#it's his dad stache

[lunapwrites]

LP Yells About The Sims... Again.

OK so I promise I am still writing B U T...

Still also working on this NSB challenge in the Sims4 and need to yell about it for a minute so I am going to just ... yeah.

It's official: Peach Gen (this being Gen 8) is on the board. Sort of; they're still an infant so I can't really skill them up. BUT! They are there.

The Berry family tree has gotten completely out of control, and I am ADORING the chaos. Have I been going into manage households and hunting everyone down and tweaking appearances (just to fix Crimes)? Maybe. But we have gotten to the point that uh.

You can't see the whole thing, even when zoomed all the way out. It's a little bananas. In fact, you can't see the heirs from Gen 4 onward at all in this shot. I can see Gris' twin sister Zelda, and her kids on the very far left, right under Midas and Elena. But that's it.

Have I organized everyone's headshots into a special folder organized by generation and then by which Rose Gen line they spring from? Yeah I sure did. It's easier to divide and conquer since only 5 of the 6 kids had kids and I separate heirs out into their own folder. This is normal this is fine we're doing fine.

As for how the heir thing is going. There's uh. Some story happening. And I feel like this needs explaining lol.

Caveat that I did play correctly and the Pink Gen twins (Rosa and Kamal) are the only children that Orange Gen (Ginger) has had. The rest in that line were through their dad Sidney and were entirely for The Drama (and because I needed easy fodder for Ginger to fight for her Public Enemy aspiration and turning the game into an episode of Jerry Springer seemed like a reasonable decision lmao.)

Short version: the trauma in this family compounds over the generations, holy shit. Like, just gameplay wise. And everything that each generation tries to do better than the one before they wind up somehow making worse without meaning to. I think Pink Gen is the first one that ACTUALLY starts breaking the cycle and I'm really glad that I hauled off and created a Sim to be Rosa's partner because they are wildly in love and happy and I'm living for the peace and positivity after the absolute madhouse that was Ginger's playthrough lol.

Anyway, because they deserve to be seen:

Julep (mint), Jasper (rose), Midas (yellow), Gris (grey), Iris (plum), Ginger (orange), and (below) Rosa (pink), with her extremely lovely husband Charlie who is "freckle-faced, gap-toothed farmer boy who will talk your ear off about plants." Next up is their daughter Lily (peach), but I don't take screenshots until they're at least teens. (I had Julep's pic from when I started but I didn't start tracking properly until I was well into Midas' playthrough and Jasper was already an elder... but he had red hair lol.)

Btw if you're looking for a skinblend for aesthetics I really like Honey. Obviously, since I have decided it's rated E for Everyone lmao.

Anyway I just think they're neat.

[missmagooglie]

........ depression beard into manic "I'm actually doing SO WELL you guys" moustache until Christopher FINALLY agrees to facetime with him and the first words Eddie's kid says to him in MONTHS is "🤣 Dad, what's that on your face????"

[svechnikovvv]

i cannot express how much i love the canucks’ instagram

[kordbot]

speaking of hacker. I'm working on a new ref for him bc I changed the way I draw him a bit and I'm considering posting it this time

[acitybythelightdivided2006]

watching venture bros season 7 finally and. i sure am glad it seems like a lot of other people are also picking up on the transfem dean vibe lmao

[chiisana-lion]

final class meetup was super fun this one guy i really didnt like redeemed slightly in my eyes due to how cute his 4yo lil sister is and how he very much adores her. she called me kakak ;u;

[thatcountryboydamo]

??? Bro

[enthyrea]

two commissions for the lovely @sizzlingcloudalmondspy !

the first is mav and phoenix talking about their partners, with said partners watching amusedly.

the second is jake trying to flirt with bradley by telling him he’s always loved the 80s stache, unfortunately bradbrad thinks jake is talking about his dad.

thank you for commissioning me!

commission info

[emily-escott]

Jedi Master Thame Cerulian

I’ve been meaning to sit down and come up with a design for this guy for a while, and after starting and stopping a few times, we’re finally here. The other day I saw @revanisadumbass mention they headcanon Thame as being Jocasta’s master and that gave me the strength I needed to get back to this bc I’m sick of waiting for canon to catch up with my special interests and I’ve been headcanoning that for years lol.

