#it's kinda more immoral than daddy

[homochihuahua]

Reverse Robins where Dick brings Jason back into the family folds by calling him "Papi"

Bruce is absolutely baffled.. but at least it worked????

[who1ssheesh]

If you're still doing it I can't wait to see the prompt with squalos s/o being buds with Xanxus 😂

Squalo's S/O being buds with Xanxus

Pairings: Squalo/Reader, Xanxus/Reader (PLATONIC)

Notes: yes. absolutely. i live for those two idiots. This one is long af compared to Xanxus' one and I can't explain why. But I had so much fun with this, Xanxus is a soulmate in a bro-ish way????

Warnings: good ol swearing, brief mentions of sex (not much really), probably OOC and terrible english (ur not my teacher ha ha)

• First of all, holy shit that’s impressive?

• Second of all, must be mentioned that Xanxus kinda….doesn't see women as friends? He looks at them sexually right away. Or so he thought

• Third of all, Squalo gotta be terrified

• Fourth of all (that's a lot of counting) Squalo situation is not having any drama as Xanxus' does, he is a pure comedy gold and so is his relationship with you. That's what no daddy issues does to you, but what do i know

• Not comedy as if a clown comedy, but a good harsh bri'ish comedy - insert Utopia reference. Squalo is more than confident in you since you obviously date for some time for him to move in with you and therefore reveal you to his boss.

• I'll tell you a secret btw, Xanxus probably guessed he has you because Squalo is a loser cuck and started to act differently.

• I think Xanxus doesn’t give a shit enough to just bust into Squalo’s apartment for any stupid reason as if it’s his own. So if you at least haven’t heard of him as your boyfriend’s boss, you’re going to meet him in person

• Xanxus coming up and breaking your door just to nap:

🧍

• Squalo never told Xanxus where he lives, that bitch just knows

• Never in his life Xanxus expected to see one day a shmoll girl there and not hear screaming at the top of one’s lungs. He still says Squalo is a fucking virgin loser femboy ugly ass haha lol lmao, he can’t be deprived of those shitty jokes…

• I mean it, Xanxus can get pissed seeing you too being lovey-dovey but I'll expand this drama later

• Xanxus is basically your adopted stray cat, deal with it

• Squalo won't say this out loud or says this very...covertly and probably insults you along the way, but anyways he really appreciate you dealing with all that bullshit. He does indeed value strong character - you don't need to wield a big sword or shoot a gun, but going through his path even though you can be confused or scared means much. He knows a lot of cowards who can shoot a gun, so...Squalo looks much deeper than that. Shark, ocean, DEEP, get it<<<<<<</////??????? I'll see myself out.

• He is lowkey terrified but...also chill? Unlike Xanxus, he doesn't overthink (at least not much). He of course draws a line at some things - at first Squalo was really mad at his boss staying...alone....with you....at you house (he is jealous) cause Xanxus is immoral bitch and would try to fuck you if he wants to.

• Also is you start gossiping or making fun of him with Xanxus, holy shit Squalo is quick to start raging. It's one thing to gossip and laughing at some bud, but doing so about your partner is a huge red flag for him. If you have any problems. come straight to Squalo he is an adult and prefers just discussing problems.

• Well, Xanxus also will certainly not respect you for trying to spill out your bullshit on him and talking shit about his captain. He has standards. (And not because he is a little uwu girl and actually deep DEEP like ocean bottom deep cares about Squalo)

• “The fuck happened here?”, Squalo is on edge, to say the least, seeing stains of blood around the apartment and you cleaning it with a clearly annoyed expression

“So your boss-“

“My boss?!”

“-got over again”

“AGAIN???”

• So, the situation: Squalo, as a person who values trust in relationship the most, is really pissed (sad….) you’re keeping the truth away from him, and you, thinking he’s aware his boss is chilling around since…..well, Superbia is his right hand, makes sense?

• You didn’t know about their burning hate for each other. Gotta be jealous, his love to you will never be as true, fiery and emotional as his undying HATE!!!! for Xanxus

• You screaming “get a fucking room, deepshits” when they start arguing again

• You probably got Xanxus with an insult. Obviously. Sorry, you’ve signed a pact, nothing in your life will be normal again, just like your boyfriend (he’s a little unstable. Just a little)

• Xanxus haven’t been around your house for long - leaving more work for Superbia and leaving right after, quickly patching a quick wound and stealing alcohol, of course

• You’ve been quieter than a mouse, thinking you shouldn’t be involved in Squalo’s business, but one day Xanxus was noticeably not feeling good, ready to pass out, so…you helped him obviously

• Xanxus being Xanxus didn’t thank you, got pissed because air was too warm for his liking or smth and was whining that actually you did a poor job tending his wound

• “Bitch, I will kill you in your sleep?” sent him away, he honestly found this hilarious (we’re talking about your audacity here)

• You got a chuckle out of him, whick you didn't think about much at first, but a Squalo's shocked expression said everything. You can be proud

• Lowkey Xanxus doesn't separate you two together in his mind, you both are a one Superbia homunculus in his mind. Maybe that's why Xanxus with Squalo's s/o feels so....included for all three of you compared to other way around lol

• Even your jokes are on the same line istg

• Xanxus feels even...bittersweet.

• He is...kinda cautious? He knows Squalo is capable of getting out from the devil himself (remember how may times he "died" in manga lol), but you...well...he double checks every visit. Xanxus is very brutal and, unbothered and nonchalant but very smart. Makes sure no one is on his tail.

• Don't get me wrong, it's not in a sweet family way, but you kinda start having dinners together? Both are bitching around but you notice in the end they start having a human conversation instead of their regular unga-bunga

• Xanxus likes this

• Xanxus feels home

• Unlike Squalo, he can't show his devotion to save his life, so you just know there is a "useful friend of a friend that can solve some problems with a call". But I'll tell you, Xanxus will double-check if something is serious, not just throw problems as subordinates.

• Mafia is not flowers and sunshine. Those two have had a conversation "what to do if Squalo dies". Xanxus probably threw a glass at him and said to not be an idiot, but he didn't say no. You're the first person he can call at least an acquaintance, so...

• Well, that counts when we talk about older Xanxus, I'm sure he is mellowed out by that time (+ just enough time for you and Squalo to establish your relationship)

• He's not the type to get over at 2am if there's a problem lol. Maybe he can miss a call cause he's a heavy sleeper. But if anything, you have his subordinates at your place.

• He will teach you to drink. Will laugh his ass off when you fail to beat his ass at drinking competition again and Squalo is having a heart stroke on the background

• Xanxus will turn you in a copy of himself just to piss ofs Squalo lol

• You learning his mood by the intonation he says 'trash'

• Also you calling him janitor or sum in return. Varia horrified you dare to do this, and Xanxus laughing. He still shoots your way though...

• If you're not Italian, you MUST teach him swearing on your native language. Also tell him if there is any local alcohol (of course)

• "Yeah, I teached him coupla words", you laugh, looking obviously happy being a useful friend and having a surprisingly cozy chat with Xanxus.

Squalo is very confused by that. "What the fuck, but he DOES know this language already?"

• I'm sorry but so many sex jokes. Xanxus doesn't give a shit what you do there in the bedroom (until you invite him over ahaha joke unless), but he's going to be a little shit

• Xanxus is 12 yo btw.

• "Can you suck him off so he shuts the fuck up or smth?"

• LITERALLY LOOKING AT SQUALO "NO BITCHES????"

• This idiot fools around sometimes and throws 9-yo-school-bully insults lol

• "He said he wants to marry /insert random woman name/ when he grows up". 25+ y/o Squalo looking at him just:

🧍

• I hope you two have a cat. Xanxus will feed it. Raw meat and everything a fluffy boy shouldn't but it's Xanxus we're talking about. Literally a teenage edgy teen "ITS NOT A PHASE MOM" at your house.

• Naps on your bed ONLY to leave hiss smell of tabaco, whiskey and a heavy cologne. He 100% heehaws thinking about this - Squalo will NEVER be able to have sex if there is reminding him of Xanxus, like an instant turn off. You always try to complain to Xanxus about this absurd situation but start laughing to the point of crying, Xanxus becomes HYSTERICAL at these moments.

• He will teach you how to shoot. Usually he just drinks there and says you're pathetic while you try. But he keeps inviting you himself, so....Xanxus is a little sappy shit. You only use Squalo's photos as a target, so you get sad a bit and probably tell your boyfriend afterwards. He will say he wants to kill you both or smth.

• Xanxus bringing you ideas in your bed. "Hey so you can tie him up and beat to death as a foreplay".

• He will make you rank up bodies of other women he finds hot. Also if you're a girls' girl, Xanxus will ruin this completely. Basically like "just by looking at her tell be if she's a bitch"

• Xanxus enjoys if you talk shit about someone cause he is the same way.

• He will drag you into his shitty gang ideas. If Squalo could go gray-headed again, he would.

• Squalo looking at you both beaten up anf almost getting caught by the police: "why are you like this."

• To be honest, you may be having a serious talk with your man. Squalo is unironically worried, he did a LOT to keep you away from mafia but here you are. If you are very good at convincing (20 CHA lol), he can just a little bit become convinced that you getting hardened can be useful for mafia life "just in case".

• Also MAYBE he can notice the influence Xanxus has on you. Feminine clothes change to leather jackets and grunge, your knuckles even being bloody way too often, you may be smoking more frequently. Squalo is kind of chill with you finding you identity, but if you start wearing feathers in your hair HE LOOSES HIS MIND

• Xanxus will personally train you, if you ever discover your flame. They will have a fight about this with Squalo.

• Xanxus is proud of you tho. One day he will say this, I'm sure

• People know your bond, they know he does appreciate your opinion even in Varia business, and even anything happened he knows Varia is in the right hand - Squalo is more than competent and there is a little angry copy of himself so Xanxus' spirit always haunts Vongola till the end of time. hehe

• You are a badass little sis. He has never had a family, but that...feels nice.

[oraclekleo]

Stray Kids as Villains (non tarot)

Disclaimer:

This isn't tarot related

These are my personal impressions

I'm in no way saying any of the members would ever be as evil as described here

This is a hypothetical scenario 'what if'

Some things might trigger you, don't read if you are overly sensitive person

Stray Kids as Villains

(Based on my observation, non-tarot)

Bang Chan

Bang Chan really oozes some daddy vibes so I think, in a twisted reality, he could become the super perfectionist father, forcing his child to achieve the goals Chan had himself but for some reason wasn’t able to reach. You know the type of father who will put his daughter through a drill on the ice ring to push her towards an olympic gold medal for ice skating. The type of villain who sort of means well and wants his children to be more successful in life than he was but in fact ruining their lives, pushing them into extremes. He might be super bitter about his own failed ambitions, blaming others and circumstances for his life failures. So yeah, not exactly a super villain but more like an everyday person gone too far over the border.

Lee Know

Lee Know would make a good Joker but that’s not the only villain he could portray. He’s sort of a wild card. He might become any type of villain but I can mostly see him as a shady but sort of fun and sarcastic villain, someone who knows how to bend or break the rules. A leader of high class thieves, the brain of a super complex heist, that’s Lee Know. His charisma can seduce a cashier in a bank so he can pull some crucial security information from her, he can dress up as a janitor to map the bank and the positioning of CCTV, he can easily play a wealthy foreign potential investor talking to the head manager of the bank and letting them show him their vault security level. Lee Know and his crew would rob the bank successfully but Lee Know being too greedy would also have a watertight perfect plan on disposing of his minions so he doesn’t have to pay them and there’s no risk of anyone breaking at police interrogation.

Changbin

Changbin is a tough one. He’s not very villainous in my eyes but let’s try. He gives both boyfriend and daddy vibes so I guess he could go a similar way as Chan. Only he would be the overprotective and possessive boyfriend, who checks his lover’s phone, texts them every hour asking where they are and who is with them. His love could go toxic and unhealthy. The Bluebeard type of a villain. Changbin would slowly separate his lover from their friends and family completely so nobody would actually notice when they disappear. Changbin would murder them and somewhat preserve them so they remain his dolls in some basement gallery of his own and he would ‘collect’ lovers like that. Oh! So I could actually come up with a pretty scary villain even for a guy who doesn’t look villainous. Ain’t I a genius? Lol!

Hyunjin

When it comes to Hyunjin there are more options but I’m gonna go with the most scary one (as I usually do). I think Hyunjin might make a good psycho cult leader. The type of a man, who gathers devoted worshippers around him, especially those who will gladly serve him in more intimate ways. He would teach about some obscure and hella crazy beliefs. He’s a charismatic manipulator and a persuasive rhetorician. He would make his worshippers do anything for him. Sorry for going this dark here and if it triggers you, you shouldn’t read a post about villains.

Han

Oof! Han is too sweet for a villain… I don’t know. Maybe he could be like a sidekick to a villain? Something like an evil version of Batman’s Robin? A young ward of a cruel and greedy villain, a boy only knowing immoral behaviours and so acting like a bully at prestigious school because he knows nothing better? I guess I can’t really figure anything harder for him.

Felix

Felix is also kinda sweet but I can come up with a villainous version of him. He would make a great Venom. He would make such a perfect anti-hero, a guy who would actually be envious of his buddy’s successes that he would be willing to team up with an evil space entity in order to acquire some super powers to match those he’s envious about. He would gladly sacrifice his own personality and autonomy to the parasite.

Seungmin

I don’t know… Seriously. I have no idea. I’m open to your suggestion here because I have spent an hour on Seungmin and I just don’t know.

I.N

Okay! I know! An evil ancient demon waking up after a thousand years of forced imprisonment and ready to sweep the human kind off the earth’s surface. Something like Imhotep in the Mummy movie with Brandon Fraser, if anyone here ever saw it. I.N would make such a great ancient spirit going for revenge spree and hitting the world with one disaster after another. He would have some magic powers or super powers, maybe even needing to perform some bloody ritual sacrifice at the top of some temple in the middle of the jungle. Releasing the powers of some ancient evil to the world. Invincible demon I.N

You can find more Darkness here:

Idols After Dark Master Post

Thank you for reading!

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[barbatos-sama]

so i've made some changes, the family structure especially has changed plus the circumstances of roxanna's death, and it kinda surprised me looking back at the original post how much it's changed and i didn't even realize.

• twins gillian and christopher anthony, as well as their younger brother glenn, are patrick's children. he had them with an unnamed wife who died when they were still young.

• patrick and ramone are not brothers, they have a natural rivalry that the chief of police and a mafia boss would of course. they could have been brothers in a different life, because roxanna and ramone were an item. together they had a daughter, who turned out to actually be a son (trans rights) zachary.

• (so zach is a cousin)

• roxanna and ramone had secretly been seeing each other because obviously roxanna does not want her ultimate narc brother knowing she's canoodling with the literal mob. patrick thinks roxanna is a single mother whose dad is completely out of the picture, but that's not quite true. ramone didn't really get involved with his child, but it was less out of not caring about him and more out of not wanting to involve their kid in yknow, mob stuff. he still sent good money home to support them and he and roxanna still banged on occasion.

• roxanna spent a lot of time with patrick's kids once their mom died because she didn't have a lot going on her life (she was living comfortably off that mob money. shhh don't tell patrick.) so the siblings and zach were raised close to each other. anthony especially in his grief over his mom really clung to roxanna. (no one tell anthony this but roxanna obviously favored zach, the kid that actually came out of her. she never let that show because she's not a monster, just thought i'd throw that in lmao)

• however one might patrick and his force finally raided ramone's complex and an intense shootout ensued. unfortunately that was one of the nights where roxanna and ramone were together there, so patrick ended up killing not only his long time rival but also his sister, who he had no idea was even there.

• all the kids were devastated by losing roxanna, who by that point had essentially been raising them for years. everyone except gillian, who was a big daddy's girl and never much cared for roxanna (who she viewed as trying to replace her real mom).

• as per protocol both ramone and roxanna's souls were saved in canisters. patrick took both of their souls back home. ramone's soul canister would be displayed like a trophy in his office. it's not uncommon for famous/infamous people's souls to be treated this way. it's kind of like how celebrities graves get robbed. it's a legal gray area so while a lot of people view it as immoral it's not technically illegal to treat souls like an item rather than human remains.

• patrick didn't want the kids finding out that he was the one responsible for roxanna's death, but it didn't take much to put two and two together. anthony especially was furious that yet another mother figure had been taken from him, and it was a screaming match. patrick didn't care about his sister very much, he was honestly more angry that she was involved in criminal activity than the fact that he'd accidentally killed her. he also didn't care about his kids, in fact he resented having to deal with them. (with the exception of gillian, she was the favorite and kissed his ass all the time) patrick was already planning on kicking anthony out of the house since he was 18, and he saw an opportunity.

• in an effort to be the most evil person ever, he told anthony that he was going to use roxanna's soul to make a legacy, and anthony would have to fend for himself in the world while taking care of that legacy, so he would know what it's like "having a little fucker who takes and takes from you." anthony knew that if he didn't agree to it, his aunt's soul would probably be disrespected, whether it be used at a footrest, sold, or worse. it was also a way for patrick to kind of "get back" at roxanna for putting a blemish on the day family reputation, even though this legacy isn't Actually roxanna.

• thus auggie was created, using a military grade machine. at the time, anthony said no to giving them an activation phrase, yknow the phrase that could trigger them to become a mindless drone with no agency. patrick super secretly programmed one in anyway, a secret mousekatool for later 🤫

• so, now anthony is 19 and he has a whole new person to look after, as well as zach, who patrick would not take custody of. now it's the same as before, anthony is struggling to take care of two minors while he's barely an adult himself. he gets into the criminal life as it's really his only option after being dropped into the shady underbelly of the city so suddenly.

