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girl4music · 3 months ago

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“Xena’s Quest for Transcendent Love

“WHAT WOULD XENA DO?” The question became a trademark of the syndicated TV series, Xena: Warrior Princess (1995–2001), highlighting the religious references that saturated Xena’s mystical universe. Through a crafty retelling of religious stories, the show subverted various myths and legends that have historically been created and perpetuated by those in power. Xena re-imagines a world through a feminine lens and draws from prominent spiritual traditions to center the series in an esoteric discourse that challenges the dominant ideology of today’s world religions, creating space for the possibility of a new mystical interpretation of divine truths.

The relationship between Xena and Gabrielle is described in language that’s reminiscent of the mystical texts describing a love of the divine. Xena’s quest is her mystical journey to unite her soul with that of Gabrielle: a union of her own darkness with Gabrielle’s pure light, of yin and yang, of good and evil. Xena finds that the Way of the Warrior is her spiritual path to union with her soulmate, which happens in the final moments of the series. Xena blends various spiritual traditions that expose its heroine to a variety of possible paths to her Truth. The retelling of these myths, and the creation of a lesbian subtext, find Xena as a disciple of the Tao, of Christ and the Virgin, and of an avatar of Krishna, all of which contribute to her spiritual quest.

Xena asserts that there are many paths, but that ultimately humanity is searching for a divine connection to the individual soul. Xena exposes the limitations of religious thought, broaching the possibility that spiritual completion can be realized by two mortals uniting as one; God need not be part of the equation. In this way, the notion of a mystical path has been taken out of the religious realm and brought into a secular arena, entailing unification not with a divine but with a mortal entity.

Set in Ancient Greece—and All That That Implies

The basic premise of the show is pretty straightforward. The show takes place in ancient Greece, where Xena witnessed the destruction of her village and the murder of her brother at a young age; she turns her anger inward by becoming a vengeful warlord and kills thousands of people. The show picks up during her quest for redemption, when “she renounces evil and resolves to spend the rest of her days doing good in order to atone for the misdeeds of her past” (Fillingim, 2009). She meets her sidekick, Gabrielle, and they set off to save the world from its suffering. At first glance, the show reads like an adventure story in which Xena battles evil armed with a hard stare and a sword. However, what brings the show to life is its meta-level awareness of its own dabbling in mythical, religious, and spiritual discourse.

The Xena universe is housed in a prominent oral tradition. By placing Xena in ancient Greece, the show’s creators can ask the kinds of metaphysical questions that Greece’s philosophers asked. The show even offers an explanation for why we haven’t heard of Xena along with Socrates and Plato: she has been written out of the history books by those in power (all men) who decided what to record. Throughout the show, Gabrielle is the bard who records Xena’s adventures in what become known as the “Xena Scrolls.” Thus what the audience is witnessing is a retelling of history, a recreation of our most prominent and indoctrinated myths, including that of Christ. But what the scrolls mostly contain is a log of Gabrielle and Xena’s adventures, including their many mystical experiences of reaching the divine through death and transfiguration.

The “meta” element to which I alluded concerns the way in which the show is aware of its audience, and particularly one segment thereof: the queer community, which is let in on this cryptic knowledge. The esoteric notion of same- sex love is a central subtext of Xena. These undertones give queer viewers a secret language in which to communicate with the Xena universe. The openly gay producer of the show, Liz Friedman, is arguably the catalyst for such content. In an interview, she acknowledged: “That’s one of the best parts of the job, getting to throw in references that I know the fans who are interested in that will pick up on, but don’t necessarily flash any irrevocable red lights” (B, 2003). An example of such innuendo occurs in season two, when the currently dead Xena possesses the body of Autolycus and instructs Gabrielle to “Close your eyes. Close them tightly and think of me.” As Xena leans in to kiss Gabrielle, the scene cuts to show Autolycus and Gabrielle kissing.

Another moment occurs in an episode in which the day keeps repeating itself over and over until Xena discovers the cause. A frustrated Xena lashes out at Gabrielle and her friend Joxer: “It’s not the Fates; it’s not Ares; it’s not something that I ate. No, I have no poison dart marks. I have no Bacchae bites.” A distracted Joxer then points to Xena’s neck and asks, “Is that a hickey?” The characters fall silent as both Xena and Gabrielle look away from the camera sheepishly. The hickey reference was Xena’s way of sneaking in a lesbian innuendo, a secret nod to its growing GLBT audience; and hey, the remark was tossed off during an endlessly repeating day, so no one will remember it, right? Similar innuendos—originally devised as a marketing ploy, perhaps—would eventually become part of the larger theme of redemption and love. As one critic observed: “As the series progressed, the sly jokes and innuendo turned into loving glances and a physical closeness that was increasingly intimate in nature, beyond the kinds of interactions one sees between ‘just friends’” (B, 2003).

Despite the subtext, there is no explicit affirmation of either Xena or Gabrielle’s sexual orientation. In fact, they both had relationships with men, but they always circled back to their eternal bond. Renée O’Connor, the actress who plays Gabrielle, admitted in an interview: “I think Gabrielle is probably searching for her soulmate and that she found it in Xena, actually. Having been through the entire series, she’s probably been searching for the love of her life, which is Xena” (B, 2003). The relationship becomes transgressive because it claims love cannot be defined in binary terms such as homo- and heterosexual. The relationship transcends the restrictive categories of human language, elevating Gabrielle and Xena’s love out of the human and into the divine realm.

Xena’s relationship with the Greek gods is always one of dysfunction, distrust, and disbelief. As the introduction to each episode announces: “In a time of ancient gods, warlords and kings, a land in turmoil cried out for a hero.” Xena forged her own path with a warrior cry and a sword. She didn’t rely on anything or anyone outside of what she knew. Her relation to the Greek pantheon was summarized succinctly by one critic (Fillingim, 2009): “In episodes where the Greek gods play a prominent role, the plot generally shows Xena’s moral, tactical, and intellectual superiority to the gods.” Xena finds herself within a myth culture in which she is not dependent on the gods but entirely self-sufficient, existing in another realm altogether.

But there’s another way in which Xena is influenced by Greek thought. In the Symposium, Plato describes a deep desire for a universal love: “Nor will his vision of the beautiful take the form of a face, or of hands, or of anything that is of the flesh … but subsisting of itself and by itself in an eternal oneness.” In this dialogue with the priestess, Diotima, Plato describes the quest for beauty—which Plato conflates with love—as a means of spiritual ascent: “Starting from the individual beauties, the quest for the universal beauty must find him ever mounting the heavenly ladder.” This knowledge of the divine may be considered a kind of esoteric knowledge that only a few people will acquire. According to Arthur Versluis, “Platonic philosophy is in some way esoteric, because it asserts that true knowledge is attained only by a few philosophers through deep contemplation while most people are deceived by the shadowy illusions of the physical world” (Bailey, 2009). In this scenario, Xena is one of those for whom this esoteric knowledge is not out of reach.

The Symposium does not neglect the purely physical attraction to beautiful boys, which indeed is presented as the first step toward the love of beauty in the abstract, and from there a love of wisdom, virtue, and the Good. Moving to Xena and Gabrielle, it is arguable that their relationship is not defined by sex but by the absence of any sexual category. In this sense Xena represents a universal love that is distinct from sexual love. The show neither labels nor defines the love between the protagonists, taking it to a level of transcendence that subsumes a physical union along with a mystical union of two souls. Reflecting on her former life of killing and revenge, Xena credits Gabrielle with her transformation: “Sure. I was trapped in a cycle of violence and hatred. And no matter how I tried to break free, something always pulled me back—until you. … You talk about trying to find your way, but to me, you are my way.”

Jesus, Mary, and Xena

This divine love between women is not a sexual love but an eroticized love. Briggs (2009) writes, “the death and resurrection of Xena and Gabrielle (homo)eroticize Christ but simultaneously spiritualize, desexualize and occlude any lesbian relationship between them.” The show plays on this eroticism with the footage of the crucifixion.

A similar eroticism can be seen in pictures of Jesus’ crucifixion where he is seen as mother, giving birth to the church, Ecclesia. The sentiment is expressed by the medieval anchoress Julian of Norwich, who wrote in 1395: “This fair lovely word ‘Mother’ it is so sweet and so kind in itself that it may not verily be said of none ne to none but of him and to him that is very Mother of life and of all.” Julian’s expressive words to describe Christ as mother derive from early Christian mystical writings in which Christ was seen as the divine tree of life, the giver of life itself.

This idea of an eroticized or ecstatic Jesus is developed further by Kripal and Hanegraaff (2008): “Western esoteric sources often describe the attainment of an ineffable mystical gnosis in erotic and sexual terms, that is, as a ‘consummation,’ ‘embrace,’ ‘unitive bliss,’ ‘rapture,’ ‘kiss,’ ‘cleaving,’ ‘marriage,’ and so on.” By eroticizing Xena on the cross, the series is not only connecting Xena with the Christian Savior but with an eroticized Christ. What’s more, Gabrielle is also crucified alongside Xena, implying a kind of unity in duality. The double crucifixion symbolizes two bodies dying to unite into oneness, one soul complete and purified in death. It is at the end of the episode that the souls of the heroes are seen to take flight, and, hand in hand, ascend together to heaven. The crucifixion of Xena and Gabrielle is the transcendent representation of the feminine mystical divine.

Xena and Gabrielle’s relationship is further eroticized in the final episode, in which Gabrielle attempts to rescue Xena, who has died yet again. To save Xena, Gabrielle drinks from the Fountain of Strength and kisses Xena in order to restore her by passing along the contents of the fountain. The kiss is reminiscent of the portrayal of Jesus kissing Ecclesia, which in turn is a reference to the Song of Solomon in the Old Testament. The Venerable Bede, an 8th-century monk, interpreted the Song of Songs as an eroticized love poem between the soul and God. If we think of the love between Xena and Gabrielle in this light, then it becomes apparent that what is between them is not a sexual lust, but sensual love that is divine in nature. It is love between two souls, two halves that have sought to become one.

At the start of the fifth season, Gabrielle and Xena find themselves in the spiritual realm, and Gabrielle tries to save Xena’s soul as she raises an army in Hell. With Xena and Gabrielle separated, Xena returns to the dark side, and it is their reunion that saves Heaven and Hell, restoring balance to the world. As Xena and Gabrielle are resurrected by their friends, Xena discovers that she is pregnant with Eve—an immaculate conception of sorts. Xena has become the Virgin Mary. “Her birth brings about the twilight of the Greek gods,” writes Kathleen Kennedy (2007). “But in the modern western world, the name Eve automatically invokes the mother of ‘mankind’ whose disobedience of God leads to the ‘fall of man.’” Xena is savior, mother, and protector of human life. It is through motherhood and love that she saves the world, not divine intervention. Write Kripal and Hanegraaff (2008) of this phenomenon: “In the depths of human sexuality lies hidden the secret of religion, occultism, magical power, spirituality, transcendence, life, God, Being itself. … We are dealing with a metaphysics of sex, itself intimately entwined with the destiny of the soul.” Xena’s spiritual journey brands her as savior, and mother, and all that is left is her final redemption in death.

Her Courage Will Change the World

Xena uses a feminist lens to explore the possibility of a world where the boundary between myth and reality is blurred, and where the esoteric meets the mysticism of divine love. The show relies on the esoteric knowledge of various spiritual traditions—as well as a lesbian subtext—to further its ultimate assertion that one’s mystical path is not toward God but toward the divine love of two souls joining as one. The show takes the audience through Xena’s spiritual journey in tandem with Gabrielle’s. Enlightenment is taken to mean spiritual redemption in which one’s soul is reunited with its other half. This oneness is the universal, divine love.

Xena makes room for the possibility of a mystical experience, a unification with something greater than ourselves, that is unburdened by dogmatic scriptures, the language of binaries, or other worldly limitations. In this way, Xena subverts the particularistic love paradigms represented by both Plato and Christianity, realizing a universal love that is rooted in two human lives but not dependent upon sexual love. This love is not strictly labeled or defined, but clearly it is a type of love that transcends death, a love that is ineffable, that literally does not have a name.”

This is it! This is it exactly! Xena and Gabrielle’s love was never a sexual love. Or at least it wasn’t depicted as being sexual. It couldn’t be of course. But they found a way to work with that by still erotizing it. By still illustrating that it is a very romantic type of love. Having them still kiss but in ways that provided a sort of “no homo” excuse for the network but still also providing something that of which was homoerotic.

I mean having them kiss as a water transfer is far more romantic and powerful than a kiss just to be a kiss because it’s about giving Xena the strength to fight. Gabrielle is literally reinvigorating her via kissing her. But at the same time, because she had to do it, they could get away with it happening. With showing it.

But that’s the perfect way to describe what their relationship is without giving it a label or definition in its nature that we can comprehend as a collective:

Transcendent Love.

Beyond sexuality. Beyond friendship. Beyond lovers.

But - at the same time - all of that combined together.

Their love was more emotional and spiritual in nature than it ever was sexual. But it was always romantic. It was always erotic. It was always an actual love story.

And no one was ever saying that it wasn’t ever sexual either. It’s implied frequently that they do have sex. It’s just that that could never be visually represented. And it didn’t need to be. It really didn’t need to be. You’ve got fanfiction for that. That should be enough.

#xena warrior princess #xena and gabrielle #xena #lucy lawless #gabrielle #renee o'connor #wlw representation #queer representation #the quest for transcendant love #the gay and lesbian review

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moirtre · 2 years ago

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* 10 : 09 PM . POSTURE: jan. 13, 2016.

CHARACTERS: melanie bae & yoon yeeun. WORDS: 739. WARNINGS: swearing.

Easily attached. Those were the words noted by Yeo Joo-eun in Heri’s file after her 6-month trainee evaluation. Always a half-step behind, Joo-eun pitied the fourteen-year-old whose bold features never seemed to match her muted nature. Uninteresting, at most. Those were the words remarked by Jeong Ka-rin to her creative director when Heri broke down in the practice room at sixteen, heartbroken for reasons other trainees would’ve been overjoyed.

Disappointment always seemed to hang over Heri’s head. Following her like a shadow, reminding anyone who glanced at her of the muteness that defined her personage. That muteness, somehow, never attacked her talent. Everyone knew Heri was talented— quite so. She was known for her voice, effortlessly high with a natural airiness. For her ear, musicality is embedded in her every thought. And for her kindness, like snow with its beautification of everything it covered. If it were not for the permanent sadness stitched into the creases of her eyes, Heri could have had her every wish. But self-sabotage never allowed for many wishes.

Within the group, Melanie was regarded as Heri’s direct opposite. Where Heri seemed to dampen with melancholic disappointment, Melanie blossomed with poise— the same elegant poise that escaped Heri the moment she debuted. Jae-jin, the girls’ manager from the beginning, liked to joke the two were yin and yang. Melanie, known to scoff at any comparison between herself and Heri, liked to make the point that yin and yang were direct opposites, equal opposites. And Heri was never Melanie's equal.

No one quite knows when ‘Heri and Melanie’ became ‘Heri’s obsession with Melanie’. but sometime between their debut and Melanie's first solo project, Heri's eyes gained vitality. The muteness that dominated her bold features grew lost in a glaze of enchantment. For the first time, “possibly in her life” (Naira was known to scoff at any mention of Heri), Heri allowed herself to be. Casting a wish as blissfully as the white snow cataloged on gorgeous winter days.

“It's like she puts you on a pedestal,” Juniper mutters half-heartedly. Melanie's eyebrows raise, making eye contact with the group's leader through the mirror.

“And you don’t?” She speaks with a laugh, drawing an unimpressed stare from Juniper.

“Personally, I think it’s cute. like-” she pauses. “When was the last time she looked like- I don’t know… like she didn’t dread her existence?” Juniper giggles at this, deep dimples appearing in her pale, apple cheeks.

“Can't remember.”

Melanie hums in affirmation of her point. A brief silence enveloped the two girls before Melanie spoke up once more. “Apparently she’s pretty good at making songs. like, producing them.”

It is Juniper's eyebrows that rise this time, surprised brown eyes watching Melanie and anticipating her next words.

“Jae-jin told me they’re giving her a chance. She might end up producing something with Carter for some kids’ show.”

“So they're like… testing her.” Melanie nods, “Yeah, Carter gets to evaluate her, see how good she really is—”

“Potentially make her cry.”

Juniper interrupts, adding in the thought with a brief chuckle released from Melanie.

“He's excited about it for some reason. Don’t know why, really.”

“Mels,” Juniper begins, sending the golden-haired singer a deadpan look. “Because he can be an asshole to her and get paid for it.”

She nods, slowly, pensive in her agreement. “He's mean for free, getting paid for it? That’s like- the perfect scenario for him.” Juniper mutters, shifting in her position perched on her closest friend's bed sheets.

“How do you think it’s gonna go for her?” Juniper speaks up quietly, almost as if she was afraid of posing the question. Her gentle fear is validated through Melanie’s casual scoff accompanied by a roll of her eyes.

“Honestly? I don’t give a fuck.”

Juniper's eyebrows shoot up in surprise once again. Despite her increasing awareness of how much Melanie resented the group’s second-youngest, the depth of her disdain for Heri never ceased to catch Juniper off guard.

“I want her gone. If Carter can’t manage to do that, I’ll go to Trenton— shit, even Ka-rin if I have to."

Juniper breathes deeply, fear creeping into her eyes as she takes in the words of the woman she’s looked up to since she first entered the company. In that moment Juniper understood the depths of Heri’s reverence for the group’s most popular member.

And Juniper knew better than anyone else that when Melanie Bae wanted something, she would get it.

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rinofwater · 1 year ago

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Okay okay okay so I've wanted to respond to this post for a while now because it's definitely one of those interesting ambiguous discussions you can have around the show and I'm still not going to be coming away with a solid answer but just some things my friend and I have discovered in the symbolism around the otherself that are worth considering and throwing into the discussion

First and foremost, there is a time or two we see them separately, but it's hard to tell when it's meant to be taken literally and when it's artistic license (Nopperu Bou is heavily implied to be happening in Ochou's mind so by the time the two them are on the screen together--Kusu in front of her and the other behind her with the sword out--it could be a literal separation or it could be an artistic one in a mind space where reality is a little more fluid than what we think, like Kusu's still got the markings on his face while he's talking to Ochou but we can't see the eye on the back of his kimono to see if it's open or shut, and we can also see the golden bands already snaked up and down the other's arms, but in usual release scenes you can see the colors and markings draining from Kusu's face and clothes and going onto the hyper form, and this is all of course assuming you don't ascribe to the take that he never actually drew the sword in the first place or actually did the excorsism and was just trying to get through to Ochou before she *really* became a mononoke like everything about this arc is wild and abstract right?; there's also the swapping off the mirror in Umi Bozu which is NOT set in someone's head but the colors get all weird when the hand-off happens as if they can only meet in some weird liminal space, so again, artistic license or meant to be taken literally? Who knows?)

