#it's hard to be told that i've made people's lives better when i know i've made so many others' lives worse
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m0e-ru · 1 month ago
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lets think of everyone who had persona blogs and obliterated them off the face of the earth instead of just archiving and keep them in our thoughts tonight. everyone else who directly caused them into doing that go and fucking behave
#kommento#// talking about people I admire or just knew and realized the majority of the persona ones completely blew up what related them to prsona#// some started from scratch or picking up off of anything salvageable and are now living a better online life only to be haunted by#// those who knew them before and would rather not be reminded and just lightly brush away those asking because they genuinely don't know#// the games aren't all that bad and their flaws are of different circumstances that can only be explained differently from one another#// but that one scrap of the community can just tear away at your soul taking something you love and made with love to become fuel for fire#// it's clear when you've been scarred and everyone handles those scars differently. if they show them valiantly or still hide them#// in any other case. stepping out of your bubble you made around you reminds you just how horrid everything you blocked out really is#// it's worse when it seeps into the cracks you couldn't patch and it comes back to make you rot until you deal with it#// I know how others would just get up and abandon their blogs or accounts and let them be archived#// but with this community I fear they do their best to wipe that entire footprint off of the face of the web as much as they can#// and these people were the smartest and sweetest ever and handled the characters they love with care and consideration and love#// to be caught in the middle of a war they didn't want to fight for their characters or opinions that the best option was just leave#// my complete and utter fear to never get to viral heights and if I did I'd try to keep my anonymity as much as possible because#// the tales have been told scare me so much I don't want to experience it#// its been too long I really shouldn't be a hater about this at this point but something got me to pinch my nose bridge really hard#// well whatever. I'm glad I've made this space for me and for all of you. whatever you see this place as. a gas station or what#// everyone of you here warms my heart even if you come and go. I'm just glad I know I touched people's hearts and circulated#// my love for something so silly around other people
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qqqqqqqqqqq0 · 2 months ago
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i present to you the most useless talent i possess
#it felt like a workout i didnt breathe the whole time#but then right after some user posted a video in which he played the same song with super perfect score on every single hit#and i was like Holy Fuck#no matter how good you think you are there is always some other dude who does it better than you tenfold#this is a game i started to play a few weeks ago. i've even found a new friend there. she's 25 and lives on the other side of the globe#she's very sweet and compliments my shitty english often#she really adores me for some reason since the very start and it was kinda confusing at first#well not until i figured that we actually play on the steam-exclusive server lol#i had a chat with a few people in my mother tongue there and it genuinely ruined my day#my in-game block list is full and i don't usually block anyone on any platform. steam users are build different i guess#so it was one in a million chance of us to meet each other lol we have a lot in common. its bizzare even#but at the same time we're pretty much the opposites. she likes black. she wants to be shorter. she has a fiancé. she also lives in usa#a few days ago she has sent me a photo of the local protesters outside the cafe she was eating at#with the caption like “in the land of freedom there are protesters everywhere” and i got really sad#i flashbacked to a few years ago when i was trying to run away from the local police officers while attending the protest#its not the “trying to run away” part that got me traumatised for life but the idea of freedom in my country as a whole#ngl that day unironically kinda deformed my faith in humanity. my adolescent naivety and bravery had gone ever since#this is so sad i fear despacito won't be enough to fix this#what a shitty time to be alive dont you think#but if i keep thinking about the stuff i cant control or change no matter how hard i try i will spiral into insanity in a heartbeat#anyway i think she's really cute as well. she also has two cats that she loves so i've finally found a person to send all the cat memes to#also not that long ago some cat-loving english-speaking user wrote to me here and we talked sweetly for a little while#they've told me my crochets are cute and it genuinely made my day better. not because of the compliment but tge thought behind it#english-speaking cat lovers you should know that you're the sweetest people i've ever encountered in my life#but im afraid that my prediabities will develop into diabetes if we keep this up (im not against it)#i wish every person on earth is this kind#this escalated quickly i guess. lets just look at me struggling to keep up with the buttons on the screen
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allsadnshit · 9 months ago
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Sometimes I think about my best friend in my 20's response to when I told her I was envious of how talented and skilled she was cause she was always the friend that was doing a million new hobbies and just really had it together in my eyes and she seemed so disappointed in me and said how she's always been perceived as "talented" for things she was not a natural at and had actually worked tirelessly hard to learn to do and how it's never a compliment to assume someone has something you don't simply because they got lucky because more often than not they were just as capable as you and just chose to take risks, dedicate time, push through discomforts or doubts that maybe you succumb to, and really earned things that are often nonchalantly disregarded by peers as having walking in with already in hand
And I feel like that conversation really changed me cause I've always been bad at school and been a slow learner so I just sort of decided I wasn't smart and it wasn't my fault I wasn't born with the same advantages of people around me and I think that's something we all do as self protection from the truth that the only thing truly keeping us from what we want is usually ourselves and our decisions about our own narratives that aren't actually in stone even if we see them that way
I realized my friend was actually just not a quitter, and that she also felt not good enough often but decided to keep going in times where I know I would have stopped in her place
And I feel like taking ownership of my life a lot in the last few years has made me understand her better, even with stuff like chronic illness that practically begs us to victimize ourselves and then that way of thinking makes us sicker and more dependent on others when we could be accepting help without considering ourselves so helpless
It's really weird interacting with anyone once I've realized so much of that because I see my old self in people when they talk to me like I have something they don't because I am finally making different choices than I used to and honestly it is very irritating regardless of intention
If you want something someone else has that doesn't give you permission to assume how they got it or what it is even like having it - and I think more and more people have decided it's not their fault how they are choosing to live and that's why they are so stuck
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taasgirl · 7 months ago
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sparks fly - charles leclerc
summary: everyone thinks y/n and lando are a couple, but when she begins to soft launch another driver, people start to catch on.
a/n: no face claim, the order and outcomes of races are fictional,
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liked by charles_leclerc, lilyzneimer, and 39, 376 others ynusername and it's all too much for little lando norris
francisca.cgomes Ahhh so gorgeous
ynusername kikaaa
user52763 y/n and lando karting maybe 🫣
user19822 I don't think that looks like lando tbh
landonorris Catching them z's 😴😴 liked by ynusername
user92738 my fave wag!
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liked by landonorris, maxfewtrell, and 711, 029 others quadrant Our new video 'Reaction Test' is out now!! Featuring special guest @ ynusername, who do you think wins?
ynusername thanks for having me guys!! liked by quadrant
user82739 okay did anyone else see the way lando looked at y/n during the vid... like excuse me
user25382 YES LIKE CONFIRM UR RELATIONSHIP ALREADY
charles_leclerc I'll just assume that y/n lost
ynusername charles i've never felt more betrayed... landonorris @ charles_leclerc Correct!
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liked by ynusername, pierregasly, and 6, 227, 276 others charles_leclerc New addition to our little family 🩷
landonorris Bet you're gonna start calling yourself a dad now
ynusernme oh he already has
ynusername baby leoooo
charles_leclerc Great name 😉 user52763 @ charles_leclerc what's the wink for huh??
user92837 ohmygod he's become a dad
user92736 wdym 'OUR little family'...
user28622 SOFT CHARLES CONTENT OMFG
maxverstappen1 Very cute Charles liked by charles_leclerc
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liked by charles_leclerc, maxfewtrell, and 48, 928 others ynusername monaco is awesomeeeee! thanks for being my personal chauffeur @ arthur_leclerc when my bf is too busy 😇
arthur_leclerc Well I am the better driver
charles_leclerc No.
user82738 BOYFRIEND???
user15273 who lives in monaco... LANDOOOOO
user90192 Leo??? Why is y/n hanging out with his dog
ynusername beacause he's cute
user16372 not y/n hanging out with the leclerc brothers minus charles 😭
ynusername i spend too much time with charles user52763 @ ynusername wdym by that??
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liked by ynusername, lorenzotl, and 7, 811, 287 others charles_leclerc Much needed family time before the big race 🩷
landonorris Ooooh Charles the romantic
user82736 WHO IS SHE LET US IN
ynusername leo is adorable liked by charles_leclerc
user92831 oh i'm so ready for this gp
user18127 Y/N?
arthur_leclerc You're girlfriend is very pretty
charles_leclerc Stop. user63762 Girlfriend, Charles???
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liked by user82732, user98272, and 365 others user98276 y/n l/n in the ferrari garage... are u thinking what i'm thinking
user52873 i'm actually so confused like I was convinced that y/n and lando were a thing but now charles likeeee
user82766 REAL
user62873 Idc I'll believe in y/n and lando forever.
user52983 so is this confirming her wag era
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liked by luisinhaoliveira99, oscarpiastri, and 3, 627, 229 others landonorris Onto qualifying 💪 Absolutely buzzing to have my girlfriend with me this week too 🥰
luisinhaoliveira99 🧡🤍 liked by landonorris
ynusername open ur eyes mate
luisinhaoliveira99 I specifically told him not to blink too!!
user92647 Yeah what the fuck is going on
user42873 I KNOW LIKE HUH
user52846 she's so beautiful
user83552 How long have you been together for?
landonorris Almost a year haha. She told me I could finally 'hard launch'
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liked by charles_leclerc, maxfewtrell, and 56, 833 others ynusername omg arthur's brother won in monaco!
charles_leclerc Arthur's brother, really?!
ynusername my bad, arthur and lorenzo's brother!
user67299 Yeah this had GOT to be a hard launch...
user72924 holding hands in a ferrari like come on
scuderiaferrari ❤️🏎️ liked by ynusername
luisinhaoliveira99 Our guys on the podium together 💞
user63849 OUR GUYS WHATWHATWHAT
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liked by scuderiaferrari, ynusername, and 12, 782, 918 others charles_leclerc Wow my feelings cannot be described right now. Thank you to everyone single person who has made this possible for me. It has been a dream of mine since I was a boy to win in Monaco, and to finally achieve it with all the people I love the most is such a pleasure. Thank you thank you thank you ❤️🤍
ynusername sosososo proud of u
charles_leclerc Thank you Y/N 💗
landonorris Congrats big brother liked by charles_leclerc
user82374 Give him the title 'Prince of Monaco' already
user21938 awww charles and y/n on the last slide
user67245 My fav couple already
user72354 Charles is on fire this season 🔥🔥
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liked by charles_leclerc, maxfewtrell, and 1, 238, 276 others lando.jpg Good thing I bring a camera on night outs. Celebrating the big guy @ charles_leclerc's home win 🎉🥳🥂
user82287 HAHA FERNANDO
user52763 y/n and charles hehe
ynusername send the photos!!
lando.jpg Which one? The ones of u and Charles sucking face user62537 @ lando.jpg oh thank u for outing them
user55283 they all love charles so much omf
user82631 LANDO JUST CONFIRMING CHARLES AND Y/N LIKE IT'S NOTHING???
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view charles_leclerc's story
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liked by arthur_leclerc, lilyzneimer, and 62, 336 others ynusername happy birthday boyf!! i wish u loved me as much as you love leo 😔
landonorris BOYFRIEND???
ynusername you're acting as if u didn't introduce us and basically force us to date user52973 @ ynusername okay lando u little matchmaker
arthur_leclerc It only took a year and a bit to be instagram official
user62536 A YEAR? AND A BIT? WHAT THE FUCK
user52839 this is too much wow i'm still recovering from finding out that lando's been in a long term relationship and now you
charles_leclerc I love you and Leo equally
ynusername no i'm getting replaced by a dog
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liked by landonorris, ynusername, and 3, 265, 267 others charles_leclerc The only way I want to spend my birthday, love you mon belle 🩵
ynusername i mean we still have some other activities to do 😏
arthur_leclerc Oh my god ew
maxverstappen1 Happy Birthday mate :) liked by charles_leclerc
user82889 YES YES YES I LOVE CHARLES AND Y/N
user92893 this is the only couple i care about
landonorris Everyone say 'thank you lando'
ynusername thank 😒 you 😒 charles_leclerc I say thank you all the time.
let me know if you enjoyed this, i love seeing your comments and messages!! and as always, my inbox is open so feel free to drop a req!
