#it's likely not an intentional choice and you're just subscribing the meaning YOU want to read into the text

[bombshellsandbluebells]

Ok because I can’t let this thought go, I need to say my piece on media analysis and fandom’s version of it really quickly:

I’ve worked as an on-set dresser, a set dresser, and in the set decoration department in other roles. I get how set dressing works. And I’m also a huge fan of media analysis and overanalyzing and drawing meaning where you find it from the text, intentional or not.

I’m all on board with finding details in the set dressing and expanding on them, but there are so many times I see posts that argue small set dec details are intentional and foreshadowing something - usually a ship going canon - when it never feels that way to me. Yes, there is thought behind every aspect of film, but that doesn’t mean that the exact placement of everything has some great meaning behind it. Sometimes the meaning is “it would make logical sense for this item to be in this space” and nothing more.

I don’t comment on these posts bc I don’t want to be overly negative or ruin anyone’s fun, but the problem I keep seeing happening in fandom spaces is that meaning that was never intentional on the creators’ part will be drawn from small details and passed around fandom as proof of foreshadowing of something that was never intended to happen. And because someone is able to find meaning in something, people believe it was an intentional set-up.

Sometimes the item is just there. Sometimes a set dresser went “yeah that looks good” and there’s nothing more to it. Sometimes the DP goes “yeah that shot looks visually good and the items in it make sense” not “every item placed in this shot is intentional”.

(Sometimes something gets stuck in a weird place and you don’t notice it until cameras are about the roll but it’s like, not worth the hassle of holding for art bc literally everyone hates holding for art, so it just lives there now.)

The problem isn’t drawing meaning from the text where you find it. That’s a great way to interact with media honestly. The problem is making the mistake of deciding it was intentional AND intentionally setting up the exact scenario you already wanted to happen. Bc honestly, until we hear it from the creator’s mouths, we don’t know always know what minor details were intentional.

[yourheartonfire]

"Everyone says I shouldn't join the pack," the protagonist said. "They say you're..."

Well. They said a lot of things, eyeing the trio with great suspicion. Co-dependent, they whispered. Intense. A bit odd. They didn't fit in with the rest of the town. They were wilder, more wolf-like, than any of the other packs that the protagonist had ever come across.

"And what do you think?" the other werewolf asked, amused. "What do you want?"

You. Them. The pack.

The answer was achingly obvious; an inescapable tug.

It just wasn't sensible, and the protagonist had always been that.

Prompt courtesy of @the-modern-typewriter 's Patreon!

TW: reference to a past traumatic attack.

The pack came for the protagonist on the night of the new moon. It was barely 5pm but in the winter Northwest woods it might as well have been midnight. A crunch of truck tires on gravel, a sharp rap at the door, and three shaggy haired outlines on the cabin porch silhouetted against the starry sky and the deep, delicious darkness of the pine forest.

"Hey lone wolf," caroled the call from outside. "Don't you think it's time we all hashed this out?"

The protagonist gritted their teeth behind the door.

"Consider it an informative, mutual interview," the extrovert werewolf said. Purred, the protagonist would have said, if it weren't the wrong animal family. "After all, whether you join or not, you're still a wolf in our territory."

That... was true. It was deal with them now or deal with them when the moon changed. The protagonist steeled themselves, put on the kettle, and opened the door.

A few minutes later a pack of wolves were sprawled out on the protagonist's living room furniture, cups of Lemon Zinger in hand.

"I don't mean to offend, I'm just not..." The protagonist took a breath. "I didn't move out here to find a pack."

"And you're not required to join," the first one said smoothly. Clearly the speaker of the group. "There's enough woods for us all if you want to stay independent. The question is, ah..."

"The question is, is that what the wolf wants?" cut in the second one with a toothy smile over the edge of her teacup. The fighter, who walked with her shoulders up and her gaze constantly flicking back and forth.

"I control the wolf," the protagonist said automatically, then flinched.

There was a wave of reaction. The fighter dropped her eyes, the speaker immediately raised his hands to calm, to surrender. "You were part of a W.A. pack? That's fine, we're not judging. Obviously we don't subscribe to the creed," he added with a grin, "but it's no skin off our noses."

"Not much choice for a wolf in the city," the fighter added gruffly, her gaze fixed in intense scrutiny of the protagonist's footstool.

The protagonist forced a smile by habit even as they knew it would do no good. If the flinch hadn't been obvious enough the air practically stank with fear, anxiety.

That was the problem, dealing with wolves. There was just no hiding the truth.

"Yes," the protagonist said, giving their footstool the same scrutiny as they paused. Well, in for a penny, in for a pound. The pack had probably puzzled it out anyway. "Victim Services recommended Wolves Anonymous to help me find my footing after..." They shrugged

Immediately all three werewolves bared their teeth. The protagonist was used enough to recognize this was not a threat but an expression of sympathy.

"Unacceptable," the speaker hissed, the most wolflike the protagonist had ever seen him.

"The Change is a gift but also a Change," the fighter snarled. "How dare anyone force it another? I trust the miscreant is a pelt?"

The protagonist shrugged and put down their tea cup with unsteady hands. "Drago Asylum. He was in lunar frenzy, it wasn't intentional."

Around them, the protagonist felt the wolves exchange glances as the pieces slotted together. No surprise though.

"Thank you," said the third wolf and their pack mates jumped, "for sharing."

The third wolf spoke in a voice barely louder than the crickets outside, yet the dry rattle of their whisper cut through the room like a knife. The one who positioned themselves by the door, who hung back and kept a watchful eye. The leader.

"We appreciate your forthrightness," they went on, their eyes cool and intense and locked on the protagonist. "You have free parole in our territory as a lone and a standing invitation to our pack, if and when you decide that's what you want. You also," they added with a dry glance to the others, "have free reign to court, be courted, or to have none of it. Whatever you choose won't in any way be impacting your standing."

"Um," the protagonist stammered, heat rising in their cheeks. The fighter grinned. The speaker winked. "That's, uh, that's it? You just met me and I get to join the club?"

The leader cocked their head. "Yes," they said. "We see. We understand. You have good reason to take slow decision. We will wait for you to decide. You are worth waiting for."

The protagonist bit down on their lip. The air in their little cabin had turned thick and hot with this many bodies in their space. But bodies that smelled like pine sap and rich dirt and just a hint of sharp desire, bodies that were carefully angled close enough to support and defend, but not too close to be a threat or to corner. For the first time in months, the presence of others was a comfort. "Thank you," they said.

The leader nodded brusquely, glanced to the speaker. "Right!" the speaker said cheerfully, putting down his cookie. "We've asked you enough questions. Your turn to interrogate us. Fire away."

It was almost dawn before the wolves left. It was two months before the protagonist joined the pack.

[functioningtrashcan]

Rearranging Canon

I was thinking, what would've happened if Miguel tried to intercept Miles before Spot got to him? What if Miguel knew not to trust Gwen or Jess to deal with 1610? He seems like the type of guy to subscribe to the "if you want something right, you gotta do it yourself" mentality. So, here's an au I made (at least, I haven't seen any fics with this premise yet)

This is just a preview of something I've been thinking about a lot. Hope you guys enjoy

-------------------------------------------------------

"Sooooooo, uh, Macho Libre sir... when do I start?"

