#it's just me being nuts but also I am in no danger of actually doing anything this is REGULAR

[sebastianshaw]

There are replies I want to get to this weekend but I am also having extreme “I don’t want to be here I want to quit everything Marvel including this blog and go” feels so I might not be around much. Or they might totally pass by tomorrow. It’s a pretty frequent occurrence and I can bounce back and forth from “I just wanna quit” to “I LOVE IT HERE IM NEVER LEAVING” within the same damn day, hence why I don’t post about the former much. It would get very irritating very fast to others, I’m sure, to be reading me going WAH I WANNA DELETE all the time and not doing shit; I know I feel that way when other people do it. And this is of course no small part influenced doubtlessly by the fact I’m on my period and it was rainy today.  tl;dr I am being EXTREMELY MOODY but I know why and I know it’s gonna be transitory like all the other times, so maybe I’ll be around this weekend and maybe I won’t.  In other news, Bean is Bean. I saw her on her wheel. I still haven’t seen her actually RUN on it and I’m not sure she still can, but it makes me happy to see her at least just chilling there because it means she has the will to. Custard’s lump is a bit bigger but she seems alright. Sugar also has a small lump under her arm. For those unaware, rats and mice are EXTREMELY tumor-prone, and female rats in particular are basically living factories for mammary tumors, so while this is not good, it’s not really shocking either. I’ll basically just be monitoring them but at the moment, it doesn’t justify the risk of surgical removal which is quite a gamble with small animals.

[silverwhittlingknife]

OKAY SO i have been rereading dustorange's wonderful post here about Dick in an UtRH-esque scenario where he dies & then comes back to life

AND I HAVE INCOHERENT BRAINSTORMING THOUGHTS:

so first, i think Robin!Dick would be just as hurt by the discovery that Bruce has a new Robin, and brood about it - but i think the shame of having died would stop him from confronting Bruce about it the way Nightwing!Dick does in canon.

and I do NOT think that he would expect Bruce to kill anyone for him (or even be upset that he doesn't? I just don't think this would be a consideration for Dick. he's gonna be fixated on "I failed." so he'll be upset about being replaced but not about the lack of revenge. and if Bruce did take revenge, i think he'd actually feel angry and betrayed about that because it'd feel like the choice was taken away from him, a la how upset he gets when he thinks Bruce has arranged to have Zucco killed - even if he intellectually knows that Bruce wasn't deliberately undermining himbecause he didn't know Dick was gonna come back to life.)

anyway so what WOULD he do??

what comes to mind is something along the lines of "Dick obsessively keeps an eye on Batman & Robin even while telling himself that he's not"

and then - say - if it's Robin!Tim (i feel like this has to be Tim because in the world where Dick dies there is no way that Bruce is voluntarily picking a new Robin), then maybe the moment when Dick steps in is when Bruce is in danger & he's furious / critical of Tim for not protecting Bruce well enough

and i feel like that's how he'd channel the hurt feelings - it'd all be deflected under shame and obligation, and then translated into the anger of "you replaced me & yet you're failing to do the job that you're supposed to do" (which is actually about projection/self-hatred because Dick would actually be mad at himself for having died & not doing that job anymore)

and Dick wouldn't want to see Bruce at all because of the shame over dying & subconscious fear that Bruce doesn't want him back, plus every little thing that Tim does differently would drive him NUTS because it implies that maybe the way Dick did things wasn't good enough for Bruce

i'm actually kind of fascinated by this now. because i am me and i have (1) obsession i am mostly invested in the dick & tim side of it sdfsdfds

so i'm picturing Tim very stung by whatever critical things Dick said to him & tracking this mysterious vigilante down, and then Dick doesn't want to spend ANY time with him BUT he's also subconsciously desperate for news of Bruce!!! so then something something Dick starts sorta training him a la Tim's various contacts with edgy non-batman-aligned vigilantes, and Tim's very defensive about how he IS a good robin so THERE but of course he's also defensive because he's secretly worried he's not good enough.

normally i would have tim Recognize dick since recognizing dick is tim's most basic skill HOWEVER i think it would be much more fun if tim doesn't recognize him so he can give dick a speech about legacy & the first robin: "i do x and such because that's how the first robin did it so it is Objectively Correct." which Dick will find incredibly infuriating but will be unable to counter since he cannot counter with 'the 1st robin was ME'

…hmmm i do think Dick ought to be angry about SOMETHING about batman's methods/attitude just because that's more dynamic? I feel like in order to make the adaptation work, there ought to be SOME kind of argument with Bruce right before he dies that he can still be mad about, a la the garzonas fight for Jason and Bruce. unsure what though?

okay let's see: I feel like Dick's main arguments with Bruce aren't about vigilante issues per se so much as they're about working in a team - so e.g.

1) Bruce being controlling/demanding, and 2) Bruce being secretive and doing stuff behind Dick's back, and 3) Bruce not allowing Dick enough autonomy, 4) just generally a perceived lack of trust.

SO maybe whatever The Frustrating Thing that bruce was doing when dick died is a thing he's STILL doing with this new robin, and dick is getting frustrated all over again sorta on tim's behalf but mostly on his own behalf because he never got to resolve this with bruce

but anyway that way when Bruce finally spots disguised!Dick, then they can have the fight again before Bruce realizes who he is <3

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not wanting to be in my cousin's life? This will be long, I'm sorry

I (f19, but this started at 15) have a rough relationship with my family, I don't have a better word to describe them as besides just not the best towards me. But the real issue now is that I don't want to be involved in my cousin's (f8, but this started at 5) life. This sounds very silly, I know, but let me explain. My cousin is physical in how she expresses herself towards me (she likes to throw things at me and hit me and bite me, and I can't do anything about it because I get in trouble if I do). I have a severe nut allergy and there have been multiple times she's been caught trying to smear peanut butter on me or in my mouth while I slept. She likes to tell me she wishes I'd just eat the peanut butter so she'd never have to see me again. She just hates me, honestly (I'm not sure why, I've never hated the kid, I'm not mean to her, none of us have been able to figure out why and when asked she just says she hates me because she hates me)

The house we lived in contained just me, her, my mother, and my uncle. She is not abused by either adult, before anyone asks, she's actually quite spoiled due to the fact that they can't discipline her in any way without risking her being taken away. And I don't hate her at all, I'm bitter about how she treats me, but I know she's only a little kid. However, I just don't like being treated that way. I recently moved out and I told my mother that I didn't want to be part of my cousin's life until she stopped treating me that way. (Info: My mother thinks she treats me this way because she's a kid so she can't vent her anger out on the adults and I was the only other kid she could vent it out on.) My mother thinks I'm being cruel and punishing my cousin, she says I'll regret this choice and that my cousin will be all I have one day so I shouldn't do this. I've tried to explain that I'm not doing it to punish my cousin, it's just not good for my mental health and I can't be around this behaviour anymore. Other family members and family friends have agreed with my mother, but my friends think my decision is right. Since moving out and not going through that every day, I've started to feel better about myself, my depression isn't as bad and I don't have as much anxiety when I go to sleep. That is kinda swaying my decision to me thinking I'm right for choosing this for myself, but I still worry my mother might be right and I might be ruining my cousin's mental health by leaving.

I want to add that I know I'm way older than her, and some of you might be wondering why I don't stand up to her, but I could never do anything to stop her. I spent many years in foster care due to issues with my family (my mother, specifically), and I know that even the littlest thing where I live can get your kid taken from you. If I even raised my voice at her to tell her to stop and she told someone, she could be taken away from my family and I can't do that to her, I know the horrors of foster care. I also have spent most of my life being abused and don't know how to protect myself or defend myself in situations like these. Please keep this in mind when/if you call me pathetic or stupid, trust me I know I am.

Please, I know a lot of you may think this is silly or dumb or bait, but I need to know aita for not wanting to be in my cousin's life?

Reasons I think I might be NTA: I think my decision is good for both of us and I believe I should put mental health first in this case as it can be dangerous in the future if I don't. I don't want to stay longer and end up hating her, she's just a kid and doesn't deserve to be hated.

Reasons I think I might be TA: This could be seen as punishing her, and she might hate me more for it. She's already started being meaner to other kids now that she can't vent it out on me and I'm an adult so I can take it better than one of her classmates could. She might think her behaviour drove me away and blame herself.

What are these acronyms?

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

Note: For anyone who might be sensitive to SA scenes, warning for episode 9 of Pit Babe. It's not at all graphic, but the emotions are intense.

Awww, Sonic & North are so cute like this. We need more little domestic scenes from them.

Ha, Alan, just admit it!

And I love Charlie's "sure, Jan" face.

Ok, Alan, normally I am 100% on your side, but considering the massive danger everyone is currently in, maybe Jeff not responding is NOT ABOUT YOU!!

