#it's maybe bc since mai became one of my favorites

[fordiaz]

I Love You, I’m Sorry (Eddie Diaz) 𓍯 ִ⋆.˚ 💋ྀིྀི ⋆

“Eddie, loving someone doesn’t mean they’re going to leave you. You’ve lived like the next loss is always around the corner, but she wasn’t trying to go anywhere. You pushed her out.” . ݁₊ 🩸⊹ . ݁💉˖ . ݁

Synopsis: You and Eddie have always shared something deeper than friendship — an unspoken connection that lingers in every glance, every laugh, every brush of a hand. But when Eddie realizes just how much power you hold over his heart, fear sets in. He pulls away, leaving you confused and heartbroken. When you confront him, he denies everything, leaving you shattered. As time passes, it becomes clear to everyone around you that you’re both falling apart without each other. Eventually, it takes a push — maybe from Buck — for Eddie to finally confront the truth he’s been running from: he’s always loved you, and he may have already lost his chance.

Genre: Romance, Angst, Slowburn, Mutual Pining, Fluff

AU: None

Pairing: Eddie Diaz x Afab!Reader

Warnings: Eddie’s an asshole but he didn’t mean to bc he runs away from his problems (😭)

Note: This was a request from my inbox (in my ask box tag) and I thought the plot was super interesting since it falls right into the genre of fics that I produce. Thank you to the anon who gave me a whole run down on the story! Happy reading and as always, every like + reblog and comment is highly appreciated.

There’s always been something quietly comfortable about being around Eddie.

You’re not sure when it started — the ease, the intimacy, the way your lives naturally bled into each other — but at some point, it became second nature.

His house was your second home. Christopher knew your coffee order and your favorite snacks. You knew which cabinet Eddie kept his aspirin in and which way the bathroom door creaked if you didn’t close it properly.

He never had to ask you to stay longer when you were over; your presence was a given.

You brought takeout on your nights off and folded his laundry when he forgot it in the dryer. He poured you a glass of wine after long shifts and let you steal his hoodie when it was late and you didn’t feel like going home.

There were no declarations. No spoken rules. Just the quiet way he always looked for you in a room, how he made sure to pour your coffee just the way you liked it — two sugars, no cream — or how his shoulder would graze yours when you walked side by side, like it couldn’t help but lean in your direction.

It wasn’t romantic. Not officially.

But God, if it didn’t feel like the most real thing in your life.

Sometimes he’d sit beside you on the couch, a little too close, and your thighs would touch for minutes on end. Neither of you moved.

You’d both pretend not to notice, but the air between you shifted. Grew warm. Familiar. Intimate. He’d chuckle at something on TV, and you’d smile because his laughter was your favorite kind of peace.

And the glances… those glances stayed too long to be casual. Like when you’d say something in passing and he’d stare at you as if he was memorizing your words — as if they mattered more than you knew.

His gaze would dip to your lips sometimes when you weren’t speaking, and you tried to tell yourself you imagined it, but deep down, you knew better.

Everyone else saw it too.

“Okay, seriously,” Buck said one night after a shift, arms crossed and eyebrows raised. “Are you two ever going to admit you’re in love or are we all just going to die waiting?”

You rolled your eyes and laughed it off. So did Eddie.

“We’re just friends,” you both said in near-perfect unison, which only made Hen groan.

“Uh-huh. Friends,” Chimney muttered, sipping his coffee like he was watching a slow-burn rom-com unfold in real time.

“Friends who look at each other like they’re planning to die in each other’s arms.”

It was embarrassing — the way the team teased — but it was also validating in a weird, terrifying kind of way. Because you’d started to feel it too.

The shift.

The tiny changes.

It happened quietly. The way he started opening up more. How his voice softened when he talked to you, how his eyes searched yours when he wasn’t sure of himself.

The way you reached for him automatically during calls, always scanning the wreckage for each other before anything else. And maybe the moment that hit you hardest: when you caught yourself thinking about him as home. Not just his house or his presence, but Eddie.

He was home.

And that terrified you.

Because if it was real — if this thing between you was more than friendship — it meant you had everything to lose.

Still, the idea nestled in your chest and refused to leave. You thought about what it would feel like to kiss him. To wake up in his arms. To be loved by him fully and openly.

You thought about Christopher, about Sunday mornings and slow coffee and a life that maybe, just maybe, could be yours too.

But nothing was ever said.

Not out loud.

Because maybe he didn’t feel the same. Or maybe he did, and was just too afraid to say it. Either way, you weren’t sure who’d be brave enough to say it first.

But something was building between you.

You could feel it every time he looked at you like you were the center of his universe. Like he was one breath away from telling you everything.

And honestly? You were starting to wish he would.

It starts small.

A missed call here. A shorter reply there.

You don’t think anything of it at first. People get busy. Shifts get hectic. Life happens. You give him grace — because that’s what you do for people you love.

But then it starts to happen more.

He stops texting back as quickly. Your usual post-shift dinners turn into silence. The calls you used to get at 11PM — just to hear your voice before bed — go unanswered. He still smiles when he sees you at the station, still asks if you’re okay after a tough call, but it’s like he’s flicking a switch now.

Friendly. Polite. Detached.

And it hurts. It hurts like hell.

You try not to show it. You tell yourself maybe he’s going through something, that he’ll talk to you when he’s ready. Because this is Eddie — he doesn’t always know how to open the door when he’s hurting.

You’ve seen him do this before with others. But never with you.

Not like this.

One night, you knock on his door with your usual coffee order, the kind gesture that used to earn you a soft smile and a “You didn’t have to, but I’m glad you did.”

This time, when he opens the door, he looks surprised. Like he wasn’t expecting you. Like he doesn’t know how to be around you anymore.

“Oh,” he says, eyes darting behind him. “Hey.”

“Hey,” you reply, holding out the drink like some kind of peace offering. “Thought you could use this.”

He hesitates, then takes it from you. “Thanks.”

You stand there for a moment. Waiting. Hoping he’ll invite you in like always. But he doesn’t move.

“Is everything okay?” you ask softly. “You’ve been… different.”

“I’ve just been tired,” he says quickly. Too quickly.

“A lot on my mind.”

You nod slowly, trying not to let the sting show. “Okay. Well… I’m here if you want to talk.”

He nods once, almost absently. “I know.”

But he doesn’t invite you in.

And that night, for the first time in months, you don’t fall asleep knowing how his day went. You don’t feel like his person anymore.

At the station, it becomes harder to ignore.

He avoids lingering too long. Doesn’t sit beside you at the kitchen table anymore. Talks to Buck and Chimney and Hen like nothing’s wrong — and maybe to them, there isn’t — but you feel the distance like a cold draft under the door.

It becomes unbearable.

And one day, when you catch him alone in the locker room, you finally say what’s been aching in your chest.

“Why are you pushing me away?”

Eddie freezes, halfway into zipping up his jacket. “I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.” Your voice cracks. “You don’t answer my calls, you barely look at me when I talk to you, and I feel like I lost my best friend without even knowing what I did wrong.”

He swallows hard. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Then what is it?” you demand. “Did I cross a line? Did I make you uncomfortable? Because I swear, if it’s something I said or did, I’ll—”

“It’s not you,” he interrupts, voice low, eyes finally meeting yours. “It’s me.”

You let out a shaky breath, because how cliché. “That’s not an answer, Eddie.”

He hesitates. Looks down at the floor like it might help him find the words.

“I care about you too much,” he says finally, voice barely above a whisper.

Your heart stutters. “And that’s… a bad thing?”

“It is when I don’t know what to do with it.” His eyes flash with something unspoken — pain, maybe, or guilt.

“You don’t understand what it’s like. To have someone mean so much, to love someone so much, that you start to lose your grip on everything else. That terrifies me.”

Your breath catches.

“Eddie…”

“I’ve already lost too much,” he says. “Shannon. The idea of loving someone again—loving you—and losing it? I don’t know if I could survive that.”

You step closer, heart hammering in your chest.

“You don’t have to be afraid of your feelings. I feel it too. We’re not just friends and you know it.”

His jaw tightens. “It’s all in your head.”

The words hit like a slap. You actually flinch.

“No,” you whisper, eyes burning. “Don’t do that. Don’t pretend it wasn’t real.”

“I’m not pretending. I’m telling you the truth.”

You stare at him for a long moment, waiting for him to break. To take it back. To tell you he’s lying.

But he doesn’t.

So you nod, jaw trembling, and back away.

“Okay,” you say softly. “If that’s how you really feel.”

And you walk out of the room, out of the station, out of whatever almost was between you — your heart shattering silently inside your chest.

He doesn’t follow you.

Yet, a part of him wants to.

You don’t slam the door. You don’t raise your voice. You just leave.

Quietly. With the kind of heartbreak that doesn’t need sound to be loud.

And Eddie stands there in the locker room, frozen in the hollow silence you leave behind.

Fuck, he wants to go after you. Every part of him screams to. His legs twitch like they might move on their own. His chest is tight with everything he didn’t say.

But he doesn’t.

Because if he does, he won’t be able to lie anymore.

And the truth?

The truth is you mean too much.

You got under his skin in ways no one else ever has. Not Shannon. Not Ana. Not Marisol. Not anyone.

You’re woven into the little things:

How his day feels lighter when you smile at him across the firehouse kitchen. How he sleeps better after hearing your voice. How he’s memorized the way you take your coffee, and how his hands gravitate toward you even when he’s not thinking.

How you looked at him like he was safe.

And now? Now it’s too much.

Because the last time he let someone that far in, he lost her. And the fallout nearly destroyed him — nearly destroyed Christopher.

He can’t afford that again. Not for himself. Not for his son.

Not even for you.

But God, he wants to.

He wants to tell you that he lied. That it’s not all in your head. That every night he spent distancing himself from you, he stared at his ceiling wishing he had the courage to love you out loud. That he hears your laugh when you’re not even in the room. That it’s you. It’s always been you.

But the fear is louder.

The fear says: What if it all falls apart?

What if you get tired of him? What if he’s not enough?

What if Christopher gets attached and you walk away too?

Eddie Diaz has survived fire, gunfire, and grief.

But loving you — losing you — that’s a battle he doesn’t think he’d survive.

So he lets you go.

At least for now.

At least until the ache of not having you outweighs the terror of loving you.

And as he finally slumps down on the bench, head in his hands, Eddie whispers to himself the truth he couldn’t say to your face:

“I love you.”

You’re still there.

You show up to shifts. You answer your calls. You laugh at Chim’s dumb jokes, take your turn cooking in the firehouse kitchen, and go on like nothing’s shattered.

But it has shattered.

And everyone can feel it.

Especially him.

Eddie doesn’t sit next to you anymore. Not unless the lineup forces it. And when he does, he doesn’t speak much — like your presence stings, like proximity might burn him alive.

Which is ironic, because you’re the one feeling scorched.

There’s a hole in your chest where he used to be. The silence between you is louder than the sirens that wail from the truck. It fills the kitchen, the locker room, the back of the rig, the pause before you slide into your bunk at the end of the night.

He tore the thread between you with trembling hands and didn’t have the courage to stitch it back.

And you’re left holding it, frayed and useless, wondering how the hell you’re supposed to stop loving someone who never really gave you a chance to.

Buck is the first one who notices the real damage.

He knocks on your door a week after the blowout. Shows up with Chinese takeout and a bottle of wine that he absolutely wasn’t supposed to expense, but “Chim won’t know if we drink it fast.”

He doesn’t ask what happened. He doesn’t need to.

“You can talk,” he says softly, passing you a spring roll. “Or you can just sit here and hate-watch rom-coms with me.”

You try. You really do. You sit beside him with your knees tucked to your chest, and you try to laugh at whatever stupid movie’s playing — but it cracks something open instead.

“I don’t get it,” you say, eyes fixed on the flickering TV screen. “He was right there, Buck. We were right there.”

Buck doesn’t tell you it’s okay. He doesn’t say Eddie didn’t mean it. He just nods and says, “Yeah. I know.”

Because he does know. He’s been in that liminal space between almost and never. He’s lived with a heart that wanted too much.

So he lets you cry. He sits there while your voice breaks and your mascara runs, and you tell him how much it hurts to love someone who’s too afraid to love you back.

At the station, things feel colder.

Hen pulls you into more calls than usual, always with a hand on your shoulder or a glance like, I’m here.

Chim tries to make you laugh too hard, and you let him — for their sake. Not yours. Even Bobby gives you a longer look during lineups, like he’s making sure you’re still steady on your feet.

But Eddie? Eddie’s unraveling.

He’s sharper with his words. Slower to smile. Quicker to volunteer for high-risk entries — the kind that make Buck flinch.

And Buck’s watching him, arms crossed, jaw tight, because he’s done waiting for Eddie to fix this.