• he meets my beloved blue eyed blonde boy dallas blackbell. after doing petty teenage crime for a while anthony finally managed to get a real job, and was trying to sort of get away from that kind of life, but dallas stuck around because zach and auggie had grown fond of him. anthony started getting annoyed at dallas' presence and definitely didn't like him being around auggie. after all it was roxanna's involvement with crime that got her killed.

• dallas is a stubborn little asshole though and didn't give up on auggie, because he could tell that anthony wasn't treating her right (see: overprotectiveness and locking her in her room to "protect" her)

• queue kitten, zach's mom, offering to take them out of illumine. zach and glenn go, knowing they'll have better opportunities for transitioning and medical school respectively. kitten won't accept auggie though and anthony won't leave auggie behind, resulting in it just being the two of them left in their tiny apartment. zach really hates having to leave auggie and tells dallas to keep an eye on them.

• something something auggie sneaking out of her window to go on adventures with dallas during the night.

• by this point several years had passed and gillian and anthony were back in touch, they would talk on the phone. they were very different people with very different opinions on patrick but he wanted to at least Try to get along with her since his family was so broken and scattered. during their conversations he mentioned how auggie was becoming rebellious and how he was afraid how they would end up. gillian ended up cheekily giving up the information that patrick had told her, auggie's activation phrase. anthony was disgusted and said he'd never use it, but uh oh now he knows. the mousekatool is planted.

• something something auggie getting that head wound, zach trying to use the activation word, auggie having a bitch you THOUGHT moment, emancipation, dallas taking auggie away from there so they can live in the van together and be gay

• zach officially moves back in with gillian after this since patrick no longer lives there, he's upgraded from police chief to politician now, with gillian taking his old job.

• i will write more about auggie and dallas' gay van adventures in a future post but this one is getting long

[transhawks]

yeah stepping in. Aside from afohawks being mostly a joke, I think this is fundamentally missing a few things.

First off, no one shipping afohawks wants them to end up together, I hope lmao.

Second, All For One and Hawks are fairly similar people. All For One's obsession over emulating a stock character in a comic/light novel and viewing morality and reality (Jobber Characters!!! Story!!!) through that lens is very similar to Keigo. That's why Keigo and him have been having that back and forth about stories - Keigo understands seeing reality through that surreal moment of the fantastical breaking through the mundane and banal horror of his existence as a child. His fixation on Endeavor is him still seeing through that lens.

They're men prone to extreme actions and hypocrisy and denial - All For One's professing of amorality when he's instead immoral and Hawks justifying immoral actions for his morals, etc. The interest in afohawks jsut comes from wanting to joke about their interactions and also because they're deeply flawed and complex characters and it'd be fascinating watching them interact in other circumstances. No one here genuinely thinks Keigo should go whip out a ring and call AFO daddy.

And like... AFO is just...very comic book evil. Enji's a marital rapist and child abuser and a wife beater. Keigo spent the first few years of his life in a household with a wife beater (Tomie shows bruising) and child abuser and there's implications Tomie had Keigo to trap Thief anyhow. There's a reason why jokingly pairing Keigo with a villain who seems like he's taken from a Bond movie seems more palatable than Endeavor. Shit's a bit too real. Keigo worships him. Endeavor barely thinks of him outside of work aside from being a respected coworker he kinda knows enough.

Keigo holds no illusions about AFO.

idk anyway the whole thing is a joke haleigh and I make in our server why the fuck is there a serious comparison...

Surprised to see that you prefer afohawks over endhawks despite their premises being kinda the same.

(I do think afo being 100x worse than endeavor makes a difference)

Hawks is literally NOT out here with a parasocial attachment to AFO

Where are you pulling this from???

He's just repeatedly trying to decapitate him and keep him from leaving

[flashyfucker]

you know what i’m gonna need the sl*ttiest hc for ryan lindgren you have cause it’s my birthday today and i need to have something to smile about (pretty pls 🥺)

okay okay in like a f*cked up extension of the stuff we've talked about w him, i'm feeling some kinda filthy and immoral (but hot) secret hooking up vibes. sry this got so long lmao

cause like, ryan really can treat you better. in all facets of a relationship, but specifically in bed. and not only does he know it, he's smug about it. somehow, you don't feel bad for mistreating your soon-to-be ex when you're telling ryan your address, when he's sending his ETA and texting you in the uber over, only half-joking when he asks when’s the last time you were properly used?

and he's not joking at all when the genuinely friendly, chill movie night you'd planned together lasts barely an hour before you get to talking, and, shit, he really does want to know the last time you were fucked right. head lolled back into the couch, he'd look borderline innocent asking it. and you'd look away, meek while telling him the closest was the last time you made yourself come, like, a few days ago (and you forego telling him it was after you'd scrolled his instagram, gotten all hot over embarrassingly pg-13 photos of him after he'd jokingly called himself daddy on facetime. but, somehow, it's like he knows: the lilt in your tone is telling.).

he'd have this little stroke of confidence, curiosity, maybe, when he asks "d'you wanna show me? show me how you fucked yourself right?" and you'd start under the blankets, both of you insisting it's okay, you're not even touching each other, gloss over the blush that rises to his cheeks as you rub yourself over your clothes.

and you can't come, yourself, like this, even once you've pushed your hand under your PJs and sunken two fingers into yourself. not when he's right there, pulling long, hard strokes over his cock out of your view, moaning all light and airy, the cruellest tease. you can't finish by yourself when you could have him, and he knows it.

he knows it, and he holds it over you, asking you through laboured breaths how you like it, what doesn't he give you, what do you need?, and when "hard, rough," airlessly slips your lips, ryan's eyes squeeze shut, his hand slows, muscles gone taut as he sighs shakily.

he only lets you nearly come once before he, himself, can't take it: cock leaking and throbbing and his brain hurts, a little, at the sight of you, mouth ajar with pinched brows, chasing your orgasm fruitlessly. you look like you could cry, and he hates how that only makes him harder, but still, he flips you, takes the wind out of you and he's on you, fucking you into the couch cushions, reckless in how he pulls and pushes bruisingly at your hips more than he’s thrusting. and it’s so much, when you’re coming embarrassingly fast and slumped forward a little, he’s pulling you back, making sure that you’re coming around him, your cunt has something to grip as it clenches. 

all the while he’s running his mouth, your tight pussy only a fraction of what’s getting him off as you babble: calls of ryan, daddy, fuck, thank you. and he feeds into it tenfold, asking you “who’s daddy? who owns this little cunt?” and “you want another? tell me how bad you want another.” cause now he’s had a taste, ryan doesn't give a fuck about that other guy who thinks he has you. ryan's got you on your knees pleading for a second orgasm on daddy's cock. you're all his, now, daddy's little cockslut.

[chrisevansgoodgirl]

light of my life, fire of my loins. be a good baby, do what i want.

summary: requested: Andy Barber gives me such strong sugar daddy vibes I haven’t watched the show but he just looks like the kinda guy who would spoil the shit outta someone

warnings: smut everywhere. and you know, sugar daddy shit, so. also, doesn’t make a lot of sense. I have a lot more that I actually wrote, I just wasn’t sure where I was going with this. so...prompt sugar andy daddy if you want more???

word count: around 10,400

pairing: andy barber  x reader

a/n: anon! I want you to know that I started working on this as soon as you requested it! I just wanted to make sure I really got sugar daddy andy down and that it wasn’t steve rogers that I was writing. I am so sorry bc you definitely deserved this a very long time ago! if there are any typos, I apologize, I just needed to get this posted before work.

When you met Andy, you had been juggling three jobs, gaining more debt than you would probably ever be able to pull off even with a degree, fairly sucky grades caused by how much you worked, resulting in stress, anxiety, all that great shit that comes along with being someone in America that dares to want to pursue higher education.

After a few months dating Andy, you had one job that you only kept for autonomy reasons, shrinking debt, excellent grades, and truly, no stress at all. Instead of spending a night waiting tables at the restaurant near the campus, where disgusting men would flirt with you because you were on the clock and literally could not leave, you were in a tiny ass dress, covered in diamonds, drinking champagne, and trying not to be too obvious about the cum dripping down your thighs.

Obscene was often a word that you played with in your mind whenever you were with Andy. Your outfits were indecent because he loved seeing as much of your skin as he possibly could. Your behavior was shameless, you showed up, you laughed, you hung onto him the entire night with the smuggest of smiles. Your willingness, especially in public, was vulgar, the way you let him touch you in front of everyone. Salacious. Indecorous. Immoral. Debauched.

These parties that he took you to were only half of it. According to his son, Jacob, Andy hadn’t been one for socializing before the divorce. He claimed that this was something new his father picked up, something that he theorized was the consequence of loneliness. You figured that you also fell under that category. These people weren’t actually his friends and you weren’t actually his girlfriend.

Andy wanted a distraction and you were just fucked up and high-maintenance enough to be perfect for the job. Getting into the swing of things had been quite the task at the start, much to your surprise. Who didn’t want a gorgeous man to spoil them? Apparently you, if your earlier behavior was any indication.

You had started this with wanting to be as professional as possible. When you had pictured how this would look, it was you listening to him speak whenever he wanted, you would respond when prompted but it would be short, succinct, and your main concern would be maintaining your physical attractiveness. You tried to think of him as your employer, you were his employee, and that meant that there needed to be respect and boundaries. You pictured a lot of pretending. Pretending to laugh, pretending to care, pretending to enjoy his company, pretending to come.

You had also thought you were going to smart. This wasn’t some stupid Lifetime movie and you had dreams and goals and if you played your cards right, this man could put you on a sure path to reaching all you had ever hoped to accomplish. At least, that was what you were telling yourself when you’d had the mental quandary: were you a prostitute?

Thankfully, both phases of resistance had been dropped—possibly around the first time he went down on you. You were no expert, but “professional” probably barred him from fucking you in about 90% of his chosen locations. And whether you were a “prostitute”, an “escort”, a “hooker”, or whatever other demeaning word anyone could come up with, was another unimportant matter. Anyone could call you anything, at the end of the day, you had money.

It was supposed to be clean, a black and white exchange where you showed up and he paid you. At any point, you could step on the brakes, he could step on the brakes—something you had once found relief in, but was now a source of insecurity, not that you would ever tell him that. He didn’t need to know about your life, what you wanted to do after school, who your friends were, your shaky relationship with your parents, the reasons why someone like you wanted to enter this relationship.

But he asked about those things because rules seemed to either not exist to him, or they just weren’t meaningful. And you hadn’t felt pressured to answer or anything, if that was the case, you would have just lied. The fact of the matter was that eventually you told him these things because you didn’t mind him knowing about your life.

He was not supposed to be kind or smart or interesting. He was not supposed to be a good guy. Clearly, he didn’t get the memo. There should be an official organization that lets men know you can’t just be perfect and spoil someone if you look anything like Andrew Barber.

It was the middle of April in Massachusetts and that meant it was still just a little too chilly for the slinky slip Andy had picked out for you, but that was what all the champagne was for. You were buzzing and it wasn’t just that you were getting drunk. Summer was approaching and he often spoke about all of the things he wanted to do with you now that you had more free time and he gave you these looks and you could just get lost in his eyes and plans even though you knew better.

You had been doing this long enough that people had finally stopped staring. The first few times Andy brought you, they were blatant and downright rude, but it wasn’t like you could do anything about it. Despite the disproportionate wealth shared amongst this group, it wasn’t too often that someone brought along a much younger woman that they were undoubtedly paying. Most of these men were married and either brought their wives along or tales of their affairs.

The rich people here treated this like an elite group, so when people like you were around, not everyone was welcoming. The other few women that had similar situations to yours were kind enough and tried to get to know you better—shared experiences create great friendships, right? Andy didn’t think so, he discouraged any type of communication and claimed that it was because they didn’t tend to stick around long. You theorized he just didn’t want you spending time with anyone that wasn’t him.

The woman across from Andy, Francesca, had been around for as long as you could remember. She had long, dark brown hair, flawless eyebrows, a great jawline, and an even greater ass. She was a few years older than him and several older than you.

You often pondered just how much more interesting than you she was. See, she had never hidden that she was attracted to him, but Andy seemed oblivious. You couldn’t tell if he actually was or was just pretending not to notice. You told yourself it was deeper than just the age, that there was another, much different reason that he wasn’t interested in her.

But, of course, you couldn’t ask. You couldn’t talk to him about other women because that was teetering on the edge of possessiveness and jealousy. Those were two of the few luxuries that you would be denied. Romance would not be found here, just a lot of mutual lust and understanding.

She laughed at something he said, pulling you back into the moment. As you sipped on your champagne, you returned to your favorite activity at these parties: people watching. You were starting to pick up on some of the drama and whatever blanks were left at the end of the nights, Andy usually filled them for you.

There were certain types of men that always bred the most scandalous scenarios. Those are the same few men that had only just recently stopped trying to buy you away from Andy by offering you more money than he was paying you. Yes, technically, that was what you were here for, but Andy was not like these men.

For starters, most everyone in attendance was a lawyer. They followed the model of: the worse the job was, the better the pay. Unlike them, Andy didn’t represent sleazy, rich rapists or murderers. That was just the start of the differences. He didn’t get so drunk that he caused a scene at these parties, he didn’t touch drugs, and he wasn’t going through some tragic midlife crisis that he was trying to placate with cars or women.

When you looked back at the pair, Andy was texting and Francesca was eyeing your hand around the glass were sipping from. She was looking at your rings—oh, your rings. You loved your rings.

Originally, you’d thought you weren’t going to ask for or accept anything stupid. You just needed your bills paid, your rent, your car. You wanted to be able to eat more than once a day. Andy quickly realized that you wouldn’t ask, if he wanted you to have something, he was just going to have to give it to you.

(On your very first date, he’d given you a diamond bracelet. You had been stunned, maybe even a little uncomfortable. It was hard to accept such expensive items from strangers. However, you did like it and wore it almost every day even though it made no sense with most of your outfits. You’d simply grown fond of it because it had come from him.)

(On the fourth date, he gave you a three-strand diamond necklace that strongly resembled a collar. You adored it, not the way you adored your rings, but it still gave you butterflies whenever he would clasp it around your neck and then kiss the skin directly under it. These were things that he’d called gifts, but you recognized them for what they actually were, signs of ownership.)

The first ring had been a reward. You’d made it through midterms, so he took you to the jewelry shop that’s on the way back to your apartment from his house. After three hours and a lot of wine—you’d needed to be drunk the first few times you knew he was spending money on you—you left with the tiara ring for your pinky finger. It was a loud piece of intricate curls on top of and underneath a row of tiny hearts. This ring was the most special, the first, you rarely ever took it off—only for school.

The second had been an apology. He’d convinced you to spend the night at his house even though he knew you really didn’t want to. He had kissed your neck and your face and had two of his fingers inside you, he had whispered all the things he still wanted to do to you that night. Around two in the morning, you’d gone to get water from the kitchen. You were in a pair of panties and one of Andy’s shirts that you didn’t bother to button up. That was how you were dressed when you met his son for the first time. Two days later, you had the butterfly ring in its spot at the base of your index finger. It was gaudy and expensive but did little to quell your anger and humiliation. You loved it, nonetheless.

The third had been an anniversary present. This relationship had reached its 100-day mark, he took you to his favorite restaurant, the same one he had taken you to for your first date. Which wasn’t romantic at all, there were a lot of terms being discussed. This time had been much different. He asked you for your hand and slipped the ring onto your third finger without a word, he merely eyed the only empty finger with the unstated promise that that finger would soon have one as well. It was this huge oval cut diamond that covered the width of your finger, atop two bands of smaller but still fairly large identically cut diamonds.

A little less than three weeks after that, it had been…well, you still weren’t quite sure what the fourth ring was. It wasn’t often that Andy didn’t drive you. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, you had only one class so he would drop you off and pick you up during his lunch break so you could get coffee together. On Wednesdays and Fridays, you had more than one class so he would drop you off and he would pick you up when he got off work.

One Wednesday morning, your first class had been canceled so you ended up driving yourself. Andy took Wednesdays and Fridays as his early days off because he didn’t want you waiting in the library too long after your final class let out, so those had become the simple nights when he would come over to your apartment even though he really didn’t like it there—you figured he was struggling with the urge to buy you a much bigger apartment, one that would probably coincidentally be closer to his house as well.

You had made the plan to cook dinner that night so before heading home, you drove to the grocery store… Fortunately, no one was hurt. Unfortunately, at your place just in front of the stoplight, a car in the turn lane drove right into your car. Honestly, it wasn’t a big deal considering your life of absolute privilege and you just wanted to get the whole thing over with.

Andy wasn’t quite as level-headed. The other driver was a middle-aged man so Andy felt no reluctance in throwing a fit. You had been torn between being humiliated that he was fussing so much over you, flattered that he cared, angry that he was treating you like you were a fragile vase, or maybe just a little turned on because he was so angry.

That night, instead of your place, he took you to his house and spoiled the hell out of you. He undressed you and kissed you everywhere, he bundled you up in one of his sweaters and a throw blanket, sat you down on the bed, and made you hot chocolate. You were not allowed to lift a single finger. That was the first night you spent at his house, and since Jacob wasn’t there, Andy didn’t hesitate to fuck you for hours and make you scream as loudly as he wanted you to.

The next morning, when you woke up, the black velvet box was set on the pillow between you and him. He was propped up on the headboard with his laptop and the clock on his bedside table was saying that it was well past noon. Clearly, he decided to stay home from work and if there wasn’t jewelry in front of you, you would have given him a lecture.

It was a princess cut diamond—which he would later explain with ‘you are my princess’—with a double halo and a diamond-encrusted band. It was smaller than all the rest but somehow just went perfectly.