The child standing next to him was still shaking, costume torn and hair singed. Her grin was plastered on, breath quick as she tried to ease the mounting tension in the room. He could hear how fast her heart was still beating nearly 40 minutes after leaving her home universe behind.

"Start what, exactly?"

"I- you know. Spider.. society... stuff?"

It took everything in Miguel not to glare at Gwen from his spot across the table from her. She stayed silent the whole time it took them to walk from the portal to the cafeteria, and now she's biting the inside of her cheek like she needs to move on from this as quickly as possible.

"You're not doing any 'Spider Society' stuff right now." Miguel kept his tone as firm as he could without sounding angry at her. He was angry, just not at her. She was just a kid, after all. Super-powered kid or not, she couldn't brush off watching her own family - her own father - point a gun at her with intentions to shoot. It made his blood run hot and cold at the same time. What type of man would do that to his own daughter?

Gwen herself barely picked at the food in front of her. Miguel kept his eyes trained on the half eaten plate of empanadas in front of him, but he could still sense her eyes peering holes into him.

"Whatever you're thinking, no."

"I- "

"First rule of Spider Society," Miguel started, standing up, "is to listen when I ask you to do something."

He must've raised his voice, because Gwen flinched before he got to the end of his sentence. Shock, if only he knew a better way to connect with the skiddish thing immediately after such a traumatic event.

"Please, no worrying about any missions right now." Miguel softened his voice. "Jess prepared your room for you. Go."

Silently, Gwen slipped off out the door and down the same hallway they came. Miguel sat back down, sinking his head into his hands.

"Lyla."

The little hologram glitched into existence.

<You okay, bossman?>

"How much more time before the prediction?"

<Models suggest 7 months, 15 days, and 43 minutes.>

Already running out of time. Great. There was now less than a year before the original anomaly was set to destroy the multiverse, and nearly all of the spiders who came with it. No matter what he tried to do, Miguel couldn't figure out the catalyst. Something big happened after that collider went off, something bigger than a new Spiderman in a world where a new Spiderman shouldn't be. Whatever it was, he had no choice but to stop it from happening.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. 7 months. That's all he had to figure it out. None of his teams were any closer to getting it, and now that Gwen was here, Miguel was almost certain that he had to figure it out. Before the multiverse collapsed, before the anomaly was set loose on them all, but most importantly, before Gwen caught wind of who the anomaly was.

Gwen's plate still stared at him from across the table.

Every force was working against him, it felt like. How was he supposed to fix everything if he couldn't even talk to one kid properly?

Kids. It's always kids. It's always-

"Miguel! Hey Migs! Miggy!"

Miguel scrubbed his face with his hand. A bumbling idiot in a pink robe slid into the seat next to him.

Nevermind, he would rather the emotional conversations with the traumatized kid.

"Hey Migs, I've got some exciting news-"

"Make it quick, Parker."

"Oh come on, you always say that."

"I always mean it."

"You're no fun anymore." Peter B Parker groaned at Miguel, casually draping an arm over his stiff shoulders. "What's up with that? You're the only Spider here with no sense of humor, and it's like you've gotten worse!" He grinned, scrubbing his knuckles into Miguel's scalp. Miguel swatted at his arm.

"You have three seconds."

"Yeesh, alright, alright." Peter took the hint and slid off. "Wanna hear some good news?"

"No."

"So MJ just got back from a doctor's appointment - for the baby, remember?" Peter continued. "The baby's coming soon and they were just checking to see if she was healthy and what's going on, that kinda thing." He took an empanada from Miguel's plate and bit into it sloppily. "Kid's already gonna be the best thing ever, I can tell. I feel like such a dad already."

"Uh huh, wow." Miguel really couldn't care less right now.

"Y'know, I think a kid would really suit you-"

Miguel shot him a glare.

"....not that I'm saying that you should replace your daughter, but you should really do something else with your time!" Peter chuckled nervously. "Kids are so healing."

"You're not a dad yet."

"I will be in a few weeks! I'm tellin' ya, I never thought I would enjoy baby shopping as much as I do."

Miguel sighed heavily out of his nose.

"I'm trying to figure out a way to deal with the anomaly, Parker."

Now it was Peter's turn to look serious.

"Don't tell me you're gonna hurt the kid, are you?"

"No. Of course not." Not unless it ended up being necessary.

"Because he really isn't that bad- I'm sure he doesn't even know his world is a problem. And hey, you gotta cut him some slack," Peter shook Miguel's shoulders slightly, trying to wring some lightheartedness out of him. "He had a terrible teacher."

"Absolutely horrible, you're right." Miguel deadpanned.

"I know!" Peter laughed. "I did the best I could with him. He was like a practice kid, almost."

"He deserves a better teacher."

"I mean- hey, woah," Peter put his hands up in mock offense. Miguel quirked an eyebrow at him.

"I'm right."

"I wasn't so bad. I got him on his feet, and-" Peter kept babbling on. Whatever this story was about the ill-fitting costume and the failed web-swinging tutorial, Miguel heard it a million times. He couldn't be bothered to listen so closely, and instead, his mind lingered on something new.

He deserves a better teacher.

That could be it. That could be the answer Miguel's been looking for.

Miguel stood up again, nearly knocking over the table and Peter.

"Woah, Mig-"

Miguel roughly pulled Peter up from his seat and clapped him on the back.

"For once, you were useful."

"My stories?" Peter was confused, but Miguel was already halfway across the room.

"Tell the others I'll be out for a while. You're in charge of watching Gwen. Tell Jess that assigning teams to catch anomalies is her job now."

"So I don't get a fancy job now?" Peter jogged up to Miguel, obnoxious story forgotten. "Where are you going?"

"Earth-1610." Miguel replied simply. "I'm going to give the kid a better mentor."

-------------------------------------------------------

And scene! Lemme know if I should finish this au

(Also, I've never posted fanfiction here before. If you guys have any formatting tips, help a trash can out)

[rezdragon]

I have some thoughts about this account I want to lay out before I get back to work on dumb things.

Recently, a post crossed my tumblr dash that was about how Instagram influencers do not succeed on tumblr because you can't just post and expect people to come, you have to actually live here, be part of the culture and conversation, not just a void. And I, a longtime tumblr user, agree with that, it's why I chose tumblr as my primary "social media" because I have way more control over what I see (mostly). You also find more authenticity here, not the shiny, manufactured world that Instagram and the likes of Meta has tried to build for us.

So with that in mind, what about this account? Am I trying to grow it?

Well... yes, but also no, let me explain.

This account, RezDragon, as it stands right now only has 19 followers. I dunno where most of you came from but, hey, glad you're here. I advertise this account as the place where I post updates to my work and the ramblings that come across my mind while I work (as long as they are related to my works, art, or music in some way). However, I want to point out the language I use when I bring up my tumblr account:

Very rarely do I directly ask for people to follow me on tumblr; it's usually only on super big projects. This is intentional.