“You’re miserable,” Buck snaps one night in the locker room, voice low and cutting. Eddie looks up from where he’s lacing his boots, surprised.

“What?”

“She’s miserable. You’re miserable. And for what? Because you’re scared? Because it’s easier to push her away than admit you love her?”

Eddie says nothing. Just clenches his jaw, like the truth might slip out if he lets his lips part for too long.

“You’re not protecting her,” Buck says. “You’re punishing her for making you feel something real. And you’re punishing yourself too.”

Eddie stands, tense. “It’s not that simple.”

“It is that simple,” Buck says, stepping closer.

“You’re not a scared kid anymore. You’re a man. You’re a father. You know what love looks like. You had it in front of you and you shoved it away.”

Eddie looks away. His shoulders sag. His voice is quieter now.

“I didn’t want to break her heart.”

Buck scoffs. “Well, too late. But you can still fix it. Unless you wait too long and someone else does.”

The words land like a gut punch. Someone else.

That thought had been haunting Eddie for weeks — the way Buck looked at you now with that softness, that fierce protectiveness.

He sees how you smile at Buck even through your heartbreak. And he knows — he knows — that if he doesn’t move soon, he’ll lose you for good.

Eddie doesn’t know when the house stopped feeling like home.

Maybe it was the way the sunlight pours in on Saturday mornings and doesn’t land where you used to sit on his couch, coffee in hand, laughter soft as wind.

Maybe it’s the quiet—too quiet—like something’s been vacuum-sealed from his life, and no matter how loud the world gets around him, he can’t unhear the absence of you.

Chris asked about you the other night.

“Why doesn’t she come around anymore?”

And Eddie, sitting on the edge of his son’s bed, couldn’t find a real answer. He lied, gently, the way people do when they’re trying not to bleed on the people they love.

“She’s been busy, bud. Just life stuff.”

But Chris is too smart for that. He didn’t press—he just nodded and turned to face the wall.

That silence haunted Eddie more than anything.

He finds himself at Hen and Karen’s, one of the few people who’s always seen through his best performances. He tells them he needed someone to talk to. Karen hands him tea before he even asks.

“So.” Karen folds her arms. “How long are you going to pretend you didn’t break your own heart?”

Eddie lets out a humorless laugh. “Is it that obvious?”

“To everyone but you, apparently.”

He sinks into the couch. “I just… I didn’t mean to hurt her.”

“But you did,” Hen says. “And you’re hurting, too. It’s written all over you.”

“I thought if I kept some distance, it’d make it easier. Like… if I never said anything, she could walk away if she wanted. And I wouldn’t have to fall apart when she did.”

Karen’s expression softens.

“Eddie, loving someone doesn’t mean they’re going to leave you. You’ve lived like the next loss is always around the corner, but she wasn’t trying to go anywhere. You pushed her out.”

“I know,” he admits, voice raw.

“I was terrified. Of how much I loved her. Of how easy it was. And how… permanent it felt. Like once I let it in, I’d never come back from it.”

“And now?” Hen asks.

He doesn’t speak right away. He just stares at the tea cup in his hands like it holds all the answers he’s too afraid to say aloud. But eventually, the truth peels itself out of him.

“I love her,” he breathes. “God, I’m in love with her.”

Later, he’s on a late shift with Bobby, just the two of them by the rig. Bobby doesn’t pry—not at first—but he looks up after a long stretch of silence and simply says:

“You ready to stop punishing yourself?”

Eddie laughs, low and tired. “I don’t know how.”

“Yes, you do,” Bobby replies. “You just have to stop running. You’ve been in survival mode for so long, you forgot what it’s like to choose joy.”

Eddie leans against the counter, voice barely audible.

“I think she was my joy.”

Bobby nods. “Then go get her back. You still have time.”

That night, Eddie lies in bed staring at the ceiling, and for once, he doesn’t picture all the ways he could lose you. He pictures what it would feel like to hold your hand again. To tell you the truth.

To stop being afraid of a heart that beats a little louder when you’re near.

And he decides—finally—that it’s time.

He’s done running.

It’s raining when he knocks.

Not the kind of gentle drizzle that clings to windows like a whisper, but a downpour—relentless, cold, unforgiving.

It’s been weeks since you last saw Eddie in anything more than passing glances at the firehouse, and longer still since you heard his voice say your name without flinching.

You almost don’t open the door.

But when you check the peephole, and you see him standing there—soaked to the bone, eyes like bruises, shoulders sagging—you can’t bring yourself to walk away.

You crack the door open just enough to lean against it. You don’t invite him in.

“Really?” you say quietly. “Now you show up?”

Eddie’s lips part, but he doesn’t speak right away. You almost think he won’t.

“I know I have no right to be here,” he finally says, voice gravel-thick and wet with regret. “But I couldn’t— I couldn’t keep doing this. Not after everything.”

You cross your arms, biting back the ache in your throat.

“Everything like what, Eddie? Like telling me it was all in my head? Like pretending none of it meant anything?”

He flinches.

“I was trying to protect something,” he says. “I just didn’t realize I was destroying it at the same time.”

You open the door a little wider, just enough for him to see the anger that still flickers in your chest—anger born from heartbreak, not hate.

“Protect what exactly? Yourself? Because I sure as hell wasn’t protected when you said all those things. You made me feel insane for loving you.”

“I didn’t mean to,” he says instantly, stepping forward but stopping himself short.

“I thought if I kept you at arm’s length, maybe I wouldn’t lose you completely. I’ve lost people before—people I loved. And you—”

He swallows thickly, shaking his head.

“You scared me more than anyone ever has.”

That stings.

You let it.

“That’s not an excuse,” you say, voice firm even as your hands start to tremble.

“You don’t get to burn down what we had just because it scared you. You don’t get to come back when I’ve barely figured out how to function without you.”

“I know,” he says, and he means it. You can see it in the way his jaw tightens, the way his shoulders curl inward like he’s folding under the weight of it all.

“I lied,” he says softly. “That night. When I said I didn’t love you.”

You glance away, jaw clenched.

“I was scared. I still am. But the truth is… I’m more scared of never getting to tell you how much I do love you.”

The silence that follows is thick and heavy, and for a moment, all you can hear is the rain pounding against the pavement and the thunder rolling overhead.

“Eddie,” you say quietly. “You broke my heart.”

“I know,” he breathes, voice wrecked.

“And I’ll spend as long as it takes trying to make up for that. I don’t expect you to forgive me. I don’t expect you to trust me. But I needed you to know that I see it now. I see you. I love you. And I never stopped.”

You stare at him for a long time, and he doesn’t fill the silence with more words. He just stands there, letting it rain, letting it hurt.

Eventually, you step aside.

“Come inside before you catch a cold.”

He does. Carefully. As though you might change your mind at any second.

He peels off his soaked jacket and stands awkwardly in your living room, dripping water onto the rug he once helped you pick out on a lazy Sunday afternoon—back when things were still unspoken but full of promise.

“You still love me?” he asks, quietly, almost afraid of the answer.

You don’t answer right away.

Instead, you walk toward him, stopping close enough to feel the warmth radiating from his chest.

Your fingers brush over his shirt, soaked and clinging, and you look up at him through lashes heavy with everything you’ve carried.

“Of course I do,” you whisper. “That’s why it hurt so much.”

He exhales shakily, and for the first time in weeks, you see the man you knew—the one who carried your heart like something fragile and precious, even when he didn’t have the words for it.

“I’m still angry,” you warn.

“You have every right to be.”

“I’m not just going to forget it all overnight.”

“I wouldn’t ask you to.”

You stare at each other, storm still howling outside, hearts both threadbare and somehow still beating in tandem.

And when you kiss—finally—it isn’t perfect.

It’s desperate. It’s trembling. It’s soaked in tears and rain and months of unspoken longing.

But it’s real.

And when he presses his forehead to yours, holding you like the world might split open, you realize that maybe love was never supposed to be fearless.

It was just supposed to be brave.

Falling asleep next to Eddie Diaz becomes a ritual you never thought you’d have the right to experience.

Not after the heartbreak, the months of silence, the tear-stained pillowcases, and the long nights spent wondering if you’d imagined it all.

Not after the ache of watching him walk away from something he felt as deeply as you did. But now, with his arm looped around your waist and his breath slow and even against the back of your neck, it feels like the most natural thing in the world.

Like it was always supposed to be this way.

Your mornings are slow now ever since you started sleeping at the Diaz household.

The world still spins fast around you—calls come in, emergencies rise like tides, and grief still knocks on your door sometimes. But in the stillness of sunrise, before the rest of the world wakes up, you and Eddie find time to just be.

You’ve gotten into the habit of making coffee while still wearing his hoodie, sleeves falling past your fingertips, the scent of him wrapped around you like armor.

He pretends not to notice, but there’s always a soft little smile tugging at his mouth when he sees you in it.

“You know, you do own clothes your size,” he says one morning, voice still rough from sleep.

You shrug. “But yours are warmer.”

He pulls you into his chest with a soft grunt and presses a kiss to your temple. “Can’t argue with that.”

After rough shifts, you hold his hand on the ride back to the firehouse.

Sometimes, you don’t even realize you’ve reached for it until you feel his thumb rub slow circles into your knuckles.

It’s never for show. It’s never performative. It’s just… comfort. Constant. Quiet. Sure.

You don’t need words to know what he’s thinking when he squeezes your hand just a little tighter after a difficult call. You just lean your head onto his shoulder and let him breathe.

On another note, Christopher loves having you around again.

Not in the polite, oh-she’s-nice way—but in the real, deep-bonded way that tells you you’ve become something sacred in his world.

After school pickups are his favorite, and even when it’s supposed to be Eddie’s turn, he asks if you can come too.

“Dad says you’re better at choosing snacks,” he tells you with a grin, swinging his backpack onto your back like it’s already your job.

You catch Eddie giving you a soft look through the window of the car. One that says, This. This is it. This is everything I almost threw away.

Sometimes, Chris falls asleep on your shoulder on the ride home when you’re sitting at the back. And sometimes, Eddie takes a picture of it on his phone, storing it somewhere private. Safe.

The teasing from the team is merciless—but warm.

Hen grins at you during lunch and nudges your foot under the table.

“You know, we had a pool going on. I won thirty bucks.”

Chimney raises a brow. “You all owe me. I called it two years ago.”

You shoot Eddie a look, but he’s barely pretending to be bashful.

“It wasn’t exactly subtle,” Buck adds, leaning back in his chair. “The way you two looked at each other? Come on.”

“I don’t remember you saying anything that night I told her I didn’t love her,” Eddie says dryly, smirking.

Buck raises his hands. “I was giving you time to figure out you’re a dumbass. Took longer than expected.”

There’s laughter. Real, full-bellied laughter. The kind that makes your ribs hurt in the best way.

But what gets you most is this: Eddie laughs too.

Like a man no longer holding his breath.

At night, you lie curled up in bed with him, the lamp casting soft light across his face. He’s reading something quietly, one hand draped over your hip, thumb tracing idle patterns into your skin like a habit he doesn’t want to break.

You study him sometimes. The way he softens now. How his smiles last longer. How his laughter comes easier. How he kisses you with both urgency and reverence, like he’s still making up for lost time.

“I think I stopped breathing for a while,” he murmurs one night. “When we weren’t… us.”

You look up at him. “Me too.”

He touches your cheek. “You bring me back to myself. Every time.”

You lean into him, heart swelling.

“That’s all I ever wanted to do.”

He presses his lips to your forehead, and you breathe together in the dark, the quiet warmth of the home you’ve built finally wrapping around you both.

Eddie Diaz once believed love was something you had to guard yourself against. That loving too much meant losing too hard. But now, with your head on his chest and your voice whispering sleepy dreams against his skin, he knows better.

Loving you didn’t ruin him.

It saved him.

And this—this gentle, messy, beautiful life—is everything he almost gave up.

But not anymore.

Now, he holds it all in his arms and doesn’t let go. Not ever again.

© fordiaz 25’ -. no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any manner without the permission from the publisher.

[frutijuice]

Kinda ironic that Tommy is a speedster, but is constantly left behind by the people around him (even by Marvel Comics itself)

Like, everyone around him has lifes of their own, his biological parents live separately and it seems like neither of them want Tommy to be actively in their lives.

Even though he calls Wanda "mom" or Billy "brother," neither of them are really family to him, Wanda has her life and her problems, she doesn't act like a mother to him, not even like a mentor, their relationship is good enough but it's not deep.

And even though Billy was the one who supported the theory that the two of them are Wanda's reincarnated twins, after revealing the truth, he has his own things to focus on, Billy has loving biological parents and two real brothers, plus the best boyfriend in the universe, he even goes to space and gets married.

