#it's just a common theme for campaigns with this group okay?

[dungeonsandblorbos]

Campaign Intros: Acquisitions, Incorporated

Acq, Inc. is a 5e campaign that my husband and i play with more or less the same group as the Amazonomachy (unfortunately one of our players had to drop out after the pandemic struck). we're currently 68 sessions in, and should be wrapping it up in another one or two sessions!

i finally learned how to take good, exceptionally thorough and useful notes, and because we're still playing it, i actually have decent memory of it too! so look forward to detailed story times and lots of memes

~anyway~

the setting

the first part of this story is played out of the Acquisitions, Inc. adventure book, which is based on an actual play podcast of the same name made by Penny Arcade. none of us players have listened to it, so if you're confused, you're not alone! and you really won't miss much by not being familiar with the origin story, as our DM did a good job adapting it for an unfamiliar player group

the two main things you need to know are: 1. a while back there was this big wild magic explosion that caused some chaos and transformed some goblins into a new race, called the Verdan, who are a lot like goblins but taller and smarter and slightly magical 2. there's an adventuring organization called Acquisitions, Inc., which is based in Waterdeep but has smaller franchises scattered around the continent and staffed by smaller, less important adventuring parties. our PCs make up one such party, based in Phandalin. we pay monthly dues and licensing fees in exchange for the HQ paying our employees for us, granting us access to cool gadgets and a treasure trove of information, and lending us the brand name recognition. in addition to our class, we also have a job title that gives us special additional proficiencies, equipment, and abilities. also, we opened up a tea shop (called the Cauldron & Kettle Cafe) at our base to earn a little extra money and help keep up our reputation with the locals. Tim hosts a book club there, and is responsible for the tea blends and recipes it uses. he also designed the menu

the party Cauldron & Kettle Questing Company

Jun Vyardes: my PC! you know her, you met her here. a half-elf light cleric/bard and the party's secretarian, a position which specializes in PR and marketing. serves Vestia, a human goddess of domestic fires and revelry. committed to justice, her goddess, and her friends. so really it's kind of funny that she ended up working for such an absurdly capitalist company. dies her red hair darker so it doesn't look quite so much like her father's

Tim Cobbletoss (born Thokk): my husband's PC! a half-orc barbarian and the party's cartographer, a position that specializes in mapmaking and navigation. he was mostly raised by halflings, which means he has the personality of an old english grandma, just with some minor anger issues and major daddy issues. Jun's half-brother; they share a human father who is an absolutely terrible parent. like Jun, a redhead. family-oriented and very much a romantic. also, very tired. he's a very talented carpenter and woodworker, and wields a hammer named Bonk

Taku: a whooping crane aaracokra and path of the four elements monk. (yes that is a stupidly powerful combination but tbh his super squishiness balances it out. he's been knocked unconscious so many times and even literally died once—it's amazing he isn't constantly concussed!) started as our party's loremonger, but switched partway through to our documancer, a position specializing in contracts and legal mumbo jumbo. a responsible and independent bird who left his family because they wouldn't accept him for who he was (a boy). he's smart and earnest and precious and if anything irrevocable happened to him, Jun would go on a wild revenge spree and then immediately self-destruct

Briny: a Verdan Bloodhunter, and the party's hoardsperson, a position specializing in keeping track of and carrying all of the party's loot. a very sweet and naive little gremlin who's a bit of a personality sponge. loves learning new things, their friends, the sea, and gambling, although they don't actually really know how to gamble. has a stash of seashells that they like giving out as presents. also very precious and must be protected at all costs

Gallus: a half-elf rogue and the party's occultant, a position specializing in being edgy and keeping tally of the party's karmic rating. moody and reserved and wary, and naturally another precious boy we must protect. unfortunately, was reassigned to a different branch partway through the campaign (as his player was no longer able to participate)

important NPCs

Girasol Vyardes: aka Daddy Bard—Jun and Tim's father. a redhead. born to a noble family in Amn, his full name is Girasol Agusto Raúl Maximo Narciso Vyardes Corazón de la Verga, but he hasn't gone by that for quite some time. a wandering, philandering, incredibly vain and hedonistic man, he's unfortunately a talented musician, poet, and fencer, blessed (or perhaps cursed) with a silver tongue. despite his flaws and shitty parenting, he genuinely does love Jun in his own way, and wishes he could have been a better father to Tim—when he even remembers that Tim exists, that is

Lidda Cobbletoss: Tim's adoptive mother. a sweet, blind halfling woman who raised Tim with all the love and devotion and good humor he deserved from a parent. has an elderly tuxedo cat named Hank

Tela and Teleku: Taku's baby twin siblings! they heard about how cool and rebellious their older brother was and also didn't really get along with their conservative parents, so they ran away to try to find Taku—and succeeded! Tela is a girl and hatched first. she's more assertive and energetic, and has been learning how to fight to protect Teleku. she also learned fire stance from Taku's monk friends! Teleku is a boy and hatched second. he's shy and chill and smart, and learned water stance. Jun immediately adopts them as her own baby siblings and, like a good big sister, shows off her own fire magic to them, helps Briny teach them about gambling, and regales them with wildly exaggerated (and sanitized) tales from the party's adventures, which Tela believes whole-heartedly

Gildna Dunn: a timid half-orc woman who serves as the Cauldron & Kettle's major domo (administrative assistant). she also served as its previous inhabitants' major domo

Gorkow: a little goblin friend we picked up along the way of our earliest adventure and hired on as help for the tea shop. he has a giant sword covered in bones that he refers to as his "butter knife"

Minghee "Min" Graywind: an adventurous young human woman we hired to run messages, errands, and trades for us. her mom runs the general store in Phandalin, and does not like that we hired her

Noriel: a sad sap of a mandolin-playing minstrel (aka bard). we took pity on him and ended up hiring him on to help Jun advertise the Cauldron & Kettle's services. eventually, together with Gorkow, Min, and Susan and her dogs, forms our party's B Team

Susan: an unusually intelligent ogre woman who has two big fluffy dire wolves. we hired her on for security gigs, especially helping Min stay safe on the road, and let her and her dogs live in our basement

Ol' Fivesides and company: a crew of modrons gnomes we hired on as engineers and maintenance crew. they made us some automaton training dummies/security bots and a steam-powered tea trolley shaped like a teapot. they're mostly metallic orbs with spindly arms and wings, lead by a cube named Ol' Fivesides who wears a large tricorn hat and an eyepatch; despite their appearance, they insist that they're all just very mechanically minded gnomes. they're a little creepy but they've got the right spirit

Ken: a half-orc, half-ogre, and very sweet spirit, bless his heart. huge—over seven feet tall and about four feet wide at the shoulders. Briny is enamored with how tall he is, and Ken is enamored with how small Briny is, and so they immediately became friends. a talented cook, though his presentation could use some work. the winner of a cooking competition we hosted to find a new chef for the Cauldron & Kettle Cafe

Dorkas Nimblewood: Tim's favorite author. we never actually meet her, but she's nonetheless a very important part of this campaign's lore. she's the genius behind such classic erotic love stories as My Kingdom of Thirst, Beards and Beer: Dripping Ale and Dwarven Daddies, and her newest project, Dancing with Dragons: Domination in the Lair

the plot . . . hook

mistaken for an experienced adventuring group, the five of us were called into investigate a collapsed tunnel in Waterdeep while working as interns for Acq, Inc. in doing so, we found a mysterious but powerful magical object, which seemed to be merely a piece of a larger, even more powerful object. afterwards, we were sent to Phandalin to take over an abandoned Acq, Inc. franchise location and investigate the disappearance of its old party

in time, we began unravelling a dangerous conspiracy—an evil organization called the Six was trying to find all the pieces of a magical orrery and use it to open a rift in the universe to welcome their gods (read: horrible eldritch monsters of the outer realms) to the material plane, and probably bring about the end of everything in the process. and it just so happens that the mysterious but powerful object we found in the collapsed tunnel in Waterdeep was a piece of said orrery

thus began a race against the Six to steal all the pieces of the orrery first and save the universe. no pressure for a few newbie adventurers, right?

[mugloversonly]

Fresh Meat?

This was inspired by a post by @piratefishmama

Summary: Eddie goes to a gay club for the first time and gets unwanted attention. Steve steps in.

WC:4110

Steve slid into the booth with a round of drinks and passed the around to the group. Beers for him, Nancy, and Johnathon, a lemon drop for Robin, and a coke for Argyle. Steve was the designated driver, but Argyle didn’t cross-fade...in public anyway. He came back in the middle of a conversation.

“King Leer was a tragedy.” Johnathon was saying.

“Yes, and there is a common theme in Shakespeare’s tragedies vs his comedies.” Robin insisted. Great, a literature talk. Steve loved listening to them go at it, but sometimes he hated that he couldn’t contribute.

“The kings are the main characters in the tragedies?” Johnathon asked. Nancy let out the most put upon sigh and Robin face palmed.

“In the tragedies the ignored the women my man.” Argyle said with a slap to Johnathon’s shoulder.

“Thank you!” Robin yelled. Steve could practically smell the ramble coming and needed to change the subject quickly.

“Robs, that girl is looking at you.” He pointed to a pretty blonde across the bar. She whipped her head around so fast it was a surprise it was still attached to her neck. When she spotted her, she chugged her drink before standing up.

“I’m going in.” She said as she moved toward the blonde. As she walked off, it was like a dam opened up. Nancy and Johnathon took the dance floor together. Argyle slid out of the booth with a pat on Steve’s shoulder. He watched him go and saw him start dancing alone. Argyle was ridiculously confident. If Steve could bottle that confidence he would make billions.

Steve drank the rest of his beer and grabbed another by the time the others came back. He wasn’t much of dancer, he liked to come along for the atmosphere and to make sure his friends got home safe.

When Robin got back, she was alone. But Steve noticed a number on her arm. With a pointed look he lifted his hand for a high five. She blushed before reciprocating. Now that everyone was having a good time, conversation turned to more mutual interests.

Steve glanced around the bar and saw something that unnerved him. There was a guy on the other side of the bar gesturing broadly. His shoulders were relaxed, his long curly hair flew around has he talked. The man he was talking to was not backing down. The man turned towards the bar as if to dismiss the other guy and Steve nearly spit out his beer. He grabbed Robin cutting her off mid-sentence.

“Is that Eddie Munson?!” He asked pointing. Robin turned and followed Steve’s gaze.

“It is! The kids have a campaign this weekend?” Robin asked. The rest of the table looked over. Even though he wasn’t in high school anymore, Eddie still came around to Hawkins quite frequently to play D&D with the kids and visit his uncle.

“He looks good.” Argyle said. “Like living in the big city really works for him.” The others nod in agreement. They watched as the guy he was talking to took the hint and backed off. Not long afterwards, another guy came up and started chatting him up. Everyone else moved on from Eddie, but Steve couldn’t.

He watched as Eddie was flirted with left and right. Multiple guys bought him drinks and even one guy boldly grabbed hand as they talked. Eddie was blushing, obviously a bit nervous and overwhelmed with all the attention. Steve wasn’t jealous. He wasn’t. Just because he had a small crush on him after the few interactions they had didn’t mean he cared who talked to him.

They guy kissed Eddie and Steve tore his gaze away. It wasn’t his business. Robin locked eyes with him and glanced at Eddie over her shoulder. She winced sympatheically and pat his shoulder. “You okay?” She asked.

Yeah. It’s not my business. We barely friends.” Which was kind of true. The kids made sure they were civil with each other and they may have hung out with them at the same time, but they never had any one on one time.

As they are talking, Steve watches Eddie push the guy away and turn away from him. His shoulders are tense and pulled up to his ears. Steve watches as he fiddles with his glass, very obviously uncomfortable. The guy grabbed Eddie’s shoulder and forcibly turned him back to him, his anger palpable even from this distance. Eddie goes to stand up but the guy crowds him against the bar. Steve’s eyebrows furrow as he looks for the bartender. Unfortunately, he’s busy on the other side of the bar. His intense gaze causes the others to follow it.

“Hey, that doesn’t look good.” Johnathon said what they all were thinking.

“Go save him.” Robin said, nudging him and wiggling her eyebrows. “Don’t the kids call you a paladin? Go do your paladining.” She said. Steve rolled his eyes and raised his hands in surrender. He stood and made his way over to the men. As he got closer he could hear Eddie.

“I told you man! I’m here with someone, leave me alone!” He growled out, the frustration clear. Steve never knew Eddie well in school, since he was a year ahead initially. But due to the little butt heads, they knew each other a bit now and knew how to read him. And although Eddie was acting tough, Steve could see his hands shaking slightly. This guy was bigger than him and it was clear he knew he couldn’t win if they fought.

His eyes darted around the room frantically and Steve picked up the pace. He ran up to Eddie’s side sliding an arm around his shoulders.

Eddie tensed as he glanced at Steve. He saw as Eddie finally recognized him and relaxed. He leaned back into Steve’s chest. “Hey baby.” Steve said dropping a kiss to the other man’s cheek. He hoped Eddie’s DM skills would kick in and he’d play along.

“Hey love, there you are!” He exclaimed sliding his hand around Steve’s waist. “I was just about to order us another round.” He turned his back to the other guy, attempting to dismiss him.

“Hey! I was here first.” The guy turned on Steve. “Back off.” Steve snorted and put on his bitch face.

“Are you still here?” He raised an eyebrow. “Not only, is he taken, by me I might add, but he’s way out of your league.”

“This freak? He’s lucky to be noticed by me.” The guy sneered. Eddie stiffened at the word freak and Steve felt his protectiveness flare up.

“If he’s so lucky, why are you acting so desperate? Could it be that you know your comb over is super obvious?” He asked pursing his lips. The guy’s eyes hardened. Eddie snorted. “Or maybe it’s that you’re LARPing as a well off man. What with your knockoff Rolex? Seriously, you’d be better off not wearing anything. That’s not even to mention your smell. It’s called a shower. Or if that’s too confusing, deodorant.” Steve sneered.

“The fuck is your problem?” The guy spat.

“My problem is that you’re still here. Seriously, I’ve seen garbage cans with more appeal. Buh, bye.” Steve threw one last bitchy look and wiggled his fingers while gesturing away from them. The guy looked like he was going to try one more time before he stomped off. “Are you alright?” He asked, turning to Eddie.

“Yeah, thanks for the save.” He said shyly. “He just wouldn’t take no for an answer. I told him I was here with someone but he wouldn’t back off.” He took a big sip of his drink.

“Are you here with someone?” Eddie shook his head. Steve glanced over his shoulder at his table and made the decision to invite Eddie to join them. Eddie finished his drink then the two of them made their way over and everyone exchanged pleasantries. They spent the next half hour catching up, turns out Argyle knew Eddie from his drug dealing days, which was a surprise to absolutely no one.

“Looks like you’re pretty popular.” Nancy said with a wave around the bar.

“I think it’s just obvious that I’ve never been here before. Or anywhere like it.” Eddie admitted.

“This your first time in a gay bar?” He asked. Eddie nodded and took a sip from his drink.

“They can smell fresh meat.” He gave a self-deprecating laugh. Steve didn’t like that.

“I mean, sure but guys are probably lining up to talk to you.” He argued. At Eddie’s incredulous look, he continued. “Come on, Eds. You’re ridiculously attrative. It’s almost offensive.” Eddie blushed and glanced away, pulling a lock of hair over his mouth.

“Thank you.” He mumbled. Steve’s heart raced as he realized what he just said and he looked at Robin for help. Like the best friend she is, she stepped in and changed the subject.

“Another drink Eddie?” She asked.

~~~

A few rounds later, and it was Argyle turn, but as he got a count, Eddie started to sway. “Are you a light weight Eddie?” Robin joked. Everyone chuckled, including Eddie, but he suddenly grasped the table. His face paled and he turned to Steve.

“I don’t feel so good.” He said.

“How much have you drank?” Steve asked. Eddie held up two fingers. Steve may be the keg stand king, but Eddie Munson was known to be able to hold his liquor. Steve looked into his eyes and they were glassier than they should be after two drinks. Shit. “Nancy, get the car.” He said tossing Nancy the keys, his tone leaving no room for argument. “I think you were drugged, Eds.” Steve said as he wrapped an arm around him.

“Yeah, that’s what it feels like.” He said, slurring. “I need to go home.” He stood as if he was going to get there on his own. He made it two steps before he stumbled. Steve caught him and gestured to Argyle. The two each got on one side of Eddie and helped him out of the bar. Robin and Johnathon ran ahead to meet Nancy at the curb. The three men slid into the back of the BMW. Steve fished in Eddie’s pockets for his van keys. “Hey, buy a guy dinner first.” He said. Still, he pulled his car keys out of his jacket pocket and handed them to Steve, who handed them to Johnathon.

“I’ll follow you.” Johnathon said. Robin went with him stating that if Eddie decided to throw up she didn’t want to be here for it.

“Where to?” Nancy asked.

“My house.” Steve said. He knew his house would be empty. It would be the perfect place for Eddie to sober up. As Nancy started driving, Steve did his best to keep Eddie awake. Thankfully, Steve didn’t live far from the bar and they were soon pulling up to the house. Eddie was having a hard time staying upright so Steve carried him into the house.

“Carrying me over the threshold, Stevie?” He asked. “Don’t you need to give me a ring before that?” Steve’s face heated and he had to remind himself that Eddie was drugged. “Or am I a damsel in distress?” He bopped Steve’s nose as he said this. As he carried Eddie to the living room, he saw Robin trying to hold in a laugh out of the corner of his eye.

She’s never going to let him live this down. He laid Eddie down on the couch and ran to his bedroom to get him some pjs. He dug through his drawers to find something with an adjustable waistband since Eddie significantly thinner than him. He grabbed his softest shirt and ran back down the steps. When he got there, Nancy was forcing Eddie to drink some water and Argyle and Johnathon were in the kitchen cooking something for all of them. Robin, was anxiously rambling about side affects that could indicate that it’s getting worse not better. Eddie was nodding along with a serious expression, but it was obvious he wasn’t really paying attention. When Steve came in the room, Eddie’s eyes found him and his face lit up.

He gave him a tiny finger wave, a blush creeping across his cheeks. “I found some clothes for you. The sweats have a cinched waist so they should stay up.” He said, handing over the clothes. Eddie’s smile turned into a pout when he saw the shirt. “What? Not metal enough for you?” Steve joked. Eddie looked at him with those big Bambi eyes.

“I was hoping you’d let me borrow one of your sweaters. They always look so soft.” Eddie whined. Steve laughed and that made Eddie jut out his bottom lip even further. He crossed his arms over his chest and turned away.

Steve sighed and dashed back up the steps. He returned with his soft yellow sweater and handed it over. “Is that better, Eds?” He asked the older boy. Without a care in the world, Eddie stripped down to his boxers and pulled on the clothes. If sunshine could be a person, that was Eddie when he pulled on the sweater. It was a bit too big for Steve, so Eddie was practically swimming in it.

“Way better, Stevie. Thank you.” He said shyly. Robin gave Steve a knowing look and mouthed Stevie. She knew about his small crush on the boy and he knew she would be relentless later. Before Steve could respond, Eddie let out a jaw cracking yawn and his eyes began to slip shut. “Can I go to sleep now?” He asked. He laid down and curled up, seeming to not care about the answer.

“Do you want to sleep in a bed maybe?” Steve asked. Eddie shook his head.

“You can sleep in Steve’s bed.” Robin goaded. Eddie sprang up and nearly fell of the couch in his excitement.

“Lead the way to your rich people bed, big boy!” He shouted. The teens giggled at his antics. Even drugged up, he was still the life of the party. He tried to stand up but he was still a little wobbly so Steve gave him a hand up to his room. He tucked Eddie into bed and made sure he had everything he needed. He snuggled under the blanket on his back.

“Sleep well, Eds.” Steve said as he made his way to the door. He went to close it, but he heard a soft sniffle that gave him pause. “Eds?” He asked. He turned back to the bed and saw that Eddie was now laying on his side with his head buried under the blankets. Steve rushed back to his side and knelt down. “What’s wrong?” He asked, pushing his hair off his face.

“I’m sorry.” Eddie whispered wetly as tears fell over his lashes. Steve shushed him quietly.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” Steve reassured. Eddie shook his head.

“I ruined your night. You had to leave the club all because I was too stupid to pay attention to my drink.” He said wetly. “Sorry, you can go, I shouldn’t drop this all on you.” He rolled over so he wasn’t looking at Steve anymore.

“Eddie,” Steve began stroking the other boy’s hair. “You didn’t ruin anything. In fact, I liked seeing you.” He said. Eddie rolled back to him, a small glimmer of hope in his eyes.

“Really?”

“Really. I like seeing you Eddie.” Steve took a deep breath and decided to be brave. “I just like you actually.” He said. Eddie’s eyes shined.

“Will you stay with me?” He asked hopefully. Steve smiled.

“Let me tell the others and I’ll be right back.” Steve did just that to the catcalls and wolf whistles of the others. He went back to his room and changed into his pjs. Looking at Eddie, he asked “do you want me to sleep on the floor?” Eddie grabbed the edge of the blanket and pulled it up, gesturing for Steve to slide in. Once he did, Eddie cuddled up to him and wrapped his arms and legs around him, like an octopus. “Goodnight Eddie.”

“Goodnight Stevie.”

