#it's like a prequel to std

[yours-the-author]

Stickmintober 2024 Day 10: Reference

Seeing as how all of my comics are just references to other, better media, I decided to do a different sort of reference for today instead. Once Mayor Fredrickson remembers that he's trying to actively sabotage the security team in order to steal the diamond, he hires Dave on the spot!

Why is Dave wearing a Pokeball hat to an interview? Sadly, it's the nicest hat he owns, and if I didn't give him a hat, he wouldn't be Dave! ...I guess it's kind of like if the nicest clothes you had were a cosplay, so you had to wear that to your interview to at least look put together.

I don't think Dave lives with his parents at this point in time, but West Mesa certainly isn't going to give him a good reference, so his options were limited.

If only getting a decent job was this easy...

[lovedrunkheadcanons]

SFW: Fluff, cuteness, comfort, interracial relationship, protective Satoru, established relationship, marriage, husband+wife, love conquers all.

⚠️WARNINGS: History, racial discrimination, racial slurs, mentions of racism, race relations, interracial marriage, foreigners, Imperialist Japan, isolationism, comfort women, Lucie Blackman, the Rape of Nanjing, rape, murder, sexual exploitation.

Prequel: Gojo Takes a Wife (also on AO3).

Footnotes on AO3

“They are disgusting.”

…

“All she wants from you is a green card.”

…

“You sellout. You married a white dog.”

…

“Wouldn't you rather date someone of your own race?”

…

Satoru took his time reading the insults underneath the enlarged black and white photographs, snorting at one couple’s caption, “Let me know if you need a bigger dick.” The portrait showed an asian man and a white woman holding hands, their faces unsmiling. How absurd. Only an insecure loser with a tiny penis would say something that stupid. He then looked to his right to see another photograph of a white woman wearing a sari next to her husband, maybe Indian or Bangladeshi, with their young son. “I hope he is born with a turban on,” it read “I hope he is born with STD's.” Okay, that one had him cringing. Yikes.

Donna Pinckley was an American photographer whose work mainly focused on racial issues within the American South. Her most famous project “Sticks and Stones” had garnered worldwide attention and had officially made its Japanese debut in Tokyo. In each photograph she would have an interracial couple stand in the center and underneath would have them write disparaging comments they had received from someone in real life. “I want the viewer to look at the portrait first and then look down and see the writing,” Pinckley explained. “I want them to see how beautiful and how much they love each other first.”

Kumari and Ichiro had already toured the gallery earlier that week and had told Hannah all about it, insisting she go. So for the last few days his wife had been begging him to take her. “It’s important we see it, Satoru,” were her exact words. “Please?”

Important? Well, how could he argue with that? Happy wife, happy life, right? He decided to take her on St. Valentine's Day, fittingly enough, but apparently he wasn’t the only one.

Satoru looked around the gallery to see the many newcomers; an Iranian man linked arm-in-arm with a Korean women, speaking to her in a mix between English and Persian; A Chinese woman and her Vietnamese girlfriend snapping a cute pic together on a bench near the drinking fountain; An elderly Japanese husband lovingly zipping his French wife’s coat, her hands painfully bent with arthritis, before they both journeyed back outside in the cold. All of them had come to see Pinckley’s work. Perhaps as a mark of solidarity.

As it were, Japan was a largely homogenous country, meaning most people formed friendships, worked together with, and married other Japanese. In Tokyo the chances of running into a foreigner were higher than most, but slim. Satoru could recall on multiple occasions when he’d been mistaken for a foreigner, with his striking blue eyes and snow white hair. That’s usually how people envisioned gaijin; someone of Caucasian or European descent; fair skin, blue eyes, light colored hair. Anyone a shade darker, a kokujin, might (but very seldom) be met with suspicion or open hostility. The subject made Satoru curious and not long after he was married, he had begun reading about gaijin baseball players and what it was like playing in Japan during the 80’s and early 90’s.

Their experiences were not always positive.

Leron Lee was a gifted baseball prodigy from sunny Sacramento, California. Shortly after high school, he was scouted by the St. Louis Cardinals, later making his Major League debut with the Redbirds at age 21. Things seemed great at the start. The Major Leagues were seen as the epitome of baseball, except Lee was confronted with an unexpected problem. He kept getting traded and the coaches continuously benched him. Why? Because there was always someone better, faster, or stronger to place in the starting lineup, and as a result Lee had gotten kicked to the curb. It reached the point where he was receiving little to no playing time, and make no mistake, Lee wanted to play. So he took a gamble, and after eight seasons playing baseball in the U.S, 29 year old Lee grabbed his passport and boarded a plane for Kawasaki, Japan to join the Lotte Orions’ organization.

His debut season in 1977 as an Orion was met with huge success, leading the entire league with 34 home runs and 109 RBIs, but Lee would soon face a second problem. The Nippon Professional Baseball league did not want their star player to be a black man, so as to maintain the “Japaneseness” of the league, as they put it. After winning the batting title in 1980. “Only five people in the Lotte organization congratulated me, “ Lee would go on to say. “The following spring when they gave me my silver bat for being the batting champion, they did it in the clubhouse. No presentation at home plate in front of the fans. They just handed it to me. They seemed ashamed.” This, and the hurl of racial epithets the drunken crowds would fling at him whenever Lee struck out or made a bad play. Any sense of complaining was taken as a show of weakness. In all his years donning the Orion’s uniform, Lee would receive no brand endorsements and had to pay for his own equipment out of pocket. Nevermind that he was one of the few gaijin players who bothered to master the Japanese language while taking considerable salary cuts. Not even his white teammates did that.

It wasn’t all bad of course. Despite these setbacks, Lee liked living in Japan and had no regrets about moving there. He even invited his younger brother to play in the NPB for a short time. (It’s worth noting that Lee also married outside his race; a Japanese woman who once served as his translator. They would go on to have two children together, both girls).

Since his retirement in 1987, a lot had changed in the NPB and how they treated their gaijin players, but that same attitude couldn't be said about Japan’s views on foreigners as a whole (at least not yet).

In 2000, the disappearance and horrendous murder of Lucie Blackman would make front page news on practically every Japanese outlet, and the world, bringing down one of the country’s most infamous serial rapists in the process. Lucie Blackman, an English national and former flight attendant, arrived in Tokyo during the summer of 2000. To make a little extra money, she and a friend each got gigs working as hostesses for a Roppongi nightclub, a job that was similar to a modern day geisha, albeit with less elegance, but less degrading than stripping (or prostitution for that matter, which is still illegal). Many foreign women, most traveling on tourist visas, would take hostessing jobs. Ostensibly, they were hired to entice men inside the club and have them order as many rounds as possible. This also provided a not so subtle way for Japanese men to strike conversation and interact with foreign women, especially white women. A natural blonde with long legs and blue eyes, Lucie Blackman exotic beauty surely wetted many men’s appetites and caught the attention of unwanted admirers. One of whom would be her rapist and killer.

Under the law, it was illegal to work in Japan with only a tourist visa, leaving many foreign women vulnerable to exploitation and blackmail. Such was the case with Lucie Blackman, and because she was a foreigner, her disappearance wasn’t taken seriously at first, but when the British Embassy got word, the story caused a considerable uproar back home in England. Where is Lucie? Who could've done this? Why aren’t the Japanese authorities doing more? Is she even alive?

It wouldn’t be until the following year, February 9, 2001, that her body was recovered. Autopsy showed that Lucie had been drugged and repeatedly raped, before being viciously murdered. Once dead, her body had been hacked to pieces and left inside a cave encased in concrete. Obara Joji, a wealthy businessman, and frequent visitor of many foreign-filled nightclubs, was charged of rape and manslaughter and sentenced to life imprisonment. However, despite swaths of evidence, prosecutors could not prove without a reasonable doubt that Obara was Lucie’s killer. Investigators would later find that not only had Obara likely raped Lucie Blackman, but possibly more than a hundred other foreign women for almost a decade without being caught. All of them, hostesses. Most of them, white.

Lucie’s tragic murder brought to light many atrocities involving foreign women and the Japanese hostess industry. However, the real questions on everyone’s mind were these: Why was her disappearance not taken seriously from the beginning? And how did a man, who had been arrested previously on charges of sexual assault, manage to get away with drugging and rapping innocent women for nearly ten years? Satoru didn’t have an answer. Thankfully, progress was being made. “Human trafficking” was now part of the Japanese lexicon and most people were very welcoming of foreigners regardless of race or nationality, especially ones like Hannah who knew the language and were respectful of the culture, but every now and then you’d encounter some right-wing kook who believed every outlandish conspiracy the Sankei Shimbun wrote, and brought it upon themselves to ruin life for everybody. Satoru wouldn’t forget the day he witnessed that reality for himself, and not at the hands of the jujutsu elite.

It was November, 2015. Hannah wanted to go for a late breakfast in Tokyo, and between teaching and missions, Satoru greatly favored the idea. It had been a while since he had spent time with his wife. So, he chose a restaurant neither of them had visited before, but unbeknownst to them, the restaurant was run by a certain…group of people.

“Sorry, your girlfriend can’t come in here.”

Satoru’s eyes narrowed at the wrinkly old man guarding the entrance. “She’s not my girlfriend, gramps. Mind telling me why my wife can’t come in?”

The man drew a puff from his cigarette and tapped on a sign placed near the doorway.

NO FOREIGNERS ALLOWED.

Satoru’s glare worsened. “What if she’s not a foreigner?”

The old man gave a chortling laugh and spat at the ground. “If she wasn’t born here, she’s a foreigner. Plain and simple.”

That riled Satoru’s anger.

“The hell? How is that even legal?”

“Hey, twerp. Don’t look at me,” the man said, showing him his hands. “I just do what I’m told. It’s not my job to make the rules. Only follow them.”

“What did you just call me, old man?”

Satoru took a threatening step forward, heatedly removing his glasses to reveal his glacial blue eyes.

Hannah, wishing to avoid conflict, quickly grabbed Satoru’s arm and got between him and the old man, bowing deeply.

“Please excuse my husband’s rudeness and for informing us of the rules. We will take our leave now. Have a nice day.”

Her Japanese was flawless as she said it. No accent or mispronunciation to be had. Absolute perfection. Even the old man seemed visibly impressed, but didn’t dare voice it out loud and breathed out another puff from his cigarette.

Satoru was still fuming about it as they walked hand in hand down the street.

“‘No foreigners allowed?’ That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard. Why has no one notified their representative? If it were me, I would’ve taught that guy a lesson or phoned a lawyer. How’re you not mad?”

“He was simply doing his job, Satoru. I’m sure he’s not like that outside of work.”

Satoru abruptly stopped walking and tugged his wife’s hand, pulling her to him so they were facing each other. He hadn’t put his glasses back on.

“That’s not an excuse, Hannah.” He veered her off to the side and cupped her flushed cheeks, speaking tenderly. “The sun and moon cannot light up a crooked hole. This is your home — Heck, you voted in the election for cryin’ out loud, and your Japanese is better than most. You’re not an outsider.” His forehead connected to hers, tracing her lips with his thumb. “Not to me.”

Gojo Hannah offered him a sad smile. The kind that said, ‘I sympathize with you wholeheartedly, but I’ll say nothing more on the matter.’ With deft fingers, she reached up to rewrap the tartan red scarf around his neck - a birthday present she had gifted him last year - and stood on her tippy toes to give him a reassuring kiss.

“Come on then, you big sod, let’s go to Jade5. I remember how much we liked their pancakes.”

Hannah was willing to forgive and forget the whole encounter ever happened.

Satoru, not so much.

That was the only time his wife had ever been denied access somewhere for being a foreigner, but the Six Eyes wielder was no fool. He knew his country was not a garden full of cherry trees. The old isolationist mindset had not vanished off these shores. While it may not have profited off a global slave trade, or segregated whites from blacks, Japan was not without sins. She had committed heinous crimes in the past. Ask the Koreans how their women were treated in the midst of Japanese occupation. Or the Chinese when the Imperial Army laid siege upon Nanjing. Their contempt wasn't without justifiable cause. And with that came national and ethnic animosity on both sides. Still, to this day.

Satoru had learned much since becoming a married man. Although, that didn’t make him ‘colorblind’ of the situation. Colorblind, he thought. What a half-baked idea. While it was likely drawn from good intent, Satoru saw nothing wrong with pointing out someone’s physical characteristics. It only became an issue when it was used as a vehicle for discrimination. Hannah was English-European. She had auburn hair, hazel eyes, fair skin, and a faint dusting of freckles. She was clearly foreign, anyone with eyes could see that, but it didn’t prompt Satoru to go up to people and say, “Sorry, folks. This is a decoy. I leave my Japanese wife at home to do the cleaning.” No. Hannah was his wife, his one and only. If people didn’t like it, then that was their problem. And to be perfectly clear, most held zero qualms about their relationship. They had more prescient matters on their minds like global warming, the suicide rate, or the aging population.

Having enough of his musings, Satoru stopped skimming the rows of photographs and looked around the art gallery for his wife. He saw her standing down the hall in front of a portrait; a white man and his Japanese fiance.

“They're like us, Satoru,” she said as he came to join her.

“Yeah.” He wrapped an arm around his bride and held her close. “They sure are.”

Those idiots could cast their sticks and stones all they liked.

Their love was stronger than their hate.

[butterflyintochains]

The Anatomy of A Nervous Breakdown

Before Gabriella Lemieux met her wonderful boyfriends, she was with someone else. For three and a bit years. Hotshot Montreal soccer player - Antoine Gauthier. But, this relationship was not built to last. The breakdown in the relationship came fast, and unexpectedly. Leading to Gabriella's mental breakdown in mid to late 2022 and early 2023.

A sort of prequel to 'Best With Three'.

TW: cheating, pregnancy, major depression and anxiety, anger, mentions of STDs, mentions of self-harm, panic attacks. The works.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Montreal, Spring 2022

The tournament didn't go entirely to plan, but Gabriella is happy to have made it as far as she did. Miami has always been one of her favourite places to play tennis in, with loads of Canadian fans there too. She lands back on home soil in Montreal, ready for a couple of weeks off to rest and get ready for the upcoming clay season. she's adamant that she will master clay at some point in her career, hopefully this season. Her boyfriend is meant to pick her up from the airport, as he always does when she gets home from tournaments. Gabriella gets her bags, and goes through security. She finds the Tim Hortons he always waits at, but he's not there, so she calls him. ''Antoine, where are you? I've just landed.''

Antoine says, sounding anxious about something. ''Something came up with the team, I'm so sorry, mon etoile.''

Gabriella is frustrated, but they're both athletes, so she does understand that these things happen sometimes. ''Okay, that's fine. I'll get an Uber.''

She calls for an Uber, and waits outside with a coffee. The driver picks her up, she loads her stuff into the trunk of the car, and jumps in. She gives him the address of her apartment, and they get driving. Gabriella watches the city blow past them, she always misses Montreal when she's away. They desperately need more tournaments in Canada. She has no idea which they'd be replacing, or when they'd be scheduled for. They arrive outside her building, Gabriella pays for the ride. ''Merci beaucoup!'' She says.

The driver says, helping her with her stuff. ''Pas de quoi, mademoiselle Lemieux.''

Gabriella takes the elevator up to their apartment, longing for a good night's sleep with her boyfriend. He's probably home already, and cooking dinner for them. She fumbles for her key, and unlocks the door, stepping back inside. Antoine isn't there, maybe still busy with the meeting he's at? Oh, well, that's fine. She ducks into the bathroom to jump in the shower, but the thing she sees on the counter makes her blood run cold.

A six week positive pregnancy test. Gabriella hasn't been home in four weeks, and you can't tell at two weeks pregnant. So, this can't be hers. She'd know if she was pregnant, right? So, that leads her to the inevitable conclusion. Antoine has been cheating on her. Probably for quite some time. Not even needing to think, she begins packing his stuff up, he's not staying here anymore. They're done. Once done with that, she dumps his stuff by the elevator with a note and the stick.

Antoine, Get your stuff, and get out of my life. I know what you did, you know what you did. I hope it was worth it. I never want to see you again, and I hope that child isn't yours. Leave your key at the door, do not come in here, I'm taking you off the lease. Gabriella.

She returns to her apartment, and locks all four of their locks. The main one, the chain, and the two dead bolts. Then, she curls up on the sofa, shaking like a leaf, sobbing in silence. Outside, she hears him, he bangs on the door. ''Gabby, Gabby, let me in! You don't understand! Gabby, please, let me in, I can explain!''

Silently, Gabriella picks her phone up, and calls Richard. The building manager is a kind man, and cares about her. ''Richard, can you come up to 36, please? Antoine has knocked someone else up, get rid of him please.''

Richard says, sounding concerned for her. ''Okay, sit tight, I'm on my way.''

He comes up quickly, and dispatches Antoine with ease, he knocks on the door. ''Gabriella, it's Richard, can I come in?'' Slowly, Gabriella brings herself to get up, and unlock the door, she collapses into his arms, sobbing loudly. ''Are you safe? Do you want me to call anyone?'' Gabriella shakes her head. ''No, no, it's fine. Just, take him off the lease for me.'' She can more than afford this place on her own, with her earnings and sponsorship money.

After that, Gabriella goes for her shower, and lies down on the sofa. Feeling like her heart has been ripped out of her chest. Three years, not a perfect three years, but still.

The next day, she wakes up at eleven, later than usual. She instantly thinks of her next steps. She was due to go to Germany soon, but she can't face it anymore. So, she calls Camille. ''Camille, can you withdraw me from Stuttgart, please?''

Her agent says. ''Of course, darling, why?'' Why indeed. How does she explain this? ''Antoine cheated on me. Mental Health grounds.'' Camille sounds grief stricken for her. ''Oh, my little bird, I am so sorry.''

Gabriella's voice breaks. ''I love you, Camille.'' Camille says, trying to sound calm herself. ''I love you too, little bird.'' She hangs up, and books an STD screening, getting an appointment for tomorrow at noon. He cheated on her, he got someone else pregnant. She gets another call while trying to eat some breakfast, this time from Daniel. ''Hey, kiddo, Cam just called me, he cheated on you?''

Gabriella bites her lip, drawing blood. ''Yeah, got his side-bitch pregnant too.''

Daniel asks her. ''How are you holding up?'' She isn't, but it did just happen yesterday. ''Not great, threw him out last night, have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, I wish I never met him.'' Daniel sighs, and says. ''I wish you never met him too, kiddo.''

Gabriella spends the whole day in silence, staring out the window at the city moving about below her. Her bags are still packed up from flying home from Miami, she can't be bothered to unpack them. Gabriella feels as though she's empty, like there's nothing left in her anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gabriella forces herself to get out of bed the next day for her doctor's appointment. This might just be the most humiliating thing she'll ever do. She finds some leggings, a tshirt, and one of her Lacoste hoodies. Those go on the bed while she washes her hair and face in the bathroom sink. She's been advised not to shower or eat before this appointment. But, she at least wants a fresh face and clean hair. She dresses, grabs her purse, and heads out to her car. She drives to the hospital, and checks in for her screening. A nurse comes to take her from the waiting room. ''Dr Bergeron is a gentleman, so don't worry, Miss Lemieux.'' The nurse, called Felicity, says.

Gabriella gives her a hollow smile, and says. ''Thank you, Felicity.'' She goes into the room, and sits in a chair. ''Oh, Felicity? Am I allowed water?'' She's clocked her throat getting dry.

Felicity nods. ''Of course, sit tight, I'll be right back.'' She goes away, and comes back with a bottle of water. ''Thank you.'' Dr Bergeron comes in, probably no older than her father. He closes the door, and draws a curtain. ''Gabriella Lemieux, yes?'' He asks, Gabriella nods. He sits down in the other chair, and asks her. ''An STD screening? Care to tell me what happened?''

Gabriella tells him everything, about Antoine cheating on her, about his side-piece being pregnant, and her throwing him out. He listens, and takes notes on his computer. ''I see, I'm glad you've come to me about this, so, let's get started.'' He does a smear sample, and a blood test. He also asks her about any symptoms she might be experiencing, and says. ''No symptoms, that's a good sign.'' He says to her. ''These samples will go off to the lab, and we'll have your results back in about a week, which we'll send you a letter about.'' He also recommends her therapy and mood stabilizers. Gabriella thinks about that as she drives home, she legally can't do the latter, a ban for doping would just make this worse. And, she doesn't have time for the former, the tour doesn't just stop for her. The only option she's got is to tennis her way out of this misery.

