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onceupona-chaos · 4 years ago

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Shackles and bridges: SJM and the mating bond

I know there are a lot of posts about this, but I wanted to do one myself, so here we go.

DISCLAIMER: This is my interpretation as someone who is a very new member of this fandom and has more contact with “common readers”, since I was one myself until a couple of months ago. Everything here is based on textual evidence and my experience as an avid reader, so take a step back from any ship. But I will talk about the probability of a rejected mating bond, so if that's not your cup of tea, be warned. English is not my first language, so forgive me for any mistakes.

Be kind!

Also, minor spoiler for CC.

The mating bond is the most important element in SJM’s books and it's present in most of the main endgame couples. Aelin and Rowan, Feyre and Rhys, Nesta and Cassian, for example.

It’s described as this precious, sacred bridge between souls - or is it?

SJM is a very formulaic writer. We can draw several parallels with her writing, due to the way she structures her scenes and chooses her words.

We saw this explicitly with Nesta and Cassian in the Solstice scene, which is very similar to the one between Feyre and Rhysand: an emotional discussion, kissing tears away, lovemaking with “say it” and “you’re mine”, mating bond glowing between them, on and on.

Different characters, but same scenario, same process, same wording, almost the same scene.

However, considering that every mated couple until now ends up together HEA, I have the feeling that SJM is starting to explore the mating bond in different ways, otherwise every one of her books would be too… similar? In a way that the reader wouldn’t be surprised anymore, it would be the same story over and over.

To the ones who are faithful to those characters and to her books (her fans), this isn’t exactly a problem, but we have to consider the other readers as well, the bigger audience (SJM sold millions of copies, so not everyone who reads her books is engaged online).

For that exact reason, to approach a narrative element in a different way is very common among writers.

I’ll give you an example with Cassandra Clare and the parabatai bond (SPOILERS from TDA): the parabatai bond is an oath between friends who swear to protect each other. In TMI and TID, we have this bond between friends (Jace and Alec/ Will and Jem) that are almost brothers. However, in TDA, we have two parabatai (Julian and Emma) falling in love with each other, which is extremely forbidden.

The different ways a writer can approach the same elements are important to keep the readers engaged - not the reader who is a fan, but especially the occasional reader. Otherwise, it would be the “if you’ve read one, you’ve read them all” kind of thing, which is no bueno.

With that in mind, I really think SJM is starting to explore/ approach different sides of the mating bond.

Mate—not husband. The Fae had mates: an unbreakable bond, deeper than marriage, that lasted beyond death. (Heir of Fire/ ToG)

“But if they’re blessed, they’ll find their mate—their equal, their match in every way. High Fae wed without the mating bond, but if you find your mate, the bond is so deep that marriage is … insignificant in comparison.”

Another proof that SJM is formulaic: in both ToG and ACOTAR, the bond is presented for the first time in comparison to marriage, as something deeper and sacred.

However, Bryce, main character of CC (SJM book published before ACOSF), looks at it very differently:

“And at least he’s not some psychotic alphahole who will demand a three- day sex marathon and then call me his mate, lock me in his house, and never let me out again.” Which was why Reid—human, okay-at-sex Reid—was perfect.

This is such a contrast. To Bryce, the mating bond would take her freedom away (keep that in mind).

I’m not saying Bryce won’t have a mate or anything like that, but we don’t start reading CC with the same vision about the mating bond presented in the other books: a sacred bond, deeper than marriage. Bryce couldn’t care less about that, not once she wondered if Hunt is her mate.

Therefore, I don’t think SJM finally writing a different story about the mating bond so unthinkable. On the contrary, we see writers doing that all the time.

Also, I’m not saying Elain will reject it, but SJM is not only approaching the mating bond in different ways now, but she already structured a very solid base for a mating bond rejection to happen if she wants to:

ACOWAR

“You said your mother and father were wrong for each other; Tamlin said his own parents were wrong for each other.” I peeled off my dressing robe. “So it can’t be a perfect system of matching. What if”—I jerked my chin toward the window, to my sister and the shadowsinger in the garden—“that is what she needs? Is there no free will? What if Lucien wishes the union but she doesn’t?”

“A mating bond can be rejected”.

SJM already wrote a whole scene to explain the mating bond and how, for some people, is not this sacred thing and it can be rejected. Not only that, she directly approached that Elain could reject it if she wanted to, and that scene involved Lucien and Azriel.

“You are his mate. Do you even know what that means?”

“It means nothing,” Elain said, her voice breaking. “It means nothing. I don’t care who decided it or why they did—”

“You belong to him.”

“I belong to no one. But my heart belongs to you.“

Also in ACOWAR, Elain makes herself very clear: she would have ignored/ rejected the mating bond right there if Graysen still wanted a future with her, because she loved him. She would have chosen to follow her heart without hesitation.

The funny thing is that Azriel - Elain's current love interest - never saw that scene, never saw how Elain vigorously rejected Lucien for someone she loved or the way Graysen rejected her (I’ll leave this information to you).

ACOFAS

Those doe-brown eyes turned toward me. Sharper than I’d ever seen them.

“And that entitles him to my time, my affections?”

“No.” I blinked.

Her mouth tightened, the only sign of anger in her graceful countenance. “I don’t want a mate. I don’t want a male.”

Months go by and Elain is still uncomfortable with the bond.

ACOSF

“I am not always in this city to see my mate.” The last two words dripped with discomfort.

Her brown eyes were wary. Usually, that look was reserved for Lucien.

Elain only shrank further into herself, no trace of that newfound boldness to be seen.

At this point, it’s clear: the question "what if the Cauldron was wrong?" didn’t come out of nowhere, not only for Azriel, but in the narrative as well.

SJM had been slowly hinted at for three books now. I know she can change her mind, but if she wants to write about it, she made sure to write the perfect opportunity:

SJM already wrote a scene about the possibility of Elain rejecting the bond, that involved Elain, Lucien and Azriel, so it’s not coming from nowhere;

Lucien compared how different Elain is from the female who he had really loved;

They are both uncomfortable around each other;

Elain is romantically interested in someone else, who was part of that scene back in ACOWAR when we were presented to the possibility;

This someone else (Azriel) is interested in her;

SJM made sure to tie the romantic plot (Elain’s mating bond) with a political plot (Blood Duel);

The political plot is connected to the overarching plot (Autumn Court, Beron and Eris/ Koschei);

Mostly important: Elain is showing for three books that she doesn't want the bond;

"I don't want a mate. I don't want a male."

She literally said that with all the letters.

We can see this dichotomy between shackles (no freedom) x bridge (a connection) regarding Lucien as well.

"(Jesminda) She had chosen him. Elain had been … thrown at him."

He said that Elain had been thrown at him and also that they were shackled.

“Give her time to accept it.”

“To accept a life shackled to me?” (ACOFAS)

And then right in the next book (ACOSF) we have this:

“Well, I didn’t have a choice in being shackled to you, either.”

The declaration slammed into her. Shackled.(…)

Shackled.

Words beckoned, sharp as knives, begging for her to grab one and plunge it into his chest. Make him hurt as much as that one word hurt her.

SJM emphasized what that one word meant by repeating it and using italics. It’s another side of a mating bond: not a bridge of connection, but shackles with no freedom, no choice.

If Nesta was that hurt when Cassian (someone she loves) said that he didn’t get a choice in being "shackled” to her, can you imagine how is it for Elain and to actually have this bond with someone she don't love? And to Lucien as well?

The thing is in terms of storytelling, and by that I mean the plot, it’s undeniable that we already have everything that’s necessary to approach the matter of the mating bond in a way the reader has never seen before.

It’s a huge possibility, one that would make the regular readers interested (we have to remember that, not everyone who reads those books is engaged. They read them when it’s appealing).

If you want to look deeper, we can see little clues that point to that narrative path, too:

Elain shall wed for love and beauty.

The bond Elain had chosen.

Elain cut in sharply, “I am not a child to be fought over.”

Now, why hasn't Elain rejected the bond?

Because a writer doesn’t waist a good plot like that. Simple as that.

Let me tell you: SJM won’t waist that plot because a part of the fandom doesn’t like Elain, because 1) the online fandom itself is just a part of the readers; 2) inside the online fandom there are people who dislike Elain, who are neutral about her and people who like her; 3) SJM already know some people hate Elain, otherwise she wouldn’t have wrote this:

You think Elain is boring?

I think she’s kind, I’ll take kindness over nastiness any day. But I also think we haven’t seen all she has to offer yet.

SJM already told us she likes to write about disliked characters. She will write the story she wants to write and ACOSF is the major proof of that. If it’s a rejection or not, only she knows, everything could happen.

But SJM has been writing about mating bonds for years, do you really think the first time we get to see a rejection it would be for someone else’s POV? Or in a minor plot as if it isn’t a big deal? Especially when this rejection is directly related to a political plot and to the overarching plot?

No, not when SJM has enough material to write 700 pages and more, not when she has the opportunity to make a whole book out of this, one that is something entirely new for the reader, not when SJM built the perfect opportunity herself.

#pro elain #mating bond #pro elain archeron #acotar 5

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sword-brainrot · 4 years ago

Note

Hello~! I'm the Anon who asked for the Saniwa with the part-time job.

Don't worry hc were enough! I don't want to cause more work for you :3

But those hc were good! Can I ask for the same thing but with Yagen Toushirou, Minamoto Kyomaru and Suishinshi Masahide!

Thank you ^^

Hello again!! I'm so happy that you enjoyed the previous ones!! They are always such a blast to write.

TW: violence, blood, burns/scars, S*icide mention

♡ Yagen wouldn't be at your café often but would show up from time to time. Normally when he was with some of his younger siblings (only like two because OH GOD). He would often be busy at the citadel doing any work you assigned him for that day or working on new medicine.

♡ Yagen has rarely any time to take a break. He is very much so a workaholic. You will always see him working on something, so it takes his brothers a lot of begging to get him to stop. When they do, it's to go to the café where you work. A lot of the younger swords miss you a lot when you are not at home.

♡ Yagen will take the chance of coming to visit you as a chance to buy stuff at stories for medicines he is working on or maybe a book to help him study. So often times, they will come into the café with some bags that he bought just before coming in.

♡ He will make sure that his younger siblings don't bother you when you are working! He will buy them a small dessert while ordering some tea for himself. He doesn't want to cause more trouble for you because he knows you are working hard to support everyone at the citadel and really admires you for it.

♡ That being said, he does worry about you a lot. Don't be surprised if you feel eyes on you while you work. As soon as you look over at him, he will advert his eyes and pretend he was just reading. In actuality he was trying to study your body language and facial expressions to make sure you aren't overworking yourself.

♡ They will stay at your café for about an hour, at most. Before he gathers them up and says one last goodbye before taking them home.

♡ When you do get home, you are not allowed to work all that much. He understands you have to do paperwork and assign jobs for the swords but he will make extra sure you are taking breaks and eating properly. So don't be surprised if you see him much more often around you after you get back. He will make sure to bring you tea, snacks, and maybe some sleeping medicine at night if you can't fall asleep.

♡ Customers are relatively patient and understanding, so he often doesn't have to worry all that much when you are working.

♡ So expect a very shocked Yagen walking into the café and seeing hot coffee being poured on you when the customer gets so angry for getting the order wrong. Shock quickly turns into pure anger. He will push his younger siblings away before dashing over to the scene.

♡ Yagen is one of the fastest Tantous. You won't even see him. It will be a blur in front of your eyes before you finally realize that Yagen had just dashed from the door to the other side of the café and right into the man. The man now knocked out, laying against the wall he was just driven into by Yagen.

♡ The anger quickly fades from his face since the man is no longer his concern. His attention is quickly brought over to you, worry on his face and he doesn't even attempt to hide it. His gloved hands with quickly find yours, and guide you quickly to the back to help you.

♡ His siblings will follow the both of you, very concerned about you. Expect Yagen to be very quiet during this time. It will be mostly his younger siblings asking you if you are okay and having small talk to you.

♡ Yagen will hold you very gently as immerse the burns in cool water. His treatment is fast but gentle. He won't look at you in the eyes as he puts on the lotion and bandages the burn. The most he will say will asking his siblings to be a little more quiet and careful around you.

♡ The first time he will look at you will be when he gives you a pill to relieve the pain that you must be feeling. His eyes will still look insanely worried for you and you will see his mouth in a straight line, as if he is holding back emotions. He can't let you or his siblings see him cry.

♡ Yagen had to see many people hurt, almost all of them being people he cares about deeply. Sometimes, they wouldn't make it and break/pass away. He knows you are fully human and a little more fragile than him and the rest of the swords. It is only then, when seeing you hurt, does he realize how terrified he is about losing you.

♡ Yagen had lost his previous master and his mastered used him to die. He doesn't want to lose you too. He is no longer just a blade, he can make sure he can protect you.

♡ After his emotions are more under control, he will declare; "My siblings care about you a lot. All the swords care about you a lot." He will look down as he continues, "I care about you a lot. So get better soon and when situations like that happen and get too dangerous... It's okay to run away and rely on us. It doesn't make you weak. So don't go pushing yourself too far or else I won't forgive you. There is only so much I can help heal..."

♡ When you get home, you will have your own personal nurse around. Yagen will be around much more now. He will make sure you have everything you need and make sure you aren't working too much so your wounds can heal. He is also going to be the sword that is constantly changing your bandages and making sure you are taking your medicine and resting. He isn't going to allow him to back sass him either. You are following HIS orders until you fully heal.

♡ He isn't going to prevent you from working or going back to the café, though. He knows you are responsible and will do what you wish but he wants you to be aware that everyone cares about you and will be there if you need them. As well as not pushing yourself too far.

♡ Minamoto will often times show up at the café! Normally in the afternoon with Suishinshi. Minamoto often challenges poor Suishinshi at the arcade and whoever loses has to pay for the winner's food and drink. Let's just say... Minamoto isn't the one paying often and you see a very angry sword hiding half his face in his collar because of it.

♡ Minamoto thinks it's great that you are working in the café because it seems like something you really enjoy doing! Even if it's stressful sometimes. He honestly wishes he could also work with you and help out around the café but knows that working there is on a strict schedule that he just can't follow due to being a Touken Danshi (sword warrior). He has to be prepared to work around the citadel or go off to missions any moment you say the word. He respects that too.

♡ Doesn't mean he doesn't do his own work though! He actually gets paid to win stuffed animals from claw machines for people and sometimes enters gaming tournaments around the town to try to win some money for you and the citadel. He wants to help too! In his own special way.

♡ Speaking of that, he is very good at claw machines! So if he knows you like a certain animal or character (or maybe he just thinks it's cute), he will win it for you and show it to you when he gets to the café to surprise you and bring up your day! He knows you two can't talk much while you are working but he wants to make you smile any way he can and brighten your stressful day.

♡ Even though he shows up often to the café, he doesn't stay too long. He doesn't want to take up too much of your time when he knows you are busy. He wants to relieve your stress, not add onto it.

♡ Minamoto will try to make you some of the drinks or desserts back at the citadel for when you return! It... does not taste the same. He can make it look pretty! The taste is lacking though. It's the thought that counts. He would love it if you two cook together and you teach him how to make it! Anything to get your mind off work and just enjoy your time away from it. Bonus points if you actually enjoy cooking.

♡ As everyone knows, Minamoto is actually a pretty chill person. He doesn't look for a fight and eager to welcome anyone new and let them know that he respects them. That being said, his emotions sometimes gets the best of him and doesn't want to confront them directly which might come off more passive aggressive.

♡ I bring this up because the side he shows when everything goes down will not be a pretty one.

♡ He will be having a little chat with Suishinshi as they enjoy their drinks (Suishinshi with black coffee where every time he takes a sip, it looks like he is getting hit but he has to look mature. And Minamoto with a very sweet smoothie that could probably rot your teeth if you're not careful) but then will hear the loud commotion coming not too far from them. As soon as Minamoto sees that it's you that is involved, he rushes to get up and protect you. Not wasting any moments and nearly throwing the table on it's side. The drinks that were on it, broken, on the floor.

♡ Even though he rushed, he witnesses you getting the hot coffee poured on you right in front of him. Just a little too slow to get there. Horror will be written on his face as he turns his attention to the man who just did that to you.

♡ Fury. The man lasts no chance before Minamoto has him on the floor and letting his anger get the best of him.

♡ It is Suishinshi that urges you to go into the back with a follow coworker to get your wounds handled. It is also Suishinshi that pulls Minamoto off the customer. The once angry customer is now beaten and bleeding badly. However he is still conscious and rushes to get away from the swords. Suishinshi understands how his friend his feeling but knows that he can't let his anger get the best of him... Not here.

♡ Suishinshi will be the one that goes into the back to see you and take you home. Minamoto will be no where to be found. He has to cool off before he can see you.

♡ You will find him much later, on the rooftop looking at the stars. He will be much more quiet than ever before and won't look at you if you sit next to him. It will take a while before you can hear his voice that sounds stressed, as if not wanting to let more emotions get out.

♡ "You should of ran. You didn't have to take what he was saying... You-" He would pause as he grips his cloak, "You didn't have to see that side of me."

♡ He doesn't mean to blame you and would apologize a lot when he realizes it comes off like that. He knows that it isn't /your/ fault. He has a lot of emotions welling inside of him as he thinks about the incident and now seeing your skin bandaged. He never wanted to see you hurt like that.

♡ If you touch him and get close, everything he was holding back would just break. He would be sobbing into your shoulder as he expressed how he was so scared that he was going to lose you and not protect you. How he wanted to not cause more stress for you but ended up being useless and causing so much more stress and hurt onto you. His hug will be tight but gentle to make sure to not touch any of the wounded areas.

♡ He cares about you a lot that sometimes he doesn't know how to react to some of his more darker emotions. He didn't mean for today to turn out like that. He promises to be better and make sure to never let his anger get the best of him like that again.