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thatnewweeb · 4 months ago
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Arranged | Todoroki Shoto
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Summary | Endeavor and your father both always wanted to be higher in the hero rankings. In case you and Shoto do not achieve those goals, they decided you should enter a Quirk marriage to create an even better Quirk combination. However, you and Shoto didn't want to give into those demands. So how did you end up falling in love?
Content | Smut, fluffy, virginity loss, unprotected sex, aged up Shoto (third year, 18), discussion of marriage, alluded abuse of both Shoto and reader
Word Count | 2.4k+
A/N | I've had this idea for a while, this wasn't the original direction I had in mind, but this is how it went as I wrote. I'm trying to get better at writing smut! At the time of posting, I wrote this forever ago
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Your Quirk developed when you were 4 and a half years old. Since that day, your life changed, and not for the better. Since that day, you've been training. You've been training hard.
Almost the moment that your Quirk finally developed, your father had made an agreement with the number two hero. His boy had already developed his Quirk, and your father had been waiting for yours to finally appear.
Later that year, you met Endeavor's youngest son, the boy you were told you would later marry, provided everything followed the plan created by your fathers.
The next time you saw him, roughly six months later, he had gained a large facial scar on his left side, although you did not ask about it.
Throughout the next ten years, you saw the boy multiple times, training together on occasion. You had to learn how best to use your Quirks in cooperation with each other, as well as separately. That was somewhat difficult, considering Shoto's refusal to use his fire.
Despite also having a deep hatred of your father, you never refused to use his half of the Quirk you inherited.
Your Quirk is called Cryo-Phasing, giving you the ability to pass through objects, simultaneously freezing them. Your phasing Quirk works a little differently than Mirio's, being unable to pass through the floor.
Your father and Endeavor believed that combining your Quirks in a Quirk marriage could lead to a stronger version of the Ice Quirk, as well as possibly adding Phasing to the mix of Quirks, thus creating an even more powerful child.
It seemed like some things never changed.
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At age 15, you were accepted in UA through recommendations, being placed into Class 1-A, the same class as Shoto.
At the beginning of the year, it was unusual for the two of you to speak much, to each other or really to anyone else. You would spend time together, sure, but that was almost purely because you somewhat knew each other already. The only real interactions you had were sitting together during lunch breaks, and training together during class.
You both excelled in academics, combat and Quirk use. Of course, you had both been training for this your entire lives, training with some of the top heroes in Japan, so that was to be expected.
It wasn't until Midoriya helped Shoto to start coming out of his shell that you two started to actually get to know each other. He started to sit with Midoriya and his friends, but he didn't want you to become lonely, so he invited you to join them. Although you were quiet and difficult to get to know, he did hold some level of affection for you already. He figured that you were in a similar position to him, and that you would be able to relate to him and his issues.
During that time, Midoriya and his friends continued to help Shoto come out of his shell and open up to people, and also helped you to begin opening up too.
In particular, you and Shoto opened up to each other a lot.
Once UA implemented the dorm system, you and Shoto spent a lot of time together outside of school hours. It seemed to everyone that you were always together, whether that was in the common areas or one of your bedrooms.
Everyone was convinced that you both had crushes on each other, both being asked many times why you were not dating. Both of you claimed you were only friends.
Neither of you truly knew what it was you felt for each other, both being somewhat emotionally stunted from your upbringings, but you both knew it was something different from what you felt for your other friends. You both wanted to deny these feelings. After all, neither of you wanted to give in to what your fathers wanted for you.
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During your second year, you kissed for the first time. Everyone had thrown a birthday party for Shoto, and as everything was winding down and coming to an end, he had snuck away with you and took you to the balcony in his room, claiming he wanted some fresh air.
Once outside, he turned to you and informed you of a conversation he had with his father a few days prior. He had spoken to your father about breaking the marriage arrangement. Your father had been against it, but Endeavor insisted that Shoto is now free to make his own choices. Part of his atonement for his previous actions.
Your father was continuing to try convince Endeavor to change his mind, which is why you hadn't been informed.
He explained that he was still hesitant to give into what his father wanted, even if he had been let free from being basically forced to do them now.
You understood his feelings, of course you did, you'd been struggling with the same thoughts about this as him.
"Well, for now, while we figure everything out, how about we just try this?" you ask him, taking both his hands and stepping closer, leaning up.
He realised what you were doing and leaned down a little, your lips pressing together for the first time. When you went to pull away, his hands let go of yours, moving quickly to wrap around you, keeping you close to him, not letting you move away, or break the kiss.
You don't try fight him on it, arms moving to wrap around his neck as your lips move against his.
Once you finally do break the kiss, he moves one hand up to rest gently on the back of your head, guiding it to rest against his shoulder, allowing him to keep you close.
Just a moment later, you were interrupted by a small squeak from inside the bedroom. Shouto apparently hadn't locked the door, and someone had realised the birthday boy was no longer present at his own party, so a few friends had come looking for him. The squeak came from Uraraka, who quickly ran out of the room, being closely trailed by a slightly red Midoriya.
The two of you looked at each other and smiled softly. "I suppose we may have to answer some questions."
He nodded in response to your statement, leaving to re-join the party.
Ashido and Hagakure of course asked if you were dating now, which you both denied. For now, it was simply a kiss.
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"Are you going to Endeavor's agency once school is over?" You ask, laying with your bed hanging off the bed, looking at your best friend.
He gives a small nod. "I believe it will be the best place for me to start off." He says before talking a small, sharp breath. "Can we talk about something?"
You raise your eyebrows a little and sit up, patting the bed next to you, where he takes a seat. "Of course, what is it?"
"We're almost finished with UA, and I thought it may be time to finally discuss our relationship, before we leave school."
You take a small breath in this time, feeling a little nervous about what he is about to say. Your crush on the boy had never disappeared, but you never brought up your relationship again, not wanting him to feel pressured into making a choice he wasn't ready to make.
His hands find their way to grip yours gently, keeping eye contact with you. "I would like to go into this new part of our lives together. I am still a little hesitant for us to do what our father want from us, but it's what I want too, and I hope it is what you also want."
You bite your lip, letting go of his hands and throwing your arms around him. "Shoto, I would love that. I have wanted that for years."
He nods silently, one arm wrapping around your back, the other digging into his pocket. A moment later, he pulls a small, cute box out, pulling away from you a little so he can look you in the eyes as he hands the box to you.
"I've had this since I was 15. My father insisted I should give it to you, but I never did. I want you to have it," he says.
Inside is a small ring, with a delicate diamond, dainty and tasteful rather than being large and distracting. You bring your eyes back up to look at his, surprised.
"That ring is simply proof of my love for you. We should take things at my own pace. I'll buy you a ring myself one day. That will be when I really propose."
You smile, once again throwing your arms around him, this time putting your weight behind it to catch him off guard and knock him over.
Before he has a chance to say anything, you plant your lips firmly on his, bringing one hand to rest on his cheek, the other resting on his chest, legs holding you up as his hands immediately find your waist, giving into the kiss without any hesitation.
His fingers grip you tightly, breathing already beginning to get a little heavier. Although he has no experience, it seems as though he knows what to do, at least a little, moving his leg to press between your own.
One hand stays on your waist, the other moving to wrap around your back, holding you close to him and allowing him to press him leg up more, bouncing it softly.
His movements cause a soft moan to escape your lips, muffled by his own.
"You're so beautiful," he whispers breathlessly before connecting his lips to yours once again, seemingly wanting to have all contact he possibly can with you.
His tongue runs along your bottom lip, probing into your mouth, wanting to explore you as much as possible.
Breathlessly, you pull away from the kiss, looking down at him. His heterochromatic eyes stare back up at you, lids low with lust.
You sit up, pulling your shirt over your head, discarding it to a forgotten corner of the room. His hands quickly find their way back to your waist, biting his lip as he admires you. His staring makes you blush, but you know he's just taking it in.
His hands come up higher and carefully, yet slightly clumsily, undo your bra, slipping it off your body, throwing it in the same general direction as your shirt, quickly moving one hand to your left breast, sitting up and leaning his head to take your right nipple into his mouth.
You bite your lip, moaning softly. Your arm wraps around him, one hand coming up to play with his hair. You give it a gentle tug, making him groan softly.
Carefully, he moves so that you're underneath him, mouth not leaving your breast until your back is pressed against the bed.
Your hands find your way under his shirt, resting on his abdomen, prompting him to discard his too.
He leans down to kiss you once again, hands moving down to undo the shorts you're wearing, shuffling them down your thighs along with your panties. His long fingers drag slowly down your slit.
"You're so wet for me already, baby," he whispers in your ear.
His fingers continue to tease you, dipping slightly into you, but never quite giving you what you want, enjoying your moans as they get increasingly desperate.
You only want more and more as you feel his clothed cock pressing against your thigh.
“Shoto, please,” you whimper, needing more than what he’s giving you.
He chuckles softly. “Because you asked so nicely,” he whispers, slipping two fingers inside you, moving them slowly.
You moan softly, eyes closing and head leaning back. His movements speed up, fingers quickly finding your sweet spot. His thumb moves to your clit, your moans growing louder.
“S-Shoto, so good, so close,” you moan, looking up at him, orgasm building inside you.
Shoto kisses you, tongue finding it’s way into your mouth immediately, swallowing your moans as you get closer and closer to your release.
Then, right before you get there, his fingers suddenly withdraw. Your eyes shoot open and you look up at him, breathless and confused.
He laughs softly. “You look so pretty like that, baby,” He kisses your forehead, unable to resist at the sight of your bemused pout. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to leave you unsatisfied.”
He quickly takes off his pants, his cock straining against his boxers to get out. When he finally lets it free, your mouth falls open slightly at how big he is. You’d expected him to be big, but not that big.
His hand runs up and down his cock a few times, spreading the juices on his fingers onto his cock before pressing up against your hole, which is already missing the fullness of his fingers.
“You ready, beautiful?” he asks you. You nod, taking your lower lip between your teeth.
He slowly pushes his cock into you, taking in a deep breath. “Been waiting so long for this, baby,” he whispers in your ear before moving to kiss your neck.
Your moans sound so sweet in his ear, moving slowly to give you time to adjust to the new stretch. He stills for a moment when he bottoms out inside you, stopping to kiss you.
“Are you ready, beautiful?” he asks you softly. He waits for your confirmation before moving, pulling out a little before thrusting back inside.
He pulls out a little further each time, cock seemingly perfect for finding that sweet spot inside you, as if your bodies are made perfectly for each other.
"You look so pretty for me, baby," he whispers, eyes staying on you, wanting to see your reactions to his movements, enjoying the look of bliss on your face.
You moan each time he thrusts inside you. "Your cock feels so good, baby," you whisper breathlessly.
His fingers find their way back to your clit, rubbing gently to begin with, rubbing a little harder as he continues.
"I'm getting close, baby," he whispers, breath heavy and small beads of sweat on his forehead. You nod to tell him you are too, moans interrupting your speech when you try to vocalise it.
He rubs harder, moaning as he feels your pussy tighten around him, getting him closer to his own orgasm as you reach your own climax.
Right before he reaches his own high, he pulls out, finishing on your abdomen and thighs.
For a minute, he stays where he is, both breathing heavily and just enjoying the moment.
When he does finally get up, he goes and grabs a warm cloth, cleaning you up, neither of you saying anything.
He climbs onto the bed and lays next to you, wrapping his arm around you. "This was worth the wait," he whispers to you, making you laugh softly.
"I agree."
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farshootergotme · 2 months ago
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Now that I have the confidence to send you asks, fully expect me to bug you periodically from here on out
Anyways- do you think Dick qualifies as a scapegoat? Cause I 100% think he's a scapegoat. People always try to shove the 'golden child' role onto Dick, and it always confused me cause like. He doesn't fit it at all if you actually look into what a golden child is.
