#it's just bc of the rune bomb but anyways

[archdevilsupreme]

Fellow arsonists and dearest onlookers,

THIS is the reminder you needed to maybe, just maybe, remember some idiot dragging along Cazador's corpse all around Baldur's Gate (for like most of Act 3, as I kinda ran into this palace at level 9 like a fucking idiot not knowing where tf I am until I thought, oh just fuck it and go through with it now (I did die a lot...)

I would like to present the "Bag Of Death- Shenanigans" to you!

These determined adventurers swore themselves to be as fucking ✨dramatic✨ as possible.

So they started putting every corpse of their enemies in a backpack. Which they then put into their camp chest. While they do often fight about who is a worse influence on the other, they can agree on being insufferable as a team thus I need you to imagine Mazikeen (my Tav) arranging this pile of corpses while Lord Fangs is just standing by complimenting her on the creative display and giving signature sass. He's not helping. Of course he's not. Why should he, his job is to make this shit burn. He's also 15 points behind on strength compared to her. I love the thought of her moving and carrying stuff for his majesty, Lord Fangs.

But anyway.... I'm straying...

Their teammates hate them & their bullshittery, all these two wanna do is commit arson all the fucking time. You thought Karlach is starting fires? Nuh uh, it's this hellfire duo, they're just little devils, all mischief, all mayhem- all the time. I love them for this. (Tbh we all know it's just me, I'm Fãerun's most pathetic revenge seeking arsonist.)

Also Astarion very much deserved to igni the fuck out of this pile (what a weird way to spell Cazador).

Thank you for your attention, here's to having fun with fire!

[ganondoodle]

(new totk rewritten)

some a bit less structured ideas/current plans

im reusing the forgotten plateau as the tutorial area for the totk rewrite .... but its INSIDE; you get put there after the start by rauru and have to rebuild the bracelet thingy around his arm bc it got destroyed/damaged in the struggle with ganondorf and the bracelet thing is what has the abilities instead of just .. him? having it somehow? but also not for some reason? bc i find that more believable and lends itself well to gaining one after the other by putting its parts back together (it also feels a bit more controlled in a way, not everyone would have been allowed to have them back in his days)

consider it like .. raurus secret basement, as his castle was also put on the forgotten plateau (but not in the spot of the citadel of time bc wtf, and by now its gone like most else he built), with it being all underground and without a map you wouldnt even know where you are (also i find it to be in character; id imagine it was still called the cradle of hyrule even without the kingdom being there- and thats where he got the idea from to name his "new" kingdom 'hyrule'- not knowing that was its name before)

(as of now the addmittedly cool moment of first jumping down from the canon totk tutorial isnt included but that can still change also i personally think its pretty cool to have to climb all the way up to the sky before getting to explore it- plus the sky is mainly for shiekah stuff since they are so .. having to do with celestial stuff and the sonau in the rewrite are from the underground- though theres little actual sonau stuff left and the shiekah were there too bc its been a long ass time after all)

its not in great shape overall and some rooms have been discovered by the ancient shiekah in the past who studied the bracelet parts they found and use that research to make the stasis and bomb runes (at least), since im bringing back the bombs and the time reversal is what the stasis rune was based on- at the end of which you have to fight a miniboss monster sent after you by gan (bc he damn well knows where rauru would flee to) get your first heart container and are let go into the world

i know its way more strict and less free but it could be a big basement and honestly i dont think trying to copy the fantastic tutorial that is the forgotten plateau in botw is the best idea bc it will almost certainly feel like a worse copy, so id just go for something that doesnt chain itself to attempting to imitate it

(the final battle will also take place on the forgotten plateu, but after the switch and rauru starting to changing hyrule to what he wants it to be its lifted up and he brings his castle back on it- which will be a dungeon on its own)

(another more random thought, i do want the aesthetic of the sonau to be more like they were in botw, the ruins you can find in it are the ones from other sonau that survived on the surface without tech past rauru doing the whole thing with ganondorf and everthing but their numbers having been rather low and dwindling over time anyway- but perhaps rauru has a bit of a different idea, in part bc he is older and still attached to their older style that didnt evolve any further and ... it might just be his personal taste to some degree xD

which ALSO makes sense bc if there were other sonau still alive even after rauru did his thing, it would be logical that the remains of their ruins were in better shape (in the rewrite theres barely anything of sonau architecture left until the switch and rauru bringing it back)- they still lived there for quite some time after all- while the ones from rauru largely fell victim to time or to people intentionally getting rid of it bc surely not everyone was loyal to him)

(also an idea for the gerudo sage, there was one loyal to rauru who did do his bidding but in the temple thing she was supposed to wait for rauru was hunted down by 'koume and kotake' -which im not sure if i want them to be gans moms or his daughters bc i also like that idea, im still working with the totk canon thing of it being a new ganondorf btw bc it just works better for this scenario im working with atm- and they took her place guarding the stone hoping that gan would first return there -perhaps its like extra difficult and rather intentionally structured to be anti rauru in way, and less like gan having overtaken it- .. plus i like the idea of you being able to return there after the switch bc you could get a bit extra lore and story for gans background bc he surely wouldnt have wanted to find them there- he might not even have known they were there bc he never managed to break into this temple so the things that stop you in it when you first do it alongside rauru were all placed there by the two and not gan)

[druidgroves]

Hi there! I saw ur reblog of that oc ask post and am here to stare intently at you until I hear about your favorite little fellas(this is a joke btw dont feel nervous, I am not really staring at you) Also! Nice head banner, I take it a fan of fallout? So am i! I did notice in ur tags that it would be cool to drop some info about my own ocs and what do you know! I got some fallout buddies too(I'm assuming you have fallout ocs but I got no idea so pls tell if I'm right or not here lol)

If you'll like to hear, ive got about 7 or so fallout ocs? I've got One ghoul who I named vith, Shes my 76 vault dellwer who after roughly a year out in the wastes got unlucky and had a bomb drop on her head while doing her monthly shopping trip to white springs. Then I got my 101 vautie naned minx! She was a somewhat bratty daddy's girl and nearly died while trying to find her dad. While on deaths door this... Thing/eldritch horror manges to convice her to let it in and they're do the hard work of finding her dad for her. She agrees and the smoggy radiation filled thing claws inside her and takes over. Minx as she was fades to the background and the Thing slowly learns how to be human.

Next up is my complicated family Trio of "solo" survivors. First of which is Six! She ended up accidentally released 10 years earlier than the normal Fallout 4 time frame and instead of heading down into sanctuary and fulfilling the main quest line she turned tails and runs away. She eventually find her finds her way all the way over to New Vegas picks up at a courier job and get shot in the head. Six as she now goes by cant remember anything of her life before that bullet and after finishing up everything under sun she can in Vegas, Six tracks down her trail back to where she came. Took nearly 5 damn years but she arrives back to the Commonwealth but just in time to meet my other two solo survivors! Which are Kiin, angry and grieving mother and thier old lady neighbor Aaz whos a wanna be baseball player. Never got to play professionally and instead became a carpenter. Mostly pretty chill. On the flip is Kiin who is FULL throttle and ends up doing some awful shit before finally snapping out of her blinding anger with the decision to have to replace high confessor tektus. While in disbelief at first she became a believer in atom over the course of infiltrating the nucleus

And now lastly but not least in the slightest are my two synth courser characters, Lo10 and KO01. I havent touched Lo in so long damn, anyway both gals are trans women and exs. Both hate each other's guts, well lo does. K's doesnt care beyoud that fact Lo got away instead of staying dead which cant stand if her plans are to go smoothly. Lo wears her heart on her sleeve and was quick to join the railroad after managing to Escape. I need to work on her more. And now finally onto K, she is like one of if not my favorite oc out of all of my guys. She gets elected to become a prototype NextGen synth that is made to act as a "wasteland hero" and bc the Institutes goals are so skewed she takes it upon herself to infiltrate different groups across the Commonwealth and a little bit beyond and take them down from the inside. normally ending in fiery explosions. In the timeline in which K is the only player character runing around her story ends with the destruction of major group above ground the Minutemen the Brotherhood the entirety of far Harbor and many settlements that kind of grew to be pretty big. She took them down with a smile and a knife to their backs. Upon returning home her Quest finally fulfilled The Institute attempts to deactivate her. The key word being attempt there, turns out when they recoded K to become their next generation wasteland hero they messed up a little and one, forgot to make is so she could sleep and two add in a deactivation code whoopies~. Anyway that leads K to locking down the Institute and killing everyone inside before leaving to carry her trail of destruction to the wider Wasteland.. For my major timeline with all if my guys in it her full story is unclear but she would 100% end up taking up the role of the main villan. Would have acted a follower to Kiin for a time and helped her while in far harbour and then destroy the town after gaining it's trust. Only after Kiin had left of course.

And uh thats about it. Hope you liked hearing about my gals, I could ramble on and on about them. Now having shared my fellas could I hear a bit about yours?

hello & WHOA !!! thank you for telling me abt ur fallout ocs !!! Vith sounds very cool just bc I haven't played much of FO76 & the idea of one of the 76 dwellers eventually turning into a ghoul is awesome!

im a huge fallout fan as well & have a few ocs bouncing around on my blog, though my main ones are my canon divergent sole survivor georgia, my courier six temperance/em, & my lone wanderer florence/flora! i'd go into more detail but im on my lunch break rn & don't have a lot of time, but all their tags + tags for other ocs can be found here :) i talk about georgia the most tho bc she became very important to me very fast lol

[awellboiledicicle]

I was told to extrapolate to Fallout

First: Marika and Radagon are Glowing Ones that kept their sanity in a Vault that leaks rads.

Second: the greater will is some fucker squatting in Vault Tec Regional Headquarters that's been sending messages to the vault since the bombs dropped. Two fingers and Elden Beast are reps from Vault tec that were doing a tour when bombs dropped. They are in charge of interpreting whatever get wired through. They made Marika Overseer.

Godfrey was a waste lander that got into the vault with his gang of knights and no one wanted the fuss of actually kicking him out so they let him stay.

Godwin, when the vault opened up later, befriended the dragons-- aka deathclaws.

The Tarnished Long March was Marika hoping Godfrey could sus out what the fuck Vault Tec was playing at.

Omen in this are just a mutation a la fo76, they're just visually interesting in terms of being fucking huge. They still have horns, they're just better cared for because even if there were a shunning ground in the Vault, humans can have cutaneous horns anyway so managing them isnt wild. The vault doctors just had to limit visits, per The Beast.

Rennala is a scientist, and the Academy is still a college but banned study into rad weaponry.

Rykard gene spliced himself and shot up with FEV. Man is a mass of irradiated flesh in a basement that Tanith feeds mercs to.

Ranni essentially yoinked a synth body that was going to be used to replace her mentor and uploaded herself. Godwin wanted in, but in a synthetic deathclaw that she rigged together for him. The process glitched and left Godwin in a coma.

The twin prodigies Malenia and Miquella cane about just before full ghoulish happened. Miquella may have implanted Malenia with something to mimic VATS once her eyesight started to go. He didn't clarify.

Godwin helped the twins found Halig, a settlement of their own, before his coma.

Blaidd is literally just a doggo with unnatural int skill. Iji is a very old merc that keeps watch on Ranni at her "rise" aka she lives in a nice tower overlooking the academy. Adula is a deathclaw she tamed while learning about them for Godwin. Seluvis is an institute guy. Has a bunch of inactive synth bodies and maintains Ranni.

Everyone still hates him.

The Roundtable is another vault but it's considered haunted as shit bc it kinda is.

Roderika is just a very gifted gunsmith. Hewg is still a blacksmith.

The Shattering is Marika breaking the comm hub to Vault tec and the runes are components. Yes this is the weak part but its midnight and I'm brainstorming.

Torrent is just Like That

Melina gives The Tarnished a pipboy in exchange for escort to Lyndell, the settlement around the vault.

Morgott assumes all wanderers are there to raid the vault, but Radagon sealed himself, Marika, and the Beast inside ages ago.

The amber egg is a snow globe now.

Rya was gene spliced and no one actually gives a shit. Tarnished earnestly asks if shes part deathclaw.

Patches is one chem addiction short of being an actual raider.

