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Complaining abt Suicide Squad yet again but the fact that they have Waller exposing the alien community to space racist attacks and talking abt how she got to her position through deceit and being a terrible person and stuff is just. Ahsfiwueh JUST SAY YOU DONT KNOW WALLER.
Anyways literally the 3rd mission of the Squad ever (and the first framed as smth Waller picked and not orders from above) was the Squad discrediting and stopping a rogue vigilante who was only arresting POC and funneling white people into white supremacy groups (of which he was the most prominent member) in SUICIDE SQUAD #4. and it's explicitly framed as this mission being personal for Waller that she's hiding from the government bc its illegal like. Guys. Please why are we having her incite (space bc comics) racist attacks now
Also the whole "Amanda got her position through deceit and being a terrible person" NO. she KEPT her position through being shitty and playing complicated political games!!! She wasn't always that way like there is a difference and it is IMPORTANT ppl PLEASEEEE. In Secret Origins #14 we learn Amanda's backstory and she used to be a normal, caring person! Like even after she entered into working in government and politics she wasn't automatically morally bankrupt like please people. She was originally given control of the Squad by Reagan (*sigh* 80s comics...) to distract and get rid of her because she was so successful at pushing progressive social policy in Congress. Acting like she's this static pillar of evil is such a waste of her character and so fucking uninteresting and disrespectful to her arc it drives me MAD.
Like I am NOT saying Waller is all sunshine and rainbows, she fucking SUCKS (said w love <3) but like there's a human being there. It's a progression, she has a character arc like please, DC, please!!! They've fucked up Waller so bad and made her so opaque and uninteresting she can't even be the protagonist of her own story for fucks sake!
Like I don't know how many times I have to scream it until DC hears me or remembers but WALLER IS THE MAIN CHARACTER OF SUICIDE SQUAD. ITS HER BOOK. yet right now she's a cutout to be used as the villain wherever the writers please. Even in her book we get none of her perspective really displayed, no exploration of her thoughts with any kind of understanding of the role she traditionally has played and was made to play in the story.
#its like youre unable to root for her in any form. which is annoying bc shes actually awesome actually#also having her say āactually im the good guy fuck you'' w/o any actual deep analysis of her psyche or whatever while doing these things#doesnt count as development or showing shes 3 dimensional. its just having 2 dimensional waller say shes right when everyone is obviously#supposed to believe shes wrong#anyways i want real waller back please i miss herrrrrrrr#anyways hope mr john ridley has read secret origins no 14. i know its from 1987 but please guys please. my only hope#also it was a few months ago but i think they tried to push certain elements of a diff backstory in dream team and sorry but fuck that. and#any mention of another waller background like my eyes are closed sry. im a preboot truther#actually im just ignorant of most squad comics outside the original series. im gonna do a readthrough and become knowledgeable on other#stuff i just need to find time. so if im wrong then sorry if its smth factual and if you disagree with my opinion then uh sorry for ur loss#anyways shoutout to the time i had a nerd night w my one friend and she was asking me abt dc and said my favorite villains and i said waller#and silver swan. and she had a āyuck WHYā to waller and a ???? to silver swan. love shouting out my faves and explaining them to the less#informed. didnt say a number 3 but would probably be parallax ig. idk hes kind of slay. or maybe someone else honestly i like hal but waller#and nessie are blorbo level for me i could think abt them for hours#or maybe it wouldnt be parallax actually idk who my 3 would be. hes definitely up there but way below the other 2. maybe the cheetah#interpretation that i personally have. v different from the popular cheetah interpretation esp rucka vers actually. much closer to the pĆ©rez#and esp develops some subtext there surrounding barbara and the exploitation and theft of sacred cultural artifacts and pieces but also#like british colonization a lil bit#but i actually despise the cheetah that lives in my head but think shed be interesting to use narratively and see diana fight#vs the other guys who i find interesting and sympathetic and like for themselves#whereas my fave interpretation of cheetah can rot in hell#i got off topic here#blah#swishy rant#also disclaimer that w the main character ik dreamer is the main character of dream team. im talking more in general and that amanda should#always have a huge role as shes the main character of the squad and yet is treated like its villain and not its protag#sui sq
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Treatise on why No, the doctor just giving the narrator of Fight Club (full name) his requested sleep medication or sending him to therapy would not have Fixed Him
Firstly, saying giving him the insomnia meds wouldāve fixed him ignores the reason he has insomnia in the first place. He is so deeply upset by his place in society that he literally cannot sleep. Drugging him to sleep would not change that. That, of course, is the easy, quick response.