With those considerations being presented, I now want to point out that a lot of the symbolism attached to the otherself is tiger symbolism, as opposed to the strong ties to kitsune and Inari that Kusu has. Like there's some promotional drawings that have him petting some tigers, Kusu napping on one while the other watches over him, the golden bands across his body compared to the swirls on his face look a lot like stripes and other tiger-like markings, and tigers have a prominent place in Chinese and Japanese mythology as being powerful guardians, kings of all quadripedal creatures, the earth-grounded yin to the dragon's yang. Tiger yokai (Byakko) even have while fur, apparently very similar in appearance to a bengal tiger (and with that barely off-white hair with the otherself, it just ties it in more). The yin energy also ends up being important too in this case because that's going to be your passive energy, your "lying in wait until you find the right moment to strike" energy, and since he can't come out until specific information is established, that could tie back in too

And MOST interestingly: there's a Japanese saying that when translated to English equates to something like "a fox borrowing the power of a tiger," which is to say somebody's acting like hot shit when they're not really, but when taken literally...we've already mentioned that Kusu has a lot to do with foxes, and the other has a lot to do with tigers. Also, in the Ayakashi Bakeneko arc, Kusu's very insistent that he's just a normal human, there's nothing special about him, even if he can draw the sword there's no guarantee he'll succeed because the sword is being wielded by a human (how much of this is a lie or otherwise a manipulation of the truth and how much of this can be taken at face value is...again highly subjective and up to interpretation, this is the Highly Subjective And Up To Interpretation show after all), but the way he insists on the distinction implies there's at least some level of distinction between the two of them as entities that exist in this world

What is that distinction exactly? I'm gonna be honest, after all that I have no clue, I've been trying to chase the threads wherever they might lead and that could still go with them being separate entities in one body or being two sides of the same person or anything in between, but I think it's at least worth bringing all of that into the convo

A question that pops up in my head a lot pertaining to Kusuriuri and Hyper.

Are they two different people? Or is hyper just a physical manifestation of Kusuriuri's power? Of course, we can't forget the options of Hyper being a different entity entirely that shares a body with him. (I.e shared body trope)

I love the idea that Hyper is an alter-Ego formed by the motives to slay Mononoke, or just a drive for good in general. I've read many pieces of fiction where a character has a so called alter-Ego, but none are ever separate from the host. Now that I think of it, do we ever see hyper separate from Kusuriuri besides his 'transformation' scenes? I can't wrap my head around it. It also bugs me that we never get ANY clarification as to what hyper is, and I think that's just what makes mononoke the thrilling, mysterious series that it really is.

#unorganized vaguely analytical ramblings brought to you by your local dumbass #who doesn't know shit about fuck but still enjoys the challenge anyway #its me im the dumbass i just realized it might look like im calling op the dumbass and that is NOT the intention

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sokkastyles · 4 years ago

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Zutara Month Day 10: Oma and Shu

I’ve seen some people point out that Zutara doesn’t necessarily fit Oma and Shu because the Oma and Shu myth is more Romeo and Juliet than enemies to lovers, and those people are not necessarily wrong. Romeo and Juliet, just like Oma and Shu, were never themselves enemies. They did nothing but love each other, but were forbidden from being together because of the feud. Zutara, in most interpretations, is less a “forbidden” romance and more a transition from enemies to friends to lovers. Most people imagine them growing to love each other after becoming friends, often after Zuko’s redemption and the end of the war. Nonetheless, the Oma and Shu story does share several parallels with Zutara that many fans have picked up on. What I want to do is examine some of these parallels from a meta angle, to look at the Oma and Shu story as it appears in the series and other similar stories that appear in ATLA, and to also compare them to similar stories in the real world, and analyze a bit the popularity of these various tales of forbidden love, why they are popular, and what their purpose is, as well as how Zutara fits into all this.

In universe, the Oma and Shu story, in addition to being a love story, is also an origin myth of sorts for the Earth Kingdom. It explains the creation of the city of Omashu, as well as telling the story of some of the first humans to learn earthbending. The message of the story, in addition to being a tale about love thriving between two unlikely people, and a cautionary tale about what happens when love is prevented from flourishing, is also a message about love being an act of creation and a force of transformation.

Love is brightest in the dark.

This sentence is a paradox, but it fits with the theme of balance that the show comes back to again and again, of breaking down barriers and deconstructing dichotomies to create something new, something more whole than the original. Something mirroring the harmony of yin and yang.

The greatest illusion of this world is the illusion of separation. Things you think are separate and different are actually one and the same. We are all one people, but we live as if divided.

The above quote by Guru Pathik is also similar to Iroh’s philosophy, which he tries to teach Zuko.

It is important to draw wisdom from many different places. If you take it from only one place, it becomes rigid and stale. Understanding others, the other elements, and the other nations will help you become whole.

Iroh also says something in “The Crossroads of Destiny” that echoes the Oma and Shu story.

Iroh: Perfection and power are overrated. I think you were very wise to choose happiness and love.

Aang: What happens if we can't save anyone and beat Azula? Without the Avatar State, what if I'm not powerful enough?

Iroh: I don't know the answer. Sometimes, life is like this dark tunnel. You can't always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you just keep moving, [Aang earthbends the rocks away one last time. Iroh's fire blows out. He smiles.] you will come to a better place.

Iroh says that Aang is wise to choose love over power, while walking through a dark tunnel, and advises Aang to trust in the darkness to bring him to the light. Meanwhile, Zuko and Katara, two people on opposite sides of a war, share a moment of unlikely tenderness in a cave lit by glowing crystals.

Zuko in the crystal catacombs does what Iroh has been trying to teach him to do, to let go of pride and the need for power, and to instead embrace compassion and humility. Which is what he does when he apologizes to Katara. This is also part of what stories like Romeo and Juliet teach us, that pride and petty grievances are destructive, and that only by embracing love do we become whole.

I know the prompt is Oma and Shu, but thinking about that story and its place in the narrative made me think about other mythic stories that appear in the series, so let’s look at another one that has significance for zutara: Love Amongst the Dragons, Ursa’s favorite play that she took young Zuko and Azula to see every year.

The actual story of Love Amongst the Dragons, according to the ATLA wiki, is this:

The play features the Dragon Emperor, bound to mortal form by the Dark Water Spirit, and forced to adopt the alias of Noren. The humble experience results in Noren falling in love with a mortal, and through this love he is able to break free of his curse. The play concludes with Noren defeating the Dark Water Spirit and embracing his mortal girlfriend, revealed to be the Dragon Empress.

What struck me when I found this description was that this is, with some slight changes, pretty much the Chinese myth of the marriage between Dragon and Phoenix, a representation for yin and yang and harmony in marriage, and which I compared in a meta to zutara as well.

Like the Oma and Shu story, it is a story about unlikely love, and about crossing divisions. It also has a lot of similarities with various myths involving shapeshifting love-interests, often referred to as “animal bride/husband” myths (which beauty and the beast is a subset of).

The symbolism of the tale in-universe is in its connection to Ursa, and thus Zuko’s connection to his mother. Zuko’s connection to his mother is contrasted with his connection to his father, which is representative of Zuko’s destructive side. When Zuko was trying to capture the Avatar, he was searching for his father’s approval, to become someone that would earn his father’s love. Ursa, meanwhile, taught Zuko kindness and compassion, and told him that it didn’t matter that he wasn’t the most powerful or strong. That Ursa took Zuko to see this particular play is significant, a play about a godlike being, the Dragon Emperor, being humbled and learning to love.

Only with your glory hidden in false form could you recognize my devotion.

Though different, and originating in a different nation, this is another tale about love shining through the dark, about letting go of pride and choosing compassion. Animal bride/husband myths are often about seeing past what is hidden to see the truth. They are stories of transformation, and like the Oma and Shu story, are about the transformative power of love.

It’s also from this play that Zuko gets his Blue Spirit alter ego, which Zuko uses as an exploration of his own identity apart from being the Fire Nation prince. In this story the same mask is worn by the villainous Dark Water Spirit. It is very interesting that Zuko uses an identity associated with water for this purpose. Also, like the Blue Spirit, the Dark Water Spirit seems to be a bit on the morally ambiguous side. Even though the spirit is defeated at the end of the story, its motivation for transforming the Dragon Emperor seems to be to teach him humility, and this is a message the play seems to promote.

Zuko and Azula’s dialogue from the above comic pages is interesting because it expands on what we already know about both characters. Zuko complains about always having to play the villain, just as he was made a scapegoat by his father and sister, and his adapting of the Blue Spirit identity is essentially him reclaiming that identity that was forced on him while trying to figure out who he really is. Azula sees herself as the Dragon Emperor, but she misunderstands the message of the story completely, and it’s not a coincidence that she talks over the love scene in the comic above and responds angrily and pridefully to the man who tries to shush her. Similar to Ozai when he names himself the Phoenix King, ironically misinterpreting the actual myth. I also think there’s something interesting to say about gender here, as this post points out. Not only does Ozai associate himself with a female figure, but Azula associates herself with the male Dragon Emperor, while Zuko is associated with the more feminine water spirit (water being a feminine element.) However, by the end of the series, Zuko embodies the transformed Dragon Emperor, while Katara I associated before with the Phoenix/Dragon Empress, as she is associated with healing and rebirth. Also notice the red and blue color coding in the comic page above, both with the Water Spirit and Dragon Emperor and in the coloring of the two lovers.

This also brings me to another play present in the series, the play that the gaang goes to see performed by the Ember Island Players. The same players that Zuko says his mother took him to see. The play we see them put on in the series is a Fire Nation propaganda play, promoting Ozai and the war. I actually can’t imagine that Love Amongst the Dragons, a play about a Dragon Emperor learning humility, was very popular during Ozai’s reign. We hear about it being performed before Ozai became Fire Lord, but we can assume that those visits to the theatre stopped after Ursa’s disappearance. The only other time we hear about that particular play being performed is after the end of the war. This leads me to imagine that it was necessary for the Ember Island Players to find a different play to perform while Ozai was in charge. While the play is not necessarily subverting Fire Nation superiority (the villain is a water spirit, after all), it is confrontational enough that I can imagine Ozai’s brand of narcissism seeing it as a challenge to his authority. Ozai who disdained love in favor of power and control.

“The Boy in the Iceberg” contains another love story between two people from opposite sides in their depiction of Zuko and Katara in the crystal catacombs. I wrote before about how I’ve seen interpretations of this that say that the Fire Nation was trying to portray zutara as an “inferior” Water Tribe woman falling for a “superior” Fire Nation man - essentially saying that the play is in favor of zutara as a piece of Fire Nation pro-colonization propaganda - but the problem with this is that that isn’t how zutara is depicted in the play. The play mocks zutara by portraying Zuko as submissive and subservient to Aang, and Zuko is later killed, as he is currently a traitor and threat to the Fire Nation. Thus, the “romance” between Zuko and Katara is not being depicted as supporting the superior masculinity of Fire Nation men, but rather portraying Zuko, who willingly chose to dissasociate himself with the Fire Nation, as emasculated and submissive to other, “lesser” men and aggressive “foreign” women.

This is a complete mockery of the real connection that Zuko and Katara had in the catacombs, the kind of love that is inherently subversive because it requires Zuko humbling himself in front of Katara and admitting that he was wrong, and working for her forgiveness. It is the kind of love that the Fire Nation under Ozai’s rule rejects. The kind of love that is truly transformative, revelatory, and brings light to the darkness. The kind of love that creates rather than destroys, that unifies rather than divides. That is humble and not prideful. That’s the appeal of zutara.

#zutara #zuko #katara #zutara month 2021 #atla meta #the cave of two lovers #the crossroads of destiny #the ember island players #oma and shu #love amongst the dragons

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thesoundofanicefall · 4 years ago

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Midday, Midnight, the Lotus Flower between them

Alright everyone! Time to talk about the meaning of Mahiru's, Shinya's and Guren's names a bit!

I did promised it before to talk about this and as I could successfully pass my today exam with full mark! Then~ I wanna write it down as some kind of gift to myself lol

Before starting as you may know I dislike writing long theories so I just go straight to the main points!

Why Shinya and Mahiru's names are opposite of each others?!

Is it just some random names or Kagami has plans for them??

Absolutely the second option because we saw how much the meaning of names played important roles all this time.

What I want to say and think Kagami wants to use is this

This is the Yin and Yang cycle in Chinese culture with lots of deep meanings and one of them is that when something creats in this world, its oposite will also creat along with it too.

Just like right when the light created the darkness also created along with it too and actually one gives birth to another and these two always replace with each others.

Directly to the main point:

We all know Mahiru was a good and kind girl when she was a kid although she sounds to be a bit manipulating even as a kid too (in light there's darkness) but then she turned to nothing but a monster who destroyed Guren's life fully and finally forced him to fall into the same darkness she fell too.

Against this case that's Shinya Hiiragi.

A boy who had a hard past and even if he didn't have much choices his life he was the one who had a very dark past and his hands became bloody and dirty on a young age but even those times he was trying to makes friends and be kind

Just like as if he was trying to find light even on those dark moments

(in darkness there's light) but then he turned to someone's who was and is literary Guren's savior.

Mahiru showed the dark path to Guren before her death although Shinya showed the light path to Guren before his death and here is the point of:

Mahiru sounded too angelic and pure but she was nothing but a monster Guren finally found it out and accepted it too (Wrat19 volume 2 chapter 3) and Shinya was the one who sounded devil and stone heart but he was actually that savior who Guren always waited for.

As much as Mahiru ruined Guren's life, Shinya saved his life, gave him a reason to live and a reason to continue (Wrat19 volume 1 chapter 3)

Guren was like a sun to both Shinya and Mahiru (Kagami sensei's A & Q) but Mahiru ignored it although Shinya melted on its light and so the yin and yang cycle changed and one borned its oposite side again:

Mahiru and Shinya's places changed.

Shinya turned to the light one Mahiru turned to the dark one.

Maybe even that's why Guren's feelings chenged a lot too.

Crimson Lotus is a flower blossom in light of sun and day (not to mention that Lotus flower is the one who gave birth to Sun God Aten in Egyptian culture in the first place too) and we saw how much in Catastrophe at 16 novels Guren's all wish was to save Mahiru but now?! His desires completely turned to Shinya and all he wants now is to save Shinya instead which means how much Mahiru and Shinya's places changed just like the Yin and Yang cycle can change.

Also Kureto means twilight a balance between light and dark which we can clearly saw in his character that his nor a devil man like his father not a completely good human too but is a complete balance between both parts.

I also said this before too that in this story the symbols are not the usual one we always saw in real life.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4G-maagZciCsvpQFuKZvKAEYmiD5C97KI6iTo0/?utm_medium=copy_link

Someone who wears white doesn't exactly means that guy is the good guy and the one who wears black means to be the bad one! In this story the symbols are completely different just like how we saw it before in Fanbook of ONS that how Mika who wear white is the one who is in darkness and Yuu who wears the black one is actually the light one (just like how finally Mika turned to a demon and so yeah that was such spoil Yamato sensei gave us that time long ago)

And yeah so that was the post

Please share your ideas I'll be glad to hear them ^^

(@owari-no-edit here this one for you ;))

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pitch-pearl-void · 3 years ago

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(The borderlands anon from however long ago)

So, I finished watching the show a couple days ago, because there were a couple things that showed up consistently in fics i that I didn’t understand (blood blossoms, some of the baddies, a handful of fenton inventions, etc)

First off, I still very much prefer pitch pearl to amethyst ocean or whatever the hell it’s called

And also, do you know where pitch pearl as a ship came from? I know there’s the episode with fun and super, but is that all there really was? Or were there more early fandom headcannons that supported them as separate beings?

Hello again! Sorry this took so long, I wasn’t sure how to answer 😅

Canon did a poor job with AO. I would even say it did it dirty, but it's popular enough it doesn't need that kind of support lol. If you really want to give it a fair shake I’d recommend reading fanfiction for it, but I understand everyone’s preferences are different. I personally don’t ship it because shipping best friends is something I have real issues with, but it’s not a bad ship if you want something that’s soft and makes you feel all warm inside.

Onto pitch pearl tho!

Tbh, I’m not entirely sure myself how pitch pearl as a ship started. I don’t believe it was because of the Fun and Super episode, largely because those two are rarely used in the ship.

I asked someone else, and they thought that moment in What You Want when Phantom was first torn from Fenton as this colorless ghost might have been what started the concept they weren’t one whole person. Because, honestly? This ship goes far, FAR back. A lot of the older fics made Phantom into a voice in Danny’s head or a spirit that could separate from him at will without the need of the Ghost Catcher in order to offer Danny comfort. They had no rules because there weren’t any set way yet. The fact that Phantom could move and think independently from Danny was enough to get people thinking. It wasn't all romantic, most of it was borderline at best. They mostly focused on hurt/comfort and self-love, finding a balance between human and ghost with the occasional kiss thrown in.

Then there’s TUE, where Danny meets his evil future self and learns that his ghost half killed his human half after merging with Plasmius. It definitely gave more credence to the idea there might be more to Danny’s ghost half than simply having ghost powers. It aired before Identity Crisis, so it set the stage with a BOOM and had a much bigger impact on the ship. Phantom being seen as his own person is a bit more credible when he’s willing to kill Danny. It helped that TUE was a VERY popular episode. It drew in a huge crowd, and everyone was curious about what made the ghost half snap like that if he’s supposed to be Danny.

Supporting that idea is that a lot of the older art and fics took a darker view of Phantom in general, seeing him as Danny’s darker half or a ghost out for revenge after being imprisoned for so long. Even the name “pitch pearl” was created with that in mind. I always thought of it as “white hair/black hair” in the same vein as AO taking inspiration from Sam’s purple eyes and Danny’s blue, but when I went searching for the origins for the name, the old explanation set Danny Fenton as white pearl and Phantom as pitch black. The reasoning for that was partly their jumpsuits pre- and post- accident, but also because Fenton is human and “pure” while Phantom is a ghost and dangerous--because without Fenton, Phantom became Dan and destroyed everything.

For obvious and somewhat personal reasons, I don’t subscribe to that. But it does make all the art where Phantom looks evil while holding Danny make sense. I don’t like dark romance, and I’m personally thrilled we moved away from such a dark beginning, but it likely had a hand in the early popularity of pitch pearl.

If I were to guess how else it started when the source has them as one person, I would say it was most likely the fanart? Putting Fenton and Phantom side-by-side has a yin-yang appeal, and when they interact in art, you get the sense that these are two characters, not one. This was really popular when the fandom was much bigger than it is now.

For instance

Save Our Soul by nycken isn't a shipping piece by any means, but it could very easily give rise to the idea, especially if someone is new to the fandom.

They did not shy away from it being a self-cest ship back then, though. The idea that Phantom wasn't Danny was there, but I don't think anyone looked for evidence in the show to support it. That seems to be something the ship has evolved into rather than something it started from, and it is honestly my favorite way to see it.

I do have many headcanons about how they aren’t the same person in canon if you're interested! There’s the out of sync transformations, the title sequence and how Super and Fun are shown to separate in the Identity Crisis episode, Vlad’s inability to clone Danny, the way Danny talks to himself, just all kinds of things! If you want to hear more about those I'd be happy to answer 😁 (they'd probably be easier too lol)

But yeah, I think it was TUE and fanart. There may have been other factors (I think this was around the time Yu-Gi-Oh and puzzleshipping was popular too) because fandom doesn't exist in a vacuum, but I really couldn't say for sure. It's a ship that means different things for everyone who ships it. I like the psychological questions when they start off as "one" (the bonded peeps version) and enjoy the aus like soooo much, but others like it only for aus, and others like it as a crack ship, and then there are even others who like it as something dangerous. Some people love it for Fun and Super in Identity Crisis because they're just fun caricatures. It's hard to find the origin point when it has so many branches lol

#Danny Phantom #Danny Fenton #pitch pearl #pitchpearl #I personally stumbled into shipping pitch pearl after reading too many reaction stories where Maddie finds out about Danny's secret #funny way to fall into a ship huh? lol #long post

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linkspooky · 4 years ago

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White Wolf, Black Wolf: Yuji and Geto

Dualism, is a common theme in Jujutsu Kaisen. There’s a difference between binary opposites and a completementary pair. Binary opposites supposes that two ideas are complete opposites of eachother, they are enemies and therefore cannot coexist. Death is the opposite of life. However, ideas like the concept of yin and yang suggest that these pairs are not opposites, or even enemies, they just exist alongside one another. The feminine yin contains a single dot of the masculine yang energy inside of it and vice versa.

