#it's known to make people hallucinate it's known to show things that aren't there. it can fuck with technology

[ruvviks]

toying with the idea of making yancey's friends not real. would that be too evil

[schizopositivity]

could you share any more under-talked about symptoms of schizophrenia, like executive dysfunction?

I've actually been meaning to make a post like this but keep forgetting (lol that's a symptom). As a disclaimer, not everyone with schizophrenia has every one of these symptoms, and people can have a lot of these symptoms and not have schizophrenia (if they don't have the psychotic symptoms). Not all of these symptoms are seen as diagnostic criteria, some have just been observed to be very common in people with schizophrenia. (I'm excluding hallucinations and delusions because they are more well known)

• Paranoia: a pattern of behavior where a person feels distrustful and suspicious of other people and acts accordingly. This can go hand in hand with hallucinations and delusions.

• Disorganized thoughts: this can mean a lot of things. It can be not having a linear train of thought, having incoherent thoughts, thought blocking, general disorganized thoughts. (It can be hard to define because it is often hard to describe for the person experiencing it).

• Disorganized speech: this is often a result of the disorganized thoughts. This can include loose associations like rapidly shifting between topics with no connections between the topics. Perseveration, which is repeating the same things over and over again. Made up words that only have meaning to the speaker. Use of rhyming words without meaning. Word salad, which is when cognitive disorganization is severe, it can be nearly impossible to understand what the person is saying, but the person speaking doesn't know they aren't making sense.

• Trouble concentrating: lack of concentration, switching from topic to topic, not being able to focus on one thing. (This is pretty self explanatory).

• Movement disorders: catatonia can be repetitive non goal directed movements. It can also be complete or partial immobility, mutism, vacant staring, and rigidity. Although not a symptom, tardive dyskinesia can occur in schizophrenia as a result of antipsychotics medication.

• Anhedonia: a loss of pleasure in activities that the person once enjoyed. Or the inability to feel pleasure at all.

• Atypical or non-existent emotional expression: Flat or blunted affect is an inability to show emotions characterized by a lack of facial expression, a monotone voice, and no hand gestures. On the other hand people can also have inappropriate affect, where the emotional expression doesn't align with typical reactions or even the person's own feelings.

• Alogia: when someone speaks less, says fewer words or only speaks in response to others. This can be a result of disorganized thoughts.

• Social withdrawal: avoiding people and activities that someone once enjoyed. Not actively being present during social situations. Can progress to total isolation.

• Avolition: a severe lack of initiative to accomplish purposeful tasks. This is a big reason some people with schizophrenia can't work/go to school, can't do chores, and can't keep up with their basic hygiene. Even if the person wants to do these tasks, it may be extremely difficult or impossible for them to get themselves to start or complete the task due to the lack of motivation.

• Executive dysfunction: a behavioral symptom that disrupts a person's ability to manage their own thoughts, emotions and actions. This can include focussing too much on one thing, being easily distracted, spacing out, struggling to switch between tasks, problems with impulse control and trouble starting difficult or boring tasks. Several schizophrenia symptoms fit into the umbrella of executive dysfunction, so when researching you will either see the specific ones listed out, or just simply described as executive dysfunction.

• Alexithymia: significant challenges in recognizing, expressing, and describing one's own emotions.

• Poor memory: this can include working memory deficits like trouble planning, organizing, and carrying out daily chores such as running errands, because it requires mentally formulating a “to do” list organized by time and location. Many people with schizophrenia also report trouble with their episodic memory, which means they have trouble recollecting things in the context of their place and time. (A lot of sources say "trouble with memory" is a symptom but they don't specify).

• Trouble with decision making: people with schizophrenia have been shown to have trouble with decision making due to a decline in the understanding and reasoning aspects of it.

• Sensory processing deficits: this has been widely reported in schizophrenia, and include impairments in visual processing, auditory processing, olfactory and sensorimotor systems. This can lead to having strong positive or negative reactions to sensory information.

• Sleep troubles: though disturbed sleep isn't included in the diagnostic criteria for schizophrenia, it is still a significant problem that up to 80% of people with the condition experience. People with schizophrenia may have various sleep problems, including insomnia, excessive daytime sleepiness, and trouble with consistent sleep routines.

• Anosognosia: also called "lack of insight," is a symptom that impairs a person's ability to understand and perceive their illness. This is a big reason people with schizophrenia may refuse to get, or stay with treatment.

[manicpixieyandere]

The Genius Of Not Labeling Jinx

The Messiness Of Labels

Jinx from Arcane is known as the poster girl for borderline personality disorder, but today we wanted to talk about some of the other conditions she has symptoms of (but doesn't necessarily qualify for) and why it was smart to not label her.

Let's go over the different conditions Jinx could have:

Of course first we have BPD. Not gonna spend too much time on this one but she hits all nine of the diagnostic criteria!

Schizophrenia:

Jinx is seen to hallucinate many times in the show. She gets visual hallucinations of her family she has guilt over killing. She experiences overlays of child like drawings. She has auditory hallucinations and delusions as well.

BPD can come with hallucinations and delusions but it tends to more often be auditory hallucinations and delusions of grandeur than anything else. Schizophrenia and bipolar are the conditions more likely to cause the type of psychosis Jinx experiences.

DID/OSDD:

An argument could also be made for Jinx nearing a dissociative disorder. We haven't seen much of the show from the season two trailers, but they do seem to be hinting at Jinx embracing Powder a bit more.

It is common in BPD for the person to believe they are a completely different person than their past self. We think this is well represented in characters like Spinel from Steven Universe or Ashley Graves (Leyley) from The Coffin of Andy and Leyley. This is of course also shown in Jinx with Powder.

But Jinx and Powder's differences go a bit beyond the typical BPD self image issues. Their personalities while similar, are quite different. And instead of Powder staying purely in the past, Jinx switches between the two personalities. You can see her face change to be more soft like Powder in certain scenes. (They quite literally transform her face).

Some other differences are; Jinx is represented by pink, while Powder tends to be blue. Jinx is left handed while Powder is right handed (she uses her left to shoot, right for other stuff). Jinx is the daughter of Silco, Powder is the daughter of Vander. Both are the child of Zaun.

Jinx is of course also known to dissociate in many scenes. (As a side detail we just love how well animated the face acting is).

While Jinx fits BPD best it is also important to note that comorbidity is a real thing. While rare, all three of these conditions can be had at the same time. Personality disorders and dissociative disorders especially tend to be comorbid.

The most likely reason Jinx isn't diagnosed with anything is stigma. Giving a terrorist a mental illness may come off a demonizing. But Jinx is still loved by the neurodivergent community because her symptoms and trauma are treated with care. She's a fun relatable character. But we think another genius reason is because she's all encompassing. Saying she has BPD may make anyone who doesn't have BPD immediately think "oh, well then I won't find her relatable". But in an age where fandom likes relatability and kins the most, you cannot afford that. Instead really any neurodivergent can see themselves in her.

This is both a smart strategy but also just an accurate portrayal of how real life ends up looking. Medical conditions are technically social constructs. That's not to say they aren't real, but that they are labeled by humans. It's a list of behaviors the body or brain executes. But humans are messy! Who's to say one person is gonna nearly fit into that BPD box? Eventually you get to a point where you have someone diagnosed with 10 or so mental conditions! (Hi yes it's us, we have been diagnosed with 10). Humans were not made to fit into boxes. You see this pattern with queer identities all the time as well. The creation of microlabels has greatly helped people categorize and understand themselves, but at the end of the day the most accurate label is: you. You are you. Insert name here is Insert name here.

Thanks for listening to the ramblings of a mad Jinx kinnie. Here's to hoping season two is just as good as the first one! Still absolutely loving Jinx's new look!

[brain-depositary]

Okay, here are Arcane spoilers for Act 2. I have thoughts on Viktor, as there's been a lot of back and forth over whether what we're seeing is really him or if he is being controlled by the hexcore/arcane. And people are missing the narrative explanations, which seem to make what happened really obvious. And the biggest sign of this is that Viktor has been hallucinating Sky the whole time. The man has clearly lost his marbles.

The show is very clear that Sky is not there physically, but she's also absolutely not there mentally, spiritually, magically, whathaveyou. Her ghost isn't in the hexcore or whatever. There's simply no way.

It's not that we know for sure there are no ghosts in the world of Arcane. It hasn't been proven one way or the other that they exist. All sorts of fantastical things exist in Arcane and maybe ghosts do, too. But we know Sky isn't one because it makes no narrative sense for her to be.