Even though he started out as this mysterious guy we hear about but never meet in Jude Watson’s book, he ends up being kind of a dork in the Path of the Jedi tbh. I think he’s a perfect foil for Jocasta. Thame is a valuable resource— he’s a wealth of knowledge, he’s a highly accomplished historian, he’s a well respected scholar… but he’s also a little goofy. I think Jo having to dig through a bunch of dad jokes and puns to get to the information she needs would be very frustrating for her, and she may or may not end up learning to be more patient with him lol.

I ended up l o o s e l y basing his design off of Omar Sharif. He’s outgoing and confident, so I’m drawing him with sort of snazzy hair and fancy stache. But he’s also somewhat absentminded, so he’s got a curl out of place and 5 o’clock shadow. And for some reason, Corellian Jedi wear green robes, so that’s cool. He’s basically wearing what Corran Horn wears 🤷 anyway, that’s where this guy came from! I’ve tried really hard to get to know Thame better while drawing him over the past couple days, and I think I like him? He seems kind of fun and silly? I have to get going on Lene Kostana now 😵‍💫

[zmbiiskullz]

larry johnson hcs!!!

- we alllll know this man smoke a hella lot of ouid

- i feel like he'd drink but more so during holidays like christmas or new years. esp halloween

- he seems the type to wear super baggy clothes yk like nu metal inspired fashion

- ALSO he would wear a bunch of bracelets specifically a spiked cuff and prolly some friendship bracelets the group made for eachother

- he needs music 24/7 otherwise he cannot focus or do shit 😭

- honestly i see him as a good cook, especially when he's baked

- like he'll make such interesting recipes that somehow work together

- he def makes sal and his mom try, sometimes ash and todd if they come over

- when he's stressed he fosho smokes in his treehouse with music blasting and drawing in his sketchbook

- he's always laid back, he sometimes has a temper but that's only if he's stressed or if u genuinely pissed him off

- he obviously looks more like mom but i feel like he has his dad's personality, i mean his dad used to take him to concerts and i feel like his dad also taught him how to paint and draw

- he started growing out his stache in senior year of hs, one day he just got lazy to shave so he just didn't bother and he actually liked how it looked

- his plug is obviously todd's parents, he was probably curious and went to them for support😭

- after that megan incident with sal he literally was so scared to come out of his room for the night to go to the bathroom

- he was so scared he'd find a dead person's ghost chilling in the bathtub

- he def punched the curtain for the bathtub to make sure no demons or ghosts were back there

- this is his playlist for sure

anyways thats all i could think offfff

i could do sal next :3 watch out for that!!

[captainwinterrsoldierr]

Greetings.  I would like to make a request with Lester where the (female) reader recently turned 18 and she and Lester have been together in secret for a while and Apollo's sons and daughters are shocked that their stepmother is supposed to be barely older than They.  Thank you!☀️

Ty for the request! Sorry it took so long to post!☺️🫶🏽

Title: Do We Call you Stepmom now?

Apollo x Fem!Reader

-

You finished up with training the new demigods at Camp. The new kids gathered their supplies and walked off to prepare for dinner. You finished cleaning up the weapons and sorted them properly on the weapon stache.

The sun rays glint brightly in the clear waters. The golden hue of the sunset always made you smile thinking about him. Just the thought of him made you blush and made your heart thump. As if reading your mind, you heard a chariot land behind you. You turn and saw Apollo getting off the chariot. He transformed into Lester. You didn’t mind at all. You loved him both ways no matter what. But he will always be the goofy, charming Lester to you no matter what.

His eyes glossed over as his mouth curved into that brilliant smile of his. He held out his hands and cupped your face gently. His blue eyes twinkled. Lester leaned into you and placed his lips onto yours. His kisses were always like this. Slow and meaningful. You always felt loved by him.

“I missed you darling,” He said pecking your lips.

You giggled, “I just saw you yesterday.”

He sighed dramatically, “Oh my love and it’s never enough.” His hands traced your back and he held you closely.

You glanced over your shoulder and saw Kayla walking over to where you and Apollo were.

“Ah!” You pushed him away and started to pretend lifting a sword.

Lester raised his eyebrows at you, “Y/N!”