Dick is definitely one of the scapegoats of the batfamily (Jason being the other) and it makes me sad that people always label him a golden child when he's the exact opposite. Seriously- he's hit, beaten, unfairly blamed, lashed out at, not told about important things (Jason or being replaced, Jason dying, Jason's funeral, probably other things, i wouldn't be surprised), etc. Definition of a scapegoat to me.
It's also why I hesitate to label him the 'favorite' even when the comics try to say otherwise. Mostly because... favorite children aren't really treated this way. Favorite weapon, maybe, as I've said in a post I've made before, but that's it. Bruce wouldn't kill for him or any of his kids. He's come close, yeah, but he's also come close to killing the Joker too after Jason's death and had to be threatened into not doing it. Every time, it's in a strong surge of emotion, and the second Bruce thinks rationally- well, he doesn't do it. Dick isn't at all unique, Bruce wouldn't kill for him either.
I think Bruce is the most proud of Dick, and has a unique relationship with him due to knowing him the longest and the parentification, but I don't think that makes him the favorite. Maybe to the other batkids, but probably not in reality.
I don't think Bruce really HAS a favorite- Dick is probably the closest to it, but still.
Though, if you wanna play around with angst and fanon ideas, maybe both Dick and Jason are the favorites and that's why Bruce treats them the worst? Dunno, it'd make a fun fic, even if it's not really grounded in canon (though I ignore RHATO and Comic UTRH).
Idk. Just,, gestures. Dick is a scapegoat to me.
Hope my 2 am rambling made sense lol
Okay, I see you, but I'll argue:
Dick Grayson is both the scapegoat and the golden child.
Now, you might not believe this since he doesn't tend to be both at the same time, and it isn't common for these roles to exist within the same individual. But Dick Grayson is praised and favored as much as he's blamed and pushed.
A golden child is the one who carries most of the expectations in the family. The parent expects them to be perfect, make no mistakes, take on roles they're pushed into with no issue (thus parentification can happen), and continue on and on to be good enough and meet the criteria so they don't make the parent disappointed.
The love is conditional hence they develop this unhealthy perfectionism and self-esteem and self-worth issues that will follow them till adulthood even when they're out of that environment and living their own lives.
The reason why a parent might choose a specific child (or children) to be the favored one is because they tend to see this child as an extension of themselves. And consequential to this, they will project their insecurities onto said child and force them to improve—be the best—where they fall short. All of their capabilities are overvalued, making the parent see them as special and much better than the rest, causing the unrealistic expectations a child must hold and fulfill so as not to “fail” their parent(s).
Although this child might seem like the favorite and who could do no wrong on the outside, the love they receive isn't something they can take for granted.
When a golden child underperforms or isn't as good as they're expected, the parent’s demeanor might change. They will feel the disappointment and fear this might cause the treatment they get to change. Sometimes the child might even fear abandonment or rejection from their parent as a result of their failures.
The mix of all this turns into a person who's over-competent, hard-working and someone that tends to take charge of things so they aren't at risk of failing, making them ‘natural’ leaders in any group they might be part of.
Sounding familiar yet?
Now, let's move on to the scapegoat:
A scapegoat child is the one that is blamed by all the things that go wrong in the family. They are constantly criticized and shamed by things they might've not even been part of, but somehow they're now involved and taking all the blame for the others so there are no consequences for anyone but them.
(All the blame also messes with their perception of certain events, making them prone to self-blame for the problems that occur in the family or their behaviors towards them.)
The scapegoating in the family may be due to subconscious projection from the parent when they're dealing with difficult emotions such as shame, guilt, rage, etc. They feel threatened by their own feelings and therefore they will try to escape from them by externalizing those feelings and making them their scapegoat’s problem.
Because of this treatment, the scapegoat might become an outsider in the family, feeling excluded and isolated from the rest. And for this, when push comes to shove and they're going through a rough patch, they will not have any reliable support they can go to inside the family as they'll be ignored or otherwise unfairly treated, having their feelings be invalidated.
Like the golden child, there's some aspects the scapegoat shares with the former:
Being treated differently by the parent/family.
Having unrealistic expectations placed upon them.
Being pushed into roles or responsibilities the child isn't meant to take.
Fear of expressing how they feel.
Self-worth issues and low self-esteem.
Although they're usually roles that are considered opposites, they aren't as incompatible as one might think. A child can alternate between being a scapegoat or the golden child, and this usually happens when the parent is very emotionally unstable, commonly due to a disorder such as narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or borderline personality disorder (BPD).
(I have so many thoughts about the latter applying to Bruce, but I will refrain from elaborating to not make this longer than it needs to be)
Having all I've said until now in consideration, I'm sure you've noticed how Dick meets both criterias—dare I say the golden child more often than the scapegoat.
Bruce is always speaking about how Dick is “better than him” and “the thing he's ever done right”, but in both of these statements you can see he's taking who Dick is and making it as something that's part of him, comparing Dick's accomplishments to his and putting him in this pedestal, and because of this projection happens and Bruce starts seeing Dick as an extension of himself.
This is why, when he or Dick fail, Dick will suddenly become the scapegoat, contrasting with the former golden child position he was in.
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Here you can see the high expectations, praise for his accomplishments, his siblings feeling like Dick is better than them (i.e. treated differently than the rest), and you can also see how when he doesn't meet the expectations, he's met with disappointment (see: Alfred disappointed he's not as bright as he usually is) or judgment (see: Bruce angry at him because he isn't committing to his cause as much as he expects him to).
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And these are examples of Bruce being too harsh on Dick and expecting him to do better, blaming him for his brother's death, and in result Dick having a habit of blaming himself and accepting mistreatment, thinking it must be his fault.
More often than not, Dick is put on a pedestal by his family and even his friends sometimes. They praise and love him, but when there's occasions in which he's acting less than perfect, the treatment towards him can change.
Dick Grayson can be the golden child as much as he can be the scapegoat.
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i-drop-level-one-loot · 1 year ago
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If you're comfortable with doing smut, can you do a yan! best friend fic where reader says one night "I'm still a virgin" (yk because he never lets them go out) so he almost immediately changes that.
Will oblige <3
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(Reader) cracked open another beer, a small frown on their tipsy face as they sat on their living room floor.
Not three hours earlier, (Reader) had been excitedly trying to sneak out of work after clocking off, hoping to do so without being caught by their best friend. (Reader) had seen their best friend getting chewed out by their management, so a small (not so) guilty part of them hoped that he would be stuck staying late to make up for whatever it was that he had done wrong. But as (Reader) silently clocked off, Max's voice right behind them startled (Reader) so bad they released a squeak.
"Why do you look so guilty?" He had meant it as a joke, but (Reader's) uncomfortable attempt at a smile caught him off guard.
"Heyyy.. I thought you were working late?"
"No? Why would I be?"
(Reader) swallowed hard, a tight smile still twitching on their lips. "Ah, the stars told me so! I knew astrology was a sham!" They replied sarcastically, unable to contain their annoyance.
"Is everything okay, (Reader)?" Max asked in a concerned tone, leaning in to better read (Reader's) expressions.
"I was just... hoping to go out drinking tonight. I was pretty excited to get home quickly and get changed."
Max's concern melted into another happy smile. "Oh, that sounds like fun!"
"Really?!" (Reader) was sure that Max would lecture them on the dangers of public drinking, or the disturbing hygiene levels of pubs, which is why they wanted to sneak out in the first place. Max was an amazing friend. An understanding, ride-or-die kind of man, (Reader's) sidekick since middle school, extremely hot, and the only person (Reader) felt they could trust with (almost) any secret.
There was only one problem..
Max was controlling. He was never mean about it, and (Reader) never felt like their friendship was abusive, but he was so nervous about everything that (Reader) didn't have much of a social life outside of work and it was starting to drive them crazy. He even moved in to the apartment right next to (Reader) so that whenever they tried to go out without him, he always knew.
"Of course! Why don't you start heading home, and I'll go pick up some beers?"
(Reader's) heart sunk. "S-sounds good.." they feebly attempted to appear pumped, smiling while raising a fist.
Which is why (Reader) was now in their comfortable pajamas getting drunk on the floor in front of their couch, increasingly becoming more and more frustrated while their best friend watched TV, oblivious to (Reader's) bubbling anger.
The dumb comedy made Max chuckle, the booze turning him silly. Usually it was contagious, but at that moment his laughter grated on (Reader's) nerves.
Max finally got the hint that (Reader) might be upset when they loudly crushed their empty can in irritation. "What's going on down there, (Nickname)?"
"I wanted to drink at a bar." (Reader) grumbled, reaching for another drink.
"What? Why?" Max asked, honestly confused as to where this was coming from. "Bars aren't safe, especially for cute people like you. Do you know how many people only go to bars to try and take home drunk people?"
His words snapped (Reader's) patience. "That's what I was going for."
"What?!"
(Reader) jumped to their feet, exasperated. "Oh my GOD, Max. I have needs! I want to fuck, Max, I. Want. To. Fuck." They ran their hands through their hair, leaving Max shell shocked and bright red. "It's getting pathetic, like, really sad. I can't even masturbate, because I'm afraid you'll hear me through the walls."
They collapsed back onto their ass, hands covering their heated eyes.
"You've chased away everyone I've ever had a crush on. I've never had a real relationship. I'm still a virgin. I just wanted to go out and have fun..." (Reader) whined, almost on the verge of tears.
Max slinked off the couch towards (Reader's) curled up form, gently prying (Reader's) hands away from their eyes. "Why didn't you ever consider me?"
"What?" (Reader) pulled away, falling back onto their elbows as Max continued crawling over them.
"I spent so many years praying you would look at me like a man instead of just as your friend. If you were so pent up, why didn't you ever turn to me?"
(Reader) flushed, their dumb little drunk mind having difficulty understanding what Max was trying to say. "Y-you're only saying that because you're drunk." They stuttered, the feeling of their friend's breath tickling their lips making them squeeze their thighs shut instinctively.
"Do you remember, when we were in highschool, and you told me that you liked Robin? That less than average looking basketball player?" Max leaned in, trapping (Reader) with his arms as one knee forced apart their legs, pressing against their crotch. "Do you remember how hard I worked to constantly keep you two apart?"
(Reader) bit their lip to contain a moan. Why were they so turned on right now? They tried to convince themselves it was the alcohol, but the scent of Max's favorite aftershave was making them quiver.
"There's nothing embarrassing about being a virgin, (Reader).." Max tugged on their ear lobe with his teeth, "but if you want, I'll gladly take it for you."
Despite his words of consent, Max's lips were on (Reader's) before they could answer, hungry and dominating, tasting every corner of their mouth while he rubbed his knee against (Reader's) fully aroused sex.
Pulling back, Max smirked at the blushing mess under him, wiping some of (Reader's) saliva off his lip with his thumb. "I never wanted to be your friend." He pulled off his shirt, while smiling almost teasingly.
'This isn't like Max...' (Reader's) half gone mind puzzled. It was like he was possessed.
"Do you know how painful it was, being in love with someone as oblivious as you? How many times you would invite me to sleepovers, and I would spend the entire night watching you sleep?"
His large hands reached down to his zipper, drawing (Reader's) attention to the noticable bulge straining against his pants. "I wanted our first time together to be after you finally fell for me, but..." he pulled down the zipper, and released his erect cock out over the top of his boxers. "... I have the rest of our lives to make you love me."
(Reader's) eyes widened at the size. They hadn't seen a dick that big in real life before, their only frame of reference for erections being in porn. "I don't think that'll fit." They spoke quietly, almost in a whisper.
Max smiled wider, his eyes almost watering with how hot they had become. "It will if you make sure it's wet enough." And for the first time that night, (Reader) understood what Max was saying. They sat up, nervously bringing their face closer towards Max's exposed dick. With experimental touches, their fingers danced along his shaft. At first they were scared that in their drunkenness they couldn't make Max feel good, but soon what little was left of their mind was overcome by desire. (Reader) kissed the tip before thrusting Max's cock as deep into their throat as it could reach. They had imagined themselves doing this so many times that (Reader) thought they knew what to do, but the smell and taste, the building yearning in their groin, and his pleasured moans... There was so much happening all at once that it made it hard to focus on just sucking him off.