~~~

The sun shined through his window right into his eyes, causing him to jerk awake. For a moment Steve was confused by the pressure on his chest, but when he glanced down and saw Eddie, the night came back to him. He gently shook Eddie awake. “Good morning sleepy head.” Steve whispered. Eddie shuffled around before opening his eyes.

His confusion quickly turned to panic and he jerked back from Steve. He frantically looked around before sitting up abruptly. He tilted to the side as the world spun and slapped a hand over his mouth looking at Steve.

Steve jumped up and opened the door to the bathroom and Eddie rushed in. He emptied the contents of his stomach and Steve rushed in to hold back his hair and rub his back. When he was finished, Steve handed him a cup of water and helped him sit back against the tub. After a few minutes, he spoke.

“Not that I’m not grateful for the help; but, what happened?” The panic was coming back. “How did I get here? Did we…” Eddie’s eyes grew impossibly wide. “Did we fuck?” He asked. Steve reared back and held his hands up.

“No, no. What do you remember?” He asked. Eddie closed his eyes tight.

“I remember, guys coming up to me and buying me drinks, um..a guy being pushy, and you coming over. But everything after that, is a blur.” He said shaken.

“There’s no easy way to say this. You were drugged at the bar last night.” Steve said. Eddie recoiled and slammed back into the wall. Steve leaned closer but Eddie shrunk back, so he pulled back again.

“Did you drug me?” He asked. At first Steve was offended. What kind of guy did Eddie think he was? But as he looked at Eddie, he saw that he didn’t really believe it, he was just scared and confused. In a bathroom he didn’t recognize, after having puked up his guts, with no memory of how he got here. Steve took a beat to calm down before responding.

“No, I didn’t. I was with Nancy, Robin, Johnathon, and Argyle. They can all tell you. We saw that guy crowd you against the bar. We think he drugged you.” He said, his hands held up where Eddie could see them. Still Eddie was tense.

“Where are they? Can I ask them?” Steve nodded. The group had spent the night and if he was right about the time, the boys would be in the kitchen cooking breakfast as the girls kept them company. Steve helped Eddie stand and they made their way downstairs.

The closer they got, the voices of the group filtered to their ears.

“Do you think Eddie’s going to freak out when he wakes up?” It sounded like Johnathon said. Eddie snorted behind him as they heard the group’s conversation.

“You’re worried about Eddie?” Robin snorted. “You know Steve has a huge crush on him. It’s him I’m worried about, hopefully he doesn’t embarrass himself too badly” she giggled. Steve felt his face heat as they stepped into the kitchen. No one spotted them at first as Eddie slid up next to Steve and gave him a look.

In the end, it was Argyle who spotted them. “Hey, man! How you feeling?” He boomed. The rest of the group turned towards the kitchen door.

“Like I woke up with a major hangover.” He replied. “Stevie said I was drugged?” He asked. The group all nodded.

“Yeah we think it was that asshole who was hitting on you at the bar. Nancy got his license plate number.” Johnathon said. Eddie looked impressed with Nancy.

“I figured if you wanted to take action, you’d need some information.” She blushed. Eddie walked over and gave her an exaggerated kiss on the forehead in thanks. He sits in the free seat next to her and Robin jumps up to run to Steve.

“How much of that did he hear, do you think?” She asked, doing her best to be quiet during her panic.

“I’m pretty sure he heard the last thing you said, at the very least.” He whispered back. He glanced at Eddie and found the other man’s eyes already on him. Shit. He glanced away quickly and moved to the kitchen to get some coffee. He made himself and Eddie a cup and took his own seat. Argyle and Johnathon plated the food and set it in front of everyone.

Eddie moaned at the first bite. “Holy shit pattern man! This is awesome.” He exclaimed. Argyle thanked him genuinely and jokingly blew him a kiss. Eddie caught it and put it in his pocket. Steve was not jealous, he wasn’t. The two men were just flirty in nature.

The group laughed and joked through the meal and by the end, Eddie was sure he could trust this group. The boys were the first to head out stating something about needing to help Joyce with household fixes. The girls followed, but were less subtle about why, what with Robin throwing an exaggerated wink at Steve and Nancy giving him a thumbs up. Steve loved his friends, he did, but god they were embarrassing.

As he closed the door behind him, he took a deep breath before turning back to Eddie. He jumped as he realized the man was right behind him.

“Thanks for the rescue, Stevie.” He said. “If you hadn’t been there, I’m not sure where I would have woken up this morning...if I would have woken up.” He admitted.

“It’s no problem.” Steve said. Eddie softly smiled at Steve.

“I heard what Robin said.” Steve stiffened.

“Oh..she was just...just messing around.” He hoped Eddie would believe him.

“Through out breakfast I started to remember last night.” He paused. “Including what you said to me before we went to bed.” No such luck, he knew Eddie knew he liked him.

“I’m sorry.” Steve began, squeezing his eyes shut. “I shouldn’t have told you. But especially when you were vulnerable like that. That was such a dick move, I…” he cut off when he felt lips on his cheek. “Why’d you do that?” He asked opening his eyes.

“Because I knew you wouldn’t.” Eddie replied with a smirk. Steve stared at him incredulously.

“Did you just quote The Breakfast Club?” Eddie cackled and nodded. “I thought you’d never seen it.” He accused him. He distinctly remembers the conversation about this while Steve was waiting for the kids to pack up.

“I hadn’t when we talked about it. But you mentioned it was one of your favorites so I rented it the next day.” He admitted. “It wasn’t too bad.”

“You rented it because I said I liked it?” Steve asked with a shy smile. Eddie looked away and blushed a pretty pink.

“You’re not the only one with a crush you know.” He said looking at Steve through his lashes. “Now that I know you like me back, I was wondering if maybe you’d like to take me on a date?” Eddie challenged.

“You’re asking me to take you out?” Steve teased. Eddie grabbed his hair and pulled it in front of his face.

“Sure am, big boy. The kids rave about your dating prowess.” He dropped his hair and stepped closer to Steve. He leaned forward and whispered in his ear, “I want to experience it for myself.” Steve had to suppress a shiver. Eddie pulled back and flashed a cocky grin. “Or I could take you out. Treat you like you deserve. What do you say, sweetheart?”

Steve made a bold move and grabbed Eddie by the hand, pulling him chest to chest. “I say, all of the above. But before all that, I have a question.” Eddie wrapped his arms around Steve’s waist.

“Shoot.”

“Can I kiss you?” Eddie glanced away shyly. When he met Steve’s eyes they were shinning and his smile was making his dimples pop.

“No one’s ever asked before.” Steve tensed, how dare people disrespect Eddie like that? Before he could get too riled up though, Eddie said “Of course you can.”

Steve leaned forward and closed his eyes. He gently pressed his lips to Eddie’s. It was a chaste thing, but intense. A promise for more.

When they broke apart, their eyes locked and Steve wished he could kiss Eddie like that forever.

Spoiler alert: he got his wish.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/54545650

[theabstruseone]

Side note: This is why discussions of some topics are more difficult because there's no shared common terminology. I know I've seen people in marginalized groups discuss this in a more serious fashion, but my area of expertise is tabletop roleplaying games. And there are a lot of things in tabletop game design that doesn't have standardized terms making it more difficult to talk about them.

One example is the term my ex-podcast cohost coined, the "adventuring paradigm". This is the justification within a tabletop RPG system that explains why a group of people get together and go on adventures. For example, the TTRPG Shadowrun has a very strong adventuring paradigm is that you are a crew of freelance criminal mercenaries hired to do corporate espionage. Meanwhile, a game like Dungeons & Dragons has a rather weak adventuring paradigm as you have to come up with a reason among yourselves during Session Zero as to why this group of player characters formed and why they are doing stuff in the game.

"Session Zero" is another term that is very recent. That is the game session before you actually start playing the game where you lay out all of the expectations for the campaign. For D&D, it would be the DM explaining the world and the type of campaign they plan to run, helping the players choose what sort of characters will work well for that setting and campaign as well as fill all the roles needed for an adventuring party ("I'll play the rogue", "Okay, I'll be a sorcerer", etc.), and establishing the tone (gritty realism vs. over-the-top cinematic action, comedic vs. serious, etc.) While the concept was around for ages, the term "Session Zero" is relatively recent and you can still go look at old RPG forums and see people asking for advice on how to fix problems that, today, would be answered with "That's something to bring up in Session Zero".

Then there's stuff we still don't have terms form. Like "The ability of a rules mechanic to reinforce the theme and/or tone of a setting". For example, Dread uses a jenga tower for task resolution - the more difficult the task, the more blocks you have to pull from the tower and if you knock it over, your character dies. In a horror game, this reinforces the theme of tension and constant threat in that genre. Another example is healing rules - the ability to recover instantly after a battle vs. having a limited pool of health that refreshes slowly greatly changes how a game feels to play at the table with the former feeling more cinematic and the latter feeling more gritty.

Discussing how different rule mechanics change the feel, tone, and theme of an RPG as you're playing it is a very important aspect of game design and there's just not a word for it. Not having the vocabulary to discuss things like that slow down progress on advancing the art and craft of game design.

Your post was used. In my philosophy class today. Live with this knowledge, I guess.

wHAT

[the-chessboard-is-personal]

For the no-currency thing: perhaps have a focus on bartering? If you can find a decent crafting system, that may help players create things to trade away. If not, I'd just make sure there's a group or NPC that the players can request items from. That's the main reason they need currency, so as long as they have another way of going about it I imagine that everything will go well. If it's more interesting, you could make it an item like a hat they reach into and pull things out of.

okay a few things

you can craft in dnd?!

there's not many people in an apocalypse unfortunately, and even less ones with actual skill to make stuff -> 2.5. less people = less people to barter with and less inclination to barter instead of working together to survive (or even stop the apocalypse perhaps)

okay if the main reason money is needed is to get items I can just have like. question blocks I guess?? bc it's mario themed idk, ig I just thought there was Many reasons for currency in dnd campaigns and I'm trying to account for all the common ones at least

[thrillorarc]

misconceptions regarding judaism and jewish characters that i’ve seen perpetuated through the rpc over the years:

“ judiasm , as an organized religion doesn’t allow you to ask questions ” this is fundamentally antithetical to judaism. we as jews are encouraged to ask questions and interpret our texts. in fact , one of our most important texts is literally a bunch of old rabbis arguing about everything in the torah. while different sects of judaism may interpret and follow the word of g-d strictly , there isn’t one right way to be jewish and by enforcing the fundamentalism of christianity onto jewish characters , you are showing you completely misunderstand the ethn-oreligion of your muse. ALSO !!! AND THIS IS IMPORTANT !!! RELIGIONS ARE NOT INTERCHANGEABLE !! BECAUSE YOU GREW UP IN ONE RELIGION DOES NOT MEAN YOU CAN SPEAK FOR THE LIVED EXPERIENCES OF FOLKS FROM OTHER RELIGIONS !!!

“ lilith is a pagan figures and therefore okay for non-jews to write ” lilith is actually specific to judaism , which is a closed practice. it’s one thing to write a character who is jewish while not being jewish , we all write characters whose identities don’t align perfectly ( or at all ) with our own , but lilith is a figure in judaism and therefore is not up for the interpretation of gentiles. period.

“ all jews are ashkenazim ” whether or not you know what ashkenazi is , this is a super common theme i’ve found throughout the rpc. judaism is a diasporic ethno-religion and as such different communities of jews have grown and cultivated their own unique cultural practices. for example , not every jew has a connection to yiddish. ladino and judeo-arabic are two other languages that immediately come to mind for me personally , but there are so many. this also affects traditions during holidays , food , and even styles of worship. diasporic judaism is beautiful , and as a mizrahi jew , i implore you all to do your research. additionally , as a diasporic group , we are also racially diverse and have communities all over the world.

“ judaism is a sector of christianity ” i wish i was lying , i really do. i wish this isn’t something i’ve seen and had to correct when folks were writing jewish characters. alas... here we are. firstly , judaism pre-dates christianity. secondly , christianity has tried to eradicate judaism for nearly as long as it has existed through both cultural and literal genocide. to believe judaism is a branch of christianity is a form of violence. we also aren’t “ basically christians who just don’t believe jesus was the messiah. ” our interpretations of our texts and our traditions surrounding them , are all unique to us. the “ same ” line in the torah and the old testament are always going to be different due to the vastly different lens through which judaism and christianity function. also , if i see one more person relate a crucifix to a jewish character , i’m going to mcfreakin lose it.

“ so-and-so is a canonically jewish character who i write as gay , so i’m going to make their parents violently homophobic to them ” i’m not here to invalidate the lived experiences of any of my fellow jews who have had to deal with homophobia at home. i know it happens , we live in a violently homophobic society and my heart aches for you. but the truth is , jewish communities outside of the ultra-orthedox are historically more progressive towards gay members of their community than christians. starting in the 1960s , jewish organizations began to campaign for the decriminalization of homosexuality in the united states. when gentiles write this trope of homophobic parents , it is almost always coming through a lens of christianity. you say “ah , this character has a Religion , this must mean that Religion hates gays. ” to make this assumption is supersessionist and antisemitic. again , this isn’t to say this doesn’t happen , but i’ve seen this enough for it to be an alarming trend that doesn’t align with the actual history of jewish support for the LGBTQIA+ community.

“ at this point , christmas is a secular holiday so it’s okay if my jewish character celebrates it. ” there are jews who love christmas. there are jews who come from interfaith homes and celebrate christmas every year. there are also jews who hate christmas. christmas can be an isolating time for some jews , a time where we feel excluded or dismissed. there’s an excellent quote that goes “ two jews , three opinions. ” we tend to argue about everything , even -- or especially , amongst ourselves. that being said , christmas is a christian holiday. be cautious and mindful of the way you have your character engage with it. even if i personally despise christmas , i don’t speak for all jews. just be mindful. also , as is a common theme here , don’t just put chanukah under the umbrella of christmas if you decide during the “holiday season” to shift towards it. make an effort to learn about it as a holiday separate from christmas and not just the “jewish equivilant.” that being said , if you incorporate chanukah into your interpretation of a jewish muse , but not any other jewish holiday , you are doing a major disservice to the character and your jewish followers. we have so many holidays that are important in shaping our lives. do your research.

“ conspiracy theories are fun and harmless to incorporate into roleplaying. ” listen we all love a good ‘ trudeau is actually castro’s son ’ moment , but there is a long history of conspiracy theories that are linked back to centuries of antisemitic propoganda: lizard people , flat earth , the illuminati just to name a few. if you’re someone who likes a good conspiracy theory and wants to weave it into your writing , please please please make sure it isn’t just n*zi propaganda that’s been disguised to look like something else.

honestly , there is more that i could say , but i’ll leave it here. if any other jews would like to add on , please do ! and remember , like with anything else , please do your research when writing a character that doesn’t share your same identity , be mindful of your own assumptions and biases , and when in doubt: google is your best friend.*

*everything mentioned above can be easily googled. i even googled things myself to make sure i wasn’t just speaking out of my own ass.

[raeynbowboi]

Making Another Disney Prince DnD Party

PRINCE ERIC THE PRINCE OF TIDES

Race: Human Background: Sailor (Athletics, Perception) Class: Oath of the Open Sea Paladin Fighting Style: Dueling Skills: Athletics, Insight, Perception, Persuasion

So I’m cheating a bit with Eric because the Open Sea Paladin is not a canon subclass, but it was created by Matt Mercer, whose Wildmount Campaign is now printed in an official sourcebook, so I’m counting it as second-tier canon. Eric could have been a bard or a swashbuckler rogue, but honestly those were pretty weak connections. Okay, so he plays a flute. So does Link. Doesn’t mean he’s a bard. And the swahsbuckler really only fits Eric in that its associated with pirates, and Eric is a sailor. Beyond that, nothing else really fits. The sailors talk about King Triton like he’s the god of the sea, so if there was a proper ocean-themed Cleric subclass, that might work, but the closest we have is Tempest Domain, which deals more with lightning than water. But, if your DM won’t allow Eric to take the Oath of the Open Sea, then I suppose having him worship King Triton as a sea faring Tempest Domain Cleric is about as close as we can get Eric to his nautical roots.

ALADDIN THE PRINCE OF THIEVES

Race: Human Background: Urchin (Sleight of Hand, Stealth) Class: Thief Rogue, Pact of the Genie Warlock Pact Boon: Blade (Scimitar) Skills: Acrobatics, Athletics, Deception, Investigation, Sleight of Hand, Stealth

This build is a multiclass and for fairly obvious reasons. Aladdin starts off as just a thief, and becomes a warlock when he finds the genie’s lamp in the Cave of Wonders. Probably one of the cleanest and easiest character builds, since he can also have a Carpet of Flying. The only thing Aladdin can’t have is Abu, since DnD 5e doesn’t have a stat block for monkeys, and the ape is a medium sized beast. For Aladdin’s patron, choose a Djinni (Air Elemental), and put him in an oil lamp. Also fun fact, Aladdin’s father is nicknamed The King of Thieves. As his son, that would make Aladdin a prince. If Charlotte counted as a princess in Princess and the Frog, then by all accounts, Aladdin is royalty on a technicality.

SIMBA THE LION KING

Race: Leonin Background: Noble (History, Persuasion) Class: Circle of the Shepherd Druid Skills: Animal Handling, History, Persuasion, Survival

Thanks to Mythic Odysseys of Theros, we can now make characters who are big cats. While this means Simba is bipedal, you can just flavor him as being on all fours and treating his hands as Zazu picking things up with his feet. For Simba, I did consider a paladin, as he does effectively take an oath to serve and guide his people and protect the circle of life, which sounds very Ancients Paladin. But Paladins are charismatic, and the whole arc of the movie centers around Simba learning to be a wise king like his father. Once I settled on Druid, I did consider the Stars Druid as he’s literally calling on the influence of all the kings who have come before him. On that front, Simba’s one of the few existing pop culture characters I could easily map onto the Circle of Stars Druid and have it make sense. But I ultimately went with the shepherd as Simba is the king of the animal kingdom, and a good king should strengthen his people when he calls on them for help. He doesn’t have to wildshape as now he can call on a Wild Companion and summon his friends to help him in a battle.

KRISTOFF THE ICEMAN COMETH

Race: Human Background: Far Traveler (Insight, Perception) Class: Hunter Ranger Animal Sidekick: Sven (Elk) Skills: Animal Handling, Athletics, Insight, Perception, Survival 

I’m sure someone will wonder why he’s not a Beast Master, and the answer is because the Beast Master’s Animal Companion can’t be bigger than a medium animal and Elk are large animals. So, Sven joins Kristoff through the sidekick feature instead. He has to be a Warrior type sidekick since he can’t talk, but he can still go on Kristoff’s hero’s journey with him. I made him a Far Traveler because his clothing indicates that he’s a Sami, the same group used to represent the group living behind the fog wall in Frozen II, and we also never learn where he lives, or how far he’s traveled to get to Arendale, but it’s clear he’s not from around there.

TARZAN THE APE-MAN

Race: Variant Human Background: Outlander (Athletics, Survival) Class: Totem Warrior Barbarian Animal Sidekick: Sabor (Panther) Feats: Alert Skills: Animal Handling, Athletics, Intimidation, Survival

This one was pretty easy, though I suppose a Beast Master Ranger could have worked. But if any Disney character can be called a barbarian, it’s the one who literally fights unarmored, doesn’t speak Common, and whose most iconic trademark is his yell. It’s also clear that during his fight with Sabor, Tarzan becomes a lot more primal, growling and hissing at the leopard. I didn’t list his totems because no one combination really seemed to stand-out as the obvious choice for Tarzan, and I figured if I did give a suggested build, I’d just get people arguing why I’m wrong, and also stupid and ugly.

