#it's much harder when you have to make that decision

[octoberautumnbox]

Lips

Jo Yuri, IVE Ahn Yujin, IVE Jang Wonyoung, & Male Reader

a/n: idk blame frisky :nolookk:

~~~

You struggle against the makeshift shackles, your wrists taking on a light shade of red from the friction between the cloth restraints and the wooden armrests you're bound to. The top of the blindfold sips up your sweat, although it also distributes the salt over your eyelids as well. 

The hand on your cock momentarily leaves you, soon replaced by a pair of lips on either side of your shaft. Two tongues work eagerly to lick each other with your dick in between, all the while hushed, breathy moans emanate from their respective owners. The left pair of lips peppers tiny kisses up and down your length, while the right goes lower to the base of your cock and sucks your balls. 

You steady your breathing. It’s unknowable how much time has passed, though you wish it’s been the agreed-upon ten minutes and the girls are just toying with you. You try remembering how you got into this situation, but the tongue dragging itself up the underside of your cock clouds your mind and renders you useless, save for your base instincts wanting what either of them are giving you.

A set of long, slender fingers wraps around your shaft again, diligently pumping slow and hard, while the left repositions to pay special attention to your tip. Her tongue pokes out and swirls around the head, slathering her spit all over the tip and dripping down the rest of your length, only to make the handjob below slicker. 

“Oppa,” Yuri says, gently caressing your blindfold, “are you doing okay?”

“Mmh,” you say back, your loose makeshift gag failing at being a gag, but working wonders to help delay your orgasm. The flimsy cloth between your teeth steadily disintegrates each time you bite down, all the while you feel your knuckles turn white as you grip the wood harder in your palms. 

“You're doing great, Oppa, five more minutes.” Yuri's voice is like mad honey in your ears, dripping with a wild sweetness and venom that intoxicates but never kills. Two pairs of hands on your legs as the girls go back to worshipping your cock, coating your length in generous amounts of spit mixing together as they make out with you in between. 

Your breaths come shallow and urgent and desperate, just like the hand pumping your cock. You wouldn't dare guess now–not when you're so close to winning anyway. 

“Hands off, girls. Give him a second to breathe,” Yuri's voice calls from right next to your head. In less than a second, the pleasure stops, leaving only ghosts: lazily drying saliva on a now freezing, throbbing cock. You hear quiet smacks of lips against each other, or against the other's, no doubt licking up any stray drops of your precum to share between themselves. 

“If you wanted to make a guess, now would be the time,” Yuri finally muses after what felt like ages of drought. She says it in a way that coaxes out your bravery, though you know it's nothing but a trap. You have no way of knowing, no way of winning: wrong or right doesn't exist when Jo Yuri holds both in the palm of her hand. 

“... Left?” Her question strikes a chord in your chest anyway, tossing a wrench in your initial plans of just toughing it out. The hand returns with a renewed fervor, offering a devoted blowjob to speed up your decision. She rubs her tongue all along your length hastily, forcing an orgasm and their decisive victory. You could almost feel the threads of your gag tear apart between your teeth, but she stops just in time, leaving you less than breathless and more than willing to just surrender right then and there. A second more of the torture would've sent you barreling over the edge, but Yuri must have known not to push you that far. The girl by your lap to the left stops, most probably under Yuri's command, and the moment of reprieve is golden. 

“... Right?” Yuri's voice disappears as quickly as it arrives, and the girl on the other side of your lap takes your cock in up to her throat. She struggles with your length, caring more to take as much of you into her needy mouth as she can, rather than servicing you. Her blowjob is sloppy and careless, and the way her throat squeezes around your shaft is nothing short of heaven, though you know it's only an act to get you comfy enough to give up. Your orgasm nearly builds to its peak, but she stops again just in the nick of time, waved off again by Yuri's command. 

“Oppa, it's not fun if you don't guess… Hurry up,” she teases from behind you again. Her arms wrap around your chest while you feel her daintily pulling at your gag, taking it off. “We won't bite even if you get it wrong, I promise…”

What happens next is like a thunderclap right before an oncoming storm: a knock on the door followed by a muffled “Miss Jo, Miss Ahn, Miss Jang, please get ready to come to the main event area. We'll fetch you shortly.” And your suspicion is confirmed: Yuri kept you here for an hour. 

“Ehehe, oops. Sorry Oppa,” she giggles, tugging your gag away. You notice the shuffling of feet around you, no doubt the other two getting up off the floor while giggling as quietly as they can. She attempts to take your blindfold off too, but not before you jump at the chance to guess:

“Left… Wonyoung.” The world stops as you say it, and it's a good couple seconds before anyone can say anything else. The next line has no need to be said, but you take it anyway: “Right… Yujin.”

You know Yuri's sigh like the back of your hand; it's the one that she lets out while a quiet smile graces her lips. You hear it when you first kiss her neck at the start of a wild night, when you wrap your arm around her at the end before drifting to sleep, whenever she loses one of her little bets with you. 

She walks over to your front, and a small thud on the carpet means she's knelt down. Unmistakable are her full, plump lips on your shaft, her tiny hands on your thighs. She takes you into her mouth herself, accepting defeat like it was destined from the start. 

Your wrists are set free at the same time, and your blindfold is finally pulled off. What greets you first is not the dim light of the green room, not the sweet scents of Wonyoung to your left and Yujin to your right. What draws your attention is Yuri, on her knees, in her pretty white dress that shows off her cleavage like no other, taking your cock like she always does, and a little more: shameless, needy, and, this time, proud.

“Unnie, how’d he know?” Wonyoung asks with a naïve sort of innocence, like she didn't just take part in Yuri's little game. She places a hand on your chest from behind, feeling your heart beat out of your chest as the girl of your dreams sucks you off. 

“Lucky guess, probably,” Yujin answers, knowing Yuri would do anything to not be interrupted from sucking off her either smart or lucky, or both, boyfriend. Yujin drapes an arm around your chest, wrapping you in a hug, as the three of you watch their beloved unnie work her magic. 

All at once, the pressure peaks, your dam breaks, and Yuri knows it all: the two girls hold you back from pushing Yuri off, while she takes you into her throat as far as she can. Her throat squeezes and constricts in all the best ways, like the two of you know you were made for each other. She hollows out her cheeks, waiting impatiently, and her little game finally pays off. 

Your cum shoots out into her throat in generous spurts, and she takes it all; you relish in how her throat clenches around your cock, almost like she does it on purpose. Her tongue works to rub the underside of your cock wherever she can reach, all the while her head bobs up and down while she keeps sucking like it’s the one thing keeping her alive. You swear you’ll never find a girl like her ever again, and with how she shoots a look up to you, that signature mischievous look in her eye, you know the feeling is mutual. 

She takes each spurt like a champ, helping you through your release. Each load makes its way down her throat as the rhythmic gluck-gluck-gluck takes over your ears. She takes up every thought in your head, every emotion in your heart; you’re the one forcing your cock down her sinful throat yet she’s the one pulling your strings, as well as those of the two sultry vixens on either side of you. She winks a dangerous wink, and Yujin takes your lips with hers, with Wonyoung following with a trail of kisses along the vein in your neck. 

Once it’s all over and your orgasm dies down, Yuri returns you your peace: she pulls herself off without much issue, though she reaches for a nearby water to help everything down. Her smile never leaves her, and she watches for just a second how her dongsaengs shower you with her secondhand love.

“Alright, leave him alone. We gotta go,” she commands one last time, and Yujin practically tears herself off your face without so much as a hint of regret. Wonyoung is slower to detach, missing the way you twitched against her lips, all the while building excitement for what’s to come. 

“See you later, Oppa,” Wonyoung waves as she makes her way over to the door. She eyes Yujin still face to face with you, and Yujin comes back in for the last bit of tongue she can steal before joining Wonyoung at the door. “I hope you saved some for us, Oppa,” she taunts, and Yuri hands her her lipstick. The two leave together as if nothing happened in the green room, and if you really think about it, did anything happen in the green room?

Yuri finally comes over to you and sits on your lap, taking care not to stimulate you any further than she needs to. “You held out for ten minutes–” “An hour,” you interject, and she giggles as if it absolves her of not holding up her end of the deal. 

“For an hour, but you know I love you, right? And don���t tell me it wasn’t good.” Yuri wraps her arms around your neck and leans on your shoulder, taking comfort as if taking her time and taking your cum wasn’t enough. “And, let’s see… You guessed right. How did you know?”

“I… didn’t? How could I know? Besides, you would’ve cheated and told me I was wrong anyway.”

“Mm, sure, whatever you say,” she says as she plants a loving kiss on your cheek. 

“Wait… was I right?”

The same muffled voice from outside interrupts again, “Miss Jo, please come to the main area now, we can’t afford to wait any longer.” She shoots you a playful look, “I’ll tell you everything later, Oppa, I promise.” She hops off your lap and leaves for the stage as well, and you’re left with nothing but makeshift rags, an empty green room, and a promise for the foursome of a lifetime.

~~~

[azrielbrainrot]

Take Me Back To Eden

Pairing: Shadow King!Azriel x F!Reader

Kinktober 2024: Throne Sex

Description: You've dreamt of the day Azriel would come back home for so long that you find yourself at a loss now that it actually happened. Luckily, it all falls into place as soon as your eyes meet his.

Warnings: Smut, vaginal sex, throne sex, some fingering, some dirty talk, you know the usual

Word Count: 4,2k

Rating: 18+ MDNI

Notes: This was originally supposed to be a rhys story but there will be plenty more opportunities to write about throne sex with him. Also this ended up actually having some plot and extremely fluffy. Hope you enjoy!

Kinktober 2024 Masterlist

The halls of this castle are intimately familiar to you, having walked them a thousand times over when your closest friend lived here with his family and a thousand more working here as a maid, keeping an eye on the palace and its new residents while Azriel and his allies found a way to take back his power and his rightful seat on the throne.