The wandering traders all carry rad rifles.

someone better get with me on these Fable/Elden Ring ideas before i start extrapolating this shit to Fallout

because i’ll do it

i’ll fucking do it and that’s a threat

[tennybird]

Sleep is hard so it's time for Thoughts About LoZ BotW™️ with some relatively normal takes.

For starters, I despise the king. Everyone probably does, because he's a dumbass. I regularly go up to his grave on the Great Plateau just to set campfires and throw bomb runes at it because he pisses me off SO much, honestly. I know it's just video games but oh my fucking god.

Like, sir, maybe if you actually showed your daughter some love in her life, the Calamity would've gone differently! I mean it's not a guarentee, but dude writing your feelings down in a diary that you hid away in a secret room so no one could find it isn't showing your child familial affection. Taking away the ONE thing that made her even a little happy wasn't going to make her power unlock any sooner!!

And on the topic of Zelda, I ADORE her. She's put up with so much bullshit from everyone, that seeing her smiling at the end of the game made my heart feel nice. I hope she gets a lot of hugs after everything cause she deserves them. ALSO, unlocking her powers solely because she loved Link and he was one of the last few people close to her that hadn't died already? Iconic. And then he immediately dies, but it's okay, because Fi is in the sword and doing a very good job at helping him.

Fi rights. Please Nintendo, I want my blue swordfriend.

Zonai. I had to bring them up because AAAAAAAAAA I get SO EXCITED about this stuff!!!! However I'm not gonna talk about them bc. I'm not. I will say their architecture is GREAT, though. BotW2 pls give more info.

Speaking of Botw2 I am quietly hoping Zelda can actually exist in the game cause I think she'd be super fun. Like, what if you could have her be a sort of lore giver?? You go to different places and switch to her, and she'll talk about whatever you're looking at? Or at least write it down in the Sheikah Slate for you to read later. I want to know EVERYTHING. Maybe some super important stuff could have a voice-acted cutscene.

And there's also the possibility of her using tech as weaponry! Repurposed guardian parts made into weapons different from Robbie's, using the Slate's functions so she can help from a distance... or just straight up teach her to use the various weapons like Link and have two swordfighters with different battle styles. JUST LET ZELDA PARTICIPATE, NINTENDO!

(Side note: I wish my actual horse was in the final cutscene bc my boy Jitters did SUCH a good job helping me beat Ganon even though he ran directly into Ganon's foot for a solid 2 minutes while I was begging him to just MOVE, PLEASE. He lived, don't worry. And idk where the hell Link got the one that was there but that's not MY HORSE.)

I'm trying so hard to not get my hopes up too high for BotW2 cause I've been burnt before, *coughcoughblizzardcoughcough*, but I'm still so incredibly excited to see how they further the story we've gotten, because it's already FANTASTIC.

Anyways, thats enough rambling. Go set fire to the king's grave for me.

[itmeansvictory]

🖋 + hogwarts

ok this took a lot of thought because it turns out I haven’t actually given victoire’s hogwarts day enough thinking. so this is gonna be a LOT messier than my responses to this meme before akakncjcbejchejf

first thing’s first - hogwarts was kind of a scary period of time. because like think about it - she is always surrounded by family members. there’s never a time she’s without another weasley or potter. until she’s at hogwarts. it’s a good few years before someone else in the family comes along to school, and by that point victoire has already found her place. so the beginning was terrifying for this girl. she went from being one in a whole pack to being the only one of her fam around. and for someone whose identity practically revolved around that family, that’s a tough transition. she went from being surrounded by people who loved her at all times to being surrounded by strangers.

strangers which knew her as a member of a famous family and therefore may have had opinions and thoughts on her family. vic knows she’s luckily to not be the kid of like the golden trio or whatever but she’s the kid of a triwizard champion and one of the many ginger weasleys. there’s still this stigma that’s going to follow when you’re related to infamous people. and that’s uncomfortable. some snotty nose kid probably asked her if she’s a weasley “then why aren’t you a ginger?” channeling their karen smith. she probably had a tough time being a hufflepuff because no other cousins came before her and paved the way for “non-gryffindor weasleys”. that’s something she dealt with first and therefore was pretty insecure about at the beginning of first year.

she’s not a rambunctious or even a gregarious kid, so making friends wasn’t easy at first. it took a moment to get comfortable in her house and without family before she got over her social anxiety and made any friends. and she made solid ones, and they became the new people for her to nurture and ‘mom’. yes even at eleven she was being a fucking mom to people. she has one identity, it’s mom. wbk. it’s takes pretty special people to befriend the boring mom type who tries to convince everyone to abide by the rules and to not wander after curfew, or who chastises friends for eating too many bertie bott’s at once. and she was totally a bit of a drag. she’s responsible and practical and a good egg through and through - she’s not the one to suggest sneaking out after hours for any reason. she also doesn’t condone it, but she sure as hell is gonna go along when her friends insist. “someone’s gotta make sure you guys don’t get in trouble and cost us any points!” truth be told, she isn’t the best at being left out but I digress - a total bore but was willing to tag along bc peer pressure.

I want to say she mellowed out eventually but that’s not victoire. she grew out of the paranoia but was still just too responsible to be a part of all the trouble. I mean this girl was totally aiming to become a prefect once she learned about what they were her first year. and she was very dedicated to her academics and those house points. she also felt a responsibility to being a good role model. sure none of her little weasley-potters were at hogwarts yet, but she didn’t want to leave school with a reputation that could eventually get to them and give them the wrong idea of their elder. she wanted to leave behind a respectable legacy. sue her. that’s why she was a prefect for two years and head student her last - who else to keep her peers in line than the saintly mom of hufflepuff?

yes she was in quidditch, but just for a couple years. she really loved quidditch. the pitch is the only place she’s ever let loose and shown any sort of competitive or aggressive side. she wanted to be a chaser originally but found she had a skill with a bat so she ended up playing as hufflepuff’s beater for a handful of years. she’s not a dainty little thing, she’s always had upper body strength and quick reflexes. it surprised a lot of people then, and even now, to hear the warm and tender victoire played in a position that’s typically male-dominated and overly aggressive, but she takes a bit of pride in that. she didn’t last long, though, and that’s because of a couple reasons. she felt there were other extracurriculars that would prove more important to her future and stopped playing quidditch during her last couple years. but also she had a hard time having to hit the bludgers towards players on the rival team, and was known to call out apologies even if she didn’t hit them.

she was in a few clubs during her hogwarts years, ever enthusiastic to be involved. frog choir, s.p.e.w., art club, herbology club, charms, gobstones - you name it, she was likely a part of it at some point. spending several months cooped up in a castle 24/7 with barely any escape meant you needed to fill your time and vic was a busy body. it’s the only way she learned to socialize in a world without cousins and close family friends. of course some circles proved to be more socially acceptable than others - gobstones for one was always kind of the ‘loser’ club, truth be known. but victoire enjoyed learning things and engaging with people over their passions.

did not date. like ever. not properly anyway. I think she got asked out a fair amount. I think she struggles with saying no to people. but I think she never let things develop. as mentioned before, she feels like being part veela comes with the disadvantage of people being attracted to you without really knowing you, and so she had a tendency to always friendzone perspective lovers. she’s also....,,,,.,.......,,,,, kinda dense when it comes to romantic advances??? she’s not a romantic person herself - like yeah she wanted to settle down some day but she was never crazy about that stuff. she didn’t have these romantic notions about dating and stuff. did not have a wedding pinterest board (shocker). her first kiss was probably a total hack, like it probably happened in the common room at 1 am while playing spin the bottle with friends like second or third year or something. yah it took until hogwarts because she hardly socialized with kids her age before then. and I sincerely think this girl is entirely oblivious to anyone showing interest in her. so active teenage love life? sorry she doesn’t know her. she’s incredibly confused by her cousins/siblings who date at all as students. “don’t you guys have homework?” idk how this girl got married and had a baby tbh

she definitely had like rivals and people she didn’t get along with but let it be known that victoire weasley absolutely tried to win everyone over with fresh baked pastries because she struggles with animosity and has this need to at least be on civil terms with most of her peers. so she spent a lot of nights in the kitchens making single serving pies and brownies and what have you in order to buy her rivals’ civility. it didn’t work a lot of the time, but at least she had chocolate to handle the aftermath of any scathing remarks sent her way. girl cannot shit talk for her life okay? she can’t handle mean people. wbk.

she says she did great at all classes but that’s totally not true. barely passed divination and arithmancy - the latter kind of interesting considering she went on to do curse-breaking for gringott’s. but overall she was a strong student. she excelled at classes like charms, history of magic, study of ancient runes, and herbology in particular, but did study dada and potions at the newt level despite not being the best at them.

got detention once in fifth year for “supposedly” being part of the party inciting a food fight and dung bomb war in the great hall. to this day she claims her innocence and that she was merely “acting as a prefect attempting to stop things from going awry” and is forever bitter about that one blemish in her school career.

honestly debated becoming a professor bc she wanted to be there for all the cousins who didn’t overlap school with her (bc by my calculations only two of them did???) but also like how embarrassing would that have been?? imagine getting caught by your older cousin snogging in some empty class room or fornicating in a broom closet. victoire already nags from afar - imagine having a second mom to nag you at hogwarts. you’re welcome guys.

[chomesuke]

2, 6, 13 and 22 for the oc asks !! (also idk any of your ocs and i feel like thats a crime. . .pls talk about whomever you wish me to know about i would love that so much<3)

HEWWO SAGE HOW ARE YOU THANK U FOR LETTING ME RAMBLE ABT MY OCS I HOPE YOU LIKE THEM!!! 💚💚💚

okie I'll mostly talk abt the protag of my current main project!!! (which is a fantasy and should be an rpg but I'm only one person and also a writer not a game dev)

2. Can they take care of a plant? What about a pet? What about a child? crow can absolutely take care of all of those, much to the shock of everyone and also himself. he's kinda adopted a kid named angel as his little sister and he's her sole caregiver (until her father gets un-statue-ified anyway). he's rly good with her and she's also the main reason he gets out of his former life of major crime and.. into a different life of crime! angel's also a witch and has a little shapeshifting cat familiar named rune and maybe crow isn't in charge of them but he's perfectly capable of catsitting. rune also likes curling up in the hood of his coat! and with plants, he'd like to have a herb garden if he ever settles down but. that might be never.

6. Who will they take advice from, no matter what it is? Who won’t they take advice from, no matter what it is? crow will always listen to his best friend dahlia, the lesbian vampire who is very wise and all knowing and actually only like 5 years older than him. he's right to. I was thinking he might not listen to julien (changeling doctor and maybe ex) bc julien is an annoying bastard but he's also often right abt things. so hmm. he def wouldn't listen to iris actually but as she's the evil mastermind, who would?

13. Name one thing their parents taught them. LOL. the majority of the characters in this project know next to nothing abt their pasts! half of them don't even have pasts. supposedly. bc they're artificially created sorta superhuman ish ppl? so there's rly just angel the witch who was taught many things by her father (before he became a statue) who was a master craftsman whose skills were coveted even by the fae. she mostly uses his crafty knowhow to make bombs.

22. Do they like being called pet names? Do they call other people pet names? What’s their go-to? oh my god. i've never considered this. umm. crow is not rly big on petnames i think. esp not the cuter lovey dovey ones. but... he might call rook his love sometimes.

oc asks that reveal more than you think

[jinsoulsscalp]

if ur not indy ( @parallelwcrlds​ ) ignore this (or dont idc but youll b confused)

gen 1 of our hp au, set in 6th year. probably set sometime between 2010-present day. the blood status war bullshit died down a little after hp-era, but there’s been a recent resurgence in it. 5 years ago, a big dickhead graduated from hogwarts and probably went into politics and is super magic-equivalent-of-alt-right and is popularizing being an asshole and is lowkey starting the third war to kill all muggleborns and take over and popularize dark magic (donald trump ass motherfucker smh) and “finish what voldemort started” (bitch sounds like kylo ren the fuck erhiufbneri).

the not-asshole members of this year reformed the dumbledore’s army as a protest and to pay homage to the heroes of the past war, and lowkey dont do antyhing yet but hangout, but probably someday will reform the order of the phoenix outside of hogwarts when shit starts to really get bad. also onyx is on the brink of bringing muggle tech to the magic world, so there’s that too.