Thematically, all of Arcane has been about people handling grief and loss not just poorly, but destructively. Powder hallucinates the people she's lost as critical voices and behaves erratically and dangerously whenever they do. Both Vander and Silco twist Vi and Powder's mother's dreams of peace into more violence and oppression. Jayce can't deal with the loss of Viktor and uses the hexcore to save him which Viktor specifically told him to destroy. Caitlyn becomes a dictator after her mother's death and uses the ventilation system her mother created against the very people it was intended to help. Ambessa has gone on a rampage for her dead son who preferred bloodless subterfuge, and I have a feeling Singed's daughter would approve of all the things her father is trying to do to bring her back, had she ever had the chance to know.

But Viktor, after losing Sky and her dreams, just kind of gets her back, and fulfills them? Yeah, no, I'm calling bullshit. Viktor is not going to be the only one exempt from the Arcane pain train. This would be bad writing.

Sky isn't a ghost here. She's gone. The version of her in the hexcore is purely a product of Viktor's imagination. We don't see Sky a lot, but what little we do, she's different, much more confident. It's not her. Viktor is handling his loss badly, too, but his method of doing so is just wholesale denying that it happened. Sky isn't dead, she's right there. Her dreams aren't gone, they're perfectly within reach. It doesn't matter if he dies now because he's succeeded in his goals of helping people. The sick are healed, the hungry are fed. The commune is thriving. Everything is great.

With whatever power he gained from the hexcore, he's able to project this denial onto the real world, at least for a little while. Everything in his little bubble DOES seem great, but the cracks in the facade come early. When Salo talks to Jayce in the overflow chamber, Jayce's breath condenses, while Salo's does not, implying that he's not breathing. Also, Salo's turnover at the commune is disturbingly quick -- his original personality just does not seem to be there anymore, despite his insistence otherwise. The "no weapons" rule, while idealistic, cannot realistically be enforced -- as much as Viktor denied, reality was going to come crashing in and he was going to be unprepared for it, because he just decided he didn't have to be. Huck didn't even seem afraid at all denying a heavily armed warlord and her contingent entry without disarming first when literally his only character trait has been being cowardly. There's nothing in him anymore.

So, is Viktor being mind controlled, or is this the same Viktor we've known the whole time? Well, it's not really either. This is Viktor snapping and having a mental breakdown. This is Viktor's equivalent of Jinx's tea party at the end of season 1, except he has far more power to make it last longer, seem nicer, and drag far more people into it. Probably, the hexcore is taking advantage of Viktor's vision to build its hivemind, but the vision itself is all Viktor.

So, given all this, my prediction is: Viktor will be salvaged and revived by Singed. He will get a reality check, that Sky is really gone, that the people he healed are hollowed-out husks, that the peace he created was too fragile to last -- and he won't care, he will try to get it back by any means necessary, even if he doesn't have the arcane abilities or ability to completely deny reality that he used to have. And this will create a bitter person, similar to the character we know as the Machine Herald from League of Legends.

[little-cirrus-fibratus]

The stigmatisation of schizophrenia and how doctors only know how to treat the psychosis part of schizophrenia and nothing else.

Tw: discussion of delusions and psychosis, although no descriptions

Is it just me or is schizophrenia the ultimate fuck finger to society disease? Exactly because of the positive symptoms, the psychosis. There was another tumblr user who once talked about what a delusion is, and a very important part of it was 'a belief that does not correspond to any known subcultures or religions'. (If anyone remembers the tumblr user tag them). And if one might notice, the psychosis is what's disruptive or hard to deal with for doctors and nurses and allies, it's what doesn't make sense and is greatly "annoying or disturbing" or... socially unacceptable. Often when people imagine a crazy person they think of someone with schizophrenia, someone who sees and hears things that aren't there, someone who talks to themselves or their hallucinations, someone who experiences disorganised speech. I am simply so tired of doctors only treating psychosis because that is what's disruptive to society. (It can also be disruptive to the individual experiencing it, and it's valid if psychosis is what you consider your worst symptom, it is different for everyone). There has been done little to nothing to treat the cognitive symptoms of schizophrenia which can very often look like ADHD. ADHD and autism awareness can also show that bringing awareness to a condition can actually push researchers to study the condition and better the lives of the people affected by it. ADHD is a very talked about condition (which doesn't mean that ADHDers don't experience challenges and discrimination based on their neruotype) in Denmark it's the most common neurodivergence. And there is a lot of awareness about it which makes researchers want to research it and create better treatments. That just hasn't really happened to schizophrenia and schizo spectrum conditions yet.

Wow I really hope that made sense, please tell if I said something wrong or offensive I will correct it.

Written in a fit of rage over the stigmatisation of schizophrenia.

[honey-minded-hivemind]

I'm back and still a nervous wreck!

I had the stupidest idea and wanted to know what you thought.

For X-Men evolution because I think it fits best there

Reader who wholeheartedly believes in conspiracy theories, reader who doesn't believe mutants are real even when they themselves are one believing that instead the government made up mutants as a lie to genetically enhance people and get away with it. Wiping their memories and leaving them to fend for themselves, they wholeheartedly believe that their memory was altered (when in reality their mutation just mentally messed them up, think like their body releases toxic gasses or something like that readers been breathing it in since they have no control over their mutation and it makes them smell strange one of the many reasons why they have no friends)

So reader goes to the same high school as the X-Men/brother hood but not with either groups from the start, this strange quiet and weird smelling child who rambles about conspiracy theories and while their theories are... Unique they aren't hateful of mutants so the X-Men don't really notice them they blend into the background mumbling to themselves and forgetting where they put their hoodie (it was on the back of their chair)

Reader gets sent to the principals office a lot due to the way they act causing raven to get closer to reader their charming attitude and slightly messed up speech and memory issues making raven into the first platonic yandere eventually having the brother hood keep an eye on them.

I imagine reader sticks with the Brother hood while also not being a part of them just rambling forever about bigfoot or area 51 and the brother hood don't have the heart to tell this strange child that got held back a grade their weird like so many others have.

And when Kurt shows up the X-Men become platonic yanderes Kurt letting them ramble to him during one of the only classes they didn't share with toad at the time (I can never remember when characters in X-Men evolution get introduced I only have a pirated version that takes forever to start so it isn't worth setting up an entire thing just to watch one episode) and so Kurt goes back to the X-Men talking about his strange new friend who Jean and Scott remember seeing around the school, so with interests peeked they start looking into this teen, a teen who's parents never come to parent teacher conferences a teen who has been known to be very good at forging signatures on permission slips doing it for extra cash, a teen whose address is missing from official paperwork thanks to raven and a teen who always comes to school in dirty clothes a teen who doesn't have a phone and uses the library computers, and showers at a 24 hour gym every other day.

And so slowly one by one this child sneaks their way into their hearts and into adoption papers.

I'm writing this as someone who had lived in a house for a majority of my life that was filled with mold I was allergic to my mom promised it wasn't black mold but now I'm realizing it probably was I slept with my head inches from it for years it messed me up in the head, some of the side effects were "mold rage" that's really what it's called and memory issues I kind of used this as a way to vent about what happened in my life, I really didn't mean to do that I'm really sorry you can ignore this if you want typing it out just made it better and spinning it into a fun story was even cooler.

Thank you very much, a nervous wreck of an Anon.

No, no, it's okay, don't worry. I'm sorry you had to experience that, Anon. While I didn't deal with mold, I did once or twice, when I was younger, have a bad hallucination, which I didn't understand, and I believed a few things that seemed crazy (but looking back on now, was caused by stress and trauma). It isn't easy to have your mental health or perception messed with, and it isn't funny, either. (So yes, to anyone reading this ask/drabble, do not ever make fun of or try to trigger a person who has something like Anon or I mentioned. It is NOT, and I MEAN, NOT FUNNY AT ALL.)

Okay, let me see what I can do for you, Anon, maybe call you 🐝Bee or 🐝Wasp Anon? Or maybe 💛 Anon (Yellow Heart Anon)? Let's try this new mutation out-

• Reader is the sort of person who thought everything had a secret to it. The government? Was run by lizard people or aliens, or had a secret organization who experimented on people. Area 51? Definitely held aliens and maybe eldritch nightmares, and possibly secret evil projects to take over the world. Bigfoot and yeti and dragons? They were all real, they hid in the forests, and were probably nicer than most humans Reader knew. And school was designed to indoctrinate children from an early age, all because of what happened in ancient times, which was overthrowing the king and queen and chopping off their heads. So. Yeah. They they had a lot of ideas.

• They had so many ideas and ways of saying them that their teachers usually sent them to Principal Darkholme, whom wasn't nearly as bad as some people made her out to be! Sue certainly did yell at Reader; no, she just let then ramble for a bit while she looked through their papers (and maybe spied on someone, because this lady can't just be a principal), and gave them a weird look. Not a bad one, no! Just well, not mean but not happy but not annoyed either. Something that made her tell them to come to her if there was a problem, and that some of her students would start taking classes with them.