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E111 (Redux! Oct. 13, 2020)

Gooooood evening good evening good evening, all! I started the VOD late for this recap and somehow the first four or so minutes of the show have a Twitch audio copyright claim, so I am reduced to only reading Brian's lips when he asks if we're on the internet. Hilariously, Marisha's background room is a comfy-looking blue/gold fabric wall with a ceramic colorful abstract lamp and a yellow silk scarf over the lampshade, and Taliesin's is an industrial looking games room in grey and black with multiple monitors, overhead speakers, and mysterious metal fixtures behind him. What a treasure this group is, honestly.

Tonight's guests: Marisha Ray & Taliesin Jaffe, discussing episodes 110 and 111 again. I wildly speculate once more about what might have caused their absence: jury duty? Sam appearing on The Masked Singer? Something to do with the animated show? One day, we’ll know, one day... (One day this “copyrighted audio” section will come back from the wars, too. Ugh!) Finally! The audio comes back to reveal Brian discussing the endless reality of digital meetings and Marisha talking about (I think) her glare-reducing glasses she’s wearing. Welcome to the New Age (welcome to the New Age, to the New Age).

Announcements: Marisha suggests checking out Dimension20, another live tabletop gaming group, which premieres live on Wednesdays at 4pm (CollegeHumor). 

Brian immediately wants to know how they feel about the revelation that Molly is alive. Taliesin’s personal reaction: he “knows some things” he can’t talk about and is aware of several possibilities that might be going on, but had a sneaking suspicion that there would not be a body for them to find. He says it’s almost all there for anyone to see in past material. Marisha’s personal reaction: she just wants to know how she’s doing with her theories, & was trying to block Tal’s face out deliberately as she was going off on her theories in the last episode. Taliesin says he thought her ideas were pretty good!

Cad has no clue what to think - it’s like listening to your friends talk about Buffy. Marisha thought it was a 50/50 Molly would still be there, but Beau had no idea. Not that it mattered, because as soon as Matt went through with it the reveal still blew their minds. Tal laid out his plans for the character with Matt during Campaign One (towards the end) after they all got their VM tattoos.

It is a “horrifying and gross” thing to dig up a body, and Beau was pretty reluctant to do it. Tal, as Cad: “Sometimes dead’s better.” The moral quandary of trying to speak with a dead friend was very different here than the frequent occasions they used the spell in C1.

Taliesin says his poker face is very bad, so it’s easier for him to over-react and let it all play out. The only other player he can see very easily from his place in their current setup is Travis, and because he knows Travis doesn’t watch TM, tweet, or participate in social media, he admits he thoroughly enjoyed watching Travis freak out at his freaking out. He says he only knew about 20% of what Matt described at the end of that episode. He was picking things to mug to increase Travis’s surprise. I love this so much.

Taliesin provided the table left leg shake; Travis provided table right. Ha!

Beau is really accepting her role in the Cobalt Soul. It’s good when “as a person, you feel like you can settle into your calling. Sometimes you can do more from the inside than fighting from the outside.” It’s a mirrored but opposite path of Keyleth from C1; Beau felt like she was too good for her duty, while Keyleth thought she wasn’t good enough.

Caduceus is not a big believer in jumping to conclusions. He does have an idea/notion of the ���city of the undead” and thinks all this necrotic energy must come from somewhere, and wonders if this is the “capital of anti-death.” He’s willing to believe whatever he sees. This is one of the few things that trigger a bit of loathing and disgust in him. It was terrifying that the Wildmother didn’t know anything.

Beau is pretty confident in her Charlie Day impression laying-out-the-research last episode. She enjoyed taking the things that were known & extrapolating around them; this is a huge facet of Marisha’s own personality and she really enjoys it, so she built a character this time that would allow that kind of puzzle-solving. It’s also why she repeatedly notes when Beau journals, so she can avoid metagaming. Trent’s mention of Vess Durogna’s tomb raiding was completely circumstantial, and the only reason she’d made the connection to the Tombtakers was because she’d recently reviewed those notes for a separate unannounced project. Sometimes she tries to make connections and Matt is like, “It was...just descriptive. Just flavor. The curtains were red...” and she has to discard a paragraph of notes. She feels like it’s still something they have to do because of “look at what he does! Look! It’s totally valid!”

Cosplay of the Week: @kitsunstudios with a gorgeous Caduceus with a very intricate silk vest.

Caduceus’s takedown of Trent! One of my favorite moments in the entirety of C2. Taliesin felt Trent was an asshole; Caduceus felt sorry for him because of how dumb he thought he was. Caduceus’s response was "this is the dumbest man I’ve ever met in my life. He’s so dumb! Is nobody going to tell this guy how dumb he is? Oh, they’re all freaked out. Somebody needs to tell this guy he’s an idiot before somebody gets hurt.” (Marisha: “Before?”) Tal says it was the product of several years of therapy and many drunk conversations with Whitney Moore. It was from a genuine place of concern from Caduceus. “How are you allowed to have this much power and be that dumb?”

Brian loved how funny it was to watch everyone tiptoe around Trent and then Caduceus bulldoze through the end of the meal.

Taliesin: “Damage doesn’t make you interesting or better. It’s not what makes you good. Character isn’t found in damage. Just recovery.”

Brian & Marisha commiserate going through the stage where believing surviving something automatically made you a stronger person, better for the pain; instead it just meant you had to pick up the pieces after. Marisha talks about how strength through survival may be true for some people, but it shouldn’t be considered a necessity. Taliesin talks about how he used to think he had to be miserable to write. Brian talks about how believing he liked reading and writing miserable things only limited him for years.

Marisha feels it’s a C2 theme that almost all the PCs have someone trying to handwave or take credit for their accomplishments or explain their pain as being for their own good (Trent, Beau’s dad, Obann). She thinks it’s interesting to see all the various ways people try to take credit for your work/delegitimize you as a person. She loves that RPGs allow you to explore these odd moralities in interesting ways. The only way to fight it is to have a sense of your own self-worth, which is a problem a lot of the M9 started with.

Caduceus likes everyone, and really likes people who appear to need role models (Eodwulf). “With the right friends and the right bar and the right attitude, I think he’d be okay. Come over here where it’s so much better. That seems like an exhausting friendship that you have there.”

Marisha loves the mix of personalities in the M9; Veth, Cad, & Jester were all “we kind of like them!” after the dinner, and she immediately made eye contact with Travis and they both shook their heads. She knows Beau has to go along with it for Caleb’s sake for now, but she & Fjord are pretty sus of Trent’s proteges.

Beau is less concerned about Artagan’s relationship to Jester because “he showed his ass--she’s less worried about Jester now because a little of the magic is gone.” It’s a little like becoming an adult and realizing your parents are also just adults & human. Caduceus wasn’t suspicious of the Traveler for a long time until they got to the island. Aside: Taliesin loves the pantheon in D&D. “The notion of attempting to apply common Western conceptions of religion to a world where you have a pantheon of interventionist gods as baseline makes no sense to me. Everyone admits that every other god is there and doing shit; it has more in common with ancient Rome than anything else.” Now that he knows it was a con, he feels the wind had been taken out of it. He does have a sense that Jester’s gotten back together with an ex: “I hope that I’m really happy for you.” They’re both interested to see how Jester navigates the new relationship.

My internet goes out, of course. I panic for a second, thinking I’ve lost everything above, but all is well! Thanks, Form History Control addon!

Marisha loved punching Artagan, but regretting rolling so poorly. “I miss violence.” Dani lets us know it’s been about four episodes since the last battle.

There’s no way the Cobalt Reserve doesn’t have a single document on the Eyes of Nine. Beau believes “there are no real secrets” because people are just bad at not writing things down. For there to be no information at all seems really suspicious for her.

Fanart of the Week: @oddalchemist on twitter with some awesome Beau conspiracy red-thread boards overlaid a distant shadowy Molly walking away.

Caduceus feels a little guilty for really enjoying his time right now with the M9 and not wanting to go home. He’s starting to suspect that he’s going to go home very different than when he left. “He has the softest problems. I don’t know if I want to move back in with Mom & Dad.”

Beau is trying to get comfortable with the idea of being happy. Jester is probably Beau’s first real best friend & one of the first healthy female friendships she’s ever had. As long as she still has Jester in her life, she doesn’t care. For Yasha... “At the end of the day, Beau is a lonely person and has always been a lonely person. And I think you kinda reach this point where once you’re not lonely anymore, you can kind of come out of the fog and realize that was horrible! And terrifying! And is even more terrifying now that I know what I could have, and I don’t want to go back to that. At the end of the day Beau doesn’t want to be lonely anymore. There’s always been that flirtation with Yasha, but everyone had to figure their own shit out. And now it feels like it’s coming out a little bit of that haze, maybe this actually could be...” There are a lot of ways they complement each other & are good-different from each other. Marisha believes people can be attracted to more than person at once.

Caduceus doesn’t think nature turned against him on Rumblecusp, it was just a reality of nature being dangerous and violent. “He has a complex relationship with nature.” He doesn’t expect special treatment.

Thoughts on the mansion: “Man, it’s nice to be seen.” Marisha: “I don’t know how I ended up becoming the Scanlan of this campaign, but I’m living for it.” It felt like an echo of “I’m better for having known you.” They compare Marisha taking specific notes on the campaign to Liam taking specific notes on people’s favorite tapestries, comics, etc.

They talk about missing theme parks and daydream a park version of the mansion in CritRoleLand. It’s lovely.

Taliesin never expected Divine Intervention to work; he just wanted to roll some dice. He’s still processing what he saw/heard. They all agree it was very useful in the Vokodo fight.

Vilya! Marisha: “Ah! Ah! Ah!” As a player, Marisha was so deep in Beau’s eyes she didn’t pick up it was Vilya at first (especially since Matt really emphasized they should not be looking for C1 NPCs). Marisha’s brain melted. She bawled her eyes out on the ride home after that episode. Right after it ended, Laura told Marisha “Keyleth finally gets her happy ending,” and it makes Marisha emotional again since Keyleth’s story ended so bittersweetly. She talks about the very real feelings of “just wanting them to be happy, though!” She went back and listened to all her old Keyleth playlists. Everyone was teary after the episode. “Everyone has these 100% real memories of being these characters and having these good times.”

And that’s that for that! Thanks for your patience, all, and is it Thursday yet?

[pines-troz]

Since a lot of folks have been on a roll with these awesome Animaniacs Disney AUs, I would like to propose an Animaniacs Hunchback of Notre Dame AU.

Note, this AU is largely inspired by two of the Animaniacs opening credit gags where Wakko is dressed up as Quasimodo (Hunchback of Notre Dame-y and Where’s Lon Chaney?) as well as Pinky taking on the role of Esmeralda.

Wakko Warner - Quasimodo

Pinky - Esmeralda

Snowball - Frollo (wow another AU where Snowball is creeping on Pinky, I wonder if that’s a common theme?)

Brain - Phoebus

Yakko Warner and Dot Warner - Clopin

Pharfignewton - Djali

Dr. Scratchinsniff - The Archedeacon

Bobby, Squit and Pesto - The Gargoyles

Mindy - The little girl in the purple dress

Plotz - Guard #1

Ralph - Guard #2

Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fana Bo Besca II - Quasimodo’s mother

- Yakko and Dot make their fortune as street performers. One of their biggest money-makers is holding elaborate puppet shows in their wagon in front of Notre Dame. One day they’re telling a group of kids a story about ‘A Man and a Monster’ (they mainly get a kick out of painting Snowball in a bad light, as they are both branded as public enemies in his eyes). 

- Angelina, her husband William, and the Mime are on a boat heading into Paris. Angelina soothes her child, Wakko, while they depart. But they are spotted by the Minister of Justice, Judge Snowball riding on his horse. While William and the Mime are arrested, Angelina takes her baby and flees from the scene, Snowball chases her in pursuit, assuming that her bundle is full of stolen goods.

- Angelina arrives at Notre Dame and knocks on the door, claiming sanctuary, but Snowball catches up and after trying to take her baby he knocks her down and she hits her head on the steps, killing her. Snowball hears crying from the bundle and finds Wakko, a deformed baby, and calls him a monster. He finds the well and is about to drop him, but Archdeacon Scratchinsniff intervenes. Scratchinsniff then guilts Snowball into sparing Wakko by proclaiming that the eyes of Notre Dame are watching him. Snowball is overcome with dread and asks what he must do to repent, and Scratchinsniff replies that he must raise Wakko. Snowball looks up at the church and decides to keep Wakko in the bell tower and to use him as a pawn for his own selfish purposes.

- Eleven years later, Wakko is living a solitary life in the cathedral as the bell ringer. He gained an incredible amount of strength from ringing the bells. Wakko is also incredibly agile, swinging around the ropes, and climbing up and down the cathedral without a care in the world. In addition to ringing the bells, he takes care of the birds that reside on the balcony and engages in arts and crafts, creating intricate wooden figurines and a model of the city. Despite his activities, he longs to go outside just to feel like a normal person and do all the fun things he sees from the tower.

- Starved for socialization, Wakko’s active imagination breathed life into three gargoyles, Bobby, Squit and Pesto. They, in turn, keep Wakko company, talking to him about various things, joking around and making Wakko laugh and comforting him. As for whether or not the gargoyles are real is up for debate.

- Archdeacon Scratchinsniff used to check in on Wakko a lot during his childhood, sneaking in blankets and treats for the bell ringer. But once Snowball caught wind of Scratchinsniff’s interference, he starts locking the doors to the bell tower. Scratchinsniff deeply regrets allowing Snowball to raise Wakko and wished that he was the one raising Wakko instead.

- Snowball has Wakko under his thumb. Feeding him lies that his mother abandoned him as a baby and that Snowball was the only one to take him in as anyone else would leave him for dead. He is also quick to insult him for his looks, calling him deformed, ugly, a crime against humanity, to further break his spirit.

- On the day of the Feast of Fools, Wakko longs to attend the festival. Bobby Squit and Pesto encourage him to attend in disguise. Wakko becomes optimistic, but once Snowball enters the picture, Wakko immediately recoils. While Wakko is reciting his alphabet, he accidentally says “festival” instead of “forgiveness”, and Snowball further lectures and gaslights Wakko for wanting to have fun, reminding him of his deformities.

- But Wakko looks outside the city square from the cathedral and realizes that he genuinely wants to a have fun day regardless of what Snowball says.

- Brain returns to Paris after spending years in military service and is about to see Judge Snowball to accept his new position as Captain of the Guards. Brain hopes that he can rise within the ranks, become a public official and take over the city.

- Pinky is a street dancer who resides in The Court of Miracles with Yakko, Dot, and the rest of the Romani community. Pinky’s dancing brings in a lot of money and he even brings along his goat Pharfignewton during his dance sessions. While he is very naive and doesn’t understand a lot of social cues, he’s incredibly compassionate and has a strong moral code.

- Pinky’s dancing attracts the attention of Brain, but when Plotz and Ralph are about to arrest Pinky, he intervenes and reveals his superiority in rank to them. Pinky is able to escape and is thinks highly of Brain.

- When Snowball appoints Brain as Captain, he informs him of his campaign to get rid of the Romani population in Paris. Brain is immediately suspicious of Snowball, but doesn’t speak up right away because he doesn’t want to ruin his chances of advancing his career. 

- Wakko is dressed up in his hooded disguise and arrives at the Festival. Yakko and Dot leading the opening ceremony, and Wakko immerses himself in the festivities, taking as much food from the buffet table and exploring the party. He accidentally trips into one of the tents where Pinky checks on Wakko to see he’s okay. Wakko tries to hide his face, but Pinky takes off the hood and is relieved that he’s fine. Before Wakko leaves, Pinky compliments his mask, not realizing that Wakko wasn’t wearing one.

- When Pinky performs on stage, he captures the attention of Wakko, Brain, and Snowball. Wakko is just incredibly impressed with Pinky’s dance moves and wants to be his friend (Wakko isn’t in love in this AU). Brain is just captivated by Pinky’s beauty and gracefulness. Snowball tries to act disgusted, but once Pinky dances around him and flings his scarf at him, Snowball starts to lust over Pinky.

- When it’s time to crown the king of fools, Pinky gestures for Wakko to come up on stage, who immediately accepts. After going through the other contestants, Pinky pulls on Wakko’s face and finally realizes that Wakko is deformed. The attendees are in shock, and Snowball is livid, but Yakko and Dot calm everyone down saying that they found the ugliest person and they crown Wakko the king of fools. Wakko is elated and overwhelmed by the praise he’s receiving. Yakko and Dot give him his cape and scepter and Wakko savors the moment.

- While everyone celebrates Wakko as their king, Plotz disrupts the scene when he throws a rotten tomato at Wakko. Everyone is shocked, even Yakko and Dot didn’t anticipate for this to happen. Ralph follows Plotz’s lead and soon enough the crowd starts throwing vegetables at Wakko, which escalates to him being tied up on the pillory wheel. Even though Yakko and Dot want to help Wakko out feeling guilty for their part, they also take into consideration that they are on Snowball’s watchlist and they do not want to risk getting arrested. Wakko cries out for Snowball to help him, but Snowball revels in watching him get tortured. Brain is furious at the sight of Wakko being assaulted and demands Snowball to end this cruelty, but Snowball insists that Wakko must pay the price for wanting to go outside.

- Pinky hops up on the pillory wheel to help Wakko, apolgozing for allowing this to happen to him. He takes his scarf to wipe off the vegetable juice from Wakko’s face and unties the ropes. When Snowball demands Pinky to get away, Pinky calls him and the soldiers out for not helping Wakko and demands justice. While Brain admires Pinky’s strong moral code, he feels especially guilty for not interfering himself and having to ask Snowball’s permission to do so.

- Snowball orders Brain to capture Pinky, the mouse is at a loss of what to do. Dot manages to attract the attention of the soldiers instead and they causes a ruckus. With Dot distracting the guards, Yakko sneaks up to the pillory, grabs Pinky and apologizes to Wakko. Once Yakko and Dot escape with Pinky in tow, Wakko is left standing and faces Snowball’s wrath. He walks returns to the cathedral, feeling heartbroken and realizing that Snowball was right in that people would be cruel to him.

- Pinky guiltily looks at Wakko as he walks back and tells Yakko and Dot that he must make amends with the bell ringer. Pinky dons his disguise and takes Pharfignewton with him. Brain notices Pinky in his disguise and follows him into the church. Pinky thinks that Brain is about to arrest him, but the soldier assures him that he has no intention of doing so. But Snowball rushes in and praises Brain. Brain looks over to Pinky and mouths “claim sanctuary”, but Pinky has no idea what he’s saying so Brain claims sanctuary on Pinky’s behalf. When Snowball denies that request, Scratchinsniff intervenes and kicks Snowball and the other soldiers out. After Brain leaves, Pinky is apprehended by Snowball, who further creeps on him while sniffing his hair. Pinky is wildly uncomfortable by this.

- Up in the bell tower, Wakko hears Pinky singing and goes down to investigate. Pinky spots Wakko and follows him up the tower. When Pinky arrives in Wakko’s loft, he’s impressed with his figurines and model city as well a the stained glass mobile. Wakko opens up and takes Pinky and Pharfignewton on a tour around the bell tower, showing him the bells and the lovely view from the balcony. When Wakko hesitantly brings up one of Snowball’s teachings that the Romani are “evil”, Pinky curiously asks Wakko who told him that, Wakko starts to talk about Snowball and how he taught him that he’s a monster. Pinky is in shocked that someone as awful as Snowball would raise a sweetheart like Wakko. So Pinky decides to read Wakko’ palm and tells him that there are no monster lines. Wakko looks at his hand and starts to realize that maybe Snowball was wrong about him.

- Wakko sees Pinky forlornly looking down and decides to help him and Pharfignewton escape the cathedral by climbing down. Pinky and Pharfignewton enjoy the thrill ride, and Pinky compliments Wakko’s agility. Once they safely reach the ground, Pinky insists that Wakko should leave the cathedral and live in the Court of Miracles, but Wakko is adamant on staying after the events of the festival. Pinky gives him his amulet which shows a map of the city and the Court’s location of Wakko ever changes his mind.