The best thing that Tommy had was the Young Avengers, and I adore them, but I also can't deny that Kate used him to later stay with Eli, and later she uses him again when she is angry at Noh-Varr, and after Children's Crusade when the Young Avengers split up, what Tommy wanted most was for them to stay together.

And what happens when a new Young Avengers line-up begins to form? Tommy is "kidnapped" 💀 My dude is literally left out of the whole adventure that he wanted the most, and he didn't really form any bond with any of the new members other than David.

I ask a sincere question, what friends does Tommy have? Lmaooo, seriously 😭 because David was the only one from what I remember and after they date for a while they break up off the page.

Tommy has never had a stable enough relationship, and everyone he knows has friends or other superhero teams more important than him, Tommy has only been in the Young Avengers and his appearances are so few and short that it's almost as if he's not there.

And since Marvel hates giving my boy time we literally never have a clue what's going on in his head, but let me doubt that after being labeled as the "sociopath" problem boy with no feelings, it literally won't affect him at all 💀 That facade he puts up is literally a defense mechanism, we've seen his real opinions a few times and he's not like that, he does care about his friends, he may not think about things much but when his life is lonely and the world is too slow I think it is impossible to ignore, idk.

I know it's a lot of text but I'm on the path to read all the comics in which Tommy appears, bc I never thought he would interest me so much but he became my favorite character and now I can't stand how Marvel always gives him leftovers.

And maybe what I said doesn't bother him as a character, or in the future my opinion will be proven wrong, but if Marvel never shows us anything about him, all I have to deduce what's going on in his life is the miserable information they give us.

[awsugar]

And I forgot about the DRUMS!!! I think this is an album they may have been working on for years. I think they are going for a magnum opus

yea so i read this went you sent it at 6am cause ive been out of work sick for a few days now and my sleep is allll messed up. and i tinhatted EXTREMELY close to the sun on this one. but i kind of think im cooking. so let me explain.

also ill just say i think because we know somethings coming but we dont know what BUT we know there are threads throughout somehow connecting things from years prior like. all tinhatting is plausible until proven otherwise. if we want to draw a connection between two things we CAN. and i think thats why im so on board with mcr5 now when i havent been since 2019. bc ive done this before. i was in the trenches for the danger days rollout/promo and the transmissions on the website and everything and THAT was one of the most exciting times of my life and THIS reminds me of that. im glad people never gave up on mcr5 but they never gave me ENOUGH before now to really run with. and now they have and its a free for all. THIS is what being an mcr fan is about. tbh. this is what this fandom has been missing for AGES. when they dont give us teasers and lore and crpytic messages we devolve into like theorizing and arguing with each other about who they are as people. but this is the basis of mcr community to me....getting together with your pals inside your phone and inside your laptop (who now have grown ito irl friends for so many of us) and dissecting every shred of info they give us. thank god for my chemical romance.

ANYWAY sorry that. went down a path i didnt intend when i started. so yes um so what you said about them going for a magnum opus. let me tell you a little story. when i was in my first year of being a my chem fan, i was 13, i became QUICKLY obsessed, first with the black parade and then after i spent i think 2 months straight listening to nothing but the black parade on repeat all day every day (literally) i ventured into their other stuff and got like really sucked in to everything else, reading articles and interviews and watching every video of them youtube had to offer and talking about them 24/7 on the forums instead of doing homework, i would sneak the family laptop into my room at night so i could keep reading about them and talking about them instead of having to go to sleep it was THE most exhilarating and exciting time of my life. anyway. i remember (16 years later) reading a specific review of the black parade that said something like "my chemical romance will never top this album and they know it" and i STILL REMEMBER sitting on the couch and crying over it. because i had never listened to music that had made such an impact on me as the black parade IN MY LIFE. nothing had ever made me feel that way and that strongly as listening to that album. you know how we all always say we wish we could listen to my chem for the first time again just to have that feeling again. that was me. i had never experienced an album of their when it came out and i felt like the author of the article was telling me that i would basically never acheive that high again. it was devastating. i promise this is relevant. bc regardless of your PERSONAL FAVORITE my chem album, it is generally agreed upon that the black parade is their magnum opus. it just is. both in scale and musically and its impact on pop culture and its the best known to a general audience.

so you say they're going for a magnum opus. when the black parade is DEAD. they killed it. (in the new lore they were sent to the MOAT which i assume is some kind of exile and stripping of their status as the national band)

and so i started thinking about "in the face of extermination say FUCK YOU" and i think this applies here two-fold actually. MAYBE 3-fold. on one hand, in-universe. extermination being the concrete age, the dictator holding the people down and exterminating their livelihood. but also the extermination of the black parade! and then - irl - we have the extermination of mcr's chances of doing something huge again like this. music publications resigning them as soon as the album came out to never achieving something as epic and grand as that again.

and the FUCK YOU being, the opposition of the dictator from the people, the black parade being reinstated but? maybe they have plans to overthrow the dictator? IRL mcr saying fuck you, we can actually use the concept that you said was the best we would ever do, completely turn it on its head, and make something even more grandiose and epic and MAGNUM OPUS.

and also hail just reminded me obv of the UNKILLABLES drumhead in sydney. which both relates to franks personal experience there but also like. with this concept of in the face of extermination say fuck you. along with his end of tour post being a cockroach, notoriously unkillable! notoriously a target for extermination!!!!

god theres so many layers to this but i needed to get it off my chest do you still like me

[tf2occontest]

Flynn McKinney VS Maple Linwood/The Marksman

(Full matchup list here)

Alright team, here's a recap: This is a contest to determine who amongst you will take the top of the leaderboards and be hired at TFI! Simply put, whoever gets the most votes gets to move on, and whoever doesn't... Well. They'll be put down swiftly and cleanly. :}

So, mann your stations, because here are your contestants! Vote for your favorite mercenary who you want to win the TF2 OC Contest! - P

OC INFO UNDER THE CUT!

We highly encourage you to take a peek to make your decision!

Flynn McKinney

@connicoxd

Image credit: @/connicoxd

Flynn is a huntsman sniper. Flynn is honestly one of my more undeveloped ocs, but this is why I wanted to enter him in this contest, so I could put time into developing him more, and I've found myself liking him more and more since I've spent so much time focused on him. I think he's a pretty interesting character and I would be over the moon if he won.

Moving onto lore, Flynn didn't have a good upbringing, his uncle was the only adult in his life who wasn't mistreating him, and his uncle happens to be his biggest inspiration. When he became a legal adult, he left his abusive parents and moved in with his uncle whilst he was trying to get himself a stable job and home, eventually getting a job at Mann.Co as a sniper.

Flynn gets along with all his fellow mercs, he may have moments where he doesn't always get along, but he mostly just gets on with his day. He's closest to the team's Heavy, Dominik, who is his boyfriend. However he cannot stand the team's Spy, Asher, who he personally feels is judgemental and nit-picky towards him. When it came to why he decided to become a sniper, it all links back to his uncle, who, just like Flynn, was a sniper himself, eventually retiring so he could stay home and be near his nephew. Flynn's uncle taught him everything he knows, which inspired Flynn to pursue the same job his uncle had.

Maple Linwood/The Marksman

@fishiiwasdrawing

Image credit: @/fishiiwasdrawing

Marksman, or Maple Linwood, by her name you can already tell shes supposed to be like sniper, unlike him thoo, she uses a crossbow as a main weapon! (With the Karambit knife being her melee)

Traits? Shes sassy and sometime to the point person, but hey when she can shes like the mother of the group shes supposed to be a 10th class of the team, supporting sniper's job somewhat I never really tried to do these type of stuff, so I thought it'll be fun to join in! Uhm she shld win bc shes cool an allat /JOKE

Lore? Nothing much, shes just a child from a famous fashion designer, running away from home (after so much neglect from her mom)

How does she interact? Shes close to sniper (Ill give you exactly 5 sec to guess why), but she mostly have fun around them, they made her felt more welcome as a family than her mother can…, seeing Heavy as a father figure, and maybe close with Engineer (as friends) They were supposed to be like Sniper, in a way that her job was supposed to help his job easier (ending up in sniper and marksman on a rivalry, before they go and kiss eachother or smthn)

[roturo]

Hey there, I just found your blog and hope u have great day! May I request Gojo x small boobie reader since yk.. 🥲 u can add comfort if u want or not its up to u though ��‍♀️ i guess hes a canon tit guy due to his wallpaper was Waka Inoue but still i wonder how he'd react to his partner. Stay hydrated and take care of urself 🙏

SMALL BOOBS? NO PROBLEM!

warnings: smut, angst, unprotected sex, cunnilingus, fingering, dacryphilia, whimpering, insecure reader, p in v sex, praising, nipple biting, biting words: 1k.

A/N: is this me crying bc of one of my insecurities?, no, that's not me.

The first time you saw his wallpaper on his phone, it kinda broke your heart. You didn’t understand why of all the girls he has met, he chose you.

A man as handsome as him could easily get a girl with a big chest. So when he asked to be your boyfriend you thought he would just play with you.

The both of you already had sex some other times ago without making anything official. 

So when he planned to become your boyfriend he noticed your demeanor turning quieter, almost like you’re scared of something happening.

He tried to ask what’s wrong but you would always say anything is fine and give him a kiss to make him forget about that.

Which worked really well, until you became distant, not totally, but him watching you not wanting to be part of his go outs with friends, or not even going out with him, it caused him to be insecure of this relationship.

And he started noticing you covering up more of your body with clothes bigger than you. He didn’t like that. He loved your body.

So when things started to heat up one day and you said you weren't in the mood he finally broke down.

‘Baby what's wrong? You’ve been so different these days, am I doing something wrong? Did you find someone else?’ His voice sounded like it was about to break, never in his life he felt so vulnerable, the fear of losing you was eating him alive.

‘Please tell me what’s wrong,’ He cupped your cheeks with his hands, tears forming in your eyes, he looked at you, ‘I’ll fix it baby, please.’ His face changed from fear to sadness when he watched you break crying. Without a word he hugged you, keeping the comfortable silence in the room, ‘I’m sorry ‘toru…’ he pulled apart from your brace and looked at you confused. ‘What do you mean?..’ Your hiccups trying to remain your cries broke his heart. ‘I-im not the type of girl you want.’ It’s like his heart was cut into a thousand pieces when you said those words, ‘What? You’re totally the girl I want, why do you think that?’ He cupped your face again, 

‘Y-your  wallpaper.’ You made a gesture pointing his phone with your chin, your gaze immediately looking away from Gojo. ‘What’s wrong with my wallpaper?’ His brows furrowed, moving his body to grab his phone from the nightstand and then showing it to you.

It was a picture of the both of you. You are hugging him, face hidden on his chest while he smiles from teeth to teeth, eyes scrunching and hugging you back like his life depended on it. 

The background was full of trees, you remember it was the day he asked you to be your boyfriend. On the right side of the picture there’s a heart with your initials next to it.

Tears formed again in your eyes, turning his phone to search for anything related to his favorite actress, you saw his clear phone case with a polaroid he took of you one day the both of you went for a walk. You were eating an ice-cream, probably laughing at something Gojo said.

You looked so pretty.

You broke down crying again, feeling guilty. You explained to your boyfriend why you were acting like these and the insecurities you had, making you hide your body from yourself and him.  

He broke down crying too, he immediately hugged you, thinking what he did for you to make you think that down of him. ‘I’m so sorry baby, before we were together I was scared to use a picture of us since maybe you felt uncomfortable, my eyes belong to you, I don’t care if you have small breasts, you’re the most precious thing in my life. Every part of your body was made for me and it’s perfect that way, you don’t have to hide it from me.’ He connected his lips with yours, making you leave an unexpected moan.

His kisses started marking your neck and continuing what you were up to before. Í’m going to show you how much I love you baby.’ His hands traveled down your body and got under your shirt. Pinching your right nipple with his thumb and index finger, making you whine at the sudden action. ‘I’m so sorry princess, i’m so sorry for not telling you everyday how perfect you are,’

He undressed the both of you while giving you quick pecks which made the both of you giggle, his kisses on your neck went to your chest and he inserted one of your nipples inside his mouth. You moaned, while his free hand played with your other nipple, ‘So perfect f’me’

His free hand slandered through your body until it met your wet lips and started playing with your clit, teasing your hole, making you moan. His mouth switched to the other nipple, inserting his middle finger while he rubs your clit with his thumb. ‘My pretty girl, mine and only mine.’

You whined at the sudden lost sensation of his fingers inside of you, but that whine turned into a silent moan when he inserted his cock inside of you. ‘so ready and wet f’me. This pussy is mine. Your body is so beautiful my love.’ 