You are not required to follow my tumblr account if you want to keep up on updates for my work.

I view this account as it should be, a blog where I just share general information relating to my work, what I'm working on, my thoughts regarding things related to my work, things related to art. But I do not want the public to feel pressured to "like and subscribe!" because I also hate that. It's also why my end screens on Youtube are mostly blank; it's not to entice you to watch more of my crap, it's to suggest more to you if you so choose. It's your choice.

If you want to dip in and out of this blog and check it occasionally to see all the silly things I posted lately, then that's fine with me, that's basically my goal with this place. This is meant to serve as a hub for all of my work, like a cornerstore you check occasionally if they have something new. You don't need to come in every day.

And honestly, I kind of like it this way. Yeah, sometimes it really does feel like I'm posting into a void, but sometimes I like posting into a void. That doesn't mean you have to stay away, if you wanna like my posts, please do. I'm still human, I'm still a slut for attention, I will gladly accept it.

I just wanted to put it out there that my aim with this blog is not to grow it into some giant influencer type place on tumblr, no. My goal with it is to make it a classic update blog, free of noise and pressure where you can come and read my insane scribes on the walls and maybe hear weird noises echoing down the halls.

Anyways, that is all. I'm gonna watch my 38 minute monster that I just made, post it if the render is fine, and then put together a broken cassette deck. Pics will come soon of all of this, and thanks for reading.

[lovemayari]

If you’re not busy, could you do a Druig imagine where he realizes he likes the reader but he now has no idea how to approach her so he attempts to annoy her to get her attention but she sees straight through his plan?

i thought you'd never ask

editor’s notes ; big brain HHADSHDSHAAHSHAH also, i am kind of busy but like, i wanted to write so i did this HSHADHSAH thank you for requesting, and i hope you like this, let me know what you think ! (i'd probably close requests for imagines soon HSAHASHDHDA it's hard to do more than 1k sometimes <//3)

wc ; 1.59k

warnings ; a few eternals spoilers, cursing, a bit of angst if u squint, corny/classic pick up lines, cuteness overload HAHADHS, also, this may be not following canon as it's been a while since i watched eternals HASKJDHAK so im not sure exactly what happened so pls forgive me KSDHKAAD

summary ; druig did what he thought was best to get your attention, however, you always saw through his plan or the five times druig annoyed you to get your attention and the one time he just said it

pairing ; druig x eternal! reader (fem! reader, but no gendered pronouns if you wish to still read! beautiful is always non-gendered for me but druig calls u that at the end)

want to subscribe to the daily bugle ? [join the taglist]

the first time was just a few days after he noticed he's taken a liking to you. if anyone asked him about his lingering stares, of course, he'd deny it. but with this comes a bigger problem for druig…how would he get you to notice him? and after researching on courting customs of mortals, well, he went with the most obvious choice, be the most annoying shit to capture your attention and then, sweep you off your feet! what could possibly go wrong?

"y/n," he called you as the others danced in front of the fire. you looked at him, narrowing your eyes at him. "what? i'm not doing anything…yet."

"that means you have a plan," you said, a closed-lip grin on your mouth. "well, then, goodbye."

"wait," his hand shot up to yours, he ignored the tingling as he touched your arm. "can i ask you something?"

"alright, what is it?"

"have you ever tried painting or sculpting maybe, arts, in general?"

you looked at him, curious and calculating. "i have, some of the people we've met had taught me. why did you ask?"

"that must be why you're so good at drawing me in," he grinned, raising his brows at you.

you rolled your eyes and laughed, "that is horrendous and i've heard better."

you shot druig a pointed look before going to kingo and sprite, understanding his intentions. sure, druig wasn't the first person to have taken an interest in you, but as an eternal, and being born for quite a while, you were used to men and women, alike, flocking over you. you just wished druig just told you directly…maybe, someday.

the second time was the day before you all separated. you were conversing with some of the locals when druig pulls you aside. you saw the glint in his eye, making you prepare for what's about to come.

"yes, druig?"

"what, i can't greet you, y/n?"

you smiled, eyes narrowing. "of course, that's not what i meant, but you know that, so what is it?"

"did it hurt?"

"when i fell from heaven? no. but it burned, when i climbed back from hell." you smiled, patting his shoulder. "i need to go, sersi's calling me. maybe next time?"

sersi understood immediately what happened when you huffed next to her. "he did it again, did he?"

"of course, he did. he knows how to be insufferable, just like every other person who tried to woo me by annoying me with these lines."

sersi laughed, looking at you. "but you do enjoy them, do you?"

you sighed, a faint smile lingering. "well, yes, i do."

"but not the others?" she said, pertaining to previous suitors.

"no."

"druig must be special," she said wistfully, making your cheeks feel warm.

you didn't admit anything, thus turning to her. "and ikaris must also be special for you, sersi."

her cheeks warmed, eyes wide at you. you laughed, talking with each other into the night, not noticing the eyes subtly looking and watching you like you're his whole world.

the third time, which is a charm, some humans have said, was when you chanced upon each other in the forest he was in. you knew he stayed, you just didn't think you'd be encountering him once more, because you thought he wouldn't want to…you know, interact with you, that is.

"y/n, fancy seeing you here." he said, falling into step beside you.

"hello, druig, how's the hundred years treating you?"

"good, good." he smiled at you, making you smile back. you missed him, of course. when the eternals had split, you went on a journey all over the world, taking in all the culture, as many as you could. "say, could i ask you something?"

his tone was hopeful…is this it? the confession…?

"if you're here, who's in charge of heaven?"

you huffed, not even hiding the smile on your face. "well, darling," you ignored the way his ears reddened. "i'm actually in charge of hell now, they must have changed it. let's go back."

you grinned, pulling his arm. his eyes traveled to your hand holding his, making him smile. if anyone ever said that annoying someone you liked didn't work to get their attention, tell druig, he'd vouch for it.

the fourth time was when sersi and the others informed you of ajak's death. you were visiting druig that day, it was definitely a constant thing in your lives as you talked with the other villagers, sometimes with druig by your side.

you were fighting a deviant, which you thought was vanquished, its last one a hundred or so years ago. druig was behind you, fighting with you when he called you, "y/n!"

"what is it, druig?" you said, grunting. "a bit occupied here!"

"are you a magician?"

"what the, now is not the time, druig!"

"what? it's strange!" he paused. "it's like, everytime i look at you, everyone else disappears!"

the others within the vicinity internally groaned. sersi has half a mind to actually punt druig and just tell him to confess but of course, she isn't like that.

you cursed under your breath as you smiled at his antics, before rolling your eyes. "druig, please shut up, it's really not the time. behind you!"

druig did shut up, but a playful smile was on his lips as you two moved in sync. you laughed, and said loudly, "and that is it for my final act, druig finally listened to me!"

the others bit back a laugh, druig looked incredulously but he knew it's all in good fun. he'll admit it one day, that he did have feelings for you, but not today.

the fifth time was when you finally reunited with the other eternals, set off to the island to try and take over the mind of tiamut and prevent the emergence.