But with regard to therapy? The biggest flaw is that it ignores a central tenet of the book. Part of what tortures the narrator and drives him to invent Tyler is that his feelings about this collective, systemic issue are constantly reduced to a Just Him thing. His seatmates ask what his company is. Heās the only one upset at the office. He gets weird looks if he says the truth of what he does. People will do anything in their power to pretend he is the issue, as an individual, because it is far scarier to consider the full implications of the systemic issues implied by what he is saying. Everyone treats it as if the issue is him, so he goes insane. He does anything to get someone to say, holy shit, thatās fucked up, what youāre a part of is wrong. In an attempt to feel any sort of vague sympathy and catharsis, he goes to support groups to pretend to be dying, because then at least people donāt habitually blame him for his anguish.Ā
Saying therapy would fix him ignores that his problems are not individual. They are collective. Itās the reason the entire story resonates with people! Something deeply, unignorably wrong with society, where people would rather blame you for bringing it up than try and address it, because it feels impossible. I donāt blame people for this, really, because it IS scary. Itās terrifying to sit and feel like youāve realized thereās something deeply, deeply wrong, but if you say something, people will get mad at you since itās so baked into everything around you. Or, even if they agree, itās easier to deal with the dissonance by pretending itās individual.
And itās not like thatās not the purpose therapy and medications largely serve, anyway. Getting into dangerous territory for this website, but ultimately, the reason the narrator was seeking medication was because itās a bandaid. A very numbing bandaid. For these very large, dissonance causing problems, therapy does very little. Medications do what they always have, and distract you with numbness or side effects. Itās a false solution. He is seeking an individualized false solution because he has been browbeaten with the idea that this is an issue with him alone, when it's plainly clear it's not.Ā
Don't get me wrong. Obviously he has something wrong with him. But it's a product of his situation. It is a fictional exaggeration of a very real occurrence of mental illness provoked by deep unconscionable dissonance and anguish.Ā There is a clear correlation between what happens and his mental state and his job and how isolated he is.Ā
The thing is, even if he were chemically numbed, I do think he wouldāve lost it regardless. Many people on meds find they donāt fix things. For reasons Iāll get into, but in this case because even if numbed or distracted, once youāve learned about deep, far reaching corruption in society, itās very hard to forget. Especially if, in his case, you literally serve as the acting hand of this particular variety. Heās crawling up the walls.Ā
So why do people say this?Ā Well, it's funny I guess. Maybe the first time or whatever. But also, often, they believe it, to a degree. Maybe they've just been told how effective therapy and meds are for mental illness, they believe wholeheartedly in The Disease Model of Mental Illness, maybe they themselves have engaged with either and have considered it successful. Maybe they or someone they know has been 'saved' by such treatments.Ā
But in all honesty.... What therapy can help with is mentality, it's how you approach problems. For issues on a smaller scale, not meaning they are easier to deal with my any degree, but ones that are not raw and direct from deep awareness of corruption; these are things that can be worked through if you get lucky and get an actually good therapist who helps build up your resiliency. But when your issue is concrete, something large and inescapable? It's useless. At best it can help you develop coping mechanisms, but there is a limit for that. There is a point where that fails. To develop the ability to handle something like this requires intense development of a comfort with ambiguity and dissonance and being isolated and a firm positioning of your purpose and values and and belief in wonder and all the other shit I ramble about. The things that the narrator lacks, which lead him to taking an ineffectual death knell anarchist self-destruction path. Therapy, where the narrator is, full of the knowledge of braces melted to seats and all the people that have to allow this to happen? It fails.Ā
And meds Ć¢ā¬ā meds are a fucking scam. We know the working mechanism of basically none of them, the serotonin receptor model was made up and paid its way into prominence. We have very little evidence they're any better than placebo, and they come with genuinely horrific side effects. Maybe you got lucky. I did, on some meds. On others? I don't remember 2018. The pharmaceutical industry is also known for rampant medical ghostwriting, and for creating 'off-label' uses for drugs that have gained too many protests in their original use, then creating a cult of use to then have 'grassroots' campaigns for it to be made a label use (ie, legitimize their ghostwritten articles with guided anecdotes).Ā
The DSM itself is basically a marketing segregation plot. It's an attempt to legitimize the disease model by isolating subgroups of symptoms to propose individualized treatments for subgroups that are not necessarily all that separate. But if the groups exist, you can prescribe more and different medications, no? Not to mention, if you use the disease model, you can propose that these diseases are permanent, or permanent until treated, considered more and more severe to offset and justify the horrific side effects of the medications. Do you know why male birth control doesn't really exist? Same reason. They can justify all the horrible side effects for women, because the other option is pregnancy. For men, it's nothing.Ā
And they're not bothering to invent new drugs without side effects. When they invent new drugs it's just because the last one got too bad of a name, or they can enter a new market. Modern drugs don't work any better than gen1 drugs. They still have horrific side effects. At best, the industry will shit out studies saying the old one was flawed (truth) so they can say this new gen will be better (lie). They're doing it with ssris right now.Ā
Fundamentally, the single proposed benefit of any of these drugs is that they numb you. To whatever is torturing you. It's harder to be depressed if you can't feel it, or if you just can't muster the same outrage. Of course, there is people who find that numbness to be helpful, or worth it. But often, it's stasis. For the people who have problems that can be worked on, it serves as a stopgap to not actually work on said problems. The natural outcome of the disease model is stagnation for those whose need is to develop skills and resiliency. It keeps them medicalized and dependent on the idea that they're diseased and incapable. Profitable. Stuck in the womb.Ā
Iāve been there. Itās easier, to wallow, and resist growth because itās difficult and painful and unfair and cruel and you can think of five billion reasons to justify your languishing. But donāt listen to anyone who tells you youāre just permanently damaged, no matter how nicely they word it, no identity or novel pathologization, no matter how many benefits they promise, especially if they swear up and down some lovely expensive medications with little solid backing and plentiful off-label usage and side effects thatāll kill you. Some days it feels like they want us all stuck in pods, agoraphobic and addicted to the ads they feed us to isolate the markets for the drugs theyāve trained us to beg them to pump us with. Polarization making it as easy as flashing blue light for go, red like for stop, or vice versa. I worry about the kids, for fucks sake. Thatās a bit dark and intense, and I apologize. But I want you (generic) to understand, there is a profit motive. Behind everything. And they do not mean well. They do not care about your mental health or your rights or your personhood or your growth. They care about how they can profit off of you.