Omg, poor Jeff is going to be missing for how many weeks before they figure this out?

Omg, I can't believe I actually gasped at this, I am such an overly invested dork.

But also... is it true? Is he covering for Way? Are they both Enigmas?! I have so many questions!!!

It is Way!!

But Tony does say "left in our home". Are PeteWay going to be an Enigma-squared couple?!

Oh damn, that scene was brutal. Babe not being able to move while the person he's trusted the most for a fucking decade betrays him like that? Horrific.

But they also make it so hard to hate Way, because he's clearly been conditioned by decades of abuse. And Nut is nailing the despair of his character.

How is the omegaverse show making me feel so damn much!?

Oh, poor Alan.

He is going through it. Just admit you want him and go get your boy already so you can stop stressing!

Dude, when even Sonic and North are ahead of you in awareness, that's a huge sign that you need to smarten up.

I am losing it over these two, Alan is so cute & tentative and I love seeing Jeff getting more assertive.

I do not trust Dean.

These two are the sweetest fucking couple.

Big drama next week! But also maybe AlanJeff kicking off?

[iris-sistibly]

I look like shit right now, but hear me out: Episode 12 drove me NUTS!!!

📍For a moment, Hong Hae-in gave me a heart attack. I really thought that she wanted to spare Hyun-woo the heartache of her not being able to recognize him anymore and just went with Eun-seong. My brain cells weren't brain cell-ing, of course she had other reasons...duh. But it is really terrifying that she has moments when she can't recognize what's real and what isn't. I do however love the part when she knew that she was with the real Hyun-woo. In any scene or in any situation they've been, Hyun-woo radiates that kind of warmth that makes Hae-in feel relieved, secured, and loved. That right there is, "The heart recognizes what the mind can't."

📍I forgot to include this in my last post because I was in a hurry to finish it, but I laud Kim Soo Hyun for doing a great job during the final scene of episode 11. You can instantly recognize that something felt off with the way "Hyun-woo" called Hae-in, like I said earlier, the real Baek Hyun-woo radiates so much warmth, meanwhile the fake Hyun-woo was cold and I can say that he made me feel uncomfortable. What an amazing performance KSH!

📍Hyun-woo and Hae-in using their baby's due date as their pass codes just means that they still think about him/her. 🤧 Oh that baby could have been so loved by them had they been given the chance.

📍Eun-seong's delusion is worsening. When he was confessing all of his bullshit to Hae-in, I was like...so what? So what if he fell for her first? If he kept her necklace all these years, if he had "loved" her all this time? The point is, HAE-IN DOESN'T LOVE HIM AND DOESN'T WANT TO BE WITH HIM!

📍All the while, I thought that Eun-seong is a dangerous man. Turns out Mo Seul-hee is far more unhinged than him. You can see in Eun-seong's eyes that he was taken aback when his mother confessed to being the person behind the deaths of the people who abused him as a child. Bitch wasn't kidding when she said that she'd go as far as eliminating Hae-in for using him, and Eun-seong may be dumb but not-so-dumb to not know what Seul-hee is capable of. I still feel like he's going to betray his own mother to save Hae-in by either helping Hyun-woo or helping Hae-in in his own twisted way.

📍BAEKHONG IN THEIR MARRIED COUPLE ERA!!! I love that Hae-in can now freely say what she truly feels about Hyun-woo and the hubs gushing when she said that she'd still marry him in any lifetime.

📍The sunset proposal was the reason why I had to pause because I was bawling my eyes out, I kid you not. Hae-in wanting to be officially Mrs. Hyun-woo again so badly but stopped herself because she knew her condition was worsening and she doesn't want to burden him anymore. She wants to spend the rest of her life with him but it's far from possible, she wants to be the wife Hyun-woo deserves but the future holds no guarantee. She was torn between following what her heart wants and not wanting to rip Hyun-woo apart more than she already has (because of her illness). It was such a heartbreaking scene that's why I was crying so hard.

📍And then, the writer and the director decided to shift the scene to Aunt Beom-ja and (future) new husband, the part when they were looking for (future) new hubby's mother and they were kinda like too close to each other, I was smiling because they looked so cute together so you can imagine that I was smiling from ear to ear with tears still running down my face. Also, I did mention before that Aunt Beom-ja is a more unhinged version of Hae-in, actually...auntie and future new hubby are kinda like the older version of BaekHong, only crazier and more chaotic.

📍Da-hye finally realizing that she sided the wrong people. I'm just glad that she was able to get out safely and return to the Hongs. But I am so proud of Soo-cheol for manning up and defending Da-hye and baby Geon-u, he's really growing up 🥹.

📍But I didn't really expect that Hong Man-dae aka grandpa Hong would make such a huge sacrifice to save his family. He was an idiot for trusting Mo Seul-hee but I never wanted him dead. He didn't even get to see his family before passing (except Hae-in but it wasn't like a happy reunion) which was so fucking tragic. Though, I do hope that Papa Hong would finally have the courage to step-up as the head of the family, he's their pillar now and they need him more than ever.

📍Can we talk about the last clip for a bit? I know the show apparently loves to give us viewers cliffhangers and mind boggling shit but I'm overthinking rn. What if they found nothing in the panic room? Or Yoon Eun-seong found it first? This story is unpredictable, anything could happen, but what I do know is that Hae-in is gonna wear the ring Hyun-woo gave her in the next episode. Iykyk.

📍THE EPILOGUE!!! BaekHong has crossed paths many times already and in those times Hyun-woo has saved Hae-in. They're really meant for each other!!

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

How do you think each member would act/behave during a blowjob? e.g. thrusting, being vocal, putting his hand on your head, etc.

This is wiyllt-specific. (Well, you already knew this is my inbox.) I can't really say for people that don't possess my mouth and excessive amount of practice. I am generally adaptable, but I will always lead. They might have the dick but when it comes to dick-sucking they know nothing (unless????). Still, don't distract me during my tongue rituals! >:)

Of course, this is assuming they want and give me consent to blow them.

Kim Namjoon: Would absolutely respect that I'm a master at work creating art on his dick. XD He'd be moderately vocal. Won't touch or move unless I directed him because he knows the importance of consistent rhythm. I could use advanced tactics on him, so more intense and visceral. He would have the patience and appreciation for a slow, soft suck but also could withstand my full force. Maybe not into back-to-back multiple orgasms. But who knows?! Only one way to find out!

Kim Seokjin: Oh, Seokjin. You're so hot and you would be so scared of me. There's no way I can pull out the demon mouth or psycho tonguework until much later. He would be able to sense the danger even if all I did was smile next to his dick. Welp. Extremely vocal. May get concerned calls from neighbors. Might have to slap his hands away. I'm not going to hurt him but I'm not letting him escape either. Slow and steady and with my tongue at a different pace than my mouth. He's not gonna be sure if he wants that intense of a nut again. XD

Min Yoongi: Okay, he's the master of tongue technology, right? We'll see about that. (Don't take that as a threat, pls.) Would enjoy the full service including the balls. Not that vocal but it'll be no mystery on what he likes and doesn't like. I think he'd really like that I barely use my hands while sucking dick. It's pretty impressive. Might take one of my hands and hold it up while I'm going to town to really drive that point home. I usually go all the way down when they cum but occasionally he puts his hand on the back of my head to keep me there. I think he could withstand stimulation right after orgasm. I'd let him slow thrust into my mouth or slowly lick him up.

Jung Hoseok: There's nervous laughter but Hobi already knows (or thinks he knows) what's in store for him. Pretty vocal. "Wow!" 'Woah!" Can already hear it in his voice hehe. He is not prepared for the rollercoaster my mouth is about to put him though. Def not prepared for all the places I'm licking. He's always making sure my hair is not interfering with my (blow)job. So considerate uwu. Shocked with how neat I can be with it and yet it feels so wet. (I have great saliva control, you're welcome Hobi.) Would be more accepting of a messy blowjob if we were in the shower, tho.

Park Jimin: Probably mildly scared of me. But he's not expecting me to be to be all soft and light-hearted, you know. Actually wants me to be freaky with it, so I won't be disappointing. Soft, delicate moans. I think I could instruct him to slap my tongue with his dick for additional visual. Or do it myself. He'd like that. I'll suck the head at the back of my throat at a different pace than the shaft (the demon mouth huhuhu). He might bring his balls up to smack against my chin while I suck him or direct me to do that for him for all-over sensation. He's so helpful. :)

Kim Taehyung: Definitely showing off the mastery of my tongue just so I can hear his voice. What?! You wanna hear it too; don't lie to me! I think it would be fun to smack my cheek with his dick, but Tae is too polite to endorse that (even though he would get harder, hehe). At first, anyway. He would appreciate an elegant visual that I am happy to provide. Not too embellished. He would prefer a slow descent into lust and madness. Sorry, Taehyung, I'm probably taking your soul in the process. You sound too sexy and look too good for me not to.