♡ Like stated above, Suishinshi comes to the café often with Minamoto! He will often complained that Minamoto dragged him along but in actuality, it was Suishinshi dragging Minamoto. Though, you don't need to know that he misses you often when you aren't in the citadel. He will keep that secret just between him and Minamoto. Minamoto knows not to tease him about it because he will get defensive and just not go, then gets all depressed for not seeing you. So instead, he just smiles and goes along with it. Anything for his best friend.

♡ Suishinshi still often pays for the meals and drinks when they go because Minamoto still brings him along to the arcade. If he wants to see you so bad, he has to play a few rounds with Minamoto.

♡ Although he is often angry about losing, he does cheer up quite a bit when you come over and smile at them before asking for their order. You may even see a small blush on his cheeks that he tries to hide with his collar.

♡ He still orders black coffee even though it is very clear he does not like it, at all. He wants to impress you and show you that he is very mature and can handle bitter foods/drinks! Though you can see Minamoto often laughing at him for trying to drink his cup and making a face each time... HE WILL DRINK IT ALL. He will not back down.

♡ Even after Suishinshi and Minamoto leave after their order, you will find him outside the café around closing time. He will act like he just came back to do some shopping but he will not be holding anything. He is really just looking for an excuse to be with just you and walk you home after work. Don't point it out, he has an image to uphold!!

♡ Will wrap his cloak/jacket around you if it's cold when you both are walking home. "You shaking so much is distracting me, just take it". You won't even be shaking but he will say you were anyway. His cloak/jacket is very warm! Personal heater sword right there. Though he gets cold often but will still want you to swear the cloak/jacket.

♡ Don't be too surprised if you still him glaring at other customers when he is in the café. If he sees anyone looking at you in interest, his eyes are locked on them and he is giving them the death glare. He won't stop until they get the note. If you ask him about it, he will reply very bluntly to you with "I don't like their face."

♡ He can be very rude to those not important to him. Especially those that are trying to do something with his master.

♡ He is trying to get better at expressing his emotions! Emphasis on try. Sometimes when you both just get home and you both are hanging up your coat, hat, and taking off your shoes, he will mutter very softly for you to hear; "Good work today" before running off. You can't even ask what he said or thank him because he is already gone by the time you hear it and look over to him.

♡ He wants you to know that he supports you in everything you do but is really bad at putting that into words. Even worst with confronting you directly about it without running away. Just know that he means it every time he does get it out! He cares about you a lot more than he is able to express.

♡ So when he sees someone causing you trouble in the café one day? Oh no... He doesn't wait and gets up right away. Minamoto is the one that tries to calm him down, saying that aruji (master) can handle it. They are very capable on their own as well! That is the only reason that Suishinshi hesitates for a moment.

♡ But it is in that moment when the situation grows dire and coffee gets splashed onto you. Both swords stand there in shock for a moment before rushing forward. Suishinshi wastes no further moments and quickly knees the customer in the stomach to make them topple over, onto the ground.

♡ However, he doesn't focus on them. Instead, he turns his attention onto you and gently grabs you to rush you into the back. Minamoto is the one that deals with the violent customer (this time a little more calm but still seething).

♡ "It's okay. It's okay.." He will keep repeating as he puts cold water on your burns. You are unsure if he is trying to reassure you or himself. You will see him on the slight panic mode as he tries to help your wounds. Him shaking rather bad and dropping any item he tries to hold and help. A coworker will have to come in and actually help bandage and take care of your wounds as Suishinshi is escorted out to calm down.

♡ As soon as you come out of the room, now bandaged up, you will see him pacing back and forth in the cafe. Minamoto trying to get him to sit down and breathe. As soon as he hears the door open, his eyes shoot over to you and he runs over. Grasping you gently as he starts to go on a tangent.

♡ "A-are you okay? Are you hurt badly? Can you walk? Oh god that was dumb, of course you can. How are your eyes? Can you see? How many fingers am I holding up? Do you remember my name? My liege, do you know how worried I was about you? You shouldn't of..." He would stop and look down at the ground as he tries to catch his breath that he wasn't aware he was holding, "You shouldn't of been the one that got hurt. I should of taken the hit and your pain. I am sorry for failing you as your sword. I have no right to the title of Touken Danshi."

♡ Don't expect to continue working for a while. Suishinshi is normally one to not give affection openly but after that incident, good luck getting rid of him from your side. He will be constantly trying to help you around the citadel and not letting you touch almost anything that could hurt you.

♡ Also expect him to constantly be cuddling with you (if you allow it). It is more for him than you. He wants to make sure he doesn't lose you and protect you.

♡ There will be times where he is cuddling you from behind, with his chin resting on your shoulder and another sword will come in, telling you about missions reports. Suishinshi will be glaring at them from your shoulder. Almost like a feral cat trying to tell people to leave their owner alone.

♡ Suishinshi will say that he won't allow you to go back to work but if you really wanted to, you could. He is just very paranoid of a similar incident happening again.

♡ When/if you do start working again, expect him to be there everyday for the first good while. He won't use Minamoto as an excuse anymore and will just be there by himself. He wants to make sure to protect you! It will take a long time before he will actually distance himself from you and not be at your side all the time. You might have to talk to him to let him know that it will be okay and that it won't happen again. Even then, he will be scared and still show up fairly often. He will break the habit overtime!

#Touken Ranbu #Touken Danshi #Tourabu #Touken Ranbu Headcanons #Touken Ranbu Imagines #Touken Ranbu x Reader #TKRB #TKRB Headcanons #TKRB Imagines #TKRB x Reader #Yagen Toushirou #Yagen Toushirou x Reader #Suishinshi Masahide #Suishinshi Masahide x Reader #Minamoto Kiyomaro #Minamoto Kiyomaro x Reader

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gossipchii · 4 years ago

Text

Drive to survive

FF.net: here / AO3: here

Characters: Ishida Yamato

Words: 5100+

Notes: I promised this on twitter, and here as well and well, it happened. A Digimon story on my latest obsession. the Formula 1.

It’s safe to say I got excited, this is my longest story in forever!

Anyway, hope you like it as much as I do. Enjoy!

He was making history; he could not let himself forget it. Not ever had there been a Japanese driver to win podiums, and so far, during that season only, he had five. He had been working towards where he was right now ever since he was 8, when his dad had taken him to a kid’s go-kart circuit in Tokyo and had found out his heart had never beaten quicker. His mom had gotten scared when he told her how much he had liked it, and that he wanted to go back.

The owner of the place, a former engineer for Formula 1, was impressed as soon as he placed his eyes on him.

“He’s got talent,” he had told his mother, she shrugged it off. It was only a hobby, it had to be.

When his grandparents had gone visiting from Paris, Yamato had insisted on them seeing him race, he was only ten at the time. His grandfather knew he raced go-karts from his calls with his mother, but since she had insisted it was just a hobby, he took it that way. Of course, as an old French man, he was a big afficionado of car races, and nevertheless he was impressed by how fast his young grandson was.

“He’s a natural Natsuko, you must understand this is not just a hobby.”

Yamato traveled back to France with his grandparents, after he had heard them discussed with his mother about him taking a shot at race teams in Europe, professional ones. He had never been a professional before, he was not even sure what that meant, since Formula 1 was not a popular sport between his classmates, it was all about soccer and baseball, he did not know people could get paid by racing.

Michel, his grandfather, had a friend, who knew a friend, who was a part of the recruiting team of Renault’s quarry, and as soon as they saw 10-year-old Yamato behind his tiny wheel, they knew he was a natural, good enough to start training as soon as possible with their team.

It all happened too fast for him, he had to go back to Tokyo to pack up his life and leaving for good. He was not even certain if he were feeling sad or nostalgic, all he knew was school would turn into something he could do at home, and in French, and that he would be racing all the time. It all sounded like a dream, really.

“Don’t tell your grandma I’m telling you this but go kick those English kids’ butts!” had been the encouragement words coming from his grandpa before his first-ever professional race. He was 13 at the time, already gaining enough attention from the media, especially from his home country, despite only stepping foot in Japan once a year.

He tried not to read anything regarding himself, they tended to be mean, and underappreciating him. He knew after the first article he had read, he would never read it again, what was the point anyway?

“Next time I see anyone writing something mean they’ll be fired, even if they work elsewhere,” his dad had threatened.

“It’s okay, I don’t even care anymore. Let them talk, all I care about is getting podium, again.”

And so, he did, until he was old enough to jump to the bigger leagues. From Formula 3 to Formula 2, and finally, with only 21 years old, signing a five-year contract with the team Michel had always admired: Scuderia Ferrari.

Sadly enough, he had not had the chance to see him drive in red, because he had passed away due to a heart-attack, his grandmother passing away shortly after. People said she had died from heartbreak. Yamato only took it as another reason why he had to prove his best. His management team had told him media were already calling him the best Japanese driver in history, and that was nice, but only if he made it reality.

Yamato had helped Ferrari pound back to being the first-place team once again, after years of competing against Red-Bull and Mercedes. But he had only been the fifth best racer, not good enough if he wanted to make history.

That week he was back in his homeland, Japan greeting him as a hero for the Japanese Grand Prix. It was scary how much his face was everywhere he looked, even more so than pop-icons. He was glad his team respected his choice to remain mostly private, and when they wanted advertising, his team-mate, an Austrian dude who was six years older than him, was more than happy to do the interviewing.

It was safe to say he was not pleased when they asked him to do a photoshoot for a local fashion brand, up and coming worldwide, apparently. Yamato did not care much about fashion, despite him being called the best dressed racer a few years in a row. Not that he knew about it, plus he usually put on an all-black outfit and he was through.

“Why can’t Lechner do it?”

“They want you specifically, Ishida.” His manager said softly, “even the Japanese embassy is paying for this partnership. Aren’t you proud to be Japanese?”

“Of course, I am, asshole.” He smirked, rolling his eyes as he decided it was the perfect timing to visit his brother.

As expected, he was on a tight schedule, this could never count as a vacation visit to Japan, but he had asked his team to send him into Japan two days earlier to visit his family. It was a tradition he tended to do ever since he started racing world-wide.

He took his ever-loved motorbike and drove as fast as he could to Odaiba. Driving a motorbike had been what he could call his hobby, since karting had turned into his job, having built a couple of them while living in Italy.

“He better be home,” he stretched his arms as he opened the door in front of him, knowing damn well his brother always made the mistake to leave it unlocked. He heard him singing in his bathroom, which meant he was finishing taking a shower. He looked around to confirm his mother was not home and shrugged it off. He had drifted apart from her when he initially moved to France with his grandparents, and even more so when his parents (finally) got divorced.

“Don’t you dare opening that door if you’re naked.”

“YAMATO?” Takeru opened the door wearing nothing but his tiny white trousers.

“I truly do not feel like seeing you naked,” but of course his younger brother could not care less and ran to greet him with a hug. He was the only person on earth allowed to hug him.

“What a funny way of admitting how much you had missed me!!” He gifted him one of his traded white smiles, the warmest smile Yamato knew. “Nervous for this weekend?”

“As long as it doesn’t rain, I don’t see why I should be.”

“Even when it rains you succeed, you’re always making everyone proud!”

“Even you?” he served himself oolong tea. He was surprised to see beer in his mom’s fridge, forgetting for a second his younger brother was legally allowed to drink.

“You know I’m your number one fan, those old-rich men are nothing compared to the original Yamato Ishida stan!” Takeru walked into his room to get dressed, for Yamato’s relief. He had offered his mother if they wanted to move to a bigger apartment, considering he now had the money to provide her and Takeru with something better, but she had refused, and he gave up after the third time.

“Going out?”

“I was going to, with the good-old gang, but that was before I knew you would pay me a visit.”

“So Hikari and company, I’m guessing?”

“Yeah, even Taichi is coming, you should come, too!” Taichi was his oldest friend, the only one he missed when he moved to Europe.

“Nah, you know I don’t drink.” And it was not merely because of his strict diet, he was not a fan of what alcohol did with his mindset. “But you go and have fun, I must get back to my place, anyway, and be as early as possible in Suzuka tomorrow morning.” Takeru looked disappointed, Yamato felt a pinch of guilt for not being what a fun older brother was supposed to be. “But I’ll text Taichi! Remind everyone they’re invited this weekend, VIP seats and all!”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, brother.” Yamato smiled softly before playing with Takeru’s hair like he used to when they were kids, even if he was almost his height.

He took a chopper ride from Tokyo to Suzuka the morning after. He had much rather taken the train, but Ferrari strictly prohibited him from doing so.

“Are you insane? People would eat you alive, you’re pretty much as famous as Hello Kitty is in this place!” He ignored his comment, it was always annoying to Yamato when they were in Japan, because most of his team-mates were foreign to Japanese culture, and he did not have the patience to educate every single one of them.

It was Thursday, which meant he could do strength exercises before the testing race the next day.

“How’s my superstar doing?” the mere voice of his manager irritated him, but he had another year signed up to him, afterwards he had decided to work by himself. After all, he still had another three-year contract with Ferrari.

“He’s extremely focused,” and he was strength training was the hardest to him.

“Don’t forget you have that photoshoot I had mentioned you in an hour, and I wouldn’t like you to go there all sweaty.”

“Do you think I would forget?” but in fact, he had forgotten it, his mind had probably erased the memory of that specific event.

“I’m glad we’re finally on the same track,” he winked at Yamato, before shutting the door of the hotel’s gym.

Yamato did not have much of a choice, so he took a cold shower before heading to one of the hotel’s meeting rooms. It had all been transformed for it to look like a Sakura garden. In reality, it was October and Sakura’s were far from blossoming. He would be lying if he did not admit it looked rather breathtaking.

He had heard about this up-and-coming brand. They had turned the Japanese typical attire and turned it into mainstream. He had to admit he was a fan.

He had also heard the brand had been started by a young student from Bunka Fashion College, under the wings of a bigger brand. He had heard, not that he cared, really, that the founder was around his age. Suddenly, he was curious.

“Ishida Yamato, what a pleasure to finally meet you!” a man around his thirties greeted him rather enthusiastic.

“You must be…?”

“Oh, you’re a funny one! Yoshio Fujiwara, of course!” And the Fujiwara branding was the bigger one who had taken the young designer under his wings, he wondered where she was.

“Of course, of course,” he bowed, always traying himself to remain close to his Japanese customs and traditions. “A pleasure to meet you, Fujiwara-san.”

“No need to be formal with me, I’m very used to western traditions, having spent most of your life in Europe, I would have killed for an opportunity like that!” Yamato tried his best not to roll his eyes, faking his best smile. “It is our biggest pleasure that you have accepted to be the face of our newest collection.” Yamato saw a petit figure running around the room with pieces of clothing covering her, he wondered if that was Fujiwara counterpart.

“It’s always delightful to put Japan’s name high, you know.” He cleared his voice, “so, am I also going to meet Takenouchi-san?”

“You absolutely will, she must be somewhere around… Sora!?” The fast-paced person finally stopped, uncovering her face from the piles of clothing she was carrying. “Don’t be rude and introduce yourself to Yamato.”

“Sure thing, just let me finish up the final touches and…”

“Now?!” Yamato noticed a subtle sigh coming from her lips. She surely seemed young, barely his own age. For the first time since the encounter started, he felt safe.

She ran right next to him, her attention still clearly on the mess she had left. He could immediately tell how passionate she was about what she was doing.

“It’s a pleasure, Ishida-san. I would love to lie and say I’m a fan, but truth is this is my first time having an encounter with races, or cars in general…”

“Sora! You’re being rude!”

“Sorry, I still take the subway and I never got a driver’s license!” Yamato snorted, in those five seconds he decided that redhead was his favorite person in the room.

“Well, I’m glad to admit this is not my first encounter with your brand, I’ve read so much.” Her eyes lit up; Yamato could have even sworn he spotted a subtle blush in her face.

He was rather awkward in front of the cameras, never quite a natural. Another reason why his team-mate was the one to do most of Ferrari’s advertisements. But Sora helped him feel in his element, somehow. He liked how much she got into her character, almost ignoring him by how much she cared on how her designs looked on him.

“I think we’re good, we shouldn’t take much more of your time.” By then, Fujiwara had left the room, Sora was certain he had slipped into the hotel bar.

“That must have been the less stressful photoshoot I’ve ever had, thank you, Takenouchi-san.”

“Oh, don’t call me that! I’m not older than you are.”

“Then you must accept to drop the formalities with me as well.” A grimaced appeared on her face, clearly unsure.

“But you’re a client, that would be completely unprofessional!”

“I promise I won’t tell anybody,” Sora liked that, a dirty-little-secret.

“Fine, but if Fujiwara is around, I’ll go back in character.”

“Deal,” Yamato grabbed a bottle of water and doubted if he should say what his mind was begging at him to do. “Are you staying for the race?”

“I wasn’t lying when I said I had no idea how this worked.” She shrugged, clearly embarrassed. “I don’t understand why it lasts so many days, it’s confusing. This whole sport is confusing.” Sora liked sports, for instance, sports where a ball had to go from one side of the court to the other, not cars and tires.

“It’s not that hard, you’ll see,” they took a seat on the fake grass Sora had built for the photoshoot. “The first day is merely for us to get familiar with the track, nothing formal. The second day the places for the actual race, which is on Sunday, get settled. And that’s pretty much it.”

“And you get to travel the world for that?”

“People can be very serious about their cars.”

“Incredible,” she locked eyes with Yamato, she was not familiar with his sport but she sure was with his face, and not only because it was everywhere she looked around the city’s billboards, but because she had studied it for the whole photoshoot, and even for the particular line she was about to launch.

“It would be fun if you stayed, some friends around our age are coming too, so it won’t be that weird for you.”

“Okay, but I’ll stay for fun, not as a part of my job schedule.”

“Great!” He said way too enthusiastic, regretting it right away. “I can get you great tickets, so don’t worry about that.” She chuckled, taking out her VIP pass.