The next couple of days are quiet, spent almost in a haze of fear and dread for the results of her screening. She informs her family about Antoine's betrayal. She eats little, moves from the sofa even less, and barely sleeps. Why has this happened to her? Why did Antoine feel the need to do this? Why was she not enough for him? On the day she's due to get her test results, she gets a call from Felix. ''Hey, Angel, Daniel told us what happened.''

Gabriella says, voice empty. ''Yeah, got to keep the apartment, so that's something at least, right?''

Felix says, sounding deeply worried for her. ''Angel, he didn't deserve you.''

Gabriella scoffs, clearly he could have anyone he wanted, right? ''You know what, Oxford? I hope that brat isn't his, I hope he loves that child so much, like a father does, and I hope he learns it's not his. I hope that bitch has a very healthy birth, and is stuck with him forever.'' She vents her anger to Felix, the only one of her friends who she feels safe to do so with. She knows it's cruel to wish that on people, to blame them for this. But, Antoine and that bitch did this to her, right? She's lost everything because of them. They've lost nothing. So, what's the harm? After their call, she gets the results in hand from Richard. Negative for all infections, thank God.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Madrid, 2022

She had hoped a change of scenery would help her, help this pain to go away. Help her feel like herself again. She was wrong. She was still cheated on, for over a year according to what that bastard's idiot brother told her in his last call to her. His whole fucking family knew this was happening, they knew that bastard got his bitch pregnant, and said nothing. Those monsters watched her play in the US Open last year and everything. Gabriella wakes up at six in the morning, and laces her Nike running shoes up for a morning run. She'll go for a run, eat something, and hit the courts. Her match against Karolina Pliskova is this evening. She exits the hotel, and does her stretches. She gets going, headphones on, letting herself get lost for a while. She ends up running four kilometers, two away and two back. Gabriella orders breakfast to her hotel room, and eats quickly. Then, she gears up to hit the courts with Daniel. ''You already look spent, kiddo, are you okay?''

Gabriella winds her grip tape onto her racquets. ''I just went for a four kilometer run, but I'll be fine, let's get to work.'' He looks doubtful, he looks concerned about her. It kills her, that look he gives her. That worry he has. And, she doesn't even know how much longer she's got with him now, if Antoine can abandon her, who else can? Who's next to leave her?

She somehow wins her match in straight sets, and is elated to get into bed that night. But, that's when it comes back, the empty feeling. As with every night, she cries herself to sleep, hating herself for everything that's happened. If only she was enough for him, if only she was the perfect girlfriend. Maybe she'd still have him if she was different?

After her win against Yastremska, she's sitting up in her hotel room, with the TV on some Spanish soap opera for background noise. She's not paying any attention, mostly dozing between awake and sleeping. She vaguely registers a knock at her door, taking deep breaths, she goes to answer it. It's Team Canada. They always stick around to fly out together. ''Guys, I'm really tired.'' Gabriella says.

Leylah says, swanning into the room. ''That's why we're here, Angel.'' Gabriella rolls her eyes, and lets them all inside. Felix sits in a chair by the windows. ''You've changed, Angel.'' Felix says. Had she? She hasn't noticed. She hadn't registered the void where her soul once was. Gabriella bitterly cocks an eyebrow, sitting on her bed again. ''Ella, sissy, we know you're hurting, and we know why.'' Denis says, blue eyes kind, and Gabriella hates it. She hates how much they love her, because she doesn't deserve it, from anyone. ''Angel, we're your family, talk to us, please.'' Bianca pleads with her.

Gabriella says, voice hoarse from lack of use since her match. ''How long do I have left with you four?''

Denis is shaken by that, by his best friend's haunted expression, by the tears in her eyes, the panic in her voice. ''Angel, what...'' He begins to ask her. But, Gabriella says. ''Answer the question, please.''

Leylah says, trying to assure her. ''Ella, we're not him, we're not leaving you, ever. Remember the promise we all share together?'' Gabriella hasn't put stock in promises in weeks. Words are wind, words are weak. ''I do, Sunny, but he also made promises to me, and broke them all for a year.''

Felix locks eyes with her, sometimes the only one who can talk sense into the gang. ''How long have you been worrying about this?'' Gabriella says. ''Long enough for it to become all I dream about anymore.''

Bianca says, taking her shaking hands away from her arms, Gabriella hadn't noticed the blood until now. ''Ella, you are never going to lose us, any of us, we are a family, we love you. Whatever that asshole did to you, we never will. You will always have us.'' Gabriella wants to believe that so badly, and part of her does, but there's the evil voice in her head. ''We know about the baby, how long he was doing this to you, and the screening - Daniel told us.'' Denis says, Gabriella breaks down in tears, and says. ''He did this to me, and he gets to live freely, and I don't.'' She sobs, and says. ''It's not fair.''

Felix says, joining her on the bed. ''We know, it's not fair. But, we're here for you, and we're not going anywhere.''

The group go and grab their overnight stuff, and set about having a sleepover in Gabriella's room. Even pushing the beds together for extra room. The boys sleep on the outsides, Bianca beside Felix, Leylah beside Denis, and Gabriella in the middle. Too tired to stay awake, too empty to panic about anything, she finally gets some sleep. She doesn't know if she believes them, there's nothing stopping them from abandoning her, but she needs to cling to the last bits of hope she's got, right? Even if they're few and far between.

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Roland Garros, 2022

Well, that sucked, but she lost to her friend, so she won't complain too much about it. Going out in the second round of the French Open wasn't exactly how she envisioned this fortnight going, but, as long as Leylah beat her, it's fine. After the doping people get what they need from her, Gabriella is pulled into press. She hates this part on a good day, but she's not had one of those in almost two months now. She's give anything to fly to her next event right now, but, no, she's stuck in a stuffy room with people who ask stupid questions. ''Gabriella, we've noticed a marked backslide in your game as of late, what are the reasons for that?'' A journalist asks her.

Gabriella says, taking a deep breath. ''Well, a lot has happened to me in the last nine weeks, so, I'm surprised I even got to the second round at all.''

Another asks her. ''Your partner is usually here to support you during matches, has being without him maybe hampered things a slight?'' Gabriella's eyes sting again, she gives a hollow laugh. ''I'm glad he's not with me, actually, never great having your first love get a side-piece pregnant, y'know? If I saw him, he'd be dead in The Seine.'' It's low of her, morally and ethically, but she's not in the mood to care anymore. So, the press can know about him. ''Montreal CF midfielder Antoine Gauthier is a cheater, a liar, and a traitor. Let your publications know that.'' She excuses herself before she breaks down in the press room. Camille is going to hate her for that, how can she damage control that statement? Gabriella leans heavily against a wall in the locker room, feeling like her heart is going to explode in her chest. She feels friendly arms wrap around her. ''It's okay, Angel, it's okay, you're safe.'' Camille says to her.

Gabriella sobs into her shoulder. ''Cam, I'm... I didn't... I'm sorry.'' Camille strokes her hair as she likes. ''I'm not mad at you, darling, I'm proud of you.'' Proud? How? Proud of her for making her job harder? How does that work? ''Ella, darling, look at me. This is not your fault, he did that to himself, okay? Do you want me to take you to Daniel?'' Gabriella nods.

Camille guides her to the lounge, where Daniel is sitting with a worried look on his face. Which only serves to make Gabriella feel worse, she's made Daniel Nestor - a living legend - worry. She all but runs into his open arms. ''It's going to be okay, kiddo, we're not leaving you alone, I promise.''

They spend a couple of days extra in Paris, seeing the city as tourists, trying anything to get Gabriella to come out of her head. Gabriella does find herself enjoying this time with her team. But, always in the back of her mind is that bastard, and what he did to her, what he continues to do to her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wimbledon, 2022

The grass season flies by as always, Gabriella and Mirjam playing some doubles in Berlin and Eastbourne, and she's into the second round of Wimbledon already, having beaten Camila Giorgi. Right now, it's early in the morning, and she's on a practice court by herself. She finally got more than four hours of sleep last night, a new best for her since everything went to hell. But, she has a tournament to compete at, and a backhand to refine, so she's doing drills on her own. Headphones on, racquet in hand, a court to herself for at least another two hours. Daniel has no idea she's down here. No idea she's imagining firing this ball at Antoine so hard he keels over. If she can't be the perfect girlfriend, she's going to forge herself into a weapon. She senses someone arriving after an hour of drills, removing her headphones, she sees Katie and Alex. ''Hi, Ella! Didn't expect to see you here so early!'' Alex says.

Gabriella downs some water, feeling dizzy all of a sudden. ''Hi, guys. Uhm, I just... wanted to work on my backhand alone for a bit.'' Katie compliments her, always a kind big sister figure. ''Well, you're doing great, don't let us put you off.'' Gabriella nods, and gets back to work, her stomach aching with hunger. She will eat something once she's back at the house, once she's earned it. Her vision goes fuzzy, she gets a cold snap go through her. ''Alex! Catch her!''

Alex catches her before she hits the grass, and helps her sit down against the fences. Katie helps her with breathing rhythm. Alex hands her some water, saying. ''Sip this, Ella.'' Gabriella does as instructed. Katie gently asks her. ''Ella, have you eaten today?''

Gabriella shakes her head, her stomach roaring at her. ''No, not yet. Not since last night.'' She had dinner last night, but that's it in the last twelve hours. ''Figured, you look pale.'' She digs in her bag for an energy bar and a banana. ''Eat slowly, okay?'' Gabriella nods, and nibbles at the bar first, washing it down with water. It's now that she becomes aware of the shaking in her body. ''Ella, do you want us to call Daniel for you?'' Alex asks.

Gabriella nods. ''Yeah, please.'' She rummages through her bag for her phone, and hands it to Katie. ''Saved as 'Best Coach', I'd do it myself, but my hands won't stop shaking.'' Katie nods, and finds her contacts, selecting the given name. Gabriella eats and drinks slowly, Katie finally gets through. ''Hi, Daniel, this is Katie Boulter, I'm with Ella. She's taken a dizzy spell at Aorangi, can you come down here please?'' There's a short pause, and Katie says. ''Thank you so much, see you in a bit.'' She hangs up, and gives the phone back. ''He's on his way.''

Alex asks her. ''What you said in Paris, was it true? Did he do that to you?''

Gabriella nods, finishing her banana. ''Yeah, for a year, while I was working, he was with his side-bitch. Knocked her up while we were in Doha.''

Katie asks, fiddling with her racquet. ''Have his team done anything about him yet?''

Gabriella shakes her head, she's been waiting for that call from Josephine, it hasn't come yet. ''Not that I know of, no. They can terminate his contract, or loan him somewhere else. But, they've not done anything yet.''

Alex says, looking angry for her sake. ''I hope they terminate his contract, leave him jobless, it's what he deserves.''

Daniel finally arrives, thanks Alex and Katie for their help, so does Gabriella, and drives her home. Today will clearly be a rest day, Gabriella sleeps in the car, too tired to protest anymore about resting. She'd love to win this tournament, but that's next saturday. Today, she just wants to sleep and have some peace. Daniel also makes sure she eats something before her nap, Gabriella thanks God for him everyday, even if she doesn't entirely deserve him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Montreal, Summer 2022

Gabriella is, for perhaps the first time in ages, actually proud of the work she put in at a tournament. A third round exit at the most important slam may not seem like much, but she was aching and tired afterwards, so it all balances itself out. The jet lag hasn't been great for the last two days she's been home in Montreal. It's three in the morning right now, and Gabriella is wide awake, her body still not used to being at home yet. So, she gets dressed for a walk, throwing her hair in a ponytail. She grabs her keys, and gets going out into the early morning. Her plan is de-railed when she hears a very faint meowing around the corner of her building. She goes to investigate, finding an absolutely beautiful tortoiseshell cat, abandoned in a box. ''Hi, little one.'' It curls in on itself, scared of her, she kneels down beside it. ''It's okay, I'm not gonna hurt you.'' She offers her hand, the cat nuzzles against it. ''Can I pick you up?'' The cat meows again, coming closer to her. She picks it up, and takes it inside.

Once back upstairs, she bathes the cat in the kitchen sink, and gets it some water and tuna. Sitting by it as it eats and drinks. It looks perfectly healthy, a bit skinny and shy, but no fleas or anything. What sick bastard abandons such a beautiful cat? ''I'm not leaving you, little one, it's okay.'' The cat meows again. It explores her apartment a bit. She ends up staying up all night making sure the cat doesn't get sick on her.

A couple of days pass, she has taken the cat to the local vet. The vet checks it out, giving it a clean bill of health, a chip, and shots, and says. ''A male cat, he's been fixed.''

Gabriella asks. ''Is there a name in your system for him?'' The vet shakes her head, and says. ''No, I'm afraid not, Miss Lemieux.'' he smiles, and says. ''That means, he's yours, and you get to name him.'' She does? He's her cat now, she has the cat she's always wanted! Gabriella pets him on the ears, he purrs. ''You feel like an Atticus, do you like that name, boy?'' Atticus meows, Gabriella takes that as approval.

She's sent home with Atticus, a carrier, and some pamphlets. Over the next days, she gets him a cute collar, a bed, and some little toys, she also sets up a scratching post for him. Atticus is such a sweetheart, and almost never leaves her side. But, she is stricken with fear one night, fear of Antoine coming back here and hurting him. She's in bed, in a cold sweat, crying her eyes out, shaking from head to toe. She can't lose him, she'd die if she did. Atticus wakes up, and leaps up onto the bed with her, nuzzling into her. Slowly, Gabriella takes deep breaths, running her hand over his fur to ground herself. ''Thank you, Atticus.'' They get to sleep snuggled up together.

The next morning, Gabriella wakes up feeling hungover, panic attacks always seem to do that to her. Atticus is still fast asleep, purring contentedly. Her phone buzzes on her nightstand, she blinks a few times before answering it. ''Salut?'' She asks.

Bianca says. ''Hi, Ella, just wanted to ask you if you're still up for doubles in Toronto?''

Gabriella hums, still looking at her cat sleeping next to her. ''Yeah, I'd get up to check my laptop for my schedule, but Atticus would wake up.''

Bianca asks, sounding surprised. ''Atticus?'' Gabriella instantly knows where this is going. ''Not a person, I'm in no fit state for that, and won't be for months or years yet. I rescued a cat earlier this week. From a box outside my building, he was so scared, I couldn't leave him.''

Bianca breathes a sigh of relief. ''Oh, oh thank God. I'm happy you finally got your cat that the bastard wouldn't let you have.''

Gabriella leaves Atticus with her parents so she can fly out to Hamburg for the final clay tournament she'll attend this year. She sobs all the way to the airport, feeling so guilty for having to leave Atticus at all, he's the only good thing that's happened to her all year, and now she has to leave him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toronto, 2022

She's stunned herself this week, her deepest run at a tournament since the breakup, a quarter final at home against Jessica Pegula. A straight set win over Putintseva, the crowd are in hysterics for her, the last home talent left. She sits on her bench, a towel over her head as she sobs into it, entire body shaking. She zips her hoodie up after calming down a bit, and goes for her on-court interview with Tracy Austin. ''Well, Gabriella, what a match, last of your group left. How are you?''

Gabriella sniffles, and says, still drying her eyes. ''I'll be honest, Tracy, I've not been myself all year, I'm surprised I won today.'' She knows she's living on borrowed time, the breakdown is coming for her, it will come at some point, all she needs to do is outrun it until the offseason. ''We know, Gabriella, and you are still playing such a beautiful brand of tennis. How will you come down from this win tonight?''

Gabriella says. ''Sleep, hopefully a proper sleep tonight.'' After the usual stuff, she gets back to Bianca's place, she always stays with Bianca whenever they're in Toronto. They have dinner together, and curl up with a movie like they always do. Atticus on his mother's lap, purring happily, Coco fast asleep on Bianca's lap. Gabriella must doze off, because Bianca gently wakes her up with some news. ''Ella, Angel, wake up.''

Gabriella blinks a few times, and asks. ''What's up, Bianca?'' Bianca says, looking at her phone. ''Montreal CF announced on Thursday that they've terminated Antoine's contract, article says: 'after some negotiations with the 23 year old midfielder, we have decided to terminate his contract with our club. Gauthier will enter free agency this weekend.' He's done.'' Gabriella so wishes she could be happy, excited that karma got him in the ass, but she can't be. It took them months to do this, he still got to play for them, he's still going to find another team... he still cheated on her. ''Good... about damn time.'' One loss for him doesn't nearly measure up to the things she's lost, and never will.

She loses her quarter final to Jessica, that pit still in her stomach, now she's worried he's going to get some kind of revenge on her. Everyone is going to know why he's no longer playing for the team, all they need to do is watch her press conference in Paris to find out. Will he follow her to Ohio? Send his family in? Gabriella hasn't felt this paranoid since Madrid.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

New York, 2022

Somehow, Gabriella is in the third round of the US Open, and hasn't dropped a set yet all week. She's not seen hide nor hair of Antoine, his bitch, or his stupid family yet. But, she's got three more events after this, so she's not relaxing yet. Atticus is back home in Montreal right now. And, she misses her little guy so much it hurts. She's dreading the offseason, having two months to ruminate over how hurt she still is by it all. Really, she should be healed by now, but she isn't. Right now, though, she's lacing up for a run. She'll be in the gym with Daniel this afternoon, but she can still go for a run to get herself in the right physical space for it. She's not eaten yet, and only got about five hours sleep last night, but she will eat once she's done her three kilometers. She gets going, headphones on, letting the city fly past her as she runs.

Her run done, she eats breakfast quickly, and heads down to the gym with Daniel. They do some cardio first, and some reaction time tasks. ''How are you feeling about some weights?'' Daniel asks her.

Gabriella downs some gatorade. ''I think the small ones are fine.'' She lifts some lighter weights, her game doesn't depend on muscle, it depends on agility.

After their gym session, Gabriella showers and changes. They go for a late lunch, Daniel asks her. ''How are you feeling lately, Ella?'' She wants to give him the good news, that the betrayal is in the past and she's happy again. Truth be told, Gabriella barely feels anything at all anymore. ''Same as always, Danny, I so wish I could say something different... but I can't, a third of my first ever relationship was a lie.'' Daniel reaches for her hand across the table. ''I know, kiddo, and you deserved so much better from him.''

Gabriella sniffles, trying so hard not to cry all the damn time. ''I just hope he loves that kid, and she has a healthy birth, I hope she traps him, and the kid isn't even his.''

Daniel gives her a sad look, squeezing her hand. ''You don't mean that, kiddo.''

Gabriella says, the tears now fully dried up, leaving just an emptiness behind. ''Yes, I do, Danny. It's what he deserves.''

After her third round win over her fellow Canadian, Rebecca Marino, she gets done with everything, and heads back to the hotel to sleep her match off. She's got Coco next, and wants to give her friend a good fight. Even if she's slowly running out of energy, even if she's running out of time before the inevitable collapse comes.

She loses in straight sets to Coco. They embrace each other at the net, Gabriella says to her. ''Go and win this, Cookie.'' Coco laughs, and assures her. ''I will, Angel. See you in Mexico.''

Gabriella nods, unsure if she'll make it there, but she has no other choice. ''See you in Mexico.''

After doping control, a shower, and press, Gabriella is driven back to the hotel. Three more events this season, then she can rest for the next one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Montreal, Autumn/Winter 2022

Her 2022 season ends with a second round exit in Guadalajara, after two surprise quarter-finals in Tokyo and Ostrava, it ends really quickly. She's done for the year, and won't be working again until next January. She knows she should be excited for the last weeks of autumn and early winter off, time to rest and spend time with Atticus and her family. But, she's dreading it, dreading not having anything to do for two months. Her 22nd birthday is in early December, then there's Christmas, and Canadian Thanksgiving next week. But, no tennis to shut her brain up, it'll be too cold for early morning runs anymore. Atticus needs her, she has to keep it together. She lands at home again, acutely remembering this past spring. She gets through security, and goes out to her car. Leaning heavily against the headrest of her seat, she takes some breaths, and gets driving home.

