#it's how i feel and y'all keep asking
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Have you read the latest script of K&J's podcast about the Michael episode? I'm very interested in hearing your thoughts. They were talking about Jenna acting out and being forced to take time off. And they mentioned being upset because other people were acting out and getting storylines or being given time off to do other things. The later one is def about D since he went to do the musical but I can't believe he would act out for that, it's like totally OOC.
Same anon as before as I was just finishing to read the script. They did indeed talk about Darren being written off and I'm debating if I should listen this time because the way it's written they seem very jealous of him. I'm getting upset by just reading this. So I'm still very curious about your thoughts about it if and when you have the chance to read/listen to it.
I actually figured you guys were all tired of my opinions, lol.
Yes, I did kind of skim the transcript this morning because I saw people talking about it and was curious. And, I have a lot of complicated feelings about the whole thing.
First of all, though, I say this with love to all the Blaine and Darren fans out there -- Kevin and Jenna are never going to be able to be objective when doing this podcast. I keep thinking about all the other rewatch podcasts I listen to, and how all of them - even when discussing things that were hard to go through and/or things that weren't that great with the show - have a level of decorum that Kevin and Jenna just do not have. I do not know why they began this podcast, but digging into the show on a media analysis level just is not where their talents lie.
(Also, I don't think they love Glee the way those other podcasters genuinely love their show and that just colors how they see things. I'll get more into this in a moment...)
And I get that it's frustrating. Believe me, I do. There are plenty of Kurt things they do not talk about that drive me nuts. But at the same time, I feel like the 'recaps' have boiled down to praising Naya, Amber, and themselves; commentating on whatever BTS stuff comes up, and discussing shit on TikTok. I'm not sure why they're even bothering with the 'recaps', tbh.
But guys - if this podcast is upsetting you, if you're finding yourself this anxious or mad or whatever -- it's time to stop. They're not going to change how they do things, and at this point, I'm not entirely sure what you're waiting for from them? Maybe it's time to stop hate listening <3 <3
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As for the acting out -- I think a lot of the cast probably did. I'm sure Lea was a terror to work with at times. I'm sure Mark probably wasn't easy either. I know Naya spoke up on a lot of things -- though the producers didn't take as much issue with her until the Season 5 drama. Chris was pretty vocal about choices with his character. I can imagine Amber being just as frustrated with Mercedes' lack of anything to do. Didn't Heather say she kept it all inward? And what about Diana who really seems to not ever want to talk about Glee again?
So - who knows what acting out means, tbh.
Keeping all of this in context -- this cast was very tired by the time Season 3 came around. There were too many characters to service, they keep adding ones in, and they were all very young. (And for those of you who are experiencing your early 20s right now? I hate to say this to you -- but you are all still very young.) Added on the fact that the producers clearly did not understand their mental health needs (as evident about how apologetic Ryan Murphy seems to be about all of it) you get a lot of young people expressing their frustration in a lot of different ways over a lot of different things.
I think that Jenna has some very, very complicated feelings about the show -- and in particular about this era because this is where she had a rather big break down. You know what, I do feel for her, because I can see where she's coming from. I can't imagine - feeling like you're tied to a job where everyone around you seems to be getting a better deal than you, and you're trying to be the nice one, and eventually, holding all of that inwardly will make you crack. I'm glad she went to therapy. I kinda hope she's still going to therapy because it seems as though a lot of this is still bothering her.
And I don't really think that Darren, specifically, is ultimately what led to Jenna's breakdown. I think it was a lot of things compounding on each other and Darren on Broadway might have been the last straw that caused her to crack.
I will say (again with all the love to Darren, I adore the guy) there was underground talk that when Darren first got there - he didn't exactly handle his newfound fame in the most eloquent of ways -- in that he was a little on the pompous side. But again, that was age, and by the time Season 4 came around, by all accounts that I came across, he was friends with everyone.
That said - none of this is Darren's fault. It's not Darren's fault that Ryan Murphy handled his young cast and their mental health very badly. It's not Darren's fault that he jumped on opportunities when they arose. It's not Darren's fault that through his natural talents Blaine became a way more popular character than half the original cast. And it's not Darren's fault that Jenna has her own shit to deal with.
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So, yeah...
I guess those are my thoughts.
And I'm still here enjoying Kurt, Blaine, Chris, and Darren -- and believe it or not, a lot of the show in general. And I don't really listen to Kevin and Jenna's podcast anymore because they just don't care about the things I do -- and that's fine.