Jeon Jungkook: Look. You see this blog. I can't stop myself when under the influence of the biggest boba peepers. We know he's got energy to burn. I'm taking him to the brink. He's gonna want me to not hold back because he believes he can take it. (Foolish bunny.) He'll get addicted to the intensity. Loud. He can muffle himself when he wants to but he won't when it feels too fucking good. I'll grab his hips if he starts involuntarily thrusting. (I'll let any of them fuck my face if the vibes are good but JK strikes me as the least able to control himself hahaha.) We are gonna find out if he can cum multiple times in one session. We need to know. How much can you take, Jungkook? Don't worry, you'll get that and more. ;) When he gives me that angry expression, I'll know the nut was insanely good, hehe.

[realbeijinger]

A semi-coherent rant on climate change, the value of idealism, and a criticism of TGCF (But also not really because I haven’t finished it yet and also I love MXTX…)

I’m in the middle of Book 3 of Tian Guan Ci Fu, and it is legit making me depressed. Like really, unnecessarily sad. I know I should probably wait until the end to write up my thoughts since I don’t know how things will ultimately turn out, but I feel like I need to process. And so, here we go…

First of all, I am sooo Xie Lian. I feel like this story gets me down so much because it hits too close to home. When I was little, I was super idealistic—I used to go around telling people that love was the most important thing in the world, and that civilization was wrong, because we were destroying the environment, and so we should all go back to living in harmony with nature. I was like a crazy, radical five year old, but also somehow mature-sounding and nauseatingly sweet. Grownups loved me and assumed I would grow up to do something big. But… I haven’t really. Instead I am just a normal person and realized that the world is actually super complicated—like I said, sooo Xie Lian. Except I never became a god or saved even one person…    

Anyways, it’s not like I disagree with MXTX’s criticism of blind idealism. She hit the nail on the head—crushingly well. But I guess, like Xie Lian, I am still clinging to that last bit of hope I haven’t let go of yet.

In TGCF and Mo Dao Zu Shi, things are never black and white, and she criticizes those characters who act with a blind sense of righteousness. She believes in nuance. And yet, in our current moment, we are headed toward a climate catastrophe, and it feels like we are all just sitting back, trying to carefully weigh the ideal course of action—the pros and cons, scared of being too rash, too impulsive—while the world burns.

When I first started watching the Untamed (which is where my MXTX journey started), I was initially drawn in by this extremely beautiful man who was willing to sacrifice so much to do what was right. I loved how he refused to compromise with this screwed up society. Because, I am so frustrated with myself for always compromising. For being part of this system that’s horrible and destroying the world and personally doing very little to stop it. And I wanted to be inspired—and for a minute I was by Wei Wuxian.  

And then, of course, it turns out that the real message was the complete opposite of that, and having dogmatic, uncompromising morals is not something to be applauded. In the eyes of MXTX, it’s very dangerous.

And I mean, she’s not wrong. But I can’t help but think maybe we still need heroes like that. I really admire Greta Thunberg who refuses to fly in planes, buy anything new, doesn’t eat meat. Before anyone joined her protests, she was ditching school every day, literally sitting all by herself in front of Swedish parliament with one pathetic-looking sign. I mean that kind of commitment takes HUGE resolve. It has to come from a total sense of self-righteousness, from a complete unwillingness to compromise or back down—a refusal to listen to her parents, or her teachers, or the large numbers of people around her who were definitely telling her she was nuts. I mean, I try to go veg, and my mother-in-law hands me one homemade meat dish and I instantly fold…

In interviews, Greta often talks about how being on the autism spectrum causes her to view the world in very black and white terms—with good and evil being clearly defined. She often refers to the older generation as “evil” for their role in the climate crisis—a word MXTX would probably not approve of. Normally, I don’t think black and white thinking is good. I also believe in nuance. But when it comes to something like climate, it’s incredibly complicated but also incredibly simple. We have to stop burning fossil fuels. We have to do it now. If we want humanity to survive, we don’t have a choice. We gotta pull out all the stops. We can’t hesitate. And if we do, we’ll lose everything. Any drawbacks that may come from us not using fossil fuels are completely outweighed if the climate goes to shit. There’s no real nuance in that. And to get people to make that sort of change, you need passion. You need motivation. You need feeling. Basically, you need blind idealism. We are soooo screwed, and really, blind idealism is all we have left.     

And I want to have that. Part of me wants to get back to that idealism I lost. But like Xie Lian, I don’t know how…

I dunno. There are always reasons not to do anything. Most of us know life is complicated—our limitations are usually way too obvious. But, I think, sometimes we still should take the single log bridge into darkness. And maybe we need some dumb, cliché hero story to give us the motivation to do it…

Of course, saving the world is not easy. Especially when it comes to large scale national or international politics, the situation in Xianle demonstrates very clearly how easy it is to create unintended consequences. Everything is so complex. There are so many factors, so many competing interests to consider. I do not envy political leaders.

But most of us are not political leaders. Most of us are just ordinary people who want to make the world a little better. We have the capacity to be activists, but that’s it. We don’t have the power to make detailed policy decisions anyway. And so, to some extent, I don’t think we need to worry so much about all that. We just have to push politicians in the right direction.

Even at that high leadership level, though, I do think it’s possible to make better choices—ones that create less harm. And I do think we have an obligation to try and find those. I don’t agree with what the State Preceptor said (and what I think MXTX actually believes), that “Assigning fault is meaningless.” To me, that’s akin to giving up on morality altogether.

A lot of this is a matter of perspective. Yes, if you zoom out far enough, assigning fault is meaningless. But then, if you zoom out far enough, everything is meaningless. Everything we love and care about will one day be gone. Our battles for justice, for equality, for the people we love, will all be entirely pointless once our current society goes the way of the Aztecs, once humanity disappears, once the earth gets swallowed by the sun.

Again, if we zoom far enough out, climate change is not really a problem. According to that wise state preceptor, “In this world, fortune—good or bad—is predetermined.” MXTX believes there is only so much good fortune in the world. If we somehow manage to take too much of it, we will eventually pay the price. Balance will be restored.  

Which is exactly what is happening in this era of climate catastrophe. In the past 200 years since the industrial revolution, humanity has taken a lot of fortune. For the first time in history, we don’t worry every day about finding food. We’ve conquered a whole host of deadly diseases, have greatly reduced our need for manual labor, and can spend our days in mental pursuits, making art, or writing self-indulgent essays about Chinese web novels.

All of this, I would argue, is not really because of human ingenuity, but because we happened to find an incredibly powerful energy source—fossil fuels—which have given us the illusion of “human progress.” Let’s remember that this “progress” has only lasted for about 200 years, a small dot on the graph of human existence (300,000 years), and that for most of that time, people viewed history as a cycle, with inevitable ups and downs, rather than a continuous march upward.

In other words, in the past 200 years, we’ve taken too much fortune. But nature will correct the balance. I don’t think climate change will destroy life on earth. Even if the worst happens and humanity bites the dust, other species will most likely persist, evolving into creatures completely new—a rebirth, of sorts. Looking at it from that far-off, disinterested perspective, it’s not really a problem. It’s just what nature does. New species follow each other, one after the next—like passing seasons.

But, even if all this is true, I don’t think we can be so detached. I don’t think we can live our lives believing that morality is pointless, not trying to do the right thing, or not worrying about how our actions affect others. If we approach life with such indifference, what’s to stop us from completely giving up?

One of my favorite TV shows is this old drama called Dead Like Me, where a wise, older character (a state preceptor, of sorts), says to the main character, “If you stand too close to a painting — all you see are patches of color, if you stand too far back, you can't see any of the detail.” In other words, when it comes to life, you need to stand the right distance away. Personally, I think MXTX is standing too far back. It’s true, there is so much we can’t control. Though we may be able to make things better for a bit, we cannot alter the basic cycle of life. Life is suffering. It was true when Buddha said it, and it’s true now. And if we try to “attempt the impossible,” as the Jiang motto says, and radically change that dynamic, we will fail.

But unlike in MXTX’s universe, fate doesn’t really screw us at every turn. Every day there are small victories. I used to do social work, which really was an exercise in the futility of trying to fix deeply rooted problems with insufficient tools, but I still remember those few times when I did do something right: the old man with dementia I got to take his meds, the guy who found his family on Facebook.

Even just writing a stupid email to Biden telling him to stop the drilling… we have to value those actions. We have to be invested. Sure, the universe doesn’t care. But I think we should still care. We can’t just throw up our hands and say the world is fucked. Because if everyone did that, the world really would be fucked. Even more so than it already is.  