For those struggling with immovable, society problems, like the narrator grappling with how his job fits into and is accepted by society while his rejection and horror in the face of it does not, it can work about as well as any other drug addiction. Your mileage may vary. From what I've seen, recovering from being on prozac for a long time can be worse than alcohol. They put kids on this shit. They keep campaigning for more. Off label, again. A pharmaceutical companyās favorite thing to do has to be to spread rumors of someone who knows someone who said an off label use of this drug helps with this little understood condition. Or, in the case of mental illness, questionably defined condition. And like, damn, I know I'm posting on the 'medicalization is my identity' website so no one will like all this and has probably stopped reading by now, but yall should be exposed to at least one person who doubts this stuff. Doesn't just trust it. Because I mean, that's the thing right?
It's so big. What would it mean, for this all to be true? Yeah, everyone says pharmaceutical companies are evil and predatory and ghostwriting, but to think about what that really entails. Coming back to the book, everyone knows the car lobby is huge and puts dangerous vehicles through that kill people. What does it mean if the car companies all hire people to calculate the cost of a recall and the cost of lawsuits? No one wants to think about the scale that means for people allowing it or the systems that have to be geared towards money, not safety like they say. Hell, even Chuck misses the beat and has the narrator threaten his boss with the Department of Transportation. And shit, man, if every company is doing this, you think Transportation doesn't know? That they give a fuck? You're better off mailing all the evidence to the news outlets and hoping they only character assassinate you a little bit as they release the news in a way that says it's all the fault of little workers like you, not the whole system. Something something, David McBride, any whistleblower you feel like, etc.Ā
So I don't blame you, if your reaction is "but but but, that can't be right, people wouldn't do it, they wouldn't allow it" or just an overwhelming feeling of dread that pushes you to deny all of this and avoid thinking about it. Just know, that's in the book. That's all the seatmates on the flights. That's all his fellow officemates. It's easier to pretend, I know.
But think about, how the response fits in with the themes of the book. The story, as a movie too. What drives the narratorās mental breakdown? How would you handle being in his position? How would you handle being his seatmate? Itās easy to say youād listen. But have you? Have you had any soul wrenching betrayals of how you thought society worked? How about a betrayal by the thing that promised to be the fix of the first? Can you honestly say you wouldnāt follow that gut instinct, saying follow what everyone says, that person must just be crazy, evil, rude, cruel, whatever it is that means you can set what they said aside?
For a lot of people, they can do that, I guess. Set it aside. Reaching that aforementioned state of managing to cope with the dissonance and ambiguity and despair is very hard. The narrator made the Big Realization, but he couldnāt cope. He self-destructed. Even when people donāt make the big realization consciously, theyāre already self-destructing. Itās hard to escape it when it feels easier than continuing anyway. When it feels like the only option,
Would therapy fix the narrator of Fight Club? Would meds fix the narrator of Fight Club? No. He knows too much. All meds will do, by the time heās in the psych ward, is spiritually neuter him. A silly phrase, but really. Take the wind out of his sails.Ā
Is he fixed if he doesnāt try to blow up town? If he just shuts up and settles in and stops costing money? If he still canāt cope with the things heās unearthed? Do you see how this is a commentary in a commentary in a commentary?
