#it's just for you ryu bc i love you

[kravicle]

um hello to dgs and asoryu fans. i wrote something. okay. goodbye

[jsvausvqbd]

Bae Seok Ryu and Song Hyeon Jun

Truthfully, the circumstances just weren’t in their favor, regardless of how much they loved each other and dreamed of a future together. They were faced with a huge obstacle in the form of stomach cancer, for which Hyeon Jun fully committed to being Seok ryu's caretaker, taking a sick leave from work and even putting his whole life on hold for Seok Ryu, because he loved her and wanted to be there by her side. However, Seok ryu's decision to not tell her family and close friends meant leaving Hyeon Jun- who respected her decision and even after they broke up, kept her illness hidden from her family- as her sole caretaker and support system, which was bound to take a toll on him as well sooner or later.

After her treatment ended, they were yet faced with another huge blow in the form of depression -none of which are Seok ryu's fault by the way. But once again Hyeon Jun was left as her sole source of support. Now, I'm not saying that one's partner isn't supposed to be there (I mean, "in sickness and in health", right?), but it's clear that it was too much for him at this point. This reminded me of a cancer research conference I attended years ago, where one of the discussed topics was caretaker burnout and the importance of respite for them, both the sick person and those around them are greatly affected both physically and mentally, and that's what we saw in the episode; Two exhausted people who, despite loving each other, just couldn't bear with how exhausted they were and Hyeon Jun ended up snapping. Does this mean he's a shitty person? No, we saw him be by Seok ryu's side through thick and thin, but at last he was tired and snapped in a moment of desperation. This sadly just means they just weren't what the other needed at the moment anymore, and this is a very realistic portrayal of relationships where there isn't respite nor a proper support system.

I do think he loves her and feels guilty for being so burnt out, but sadly she's ready to move on and that's all that's left for him to do now. Move on.

This sets up a huge challenge for Seung hyo tho, how do you get through her walls when she’s seen first hand what can happen to a relationship when faced with adversities? She said it herself, she’ll be constantly on the lookout for her cancer possibly coming back or even spreading. How can he convince her that he won’t burn out? How can you convince someone who knows firsthand that sometimes love is not enough? Good luck Charlie!

[kazuma-nyasogi]

this was the most fun ive had drawing something in like a week please enjoy her!! the dress is from this blog here ^_^

[skrunksthatwunk]

ok so. kiwami 2. rooftop scene. the ending. it's a bit of a clusterfuck but i wanna talk about one detail, a problem they bring to your attention by Fucking. Talking About Her.

haruka is watching all of this unfold.

[this post is like 4.5k words long + pretty critical + has spoilers for kiwami and kiwami 2, and really minor/vague ones for a couple others. they're not that bad though, trust me (and i added a warning in the one place it is major)]

ALSO CONTENT WARNING i'm gonna talk about kiryu's passive suicidality a good amount in this one, so stay away from this if you think that might affect you negatively/you'd be better off skipping it. i'll also make a tl;dr (which i will highlight in red) at the very end if you really wanna know what my point is that will exclude those elements <3. i am also going to use a lot of choice-based language in regards to kiryu's contemplation of suicide because i think it's the lens through which the games treat the topic, but i personally don't find it a productive or realistic way to look at suicide or suicidal ideation at all. someone dying by suicide absolutely does not mean they don't care about their loved ones enough to fight on or whatever. i love you, and proceed with caution on this one.

(also i'm using the kiwamis as my point of reference because i uh. don't have a ps2? those are the games that i played, and though the differences are likely slight, i wanna be clear about that. also,, ignore the watermark on these screenshots,, i didn't notice them and i'm not retaking them. we're all gonna have to settle for youtube cutscene comps for now xoxo)

first, we have to talk about the ending of the first game.

[note: i am Really Really Confident kiryu has a conversation earlier in the game about his going to jail in nishiki's stead being him running away and choosing not to resist his two options (go to jail or let nishiki go to jail) and define his own path, fighting his way against fate to make it happen. part of why i'm so confident it exists is because it made such an impression on me at the time. it's pretty important to my interpretation of things but i also can't find it for the life of me, so uh. sorry ✌️ i really tried. this post's takes/analysis will be dependent on this scene existing, so keep that in mind. if anyone knows where to find the scene/screenshots of it, lmk and i'll add a follow-up with it]

kiwami stuff

so as she's dying, yumi tells haruka this:

that she may be dying (painfully, and right as she's getting everything she wanted), but she doesn't regret it, because at least she did something rather than running away from it all. that you shouldn't run away, ever.

shortly thereafter, when the police find kiryu and haruka, this exchange happens between him and date. here's the play by play:

date tells kiryu he can get him out of trouble with this, and that if he doesn't, he'll get life in prison; kiryu declines his help:

kiryu is so devastated (understandably) by the back to back losses of the three people closest to him that he resigns himself to life in prison, and the death-in-effect that would be. he would prefer to waste away rather than struggle through a life without them. prison was monotonous and isolating, but coming back after a decade was overwhelming, and coming back to everything being so warped and twisted, and then losing the corrupted scraps he had anyway, well. he wants to go back to sleep. he doesn't want to be in a world where everything's the same except he's on his own. better to return to safety, to die slowly in a hell he knows well than weather a new one where he has control and agency, and thus one where he has the ability to fail and to lose anything at any time. he explains to date that that loss is why he can accept his death:

date shakes him and asks him if there's really nothing left for him, no reason to keep living at all:

then echoes yumi's advice to haruka:

which makes an impression on kiryu:

date gives him a reason to live in the form of haruka, saying she'll be on her own again if he goes to jail. he hijacks kiryu's tragic protector complex to keep him alive, because she needs him, and because she's someone precious to him:

after the dust has cleared,

kiryu and date also have this exchange, where date tells him to stay away from the cops (and presumably arrest and a return to prison, the aforementioned fate akin to death), and kiryu cites haruka as his reason to stay away, one he holds to with no uncertainty (showing again that he's accepted date's logic, that his reason to keep living even when it's incredibly difficult is to care for the more vulnerable haruka). given the weight of the consequences, to me, it feels like date's telling him not to be alone with his thoughts or something. it's almost frightening:

so, what's our takeaway from kiwami?

kiryu lost everything and hit rock bottom, but he chose to fight, and to live life on his own terms, even when it got difficult. that's the narrative life lesson he had to learn to avoid repeating the events of 1995. he made that choice for haruka's sake. it's seen as growth.

and without him, haruka would've just returned to the orphanage (assuming she could make it back to sunflower at all) with no one who knew or understood what she had been through, no one to mourn with her, and no one to give her the attention, care, and protection she needs. kiryu knows what it's like to be an orphan with a limited parental figure who only checks in every so often (kazama, "aunt" yumi), and what someone will do for attention/affection from that person (via both himself and nishiki swearing up, climbing the ranks, etc. arguably haruka coming to kamurocho by herself to find "mizuki" is similar), and what it's like to lose them anyway (again, kazama, yumi). their situations parallel each others' somewhat, and that binds them further. and after losing everyone (which he blames himself for to some extent, as one can probably assume from this and 2, and something key to his arc in later games), he chooses to protect her. and this time, he won't fail. at least partially because failing would hurt him, too. he'd have nothing left again.

okay. now we get to kiwami 2.

if you forgot, the context is basically:

everybody's fighting on the roof of a building which i'm sure will not be a running theme or anything as the series goes on

there's a bomb that's about to go off and they don't know how to/can't defuse it

ryuji shot the twist villain to death, but took fatal hits to do so

sayama's like hey!! let's get out of here!!! and kiryu and ryuji are like nooo we have to settle this oughh it's punchin time and they stick her on an elevator and send her down so she doesn't have to watch

ryuji loses. sayama returns, they have a cute sibling heart to heart, and ryuji dies in her arms. sad

kiryu is in rough shape as well, and there's like 2 minutes left on the bomb's timer

here's the scene itself:

sayama tells kiryu they have to run, and kiryu says he can't. the gist is "let's run!" "you go without me" "i'm not leaving you!" "i'm in no condition to run" "i'll carry you then!!" sayama: *sees how fucked up kiryu is, realizes he's Going To Die Anyway* "ok, then i'm staying with you!" and then further bickering about that, before they give up and make out (as one does i guess)

date (he's here now) yells this at them from a helicopter:

before someone else in the helicopter tells date this:

we get this shot of haruka calling out to kiryu as the helicopter swerves away:

and kiryu and sayama have this exchange about haruka where they say they let her down, but that she'll understand:

then they hug and the bomb ticks to zero right when the credits hit. in post credits it's revealed that the twist villain defused the bomb when they weren't looking, betraying his co-villain for reasons i truthfully do not remember and am unwilling to look up. it's not about that right now.

so, how does this scene interact with the ending of the previous game?

the short answer is "badly <3" but here's the long answer:

it's about choices.

the thing about fiction is that anything you want to have happen, as a writer, can happen. it may not be effective, internally consistent, or logical, but you can write it regardless. audiences suspend their disbelief for the sake of engaging fully with your fiction, but everyone has a threshold past which they will stop being engaged in a story and either become uninvested or annoyed. writers usually have lines they're unwilling to cross as well. but in almost every story, there's at least a couple of places where they stretch reality a little to make the narrative they want happen. this is not a bad thing at all. that's how stories get told.

now, i'm gonna be real with you. i don't care about how feasible plots are like 95% of the time. it's not something i think about much, nor is it something i prioritize. i am a very character-centric media consumer, so if world building and/or plot are a bit stale or contrived, that doesn't really bother me much so long as i'm invested in the characters involved. some people can't stand plot holes or the ways musicals burst into song or whatever, and that's fine for them. but it's not something i tend to find that all that important.

this is all to say that i have a sorta affection for rgg's flavor of bullshit pulling. and it is a powerful flavor, maybe even an acquired taste, but i can and do rock with it so long as it doesn't damage the characters too much. this is why i'm not making a lengthy post howling into the void about joji kazama or the second joon-gi han or how many secret relatives there are. those things are silly and endearing and a clumsy yet heartfelt part of a series i care about very deeply. i'll joke about it, but i don't consider it much of a flaw. it's more like personality. flaws are texture, and they help a piece's identity. point is i am very, very willing and able to suspend my disbelief for these games in exchange for a good time, particularly via good characters.