His thrusts were slow but hard, every thrust followed by a praise after it. Sloppy kisses between the both of you, and him just exploring your body with his hands like he didn’t do it a million of times before. But this time it was appreciating it, leaving his touch for you to remember how much he loves you no matter what.

‘Cum baby, mph-’ His words were interrupted with a whimper when he felt your hole clench at his words, ‘Let’s cum at the same time.’ His rhythim suddenly changed into a quicker pse but still hard thrusts. Whimpers felt out of his mouth, tears also forming on his eyes, all you could do was moan and say his name like a prayer.

‘A-Ah! So pretty… so perfect.’ The last thrust sent a sudden electric shock between the both of you, all you could see was white, legs shaking, he groaned in your shoulder before biting on it. His cock strips of cum coming out and filling you up.

‘I love you baby, never forget that.’

[suhnandmoon]

hello!!!! mini meme dump :D i hope you're doing great ^~^ random question that just popped into my head. would you ever consider making a jay smau . purely self indulgent question cause ive been jaying out since 2022 we're married in my head

my twitter timeline has genuinely been full of sonic tweets and i have no idea how that happened. i liked maybe One tweet mentioning sonic months ago i have no idea why im being bombarded now. no complaints except that i fear it may push me back into my sonic phase (which thankfully wasn't that obsessive to begin with since i was like 8 and it was shortlived. compared to fnaf...)

speaking of sonic. i was busy doing my daily mourning of how i cant play sonic riders because my ps2 is wayyy out of commission and i do not foresee a ps4/5 reboot ever happening and when i randomly googled "sonic riders online" i found out there is an ONLINE EMULATOR for the game. what the feep!!!!! i know what im doing this weekend.

honestly im kinda of a poser sonic fan because i really only like sonic riders.... and i only like it cause their character designs are so cool 😭 like hello wave the swallow and rouge the bat.... u cant get any cuntier than them.

also i just wanted to say i am Super happy i found your blog through dwmb which led to us being moots on sunnymain... in my head ur a microcelebrity so u have no idea how honoured i felt ... like who thought lil ole me would be moots with their favorite smau author who actually likes their memes... thank you for tagging me in those little tag games i actually have so much fun doing those despite hitting the instant reblog button too many times and having no one to tag 😭 ehmmm. no conclusion. Baiiiii hope you're doing well and resting in between your hellish classes

BLESSSSS UPPPPPPP ive missed these so much.. neeeded this…… loving the new pfp

as for a jay smau….. id have to be hit by a wave of inspiration… stupid for you was originally written for jay but i wasnt sure if i should do a jay or sunghoon smau and the people voted for sunghoon. i feel like my default for smaus is always heeseung until i get hit by an idea truck for someone else….

i have this one friend who i feel like accidentally became a huge sonic fan because of me so most of my sonic content comes from her sensing me instagram reels everyday

response to the meme dump hehe

1. im so convinced that this could be a screenshot of me (obviously not my disc) but this is me on the daily in my class discord channels. my brother says its quite sad…. let me play infinity nikki and genshin in peace

2. honestly i cant picture there being a difference photo othwr than that accidental one

5. this one breaks my heart im reading it in knuckles voice… its so him….

SONIC RIDERS EMULATOR LETS GOOOO i had to do that with pokemon black and white. and lowk i get u when u say u feel like a fake sonic fan bc my expertise only lies within sonic boom territory and the fact that i just love tails. its okay.. i consider the sonic fandom to be more of a state and we live in different cities according to what outlet of sonic u know most about

hehehehe i love being moots with you…. seriously i always say this but ur the one person who gets my work the most….. microcelebrity is so funny bc in my mind my only readers for my smaus are you and my 5ish other mutuals and thats who i post for. and thats it.

[scholarmercurio]

Hi ! Welcome to my blog !

My name is Mercury. Well, not exactly, but I love the name, and my ruling planet is mercury. I thought it was fitting.

A little about me

I am 26 years old, I owned two black cats, a dog, and a ferret. I love to read, drink tea, go on hikes, visit the beach, write screenplay, watch movies, and other stuff I will be sharing along the way.

Why scholarmercurio ?

well, here's the thing. I'm a returning college dropped out student at the moment.

you see, in the summer of 2024, i made the decision to return back to college. Shortly enough, I re-enrolled to my community college and started my studies in Fall 2024. We're now in Spring 2025 and finishing up the semester. Nice !

you see, I wanted to call it scholarmercurio bc I wanted a blog to record my studies, grades, effort, and blog about my study routine and share my thoughts. I usually write in my journal, but I wanted to try something new, and thus, my blog is born :)

why did I drop out (like approx. 5 times...yikes) ?

okay, okay. Was it 5 times ? mmhh, maybe ?? but numbers don't really matter, right ?

I don't remember exactly if it was 5 times, but it does feel like that. I started my college journey at 19 at my local community college. When I was in high school, I knew I didn't want to attend college. At least at that moment. I had other priorities: moving to NYC, attend community college, and then transfer to NYU. But at that time, my parents and one of my siblings weren't very supportive. I didn't have strong barriers, nor a strong mindset.

So I falter and decided to attend college at home. It actually went great. the first two semesters, I got A's and B's, and I was majoring in Biology for pre-vet. It wasn't so bad, but around the third semester, doubts and mental spirals started to brew. I started to see the classes I needed to take and the years it would take to finish. Then, the spiraling of my thoughts would go back and forth in what I want to study and become. It was a state of torment I stayed in for 6 years. I would take a class, dropped out of it, or take easy classes to pass, change my associate major to history, biology, back to history, to English, back to biology, and finished with an associate of arts in history. In January 2024, I self reflected a lot. I was working at a job I hated, and I was still lingering on an incomplete associate of science in biology degree, I was confused about what I wanted to do with my life. So that year before starting Fall 2024, I reflected a lot. I started to trace my steps back in how all this started and why I let it happen. I knew only one thing. I can't change my past, even though the feelings of wanting to were strong, but I can't change it. I had to really decide, linger on the past and remain stuck, or move forward and step into new challenges, where at least I won't be stuck.

I told myself that I would start classes in the fall. I got two classes since it was what I could afford at the time. physics 1 and intro chem.

side note: intro chem was the start of my mind spiraling and doubting, switching my major back and forth. I was struggling so badly, and other people around me were passing. I felt like an idiot not understanding basic chemistry.

I started my steps to my associate of science for biology. The semester went well, and I passed. What felt like I wasn't smart enough to take STEM classes became the start of doing your best, and keep moving forward.

So yeah, i may have dropped out 5 times and have probably 5 gaps, but I feel more confident in myself than I did 6 years ago. I still have a lot of things to reflect on, but those will be for other posts.

what's my major ?

good question ! since my favorite studies are history and biology, I wanted a career field that has both subjects together.

I couldn't think of anything at the time, so I asked chatgpt, and surprisingly enough, I found my career!

Musuem curator. Yes! it requires a degree in history, and if I want my experience and direction to work with artifacts and restoration, I would need a degree in biology or chemistry. Chemistry would be a more obvious choice, but for now, until I can speak to an advisor and transfer to a university, I will still be a biology major.

I am hoping to double major, and if not, then major into art history or natural history with a minor in chemistry. I love biology, but if chemistry is more suited degree to work in the career field I'm working towards, then so be it.

I took a long time and years of being stuck. I'm not afraid to fail or have setbacks. I already did that and know how it feels. Now, I want to know how it feels to have accomplishments and opportunities.

That's my motivation. Better my life. Enjoy my thirties and other ages, with a career that I love.

I have so many aspirations and dreams, but as I approach my thirties, I don’t want to remain in a lingering phase with nothing to show for. Instead, I will snap these dreams in a smaller portrait - accomplished and meaningful.

I will try to be active on my blog !

thank you for reading ! more to come soon !!

P.S. this is a study blog, so all posts will be about academic related post.

enjoy !

💌 best regards,

mercury

[caffeinefafnir]

TL;dr: how a simple hobby keeps me from collapsing (bc we really don't pay enough attention to mental health as a society)

So earlier this year I was writting a fanfic and that's been like, the only anchor to sanity I've had for a long while. I started out on a whim one night and spewed out around 10 pages in one night. I've started at 11pm and stayed up till 5am writting. It's been such a fucking nasty year (bc all the shit started last November actually) where I've been struggling with family issues, health issues, being unemployed and struggling financially, and then the feeling of being left behind when my partner got a job and I didn't, and a lage etc. Suddenly in May I got posessed by this supernatural impulse to write a fanfic after what felt like a lifetime (around 13 years). Days turned into months, one draft became 5 separate stories abt the same characters, I discovered what whump was thus rediscovering something I was really adept to without even realizing it, followed closely several challenges althougth never pressured myself to participate (bc deadlines and I don't get along) and on top of that I started a completely new story of a genre I had never dreamt of exploring before.

Around June I was writting a super emotional scene of my side fanfic. My fave character had attempted suicide and failed, and it was a super heavy scene where she talked about this with a friend in the most nonchalant way (at first) and he was completely shocked and devastated. I was writting this at a cafe, my favorite one, and had to make a real effort to keep a straigth face while typing out bc I tend to act out the feelings as I describe them and my eyes were getting all red and wattery. But everything was fine and I got the full scene toghether. And... I felt so incredibly lighter and happier after that.

I've been trying to find an explanation for it since then. I've been battling depression since a long time now, 10 years, but I hadn't felt suicidal since a long long time ago. But I know too damn well the feeling of the symptoms of depression going away, and BOY what I felt was like a MIRACLE! The floating sensation? Just knowing everything is going to be better? Damn I missed that. I had felt it before a few times in prior years when something significantly good happened, when I went regularly to therapy, etc.

The weirdest part is that things weren't even particularly bad at that point, and even when they were the absollute worst around February I hadn't seriously thought about suicide not even once. It was more like homicidal rage at that point haha, but nothing about harming myself. I keep thinking about it ever since, how optimistic I was for the next month or so before my mood got worse due to environmental reasons. And I still went to that part over and over again to correct, add details and overall finishing the rest of the fic but this proved to be a difficult feat since I never could get myself into the same mood again.

And I'm like... what?? Why did this particular scene caused that blissful effect on me? I've never ever been in that exact situation, surely I fantasized about it (we all do at some point) and I know I'm far from cured of the depression for I still feel some of the indicators of its presence, but the change in me since I wrote those pages was explosive and intoxicating. Maybe I was channeling everything through my blorbo in ways I didn't knew I could, maybe it's just the fact that she got listened at without judging or being accused of faking it/being a failure/blowing it out of proportion, maybe bc she was feeling as lonely and unseen as I currently feel to the point you can disappear for days and nobody would notice (or at least that's what you tell to yourself)

I'm worried that if I tell all this to my therapist she'll institutionalize me haha. For real. I dunno what they normally do in these cases lol. Also I don't want to tell her yet that I write fanficiton since I´m not ready to explain an Xgen-er what is it and why my generation hype so much abt it

[sugar-omi]

okay, so i've been doing some thinking. i've been scrolling through your blog and i stepped upon these "cheating on cove with Baxter and the other way around" scenarios. (i'm sorry, i wasn't able to read them, my heart couldn't take it ;-;) but!

what if mc was like, in a normal relationship with Baxter. you know, a couple, maybe married later and stuff, while of course still being besties with Cove. later mc and Baxter have a kid together, maybe still a small baby but! plot twist! Baxter gets into an accident or something and dies. (i'm sorry, he's my favourite man but i had to kill him for that scenario:'))

mc is completely devastated and also a little panicked, because what about the baby? and then Cove stepps in, deciding to help his best friend take care of the little one and basically becomes its father. i recently watched a video of a dog "helping" a cat take care of her kittens, and there you have it.

this one may be boring, so feel free to ignore, but i can't stop thinking about it.

ITS OK<333 I figured some ppl didn't read it bc angst n pain</3 trust me I skip over angst all the time

(I even have the tag blocked😬 sorry angst writers but I will read it and not be the same for months, I read a kiribaku angst fic years ago, and was devesated for 4 months afterwards LMAO)

okay i... I cannot expand too much on this bc OUCH

(eta now that I've finished. who am I fooling? I rlly said that like I haven't wrote a whole novel 💀 anyway <3 this clearly made me pop off more than I thought I would bc I read this at first n was devastated!!! I had no words!!!! well clearly I found them LOL)

ALSO BORING??? ANON PLEASE.. BORING WHERE<///3

n im gonna fix the format later but for now here is the bare minimum. I'm going to bed rn so nini everyone enjoy a bit of angst I promise its fluffy as well<333

tags: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

p/n = parental name, since I wanted to leave flexibility for all the readers here <3

but anyway yeah cove would so step up for you

will follow you to the end of the earth and do whatever you need to help you work through this and to adapt to this sudden and unfortunate change

if/when your relationship starts becoming something romantic, cove would absolutely put the brakes on everything and you'd go so slow...

