would mean the world to me if you could make it. Please come if you can, I’d really like to see you again.

Su

March 27th, 147

Lin,

You have a nephew! I was bummed that you didn’t come to the wedding, but it’s alright. Maybe you’d like to come and meet Baatar Jr. sometime this year… we’d welcome you here in Zaofu if you did. We’re still working on building up the outer cities, but the central hub where our house is is fully operational. I’d love to show you how it all works, we have metalbender staff in training to operate practically every part of the city. It’s a busy time, with the new baby and all the construction.

Please tell me you and your airhead of a boyfriend are getting married soon. I mean, come on! It’s been ten years already, I don’t see how you can possibly still be “taking it slow”. You make no sense to me sometimes, Lin. But then again, I’m sure you feel the same about me.

Mom’s been visiting Zaofu pretty regularly. She’s coming in next week to meet Baatar Jr. for the first time. She still seems to be holding a grudge against me. You two really are cut from the same cloth, you know. I might try to talk things out with her when she comes this time, or at least set a time sometime soon for us to flush things over. It would be great if you’d come too so we could put all this family drama nonsense behind us.

Su

May 30th, 150

Lin,

I’m disappointed that you still refuse to answer. Honestly, mom and I have spent two years talking and figuring things out. We’re good now, and there were plenty of opportunities we gave you to join us. I’m sorry you’re still so bitter.

Baatar Jr. is three now, you’d know if you ever cared to visit. He hasn’t shown any signs of bending yet, but Baatar is a non-bender and I started bending late so that’s not too surprising. We’ve got another one on the way, due in a couple weeks actually. I think if it’s a boy we’ll name him Huan, and if it’s a girl probably Hei-Ran. Again, I wish you’d come and actually be a part of my kids’ lives, but you seem dead set against it.

Kya actually dropped by not too long ago. I hadn’t seen her in ages, so it was a nice surprise. She says her travels have been going well, and she’d visited practically every place on the planet! I loved my time travelling, but ultimately family life is what suited me best. She said she was heading back to Republic City soon, so maybe she’ll drop in on you, too. Anyway, hope the triads aren’t causing too too much havoc for you, Chief.

Su

January 16th, 151

Lin,

Look, I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ve given up. If you’re really that set on giving me the cold shoulder, so be it. I’ll stop writing at all.

Sorry you’re not mature enough to handle this like an adult.

If you were wondering, Huan is very healthy and strong. Baatar Jr. too. Baatar Sr. took ill a while back, but he’s alright now.

I don’t know why I’m telling you any of this when I know you don’t care. Well. Sorry I’m such a bother to you.

Su

August 4th, 156

Lin,

Mom told me what happened with you and Tenzin. He’s an asshole, good on you for wrecking the island. You were always too good for him anyway. I know I haven’t written in a long time, I just didn’t see the point if you kept ignoring me. Maybe now you’ll come and see your family, it might be nice after losing Tenzin.

You’ve got a niece, now, too. And four nephews, the youngest being the twins. They’re only just over a year old now, and Opal recently turned three. I tell them stories about their Aunt Lin, you know. The older boys would really like to meet you, and I’m sure Opal and the twins will too when they’re a little bit more grown up. I want to see you again too, Lin, and I wish you’d at least try to let go of the past. Even just a letter back would make my day.

Hope you’re holding up as Chief there, not too much trouble with the triads or whomever else is committing crime these days.

Su

November 7th, 158

Lin,

Baatar Jr. is now eleven, and seems to be quite the budding architect just like his father. Huan has taken up metalbending little sculptures, so for his eighth birthday he got a little studio just for his art. Opal is five now, and growing up fast. I’ve never seen a five year old read as well as she does. Wing and Wei are still just three, but they seem to enjoy throwing pebbles at one another. I think they’ll be strong benders when they're older.

Mom and I finally made up properly. It’s nice to see her with the kids. She said she wrote to you asking you to come and chat too, but you ignored her. No surprises there. I might stop writing again if you keep this up, so don’t act shocked.

Su

October 21st, 160

Lin,

Mom’s here for a few weeks. Opal turned seven this year, Baatar Jr. thirteen, Huan ten, and the twins five. Wing and Wei invented a game for themselves to help with their metalbending training, they call it “power disk”.

I’m not sure what else to say to you anymore. I’m not sure why I’m even writing this now, after eighteen years. Eighteen years, Lin, and you haven’t even bothered to write back. At least I’ve tried to reach out. But now, I’m done. For real this time. Write if you want, I don’t care. I’m not going to keep sending these anymore.

Su

December 6th, 170

Lin,

Are you alright?! Mom had to tell me about you losing your bending, and she only found out through Katara! I can’t imagine what that must’ve been like. All I can say is that it would undoubtedly be awful.

I miss you, you know. It’s been almost thirty years since we last spoke. I know mom misses you too, and my kids would really like to meet their Aunt. It makes me sad that you’re still so sour about what happened, even after so much time has passed. We’ve both grown and changed as people, and I don’t understand why you can’t see that. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe it’s only me who’s changed at all. Even so, I do miss you, and I wish you’d write. Or visit.

I hope you’re alright, Lin, I really do.

Su

[keanureevesisbae]

Mister Cavill, your dog is kinda fat - Chapter 17

Summary: Veterinarian Olivia Tran has zero time for bullshit. After becoming a mom at age twenty three, the one thing she wants is a good life for her daughter Vanessa. Her ex didn’t want anything to do with her nor the baby and she decided that man are officially banned out of her life. But then she meets Henry Cavill at her clinic and her ban slowly starts to crumble apart. Henry on the other hand is looking for one thing: a family. And when he meets Olivia Tran, he finds just that.

Henry Cavill x Olivia Tran (ofc)

Warnings: None

Wordcount: 2.4k

Masterlist // Previous chapter // Next chapter

Henry’s life is slowly but surely becoming what he originally wanted. He adopted Vanessa a few weeks ago and he never thought he could be so emotional. He cried while he had to sign the papers, he cried the entire way back to the car, to a point where Olivia decided it would be best if she drove back to his parents’ place. He sat in the back of the car, right next to Vanessa, who wasn’t crying, but went out of her way to comfort him. He was just so happy that it was official now.

If—God forbids—something happen to Olivia, Vanessa goes right to him. They don’t have to bother with that low life of a Wesley, she is going right to him. They even changed their will. If something happens to the both of them, Vanessa goes to his family.

But right now Olivia is officially thirteen weeks pregnant and it’s getting harder and harder now to hide her belly. Since she is out of her first trimester, she is been feeling a lot better. She told him that during her pregnancy with Vanessa, she puked quite a lot, but that was nothing compared to how she is feeling with this baby.

But right now, her glow is mesmerizing. She was always beautiful, but seeing her in her underwear before she trows on his shirt at night, he realizes that she is a whole different kind of breathtaking now. After she steps into the bed, he lays behind her, wraps his arm around her waist and sneaks a hand under her shirt. He loves feeling her tiny bump. It’s still beyond him that this is happening, that they’ve created an already beautiful human. He cannot wait to see the more definite changes of her body, the further she gets into this pregnancy.

It’s Friday and they are waiting for Vanessa to walk out of the school. Henry wraps his fingers around her hand and pulls Olivia closer to his body. The weather is getting nicer and nicer, making it even harder for her to hide her little bump. She opted for a pretty midi skirt with a large shirt over it, that doesn’t show anything yet.

Today they are not only going to tell Vanessa about the baby when they are at home, but they are going to tell his entire family, since they are having a little dinner at his mom’s. The school bell rings and it doesn’t take long, before Vanessa rushes out of the school. Thankfully she has adopted a new normal by jumping into Henry’s arms, instead of Olivia’s, like she used to do. She presses tons of kisses on his cheeks, before she leans down to give Olivia a kiss.

Keeping this a secret has been the hardest thing, especially since Henry wants to share this with everyone.

‘Ready to go home, sunshine?’ Henry asks her and she nods. While he carries her to the car, she keeps on talking about how wonderful school was. Though he doesn’t quite understand that she likes school this much (especially with the witch that calls herself miss Sue in front of the class), he likes her stories. He could listen to her for hours on end and not be bored for a second.

Henry helps his official daughter in her carseat and while he drives back home, he holds Olivia’s hand. Once they are home, Olivia pulls Vanessa with her and the two of them sit on the couch.

He leans against the doorframe, wanting to see everything that is going to happen, but also allowing them to experience this. He might be officially Vanessa’s dad now, it’ll take a long time before they will have the bond that Vanessa has with her mother. Their bond is so tight, it’s mesmerizing. ‘Vanessa, sweetheart,’ Olivia says, ‘I have something to tell you.’

Vanessa looks at her mom with a frown between her brows. ‘Okay… What is it, mommy?’

Olivia takes Vanessa’s hand and places it onto her stomach. ‘Mommy is growing a baby in her stomach right now,’ she says in a soft voice. ‘And that means you are going to be a big sister.’

Henry had looked online on how to tell your kids that they are going to be a brother or sister. He saw all those sweet and funny videos online, with cakes, balloons and other stuff, but when he showed Olivia, she simply frowned and said that she just wants to tell Vanessa.

And now when he sees this moment happening in front of his eyes, he knows damn well that it shouldn’t happen any other way than this one.

Vanessa’s eyes light up, as her hand rests on Olivia’s bump. ‘I’m going to be a big sister?’ she asks, just in case.

‘Yes, sweetheart.’

And for the first time since he met Vanessa, she is crying happy tears. They drip over her cheeks, yet a smile is evident on her face. ‘I’m doing the happy tears thing,’ she sniffles.

‘Oh sweetie,’ Olivia says, a few tears in her eyes as well. She pulls her daughter closer to her body and presses kisses on her cheek. She ushers Henry over and he walks over to his two favorite girls.

He takes place on the other side of Olivia and looks at the two of them and he can’t hide his smile.

‘Daddy,’ Vanessa says, looking up, ‘I’m going to be a big sister.’

He wipes the tears from her face. ‘I know, sunshine. You are going to be a wonderful sister,’ he tells her.

She takes his hand from her face and places it on Olivia’s bump, just like her own. ‘Are we going to tell grandma, grandpa and everyone today?’

‘We are,’ Olivia says, stroking through the soft hairs of Vanessa.

‘We do have to tell you something,’ he says to Vanessa.

‘And what’s that?’

He clears his throat. He really wants to tell her this, because he thinks it’s important. He talked about this with Olivia and she agreed to it. ‘We love you so much and we always will, sunshine, but you have to know that a new baby is hard work. Both me and your mom will be pretty tired. There is also a chance that we will not have as much time for you as we usually have.’

Vanessa nods. ‘I know,’ she tells him. ‘Bettie’s mom is usually pretty tired too, when she is pregnant and when she just had a new baby. I can help around the house and otherwise, I can sleep at grandma’s place. I think she and grandpa want to babysit, so you can maybe sleep in.

How is he going to be an excellent father, if Olivia has managed to do this by herself? He is so lucky that this amazing woman is going to be the mother of their kids.

‘Then we have nothing to worry about,’ Olivia chuckles, kissing Vanessa’s cheek. ‘You are such an angel.’

Vanessa smiles. ‘So when is this baby going to be born? Bettie’s mom always knows, but she said something about a flu date?’

Olivia chuckles. ‘Due date, sweetheart. The doctor can guess a little bit. So the due date for this baby is the twenty first of November.’

‘That’s near my birthday.’ She smiles even brighter than before. ‘I kind of hope that the baby will be born on my birthday. That means we are going to have an even bigger party.’ Vanessa looks at Olivia’s stomach and asks: ‘When do we know if it’s a boy or girl?’

‘Somewhere in August,’ Henry says.

‘How can they know?’

Olivia gestures that she should stay put, as she walks over to her purse. ‘The doctors have a machine and what that one basically does is that it can make pictures from what’s inside my stomach.’

‘Oh,’ Vanessa says, ‘like the pictures daddy makes?’