"y/n, after this, do you maybe want to go tennesee?"

"very specific, druig, why?" you asked him, actually knowing the line but it's druig, so you gave him a chance.

"because you're the only ten i see," he grinned. makkari and sersi gave you a teasing smile as you rolled your eyes, not hiding the smile from druig.

you were about to reply, to finally finish it all, but decided not to as you got ready to stop ikaris and sprite from trying to stop you and the others from doing this. you were all connected to druig with the uni-mind, but you couldn't stop gasping when you saw how druig was blasted by ikaris. your heart stopped for a moment, as you waited for druig to reemerge, but he didn't. overturned by the anger with ikaris, you and makkari worked with each other to render ikaris weak, revenge for killing druig.

your heart broke as makkari screamed, knowing how close she is with druig as well. and you swore to yourself, he wouldn't have died in vain. you'd make sure of that. you chased your breath as you looked at ikaris with a hard look as phastos contained him. thena was preoccupied with one of the deviants, kro. you and makkari stayed silent, waiting if sirse was able to go to tiamut. ikaris was, unfortunately, able to break free but flew off to where sirse was, before you could do anything. hopefully, sirse could continue, still.

you felt yourself glow and rise, indicating sersi's success. when you dropped to the ground after, you were waiting in bated breath, but nothing happened. the eternals stopped the emergence! you smiled, hugging makkari, thena, and phastos for the success of stopping it. you waited for sersi's return, hugging her immediately, not noticing the person behind her.

the one time he was ready to tell you his feelings, he was blasted by the bastard, ikaris. and then, upon waking up, he saw sirse get stabbed by sprite, so of course, he had to help sirse, because he cannot try again, and so, encouraged sersi to do it. he swore, after this, he'd tell you exactly what he wants. but for now, to stop the emergence.

he watched you hug sirse, a smile on his face, grateful that you seemed alright. he didn't speak, makkari and the others understanding what's about to happen, and gave you space. and suddenly, everything stopped when you locked eyes with him, tears brimming in your eyes as sersi steps aside to talk with the other eternals.

"druig," his name sounded so good when you said it, especially after what almost happened. "druig!"

he opened his arm as you barreled towards him, your arms around him as you hugged him tight. his hands settled on your back as he placed his forehead on yours. "are your eyes the ocean or something, because i'm getting lost when i looked you in the eyes."

you laughed, slapping druig's arm. "please just go ahead and tell me directly, or i'd kick you after ikaris."

he laughed, his hands now holding your cheeks. "my beautiful, beautiful, y/n, i have feelings for you. will you do me the honor of accompanying me to dinner this evening?"

the others grinned to themselves when they saw what's happening, finally, ringing in their heads as they averted their eyes to give you both privacy once more.

you grinned, looking at him. "i thought you'd never ask."

and if the kiss he bestowed upon you was one of the sweetest and the most awaited kiss you've had in the many years you've been on earth, well, no one but druig should know

© lovemayari ; do not modify or reupload anywhere else but reblogs are greatly appreciated !

[mylordshesacactus]

7, 14, 32 and 37 for the dnd ask game :)

How do you go about making a character or NPC?

I wrote a post about this here actually! Basically, my default approach is to choose an archetype, shake it upside down, and then find a way to make the apparent contradictions work. Or, alternatively, choose to play it straight--but play it straight with intent, rather than just because I didn't consider any other options.

That's why my Captain of the Suncrest City Guard is a disabled centaur, why she serves the Goddess of Death rather than a more traditional martial or law-based deity, and why she's also every inch the archetypal paladin and Reasonable Authority Figure. I wasn't trying to make a contradiction, I just didn't want her to be EVERY overdone stereotype. Archetypes are effective! It's just not fun to be lazy.

Have you ever had a romance with an NPC or another PC?

I have not! Not because I'm opposed to it, actually, it's just never come up. Romancing another PC is something I'd only be interested in doing in a long-form campaign with people I know well and trust. A DM-controlled NPC would be a bit of a lower barrier of entry, as long as (obviously) we talked about it and everyone was comfortable.

That being said, I subscribe enthusiastically to the school of thought that it's better to play PCs with living families (by blood or choice) and close connections, and even PCs with--gasp--happy backstories. That way, they have ties in the world, reason to trust others, and they get traumatized DURING the campaign where you can react to it in real time! But also, it gives the DM opportunities for quest hooks, grounds your character firmly in the world and the narrative, and gives YOU options for bringing in help or interesting opportunities for split-obligations roleplaying.

(By which I mean--my paladin, Rinda Broadstone, is married and has five kids, NOT counting her wife's daughter OR the teenage daughter's girlfriend OR the young clerk she rescued from an abusive situation when he was fourteen and whom she openly thinks of as a son. You bet your ass that if she's ever in a long-form campaign, and the world is at risk, she's gonna be in AGONY having to go off to face the BBEG without knowing whether her family is safe. She'll do it, but it creates the possibility for really in-depth social interactions with other players.)

So obviously if I have a character who's canonically happily married, and the DM brings them into the plot--something which would require immense trust and good communication between us, honestly, because there ARE DMs who view PC family as cannon fodder for cheap angst--then that would require some romantic social roleplaying between me and an NPC. But I think there's a subtle but important distinction between "the DM is playing my character's pre-existing spouse" and "I am romancing an NPC".

Obviously, if you're interested in romancing either an NPC or another PC, discuss it out of character and away from the game table first with whoever is playing the other character!

Most memorable NPC you've encountered in a game you played in.

Oh lmao. My poor first GM. This was in our Classic Who-themed Gallifreyan politics CIA campaign a thousand years ago. She created this pair of characters--an elderly Time Lord and her shobogan "servant" (actually a phenomenally gifted engineer and lowkey secretly her girlfriend) --who were intended to be like, the sympathetic and tragic antagonists that we would defeat for the good of civilization but have compassion for. Unfortunately the party latched onto them instantly, sympathized entirely with their motivations, rolled really high on some persuasion checks, and then uh.

Started a Gallifreyan civil war? Over it?

We went a little bit completely 100% renegade because we liked them so much.

What is the most recent PC or NPC you've created?

Well, that would be telling, wouldn't it?

But without spoilers, at the moment their names are Shasta and Elaea.

[ladyalienist]

So what happened yesterday is that I posted a rant about fatphobia in radical feminist spaces. And today I woke up finding some notes, some I had already seen yesterday but I didn't bother to reply, which I deeply regret.

Yes because I would like to offer a shoutout to that one single person who reblogged it with a series of tags that proved the point, but sadly some hours later she changed her mind and erased the tags, thus forbidding me to offer her the attention she clearly deserved. I managed to take one look at them and they were along the lines of "you're a lazy and not feminist dipshit", so luckily the concept of such a profound insight has not gotten entirely lost, even if the poetics of the wording has. Food for thought, my ladies, food for thought!

However, another reply I managed to save:

@september-morning-butch I hope you don't mind me making another post to reply to your insight, which I indeed found fascinating.