(if you want another example of where i draw the line from within rgg, the answer's the YAKUZA 4 SPOILERS INCOMING rubber bullets twist, because i think 1) it's actively horrifically stupid (especially retconning a scene we SAW HAPPEN. WE SAW BLOOD ON EACH IMPACT, AND RUBBER BULLETS DON'T OFTEN BREAK SKIN THAT DEEPLY (THEIR DAMAGE IS MORE PERCUSSIVE THAN PENETRATIVE). THESE EVENTS HAPPEN IN THE SAME GAME YOU DON'T HAVE TO RETCON IT JUST REWRITE IT. OR DON'T SHOW THE HIT AT ALL SO THERE'S MORE PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY. DON'T DO THIS JUST TO HYPE UP YOUR SHITTY VILLAIN NO ONE CARES ABOUT. and 2) (a bit more importantly) i think it actively removes saejima's primary internal conflict for that game, that being his intense guilt over the 18 murders he thinks he committed, one i was invested and interested in. but this isn't a rubber bullets post.)

characters in this series walk off a lot of life threatening injuries. they survive miraculously, they escape in the nick of time, and they pull through in the end. kiryu still somehow hasn't killed anyone. almost every game in his saga ends with an "is kiryu gonna make it out this time?!?" shortly followed by a "yeah lol. lmao" postcredits reveal. kiryu fucking punches a marble statue into dust in the first game. having a story that asks you to suspend your disbelief so much and so often means that when a decision is made, it's not the writers saying, "well, this would have to happen so we are obligated/forced to write it happening" so much as "we wanted this to happen for some reason(s)," because you already know that they're not guided solely by logic. again, this is true of all writers, it's just amplified in stories like these because they've already given you so many hard mode suspension of disbelief moments (they've broken you in like leather, yeah? or like how obvious internet scams allow for self selection by being so obvious that only the most vulnerable people would fall for them. they curate an audience willing to play along with their bullshit flavor so they can tell a story that's more likely to satisfy that audience. in a good way, in a fun way! mass appeal is overrated). there is not much limit to what this series is willing to try and sell you.

so when ryuji takes lethal damage taking out the big bad, that's a choice. when he doesn't die immediately, that's a choice. when ryuji and kiryu send sayama away in the soon-to-be-forgotten elevator so they can settle this like men or whatever despite the literal actual bomb about to go off, that's a choice. when sayama comes back, that's a choice. when ryuji does die, that's a choice. when kiryu determines that he can't escape in time, that's a choice. when sayama is unwilling to leave him, that's a choice. when she says she'll carry him out and there's an elevator right fucking there and then she's like never mind i guess i won't anymore we're dying together right now kiryu like they're not gonna even try?? wouldn't distancing themselves from the blast give themselves a better shot, something that's super possible given the 2 minutes they have with that elevator??? sayama you met him like a week and a half ago why are you ready to die with him that's not a plot hole i just think that's kinda strange whatever anyway, that's a choice. when kiryu stops arguing with her so they can kiss (next to her brother's corpse), that's a choice. when date shows up, that's a choice. when the helicopter can't save them because the bomb was going to go off too soon, that's a choice. when they put haruka in that helicopter and take her away, let her only impact be reminding kiryu and sayama that they can't help her, that's a choice. when they spend their last moments talking as if they're already dead, then simply waiting, that's a choice.

they're all choices that the writers made for the characters, and we are asked to believe them for the sake of achieving the writers' vision, as with any story. the only problem is that the writers' vision here fucking blows.

i'm not saying it would be realistic for kiryu and sayama (and even ryuji) to make it out alive, but it wouldn't be out of character for the series in the slightest. kiryu is suddenly unable to power through here, and that's a choice. so, what is their vision?

put simply, i think they wanted a romantic last stand for kiryu and sayama, a tragic scene of doomed, devoted lovers. and i think they wanted an edge-of-your-seat fake out death. they wanted spectacle.

here's how some specific choices they made undermine all that shit we talked about earlier from the first game.

once again, kiryu is called by date to live, to pick himself up and keep going, no matter how impossible the odds are. he's even reminded by haruka's presence, his one anchor in keeping himself going. the growth he had in the parallel scene in the previous game is challenged, and he fails.

it's not enough this time. and that's a choice.

it's also one i can't think of a good reason for, and that's the real kicker.

characters can have developmental backslide just like people do, and if they're given good reason for it, it can be just as, if not far more compelling that purely linear growth (i am a chimera ant arc enjoyer, and that's all i'll say. sorry if you haven't seen hunter x hunter. uhh. i am also a zuko avatar enjoyer if that helps). but i can't think of anything that happened in that game that would cause this from a character perspective. if anything, kiryu should be less likely to do this intentionally. he's spent around a year raising haruka, and a year has passed since he lost his loved ones. at the very least, the pain should be more dull, though it is established through an early nightmare sequence that his ass is (justifiably) not over it yet. given that their deaths were the initial motivation for his willingness to rot forever, theoretically, he should be more motivated to stay alive than before now that he's got more investment and stability in his life outside of them, particularly when it comes to haruka, his reason for surviving. and if the ongoing nature of the trauma was the motivator for this, then they should've had it affect him more past that nightmare scene (it really serves more as a recap of the last game than anything else) so it didn't come out of nowhere. so the reminder of the lesson that saved his life and then guided it for at least a year afterwards, one that the whole resolution of the previous game relied on heavily falls flat for... some reason.

i think this is a good time to mention that, generally speaking, you don't write arbitrary choices into characters. sure, people in real life are often sporadic, but when analyzing fictional characters, every choice is filed into a portfolio of characterization that can and should be analyzed. going for pure realism can obfuscate their development, motivations, themes, etc. their choices and reactions may be unorthodox, but they must be internally consistent. this is very related to how i view plot contrivance as well. characters drive the plot, not the other way around. stories are about the ways characters affect their worlds/lives and vice versa, and they're the human face to the themes and ideas the writers are trying to explore and express. maybe my stance on this seems hypocritical. i don't know if it is. but to me, plot issues are usually a matter of engagement and investment, while character issues are a matter of substance.

i hope this doesn't feel patronizing explaining all of this, but i want you guys to know where i'm coming from in my analysis. starting at my base philosophy on writing is the easiest way to do that, i feel. defining the terms of the debate, and all that. anyway

and i mean, look. they survive because "it was defused the whole time we just didn't see it happen", so it's not like narrative tension or realism or whatever was THAT big of a priority overall. if it was gonna be a cop-out anyway, they should'nt have ruined kiryu's development too, yeah?. and sayama fucks off to america after this game anyway, so it's not like the doomed lovers thing had much payoff or meaning after this one (though you could argue that's more an issue with yakuza 3 than yk2, which has some merit to it). which means that they chose to sacrifice kiryu's prior development and internal logic for the sake of cheap tension for their finale that was both kinda illogical in and of itself (the elevator!! the elevator!!!) and a romantic climax that neither required nor really benefitted from this staging. (like. you coulda had them make out and then get saved by date, or kiss on the elevator in a "it's moving, but will we make it in time??" way or whatever. look i'm not saying those are great options either but they're SOMETHING okay. it would remove/reduce the amount of time wasted on characters sitting around with their thumbs up their asses for no reason in this finale).

instead the message of this finale is that, actually, sometimes it is impossible to change your circumstances and fight for your own way out of an awful situation. and what should you do about this unfortunate truth? uh. die! i guess. it's the exact opposite of the encouraging, optimistic message of the last game. zetsubou chou pride my ass.

note: i feel i should mention that when suicidality is brought up within the series (particularly in substories), it is always something someone has to overcome themselves through wanting it badly enough. they simply need the inspiration and the motivation to keep going. it's arguably treated as a moral obligation. frankly, the series is broadly very meritocratic (<- bad) when it comes to this topic (and others, but that's a Whole Other Thing. see akiyama's weird loan shark tests as well). sheer will and resolve is enough to conquer any problem, be it physical or mental/emotional, and it's irresponsible to act/feel otherwise. this is the logic the games operating under, and kiryu is often the mouthpiece for this bootstrap-pulling "tough love" sentiment. so when kiryu "chooses" to die, yet faces no emotional fallout from date, haruka, or anyone else, it feels very out of place. it's not just an odd choice; it's specifically, once again, an odd choice to make in context of the game/series/character it appears in.

kiryu's just like eh, haruka'll watch her only family die right as she gets some sense of tentative stability and lets her guard down after a devastating month the year prior (and a relatively dismal upbringing before that) that we trauma bonded over. sure, she likely came to view me as the one who would stay no matter what, who was too strong to be taken out, who she could always rely on, and so i know that dying would hurt her immensely, but she's smart enough to know it'd happen eventually. her eventual recovery means it's okay for me to do this (somehow, in a way it wasn't in the first game). it's an excuse within the narrative's logic, and one it is uncritical of simply because it's kiryu. he gets a pass.

and i think with the previously mentioned passive suicidality and general series-long mental health issues kiryu displays (i mean. yakuza 5's literally his depression arc), this could be retroactively seen as an interesting choice, like a piece in that particular narrative. i don't even dislike that viewing, especially in terms of fan approach. but (assuming this went down the same in yakuza 2), they likely didn't have that in mind. all they had then was the first game and the movie. and they took the first game's Entire Message and contradicted it for nothing but a scene they wanted to have happen because it'd be suspenseful and/or emotional (without actually doing the work to earn it). and they're not fans trying to analyze his character, they're the ones making choices for him. and they chose to massacre my boy. and if the subject of kiryu's mental health was a priority of theirs, why didn't they explore that? haruka and date's feelings on him not resisting and their words not being enough (whether that blame is justified by the narrative or not (it shouldn't be btw)), the uncomfortable drifting that resigning yourself to death and living afterwards anyway often brings, literally any conversation about it besides the minimal shit we get post credits of date being like "did you know about the bomb not having a fuse?" which like. bad answer either way (which is why they weren't straightforward about it, the cowards). you can't just be like "oh uh. idk he just gave up this time. yeah he was gonna die on purpose for some reason. good thing the bomb was fake lol" and then pack up and go home!! that's stupid!! any merit the idea of kiryu dying by suicide in this scene and in this way could have had from a character-based perspective loses its weight because 1. it didn't happen (for kinda stupid reasons), which makes it fall flat and 2. no one is really affected by the fact that it almost did, including him. they sacrificed his ass and replaced it with nothing, even when there could have been interesting outcomes to it.

so the narrative effectively chose to kill him by making the situation impossible, and this impossibility is ultimately arbitrary, given the series' usual approach to miraculous, illogical escapes. that, or the choice to stay was up to kiryu and sayama, one that 1. doesn't make sense and is actively regressive in context of kiryu's arc in the only other game in the series (as well as his whole saga in retrospect) and 2. one that contradicts how the series sees/treats resignation to death/death by suicide in all other contexts without being addressed, challenged, or condemned in ways it would in all other contexts. because they don't want you to think about it like that. they want you to think he (and the narrative) had no choice, that it made sense to do that. but it didn't. it doesn't.

and look, honestly? if i was bleeding out and had like 2 minutes to live, there's a non zero chance i'd say fuck it and kiss a girl too. i get it. but i am (and this is crucial) not a fucking yakuza character. and i'm certainly not kiryu kazuma.

tl;dr (basically just rephrasing the second to last main paragraph)

there are not sufficient character reasons for kiryu and sayama not trying to escape. additionally, because the narrative regularly facilitates even less likely escapes, it's not so constrained to logic and reality that it couldn't pull this one off. the choice to let their situation be impossible this one time was a cheap and arbitrary way of forcing a scene they thought would be cool and dramatic, and in doing so they chose to cannibalize a key emotional note of the previous finale (namely kiryu's mission to dedicate his life to protecting haruka) for hollow last minute stakes-upping in this one. it is then completely disregarded anyway. god damn.

[knightzp]

they really knew what they were doing making these two shuffles

[rorsry]

how do you miss the point this bad it's just embarrassing

[hauntingblue]

Sanji crucified and getting punished by a giant spider lady for his sins against women....

[myung-jaes]

USED TO THIS ― lee anton

PAIRING・❥・ anton x fem!reader

GENRE・❥・ social media au, college au, childhood best friends to lovers, mutual pining, slow burn, crack, fluff, angst, some written parts

SYNOPSIS・❥・ anton and yn are literally the epitome of childhood best friends, knowing each other from practically the day they were born with their parents being best friends upon their shared move from korea to the states. throughout the years, they’ve gone through their share of memories, rebounds, and earthquakes. despite this, they could never beat the “falling for your best friend” curse, even as they were separated with yn's move back to korea, it only worsening as anton followed in her steps. though rather than embracing their feelings, the two, with all their stubbornness, choose to bury it down, waiting for the day it all blows up.