Olivia chuckles. ‘Absolutely not.’ She plops back on the couch and shows Vanessa the picture of the ultrasound.

‘I don’t get it. There is nothing on here.’

Henry places his arm on the back of the couch and explains: ‘This little bean right here,’—he points to the same spot that the doctor showed him, because if he is being fair, he can’t see it—‘is your brother or sister and when we go back there in August, the baby is a little bigger. Right now he or she is as big as… what was it again, sweetheart?’

‘A lemon, so there isn’t much to see yet.’

Vanessa nods. ‘When you go to the doctor to see if I get a baby brother or sister, can I come with you?’

Olivia nods. ‘Of course you can,’ she says.

Vanessa leans down, pushes up her mom’s shirt, as she whispers against the tiny bump: ‘When you are older, you and I are going to eat chocolates at night, but don’t tell mommy and daddy, because I don’t think they’ll allow it.’

≫≫≪≪

Henry is insanely nervous for meeting his family. He knows that they will love it, he is absolutely sure of that. Though it doesn’t stop him from being nervous though. His family definitely knows how babies are made, but exposing the fact that they have been having sex and now she is pregnant…

He holds onto Olivia’s hand so tightly, that she has to whisper that he needs to chill, because he is hurting her.

And he never wants to do that of course.

Olivia came with the idea to involve Vanessa in the reveal to his family and he honestly couldn’t agree more. Vanessa was and will always be his first baby and she means the absolute world to him. The fact that she was already thinking about how she is going to be the best daughter in the world to them, how she is going to help not only her mom, but also himself out whenever she can, speaks volumes about how she is going to handle this big sister thing.

They walk around the house, to enter the garden and everyone seems to be totally happy that they have finally arrived. Vanessa continues to look at Olivia, waiting for the right moment. ‘Everybody,’ Olivia finally says. ‘Our little Vanessa has a little surprise.’

‘Little princess, what you got?’ Charlie says.

She unzips her vest and shows everyone her shirt. ‘I’m going to be a— Oh my God!’ Belle screams, running towards Olivia. The rest is further away from Vanessa, so they haven’t even read it yet, by the time Belle has pulled Olivia in a hug. ‘I’m so happy for you, babe.’

Henry watches as the rest of the family has yet to catch on, but his mother is the first to notice. She starts to tear up and Henry quickly walks over to her, to engulf her into a tight hug.

While his brothers and father are the first to congratulate Vanessa, giving her big hugs and saying how she is going to be such an amazing big sister, he hears his mother sniffle: ‘This is wonderful news, my dear.’

Since he officially adopted Vanessa, he realized that his mother was finally getting what she wanted. A big family, where she would be the grandma of the entire clan, a role that she had been wanting ever since his brothers and he reached the age of twenty. She never pushed them to get married and to have kids, but now she is finally getting the larger family she always wanted. It’s long overdue.

The fact that Olivia already had a wonderful daughter and him being really serious about having kids, made it easier for them to get pregnant, though it wasn’t necessarily planned. A couple like Simon and Belle are not even thinking about children. Well, they are, as in: we don’t want them right now.

After everyone gave him one hug, Vanessa at least two and Olivia a big hug and a kiss on her cheek, he can finally stand next to his beautiful girlfriend again. ‘Can I?’ he asks, letting his hand hover over her stomach.

‘You can always do that,’ she whispers, pressing a kiss on his jaw.

He gently places his hand on her tiny bump and she places her hand on top of his. ‘God, you are so amazing,’ he chuckles.

‘Don’t forget to give yourself credit, Henry,’ she says. ‘Remember, you are going to be a wonderful father, I just know it. You have already proven how much of an excellent dad you are with Vanessa.’

‘Can I take you with me for just a second?’ he asks, looking over at how Piers and Niki are showing off their football skills, though Vanessa doesn’t seem impressed at all.

Henry carefully pulls Olivia with him, until they are inside. He clears his throat and asks: ‘Should I share this with my fans?’ It has been a question that has been running through his thoughts for quite a while now.

Since he met Olivia, he posted pictures of course. After he first met her, he took a picture of Kal on the couch, looking a little sad and he wrote in the caption: Thanks to the greatest veterinarian who did pick up at three in the morning, Kal is all okay now after he vomited over my new carpet, though I was informed that he was kinda fat, so I have to work on that.

After that he posted pictures of Kal, of the Christmas tree and the cookies that he attempted to make for them. But he kept both of them out of the picture and since Valentines Day, he didn’t post anything.

Olivia smiles before she nods. ‘You can, as long as my face or Vanessa’s isn’t splattered on the news.’

Henry scoffs. ‘You think I’d allow that?’ He leans in to press a kiss on her forehead. ‘I just feel like I should tell them that we are expecting.’

‘You should tell the whole story,’ she tells him, grabbing his hands. ‘That you have a girlfriend, adopted Vanessa and that we are expecting.’

‘Are you sure?’ he asks. ‘I mean, I know that you two didn’t ask to be in the spotlights like that and I don’t want to force it on you.’

She pulls him closer and gives him a long kiss on his lips. ‘I am one hundred percent sure, sweetheart.’

≫≫≪≪

girlygirlx2: OH MY GOD?!?! THIS IS SO FUCKING UNEXPECTED!!!

kieralee: sooooo, we are getting Dad!Henry content? because i’m up for it!!!!

julia5487: hold up… he adopted someones kid and now they are having a kid on their own? wth happened?

muziarealm: I really want to see the lucky ass lady who is giving him babies.

kittycat421: OMG THIS IS SO AWESOME?!?!?!?!?!?!

ursula_9903: HOLY CRAP!!!!!! congratulations are in order!!!

[hollanderfangirl]

Nothing lasts forever |Harry Holland|

A/N: K, I wrote this for you. @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh congratulations on 1k!!! I wrote this through a writer's block so yeah not my best work

Warnings: angst, mentions of divorce, Harry being a dick

Word count: 3k

They say love conquers all. But it’s not that simple, is it? You meet, you fall in love, you think that love is enough and when things start to go downhill, you realise that it isn’t, after all. It’s the effort, time, circumstances, along with hundreds of other things. You make promises of being together forever but nothing lasts forever. Nothing. And when the promises break? You get your heart broken. But a heart that’s broken is a heart that’s been loved. How can something so perfect, something that brought you so much happiness, something you thought would be yours forever, go so wrong?

When you and Harry got married, everyone knew you were one of those couples who make you believe in ‘together forever’. You had met when you were teenagers and neither of you thought the relationship would last even six months. But there you were, seven years later, having the most extravagant wedding, vowing to never leave each other’s side and to support one another through it all.

The first two years of marriage was a honeymoon period, you both were having the best time of your lives, going on dates often, cooking together, falling asleep next to each other, you wondered how you even got so lucky. You joined him on most of his trips, you both travelled across the beautiful cities of Europe and America together and nothing else really mattered. You loved him more than anything in the world, and he loved you, what else did you need?

When your work was piling up, you knew that you had to go back, although neither of you wanted to leave each other. He was away from you more often, working on sets and filming his own movies, but you were quite used to it to say the least. Spending away nights of frustrations all alone, with no one there for you. But you didn’t complain, you could never do that. You could never stand in the way of Harry and his career.

Two years later, on Christmas Day, you held your daughter in your arms, a healthy and beautiful baby. You and Harry had never been more happy and overwhelmed.

“So what should we name her?” he asked you while gently rocking her to sleep.

“Noelle,” you smiled. “She really decided to make Christmas even more special”

Over the years, you were so proud of your little family, you would often look at Noelle and Harry, playing or reading together and the ‘father-daughter bonding time’ as Harry liked to call it. She was more fond of Harry than you, and that was why it was even harder for her than it was for you. You regretted it so many times, you didn’t want to give it all up, to give him up. But it was becoming so difficult, taking care of a small child all on your own, along with Harry acting like a child himself. It was far too much responsibility than you could handle. You loved him, you really did, but love is never enough.

Now you were cooking in the kitchen with Noelle sitting on the counter, reciting her lessons from school.

“But mommy! We have holidays coming up now!”

“Yes and you will have all the time to play and enjoy, ok?”

“And there’s something else too,” she giggled.

“Oh is it?” you pretend to think.

“Yes! It’s my birthday”

“That’s right, you’ll spend your birthday with grandma and grandpa and your uncles”

“Will daddy be there?”

“Hopefully yeah,” you sigh.

“Will you be there?”

“Of course, sweetie. Mommy would never miss your birthday party,” you pinch her cheeks.

“Why don’t you and daddy ever want to meet?” she speaks up after a minute.

“Baby… daddy and I…” you honestly didn’t know how to phrase it. “We just kind of don’t… talk anymore, you know?”

“Like Tina and me?”

“Yes, exactly like you and Tina”

“But you told me that I should not be angry at her and we should become friends again”

“That is for you, the thing between me and daddy is much more complicated”

“What does complicated mean?”

You chuckle, the questions never end.

You step out of the car into the bitter cold December wind in front of the Holland household. It had been a while since it had snowed this heavy, and you were worried if you would be able to drive in this weather.

“Here you go,” you say as you hand over Noelle to Sam.

“Gosh it’s so cold today, what are you even going to do?” he asks you.

“Go back to the office I don't really have anywhere to be”

“You're gonna work through Christmas? Take some time off, why don’t you stay with us?”

“Sam no-”

“Come on, y/n. How long will you keep avoiding him this way?”

“I- ”

“And what about Noelle’s birthday?”

“I’ll come and visit for a few hours on 25th”

“Y/n, this will always be your home too, with or without Harry. We would love to have you over for Christmas”

“Mommy please, I’m feeling cold out here,” Noelle says reaching out her tiny hands out to you from Sam’s arms.

“Okay fine,” you laugh.

As you get inside the house, Noelle jumps off from Sam and starts running into the house.

“Daddy!”

“Oh my little princess I’ve missed you!” you see Harry run from the living room, picking up Noelle and kissing her forehead. “How have you been? Have you been good? Otherwise who’s gonna get all the gifts?” he pretended to say in a childlike voice.

Your heart warmed up at the sight, your lips curling into a smile. It had been so long since you had seen the two of them reunited like this. Everytime you went to drop Noelle off at Harry’s house, you just waved from the car, not even caring about what happened afterwards.

He seemed a little surprised to see you there and you weren’t sure if it was a good surprise or not.

“Y/n… hi”

“Hey Harry”

“You um changed your hair”

“And you’re wearing the same old sweater”

“No this is a new sweater it’s uh-” he says trying not to continue with an awkward silence. “It’s the old sweater,” he shrugs, making you smile

"Y/n! What a surprise," Nikki calls you from the living room. "It's so nice to have you here over Christmas, everyone misses you so much"

You walk over to meet everyone as Noelle calls Sam to the side.

"Hmm what's up?" he asks the little girl.

"I know how mum and daddy can talk"

He lets out a laugh. "What? And why's that?"

"Mommy said that she and daddy don't talk anymore and that's the only problem. We just have to find a way for them to talk and become friends again"

"What's your plan, genius?"

And then she told him.

After dinner that night, you were sitting on the front porch with Sam. He was your friend, someone who you could always turn to. All of Harry's family was like that. When you both got divorced, you thought you would lose contact with the Hollands, you didn't want to lose them too because they were just like your own family but the bond didn't change, Sam helped you get through it, just like he helped Harry and he was the one who had tried to resolve things between you both.

"I still don't understand. You both were doing just fine, better than fine. All of you were so happy, what even happened?"

"Sam… Harry and I haven't even talked about what went wrong between us. Everytime we tried to talk, something came in between"

"Then talk now, you have plenty of time"

"How does it even matter now?"

"It does. I've seen how miserable you two are, you don't even want to see each other. I know you both still have something"

"We have Noelle," you say as a matter of factly.