“I’m sorry but we haven’t told your kids yet we’re together! What will they say! Im a Demigod!” You panicked ducking behind a shield.

Lester bit his lip, “Well let’s tell them now! Darling you just turned 18 it’s fine! We’re happy and in love!” He clapped happily.

You furrowed your eyebrows still ducked behind the shield. Kayla was getting close now soon she will see you two. Lester knelt up to you.

“My love, my sweet sunshine it’s ok I promise. They won’t say anything and as far as I can tell they love you!”

Your lips trembled, “are you sure?”

He nodded and he held his hand out. You took it and brushed the dirt off your knees. You spotted Kayla and waved at her.

“He-hey Kayla!” You nervously smiled.

Her eyes darted when she saw Lester, “Hey dad! What are you doing here today.”

You fiddled with your thumbs nervously.

“Greetings amazing daughter, me and y/n actually have something to tell you and the others, where are they now?”

“Oh they’re getting ready for dinner! Come on! I was just looking for y/n since I hadn’t seen her.”

Your heart warmed. Maybe they will be ok with this. The three of you chatted and walked back to the cabins. Kayla seemed unknowing of you and Lester. His fingers brushed against yours as the three of you walked. You finally reached the cabin and your heart raced faster.

Will was chatting with Nico outside the cabin. Austin was running around looking for a piece for his saxophone.

Will spotted you 3 and his eyes beamed. “Dad! Hey!”

“We have news to tell you all, my magnificent children,” Lester grinned. You nodded trying to seem confident. You all gathered in the central living space of the cabin. All eyes were on you and him. Even Nico was there. He smirked and drew a heart with his fingers. You bit your tongue. Oh no.

“So we are gathered here today to say-“ Lester began.

“What that you and y/n are together and happily in love?” Austin cackled. You froze in place. You looked over at Apollo who seemed a little anxious.

“Cause if you’re going to say that, we already know,” Will finished looking at the others. Your mouth gaped slightly open. They didn’t seem angry or uncomfortable which was a good sign.

Kayla got up and swung her arm around your shoulders, “maybe next time if you wanna keep things secret don’t make out on top of the training hill.”

Your eyes widened and your face turned beet red. “I uh can explain that!” You stammered.

“Fine yes we are happy and in love! We wanted to tell you ourselves but it seems we are indeed bad at hiding it,” Lester blushed.

“I just didn’t know if you guys were gonna be ok with it, we’re friends and I adore everyone in the Apollo cabin, you’re good people,” You spoke, your eyes looking down.

Kayla still had her arms around you, “We discussed it and we’re all ok with it! Actually we’re estatic! We all love you y/n, it’s a little odd you’re around the same age as us. But we will get used to it!” She gave you a squeeze and went to sit back down.

Your heart felt warm. You started to tear up and you felt Lester’s fingers lace into yours.

“Told you honey,” he said softly.

Will got up and wiggled his finger at Apollo. “Now now that doesn’t mean we won’t hold our father accountable though. Don’t go hurting our precious Y/N!”

You giggled and side hugged Lester. “I promise on myself I won’t!” He Exclaimed.

You were so happy. You and Lester can be together publicly now and it made your heart skip a beat. He was your everything. The cabin seemed happy about it. Everything was perfect

Austin cleared his throat and everyone looked at him, “but do we have like start calling you step mom now?”

[gretagerwigsmuse]

can't hardly wait

Summary: in which a guy named bradley likes you back on hinge...

OR a prequel fic with the first hinge messages

Pairing: Rooster x Fem!Reader

Warnings: listen i know i have a picture selected for her, i just wanted to have the ice cream comparison and went with this one. also i have all the pics on bradley's profile if you're curious 💁🏼‍♀️ he's just so goddamn cute! written for @roosterforme 's 'rocktober' event and inspired by the replacements song. don't forget to read part 1 to see how the date goes 😉 [image template (x)]

Your phone lit up with a notification, buzzing in its spot on your glass desk. You glanced down at it for a moment before going back to your slide deck - until it buzzed again. It was a Hinge notification. You hadn't been particularly active on the app the last couple days, not wanting to get your hopes up yet again. But you'd made one last ditch attempt on Hinge, liking some guys who were way out of your league - before telling Max he had the go-ahead to set you up with his buddy. Leaning back in your desk chair, you swiped up on the notification.