Again, I realize I don’t entirely know where she’s going with all this. It’s very possible there’s going to be more to it than just criticizing idealism. Despite all the depressing stuff, I see crumbs of hope in how Hua Cheng loves Xie Lian, and values his attempts to help others. The line, “Although foolish, it is brave,” just floored me. I loved it so much. Honestly, I’d probably be happy if she leaves open any hope for idealism at all.   

But also, I have to prepare myself for the possibility that I will not totally agree with what she has to say. Which should be fine. I mean, in real life, I’m pretty good at interacting with people I fundamentally disagree with. But… in the hands of an author like MXTX, I feel like my emotions are like putty. I’m completely at her mercy. And partially, I don’t want to fight that. I want to give myself to the story, and lose myself in it completely. That’s a great feeling, but also, kind of… vulnerable? And then, when so emotionally invested, to suddenly realize that what the author’s saying bothers me…

Of course, I’ll get over it. I always do. Usually I write meta or fanfic as a way to process—to get out of someone else’s story, out of their head, and back into my own.

Anyways, we’ll see. Don’t tell me what happens!! I am trusting YOU, strangers on the internet!

If that’s not blind idealism, I don’t know what is…

[leynaeithnea]

Who am I to deny you the joy of listing all your favorite lines from the musical? Bestie go nuts bc now I really want to know your favorite lines ( if you want to add the reason why they make you insane I will not be complaining) ( but like , a keysmash for each line is good too )

OKAY so

Ill go through it song by song I guess because thats the easiest way

1. Horse and the Infant

GREAT opening song; amazing; so good, from the set up, references, singing, sound design, music everything

My favorite part in it is when Odysseus tries to bargain with Zeus for Astyanax (totally didnt have to look up the name again) because musically??? And story wise??? Im on phone rn so maybe if we do these types of interactions more often i can go moee into deepth at some other point but for rn ill keep it semi short BUT ITS SO PERFECT (mortius and caspers reactions tend to break down things really well so bascially what they say, most of the time)

2. Just A Man

Tears, i loveeeeeeee Jorges falcetto voice, the desperation when he sings "whos fighting for his life" and then the drop that goes into "but when [...]" etc, it kind of reminds me a bit of the shift of pace in "Wait for It" in Hamilton? Which is def one of my favorite songs in that musical

As well as whe musical design of the men picking up the chorus when Odysseus steps closer to the wall and all eyes are on him and the question of when does a man become a monster, when does the reason become the blame gets echoed...

3. Full Speed Ahead

UNDERRATED SONG

I absolutely loveeeeee the theme of "We're up,we're off and away we go" followed by "full speed aheeeead" ANd agaiIN JORGES VOICE WHEN IN THAT omg its so gooooooddddddddd, also, ody being stern when he talks with eudy and then lighting up the second Polites approaches him, one of my favorite songs

4. Open Arms

We need more Polites.

When i first listened to it the first times I thought Polites was already high on Lotus....well

Also odys "im fine polites" -> huge liar

Does it show that I have a thing for Ody? He is the perfect kind of angsty character that I loveeeeee so deeply, Jorges voice acting in "STAY BACK", and Polites being completly unbothered fjsidksks also lotus winions!!!

A cave!

East; that way

5. Warrior of the Mind

personally actually one of my less favorite songs for some reasons? Probably bc its not angsty enough in this case, but i really love athenas voice in the new remastered versions even more than before. "Hahahahaha" is amazing tho, also I FEEL ROBBED in the new versions you cant confuse "Enlighten me" with "you lied to me" anymore ~yes i totally was convinced its "you lied to me" for weeks~

....this is really long that was only the troy saga oh well

6. Polyphemus

"Theres been a misunderstanding" line; the vocals in that, so good, as well as the threadenung drum sounds and all

Also great sound scape and everything

The "WATCH OUT"

7. Survive

Oh my

I CAN PICK UP THE DANGER MOTIF THERE im so happy that im getting better at this, ive been tone deaf all through high and middle school and it makes me so haopy to actually get better at this now

When the crew joins in with "sixhundred lives at stake" etc its sooo good, I loheee the choir/ensemble parts so much, in this musical and generally THE DELIVERY OF "push foooooooOOORward" omg

...also...rip to pancake boy...i love how w can see/feel in the musical how in shock Odysseus is until Polyphemus passes out

8. Remeber Them

ALSO UNDERRATED probably the only song where i rllyyy prefer the first version and dont like the remastered one as much because i love how it goes from shock and grief to slowly arising anger and determination while still hearing the hurt in his voice, in the new version we go straight into anger, which is fineeee but I always loved the way I imagined it before that

I loveee the chorus lyrics too

And then WHEN ODYS ANGER AND PRIDE AND GRIEF TAKES OVER AND HE DOXXES HIMSELF TO POLYPHEMUS, the delivery of these lines ----- love it so much

9. My Goodbye

Grown to love it even more lately, just because again, i think this is a trend but I love it when Ody is just kind of...suffering x)

The "Hey" is such good voice acting in that moment, its so good, just Ody being hurt and griefing and Athena bring frustrated with human reactions and man such a greattt song

10. Storm

"We're going to shoot for the sky" "What?"

...thats all I have to say for this one

11. Luvk runs out

...all the themes this sets up for thunder saga oml....

also, ody pretending to be fine and confident and all and the second hes alone with eury his fascade drops...he must be so angry that Eury called him out in public haha...ha...

Okay so, my hands are dying from typing but I totally want to finish this for the rest of the series, if you also want the second part of this please send me another ask so I can reply to it! 🙈

Good night for now :3

[california-112]

For the ask game:

If you were a character, who would you be and why?

Very unpopular opinions? Share them here!

Have fun:)

Hi, hello! Thanks for the ask!

This is the list they're from, and I'm still (always!) open to more :)

If you were a character, who would you be and why?

Mulder. Next question...

No, I'll elaborate. For my first reason, I'll quote my own post:

"Imagine. Going through your whole life looking like that." Yeah I can imagine going through my whole life looking like Fox Mulder, it's called gender eurphoria

I spelt euphoria wrong waaah

Apart from the looks, though, he seems to have a pretty cool life. UFO hunting, investigating the supernatural, cool apartment, great partner, fun basement office, action and adventure...of course, there are downsides (missing sister, constant brushes with danger, frequently hunted by the government, paperwork, etc.), but overall it looks very interesting.

However, we're also already not dissimilar. I may not be quite as much of a conspiracy nut as he is (though of course I believe in aliens 🛸), and I'm certainly not about to join the FBI even if the 'uniform' does look hella cool, but we apparently both have issues with sleeping, eating, trust, fire, and obsession/hyperfixation (e.g. Grotesque and his whole search for the Truth), at least. [Let me know if you think my assessment of his character (and/or mine?!) is unfair or wrong; I can't remember exactly what's in canon and what appears more in fanon.]

The most random similarity is that both of us have used the sound of a light aircraft to locate something. In Mulder's case, during S01E15 'Lazarus', it's a sound caught on a recording that helps him find Scully. For me, I was hiking with a group a few years ago and we were mildly lost. However, when I heard a light aeroplane doing spin training, I knew that it could only being doing that over certain areas in our locality, and from the map we had I could work out our location more accurately, the result being that we made it home that evening.

I can also blame Mulder for my new sunflower seed addiction! Thanks a bunch.

Of course, if I were actually to turn up in a TXF episode, it would probably be as background character #3 who has a couple of lines being questioned by Scully whilst Mulder waits moodily in the background, but hey. I want to believe.

Very unpopular opinions? Share them here!

Look, this show may be a new love of mine, but yes, I do already have some potentially unpopular opinions. Buckle in...

I'm not a fan of MSR. You said unpopular! I've really enjoyed the early seasons of the show for the friendship between Mulder and Scully, and I see that as just continuing. Yes, they get closer, how could they not? But I dislike the fact that they (apparently) actually get together in the end and it's canon.

I will add the disclaimer that, yes, I am only up to S05E09 at the moment, and I suppose that the storyline could lead very nicely into it. However, at the moment from what I've seen in content on here like gifsets and edits, I don't think I'll like it, and I prefer the vibe of the show as it now is.

This marries up (!) with my dislike of many of later parts of the mytharc that I'm coming to now. It's probably because I personally prefer monster of the week episodes, but especially the S4 mytharc eps were among my least favourites, and some of them were bordering on a struggle to watch.

Which leads into my general dislike of S4, definitely an unpopular opinion according to the poll that happened recently. I won't go on too much as I've said this in some tags before, but I find it hard to believe that S4 is a favourite season. Yes, there are some good eps! Demons is my favourite of the season and among my top episodes of the show so far, and Tempus Fugit/Max was excellent. But there was also The Field Where I Died, Never Again, Memento Mori, Synchrony, Zero Sum...some of my least favourite episodes so far, that I would probably avoid on a rewatch.