"You know what I mean. You both love each other"

"See that's the thing with love. Love doesn't help me take care of a four year old all on my own, Sam. She misses him so much. She just keeps asking me when she'll get to see her father. He never made time for us"

"I know he's been a kind of a jerk"

You raise an eyebrow at him.

"Okay a big jerk, but he cares about you and Noelle. I'm not asking you to get back together but at least talk and resolve whatever beef you both have"

"We can't"

"Why?"

"It's just… I don't even know"

There was a long silence. If it was summer, you would have been hearing the crickets chirping but at this hour of a cold winter night, all you could hear was the faint distant noise of the faraway traffic.

"How about this, you both go out tomorrow, just for an hour or two, hang out, talk, just say whatever you had been holding in all this time"

"You're setting us up on a date?"

"Not a date. You both just need to talk, right? So you just need some alone time"

"Has Harry agreed to this?"

"He definitely would"

"No, it'll be too much. And what about Noelle?"

"What about her? We're all here to take care of her. You just go and talk this over"

You lay awake at night thinking about the happy times you had with Harry. How did things go so so wrong?

Two years earlier

"Harry, the opening ceremony is on Friday, it's huge for the company!"

"Yes I know, love. I really wish I could make it"

"What… do you mean?"

"I'll be leaving for Atlanta two days from now"

"But it's important to me and everyone will be asking for you"

"I'm so sorry, baby but I have to go"

"You've done a great job, y/n. Where's Harry? I'd love to meet him," your manager asks you at the after party of the opening ceremony.

"He couldn't make it tonight. He really wanted to be here"

"Where's your husband, miss y/l/n? This is such a big day for you!" another one of your colleagues asked you later that night.

"He's really disappointed he couldn't be here but duty calls," you tried to hide your loneliness and sadness through a smile.

"Y/n! I haven't seen Harry tonight…"

"How's the movie coming up?" you were talking to Harry at 2 in the morning, time zones were driving the both of you crazy.

"It's going great! The location is amazing, I think we could shoot the whole film here. I just wish you were here I miss you so much"

"I miss you too, just come back home," listening to his voice seemed to make you even lonelier.

"I will," you hear music playing in the background and the noise of people cheering and talking.

"What's happening there?"

"Ah they're throwing a party in my honour, it's been such a success-" you heard a woman laugh right beside him.

"So are you having a good time?"

"Yes I am I just-"

"Then you should go back to it. Bye"

"But y/n-"

You were still working when he came back from the airport and you immediately rushed home after you were free.

When you saw him, you felt as though you were seeing a stranger. He looked different and he felt different and he looked tired than ever. Nevertheless you jumped on him and hugged him tight, making sure he was real.

"Oh god I've missed you, more than you could ever know," he stroked your hair and kissed your forehead.

"Really? Then show me how much you've missed me," you say as you lead him into your shared bedroom.

"I'm so sorry I missed your opening, darling I really wanted to be there"

"It's alright, we have another celebration next month, you can meet everyone there"

"Oh I can't make it to that either, I have to get away again after three weeks"

"But you just came back! And Noelle is just two years old, how do you expect me to take care of her and go to work?"

"There's nothing I can do, y/n. The contracts have already been signed. This is my big break, it's important to me"

"And our marriage is not? Your daughter is not?"

"You both are the most important to me," he put his calloused hands on your cheeks. "But you knew this was what our life would be when you married me"

"Everything has changed since then, Harry. We have a child now and we're so happy here. Why do you have to go away halfway across the world for months"

"Nothing has changed. I still love you the same and our careers are still as important to us as before"

"You could have at least talked to me about this"

"Yes I'm sorry. Everything will be alright once I return, I just have to go now"

Harry couldn't focus on work that day. He just kept replaying the conversation he had with you before leaving.

'I can't lose her. I really can't," he thought. 'Oh my god I love her, I love her so much. We have to find a way to make this work'

And ten thousand miles away from him, you sat all alone on the bed, thinking, 'this will not work, we're so happy, why does he want to give all of this up?'

"We're not teenagers anymore, y/n. Now I want something and you want something else, our worlds are different"

"So we just let it go?"

"I'm not saying that we have to let anything go, but it's my career, y/n. For the first time in my life, things have finally started to move and I don't want to lose anything"

"Harry… I have always supported your career. I have always supported your dreams. But you can have everything you want right here with me and Noelle. You don't have to leave"

"You're not even trying to understand"

"I'm understanding everything. I can't do this anymore, I'm not another one of your fans, Harry. I can't just keep on chasing you like this"

"Ice skating? Really?" you say as you see the long sheet of ice that lay on the ground in front of you, there were only a few people as it was a cold day. Everyone was probably snuggled up in bed with some warm coffee rather than going out on a date with their ex husband.

"We can go somewhere else if you want, there's a restaurant-"

"No this is fine. After all Noelle chose it"

He helps you put on your skates and you both hold each other, trying not to lose balance until you reach the ice rink.

"Ah that's it," he lets go of your arm but still holds your hand in his.

"Wait what did you mean Noelle chose it?"

"You don't know your daughter, Mr Holland. She's grown up to be quite the matchmaker," you laugh.

"You remember how we used to come here?" you smile at the memories, you and Harry used to go ice skating almost every week in winters. Although neither of you were the best at it, you loved the times you spent falling and laughing and later on having hot chocolate in each other's arms.

"Yeah," he tries to hold your other hand as well. "You remember the Christmas Noelle was born? I miss taking her out ice skating"

"Of course I remember," you sigh. "Eighteen hours of labor, and I was alone. You couldn't even make it in time for the birth of your own daughter"

"She was supposed to be born in January, how could I have known she would come in so early?"

"Well you always have the excuses ready, don't you?"

"It's not an excuse, it's more of an explanation. The flights were all booked, I mean it was Christmas! And I did reach the hospital in time"

"You reached the hospital when she was all cleaned up and in my arms"

He stays silent for a few moments and then speaks, with a gentler tone. "Y/n I'm sorry, I really am"

"You always said that, yet you never did anything to understand what went wrong"

"I was just so caught up in my life, I mean… there was so much work. I know I didn't spend much time with you both and-"

"It wasn't even about spending time, Harry. The thing is, you were never there for us. When I needed you the most, you weren't there. Even your brother understood that I needed someone but you didn't. You're just so-" you choked on the words.

"I know, and all I can say is that I've messed up, big time. I know you can't forgive me"

"Oh I've forgiven you a long time ago, Harry"

His hair was all messed up from the wind, going wild in all directions like a crown on his head. His nose and cheeks were turning red from the cold and all you wanted in that moment, was just kiss him. You wanted to feel his cold lips on yours until they turned warm. You wanted to hold his hair in your fingers, you wanted to touch him, you wanted to feel him. You wanted everything you once had. You wanted him back.

"I remember everything about you, you know?" he spoke up. "How can I ever forget? I remember how much you loved reading and how you hated it when I left my clothes on the floor. And how you keep your socks on during sex"

"You just had to bring that up" you roll your eyes and laugh.

"The thing is, I love you. I always have, even now when we're.... over, I still love you. I never got over you"

"Harry-"

"Y/n, what we had, it was something else. You're… the only woman I've actually ever loved in my life"

"And you're the only one who I've loved in my life. But we can't go back now"

"Why? Why can't we give it another chance? Give us another chance?"

"It didn't work the first time, why do you think it'll work now?"

"I don't. But I'm miserable without you and we're different now. I've lost you once and I'll never make you feel like I'm busy for you, ever again"

"Are you sure? I'm tired, Harry. I'm so tired, I really cannot go through this if everything goes wrong again"

"It won't. I promise you, let's give us another chance, please?"

You looked into his eyes and you knew the answer.

*･ﾟﾟ･*:｡:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　　

🌻

Taglist

@mischiefmanaged011 @notsosmexy @drie-the-derp @justanothermarvelmaniac @amorhollands @thisetaernallove @calltothewild @fancyxparker @peterspideysstuff @musicalkeys @theliterarymess @hollands-weasley @tommysparker @god-knows-what-am-i-doing @parkerpeter24 @more-like-reyna @hollandbroz-n-haz @aqiise @sarcasticallywitty15 @spiderrrling @theonly1outof-a-billion

[my-emotional-self]

Sinful Love - Chapter 1

Moodboard by the beautiful @princess-evans-addict​

Pairings: Prisoner!Steve Rogers x OFC

Warnings: Swearing, Prison, Steve has lots of naughty thoughts, talk of murder, blood

Summary:  Gemma, a quiet and meek crime writer from a small town in Massachusetts, interviews murderer Steve Rogers in prison for a memoir.  Will things go terribly wrong, or beautifully right?

Authors Note: Credit for this fanfic goes 100% to punk-in-docs as this is is based off her Prisoner!Kylo Ren “Sinnerman”.  You can find her on Tumblr at punk-in-docs or on A03 - Punk_in_Docs .  I HIGHLY suggest taking a look at her stories as she is a beautiful writer!!!

P.S.  I am currently NOT doing a tag list at the moment so I am sorry about that. 

 She was cold; that much was for sure.  Gemma bounced her leg up and down as she was sat in the cold metal chair, waiting for her name to be called.  Her emerald green eyes scanned her surroundings as she pulled her ratty old cardigan closer to her body.  

Her eyes landed on the sign in front of her: Souza-Baranowski Correctional Center. Yes, she was sitting in the waiting room of a prison.  

This was her job, as a crime writer with her publishing firm.  She didn’t mind it.  She loved hearing how inmates have turned their lives around for the better and she still even wrote to some of the inmates she had interviewed in the past.

Gemma Peterson was someone that people didn’t really give a second glance to; and she liked it that way. Ever since she was as young as she could remember, she was always told by her mother and grandmother what a dreamer she was; how her creativity would get her somewhere one day.  And yet here she was, sitting in a prison and waiting to interview a murderer.  

She really couldn’t complain however as she loved her job.  She knew she wanted to be a writer her whole life; that’s what she got for growing up in the smaller community a half hour away from Boston, Massachusetts. It was well known for its literary history.  

As she continued to wait, her right hand came up to grip the locket around her neck; closing her eyes and thinking of her grandmother and mother.  She had never known her father as he was never a part of her life. “Wish me luck today,” she spoke under her breath, knowing her grandma and mom were always with her.  Her mother unfortunately passed away before her 17th birthday: a horrible car accident took her away from you.  

Gemma’s mother was her world and was always there for her.  After her untimely death, her grandmother picked up the pieces and helped her get through everything.  

“Peterson!  You’re up!” Her thoughts were pulled from her when she heard her name being called.  Looking up, she saw a short and round man with sweat stains under his armpits waiting for her near a door.  She knew it was the resident Psychiatrist, Dr. Kauffman,  with whom she talked to on the phone earlier in the week.  

Quickly standing up, she gathered her satchel which held her notebook, along with the prison inmate file on Steve Rogers, and briskly walked over to the man.  

He looked her up and down then shook his head.  “They are going to eat you alive kid,” he spoke with a shake of his head before turning away from her and walking down the long and narrow hall.  

Gemma scrunched her brows and looked down at her outfit.  She made sure to dress accordingly with what the psychiatrist said. She was wearing a knee length black dress and a green cardigan to cover her exposed arms; her hair was neatly tucked back into a ponytail and she wasn’t wearing any makeup.  A pair of black converse on her feet.  But her eyes widened when she realized she put perfume on that morning.  Silently, she scolded herself as the man in front of her walked through another set of doors and took a sharp turn to the left.  

Taking deep breaths, Gemma kept up pace with the doctor in front of her as they now reached the official area where the inmates were locked up.  

“Hey sexy bitch!” A man growled from her right.  “Get your sexy ass over her and let me take a good look at you!”  

Glancing to her right, she saw a tall man, at least six foot five with his hands clenched around the steel bars; his smile wide, showing off his yellow teeth.  

There was a guard walking behind you and he took his baton, smacking it against the steel bars, effectively shutting the inmate up.