#and that's how s.o. sees it#my opinions are surely going to get me into trouble again#it's how i feel and y'all keep asking#i feel like i have more to say but at what point am i repeating myself?
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Just noticed that Jean and Barbara have crosses on their outfits and. I’m kinda confused? To my knowledge Barbatos. Doesn’t really have any crosses? Or crucifixion? The only thing I can think of is the narcissenkreuz thing but. That’s mostly just the name. Who spread Christianity to teyvat?? The thought is. Genuinely baffling to me.
idk i'm not an expert on mondstadt lore 😭 not even the nuns nor the cathedral has them so maybe it's a thing of those sisters? like maybe it's not something to do with christianity since y'know crosses exist outside of that obviously- but more of like a little token between them??? idk man (gn)
#for as much as mondstadt gets discussed here i feel like i might've understated how comparatively little i care about mondstadt#next to the other regions#so like i genuinely have no clue#like of course it baffles me that it's essentially the USA#and that the lore seems incomplete#but do i actually think about mondstadt often? no. this is all bc y'all keep asking interesting questions#and enabling the few specific things i do have to say about it hahah
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I know I'm probably gonna end up on someone's 'kill it with fire' list for this, but I am so tired of each and every ask lately being someone's desperate plea for help.
I have neither the money to help, nor the energy to go through the vetting process of figuring out which request is legit and which isn't, so I can't just post them either, because I refuse to aid in someone's attempt to use other people's goodwill against them. scams are still a thing, and sadly enough people will use any opportunity to benefit from someone else's misery.
so please stop sending me these. I get at least three a day and if this doesn't stop I'm gonna have to turn off asks which sucks because I like talking to people. I just.. I can't anymore. I am exhausted, mentally and more importantly emotionally, and I just don't have the bandwidth to deal with this right now.
#yes I know people are suffering. yes I know they need help. but the ten people a day who see my posts don't have money either#if posting this means that some of y'all are disappointed in me or angry and decide to unfollow or whatever - sure. go ahead#it's not that I don't care. but I am barely clawing my way back into being a person atm and I just can't. I'm barely coping as is#so do what you feel is necessary (block. unfollow. whatever) and know that I feel like shit every time I delete an ask or block a blog.#(it doesn't help that everyone keeps posting about how easy it is to check and vet submissions bc guess what - it isn't#it still takes a toll emotionally and some of us have enough to deal with already)#so yeah. if the ask button goes away then know that it's not that I don't want to engage or listen to what y'all have to say#I just need to make sure that I'll be alright at the end of the day and that means boundaries even if they suck to enforce
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I need to be more insane abt platonic relationships actually
#ramblings#always feels like there’s too much shipping in the sonic fandom. we should be more insane abt platonic relationships to compensate#especially platonic relationships that don't fit the norm#ones that aren't easily defineable by terms like 'friend' or 'family' or 'teammate' or stuff like that#or rivalries. this fandom absolutely loves its enemies/rivals to lovers (cough cough sonic and shadow cough)#but what about rivals to friends. rivals to friendly rivals? rivals to straight up enemies that fucking hate each other#the possibilities are endless and yet. we keep treading the same ground when it comes to character relationships#especially when romance is involved#idk we need to get more creative with how we portray character relationships in fanon#bc canon already has a lot of interesting dynamics going on y'all just don't explore them all that much#i could turn this into like an ask game or something. like send me two characters and i'll describe what their relationship is like#that could be fun. anyways
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Tuvok & B’Elanna - Poor Coping Mechanisms - Vicious Cycles “You need to find some other way to deal with this” “I don’t know how.”