Fight Club is an absolutely fascinating story because of this. The fact that it addresses the fallout of knowing. The isolation. The hopelessness. The spiral that results from a lack of hope. This is, I think, what resonates most with people, even if not consciously. Going insane because youāve discovered something you wish you could unknow. Itās a classic horror story. Should our society be lovecraftian evil? I donāt think so.Ā
Do I think changing it will be easy? No. Lord knows a lot exists to push people who make these sorts of Realizations towards feelings of individuality and individualized solutions and denial and other distractions and coping methods. And to prevent people who make One realization from expanding on it and considering further ramifications. Fight Club itself gets into this; the isolation of men being a strict part of the role society shapes for their sex leaves them very vulnerable to death fetishes, in a sense, and generally towards self destructive violence. It helps funnel them away from substantial change and towards ineffectual change. Many things, misogyny, racism, serve to keep people isolated from one another, individualized, angry, and impossible to work with. Market segregation; god knows even appealing on those fronts has become such a classic ploy that companies do it now, the US military frames its plundering that way, etc.Ā
Iāve wandered a bit but ultimately, my point is this: Fight Club is a love letter to the horrors of critical thinking, and the importance of not falling into the trap of self destruction and hopelessness in the face of it. The latter is why Tyler was an anarchoterrorist instead of anything useful. The latter is why it was a death cult. Itās important to work through the horrors of critical thinking so you can do it, and stand on the other side ready to believe in each other. Itās worth it.
#fight club#my writing#uh. sorta#If you disagree with me it's fine btw. That's a given for me but I realize that's not usual for this website#my big desire is always to provoke thought and get people to think about why they think things#not necessarily to get them to agree with me. though obviously like any person i enjoy that#it was nice to type this out#also#aside from the prozac withdrawals mention and my own experience w memory loss (hilariously not even the most major of my beefs with the#medical industry! or even just the mental health industry! but its an easy nonoffensive one so#anyway i kept it nonspecific because if you go specific it becomes easier for people to just go 'oh well its That that's the problem and i#dont need to reflect at all on my drug/condition/issue/etc'#which ppl will anyway ofc. but yk#maybe theyll find it easier to ignore without the horrific specific examples but i want to leave it broad because 1. doing research and#going past the first thing you find and confirmation bias stuff is good 4 u#second. it's better imo to leave it more open for people to try and apply it broadly#whew ANYWAY#a bonafide Rant#i shouldve put#anti psychiatry#in the first few tags. i havent really looked on tumblr to see what the community 4 that is like on here because it feels like an oxymoron#on this website#but im sure it probably exists even if its used for smth else#(please change)
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do you think the mess in oshiros hotel is meant to signify that hes been letting his problems pile up until its become too overwhelming to handle.
im thinking about the fact that he's definitely the one who's been making the mess but he doesn't even realize it. he ignores the clutter until it becomes too hard to ignore you know? like when it starts actively blocking the way to the presidential suite. he insists that he and his staff will handle it and that madeline shouldn't clean up his own mess, but he still doesn't do anything about it. does he know that the staff is gone? that it's just him there?
mr oshiro is so hell bent on impressing madeline so that she'll stay in his hotel. he's so in denial of everything. he doesn't even realize he's dead, he still thinks his hotel never got shut down. I think his insistence on her staying is bc he really wants to believe that the hotel is open, and a costumer would affirm that belief. it could also maybe be a mixture of loneliness too. (also, him treating her as a costumer even after she says no is absolutely him being in denial. that man is very unhealthily attached to this hotel,)
and even though it was nice of madeline to clean it up, there's still parts of the hotel she can't fix. the plumbing. the windows. the, hole in the ceiling (oops.) she's not qualified to help him, and that's why I think the chapter ends on a bit of a sour note. madeline is of course not a bad person for wanting to help, the point is that she can't. it is unfortunate but true
anyways mr oshiro is a very good character i like him a regular amount. im normal about that old man
#celeste#celeste game#mr oshiro#oshiro celeste#character analysis#i guess ?#this is my first time making any post like this but i meeded to make it i need 2 talk about hom and his fuckin hotel !!!!!!!#one other thought i have is... i saw a few ppl say that mr oshiro manipulated madeline into cleaning or that he feigned incompetence ?#and i disagree with that. though this might just be me looking at jt w rose tinted glasses bc i do like him a lot#but first of all i dont think he couldve easily cleaned that whole mess himself. i know hes a ghost but like#there was stuff everywhere in the whole hotel.#not to mention he felt guilty when madeline did clean all that stuff up. of course it was also a little bit#because he didnt want to lose her as a customer#but he also obviously felt like that was his responsibility as the owner of the hotel and he felt fuckin bad about it#i could be wrong bc i dont remember everyting he said in that chapter but i dont think he ever asked her to clean either ?#and like yeah i think he can come off a little mean at times tbh#hes obviously going through some stuff. guysm cmon. he is not a bad person. none of these characters are. whevhhwveh#idk. i did my best here. *explodes*#thank you for listening to my insane rambles about peeing in a hot topic i hope u all have a goooood night#rambles#i honestly hope he gets a happy ending somewhat
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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go
(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)
#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill#well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst#like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made#bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you#but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings#and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste#there's no accounting for several things actually. tasteā biasā lore-knowledgeā differing levels of chronic-online-nessā etc#so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything#if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is#which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose#anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages#or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing#i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know#it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess#as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence#the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education#i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i saidā being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneckā¢ stereotype#sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen#there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions#like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity#like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem#but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.