See... I find it fascinating that you automatically assumed I never once in my life spoke to a sporty person.

I was a sporty person. Some posts earlier I wrote about the sports I've tried and sometimes kept on doing for years, and since I am human and I live in a society, I also have had interaction with fitness enthusiasts, coaches and casual sporty human beings. Most of my friends hit the gym on the regular or practice some other kind of physical activity. When I have spare time I, too, do so.

Maybe I should have asked more expert sporty people. Like this man, for instance. Or this woman. Or, why not, this guy. The list goes on, and on, and on: maybe not every sport enthusiast will tell me the same things.

I find it also fascinating that you assume I do not know the criteria for a diet to be actually working. Do you by any chance think that fat people do not ever try to go on diets, or that I, personally, did never try? Because I did.

And now I will share with you what usually happens when Average Jane, who just needs to keep off those 10 kilos and then she's fine, goes on a diet-and-gym-new-lifestyle:

Average Jane decides to go to a nutritionist, who will (usually) tell her to cut all processed foods, all sugars and most carbs and invest on proteins. She then will subscribe to the gym and receive her personalized (which is usually just a standard one but let's not become too pedantic) programme. She starts the next day, full of good intentions. At first she's enthusiastic: she's finally losing those ugly ugly fat rolls! She will be in shape! Her lifestyle will be healthy and good, no more food guilt! Then, usually after a month or two, she starts noticing that the weight loss is slowing down and she's stabilizing somewhere that's not her ideal weight. Let's say she wants to weigh 50 kilos: she weighs 55 and can't seem to go under. At the same time, gym is getting increasingly tiring and she's starting to crave sugar and carbs, she dreams of full plates at night, every waking moment is spent in food obsessing. At some point she'll either understand that she needs to restrict more, and then more, and then more, in order to keep those rolls off herself, and I don't know how to tell you that this is usually called an eating disorder, or she'll give up and order takeaway one evening, gulp it down, immediately feel better, and in a year she'll have all of her previous fat back on, plus some more in most cases. Two months after she decides that after all it wasn't that bad, and goes back to the nutritionist and to the gym and the cycle restarts. This is called yo-yo dieting and it's far, far more dangerous for health than just staying fat and eating balanced meals.

Now, am I being catastrophic? A little. But I'm not making this up, I'm paraphrasing words from at least one trainer who bragged about her own weight loss journey and how she had spent the last few years never enjoying a social gathering because she cannot deviate from her diet in any way. Not so different from what you told me, but she was totally bragging about... being miserable during celebrations. How is this in any way good for her?

Does this mean "go get stuffed on McDonald's"? Absolutely not. Following a healthy lifestyle and a good diet and exercise regimen is essential! And it's true that sometimes lifestyle changes can and will do wonders for your body! You could cut off McDonald's for anticapitalistic/antispecistic reasons and realize you're losing weight, and that's amazing! However, that's not how most people work and I don't know how to tell you that being constantly hungry because "that's my new lifestyle and I need to keep the weight down" is not healthy in the slightest!

You were unlucky, living with an ugly disorder that requires loads of attention. I understand this and I fully see where you're coming from. Making eating choices that are good for our health sometimes is a hard path that requires willpower, and I am not saying that it doesn't do wonders and that your life quality doesn't improve a lot when you manage it.

But framing the "not working-ness" of dieting as a matter of willpower and basically saying that the only reason they don't is that fat people are not enthusiastic enough about their health... is again re-framing that you think fatness=laziness and moral failure.

So thank you for expressing your point of view in an articulated way instead of just hurling insults, but my point still stands.

[petruchio]

i have reevaluated my feelings about gale. i used to think he was kinda heartless and he was; he couldn’t see past revenge and the loss of human life, so long as they weren’t his humans, was pretty inconsequential to him. he was incapable of breaking the cycle of abuse the capitol perpetuated. but he was so kind to peeta even when he had every reason not to be. idc about the so-called love triangle, but lil moments of kindness between characters who have no reason/business being kind is so soft.

yeah for sure!! i think gale is a really interesting and really complex character, and i think it’s taken me personally a lot of time to really be able to understand him and his perspective. he’s in many ways right, and he is by no means a bad person, but i think he is a great example of always seeing the enemy as your opposite, no matter what that opposite entails.

i agree, it’s great that he’s kind to peeta! i love that line in cf when he says something like “this would be better if he was easier to hate” and katniss is like yeah exactly lol. i mean, i think that’s what’s so nice about the hunger games is that it’s not just your typical love triangle, like it’s not two guys fighting each other over a girl and showing off, it’s legitimately two guys who respect her and her choices but make their intentions to her clear. 

like yeah, gale wants to be with her and she ultimately doesn’t choose him, but he doesn’t start acting like a huge asshole to peeta for no reason because of it, like a lot of ya love triangles love to do. sure, he’s uncomfortable with peeta because it’s uncomfortable to watch your close friends develop close relationships with other people that don’t involve you whatsoever--like when your high school friends come back with all their new college friends, it just feels weird. but gale isn’t actively rude to his face or anything. he recognizes that they went through something fundamentally life altering and deeply traumatic together--that’s the system he’s working to destroy! 

the key, to me, that gale is the most kind to peeta when he sees them as being equals and on the same side. there’s another line in cf when he is talking about if they ran away:

"Haymitch?" Gale abandons the chestnuts. "You're not asking him to come with us?" "I have to, Gale. I can't leave him and Peeta because they'd - " His scowl cuts me off. "What?" "I'm sorry. I didn't realize how large our party was," he snaps at me. "They'd torture them to death, trying to find out where I was," I say. "What about Peeta's family? They'll never come. In fact, they probably couldn't wait to inform on us.”

because at that point he still doesn’t see the members of district 12 that aren’t from the seam as being on “his side” of the rebellion, because he still sees them as a monolithic group that’s his ideological opposite. is he right about peeta’s family? yeah, probably. but he’s also making a massive assumption based on stereotypes and his own personal biases. and his assumption here is fundamentally flawed, as only a few chapters later, haymitch points out that if district 12 wants to rebel, it has to be all of them because they are such a small district:

Haymitch and I can speak in a kind of shorthand now. In a few minutes I've updated him and he's told me about rumors of uprisings in Districts 7 and 11 as well. If my hunches are right, this would mean almost half the districts have at least attempted to rebel. "Do you still think it won't work here?" I ask. "Not yet. Those other districts, they're much larger. Even if half the people cower in their homes, the rebels stand a chance. Here in Twelve, it's got to be all of us or nothing," he says.

so for gale, still subscribing to these divides is a failure of his thinking.

it’s interesting that gale is the kindest to peeta when he sees them as both on the “same side,” whether that be in catching fire, both working to protect katniss, or in mockingjay, when they’re literally both in the same unit for the rebellion. just something to think about!

[bewires]

I was going through the first five pages of the joenicky tag on ao3, and i noticed a pattern in the fics of certain recognizable authors. I usually don't subscribed to ao3 profiles or tumblrs, only doing that with a select few and you're one of them!