Heavy Balloon by Fiona Apple // Lady Lazarus by Sylvia Plath // Stubborn love by the Lumineers // New York Movie by Edward Hopper // under the burden of adversity by Theodor Axentowicz // Birthday Present by Sylvia Plath (cut)
#web weaving#people who keep engaging in situations that they know will harm them#people who don't believe others really care/know enough about them to recognize or care about the above#vulcan who feels and klingon who doesn't <- both as a result of trauma#<- both trying to remedy this alone through methods which only harm them more#people who lost their entire family and themselves with it#mind melds as self harm/self soothing (two in one)#I'm sorry that this is sort of a puzzle but HEHEHEHE -shrugs- ummm sorry <3#people who feel empty#st voyager#B'Elanna#Tuvok#star trek web weaving#I dearly hope y'all pick up what I'm putting down but if not....feel free to shoot me an ask#B'Elanna Torres#Tuvok (lying) It's important I know why you killed that man. Don't ask why or how it's important. Let's meld right now.#Suder: (known murderer) Isn't that super dangerous fo-#Tuvok: Yeah 100% it is but I can take it. Let's Meld.#something something risk and belief#the risk is worth it because.......x <- 'x' is multiple things#a lack of care for one's own life - valuing others above themselves - a need to feel something etc#someone thought this is about shipping - it is NOT ... it is paralells#people who won't ever let a wound heal
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I love Dustin’s My Little Pony Hypothesis so much!! He’s literally doing the opposite of gatekeeping nerd spaces with it! It’s so kind! To not go “actually you must prove your niche knowledge of my interests to prove you belong in my circle” and instead say “your interests, although not my interests exactly (even though he must have watched it to know all this lol bro), are similar enough to make us siblings whether you want to or not.” And in turn Erica realizes that that’s a good thing! That’s a connection and love!! That she is a nerd and that’s good. And it’s so emblematic of the show!! Which doesn’t just have nerds being bullied for being nerds but very deliberately makes its nerds Black, disabled, female and queer!! Making it this thing that people regardless of who they are can bond over! It’s a love letter to all this nerd stuff but it also says this stuff is for all! And that means all and not just white cishte dudebros on reddit! And that’s just so!!!! Hello! I love you!!!!!
#byler#because y'all get it#dustin henderson#stranger things#number one underrated st moment#it's literally the thesis of the show. I love it so much#like not all of them like nerd shit in the same way. Max doesn't play dnd but she does love video games. El isn't into any of it but she#loves that her friends love it. Joyce doesn't understand but she still keeps asking. Nancy used to play! And even Steve#bless his preppy heart. loves making lightsaber noises and ewoks. And they're all just as welcome in this group and in this space#kissing the duffers on the mouth rn#imagine me stimming so hard my hands lift my body of the floor. because this is how i feel. cannot wait for s5 to go all out on this#(also side note Eddie and Henry are so interesting in this regard!!! Gatekeepers get stitches!)
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the image of ratsequel quinn being so resigned that he's going to love brady for always and nothing will come of it, such delicious angst, so painful... I haven't found a fic that makes him cry yet and I feel like this would get him close...
so resigned! so resigned that he comes all the way back around to thinking it doesn't matter! because he's accepted it will never happen which is the same as being over it, right???
i do love to make a boy cry in a fanfiction..... i got so spoiled writing tnno because dylan is a real life easy crier and now i have all these other boys and i have to EARN the crying. i am not deep enough into the ratsequel yet to know what the crying content might or might not be but i can promise a lot of feelings!!!
#ask#hockey for ts#ratsequel#i deeply love & appreciate all of y'all's enthusiam & excitement truly i mean that#but i feel like i need to emphasize how very much in the beginning stages of writing this i am#it's going to take me a long time to write it!!#ily all just trying to manage expectations and keep the pressure on myself low ❤❤❤
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something is telling me the kink is sensory related........... laugh related perhaps even......
listen motherfucker just because I was convinced to have a tickling kink by one of my mutuals (who I have a LIGHT!!! LIGHT CRUSH!!!! on) doesn't mean you are right. these are different faggots okay
#asked and answered#im so sorry if either of the two mooties im referencing here don't like that word#I'm pretty sure youre both okay with it but im always a lil anxious using it online in reference to others lol#but no its not them#but i do think they are one of the hottest people ive ever met and i am honored to be their friend#god how did we get here this all started because i made a funny haha joke about trauma dumping IM BEING INTERROGATED#having fun tho lol#keeping information like this from y'all when you want it SO bad makes me feel so bratty hehehehehehhe#like what are you gonna do to make me talk???#ask questions i cant shut up