Oh. It was this one - the pretty one. Bradley.

You scrolled back through his profile one more time, reacquainting yourself with the 6'1" brunet. He had a picture cuddling a chunky French Bulldog, one at a Rolling Stones concert, one with an older guy who was probably his dad, and one where his eyes looked like pools of chocolate, in addition to his main photo. Unbidden, a smile crept across your face. He looked kind, sweet. Even if he didn't say where he worked.

Bradley, you tested the name out.

Without further delay, you pulled up his message:

Did you only like me because I also have a picture eating ice cream on my profile? I guess that means you're not lactose intolerant?

You let out a little giggle and twirled around in your desk chair. Oh, he was sweet (and a little nerdy). No, it's because you're unfathomably pretty and I didn't think you'd actually like me back. Trying not to overthink it, you typed out a response:

bold of you to assume it also wasn't the 'stache...and that i'm not just mainlining lactaid

It was cute, a little cheeky. He typed and deleted his response a couple times, leaving you on the edge of your seat.

How far do you have UVA going in MM this year?

You pursed your lips. Hmph. And went back to scrolling his profile. Ah, there it was - he'd also gone to UVA, though a couple years before you. He also drank, didn't smoke, and was vaccinated and bi. You swiped back to the chat.

Your allegiance to UVA in any sporting event wasn't exactly top of mind, so you had to check your March Madness bracket that everyone in the office had been forced to fill out for team building. Just has you were about to say Elite Eight! Bradley messaged back:

Sorry, that was really lame. I’m not used to this.

You smiled. that has to be a line...

His reply was instantaneous. It's not, I promise! Alright give me one more try. How's this?

In the background, your computer pinged with multiple Teams message notifications, but your eyes remained glued to your phone.

Did you know the moon's actually lemon shaped? And that the Milky Way apparently smells like raspberries and rum?

It was such a ridiculous and silly fun fact that it made you smile. Time to put all that barstool trivia knowledge to good use.

no, bradley, i did not know that. do you only specialize in space fun facts or can i get something else out of you...

----------

Turns out all it took was a smattering of the world's silliest fun facts to get you hooked, and after days of texting you were at the Hard Deck. The beachfront dive bar wasn't exactly your ideal first date location, but it seemed like there was a good crowd inside judging by the excessive number of the cars in the parking lot. As it was, your Uber let you out next to a pale blue Bronco. You smoothed your hands over your dress and checked your hair one final time before heading inside.

You didn’t really date. Not in the same sense that your friends Caroline and Darcy or even Alexa and Max did. The last person you’d gone out with for more than three dates had been your ex-boyfriend Jack and even that relationship fizzled after six months. 

But there was just something about him - about Bradley - that made you think this could be something? Something about Bradley made you giggle at your phone while you read his texts and buy a new dress and get a wax for your date. 

God, please like me. I hope he likes me.

The bell above the door jingled as you entered, suddenly taken aback not only by the amount of people in the bar, but also the Navy paraphernalia doting seemingly every usable surface. Jesus. Did Uncle Sam pay everyone's tab, too?

Scooting out of the way of another group entering behind you, you bit your lip and stretched your neck, looking around the bar for Bradley. What if he wasn't there? What if he saw you get out of your Uber in the parking lot and bailed? No - he wouldn't do that. The Bradley you had gotten to know over the last couple days sent you fun facts and his Wordle score. He asked about your projects at work and what you were having for dinner. He texted with full capitalization and punctuation. At the very worst, you'd hope you'd get an it's not you, it's me text from him.

But your worry was all for naught because when you got closer to the bar, you saw him. And by some sort of miracle he hadn't seen you yet, which gave you ample opportunity to ogle because you seriously needed a minute. God, he was so pretty. His hair looked lighter in person, not as brown, his arms looked so strong even in his unbuttoned light blue oxford, and that mustache? It worked. It really worked.

And he looked nervous? His knee was bouncing and he kept glancing down at the phone propped up on his knee. 7:33pm - you were late. You squared your shoulders and cleared your throat before closing the final few steps.

"Bradley?"