This pattern repeats itself with both Geto and Yuji. Two characters who seem like they are complete opposites, enemies, hero and villain and yet have far more in common with one another than one might thing. Each of them represented by a wolf, Yuji the white wolf, and Geto the black.

Dualism - describing how seemingly opposite or contrary forces may actually be complementary, interconnected, and interdependent in the natural world, and how they may give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another.

1. You and the Worst Person You Know Have More in Common than You Thought

Both Yuji and Geto are sharing their body with another existence. Not only that but a sorcerer from the previous era. Sukuna started out as a sorcerer, and one from the golden age of sorcerers. We don’t know who is in Geto yet, but they’ve made it clear several times that they’re not a sorcerer from this era, mockingly referring to the sorcerers of this era as beneath them. The difference is, Yuji is the dominant personality and Geto is the subordinate one. They even fight for control of their body in the same way, by grabbing their neck.

Both Yuji and Geto have died, and then been improbably brought back to life one time already and had their body healed by the same person who seeks to steal their body. They also both died in front of their other half, their friend, Yuji dies heroically in front of Megumi sacrificing himself so Megumi doesn’t have to call Mahoraga, and Geto dies as a villain after his plan has failed executed by Gojo. Even the days they die are opposites, Geto dies in a clear sky and Yuji dies in the rain.

They both eat curses. Geto eats them physically in order to store them and use them later. Yuji consumes Sukuna’s fingers in order to grow stronger. Geto’s Jujutsu is themed around his stomach, Sukuna’s is cooking themed.

Yuji and Geto are both have savior / martyr imagery attached to them. They’re both people who have died, and come back from the dead at least once, and the jesus imagery with Geto is clear and explicitly referenced in hidden inventory.

Yuji wants to be strong like Gojo, but it’s clear he follows Geto’s philosophy of wanting to save as many people as possible. What motivates him isn’t a clear and strong sense of individualism, but rather the idea that the strong are duty bound to help the weak. Even when Geto’s completely out of his mind he’s still guided by that principle, if he has the strength to do it, then he’s duty bound to try to change the world in the way he sees fit. The thing with Geto is his ideals are warped, but they’re still ideals, he has principles guiding him. These ideals also shockingly sound similiar to what Yuji says, and the burdens he wants to carry.

It’s something that doesn’t change about Geto from the start to the end of Hidden Invenotry, the strong are obligated to help the weak, it’s just Geto flipped. he sees the sorcerers as the weak and oppressed people, and the masses as the strong ones.

Geto and Yuji are both people heavily preoccupied with doing the right thing, whereas Gojo and Megumi kind of don’t care (Gojo) / have already accepted the fact (Megumi) that they’re not really saving people with their actions. Geto and Yuji are reckless saviors, they kind of just want to save everybody they see suffering in front of them immediately without thinking through the consequences of their actions. It’s never been seriously analyzed why Yuji feels so deadset on saving others, but from early on he seems to like the idea that it’s a burden that only he can take on himself. It’s something he must duty. The same way that Geto binds himself by the idea of duty.

Geto and Yuji are just people who will take the whole world on their shoulders, and this isn’t just a parallel I’m making it’s one directly made by the narrative. When worrying about Yuji’s future, Yaga thinks directly of Geto someone who became overwhelmed by everything on is shoulders.

Geto wasn’t able to carry on as he once did, because he couldn’t carry the regret with him. That’s the parallel that the story is making with Yuji, that’s the danger Yuji is in.

2. Worst Person You Know Makes a Good Point

Chapter 132 there’s a definite change in Yuji’s demeanor. While we haven’t seen the full results of his change yet, not only has he been phsically scarred on his face, but it’s clear the deaths of Nanami, the people killed by Sukuna, all have served to harden him. Nanami wanted Yuji to remain a child a little bit longer, but Yuji has now become a jujutsu sorcerer. However, the words he declares to Mahito have two clear connections to Geto. One, it’s what Geto said to Gojo to stop him from slaughtering the star plasma vessel cult in the moment.

Gojo has feelings of course, but he’s not moved by them the same way that Geto and Yuji are. Gojo was in need of a tether in that moment and Geto’s words became his tether. Remember Gojo became so powerful as the strongest one he felt like he was capable of anything without feeling it, even slaughtering people on mass, but in that moment Geto became the link that held him back and reminded him he was human.

What’s ironic is that Gojo was moved by Geto’s words and held himself back, whereas Geto wasn’t. It was Gojo who stuck to those words a year after the fact. He was the strongest, but he doesn’t ever act unless he carefully considers it. He doesn’t just throw power around or slaughter people the way that Geto does.

What Yuji is vowing to do right now, following his duty as a jujutsu sorcerer without even thinking about it, is exactly what drove Geto apeshit bananas (you see because he loves monkeys so much. It’s a, ‘yknow, it’s one of them jokes).

Yuji thinks he can just keep going on without thinking and being nothing more than a cog, but it’s exactly that kind of mechanical subservience that completely wore out Geto. Simply going through the motions without questioning it is given to us as the exact reason for Geto’s downfall, it’s one of the most chilling sequences in the manga.

People aren’t machines, and they aren’t gears, they break down when they try to conform that way. So while it’s understandable Yuji would want to push away all his thoughts in the moment, it’s also not healthy.

The reason Geto became the way he is, is because he realized the laws he was obeying weren’t as fair as he thought they were. He thought it was his duty, and obligation to help the masses, until he looked at his actions with closer scrutiny and realized that wasn’t really what motivated him. Geto thought what he was doing was good, that he would save people, but then Riko’s death was a reality check to him that no one was getting saved by the current system. Yuji seems to have done the opposite of Geto so far. Perhaps I won’t save people. Perhaps I’m just a cog in the machine and my actions truly don’t matter as long as I can keep fighting with my comrades as a jujutsu sorcerer. However, that’s probably not going to work for him.

Yuji’s current comfort in his moment of crisis is that he’s fighting together with all of his comrades, that he carries the wishes of people like Nanami and that’s why he has to keep going, but Yuji also might not have comrades in the jujutsu world after this. We already see people like Kusakabe beginning to turn against him because of Sukuna’s rampage in Shibuya.

So my intention in all of this is to say it’s not black and white. (Because, get it?? black wolf, white wolf??? Okay, I’m sorry I’ll shut up). Geto wasn’t an entirely bad person, there was good in him too. There was still good in him. This is what Getwo says when he’s beating on Yuji, that if Geto had used his forces more like disposable pawns instead of family telling them to fall back and making sure they all lived he would have won.

The worst person you know, was still a human being who loved his family with all of is heart. Ideas like this challenge Yuji’s simplified reasons for fighting, and his naive view of the world.

At the end of the day Yuji and Geto have lots of similarities. They’re opposite colors, Geto black, Yuji white, but they are both still wolves. They’re both moved by deep emotions they feel at the pit of their stomachs. They’re both people who sympathize with others and want to save them, and at the same time get angry and want to kill their enemies. None of this is bad about Yuji in fact it’s what makes him unique among shonen protagonist, he’s not a wholly good person, but just as flawed as anyone else in the story. Nobara’s crazy, Megumi’s crazy, Gojo’s crazy, and then there’s Yuji who should have been the normal one who grew up with a normal life and who is just as crazy as all the rest.

If anything the parallels between Yuji and Geto show that Yuji is someone who has the chance to grow stronger than Geto by learning from Geto’s fault. Geto tried to carry too much, until the burden of saving the world broke him and he decided he could only save a few people the rest were just monkeys. It’s up to Yuji now to figure out what saving people means, and how he can help others without getting destroyed by the sense of responsibility or just killing himself and dying before he’s helped a single person. However, for Yuji to learn to be better he actually has to think about these things.

That’s also the second parallel to the “I don’t need to think about it’ Scene. (Besides, Sukuna who also declares that he’ll kill for no reason.) In the original Geto fight in the prequel manga Yuta declares this. He doesn’t know whether Geto is right or not, he doesn’t know anything about the world of Jujutsu he just wants to protect his friends.

Geto calls him egotistical. In the sense that just like a child, he’s only really thinking about himself and his own emotions. Of course Yuta thinks that way because he is a child, a traumatized teenager at that. However, one important detail about this fight is defeating Geto did not cause him to go away. Killing him didn’t actually fix the problem. Geto just came back a year later with somebody else in his body.

I think this is all leading up to a point for Yuji where he gives some serious self examination as a protagonist. It’s not enough for Yuji to just defeat his enemies. We even see that when after is triumphant moment with Mahito, Geto just wipes the floor with him.

Jujutsu Kaisen presents a very complex world, that’s not just black and white, not just winning and losing. The next big step in Yuji’s character development is probably going to be realizing this. That he needs to seriously think about his reason. That he needs to think about what he wants to do in the future. It’s not enough for him to sacrifice his life to save someone else, he’s not a hero, or some martryr to a cause. I think the most important thing Yuji has to learn at the end of all of this is to actually live, and find out why he’s alive instead of resigning himself to the fact that he’ll get executed one day. It’s only then Yuji will be able to reach his full potential as both a jujutsu sorcerer and a person.

He’s just a kid you know? The theme of the manga is kids should get to be kids. Yuji should get to grow up just like everybody else, instead of dying before he’s even old because he ate Sukuna’s finger to help someone else.

#itadori yuji #yuji itadori #geto suguru #suguru geto #jjk meta #jujutsu kaisen meta #jujutsu kaisen theory #jujutsu kaisen analysis #jujutsu kaisen

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creepy-spooghetti · 4 years ago

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How are you doing? Damn girl I missed your stuff about Ben 🌞 I'd love it if you wrote some things about him. Literally anything, when you have time and interest for this.

I'm doing well! Thanks for the hug ^^ You never specified what you wanted so what you get below is what my delirious brain came up with at 11 o'clock at night - enjoy anyway though!! <3

Ben Drowned S\O Headcanons

Ben has a reputation in a lot of peoples' personal AUs as being a sex-driven, perverted little asshole. but lemme tell you now, this certainly is not the case with our favorite Link look-alike.

Whenever the subject of 'love' or 'sex' comes up, especially around you, his ears turn all red and his whole body just kind of stiffens up as he goes into silent mode.

If he does start talking, however, he'll end up stumbling over his words, his voice will go squeaky as if he's teleported back into the early stages of puberty, and his eyes will look at virtually anything but you out of pure embarrassment.

It really is adorable, you must say.

It's moments like these when you lay on the PDA really hard, and you'll kiss his head, or snuggle into his side, even verbally tease him a bit.

"Hey, Ben, ya know what we haven't done in a while? Napped together."

"Aww hun, what's the matter? You're lookin' a little red."

"Ya know, embarrassment looks pretty good on you~"

He like, loves it but despises it at the same time; it's his guilty pleasure, in some aspects.

He's one of those that like to put up a careless exterior, but when somebody says the right thing, he'll pretty much just turn into a ghostly sludge of utter humiliation.

All of this was ten times worse before the two of you became a couple.

Someone could just mention crushes or attraction and he'd be dead.

This "someone" was mostly Jeff on days he wanted to embarrass him. He still does, it just isn't as effective.

You know, the first time you and Ben actually did something as simple as holding hands for the first time, he morphed into a pile of jelly at the rapid beating of his heart and the butterflies in his stomach.

But he just loves you so damn much, the poor boy can't even help it.

Just being around you can be enough to make him blush.

As your relationship as a couple grew, so did his confidence, and now he's chill most times you actually opt to touch him in any way, shape, or form.

Well, on the outside, at least.

But on the inside? His mind is going into alert mode and his insides just feel like they're swirling from euphoria.

I mean, who would have thought that Ben would ever get someone as awesome as you?

Certainly not the other Pastas, since none of them ever thought of Ben as 'boyfriend material'.

Guess he really showed them up.

Okay but seriously though, this dude may not be the smoothest boyfriend out there, but he tries. And he's so freaking sweet.

He regularly rubs it in Jeff's face that he managed to get a girlfriend before him, even though Jeff is like four years older.

Jeff only grunts and mutters, "who needs girls anyway?"

Ben is definitely the kind of person that will 100% overdo it on Valentine's day.

He'll treat it more like Hannuka to be completely honest.

I mean, there's gonna be a present for every day of the month of February, even when Valentine's day has passed already.

Heart chocolates for day #1, your favorite cookie for day #2, a giant teddy bear for day #3, a very strangely worded poem that's supposed to sound romantic but ends up just sounding awkward (he wrote it himself!) for day #4, and so on.

It's so sweet yet totally pointless because what are you supposed to do with all this unedible stuff? You only have so much room for storage!

But it's the thought that counts.

He won't really expect anything but attention out the yin-yang for days on end in return, but if you do get him a gift, he will be all yours for roughly 14 to 24 hours.

This boy gets excited over the simplest things you do for him, he is a major simp, I think it's safe to say.

But it's in the best possible way!

If you're ever feeling insecure about your looks or otherwise, he will pull you in front of a mirror, make you stare at your reflection, and ask you what you see. If you respond with something negative he'll just shake his head.

"Ya know what I see? A beautiful girl with all these adorable little quirks that make her unique. Her smile's adorable, her eyes are like looking into nature's finest jewels, and her laugh is just the best sound in the world. What she sees as imperfections are just the things that add depth and make her so great. And I wouldn't have it any other way..."

It's so corny but surprisingly grown-up for Ben's immature self.

Still though, it makes you tear up and you just wanna cuddle him for an hour or two.

Of course, he's very open to that. Then again, he's almost always up for cuddles, so.

Overall just really loveable, selfless, and affectionate. For big snugglers that love fun-sized bois, Ben is perfect for you.

#ben drowned #creepypasta #slender manor #jeff the killer #benjamin jacobs #jeffery woods #headcanons #creepypasta headcanons #ben drowned headcanons #ben drowned x reader #creepypasta x reader headcanons #ben drowned x reader headcanons

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eleanore-delphinium · 4 years ago

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The Gift: Chapter 2 (Childhood Arc)

Chapter One

Chapter Two: (you are here)

Jean & Diluc

Diluc and Jean became acquainted with one another at the age of ten and eight respectively. Diluc was a rather bright and happy child growing up and Jean was quiet and reserved. It came to a surprise to a lot of people how the pair got along so well.

In fact, Diluc could be considered rather rambunctious and reckless and Jean was cautious and critical. And because of that, the others who didn’t question how they got along, understood why they did. They were what they considered opposites attract, Yin and Yang.

“Diluc! Wait up for me!” A ten-year old Jean complained as she climbed up a rock with difficulty. She looked up from climbing and a hand was outstretched in front of her. It came from a boy with red hair and red eyes—Diluc Ragnvindr, heir to the Dawn Winery. Her silver eyes glittered under the sun with a hint of blue as she felt blinded and surprised by the presence of the boy in front of her as the sun right behind him.

She took his hand and he pulled her up. The wind blew her blonde hair around.

“Look, I told you that there were knights fighting some hilichurls!” The twelve-year-old Diluc said proudly. He had dragged Jean out so that they could look at some knights in action.

“I’m going to be one of them, Jean. And I will defend Mondstadt with everything I got!” His claymore faded behind him in gold dust, in her eyes it made him look like he was shining as he said those words. Her grey-blue eyes silently look at the claymore floating behind his back as it reappeared in gold dust again.

“You have been training hard.” She couldn’t help but remark, as it was after all the truth. He had been training very hard at swordsmanship at the age of eight, despite it being a skill he didn’t necessarily need. And when he got his vision at the age of ten, it was like the world was fully his, at least that was what he told Jean. But it was different for her, she had trained her posture and strikes with wooden swords since she was five and slowly changed into different kinds of swords as she grew and improved. Recently she had started using an actual sharp metal sword fitted for her. In her case, learning swordsmanship was a necessity.

Jean is known to be the more responsible one between the two, it was a fact that Diluc had set his heart out to being a Knight of Favonius. And Jean wasn’t quite sure about her future, but it was already decided for her, as a Gunnhildr it is natural to be a Knight of Favonius.

She had just recently decided to take up the sword and try to follow her mother’s desires with a passion that should compete with Diluc, but she didn’t even know what her objective was after mastering the short sword. If it was something she even wanted to do.

“Don’t worry Jean, you’re going to be a great swordsman. I know it.” Diluc said, feeling that Jean was slightly upset. She looked at him with pressed lips, he has always known what he wanted to become.

“Says the heir to the Dawn Winery.” She mumbled, and he bumped onto her shoulder playfully.

“That is my Father’s legacy. Of course, I will keep that alive, but I also need to chase my own dreams.” He replied smoothly, she felt as though it must have been something he had known for a long time.

She was envious of that certainty.

Diluc pulled her to hide behind a small bump on the ground. She quietly observed the Knights of Favonius by Diluc’s side and she was rather impressed with their fighting skills. She could only hope to be at that level soon. Jean looked at Diluc and she knew that the boy beside her would surpass the knights fighting right now.

“We should probably go.” Jean urged gently and Diluc looked at her with a slightly stern gaze.

“We just got here, Jean.” He responded quietly.

“But—” Jean said but was cut off.

“Don’t worry, if anything happens, I can protect you!” Diluc said confidently and in all honesty, Jean knew he could, he was rather capable for a twelve-year-old, but her innate nature wouldn’t allow it or perhaps it was her training.

“Diluc—” She tried again.

“They are over here!” A man called out pointing to the kids, and Diluc automatically grabbed Jean’s hand and ran away from the man.

“I can’t believe they found us.” Diluc said as he ran holding her hand firmly, Jean who was forced to follow him wanted to pull her hand away.

“Diluc, I think we should go back.” Jean tried to urge Diluc again.

“No, we just got out! Aren’t you tired of always studying?” He grabbed her and hid behind a tree as he silently observed if they were followed, and they saw no one behind them.

“C’mon, I think we can go to the Winery.” Diluc took a step forward but Jean remained planted on where she stood.

“That’s pretty far, Diluc.” Jean mumbled faintly.

“We’ve gone there many times before.” Diluc replied, keeping an eye for any movement around them.

“With permission.” She quietly added. “This time I ran away from training, you do realize that I will have to make-up for what happened today, some other day.”

“You’re just ten—they are overworking you.” He said sternly and she avoided his red eyes. Diluc was virtually perfect, he could be very good at something new and master it just as easily. And since he has a fiery passion for his claymore and combat, it was natural that he would more than just excel at it. He was at a level no one should be at—at the age of twelve, especially since he started late in training compared to her.

But the same thing could be said about Jean, she knew more than what a ten-year-old should know. But that was a result of the kind of upbringing she had. The sheer effort that she had to always display and give to please her mother, as the next heir of the Gunnhildr clan. And yet, she knew very clearly how Diluc had tried his very best to offer her a glimpse of a normal childhood.

Jean in a sense, aspired to be him in so many ways.

She was very much inspired by his capability. And his passion for justice. And his freedom.

“Alright.” She agreed quietly, even though in her head she disagreed completely. She will have to pay the price of what they are doing today, she knew it well. But looking at Diluc’s clear eyes, she couldn’t help but sigh in hushed tranquility. Diluc was always admirable.

And they carefully made their way to the Dawn Winery while Diluc kept an eye out for anyone following them. They arrived unfollowed, but they realized someone was at his villa’s front yard, Diluc’s father—Crepus was arguing with a blonde-haired woman, the same shade as Jean’s hair. Jean recognized the back of the woman before the woman’s voice could even register in Jean’s head.