You weren’t bragging, at least not in a petty way. It was just that any time you noticed someone staring at your hand, you couldn’t help but try to draw more attention to it, or the other jewelry Andy showered you in.

You supposed that maybe that meant something, maybe during your little back and forth a few hours prior when he had accused you of being spoiled, he was onto something. Regardless, the only person who could be blamed for that was him.

You almost got lost in the diamonds on your hand when Andy reached out to you, pulling some hair over your shoulder. You looked up at him, he was smiling softly. “I’m sorry, did you say something?”

“Are you ready to go?”

He really didn’t like these parties; he was always the one that wanted to leave and would slyly place the blame on you. You were tired, you weren’t feeling well, you had a tough week and you just wanted to go home. You never minded because it wasn’t as if you got anything out of these parties either, and if that was the easiest way to pull him out of there, so be it. It was Sunday anyway, he had to work tomorrow and you had to go over your weekly schedule with him before the night was over.

“Sure.”

It started as a quiet drive, just like it always did, but then he placed his hand on your thigh. You glanced at him, arching an eyebrow. He simply smirked and kept his gaze on the road. You opened your legs wide, guiding two of his fingers inside you. “Can you feel your cum in me?”

“Not enough.”

“You’re the one that made me stand for almost an hour.”

“I’ll fill you up again before you go to class tomorrow.”

You snorted. “Lucky me.”

He shot you a look. “Oh, you don’t like it?”

“Never said that.”

“Well, if you don’t, I don’t need to—”

“I was kidding,” you whined.

He gave you a look, pretending he was unconvinced. “You’ve had an attitude all night.”

“You spanked me,” you reminded. The memory, the sore feeling on your ass whenever you sat down, had kept you wet all night. “Hard.”

“You talked back.”

You had because you wanted him to spank you. The first time he had, it was quite the discovery. It was after a drink, after you were feeling a little daring. He told you no, and you really hated when he did that. You couldn’t even remember what you had said, but it was bad, it was enough to get your skirt torn down, you bent over his knee, and well, the rest was a blissful blur.

This time it was because he was in a mood. You were getting dressed and he was watching you and that always meant something. You weren’t sure what exactly, but there were a few things you picked up on with Andy. When he wanted to be in control, he didn’t necessarily just want you to submit completely. When he gave you a look, you knew that he wanted you to fight just a bit. So, he told you to wear a specific dress and you refused initially. Cue the spanking. After your whole body felt hot and flushed and your legs were shaking and your cunt was dripping, you obliged, and he was so damn smug about it.

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, because my fingers are inside you and you want me to make you come.”

“Well…yes.”

He laughed and you couldn’t help but smile. You loved the sound of it. Andy so rarely laughed but you took it to mean that he felt comfortable enough around you. “If you can be patient, I’ll fuck you when we get home.”

Home. His home. Whatever. “And if I can’t?”

“Then you’re going to have to wait until the morning and I might not feel like letting you come. Deal?”

You nodded. “Deal.”

But he didn’t play fair. He drove slower than usual, fingers still buried inside you, and he moved them. A lot. He tried to cover it with stupid things, like driving over a pothole or making a sharp turn. If you moved your hips once, just barely, you lost. So, you sat there, completely still, gripping the seat like it was a lifeline.

Upstairs, you waited for him to make the rounds. Jacob wasn’t there, thankfully, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t been there earlier. Andy went around every door and window and made sure they were locked.

In that time, you got undressed and waited for him. You had a couple of red marks across your ass that you could see in the mirror on the opposite end of the bedroom. He always liked seeing your skin marked up in some way if he was the reason.

When he entered the room, you were sitting on the edge of the bed. “Stand up.”

You quickly did so, turning your back to him so he could see your ass. His palms lightly felt along the marked skin there. “It doesn’t hurt.”

He rarely asked, but you found that he fucked you better when he knew for sure. You just started letting him know and it seemed he trusted you enough to voice any boundaries you had if he ever crossed them.

One hand slowly trailed up your spine and slid across to your shoulder. He pressed you down quickly and you caught yourself on the mattress with both hands. You could hardly stay still as you heard his belt and zipper.

He easily pushed into you, body flush against yours. He let you adjust around him, staying perfectly still as he leaned over you and kissed your back, neck, and shoulders. Andy didn’t move until you angled your hips and pressed back a little more, whimpering nonsense.

This was so unlike the two times earlier. In the closet, after he spanked you, he sat you on top of his lap and made you ride him. At the party, in the bathroom, he stood you in front of the mirror and gently fucked you until he had filled you with his cum. This was fast, rough, and maybe a little detached if you really thought about it.

Andy took your waist in both hands and held you in place as he pounded into you relentlessly. Slapping skin, your soaking wet pussy, the bed banging against the wall on his particularly hard thrusts, these had become noises you were more than used to, noises you had grown to crave. Being with Andy was never supposed to be like this, but you didn’t have a single complaint.

You buried your face in the blankets, hands clutching tight at the sheets around you as your muffled screams filled the room. You knew he was close when his hands began to wander. One carded through your hair and pressed you down more, the other moved under you to reach your clit.

“You were such a good girl in the car.”

Your response was unintelligible, but yes. You had been more than just good. You had waited for him even though he was being a tease, and now, you wanted what he owed you. Which he didn’t deny you, not for a second.

He made you come. Once. Twice. Maybe three times. But after that, it was all just nonsense, satisfying, endless nonsense. He was still holding you by the hair, but he’d turned your head so you could breathe, and he was still circling his fingers around your clit.

Your back arched, allowing him in deeper—one of the tells of your approaching orgasm. You felt your pussy tighten around his fingers and began begging him to let you come. Even in this hazy, fucked-out state, you wanted to please him, you wanted his praise and approval.

He gave you permission like he always did and fully intended to fuck you through it. He only paused because he felt you spilling down his thighs, felt the wet sheets against his skin, heard light drops on the hardwood floor. Fuck.

He pulled you against him immediately, your sweat-slicked back to his chest. One arm draped across your chest, the opposite hand wrapped around your neck. You were watching him, eyes clear with curiosity. “You just squirted, princess.”

You blinked and attempted to voice your confusion. Problem was, his hips were still moving. You had no time to recover and there was no chance your brain had at making sense of anything in that moment.

“It was fucking hot and you’re going to do it again.”

Needless to say, you skipped classes the next day.

Andy liked to celebrate the monthly anniversaries.

He was big on creating traditions, you assumed that was just that part of him that had been hardwired to crave a normal family. He hadn’t told you much about his life and you didn’t want to pry—his dad wasn’t around and his mom had been but she died when he was pretty young. He shared this only after he asked about your parents.

The most personal he had ever gotten with you was one night when he had intended to take advantage of your drunk and thoroughly fucked state, obviously convinced that you wouldn’t remember the question in the morning. Do you believe in love?

It was weird given the setting and that you and Andy simply didn’t talk like that. It was dangerous because this could never be more than it was. You were both only allowed feelings of lust, maybe even obsession, but nothing of the usual sense. And Andy was so strict and controlled, you were surprised he would cross any sort of line.

You tried to play it off, tried to tell him that you had more important things to worry about. He didn’t like that response. He pressed because he was just like that, his career was all about pressing and sometimes, he brought it home. You ended up telling him that you viewed marriage as a waste of time. Your parents divorced, all your aunts and uncles, even the younger friends who got married out of high school were on the fast track to messy court dates and vicious custody battles. You also pointed out his situation. If someone as perfect as him couldn’t stay married, no one could.

It was then that he told you the happiest moments of his life were carving pumpkins or decorating the Christmas tree with Jacob. He had loved Valentine’s Day with Laurie, he was the one that had always insisted on doing something. He even looked forward to the smaller holidays, Independence Day, Memorial Day, any day that got Jacob out of school and him an extra day off so they could have a cookout in the backyard.

It wasn’t his intent, but it had sort of created a barrier between you two. You wished he still had his family even if that meant never meeting him. He was that kind of man, a good man, and you could tell that it weighed on him every day that he no longer had his perfect family.

He’d never pictured his life like this, a failed marriage, a child separated between his parents. He never would have entertained the idea of needing someone like you. He didn’t say that last part, but you knew. Sometimes, it was just in the way he looked at you. You feared he would grow to resent you one day, but you always tried to push that thought far away.

Regardless, the distance was there and he realized it even if he didn’t say it. There was also the matter that school had just let out meaning you had zero excuses for saying no to him when he proposed the trip to New York that would coincide with the 7-month mark of your relationship.

You’d never been and you’d always wanted to see Moulin Rouge on Broadway. He’d decided to drive to New York because you had once made the mistake of telling him you hated airports. It was a short road trip, one you weren’t entirely unwelcoming of. Especially not when he kept his hand on your thigh most of the time. It was late when you made it to the hotel and surprisingly, he had no issues with you diving straight into bed.

The morning was quite different. The hotel window had a perfect view of the city and he felt inclined to fuck you against it as soon as you both woke up. Then, he wanted to take you shopping. For nearly two entire days, he spoiled the hell out of you. Anywhere you wanted to go, he would take you. Anything you glanced at, he wanted to buy it for you.

On the night of the show, he finally took you to Victoria’s Secret. You’d seen pictures of it before, but you had not anticipated how beautiful it would look in person. You went crazy, you took him to the fitting room and tortured him on every single floor with both clothing and lingerie. Several hours had been devoted to teasing him and he let you know that after the show, you would regret your decisions.

Before you managed to get him back to the hotel so you could get ready, he needed to spend another awful amount of money on you. There was a jewelry shop just down the street from Victoria’s Secret and he couldn’t let you leave the state—as he claimed when he saw you frown—without at least one diamond.

You wanted nothing, but you knew the chances of him allowing that were nonexistent. So, you told yourself to keep it small, but one thing that had become a harsh reality since you met Andy: you were a sad, pathetic victim to larger, shinier diamonds. You immediately fell in love with a short string of sizable heart-shaped diamonds, the one larger heart dangling in the center is what had caught your eye.

Regardless of this terrible habit you had developed—this feeling that you craved, the pure joy that you got from people knowing that Andy was buying you diamonds—you tried to protest when he caught you staring. You just wanted a bracelet, really. He rarely ever gave you bracelets.

Instead, he sent you off to get coffee. You knew exactly why that was. He often got rid of you when he was about to make decisions that he knew would make you feel bad. You wanted to refuse, but what was better? Blissful ignorance or sitting there just watching him toss out the money for that necklace?

Learning what Andy liked at Starbucks had been a process. He didn’t like his coffee sweet so that eliminated 90% of the menu. His home coffee was some brand you’d never even heard of, the shops he went to were all nearly older than him. He liked cappuccinos with extra espresso, but he preferred the straightforward coffee he would get anywhere else, so he claimed. However, you knew he liked pumpkin spice lattes. You planned to prove it the day they released them for the year.

When he came out, the bag in his hand was much larger than one that would be used for just a necklace. He smiled at the horrified look you shot him and claimed that he was given a great deal for the entire set.

While you were getting ready for the show, you realized that this was the most normal you had felt with Andy in a while. There had been tension that neither of you wanted to address, but this trip was making you realize just how stupid that tension was. One day, this was going to end. It was impractical to think an arrangement like this was going to have a long shelf-life.

Shouldn’t you just enjoy it? Being here with him was fun. You liked the city and all the noise and bustle. You also liked being with him away from home and the lives you two had created long before you met one another. This was just you two, isolated together. Normally, you couldn’t ask that of him. He had his job and he was a father and you understood that completely, but you liked this.

During the show, Andy whispered to you several times. He couldn’t wait to be fucking you. He couldn’t wait to taste you. He couldn’t wait to hear you scream and cry and beg. He placed your hand over his lap just so you could feel how hard he was.

Back at the hotel, and maybe it was because of all that he had said, you didn’t want to tease. Almost immediately, you stripped completely naked—fuck all of that expensive lingerie, apparently.

He finally gave you your diamonds. He started with the necklace and you couldn’t even be upset. It fit you so well, you loved seeing it against your skin, you loved seeing how he looked at you while you were wearing it. Then, he gave you the matching bracelet. You had said you wanted a bracelet, right? You couldn’t complain. The earrings, you told yourself, were fine because you didn’t have a pair of diamond earrings yet.

You felt weighed down by these diamonds but not in a bad way. You felt tied to him, owned like you were one of his prized possessions. It was temporary, you reasoned, so was there any real harm in that? He watched you climb off the bed he had ordered you on mere minutes ago, arching an eyebrow as you lowered to your knees before him.

Andy rarely had the patience to let you go down on him, despite loving the feeling. Mostly, his main source of pleasure came from the things he could make you feel. He also couldn’t understand what you got out of letting him fuck your mouth. You weren’t much of a fan before Andy, you could admit since you had a total of zero pleasant experiences, but you felt that this was your only way of spoiling him.

It was nonnegotiable tonight, you would throw a fit if needed. You looked up at him for a moment, almost asking for permission. But not quite, maybe more for compliance. His promise was made by unzipping his pants for you and then letting his hands fall to his sides.

You took him out of his pants and opened your mouth. Staring up at him again, you took as much of him as you could. He was fine until he felt you gag, then his jaw set and his hands became fists.

“Fuck,” he breathed.

Moaning around him, you slowly pulled back. One of his hands disappeared in your hair before you could get too far. He had to keep you there for a moment, attempting to calm himself down because he could tell how much you wanted this.

He brought his hand forward, touching your cheekbone. “You’re so fucking beautiful.” He slipped his fingers under your jaw and thrust his hips forward gently. He didn’t go too deep and it was at a torturous pace that he pulled out. This man’s control was one of the sexiest things about him. It made him seem so powerful and stable and that was what you craved more than anything in this world.

“Touch yourself,” he directed.

Your hand dove down, two fingers instantly burying inside your pussy. You moaned loudly around him and he cursed again.

“You want me to fuck your face?”

You nodded as well as you could.

He nodded, taking another deep breath. His hold under your face tightened just a bit, thumb and fingers pressing into your jaw. He didn’t thrust, instead, he moved you with his hand. Each time he brought you down on him, he made sure to choke you a little because he knew you liked it.

By the time he was close, your jaw was sore, made worse by his tight hold, your ribs hurt from how hard you had been gagging, the back of your throat was testament that he had lost it a couple of times, and went a bit harder than he meant to. Your entire hand was wet, your thighs shaking and your hips still rolling.

He told you to come with him, told you he wasn’t going to until you did. You pressed the heel of your palm down on your clit and fucked your hand harder. Andy brought you down as far as your throat would allow and held you there, moaning as you attempted to swallow around him.

His hand slid down to your neck and he began to squeeze when he knew you were close, hips moving fast and sloppy. You placed one hand on his thigh to keep yourself balanced, turning your gaze up to him once more.

You felt him start to spill down your throat. He moved harder, hips jerking and cock slamming into the back of your throat each time. The cum that was in your mouth was now beginning to slip out from the sides of your lips.

He pulled out before he was done, one hand in your hair to angle your head back, his other hand stroking his cock as his cum leaked out along your jaw and neck. “God damn, you are fucking gorgeous.”

You stared at him as the tip of your tongue came out to the corner of your mouth where you felt some of his cum.

Immediately, he pulled you onto your feet and shoved you back onto the bed. He was on top of you instantly, using his fingers to collect his cum off your skin so he could feed it to you. As you laid there, licking his fingers, he brought his opposite hand down to your pussy.

“I love feeling your cunt after you’ve just finished.” He teased you several times, just dipping the tips of his fingers in before he pushed two inside you.

You whimpered, lips closed around his fingers. Once he pulled them out, your mouth was free to speak, which was rarely ever a good thing when you two were in bed. “Well, are you going to get inside me, or did you need a minute?”

He arched an eyebrow—it didn’t bother him when you joked about his age, but he pretended it was grounds for true punishment. “Maybe I need several minutes, I guess I just have to keep you coming until then, huh?”

You hummed in protest.

He brought his hand up to grab your jaw, wet fingers pressing tightly into your skin. His lips hovered over yours as he asked, “You’re such a fucking brat, you know that?”

You smiled. “Yes.”

He scoffed. “You’re shameless. I don’t know how you got this bad.”

But he did know, and he would do whatever he possibly could to ensure that you would just get worse. Andy’s success was measured by your bratty episodes. It showed how comfortable you had become with him but also just how much you wanted him.

For the record, you weren’t accusing Andy of being some evil mastermind who had planned this whole…ordeal. That would be insane because it would imply a lot of things that you knew were simply not true about him. He wasn’t a bad person, he was actually one of the best that you had ever met.

But…he was a lawyer. He had picked up some bad habits that came along with that. That meant, that though he didn’t plan this, he was enjoying it thoroughly. In short, you were accusing him of being an opportunist.

The first time you met Andy, he had brought Jacob to that hellhole of a restaurant you used to work at. So, technically Jacob knew you, but he was on his phone the entire time and they were low-maintenance customers, so he’d maybe seen you for a total of 5 minutes over their 2-hour stay. Andy did come back and bring Jacob several times, but it was always the same. He never paid you any mind, and why would he?

So, when you “met” him, half-naked and covered in bruises and bites—something that still made you glare at Andy if you thought about it too much—Jacob already knew you. He just didn’t know you. And after that one encounter, you couldn’t imagine what he thought of you.

This made you realize just how worried you were about how temporary you knew you were. Andy hadn’t said anything so you wondered if Jacob just didn’t tell Laurie. You wondered if she would even care if he had told her. Maybe Andy did this all the time, maybe she just couldn’t be bothered because they weren’t married anymore. You had no idea because Andy rarely spoke to you about Jacob and never spoke about Laurie.

Your grand solution was just trying to avoid Jacob at all costs. Mostly, you were successful, and Andy didn’t seem to mind, per se, but he did not encourage it. He loved his son and he didn’t want part of his life to be completely unknown to Jacob, but you kind of did.