Ok, rant over. Thank you for this ask, it was great fun to think about the answers! :D

[andypantsx3]

I’ve written to you before a very long time ago about things not going very well for me, and things are better now. Thank you for your compassion to a stranger then. It’s given me ideas as someone who also enjoys writing. I’m sure you’ve got variations of this question before so I’m sorry if I’ve missed those somehow but any advice on how to start writing and sharing your writing publicly? Like I created an account to send you this but I have no clue about anything really. Will I seem like a random interloper in the fandom who has arrived out of the blue 😭 I guess my concern is I’ll realize I’m actually not good at writing at all or worse nobody will read any of it. I feel awkward about actively promoting my work too. I don’t want to be famous or anything but it would suck if nobody wanted to read my stuff. You’re something of a stalwart at least for the fandom/genre/pairings you regularly write for and while I won’t aspire to that, how did you deal with self-doubt as an early writer? I know it’s not like I hope to earn money out of this or anything so opinions are just opinions but all my writing feels so personal to me that I’m worried about being convinced nobody cares about what I have to say. How does one really get their start at all. I’m sorry to bother you with all this but I’m super lost. It’s just that if someone’s terrible day or week could be made a little better because of my work, as your work regularly does for people, that would be nice. I hope you’re doing really well and randomly find something you’ve been looking for!

Hello my love!! I'm so happy I could help you out a little when you were in a tough spot!! I am very very happy that things are looking up for you now and I hope things only continue to get better and better!!! 💕

And oh my gosh, I don't think anyone will think of you as an interloper!!! Fandom is a community and the more the merrier imho! The x Reader community in particular is super welcoming and very nonjudgmental and the perfect place to get your start; almost everyone here is super nice and really chill. People will surprise you with how much nicer they are than you expect; I think you should just take a leap of faith and jump in!!

But just in case, let me give you the most realistic and straightforward advice I can. It's easy to dip your toes in and test the waters but I think you will need the below pieces of advice if you plan to battle self-doubt and continue writing & publishing fic without burning out or going nuts in the long term lol.

1. Find balance in the source of your self-worth

With publishing anything online, you always hope that people will like it and will want to engage with it. On tumblr the best measurement we have of that is notes, and on ao3 kudos + comments. Notes/comments/kudos are incredible and will make you feel more cherished than anything in the world. I will always appreciate them more than I can say, but one thing it is essential to know is that they are external sources of validation, and it is extremely dangerous to attach your sense of worth solely to the actions of other people.

If you want to publish fic, you will need to also find some internal sense of worth in your writing. You will need to finely balance that with how much you treasure the feedback of other people in order to stay afloat long term.

I recommend really sitting down and thinking about what you are writing/what you want to write, and why it is worth it to you. What makes your fic interesting to you? What are you doing differently than other people that makes you unique? What does your authorial voice sound like? Answering these questions will help you identify what you are bringing to the table as an author, so you know what it is that you do well, even if people aren't engaging the way you want, or even if you're receiving criticism.

For me, I really find value in the places I diverge from other fic authors. People really love writing powerful hero readers, but I usually write quirkless side characters who have somehow found themselves the main character. Chaptered/long fics are also less common in our fandom than oneshots, but I typically write chaptered fics! And I have a stylistically simple and light voice which is easily accessible.

All of these help me know that I'm bringing some fun distinct stuff to the table, even if what I'm bringing isn't perfect or necessarily as popular. And even if I enjoy other peoples' fics and authorial voices more than my own; I'm still bringing something unique and valuable!! So even when people aren't picking up every single thing I'm putting down, I still know the value of putting them down anyway.

2. Manage expectations

I think it can be easy to compare ourselves with one another, especially if you follow some well-established authors or people writing for super popular characters. Even I succumb to jealousy on occasion; it's just human nature. But it's important to know people will engage with different types of fics in different ways and that other people's success has nothing to do with your own.

I think you should set realistic expectations for how people will engage with your fics depending on what it is that you want to write. Some fandoms are much larger than others and therefore have a wider built-in audience. Some characters are also wildly more popular than others so it is likelier fics for those characters will go a bit further. In my experience, people really gravitate towards smutty scenarios or headcanons, sometimes oneshots, and less so chaptered fic. And some authors have been around for forever, or post constantly so that they are regularly drawing people in, and therefore have a larger reader pool than other authors.

So think about what you are writing, for which characters, and in which fandoms, and level your expectations accordingly. For me, even though Shouto is fairly popular, he also only has roughly 1/3 of Bakugou's level of popularity. So I never try to gauge the success of a Shouto fic in comparison to a Bakugou fic I've written, or even the Bakugou fics of other more established Bakugou writers.

This, combined with my own internal sense of worth as a writer, helps me feel like I'm doing pretty good for myself, even if I get like, 30 notes on a fic compared to someone else's 300 or something.

3. Understand that writing is a growing process!

One other essential tip is to understand that writing is a skill set than can be refined and honed. What you write one day is not indicative of where your skill level will sit the next day. And so critique you receive, or mistakes you have made, are really less indicative of failure and more tools to help you get to the next level.

This is one I've personally struggled with, but it can be worth it to be open to feedback that is not necessarily complimentary, with the caveat that you should know what is objective constructive criticism, and what is more subjective/personal preference. The latter you can disregard, because tailoring a fic to some random person's arbitrary tastes is not going to help you tell a good story lol.

But people telling you what they would like to see more of or things that didn't make sense to them can help you understand where you can make improvements to your writing. And it's not to say your writing is not good enough where it is; only to say there are avenues for you to develop even more experience.

For me, this has largely been in the area of smut lol. I liked my lil vanilla smut scenes, but I used to commonly get a fair amount of feedback wishing they were spicier. And, after initially getting defensive lmao, I could see how that was a common piece of feedback across multiple critiques, and I understood how drawing those scenes out might help contribute to the feeling of intimacy, satisfaction, and closure I want to develop at the end of a fic!!

I think being open to feedback while understanding that critique does not in any way take away from your talent overall, can only help you preserve the satisfaction you have with your writing, and help you refine in the future!! It keeps writing interesting, and keeps your sense of self-worth tied up in the process of writing, not necessarily the product of the writing, if that makes sense.

Anyway that's what I can think of for now. Even with all this advice listed out, I think you should just have hope and trust in people and dive right in. It sounds like you are an earnest person wanting to make heartfelt connections, and in my experience people will reflect that energy right back at you!!

I am sending you all my best vibes and looking forward to reading your stuff, if you end up going for it and posting!!! 💕✨

[emmy-dekarios-bg3]

Heart of the Weave - A Baldurs Gate fanfiction - Part 2

Chapter 11 - Last chapter before part 3

The crickets are singing out underneath the evening sky as Gale and I lie peacefully in our bed. I can feel the lingering of the full moon, absorbing the energy held within it as we are wrapped within each other’s company. He’s holding Jenevelle, keeping her close to him as she stares into the pools of his chocolate eyes. It’s very obvious he doesn’t want to put our baby down, but I can’t blame him since he was gone for awhile.

“Emmy…” Gale’s gaze is intense as our eyes lock with one another. “I’ve loved you since the day I met you, but being gone that long without you confirmed just how much I actually love you. An adventure without my silly, upbeat, adorable, and powerful wife is an adventure I never want to do again.” He gently pats Jenevelle on the back as she lays quietly on his chest, then releases a loud belch. “Oof, that was a loud one.” I chuckle and reach out to hold my husband’s hand that lies on our baby’s back.

“I’m just glad it all worked out and everyone made it back alright. While I enjoyed time with our daughter and having Shadowheart around, it felt empty without you. You defeated those repugnant murderers who would have ended up killing more people than they already did. I’m so sorry you had to end the suffering of that dragonborn, but…she’s at peace now,” I reassure him.

“We didn’t want to kill her. Gods, it was such a heartbreaking decision to make. She…begged for it. She was being used to reproduce, and who knows how frequently she was being used. Multiple times a week? A day? I can’t even fathom.”

“I’m so hoping there will be no more of that terror.” Don’t get me wrong, there will always be evil Bhaal worshippers looking to please their murder lord. However, from what it sounds like, the ones rampaging and using that poor dragonborn are dead and maybe Baldur’s Gate will be restored once more. Gale kisses the side of my head gently, then we both stare at our sleeping daughter who is the least bit bothered, slumbering in peace.

Early morning makes a grand entrance and I notice Gale is heavily asleep, so I quietly tiptoe out of our bed to check on Jenevelle, who is asleep in her crib. What am I to do? Why am I up so early? Why can I not stay asleep? Probably because happiness is overflowing within me. Joy. Peace. I probably shouldn’t get used to this, which is a sad reality, just in case chaos wants to disrupt our lives to the highest degree again.