After a few more twists and turns, Dr. Kauffman leads Gemma into what looks like the visitor room. There are rows of metal tables and chairs; the tables having locks in the middle of them so the prisoners can be chained down with their handcuffs.  

“Take a seat,” Dr. Kauffman states as he points to one of the tables.  The room was large, but there was nobody else there.  It was cold, cooler than the previous room she was waiting in and it smelt musty.  

Dr. Kauffman took a seat at the opposite side of the table as her, clasping his hands together.  “Look, I know you’re here to interview Rogers, but don’t be surprised if you don’t get any information out of him,” he stated. Gemma furrowed her brows in curiosity to what he said.  “There have been dozens of interviewers here over the years and Rogers doesn’t particularly care to give any kind of information to them.”  He got up from his seat, placing his hands on the table and leaning towards her. “And just so you know, this is the first time he has seen a woman in three years.”

Gemma gulped, but her throat was so dry, it didn’t do anything.  Why was she so nervous all of a sudden?  This was her job; she’s interviewed hundreds of people over the last handful of years, but she had never been quite this nervous before.  

“Are you wearing perfume?” Dr. Kauffman asked as he stood away, folding his arms over his chest.

Gemma blushed, nodding her head.  “Sorry. It’s a habit.  I’ll remember for next time.  Promise.”

Dr. Kauffman walked towards the steel beamed doors where there were two prisons guards waiting.  

As Gemma waited for him to grab Steve Rogers, she placed her notebook and inmate file in front of her on the table.  Opening the file, she still couldn’t believe that there was no picture of the inmate. When she had asked her boss about it, he merely shrugged.  She had the file for almost a week and had memorized everything inside of it.  

She read over the questions she had written in front of her as she waiting; her hands palms starting to sweat as her heart began to beat rapidly inside of her chest; anxiety and fear creeping over her.  

“You need to behave yourself and be nice Rogers,” one of the guards spoke.  

Another voice broke through Gemma’s thoughts; one of the sexiest voices she had ever heard. Looking up from her papers in front of her, she saw a tall, well built man, clad in an orange jumpsuit, wrists and ankles locked together with cuffs, entering the expansive room.  

He scoffed at the guard, a sly smile on his face.  “I don’t play well with others and you know that.”

Her heart nearly dropped to her stomach at the sight of him.  He had to be close to six feet tall.  His hair was a dark blonde, almost brunette and was longer at the top of his head while the sides were shorter.  His hair was combed backwards and he had a thick yet trimmed beard resting on his face.

The guard brought him closer to Gemma, stopping just in front of her.  He pulled the chair out for Steve to sit in and cuffed him to the table.  

“We’ll be just outside the door, so no funny business Rogers,” the guard spoke, pulling at his cuffs to make sure he wasn’t going anywhere.  

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Steve bit back sarcastically.  

It took a moment for Steve to look over at Gemma and when she did, she wanted to simultaneously shrink down in her seat from her glare, yet get lost in his eyes forever.  They were the bluest eyes she had ever seen in her life and she was mesmerized by them.  

Steve cleared his throat, making Gemma startle in her seat.   She tore her gaze from his eyes and noticed he had tattoos peeking out of the neck of his jumpsuit.  As she trailed her view from his neck, she also realized he had more black ink sticking out of sleeves of his orange garb and to his hands; wondering if his entire body was covered in the ink.  

Steve couldn’t help but take notice of the smaller woman sitting in front of him.  She was a mousy little thing, yet he could tell she was curvy underneath that drab old cardigan she was wearing.  Fuck, Steve hadn’t seen a woman in over three years and he wasn’t disappointed in this little Kitten sitting here.  He couldn’t help but notice when he startled her earlier, scaring her; it made his dick throb.

She wet her lips, grasping her notebook in her hands and looking over her questions yet again.  

Steve began to feel his temper rise under his skin, waiting for this little Kitten to speak.  Hell, at this point, he was beginning to think she was a damn mute.  

Gemma took a sip of water from her water bottle that was stashed away in her satchel; getting comfortable in her chair.  “Umm, I just wanted to say thank you for agreeing to meet and speak with me Mr. Rogers,” she spoke, her voice awfully quiet.  

His eyes narrowed at her as he leaned back in his chair, arms folding across his chest.  “Yeah yeah.  Let’s just get this over with.  I’m missing my yard time today for some journalist here.”

Gemma shuffles anxiously in her chair.  “Well, I’m not a journalist Mr. Rogers.  My name is Gemma Peterson and I’m a writer actually.  I work for a small publishing firm and they are interested in your story as a lifer in this prison.  They are actually doing a series on inmates and their personal memoirs and it will be published into a book of….”

Steve scoffed, cutting you off.  “Writer or journalist, you’re all the same. There’s no difference,” he mutters under his breath.  His eyes glance down to the manila folder that held his inmate information.  “From the looks of it, you’ve already read everything about me so you should know how I feel about journalists hounding me for questions about my life before prison and now.”  His voice was warning, yet a deep purr.  He leaned against the table, closer to Gemma, eyes pinning under his dark gaze.  

There was something about the fear that was ignited in Gemma, which also turned her on.  His eyes were piercing deep into her soul, mesmerized, yet terrified at the same time.  

Steve fought the urge to moan at the way she bit her lower lip, as if to stop herself from trembling; his cock jumping for attention under his orange jumpsuit.  She was modest, submissive even and he had to stop thinking dark thoughts about his hand around her throat as he fucked her raw.  When he was told about this interview, he assumed it would have been a balding fat man, not a shapely appetizing young woman.  

He was leaned over the table, as close as he could possible lean and inhaled deeply.  His nostrils were met with the most wondrous smell; some sort of flower he couldn’t quite figure out, but he wanted more of it.  He thanked whatever higher power out there for her perfume, her scent; it was a good distraction for his shitty fucking life in prison.  

Gemma took a shuddering breath as Steve leaned closer to her over the table; her eyes on his large hands clasped together.  

“Well go on then.  Ask your damn questions,” Steve urged, a hint of playfulness in his warning tone, making Gemma’s mind swirl with confusion.

“Umm, what..what more can you tell me about your conviction and what was it like?” She slowly glances back up at Steve, immediately regretting it.  His jaw was tight, tense.  

“Lengthy and tedious,” came Steve’s stiff answer.  

“And what about the trial?” she asks softly.

He doesn’t answer. Instead, he glances down at his file and back up to her.  “Read the damn file.  It’s all in there.”

Usually she is poised during interviews, but Steve is throwing her off track with his demeanor. “Alright then,” she speaks, shifting in her chair.  “How has it been adjusting to life here in prison?”

“Agonizing,” he replies; his face deadpanned.  

“Umm,” she stumbled as she fumbled through her notes.  She could feel her cheeks begin to redden with mortification at her loss of thought. This was definitely not going the way she imagined.  Sure, she had never interviewed a prisoner before, but she had seen numerous crime shows and interviews online with prisoners and they acted anything but like Steve.  Her throat was beginning to dry up and reached for her bottle of water, taking a quick swig.  Not only was his behavior throwing her off, but he stature in general was terrifying. Here she was, sitting not only in front of a murderer, but a big man in and of itself.  His biceps were trying to break free from his jumpsuit and she could tell he was ripped and muscular underneath.  

Her eyes trailed up to his face; the veins in his neck starting to pop out.  “What do you want me to say huh?” he growled through his teeth. “You want me to sit here and talk about and describe in detail what killing and hurting those men felt like huh? How good it felt when I plunged the knife into their stomachs and slashed their throats?  Or how I watched one of them die a slow and painful death after cutting his femoral artery?  People don’t realize just how much blood the human body can hold, but I sure do Kitten and it’s quite a fucking lot of blood,” he explained.  

Gemma wanted to flinch at the pet name he gave her, but she kept her cool as best she could. Instead, she looked at him with her big emerald green innocent and scared eyes.  

Steve nearly came in his jumpsuit at the terrified way she was looking at him.  Fuck he would give anything to snap these chains off him, bend her over the table and slam his dick into her pussy.  He knew, just by looking at her, what a tight little cunt she had; and he wanted it.  

“Is that what you want to hear Kitten?  I think deep down you want to hear that I enjoyed killing those men.  Fuck, I’m glad I did it.  And no, I wouldn’t take it back if I had the chance to.  Sure, I’m fucking pissed to be locked in this miserable God forsaken place like a caged animal.  Having to be told when I can eat, sleep and taking a goddamn piss. But it is what it is,” he stated, shrugging  as if it was nothing.  

Gemma could do nothing but stare back at him.  Steve studied her, knowing he was wrong.  No, she was too sweet, too pure.  She wasn’t hard hearted like him.  He watches as she nervously chews on her lower lip.  

“What do you miss most from outside of this place?”

The question made him cock his head to the side in curiosity.  This petite, shapely five foot four librarian looking woman just astonished the five foot eleven murderer.  

“What?” Steve asked.  

“What do you miss about-“

“I heard the fucking question Kitten,” he growled.  

This time when he called her Kitten, she didn’t want to flinch.  Instead, she felt an oddly exciting tingle go down her spine; her cheeks turning a beautiful shade of pink.  Steve knew exactly what his pet name did to her as he slyly smirked.  

Steve stayed silent, not knowing how to answer that question.  Nobody ever asked him that question before in interviews.  

She remained quiet as well, her eyes fidgeting with her pen.  She had been told time and time again to not give any personal information about herself, but she couldn’t help just speaking up.  “I’d miss baking.”  Her voice was the softest she had ever spoken; Steve barely heard her.  

Her eyes flick back up to Steve as he sits back in his chair, getting comfortable.  His slicked back hair was now in the light of one of the few windows in the room and even though he used only prison shampoo, it looked so soft; she wanted to run her fingers through it.  

Since Steve wasn’t saying anything, she figured she would continue speaking.  “My grandma left me her house in her will when she passed. It’s quite small.  Just a two bedroom two bathroom house.  But it has a porch with a porch swing in the front and is full of hand me downs and small knick-knacks.  It’s warm and cozy and clean, and all mine,” she speaks.  “It’s all I have.  I don’t have any family left.  My entire life exists in that small house.   I grew up there my entire life.  I remember planting some lilac bushes when I was younger.  I love it every spring when they bloom, even if it’s not for very long.  My grandma and I planted a garden in the front of the house.  I try to keep up with the garden, but that was my grandma’s thing.  Plants and flowers.  Luckily the garden we planted when I was younger, doesn’t take much to upkeep. But baking is my passion. Cookies, brownies, pies and cakes. I make a lot of cakes for special events in my town.”

She couldn’t help but glance up at Steve and she couldn’t tell if her mind was playing tricks on her or not, but it looked like he was smirking.  

“Coffee,” was all he said, making Gemma nod her head.  But then he continued.  “Italian coffee to be exact.  Nothing added to it, dark as the ink on my skin.  The shit coffee they serve in here tastes like dirt.”  Gemma couldn’t help but let out a small giggle, the sound going straight to Steve’s dick, making him inwardly groan.  

The two of them sat there quietly, staring at one another.  

“Time’s up,” came the voice of one of the guards.  Gemma turned and saw two guards entering the room.  They stopped in front of Steve and unshackled him from the table.  Roughly, they jerked his hands away from the table and she wondered if his wrists were sore or hurt as she noticed how his skin was raised and red near the cuffs.  

“Come and see me again Kitten,” Steve spoke with a slight upturned grin to his lips.  

Gemma watched as the guards took him from the room.  She had never felt this way before she did today; terrified and fearful, yet oddly excited to see him again.  She had not planned on coming back here again, but when he called her that pet name yet again, she had made up her mind to visit him next week.  

[bbykpoper]

𝓡𝓪𝓼𝓹𝓫𝓮𝓻𝓻𝔂 🌧️

Inspired by this post 🌼

Pairing: petshopworker!hongjoong x bookshopowner!reader

Index: Jongho // Seonghwa // San // Yunho // Wooyoung // Mingi // Yeosang

･*:༅｡

It was another gloomy day outside your little shop as you sighed in content observing the clouds outside with a smile. The inside of your bookstore was quiant with antique sofas and armchairs to add some spice to the space. The strong aroma of Jasmine filled your space by the windows as you sat with your tea cup and observed the outside. A smile graced your delicate features as you saw your best friend waving at you through her shop window which was loacted right across the street. 

