#it's just hard sometimes
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Ramble on.
Being an online (OC) artist just sucks so much these days haha. It's just no fun anymore. I won't stop doing what I love doing and I like interacting with my little bubble but honestly... it's tedious, sometimes I really DO wonder how I have not given up yet.
#I also feel that pouring our hearts out always has to come with disclaimers these days!?#because people are so quick to yell at you that no one owes you any attention#we know#validation is still nice and it's just very human to crave it#I don't even know what I want to say tbh#it's just hard sometimes#I'm currently in another rut#they come more often and last longer#it's something that happens but the very little engagement we get isn't exactly helping with that#uuuggghhh don't mind me#I'm just rambling#I'll get back to drawing eventually#but right now I wanna wallow a bit
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It's sometimes hard to accept that i need more breaks and am quicker burned out than people without mental disorders, sometimes i just feel like a failure
#Tw#Personal#Ok to reblog#I need to be kind to myself#I'm trying#I'm also trying to give myself these breaks if i need them#It's just hard sometimes
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currently trying to romanticise finding a job by imagining myself in a coming of age movie as a young, stylish albeit messy woman trying to make it in a big city, smelling adventure and novelty with every job posting that i see, whilst also elegantly ignoring the fact that 90% of those jobs will suck, and that inflation makes everything so expensive that i am considering cutting down on food because i am scared that i’ll run out of savings, and that being an adult sometimes just really sucks in the current, unstable world
#adulting#though i also did find some genuinely interesting job postings so i am cautiously optimistic that i might find something i'll really enjoy#still prefer being an adult#it's just hard sometimes#shouldn't have quit before i found something new#but my last job sucked so hard that i still don't regret it
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she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.
my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.
my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.
my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.
at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.
my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.
i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.
two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.
it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.
#writeblr#wlw#i often think about like.....#being happy in a gay relationship is sometimes so odd#bc u can forget how stupid ppl are.#bc ur so USED to being gay. and u forget other people GENUINELY ARE homophobic#so it's like. girl pardon?????#but also there are moments where it's like. ohhh the kids are alright#like watching someone razz someone else.... so fucking wholesome#“lemme get this bitche's pronouns before i make gentle fun of them” .... i would have KILLED for that.#THAT is how u know ur accepted#not just tolerated#..... when ppl are like. sure ur nonbinary congrats but WHAT is this fucking sunscreen application#ps idk if "razz'' is a real word but someone asked what it means -#i've always heard it as being a term for 'gentle & friendly teasing'' which like#i personally notice more from my guy friends but is like - when a person isn't#LIKE ACTUALLY teasing u (it's nothing personal/mean) they're just laughing w/you about something#my friends often put on a little voice and call me an anemic little bitch#like 'ooooo the anemic little bitch is cold??? does she need a mouse blanket#bc she's SOOOO SMALL AND ANEMIC???''#and it doesn't hurt my feelings (it makes me laugh very hard) bc 1. i actually called MYSELF that first#and 2. i'm not sensitive about it!!!#a proper razz is when you are ALSO in on the joke - i ALSO think it's funny#for some people i personally find that when they razz u it's when they love u -#they've noticed something genuine about u and love u enough that u know they're not being mean#this is cultural and personality based of course but i'm hispanic#if someone isn't making fun of me it means they hate me . obviously.
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endless night
#animal art#animal comic#penguin art#comic art#artists on tumblr#just a comic about emperor penguins#(they are emperor penguins but yellow didn’t go with the colour scheme loool)#(i tried to make it work just trust me lol)#i keep forgetting to upload here woops#sometimes i don’t wanna draw anthros#i’ve been wanting to experiment again#i have a couple pieces planned#but i also wanna do more horror#rlyyyyy hard to decide lmaoooo
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The second you start talking about some mysterious "they" that are controlling society in some fashion, you are engaging in dangerous conspiratorial thinking even if you're being woke about it. "They" did not institute the 40 hour work week specifically so you would be too tired to revolt. "They" did not invent the sleek minimalist aesthetic in order to crush the spirit of art in the common people. "They" are not pushing mediocre media into the mainstream in order to poison people's critical thinking skills.
Your best case scenario after that is you talk to someone who actually knows what the fuck they're talking about and you get embarrassed because you can't answer basic questions about your own ideology because you never learned anything past "the ruling class/capitalists/politicians are making things bad and if we got rid of them the bad things would all go away!"