After picking up Atticus from her parents, she drives home, and gets inside. ''We're home, my love, I'm home for winter break.'' She lets him loose from his carrier to run around. They're home, for the next eleven weeks anyway. Gabriella wants to get Atticus a friend, to make sure he's not lonely, she unpacks, and turns the news on. She guesses the bastard and his bitch's child will be due sometime near Christmas, only he could knock someone up to be due the same month Gabriella was born. Some sports news comes on, it seems as though Antoine has signed with another MLS Team - Real Salt Lake. He's moving to Utah, and the bitch is going with him once she's able. Good luck to them, Gabriella thinks, a disgraced cheater and his affair partner with their brat in Mormon country. Atticus hisses at the TV. ''My thoughts exactly, baby.'' She says, scooping him onto her lap.

A couple of slow and quiet weeks go by, Gabriella uses thanksgiving to drive down to a shelter she trusts in Sorel. She comes out with another little friend, a white and grey Ragdoll. She names her first girl cat Arwen. Arwen is also just the sweetest, and Atticus instantly bonds with her. Now, she has two wonderful cats. November comes in, a chill from the St Lawrence comes with it. She's watching some hockey one evening, Atticus and Arwen snuggled on her lap, both are dozing off as she pets them. She finds that they're the only ones who keep her calm, without them she's a wreck, and she'll have to leave them again. Arwen purrs, sensing her growing anxiety. ''I know, Arwen, I know, I can't help it.''

One morning, she heads down to clear her racing head at the indoor tennis center she frequents. Felix normally comes with her, it's a thing they do together in the offseason, but he's still busy. So is Denis. Bianca and Leylah are elsewhere. So, she's alone. She gets her racquet in hand, and opens a fresh tube of tennis balls. ''Okay, Ella, let's do this.''

She drills her forehand, nailing target after target. Honing her backhand into the weapon it needs to be for the next season, firing serves over the net. The tennis can be her healing, it found her at four, it can knit her back together at almost 22. Her headphones isolate her from the world for a while. After her two hours, she decides to head home. But, she sees them in the parking lot, Antoine's family. She marches to her car, hoping they've not seen her. ''There you are, Gabby, don't run, we just want to talk.'' His mom, Maria, says.

Gabriella loads her car up, and says. ''Make it quick, I'm needed at home.'' She doesn't mention Atticus and Arwen, she'd die before anything happened to her cats. ''We just want you to know how difficult you've made Antoine's life.'' His brother, Patrice, says. And, the red mist descends over her eyes. Difficult? His life is difficult? Oh, how sad for him. ''Y'know what? Good, I'm glad his life is as difficult as he's made mine. He made a choice, he's facing the consequences, and I'm glad of it.''

His dad, Edouard, says. ''Gabriella, you don't understand...'' Gabriella shouts into the frosty air, because she's sick and tired of this bullshit. ''No, you don't understand! He chose to cheat, he chose to get that bitch pregnant, he left me. You're only enabling him by putting this on me, grow the fuck up!'' She gets into her car, and drives home to her cats. Once home, she sweeps her babies into her arms, nuzzling her face into their fur. Her heart finally slowing down, the shaking finally calming itself down.

Her birthday comes and goes quietly, a small dinner with just her immediate family. She's surprised she's made it this far without the inevitable breakdown happening, she knows it's coming for her, it's only a matter of time. She confirms her early schedule with Camille. Adelaide 1, Australian Open, Abu Dhabi, Dubai, and the Sunshine Double. How many of those she'll be able to fulfill is unknown to her. She needs to tennis her way out of this, though, she doesn't have a choice.

December speeds by, and Gabriella is dreading having to get back to work already. She learns the day she's packing to fly to Adelaide that Antoine's affair baby has been born, a little girl, they've named her Aurelie, and that his affair partner is called Caroline. It's the brat's name that bothers her, it was her great-aunt's name, a Lemieux family name. Forever tainted by that bastard and his bitch. ''They named that brat after my great-aunt, DJ.'' She vents to Denis.

Denis is shocked and furious. ''They what?'' Gabriella sits on her bed, petting Arwen's back. ''Their brat is called Aurelie, just like my papa's aunt. The bastard stole my great-aunt's name for his affair baby. The name I wanted to give my first girl, stolen.''

Denis asks her. ''Do you think she forced his hand on the matter?'' Gabriella says. ''No, DJ, I don't. That bastard stole that name all on his own, the bitch just birthed the girl.''

Denis asks. ''How d'you think they'll be received in Utah?'' Gabriella scoffs, and says. ''The Mormons are gonna love them, DJ, trust me. A disgraced cheater, his side-bitch, and their affair baby, quite the Salt Lake family, eh?''

Denis laughs. ''You're right, they're perfect for that city.'' After their call, Gabriella weeps, and holds her great-aunt's bracelet in her hand, as if trying to apologize for her good name being stolen from her after her death.

After the Christmas weekend, Gabriella flies to Adelaide, ruminating for the whole flight about Antoine, Caroline, and Aurelie. Something inside her is breaking, against her will, and she has no idea how to stop it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dubai, 2023

This season is not going too well so far, second round exits in both Adelaide and Melbourne, and a surprise quarter final in Abu Dhabi so far. But, Gabriella is already exhausted, she hasn't felt this tired in months, she barely has any energy this morning as she wakes up in her hotel room in Dubai. Seven in the morning, she'd usually go for her run before breakfast, but she just can't do it. The beautiful Burj Khalifa is still aglow down the plaza. The tournament is due to start in two days' time, the draw is due to come out this evening. And, she can't get herself out of bed. She takes some breaths, and forces herself to sit up, then get on her feet. She decides not to go for her run, and hops in the shower. After that, she brushes her teeth, and does her skin care. Her back is killing her, so are her shoulders. She orders breakfast up to her room, and eats before getting ready for a couple of hours on court with Daniel. She meets him down there, she's made her mind up, the decision she should have made months ago. ''Daniel, can we talk, please?''

Daniel nods, hugging her tightly. ''Of course, kiddo, what's going on?'' Gabriella asks her coach, biting her lip. ''Promise not to get mad at me?''

Daniel says, sitting on a bench with her. ''Promise. Although, you've got me worried now, but, go ahead.''

Gabriella says, bouncing her knees nervously. ''I don't think I can do this anymore... I'm not retiring, but... I think I need help, I need a break... a long one.'' She wells up, hating this weak feeling, she loves this sport so much, but it's hurting her. ''I'm just so broken, and I'm not getting any better.''

Daniel says to her, his hand on her back. ''I'm so glad you've decided on this, I've kinda been waiting for this chat. I'll call Camille to clear your schedule.''

Gabriella asks him, almost pleading with him, the only coach she's ever had. ''Just, promise me I'll not lose you over this, please?'' Daniel presses a kiss to her head. ''Never, kiddo, promise.'' She hugs him, softly weeping, ready to head home and get into therapy. Daniel calls Camille to get her withdrawn from the season. This is going to take months of deep rest and recovery. Gabriella texts Team Canada for a family meeting over lunch. Denis is the only one missing.

She meets Bianca, Felix, and Leylah at the tournament lounge for lunch, the only one not dressed for the court or the gym. She knows this will be the last time she sees them for months, she'll not have time to be with her friends. ''So, I've got some news to share with you guys.''

Bianca asks her. ''What's going on, Ella?''

Gabriella takes a breath, and says. ''As of monday, I'm taking an indefinite leave of absence from tennis. I'm flying home in the morning, and won't be on tour this season.''

Leylah's dark eyes well up for her, and it kills her that she's made her best friend upset. ''You're leaving now?'' Gabriella nods, and explains to her friends. ''Yes, I can't keep going like this, I need rest, and I need help. I haven't been well in months, and I'm out of energy.'' Felix takes her hand across the table, and gives her a kind smile. ''We're happy for you, Angel. Go, do whatever you need to, and we'll all be here once you're back.''

Gabriella asks, allowing herself one piece of hope, the hope that her friends won't leave her over this. ''Promise?''

Bianca nods, and assures her. ''We promise, all of us.'' Leylah says to her. ''We love you, Ella.''

Gabriella gives her friends a sad smile. ''I love you guys too, I just can't love myself anymore.''

After lunch, she goes to pack, and call Denis. This will be the last time she gets to for months. ''Hi, DJ, hope you're okay in Mexico. Uhm, I'm taking a hiatus from tennis, I need therapy and time off.''

Denis sounds jet lagged when he says. ''Good luck on your healing, Angel, Miri and I love you.''

Gabriella sniffles. ''I love you too, DJ.''

The next morning, after informing her immediate family of her leave of absence, the team fly out to Montreal. All of them will be going to Montreal to get everything squared away, Gabriella rests her head on Daniel's shoulder, feeling this massive weight off her body already. She manages to get some sleep, hoping to wake up on home soil, ready to get to a doctor and therapist.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Montreal, February-March 2023

A couple of days pass in Montreal before Gabriella's doctor's appointment. She files a medical exemption with the proper authorities for anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications. She doesn't really need to since she'll not be playing this year, but it's best to check all her boxes. She gets up for her appointment, Atticus and Arwen right next to her in bed, she'd love to stay in this warm little bubble all day, but she's got things to do. So, she sets about her day, eating breakfast after washing up and dressing. Social media has been so supportive of her, she cried for hours over the outpouring of love last night. The doctor takes her at ten, and they sit down in his room. They talk through her symptoms and the background of them, all of it, including the screening. ''Now, Miss Lemieux, you do fit a lot of the criteria for both depression and generalized anxiety disorder.'' Gabriella dabs her eyes with a tissue he handed her. ''I kinda figured I would, yeah.''

Dr Bouchard assures her. ''You are far from alone in this, diagnoses of these conditions are increasing. And, there's plenty of avenues for help.'' He prescribes her some medication, and refers her to a therapist. ''You'll start with Doctor Dubois next week, and see her every week.''

She heads down to the pharmacy to pick her medications up, she's to take one of both once a day with food. She takes them once she's home for lunch. She entertains Atticus and Arwen that afternoon, Daniel took her tennis racquets with him to Toronto, cutting her off from playing or training. She will never forget that panic attack, but she's so thankful he did. Camille has canceled all of her tournaments and sponsor events. She's truly cut off from her sport now. She's even told her friends not to talk tennis with her, and Michael - her fitness coach - has told her not to even watch tennis. For now, she's just Gabriella. And, to her surprise, that's okay with her.

The following week, Gabriella finally meets with Dr Dubois for her first therapy appointment. She sits down on the sofa, it's been a week and a half since she stepped back from work. They do the ice breaking part, getting to know each other a bit. Gabriella tells Dr Dubois - or Louise, as she asks to be called - about her childhood and family life. ''Just a normal, loving family. My dad's a lawyer for the provincial government, my mom's a figure skating coach. My older brother is a teacher, my younger sister is still in school.''

Dr Dubois nods happily, and takes some notes. ''That's good, so, tell me about your ex, then, if you're comfortable.''

Gabriella turns her grandma's ring on her finger, using it to anchor herself. ''We met when I was eighteen, I instantly fell in love, he was this cool, kind, and passionate twenty-year-old, he saw me, he understood me. He made me feel loved. Antoine was this rock in my life, I was trying to go pro at the time, and he supported me.''

Dr Dubois takes her notes, and says. ''Was he ever abusive to you in any way? Until the affair began, that is?'' Gabriella thinks back on those three years of her life. ''No, we'd argue, sure. But, he was good to me. We supported each other in our lives.''

After her appointment, she goes to her parents' house for lunch. She is glad to have this extra time with her parents now, since she so rarely gets to see them anymore. Her dad gives her a massive hug wen she steps through the door. ''Good afternoon, my darling girl.'' He says, kissing her cheeks. Gabriella says, holding his hands in hers. ''Good afternoon, papa.''

She also hugs and kisses her mom, and they sit down for lunch, her mom asks her. ''How was the first session, Ella?'' Gabriella forks some of her salad. ''Good, mostly ice breaking, but it's good to be finally getting help. The pills are starting to work too.'' They eat lunch, and Gabriella listens to her parents talk about work. It helps to know they're here, and they aren't judging her for the past eleven months.

March comes in, and Gabriella adopts another cat from that shelter in Sorel. An energetic ginger tabby, who she names Legolas. She also takes up baking, starting with some good gluten-free chocolate cookies. They're cooling on the kitchen counter, she guesses it's Indian Wells week, but she watches some Amazing Race on TV instead. Legolas is playing with a toy mouse, Arwen is relaxing on the window ledge, and Atticus is curled up next to her. She's got an appointment with Dr Dubois tomorrow, her third now. She had a full eight hour sleep for the first time in almost a year last night. Once her cookies are cool, she puts them in the cookie jar, and cleans everything up again. She's just done with dinner when Felix calls her. ''Hi, Oxford, how are you?''

Felix says. ''I'm good, Angel, how are you? Keeping busy?'' Gabriella says, turning her dishwasher on. ''I'm still shaky, enjoying my hiatus though. Anything cool happening?''

Felix says. ''Not really, just work chugging along. I'll not bore you with it. You sound better than you did in Dubai.'' Gabriella has noticed that, a very slow return of her energy. But, today has been an okay day, she has no idea how tomorrow is gonna go. ''It's gonna be slow going, Felix, I'm not going to be back this year... at all. My therapist has said this is gonna take all year.''

Felix hums, and says. ''And, like we said, we'll be ready for you getting back.''

At ten-thirty, Gabriella gets ready for bed, and journals before reading, nursing some green tea in her hand, her cats curled up in their beds by the window. She decides to join them in sleep, falling asleep calm, not having worked herself to exhaustion to knock herself out.

Gabriella sits with Dr Dubois again the following day, feeling a bit more settled into this routine now that she's three sessions in. They decide to touch on her relationship with Antoine's family. Dr Dubois takes her notebook out. ''Tell me as much as you're comfortable with, Gabriella.'' And, she does, she tells her all about how much his dad loathed her, how his mom hated her, and how stupid his brother was. ''His dad saw me as a distraction to his soccer career, said I ought to keep my distance from him, meanwhile I was also busy with my own career.''

Dr Dubois takes her notes. ''I see, how about his mother? She sounds like a classic 'boy-mom' type to me.''

Gabriella gives a hollow laugh, squeezing the stress ball she was given last week. ''She was, didn't matter what I did, wore, said, anything. I was never enough for her eldest boy, his brother's girlfriend was the golden-girlfriend, and I never knew why.'' Dr Dubois asks her. ''Was she also an athlete? Because, if she was the more traditional type, that might be why.''

Gabriella says, thinking hard about Brigitte, praying she escaped that horrible family before it was too late for her. ''No, she wanted to be a kindergarten teacher. So, it makes sense why I was the scapegoat.'' That session lasts an hour and a half. Gabriella does some grocery shopping before heading home. Legolas is the first to greet her when she arrives home, with a bright meow. ''Hello, little one, I'm home now.'' Arwen and Atticus follow their younger brother. Gabriella puts her groceries away, and plays with the cats. She had no idea she was capable of this much love, until they all came into her life. A tear rolls down her cheek, Arwen chirps. ''I'll be okay, Arwen, I promise you.'' She's determined to be rebirthed anew from this trauma. For herself, and for her family.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Montreal, Spring 2023

Spring finally comes, Gabriella's first spring at home in years, her first since the pandemic shut the sport down for all those months. Despite being a child of winter, Gabriella loves spring, she loves the animals coming back, the trees and flowers blossoming again, the longer days. It's after the equinox that Gabriella heads down to the garden center after a therapy session. She can't really have a garden, but she does want some small plants. She buys some nice flowers: gladiolus, blue iris, calla lilies, snapdragon, and orchids. She also finds some smaller flowers for pots, and a single lotus. She also picks up some catnip for the little ones.

Once home, she grabs a vase, and fills it up, she arranges the flowers nicely. She also plants the catnip, setting the pot on a window ledge, she gathers her cats, and says to them. ''This, my loves, is for you three, it's still growing, so don't hurt it, okay?'' Legolas sniffs at it, her youngest cat is probably the most canine of the trio. Atticus meows, and returns to his toys. Arwen leaps up onto the cat tree. Gabriella plants her primroses, which go in her bedroom, and her Queen Anne's lace. She washes up for lunch, and looks around at the new plants, liking the new life in her apartment. This is how she always wanted this place to look, it's just sad that it took her finding that stick to achieve her dream aesthetic. But, she's going on her healing journey at last. As she's making some lunch, she gets a knock at the door. She has a brief panic attack, but it's her younger sister. ''Josie, thank God, come on in.''

Josephine, Gabriella's seventeen year old sister, asks. ''Who did you think I was?''

Gabriella finishes making them some chicken salad wraps, and pours them some fruit juice. ''It's so stupid, but I've been fearing Antoine coming back since last March.''

Josephine accepts her plate, and asks her. ''Isn't he already in Utah, though?''

Gabriella sits down at the breakfast bar with her sister. ''He is, that's why it's so stupid.'' The sisters dig into lunch, a comfortable silence between them as always. ''It's not, you're still healing, I'm surprised you're making this much progress, actually.'' Gabriella lets that sink in for a while, she does feel a lot better than she did in February. The medication is working wonders, so is therapy, and the cats are also helping her heal. But, there's no way she's rushing back to work anytime soon. ''Hey, Ella, where are your tennis racquets?'' Josephine asks.

Gabriella plays with Arwen. ''Daniel has them, I gave all of them to him when we got back from Dubai. I can't have them in here while I'm on hiatus.''

Josephine tilts her head, still petting Legolas. ''Why not? They're your racquets?''

Gabriella explains, trying to put it in terms her sister can understand. ''I've been using tennis to hurt myself, that's what Dr Dubois has said, so it's best to not have my racquets so as to avoid the temptation to overwork.''

Josephine asks, seemingly understanding her big sister's situation. ''Oh, okay. How has that been so far?''

Gabriella takes a deep breath, feeling Atticus nuzzling into her side. ''Actually, not as bad as I thought it'd be. Logically, I could just call Head up for more, but that's too much effort that can be used to rest.''

A couple of weeks pass, April comes in, Gabriella guesses that the clay season will be starting now. Everyone will be over the sea in Europe getting dirty on court. She does feel that longing to get back to work one night while getting ready for bed, but she knows fine well that she needs to rest and recover. If she so much as attended a tournament as a friend, she'd be setting back now six weeks of therapy. So, she takes a deep breath, and takes her sleeping pill. The cats leap up onto her bed. ''You three bunking with me now?'' She asks them, laughing. Atticus, the big brother he is, meows. She gets into bed, journals about her day and how she was feeling, and reads some chapters of her book. She gets to sleep quickly, Arwen nestled by her chest, the boys at her feet.

The following evening, she's just back from the floor's laundry room with her clean winter sheets. Those will be going in her closet, and are replaced with her spring and summer sheets. Rarely used, but necessary for now. She makes her bed up again, and waters her plants. Her phone rings, a call from Felix. ''Salut, Oxford, how are you?'' She asks, sitting on the sofa.

Felix says, sounding happy about something. ''I'm good, Angel, how are you?''

Gabriella says, looking at the photo of the five of them on her bookshelves. ''Depends on the day, but today was a good day, I think.''

Felix says, relieved. ''Good, I'm glad to hear that. How's therapy going?''

Gabriella says, Arwen leaping up onto her lap. ''It's going well, my therapist is lovely, the medication is working too.'' She asks her friend, who she hasn't seen in months now. ''Anything interesting going on?''

Felix takes a minute to think of something non-work related to tell her, she's instructed her friends to not talk tennis with her until she's back. ''Oh! Yeah! Met Pierre Gasly and Carlos Sainz in Monaco this past week, that was cool.''

Gabriella smiles, her brother would be so jealous, he's loved F1 for years. ''Nicholas would have loved to be there, I'm sure of it. That is so cool, were they nice?''