- Wakko climbs up the cathedral, he comes across Brain, who immediately perceives him as an enemy. But Brain informs him that he isn’t like the other soldiers and is concerned for Pinky’s safety. Wakko returns to the bell tower and carves a figurine of Pinky to give as a gift.

- Snowball is consumed by his lust for Pinky while standing in front of the fireplace and plans to burn down Paris if it means finding him.

- Brain becomes increasingly furious with Snowball’s madness and when he is given the order to burn down a home with a family trapped inside, Brain douses the torch in refusal. When Snowball sets the house on fire, Brain manages to rescue everyone inside, but is then is about to be executed when Pinky throws a rock at one of the horses, distracting them as Brain makes his escape. But he is shot by an arrow and falls into the river. Pinky rescues him on time.

- Wakko looks at the burning city, fearing that his friend Pinky is in danger. The Goodfeathers assure Wakko that Pinky will be okay. When Pinky arrives, he and Wakko are equally relieved to see each other. But Brain is brought in by Larry, and Wakko points over to his straw bed. Pinky is able to tend to Brain’s wounds while Wakko assists. He looks at how weak Brain looks and loses any suspicion he has for him.

- When Wakko walks over to toss out the used rags, he comes back to see Pinky kissing Brain. Instead of feeling heartbroken, Wakko just feels incredibly awkward about it and just shuffles by the beam. Pinky is just unaware of what’s happening because he doesn’t pick up on social cues. Brain, on the other hand, notices Wakko standing right there and wants to alert Pinky, but he’s overcome with exhaustion and falls back asleep. Pharfignewton alerts them of Snowball’s presence and just as Wakko leads Pinky to safety, Pinky asks him to watch over Brain, to which he immediately promises. Wakko keeps his word and hides Brain underneath the table.

- When Snowball interrogates Wakko, he makes him feel as uncomfortable as possible, slyly accusing him of hiding something and pointing out his nervous behaviors. Wakko does his best to deny this and doesn’t say a word about Brain. Snowball points out figurine of Pinky and is furious at Wakko, verbally lashing out at him and burning the figure of Pinky. While all this is going on Brain is awake and keeps quiet, and winces when he hears Snowball berating Wakko.

- After Snowball leaves, Brain gets up and decides to follow Snowball to save Pinky, but Wakko is hesitant at the idea as he does not want to anger Snowball. Brain recognizes Wakko’s apprehension, but mentions that Pinky could be in serious danger, Wakko falters but shrinks into himself further. Brain decides to go out on his own, but asks Wakko to consider doing the right thing. Wakko looks at The Goodfeathers and has an epiphany, looking at his palms and the necklace and decides to team up with Brain and save Pinky. 

- When Wakko meets Brain at the cathedral doors, he suggests to the ex-soldier that they follow the map on the woven band. As they go into the catacombs, they’re captured by Yakko and Dot who explain that they don’t trust outsiders and hold a trial to determine their fate. But Pinky intervenes, vouching for them both. Brain and Wakko explain that Snowball plans to attack, but they are too late as Snowball barges in with his troops. He orders Pinky, Brain, Yakko and Dot to be locked up and sends Wakko back to the cathedral to be locked up there.

- Wakko is chained up to the pillars and lost all hope. Bobby, Squit and Pesto try to encourage him to break the chains, mentioning that while they’re made of stone, they thought Wakko was made of something stronger.

- Pinky is ready to be burned at the stake. But when Snowball approaches, he gives him on last opportunity to save himself to make a choice: choose Snowball or the fire. Right then Pinky is appalled by what the judge was implying and he blows a raspberry in response.

- Once Snowball lights the stake on fire, Wakko goes beserk. He breaks free from the chains, grabs a rope and swings down to save Pinky. Snowball is shocked with Wakko’s appearance while Brain, Yakko and Dot smile at Wakko’s heroics. When Wakko scales the cathedral, he holds Pinky up and proclaims sanctuary.

- When Snowball orders the soldiers to seize the cathedral, Wakko places Pinky in a sleeping quarters for safety and defends the church by throwing bricks at the soldiers, knocking down the ladders, and eventually pouring molten lead onto the city square. Brain, Yakko, and Dot inspire people to revolt. When they see the molten lead pour down, they enter through the side doors to try and help Wakko and Pinky.

- Wakko reunites with Pinky, but believes Pinky has passed on. While he mourns over Pinky, Snowball comes in. Wakko accuses him of killing Pinky, and he feigns regret as he plans to stab Wakko with a dagger. Wakko sees Snowball’s shadow and he fights him off, shoving him to the wall and calling him out, saying that the only thing dark and cruel about the world are people like him. Pinky wakes up, Wakko immediately sprints to his side to tend to his needs. When Snowball takes out his sword, Wakko takes Pinky and flees.

- Wakko carries Pinky throughout the balcony, with Snowball trailing behind. Snowball then reveals that Wakko is much like his own mother, risking his life to save someone just as his own mother dies trying to save him. Wakko is shocked by the revelation that Snowball uses his cape on Wakko, but Wakko pulls down on the cape. Pinky tried to grab onto Wakko, but Snowball swings himself up on the gargoyle and is prepared to kill Pinky, but he stumbles and sees a gargoyle come to life before it detaches itself from the cathedral, sending Snowball down to the fiery pit.

- Wakko falls soon after, but Brain, Yakko and Dot manage to catch him on time, lifting him up and bringing him into the safety of the church. Wakko wakes up and sees the three of them and he pulls them into a giant hug. Pinky sees them and gives Wakko the biggest hug possible. Wakko encourages Brain to talk to Pinky and the two share a kiss. The five of them spend the rest of the early morning hours recuperating from the whirlwind of events before deciding to venture out from the cathedral.

- Pinky, Brain, Yakko and Dot are met with cheers from the crowd. But Pinky finds Wakko standing in the shadows and coaxes him to step outside. While Wakko reluctantly joins the others, the crowd start to murmur to themselves, unsure on how to react. Mindy steps from the crowd, approaches Wakko and gives him the biggest hug. Just as the crowd is endeared at the sight, Yakko and Dot praise Wakko and the crowd erupts in applause, showing their admiration for Wakko and lifting him up to parade him around the city.

[a-rebellious-waffle]

So far the replies to this post have included:

"This is homophobic"

How? My best guess is that this is homophobic because I'm saying that trans women can be lesbians.

The other conclusion is that "lesbians can do dick" is homophobic, despite the fact that AFAB people can be born with penises (I believe this is called de la Chapelle Syndrome. Might be Swyer Syndrome. Can't remember).

My counterargument there is, do we define "lesbian" by the lowest common value? Are we only allowing "gold star" lesbians to use the term lesbian? If no lesbian does dick, and then a lesbian does dick, are they immediately disqualified from ever being a lesbian again? Wait, what about having sex with a strap-on? Does that count as doing dick? You're being incredibly restrictive with your definition. (As an added bonus for me AFAB people with penises already proved this wrong.)

---

"This is anti-Semitic!"

Okay, a better argument can be found here in that I modified a poem written about the Holocaust.

However, I think people are forgetting a few key facts.

1) Jews were not the only targets of the Holocaust. The victims of the Holocaust also included the Romani, Ukrainians, Russians, Poles, disabled people, gays, lesbians... and trans people. It was anyone the Nazis didn't like. Jews were the central focus, but they weren't the only ones; that's why you didn't exclusively see yellow Stars of David. Or do you not know about the Pink Triangle?

2) The central theme of the poem First They Came is how the Nazis divided Germany into many small parts. There's a very good film made by the US Department of War in 1943 that was re-released in 1947 called "Don't Be A Sucker" that also touches on this, which I recommend everyone go watch, because I'm going to quote it here:

"[The Nazis] knew they could not conquer a unified country, so they split Germany into smaller groups. They used prejudice as a practical weapon to cripple the nation."

The point of that poem is to describe how minority groups were divided and eliminated, one by one. No one spoke out against it. If they had shown a unified front, they could've stopped the Nazis before Hitler took over, but they began to fight each other instead.

My point in citing that poem was to compare a poem about the world before a genocide to something that has the potential to quickly escalate to genocide.

As an example, Donald Trump, as of date of posting [24 April 2023] has promised to ban gender-affirming care and criminalize being transgender, should be win the 2024 US Presidential campaign—in other words, making our existence a crime. This is very easily comparable to the Nuremberg Laws passed in Nazi Germany, which made it a crime for Jewish people to do things like own stores. Matt Walsh outright advocated for our murder, much like someone else did in a book titled "My Struggle". And, of course, let's not forget the website set up by a state AG for citizens to report trans people to the government. (Shout out to the person who claimed that this was just me being angry about women talking online, seemingly forgetting about anti-trans laws and rhetoric...)

The second definition of the term "genocide", as published in the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language (5th Edition), is "the systematic killing of a racial or cultural group." It isn't that hard to argue that trans people can be considered part of a cultural group; there are a lot of things that define the trans community as different from other communities. Some would even argue that the trans community is even more distinct than some larger communities. (I will not argue that, because that's not my belief.)

[Image ID: A screenshot of the definition of genocide. It reads: Genocide (noun) 1. The systematic and widespread extermination or attempted extermination of a national, racial, religious, or ethnic group. 2. The systematic killing of a racial or cultural group. 3. The systematic killing of substantial numbers of people on the basis of ethnicity, religion, political opinion, social status, or other particularity. End ID/]

In addition, after researching voices arguing for and against the term "trans genocide", I found a lot more genocide scholars saying that it's a real thing than people saying it's not (and even the ones arguing against using "genocide" agreed that it was a crime against humanity). This is why I take issue with people calling this post anti-Semetic. It's not negating or downplaying the impact of the Holocaust, by any means. It's doing the opposite. It's saying, "Please, don't let this happen again."

My point in using that modification of First They Came was to show how these divisions are harming the LGBTQ+ community as a whole. Homophobes won't treat you better because you also hate trans people. They'll accept your help and then stab you in the back.

I want to offer the TERFs that see this an open palm. I honestly don't think you guys are necessarily bad people. What I do think you are is tricked. You've been duped into believing that trans people are your enemies, and then you've been armed and sent off to war. Then, when your opponents fire back, you naturally begin to believe that they really are your enemies.

But, as I said, you've been tricked. You are, probably unintentionally, helping bring about your own destruction. In fighting against trans people, you're fighting on the side of homophobes that will just as happily kill you.

To quote "Don't Be A Sucker" again: "They gambled with other people's liberty, and in doing so, they lost their own."

For that reason, I want to offer you an open palm. You can renounce this path. Sure, trans people aren't going to suddenly be your best friends, but you won't be our enemies. We already have enough of those.

---

The third type of response I saw accused me of not knowing how sexes work. Which, you know, not entirely unfounded. I'm not an expert. And, to top it off, an expert did chime in, which was nice of them.

However, there is this very minor issue. That, uh... doesn't matter.

You're not attracted to sex, you're attracted to gender (well, gender expression, to be exact, but I'll get into that later). You're attracted to what you perceive. As I said previously, we can't see a person's genetic sex at a glance, but we can be attracted at a glance.

There's also another issue present, which is that Swyer and de la Chapelle Syndrome don't just reverse your chromosomes. They also reverse what primary sex organ you have. This means AFAB people being born with a penis and AMAB people being born with a vagina. They're not functional sex organs, but sex isn't defined by if you can reproduce (unless we're defining sex exclusively by the ability to reproduce, which is... degrading... and ignores menopause...). According to one of the people in the replies, sex is defined by the presence or absence of the SRY gene, which isn't... wrong, but I did find an article published in Psychology Today that disagrees and states that it's much more complicated than that. This throws a wrench into attraction exclusively being based on sex.

The following are screenshots taken from a very long reply that I'm segmenting for ease.

It is a hole in my reasoning, yes, but let me explain. By your definition, women who aren't attracted to women are not lesbians.

Non-binary people are non-binary.

That's it.

That's literally my entire point.

Next screenshot:

This is what is known as a "straw man" argument, which intentionally uses a weaker version of the argument one is responding to. Obviously when I wrote this, I meant "sexually attracted to same gender".

Also, uh... it makes perfect sense? It's literally a dictionary definition? You take a prefix, such as "hetero" (opposite), "homo" (same), "a" (no), and add it to the suffix "-sexual" (denoting sexual attraction) to form your word. This forms the basis for how we refer to sexualities; "heterosexual" (attracted to opposite), "homosexual" (attracted to same), "asexual" (attracted to none)...

This also invalidates this argument later on:

---

"Sexuality being fluid is actually homophobic, because then therapists can just say 'try harder to be straight'." This was an interesting one, because I can do exactly the opposite.

That is, I can say, "It's fine if you think you're a lesbian, and then later you realize you're not. Sexuality is fluid. You weren't less of a lesbian for changing your sexuality, and you're not less bisexual for being a lesbian previously."

It can be used to help, and to harm.

Similarly, your "set in stone" logic can be just as emotionally devastating to someone who had heterosexual sex, didn't like it, and then had their gay awakening. By your logic, they can no longer be part of the community they now belong to, all because of something they didn't know.

---

Perhaps I should've elaborated. These are methods by which we alter our gender expression—that is, how people perceive our gender. I never claimed these change our gender as we see it, internally; they change how others see our gender, which I directly stated isn't necessarily correct.

Is it homophobic to say that we can change how we're seen? Not anymore than saying we can change our clothes. Is it homophobic to say that how we identify and how we express our gender don't always line up? Well, is a woman wearing a suit homophobic? No, of course not. Is it homophobic to say that others might see how we express ourselves and not correctly guess our identities? Debatable, but it is an unfortunate reality.

Furthermore, yes, many stereotypes are tools by which women are oppressed... but stereotypes are also two other things. Firstly, they are the baseline by which we view a group. Secondly, they are not all created equal. Some stereotypes are worse than others. For instance, according to stereotypes, women paint their nails. According to stereotypes, they also stay in the kitchen. Which of these is more impactful in your day-to-day? Which of these causes more harm?

Stereotypes are best described with the phrase "usually". A woman *usually* has long hair. A man *usually* has short hair. See what I mean? This means that, in order to alter our gender expression, we must play with stereotypes to better conform with the baseline. What's a baseline woman? A perfectly stereotypical one. Does that actually exist? No. Do the general trends exist? Yes. Can we therefore take these trends and use the expectations they generate in order to change our gender expression? Yes.

I feel like I'm taking a lot of words to say something simple, which is: Yes, stereotypes exist. No, they aren't always bad. Yes, some people have more complex gender expressions than others. No, this doesn't make them any less of who they are. Yes, some people have gender expressions that aren't what we expect of their gender. No, this doesn't mean they aren't their gender.

---

YOU LITERALLY REDUCED BEING A WOMAN TO HAVING A VAGINA, AND THEN YOU CLAIMED IT'S NOT REDUCTIVE?! WHAT?!

Okay, let me explain.

Earlier, you defined women as people who were born with vaginas. Fine. Wrong, but fine.

Now, you've done this.

What you just did was you defined all women by having a vagina. You then added everything else, claimed that wasn't part of being a woman, and then said you didn't define womanhood as having a vagina.

Do I need to explain that further? Like, okay, sure. That is liberating. But it's also doing exactly what you claim it isn't.

Furthermore, you know what else is liberating? Being able to freely express things like being a woman purely by choice instead of prerequisite. Isn't that the entire point here? That we define ourselves?

---

Another example of a straw man argument.

Firstly, as I said, everything has a gender, they're just not male and female. If it can be referred to with pronouns, it has a gender. It has to.

All pronouns are gendered. They just aren't all gendered as masculine or feminine.

We're attracted to gender expression, which is how we determine what others see as our gender. For the sake of simplicity, we make this into "attracted to x gender" instead of "attracted to x gender expression" (though when people say that they're attracted to a particular feature, that's a way of saying they're attracted to a particular form of gender expression).

In other words, we're attracted to particular traits, which usually coincide with what we expect of particular genders, which makes it seem like we're attracted to that gender, which makes us define ourselves as attracted to that gender because listing the traits is exhaustive.

---

Wait, so womanhood isn't defined by having a vagina?

---

And one final one (no screenshot because I'm tired):

"Saying queer is homophobic because I take offense to it, and I'm gay." Okay, great. So am I. I, personally, do not care if you call me queer, and frankly I think widespread usage of the term is a good thing, since it deprives homophobes of a weapon to be used against us. Insults only work if you care about them. That's why, in order to reclaim the word queer, queer people started responding to being called queer by saying, "Hell yes I am!"

---

Anyways, I'm done for now. Remember: don't be a sucker.

Alright, let's go point by point, @ancientdriftwood.

Paragraph One.

Firstly: Sexual attraction is not attraction to a sex, it's attraction that makes you want to have sex with someone.

Secondly: Homo means "same", yes, but the suffix "-sexual" does not actually mean sex. It actually denotes that the word it's used in is a sexuality. Hence, "homosexual" would actually translate as something along the lines of "sexually attracted to same".

Thirdly: Do me a favour and define what "male" and "female" are for me? Because it's not determined by chromosomes, or else there's at least three sexes. Klinefelter Syndrome results in cells having XXY chromosomes, one more than normal. Swyer Syndrome and de la Chappelle Syndrome give the other sex's chromosomes to people who will develop into men or women; i.e. XX chromosomes in AMAB men, XY chromosomes in AFAB women. These are abnormalities, yes, but if you have 1,000 instances of the letter A 1,000 instance of the letter B, and one instance of the letter C in a dataset, you still have three different letters.

Fourthly: Lesbians are, in fact, attracted to gender. That's why women in relationships with AFAB non-binary people aren't called lesbians—unless we admit that "lesbian" doesn't mean "women who love women", which destroys your flawed point.

There's also a deeper problem present, which is that you're saying that gender is social, but sexuality is somehow independent of that social aspect.

To explain, allow me to begin with a few things about gender. Gender is the social perception of your sex, yes. However, everything has a gender. See, gender is chiefly a grammatical thing that determines what pronouns are used for something. A rock, for instance, does not have a sex, but it does have a gender; I call this gender something along the lines of "null". Since we perceive that the rock doesn't have a sex, we automatically assign it a null gender and start using "it" as the pronoun for said rock; i.e. "The rock got in my shoe, but I removed it from my shoe."

Since we communicate to each other via language, and language has grammar in it, we do something similar for people. If you see a person wearing a bridal dress that shows off a pronounced chest, you might assume they're a woman and therefore they have a female gender. This isn't necessarily accurate, but it is understandable.

However, we can alter how people see us. We can therefore alter how we present our gender by, say, cutting our hair, wearing a binder to compress our chest, and so on. These actions change other's perception of us, and accordingly, their perception of our gender.

Now, as I said before, sexuality is determined by social perceptions. Here's the thing. We don't know what sex someone is inherently. It's just not something we can know; no one has magnifying-glass eyes that can see chromosomes in the body on the fly. All we can know is how someone presents themselves. Therefore, if someone presents as a woman, a lesbian isn't going to have zero attraction to them until they hold up their birth certificate that says they're AFAB—they're going to see a hot woman and go "Damn, she's hot! I want to date her!"

Similarly, if you see two female-presenting people kissing, you're naturally going to assume it's probably two women kissing, and then you're going to assume they're lesbians. You're not going to demand to see proof they're AFAB before assuming this.

Fifthly: So, question: Are trans men, in your opinion, women? Because by your logic, a trans man dating a woman is a lesbian. But, trans men can have phalloplatsies; this gives them a penis. Therefore, a trans man who's had a phalloplatsy is a lesbian who does dick.

The other option here is that trans men are, in fact, men, which means that trans women are, in fact, women, because you're admitting that you can transition from male to female, which logically means you can transition from female to male. After all, doctors don't just carry out phalloplatsies; they also do vaginoplasties, which give people vaginas.

So, do lesbians do dick? Or are transfemmes women? (The answer here is "yes" and "yes", since if transfemmes are women, and women can be lesbians, some women will have dicks and therefore be lesbians who do dicks!)

Otherwise, you're just assuming gender is based on genitalia, which, well... I think we can agree that reducing womanhood to having a vagina is insulting.