It wasn’t long after that she come over to join you on her break.

“You’re covered in cat fur again.” You giggled observing her apron littered with various coloured fur. 

“Yeah, we had a few adoptions today.” She shrugged her shoulders. “You could have come over and looked around.”

“You know I don’t need a pet.” You snorted, sipping your tea.

“I meant to come over and stare at Hongjoong.” She slyly smiled.

You punched her shoulder with a gasp, laughing along with her. She had recently hired a young man by the name of Hongjoong who had caught your eye, but you didn’t exactly have the social skills to introduce yourself let alone talk to him. 

“When are you going to stop by my shop so I can introduce you?” Your friend pouted. “I’ve seen him sometimes glancing out to look at you when you water your flowers outside.”

“Sure, and the parrot on your window display likes to screech at him to announce my appearance outside.” You sarcastically retorted.

“How did you know?”

You rolled your eyes and munched on the pastries she had brought along, totally ignoring that comment. 

“By the way, when I close this evening you want to join me on my adventure of picking up a cake for Joonie?” She asked. “He also wants to see you. He’s been missing his favourite aunty.”

Joonie was your best friend’s son and you’ve practically raised him along with her. She got pregnant at 19 and it wasn’t easy for her seeing as the bastard that knocked her up bailed the minute she peed on the pregnancy test. It was always a joy to visit her and her son, seeing that wide smile he showed you.

“Sure, are we going by Sugarberry’s?” 

“Of course! He keeps asking for their famous sugarberry cake.” Your friend sighed. 

“I’ll close up early and come over.” You smiled.

“Awesome!” Your friend looked at her wrist watch and let out a sigh. “I need to get going, my break is over.” 

With a wave she left you to clean up the table and go back to organising the books which came in the other day. Unbeknownst to you, your friend was talking with a red-haired young man, smirking as she kept glancing in the direction of your store.

  ･*:༅｡

7 p.m. rolled by and you entered the pet shop across the street, the ding above her head lazily making a sound as it hit the door. The parrot in the window display screeched in panic more so than other times but you didn’t pay much attention to it. You were used to that bird and it’s exesive reactions. 

Nobody was at the front so you decided to venture towards the back where they usually kept the insects and reptiles. You passed by the puppies who were eagerly barking at you, a smile thrown towards them. You stopped when you reached the glass cages with the kittens, noticing how most were empty.

“Mew...” A soft mewl drew your attention and you frowned.

“You’re still here...” You sighed, gently petting the dirty grey cat through the small ventilation holes of her cage. “Why doesn’t anybody want you little one?”

“It’s more like she doesn’t want anybody.” A voice made you jump in fright as you whipped around to face it. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s okay...” Your shy smile peeked itself from your averted gaze. 

“Miss atitude here bit the small boy who took a liking to her and his mom decided it’d be best if they got a puppy.” The man walked up to you, also trying to pet the cat but ending up getting bitten. “It seems she doesn’t exactly like me either.”

“That’s not true.” You looked back to the cat. “She bit me multiple times before I earned her trust.”

The man looked over at you taking in your appearance. He was surprised that he had this chance to look at you so closely, seeing that you had freckles gracing your cheeks and a cute naturally red nose. You then suddenly turned to look at him and his cheeks suddenly flared up at the sudden eye contact. You now had the chance to notice how his brown eyes shied away from yours, how his hair seemed to be longer in the back and how his smile lit up the entire room.

“I’m Hongjoong by the way.” He introduced himself.

“y/n...” You breathed out, cursing your friend in the back of your mind.

She set you up. 

“Is Lia here?” You asked.

“Yeah, she’s getting changed. She’ll be out any minute.” He said and his words were followed by an awkward silence. “So, ever thought about adopting an animal?” 

“Lia’s been on my case since forever.” You giggled and filled his heart with so much warmth with just that one sound. “But I really don’t think I can take care of an animal.” Your eyes went back up to the cat. “I also don’t want to get attached to something I can easily loose.”

Those words puzzled Hongjoong and he was just about to ask what you meant by that, but Lia came out a smile on her face and gaze sparkling with mischief.

“You ready to go?” Lia asked and you nodded following her out.

“It was nice meeting you.” You waved at the man.

“You too.” He waved back.

The minute you stepped out the soft expression on your face turned into an unamused one, glare steady on Lia’s form. She shrugged her shoulders with a giggle and stuck her tongue out.

“You’re the devil you know that.” 

“I’ve been called worse.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I’ll buy you a piece of that raspberry cake you liked so much to atone for my sins.”

“Damn well you will.”

･*:༅｡

A few days had passed by from your meeting with Hongjoong and you had been enjoying the quiet of your shop as you just sat back and read. The bell above the shop’s door jingled with mirth as the rain drops hit themselves against the long metal pieces. You raised your gaze as you marker where you had stopped in the passage only to be surprised by the customer at hand.

“Fancy seeing you here.” You commented with a smile.

“I thought I’d stop by and say hello.” Hongjoong smiled back. “I also need a book for a friend’s birthday so Lila advised me to come here.”

“Of course she did.” You looked passed him and into the window display of the pet shop where Lia was holding up both her thumbs in encouragement. “What kind of book are you looking for?”

“Poetry.” He shrugged his shoulders. “He’s been getting into romance poetry quite a bit after he had met this girl and well, it’s ‘inspiring’ as he said.”

“Poetry huh?” You hummed and looked up to the second floor of your shop, a thoughtful finger on your chin. Something which made Hongjoong swoon over you on the inside. “I think I have something. Come on.”

With a smile you led him up the steps and deeper into the shop, stopping in front of one of the book cases. Hongjoong noticed a few students loitering around, heads deep in their books. He even noticed Jongho’s girlfriend with her friends as they furiously went over book after book, her small wave making him wave back. You noticed the exchange of greeting and raised an eyebrow at how he knew a student from the local university but said nothing. You weren’t the type to pry.

“Hold on a second, I’ll get the book.” You said as you pulled over the ladder from the corner, the wheels on it almost soundless.

You climbed up the steps and Hongjoong averted his gaze in embarrassment, not daring to look up. The mocking snort he got from Jongho’s girlfriend was not helping his case! Your hand reached the grey book, swiftly pulling it out and slidding down the ladder. You handed the book to Hongjoong and he raised his eyebrows in wonder.

“Love her wild by Atticus?” He asked.

“It’s a collection of everyday life poems.” You said. “It’s the little things that count Hongjoong.” 

He nodded at your words as you made your way back down to the counter so he could pay for it. 

“Do a lot of students come here?” He suddenly asked.

“Yup. It’s more quiet than their campus library and sometimes they find books which can’t be found in the library. My grandma used to have this policy to let the students come by and study always offering them tea and biscuits. I took over that policy and enjoy their sheepish reactions when I ask them what tea they’d like today.” Your giggle echoed down the stairs. “Would like me to wrap the book so you don’t have to?”

“That’d be awesome.” He smiled wide as you took the book from him. “So you inherited the shop from your grandma?”

“Yes.” You answered. “She died last year and left it to me. It was hard at first but I think I got the hang of it.” Sadness was evident in your voice. 

“I’m sorry to hear that.” He spoke softly. “I think you are doing an excelent job here.”

“Thanks.” You handed him the book just as he handed you the money. He turned to leave but stopped suddenly, looking back at you. “Hey, would you like to grab some coffee after you close the store today?”

“Don’t you have a birthday to go to?” You asked a deep blush coating your cheeks.

“I can be a little late.” Hongjoong chuckled.

“Alright.” You smiled. “I’d love to.”

“Great, I’ll come pick you up when you close.” He said and left. 

You sat back and looked after him as he entered the pet shop and went past Lia who seemed to want to know what happened. When he dismissed her with a laugh she looked over to you and you stuck your tongue out at her, shock coating her facial features. 

It wasn’s so long before your shop’s closing time came round and only a few students were left as they packed up their things and headed for the door. The girl that greeted Hongjoong earlier today stayed back and helped you clean off the tea cups and plates of biscuits, choosing to speak to you a bit.

“Miss y/n?” You turned around to face her with a questioning look in your eyes. “Hongjoong is a really nice man and you should definitely give him a chance.”

“What?” You blushed furiously when she said that.

“I’m dating one of his friends and he hasn’t exactly been subtle by the crush he has on you.” She giggled. “But seriously, you two would fit each other well.”

She left the store and you stood there a few minutes with a shocked expression on your face. It seemed the feelings were mutual between you two but something about that scared you. You looked up at the clock and noticed it was a minute to seven so without further thinking you shut off all the lights and stepped out, locking the door behind you. 

“Are you ready?” Hongjoong ran towards you and asked with excitement in his voice.

You turned around and were surprised by the small rose he held out for you. You nodded eagerly as you walked next to him, filling the air with little chatter about your day today. You made your way towards Sugarberry’s and took a seat outside just as the waitress came by.

“Hey Joong, fancy seeing you here.” She teased him. “What can I get you two?”

“I’ll have my a mazagran. I need to prepare for Seonghwa’s birthday.” He sighed and nodded his head when the waitress laughed.

“Jesus, you and Mingi seem to be the only ones thinking ahead.” She commented and then looked over at you. “And what about your pretty date?”

“D-Date?” You blushed at those words. You weren’t dense and figured this was some type of date, but when she said it like that it made your chest do flips. “I’d like a black coffe and a piece of raspberry cake.”

“Sure thing.” She said and went inside.

“You like raspberries?” 

“Yeah. It’s my favorite fruit. If I could I’d mix them in everything I eat or drink.” You laughed. “Did you know that Serbia is the main distributor for raspberries around the world? I’d really like to visit there sometime to see those fields for myself.”

“I didn’t know that. It sounds nice.” He smiled at your enthusiasm.

The waitress came back with your order and exchanged a few more words with Hongjoong before she left inside again.

“You seem to know a lot of people.” You commented on your observation.

“I guess. My friend owns this bakery slash caffe. I know all the staff here.” He shrugged his shoulders. 

“I’ll be right back.” His eyes travelled behind you and spotted something. 

You as well turned back to look at what he was and you noticed a blue haired man. He went over and greeted him and they began talking about something. You didn’t even notice the waitress had come out and stopped beside you to observe as well.

“You know, he’s a nice guy. A bit clumsy but nice. He treats his friends as if they were his kids but will never admit it.” She startled you but you quickly recovered.

“Yeah, you’re the second person to have told me that today.” You sighed. “I’d like to give him a chance but I’m scared of doing so. I’m scared he’ll disappear just like everybody around me seems to be.”

“You know, it’s still too early for you to see that. Maybe this time it will be different. You never know until you try.” She shrugged her shoulders at you. 

“But what if I just want to shelter myself from the inevitable?” Your eyes met for a second. “The fear in me keeps telling me to run while I can, but my instinct keeps telling me to trust him. I’m just so confused.”

“Maybe you should tell him about your fear?” She suggested. “He is a man with a lot of understanding and patience. I’ve seen him trying to befriend a stray for months without even the slightest ounce of giving up. If you’re honest about trying to date him, you should confide in him.” She smiled at you warmly as she noticed Hongjoong coming back. “You never know.”

The man looked weirdly after the waitress as she skipped back inside, taking his seat at the table you two were at.

“Did she say anything weird?” He asked with a raised eyebrow. “Did she tell you the story about me and Mingi drunkenly sweeping the floors?”

“No.” You laughed. “But do tell.”

You had taken into consideration what she had said and let yourself ponder the thought later. Right now you just really wanted to enjoy the time spent with him and listen to his embarrassing stories.