It was one terrible morning when you were a bit hungover from the night before and Andy was making breakfast. He’d just set down a plate of pancakes in front of you, kissed you on top of the head because you were letting him baby you, when Jacob came in, so you didn’t even have an excuse to leave. It would be pathetically clear what you were doing. Were you seriously scared of a 17-year-old boy?

Yes. But you could pretend you weren’t, and you would pretend. There was no other choice. It wasn’t until you were all sitting down for the world’s most awkward breakfast that Andy’s phone rang. He often got calls in the morning and you never minded. Until then.

You shot him a threatening look that he clearly didn’t take seriously. He excused himself and with each step further away, your desire to suddenly die increased.

There was more painfully awkward silence and you wracked your brain for ways to fix it. You could ask him about school, his plans for the day. But that was the easy part. How were you going to word the question casually, unforced? You didn’t have to think on that much longer because he decided to speak first.

“Is my dad your, like, sugar daddy?”

And before you were subjected to having to respond, his friends showed up. Which was great because you couldn’t have formed a response if your life depended on it. But that shock had well worn off by the time Andy returned. He was throwing out apologies and explaining that he was being given an update on one of his cases. He seemed unaware of your silence until he realized Jacob was gone.

“Where’s Jake?”

“He left with his friends.”

“Oh.” He sat down at the table and you glared. “Come on, I didn’t know he was going to be here—”

“He just asked me if you’re my sugar daddy!”

“Well, I am.”

“You are not.”

He lifted his eyebrows. “Then what am I? I pay your bills, I buy you things, in return, you spend most of your free time with me. What does that make me?”

You were mad but not about the idea that he was your sugar daddy. Of course, you’d played with that phrase a few times, but it seemed so unrepresentative of your relationship. At least, to you. He clearly saw it that way, and maybe you weren’t even mad about that.

You might not have been mad at all, maybe just scared. You knew that Andy was in love with his ex-wife still and he always would be. She was this terrifying person that you’d never met that essentially held the cards to your life. You figured that if she expressed any anger towards Andy’s relationship with you, that you would be gone. You would have to go back to your life before, like when the carriage was a pumpkin. And the scariest part of that was not that you had no money. It was that you two would just be done as if you never even happened at all.

“Your boyfriend?” he pressed.

You rolled your eyes. “Whatever.”

“Don’t roll your eyes at me,” he warned.

“I’m going home.”

“No, you’re not.”

Once more, you rolled your eyes. You pushed away from the table and stormed out of the kitchen and to his bedroom.

He came in moments later after you had thrown his shirt on the bed. You were in nothing more than a pair of panties as you searched for where he’d tossed your clothes the night before. He shut the door and locked it, but you refused to respond to his tactics to make you talk.

“Get on the bed.”

You scoffed incredulously, turning over your shoulder to him with raised eyebrows. “Yeah, that’s not happening.”

His hand wrapped around one of your arms and he spun you back to him. You set your hands on his chest to push him away, but he pulled you in so tight that you couldn’t move. He kissed you like it had been years since he last did so, in reality, it had been a little over an hour. It was demanding and fast, he left you no room to protest, but it wasn’t like that mattered because with each passing second, you were giving in.

His free hand slid down between your legs and you broke the kiss to moan. Your head fell back, your body pressed closer to him. It wasn’t a surrender exactly, just a promise that you would get over it and never bring it up again.

But then he said, “Call me daddy.”

You froze, turning your head back to him. “What?”

“Call me daddy,” he repeated. “You want to come? Tell daddy how to make you come.”

It was just a matter of time before it was brought up. Unbeknownst to him, it was on your mind. Unbeknownst to you, it was on his. He hadn’t been the kind for it, then he met you. There was something primal inside him that was triggered when you would whimper and whine, when you were choking on his cock and staring up at him with your beautiful eyes, when you were crying his name. And sometimes, it didn’t completely sound unlike daddy. When you were breathless and fucked good, and nearly mindless. Sometimes, it was close enough that it made him wonder what it would be like.

And you’d been curious too. Ever since he spanked you the first time. You saw Andy as this powerful, good man. He was perfect and didn’t even know it. But all of that was what everyone could see. There were these dark parts of him that made you wet just thinking about. You would never tell him, but once, just one time, he was busy and couldn’t see you one weekend. Meaning you had to take care of yourself. Your dreams were vivid and filthy, and you might have called him daddy in one…so, yeah.

“I’m not going to touch you if you can’t follow orders, princess.”

It took you a moment to find your voice, especially with the way he was looking down at you. “I…don’t know…” It felt weird, like you were admitting this terrible secret. You were aware he had asked you to, but it still felt wrong. Kind of.

“Well,” his fingers slid over you again, a teasing touch that was too light for any real relief, “do you want daddy’s fingers?”

You nodded.

“What about daddy’s cock?”

“Yes.”

“Or maybe daddy’s mouth?” He kissed your forehead first, then your cheek, and finally all over your neck. “Hmm?”

“Yeah, that’s what I want.”

“You know what I want,” he pointed out, pulling back to look at you. “Tell me what you want first.”

He was not letting you out of this and did you actually want him to? Andy was a complete daddy. He spoiled the hell out of, almost literally got off on taking care of you, and he was a kind, beautiful man who had no problems fucking you like he hated you.

“Will you eat my pussy, Daddy?”

Wordlessly, he sat you down on the bed and pushed you onto your back by your shoulders. His eyes on yours, he took you with his mouth over your panties and any doubts you had about this just faded away.

Your breath was shaking as he held you down, his hands gripping your arms tight. You draped your legs over his shoulders and pulled him closer. He pressed his tongue flat against you each time he licked up your aching cunt. “Oh, god,” you blurted out when you felt him at your clit.

He turned his head, nipping at your thigh. It was a prompt.

“Daddy,” you breathed, and he returned his mouth to you. “Daddy, please.”

He hummed. What are you asking for?

“Please, take them off,” you begged.

His fingers slipped under the band of your underwear and he tore them into pieces, without any skill whatsoever, as his tongue sought out bare skin. You’d heard several tears by the time his tongue was inside you.

You arched your back and grabbed a hold of his hair with both hands. He almost instantly took your hands and held them down to the bed again. “Daddy, don’t stop. Please don’t stop. Please make me come.”

He pulled your clit between his lips and you knew that you weren’t going to last much longer. You knew this was your biggest loss so far. He was never going to let you forget that you’d come up here throwing a fit, trying to push him away, only to beg him to eat you out.

Your hips rolled against his face, he seemed surprised for a moment, but he moaned against you, so you kept doing it. “Can I come, Daddy? Please?”

He hummed again, a confirmation.

When you moved instead of waiting for him, you could feel his beard. That was the only reason you kept canting your hips up to meet the swipes of his tongue that were toeing the line of being too good.

He let his tongue drop down to tease your entrance, earning a frustrated whine from you. Your clit wasn’t neglected for long, you felt the tip of his nose hovering just right there. So, if you were to move, if you bucked your hips just right, you discovered quickly just how to get the right kind of pressure there.

Andy loved every second of it, he loved the smell of you and the taste of you, and he knew he was never going to be a better position to indulge in both. You were wild even though he was pinning you down, you were hardly ever this desperate, this upfront with your desire. It was the sexiest thing he ever witnessed.

You finished on his tongue and he let no drop of you go to waste. He was selfish in the way he ran his mouth along the oversensitive parts of you. Before reality had even made its way back to you, he’d placed you on your knees before him. Your body was moving without your brain, like pure instinct. Your mouth opened for him before you even knew you were on the floor and you took him in as deep as you could.

He took a handful of your hair and held you in place, hips slowly, gently moving back and forth. You were gagging around him but he was letting you get used to it, telling you that you were such a good girl, reminding you how well you knew how to suck his cock, how you’d always been so good at it.

He didn’t want to come in your mouth, he just wanted to get close. He threw you down on the bed just as soon as he’d gotten you back on your feet and then he was on top of you. His hand wrapped around your neck as he slotted his hips between your thighs.

His eyes locked on yours, he slowly sunk into you. It was damn near painful the kind of restraint he was using, how he was denying you that fast kind of fucking he knew you loved. He pulled back, using his knees for balance, and kept his hold on your throat.

His thrusts were too gentle, several agonizing times, until you were squirming and whimpering. He didn’t seem concerned with what you wanted then, he merely kept his eyes moving over your body.

“Andy,” you complained.

He tsked. “Baby girl.”

“Daddy,” you corrected instantly. “Daddy, please. I need you to fuck me.”

Instead, he leaned back down and kissed you. He started at your mouth and then moved to your jaw. His hips barely moved, just enough to keep you on this edge of murderous rage. Seriously? After what you just went through? He wasn’t going to fuck you to make it up to you?

He sat back again and tightened his hand when you opened your mouth. It was the nicest way he was ever going to tell you to shut up, but he was telling you to. You were too scared to show any signs of disobedience at this point.

He pulled out and you whined unintelligibly. You received nothing more than a brief ‘hush’ before he was laying down next to you. He was on his side, propping one of your legs over his hip as he slid back into you. He lifted you up so you could lay your head on his bicep and used that arm to grab your opposite thigh, pulling it out to the side so you were completely open for him.

“Daddy,” you mewled. You couldn’t keep doing this, you needed to come. You needed him to make you come. He dragged his cock out and then shoved back in, earning a strangled yelp from you. You brought both hands up to hold the forearm that was still pressed between your breasts.

It was then that he started this horrible pattern of fucking you hard, hard, until you were just about to come. You would be shaking, begging like you never had before, promising you would never talk back to him again, and then he would just stop.

He never denied your orgasm. If anything, he just threatened to, didn’t follow through, then made weak threats that he would next time. It was a nice routine and you weren’t sure why he wanted to ruin it.

He told you to leave your thigh where it was and then brought that hand up. He started at your mouth, he ordered you to close your lips around his fingers. He was choking you still and now gagging you and you were abruptly lightheaded. He’d never given you a safe word, you were sure he never intended to go too far. The idea that he might, though… Ugh.

He pulled his fingers from your mouth and they were soaking wet because he didn’t give you the chance to swallow. He dragged them down your body, stopping to pinch one of your nipples painfully until you gasped, and then down to your pussy.

Tears filled your eyes immediately as he pressed his fingers down on your clit. He kissed the side of your face several times before stating, “I can’t keep giving you what you want if you’re going to be such a brat, baby.”

“I’m not being a brat,” you protested.

“You’re not?”

“No.”

“Okay,” he scoffed. His fingers began to rub circles into you.

You shot him a desperate look. “Daddy, please I need you to make me come.”

He arched an eyebrow, hips still but hand moving. “Oh, you need me to?”

“No one else makes me come like you do.” It was clear that you were just saying anything you could think to make him give in. True? Yes. But were the words sincere? Not at all, and you didn’t want him to know that. Yes, you liked spending time with Andy, you even loved fucking him, but this was not a relationship. It was an arrangement first and you had to protect yourself.

He rolled his eyes at you. “Transparent.”

You let your head fall back into the pillow with an exaggerated sigh. “Please?”

“No.”

You looked at him instantly, eyebrows pulling together. “What?”

“No,” he repeated slowly.

He’d never just told you no. Maybe in a roundabout way, he’d talked his way through the fact of no, but never once had he just out and said it. You had no idea how to reply. After all, he was in charge here. If he said no, did you have to accept it?

He brought his fingers down to where your bodies were connected and pulled out completely. He dipped his fingers into you at the same time he was easing his cock back in.

You bit down on your lip, willing yourself to relax. He was always a tight fit, even without the addition of two of his thick fingers, even on those weeks when he fucked you every day, numerous times a day.

“You’re okay,” he promised. “You can take it.”

You tried spreading your legs even more, hoping that would make him easier to take.

“Good girl.” He pulled his cock and fingers out briefly before working them both back in simultaneously. “How’s it feel, baby?”

“It hurts a little.”

“But you can take it, can’t you?” He kissed along your cheekbone. “You want it, right? Because you’re my good girl.”

You were nodding before you even truly thought about it. You wanted anything he wanted to give you, in reality. You supposed this was not the exception to that rule.

He continued pulling out and teasing back in, going just a little deeper each time.

Your cunt was aching by the time you propped yourself up on your elbows to see. The sight of him inside you was sinful and delicious.

He felt you flutter around him and kissed the side of your face again. “You like when I stretch you out, baby?”

You nodded. That was exactly how you felt. Stretched. It still hurt but not in any kind of way that you didn’t like. Your cheeks were flushed since he’d been denying you a finish, otherwise, you would be blushing terribly. It was a toe-in-the-water of humiliation, you felt a little objectified, or reduced to a single body part. Again, not something you were opposed to because your mind was fucked up enough that your body would respond ecstatically to anything Andy wanted to do to it.

“Do you want another one?”

You weren’t sure, but that didn’t stop you from claiming you did. You watched the tip of his third finger collect the slick on the base of his cock and slide into you. He began pulling out and gently pushing both fingers and cock back in until he was buried several inches and two knuckles into your pussy.

“You are soaked, baby.”

Part of you hated that. How bratty could you be from here on out if you were this wet for him? If your cunt was literally begging him for more of his fingers? That was the pride part of you. The sick part of you stopped to think about how he had 7 more fingers to fuck you with, if he wanted. “Can I have another?”

He smirked. “I think 3 is enough tonight, princess. I don’t want to hurt you too much.”

“I want all your fingers inside me, daddy.”

He scoffed. “Not sure that’s possible, you’re still so tight. But I do have a little more I can give you.” As he pressed more of his fingers in, beyond that second knuckle which made you gasp and squirm because it burned, he also gave you more of his cock.

You were shaking, hand settling on his forearm once more. “Oh, daddy…I feel so full.”

“And your desperate cunt still wants more?”

“Anything from you, daddy. Can I please come?”

He didn’t answer, his hips merely began moving. He roughly fucked into you as he pulled just so with his fingers to keep you painfully stretched.

You were getting close again. That stinging sensation was starting to fade away with the building pleasure. When he angled his hand and let his thumb massage your clit, you knew you wouldn’t last much longer. “Daddy, please.”

“You can’t come.”

You whined. “Daddy!”

“I said no.”

You pressed your hand to his stomach to still his hips, but he paid you no mind. “Daddy, I’m going to come.”

“You better not,” he warned, but didn’t do anything to help you want that. If anything, his hips snapped a bit harder.

“Please stop, daddy,” you begged, voice pathetically small and whiny. You didn’t care how you sounded or looked, you just didn’t want to come without him letting you. You didn’t want to disappoint him. “Daddy, I’m close. Please stop.”

He scoffed, free hand coming up to your face. “You’re such a good girl, you know that?”

You frantically shook your head. You weren’t so good that you wouldn’t come, so really, you needed him to stop.

“You don’t want to come without my permission?”

“No, daddy.”

He pressed his thumb down harder and rubbed faster, earning an unintelligible, sad sound from you. “It’s okay, baby girl, you can come. Daddy wants to feel you coming around his cock.”

You lifted your hand back up to his arm, trying to turn into his body as much as you could. He understood immediately and moved his hold from your neck to drape his arm across you, resting his hand on your back. You set your head in the bend of his neck as you started to come.

He groaned when he felt you get tighter. “That’s it, baby. That’s what I wanna feel.”

Tears were rolling down your cheeks by the time you were coming. Your body had never felt relief so strong. Andy shushed you through it all and told you that you were so good and didn’t stop until he had you filled with his cum.

He let you settle before urging you onto your back. “You okay, baby?”

“Yes, daddy.” You were more than just okay. You were sated and aching, you were exhausted and blissful. It had been a while since he’d spent so much time on you and you felt good, doted on, paid attention to.

He carefully pulled his fingers from your cunt, eyeing your face as he did, but then quickly took your jaw in one hand and shoved the fingers into your mouth. You instantly began sucking on them. “A few things. First, you do not roll your eyes at me. Second, you do not leave the table unless I tell you that you can. Third, do not ever walk away from me. Fourth, when I tell you to get your ass on the bed, you better get your ass on the bed. Are we clear?”

You nodded, speaking around his fingers.

“Glad to hear it.” He slowly extracted his fingers, massaging your jaw with the opposite hand. “When you can walk again, I’ll take you shopping—”

You hurriedly jumped out of bed, rushing for the shower. “I’ll be ready in an hour!”

requests to be tagged:

@onetwo3000​ @chris-evans-indian-fanfic​

[tartagliaxx]

I finally finished Inazuma Archon quest and I have so many things in my mind.

Spoiler maybe (????????)

1. I wanna slap Ei so so so so so so bad. Like, uhg, damn.

2. I think I'm in love with Yae Miko, be my mommy ma'am 🥺

3. It bruns me to the core that Childe is one of the fatui, after seeing all the things they've done and how they don't really care about human life... I feel like, uhg, out of love with him? I still like him but then my brain says "He's not too different from Scara, he tried to drown Liyue, what if he would have succeeded?" I'm having a crisis here. Childe the househusband and Childe the heartless fatui, I hope in this new event we can learn more about him but still... I feel salty.