Crepus' eyes glanced behind the woman, who had seen his eyes shift and turned around to see Jean and Diluc. The moment she finished her turn, Diluc automatically stood in front of Jean with a glare directed at the older woman.

“Diluc, you have been causing trouble.” Crepus said with crossed arms, but his eyes held the smallest hint of delight at his son’s antics.

“They are overworking Jean!” Diluc argued back with a stronger glare directed at the older woman.

“That is none of your business, kid.” The woman replied.

“She is just a kid; she should be playing around!” Diluc yelled and received a cold glare from the woman. It was cold enough to make him flinch.

“She is not just a kid; she will be the future leader of the Gunnhildr clan.” She said as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“Frederica,” Crepus called out to the woman in front of him and she tilted her head a bit to the right acknowledging him. “She should still be able to play around like a normal child.” There was a silence that passed by them.

“Jean, what do you think?” Her cold blue eyes landed on the girl behind Diluc who remained quiet in the presence of her mother.

“I do not dare to question my mother's upbringing. I am raised to be well equipped as the future leader of our clan.” Hearing Jean’s reply, Diluc could not help but clench his fists.

It is true that when Diluc was ten he had received his vision, and worked hard to do justice to it. He chose to not play around with children his age because he wanted to master his craft and join the Knights of Favonius even more now that he had a vision. But that was not the case for Jean and he was so aware of his privilege.

“Jean.” Diluc turned to look at her but her expression was steely as she stared back at him.

“When I went out with you today, I knew this would happen. It is inevitable. I thank you for the company Diluc, but sadly I will have to go now.” Jean gently touched Diluc’s shoulder whose face showed his guilt. “Do not feel bad, I wanted to join you.” She gave a faint smile. It was the truth that she wanted to go with him when he arrived under her windowsill earlier that day, even though she knew that there would be consequences that would follow.

“Mother, I apologize for my actions.” Jean stepped out from behind Diluc and approached her mother. “I will take responsibility for my actions.”

“Good, as it should be as the future head of the family.” Frederica said the cold stare from her blue eyes made Jean think her mother’s gaze was certainly made of ice.

“Jean, I—” Jean turned to look at Diluc and the sadness in her face made him pause.

“Till next time then.” Jean feigned a smile and did not wait for a reply from Diluc as she turned to look at her mother. “I am ready, mother.”

“Crepus.” Frederica said with a pointed look towards Crepus and a raised brow. “I would advise you to correct your son’s behavior, but I doubt you would.”

Crepus did not take Frederica’s words as offensive, instead he smiled and nodded to her pretending to take it into consideration. Frederica knew that he was just nodding out of politeness.

Jean followed behind her mother as the two went their way. Diluc’s gaze followed Jean until she was out of his sight and he thought that she looked so forlorn. But she never glanced back at him before she completely disappeared from his sight.

“I hope you had fun.” Crepus couldn’t help but say and Diluc finally turned his head to look at his father who appeared sad.

“I did… but-“ He looked back at the general direction of where he had last seen the mother and daughter pair. “Will she be in big trouble?” He added quietly.

“Frederica wouldn’t give her daughter a hard time, I’m sure of it.” Crepus replied but Diluc looked at his father with pressed lips. He knew his father was lying to comfort him, but Diluc nodded and slowly walked into the mansion with unhurried steps.

“Brother!” A blue haired boy called out to Diluc from atop the staircase, Diluc smiled when his eyes met the other boy’s periwinkle eyes.

“Kaeya.” Diluc said and his distress from what happened outside was completely forgotten after seeing his brother. He quickly walked up the stairs and Kaeya’s eyes widened with delight.

“Father, I will accept any punishment you decide to give me due to my actions!” Diluc said as he ran to his younger brother halfway through the stairs.

Kaeya was a year younger than Diluc and he was adopted over a year ago due to certain circumstances. Kaeya used to be such a cold child, but with great effort, Diluc and Kaeya became close and Kaeya came to look up to his older brother Diluc with much love and respect.

When Diluc reached the top of the stairs Kaeya pulled his brother towards the library door. Diluc chuckled as he watched this playful child attempt to drag him away. He wasn’t always like this, it brought Diluc happiness seeing how joyful and playful Kaeya has become.

“Don’t think I don’t know what you two were up to!” Crepus replied as he watched his two sons with much love in his eyes.

“Kaeya, you seem way too excited.” Crepus laughed looking at his two sons, even though he is pleased in knowing how cheerful the blue haired boy has become after what has happened to him. Although he has to admit that he was very surprised to see that Kaeya developed a great respect for Diluc.

“This is for us boys only!” Kaeya yelled back to his father as he pushed Diluc into the library and shut the door behind him with a bang.

Crepus did not think that the slamming of the door was disrespectful, he knew that Kaeya was merely too excited and Crepus laughed wondering what the two boys could possibly be talking about.

“So, did you see her?” Kaeya asked instantly as he held his brother’s shoulder and Diluc laughed at his reaction.

“Yes, I did.” Diluc replied and his younger brother looked at him as he waited for more to be said. The joy in Diluc’s face slowly faded as he sighed and turned around.

“Based on your reaction, something bad happened?” Kaeya said as he followed behind Diluc who sat on a chair with another sigh.

“Her mother came here to pick her up.” Diluc said in an exasperated tone.

“Ah, that was what that was.” Kaeya mumbled as a frown formed on his lips. “So, you weren’t able to show her?” Kaeya sounded quite upset.

“Why do you sound more upset than me?” Diluc playfully retorted as he crossed his arms over his stomach.

“I went through all that trouble to distract our father.” Kaeya glared at his brother as he crossed his arms over his chest. “You weren’t even able to show her what this was all for. Jean’s mother is too much!”

Diluc stared at his brother who was obviously fuming in anger and laughed.

“It is alright, there are still more chances to see her.” Diluc looked at Kaeya, whose anger was slowly dissipating.

“Have you done your training for today?” Diluc inquired and Kaeya shook his head.

“Then, get your sword and let’s go out and train.” Diluc then stood up. “I will go and inform father.”

“Alright.” Kaeya replied as Diluc walked out. “I will follow in a bit.” Kaeya took a peek from the window and noticed the pair of blondes climbing onto a carriage with the Gunnhildr crest.

But on that day Diluc was gravely mistaken, he had thought he would see Jean again, unfortunately it would take three months to be able to see each other again. He had attempted to see her, but the security and Frederica would not let him through. He did not expect that she would go this far because he had forced Jean to ditch her lessons for a few hours.

Diluc’s mood had soured when he realized in the third week that Jean’s mother would drag this out. She might even use this opportunity to cut off ties. He was quite angry.

“Diluc,” Kaeya got no response. “Brother?” Kaeya called out a little louder in worry as he saw his brother’s expression turn dark.

“Brother!” Kaeya shook Diluc and the latter stared at his brother and sighed.

“I’m sorry I’m making you worry.” Diluc said, resting a hand on Kaeya’s shoulder.

“The Winery hasn’t hosted a party in a while. Your birthday is coming up.” Kaeya said matter-of-factly and Diluc raised a brow at Kaeya, catching on to what he was implying. “And a festival in Monstadt will soon follow, I’m sure something could be arranged.” A warm smile appeared on the red boy’s face.

“Yes. You are right.” Diluc agreed, recalling a memory from two years ago.

“A Party.” Diluc said and Kaeya couldn’t help but be charmed by his brother’s smile. One day, he too would have such charisma.

CHAPTER THREE

#genshin impact #otp #jealuc #jean x diluc #diluc ragnvindr #jean gunnhildr #romance #fanfiction #crepus ragnvindr #frederica gunnhildr #kaeya alberich #childhood #the gift #eleanore delphinium

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milkshakecaptain · 4 years ago

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There are certain interesting similarities I found between IchiRuki and Yhwach x Haschwalth relationships. Firstly, IchiRuki is known as a destined couple, they were bound by fate since their first meeting. Kubo literally named the first and last chapters Death and Strawberry. Bleach started because of their destined meeting, without it there would have been no series. Yhwach also implied that he had been looking for Haschwalth for a long time and their meeting was destined to happen. They have a very strong fated lovers connection like IchiRuki.

The more Ichigo and Rukia interacted, the more symbolism and basis for their ship we got. Kubo further confirmed their bond with symbolic poems about the Black Sun and the White Moon. Ichigo was called ‘the sun who locks heaven’ and Rukia ‘the moon that erases the night.’ Haschwalth also can be called a moon to Yhwach’s sun in a way he always accompanies Yhwach and never leaves his side. Yhwach wields the Almighty at day and Haschwalth at night, just like the sun and the moon.

Then we got the famous poem stating that ‘The rain drags Black Sun down but the rain dried by White Moon.’ It can only be interpreted as Rukia stopping the rain over Ichigo’s soul. Rukia was the only person who could help Ichigo to get out of his depression when his inner Hollow started to take over. Yhwach also helped Haschwalth by granting him powers and basically saved him in the past. It can be said that Yhwach stopped the rain over Haschwalth’s soul too. Both Yhwach and Rukia were saviors for their respective significant others. And in return Haschwalth and Ichigo wanted to protect their partners with all their might and became their protectors.

There is more symbolism to those poems. Black and white colors symbolize Yin/Yang dynamics and Kubo is of course aware of it. It means IchiRuki are two halves of one whole who complete each other and can’t exist without each other. The Yin/Yang symbolism is very strong between Yhwach and Haschwalth too. Yhwach literally called Haschwalth his other half, Haschwalth’s power completed his own and he even received Yhwach’s Almighty schrift at night. Again, it’s not only about powers. Haschwalth is the only person in Wandenreich whom Yhwach trusted so much to give his own powers. This shows that their bond is extremely strong if Yhwach allowed that.

Ichigo and Rukia share a spiritual bond which was obvious since the moment Rukia awakened his powers with her own reiatsu, and saved his life by doing it. It is important to mention that when Rukia pierced Ichigo with her zanpakuto she basically gave him a part of her soul, not just reiatsu, because zanpakuto is manifestation of Shinigami’s soul. And by doing it she grated him the power to fulfill his wish to protect his family. This level of bonding can’t be surpassed. And that’s when the most obvious similarity to Yhwach and Haschwalth relationship comes to mind. Yhwach also granted Haschwalth his power by giving a part of his soul and schrift B. It’s known that when he does so he also fulfills a wish for Quincy, by giving his soul something it lacked. Very strong coincidence I think.

It is said that Yhwach strengthened his technique to give letters for his Quincy, granting them more power this way. There is a strong possibility that Yhwach perfected his soul-sharing technique specifically for Haschwalth, because the latter lacked Quincy power altogether. So he needed Yhwach’s soul the most. Manga page which tells that Yhwach found new way of soul-sharing shows letter B. It can serve as a proof that this technique was invented especially for Haschwalth's sake.

Rukia changed Ichigo’s life forever, just like Yhwach changed Haschwalth’s life for the better. For both of these couples it was much more than just giving a power. With those powers Rukia and Yhwach gave them a new goal in life and became the most important persons for both of them respectively.

Rukia also opened a new world for Ichigo by granting him Shinigami powers and being his motive to engage into Soul Society conflict. Rukia was Ichigo’s reason to act and to become the Shinigami. And later Ichigo changed her world just like she changed his before, by fighting for her against the whole Gotei and pushing them to change their laws so Rukia can be free. Just like Rukia was a catalyst for Ichigo to start a new life as a Shinigami, Yhwach brought Haschwalth to Wandenreich and gave his life a new meaning. He was a catalyst for Haschwalth’s powers and the whole character development, just like Rukia for Ichigo. And Haschwalth served Yhwach in return, always being by his side.

There are two additional chapters 205.1 Side-A The Sand and 205.2 Side-B The Rotator, which have poems for Ichigo and Rukia accordingly. There are some parallels with Yhwach and Haschwalth in these poems too, not to mention obvious parallels with letters in the titles. In chapter 677 Yhwach the A compared endless possible futures that he can see to the grains of sand. In his poem Ichigo says that he needs power to crush destiny and to protect spirits. Yhwach also wants more power and constantly replenishes it, because he wants to change destiny which was so cruel and unfair to his Quincies. And Haschwalth the B can be compared to rotator since the sand was also depicted on his scales in the omake after chapter 680. That means Haschwalth also controls the sand of peoples' destiny with his Balance power.

IchiRuki got much more screentime interactions to show their romantic implications and dynamics. But the moments when Yhwach and Haschwalth were shown together also implied that they have special relationship and strong ties. Haschwalth was the only person who could talk freely with Yhwach and give him advices. He was also worried for Yhwach very much during the battles and was loyal even when other Stern Ritters started to have doubts. Sure Yhwach and Haschwalth got less attention, but the chemistry between them was notable. Their trust in each other is as solid as in case of IchiRuki.

Both couples were done dirty by Kubo in the end. He forced them to act out of character. But before Kubo ruined the ending, strong bonds and many relationship proofs were obvious for both couples. Kubo's bad writing can't change their love.

#ichiruki #yhwach x haschwalth #jugram haschwalth #yhwach #ichigo kurosaki #rukia kuchiki

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flightfoot · 3 years ago

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Alix is canon aro so she for sure won’t end up with someone, but Max is ace. He’s never shown interest in romance outside of, like, Kim’s life, but I think it’s interesting that Astruc made the distinction instead of saying he’s aroace. I wonder if he’ll end up with someone, whether it’s a current character or someone we haven’t met yet. I can see fans in the future looking back at the fan content we have now and being like, wow, remember what Max content looked like before WhoeverxMax became canon?

It’s heavily implied that Chlobrina was kind of a thing. In Oblivio, Sabrina says she and Chloe play Super Penguino together, and Chloe tells her to shut up. In Miraculer they had that whole compilation that ends in them cuddling and napping on the couch. Between that and Sabrina’s little moment with Delmar from New York I feel like she will end up with someone by the end of the series.

A lot of people ship Luka and Zoe because they have similar vibes, which makes sense, but as of right now they barely had any interaction. Astruc said something about them not becoming a thing, but idk if he was talking about only s4 or the whole existing script. There’s also Lukagami because of their personalities and the whole yin yang thing that caused them to not work out with Adrienette.

Anyways, disregarding canon, my pair the spares agenda is LukaxMax and KagamixZoe for reasons I am totally willing to elaborate on. But since this is a fairy tale romance show, I imagine almost every good guy who wants to be in a relationship will have one by the end, and we haven’t had a new canon couple in over two seasons.

I mean, there's very little Max content to begin with XD. Mostly he's shipped with Kim.

Yeah, I'd say Chlobrina has some legs. I don't really want it to be, with the dynamic between the two of them, though.

Luka X Zoe makes sense to me, they're both pretty chill, I think they'd get along well!

...Okay I'm curious where you got Luka X Max and Kagami X Zoe from, I've seen a LOT of ML fanfiction, and I don't think I've ever seen either of those.

#ask #miraculous ladybug

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darkdevasofdestruction · 4 years ago

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Take My Hand ~ Lucifer x Reader

For so many, even those who know him, Lucifer is an enigmatic riddle that will never be solved. A question with no answer. A blank, white puzzle. He keeps his stoic facade at all times, overworks himself on anything Diavolo gives him, and if he runs out of work, he finds more, from somewhere that nobody, even the young Prince, has no idea.

He’s always so strict and proper, dresses royal and there is seemingly no imperfection to him. Hell, even Asmo, the most narcissistic brother, is not-so-secretly jealous of his beauty and dominant and mysterious aura that engulfs him, that makes him even more enticing than one could think.

So what is the mysterious of this overly strict Fallen, the one that God loved the most, the one that led the Rebellion of the Celestial War aeons ago, actually hiding? What emotions is he so desperately trying to hide behind those sharp, ruby eyes of him that read into you like infrared?

What kind of fragility is trying to hide being that frozen block that became his heart that aches and burns harder than the Sun itself?

Perhaps that is something that only someone with a fresh perspective shall witness, someone who walks around like a ghost, unnoticeable, yet her eyes are wide and attentive, that can peer right into the depths of anyone’s soul.

They are complete opposites, and yet, they are more alike than anyone could even begin to realise - That is, if they are so adamant to be ignorant, as they’ve always been.

Apart from Solomon, not one, but two other humans were brought into Devildom, and that is because fate made it so that Lucifer chose a girl that had a sister.

A twin sister.

So of course, you cannot separate twins, so Diavolo was okay with bringing both of them, thinking it would be reminiscent of the 6th and 7th brothers, especially for their personalities are like light and day, like the Sun and the Moon, both of them beautiful, yet completely different.

And that was quickly made obvious once they arrived, for the brothers quickly swamped all over the younger sister, since she was a lovable, social butterfly, an extroverted free soul who loves to fool around and bend the rules to breaking point.

The older sister, however, was an introvert of few words, yet all of them were meaningful. She was incredibly diligent and hard-working, studying since the first day in RAD, she was much too busy to even bother going out of her way to break the rules, and had to do everything in her power to get her sister out of trouble, including doing her homework, to avoid detention.

The eldest brother, the most attentive, was quick to realise that all the brothers were attracted to the sunshine like moths to the fire that they didn’t even bother approaching the zircon wrapped in a velvet handkerchief.

He was, however, completely drawn to her...Or maybe it was the mystery surrounding her that he was interested in? He read once, in a human book, that the most intriguing is the journey, not the destination, yet he couldn’t help but wonder if it was similar to going to one’s soul.

Y/N’s soul was pure, it was bright, it was beautiful and tempting, which went in complete anti-thesis with the facade she pulled for everyone - And just like twins are, like Yin and Yang, she was truly the complete opposite of her bright sister that held a dark soul.

But days began to rapidly pass by, and with each day, countless of problematic events happened, that made Lucifer, and not only him, pissed off beyond belief, at the younger sister, and the older one was forced to bare the consequences and solve the problem..

These continuous occurrences started eroding her soul, bit by bit, darkening it, overshadowing her light, and it was beginning to concern the raven haired man, for, in the end, it was still his job to make sure the humans are okay and comfortable in Diavolo’s Kingdom.

Exams were coming along, and Lucifer could see Y/N was beginning to become much paler and less talkative. He didn’t see her as often outside of the classroom, and even to meals that they would always share together...And he began to worry.

He knows very well that humans are very frail, weak and sensitive creatures, that constantly needed to be taken care of, and he knew very well that she wouldn’t have much until she’d collapse.

“Does anyone have a pen, please? All of mine have been completely used up, and I need to urgently finish an assignment.”

Speak of the devil, Lucifer thought, as his D.D.D.’s notification sound popped on his study desk, where he, himself, was also working on his own assignments, and he chuckled at the coincidence, and pondered over if he should tease her a bit, to provoke her, or not.

Something that Lucifer always loved was to push someone’s boundaries...Not some pushover like Mammon, clearly, but strong, dominating people, much like Satan, much like himself. He wanted to see how far can he push someone until they get angry, until they lose their composure, until they show their true face, until their facade crumbles, and they are no longer the self they show to everyone.

It’s satisfying seeing others step on their pride...

Since he would never do that, clearly. He isn’t the Avatar of Pride for nothing.

Asmo: Nope! I only have my personalised, engraved pen, and I can’t give it to everyone! Beel: Sorry, I accidentally ate all my pens while trying to write my homework. Belphie is sleeping. Levi: I don’t have pens, I write everything on my laptop. Satan: I always misplace mine. I only have the one I keep in my notebook. Mammon: Lol, you’re doing homework? Hah, what a dork! Sorry, I ain’t using Goldie to buy pens! Why not ask your sister? Anyka: You bought 10 pens barely 2 weeks ago, how the hell did you even finish them? Y/N: I have a lot to do. Do you have any spare pens? Anyka: Lol nope x Ask Lucifer or idk Barbatos??