WARNINGS・❥・VERY BAD JOKES (i’m trying 😓) profanity, violent jokes, yn and anton love to "jokingly" flirt with each other, but are the most oblivious people and have the worst communication when it comes to their feelings for each other so!!!! + lots of lovely runner mentions bc i’m the biggest anton ryu sunjae enthusiast 😓😓

STATUS・❥・ on-going

TAGLIST・❥・ open!

PLAYLIST・❥・ used to this — camila cabello. love 119 — riize. at my worst — pink sweat$. dress — taylor swift. but i like you — boynextdoor. get you — daniel caesar. nobody gets me — sza. cpr — summer walker. bad habit — steve lacy. open arms — sza. late night calls — p1harmony.

FEATURING ・❥・ot7 riize, ningning of aespa, intak of p1harmony, taesan of boynextdoor, hanni & minji of newjeans, ricky & gyuvin of zb1, taeyoung of cravity

PROFILES ― dress to impress | anton's kidnappers

001. bear filter fetish

002. COFFEE?? COFFEE!!! COFFEE <3333

003. hey upper east siders

004. yn exploded?!

005. oh my god, the voices

006. shawty if you down, i’m down too

007. A KID OUTDANCED WONBIN??

008. papa shotaro 😘

009. a hot new bombshell enters the villa

010. how do u swim on dry land

011. #ANTYN_OUT #YNTON_IN

012. oui, oui, baguette. bisous!

013. sungchan’s dating show

014. can we french kiss under the eiffel tower

015. just two best friends that kiss 🤣🤣

[skrunksthatwunk]

AAAAA THIS IS SO GOOD LEMME RAMBLE A BIT OK BECAUSE LIKE. he's ALWAYS trying to make himself fit this box, right? he's always thinking and talking about appearances and what you have to do to get ahead (the suits you wear, the girls you entertain, etc) because he's been studying it. not just to get ahead, but because he knows he's got to do more to get people's approval than kiryu. I think there's an interesting tension there. he keeps trying to give him advice on how to mask and how to fit in because he's put a lot of effort and thought into it because it's how he stays afloat here and he tells kiryu to protect/help him, and then kiryu gets to disregard it and be fine anyway. he doesn't need it like nishiki does

and while nishiki loves kiryu dearly i think there's a sort of jealousy that often comes with that dynamic (speaking from my experience, ohoho). kiryu's allowed to be himself and not even try to be Correct or Normal and people let him because they like who he is as a person more. nishiki masks because he knows the base version of himself, who he is at his core, would be unacceptable... but if kiryu isn't and he is then there has to be something wrong about the way he is. something shameful he has to hide. or at least a liability he's got to always be accounting for, always stepping in front of to obscure.

and he loves kiryu. he really does. but maybe it annoys him when kiryu does things that are blatantly autistic because he wouldn't let himself do that. he has more self control. he's more aware of things than kiryu is. and nobody seems to see that advantage (one of the only ways he's better than kiryu) nor that effort. how bad he's trying to fix himself for them. they don't care. but the lesson he takes away from that isn't that he should stop trying because he's never going to please them, but that he needs to try harder and harder. he's going to pass. he's going to sneak it by them this time. he'll be the son kazama always wanted eventually if he keeps stuffing himself in this damn suitcase.. even though he knows kazama already has the son he wants. it's kiryu.

i think a lotta this is because neither are ever diagnosed (maybe kiryu is later in life, but nishiki? no chance), and because nishiki's not masking consciously. there's a part of him that's annoyed at kiryu's blatantness, and i think it really is rooted in jealousy, because he wants to be free like that. he wishes people would accept him if he were like that but he's on thin ice as it is. but i don't think he's necessarily conscious of it as jealousy, he just thinks kiryu needs to get a clue or get his act together or whatever.

and the thing is, i don't know if nishiki would have been liked better if he unmasked. people think of him as a snivelling kissass, y'know? and i think that comes from the masking. but i think he probably would be more chatty, more open. more inconvenient and more annoying, as far as his peers are concerned. strong and silent type? sure, they have a place for that. but that's not nishiki, and he won't be if he unmasks, either. and not knowing what the problem is (autism) nor what the outcome would be to fix it this other way (unmasking), he doesn't have much of a shot at it either. but if he did he'd probably stick with masking, because shit, it's better than nothing. he's gotta have armor. if people hate the mask they hate the job he's doing at fitting in. if people hate him without the mask, they hate him. he can't risk finding that out even if he already suspects it's true. it would break him.

but they'll always hate him anyway. nishiki, at the end of the day, could never win. that's his place in the narrative and in his own life. he fought a losing battle and he lost and they hated him for it. he just wasn't cut out for this. but the wheel keeps spinning, because if he stops trying, he'll fall apart completely.

[kicks door down]

Autistic Nishiki whose special interest is fashion and not only considers what's trendy but also looks out for fabrics that aren't a sensory nightmare, however sometimes he will force himself to wear something that isn't comfy for appearance's sake, which leaves him more vulnerable to getting overwhelmed and therefore 'emotional' Also means he has his collar popped like Kiryu's for sensory reasons too and slutty reasons, which would once again make me correct in saying if he undid his collar in Kiwami he'd be normal again because if I were constantly experiencing sensory discomfort I too would be fucked up and evil.

Cause like here's the thing, autistic Kiryu and Majima headcanons are more obvious (especially the former), whereas Nishiki probably comes off as the most 'normal'; he can likely maintain eye contact and talk to people 'normally' and not like, go off on some random tangent about a special interest or hyperfixation. And then you remember masking is a thing.

And okay, so I actually think it's unfair a lot of fandom considers him a 'crybaby' right, cause he's cried in situations MOST PEOPLE WOULD RIGHTFULLY CRY OVER! BUT, I can use this to my Autistic Advantage and have this be he actually struggles to regulate his emotions, and considering he's been exposed to the yakuza world since a young age where ANY emotion that isn't 'respectable stoicism' or 'righteous fury and indignation', he's seen as even MORE overly emotional. Hence the need to start masking so early, PLUS having to protect Kiryu who couldn't mask if his life depended on it because he doesn't realise he may HAVE to (speaking from personal experience, Kiryu definitely went his whole life unaware there was anything ""wrong"" with him (for lack of a better word) and had people just like "oh yeah he's just Like That dw bout it" and went on with his life), so Nishiki takes up the mantle of I'm The One Who Knows What We're Doing Lad's desperate to gain acceptance and will change whatever he has to but people still somehow pick up that Something's Off About Him and so they tend to be disdainful or brush him off. It's easy charisma that can win over hostesses and brief encounters with civillians but can't carry across in the yakuza. Kiwami is him trying his DAMNDEST to act neurotypical even at the cost of his own comfort, and the worst part is it's not working

[elsbunny]

the big bang theory! — shin ryujin

after your dad started pressuring you to stop partying and focus on your academics, you were moved to another dorm. what you didn’t expect was that your two neighbors were total brainiacs, which you thought would make it hard to fit in.

or when ryujin saw you across the hall, she swore to herself that the babies would be smart and beautiful

hot nerd!ryujin x popular fem!reader

genre: humor, strangers/neighbors to lovers, college au, fluff, just lgbt couples bc we hate heterosexuality, ryu thinking is an unrequited love 100% of the time

warnings: death jokes, swearing, academic validation, drinking problems, mommy issues, sex jokes, reader is freaky freaky and ryu lies about not being ten times more freaky, literally A LOT of tbbt references because duhhh, a bunch of losers tbh

notes; my first smau!! i really hope it goes well and that you guys like it!!! i pretend to take my time with it so i can make a good job 💗💛🐰

status: ongoing

profiles!

y/n’s group ryujin’s group

intro

01. smart and beautiful

[silkscream]

bullfight of love (part 2)

ੈ✩ choso x reader

ੈ✩ tags: 2000s au, coworkers, workplace relationship, film bro stuff, pining, car sex, oral sex, fingering

ੈ✩ wc: 5.1k

ੈ✩ a/n: sorry for the lack of proofreading also i feel like the references r annoying. just ignore them bc in this fic both of them are annoying <3

PART ONE

Choso does not call you. 

He does text you, occasionally, to talk about work and movies. Sometimes books and music, swapping recommendations. 

You notice that he reads at the register when the store’s empty. As the weeks pass, he runs through paperbacks like lightning. 90s manga, Ryu Murakami novels. He had a pensive reading face, dipping between serene and morose depending on the page. It was oddly fascinating. Brows knitted, nose twitching in a way that reflected light on his scar tissue.

He never says much. Barely greets you when he clocks in, opting for something of a nod and a noncommittal noise. He always smells like tobacco and incense.

You try to outdo each other when it comes to putting something on the big screen. Maki let you put on any tape you wanted as long as it wasn’t too graphic, which was the one rule the two of you ignored considering how often there were afternoon dry spells. 

You’d put Japanese New Wave, New Hollywood. 90s American trash when Choso could score edibles. He’d never tell you where he got them, always tight-lipped about sources. It annoyed you to no end.

“Nice shirt,” he drawls.

“Huh?” You look up from your stack to see Choso staring at you, gesturing to your chest. 

“Your shirt.” 

You look down at your oversized Deftones tee.

“You’re not gonna ask me to name five of their songs, are you?” 

He shakes his head, laughing. The fluorescents make his irises reflect hints of violet, you notice. He’s less dead-eyed today, which is saying something.

“Which album’s your favorite?” he asks.

“Around the Fur.”

“Basic.”

You frown, reaching over to press the price tagger against his chest. You pull the trigger. He laughs again, looking down.

“I’m only worth ten dollars?”

“Yes.”

He scoffs and returns to the register when he sees a girl waiting with a copy of Clueless. You watch as she twirls a braid around her finger, stumbling over her words as she tries (and fails) to make small talk with Choso. He’s stone-faced again as always – nothing like the feigned sneers shot at you – the poor girl.

You notice him stealing glances at you while you continue to stock. There’s a perpetual hint of a tiny smirk as he continues to be the cashier for the night. You smile at him and wrinkle your nose when you look his way and find him staring at you, goading your reaction on whatever stack of DVDs his customer has in hand.

The two of you decide to close out for the night an hour early. It’s dead in the store. While you vacuum, your ears perk up to footsteps on the main floor. You see a teenage boy with pinkish hair and bright eyes.

“Closing shop, kid,” you say. “And I’m not in the mood for a stray.”

“I’m looking for my brother!” he beams, blatantly ignoring your crabbiness.

You pinch your brows together. Did he mean Choso? The two looked nothing alike and sure as hell didn’t share a personality.

“You mean —”

“Yuuji? I thought I told you I’d meet you at the arcade.”

You raise a brow at Choso appearing from the back room door but decide to leave him and his… brother to their own devices. You watch them from the corner of your eye, noticing that despite Yuuji’s boyish face, they’re slightly similar in build. He must be adopted or fostered, you think. Played the part of a little brother like a sitcom favorite from how Choso looked at him.

“You’re not coming with me, then?”

“Nah. Fushiguro and I were gonna see Human Earthworm 5 but then he told me hasn’t seen the first four! So I came by to pick them up.”

“It’s a good thing you came before we closed,” Choso rolls his eyes. 

“Don’t you close in like an hour?”

“Finishing up early. Her idea.”

You scoff under your breath. There’s a pause.

“You weren’t exaggerating, man,” Yuuji mutters, barely hiding his voice. “She’s really pretty.”

“Dude.” 