Your worst case scenario is obviously the woo-to-fascist pipeline and you end up believing Jews are poisoning American food supplies with GMOs in order to turn us all into beta cucks, so like . . . maybe just stop blaming "them" before you fall down that route.
Obligatory round of disclaimers: Yes, sometimes people do bad things. Be specific about exactly who is doing what instead of ascribing it to some vague group of shadowy elites. Yes, sometimes things in society are bad. Learn to identify the root causes of complex social issues instead of assuming that they're actually extremely simple to fix and we're just not doing it because of some vague group of shadowy elites. Yes, minimalism isn't for everyone. Learn that some people don't share your tastes and get the fuck over it for the love of god.
#surprise! this was actually just my way of complaining that that 'classical tutor' post is going around again#complaining about the degeneracy of modern society because our cars aren't colorful enough or whatever#what if i told you that sometimes societal tastes and customs change naturally over time#and not because of targeted interference from vague groups of shadowy elites#anyway! be specific in your words and actually work to understand the underlying causes of things#and above all else understand that sometimes people just like things that you don't like#and that's not a conspiracy. it's not even hard to understand. like come on people#skepticism umbrella
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louis + cruelty
#iwtvedit#iwtv#interview with the vampire#louis de pointe du lac#grace du pointe du lac#lestat de lioncourt#claudia#armand#daniel molloy#I WANT TO BE CLEAR THAT THIS GIFSET IS COMING FROM A PLACE OF DEEP LOVE. i love that louis has a little vicious streak.#that sometimes he goes for the lowest possible blow. it's an excellent character detail.#especially since he usually works so hard not to do harm and to be the best person he can. it makes him so much more realistic.#when he's backed into a corner he goes for the throat and i think that's an incredible facet to him.#i support his wrongs etc etc.#if i see people using this as a jumping off point to hate on louis i will probably just start blocking people tbh.#this is not an invitation to reduce him as a character to JUST this#i simply like it when he lets loose.
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just had an absolutely horrible work day I'm gonna go cry and then write some yukierre porn
#I feel like I'm gonna throw up 😭#I love my job I love my job I love my job I love my job#It's just hard sometimes#I decided I can have a little Tumblr. As a treat.
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The REAL lore from the FNAF survival logbook,,
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf fanart#michael afton#fnaf cassidy#david afton#evan afton#fredbear#fnaf survival logbook#fnaf 3#It’s crazy what the logbook like describes to us#cause it’s Michael Cassidy and David all communicating in that book#obviously in different ways David having the most hard time#Michael does respond to Cassidy sometimes though#the ‘do you have dreams?’ question Michael draws out nightmare Fredbear#so he SEES her messages and is responding through art#I just think that’s neat and this comic is a semi show off of that 💜
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I'm haunted by an instagram comment that said that everyone who only vacuums every three days lost control over their life... like maybe I never had a grip but this feels insane to me
#I can't be the only one who never learned to clean regularly#it's not even a mental health thing#It's just hard sometimes#how do people take the time to vacuum everyday???
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You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side
#m/cc#mine#I tried extremely hard to word this nicely because I KNOW people don't mean bad and often even know there are unique challenges#and believe me I know the challenges of invisible disability too!!#I have invisible disabilities!#but as someone who has also been at least visibly 'off' since they were 10 I am SO SICK of invisible disabilities being hailed as like#a unique extra oppression that us lucky visibly disabled people don't have to deal with#there are challenges to invisible disabilities that visibly disabled people DON'T have to deal with!#but you need to understand that *the reverse is also true*#there are MASSIVE benefits to being able to lie about your disability for example#or not dealing with the overt ableism that comes with your disability being obvious to everyone#*I do not have the option to pretend I'm not disabled.* that is never an option I have#I walk weirdly. I use a mobility aid now. my speech and face are 'off.' I lean to one side#for a long time I wore sunglasses 24/7 and often didn't make sense. I sometimes can't speak or won't react to others#for the most part people will always know that at the very least something is wrong with me#and more obviously I have people telling me they'll pray for me; telling me I can't do things I'm already in the process of doing;#wanting to shake my hand to tell me I'm an inspiration for not killing myself; giving me dirty looks for existing in public#and yes. I'm aware that this is very much an in-community issue. I know the average abled person doesn't know invisible disabilities exist#that's why there's so much awareness happening for it#but as a visibly disabled person I get SO TIRED of constantly hearing 'I wish my disability was visible :'('#it's just 'I wish I had your disability!' but from other disabled people
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mask off.