The opportunity is shining, so...Should he start provoking her? Or would that break her even more? This should certainly be interesting... And if anything happens, he always knows when to put a stop to this charade. “I have a spare fountain pen, if it would do.” he sent her a DM, waiting for an answer. “Perfect. Are you in your study, or your bedroom?” she sent an immediate answer, which made him smirk. “Study. If you beg me nicely, I can also give you the ink for it.” he was playing with fire, and damn, was it exhilarating. “You...Want me to...Beg? For a pen and ink? To do my assignments? I don’t think Diavolo would be pleased to hear that.” she typed after an obvious few moments of hesitation. “Sometimes compromises must be made in order to achieve your goal. You are aware, I am sure, that if you do not finish your homework for tomorrow, you will receive detention.” this was getting very interesting, and he couldn’t wait to see what her next step would be. “Fine. I will ask Barbatos then. Thanks for the offer. Have a pleasant night.” she cut him off with clear acid in her words, which made Lucifer chuckle in satisfaction.

She was though, and entertaining. What an adorable little lamb.

And it was true, she asked Barbatos, who told her that he couldn’t go over to the House of Lamentation, for he has to take care of Diavolo, and he refused to allow her to leave the dorms without someone by her side to make sure no stray demon attacks her.

That was a true bummer.

So...She had to step on her pride to get a stupid pen to finish her assignments. It wasn’t even homework, but she still had hours of work she had to do. It was barely midnight, she couldn’t even attempt to go sleep now.

Going to sleep means obvious overthinking, which means lack of sleep, so better be productive and work, then destroy yourself more than you already are, doing nothing, while staring and cursing the ceiling.

Y/N sighed, breaking the pen in two out of anger, and wobbly got out of her study chair, making a bee line to Lucifer’s study and knocking on the door, waiting to hear the approval word to enter the room. She barely opened the door, walking in front of the seated form of Lucifer, who held his spare fountain pen almost mockingly in front of her.

He was watching her like a hawk, every movement analysed as if under a microscope, almost as if he was carefully searching for any flaw or mistake she would make. However, he could see she wasn’t well. She was sleep deprived, her complexion was much paler than normal, she had dark bags under her eyes...And her posture was slouched, almost sloppy. Lucifer knew she has always been a diligent person, so the homework couldn’t possibly be long overdue. She would have done it in the day it was given. So...What was the urgency? Could it be that...She was...Just like him?

“I’m not sure how I’m supposed to beg for a pen, but, Lucifer, may I please borrow your pen? I promise to return it to you tomorrow, buy a new ink, to your preference, as soon as classes are over and I can go to proper shopping.” her voice was tired, just like her mind and body. She held no emotions in her words. It was almost as if she was intentionally damaging herself to make up for-

Oh.

Perhaps she wasn’t as different from him as he thought she was, and now, at least, he can better understand why she was deteriorating as fast as she was.

“You can keep it, I don’t mind. However, as the head of the student council, and the one who has to overlook this exchange program, I would have to advise you to take better care of yourself and rest, instead of overworking yourself.” Lucifer told her, with a less condescending voice, only to receive a sarcastic scoff, which confused him. “Tell me that when you’re going to follow your own advice.” and she left.

A chuckle escaped his mouth as soon as the door was closed, and for the first time in ages, he actually went to bed early...For his standards. He had to be very attentive of this one, however...She was much more interesting than he believed.

And the first thing he saw in the morning, as he stepped in the classroom, he saw Y/N handing a file to her sister - A file with all the homework for the whole week, that is - And now he could understand why she was overworked. She was going about life in all the wrong ways...Not that he should be one to talk. He knows his own faults, but admitting them to another is a complete different matter.

But things were going to take a horrid turn for the worst, beginning with Diavolo calling everyone for the Student Council meeting, only to announce that the exchange students were going to have a lowered pass/fail line anymore, but will have to work and achieve the demons’ standards and rise to the challenge given.

“If you’re going to control a demon’s powers, you need to have a proper understanding of them and how they should be used.” Diavolo said, which made him realise that the twins, somehow, managed to make pacts with all of the brothers...All of them, sans one. That one being himself, of course. “Hey, whoa, that’s a bit sudden, don’t you think? Exams are just around the corner!” Anyka protested, obviously shocked. “RAD exams are surprisingly tough.” Belphie nodded in agreement. “I’m sure both of you are going to do great, especially if you’ve studied a little bit throughout the semester.” Diavolo smiled, as usual, and the older twin mimicked no emotion on her face. “But...! But I haven’t! I had fun with the brothers all this time...What am I gonna do?! Y/N, say something!” the younger twin shook her sister, waking her up from her trance. “Hmm...? What should I say? He’s right.” she shrugged, not bothering to look at anyone. “I’ve already considered that, and I have a plan. Satan, you are going to be tutoring Y/N and Anyka up until the day of exams.” Lucifer dumped the responsibility on the blond brother, who was barely able to say anything from the shock of being put on the spot. “Oh, that’s perfect! Thank you soooo much, Satan! You’re the best!” Anyka jumped on the 4th born, who chuckled awkwardly. “Thanks, but I can do this by myself. If this was all, then I’m going to see you during the exams. Bye.” she gave a brief peace sign, before leaving to her room, no doubt continuing her studying.

Obviously, Lucifer knew she had it in the bag if she focused. She’s a smart girl, she won’t have any problem...If she stays healthy, that is. There was something about her that made him want to approach her, to hold her face, to look her in the eyes and tell her to stop doing this to herself. There was something about her innocence and heart that made him want to protect her at all cost, even if that meant protecting her from herself. He pondered offering to tutor her, but what could he even tutor her about, when she clearly knows everything there needs to be learnt about the exams?

He wanted to kiss her hands and reassure her that everything will be okay, and he wanted to hold her tight and help her fall asleep without having running thoughts through her head all the time.

But he can’t do that, can he? If he were to approach her, she’d run away, like a scared little baby fawn trying to find her mama, while being chased off by a hunter. He had to be gentle with her, delicate, to lure her into a sense of security and safety...A warm haven by his side...

But can he really manage to do that, when he’s supposed to be the Big Bad Scary Wolf who punishes everyone and doesn’t allow happiness in the dorms, as per so gracefully described by his lovely brothers?

The first day of the exams came much faster than Y/N realised - She had no idea how time flew by so fast, it felt like she just blinked and bam, exam days - So here she was, drinking her 3rd coffee for the morning while writing her answers for the exam.

Caladrius Blood was the third ingredient for that famous ancient elixir that required Powdered unicorn hood and bittergrass root, for the Magical Potions exam from that morning...

A forest, what covered the surface of Devildom shortly after it came into existence, the answer for the History exam from the afternoon...And a three-legged crow being the relief sculpture at the entrance to the Devildom royal tomb...

Yes, these were all incredibly easy questions, she had no problem, clearly. And that was the same for the 2nd day, with the hexes and curses... And then came the practical exam...Seductive Speechcraft test.

She looked around the classroom with a frown, knowing she had to pair up with someone, but all the brothers were crowding around her sister, and she could only sigh, looking down with her arms crossed, not knowing what to do.

“Would you like to pair up with me, Y/N?” Lucifer’s voice rang soothingly in her ear, making her turn around, her eyebrow raised in confusion. “You...Want to pair up...With me?” she asked in a slow, unsure voice, which made him smile and nod. “Yes, is something wrong with that?” he bent down slightly, getting closer to her face. “No, of course not. I was just...Surprised that anyone wanted to pair up with me. Anyway, we should get started.” she nodded, looking away from him and guiding him to a more secluded part of the classroom. “You have to be the one doing the seducing. I am really curious how you are going to proceed. Could you, perhaps, be...Scared?” with his infamous smirk, he looked smugly at how her otherwise unfaltering facade began to break slightly. “No...It’s just...If I knew I was going to be the one doing the seducing, I would have put on some make up this morning, so I wouldn’t look like I just woke up from death after being buried for 100 years...No, make that 1000 years.” she corrected herself after taking a quick look at her reflection on her D.D.D. “I can assure you, your appearance, for us, demons, won’t change a thing. It’s the words and gestures that matter.” he let out a soft chuckle, watching her nod in acknowledgement. “Okay, if you say so, then I will have to believe you. Can you promise me that you won’t attempt to kill me...Again...No matter what I say or do? Trust me, I want top grades, and I’m going to do anything in my power to snatch them.” her voice now was much firmer, and it sounded clearer, more confident. It was clear that her pride and ambition were on the line, and he wanted to see how she was going to seduce him. He could feel electricity running through his veins from the excitement. “Yes, of course. I won’t do anything to you. In fact, I will be the human, and you will be the demon. You have all the power now. Amaze me, Y/N.” he watched her turn to the side slightly, as if preparing her A-Game face - He was expecting her to try out an impersonation of a succubus, since they were plenty in Devildom, but what she did...Was beyond Lucifer’s power of comprehension.

Her eyes held a glimmer of innocence and pity, her soul somehow seemed to glow with purity and light, just like it was when she first arrived. Her demeanour wasn’t assertive, confident and mysterious, but held a tint of submissiveness and glowing affection, as if she wanted to touch him, but she was too afraid to approach a deity.

He thought that, as he gazed with interest at the girl in front of him, only to be shocked completely by how sweetly alluring her voice could sound, and he almost felt the need to have her cup his face so he could melt into her warm, soothing caress.

“Lucifer...Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? Have you noticed how your health is starting to decline? I know you are a demon, and a few hours cut off your usual sleeping schedule won’t mean much for you, but you are exhausted, Lucifer. I hate seeing you like that...Overworking yourself...Finding more work to get piled under, even if you’ve already finished your assignments. I worry about you, and your health...But more...I worry about the reasons for your overworking. I know you’re trying so hard to keep away all the intrusive thoughts that keep plaguing your mind...You think that working to exhaustion is going to keep your mind busy, so you’ll sleep without having to overthink.” hearing those words, Lucifer truly wondered if she had veela or succubus genes in her family, or if her tongue was laced with the sweetest poison there is. She slowly approach him, gingerly holding both of his hands, looking down, imitating a timid kitten, and guiding him to the nearest chair behind him, so she could be at his height...Just a little above, creating the perfect angle to change from a submissive expression, to a more dominating, seductive gaze.

“You’re always so concerned about your brothers, wanting to make sure everything goes perfectly, to the plans that you create, because if things go out of control, you are afraid they will have to suffer...Just like it happened when you led the Rebellion. You still feel guilty for what happened. You are afraid that they regret following you...And so, you are purposely hurting yourself...And this self-inflicted pain became your own sense of comfort and defense. You are afraid that, if somehow, you indulge in your pleasure and the pain disappears, things are going to go out of control completely. You are afraid of the unknown and what it could bring...But trust me, Lucifer...I promise you...They love you. They love you, just as much as you love them. They don’t regret following you. You are a family, and they are happy and content staying together, all 7 of you, together. You deserve to be happy too, Lucifer. You deserve to allow yourself a day off from all this mess, and indulge in your pleasures.” she was so close to him, whispering in his ear, then crouching down, holding his hands, keeping them together and kissing them softly, sending shivers down his spine...But more, he froze completely on the spot. He was shocked...His mind was almost completely blank...Because...How could she possibly know all of this? How can she speak like that? She’s just a human...So...How...? Surely, his brothers had no idea, so how could she, a mere human who came by less than an year ago, understand and know him so well? His heart was beating fast, and it was in pain. It was expecting...It was conflicting everything he ever stood for. A day off? A day for himself? A day of self-care? A day...With her...?

“Won’t you allow me to take away the pain, just for the night? Allow yourself to feel something else other than pain and misery. Allow yourself to be happy. To feel emotional pleasure. Allow yourself to be yourself again, only for a night, because Lucifer, you are not a robot, or a machine, you are not programmed, wired, or running or petrol or gasoline. You have a beautiful heart that feels so much, but you are afraid of the myriad of unknown emotions that are desperately trying to burst out and scream at you to let loose...Because you can. You showed me that you are capable of letting loose, when we were stuck in Levi’s game. Do you remember, Lucifer? We were up on the roof, you had your hair in my lap, and I stroked it gently...You were smiling so beautifully...So carefree...Because you had no worries on your mind or heart. You were yourself. And you were happy.” she put her forehead to his, speaking softly, barely above a whisper, but despite her tone, her words spoke loudly, strongly, into his heart, making it pump faster and faster, energy shooting through his every nerve, vein, artery and capillary...His mind was completely captivated, and his heart was captured. Without even realising, his lips were parted and his eyes were wide from the shock, imagining himself in this utopic paradise that she created merely with her words.

“All you have to do is take my hand and follow me. It’s simple. You can do it, Lucifer. Let yourself feel. Let yourself be...What do you say?” she was perfect. She didn’t break her act for not even a split second. The sparkle in her eyes was there from the beginning to the end, and he could feel her fast-beating heart - It was regular for her, as she had the heart rate of a rabbit - It almost seemed natural for her to persuade and sweet-talk anyone like that. Without even realising it himself, he took her hand, looking at her eyes with an expression of wonder, awe and complete fascination...Until she gave him a devilish smirk, and her eyes started glinting with mischief, which made him frown slightly in confusion.

“I won.” was the last thing she said to him before pulling away from him completely, retorting to her bland and pained, exhausted demeanour. “If I made even Lucifer look at me with glazed eyes and made him take my hand, to take him to some dreamland oasis, then I’m sure I deserve the highest mark in the class.” she chuckled with a deadpan expression on her face, not looking at him. “How...Did you do that?” he asked in a low voice, almost not believing what just happend. “Oh, that was possibly the easiest thing I’ve ever done in a long while. You see...I hold great pride in being incredibly intuitive, perceptive, detail-oriented and being able to properly read people...And their hearts. If I had Asmo, I would have told him that he has an amazing personality, and he’s not just all-looks. If it was Mammon, I’d have showered him with praises. If it was Beel, I would have played the family, Lilith and guilt card...And the list goes on. If you, however, are asking how I managed to say all the right words to you...Well...It’s a bit different...And personal.” she spoke, looking at the teacher with a half-smirk as she was given the highest mark, and rightfully so. “What could be so personal that you managed to speak to me as if you are some ancient demon who has been luring people for aeons with her sweet words laced with acid?” he stood up, looking down at her with a stern expression, yet his mind and heart were fighting a war of conflict. “...I told you everything I would have liked someone to tell me all this time.” the raven haired man could see sadness clouding her face, before leaving to her room.

That was a true experience for Lucifer, he couldn’t deny that to himself, and more, for the whole day, no matter how much he tried to work - Her words kept haunting him, and as soon as he picked up the pen, he immediately thought back at the exam and threw it back on the desk.

He tried taking a hot bath, tried listening to that TSL soundtrack, but she was the one to give it to her, after she spent a fortune on Akuzon for his birthday present, but of course, he thought back at her, and he had to stop the music altogether.

Everything he did, he was reminded of those words that held the flavour of the Poison Apples he eats so often, and it was driving him insane. He could feel his brain overheating, and the pressure on his chest was so great that he wanted to dig his nails into his chest and rip apart the flesh, take out the heart and stomp on his heart, because he couldn’t take it anymore. He was a demon, and he was a heavy sinner - He NEEDED to grab her hand and escape the horror of reality. He needed to feel that he wasn’t bound by space, nor time, a body or a brain - He needed to be just one soul, bound to another, to feel no more pain, no more reality - Only euphoria, content, happiness, pleasure.

He couldn’t believe he was so willing to give in to his desires, and it was only because of her. It was HER fault. And yet, her last words before her departure from the classroom kept echoing constantly -

“I told you everything I would have liked someone to tell me all this time.”

He was right all along.

She truly was like him. She was the only one who could properly understand him, and likewise, he was the only one who could take her pain away. Maybe it was his guardian-complex, having to constantly look after someone, needing to be useful to someone... He needed her, as much as she needed him... Because, unlike him, she could easily waste away, as she is nothing more than a human resembling the first Snowdrop in Spring. He could resist until the end of this world, just as he has done until now, but she couldn’t.

The endless train of thoughts was interrupted by yet another knock on his door, that proved to be the same person that plagued his mind - The little lamb walked into the wolf’s den, almost as if summoned, out of her own accord.

To bring him back his fountain pen, along with the promised high-quality ink...It made him chuckle at how adorable and thoughtful she was being, without realising.

“...You are troubled by something. Do you...Want to talk about it...Or should I leave you alone? I did say some pretty heavy words today, I understand if you wouldn’t want to stay in the same room as me for a while.” she gingerly put the items on his study, not looking up at him. “How come you never looked me in the eyes until then?” he asked, looking at her from the office chair. “I...Was never able to look anyone in the eyes, in my life. Now even my sister or my mother. It makes me start panicking...I get intimidated and scared...So I look away. I forced myself to behave the way I was supposed to, but it was the last thing from comfortable. Don’t take it personal.” she chuckled awkwardly, stepping back. “I was surprised that your words had such an impact that I was ready to follow you...But would you follow me? Would you be able to do the very thing that you told me just today? Would you be willing to strip away that facade of yours, take care of yourself, and allow your heart to feel again?” he asked, stepping slowly in front of her, almost resembling a predator prowling to its prey. “...I don’t want to break down and cry, because if I do...Things will only go downhill, very fast and very hard. I’m...Usually on a downward spiral, but when the wave hits...It takes a long time to swim back to the surface...And I’m sure for how many more times will I have the strength to move and breathe.” she muttered, shuffling on her feet, and Lucifer could understand very well. He could see how frail she has become, and it was all because her brain was working against her so heavily, for whatever reason that was eroding her so badly. “If you promise to stay by my side, I will be here to hold your hand and pull you out of the stormy tides. I will walk next to you for your whole journey, until you get tired of me. You just have to take my hand and let yourself be...Let yourself feel. Let out all the pent up emotions, then smile at me, because you have a beautiful smile, and I haven’t seen it in ages. I know you are afraid...It is frightening walking alone, in the dark, with so many monsters around you, ready to gnaw and maul at you...By I will be there, waiting for you, guiding you with a flashlight, ready to hold and protect you...So...What will you do, Y/N? Do you seek salvation and happiness, or are you ready to give up on yourself and want to succumb to the bottomless pit of the abyssal ocean you were thrown into.” he mimicked the way she talked, the way she moved, the way she articulated her words, as he took his gloves off, touching her face and softly caressing it, bending slightly to peer into her eyes.

He could see that she was afraid - She was beginning to tremble, her eyes were glossy, brimming with tears, her bottom lip was quivering and the conflict of good and evil was obvious inside of her - Her hands were in the air, ready, but not entirely, to grab his hands...

“All you have to do is take my hand and follow me. It’s simple. You can do it, Y/N. Let yourself feel. Let yourself be...What do you say?” he mimicked her own words, wanting to see if it would be enough of a push for her

Choosing was truly a mortifying experience, but she was strong, he knew that - And that was made obvious when her shoulders finally started shaking, her breath becoming ragged....

And she threw her arms around his torso, letting rivers and rivers of tears fall down her already exhausted face. Her body was so small compared to his, so small...And so cold, in his warm arms...He couldn’t help but hold her tighter, stroking her hair soothingly, putting a kiss on the top of her head.