I open the door leading to the balcony, taking in the exquisite beauty of the dawn. A beautiful topaz yellow aura is ascending into the sky, and I notice waves of light glistening within the ocean waters ahead of me. I hear the singing of birds in the trees, and smell the delectable scent of fruits and vegetables growing from our garden. I head outside to check our mail and notice a letter from Gale’s mother. I pick up the piece of paper, unfolding it to read what it says:

‘My Dearest Gale,

I am so sorry I haven’t written to you in over a month. That’s unacceptable on my part. I hope you and your darling family are continuing to flourish and you aren’t summoning anything too close to my grandbaby. I’m drinking tea with Withers right now and he said you went to destroy the Bhaal cult? Are you nuts?! Son! He also mentioned you are immortal? He’s telling me all of this wild information as I sit here drinking my hibiscus honey tea and writing this letter. I love you, my boy, but danger loves to meet you. Tell Emmy I love her too, and I’d love to see you all sometime soon. I miss my grandbaby. And one last thing, dear: please quit getting into trouble.

Love,

Mother.’

I smile as I fold up the letter and meander quietly into the bedroom, placing the letter on his bedside. However, Gale wakes up and catches me in the act.

“Good morning – wait, you’re up before me?” he asks, tilting his head to the right with a bewildered expression on his face. “Are you alright?”

“I’m perfectly content, my love. I wanted to get up and enjoy the morning sunrise. Here, your mother wrote you a letter.” He smiles enthusiastically as he takes the letter from my hand and opens it up to read the contents within.

“Oh, mother. Sounds like Withers loves to gossip and tell her literally everything. No matter. We will need to arrange a time to see her.”

“Agreed. She is such a joy to have around.” I crawl back in bed for a moment to snuggle Gale amorously, thankful and forever blessed to be with him. Tonight, we are having a get-together with our friends here at the tower. Yes, I love how frequently we get together. Might as well enjoy it while we can, considering our friends – besides Astarion – are mortal. Plus, none of us are opposed to barbecue and a little alcohol…except maybe Halsin. Maybe Lae’zel will show up too.

The rest of the day entails harvesting the garden so we have fresh vegetables for our big dinner tonight, and Gale going over his studies before teaching at Blackstaff tomorrow, which lucky for us being immortal, we can’t get tired, though I’m not sure how our mental capacity will be after drinking a little too much. Me? I plan on at least having two glasses of wine tonight.

After a calm day of pursuing our hobbies and work-related duties, as well as taking care of Jenevelle, it’s finally time for a nice evening with friends. I’m dressed in my comfortable pink jumpsuit and white shoes, feeling casual but it also shows that I at least tried to dress up.

“Are you sure I look acceptable?” Gale asks, observing himself in the mirror and trying to decide if navy blue is his color. I absolutely believe it is.

“It’s a casual gathering with friends, my love. Don’t fret. You look as handsome as ever.” He smiles and gently grabs my hands within his.

“And you…you are breathtaking. More exotic than anything I’ve ever laid eyes on. I’d rather gaze into your eyes than admire the stars in the Astral Planes. The stars and skies will never compare to you.” My cheeks flush a bright crimson as I try to hide my face so he can’t see me blush; after all this time, he still makes me feel this way.

“Geez, I wish I was good with words,” I murmur as I brush my hair out of my face. He chuckles and places his lips on mine, while his hand is under my chin. Gods dammit, I can’t be getting aroused right now, stop it.

“You are perfect the way you are, baby. Now, our friends are almost here. Shall we go downstairs?” I pick up Jenevelle from her playpen, gently bouncing her in my arms as I kiss her on the forehead. Gale put her in a beautiful white dress that was given to us by his mother. “Could I hold her for a moment before Karlach takes her away like she enjoys doing?” I laugh as I hand her to him, realizing that’s more than true. She has a connection with Jenevelle that I adore, which is wonderful; she is auntie Karlach after all. Gale smiles at our daughter as he holds her, her sweet little coos making me smile as well. I absolutely love her so much, but anyone could tell that she’s wrapped around Gale’s finger.

We make our way downstairs to open the front door, noticing our friends have made their arrival for a fun and eventful night, including some we haven’t seen in ages: Cal, Lia, and Rolan.

“Barbecue time? Barbecue time,” Karlach cheers, hopping around from side to side. “Since I play well with fire, I’ll get the grill going.”

“Sorry, my dear friend, I beat you to it. I started it as soon as I arrived, just a hair before you did,” Halsin assures her, and her expression immediately shifts from excitement to disappointment.

“Ugh, fine. Gale, you know what to do.” Gale rolls his eyes and hands Jenevelle over to our eccentric tiefling friend. He then turns to face me and places his hands on my waist, pulling me close to his body. I bite my bottom lip, anticipating for him to kiss me as we stare intimately into each other’s eyes.

“Now you’re all mine,” he whispers, leaning in to kiss me but a loud knock on the door interrupts. “Come in!” To our surprise, Lae’zel and her son show up, and it puts a smile on my face. Before we make contact with her, he plants his lips on my face, filling me up with an erotic fire.

“Well, you’ll be all mine later tonight. For now, I’m going to help Halsin with the food outside,” he adds. I smile as I watch him walk away and head to the living area to converse with our amazing friends.

{find my entire fanfiction pinned on my page!}

[cyclesprefectpress]

hey hoo how's everybody doing. personally, not my best couple of months on record! and regrettably the first thing i drop when i get stressed is. text messages and social media accounts. which is ok but i've been delinquent on the online business management front and i feel i've been quiet here which i am sorry about because i do like talking about printing.

anyway i've got a bunch of WIP stuff piled up that I'm trying to get to! and some new projects i'd really like to finish this month. and i've also been doing a lot of long press feeds & many hours drawing on the light table and you know what this qualifies me to do. rate things on netflix (but ONLY if you aren't watching the screen):

dangerous lies: perfect non-watching watch experience. boy is it dumb but i always knew what was going on and also what was about to happen. the only thing i couldn't resist ogling was their fucking apartment which was SO big and tidily furnished when they're supposed to be barely making it financially. insane. 9/10

hypnotic: unfortunately this one is fun & good & doesn't waste your time with bad dialogue & i kept wanting to look up and pay attention to Kate Siegel's beautiful face which loses it points by this metric. 6/10

the boy next door: can you tell yet that i'm eternally searching for an erotic thriller that will stack up to Fatal Attraction. and failing. the problem is none of em have glenn close in em. this one sucks nuts 4/10

you get me: this is not what the erotic thriller is FOR. i want full adults torpedoing their own households and careers. teens making horny stupid decisions is just tuesday and the soundtrack is quite bad. 3/10

the nest: definitely not for not-watching. nobody is explaining themselves clearly for the audience or each other. it's also not at all scary, which was a surprise, but that's on me for having a one-note watching history and forgetting that dramas exist. 0/10, i sat down and watched it for real a day later and liked it quite a bit

deadly illusions: it's no Chloe but it is some very fun, greasy diner food of a movie. 8/10

the deliverance: hmmmmmmmm………………many people have more important opinions than me on this subject. i'll just say i was having a pretty nice time with some of the performances UNTIL i learned at the end that it was also about real people. so was the original Exorcist, distantly, and the distance sure does fucking help. 2/10

wild things: honestly a little hard to track what's happening without watching, because it's actually good & fun & there's like. real environmental details and mystery clues. good gravy it's crazy how hot Neve Campbell is all the time forever. 5/10, i was compelled to look up from my work table a lot

five star chef: completely bizarre conspicuous consumption experience. it's actually kind of nice not looking at the screen because i think the fullness of the view would make it way more uncomfortable. 7/10

selling sunset: unfortunately an extremely good non-watching show. now in a group i advocate for looking at the despicable houses together and tearing the decor to pieces, but as long as you're alone it is once again an improvement not to actually see the dollars and energy being dunked in the garbage and set on fire all over the curséd county of San Diego. glance up once every 10 minutes to see what they're wearing and you're gucci. 8/10

the perfect couple: a little challenging to follow at first if you're mostly identifying people by voices, but fun! nicole kidman is a delight; idk Eve Hewson from anything else but her character is made of uncooked spaghetti. as a person without Private Island Money i must protest for us, we're not generally this boring about it. 7/10

evil: netflix has been pestering me to watch this show for so long. they were right. it's bad & it scratches the monster of the week itch & the speed with which it simply, linguistically equates psychopath=literally possessed by demons is absolutely wild. i am currently stymied by the episode where they visit a monastery that's taken a vow of silence but someday i'll look up a summary and get past it. 6/10

culinary class wars (dubbed): i hadn't tried reality tv dubbing before and you know what, it's fine!! it does the job. there's absolutely no localization to make the jokes work in english or anything but that's a-ok. i really like the structure of this competition for some reason, and if the very annoying Class Warfare trappings make you uncomfortable like they did for me, be assured, they drop off pretty steeply after the first round and the actual participating chefs are perfectly respectful to each other. 10/10

[rhythmic-idealist]

sorry to be in my honey nut feelios abt jjk without even bothering to catch up on the manga yet, but

and this is for my toge inumaki brethren out there. i just.

at what point do you think this boy started thinking oh damn, maybe i do survive to adulthood

I can pinpoint a point in manga canon where I think he would've actually thought this out loud, but I just realized that this OP can be a relatively manga spoilers free post, so I'm going to go ahead and exclude it. Toge and Yuuta had a conversation that Yuuta concluded by saying "thanks, that'll come in handy" & I think the events of that chapter would be ones that Toge would think this about.

