#it's her first birthday without her
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Happy Birthday in Heaven, sweet baby girl. I miss you so much...
#personal shenanigans#Stella the cat#she would have been 18 today#it's her first birthday without her#If I ever find another cat as special as she was I'll be one lucky human being#from day one she chose me#we almost didn't take her home but she chose me#and she stuck by my side to the bitter end#through depression and growing up#through texas to california#she was by my side every step of the way#always greeting me when I came home until she couldn't move very well anymore#always talking to me#though we could never understand each other we knew there was always love behind our words#To anyone who says an animal is just a pet#I say fuck you because the pain I feel from her loss is insurmountable#HBD Stella
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season 3 janeway hanging out with her kiddies more is a big fave era of the AU for meeeeeeeee <3 she's awkward at it but she's trying :')
Resolutions and Basics happen and it's the beginning of a shift for her in feeling like she actually wants to be a mother. It's a slow burn up through Coda which conveniently shares an anniversary with Threshold = their first birthday, seeing what she's missing (though the alien in Coda would probably try to frame it in her mind as being like "they're going to be fine without you" but she'd see it and be like "im missing these moments with them :(" and afterwords she'd finally make the decision to be more involved in their lives.
#if i could write...... Coda would be one id just COOK ON hahaha#like begins in the shuttle with chakotay inviting her to the triplets' first birthday and she's like noooooooo.........#and she 'dies' and gets to see what the party they throw without her is like#and she gets sad about it#but when she's fine again at the end of the ep shes like chakotay hi yes i will go to their birthday party :)#My Art#Threshold#AU#Kathryn Janeway#Edward Janeway#Philippa Janeway#Human#Star Trek: Voyager#drawing that top one i kept thinking about that scene in Bones#where brennan has either her baby or is with another baby#and shes wiggling her fingies around in front of it going 'phalanges phalanges phalanges'#it lives in my mind rent free#also ermmmmmm one of my huge brainrot moments ever with my hecking writer girlies and the au is like#whenever kathryn admires her babies' finger webbing IT MAKES ME EXPLODE#had that in my brain too haha#with the other oneeee philippa only lets chakotay touch her hair hehehe! <3#its snarly and she's sensitive about it and janeway's not good about taming the mane lol
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grandma aoife's bakery 🍰✨🥧
#ts4#the sims 4#sims 4#ts4 build#ts4 interior#ts4 screenshots#holocene.png#hlcn: aoife#i built this a year ago and meant to post pics of it but never did#it's never too late though!!! so tada!!! it's the famous bakery ran by the equally famous grandma aoife!!!#canonically aoife sells a standard set menu of products but she will also make literally anything you ask her to make#wedding cakes? birthday cakes? your family recipe that you just can't get right without a grandma's touch? yes#i forget the exact timeline but this has been in her possession for a few years and i imagine it's had some upgrades hence the more up to#date design than her actual house#bonus canonical fact: she gives a discount to first responders but by first responders she means EMS and firefighters :)#she is her father's daughter and hates the cops! aoife says ACAB and also don't even fucking come in my shop thanks
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Do you think Edelgard perceives herself as a victim? I’ve been thinking and I can’t decide myself, on one hand she clearly hates the idea of people being victims or helpless, and constantly reframes the victims of the war as “necessary sacrifices” instead of, y’know, tragic causalities of a war she started. She plays up her sad backstory to try to get Byleth to join with her in WC, but then she does all these things to concentrate as much power as possible on herself. On the other (other) hand, she pushes the culpability of the war on everyone except herself, and has trouble taking accountability. She’s obsessed with controlling everything but she doesn’t want to be blamed for the problems she’s created. What do you think?
Oh!
(sorry for replying one literal month later lol)
I find Supreme Leader hard to write because of this, but in a way, I believe that yes, she does.
However, for all the flak Faerghus gets for "ToXiC mAsCuLiNiTy" and "Chivalry BaD", there's something very toxic with the way some Adrestian victims (often women... blame the writers I guess?) deal with their abuse.
I'm not going to spend a lot of time on Doro because I already typed a lot about her, but while she still sees herself as a victim from what she endured and suffered in her childhood, she adopted the toxic mindset of "this suffering is a thing of the past and I grew from that/beyond that to become the person I am now" - which we can also see in Manu who suffered from, roughly, the same traumas.