“Please take care of me, I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I-I don’t want to leech off of you...I’ve always been everyone’s therapist...And I know how much it sucks...B-But you’re the only one who ever bothered to show me any kindness and understanding. Please, Lucifer, don’t let me drown...I’m so tired of swimming...I can’t go on.” her sobs were so pitiful and broken that it shattered his heart and resolve, and all he could do was guide her to the bed, knowing she was too weak to sit up for too long, and started rocking her gently, as he would do with his brothers long ago, in the Celestial Realm, whenever they were upset or had a nightmare.

“Don’t worry, Y/N, I’m here, and I’m not going away until you tell me to. You won’t drown...You grabbed the lifeline the second you took my hand, and I’m going to make sure you keep floating above the sheen of the water and have no problem breathing.” he reassured her, knowing very well how hopeless it feels being in that situation...But now they could at least cling onto each other for help, support, love brightness.

“How...? How did you know everything...?” she asked, clutching on his shirt, almost as if the harder she pulled, the better the chances of survival. “Because the very words you told me are what you needed to hear the most.”

251 notes · View notes

agentofscifi · 5 years ago

Text

Super Genius Ch. 3

I march my way through the complex, ignoring the stares off all of the Avengers. My Dad is biting into a bagel as I stop next to him. He swallows quickly. “Happy Birthday Kiddo!”

I feel my eye twitch. “Peter, Peni, Miles, Anya, and Gwen have all been bitten by radioactive spiders. MJ and Ned seem to be some sort of Superhero backup. Riri and Harley recreated your tech in garages. Are any of these kids normal?”

My Dad flushes. “How’s you find out?”

“Peter got surprised, jumped, landed on the ceiling and then stayed there! This is not normal!”

My Dad opens and closes his mouth. “I can explain!”

I raise an eyebrow. “Explain what? How every one of your new interns is either helping a superhero, is a superhero, or is on their way to being a Superhero? What is this, the Junior Avengers?”

My Dad rolls his eyes. “I haven’t coined a name yet, and don’t you mean everyone but you?”

I raise an eyebrow. “Maybe.” It didn’t matter as much now. My parents in France were told about me being Ladybug after I became the Guardian. The kids all already knew. Harley had looked in my bag for my charging cord last night only to find Tikki. This would be when Peter freaked out and got stuck on the ceiling. Giant talking bugs were not normal in New York, according to Peter. Either way, my superhero ID had already known to the rest of the kids.

My Dad does a double take. “What does “maybe” mean?”

I shrug. “Maybe means that I was given a pair of magical earrings with a tiny goddess that’s attached to them when I was 12 and that I’ve been fighting a magical terrorist for the past 3 years while in Paris.”

Everyone is looking at me once again. My Father is blinking rapidly. “This is a joke, right?”

Tikki suddenly pops up in the air next to me. “Hi, I’m Tikki! I’m the Ladybug Kawami.”

A disheveled Clint looks up from his cup of coffee before slowly grabbing a newspaper and rolling it up. “Stark, don’t move. There’s a giant floating bug.”

I reach forward and snatch the newspaper from his hand. “She’s a goddess.”

Clint closes his eyes slowly. “So, no huge bug bites from the giant floating bug goddess?”

I resist the urge to facepalm. “No, there won’t be any bug bites. Drink your coffee.” Clint nods and slowly starts to sip on his coffee again.

My Dad clears his throat. “Magical terrorist?”

“Who uses evil butterflies to possess people.”

My Dad stares at me then looks to the ceiling. “FRIDAY? Is my daughter on drugs?”

“No, Mr. Stark. Further research has turned up a few blogs and news articles speaking of Ladybug, Chat Noir, and several other heroes fighting a Hawkmoth and Mayura.”

My Dad furrows his brow. “Is Paris on drugs?”

I roll my eyes. “No, Dad. This is not the point. Are you, or are you not, starting some kind of Junior Justice League?”

My father gives me a playful glare. “Mari, you know me. I’m just mentoring.”

“So you are starting a Junior Justice League.” I throw my hands into the air. “You have got to be kidding me!”

“Marinette!” My Dad is whining now, like a child.

I roll my eyes and decide to skip out on the rest of my questions involving my Father’s collection of teenage superheroes. “Dinner with Pepper, Rodney, and Happy tonight?”

He smiles. “Of course, at your favorite restaurant!”

I peak him on the cheek. “Love you Dad!” I twist around on my heels and hit the button for the elevator.

Sam blinks as I step into the elevator. Tikki waves at Sam, who hesitantly waves back. “What’s with the floating giant bug in the elevator?”

“The tiny goddess attached to Tony’s kid’s earrings that she used to fight a magical terrorist in France that’s possessing people with butterflies.” Natasha leans back in her seat, sipping on a cup of coffee.

Sam rubs his eyes and looks back at Tikki, who is still waving cheekily. “I’m going back to bed.”

The elevator door closes as Sam turns back around to go to bed.

A few seconds later I end up back in the Teen living room. Harley looks up as I walk back in. “So, are we the Junior Justice League?”

“Yup. You guys ready for today?”

Ned briefly throws his hands up in the air. “5 Days of Star Wars in less than 24 hours!”

MJ rolls her eyes as she finishes up the shopping list. “It’s 7 days Ned. We need to sleep.”

“Sleep is for the weak!” Peni sitting on top of her robot, her spider resting on her shoulder.

Anya sighs and runs a hand over her face. “I cannot believe I am doing this.”

My mouth splits wide open. “Doing what Anya? Adding an AI to the Avengers Tower, freeing ourselves of the Baby Monitors, and rebelling form the man upstairs.”

Gwen looks over the back of the couch with a raised eyebrow. “Is the man your father?”

“Yes and if he was in my shoes, he’d be doing the exact same thing.”

Gwen shrugs. “Probably.”

“I’m sorry!” Peter looks around at all of us. “Are we all just going to go with the tiny goddess living in our...apartment, the girl with magical earrings, and the terrorist in Paris with magical butterflies possessing people?”

“Peter,” Miles looks up from the sketch book in his hand. “There's a wizard with a semi-sentiate cape living in New York. The tiny goddess makes more sense than the cape. The evil butterflies, I’ll give you that. That’s just weird.”

I click my tongue. “Says the kid who developed invisibility after being bitten by a spider. That’s weird.”

Miles holds his hands up. “Agree to disagree.” He reaches down and holds up his paper. It was done in colored pencil, but was drawn as if it was spray painted. It was a large yin-yang symbol, however, a spider sat in the Yin circle of the Yang side and the arc reactor symbol sat in the Yang circle of the Yin side. “What do you think?”

“I think we need to add spray paint to the shopping list. We have our symbol of rebellion.”

Harley shrugs again. “Or the symbol of our Junior Avengers?”

Riri glares up at Harley. “Way to ruin the moment, country boy.”

Back in Paris

Lila’s POV

Alya squeals as Miss. Bustier smiles before the collection of students. Technically, Lycée was out for the year, but after months of fundraising and paperwork, the Akuma Class of Lycée Françoise Dupont was attending the International Technology Showcase in Washington D.C. in 2 months. A sizable anonymous donation was sent to the school. I had already spun a story telling all of my sheep that Tony Stark sent the money so that we could see the Showcase in D.C.

Max had already planned on attending the showcase this summer, as he was showing off a computer program of his. With the announcement that the school would be covering the rest of the trip, several other students in the class were considering adding their own inventions to the showcase. I would have to whip something up and then maybe I’d be able to catch the eye of someone at the showcase. Science wasn’t where I wanted to end up, but winning some award at a huge competition for a bunch of nerds would look great on my portfolio.

I give a loud sigh. “This sounds great, but unfortunately, my designs went missing. I had this amazing idea that I worked out with Tony Stark. The equations and blueprints disappeared out of my bag on the last day of school.” 3, 2, 1, and!

Alya gasps. “I bet it was Marinette, just like your laptop Lila!”

“Did you ever go to the police, Lila?” Rose is giving me one of those obnoxious smiles.

“I tried, but since I didn’t have any proof, they said they couldn’t do much. Marinette must have reset the tablet.” I give a few sniffs as the class tries to comfort me.

“You know, I bet if we told Marinette’s parents they’d believe us!” Alya stands up from the benches just outside the school. “I bet they’ll force Marientte to give back Lila’s laptop.”

A brief wave of shock rolls over me. That was something I hadn’t considered yet, turning Ms. Goodie-Tooshoe’s parents against her. The iPad idea might not work alone, but with all the other stories I had made up, I could probably convince them. “Well, if you think it’s the best thing to do.”

The whole class makes their way over to the bakery, Alya at the lead. I let the class escort me over, as if I didn’t want to be bothering the two bakers.

Alya slams open the front door, the bell’s ring catching the attention of the two people behind the register, as well as the woman attempting to order. Both of Marientte’s parents give the class smiles, however, they seem hesitant. “Hello kids,” Marinette’s mother waves to us. “I’ll be with you in a second.”

Alya, instead, marches her way towards the counter and pushes the woman aside. “Mrs. Dupain-Cheng, we have something important to talk to you about!”

Said woman’s smile falls instantly as the other woman rubs her side. I immediately knew this wouldn’t go to plan. I’d have to adapt to get things my way. “Alya, I’m with a customer. It will have to wait a few minutes.”

Alya rolls her eyes. “This is more important. Where’s Marinette?”

Mrs. Dupain-Cheng crosses her arms over her chest. “Marinette isn’t here. What is this all about?”

“Mari’s been bullying Lila!” Alya points back to me and I give a small wave. “She’s stolen things from her, called her a liar, has sent mean texts, and just a few days ago, she took Lila’s iPad and some tech plans Lila worked out with Tony Stark.”

Marinette’s parents share a look before her mother bursts out laughing. Alya rears back her head in shock and I can’t even hide my surprise. Mrs. Dupain-Cheng looks back at us. “Marinette didn’t steal any tech plans. She doesn’t need to.”

Alya opens and closes her mouth a few times. “What! Of course she does! She’s a complete scatterbrain.”

Mrs. Dupain-Cheng’s eyes darken. “My daughter skipped a year of school and still had the best grades in your class, hell, in your year. She managed to have these top grades while juggling her class’ work, class representative duties and all of your outrageous requests that were usual last minute and always free.”

Several of my classmates are red or pale after those words. This was not going my way at all. I give Marinette’s mother a big smile. “Well, that’s what friends do, they help each other.”

Mrs. Dupain-Cheng raises an eyebrow. “Right. I suppose this is why my daughter spent countless nights and hundreds of euros on fabrics for commission she was never paid for. Or, why Marinette was told she’d be babysitting three little kids for free while their older siblings went on dates with the money their parents gave them for babysitting. Or why she was told she was being selfish everytime she tried to ask for help.”

I let my smile fall. This was not going to plan at all. “She stole things from Lila!” Alya has a look of disbelief on her face. “She stole important work. So what if Marinette’s a year ahead. Max still has way better grades than her. You’ll see next year when we restart classes.”

Max’s chest puffs out in pride. I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes. Mrs. Dupain-Cheng just raises an eyebrow. “Go to the police then, if my daughter has stolen something. As for next year, Marinette graduated Lycée last week after years of working ahead. She’s attending MIT in the fall.”

This could not be happening. Adrien looks at Marinette’s mother with shocked eyes. “Why didn’t she tell us?”

At the same time Alya screams. “What!”

The eyebrow is raised even high. “Because you told my daughter that you weren’t friends with her anymore. Now, you had barged into my shop, pushed a client, and rudely interrupted a sale. Please leave!”

“But-”

“Now!” The class scurried out the door, me along with them. Marinette’s mother looked truly angry.

We all stand outside the shop, several of my sheep looking completely confused. Since when was Ms. Goodie-Goodie smart enough to graduate two years early?

I huff and I slowly make my way up the staircase of the Dupain-Cheng home. I need something for this showcase and if Marientte is as smart as her mother says she is, then she’d have something. I managed to pick the lock of the bakery and make my way up to the attic that Marinette called a room.

It was bare. That was the best way to describe the room. All of the walls were empty of decorations. The desk had nothing on it either. All that was left was the basic furniture and the sheets on the bed. I try all of the desk drawers and even under the bed, nothing. Then, I remember it the board Alya told me about. The schedule of Adrien’s that Marinette had kept.

I rooted around at the edge of the bed until I found it. The edge of the board. Smiling, I pull it all the way down. It was several layers of plans on top of each other. There were details about several apps, some green projects and well as some super resistant fabric for firefighters. What really caught my eye was the equations and blue prints for a small device that would wirelessly charge any device in a 50 radius. I snap photos of all layers of plans. If I could get this stuff out there, I could make thousands, and all with the help of Marinette. The only issue would be if Marinette came after me for stealing her work. Who was I kidding, that wouldn’t be an issue. I’d just shed some tears and tell everyone about Marinette’s bullying. I had school records to back me up. It’s not like anyone would believe her if she said she did the work.

New York City

Marinette’s POV

I click my tongue as a notification pops up on my phone. After Chloe had broken into my room I’d set up security cameras and motion sensor alerts in case anyone else tried something. A good idea seeing as Lila was currently picking at things in my room. I raise an eyebrow as she pulls down my chart and starts to take photos of my inventions on there.

“Everything alright?” Riri stops at shoulder and looks over at the phone. “What is she doing?”

“She is taking photos of my ideas. The coding for a few apps, blueprints for some green energy things, the information required for my super resistant firefighter fabric and an invention I got a patent back on last week. It goes on sale in a month with Stark Industries.”

“Cool. How does she expect to get away with this?”

“Didn’t you hear!” I pick up an overly fake fangirl tone of voice. “It’s Lila Rossi! She’s Ladybug’s best friend, she saved Jagged Stone’s kitten, she does all kinds of environmental charities with Prince Ali, she helps the Avengers and all while having arthritis, sprained ankles and wrists, and tinnitus that switches ears every few hours.”

Peter stops in the middle of the living room, a look of complete confusion on his face. “I thought Jagged Stone had a crocodile?”

“He does Peter.”

“Since when does Tinnitus switch ears?” Peter is still confused.

“Since she saved Jagged Stone’s cat from an airplane.”

Harley snorts from the edge of the kitchen. “This sounds like fantasy.”

I groan. “You’d think, but my class all believes her. Max made a freaking A.I robot, with emotions, but believes that a paper napkin could cut his eye. He wears glasses.”

“What did Hawkmoth lower your class’ IQs or something?” Anya settles down into the nest we had made in the past hour.

“A leading theory.”

The phone rings with a facetime request. I hit the accept button and my father’s face pops up with a stack of papers in his hands. “What is this?”

I raise an eyebrow. “You got our declaration of independence.”

My father looks unimpressed. “What is this?”

Riri is grinning next to me. “Our declaration of independence.”

“What does that mean?” I can’t but laugh at the confused expression on my Dad’s face.

Harley pops up on my other shoulder. “No baby monitoring protocols!”

“Junk food all day!” Miles yells from his spot.

“No bedtime!” Peni is cheering. Sometimes I forget how young she is.

There’s laughing in the background from my father’s end. “Tony, are the kids beating you up?” I recognize Bucky’s voice in the background.

My father ignores the comment. “How did you block FRIDAY?”

“Simple, I added in my own AI. I left the backdoor open years ago.”

“You have an AI?” My father’s face is torn between confusion and pride.

“JADA. Junior Avengers Defying Adults.”

“Mari!” My Dad is whining again.

“You have 5-6 days to review our Declaration, we will be occupied during this time. We have a lawyer, for the record.”

“Do I want to know what you’ll be doing?”

“Star Wars marathon. All 12 movies, along with all 7 seasons of Clone Wars, the first season of the Bad Batch, all 4 seasons of Rebels, and the two seasons of The Mandalorian. If we don’t sleep, it’s roughly 7711 minutes of Star Wars, which is 128 hours and 31 minutes or 5 days and eight hours. So, when you see us again is entirely dependent on how long we can go without sleep.”

“I worry about you sometimes.”

“ I’ve got to go. Ned just put in the first film.”

“Just one question. What is on the floor behind you?”

I looked over my shoulder at the nest that had been put together over the past hour. Riri was settling into her spot. “That’s 6 mattresses, 19 blankets, and about a dozen pillows.”

“Why?”

“Couches are boring.”

“Ok, now I’m worried about all of you.”

“Goodbye Dad!”

Before ~~~~~~ Next

#lila salt #alya salt #miraculous ladybug #avengers #marinette deserves better #Tony Stark #class salt #bustier salt #Marinete is Tony Stark's Kid #peter parker #super genius marinette

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bemused-writer · 5 years ago

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Analysis of Subaru, Kamui, and Subaru/Kamui

Ever since I first read X/1999 I was of the Subaru/Kamui persuasion. The two have each suffered a great deal and went out of their way to support one another; every single scene they have is of them doing just that as best they can. And since I have returned to my X/1999 obsession with a vengeance, I figure it’s time to take a look at this ship–and the characters themselves–with everything I got. Technically, this is not a “confirmed” ship. Technically, there are a lot of unconfirmed or implied ships floating around X/1999. I figure that's on account of CLAMP’s multishipping tendencies. Anyhow…

Before we get into this, I won't be taking Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicles into account for two reasons: 1) It is an AU and therefore is supposed to give us an alternative look at the characters and 2) If I start including the plotlines of Tsubasa we will never finish this review. X/1999 is already plenty long. 8D I might do a separate post about their interactions in Tsubasa once I reread that manga, though.

With that out of the way, let’s take a look. One of the most obvious things people have to say about these two is that they’re reflections of each other. They’ve been through similar experiences and similar traumas. Their reactions to those experiences are quite different, however, and goes a long way towards explaining why they take separate paths later in the series. Let’s start with their first meeting.

When Subaru first meets Kamui, it’s literally at the worst phase of Kamui’s life. His best friend, Fuuma, has just had his brain washed thanks to fate (!) and the woman he loved, Kotori, was murdered by said best friend right before his eyes. As if all that wasn’t bad enough, he was nearly killed by Fuuma as well, which took on a weird, sexual vibe, which becomes pretty consistent on Fuuma’s part throughout the series.

All of this is extremely similar to what Subaru endured at Seishirou’s hands in Tokyo Babylon years earlier (although the sexual component with Seishirou is toned down quite a bit in comparison). There are some notable differences in circumstance, however, and these circumstances are important to understanding the fundamental differences between Subaru and Kamui themselves. As Subaru says, their pain isn’t the same.

The most pertinent difference between the two is the cause that led them into a coma in the first place and what ultimately brought them out of it. For Subaru, the betrayal and abuse at the hands of the man he loved is what sent him into a coma while the death of his sister, the other person he loved most, is what brought him out of it. In other words, traumatic shock put him into a coma and traumatic shock forced him out of it. There wasn't a single moment that wasn't painful.

For Kamui, it’s quite different. The death of the woman he loved along with the betrayal and abuse at the hands of his best friend is what sent him into the coma. It was doubly traumatic because Kamui lost everything all at once. This is a big part of why Sorata was so worried Kamui would never wake up; he literally had nothing tying him to reality. The only two people he'd ever had a significant bond with were both gone in one fell swoop. The only reason he emerged from this is, of course, because of Subaru’s intervention.

Perhaps the only reason Kamui is even slightly well-adjusted is thanks to the much gentler wake-up call he had in comparison to Subaru. Frankly, after Hokuto died, Subaru didn't have anyone for nine years. It's no wonder he dwelled on nothing but Seishirou, barely managed his duties as head of the Sumeragi clan, and developed a suicidal wish to keep him going.

Kamui has Subaru, so he managed to avoid a lot of that. He's still obsessed with Fuuma, but he has other things to occupy his time with.