Felix gushes. ''Yeah, they were just so cool. Anything interesting going on for you?'' Gabriella chuckles, her life is just home and healing for now, not very interesting at all. ''Not really, got another cat, Legolas is super cute. I've started baking too. That's it, really. My life is just resting and healing.'' Felix hums, and says to her, voice earnest. ''That's all we want for you, Angel, and I'm glad you're getting this time to reset.''

After her next therapy session, Gabriella goes to the store for some ingredients for some amazing chocolate and caramel muffins she saw online a few days ago. She gets on with baking them as soon as she gets home, she's pouring the dough into the lined tray, when Atticus sniffs at the catnip plants growing by the cat tree. ''Won't be long yet, my love.'' She gets the muffins into the oven, and tidies up her mess. She looks at her calendar, it's been twelve months and three weeks since that horrible night. Almost thirteen months since all of this began, and Gabriella is already feeling miles better than she was. It has also been almost two months since her hiatus began. The funny thing is, she's just fine to let this break go for as long as she can, she wants so badly to be a better version of herself come next season, and that can only come with months of deep recovery.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Montreal, Summer 2023

June comes into Montreal quickly, a warm and bright summer lies ahead for Gabriella. She so rarely gets to see summers in Canada, too busy travelling around Europe for work, but she loves having this time to be with her family and enjoy the season at home. She can barely believe it's been so long since she found that stick, a year and three months. She's just dressed for another session with Dr Dubois, a nice summer dress and cardigan. She opts for ballet flats with this outfit. She catches herself in a mirror, and barely recognizes herself. Just a few months ago, she looked like a ghost come to life. Now, she looks like a person again. It's weird, but she likes how she looks today. She feeds the cats, and tidies the litter box into the toilet. After washing her hands, she gets some oatmeal and fruit going for herself, with a smoothie. After she eats, she grabs her purse, and goes down to her car. ''Hello, Gabriella, you're up early today.'' One of her neighbours, an older man called Laurent, says. ''Hi, Laurent, I've got a therapy session today, can't be late.''

His wife, Theresa, says. ''How's that going, dear?'' They've been keeping an eye on her, she's sure of it, and glad if that's true. ''Good, I'm feeling so much better now, still a ways to go yet, but I'm getting there.''

After their chat, she jumps in her car, and drives down to the practice. She gets seated on the couch, Dr Dubois comes in, looking happy to see her. ''Good morning, Gabriella, how have you been this past while?'' They're still at weekly appointments for now, and Gabriella is not in a rush to change that. ''I've been okay, had a bit of a turn yesterday, accidentally saw an image of one of my matches from last year on instagram, and cried.''

Dr Dubois sits down, and asks her, brows furrowed. ''Why do you think that was?''

Gabriella says, not needing to think too much about why she had that episode. ''I looked horrible, I was skinny, tired, and looked so scared. It was horrible, seeing what I looked like last year.''

Dr Dubois says to her, taking some notes in her book. ''How have you moderated your social media lately?''

Gabriella pulls her phone out, and lists off some recent changes to her instagram. ''Every post about last season has been set to private, all posts with my ex in them are purged, I also pinned my post about my hiatus. That's it, really.''

Dr Dubois says, nodding. ''Good, that's really good of you to delete evidence of him from your social media.''

After the session, Gabriella goes down to the garden center to grab some new plants. More primroses, some myrtle flowers, and some lovely blue crocuses. She plants them once she's home. Her plants are flourishing under her care, and they make the apartment so much brighter. Arwen seems interested in the myrtle. ''Pretty, huh, girl?'' Arwen meows, and leaps back off the counter. The new pots go on her bedroom window ledge, and get watered. She guesses that the tours have gotten onto grass, her second best surface. However, she finds that she's not missing it as much as she thought she would. After lunch, Gabriella notices that she's running low on her medications, and calls the pharmacy to order more. Then, she changes into her leggings and a tank-top for a short run. This is something she does to blow off energy now, not to harm herself. An hour around the local park, and she runs home.

During what she guesses would be Eastbourne week, Gabriella receives a call while she's eating breakfast, it's her friend Charlotte. ''Lottie, ma cherie, how are you?'' She asks, voice bright.

Charlotte says, sounding happy herself. ''I'm good, Ella, how are you doing? How's recovery?''

Gabriella smiles, and says. ''It's going well, I'm doing so much better. What's going on with you and Thomas?''

Charlotte says. ''Well, good of you to ask, actually. Apollo and Artemis had a surprise litter back in February. We've gotten their kittens adopted out, except for the runt of their litter, poor girl has been ignored.''

Gabriella looks to her trio of cats, the three loves of her life, the stars in her sky, basking in the sunlight. ''What's she like?'' She asks, she's been wanting to add to the family, make it a round number. ''The sweetest and gentlest little lady, a bit shy, but just a darling. She'd do well with your three.''

Gabriella smiles, loving this cat already, she's a cat mom now, and proud of it. ''I'll be down tomorrow, does she have a name?'' Charlotte says. ''Yeah, she's called Iris for now, but you can change it as you like.''

The next afternoon, she loads a carrier into her car, and drives to Charlotte and Thomas' place. They invite her in, and lead her to their guest room, where their cats are. Apollo and Artemis seem happy to see her, their runt is a beautiful white American Longhair. The kitten instantly approaches Gabriella. ''Hi, baby.'' She pets the kitten, who purrs happily. ''I think she likes you, Ella.'' Thomas says.

Gabriella sniffles, feeling like her little cat family is finally complete. ''Yeah, me too, Tom.''

They head downstairs, the kitten in Gabriella's arms, and get everything signed and handed over. Atticus, Arwen, and Legolas are going to love their new little sister. She gets the new cat home, and gets inside with her. ''Welcome home... Daenerys.''

Daenerys fits right in with her older siblings, July comes in, and Daniel pays her a visit after Canada Day. They meet up for dinner one night at a nice restaurant. She hasn't seen her coach in months now, and has missed him like a limb. She's dressed nicely for this evening, and greets Daniel with a warm hug at their table. ''I've missed you so much, Daniel.''

Daniel kisses her head. ''I've missed you too, kiddo.'' They order some pasta, Daniel gets some wine, Gabriella opts for orange juice. ''I've been told alcohol will affect my medications.'' She explains. They eat some of their dinner, Daniel observes. ''You're looking so much better already.''

Gabriella smiles, and says. ''Thank you. This break has been a godsend so far, I've been baking, tending to my plants, and looking after my now four cats.''

Daniel asks her, looking pleased with her progress. ''How has the medication and therapy been for you?'' Gabriella forks some pasta, and eats it before saying. ''Great, the pills have changed everything, Dr Dubois is amazing, and I've been keeping my journal as well.'' She sips her juice, and asks him. ''How have you been? What have you been up to?''

Daniel says. ''Playing some legends events with Nenad, spending time with family.'' He notices something in her eyes, and assures her. ''No coaching, you're my player, and I'm waiting on you being cleared for tennis again.'' That is a relief for her, she's been terrified of another player snapping him up from under her, leaving her alone with no coach. ''Okay... that's... good.''

After dinner, he heads back to his hotel, and Gabriella drives herself home. She gets ready for bed, her cats have been fed and watered by her neighbour, and are curled up on her bed. She takes her sleeping pill, and climbs into bed with them. The window open, AC on. She writes in her journal, reads her book with a cup of herbal tea, and gets some well-earned sleep with the four lights of her life. She guesses it's almost Wimbledon time now, not that she cares too much about that. Legolas' fur is soft under her hand as she sleeps, it's like each of them take turns to keep her safe. Little do the quartet know, they've all but saved her life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Montreal, August/September, 2023

Gabriella has been dreading this part of the year, when her sport that she's on a hiatus from comes back to North America. The week of the Canadian Open comes all too quickly. Gabriella is just back from the rink, skating with her sister, they return to her apartment. Josephine puts her bag down on an armchair, and grabs herself some orange juice. Gabriella checks her schedule for the next little while, she's got: a doctor's appointment to evaluate her medications, another therapy session, and the cats have a vet appointment. The sisters get lunch ready, talking about what they're getting Mathieu - their three year old nephew - for his third birthday. Nicholas and Madeleine always make their little boy's birthday so special. Josephine notices her big sister's far away expression. ''Are you okay, Ella?''

Gabriella says, sitting down at the breakfast bar. ''Just a bit edgy, that's all, Josie.''

Josephine asks, looking concerned for her again, probably thinking she's regressing into that depression from before. ''What's up?'' Gabriella sighs, and says. ''The Canadian Open starts today, I guess I'm just feeling a bit... weird that my sport is so close, but I'm not in it.''

Taking her hands across the bar, Josephine says. ''You've come so far these past six months, Ella, and we're all so proud of you. Think of it like this, next season you'll be coming back stronger, by staying away, you're becoming a better you.''

Nodding in understanding, Gabriella says, thanking God for her little sister. ''Yeah, you're right.'' They finish lunch, and feed the cats. Josephine settles on a stuffed dinosaur for little Mathieu, and Gabriella orders a set of mini hockey sticks for him. His birthday will be the same day as the singles finals. That night, Gabriella is getting into bed, when she gets a Zoom call from the gang. She opens her laptop up, and joins the meeting, seeing Denis, Felix, Bianca, and Leylah for the first time in months. She could cry at seeing her best friends again, they've not changed at all. ''Hi, Angel! How's life right now?'' Leylah asks, sounding cheerful.

Gabriella says, taking her sleeping pill, and starting to write in her journal. ''Good, better than it was six months ago. I'm feeling so much better.''

Bianca says, a bright smile on her face. ''You look it too, heard you now have four cats. How's Daenerys fitting in?'' Daenerys comes over at the mention of her name, and curls up at her mom's side. ''Great, I think these four were born to be mine, as weird as that sounds.''

Felix says, a mock-serious expression on his face. ''Ella, we want you to settle a debate for us, we've been having this argument since Europe, and we're at a stalemate.''

Gabriella chuckles, putting her journal away after finishing today's entry. ''Okay, what's the debate?''

Denis puts it to her, the weirdest debate topic she's ever heard, but it's the five of them, so of course it's weird. ''Which fruit could win in a fight? I'm taking pineapples, Felix is saying grapes for some ungodly reason, Leylah says melons, and Bianca says pomegranates.'' Okay, where does she begin with this one? ''Alright, what are your reasons?'' She asks.

Denis backs his position by saying. ''Well, pineapples are spiky, right?''

Felix rolls his eyes. ''Yeah, but grapes come in bunches, DJ.'' Gabriella laughs, Leylah shifts in her bed. ''Oh, but melons are big tanks, Oxford.''

Bianca puts her water glass down. ''Pomegranate literally means 'grenade', Sunny.'' She says to Gabriella, who is just beaming at her friends. ''Anyway, Angel, what d'you think?'' Gabriella ponders this for a minute, and says. ''That fruit in Singapore... durian fruit, chemical warfare, locking in my answer there.'' She proposes to her friends. ''Why not ask everyone else? Make it a little survey?''

Felix nods, already in love with that idea. ''Great idea, Ella! We'll get back to you on that.''

Gabriella looks at the clock. ''I should sleep, got a doctor's appointment tomorrow to discuss my medications.'' They say goodnight, and sign off. Gabriella's heart full of love all of a sudden, she's missed her gang like crazy. All four of them are etched deep in her heart.

Mathieu's birthday party comes quickly. Gabriella dresses nicely for it, her best floral dress and wedge heels. Her hair is left alone, and she's done some nice makeup. She loads the cats into her car with her nephew's present and card. She drives to her brother and sister-in-law's house, and is welcomed in with hugs. She's never gotten to celebrate her nephew's birthday with the family before, too busy working, but now she does! There's some family on both sides present, and some of the kids and parents from his daycare. ''Auntie Ella!'' Mathieu says, running up to her. Gabriella finishes letting the cats roam free around the house, and sweeps her nephew into a hug. ''Missed you, auntie Ella.''

Gabriella says, kissing his forehead. ''I've missed you too, Matty.'' Nicholas asks his younger sister, there's five years between them. ''How have you been lately, mon ange?''

Gabriella watches her nephew playing with Legolas. ''Been feeling much better, I'm still in no fit state to play yet, but I'm on the mend. I've really needed this break.''

Nicholas kisses his sister's head. ''I'm glad you're feeling better, you've come so far these past six months, I'm proud of you.'' Gabriella smiles at that, letting that sink in.

The party is really nice, with a nice lunch spread, little games for the kids to play, and cake. Mathieu unwraps his presents, he loves them all. Gabriella hands her little nephew his present from her. ''For my little star.'' He unwraps the mini hockey sticks, getting all excited over them. ''Mama, hockey sticks! See?''

Madeleine beams, and kisses her son. ''I do see, cool, huh? Say 'thank you, auntie Ella.' to your aunt.''

Mathieu, face lit up like a Christmas tree, says. ''Thank you, auntie Ella.''

Gabriella smiles, and ruffles his auburn hair. ''You're very welcome, Matty.''

August is a relatively quick month, the summer is slowly coming to an end, the nights are going to be getting longer now. Gabriella finds herself hopeful for this autumn, especially as she's going to be at home for it this time. September comes in, and it's still warm and bright, Gabriella feels something in her after her first therapy session of the month, a kind of lighter feeling now that tennis has moved onto Asia. She does miss playing so much, but she's waiting for approval from her doctor and her therapist. Daniel still has her racquets in his home, she's not watched tennis in six months. All she knows lately is that Coco won the US Open. But, that's it. Once home, she sets about baking a chocolate fudge cake she got a recipe for last week. Legolas leaps onto the counter, looking curious about the cake mix. ''Not safe for cats, Legolas, sorry.'' He meows, almost offended that he can't have any. Gabriella laughs as he goes back to the cat tree. How did she get so lucky to have them? She looks in her journal as the cake bakes, it's been almost seven months since she took her hiatus. Seven months since she got on this road to recovery. Even better, it's been a year and a half since she broke up with Antoine. The spiteful part of her pegs that she's been without him for as long as he was with his side-bitch. But, she breathes that spite in, and lets it go on the exhale. He may have done all of this to her, but she's undoing it, she's healing, and he can't hurt her anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Montreal, October 2023

Autumn has officially come into Canada. And, Gabriella loves it. She likes summer better, but autumn is equally beautiful. There's two months until her 23rd birthday now, and she's honestly surprised she's even made it here to be excited for that. She barely wanted to be alive anymore this time last year. That hits her, it's officially been a year since her last full season of tennis. And, just shy of ten months since her last tournament. She can hardly believe it's been so long since she last was on a court, she was spending nearly entire days on court at her lowest. Her plants are replaced with autumnal plants, and are thrown out. She's still on weekly therapy sessions, and is in no great hurry to change that. Daenerys looks sad to see the primroses go, her youngest loves flowers. ''I know, baby, but the new ones are pretty too, right?'' She scoops her youngest into her arms. Daenerys meows, and nuzzles her face. ''I love you too, baby girl.''

After checking her cake, she checks her medicines. She's good for her sleeping pills, but she orders some fresh Zoloft and Lexapro from the pharmacy. She wonders to herself that night how she's going to wean herself off of them if she goes back to work next season, or if she should just file for an exemption. But, she'll leave that for her next doctor's appointment in a couple of days' time.

She gets up feeling well-rested on the morning of her doctor's appointment. The cats are curled up on her bed. She'd love to snuggle with them all day, but there's things to do today. She showers, brushes her teeth, and gets herself together for the day. Gabriella takes her pills, and gets some breakfast done for herself and the cats. ''Okay, my loves, I'll not be long, I love you so much, be good while I'm out.''

She arrives at her doctor's office. He does a quick physical exam of her: taking her height, weight, the works. Next, he talks with her about her medications, they agree to keep the dosages as they are, and the timings as they are. ''Okay, Gabriella, you said you wanted to discuss something with me, is that right?''

Gabriella nods, drinking some water. ''Yeah, if I were to return to work next January, would I wean myself off my meds?''

Dr Bouchard says. ''I would not recommend that, no. For one, the withdrawal symptoms would be horrible, and I'd worry about you backsliding. So, you'll need to be on these for a number of years.'' Gabriella nods, quietly relieved, they've been a bit of an anchor for her these past ten months. ''Oh, okay, good. So, I can file for an exemption for them with WADA.''

Dr Bouchard smiles kindly, and nods. ''We can do that together once myself and Dr Dubois have cleared you for return to work, all three of us.''

Gabriella goes home happy, she has a therapy session the following day. Now that she has an answer about her medications, she'd love to know how therapy would work. She doesn't want to leave therapy yet, both of her doctors have been anchors for her, keeping her calm and sane. She gets seated with Dr Dubois, they've become friends really quickly. ''Good morning, Gabriella, how are you today? Anything interesting happening lately?''

Gabriella says, finishing her tea. ''I'm doing well, Dr Dubois, baked an amazing cake a few days ago. I wanted to talk to you about something, actually.''

Dr Dubois smiles, and takes her book out. ''That's what I'm here for, dear, what's going on?''

Gabriella says, adjusting her seating position. ''I was curious about how we'd work things if I returned to work in January. I'd be in Australia for a month, and you'd be here.''

Dr Dubois says, after some time to think. ''Good of you to ask me, because I'm content to continue being your therapist, but the distance is an issue, you're right. Do you have a therapist in your team?''

Gabriella shakes her head. ''No. I've got Camille Bellemare - my agent and manager. Daniel Nestor - my coach. And, Michael Faulkner - my fitness coach. That's it.''

Dr Dubois takes her notes, and says. ''When Dr Bouchard and I clear you, I can assign you a therapist to join your team, I have plenty of colleagues who can travel with you.''

Gabriella is equally relieved about this revelation, she'd hate to stop therapy all of a sudden. She's probably going to need both this and her pills for many years to come. She doesn't ask when she'll be cleared for tennis yet, but she does update her team and her friends. Her return to work is now looking good, even if she's in no great rush for it. If it's Australia, that's fine by her, if its not, that's also fine.

A week passes, a quiet and relaxed week at home with her cats, watching some hockey. The Montreal Canadiens will stop hurting her with how much they suck someday, but not today it seems. While she's watching some highlights over breakfast, she gets a knock at the door. It's Richard, with a letter in his hands for her. ''This came for you, Gabriella.''

She gingerly takes it, curious as to what it is. ''Thank you, Richard.'' She opens the envelope, and sits down. Dr Bouchard and Dr Dubois want her down for an appointment with both of them in a few days. To discuss her progress and next steps from now. She reads the letter to Daniel over the phone. ''Sounds like you might be cleared for tennis, kiddo!'' He says.

Gabriella is breathless, in all the best ways. ''Yeah.'' She doesn't dread tennis anymore, she doesn't want to hurt herself with it anymore.

The appointment comes quickly, Gabriella gets herself ready for it, excited for whatever they have to say to her today. After breakfast for the five of them, she gets in her car, and goes to the practice. Both of her doctors are there when she is escorted to the room. They have a brief conversation about life stuff, Dr Bouchard does the routine consultation and exams, and says. ''All good there, Miss Lemieux.'' Dr Dubois chats with Gabriella about her mental state, and how she's fared these past few months. ''I'm very impressed with your progress, Gabriella.''

Gabriella asks, head swimming a bit, but not dreading anything, she's just eager to hear their verdict on her. ''Well, what do you two think? Am I good to go again?''

Dr Bouchard smiles kindly. ''From what I've seen recently, I'd say so, yes.''

Dr Dubois nods, and says. ''I'm satisfied for you to start training again as well.'' Gabriella cries happy tears, she's truly come so far these past ten months, and now she's getting her sport back! He didn't totally break her, despite his best efforts to do so. Dr Dubois introduces her to her new in-house therapist, Dr Renee Valois, who is every bit as nice as Dr Dubois said she was. ''Excited to join the team, Gabriella.'' Gabriella smiles. ''Excited to have you, Renee.''

The quartet fill out her exemption forms, and get them sent off to the proper authorities same day. The last thing Gabriella does that day is schedule a roadtrip to Toronto for a training camp with Daniel. She's going to be back next season. And, for a change, that excites her rather than scares her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toronto, October/November 2023

Gabriella has been with Daniel in Toronto for two days now, mostly resting off the drive from Montreal. Her cats are with her, they saved her life, so she wants them around to help her through training camp. She still hasn't been given back her racquets, but that's fine with her. Daniel disappears during breakfast on her third morning in his house, Natasa and the girls look excited for some reason, Tiana says to Gabriella. ''Wait for this!''