You almost laugh. Your smirk fades when you realize that your heart is beating a bit faster.  Liking Maki back then was stupid enough – a terrible cliche to fantasize about. Storage room fucking, sneaking around on the clock. How tacky. And you already checked off one of those fantasies.

The drama wasn’t worth it. It’s absurd to know that you had done that with Choso. It was why you avoided the back room at all costs. After you two had fucked, neither of you spoke of it again.

“Sorry,” Yuuji says, smiling sheepishly. “I’ll see you later, man!”

“Onii-chan,” Choso reminds him.

“Onii-chan.”

“Do you mind if I take the car?” 

“What– then how am I supposed to get home–”

“Pleaaaaase, Onii-chan? Fushiguro lives far from the bus stop!”

Choso grumbles as he fishes his car keys out of his pocket. Yuuji nearly vibrates from excitement as he takes them.

You wait until he leaves to flash a grin. Choso makes eye contact with you and groans.

“Don’t.”

“Onii-chan, huh?”

“Shut up.”

Your grin only widens. 

“He’s cute. Looks nothing like you, though.”

“We’re, uh, half-brothers,” Choso mutters. “And he’s off-limits.”

“Wasn’t interested,” you scoff. “He’s gotta be in high school, right?”

“And you’re not?” Choso raises a brow. 

He laughs at your expression immediately souring and you hate that the sound makes your heart flutter. 

“I’m kidding,” he snorts. “I’d be in jail if that was the case.”

You blush, remembering the last time you were intimate. You huff.

“You know Fushiguro? That’s Toji’s son.”

“Oh shit, really? I never met the kid’s family, I guess.”

You notice Choso checking out a copy of The Ring.

“Is that what you’re getting up to on a Friday night?” 

“Yup. I haven’t gotten around to seeing it yet.”

“Dude, seriously? S’a classic. One of my favorites.”

“You’re welcome to join,” he shrugs. It’s nonchalant. Given his brother's previous teasing, you’d think there would be an air of eagerness around him. The fact that there isn’t only makes your stomach lurch.

“Maybe,” you mumble. “Got some errands to run.”

“It’s cool.” He hikes up the messenger bag he brings to work over his shoulder. It’s right then that you notice how broad he is. Built well, almost like an athlete. Collarbones like a Greek god and a face as pretty as the J-pop idols you used to like. You think back to your past tryst, how his muscles rippled in the dingy office lighting. The sweat on his brow when he moaned.

He leans in to poke your arm to grab your attention.

“Huh?”

“I said, are you ready to lock up?”

“Oh. Uh, yeah,” you mutter. You grab your bag and follow him out. He helps you drag the security gate down. 

“Text me if you change your mind.”

“Yeah. For sure.”

–

You do not change your mind.

Not yet, anyway. You sip a milkshake in the food court, people-watching to pass the time. You couldn’t think about being alone with Choso right now. 

It takes you a bit to muster up the energy to leave. For some reason, you feel exhausted despite closing early. Your shifts were relatively easy, and it helped that being on shift with Choso was usually entertaining. The banter never got old. 

Fuck, you needed to shake the thought of him out of your head. The sex was a one-time thing. His nonchalance made you sure of that.

When you make your way to your car, you see him. He balances a cigarette between his lips as he laughs, surrounded by the usual mall rats you see on nights like these. Some of them you had recognized from high school. They were drop-out skaters who liked to flirt with you sometimes, their toothy grins stained yellow and their tiny waists drowning in cargo pants.

You watch one of the girls flirt with Choso. She’s blonde and thin, and you wonder if she’s his type. Despite the clashing of styles, they look good together. You pretend it doesn’t make you bitter. There’s no reason for the sight to make you bitter. You shouldn’t be staring at him at all — you’re supposed to be walking to your fucking car.

It starts to drizzle, but the crowd doesn’t move. You watch them and convince yourself that maybe he’s isn’t that attractive. But the cigarette in between his lips looks enticing. He probably tastes like tobacco. Mint and eucalyptus like the way he smells. You briefly remember the kisses you shared in the backroom and your stomach clenches with want.

“You,” he beckons to you. You freeze. “Thought you left already.”

You try to ignore all the eyes on you. Your tunnel vision only focuses on him, anyway. 

“Told you I had, uh, errands.”

“Right.”

“Uh-huh,” you clear your throat. “Can I bum a cig?”

He reaches into his pocket for a pack of red Marlboros, handing you one and waiting until it’s between your lips to light it for you. You chuckle lightly when you see it’s a white lighter.

“What?” he grins. 

“You don’t know about the white lighter thing? So many members of the 27 club had a white lighter on them when they died.”

“Like who?”

“Hendrix, Cobain, Morrison…”

“Then it’s an American thing,” he laughs. “I’ll survive.”

“I hope you do.”

He smiles back at you sheepishly, fixing his hair with his hands. He’s almost bashful for a second, but he’s too good at acting casual for you to catch him completely off-guard. 

Before he can respond, a hug of thunder booms above you. Distracted by the frenzy of everyone scrambling to head out, grumbling about the looming storm.

“Do you want a ride?” you blurt out.

He looks at you carefully, then cracks a smile. “Sure.”

___

Much to your annoyance, Choso is a little high, meaning he has no problem turning the dial on your car radio the whole time he’s in the car.

“You’re picky,” you mutter.

“I have taste,” Choso murmurs. “The radio does not.”

“I have like, a billion CDs in the dashboard. Go crazy.”

He smirks, amused, opening the drawer to flip through the albums you have in a thick CD wallet. They’re mostly your mothers – 90s Shibuya-kei and some early city pop you grew up on, along with a fair collection of Western music you’ve acquired over the years. To your surprise, he picks a Faye Wong CD.

“Good choice,” you mutter. He hums in response.

The ride to his house is quiet despite the album. You almost regret your offer, embarrassed about the slight panic you feel as the rain hits harder than expected. You never fucking liked driving anyway – it was why you wanted to move closer to the subway.

The only sounds in the car are Faye Wong’s haunting vocals and the pitter-patter of the rain. Choso glances at you, his expression stoic and unreadable as he watches you drive, but there’s a hint of something else in his eyes. A mix of anticipation and something else that you can’t quite pinpoint. After a few minutes of driving, Choso finally speaks up, his voice low and almost hesitant. 

“Turn at the next exit—” he mutters, breaking the silence that had fallen between the two of you.

“I know,” you chuckle.

“Choso pauses for a moment, a hint of mild surprise on his face. He had expected you to ask for directions, but you seem to know where you’re going without further instructions. He lets out a low scoff, his expression relaxing slightly. 

“You know my neighborhood?” he mutters, a hint of amusement in his voice. “Stalking me, boss?”

“I read your application, dumbass. Plus, I used to babysit around here.”

“Oh. Which family? I might know them.”

“The Fushiguros, actually. Toji used to live around here.”

“You used to babysit Megumi?” Choso asks in surprise.

“Mhm. I thought I heard your brother talking about him in the store.”

“Yeah,” he nods. “They’re best friends. You used to babysit him, huh?”

You hum. “Mhm. Cute kid. Quiet.”

“Still quiet. Though Yuji never shuts up about him.”

“It’s nice that he has friends. Toji used to say that I was the only one Megumi was never nice to,” you chuckle.

“Kid’s got good taste, then,” Choso mutters.

He points you towards his street. The closer you get to his neighborhood, the more residential it gets, and it’s oddly barren. Quiet and suburban, with no one other cars passing you.

As you take a turn, the rain gets even heavier, obscuring your view. The windshield wipers fight against the torrential downpour as the tires slide to the right.

“Fuck,” you curse under your breath. You clutch the steering wheel tightly with paling knuckles. Your piece of shit car could barely handle snow, but it survived in the rain, at least. Right now, you aren’t so sure. The car seems to skid into something that makes one of the tires pop.

“Shit," Choso mutters, gripping the door handle. "You okay?"

You nod, trying to slow your breathing. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just...fuck."

The car lurches to a stop at the side of the road. You turn off the ignition with shaky hands and sit back, exhaling slowly.

"Looks like we popped a tire," Choso says, peering out the window. "And this rain isn't letting up."

You groan, letting your head fall back against the headrest. "Great. Just great."

“Do you have a spare?”

“No,” you moan, pinching the bridge of your nose.

"Hey, it's alright," Choso says, his voice softer than you've ever heard it. "Let’s wait out the storm here. I can call my brother.”

He reaches over and gently pries one of your hands off the wheel, giving it a reassuring squeeze. The unexpected touch makes your breath hitch.

You know he's right, but the thought of being trapped in the car with him makes your stomach flutter nervously. Still, you nod in agreement and watch as he calls Yuji. The phone goes to voicemail immediately, to both of your dismay. He shoots a couple of texts and locks his phone in a huff.

An awkward silence falls between you as the rain pounds against the roof of the car. You're hyper-aware of Choso's presence beside you, the warmth of his hand on yours moments ago still lingering on your skin.

The silence stretches on, broken only by the rhythmic drumming of rain and the occasional rumble of thunder. You steal a glance at Choso, catching him staring out the window with a furrowed brow. His usually composed demeanor seems slightly shaken.

"Some road trip this turned out to be," you joke, attempting to break the tension.

Choso turns to you, a wry smile playing on his lips. "Not quite the adventure we had in mind, huh?"

You can't help but chuckle. "Definitely not. Though I suppose being stranded in a storm is pretty adventurous."

"True," he agrees, his smile widening. "Though I'd prefer less life-threatening adventures in the future."

The casual mention of a "future" makes your heart skip a beat. You try to push the feeling aside, reminding yourself that he probably didn't mean anything by it.

Suddenly, a crack of lightning illuminates the sky, followed immediately by a deafening clap of thunder. You jump, inadvertently grabbing Choso's arm.

"Sorry," you mumble, quickly letting go and feeling heat rise to your cheeks.

"It's okay," he says softly, his voice barely audible over the rain. "I don't mind."

The rain continues to pour, creating a hypnotic rhythm on the roof of the car. You find yourself relaxing slightly, the initial panic of the situation fading into a strange sense of calm. Choso's presence beside you is oddly comforting.

"You know," Choso begins, his voice low and thoughtful, "I used to be terrified of thunderstorms when I was a kid."

You turn to look at him, surprised by this sudden admission. His eyes are fixed on the raindrops racing down the windshield, a faraway look in them.

"Really?" you ask softly, encouraging him to continue.

He nods, a small smile playing on his lips. "Yeah. My mom... she used to tell me that the thunder was just the sky's way of singing. Said the lightning was its dance moves."

There's a tenderness in his voice that you've never heard before. It makes your heart ache in a way you can't quite explain.

"That's… cute," you murmur. "Did it help?"

Choso chuckles, the sound warm and rich. "Not really. But it made me feel less alone, you know? Like the sky was putting on a show for me or something.”

“Toji’s kids used to be scared of thunderstorms too. I used to make blanket forts with Megumi and his sister and put on movies to distract them.”

“What movies?” Choso grins. “Chucky?”

You snort. “No, asshole. Kids’ movies. I’m not evil.”

“Sure, you’re not,” he says teasingly.

“Do I seem evil?”

“No. But you’re a bit… uh…" Choso trails off.

“A bit what?” You furrow your brows.

“A bit... intense sometimes," Choso finishes, his eyes flickering to yours. "In a good way, I mean."

You raise an eyebrow. "Intense?"

He shrugs, a hint of a smirk on his lips. "Yeah. You've got this... energy about you. Like you're always thinking about ten steps ahead of everyone else. You’re intriguing."