Second Paragraph

Ah. Chief. One brief thing you don't realize. A slur only has as much power as you say it does. Every time you use the phrase "Q-slur" to mean queer, you're not just empowering homophobes when they use it on us, but you're also spitting on the efforts of all the people who fought to reclaim it for LGBTQ+ people.

Lesbians, gays, bis, transfemme and transmascs... we're all here, and we're all queer!

Aside from that... yes, we do need legal definitions for these things. Here's the issue. In the absence of things inside a legal textbook, we default to dictionary definitions. You're just trying to restrict them to sex instead of gender—which means you're actually weakening our legal defenses.

Queer labels will always have a bit of vagueness. It's an unfortunate reality that not everything is cut and dry. However, this vagueness also gives us freedom to define ourselves how we like. Not everything has to be cut and dry, after all! It's not like there's one true way to be queer. Identity is fluid, after all, and the law is basically set in stone. It's hard to make the two sides play nice with one another, like how it's difficult to make oil and water mix.

Third Paragraph

What are you... sis. Sister, what are you on about. How is child labour law and military enlistment age requirements the same thing as having legal definitions for LGBTQ+ people? That's apples and oranges! Age is something set in stone! We all agree on how time flows swiftly and in one direction. It's not like sexuality or gender in that you cannot change your age by your own free will! You will always be one year older than last year, one month older than last month, one minute older than you were a minute ago!

Your TERFism is not just harming people, but it's harming your cause. Like, you want better rights for lesbians? You know what would help that? Having more lesbians! What to know what'll help with that? Dropping this TERF rhetoric!

I want to end this with a modification of the very good poem First They Came, originally written by Martin Niemöller.

First they came for the transgenders.

But I did not speak out, because I was not transgender.

Then they came for the asexuals.

But I did not speak out, because I was not asexual.

Then they came for the bisexuals.

But I did not speak out, because I was not bisexual.

Then they came for the gay men.

But I did not speak out, for I was not a gay man.

Then they came for the lesbians.

And there was no one left to speak for me.

[syntheticpoetry]

The Ghosts That We Knew

See my original post on the origins of this story here!

Summary: Blaine Anderson is no stranger to hospitals and has been volunteering on the pediatric unit of Lima General Hospital for years when Kurt Hummel comes along.  After Blaine is attacked at his school's Sadie Hawkins Dance, he has his best friend Kurt to help him deal with the aftermath. And when Kurt becomes the target of the McKinley football team's bullying campaign, he can count on Blaine to have his back.

AU where Blaine transfers to McKinley instead of Dalton. Set during season 1.A story of two best friends finding courage to face their bullies and discovering love along the way.

Author’s Note: Blaine has a reason he has been in an out of the hospital since childhood that will be revealed, but if you are overly cautious of the level of angst surrounding it I can assure you it's nothing heartbreaking/super serious. It's actually quite common.  I cannot thank @esperantoauthor​ enough for beta reading this for me and really helping me whip it into shape!

AO3 Link || FFN Link

Chapter 1: Of Viral Videos and Disney Princes

The last time that Kurt Hummel remembers being in a hospital, he told his mother that he loved her for the last time.  

That was six years ago.  

As he walks through the lobby, towards the directory by the elevators, he keeps his gaze fixed forward, careful not to spare a glance at the waiting area to his right.  He spent so many months in that waiting room.  Entire seasons, multiple holidays spent watching people receive good news and bad news, with his father stoic and silent beside him as his mother underwent procedure after procedure.  Until it was their turn to be the family that received bad news.  The doctor sounded sincere as he said a lot of big words Kurt could not quite understand at the time, but he understood the look on his father’s face.  He took to studying the ugly designs on the carpet to distract from the tight clench in his father’s jaw, the way he kept himself so still and barely blinked through the entire explanation— Kurt knew, even at eight years old, what it was like to use up all of your willpower to hold yourself together for the sake of someone else.  To this day, he cannot look at paisley print without thinking back to that awful day.

Kurt scans the directory before punching the up button to call the elevator and folds his arms across his chest, tapping his foot as he awaits its arrival.  When he first heard about the volunteer program on the pediatric unit he was naturally hesitant to return to the place that held some of his worst memories.  He had been on the fence about it all summer, torn between the desire to give back to the hospital staff that had gone above and beyond in their attempts to cure his mother’s cancer and wanting to put as much distance as possible between himself and the place where they finally had to say goodbye to each other.

Until he saw that YouTube video.  

A curly-haired boy with big doe eyes and an unwavering grin, guitar in hand, leading a Disney themed sing-along with a group of elementary school age kids.  The warmth that spread through Kurt’s chest was almost overwhelming as he watched the boy march around the room performing Hakuna Matata with the parade of children trailing behind, mimicking him raucously and off-key.  It was the first time Kurt had really smiled in a long time.

So he had decided to look into the program.  Mostly because witnessing the boundless energy of pure joy from each child singing along in that video elicited memories of countless nights of living room performances with his own father, both of them puffy-eyed and exhausted but still managing to find the stamina to sing at the top of their lungs, using the furniture as stage props.  They were two lost souls attempting to cling to each other through tidal waves of insurmountable grief, and those nights together— well, those nights wereeverything to Kurt.  He had never felt closer to his father than when they were both breathless and laughing their way through the most eclectic collection of songs imaginable, hugging each other tightly at the end of each performance.  

And if Kurt happened to run into the boy from the video along the way, well, that would certainly just be an added bonus. Kurt did have eyes after all.  And there was no denying the boy’s natural charm or the air of confidence with which he carried himself.  

Truth be told, entering yet another school year with no friends was beginning to take its toll on Kurt and the possibility of finding camaraderie with a cute boy who seemingly shared similar interests was certainly enticing.

Ding!

The doors slide open before him revealing an empty elevator.  Kurt steps in and presses the button for the fourth floor.  He thinks about that video and jumping on armchairs and couches in his living room with his father for the entire ride up.

***

He has to be buzzed in to enter the unit, which he thinks is strange.  But the woman who greets him, a young nurse with bright green eyes and deep auburn hair pulled back into a messy ponytail, explains it is the protocol for all pediatric units in order to prevent children from wandering away or being kidnapped.  There are security bracelets around each patient’s ankle that trigger an alarm if they are taken past a bright yellow line painted on the floor.

“Who would kidnap sick kids from a hospital?” Kurt asks, looking absolutely horrified.

“You would be surprised at how common it is.  Parents fighting over custody, usually.”

He nods and guesses that makes sense, but the thought is still deeply unsettling.

The hallways are empty as she leads him to a room behind the nurse’s station.  The unit is certainly much different from the one his mother had been on.  The walls are covered in murals of different cartoon characters and scenes from popular storybooks.  While the nurse punches in a code, Kurt studies a painting of Rapunzel in a high stone tower, golden plaited hair strung over the edge of the window for a handsome prince at the bottom. The door buzzes and she holds it open for him.  “I’ll let my supervisor know you’re here.”

Kurt thanks her and takes a seat at one of the tables to wait.  On the far wall he spots a bulletin board covered in an overabundance of overlapping photos, hand-drawn pictures and a variety of cards both homemade and store-bought.  He casts a quick glance towards the door before crossing the room to investigate.  He cannot help but smile as he scans over the collection of memories, reminiscing back to his own pile of hand drawn cards for the staff on the oncology unit.  

Then something catches his eye.  

It’s the curly haired boy from the video.  He’s standing, guitar in hand with the strap over his shoulder, in the center of a group photo, surrounded by children of varying ages and the unit staff.  His outfit is different from the one in the video though.  He’s wearing baggy sweatpants and a printed T-shirt, only the edges of the otherwise obscured design visible from behind the guitar over his torso.  In the video he had certainly seemed more, well, put together, to say the least.  He had worn light grey slacks and a navy polo shirt accented with a white bow tie, which Kurt could not help but notice because he could count on one hand the amount of teenage boys he had ever seen wearing bow ties in the state of Ohio, himself included.  

Kurt wonders how often he comes by to visit and volunteer.  Maybe there is a chance they will be able to meet after all.

The faint beeping of the key code and jiggling of the door handle to his left draws his attention and he turns in time to see an older woman with ashy blonde hair and huge round glasses that take up half of her face walk in.  Her scrub top is printed with different Winnie the Pooh characters.  She smiles and approaches him, extending her hand.  “Hi, you must be Kurt.  I’m Jeannie; we spoke on the phone last week.”

“Oh! Yes,” Kurt shakes her hand.  “Nice to meet you.”

“Shall we?” She gestures to a table and Kurt takes a seat opposite her.  “So we just have to get some paperwork in order and then we can take a little tour around the unit so you can meet the kids.”

“Okay.”

“This is your first time volunteering, right?” She opens a Manila folder and begins rifling through a large stack of papers.

“Yes.”

“What drew you to it?”

Kurt steals a glance towards the bulletin board, lips curling up into a half-smile.  “I heard about it through my school a few months back, but honestly? I spent a lot of time visiting my mom in this hospital when I was a kid and when me and my dad would get home he would always try to cheer me up.  We put on a lot of concerts for my stuffed animals in our living room.  And I mean… like a lot .”  

Her eyes are soft as she listens, a piece of paper held loosely between both hands just inches off of the table, almost forgotten, and gives him an empathetic smile.

“I saw that video of the Disney sing-along online and I just really wanted to be a part of it, helping kids, especially with music, because it’s really helped me through some tough times.”

“Well,” She straightens up and slides the paper across the table towards him, “I think the kids will really love having you around.  Do you play any instruments?”

“Never missed a piano lesson,” Kurt says, grinning.  “But mostly, I love to sing.”

The paperwork consists of a lot of signatures.  Kurt is not to discuss any of the patients or their health conditions with others in order to maintain privacy regulations, not to post anything to social media without permission, and just a lot of general information about the hospital’s protocols such as what to do in the event of emergency scenarios (of which there are many ).  By the end of it, Kurt has a pretty sizable stack of papers to take home with him and a dull cramp in his wrist.  

“I know it seems like a lot of information, but nothing you have to memorise.  You’ll always be with other staff members who will guide you through every step of the way.”

Kurt releases a nervous laugh, “Okay, good.  I can save my highlighters for school work then.”

***

Jeannie leads the way to the playroom which, she explains, is a safe space for all the children on the unit that remains open every day until 7 p.m.  No medications or treatments are allowed to be administered to a child in the playroom, they must be brought out first.  There are about ten kids inside, ranging from toddlers to older teens, all of whom have seemingly gravitated towards splitting into their own little cliques based on ages.  As soon as they enter the room two of the younger kids, a boy and girl no older than three or four, look up from a mountain of blocks and start crying.  Kurt casts an alarmed glance at Jeannie.

“It’s okay, you can keep playing.” Jeannie kneels down and stacks a loose block onto their small tower.  “Everyone, this is Kurt, he’s going to be coming by to help out and spend some time with all of you.” She stands up and backs away from the two toddlers with the blocks to stand beside Kurt again.  

“It’s the uniform,” she says quietly to him.  “Some get scared when they see us come into a room cause it usually means it’s time for medicine or treatments.”

“Hi, Kurt!” A small girl with bronze skin, a round face, and long thick black hair comes over and takes his hand.  “I’m Melanie! You wanna come draw with me?”

She does not wait for an answer before she starts tugging on his hand and walking back towards a small rectangular table covered with construction paper and crayons.  She climbs into one of two plastic blue chairs which are far too tiny for Kurt to fit in, so he sits on the floor beside the table, crossing his legs.  Melanie slides a piece of yellow construction paper towards him and pushes a pile of crayons into the middle for them to share.

“Did you draw all of these?” Kurt picks up a red crayon and starts sketching.

“Yes! My daddy brought my big brother to visit and we draw together,” she says, shading in what looks like a sunflower with a purple crayon.

“They’re very beautiful; I like that one a lot.” Kurt taps the one she is currently working on.  “I’ve never seen a purple sunflower before.”

“I’m gonna invent them one day,” she says matter-of-factly.  Kurt smiles and returns to his sketch of a new outfit design that has been floating around his mind for the past week.  

“Woah!”

Kurt begins to lift his head up to locate where the voice has come from when he spots movement beside his left elbow.  To say the boy is small would be an understatement.  He is tiny .  A pale, skinny little thing dressed in Batman pajamas that look two sizes too big on him.  He has wide, bright blue eyes and is wearing a charcoal grey beanie.  Clutched between his toothpick arms is a stuffed rabbit with drooping ears the size of its entire body.  

“Hello,” Kurt says as the boy leans forward to peer at his drawing.

“You can draw,” the boy says, clutching his rabbit closer.  

“Would you like to draw with us?”

“Can’t draw,” he says.

“Oh, I bet that’s not true,” Kurt says and holds out the crayon to him.  “Everyone can draw.”

The boy looks at the crayon then up to Kurt and shakes his head shyly before raising the bunny up to his chin, hugging it tightly.

“What’s your name?” Kurt asks.

“Jason,” he says quietly.

“Well, would you like to watch me and Melanie draw?”

“I’m really good.” Melanie looks up at him.  “You can sit next to me, I’ll show you.”

Kurt spends the next hour drawing with Melanie while Jason continues to peek curiously between them.  The other kids begin to trickle out of the room, some led by nurses, some by visiting family members.  Pretty soon, only the three of them are left until Jason’s mother comes in to collect him.  Before he leaves, Kurt holds out a piece of paper to him.

“Something tells me you like Batman,” Kurt says as Jason’s eyes widen at the image of a child-sized Batman with bright blue eyes.  “How about next time you can draw me?”

“Okay.” Jason grins, slipping the picture between his stuffed bunny and his chest to hold it there safely.  “But you’re gonna look like a potato.  I really can’t draw.”

It is the most Kurt has heard him speak all afternoon.  Something about the way he talks contradicts the way he looks. Kurt wonders how old he actually is; the boy looks smaller than most five year olds he’s seen but definitely talks like an older child.  Kurt makes a mental note to find out next time.  “Deal.  I can’t wait to see it.”

Jason’s mom gives Kurt a parting smile before she shepherds her son away.  Soon after, Melanie’s nurse comes to collect her as well, leaving only Kurt and Jeannie in the empty playroom.

“That went well,” she says.  “You’re a natural with them.”

Kurt beams back at her, a sense of pride swelling in his chest.  

After his dad comes to pick him up, Kurt spends the entire car ride home filling him in on the events of the day, excluding Jason and Melanie’s names.  He goes to bed that night with his mind already buzzing with activities for the next visit.

***

Kurt starts volunteering two days a week after school and over the course of the next month, he becomes very familiar with some of the regular kids on the unit.  Jason, he discovers, is actually nine years old, has leukemia and is in his final round of chemotherapy by the first week in October.  Melanie has sickle cell anemia and had been hospitalized for something called ‘sickle cell crisis’— she had gone home two weeks after they first met, but Kurt learns that she usually returns frequently for the same problem.  There’s a teenage boy not much older than Kurt is, but taller and skinnier with jet black hair and sad eyes, named Julian who has cystic fibrosis— he usually keeps to himself, oftentimes choosing to sit in the back corner of the playroom and silently watch everyone else.  

The rest have been a whirlwind of faces and names with a variety of issues such as pneumonia, appendicitis, broken bones and asthma attacks.  There have also been quite a few cases of children who have come in with injuries as a result of abuse at home, more so than Kurt would have imagined actually occurred.  He finds trying to interact and engage with those kids to be the most heartbreaking.

Some of the kids are not as keen to warm up to him as others, keeping to themselves or staying with their families while Kurt leads sing-alongs, painting lessons, hosts movie nights, and reads aloud during story time.  He has developed a steady routine in the five weeks since he began volunteering.  So on the Tuesday during the second week of October he waves hello to the security personnel by the front entrance like he usually does.  He rides up the same elevator and is buzzed into the unit by Rosie, the first nurse he met with the auburn hair.  And with his usual wide smile in place, he strolls into the playroom with a new four-pack of Disney themed puzzles under his arm.  

But when he walks in, the kids are already sitting in a circle, staring up at a boy with loosely gelled curls coiffed into a fluffy side part, bright hazel eyes, and a sapphire acoustic guitar perched on his lap. Kurt is caught completely off guard as he realises, Oh god, it’s him! It’s the guy from the video!

He looks shorter in person than Kurt assumed.  In both the photo on the bulletin board and the video his hair was ungelled and wild.  Kurt vividly remembers his dark curls bouncing as he bopped his head along to the music while impersonating Timon and Pumba for the younger kids.  He’s dressed in another carefully selected outfit though— bright red pants, a black polo and a white bow tie with black polka dots on it.  

“Kurt!” A few of them yell excitedly.    

“Ah, so you’re the famous Kurt I’ve been hearing so much about,” The boy with the guitar says, that same unwavering grin already in place.  “Nice to finally meet you, I’m Blaine.”

[ittybitty-enby]

PLEASE TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DND STUFF I LOVE HEARING ABOUT PEOPLE'S DUNGEONED DRAGONS

YEAAAAAH okay okay okay

this is my second time playing dnd so bare with me here (my first time was fun but it was never finished bc of covid :[)

but i play a goblin rogue named Bevelen Segut and made him with a cowboy theme in mind so he's got a southern accent.

He has a mimic familiar named Larry! who's disguised as a cowboy hat. he looks like this when out of hat form. (aka add spider legs)

they're basically brothers (Larry understands common while Bev has been with Larry long enough to pick up on his body language and expressions) and my dm loved Larry so much they made it canonically immortal.

our group though? 10 people. at least it started out as 10 but then because of the big numbers, we had to split up our groups into parties of 5 to be more manageable. One party is called the Flock and the other is called the Nutcracks! guess which one i'm on >:]

yeah it's the Nutcracks and our party is called that because one of our members described the rest of us as "Nutcracks" in our first ever session so i thought that was funny.

our campaign is a homebrew one! and describing the whole plot on the Nutcrack side right now would mean having to turn back the clock and start from the beginning and i dont have the energy to do that right now so i'll just give you some Nutcrack information

- ooooonn the member list we got: Wayland Ward who is an undead wizard, Sorrel who is a tabaxi druid, Mallory Fuck who is a half-orc fighter, and Jay who is an aarakocra Cleric! i've already talked about Bev lol

-3/5s of the Nutcracks are teens. 14-15, 17, and 19.

-the Nutcracks have adopted a 10 year old tiefling named Orson they found on their first mission after being hired by this research organization. they were exploring some ruins when they found this kid with a golden sword and gold armor who said they should leave before they get "squished" by this monster that comes every night that Orson has to kill. We killed this monster and helped him get rid of it for good but he has been alone within this literal ghost town for years after his dad died. So he's with us now.

-we all play on discord and a majority of us are artists so we all draw our own stuff and doodle afterwards!! whenever people draw Bev I cry

-Nobody knew Bev's hat was a mimic until Wayland tried to pick it up off the floor and our dm said "roll animal handling" and everyone went insane.

that is all i will share for noww

[theladysexpistol]

I saw your request for requests! Can I have a Kakyoin X Reader? Anything fluffy would do it ^^

Don’t get me wrong part 5 is probably my favorite part in jojo (so far) but I’m so excited to get a request for a different part! Especially for my favorite character in Stardust crusaders! 🍒

I hope you don’t mind me doing a part 4 Kakyoin? My irl Jojo friends and I have been talking about Kakyoin in part 4 a lot lately so he’s on my mind 😬

This got much longer than I intended - sorry, not sorry?