You've worked tirelessly for this moment, dreamed of it more times than you could ever count, but now that the walls were painted in the traitors' blood and his intoxicating scent permeates the halls once again, you found yourself at a loss, slowly making your way to the throne room to meet him, one foot in front of the other, letting your body guide you as your mind wandered.

Azriel has been by your side for as long as you can remember, even before you truly knew what him being the heir to the Shadow Throne truly meant. Your father was exceptional at his job, landing him not only the position of Head Healer of the kingdom but also the King's private healer. This meant he spent a lot of his time at the palace, becoming an important figure in the court.

Azriel's father was cruel, manipulative and nothing short of terrifying. As much as you resented your father, you could understand why he was too scared to go against his wishes, always following every order without question, even when that included bringing you to the palace to be the heir's friend whether you liked to or not.

When your father first told you of the King's decision to let you and Azriel be friends since you were about the same age and he thought you'd be a good influence on him, you had been scared out of your wits, crying your eyes out and begging him not to take you with him, all in vain of course. You had never met Azriel before and so you expected him to be just as heartless as his father and older brothers, no one you ever wanted to spend any time with let alone befriend.

The stories circulating the kingdom weren't kind to him either - people talked of the bastard's son with poorly concealed disdain, about how he had lived locked in a tower, barely taken care of for most of his life until against all odds the shadow's chose him as successor instead of his full noble-blooded brother's; everyone seemed to think he wasn't worthy of the throne since he was the son of a maid and barely educated, completely neglected since birth, but alas the shadows had made their decision, and no one, not even the King, could go against their wishes.

Azriel was a shadow of the male he is now when you met him, too shy and traumatized to even look you in the eye or speak a word to you, sticking to the corners of the room, hiding himself as best as he could in the midst of his shadows. You were only nine when you met him, a year younger than him, and even then you couldn't imagine all the pain he had gone through, vowing to help him and stay by his side as you watched him cower away from the light, dressed in expensive clothing as if that would hide all the pain and suffering he had been subjected to.

Actually befriending him was harder than you initially thought. You spent countless days simply trying to get him to speak a word to you, almost wearing yourself out as you talked and talked, about anything and everything, trying to find something that would catch his attention and get him used to your presence. Gradually he started opening up more, answering your questions with a nod or shake of his head, and then a word or two, until bit by bit you started having full conversations, his voice rising in volume with time as well. His other lessons helped make him more confident in himself too as he found his place in the world.

Azriel told you about his mother and how much he missed her; about the treatment he endured in that cold tower and how sometimes he still wished he was there instead of next to his father; how his older brother's retaliated for not being chosen by burning his hands when he was only a child who didn't even know what it meant, how his hands still ached at the smell of fire and just the sight of the marred skin sent a stabbing pain through his heart, keeping them concealed with leather gloves most of the time. It was only years later when he let you see them and hold them in your own, the same night he told you he had been sneaking outside the palace, making other friends and traveling his kingdom as far as his wings allowed him, taking you with him for the first time.

The days you spent sneaking away with him and the new friends you made were some of the best of your life, the only ones where you had truly felt free, but sadly they wouldn't last. Shortly after Azriel came of age, his oldest brother killed his father and seized the throne, chasing Azriel and every sympathizer out of the palace and forcing him to go into hiding. You've barely seen him since then, only managing a few secret meetings over the years while he prepared to take back his crown.

Your father had been among the casualties and your family's sudden fall from grace landed you a job cleaning the palace where that hateful usurper now lived. Unwilling to resign yourself to serving the male who almost killed the only person you've ever loved, you started working as a spy, sending out encrypted letters about the movements within the palace and any important information you could get your hands on to hopefully help Azriel as much as you could.

Of course when he found out you were putting yourself in danger like that, he flew over to your house despite the search parties still raking through every corner of the kingdom. It had been the last time you spent more than a few hours with him and most of those had been spent fighting, but the memory brought a smile to your lips all the same. Even though you were screaming until your voices became hoarse, it was clear that it all stemmed from your love for each other and how worried both of you were at just the thought of the other being in danger. Azriel had also left your house with a chaste kiss to your lips, a line you had never crossed before, and a whispered promise of surviving and coming back for you, for his throne.

Taking the last turn to the throne room, you find yourself in the present, every other thought escaping your mind when you hear his voice muffled behind the door, heart swelling in your chest instantly. You only caught a glimpse of him when he first stormed the palace grounds earlier that night, unable to linger and watch as you needed to fulfill your role and help every innocent bystander escape through the back doors.

Judging by the blood and the few corpses still scattered throughout the halls, you missed a hard-won battle, but the lack of urgency in the sentry sent by Azriel to get you told you there weren't any severe injuries to worry about, among your friends at least. As excited as you had been for tonight, the thought that Azriel could get hurt kept you up for days.

The smell of smoke still lingered in the air and you found yourself twisting your hands together, wondering if the smell still brought him the same awful memories, wondering if you still knew him after all this time, if it would all be the same.

Raising a shaky hand to open the door, you find five pairs of eyes falling on you as soon as the room is revealed to you, hands reaching for their swords before noticing it was you and not any lingering soldiers, still on high alert from the fight. Their reaction makes you pause, startled momentarily before taking another step into the room when their serious faces turn into smiles.

It had been a long time since you've seen the neighboring kingdom's prince, - King, you correct yourself, - his general and his cousin. You've met them when you used to sneak out with Azriel, spent countless nights together causing harmless trouble as youths do. They had been with Azriel when you couldn't, helping him get to this point from the front lines while you stayed behind in the palace. Amren also stood by their side, the centuries old mage looked as unnerving and unruffled as ever, perhaps the best kind of ally Azriel could ask for.

Speaking of, your eyes quickly dart around the room, finding those beautiful hazel eyes at last, heart stalling in your chest when you find them already expecting yours. Azriel was sitting on the throne, on his throne, clad in black leathers as his shadows lazed around his body. His shoulders had gotten broader and his powerful wings were sitting up high behind him, unbelievably large, the blood of his enemies still staining his armor - the perfect image of a King.

A smile falls over his stupidly handsome face when his eyes meet yours, standing up to greet you immediately. This sets you in motion, your steps speeding up as your body carries you to him, barely acknowledging the rest of your friends as they excused themselves with knowing smiles, closing the door behind themselves just as you walked up the last steps to the throne, throwing your arms around Azriel's neck, a gleeful chuckle escaping him, catching you in his arms effortlessly, wings wrapping themselves around you as well.

It was almost overwhelming being able to hold him in your arms after so long, feeling his warmth against your body, his scent assaulting your senses as you breathe him in, vowing to never let him leave you behind ever again. You're unsure how much time passes before he pulls away, gently prying your face from his neck so he can study your teary-eyed expression intently, one arm still wrapped around your waist as he takes you in.

Gods, you almost forgot how downright mesmerizing he was. From this close you could count his eyelashes and every green speck in his hazel eyes, if you moved just a breath closer, your nose would bump against his, another one and his lips would fall on yours. His hand craddled your cheek, his bare hand you noted, the rough, familiar texture sending a shiver down your spine as his fingers caressed your skin softly.

“We did it,” you breathe out, watching the smile on his face grow even wider, a breathtaking sight. He leans down, kissing your other cheek and murmuring the same words back at you against your skin, relief clinging to every word.

His body was still somewhat tense against yours, wings tightening behind him every so often as his breath came out in puffs, his lips peppering small kisses from your cheek up to your forehead and then down to your jaw, trying to reach every bit of skin while you tried to check him for injuries or any other sign of discomfort, remembering he had just come back from battle.

“Are you hurt anywhere?”

Azriel simply shakes his head against you in lieu of an answer, tucking himself deeper into the crook of your neck, breathing your scent in again, his hold on your body tightening as well.

“Is it too much to bear?”

When his brother took over he didn't only steal his father's shadows but also Azriel's. It had been strange to see him without those wisps of darkness clinging to his form, unnerving even, and you know that becoming accustomed to not having them by his side was the hardest trial for him to overcome. But now that his brother was dead and he finally sat on his throne, his shadows had returned to him at last, and the ones who were once his father's followed them.

“Could be worse,” he says, a shudder betraying his attempt at a leveled tone. “They like the scent of blood.”

A tremble runs through your treacherous body, the low timber of his voice as he spoke against your skin, lips brushing you with every word making it hard to keep your mind working properly. He hums at your body's reaction, tongue peaking out to lick over your pulse point, feeling your heart racing faster and faster under him.

“Azriel-”

“They like yours even more. Always did.”

The confession hangs in the air as he continues to lap up at your skin, his teeth coming out to play and mark you ever so softly, teasing your supple skin. It looked like he was barely restraining himself, trying his best to hold onto sanity while you trembled in his arms.

You knew having this many shadows suddenly singing to him had to be extremely overwhelming after so long stuck in silence, the power that came with them and now also rumbled under his skin even more so. He needed an outlet, and you both knew the blood he already spilled wasn't nearly enough.

“Let me help you.”

The groan that escaped him echoed around the room, pulling away from your neck with a harsh bite and finding your lips before you could even react, finally unleashing himself at your proposal. His shadows followed his lead as always, falling over your body as he did, twisting and turning as they roamed over you. A frenzy overtook you as well, your hands tangling in his hair, pulling him impossibly closer to you, needing to feel him under your skin, so deep he wouldn't be able to escape ever again.

The lights deemed even further around you, until only the moonlight filtered through his shadows, making it hard to see when you managed to pull away and take a breath, your eyes blinking as you tried to watch him in the dark. He had no such problem of course, unashamedly studying your face as you recovered, biting your bottom lip and licking at the drool gathered in the corners of your mouth, moaning at the way your scent deeped with arousal and mingled with his own.

The lines had always been blurred at best between the two of you, fear the only thing keeping them intact in the first place, but now you didn't have to worry for his or your safety anymore, about what his or your parents would think or do if they found a weakness in the other, now you could finally give in to each other without worries.

It had always been a poorly concealed secret how much you wanted each other anyway, and now that nothing was stopping you and he was finally in your arms, you could barely keep this craving down. You could only imagine what it felt like for him with the addition of the new untamed power running through his veins and the pesky shadows whispering in his ear.