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tgcf art is fun bc xl generally looks really nice and hc generally looks really mean. they just. complement each other lol. that's true love
#he looks mean if he's not looking directly at xl I should say#but it kind of boils down how simplistic the romance and love interest is#hc character traits: mean. good at stuff. sexy. SO so sexy. thinks he's ugly.#I don't think he even has internalized homophobia bc he's perfectly comfortable w his own desires once he knows they're reciprocated#and he proposes to and kisses xl before that comes out. but he's acutely aware of other people's judgement#and honestly. carving thousands of statues and painting thousands of portraits of your god#who you are also in love with IS a little weird. the self-insert smut š like it's fine I don't think he was evil for it#and it's something he did in a really tough time in his life that he never wanted anyone to see#but I can't disagree w fxmq. that IS a creepy thing to walk into#if mxtx had betrayed her romance fans to take a hard turn into psychological horror the way twilight should have#well. delicious#but alas. obsessive love really IS both desirable AND all you need to maintain a relationship#lmao.#in the same way I will always be a pratchett hater I will always be a hualian critic. what did my mutual say that one time#wangxian outsold!#and even wx isn't perfect in any adaptation it's just miles more interesting than whatever this is#I genuinely don't understand how ppl write so much fic or have them be their primary interest#there's just so little of substance there....#cor.txt
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rant <3
#so i told my friend im thinking abt engaging more in my christian community again starting w going to church more and visiti g exchanges etc#she kniws abt basically all my other friends being more than less religious and active in their respective communities#+ my family being religious even during soviet times and she even kniws abt the orthodox side of my family#so this shouldnt surprise her this much#why is she trying to talk me out of it saying christianity is evil and she cant agree to creationism like ok bitch me too#she acting as if im gonna become some republican american blonde woman or an primitive medieval peasant wthhh#and like i get it she and her family have always been agnostic and she doesnt have any personal experience with believe and faith#but that is even more reason to shut the hell up?? especially bc i just told her as like a life update i didnt want to start a discussion#w an agnostic no less#ppl like that make me so uncomfortable and then she kept saying things like this person is godless as a joke like stfu???#and kept bringing up she csnt believe in god at random times it made me so umcomfortable#especially bc now i feel hesitant to invite her to hangouts w my more 'strict' friends like idk what she thinks abt them and i dont want to#expose my friends who have to listen to enough shit to someone like that like i want my home to be a safe space for my friends#anyways thats the same girl who keeps telling me she doesnt think im white and when i tell her her saying this makes me uncomfortable#shes argues its ok bc she is not white herself ok wth im literally german/slavic how is that not white im crying#cant really articulate what exactly makes me uncomfy abt this but feels like she wants to enable me its really weird#also with tge christian stuff like ive always been religious she kniws abt me reading religious texts its so weird to me#why are you my friend if you disagree with a foundamental part of my life#maybe she thoight i was an ok one bc me and my familys approach to believe and faith is very relaxed but wth man
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it's always rlly funny coming back from a break from this hellsite bc i usually accumulate followers in my months long absences, but as soon as i start posting my opinions and hottakes i lose like 10+ followers within a few days š«¶š¼
#i'm not gonna stop tbh bc it's my blog and i'm inherently an opinionated bastard :)#as a teen i used to be pretty afraid of offending mutuals and longtime followers but now that i'm a certified hater and a block#button addict? I Understand Now. unfollowing someone who you don't vibe w/ or blocking annoying ppl is so cathartic!#i havent cared abt followers since i hit like 500 on this blog yrs back. most of my followers are probs inactive at this point so its just#a number. also i get less ppl sending me messages or asks after i shatter their conception that they know me by posting smthn they disagree#with. it's verging on parasocial when a loyal follower gets on my ass so that's always a bit annoying tbh#that said there's a BIG gap between calling me out on something i did wrong vs a simple difference of opinion abt like ao3 donations or#fandom drama in my mind. i welcome the former and actively disapprove of the latter. also: if you don't vibe with any of my opinions feel#free to unfollow or block!! i block a lot of ppl and you shouldn't feel like you HAVE to follow me if i start posting stuff you dislike!#i prommy i won't be offended in the least!#len speaks
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seeing some of the tag commentary on one of my posts atm and like. .../exhale, I acknowledge I could have been clearer re: jyl's presence at the nightless city massacre. no, she doesn't just run dramatically through armed conflict like she does in cql, u got me. mea culpa. however:
1) jyl was not the focus of that post--jgy was;
2) yes, I realize it wasn't supposed to be a battlefield (like most fields where battles take place). but it becomes one because wwx shows up and turns it into one;
3) after scattering wq's ashes, jgs makes it pretty clear that the rest of the wen remnants are going to be wiped out imminently--like, tomorrow, if we take him at his word. and when wwx hears jyl calling out for him after the fighting breaks out, even he's shocked that she's at the pledge conference. from ch 78 of the EXR translation:
Suddenly, amid the battle noises, Wei WuXian heard a faint voice.