Side note I’ve been using Kakyoin’s theme in my homebrew dnd campaign. why is Kakyoin’s theme still the best Jobro theme to exist ever? 🤩

~~~

   Bright, midmorning sunlight filtered into the kitchen of your small city home. You were cooking to get your mind off the absence of your husband, but you weren’t as successful as you would have liked. Your hands were trembling.

   Of course, you trusted the word of Noriaki Kakyoin, the man you had chosen to spend the rest of your life with, as well as that of Jotaro Kujo, his best friend. But the bombshell the two of them had dropped on you, along with everything else they had decided to explain, had your head spinning. Kakyoin had probably wanted to spend a little more time with you, to ease your worries further; but Jotaro had insisted it was urgent. And that, it was, you had to agree. But the thought of either of them getting hurt - or worse - wouldn’t leave your mind.

~

   You had basically grown up with Jotaro, only a few streets away from his home. You both attended all the same schools. He had always counted you among his small group of friends, on account of how you neither fawned over him like most girls nor were you interested in fighting him in a vain attempt to become popular like most boys. Several of his fan girls did not like you because of this, but it never bothered you. In fact, you found some entertainment in watching him groan even after being pushed aside by his groupies.

   But the transfer student that Jotaro returned with from a long, unexplained absence in the middle of your third year of high school was another story.

   Both of them were covered in bandages under their uniform, and both avoided any questions as to their condition. You and Kakyoin hit it off immediately, and in fact your feelings for him emerged quite quickly. The two of them became your closest friends, but there was alway something there, something you could feel but could never quite place, something that the two of them had in common that you didn’t have.

   When all three of you graduated, Jotaro left to study marine biology abroad. Suddenly you were spending more and more time with Kakyoin, and your silly childhood crush blossomed as you fell in love with him. By the time Jotaro returned to see the two of you in Japan, he was more irritated than ever.

   “Good grief you two, I was hoping you would’ve gotten together by now.” he had said. It had been mortifying, but in a way it was a blessing. After all, that was how you and Kakyoin had gotten together. Even as Jotaro dated, then married a woman he had met in America, had a beautiful baby girl, and continued his studies, you and Kakyoin remained together.

   Kakyoin had informed you when Jotaro returned to Japan from New York where he had been visiting his ailing grandfather, but that he would not be able to visit the two of them for some time as he was investigating a series of odd family events in a small town called Morioh. You were disappointed but thought nothing of it; until Jotaro showed up in your living room.

   “I’m going to need your help,” he told Kakyoin. “I can’t handle a serial killer-Stand user alongside a handful of high schoolers and a manga artist.”

   “A what?!” you exclaimed. Both men looked at you after your outburst as though they had forgotten you were there. “Stand user? A serial killer? Jotaro, you’re the strongest person I know but this still isn’t your responsibility... shouldn’t you go to the police?”

   Per habit, Jotaro sighed, tugging his hat over his eyes. “Good grief... I forgot you don’t know about Stands.”

   Kakyoin smiled, but you could tell his smile was strained; forced, on your behalf. “You’re not usually one to slip up like that, Jotaro.”

   “Both of you! Tell me what’s going on!” you demanded, getting frustrated. They were both acting as though this was nothing, as though they dealt with serial killers normally!

   Finally, after some more frustrated convincing, the two of them explained everything. Dio, and Jotaro’s mother, the involvement of Jotaro’s grandfather and Avdol and Iggy and Jean Pierre Polnareff and their absence from school as they traveled to Cairo in order to put an end to their suffering. They explained how all along they’d had spirit guardians called Stands at their sides, and how their Stands had watched over you, too. Tears pooled at your eyes as they explained how Kakyoin had nearly fell to the same fate as Avdol and Iggy at the hands of the vampire, but by some miracle he had survived. But before you could fully comprehend everything they had told you, the two men had left for Morioh.

~

   Honestly, it was all unbelievable. If it hadn’t been Kakyoin and Jotaro, the two people you trusted most in the world, who explained all this madness to you, you probably wouldn’t have believed it. But the existence of Stands made sense; that was the thing they had always shared, that unexplainable presence you sensed between the two of them. So you had to believe the rest of it; and Stands, they sounded wondrous; but dangerous in the wrong hands. And the two of them had just willingly returned to Morioh to hunt down a person using their Stand to deliberately kill people.

   The more you thought about it, running through every event they had described to you in detail - on top of Jotaro’s young relative Josuke - who was technically his uncle? God, it was all confusing - the harder you trembled. Kakyoin, the most precious person to you in the world, had almost never survived. You imagine every happy moment he had brought you - your wedding, meeting Jotaro’s daughter, buying the house together - and it’s almost too much to bare.

   A face full of smoke breaks you out of your revere.

   “Shit!” you exclaimed, having become so lost in your thoughts and your worry that you burned what had been cooking on the stove in front of you. All the pent up frustration and emotions are released upon this mistake, like popping the cork off a bottle of champagne. You collapse in the kitchen in tears. Kakyoin had left about a week ago, and yet you didn’t think you could stand another moment away from him.

   You sat there on the kitchen floor for who knows how long. At some point, the soft ringing of the telephone caught your attention. You weren’t sure how long it had been ringing for, so you pulled yourself together the best you could and picked it up without looking at the number. “Hello?”

   There was a familiar sigh on the other line, before the one voice that would normally fill your heart with warmth answered. “It’s so good to hear your voice. I hope you’ve been all right.”

   But now, it just filled you with worry and longing, and you struggled to keep your voice from cracking. “Noriaki, I can’t stop thinking about everything. I can’t stand this, knowing where you two are.”

   “I’m so sorry,” he replied, sounding disappointed. “But I will be okay, I promise you. Josuke, he is Joseph’s son that Jotaro told us about; he and his friends are quite talented Stand users. They want to protect their town. It reminds me of Jotaro and myself, on our journey to Egypt.”

   You could hear the smile in his voice. It was the first thing that soothed your worried heart.

   “Noriaki,” you said, after the two of you had talked for some time; mostly listening to him talk about Morioh, and what a wonderful city it was, potentially for raising children; once this mysterious serial killer was taken care of. “Let me come visit you. Just for a week, and I’ll stay safe, I promise. I feel like I’ll feel better once I meet everyone, once I see the city for myself. It’s just that... well, ever since you told me how close to death you had been before we even met, it’s all I can think about. You, dying, against this horrible person.”

   “I’m sure they don’t even hold a candle to Dio,” he gave a bitter chuckle, as if knowing what a terrible thing a joke like that would do to your heart. “I’ll... let me think about it and talk it over with Jotaro, okay? You can’t see Stands. That’s what makes this guy so dangerous.”

   Your heart clenched. “Okay.”

   “I love you.”

   You hung up the phone, and immediately went to your bedroom with a suitcase. As soon as the idea had came to your mind, you were already set. You weren’t going to give him time to think it over. Before leaving for the train station, you only emailed Jotaro of your plans.

   And when you checked your email on the train, you were unsurprised by his short reply. It honestly made you smile a bit.

   Good grief. I’m not sticking up for you.

~

   The train arrived at Morioh Station early in the morning. As you descended the steps to the station, you could see several students of differing ages all waiting for the bus. You were immediately charmed by the quaint, peacefulness of the town.

   And then you remembered the dark secret lurking in the shadows of the cheery buildings, and fear gripped your heart once again.

   Making your way toward the taxi stop, you were careful not to accidentally bump into anyone. It was honestly even more terrifying than you could have imagined, the idea that any of the people around you - laughing and smiling to their friends or dressed in a fine suit, speaking loudly on the phone as they headed to work for the day, even the friendly gentleman driving the taxi that came to take you to the Grand Hotel - could be the one killing innocents with a spirit they couldn’t see. You wondered what their victims knew in their last moments, what they felt as they were killed by an unseen enemy.

   You could practically hear your heartbeat in your ears as the hotel loomed over the city street. You just had to get there. Kakyoin would probably be furious with you, but you would be safe. Jotaro knew you were coming. He’d know not to let Kakyoin leave.

   You bounded up the steps of the hotel so fast you nearly forgot to pay the taxi driver. The Morioh Grand Hotel was beautiful, living up to its name; it would almost be romantic if your husband wasn’t staying there in order to catch a murderer with supernatural powers.

   The woman at the front desk, prim and well-dressed, greeted you immediately. “How may I help you?”

   “Ah, I um- I’m waiting to meet someone here... you haven’t seen two men, one with a white hat and the other with ginger hair leave, have you?”

   The receptionist looked as though she were about to explain “We can’t give away details of our guests, for security reasons you know.” when someone called your name indignantly. You turned to find just who you were looking for, a bewildered-looking Kakyoin and an exasperated, but amused, Jotaro.

   Kakyoin swept you up into a tight hug, before planting a kiss on you. Despite obviously being frustrated that you had made your way to Morioh on your own, it was also clear he was just as relieved to see you as you were him.

   “I should be furious right now,” he mumbled into your ear. “But I’m glad to see you.”

   “One week, Noriaki,” you whispered back. “Give me one week. That’s all I need.”

   When he pulled away, you beamed up at Jotaro. He mumbled something under his breath, something that wasn’t hard to take a guess at, before Kakyoin spoke up again.

   “I hate to be the paranoid husband but... I’d prefer it if you didn’t leave the the hotel by yourself,” he gave a sigh. “I want to keep you as far away from danger as I can.”

   “There’s a simple solution, you know,” Jotaro said with a smirk on his face and stuffed his hands into his pockets as he continued walking toward the door to the hotel. Presumably, the two of them had been leaving to meet with Josuke and the others. You grabbed a hold of Kakyoin’s hand, intent on going with them to meet these other Stand users. “Make sure they never leave your side.”

~~~

[A/N: This fic is already so super long I know... I just wanted to add that after I wrote all the stuff about the reader being scared that any of the people they passed on the street being the killer... well I was this close to putting in a Kira cameo at the end where he noticed that the reader had such beautiful hands, with a beautiful golden ring holding an emerald in the center (kakyoin, emerald splash, obviously) but decided against it because this fic WAS supposed to be fluff... probably a little more angst than you were expecting but i hope you all liked it! i spent my entire shift at work today imagining what i was going to write!]

[myresearchings]

https://litreactor.com/columns/your-favorite-book-sucks-the-kite-runner

Even the book’s most fervent fans admit that The Kite Runner has its faults. The plot hinges on the friendship between two boys: Amir, son of an Afghan businessman and Hassan, son of the family servant. Amir (who we are expected to root for) is defended by Hassan, helped by Hassan, then stands by and witnesses his rape. As a result, Amir rejects his friend, pelts him with pomegranates and makes it look as though he is a thief to get him out of his life. Then he leaves for the US. Then, much later, he feels sorry.

That’s the character we’re meant to like. It goes downhill from there. Assef, the villain, is a half-German who says things like ‘If we had let Hitler finish what he started, the world would be a better place.’ Also he enjoys raping smaller boys.

Those are the characters. The social attitudes are just as scary. In The Kite Runner servants embrace the joy of serving others in a way that makes Uncle Tom seem like a firebrand for emancipation. Amir’s wife, Soraya, is emotionally scarred by the fact she had a brief affair before she married. Nobly, Amir forgives her this awful sin, even though it bothers him ‘a bit’ because she’s ‘been’ with a man although he hasn’t ‘taken a woman to bed’. 

[...]

Yes, the fans say. The Kite Runner isn’t perfect. It’s badly written, hyperbolic and repetitive, with one-dimensional characters and antiquated social attitudes. But none of those things matter, they conclude. The Kite Runner is saved from suckitude by one simple fact. It’s about Afghanistan.

This is the reason The Kite Runner became so popular. It’s not the boys or the kites or the satisfying yet overworked theme of betrayal and redemption. If this book had been set in Greece, or Brooklyn, or Iceland, there is no way in a month of Sundays it would have become required freshman reading and graced the reading lists of High Schools. The Kite Runner caught the popular imagination because it allowed us to learn about one of the world’s troubled places, discover that the Taliban really are a bunch of bad guys, learn a little Farsi, and do it all from the safety of our own armchairs.  

And this is why it sucks.

Because The Kite Runner is about Afghanistan the same way Kim Kardashian is about natural beauty. No mention here of how Afghanistan was created as a buffer zone by the British against Russia, how the boundaries were drawn in such a way as to weaken certain ethnic groups and therefore virtually guarantee tension for the rest of time. How when the Russians did eventually invade, the Taliban were supported (if not actually created) by the US as a tool against the occupiers - fundamentalist teachings being part of the recruitment campaign.

[...]

Let's not forget that the author's go to plot device is boy rape. The author needs the hero to feel bad later? Have a small boy raped. The author wants to show someone is a villain who didn't just make a horrible mistake when they are younger? Have more small boys raped. The author needs some drama? A small boy who was raped off page has a break down. I understand that sadly it happens, and that it is horrible but the author acts like most common thing to go wrong outside the U.S.

................

I was thinking about this book again because I keep seeing it recommended as great literature and I’ve been disturbed by it since I first read it in high school. The servant character, Hassan, was so shit on and abused and yet his “inherent goodness” always shone through--as demonstrated by his willingness to sacrifice for the privileged main character, Amir. 

Amir’s character might have been okay; he grew up feeling guilty for his actions in a way that was very gripping to me as a fucked up kid. But then life comes along and tells him, hey Hassan was your brother and was only put into the position he was because your father was a coward, he’s dead but forgave you, and now he has a small child who needs your help. And Amir is STILL a selfish piece of shit and is like it’s not my responsibility. Really? And the rest of the book is just more exploitative garbage. Huge waste of my time and grossly overrated book.

[hshouse]

are you done with your essay?

YES!! Harry essay is here and I love her.

It’s under the read more!! 

Harry Styles: the gay icon gay women deserve.

If you walk into an arena to watch a Harry Styles concert, you might think you came to a pride parade instead of a concert. His fans bring pride flags (all kinds of them: the gay, the lesbian, the bisexual, the transgender and the asexual have all been spotted) and wait excitedly for the moment when Harry snatches the flags for himself and runs around on stage with them. To understand the Harry Styles that his LGBT fanbase knows and love, it is crucial to know both his path to a successful solo artist and how he is perceived by the general public. Before his solo career, he was a member of the boyband One Direction. Boybands (and their members) have historically occupied in a curious position in popular culture. These groups, mostly composed of early twenties men, have been openly marketed towards a young female audience (who is presumed to be straight). The magazines write about the perfect date for each member and which actress the cute one is dating - all in a clear effort to sell them as romantic/sex icons for teenage girls. However, despite all of these efforts, these boybands are also adored by the LGBTQ community. While the appeal to gay men is more understandable, the bulk of the LGBTQ fans, at least in Harry Styles’ case, is composed of lesbian and bisexual women. Through analyzing four of his songs, I will shed a light on why this appeal exist and how he has become one of the iconic gay icons of the 21st century.

The first two songs that have become an important gay anthem for his LGBT fans were written by Harry Styles during his time in One Direction. The song “Happily” is featured in the third album of the band and “If I Could Fly ” is part of the fifth album. To understand the importance of these songs, some context is needed. A significant part of the One Direction fandom (the word used to describe the collective of fans) believes that Harry Styles was/is on a long term relationship with another bandmember, Louis Tomlinson. This belief is held mostly by the LGBT fans and it has shaped the fandom from the very beginning (this video - which has been watched over five million times - provides a good introduction on the topic). Many LGBT fans were introduced to the band by hearing about this belief. In different, and often controversial and unconvincing ways, both Harry and Louis have denied this relationship. However, the fans, including myself, even after four years of the band break, still believe in the existence of their relationship (the dynamics of this group are extremely interesting but are unfortunately outside of the scope of this essay).

In both “Happily” and “If I Could Fly” Harry writes/sings directly to his lover without (or with few) pronouns. Both songs invoke a common theme of certitude about their relationship while facing outside struggles to maintain this relationship. In “Happily”, Harry directly addresses how their relationship is viewed: “I don’t care what people say when we’re together/You know I wanna be the one to hold you when you sleep/I just want it to be you and I forever”. For straight listeners, this verse may not seem like more than a common love declaration in a pop song. However, for LGBT fans this verse is understood as a clear and loud representation of the queer struggle with acceptance for their relationships. Moreover, Harry is sending a strong optimistic message about queer love: “I don’t care what people say when we’re together”. In a pop culture that still often portrays queer love stories as tragedies or unattainable desires, hearing a song showcases a fairly happy queer love story is important for young LGBT people. Later in the song, Harry also plays (as he does in many songs as we will see) with the common listener’s assumptions about his sexuality: “It’s four a.m. and I know that you’re with him/I wonder if he knows that I touched your skin/And if he feels my traces in your hair”. A straight listened will likely assume he is jealous of another man who is with his female lover. However, the lover Harry is talking to is not specified as a woman so these sexually charged lyrics are understood by his fans to be within the context of a gay relationship.

In a distinctively sadder tone, “If I Could Fly” showcases another side of queer love: the understanding that that relationship is often the only social space where LGBT people get to truly be themselves. While many are lucky to have LGBT spaces and friends, it is still not the case for everyone - especially those in the closet. When performed live, this song seems to be personal and even perhaps painful to him. He sings: “For your eyes only, I’ll show you my heart/For when you’re lonely and forget who you are/I’m missing half of me when we’re apart/Now you know me, for your eyes only/For your eyes only.” These verses seem to say that he is himself only when he is with his lover or that only his lover truly knows him. Again, for his LGBT fans this song is undeniably about feelings and experiences that are unique to queer love within the context of our society. During his first tour as a solo artist, Harry performed this One Direction song in a separate B stage alongside one of his own love songs (the small stage was quickly nicknamed “the Boyfriend stage” by fans). During one of his London shows (linked above) the fans used their phones to form a pride flag across the arena. As he sang “I can feel your heart inside of mine”, his fans held a pride flag and sang back to him “I feel it/I feel it.” An incredibly powerful moment to us and to him (as you can see in the video).

In 2017, Harry started his solo career post One Direction. His first album cycle (including album release and tour) lasted until 2018 and it included over a million albums sold and 69 sold out concerts across the world. His career has been marked by his refusal to share anything substantial about his personal life outside of what is said in his songs. Harry talks through his actions and lyrics more than through any interview. Further, his solo career has also been marked by his fashion choices. He is the face of several Gucci fashion campaigns and the first gender neutral perfume. On tour, he was usually on a two piece suit with an extravagant pattern or in a creative variation of it like this prince outfit. But by far the most unique part of any Harry Styles concert is pride flags that flood the audience everywhere he goes. During every concert of his tour he grabbed some of the flags and ran around the stage. This movement to bring pride flags is a culmination of four years of efforts from his LGBT fans. During the One Direction tours a few brave fans brought pride flags, in a movement named Rainbow Direction, and were often met with hostility from other fans. It wasn’t until Harry started grabbing the flags and, in his fashion “saying without saying” that he supported and liked this trend, that the pride flags became accepted by the larger fandom.

Two of his solo songs deserve special attention for their importance for the queer fans. The first one is “Two Ghosts”. This song, like the ones mentioned before, is believed to be about Louis Tomlinson. The song was released as part of his 2017 album but was written in 2013. During that time, the Louis/Harry belief was first partially addressed when Harry and Louis, who were self declared best friends who lived together, completely stopped interacting with each other. This arrangement was in place until the last day of the band almost 3 years later. In a five person group, it was painfully obvious. “Two Ghosts” is believed to address this new public arrangement: “Sounds like something that I used to feel/But I can’t touch what I see/We’re not who we used to be/We’re not who we used to be/We’re just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me.” Styles then goes on to repeat “We’re not who we used to be” multiple times. Regardless of one’s belief on that relationship, when the song was released, Harry’s queer fans were stunned with how raw the song was. While being a celebrity in that situation is a mostly unrelatable problem, the feeling of not being able to express queer love freely is shared by many. In particular the lyric “I can’t touch what I see” shows a sadness and struggle that is known to many, if not all, queer people.

The second song is “Medicine”. This is Harry’s most openly queer song and also his most sexually charged. The second verse of the song boldly states that he is gonna treat his lover like a gentleman - a line that is hard to be interpreted in any other way but that his lover is a man. The song goes on to describe, by using the metaphor of taking medicine, the singer’s sexual desires with this person: “Here to take my medicine, take my medicine/Rest it on your fingertips/Up to your mouth, feeling it out/Feeling it out.” These lyrics are more explicitly sexual than any of his other songs. In a fan loved moment, Harry sings “I had a few, got drunk on you and now I’m wasted/And when I sleep I’m gonna dream of how you -” and the fans complete the (supposed) lyrics by screaming “tasted”. The song then comes to its most talked about verses: “The boys and the girls are in/I mess around with him/And I’m OK with it”. These verses exemplify what queer women love on Harry: in an unprecedented hint on his sexuality Harry is said in the same breath that he says is okay with it. Again, the reassurance that it is okay to feel this way. It is crucial to highlight an unsurprising detail about this song: it was never released as a track, he only performs it live. These lyrics, therefore, are not in the canon of what non fans know about him. Harry constantly seems to want to share his experiences in some contexts but not others - a feeling entirely too familiar to his queer fans.