I imagine he'd probably move in with you or you with him, and he'd stay somewhere else (if you're living in his house he will leave anyway, he's a gentleman like that fr) so that way you can figure out if it's not just bc he's doing all these things n you're mistaking admiration for love

you'd spend the first year going super slow, as if you've never known each other before

which technically you haven't, since you've never dated before. but cove would go so far as to find out your favorite color, song, animal, food.. all over again, even though he has it memorized and knows your likes better than his own.

once cove is sure you're ready for this (after much talk between the two of you and even with your therapist that yes you've made enough progress and are emotionally ready for this) does he finally put a label on it

now if you get married...

I imagine cove won't propose at all

like I think you'd have to talk n almost beg him...

in that case he would do a small but grande gesture to propose. or he'd propose to you before you've even left the bed for the day... no inbetween

but like 8 times outta 10, you're gonna have to propose to him

he'd cry and hug you n say yes of course.

and unless you want to keep this outta your wedding, I think cove would include baxter in your wedding.

first, ofc you'd have the picture to honor his memory

but I think he'd even go so far as to have smth in his vows. but to start, he'd say smth like:

"I know the reason we became closer was unfortunate, but I'm so happy to be able to call you and [Child] my family. and I hope I can be a good father and husband"

and "baxter will always have a place in our hearts. even though he and I didn't get along at first (watery chuckle)... I'm glad he got to love you, and I hope he trusts me to love and cherish you the same way as well.."

also if you don't want to give up your wedding ring from baxter, I think cove would even go so far as to suggest combining it with his.

!!! omg I was gonna say your and baxter's wedding bands would be black, but I have another idea

okay now, for YOUR bands, I imagine they're either black or silver and yk those infinity(?) bands? that has the 2 types of metal or whatever

that's what cove would suggest doing. and if you are worried abt people asking why your bands are different, he'd get the same twisted band but silver with say a black diamond or smth. just smth to make it look like it's intentionally different colors but same design or smth

(im overthinking a bit but it's an idea right?! I'm not crazy??<////3)

or if you don't wanna do that, I imagine you can just slip it on a necklace or leave it as is, whatever you want. he wouldn't mind even if you kept wearing it, cove would never ask you to get rid of baxter's image or memory in any way, not unless it was a real problem and your attachment to him/his things was unhealthy anyway.

now for baxter's band... well if you didn't bury it with him, I imagine you'd give it to your child

another thing I think you could do w your wedding band as well, and give them both your bands to do whatever they want with. or if they don't want it of course you're not forcing them to keep it

even though they didn't get to know baxter, the way you and cove still cherish baxter's memory does help them feel something of a connection.

I also imagine baxter would take lots of photo n video w the kid, even though they're young n just a babe, theres so many videos of baxter looking n acting so loving w them

and even a couple where he's teary-eyed n all "imma do you right by you. I love you so much.."

of course, if the kid doesn't feel that connected to baxter since they were too young to know or rmbr anything, and they don't feel anything much other than sympathy and the occasional sting when they see how much baxter loved them, you don't force it.

you both know that baxter was basically a stranger to them and even though they still respect baxter and he has a place in their heart, they don't feel like they're lacking anything.

"I don't really know what to say.. or how to feel... I see how much [P/N] misses you sometimes, and we have pictures of you, and they talk about you and stuff...

but I don't feel like im missing a dad. I hope that doesn't hurt your feelings, I wish I knew you too. sometimes I wish you were still here, so I got to know you as well, even though I'm still happy to have dad cove for my dad.

I just wanna know what you were like. I wanna experience what you were like. I... I wanna miss you like everyone else misses you too...

anyway, just know that dad is great! he takes care of me and [P/N] really well! he makes breakfast in bed, and he does/used to do this thing where he lifts me in the air before bed! he's so cool. I see how he makes [P/N] happy as well, so don't worry. although, [P/N] said you always thought cove was reliable and a good guy so maybe you aren't worrying anyway.

well... that's it I guess. i hope ill get to know you one day, and maybe you can tell me you're glad to see dad took good care of us. goodbye,

baxter."

pa."

cove happily listens to anything they have to say on how they feel abt baxter btw. he accepts any of their feelings, be it that they don't feel anything at all, sympathy for others, or they feel sad abt losing him.

if they do say smth like how even though it's unfortunate and they feel bad for everyone who mourns baxter (for example/especially you), they see cove as their dad and don't feel like they're missing anything and they're happy to have cove for their dad.

ofc he cries n hugs them n tells them he loves em and he's happy n he comforts them if needed of course

I also think cove is very scared abt being a father

especially in this way... even if the kiddo doesn't remember anything, or it's hazy at best, he worries about replacing baxter.

he'd probably worry abt not living up to baxter

baxter was always much more mature, at least it seemed that way most times. cove just worries about if he has the backbone and the ability to parent the child well and be someone they can look up to and/or appreciate for being a good father

cries if they call him dad btw

if they do it before you start dating, I imagine it's one of the catalyst that cause you to talk abt your feelings for each other. or if it's in the early stage..

cove prbly freezes and runs away to the other room n freaks out, definitely cries. if you don't talk to him like right after he calls his dad n cries n shares his worries n fear

either way, when you do talk he's biting his nails n trying not to pace around the room and he's like "if you wanna distance yourselves so that they don't call me dad any more I totally understand, I mean idk it's prbly weird for you-"

n he just rambles. like none of it makes sense n u have to physically shut him up. kiss him, yell, throw a pillow, hit him w the child's stuffed animal, throw a single lego brick at his back and watch him fall to the floor like he just got a nuke thrown at him

if it's later on n theres nothing to worry abt bc youve talked abt this or saw it coming or its just the otherwise most natural step, he cries of course

but he doesn't fall apart from being his in the back w a single fucking Lego as if it hurt 🙄🙄🙄🙄 (I hate this man he's DRAMATIC)

well... actually no he does

hit him, kiss him, hug him, run him over w a hotel wheels truck.... he just cries harder

adopts them like immediately basically

I imagine you do it soon, like maybe before the wedding just so that way you can have a private moment (just to save him some embarrassment from ugly crying in front of your families. in fact he just might faint fr)

n you + the kiddo surprise him w adoption papers (depending on how old the babe is at this point, they have like no idea what's going on but they know that cove is now officially recognized by the whole world (even by the unicorns n wizards n warlocks) as their daddy))

imagine laying in bed w cove n the kid in between you two

and when you wake up, cove is alrdy awake and was watching you two. he was petting the kids wild hair and he had pulled the two of you in and kept you under his arm..

and the sunlight is coming in, the day is just perfect. n the look on cove's face is full of so much love but also a bit somber this time

(cove feels awkward being here like this sometimes. during times like this you have to remind him it's okay, and you pull him back in. of course he does the same for you on those days.)

"I love you two. so much..." he whispers, tears sticking to his lashes

the kid flips over, curling into cove and they stop their sleepy mumbling now that they're tucked into cove's chest, feeling warm, happy, and safe.

you whisper equally as tender. "we were meant to be like this too."

also!! smth I just thought of...

imagine the kid looks mostly/very much like baxter. they act very much like cove's kid

like you would think cove n baxter had a kid together LOL

(if the resemblance is too much, they ask if you're the step parent </3 pls Ik it may not make sm sense but I just think it'd be so fuckin funny)

[sojirosteacup]

The (possible) origins of the Mori/Haruhi rumor

Or, I take a look at four different language versions of Mori's character profile to try to debunk this rumor.

You guys probably know the rumor that goes like "Tamaki wasn't supposed to end up with Haruhi, it was going to be Mori, but Tamaki became more popular and the mangaka changed her mind"

Like many others in this fandom, I'm tired of people blindly believing it so I was trying to write a post about how I think this rumor started. I was originally going to focus more on the "it changed because Tamaki became popular" part, because I felt that the "Mori was supposed to be endgame" part of the rumor had already been dissected by other people.

Except when I was I looking for Mori's character profile (the infamous quote that is believed to be the source of it) to use for my post, I found different versions of it depending on the translation. And maybe the "Mori was supposed to be endgame" part needs a bit more dissection, actually.

Especially since I couldn't understand at first why Mori of all hosts is the focus of this rumor, because MoriHaru was pretty much a rarepair before this.

Now I'm going to analyze both the "Mori was supposed to be endgame" part and the "it changed because Tamaki became popular" parts. And I think I may have a pretty good theory for how this rumor started.

Here is my analysis under the cut:

(Beware there are probably some spelling mistakes bc it's 2AM and english is not my native language)

The MoriHaru rumor is widely believed to have come from a quote from Hatori in a manga volume. More exactly, Mori's character profile.

So let's take a look at his character profile for a second.

The English translation that gets passed around goes like this:

"If I leave him alone, he winds up being a 'quiet, sober-faced fellow' so he makes Hatori groan a lot. But his love is vast (laugh), so there's at least an outside chance of Haruhi and Mori becoming a couple."

Here we have what might have confused some people. "Outside chance of Haruhi/Mori becoming a couple" doesn't mean they were supposed to be endgame, it means there is an unlikely chance of them being a couple.

Makes sense people would misread this. But I've always felt it was such a weak sentence to start this entire rumor… especially when there is literally shippy art of Haruhi with every host in the manga. Wouldn't any other character have started a similar rumor? Why would such a weak sentence start something so big?

But I was looking for a clear picture of the English profile to add to my original post idea when I stumbled over the Spanish version. And it got me confused because it was worded differently:

If you don't know Spanish, this is very similar to the English text, except the ending says:

"My (Hatori's) favorite couple is Mori + Haruhi, maybe."

Wait, we have an entirely different sentence here! This one implies Hatori likes MoriHaru more than the other couples, which could point to this being the source of the rumor. But I'm not satisfied. This is not enough. Let's dig deeper.

Spanish is not my native language, so I went to my actual native language, which is Brazilian Portuguese. Fortunately I have the entire collection with me, so I opened volume one to find this:

The first sentence is pretty much the same as the English and Spanish versions, but the rest says "He ends up worrying me, because he gives me the impression he will end up turning the story around. But I like him a lot (laughs). Maybe my favorite couple is Mori and Hani"

And that Hani bit is a fucking mistranslation from the Brazilian Portuguese print! It's supposed to be Haruhi, not Honey. This is the second time I find a mistranslation in this volume! This is why shoujo manga doesn't sell well here, publishers!

But the rest of the text is interesting. He could "turn the story around" (this is the closest translation I can give you for the word "reviravolta"). That means he has the potential to change the plot. Interesting. Seems in line with the rumor of Hatori's plans changing.

Now we have three different translations here, all of them pointing to different things. It's a bit confusing. Which one is the real translation?

But you don't know the depths to my obsession! I do have the first ouran volume in Japanese! And there is no better way to solve this mystery than to look at the original text!

I'm not fluent in Japanese but I have six semesters of beginner level Japanese under my belt + it's 1 AM 2AM and I should be asleep because I'm going to cosplay Tamaki at a con tomorrow + I drank an entire cup of green tea and I'm shaking AND THIS IS THE PERFECT TIME TO FALL IN A TRANSLATION RABBIT HOLE!

Here is a pic of the Japanese text taken straight from the manga:

In the Japanese text, Hatori says Mori/Haruhi (yes, HARUHI, not Honey) is a 大穴 couple. I searched 大穴 on a japanese dictionary app and this is what it means: "Long shot win (in horse racing), big winnings (on a Long shot), a killing (made from a bet)"

So THAT'S probably where it came from. She called MoriHaru an unlikely win and people thought it meant she was planning for him and Haruhi to be a surprise endgame in the long run. Looks similar to the english version, but I feel it has more "winning connotations" here, you know? Add this to the translation calling them Hatori's favorite couple and you have the likely source to the confusion: People thought it was her favorite couple and that it would win in the long run, surprising everyone.

From this to "they were supposed to be endgame but it got changed" it's not a big leap.

I should try translating the rest of the japanese text but let me do it another day when it's not 2AM, thanks

But that does not mean she was planning for them to be canon. If anything it's more likely she didn't know who to ship Haruhi with at first (there are other quotes from the manga that support this or the "Tamaki was always endgame" theory).

So another part of the mystery seems to be solved, but none of this explains the whole popularity part of the rumor. You know, when people say Tamaki became the male lead because he was more popular than Mori.

We know this is highly unlikely because Mori actually got second place at the first popularity pool, losing only to Haruhi. And Tamaki wasn't the only popular character in the group. You can see this in depth in this post by another person.

So where could people have taken that from?

You know which other shoujo fandom has a very similar rumor? Boys over flowers (a.k.a. Hana Yori Dango a.k.a. Meteor Garden).