BEN

name: benjamin jo age: 17 height: 5′8 house: slytherin sexuality: gay fc: b-bomb bloodstatus: pureblood extra affiliations: n/a hometown: falmouth, west country, england about:     -nasti boi on the blood supremist train     -he & river are the evil slytherin gay power couple     -uses naomi to keep tabs on antonia     -favorite class is defense against the dark arts, though he thinks the name is stupid     -stuck up and vindictive     -lives on a beach lot with his family, far away from muggle settlements in his town     -father is a wizengamont grand juror, mother is a socialite

JOSH

name: joshua eom age: 17 height: 6′1 house: ravenclaw sexuality: bi fc: zico bloodstatus: halfblood extra affiliations: quidditch beater, member of the new dumbledore’s army hometown: london, england about:     -v sarcastic and seething but means well     -doesn’t try to hard, but is real smart and has an eidetic memory, so he gets by pretty easily     -doesn’t take any shit     -more or less good natured     -both parents are magic, however his father is muggleborn     -lowkey loves divination but if you tell anyone he’ll fight you

NAOMI

name: naomi woo age: 16 height: 5′5 house: gryffindor sexuality: straight fc: chorong bloodstatus: pureblood extra affiliations: n/a hometown: kenmare, kerry, ireland about:     -was a good kid when she started at hogwarts, hence getting into gryffindor, but as she grew up, she and her family started falling in blood supremacy holes, so realistically she doesn’t belong there anymore     -wicked and stuck up     -a spoiled brat     -lowkey would do anything to get people like river and ben to be on her side     -honestly is just insecure and wants to belong and is trying to do that by appealing to the nasties of the world     -two-faced and manipulative and will cry to get out of things     -loves charms class uwu

BETH

name: bethany jung age: 16 height: 5′2 house: hufflepuff sexuality: lesbian fc: chuu bloodstatus: halfblood extra affiliations: prefect, member of the new dumbledore’s army hometown: ilkley, yorkshire, england about:     -both parents are muggleborn     -grew up in a waterfront cottage     -very loving family     -so energetic and desperate to please     -in love w casey thats her girl     -looks up to antonia so freaking much     -classic hermione granger-- has a giant ass classload     -loves ancient runes class

TONI

name: antonia park age: 17 height: 5′6 house: gryffindor sexuality: lesbian fc: cl bloodstatus: pureblood extra affiliations: prefect (ambitions to be head girl), quidditch captain & chaser, founder and leader of the new dumbledore’s army hometown: tinworth, west country, england about:     -lowkey descended from death eaters but we don’t talk about that     -classic hero trope, shes a badass and takes no shit but is inherently good     -kind of an overachiever too-- shes always pushing herself to be better and do more     -wanted to grow up to be an auror, but with the ministry getting more and more corrupt, she instead wants to reform the order of the phoenix and become a bounty hunter vigilante     -natural enemy to river and ben lbr     -hates defense against the dark arts class bc its lowkey turning into what it was when umbridge ran it     -digs transfiguration tho that shits cool

KURTIS

name: kurtis ahn age: 17 height: 5′10 house: gryffindor sexuality: pan fc: daesung bloodstatus: halfblood extra affiliations: member of the new dumbledore’s army hometown: kilkenny, leinster, ireland about:     -big goofy boi     -class clown 2 the max     -went through an emo phase years 2-4 but we dont talk about that     -raised by his dad, who is a wizard. muggle mother left when she found out bc it was too much for her aND ALL THE LIES MAN     -mood maker-- brightens everyone’s day     -sunshine personified     -loves care of magical creatures

TRISTAN

name: tristan lee age: 16 height: 5′7 house: slytherin sexuality: bi fc: hwiyoung bloodstatus: muggleborn extra affiliations: prefect, member of the new dumbledore’s army hometown: manchester, england about:     -kind of shy and keeps to himself for necessity (you would too if you were a muggleborn who shared a bedroom with river and ben)     -loves learning about magic so much     -pissed a lot of people (racist blood supremicists lol) off when he was made prefect, but hes really proud of that position     -he likes muggle studies class bc its an easy a and he likes laughing at everything they mess up

STEPH

name: stephanie kim age: 16 height: 5′5 house: slytherin sexuality: bi fc: hyuna bloodstatus: halfblood extra affiliations: n/a hometown: bangor, wales about:     -spoiled brat, but not like naomi? like shes spoiled and self centered but not mean     -that being said, super self absorbed     -doesn’t do anything that doesn’t have something in it for her     -party girl     -a metamorphmagus but mostly just uses her powers to change her hair without commitment     -mother passed away during childbirth and she never knew her dad, raised by her eccentric wizard grandmother who literally just throws money at her bc they have so much and her grandmother doesnt really know how to take care of teenagers

MARYSE

name: maryse young age: 16 height: 6′0 house: hufflepuff sexuality: pan fc: jeonghwa bloodstatus: halfblood extra affiliations: quidditch seeker, member of the new dumbledore’s army hometown: cork, ireland about:     -youngest of 5, only girl and the shortest (wow i know wild)     -surprisingly coordinated for being so tall tbh     -her best friends in the world are the hufflepuff quidditch team-- especially the ones in her year. that team is so tight they’re her people     -lowkey braeden got them all into the dumbledore’s army, but like??? why would she not join???? shes protecting her friends like braeden who need her support??? its a no brainer???     -shes very happy and giggly and so so supportive of her friends     -shes also like 1/4 giant

MIN

name: minhyuk byun age: 17 height: 5′10 house: ravenclaw sexuality: gay fc: key bloodstatus: muggleborn extra affiliations: prefect hometown: jeju, south korea about:     -hogwarts equivalent of an exchange student     -muggleborn with very potent magical energy very young, so hogwarts snatched him up before any other schools could     -there was originally a big ol language barrier, and its still there but he’s learned a lot     -he wants to be a healer when he graduates

ONYX

name: onyx moon age: 16 height: 5′4 house: ravenclaw sexuality: bi fc: le bloodstatus: muggleborn extra affiliations: member of the new dumbledore’s army hometown: london, england about:     -her parents are both muggles, but her mother’s sister is a witch and would tell her stories about magic when she was a kid. she thought they were all fake until she got her hogwarts letter     -as soon as she went to hogwarts, she brought as much muggle tech as she could with her so she could figure out how to integrate it with magic and make it work.     -she’s made things that play music work, but anything more complicated or online is still up in the air (she’s really close to cracking it though)     -she’s absolutely brilliant, but she’s so focused on her passion project that a lot of time her grades suffer.     -she likes arithmancy bc its basically complicated magic math, and she can respect that

THEO

name: theodore nam age: 17 height: 6′2 house: gryffindor sexuality: straight fc: mino bloodstatus: halfblood extra affiliations: n/a hometown: glasgow, scotland about:     -resident hogwarts bad boy hugiuerjdgnj     -big time slacker and troublemaker     -a little bit of an asshole but he means well     -probably has broken a lot of hearts hes the classic bad boy trope tbh      -just some of his ex-girlfriends include naomi (one of his biggest mistakes he regrets that one), bethany (that was in year 4 before she knew she was gay af), steph, brynn, arcadia, faye, among others (those are just the fellow 6th years)

RHYS

name: rhys do age: 16 height: 5′2 house: ravenclaw sexuality: pan fc: minzy bloodstatus: pureblood extra affiliations: quidditch chaser hometown: godric’s hollow, west country, england about:     -okay so u kno how there are parents who push their kids to do stuff and live vicariously through them? that was rhys’ parents with quidditch     -like that’s her life it’s all she knows     -she’s traveled all over the world to see the world cup every single year     -wishes quidditch class wasn’t just for first years     -if she doesn’t go pro someday she will combust

BRYNN

name: brynn kang age: 16 height: 5′4 house: slytherin sexuality: bi fc: soyeon bloodstatus: halfblood extra affiliations: quidditch beater, member of the new dumbledore’s army hometown: hogsmeade, scotland about:     -kind of a bit of a delinquent     -she cuts class and sneaks into the forbidden forest, but that’s because she’s curious and adventurous and doesn’t learn very well in conventional settings anyway     -born and raised in hogsmeade, so you don’t know how many times a year she straight up just sneaks out of hogwarts to go home and hang out with her dog      -strong sense of morality     -if antonia is true good, brynn is chaotic good. she’s just as much of a freedom fighter, but less into structure and establishment     -shes 1/8 veela on her dad’s side but she hasn’t really grown into that yet and is just a mess

GABE

name: gabriel lim age: 16 height: 5′10 house: hufflepuff sexuality: pan fc: v bloodstatus: halfblood extra affiliations: quidditch chaser, member of the new dumbledore’s army hometown: holyhead, wales about:     -yo magic exists, there is 100% a magical way for two women to conceive a child aka gabe has two moms     -one of his moms is the captain of the holyhead harpies, and the other is an investigative journalist for the daily prophet (among other publications)     -hes so loyal and good      -his quidditch team, but braeden especially, are his best friends and he’d do anything for them.     -he’s so good natured and kind he cannot fathom people like river and ben existing

BRAEDEN

name: braeden hamilton age: 16 height: 5′8 house: hufflepuff sexuality: bi fc: vernon bloodstatus: muggleborn extra affiliations: quidditch captain and keeper, member of the new dumbledore’s army hometown: brighton, england about:     -very sporty as a smaller kid-- was really into soccer especially, and was an a+ goalie     -he was a huge outcast his first year and didnt have a ton of friends. he lowkey was close to just saying fuck you to this magic shit and going home to be normal     -finding quidditch once he went to hogwarts was his saving grace-- he finally found something he understood and could relate to     -and, as it turns out, reflexes are reflexes, so he ended up being a really talented keeper     -he started making friends too, as he was embraced by his team, and now he doesn’t know what he’d do without them     -this year he was named captain of the team and dude he honestly cried when he found that out he was so honored and it felt like things were coming full circle finally     -he was one of the first hufflepuffs to join the new dumbledore’s army, because people like ben and river were part of why he’d been so close to just leaving the magic world behind when he was 12, and he wanted to be a role model

[actualgenesisfrog-blog]

Buckle up. This is a rarely used sideblog jsyk, cuz I don’t wanna spam my followers with spoilers. Also, the book and and series have some major and some minor differences. I’m mostly gonna talk about the series.

Aziraphale is the angel who guarded the eastern gate of the garden of eden. Crowley is quite literally the snake who tempted Eve into eating the forbidden apple. Crowley shape-shifts into a person afterwards and then he and Aziraphale begin their 6000 year long slowburn romance.

They sorta have to keep it on the down-low bc Heaven will be Big Mad if they find out Aziraphale is fraternizing with a demon, and vice versa for Crowley and Hell.

They make “The Arrangement” at some point. Example: If Aziraphale has to “guide someone to the light” somewhere, and Crowley has to tempt someone to do evil in the same place, they are theoretically canceling eachother’s good and wicked deeds out, right? So why not save some trouble and have only one of them go to the place and do both the bad and good thing. 

Crowley seems much more comfortable with the fraternizing than Aziraphale.

They show up at a lot of historical events. Noah’s Ark for example, where Crowley was horrified to learn that God was drowning children. Aziraphale argued that it was for the greater good and that God would be making a rainbow afterwards. Crowley’s probably the nicest demon btw(which still isn’t all that nice), but he’ll never admit it.

When Crowley does evil deeds on Earth it tends to be... different from what other demons do. Other demons in the series tempt priests and politicians into lust and bribery in order to “secure their souls for hell.” Crowley does things like poorly designing public infrastructure to be eternally frustrating(he designed the London Orbital Motorway, ie Endless Traffic Jams, and also it’s shaped like some ancient evil rune). Fans like to joke that Crowley does minor(and major) inconveniences as acts of evil. These usually backfire and inconvenience him as well.

Crowley also tells Hell in his memos that he is responsible for a lot of bad things that happened, like WW2 and the Spanish Inquisition. These are lies. This is because Hell never checks to see if he’s lying. Humans did those things all on their own. 

Crowley dislikes Satanists, and he thinks temptation can be a dumb concept. Basically “humans do plenty evil all by themselves. We really don’t need to influence them all that much.”

Aziraphale is probably the most hedonistic(still not all that “bad” tho) angel. He likes food and books and being nice to people, even demons. In the series, Archangel Gabriel criticizes Aziraphale for eating. 