During his concerts, Harry talks to the fans close to him from the stage and he seems to have talent (perhaps a radar) for choosing gay fans. This video contain most of the moments mentioned here. He helped multiple fans come out during the concert, he helped a girl find a girlfriend and even said that “everyone is a little bit gay”. His connection with his lesbian and bisexual fans is evident to anyone who follows him. In a very tangible way, this connection was not supposed to exist. Harry was, and still partially is, marketed as a sex symbol who girls are supposed to want to sleep with. His fanbase is supposed to be straight women that daydream about having a chance to date him. Of course, this is an incredibly sexist and condescending way to treat women and Harry has never been okay with this framework. Considering his silence on most topics, he has been loud and clear about his respect towards women and his love for his mostly young female fanbase: “Who’s to say that young girls who like pop music – short for popular, right? – have worse musical taste than a 30-year-old hipster guy? That’s not up to you to say. Music is something that’s always changing. There’s no goal posts. Young girls like the Beatles. You gonna tell me they’re not serious? How can you say young girls don’t get it? They’re our future. Our future doctors, lawyers, mothers, presidents, they kind of keep the world going. Teenage-girl fans – they don’t lie. If they like you, they’re there. They don’t act ‘too cool.’ They like you, and they tell you. Which is sick.“ And this sentiment, if his on stage interactions are anything to go by, seem to be even more clear about his gay fans. It is not to say that every straight fan wants to sleep with him or that he loves them any less. But there is a clear understanding by him that there is something special about the LGBT fans that, despite a marketing that was not meant to appeal to gay women, stood by him for now almost a decade. Show after show he has made it abundantly clear that this relationship is just as important and sacred to him as it is to us.

[phylophe]

100 Warm-Up Roleplaying Questions for Players

Character: Amur Universe: Pathfinder Gender/Race/Class: Male human Paladin/Holy Vindicator Alignment: NG/CG Questions source: here

Full (long) post under the cut.

1. If your character wasn’t an adventurer, what livelihood would they lead?

His parents were peasants who worked as labourers, so probably that. If he ever receives charity from any organisation, he’d strive to work for them.

2. Who in the party would your character trust the most with their life?

If it’s strictly his life, Niyooshan - for some reason the alchemist seems to refuse to let him die or even get too hurt. Maybe it’s a healer thing. 

If it’s about making decisions based on his best interest... he doesn’t trust anyone in the current party with that at the moment.

3. What are your character’s core moral beliefs?

People are essentially good. 

Mercy and compassion is no less important than justice and righteousness. 

Any good is worth doing. 

Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity.

4. What relationship does your character have with their parents and siblings?

He left home at the age of 8, and his parents were largely absentee in those years. He honours them out of societal expectations of filial piety, but that’s about it.

He’s the second child of five. His older brother (1st) and younger sister (4th) passed when he was 7; he depended a lot on the former, and got along well with the latter as they have the most similar personalities amongst the siblings at the time. 

For his surviving siblings, he is very close to his younger brother (3rd, only a year his junior), and they still exchange letters frequently. He and his youngest sister (5th) barely knew one another until they reunited recently as adults.

5. Does your character have any biases for or against certain races?

Having the privilege of being human, he has the common in-universe biases but he tries his best to check them. He does this especially consciously when it comes to race/ancestry (i.e. species) - one of his friends from his apprentice days was lynched for being a drow. 

6. What is your character’s opinion on nobility? On authority?

He respects nobility who is responsible in their post, and righteous authority. 

Otherwise he tolerates them and tries not to cause trouble... unless they do something with which he greatly disagrees morally.

7. Describe your character’s current appearance: clothes, armour, scars they’ve picked up along the journey, etc.

(Skipping the part about scars - addressed in #21)

He dresses in full, heavy plate armour complete with a kite shield when out in the field or in battle. 

During downtime, he wears simple tunics with trousers and boots, usually with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Sometimes he wears a gambeson on top or a leather cuirass for more formality. 

8. What location encountered in the campaign has your character felt the most “at home” in, or just generally liked the most?

(Answering the second part - first part addressed in #40.) 

The small towns and villages they’ve passed through with down-to-earth folks. Though he also likes cities with rich histories and culture.

9. What deity, if any, does your character worship? What’s their opinion on other people’s worship?

Sarenrae - the goddess of the sun, redemption, honesty, and healing. 

He respects most other gods and religions on the good or neutral side of the good-evil axis. With evil gods, he tries not to judge their believers until evil actions based on such beliefs are actually taken.

10. If your character had time to pick up any artisan’s tools, game set, instrument, etc., what would it be?

Some sort of sculpture, maybe pottery or carving. He’s a very tactile person.

11. Describe your character’s current relationship with the player character sitting to your right.

(Rolling 1d3 between 1. Amalli, 2. Mawari, 3. Niyooshan)

AMALLI: It’s complicated - he trusts that she means well and has his best interest in mind, however what she considers “best” is rather... unusual. He teeters between having faith that she is kind by nature, and being annoyed at her messed up values and principles ingrained by nurture. 

12. What is your character’s current goal, summed up in one sentence?

Save the sun, keep his uncle alive, vindicate his friend’s honour.

13. Does your character ever want to “settle down” with a spouse, children, house, etc.?

He’s a sojourner who feels uneasy if he has to stay in one place for an extended amount of time. At this point he���s accepted the single life; it makes it easier to travel.

14. Has your character ever been in love?

He’s aromantic/asexual and can’t really distinguish between romantic and platonic love very well. He does love his friends and found family deeply however.

15. What battle in the campaign has been most memorable to your character?

Against a dragon turtle which is also a divine guardian of sorts. The party angered it and was having trouble hurting it at all; he used Greater Angelic Aspect for the first time to speak to it so it would stop attacking them. It eventually involved taking a massive hit for it and dying (for the first time since level 1), but it ended the battle with no further damages to the party.

16. If your character wasn’t whatever class they are, what would they be instead?

A cleric. Arguably with his temperament he’d have turned out better as one.

17. What is your character’s favourite season?

Spring - the sun gets stronger, the day gets longer, the plants and animals become livelier. 

18. What would your character’s Zodiac sign be, following stereotypical astrology?

Pisces.

19. Where in the world does your character most want to visit?

If it’s only Golarion and the material plane - the Padishah Empire of Kelesh.

20. What is the biggest mistake your character has ever made?

Boy where do we begin. A few months ago he’d have said “going to pee alone that one time”, but he’s okay with that now. 

He thinks his biggest mistake was to give in to despair and as a result fell from grace and lost his god-given powers. He counts the lives lost that could otherwise be saved as his fault.

21. Does your character have any noticeable scars? If so, what are their stories?

A scar on his neck from a time when he wanted to kill himself, and a stigmata in the form of a sunburst brand on his right hand from when he became a Holy Vindicator.

22. What animal best represents your character?

Bison - sometimes peaceful and absentminded, other times temperamental; bull-headed, tough and hardy, and stubborn.

23. If your character could go back in time and change one thing about their life, what would it be?

Aside from not falling from grace as per #20... pick a more common language to learn in school. See #95.

24. Which other player character does your character find themselves having the most in common with?

Those in the first adventuring party he’s had - with Adeline, Mirele, and Kebarong. Simple people with simple needs. Their personalities may be very different, but at least they live in worlds that are relatable.

25. Does your character regret any particular choice the party has made?

Anything that involves the deaths of innocents, even/especially if it’s for the “greater good”. 

26. What would your character say their best trait would be?

His faith in humanity.

27. What is your character’s greatest fear? Deep, irrational?

Having his soul doomed in one way or another. Presently the most plausible method by which this can happen is to have it torn asunder and destroyed.

28. What is currently motivating your character to stay with the party?

He knows he can’t do much of anything alone - not only does he play a supportive role in combat, he needs his companions’ skills, qualities, experience, and expertise to achieve the massive goal they all share (to a degree) - see #12.

29. What are your character’s hobbies and interests outside of their class?

Animals (especially felines), writing letters, pleasant long walks somewhere outdoors.

30. What would most people think when they first see your character?

Big, shiny, clangy, scary-looking, heavily-armoured man. He himself is completely unaware of this perception.

31. What stereotypical group role does your character play in the party? (The Mom, the Mess, the Comic Relief, etc. Optionally: What role would your character play in the “Five Man Band” structure?)

Often he’s the Heart. In a Five Man Band he’d be (conditionally) the Leader, the Lancer, or the Chick.

32. What is your character the most insecure about?

His terrible schmoozing skills.

33. What person does your character admire most?

His benefactor, mentor, and mother figure - a cleric who gave up her peaceful life and comfortable home to travel the world as a missionary and healer. 

34. What does your character admire and dislike the most about the player character sitting to your left?

(Rolling 1d3 between 1. Amalli, 2. Mawari, 3. Niyooshan)

NIYOOSHAN: He admires the alchemist’s resourcefulness, calm and analytical mind, general intelligence and skills in what he does. 

He dislikes his cold rationality and ability to make brutal decisions without hesitation... but what he dislikes more is his own feeling of envy for such a quality. (See also #67.)

35. Why is your character’s lowest stat their lowest (the in-character reason, not “because there’s no reason for a wizard to have 16 strength, duh”)?

Strength and dexterity (I know). He grew up poor and missed out on some bulking up as a child. He’s hardy though.

36. What would be your character’s theme song/favourite band/favourite genre of music?

Folk music with lots of wind instruments.

37. What stereotypical role would your character play in a high school AU/if they attended a normal high school? (Nerd, jock, bully, goth, etc.)

Looks like a jock, acts like a nerd. Probably would get bullied if not for protective friends.

38. What treasure/item/artifact that your character has collected during the adventure is the most important to them?

His standard issue shield given by the Church (with which he shares a Divine Bond, and he has had various upgrades attached to it), letters from friends and those he considers family, a feather from the Vermillion Bird.

39. Is there any particular weapon, item, etc. that your character longs to find?

Right now, as the campaign demands - the Chronicles of the Righteous. Otherwise he’d love to come across any of Sarenrae’s divine artifacts.

40. Where does your character feel the most at home?

BACKSTORY: the Sarenite church grounds in Absalom, where he grew up.

IN-GAME: Falcon’s Hollow, despite its cursedness, where he met people he grew to trust with his life.

41. Does your character care about how they’re perceived by others? How do they change themselves to fit in with other people?

He cares how his loved ones see him insofar as he wants them to trust him, but he doesn’t compromise easily on the kind of person his principles make him.

42. What does your character think is the true meaning of life?

To find something worth loving in everything and everyone.

43. What is your character’s scent? (Bonus points for a description that sounds like it could be from a bad [or awesome] fanfic.)

Sun-burnt vegetation and a faint but unmistakable hint of metal.

44. Does your character think more with their heart or their brain?

Heart.

45. What is your character’s most recent or frequent nightmare?

His most frequent nightmares all involve fire - a child being incinerated, a pile of bodies being cremated, a gigantic flaming wheel in the sky overlooking chaos befalling a city.

46. What opinion does your character have on [CERTAIN ESTABLISHED GROUPS/AUTHORITIES IN THE GAME WORLD]? (Dragon-marked Houses, royal crown, etc.)

CHURCH OF SARENRAE IN ABSALOM: It was his home once; not anymore. Maybe it can’t ever be home again now that he’s seen how deep the corruption runs.

EAGLE KNIGHTS: They mean well, but they have a ruthless murderer in their own ranks and after all these years they haven’t sorted that out. Helpful to a point, at least. 

HELL KNIGHTS OF THE SCOURGE: They’re more reasonable and likeable than he’d expected, and he’s not sure how to feel about that.

PATHFINDER SOCIETY: Crazy resourceful, shamelessly shifty.

JADE REGENT: Shit.

47. How did your character spend their childhood? Where did they grow up/who were their childhood friends?

He lived in poverty in a backwater town (Railford) in southern Taldor until the age of 8, when he was brought to the Church of Sarenrae in Absalom. His years there as an apprentice were the happiest, most peaceful of his life - he had his mentor and her companion as pseudo-parents, and made some close friends when he was training to be a paladin.

48. What aspect of your character’s future are they most curious about? (If they could know one thing about the future, what would it be?)

Whether or not he can redeem Shasriel. See also #52.

49. What colours are associated with your character?

Green, yellow, brown.

50. Who in the party would your character prioritise rescuing, in dire circumstances?

Among his current party of Amalli, Niyooshan, and Mawari, he’d prioritise Amalli because she’s been with him the longest and he knows her best out of the three.

51. Is your character the most swayed by ethos, pathos, or logos?

Pathos.

52. If your character was granted a single use of Wish, what would they use it for?

He’s wary of the repercussions and unforeseen consequences of such a powerful spell, so he’ll restrict it to wishing that the wraith feeding off of his soul be saved from undeath and her uncorrupted nature restored. See also #48.

53. What is your character’s favourite spell? If they don’t use spells: what is their favourite personal weapon/combat manoeuvre/skill/etc.?

Lay on Hands, with mercies and feats.

54. How does your character feel about keeping secrets from the rest of the party?

He doesn’t like it but he does it with people he’s not close to, out of fearing judgement. With close people he only keeps secrets if he himself doesn’t want to confront those things, which actually happens quite often.

55. What type of creature in the world is your character the most intrigued by?

Benevolent creatures that should be evil by nature - devils and undead for example.

56. When they were a child, what did your character want to be, or think they were going to be, when they grew up?

Before he went into paladin-specific training, he wanted to be a missionary cleric - just like his mentor. 

57. The player character to your left admits that they’re passionately in love with your character. How would your character respond?

(Rolling 1d3 between 1. Amalli, 2. Mawari, 3. Niyooshan)

MAWARI: He’d think she’s ill, making a bad joke, or trying to curse him.

58. If somebody (an NPC, someone from their backstory, etc.) your character trusts/loves asked your character to do something against the party’s best interest, who would they side with?

It would depend of course, but at this point he doesn’t really trust his current party, so he would probably side with his loved one.

59. Does your character value their own best interest more than the party’s?

Definitely not, to a fault sometimes.

60. What decision would the party have to make in order for your character to consider splitting off from the group?

Something unequivocally cruel and undeniably evil.

61. How does your character imagine the way they will die?

In battle, protecting others with all that he can give.

62. What is your character’s greatest achievement?

Aside from the battle described in #15, being vindicated by his goddess at the exact moment he defied an order from his religious superiors.

63. Is your character willing to risk the well-being of others in order to achieve their goal?

Not at all, unless his goal also happens to be the greater good.

64. What is your character’s opinion on killing others?

He understands the necessity of killing in the kind of life he’s chosen to live, but he tries his best to avoid killing innocents, and even those who are guilty - so long as he thinks they have a chance to be redeemed.

65. What is your character’s favourite food? Beverage?

He doesn’t have single favourite, but he likes homey, hearty meals. Potatoes make him think of Kebarong, one of his closest companions. As of late he seems to have suddenly developed a constant craving for almonds. 

66. How generous is your character? Especially to those they don’t know?

Very. He’d fall for any sob story; even if he knows he’s been cheated he wouldn’t change his ways, because his generosity being abused is not his problem, but the abuser’s.

67. What is your character the most envious about, regarding anyone in the party?

As addressed in #34, he’s envious about Niyooshan’s ability to make cruel but rational and/or necessary decisions. He is also sometimes envious of Amalli’s blissful ignorance of some realities of the world, but other times he feels sorry for her.

68. The player character to your left and the player character to your right are both telling your character two different versions of the truth. Who does your character believe?

(Rolling 2d3 between 1. Amalli, 2. Mawari, 3. Niyooshan) 

MAWARI & AMALLI: This is a toughie. On the one hand he trusts Amalli more than Mawari, since he’s known the former for a while and became acquainted with the latter only recently; on the other hand Amalli has a way of viewing and interpreting reality that he really doesn’t understand sometimes. Ultimately he’d take Amalli’s word for it if he has to.

69. What is your character’s sexuality/relationship with sex?

He’s aromantic and asexual, although he does enjoy intimacy with friends (i.e. he’s quite touchy-feely). if someone were to pursue him romantically/sexually and he already likes them a lot, he’d do what they request if he thinks that it improves their bond. 

70. What is your character’s biggest pet peeve?

People using doublespeak, especially if it’s for politics.

71. Describe how your character feels about the party’s current situation/objective/etc.

It’s a big job and he can’t even fathom how they’ll get there, but it has to be done and it seems like he and his companions are the ones who need to do it, so he’ll just have to take things one step at a time. 

72. Who in the party would your character trust the most to keep an important secret?

Niyooshan - he trusts the man to exercise discretion. Amalli means well but tends to run her mouth.

73. If your character knew that they were going to die in a month, how would they spend the rest of their life?

Write heartfelt letters to his friends and family, write strongly-worded letters to his Church and the authorities-that-be, and do his best to further his and his allies’ mission.

74. What makes your character feel safe?

A nice home-cooked meal, a warm fire, knowing people he trusts and loves are close by. 

75. If your character had the chance to rename the party/give the party a name, no questions asked, what would it be?

“Not-Rebels”. Because they’re totally not rebels with massive bounties on their heads. 

76. What memory does your character want to forget the most?

Technically he’s already forgotten it - the process by which his soul was bound to an ancient Azlanti wraith was traumatic enough that his memory of it is now repressed. 

For his intact memories, he’d very much like to forget about the time he watched a child be incinerated in an instant, or the time he’s had to mercy-kill a group of innocents who’d been afflicted by the curse of undeath... or maybe he doesn’t because he thinks he needs to carry his “mistakes” with him.

77. If your character had to multiclass into a class they currently aren’t the next time they level up, what would it be and what reason would they have for doing so?

Fighter - so he can be more flexible with gear, be more effective at controlling the battle, and - most importantly - use tower shields. 

78. What television/book/video game/etc. character would your character be best friends with? (Or: what media character is your character the most influenced by/similar to?

Take all the usual Knight Templar tropes and subvert them.

Additionally, my GM compares him to Anders of the Dragon Age franchise. I created Amur way before I knew who Anders was, and some of the similarities are frankly uncanny. 

79. What unusual talents does your character possess?

High pain tolerance, and (is this a talent?) diminished self-preservation instincts.

80. How does your character feel about receiving/giving orders? Are they more of a leader, or a follower?

He’s much happier receiving orders than giving them, but he can’t help but question or even defy those he considers immoral. He wants to be a follower but is ultimately too headstrong and impulsive to be a good one.

81. What does your character’s name represent to them? (Or: why as a player did you choose your character’s name?)

His name is one (of the few) ties he has with his birth family, but he’s fine if he has to use a different name temporarily for a good reason.

I named him after the Amur River. As a geomorphologist I sometimes name my OCs after landform features. All my original PCs and NPCs in this universe are named after real-world rivers.

82. Is your character more of an introvert, or an extrovert?

Introvert.

83. How far is your character willing to go to pursue the “greater good”? Do they believe in a greater good at all?

He believes in the greater good, he just doesn’t believe in having to sacrifice innocent individuals to pursue it.

84. What does your character want to be remembered by?

Kindness and compassion.

85. What would be your character’s major in college?

Humanities - more precisely, something along the lines of Anthropology or Cultural Studies.

86. Does your character consider themselves a hero, villain, or something else?

Something else - he sees himself as one who helps someone else become a hero, or turns someone away from villainy. 

87. What major arcana tarot card best represents your character?

Strength.

88. Where does your character see themselves in 20 years?

Dead. Still travelling around, with or without a name, finding trouble, and doing whatever needs to be done.

89. What is your character’s relationship with magic? Are they scared of it, wish to know more about it, indifferent to it?

To him, in general magic is just another ability or talent, as much as someone can be gifted physically, intellectually, or artistically. His own magic is granted by his deity, so he sees it as a blessing and not really belonging to him. 

90. Who is your character’s biggest rival?

He doesn’t consider anyone his rival, but he does have a nemesis of sorts by the name of Geminus Nero Rugatonn. The guy’s been hounding him and his friends since something like level 6.

91. What is your character’s guiltiest pleasure?

Playing with cats.

92. What does your character hope for the afterlife?

To have his soul intact and actually see Sarenrae in all her glory, and to meet those he thinks he’s failed and apologise to them.

93. Who in the party does your character trust the least?

At this point, Mawari - she’s only just joined them, is a witch with creepy curses and hexes, and is their ally only because their goals align with her being a traitor to the Jade Regent.

94. What is your character’s biggest flaw?

Impulsiveness, and being a bleeding heart who is way too forgiving.