The voice was shouting, āA-Xian!ā
Like a bucket of ice-cold water, the voice doused the vile flames raging within his heart.
Jiang YanLi?
When did she come to the pledge conference?!
Wei WuXian was immediately half dead with fright. He couldnāt care about the fight with Lan WangJi any longer and put down Chenqing, āShijie?!ā
anyway /waves arms, I guess this is what I get for making one (1) tongue-in-cheek comment about jyl in a post that is otherwise not at all about jyl.
#salty peak sect š§#i'm not actually that annoyed about this tbh#i don't mind disagreement or discussion or to have stuff i'm wrong about pointed out to me#which is i hope something i've demonstrated frequently on my blog#this however feels um. a bit pedantic.#i was being glib because jyl being considered one of jgy's victims is absurd#and i am glib about things that i think are absurd#also as a side-note#if you are actually sorry about hijacking a post it is completely within your power to not hijack it#i don't apologize for reblogging bad takes because i'm not sorry for doing it#if it ends up in the tags it's fair game#like. reblog me to disagree w/ me that's fine but why apologize for doing the thing while you are doing it
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okay wah oh i remembered the Outfit Interest. man i need to find more fashion youtubers that dont suck
#i found a girlie posting these incredible shorts talking about like. shopping for quality vs aesthetics#she covered brands that are considered more high end but still affordable-ish in canada and the us#and fuck she Knew what she was talking about i was so obsessed. i actually learned a lot from her !!!#one thing i remember rn is like. her advice for buying sequin dresses and tops and stuff#and how you gotta like. look at the edges and the seams to make sure the sequins arent gonna drive u insane in like 2 hours max#anyway yeah she was smart. when i checked the rest of her videos she was obsessing over skincare and retinol and botox. ugh#my favourite fashion youtuber started doing vlog content after she graduated from uni and now im FUCKED...#theres this one ange girlie and god her fashion advice is so good but i . really disagree w some of her beliefs wow#her winter fashion video was good. OH ALSO i liked what she said about slavic women in her winter bimbo guide (that title tho... ugh)#ahhh idk what am i talking about. tiktok of a woman in fashion uni styling her set of armour for a whole week save meee...#voidcore.txt
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no because what i dont understand is why people on ao3 intentionally seek out triggers/dark fics/dead dove, knowing full well that they dont like that type of content, just to leave mean comments? like its literally free to mind your business
and ao3 LITERALLY has a system for filtering tags/fics you dont want to see???? why not... utilize it? curate ur experience? i love me a good dark fic/dead dove but i also have my Squicks and u know what i do... i exclude tags in my search
idk i just think some people are addicted to drama and literally just need to mind their business š "oh no this triggered me!!!" filter the fucking tags then and stop engaging in this weirdo form of self harm just to start shit??? and if someone didnt tag their fic properly tell them????? and if they dont listen??? BLOCK/MUTE THEM????? HELLO?
#this is my contribution to discourse for this fiscal quarter#I JUST DONT GET IT#i dont#i hate 'discourse' specifically because it never ends it is a battle that cant be won#i miss my early fic days on ffnet where dont like dont read was commonplace lmao#ao3 literally gives you these tools so you can find precisely what you want to read#theres some weirdo shit i dont like reading however it deserves a space to exist and ao3 is literally the place for it#and if you at ur core disagree w that then BY ALL MEANS go back to ffnet and be inundated with ads#theres stuff i wish ppl wouldnt post but also. idk their life. maybe theyre traumatized and this is how they cope. its not my business#lord knows i cope through writing. and id rather do that than drinking myself into oblivion lol#i used to seek out content that triggered me just to be a jerk about it and literally#it was self harm. it was doing me no good. it was stressing me out and putting me in this state of being triggered and absolutely it wasnt-#-helping whatever issues i have. it wasnt productive in my healing.#and like i know why people are like this. but also ur doing it to urself if u seek this content out on purpose#at that point i have no sympathy because its a choice you are making. stop seeking out certain content if its going to trigger you.