･*:༅｡

You and Hongjoong kept seeing each other for the next month on a regular basis, him always coming over on breaks just like Lia and you two going out on dates on the weekends. 

But this weekend it was different. 

This weekend was girls night and you and Lia had agreed to go out to a wine tasting in the local brewery. Both needed to relax and talk seeing as they were too busy with life, and it was pure luck Joonie had went over to his grandparent’s house so LIa could stay out until late. You both dressed up and sat comfortably at a table, two glasses of wine shinning under the candle light.

“I didn’t think you had it in you to dress up again Lia.” You snorted out a laugh.

“Please, if it weren’t for you I would never even have dresses to go out.” She rolled her eyes. “But I see you’ve been shopping lately. Getting all pretty for the new boyfriend?”

“We haven’t actually labelled our... thing.” You blushed looking down at your dirty white silk cocktail dress. “I mean, I guess we’re dating but I’m not sure.” You looked at your glass. “I’m scared to ask.”

“Are you scared to ask because knowing the fact that you are it would mean attaching yourself to him?” Lia knew about your problem and anxieties. She was with you through it all, just as you had been with her. 

“That’s the thing, I already AM attached to him...” The shaking of your voice made Lia sigh.

“Then maybe it’s time you talked to him. About everything.” She was serious and her voice was demanding. “It’s time you told him about your grandma. About your parents. And about the lack of men in your life.”

“I can’t just throw my baggage at him...” You squeaked out. “He’ll run away from me and I’ll be left to blame myself. Again.”

“No he wont.” Lia grabbed your hands. “Listen to me y/n, he is different. You saw that, I saw that. He will listen. And he will stay.”

The way Lia had worded this made you realise just what she meant. 

“But I’m a coward Lia.” You stated with fear in your eyes.

“Not after a bottle of wine you’re not.”

･*:༅｡

Hongjoong sat at home enjoying his Friday night with a glass of his favorite whiskey in one hand and a book recommended by you in the other. The rain poured outside and he sighed knowing that those dark clouds finally let out their anger on the world. He smiled at the childish poems written in the margins of the book as he read them over and over again, imagining just what kind of person you were back in highschool. As he flipped the pages he came across one in particular, that seemed to be written in red ink, standing out from the rest of them which were in black. 

As he finished reading over it a text message came from you.

y/n🥰[11.43 p.m.] what’s your address?

With a raised eyebrow he answered your message not really thinking anything of it until 20 minutes later a soft knock came at his door. He placed his drink and book on the table and went over, thinking one of the boys had forgotten something at his place or perhaps got drunk and ended up here, but when he opened the door to a rosy cheeked you in all your silk glory he chocked back a shocked gasp and just stared at you with an open mouth.

“Hiya!” You smiled wide, your lips stained with the red wine you were clearly dunk off of. “I missed you Joongieee~”

You hugged him so easily it caught him by surprise but he wasn’t complaining. You weren’t exactly the touchy type and this was so soothing to him he had to hug back with all that he got. Who knows when he would get the chance to hug you again.

“You’re wet. Come on inside, let’s dry your hair off.” 

You followed after him without a complaint and he closed the door as you entered. Lia let out a soft breath as she waited for you to be safe inside and left the building, praying that this would work and that you haven’t gotten drunk for nothing.

“I’m sorry I didn’t spend tonight with you Jongiee, you know I would but I needed time off to gather my courage Jongiee.” You said in a sing-song voice, amusing the man who gently dabbed her hair with a towel.

“Had fun tonight I see.” 

“I got drunk on purpose.” You admitted without any hesitation. “I had to because I’m a coward and can’t tell you otherwise.”

“Now why would you be a coward?” Hongjoong was now very confused.

“Because I love you.” The man almost slipped off his own couch when he heard those words. “But I can’t fully love you if I’m scared you’ll leave me like the rest.”

“What are you talking about y/n?” He now kneeled in front of you holding your hands in his. “I won’t leave you. I’m having so much fun with you that I’d be pretty stupid to leave.”

“That’s what grandmother used to tell me too. But then she left me for good.” Your pout was so prominent that it physically hurt Hongjoong to see you this way. “My parents died in a car crash a few months after I was born so I never met them. I’ve been with my grandparents ever since. My grandfather died when I was seven and since then I’ve been coping with death quite badly. When I was in highschool I liked this boy and we started dating, but he also died of an illness. Ever since then I closed myself off from human contact and only ever had room for Lia and my grandmother. Then Lia had her son and he was the only joy in both of our lives. We were all happy.” You looked at the floor and held his hands tighter. “But when my grandmother died I thought my wold was going to end. My days were mundane.” You finally looked up at him and into his eyes. “Until I met you.”

“I’m so sorry you went through all of that.” He sincerely said.

“I’m scared I’m going to loose you too and that I’ll be left alone again Hongjoong.” You said now kneeling just as he was. “I don’t get attached to people because of that fear. But for the first time I did. I don’t regret it, but I’m scared.”

“You shouldn’t be!” He exclaimed and brought you in for a hug. “That little poem you wrote in the book you lent me broke my heart y/n! I could never leave such a raw power like yours!” He kissed the top of your head with a silent promise. “I’ll fight God if I have to! He is either taking both of us, or none at all.”

The soft snores which came from your body softened him to a puddle. He hooked his arm under your legs and carried you off to his bed, tucking you in and kissing your forehead. You looked so peaceful and composed.

The weight has been finally lifted off your shoulders.

“You’re stuck with me and I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He whispered out.

･*:༅｡

Loud lapping noises came from one of the tables as a grey ball of fluff drank the liquid from one of the cups. The young girls at the table gushed out as the cat enjoyed their cup of tea this afternoon.

“I’m sorry girls. Is Bi bothering you?” You asked worried as you caught the little rascal of the cat. “She seems to enjoy raspberry tea for some reason.”

“Oh not at all Miss y/n.” The girls were quick to protest. “We rather enjoy her company.”

You smiled excusing yourself and taking your cat downstairs to the counter. The bell chime of your shop sounded and a bouncy Hongjoong came in, a bag loosely hanging off his shoulder.

“Hiya.” He greeted you with a peck to your lips as you blushed. “I brought some raspberry cake.”

“How’d you know I was craving some?” You asked him, a teasing smirk on your face.

“I had a hunch. Come on, I wanna give you our one year anniversary present!” He ushered you to sit down in the lounge area of your shop pulling an envelope from his bag.

“Can I give you mine first?” You asked, holding on to a box.

He nodded and quickly snatched the box from your fingers and opened it, surprise on his facial features. He pulled out the small golden ball and looked at you for an explanation. 

“It’s a compass. So you don’t get lost from me.” You blushed saying the last bit of it.

“This is so wholesome I could cry.” His eyes were really getting glossy. “Now open yours!”

You carefully tarred the envelope and pulled out two pieces of paper you thought you never would see in your life. It was two plain tickets to Serbia, a ten day trip to their famous raspberry fields. You looked up at your boyfriend with wide happy eyes.

“I booked them on our first date.” He admitted with a shy smile. “I knew we’d be together long enough for those to stay valid.” He smiled widely at you, the bookshop getting filled with warmth created by the both of you. “I’m really glad you gave me a chance y/n.” He kissed you with such passion you thought you’d faint on the spot.

“I’m really glad I listened to that waitress.” You kissed him back with equal feelings of love. “Because if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t get to finally fill my loneliness with you.”

Bi observed you two from her place on the counter and purred in content as her owners settled in their own warmness, filling the bookshop with a sense of comfort.

[lihikainanea]

Today is a very, VERY special day.

Please, all of you, join me in wishing my grandmother--my beloved North Star--a very happy birthday.

She was my everything. Everything magic about me, is because of her. It is thanks to her.

I lost her two years ago this past March, and while it left a hole in my heart, she has worked very hard to let me know that she is not gone. I feel her in every rustle of the wind, in every night sky lit up by Orion. I hear her in any way--in every way--she speaks to me. It took a long time for me to see past the grief--I’m still not sure I have, to be quite honest. Sometimes just the thought of her is enough to knock the wind out of me.

And she’d be furious at me for that. She’d be madder than hell because she taught me better than to think that just because you can’t see someone the way that you’re used to doesn’t mean that they’re not there. You know what she’d call that train of thought? Boring. How mundane. You know better, kid.

My grandmother was just...mischief. Mischief and delight in everything she did. She dressed up every single year for Halloween, even when my sister and I were grown. She always decorated for the Holidays--including a new fancy brooch she’d pin on her coat every year. She could sew anything. She could fix anything else. She had a temper, full of ire and feistiness and everything mean but still humble and kind in this world. She’d kick your ass--all 4′9 of her--if she thought you needed it. She’d hug you and never let go if she thought you needed that, too. Everything about her was just mirth and magic and she believed in the impossible and miracles every single day.

Even though I loathe having my picture taken, there is one in particular that I love. It was late, sometime in the summer, and I was in a pub with a friend, holding a beer mug. I cheekily held it up under my nose and smirked, staring right at the camera, when she snapped the photo. It’s my favourite photo of me--and it’s because I look like you, troublemaker. I inherited your eyes--the only other light-eyed gal of the family. I'm pretty sure I inherited your fight and your fire. I know I inherited your magic, and the magic of all those women before you who gave way so that I can stand here, in this very moment, missing you.

But I hope, too--I hope I inherited a lot more.

And I saw it, in that photo. My eyes had all of the same mirth and mischief that were ever twinkling in yours. And I’m reminded once again, on this day, that when we hold onto something that no longer wishes to be posessed--we still don’t get to keep it.

But it doesn’t mean it ever leaves us, either.

Happy birthday, Grandma.

[sxveme-2]

blueberry pancakes // bucky barnes

MASTERLIST

Description: A single mother. Juggling being a mom, a full time pediatrician, and a difficult ex who believed now would be the best time to finally be a father. A soldier ripped out of time. Ex-assassin turned superhero. Learning how to balance a new domestic life with handling demons of his past, while facing the trials of the future. a love story began over something as simple as chocolate chip pancakes with hidden blueberries.

Disclaimer: I do not own any original Marvel characters! All canon plots and canon characters belong to Marvel Comics and Marvel Studios. This is an original work. You may not publish it anywhere else

Status: Edited

Note: Takes place after endgame. I have elected to ignore Tony's death and Steve's leaving. Did not happen. Quick Reminder! My works are only published here, AO3 and on Wattpad, thank you.

Chapter Eighteen: The One With the His Job

Warnings: N/A

Word Count: 3054

He told her there was a danger with him. That there was always going to be a threat. He warned her what could possibly come if they went further. But neither cared. Neither wanted to stop. There were such strong feelings between the two that if they stopped, Lily would be left with something missing in her life. She didn't want to let him go, despite being hesitant to let him in. He created this new feeling of safety for Lily, yet here they sat. She knew what her parents were doing. It was recorded in studies that the Winter Soldier was unlocked through a series of Russian words, triggers that would set off the chemicals in his brain.

And for the first time, Lily felt scared around Bucky Barnes. But it didn't last long.

With his eyes squeezed tight, Bucky made his way towards Lily and Hunter. Fluttering those steel-blue eyes, Bucky looked at Lily, and she knew he was still there. He turned his back to the two, blocking the view of Lily's family. And he spoke, cool, calm, and collected.

"For two of the smartest scientists, you don't do a lot of research," Bucky began, "I don't work like that anymore. Now in about two minutes Captain America and the Falcon are going to walk through those doors. Do us all a favour, and just sit. And wait."

The clicking of a gun made Lily's heart stutter. It came from one of the three Osbornes. She whispered a quiet prayer, despite her lack of religious beliefs, and tugged the young boy closer to her. Her breathing was rapid and tears brimmed at the mossy iris of her eyes, creating a glass-like effect. It made her look like a real doll, just as Bucky called her. A small shuttering breath escaped her lips as she pressed a kiss to the soft tufts of blonde on Hunter’s head. If anything, she just wanted to shield Hunter from all of this. With what he had been through at such a young age already, Lily felt her heartbreak at the idea of him having to witness the events that would follow.