(Reader) looked up into Max's eyes, searching for approval, searching for a sign that they were doing a good job. Apparently looking up was the right thing to do, because Max cried out suddenly and pulled himself out of (Reader's) mouth. "God, you're so cute! I can't hold it anymore, (Reader)..."
Max stood to remove his clothes entirely, before getting back on his knees to tear off (Reader's) pajamas. As their pants came off, it was received that they hadn't been wearing any sort of undergarments, which made Max pause, eyes widening and scarlet face deepening.
"Is.. is something wrong?" (Reader) asked fearfully.
"You're more beautiful than I imagined."
As (Reader) soaked in his words, Max was already positioning his drool lubricated member against (Reader's) hole.
He slowly entered his best friend, and laughed as he felt their body swallow him up. "God, you have no idea how long I've wanted to do this!" The second he was fully submerged he began fucking (Reader) hard and fast, unable to hold himself back, especially when their pleased gasps and cries of pleasure sang from their lips unconstrained. (Reader) clawed at Max's back, not knowing where to put their hands but needing to touch him everywhere.
"Fuck, you look so sexy right now. I love you so much, (Reader)."
(Reader) felt their walls subconsciously constrict at Max's words. They thought about every single time they had ever noticed how attractive he was, and how they would chastise themselves for thinking about their best friend that way.
"I love you too."
Max leaned back, pulling (Reader) up with them as he continued pumping in and out of (Reader) like a machine. "Say it again."
Something was getting tighter in (Reader's) stomach, and they felt like it was going to pop.
"I love you too!"
Max's speed picked up, like a desperate animal. "Again."
"I love you, Max!"
A hot feeling spread throughout (Reader's) insides as Max came inside them, his thick cum triggering their own orgasm.
His hold on (Reader) did not loosen, keeping his grip cemented as though they would disappear if he let go. Even after (Reader) passed out he didn't pull out, simply lying back with (Reader) now on his stomach. Max finally had them, the person he had been head over heels for for the past decade. And as he fell asleep what replayed in his now sober mind wasn't how (Reader's) body felt on his, but their words, echoing on loop in his mind.
"I love you too!"
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steddie-island · 2 months ago
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Champagne kisses
@softsteddieseptember week 3: Anniversary Rating: G | WC: 1,406 | Tags: Getting together, first kiss, Eddie Munson lives Find full list of tags on ao3 | Divider credit
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Eddie woke to the sound of pebbles hitting his window. He looked around for his watch to check the time, then carefully climbed out of bed.
He'd expected to see Dustin, or Mike, or even Max, one of the shitheads. He hadn't expected Steve on the other side, with a palmful of gravel— a piece of which narrowly missed hitting Eddie as he opened the window.
"Steve, what the fuck?" Eddie's nose wrinkled and he looked at the other boy with one eye cracked open. "You have a key, you couldn't just let yourself in?"
"I was hoping you'd come out, actually." Steve bounced his hand, letting the rocks drop back to the ground around his feet. "I've got a surprise for you."
"A surprise, huh? And it couldn't wait until tomorrow?" Eddie heaved a put-upon sigh, his head tipping back and his gaze catching the swirls of paint on his ceiling. "All right. Let me grab my shoes."
Steve grinned and watched as Eddie disappeared back into the darkness of his bedroom.
Eddie climbed out the window and dropped carefully to his feet. It pulled his scars, made his joints complain, made Steve curse and step forward to help him. He held his hands out with both thumbs up to show he was okay before tugging his leather jacket on. "This better be good, Harrington."
Steve just grinned and jogged to his car to grab a black totebag. "It will be. I hope you brought your keys, Munson."
Eddie was dying to know what was in the bag, what couldn't have waited, but found that he was willing to be a little patient if Steve kept smiling the way he was. He followed after Steve to unlock the van, and a few moments later they were bumping their way down the road in Eddie's new used van.
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The quarry stretched out before them. Eddie smoked a cigarette while he watched the place where the stars and the ground met. Even if he hadn't been threatened with loss of life and limb if he'd tried to watch what Steve was doing with the black bag behind him, the horizon was where his eyes would've strayed to anyway.
There were a million possibilities in that horizon. He could point the van and just drive until he ran out of gas, start over as whoever and whatever he wanted to be. It made him feel small, insignificant, but not in a way that made him feel bad. It was comforting, knowing that there were stil places he could go where people wouldn't think of dead teenagers as soon as they heard his name. He just had to get up and do it.
And he would. Someday. Eventually.
Still, as beautiful and comforting as the horizon was, the sound of paper, of a tape dispenser, the crinkling of plastic, it was definitely harder than usual to keep his eyes locked there and not behind him.
"C'mon, Harrington. How much longer is this gonna take?"
"I'm almost finished— Eddie I told you, do not turn around!" Steve said. "I tried to do this before I woke you up but your van was locked. Now just— be patient."
Eddie rolled his eyes, but he was smiling as he tossed the cigarette butt to the ground and stubbed it out with the toe of his sneaker.
There was the flicking of a lighter that washed the van in Eddie's peripheral vision a soft orange color. "Okay, look."
Eddie turned around with a smartass remark ready, but it died on his tongue.
There were streamers taped to the walls of the van, and there were plastic champagne flutes sitting next to a cake that had something nearly illeligable written on it. And there was Steve, smiling almost shyly as he picked the cake up, showing the candles he'd lit around one edge of the cake. Candlelight flickered over his face, danced in his eyes, and Eddie felt his breath catch in his chest.
"Happy… what?" he asked, when he managed to talk again.
"Anniversary," Steve said, flushing. "Sorry, it said happy birthday and I had to wipe that off, but then I had a hard time trying to write over it. But— you should blow the candles out before your cake gets coated in wax."
Eddie leaned in and blew the candles out, turning the van dark again. "Hold on." He dug in the crate he'd learned to keep full of shit that would come in handy in an emergency and came away with an "A-ha!" before turning the little lantern on. It filled the van with gentle orange light again. It didn't dance the way the candlelight had, but Eddie was still struck once more by how beautiful Steve was.
It didn't last for long, because it occurred to him that he wasn't sure what exactly they were celebrating.
"So… what… anniversary is this?" he asked.
Steve huffed out a laugh and passed over a plastic fork. "You don't remember?"
"Shit, no. I'm not good with— any of those things." Eddie ran a hand over the back of his neck. "I'm sorry, man, it's— I'll try to remember next time."
"Eddie, it's okay. It's… it's your anniversary." Steve picked wax drips off of the cake, avoiding Eddie's eyes. "You woke up a year ago today."
Eddie was quiet for a long moment. He could only watch Steve, until he noticed more pink flood into Steve's cheeks as the other boy looked up at him again. "I did?" he asked finally. "You… you remember?"
"They thought you might never wake up," Steve said, shaking his head. "Jesus, man. I spent so long at your bedside. We— we all did, just… begging you to wake up. Then… you did." He flicked a piece of wax onto the store bag he'd pulled the cake out of. "Of course I remember." He shrugged one shoulder, and Eddie all but heard the, "how could I not?" that he didn't say out loud.
Of course Steve had remembered. Steve, who had spent so many hours, so many days sitting beside Eddie's bed. Eddie didn't remember any of it, but he did remember the first face he saw when he woke up. He remembered Steve, slumped down in the uncomfortable hospital chair, his legs hanging over the arm of it. He'd been dozing lightly, at at the smallest movement from Eddie he'd been up and beside Eddie's bed, grabbing his hand and ringing for the nurses.
Steve's relief had been palpable. He'd looked the way Eddie had felt. He still looked that way sometimes, when Eddie caught him not watching whatever movie they had on. It was like Steve could hardly believe that Eddie was there, like he might've been lost if Eddie hadn't survived.
Eddie watched the way the lamplight played on Steve's face, casting part of it in shadow. Somehow he hadn't just survived, but he'd found this beautiful boy who liked spending time with him, who listened to him talk about D&D and music. Steve remembered, too— or tried to. After all of the thumps to the head, some of the details slipped away sometimes. But Eddie could see how hard he tried.
Steve made Eddie want to try, too. Made Eddie want to learn about sports even after all the shit he'd said about them in high school, just so he could chime in when Steve and Wayne were watching the game together. He liked the way Steve smiled when he noticed Eddie listening to him, too. He wanted Steve to always smile like that.
He wanted to be the one to make Steve smile like that.
Not for the first time, Eddie found himself wanting to kiss Steve Harrington.
Only this time, for the first time, he actually did.
Their first kiss tasted like chocolate cake and champagne and Eddie never wanted it to end. Even so, it didn't last long.
When Steve pulled back he looked surprised, but he was smiling. "What was that for?"
"Something else for us to remember when this rolls around again next year," Eddie said.
Steve's smile softened, and Eddie felt his heart skip a beat in his chest. "I like the sound of that," he said. "Maybe we should keep practicing, to have something even better to remember next year."
Eddie laughed, but when Steve leaned in again, he was happy to meet in the middle.
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adragonsfriend · 3 months ago
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Use this one trick to instantly fix all childhood trauma (Jedi Masters don’t want you to know this)!!!!!
That is what every “if Obi-Wan had just— *adds one extra scene to canon* —then Anakin would’ve had perfect mental health and never listened to Palpatine at all,” sounds like to me. Look I am not an expert on any kind of psychology at all let alone early childhood development but,
It is possible to do your very best to help or raise someone and still have bad or imperfect outcomes, especially when you have someone actively, secretly working against you (cough cough Sith Lord of the month cough), (for many reasons, but in this case particularly), because unravelling the mindset built in early childhood is hard, actually.
Coming at this from the “raised in a safe and loving environment” side of things, it took me years to figure out and internalize that my friends whose parents weren’t as great as mine were functioning in an entirely different landscape when it came to their interactions with adults.
Many years ago when I was in middle school a friend (acquaintance? idk I think most people thought I was annoying) told me that her ankle kept giving out and causing her pain. I asked if she'd told her parents so she could rest or go to the doctor. She told me she had, but her mother either hadn't listened or refused to help. My (approximate) responses?
"So it's not actually that bad then?"
"You should tell her again."
"Are you sure you explained it right?"
The only explanation I could comprehend at the time was that there must have been some unclear communication about the situation or its severity--if her mother had understood she was in pain, she couldn't possibly have just not done anything about it? Adults are responsible, caring, etcetera! They wouldn't do that?!
With more experience, I've come to understand better, and learned to respond in kinder, more helpful ways, but the shift in mindset was not and is not intuitive.
And I had the luxury of figuring all that out whilst being safe myself. Coming from the other direction, being in danger and trying to figure out why other people act like the world is safe? I can't say for sure, but I imagine it’s a lot more complicated.
Point with regard to Star Wars being, it really is harder for Anakin, coming in later, to acclimate to the Jedi ways and thought processes than it is for his peers who grew up in the safe environment of the Temple. And whatever arguments people want to have about how much psychology and therapy exist in the Star Wars universe, or how much “Jedi just do cognitive behavioral therapy” (not totally inaccurate, but reductive on several levels), no matter what the answers to those questions, it will still be harder for Anakin.
There is a reason the council changes its mind on training him only after he is suddenly famous and the Sith are proven to be back. When Anakin was not in significant danger of being snatched up by someone else, it was genuinely probably the easier and safer option—for him and everyone else—for him to live a different life.
The Jedi are not necessarily fully prepared for a child with Anakin's history, and, there is nothing bad about living an ordinary life. Anakin would not have been somehow unforgivably robbed by living life as a mechanic or an engineer or something, rather than being a Jedi.