• Reader liked these new kids! This one guy looked like a toad or frog, and he smelled a bit funny too, less like propane or like the house was in danger, and more like swamps and leaf litter. Maybe he was a frog person! That would be cool! Unless the government caused this, and now it's not so cool and they need to get kicked in the ****... Oh... they can't say that... Oh well. This Peter? Piro? Pietri? guy is really fast and talks a lot too, and doesn't seem to mind showing them all his hobbies, even asking if if have any they want to share with him! Woo, another person to hunt small bug dragons and look for fae with! The giant one is kinda cool, like, he seems unmovable and unbreakable! Is he part whale? Part rock? Part demigod?! Whatever he is, he's strong, and is gentle with them like he is with the Toad guy. The shaky one (he isn't a rock, but he insists he is more rock-like than shaky, which is nonsense) seems to keep people like Duncan and his posse away, so he's pretty chill! And then there's the witch, who's magic and is so awesome and is really red. Maybe she's like, a chaos witch? That would be interesting... maybe she has a coven Reader can try to join...

• Those five let them talk and even chip in their ideas, but then start insisting they're mutants, not magic, or aliens, or government experiments. Reader points out they wouldn't remember that part. That just earns them an odd look, somewhere between sad and worried, but they're back to rambling since they don't need to worry about their friends not knowing certain things. It's okay not to. Reader can't remember certain things either, and they don't always say things how they want to say them, and they aren't wrong for being that way, so their friends aren't wrong for not knowing either.

• They gain a new friend, who turns out to he a blue fuzzy elf. He's funny, and German, and Reader is certain he is part angel, because he's that nice. He talks with them, even shows them his powers, and asks what Reader can do. And Reader laughs, saying they don't really know... He looks at them, says he knows someone who can help, and that's how Reader meets his friends (or family. They seem like a family). Their professor/dad says they're all gifted, and so is Reader, but Reader says that they haven't noticed anything so far. The man says he can read minds, and Reader asks if he can read theirs... The man nods, goes quiet... and he seems to panic, his eyes going sad in the corners and his gaze a bit haunted or winded. The others notice, but Reader doesn't know what's wrong... They're asked to visit them every day, so they can get to know one another, as friends do, and Reader agrees, happy to have more friends!

• It's so odd, meeting so many new people! They've finally gotten everyone's names memorized (it took a few weeks, but it was worth it!) There's Principal Darkholme, who also crossdresses as Mystique (cool, she can change colors and shapes!) There's Todd or Toad, their friend they share classes with and who smells a little weird and is a toad person. There's Pietro and Wanda, twins, who both look very different from each other, like opposites. Lance is the shaky guy who walks them to and from places, and Fred is who is there as back up in case someone gets too close. Kurt is their fuzzy elf friend (who must be part angel), and who smells like sulfur from time to time. The Professor is sweet, if a bit authorative, and tries to make them tea and discover their power. Jean and Scott are two older students who both seem to like the colors red and green and yellow, and they both start driving Reader to where they need to go. Kitty is the one in pink who seems to go phase through things, like some Twilight Zone person, and Rogue is the one in green and black who can do anything. There's also Logan, their old-but-not-old guard/dad man, who growls a lot and smells like leather and seems worried about them. Storm is a goddess, who controls winds and rain and clouds and lightning and snow and sunshine (she's so cool!). And Hank is their friends their dad, who likes science and listens to Reader's theories and tells them someone once thought he was Bigfoot (Reader laughs, and asks how that went, and that Hank couldn't possibly be Bigfoot! They're both entirely different beings, that's absurd!) These people are so nice! They even share food with them! And go to the park! And go to the library!

• The others have tried to convince them they're mutants, not government experiments or aliens or magical beings or demigods, but Reader isn't entirely convinced. How could mutants exist? Wouldn't they look super different from everybody? Or be welcomed? And if not, then everyone is just being a ****... they still can't say that... Oh well. They've tried to argue with them, but each time they cut it off before they start sounding choked up or angry or worried. Reader hopes they're okay. They don't like seeing them upset, and they really, really are trying to do the right thing. They just wished it wasn't so hard on everyone.

• The Professor calls them over one day, saying he's finally figured out what their power is. Reader chuckles, saying they've talked about it before, and that Reader can't have powers. He says that no, he knows what it is, and that they need to sit down. So they do, because they won't argue with him when he seems excited and scared. And he tells them that they emit a toxic gas or fume or mist, which causes hallucinations or ilillusions to those who breathe it in or absorb it. He says they do what they do and act the way they act because for quite some time now they've breated it in nonstop. They're quiet, and they feel worried, and they ask to go home. They don't sleep that night, too scared to go to sleep, too scared to turn off the light, too upset to stop thinking about what might be true or false...

• Their friends don't stop talking to them, but they don't want to talk a lot for the next few weeks. It's hard, and feels hard, and they don't want to think even more about how everything could be a lie and it's all an illusion and how it could be a trick- There's just too much to do, homework to do, reading to attempt, home to go back to, and not enough safety to be blank and to stop thinking for once...

• They call in sick for a few days. They stay where they live, with its old walls and decaying floors and smell of old rot and wood and metal, the creak of the boards and squeaks of the hinges making Reader jolt and jump like they've touched a livewire. Their head hurts now. It hasn't stopped hurting since the Professor told them about their... power. They haven't slept well since then either, the few times they slept full of nightmares, their nights full of tears, their mind struggling to understand why this was happening to them and why it couldn't make sense...

• Principal Darkholme visits them, so does the Professor, but they came in while they'd been in a fitful slumber. Waking up, muttering to themself, weaving into the rooms... they saw them, worried it wasn't real, and were soon being looked over by two worried adults, asking if they're okay, if this is their home, where are their parents, do they need help- And all they can do is let them bring them out of the old place, ending up at one one their homes, where they're given a tea to drink, and they try to settle...

• They soon are told they can be helped. That the adults will be giving them something to take, that it will help them, and they don't want to take it- but they end up having to, because it ends up either taken willingly, or it's slipped into their drink or food, and all they can do struggle as their mind starts experiencing something that feels like a pick trying to shatter it in two... It gets better over time, and for once, they can feel a bit... calmer. Like they're seeing things from a new perspective. And now they aren't sure what to do, with the new thoughts swirling in their head, the new feelings, the new abilities...

• Toad or Kurt or Rogue is usually with them. They keep them company, they make sure they took their medicine, and call the others when Reader starts to panic or feel overwhelmed. Sometimes it's okay, and Reeader can calm down on their own. Other times, their illusions and hallucinations effect everyone, and they have to call the Professor or Jean to walk Reader through shutting it down. They struggle to sleep at night, afraid of monsters in the dark; it leads to Evan or Kitty or Kurt usually throwing a sleepover in your room, hugging you, even promising you'll be okay, that you're strong, that you're safe... Mystique always let's you know it's her, no matter what form she is in, and she makes sure she's there if you need someone someone ground you or keep others away. Hank still does checkups on you, but he never calls you crazy or thinks you're weird, he just smiles at you and says everyone is different, but you're all human, mutant or otherwise, and that it's not an anomaly or wrong to go through what you go through, as it isn't wrong that he's fuzzy and blue, or that Toad smells a bit, or that the Professor can't walk. It's all a part of life, and they're so glad you're experiencing it with them...

(I hope I did this okay, Anon. I did my best, and tried to convey this the best I could. And folks, it is okay to struggle with things like this. You're still human, you are valid, and you matter. Please try to get help if you can, and take care of yourself, okay? You're you, and you're loved💛)

[respectthepetty]

Hello hello! I finally caught up on DFF a few days ago and have been reading a bunch of meta ever since, but there are some things I can’t follow. Maybe you can help me?

First off, we keep talking about there being a Final Girl, but why is everyone so sure that there will be one? I could see more people surviving or the story going in a different direction entirely. Where does this conviction come from?

Then, I’m on board with the idea of hallucinations, but one thing that always bothers me is the question of how you could make sure that they all hallucinate the very same thing? I don’t know how hallucination-inducing drugs work, but that seems kind of weird to me.

Also, who is Tan and who is Perth again? This is such a dumb question, but I’m terrible with names and faces, and I know most of the characters now, but I keep mixing up these two.

Thank you so much for your time!

Anon, let me answer your last question first:

This is Mio who plays Tan in the series. Tan is part of the friend group but came along after Non disappeared.

This is Perth but it is unknown who he is playing in the series. He was only in the background of this scene in the dark jacket with the grey shirt.

As for the other questions, unfortunately, I cannot help you because unlike the rest of these perfectly normal people watching Dead Friend Forever, I'm crazy.

And because I'm crazy, I do NOT care about "reasoning" when it comes to my wack-a-doodle-doo theories. Therefore, White will be the Final Gay simply because I want him to be, and because none of these other motherf*ckers deserve to live.

Yeah, Fluke hasn't actively done anything, but he knew all of this was happening and turned a blind eye, so if Por is dead, why not just kill all of them? Well, expect for the actual killers, Tan and Phi, and the Final Gay White.