Bianca elbows her big sister, reminding her so much of herself and Josephine, just the other way around. ''Tia, don't spoil it!'' Gabriella laughs, and waits eagerly for her coach to return from upstairs. He comes back down with her racquet bag, he takes one of her racquets out, still done up from Dubai in February. ''Gabriella, kiddo, I believe this is yours.'' He offers it to her.

Gabriella would have had a panic attack even two months ago, this would have terrified her. Now, in October, she happily takes her racquet back. It feels so good to have it back in her hand again, like meeting an old friend. ''You ready to get started, kiddo?'' Daniel asks. Gabriella smiles brightly, and nods. ''Yeah, I'm ready.''

They hit the court together after breakfast, doing their usual workouts. Having a fun hitting session together first, Daniel told her that they're approaching this just like they did when she was seventeen. Gabriella readies herself to serve, taking a deep breath, thinking of how far she's come to get back here. She does her ball toss, and hits an ace down the T. After lunch, they get back to work, doing some fun backhand drills, taking targets out. Gabriella is delighted to be back on a court. It's been ten months since she last picked these racquets up, and even longer since she did so out of love for her sport.

A couple of nights later, she gets into bed with her cats as usual, just in a different place for the next couple of weeks. She takes her sleeping pill, not thinking she needs it, but she'd rather be safe than sorry. She journals for a bit, a habit that has kept her sane this past while, and reads before sleeping. Thanking God that Antoine didn't totally ruin her beyond repair, as much as he no doubt would have liked to.

November comes in, and so does the email from the WTA for her to confirm her schedule for the first quarter of 2024. She's talked endlessly with Camille about this. She confirms for the United Cup, Australian Open, Doha, Dubai, and the Sunshine Double. To her surprise, she's excited to get back to work, not out of an urge to work herself to the bone, but because this sport is one of the loves of her life. That night, she has a Zoom call from Toronto with the gang, she informs them of her return timeline. They're all ecstatic for her to return, she cries happy tears that night. She writes in her journal a small list of things she's thankful for.

Things I'm thankful for in life: My family. My team. My friends. My cats. Food, water, and shelter. Tennis. My doctors. My new health.

She also adds an even smaller list of short-term goals for 2024, ones that she can achieve in the year, nothing grand, no slams or world number ones.

Goals for 2024. Start winning matches again. Win my first title. Become Canadian Number One. Make the final of my home tournament.

The next day, she laces up her runners for a morning jog before breakfast. She zips her Lacoste jacket up, takes her pills, and stretches outside before setting off. She stops in the park, and watches the sun come up on the autumn day. She's alone in the park this morning, so this sunrise is for her eyes only. It's now that she knows she'll be okay. She's even got a trip to Vancouver planned for December, and she can't wait for that. She has no idea what the future will bring her, and that's okay with her for now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, this took a while, and I may have uploaded this too early on accident. But, she's finally done! I wanted to go through what was basically the two years of Gabriella's life before she met Elias and Quinn. Her tragic breakup, her mental breakdown, and recovery across 2022 and 2023. So, this had to be longer for that reason.

Anyway, enjoy!

[tenderlyrenjun]

that 90s love

(from here) | these are in the story's chronological order

posts about that 90s love series

MINORS, BOTS, FIC REC BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT

hot girl bubble

prequel | main part

last year, jaemin went to a dorm party. bad idea. that entire floor caught chlamydia, and he only found out a week after he slept with you. he let you know, of course, thinking that he would never see you again. but fortuna is on his side [sarcasm]. you are a fixture in the biochem lab he joins sophomore year, having joined at the beginning of summer. jaemin tries to apologize over and over again throughout the lab, but you don't really want to hear much from the guy who gave you chlamydia, texted you once about it, then ghosted you.

to be decided/tentative

pre-med, biochem intern!jaemin x biochem intern!reader

smut, fluff, comedy, reconciliation, alcohol mention, partying mention, STD mention, safe sex (following the prequel), jaemin returning to the dating scene after all his friends get partners, mutual pining

all about you

to be decided/tentative

music theory major!chenle x older, piano TA!reader

fluff, rivals to lovers, comedy

will you go ice skating with me?

you have a routine during competition season: go to the rink every morning and afternoon, but during the first, like, two weeks of the season, leading up to your big competition, some novice hockey player monopolized the ice! god, he doesn’t even look like he knows a hockey stop; he keeps trying to stop with a missing toe pick. so, you take pity on him (and it definitely has nothing to do with the fact that, when he takes off his helmet, he is attractive as hell).

newbie hockey skater!yangyang x figure skating champ reader

fluff, college au, strangers to friends to lovers, similarly height reader

teacher's assistant

part one | tentative part two

it starts outside the classroom, ironically, then a boy starts talking to you during office hours, and somehow it feels like you started taking the class for him

music theory teacher’s assistant!renjun x psychology student!reader

fluff, college au, strangers to lovers, food/coffee mentions, reader is shorter than him, set in late fall/early winter, tentative smut fic

health & fitness

to be decided/tentative

constantly-late-to-class freshman hockey player!sungchan x psychology major!reader

fluff, strangers to lovers, classmates au

time out

prequel | main part

Your infamous relationship with the captain of the hockey team, Lee Jeno, is intense. You’ve hated him since he met you, and in an attempt to make nice, your coaches force you two to meet at least once a month. Except, they didn’t know that you already meet up every couple of days, discarding your clothes and any reminders of the rink before jumping each other’s bones.

hockey co-captain/architecture major!jeno x figure skater/bio major!reader

smut, enemies to lovers, implied rich kid au, mentions of alcohol

slip one past your goalie

the gators finally win their championship! and haechan could not be happier!! he rides the high through the first month of second semester, getting pats on the back, phone numbers, free drinks, etc. but he only wants a congratulations from the one person who doesn't know who the hell he is.

to be decided/tentative

hockey goalie!haechan x math major!reader

fluff, smut, strangers to lovers

Gretzky

to be decided/tentative

hockey co-captain!mark lee x education major!reader

fluff, angst, smut

[doubleddenden]

After my last post from 2019 started blowing up again, I think it's time to reassess the timeline in 2021 so far as of late September to see wtf is going on

Ahem

Nintendo is teaming up with the guys behind Despicable Me to make a Mario movie, and not only are casting Charles Matinet as every other character than the ones he voices, but casted Chris Pratt as Mario, Charlie Day as Luigi, Seth Rogan as Donkey Kong, and Jack Black as Bowser, and everyone hated it (with exception to Jack)

Sonic has another movie on the way after a decent success on the first one, Idris Elba is Knuckles, and everyone loves it

In pokemon, we have not just one Sinnoh Remake, but a remake and a prequel in the works. Both do not look how fans intended

Digimon had a live script reading for Tamers wherein they had to fight political correctness and cancel culture. The director of this critically aclaimed series apparently fell very deep into conspiracy theories and you can read his descent via his blog

Tobyfox gave us another chapter of Deltarune and it's either a chucklefest of explosions, gay, gamer, and *big shots*, or deeply disturbing on a level only this maniac can provide

There is consideration to release a new cut of TLoTR that lasts a WEEK

Taco bell has a chicken sandwich now. A chicken sandwich taco that is neither sandwich nor taco (but decent)

People are injecting themselves with horse medicine for parasites, and this medicine makes you shit yourself and can leave you impotent. This instead of taking free FDA approved vaccines to help prevent and/or weaken a virus that can kill you and/or make you impotent.

Nikki Minaj refuses the vaccine because her cousin's friend allegedly took it and their balls swelled up, because that couldn't be anything else that's been reported, like an STD

We still have assholes advocating for body autonomy when it comes to vaccines but in the same breath scream demands to take away abortion rights and they see no irony

Why the resistance still? They are afraid of being tracked with microchips and 5g. Yet find no irony in driver's licenses, social security numbers, passports, medical files, dental files, and tax records being available for everyone, let alone Facebook and other social media sites collecting and selling their personal data. They think that each of them are that important that the government would invest millions into tracking them personally when its already incredibly easy to

Batman has a webcomic about all the bats and Robins and such, and it is wholesome as shit

One of the best writers Doctor Who has ever had is coming back to the helm after being replaced for years

There was a literal 3d virtual concert for Pokemon starring Post Malone, who sang about cowboys making him cry and how he was "only in it for the sex" as a majestic Lugia flew by

21 Pilots had a virtual concert of their own in god damn ROBLOX

Speaking of virtual, there was a virtual museum to the Civil Rights Movement added to... *checks notes*... Fortnite.

Kirby is actually going to have a 3d game. Not just 2.5D, like Mario Odyssey 3d.

The first billionaire went to space after underpaying his employees and leaving them with terrible work environments, and bragged about it on live TV in a cowboy hat, and not only did he not break the atmosphere, he unfortunately came back

There's apparently a 3d MLP movie that talks about xenophobia, propaganda, and historical revisionism. Idk I just found out too

Rugrats is back and Stu is a gamer

iCarly is back and Carly and Freddie were propositioned for a threesome

Drake Bell was convicted of child endangerment

Josh Peck is Turner in a Turner and Hooch reboot and is thriving

Flip phones are back in a weird way

We had attempts to violently overthrow our government this year and the organizers are just out playing golf and planning sedition like it's just another Monday

Ted Cruz liked porn on his Twitter account publicly. Again.

Grimes and Musk split up, still no word on his plans for real life cat girls

Star Wars. Is anime now. Which is awesome

Samsung almost had a waifu and the internet did its thing

Scooby Doo and Courage the Cowardly Dog have a crossover

New Avatar stuff in the works. Nickelodeon or Blue people, you ask? The answer is yes

Yeah this may as well be accurate at this point

And it's still September

[ikorous]

Sort of? So STB/Light Years follows canon whereas Daylight and TBE do not. But the characters of Lucius, Narcissa, Ted, and Andromeda in the Daylight series are the same as the ones in Sweat the Battle and Light Years. It is just the events that differ in the two stories (starting around chapters 5-7 of This Bitter Earth). Hope this helps?

——————————

Hi. Me again. 🙋‍♀️ Just want to make sure I understand correctly. So STB/LY is canon compliant up to a point. The “untold (dark) backstory/prequel” if you will. Marvelous job at it btw. Lucius, Narcissa, Ted, and Andromeda of STD/LY are the Lucissa, Narcissa, Ted, and Andromeda of Daylight/TBE.

I guess because LY is still currently set in pre-anything that happens in Daylight, I got a bit confused about the last part. I am assuming that was LY ends, it’ll end farther than Daylight, then? Perhaps with Harry defeating Voldemort? spoilers. 🤣 I know you won’t reveal that much.

I just noticed that some characterizations of Draco in Daylight/TBE are reminiscent of Lucius in STB/LY. There was also that part in Daylight where after Draco let’s the death eaters in the castle and they find Hermione’s pink bra, they say he’s “just like his father, back in school always chasing…” but is interrupted by Bellatrix. I had thought if the two stories were connected, it’d be Andromeda and not Narcissa that the exchange was referring to.

Also, if the stories are connected, that scene with Ted, Andromeda, and Draco. 😳 Plus the fact that Ted dies in TBE as is in canon. 💔

Just was curious is all. Cheers 🥂. Hope you feel better soon. Happy birthday month. Can’t wait for an update for either story.

No problem, let me try to explain better without spoiling anything too much:

So Light Years is going to end up going past This Bitter Earth. And Light Years is canon compliant but Daylight and TBE are more canon adjacent in their storyline.

But yes, the Lucius, Narcissa, Ted, and Andromeda of Light Years are the same ones we see in TBE. It’s the stories that differ just a little (so far). Like a fork in the road. I hope that’s not too confusing.

Because you’re right, Daylight Draco is heavily influenced by his parents. He’s got some Lucius traits, but also quite a few Narcissa traits as well. But he doesn’t know anything about his parents past or how they are connected to Ted and Andromeda.

There are a few Easter eggs hidden in Daylight/TBE for people who have read STB/LY and that’s one of them! I wanted to do some little special things but didn’t want people required to read both series to understand, especially if Tedromeda or Dramione is not their thing.

Thank you so much 🖤 and hopefully Light Years will have an update soon!

[lonesomedreamereccentriclover]

This past decade(s) there have been few great horror movies. Lost in uninspired sequels/prequels and few original storytelling and mostly based on cheap jump scares instead of truly scary moments told in actual pictures, the modern horror movie seems to struggle with delievering horrifying sequenses and being, yeah well, truly scary.

Sure, there have been some great exceptions, like “The Witch”, “The Babadook”, Ari Aster’s first two full feature films “Hereditary” and “Midsommar” - but all in all they are just a few bad (as in really good) seeds midst all rotten fruits.

During the 2014 edition of Cannes Film Festival in France a director named David Robert Mitchell broke out with his truly original and horrifying “It Follows” and it was immediately praised for its original take on STD’s and stunning visuals even if shot on relatively low budget.

The film starts out in the suburbs on a calm evening, only a mother is out packing out her car of groceries, when suddenly a young lady is storming out in panic. The mom on the other side of the street packing out her car asks if everything is alright, and the young lady answeres “yes” but we can clearly see that’s a lie. But we really don’t have a clue what is going on. Not yet anyway.

The girl is running back to her house, now with her father worried sick, but only to get her (fathers) car keyes. She drives off and it now seems that she is being hunted by someone. Or something.

Ending up on a beach,  a place for the youth to relax and enjoy one another (in one form or another), the young lady seems to feel safe - for the moment. But by the arrival of the morning she’s no longer alive. As so often in horror movies the first character(s) we meet is not the protagonist nor the heroine, but an establishment of how great of a threat someone - or by the state of the properly tufted young lady rather SOMETHING (more than a human)!

Shortly thereafter we meet another young lady. She, Jay, is much clearly “in focus” as we got to spend time with her in her room dressing up for a date. Just as her, the audience believes the date is something special - and as they meet up outside a cinema (that is showing Charade with Audrey Hepburn) it really seems so. They play a game, that first seems very sweet and innocent. They pick a person around them who they would like to switch lifes with. The guy starts, and as they bought tickets and have entered the lobby and without Jay guessing right about who he (her date, that she by the time think is “Hugh”) has choosen he reveals that he would like to change place with a little kid. They joke around that he can then poop himself anytime he wants, but when he later gets killed by the entity it has taken the form of his mother - that probably took advantage of him sexualy when he was younger - and just wants a normal family to be taken care of. But now I’m getting ahead of myself. Lets wind back!

In the movie theater, waiting for the film to start, Jay now take her turn in the game and chooses someone she would switch with. She does so pretty quickly and when he tries to guess who she have choosen he takes a wild guess at a girl in yellow dress. Which confuses her just as much as the audience - since such a girl is nowhere to be seen in the saloon. That freaks him out, but not for the obiously reason we might first think. They rush out of the saloon and he excuses himself with the need for air - and maybe some coffee.

If we “look” at the the girl only “Hugh” can see we are only given very little information. She cannot be seen by others than “Hugh” and 2). she wears a yellow dress. It sounds cheerful, pretty and warm, but in color analysis yellow also have negative associations. According to this site yellow also stands for cowardice, sensationalism and mental illness. Does that means that he is “seeing her” only in his mental state? It could appear so, but shortly after they have sex he then drugs her. Which is confusing, because he doesn¨t have to drug her to have sex with her - which the situationen otherwise suggest - and that the director really “playfully” uses to create confusion and uncertainty.

When she wakes up again she is constrained to a wheelchair. The situation is just as bad for her as for the viewer. Has he taken her there to kill her? It could appear so but soon he calms her down with the assurance that he hasn’t taken her there to harm her. But why? A person is walking towards them and he explains that now that he has “passed it on” by having sex (hence the interpretation that the film is about STD’s) and that she under no circumstances let those persons walking towards her touch her. Which might be confusing and scary for Jay, but the viewer now get the connection to the girl in the beginning. That is dramaturgically called an catalyst (or: plantation), where a person or happening is introduced but only to give the story bigger meaning later on.

Jay is dropped of outside her house, and then “Hugh” dissapears. Which could be seen as a comment on modern “dating” where a guy (or girl in some cases) dumps the “victim” right after having sex. We live in a society where we throw away stuff way to easily and that seems to have been taken on even socially.

From the porch, Jay friends and one sister Kelly, sees everything and rushes to her to make sure everything is alright. But it isn’t (obviously). So they call the cops. But as the sex was consensual and he didn’t really hurt her, and his identity seems scetchy they can’t really do anything. But he will play a part and has not yet been played out in the story. We just don’t know how yet.

The next day, when Jay is in school, she is approached by an old lady. She don’t recognize her, but was told to watch out for shady people walking slowly towards her - even if “It” is taking the form of a stranger or a more familiar person to get close to its victim. And if we now presses paus and goes back a bit to “Hugh” and his lady in yellow dress. WIth this new information we understand that she was “it” trying to get close to him. And with the older information about yellow being  a “color of cowardness” we can now “read” that the “it” also can take the form of the fear and guilt of the victim. He feeling bad for taking advantage of her, simply put to get laid but in the context of the story to “pass it on” and no longer being the first target in line. We also learn that it’s only the first (latest) person in line to be haunted by “it”. Which only cements Jay’s role as the protagnoist - who ALWAYS should grow and evolve through the story (wheter it might be an childrens story, a book in general, a video game or in this case a movie) towards the morality of the story.

So, what might the morality of the story be then? Maybe the answere is in the way “It” approaches its victims - by assuming familiar characters thats also seems to hold some personal trauma to them. By running away from the fear and hide away and hopes the problem just dissapears, people die. Maybe it’s traying to say to us: don’t walk away from your fears, or trauma, but try to meet them and work against them so you by time can move on from them without taking to much psychological harm in the long run.

One of her friends is Paul (played by Kier Gilchrist that some years later would get a wider brakethrough in the Netflix-show Atypical where he plays a young man with Asperger syndrome) who seems to have a more than friendly history with Jay (played by Maika Monroe) which is made clear throughout the storyline as he tries to “get in her pants” but with his logic only to be “heroic” by letting her “pass It on to him” and thereby getting her out of the haircross of “It”.

But Paul is not her first choice. Maybe she doesn’t like him back, but probably beacuse she doesn’t want to put her friend in danger. The “lucky one” is instead a neigbhour with a car and a tough appearance. He helps her get to places and after an accident he sleeps with her - with the same motive as Paul, or at least he says so. Appearently, he doesn’t really believes in her “crazy theories” (since he doesn’t have all the information the other characters, and we as viewers, have) but just wanted to have sex. Which is going to punish him. But why? Because of the souless sex? Or because he doesn’t take the problem, the fear, seriously and tries to really solve it but instead live on with his life as nothing have happened? Probably both! Lying to get what you want is not very nice.

As she can see to the neighbour’s house across the street from her own window, she can see when a stranger (everyone who “has it” can see them walk around, but not anyone else) aproaches his house and throws a stone through the kitchen window - that also happened to her the evening after she “got it” - so now David (who both directed and wrote the film) plays with something that is called repetition - simply because something is happening more than once to improve the dramaturgelly effect, and the second time around escalate evertything - in this case by making “It” visible, and something Jay now can take action against. The first time, when it happened to herself, she only heard the noice of a window getting crashed (or, it was Paul sleeping on her cauch who heard it and then alarms her). This is very effective since Jay sees the intrusion as it happens and she now have a moral obligation (as the protagonist also always should be a moral compass for the viewer and always act “right” to not alienate the viewer to much) to help him. Which she’s really tries to do. But as “It” takes the form of his mother, probably by confronting him in form of someone familiar but also with a boob hanging out so maybe tries to comfort him by breastfeeding, who now is banging on his door - and as he opens she jumps him and his storyline is now literally over.