“Don’t worry, I have that part settled.”

“Of course, you do,” he felt stupid, all sponsors got the best tickets, even better than he could even get most times.

“So, I’ll see you around? Do you say break a leg for this?”

“Absolutely not! But I appreciate your luck wishes.”

He was glad on Friday’s there was never much of a crowd, that way he could stay focused on what mattered: getting comfortable enough with the track. Whenever he raced, he felt an almost out of body experience, where he could disconnect from his current reality and be one with his car. Ferrari had nicknamed him the racing samurai, for how dramatic his recovering could be whenever he was behind on the race.

Japan had never particularly been the biggest crowd when it came to Formula 1, but ever since he had started getting podiums, and making a name out of himself, it had a 180 degrees change. Ferrari could not be happier with the now 23-yeard-old racer, he was smart, analytic, and cold headed.

When he got back to the Pits, he was greeted by his family, not expecting to see them until the day after.

“You were pretty fast out there!” his dad said, as awkward as he usually was.

“This was merely the boring race, we were just testing the track,” he smiled widely, greeting him by what could be considered a hug, or sort of one.

“But Hiroaki is right, you were extremely fast. That car you’re racing, is a beauty,” seeing his mother was always an adventure for Yamato. Ever since he left home, at such a young age, they had drifted apart. Naturally, she was worried for her older son, racing and putting his life at risk every time he did so. Yamato had heard her fighting with his grandpa countless times, until she finally gave in. She was never going to win, Yamato loved karting the same way she loved writing.

“You were tremendous there, superstar!” his manager came to greet him, as much as he annoyed him, he was not a bad person, he just clearly loved the money Yamato made him gain. “You better keep up the pace the rest of the weekend.”

“That’s the plan,” Yamato served himself a cup of tea, while he took a seat in front of the screen that was studying his track performance. He was nearly obsessed with improving, never not paying attention at even the slightest mistake.

“Before I forget,” his manager was French, and spoke a very heavily accented English. His family, apart from Takeru, barely spoke any English at all, hence why they did not communicate with one another. Yamato despised that, considering he could speak four languages. “Young Takenouchi asked me to give you her number, Romeo.” Yamato’s cheeks flushed, as he took with both hands the business card he was being given.

“I’ll quickly go to my room,” he excused himself with his family, promising he would meet them for a quick dinner.

He wrote and re-wrote his text message towards Sora, not wanting to appear desperate. Formula 1 drivers, at least some of them, had the reputation of being more than successful with the opposite sex, however Yamato was rather unlucky. He put so much effort into his performance inside the track, he tended to neglect everything else. Hence why it felt nice to have a close to normal conversation with someone his age, a woman his age.

“This is Yamato, I heard the rumor you wanted to have my number,” he finally sent, wanting to throw his phone over the window right after.

“How come we spent so much time talking yesterday and I had to ask your manager for your number?” she replied right after, Yamato felt relieved.

“I guess we lost track of time.”

“Hey, I had to come back to Tokyo, business matters. But I’m not one to break any promises, so I hope you still save a seat for me for the big race on Sunday. Did I say that correctly?”

Yamato immediately felt disappointment, but he had to understand he was not dealing with someone unoccupied; this was a young entrepreneur with a worldwide successful fashion brand.

“Are you sure you want to make a four-hour trip to see some car racing?”

“As I said, I’m not a promise breaker. Plus, is not Formula 1 supposed to be the best car racing in the world? I won’t miss it, and I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t worry, and your spot on Scuderia Ferrari will remain untouched.”

“Great, I’m actually pretty excited! You have turned it into such a big deal for the country, I’ve never seen such a media coverage on the sport before. How was the tracking test?”

Yamato’s stomach made a turn. He did not want to focus on the pressure it meant to be in his home country, he just wanted to do what he always did, which meant to give his 100% performance, and get better every time. He just really hoped it would not rain on Sunday…

Him and Sora kept texting for the rest of the day, and the morning after as he got ready for the weekend’s second race. His goal was to qualify on the front row, that was always a determining factor for the final race. His mom had been right when she mentioned his car was a beauty, because it may not be the fastest car, that would still go to Mercedes, but if Ferrari had something no other team could fight with, was beauty.

He was not one to make many friends, but he was always amicable with the rest of the drivers. He saw them more than he saw his family, and even grew up with a big amount of them, but he always tried to focus on what they really were: his competition.

The weather so far had looked hopeful, a rainy race was one of his biggest fears, he had already had more than one rainy accident, and they had been hard to get over. He tried not to put too much thought into it, how he put his life at risk every time he got into the car, because there was no point in doing so, considering he was not going to stop, racing was the most important part of his life.

He got behind his wheel and his team assured his car was ready to go for the last time, and he got into driving mode, forgetting everything else, the pressure, the people, the weather, his friends. He almost disassociated from everything, but the track, and his team speaking whenever there was something to say, like which place he was on at the moment.

He had gotten so used to Ferrari, after being over two years on the team, that he could go as far as to describe its motor as a part of him. The first few laps were always the most stressful ones, and were most of the accidents happened, everyone tried to gain that valuable P1 as fast as possible, but Yamato thought of it as a waste of energy, he would rather stay behind for the first few laps and give it all in after. It had worked for him so far, avoiding the turmoil behind it.

There were 53 laps in the Japanese track, not that he counted them, but he always studied the tracks of wherever he was at. He just focused on staying in track, passing the rest of the drivers and being fast, and his team made sure he did not forget where his position was at the moment, which was a P5, his teammate was currently second. Fifth was not a bad position, it was still second row, but it was not his goal, he truly wanted first row. In the end he had managed to end up fourth, which his team congratulated him for, he still was not happy.

Back in Ferrari’s box, he had a bigger crowd greeting him, not only his parents and brother, but some of his closest childhood friends.

“Man, how does it feel to be able to fly!” Taichi said before giving him a big hug, which Yamato did not mind, he guessed he was also allowed to hug him.

“What I wonder is what that amount of speed can do with your body, I read you lose up to 3 liters every time you race,” Joe patted his shoulder, the soon-to-be-doctor never missed to drop a random anatomy fact on him. “And sorry, but it seems to Koushiro your car’s machinery is way more impressive than you.”

His third friend, a genius redhead, had been talking non-stop with his team’s engineers, asking questions Yamato could possibly never answer.

He spent the next few hours doing interviews, as much as he hated them, it was on his contract to do them before and after every Grand Prix. He also took more time studying his career, and where he could improve. He wanted to get podium on his home country more than he had ever wanted before.

But of course, he also took the chance to spend some time with his loved ones, catching up about their crazy adult lives.

“Koushiro could soon enough buy one of these teams, you know? He’s getting so rich!” Taichi had a big mouth, but they had gotten used to it. And to be fair with his brunette friend, he was not wrong, considering Koushiro’s software startup had gotten public, and the dude was only 22.

“And Jou’s about to be a doctor, and you, well, you didn’t get kicked out of Uni!” They all laughed, Taichi rolled his eyes. Yamato had gotten so comfortable with their conversation, he got scared when his phone began ringing.

“Yes?”

“Guess who’s just landed in Suzuka!” it was Sora, his heart skipped a beat. “I’m glad I made it a few hours before I had promised, I truly didn’t want to miss tomorrow’s race.”

“Where are you exactly? You should come join us! I’m at Ferrari’s tent with some childhood friends, I mean, if you’re not too tired.” His friends started yelling embarrassing things to him, as friends did whenever you spoke on the phone with someone, even if that someone was your own mother. Except, of course, it was not his mother.

“Great! I’ll ask the driver to drop me off.”

They spent the next few hours chatting, and laughing, and making fun of Yamato with embarrassing stories Sora was rather intrigued to keep on listening. Of course, Sora had hit it off with his friends, she was a great talker, they all had liked her, he could tell, especially with Koushiro, considering the man was the clearest book when it came to first impressions. He felt disappointed once he checked his watch to confirm it was time for him to go to bed, the big day was closer than ever.

Suzuka was one of the last races on Formula 1’s schedule, which meant every single point counted even more. He was disappointed when he checked the weather, there was a rain forecast, but there was nothing he could do, he still was willing to give the best race he had given in his career span. His friends and family wished him the best of luck, just as he dressed up in the famous red suit.

He had never felt this overwhelmed before, as soon as he stepped a foot outside of Scuderia Ferrari’s box, the crowd chanting his name was like nothing he ever heard before. He bowed shyly, turning the shouts even louder. Fame had never been something he had been looking for once he started racing in Formula 1, but he thought at the end of the day it was only inevitable. He really wanted to make his co-nationals proud.

P4 was not a bad place to start racing, yet he could hear his heart beating up to his ears. A rainy race was always messy, and there was always a bigger risk for accidents, not just for him, but for the other racers as well. He had to drive smartly; speed was not all that mattered in that moment.

His eyes were fixated on the checkered flag, as soon as it went down, his feet went all in. Suzuka’s Grand Prix finally starting.

As it was expected, some cars lost control on the very first curve, him being noticed by his team on the other side of the microphone. He hoped nothing bad had happened to them. On a rainy race it was important to have extra control while reaching a curve, and absolutely never trying to overpass another racer while on them.

By lap 30 he had improved to P3, the engine of the previous third place had had some issues, which pushed him into the pits. The Ferrari engine had significantly been improved for the current season, and it showed. It had been a while since the red team had had both of their cars in podium position, and he was doing quicker laps than the last year’s race.

Everything appeared to be going according to plan, Yamato wanted to win, of course, but he was not unhappy with the third place. Yet, the unthinkable happened on lap 49, when his teammate lost control of the steering wheel. It all happened so quickly, Yamato could barely avoid the inevitable crash, which was bad enough for them to call a red flag, every racer had been sent back into pits.

His teammate had been fine, he could even walk by himself; however, his car could have been confused with garbage. A shame, really, everything had been better than what they could have imagined. Now every podium expectation fell on his shoulders, and he could hear the public screaming his name even louder, as if he was some sort of rock star.

“Only 4 laps left, you can do it,” and he was now put in second place, a bittersweet feeling inside his gut.

The final lap felt like the longest he had driven, all he truly wanted was for it to end. He was less than two seconds away from the first place, which his team kept repeating. He knew he could do it, if he tried and overtake him near the end, right after the final curve… And so, he did, winning a podium for the first time in his short Formula 1 life career. He had not done it for himself only, but for Lechner as well. It felt insane, he was no longer feeling the ground, he was still flying somehow.

Champagne soaked him as soon as he stepped out of the car, being hugged by everyone on the famous red car team. He was not easily to make cry, but he could not help the tears coming out, and he wished, if he were ever going to cry again, it better be as good of a feeling as he finally lifted the trophy for Suzuka’s Grand Prix.

#fanfiction #digimon adventure #fanfic #ishida yamato #yamato ishida #formula 1 #formula one #sorato #sora takenouchi #takeru takaishi #taichi yagami #jou kido #koushiro izumi

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purplesurveys · 4 years ago

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Who are you subscribed to on YouTube? Oh man, I’m probably subscribed to over a hundred, if not 200. I’ve subscribed to channels relevant to interests I’ve had over the years, and since it’s not my habit to do spring cleaning on my feeds, the subscriptions have just keep piling up even if I no longer keep up with literally like 98% of them.

Do you like to go to the farmer's market? I don’t think I’ve ever been in one yet. They aren’t very common here and the ones we do have are pricey and mostly inaccessible to the everyday consumer, I’m sure.

What will (or was) the color of your wedding dress be? I wouldn’t want any other color than white.

What's your favorite melon? I don’t like fruits.

What was the name of the last pet of yours that died? Arlee. Technically my family mostly considered her as just Nina’s pet, but the sting was felt all the same when we learned she died.

When was the last time you wished the day would just get over with? Yesterday, because it was Friday. Pretty self-explanatory, I wanted to get to the weekend so I can finally let go of work for a couple of days.

Name one person you've never had a fight with: Andi. I think we’re both afraid of pissing the other off, which works out for us lol.

What are you currently listening to? I can just hear the really loud whirring of my electric fan because it’s a grossly humid day today.

What would you rather have: cat or dog? Dogs.

Who is your least favorite person in real life? I have a lot of uncles I just don’t like.

Do you ever watch anybody's live stream of... anything, really? Technically, yeah. I will sometimes tune in to livestreams of lofi music on YouTube, but I do it to listen, not to watch.

Does your house have security cameras? No.

If you go grey as you age, would you dye your hair or let it be? I think I might dye it for a certain period of time, but I also think I would eventually reach the point where I’ll just accept it and slowly let go of the dye.

What was the last establishment you stopped going to due to bad service? What happened? I haven’t run into much bad service, but I’ll never forget how long my order and bill took for Mad Mark’s. I never really vowed per se to never go back there again and I definitely didn’t confront the staff, but I haven’t eaten there since that incident.

What soundtrack do you listen to the most? Not a big soundtrack listener.

Was there a family secret you weren’t told about until you were an adult? Nah, they’re kept from us until now. The biggest one I’ve heard about was having a kleptomaniac in the family but we were never told who it is.

Do you have an opinion most people you meet seem to disagree with you? Yeah, my dislike for fruits.

What’s something you like to have many options to choose from? Clothes, I guess, like bucket hats. I don’t shop a lot and clothes aren’t a priority in my budget, so when I do pick out clothes, it has to be exactly what I want so that I don’t feel it was a waste of money.

What’s the strangest decorative object you own? We have several quirky, disconnected decor in the living room from gifts we’ve acquired over the years. One object I can tell you about is the polar bear glass figurine we have on the coffee table.

What’s a thing you couldn’t imagine doing with your life right now? Dating around.

What’s been your proudest moment? Managing to stay alive this year and turn my life around for the better when I thought there was no hope.

What’s the filthiest non-pornographic movie you’ve seen? Eyes Wide Shut, probably.

Do you know anyone who doesn't seem to be fond of animals? I don’t think so. Like any animal...? I would find that quite odd, honestly. And I wouldn’t want to be friends with them if we weren’t already close .

Are you planning any outings or trips anytime soon? Whereabouts? No, nothing set in stone. I do want to fly out to South Korea soon, though.

Do you know anyone who has a phobia of a certain animal? I know a few people who are afraid of dogs.

Is there a particular brand of technology/electronics that you prefer? Yeah, Apple.

Is there a singer whose voice gives you goosebumps/chills? Hayley Williams and Jin, especially when he’s belting; and I don’t listen to her much, but I find that Billie Eilish has a unique voice that sounds really nice.

And is there a singer whose voice you simply can't stand? Selena Gomez for some of her songs, Meghan Trainor for most of her songs.

Are there any authors that are particularly dominant on your bookshelf? No.

Have you seen any photographs or videos that made you smile today? Sure.

Which item in your fridge are you most looking forward to consuming? My aunt sent over this gigantic-ass slab of salmon that I can’t wait to eat as sashimi. I already had a few pieces last night and it was hea ven ly.

Has anyone you know got into a new relationship lately? Hmm, I don’t think so. I know my coworker Dev got into a relationship a few weeks ago but it fizzled out as soon as it started because the guy was shitty.

If you menstruate, do you experience much PMS prior to it? Only on the emotional side; I rarely get physical symptoms. I usually feel down or emotionally heavy a few days before my period.

Have you ever had a tattoo covered up or added to? No, I don’t have any tattoos. Can you remember the last time you had a sudden change of mind? Hmm, like last night. I wanted to stay up to maximize the weekend, buuuut I decided against it and slept instead since I had been up since 2 in the morning.

When was the last time you did something on a whim? Two weeks ago when I impulsively dropped a thousand bucks to have cheese tarts delivered to Angela and Reena, hahaha.

Were you raised by both of your parents? If not, then who raised you? My mom, grandma, and one of my aunts were the main people who raised me. Dad works overseas, so he was never at home much.

Have you ever began a relationship with someone you knew for less than a week? No, I wouldn’t do that.

Has one of your friends ever tried to ‘hook you up?’ Mik tried to pair me with one of his friends just days before I finally implied on social media that I was no longer in a relationship. It was a cool ego boost but I declined, since my emotions were still super turbulent then. Andi tried to initiate sex with me once too, but I also declined.

What is your card game of choice? I hate card games; I can never seem to understand them lmao, though that’s really more of a me problem than anything else.

What is your favourite books series? Growing up, I really loved the Septimus Heap series. But the thing about it was that I got into it while the series was still ongoing; and with how bad my attention span is, I always forgot the events/plot whenever the newest book came out.

So whenever that happened I had to read the entire series from Book 1; eventually the number of books I had to reread/revisit became too many (it was a seven-part series) and I simply just lost the time to read and I never got to know about the conclusion.

Do you prefer landmarks or street names when being given directions? Street names – more precise. Landmarks to me can be pretty subjective – a green building might look blue to me, and I could just end up being lost.

Do you read the prologues in the beginnings of books? Sure.

What was your favourite gym class moment? If I genuinely like or already play the sport that was being taught. That’s why PE table tennis was a lot of fun for me.

Do you think that ocean boardwalks are fun? I’ve never been on one but I imagine they are fun, yeah.

Do you dread when people ask you to sign their yearbooks? That’s not a tradition here.

Do you have a favourite Scooby-Doo movie? No. I was too young for Scooby-Doo in a sense that I do remember watching the movies as a 3/4 year old as they were kept on in the background at home, but I didn’t get any of the plots/didn’t really appreciate the films.

Do you think it’s cute when toddlers try to run away and fall down? Sometimes, yeah. If the fall looked nasty I would obviously be concerned.

Do you enjoy listening to your grandparents tell stories of their past? Honestly, only one of my grandparents would be the type to do this but he’s been dead for six years now. It’s a big shame he passed before I could bond with him the way I had always wanted to. My three other grandparents are either too closed off or too quiet to share stories from their youth.

Do you have a crush on someone? Nah, nothing more than a celebrity crush.

If so... what does his/her name begin with?