4. I cried like a baby, Teppei, I'll miss you so much.

5. Archons are selfish, I don't trust them no matter how attractive and daddy like cofcofzhonglicofcof they can be.

Okay, I finished! In general a good story, however, the ending was kinda rushed? Hehehehe Thank you for reading, I just wanted to share this with you 💕

🤷🏻‍♀️ Anon

so uh… well… hm… i have a lot of things to say abt the inazuma archon quest and aha… majority of them are… not good </3 i wont bore u w it tho bc istg i could write a full 180 pages just ranting abt whatever the hell that was. i did share my thoughts utc abt the points u made tho

ei is… well i dont really know what to say abt her. i like her design and her playstyle but how she was written? eh… i’m not the fondest unfortunately. i cant say that she’s not endearing sometimes tho.

yes. i worship one (1) yae miko 🧎‍♀️

lol. well… as his self-proclaimed first wife, i feel like i need to defend him but literally, with what?? i made an in-depth analysis over this b4 and idk if you read it but it was in an ask and i discussed my take on househusband childe and canon childe. the way i see it, scaramouche and childe are different. they’re both evil, yes, but their ambition, reasoning and way of things make them different kinds of evil people. in my eyes, childe seems like the person who would avoid unnecessary innocent deaths but wouldn’t hesitate to cut them down for his own goal. on the other hand, i dont think scaramouche would even bother w his dubious morals. now dont get me wrong, death is death and im not justifying his murders. i’m just saying that to a degree, childe does care abt human life. after all, he values his family. i find it hard to believe that whenever he does kill, he doesnt, for a split second, see his family’s faces. it’s just that he values his own ambition over life and its not any better but i think it’s a vital point of his character. one thing i like abt childe is that he’s not pretentious and the game also does a good job of portraying him as a harbinger. childe has never tried to pretend as if he’s a misunderstood villain. no, he admits that he’s a bad person who has done bad things and the game doesnt make it anymore or less than it’s supposed to be. yes, this guy is bad. there’s no justifying that. he was introduced from the get-go as someone we should be wary of and we were. ngl tho, i dont think him succeeding in liyue would affect anything. first, his plan was never going to succeed bc zhongli was ready to fix things if the qixing proved to be incompetent and second, because childe already has red on his ledger even b4 the game started. he’s canonically ‘evil’ and ‘immoral’ in that sense. tldr, liking childe means a.) liking the complexities of his canon character and psychology, b.) liking the fans’ portrayal of childe and c.) a little of both. i think you fit in the b category in which case i feel like you should avoid letting the canon bleed into your views bc it’ll be quite stressful? difficult? to think abt. i really do think it’s easier to think of those as two different people bc the way househusband childe could become canon is very different from the househusband childe you probably have in mind.

sigh… teppei you would be missed… i hope you had more development and roles.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm ok so i have a lot to say abt this but i’ll get to the gist. ‘selfish’ would be a good term but i also feel like it’s lacking. rather than being ‘selfish’ i think they’re more ‘human.’ they’re no different to the mortals save for their ageless and powerful nature. every day, we receive stimulus that make us react differently, possibly immorally which i can assure you, none of these archons believe they were immoral. ei, for example, believed an unchanging inazuma would be the best way to safeguard her people from the pain of loss. zhongli also thought that him leaving liyue to the hands of the people is a gift and so is venti’s lack of overseeing presence in mondstadt. we cant say they’re wrong bc their principles are also fundamentally different from ours. similarly, i can’t say for sure that if i were in their shoes (which is to say i am a god who experienced years of war, faced millions of loss and did smth that was against my morals), i’ll be any less ‘selfish.’ the only reason i could react negatively rn at ei’s actions is bc i know what it means to be mortal and to waste away but in her eyes, she probably cant comprehend the human dislike for stagnancy. how could she when she’s been stagnantly herself all these thousands of years? the truth of this matters remains to be that these archons thought they were right (just like human decision in their day to day drama) and the choices they made are flawed similar to how humans would make choices that cant be agreeable for everyone. but yes. don’t trust anyone for that matter

the entire thing was rushed. wish it took a different turn but eh- i hope this was a good reply lol. i got carried away and ended up rambling abt my cluttered view of some things. hope you dont mind <33

[balenciagastones]

hi im kinda new to this can you pls explain to me why everybody hates lauryn? all i know is she wants kyle to be a dad and he isn't

here we go! putting this under the cut so i don’t flood people’s dash who don’t care <3

okay so bit of backstory first cos im gonna try and do this in chronological order, she is chloe goodman’s sister and she used to go out with marcus rashford’s brother, apart from that she was pretty much a nobody. i also dk how much you know about kyle but basically he’s been with annie for agessss and they have 3 sons together. at the start of 2020 it came out that lauryn was pregnant with a mystery england footballer’s baby and it was kept a secret who it was for ages and just said that they were in a whirlwind romance and the baby was a miracle because she has endometriosis and pos meaning she would struggle to conceive naturally. it was outed cos of pap photos that have been said were staged by her, pretty much the whole of this has been staged by her tbh but it was later announced that the baby daddy was kyle walker and all hell broke loose tbh.

all throughout her pregnancy and a bit after the baby was born she wouldn’t reveal the gender but constantly baited it and hyped it up and drew a lot of attention to the baby’s gender (a little bit of backstory to this is that annie obviously has 3 boys as we said before but she always always wanted a girl and has always been v public with that fact, she also had a miscarriage which wasn’t talked about until after the baby was born but hindsight makes this whole gender situation worse but back to the story). her sister was also pregnant at the same time as her and was public saying she was having a girl so lauryn used to post stories with girls’ baby clothes and pink things in basically to just bait she was having a girl when she knew all along it was a boy, there’s literally no reason for this apart from her wanting to spite annie and imply that she was having a girl baby with the man she loved to hurt her for no reason.

cut forward to when the baby is born and she starts to promote these bracelets which have different ones for different situations, so she has one for anxiety, one for sleep, one for fertility (you can see where this is going) and there’s a few points with these scam bracelets. first off she came out and said she was wearing one at the time she slept with kyle so this baby perhaps wasn’t so much an accident on her part as she was manifesting fertility and that she’d become pregnant basically, take from that what you will but it was clearly her intention to fall pregnant with his baby when she knew he was with another woman long term and had 3 little boys with her. and the second part to it is just what an absolute scam those bracelets are, they’re not cheap and they target vulnerable groups of people and profit off their struggles which is obviously so immoral and disgusting when a fuckin bead bracelet clearly can’t make you fertile or make you sleep better or any of this shit, it’s taking advantage of people in desperate need and taking money from vulnerable people, it’s awful.

so now the baby is born and she’s said it’s a boy but hasn’t announced the name and allegedly didn’t pick the name until he was 4 months old or something, but she decides that they need a name to call him so decide to say his name is junior. now you can immediately see the issue with this, she’s been banging on for the whole of her pregnancy that she’s a single mother and he’s not involved blah blah blah then calls him junior, which ofc people asked if the name was kyle junior and she as much as said it was and started referring to him as junior until she posted a video of the baby holding a necklace that said KW. obviously calling your baby junior implies that they have the dad’s name and are the jr version of the dad so when she posted the KW necklace alongside a caption that said ‘for those asking why it doesn’t say JW, KW are his true initials’ ofc everybody assumed his name was kyle walker junior, and she let this go on for 6 MONTHS. she wore this necklace that says KW everywhere it’s lit in all of her instagram photos, it literally came across as a trophy just shouting that she got knocked up by kyle walker and just using it as a constant reminder to anyone and everyone that her baby was half famous footballer kyle walkers regardless of whether he was involved or not, baring in mind in the same breath she’s continuing to go on about how she’s a single mother and doing it all on her own. her saying she’s doing it all on her own is a load of shit too because her family helps her constantly and she always has someone looking after him with her and she lives in a big fancy house so she’s putting across she’s struggling and a single mother out on her own but that’s not the truth.

she also kept giving questionable parenting advice out on her story and endorsing products and methods that weren’t the most effective and weren’t recommended, even a blanket method that im sure was said to be harmful and she’s promoted many products that she shouldn’t have just in the name of money and fame and clout, she isn’t qualified to be giving out parenting advice to the scale she is and i understand she’s gotten experience but she talks like she’s a professional and holds q&as giving advice she’s not qualified to give and considering she promotes half dodgy products, it’s not the best situation. two more random things before we’re caught up to what’s happened today, she put the baby in a city jersey then the next week put him in a liverpool jersey just to spite kyle LMAO and they all went on holiday to dubai and im pretty sure paparazzi isnt allowed in dubai that’s why all the celebs go there but she was papped there so she must’ve set that up too lmaoooooo. but now we’re at today.

basically it started by kyle posting a picture of his own personal football boots that he played in for the final match of the season im sure, and he had printed on the names and dates of birth of all 3 kids he had with annie, and as you can quite imagine, lauryn wasn’t very happy with this. so she went straight on her stories preaching how horrific it was that he didn’t include kairo’s name on his boots and he’s done nothing but he cute and innocent and kyle was ‘bullying’ his own son which is obvs the wrong word to use but she’s daft and has been throwing around the word bullying, and talking about how she won’t let their son be left out, baring in mind she constantly says how she’s a single mother and prides herself on that she doesn’t have him involved and that he’s a horrible person etc etc. so all of her little minions who love her started replying to her story saying he was disgusting blah blah blah and decided as a collective with her encouragement to spam his page with kairo’s name and demand justice for kairo or something so after he got a few comments he turned the comments off from the post about the boots so they went to his first post before the boots which was a memorial post for the victims of the manchester arena attack. fully grown women commenting on a memorial post for such a tragic event demanding to know where kairos name was or spamming his name letter by letter, first off it’s just batshit crazy but second off how disrespectful?? from lauryn as well to encourage it and think of nobody but herself and want the attention because realistically it wasn’t gonna achieve anything but slightly irk him that he had to turn the comments off.

she’s also been encouraging people to email puma themselves and demand to know why they did it as if they had any input on what kyle had on his personal boots, puma probably had no idea about any of this and certainly didn’t do it on purpose to cause a storm so there’s no reason for them to be complaining to puma. she posted a list of what she wanted to happen including kyles post to be removed, the boots to be pulled (i don’t think she realises they were just personal boots for kyle and not a product for the general public to buy), a public apology to kairo and a public statement to be put out, none of which would solve the greater situation or help the situation that’s already been caused.

she posted saying kyle was bullying the baby and mentally abusing him which is disgusting to be throwing around when that’s not the case at all cos in reality kyles just trying to mend his relationships with annie and his family while keeping lauryn and the baby out of it like she keeps going on about, but then when it comes down to it she uses his surname, posts about it 24/7, wants his name on his boots, uses him for clout, walks around with a KW necklace on etc etc etc. most recently she’s created a petition to get pumas attention to do all of what i listed before and i think about 600 people have signed it so far.

i think that’s all although im sure anons will chip in if ive missed anything, that’s if anybody’s actually read this far 😭 so yes, more than you bargained for probably anon! story time with han! xx

[bamfdaddio]

X-Men Abridged: 1968

The X-Men, those ever-so-slightly exhausting mutants that have sworn to protect a world that hates and fears them, are a cultural juggernaut with a long, tangled history. Want to unravel this tapestry? Then read the Abridged X-Men!

(X-Men 40 - 51) - written by Roy Thomas, Gary Friedrich and Arnold Drake. Drawn by Werner Roth, Don Heck, George Tuska and Jim Steranko

Did you know Frankenstein’s monster was an android, sent to earth by aliens as an ambassador?

My English Lit professor LIED TO ME! (X-Men 40)

Whereas last year served up a cohesive narrative by making it all about Factor Three, 1968 gives us a hodgepodge of clumsy and confusing storylines. This might be due to the different writers at the helm: last year was all about Roy Thomas, this year we’ve got three dudes pulling it in different directions.

What doesn’t change is the prose. So much purple prose.

Anyway, this year is all about THE DEATH OF PROFESSOR XAVIER and THE RETURN OF MAGNETO! (If you think this is terrific foreshadowing and not something that kills all narrative tension, boy howdy, you’ll love reading comics from this era.)

The best kind of foreshadowing drags you into an alley, punches you in the nose and steals your shoes. Fuck subtlety and proper twists. (X-Men 41)

Anyway, Xavier is acting all out of character: cranky, angry, impatient, barely using his powers for immoral purposes… He pushes the X-Men to the brink and continually sequesters himself with a troubled Jean.

Meanwhile, Bobby and Hank’s date with Zelda and Vera is interrupted… again. At this point, I just have to believe that Zelda and Vera are embroiled in some torrid lesbian relationship, while Hank and Bobby serve as their beards.ANYWAY, their date is interrupted by the Grotesk, the last remaining heir to an advanced subterranean species who have recently been slaughtered by an earthquake machine of human making. Look, how many underground societies does the Marvel Earth even have? Did these Grotesks live next to the Molemen? I…

In defense of Grotesk, spinning him around like a fucking bola is one of the top three things I´d like to do with Angel too. (X-Men 42)

The X-Men try to stop the Grotesk from sinking the Eastern seaboard into the Atlantic, and in the end, the Professor sacrifices himself to stop him, paying pays the ultimate price!

OR DOES HE

To make it even more tragic, apparently Xavier was dealing with some mysterious illness that neither human medicine nor mutant powers could cure. But before he died, he somehow transferred his powers to Jean. (Either pretend this happened or retcon it him awakening Jean’s latent telepathy.) Anyway, Chuck wanted to prepare them for the return of… Magneto. (Also Pietro and Wanda.)

Quicksilver crashes Xavier’s funeral, unsure whether he should ask the X-Men for help. He doesn’t. Meanwhile, Magneto somehow has duped some hapless time-displaced TikTokker into filming the grisly affair. (X-Men 43)

What follows is a sort of confusing crossover with the Avengers where the X-Men mostly get sidelined in favour of some drama involving the House of M. Wanda has some temporary mental damage that only Magneto can cure? Also, Pietro hates humans now, which, given the state of the world in general, I can only concur with.

Magneto captures the X-Men in customized cages, designed to be unescapable, but Angel escapes by simply pushing the right button. He flies off to get help, stumbles upon a weird and ultimately meaningless side quest and finally returns with the Avengers!

But! Magneto turns the X-Men against Earth’s Mightiest Heroes! Just kidding: the X-Men pretend to go along with Magneto’s mind games, but this was all a plot concocted by the heroes to make Magneto feel like he’s winning. Instead, the heroes attack and drive Magneto back. Toad, who finally is fed up with Magneto’s abuse, emancipates himself and defies Magneto, kicking him out of the helicopter he, Wanda and Pietro flee in. Magneto seemingly falls to his death in the water.

OR DOES HE.

First of all: why would Magneto just make a non-ferrous aircraft? Second of all: why would he then BRING IT ALONG? Big mad. (Avengers 53)

Following Xavier’s death, Foggy Nelson reads his will. The Professor bequeaths the school to the X-Men! Fred Duncan, Professor X’s FBI liaison is also there! And then! Juggernaut briefly returns from the dimension of Cyttorak, stirs up trouble and is then sucked back into the ruby of Cyttorak thanks to a Professor Ex Machina from the grave. This somehow convinces Fred Duncan that the X-Men should split up, fearing they may be too big a target for evil mutants and thinking they might be better at responding to threats spread out over the continent.

Yeah, Angel will be so much more effective when he isn’t part of a team of much more powerful individuals. (X-Men 46)

So, the X-Men split up! In NYC, Bobby and Hank battle Warlock, the most forgettable villain ever, when he interrupts their date. They also get into a fight with hippies because of… poetry?

Yeah! Put the slam in poetry slam, odd beatniks! *aggressive finger snaps* (X-Men 47)

Jean and Scott ‘go undercover’ in California, with Jean becoming a model and Scott ‘pretending’ to be her superjealous boyfriend. So, instead of actually forming a relationship, they just pretend to have one? Fuck, these two are exhausting. Jean also forgot she attends a university, apparently. Which is just as well, because it means boring Ted and his boring brother disappear from the narrative.

They are attacked by an increasingly silly string of villains and it’s obvious that nobody really knows what to do with this book. They even skip an issue: the preview for issue 49 is something completely different than what we’re getting.

The year ends of a sort of high note, however, introducing two familiar faces. Mesmero,a hitherto unknown follower of Magneto, is amassing an army of would-be mutants by… hypnotizing them? Through their… X-Gene? Among them is a curious gal named Lorna Dane, who is rocking the brown hair. Bobby saves her from her drone-like state and keeps an eye on her while the rest of the X-Men investigate Mesmero.

Lorna meanwhile takes a shower, washed out the cheap dye and is revealed to have green hair. (Fuck yeah! But also maybe buy better dye?) Bobby and Lorna are captured by Mesmero and his cronies, and Bobby warns the other X-Men telepathically. They let themselves be captured by Mesmero too, figuring it’s the easiest way to find his lair. There, Mesmero awakens Lorna’s latent magnetism powers, and bestows on her two sweet titles:

Somewhere in Kenya, Storm is upset and doesn’t know why. (X-Men 50)

And, in another shocking twist (gasp²), Magneto’s alive!

You say ‘aura of unspeakable evil’, I say ‘prime dom top daddy’. (X-Men 50)

He fights the X-Men while Polaris tries to determine who she holds allegiance to: the father she just met or these other randos she just met. You’d think she would maybe not want to hang out with the raving demagogue, but hey. Maybe it’s magnetic attraction. The X-Men flee, forced to regroup, and we end the year there, with the ‘innocent’ Lorna Dane under Magneto’s thrall.

Didn’t you take Art History? Oh! Issue 50 has the familiar logo for the first time, created by Jim Steranko!

So one cape tassel goes over the shoulder and one goes under it? Why is there a little skull with horns in the middle? Why the strappy sandals? Mesmero, sashay away. (X-Men 50)

Ugliest Costume: It’s a toss-up between Mesmero and Polaris, but since I assume Mesmero designed Polaris’ outfit, we’ll just give it to him.

Best new character: I didn’t think she’d earn it, because I’m not the biggest fan of Lorna Dane (most writers use her as a plot device, rather than a character), but otherwise this would go to Grotesk and that’s never going to happen.

Most audacious retcon: Jean is able to psychically penetrate Juggernaut’s helmet, which used to protect him from Charles’ influence.