Some other differences in Subaru and Kamui's backstory to keep in mind: Seishirou was acting like a good guy in Tokyo Babylon. Fate had absolutely nothing to do with his transformation into a bad guy; that's just how he is. Fuuma actually was a good person who had the good persona wiped away and replaced with ... his fated personality, I suppose. I think this explains some of Kamui's stubbornness when it comes to rescuing Fuuma; he knows fate isn't fair and Fuuma was a victim of it.

Subaru has no such delusions. He knows Seishirou was playing him for a fool and he knows he has no regrets about it. It's why his wish isn't to fix Seishirou; it's merely to die at his hands, so he can finally let go of the whole thing.

And Subaru does his best to keep himself at a distance from his fellow Dragons of Heaven for the sake of this endeavor. He doesn't really befriend any of them or spend any real amount of time with them; he knows his wish will bring nothing but pain to anyone that cares for him, so he tries to avoid those attachments. I suspect we wouldn't have heard much from Subaru in this series if he hadn't become unexpectedly attached to Kamui himself.

So, let's get back to their first meeting. Kamui is in a coma and Subaru delves into his memories in order to help him. This isn't the first time Subaru has done this, and there are a few parallels to his previous case to consider with this one.

In volume 2 of Tokyo Babylon, Subaru has to help a woman, Mitsuki, that he once knew that had fallen into a coma after being sexually assaulted. It's implied this is the first time Subaru has entered someone's mind to help them, and he comments it will be easier if she remembers him at least a little. He'd been dreaming of her earlier that very day.

Now, not only does Mitsuki remember him, it's revealed that she's harbored a crush on him since they were children. It's never made very clear whether or not Subaru returns those feelings, although there are some jokes from Seishirou that she is his rival in love. Regardless, Subaru saves a woman that considers him special and only emerges from her coma thanks to Subaru's kind words.

So, when Subaru enters Kamui’s mind, he knows it will be dangerous. Kamui doesn’t know him at all; there isn’t any kind of attachment to make this easier. But the end result is very similar to what we see in Tokyo Babylon: Kamui emerges both because of Subaru’s kind words, but also because he’s found someone that understands the pain he’s been through to some degree. Both Mitsuki and Kamui reverted to childhood in their sorrow as well, a time where things were much simpler and the world easier to understand.

There’s no doubt that Kamui considers Subaru special after this. How could he not? And if we compare Kamui’s case directly with Mitsuki’s there’s at least the implication he may grow to care for Subaru in a similar fashion to Mitsuki. CLAMP went out of there way to draw as many comparisons between Subaru’s past and Kamui’s present as they could within this series, so I think it’s fair to make this assumption.

It's also notable that Subaru's own feelings on the matter are harder to read in both situations. Did he have feelings for Mitsuki or was she simply a treasured friend from his past? Her words had haunted him for years at that point, so her opinion definitely mattered. Likewise, it's harder for us to tell what he thinks about Kamui. We can tell there's a deep bond and affection there, but it's not quite as straightforward.

The hug is actually quite important here. They held one another in the dreamscape and then continued to in reality. This is interesting because neither Subaru nor Kamui are physically affectionate people. Subaru only ever hugged his sister and maintains a kind of no-contact rule with people in general. He never initiated physical contact with Seishirou throughout Tokyo Babylon and definitely doesn't in X/1999. He doesn't go out of his way to pat his fellow Dragons of Heaven on the back the way Sorata does. The only exception is Kamui.

As for Kamui, he just … isn’t affectionate. 8D You’ll recall how crabby he was at the beginning of X/1999. He was pushing everyone away in a misguided attempt at protecting them. Then, one of the only notable times he initiated physical contact was when he held Kotori in his arms and cupped Fuuma’s cheek for the last time, and that was when he was incredibly distressed and finally willing to admit how much he cared about them both.

These are two people he’s known and trusted his whole life, so it makes sense he would allow some physical contact between them. Consider how he reacts to Sorata, Keiichi, evil!Fuuma, and pretty much anyone else that tries to initiate physical contact: it’s met with either confusion, overt hostility, or acceptance without reciprocation. Honestly, Sorata’s gotten all three of these reactions… 8D

The one exception is Subaru, who he not only accepts physical contact from, but will also initiate. So, the two of them are relatively similar in how they approach this, which is something we'll see throughout this review.

While Subaru was in Kamui’s dreamscape, they discuss several important things, such as the fact Kamui is trying to escape reality and the fact nothing will change or improve if he remains in the coma. He also explains his relationship with Seishirou and how things became much worse when he refused to leave the confines of his own mind.

But there’s a small detail CLAMP drops that I always found interesting.

This isn’t meant to show Kamui as naive. On the contrary, this is actually pretty wise and gets back to Subaru’s Shinto roots. Subaru is an onmyoji, a follower of onmyodo, which is a mix of Chinese philosophy (the five elements, yin-yang theory, etc.), Buddhism, and has elements of Japanese philosophy, i.e. Shintoism.

In Shinto, things really do have lives, and they deserve respect. It's yet another demonstration of how the Sakurazukamori are the opposite of the Sumeragi; they use these basic ideals and corrupt them. Things aren’t important, and neither are people.

So, in one fell swoop, Kamui has reminded Subaru of his own philosophy and demonstrated a fundamental difference between his worldview and Seishirou’s. Kamui is approaching things from a similar place Subaru would have when he was younger (it’s hard to say how much faith Subaru has in his own practice at this point; he’s pretty jaded).

Ultimately, Subaru asks Kamui several questions that give insight into both of their mindsets while they're in the dreamscape: If his [Fuuma’s] true self is restored, are you willing to tell him you killed Kotori? Even if it means he’ll hate you? Even if you must shoulder the blame for the rest of your life? Even if no one else will understand what you wished for and the reasons why?

It’s a pretty serious line of questioning because, in all honesty, what Kamui wants is dangerous. There’s no guarantee he can ever have it, and if he does attain his wish, no one will be spared the repercussions of it, least of all himself. In contrast, Subaru’s wish is a lot less destructive for the world as a whole, but he’s still hurting the people who care about him with it. Still, a lot of these questions are probably the same ones Subaru has had to ask himself over and over again. He knows no one will understand his own wish, that he will have to shoulder the blame for it, and that some could even hate him for valuing himself so little. He's making absolutely sure that Kamui understands the repercussions.

The thing is, while Kamui is willing to shoulder all the potential problems that might arise when Fuuma is restored, he's not at all prepared to think about whether this wish is what he actually wants or if it's even worth all the other problems that will arise from it. Subaru doesn't bring any of that up likely because he's never had to think of the whole planet with his wish. This is outside his own experience. He's doing his best for Kamui, but there are some things he simply won't understand. It's why he pointed out that his pain and Kamui's pain are different; there are some things they won't understand about each other, even with these similarities.

Our next important scene with Subaru and Kamui takes on a much less dramatic tone, which is probably for the best; there’s very little chill time in this series. 8D

Kamui has enrolled in high school due to its location being where the sword will be hidden until he has need of it. He visits Kotori’s grave, which is nearby, and then goes to study with Subaru, though a fellow classmate, Keiichi, had been trying to gain his attention.

For one brief, shining moment, it’s as if we’re in a completely different series where the world isn’t about to end…

But the first thing that’s interesting about this is that it means they must be conversing off screen if they’re making plans to meet up, which is a theme that becomes very common with these two. Unlike the bulk of the Dragons of Heaven, Subaru doesn't live in the same dormitory as Kamui, so they’d have to figure out some way of meeting up. I would have liked to see some of that planning and how often they meet up to study, but CLAMP leaves all that to the imagination.

At any rate, Subaru has enrolled in the college and Kamui is worried he will get in trouble for skipping class to help him.

There’s a lot that's wrong with this. First of all, Subaru is only enrolled in college because it’s a good way of tracking down Seishirou, which Kamui swiftly picks up on. This is incredibly sad because throughout Tokyo Babylon, Subaru had been trying very hard to graduate from high school so that he could then go to college and become a zookeeper. This complete lack of interest in college or anything he once cared about is constantly present and goes a long way towards explaining why Subaru cracks as the series progresses.

Kamui is always very quick to figure out when Subaru is thinking about the Sakurazukamori even though, outside of their first meeting, he never directly brings him up of his own accord. There isn’t a single time when Kamui looks happy about it either. The sheer frequency with which Kamui brings up the Sakurazukamori makes me think he’s constantly looking for confirmation that that man really is the only person Subaru cares about, as if Kamui is hoping one day he’ll give a different response.

At any rate, what Kamui is really taking issue with here is Subaru’s smoking and his attachment to the Sakurazukamori. Subaru says he smokes because it makes him more powerful (which is such… a lie? Does he think anyone would actually believe that?) to which Kamui has this as a response:

Kamui appears sad and disappointed at the answer because it is a disappointing answer (and a lie, but I digress) and Subaru looks surprised because… I think he was actually worried Kamui thought he would be ineffective as a Dragon of Heaven due to the smoking, that it would hinder him in battle. The fact Kamui is worried about his health didn’t even cross his mind.

Their exact exchange was this:

Kamui: But… don’t you worry that it’ll–

Subaru: It’s fine. Some people find that smoking weakens their powers, but for me it has the opposite effect.

He doesn’t let Kamui finish his sentence and immediately comes across as a little defensive about the whole thing. So, yeah, Subaru didn’t think Kamui would care because he cares about Subaru. He thought Kamui only cared as the Kamui, his leader. Realizing he was mistaken changes the rest of their dynamic for the duration of their study session. Subaru snuffs out the cigarette and resumes where they’d left off.

We don’t actually get to see the rest of the study session, though it's implied it goes on for a while. Keiichi interrupts things at some point because he is determined to hangout with Kamui. His reaction to Subaru is both amusing and kind of telling.

Keiichi’s repeated apologies to Subaru for interrupting and stealing Kamui away followed up by his comment that Subaru is good-looking to Kamui really makes it sound like he thought he was interrupting a date and/or that he thinks Kamui is interested in Subaru. Especially after he turns it all around by telling Kamui that he's really good looking as well and, as if that wasn’t enough, invites him to his house and offers to tutor him.

Uh… I’m just going to say it. Keiichi has never been subtle in regards to his massive crush on Kamui and he clearly thinks he’s stealing Kamui away from a potential love interest. 8D

My goodness. XD I really don’t think Kamui picked up on any of that dynamic. He just thinks Keiichi is friendly and kind of weird. It’s like Kamui has developed Sakura syndrome and Keiichi is Tomoyo.

As for Kamui, we get an idea of how he views Subaru thanks to this exchange and it's pretty interesting. It also explains pretty much every single one of Kamui's reactions to Subaru and why their interactions go the way they do.

There’s definitely a lot of fondness there. He agrees that Subaru is good looking and we get an actual image of how he sees him: someone who is ethereal, almost untouchable with a very literal barrier (of water from the dreamscape), but he's willing to reach out and bring Kamui to his level. He absolutely views Subaru as a savior because that’s precisely what Subaru did for him. That’s a pretty complicated relationship, quite a bit more complicated than Keiichi is thinking, that’s for sure.

As for Subaru, he resumes his smoking as soon as Kamui is out of sight. I think Kamui suspected that’s why he wanted to stay behind because he looks contemplative when Subaru says he isn’t coming with. Even Keiichi seems surprised. Maybe that’s why he thought he had a chance with Kamui? (Also, Keiichi and Kamui’s interactions kind of deserve their own analysis because he’s Kamui’s one tie to normalcy and Keiichi has a profound attachment to Kamui the second they meet.)

Even so, Kamui's words about smoking being bad for him sticks with Subaru and you can tell he's conflicted about it. He keeps the cigarettes close, but there's less certainty about it than there was earlier in their conversation.

This part in particular is up for interpretation since there’s no dialogue, but to me it reads as Subaru being unable to let Seishirou go, but possibly wishing he were capable of it. He knows his wish will hurt people, and Subaru has never been content with that. This scene also makes me think of Subaru's one-shot chapter, where a woman says only a person with an ill heart can go around thinking only of one person. Subaru knows smoking is bad for him, but he's also already accepted he's "ill."

I’m a little unclear on how much time has passed, but the next time Kamui and Subaru see each other, it’s after Kamui is returning home from Keiichi’s house. He’s attacked by Fuuma and Subaru rushes in to save him.

Subaru legitimately came out of nowhere in this scene. Where was he before? How'd he get there so quickly? I know that the Dragons of Heaven can sense when a kekkai is raised, but Kamui can't raise one, so... I honestly can't remember, can the Dragons of Heaven just sense when Kamui is in danger? Because if not, I really don't know how Subaru knew to be exactly where he was needed.

Regardless, the battle between Fuuma and Kamui was going about as well as it usually does, which is to say absolutely terribly. Subaru gets a kekkai raised, and we actually get to see him use his onmyoji abilities in earnest against Nataku. You have no idea how much I wish we'd gotten to see infinitely more of this.

Unfortunately, Subaru ultimately loses once Fuuma joins the fray, but that’s because Fuuma is, frankly, an OP villain. I have never understood why the villains are so much more powerful than the good guys in this series. That’s just bad game design.

So, Subaru actually manages to capture Fuuma in a kekkai. I’m a little unclear on what the end goal of this was going to be. Annihilating him? Trapping him for good? But we don’t get to find out because Subaru gets lost in visions of Seishirou, the man he wants to kill him. To add insult to injury, Fuuma attacks him the same way Seishirou did when he was 16 and blinds his eye, saying it’s “his wish.” Ever notice Fuuma only seems to grant the really messed up wishes? He doesn’t have to grant all of these. He could focus on some nice ones for a change. Sheesh…

More importantly (as far as this review goes), Kamui is once again in the same situation Subaru was when he was 16. He is being protected by someone who loses their eye and he was powerless to stop it, just as Subaru was all those years ago. The main difference is that back then, Subaru was purposefully allowing someone to take their anger out on him and Seishirou got in the way. Kamui was forcibly restrained from the battle and had no choice but to witness events. It also shows the difference in their personality: Subaru isn't predisposed to fighting and is more than willing to be hurt if it helps another while Kamui is perfectly all right with fighting, he just doesn't want to hurt the other Kamui because it will hurt Fuuma.

There are some other differences as well. When Seishirou’s eye was gouged out he kind of just… walked into the ER? 8D Didn’t comfort Subaru, just casually stopped the woman from attacking him and walked away. So, Subaru’s distress levels were through the roof.

Kamui’s distress levels are also ridiculously high, but once again, Subaru is far more compassionate than Seishirou and I’m sure Subaru can see the parallels here. He knows exactly what Kamui’s going through, and he doesn’t want Kamui beating himself up the way he did to himself all those years ago. He actually stops the gurney in an effort to comfort him.

It definitely helps, but sometimes Subaru is a little too honest with Kamui. He tells him this was his “wish.” Needless to say, that doesn’t exactly ease Kamui’s mind because it raises a lot of questions about Subaru's mental state he probably hadn't even been considering before.

What follows is the most clear cut parallel we’ve ever had between Subaru and Kamui. Subaru’s despair at possibly losing Seishirou when he was 16 is nearly identical to Kamui’s despair at nearly losing Subaru in the present. CLAMP is not doing this accidentally.

This, almost more than anything else, makes me believe that Kamui has feelings for Subaru because there’s not really a reason to include this parallel otherwise. In Tokyo Babylon, after Seishirou lost his eye, Subaru realized he was in love with him. It wasn't right away, but that was the incident that sparked the whole thing.

After Subaru loses his eye, Kamui stays by his side as much as possible. Kamui is never shown to have a sudden revelation he’s in love, but this is where the differences between Subaru and Kamui really become important.

Back then, Subaru was terrified of Seishirou hating him after the eye incident, and I think a lot of that comes down to the fact that Seishirou was trying to win a bet. He proclaimed his love to Subaru all the time, but he was also mysterious and decidedly standoffish. Subaru had a difficult time reading him, therefore he couldn’t predict what Seishirou would think of him afterwards.

Subaru also has a fundamentally different personality to Kamui; he had no awareness of his own feelings toward Seishirou until his sister made him think about it and a stranger said it sounded like he really loved this individual.

Whether Kamui is worried Subaru will hate him is a little unclear, but we do know that one of Kamui’s biggest opinions of Subaru is that he’s very kind. We also know he admires him as the man that saved him and saw him at his worst already. Subaru is always honest and very open with Kamui; there isn’t any additional layer of confusion in this regard (there is confusion about other things, though). The only thing Kamui fears right now is Subaru dying in this situation. He also feels massive guilt for being incapable of helping him. Kamui is taking the blame for this.

Another difference is that Kamui doesn’t have anyone deliberately trying to get him to think about his feelings for Subaru, but I think Kamui is more predisposed to falling for people in general? Or at least more capable of realizing when he has. He loved Kotori and never seemed to be in denial about it from what I can tell. It wasn’t declared in a straightforward manner in the manga, but the series made it apparent enough through other things. Kotori is considered his canonical love interest for this very reason. And I think that’s more or less what we ought to expect in regards to Kamui’s feelings toward Subaru. There isn’t going to be a big revelation; it will simply be.

And part of that quiet revelation is how attached he continues to be to Subaru after this incident.

Subaru is overtly worried about Kamui, probably because he knows how worked up he was over Seishirou himself when it happened, but also because he thinks Kamui hasn't slept. "It's harder for him to bear the wounds to his heart than the wounds to his body." Subaru definitely understands Kamui's pain all too well and he knows that while this particular incident is his own fault, Kamui is the one who will shoulder the blame, just as he did all those years ago.

It's interesting that Kamui asks for permission to visit him again. It definitely implies that maybe he actually is a little worried Subaru doesn't want him around, that he's sending him away because he's upset with him.

Kamui looks quite distressed at first, but one look from Subaru and he knows Subaru isn’t upset with him; he's worried about him.

These two tend to be very quiet around each other as soon as other people are in the room, and both Sorata and Arashi are right there. As soon as they’re alone, they engage in far more intimate conversation. Yet, they appear to be pretty good at silent communication as well and a lot is exchanged in the above panels.

Even if Subaru has forgiven him, Kamui is still plagued by what happened (understandably). He compares it to his failure to save Kotori. Two important people to him are hurt/killed because he couldn’t fight against Fuuma. It’s a powerful dilemma and a powerful comparison.

Still, after a conversation with Sorata, a visit to Kotori's grave, and a conversation with Keiichi, Kamui has renewed hope. He can do something against Fuuma: he can protect the people he cares about. This renews Kamui's determination to learn how to create a kekkai, a plot point that is never actually finished... I honestly wonder if would have learned to create one? And what would have sparked that?

We get a little insight into what Subaru is thinking about events, though. It's about as depressing as you'd expect with the trajectory of this series.

Subaru has a selfish wish. He knows that wish will hurt everyone that knows him and now there are quite a few people who care about him, something he'd been trying to avoid.

Yuzuriha is entirely correct in her analysis here, though for more reasons than she might realize. She's essentially saying that both Kamui and Subaru look down on themselves and try to solve things on their own. It's why she makes them promise to call on her if they need help. But she's also correct in another way: they both have selfish wishes and they're hurting everyone around them for the sake of those wishes. Subaru is hurting people on an emotional level by pursuing death, while Kamui is inadvertently getting people injured and killed for the sake of rescuing Fuuma. The message is clear: if these two could let go of their one "wish" they could finally move on to other possibilities and would be far more effective at saving the world. It's a cruel irony that CLAMP made their kindest character and their hero the most emotionally compromised and the most inadvertently selfish. It's also a little unfortunate that kindness and hope seem to get trampled on so much in this series, but that's a whole separate issue.

Yuzuriha also leaves Subaru with a parting gift and, honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if she reminds him of his sister just a bit.