Anakin is a victim of many things in his life—Sidious, Watto, Gardulla, Tatooine’s everything, his own conscious choices—but he is not a victim of malice, incompetence, or idiocy by the Jedi just because they couldn't—in only a decade or so—help him fully and perfectly unravel the mindset he developed in his early childhood. If there was any lack of qualification on their part, it was one they were aware of—but which was outweighed by the danger of little Anakin getting kidnapped out of normal-kid elementary school.
Being brought up in and around slavery absolutely made him more vulnerable to Sidous and became the basis of their dynamic as master and apprentice. Acting like the trauma that affects his mindset and actions for his entire life can be obliterated just by making minimal changes to the plot is wild to me.
And don’t get me wrong, fics and headcanons can do whatever they want, not everyone wants or is trying to write a deep psychological character study (also fanfic and even fiction in general cannot and should not be held to any standard of realism if it's not serving the story and the author)—simple fix-it’s (my love) are fun and an excellent short-cut to other things like happiness and fluff (my other loves)—but don’t act serious about the idea that adding one conversation about his feelings or one extra explanation about Jedi philosophy would automatically lead to Anakin having perfect mental health outcomes and always making good decisions.
Disclaimer (if the ones throughout weren't enough) : please go forth and do whatever you want. the moral of this post is actually just that (1) you won’t convince me, (2) I wanted to talk about this, (3) the clickbait title was too funny not to post, (4) i literally can't open my mouth without phrasing things like i'm in the middle of a heated debate, and (5) i continue to not be an expert in early childhood development—my evidence is very literally anecdotal
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molsno · 8 months ago
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do you know how it feels to be thrown away? to be made aware that dozens, hundreds of people hate you and want you dead?
that's the daily reality of trans women, and it's inescapable.
everyone keeps asking us why we're so angry, why we overreact to everything. how would you feel if day after day after day, everyone around you reacted to everything you say with utter malice, told you you were dangerous, demanded everyone stay away from you, twisted your words to make you look like the worst person who's ever lived? would you be content with that? you really wouldn't get angry? that wouldn't put you on edge? I find that hard to believe.
it's actually normal to make mistakes, or so I've heard. people say that if you say something insensitive, or you talk too much, or your voice is too loud, or you accidentally hurt someone, it's not the end of the world. people might roll their eyes, or there might be an uncomfortable silence, or the person you hurt might not talk to you for a while, but they'll move on, or forget about it, or ask you to apologize. you can be forgiven.
is that really true? I've always been made aware that if I slip up even once, make one tiny mistake, I'll be treated like I'm the scum of the earth. I'll be viciously ostracized at the drop of a hat without warning for one little faux-pas. for some reason, if I'm not perfect, people tell me to kill myself. sometimes I wonder if they have a point.
what is it like to be taken in good faith, I wonder? I wouldn't know. I always want to assume other people have good intentions, so I often take people in good faith, even when they disagree with me, or they have a problem with what I said. even if they're being hostile to me, even if they're ineloquent, even if they willfully misunderstand what I'm saying, I try to see things from their perspective and forge a human connection with them. after all, how are we supposed to build a better world together if we can't look past each other's shortcomings and try to come to a mutual conclusion, person-to-person? whenever I try to do this with someone, I almost always become painfully aware that they don't see me as a person.
does it surprise you that most of us are walking bundles of nerves, fueled by trauma inflicted by people who regularly try to kill us? are we supposed to be calm and rational when someone hates us and decides to make it our problem?
would you be?
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alphajocklover · 2 months ago
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Hey man, so I've tried to be passive most of my life and not cause trouble. Not breaking many rules, doing as I'm told, and it just leaves me with so much missed chances and getting walked all over. I'm kind of tired of it.
I wanna be abrasive, not rude but confident. Almost cocky. And I want the looks to match. I wanna be huge, and bulky, and hairy too. I don't wanna be smart and focused on academics, I wanna chuck balls and pump my cock all day. Weird enough too, I wanna be sweaty. I wanna raise my arms and watch a bunch of gay dudes just melt like puddy.
The best part is, I wanna *feel* this transformation. I want to watch my arms get huge, I wanna hear my voice get deeper, and my chest push out and almost tear my chest. I wanna be...I wanna be...I wanna be a fuckin JOCK
I want to start by assuring you that everything you’ve said, everything you’ve been feeling, makes sense. There are a lot of people out there who are like you, people who have spent their entire lives just blending in. It’s natural to want to fit in, but when you spend so much of your life trying to fit into the norm, it can be easy to forget who you really want to be. When that happens, most people try to change things up. Some chase after a specific new self they dream of being, while others experiment with different identities, trying to find one that fits. But then, there's people like you. People who have spent far too long trying to fit in. For people like you, blending in isn’t a curse: it’s a superpower.
What you have to understand is that a person's identity is far more powerful than you might realize. There's a reason people take names so seriously. Psychologically, socially, and even magically, they’re important. So when a person leaves so much of their identity up to the people around them… it makes sense that a transformation might occur. That they change, literally change, to blend in with others. We call these people Camous. People who have the power to socially blend in, literally, with the world around them. They’re sort of the opposite of Alphas. Alphas change reality to fit their whims, Campus change to fit reality. And from what I hear, you’re becoming one. I know this might sound a little frightening, since having your identity threatened will do that to anyone. But this is a good thing. While changing is scary, you won’t change entirely. Your body, your personality, your traits, and even your reality will change depending on who you’re around, but the core of your identity, your soul will stay the same. You’ll still be you, just… altered. And being a Camou gives you a lot of advantages. It’s true that you won’t ever stand out really, but you’ll always fit in and always be part of a group. And, better than that, you can use your power to choose who you want to be. You want to be a jock, right? A sweaty, hairy, manly jock who makes gay guys weak in the knees? All you have to do is find a group of jocks to join! It isn’t hard to find a group of jocks, even the specific type of hairy gay jocks you’re looking for. You just have to find the right gym, and I know just the one. The Jockstrap is a local gym specifically made to cater to people like you. Or the people you want to be like I suppose. I want you to take a deep breath as we enter. Do you smell that sweat? That manly musk? Breathe in deep, it’ll help the process. Unlike one of the more famous transformation methods I’ve written about, this one isn’t instant. You’re going to feel your biceps fill with muscle, your pecs bursting forward as your body is covered in a respectable smattering of manly hair. It’s already happening. Your shoulders are widening as your chest continues to grow, needing more room on your body. Your legs, your arms, your ass… everything is growing. But that isn’t the only thing that's changing. Your mind is too. I can see the excitement in your eyes as you look around. Working out, exercising, playing sports, hanging with the bros… you’re already getting excited by the thought of it. And without getting too explicit, it’s obvious that you’re excited in other ways. I can see it through your sweat pants (I guess your clothing changed too) and it must be at least 8 inches by now, soft. That rod, your muscles, and the sheer amount of manly musk that's coming from your body now? You’re going to have twinks throwing themselves at you.
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Now, since you’re a Camou this transformation isn’t permanent. It’ll last for a while, longer depending on how much time you spend at the gym surrounded by your new bros. The general rule is if you spend one hour with a group, you get three hours as one of them, unless you spend time with a new group immediately after. But the really exciting part is that once you have a form, you can turn into that version of yourself… with some practice, and if you aren’t currently with a large group. 
I honestly can’t believe I haven’t talked about Camous beforehand. Granted, you’re only the second Camou I’ve ever met, but they’re so interesting I can’t believe I’ve never brought them up. I hope you enjoy being a jock, or whoever else you want to try out being. Just, try not to fall in with a bad crowd.
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ethereal-night-fairy · 4 months ago
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Slasher!Soap x Suicidal!Reader
For some reason he's back and acting sweeter than ever. You don't know what to make of it. Maybe this time you could convince him to finish what he started.
Slasher Masterlist
Warning: MDNI dark themes, dead dove, suicidal ideation, pred/prey dynamic, mention of murder and attempted murder, horny thoughts, dub-con behaviour, crude and objectifying language, harassment and torture, manipulation, lying, non-con elements, mention of fingering and giving head, fear mongering, roughhousing, taunting and baiting, threats of violence, threats of sexual violence, sorry if I missed any.
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“Oh…” you halt your steps.
“What's wrong Dove?”
“You're trying to fix me,” the realisation suddenly hits you as the man holding your hand halts abruptly at your jarring words.
“What Dove?” Soap lets go of your hand so he can turn and face you fully. His glacier eyes pierce into your inquisitive ones but remain uncomfortably neutral. You could no longer see the crinkle of laughter in his eyes.
“You're trying to fix me,” you reiterate as you look at him incredulously. “You're trying to make me happy so you'd get a kick out of killing someone who wants to live.” You say it almost to yourself rather than at him.
Everything made sense now. You were so confused as to why he had showed up again. Or why he was in your apartment taking care of you while you studied for your last exam. Or why he was fussing so much about the food you were eating. You weren't going to lie being taken care of felt good but it felt disingenuous coming from him. Especially when you knew all about heinous acts he had committed. You wonder why you brushed past that so easily. He was too deceptive for his own good. It was easy to get lost in conversations when talking to him.
After the last incident you didn't think he'd want to come back to finish the job. Especially not when you had seen that expression on his face. Looking at him now you see his smile turn into a cold one as he picks at the cotton candy he bought you. You get a flash of his unnaturally sharp canines as the sugary goodness melts on his tongue. The same tongue that was lapping at your folds just a couple hours ago.
“Well there's no fun in killing the dead hen. Ah’ve told ye that already,” He circles you like a predator in the almost empty parking lot of this carnival. It was late and the rides were closed up and the remaining people were leaving in droves. It wasn't long until it was only the two of you left. Seeing no reason to put a front up anymore you also let your mask slip. Soap watches your lips turn down into a frown as your eyes take on the same dead expression you had when he had his hands first wrapped around your throat.
“I'm afraid you're wasting your time if you think you of all people could ‘fix’ me. I've long given up on getting better and you should too…” There's an awkward silence that follows your statement. Neither of you knowing what to say next.
“But if you want me to act the part of an unwilling participant in this game of yours I'll happily oblige.” You try not to come across as overly desperate, you know it would take the fun out of it for him. Soap pretends to contemplate your words as he finishes the last of your cotton candy while licking his fingers clean. Like a pervert he puts on a show for you. Much like when he had made you pass out from orgasms on the night he returned. Maybe if you hadn't refused to sleep he wouldn't have fingered you so hard that day. But it was no use dwelling on that right now. He does whatever he wants; it's not like you have much power to stop him.
“Ah don't appreciate being told what to do nor do ah appreciate being given a mercy kill to soothe my hunger. We do this on my terms or we don't do it at all…” Soap cocks his head to the side as he puts on his charming smile. The very same one that all of his previous victims likely succumbed to. Everyone except you it seems.
“And besides ah haven't met a single person who hasn't fallen for my charms and looks, ye just need to give it time.” You lose the softness in your voice as you go to speak again, your desperation bleeding through your frustration.
“Oh your upset you got played…” you watch his expression harden at your words but his condescending smile returns not a second later. Though he doesn't say anything. He probably knew you were baiting him to get a reaction. You press on though not willing to back down so easily.
“What? Can't get the job done just because things didn't go your way? How childish..and here I thought you were such a renowned killer with all the deaths you bragged about…maybe I thought too highly of you…” Soaps smile slips as your words cut into his ego, his eyes narrowed in like a snake getting ready to strike.
Good, your tactics were working. You continue trying to rile him up in hopes of getting what you want today.
“Why don't we go our separate ways? You go find your perfect victim and I'll go find someone who can keep their word.” You don't bother waiting for an answer as you begin to walk away from him. If he wanted to play cat and mouse you could play cat and mouse.
Maybe you were playing a bit too well for Soaps liking though. You don't see that he had balled his fists until you turn to put the final nail in the coffin. “If you have any killer friends send them my way, maybe then I could experience what true terror is like.”
Something snaps in Soap's mind because the second you try to leave again he has your arms pinned behind your back and face pushed against his car door. He sees you trying to suppress a smile and it pisses him off even more. Just the thought of his brothers in arms having a go at you had his blood boiling. You were his kill not theirs. His prey, his toy, his to do whatever he pleased with. He needed to drill the sentiment into your mind.