Both Aziraphale and Crowley lie to their superiors that they’re “thwarting the enemy”(ie eachother) and that’s the reason they can be seen in the same parts of the world sometimes, or justify why they’re doing something.

They also do little kind things for eachother*. Crowley saves Aziraphale from Nazis in the bombing of London in ww2 - and he walked into a church, which is consecrated ground that physically hurt for him to walk on, to do it. And fans are super into the fact that, while the Church was being bombed, Crowley saved Aziraphale’s prized books even though it was hella unnecessary and everyone likes to speculate that’s when Aziraphale first realized he loved Crowley. ‘Cuz y’know, little act of kindness bc Crowley knows how much Aziraphale’s books mean to him.

“Killing” Crowley or Aziraphale on Earth through almost any means would just “discorporate” them, or destroy their physical bodies. Their actual... existence/soul/whatever would be fine, but it would require a lot of annoying paperwork in Heaven/Hell to explain why their physical body was dead, and get a new one. 

*So, at one point Crowley wanted Holy Water. Holy water is the only mentioned means to actually kill demons. Like, it destroys their entire existence. Hellfire has the same effect on angels btw. Anyway, Crowley asked Aziraphale to get him some Holy Water for “insurance.” It’s apparently very difficult for demons to actually get possession of Holy Water. Aziraphale refuses on the grounds that it would be A. breaking the rules of heaven and B. incredibly dangerous and he didn’t want to enable Crowley to commit suicide.

So ofc Crowley organizes a heist at some point, planning on robbing a church in order to obtain some holy water(he didn’t actually want to commit suicide, probably. He wanted it in case he needed to kill another demon. Which is what he later does). This would be extremely dangerous for him, especially if something went wrong. So ofc Aziraphale, realizing there’s no other way to keep Crowley out of danger, just gives Crowley a container of holy water. Crowley is deeply touched by this. This is the point where he basically asks Aziraphale out(”I can drive you anywhere”) and Aziraphale tells Crowley that he “goes to fast for him.” This can be interpreted with a double meaning: Crowley is an incredibly reckless driver and Aziraphale hates it, and Aziraphale isn’t comfortable openly admitting his feelings just yet.

Aziraphale owns a vintage bookshop in London, Crowley lives in a stylish flat in London where he keeps houseplants. Crowley heard in the ‘70s that “talking to plants helps them grow.” So ofc he “talks” to them by threatening them horribly and the narrator(God) describes them as the “most verdant and lush plants in all of London, and also the most terrified.”

Crowley is low-key resentful that he’s a demon(all of the demons are fallen angels). “I didn’t so much fall, as saunter vaguely downwards��� is a quote.

In the book angels and demons are described as genderless beings unless they make an effort to appear otherwise. They apparently don’t reproduce.

Agnes Nutter. The last real Witch, who died some 300-400ish years prior to the “present” in the series(which is when Armageddon is happening). She is described as the author of the only accurate book of prophecies. There’s roughly 4000 of them written in her book I think. 

She was burned at the stake by a Witchfinder, Thou-Shalt-Not-Commit-Adultery**(that’s his entire first name) Pulsifer. She knew she was going to be, because she predicted it. She was very calm about the whole thing and criticized Pulsifer and the angry mob of villagers for being late: “I should have been aflame 10 minutes since.”

When she was tied to the stake she told the villagers to come closer to hear her dying words. They, idiots, listened. Before she left her house she’d stuffed her petticoats with lots of gunpowder and roofing nails, so when her dress set on fire she blew up, along with Pulsifer and the villagers.

She left her book behind for her descendants, which was first given to her son-in-law, some dude with the surname Device. This prophecy book was passed down the Device bloodline until the present day, until Anathema Device was born. There’s a more accurate account for the book’s printing in the Good Omens book, but it’s long and boring. Lemme know if it actually interests you.

Anathema Device is a witch. Born just a couple years before her is Newt Pulsifer, descendant of TSNCA** Pulsifer. Long story short, prophecies are proven right and he becomes Anathema’s boyfriend at the end. They fuck during Armageddon.

Back to Crowley. 11 years before “the end of the world,” he is given a basket with a baby inside by some other demons. This baby is the antichrist. Crowley is supposed to deliver the antichrist to a hospital/convent of Satanic Nuns(The Chattering Order of St. Beryl). He really doesn’t want to.

Hell has arranged it so that the wife of an american diplomat will be giving birth there. The idea is that Crowley gives the antichrist baby to the nuns, and they swap it with the normal baby, therefor the diplomats will actually be raising the antichrist.

Unfortunately(fortunately) things go wrong. Another couple, some random people from an English Country Town called Tadfield, also happen to be giving birth at the same time. They go to the same nun hospital(normal people aren’t really aware that the nuns are satanic) so that the woman can give birth. I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Shenanigans happen, and the nuns end up accidentally giving the Tadfield couple’s baby to the American Diplomat, and the antichrist ends up with the Tadfield couple. (The fate of the diplomat’s real baby is left up to interpretation). Hell does not know this, and for the next 11 years everyone assumes that the antichrist child is with the American diplomat couple(this normal child is named Warlock).

When the actual antichrist(named Adam Young by the tadfield couple) turns 11 is when armageddon is supposed to begin. The idea is that Hell will go to war with Heaven, and Earth will be destroyed in the process. Both Heaven and Hell want this. No one, not even the angels, give a single solitary fuck that all the humans and animals will die. In fact, they want it to happen. It’s all about the cosmic pissing match, nothing else matters.

The only people against Armageddon are Aziraphale and Crowley, because they like Earth and they like humans and they like eachother.

Aziraphale and Crowley set out to stop Armageddon by influencing the “antichrist’s”(Warlock, who isn’t really the antichrist but they don’t know that) childhood with their usual deal. Crowley will pretend to be his nanny and try to teach him to be evil, and Aziraphale pretends to be the gardener and teaches Warlock to be good.

On the antichrist’s 11th birthday, Hell will send out a hellhound to pad by his master’s(the antichrist) side. Armageddon officially starts when the antichrist child names the dog.

Crowley and Aziraphale anxiously await the arrival of the hellhound at Warlock’s birthday party, hoping that he’ll just send the dog away, and are calmly shocked when the hellhound doesn’t show up and they realize that they’ve got the wrong boy.

At this point the hellhound is the only one who knows the antichrist’s true identity, because he is drawn to him, so it goes to Tadfield to find Adam. Adam is playing with his 3 friends, Wenslydale, Pepper, and Brian. The general idea idea is that the antichrist will name the hellhound something terrifying and that will give the hellhound its purpose and being. Adam is seen having a conversation with his friends about how he wants a pet dog for his birthday.

“What kind of dog do you want? Something big?” “No.” Adam says. “A small dog, something you can have fun with.” ”What would you name it?” ”...I’ll name it Dog.” The hellhound, which was enormous, is now named Dog. It suddenly turns into a small dog because that’s what Adam wanted. It runs up to Adam and now they are together.

Thus Armageddon begins.

Hell still thinks Warlock is the antichrist because Crowley, terrified of punishment, lies and tells them that he saw the hellhound go to Warlock. Crowley and Aziraphale still don’t know where the real antichrist is. They begin searching for the antichrist.

Anathema arrives in England(she’s American) and goes to rent a cottage in Tadfield because that’s where Agnes Nutter’s prophecy book said she should go. iirc she is the only human who realizes Armageddon is happening at this point.

She befriends Adam and gives candy to him and his friends, not suspecting he’s the antichrist at all because, in Crowley’s words, “suspicion slides off the antichrist like water off a duck.”

The idiots Aziraphale and Crowley still haven’t found the antichrist.

Newt Pulsifer, who really wants to be a computer engineer but somehow ends up spontaneously breaking every computer he touches, loses his job, sees an ad in the newspaper, and goes to join “the witchfinder army” which is really just one person named Shadwell. He’s this grungy crazy old man who lives in an apartment across from a woman named Madame Tracy. Shadwell is obsessed with finding witches. Newt doesn’t care, he just needed something to get him out of the house so that his mom didn’t think he was jobless(he still lives with his mom).

Crowley and Aziraphale go to Tadfield because that’s where Crowley remembers taking the antichrist baby when he gave it to the satanic nuns. The hospital is not a hospital anymore; Another demon(named Hastur) burned it down the day after the antichrist was born. They’re both unhappy about this and that night, Anathema is riding her bicycle when Crowley accidentally hits her with his car on their way out of Tadfield. They give her a ride back to her rented house, but she accidentally leaves Agnes Nutter’s prophecy book in the back seat of Crowley’s car. Aziraphale later finds it and keeps it.

Meanwhile the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse start happening. A normal human deliveryman is told to bring 4 people(it’s the horsemen) packages. So he delivers a flaming sword(which originally belonged to Aziraphale. he gave it to Adam and Eve when they were banished from the garden of eden because he was worried about them) to War, a very scary woman with a red motorcycle. He delivers scales to Famine, a dude with a black motorcycle. He delivers a crown to Pollution(pestilence retired), a lady with a white motorcycle. And then his next delivery address basically tells him to kill himself, so he does, and he delivers a message to Death. When the horsemen receive these things, they are very excited because this means it is time for them to Ride and raise hell for Armageddon. 

Crowley tries to give up and asks Aziraphale to “run away with him,” like to another galaxy, because Earth is doomed. Aziraphale refuses and tells Crowley that they’re not friends. Crowley rightfully doesn’t believe him.

Shadwell sends Newt to Tadfield because weird things are happening there.

Warlock and his diplomat parents are brought to Megiddo, some ruins in the middle east, which is where armageddon is supposed to begin. Hastur, and subsequently Hell, realize that Warlock is not the antichrist. They are PISSED.

They contact Crowley and basically terrify him. Something to the effect of “you fucked up, you lost the antichrist, you’re going to suffer torment worse than any other damned soul in hell, and every demon and soul in hell will take great pleasure in witnessing it for all eternity. Hastur will be there to collect you soon.” Crowley goes back to his flat, very carefully pours the holy water in a bucket and puts it on top of an ajar door. Hastur and another demon(Ligur) open the door and the holy water falls on Ligur, killing him.

Meanwhile Aziraphale is deciphering the prophecy book and learns who the real antichrist is. He calls Crowley to tell him. Crowley is a little busy killing Ligur and dealing with Hastur to pick up.

Long story short, Crowley ends up trapping Hastur in his answering machine and runs away. He’s driving for Aziraphale’s bookshop.

Aziraphale tries contacting God with an angelic version of a summong circle or something. Heaven basically tells him that they don’t care about stopping the antichrist and they want him to come to heaven and join the battle forces to begin the war, and he will do this by stepping into the summon circle. Aziraphale has no intention of doing this. Shadwell comes into the picture and, mistaking Aziraphale for a demon, tries to exorcise him. Aziraphale accidentally steps into the summon circle and, because he didn’t prepare, his body is discorporated. Shadwell is terrified because he didn’t actually expect the exorcism to work and flees the bookshop, knocking some candles over when he slams the door. The bookshop sets on fire.

Crowley arrives at the bookshop, sees it completely fucking ablaze, and runs inside. He is extremely upset because he thinks someone killed Aziraphale. He gets hit by water from a firehose, falls over, and yells “Somebody killed my best friend!” Fans love this. He grabs Agnes Nutter’s prophecy book, flees the bookshop, and goes to get completely hammered at a restaurant.

Aziraphale arrives in heaven and immediately leaves. But he doesn’t have a physical body anymore. He finds Crowley, drunk, and tells him to go to Tadfield. Says he’ll meet him there soon, when he finds someone “receptive” to possess their body.

Weird things are happening all over the world because Adam is coming into his power, and is 11, and was given conspiracy theory magazines by Anathema, so his overactive child imagination and status as the antichrist is making things real. Atlantis rises from the sea, the Kraken starts sinking Japanese whaling ships, nuclear reactors disappear from power plants, and aliens in a flying saucer stop Newt’s car on the way to Tadfield and offer him a message of “peace and goodwill.” Tibetans are digging tunnels under the earth. In the book, fish rain from the sky.