Azriel starts walking backwards until he reaches his throne, bringing you along with him for the entire way as he catches your lips between his once again, sending your mind stumbling along with your feet. When he sits down, your body naturally follows to straddle his thighs, and you pull away with a gasp, his hard cock pressing where you need him most.

The maid's uniform you still wore was thrown over your head in a flurry of movements, revealing your unmarked and unobstructed body to his hungry gaze. Unable to stop himself, Azriel leaned closer, sucking a nipple into his mouth as his hands moved all over your body, caressing and grabbing every bit of skin and flesh he could, leaving you tugging at his leathers so you too could rid him of the bothersome clothes blocking your view, as good as you always thought he looked in them.

It's only with a whine of his name and a particularly harsh tug at his black, messy curls that he pulls himself away from you and helps you take the top part of his leathers off. You had been right about his shoulders getting broader, his entire body looked more muscular too. Of course the heir to the throne had been training since he was a child and Azriel had always been a large male, but after having to literally fight to survive, he was left with cleaner muscles, and quite a few scars you had never seen before scattered over his torso, making a mental note to ask him about them later.

He barely gave you any time to fully take him in, moving to unbutton his pants without pause, settling for pushing them down only enough to uncover his throbbing cock, your attention quickly falling on it. Your hand wraps itself around him in curiosity, a delicious shudder running through him as you tighten your hold around his cock, stroking him up and down slowly, reveling in every harsh breath and the pool of desire growing in his eyes.

“I need more, angel.”

Nodding, you agree with him. “Me too.” You needed all of him, needed him to fill you up until he was the only thing you could smell, taste and feel.

He rips your underwear off unceremoniously, inserting two of his fingers inside you as slowly as his frenzied state of mind allows you to, your own body ignoring the slight pang of pain at the sudden intrusion as your hips start rolling into his hand feverishly. You were beyond soaked, the sounds his fingers elicited as he fucked them into you downright sinful as they echoed around the room along with soft moans and gasps of his name.

Azriel seemed transfixed on the way your cunt swallowed his fingers greedily, the hazel in his eyes barely visible around his blown out pupils. Gods, if you didn't stop him you think you would end up cumming entirely too fast which is why as much as it pained you to, you grabbed onto his wrist and stopped his movements, breathing out a rushed “Need you now,” when he looked up at you in question.

You used your grip on his cock to guide him to your entrance, lifting yourself up on your knees as his hands fell over your hips, helping you along, shivering when the head pressed against your cunt. Pressing down on him with a whimper, you let your weight drag you down his length slowly, throwing your head back with a loud moan at the stretch, walls fluttering wildly around him as they struggled to accommodate the delicious intrusion until he finally bottoms out, your body shaking uncontrollably on top of him.

Your lips find his yet again, getting lost in his taste as you start moving against him, his hands grabbing onto your hips hard enough to bruise as he grinds you down on him, breathy whines and moans swallowed in a passionate kiss, only pulling away when you start speeding up, moving up and down his length as his hips start meeting your thrusts, your hands holding onto the arms of the throne for better leverage, the way he was stretching you out and hitting every earth shattering angle threatening to make you lose yourself.

There was no doubt in your mind that anyone that walked by this hall could hear you, but you truly couldn't bring yourself to care about them, or that the walls were still covered in blood, or anything else for that matter. You had waited too long for this, to kiss him like this, to hold him like this, to feel him like this.

“You have no idea how many times I've dreamed of this,” he manages between pants, eyes darting around as he tries to take the maddening sight before him fully, only receiving a feverish moan in response from you, unforgivingly close to the edge as you were.

Hazel eyes darted around your body as he tried to take the maddening sight before him fully, taking note of the way you struggled to keep your eyes on him, mouth agape as the sweetest whines and gasps escaped unattended; the way your body moved with each roll of your hips, breasts bouncing as you did; and how perfectly you fit together, his cock disappearing inside you with every thrust.

His hands move down to your thighs, lifting your hips on his own now, your body simply following his lead, letting him take control as you moan out his name unabashedly. For a moment Azriel thinks his shadows, the crown and even the throne he was sitting on meant nothing if he didn't have you by his side, if he couldn't feel you like this again.

“Are you close, my love?”

One of your hands falls to hold onto his, needing to ground yourself, needing to feel him on every inch of your skin, needing to know this was real. Struggling to even breathe as he repeatedly hits every pleasure spot inside you, leaving you on the brink of madness.

“So close, Az.”

“Let go for me. Show me how sweet reality can be,” he murmurs breathlessly, obviously dangerously close himself. “Need you to give me everything, need to feel you falling apart on my cock.”

And fall apart you did, a gasp escaping your lips as an overwhelming amount of pleasure takes you under, drowning you completely under the waves as the world stands still, your body falling forward and shaking against him. Azriel keeps fucking into you, taking this new position as an opportunity to thrust into you even harder, chasing his own orgasm at the same time he prolongs yours.

You reach a hand out to caress the talon of his wing at the last minute, reminded of how sensitive they were, being immediately rewarded with a delicious whine of your name as he lets go, fucking his cum deep inside you with jerky motions until you were both spent, chests rising and falling against each other as you caught your breaths, meeting halfway in a kiss, his shadows covering your bodies once again.

Pulling away proves to be a monumental task, his lips chasing yours every time you try, having to push against his chest as you straighten your spine, trying to ignore his half hard cock still tucked inside you as he leans back against his throne, letting out a chuckle when he tries to pull you back to him and you send him a poor attempt at a glare, the smile plastered on your face and the fucked out look in your eyes making it less than believable.

“Do you feel better now?”

“I feel perfect,” he sighs dreamily, gazing up at you adoringly as his thumbs draw circles over your heated skin.

“So…” You trail off, not quite knowing what to say in this situation. After dreaming of not only having him back but also making him yours so many times, you couldn't find the right words now that it actually happened. “You're back.”

“I'm back, my love,” he confirms, cupping your cheek once again and rising up to leave a chaste kiss on your lips, the new pet name sending goosebumps traveling across your skin, your heart so full it felt like it would explode out of your ribcage.

“I had a speech ready, you know?”

“A speech?”

“I had every intention of talking to you before this happened, but words won't ever be enough to describe how much I love you.”

His words paired with the look in his eyes were making you beyond giddy, wrapping your arms around his neck as he kissed you once more, drunk on your taste, unable to ever get enough.

“Say it again.”

Azriel lets out a delighted chuckle, pulling away so he can watch your face, taking you in before indulging you as he stares deep into your eyes.

“I love you. I've loved you for as long as I can remember,” he starts, voice soft as he did, “If I hadn't met you I wouldn't have been able to survive my father's cruelty, and if I didn't know you were waiting for me here, I wouldn't have been able to find the strength to come back and take back the throne. I owe you my life.” Tears gather in both of your eyes as he leans his forehead on yours, continuing, “The years I spent away from you were the hardest I've had to endure, and now that I finally have you back by my side, I won't ever let go. I don't want to spend even another second away from you.”

“I love you too,” you breathe, your heart so full it felt like you couldn't contain all your love for him inside.

Azriel kisses you again, tears now streaming down your faces as you cling to each other. He was right, words could never be enough to describe this moment, let alone the love you shared, but you were willing to whisper them as many times as you could until there was no breath left in your lungs.

[mymegrokosmos]

coffee dates with seungkwan are your favourite. he's always late but it gives you the chance to take your time, lingering on the menu and finding a nice table where you can watch the people walking by. you like sitting on the patio. partly because it gives your boyfriend the freedom to be as loud as he wants while he vents about his day and fills you in on any new drama happening on set. partly because it's usually a good way to get him to sit closer or to end up bundled into his sweater or jacket.

you can’t complain. well, you could but why would you want to? the view is nice and he always pays. one thing about dating boo seungkwan is that you're absolutely spoiled. you get the princess treatment every day and you couldn’t feel luckier.

"y/n, love?"

you blink at the sound of your name, turning from where you were watching a cute little dachshund in a sweater to find your boyfriend hovering over you. he stands beside your chair, eyebrows slightly furrowed as you push away your thoughts, sweep away the mind cobwebs of whatever daydream you were stuck in for a minute, and smile up at him.

"hi kwannie, have you been there long?"

he shakes his head, sliding into his seat across the small table from you and trying to see what you're looking at. you laugh softly and nod towards the puppy.

"cute, right? look at his little boots."

seungkwan just shakes his head but he's smiling as he picks up the iced americano you ordered for him, using his card of course because he sulks every time you try to pay for coffee on your own delivery or order ahead apps.

"a little silly but I guess it's probably practical."

you nod, sipping your iced latte. "mm, I imagine a lot of things are much harder and more inconvenient when you're that small living in a world made for much bigger beings and you can't even speak to them about it. not in a way that we understand well at least."

your boyfriend just blinks at you. "I've left you alone with Dino and Vernon too often."

you rest your chin on one hand and blink back at him. "and what, exactly, is that supposed to mean?"

"you're spewing scenarios other people would never think of because you're bored. there are so many people you could be watching right now and instead you decided that, while waiting for the love of your life to arrive and grace you with the blessing that is his presence, you wanted to wonder what it would be like to live as a dachshund for day."

you considered this. "okay, fair point. however, I stand by my decision. it was fun."

seungkwan sips his coffee. you smile.

"how was your day handsome?"

and just like that, you fall into easy conversation. the words always flow with seungkwan. the rhythm is soothing, familiar, and when he gets up to drape his sweater over your shoulder after you shiver one too many times (one, that's already too many in his mind why are you even cold to begin with the weather should just immediately conform to your every whim frankly) it feels like home.

you smile, slipping your arms through the sleeves of the thick hoodie and snuggling into the leftover warmth of seungkwan's body. it smells like him, clean, sharp, citrus and a hint of something slightly woodsy. you blush when you glance up to meet his fond gaze, eyes soft as he watches you with a small smile.