An interesting detail that is established early on in the story is that one of Jay’s friends - Yara (played by Olivia Luccardi) - is reading The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoevsky on her “e-reader” and as she later on is hurt badly and put in hospital she use the text to “use it” on her friends and their situation. Especially Jay is reflected by it:

As she understands that she can no longer run from “It” but have to confront it (her fears, that seems to be related to giving birth as she sees “It” as a burned out woman who’s water just broke... and later as a very scary child that almost looks more like something of a monster in a video game) and no longer just run away frorm “It”. So they go to a swimming pool to set a trap for “It” and it finally seems that the gang has the upper hand in all this. A well telled story “always” make us feel like its all hopeless but then let a ray of light shine through!

As they are going, “It” now appears on the rooftopp in form of a naked man. As Jay drives out of the garage and out on the road, she gasps as she sees the man on the roof. Because he is naked? Maybe partly, but mostly because “It” probably have taken the form of her father - who have never been seen in the film, so he’s probably “out of the picture”, maybe because he was molesting her as a child and have been kicked out - or maybe, even better, put in prison for it.

As they set the traps around the pool they still feel they have the upper hand in the situation. But as Jay puts on her bathing suit and goes into the pool, some beautiful shots of her under water (and the reflection of her body on the surface) suggest that she no longer have a personal face and have lost herself to “It”. This goes hand in hand with the paragraph from The Idiot that Yara later reads to Jay in the hospital. The struggle and personal questioning gives her... if you all excuse my choice of words... depth.

As the final confrontation takes place nothing goes according to plan. All their planning and preparations is wasted in a blink of an eye. But as everyone who tackles with their personal problems in life realises that you can never plan your life to full - because so much other stuff is going to happen that you possibly can’t take into calculation, but rather have to be adaptive and improvise to overcome all obstacles - our group doesn’t give up but reorganizes and finally overcomes all problems. Together. Hiding all alone and trying to solve her problems all by herself wouldn’t help much but rather end in her death.

As Jay and Paul “find each other” (see: the gif where their hands toches) earlier on, they “finally have sex” but since it’s just for helping her, and he probably feels that she doesn’t really want, he doesn’t feel like it was so great that he hoped it would be. But as he stood by her all the time, and had more romantic intentions with her all along, they end up together. At least in a way. And as they walk down a road in the end, and we see a person walking behind them, we are suggested that they never fully killed “It” and that it’s still after them. Which probably both is a play with the expectations that horror movies ends with an “open road” to an sequel - but also tells us that even if we start to tackle our problems, trauma, with for exemple therapy, our ghosts will never really leave us alone. But that it’s getting easier by time, especially with someone on your side. Linou have studied film production for a year in Stockholm, and are now studying screenwriting in a program of three years (180hp) in Dalarna. This is what he came up with after re-watching the film and read “Hansel and Gretel” with his class and the teacher breaking down all terms for us.

[hotmessmarisa]

HOW TO GIVE HEAD LIKE A PRO. 🍆

We all want to be the proverbial goddess when giving head. There’s something sexy in being completely confident and knowing you’re going to send your man into ecstasy. It’s a pride thing... probably not gonna wear a shirt that says “DICK SUCKING CHAMP. EST 1995” (well, I might) but we do like knowing our man is well PLEASED. Walking around with a big goofy ass smile all day, kinda pleased. So here are a few of my best tips for giving amazing head.

NO TEETH. Unless he specifically TELLS YOU to use your teeth a little, the penis is so damn sensitive and nothing is worse than dragging your teeth on him. Open your mouth wide enough for him to only feel the soft inside of your mouth and tongue. If you’re pleasuring a more endowed man- cover your teeth with your lips if you have to. You do NOT want to be known as “The Dragon” behind your back. So don’t bite or drag your teeth!

Positioning. Have him sit, stand, lay down, or whatever position he enjoys the most. I’ve known some men who can only cum standing up, others are just happy to be there. 😂🤷🏼‍♀️ I like giving head in 69 bc the position is GOOD for taking him down my throat. (And you can sit on his face 😈) And this applies pressure to his chest/stomach which makes it hotter for him as well. Another crazy sexy move, is to be in sexy lingerie, laying on your back on the bed with your head hanging off the edge while he stands. It’s perfect for practicing deep throat. And for access to his balls with your hands and mouth.

What to wear. I like to be topless so I can tease him by rubbing my breasts against his thighs and pelvis. Or put his cock between your breasts and suck the head when it comes up to your mouth. 🤤 Ok, rabbit trail... back to clothes. This is personal preference. I suggest losing your inhibitions (and your clothes), bc you’re hot. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t be giving this blowjob to begin with. But do what works for you! The more comfortable you feel, the more fun you’ll have.

Start out slow, and focus on making him feel good. You can get him to cum in a bit- first just center in on his enjoyment. Tease him. Kiss him in his groin area and lightly touch. Kiss from his mouth down his stomach and all around his cock. Lick up and down and around his shaft. Take the head in your mouth and rub your tongue around it. Flick his frenulum with your tongue. I like to then start sucking just the head, lifting off, go down further, lift off, then slowly take him all the way into your mouth. (Use one hand to hold in place)

WET WET WET. The more spit, slobber, etc, the better. *pro tip? If your mouth is dry, take him all the way down your throat- it will hit your gag reflex and help your mouth make more spit. 😈 We will get to that in a min. You want this to be WET. Sloppy wet. Like, rub your face against his cock and balls and EVERYTHING is slippery, wet. Grab some lube if you need to. (I also keep a glass of water by the bed, or on the go 😂🤷🏼‍♀️)

MOAN. Humm, Moan, breathe heavy or whatever works for you. Let the noises come naturally. The dick sucking slurp noise itself is HOT. 🔥 The more ENTHUSIASM you have for doing it, the hotter it’s going to be. If you’re enjoying it, he can really relax and enjoy it too. The more verbal and sloppy this is- the hotter it will be and then faster he’s likely to cum.

Don’t ignore his balls. Gently hold, fondle/tickle them while you play. Also, take the time to lick them and put them in your mouth.

IF HE IS INTO IT- you can also lick/massage/press the perineum. Or go further back and give him a rim job as well. It totally depends on what your man is into.

Variety. You want variety. Alternate between licking his shaft, sucking the whole thing (or as much as you can), licking the frenulum, swirling your tongue around the head. Roll your tongue around him while you suck. Suck and lick his balls. Don’t neglect the shaft. The head has the MOST feeling, but the whole thing feels good- so mouth everything you can! If he’s particularly large, use both hands on his shaft to help alleviate the pressure to take it all into your mouth. If you need a break to breathe, it’s ok, just use your hands and go back to your mouth when you’re ready.

Go with his cues. Is he moaning? Keep that up. If he starts thrusting? Prob getting close- don’t change up your rhythm. I like to start out slow and be in full control. Then when he starts to get close, nothing is hotter than him holding my head and thrusting/face fucking me. It’s an amazing feeling for both of you, and I definitely recommend. Yes, there’s time to take quick breaths between thrusts. 😉 If you don’t like this loss of control, just stay in charge of the situation but don’t change up your rhythm when you can sense that he is close. (If you don’t know, have him tell you.) You CAN pull back if you feel uncomfortable. (Men, keep in mind that some women struggle with this due to sexual abuse. Make sure she’s into it before you start face fucking her) Seriously though, highly recommend- 5 stars. Lol

Use your mouth, tongue AND hands. When you get your hands involved, it typically makes them get there even faster. (Every man is different) I like to use one hand on the shaft with my mouth, and the other to play with his balls. You can jerk him up and down, line up your hand with your mouth while you suck or do a two handed twist combo on him while you suck. (One follower called this the GUCK GUCK 9000 🤣)

MAKE IT A SHOW. Men are SO visual. Look up and make eye contact with him while you suck or lick it. (Or while you spit on it, if you’re nasty 😈) Let him SEE and hear how much you like it and how much you want him. This is the most important part. Enthusiasm is literally everything here.

LOSE YOUR INHIBITIONS. It’s not going to be pretty. You’re going to possibly be a hot mess- mascara running down your face, slobber everywhere, maybe even snot. Don’t stress out about these things! You getting so freaky with him is a HUGE turn on. Gag away. I promise he’s NOT going to be grossed out by you.

Go for the deep throat! We are going to talk deep throat specifics in a separate post. You will need to train your throat to not gag as easily. It’s a whole subject in itself! But- gagging is hot. He’s NOT going to mind the sound, and you can always pull back if you need to. To deep throat- be in a position that lends easily to this. Upside down on the bed, 69, etc. You want his dick to easily go all the way into your mouth and throat. Keep your tongue and mouth relaxed, open wide - take him in then wiggle your head a little to take him further in. The more relaxed you are, the better! Jess the Prequel did a great little video on throat training your gag reflex to calm down. Will discuss this in detail later! I do like to practice on my man rather than a toothbrush but that’s me. 😈

Know beforehand if you’re going to let him cum in your mouth or not. Personally, I think swallowing is hot, but some men may prefer to cum on your tits/mouth/whatever. If you don’t want to swallow- you don’t have to! I wouldn’t make a big show of spitting in the sink and brushing your teeth though- no one wants to feel like they grossed you out. Be very discrete with that if you choose not to swallow. Men think it’s HOT when we want their cum. If you need a sucking break, you can keep working his cock with your hands while you tell him how you want him to cum in your mouth. 🔥🔥🔥 (and of course this is with someone you know and trust- if not- use a damn condom and for sure, don’t swallow- no one wants to get an STD here)

FINISH strong. You start out playing and teasing, build up until you can tell he’s close and then do NOT lose your rhythm. If you do, you may need to start over. 🤪 (think about if you’re about to cum and they start doing something completely different. Like “WAIT, NO NO! GO BACK!” It’s the same for men.) Once you have that rhythm and keep going- he’ll cum. Suck the cum out and swallow. (My opinion- you do what your comfortable with!) I like to suck it all up and off. 😈 So much freaking fun.

Annnddd now my mouth is salivating! 🤤 Just to wrap up- EFFORT and ENTHUSIASM are everything. If you’re putting your all into it and he knows YOU LOVE IT, it’s going to be hot as fuck. Trust me. You’ll end up with a face full of mascara and a VERY happy man. 😈 Got tips of your own? Feel free to leave in the comments! I’ll add some follower comments there as well. Happy Blowing! 😈😈😈🔥🔥🔥

[andrusi]

How to Be an Annoying Dickhead Who Hates Star Trek: Discovery

*filmstrip voice*

So you’re aware of Star Trek: Discovery, and you really have a problem with it.  Perhaps the fact that the props and sets don’t look like they were designed in the nineteen-sixties has done irreparable damage to your ability to pretend that Star Trek: The Original Series still looks futuristic.  Perhaps the only other Star Trek you’ve watched in your adult life was the Kelvin timeline films and so this is the first time you’ve noticed that the franchise has politics in it.  (For more on this, see our previous episode, “Shirking the First Duty: How to Convince Yourself That This Is the First Time Jean-Luc Picard Has Reflected Patrick Stewart's Left-Leaning Views.”)  Perhaps you’re just angry that almost none of the main characters are straight white men.  Perhaps you even have a complaint that isn’t abysmally stupid.  Whatever your reason, you’ve decided you hate Discovery.  Congratulations!  We live in a culture where everyone is allowed to have opinions, and many people, while disagreeing with you, will respect your right to that opinion.

But sometimes, just hating something isn’t enough.  If you’re an especially unlikable person, you may not be satisfied until everyone who enjoys Discovery hates you as much as you hate it.  Well, fear not!  With a little work, you can be a jerk nobody likes who ruins conversations with your mere presence!  And you don’t need a fancy “blog that people actually read” or a nonzero number of Twitter followers.  All you need is PING:

Be PUERILE.  Very little is more annoying than a never-ending barrage of childish insults that aren’t meaningful enough to argue with, so if you want to maximize how annoying you are, it’s obvious what you need to do.  You’ve probably already realized that, by abbreviating the title Star Trek: Discovery in a particular way, you can make it into “STD.”  It might occur to you that you never refer to Voyager and Enterprise as STV or STE respectively, but remember: your objective isn’t to be consistent, it’s to be meaninglessly insulting by comparing a show you don’t like to a sexually transmitted disease!  You might consider looking to other fandoms and copying the things they’re tired of.  Usually you’ll need to adapt them, but once in a while you might find something you can use as it is!  For instance, Super Mario Bros. fans have been putting up with jokes about getting high from mushrooms for over thirty years.  That’s thirty years of juvenile pseudohumor that you can aim directly at the mycelial network.

INSERT YOUR OPINIONS where they don’t belong.  Insulting Discovery in a debate about Discovery’s merits can be somewhat annoying, but everyone has gone into that discussion expecting it.  If you really want to be as obnoxious as you can, you need to seem utterly inescapable.  Start ranting about the show anywhere you can possibly make an argument for it being on topic.  Every discussion about prequels, science fiction, or streaming services is fertile ground for you to make sure everyone knows how much you hate Discovery.  Remember, though: work smarter, not harder.  Rather than spamming every form of social media, you can simply make just the right irritating and irrelevant comments in just the right place.  Thanks to research conducted in the early 2010s by Madoka Magica fans who were very sure their show was the first to ever depict magical girls having significant troubles, we've discovered the art of “complimenting” something by insulting something else.  Have you been enjoying someone’s fanfiction, or perhaps a Star Trek Online playthrough?  You can turn that into negativity!  All you have to do is leave a comment along the lines of “This is way better Trek than that STD crap.”

NO TRUE SCOTSMAN arguments are your friend.  Remember, you are both a Star Trek fan and an asswipe.  That means you are the sole arbiter not only of what constitutes Star Trek, but of what constitutes a Star Trek fan.  Obviously you can use this to pick random elements of Discovery that differentiate it from other shows and declare that they make it not real Star Trek, but the real power you wield is the ability to dismiss people as not being true fans.  Just insinuate, or even declare outright, that hating the same things you hate is a prerequisite for actually liking or understanding Trek, and you’ll be widely regarded as irksome in no time.  If you want to earn yourself a little bit of extra ire from everyone who’s ever sinned against you by thinking Saru is pretty cool, try making it about intelligence.  After all, if your opinions are the objective reality, then that means everyone who disagrees with you is wrong, and therefore stupid.

GO BATSHIT INSANE.  The less grounded in reality your words are, the less people will want to read and respond, and therefore the less happy they’ll be when you keep commenting.  Make up your own entirely baseless rules for how Star Trek works, regardless of whether they apply to previous series, so that Discovery can have violated them.  Deny basic facts about the franchise and about the real world.  Through the power of motivated reasoning, you can even invent from whole cloth a supposed copyright issue that prevents the series from being canon.

And there you have it!  Now you’re ready to join the legions of trolls who are out there derailing discussions.  If you want to be even more widely hated, you can even apply these to other works of fiction!  The “Dexit” movement has had great success using these tactics to make it uniformly unpleasant to talk about Pokémon on the Internet, and Transformers fans have quite a lot to say about true fans!  Just remember PING, and you, too, can be a goddamn pain in the ass who needs to just shut the fuck up already.

[entireoranges]

Trek fans are here and proud

An open letter to those who pitch thine fit and whine thine selves to sleep:

Do you wish to have some sharp cheddar with your whine? Perhaps some Camembert or a nice Brie? No? Alright. Thought I’d offer.

You are allowed to not like something. Thought it’d be best to get that out of the damn way. It’s 1,000% your right and I’m fine with it. That is your opinion and this is mine:

What I’m not fine with is the constant, unending, trite badmouthing. The moronic telling of outright lies, the instigation and insinuation that things are going to shit. You don’t know that. You are assuming.

Now, I might be talking about any old show in any old fandom, but no. This time I’m talking about Star Trek. Specifically the anger cast towards Discovery, and by association Picard.

Discovery didn’t have a good first year. I’ll freely admit to it. I thought it was damn clever, I liked the character arcs, I thought it was interesting. A little Klingon-heavy for my liking but all-in-all not too bad for a new show.

Before anyone says one word in the series the fandom at large on the internet doesn’t just REVOLT, they pepper their anger with acidic, hell acerbic remarks. Now recall these are mostly the same fans who haven’t had any Star Trek on TV since Enterprise left the air in the early 00’s. A show that in of itself had plenty of anger associated with it.

Burnham is a Mary-Sue or Tilly is annoying or that the show has nothing but politically correct SJW’s in it…hell…I’ve heard it all trust me. They were carrying on since second one. Was it because they made Micheal the adopted sister of Spock? Was it because the tone was too dark?

I don’t know what set them off but allow me to air some grievances:

1.) They’re all Politically Correct SJW’s: Well in a strictly Sci-Fi sense aren’t all members of Starfleet and the United Federation of Planets PC SJW’s? I mean think about it for a second. They are a society that values truth, honesty, even footing for everyone, it’s a culture of inclusion (example: Geordi with the VISOR is treated no differently than anyone else with normal sight), they are even a bit self-righteous sometimes (Captains Janeway, Sisko) but they operate within a society at large that is open and by and large inclusive to everyone as long as you aren’t a homicidal maniac hell bent on destroying the galaxy. Remember they tried to make friends with the Borg before they were forced to cede that they were unreachable. You make it sound like it’s a bad thing to have virtues that the characters of this series have always had. And you make it sound like it’s a bad thing. It’s not. It makes sense.

2.) Micheal Burnham is a Mary-Sue. Nope. She’s not. If you didn’t watch Season 2, go do that. Again the first season of any show is uneven at best and we saw growth in her character by the end but it was still very much in the awkward first season way. The second season she grows in all sorts of ways. The character comes alive. I for one loved Sonequa Martin-Green from moment one. She commands the scenes with substance and a sense of purpose.

3.) It’s not Star Trek. This is patently absurd. It is Star Trek. It might not be what you grew up with but it is Star Trek. I’m sure this is what the parents of TNG fans thought when that show began airing in 1987. Think about it. Did any of those sets look “correct” or in line with what had been established? It’s a generational gap. This is how the creators want it to look and feel. But it’s still Star Trek.

4.) It’s in an alternate reality/it’s not chronologically accurate: Nope. Prime timeline. Look…was I disappointed that the sets didn’t look like 1966? A little. A very tiny bit of me, sure. Did I realistically expect it? No. Is chronology ruined? Not at all. People forget that ships can change, tech can advance quite fast, and Starfleet loves to change uniforms, and interfaces on a whim. Did Enterprise look like it was 120 or so years before TOS? Nope. Did anyone bitch? Yep. Was it a bad idea to do a prequel? Not at all. But Discovery isn’t alternative timeline. It’s merely a cosmetic choice to have it look different. And they’ve been true to established canon too. The Cage happened before Discovery and TOS after it.

5.) I gotta PAY for it? I never PAID for it before! Physical media is dead. Streaming is king. From a business standpoint this makes sense. Discs are comically available for holdouts on Discovery Season 1. At $50 you are essentially paying for as many months as it would’ve cost you to buy the service and have access to a huge library of other content not just Discovery or all Star Trek TV Shows. Broadcast TV wasn’t going to take a risk on a prime time Star Trek TV show but much as UPN was anchored by Voyager when it began they surmised All Access would have similarities and it’d do good there. It has.

6.) Cut the female empowerment crap out it isn’t Star Trek: This one cracks me up. It isn’t? So characters like Uhura, Crusher, Janeway, Torres, Kira, Dax, and T’Pol aren’t all bad asses? They are. All of them. Strong, powerful women who excel at their jobs. What’s truly sad is I just mentioned about every series regular on all the shows and I didn’t even come up with enough for a bridge crew. I for one am happy to see the empowerment. Keep it up. It’s very Star Trek.

7.) Fine but I’m not treating this as canon: Fine sit in the corner and cry. This is stick in the mud to no end! Believe whatever you’d like, just realize that everyone who enjoys it realizes it is canon and you’re woefully behind because you’d rather believe your own headcanon rather than capitulate to what is on the screen.

8.) I’m going to derisively refer to the show as STD even though the official abbreviation is DIS and that fits in line with every one word Star Trek title since Voyager (VOY, ENT): Sure man whatever floats your boat or flies your starship. You do you. Does it annoy me? Absolutely. Will I probably assume you’re a troll if you use that abbreviation? Yup.

Fact is: I realize not every fan is going to like every show. I’m not honestly expecting them to. That’d just be foolish. But the amount of pure anger and vitriol hurled at Star Trek is insane.