What attracts you to them?

Do they know that you like them?

If they don't know, why didn't you tell them?

Name two people that you miss: Angela and Laurice.

Have you ever seen Titanic? More times than I can count. I’m sure I memorize like 80% of the script, too.

Have you ever swam with dolphins? No. I’m not so sure if I’ve seen dolphins, either. Maybe I have? Or maybe I’m confusing it with whales...idrk.

When was the last time you had a stomachache? Wednesday.

What's going to bed early for you? 11 PM or midnight.

Do you want to have a big family in the future? I used to, but I don’t think that’s the future I want anymore. One or two kids should be okay.

What was the last thing you did that gave you a rush? Technically speaking, an orgasm, I guess?? Lmao idk

Favorite Nicholas Cage movie? I don’t think I have one.

Have you had your Covid vaccine yet? Which one, if you have? Yeah, I’m fully dosed. Sinovac.

If you've had your vaccine, did you experience any side effects? I was suuuuuuper tired right after my first dose and I wanted to be knocked the fuck out, but I went right back to work after the shot because I am allergic to filing leaves hahaha. Second dose went smoothly.

What's the next item of clothing that you intend to buy for yourself? A bucket hat or maybe one of the Fila x BTS shirts because the collection is actually quite cute!

What Facebook groups have you found the most helpful? I join Facebook groups to be entertained, not because I actively look for advice.

Do you like your butt? Why or why not? Yeah. It...has a good form hahahahahaha.

Have you ever personally been a victim of homophobia? Yes, a few years ago I went to a food park with my ex-girlfriend. I was already not feeling my best that day to begin with, so having to see an old woman stare daggers at us for what felt like years really stung. I felt small under her look and almost cried, but in the end I felt angry that I momentarily felt shame about my relationship. I decided to just piss the woman off on purpose and do PDA right in front of her.

Do you think you’d be happier if you had a pet? I have two dogs at present and I know they make me extremely happy.

Who was the last person you went on a date with? Gabie.

Were you ever hospitalized as a little kid? No. The first and only time I was hospitalized (other than being birthed), I was about 12, I think.

What’s your favorite way to curl your hair? I don’t do that. I rarely style my hair.

At what age did you start swearing? I was 11.

What is something you physically can’t do? Ride a bike.

What do like better, apples or oranges? I don’t like any fruits; but in terms of flavored stuff, I like orange-flavored food, especially chewy candy, slightly more.

Around the holidays, do you hope for snow? Well, no.

What are your top two favorite bands? Paramore and Against Me!

How many people do you 100% trust? There are a handful. I generally trust easily just because I like to believe all people are kind and loyal – but I can also take it away in the snap of a finger.

Do you care what others think about you? Not so much.

Has anyone ever called you a bitch? Sure.

Did you watch Teletubbies when you were younger? Yeah but just super super faint memories. It wasn’t one of my main shows.

Do you have any licenses other than your driver's license? I don’t.

Could you live the rest of your life without eating meat? I doubt it. I could try, but I think I’d get cranky and start looking for meat way earlier than I would like to admit.

Have you ever had a rolling backpack? Yup, if you mean a stroller. I think I’ve answered this on a previous survey.

Did you make any money today? No, because it’s a weekend. What was the highest place you've ever jumped from? Nothing dramatically high. I’ve had acrophobia-themed nightmares in the past, so even though I don’t actually have a fear of heights, the idea of jumping from a high place still makes me antsy.

Have you ever gone swimming in a river? Not that I can recall.

What was the last souvenir someone got you? I dunno if it counts but Andi bought merch from the AEW shop but made sure to also get a CM Punk sticker set for me :(

Do you have a favorite remix of a song? Remixes have never been my thing. What do you think is the most saddest sounding instrument? Piano.

Do you really pay attention to the ratings on movies? Yeah they can definitely affect the level of appreciation I hold towards a film. For instance, if I genuinely enjoyed a movie only to find out it has average to bad reviews, it invites me to think more critically about the movie.

Do you have a favorite species of wild cat (tiger/lion/cougar/etc.)? No.

If you had $500,000, what would you do with it? Give half to my parents and let them do whatever they wish it. With the remaining P12,500,000, I’d probably get myself my own condo and have it fully furnished, then get braces, then get a new phone and laptop. I’ll have a bunch of money still left, I’m pretty sure – the rest of it I’ll save.

Did the last person you touched lips with have a kid? No. I mean, I have honestly no clue what’s going on in her life now, but I know she doesn’t want kids so this is very unlikely.

"First loves are never really over." Is this true for you? It’s true in a sense that she left me a lot of trauma and self-esteem issues that will irrevocably always be a part of me now even though I’ve worked hard to resolved most of them by myself.

Did you like Michael Jackson before he died? Yes, because he has always been my favorite singer’s role model.

What are some things that would make you break up with someone? I don’t know how to answer this question, honestly. All the red flags were thrown and tossed and slapped into my face and down my throat for six years yet I never left. I don’t actually know what my limits are, and I believe it’s because my coping mechanism has to just accept things and suck them up no matter how bad they get. That’s what I’m trying to change for myself now.

What was the worst breakup you've ever had? I’ve had two breakups with the same person, and the second one was worse.

#survey #surveys

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xillveart · 5 years ago

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Ancient Soul

Time Travel, Quirkless, Feudal Japan AU

“Your soul does not belong here.” Those were words you never thought that you would hear. Now, thrown into the past in feudal Japan, you must find a way to survive, all while struggling to avoid the growing feelings for one hot-headed war general. War, romance, death and love drive you forward, to find the place where your soul truly belongs.

Bakugou Katsuki x Fem!Reader

Want to start from be beginning? Check the Ancient Soul tag. New chapters released every Wednesday as long as schedule permits.

Genre: Romance / Angst Story Rating: Explicit | Adult Themes, Sex, Death, Depictions of Violence, Alcohol

Chapter 13: Stranger

Chapter Rating: Teen | Cursing Words: 1992

You and Kirishima walked around the outskirts of the palace at a slow and lumbering pace, your horses easily able to walk through the snow that covered the ground. There was nothing but silence around you, just the wind and rustling of branches, occasionally accompanied by a snort or huff from Yonaka. The brilliant black horse had truly become a comfort to you, finding that just getting to ride him even for a moment calmed your nerves. He was the only horse that you were allowed to ride anyway, since he would refuse to go even a step out of bounds without Bakugou or Tsuyu being present. You wouldn’t even attempt to run at this point anyway, not with the freezing weather or Bakugou’s right hand man watching your every move.

The redhead seemed quite relaxed, even if he did have his weapon at the ready, his white and brown freckled horse following every silent command or gesture. Eventually, Kirishima couldn’t help himself and he just had to talk, pulling your gaze away from the forest beside you. “This snow is really starting to fall, isn’t it? The clouds are dark!”

“Yes, there might be a storm coming soon. Don’t worry, Kiri, we’ll go inside after this last stretch.” You found it difficult to even find the energy to talk, unsure if it was the cold or how heavy your emotions were. It felt as if there were weights on your shoulders, crushing you to the point that your chest would surely collapse. “This little walk has helped me… Thank you.”

“No need to thank me, [L/N]! I haven’t really done anything to help, I just didn’t want you to be out here by yourself.”

“That’s more important than you know… I--”

Suddenly, you found yourself unable to speak as you saw a figure in the distance, seemingly walking towards you. It was odd to see anyone out here walking, as you were currently behind the palace closer to the mountains on an unused path. Were they a villager that was lost, or perhaps someone that did maintenance on the wall? You hadn’t seen anything wrong on your small venture, but there could have been something you missed while in a daze.

Noticing the person as well, Kirishima spurred his horse to walk a bit faster, to where he was right beside you instead of behind. You could feel an uncomfortable tension, as he must have thought the wanderer was odd as well, but you decided to stay quiet for the time being. That is, until the stranger grew closer. Instantly, you noticed the mask he wore, which highly resembled… a beak. It covered only his nose, mouth and chin, curving down with a unique and ornate pattern. It immediately made you think of the plague doctors from a different time in a completely different country, and you found yourself highly curious.

Was this man another traveler just like you? How could he possibly be using that particular style in this era, when there were no resources that proved their existence? At least, there hadn’t been any that you had ever seen, but spending time racking your brain for information wasn’t something you cared to do. All you wanted to do was talk to him, even if Kirishima would try and stop you.

Just as the man began to pass you both, you pulled on Yonaka’s reigns to stop him. “Excuse me?” Ignoring the way that Yonaka snorted in annoyance at being stopped, you gazed down curiously at the man beside you, who had looked up at you out of the corner of his eye. His yellow gaze was nearly piercing, filling you with a sense of fear that you couldn’t quite understand. Still, you persisted, swallowing the fear down. “I just… your mask is very interesting.”

“Ah, you think so?” Nearly instantly, the man's demeanor changed, relaxing his shoulders as he smiled at you with his eyes. Reaching up, he ran a gloved finger down the curve of the beak, before tapping against it softly. “You are kind, miss! Most people are frightened of it.”

“May I ask where you got it from? Or… if you made it?”

The man gave a soft ruffle to his short dark brown hair, which was quite messy already. “It was made for me long ago. Unfortunately, that place no longer exists.”

“I see…” For a moment, you let your eyes glance over the stranger's body, noticing that he was quite nicely dressed in dark purple and black robes, even with some type of white fur around his shoulders. You assumed that either he was wealthy or some type of performer, but nothing about the way he dressed matched either description fully.

“What is it for?” Kirishima was the next to ask a question, either being curious or wanting to make his presence known. “It’s very peculiar and unnatural.”

“Ah, you know…” Shrugging casually, the man turned his yellow gaze towards Kirishima, seemingly quite calm. “I have a few reasons. Mostly, because I hate human filth.” His voice becoming dark, you instantly felt your stomach swell nervously, clutching onto Yonaka’s reins tightly. You could hear Kirishima shift nervously as well, but before the redhead could interject, the stranger continued.

“It’s odd to see you out here as a chaperone for [L/N] like this… Red Dragon Kirishima Eijirou.” The yellow gaze moved back to you, and just like before, you could feel it pierce through your flesh like a blade. “She must be valuable… and important to General Bakugou.”

With a click of his tongue, Kirishima reached across and took the reins from you, spurring both horses to begin trotting off. In shock, you could only stare back at the stranger, forcing yourself to turn forward as he gave you both a casual wave in farewell. “K-Kiri, what was that--”

“Be quiet. Please.” Kirishima shushed you, also taking a quick glance back to make sure you weren’t being followed. “That man was trouble. How he knew our names is dangerous. I’m going to have to report this… There must be a spy or informant in our ranks.”

Following direction to keep silent, you clutched onto Yonaka’s saddle tightly to keep yourself balanced. Even if you had wanted to talk, there was no way you could gather your thoughts and questions enough to be coherent. How had that man known your name? Where did he get that mask from? Was he also from a different era? Why was he here in the first place? Was it… for you?

“Damn it…” Kirishima cursed out softly, slowing both horses down as you approached the entrance to the palace. “We didn’t get his name… How are we going to explain this?”

…

“How could you do something so stupid!? I thought I told you not to converse with anyone outside of the palace without my permission! And you!” Bakugou turned his anger to Kirishima, who was standing silently beside you as you both suffered through the scolding. “You let her!”

“It seemed harmless at first, she didn’t give her name or any information about herself. All she did was ask about his mask. He already knew her name before that.” Kirishima frowned as he tried to explain it all, defending you to his fullest. “We have more to be worried about right now. We need to figure out how he knew her.”

With a frustrated sigh, Bakugou reached up and ran his fingers through his hair, glaring down at your confused and guilty form. Yes, you had gone against one of his biggest rules and you should have known better. But you were on Kirishima’s side with all of this. How did that man know you? And what was worse, were you going to be treated with suspicion again, just like when you first arrived? Were your privileges going to be taken away?

“Did you know him, Demon?”

“No.” You did your best to sound confident, knowing any little waiver in your voice could be dangerous. “I didn’t know him. I was just curious about his mask… It was so odd. I don’t know how he knew me.”

“No one has ever done this to you before?”

“No one.”

With a click of his tongue, Bakugou walked away, beginning to pace as he thought. After a moment, he stopped and sat down at his table, rubbing his left temple. “We will have to do some investigating to see if there is a spy or informant for the enemy here. But until we find out, you can’t go anywhere, Demon. You stay in the palace and don’t leave the center boundaries unless you are with someone.”

“But… the courtyard and library are--”

“I don’t care. Do you really want to put your life and safety at risk for some books and a damn fish?” When his question was met with silence from you, he shook his head and waved you off with a flick of his wrist. “I thought so. Go to your quarters and stay there until Tsuyu comes to find you. Kirishima, write down everything that happened…”

As Kirishima left your side, you were effectively cut out of the conversation, which was tense and heavy. You knew that this wasn’t the time to pry, nor was it the time to pout about being excluded, so you did as you were told. You left, without another peep or glance from the two men, and made your way down the halls. It was a slow and lonely walk, with only the wind to keep you company. Over the minutes that passed, it began to howl, whipping about and disturbing your clothing and hair. It perfectly matched the swelling emotions inside of you, fighting with yourself over everything that had happened that day.

You felt sad. Alone. Foolish. Angry. Homesick. Anxious. Longing. All these things were near suffocating you, blinding you to everything in your path, until you found yourself a bit… lost.

How far had you wandered? You had sworn that you were heading in the correct direction, but now, everything was unfamiliar. The darkening storm and powerful winds were making it difficult for you to really see, so out of fear, you turned to go back the way you had come and find some proper direction.

What you hadn’t expected was a body to be blocking your path, your downcast eyes locked onto vaguely familiar dark purple robes.

“You seem a little lost, [L/N]. Can’t find your way without a GPS, hm?”

A gasp leaving your lips, you looked up at the person before you, shocked to see that familiar form of a beak and piercing yellow eyes. Stumbling back a bit, you clasped your hands together tightly at your chest, waves of excitement and fear crashing over your body to make you tremble. “W-what? How do you know that? Who are you?”

Without answering, the stranger from the road held up a gloved fist, keeping it tightly closed with his palm facing up, right in front of your face. You wanted to run, to yell or do anything to get away, but your body just would not move. This person knew what had happened to you, and you thought that just maybe, he could help get you home.

“P-please…” You whispered, barely audible against the howling wind. “Can you get me home?”

“There is no way to return home. It’s been ten years and I’ve accepted that fact. So should you.”

As his words filled you with dread, the hand in front of you opened, revealing a white powder that was instantly displaced by the wind. Swirling in the air, you had no chance to protect yourself before it rushed into your face, making your eyes instantly burn and your head swim violently as you inhaled it with a gasp.

The last thing you saw was that ice-cold yellow gaze, before your entire world went black.

#bnha imagines #bnha scenarios #bakugou x reader #bakugou #katsuki bakugou #bnha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #bnha fanfiction #fanfiction #bnha writing blog #xreader #personal #ancient soul

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gra-sonas · 5 years ago

Note

Not to disagree with the previous post but in defense of Vlamburn both of them and Carina have been upfront and honest that Malex wont be a thing in season 2 they haven't mislead us there if anything does happen they clearly want it to be a surprise I think we are lucky they post things and interact with fans like they do so many actors get scared off by fans and stop posting fan content or content with each other all together I think in this case anything they post is for fun

Oh, absolutely. I didn‘t mean to imply we've been promised Malex in S2 and won’t get it (and I don’t think I did? 😯). No one promised us anything like that. Personally I no longer expect Malex to happen (as in 'getting together'/entering a relationship) this season either, not with Alex's love interest still around for the finale.

I think at this point, many of us are - regardless of what we wish would happen in the upcoming season - mostly anxious about Malex beyond S2.

Anxious that Malex'll always be teased in some way (in addition Vlamburn'll continue doing their thing, and inadvertently fuel our expectations), but the show won’t follow through and continue to dangle the ship like a carot in front of us until the last season.

I think it’s a valid fear, since pretty much every queer ship has experienced being a carot, and we‘ve often been betrayed in that the carot was either taken away before we were able to reach it, or we only got to nibble for a second.

Carina‘s said Malex's story's a journey 'from darkness to light', and she's asked us to be patient, but she’s also said she can’t and won’t promise us a happy ending. Knowing that, I think it’s understandable that people are worried and not everyone feels like they can just lean back and enjoy the ride.

I mean, it’s obviously impossible for Carina to see the future, and regardless of what she has in mind for Malex, unforeseen things can happen that would make it impossible for her to deliver a happy ending. Insofar her 'warning' that she can’t promise a HEA makes sense.

Unforeseen circumstances aside (no point in dwelling on what ifs), I’m still very anxious tho. I‘m worried things will get dragged out until the last moment, and I think that’s a fear many of us share. I know this is TV (and The CW at that), and yet I can’t help but wish for once they’d handle things differently and won’t string us along until the last moment.

Regardless of my worries, I very much appreciate what the actors and Carina share with us, and I hope they'll never be discouraged to do it. ❤️ That'd be a shame.

I just wish there was a better understanding on their end, why so many of us care so deeply about this ship (there’s still so little queer representation on TV and in media in general, let alone good queer rep, we don’t get served queer content left and right like we’re in Gay Paradise) , and that we're not just a bunch of thankless and entitled assholes demanding things to go our way.

What we’re asking for is believable queer rep that goes beyond tired tropes (like love triangles and several seasons of will-they-won‘t-they...).

What we hope and ask for is to see a queer relationship on screen (one between two men dealing with severe trauma, PTSD, addiction and so on), and not just the way leading up to it. Malex getting together wouldn’t magically make things easy between them, they wouldn’t be happy 24/7, and therefore their relationship wouldn’t be boring either.

Writing Malex in a relationship would obviously require more work than just hiring new love interests for either of them each season (while they keep pining for each other), but it'd be much more satisfying to watch, and also mean a lot more in regards to queer rep on screen.