Petra also follows this pattern, being a hostage and treated like shit, but she grow "beyond" her status of a victim to become the strong person she projects and believes she is - it's only out of House that she realises more accutely her status within the Empire, the reality of her situation and, in Houses, refuses vassalage to Adrestia to make her country independent without having to "ask the Emperor".
It's the same pattern : "I was a victim" but "I became strong" so "I am not a victim anymore, this is something of the past".
Applied to Supreme Leader...
Well, trying to ignore the Agarthans and her dad's own infuence on her character (which is kind of hard, since the games try their hardest to make Agarthans responsible for everything BaD and we're not clear on how much they had an influence on her), I think Supreme Leader believes she was a "victim" of abuse.
But - through further abuse and surviving said abuse - she became strong* enough to "not be a victim anymore".
Which is why her line of "if the weak remain weak it's their fault" feels like it echoes part of her mindset : she was a victim but became strong enough, maybe by hardening her own feelings to become "strong", so she is not the same helpless "victim" she once was.
If she managed to do that, then everyone can do the same.
As for the "necessary sacrifices", since early 2019 someone theorised that "the people" she pretends the fight for as seen as some general "concept", much like the "greater good". So if some people are sacrificed, it's for her ideals - the goal and aim of her newfound strength - , and it piles on her drive, she must realise them otherwise those people would have died (and she would have suffered) for nothing.
However, despite acknowledging her past self as a victim, and because she's now "strong", she's not above using her past trauma (but actually, still present! Remember the rat scene?) to reach her goals, because, at her core, Supreme Leader is soemone who is very determined. Maybe it's her only drive to grow beyond the trauma, or her own illusions, or a mix of everything, but AM made it clear, Supreme Leader is not above, well, using herself if it means seeing her goals come to fruition : unlike Lobotogard from AG, AM!Supreme Leader willingly transforms in Hegemongard.
This is the cost she's willing to pay, so while the memes about Lord Farqaad were on spot, I still think that Supreme Leader is ultimately willing to sacrifice** herself for her goal (but only when there's no other way to ensure her future will come to fruition, and in a way, I guess she thought she would survive the Hegemon transformation, jury's out on what she meant to do in AM's finale, but imo, she still tried, even beaten and battered as she was, to claim Dimi's head).
Ultimately I think everything's a bit muddled by the fact that, as @fantasyinvader pointed out, Supreme Leader is a liar and knows the importance of maintening good PR.
She lies and manipulates the truth to reach her goals (which again, is a red flag when CF claims to want to restore the "distorted history" of Fodlan!) and for all the flak I give them, the devs managed to scrap enough material to give us a peek in Adrestia's mindset (or at least its top nobles), they're not people who self reflect, they are salty because they aren't ruling the world anymore, and they feel like they are better than the rest of Fodlan.
Put everything in the mixer, and you indeed have Supreme Leader (but also her court, especially Ferdie in SB who dares to say, as he is invading and trouncing people who don't really like and accept the idea of being invaded, that the fear those people feel are only in their mind, or something like that? Like, dude, you're rolling over their people and country, of course they'll fear and hate you!) giving her weird rhetoric lines (why are people opposing me if they are going to die?), victim blaming (something Treehouse swallowed like honey, if their lolcalisation is anything to go by, remember, it's Rhea's fault for not offering her head on a platter that is the reason why the War continues in CF!) and so on.
IDK if the devs wanted to bank that much on the Dany parallel with her "if I look back i am lost", but again, I don't know if her drive to make a "better Fodlan" is motivated by her trauma, Adrestian revanchism, Ionius telling her dumb things or Agarthans agarthaning, but her goal and vision are everything to Supreme Leader.
So she will do anythign to see them realised, even if it means sacrificing her people, starting a war, tweaking "the truth" or using her own trauma to motivate and recruit powerful people who might assist her with her goals.
To reply to your question, IMO she sees herself as someone who had once been a victim, but won't let that stop her from reaching her goals, even if it means creating thousands of "hers" in the process, because, in her mind, reaching her goal is more important than anything else.
*I know, she refutes Dimitri's claim that she is "strong" or laughs at it, but imo, it was more in the sense of "I was weak and became strong" so everyone can "become" strong.
**I don't think she wanted to throw away her life, but more something in the lines of "putting my life on the line" or sacrificing her precious (and to see how precious it is, just play CF lol) humanity.