It’s also kinda funny how after years of retcons where Polaris, Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver sometimes are and sometimes aren’t Magneto’s kids, how it is right now is the same as when it started: Lorna is Magneto’s daughter, the twins aren’t.

What to read: Nothing. This is not a great year.

Death proof: ‘Chuck’ kicks the bucket for the first time.

[sakuhai]

I quite enjoy Oriya❤PJ comics on WEBTOON.I don't think they are homophobic,just extremely intense and mostly focuse on the dark side of humans and relationships because to a certain degree that's closer to reality.

In their most recent project the characters are complicated and full of flaws and some hidden virtues.

The main character is this rich kid who has always been lonely angry and sad.As a kid his mother "abandoned" him and his older sister (who btw once had s*x with a dude who had a boyfriend and a few years later she got pregnant by a married man though so far its unclear whether she had the kid or not,but one thing is for sure.She ALWAYS had her father on her side helping her out and supporting her and being lenient over her mistakes,unlike her brother whome he always judged more harshly and had much more demands for him and on top of that didn't accept the fact that his son was gay and he was never a supportive father.)

Thats one way to look at things but everyone is "morally gray" in the creators works so the father is not a complete monster.He still spoiled his kids providing them with everything.The main protagonist didn't go to college neither did he had a job.He still lived under his "a**hole" fathers roof but he didn't respect him.Like one time he brought in a dude and f*cked him on the couch in the living room.He did it on purpose to piss off his father who caught him and gave him a bloody punch in the face...

The thing with the seme of the story is that he eventually got a job at a bar but he was diagnosed with an extremely serious potentially life threatening heart disease that the doctor said that surgery or surgeries are necessary and can be done at the seme's fathers clinic but he is too proud to ask his father for anything.And he distants himself from his family more and more.And one time he even roasted his sister so hard she slapped him in the face and run away crying.🙄

Now the other main character of this series is the "controversial" one -at least for me-

I guess it's easy to like characters like him.Because he is the uke and he is very pretty and he gets f*cked around all the time so he is the one who provides almost all the s*x in the series so that makes him likable to the audience.

The uke is interesting but also kinda annoying to me.

He was a prostitute for many years.He was picked up from the streets by a daddy and he was offered a job at a brothel.However the contract he signed had significantly more privileges compared to other s*x workers there.

The uke could chose his clients,he could chose whether he wanted to have s*x with them or not and if yes he could chose what kind and set some very strict rules and limitations.No bruises,no hickeys,no any marks.His paycheck was way larger than the other prostitutes as well and most importantly he could quit and leave the brothel whenever he wanted to!And of course he "brought in the most clients"and the boss offerered him special treatment.He told him "Whatever you need I'm always here for you.Don't ever hesitate."

So based on that its understandable why some other s*x workers at the brothel hated him with a passion.And he is always so aloof always smoking a cigarette and has an attitude.

So the uke met the seme at the bar the seme works in and he liked him.They hooked up and continued so for around 4 months until the seme found out that the uke works at a brothel and he was disgusted.The uke answers that he didn't think they were in a relationship and that if he had ever asked him anything he would had answered him.

The truth is that during those months they didn't do anything else but meet and f*ck.They didn't talk or anything more substantial than just s*x but they both are responsible for this because none of them ever took the initiative to try and meet the other better...

So the seme rejects the uke but the latter has a spare key of his apartment and often appears there and he is kinda manipulative because he has figured out a few of the seme's vulnerabilities.He knows he feels lonely that he has anxiety and he is desperate for affection.But the uke translates all this to s*x and he is more "catty" while with the seme things are straight forward.He loses his temper and he yells.He calls the uke hoe and multiple times has declared that he wants nothing to do with him!

Yet the uke always appears in front of him.Some may say he cares he loves him etc but to me all those seem more manipulative and selfish from the uke's part.

He appears at bars the seme goes and he "saves him" from others who want to hook up with him (not that the seme needs physical help) but still the uke magically appears as if he has the right to interfere in the semes life whether for good or for bad.

He still takes care of the seme when the latter is drunk and vulnerable.I can't help but feel that the uke takes advantage of the seme for his own benefit and in a way he does manipulate him psychologically and emotionally.Trying to convince him that they both are "equally dirty" and "horrible people".

Things always end up with s*x for them though no matter how many times the seme has told him he is not interested he doesn't want to see him anymore.He even threatened to call the police on him if the uke didn't give him the spare key back.The uke pretended to do so but he lied.He is so creepy having multiple keys of the seme's apartment and chilling there as he wishes too knowing that in the end the seme will just give in to s*x and things will continue as such.

He even introduced himself as the semes boyfriend to the semes sister when she visited her brother.Before that he had discovered the doctor diagnosis paper which was in a drawer the seme had by his desk.

Btw of course the uke has a "super cool amazing goth girlfriend" who thinks the seme is the a**hole and that her friend should just leave him.She is right but only for the second part.

Anyways the uke once again seemingly got what he wanted.He claimed that ever since he met the seme he hasnt been working at the brothel nor taking any other guys.With the only exception being his ex boss he just couldn't refuse him a "goodbye forever" f*cking.

He told him he has quit the s*x industry for good and permanently.However it seems that the uke has no further explanations or promises to give.And he doesn't have anything in mind about what he is going to do in the future.What other job is he capable of doing?

The thing with the uke is not only that he was a prostitute but he was a criminal who has done some illegal immoral things that are just disgusting and could get him in jail.

Basically he sold drugs to people.And to underage people...Idk but if I was the seme I'd be even more strict with him.Unfortunately this seme seems tough but he is not.He is more like a big kid and he is lonely insecure and vulnerable which the uke I feel like takes advantage of those to guilt trip him.

All it took for the uke to stop being roasted in front of a mirror by the seme was to make a dramatic scene after the seme told him "How do you come here and take for granted that I'll kiss you when I don't know where your mouth has been and how many d*cks it has sucked and how can I be with someone in a normal relationship knowing that he has f*cked half the town!?" After hearing those the uke just grabbed the soap and poured it in his mouth (the dramatic scene) and the seme got worried (exactly as the uke expected) and not only that but the uke then proceeds to once again tell him that they both are dirty.

Idk im mostly leaning towards not liking this uke very much because once again he got what he wanted by manipuation.By psychological threat attempting to wash his mouth with soap.That will make a sensitive person like the seme to think that the uke could do something more serious trying to damage himself if he doesn't get what he wants.

Only time will tell but so far I'm glaring at the uke.Giving him double the attitude he gives to others lol.He is the type of person that thinks that even though the seme rejects him,insults him and even manhandled him few times as long as the uke can still get him to have s*x with him then he will probably fall in love with him eventually...

Anyways the title of this mess is "If tomorrow was yesterday" check it out and make your own opinions if you're interested.

It is an interesting story the chapters are very brief there is a lot of drama and "tea" in each one of them so overall is a easy to binge read comic.Also the art is great though sometimes I feel that the artist goes through the "Same face syndrome" way too often...But that's not so important.

[amysubmits]

Why do you think people look at d/s in such a bad way? Anytime I see it come up in a movie or in the media it always has a negative connotation. Have you ever doubted that what you engage in is moral?

I think it’s misunderstood for a lot of reasons really. 

In part, I think that vanilla people just don’t understand D/s or BDSM because they are wired differently. So they just it from a ‘that’s weird’ sort of perspective. When I see BDSM brought up in some popular culture it’s just basically joking about it being weird.  

I imagine that when people see the idea of D/s or BDSM they imagine how they personally would feel being treated that way. So they might look at a flogging and think ‘omg I would feel abused’ or they might read about a Dominant giving their submissive an order and think ‘I would feel so degraded if my husband tried bossing me around.’ so they don’t realize that I submissives don't feel that way. They can’t understand that we find happiness and fulfillment and love in living this way.  

I also think that a lot of society outside of the BDSM community doesn’t understand the difference between abuse and BDSM. They don’t understand how vital consent is for us. 

Some of it is just pure kink-shaming. 

Some of it is bad representation in media.

Sometimes people feel like morality and sexuality are connected…so there can just be a difference in moral perspective. But also sometimes it can come from a place of feeling like vanilla sex within marriage can be ‘love making’ and therefore okay…but ‘just for fun’ sex is viewed as immoral. A lot of people seem to assume that BDSM is exclusively for fun. So they might look down on BDSM because they don’t understand that it can be love-making too. 

Some of it is concern about submission being the result of “daddy issues” or other beliefs about BDSM being something unhealthy. 

Some of it is sexism. If they see a woman submitting to a man they assume she must have been brainwashed by the patriarchy into thinking she can’t be in charge of her relationship or in a 50/50 relationship. They don’t recognize that we truly choose this. 

I think some of it is just how society kinda shits being submissive or being more of a follower as being weak or inferior or just less ‘cool’ or badass than being a leader. 

I think some of it is how society doesn’t understand the difference between being dominant and being domineering or controlling or an asshole. Honestly, that confusion even happens within our community. I was so frustrated with this stereotype that I was venting about it yesterday. 

Some people just believe that relationships can only be fair/ethical/equal if everything is divided 50/50. I’ve used the apples and oranges example before. To me, if we have an apple and an orange and I like apples and dislike orange, and CD likes oranges but dislikes apples, I can take the apple and he can take the orange and it’s a fair deal. To others, the ONLY way to find equality is to give both people ½ the apple and ½ the orange.  

I’m sure I’m missing others. But you get the point I’m sure. It’s a lot of things combined. 

I grew up in the kinda place where abstinence only is taught in public high school. I realized as a teenager that what I had been taught (that sexuality and morality are highly intertwined) was no something I actually believed in myself. So once I let go of that, then it wasn’t super hard to accept my kinks? I can’t say I never get into a bad headspace of feeling like a freak, or feeling needy in a bad way, or feeling like I ‘should be’ less emotional or more assertive or whatever. But I feel like those are just those dark corners of my insecurities that creep out when I’m depressed once in a while, it’s not something I ever genuinely worry about if that makes sense. 

I know that I can’t separate CD into my partner vs my Dominant because he just IS dominant and I’m his. Similarly, I can’t easily separate our love from our D/s because D/s is basically just the way that we feel the most loved. So if I were to consider that there could e something immoral about our D/s I would have to also accept that there is something immoral about our love and that’s just impossible. 

But also? I just don’t believe that something can be immoral if it doesn’t harm anyone. 

[ignite-the-fires-far]

➏ What’s the one thing you especially love about roleplaying your muses? - as many as you want

Hi

I could easily say something I like about every single active muse. And since I’m bored and kind of frustrated with school work, indulge me in some:

Latijva: He’s an old guy. Really terrible and immoral. He’s villain material. And yet, he never gets persecuted as one, which is highly funny of me. He’s like Taxi Driver levels of “whatever” towards his crimes of pillaging, razing, buccaneering and other sorts. Which is highly fun at the same time.

Hëlka: I especially adore her no-bullshit attitude. It's also very entertaining that she's a troll. She seeks reactions from people. And she is a specially challenging muse since I don't have a single common thing with her, and it is by design that. Also, she's my first kinda trans character, so hooray for completion milestone?

Bodiltalos: Legend tells that he started as a verse for @skitter-leap but as I rped with him, i started developping both him and Iyb further, and I really felt enamoured about Iberian culture and shit. Also horse riding. I had plans for another horse rider muse but it never came to fruition. So Bodiltalos became the substitude for that. Also, I really, really enjoy that hes so popular despite his flaws. Really speaks to his character. That, or that all you females out there want a misogynist man. One of the two.

T’eoq’obek: Daddy. I also like lizards. Crocodiles my favourite animal. I like monster rp. I really dont have profound excuses for this OC. I just really like being big myself and having a semi-popular OC with such a theme. Also monster rp

Tachyon (Silent Skitter): He was more of an experiment muse that turned out to have potential and interesting thread mechanic. Its basically a bishounen with self esteem issues stemmed from the fact that he looks more human than rat. Yet looks enough ratty for people to shun him away too. Call it a furry Edward Scissor hands. I don’t care.

Hans Löcke: Why is my man falling out of popularity recently? Smh. Anyways, His theme is rage, and the power behind it. And I don’t mean in a “HULK SMASH!” kind of way, but in a so angry, so bitter that he wont stop at nothing. Also he’s good with children and looks so fucked up. Love seeing punks with kids IDK why.

Carmencita: She is so nice isn’t she?

Rubrika: As I learn more and more about cinema with studies she allows me to poke fun at the state of cinema and also at myself as a writer and creator. I like that shes just a nerd with a huge ego. A dichotomy you wont find in much characters. She’s also a big lesbian, Harold. Idk why no one has noticed this so far.

Tane Anahera Kahunagi: Big Shark Man. Big Nice Man. But if you hurt good little people he becomes Big Angry Shark Man and you die a horrible death. Also, facial expressions through a helmet.

Isaac Romano: What if a nerd was also a pinnacle of thottery and lust. So far not a single thread has managed to turn Isaac to the dark side, and so, his character is really very underdeveloped, despite its popularity. But then again, killer semen is not a tactic you see nowadays in much rps.

[mysterious-foxes]

Okay, let's unpack this.

First and foremost, you don't have to believe in God or in spiritual things to support abortion and trans people. Because they have nothing to do with God or spirituality. Making a claim they do just proves you're trying to use your religion to control people.

How many pro choice people have you spoken to? Sure, there are a few that will claim the ZEF isn't alive, but the majority of us recognize the ZEF is a living human organism. We just recognize that no humans have the right to use someone else's body without their continuous consent, so why should a nonsentient being have any extra rights? In fact, you would have to make the claim that the ZEF isn't a human with all and equal human rights to be able to try to grant it a special right nobody in the world has (while simultaneously violating the rights of the pregnant person). It is clearly immoral to torture one person so that someone else can live, which is why anti choicers will never admit that forced continuation of pregnancy is literal torture. Ya'll just ignore it (kinda like you ignore the children that are molested in your church).

You do realize that there's SOOO much more that goes into gender and sex than just being born in the wrong body. And even if it was just being born in the wrong body, that doesn't mean that a soul has anything to do with that. You know what, let's look at the science. You probably learned that to be male you have XY chromosomes and to be female you have XX chromosomes. Well, turns out, the only thing that matters on the Y chromosome is a gene called the SRY gene. Sometimes, that SRY gene decides to just pop off. It's possible for someone to have XY chromosomes and have a vagina. It's also possible for someone to have XX chromosomes that one developed the SRY gene so they have a penis. That's all not to mention that some people who have XY chromosomes with the SRY gene don't produce as many male hormones as someone with XX chromosomes without the SRY gene. Oh, and let's not forget that transgender people's brains literally have the same structure as the gender they identify with. There's SOOO much more than just having a soul.

I think it's hilarious that you say people who are atheist, pro choice, and pro trans rights haven't thought through their stance when you clearly haven't done any research. Yeah, pure views appear to be inconsistent when you can't imagine what life is like without a god. Our views appear to be inconsistent when you don't look at the science and facts of it all.

I'm not even going to go through all your points of possibility of thinking seeing as I've already explained how those are all incorrect and you just have to look at science instead of your sky daddy to understand

Can you be pro-abortion and pro-trans and an atheist?

A lot of people on the political left hold the following three positions: they are pro-abortion, they are atheists, and they are pro-transgenderism. These views all have in common that they involve rejections of traditional Judeo-Christian morality. But, interestingly, all three views involve taking strong stances about spiritual matters, about the existence of God and the soul, and about the relationship of the soul to the body. 

For example, atheists take strong stances that God does not exist, and they usually go further to say that spiritual forces do not exist. Some think that everything that exists is just matter, and so human beings do not have a soul.

For example, supporters of abortion deny that the fetus is a living human person, because otherwise, abortion would be the deliberate killing of an innocent human being, and (in general, apart from a handful of tricky cases) that would be clearly immoral.

For example, there are basically three theories for why someone wants to present as a different gender: The transgendered might be (a) mentally ill, or (b) just choosing to be different, or © people whose biology does not match their real gender.  Now, there are certainly some transgendered who are trans because of (a) or (b), that is because they are mentally ill and/or because they just choose to be different. But © seems to be the only view that points in favor of transgendered rights or sympathy for the transgendered precisely because they are transgendered, rather than for general principles, such as that even mentally ill people have some rights and deserve some sympathy.) And to hold © seems to require that one has to have a particular view of the soul’s relationship to the body.

I suspect that most people who are atheists and are pro-abortion and pro-transgenderism can be convicted of not having thought through these beliefs. Because the views appear to be mutually inconsistent. I think I can show this by the following map of the possible positions:

1. If you don’t believe in a soul, but believe that people are just material beings, then there is no way to make sense of the claim that transgendered persons can “really” be different than their bodily genders. If all we are is a body, then we can’t say that our body does not reveal what we are.

2.  So, to hold © above, that the transgendered are people whose biology does not match their real gender, one must believe both that we have a soul that is really what we are, and that the soul’s gender is determined independently of the body’s gender. (Gender doesn’t seem to be an attribute that makes sense in a non-bodily being, but let’s assume proponents of © can tell a story about that.)  

3. There are four possibilities about the relationship of the soul to the body: either human bodies do not have souls, or the soul and the body come into existence together at conception, or the body preexists the soul, or the soul pre-exists the body. In either of the last two cases, where the soul exists independently of the body for a time, the soul must somehow enter the body, which means that: the soul can either enter the body of its own volition or it can be compelled to enter the body against its will by a force that can act on non-bodily beings.

4. The only account of © that makes any sort of sense is for the soul to pre-exist the body, for the soul to be what we really are independently of the body, and for the soul to be compelled to enter the body by a spiritual force after a time of existing outside it. (At least, I can’t think of a reason a soul would deliberately enter the wrong body of its own free choice.) Hindu-style reincarnation and Mormon-style views of pre-mortal life and the First Estate both could explain a purported mismatch between the soul and the body.