If you were trying to piss him off you definitely succeeded in doing so. But he wasn't going to give in to your whims so easily. If you wanted to die so badly you were going to have to work for it. He wouldn't give you the satisfaction of winning. Definitely not at his own game.
“Ye think you're so smart do ye? Ye think getting me mad is enough for me to slit your throat? Think again, Dove. Ye aren't escaping me so easily. Ye want tae play? Fine, let's play.” Soap twists your arms to the point where you think he was really going to break it just to get his point across. You bite back a yelp just to anger him more. But your body involuntarily shivers from the pain shooting up your arms. Just as quickly as it started it ends with him pushing you in the direction of the forest. Turning around to face him you watch as he crouches down to remove a blade from where it was tucked into his sock.
“This is what ye wanted, Dove? Ye wanted tae be chased down like the pathetic whore ye are?” You watch him twirl the large knife in his hands as he stands watching you underneath the street light. The shadows the light casts obscure his face making his expressions unreadable. He looks like the devil incarnate. A monster ready to mutilate you. It's strange because before you weren't so afraid but with the way the situation was unfolding your body was getting you ready to run. A built in mechanism for survival. One you wish you could override.
“Ye think ye can put up an act as believable as a real thing? Ye think you can produce the same thrill for me with yer fake screams? Fine then. Run. Run like ye fucking mean it. Because one of two things is about tae happen tae ye.”
“Either one, ye make it believable enough that Ah decide tae kill you. Or two, Ah take ye on the forest floor and fuck every single one of your slutty little holes for wasting. my. fucking. time.” The malice in his voice alone has your nerves buzzing with anxiety. Fear and possibly something else pools in the pit of your stomach. Your body screams at you to run, to get away, to find safety, to hide before he rips you apart with his teeth. The other half tells you it wants to get caught…That it wants him.
Your brain screams at you as his low hum of laughter erupts at your perplexed expression. It screams at you telling you he's going to tear your flesh from your bones for everyone to see. Despite wanting to die, your brain and body work against you. Run. Hairs stand on the back of your neck as you take a shaky step back. Run. You watch him change his stance getting ready for the chase. Run! “Ye're going tae wish Ah never found ye Dove”
“Run.” He whispers, and you do, you bolt….
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Dividers by @cafekitsune
Copyright © by ethereal-night-fairy. 2024. All Rights Reserved. Writing not permitted for reposting, transcription, translation or to use with AI technologies.
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midsummer-semantics · 3 months ago
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if the world was ending
Okay, I told myself I wasn't going to write anything for @steddieangstyaugust but apparently I lied (I'm sorry)
Here's for day 1: Second Chance
CW: Slight agoraphobia
[not posted to AO3 but you can find other things there.]
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When the earthquake hits, he’d like to say he thinks about his parents first. That he wonders where they are and if they're safe or if they’d hear about it from wherever they are in the world. If they’d call to check on him, even though they never did before.
He'd like to say he thinks about Robin, who's two states away studying for a graduate degree in International relations and communication, and likely doesn't feel the ground moving beneath her feet like he does.
Hell, he'd like to say he thinks about the kids, but most of them are scattered themselves, starting college programs (Will, Mike, Dustin) or sports training camps (Lucas) or exploring the West Coast (Max and El).
No, Steve is alone in his big, empty house when it hits, and the only thing on his mind is that they were wrong. Indiana doesn't get earthquakes, so something else has to be afoot. Six years since they defeated Vecna, since everyone tried to move on with their lives while Steve stayed because that's what he does, he stays.
A touchstone Dustin had called him once. Something to do with foundation and a connecting center. Steve still thinks it might have just been him and the rest of the group trying to make him feel better about still being stuck in the same house, in the same town, doing nothing and going nowhere.
He's alone and he thinks 'This is it. What I've been waiting for.'
He has a 6-year-old emergency pack stored that should have more dust on it if it wasn't for the way he chronically checks it. His trusty bat and a duplicate he made just in case, plus the ax he used the last time, are all near enough to the door. He's not sure what the protocol is for earthquakes, having grown up in the Midwest, but he's pretty sure he's not supposed to be indoors, right?
It doesn't last very long, but it doesn't matter. A few seconds of the ground shaking and rolling beneath his feet are enough to jumpstart him into action.
He's gathering supplies, cursing himself for taking too long, when the phone in the kitchen rings.
He should ignore it, knows that whatever or whoever it is can wait until he's secured the area and alerted the cavalry that something is happening. It'll take days for people to get here and Steve thinks he might he able to hold off whatever's coming out of whatever rift has sprung up until then, but he doesn't have time to think about it too hard.
The phone rings off the hook as Steve takes too damn long to double-check that nothing is in the house before he even attempts to go outside, and Steve knows he can't just leave it. Not in case it's someone who's still in town who knows he's here: Mrs. Wheeler, Claudia, Jim or Joyce.
He nearly rips the cord out of the wall when he answers.
"Stevie?!" comes the frantic voice of the person he least expects to be on the other side.
"Eddie?"
"Steve, oh my god." He can hear Eddie panting. "Are you okay?"
It's the first time Steve's heard Eddie's voice in five years. Since Eddie made good on his promise to run like hell out of here, something he'd repeated to anyone who would listen until he finally did. Five years since Steve had realized he was halfway in love with him after saving the world and never got to say anything because he was a coward and Eddie was leaving anyway so what was the point?
He'd gotten one phone call when Eddie arrived in Denver and it's been radio silence since then. Truthfully, he couldn't blame the guy, but Steve had had... thoughts... feelings... probably brought on by end-of-the-world shit but nonetheless. And then Eddie just—
Vanished.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Are you?" he asks.
"We're good," Eddie replies, and only then does he hear the rough grumble of Eddie's uncle in the background, asking why Eddie's on the phone at nearly 3 in the morning.
"Earthquake, old man," Eddie shouts, still too close to the receiver for Steve's already damaged hearing.
Oh.
So, Eddie's in town. Cool. Steve had no idea. Doesn't know when Eddie got in or if he ever intended to tell Steve he was here at all. That's fine.
"Sorry, Stevie. Woke Wayne up. Shit— did I wake you up too?"
Steve swallows harshly, shaking his head even though Eddie can't see it. "No, I was already awake."
"Me too," Eddie replies. "Jet lag. Just got in a few hours ago. What a welcome home, huh?"
"Sure," Steve says, wondering what the point of this call is. "Look, I'm glad to hear from you, but I really need to—"
"Wait!" Steve shuts his mouth, his teeth clacking harshly. "It's fine. Everything is fine."
"Dude, there was an earthquake just now—"
"And it wasn't You-Know-What related," Eddie states, a bit of his franticness back in his voice. "They're leveling part of the plant for safety issues. Wanted to do it at night so no one would freak out." Steve cringes. Hawkins wasn't exactly magnanimous about the rebuilding efforts last time, but he doesn't go to city council meetings to hear about what the efforts might have been since then. "That's part of why I'm home. Wayne's got an extended leave until they sort out what else to do."
Steve sighs, dropping the emergency pack on the floor and leaning the ax he'd managed to grab against the wall. "Oh. Great. Wish they'd have told everyone else just in case."
"I know, sweetheart. But everything is okay."
Sweetheart.
Steve's actual heart skips a beat hearing that again.
"I'll be back, sweetheart. I promise."
"So... you're here then? In Hawkins?"
There's a beat of silence, some shuffling on the other end. "Well, yeah. I told you I'd come back."
"For your uncle."
"He's part of it."
Steve hesitates, hating himself for even considering getting his hopes up.
"And the other part?"
"My guy is here."
When the earthquake hit, he’d like to say he thought about his parents first.
No, he'd thought it was the end of the world. And above that, all he could think about was Eddie.
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txttletale · 6 months ago
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It's really hard to be on your side on this "egg" discourse because I'm seeing so many trans women say that getting egg jokes before they transitioned made them feel worse and delay their transition, and they don't like it when people make those jokes retroactively either.
I've also seen trans people say other trans people made egg jokes about them while assuming they were cis, hence joking that they were secretly the gender they were trying to transition away from, which also made them feel horrible.
I agree with you on the point that being transfem isn't a bad thing and it's excessive to compare those jokes to Christian missionaries, TERFs, etc, ie. people who actually commit violence. I don't get, however, why you need to resort to saying "it's not bad to misgender cis people because cis people aren't as affected by it" (the second part of the sentence I agree with. the first part I don't) to prove that point
i mean, i've also seen trans people say those things--but on the other hand i've seen trans people say that being encouraged by their friends saved their lives, or that they felt furious and cheated when people told them they'd known but hadn't told them, or that their lives would have been infinitely better if someone had just given them a push at the right time. it turns out "trans people" do not have the same uniform experiences across the board and trying to prescribe one perfect model of behaviour that applies to all circumstances doesn't work!
like, sure, the people you're talking about exist, and matter, and it sucks that they had those experiences--but trying to universalise out their experiences to create a template to enforce (against trans women, always against trans women, 'who are we doing it versus?' it's always gonna be trans women baybee) doesn't help anyone. you just have to treat each individual person you know with tact and nuance and be wrong sometimes and upset each other and let each other down sometimes.
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tan1shere · 1 year ago
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Slumber Party pt 2
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A/n: think I've sorted it ! Yayy so if you would like a part 3 let me know ;) (repost)
Summary: like the song slumber party. Ellie thinks she can treat you better then your shitty girlfriend
Warnings: heavy smut, cunnilingus, Dom but soft Ellie (in a way???), riding, touching, alcohol, mentions of smoking, strap usage, pet names. If there's anything else I missed, pls lmk !!
Pt 1 here ! ~ pt 3 here!
It had been a few weeks from the last incident. Everything was pretty normal (for your living) Isabel would occasionally scold you for this or that but never yelled since that one time. You were happy about that as it always made you feel so empty inside like someone had grabbed your chest, yanked your heart and stomped on it. Even if you didn't necessarily love Isabel anymore the situation was hard. You knew you could go to Ellie, but that left you with that weak feeling again. Like you couldn't fend for yourself. You refused to reach out for help until it got to the point where it was bad. Incredibly bad. And that was today. A day before Isabel was suppose to go away to New York. You were cleaning, cooking meals.
You even packed her bag for her while she was at work. Like you had been asked to do. You were always like this growing up. The relationship didn't change you. You always go by the rules and making people happy. If you didn't you felt empty. You felt like you failed them. "I'm home." She calls out sounding tense, dropping her bangs down in an angry manner, but you didn't hear her as you were in the shower. She looks around to see some food. Ones she would take with her and the dinner for that night. She noticed something she didn't request on the list. First mistake of the night. She came into the bedroom to look for you finding her suitcase. She looked at it done differently to how she usually does it. You come out of the bathroom wrapped in your towel. "God you're pathetic. Can't follow simple instructions. Can you!"
You stand there shocked. "I've had a shit day to come home to more. Shit." "Iz-" She strides closer looking furious. "You are so fucking useless." She spat with fury. Raising her hand landing a slap to your face. You quickly put your hand over it before your gasping, widening your eyes, as she wraps her hand round your neck. "You will get changed. Do the meals I ask, and pack my suitcase the way I want. Got it." You nod desperate to get some air into your lungs. Relieved when she finally let's go. You let out a few coughs, watching as she walks out of your bedroom.
You start to bawl your eyes out as you try to calm down, when you get a call from Ellie but you're too scared right now to even answer. Getting dressed and trying to regain your composure as you start on your bag. Now, this was very unlike you to ignore her calls, and especially not say anything on why, soon after. She starts blowing up your phone panicking. You haven't told ellie about the abusiveness. But she's had a bad feeling for awhile now that she may hurt you. You go to look at your phone for a quick second.