#mgphotogirl#replies#the way the games are written no one truly holds her accountable for the war and the WC events#the parley scene tries but then it forgets everything to talk about visions and whatnot#without even going in the 'your allies framed Dedue's people for something they never did and you are using demonic beast for fuck's sake'#territory like seriously it's so mild#Being in an UO mindset now I'm still baffled at how Alain at least delivers some venom and hatred to the guy who#trampled over the continent and doesn't deserve to him to be called its king#even if he puts his hatred aside to purify and offer him salvation#but in Fodlan? there's no hatred or feelings about the war or the WC events#I mean you could believe they're arguing about what dish should be cooked for a birthday#or they're in a heated philosophy class#This verse's pathological need to make sure she's never held accountable for her actions#bled in FEH and in even in FE17 :(#Imo Supreme Leader could have been a fascinating character#if only they dialed back on the uwu and teasets prospects#and i say that not only because we would still have fans going all 'arvis did nothing wrong as he cooked his younger brother on a low flame#for Supreme Leader but because the 'driven by their convictions to the point of abandoning why they wanted to do X in the first place'#for a female character in the FE franchise would really have been progressive in the 'yes women too can be red emperors'#fodlan nonsense#tbh going from Hegemongard in AM to AG's Lobotogard really hurts#but as a certain youtuber said#Lobotogard was designed with a certain bait in mind#and I'm pretty sure it was the only way to get some unconclusive 'everyone survives ending' without slaughtering Dimi or Supreme Leader#characters at least
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🌻☀️Happy Birthday, Emma! 8/22☀️🌻
#guess who finished the initial birthday picture for Emma right after the other? well#Emma rolling up her sleeves in the first arc my beloved ~#wanted to honor this here plus her adorable child self#but her face looks so weird ><#whoops#also one version with font and one without one#because I really didn't like how the font turned out but was too lazy to try again#Snickers draws#the promised neverland#tpn#ynn#yakusoku no neverland#tpn emma#ynn emma#yakusoku no neverland emma#the promised neverland emma
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My mom and I went out for my birthday dinner tonight because my family will be here for my actual bday tomorrow but the she basically talked about my dad’s death the whole time and that gives me so much anxiety like his last two weeks are the most traumatic of my entire life and it made it so I could hardly eat. I couldn’t say anything though because she gets defensive super fast and would’ve said “I’ll just never mention him again” or something similarly childish so I had to just listen… and stress. I’m tired.
#I love my mom but it’s really hard to tell her when you don’t want to talk about something#she takes is so personally#personal#cancer#death#I wanna cry it’s my first birthday without him and now all I can think about is how he died
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i think one of the most disappointing things is to see that your childhood friends have grown up to represent the kind of people you're disappointed in
#had a friendship break up w like one of my entire friend groups of six ppl?#found out that one of the girls in our friend group had sent screenshots of our private conversation about smth I was hurt over#to a gc with our other friends (but not me ofc)#and they all proceeded to talk shit about me :// I swear the way my stomach dropped when the friend I was having the convo w#sent me screenshots of what our mutual friends were saying about me#she knew how much it would hurt me but still did it just to prove a point (though I'm certain she misrepresented our conversation + my word#to them considering she blocked out what she had initially said to them lol)#my stomach hasn't dropped like that since high school#which is exactly where I thought we left this kind of deceitful behaviour. like how are you guys twenty one and still sending screenshots#and talking bad behind only one (1) friend's back when you know she can't defend herself in that space#I immediately texted our collective gc to explain a text she had sent but failed to give context for#then told them if I'm as selfish as they say I will leave this friend group. and then I left that gc#I also texted two friends who I knew were talking shit and I sent them the screenshots that first “friend” sent and pointed out how#she blocked out what she said so I'm suspicious that she skewed our conversation so they (the two other “friends”) should be wary#I told them I understood it was fair game to stoop. this low considering neither of them tried to reach out to me to hear my side#or defend me + my privacy#for context: the original argument was me voicing out that I was upset bc that first “friend” had invited and planned with with our friend#group an event that landed on my birthday without checking in with me if I was planning to spend time with them that day#and she kept defending herself and saying she didn't know I'd plan smth (probably bc my bday is two months away lmao) and she said#the event they'd be attending is just as important and necessary as being there for my birthday?? it's literally just a party her brother#(who none of us are close to lol) is DJing at. and I brought up how I'm their close friend (not her brother) and it's not fair to call#it equally necessary. but I suspect she skewed what I said greatly considering all of our friends started calling me selfish and unfair#but yeah v v crazy and hurtful and just astonishing#salmaspeaks