He spun around on his barstool at your voice. The abrupt motion caused him to almost drop his phone, but it made you smile. Once his eyes settled on you it was like everything stopped. The bar got quiet, you didn't notice the girl next to you complaining about her drink, and the hockey game on TV faded into the background - you just noticed Bradley.

A smile crept across his face as he said your name in turn and you nodded. Your stomach was going crazy with butterflies and your heart was pounding so hard, you were convinced Bradley could see the outline through your pink dress. His voice was warm and raspy and had your insides turning into honey.

"It's nice to see you - " He gave you a full hug that was over far too soon. God he smelled so good, too. "- Here, have a seat. Do you want a drink?"

"You too." You took his hand and got on the barstool, placing your clutch on the table and glancing around the bar. "Ummm, what're you having?"

"An old fashioned - sorry," he shook himself and glanced back down at his drink sheepishly, "you just look really pretty."

You cheeks warmed under his stare and you bit your lip. If your knee nudged his underneath the bar-top then that was just an accident. "Thanks, I'll uh - I'll have a margarita?"

Bradley was either really smart or really lucky when he ordered your margarita with your preferred tequila - you only had to pipe up to request salt on the rim.

And then it was just easy. Everything just fell into place. You talked about your time at UVA - he even got you to admit that you were a Tri-Delta after he admitted to being Sigma Chi philanthropy chair -your favorite restaurants and neighborhoods in San Diego, and your job, which Bradley endearingly thought was fascinating - something you wouldn't exactly agree with, but it was flattering all the same.

And it was only because of the easy conversation and banter between the two of you that you finally felt comfortable bringing up your most burning question all evening:

“So, what’s with the bar?” you asked, looking around with a teasing smile on your face. Bradley cocked his head. “I mean, is it just me or is like every naval officer within a forty mile radius here?”

And then the night took a turn...

don't forget to read part 1 to see how the date goes 😉

a/n: so this was just something small to tide me over before i post my next fic about thanksgiving! hope you all liked it!

[meetmymouth]

i feel like theadora!y/n would love to tease harry about how hot his dad bod is knowing damn well he doesn’t actually have one askdjsjd

He emerges from the bathroom, a green towel snugly wrapped around his hips with another green one securely holding his short hair. She laughs behind her hand, knowing he doesn’t actually need the towel for his hair, but lets it go.

She goes back to her book.

Harry hums along to a song he’s probably heard earlier when they were cooking with the radio on, and tries to gather everything from his newly organised drawers for his grand nightly routine.

“Lookin’ good, daddy,” she muses from where she’s sitting on the bed, book now closed on her lap.

He looks up with furrowed eyebrows, clearly not expecting it.

He looks really young, despite the stache he’s been growing for a while, and she thinks the towel on his head plays a big part.

He purses his pink lips, one of her hand creams in his hand. “Did you just call me ‘daddy’?”

“Yep.”

“No, no… don’t,” he goes back to rummaging through her drawers. She knows he’s looking for the foot cream she’d splurged on despite him making fun of her at the time. “Not when we’re not— you know… having sex.”

She lets out a laugh. “It wasn’t meant to be sexual anyway.”

He looks up again. “Oh.”

“You’re a dad, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, but…”

“A DILF.”

He groans, and walks over to the bed. He sits on his side of the bed, but not before letting the towel drop. “Don’t start.”

“I just love it!” She smiles, though the sweet smile turns into one that’s cheekier. “You know how people talk about DILFs and hot dads… dad bods…” she trails, and looks up at him, already finding his eyes on her.

His gaze looks dark.

“Dad bod?” He scoffs.

“Um,” she knows where she’s— where they’re going with this.

“Like…” he tries to look and sound nonchalant, applying the cream to his feet.

She watches his back muscles, and his bum— and the way it looks soft and squished against the duvet.

She laughs again when he doesn’t say anything else.

Until he does.

“Like,” he carries on. “Beer bellies and chubby cheeks, y’mean?”

“What?” She laughs.

“Dad bodies. Are you telling me—” he quickly gets up, and turns to the full length mirror. He studies his body. “Oh fuck off, I look fuckin’ hot. Right?”

“Babe…” She moves over to him, and places her hands on his hips, chin on his shoulder. She kisses the freckles there. “Even if you did have a beer belly and chubby cheeks… you’d still be hot. Having all that… it doesn’t mean you’re not hot.”