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I'm not going to pretend it doesn't make me angry that I spend months and years trying to peddle my work to make ends meet, that I spend so much time mentioning my books and comms and everything, and people ignore that consisently... But the moment I finally break under the hopelessness - when it's obvious that it's fucking futile, that almost no one deems my work good enough to share with anyone else - suddenly they're concerned and scolding me. I'm working several jobs, bathing, generally keeping things clean, and I do this with several health problems including chronic pain. I found out that one of my cysts is growing and I may need to have it surgically removed. Which means potentially missing work to recover. Which means more money I lose. I spend so much time crawling out of the hole and it goes ignored, but the moment I just give up bc I don't have any strength left, suddenly that's my fault and I'm mentally sick. And that kind of makes me wish my entire situation upon people, and when they whine that it's hard, well fuck you, you thought I could ace it so surely you can, babe! I hate being angry about this, but it's just so exhausting to tell people who accuse me of not trying that I HAVE I HAVE SO FUCKING HARD AND YOU DID NOT PAY ATTENTION THEN Or you know you're attempting to gaslight me by claiming I didn't try despite that I obviously have worked my ass off trying, and that's so much fucking worse
#mcalhen personal#and I'm not saying I'm not mentally ill but ffs stop using it as a weapon to discredit people when they have the solutions right there#feels like people hate my writing and me and that's why I didn't go “I got the job” bc friends who never support me would be like#“I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU CONGRATS” cool I'm not I spend an entire day usually recovering from very calm shifts at a job I like#but the moment I publish a book it's not congrats it's I don't know this guy I don't know Cal and I'm gonna pretend I never saw anything#I don't even hate my goddamn job even tho it can be stressful but it's the easiest thing for mostly just 2 days a week#but it is not sustainable and I cannot survive on this and disability would be invasive as hell and y'all don't know shit about how they#treat disabled people in this country but goddamn I have watched that shit unfold with my autistic brother who can't work#and I can never help him at this rate#bc I can't help myself#I can't help anyone#and saying that is a big fucking issue with people who think if they say 'it gets better keep going' I'll magically unfuck my life#as if I haven't spent the entirety of my life trying to unfuck things#as if I didn't give myself an education in spite of my family#y'all never been threatened with physical violence bc you weren't supposed to ask for school supplies and it fucking SHOWS#I have learned so many things on my own time out of sheer desire to better myself and my situation#but at a point where nothing works out and each day is just filled with more bad news#at what point am I actually allowed to give up?#or am I supposed to just keep this up until I die with 40 more years of collected bullshit pain#bc if you want me to live like this for 40 years then... you never cared at all#and what's so stupid is that I really want to earn my living by doing the work#I work on my art and writing but let's just admit that it's pathetic already#no mental health services or pills will erase that I'm a pathetic garbage can of uselessness#also I realize no one owes me anything like boosting my work or w/e#but also don't ask me to turn rotten ingredients into a feast and say I'm not trying when I can't fucking do it
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I keep forgetting I can't seem to get the current version of xkit to work on my new laptop and going to do stuff that it let me do fjldksafjdlsaj
#text post#im p sure the mutual marker thing was a feature w/them bc i'm missing them on everyone that#as far as I know I was still a mutual with#then again I did drop like. fifteen followers over the last week#but that usually happens whenever I start actually posting my personal thoughts on my personal blog lmao#have also gotten a few messages both politely and not so politely asking me to essentially shut the fuck up re: my personal posts#idk what to tell y'all on that bc like. i have a lot of folks I follow n' enjoy who post just as much /even more than me re: personal stuff#I think im just particularly irritating even when I'm trying really hard not to be and try to edit my posts down/keep them under readmores#but im trying to be better#not trying hard enough tho apparently and this tag essay probably won't help but. idk.#i think we're all allowed to be as irritating/post as much personal stuff as we want on our blogs#but i also think im still operating uselessly on how tumblr was a few years ago. ppl don't like that anymore it seems#and that's okay but I gotta work on catching up to that and do better#anyway. it's possible i did lose most of my mutuals and tbh it's not a big deal it's just a lot of ppl at once like. damn.#makes me wonder what the last straw was just out of curiosity#bc if that's really what happened then im down to like. maybe three or four mutuals left and it hasn't been that low since I first started#on here back in like. tail end of hs beginning of college#I also keep missing the quick reblog feature which was my fave but. someday I will figure out why xkit isn't working for me#and i will fix it. at a time when im not sick and feeling cruddy lol
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I love being called a librarian.