Newt crashes his car when swerving to avoid Tibetan tunnelers who have caved in a tunnel in the middle of the road. Adam and his friends find him and, worried for his safety, bring him to Anathema. Anathema is ready for this because it was predicted.

Madame Tracy, who is holding a seance at the time, because she makes money off of being a phony psychic, is apparently receptive, and Aziraphale inhabits her body. They appear to both have equal control, but when Aziraphale is talking it sounds like his voice.

Shadwell comes home, sees Tracy talking to herself, and after a half-crazed conversation all two(three) of them are riding Tracy’s motor scooter out of London to get to Tadfield.

Crowley is stuck in traffic because there’s an unreal traffic jam on the London Orbital Motorway, and Armageddon causes the motorway to set on fire. There is now a huge ring of fire cutting London off from the rest of the world. Crowley realizes this is his own fault and is irritated.

The four horsemen go to Tadfield.

Crowley fucks up his car by running into other cars in order to get out of traffic and drives up to the motorway. He stops before the fire, because he has no real idea how he’s going to get past it alive. Hastur, having escaped the answering machine, appears in the car seat next to him and threatens him. Crowley basically says fuck it and floors it, speeding his car through the fire. Hastur is discorporated. Crowley is not, because he is the literal only demon with “imagination” and is making his car and himself not burn through sheer demonic willpower. The car’s still on fire though.

Anathema and Newt fuck. Adam has a small crisis where he briefly becomes evil, tells his friends that he wants to destroy the world, then snaps out of it and they, all 11 years old, ride their bikes to Tadfield airbase(an american airbase with computers that connect to electricity all over the world. this is where the REAL Armageddon will start, instead of Megiddo). Everyone’s on their way to tadfield airbase.

The four horsemen get there first, hack the computers, and arm every nuclear weapon on earth. 

Adam and his squad get there second and confront the horsemen. 

Anathema and Newt get there third and sneak their way inside the computer room after the horsemen leave and Newt breaks the computer, disarming all the world’s nukes.

Tracy/Aziraphale and Shadwell get there. Then Crowley gets there and his car explodes and he’s very sad about it. They get in the airbase and Aziraphale tries to kill Adam, but Tracy stops him.

Adam dislikes that they’re two people in one, and says “you should go back to being two people” and suddenly Aziraphale has a body of his own again.

Adam’s friends kill 3 of the 4 horsemen. It is cosmically impossible for Death to die, so he just sort of casually leaves. Gabriel and Beelzebub(highest ranking demon shown) arrive because Armageddon has stopped and they don’t like it. They try to get Adam to start armageddon again. He refuses. Gabriel and Beelzebub blame it on Aziraphale and Crowley and leave.

Beelzebub tells Satan what Adam did. Satan comes to kill Adam. Adam, having complete control over reality, says to Satan “You’re not my real dad and you never were.” Satan disappears and Mr. Young, Adam’s human dad, shows up. Armageddon averted!

Crowley is not optimistic because now Heaven and Hell know that both he and Aziraphale have been fraternizing, they both stopped armageddon, and Hell is still mad at him for losing the antichrist and for murdering Ligur.

Aziraphale gives the prophecy book back to Anathema, but a charred page falls out and he takes it. It says something to the effect of “choose your faces wisely.” 

A few days later he and Crowley are buying icecream and angels show up and kidnap Aziraphale, and demons show up and kidnap Crowley. 

Crowley is taken to Hell, where Archangel Michael arrives to loan holy water to Hell. She pours it in a bathtub where Beelzebub is going to kill Crowley.

Similarly, a demon comes to Heaven to loan them Hellfire. Gabriel forces Aziraphale into the hellfire.

Everyone is hella confused because, surprise!, Aziraphale and Crowley aren’t dying. Crowley is casually sitting in a bathtub of holy water while the demons stare in abject horror and confusion, and Aziraphale is standing in a column of hellfire while Gabriel looks just as confused. Heaven and Hell let Aziraphale and Crowley go because they are that weirded out.

Aziraphale and Crowley meet up again, and then they switch back! That’s right, they disguised themselves as eachother - choose your faces wisely! The entire time it was Aziraphale, who looked like Crowley, sitting in a bathtub of holy water in hell. While it was Crowley, who looked like Aziraphale, standing in a column of hellfire in heaven.

Then they go have lunch at the Ritz. Aziraphale tells Crowley “deep down you’re just a little bit of a nice person” and Crowley tells Aziraphale “You’re just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing” and then they toast to the world.

The book is a bit different.

Overall the Aziraphale/Crowley romance is pretty obvious in both though. It’s a lot more obvious than my detailed explanation is making it out to be, I think.

I probably missed something but I hope it’s not too bad. There’s just so much going on in this series.

If you’ve actually read this far and want clarification on anything, feel free to ask.

Ok, so I'm in love with the gay angels and I really want to jump into this ship, but I can't watch the show where I live and I'm having lots of trouble with the book. So, would any of you give me a detailed description of everything that happens? Don't worry about spoilers, spoil all you want, I just wanna understand cute fanarts and smutty fanfics.

[thegeminisage]

today’s zeldablogging, big big huge very much spoilers everywhere:

WHERE DO I EVEN GO FIRST there is. so Much

out towards the ocean, i suppose...i see a shrine, and something else glowing that could be a settlement or lava or even a great fairy, and there are those islands to think about

GOD IT'S A COMBAT SHRINE a minor test of strenth okay okay i can do this

oh pffft that was easy

and i got...a giant ancient core, which sounds nice but probably won't let me upgrade my rune

how come the bokoblins can use bomb arrows in the rain and i can't?!

OH MY GOD....

first skeleton bokoblins, then skeleton lizalfos, and now skeleton moblins?!?!

wish i had marked that other glowing thing with a pin...i can't find it now lol

and i am at the islands!! man these bridges sure are tiny and high up

all this climbing i want to do and its about to rain :/

oh good. more flying guardians :|im trapped on top of this island in the middle of a lightning storm in the night besieged by moblin skeletons and keese swarms and my only non-metallic weapon is a korok leaf smh

mkay i am All Done with the islands im gonna warp back to the tower and mark the glowy thing this time

oh they just look like mushrooms?? well i'll go pick them i guess

OH OMG IT'S A FAIRY FOUNTAIN SKDFGH YES!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!

only 500...but i know it gets worse :| im saving up

oh this one is blue!! how pretty

haha i still think they look more like mermaids...can't see their legs and they pop up outta water :3

OMG I SEE THE FIRE DRAGON

THE DIN ONE

IN THE DISTANCE AAAAH!!!!

so far away ;u;

i can't even take a good picture!!!!

oh no

oh NO

skeleton moblins...and now a skeleton hinox ;___;

...skeletons only take two hits. im gonna go fight it

omg the hinox fight music plays nooooo rip m having eventide flashbacks

oh my god! wow! okay! this one takes more than two hits!!

it's lightning too i can't even use my bomb arrows what did i get myself into........

OMFG HE IS TEARING OFF HIS OWN RIBS TO THROW AT ME LSKDJFHG

oh the lightning is a hinox thing. Great i only have metal weapons rn

aaaand he ran away with the dawn. ok

oh dude this shrine is cool you have to like play putt putt golf hahaha

OMG IM GOING TO CRY

i found another memory and it's of zelda saying she's prayed all her life like her father wanted and she still can't make the gods hear her......im so sad for her

there's nothing wrong with you my sweet daughter!!!!

this is cool tho the talk of her father and mother and grandmother and link's father

they have families and lives, it's so neat, i wish i knew more about them

tho ofc almost everyone who knew and loved link is long dead now......

ah. i paraglided her, but

to get out i have to bypass all these flying guardians. Great

NO SKDFGJH ONE SAW ME

so its laser grazed me and only took one heart and i was like thats it?! i'll fight you!!

then i got hit directly and it nearly killed me so now im running

NOOOO THERE'S A LYNEL HERE JESUS GOD

I JUST WANTED TO GET TO THE SHRINE AND I RAN RIGHT INTO HIM SDLFGJH

god and a blue hinox in the way too Why

omg i unlocked a monster shop lskjghf now i will see him in villages at night!!!

ah the shrine is on top of this huge rock pillar, how do i...?

maybe i can glide from a nearby cliff!!

okay...okay...it's not sheer rock, there must be resting places, if i glide form here maybe i can do it

i can't glide from where i'd like bc of the hinox (:

I MADE IT

they better not make me solve a fucking puzzle too

ah good they didn;t

FLAMEBLADE thats so badass

oh god another blue lynel

maybe it's even the same one

my dude i just wanna travel....i promise, i promise

FINALLY the akkala research lab!!!

dude better have some sick duds or something for me i swear to god

the music in here is lit i love it

uh

there's a...blue glowing statue

looks like something out of the tower of the gods awww

haha it's damaged! poor thing

this old man like "show me the wounds on your body you suffered" bro are you asking me to strip

oh my gOD his electric guitar pose thing

jesus chrkjrgh

EVERYONE IN THIS GAME IS A GIANT HAM

im doing a quest where you have to carry fire

AND IT STARTS RAINING

this game has made me LOATHE rain! i thought that was impossible and yet!!!!!

im running out of map stamps :/ why would you give me a world this big and limit me to only 100...?

aaaand it's raining

and my ONLY TORCH BROKE god i keep accidentally using it to hit things!!!

FINALLY i did it!!!!! god that was so tedious

oh my god this guy could make me such amazing gear, but i don't have the materials </3

now to check out this maze building it looks super weird and i can see a shrine in it......

how the fuck are you even supposed to get there i hope my glider can take me

lovely. the wind's blowing against me and i see flying guardians from here

noooo they're EVERYWHERE and i have to do a MAZE oh my god

i can solve it on my map and mark the dead end routes, fortunately

i still kind of want to explore those routes lol

oh they're so bare......maybe not

if i miss something like a korok seed or whatever a guide will direct me back here later

or...maybe not

i mean im next to the shrine but it's surrouned on all sides by wall?

bet it's too tall to climb even with potions and my gear

ooh or if it isn't those lfying guardians will fuck me up in a snap

YES i got lucky and found my way in from the top

or no i found...a sword, great, how do i get into the SHRINE

YES here it is

dude i got an ATK+ helmet!! i got GEAR!!!! YES

AAAAH I GOT ATTACKED AS SOON AS I GOT OUT

nope fuck this im fast traveling. goodbye forever, maze island

geez i guess that must be nearly it for this province then i got one shrine left i think and then i could........go to death mountain?

tbh kinda tempted to go back down to lake hylia but i'll pass for now, i want more Plot

i suppose i didn't do akkala beach but it's small and remote so i'm ok with that for now - i can clean up the endgame stuff later when better guides are out

there's a stable next to this shrine!! yay!!!!!!

omg there's a goron here!!!!! hi!!!!!!!!!!!!

finally hit 10k rupees

ooh this guy is talking about a legendary sword...GIMME MY MASTER SWORD

tbh i'll be disappointed if there's no special quest to get it tho like you just...find it? kinda weak

AAAH I CAN CHANGE MANES HERE........jemma has a floral mane now ;w;

too bad i didn't find this before, i can't ride her up death mountain, unfortunately - it's so much faster to fast travel, and she might get hurt, and i'll have to get on and off of her so much... ):

oh wait, i haven't explored the lake yet! i forgot! i can take her there <3

all the guardians here scared the shit out of me but they arent functional, thank god

NO FUCK THERE ABSOLUTELY IS A LIVE GUARDIAN HERE.....fuck fuck i can't KILL them

omg no i see TWO of them

if it was just one i might try my luck, but...no way

i'm sure in the future i'll be able to get more guardian arrows but right now i have, like, 4? so i can't waste them

and when i have the guardian armor that'll help too but. not Now

aaah i found somsone whose ancestors died at that tower...apparently the last stand was made there at what used to be the fortress after the castle fell ;_; and he wanted to pray there but it's too dangerous and i am AD oh my god

i can see the death mountain tower and a shrine from the akkala tower, but i can only reach the shrine by gliding. the tower is surrounded by (UGH) snow

lol the shrine is by a stable too

AAAH kass is here!!!!!!