You're not sure how to respond to that. Part of you wants to be flattered, but another part feels oddly exposed.

"Intriguing, huh?" you murmur, your voice barely above a whisper. "Is that why you've been watching me at work?"

Choso's eyes widen slightly, a faint blush creeping up his neck. "I... didn't think you noticed."

"I notice a lot of things," you say, leaning in slightly. "Like how you always smell like cigarettes and incense. Or how you bite your lip when you're concentrating on something."

“You've been watching me too, then."

You smile, feeling a surge of boldness. "Maybe I have."

Choso hums, his eyes linger on your mouth for a beat longer than you expect.

“I can never tell what you’re thinking when you look at me,” you say before you can stop yourself.

Choso's eyes flicker back up to meet yours, a hint of amusement in them. "Maybe that's the point," he says softly.

You feel a shiver run down your spine that has nothing to do with the cold rain outside. The air between you feels charged, like the electricity crackling in the storm clouds above.

"And what is the point, exactly?" you ask, your voice barely above a whisper.

Choso leans in closer, his breath warm on your cheek. "To keep you guessing," he murmurs. "To make you wonder."

Your heart is pounding in your chest now, so loud you're sure he must be able to hear it. 

"Wonder about what?" you breathe.

You turn to look at him and your breath catches in your throat. Even in the dim light, his features are striking. His long eyelashes frame his sharp eyes, and a few strands of damp hair stick to his forehead. You have a sudden, overwhelming urge to brush them away.

Choso's eyes meet yours, and for a moment, time seems to stand still. You're acutely aware of how close you are, the confined space of the car suddenly feeling much smaller. His gaze flickers to your lips for a fraction of a second before returning to your eyes.

Your heart races as you realize he hasn't moved away. If anything, he seems to be leaning closer. You swallow hard, trying to find your voice.

"Um—"

Another flash of lightning cuts you off, but this time you don't jump. You're too entranced by the way it illuminates Choso's face, casting shadows that accentuate his jawline and the curve of his lips.

He reaches out, his hand hovering near your face for a moment before he gently tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. His touch is feather-light, but it sends shivers down your spine.

"You were saying?" he prompts, his voice low and husky.

Your heart beats fast. What the fuck were you even going to say?

Do you want to watch a movie sometime? Do you think about that night as much as I do?

You take a deep breath, trying to calm your racing heart. "I was just thinking...mabout that night in the store. Do you ever think about it?"

Choso's eyes widen slightly, but he doesn't pull away. "Yeah," he admits softly. "More than I probably should."

His honesty catches you off guard. You expected deflection or maybe even denial. "Really?"

He nods, a wry smile playing on his lips. "It's not every day you get caught jerking off by your hot coworker who then proceeds to fuck you senseless."

You can't help but laugh, some of the tension dissipating. "Fair point."

"What about you?" he asks, his gaze intense. "Do you think about it?"

You nod, not trusting your voice. The air between you feels charged, electric.

Choso shifts slightly, angling his body towards you. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," you murmur.

"Why did you do it? Was it just… I don't know, pity? Horniness? Boredom?"

You're taken aback by the vulnerability in his voice. It occurs to you that maybe he's been dwelling on this as much as you have.

“I don’t know. Kind of thought it’d be funny.”

“You thought it’d be funny?”

“What? It was like a bad porn plot.”

“Wow, okay,” he scoffs. “I almost thought maybe you liked me or something.”

"I— I do,” you mumble. “I did it because I do. Because I… wanted you.”

Choso's eyes darken at your words. "And now?" he asks, his voice low and husky.

Your breath catches in your throat. "Now?"

He nods, leaning in closer. "Do you still want me?"

The air between you feels electric, charged with anticipation. You can feel the warmth of his breath on your skin.

"Yes," you whisper, your eyes flicking down to his lips.

There's a beat of silence, the only sound of the rain pounding against the car roof. You're acutely aware of how close you are to each other in the confined space of the car, the sound of rain creating a cocoon around you both. You look away from him shyly, which makes him touch your cheek to turn your face towards him.

“Do— do you—”

Choso cuts you off and closes the distance between you, pressing his lips to yours in a kiss that's both gentle and urgent. You respond immediately, your hands coming up to tangle in his hair as you deepen the kiss. He groans into your mouth, the sound sending a jolt of heat straight to your core.

His hands roam your body, reacquainting themselves with your curves. When he palms your breast through your shirt, you arch into his touch, breaking the kiss to gasp.

"Fuck," Choso mutters, his voice rough.

He leans in again, this time trailing kisses along your jaw and down your neck. When he reaches the sensitive spot just below your ear, you let out a soft moan. You feel him smile against your skin before he nips gently at the spot, soothing it with his tongue.

Your hands roam over his chest, feeling the hard planes of muscle beneath his shirt. You tug at the hem, suddenly desperate to feel his skin against yours.

Choso pulls back, his eyes meeting yours as he quickly pulls his shirt over his head. The sight of his bare chest, adorned with intricate tattoos, makes your mouth go dry. You reach out, tracing the lines of ink with your fingertips.

He shudders at your touch, his eyes fluttering closed for a moment. When he opens them again, there's a fire in his gaze that makes heat pool in your belly.

"Your turn," he murmurs, his hands finding the hem of your shirt.

You lift your arms, allowing him to pull it off. His eyes roam over your exposed skin hungrily, and you feel a blush creep up your chest under his intense gaze.

“Jesus. I still can’t get over how hot you are.”

You roll your eyes before leaning in to kiss him again. This time, it’s all teeth and tongue. Messy. Choso tastes even better before, you think, but you don’t quite remember. You’ve been chasing that taste for weeks now and here he was – all tobacco and mint in your mouth.

He pulls you to the backseat, sets you down on the leather. Legs hiked up around his waist, your sneakers up on the window. He can feel his dick jump in his pants when he hears you mewl into his mouth like a kitten, his hand flicking the peak of your breast.

It’s a struggle for him to take off his jeans with how tight the backseat is. Your breath hitches when you feel his cock settle in between the crease of your bare thighs. It’s different, having him this close, bare skin touching. 

He sucks a mark on your collarbone that almost feels loving. You feel drunk from his touch, from his fingers toying with your clit. You need him embedded into your skin. Tattoo crush.

“Feel good, baby?” HIs voice is low, nearly purring.

You hum in satisfaction. “Need you in me.”

“You sure?” The expression on his face is genuine, tender. You respond with an incredulous look. He chuckles.

To spite you, he leans and kisses over the skin between of your breasts. Descending licks, tasting the salt of your skin until he’s curled up, pushing your thighs forward so he has enough room to put his face full in your cunt. You moan at the feeling of his tongue, hot and warm against you. 

His fingers split you open in tandem with his tongue fucking you. You wanted him deep, imprinted in you. You gasp as you come, his fingers reaching somewhere yours could never touch.

He kisses you messily, grinning into it.

“Tastes good.”

“Shut up.”

You want to jump his bones, make a home from his lap. But he’s so big, his hands grasping the silk of your thighs with intent. You groan when you feel his tip prodding you, slowly sinking until he bottoms out. Choso represses any noise from his mouth, biting his lip hard enough to bleed.

“Don’t do that,” you huff. “Wanna hear you.”

He sighs, gripping you tightly, warm-bellied. Tight in your cunt. It feels crazier to him now than before – the spontaneity had driven his lust the first time, but now, it was all built-up emotion. Weeks of yearning and playing it cool, his stomach collapsing in on itself whenever you even looked at him. 

And now, you’re moaning from him like you want him. You do want him. Choso has always found it easy to get laid, but with you, he felt like he was walking on eggshells. Like he could’ve fucked up at any moment, that the time in the back room was just a fluke. The look in your glassy ways say otherwise. 

His pace moves faster and your eyes roll back like he’s knocking the stars out of you. An angel falling. You can barely keep your eyes open and your mouth shut with the way he feels inside you, hitting every spot that has your whole body feel like it’s levitating. 

Choso’s fingers thread through your hair as he kisses you. He marvels at the softness of all of you – your mouth like melted wax, hair knotted in daisy chains underneath his fingertips. Precious.

“Fuck,” he breathes. “You’re so fucking pretty.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah – feels so… shit—”

The desperation is getting to him from the way he ruts into you. Desire leaves his nerves on fire. The kisses you litter on his neck from below certainly don’t help. He’s weak to all of it – all of you. You moan loudly after a particularly hard thrust and he feels himself on the edge already.

You whimper. “Don’t slow down–”

“Gonna cum if I don’t,” Choso groans.

“I’m so close, please,” you beg. “Come with me—”

“Shit—”

“Choso, Choso, please—”

He lifts one of your legs over his shoulder and you nearly scream. He’s deeper — you feel him everywhere, up to your stomach, your heart. He pushes a palm lightly on top of your stomach and you can feel yourself ready to cry.

“I’m gonna – oh, fuck,” he gasps. 

“Me too,” you whimper.

He looks at you like he’s lovesick. Your nails dig into his broad shoulders as your eyes shut tightly, your mouth fallen open into an “O” as you mewl like something wounded. Your orgasm hits you like a tidal wave, washing all over you. He groans as his thrusts gets sloppier, until you feel his warmth fill you.

He keeps rocking into you, nose in your neck as he rides out his high. Thunder booms above you.

Once he’s spent, he pulls out of you, fumbling with some napkins he pulls from the seat pocket to clean up the mess. There’s a buzzing – his forgotten phone is on the floor, lit up with Yuji’s name. He curses under his breath.

You look at him, amused, as he stares at the thing.

“Pick it up.” You nudge his stomach with your foot.

He huffs, but obeys. “Hey, man. What? I didn’t have… service. That’s why. Yeah, I– uh, got a ride home and her tire blew out…”

You snicker as you pull your clothes back on, which earns you a glare. You watch him hang up and sigh. 

“Your brother coming to the rescue?” you ask.

“Yup.”

“What a good boy.”

He narrows his eyes at you, but doesn’t say anything else. He pulls his clothes on and sits beside you, examining the shadows on your face as you both listen to the rain.

“That was good,” you mumble.

He laughs dryly. “Yeah… it was.”

More seconds of silence. Choso clears his throat.

“Do you want to go out with me?” he blurts out.

You raise your brows and try not to laugh. “Aren’t we a little past that?”

“You know what I mean. Go on a date with me. Come over and watch The Ring with me.”

“Are you sure you’re not just trying to coax me into a round two?” you grin.

Choso studies you for a moment. Looks at you with a deadpan expression in his eyes. “I absolutely am trying to coax you into a round two.” A pause.

“But also, I want your company.”

Your face warms up with a smile. You feel overripe, sweet and slightly bruised. Wanting. Your lashes flutter at him.

“Deal.”

[calqlate]

THE LOVE & DEEPSPACE MLS AND THEIR KDRAMA ML COUNTERPARTS

INCLUDES: rafayel + sylus + xavier + zayne

WARNING(S): might be ooc bc i don't really keep up with the lore so there might be some inconsistencies (oops) (pls be gentle) (it's 10pm here and my brain is running on adrenaline) + contains some canon lore drops ig

MASTERLIST

NOTE(S): i will never stop inserting my fandoms into kdramas bc i love seeing worlds collide. anw pls partake in this brainrot with me 🤩

— RAFAYEL

ryu sunjae from lovely runner - they are both absolute losers for their respective lovers. i can picture rafayel in that one scene where sunjae was blowing kisses towards sol's house. no matter how hard his beloved tries to cut him out from their life to save him, he will always find his way back into their life.

jeong guwon from my demon - similar to sunjae, guwon is also another loser for his wife. (tbh i can imagine rafayel as a down bad simp for his lover; cue thomas sighing and shaking his head.) i can picture rafayel in the scene whereby guwon and dohee were doing that tango while fighting off their enemies too?!?!

lee yeon from tale of the nine-tailed - continuing the loser boy train, we have yeon as the final dude to add in this group. (specifically yeon from s2, bc the way he wanted to go back to his timeline so badly to see jiah matches rafayel's "the only person i'll ever love is my lover" energy.) their backstories also match in the sense that yeon never stopped searching for jiah and rafayel never stopped waiting for his bride.