Now, do you think is correct to say that the fandom seems a bit divided into top!Joe authors and bottom!Joe authors? And If yes, do you think you fall into that category?

Hi anon. Thanks for coming to check out my tumblr. I don't know if this is intentional or not, but that's a bit of a leading question. I'm going to try to answer but forgive me if it comes out a little salty.

I don't think the divide is necessarily between top and bottom. I think the divide is more strongly between 'assigning a fixed sexual position between two queer men' and 'finding it distasteful to assign that role and wanting to work against it'.

Why distasteful? Well, in the long history of fandom, almost every m/m pairing has had top/bottom discourse - i.e. which person is the 'top' and which the 'bottom'. And the main critique of that is, it's very much a roundabout way to assign heteronormative gender roles to queer men. The 'bottom' role is often characterized by being shy, submissive, sometimes inexperienced, while the 'top' role is given more allegedly masculine characteristics like being outgoing, dominant protective. If the fic involves darker themes, like non or dubcon, the top will be the aggressor. Now, I don't believe these are inherently masculine or feminine qualities. That's the kind of reduction you'd catch in a Prager U video. But I do believe that assigning these qualities in accordance with who tops and who bottoms really exacerbates already heinous gender roles and it happens by projecting them onto a queer couple, which makes it even more upsetting.

My reading of the text of the old guard is that neither character is shy or reticent or needs the other to protect them. They take care of each other; it's mutual. That's the kind of relationship you rarely see in fiction and that's what I love about it. They're equals. And that's why I don't like assigning these traits to either of them. The source material does an excellent job of not falling into these stereotypes and it's sad that as a fandom we do it anyway.

No discussion of this topic in TOG would be possible without also mentioning that beyond the sexism and homophobia inherent in insisting one character be shy and in need of protecting, there's also the question of racism to be considered.

Joe is a queer, north African man in the world's most established relationship. That is representation not seen often in fiction. What is seen often in fiction is perpetuating long-held stereotypes about north African men being hypermasculine and sexually threatening. This is a racist trope that goes back hundreds of years, and in addition to all the gender issues of assigning top/bottom roles in TOG, assigning Joe in a top role if you're using the above metrics, plays right into these stereotypes, especially when you're writing something dark wherein he is the aggressor, that again, the source material does a decent job of avoiding especially thanks to Marwan Kenzari's acting choices.

So, that's why assigning top and bottom roles is problematic and why specifically assigning Joe a solely top role is problematic. This is why I don't think I could say there is a 'top' side and a 'bottom' side. Because the issues aren't solved by turning it around and saying 'Joe is always the bottom'. This is also a misread of their characterization in my view, and it's also reductive of what it means to be queer. But tbh I haven't seen anyone championing that position, I have seen people championing the position of "wow there is a lot of top Joe content, let's write some more bottom Joe content to even it out because the fandom content is playing into some harmful stereotypes'. And that aim is then not to create the same problem but reversed, it's to treat the relationship with some nuance and show that the caretaking is mutual.

So this is where I'm at anon: I am not in the top or bottom side, I am of the opinion that assigning a fixed sexual position to a queer couple is a problematic and fetishistic (esp in context of the way fandom already fetishises queer identities) way to go about writing them and I don't want to do it, which is why I stopped tagging positions in my fic. And I am not saying I am perfect and never play into these tropes, I definitely have and I am open to criticism about it. But I am trying to do better and for me a part of that is understanding and acknowledging that yeah, it's just fanfiction, but what you read and write has an impact in yourself and your readers and I don't want my impact to be hurtful.

[roswelldetails]

Episode 2x04 - What if God Was One of Us

EPISODE SUMMARY:

AN ACT OF GOD — On the verge of a breakthrough in her quest to save Max (Nathan Dean), Liz (Jeanine Mason) turns to Kyle (Michael Trevino) for one last favor that could potentially land him in hot water. Meanwhile, Michael (Michael Vlamis) and Alex’s (Tyler Blackburn) investigation into Nora (guest star Kayla Ewell) leads them to a farm, where they meet a historian named Forrest (guest star Christian Antidormi). Elsewhere, Cameron (guest star Riley Voelkel) confronts Jesse Manes (Trevor St. John) about her sister’s whereabouts, and Isobel (Lily Cowles) uses her powers for good. Amber Midthunder also stars. Shiri Appleby directed the episode written by Steve Stringer & Christopher Hollier (#204). Original airdate 4/6/2020.

DETAILS:

Roy said that he took veterinary training, which is how he was able to help with Louise and Nora's injuries.

"How come it feels like you don't know what I'm saying, but you know what I'm thinking?"

Roy moved the truck (with the pods in it?) to the livery.

"Boss's wife won't let him blame the drought on God so that honor goes to his foreman -- that's me."

Kyle on The Science:

"You're telling me that Michael Guerin used pinball parts and a car battery to cause cutaneous perfusion?

(Cutaneous perfusion...i think it is circulation of fluid/blood through tissue, but it's a bit above my head)

The device Liz needs is a "Personal Genome Machine". She ordered it when she still worked at the hospital.

Before entering the Crashdown, Graham Green tapes a Missing sign on the door for Hank Gibbons (who Noah killed in 1x13).  Apparently someone covered it up.

The sign is HARD to read, but I think it says:

"All viable leads reported to Graham Green's UFO Emporium will receive a free keychain.  Make certain you subscribe to the Weekly Probe as we dive deeper into the untold stories of Roswell and answer the question on everyone's mind.  ARE YOU NEXT?"

Graham Green references that he's the "creator of last week's 39th most downloaded true crime podcast." (Assuming that this is the Weekly Probe, referenced on the poster).

Graham Green is opening a 1947 themed malt shop at the UFO Emporium

U.F. Doughs (the Crashdown's new donuts).

Isobel's been coming to the Crashdown every day for weeks.  (Note that this episode is the first one that really doesn't have a clear time context).

"Feliz cumpleanos, mama!" Happy birthday in Spanish, of course, but note Kyle's choice term of endearment for fic purposes!  And she responds in kind "Gracias, mijo!" (Mijo = male version. Arturo calls Liz mija = female version)

"A wild Michael Guerin finally emerges from his weeks-long hibernation in a lab and a library."

Again, non-specific time frame.

"When every other farm was struggling, the Longs experienced record-breaking crops.  Summer of '47. No one could explain it…till October '48. The day after that photo ran in the paper, the farm was devastated by a massive fire.  Foreman, entire staff killed. Whole place burned down."

"What caused the fire?"

"Well the paper called it an act of God.  Said it was a freak storm. Bolt of lightning strikes the barn the same night that my mom's caught and locked up in Caulfield."

Wyatt Long's horses are named "Diamond" and "Silk".

Jesse Manes' beer of choice is "Polestaff".

Cam's postcard from Charlie (Likely the reason she came back to Roswell) says:

"See you back in Roswell --Charlotte"

Top left corner says "Greetings from Roswell, NM".

It was mailed to Jenna at the Green Hill Motel in Dayton, Ohio.