AWWW he said the song he's playing was used by the ancient hero to call his horse!! gonna cry omg

bro lmao there's an ostrich running around here what kinda shenanigans

oh my god this dried lava under the tower is SO COOL it's so BIG and i feel so SMALL

ah, eldin tower - so this is the eldin province

wow the first stops are quite a ways up on this one! lucky i have so much stamina

ooooh my gosh the eldin map is HUGE and FULL OF LAVA im not sure im Prepared for this!!!

lol in a fun twist the temperature gets HOTTER as i gain altitude. ohhh man

i guess...i wanna do plot. i'll try to make it to goron city, and come back and explore later

when i have more fireproof elixirs lol rn my inventory is packed so i could only buy 3

oh my god i can't use wooden weapons, my arrows turn into fire arrows as soon as i get them out, even the loot will catch fire if you leave it too long, this is Intense

OH MY GOD A STONE TALUS BUT IT'S LIKE, MAGMA-Y

okay this is cool i wish i hadn't waited so long

lmao i accidentally drank a defense elixir and erased my fireproofness early OOPS

omg you can't use bomb arrows either dkgjhdfg the heat makes them explode instantly

unfortunately the only thing that makes a dent is ice arrows and i just don't have enough rn....BUT I WILL RETURN god that is so cool okay anyway

all right......i really like this region. normally i'm a water person, ESPECIALLY in zelda games, but rain and lightning have been nothing but a pain in my ass since i started playing. maybe i was ready for some #Heat

HA there's the fucking blood moon good thing i DIDN'T kill him it would have been erased right after

the blood moon looks kinda cool when the air is already like this tbh but i still hate it

like on a gameplay/story integration level it's a cool way to explain monsters coming back

but also im angry on behalf of hylians and everyone else like

no matter how hard they fight every month it comes back, it's all in vain

the music here is super cool, also

omg i found a little camp of gorons!!

ooh, a hylian...and he'll give me fireproof armor for lizards OOOO:

hahahaha...they can't dig up ore because of a lizard monster

my heart twisted, fondly

geez i wish i had time to catch some lizards...........

i caught a few but not 10, and i only have one elixir left, since i used one early. i guess if it comes to it i could try to make another but

YES okay i did it!! good

and armor i now have!!

altho i hope i don't run out of armor inventory space that would SUCK what with all the work that goes into collecting and upgrading it tbh

LOL i hit an emu or ostrich or whatever it is and the meat it dropped immediately became roasted oh my god

HOLY FUCK THE MOUNTAIN IS ERUPTING

NOW THIS SHIT BRINGS BACK MEMORIES OH MY GOD

running for cover!!!! almost dying!!!!!!!!! good times im so happy

it's like getting to do it the very first time all over again

oh my god i just got a divine beast cutscene as i got to goron city i am quaking in my boots it is SO BIG

and now i'm out almost 3k rupees but i have full fireproof armor!

oh my god you can get a goron massage at the inn

"it doesn't hurt a bit" yeah i bet

[cue lots of screaming]

omg theres a gerudo lady sleeping here!! are you not on fire?!?!

SO IS PAINTER DUDE...?

omg they must have elixirs ldfjkgh

"abandoned mine - do not stray from path! both literally and figuratively" slkdfjgh what does that MEAN...

aw, they sleep on beds of hoat coals

man this shrine im doing is so complex!! like many multiple rooms, it's neat

i got like 9 orbs now i need to find somehwere to trade them in

omg so im lookin for the goron who went to get the stuff out of the vault and HE'S TALKING IT'S SO WEIRD it still always shocks me

how do i..? my bombs don;t work, so

OH OMG I CAN USE THE CANONS i thought maybe you had to wait for permission lol

poor goron he's scared and trembling...haha just like the ones in the fire temple. bye

HE TALKED IN HIS OPENING CUTSCENE...IM SO GLAD

yunobo! aww he's precious i love him

i suspect this is the area where i'll have to get inside the divine beast tbh bc of all the cannons

lol almost yped it with one n. shh

the embers here are so pretty...next time i paint hotland i'll remember them

i wanna paint THIS, tbh

like, anything. from this game. god Damn

ooooh a daruk statue

omg IM GETTING A MEMORY YES!!!!!!

I LOVE HIM

I LOVE DARUK

WHO PATS BACKS TOO HARD AND PUNCHES OUT ROCKS

oh my god he had the same kind of barrier that yunobo put up around himself are they related!!!! im gonna cry i love them so much

yep hahahaha the next words out of boss's mouth!

oooh he has the blessing, that's what the barrier is

yunobo's at eldin bridge...? that's MILES away

OH!!! omg my brother reminded me there are two in tp hahahaha so i guess i got them mixed up

so where is eldin's bridge actually......

too bad i cant swim up lavafalls lol

i found a minecart and put it on the track but bombs dont make it go and i can't magnesis it when its under my feet??

AHA, STASIS

okay that was super fun but i hate beating up my weapons like that

there's a shrine here but the glowing orange blends right in with this lava, i nearly missed it

AWWW yunobo's gonna be the canonball! bless him

omg is he gonna follow me!!!! I HAVE A FRIEND

IM GONNA CRY FINALLY IM NOT ALONE <3333

oh god okay here we go i guess??? im so scared

like. its so big.i cant impress upon anyone who hasnt played it. how big it is. and the mountain is so much bigger and i am so small. i keep saying that but i'm like. DWARFED by this thing, it's truly incredible

ohhhhh an escort mission.......and stealth, which im Bad at. man, the elephant was a lot cooler so far

AWW omg we snuck past the first one and he went "hee hee!" and it was so cute i love him so much

he stands at attention so quick when i do the stop whistle please please i love him

also i feel like i recognize SO many voices in this...i gotta imdb it later

the voice acting isn't even anything extraordinary, it's like, not awful but nothing jaw dropping

but the fact that they speak blows my mind every time

i used to fantasize about that in a "fff yeah right the day after never" kinda way and here we are.....

omg i got stuck and talked to him and it's like. what he said was completely useless but it's like having a companion!!! oh god i've been so lonely

oh god i looked up too far and saw the beast and it is. so big. i know i keep saying this but it is gargantuan. it's HUGE. i can't believe how big it is

lol i couldnt figure out why the trail ended and spent half an hour wondering what i was supposed to do

turns out i should have been firing at the divine beast this entire time so i gotta go back and start over and walk up the trail again LMAO

at least you only have to clear the sentries once

ah FINALLY im inside!

DARUK IS TALKING TO ME ;_;

HE ALWAYS KNEW LINK WOULD BE BACK im so sad. i feel human emotion

oooh it's all dark in here

and blue flame!!

ohhhhh man i love these 3D maps

OH MY GOD YOU CAN TURN IT

it's so big. oh my god

wait it isn't hot in here! i can use any item i want!

god i forgot how the music becomes creepier the closer you get

i can't believe this...turning the whole dungeon...some stone tower temple shit

ooh okay still hot OUTSIDE of the divine beast...too bad

noooo i found the cockpit pod thingy...like are their skeletons just decaying in there or

ooh boy oooookay last one here we GOOOO...

"PAIN IN THE CRAG" LOL NINTENDO PLS

omg daruk cheering me on as i fight ;______;

awww that wasnt too bad ive fought WAY worse enemies just roaming around on the map

oh ew GROSS

DARUK ;_;

me after daruk sent link away: aaaww i love him but that wasn't as gut-wrenching as mipha's

me after daruk saw yunobo from a distance and they waved at each other: literally actually crying, there are tears really on my face

WHY COULDN'T MIPHA SEE HER FAMILY FROM A DISTANCE, HUH

if it doesn't happen i swear to god i will draw it if i have to

oooh boss is talkin about the master sword

it's in a forest - that's gotta be the lost woods or i'll eat my pointy green hat

but i mean. if you just find it. there's gotta be some kinda quest or build up

wow, i'm finally at the tippy-top opf death mountain...i feel like i could go anywhere from here

omg i flew to a shrine and i have to complete a training thing to get in??? oh my god

oh no. i have to climb the thing. #why

aww that wasn't too bad. did it on the first try

i found the end of the map on "land" ... it's a deep gorge and you die if you go too far down, probably even if you're on foot

but there's land beyond that, even on the map, so it doesn't feel as freaky as just MEGA WIND on the ocean

why is there a hinox EVERYWHERE i try to go. why.

dude theres a giant skeleton of some sort on my map...omg

probs a hinox there too tbh

...wait a second.

i'm at a HOT SPRING

i recover hearts by swimming, so maybe i could fight this hinox...

AND i have daruk's protection, three whole charges, two fairies, my hearty radish food, and mipha's grace.........i can do it!!

wow okay and i just used up the grace and one fairy on this bokoblin camp so nevermind

tbh i don't even like fighting them...i suck at combat and the rewards are almost never worth the fight

okay but i literally could get anywhere from death mountain i think and i do mean LITERALLY that isn't hyperbole, assuming i had infinite stamina. damn. thats a Big Mountain

gonna go investigate the skeleton

there's monsters under it! i am standing above them on the ribcage and cheesing it with bombs

also it says eldin great skeleton was this a dragon.........

was this in the trailers or was it somewhere else?

standing inside the skull of this thing 

i realize just how BIG the dragons are

like. damn

everything in this game makes me feel like an ant

lol this is the First Ever shrine i'll have to come back to not bc i can't figure it out but bc i ran out of fucking arrows. incredible

the problem is i can't really explore here bc my fire armor hasnt been improved at all, my defense SUCKS

i just died bc i found a talus lol and it two-shotted me and like. i have a pretty good amt of hearts, here

also next time im exploring first i feel like i'll never know if ive seen everything or not bc i'm all lost and don't know what i looked at and what i didn't :/

i hate to like, leave it and say i'll come back to it bc i know i probably won't, but games are supposed to be fun! and attempting to explore this area with all my armor at 3 defense is like. not fun. dying over and over: Not Fun

i feel like seeing or doing something new!!

what i need is my own copy of the map on the computer so i can just mark off the areas i wanna explore later

oooh i found an interactive map!! which i can't. screencap and annotate for myself, but

oh well, it's too much trouble to find one, and ps would be really slow rn anyway since i havent used it in awhile

however this map DOES have memory locations, so i'm gonna grab a few of those

okay NOW i found a shrine idk how to do. tbh i can't be fucked rn, i wanna go get memories

holy fuck the first memory i unlocked had like a PILE of dead monsters link just fucked up, including a silver maned lynel, which my ass has NOT killed yet, holy shit

ONWARD

HOLY SHIT the one i just got was in the trailers!! zelda crying on link ;_;

i'm glad tbh bc i was lowkey like...well i know you get her out of the castle bc she cries on you later

but no!!!!

also he strains of zelda's lullaby, them being covered in mud, and link's master sword! MAN

i can't get to anymore atm so i guess i decide where i go next...

tbh i wanna do gerudo next like my brother which means going thru lake hylia!! so it will be a long time before more plot, i guess

ah! the blood moon! gonna warp to the stable and watch it with that guy

lol he's all beautiful moon tonight, eh, finally the blood moon

UM HE'S FREAKING ME OUT HE JUST STARTED RUNNING AROUND AND SAID HIS BLOOD WAS BOILING???

"IT'S SO GLORIOUSLY RED, ARISE MONSTERS" WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

and he acted totally normal after!