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"Oh no you don't." You see Isabel coming over to you, snatching your phone. "Hey!" She does the unspeakable and smashes it on the floor. "No!" You look down at it then at her. "What did I say?" You stand there out of pure shock. "Answer me damn it." You look back at her. "I- I was about to-" She stares at you, about to turn away when you think of Ellie and how strong she is. Embody her Y/n. Do it. "No." You whisper slightly, but she hears. "What was that?" You keep looking at her. "If you don't like it you should've done it yourself cuz I've been working all day on i-" She storms towards you nearly knocking you off your feet with a punch to the face. Inaudible.
You feel frozen, stunned. Like everything has stilled, you start to hear a ringing in your ear at the impact. "Dont EVER speak to me like that again. Do you hear me?" Tears flow like a streaming river. "Do you fucking hear me." Blood can be felt dripping. "Y-yes.. sorry." You try and gain balance but feel incredibly light headed. "I'm sick of this." She says, heading for the front door, she is met with an angry and concerned looking Ellie. "Do whatever the fuck you want I don't give a shit anymore." She screams as she leaves for the car. Ellie knits her eyebrows together as she watches her leave. She walks in the house, beginning to hear sobs, she sprints into the bedroom to be met with you on the floor, blood dripping down your nose, it smeared on your hands as you try desperately to stop it from flowing even more. "Shit, fuck."
Ellie curses as she comes closer to you, kneeling on the ground. "I- I yelled at her and it- I got-" You try explaining. "Shh sh. Tell me later ok?" You just gently nod as she tries to get you on the bed, on a more comfortable surface. "Don't panic, I'm just going to get some towels and such, I'll be right back." You nod yet again. Trying to focus on her. Her words. She comes back not long after with the supplies she will need. "Hold this to your nose and tilt your head back a bit, can you do that for me?" Again, you nod, doing exactly as she says. She sighs. "I had a feeling she was like this. Why didn't you try to tell me?"
She softens her look. Her voice. "I was afraid she'd find out and do worse.. I'm sorry." She shakes her head. "Never be sorry for something that isn't your fault." Once she's done she looks at you, looking at the bruises on your face. "I'm sorry she did this to you angel, I really am." You look down at your hands. Not sure how to speak right now. But she knows that. She goes closer to you bringing you in for a hug. You sink into it. Into her touch. You missed being held like this. It felt special, especially when she was the one hugging you.
You woke up the next morning to Ellie being gone. You were saddened but you look to your side to see a note. 'When she leaves tomorrow I'm coming to pick you up. You don't need to be there, there's no point.' It was obviously Ellie who wrote it you can tell by her messy handwriting. You look at the clock that was on the wall reading the time. It was right when Isabel was suppose to be leaving. You had slept for a few hours. You touch your nose remembering the events of yesterday, feeling it had dried but still sore. Suddenly you hear the front door being opened and a suitcase being dragged on the hardwood floor. Getting up to go see her leaving. "I'll be back in a week." She says coldly. You nod gently, watching as she leaves. Once you know she has you let out a deep sigh, looking around the room, going to the fridge as you were hungry. Scavenging for something tasty you settle on a
cheese stick. Simple but enough for you. That sentiment reminded you of Ellie a little bit. She was very simple, the way she lived her life. But enough for you. She was perfect. You shake your head out of those thoughts like you always do but a tiny bit linger. It was no lie how she would make you feel, whenever she would talk about space, art, dinosaurs. Your heart would flutter. You loved listening to her pretty voice talk about her interests. It inspires you to dive into your passion. But that'd never become reality. Just a simple dream. You wanted to be a designer. Whether it was clothes. Furniture. You loved making everything tidy, and pretty. In an order that was well planned out. It was your little thing. And the only person who knew of this dream was Ellie. She'd tell you to chase after it, but with how you lived, there was no chance of that ever happening. So you like to daydream about it. You walk over to the couch sitting down, only for a split second when you hear a car pull up outside. You listen. It was Ellies car. It was old but she loved it. Which made you love it. You finish your cheesey goodness before grabbing your shoes and heading out to the car, you smile as she notices you. To which she returns that smile. "Hey you. Sleep alright?" You give her a small shrug. "It was alright. The pain wasn't subsiding at all though." You let out a breath through your nose at the thought, whincing as the cold air makes it sting a bit.
"We will just have to take it easy. I still think you should consider my offer-" You immediately shake your head. "Its fine, maybe this trip will do her good." You state. "Or make her more agitated." Ellie mumbles. You hear her clearly. "But we aren't worrying about that we are having a fun filled week. I have a new drawing to show you. I went down to the beach and sat in my car, I saw these seagulls fight over a burger bun. Quite entertaining if you ask me." That makes you let out a soft giggle. "Can't wait to see how you drew that." She smiles at your giggle. "You're gunna love it!"
Once you arrived at Ellies home you take a breath in. It always smelt earthy, in the best way possible. "You can take my bed-" She began but you cut her off. "I'm staying here?" She nods. "While she's away, I'd hate for you to be alone." You look around for a second. "You really want me here?" You look at her. "Why wouldn't I?" She laughs slightly at your question. You nod, going over to the couch. "But please, I can take the couch, this is your place after all!" She simply shakes her head. "I want you to be comfortable." "But I am Els. I'm always comfortable when I'm here." She takes a moment to look at you, then remembers. "Ahah! Almost forgot to show you the amazingness." She stands up fully, going over to her art room and coming back with her sketch book. You wait in anticipation to see this drawing. She opens it out so you can see it. "Tada!" She speaks in triumphant. You smile wide as you observe the sketch of the seagulls. "I adore it Els!" She then goes to turn the page, you guessed to show something else but she realizes what it was soon after. It was a sketch of you. "Oh fuck, that's not important but, the seagulls were going crazy over that burger patty, I started cracking up laughing-" You can't help but think of the drawing of you. "You've drawn me before?" You look at her, puzzled but interested. "It was just-" She sighs.
"You were just sitting there, you looked so peaceful. I guess you inspired me.. you inspire me alot actually." She goes to flip the page again showing you more. "I never wanted to say anything in case you thought it was creepy or something." You have known Ellie for how long and she's still thinking like this? "Els. I'm so flattered. I could never be creeped out. If anything I'm honored to inspire your art." She smiles at you. "Well I'm glad because I'd really like to do more. Ones where you're actually looking at me. I tried to do already existing photos but it didn't feel right. Wasn't in the moment." She states. You love how beautifully she would always words such things. It made your heart swell. Was that wrong? You were with someone already. Not a very nice someone, but thats besides the point. Not to mention Ellie was your best friend. You shouldn't ruin that as she's the only true person in your life right now. You gotta push these feelings aside. "So what happens in a day to day life of the Ellie Williams?" She smiles at your words, plopping on the couch and leaning back into the cushions. "Well nothing that exciting. I mean I can do whatever I please whenever I please. Usually I'll wake up late, maybe have something to eat. Watch TV. Just boring stuff. Maybe have a small time to smoke but that's about it."
You nod as you listen. That's one of the things she loved about you. How you'd listen. Especially when she'd say something stupid (Only she would think that) You would just give a gentle smile and nod, signaling that you were taking in everything she said. "Why don't you draw me now?" She looks at you. "Yeah?" You nod. "Alright then." She stands, heading to her art room to get some stuff. "Here wear these." She hands you some petite round glasses, with a thin black rim. "You have props?" "Why ofcourse I do." You smile at her and put them on. They had no lense so you could see just fine. You look at her waiting for what she wanted you to do. She looks at you thinking. "I want you to hold this book. Put your legs up and rest them on your knees. Then." She ponders some more. She goes to ruffle your hair a bit. "Els!" She shh's you. "Let me do ma thang." She moves a bit of your hair over your face having one of your beautiful eyes poking out with the glasses. "And perfect. Not that I needed to do much."
She smiles. You feel heat rise to your cheeks. She always talks to you like this, why are you now reacting? She begins to sketch, while you sit there looking at her. Admiring how concentrated she was. She would occasionally chew on her lip as she looked at the page, even sticking a bit of her tongue out while biting it. You saw the way her features lit up as she looks at you. You were infact. Falling inlove with Ellie. And you don't think there was any way of stopping it.
It was a few days later, you were in the kitchen making food for the both of you as she then walks in the room. "Woah there whatcha doin?" You turn around to look at her. "Just making breakfast." You smile wide at her. She chuckles. "Uh uh. You aren't in that hel lhole no more, you don't need to be doing that. We can just order something. Relax for once." She flops on the couch. And for once you decide to do so going over to her and sitting by her. "I was thinking of inviting my friend over tonight, you remember Dina right? She will possibly bring her boyfriend but I just wanted to see what you thought about it." You look at her. "Sooo like a small party?" She thinks of a response. "I guess so, but it'll just be the 4 of us, I would really like if you got to know them, they will really like you I promise!" She smiles at you. "Sounds fun to me." You return the smile.
Things had been going good. You were all laughing, enjoying yourselves. You were into your third drink now. Just honestly glad you decided to. "I was really missing out!" You take another sip but Ellie takes it and sets it down. "Slow down angel- you don't want to rush into it." You just giggle, making her smile at your slightly tipsy state. "Remember old times in school. We would always play truth or dare, or. What are the odds!" Dina explains. "Oh no, I know where this is going. 'Let's play it'." Ellie mocks her voice. "Well duh, lets do it!" Ellie shakes her head laughing. "What are we 12?" Dina nods. "Yes. Yes I am. Right who's starting?" At school you'd never get invited to parties. (Is it obvious?) Even if you did, you'd never attend one. It wasn't your thing. So you never had played nor known much about these games. "Y/n. Truth or dare?"
So when Dina asked you, you decided to go for the safest option. As you had seen on TV in random romances. "Truth." You smile softly. "Have you ever had a three way?" She smirks. "Dina she probably doesn't know what that is." You think back to all the things Ellie has told you about but you never once heard her utter those terms. "I haven't no." You look at Ellie. "Guys you should know she's not really into this sort of thing." Dina looks at you. "That's ok, we can do something else if you don't want to play this." You look at her as she gives you a smile.
"Oh no that's alright. I don't mind playing it's just not going to be very interesting as I haven't done anything." She furrows her brows. "Nothing? At all?" "I've only ever kissed someone and that's my partner currently. She's the only one I've kissed." Ellie looks at you. "Wait only her? You've had other girlfriends-" You nod as she's right. "We weren't really with eachother long enough for us to get to that stage." Dina smirks. "And you said it wouldn't be interesting. If anything this is more intriguing." You laugh gently at her words.
You were saying your goodbyes to Dina and Jesse. You turn around, facing Ellie once they're gone. It might be the alcohol talking but she looked really good right now. You stalk closer towards her. She smiles at you. "Come on I think you need some rest." She takes a few steps closer but you just look at her dumbly. "Did you know you're all I've been thinking about all night." You blurt out, unable to control anything at the moment. "Y/n you're drunk. Let's get to bed-" "kiss me." She widens her eyes in shock. Not exactly sure how to respond. "Go on Els. You can." She sighs. "I wish you had this much confidence sober." She goes to grab you bringing you to her bedroom to get you to lay down. She had made you sleep in her bed. There was honestly no turning it down as she kept insisting on it, so that's where you slept the whole time you were there.
"Ellieeee." You whine out. "Go to sleeeep." She trys to get you to stay down. Failing as you're a mess right now. "Atleast stay with me." She sighs again. "Pleaseeee." You try and Ellie being Ellie, she caves in. Getting in with you and bringing you close to her. You look up to her smiling. You decide to just lean in anyway and give her a messy peck to the lips. She's shocked to say the least. She freezes. In all honesty, she can't believe it had happened at all.
She would always think about it. How soft your lips would be. How much she'd be able to kiss you better then that asshole you're with. She knew she could. She let her thoughts wander. Thinking about your body, how she'd treat you just how you should be treated. She wanted to badly. She snaps out of these thoughts as you snuggle into her. She let it. This has been what she wanted. She couldn't though. What on earth was she gunna do now.