— SYLUS

myulmang from doom at your service - not me choosing myulmang bc they both made contracts to their beloveds [clown emoji]. but nonetheless they're similar in the sense that they won't think twice about eliminating someone who hurts their lover.

shin wooyeo from my roommate is a gumiho - again, another contract situation. wooyeo is a "classier" version of sylus imo, and one who uses less pet names. if sylus were the ml in this kdrama, he would defo keep an even more watchful eye on his beloved so that she doesn't go about losing his fox bead. (aur naur iw to write a gumiho au for sylus now...)

lee youngjoon from what's wrong with secretary kim? - similar to youngjoon, sylus will never let his lover leave. they want to leave his mansion? he will try 101 (legal) ways to make them stay. they will find snacks they like in their room more often. they will find new (and expensive) clothes in their wardrobe. heck, even an all-expenses-paid vacation! he wants to keep them close to him; he's afraid of them upping him to leave.

— XAVIER

goo yeonjun from a time called you - like yeonjun, xavier has literally went back in time to save his beloved. he wants to see then safe and sound, and as long as they're happy, he's happy. as long as they're alive and breathing, he's fine with not being by their side. just watching them live their life is enough for him.

haru from extraordinary you - totally not projecting my all-time fav kdrama on him (or am i?) but xavier and haru have similar mannerisms and personality traits. yk how in the first few episodes danoh was dragging haru around and this guy just remained silent and followed along until one day he just started speaking? yeah that's the same with this guy. the person he likes could yap all day and he would willingly sit and listen.

moon seoha from see you in my 19th life - similar to seoha, xavier loves once in his life and he will only ever love his little star. he would never get over their death and if he's the one responsible for their death, he would be all the more upset with himself. he would throw himself into work all day and refuse to love again, thinking he shouldn't be able to fall in love ever again since he took his beloved's one chance of staying alive and happy away.

— ZAYNE

moon suho from black knight - they're both so overprotective of the one they love. the way suho essentially told sharon that haera is the only woman he would ever love is something i can picture zayne doing. if someone is out there trying to harm his beloved, you'd best believe zayne would do his best to prevent that from happening, even if it means giving up his own life.

lee suhyeok from bora! deborah - when zayne loves, he loves hard. like suhyeok, he's clumsy at expressing his affections, choosing to keep everything to himself and wait until he's 100% certain it's the right time to say whatever he wants to say. and sometimes, that can lead to disastrous endings (see also: suhyeok getting dumped on the same day he went to buy an engagement ring for his girlfriend). both men are careful to a fault, all the more so with their beloved because they're scared of losing someone precious to them again.

yoo jihyuk from marry my husband - zayne, like jihyuk, would willingly stand aside and watch the one he loves fall in love with someone else. he would be supportive and wouldn't try to fight for their affection. his motto is "if they're happy, i'm happy" and he can live being an unmarried old man as long as he sees them happy.

© CALQLATE. all rights reserved. please do not copy, modify, repost, or translate my works on any platform.

[saetoru]

✩ ‧₊˚ ✩。APOLOGIES — SHIDOU RYUSEI.

✩ — contents ⋮ fluff, gn! reader, established relationship, post argument make-up, annoying shidou as always, reposting bc it got marked w a label the first time even tho it’s sfw

dating shidou is not easy, it takes maturity and patience and the will of god’s strongest soldier. in fact, most of the time, dating shidou means you’re constantly drifting in and out of being mad at him—which, right now, you’re quite mad.

“shidou ryusei, it is one am,” you glare, opening your door and rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. he has a wolfish grin on his face—it’s cocky, and it widens as he stares you up and down in your little batman pajama pants. normally, you wouldn’t answer the door for someone you’re mad at, boyfriend or not, but shidou makes it hard to ignore with his incessant knocking.

you value your sleep—and more importantly, you value not being kicked from your apartment for noise complaints.

“aw, not the full government name,” he says slyly, and it only makes your blood pressure rise even more as you practically feel a vein pop.

“ryusei,” you warn. but he doesn’t pay attention, just as you expect. instead, he whistles lowly.

“i like the uniform. ‘s cute,” he cackles, eyeing the way your pants are hung a little lower on your hips from tossing around in bed, exposing a bit of skin that he drinks in shamelessly.

“thanks,” you say dryly, “they’re fuzzy and they were half off. now why are you here?”

“just visiting,” he shrugs.

“at one am?”

“it’s twelve fifty-two,” he corrects like he lives to defy you in every corner. and you bet he loves it—in fact, you know he’s positively enthused by the way your lips curl into a scowl and your eyes glare at him so fiercely. he stares down at the way your hips slant as your cross your arms, and he chuckles (which you think is almost passable as a giggle at the sheer giddiness.)

only shidou ryusei would be giddy from turning you halfway near homicidal, and only he would find the murderous glint in your eyes cute, wholesome.

“what do you want,” you say bluntly. he takes a step forward, and no matter how mad you are, you can’t help but stand painfully still as he leans closer, trying your damn hardest not to lean in when his hot breath fans over your face as he stares at you.

“your bed would be nice,” he hums, “preferably with you in it.”

he’s insufferable. everything he does and says makes you want to chuck bricks at his head and hope it fixes the loose wires he seems to have. but you don’t even get to finish saying, “fuck off, ryu—” before he cuts in.

“c’mon, don’t make me find a way in myself,” he curls his lips wickedly, like he’s got you in checkmate, like the cards have been in his favor all along as you play the game he’s written. but this time is different—this time, you’re determined not to let shidou take advantage of your weak heart through his rough and tough charms.

this time, you have a point to prove.

“i’m going to call the cops on you,” you threaten, “tell them i’m being harassed by a pink-haired freak.”

“i wouldn’t mind getting married in jail,” he grins, and you can practically make out the hearts in his eyes as he looks at you. it makes you want to slam the door in his face and go right back to bed. but that would only mean he’d go back to pounding on your door and singing your name, and you’re pretty sure you’re one more instance away from your neighbors collectively petitioning your eviction.

“i don’t want to marry you,” you hiss.

“don’t be like that,” he reaches to poke your cheek, “being inmates would be fun. we could give the officers a show as we fuck—”

“ryusei,” you hiss.

arguing with shidou always ends like this. he worms his way in and knocks down your walls without ever saying i’m sorry. he eases his way back into your heart with wide grins and cheeky comments and that charm of his that really shouldn’t be as endearing as it is. he never admits he’s wrong—but the way he tries harder the next time, makes sure he does it right, makes sure he’s better just for you, you know he cares. he never resolves things in the way you would consider the standard method of patching up after those unavoidable couple fights—but this time you decide it’s different. 

this time your feelings are hurt—really hurt. the kind of hurt that makes you wonder if you’re annoying. or if you talk a lot. or if he even wants to be around you. or that maybe you tire him out. or that the sound of your voice is grating. or that you overstep boundaries. 

this time there is no brushing the cracked shards of your heart under the rug and acting like he can kiss the pieces back together. this time you want to hear it from him—and if you have to stand at your door at ungodly hours of the morning and milk it out of him…well, you’re inclined to do that. 

“c’mon, babe. are you gonna keep me out here all night? lemme in—”

“you’re not coming in until you apologize,” you say bluntly. he groans, throws his head back, and slaps his hands over his face as he grumbles into his palms. 

“god, you’re killin’ me here. seriously, you know i didn’t mean it—”

“‘for fuck’s sake, i’m not your damn kid’,” you mock his voice from the other night, reminding him of his own words like he’s forgotten. he only stares at you with pursed lips and a blank face, but that doesn’t stop you, however, as you scowl at him and continue, “i don’t know. you seemed to really mean it when you said that.”

“i was just tired, you know that—”

“i was just trying to look out for you,” you don’t even seem like you’re listening to him anymore, poking a finger at his chest accusingly as he lets you, “i watch you sleep at unreasonable hours only to wake up before the sun itself—”

“yeah, and i told you i’d work on that—”

“and then i ask you, have you eaten today? and you know what you tell me? yeah, i had a protein shake this morning—”

“okay, and that was like one time—”

“and then i hear that you get into a fight, and lo and behold, you show up to my place with a bloody nose and cracked knuckles—”

“but you should’ve seen the other guy—”

“and then i come over to your apartment, and your laundry isn’t done, your dishes aren’t washed, and you have eighty million socks on the floor,” you start to put a finger up for everything you list, making him fiercely fight back a chuckle that he knows would seal his death wish, “and all i try to do is take care of you so that you can be healthy and play your best and what do you do? yell at me and tell me it’s not my responsibility to—”

you’re cut off by lips pressing onto yours harshly, the rough feeling of a calloused hand cupping your cheeks and bringing you closer. and maybe if you had a bit more self-respect, you would shove away the rude, ungrateful, irritating, tacky-haired douchebag of a boyfriend that stands in front of you, but you simply choose to lose all dignity when it counts most. you choose to give in, melt into his touch, lean closer and fist his shirt as your lips press back just as firm. 

and when he gently pushes you back, you let him. you even let him step into your apartment and spin you around, shutting the door and pressing your back against the cool surface. his body cages you so that there’s no room for escape—not that you think you could even run from him now that he’s let himself in, anyway. but with one more peck to your lips, he pulls away, pressing his forehead against yours as he clicks his teeth and sighs. 

“fine, i’m fuckin’ sorry. ‘s that what you wanted to hear?”

“not if you’re only saying it to make me un-mad,” you say stubbornly.

he clicks his teeth again, shoots you a look of irritation that you return tenfold. “‘m sayin’ it ‘cus i want to, dumbass. you think i’d say that shit just to say it?”

“i don’t know, you’re rude,” you shrug, not meeting his eyes. he rolls his eyes before he leans in and kisses your cheek, then the other, then the tip of your nose, then just over your brow, then your eyelid—and when he sees the beginnings of a smile crack on your lips, he nibbles on your cheek and pulls a soft giggle from you against your will. 

“said i was fuckin’ sorry, stop being stubborn.”

“don’t yell at me again,” you huff, “and fix your sleep schedule.”

“okay.”

“and eat proper meals.”

“fine.”

“and maybe clean up.”

“kay, i’ll try. happy?”

“and stop getting into fights—”

“let’s set realistic expectations, here,” he cuts you off, earning a huff from you. but you seem significantly less angry—and he’s glad. because sleeping without your body to squeeze in the dead of night and not hearing you hum that stupid song you always listen to as you wash dishes and not getting those back to back pings on his phone as you spam him with daily updates is starting to get to him. so he wraps an arm around your waist, tugs you flush against his chest as meets your gaze, “are you still mad? because then you’re just being difficult.”

“no,” you sigh, making him grin.

“good.”