Ugh, sorry, I got carried away during my lunch break. I think we’re all mostly on the same page tho. 💚👽

#nonnie asks

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aliceslantern · 5 years ago

Text

Retribution, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic, chapter 13

Newly a person again, Ienzo is weighed down by guilt and his humanity. He's prepared to do whatever it takes to atone... only to find unexpected solace in a familiar face. With more insight into the bonds between people than ever before, Ienzo reaches for a dangerous element from the past to help Kairi and Riku in their search for Sora. What is his life if it means saving another, brighter light?

Zemyx, background Sokai, post Re:Mind

Chapter summary: Ienzo begins to have doubts about his conviction to save Sora, and tries to find its origin.

Read it on FF.net/AO3

---

“...Do you have a moment?”

Aeleus looked up from the puzzle he was working on. “I was looking for a way to fill my time,” he said. He gestured to the seat across from him.

He and Dilan shared common spaces in their apartment. The furniture was comfortable, broken in. Aeleus seemed to be growing some flowers and herbs in a small planter box; Ienzo went over to examine them. “It’s you that’s been working on the gardens,” he said, with realization.

“I like making things grow,” he said simply. He put another piece down onto the table in front of him. “What is it on your mind?”

“I suppose I wanted a more… objective opinion, on something.” Ienzo sat down. “Aeleus, has your heart ever told you with certainty to do something?”

He set aside his puzzle. He, too, looked odd without the frame of his uniform. “Why is it you ask?”

“I thought my heart was telling me I needed to save Sora, and do whatever it would take.” He touched his breastbone, which was still a bit too touchable despite all his attempts to eat enough. “But lately, I’ve had… doubts, in that conviction. Namely, that I am violating nature. And is that not what I’ve done before?”

“What we’ve done, you mean.” He sighed. “Tea?”

“...Please.”

A few minutes later Aeleus handed him a ceramic mug that smelled of jasmine. He sat on the couch across from Ienzo’s chair. “How do you feel when you think about it?” he asked.

“About what?”

“Doing this.”

“I’m afraid as of late my gut hasn’t been very reliable. The anxiety,” he explained, at Aeleus’s baffled expression. “Even with the medication I’ve been given, it’s hard to tell what is purely stress and what is a warning from myself. All it does… is make me feel sick. I…” He looked at his one hand, the veins visible in the early afternoon light. “I had thought at first that it would be worth it, to sacrifice myself for him. But this is bigger than just me. This is… Kairi, too.” He bit his lip. Aeleus’s expression was mostly stoic, aside from a quickly-masked flicker Ienzo thought was concern.

“You started to see yourself as having worth,” he said softly. “And now you have things to live for, aside from the guilt.”

“Well… yes. I wish to… be with Demyx, more than anything. But it goes and goes in circles, Aeleus.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Kairi feels this way for Sora. The thought of doing purely nothing when I can make change is…” Ienzo bit his lip. “It’s abundantly clear that our scientific research is getting nowhere and will get nowhere. It’s been almost a year. I--”

Aeleus stirred his tea. “Have you considered,” he began, “that perhaps this is not your responsibility? Sora made this choice knowing the price. He would not want you to risk yourself for him.”

“I… I know. But I… I owe him for… if not for the experiments, for what I explicitly asked for, none of this would have happened.”

“Xehanort manipulated you,” Aeleus pointed out. “You were… how old, Ienzo? Six, seven? He asked you to do that and made you think it was your idea.”

Ienzo was shaking. He could feel tears in his eyes. “And what of what I did after?”

“What of what I did? Of Ansem or Even or Demyx? We’ve all done awful things.” He reached over and squeezed Ienzo’s hand. “Ienzo. There are other ways of atoning.”

“But he’s lost,” he said. “Lost, and alone, and--”

“Sora will find his way home if he’s meant to. If that never happens… we must grieve, and move on, and stop trying to force the impossible. All that will do is hurt all involved. Don’t you think?”

The tears ran over.

“Whatever you decide, Ienzo, I will support you completely. But are you doing this to save Sora, or to save yourself?”

The realization was rattling him, yet it was so obvious. “I… I’m not sure.”

Aeleus handed him a cloth napkin for his face. “Think about it,” he said. “Though I must admit my bias and say… I don’t wish for you to leave this life. And perhaps that is selfish. I have so much to make up to you, Ienzo.”

He sniffled. “Like what?”

“If I had done a better job protecting you--”

“...I’d still be Zexion. That’s not necessarily a good thing. I just don’t want this suffering to be in vain.”

“It won’t be,” Aeleus said. “We’ll make sure of that.”

---

Every time Ienzo tried to think about it, it gave him such intense anxiety his heart would palpitate. He turned his focus instead to Demyx, to the bits of life that he wanted. Ienzo was by his side as he finally got his back taken care of, and the few days they spent together as Demyx rested were very nearly happy. Ienzo enjoyed the excuse to nurture him. He hadn’t realized just how much time they spent having some kind of sex until they temporarily couldn’t. All the more reason to encourage what was below that to grow.

(But wouldn’t that be sadistic, should he go through with this?)

Don’t think about that, Ienzo.

“I don’t know how you put up with this,” Ienzo said to Demyx. His bed was uncomfortable; even in the few minutes Ienzo had been lying next to him, his bones started to ache. He could feel the springs acutely.

“Eh, could be worse.” His hair was loose against the pillow, making him look like someone else. “What’s worse than the bed is having all this time to think. Can’t really play music when I’m supposed to be laying down. Which narrows my options.”

“...I don’t like thinking either.”

Demyx scoffed. “Aren’t you a scholar?”

“Yes, but lately my thoughts are so… messy.”

“Being human is a mess.”

“That is true, isn’t it?” He propped himself up on an elbow. “Messy… unexpected. Wrenching. Yet… I feel as though… I’m being offered choices for the first time in years.”

Demyx squeezed his hand. “I know what you mean.”

“You’re so different.”

“How so?”

“You care about things.”

“It’s… hard not to,” he said. “Doing what I do… I see the impacts of darkness. The pain in people’s eyes. I don’t know if I was just ignoring it before… or if I were too oblivious. I’m tired of being oblivious. Tired of being alone.”

“Is this what you want to do forever?”

“What, deliver packages?” he barked a laugh. “Hardly.”

“Then what do you want to do?”

Demyx looked up at the ceiling. “To be determined,” he said softly, with a shrug. “I used to live by the seat of my pants. But that just gives me anxiety now. Maybe…” He breathed for a moment. “My music helps me. If I could teach people… that might help them work through all this.”

“Would that make you happy? Helping people?”

“Maybe.” He sighed. “There’s another thing.”

“Like what?”

“I’ve been… trying to pick up some magic,” he admitted with a slight grimace, as though embarrassed. “White magic. I’m actually not that bad at it. What if I were to… use that to fix people?”

“That’s a hard calling.”

“I know. But… weirdly, I feel determined.” He turned his face back to Ienzo. “I think that’s your fault?”

He laughed a little. “What, I’ve instilled in you a work ethic?”

“More like…” He knotted his hands against his stomach. “Actually being attached to someone made me realize… I’ve been so selfish. And selfishness might not be part of… the real Demyx. Whoever that is.” A sigh. “I thought staying under the radar would keep me safe, but I’m not safe from the memories. Or from myself. If I want to actually enjoy life, I’m going to have to get my hands dirty.” He wrinkled his nose. “Instead of hiding or taking things away from people, if I give them… music, or help them heal… maybe I’ll help me heal too.”

“That’s very astute,” Ienzo said softly. He touched Demyx’s cheek, which was scratchy from a few days of stubble. “I often wonder… the same.”

“If helping people will fix you?”

“Yes. I think it may begin that process. But… who, and how?”

“Words,” he said. “You’re a storyteller.”

“I’m a scientist.”

“Your weapon wasn’t a beaker--it was a book,” Demyx pointed out. “What’s a memory if not a story about you?”

Ienzo felt something like a thrill. “That’s rather poetic. I suppose I could… tell the stories. About what we did. About how I feel. Maybe I can help them realize the narrative--the narrative of Xehanort. And help give it more than just a bittersweet ending.” He cocked his head. “How do you know how I feel about words?”

“I’ve read your reports,” Demyx said simply.

His eyebrows shot up.

Demyx pointed to the phone. “You forget I’m connected to the network too? I just… I dunno. Sue me for getting curious. The way you write… it’s much more alive than the way the others do. That, and… come on, Ienzo. You invented a way for people to share pictures--which are stories too.”

He blushed. “That was mostly for reconnaissance,” he admitted.

“Yet your first post was in and of itself… a story about your future. Stories can make or break a heart.”

“Yes,” he said softly. “The… future. I hope…” He trailed off. “The people we’ve hurt. Their stories are important. What they’ve witnessed. It could help them heal. I could… gather those stories. They deserve so much more of a voice than Xehanort.”

“So do we,” Demyx said.

He wasn’t sure why this felt like a revelation. “Aren’t we also perpetrators?”

“We want to do good. Helping one person won’t make up for the many people that… well, got hurt.” His eyes crinkled. “That’s not how things work. But to not do anything… is worse. Don’t forget he hurt us too. You and me could have been normal. You were a kid and I was an amnesiac. Do you think we would’ve chosen this life if we’d known?”

Ienzo blinked.

“Some things are our fault. But he was the one who pushed that out of us.”

“Demyx, you’re…” he shook his head. “Have you always been this wise?”

He laughed a little. “No.”

“I love you.” Ienzo leaned in and kissed him gently. “I’m so glad we… took this risk.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

#retribution #ienzo #demyx #zemyx #aeleus

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livayl · 5 years ago

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Finding love or how to compromise an Archmage

A little cross-post again. Because it´s still early and I´m awake since for ever which makes me really really bored. Feel free to ignore it here if you’ve read it already. Aaand: Please don´t re blog to non-fetish blogs, thank you.

It takes place in the same fantasy world as my other story Veiled In Nocturnal Shadows. If you need or want any background for the characters feel free to ask. :) Also a little warning: it is about inducing which might not be everyone's thing.

Marya would have never dreamed of dating another Elf, especially not one so highly born. One of those nobles that were usually too busy digging trough decades of lost elven glory to see the really important now. She actually preferred a more down to earth company. Like the dwarven blacksmith and mischievous woodfairies she used to live with. Before that crap of a war had started.

The all so high and mighty Amaziah seemed like a resurrection of old strength and magic. All things heavy that would normally rather crush than tolerate the lighthearted and playful person she mostly was.

Yet, lying awake in the darkest times of night, she knew that THEM was important. THEY did matter. As clear as daylight. Which she suddenly could not wait for. So she snug out of her room, skulked across the peacefully silent guardhouse and scurried her way over the court towards the main hall. Through the doors and then upwards to her Loves´quarters. Guided by a lot of newly found love and a little ever present mischief. There were no soldiers but instead a buzzing, crackling force of defensive magic that warded the whole castle from outside and bled through it´s warren intestines as well. Maryas heartbeat quickened with joy as she passed the thick barrier unharmed. It felt… Welcome? She had almost reached her destined destination, slim fingers already brushing over the cool door handle, when a sharp sound tore apart the drowsy tranquility and nearly made her jump. “- HAESSCCCHh-hah!” - discard nearly, that had been one hell of a sudden… Sneeze? Whilst listening to the slowly recurring silence she started to wonder: Had she ever heard the Archmage sneeze before? Probably not, as she could not recall nearly shitting her pants around the commonly soft-footed elf before. Still processing this new situation, Marya was about to finally open the now ajar door when a vocalized gasp escaped from the room beyond. Someday, she grinned, eavesdropping will make my ears grow even bigger. “hh… hehh…hhahh….HEEEah-!… snnfff- shit!” Now that had been close. And strangely exciting to listen to… The way Amaziahs usually controlled breaths had become more voiced with need each time they were expelled. Underlined with desire as well as with growing desperation. Almost a little panting , aiming to release the building pressure only to abandon her one heartbeat away from granting it. That seemed teasingly frustrating… Still, even after a harsh nose blow, the tickle did not seem to show mercy as it returned in vengeance to make her hitch with increasing force. Marya could not help herself from peeking through the gap. It felt strangely intimate to witness her fierce Love trapped in a situation so longing and helpless. The scene in front of her was bathed in the soft amber light of a still smoldering fireplace that send tiny dusts of ash dancing in rays of moonshine. Amaziah sat amid ruffled bedclothes that surrounded her like blustering white waves. Her head was titled back, short raven hair tinted both golden and moonlight silver. Her lids seemed half closed, vivid amethyst colored eyes cloaked by dark, fluttering lashes and shining with irritated tears that had already left opalescent traces on her pallid cheeks. Her slender hands were cupped together and hovered in front of her twitching nose and slightly parted lips. Those tender lips that now opened fully, quickly altered into a snarl as the itch intensified once more. Her sinewy, androgynous frame nearly shook as her chest began to rise and fall in a frantic rhythm given by mounting need. “Hhh…hhh… hhAH!..Huh? hhhrr come on !” She crushed a fist into her pillow while the other started to give her straight, long nose a vigorous rub. Her whole expression seemed so… Upset, annoyed, overall wholly un-Noble-Archmage-and-Savior-of-The Radiant-Alliance- like that Marya failed to suppress a snorting laugh that made Amaziah turn towards her hidden audience in an instant. “Mah-hahhh…Damn it… Marya? What are you doing here?” She asked in recognition of the two sky-blue eyes that beamed at her from under curly, copper colored bangs. “Enjoying the sight. It actually was a really entertaining performance. And mhmm helping you out with your little problem?” “I don´t know of which problem you are spe-heh-akihiing off. Also, it´s incredibly rude to- iiiihn-vade an others personal space like th-haa-” Amaziah tried and failed as her otherwise sharp yet delicate features crumpled, marred by the again rising need to sneeze. Her long nostrils grew even wider, shaking against the stalling press of knuckles. “Oh you really don´t know? Because you look like you really need but can´t sneeze.” Marya scoffed, slowly drawing closer despite her Loves shooing motions. “I wonder why you don´t simply do so.” The compromised Archmage looked more than ready to comply as her eyes drifted shut beneath tightly knitted brows, contrasting her now open mouth gasping with turned down corners. Leaning back, hands swiftly steepled over the lower half of her face, Marya heard a powerfully building breath that made her Loves eyes swim with tears and ended in another frustrated growl. “Gods FUCK!” Came the infuriated exclamation that drowned Maryas laughter. “That right there was the best thing I have seen in a while!” she giggled while her girlfriend used a handkerchief to wipe away any leftover moisture. “That ridiculous nonsense is bothering me since hours. It´s neither enjoyable nor funny…” Amaziah muttered under her breath. “Not for you. But I will help you if you say please my lovely Marya make me sneeze.” “Are you out of your mind? N-huuh….Never.” “Oh, spoilsport. Then just please or Marya or sneeze.” Amaziah seemed unable to answer, eyes incapable to stay focused, blearily blinking away tears and hazed with that stubborn urge. “How…” She swallowed down another fruitless hitch. “Would you help me?” Marya pecked down with a fast kiss towards Amaziahs nose that was rewarded with another sharp inhale and sour grimace. Her eyes caught the long, fluffy quill on the desk. That would be good. A mischievous smile curved her plush lips upwards. “I would tickle your nose with that feather there until you get what you need. But only if you´re polite enough to say please.” A resigned sniff, disgruntled rub and then a whispered: “Please.” Marya, the feathery quill securely held in one hand, slowly made her advances towards Amaziahs nose. It was still twitching with flared nostrils on occasion and was blushed an angry red. She sat down in front of her Lover, close enough to feel the erratic breath brushing fervently over her skin. “But don´t sneeze on me.” “I won´t. Just… Be quick please…” “Oh wow, please two times a night! Someone´s really in need of help, mhm? Alright, I promise to save the banter for later.” The first fine wisps made contact with irritated skin, causing the mages nasal bridge to wrinkle. Marya did not want to tease too much, sensing the tension and exhaustion behind the other woman´s eyes, but was scared of hurting her with being to rough. She slowly circled each nostril, marveling at the sudden and strong reactions she was able to evoke. It took not more then three light strokes to educe two of those deliciously desperate gasps that made her own skin tingle. Another four and Amaziahs eyes were closed behind soft lashes wetted with fluid. Her nostrils responded pulsating open with each breath while her mouth hung ajar to suck in air in preparation to…. She quickly hid the foreboding grimace behind her hands, swatting the feather aside while her chest swelled against Marya. Warm, cloth-veiled skin stroking her arm. A deep breath…. “Hhh-HEHEA!-” only to slump back without executed duty and an almost desperate sniff. “Lost it again?” Marya asked and felt true pity at the floating gaze out of weary lilac depths. “It is not strong enough on the outside… Can you… Never thought I would say anything like that… Stick it inside my nose?” That made Marya chuckle again. “Yes, but only because you asked so nicely. Be ready.” This time she concentrated her efforts on her Loves left nostril, inserting the tip slowly to avoid injuries, only to have it ripped out again as Amaziahs head reflexively jerked backwards. “You need to keep still.” “S-sorry… It really tickled…” “That´s the point of it, silly.” Again, the now damp feather set out for it´s destination. Disappearing a little further this time, tickling and tingling as it went up. Marya noticed that Amaziahs hands were already half raised in preparation and that her face seemed almost peaceful despite the obvious struggle. Weird but true. She then poked the soft pink insides, one and then another twirl around with the feather and Amaziahs head reared back with a downright feral inhale and ferocious snarl. Her hands brought up just in time to cover an incredibly relieving: “HA-EHSCHUE!” That seemed to ascend from deep inside her chest. It caused her complete upper body to bend and stumble into Marya who hastily dropped her tool in favor to stabilize her Love which immediately seemed to gear up for another. She shuddered with another mighty inhale, face hidden behind protective hands and braced against Maryas shoulder. “hhh HA!- AESCHOO!…-EISCHHAH! hhh-HAH-EERSSCH~IUH!” The sneezes were almost violent and echoed through the chamber while Amaziah helplessly convulsed in Maryas arms. The fourth one seemed to dispel the tickle, judging how the mage nearly melted into her Loves embrace, uttering a sight that seemed equally underlined with something akin to pain and relieve. “Wow that was… Quite some sneezing you have there.” Marya noted with astonishment while stroking her Loves back. “Sorry, I could not help it…” Amaziah replied almost timid, nose nuzzled into Maryas shirt. “Thank you for… well… You know.” “Sounded like you needed it. And there´s no snot on me. Everyone´s happy.” “Always when you are with me.” Amaziah sniffed and gently pulled Marya to bed with her. “No ewww that´s cheesy.” She answered already wrapped up in equal parts strong arms and warm blanket. “Now, what did you really want here? Please don´t tell me you heard my sneezing throughout half of the castle.” “Would have been no surprise but no…” Marya paused, head nesting into Amaziahs shoulder, hand drawing lazy circles above her Loves heart. “I just… Missed you.”