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happy birthday to my beautiful wife @jade-lynxx!! she always indulges my autism and obsessions
#also the tags are for her to read so let me start#first of all thank you for being a part of my life it means so much to me that we even met in the first place#i wouldnt be who i am today without you by my side so im grateful that youve stuck with me so far and i know you and me have a whole journe#ahead of us with lots of explorations and new experiences#thank you for being yourself and allowing me to learn so much about you#you re the most important thing in my life and i treasure you deeply so happy birthday my love <3
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wait so sorry if youve said this but do you have a timeline for when the ng events happen in the official proseka timeline? because mizaki4 happens before jp4anni (i have gotten Invested in your ocs)
sort of!! every group in prsk had two 4th focuses left when 3rd anni happened so maho4 and misaki4 are both after that but before 4th anni. misaki4 happens at the beginning of april (haha 4 unlucky number. fun fact that is also Chika's birth month :))
after that im not too certain on where i want to place the events. maybe haruka5 goes just a little after 4th anni? and chika5 in july (july is haruka's birth month :)))))
anyways yeah most of the planning i've done has been purely either to fit with actual prsk stories or for Evil Purposes. such is life
#askbox on mars!#neon's ✧ glimmer#sorry i think putting angst events in their birth months is sooo funny. suffer forever#i know chika's bday card story is angsty too bc it's her first birthday without kohina :))))))))
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Got flowers for my mom's bday tomorrow 🫶🏾💜
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having teenagers be like 95% of your coworkers is so fucking irritating
#testing my fucking patience!#they’re either late to their shifts; don’t show up without announcing it; come in an hour early so i lose an entiee hour off my paycheck and#they never do their fucking chores. one day i am going to severely bite one of them#it’s the second time in a week that two of my coworkers (they’re siblings) come in way too early and take money off my pay so today i told#the girl to fuck off somewhere because i wasn’t done with my damn shift#her older brother fully came in AN HOUR earlier last week without asking me first. he made me leave lmao#next time he’s gonna fuck off somewhere else too#sorry for the rant but i am Very Pissed#same girl fully just didn’t show up for her shift last week because it was her birthday but she didn’t warn anyone or have someone cover her#shift and she LEFT MY BOSS ON READ WHEN MY BOSS TEXTED HER. and so my other coworker had to do a TEN HOUR SHIFT cause the teenage girl#decided she wasn’t coming in#didn’t even ask for a day off lmfao just fully didn’t show up and left everyone on read#but then again what do i even expect from a 14 year old girl and a 17 year old boy#one of my other coworkers is a 16 y/o boy and he fully didn’t show up one time too and forced me to do his shift lmfao
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talked to one of my exes on the phone after a month-ish of not talking and it was really nice actually?
i told her basically that i would like to be friends and that my head's not in a romantic space, i don't even know where it's at. she agreed and we both agreed that we'd actually missed each other. she's not a good fit romantically for me but i like her as a person. it'd be nice to be friends with an ex. haven't had that in a while.
#i'm friendly-ish with my last ex but he two timed me with the chick he's currently with so fuck his ass#the two exes before him have every reason to never talk to me again and i respect it. i was not good to them#on again off again basketcase is blocked on everything and just recently stopped sending me letters#summer fling is doing great! we like each other's shit on socials. i'd love to catch up with him#the big bad is a birthdays and holiday text only sitch and i think that's best#if we got back together we'd destroy each other without a doubt#my first love is my platonic soulmate and i love her so much#so now you have my incomplete romantic history#fun facts about greenie#greenie core
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Man I just give up.