"what?"

he shakes his head and takes another sip of his coffee. "nothing, you're just cute."

you scrunch your nose up at him and he laughs. you sip your drink and stretch your legs out, foot just brushing his ankle before you sit back again.

"ready to head home?"

he nods. "we're still on for dinner together, right? and a movie? I already told jeonghan hyung to clear out for the evening."

you nod, smiling as he offers you a hand up. "mm, you know we are. that sounds perfect. please tell me you're making those mimosas you tried out last week?"

his hand moves to rest on your lower back, guiding you back through the restaurant and out into the world again. you lean into him as you cross the street, head resting against his shoulder just slightly as you walk close enough to bump hips every few steps. neither of you moves to fix that. you just smile and let it happen.

"i'm making pizza, mingyu helped me prepare it all ready to pop in the oven when we get back. I just need to preheat it first and use that pizza stone he got us for Christmas."

"ooh what kind of pizza."

"I hope you like margherita."

you nod. "that sounds perfect kwan."

and it is. domestic seungkwan is one of your favourite sides of him. you like when he gets to relax like this. seeing him in comfy clothing, bare faced and with his hair all fluffy from running his hands through it. you sip your drink and watch as he shuffles around the kitchen, humming along to the playlist he put on and you move to light some candles.

it gets dark so early in autumn and while his apartment gets great light, his walls of windows can't compensate for a sun already fully sunken on the horizon. you find yourself smiling as he puts the pizza in the oven and sets the timer, reaching over to pull you into him and spinning you both around the kitchen.

you just watch as he sings to you, swaying with him as you dance to the rest of the song before stilling. his hands rest comfortably on your hips, like they belong there. they do, you think so at least. his expression is soft again, happy, and you can't help leaning up to kiss him.

"what was that for?"

you mirror his words from earlier. "you're just cute."

he sighs. "what am I going to do with you darling?"

you grin. "keep me, I hope."

and just like that you fall into the arms, and charms, of the one and only boo seungkwan. yet again. like you always do. because there's nothing that melts your heart quite like the smile on his face and the sparkle in those eyes. his happiness is truly the most beautiful thing you've ever witnessed, and you want nothing more than to keep being a part of it for as long as he'll let you share in this. in these moments.

in this laughter. in this lifetime of soft, safe, warm, genuine love. the kind no one ever warns you is addicting. the kind that doesn't judge. okay so maybe a little bit. but it's worth all the hard moments, every fight or argument, every little speed bump you have to overcome on the way. it's all worth it when you get to come home to this.

unconditional love, thy name is boo seungkwan and thou art everything.

[loverafey]

PIERCE MY HEART ! a rafe x f!reader series.

          ⤿ chapter one : a new girl, a sweet stranger and a horrible roommate — your goal of spending your first day without socialising much anythinh but successful.

          ꕀ warnings - reader focused and a bit short, reader has paranoia and anxiety, rafe's an asshole to both the reader and sarah. wc - 2.4k. masterlist.

Texting your mother always filled you with an odd sense of guilt. Dread. As if any wrong move will make her go mad with despair, you too. You were barely keeping yourself stable as of now, but taking care of your mother had always been your biggest priority, not taking care of yourself. You felt as if you owed her a lot, a burden you couldn’t exactly pinpoint.

People assume running away is a sign of cowardice, an excuse to flee away from the problem. No one ever took their time to think about the sheer strength it took alone to even come up with the decision to run away. Every second felt like a mistake, being hyper alert and looking around constantly. Anything to not catch a glimpse of that man.

For you, running away was harder than anything. Escaping felt like a sin.

You distinctly remember the first day of high school — the heightened nerves, excitement muddled with fear — you’d have assumed that it would be similar. Perhaps you were just more agitated due to the fact that it was an entirely new place, streets and places you weren’t familiar with, people you had never seen before.

A new life — that was your aim when you had applied to this college with your vision all bleary from tears, hands trembling, pain coursing through your body.

No. There was no point in thinking about all that. You had promised yourself and especially your mom after endless working shifts to afford a suitable flat, for your mother could live in, that this would be a new start for both of you. A chance to be happy. You’d never let anyone steal that from you.

Exhaling softly, you stepped into the campus, looking around and seeing people roaming around, mostly talking in groups of people. Fucking great. You felt out of place, clutching your bag tight as you tried your best to mask your confusion and not appear lost, cautiously walking inside.

Orientation, greetings, yada and yada — they passed by quickly and frankly, you wanted them too. Exhaustion from the last couple of days was still clinging to your bones, making you a tad bit cranky and unaware of your surroundings, too absorbed in the next task, not realising that someone was right in front of you until you accidentally bumped into them, hands quick to grab you before you could slip.

“Hey, are you okay?” She spoke, her long blonde hair falling down her shoulders, voice laced with genuine concern. That startled you for some reason, you hadn’t known what you were expecting.

“Yes, I’m sorry.” You replied sheepishly, averting your eyes mostly because you could feel her staring at you, trying to unmask you really. While there was obviously no malicious intent, you couldn’t help but worry.

“It’s totally fine. I’m Sarah!” A smile was quick to bloom on her lips, reminding you of the gentle noises of the water washing up against the shore one would hear on a pleasant day. Now that you think about it, you could comically smell the sea breeze too. You introduced yourself, returning the smile. Something about her was inviting, making it easy for anyone to talk to her. She was natural at this for sure.

“You’re new here, aren’t you?”

“Is it that obvious…?”

“Well, everyone’s new here but you look extra lost.” She chuckled lightheartedly. Great, you were totally being a little bit too obvious much to your dismay.

Both of you conversed for a while longer, Sarah insisting on exchanging contacts and you couldn't help but give in. Not only was it nice to have someone to talk to, your contact album was embarrassingly empty after you got rid of everyone’s numbers, which were like four people. Of course you didn't tell her that, you were never planning on telling what you’ve been up to before joining this college to anyone.

Somewhere during this, you had spaced out, thankfully unnoticed by Sarah. You hadn’t intended to, but you couldn’t help but feel an uneasy ache blooming within your heart. You wanted to text your mother again to check if everything was alright, but you knew she would disapprove of you checking on her every five minutes.

“Do you know what your dorm number is?” Sarah asked after a while, both of you walking on the campus, looking around. You nodded, showing her a poorly ripped paper where you had hastily scribbled it. You took note of the way her eyes widened, a gasp leaving her lips. It was nice to see someone so comfortable with expressing themselves, curiously gnawing at you as you tilted your head in confusion.

“What?”

“I know who your roommate is.” Sarah quipped, a big and almost playful grin soon overtaking her earlier calm smile. You couldn’t decipher if she was paying her condolences or genuinely excited for you — maybe both. “It’s my brother.”

Sarah was kind enough to drop you at your dorm despite your multiple attempts at reassuring her that you were perfectly capable of finding your dorm yourself, which you weren’t since you had no idea about the directions in this place, but still. You didn’t want to be some burden on her shoulders that she’d get annoyed of soon enough and drop it.

“See you soon, sweetie! Gonna hang out with you, ‘kay?” An unfamiliar warmth flooded in your heart as you shyly waved at her while she walked away, her figure soon disappearing. Sighing to yourself, you unlocked the door, finding your luggage messily dropped there. Excellent service, ha. You supposed it was nice enough of them for not making you walk around with that heavy luggage of yours for the entire day.

Sighing tiredly, you plopped down onto the bed that seemingly was yours, eyes trailing over to the other side of the room. It was, well, something. Clean and someone had already unpacked everything. You could only pray that this roommate of yours was intent on being this clean for the entirety of the year. It was relaxing at least, the quietness within this room, the cold pillows and sheets. Perhaps you were a little too tired, eyes growing heavier and heavier until you eventually fell asleep, forgetting about all the problems for a while.

You were jolted awake from whatever commotion was taking place outside your dorm, your brows furrowing in confusion, vision still trying to adjust to the surroundings. The sky blue had soon dissolved into bleeding orange hues outside the window, some clouds lingering. You really did sleep a lot it seemed, stretching your arms up, a relieved groan leaving you. Now about the noises.

Reluctantly, you got up and opened the door just a bit too look outside, growing uncomfortable at the sight of some friends laughing around lightly and chugging down whatever it was that they were drinking. A part of you wanted to step up and tell them to stop disrupting your peace, but that thought alone made your stomach ache anxiously. Sighing, you closed the door back again.

A few minutes passed by until the sudden sound of the door opening made you flinch, eyes snapping over to the person who just walked in.

“Stop fucking around, Topper. Y’know my sister’s a bitch, and she'll just keep using you like- like every other time.” His voice was a bit slurred, just a little. You most probably wouldn’t have even noticed it if it weren’t for you seeing him drinking around earlier. His eyes were blue, hair short and a neat shade of light brown, combed back beneath his hat. Under the cozy dim lights of the room and the light coming from outside through the parted door where he stood, you could make out the warm flush coating his cheeks, lips slicken, some reddish marks peppered on his neck which were less like bruises and more like hickeys. Who were you even kidding? They are hickeys. His clothes were preppy, and normally you’d have gagged because he just grossly screamed rich, but he seemed attractive enough.

Though none of that really mattered. It soon dawned onto you that he was Sarah’s sister, so comfortably calling her a bitch. Quite the bully of a big brother he seemed to be in your eyes. You silently sat there, looking at him in confusion until he soon turned around to close the door, eyes widening at the sight of you. Was that a flinch?

“What the fuck?”

“Um… I am your new roommate.” You ignored his words, feeling embarrassed enough by even introducing yourself to him. His brows rose a bit, soon remembering that he indeed had a new roommate assigned. His roommates were always changing and frankly, he couldn’t care less. Not his fault that they were incapable of handling him.

“I see….” He trailed off, taking off his cap and tossing it on his bed, slumping down on the mattress as he groaned. “I’m Rafe.”

You hummed, an uneasy silence falling in between you which definitely didn’t affect him, already engrossed on his phone, mumbling silently and incoherently to himself.