#my fic #my oc #elves #Amaziah #Marya #snzfic #inducing #sneeze #female

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tisfan · 5 years ago

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State of the Fics 2019

The WIPS and Dead Ends Edition

So: having recently had a few discussions with some fellow authors and talking about other writers and stuff... here is where I’m going to answer some/most/all of the MOARPLZ requests.

I have 440+ works on A03 and a lot of what I hear is MOARPLZ or “is there going to be any more of this...”

So, I’m kinda going through my list right now and letting you know what my plans are for 2020 and what, if anything, you can count on to see more of, and what is, in fact, truly over. If you don’t see a fic that you love and want to know more about it, feel free to ask me.

Take Note and RSVP - every once in a while, we get asked about this story. This was my first jaunt into the fic world, and it’s unfinished. We lost our Steve writer because of some Fandom Drama (you can blame some stans who accused us of plagiarizing a fic we’d never read who continually attacked us until the stress just made it not worth the effort of finishing.)

Solar Powered Soldiers was my first solo effort. This fic, as far as I’m concerned, pretty much sucks. It was meant to be a Steve/Bucky fic, ended up with the only smut scene as a Nat/Clint piece, and didn’t really have a satisfactory ending. I am not likely to ever go back and fix this.

Steve of Oz was supposed to be mostly smutty foray into exploring Steve as the Avengers Bike. The plan was basically for him to end up having sex with literally everyone, while in a Wizard of Oz setting. Never happened, didn’t get much response to it.

Lost in the Shadows Every once in a while, I get someone who asks me about this AU. Talk about your niche markets! On the other hand, I love me some ShadowRun, so I have not closed down the idea of writing more on this AU...

So, here’s a fun thing: This particular AU is what’s been requested by my Marvel Trumps Hate winner, so, I’ll be writing a dragon-level event story for this, some 27 - 30,000 words. You ready, chummer?

The Communal Kitchen AU We have a few half-complete stories in this series; Vol 3, the Mating Habits of Hero Birds, a vague outline of a Team NuclearWinter side piece, and a couple of smut pieces that never got written. I may yank the sex pollen scene from Vol 3 out and post it as a stand-alone. We’ll see. If there’s interest in any of this, maybe we’ll come back to it. (I am currently re-reading the whole series, because honestly, I write the fic I want to read, and so I re-read my own stuff rather a lot.)

Anything involving Phil Coulson and Clint Barton - while I still ship this couple, and I’ll read stuff about them, I’ve pretty much given up writing them. Between Agents of SHIELD and everything with Clint starting in, say Age of Ultron forward, I just... don’t feel it anymore? Which does include the started and never finished Coulson’s Final Case

Next Thursday Night - huh, I’d honestly forgotten about this fic. maybe i’ll revisit it this year upcoming... somewhere I think I have an outline.

Subject to PunTax - I love puns, and this story is very formulaic. I pick a topic, make up 5-7 puns on the subject, wrap a story around it and tie a bow with a suggestive pick up line. So, I leave this open to continue, the next time I’m feeling Punny.

Bucky Barnes has Kittens - Bucky as the crazy cat lady writer with bad anxiety. I’ve had a lot of people tell me this story has been great for them, dealing with Bucky’s anxiety issues. I do have more story ideas for this ‘verse, including Bucky finding out that Steve is also a writer and dealing with that. Decidedly On the List.

Eight Arms to Hold You - I have a handful of extra stories for these. Some of them went up on Tumblr for tentacletober... generally speaking, any mermaid fic of mine is subject to a continuation because MERMAIDS and OCTOBUCKY

All American Road Trip confession time here: I stopped writing this fic because of some anti-tonys who kept popping in my comments for this fic to rant about Tony Stark in a fic that was NOT ABOUT TONY. I’ve deleted all their comments, but they were nasty, and I stopped wanting to write for people who were being so abusive to Tony (and honestly, that much bile spilling in my comments, I don’t care who it’s about, it makes me sad) Like, they liked the Fic (steve/sam/bucky) but... eeeh, whatevs. I didn’t feel like dealing with it, and I’m not going to.

Also Prey - One of my more popular pieces, I reserve the right to add more to it when I’m in a fluff mood.

Kiss me Through the Phone - I wrote this with @27dragons and I have about... half a plan for a third chapter called Your Dirty Little Secret. So, with some encouragement, that could happen.

The Truth is Who You Are - my BDSM with religious song lyrics fic; this stuff is really emotional for me, and while I do have 2-3 more pieces planned, they take me a while to write and they knock the shit out of me while I’m doing it. There’s a lot of Tony working through his self-hatred that just... it’s deep. So... there will be more, it just... might be Some Time.

The Killer and the Kid - this is literally my most popular piece. I get a MOAR PLZ ask on this at least once a month. I have been saying for a while I’m not planning any more of this, but I did offer it as an incentive for the Marvel Trumps Hate auction. This particular fic will ONLY BE WRITTEN for a charitable donation.

Joyride - I’ve written a couple of addons for this fic loosely titled Bundle of Joy. They’re not quite Done Yet, but when I get there, I’ll be posting that.

Nights in Sandbridge - our most popular series, and I love these boys so much here. We have no major plans to continue, but if something strikes us, we may.

WinterIron Pickup - a short story that spawned a second chapter. I have some ideas for continuing this, but it’s fallen by the wayside as I write other things.

What Good is the Sky - this piece is so angsty, and I keep getting requests to do moar of it. Trust me, you don’t want that, it will END BADLY. and I will cry a LOT.

Off the Menu - I really do have a LOT more of this story in my head. I just don’t know when I’m going to get around to it.

Bucky Barnes Prom CYOA this was SO HARD to format that I just gave up on it. I may come back and redo this as a few “completed” stories?

Phoning it In - I do, in fact, have a few more of this AU in mind, I just lost a bit of the shiny after an amazing fucking against the sofa smut scene. So, there might be more of this in your future (also I kept expecting it to win March Madness, so I-- didn’t get back ‘round to it?)

A Poor Reflection - never got finished. Not sure why, I had the whole damn thing plotted out. Where is my outline??

The Enhancile War Series - mostly to play with the trope of naked girl in a box, this series originally had four plotted stories, but we just could NOT get the fourth story to GO anywhere, even pushing on it really, really hard.

Any Old Music Will Do - I have a plot outline for this one, with Bucky and Tony forming the core of the Defenders, along with Luke and Jessica, but I don’t know what I did with it... anyway, there’s more ideas here. a bit.

Indispensable we had a plot idea for a sequel and I actually think we wrote about 15000 words or so on it, but-- meh, it ended up not being very interesting. If we come up with some actual plot, then maybe?

Park(s) and Wreck(ed) - I have some more ideas for this as Tony and Bucky get their sexy on all over the office.

Stark, Naked - we did, in fact, do a sequel to this, which was rather short, but well-received. Not much ideas here for anything else, but we like this version of them, so if we get good prompts, we might be tempted to take up the reigns again.

Land After Time - We get a LOT of requests for Moar of this. If we had ANY FUCKING CLUE what was going on, we might. but we really, really don’t

We Can’t Eat That (It’s Dead) - I actually have an entire plot for this, on who the dead guy is and what happened... I could be encouraged.

Forever Home - we wrote a full length sequel to this, but weirdly enough, it WASN’T the original sequel we’d sort of talked about. which means there’s potentially a third story here... (maybe a 4th one, too)

Excuse me, I think You Have My Suitcase - the further adventures of Tony and Bucky in lacy underthings. Yes. The next time I feel like PWP, I plan to revisit.

Dead to Rights - I still really like this idea... I just didn’t get as much traction from the Umbrella Academy fandom as I would have liked. Probably because most of my writer friends are Not Into It, which doesn’t give me many people to bounce ideas off

New York: Become Human - there’s a LOT more story here to tell... maybe we’ll tell it.

Rejoice in the Sun - I started writing this fairly soon after Endgame, when I had a lot of feels, but between the absolute outpouring of hatred about that movie from the fandom. seriously, y’all were going all Annie Wilkes up in the house to the point that I put Endgame back on BLACKLIST to get away from the seething bile... it got really hard to enjoy post endgame content, and I got sick, too, so... that didn’t help any.

Once a Knight - Witch Bucky and Knight Tony... we have some more plot for this...

No Job Too Small - I think I even have another chapter of this WRITTEN. And some more plotted out. Tony and tiny children. What could go wrong?

(D)rift Away - Bigger Better Bugspray... what happens when the Rifters come back? There might be more of this, once I work out some plot. And honestly, stop getting distracted by the damn @heamarvel prompts.

The Door into Winter - I have a whole story for this, still working on it

Learning to Work Together (Good Omens) - we have some more feels for this, so possibly, if we can put plot together.

Pretty much everything else i’m posting in progress is still going strong, Blueberries, Hell Charger, Can’t Help you Fix Yourself, Reclamation, Draco Malfoy and the Rune... and I have a couple of other collabs with other people that are... bogged down with details right now.

We’ve got a couple of stories headed your way from the Marvel HEA Hallmark challenge, including what may well be my new favorite: Buck Barnes Got Married. We also wrote a Cyber Punk AU with companion Tony as an excuse to dress Tony up in skimpy outfits.

So, that’s like the general status of Old Fic... and having ideas is not the same as finding the time to sit down and WRITE them, especially since New Ideas are attacking me at the same time, honestly.

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mautadite · 5 years ago

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june book round up

18 books this month! this is late because i just couldn’t find the time to sit down and write it but it’s finally here! and i completed my reading challenge! whoo! mostly e-books and audiobooks once again, and also a good few arcs. (i’m still so proud to be able to say that lol.)

the 7 1/2 deaths of evelyn hardcastle - stuart turton ⭐️⭐️⭐️ a murder mystery/thriller that takes place in the midst of a house party. kind of a groundhog day thing; the same day repeats over and over, and one of the guests wakes up in the body of a different guest EVERY day, and will do so until he solves the mystery. this was one of the cleverest books i’ve ever read, seeing everything come together was so good. but the last reveal left me kinda like... was THAT the point of all of this?? also one part of this book is grossly fatphobic.

breeze of a spring evening and other stories - yu dafu ⭐️⭐️⭐️ collection of short stories written and set in 1920s china/japan. there was a lot of examination of men’s desire towards younger women which bored me. but the writing was good, and i really enjoyed when the writer talked about being chinese and living in japan; that feeling of isolation of loss of self and country,

her lady’s honor - renee dahlia ⭐️⭐️ first arc of the month! historical f/f romance set after wwi. one character is a vet (in both senses of the word, she served as an animal doctor during the war) and the other is the daughter of the first character’s old captain. i wanted to like this a lot more than i did but the writing was dull, needed a better edit, and the structure/plot was just all over the place. the characters were fine, but not hugely compelling, and i didn’t fall in love with their romance.

his cocky cellist - cole mccade ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ really good m/m romance about a cellist/masseur and a young billionaire who end up becoming entangled. fictional billionaires are the only good ones. this had really pretty prose (sometimes a liiiiiiiiiiiittle bit purple), great characters, great chemistry, and just a lovely romance overall.

his cocky valet: after story - cole mmcade ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ cute coda to the first book in the series. a HEA in a way that works for these specific characters.

night owls and summer skies - rebecca sullivan ⭐️⭐️ another arc, another book i sadly didn’t enjoy much. this is ya f/f, about a girl who is sent unwillingly to the camp that she attended in childhood. the bare bones of the writing was fine, but it tried to be a romantic comedy in ways that just didn’t work. a lot of the humour was a total miss. and the book dealt a lot with bullying, while also letting the love interest get away with some truly shitty stuff.

arms wide open - donna jay ⭐️⭐️⭐️ contemporary f/f romance about a married couple going through some rough patches, who decide to try to spice things up by inviting a third person into their bed. it was cute, not spectacular. while i liked the characters a lot, because the book opened with them already in love (having problems, but never OUT of love) this book was missing what i love about most romances: the falling in love bit!

my heart’s in the highlands - amy hoff ⭐️⭐️⭐️ another arc and oh man this is an extremely generous rating for a book that really wasn’t that good, but hit the spot for me in specific ways. it’s historical f/f time travel romance about a woman from the 19th century who travels back to the 13th century and falls in love with a gruff highlander warrior woman. this is not very well written, has so many unexplained plot points, (how did a woman from the 19th century build a time machine? none of our damned business) didn’t seem too concerned with historical fidelity, and had some dubcon, which, bleh. but i still REALLY liked parts of this. i’m just so weak for historical f/f romance.

when all the world sleeps - j.a. rock and lisa henry ⭐️⭐️⭐️ contemporary m/m romance between a chronic sleepwalker who lives in fear of the things he does when he’s sleeping, and a cop. this was fine. sometimes sad and sweet, sometimes weird and overdone. the police character was fine most of the time, but he also reminded me of why i don’t like reading romances with cops. especially In These Times. every tiny abuse of power made me want to snap. the actually romance was good, but i’ve read better.

yellow jessamine - caitlin starling ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ another arc! fantasy sort of horror with some f/f leanings. really wonderful prose, AMAZING characters, and really lush, unsettling horror. i don’t read/enjoy a lot of horror but this was great. i adore complicated women so much

where the forest meets the stars - glendy vanderah ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ on a genre scale i guess this is contemporary/mystery? a moving novel about a biologist (who’s a breast cancer survivor) who meets a little girl claiming to be an alien who comes from the stars. it didn’t go the way i was kind of expecting it to, and i enjoyed it. it had an m/f romance that i liked... mostly? there were some tropes i coulda done without, and it was really lazy in the way it addressed trauma.

silver ravens - jane fletcher ⭐️⭐️⭐️ yet another arc! i really enjoyed fletcher’s celaeno series so i was excited to be approved for this f/f fantasy/adventure novel. an out-of-work IT professional is swept into fairy world with fae and mystery and intrigues aplenty, and a mercenary captain she falls for. the writing was fine, but some of the world building really bugged me, and there wasn’t enough romance imo.

second nature - jae ⭐️⭐️⭐️ f/f paranormal romance about a writer who’s begun to have strange dreams about a society of animal shifters, and the liger shifter who’s been tasked with finding her, and if need be, killing her. this could have been a great book (i especially really liked the characters and how they were described, and the plot) but the writer did one of the things i really hate: giving us the pov of the villain from the very beginning, letting us know his plans, motivations, EVERYTHING. it felt like we spent the entire book waiting for the protags to catch up, and it just wasn’t entertaining.

dragonoak books 2-3 - sam farren ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ the last two books in the dragonoak series, an f/f high fantasy series. they were too long, the plot was shaky, and there were some irksome bits but holy crap, i loved these books so much. SO MUCH. they have some of my very favourite characters and tropes EVER. lots of queer ladies, lots of trans characters, necromancy, batles, found families, friendships, damaged characters, REALLY EXCELLENT ROMANCE.. the book had flaws aplenty but i’m ready to forgive them all. (

when i was you - minka kent ⭐️⭐️⭐️ i don’t usually read thrillers, but i decided to try this out on a whim after seeing the cover and it was... fine. it helped that i didn’t read the blurb, bc that meant i had no idea where it was going. after the first huge twist it did become kinda meh tho.

the hole - hye-young pyun ⭐️⭐️⭐️ psychological horror about a man who survives the car cash that killed his wife. he ends up paralysed, and is living with his mother in law, and one day he looks out the window and sees her digging holes in the garden. this was an EXTREMELY slow book. it took ages for anything to really happen. there were a lot of flashbacks and internal monologuing. the absolute best part of this book came at almost the end, where there was a big sorta revelation and the writing became really crisp and cutting and just really good. it had a really fitting end.

the silvers - j.a. rock ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ m/m sci-fi romance. humans are in search of water for earth, which is running out. they come across intelligent life on a new planet: a race of people called silvers. the captain of the mission and one of the silvers develop a close relationship... this was really good; i loved what it had to say about humanity and nature and the ways we can and do hurt each other. very interesting, i don’t think i’ve ever read anything like it.

and that’s it for june! i ended up reading a fair few things out of my usual comfort zone. for july, i think i’m going back to a majority romance; i’ve missed that. currently reading to have loved and lost.

#book talk #long post

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p-and-p-admin · 6 years ago

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Interview given to The Severus Snape and Hermione Granger Shipping Fan Group. (sharing here Admin approved)

https://www.facebook.com/groups/199718373383293/ Hello CRMediaGal and welcome to Behind the Quill, thank-you for letting us get to know you a little better.

Many of our members will know your Unquestionable Love series.

We’re grateful you can spend some time with us today.

Okay, so let's jump into it!

What’s the story behind your pen name?

CR is an abbreviation for “cracked rendition” and that comes from the excerpt from a poem I’ve loved since I was young. Years ago, to help put myself through art college, I did web design on the side and called my little company Cracked Rendition Designs. When I created my pen name, I combined all of these elements together to make CRMediaGal (for some illogical reason I thought it was a solid name at the time lol) and, to this day, I still think about changing my pen name altogether. I figure it’s too late for that now, though.