"Lily go to the car," Bucky whispered, glancing over his shoulder, "Please."

She didn't hesitate. Most people she was sure would try and stay and help, but Lily would be damned if she had Hunter stay in this cafe for a second longer. Without skipping a beat, the blonde tugged her son away from the booth and darted with him towards the car they had brought here that morning, rushing him into the back. The moment the doors closed, both Lily and Hunter let out a breath of relief. Leaning her head forward, Lily placed it on the top of her steering wheel, blinking away the tears that threatened to fall as everything began to settle in.

The sound of her phone ringing made every hair on her body stand on edge.

Glancing up, Lily sniffled while answering through her car. It was Rose. And dear God was the elder sister glad to hear from her. But nervous at the same time. She wasn't sure if Rose knew about what was happening, she could only assume so, seeing as the younger sister had been in the cafe not too long ago with Lily's best friend.

"Lily! Thank god you answered are you okay?" Rose's panicked voice quivered as it rang through her speakers, "Do you have Hunter? Please tell me you have Hunter?"

"Yeah, yeah Rose I've got Hunter. We're okay. We're in the car." Lily responded, her own voice barely above a whisper, "Are you and Gen okay?"

"Yeah...yeah, we're at Gen's apartment. I tried to take Hunter, I tried. But they...they ju- "

"Rose stop. It's okay...listen I'm with Hunter right now I'll call you back. Make sure Gen's okay, and just stay there." Lily finished, "I love you." and with that, the blonde ended the call, turning her attention to the clear shell-shocked boy that was sitting in the back seat.

"Mom is Bucky gonna hurt grandma, grandpa, and uncle Cedar?" his voice whispered, shaking and cracking halfway through.

Lily felt a ton of bricks smash against her chest. She herself didn't even know the answer to that. She trusted Bucky, yes. But this was also his job. To take down the people who do these sorts of things. Bring them to justice, by whatever means needed. And a part of her knew that there was a possibility she could lose her parents and brother within the next few minutes, but the other half of her knew that Bucky wouldn't. She felt deep inside that if it came down to it, he would let them live and be brought to legal task instead of violence. But Lily didn't know...but she couldn't leave Hunter hanging. If she did that, then he'd know her own thoughts on the matter. And it wouldn't help either case.

"No." she stated, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear, "No I don't think Bucky will."

And she was right.

Not too long later, the doors to the cafe swung open after the police screamed down the street. Lily watched with pain in her eyes as her parents, unscathed with a mere bruise or two were walked from the building, Bucky, Steve, and Sam following close behind. No one looked injured or hurt, and a sigh of relief escaped from Lily. Bucky glanced over at the car and excused himself from the trio, jogging towards the car. Lily watched as he opened the passenger side door, sliding in.

"Hey, Hunt buddy," Bucky whispered, shifting to turn.

"Hi, Bucky." Hunter returned, a sense of relaxation in his tone after seeing that no one had been injured, "Is everything okay now?"

Bucky's eyes met Lily's, and the two shared a moment of silence before he began to speak once again, "Yeah. Everything's okay now buddy."

-----

"How're you feeling, hun?" Lily whispered as she took a seat on Hunter's bed after tucking him in for the night, "Lots happened today. Is there anything you wanna talk about?"

"Why'd they do it?" the boy whispered, looking up at his mother, "Why did they do it, mom, I don't get it."

Lily let out a soft sigh, running a hand across the boy’s forehead, "I don't know bud. I don't. I wish I had an answer for you. Bucky's taking care of it. anything you need to know I'll tell you, okay? I promise." the blonde hummed, reaching her pointer finger out.

Hunter nodded and wrapped his smaller finger around hers. Pressing a kiss to the boy’s forehead, Lily stood from the bed. Flicking off the lights, she smiled gently at Hunter curling under his blankets before she shut the door to his bedroom. Digging the heels of her hands into her eyes, Lily walked down the stairs where Bucky, Sam and Rose were sitting in her living room. She smiled gently when they looked up at her before she took a seat next to Bucky on the couch.

"So this is a daily thing with you guys, hm?" Rose asked, sipping her water, "Like what do you guys do when people aren't trying to blow up the city or take over the world?"

The room fell silent except for the late-night news playing in the background. Bucky and Sam looked at each other with frazzled expressions as though they didn't even know what they did when there wasn't an imminent threat to the city or the world. Lily couldn't help but laugh at that fact. Out of the four of them, she lived the most basic and mundane life. Rose was a world-famous stylist and designer, Bucky and Sam were superheroes. Lily was just a children's doctor living in suburban Manhattan with a family and a dog. The other three had travelled all over the world, and Lily hadn't. So learning what these fantastic people did in their free time did seriously intrigue the girl.

"Yeah I mean there aren't always people trying to take over the world," Lily continued, sipping her glass of wine, "Do you like...go bowling?"

Bucky let out a laugh, his head rolling backwards, "Bowling? I guess so, I mean there is an alley in the compound. But we mostly just hang out at our own places really. Wait for the next mission. I help at the retirement home, Sam hosts a veteran support group. Steve never stops working." the man hummed, his arm draping across Lily's shoulders.

"Speaking of bowling," Lily sighed, readjusting herself, "Hunter's birthday is next week and I still have no idea what to do. He's getting older and it's harder to come up with ideas."

"How do we go from talking about Bucky and Sam being literal superheroes to Hunter's birthday," Rose chuckled, "But I'm not sure Lil. Maybe take them bowling I guess."

"Or bring him and a few of the kid’s friends by the compound," Sam suggested, "If the kid’s friends are anything like Hunter, I'm sure they'd love it. Run a watered-down version of a training thing to be an Avenger."

"I'd love that Sam thank you. I just want to give him something to take his mind off of everything going on." Lily shrugged, leaning further into Bucky.

-----

November seventh. The faithful day that Lily welcome her baby boy into the world around her. Into her arms, into the life of New York. Despite her not wanting kids for quite some time, she wouldn't take back having Hunter. She just wished he was the son of someone better. For his father was the person Lily wouldn't even wish upon her worst enemy. Every year since Hunter was born, Lily wanted to make his birthday special. She'd pull out all of the stops if it meant seeing her boy smile brighter than she ever had before. And in the times they were experiencing now, she knew he needed it, as did she, more than ever.

"So how do you know the avengers?" One of the kid’s parents, Jill, asked as everyone unloaded from the cars when they arrived at the compound, "Because Hunter's story seems a bit far-fetched, hun."

Lily sighed and rested her hand on her son’s shoulder and looked over at the woman, "What did he tell you, Jill?"

"That his mommy's seeing the Winter Soldier." the woman hummed, placing her own hand on her son’s shoulder, "Sounds like a fantasy."

"Fantasies can come true." A deep voice hummed. Lily couldn't help but grin at the feeling of a metal arm wrapping around her waist. Bucky. The small group of parents went silent as the man pressed a kiss to Lily's temple, "And only seeing? Here I was hoping we could refer to it as something a little bit more, doll." he teased, earning an elbow from Lily.

Lily felt her face heat up and her breathing catch in her throat. As much as she wanted to rub all of this in Jill's face, she still had that massive bundle of nerves inside of her that held her back. All of the parents here weren't exactly Lily's friends. She knew them from the PTA at Hunter's school and a few from her neighbourhood, and they were all very much those cliche suburban moms that would be seen in movies. Stuck up, believed themselves to be perfect with the perfect children. And Lily quite liked their children, but the mothers? Ugh, Lily couldn't stand them. However, they were insistent on joining the kids for the tour.

"Nice to see you finally have a man in your life," One of the other moms, Gina, hummed as the group began to walk towards the compound, "And a strong father figure for Hunter."

Lily glanced to the side, scoffing at her remarks, "I'm both Hunter's mother and father. And I don't need a man, Gina, I've raised Hunter alone his whole life essentially." she muttered, resting a hand on Bucky's arm to relax the tension.

Ever since the night Cedar attempted to break into Scott's apartment, something inside of Lily grew. A new side of her, she supposed. Growth, almost. A part of her knew that if she were able to stand up to Scott, the man who had destroyed any ounce of confidence she had throughout their relationship, who were Gina and Jill to hold her back. Of course, there was only a certain extent she would go to, for she was still nervous to even speak to people most of the time.

"Welcome to the Avengers compound!" Tony boomed as the doors opened for everyone to walk in, "If you'd like to join the little kiddos on the tour Just keep to the left here with Mr. Sam Wilson, aka the Falcon. and if parents would like a few drinks, follow me, towards the lounge."

A few of the parents joined the group of kids as they wandered down the hall. Hunter waved goodbye to Lily as she and the other parents made their way towards where Tony Stark was leading them. The small group of mothers and fathers whispered as Bucky tightened his grip on Lily's waist. The last thing Lily actually wanted to do was spend time with these parents, however, she was willing to sacrifice her sanity for a few hours if it meant giving Hunter the best day ever.

"Alright, Cyborg go help Nat bring out the refreshments while I get these people situated, hm?" Tony teased, patting Bucky's flesh arm, "Lily come, help me entertain your friends."

When Bucky's arm left Lily's waist, Tony took over by looping his arm with hers. Lily raised her eyebrow at the man as he took her over towards the rest of the group, sitting next to her on one of the couches. Lily gave the billionaire a quizzical look but he just nodded, as if telling her to simply go along with it. Lily and Tony had only spoken a handful of times, but he seemed fairly persistent about letting Bucky go get the things from the kitchen.

"So Lily," one of the fathers, Thomas, started, "it's really nice to see you get back out into the field. Not even just romantically, socially too. Maybe you'll actually come to the PTA group date nights, with someone other than Genevive." he chuckled, leaning backwards on his seat.

"She wouldn't attend anyway, Tommy. Lily isn't one for fun." Jill chuckled, crossing her legs, "What is it you do, Lily? Stay at home with your dog and kid. Come on, no one wants to see their kid that often. The only time I see you out is with Joey!" the woman continued, shaking her head.

Despite it being somewhat truthful, the woman's words stung a bit. Lily knew she didn't go out often and never really tried to connect with everyone around her. The only time she really did was when she was essentially forced, and she figured that's why Jill figured to go for a sensitive part in Lily's life. But then again, Jill was also a two-faced gossip who could never stay out of other people's business. Lily seemed to be her favourite topic of discussion, and her favourite to pick on. The blonde felt as though she were back in high school, or hell, even middle school. Jill was always going after Lily's insecurities, as though she could see right through her. It terrified the young mother, but Lily knew how much Hunter loved Jill's son. So she went through with it and sucked it up so her son could enjoy himself.

"Interesting comment...uh what was your name?" Tony commented, leaning forward slightly.

"Jill. Jill Reinhart." the redhead hummed, tilting her head to the side.

"Right. Jen, so like I was saying. Interesting comment. Lily here is actually quite in tune with fun. She attended a party I threw not too long ago and was an absolute hoot." Tony chuckled, squeezing the blonde’s shoulder, "And just because she actually enjoys spending time with her kid, who is a saint, doesn't mean she's any less fun. So."

The room fell silent. Lily looked over at the man with wide eyes as she took in what he had said. Jill always managed to find that soft spot, but Tony was quick to the jump. She figured this was why he had sent Bucky off, so he could deal with the clear teenage drama that was taking place inside of a group of adults. It probably didn't help Lily was the youngest of the entire group and was clearly the most vulnerable.

"W-well I was just- "

"No, jenny I really don't wanna hear it. Ah! here come Nat and Bucky with refreshments." Tony hummed, wiggling his eyebrows at the blonde before taking a seat next to nat as she sat down.

"you alright doll?" Bucky hummed as he walked over, reaching his hand out, "Mind joining me in the kitchen for a quick second?" he continued.