Jenna says it's not Charlie's handwriting.

Isobel in the mindwarp: "And what's your dream, Arturo? What would be your miracle? What do you pray for?"

Arturo & Rosa's fight… 

"Did that fool give you drugs? I'll kill him!"

"Ow! You're hurting me! That's child abuse!"

"Everything I do I do to hold you up and you see it as abuse. I don't know what to do anymore!"

"Yeah right." Rosa falls down and laughs.

"This isn't funny! Sheriff Valenti won't give you any more chances."

"You should be happy. You wanted me to be on the field hockey team, remember? You said I should make friends and have good American fun."

"Who sold you the pills?"

"I stole them."

"Was it Frederico?"

"You wouldn't believe me."

"Tell me the truth!"

"It was Mom! She's either too high to notice that they're missing, or she knows and she doesn't care."

"You're lying to me. I don't know how to help you."

"So stop trying then. I'm beyond hope anyway, right? That's what everyone else in this town thinks."

"Maybe you're right. I'm going for a drive."

Arturo tried to register with Instagram as PancakePapi!! He ended up with PancakePapi58!

Scene with Steph and her dad...FIRST MENTION OF SOPAPILLAS ON THE SHOW!!! 🤤🤤🤤🤤 (They're the best...in New Mexican restaurants they're like, both an appetizer and a dessert.  They're like hollow fried bread that you eat with honey. Delicious.)  See here:

Plus it gave the show another opportunity to be authentically New Mexican through food references.  (Last season it was in episode 2 when Arturo asked,"red or green?" And Liz replied "Christmas!". In New Mexico that means half red half green chile smothering her plate.) Like so: 

1948...unclear how much time has passed, but Louise says months.

The kid's name is Walt.  (Walt Long?? Some other last name?).

Nora says that under the tarp is the "pumpkin launcher" and it's a surprise.

Nora says it's not safe for Michael here, "but soon."

"Hey do you smell that? It smells like rain.  It's what you smell like under all the grease and bourbon.  It's what your workshop smells like. Something alien happened here. Not that I can still smell it 70 years later."

"This is the best evidence I've seen that Max and Isobel's mother survived the initial firefight. This is something that you do with family."

"Nora's my mother. If she was here at the same time as Louise…"

Note - when did they confirm who Louise was or that she was Max & Isobel's mom? This has not happened narratively yet.

Since Walt was a young kid, Alex thinks there's a chance he's still alive (though at the end Nora definitely thought he died when the barn blew up. I suspect that Walt survived and is the key to the story...not fact, just speculation.)

Forrest: "The foreman, Roy Bronson, was definitely hiding something.  But it wasn't Little Green Men. It was Nazi spies."

"This is like Junior Year eraser room, getting caught by Coach Wiggins."

OG callback to the eraser room being the high school makeout spot. OG, "the eraser room takes our innocence." 

Rosa in Spanish "¿En serio?" Basically "are you serious!?!" Or "really?" When the blender shorts out (awfully similar to her first Noah nightmare in 2x01)

"...when Charlie told me she had stole classified documents, I reported her.  I thought I was doing the right thing and the military put her in prison."

"Right. Where she was safe."

"No. I… I didn't know who she really was when I turned her in. I didn't know what prison would do to her."

"She wanted you to turn her in, Jenna. She set you up to do so. She knew that as long as she was in government custody no one could get to her."

"Charlie fought in two wars.  Who was she afraid of?"

"A private securities firm, most likely.  You know that I met her? She was working on this genetic sequencing project that had the potential to save lives, but also destroy them. And there were some people out there who saw applications for her research that went beyond her intentions."

"She was doing research that could help save lives, and people wanted to use it to create a bioweapon."

"Well yeah, she created this pathogen that could seek out and dismantle specific sequences. Just think about it -- a smart bomb that could be detonated in the middle of a crowded city, only harm it's intended target. Think about the innocent civilian lives saved while you take out leaders of terrorist organizations."

"Or commit genocide. If her work fell into the wrong hands, it could quietly wipe out entire groups of people because they share a certain genetic code, while their neighbors go about living their lives.  Why do you know so much about this? What's your interest in my sister?"

"I believed that I had a use for her pathogen, at one time. But my fight is over now."

A few notes about this exchange.

Clearly Charlie's pathogen is the key ingredient in the smart bomb that Flint was developing, as discussed in 1x12.

Liz's "personal genome machine" can break down the alien genetics and give Project Shepherd what they need to use a smart bomb on the aliens. 

Don't forget, her lab is protected by Air Force security set up by "Alex's team". (Badbadbadbad!)

Rosa describing her bipolarism. 

"I get these mood swings sometimes. Like, I can be happy and singing one minute, and then, all of a sudden, this darkness just closes in over me, and I have all these voices telling me that I'm worthless."

Jesse gives Cam the name of the security firm looking for Charlie.  We don't see the name of it. He warns her to be careful. "I may be hobbled but they are not."

"Now, you were hunting aliens, and I gave you Max's name. Why didn't you lock him up in Caulfield with the rest?"

"I don't know.  I guess I feel like there's a story unfolding in Roswell. Has been for more than 50 years.  You can't blame me for wanting to see how it ends."

Catherine Zeta-Jones in a laser maze -- Liz is referencing the 1999 movie Entrapment.

Liz trying to science-intrigue Kyle….

"Interesting historical footnote. There was an internment camp in Roswell. Nazi POWs built half this city.  Hence the iron crosses. My great-great grandfather BoDean's foreman got busted for hiding a couple of women here. According to him 'A couple Nazi spies escaped and strudeled their schnitzel for room and board right here on this very farm.  See, I was never really as into shooting squirrels as Wyatt is, so, when I came out here for summers as a kid, my cousin Kate and I -- we'd prowl the property for artifacts."

"You know, what we're doing you and me -- it doesn't only have to be for Max...once Max is healthy, we could use this genome machine to Target cellular apoptosis.  I mean, we could craft polymerase sequencing in human DNA. We don't have to stop. We have no boards, no restrictions…"

Apoptosis is also sometimes referred to as "cellular suicide" or "spontaneous single cell death".

Polymerase is like the building blocks of DNA.

In other words, Liz is really, really smart.

FORREST LONG!!!!!! 😂😂😂. 

Alex on the bullet shells: "These match the M1917s the airmen used in '48.

"They were scattered all over the property. Legend has it the Nazis we're building some kind of bomb in the barn. Then one night the Air Force showed up."

"The night of the fire."

"The blaze burned so hot it turned sand to stone. Papers say that lightning struck the barn and everyone died in the flames, but...that's bull.  See I think the Air Force covered up the massacre that happened when they discovered that weapon.

A few things on this scene… 

Forrest mentions his cousin Kate...Wyatt's sister who was murdered by Noah in 2008.  So Forrest is Wyatt Long's cousin. 

Substitute Nazi for alien and it's probably all based somewhat based in truth.  In the 1940s that definitely would have been a reasonably obvious way to cover it up, especially given the history that Forrest cites and the military culture in Roswell.