95. How did your character learn the languages that they speak?

TALDANE: His first language, and the common tongue across most of the Inner Sea region.

TERRAN: Learned it as part of the curriculum in his apprentice days. Why he didn’t pick something less obscure is anyone’s guess. Maybe he just doesn’t want to use it much.

NECRIL: Started to learn this after being possessed (?) by a wraith.

TIAN: The common tongue in the continent of the current campaign, Tian Xia.

MINKAI: The local tongue in the country of the current campaign, Minkai.

SIGN LANGUAGE: Learned this after Niyooshan lost his speech. 

96. What is your character’s favourite school of magic/type of weaponry?

MAGIC: Healing (conjuration) and harm-negating spells (abjuration).

WEAPONRY: Do shields count?

97. What is most important to your character: health, wealth, or happiness?

Happiness.

98. What advice would your character give to a younger version of themselves?

“Don’t ignore the urging of your conscience; act on it. It’s better to regret what you’ve done than what you haven’t.”

99. Are there any social or political issues your character feels strongly about?

Any sort of persecution or discrimination that is based on some neutral and often unchangeable part of someone’s identity, e.g. being slaves, low-born, or of a particular race.

100. What, currently, is your character the most curious about?

What part he has to play and how he will end up by the end of this whole deal involving nations, religions, legacies, curses, spirits, gods, and Great Old Ones.

[c-is-for-circinate]

An M9 major arc breakdown: part 1

Arc 1: Who the fuck are you? (I think we might be mercenaries??): episodes 1-25

I was going to do a nice gloss over what I see as the four major arcs of the Mighty Nein story so far in one post, and then I realized that I am (*ahem*) long-winded, we’ll say.  And there’s a lot to be said!

Instead, a separate post for each arc, why not.  [I will stick links to parts 2-4 here when they’re written and posted!]

So: arc 1.  Covering 24 episodes and, according to critrole stats, about 35 in-game days, this arc manages to be both one of the longest and one of the shortest.  It covers levels 2-5, and everything from the first meeting in Trostenwald all the way through leaving Hupperdook.  It’s a lot!  And I thought a lot about trying to split it up, but the more I looked for a breaking point in these episodes, the more every possible division felt really arbitrary, and reinforced the idea that this chunk of episodes has the same theme at the center all the way through.

The arc of these episodes is specifically the progression of the Mighty Nein from not being a thing at all to maybe, sort of, somehow being a thing.  It’s full of great character moments, and lays the groundwork for, I suspect, pretty much every important thing to happen throughout the entire campaign, (with the possible exception of some of Caduceus’s stuff, but even then, I have suspicions), because Matt is Good At His Shit.  It’s also super interesting in terms of the entire show, because even though it establishes everything, the unsteady conclusion it seems to reach about who the M9 might be or might become gets almost completely (seemingly) thrown out the window by the very next arc--but more about that in the next arc’s post.

In this arc I think we need to take just a moment to get meta in terms of players vs characters, because this is the one part of the story so far where that division is actually, actively important.  There’s two big reasons for that.  One, the players are still learning who their own characters are, even as the characters are learning each other.  Two, there is one single, central, and encompassingly important fact that the players all know that the characters don’t, and resolving that disconnect shapes the tone of this entire arc.

The members of the Mighty Nein are going to be together for a very long and very epic journey.  It’s a fact.  Even if individual characters die or choose to leave, the group itself is destined for something big, because everybody at that table has every intention of playing straight through to level 20 all over again.  What’s more, everybody at that table is already family in nearly every real-life way that matters.  The audience knows that this group is going to be something special, expects them to become family in their own right before they’ve even met.  The DM knows.  The world itself probably knows, in-game--a group of strangers meet in Trostenwald and somewhere on her celestial plane, the Raven Queen is probably watching a bunch of fate-threads tangle together and make a mess of her pretty fate tapestry all over again.  The only people who don’t know how meaningful this group is going to be, to the world or to its own members, are the characters themselves.

And that leads to a fascinating dynamic, where these characters run into each other in Trostenwald, and then stay together for reasons even they can’t necessarily fully explain.  They never sit down and say, “okay, let’s be mercenaries together”--they get kicked out of Trostenwald and say, “I guess let’s go to Zadash together, maybe?”, and then they just...never break up.  The number one question for the whole first chunk of this arc is, “Why am I even with these assholes?”  Sure, the easy answer is, “because the players have decided the characters are going to be,” but that’s boring and kind of besides the point.  Yes the players have decided that the characters are going to be together--and that creates a story where the characters and the players both have to figure out why as they go along.

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The way this plays out is different for each character, but there are some commonalities:

Caleb and Nott both have long-term goals, and even though neither of them knows it at first, they both have the same long-term goal: somehow get back to the way the world used to be.   The trouble is, this is a really distant goal for both of them, something that requires the kind of intense magic they don’t understand and barely even believe in.  Their short-term goals are a much more basic ‘survive and also keep this other person alive long enough to figure out how to achieve that long-term goal’, and that’s what they say they’ve signed up with the rest of the group for.  It’s a relatively simple answer that ends up getting ever more complicated in reality.

Caleb and Nott’s relationships with the group actually parallel each other a lot at this early stage, and it isn’t just because they come as a prepackaged duo.  Both of their long-term goals have an undercurrent of desperate loneliness that they’ve each been living with since their lives fell apart.  In theory, getting what they’re after will help fix that one way or another--but in the mean time, suddenly they’re surrounded by people, and they can’t help but care.  They just also don’t trust the rest of the group, because how do you trust people at all, ever?  Nobody’s been particularly kind to either of them since everything went to shit, and if the universe had any kindness to begin with it never would’ve happened in the first place.  But there’s this undercurrent of...maybe, if they learned to love and trust this group, they’d find out they don’t need what they’re trying to get to begin with, because they’ve already got the secure love and acceptance they’re really craving.  Maybe.  Certainly neither of them have started to figure that out yet.  They can barely admit to liking their compatriots at all.

What’s even more tricky is that neither of them actually have much of a plan for getting from their short-term survival goals towards their long-term goals.  Nott literally doesn’t know how Caleb could turn her back into a halfling--she just has faith that he can, if he gets powerful enough, and it leads to things like the stolen letter for an academy Caleb would not set foot in again for all the love or money in the world.  Caleb is so bad at bridging the gap between what’s in front of him in this world right now, and the big nebulous world-shattering Thing he wants to eventually achieve.  After all, what’s in front of Caleb right now doesn’t matter, or it won’t once he twists the whole world into a new shape anyway--except that it is in front of him right now, and needs to be survived and dealt with, somehow, and that’s distracting in its own right.  So the whole first arc is full of moments like Caleb trying to take the spell scroll and Nott trying to steal Fjord’s letter, where they’re grabbing at an apparent immediate step towards their long-term goals at the expense of the people around them, and maybe even to the detriment of those ultimate aims.

Basically, for Caleb and Nott, being with this group is supposed to be a means to an end--but they don’t really know how being with this group is going to help them achieve that end, they’re just...pretty sure it will.  Somehow.  They’re definitely eating better now, and maybe if Caleb gets into that library it’ll help, or something, maybe, he hopes.  The unspoken question for Caleb and Nott both, as Arc 1 progresses, is--do they actually think being with the group is going to help them achieve those all-important goals, or do they just like being here?  Nott will follow Caleb anywhere, because he’s her way out of this goblin life, but she doesn’t encourage him to leave to progress somewhere else.  Caleb argues with himself when he’s alone, but he always stays in the end.  Is it practicality?  Is there a plan?  Or did they just accidentally fall in with a group of people they actually like, and the group’s constant shenanigans are a useful distraction from having to admit what they're apparently willing to sacrifice for the sake of being here rather than alone?

Fjord and Jester, meanwhile, both claim to have long-term goals, but they sure don’t show any indication that they care about pursuing them.  Which makes sense, because Jester and Fjord show up in Trostenwald with personal quests that are devoted to a very nebulous, hypothetical sort of belonging (contrast with Caleb and Nott, who want to belong in very specific ways, in places they once already lived).  Their worlds have both fallen apart, too, but far more recently and a little less dramatically.  They’re not looking to get back to what they once had, they’re looking to replace it.

Or, to be more specific: Fjord’s entire adult life thus far has been defined by his job.  Being a sailor wasn’t just his profession, it was his identity.  It’s what he did; it’s where he lived; it’s where he found the only person who ever really cared about him or called him family; it’s where he found his self-worth and his social worth, the first and only place he ever felt valuable to anyone else in the community or the world at large.  Heading up to the Soltryce Academy to figure out what’s up with this sword is about finding a whole new self, with a new purpose, a new job, a new person who can tell him what he’s good at and good for and where he belongs now.

Jester’s entire life has been defined by her mom.  Marion is her entire world.  Jester literally doesn’t know anybody outside the Lavish Chateau, and aside from the Traveller, the few people who do know she exists at all are servants or coworkers of her mother.  Jester’s world is tiny, with Marion at the center of it.  If Fjord’s self-worth is caught up in his job and what he does, Jester’s is entirely determined by making people joyful and happy, and the only two people she’s ever really had the chance to please in that way are her mother and the Traveler.  So she’s looking for her other parent, to replace the one thing she’s always had right there.

In many ways, the particulars of what Fjord and Jester are pursuing don’t actually matter that much.  Fjord doesn’t need the Soltryce to give him a job or a purpose.  He jumps headfirst into the mercenary business almost overnight; they’ve been in Zadash less than a week before he’s chatting with the Gentleman about professional networking like a man who’s about to pull out his company business cards.  Jester doesn’t need a dad, she just needs people to love her and be delighted by her presence.  It turns out that this team of people just so happens to address that core need for both of them, and that’s enough for Jester and Fjord.  They’re in this head first.

The thing about Fjord and Jester is, though, neither of them are asking any questions about the long term either.  Because rolling with the Mighty Nein is hitting all the right buttons to get at the root of what they need, they’re both super blase about letting certain details go without question.  Why does Fjord have these new powers he’s now starting to understand?  What kind of relationship does Jester actually want with a parent?  And where does the rest of the group see this whole situation going in the next weeks, months, years?  Jester and Fjord aren’t asking--and that makes sense too, because if they’re not asking, then they don’t have to face the answers.  If Fjord doesn’t ever make it to Soltryce, nobody can tell him he’s not good enough, and if Jester never quite gets around to meeting her father, she doesn’t have to find out why he never came back.  If they don’t ask questions about the group, maybe nobody will ever remember to leave.

Beau and Molly would be so pissed at being grouped together here, which is not actually why I did it, but is a nice additional nuance.  (Part of why they hate each other so much is because they’ve got a lot in common deep down--they both care very deeply and project an image of not caring very much at all, and it pisses both of them off constantly.)  The truth is, Beau and Molly are both with the Mighty Nein because they literally have nowhere else to go.   Caleb and Nott are trying to regain their old lives; Fjord and Jester are trying to replace their old lives; but Molly and Beau don’t really have lives besides this, or at least not lives they’d admit to.

These two are the closest thing to Professional Criminals in the group when it all gets started--Nott and Caleb might steal and con to survive, but for Beau and Molly it’s been an actual job, with coworkers and workplace etiquette, and bigger heists with full crews arguably similar to the M9 in the past.  The circus was Molly’s everything and it got smashed to bits within the first four episodes, but the core Mollymauk of it all means that his life fundamentally doesn’t change with its loss.  He is still on the road skipping from place to place, living out of bedrolls and carts and inns if there’s good luck; he’s still slinging bullshit and the odd con, doing a good turn when he can and keeping an eye out for coin; he’s still messing around with a couple of swords, trying not to get beat up or thrown in jail or run out of town, killing a bit when necessary; he’s still embedded in the middle of a group of walking disaster weirdos full of Issues and interpersonal conflict who somehow have to live together and rely on each other with all their broken bits and strangeness.  Beau played local contact for every reasonably-sized crew of criminals to come through Kamordah, and not a one of them ever kept her around for the long haul, but she knows seedy underbellies and she knows how to punch people for pay and she knows about honor among thieves and she knows how to trust fundamentally untrustworthy people just exactly as far as she can throw them.

So just the basic everyday operation of being part of the Mighty Nein, the important job skills and general lifestyle, is more in line with what Beau and Molly have already been doing than it is for anyone else in the group.  There’s also less conflict with their overarching long-term life goals.  Neither of them have any, besides ‘keep doing this as long as I can’.  I don’t think either Molly or Beau have any real vision of what a future even looks like, Beau because she’s young and too busy rebelling against to think about building towards, Molly because with no real past he barely even has a concept of change or becoming anything other than what he is.  The most either of them can really picture would be a life they don’t want: the Proper Lionett Daughter or Lucien Whoever-The-Fuck.  Those are nightmare scenario lives that belong to other people, and Beau and Molly will run from them literally as far and as fast as they can.

While Caleb and Nott are avoiding the question of “is this group really going to help me get what I want?” (because the answer might mean they should leave, and they want to stay); and Fjord and Jester are avoiding the question of “should I actually try to find the thing I came looking for in the first place?” (because real answers are so much scarier than unsolved questions); Beau and Molly are determinedly avoiding the high school guidance counselor question question of “where do you see yourself in five years?”.  They have no long-term plans, and neither of them want any.  What they’ve got going on right here is good.  They don’t have to be alone (which Beau has been all her life, and Molly has never been once, and they both want so badly to avoid).  They get to stay in constant motion, running and fighting and drinking and earning money and occasionally experimenting with illegal ethereal-plane-enhancing substances, and that’s just fine.

Yasha doesn’t quite fit in with anyone else because Yasha is gone so damn much, but also because she doesn’t quite match any of the categories.  Her whole life fell apart, just like practically everyone else’s, but she’s not trying to get it back, and she’s not trying to replace it.  And Yasha does have somewhere else to be, a path she thinks maybe she ought to be following if she could just figure out where it is.  She keeps coming back because Molly is the closest thing she has to family; she keeps coming back because fate keeps bumping her into the group and saying she should; she keeps coming back because it’s good coin and easy killing-things work and they’ll have her; she keeps coming back because she likes them, because Caleb is awkward with people but lends her his cat, because Jester is bright and smiling and also loves flowers, because Beau fights next to her and Fjord respects her and Nott gave her flowers once, and that matters.

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As Arc 1 progresses, as the players get to know their characters better and the characters get to know each other, they begin to collectively answer “Why am I with this group?” with another question: “Just what is this group, anyway?”.  It’s a little out of order and a little bit of a mess, just like the party itself, just like life, but the truth is that the members of the Nein find themselves more or less attached to this merry little band before they’ve even really defined what said band is.  The characters become a group by accident, by fate, by will of the players, because they’re all desperate for things and avoiding things and because why not.  Many decisions about what kind of group they become, though, are a lot more deliberate.  

‘Mercenary’ is the first thing they pick up, and they specifically don’t choose it for themselves.  (It’s also the first thing they lose when the next arc starts, or maybe at the very end of this one.)  They roll into Allfield in the middle of a gnoll attack, and Bryce offers cash for gnoll ears before they can even ask ‘what’s in it for us?’.  They already had weapons in hand to deal with the threat--it’s impossible to say what the team would’ve done without that offer, and they were all broke as fuck and badly in need of money anyway--but they didn’t present themselves as swords-for-hire until someone was already asking to hire them.

Allfield teaches them that they can be mercenaries (and gives them an excuse to stay as a group), while Zadash begins to teach them what kind of mercenaries they want to be.  It becomes very clear very quickly that this group does not like institutions of power (something I’ve already written about at length).  They do a single job for the crownsguard and then immediately turn around and start working with back-tavern insurgents and underground smugglers.  While their individual opinions may vary, collectively they do Not Like The Empire.

They also establish themselves as a group that does not trust in general, either the outside world or each other--and furthermore, a group that will push and investigate and uncover answers every time a mystery pops up.  They don’t take the Knights of Requital at face value, they investigate around the back end; they track down the Gentleman just because he’s there.  They demand answers from each other, from Molly baiting a trap to catch Nott stealing from Fjord to the whole group teaming up to demand ‘Lucien’ explain himself.  Caleb doesn’t trust Callie, and Beau doesn’t trust Caleb, and nobody trusts Fjord’s stone-swallowing, and there’s no resolution, only more questions.

Likewise, they are not trustworthy.  While they take jobs and generally deliver on what they pay for, they also ad-lib and change direction for their own benefit, and their loyalty to their employers is debatable at best.  The argument over the spell scrolls in the High Richter’s house is a major division at the time, but by the time they’re clearing out necromancy for the Gentleman, nobody really sides against stealing the journal or Yasha’s sword.  They just come up with a plan together to cheat the Gentleman effectively.  When they clear out the merrow in his safehouse in the swamp, they have no problem taking as much of his stuff as they can.  They are out for themselves, and the jobs they take are a means to their own ends, not particularly important in and of themselves.

The M9 feel very small, as a group, in the face of a world that’s very big, and we see that tie back in with the past two points over and over again.  So much of the Zadash part of the arc involves the stirrings and edges of the war with Xhorhas, and the Nein’s almost instant response of, okay, we want to stay as FAR FROM THAT AS POSSIBLE.  The major powers of the world are big enough to crush them, and they are afraid of that--but, the attitude seems to go, the major powers of the world are also big enough to miss noticing them, and that matters too.  They steal the dodecahedron and disappear off into the shadows because they know it means something huge, and that’s scary, and therefore grabbing this piece of it might somehow protect them or the world in the long run.  They’re able to do it because they’re small, because in this clash of international titans they’re still nobody.

Lastly, this group desperately wants to be doing something moral, they just don’t necessarily know how.  They debate over whether the Knights of Requital are good guys, over whether they should help the crown, over the right thing to do with the Krynn assassin.  They are so much more comfortable working for the Gentleman, who’s a criminal right there on the surface but doesn’t appear to be actively hurting anybody, than assisting the local law.  Even when it’s not a job, or maybe even more when it’s not a job, they find themselves going out of their way to be good people: rescuing Kiri, helping Callie, finding ways to help Horace and Dolan after the attack on the spire explodes everything.  For a group of self-proclaimed mercenaries, there’s a constant undercurrent of...should we be doing this?  Is this the right thing to do?  Should we totally betray our employers because that’s the right thing to do?  They’re not loyal to anybody in particular, except maybe each other, but they’re struggling to find some kind of ideal or guiding principle to be loyal to.

All of this culminates in Hupperdook.  The group is finally unbending a little, coming to trust each other that little bit more.  Beau talks about her childhood, and Caleb says Astrid’s name, and Nott says Yeza’s, and Fjord talks about the orphanage where he grew up.  They go down into a prison to fight a whirling death-robot, and it’s sort of because Rissa’s dad promised them a reward but also sort of because Rissa is Theirs Now, and more than anything it’s to save the parents of a bunch of penniless near-orphans.  It’s a way to say fuck you! to the Imperial system; it’s a way to combine two jobs at once for their own purposes.  It is above all a very new-feeling exploration of the idea that, small or not, they can in fact actually make a meaningful difference in the world.  They have power, and that power can be used for good.  

It’s by far the least mercenary-like job they’ve taken.  Between the bail money they pay for the Schuesters and the additional cash they leave with them to take care of Kiri, they probably spend half as much on the whole endeavor as that new fancy crossbow was worth to begin with.  They did something good, and it feels better and more right than all their fumbling maybes.

Aside from Trostenwald, where crisis came to them and the whole story was about getting themselves out of trouble, Allfield and Hupperdook very much bookend this arc, and that makes a lot of sense, because there’s a very similar feeling to both jobs.  They’ve done something dangerous, and saved lives, and helped people--regular, good people who hadn’t hurt anyone to get into the situations they were in.  They made some profit doing it.  Those things are not mutually exclusive, and maybe, maybe they can build something of a career path out of finding the places where they intersect.

This first arc doesn’t exactly conclude--because with an ongoing show like this, nothing ever quite concludes--so much as it reaches a point where many of its primary themes and issues begin to look as though they could, in theory, someday be resolved.  There’s a visible path ahead that combines altruism and self-interest.  The group members are talking to each other, slowly and carefully.  There are still a lot of unanswered questions about who everyone is and what they want, but it seems like the group might just be heading in a direction towards those questions at least eventually getting asked.

It’s maybe the most optimistic place the group’s been in so far, which is of course why this is the point where everything in the whole world comes crashing down--but that’s for the next arc.