“Sorry, it’s just. I found a grey hair and then a few in my stubble.”

She lets out a laugh, and hugs him closer to her chest. They look ridiculous, cuddled up with Harry naked, but she loves the feeling of his strong body against hers.

“That’s okay.”

“I think,” he takes a deep breath. He turns around, his hands finding her growing belly. “It’s just hit me— I’m getting old. I have two daughters.”

“If you’re getting old, I’m getting old, too!”

“Yeah but. I don’t know. I guess. I’m a bit nervous.”

“You know I love you, right? We love you.”

He smiles, leans into the touch— her hands now on his cheeks. She strokes his cheekbones, and presses a kiss on his chin.

“I love you guys.”

“And… you do look fuckin’ hot.”

He grins. “Yeah?”

“Mhm. Very. It’s like. Not fair, how hot you are. It’s not even just your body,” she moves her hands down his body, stopping on his stomach, on the butterfly. “It’s everything that makes you you.”

“Keep going…”

She chuckles. She pinches—tries to—his abs. “And I love seeing you take care of our family. Thea… and now her,” they both look down at her belly. Harry places one hand there, and strokes the warm skin under her t-shirt. “I fall in love with who you are— who you’ve become every day.”

[becausebuckley]

michelle's buddie fic recs: week 33

i've been reading so many brilliant fics lately and decided i wanted to share some of my favourites in a little rec list! i'm hoping to make this a weekly thing to share some extra love for the amazing authors of the 911 fandom <3

this is a mix of fics with all ratings, so some include NSFW content. please take a look at both the ratings and the fic tags before reading!

if you come across something you like in this list, remember to show some love to the author by leaving kudos and a comment! and with that, here's a small peek at my ao3 history this week <3

it hurts to hope for more | 42hrb/@exhuastedpigeon | 15.7k | M

Buck wants to be a dad, it takes a couple break-ups and a major non-romantic heartbreak for him to figure out that maybe he already is. definitely take a peek at the tags before reading but this is the most beautiful exploration of buck's desire to be a father + his relationship with eddie and chris!!

kindred spirits | Inell/@inell | 52.1k, ongoing | E

Eddie has been a member of Paranormal Research Group for nearly four years after being recruited during one of their investigations. During that time, he’s found a job he enjoys, created a family that cares about him, become an unwilling reality TV star, and fallen in love with his best friend and partner, Buck. okay so admittedly i am a chapter behind on this one but i'm so excited to read it like literally the tab is open i am ready!! i'm so intrigued by the paranormal research part of this fic and the buddie is just brilliant!

meet me where the tide comes in | iinryer/@iinryer | 4.2k | GA

a 3+1 fic about eddie getting kissed on the head i will never not love a head kiss fic tbh it's one of my biggest weaknesses, and this is no exception!

pivot tables | rainbowninja167/@rainbowtitania | 10.2k, ongoing | E

Buck learns that Eddie's never had a prostate orgasm. Clipboard sex ensues. this is funny and hot and sweet and so very them. it's ongoing and the two chapters that are up rn are absolute gems! the google form bit is my favourite <3

something to hold onto | foxwatson/@eddiediazes | 5.2k | T

the one where frank tells eddie he should work on letting himself want things, and eddie starts by cuddling with buck the absolute softest fluffiest cuddling fic. an immediate favourite!!

somewhere to stand and stay | teaspoon/@standback | 8.3k | E

in which buck accidentally passes his eddie-mentionitis to jee-yun, eddie grows a mustache, and buck realizes he wants to have eddie's babies. there's the cutest jee-yun ever, eddie's stache, a feelings realisation, and a breeding kink?? literally what else could i ask for. it's nothing the answer is nothing this fic is everything

waking the witch | lesbianrobin/@lesbianrobin | 7.8k | T

According to historians, seiðr was a traditionally feminine religious practice among the Old Norse. According to Eddie’s mother, seiðr is the birthright of a woman and a woman only, and Eddie is an aberration. i am such a sucker for magical realism fics it's honestly not even funny. but can you really blame me when the magic elements are incorporated as brilliantly as it's done here? just. the floating <3

[princessbrunette]

hear me out.