Note: POW = prisoner of war

The iron crosses Forrest references…

Article on the German POWs in the Roswell Daily Record…

Walt was hiding in the barn when Tripp made it explode.  Explosion looked shimmery, like the alien ship & tech. 

Also, more info than you ever wanted to know about the Roswell Army Air Field/Walker Air Force Base/Roswell International Air Center...including some info on the POWs.

Sheriff Valenti's theory on Noah's death:

"I think Max Evans poisoned Noah and left him in the desert the night of the lightning storm, and I think Isobel Evans was in on it."

Kyle says it would take gallons of acetone to poison someone.

Tripp was Alex's great uncle

Nora was working on a ship to take the pods home.

TRIPP MANES!!!  Full name is Eugene Manes III.

Alex finally gives Michael the piece of alien ship he's had.  He doesn't want to be another Manes man standing in Michael's way.

Cam's voicemail to Liz.

"Got a lead on my sister.  Give me a call when you get that tin-star-wearing E.T. awake, so I can curse him out for worrying us all. Good luck Liz. Bring Max home."

Arturo's Spanish to Liz and Rosa.

"Das gracias a Dios.  Gracias todos los dias."

Translates generally to "Thank God.  Thanks every day."

Isobel's monologue at the end:

"The idea of God always freaked me out. Like, apparently he made people in his own image, which, first of all, get over yourself. And also, does that apply to us? Does every planet have its own God? Let's say that we're all clones of the big guy in the sky. Well then, doesn't it stand to reason that we're all capable of slinging light? Well I guess by that same token we're all capable of tremendous wrath. We're walking contradictions. A never-ending mercurial rise and fall. Darkness and light. I guess the real miracle is choosing the light. Despite the ever-present darkness. Look at us. You're in the middle of a downright biblical desert, galaxies from where we started. I mean, our very existence is a miracle. I'm capable of so much more than I thought I was, Max. I really think that maybe I could do great things. I need you to come back, okay? I need you to be the thing that I can believe in. That doesn't let me down. I just need this one little miracle, and I promise I won't ever ask for anything ever again."

MUSIC:

1. LEN "Steal My Sunshine"

2. Spacehog "In The Meantime"

3. Duke Ellington "Take It Easy"

4. Maná "Como Te Deseo"

5. Oasis "Don't Look Back In Anger"

6. Ben Harper "Waiting On An Angel"

[pendletonthethird-blog]

Black Singles Dot Com: How Much Is Love Worth? This has been bothering me for a while, but I didn't want to appear harsh, judgmental or persnickety. But it's been two months now since I first noticed the trend and I have got to speak on it. I'm not expecting corroboration or validation - I just need to get it off my considerable chest and understand what it is about it that bothers me exactly. Okay, enough stalling. I'm talking about membership fees and the men or women (trying hard to be impartial here) who don't pay them. When I signed up at Black Singles Connection[i] (BSC) in 2003, I signed up as a non-subscriber on a free 7-day trial. I began communicating with folks, so when the free trial ended, I subscribed in order to maintain my ability to communicate via email and chat. After about four months, life and financial situations merited a choice. It was necessity vs. fluff, and my BSC subscription fell under the gun. Loathe to give up my communication, I succumbed to the temptation of coding my email address in parts of my lengthy introduction. Wouldn't you know it? Tasha, the site warden, found it. I mean, do you know how many profiles on there have email addresses? And they're not even cleverly disguised! Not one to give up easily, I waited a few months or so, then tried it again. Busted … again! So I retired (gracefully, I'd like to think) from the fray. I mention the above, not because I want to highlight my not-so-stellar attempt to sidestep payment, but to tell you that my own angst on this topic bewilders me. It's now May 2005 and I don't even recall how or why I was prompted to resurrect my BSC profile. Maybe it was during one of my holiday hideaways from the influx of family and friends. You know - those moments when you, the single person, become aware of the fact that it's yet another holiday gathering for which you're grateful and enthused, but you're still without a significant other. Or maybe it was just a freebie promotion on BSC's part. In any case, I gave it another shot. I was still not impressed by the fact that I would have to subscribe once my free trial ended if I wanted to continue communication, but hey, that decision was seven days away. Upon checking the minglemail[ii] I noticed that I had some emails from November of 2004 to February of 2005, and being ever the polite one, I responded - apologizing for the delay in response, non-membership, yadda yadda. One person responded and we began communicating, so when my free time was up, with my finances now on point, I again subscribed. I noticed that in my absence the site had grown and changed. I'd done nothing to alter my intro (just updated my pictures) but I noticed that I got more responses. In fact, I received numerous smiles, ecards and profiles daily. At first I felt like the wallflower at the dance who somehow, without even announcing her intent to run, was elected homecoming queen! It seemed as though girlfriend was all that and a bag of chips! But after responding and receiving a meager response, it slowly dawned on me that at least seventy percent of these ecard, smile, and profile senders had no subscriptions. I checked the profiles more closely. Fifty percent of them boldly stated, "Not a member. To contact me, IM me when I'm online." The other half included cleverly or not so cleverly disguised email addresses. Now, I'm all about honesty and letting me know what I'm dealing with up front, so why were my sensibilities offended by these bald statements? After all, weren't they doing what I'd tried (unsuccessfully) to do? Weren't they being honest - another trait that's high on my list? Why the angst? Maybe I thought, if he's searching for a woman, how is he gonna take care of one when he can't even afford a subscription? Or maybe he can but decided it's not important that he foot the bill for said endeavor? Or maybe it was the tenets of my upbringing that unequivocally stated that the male should do the courting? Or maybe it was the little deception of the email within the description, thereby avoiding the subscription fee? As you can see, this really bothered me. As a result I changed my parameters. Ignore all profile or card senders and only respond to emails. Satisfied with my decision, I began to avail myself of the chat room and message board. Then one day while chatting, I noticed a name pop into the chat room who'd sent me his profile the previous day. (Oops... guess he was a member after all. He could have just joined that day, but from the familiarity of the rest of the folk in the room, I kinda doubted that theory.) Hoping he'd forgotten about being ignored, I said hello and we chatted with each other and the rest of the room. He was a nice, funny, presentable guy. Strange - I never heard from him again. No worries, I said to myself. That's just a coincidence, what are the odds of that happening again? Obviously pretty high, because the same week another ignored suitor appeared in the chat room. I was forced to reevaluate my parameters to make allowances for the fact that some of the members on the site actually use the site's tools the way they were intended to be used. I was also reminded that, at one time due to financial circumstances, I too was unable to afford a membership. Just because I retired from the site as my solution didn't mean that others had to do the same. Where does it say that lack of finances negates the need for love, friendship or entertainment? Or that lack of finances makes us undeserving of the same? So I guess what I've figured out is that parameters are a part of life, and we all have to decide where ours begin and end; what we consider permissible or impermissible. Even so, it behooves us to beware of our parameters gaining a life of their own and, as in my case, becoming erroneous preconceived notions. [i] Now changed to BlackSingles.com [ii] The site's internal mail system