Anyway:

When Yuuta was sent away to Africa I'm sure Toge had all kinds of feelings about that but I have to wonder if one of them was okay. Okay. I can never necessarily hope he's coming back ...I didn't WANT to tangle my feelings about my survival with that, but I have

Like, I don't think Toge has ever approached people via how powerful they are, I think that puts a very bad taste in his mouth. But still, in both his relationships with Gojo and with Yuuta, he's obviously got to be Aware. Which makes me feel all kinds of ways about his relationship with Satoru Gojo (enough breathing room to live. to make friends. Toge Inumaki is one of Satoru's biggest success stories when it comes to Trying To Be A Shield Behind Which Children Can Be Children)

But he knows whether he's equipped to defend himself if the higher ups change their mind on him, and even after Gojo's in his life, the answer is still no

Yuuta rolls into Toge's life as many things, but particularly as someone who's gonna fight for him, next to him.

That's what I think is happening in the mall scene, you know? I think the movie betrays a very real sense of I'm Not Going To Look For Anyone To Save Me.

Yuuta is that for both Toge and Maki, you know? Like, Maki doesn't wind up taking him up on it, but they both have a moment with him where Yuuta is like hey I'd like to throw myself fully behind you (Toge) / your goals (Maki).

And obviously like. like as I said, Toge is already under what protection Satoru Gojo has to offer, but also, I mean, Yuuji dies while under that protection. Satoru is intentionally distant and frankly intentionally offputting in a lot of ways

and Satoru is spread THIN, Satoru is working on a vision for everyone, so. yeah, Toge could land anywhere within that vision, and I think he knows that.

anyway Satoru is spread THIN trying to do something for EVERYONE...

Meanwhile Yuuta rolls up and decides okay, I am in this for Maki and Toge and Panda.

....and. that. might just be okay. that might just be something.

And Toge lets it creep in slow, it keeps surprising him. hope is a dangerous thing because Toge doesn't like crashing, Toge happens to like being happy, and he's figured out how to be pretty okay, within a young expiration date.

(I tend to assume there are ugly politics hanging over Toge's head and he knows. I tend to headcanon that both Toge and the higher ups know that the second they start becoming too afraid of him, they can send him into some fight a little too big for him. He's under Satoru Gojo's protection but Yuuji died under that protection. It's not quite the same arrangement as Yuuji's delayed execution once-he-becomes-a-threat, but only because it's not an execution stated out loud. It's politics. Quiet. He knows he's toeing a line and, as he becomes stronger and improves his technique, probably on a timer.)

(And Toge's relationship with that isn't obedient acceptance, it isn't dying willingly and quietly. But it is that he isn't strong enough to fight that once it comes knocking. And No One Is Going To Fight For Me, not fight for me and win.)

But it is creeping in, his awareness that Yuuta is in it beside him - that if one day there is a fight too big for Toge, he just has to turn to one side and ask.

It would be an overstatement to say he starts planning to live longer but. he's only human. feelings sneak in. and then they send Yuuta overseas.

and I think Toge very quickly goes ok I can't assume he's actually coming back

and I have to imagine Toge gets kind of weird about it around the other two as he figures out how to try to have the feelings he is supposed to be having (I miss my friend) and privately, privately deal with the other feelings he is having (crashing hopelessness at my circumstances, at how I need to just go "never mind never mind never mind" over something I had a goddamn right to hope for)

[sovawife]

tell the class all your favorite parts about sova maybe? like what made you really fall for him and all of that!

ok this also might get long i am sorry. thank u for the ask tho its nice to hvae smth to do. either way uhh lets get started

ok so i might have mentioned this but i had a small crush on him a few years ago? i think since like 2022. back then i shipped with cypher and was super fixated on him but i think sova was always in the back of my brain as a crush, although at the time i only had him as a platonic. also cuz one of my good friends who doesnt anymore used to ship with him so i didnt wanna overstep or anything.

anyways im not even sure how i suddenly decided to latch onto him, i think my fixation on yone at the time was starting to fade and my brain just randomly chose to fixate on him even tho he was still a crush at the back of my brain lol. and look where we are now/lh

as for what i like abt him, i think one of the biggest things i like is how polite he is/kind to others. i think thats like a rlly important trait in someone for me if i were like to date someone else and hes just rlly nice in general and very lovely, hes such a big sweetheart :)

also ok im gonna sound crazy here but my friends keep saying im a circle bcuz he rlly fits one of my types which is like the holy trinity of yone vergil and wyll. who are all like, responsible, serious, yet like kind and deeply caring. and sova definitely fits into that archetype haha even though hes not exactly the same?? most of those guys arent exactly the same but theres a huge overlap of similarity with them.

i do also think he is very pretty even tho he is unfortunately white/lh :') (or at least i smacked this guy with the asian beam. get wasian'd) idk i suck at explaining exactly why i like this guy, again i think a big part of it is how kind he is to others!! its again just smth i rlly value in a partner, he genuinely cares about others/esp people hes close to like his grandma. and is very thoughtful. also i like that hes super down to earth and humble like this guy is incredibly talented yet never brags about it at all hes just very modest. smug people drive me nuts so im glad hes not like that lol. he also is very passionate abt his interests like archery and also he does photography! i like to think he also does things like hiking, birdwatching and maybe some gardening in his spare time. idk its a shame we dont get too too much info about val characters although the lore is always constantly growing. i do think he does like lots of outdoorsy hobbies hes very respectful to and attuned with nature i think.

sorry this is getting so long omg. im trying to think of any last things to throw in... i think another thing i rlly love abt him is how calm he is. it kinda balances me out bcuz i tend to be a really hotheaded person but it takes a LOT for him to get bothered by something, or at least lose his temper. in the lore we've never really seen him lose his temper or anything like that? the closest it's gotten is that one image when they were releasing fade where it was like a flashback to him losing his eye and he looked super animalistic. actually i think that in general for him to get that mad or whatever it would probably have to involve one of his loved ones being in danger. which is nice bcuz it shows that he rlly cares.

anyways this is getting so long so i will cut it short but i love my wife <3

[m34gs]

Please tell me what sort of Saw trap each house warden in Twisted Wonderland would design if they were the mastermind in a Saw movie.

Hello friend! Well, this is a fun ask! I am actually very excited to get into this, ahahaha. You have no idea how eager I got when I read this ask. I literally went "AHA" and started grinning. I'm going to write each scenario out as if the Housewarden is a Jigsaw Apprentice, and I might even take it a little further and describe what kind of apprentice they would be.

I'm putting a cut, both for length and because these will get a bit graphic. Please see the tags for trigger/content warnings.

Riddle - Riddle is the Rule Boy, By the Book, Stick to the Pattern. The one who adamantly protests every time to the other Saw masterminds "It's not a trap, it's a TEST".

Because of this, Riddle's tests are not overly imaginative, but they get the job done. I think, due to the nature of his signature spell, Riddle would lean toward decapitation being the end result in his traps. It's easy, effective, and doesn't prolong suffering. I like to think he's not one to wish others to suffer. Indeed, if he was a Jigsaw Apprentice, he'd be the one to parrot John Kramer the most about learning to love and cherish the life you have and atoning for past mistakes.

The rules for Riddle's test would be simple. "Find the key to unlock your chains in a certain amount of time, or a saw will cut your head off". Of course, the tricky part is getting the key. No one escapes a Saw trap without some kind of mark, be it visible or invisible. The placement of the key I will leave up to the imagination, as it will have to be specific to the individual in the trap or it will mean nothing. (Keep in mind, canon placements have been: at the other end of the room needing a mad dash that puts co-victims in danger to get to it, in the stomach of a heavily sedated companion in the trap, surgically implanted inside the victim's own eye...etc.). If the victim survives, they are off the hook. Riddle wouldn't dare mess up that part of the game. If they die, he follows John's example and dutifully cuts a puzzle piece out of their flesh, the symbol of that person's "missing piece" that prevented them from winning the game(this is also how Jigsaw got his name).