dad’s best friend john b and jj in their 40s. jb with a slutty 70s stache. trying to conceal the way their pants tighten when you prance around in your little sundresses 🧚‍♀️

heard ☑️

u cant help but flirt w them when ur dads not around !!! they’re just so hot :( john b always leaning his arm against something watching you prance about with that soft little smile on his face, thinking about how bad it would be to have a pretty thing like you on his arm :( and jayj always covered in car grease n other stuff who’s always taking it too far n playing rough with you just to get his hands on u n make you giggle …… he hates feeling like a creepy old guy but you’re pretty n you have nice tits and he hasn’t changed that much since he was younger ! it’s clear u love the attention anyways……

[jawz]

i’ve been thinking a lot lately about the way my ethnicity affected the way i was gendered as a child, my drive to transition, and even my detransition…

as a hispanic growing up with my white mom and white stepdad and white brother and white extended family in scandinavian hell (minnesota), i always felt different, always felt wrong. (my parents divorced as a baby, and my dad and his family, cuban and italian, all live in florida.) my neighborhood wasn’t so bad; it was way more diverse than the metro area itself. growing up i had mixed friends, i had friends with curly hair… but us trailer park kids were only a fraction of the population of our schools and district. a sea of blonde hair. there were times in elementary school i would literally pray to god to make my hair straight, make my eyes blue. grown-ups touched my hair and always asked “is it naturally curly?”. my classmates urged me to straighten it and by age 13 it was part of my ridiculously time-consuming “feminizing” beauty rituals.

much earlier, by the age of 8 or 9, i already had thick, dark hair growing on my legs. other kids, boys and girls alike, called me “gorilla girl”, faked gagging when i wore shorts, insisted i was actually a boy. that one became more and more common as i came into my personality: bold, class clown, competitive with the boys. (always wanting to charm the girls, but i didn’t recognize that back then.)

my mustache was there by 8, as well. just a little peach fuzz above my lip but dark enough to notice. are you even a girl? my mom would spread wax over her own face and soon began waxing my stache as well. it hurt so badly. i put up with it because she said it would make the kids stop teasing me. of course i was a girl- she was a woman and she had peach fuzz too!… but i felt self-conscious at the fact that my body hair was so much more noticeable, even as a child. my mother’s hair is very thin, straight, lighter brown; her complexion is warmer than mine, pink where mine is olive, green and yellow. i worried you could see the strands about to burst through. i was worried that to be a girl- a woman- i must hide parts of myself every day. i must cover the shoots of grass, the weeds that reveal that i’m not fit for society, that whisper i’m wild and untamed.

it wasn’t actually until i was 18 at least that i actually started to consider myself latino. i had sometimes said ‘hispanic’ growing up, as that’s what my family in florida called themselves; they referred to themselves as “spanish”, which i found out was not quite true after compiling my family tree and discovering that those ancestors emigrated from havana. in their minds they were white: “descended from spanish royalty” (as if!!)… i had spent my youth constantly trying to claim solely whiteness, confused as to why everyone was asking me “are you mexican?” “are you jewish?” “are you middle eastern?” - even though inside i think i knew. i knew my family didn’t look like me. i resented my surname being changed to Lind when i was five, my stepdad’s name, in order to give me the same name as the rest of them. despite my apparent envy of swedes and norwegians i knew it wasn’t my name; i still stood out terribly. i glared at myself in the mirror every day, i never could move past how the kids at school said my eyes were the color of shit, that my hair looked like pubes, that i must have had a sex change without being told because that would explain the mustache, the aggression…

by the time i was fourteen i was entirely primed to accept an alternative explanation to what was “wrong” with me. my sexuality was becoming more and more apparent but before i could ever come out as lesbian or even bi, i had discovered what it meant to be trans. i was so immediately certain that this was the key, THIS was why everyone said i didn’t fit in, THIS was why my behavior wasn’t girly, THIS was why i wanted to date girls. it was 2011, still deep in the “brain sex” era of the trans community, and i was sure without a shadow of a doubt that i was physically female, mentally male. all that needed to be done was to “correct” my body and bring it in line with my brain. despite the fact that very few people knew what transition actually was back then, i genuinely assumed it would make sense to everyone else, too: they had told me i wasn’t ‘really’ a girl so many times i had no trouble believing it.