The cherry blossoms definitely bring Seishirou to mind as well as Subaru's wish for death, but it also makes me think of Hokuto as well, especially the rabbit plush. It just seems like something she would do. Regardless, Subaru still hasn't moved on.

Kamui engages in yet another battle with Fuuma, which actually goes worse than the last one. Sorata and Arashi aren't as timely as Subaru had been (Dragons of Heaven must simply be able to sense when Kamui is in trouble because they also were no where nearby. Alternatively, Hinoto is just telling them stuff). Fuuma is saying something about eating Kamui's heart. We could put this down as him being a general creep, but there's usually a double meaning with him. Perhaps one of Kamui's wishes is that he just didn't feel anything at all...?

All of this eventually brings us to our next Kamui and Subaru scene. This one has a very quiet, intimate vibe to it, probably on account of it not taking place in a hospital but what I think is Kamui's room?

Kamui has some pretty serious injuries this time around, and we learn that Subaru stayed with him the entire time, just as Kamui did for him at the hospital.

Actually, these two seem a lot closer than they did previously. Is it simply because of Subaru losing his eye? Did that open up a new level of compassion between one another? Was there more off-screen development? My guess is it’s mostly the former, but the latter is a distinct possibility with the way things have been going.

What is plain is that these two are always supporting each other in times of crisis. Not always physically, but emotionally. Subaru in particular is always there to counsel Kamui on whatever issue he wants to discuss while Kamui reminds Subaru that people actually do care about him and Kamui is one of those people.

“And yet, despite all that, I still can’t abandon Fuuma.”

Honestly, I think even Kamui is beginning to wonder if his wish is really worth it. He’s losing all the people he cares about in this pursuit. I genuinely think if Subaru had told him to rethink things here, he might have, because he trusts him and his wish has gotten him absolutely nothing so far.

Unfortunately, Subaru isn’t exactly in a great place to be telling people they need to rethink their life choices, so he doesn’t. Instead, he tries to be encouraging, which is both kind and misguided.

This is a level of emotional and physical intimacy that we just don’t see between any of the nonromantic relationships in this series. It’s actually more touch focused than a great deal of Arashi and Sorata’s interactions and those two actually have a very close emotional connection that develops into a sexual relationship later on in the series, so I have a hard time believing I’m supposed to read this scene as entirely platonic.

But what Subaru is saying is important, even if I think it’s a philosophy that manages to get both him and Kamui into trouble. “Happiness” is basically satisfaction or completion in this context. It’s not necessarily joy. Subaru is essentially telling Kamui that, yes, his wish may be selfish but it’s his. If it is the only thing that can satisfy him, he must pursue it.

Kamui makes no further comment on his own wish; he’s latched onto Subaru’s once more and is bringing Seishirou up yet again. Subaru appears surprised, perhaps because Kamui saw right through him or perhaps because Kamui’s interest in the subject has been so pointed, but he says “yes.”

I really do think Kamui was looking for something from Subaru here that he didn’t quite get. I genuinely believe he’s trying to get confirmation on whether his path is correct or not, but Subaru doesn’t really give him an answer. When that doesn't work, he tries to figure out if Seishirou is really the only thing that can bring Subaru satisfaction, which reveals this is yet another thing that's been on his mind.

That is not acceptance or understanding on Kamui’s face. That is something a little closer to sadness, disappointment, or possibly even anger. He is not pleased with this answer.

There are a lot of layers happening with this conversation and a lot of insinuations, but none of it is ever just laid out for us to see. What seems relatively straightforward to me is that Kamui wishes Subaru would let Seishirou go. He isn’t content with Seishirou being the answer to Subaru’s wish, but he also can’t bring himself to criticize it either. After all, that would be pretty hypocritical; Kamui can’t selfishly pursue his own wish while simultaneously asking Subaru to give up his own for Kamui, but I think there’s a part of Kamui that genuinely wants that to happen.

It also reveals that Kamui does have doubts about the path he's chosen. He never says it outright--he's always vocally determined to save Fuuma--but he's looking to Subaru for guidance on this issue. Not anyone else. Subaru.

So no, Kamui can't reveal that he's unsure about his wish; it's what bonded him and Subaru in the first place. Likewise, he can't ask Subaru to rethink his own wish. What really needs to happen for these two is for them both to give up their current wish to pursue … whatever this is. I’ve talked a lot about Kamui’s feelings for Subaru, but Subaru definitely holds affection for Kamui as well. There would be no reason to hold his hand that way otherwise. And there’s no way Subaru isn’t aware of the parallels; he is definitely occupying a similar role to Seishirou in Tokyo Babylon, that odd mix of mentor and potential love interest. The obvious difference being that Subaru isn’t a psychopathic killer.

Anyway, Sorata and Arashi once again interrupt their odd bonding moment and it’s incredible how swiftly the mood in the room changes. Subaru physically moves away from Kamui, stands at a more respectable distance, and Kamui turns his attention to everyone else. It definitely feels like they aren’t trying to advertise their emotional connection or their problems. Kamui becomes the leader and Subaru becomes another Dragon of Heaven.

Subaru eventually returns to his side when Kamui enters a dream state with Hinoto while the others are there, but he doesn’t say anything further. It’s interesting that Sorata has no issue with hugging Kamui or putting an arm around him when others are around, but Subaru does. Of course, Sorata is simply more demonstrative than Subaru on any given day, but it does feel like quite a stark contrast.

It looks like several days go by between that visit and their next one. Kamui is mostly recovered and heading back to school.

This is so subtle it’s very easy to miss–I did the first couple of times–but Kamui just finished buttoning up his shirt here. He is not inspecting his scars like I initially thought.

How long has Subaru been there? They’re pretty obviously in the middle of a conversation; he didn’t just arrive. It kind of suggests Kamui just… got dressed in front of him, which is definitely a shift. Their general attitudes towards each other are quite different from before as well. The opening panel above shows both of them as seeming more confident than before.

I’m not sure I believe anything untoward happened between them because that would be a pretty drastic shift in dynamics, but if there ever was a point in this series where something more physically intimate occurred (not necessarily anything sexual mind you), it's probably the unseen precursor to this scene. It's CLAMP, so... I guess what I'm saying is that I sometimes just don't know with them. XD

Regardless, all of this reveals, however subtly, a side to their relationship that doesn’t get a whole lot of focus. Namely, all that off-screen bonding I was talking about earlier.

Some of their comfort level is no doubt from the situation being less bleak in general of course. That usually helps.

And then there’s all of this:

Kamui's left arm is giving him a lot more trouble than his right. That explains why he was buttoning up his shirt with just the one previously. But he appears thoughtful, maybe a bit sad, as Subaru helps him with his tie. A lot of that has to do with him not knowing where Yuzuriha is–she could be in grave danger–but I also think some of it has to do with Subaru and Kamui’s feelings toward him. I think it’s safe to say things have entered “complicated” territory. They have a relationship that's incredibly close, but no matter how close Kamui gets to him, there's always a barrier there.

There's also the fact that Kamui always feels guilty when he's incapable of something, so even something as simple as needing help with his tie could be causing him some distress.

So much of what goes on between these two is unspoken. Subaru helping him with his tie is something that doesn’t have to be romantic, but it is a frequently used trope used to demonstrate trust and care, usually between two people who are already together.

If Seishirou and Subaru’s relationship reached it’s culmination after Seishirou lost an eye, I think it’s safe to say that Subaru and Kamui’s is following a similar trajectory, only Subaru didn’t immediately turn on Kamui. Instead, they have time to explore things in a way Subaru never did with Seishirou, whatever that may mean.

Subaru moves things into safer waters from Yuzuriha’s disappearance to Keiichi. He says he will be glad to see Kamui back in school and that he asked Subaru every day if he was all right.

Now, I mentioned earlier that Keiichi definitely thought Subaru and Kamui had something going on and felt he might be stealing Kamui away, but what does Subaru think of Keiichi?

I'd say "curious" but supportive and completely unconcerned about any competition. Honestly, Subaru doesn't strike me as the jealous type, so even if there is something between him and Kamui, I don't think he'd stop Kamui from pursuing something with anyone else. Subaru wouldn't consider himself a great choice; he thinks he's selfish after all.

This is the last normal moment Kamui and Subaru have before Subaru's final confrontation with Seishirou.

I feel relatively safe in the assumption that Subaru was going to say "like you." This is before he even becomes the Sakurazukamori, but he now considers himself selfish and he can't move on from his past whatsoever. He's also lost some of the empathy he had when he was younger; he's definitely kind, but he isn't willing to give everything up for others. He's arguably taken on Seishirou's role with Kamui as well, which I'm sure he has mixed feelings about. And ultimately, he and Seishirou share the same wish: to be killed by the person they love. So, yes, Subaru is definitely different from how he used to be.

It's after Seishirou dies that Subaru really snaps in the series. He was struggling to get by for the majority of it, but this really does it. It’s notable that even now, Kamui restrains himself.

Kamui always holds himself back when it comes to matters involving both Subaru and Seishirou. He never tells Subaru what he thinks of his wish and he doesn’t know how to help him. I think a lot of his resistance to actively reaching out to Subaru on this matter, both physically and emotionally, is out of a misguided sense of respect for him. Subaru knows what he wants and did a great deal for Kamui; Kamui tries to return the favor by giving him distance, but I think distance was the wrong thing to give Subaru. He needs to be dragged into the now and he needs to be reminded that people care. That's a lot to take on though, so I can't blame Kamui for not knowing what to do, especially when he's looking to Subaru for guidance. He doesn't feel like he can take on that role.

Their final parting is tough to watch.

I think this time, Kamui actually is worried Subaru might hate him, because for the first time he’s actually “disrespected” Subaru’s wish. He didn’t let him die with Seishirou when the bridge collapsed. He saved him and that goes against everything Subaru has wanted for the last nine years.

But once again, Subaru misunderstands and I think there’s a part of Subaru that simply can’t accept that Kamui cares for him as a person. He’s stopped caring about himself, so he doesn’t connect the very obvious dots in front of him.

Subaru: You don’t need to worry about me. I’m not going to fall apart.

It could be this is just how Subaru deflects. Rather than discuss what’s really bothering him, he tries to treat Kamui like a leader who is talking to his subject, but that simply isn’t the relationship they ever had, least of all now.

Once again, Kamui gets to the heart of the matter; Subaru is thinking of Seishirou. Everything he's done is for Seishirou, and it's now very apparent Kamui simply can't accept that. He's sorry for it, he knows that if he really wanted to "respect" Subaru he would have let him die, but he couldn't do it.

Even now, Subaru is still trying to explain things to Kamui and still trying to comfort him to a limited degree; Subaru’s not exactly at his best right now, though and it's all pretty dejected. Despite having his wish denied, he doesn't blame Kamui. As he points out a little bit later, some wishes collide. He doesn't hold it against Kamui, though.

Kamui brings up the cigarettes again and this implies the whole thing is still bugging him and that he simply doesn’t understand Subaru’s motivations.

It’s interesting that our only previous glimpse into how Kamui feels about Subaru showed Subaru as being above him, yet reaching out to bring him closer. Here, Kamui literally sits on his knees before him so that Subaru is hovering over him, almost like a king with his subject, and Subaru is metaphorically reaching out to Kamui in an effort to explain himself so that Kamui might understand him.

Subaru explains everything, and essentially tells him he will never understand Seishirou now, never know what he really thought.

I think it’s safe to say that Kamui is feeling similarly about Subaru at the moment--he doesn't feel like he understands him nor does he understand what he's thinking--and once again Subaru is taking Seishirou’s role in a very roundabout way, albeit in a kinder fashion. But there's no doubt that Kamui is giving Subaru power here. Everything about their posture and conversation indicates that. While Subaru sometimes tries to treat Kamui like a leader either as a way of deflecting or because he actually believes that's the right way to handle things, we see here that Kamui absolutely views Subaru as the person with the wisdom and authority to determine things. Maybe not about the fate of the world, that's Kamui's duty, but as far as giving directions? As far as getting a say in what happens next? Absolutely.

And once again, Kamui is looking for something from Subaru he can’t give: he’s asking if what he’s pursuing is “right” and if he should change. Subaru is being given the power to change Kamui’s course and I don’t think he even realizes it.

While looking at their progression, I really think some of Kamui’s steadfast determination to save Fuuma is partially because of how Subaru keeps affirming this belief for him. There were at least two big moments where Subaru could have nudged him in a different direction, but he didn’t take it. Instead, he tries to be encouraging, although this time it’s definitely more fatalistic. Subaru doesn't understand the influence he has over Kamui and that is one of their biggest miscommunications in the series.

Even as lost as Subaru is currently, he still cares about Kamui. He wants him to focus on his own desires, not on him, and he wants him to take care of himself. The problem is that he’s completely missing the fact that Kamui relies on him, cares about him, and would do a lot better if Subaru stayed in some capacity. Instead, he disappears for a month.

Needless to say, Subaru is very much on his mind throughout his absence and Kamui still can't make a kekkai. He thinks about how everyone has something they want to protect, and that's why they can make one. His thoughts lead him right back to Subaru.

This is the person he's thinking about the most while he's visiting Kotori. This is the person he wants to return. And we actually get to see what it is Kamui actually wants for a change:

I don't know if this is the wish Kamui hasn't realized but it's definitely a wish: he wants Subaru to come back. He wants to go out and look for him. He wants Subaru to be capable of caring for someone other than the Sakurazukamori. The implication is that he wants to be important enough to Subaru for him to come back.

Just as Subaru wanted to be important enough to Seishirou for him to acknowledge him, so too does Kamui wish he were important enough for Subaru to do the same.

Kamui continues with "The people I most wanted to protect were Kotori and Fuuma. But Kotori is gone. And now all I want is to get Fuuma back. But... I still can't create a kekkai."

Fuuma is watching this moment through the dreamscape and has this input:

So, protecting Fuuma isn’t his real wish. What is? The only other thing he was thinking about was Subaru, but even I hesitate to say that’s the ultimate wish. I definitely think it's an important, unrealized wish all the same, however. As for Kamui's real wish, I’ve been assuming it was he'd chosen a different side so Fuuma could be spared or possibly that he had died instead of Kotori. CLAMP makes it hard to say for sure.

Anyhow, we finally see where Subaru’s been hiding out for a month plus: the Sakurazukamori’s house. I’m not entirely sure how he found it, but there it is.

Also, Seishirou’s final wish is about as messed up as you’d expect.

Wow, we get weird eye stuff and a dose of stalker possessiveness. 8D CLAMP outdid themselves. I can't even...

And as if that wasn't enough, we get this:

D-do I even want to know what that means? The context of this is incredibly bizarre. He’s talking about how Seishirou was upset another man hurt Subaru. The only person that’s been hurting Kamui is him.

Am I supposed to assume Fuuma wants to prevent anyone else from leaving any kind of mark on Kamui? Is that supposed to be a reference to an actual person? The only person I could think of is Subaru as far as who's been interacting with him, and I’m not actually sure that makes sense. 8D Is he talking about the original Fuuma? He’s jealous of himself? Or possibly even Kotori? Or am I supposed to assume Fuuma just wants to mark Kamui as his with another freaky eye exchange? CLAMP… Why…

Anyway, Subaru takes the eye because he’s been making a series of bad decisions and he isn’t about to let up now.

The next time we see Subaru, he has decided to do nothing, which is basically what he’d decided to do beforehand, only now he has Seishirou’s eye and is willing to watch events unfold. We see that there’s a little tension between him and Fuuma, which is… hardly surprising all things considered.

It’s interesting that Fuuma says Seishirou has been very selfish when it comes to Subaru. That would be pretty obvious to the audience, but Subaru is surprised by this assessment. Seishirou is preventing Subaru from achieving his “wish,” i.e. death and he’s also preventing him from connecting with other people. That’s the height of selfishness.

It is strange hearing this from Fuuma when he is being equally awful, however, which is probably why Subaru points out that wishes are something only Fuuma knows to begin with in what can only be described as an annoyed fashion.

We know Subaru has been on Kamui’s mind (a lot) and it looks like Kamui has been on Subaru’s as well.

Subaru does care about Kamui is the thing, which is why it's doubly strange seeing him as a Dragon of Earth. He doesn't want Kamui hurt, but he claims he's not going to be involved. Can that really be the case if he genuinely cares about someone on the opposite side?

Interestingly, he avoids the subject. He's always been private when it comes to Kamui and it looks like that isn't about to change here, especially when he's talking to the man who has tormented him so much.

The next time Kamui sees Subaru is in the midst of battle with Fuuma and Kamui definitely feels betrayed.

Subaru's presence here is a little strange and I think the only reason he's shown up at all is because he cares about Kamui, just like Fuuma said. He's not showing it in the best way, but...

At long last, Subaru tells Kamui what he needed to hear ages ago and using the opportunity he's been given many times, but never used. Kamui needs to rethink some things and saving Fuuma isn’t what he really wants.

And the thing is, Kamui listens. The final chapter ends with Kamui remembering Karen’s words and finally trying to piece together what might actually be going on and it’s all because Subaru finally stepped in and offered an actual opinion. That's the level of influence Subaru has over Kamui and I'm still not sure Subaru has figured that out.

So, how would things have progressed with Subaru and Kamui after all this? Obviously, there’s no way to say for sure. If CLAMP wanted to draw the final parallel between the Subaru/Seishirou relationship and the Subaru/Kamui relationship, then it’s quite possible Subaru will die at Kamui’s hands. Another possible parallel is that one of them realizes they love the other, but only when it's too late. But the thing is, while there are parallels between these relationships, their differences are far more profound and these two never had the kind of relationship where one would ever want to kill the other.

Even with Subaru’s betrayal, I doubt Kamui wants to see harm come to him; he’s still looking to him for guidance and support. He no doubt wants Subaru to come back. It's what he's been wanting ever since he left.

Rather than Kamui killing Subaru, it’s much more likely Subaru would sacrifice himself for Kamui, possibly as his final wish. It’s also possible Subaru decides to rejoin the Dragons of Heaven because there really isn’t any reason he has to be with the Dragons of Earth? He’s not a fan of Fuuma, he has no attachment to the people there. He’s just there for the sake of Seishirou’s memory. Undoubtedly there would be some conversation(s) between Subaru and Kamui even with them being on opposite sides. This wasn't supposed to be the final battle; Kamui doesn't die here. For all we know, that sword Fuuma's been holding up for years never strikes Kamui; it could hit someone that flings themselves in front of Kamui or it could be blocked or any number of things. But it isn't the end.

Furthermore, there's still the matter of Kamui learning to make a kekkai. It would be very strange if CLAMP never gave him a reason to create one. The issue Kamui is having is that the people he wanted to protect in the world are already gone. He needs some other reason or person to create a kekkai. This means he needs to realize an attachment to a person he didn't realize he had. I'm just saying, Subaru is a good choice for that.

And like Kamui, I have to wonder if there’s anything out there Subaru would be willing to protect. The likeliest candidate is Kamui himself.

Now, I would personally like a much happier ending to this manga than I think we were likely to get, but whatever the ending, I don’t think CLAMP was going to drop the exploration they had going of Kamui and Subaru’s relationship. It didn’t dominate the series, but it also got a lot more focus than they needed to give it. It was important and it was unique and I think their bond could have continued to grow if the world had been a little kinder to them and if they’d both been willing to move on a little sooner.

And that’s all for now. This turned out to be very long. I will now proceed to content myself with writing more fanfic. 8D

#long post #x1999 #x #subkam #ship manifesto #subkam ship manifesto #sumeragi subaru #shirou kamui #Bemused's post #This took so much time...#I really hope the pictures loaded in correctly 8D

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