5. The deliberate killing of an innocent human being is immoral. Also, you cannot kill what does not have a soul, since death is the separation of the soul from the body. So, to believe that abortion is not the killing of an innocent unborn and living human being, one can either believe that unborn children do not have souls, or that the soul enters the body after conception and the abortion occurs before the soul enters the body. If the soul and the body come into existence together at conception, or if the soul pre-exists the body and enters at conception, then abortion is the killing of an innocent unborn and living human being.

6. So if one is a materialist, one cannot hold © that transgendered persons are really different than their bodily genders. But one can hold that abortion is not immoral. [From #1, #5]

7. If one holds that the soul and the body come into existence together at conception, then one cannot hold © or that abortion is not immoral. [#4, #5]

8. If one holds that the soul pre-exists the body and enters the body at the moment of conception, then one can hold © but not that abortion is immoral. [#4, #5]

9. Only if one holds that the soul pre-exists the body, and that the soul enters the body sometime after conception, and that the soul is forced to enter the body against its will by a powerful spiritual force, can one support both © and early-term abortions (#4, #5). But the need for a powerful spiritual force to assign souls to bodies against their wills seems to mean that one cannot be an atheist as well as a supporter of trans rights.

The above seems to be the conceptual map of the possible positions. I don’t know that many defenders of © have ever given an account of the relationship of the soul to the body, or how the soul gets assigned to the wrong body, so I can’t analyze concrete positions that prominent thinkers have advocated. But it seems to me that they have to have a picture something like #4 above. If any readers know where someone has provided a theory for how the soul of one gender could get “assigned” to the body of another, I’d appreciate hearing about it.

[adrianvsart]

memorable and overall funny camp camp quotes

well…after 8 HOURS, i’ve finally rewatched the camp camp series for almost the 5th time. and boy, was it agonizing to say the least. nevertheless, it felt very rewarding after i finished gathering all the quotes together.

ill be updating this as new episodes are released but these are the ones out to the public so far (not including the new ones released on the rooster teeth website as i will wait until its posted on youtube).

it’s under the cut because, oh boy, is this LONG;

Episode 1, Escape From Camp Campbell

“Can you believe it, Max? We’re getting not one! not three! but two new campers today!” “Yup! it’s really truly horrifying.”

“I’m not here to make friends, David! I’m here because camp is where kids are sent when their parents don’t wanna deal with them. Why do you think we return the favor when they hit seventy?”

“Hang on a sec, what are you even doing out here?” “Well, it’s definitely not because the bus only comes from the city to drop off and pick up campers and so far seems to be my only reasonable method of escaping this fucking nightmare of a camp. Definitely not that.” “Heeey…language.”

“Suck a dic-” “All I want is for you kids to have as much fun as I did when I was a Campbell camper! Is that really too much to ask?” “I refuse to believe someone as happy as you can possibly exist.”

“No, silly! This is adventure camp! Ad-vent-ure! My mom said so! Unless she was lying…again. Sorry about that hand by the way, just exerting dominance, you know how it goes.”

“Max, you are not leaving my side for the rest of the day!” “We’ll see about that, CAMP. MAN.”

“Tell ‘em just how much you love it, Max!” “See, that’s the sad thing…he still actually thinks that I love it.”

“Gooood morning, Gwen!” “MOTHERFUCKER!”

“Nurf, you don’t crank shit! Get down from there Space Kid!”

“What about that astronaut kid?” “Astronauts, the wannabe jocks of the scientific community? Please.”

“Yeah, so far every attempt to answer our questions just raises more questions.” “Hey, good for you! You’re starting to catch on!”

“[Pulling out guitar] Well, I’m glad you asked, because I have a little song that I can sing–” “No.” “[Putting back guitar] When Gwen’s not around.”

“You are the bane of my existence.”

“This is bullshit!” “Woah, check out the balls on new kid.” “[Looking down at her crotch] Where?”

“Oh god, it’s coming back, the crippling anxiety and regret.”

“Why would you help us?” “I’m an agent of chaos.”

“Oh no. I hope YOU learned, David! I hope you learned that before today, you only had one little bastard to deal with. But now you’ve got three." 

Episode 2, Mascot

"Oh, he talked! Did you hear that?!” “Are you a gypsy?” “Uhhh…”

“[After just flinging the camp mascot to the next island with a huge rock instead of hitting David] Aw, man…That was supposed to kill you.”

“Well, Max, we were going to make hand-made ice cream, but someone killed our mascot and now we need a new one BECAUSE EVERY GOOD CAMP HAS A MASCOT, MAX!”

“Lady-sickness. My mom used to get that all the time.” “How do you cure it?” “EDGE CLOSER TO DEATH.”

“Calm down, it’ll be fine. Besides, anything’s better than hanging with DAVID." 

"Sorry everyone, just…really overwhelmed by all this friendship right now.”

“What’s WRONG?! I wanted to spend my summer in an air conditioned laboratory! Not walking around a future Wal-Mart parking lot!” “Aw, come on, Neil! Nature can be your friend if you just give it a chance!” “…There’s a raccoon trying to scavenge Nerris.”

“It’s resistent to charms!” “Nerris! Play dead!” “I’m out of mana!" 

"Uh…this looks like the place teenagers go to get stabbed.” “…Probably.”

“Hey, so, how’d you lose that hand anyway?” “[unintelligible mumble] JEWS [unintelligible mumble]” “…I feel like you should be more specific.”

“[Sigh] Well, I guess Nikki was right. Enjoy wearing my skin.”

“[After killing a squirrel] Mascot.” “DUDE! YOU FUCKING KILLED IT!” “…Oh.”

“[Aggressively killing animals] I AM THE KING NOW! THE THRONE IS MINE!" 

"Wh-Where’d it go?! Bring it back!” “Oh…I don’t know how. This is kinda why I’m here.”

“Where do we go now?!” “I don’t know! This was a really bad idea in hindsight!”

“I WANT A VIKING’S FUNERAL! LIGHT ME UP!”

“…Why do you always have to make things weird and complicated?” “Well, I mean, I think this is all pretty normal…”

“Does this mean we’ll be the Camp Campbell Platties?!” “No, I don’t think so.”

 "…What about the pussies?“ "Definitely not!” “Yeah, I like that!” “Pussies for life.”

“…So what’s with the Quartermaster and Jews?”

Episode 3, Scout’s Dishonor

“Ah…another wonderful day at Camp Campbell. All that’s left to do now is recharge with a full eight hours of lying in bed…awake! Waiting for tomorrow!”

“Alright, guys, our first attempt to bust out of this god-forsaken hellhole didn’t work.”

“So…what are you gonna do on the outside?” “Probably live with the animals. Try and get raised by wolves, maybe work my way up to alpha. Pee on stuff.”

“I think I’ll go to my dad’s house and tell him that mom sent me to an abusive summer camp. Pretend to like him more so she’ll try to buy back my love." "That’s really dark, Neil.”

“Where are we?” “Where happiness goes to DIE.”

“WHY DO YOU KEEP HITTING ME?! AND WHY IS IT ONLY CLOUDY OVER YOUR SIDE OF THE LAKE?!”

“God, your face is gross.” “…What…?” “Oh, sorry, that just slipped out…” “Dude…” “Sorry… I know… That was mean.” “It really was…”

“Oh, we don’t kidnap campers. That’d be immoral.” “THAT GUY LITERALLY STABBED ME IN THE BACK!”

“Neeancy, boys are supposed to be tough.” “And rugged.” “And if they pee in you, you get pregnant!”

“Y'all are some ignorant fucking cunts!”

“[Dreamily]…he can pee in me anytime.” “Tabii seriously, what the fuck?!”

“That was super gay.” “We JUST learned a lesson about stereotyping!”

“You know, maybe I don’t hate Camp Campbell, maybe I hate EVERYTHING." 

Episode 4, Camp Cool Kidz

"This sucks…This is the kind of peasant work my parents left their home country to avoid." 

"That’s fucking stupid, nicknames don’t make you cool.” “Pssh, spoken like a true first-part nicknamer.”

“No one’s TOO cool to talk to. Even cool kids take giant, uncomfortable shits from time to time. Helps remind you that we’re all equal.”

“Oh, maybe he’ll give us a raise! Or, tell me I’m like the son he never had!” “…Or explain why he’s wanted by the government.” “Or that. Yeah, there’s that." 

"WE GOT OURSELVES AN UPRISIN’!”

“Max! I am very disappointed in you for this behavior! But I’m also torn, because you were clearly paying attention during knot-tying class!”

“This is just like Le Mis! Ah, I love it!” “Don’t make this lame, Preston.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold the hell up! Did you nerds forget who revolutionized this place?! I should be leading you! Not "x-treme sports barbie” over here!“

"Rage-against-the-machine-fight-the-power-9/11!” “Progressive buzzwords can’t save you now.”

“Like the minutemen of the Revolution, we will fight for our independence!” “Minuteman…mommy calls daddy that when they argue.”

“I’m not sure I’m comfortable with this. It’s only been a few hours and we’ve already gone shirtless!”

“Aw, man! Sooo uncool.” “MURDER HIM!”

“What are you kids doing?!” “We’re gonna kill Space Kid!”

“You guys are here to rescue me?!” “No! Shut up David!” “Aw…”

“No fighting! Violence never solves anything!” “STAB HER, BITCH!”

“OH GOD! SOMEONE STOP-DROP-AND-ROLL ME!”

Episode 5, Journey to Spooky Island

“I was VERY innocent and impressionable back then!” “…So, last week?”

“What’s scary is how much I wanna kill myself right now.”

“So help me if this involves vampire romance.” “I-It could’ve been werewolves. You don’t know!”

“Here’s a horror story, go look at the job market you’re dealing with after this camp shuts down!”

“[After a squirrel jumps out of Space Kid’s spacesuit] Wait a minute! How is it that you aren’t even phased by that?!” “Might’ve helped if I hadn’t put it in his suit to begin with.”

“Wh-what do you think about that moaning and wailing?” “Pssh, it’s just teenagers from that church camp working on those repressions again. Not that I know anything about it, just being a kid and all.”

“So…No dead campers then?” “Nope! We’re good!” “Damn.”

“What’s with space case?” “Squirrel-splosion.”

“Ah…So the revolution has begun…”

“Pssh, ghosts don’t exist. You die, and then you’re faced with eternal nothingness. It’s gonna be great.”

“HOW DO YOU KNOW?! YOU’VE NEVER DIED!”

“We’ll see who’s yawning when we’re all DEAD!” “Why would we…?”

“That seems redundant.” “Yeah, and I think endangered…”

“I AM NOT ABOUT THIS SHIT, NIKKI! SCIENCE HAS IT’S LIMITS!” “Don’t be so naive, this is mild experimentation at best.”

“You know what this is? Proof that the founder of Camp Campbell is a rich piece of shit with terrible morals and who also potentially kills people! …ALL THINGS I WAS ALREADY PRETTY SURE OF!”

“But the monsters! The wails! You can’t explain that!” “Actually…” “THE HELL I CAN’T!”

“Guess that goes to show that sometimes, the only thing scarier than monsters and ghosts…is real life. Specifically old people having sex. Weird, kinky sex. In a dungeon. Boy, that is…that is some dark shit.”

Episode 6, Reigny Day

“Under my rule, I WILL MAKE CAMP CAMPBELL GREAT AGAIN” “[Thinking] This is probably fine.”

“WHAT DID YOU DO WITH NEIL, NURF? SHOVE HIM IN A LOCKER? MAKE HIM PROM QUEEN, ONLY TO COVER HIM IN BLOOD?”

“You seem pretty confident about that. Where were you on the night of-” “Shut up, let’s go find him.”

“Yeah? What did you think I meant? I’m not some kind of secret police or something.”

“[Nervously] All right kiddos, why don’t we take this conversation somewhere else, like another room! Or another camp!”

“We shall make an example of him! Let the hunt begin!” “[Thinking] This is still fine.”

“[After Preston destroys the floorboards with a crowbar] This has escalated quickly.”

“[Thinking, after getting nervous about the judges] This is no longer fine.”

“[Thinking] I can’t believe I lost to Dolph, he isn’t even a counselor!” “[Thinking] Plus he really looks like Hitler.”

Episode 7, Romeo & Juliet II: Love Resurrected

“Please, the theater demands your utmost respect-” “[Through megaphone] SHUT YOUR YAPS, IT’S TIME FOR THE PLAY!” “Ahem, thank you Gwen.” “[Through megaphone] DON’T MENTION IT!”

“Y'know, Juliet should’ve done karate instead of kissing boys. HIYAH! Maybe she wouldn’t have died then.”

“Has anyone seen my phone? I must have dropped it while doing my smile exercises.” “Don’t admit to that…”

“Guuys, you’re just adding to my anxiety! If you don’t return the phone, I’m going to have a panic attack, and that’s on you!”

“Yo, did someone say black magic?” “[Facepalming] Amateurs!”

“Thanks for your contribution, an inanimate object stuffed with hay could have acted better! [Turning to the platypus] Platypus, you’re doing great! Stole the scene! Keep it up!”

“Alright people, get your SHIT together!”

“You’re up next, break a leg, buddy.” “You’re right! If I’m injured, I can’t preform! Hit me! Hit me hard! It’s gotta look convincing!”

“Our love is forbidden just like Romeo and Juliet’s but we will be together even if it costs us our lives. UGH! It’s so romantic, I wanna die!” “He called us cunts last time he saw us.”

“I’m gonna make that kissing scene so hot, it’ll be rated TV Y 7.”

“It appears, my son, in her sorrow, she killed herself.” “Nooo! [Seinfeld music]”

“Ugh. Why is he so sweaty? Robots can’t sweat. THIS ISN’T CANON!”

“I don’t know who this BITCH is, but she is KILLING IT! AH!”

“I need to stop this!” “Why? This is awesome! Whoo! You go girl!”

“The theater! The cruelest mistress of all! My career! Like the mistakes of so many teenage girls, has been aborted.”

“Oh, nobody plays Bonquisha like that!” “[In distance] Kick his ass!”

“What about me? Where’s MY apology?” “I’m gonna be honest, I’m not sure who you are.”

“[Holding up a picture of Cameron Campbell] Have you seen this man?” “Oh, uh, I’ve been told to tell you no.”

“They don’t give Oscars for stage performances.” “That’s how good it was.”

Episode 8, Into Town

“What did I say? I said don’t do fire safety camp and political history camp in the same day unless you reeeeaaally want it to turn into riot control camp." 

"You’re still on fire, btw!” “Thank you.”

“Eyy, we’re talking here!” “The moon landings were a hoax filmed in Area 51 orchestrated by the government as a publicity stunt designed to humiliate the Russians in the space race!” “Noooooo! No! I can’t hear you! I can’t hear you! I can’t hear you!”

“Ah! Sweet 22.2 degrees Celsius, here we come!” “You idiot! This isn’t about air conditioning!”

“Just what exactly do you think he’s into?” “Hookers and blow!” “[Simultaneously] WHAT?!”

“Neil, you go be Neil in the nerd shop. Just stay here and keep an eye on the wagon. Get ready to haul ass if you see David about to leave.”

“Eeny-meeny-miny-mo, what lame place did David go…in?”

“Don’t serve your kind here.” “Your kind? Your kind?! Care to be more specific, sir? I’m calling you out!” “Kids.” “Oh, well that’s totally understandable.”

“Him? Yeahh, he’s a bit on edge now, isn’t he? Kept saying something about how it was all some kid’s fault.” “I know what you’re thinking. You’re totally right.”

“So, he come here often? Is he a sad drunk? Happy drunk? Gay drunk?”

“He beat a women?! David, you unbelievable bastard, I didn’t know you had it in you!”

“[Coughing] Max? I think I’m dying.”

“[To Max] Don’t come back. [To Nikki] Come back when you’re 18.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t wanna drive him to murder! I just wanted to show him that his entire philosophical outlook on life is flawed and that the fundamental beliefs and ideologies he holds so dearly are trivial so that he’ll start crying himself to sleep like the rest of us! I’m not a monster!”

“You sick bastard! Your getaway from the camp is TO GO CAMPING?!”

“Just. Kill us!”

Episode 9, David Gets Hard

“FUCK YEAH, SCARE ME STRAIGHT!”

“Well, we’re gonna learn that little shit some manners, David! Because we are contractually obligated to!" 

"After all, there’s only one camper at Camp Campbell worse than him, and it’s me.”

“What do you want?” “Double desert, no activities for a week, and David’s social security number.” “Done.” “Gwen!” “SHUT UP, DAVID!” “Okay…”

“Today’s the day I get hard!” “Okay, maybe we don’t phrase it like that…” “Oh no! Rule 1: no backing down! Look out, world! I’m hard and I’m coming! Whether he likes it or not, Nurf is gonna let me in!”

“…So does he want to help Nurf or fuck him?" 

"You’re pathetic.” “And getting blood on my boot.”

“No, no! You’re being positive again! Gwen’s the fucking worst! She slacks off, reads garbage and has no idea what she’s doing with her life!” “[Angrily] What?”

 "There’s no time-travelling doctor coming to save you Gwen! Get your shit together!“ 

"Right! I know that’s probably hard to hear!” “No.” “And may have even been a little too far!” “Not at all” “But by golly, it seems to me you’ve never been very polite to anyone!” “[Muttering] God damn it.”

“Man, he is…way more fucked up than I thought.”

“[Sarcastically] Oops, didn’t see you there! [Normally] Just kidding, I was fully aware of the situation. I’m just acting out for attention. That being said, I do think I need corrective lenses, my mom just won’t take me." 