transition, of course, did not suddenly de-latinize me LOL. first i became a total Other, outside of both the minnesotan ethnic norms and the gender+sex norms; eventually, with hormones and surgery at a very young age, i was able to pass as a boy, but by the time i could grow actual full-on facial hair, i realized i was still the pan-latin american enigma to people around me. multiple times someone would call me “sanchez” as some sort of attempted insult or joke. police looked at me differently than they had before. shop owners followed me, accused me of shoplifting. and sometimes, the white girls i dated told me that i was way cooler than all the boring white boys they knew. one girl even called me “exotic” to my face. it was, apparently, a compliment.

when i was 21 i heard that my girlfriend had referred to me to others as “a POC who identifies as white”. it felt as though she didn’t even know me at all. i’d never claimed either of those things to her.

moving to the west coast (socal specifically, where being latino/a is not considered ‘abnormal’) illuminated a lot of the bizarre and unnatural racial expectations of my midwest upbringing; i think by this point i was beginning to realize what so many things from my childhood had meant. that they weren’t really saying i was a boy. they were saying we don’t like girls who look like you, and we’d rather not have you included in our category.

it took me another three years to fully reckon with this. by the time i decided to detransition i had a much better understanding of the circumstances of my life; conversations with close friends who are also latina and have walked similar paths to me, heard similar insults, similar “compliments”, opened my eyes to the fact that i was not alone. i no longer feel weird for thinking the race/ethnicity boxes on government forms are hopelessly reductive. i know who i am and who i am not.

(around this time, i happened upon some old pictures of my dad’s side of the family. beautiful and glamorous women: adela, my uncle’s mother, the piano player; melanie, my aunt, the wife, hostess, and addict; lauren and andrea, my cousins, the restauranteurs; stella, my dad’s mamma, the widow and matriarch. and on all their faces, thick dark eyebrows, and, yes, that ever-familiar peach fuzz. i swear it healed something in my soul. despite my lack of beauty and glamor, we are not so different after all.)

that’s not to say all things are easy now. i’ve spent three years living as a GNC woman and if that wasn’t enough to confirm most all of my hypotheses on people’s perceptions of me, i don’t know what is.

detrans spaces (like most trans spaces) are overwhelmingly white- or at least that’s who dominates conversation. i see SO much downplaying of the things that naturally hairy women go through societally. i see trans allies who purport to be “okay” with detransitioners, saying “what’s the big deal? if you took testosterone you can just go off it and get laser hair removal!! :)” as if laser isn’t expensive as hell, painful as hell, and also WAY more of a process for a woman with dark curly hair than it is for one with straight blonde hair lmfao!!! i see detrans women obsessed with removing all traces of hair from their bodies (even though most of them clearly don’t have a neverending five o’clock shadow like some of us do! my lower face has a constant blue-green disturbance under the surface which makes female spaces incredibly daunting) and insulting the rest of us for being ugly and hairy and making no effort to look like women or what the fuck ever. basically, a lot of people who claim to support us are just racists and essentialists and believe that sex is visual and not biological…🤨

anyway… i guess my main takeaways from all this are:

1. please stop acting like detransition is an entirely internal process and that it’s easy for all of us to be seen as our sex again (some of us like. actually transitioned and passed as the opposite sex), or that potential physical interventions aren’t incredibly invasive and difficult

2. stop assuming all transition and detransition journeys follow your own experience of lifelong whiteness and hairlessness

3. it is a distinct experience to be regularly de-gendered or denied your sex, PRIOR to ever thinking of yourself as literally trans. many trans/detrans people had this happen to us (we were once the vast majority of trans people). but many did not, and generally shock others when they begun breaking gender norms. i really think people from the second group often have trouble understanding that for the first group, changing gender expression is basically a bandaid over an abscess… we have lived entire lifetimes being denied our sex, being told our bodies are not “truly” ours, that there is someone else inside trying to break out. kicked out of the bathroom, the changing room, alienated from single-sex peer groups. transition just flips this experience and instead separates us from our preferred gender group, reinforcing the feeling that we have no place, anywhere.

race/ethnicity, being homosexual or bisexual, mental illness stigma, disability, and low economic class all play an additional role in this. stop perpetuating this and denying us our biological sex.