“Well, you won’t see much of me. I mostly spend the nights at the frat house.” Ah. So he was one of those guys. You wondered why you hadn’t deduced that earlier, he was like a walking example of what a frat boy was like. Again, you hummed as a response, not really knowing what to say. It was clear that even in this factory, he was different from Sarah. Where conversations flowed easily with her despite it being only your first day, something about him was just so, well, unwelcoming. You giggled softly at the thought without realising it, causing him to glance over at you curiously, eyes squinting.

Strange, you were strange. Even if you were new, you just looked so out of place. Rafe knew a good couple of people to reach that conclusion, not caring if he was getting ahead of himself.

“So… ya new here?”

“Yes.”

“You likin’ this place so far?”

“It’s… decent.”

Short answers and pointless questions, Rafe internally groaned at himself for even trying. He was just so fucking bored, in need of something interesting in his life and new people generally were quite interesting. Perhaps you were the exception.

“Not much fun are you, huh?” He couldn’t help but scoff, slightly annoyed. He tossed his phone aside and sat up on the bed, scrutinising you with his stare alone, as if trying to unravel past the bars you’d build around you. “Y’know we’re roomies now, We should get along.” He added, a teasing smirk appearing on his lips.

“Maybe if you hadn’t called her a bitch.” You blurted out, eyes widening at the slip of your tongue, quickly looking at him. It was easy to decipher who the ‘her’ was, his jaw clenching and brows drawing together. The way his body fidgeted at that made you wonder if he’d say something aloud, if he’d get angry. you weren’t great in reading body languages, but for some reason, you were inquisitive when it came to him.

“Oh, so this is what it’s about. You are my sister’s friend, huh? Well that explains it.” He scoffed bitterly, disappointed as he rubbed the side of his neck, right where those hickeys were, though you couldn’t exactly pinpoint why.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothin’ at all. Just don’t bother me, ‘kay? I’ve got stuff to do.”

The passive aggressiveness was starting to piss you off, soon wondering if this really was the worst possible roommate one could have. While he seemed to keep the surroundings clean to your liking — for now — his attitude was meant to intimidate you. Setting his control, a line between you both — his class.

Tension hung in the air, your fingers tightly clenching into the hem of your shirt, aching to grab your phone and break out of your frozen state but you couldn’t, eyes fixated on him which stared right back at you. Not particularly a staring contest. It was something else, something that made you want to throw a pillow at him out of frustration. You’d have assumed your first day would pass by calmly, that everything will turn out to be alright. But this fucking-

Rafe clicked his tongue and rolled over, laying down on his bed once again, his back facing you. You let out a breath you hadn’t even realised you were holding in, laying down to grab your phone.

Oh yes, Sarah. You remembered that you’d saved her number. After a few minutes of hesitation and not wanting to disturb her, you gave in.

Something deep within gnawed at you for not telling her about what Rafe was talking about behind her back, but maybe that was a norm for them. You didn’t want to intrude, didn’t want to step foot into unknown territory that’d cause havoc to the peace you’re desperately trying to build up.

No, it was much better to just observe from afar. Plus the thought of hanging out with new people seemed to somewhat excite you. If they are Sarah’s friends, they must be nice too.

Though her words kept playing in your head. He’s trouble. Maybe you really were naive, walking into a trap without even realising it. But you’d always been like, hadn’t you? Even when you were young, even when you were in front of him.

“It’ll be alright…” You whisper to yourself. As long as that man stays away from your mother and you, everything will be alright. After all, that’s what it was for. To be safe.

As you drifted into sleep after a good half an hour of just thinking about everything, Rafe rolled over once again to stare at your back, eyes boring into your sleep form unbeknownst. Dead eyes, really, but something about you just seemed to tick him off, not in a threatening way. He couldn’t pinpoint it, which just heightened his frustrations. It wasn’t necessarily a stare with wrong intent, no. Simple observation, a need to know more about you.

Not that he was interested.

Maybe you were just another sweet bug he could hold in his palm and then squeeze a bit too tight.

[awriterinthenight]

"I Think I Love You More"-Five Hargreeves

requested: anonymous

words: 1769

warnings: swearing, Klaus being weird and just himself, that's it

summary: While planning a birthday party for the Hargreeves siblings with Lila, you don't know what to get Five, until you think of the perfect gift

In most families birthdays were usually celebrated with parties, balloons, cake, and presents. Unless you were one of the Hargreeves siblings, in that case birthdays were just another day.

You and Lila were both shocked to hear that none of the siblings ever had a true birthday. Luther was always busy with his dad or a mission, Diego was apparently "too manly" to celebrate, Allison did celebrate her birthday with Claire and Patrick, but it was never the same as a real birthday party, Klaus was...well Klaus, Five was stuck in the apocalypse for most of his life, Ben died young never experiencing one, and Viktor was always saddened when the day came around. This meant you and Lila had to take things into your own hands and give them the best birthday ever.

"Should we do it in the house, or rent a place?" you asked Lila, as you two sat on the couch a notebook in front of both of you to plan out details.

"If we rent somewhere it'll have the crappy birthday feel, but nothing beats a questionable house party with even worse decoration," she said, scribbling down your decision.

You two continued to talk and work out details, and in the midst of your planning you didn't see Diego and Five sneak up behind you two, "Their scheming something, this can't be good," Diego said, making the post of you close your notebooks and jump from being startled.

"When one is involved it's never good, but the both of them together might cause the end of the world," Five joked, standing behind you on the couch, "What are you doing anyway?" he asked, his tone was softer when he talked to you, and he was much less arrogant too.

You shrugged trying to act normal, "Nothing, me and Lila were just talking," you said, gaining a bit of courage to ask your next question, "You're guy's birthday is coming up right, is there anything you would want?"

Diego being who he was spoke up first, since you tried to phrase the question to both of them, but also more pointedly at Five, but Diego isn't the brightest crayon, "Personally I would like for you to stop eating all the damn cookies," he complained.

"I'll take it into consideration," you said, definitely not going to stop eating the cookies, "What about you?" you asked, turning towards Five, noticing how he was missing his signature watch he always wore.

"Nothing really, never really got anything ever, so it really doesn't matter," he said with a shrug. That was just so helpful, I'm being sarcastic can you tell, or is it that obvious?

"Oh," you said, a bit surprised at his answer, "Okay, then."

Once Five and Diego left, Lila went out to pick up some things for the surprise party, leaving you to ponder why you had to like the most annoying Hargreeves sibling. It was nothing truly against him, more that he was impossible to shop for, and him saying you didn't have to get him something made it even harder. But lucky for you, you ran into your favorite Hargreeves sibling.

"Hey Klaus, what do you think your brother would want for his birthday?" you asked, optimistic that he could help you.

Klaus' interest seemed to have been piqued by your question, "Hmm, with Five he could want anything from a lobotomy to old grandpa clothes," he said, being of no help.

You let out a long breath, "Unless you have any actual suggestion, thanks for wasting my time," you muttered, as you started to walk away from him.

"Wait," Klaus said, stopping you, "Just get him something practical that he'll like. Or, hear me out here, give him, yourself," he said, raising his eyebrows weirdly, putting his hands out in front of him.

"I'm sorry w-what," you stuttered, confused as to what he was saying.

"Oh, don't act all oblivious. It's so obvious you two are in love with each other. I mean it's agony to watch you two," he explained, laughing while he talked.

You tried to hide the look of shock on your face, was it really that obvious. "T-that's just...that isn't, we aren't," you stuttered out, frustrated with yourself for being so flustered by the mention of your small (massive) crush on Five.

Klaus let out a hearty laugh at your flustered state, "You are so in love with him it's crazy. Seriously you could give him anything and he would love it. By the way what are you getting me?" he asked, batting his lashes and acting dramatic.

"Something from a lobotomy to drugs," you said, annoyed at his antics.

He just giggled like the insane person he was, "Well, I bet it will be nowhere near as good as Five's gift," he said, now getting on your nerves.

You let out a sigh, walking away from Klaus, since you were not winning that conversation. You'd spent the next half hour trying to figure out what to get Five, but had come up with nothing so far. Fortunately you seemed to grow a brain cell and knew exactly what to get him. You immediately ran up to Klaus' room, since you were going to need a bit of help.

"Hey Klaus, how willing do you think Ben would be to help me with a little scheme?"

***

It was the day of the party, Lila had taken the siblings out to lunch to keep them away from the house while you and Pogo decorated the house. You had balloons, streamers, birthday hats, a pinata, and even a decent tasting birthday cake. It was, as Lila called it, all the essentials for a shit-tastic party. All the gifts were in a pile, except for your gift to Five since you wanted to give it to him personally.

You saw them enter the front door and into the living room, "Surprise," you said, smiling while using one of the party blowers (yes I had to look up what it was called, and yes that's what they're actually called apparently).

Everyone was surprised you and Lila had put together a whole party for them, but was excited to start celebrating. Everyone had put on party hats, especially Klaus who had 4 on his head, and had cracked open the champagne Lila bought.

The party went on for a few hours with music, cake, playing classic party games, and even everyone opening their gifts from you and Lila. However one person did notice a certain someone's gift to him wasn't in the pile.

"So what did you get me?" Five asked, now that the party was winding down and everyone was doing their own thing.

"What makes you think I got you something?" you said, crossing your arms, "You said not to get you anything."

He smiled at you, "I know you, darling, I know you got me something."

You let out a long breath, "Maybe I did," you said, uncrossing your arms, "But in my defense you're hard to shop for, so please don't hate it."

"I promise I won't," He said, excited to see what you got him.

You held the small box behind your back, "Close your eyes, and hold out your hands," you said, and he followed just as you directed. You placed the box in his hands and waited anxiously for him to open his eyes.

When he opened his eyes he looked at the box before opening it. Inside the box was a simple watch with a leather band.

"You got me a watch," he said, looking up at you through his lashes.

You couldn't tell if he was disappointed or surprised about the gift so you tried to play it off, "I-I just noticed your usual one was missing, and I remembered you said something about it being broken, so I just thought you could use a new one. I hope you like it," you rambled, not noticing how he was looking closer at the watch.