"Oh, so we’re doing the whole Freudian thing now? Everyone wants to fuck their own mom, get over it!”

“So, what are you gonna do now?” “STAB MY DAD!” “NO! What?! Why?!”

“What do you expect? I’m just a kid! Eat my farts, butt-nut!”

“Well, I guess it turns out at the end of the day…sometimes you just gotta hit kids.”

Episode 10, Mind Freakers

“Sure, Harrison, that’s it. It’s certainly not because I believe in the fundamental laws of everything in existence which goes against the slightest chance of magic even being possible.”

“Get rekt, Harrison. Why don’t you do a real magic trick if you’re so good.”

“Oh! You just got Abraca-OWNED, Max!”

“Yes, and it would’ve been even better if it had happened to Neil as I intended, but you get the idea. Magic!”

“I do NOT feel okay!”

“It’s not like I’m gonna loose sleep over it. [Later that night] Shit.”

“Yeah! I believe! Cut me in half! I’ll be fine! …I’ll be fine? I’ll be fine!”

“Okay, Neil. I got you, fam.” “I don’t know what that means, but thank you.”

“How does Harrison have the Gaul to do something so hurtful, ya know?” “Yeah, it’s kinda shitty. I feel-” “It’s like he doesn’t even care how this affects ME!” “You?!” “Yeah! How can he be so selfish?”

“I don’t know, Neil. There’s still so much I need to learn. I gotta reach level 4 and I haven’t even been sorted into a house yet.”

“Just proving that any idiot with half a brain can do that trick you pulled off yesterday.” “Wait, are…are you calling yourself an idiot, Neil?” “SHUT UP SPACE KID.”

“YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH, HARRISON!”

“The only thing I’m killing is your hocus-pocus bullshit, Harrison!”

“And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the greatest trick of all. Getting a cynical, close-minded asshole to believe in magic!" 

Episode 11, Camporee

"Guess who’s got two thumbs, diplomatic immunity and is here to host the annual Lake Lilac CAMPOREE?! This guy!”

“David, what the hell! No one told us about this!” “We’ve literally been telling you about it everyday for weeks.” “Yeah, but we never listen to you guys! Put up flyers or something.”

“Darn it, Teddy, you KNOW I’ve got a crippling gambling addiction!”

“Yo, David! I think I speak for all of us when I say that I don’t wanna become some fascist military peon!” “[Raising his hand] He does not speak for all of us.”

“BOO! Give us actual advice!”

“[Nervously] We just, uh, you know gotta believe in ourselves!” “Nope, we’re boned.”

“Oh, Jesus Christ! Campers, we are winning that FUCKING trophy!”

“[Innocently] Kill.”

Episode 12, The Order of the Sparrow

“Gwen, why is David dressed like a turkey?” “Because he’s fucking David, Nikki, you’ve been here long enough to figure that out.”

“Wow, that is racist.” “Seriously, are you offended?”

“[Whining] Do we have to?” “No, but-” “WAIT! Nevermind! It’s mandatory!”

“Tell us now, turkey man!”

“I can be nice! I’m the nicest!”

“David! You know me! You know I love nature! You know if I could, I would have BABIES with nature!”

“Resistance is futile, turkey man!”

“David. Witness me. Witness my love for nature! [Tries kissing platypus but it bites him instead] Ow! You whore! Let me love you, god damn it!”

“I can’t believe I frenched a platypus for this!”

“Life sucks. And we live in a world of desensitized, apathetic assholes. Why don’t you just get with the program and stop giving a shit.”

“That’s why I’ll never stop trying, because somebody fucking has to.”

“Wake up, buttercup!” “Nikki! No more arrows!” “You can’t control me, white devil!”

“Alright, I fixed it. Everybody hurry up and…ah, shit, he’s awake.”

“Max? Did you-” “DO NOT look too deeply into this. You suck, this world sucks, and one day we’re all gonna die and none of it will matter but if we didn’t do this, I’m pretty sure you’d kill yourself or something.” “[Sniffling] Oh, Max…” “Or shoot up the camp. I dunno, it was a possibility.”

Season 2, Episode 1, Cult Camp

“[Bursting through the door] Goooood morning, David!” “Goood morning, Gwen! Wait, this feels backwards.” “Yep!”

“But today’s the day!” “[Gasp] You’ve realized your love of Camp Campbell and everything it stands for?” “[Happily] HELL NO!”

“Ha, are pulling my leg?” “No leg-pulling here, but we are keen on handshakes!”

“You know, I think now is the perfect time to use my vacation days.” “[Simultaneously] Aw, Gwen. Are you sure?”

“[Picking on Max after he raises his hand] Yes, Max.” “[Points at Daniel] Who the fuck is that?” “Why, what an excellent question!”

“You’ve got to be shitting me.” “Whoa, watch the language there little fella!”

“I don’t really know what you’re selling here, Daniel…but I am BUYING IT!”

“Oh my fuck, he’s ACTUALLY- [Banging on David’s door] A CULTIST! YOU HIRED A FUCKING CULTIST, YOU IDIOT!”

“Again with these cult jokes, Max? Please.” “He gave everyone a "de-toxification” diet then started spouting off Latin from a book with a pentagram!“ "He’s bilingual AND cares about nutrition?!”

“[Sweetly] Hey, David?” “Yes, Nikki?” “WAKE UP AND SMELL THE KOOL-AID!”

“I would just like to point out the fucked-up implications of specifically YOU [points at Dolph] putting specifically ME [points at himself (Neil)] into a gas chamber.”

“I love you, Daniel!” “[Gasp] But…That’s not right! Max doesn’t love anything!”

“Poor guy, must have been some bad fruit punch.” “[Sigh] You’re a moron.”

Season 2, Episode 2, Anti-Social Network

“Nurf, leave me alone, or so help me, I will post photoshops everywhere of you kissing guys!” “Woah! Hey, somebody’s a little tense. You might want to look into some agression therapy. Besides, maybe I already tried to explore my sexuality…you don’t know. [Sniff] Chris, why did you leave me?”

“Oh my fucking god! Is it always just adventures with you two?!”

“It’s a chat bot.” “What do you mean?” “I mean, it’s a programmed, repetitive, humorless, inhuman, simulation of a person.” “Yeah, Neil!”

“Okay, okay. So maybe a couple of you might have critical thinking skills. Good for you, but other than that it’s all going according to plan.” “And what plan is that?” “The "get everyone to leave me the hell alone” plan. I’m a genius!“

"What could possibly go wrong?” “Everything, but until it does, I’m gonna go plug David into this thing and see how it plays out. Have fun doing…whatever.”

“Damn, Neil, you did that with graphing calculators?”

“This doesn’t make any sense. Every calculator’s running an updated version of my chat bot, but they’re all acting different.” “Yeah, I’m about three seconds away from removing the batteries from David’s.”

“Well I guess it’s a good thing we got them all. Can you imagine if someone impressionable and naive enough to believe everything they heard from a chat bot had-” “[Simultaneously] Oh my god, Nikki!”

“I can only hear about "shipping” people’s “bae’s” for so long.“

"Calculations complete. My analysis is…absolutely fucking not! You humans all suck.”

Season 2, Episode 3, Quest to Sleepy Peak Peak

“Get rekt, Mr. Waffles.”

“Actually, we’ll take whatever we can get, preferably we wouldn’t be talking to either of you.”

“[After kicking the ground and supposedly making the Earth shake] Oh no, my anger has manifested!” “Get to a door frame!”

“How do you know so much about it, Gwen?” “Yeah, I thought you had a…liberal arts degree.” “[Sighs] Associates degree.” “Oh, that is so tragic.”

“You coming too, Max?” “Still got those dice?” “Yep!” “[Grabbing the dice and walking away] Nope.”

“You can be the dwarf, because they’re dumb and ugly, just like your face.” “Aww, yeah. That one hurt. But my mom says I’ll grow into my looks.”

“Oh god! It’s chirping menacingly at me!”

“Anyone else want a twenty-sided asskicking?”

“Big deal, so you threw a bunch of dice at some animals. Kind of a dick move, to be honest.”

“This is a level 1 cave at best. There aren’t even any fire-breathing dragons or even a dang ol’ goblin!" 

"Oh, well, I guess that will work.” “[After the volcano starts to shake] IT FUCKING BETTER!”

“[After seeing the lava] Woah! Okay, well, saw the volcano, think it’s time we head back!”

“You’ve angered the mountain, Harrison! Gosh, you suck!” “I do not suck! You’re the sucking one!” “[In background] You both suck!”

“Oh, this is gonna be goood! Neil, are you seeing this?” “[Angrily] I’m going to hit you, Nikki!”

[tumblunni]

Bunni continues to play Richard And Alice! Random thoughts and stuff!

* I’m really not good at point and click advantures, so i dunno if my opinion is very valuable, but this one just seems... not good, gameplay-wise. The sections are all different lengths and difficulty levels in each chapter, and not in a fitting way. Like so far the only one where I had to combine two items was the first chapter, it took me ages to figure out what the game wanted me to do with the bedsheets. And then the second chapter had like zero point and click at all, you just had to find one toy brick and stick it to block one hole, then it was just story cutscenes. And now in chapter three we have a suddenly huge snowfield to explore with your painfully slow walk speed, yet there’s only like one thing you need to find and just... I’m getting surprisingly anxious worrying if I missed something cos i only found that one thing! There was a whole section i didnt explore cos i didnt realise you couldnt go back outside after you managed to open the door. And what was with the misdirect of Alice saying ‘maybe i can reach this window if i have something to stand on’ and then instead she just shot off the lock on the door? Does that mean there were multiple solutions to this puzzle and thats why the place was so huge?

* Anyway, the story continues to be intriguingly good! I continue to be really engaged in poor Alice’s journey through this post apocolyptic snow world with her lil son, and I continue to be really worried what happened to that son, since this is a flashback and Alice met Richard alone... Also I like the continuity that Barney is continuing to talk about the close call they had last time with a monsterous bastard who kidnapped them. This poor lil 7 year old is struggling to keep up and struggling to keep smiling so his mum won’t be sad, and its just SO COLD and he doesnt understand why they left ‘the safe house’ because he doesnt understand they were prisoners there. And god, its so sad cos you can understand how Alice might be getting frustrated with him, and you can understand that she KNOWS she’s being irrational, but she’s just so scared that she sucks at keeping up a brave face for her kid. But I think she’s doing a great job, she’s way more of a badass survivor than anyone else would have been in this situation! And Barney is being incredibly good too, he’s being really patient and obedient to his mum and he’s a really considerate kid, he gave his mum his toy car cos she was getting sad remembering when her husband was alive and they used to ‘go on adventures’. (”But we’re on an adventure now, mummy!”)

* And MAN I am REALLY WORRIED for this poor kid, he’s been showing signs of getting sick as they were travelling the snowy wasteland and I hope they can at least get a break now they’ve found this abandoned house to sleep in. BUT NOPE! Alice finds mysterious scary notes with some sort of log of... people...? It definately doesnt feel like just someone recording visitors or survivors they met, its got a weird sort of... priorities, to what was written down. ‘Fem. caucasian. 20s. Compliant. 65lbs.’ And then what struck me as especially weird was that someone would classify a kid as ‘Female. age 7. 21 lbs’ instead of like.. actually writing that it was a kid. This is someone seeing these people as.. merchandise. You never really get an answer in this chapter but I think it’s someone who was offering survivors fake shelter and then cannibalising them T_T The chapter just ends with Alice finding an ambiguously scary room with a bloodstain, but this is the only shelter they have, so all she can do is lock the door again so her kid doesn’t see, and barricade the front door in case this cannibal cult comes back for their home base... *shudder*

* But also seriously, why did I collect like five other red herring letters as well as the cannibal one? And a rusty saw and ammo for a different gun. Was that JUST red herrings or did I miss an optional puzzle?

* Its actually a weird relief to get back out of the flashback and back to our slightly-less-horrible horrible situation in present times. Sure, Alice and Richard are locked in prison, but in this apocolyptic scenario its a relief to be somewhere where you get daily food and working electricity. There’s even a tv that only sometimes doesnt work! And they have each other, and they’re building up a nice friendship now, and it just feels quite optimistic. Richard’s even getting a bit of a crush on Alice, even though the attempts at flirting between the two of them are failing horribly cos they’re both total goobers. i dunno, if they do get together in the end, I totally wouldnt mind it! I dont think its really necessary though.

* Aww but the more we learn about everyone’s backstory, the more I really wanna hug em! We still dont know very much about Richard, but we’ve learned now that he had an ‘average childhood’, at least, by his definition. And he lived in some sort of small country town, and he joined the army in order to see more of the world. But it went really badly and he got sent to prison for rebelling against a superior officer who made a clearly immoral order. JUSTICE FOR RICHARD, GRARR!! And then Alice continues to be way more well developed and interesting, even though I do still feel sympathetic for richard, yknow. Just a lil frustrated that it took us so long to even hear that lil bit about him, when he’s supposed to be the ‘main character’. Seriously he seems like just a framing device for us to talk to alice and see her flashbacks! Anyway, now we’ve learned that Alice didn’t have much of a childhood, because she was hospitalized for a long time. And she talks about how she felt like a burden and felt suicidal and how she never even got to make any friends til she grew up and became a lil more healthy, and then she sorta ended up in an unplanned pregnancy with the first man she ever dated, and never had a chance to pursue her dream career and just... wow Alice dear god, someone up there in the heavens hates you! God, I hope this game has an actual happy ending, please! And also it makes me EVEN MORE WORRIED about what happened to her kid, now im starting to worry if maybe he inherited her childhood disease and like.. it only first started manifesting during the apocolypse and she wasnt able to find a doctor in time.. or something... MAN THIS GAME IS GIVING ME A MILLION WAYS THIS SWEET BOY COULD DIE

* Oh but one random complaint... much as I care about Barney, he kinda isnt a very well written character. They fall into a lot of super outdated ‘fake movieverse child’ cliches instead of like.. bothering to listen to what actual kids talk like. He’s always using that fake cutesy talk like ‘i made you a waffle but i eated it’. Its rather jarring! ...but still I WILL DEFEND MY VIRTUAL SON FOREVER dont you dare kill him off just because his dialogue is poorly informalized!

* The next chapter is kinda boring, its not really even a chapter but just an intermission to show us some more gameplay and nothing else. Richard and Alice do nothing but have an awkward fetch quest to find enough stuff to make a pole to reach the termostat outside the jail cell, and then after all that it ends up failing anyway. I guess at least we do get a bit of character development cos we get to see them both frustrated and having a bit of an argument, then making up again, and etc. But meh, bring on the next actual plot flashback!

* “Why does Daddy live in the ground?”

* thats it im done this is how bunni is slain fucking hell

* god, I dunno if I made the right choice but I chose to be honest with the kid and try and explain what death is. I got to hear the backstory of how the dad died, so i THINk that was the right choice? It seems he died back when barney was too young to even really know him. It was at the start of the apocolypse and the family was doing semi okay living in a shared shelter with a bunch of other people. But then it was the start of government aid breaking down and society crumbling, and a gang stole the last food ration pack from them and the dad thought he could reason with them. And its just so sad cos Alice is thinking of all the ways it could have been prevented! ‘We’ve gotten used to surviving with less now, what if we’d just let that food go? we could have lasted’ And what if they’d shot first and asked questions later, instead of trying to be diplomatic. And apparantly back then things were a little less abd so there actually was a trader they could have got more food from, but resources were limited so they decided it wasnt worth it at the time. And the after the gang killed the dad and some of the other leaders of the shelter group, it seems like things just collapsed in a power struggle and thats how Alice ended up alone... And you just have this sad sidequest to gather flowers for his grave and then Barney is all ‘i dont really know him and i dont understand so i feel bad that i cant cry’ and then he’s asking if dead people can hear you from down in the ground. And I picked being honest again, and Alice didnt say yes or no, she just admitted that nobody really knows what happens after you die, and you have to choose what you want to believe. So Barney chooses to try and tell his dad about how they’re having a good day playing in the snow on this adventure, and Alice tells him that Barney’s grown up so big and strong, and Barney says ‘Yeah! Strong like a lion! Or you, daddy!’ and BUNNI’S SOUL SHATTERS INTO A MILLION PIECES

* i am gone i am deceased at this deceaseness aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

* And there’s like an optional note you can find that tells the story about some unnamed kid who was living alone with their friend Lucy and they were trying to survive without any adults to help, and its all SCARILY VAGUE and I hope we get to learn more about them later cos it just says how the same gang who killed the dad was just.. ominously circling around the area and Lucy was acting weird and then dissappeared, with a letter saying she chose to leave for [insert name of far away settlement here] but it was really suspicious and the unnamed kid thinks that the gang was threatening lucy and they must have kidnapped her and faked this note and then the diary just ENDS it just ends with the kid talking about how much they love lucy and cant live without her and we dont know if they found her or if she even really was kidnapped?? ITS SO VAGUE! its so vague that honestly im only just assuming the diary writer was a kid too, i mean maybe they were lucy’s parent or sibling or something? or maybe both them and lucy are older? but the way it was written sounded like they were like early high schoolers or something (then again this game is bad at writing kid characters so maybe not) I MOURN FOR YOU, UNNAMED DIARY PERSON AND LUCY OF MYSTERY

* OH GOD DOOM when it went back to modern day, now its got all mysterious and weird and sad too, AAAARRRGH the heroes are still in prison, but the guards have stopped coming to their cell and theyre stuck here scared and worrying and you dont know if the obvious has actually happened... i mean maybe the prison has been abandoned or everyone died and now they’re stuck here locked in their cell and AAAA eventually the cold will start seeping in and kill them too and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

* okay im gonna go get back to playing this game