If you are into that manga, you have probably heard that "Tsukasa wasn't supposed to be the male lead, Rui was. But Tsukasa won the first popularity pool and the mangaka changed her mind."

(Listen, I'm a huge boys over flowers fan but I'm not sure if this is true in this fandom either. I'm not a huge interview reader, so if anyone has a source where Kamio says this, please send it to me.)

But in boys over flowers case it at least makes a bit more sense! Tsukasa did win the first popularity contest (Rui got third place). And I've seen this rumor on bof fansites from the 90s/early 00s, so this one has a higher chance of being true compared to the ouran one.

Honestly, the first time I heard the Mori rumor my first reaction was "???? I've heard this before in another fandom????"

So my guess is that the rumor about Boys Over Flowers somehow jumped to Ouran. But how did people mix up completely unrelated series from different mangaka and magazines? It's not that hard to imagine. They are both popular reverse harem series with the same basic concept (poor girl in rich school with rich boys).

My guess is that someone saw the Mori thing and thought "oh, so it's like boys over flowers where the male lead changed because the other was more popular" and it snowballed from this.

Again, I could be wrong and maybe there is a Hatori quote somewhere on the internet proving the rumor. But for now, I'm going to believe it's a mix of mistranslations/misinterpretations and people jumping to conclusions.

(And this is not an attack on people who ship MoriHaru, btw. Ship whatever you want. This is just about the rumor)

[apheliia]

OKOK so!! my main thing is that I am a firm believer that pv has limited vision in his eyes and uses his staff via contact to see. I will say I think that his vision got worse overtime, esp after he became one of the heros(?), which also means I think he has smth like cataracts/some kind of blindess that can be developed. Pv closes his eyes a lot bc it's easier to just hold his staff and see though it, though maybe also some light sensitivity that can give him headaches, but I think he'll open his eyes when he's like being soft?? If that makes sense?? Like he'll want to look at scenery after hearing the sounds/others talking abt it or wants to look at another (chantilly.. sg... his friends..) even if he can't rlly see or smth. If that makes any sense. Or if he's stressed abt smth (that one sprite of him like.. holding his head..). Also another thought — younger pv w glasses maybe..

Talking more abt his staff tho, I think if he isn't holding it or doesn't have any contact w it he can't see though it at all. I also think tho that his staff has some sentience and can see for itself, so when it's out of his hand, it feels the need to get back to his hand. And since pv represents truth, I think he can judge ppl through his vision in his staff. His staff also is influenced by his light of truth, so that's why he can “judge” ppl through his staff when he suspects they could be lying or just wants to see if they're telling the truth. The one being “judged” also starts to feel slightly dizzy and lightheaded when they're in this judgement state, but still say what they planned to etc and that all goes away when they aren't being “judged” anymore (ik this way sm wouldn't have been able to lie to him as easily but sm could theoretically bypass this/not let that chance happen, hence why he was out of view for the most part of ep7)

I think I word a lot of this better in some ways in the posts I made abt it in the tags and ik these are hcs abt his vision and stuff but I'm still thinking abt other hcs.. (someone stop me from giving every favorite of mine like pv a gummy smile..) but!! This is what I have rn <33 I'll share more w you when I think of more if you want.. maybe more hcs relating to his appearance (trying not to project onto him HELP). I also keep sending you such long asks.. that's my bad.. 😭😭

AHHHHHH SO REAL HI i totally agree. visually impaired pv my beloved. i'm a firm believer that he does not have particularly good vision (he cannot see 2 inches in front of his face /hj /lh), oh and i agree soooooo so bad 🥺🥺🥺 he does definitely open his eyes when it comes to looking at the beautiful things in life or his loved ones!!!! so true. pv is visually impaired in that one wip i dropped of him and chantilly but he does open his eyes and he is still looking at them very intently with so much love and concern in his face for them because that's literally his child RAHHH OKAY NO this is not that kind of yapping post. i'm getting off track. Hi. YOUNGER PV WITH GLASSES AJSHSJSHSJSGJ MY BABYYYYYY??!?!?!?!? 🥺❤️❤️❤️

ALSO HARD AGREE i feel like his staff does have some level of sentience. swear to god that thing has attitude, considering the way it stares at cookies sometimes LMFAO?????? ohhhhhh but that's such a sick hc... sm could probably just bypass it somehow, or straight up not be present enough for long enough to be judged, def agree there.

PLEASEEEEE DROP ANYMORE HCS YOU MAY HAVE 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 and you don't have to apologize i loveeeee long asks 🤭 they may take me longer to reply to than others but i love them sososo much!!!!

[heavenly-obsessive]

Intro post bc why not!! (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)

Hi there! I'm Hermes! Otherwise known as Jas, Dio, Vamp, Glisten, Kremy, Jonesy, Kaine, Sam, Roy, Gabriel, Mark, Pav (short for Pavlova bc Pavlova Cookie is me), Habit/Evan (yes, the guy from EveryManHybrid...), Pico, and Bucky (Yes.. The Winter Soldier..)! I like hoarding names so just feel free to call me whichever one, I don't mind.

I tend to theme my profile around my interest and/or favorite character/kin

I'm into a bunch of things, but mainly TMC, EATEOT, Dandy's World, WWE, Welcome Home, CRK, EMH, Marvel, and analog horrors in general.

I am also a minor, so don't be weird for the love of the Gods, please--

Regarding my posts + tiny plug for my rp blog!!

99% of my posts will just be randomly yappings and maybe art here and there.. but mostly random yappings over my interests/ships I like/and overall just random stuff

I'm also the owner of @wine-addict-thatcher , my DC roleplay blog I made since seeing another acc inspired me!

Regarding AMA!!

Feel free to ask me questions! Though do keep it at least PG-13 as, may I repeat, I am a minor... So don't ask anything regarding NSFW topics.

I am open for almost any kind of question! Whether that be about my interests, the amount of names I have, my fucky gender, about my ocs, or even about the story I'm writing! Go ahead and ask whatever question comes to mind about them.

But do keep those PG-13 at the LEAST... Though all of the characters ARE adults, I don't wanna answer NSFW questions about them..

I also do have the right to not respond to asks!! So, don't get ur panties in a twist if I don't respond to it (/lh)

Regarding @wine-addict-thatcher !!

Do feel free to send me asks on there, too! Whether it be anonymous or not, I don't mind!! But do try to ask stuff regarding Lucius himself, his club, and his coworkers! Asking simple questions like "what's your favorite color?" is also fine, trust me, I need to build more of his character.. so asks like that or similar will help a bunch

I also might mention Harvey Dent/Two-face and The Riddler/Edward Nygma on there soon since originally I made him just to be shipped with Harvey Dent... But then he became his own character 😭 (tho I'm not complaining, tbh--)

That's all I currently have for now, though I most likely will add more to this in the future!!

[voxofthevoid]

Hi! First of all, I'm a big fan of your work! I have been a fan of jjk for a long while now but I never got much into fanfiction (I always assumed it's full of self inserts) BUT your whole ao3 account changed the game for me.

As Goyuu is your number one ship I would like to ask - was is like that since you first started watching/reading? Was there any particular moment when you KNEW it's your favorite? And was it always the best for you - or was there any other ships that interested you more for a while? Are there any you like but have no interest writing about?

I hope it's not weird to ask that, my irls dont really fw jjk like that </3 and seeing your characterisations and all the ships u chose I felt like youre someone that I WISH i could have a long plastic chair patio black tea midnight conversation about jjk with 🤞 bc I felt like similar things peaked our interests maybe!

Your account truly is a godsend for me and knowing that you have a huge backlog really made hope return to my heart in this dreary dreary life

Hope u have a great day Vox!!!

Delighted to hear that my JJK works dragged you into the fic side of it. Seriously, that's high praise in my book 😳

And your question isn't weird at all, dw! I would also 100% love to have midnight patio conversations while chewing on JJK like feral dogs sharing a rawhide.

Or tea. Tea works too.

As for your main question, yes, goyuu was it for me from the start. It caught my eye early in the manga (the initial rooftop meeting actually) in terms of pure aesthetics, and a few more episodes were all it took to sell me on their chemistry. Then the Shibuya Incident happened, and the resulting angst clinched the deal. I have my quarrels with JJK, but the handling of Gojou and Yuuji's relationship from the beginning to the end is something I have zero complaints about.

That said, while goyuu has always been my no. 1 ship, I did seriously eye a couple of others while first watching/reading it—itafushi and sukuita specifically. But my interest in sukuita waffled until the final manga arc—after which it became my second-favorite ship. With itafushi, I never felt much of an interest in seeking out more. Their canon arc is enough for me, and the dynamics don't spark up my brain the way goyuu, sukuita, and many other Yuuji ships do.

My usual fandom habit is that I only write for my OTP. That did change with JJK, and I've been writing every Yuuji (slash) ship that catches my eye. And since my shipping interest revolves around my favorite character (Yuuji, in this case), you could say I am writing (or intending to write for) every JJK ship I like. But I do have a general fondness for a bunch of non-Yuuji ships: Kenjaku/Takaba, Hakari/Kirara, and Maki/Mai, for example. I won't seek them out, let alone dabble in them myself, but I enjoy coming across them!

Once again, I'm extremely flattered and just plain happy that you're enjoying my works! I hope the backlog will keep you fed for quite a while 💗

[bubzebii]

You got any rise ocs ? Love to see them ^-^

Omg thx for asking, I do actually!! If you go further down my page, I draw her human form for a fanfic I really love. I don’t have a name for her yet bc names are hard :/ BUT! I do have a little backstory for her

She is a battle nexus champion, but she occasionally works as a debt collector of some sorts for big mama. She hates getting her hands dirty so she uses magic claws as weapons. You can’t see it bc of the angle her hand is in, but in her glove, there’s an oval shaped gem that creates the claws for its user. If she has the gloves off, she can’t create those claws.

She loves magic! It’s so fascinating to her and she wants to study hard to be the very best sorcerer there is, but due to some unconventional events she’s got a bad rep at witch town, so she tends to steal magical artifacts when she’s out.

The reason she always goes back to big mama and her battle nexus is bc she’s a black cat, which isn’t bad at all but her power is probability control. She can manipulate fortune AND misfortune, but she struggles to control her magic which ends up inconveniencing to even hurting others around her. She can steal peoples luck as well to give her an upper hand in battle, which is why her eyes can glow a bright yellow.

For a cat with bad luck, there really isn’t any option for her but to go back to the place that accepts her even if it’s for their entertainment.

Now she isn’t the strongest physically, so she relies on her speed, magic and tools to win battles. She uses Mantis styled fighting techniques in hand to hand combat, but a flaw she has when fighting is that she puts too much focus on one thing she forgets about her surroundings which could potentially hurt her or allies.

Id like to believe she’s quiet but when she gets to know you, she gets very chatty, a bit snarky, overzealous, and pretty quick witted. She always has a trick up her sleeve…she has a lot of things up there. Very mischievous, sometimes can go too far with her tricks. Lowkey a bit condescending, but she chill ig.

She’s def a morally gray character, a bit chaotic neutral, the kind that does good or bad stuff for her benefit and maybe her friends too.

She’s known big mama since she was a kitten, so she knows her way around battle nexus ( may or may not be big mamas fav ).

She was born as a twin, her sister being a white haired kitten, both parents had white fur so u see where this is going. Kinda the black sheep in the family, she’s always causing trouble but she means well, her sister is the complete opposite tho. Has the power cause luck and take misfortune away, her sister became the favorite but she got a nasty personality. They always budded heads and fought but eventually her sister and her friends provoked her to the point she scratched her sister in the face out of self defense, the parents got mad and tried to declaw her but she ran away.

Now idk where in time I would like her to meet the turtles and April, but I have a story in my head inspired by some fanfic I read.

So she gets called into big mamas office for a new assignment, capture the turtles alive and bring them to her. Usually when she out she doesn’t have the authorization to bring her targets to the hotel, just to collect and come back. Even if she did, I’d be taken care of by goons, not big mama personally, so she’ll def recognize that it’s a big job if big mama is telling her this personally.

So she conducts research on the turtles but stalking them pretty much and finds out they’re friends with a girl named April O’Neil, so she uses a cloaking choker to enroll at her school and befriend April. It works and eventually, the turtles do some stupid shit and end up getting “found out” by her and April.

Slowly they all become friends (Leo has his suspicions) and eventually she gets invited to the lair by Mikey. She becomes the closest to him not only bc he’s the most social, but he has great magical potential, and she’s intrigued.

Once she gains all of their trust (may take a while) she eventually calls all big mamas goons to their lair and captures them, but at this point, she knows they’re actually good people and not the usual targets she gets assigned to, so after an inner battle with herself, she caves and lets them go, despite the fear in her veins at the thought of big mamas wrath.