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we have moved on to persuasive speeches in comm class n bc we have so little time left in the semester they're gonna be partner debates, so i have grouped up with the guy in there with whom i started talking abt genshin a while back, n we're just like. "fuck it. let's just do the ethics of gacha games and whether they should be regulated like gambling in casinos"
#which is a very broad topic n i know we're not gonna touch on everything in the ten minutes we'll be allotted#so in my head i'm like running through the arguments you always see online#n it's fun to discuss too bc since we're both familiar w/gacha culture those aspects also feel like important things to discuss as well#bc like. on paper you can present gacha games as harmless bc you ''don't have'' to spend money on it if you have the self-restraint#and there Are kids who grew up playing these things who learned restraint along the way#n are able to engage w/these kinds of things with healthy boundaries n limits n stuff#n like kids Shouldn't be playing gacha games; many people say that the target audience of gacha games are kids but that's like.#that's literally not true. the target audience of gacha games are the whales who are all adults.#just bc they often attract the attention of kids as a side thing doesn't mean they're necessarily Made for them#but that doesn't negate the fact that hey! there ARE a lot of kids who can someday be harmed by this *as collateral*#and just bc they're not the target audience doesn't mean it's okay to just ignore them bc there are so many#(also the fact that gacha ecosystems revolve around balancing the needs of whales n f2p complicates this further)#(in order to keep the whales happy you have to keep your f2p around or else there's no one for the whales to flex on)#(so in a sense f2p are kind of like live bait to keep whales around)#(it doesn't matter who or what the f2p/low spenders are; as long as you have bottom feeders around to make up majority of players)#n since kids tend to have a lot of passion and spare time they often get pulled into games like gnshn which can unlock gambling addictions#since there's basically not a lot of oversight it's really easy for them to fall into bad patterns just bc of gacha culture n stuff#anyway since we have similar views we're both chill with taking either side of this debate presentation#i think we're both of the opinion that there is Something that has to be done but we're sympathetic to the people who disagree#simply bc we've both experienced this shit From The Inside#č±č©±
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mission failed weāll get em next time ššššššššš
#i literally canāt quit omg i feel so fucking bad. it wasnāt so bad this time but also HE LITERALLY FORCED ME TO COME OUT LKKE GIRL HELLO???#he cornered me and asked me if redacted had to do w my s*duality and i was like ummmmm. yeah š«£ and he was like now why didnāt you say that#the first time š¤Ø and i was like ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦. š³. AND THEN i asked him why he asked me that and he said heās been waiting for the right moment to ge#it out of me and he always suspected it LIKE HELLO I THINK THAT IS POSSIBLY WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE I WANTED TO DIEEEEEE#and i lied right to his face abt stuff w my mom and also the redacted situation bc i always feel in trouble whenever i talk abt them w him#and also he asked how things were w my mom and i told him and he was like thatās great but how are things with YOU and yoir mom š¤Ø. UGHHHHH#and i canāt leave bc his supervisor is gravely ill and they havenāt talked abt doing inter generational therapy w me yet which is what they#want to do <- hasnāt looked it up yet and doesnāt know what it receals about me. and he also is like yet agai. trying to get me to separate#myself from data expunged AND ITS LIKE OMGGGG NOTHING IS HAPPENING WHY DO I HAVE TO THROW AWAY A GOOD THING THAT IS WORKING FOR ME JUST FOR#THE SAKE OF CONFORMING TO SOME STUOID MENTAL HEALJT STANDARD. so yeah ummmmm idk what to dooooo i know im not getting the best possible car#and this whole thing has been a cluster fuck but he validated my reaction to something for the first time like EVER today and he has plans#and what if they work. and like omg if i drop it on him heāll be so hurt and surprised like it will really come out of nowhere and i donāt#want to look like even more of a fool to him than iam. but he says i canāt withhold stuff bc itās doing me a disservice and we need to see#the fullness of who i am to get to the root and solve problems and stuff but itās like uhmmmmā¦ but you donāt make me feel safe for reacting#the way i do or wanting things to work out in a way you disagree with so how can i bring out all the parts of me if you donāt make me feel#safe and unjudged for doing so like. lol. the thought of leaving him makes me feel so guilty and stupid bc it s like why are you throwing a#away sliding scale therapy that could turn out to be really useful and running away when ppl tell you things abt yourself you donāt like to#admit and force you to look at your hard ugly truths. but also the thought of working w him until july after already having had 16 weeks of#this literaly makes me fucking insane so idk what to do and finding a new counselor would be so hard and i donāt have time or money. UGHHHH#purrs#delete later#like how am i gonna walk out on him when we just spent all this time talking abt how this new technique will bring me into a new season. AU
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Was tlaking to my bf about my issues w tumblr and he was like "yeah, ever since they got rid of porn neo nazis have been trying to take over the site" and i think that just makes everything make so much more sense on here. The puritanism, the division, the intentional misunderstanding, the fact ppl act like kiwi farmers and fucking. Record people they dont likes every fuckin action. Ppl making excuses for some of the most fucked up behavior. The fact i feel like i cant post my art lest i be hella judged for being #problematic in a way i dont know or understand, the fact ppl are so quick to call people problematic and dismiss them, the way people call you a "lib" like a conservative would and especially for things like idk. Not wanting to kill people. The fact we've somehow normalized saying "kys" to eachother, the fact everyones so fucking paranoid on here about eachother. Like Idk if i feel like i can call this a progressive site anymore or if i can even call it leftist when ppl are like speedrunning trying to prove horseshoe theory true and its like. Are they even real leftists? Probably some of them are or were and get swept up in bs secret neo nazis post. And its not like this is entirely new, neo nazis have been trying to manipulate people since forever on here. I just wish people could recognize when their morals have been compromised by a jackass whos good at wording things a certain way. Im starting to feel like the only way to interact w this site is to reblog pretty pictures and go.