“i just love you,” you mumble, and there’s that cute, innocent little pout that you always do tugging at your lips, the one that drives him mad and reminds him he’s just as in love too. “i want what’s best for you—”

“yeah, yeah,” he grunts, “okay. i love you too. i’ll start being more responsible and shit. now can i come to bed?”

“fine,” you cave, “but—”

“great, let’s go,” he drags you along, not wasting a moment before your body is tossed onto the mattress and his lands on top of you, head tucking into your neck. and it’s warm—where his lips are, where he traces kisses along the awaiting skin. 

dating shidou ryusei is exhausting—but there are a few perks, you have to admit. 

“you’re a headache,” you murmur, threading your fingers through his hair. he snorts, shakes his head from his place in your neck, earning a small giggle from you at the way it tickles. 

“yeah? so are you with your nagging.”

“i don’t nag,” you slap his shoulder. he laughs—it’s that low, soft rumble that he only laughs around you, when his head is tucked into your neck, and your hands rub up and down his back, and he’s content. 

and maybe a little in love. 

“you do. but i love it, it’s hot when you’re mad.”

“go to sleep, ryusei,” you roll your eyes. and then you wait a moment or two—just so he doesn’t get a big head when you begrudgingly mumble, “and i love you too.”

half of this is just filler with dialogue but wtv. take this lil scenario in my head of arguing w shidou bc he’s a living train wreck

[okkotsuus]

Can you write the seeing your ex as your boyfriend qwith nagi, shidou, sae, and kaiser?

ex encounters (bllk pt.3) !

features: seishiro n. ryusei s. sae i. michael k.

contents: nagi and ryu are adults bc i need them to be out of blue lock. ig hurt comfort. established relationship. strong language. shidou is himself. violence (shidou). killing threats (shidou). banter. sae treats the ex like rin when he gets back from spain <3. theatrics (kaiser). being physically imposing (all but sae’s shortass). in the kaiser one the ex doesn’t try to get back with the reader. 2.2k words

tw for the exes: childhood lovers. overbearing. falling out of love. got beat up by shidou. narcissist. can’t take a goddamn hint. accusations of cheating. cheating. lack of trust. invasion of privacy (phone). yelling. throwing things. control issues. 

pt.1 — pt.2 — pt.4

nagi would be one of two things: annoyed or just not caring. he’ll most likely go from not caring to annoyed if your ex continues to persist or gets too familiar.

you were waiting outside of the stadium for nagi, he had just had a game and you were driving him home because driving was ‘a drag.’ the game had just let out so there were crowds of people pouring out. when something brushes against you, you ignore it; thinking it was just someone who didn’t realize you were standing there while walking past. but when it becomes a repeated tap, you turn in mild annoyance.

y’know, your boyfriend’s soccer game is not really the place you would have expected to see your childhood boyfriend. well, you kind of planned to never see him again, as you had moved far, far away from that town for university. but life was a bitch.

“y/n, hey! didja see the game? that nagi guy was super cool!” he was the exact same, just a little sharper around the edges. but that didn’t mean you exactly wanted to see him, you weren’t friends and you didn’t want to be: plus you already had a boyfriend who you loved very much.

“yeah, he is.” you kept as curt as possible, trying to communicate how little you wanted to talk to him. but you did remember that he was quite pushy with something he wanted. and your memory tends to serve you right, including now.

“say, how about you and i go get a drink? i’d love to catch up with ya!” you hesitated, very much not knowing what to say. thankfully whatever higher power there is decided to be merciful on you and send reinforcements.

reinforcements in the form of your boyfriend, seishiro nagi. “hey, y/n- oh, who’s this?” nagi idly walked to you, allowing you to notice that the stadium had completely cleared out in the time that you had been speaking with your ex. your ex sort of just stares at him for a moment, vaguely starstruck.

“oh my god you know him? that’s all the more reason to get back together with you!” your eyes widen, surprised at his boldness. nagi just stares at the dude, standing closely at your side. he thinks the guy will just eventually go away; but you know better.

“actually, he’s my-”

“let’s go get that drink now, you can bring him too!”

“i’m their boyfriend, you’re annoying.” with that nagi drapes himself over you, resting his head on your shoulder. your ex tries to sputter out a response but the lidded glare that nagi shoots him from behind you quickly shuts him up, leaving him to stumble away.

you just giggle as nagi huffs, grumbling about “how pesky” that was. you turn to rest your forearms on his shoulders, tracing his sleepy face with your eyes. he presses a kiss to your hairline and decides to finally address you.

“glad i didn’t have’ta fight that hard for ya, would’ve, but it would’ve been so tiring…”

shidou would straight up kill the guy if you let him, like you have to physically restrain him or pspsps him back to you like a mf cat so he doesn’t actually murder somebody.

shidou had left you for just one minute to go “take a massive dookie” as he proclaimed so very loudly in the middle of the diner. you were exasperated, but remained in your seat while idly sipping at whatever drink he ordered; payback for publicly embarrassing you yet again.

while he was gone, your food came out, as per policy: it was brought out by the cook. the cook who had, by the spin of a wheel, turned out to be your ex. to be honest, there was nothing wrong with him, the two of you just mutually fell out of love. well, at least you thought.

because here was your ex chatting you up, holding the serving tray which was long emptied of the ordered food. “how’ve you been bab- sorry, y/n?” that’s suspicious. you just mumbled out a one-word response and continued sipping your boyfriend’s drink.

“what do we have here? some bastard swooping in on what’s mine while i went to take a shit!?” shidou’s loud voice booms from the other side of the diner, you began to rapidly chug his drink as payback for the scene you knew he was about to cause. 

your ex sort of just gawks at him for a moment, most likely due to what had just come out of his loud-ass mouth. also due to his physicality: he was like a male model with his bigass, lion-esque eyeliner and dyed hair, not to mention the atrocious fit he picked out just because he knew you hated that shirt. shidou was a sight to see, you really wished you didn’t have to look at him, especially since he insisted on making your life a living hell.

shidou sort of lunged at the guy, you felt bad, you really did. but what were you supposed to do, jump in front of him and go “stop!! this isn’t you!!” you would rather die.

“I’LL KILL YOU FUCKER!!” you finished his drink and set it down, letting out a refreshed sigh as you finally decided to deal with your man-child roach boyfriend. he was currently shaking your ex by the collar, a bruise visible just under his left eye.

you grabbed shidou by the back of his collar and yanked, you hoped it would end up ripping that horrendous shirt but it sadly did not. shidou just looked at you, still shaking him.

“pspsps, drop it, don’t make me get the spray bottle.” immediately your ex was released. he kind of just sat on the ground next to the reeling man, who stared up at you through his antenna bangs with a deadpan. you were constantly done with him, but he was also constantly done with you.

“y/n, what the fuck?”

“shhh… good boy, now go pay the tab so we can just leave before the police get here <3” shidou just grumbled and went to go pay the astounded cashier while you wolfed down your food. if you were gonna risk an obstruction of justice charge at least you were gonna eat those damn hash browns.

shidou returned and you dragged him away from his food, which he had brought a box for. while he yelled about that you just kept pulling him out; which he let you.

“i’m not gonna apologize for defending what’s mine, yer mine and the world should fucking know it.”

sae would be so deadpan, to the point where you even begin to wonder if he actually cares. once he gets tired of trying to give your ex a hint he just tells him that he’s “lukewarm” and pulls you away.

the last thing you expected was to be getting hit on by your boyfriend’s opponent. the striker for the team that sae was playing against just happened to be your ex. what can you say, you like soccer players, no shame in having a type.

what you also didn’t expect was for it to be while you were literally standing next to sae, like: your ex sauntered up to you, saw you were with a guy, and proceed to try and rizz you up. it would be funny if you didn’t hate his guts. he’s and egotistic maniac off the field and he sucks on field. its like a child bragging about something their parents did; he gets spoonfed easy shots by the rest of his team.

“hey y/n, whatdya say after we win; you come back to my place? i’ve been meaning to try to ask you out again…” this was the fifth time now that he’s asked that, all of the other times you just dodged it or changed the subject. but you were seriously getting annoyed, and sae’s lack of interest was getting to you.

“no. i have a boyfriend.” he just scoffed at you, clearly not believing you.

“if it’s this guy, i’d expect better from you. unless you wanted to seriously downgrade after dating me!” he began to laugh so obnoxiously that you swear you were about to pop a vein.

a tongue clicked next to you and you saw your boyfriend glowering at the man, as if he were scum on the bottom of his shoe. “you’re lukewarm. i’ll beat you five to zero.”

with that, sae pulled you away from your fuming ex. his hand was gentle in holding yours, contrasting the chilling expression he had displayed on his soft features just seconds earlier. he leads you to your seat in the vip section and goes to warm-up.

sae proceeds to crush your ex 5-0, scoring every single goal. his team is a bit confused but guesses what’s going on when sae counts out the remaining goals to the opposite team’s striker like a countdown.

when the game’s finished, sae walked up to the divider and hops it, pulling you up by your hand and looking directly at the camera.

“this is y/n, they are my significant other, don’t hit on them unless you can beat me at football, like [ex’s name] tried to.”

kaiser would be more offended than you. this dramatic mf would create a whole scene, he’s the one freaking out about it and you’re trying to calm him down. i hate his bitchass.

you had known kaiser for a long time before you started dating him. you met him while you were still with your ex in fact. one thing that your ex hated the most was the fact that you knew him, claiming that he was always trying to ‘get with you.’

he even went as far as to go through your phone to try to find evidence of you cheating on him. but when he looked through your texts with kaiser, he only found our that you already knew that he was actually cheating on you, which was true. your ex had been hitting up others, one of them messaging you after he posted you on your birthday.

you broke up with him that night, because you were already planning to and because you were so mad he looked through your phone. he lost it. you had to shut yourself in the bathroom while he threw dishes and shouted, you called kaiser in tears and had to have him sneak you out of the bathroom window. it was the worst night of your life.

so now when he stands in front of you, while your hand is intertwined with the man who made him so insecure, you were prepared for whatever shitshow was about to happen. what you didn’t expect was kaiser to lose his shit.

“the hell you think yer doin’ here, can’t believe you dare to show your rat face in front of them again.” his voice is cold as he glares at them with his chin tilted up in disgust. you were more amused than anxious now, it was truly endearing that he cared this much.

“tch. i knew you were cheating on me with him, should’ve never let you talk to this bastard.”

“ex-fucking-cuse me?” kaiser was rolling up his sleeves to his elbows and beginning to approach your ex, who began to shrink back. kaiser was not the least intimidating person: his tall stature and lithe muscles coupled with his calculating cerulean gaze made a dangerous figure.

in an effort to keep the peace, you tug at the back of his shirt. he stops immediately and turns to you, gaze turning from hollow to warm so fast that it almost gives you whiplash. you can visibly see his pupils dilate as his gaze reaches yours, just that was enough to fall in love with him.

“c’mon mein Kaiser, don’t let someone like him bother you…” his form loosened, clearly in agreeance. you ex began to shout obscenities, but when the cruel blue gaze reached him again, it was quickly silent. he left in a storming rage, deciding to play it safe. 

your boyfriend rests his hands on your hips and rests his forehead against yours, his lashes fluttering shut.

“can’t help it, meine liebe, anyone who dares to hurt you deserves the wrath of dein Kaiser.”

okkotsuus 23

[goyurim]

“even though im here?” “yes.”