Which Harry Potter character do you identify with the most?

Luna Lovegood. I wish I’d had her self-assurance and confidence in who she is at that age but, that aside, I identify with how she’s a bit of a loner, an oddball, and tends to be left out (or does until she finds her Hogwarts friends). I’ve really struggled with being an outsider most of my life, so it’s comforting to see that representation in literature but through a young woman who possesses the self-confidence people like myself often lack.

Do you have a favourite genre to read?

I tend to love period dramas, so a lot of the classic novels are my favourites (i.e. Austen, Henry James, etceteras).

Do you have a favourite “classic” novel?

The Portrait of a Lady is one of my favourite novels. I reread it every couple of years.

At what age did you start writing?

I’ve been writing since I was very little, so probably seven, eight, nine-ish? I used to be much more of an artist/sketcher than a writer, so I’d make up stories and write and sketch and staple them together all day long lol.

How did you get into writing fanfiction?

After watching Deathly Hallows: Part 2 at the cinema in 2011. Severus Snape’s death hit me hard all over again (I hadn’t read the last book in a few years), and I decided that I desperately needed to change that for myself lol. Unquestionable Love is the first fanfic (SSHG) I ever wrote and it’s become an ongoing series, so I’m grateful to have gotten the “spark” to write fanfic from somewhere around that time. I decided in 2011 to try my hand at “fleshing out” my little Snape family that had been mucking about in my head for much longer than that.

What's the best theme you've ever come across in a fic? Is it a theme represented in your own works?

I’m a total sucker for the brooding, self-loathing male who thinks himself unworthy of love and redemption and the sunshine, kick-arse lady, aka Centre of His World, who loves him back to life. #GimmeMorePleaseandThankYou

What fandoms are you involved in other than Harry Potter?

I’ve written fics for Star Wars (ReyBen/Reylo is another one of my favourite ships outside of SSHG), The Hobbit (Thranduil/Tauriel), and Les Miserables (Enjonine).

If you could make one change to canon, what would it be? Do you have a favourite piece of fanon?

Severus Snape’s death (he’s NOT dead! #nope #denial4ever).

My favourite piece of fanon is probably Severus being Draco’s godfather. Regardless of where it originated from, I’m all for it.

Do you listen to music when you write or do you prefer quiet?

I used to need complete solitude and quiet to write, but nowadays I can write with some instrumental music playing in the background. It depends on where my headspace is at.

What are your favourite fanfictions of all time?

I don’t read much fanfic anymore, as it’s hard enough for me to find time for my own writing…but off the top of my head, I’d probably have to go with a “classic” - The Tattered Man (SSHG) by Aurette. It’s gutting and heart-wrenching and doesn’t have a happy ending, but it’s a hauntingly beautiful piece that stays with you.

Are you a plotter or a pantser? How does that affect your writing process?

I’m somewhere in the middle. I tend to plot out certain points I want to hit from chapter to chapter (if it’s a multi-chapter fic and heavy on plot, for instance), but writing is an organic process and I enjoy allowing my muse to surprise me as well.

What is your writing genre of choice?

A good mixture of Angst and Fluff (and nearly always with a HEA!)

Which of your stories are you most proud of? Why?

I’m proud of all my stories for different reasons, mainly technical milestones I was able to achieve with the writing or the emotional attachments I had to them at the time that I wrote them.

If I had to choose one (or two because I gotta cheat here haha!), I’d go with either Unto Their Own (SSHG) because the subject matter was so dark and took me to places mentally that were very tough for me to navigate (the fact that I finished that fic is an achievement for me because it could have very well been abandoned at various points in the story); or Unquestionable Love (SSHG), both the original and the series as a whole, because that story has my heart entirely invested in it. That precious family means everything to me and the story, from beginning to present, is my headcanon for the SSHG pairing. I really can’t see them any other way, though I’ve written other stories where their lives turn out quite differently.

Did it unfold as you imagined it or did you find the unexpected cropped up as you wrote? What did you learn from writing it?

Sticking with Unquestionable Love here, the original story came together mostly as expected, though there were a couple darker turns the fic was supposed to take that I didn’t have the heart--or the stamina, I suppose--to end up developing.

One of my dear OCs/one of the daughters was supposed to die at one point in the story and I realised that doing so would have ultimately changed Severus’s fate, as well as the entire course of the storyline. (There is just no way that UL!Severus would survive the death of one of his children, so I guess I’m no JK Rowling or any other esteemed writer who can just ruthlessly kill off their characters haha!) I’ve learned through writing this series that I can tackle subject matters that are very emotionally tough for me and that’s a good feeling.

I’ve also learned that I have something to say, even if it’s not much heard or well-liked, and that that still makes my storytelling worthy of being out there in the fandomverse; or, at least, I try to remind myself that it’s okay to exist.

How personal is the story to you, and do you think that made it harder or easier to write?

It’s intensely personal in some respects and those aspects are difficult for me to discuss. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be ready to talk about them in depth, but I will say a couple scenes in the latter half of Unquestionable Love were incredibly trying to write due to personal experience. I pushed through those moments, though, and I think that, because of that therapeutic exercise, I’m able to tackle other tough subjects in my stories more easily.

What books or authors have influenced you? How do you think that shows in your writing?

I admire various writers, mainly for the love of the language that’s reflected in their writing styles. Anne Rice immediately comes to mind. If I had an ounce of her talent, I’d write with so much confidence lol. I don’t think writers like her necessarily affect my writing style, but they’re certainly people I aspire to write more like.

Do people in your everyday life know you write fanfiction?

Only more recently. I haven’t really allowed any of them to read my work, as so much of it is deeply personal, but just being upfront with my closest friends and family has been a nice development.

How true for you is the notion of “writing for yourself”?

I think this is something, as a fic writer, that’s essential. However, I’m also of the mindset that fandom is about community, and fanfic writers want to engage with their audiences. We want to feel less alone in these wacky and often times complicated scenarios we put our characters through, and we want people to respond to them...hopefully, with a positive reaction.

That’s what it’s all about--interaction--and it can be rather heartbreaking, as a writer, when you don’t receive engagement because maybe your headcanons or takes on characters aren’t popular or are considered outside of the ‘norm’.

For me, I find it too crippling anymore to continue sharing my stories with the fandoms I love when they’re met with silence or hate. There’s nothing more soul crushing than just being dismissed or disliked or not accepted...and that’s why I’ve chosen to post my stories privately (for now, at least).

How important is it for you to interact with your audience? How do you engage with them? Just at the point of publishing? Through social media?

It’s pretty essential to me to be able to engage with readers. I absolutely love it and I wish it happened more often haha. I used to run polls and interact with readers on my fanfiction.net and AO3 accounts (both now inactive) and through my still active Tumblr account (http://crmediagal.tumblr.com/ ). I now have my own website - www.crmediagal.com - where I can fully control the flames and negativity.

It may be temporary but, so far, it’s working out pretty well. It’s made my readership a lot smaller but, at least, I know the people who are there genuinely want to read more of my work and won’t leave me hate comments. That’s so comforting and encouraging.

What would you most like your readers to take away with them when they've finished your stories?

A powerful message of some kind...remembrance...perhaps, suggest one or two of them to other readers and shippers out there.

That’s the only way our stories survive, really.

What is the best advice you’ve received about writing?

That you need to protect your “voice”, no matter how unpopular it may be, and that there is no one else who writes like you and that you should take pride in that.

I try to remind myself of these important pointers when I’m feeling particularly down about my storytelling abilities.

What do you do when you hit writer’s block?

Watch my favourite films or television shows to help re-spark my creativity. I come back to the writing when it ‘speaks’ to me. I no longer press myself to push out writing because, more often than not, the result is going to get tossed and reworked anyhow.

Has anything in real life trickled down into your writing?

Yes, certain experiences and people I’ve encountered in my life have definitely wound up in some of my stories.

Many of my OCs in different stories are examples of that.

Do you have any stories in the works? Can you give us a teaser?

I’m working on a new SSHG story that’s based off of a fun prompt from a dear, long-time reader.

It will start posting at my website - www.crmediagal.com - in the coming weeks/months, so if anyone would like access to it, you can contact me there.

Here’s a short excerpt:

Cradling his head in his hand, Severus stomped to his front door and opened it a crack, jostling the handle loud enough that it caught three people’s attention, the woman firstly before the others.

“What’s the bloody idea?” he snarled, shouting above them.

Each individual—two wizards and one witch—went mute and turned to stare from the neighbouring sidewalk.

“I’ll have you know that this is a quiet street! And I was sleeping!” When the guests next door to him, who were just towing the property line and about to get themselves knocked out, offered no response, he prodded, grinding his teeth together,

“Are you daft, you fools? Do you not comprehend? HEY!”

The two gentlemen, who appeared to be fresh out of Hogwarts—or maybe they hadn’t gotten that far in their magical studies, judging by the stupidity on their expressions—startled and nodded in unison.

“Yes, sir!”

“Oh, my...” the witch, in turn, murmured, seemingly more to herself than anyone else.

Severus identified her vacant, open-mouthed expression at once: she recognised him. As of yet, he had little recollection as to who she might be and didn’t give a damn. He kicked his door open the rest of the way with his boot, jostling the three near trespassers backward a few more paces, and stalked down his steps and onto his sidewalk.

That was when he finally understood the reason behind all of the commotion: one of the branches to the old oak tree that shielded his stoop, and had been there since the earliest days he could recall of his childhood, had crashed onto the pavement, cracking the sidewalk in half.

A part of his iron fence, too, had crumbled under the weight of the broken branch, and there was an assortment of boxes, some severely banged up, scattered across his property.

“What the...? That’s my tree you idiots hit! And my bleedin’ fence...!”

“I - I’m sorry, sir,” stammered the witch with wildly curly hair and worrisome brown eyes, hastily stepping forward to intervene.

“I’ve been trying to figure out how this happened—”Severus turned his glare on her.

“And who are you?” The seemingly thirty-something woman blushed to her roots, which he couldn’t account for, until she spoke in a faint, insecure whisper,

“Um, Hermione, sir... Hermione Weasley. Oh, gosh, I mean, I - I was Hermione Weasley until...” She cleared her throat and attempted to reintroduce herself, flushing in such a manner that it flaunted dainty-looking freckles that dotted her cheeks and nose. Had she always had those? Severus couldn’t remember.

“Oh, bother! It’s Hermione Granger, Professor. Surely, you...you remember me?”Severus went as rigid as a column.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake...” he blurted aloud before he could stop himself. Hermione blinked, taken aback.

“I’m sorry?”Severus’s shock morphed into a tight-fitting sneer.

“I thought I was done with the lot of you.”

Any words of encouragement to other writers?

Try not to get too discouraged by lack of reviews or not making the recommendations lists. Keep persevering and know that someone out there, even if it’s just one reader, will love what you have to share with the world.

Thanks for spending some time with us today CRMediaGal, we’ve enjoyed getting to know you.

#fanfiction #fanfic #pro snape #snamione #sevmione #snanger #hermione #hermione granger #snape #severus snape #snape community #writing

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hope-for-olicity · 6 years ago

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Crushing the romance stigma once and for all Romance novel sales tally in the billions of dollars every year. (That's right: billions. With a "b".) And still, literary critics and other various bookish snobs continue to malign the genre, loudly and with great disdain. Why is that? If you ask these folks, they'll tell you romance novels are nothing but badly written trash. So, y'all have read a bunch of romance novels before forming that opinion, I assume? Oh, no, they'll say, noses tipped heavenward. They don't read romance (with all the contempt in the world placed on the word "romance"). Huh. Now I'm confused. Why would people be so openly hostile to a genre they've never read? I think I can tell you why.The romance stigma and genre misconceptions are so deeply ingrained in us as a society that we have trouble overlooking them, even with glaring examples to the contrary. Heck, even bestselling romance authors like Nicholas Sparks hesitate to admit they write romance. Mr. Sparks insists that he writes “love stories”. On his website, Sparks lays out the difference between “love stories” and romance as follows: “It’s equivalent to the difference between a "legal thriller" and a "techno-thriller." In that instance, both novels include many of the same elements: suspense, good and bad forces pitted against each other, scenes that build to a major plot point, etc. But aside from the obvious, those novels are in different sub-genres and the sub-genres have different requirements. For instance, legal thrillers generally have a court room scene on center stage, techno-thrillers use the world or a city as their setting. Legal thrillers explore the nuances of law, techno-thrillers explore the nuances of scientific or military conflict. The same situation applies with romance novels and love stories. Though both have romantic elements, the sub-genres have different requirements. Love stories must use universal characters and settings. Romance novels are not bound by this requirement and characters can be rich, famous, or people who lived centuries ago, and the settings can be exotic. Love stories can differ in theme, romance novels have a general theme—‘the taming of a man.’ And finally, romance novels usually have happy endings while love stories are not bound by this requirement. Love stories usually end tragically or, at best, on a bittersweet note.” I’m sorry, no disrespect intended, but if you’ve written a story in which the romantic relationship between two characters is the focus, you’ve written a romance novel, Mr. Sparks. The rest is just splitting hairs and can probably be construed as you protesting a bit too much. Throwing in a depressing ending doesn’t completely excuse you from the genre. Sorry. So, let’s take a look at the most common romance complaints and see if there’s actually anything to them: Romance novels are badly written I don’t know if y’all picked up on the implied “all” in that sentence, but I sure did. I don’t know of any genre outside of romance where people feel comfortable saying “all” of it is badly written. Are there some stinkers in the bunch? Absolutely. But I’ve also read plenty of stinkers in the sci fi, horror and mystery genres. I suppose my response to critics who say romance novels are badly written would be: have you read all romance novels? No? Well…there you go. And further...if they’re so badly written, why are they selling so well? Romance novels are formulaic I suppose this might depend on how broadly you define “formula”. For example: 1 person + 1 person = love and happiness Is that how a formula is defined? Because if that’s the definition, it could be argued that romance novels are formulaic. It is a somewhat unspoken “rule” that romance novels end with a HEA (happily ever after). But in my opinion, there’s A LOT that can happen in the middle of that particular formula, and there’s about a gazillion ways that particular equation can be worked out. I’ve read romance novels about everyday people with typical problems, and I’ve read romance novels about vampires and witches and angels. All the lovely variations in which the “formula” can be worked out and twisted about sure can make for some entertaining reading. Romance novels are predictable Again with the implied “all”. Sigh. I’m pretty hard to surprise. I knew that Darth Vadar was Luke’s father well before Luke did. I knew that one of the dead people Haley Joel Osment was seeing was Bruce Willis way before Bruce Willis knew. I knew what was going on at The Red Wedding well before Talisa took that knife to the gut. But I can honestly say that more than a few romance authors have managed to throw me for a loop with their plot gymnastics. (I’m looking at you, J.A. Redmerski!) So, are there some predictable romances out there? Sure. Can it be argued that the HEA is predictable? Absolutely. But to those still arguing this point, I have to ask: is your enjoyment of a book dependent on your inability to predict the story’s ultimate direction? Even if you know where the story will end up, can you not just enjoy the ebb and flow of the story, the writer’s word choices, the snap of the dialog and crackling chemistry between characters? If not...well, that’s kind of sad! Why bother reading at all if that’s the case? There’s no plot; it’s all just about sex This is another one of those all-inclusive statements that should just be ignored. Are there some romance novels that are all about sex? Sure. And there are plenty of others that are intricately plotted (author Tarryn Fisher comes immediately to mind here) and meticulously researched. Beyond that, there’s even an entire subcategory of sweet and clean romances (even some Amish romances) that don’t contain any sex at all. Lesson to be learned here: As a rule, “all” and “never” statements are crap. “Real” writers don’t write romance Who gets to define what a “real” writer is? Was there some kind of specially appointed task force for this that I wasn’t aware of? As it turns out, writing is an art. So, just like any other art form, opinions on what is “good” and what is “real” will tend to vary greatly. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and there are no wrong answers. And just for the record, Jane Austen wrote romance novels. Anyone care to tell her—and her legions of rabid fans—that she wasn’t a real writer? No? Didn’t think so. Romance novels are unrealistic The “unrealistic” criticism usually exists in a couple of different forms: 1. The heroes and heroines are all perfect looking It’s true that as a society, we like pretty stuff. For that reason, you will find an abundance of pretty, seemingly perfect people in romance novels (especially on the covers). But, you’ll also find plenty of people who don’t fit into a perfect Barbie-and-Ken mold. I’ve read romances about a paraplegic hero, a heroine with CP, and a heroine so unattractive the hero is uncomfortable around her until he gets to know and love her. 2. HEAs don’t happen in real life You know who doesn’t believe in HEAs? Unhappy people. It’s true that no one is happy all the time, but to assume that no one ever gets a HEA is insane. There’s plenty of happiness out there for those who are willing to reach for it. And on a less philosophical note, I think romance readers generally understand that “HEA” is just a phrase. No one assumes that the main couple in the story continued to live out their lives without ever having another care in the world. The HEA is just where the story ends. Romance novels are just “bodice rippers” This one stems from a trend in the 70s and 80s that had innocent virgins (mostly in historical novels) on book covers being accosted by burly, half-dressed dudes (often Fabio) who were pretty much forcing themselves on them. Much like clothing and hairstyles, romance novel trends have also changed quite a bit since the 70s and 80s. For anyone who believes that all romance novels are “bodice rippers”, I encourage you to change out of your velour leisure suit, shut off your 8-track player and lava lamp, and venture to your local bookstore’s romance section. You’re in for a big surprise. Romance novels promote abusive relationships I’ll let you in on a little secret, folks. (Come closer…wouldn’t want this one getting out to just anyone) Women sometimes fantasize about being overpowered by a man. It’s a pretty standard fantasy, actually. Some dude (who looks like Thor or Wolverine) overcomes all of her good-girl protests and better judgement with nothing more than the raw animal power of his overwhelming manly hotness. No consequences, no one gets hurt. Does reading about such a fantasy make women prone to asking their husband/partner/lover to abuse and overpower them on a regular basis? No more so than reading To Kill a Mockingbird makes people prone to becoming lawyers, or reading The Bourne Identity makes people prone to amnesia. Typically, readers are capable of distinguishing between fantasy and reality. Critics who spew drivel about romance novels promoting abuse against women seem to think otherwise, though. And further, as I’ve mentioned before, I’ve read a lot of romance novels. A. Lot. The portion of those novels that featured a man overpowering a woman amounts to maybe 2% of the total. It’s hardly fair to assume that all romance novels—or even a majority of romance novels, for that matter--promote that kind of relationship. It’s just “mommy porn” Sorry, but it’s just not statistically possible that all of the billions of dollars’ worth of romances sold each year were read by mommies. Women and men (yes, men read romance, too) of all ages enjoy romances. This statement is just a desperate attempt by critics to shame readers into buying the types of books theythink everyone should be reading. It’s like trying to convince people they should be watching PBS all the time. PBS is a great channel, but sometimes, you need a little HBO. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Anyone who tells you otherwise is just an egocentric bully trying to promote his/her own agenda. Romance novels are silly fluff I’m not going to argue that romance novels are doing their part to cure cancer or end world hunger. (And truthfully, neither are any novels) Some romances are about light subject matter, and others cover much deeper topics such as the grief of losing a spouse, kidnapping and child abuse, murder and even survival in a post-apocalyptic world. And those are just a few examples of the not-so-silly-fluffy topics you can find in romance novels today. There’s plenty more where those came from. Long-story-short, it would appear that nothing is wrong with the romance genre that isn’t also a problem for any other genre, other than what ignorant critics think of it. So, what can romance lovers do to help crush the romance stigma once and for all? Well, the first step is to admit, out loud and to anyone who asks, that you love romance novels. No more sheepishness. No more hiding your romance novels in speculative fiction dust jackets. No more refusing to let anyone see your Amazon browsing history or your Kindle’s contents. Be PROUD of what you read. The second step is to promote the books you read that help crush these myths. That’s what we’ll be doing here at Romance Rehab. What about all of you proud romance readers out there? What other romance misconceptions piss you off? Let’s talk.