Por's death could have just been an accident, and everyone else will get out of this alive, but . . . I don't want it. I want Fluke to shoot Top, Tee to wrestle the gun away from Fluke only for it to go off and kill Fluke, White to kill Tee and run off scared, Tan to "die" because of an asthma attack (but he won't be dead), which will leave Jin and Phi as the only survivors, only for Jin to be stabbed by Phi right before White shows up with help.

Do you feel the crazy? Do you see what I was saying about myself? You cannot ask me logical questions because I am not using deductive skills. I'm operating off of vibes and vibes alone, which is why I felt Phi was sus in episode one. It's also why I don't like Jin. It's a vibe.

Which brings me to your drugs question - The vibes are off!

I think that Non is still alive and running around scaring them all, so not everything is because of the drugs, but if the energy isn't right, if the mood isn't chill, if the vibe isn't good, the drugs are going to hit different. The figurative trip will be bad. So if the literal trip involves the boys talking about Non and seeing videos of Non while they run through the woods for their lives, whatever drugs are in their system aren't going to be happy in a body with that amount of stress, and their brain will focus on Non and the masked killer. In fact, a common side effect of most party drugs is paranoia.

Hell, even some known prescriptions for depression and anxiety can cause these side effects.

Then again, I just do drugs. I don't know the actual science behind them, but I do know if the vibes ain't right, you're not gonna have a good night.

And these boys seem to be having a really shitty night.

But also, the boys haven't all seen the same thing. Fluke saw Por's eyes bleeding and attacking him. White saw a rash on his skin. Jin saw Mr. Keng. Top saw the masked killer trying to axe him (I think part of this was real) and thought he saw a masked killer in the road, so he scared Tee going on about it. Top also might be having a reaction to it which is why he was seizing.

PSA: Test your drugs, kids. Even Amazon, which I think is the devil, sells drug testing kits.

In case you have no idea what this image is about, the joint in her hand is laced with cocaine and was probably one of the reasons her ass was going through endless time loops, so don't do coke. Or things laced with it. Unless you wanna go into other dimensions and DIE every single time. Okay? M'kay!

So to wrap up my special brand of crazy:

White will be the Final Gay because like the Backstreet Boys, "I want it that way."

Everyone deserves to die because Phi is a cop's kid, and if the cops are good for anything, it's covering up the truth, so let this work in our favor for once.

Drugs be drugging, and sometimes people will think of the boy they tried to kill when under the influence, but it's a toss up. Who can predict what a person will see? So, like, don't betray people and you won't hallucinate being stalked by your own guilt *cough* Judas *cough*

Oh, and always test your drugs.

I hope this helped you, but it probably didn't. Either way, I'll see you in the tags in a few hours after Non finally loses his shit.

Slay, Non, slay!

[morgana-ren]

Hi i had an idea that popped into my head, because I (vaguley) remember that the game talks about a sacrifice in the forest lake someone did (me thinks its the church who sac'd someone) and they may have became the ivory wraith.

So you think the town is cursed, maybe something that amplifies lust or 'sins' because of it?

Oh, something is definitely wrong with the town. Something dastardly and dark happened and is currently happening, though I'm not sure of the extent that the lore goes into it.

The Ivory Wraith actually has a very interesting backstory, if you manage to get them to show you.

To make it quick, it seems like they were some kind of priest or priestess for an early facet of the Faith in ancient times, and they along with others of their ward were kidnapped by some dark, esoteric order and sacrificed in some blasphemous ritual involving monsters and tentacles and some heinous offences to God or whatever.

I don't know if their spirit was corrupted or perhaps consumed by some eldritch lord, but either way, the Ivory Wraith is trapped beneath the ruins of the lake, able to wander the town, seemingly only caring for two things: Its own rare offspring, which it can impregnate the player with, and the lovely ivory necklace that dangles gracefully from its pale neck.

Now lets take a look at the faith.

On the outside, it seems relatively benign, seemingly modeled after modern day Catholicism. Strict and unforgiving, to be sure, but basically just a mirrored image of what we know the more stern sects of Christianity to be.

But take a deeper look. The prayer room, where devout priests are known to go into fits of hysterics and speak in tongues, hallucinating for hours on end as the prayer becomes so intense and somehow, virginity stays intact even after the most defiling of carnal acts. The dark ritual that can take place to an unsuspecting and unconscious player should they pass out at the lake. The fact even the priests and nuns aren't immune to your charms, and will often try to have their way with you against your will and you are expected to be fine with it.

The fact that the church will whore you out against your will if your purity is weighed and found wanting during your chastity exam.

These are the good guys.

Now the town itself, something is very, very blatantly wrong.

On the outside, it's a seemingly normal little town. A little costal paradise that is surprisingly self-sufficient for a small-town community. A lovely little haven cut off from the rest of the world--

For a reason.

It's meta-implied that this town is wrong, and it knows that it's wrong. The people in charge make an active effort to keep their affairs secret from the outside world. There's this lovely facade of a normal society, but the rotting, seedy underbelly is the world's worst kept secret.

If you tell any outsiders what is happening, they don't believe you. It sounds so absurd and so outlandish that they just outright think you're a mentally unwell, attention seeking person. The 'innocence' and 'awareness' bar allude to the fact that people who don't indulge themselves in the darker parts of life in the town are purposefully kept in the dark, so much so that it just flies right over their heads, or they just accept what is happening as normal.

Sirris, for example. They very much love their child. Do you think they would ever raise their child here if they had any true idea of how bad things are here? Chances are that they think this is just life, or they're so kept in the dark about the truth of it that they don't understand what they're subjecting Syndey to.

The people who are unofficially in charge of the town, such as Remy, Quinn, Bailey, and to an extent, Leighton, all have a direct hand in the worst aspects of it. The underground brothel, the underground farm, the asylum, etc.

Every person that heads one of these awful facilities also just so happens to be the only person in charge of such affairs. Harper and the hospital, Remy and his farm, Leighton and his school, Bailey and his orphanage, and so on.

There's a titload of supernatural references here that certainly come into play. The moors, Blackwolf, all the hallucinogens that run rampant, the tentacles, the blood moon-- it all fits together somehow.

We don't have all the pieces quite yet, and your character is gaslit and made to feel crazy if they start to put them together.

Something very, very wrong is happening, and it all fits hand in hand somehow.

[thenightling]

This is my review, thoughts, and theories from the latest episode of Interview with The vampire. Episode 4 of season 2. I think the showrunner mistakes unnecessary twists as being clever. So here are the twists I anticipate. 1. I suspect Santiago's maker was Nicolas. We keep going back to Santiago's story. By the way, it's trite and very CW that the story of what happened to Santiago's maker, from being "killed" for breaking one of their laws, to finally revealing the law he broke was making a vampire without permission... this is very CW when plot points like that are unnecessarily drawn out. It pulls me out of the story and reminds me that this is TV writing. And yet they had the audacity to pretend it's "Soapy" to reveal that Lestat was involved with the theatre coven? 2. It's pretty clear that the visions of Lestat are NOT hallucinations like the showrunner tried to make us believe in the first episode of season 2. He's obviously astral projecting to Louis. He' been telling Louis things that Louis did not know such as how long Lestat was an actor, and what he had sewn into his suit pocket. 3. Though I really would like the reveal that Armand messed with Louis's memories, I'm starting to wonder if this lazy showrunner and writing team are keeping the soft woobified version of Armand and the one who messed with Louis's memories was Marius to sabotage the interview and protect the vampire race. This would be a major deviation since Marius was amused by Lestat's rock career in the books.

4. It looks like they're going to change why Claudia was condemned, perhaps foreshadowing that her being condemned is because she makes Madeleine into a vampire.

While I'm on the thought did anyone else go "Ah, yes! This was written by a man who knows nothing about womanly anatomy and behavior!" when Madeleine commented with surprise and apparent suspicion about Claudia's breasts still being small two years after they met. That was... weird... She might as well have said "This is unnatural! We've known each other for two years and your titties aren still small to medium sized! Why aren't they Dolly Parton sized yet?!" Claudia is played by a nineteen-year-old. A dress maker would know some people have small breasts. Also they're not THAT small! Just because you say something doesn't make it true. Claudia didn't need to give a war time explanation for her size. I haven't grown since I was thirteen. I'm five foot one and forty-two-years-old. And I didn't get my first period until I was fifteen. So Claudia being apparently sixteen and small chested should NOT be gaining attention from the dress maker. Yet again the show had a ridiculous amount of smoking. Why the Hell was hallucination / astral Lestat smoking? Madeleine talkin about the boy Yahtzee. "He paid with food and cigarettes." I think if this show runner could make the rats smoke he would. By the way, I STRONGLY suspect that Lestat may be in Paris, perhaps being held prisoner. Hmm... Have we actually ever seen the rats in the body disposal thing? That would be stupid though. Anne Rice's vampires, in the novels, don't eat. I know they did here but it would still be stupid that he wouldn't cry out to Louis "Hello! I'm here!" Now I'm imagining some idiotic "He was so starved for blood that he ate the flesh from the corpses, looking for whatever drops might remain." Yeah, they would do that... It also looks like there will be a theatre uprising and Santiago's group will be who condemn Claudia. And Armand truly won't be able to stop it. (I'm guessing the show runner missed the parts in the books and the subtle clues in the movie that Armand was actually behind it. He seems to miss a lot of what's important in the books, like he only read a poorly written wiki entry. Unless all of this is false memories? How would Louis know about the calls Santiago made while he and Claudia were not around? Who told that part?