"F.H.," he said, running his finger over the initials, "And are those..."

You were nervous as to what he would think about this part of the watch, "My initials. I just thought it would be more personal if I added it. I can probably get it removed if you don't like it, but-" you once again rambled before getting cut off.

"Who said I didn't like it?" he said, once again looking at you like you were everything to him.

"Oh, I just, I didn't know how you would react so I didn't know if you would like it, sorry," you said anxiously.

He took a step closer to you, barely inches apart now, "This must've been expensive, how did you afford it?" he questioned, shocked that you would get him something so nice, and also trying to fight his urge to kiss you right then and there for it.

You swayed a bit, still nervous, "Actually I had it customized, then had Klaus have Ben steal it for me," you told him, explaining the heist you pulled earlier.

He let out a small laugh, something that was very uncommon for him, "So you customized a watch for me, then had a ghost steal it for me, and you threw an amazing party?"

"Yes, that's basically the whole story. I know it sounds crazy, but you know your family," you joked nervously.

Five smiled, looking at you once again, "I don't know what I love more, you or the watch," he confessed.

You were flustered by his confession, "I- y-you, love me?" you questioned, since you thought that he didn't love you back.

"Of course I do," he said, leaning in closer to you.

"Well, I love you too," you confessed, leaning in closer till your lips touched. Your first kiss was soft, but once you pulled away Five pulled you back in. This time the kiss was more passionate.

"I think I love you more," he said in-between kisses, making you laugh softly at his antics.

You two were so enthralled with each other, that you didn't notice Klaus celebrating in the back. Klaus had been so excited that his plan to get the two of you together worked. He had distracted Five and "accidentally" broke his watch. Since he knew you were very observant, he knew you would notice, get him a watch, but would personalize it, then Five would realise how in love you were with him, and would lead us to this point. Klaus was a real mastermind when it came to playing cupid.

Current Taglist for all fics (ask to be added)

@almost-gabrielle @scarlett-8 @sarahskywalker-amidala @atashiboba @that1deerpersondownstairs @herondale-lightworm

[hoursofreading]

“Caring about my looks has diminishing returns after the five-minute mark,” another commented. “I genuinely think my quality of life would be better if I didn’t care at all. Thinking about it too much makes me miserable.” Many who identified as average-looking regret the financial cost of upkeep. “Money spent on [beauty] in my early 20s could have been much better invested so that I was experiencing much more financial freedom now that I’m divorced,” said one, while another noted she was “still paying off Botox injections because I had to use credit. It was a terrible decision.” Some of the most striking insights came from those who self-identified as ugly. “Being aware of how society works starts, in my opinion, with finding out that you’re conventionally unattractive,” a participant shared. “It’s easier to get out of the system (as much as I can) when you know it doesn’t benefit you as much anyway.” Learning about beauty culture and diet culture, they said, has made them “more proactive in changing [their] life instead of just quietly adhering to societal standards”. Plenty of people reasonably said they see participation in beauty culture as an act of survival. But, as one person pointed out, “Being the most beautiful woman in the world will not [lead to] a true, healthy inner life.” Finally, one respondent celebrated “letting go” of aesthetic labor – and the low self-esteem that came with it. “It turns out everyone loves me the same,” she said. I think the only way to reconcile your dual desires for interrogating beauty culture and for pretty privilege, Not That Girl, is to acknowledge the paradox of possessing beauty: it may improve your life in certain ways, but at a price. Unfortunately, accepting this tension won’t necessarily resolve it. Beauty culture is everywhere, and it’s pretty persuasive. Knowing it exists is just the first step; resisting it is much harder. But I find the work of divesting from beauty culture has a higher return on investment than the effort I used to put into, say, memorizing the properties of cosmetic chemicals. And for what it’s worth, I earn more money now and am in a healthy relationship. Beyond your college campus, there is a world full of less-than-stunning people leading wonderful lives. No matter what you look like, this is available to you, too.

I want to ignore beauty culture. But I’ll never get anywhere if I don’t look a certain way | Well actually | The Guardian

[chirpingfromthebox]

Some random thoughts:

I actually did put Ottawa as my pick for last in the standings. And not because I think they're gonna be bad! But because someone has to be! Think about it. I believe in the power of New York this season. I'm not gonna count the inaugural champions, so I'm not putting Minnesota. Toronto has way too many proven powerhouse players for me to ever put them in last. Montréal plays a gritty game like Boston, but had the offensive power to back it up last season, so I'm gonna take that long shot. And so I'm left with Boston and Ottawa. While Boston lacked some real offense, but they drafted with that in mind. So I'm curious how it will pan out. But the deciding factor for me is that I can't count out a team with that much grit, especially when they have Hilary Knight and Aerin Frankel at the helm. So I'm left with Ottawa. And I am fully prepared to eat my own words. Because they've always struck me as the giant slayer team. Anytime someone counted them out they'd come back and make them regret it. Plus if their new goalies can take some of the strain off of Maschmeyer? No matter what happens though, you can always trust the Charge to be an exciting team to watch.

Love seeing that I'm not alone in thinking Hilary Knight is gonna be a force this season. I'm really curious to see what Boston's lines wind up looking like.

On one hand, in my mind I know Minnesota won't trade Britta Curl. If they did it would be a Jaques/Tapani-level holy-shit of a trade. But as a Frost fan I would love it. Not only to get her off my team, but to make all the high-horse naysayers realize she represents a league problem, not some Minnesota-inherent problem.

While she'll never win the title, I just want everyone to know that Lee Stecklein is one of the most impressive defenders in the league. She tends to get overshadowed by the more offensive-defenders, because it's harder to collect defensive stats. But in terms of pure defense she is a true menace to the opposing team. I just need you to all be aware of the beauty of her game.

I'm also gonna take a moment to cheer on the Frost a little bit. I do get why y'all hate on the Frost, in spite of the fact that we are the victims here. But if you seriously think the Frost is gonna be on the bottom? Like that isn't just anger at Klee's menagerie of bad decisions coming out? Think about it. The image everyone has in their minds is the Frost's massive losing streak after the international break. People act like they accidentally got into the playoffs. When you should be thinking, "here is a team that was so good all year long, that they didn't even need to play their last 5 games to get into the playoffs." And that's considering their star player was injured for a chunk of the year!They had the best goalie tandem in the league. They have a host of offensive powerhouses. They already had some top-tier defenders and just picked up Thompson and Batherson? They have a type of depth that allows them to be able to adapt their game in really interesting ways. Some of the real questions are: Is Ken Klee really the hot shit that the league seems to think he is? How will having a new GM who seems incredibly wet behind the ears affect the team? And can the Frost shake off their tendency to be streaky?

And isn't it all just so exciting? Who knows what will happen?! No matter who wins and who loses, we the fans will have won, because this is gonna be some damn great hockey.

2024-25 Season Prediction Survey Results

Read below or read a better formatted version here

The second PWHL season looms heavy on the horizon, and with preseason camps underway, the prospect of change, a new season with new storylines and new team names and logos and new players, haunts us all. We may not all be sports experts, but after watching the first season for months and eagerly awaiting the second, we all have our own ideas of how season two might go. Whether they’re logical ideas or not will be seen upon the future, but I, lover of data and spreadsheets, decided to gather up all your opinions and predictions of how season two will go, from the biggest honor (The Walter Cup) to random questions regarding trades and penalty minutes

Team Predictions -

This was the easy part of the form. Minimal prior knowledge, you didn’t even need to know the team names because I put them all in as multiple choice questions. Hypothetically everyone could have just picked randomly and I wouldn’t be any the wiser. That being said, some interesting trends emerged from you folks, some predictable and some less so.

Walter Cup Winners: Boston Fleet or Montreal Victoire (35.3%)

This was probably one of the closest races beneath the team with only about a single vote difference between Boston winning it all and Montreal winning it all at any one time. As an entirely unbiased Boston fan and casual Montreal enjoyer, I think this prediction is definitely founded in something. Montreal and Boston project to be two of the stronger teams, but I also think I’m biased if only because of how many Montreal and Boston fans I see in comparison to other teams. With all that being said, I’d be disappointed but not surprised if some other less represented team (Seriously does no one believe New York can win? Even Ottawa got a single vote and y’all really hated Ottawa) wins it going away after a hot season. But as my father always says, that’s why we play the game and this game/series in particular is quite a far ways away.

Walter Cup Runner Ups: Montreal Victoire (35.3%)

Honestly, I was expecting pretty similar results for this question as the question above, after all if the general consensus is that one of those two teams will win the cup, then one of them would have to lose it, right? Well Montreal was right up there, but unexpectedly Toronto came in second with 24% of people having enough faith in Toronto getting to the finals and then very little faith in them actually winning it, girlfailures that they are. Montreal tied with them to get second in the cup, followed by Boston (please god don’t let it come to that I don’t think my heart could take two years in a row) and then the mish mash of the Sirens, Frost, and Charge. 

First in the standings: Toronto Sceptres (32.4%)

So Montreal was leading this right up until I was actually writing and then I had to completely change my paragraph mid writing which was so much fun and definitely not irritating at all, but Toronto overtook Montreal for first, aiming for that repeat first in the standings and dare I be speaking sacrilege against the Victoire (who I do like more than the Sceptres) I honestly think they have a better chance. Like a 45% chance vs. a 40% chance. Boston carried up third place in voting and as much as I love the Fleet I think lots of things would have to go right for that to happen (another stunning season by Frankel, more consistent offense, an actual power play, so on and so forth). 

Additionally, as much as I hate to say it, I think we’re seriously underselling Minnesota, just because they made some inadvisable choices during the off season doesn’t mean they still aren’t largely the team who won the Walter cup and has theoretically gotten better during the offseason. Then again, I’d be as happy as anyone to see them crash and burn a little bit so it’s all speculatory. New York got a grand total of two votes but I’m secretly rooting for them to surprise some people. Ottawa got none, but we can cover that in the next section.