"oh you were researching the blood moon too?" WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM YOU FREAK

yep goodbye im leaving

upgraded my armor as much as i could with the fairy, STILL can't afford anti-guardian tech, am actively dying without it, will attempt gerudo and/or lake hylia tomorrow

[thegeminisage]

And Now I Finally Leave This Fucking Plateau

but first im gonna go back to the old mans house one last time to check his diary ;_;

everything else below the cut in case of actual spoilers

on another note i LOVE how fast i can go with the paraglider like #nice

NOOOO HIS CAMPFIRE IS OUT AND HE LEFT A MESSAGE FOR ME AND A PEPPER ON THE TABLE

IM GONNA CRY JESUS CHRIST

man i wonder if that giant stone thing that chased me used to be a jaeger

(i love this in the legend of zelda i have a smartphone and there are jaegers lmao)

well anyway off i go i guess

i can see the bridge and the pin marks it as in the next little section im supposed to visit so im gonna go check it out since my heart hasn’t ached enough yet

oh my god there’s a giant bokoblin down here...oh my god

IS that a bokoblin...? it looks like a reindeer or smth lol

oh wait is it a MOBLIN?? oh my god!!!! hey dude!!!!!!!!

dude. dude. i hyped myself up to fight. i drank my ONLY atk up potion. and i killed him in one hit with a bomb arrow?? that was my OPENER, dude!! fucking weak

oh hey there’s another one

WOW ONE HIT TAKES TWO OF MY THREE HEARTS LMAO

AND IM OUT OF BOMB ARROWS

good news heres the fucking fight i wanted!!! im gonna DIE, but

ok no i threw my sword at him. broke the sword killed the moblin got a sick club instead. #nice

oh my god there’s some people fighting bokoblins!!! real people!!!!!! i will help them!!!

lmao this is not even close to where i meant to go i saw the moblin and got sidetracked

aw their names are mils and mina they gave me an elixir...and left.......

im lonely :|

like in every other game you get a companion right away that then leaves you at the end...in this game the closest thing i got was the old man and he’s already gone

....back to the bridge im going the wrongest of all possible ways

god theres so many ANIMALS out here. i could hunt for days

already killed a fox a deer and another boar

and like. i feel kinda bad. but. the Meat

haha wow all the rusted weapons stuck in the ground...wow...wow

now thats environmental storytelling jesus fucking christ

huh i finally got a rupee...i forgot those were even a thing

OH NO ANOTHER BIG STONE THING??? WHY????

it killed me in ONE HIT oh my god

apparently keese swarms are a thing, which is actually great, i’d love to fight all of them, but i only snagged two or three before they flew away like little pansies

dude i think im at lake hyrule its under the bridge and i got fucked up by an octorok 

OMG OMG OMG OMG IT’S RAINING!!!!!!!! O M G

i have died four times to this ONE bokoblin camp bc this blue dude has a killer sword...im getting it no matter what.

five

six

YES!!!!!!! HAHHA EAT ME AND MORE IMPORTANTLY MY BOMB ARROWS

ooh and now i have ICE arrows...worth it

but i can’t find that sword :/

aaah here it is

ohhhh man. and here at last is eldin bridge

“bridge of hylia” bitch i know what bridge it fucking is

i’ll just cross it once. then back to the story

oh. there are lizalfos.

THEY ALWAYS FUCKING DODGE i will probably die and not be able to cross (: 

yep i died

ok another day then im tired of fighting and dying a lot i wanna explore or story but i don’t wanna keep dying sorry bridge ):

HANG GLIDE INTO LAKE HYLIA bet i won’t have the stamina to get to the edge

holy FUCK i landed in a ring of lily pads and!!! there is!!! a korok here!!!! oh my god!!!!!!!!

hestu...who is hestu

fucked up an octorok

and a goat

oooh i found an underwater village ruins...like im so sad but also it’s so cool

and EXACTLY like that one place in da:i

UH? THE MUSIC CHANGED AND THE MOON IS BLOOD RED THIS WAS NOT IN DA:I AND I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR FREAKY MOON SHIT IN THIS GAME

WHY IS THE SKY AND MUSIC DOING THAT IM SCARED IM GENUINELY SCARED MY HEART IS POUNDING WHAT THE FUCK

OH GOD

OH JESUS I JUST LOST FIFTY YEARS OFF MY LIFE

oh my god okay it wasnt the village it was just a thing that happens now and then

the Blood Moon which revives all the monsters you’ve killed. great. wonderful

can’t go any further bc of lizalfos...tbh i dont need to be exploring this much & right here anyway i REALLY wanna get to kakariko before bed

i found a cooking pot and thought of the old man ))):

hey and there’s a person on this bridge! and a shrine here too...good thing i backtracked

fff ive been playing so long my game pad ran out of battery....and i dont remember how to charge it aside from leaving it on the little station, but you can’t hold it up very well like that........

wow i cant actually Do anything in this shrine...seems i am missing a rune, it doesn’t just give me one

oooomg its stormin omg omg <3<3

LIGHTNING? JUST STRUCK? THE GROUND IN FRONT OF ME????

I DID NOT KNOW IT COULD DO THAT HOLY FUCK

oh my god...oh my god

omg and my weapons in the menu are sparking, the metal ones...i gotta use a wooden one omg

I GOT HIT ANYWAY??? AND DIED?? WHY????? oh my god

if only i could wait out the storm by the old mans fire ;_; i could make my own i suppose but its not the same and i hate to waste fire arrows/flint

i took shelter in the shrine instead and now im watchin the storm while the game pad charges :’)

omg there’s an octorok over here...but in the ground instead of water!!! dude

or maybe it’s a weird kind of deku scrub hahaha

nope it was tentacle-y and gave me octo balloons it was definitely an octorok...i wonder if dekus are even in this game i fuckin hope so

theres a tower over there and i wanna Climb It And Get A Map geez

my game pad keeps running out of battery lol is it trying to tell me to go to bed

you’re weak game pad i’m not going to bed until i find a human settlement tough fucking luck

this post is getting SUPER long but i don’t wanna cut it off bc the next one will be super short bc i KNOW im almost there......

aw hey a sunshower :3

time to put my smartphone on the tower

ah this one was much calmer than the last one

ohhhh finally...a proper map Yes Yes Yes Thank You Nayru Din & Farore

ooh and a new rune

this river is apparently named squabble river which is apt bc thats all i did trying to fucking get across it

Why Do I Never Have Any Arrows

i’m not sure where to go next like i feel obligated to explore those areas i didnt get to yet but also i wanna see other people............

oh i found a merchant! damn food sells for a pretty penny rupee

ok yeah no im obviously gonna be playing until ddawn no need to kid ourselves. cutting this off here

also i havent been on my dash in hours i’ve been writing the posts without looking at tumblr at all i’m sorry i haven’t replied to anyone else’s liveblogs ;_; i just can’t tear myself away from this long enough to catch up on my dash!!!!

[thegeminisage]

last zeldablog of the night!!

the rito section + the ending. i finished the whole thing!! at least i won’t be doing it all week

IT'S KASS!!! last time tho ):

in a way it's nice that the last one is rito village, he gets to go back home soon :3

omg one of the things i have to do is shoot the dragon's horn...smh I THOUGHT I FARMED ALL MY DRAGON SUPPLIES ALREADY

i'm gonna have trauma flashbacks

lmao i still got a horn shard. THANKS, DINAAL

.......i

i wasnt paying attention to where the new shrine appeared. SMH

somewhere grassy but nowhere near here is grassy lmao fuck

wow. time to use the shrine hunter again. been ages old friend

can't find it

warped to a tower to look around; finally found it lol

it was just across the way. sigh

i was too busy going down to get that horn shard. old habits

lol my thingy started going off when i was like.embarrassing close to it

good job sheikah slate

Ah Good, Time For Wind Puzzles

this spinny thing fucking sucks the bomb won't go in the hole half the time

even if i time it PERFECTLY there's only a small chance it will actually go in jesus FUCK

HA

i was trying to use stasis on the FAN while also trying to use the bombs

never thought to just use it on the fucking wheel. until just now i mean

i am reading revali's journal and he is horrible and i love him

they say it takes something beyond skill to pilot the thing a power of the very soul blah blah" and then he goes "they COULD have just asked for me by name" pls. pls.

FUCK

about zelda: "it was so corny i almost died"

omg he hates link SO MUCH

"annoyingly silent"

PFFFFFT "it's difficult for me to comprehend the troubles of the talentless" LEAVE zelda alone she's TRYING

the music at the flight range is so nice

like all the rito music is A+ but this is just the right amount of wistful and cozyhey this next wind puzzle looks absolutely horrific! nearly quit and went to bed with just one glace

so i did it but i fucked up getting the chest and now i have to start over

i...can't even get back to the top???

whew. thought i was glitched or something for a second

THAT WASNT WORTH IT they never are

ok ONE MORE TO GO

i am getting kind of sleepy i will be glad to be finished

unless there's a fifth section, which, will be exciting, but also, i'm tired

i guess i'll just fall asleep quicker, hopefully

ooh you have to SHIELD SURF FOR THIS ONE

...forgot how to do that. smh

HAHAHA OMG THAT SICK FUCKIN JUMP

with the wind and you had to glide oh my GOD that was amazing!!!

last shrine :3

bet it'll be a doozy

oh this is actually fun! like marble tracks

fingers crossed 4 a quick & painless windblight i dont remember it being too hard

course my memory is shit anyways thus the liveblogs lol but

LMAO FINALLY

i have basically no weapons,

and one hundred arrows.

[cracks knuckles]

got im :3 piece of cake

CUTSCENE TIME gimme the goods kass!!!!

I LOVE ZELDA'S WINTER OUTFIT sorry not the point

ahahaha and i love my horrible bird son he's such a show-off and that was admittedly cool

that pushing-yourself-too-hard thing is so jackson tho...nobody look at me

"it's theoretically possible for you to best ganon"

man. his theme is like

so sad tho??? so i get the feeling when i hear it there's unfinished business or things left unsaid. good scoring.

oh there IS a final bit

good lord i am not ready

wait no way

am i really gonna get a divine beast??

OH

THE MOTORBIKE

THEY'RE GONNA GIVE ME THE MOTORBIKE

HAHAHAHAHA oh my god anything for this i CANNOT wait

omg

"descending...beware of tremors"

last time it said that the """tremors""" scared the shit out of me. I BRACED MYSELF IM READY

(im scared i have no idea whats down here)

W H A T

IM IN AN ACTUAL DIVINE BEAST?????

whats it look like on the outside..................

or no it's just a labrynth is what the monk said :/

ohhhhhh boddy but this MUSIC mmm

oooooh it has CONTROLS

still not as cool as piloting a jaeger with no kickass outside but!!

OK THIS IS A PRETTY SWEET BADASS LABRYNTH

fucking rotating spike walls!!! lava!!! god Damn

AND THE MUSIC GETS BETTER AS YOU GO ON BC OFC IT DOES

wow so guadians appear after the 4th terminal and lmao i cant fight 2 at once esp when one is one of those sky fucks...

i could have sworn they took less hits than this did they beef them up for this or smth?

like i LITERALLY cannot move

ok jesus that was harrowing

...hey, if im underground, why can i see the sky?????

it's just a monk? there's no boss?

well ok then :/

GIMME THE BIKE

HOLY FUCK??????

OH NOOOOOOOOOOOO

I'VE NEVER SEEN A MINK MOVE BEFORE THAT'S TERRIFYING I DON'T LIKE IT

ONE MORE TRIAL...IM SCARED

NO WAY

N O W A Y

DO I FIGHT THIS MOTHERFUCKING MONK

I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS WHAT A PLOT TWIST

also this music is AMAZING omg omg what a great twist i'm so happy

are yu kidding me. ARE YOU KIDDING ME

this crusty old-ass monk has been sitting frozen stiff for a PROFOUND ten thousand one hundred YEARS and he is still kicking my ass all over town

jesus CHRIST he's going full yoda!!!!!

oh FUCK he turned into a giant im SHRIEKING this is INSANE

HE HAS A GUARDIAN BEAM LMAO WHAT THE FUCK

I GOT HIM!!!!

ohhhh my god that was the best boss i ever fought :'))))))))

oh my god. i completely forgot about the bike

WHOOOAAHOLY SHIT

THAT'S BADASS LOOKIN LEMME ON IT...

fffFFFFCUK YES

it's a rune!

insert materials...hog do that doesnt sound good. bet its a gas guzzler

o h n o

I ALSO FORGOT ABOUT THE CUTSCENE

I JUST WELLED UP

THEY TOOK A PICTURE TOGETHER!!!!!!!

THEY WERE HAPPY! LIKE A REALLY REALLY DYNSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY!!!!!

AND THEY D I E D

oh my god this is the worst thing!!!!!