Finally, why are the theatre vampires upset at Louis for living like a human? I thought that was the entire point of the vampires LEAVING Armand's Satanic coven under the cemetery? They used lines about Lestat for Louis here. Why? Lestat already taught Armand's followers that they can live like humans two centuries earlier. Why recycle the plot?

And why are they still following the Satanic coven rules? Sabbats? The Theatre is supposed to be secular.

[lottiesaltlmao]

okokok um really confused but what is a "source"?

this is a bit of a complicated topic but i'm going to try to explain this the best i can also i don't have a tldr on this post because if you don't read the information, none of it will make any sense

also this is really long so buckle up

so you're probably aware that some systems, dare i say most of them, have alters called "introjects." these are alters who come from fictional (or sometimes factional) sources. in other words, if you have an alter of a video game character, a celebrity, a tv show character, a friend, etc, it's an introject

fictive - an introject from a fictional source like a video game, book, tv show, etc

factive - an introject from a nonfictional source like a historical figure, celebrity, friend or family member, etc

the place (most commonly a piece of media) an introject comes from is their "source." for example, if you have a fictive of tommyinnit, their source is probably dream smp. a fictive of vi means their source is probably arcane, league of legends, or both (since it's possibly to have multiple sources)

in some cases, an introject will have cross sources also known as multiple sources. this is where characteristics of multiple people, usually characters who are somewhat related in personality, are present. an introject might have klee from genshin as a source but also hook from honkai star rail because they share similar characteristics and traits

a source for an alter is nothing more than a starting point, the same way the seed is the starting point for a tree. introjects are expected to grow and evolve to become something more than what their source is and aren't limited to the confines of their source

if an introject has a source of a bad person, perhaps an antagonist in a show. this doesn't make the introject a bad person. if the introject does things that harm others to "mimic" what they did in source, this isn't excusable with "yes but in source-" because introjects aren't their sources. their sources are just starting points

sources also come with some strings attached. a frequent occurrence is "source memories" or pseudomemories, where an introject remembers things from their source, usually traumatic memories. perhaps a fictive of yuji itadori has memories of the shibuya incident or a wilbur fictive remembers the lmanburg war

these memories are fake, as the name "psuedomemories" suggests and they often exist to cover up and hide genuine trauma. if an introject has psuedomemories of being sexually assaulted, the system as a whole was probably sexually assaulted in childhood and their brain is trying to rationalize and make up excuses by covering it up with "source trauma"

(i'm assuming you asked this question based on the incoherent ramblings of me and cupid in discord vc in reference to system-only discord servers so allow me to elaborate a little further)

a huge problem in the system community is that introjects, usually fictives as factives are not that common, tend to base their entire personalities and identities around their sources, instead of growing and evolving to being something other than "just that character"

the process of detaching yourself from your source and saying "okay i'm not this character, im more than just this character" is called "source separation"

without source separation, introjects can become incredibly delusional and unstable. they see their source memories as facts, perhaps even hallucinate or delude themself into thinking that they are the character they come from, and it kind of reminds me of the delusional attachment/fictionkin epidemic of 2021-2022

if you see an introject saying some shit like "doubles dni, im the real kokichi ouma" just know that they're probably delusional out of their mind

in truth, introjects come from various sources based on what the system needs. if a system is going through trauma and struggling with taking care of themself and don't have a stable parental figure, they might see a parental figure in a cartoon character and think "if that character was here right now, they could take care of me." this forms introjects

the mischaracterization of fictives specifically as "just favorite characters" is insane. who cares if some fictive is literally all-might from my hero academia, a system could easily heavily resonate with a character who's entire personality revolves around keeping others safe from harm

and the audacity that other systems have to contribute to this stereotype by basing their entire identities around their fictional sources is astounding. it's like "okay damn girl, get up. this is embarrassing" because in my opinion, that is such a singlet suck-up way of living and i'm willing to bet their singlet friend thought angeldust from hazbin hotel was a cool character so now their angeldust fictive fronts to entertain the idea that their whole existence is a meet and greet with their favorite characters when in reality, fictives are so much more than their source and serve a genuine purpose in their systems outside of just being characters

anyways that's my yap, it answered a lot more than just what a source is but all of these topics are tightly knitted and related so if you hear about one, you're bound to hear about another

- faye

[pokefanbri]

I've always been open about this but not by much. I just keep it to myself due to ridicule from friends or family, idk how the public would react. I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia in 2009 when I was 19 years old. My auditory "hallucinations". Would drive anyone mad being that I've been dealing with it for 16 yrs now. It's always been like a quest on just trying to find out where it comes from or who it is, the source of these disembodied voices in my mind. Whether spirits, angels, someone on the other side of the 🌎, or demons cuz they be lurking. And now into my 30s have evolved into visual hallucinations. A mystery that I wanna know too. There is a research facility at the U of A here in Tucson that involves psychic activity research that I would love to check out.

I held it together while dealing with hard challenges in life, it's difficult to cope with. At first the voices were so loud that music with headphones wasn't able to drown it out. But as I grow, & come closer to God, it becomes a gift and easier to control. Since the bad was washed away, it's become a part of me. I have been baptized 3 times in my life so far cuz sometimes being a good girl I slip lol & nobody is perfect. However after each baptism I get this euphoric feeling and I know that I'm surrounded by angels and I feel like the veil has been lifted it's really cool. I believe I'm connected somehow to Him & the angels. But the darkness still lurks around every corner. I feel evil presences I even hear them talking to me but of course I talk back with attitude when I probably shouldn't. Things tapping on my closet door I even imagine being dragged under my bed. I've saved my mom's apartment and it just made things worse for a time. I saw advice from Christian friends and even my pastor and they have told me that when you try to get rid of a demon they just bring more especially when you're not qualified to cleanse.

The more difficult the challenge, the more unhappy I am, the more I want to die. But God has gotten me through a lot, He can get me through it all I know it. But I also know I can't just play into the devil's hands, let his demons win messing with my head & emotions, I know better now

Its a long story, since 09 the bad took over but owned it since discovering my faith. 😈 may still wanna get at me & hate me w/a passion, which is explains my terrible life he must hate my ass. But God's power & light is so much greater, & protected w/the ✝️ on my chest, 😈 can try 😒

" paranoid schizophrenia" by doctors. But I know what I'm hearing. No friends or family ever believes me or wants to hear it, so I suffer in silence. It's just a matter of finding out what it is & the source. I have foresight in precognitive dreams ie Deja Vu since I was 4, Im sure alot of people have that but for me it can be frequent & never make amy sense as its visions of random happenings in my life weeks or months in advance. I have rare visions whilst awake of which God shows me, like when I meditated & spoke to Him before my babtism which I thought was pretty cool. I've been known to have telepathy with others & has been a cool experiment with other spiritual friends, & automatic writing to where the pen writes itself while holding it loosely.

"Schizophrenic" since 09 but Supernatural things happening for quite a while, & just evolving since. I'd get help for this issuse but idk how or where to start, sorta self taught. Doctors just want me to suppress it, but my new doc said if it makes me happy I don't have to.

It is conflicting with my faith cuz I know the Bible says beware of psychics & magicians in the same verse. We aren't supposed to know all mysteries in the universe cuz faith. But what happens when one of those mysteries involves you, wouldn't you wanna know? What if God chose u for something? What if it's a miracle?

And what if it's not exactly psychic activity per se. Cuz all God's children are prophets of the Lord. The signs are happening now of the end of days & the children are seeing visions of the end, I had 1 myself. When you're childlike u inherit the kingdom of heaven. He's warned us plenty of times.

Maybe it's easier than we think. Maybe, it doesn't have to be so complicated. Maybe He's easing us into it & Revelations isn't as horrific as it seemed in the Bible, but did its job into putting the fear of God into me lol. Life's too short, but what do I do with it, where do I go from here? After all the hell I've been through, & I'm still at entry level jobs with just customer service options. What if, more than 1 Angel is here, more than 2 or 3, chillin til it happens, & we live our lives while we can before it's all gone. I've met Gabriel, he's a pretty awesome dude, curly blonde hair, walks with a staff & like his wings are too heavy for him lol. Just doing his thing being the messenger of God, however flawed like us all.