You woke up the next morning to a slight headache. Not horrid but it was definitely there. You genuinely don't remember much, that is until you turn your head to see Ellie fast asleep. You widen your eyes, suddenly regaining memory of the events. Oh shit. That's incredibly embarrassing. You kissed her? So carelessly. That is not how you wanted that to go whatsoever. You gently sit up, feeling her stir at your dumb attempts to be quiet. "Good morning you." She looks at you with a tired expression. Then she remembers. Sitting up also. Awkward. So incredibly awkward. It's not like you haven't hugged Ellie before or anything. Nor cuddled.
So why is it incredibly awkward. Because your dumbass kissed her. Better yet while drunk. You remember how it felt though. Amazing to say the least. Incredible even. But she's your best friend. Not to mention you're still with Isabel. Oh my god. You cheated. That begins to play over and over in your head along with the lines of 'you're a bad person' You don't even want to think about it. So you get up and head out into the living room, leaving Ellie to feel more awkward and confused. This wasn't good.
It was a day later from the mishap. You didn't even speak to one another. You still panicked over the fact you had 'cheated' you were going stir crazy. Ellie was also thinking similar. Not about the 'cheating' because in all fairness she couldn't give a shit, she knew Isabel would have deserved it. She's worried about you, and your thoughts. Are you going to distance yourself from her? Are you going to try forget the moment. She tried to guage your emotions. Something she would always do pretty well. But not this time. You were currently watching TV. Ellie had, had enough of the silence. "I enjoyed it." Was the only thing she thought to say.
Only thing that seemed less stupid that came to her mind. You turn around to look at her. "W-what?" You were confused, but also starting to get nervous. "I like you. There's no doubt about it. Actually, no I don't like you Y/n I love you. And I can't just sit here and watch that bitch keep on hurting you when I know for a fact I could treat you so much better, and that kiss is doing all sorts to my brain right now I can't stop thinking about it. I can't stop thinking about how stupidly I didn't kiss back-" You stand to meet her, still smaller than her but you swiftly grab her shirt and pull her into you. Forcefully kissing her again. She was shocked, but this time kisses back almont immediately.
She grabs ahold of your waist pulling you impossibly closer to her. It was heating up. And fast. You two pull away for air, to think about this all. But neither of you wanted that you just wanted to do. She grabs your cheeks to kiss you again. Missing the feeling of how soft they really were. And in all honesty. They were better then she imagined. She slowly pushes you gently onto the couch, climbing on you, not once breaking the heated kiss you two were having. She moves her knee in between your legs subconsciously. You let out a small breath at the feeling. She starts to move the kiss to your jaw. Then your neck. "Els.." You let out a content sigh. "Is this alright?"
You nod, eagerly, for more. "I'm not going to lie to you Y/n. I've dreamt about this. Dreamt of how I was your first and how I could make you feel amazing. Better then you even think she could." You stare at her as she speaks. "God I've been waiting for years." She says hungrily going in to kiss you again, starting to take your shirt off leaving you with nothing as you usually didn't really wear a bra. She devoured the fact you didn't. Immediately leaning down to suck on your newly hardened nipples. You let out a long shakey moan at the feeling, finally getting what you've wanted but been too scared for. There was no denying it. You were not, scared no more. You wanted it all. You wanted her. And she couldn't of folded for you any more. She trails those sucks down slowly to your small shorts.
She takes them off with the same pace. Letting out her own slight moan as she sees more of you. Sees how the thin fabric of your underwear clings to you, especially now that she's gotten you worked up, wet. She hums to herself. "Wonder who did that. Huh, baby?" She taunts, knowing it was her work. She goes to take them off completely leaving you completely naked. You didn't mind but you grab at her bicep. She got what you were hinting at. "All in good time angel. All in good time." She wanted to savor this. Make it longer. But she also didn't want to wait any longer then she had been. For years on end. And neither did you. You wanted to feel all the amazing feelings. Especially with Ellie. She strips off her hoodie leaving her in her wife beater.
"I can't wait any longer." She dives down to your needy core, wasting absolutely no time, eating you out like it's her last meal. She knew she should go slow but she just couldn't resist. You obviously don't mind. "Els.. Fuck-" You let out a slightly louder moan at the way she's moving her tongue in you. It was long, there was no doubt about it. And very skilled. She twists and turns it, occasionally moving up to your clit, flicking it every so often for a different sensation. You roll your hips into her mouth and arch your back. Making your head lay back into the couch as you relish in this beyond amazing feeling. You shakily sigh as you begin to feel a indescribable feeling in your lower tummy. Ellie feels you clench around her tongue so she knows you're also close.
But she suddenly gets a small idea before she makes you have the most jaw dropping orgasm. She takes her phone out and gets Isabel's number, she had from awhile back when you gave it to her just in case of- anything really. She goes to type, feeling so pussy drunk right now. She was enjoying how you taste like crazy.
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She smirks against your skin at the reply, setting her phone down and speeding up her movements. "Ellie..." You sigh out, in between a moan. She hums. "Let go for me pretty. I've got you. Yeah baby. Cum all over my face." That just about makes you break, with her words, her voice, her tongue her mouth- you let out one of the loudest moans that you've ever mustered up. Feeling your body shake as you cum all over Ellies face. You watch as her eyes roll back enjoying that way too much. She eats it all. Laps it up. Running her hands along your thighs, soothing them from the shakeyness. You lay there, incredibly out of breath, wondering what on earth had just happened.
"I'm not done with you yet sweet girl. Whether or not this is the last time I get to do this, I'm making it worth it." She says standing up off the couch, holding her hand out. You take it, cautiously standing with her. She takes you to her bedroom and gets you to lay down. "I think about using this on you. How you'd struggle." She declares, holding the strap in hand. You only know what its called because of her, how she'd use it on all these girls. Now you get the privilege of getting fucked by her with it. "But I don't want to rush you. Even if you are ready." She sits on the bed, maneuvering to lay down. "I want you to come sit on my lap, and ride it. You think you can do that for me?"
You nod, swiftly going to her lap, excited to. "Good girl." She breathes out going to put it on. You feel weak as she says that, and for the first time in, well. Ever. You don't even care. Once she's done you go to hover over it, her slender hands holding the base. "Sink down for me- there you go baby." She grunts as you lower yourself slowly but surely. You let out a small whimper at this new profound feeling. Resting your hands on her torso, once you're comfortable enough you begin to move. Easing yourself into this feeling of complete and utter pleasure. You let your mouth hang open as she grabs ahold of your hips. "That's it, shit. You learn so fucking well. So incredibly good for me aren't you." You nod, biting your lip with a small whine. "God I can't wait to fuck you dumb into this mattress. It will happen I count on it."
The way she says these filthy things makes your pussy flutter, she leans her beautiful hands up to your breast, squeezing with ease. "I feel you hugging me tight angel. I know you're close." She knows she can't truly feel it but she feels the way your struggling as your walls begin to squeeze up around the strap. You let out a struggled hum, feeling as though you could burst at any moment.
"Come on pretty girl. Let go for me." She says softly but oh how dirty it really was. You nod, as you can feel it approaching.
"That's it, such a good girl." She grunts, leaning a hand to your aching clit,  rubbing small circles. It sends you over the edge, cumming with another loud moan, feeling the liquid drip down your thighs. She then feels herself cum in her boxers. The harshness of your movements causing the friction to impact on her, she felt just as amazing. You flop onto her chest, exhausted and heavy eyed. You feel her strong arms wrap around your tired, fragile figure, feeling warm and content. "You're mine. And you always will be. No matter what, or who. Mine, angel. Mine." She says into your hair, as you fall into a deep, blissful sleep.
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beatrixstonehill2 · 3 months ago
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"Hello, my beautiful people, it's your girl Samantha out here enjoying the sun as I look forward to having my own place and being super independent! Don't get me wrong, I love living with my parents but it's a little embarrassing bringing guys home, getting fucked, and moaning with your parents trying to sleep in the next room. The amount of times they've barged in on me totally naked, riding some cute guy with my fake boobs bouncing, my cock in his hand getting jerked off is more than I care to count! Now I can have all the sex I want and put my cute body to the test for real! Soooo happy I stuff with it and transitioned, I turned out gorgeous and compliments to my surgeon, my boobs don't look all that natural or believable but he managed to pump me with so much saline! Three sizes bigger than we discussed, he said he wanted to make them extra large because it would really compliment my figure! I'm glad he went and made them so huge! Men love them, and I love showing them off for them.....
Well, since I have my Associate's and my streaming career really took off, I'm making more than enough money to support the kind of lifestyle I've always dreamed of. No parents to hold me back or tell me how many men or women I can bring home, what to wear, what to eat, I'm just gonna go nuts and do everything I've always wanted. My move in day is next week and you better believe I'm gonna have a housewarming party! I'm going to get passed around and fucked soooo good. I might get really kinky and just drink so much I black out, and when I wake up my friends can tell me just how many guys had their way with me, that sounds fun!
Then I'll be back to streaming, which of course will be way raunchier. I'll stream topless and aim my cam so you can see my erections stick up my skirt or the bulge in my shorts. It'll be fun getting to jerk off whenever I want, especially for you guys if you donate generously. And I know some of you have wanted me to eat my meals on cam, but my parents make me eat with them in the dining room, so I'll be sure to order out and do some mukbang content since I know it's really in demand with pretty streamers, especially ones with big bouncy fake boobs.
Oh well, I'm gonna find a group of cute guys to have some fun with, I see a few who keep looking over at me like they want to squeeze my tits until they pop. Hope they don't mind my seven-inch cock! Bye guys! ❤️"
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"Oof..... well, this is what two years of independence can do to a girl, I guess. 😅 Fuckkkk my hot little body is gone. I can't believe how fat I've gotten. I'm close to 500lbs and my weight gain isn't slowing in the least! I guess I didn't realize how much my parents were controlling my portions and appetite.... Ever since I got this apartment I've just been eating nonstop, whether I'm streaming or not. And it doesn't help that I learned overeating makes my cock super hard. So I went from a hot, busty streamer girl to a fat slob stuffing her face nonstop. You can't even tell my boobs are fake anymore. My implants are buried under all the fat in my tits.
I can't believe how bad it's gotten. My apartment is covered in trash and food bags, there are flies and bugs everywhere. I haven't bathed in over a month, I probably smell so bad but I don't care, I just want to eat more. I don't care how fat I get I just want to keep eating and eating. I mean I'm already diabetic, I have super high blood pressure and cholesterol. My doctor told me I can probably expect my first heart attack this year, but he said it shouldn't be a huge one quite yet, so that's a relief. I kinda can't wait until it happens, I hope I'm streaming when it does, I'm going to try my hardest to jerk off when it happens!
On the subject of my cock it's almost a foot long now, since I'm so lazy I've been 'forgetting' to take my hrt and as a result my cock is way bigger, I'm way hornier, even though I guess it means I'm partially detransing? I don't mind as long as it means my cock is bigger, I think my voice got deeper but I still live as a girl so that's all that matters! Although once I'm 800lbs you probably won't be able to tell I'm supposed to be a girl. But who cares? I'm so addicted to overeating I can't possibly stop now. You've all seen the streams where I eat so much I puke all over myself, then pick right back up eating, covered in my puke. I kind of like being filthy, in a weird way, like it's so embarrassing that I've let myself become this it makes me rock hard.
I sit around on stream eating for almost ten hours a day. Half the time I don't get up to use the bathroom even, I'm such a hot mess. But if you sift through Twitch girls who've gotten fat a lot of them are trans and used to be super hot like me and now they're massively fat, and most of them are sitting in a pile of their own shit, happily adding to it as they stuff their faces and flirt with chat. So it's not like I'm the only girl who let herself go on this platform, there's a lot of us! So it's fine if I keep getting fatter and unhealthier. You guys seem to like watching me ruin my sexy body and turn into a morbidly obese slob! I'm just pleasing my fans! Which reminds me, once I'm immobile I might need some caretakers to keep me fed and help me get off once I'm too fat to jerk off. It's already such a struggle with this big fat gut in the way. If you're interested DM me! ❤️"
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