When I was a kid, the show was nerdy, outcast, people didn’t watch it mainstream and it wasn’t cool at all. Star Wars was, but not Trek. Now? It’s trying to be cool. More space battles, epic panoramas, vistas, planets, exotic aliens��they want to create more. Do more. Be more. If you can’t appreciate that then I’m sorry.

There’s a lot more of this kind of Star Trek on the way. You won’t be seeing a return to TOS or TNG anytime soon so either buckle in for the ride or sit at home and rewatch those shows on your choice of discs or streaming services.

Gene Roddenberry created this franchise, Rick Berman and Brannon Braga changed it, and Alex Kurtzman changed it again. It’s just what it is. And at its core it still stays true to the original concept. Again I’m sorry if you can’t or won’t see that but that’s what’s happening.

If you’re looking for new TOS, check out Star Trek Continues on YouTube. Fantastic acting, storylines, etc. a virtual love letter to 60’s-era Trek.

As for Picard: You have seen one teaser trailer lasting under two minutes. Patrick Stewart is heavily involved in its production. It won’t be bad. Trust me on this.

If you’re looking for new Star Trek, sit down and get ready. There’s a whole lot of it coming soon!

[radiantseraphina]

WIP Challenge

Fair warning, this is a LONG post. Maybe now, you will all understand why I don’t get anything done. @sociallyunacceptableorb @chingkittycat I cannot wait to learn how you name your documents.

I was tagged by @siverwrites 

Oh, dear God. You’re all about to see the embarrassing amount of stuff I work on all at once across my multiple WIP folders

Challenge: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous.

Document4: A novel that I’m co-writing. It has a girl with mysterious powers and a scheming aristocrat. It’s kind of getting all my attention right now because deadlines for the publisher. It also has a character named Dorian, who I can’t take seriously after that ‘Funko Pop of Dorian Gray’ post.

STD Ch 2: STD is an unfortunate shortening of the title Silver-Tongued Devil, my Kirby fanfic where Nightmare keeps harassing Customer Service, a poor door-to-door salesman, into joining his monster selling company.

All Applicants Must Love Cats: The lesbian roommate serial killer novel.

Lord and Knight: Kirby fanfic that follows Sonata. Basically, Meta and Dedede become besties. It’s kind of like Once Upon a Dream but more...detailed? 

MetaJecra: Heh. Jecra is a young and super enthusiastic knight who is on a knightly mission to find a monster terrorizing a nearby village and stealing their children, so he goes into the woods, finds Meta (who is not stealing people’s children), and they end up in this huge mess that Garlude has to bail them out of. This is The Adventures of Sir Jecra the Magnificent and Blueberry that I’ve referred to a couple of times.

Modern DLU: This has every scene I’ve ever written and not yet used for DLU.

Overcoming Child Abuse: Someone...long ago, posted this AU about Meta leaving Nightmare and going through therapy, while raising Kirby. And Dedede is Meta’s neighbor and thinks Meta is very attractive, but Meta doesn’t get it. It’s like a...critique of how mental health is treated/finding a good psychiatrist. It’s okay to go to therapy and get medicine and help kind of thing.

Prince Fluff: Chapter Two for Spinning a Yarn, my Kirby fanfic.

Sonatina: The ending chapter for Sonata, one of my other Kirby fanfics.

Sugar-Spun: Kirby gets abducted by an evil wizard who wants to eat him, but it does not all go according to plan.

Superhero AU Galaxia: The Kirby superhero AU focusing on post-Haltmann experimentation Meta, his relationship with Galaxia, and Dark and Daroach having a buddy cop thing going on.

The Golden AU: The Golden Lady AU where Garlude and Galaxia are in love, and no one dies.

Barbazul: Bluebeard with lesbians.

Dame Ragnelle: Basically, The Wedding of Sir Gawain, but different. After refusing a man’s advances, Lunette is cursed to be a hideous monster by night unless she can find a man willing to marry her and give her equal footing in their relationship; this, of course, will only work if she doesn’t tell the guy to do this. Lunette’s sister disguises herself as a knight, goes to Arthur’s court, and tells Arthur to solve that riddle or die. So Arthur sets off on this journey to give Gawaine (who hates him) some Family Bonding Treatment(TM). And they run into Lunette, who starts to really have the hots for Gawaine.

Knight Slayer: It’s basically Gareth and Lynette with emphasis on Lynette and her role in basically leading a bunch of knights to their deaths in trying to save her sister.

Legacy: Mysterious Pengu lady arrives and slips Dedede a love potion. She wants to marry him and save her country. Meta is not happy.

Romcom: A romantic comedy involving a couple of Zelda cosplayers.

Sectoniadedede: AU where Sectonia and Dedede have an arranged marriage, while secretly pining for Taranza and Meta.

Seraphina: One of my attempts to work out my childhood abuse and my incredibly dark and complicated family history.

The Lady Hero’s Journey: This strange hero’s journey involving Appalachia and folk tales, set during the Year without Summer.

The Once and Future Queen: Artura Pendragon pulls the sword from the stone, and basically...it’s kind of King Arthur exploring rape culture. 

Astriferous: Woman destined to end the world per the wishes of the cult she lives in decides to run away with a powerful mage. In space.

Clarissa: A retelling of Samuel Richardon’s Clarissa, basically. But more modern.

Fire Emblem WIP: It’s about Corrin and Jakob.

Gerudo Fanfic: Remember that Zelda fic I wrote about a Gerudo transgender man becoming king? All the work for that is here.

GSA Fanfic: A Kirby anime fanfic.

IDEK plus drabbles: If you’ve given me an anon request that remained unanswered, it’s probably in progress here.

Lor: It’s about Magolor.

MetaxSectonia: It’s this...really creepy fic about Sectonia wanting to “remake” Dark in Meta Knight. 

Paging Anna: A reference to Anna Freud. After trying to take over Dreamland, Dedede makes Meta Knight go through this fifteen-step program to overcoming his traumatic childhood.

Sleeping Beauty: It’s Link and Midna post-Twilight Princess. Link falls into some sort of eternal sleep, so Midna and Zelda have to reunite to find a way to wake him up. And there are some really annoying fairies.

Tangled AU: Nightmare is a doting, but lonely wizard who makes himself a son...who is promptly stolen by Yin-Yarn and replaced with a bunch of lettuce, leading to Nightmare’s sort of comedic attack on the Queen of Expy medieval Germany.

The Witch in the Woods: A sort of prequel for Sonata that I never finished.

WIP: It’s literally a bunch of Kirby odds and ends. I have a chapter of Prayers and Miracles here. There’s some of Sonata, a little bit of Spinning a Yarn. Some of The Corpse Bride is here.

Zelda Fanfic: Link and Ganondorf are best friends until Destiny comes calling.

[bxxpbxxprichie]

Serendipity (Stozier) (1/?)

Summary : Richie Tozier feels like he’s on top of the world. He’s got a great boyfriend(ish), he’s going to college, and he lives with his twin brother, away from their crazy mother. However, when he meets Stan Uris, the new barista at his favorite cafe, his life will turn upside down.

Pairings : Eventual Stozier with mentions of Ryers, Benverly, Bike, and Eddie x OC. Little drops of Mileven.

Warnings : Some kissing, hints of sexy times.

AN : Yes, the beginning part of this fic is a IT/ST crossover! We will have the ST crew around for a few chapters before we focus completely on Richie, Stan, and the rest of the IT crew. This fic is based on @kareen2006 ‘s Kingdom Hearts fanfiction Save The Kittens!, which you can read HERE on AO3. You can also read the prequel/spin off to STK! HERE on AO3 You can also follow @savethekittensinfo .

Special thanks to @sleepystanuris for providing the OC featured in this chapter.

Part One / Two (Coming Soon)

It was cold, he remembered that. It was strange to think of something as cold when he was only just alive, but it was. His body was shuddering a little violently, and yet a paper thin blanket was thrown over his thin shoulders.

“Please stand, 5n73.”

He did, slowly. His joints cracked loudly at the sudden movement, and he looked up at the tall man in a lab coat standing before him, clipboard in hand.

“I’m going to perform your first check up. You will stay in the main facility to be trained for a while before being transferred over to the avian dome.”

He stayed silent for a moment, his shivering body stilled. “Where’s my family?” He asked quietly.

“You don’t have one. You’re the first of your kind.”

“Rich, c’mon. You gotta get up, we’ve got shit to do before class.”

“Ffffum om Michh.”

“Look, it was your decision to get drunk with Dustin and Will last night. Don’t take it out on me. Get your ass up.” Mike, now in Richie’s room, threw the blankets off of his twin brother.

Richie only groaned in response and turned over, successfully bumping into another body. He blinked blearily up at his brother and glared. “Can’t you get groceries on your own?” Richie asked, rubbing his eyes.

“I can, but mom’s going up today too and it’s your ass if you’re not there to see her.” Mike responded, reaching over to grab Richie’s glasses before handing them to the blinder of the two.

“Okay, okay. Let me get dressed.” Richie mumbled, shoving his glasses haphazardly on his face. He slid out of the bed and scratched his bare stomach as he padded gently to his closet.

“Do I have to leave?” A sleepy voice trailed to his ears, and Richie turned to look at the other person in his bed for a second. He grinned, seeing the soft brown tufts of hair that stuck up in all ends.

Richie grabbed a shirt and pulled it on, before grabbing a random pair of jeans and walking around to the other side of the bed. He leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to the boys lips, nose, and forehead. “That’s up to you. You’re always welcome to stay, or you can go home and come back. You know where we keep the spare key.”

Will propped himself up on his elbows, chasing Richie’s lips for another kiss. “I’ll head home and come back after class. We should talk about something.” Will lifted a hand to Richie’s face and touched it softly.

“Did I do something?” Richie asked automatically, perching himself on the edge of the bed and taking one of Will’s hands in his.

“No, no. I just think we need to...make some adult decisions.” Will told him gently, brushing his thumb over Richie’s fingers.

“Okay...I’m okay with that.” Richie grinned widely and leaned over to press another kiss to Will’s lips, before standing to pull on his jeans, and his shoes shortly after. “I’ll see you in a few hours then.” Richie winked at him, grabbed his phone and keys, and stepped out of his bedroom. He shut the door behind him to give Will some privacy and strode to the kitchen of he and Mike’s shared apartment.

“Good morning Janey-Bear.” Richie chirped, giving his brothers girlfriend a little side hug and a peck on the cheek.

“Morning Richie.” Her head rested against his for a moment before she resumed her work on the eggos in front of her.

Richie knew better, but he still reached and swiped a bite from her plate, and she responded by smacking him in the back of the head. “Get your own.” She growled.

Richie chewed through his grin and held up his hands in surrender. He walked around the bar and opened the fridge.

“The milk is bad, Richie.” Mike warned as he stepped into the front room.

“Then why is it in the fridge still?” Richie groaned, recapping the bottle he’d almost poured down his throat.

“Because someone doesn’t clean out the fridge when someone else asks them too.” Mike retorted.

“You’re such a stiff sometimes, you know that?” Richie scoffed, dropping the carton into the trash.

“No, I just like some sort of order in my life. You’re like one giant tornado.” Mike passed him and grabbed a poptart box from the pantry. He pulled it open and tossed one of the silver packages to his brother. “Eat on the way, we’ve gotta dash.”

Richie mumbled under his breath and started heading towards the front door.

“Did you brush your teeth?” Mike suddenly asked.

“Yes, mom.” Richie huffed, however the sour taste seemed to hit him just then, and he rolled his eyes as he headed towards the bathroom to take care of that.

Breath finally minty fresh, Richie and Mike headed out of the apartment and into Mike’s Ford Taurus. The car was nice enough, but sometimes it was pretty shitty. Richie played on his phone for most of the thirty minute drive to the grocery store between their hometown and their college.

By most, that meant Mike bringing up Will.

“So are you still fucking my best friend?”

Richie sniffed in response, paused his game, and looked at Mike. “What? Are you going to lecture me about the dangers of unprotected and premarital sex? I mean seriously, Mike...You treat me like I’m fifteen and not twenty one, just like you.”

“Jesus Christ, what’s got your panties in a bunch this morning? I was just asking if you guys were official yet or not...but you are using condoms, right?” Mike turned a corner, and looked quickly at Richie.

“No, we’re not official. I think that’s what he wants to talk about today though...and yes, we use condoms...sometimes.” Richie’s voice got softer as he continued talking, the last word sounding more like a squeak than anything else.

“Sometimes?” Mike reiterated, his grip on the steering wheel going tighter, “What if you give him an STD or something, Rich? When was the last time you got tested? I mean, really, how fucking stupid-”

“I’m not some whore, Michael! You know as god damn well as I do that Will is the only person I’ve been with for the past, what, six months? Just because I was banging other people before doesn’t mean I am now. Besides, he has just as much of a chance to give me an STD as I do him, so stop acting like he’s a perfect little boy like he used to be.” Richie and Mike fought often about Will. Will, who had been Mike’s best friend all throughout childhood. Will, who had confessed to being gay to Richie before telling Mike. Will, who had dated Richie for a few months in high school before they broke it off because it was the root of all problems between the twins.

And now Will, who continuously shared a bed with Richie whenever he wanted too. Will, who was a confident and strong young man. Will, who had just a right to fuck anyone he pleased as much as Richie did.

“I care about him too, Mike. But you can’t be up in our business. I can’t stand for things to go bad between any of us again, and especially not when Nancy isn’t around to mediate.” Sure, over the years the twins had gotten a whole lot better about fighting, but during high school they still had to call Nancy up every once in awhile to figure out and fix problems. They were adults now, and couldn’t go crying home everytime they got into a fight.

“I know, Rich. I’ll stay out of it. All of it. And if things work out, I’ll be happy for the both of you.” Mike gave Richie a sincere smile, which Richie returned.

By this time, the older of the twins was pulling into the parking lot. He was quick to find a parking space, and the two of them got out of the car.

“Damn flies.” Richie huffed, swatting at one that got too close.

They started into the grocery store and waited near the door for their mother. It was a tradition for them to go and get groceries together once a month. The twins would come, and so would their mom and Holly. It was an easy way to get some shopping done while also catching up with family.

A sudden burst of blonde hair raced through the sliding doors, and Richie had an armful of his little sister, her legs around his waist and arms around his neck.

“Hey, Squirt!” Richie grinned, pressing his face into her hair as he twirled her around.

“Hi Richie.” She replied, before dropping down to embrace Mike, who gave her a bear hug in turn.

“How are things going at school, Holls?” Mike asked her, once they stepped away.

“Good! I’m getting good grades, and staying away from boys! Promise!” Holly told them with a grin.

“Don’t lie to them, Holly. You were just telling me about some boy Peter.”

“Mooooooom,” Holly groaned, turning to their mother.

“Hello, boys.” Karen Wheeler greeted, pulling both into a hug at one time.

“Hi mom.” Both twins chorused.

“So, whose this Peter?” Mike asked, turning to look at the blonde girl.

“No one.” Holly crossed her arms over her chest and started ahead of them to the produce section.

Richie raised his eyebrows at their mother, and she shrugged gently.

“Apparently he asked her to the upcoming dance. I think it’s exciting.” Karen grabbed a basket, Mike following suit.

“No boys, Holly!” Richie called loudly.

“Richie!” She shouted back, throwing her arms out next to her.

Richie nudged Mike and the two of them snickered. They loved pushing her buttons.

His hair hung limp atop his head, much too long for his liking, and much too bright. The locks where white, almost translucent, matching his irises. He huffed a breath, pushing the hair out of his face for what felt like the billionth time that day as he studied. There wasn’t much else for him to do at this point in time but learn.

“Hey.”

He looked up, and smiled gently. It was Bill. Bill was nice. He liked Bill, and Bill’s charge. Bill was really tall and thin, and his hair was short. He wished he could change his hair, but he couldn’t yet.

“Has River named you yet?” Bill asked, taking a seat next to him.

He shook his head, “Not yet. My Link isn’t even fully functional.”

Bill frowned a bit, “Well, I don’t like calling you 5n73. It’s not right. You’ve been here for how long now?”

He shrugged, “A month or so. River said I should be able to use my Link any time, and then she’ll name me.”

Bill nodded slowly.

“Look at who I found.” That was Mike. Mike was nice too. He liked Mike.

“Hello, 5n73.” River grinned. She stood in the doorway of his lab, her black hair curled tightly as usual, and her lab coat open to reveal her outfit. A blouse, jeans, and a pair of heels. He liked the way River dressed. The other Technicians didn’t dress as nice as her, and they definitely weren’t as nice as her.

“Hi,” Stan responded a little quietly. He knew she was nice, but he felt like she could snap at any moment. Maybe he was passing judgement when he shouldn’t, but he hadn’t been alive long enough to make his own choices about people.

“Let’s hook you up.” She placed her clipboard on the table in front of him and walked over to the terminal, her heels clacking loudly in the quiet room.

“What? Really?” He asked, spinning around in his chair.

“Yeah huh, come over here.”

He rolled his chair over in front of the giant screen. With gentle hands, River brushed his hair away from his ear and grabbed the chord that lead to the Terminal. She put the chord in his ear and the Terminal lit up.

“Woah.” He mumbled to himself.

“Sorry it took so long. We were having some difficulties. But you can access your Charge catalogue, as well as change up your features. And, I picked out your name.” River patted his head softly.

“What is it?” Bill piped up from the side.

“Stanley. Stan.”

Tag List: @soybean-bitch @losver-tozier @bellsd129

If you would like to be tagged, please let me know HERE

[doubleddenden]

I posted 12,082 times in 2021

3427 posts created (28%)

8655 posts reblogged (72%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 2.5 posts.

I added 5,724 tags in 2021

#toonami - 3368 posts

#food wars - 472 posts

#black clover - 422 posts

#nart - 369 posts

#mha - 258 posts

#fire force - 216 posts

#fena: pirate princess - 167 posts

#yashahime - 161 posts

#harley quinn - 147 posts

#demon slayer - 144 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#idk i'll like write your thesis or be the pretend boyfriend or honorary big brother that gives advice in exchange for some health insurance

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

"God hasn't been part of the world of science for 10 billion years"

12 year old Edward Elric has a rival for cocky edgy anime angsty atheist

122 notes • Posted 2021-05-16 05:19:52 GMT

#4

A legendary Japanese sword???

El Dorado?

Joan of Arc?

Eden???

German accents?

This show is literally going everywhere

147 notes • Posted 2021-09-12 04:11:24 GMT

#3

I've seen some dead bodies in anime, but that was somehow one of the deadest bodies I've seen in a long time

158 notes • Posted 2021-09-19 04:19:56 GMT

#2

"I thought you three are close?"

Bakugo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Todoroki: We're best friends

Bakugo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa

328 notes • Posted 2021-09-05 04:37:49 GMT

#1

After my last post from 2019 started blowing up again, I think it's time to reassess the timeline in 2021 so far as of late September to see wtf is going on

Ahem

Nintendo is teaming up with the guys behind Despicable Me to make a Mario movie, and not only are casting Charles Matinet as every other character than the ones he voices, but casted Chris Pratt as Mario, Charlie Day as Luigi, Seth Rogan as Donkey Kong, and Jack Black as Bowser, and everyone hated it (with exception to Jack)

Sonic has another movie on the way after a decent success on the first one, Idris Elba is Knuckles, and everyone loves it

In pokemon, we have not just one Sinnoh Remake, but a remake and a prequel in the works. Both do not look how fans intended

Digimon had a live script reading for Tamers wherein they had to fight political correctness and cancel culture. The director of this critically aclaimed series apparently fell very deep into conspiracy theories and you can read his descent via his blog

Tobyfox gave us another chapter of Deltarune and it's either a chucklefest of explosions, gay, gamer, and *big shots*, or deeply disturbing on a level only this maniac can provide

There is consideration to release a new cut of TLoTR that lasts a WEEK

Taco bell has a chicken sandwich now. A chicken sandwich taco that is neither sandwich nor taco (but decent)

People are injecting themselves with horse medicine for parasites, and this medicine makes you shit yourself and can leave you impotent. This instead of taking free FDA approved vaccines to help prevent and/or weaken a virus that can kill you and/or make you impotent.