We just don't know. Maybe we'll never know, & even with our faith we still try to peice it all together like a puzzle til it fits, as humans do being naturally curious. My grandpa was a code breaker in the war, I kinda take after him that way. I'm very wise & I do like to decode in a way. We just gotta Believe, be ready for anything & to go home.

How did I start talking about my issuse & gifts, & it ends up becoming Biblical 😂 that always happens I get riled up & the holy spirit kinda just takes over lol. Yo just Believe aight. Trust me, I've experienced miracles myself, He keeps me afloat. Yes I may come off as crazy, but a lot of girls are technically lol

Mark 9:23

Must add we have free will & it shouldn't condemn us regardless of some choices, if God has a purpose for us let it be. Bible tho it's all truth, is outdated, they wrote it from during that time & how they could describe things from that period. Jesus took in misfits like us ✝️

He understands us completely. I don't like to say idolize either regarding celebs, it's adore or is a role model. Cuz of the outdatedness of the Bible I personally just like to focus on the stories of Jesus or Revelations, psalms & Proverbs is good too. He loves us so much ✝️

The start of this post I was crying so hard 😭 like I usually do due to severe depression. But now I'm as light as a feather, now I feel so much better ty God. My past has broken me quite a bit & even my family sucks so much that I pray for a new 1. My name partially means "high" & I wish I has bud rn lol.

Origionally this was on twitter however I realized that it doesn't belong there because it's too long. Made for a blog anyway I have a bad habit of typing too much. I was working on a book & like an idiot I lost all my things in Vegas including my flash drive with my life story on it, that's not finished yet. But I knew I still had it on my laptop at home. Vegas would make for some good chapters lol gotta get around to writing again.

[bykalopsia]

ryuki eps 42-50 notes & final impressions

(note that i probably am not getting around to any of the supplementary content any time soon bc 1) there are so many 2) i'm iffy on alternate endings in the first place 3) the ones that aren't that are crossovers so i'm not watching them until i get there [which won't be for months even if i keep the pace i've been going at & 4) i'm a little burnt out on ryuki and am excited to start faiz])

the way sano just hops around while his final vent goes off and all the antelopes(?) charge is so cute

sano overall is just great. love it when a guy has no principles whatsoever.

love ren, kitaoka, and asakura taking the serendipitous occurrence of them all meeting in room 401 after tojo and the professor had moved out to sit down and go "we hate you you're stupid go kill yourself give us 5,000 dollars" to shinji. he is very stupid though god bless him

one thing i find very funny is that despite asakura being asakura he's actually pretty courteous about the game. like he very well could be (and probably would fare better if he was?) attacking people outside of the mirror world but he just shows up and acts off-putting and strange until they transform. (like he actually reads sano's business card even though he interrupted his tojo-ran-away temper tantrum?) i guess this is why he's shiro's little attack dog he's just really about being a Proper Rider.

also i'm really bad at looking at significant injuries so when tojo jumped into like that water runoff ditch (?) and it looked like something happened to his arm i got so nauseous lol. i don't think he actually got hurt bc it doesn't seem he's injured in his following scenes but still ;;;;;;;

also tojo is so Interesting to me!!!!!!!!!! (this is the millionth time i've said this) i wish i knew where in the metamorphosis he was at so i could possibly make connections. the strength of his heroic ideal and how he's carving parts of his life out (literally, by killing people lol) in order to fit in that very twisted definition yet still failing (both because it is something that is forced on his part And for the unlucky fact that other riders are just stronger than him)

ep 44 don't fucking talk to me. literally the second tojo went "you're the first person to be nice to me since the professor" my fucking stomach dropped (tbh i should have known since sano brought tojo to his apartment in the first place but w/e) that he'd fucking kill him but AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

pain and fucking suffering why are all my favorites DOOMED it's literally a curse.

idk if i were tojo i'd start beating asakura with hammers that's just me though (maybe everyone's just courteous about only fighting in the mirror world bc it's a kids show.... hmm much to think about)

"i have to be the one who killed sano" please fucking hit me with a truck it'd be less painful. tojo there is something so wrong with you you are literally the best <3

also after kitaoka told him there was no way he could ever be a hero he did like a 1:1 gills scream motion which is really funny bc they don't share a suit actor

ren clocking shinji with the "has your indecision ever helped a single person" GET HIS ASS!!!!!!! but also STOP IT!!!!! bc while i really don't see a point where pacifism is successfully getting anyone out of anywhere rn (atp in ep 46 at least) it makes me feel so bad about tezuka i'm going to hurl

the way tojo died was lame though L. thematically necessary but lame. (i'm just bitter bc i wanted him to also start hallucinating sano i'm sorry my goggles are on... also i just wanted him to spiral more the car bomb was a great step i wanted it to keep happening.... i get that asakura gets to stay around bc he's shiro's little meow meow but who says we couldn't have had two maniacs until the end [logical reasoning does. who said that])

i've realized in my notes/lb i haven't talked about kitaoka's illness a bunch (because thinking about it makes me So Miserable) but seriously if they had stayed in the scene after ren tells kitaoka he's disqualified it would have been my breaking point for Ryuki Crying (i'm surprised i've lasted this long but tbh ryuki to me inspires an intense hollowness in one's gut that leaves you sitting kind of hunched over staring slack-jawed at your screen like you just got punched rather than like bawling my eyes out) but no we have to immediately cut to asakura fighting the weird blue artificial monsters i don't necessarily understand the significance of? i get that there's generally some obligation for there to be monster fighting in each episode but most of the time i feel like it's such a time waster......

^this is maybe my largest criticism of ryuki? that there's So Much that it very often doesn't sit with itself bc it doesn't have the time to. and i LOVE to sit with a scene so it's just unfortunate. give me time to think!!!

episode 49 should i kms yes/no?

shiro and yui. it's so over. it's so over. it's so over. the way his voice changed as he begged her not to disappear it's so over.

before Everything Started happening i said and i quote "it'd be slay if they let ren win lmao" to make myself laugh bc i had just been released from the Doomed Siblings Pain and Horror Vortex. and then the police started preparing to assassinate asakura and i went pause. and then kitaoka is still slowly dying (i literally can't talk about it pleaseeeeeee just let it happen so this can stop torturing me PLEASEEEEEE) AND THEN SHINJI DIED. SO.

i don't even want to think about anything anymore. i need to excise this show from my brain so i can be normal i can't do this

okay. i fucking bawled all throughout the back half of 50. YOU GOT MEEEEE YOU FINALLY BROKE ME!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS

i literally can't talk about it bc if i start crying again i think i'm literally going to puke i was heaving

um. anyways. good show. i need to go lay down. maybe forever?

[vincewillard-1971]

Schizophrenia

Schizophrenia is a chronic, severe mental disorder that affects the way a person thinks, acts, expresses emotions, perceives reality, and relates to others. Though schizophrenia isn't as common as other major mental illnesses, it can be the most chronic and disabling.

People with schizophrenia often have problems doing well in society at work, at school, and in relationships. They might feel frightened and withdrawn, and could appear to have lost touch with reality. This life long disease can't be cured but can be controlled with proper treatment.

Contrary to popular belief, schizophrenia is not a split or multiple personality. Schizophrenia involves a psychosis, a type of mental illness in which a person can't tell what's real from what's imagined. At times, people with psychotic disorders lose touch with reality. The world may seem like a jumble of confusing thoughts, images, and sounds. A sudden changes in personality and behavior, which happens when people who have it lose touch with reality, is called a psychotic episode.

How severe is schizophrenia it varies from person to person. Some people have only one psychotic episode, while others have many episodes during a lifetime but lead relatively normal lives in between. Still others may have more trouble functioning over time, with improvement between full-blown psychotic episodes. Schizophrenia symptoms seem to worsen and improve in cycles known as relapse and remissions.

What Are the Early Symptoms of Schizophrenia

The condition usually shows it's first signs in men in their later teens or early 20s. It mostly affects women in their early 20s and 30s. The period when symptoms first start and before full psychosis is called the prodromal period. It can last days, weeks, or even years. It can be hard to spot because there's usually no specific triggers. You might only notice subtle behavioral changes especially in teens. This includes:

•A change in grades

•Social withdrawal

•Trouble concentrating

•Temper flares

•Difficulty sleeping

Positive Symptoms of Schizophrenia

In this case, the word positive doesn't mean good. It refers to added thoughts or actions that aren't based in reality. They're sometimes called psychotic symptoms and can include:

•Delusions: These are false, mixed, and sometimes strange beliefs that aren't based in reality and that the person refuses to give up, even when shown the facts. For example, a person with delusions may believe that people can hear their thoughts, that they are God or the devil, or that people are putting thoughts in their head or plotting against them.