#romance novels

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certainuncertainty11 · 6 years ago

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Sasuke Uchiha Character Study

Okay, @obnoxiious-kookie , I haven’t had a decent discussion about Naruto in years so forgive me in advance for the length. I love talking psychology and character development. I’d like to say fuck you to Kishimoto for making my heart bleed, and my brain cramp. If I go back to writing Naruto fanfiction, I’m gonna chew my hand off and type with my face.

I always looked at the series from the standpoint of a writer. The characters are all written to be a certain way. Kishi once said that Sasuke was his favorite and I could tell by all the shit this guy went through.

Sasuke’s major character flaw was arrogance.

Delving into psychology, how does one develop an arrogant personality? Early negative experiences. As stated on Personality Spirituality on arrogance, “early negative experiences typically consist of disapproval or outright criticism from significant others, especially the parents.” Fugaku was a supreme asshat sperm donor. He was so focused on their little coup and Itachi’s desired part in it that he completely ignored Sasuke’s existence until Itachi began to resist his influence. This created a one-sided sibling rivalry where Sasuke had to “compete” against Itachi. Though Itachi and Mikoto tried to counter Fugaku’s shitty parenting with love, societal norms guaranteed that Sasuke would focus on his “lack” in worth in his dad’s eyes. Once Fugaku turned his attention to Sasuke, Sasuke did his best to measure up to Itachi so he could be noticed and praised. Children in this situation learn to manipulate other’s perception of them to highlight their own worth and point out others’ flaws.

I got the impression that Sasuke developed an inferiority complex sometime before the massacre based on how he treated others and was critical of his own shortcomings.

This is why character development is my favorite part of storytelling. Sasuke likely believed his “well-being in life depended on how others saw [him].” This belief creates a belief that “any perceived weakness...is unacceptable.” Being vulnerable is fucking scary. I love hate Kishimoto for making me say this, but considering Sasuke’s past his resulting personality is textbook psychology. His character arc is flat (no change). His coldness towards Naruto is part of his strategy to protect himself from disapproval/criticism from the impression that he lacks in some way. His arrogance is merely armor to protect his soft insides.

The little boy we saw with Itachi still existed long after the death of his family, and we saw it when he outlasted Itachi in their fight. I suspect his desire to avenge his clan was a smokescreen for an internal desire for recognition and praise from one of two people his life previously centered around.

I think most Sasuke hate derives from his foil, Naruto. We get to see them grow up side by side, but only gain insight into Naruto’s thinking and feelings. Sasuke’s mostly a mystery. He rarely showed his true self, that little boy. Most of us can relate to being isolated or ostracized and wanting to be accepted and loved by others. However, not many can relate to wanting/needing to kill the person we were closest to as a child for killing our entire family and leaving us alive. Can’t forget that on top of everything, Itachi used Mangekyo on him and mind-raped him with images of the death of his loved ones. So we’re set up to love/hate Sasuke, who is Naruto’s shadow. Naruto is everything Sasuke isn’t and vice versa. That is no accident. (Note to self, cover archetypes.) Most Sasuke fans I’ve talked to have a family member or two we’d like to see “disappear” for various reasons so they can understand that desire for atonement/justice. Naruto’s portrayed as a caring, determined outcast and Sasuke’s a dick to him without contextual reason. But remember, Itachi told Sasuke that if he wanted to beat him, Sasuke would have to kill his best friend.

My biggest personal hangup is the Sasuke Recovery Arc. It starts with Sasuke overanalyzing his weaknesses, comparing his progress to Naruto’s who, unbeknownst to Sasuke, is a fucking jinchūriki. Why the fuck was that kept a secret from Sasuke and Sakura? “Don’t compare your behind the scenes to someone else’s highlight reel.” Here’s where my belief in the inferiority complex comes in. After the fight on the hospital roof with Naruto, Kakashi talks to Sasuke about how revenge is pointless. I got the impression that his words were sinking in and he was questioning his life when the Sound Four showed up. I lost so much sleep contemplating the possible outcomes of things like Kakashi being there when they did show up, them never showing up at all, or Naruto being there -- just him hearing those words again as a reminder that there was another path he could have taken beside what was brainwashed into him by Itachi.

Because fuck you Kishi, the series would have been just as good if Sasuke had stuck around, trained with Kakashi more, and eventually helped them take down the Akatsuki. But, no. He needed snake powers and special eyeballs. I wanted a Natsu/Gray dynamic. But alas, I got hella angst. The Sound Four emotionally manipulated Sasuke by triggering his fears and belief of inadequacy rooted in his arrogance. The Valley of the End battle shows Sasuke’s arrogance mask slipping when he refused to kill Naruto as Itachi advised. That was the greatest act of kindness Sasuke ever displayed, despite it being portrayed as selfish. He saw Naruto as a friend, and it was a weakness. Now factor in the tsundere archetype traits and you have “whiny emo bitch.”

From the snippets of Boruto I’ve watched (I mean ffs my favorite character was killed off after I wrote 80k into a fanfic, so I checked out) his character was left as is for drama/plot for Sarada. Tbh, I feel like the ships were created for an HEA when Sasuke didn’t/shouldn’t get one. His family is dead. The village betrayed him through omission of information and convoluted schemes for power. The man he spent most of his life chasing wasn’t the monster he thought him to be and loved him despite everything they’d been through. Like Kakashi warned, revenge was pointless, and his victory was hollow. How in the fuck did Sakura manage to get him to agree to fuck? That should have been the end of Sasuke’s story as it delivers the moral and theme of his character.

#uchiha sasuke #character study #god i cried for him #uchiha brothers #uchiha itachi #naruto #tldr i love sasuke #i love itachi too #i'd die for this series #*sobs*

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vanessawritesstuff-blog · 7 years ago

Text

You might be broken, but so am I

It had been a long, long damn time since Jesse had been this pissed off. Anger wasn’t the only emotion surging in his chest, there was also worry, fear and anxiety. Hanzo has been avoiding him ever since their last mission together, and it had thrown Jesse through a loop. Actually, Jesse had downright been a mess. So much that other Overwatch members started to ask about him and his relationship with Hanzo in particular. The two were dating for a several weeks now, after a long time of mutual pining where both of them refused to believe their feelings were reciprocated. A long time alone made it hard for Jesse to believe someone would be interested in him, while in turn Hanzo didn’t believe that anyone could love a man that ‘killed’ his brother. Granted, Jesse didn’t really like Hanzo in the beginning. The archer was rather arrogant in his abilities, sometimes to the point that it became hard to bear. It didn’t help that Jesse was close to Genji since the days of Blackwatch, which made it harder to trust Hanzo in the first place. It was because of Genji however, that Jesse slowly opened up to the archer. If the cyborg was ready to forgive his brother and focus on the future, who was he to linger on the past? Their relationship was good. Mostly. It was only after opening up to each other that Jesse discovered that behind the arrogant and confident facade, there was a lonely and broken man. Hanzo might consider himself the most broken of the pair but Jesse too, had his scars and problems. One example was his affinity to whiskey. For how often he drank it, one should expect that Jesse would know his limit a little better. Sadly, he did not but at the least Hanzo understood him in that regard, having a similar affinity to sake. The two had started to bond over and thanks to the alcohol, so it couldn’t be all that bad. Or so Jesse told himself. The second example was his short temper, which he had particularly after missions. A nasty side-effect of the deadeye ability was that Jesse suffered from excruciating migraines the next day or two. Angela’s medicines helped him function but the irritation was bubbling under his skin and he was easily triggered. It had led to a few arguments here or there, nothing too bad or too serious. Jesse knew he wasn’t perfect, but he was damn well willing to do everything he could to become a better person and to learn from his mistakes.

So when Hanzo decided to avoid him for no apparent reason, Jesse was not only hurt but also angry. There was a constricting tightness in his chest, yet at the same time, it felt as if it was on fire. Since he had used deadeye in their last mission, it wasn’t a great moment to confront the archer about it. The throbbing head and sensitivity to noise, among other things, didn’t make him very patient and open to sensible arguments. It had been two days though and Jesse was sick and tired of being left in the dark. If he did something wrong, or if Hanzo didn’t want him anymore, he deserved to be told in his face. To Hanzo: 21:30:43 If ur done with me, just fking tell me Han

Jesse sighed after he pressed the send button. After calling the man several times and being ignored, he didn’t know what to do to get his message clear. They really needed to talk and behave like adults, which sometimes was a lot harder than it sounded. Jesse didn’t want to keep avoiding the rest of his friends either because he wasn’t sure what their relationship status was right now. For the first five minutes, Jesse stared blankly to his phone. The hope that Hanzo would text him back, started to seep away. “God dammit!”Jesse punched a nearby wall with his fist, his good one, before disappearing into a long, steaming hot shower. When he came back, Jesse didn’t even bother to check his phone. Sitting in his window, he smoked one of his cigars and took a big gulp of whiskey. It soothed some of the pain but it could never take it away. Just when Jesse was about to rest, he looked at his phone and blinked. From Hanzo: 22:10:14 Meet me at the roof. Usual spot. From Hanzo: 22:30:32 I am here. Jesse quickly glanced at his clock. 22.50. Shit. He scurried out of the bed and dressed half in his room, half in the hallway. There was nobody out here to see him and it was mostly quiet, aside from Hana who was streaming one of her games with her fans. Judging by the ‘gg’s’ and the ‘you have been D.nied!’, she had another win. Out of breath and a little sweaty, Jesse glanced around at their usual spot. It was quiet and cool here, secluded but close enough to the others in case of an emergency. The pair used it to meet for drinks and to share stories and kept doing so well into their relationship. From his room, Jesse had ran non-stop so he could get here as soon as he could. Why didn’t I check my phone earlier?, Jesse cursedly thought to himself. Immediately after, he thought, why am I feelin’ guilty for somethin’ I didn’t cause in the first place?! At the location, there was nobody to be seen. His shoulders hung, low and defeated. This might have been the only chance to find out what was going on but the opportunity has passed. Was this going to be it? “So you came after all.” Jesse turned and looked around to see where the all too familiar voice came from, only to see Hanzo sitting a floor lower than usual. “Well,” Jesse shrugged, “Yeah, I’m the one that has been tryin’ to contact ya so …” It was hard to hide the frustration and pain in his voice and he was pretty sure he did a terrible job of it. He could see Hanzo visibly tense in his shoulders but the archer’s head did not turn to meet him. “Goin’ to tell me why you’ve been avoidin’ me lately?” Hanzo hummed, and Jesse wasn’t sure if that was to confirm or deny his question. “I...I’ve been having doubts. About us, lately.” The archer said, his voice hardly even faltering as he spoke. Jesse’s heart sank into his stomach. It was something he had been afraid of, since their first day together to be precise. Who would want to be in a relationship with someone who had so many issues? On the surface, Jesse looked like a happy spirit. He was smiling, charming and surrounded by friends. Who each, without exception, seemed to adore and trust him. Yet, deep inside Jesse was afraid of being alone again. Afraid of being reminded of his own past, of betraying the trust his friends had in him and last but not least, of losing his head to deadeye. He tried to say something, but a lump in his throat prevented it from getting out. Jesse really thought that Hanzo might be the one that he’d spend the rest of his life with, for how long that would be with Overwatch. There was an uncomfortable tension and silence in the air, until Hanzo’s voice sharply cut through it. “When you pushed me aside during our mission, and overexerted yourself by using deadeye, I knew that…”, Hanzo’s fists where clenching on his lap and Jesse watched him with emotional eyes. “..that I am not worthy of you.” The cowboy’s body tensed in shock. Did Jesse hear it right? He blinked his tears away, his face straining to comprehend. “I am not worthy of your commitment. I should not even be here. All my life, I’ve have searched for redemption and honor, but I am beyond redemption.” The brows on Hanzo’s forehead furrowed. “Hanzo..”, Jesse said softly, not harder than a whisper. “I have still not come to terms to what Genji has become, all because of my doing. How you can accept me is beyond my understanding, but you deserve better.” “Han-zo..”, Jesse said, a little louder this time. Hanzo continued forcefully, “You should not lower yourself and bring yourself in danger to be with me. You - “ “I decide whoever I deem ‘worthy’ of my protection and affection by my own!” The cowboy nearly yelled. The archer’s mouth stood open, mid-sentence, as it was now him trying to comprehend what was being said. “Hanzo,” Jesse said with a sigh, moving closer and jumping down with a little thud to sit next to the archer. “I know it hasn’t been easy for ya here. With Genji, gettin’ accustomed to Overwatch and all that..” It hadn’t been easy for Jesse either, right after the recall. It was very different from the way Blackwatch operated and while Jesse was good-willed, even his trust had to be earned by all the people he didn’t know. “But.. I’m serious when I say I want us to work. I...I want this to last. It’s not like ain’t got my own issues either. If things are botherin’ ya, please, just talk to me. Last few days really hurt…” Hanzo looked at Jesse for the first time tonight, the archer’s heart clenching in his chest as he saw what kind of suffering he inflicted on the man. “Jesse,” his voice crackled with emotion this time, “I can only hurt you more. It will be best if - “ “Stop tryin’ to tell me what’s best for me!” Jesse said with frustration. “Y’don’t get to decide that. Just accept me, and how I feel about ya for what it is. I chose to protect ya and use deadeye, I chose to be with ya and I’ve been happier than I’ve been in years.” It remained silent for a moment after that, Jesse taking some deep breaths to calm himself while Hanzo seemed to let the words sink in. “Really…?” Hanzo’s voice sounded soft and filled with disbelief. Jesse gave a soft sigh. “Yeah, sugar. Ya help me to keep goin’ and try my hardest to be my best self. And I hope I do the same for you, and if I do, then I think it’s best for you if y’allow me to stay by yer side.” Hanzo’s lips curved into a very little smile, though his eyes stared back at his own lap. It had never been his intention to hurt Jesse, but Hanzo was convinced this was the inevitable outcome of their relationship. Perhaps, it was better to learn how to communicate though Hanzo wasn’t someone that easily changed his convictions. “I...I apologize for worrying you. I...I haven’t been seriously involved with anyone like this before. The clan didn’t allow me to waste time on such matters and I…” A thumb tilted Hanzo’s chin, turned his head so that Jesse could lean in and press a kiss on his lips. It was soft, sweet and soothing and both men felt their worries melt away. Jesse’s touches always had the knack of doing so and Hanzo nearly forgot why he was so conflicted in the first place. “S’okay, darlin’.” Jesse said as he broke away from their kiss. “Ya might be broken, but so am I.” Hanzo chuckled at that. “Yes, perhaps…” Jesse smiled, warmly and tiredly. His arm wrapped around Hanzo’s waist and for a moment they did nothing but silently lean against each other and taking in each other’s scents and presence. It was getting harder for Jesse to keep his eyes open however. He caught himself dozing off, snapping upwards as he startled himself awake again. He had no clue how much time they spent here, but it was time to get their well-deserved rest. “Let’s go call it a night for now. I don’t know ‘bout you but I’m mighty tired. I’ve haven’t slept so well these past few days…” Jesse said admittedly, implying the fact that he, and Hanzo, slept alone these last few nights. “Hm.” Hanzo said in that familiar cocky tone of his, albeit with a hint of sleepiness. “Let’s change that, then.”

#mchanzo #mccree #hanzo #fic #overwatch #2kish #alittlelongerthanIexpectedoops #badatcommunicating #bothboysaresobroken #insertingsomepersonalheadcanonsaboutdeadeyehere #isthisangst?#Iusuallyonlywritesappyshit #happyendingthough #mybullshitwriting

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