Leona - Leona can do the job, he understands the assignment. He thinks John's a bit nuts, though. He's another one where there's not a whole lot of imagination involved; he designs the trap to get the job done, makes sure it meets the requirements (because he will not be given a bad grade on Jigsaw Traps, something apparently possible to achieve and normal to worry about?...), but it won't be overly complex, and he makes Ruggie and Jack do the muscle-work for him. Don't worry, he pays them well.

Leona's traps will probably involve some test of strength (keeping in mind the different physical capabilities of individuals, of course). I'm thinking something like a low tunnel filled with various-sized shards of broken glass the person has to crawl through to get to the exit, or climbing through a vent connected to an oven that is on max. heat to get out. Something like that, of course tweaked for the individual.

He makes Ruggie cut the puzzle piece. Ruggie doesn't mess around when it comes to his finances. He cuts every piece perfectly.

Azul - Let's be real, Azul doesn't mind suffering...as long as it's not his own. His traps are always complex, and he sees each new victim as a chance to one-up himself. And it's no problem getting his victims; Jade and Floyd help with that.

I think most of Azul's traps will involve the victim inflicting pain on themselves on purpose. Not just doing things that result in pain (such as crawl over glass) but actively cause themselves harm; probably ripping their own molars out or cutting off a limb, or something, and dropping it in a bin/chute to trigger the exit to open.

Jade and Floyd help with set-up...but Floyd is Not allowed to cut the puzzle pieces afterward. For obvious reasons.

Kalim - In order for Kalim to be an apprentice, he would need to have something awful and drastic happen to someone close to him that pushes him over the edge. When it comes to it, he sees the traps as a job, a duty. It's not something he enjoys and he always observes with a tired distaste but, because of whatever trauma pushed him into this life, he believes it's necessary.

He can't stand the sight of blood and brutality. Nor does he want to know they're dying a slow death. His victim is hooked up to a syringe pump, hands restrained, and they need to figure out the code to turn off the pump before time runs out (probably voice password or something; definitely based on important memories related to the reason they are in the trap, which is hinted at in the tape) or the syringe will rapidly infuse a lethal dose of potassium into their veins and they will go into cardiac arrest.

Jamil has to cut the puzzle piece because Kalim cannot stomach it.

Vil - Vil, like Kalim, needs to be of the mind that what he's doing is necessary, even if he doesn't like it. He has to believe that people need him to teach them in this way, or he won't be able to stomach it.

He also doesn't want a bloodbath; that's not his style. Vil would rather use poison. Poison for his victims, already injected/ingested, with an antidote they have to get...probably behind a locked door needing a combination password. But, in order to get the code, they will have to face what they've done and figure out what the code is, very similar to Kalim's style. However, unlike Kalim's, if the victim gives the wrong code the door will seal shut forever and the victim will be doomed. They need to get it right and they need to be certain.

Vil may request Rook's assistance with making sure people are brought in and the trap set up properly, but he cuts the puzzle piece himself. He believes it's his role, and he refuses to put that onto anyone else. It disgusts him, but he treats it like his cross to bear for the acts he is committing, because a part of him still feels uneasy about all of this and he hates looking at himself in the mirror some days.

Idia - Idia is so removed from the front lines of the traps, he's actually quite desensitized to the violence. He treats it a bit like his video games and he does try out a variety of different traps, each one extremely individualized. He's got all the info on his victims; every single trace of them online, their social security number, their bank statements, anything and everything that can be accessed via computer is his. He knows them inside and out. Every trap is an attempt to be more unique and "entertaining" than the last. It's questionable if he's even in it for the "righteousness" that John preaches, or if he got bored and decided this was an interesting way to pass the time.

All his traps are set up to run completely independently, and all are under video surveillance. I think Idia would get to the point that there's not enough moving parts for him if there's only one victim in the trap, so he starts doing bigger traps, with groups of people, where it's a challenge to try and predict how they all will react, how they would push each other's boundaries and if they would try to see the hints laid out for them or if they would misinterpret it (for anyone who's seen Jigsaw, think about the gun scene with the keys at the end. That kind of a hint. Idia would like to see who gets it). So, yeah, Idia probably builds a maze-trap with multiple little traps within it that the victims have to go through to get out.

While he hasn't yet created something that can cut the puzzle piece and deliver it to him, he has developed a little punch that he can bring to punch out the piece of the victim's flesh should they fail. It's the only time he's on-site after the trap has been set. (Ortho refused to do that part because the dead bodies made him sad.)

Malleus - Malleus believes he is helping people, and he's curious to see how far a person would go to save their own life. He thinks it's his job to bring out the worst and the best in the person in his trap to help them be better than they are now. He's not beyond pushing buttons and upping antes; he sees it as doing what he can to help someone value their life and overcome their own shortcomings.

A trap from Malleus is probably going to involve some form of self-mutilation, giving enough flesh or giving enough blood, but also some emotional pressure. He will bring their families into the traps; likely remotely so as not to harm the innocent, but to use as leverage to make someone push themselves more. He wants them to succeed. But he will not go easy on them. In order to succeed, they need to pull on their own inner strength.

He cuts the puzzle piece himself, but he's always sad when he has to. He feels less that the person has failed and more that he has failed to help them bring out their better self.

Thank you again for the ask, friend! I hope I answered to your satisfaction :D If you have any questions or comments to add, please let me know, I am always happy to expand on these kinds of things!

[terrahlee-cup]

Here have another @raphaelesbian

Chapter 8

“I’m in.” This… is going to go sideways isn’t it. What they were doing before was  dangerous, but this is *really* dangerous. If they get caught the brain worms are right there. Not to mention the possibility of one of them freezing because, y’know, ✨trauma✨

“When did ‘they’ stop being him and his brothers?” That would be the trauma they don’t have! :D Your brothers are out of their depth, bud, Karai has a bit of an advantage in being helpful even if she’s being a bad influence at the same time lol.

On one hand I don’t really like him using the tekkō-kagi, but the backup weapon is probably a good idea… this is going to go poorly.

Leo caught him immediately a good sign for how this night’s gonna go! Casey to the rescue once again. Honestly wish he told Casey where he was really going. No-one knowing where he actually is will be a problem if they need to get to him quickly. Fucking hell he left the tracker that’s worse.

“What an idiot.” PLEASE don’t get over-confident you two. Hi Xever? I guess? Not who I expected honestly. Them escaping relatively okay was not expected, but yay!

They fully just decked each other and moved on huh. That fits yeah lol. Also we’re getting to Shinigami nice. I am so ready for these three being absolutely nuts.

Once again Casey is the best. Gonna be messy when Raph’s family finds out what he’s been doing though, hoo boy.

Nine :D

Leo was so worried oh no- he’s going to be so mad when he finds out what actually happened 😭

Ohp there’s the self-deprecating. This kid I swear. Like— should you be lying to your family about what you’re doing? No. Are you an awful person? ALSO NO.

Not the headache as soon as he gets up AUGH THOSE SUCK. 

Shinigami jump-scare! She has arrived. SIMLISH WHEEZE- and she’s been flipped off within five minutes this is going to be great lol.

The back and forth sass increases oh my word these three are so fun. “Edgy-ass name, there was no way she didn’t pick it out herself.” Please-

Aaaaand they’re drawing on the Purple Dragons’ faces they are having way too much fun with this lmao. “Well, not much point in leaving any behind, is there?” Oh they’re going to burn the money aren’t they. Or just the entire building apparently. Nice.

“Man he loved fire.” Of course he does 😆

“I will just have to pick things out for you!” AW THEY’RE ADORABLE. “Please don’t” … “Mm, no, I will.” ADORABLEEEE-

“I live in a sewer.” … “Well, I suppose it could be worse.” *head in hands* Mhm yeah it could.

Chapter 10

“Rafa-tan!” You know how I kept calling them adorable during the last chapter? Well once again: THAT’S ADORABLE

“But you’re just so cute!” SHE GETS IT. I want to dangle test him. Like a cat.

HAHAHA SHINIGAMI WANTS TO DRESS HIM UP YES THIS IS GREAT. Raph don’t even bother trying to stop her it’s not going to work lol.

“What did she think he was, a clown?” I mean… also, if he never gives her ideas I need her to stick him in the brightest fucking outfit possible. 

The friendship bracelets are here!!! But first gotta annoy the big sister lol. Aw he likes it that’s so cute I’m- THEM <3

*gestures vaguely at the fight scene* All of the banter during this. Just yes.

“What, that’s the only reason? I’ve given you so much material, here.” RAPH NO. Also his brothers being so worried is fair, and I can’t exactly say they shouldn’t be? Just not for the reasons they think. The immediate realization of why Shinigami thought his accent was funny nice. That slipping into Japanese on accident is going to be very noticeable if he keeps doing it hoo boy.

Oh that ‘need to move’ feeling is not fun jeez. Me poor boy.