•Hallucinations: These involve sensations that aren't real. Hearing voices is the most common hallucinations in people with schizophrenia. The voices may comment on the person's behavior, insult them or give commands. Less common types include seeing things that aren't there, smelling strange ordors, having funny taste in your mouth, and feeling sensations on your skin even though nothing is touching your body.

•Catatonia: In this condition, the person may stop speaking, and their body may be fixed in a single position for a very long time.

Diagnosing Symptoms of Schizophrenia

These are positive symptoms that show that the person can't think clearly or respond as excepted. Examples include:

•Talking in sentences that don't make sense or using nonsense words, making it difficult for the person to communicate or hold a conversations.

•Shifting quickly from one thought to the next without obvious logical connections between them.

•Moving slowly

•Being unable to make decisions

•Writing excessively but without meaning

•Forgetting or losing things

•Repeating movements or gestures, like pacing or walking in circles.

•Having problems making sense of everyday sights, sounds, and feelings.

Cognitive Symptoms of Schizophrenia

The person will have trouble:

•Understanding information and using it to make decisions (a doctor might call this poor executive functioning).

•Focusing or paying attention

•Using their information immediately after learning it (this is called working memory)

•Recognizing that they have any of those problems.

Negative Symptoms of Schizophrenia

The word "negative" here doesn't mean "bad." It notes the absence of normal behaviors in people with schizophrenia. Negative symptoms of schizophrenia include:

•Lack of emotion or a limited range of emotions.

•Withdrawal from family, and social activities.

•Less energy

•Speaking less

•Lack of motivation

•Loss of pleasure or interest in life

•Poor hygiene and grooming habits

What Causes Schizophrenia?

The exact cause of schizophrenia isn't known. But like cancer and diabetes, schizophrenia is a real illness with a biological basis. Researchers have uncovered a number of things that appear to make someone more likely to get schizophrenia including:

•Genetics (heredity): Schizophrenia can run in families, which means a greater likelihood to have schizophrenia may be passed on from parents to their children.

•Brain chemicals and circuits: People with schizophrenia may not be able to regulate brain chemicals called neurotransmitters that control certain pathways,or "circuits" of nerve cells that affect thinking and behavior

•Brain abnormality: Research has found abnormal brain structure in people with schizophrenia. It can affect people without the disease.

Environmental: Things like viral infections, exposure to toxins like marijuana, or highly stressful situations may trigger schizophrenia in people whose genes make them more likely to get the disorder. Schizophrenia more often surfaces when the body is having hormonal and physical changes, like those that happen during the teen and young adult years.

Who gets Schizophrenia?

Anyone can get schizophrenia. It affects people all over the world, from all races and cultures. While it can happen at any age, schizophrenia typically first appears in the teenage years or early 20s. The disorder affects men and women equally, although symptoms generally appear earlier in men. The earlier the symptoms start, the more severe the illness tends to be. Children over the age of 5 can have schizophrenia, but it's rare before adolescence.

How Is Schizophrenia Diagnosed

If symptoms of schizophrenia are present, the doctor will perform a complete medical history and sometimes a physical exam. While there are no laboratory tests to specifically diagnose schizophrenia, the doctor may use various tests, and possibly blood test or brain imaging studies, to rule out another physical illness or intoxication (substance-induced psychosis) as the cause of the symptoms.

If the doctor finds no other physical reason for the schizophrenia symptoms, they may refer the person to a psychiatrist or psychologist, mental health professional trained to diagnose and treat mental illnesses. Psychiatrist and psychologist use specially designed interviews and assessment tools to evaluate a person for a psychotic disorder. The therapist bases their diagnosis on the person's family's report of symptoms and their observations of the person's attitude and behavior.

A person is diagnosed with schizophrenia if they have at least two of these symptoms for at least 6 months:

•Delusions

•Hallucinations

•Disorganized speech

•Disorganized or catatonic behavior

•Negative symptoms

On of the symptoms has to be:

•Delusions

•Hallucinations

•Disorganized speech

During the 6 months, the person must have a month of active symptoms. (It can be less with successful treatment.)

Symptoms should relatively affect them socially or at work, and can't be caused by any other condition.

How Is Schizophrenia Treated?

The goal of schizophrenia treatment is to ease the symptoms and to cut the chances of a relapse, or return of symptoms. Treatment for schizophrenia may include:

•Medication: The primary medication used to treat schizophrenia are called antipsychotics. These drugs don't cure schizophrenia but help relieve the most troubling symptoms, including delusions, hallucinations, and thinking problems.

•Older (commonly referred to as "first-generation antipsychotics medication" used include:

•Chlorpromazine (Thorazine)

•Fluphenazine (Prolixin)

•Haloperidol (Haldol)

•Loxapine HCL (Loxapine)

Perphenazine (Trilafon)

•Thiothixene (Navane)

•Trifluoperazine (Stelazine)

•Newer "atypical" or second-generation drugs used to treat schizophrenia include:

•Aripiprazole

•Aripiprazole Lauroxil (Aristada)

•Asenapine (Sahris)

•Brexpiprazole (Rexulti)

•Cariprazine (Vraylar)

•Clozapine (Clozaril)

•Iloperidone (Fanapt)

•Lumateperone (Caplyta)

•Lurosidone (Latuda)

•Olanzopine (Zxperxa)

•Olanzapine/sanidorphan (Lybalvi)

•Paliperidone (Invega Trinza)

•Quetiapine (Seroquel)

•Risperidone (Risperdal)

•Ziprasidone (Geodon)

Note: Clozapine is the only FDA approved medication for treating schizophrenia that is resistant to other treatments. It's also used to lessen suicidal behaviors in those with schizophrenia who are at risk.

Coordination specialty care (CSC):

This is a team approach toward treating schizophrenia when the first symptoms appear. It combines medicine and therapy with social services, employment, and education interventions. The family is involved as much as possible. Early treatment is key to helping patients lead a normal life.

•Psychosocial therapy: While medication may help relieve symptoms of schizophrenia, various psychosocial treatments can help with the behavioral, psychological, social, and occupational problems that go with the illness. Through therapy, patients also can learn to mange their symptoms, identify early warning signs of relapse, and come up with a relapse prevention plan. Psychosocial therapies include:

•Rehabilitation, which focuses on social skills and job training to help people with schizophrenia function in the community and live as independently as possible.

•Cognitive remediation, which involves learning techniques to make up for problems with information processing. It often uses drills, coaching and computer-based exercises to strengthen mental skills that involve attention, memory, planning, and organization.

•Family therapy which can help families deal with a loved one who has schizophrenia, enabling them to better help their loved one.

•Group therapy/support groups, which can provide continuing support.

•Hospitalization: Many people with schizophrenia may be treated as outpatient. But hospitalization may be the best option for people:

•With severe symptoms

•Who might harm themselves or others

•Who can't care for themselves at home.

Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT): In this procedure, electrodes are attached to the person's scalp. While they're asleep under general anesthesia, doctors send a small electric shock to the brain. A course of ECT therapy usually involves 2-3 treatments per week for several weeks. Each shock treatment causes a controlled seizure. A series of treatments over time leads to improvement in mood and thinking. Scientist don't fully understand exactly how ECT and the controlled seizure it causes help, but some researchers think ECT-induced seizure may affect the release of neurotransmitters in the brain. ECT is less well-proven to help with schizophrenia than depression or bipolar disorder, so it isn't used very often when mood symptoms are absent. It can help when medications no longer work, or if severe or catatonic makes treating the illness difficult.

•Research: Researchers are looking at a procedure called deep brain stimulation (DBS) to treat schizophrenia. Doctors surgically implant electrodes that stimulate certain brain areas believed to control thinking and perception. DBS is an established treatment for severe Parkinson's disease and essential tremors, but it's experimental for the treatment of psychotic disorders.

Are People With Schizophrenia Dangerous

Popular books and movies often depict people with schizophrenia and other mental illnesses as dangerous and violent. This usually isn't true. Most people with schizophrenia are not violent. More typically, they prefer to withdraw and be left alone. When people with mental illness do take part in dangerous or violent behaviors, it's generally a result of their psychosis and the fear that they're being threatened in some way by their surroundings. Drug or alcohol use can make it worse.

On the other hand, people with schizophrenia can be a danger to themselves. Suicide is the top cause of premature death among people with schizophrenia.

What Is the Outlook for People With Schizophrenia?

With proper treatment, most people with schizophrenia can lead productive and fulfilling lives. Depending on how severe the condition is and how well they get and stick with treatment, they should be able to live with their families or in community settings rather than in long-term psychiatric hospitals.

Ongoing research on the brain and how brain disorders happen will likely lead to more effective medicines with fewer side effects.