#you may hate vaush but fr when i used to watch him.... a lot of the ways people have 'discussions' on here seems the same when he would#confront neo naizs. theyd try to weasel out of their positions or pretend they dont hold certain positions or try to manipulate leftists in#a way like 'ooh but this thing negatively effects queer people' but it was always easy to see through then bc you already knew#they were neo nazis. on here anyone can throw on a cutesy avatar and get away w saying the most fucked up shit and no one is#none the wiser. like neo nazis can just fucking hide in plain sight bc they know how to mimic how we look and act#while also trying to impront on us some of the most fucked up ideals.#idk. for example. anyone trying to act like theres a moral way to rape someone? probably a fucking neo nazi!#this website and the people on it are so untrustworthy and it sucks bc it can be hard to know whos actually on your side#this is why im an actions not words guy. they might be able to say stuff in a way that appeals to them but what are their *actions*.#how do their beliefs work out when they exercise them? how do they treat other people? does it seem like they want amy excuse to be violent#bc golly fuckin gee does that sound like a neo nazi to me.#the fact people seem way more grounded in leftism offline and not so... divisive. even if we disagree on stuff. kinda tells me everything?#bc if ur really a leftist why does that attitude suddenly change when you get online?
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im ngl the way some ppl on this site talk abt christianity is really baffling
#myposts#text of kin#my whole life ive been an atheist#with a strongly ex-catholic anti-theist mother and even she would disagree w some of the shit said abt christians on here#nevermind that like. im pretty sure people will just straight up lie about stuff thats a 'christian thing' or not#idk i dont actually think christianity is the bogeyman its made out to be#and i really struggle to think that im someone who at all FAIR to christians. trust me that i hate christians#its just like. comically absurd at a certain point#are you absolutely sure that its an exclusively christian thing to do squints social control? they invented and are the only ppl to do that?#youre sure? alright well if youre sure!#and im also completely sidestepping like. possible critiques to be offered to other religious structures. like even without saying#'hey its not the only bad one'. its literally gotten to a point just w christianity that some of u sound insane#honestly id love to see more. well frankly interesting discussions abt christianity happening on here#where is the investigation of christianitys role in colonialism? the discussion of the systemic violence its many forms have legitimized#it honestly seem like this site is hung up on#the role christianity plays in american politics and making that the end all be all#of both american politics and the effects christianity has had on the world--even just the political world#perhaps its naive of me to think this website would care abt anywhere other than american nevermind nonwestern contexts but. idk#it smacks to me of....ex christians particularly white ones making themselves into the only and biggest victims of it#which i would know because. again. anti-theist ex-catholic mother ive lived my whole life with.#idk how true that is. thats what it reads like to me largely#but i recognize for it to even read that way to me its getting parsed through my experience w my mom so thats a bias i know i have#all this to say. damn i hate christians but some of yall hate christians so much i think youve just started lying#and then also centering your particular experience of christians in an american WASP context#rather than discussing like any other (worse) form of harm christianity has been party to in say the global south
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@jiksvokrat
I'm normal I'm normal I'm normal I'm normal I'm norm--
#IM SEEING YOU SOOOONNN#I BROUGHT THE BANDANA AND EVERYTHINGGG#twas very funny my stepmom helped me pack so she was like Very Strict about stuff since i dont have a lot of space#but i was like I HAVE TO BRING THE BANDANA.#and she was like ā??ā#and i explained it#and it takes up gen no space#so she was like okay ig#JFKGKGF#ALSO#brought polaroid camera B)#she also disagreed w me taking it but i overruled bc that was gen my fav part of the nyc meetup#polaroids are so fun rahshshsh
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honest to god i love watching bg3 discourse so much
i only really have an issue when we start throwing around character alignments and their inherent morality cause like the characters do have alignments thats how dnd works and bg3 is just dnd in video game, it has the mechanics even when its not obvious
like minthara now being recruitable w/o burning the grove is a disservice to that imo. but enough ppl wanted her without wanting to be 'evil' so. but it makes ppl able to compare like her and asta as which is 'more evil' like thats not how this works. they are still dnd characters and their 'level of badness' is just a personification of their alignment. some ppl feel chaotic characters are worse than neutral or lawful characters no matter their 'good' 'neutral' or 'evil' status
also pls guys dnd is not exactly a very progressive game, of course a neutral character supporting slavery isnt enough for them to be evil. the entire drow race is rooted in racism. you literally constantly get comments in game depending on the race you play.
#idk i just dont get why the morality of the characters is debated like this#ive mostly seen asta and minthars being compared and its just#like minthara was raised in an 'evil' sect and didnt disagree w it she was cast out#there is a difference and she makes constant comments abt you and her taking over the cult of the absolute for yourselves#i love her so much and she is evil aligned#i love all the characters tbh my funky little idiots#most of the discourse is just fun to watch but that has been irking me#we shouldnt just forget that this is based on dnd mechanics which also means their alignments#which is why as you start developing your alignment you get stuff closed off to you from the other side#potato posts
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