I'M LIKE...GENUINELY EMOTIONAL jesus christ

ok its 530 am good talk everyone time 4 me to sleep (past time lmao)

[thegeminisage]

time for MORE ZELDABLOGGING hell yeah today’s stream of consciousness:

i’ve decided that i wanna go south bc like im never gonna catch up with my brother and im Not in the mood to do heat-resistence stuff so i might as well see a thing he hasn’t, right?!

if i get too bored i can always turn around and go north!!

furthermore he’s getting closer to hyrule castle and i dont wanna lol

fast traveled to the dueling peaks and found the tower already

ooh and lake hylia is south as well! tho ofc im doing the southeast one first

and i’ll probably get tired of storyless exploring before i get out that far hahaha

wow the tower is close to the border, i can see the lake hylia province from here

there’s an Immense palm tree lookin jungle and i think i see a giant armos?

but the mountains divide it pretty neatly so it looks to be an easy walk assuming those guardian statues don’t move

ah. of course they move.

at least they can’t get up and walk around :|

too bad you can’t play around in the menu while you wait out rain. i’d rewatch m memories and shit

i climbed this one red looking cliff and the sky went green and the weather changed to all cloudy forever so im probably about to die

and just like that, glided to the tower. easy peasy

ah, the faron province!! cooool

ah wow!! it’s bigger than i realized *w*

watching a lightning storm from one of these towers is fucking terrifying

that lightning does Not fuck around

the maddening thing about this game is seeing so much cool shit in the distance and you can’t check it out yet, or it would be such hard work

i see some glowy shit and a giant pink tree and i wanna explore everything but also it’s so Much

it’s kind of creepy out here :/ maybe i want to go do story after all lol

im ging back to the shrine you hang glide off of so i can start from  somewhere familiar >_>

idk why im so cautious playing this game. like. its a game. its not like it can hurt me

im having trauma flashbacks looking at eventide island

wait is this a

i hear town music!!! omg omg

PEOPLE ;_;

ohhhh my gosh what a beautiful peaceful beachside town

reminds me of bodhum/new bodhum and bits and piece of ff11, which i say with the greatest reluctance

i love everyone in this village just bc they are here

oh god it’s so beautiful i love beaches so much i want to live here

oh my gosh there’s a gerudo here!!!!!! OH MY GOD I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU SINCE MM TALK TO ME

she’s asleep in the inn lol

oh hey the painter dude is here too

some of these hylian npcs are poc which is so do cool and overdue

ooh a chest game

i lost lmao

OH MY GOD

the gerudo lady is awake and she is. so tall oh my god

im gay

i am Gay

I Am Gay

oh, man. oh man

are they all  so beautiful. so Strong. good god

i wish this village was bigger i could have happily stayed here for hours

omg

someone a long time ago was standing on a mountain that looked like a broken heart and was like, is this not the place to find your soulmate…? but i haven’t found mine yet

someone mentioned a similar legend here and on the map i see a mountain with a whole heart on it pfffft

im so sick of seeing these stone cirlces everywhere…i can’t blow them up..what do you DO with them? complete the pattern maybe??

oh my god it worked

i’ve passed by so many…how will i ever get all these seeds……..

i know the game wants me to sail here but i hate sailing, it’s tedious, i want to control my boat with the fucking control stick

holy fuck dude the sword im using is so strong?? it cut down a palm in a single swipe!!

the longer i play the more i hate the blood moon

oh no i found a hinox

i was going to avoid him but he has an orb….

idk where it goes tho so there’s no point there’s no point the blood moon will bring him back okay Okay

hes a red one anyway so no big, when the time comes

oh my god ANOTHER hinox with an orb

i bet they go to the twin shrines near the village

but i’m supposed to find a tablet before i do that…….i don’t wanna skip another quest like the zora helm also thats a Long walk jesus christ

NNNONONONO GOD

GUARDIAN THAT CAN WALK OVER THERE NO FUCKING THANKS SO GLAD IT DIDN’T SEE ME

so fucking glad

exploring is so dangerous Why

why do i suck SO much at combat

oooh a bokoblin camp with a black mobiln :/ Yikes

aaand bomb arrows takes care of THAT

i love seeing farosh flying around here but i can NEVER CATCH HIM

i was just a few minutes too late to getting him at a really good spot

but the dragons seem to take the same route over 24h, so there’s that

oh hey im back at green cloud plateau

okay Um am i crazy or did i just hear something roar? was that the wind??

oh god i see a question mark from here something already knows im close

oh ogd oh god why i bet it’s big and awful

IT’S A LYNEL LOL

i dont have any healing or defense stuff no way

oh no i think there’s a shrine up there where he is ): but i can’t get it

AND A HINOX RIGHT NEXT TO HIM? NO THANKS LOL

jesus i knew i’d die here

at least there’s no orb on this one

oh noooo more lightning god the storms here are brutal

omg i found shelter behind a waterfall and there’s the shrine i was sensing!! yes!!!!!

holy fuck im not safe here either i nearly just got fried

in the shrine we go holy shit

may the weather be better when i get out

damn i keep finding ore today… #blessed

I SAW FAROSH AGAIN HE WAS SO CLOSE BUT I WAS STILL TOO SLOW…okay they DEFINITELY take the same route everyday i think

or at least if not at the same time, the same places

ugh i went over to this one place and the weather turned to all lightning forever

KASS? HOLY SHIT DUDE YOU’RE GONNA GET FRIED

im so glad to see him ;_; it’s creepy out here

uh…i think…i have to get struck by lightning…on this hill…oh my god i’ll die???

maybe my lightning rod will work……? please…………..?

aaaaand it did nothing. great. ok

/saves game

……../dons metal armor weapons and shield

LMAO IT WORKED HOLY SHIT

oh my god im alive!!!! i had mipha’s grace just in case but i took an electric elixir

jesus FUCK

yes nice i didnt even have to do anything just get the…chest…….

B R O

i got rubber tights!!! electric resistance!!!!! NICE

ah and when i came out the storm was over :3

but kass is gone ): i wanted to tell him i figured out his song!!!

i knew i should have talked to him before i went in :/

lol i find a boat after playing in the water for 100 years…..not that i wouldve used it, but

aw i met and saved a traveling couple, i’ve saved them before

oh my gosh a STABLE!! all the way out here!!!!

THERE ARE PEOPLE

man i wondered what that couple was doing out in such a remote place

oh wow beedle gave me a single ancient arrow…apparently it deals huge damage even to guardians

maybe this is what the start screen meant by the right tools!!!!

but there’s only one…

robbie from akkala gave it to him…NICE i’ll remember

ah some guy here said there was something glowing at the top of floria waterfall…i gotta check that out

ooh a shrine back here too…nice

god there’s a chest in here that’s REALLY hard to get bc camera angles but it has an ancient core (looked it up) and i need one to upgrade my runes………smh

man…nah. im out. there will be other cores & this is crazy ridiculous

its just the stasis rune anyway and i use that one the least

five big hearty radishes means TWENTY FIVE EXTRA HEARTS

but you can only have a max of 30 lol so

AAAH HERE COMES FAROSH AND IM FINALLY AHEAD OF WHERE HE’LL BE OH MY GOD

I HIT HIM I HIT HIM

I FINALLY GOT A SCALE

almost died for it but. i got it. he throws electricity involuntarily and it’s major stuff i shoulda worn my rubber gear

i kinda wanna wait and see if i can get another……..but i have shit to do

holy shit farosh came back around & i got another scale…wish i could hit his horn

AAAH NO A GIANT STONE THING IS HERE….i have no idea how to fight them im leaving

well idk if the stone thing or the dragon or the shrine was what was supposed to be glowing up here but i don’t see anything new

im almost done exploring this province, actually

gotta walk along one beach and climb the heart mountain and that’s it!

a little tempted to grab my horse since it’s such an easy direct road, but i’d be getting on and off all the time ):

fml there’s a guardian on this beach…pls dont move pls dont pls dont

oh thank god its stuck in the sand

omg there was a chest in the sand but it WASNT A CHEST it was one of those yellow octoroks!!!! but!! i shot it! and got money!!!!!!!! #nice

NOOOO another stone thing!!

but you know the last one took a lot of damage from one accidental bomb so maybe

how do you fight it?? i can’t damage it???

OH OMG THE ORE THING!!! OKAY LET’S DO THIS SHIT let’s go i cooked up so much good food

oh my god i took him down in just a handful of bomb arrows…THATS what ive been running from?

not nearly as scarly as lynel tbh

and i’ve been marking the minibosses on my map so now i can look for jewels there if i ever need to

i found a fuckton in this region but lol i sold them all

i know one great fairy needs 10k rupees and like…..Yikes

im getting pretty good with my bow, i can hit far off targets bc i know how high to aim and shit

i’ve kind of been wondering what happens if you get to the edge of the map

but the wind gets so strong on the beaches i bet you just either run out of stamina if swimming or can’t make the boat get past it if sailing

but what happens if you get to a land edge though…?

i actually dislike getting to edges of maps haha it creeps me out. that disreality unrealization shit. no thanks

in la noire the edges of the map have u-turn streets and you realize the cars are all just on one endless track and no one is in them and no one ever goes home and you start to wonder if this actual universe is a simulation and it freaks you out

anyway.

omfg someone from the yiga clan selling bananas like i actually could have bought some if i wanted LMAO

he actually had me fooled for a moment even though i know what npcs named “traveler” mean

why do they all give me bananas when they die anyway………whats going on with this.

oh my god this dude at the heart shaped pond is in love with this gerudo lady here. and like. same oh my god she’s so Big

but lol you can choose to say “yeah talk to her” or “nope, rival time!”

me: aggressively wants to flirt with the gerudo lady but not in a straight way

pls this cutscene was so cute

but she deserves better than a weirdo like this guy

he like, gave me a twenty, and she fussed at him for being stingy, so then he have me a hundred, and THEN

HE ASKED FOR HIS MONEY BACK LMFAO no way fucknuts

wow and with that im All Done with this province O:

i mean yeah i got quests and shrines to come back and do, but i’ve SEEN everything, yk

maybe now i’ll go up to death mountain haha i feel so slow ): i hope what i saw and did made up for my slow story progress

whoa this weapons guy said he’d remake mipha’s trident if i ever broke it!! what a relief

ah i finally figured out the shrine puzzle by zora’s domain…gotta give that thing a dragon scale. but i like my dragon scales too much so i won’t. maybe later

oh hey the death mountain region tower! that was easy

uhhh what…is that

oh my god a FLYING GUARDIAN are you KIDDING me??? why???????

and they’re everywhere! fantastic!!! my ass is DEAD

oh okay this region is called akkala

at least i get guardian arrows here eventually :|

oh my god ONE SAW ME FUCK

oh my god

I RAN UP TO THE TOWER AND IT’S COVERED IN THE BLIGHT

what is that thing crawling all over death mountain?!

what is happening OH my god!!! so much!! everything!!! all at once!!!!!!!!

wait

that’s the divine beast

oh my god

oh my god.

oh my god it’s so big but even still it looks tiny in comparison to the mountain, oh my god

omg it gets cold up here only at night?? omg

NO there’s a still guardian up here too ;_;

i’m gonna try to kill it!!! good first try it can’t move and there’s cover RIGHT here

second try really but im stronger now

now, i have bomb arrows and lightning rods

ok lightning rod does nothing, bomb arrows dont work in the rain, but i killed it with shock arrows!!

and it wasnt v hard bc i was behind cover the whole time lol

but like, with those arrows - i used maybe 9 or 10? and that was all i used, i threw a couple of bombs at it too i guess

now to figure out how i even get IN here w/ all this gunk…..

fuck a bokoblin near a cooking pot saw me and accidentally set itself on fire lmao

ok i can’t climb past the blight, i tried, but how the fuck do i get rid of it i dont see any eyeballs )))):

……………………….w ait

this bokoblin has a shield with the hylian crest on it. the HYLIAN crest

these ruins have the red carpet with the double line of gold on the side

i’m crying this was someplace special

i don’t know what it was bc it can’t be the temple of time or hyrule castle but it was someplace real i recognize the style of it so faintly and it’s COVERED IN BLIGHT

oh my god………..this is so Much

ah ok a beam fell when i shot the first eyeball and i was like why arent there anymore?? but apparently i can magnesis it

oh wow i found a piece of a room…….totally trashed, jesus christ

must’ve been a lab or library

omg its thundering outside…..that has nothing to do with zelda but it makes this creepier

THERE’S A GUARDIAN AT THE TOP SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME

its not alive tho thank christ

jesus fuck the divine beast is SO BIG and the mountain is still SO MUCH BIGGER i feel so tiny every time i look

anyway it’s 5am and there’s lightning so i gotta unplug for many reasons, this is a fine stopping place, can’t wait to get my ass kicked by that thing and rescue a goron, holy fuck