“even when i told you how i felt?” “yes.”

seok ryu's rejection sounds so harsh but it makes perfect sense given how much she thinks loving her is conditional. given the way her parents have always treated her, she's grown up to believe that she cannot allow herself to be a burden, only someone who'll carry burdens for the people in her life. she carries on this belief into her workplace, to the point that people use and abuse her - she only realises she cannot take it anymore when her fiancé's own mental health starts getting negatively impacted by her health issues, which are something completely out of her control.

she says she doesn't need love anymore when she rejects hyeon jun's second attempt at proposing bc she's finally realised that that's what a huge part of love is - being a burden on someone - and she knows hyeon jun is not the type of person who's ready to be on the receiving end of that kind of love right now. what she hasn't realised yet is that not everyone is hyeon jun. or her parents. or her coworkers. but when everyone in your life reaffirms your false beliefs, well, you tend to get biased.

seok ryu's always been there for seung hyo at his lowest. she's always been there for moral support when he had no one else. when she tells seung hyo's coworkers that she practically raised him, it's part bragging, but it's also true from her perspective, she offered him unconditional love like a parent would (like his own parents should have), without ever expecting anything in return. she did it out of the goodness of her heart, bc that's just who she is, that's who she's always been.

but somewhere along the way she convinced herself that that's all she could ever be to him, someone he could rely on. bc he deserves that, to be loved in a way that he could be a burden on her. that's why she refuses his love for her, she even literally calls it imprinting. bc if she didn't offer all that support to him, would he still like her? if the roles were reversed, would seung hyo ever pull seok ryu out of rock bottom? given his quiet and reserved nature? probably not.

but that's not true! at least not anymore! as seung hyo keeps insisting, they're not kids anymore. they're equals now. we see time and time again how attentive seung hyo is to seok ryu's needs, in his own quiet way, how he's always there for her, at arm's length in case she wants to reach out. he knows she's strong and masks her pain with humour, and doesn't like to be seen when she's struggling, so he doesn't offer her his shoulder to cry on. instead, he sits next to her, walks behind her, tries to reach out to her parents and work out issues with them without her knowledge. he's not imprinting on her anymore, he actively takes care of her.

when seung hyo says he loves seok ryu, he loves her in every way she deserves to be loved. she can be both the person who feels fulfilled by carrying people on her back, and also the one who wants to be carried when she gets tired. she can be strong and weak and emotional and mean and angry and sweet and kind and ambitious and funny and loud and quiet and everything she wants to be. he's seen every side of her and he loves every part of it equally.

[waterkittywriting]

Oohmygofd pleaaase plsplspls write bulimic reader... As some1 who's bulimic i will die if u do (positively)

BSD Men with a bulimic!reader

Warnings: Bulimia, not proofread, vomit type purging, very self inserted and based off my experiences, bad body image, reader is not underweight, hurt/comfort, a couple usages of (name) in akutagawa's bc I just can't see this man using pet names

Characters: Akutagawa, Chuuya

A/N: I'm sooo glad I'm not the only one who wanted this.. I was really hesitant to write it bc my blog is entirely smut and that usually does better than hurt/comfort, angst, or fluff, but if I'm not the only person who wants it I'm deffy gonna write it!! I don't really like Akutagawas I definitely didn't do him justice but I loveeeee chuuya's

Akutagawa

- Probably will not notice until you tell him.. just thinks you're sick or something when he hears coughing noises from the bathroom.

- From then on he's really concerned, he'll probably do a lot of research on it (w/o you knowing ofc)

- Will try and get you into treatment, even just IOP, but if you refuse HE is going to monitor everything your eating

- If you do end up binging in the middle of the night or while he's not there, the bathroom is off limits for the next 45 minutes.

- He will literally stand in the way of the doorway if you try to go, he's not risking anything.

- If you try not to eat too much the next day to 'make up for it' he'll sit with you while you eat and give you encouraging words here and there, but neither of you are getting up till your finished.

One shot

You're kneeled over the bathroom toilet, the back of a toothbrush nudging your throat, when you let out a loud gag. You immediately take the toothbrush out and cover your mouth.. you had learned to be so quiet after akutagawa found out about your eating disorder, how could you let that happen?

You hear footsteps approaching the bathroom door before three short knocks. "Yeah, Ryū?" You ask, your voice was raspy and you sounded like you had been crying. Fuck, he knows.

"..(Name) are you alright? Are you doing something you shouldn't?" His voice was sharp, like he was angry. You knew he wasn't, you knew he would never be angry at your for something like this.. just.. upset, but you can't help the guilt that courses through your body at his words.

"No." You choke out, shuffling to shove the toothbrush back in the holder. "I heard gagging." You clear your throat, trying to get rid of the rasp. "Um.. I wasn't. Just coughing. I'm not feeling well." You call out, quickly flushing your thrown up dinner down the toilet. "I'll be out in a second."

You dig in the drawers for your perfume, air freshener, dry shampoo, anything you can spray to cover up the smell of your throw up, but you couldn't find anything. So you hesitantly clean your hands and leave the bathroom with the overwhelming smell of vomit filling it.

"Hey, love." You mumble, sitting down next to him on the couch, your voice shaky. "..(Name), don't lie to me. I know what you were doing." He mumbles, placing his hand on the back of your head, pulling you closer to him. You blink back tears as you push your face into his chest. "Im sorry.. I'm so so sorry.. I didn't mean to.. I didn't.." you choke out, sniffling.

"Don't apologize to me, dear. I'm not mad, or even upset. Just.. concerned. You told me you would stop." His voice sounded sympathetic, something you weren't used to with him. The smell of cigarette smoke hung on your jacket, a scent you had grown to love and found comforting since meeting him. The way his lanky, boney, ring covered fingers glided through your hair, his soft voice, it all comforted you, it all told you it was okay to cry.

His heart ached at the little gasps and sniffles and whimpers you let out whilst sobbing into his chest. It made him want to start bawling with you, but of course he wouldn't. He could never appear weak to you. "I'm sorry- I'm so sorry Ryu- I just can't stop- I can't stop no matter how hard I try.." you sob, hands moving to cling onto the fabric of his shirt. "I'm so sorry!"

"Oh baby.." he sighed. You didn't want to look up, you know he's looking down with pity. Pity you didn't want. "It's alright. I don't want you to cry, it's not your fault.. I understand- well, no, I don't. I don't understand, but I want to help you." Wrapping his arms around you, he leans into your head, the scent of your shampoo filling his nose.

That's where you two lay for the rest of your night, him whispering comforting words in your ears, giving you all the love you could ever ask for, something you'd never expect from a man like him.

Chuuya

- He notices within the first month of FRIENDSHIP

- The way you get up and scurry off to the bathroom after every meal you share, the guilt on your face after grabbing a third serving at the party you two are at, how quick you shove shit down your throat before tears well up in your eyes and you excuse yourself.. all of it.

- He definitely cares, but probably won't confront you about it till later on in the friendship if you're still having trouble

- He won't just send you a lousy "have you been eating properly?" Text either, he's gonna invite you over to his house making it known you two are gonna have a serious conversation, then sit you down in his living room then prod and probe till you admit it.

- If you're still struggling w/ it when you're dating/when you move in together (which you probably are bc eds are harsh) he'll be like Akutagawa and monitor everything you eat, just a little more stealthily

- He is not afraid to tell you to slow down if you seem to be overeating.. he takes the binging just as seriously as the purging.

Oneshot

You had awakened in the middle of the night with a need for food. Anything you could get your hands on you needed inside of you asap.

You quickly and carefully slipped out of his arms and out of bed, tip toeing to the kitchen and flicking the light on. The first thing you see is a brand new box of cereal you had bought today, Chuuya hadn't had it in awhile, it was his favorite as a kid and he seemed happy while buying it. Guilt tote through you when you ripped open the box and shuffled handfuls into your mouth, before discarding the half empty box on the ground.

You reached for the cake you two had made for your birthday last week, taking fistfuls with your bare hands and shoving the icing covered cake in your mouth.

After shoving everything in vicinity down your throat, you open the fridge to find a diet coke, or a regular, just anything with bubbles.. anything with carbonation to help you get this all up better. Anything. Your eyes land on an energy drink you had bought yesterday.. you were saving it for today, but in your eyes you needed it now.

You crack it open and glug it down, before looking at the mess you made on the floor. Empty boxes, half eaten cake, a carton of half eaten cookies, an empty bowl that was previously filled with salad, an empty milk carton.. you felt sick to your stomach. You needed this out of you now. Now.

You quietly tip toe to the bathroom, turning off the kitchen lights behind you and locking the door behind you, kneeling on the ground in front of the toilet. You hated doing this, you hated how gross you felt hovering over something where your ass went.. but you needed it gone. You couldn't gain weight.. you already felt so fat as it is no matter how much chuuya tried to convince you you're average.. you just couldn't believe it. Looking in the mirror all you could see was piles of fat.

You push the back of your toothbrush down your throat, gagging almost silently as the first few things came up. You recognized some chocolate, veggies, something.. red.. you didn't want to think about it too much as you shoved the toothbrush back down your throat. You watched as everything you ate came up opposite to the order you had it in.

Finally, you recognize barely chewed lumps of cereal fall into the toilet, and after you throw up stomach acid mixed with dark blood, you sigh, wipe your mouth and stand up, flushing the toilet, and clean yourself up.

Walking out of the bathroom, you see the kitchen lights on. Fuck. You could've sworn you turned those off.

Your ginger haired boyfriend turns the corner from the kitchen, looking you dead in the eyes with disappointment on his face. You wished you could just evaporate. "Love, what is this?" He sounded.. exasperated. Tired of you, tired of your illness, tired of having a girlfriend who can't just eat normally. You were tired of it too, but the Internet made recovery seem so much easier than it really was.

Tears flow out of your eyes as you wipe the remaining spit dribbling from your mouth away. "Did you throw up?" He sighs.. you can't tell if he's being sympathetic or if he's annoyed. Maybe both. All you can muster is a nod before you fall into his chest, letting out broken sobs and choking out apologies. From where you are you can glance into the kitchen, noticing he had cleaned up the little mess you made.

God, not only did he have to deal with such an emotional, disordered girlfriend.. he had to clean up after you too? You felt like such a terrible person, like you didn't deserve his love.

"Cmon, sweetie, let's go to bed. Let me tuck you in." He mutters sleepily. "Don't apologize.. don't apologize, it's not your fault. You know I'm not mad." His whispers comfort you and make you feel worse at the same time, you didn't understand it. "I'm not mad, just worried. I could never be mad at you." He speaks softly, nudging you towards the open door of your bedroom.

You whimper and sniffle as he tucks you into bed, before getting back in himself and wrapping his arms around your waist. He leans in, whispering sweet nothing's in your ear, tracing shapes in your hip, telling you you're beautiful and it'll all be okay until you fall asleep.

When you wake up the next morning, Chuuya isn't there. He must've gone to work already. You see a small note on the bedside table next to you, and hesitantly pick it up to read its contents.

"Hey doll, I'm sorry I left for work before we could talk about this in-person, and I definitely have a plan to speak to you about it tonight. But I wanted to let you know I'm not mad at you, nor am I upset with you, I'm just concerned for your well-being and safety. I want to get you into some treatment program because I'm not trained in this, and I don't really know how to help. I know this isn't entirely about your weight or how your body looks, but baby believe me when I say you're beautiful. You are the most gorgeous girl I have ever laid my eyes on and I am so lucky to have you. You are not 'too much' and your emotional baggage is not too much for me to carry. Even if it was, it's worth it for a girl as sweet and caring as you.

Love, Chuuya"

You hold the note close to your chest and push yourself backwards into bed, draping the covers over yourself and falling back asleep with his letter held close.