I don’t wanna spoil TOO much abt this even tho I most definitely did💀

I wanna write abt her story and her relationship with the turtles and April (specifically one turt in particular;) idk I’m open to any suggestions and as always, sorry if this is a bit all over the place :))

[convenientalias]

Please Watch Circle: Two Worlds Connected (Another Manifesto)

After convincing some ppl to watch White Christmas, I am filled with hubris and thus have returned to try to convince y'all to watch another kdrama thriller. This times it's Circle: Two Worlds Connected (2017). It's sci-fi, it's whumpy, it's got a dual timeline going on, and it's got a great cast. It's also one of the first kdramas I ever watched--I started it back in 2017, lost access to the site I was streaming it from, and 3 years later, when I became actually competent at finding kdramas, I remembered to go find it again! I've now watched it... four times? five times? anyway it's a good show so let's dive in.

The Premise

Every episode of Circle has two parts to it.

The first part: In 2017, a college student named Kim Woo-jin is having family problems. His paranoid twin brother is convinced aliens exist and are killing ppl. Woo-jin met an alien once when he was a kid, but he's been repressing this and ignoring the implications ever since bc of related trauma. Then Woo-jin's twin goes missing, and Woo-jin goes haywire trying to track him down.

The second part: In 2037, society has become a little dystopian, particularly in a closed-off island city called "Smart Earth". "Smart Earth" is supposed to be a place without crime, but when a murder takes place, Detective Kim Joon-hyuk, an outsider, worms his way in to investigate. Secretly he's more interested in investigating Smart Earth itself... and trying to find his long lost brother.

HM I WONDER IF THERE'S A REASON THESE CHARACTERS BOTH HAVE KIM AS A SURNAME. PROBABLY JUST A COINCIDENCE I WOULDNT KNOW. IM SURE THESE TWO MYSTERIES HAVE NO RELATION TO EACH OTHER AT ALL.

The Characters

Kim Woo-jin:

Yes that is Yeo Jin-goo (I feel like most of my followers have watched Beyond Evil, but if you haven't, maybe you know him from Hotel del Luna or The Crowned Clown, idk, he's great). And yes, he is incredibly stressed and will be for pretty much the entire show.

I feel like the main selling point of the first half of this show, apart from the mystery itself, really is just "do you want to see Yeo Jin-goo be so, so tired and act in progressively more insane and risky ways over the course of twelve episodes".

He is a very good brother. He also is in a dynamic duo with a girl who may or may not be an alien. More on that below.

Kim Bum-gyun

He's paranoid and he's not always the best brother. But he's trying to be better and also. He may be (at least partly) right.

Han Jung-yeon

"Hey look at me I'm a normal college student and definitely not an alien. Despite the fact that I do kind of look identical to that alien you met like fifteen years ago."

"Regardless that was not me bc I am normal. Let's become a detective duo!"

Kim Joon-hyuk

Played by Kim Kang-woo! I feel like he's a bit less known than Yeo Jin-goo but I still love him. Very versatile actor. In this he's being your typical unruly cop but with Many Secrets. Going into much more detail than that would unfortunately give spoilers but I like seeing him piss Lee Ho-soo off.

Lee Ho-soo

Nicknamed "Pierrot" by Kim Joon-hyuk for the way he's ~always smiling~, Lee Ho-soo is Smart Earth's ideal peacekeeping employee. He thoroughly believes in their dystopian mood regulating technology and closed off society and no, he does not want to learn any deep dark secrets, thank you very much!!! Leave him alone!!!! (Yeah, he's going to go through all kinds of emotional breakdowns lols.) My favorite character on my first watch-through; later I began to stan Woo-jin more but it's a close thing.

So, so, so...

Is It Shippy?

Honestly, kind of depends on what you're looking for. The most obvious ships would be Kim Woo-jin/Han Jung-yeon, a ship that is very teased but never becomes canon, and Lee Ho-soo/Kim Joon-hyuk, a classic bickering-but-gradually-coming-to-understand-each-other type of duo. There are other shippy routes you could take... my friend for example ships two of Woo-jin's professors. I personally think certain reveals could lend themself to a [REDACTED] [REDACTED] shipping dynamic, which is all too rare, but since I redacted that part you will never know what I mean by that.

Is there shippy fanfic out there? NO BECAUSE THERE ARE A TOTAL OF FOUR FANFICS FOR THIS SHOW ON AO3 AND I CANT FIND ANY ELSEWHERE EITHER. yes three of those are shippy. YES I WANT MORE PLEASE.

More General Thoughts

Circle is a little melodramatic and messy, but it is also very clever. Even after the basic worldbuilding becomes clear, you probably won't be able to guess all the answers to the mysteries until mm. Episode eleven of twelve? I mean I'm sure there are people out there much better at guessing than me but. I didn't.

I also think it's more fun to watch this show (at least the first time) with a bunch of different theories in your mind as to what happened during the time skip. I had at least three running concurrently. No, none of them were correct. I never said I was good at guessing I only said I had fun.

Not EVERY loose thread gets tied up by the end. But things do get mostly resolved. And there's a lot of angst and suspense along the way!

Here are a few more pictures to convey the vibe:

I can also offer you a minimal number (two) of goofy gifsets.

Closing thoughts:

If you've watched Circle, pls come talk to me sometime. If you haven't watched Circle, I recommend giving it a try! I can tell you that anecdotally ppl who I've forced to watch White Christmas and Circle both like Circle better (except me, I like White Christmas better but also I am to be fair obsessed with both).

And for now, I have successfully exorcised my Circle feels for the day. Probably. I hope. (I may be back.)

[auroralix]

✩ fairly odd christmas - part 1 ✩

read parts two and three here!

pairing: chanlix. everything on this account is chanlix.

summary: single and lonely on christmas, felix makes an offhand wish to have someone to love. the man who appears in his kitchen the next morning to make that wish come true is the last thing he expects.

song: fictional ~ khloe rose

this section’s word count: 4.2k

warnings: uhhhhhhh i don’t think there are many ?? some vEry light swearing, felix is already lowkey thirsting for chan’s ass bc aren’t we all, this is so sappy lovey dovey i love them, mentions of getting murdered bc felix thinks chan is an intruder at first, felix also tries to use a pen as a weapon, why am i treating this like ao3 tags

small a/n: welcome to my first fruity series! i’m still in the process of writing and polishing this but i had to post it before it became too long after christmas lol. everything should be posted by new year’s (: also forever big thanks to @awooghan for the fic title ilysm and thank you to both her and @ujimoo for beta reading and giving input ilyb 🫶

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Felix trudged into his apartment, closing the door behind himself and slumping against it. He got dumped again, and right before Christmas. It shouldn’t have surprised him but every time he hopes this time it might be the One. The one and only he couldn’t live without.

He made his way to the kitchen and opened the freezer, pulling out a tub of ice cream and a spoon. It wasn’t the most glamorous way to spend his night but he was past caring at this point.

After securing his ice cream, Felix crashed on the couch in his living room and turned on the tv. It was time to nurse his emotional wounds with any one of his favorite movies. He had a secret soft spot on his heart for sappier, more cliche movies; those normally seen as “girly.” He couldn’t help it, maybe it was the consequence of living with his sisters until he moved out after college.

Felix had always loved the idea of finding that one person who he loved more than anything else and that would love him back just as much. The books he read and movies he watched did nothing to help those notions; he was the notorious hopeless romantic in his friend group and had been since he was young.

It wasn’t his fault, he couldn’t help that the men in his books and movies were miles better than anyone he’d met in real life. He’d dated multiple people, men and women, and yet nobody ever compared to the people in his stories that lived day and night in his brain. It wasn’t that most of them were bad people (although he’d had his fair share of bad dates), it was just that none of them could give Felix half the amount of love he gave them.

When Felix loved someone, he jumped all in with both feet, not caring what may come. He knew he was being naïve about it, but he couldn’t help that either; it was just in his personality to love wholly and completely and to give as much of himself as he could to the other person. It led to him getting his heart stomped on more than once, like it had tonight.

He’d heard yet again that he was sweet and nice and everything else, but he just wasn’t what his date was looking for. Felix had nodded and smiled and taken it well, dragging himself out of the restaurant to walk home.

Of course it was just his luck that it started raining on his way. And of course it was his luck that he didn’t have anyone to be cliche in the rain with at that moment, under the bright city lights that were decked out in full Christmas decor. It was like the world loved to taunt him by dangling something he wanted desperately right in front of his face. So he had shuffled home through the cold, sludgy rain as quickly as he could, which was how he ended up where he was now.

Curled under a blanket and nursing a tub of melting ice cream while he dreamed about a love he’d probably never see. He just wanted someone that would love him as much as he loved them, was that too much to ask for?

Felix set the nearly empty ice cream tub on the coffee table in front of him and tucked his feet under himself, moving to lie on his side as he watched his movie. Before long, without him even realizing it, Felix was drifting off to sleep on the couch, sending a half asleep wish to the powers that be for a Christmas miracle– someone he could love unconditionally.

•••

Felix blinked his eyes open blearily, adjusting to the blinding sunlight streaming in through his curtains. He rolled onto his side, belatedly realizing he was in his bed, not on the couch as he had been when he fell asleep the night before.

He frowned a little to himself. He was sure he’d fallen asleep on the couch, but maybe he’d woken up long enough to drag himself into his room for the rest of the night.

He stretched his arms above his head and yawned before slowly hauling himself out of bed and trudging to clean up in the bathroom, not giving it a second thought.

When he was finished with his morning routine, Felix waddled out of his room and to the kitchen. He stilled just a second when he walked through the small living room, his mostly empty bucket of ice cream was gone. That made him pause, he knew he didn’t pick it up the night before. Maybe one of his friends randomly came over and threw it out, he rationalized to himself as he turned toward the kitchen.

His kitchen, that was currently occupied by another man that Felix didn’t know. Felix stopped right in his tracks at the sight of the intruder, heart rate immediately going through the roof.

“Who are you?!” he screeched at the man who looked up in surprise from whatever he was doing at the counter. Felix immediately started looking for something, anything to defend himself with.

The other man slowly put his hands up to show he meant no ill will. “I-I’m not here to hurt you, I promise.”

The kitchen knife in one of his hands gave Felix no confidence that what he said was true.

In another situation, Felix would be swooning at the sight and sound of the other man, but right now, he just wanted answers. He grabbed a nearby pen, his only weapon of defense against the mystery intruder and his kitchen knife.

“Who are you?! Why are you here?!” Felix asked again, his panic growing as he held the pen up, like it’d do anything against the impressive muscles on the other man.

“I’m not here to hurt you,” the other man started, lowering one hand to put the knife down as he spoke. “I- I was sent here, for… for you.”

Felix choked on a scoff as he shook his head. “You actually expect me to believe that? What the fuck do you want from me? Why are you here?!”

The other man blinked a couple times and looked like he was trying to think over the best way to answer Felix’s questions. “I-… I don’t know how to explain it. Um, y-you made a wish last night and brought me here. I’d never hurt you though, I promise.”

That stopped Felix dead in his defensive rampage. Yes, he had made a wish to the nonexistent Christmas fairies as he was falling asleep, but he didn’t expect anything to come from it. Much less it being answered with a random hot man deposited in his kitchen. He didn’t even know how it could’ve been answered.

Despite what the man in his kitchen said, Felix couldn’t and wouldn’t just trust whatever the he said. Not without substantial evidence of his claims or some very good persuading.

“How do I know I can trust you or- or that you won’t hurt me? You showed up in the middle of the night out of literally nowhere and- and started acting like you own the place! You’re- you’re just here! In my kitchen and eating my food!” Felix spit out, keeping his pen held high as he questioned the other man. “You haven’t even told me your name!”

“It’s, um, it’s Chan,” the man gulped nervously. “You’re going to think I’m crazy, but please, just hear me out. The reason I’m here is I’m a spirit of Christmas, here to answer your wish.”

Felix could do nothing but gawk at the man in disbelief. Surely he’d misheard? He must still be dreaming, there was no other explanation. It was just a dream that Felix’s lovesick brain had conjured up to make him feel worse when he woke up and saw it indeed wasn’t real.

“Y-You- you’re a what?” he sputtered, at a loss for all other words.

Chan just nodded his head slowly. “It’s true, I’m a spirit of Christmas. We go around this time of year spreading love and joy and sometimes we answer Christmas wishes. I- I heard your wish last night as you were falling asleep and I had to answer; I’d never heard such a sincere wish as yours.”

Felix took a shuddering breath. This man—Chan— had to be crazy. But, somehow he’d known about the wish half asleep Felix had sent into the ether the previous night. How had he known?