Can Schizophrenia Be Prevented? There's no known way to prevent schizophrenia. But early diagnosis and treatment can help avoid or case frequent relapses and hospitalizations, and help cut the disruption to the person's life, family, and relationships.

[dopaminergicaddictions]

So this new therapist said that ocd can create a voice like my brain can decide that it's too overwhelmed by it and create a voice to make the ocd less stressful... I mean how come it isn't in the DSM-5 How come it isn't on NOCD??

How come so many therapist are trying to prove that I'm the ocd voice guy? When I yelled at Mike about the narrative versus auditory hallucination like I said he actually cried a little cause of how hurt I was but he admitted the ocd voice is a NARRATIVE not an auditory hallucination. Is it that therapist are trying to prove ocd has auditory hallucinations and they want me to be their fucking proof?

I even explained to her, Tyler/tyla doesn't want me to check. He says things, like, "I want you to forget about checking your car," when I'm bringing in groceries and get the last bag and can't. When I'm counting my hand washing and I forget I'm on 5 and I say 4, he goes nope it's 5, I'm trying to help you. When I do my checking out of order he says, "it's good that you're doing it differently" cause he doesn't want me to believe it's ocd voices and he wants me to break the ritual... I explained this to her and she was like, "see the voice is trying to make the OCD less overwhelming!" Ummm yea dumb ass it's because it's not an ocd voice. An ocd voice would be like check you car, you did it wrong. Wash your hands. You touched that it'll kill you. What a stupid fuck.

Then she asked me about my therapist Mike and what he does, I said ERP. This stupid 50 something year old woman (I've been trying to get someone between 50-75 for experience for christ sake) had OCD as her expertise on her profile. She asked, "what is erp?" What the actual fuck you dumb fuck, it's exposure response prevention like the gold standard of OCD Treatment. I still want to try ICBT but she doesn't do that either.

Then she asked me about how the voice sounds, like if it sounds like two different voices, it's a fucking auditory hallucination. Sometimes it sounds like a chipmunk. Tyler sounds like a girl that's why I switch between Tyler and Tyla. But he has mostly the same voice but sometimes he sounds demonic too. Sometimes, he sounds like refurberated air coming out of my air conditioner. She made me doubt it's the same voice but I know it is cause we converse regularly.

Hearing my voice as an hallucination, it sounds deeper than Tyler but when Tyler repeats my voice, it sounds more like his. But yea I want to give up on therapy. I really only like Erin. Erin actually has experience has empathy and I've known her for a long time. She's over 50 and I already saw her 7 years ago for like 3 years. She knows hypnosis and emdr, If the voice would go away I'd do it again.

Mike showed real empathy that day. I mean he choked down tears and he may not be my favorite but he is on my side and he gets why we aren't questioning the fucking THC-induced psychosis but I still want to replace him eventually.

Why is it that I have to have so many therapist question my reality though? Why do they make me doubt myself? The new one said that she believes it is thc induced probably, she said,"it quacks like a duck" but she had to throw in that fucking ocd can create an auditory hallucination. She doesn't even know what fucking ERP is.

Why do therapists on psychology today lie about their expertise?? Why don't therapists read a room? I'm like millimeters away from suicide and the only hope I have is it being thc induced and it ending soon. Why not keep your ideas to yourself until you know a client for more than 1 hour or even fucking 25 minutes? Idk what to do. I wanted to replace Mike. Now idk if I'm seeing him or canceling on this other weird person. I don't feel like I'm giving her a chance but ocd does not cause auditory hallucinations.

There is a link potentially between psychosis and ocd for the people who are not based in reality at all. The ones that really think the contaminate will kill them but...... it's still psychosis....... not ocd voice... not voices created by ocd....that's all I found after a deep dive.

She actually said maybe your brain created the voice cause your lonely......... how fucking stupid are you.

[hyenadon]

woke up at 2:30 yday sent an email to my managers wish I could fall back asleep but i'm thinking abt a few things

1) my mom (not my biomom, my real mom) realized she might be autistic and i'm like. yeah. yes. we've been telling you. Babe. No shit. I've known you since I was like 13 or 14 and you've been so deeply autistic that whole time. Babes. Hon. Being super good at masking doesn't make you not autistic. You're just good at masking. MOM YOU ARE SO AUTISTIC. MOM. YOU CRY AT NOISES. MOM. MOM. MUMMA. YOU ARE SO INCREDIBLY AUTISTIC. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, MUMMA GIRAFFE. YOU ARE AUTISTIC. YA DUMMY. I LOVE YOU.

2) people tend to not believe me when I say I might be autistic or have adhd but I really have been doing the research. I've done my raads-r, ive done my cat-q. I've also talked to multiple liscened therapists and theyve said like "hmnnnn sounds like adhd or autism" And along with that it seems that I have a *lot* of the comorbidities that show up with autism. I have tummy issues, I have recently discovered that I have FUCKING GOD DAMN SEIZURES, maybe epilepsy, And my mom, who is a literal goddamn autism researcher, said "yeah that happens a lot with autism". And my biological parents have heard me describe how I feel about like, eye contact, and communication, and always feeling like i'm not communicating Good Enough, and my BIOLOGICAL PARENTS. the worst people on the earth. The folks that don't *listen* at all. Even they have said "are you sure you aren't autistic?" like. if even THEY can notice that I might be autistic, I feel like that's enough.

i'm tired of talking about how autistic I am but just like a reminder about how I genuinely might have epilepsy- in the past month both times i've felt this weird have been right when theres been a thunderstorm or a tornado and everyone I know who has migraines or seizures tells me that thunderstorms are a huge affector.

also I think i'm having super quick hallucinations. They are very easy to dismiss and toss away as not-real, but like. god I need to get to a doctor as soon as possible. i am seizing. i'm puking so hard my nose starts bleeding. i'm motherfucking hallucinating. thats not okay. (at least the hallucinations aren't super scary. Last one, a few minutes ago, was a gianr tarantula crawling across my windowsill, and I stared at it and thought to myself "that is not real".) but heres the thing. It's still scary even though I know its not real. it's scary *because* its not real.

and my dog can smell it too, i'm pretty sure. No, i'm very sure. Koda has done this a few times before, she starts chewing on my hands, nosing at my face, nipping at me, whining, yelping. And it's only been in the summer, during a storm, during a time of stress. All of the symptoms are there and Koda knows them.

it just uhm. fucking blows. bc Im p sure i fit every diagnostic criteria for epilepsy and then most criteria for autism or adhd. i can deal w the autism or adhd but the epilepsy....i feel so sick lately and I keep snapping in and out of concuousness wnd falling asleep in the middle of sentences its not ok i need to se doctor so soon anywau goodnnitut

[crispy-ghee]

Hi crispy-gee , sorry if I bothering you right now but can I ask you a question?

I remember that you published a post about three clans of yautja and one of them is Ki’dto. I want to know a little bit more about this clan, how is relationships between other clans, what are they haunting for and are they used some technologies?

And also if you not mind can we draw some yautja character from these clans?

Hi! You aren't bothering me! I apologize to everyone who has asked me questions the past while, I have not been very good at responding lately.

People can definitely make Yautja characters from any of my clans, sure! That sounds like fun.

The Ki'dto are considered weirdos by the other two Datlokh clans (the Bid'ha and the Dakh), which is a valid opinion. The Ki'dto live in the jungle swamps, which are filled with all manner of deadly plants and animals, many of which are poisonous/venemous/both. Because of this, the Ki'dto have adapted over the years to not only understand the effects of these poisons, but to adopt them into many aspects of their lives. Practical, spiritual, offensive, etc.

They know how to mix things perfectly for specific effects which they use for hunting and warfare. A big part of their coming of age ceremonies include youths making poisons and antidotes, having to drink them and show that they are strong enough to endure the effects, and then (hopefully) proving their skill in antidote-making by drinking their antidotes. If you survive, good job! You may enter society properly.

They're known colloquially as Poison Drinkers. There are practical reasons--ingesting it over a period of their lives allows them some protection from the dangerous flora and fauna that surround them. But they also use it for religious purposes, thinking it makes them stronger in battle, or that it allows some of their shamans to commune with the dead. The poisons (sometimes temporarily, sometimes permanently) affect their coloration, and you can pretty much tell by how bright their colors become just how dangerous they are.

Great at stealth and survival. Some are Hunters. Many of them raise tracking hounds. Not as technologically inclined as many other tribes, including their sister clans. Many live/hang out in small, tightknit groups of 2 or 3--hunting groups that were formed in their training, and probably the most important connections that they have.

Never drink something a Ki'dto hands you. It's a well-known and popular prank among them. Their alcohol is so strong and often mixed with (small, mostly non-fatal) amounts of poison that many Yautja are knocked flat or stumbling (or hallucinating) not long after.

They are considered an important part of the Datlokh alliance but they are definitely a clan that the other two find offputting and they have to brace themselves for interacting with them.