Nikki Minaj refuses the vaccine because her cousin's friend allegedly took it and their balls swelled up, because that couldn't be anything else that's been reported, like an STD

We still have assholes advocating for body autonomy when it comes to vaccines but in the same breath scream demands to take away abortion rights and they see no irony

Why the resistance still? They are afraid of being tracked with microchips and 5g. Yet find no irony in driver's licenses, social security numbers, passports, medical files, dental files, and tax records being available for everyone, let alone Facebook and other social media sites collecting and selling their personal data. They think that each of them are that important that the government would invest millions into tracking them personally when its already incredibly easy to

Batman has a webcomic about all the bats and Robins and such, and it is wholesome as shit

One of the best writers Doctor Who has ever had is coming back to the helm after being replaced for years

There was a literal 3d virtual concert for Pokemon starring Post Malone, who sang about cowboys making him cry and how he was "only in it for the sex" as a majestic Lugia flew by

21 Pilots had a virtual concert of their own in god damn ROBLOX

Speaking of virtual, there was a virtual museum to the Civil Rights Movement added to... *checks notes*... Fortnite.

Kirby is actually going to have a 3d game. Not just 2.5D, like Mario Odyssey 3d.

The first billionaire went to space after underpaying his employees and leaving them with terrible work environments, and bragged about it on live TV in a cowboy hat, and not only did he not break the atmosphere, he unfortunately came back

There's apparently a 3d MLP movie that talks about xenophobia, propaganda, and historical revisionism. Idk I just found out too

Rugrats is back and Stu is a gamer

iCarly is back and Carly and Freddie were propositioned for a threesome

Drake Bell was convicted of child endangerment

Josh Peck is Turner in a Turner and Hooch reboot and is thriving

Flip phones are back in a weird way

We had attempts to violently overthrow our government this year and the organizers are just out playing golf and planning sedition like it's just another Monday

Ted Cruz liked porn on his Twitter account publicly. Again.

Grimes and Musk split up, still no word on his plans for real life cat girls

Star Wars. Is anime now. Which is awesome

See the full post

496 notes • Posted 2021-09-27 22:53:39 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[professorpalmarosa]

Commander Charon (Frugal Ferryman)

Charon’s one of those characters you either really love or really loathe. I personally love him and was way too excited when I found his journal in the Silph Co. building in HGSS! Honestly, he may be my favorite in the entire franchise...

He’s also the only Team Galactic Commander who (for the most part) is relatively consistent with his personality. His anime version had that delightful laugh and mildly sarcastic attitude I enjoyed in the game. His Special/Adventures and DPA counterparts just cranked that snark up to 11 and went over the top with it. He was a melodramatic ham, yes, but a recognizable melodramatic ham.

He makes me smile. He makes me laugh. He makes me feel a little less weird about my steadily increasing Rotom collection. And, naturally, I have to have him play a major role in my Platinum prequel fan-fiction Pokemon Dawn & Dusk!

Going into this, I knew there were two things I wanted to do when creating Charon’s blend (Frugal Ferryman):

It needed to smell like old people (but in a good way)

It needed to use at least one of the most ridiculously expensive oils in my collection (because Charon thinks he’s worth it).

And yet somehow, the main oil in this synergy ended up being neither of those things. It ended up being my December Oil of the Month from Plant Therapy: something so obscure and rare that I can only order it from them over the phone!

It’s Cubeb Essential Oil: a mildly peppery scent that promotes pain relief, respiratory health, and digestive health. By itself, it kind of smells like soy sauce. I was stumped on how I could use it, but then I did some research to see what it paired with…

…bingo!

To get that “old person” smell, I added CO2 Supercritical Bulgarian Lavender (which made the blend smell just like these half-fossilized bath cubes my grandmother’s hoarded in her bathroom since the late 1980s) and Ylang Ylang III.

To give you some idea, Ylang Ylang is known as “king of the flowers” and has the obnoxiously high price tag to match. It’s great for hair care, is lauded as a powerful aphrodisiac, but typically only succeeds in making me sleepy due to its strong sedative properties.

Earlier, I made note that one of these bath bombs knocked me out in the tub and I woke up a couple of hours later. It was this one. This bomb means business and isn’t for the faint (or weak) of heart.

Together, the blend starts out with an “old lady’s powder room” type of floral…but then the peppery notes of the Cubeb come back to give it a more masculine bite. I really like the way this one smells…but the way it looks is even more dramatic. There’s so much purple in this one that you can’t even see your body in the water!

Now it’s time to talk about the pros and cons of these oils from a safety perspective…

Aromatherapy isn’t just about pretty smells and scented bath water. Essential oils are in such a high concentration that even absorbing them through your skin can leave you with the therapeutic (and potentially toxic) benefits.

If you are allergic to a plant, you are 100% without question going to be super allergic to the essential oil.

There’s also such a thing as contraindications: where some oils may affect you in weird ways if you have a certain medical condition or take certain medications.

The information below is for your safety if you want to attempt to make this blend at home (as a bath bomb, a body spray, or even scented bath salts). And do be sure to wear gloves. Some of these oils have recommended dilution rates as small as 0.4%. You don’t want that to slide on bare skin!

Cubeb

The Javanese Cubeb plant (Piper cubeba) is known by many names, but is cultivated mostly for its fruit and essential oil. The smell is very aromatic (kind of peppery, really pungent, slightly bitter, and it lingers). The aromatherapists say it smells like a cross between Allspice and Black Pepper (both of which you can get as essential oils), but I’m calling bullshit.

It smells like soy sauce. It pairs well with clove, rosemary, and most wood oils.

I’d never heard of this oil until I got it as Plant Therapy’s December Oil of the Month, nor did I have any idea how to use it. A quick Google search told me this is one of the oldest essential oils used by mankind, dating as far back as the 4th Century BC!

Cubeb was used by ancient Greek pharmakons, along with medieval alchemists. Even some modern witchcraft rituals use this fantastic plant--and I’d never freaking heard of it.

Pros

:

It’s an aphrodisiac! There’s nothing quite like a superconcentrated dried pepper to put you in the mood, I guess. People used to use this thing to treat infertility, impotence, ED, gonorrhea, and other STDs. And apparently, the two things I mixed with the Cubeb for Charon’s blend also have this aphrodisiac property. Ladies~

Feeling bloated? Cubeb’s here to help! Sometimes you really have to fart and it won’t come out. So you bloat, feeling all that painful air trap inside you with no way out. Cubeb Essential Oil has a carminative (gas-relieving) property to help you break wind discretely and safely. However, if chronic flatulence becomes a regular thing for you, contact your healthcare provider.

Feeling a little blocked up? Can’t breathe well? Cubeb’s fantastic for breaking up phlegm, calming down asthma, relieving congestion, and helping you ward off that nasty cough once and for all! For even faster results, pair it with Cajeput Essential Oil, Eucalyptus Globulus Essential Oil, or Camphor Essential Oil.

Flush out toxins! Cubeb has diuretic properties. It stimulates your kidneys to excrete more liquid, which in turn flushes out any toxins in your body. This can include stuff like uric acid, salt, cholesterol, and fat.

Tired joints? Maybe Cubeb can be of assistance! Some Ayurvedic medicine practitioners use Cubeb Essential Oil to alleviate aches and pains from joint and bone problems.

Cons

:

By itself, it smells like freaking soy sauce. I cannot reiterate that enough. If you diffuse this at work (true story), people are going to assume you have something delicious at your cubicle and won’t stop hounding you for it. That’s really frustrating when you’re trying to run a QA test!

Due to its high sequiterpene content, this is not a cat-safe oil.

Cubeb Essential Oil (when overused) runs the risk of increasing the sensitivity of your stomach and intestines. Don’t use this oil if you’re taking antacids, have acid reflux disease, or take medications to decrease stomach acid.

Some people have reported irritated skin after prolonged use of Cubeb.

Avoid using this oil if you are pregnant, plan to become pregnant, or are nursing.

This is not a child-safe oil. Avoid this essential oil (and bath bomb) for any children under the age of 12.

Never apply this oil neat (undiluted) on your skin or ingest.

Due to Cubeb’s strong diuretic properties, avoid usage if you are suffering from kidney disease.

Lavender

Pros: Lavender is one of your best friends when it comes to restlessness, insomnia, anxiety, and depression. It’s also great for loss of appetite, nausea, vomiting, gas, and a fussy stomach. It’s also remarkable for pain relief in cases where you’re troubled by migraines, toothaches, sprains, nerve pain, and joint pain.

Some folks even apply Lavender Essential Oil to the skin for hair loss and pain. It’s also safe to apply this one neat (on your skin) for most people.

Cons:

Lavender has also been shown to slow down the central nervous system when used on the regular. If you plan to go under for surgery or anything else with anesthesia, please avoid using Lavender Essential Oil two weeks ahead of the scheduled procedure.

Lavender should not be used by prepubescent and pubescent boys, as it can warp certain hormonal reactions and greatly increase risk for gynecomastia (male breast growth).

If you are taking a sedative, adding Lavender Essential Oil to the mix may create too much drowsiness. Exercise caution!

Ylang Ylang III

Pros:

Fight insomnia! Ylang Ylang is a natural sleep aid and very effective. However, its sedative properties are so strong that you might want to avoid using Ylang Ylang in the morning or if you intend to drive or operate heavy machinery. Pull this oil out right before bed or at least once you’re in for the night. It’s worked for me!

Repel head lice! Ylang Ylang can be used in a combination spray to repel and even kill head lice. Developing evidence suggests that a homeopathic blend of coconut oil, anise oil, and ylang ylang oil had a 92% effectiveness rate on killing those unwanted creepy crawlies in children’s hair.

Lower high blood pressure!

Increase your sex drive! Ylang Ylang is a natural aphrodisiac and has been used for millennia for that exact purpose. There’s a reason this flower is also known as the King of the Flowers.

Cons:

Ylang Ylang Essential Oil is considered to be universally safe for general use. However, it is not safe to diffuse around a cat.

When I said this thing is a sedative, I freaking meant it. I am a relatively healthy 28-year-old woman and this bath bomb knocked me out in 20 minutes. I stayed asleep for a solid 2 hours. If you plan to use Charon’s bath bomb, make sure you have absolutely no other plans for the rest of the day and leave the bathroom door unlocked. There’s a good chance you’ll pass out in the tub.

[deanstits]

AU Fic Rec, Part 4

Modern AU

Buckle the fuck in children, this is going to be long and uhhhhhhhhh long.

Modern AU - Anything set in current day, but not in the SPN universe. A lot of the BDSM/sex worker fics fit into this category but obviously??? They belong on the ever important BDSM list. Duh.

Let’s get fuckin ready.

Part One - BDSM

Part Two - Sci-FI/Fantasy

Part Three - Historical Setting

____

1. The Last Great Race - Kicking it off with a bang. Cas is a reporter, he goes to Alaska to cover the Iditarod - the dog sled race. Dean is participating and so is Sam and there are so many huskies and also romance. It has a prequel time stamp. It is lovely and I love it and read this right now.

2.  Pies and Prejudice - This is on my Top 8, but it’s a Pride and Prejudice Great British Bake Off Modern AU Fusion. Dean is Liz and Cas is Darcy. Please read this it’s wonderful and also cake is involved.

3. Between The Lines - Fam, Okay, I thought this was going to be Garbage but it’s not. Environmentalist Cas gets in a twitter feud(!!!!) with Western Actor Dean and they make a bet to live in off the land for a week and it’s. Amazing. Enemies 2 frends 2 luvrs. Trust me.

4. And Then You Destroy Yourself - The only Non-BDSM College AU worth reading. Cas is a freshman, he joins the College Newspaper, there is drama and mystery and intrigue. And Gay. The underage drinking is bit cringe but it’s very in character for college students, so what r u gonna do.

5. Love In The Wild - This is a hilaaaaarious Reality Show AU. Dean goes on a dating show and does challenges and meets the luv of his life, u kno? What more do you need. There is sex.

6. Through Basin And Range - Yeee buddy, Road Trip Fic!!!!! Dean and Cas are there but have broken up and it’s rough, and Sam is there also but he is sexting Kevin for some reason. Cas is spending the summer working on a thesis for his Geology Masters (master of rocks), and Sam n Dean tag along. This story really is lovey. It’s only on LJ though, so. :/

7. Unintended - Lawyer Cas bids for Fire Fighter Dean in a date auction and honestly. The sex in this is so good, like I lost this fic for three years but still remembered The Scene (You’ll know the one, that shit is hardly ever seen outside of PWP). This fic is so slept on. You need to read it. I think they live in Washinton or something. Maybe NYC. I forget, I’m busy thinking about The Scene.

8. Your Heart Makes - Ok so there are Three Disney Land AUs in this fandom that I know of. One of them is garbage, one of them is pretty good, and the last is incredible and it’s ur lucky day because the incredible one is this one. Castiel suffers from pretty bad depression, and is just trying to get through life, day by day. Insert Dean w/ a heart condition. There’s love, there’s slow build, there’s disney ride hand jobs. It’s a good time.

9. Any Little Heartbreak - I just reread this one recently! Heart Surgeon Dean! Surgery Nurse Cas! Enemies to FWB to Lovers! It’s like Scrubs meets... some sort of medical drama. Whatever, it’s a trip, and Meg is so fun.

10. Bearing Point - This fic is lovely and fun and it’s construction Dean + restoration expert Cas. I have beef with this fic, in that the author made Dean gay, instead of bi or pan and for me, a huge bisexual with strong emotional ties to Dean’s bisexuality, it kind of grated on me a bit and ruined the immersion. But, if you’re not a big baby like me, this fic is lovely and wonderful and they literally build homes together and also get nasty.

11. For All You Young Hockey Players Out There, Pay Attention - SPORTS AU. I don’t like sports but SPORTS AU. Dean is a hockey person. Something something NHL. Dean plays the sports with his brother. They get a new player from russia, but Dean is >:( bc they traded out his bff so Cas is The Enemy. Enemies to grudging friends to lovers. Coming out. Homophobic confusion. This fic is wonderful and lovely and sports. If you love destiel and you love Check Please, then this is the AU for U.

12.  Fourth Time’s the Charm - Ooooooooh, age gap fic. Cas is a comic book artist, Dean is a fan who goes to conventions. He’s also a virgin. :) Here is a direct quote from the summary: ‘Dean shyly fumbles his way through his first real relationship.’ Literally what more do you need? Literally?

13. If At First You Don’t Succeed (Destroy All Evidence That You Ever Tried) - lmao this fic is ridiculous. Inspired by the HIMYM episode, the three days rule, Dean replaces his number in Castiel’s phone to test he’s not being too eager when he meets girls. sexting ensues and Dean is !!!!! Gay Panicked. I love it, read it now, it’s sexy.

14.  Prosopagnosia -  This one is Teen and Up, I know, I am shocked that I’ve included it too. But it’s such a sweet story. Castiel works in a Gas n’ Sip and he has a cognitive disorder that means he’s face blind. He can’t recognize anyone, which makes his blossoming relationship with Dean a bit complicated. But they work around it. The Impala plays an important role.

15. Run Boy Run - FAM OK FAM PLS. Blind! Dean wants to compete in the Boston Marathon, but he needs a guide people to help him navigate obstacles and the other contestants. Castiel’s brother signs him up and he’s reluctant, but then he meets Dean and uhhhhhhh it all works out. It’s so sweet. Read it. Teen and Up again??? I’m srry, but it’s really good.

16. Yellow - Here’s another I haven’t read yet, but. It’s Elizabeth1985 and also it’s Cas in Witness protection and the excerpt I read places it firmly on my favourites list. Ex-mobster Cas, They are bartenders, there is falling in love, there is also fucking yeaaaa buddy, back on the sexy bandwagon.

17. Rough Seas - Dean is a Lieutenant Commander who moves home with a toddler and he’s involved with the Coast Guard, and he used to know Cas but there was gay panic and so things are tense and angsty and wonderful and this fic is amazing. SLOW BUILD. LOVERS TO ENEMIES TO FRIENDS TO LOVERS. Literally the best. There is a sequel which is almost as long. This fic is so lovely.

18. Asunder - This fic my guys, this fic. Please send help. Social Worker Dean. Recovering Heroin addicts Sam and Ruby who are getting married. They go to Bobby’s for the wedding. I forget how Cas fits in but he’s there and it’s lovely and so well written and wonderful and honestly? A Classic. If you read anything from this list, read this fic.

19. Satin and Sawdust - Lmao u guys u know me. Dean in panties love story. It’s on my Top 8. There’s capentry, there’s gay panic Cas, there’s satin and lace and soft cotton and also Dean has two cats. Read this right now.

20. Living In Agony - THIS FIC MY GUYS. I had three people read it from my Top 8 and they all died and met me in heaven bc i also died when I read it bc it is so. Lovely. Angst, mental illness, teachers Cas and Dean, Gabriel and Charlie are there also, Jess is a delight, Sam is in love with green smoothies, the sex is ridiculous (there is one line that helped shape me as a person and you will know which it is and you can blame this fic for all of the absolute filth that comes out of my brain. Read this right now.

21. Inevitable Homoeroticism in Spanish Romantic Heroes - :) Okay so Dean is a Grad student and Cas is a professor and it’s academic and sexy and not really a college au and I read it like four years ago and I still think about it. I suggest it very highly!!!

22. Get Some - Dean is in college and needs a place to live. He goes to live with Castiel, at the stoner house. Gay Panic happens and there are drugs and loads of casual sex and it’s honestly a good time. A bit angsty but mostly thumbs up muy bueno.

23.  That Summer - Short and sweet, lost love, this fic is so lovely and wonderful. It does feature an age gap with underage Dean so, if that’s not your bag... He is 17 at the time. Farmer Cas! Love and exploring sexuality!

24. Rvr Ro11435 - Destiel works at Nasa!!! Neither are astronauts but they are smart cookies who help send people to space. It’s tagged as an office romance. It’s cute.

25. The Way to a Man’s Heart is Through Chlamydia - One night stand. Dean gets an STD. Has to find his boo and tell ‘em about the STD. There’s fun sex and love and one of them is a baker and the love is so sweet and I love this fic. And I’m psure Cas gets a cat.

26.  Say a Prayer and Light a Candle - College AU where Cas struggles with dating agnostic Dean bc he is very Jewish, and it’s important to him and his family. This fic is special, and really culturally rich. I love it. Little bit of Angst, mostly love and sweetness.

27. Painted Angels - Fuck u this one is hurt of my heart. The Angst is Unreal. Dean is an artist. Or, he was an Artist. Lost Love, which gets found again. Cas returning to town a decade later. All the good shit.

28. Small Town Charmer - SMALL TOWNS! DEAN AND CAS! THEY RUN BUSINESSES AND FALL IN LOVE! Errrrrrr OTHER STUFF HAPPENS! This fic is lovely and great and if you don’t read it then u a dum dum.

29. Summer Holds a Song (We Might Sing Forever) - :) Age difference. Body worship. Dean Winchester described as a Greek God. The fucking is so hot. The love is so sweet. It’s short, but you gotta read this.

30. The Great Escapist - This fic is so sweet. College roommates Dean and Cas spend the summer together and fall in love. I don’t remember if there is Gay panic but like... I’m pretty sure.

Okay! 30 seems like enough. Maybe in the future I will do a part five. We’ll see. :)

____

Top 8 Personal Favs

[idestroyhumanity]

The new old ENTERPRISE isn’t a bad looking bird...but she shouldn’t need to exist because DISCOVERY should never have been a prequel. It would have worked so much better, and would have been much more widely accepted, had it been set in a post-TNG timeframe free from cannon-stomping and needless changes to what has gone before. I am honestly intrigued by the prospect DISCOVERY season three for this very reason. And what looks like a dying Federation has definite overtones of #BryanSinger’s STAR TREK: FEDERATION pitch. Here’s hoping that fact doesn’t spur a lawsuit. #disco #tng #startrek #std #ncc1701 #enterprise #discovery https://www.instagram.com/p/B4LMt1ijQD5/?igshid=1qpqiheuj5dc4