“If- if you’re a real Christmas spirit or whatever, then you must have some sort of powers, right?” he asked, deciding to put the whole thing to the test before he chose whether to listen to more of Chan’s story or call the police.

“I do, they’re not very powerful powers, but they get the job done, you know? I can show you if you’d like,” Chan said, giving Felix a hopeful little smile that brought out a pair of cute little dimples that definitely did nothing to Felix’s already racing pulse.

“Yes please. But nothing weird, okay?” Felix still did not loosen his grip on his pen. It may not do much if the other man tried to attack him, but he would go down swinging, if nothing else.

“I promise.” Chan gave him a quick wink before disappearing in a cloud of sparkles that looked like snow and reappeared in that same cloud of sparkles on the other side of the living room. He had stayed out of arm’s reach of Felix, which was appreciated.

“I can also fly, but it’s kind of impractical when nobody else on this planet can,” Chan mentioned like it was no big deal as his feet slowly lifted off the ground before he floated in Felix’s general direction, still staying out of his personal space bubble.

Felix couldn’t believe his eyes, or ears as he watched the man across the room from him. He could barely wrap his head around all that happened the past fifteen minutes.

“You- you’re- that was all true?” Felix was not having a good day with his words; although who could blame him? It’s not everyday he gets visited by beautiful Christmas spirits promising to fix his loveless life.

“Everything I told you is completely true. I’m here to make your Christmas wishes come to life.” Chan set his feet back on the floor, still a respectable amount of space away, a bright smile gracing his features once again.

Felix let out a small, disbelieving laugh and shook his head as he thought everything over. Either he was really going crazy, or there truly was a Christmas fairy in his living room offering to give him the best Christmas season he’d ever had. The spirit seemed to have no ill will and was admittedly one of the hottest people—beings?— Felix had ever seen.

With a shrug he decided that if this spirit was really out here to murder him, he would let him. At least he’d get murdered by a beautiful creature that, before now, were only thought to have existed in fiction. Felix would have a great death, but he really hoped it wouldn’t come to that.

Since there weren’t many downsides in his eyes, Felix thought it’d be fine to see where things went from here.

“Okay,” he said, releasing a deep breath. “As long as you don’t try and kill me, you can… grant my wish? How does that work?”

Chan chuckled, shrugging his broad shoulders just slightly. “Mostly, I’m here so you have someone to be with over Christmas. We’ll go on dates, you can take me to meet your friends, and I’ll take care of you the best I can this season.”

Felix considered the other’s words. It sounded too good to be true, but the hopeless romantic in him was screaming to give this a chance and see what would happen. He only had one question before he gave in completely.

“What do you get out of it?”

“For us spirits, trying to spread joy and happiness and granting wishes like this isn’t just what we do, it’s who we are. If your wish hadn’t called out to me as strongly as it did, I’d probably still be floating around, granting minor wishes to others without them even knowing it,” the spirit explained, a look of pure sincerity on his face as he spoke. “It’s something we do not for what we can get out of it, but for what we can give to others.”

If that didn’t sound like music to Felix’s ears. This wasn’t just some little thing, this was exactly what he wished for, dropped right in his lap. And Felix was a weak, weak man, especially when it came to other pretty men who offered to grant his wishes and take him on dates and be the perfect Christmas boyfriend.

“Okay,” he said again, “I guess let’s see where this goes.”

“You won’t be disappointed, Felix, I promise.” And there Chan was, smiling like it was his wish getting granted, not the other way around. His dimples were on full display, cheeks pushing his eyes into crescents, and right that moment, Felix knew he was already in deep trouble.

He blinked a couple times and forced his still racing heart to calm down a little lest it give out on him. Felix had more questions but before he could get one out, his stomach gave a loud growl, reminding him that it was time to eat. He laughed sheepishly and looked over at where Chan was still standing, looking none the wiser to the loud grumble that came from Felix’s stomach.

“What, um, what were you doing in the kitchen?” Felix asked as he meandered toward the kitchen. He’d finally put his makeshift pen weapon down and shook out his cramping fingers as he walked.

At his question, Chan perked up and hurried back to the kitchen to show Felix what he’d been working on.

“I- I knew me just… appearing like I did might have freaked you out, which it did, oops? But, I thought maybe making you food might help you calm down, so- so I was trying to make you pancakes,” Chan said with a tiny, sheepish smile crossing his face. “I didn’t really know what you liked, so I tried to find a bunch of different toppings.”

Felix hated to admit it but he couldn’t deny how his heart melted just a little at the gesture and hopeful expression on the other’s face. As he looked at the bowls of cut up fruit and chocolate chips scattered around a big batter bowl, he felt more and more sure that he’d made the right decision. This pancake-making spirit meant him no harm.

“Oh, Chan, this- this is actually really sweet.” Felix picked up a couple chips from one bowl and popped them into his mouth before adding, “Pancakes are always a nice touch, a surefire way to win over anyone who’s house you break into.”

At that, Chan’s eyes widened in concern, making him look more like a wounded puppy than a powerful being that could fly and teleport at will. Felix cringed internally, maybe 10 minutes into their—relationship? Was it a relationship? Could Felix call it that yet? He wasn’t sure— but maybe 10 minutes into their… thing was too early to break out the sarcasm.

“I’m sorry!” He hurried to correct himself, “That was a joke, a really bad one for right now. The pancakes are a really nice touch, end of sentence.”

“Do you mean it? I can just clean up if you don’t want any.” Chan still looked unsure and Felix felt like the worst person ever for making him feel bad.

“I promise,” Felix attempted to console the other. “I love pancakes and sweet things, you can ask any of my friends when you meet them.”

“If you’re sure then, I’ll start cooking them for you.” And just like that, the clouds lifted from Chan’s expression and he went back to his previously smiley self.

Chan promptly set back about his previous pancake mission focused, with one goal in mind. When Felix offered to help, Chan simply gave him disarmingly sweet smile and waved him off, stating he wanted to learn the kitchen for himself. It was no trouble really, and he was happy to do it, he wanted to do it, he reassured Felix and shooed him over to the living room to find a movie for them both to watch while they ate.

Felix wasn’t sure how he felt at first about being (albeit nicely) pushed out of his own kitchen. Although once he started smelling the delightful scent of fresh pancakes wafting his way, he decided he didn’t care quite as much. Plus, it wasn’t like he could’ve made anything better on his own. Felix was a phenomenal baker, but all of his attempts to make anything other than baked goods in the kitchen were far less than stellar at best.

He flopped on his couch and started scrolling through the list of movies he had saved, trying to find anything that didn’t scream “I’m very lonely and available and live out those feelings through the movies I watch, please love me!” He didn’t like his odds.

But finally, he decided that if Chan was going to be with him, he should know all the weird, sappy parts of him. Chan was the one who wanted to answer his wish and cure his loneliness, it would only be right to truly let him know what he was getting himself into. So, Felix picked out one of his favorite sappy Christmas movies and waited for Chan to announce when the pancakes were ready.

Breakfast went smoothly and Chan didn’t say a word about the movie choice. As they ate, Felix’s confidence in his decision completely solidified; Chan’s pancakes were out of this world.

The rest of the day passed without many mishaps, Felix showed Chan the rest of his apartment even though Chan already knew his way around from carrying Felix to bed the night before. Felix tidied up around the apartment and Chan insisted on helping even when he was told he didn’t need to.

Felix didn’t quite know how to treat Chan just yet. They weren’t an item but also they already were. Chan was a guest but also he wasn’t. In addition, Felix didn’t know what he was going to do about extra clothes for Chan yet or if the spirit had any money or if making things appear was another one of his abilities.

Chan certainly couldn’t wear Felix’s clothes, as despite them being roughly the same height, Chan had far more bulked out muscles than Felix. While Felix’s muscles were lean, Chan’s were thicker, much like his ass, that Felix had definitely not spent half the day trying not to look at when the spirit walked by. Felix could spend the next day or so figuring everything out and take him shopping for more clothes either way. He also made a mental note to ask the spirit about what other hidden abilities he may have.

Throughout the day, Felix had also taken plenty of opportunities to look at his new roommate. He didn’t want to seem creepy and stare at Chan, so he’d just sneak peeks out of the corner of his eye or when the other would turn his back.

There was no denying the spirit was beautiful, he was practically Felix’s perfect type. They were about the same height, but Chan was much more broad and muscular, he looked like he could lift Felix right off the ground without much strain at all. Chan’s face didn’t seem to match his strong body completely with dark curly hair that fluffed around his head and warm brown eyes that crinkled around the edges when he smiled. And Felix couldn’t get started on those dimples; he’d always been weak for them and now was no exception.

Felix was grateful that the Christmas spirit that heard his wish was as pretty as Chan. He didn’t know if all the spirits were this pretty, yet he still felt lucky that his not only seemed too sweet to be real, but was also just as nice to look at.

Felix was happy to have someone around for the day and just enjoyed slowly getting used to having another person in the house with him. Chan was sweet and insisted on making dinner after Felix beat him to lunch-making earlier in the day. He was phenomenal in the kitchen as Felix was quickly discovering and who was Felix to deny his new beautiful roommate the pleasure of making wonderful food for them?

It was after dinner, as they were planning to go to sleep that Felix realized a big mistake in he’d made when he agreed to let Chan stay with him.

Felix only had one bed.

He only had a couple options that he could think of to solve this. Let Chan have his bed while he took the couch; he wasn’t about to make Chan sleep on the couch, he was still new and Felix felt like it’d just be mean to take the bed from him.

There was one other option but he didn’t know he felt about it yet. They could both share Felix’s bed, it was big enough to fit them both comfortably but Felix was unsure if he should even bring that up. He and Chan had just met earlier that day and he didn’t know if this was truly moving too fast. Granted, they both knew why Chan was there so Felix was more inclined to give into his a bit too rapidly growing feelings, but he didn’t know if this step was too quick even for their situation.

“You can take the bed, I’ll sleep on the couch,” Felix said, trying to stay nonchalant as he handed Chan extra toiletries to use.

“O-Oh, um, that’s okay,” Chan replied, looking the smallest bit disappointed by Felix’s words. “I can sleep on the couch.”

Felix shook his head quickly. “No, you- you shouldn’t have to do that, it’d be wrong of me to make you sleep there. It’s okay, I promise.”

Chan just nodded, giving Felix a tiny, unsure smile back, looking very much like he’d just been accused of doing something wrong.

“Have- have I done something wrong?” Chan’s voice was hesitant and timid as he spoke, afraid of upsetting the human he now lived with.

Felix paused in the middle of putting toothpaste of his toothbrush to give Chan a look. “Of course not, why would you think that?”

Chan shrugged, looking down and fiddling with the toothbrush he still held in his hands. “Just… I thought we could both stay in your bed. That’s- that’s what I came I here for, to keep you safe and give you company. I can’t do that with either of us on the couch.”

Oh.

Felix really hadn’t thought this through. He never would’ve imagined something like this could’ve hurt Chan so badly. The more he pondered, the more it made sense; this was what the spirit came to him for, so turning him down after spending the whole day together must have felt like a horrible rejection.

“Oh… I understand that, I didn’t mean to make you feel unwanted,” Felix started, giving Chan a genuine smile. “I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable but I’m okay staying in the same bed if you are.”

At his words, Chan’s shoulders seemed to sag slightly in relief and his face lightened up immediately.

“Really? Are you sure?”

“I’m positive. Plus, I- I like cuddles before sleeping,” Felix chuckled shyly, trying desperately to ignore the way his face flushed the more he spoke.

Chan positively beamed, the confirmation he was doing a good job was all he needed to fully relax once again. “I’m glad I can help with that, then. I quite literally live for joy and feelings like these.”

Felix’s face heated up more and he quickly went back about his business of brushing his teeth. It had been less than a full day and already this spirit was wiggling his way deep into Felix’s heart. Not that he was complaining, it seemed like for once, Felix might actually have a love that lasts.

The two went about their business of getting ready for sleep and tucked themselves into bed. It was a little awkward at first as Felix was completely overthinking every little twitch and move he or Chan made. That was until Chan let out a sleepy sigh and turned onto his side, throwing an arm over Felix’s middle and pulling him flush against his chest.

“I could hear you overthinking, stop stressing so much and just let it happen,” came the sleep-riddled mumble from behind Felix.

Truly, Felix didn’t know how Chan expected him to relax and fall asleep after that move. He had a beautiful man right behind him, his breath warm against the back of Felix’s neck and Felix was sure he’d never been quite as aware of his own existence as he was in that moment.

Eventually, through soft little reassurances that it was alright and sleep was good and that he didn’t need to worry so much, Felix slowly succumbed to the exhaustion that had overtaken him. And if the comforting weight of Chan’s arm across his middle did anything to push him closer to sleep, Felix would never admit it aloud.

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read part two here!