Last in the standings: Ottawa Charge (52.9%)

Guys. Guys, really? Ottawa fans, I am begging you, come represent your team because this is embarrassing. Like I don’t know much about what Ottawa’s been up to other than rebuilding the Czech National Team (shout out to Carla Macleod I am manifesting you knowing what you are doing). Like they weren’t bad last year, they were second in goals for, and they did lose a bit but they had tons of overtime losses which means they were in the games. Hell, they were very nearly in the playoffs, they were in the same category as Minnesota and Boston, the two finalist teams! Apparently my unpopular opinion is that Ottawa isn’t going to suck (They hopefully have two solid goalies now so Masch won’t be overworked, they signed some good players, I feel like I’m going crazy.) Otherwise, there’s not much notable in this section other than some doubt about the Sirens and the Frost (lord let it be the Frost /j) but shoutout to the one person truly going against the grain and saying that Montreal is gonna get dead last, I applaud your bravery.

The Four Playoff Teams:

This question was a little less straightforward so we’re gonna split it into three sections. The (Predicted) Shoe-ins, The Contenders, and Ottawa.

The (Predicted) Shoe-ins - 

The Sceptres, the Victoire, and the Fleet all had about 30 votes with nearly 90% of respondents selecting them each as one of the potential playoff teams. This fits pretty well with the previous votes of the Walter Cup winners and runner ups, so I wasn’t too surprised at any of these. All of these teams should have a decent shot at the playoffs and my own mostly unfounded misgivings about the Sceptres aside, this is all pretty reasonable and I largely think there’s a good chance that this is how it goes..

The Contenders - 

The Frost and the Sirens were pretty evenly matched, about half of y’all voted that they’d be one of four playoff teams and I generally agree that they both have a pretty good shot at the playoffs so there isn’t much to talk about here. I’d personally be more excited for the Sirens to make a run at the playoffs, I think they have a chance to be good after last season and hopefully put some things together over the summer, but we shall see.

Ottawa - 

You know I already wrote a whole ramble about this and since then Ottawa beat Boston 6-1 in the preseason and I think they heard how little faith you guys had in them and decided to take it out on my team. That’s all I’m gonna say on that.

The Trade Predictions:

These answers were definitely a bit less clear cut due to the nature of the question, after all it’s a lot easier to say who you think will be good than try and get into the head of GMs and coaches, but a few trends emerged nonetheless. The Frost, the Sirens, and the Charge all got 19 or 20 apiece and I think it makes a bit of sense. After all the Sirens and the Charge seemingly stand the most to gain through trade having missed the playoffs, and from later responses those who voted Minnesota were manifesting a Britta Curl trade which I’ll refrain from judging at the moment. I will say I’m a bit surprised that less people voted for Boston, after all unless my memory is entirely wrong they had the most trades over the course of last season and seem to hold very few qualms about it.

0.500+ Winning Percentage: Montreal Victoire (84.8%)

Guys, I respect this take, I’m 90% sure this was one of my votes for an above .500 team as well, but may I speak a little bit of heresy against the Victoire? Like they’re gonna be good, I don’t have doubt in that, but I don’t know if they’re gonna be that decisively good. They’re a bit injured which could lead to a rocky start and do we all still remember how much they relied on those top few players especially in the playoffs? I’m pretty sure in the Boston series their fourth line may have gotten less than ten minutes overall which I’m not an expert on hockey but isn’t a whole thing about balancing ice time and having solid lines all the way through so your stars aren’t having absurdly long nights (shout out to Erin Ambrose you deserve a gun)?

Otherwise this follows the general trends of the playoffs with a bit more faith in the Frost than in the Sirens, a reasonable amount for the Fleet and Sceptres, and absolutely none in Ottawa which I think we’ll all come to regret but I’ve said my piece about that already so I won’t beat a dead horse into the ground.

Higher Goals For than Goals Against: Toronto Sceptres (68.8%)

This risks getting into actual smart people hockey stuff that I am by no means an expert in, so I won’t spend too long other than to just share the results. Toronto and Montreal are the only two teams with a confidence rate of over 50%, followed by Boston, Minnesota, New York, and Ottawa. I think it’s interesting to think about potential offensive numbers but really can’t speak much to how accurate these have the chance of being because my main reaction is “huh yeah that’s a statistic people can make predictions on”

Player Predictions -

This definitely was a lot less definitive on almost all fronts, and I joked while advertising this that you could just type in MPP for all the answers and get half of them right, which seems to be the approach that some of you took. It’s fair, but expect a lot of repetition looking at these charts due to that because she is just that pervasive. I’ll try to mention as many players you guys picked as possible but you might have to look at the charts because I am neither an expert in all players nor a good enough writer to say anything other than “Yeah that’s certainly a player”

Above 1.00 points per game played: Marie Philip-Poulin (13 votes)

And here is the start to our MPP sweep, starting strong off the bat, about half of the 26 answers to this question included her which makes sense. She was second only to Natalie Spooner last season, with 1.1 pt/g and unless something weird happens I see no reason to suspect otherwise from her. I honestly didn’t expect as many other players to be suggested, after all it was only Natalie Spooner and Marie Philip-Poulin which makes sense, it’s an impressive statistic, but everyone seemed to have their favorites. Sarah Nurse was one player who hasn’t really been on my radar but you guys seem to like her, for this question and a bunch of other ones. I personally am partial to a Hilary Knight comeback season from this list but would be interested to see anyone make that jump.

In the Top Ten Points Getters: Marie Philip-Poulin (15 votes)

Everyone raise their hands if they’re surprised MPP won this in a landslide, oh wait literally no one is surprised I could have told you this when it was literally only my vote on the board. You’ll learn very quickly that oftentime the runaway winner of these simple questions aren’t really the interesting ones, it’s everyone else that got nominated that you can really dig into. Everyone who got top 10 last year, 18-27 points was up here in this list except Brianne Jenner and Katerina Mrazova which I’m chalking up to you guy’s Ottawa hate. Shoutout to Tobi and the one other person who voted for Gabbie Hughes and also Ronja Savolainen, you are the real ones rooting for the Charge.

Also I don’t know if it’s because with Natalie Spooner just kind of ruled the world coming out of Toronto I was completely blindsided by Sarah Nurse on most of these questions sorry Nursey I forgot you existed a little bit hopefully the Toronto girlies don’t tear me apart for that one.

PIMPG Over 1.00 Minutes: Abby Roque (16 votes)

The certainty of the questions ticks up by one for the next few and as much as everyone believed in MPP being awesome overall, one more person believed in Abby Roque being a criminal on skates and/or overly penalized, I didn’t leave room for that distinction. Tereza Vanišová earned the dubious distinction of second place but only with 6 votes and Emma Maltais earned third with a measly 3. Not a ton of Rookie representation here but I’ll be interested to see if any of this draft class take up this mantle. Also shoutout to the two people who voted Kaleigh Fratkin despite her not playing that’s so real and valid of you.

Save Percentage Over 0.920: Aerin Frankel (17 votes)

With the most votes of any player for a single category, Aerin Frankel, The Green Monster, love of my life and the blockade of the Boston Fleet, absolutely swept this category. I might have been thinking this in my head, but it’s good to see my Frankel love reaffirmed for the upcoming season because she deserves it all. And maybe a gun if Boston decides to have a few repeat performances from last year (cough two fifty+ save games in a row cough). The goalie questions have an inherently smaller pool so there were fewer surprises because as a certified goalie lover I try to keep tabs on the situation in net across the league. I’m shocked ARD didn’t get as much of a nod here from Montreal fans but suppose the appeal of Montreal is dissimilar to Boston in that regard as you theoretically have a consistent offense.

20+ Games Started as a Goalie: Aerin Frankel (16 votes)

Honestly I’m surprised Maschmeyer didn’t run away with this question because if it’s who I’d like to see start 20 games and do wonderfully it’d definitely be Frankel but I think with the possible addition of Klara Peslarova Boston shouldn’t be overly reliant on her with Soderburg and potentially Peslarova to back her up. I suppose it might be overwhelming faith in Gwyneth Phillips to be a solid number 2 in Ottawa but she wasn’t that represented in other goalie questions so maybe it was just an oversight considering Masch had the most starts of any goalie in the league last year. More interestingly, I respect the one person who refrained from answering and basically said that there’s so much depth in the league that no goalie will get 20 out of 30 starts. I’m not sure if it’s accurate, but the depth is real so it’s possible.

Billie Jean King (MVP) Nominee: Marie-Philip Poulin (10 votes)

And now we’re officially back in MPP territory and I’m not gonna spend too much time breaking this down because yeah. If Poulin has a repeat performance from last season and Spooner’s out for a significant portion of the season on LTIR, it’s her award to lose. But let’s look at some of the people you think she has the chance to lose it to. Once again you guys are on the Sarah Nurse train and you know what I support. Seeing the team ratios, lots of Toronto, a smattering of everyone else, no Ottawa, is definitely interesting but I’m not nearly smart enough to make conclusions as to what that means so I’ll leave it up to you to decide. (Something something teams with depth might have less obvious candidates if they’re all kicking in?)

Forward of the Year Nominee: Marie-Philip Poulin (10 votes)

Wow. MPP for forward of the year, who possibly could have predicted this. Definitely not me. And yes, you all are probably right but that’s not interesting! That’s not fun and cool and interesting so let’s move on. More Sarah Nurse love in this house and I think I can confidently say there aren’t very many of you confident in a repeat performance from Spooner/think her injured status will prevent her from potentially making this list. It’s a bit more prominent but there’s definitely a big Daryl Watts faction of supporters and honestly I endorse this. I might not be a huge Toronto girlie but I always have a soft spot for players who move teams and she just seems like a very easy person to root for. I just hope she doesn’t do too well against Boston this Saturday <3

Defender of the Year Nominee: Ella Shelton and Erin Ambrose (7 votes)

See isn’t this fun, isn’t this interesting, a tie for first place and none of them are named Marie-Philip Poulin! (ignore the fact she isn’t eligible) Honestly, I think Ella Shelton and Erin Ambrose are the obvious but objectively correct candidates. They were both nominated and both deserving but I think Shelton was a little robbed, after all she was second in points for her team as a defender and fifth yes that’s right, fifth place for points overall. But alas Erin Ambrose is a titaness and also deserved the award so that’s not the point. The point is I think I’m slightly biased towards Shelton between our two winners. As our runners up, we’re really feeling that Sophie Jaques love and I might be anti-Minnesota but I can’t bring myself to be ant-Sophie Jaques. Of course I endorse Keller (Go Fleet!) and can’t say I know enough about the rest of these players defensively to speak definitively on their chances.