#it was a childhood dream/hope of mine to one day become a librarian#as like a job to pay my bills & other adult stuff#but i think this is just as good#maybe even better#since i'm helping the community in a way#i don't know if this makes sense#i got an ask calling me that & it made me feel really happy#i'm pretty sure i've been called it before#but i guess my brain just didn't click for some reason#thank you to everybody that has wished me a good day or night#that has said how much they enjoy having this blog around#that has said that this blog got them back into reading#y'all keep me going & wanting to keep running this blog#i still can't believe that over 100 people are following this blog#seeing the authors that i've recommnded reblogging the posts that they're in#it makes me so happy#this is getting so sappy#but i appreciate y'all so much#i have so many thoughts#but words aren't coming to me#not a fic rec#mod sleepy
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#6 hours and i'm trying not to feel sad about my domestic prompt i posted today but#sometimes as really any creative person will tell you it's hard to feel like you're doing something people are interested in because#of numbers which i hate the numbers game#but idk 6 hours and 35 notes is kinda sad for me i guess#i'm not asking for pity reblogs and know people often also put this stuff in queues#but idk#i'm also post-period so i think i'm in my silly sads#bc i'm still grateful for any like or reblog and the people who write very kind things in the comments and stuff#like y'all i love y'all sometimes i do a lil screencap and shove it in my 'silly sads' folder to read when i feel like this#idk. i know my art isn't for everyone and suptober i don't use a lot of colors and their noses are big and maybe i'm not as expressive as#i'd like to be with my figures and faces and art in general but idk#i'm in my ~*silly sads*~ i jut don't know how to like idk#i hate talking about this bc in one voice I'll sound SUPER ungrateful for people who usually always like comment or share my stuff and i'm#NOT whatsoever ungrateful like i said i store you in my silly sads folder lol y'all are the whole reason why i keep drawing#i just wish i knew how to feel like an artist i guess
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Hiii! Just wanted to share that today I’ll be thinking about these moments/pictures 😌✨💕
also you mentioned how they watched LOTR together (and I decided they did) and it reminded me of this:
aaaaaaaaaaaaaa 😭😭😭💕💖💗💞💖💕💞💗
are y'all looking at how Aleksi is holding Olli in the screencaps from Posse?? because I am and I haven't stopped thinking about that moment ever since it happened two (?!) years ago 🥺😭
may we also consider these moments while we're at it:
why are they crushing on each other so hard I'm going insane 😭😭😭😭😭
#imagine them on a movie date night 🥺#either at the cinema where they end up sort-of-holding hands in the dark but can't really because all the others are right there#and they don't want to attract the others' attention and listen to their teasing#maybe they find it hard to focus on the movie because it's just so nice to focus on the softenss of the other's hand instead#and the other smells so nice too they had to fight back the urge to lean against their shoulder 😭#or at home they could just cuddle on the couch with snacks and a blanket#aleksi would keep asking olli questions about the LOTR universe and olli would be so patient answering them (it would be his pleasure)#aleksi may not be that interested. he just loves listening to olli talk about the stuff he's passionate about 😭#and olli may feel a tad jealous when aleksi says he thinks [insert LOTR character] is ''kinda hot'' but oh honeyyyy#aleksi will make sure olli knows just how hot aleksi thinks he is after the movie 😌#(aragorn is undeniably the hottest but i wanted to give y'all some freedom of choice regarding that in case some of you have bad taste)#ollixallu#answered asks#sparfloxacin
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i'm hurt 🥲
#it's been 8 years and i still dream of my best friend who i was in love with in high school#last night was way too much though#like i met him again and replayed all the memories we had.. like dancing around in the rain#and since it was raining i told him to dance with me again even though it felt different#i knew he didn't feel shit for me bc he rejected me back in hs too but when i started talking about another guy he did NOT like it#and he admitted it... questioned me about him and then we kissed ???#he told me to call him every now n then bc up until now it was always just him calling. like the jealousy was SO OBVIOUS#we kind of get together.. literally my 18 y/o's dream coming true like y'all i was SO IN LOVE WITH HIM LMAO#and then i ask him 'be honest did you feel something for me back in hs' and he just won't answer 🥲 keeps dodging the question...#suggests smth that sounds like a yes but then i woke up 😐#i just wanted to let this out... idk it's crazy to me that even after all those years i still think of him#like if he approached me today and asked me out i just KNOW i'd give in. even though it's been almost a decade. i would definitely give in#first loves.. especially unrequited ones... leave an impact fr#my dream sounded like a fic i'd like to come true but well that's not how life works#anyways i'm just sentimental lol tdl ??#personal
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Also just a heads up: you can send literally whatever at any time!!
I haven't interacted much on here yet cause we've been cooking some stuff up, and I want this to be interesting -- even though believe me, I know we wouldn't need any help with that
#idk y'all should I have like#vague themes every week or so?#or like idk how to keep it kinda fresh#not that I've done much searching; but I feel like there isn't going to be too many ask memes that are kinda relevant yknow?
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#bro seeing the positivity asks like six times on the dash and not getting even one is straight up not a good time#if y'all were wondering how it feels. b a d.#and i got to thinking about it more bc my husband noticed how upset i was and was cheering me up#i came to the conclusion that social media should not effect my mood so negatively#because there is definitely a part of me that is bitter. angry. like what did i do to be excluded?#but it's not a matter of active exclusion it's just that people don't have infinite memory for blog names nor infinite energy to send#it is just. hard to keep saying it while being smacked by 10 instances of these asks a day#tbd.
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