#dora daily#if only there was a way to just stop everything#idk if I want to die but I want everything to stop#like so many times I go out or smth and something bad happens#or I get triggered in public and I try so hard not to lose myself and start drama in public but I just can’t#every time I show any emotion people start laughing#I can’t even try to stop myself from bawling in the middle of the store without someone#just being so insensitive and rude and diminishing how I feel#you know I say I’m never mad and that is true bc I may seem mad a lot online but I’m not like this irl#but for the first time I actually got mad at someone irl and I was literally gonna beat him#I was genuinely seething so bad it’s not fair and things keep getting worse and worse#I was so close to just throwing this stupid phone and shattering it and ripping up those dumbass#birthday cards they sell in the store#and that stupid bitch of a sister I have is so fucking stupid#she sees someone anxious and incredibly upset and she acts like that ? fuck her#like bro idek how I have lived for this long and idek why I don’t go and just overdose on SOMETHING right now because#logically speaking I should just give up#but I don’t know why I can’t#like please my life is literal shit okay is replying on time so hard for you to fucking do so I don’t go even more insane fuck all of youuuu#UGHHHDJSOS#I SWEAR TO GOD I am so sick of this just you all wait#none of you deserve normal treatment all you deserve is something even worse than ghosting#just you wait let this stupid semester end and I’ll deactivate my socials go speak to the fucking wall you morons#you think I’m gonna wait around what are you paying me to be here ? if anything IM paying with my sanity#like if this was related to a spouse who was a billionaire but he was treating me as shittily as you guys treat me then I’ll say fine#at least I’m getting something out of this transaction who gives a fuck#but im not getting paid#im not receiving support#I’m getting laughed at and ignored#and used only at YOUR CONVENIENCE !!! what the FUCK ! I don’t exist for anyone and certainly not yall even if I did.
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send help. it's supposed to be 91 degrees tomorrow. on my day off :(
#a sock speaks#work tag#food tag#it was high 80s today but I didn't even notice bc the air conditioner at restaurant job is punishingly high powered#I was wearing my long sleeved undershirt and leggings without any discomfort#but I have to run errands tomorrow and my car has no AC. the house also has no AC but is okayish at staying cool.#I wanted to make pizza today but didn't have time. might be too hot for pizza tomorrow :( but my ingredients are aging in the fridge#I finally got a paycheck but it's for the 2nd period I worked. I'm missing the first one and need to talk with the regional manager#and he's only in on Thursdays#also gotta request a day off to go to Portland with my cousin in 2 weeks#also gotta request off for orchestra which also starts in 2 weeks#also my aunt is trying to recruit me for a caregiving job and I'd have to take 3 weeks off to get trained#it'd be super easy to schedule both jobs once I'm trained but the training is a big time commitment#also restaurant job scheduled me for all graveyard shifts this week. if I can't adjust my sleep schedule I'll have to give a firm no on it#also gotta go to the bank to deposit my check and. uh. all of August's tips (terrifying)#also gotta call a vital records office in Maine about my mom's birth certificate bc we're trying to take her to Canada for her birthday#I don't think we have enough time but my sister wants to do it#also I want to finish knitting this sock that I started in June. I just have the toe left#also I finally confirmed the color and pattern for a baby blanket I'm preparing as a gift so I gotta get yarn#also I need to buy blackout curtains to fit my windows so I can sleep in the day if I work nights#also sometime this week my sister is cleaning the church. I want to go with her so I have an excuse to get ice cream from a shop nearby#also I need to clean my room and I should hang up the art prints & postcards I've been collecting for months#most of them are green to match my decor but some are just characters or scenes I like#oh! I also owe a postcard to a school friend#I had caffeine for the first time in several days and my brain is buzzing. there's so much I want to do and I have time to do it#and I'm excited about it!
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if wilbur doesnt come back in time im going on a rampage!!!!!! :3
#bee buzzes#qsmp#WILBUR SOOT#COME SEE YOUR DAUGHTER#DONT LET HER HAVE HER FIRST BIRTHDAY WITHOUT YOU
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any Beautiful Women roaming this earth right now feel like buying me any of these books to support homosexual women living in the third world's rights. please. Please
#jo-kin...#the first time i came across her works was i think in 2017 on infinitychan's GirlTalk as reaction images which got me curious#literally changed my life i felt so seen like the hair pulling for instance like I HAD A BALD SPOT TOO i had no knowledge of trich#before that point so i thought it was just another one of my freakay quirks & i was liek o_O &+ her self harm + relationship with her mothe#her relationship with herself & socializing ETC ETC amongst many other things#&of course most of all her outlook on sexuality. i was 12 when i first read MLEWL & i have since read it at least 20 more times minimum#thank god i read it so young because there was so so much that i came back to as i grew older. it was the first lesbian book i ever read to#i am seriously Forever grateful#i sincerely with all my Heart wish the author well in her life God knows she deserves it#i can do with the french edition because the titles are subtler so i can have physical copies without outing myself#i wish i had more monies because the website i took this screenshot from has a shop that is in my bus route#so i could go pick it up But i am a poorfag. unfortunately.#hopefully by my next birthday i have enough money to get at least One.......I HOPE.......#i am financially dependent BTW so it is not really up to me but maybe O_O i get lucky or something
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