Goalie of the Year Nominee: Aerin Frankel (13 votes)

Peace and love on planet earth there’s not much to say that I didn’t already say in the save percentage or games started section so I won’t dawdle too much here other than to say that there was a little less variation of who you thought would be nominated versus who you thought would have a good season (starting 20+ times, high save percentage). You guys tend to stick with proven goalies, which makes sense and I can’t see any place I’d disagree other than to say I think that if Corinne Schroeder keeps up her save percentage (higher than Soupy last year) and New York lets her see less of a volume of shots (she saw about 31 per game as compared to Campbell’s 24) by actually playing defense, she could separate a bit from the other goalies in the league. I’m always rooting for Aerin Frankel and think she got robbed last year, so if she stays the Green Monster she was last season I think she has a really good chance.

Rookie of the Year Nominee: Sarah Fillier (12 votes)

This really reaffirmed for me that most of us have absolutely no clue anything about the depth of this rookie class. Of the nine players named, ⅔ of them were the first round of the draft, one of them isn’t even a rookie (Sorry Daryl Watts you won’t be getting this piece of hardware), and Curl and Daniel were second and third round picks respectively. Meanwhile over 20 rookie skaters got points in the preseason games alone and only Serdachny and Fillier from this list got more than 1 point. The rest of those seven players were all but forgotten. And I get it, preseason is preseason, but my prediction is we’ll have a few unexpected standouts who really break out in the league when no one really saw them coming. I don’t think Sarah Fillier will be snubbed with nominations, her preseason hatty proved that she’s coming out on all cylinders, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the other two are people not listed here. We shall see.

Significantly Better Year (Pt/G increased by at least 0.4): Hilary Knight (7 votes)

Listen, I might be biased as she is the Captain of the Fleet (which sounds so cool and I do need art of her in a pirate uniform immediately if not sooner) but I personally am rooting for a Hilary Knight revenge tour. I think we saw it at the rivalry series and in the single preseason game she graced the ice with her presence, but I think she’s the type of player who underperformed last season and is now prepared to rip the league a new one. This was definitely one of the more varied questions with most candidates getting 1 or 2 votes so I’ll let you make your own opinions though I will say a lot of you are on the Daryl Watts train and think she’ll find her footing in Toronto. My one note is I’m not sure if some of you got the question because there are some candidates here (Sarah Nurse most notably) who had great and/or good seasons (above 0.5 points per game) and going up by 0.4 or more would mean they’d become transcendent players on the same level as the Spooners and Poulins of last season. I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying there’s only so high players can go reasonably.

Involved in a Trade: Britta Curl (2 votes)

If the last question was a wide field of answers, this was a complete crapshoot. Aside from what I assume are two Minnesota fans hoping to dump Britta Curl on some other team, everyone else seems to be selected at random, so I won’t bother with any conjecture, you can observe and draw conclusions for yourself.

[pardonmydelays]

taylor swift lyrics that keep u up at night?

*takes a deep breath*

remember looking at this room, we loved it cause of the light now i just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time.

(oversharing in the tags)

[oddly-casual]

I think Mutant Mayhem is the first tmnt propriety to make Leo my favorite turtle right off the bat.

Not that I don’t like Leo anywhere else, but usually it takes me like a second rewatch or something to really pick apart Leo’s character in full to appreciate him- and even then he’s usually not my favorite.

But MM Leo is my favorite for reasons I cannot identify.

Maybe it’s the way he walks, his cringe fail personality, I don’t know but I care about this loser so much.

Idk he cares so much abt his siblings despite the fact that they can be so mean to him sometimes. He is also the one who continually pushes to do the right thing when theres nothing (or even sometimes worst things) to gain from it.

Even his attempts at being cool come off as dorkish but it’s charming in a way only little kids can be. In a ‘you’re doing your best sweetie’. Leo is a single mother of three while also being a teenage boy, that takes work.

He’s such a silent but calculating character, ironically when he doesn’t try so hard and does what he feels is right he gets the best results (ie his leader speech, the plan to be accepted, gaining the acceptance of other mutants) for all his fumbling and try hard attitude he has such natural potential it’s insane.

[philtatosbuck]

not to descendants post but it's crazy to me people are still looking at the core four like "you should have saved and liberated the entire isle within a month of being in auradon" girl what. how much power do people realistically think they had over auradon for them to do this without being evil about it (which y'all also hate)

[jasontoddenthusiastt]

On the subject of gotham county line and batman noel and so on and so forth it’s pretty frustrating (from a watsonian pov) that anytime Bruce hallucinates Jason being loving/ caring/helpful/compassionate towards him it’s always as robin and never as his current self

[stillcominback]

𝚆𝙴𝙻𝙻, 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚅𝙴𝚁𝙳𝙸𝙲𝚃'𝚂 𝙸𝙽: as a lot of you may know by know [ if you've caught any of my previous posts about it ], i'm moving with my parents back to california from texas -- where i've been for about 30 years -- because overall? it'll be good for me. i'm sick of texas for the most part, i literally can't afford to live on my own [ and honestly? i like being near my parents and would just have more security and better quality of life in CA ], and i just think sometimes a change is good!

i've been waiting to see if my job will let me keep my job [ and continue to pay me dirt, even! ] ... all i was asking is that i can live in california and work remote. well, the owner has decided he will not allow me to do that. is there a good reason? in my opinion: no. he's framing it [ in his conservative white man rich business owner brain ] that I'M the one making the choice to move because i could apparently just as easily stay in texas and get my own place etc etc etc. so it's on me! unfortunately, it's just not that simple, but i guess from a guy who runs a family business and has multiple homes, it's just hard to really grasp that concept.

i'm literally so furious and so heartbroken at the same time. i know it's not the best company, and yeah i guess, we can say this is for the best in the end? but that doesn't make it hurt less. i've been there for almost 11 fucking years. my ENTIRE career out of college. through ups and downs, i was always working my ass off and being a great employee ... shining reviews and reputation with literally everyone. it just hurts that that ultimately means nothing when i'm finally asking for something in return. i take the poverty wages, take the working in the office when i hate it for the most part, i've taken having to hear misogynistic, homophobic, transphobic, every-phobic thing over the years ... then i ask for ONE thing in 11 years [ that's literally not even a big ask ] and it's a ✨no✨.

i feel so lost. like i don't even know how to be without this job, and as much as people tell me YOU'RE SO TALENTED! YOU'RE SO GREAT! YOU'LL FIND SOMETHING SOOOO MUCH BETTER! i wanna believe it, but my brain just ... doesn't. maybe it's imposter syndrome or just how fucking down on myself i feel right now. i still appreciate it because i literally don't know what i would do without my friends and family's support right now like ... even if i can't see it for myself, it means the literal world to me.

plus sides [ i guess ]: i should be able to keep my laptop [ but i'll lose adobe cc so ... i may need some recs or help on how to at least get photoshop cause idk how i'll carry on without it lmao ]; my manager who is a literal saint and one of the best people i know [ she actually pissed the owner off going to the mat for me lmao "he doesn't like to be questioned" ... insert the biggest eye-roll of my life ] ... but she said she would help me with literally everything from linkedin to my resume to a portfolio, and i know that'll be like everything to me while i just .... try to navigate all of this ON TOP OF trying to move.

ALSO: i think i can work until i leave, if that's what i want to do ... i'm still trying to figure all of this out because honestly? even though it's not much? i need the money. but then i'm also like i don't wanna do the owner any favors by having me work while they maybe start putting out feelers to replace me, yknow? BUT THEN AGAIN, i'm hurting my boss more than him [ and that's the twisted, frustrated thing about all of this ... it hurts us way more than it does anything to him but he still gets to make the choice for us ]. SO! i dunno! i may just use all my PTO and see how far that gets me lmao but i feel like at the end of the day, i have to look out for myself and maybe just trying to pull in as many paychecks as i can [ since we also don't have a hard 'we're moving!' date at the moment ] is the best idea ... even if the idea of going into the office and acting normal like literally makes me so ... 😤 but i dunno! my brain is a mess! afjhksdfda

SO YEAH. i just wanted to update you guys because i do consider you friends. whether we talk a little or a lot, i appreciate all of you so much and just wanted to keep folks in the loop with where my life and my head's at right now. not the best but ... just trying to keep it moving. honestly nooooo clue when writing is gonna happen here again??? i do miss / enjoy the distraction of plotting and talking about all this stuff so don't be shy, i just don't know when i'll have the time or capacity to just write here [ maybe once we move and stuff settles a little bit? ] -- but yeah, in the meantime, please come chat with me, let's plot dynamics and all that shit because it still makes me so happy and lets me take my mind on a little vacation lmao love you all, truly! ❤️

[rowenabean]

.

[strohller27]

.

[couriersiccs]

i know that the point IS the pushing of the boulder up the hill, and not ever reaching the top of the hill because it was always going to be juuust outside your reach by the time exhaustion catches up with you and sends you careening back down towards the bottom to start climbing all over again

but for once can it just be about getting to the top and having a nice rest and then rolling back down the hill to start again? by choice? can i catch up for once and just feel accomplished for a second before deciding for myself, not for gravity’s unrelenting sake, to push another stupid rock up another stupid hill?

[vogelmeister]

(when i say general i mean standard 2 and 2 unit is advanced)