early access + nsfw on patreon
#back to the present!#the most important takeaway from this is clearly that the sound of music is canon.#also because i feel like its hard to convey tone sometimes#ghost's being sarcastic when he says “you play favourites”#just poking fun at price so he can “regain ground” in their verbal sparring match#simon ghost riley#captain john price#monster 141 au#giragi art
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corvidae
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuji itadori#itadori yuuji#blood/#yuuji#im not tagging this as spoilers idc sue me . iykyk but i dont think it's obvious enough at all 2 warrant the tag#idrk what this is sorry ive been having a hard time drawing n feeling inspired lately :'>>> so it goes#i find i tend to default to drawing birds when that happens ???#did it with gojo did it with shiro and now it's yuuji's turn ig#sometimes it's helpful to just . mess around with a whole bunch of brushes until something looks ok#and birds and feathers lean soooo well 2 playing around w brushes theyre very forgiving#flowers also kind of so i threw in some camellias bc i figured why not add More Red#i think they mean something that's probably relevant but i was more looking fr the shape of the petals#th rounded tops blend rly seamlessly with the way i rendered th feathers so i am like!!!! nice#just checked also apparently red camellias just mean love and devotion lmao should have guessed#'perishing with grace' also hm hm hm that's kind of wild with th crows#anyway i didn't put too much thought in2 this one so i won't talk fr ages about the symbolism it's all pretty much right there#anyway ty fr being patient with me im sorry draws have been slow :<#ill come out of it ill bounce back!
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imagine percy swimming to the bottom of the ocean. not to save a group of sea creatures. not to show off his skillset. and not to prance around as the sea god's favorite son. but to join the ocean in all that it is. laying in the soft sand and watching the fish swim by. the lobsters making space for him as he rests his head against a patch of seaweed. him laughing at the irony. imagine percy making small talk with all the different sea creatures and assigning them names. him actually running into a whale he named phillip who's on his way to propose to his boyfriend. and percy wishing him good luck and offering his blessing on their union. imagine percy making small talk with the starfish about his favorite dinosaur. and explaining to the collective group what a dinosaur is and why they don't need to worry about them reaching the bottom of the ocean. just. percy immersiving himself in all that's aquatic because it's where he can be his most self.
#and it's not that camp half-blood doesn't give him that sense of community#it's just hard to feel a part of something when the other half of you calls out to the sea and you're stuck on land#sometimes he goes down there and collects trinkets for his friends and family#they call him the modern age ariel and he cringes at the idea of being his brothers son#but he continues to give them gifts because he wants to share who he is with the people he cares about#just imagine percy behaving like he's the son of poseidon in the truest form#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo text post#pjo#pjo headcanon#percy jackson#percy jackson is the son of poseidon#the son of poseidon
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How much longer 'til your luck runs out?
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#jiang cheng#wei wuxian#Aaargh...I have so many thoughts about this scene.#This is a hard goodbye. I'm not your burden to bear. Not anymore.#This is the culmination of years of miscommunication. There was so much love there. They trusted each other with everything once.#I think it is easy to hear the anger in JC's voice and consider him the aggressor in this but listen to the words not the tone.#It is anger yes - but it is an anger born out of love.#Jiang Cheng wanted him to live - damn the rest of the world to hell if that's what it took. And Wei Wuxian chose strangers over him.#Sometimes two people who once flourished together become each other's worst wounds.#A goodbye to someone you once would have done anything for is a wound you don't easily recover from.#Jiang Cheng could have stood at Wei Wuxian's side and joined him. Consider though; as a sect leader his life is not his own anymore.#JC cannot just abandon the fledgling New Yunmeng Jiang without also dooming people.#And that is the lynch pin of it all. Both of them are trapped by duty. And the older they got the more tangled the web became.#The song I linked (Hi Epic fans) is such a good JC and WWX song that doesn't fit this scene exactly#But it does fit *them*. The words of warning that go dismissed. The Tactical Genius who continues to press on.#The seeds of doubt that grow louder until they creep towards mutiny. Ultimatly this *is* a mutiny! It *is* betrayal!#'You rely on wit and people die by it'. Is that not Wei Wuxian?#Just smashing my brainworms together over here. Don't mind me.
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this moment has had me in a chokehold for hours
#you can see his accent so clearly#sometimes he's too british even for my british ass#by the way i tried so hard to get a good quality video of this but i just couldn’t#my gifs#oliver stark#911#family feud
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