Lily nodded and took the man’s hand, standing from the couch. She glanced over her shoulder to see Jill sitting there with an absolutely shocked face. Lily smiled gently to herself as Bucky tugged her out of the lounge and into the hallway. A giggle escaped both of their lips as he spun her into his arms, leaning her up against one of the walls just outside of the kitchen. shaking her head, Lily wrapped her other hand into the man’s hair, enjoying the soft feeling of the dark tresses. He hummed softly, before bending down and pecking her lips.

"I was about ready to absolutely rip a new one off of that woman." Bucky chuckled as he pulled away, resting his forehead against the shorter girls.

"Mmm, that's Jill. Just a PTA woman. A real handful." Lily cooed, letting out a deep breath, "Now what can I help you with?"

"Well..." Bucky hummed, leaning back gently, "I was just wondering...seeing as we may as well be. And I absolutely adore spending time with you and Hunter is the sweetest boy...Do we want to I don't know...make it official? Basically, what I'm asking, Lily Osborne, will you be my girlfriend?" he finished.

A new sense of fear settled deep within Lily's stomach.

[crazycrackersworld]

Today at 1:30 p.m. my Aunt Theresa passed away. She had been in the hospital with pneumonia and covid for about 2 weeks they never could get her oxygen where it was supposed to be , and couldn't get her to keep food down they couldn't fix her.

Just a couple weeks ago we were all together in her house throwing her a birthday party for her 70th birthday my Uncle Mike came down from Colorado and had surprised her the place was full of family and friends and laughter joy and happiness and none of us knew what was right around the corner. None of us had any idea what events were going to be getting to unfold within a week or so and I don't think we would have believed it if someone told us.

She got sick thought it was pneumonia she was dealing with it and I'm one night my Uncle Jerrry couldn't get her up out of the bathtub she didn't have the strength to do it on her own and he couldn't help her so he called the ambulance and they took her to the hospital and that's where she stayed.

And in that amount of time Uncle Jerry spent two stays in the hospital of about a day or two each before getting sent home on cousin Tim went to stay with his dad to help him out but clearly he was sick right away he's been in the hospital since this past Monday hopefully he gets better.

My mom did not pick a real winner to be my biological father since I've never met him since he pretty much ran and disappeared as soon as he found out she was pregnant. So for the first few years of my life my mom's family stepped up and between my five uncles and my grandfather it was like I had six dads and between my mom and my grandma and my two aunts it's like I had four moms. Everybody helped, I learned different things from everybody and I consider myself very lucky to have had all those people in my life.

A lot of times people in the family made jokes all my Aunt Theresa not being The brightest bulb on the tree or the sharpest knife in the drawer it was always done out of love. In reality was she the smartest person no, she wasn't the dumbest either she did have a tendency to forget things or get things wrong and we just chalk that up to being Theresa.

But despite any of that or any shortcomings she was one of the kindest most caring most generous people I've ever met in my entire life. She truly had a beautiful soul and had a way of lighting up a room when she walked into it almost always in a good mood even when she wasn't in a good mood. I remember her smile and her laugh I remember how even as an adult when she would come back to Wisconsin to visit after moving here to Arizona and she would see me it was like just taking a look at me just brightened her day.

I had made the decision to not move back to Wisconsin permanently and and to stay here for the foreseeable future couple weeks before her birthday party and I only told a few people cuz I wanted to keep it a secret because I wanted to tell everybody else at her birthday party I wanted to tell her at her birthday party it was kind of my present. And I remember the look on her face when I told her she didn't look like a 70 year old lady she looked like like a little girl who had just gotten the doll she wanted for Christmas or the piece of candy she had begged for all day and she gave me the biggest hug and she was so happy that I was staying. And now I'm here and she's gone and it does not seem fair or right I am hurting more than I have in a very long time.

My cousin Jeanette lives in Maryland and Tim even though he's here obviously as I mentioned he's in the hospital. And so my Uncle Jerry who isn't in the greatest health in the first place is all alone in that house because he just lost the love of his life and I honestly don't know how long he'll last without her. I always thought my Uncle Jerry and Aunt Theresa would be one of those couples that once one pass the other one would just kind of give up and die of a broken heart soon after. Because they loved each other that much. I'm sure their marriage wasn't perfect, they had their problems and their issues with both of the kids but they stayed together through all of it neither one of them ever gave up on the other one neither one of them ever quit. They had the kind of marriage that I always hoped one day I would have.

Obviously my love life has not turned out that way, but seeing them together still always gave me hope and I guess it still does.

I can't list all of the things that I am going to miss about her so I guess the only proper way to say it as I'm going to miss everything about her, just everything. I'm going to miss everything about her.

There was a time in my life where I had moved out of Mayville didn't tell anybody where it went and I distanced myself for my mom and my dad and as I was slowly beginning to patch that relationship there were a few times that I did reach out to my Aunt Theresa for help for a ride somewhere you know maybe even a few bucks for some groceries and she never judged me she never lectured me she gave me the ride or she borrowed me the money she was always there for me.

I'm not saying other members of the family weren't I'm just saying the entries that was a little different she almost felt like a second mom sometimes let's face it I probably needed more than one mom i'm kind of a bastard.

So today at 1:30 p.m. I I lost one of the most beautiful people that I have ever known and I am here in what is still a foreign land and I feel so alone and I'm trying to be strong for my mom and she just lost her sister and I'm trying to be strong for my Uncle Jerry because he just lost his wife and he's worried about his son and I am trying to be strong for him because he just lost his mom and he's in the hospital sick with what most likely killed her.

So I try to be as strong and resilient in front of everybody else as possible when inside I am just falling apart cuz it's something I can't make better I can't fix this and I want to I want to fix it so bad.

So I will probably cry myself to sleep after drinking half of my jar of moonshine and I'll wake up tomorrow and I will try to hold him to tears so I can be there for my mom and everybody else because right now they need them more from me and I'll just have to keep my grief inside as much as I can and realize that other than family nobody really cares if I'm broken or not.

But for everything that she ever did for me, heck for me Lisa and Katana at the beginning, the least I can do is be strong for her sisters and her brothers and her children and her husband. The least I can do to honor her memory is to be there for everyone else like she was always there for me.

I don't know about everybody else in the world but she seemed to always see the Best in Me even when I was screwing things up left and right she always Saw the Best in Me. Two summers ago and her and my Uncle Jerry were up in Wisconsin they they picked me up from jail to take me to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription and then to basically break the law and take me to Sue's apartment so that I can give Sue some contact information and some other stuff cuz we really haven't been able to talk cuz I didn't have any money on my books. And even when I walked out of the jail and she's standing there I mean there was no judgment there was nothing she was just happy to see me and happy I was safe. I mean one of the most lowest points in my life where I'd screwed up just about as much as you can she just hugged me and told me she loved me.

And that was my entries I know her kids might have some criticisms and they might not think she was always the best mom and maybe Jerry might think she wasn't always the best wife and maybe my mom and my Aunt Margaret and my uncle's might not think she was always the best sister but I can tell you she was just about the best a screwed up kid like me could ever have and I thank God that she was in my life and I wish she was still here.

For me myself I can definitely say that my life has been better having had her in it and it's going to be a little emptier now that she's gone and I hurt so much I do I hurt so damn much I miss her already.

Oh God I hope I get some sleep tonight, some good sleep unbroken nightmare free but I don't see that happening.

Because of all the covid stuff I mean Uncle Jerry was able to get my Aunt Margaret and my mom in to say goodbye to her but that took a lot of arguing apparently. I was at work and nobody wanted to tell me what was going on because I wanted to make sure that I was safe and it was paying attention to where I was driving and I understand all of that I do but I didn't get a chance to say goodbye.

So I guess that's what I'm going to do right now I'm going to say goodbye. Auntie Theresa this is your nephew Sean, I am so sad to see you go and I am going to miss you so much. But I know you were really sick and I know you were really scared and I know you were in a lot of pain it is cliche as it is I am glad that you're not in pain anymore I really am. But the selfish part of me wishes you were still here because I don't want to say goodbye I don't want to lose you I don't want you to be gone forever because forever it's too long.

I'll do my best to keep an eye on Tim and Jerry and even Jeanette I'll do that for you because I love you so much I just love you so much. And it hurts so bad that you're gone. And I just hope that I can keep making the positive changes in my life that I know you were so proud of I'm so proud to watch me fix myself and I just want to know that you're looking down and you're still proud of me. That'll mean a lot.

So until we meet again someday goodbye my sweet sweet aunt I hope it's peaceful where you are, and that Grandma and Grandpa were waiting for you and that you weren't scared.

And in addition to goodbye, I love you Aunt Theresa I'm going to miss you....

Love Sean

May you rest in peace

[purplesurveys]

1228

Can you honestly say you love the last person you kissed? I did at one point, but this was suuuuuuch a very long time ago. They’re no longer in my life in any capacity.

How was your weekend? Pretty fun and surprisingly eventful considering...well, the whole COVID mess lol. Saturday afternoon Angela, Hans, and I made quite the reckless decision to walk-in for the BTS pop-up store and I ended up spending way more than the budget I allotted for it lols BUT AT LEAST I’M HAPPY!!! Then on Sunday, my family and I visited my dad’s side down in the south to celebrate my grandma’s birthday. I had lumpia and tofu and shrimp, my parents sang some karaoke, I played with the dogs, and we played Heads Up.

What are you doing this summer? Just working and earning back the money I spent on merch the past couple of months.

How do you feel right this moment? My eyes are a little tired since I just got out of work, but I’m feeling comfortable since the weather has been cooperative for most of the day. Also grateful since my company sent over coffee and a ramen set today, which have both been deeeeelish. AND no OT tonight, thank god.

Do you currently miss someone? I miss being with Angela and Reena, but I’m seeing them next Tuesday so I can’t wait for that.

What does your last text mesage say? “Thank you!”

What does the last person you kissed name start with? G.

How many people have you kissed in the last 5 months? Zero.

When did you last have sex? I don’t even remember. September of last year I think? before everything had gone to shit.

When did you lose your virginity? Sometime in 2016, when I had just turned 18.

State the lyrics stuck in your head at the moment. “You showed me I have reasons I should love myself” since it was the last song I listened to before I paused it to take this survey.

What did you last eat? The aforementioned ramen my company sent this afternoon.

Does anyone call you baby? No.

Who was your last missed call from? A delivery rider who was most likely gonna ask for directions to my impossible-to-find house, hahahaha. I ended up texting them instead.

What do you currently hear? The fan. < Yeah, same. A motorcycle also just passed by.

Does anyone have your heart at the moment? LOL just some K-Pop idol who is never going to know who I am.

Who was your first love? Gabie.

What would you do if your doctor told you, you were pregnant? Immediately distrust them.

Do you still watch MTV? Nah, I never watched it regularly to begin with.

Does the person you like know you like them? I’m not into anyone.

If you’re dating someone how long have you been together? I am not and have no plans to jump back into that world again anytime soon.

What’s the longest relationship you have ever been in? The grand total would be 6 years.

Do you still use IM? Continued from last night. Don’t apps like Messenger count as IM? I use that, Viber, and Whatsapp everyday.

Do you know anyone who has gotten an abortion? Yes.

Do you smoke? Only socially. I haven’t smoked a cigarette since early 2020.

Have you ever kissed in the rain? It’s very possible.

Have you ever spent the night with the last person you kissed? Yeah, we had lots of sleepovers.

When was the last time you did? I would guess the start of last year, pre-pandemic.

Who is your bestfriend? Angela.

When was the last time you seen your mom? This morning before she left for work.

Do you and her get along good? We don’t have the best relationship but we also don’t have the worst. I never really know how to describe our dynamic.

Where do you live? Philippineeeeeeeees.

Are you an only child? Nope.

Where was the last place you went to eat? Angela, Hans, and I stopped by the fancier food hall at Mega and got food from this local Mexican stall. It’s a small business and I no longer remember the name but they had really good nachos and quesadillas.

Have you ever stole anything? Just ballpens when I was in school.